#they met in high school and we're high school sweethearts and the IT couple of their class

[lukas-du-mortain]

W.I.P. Wednesday

Tagged by @serenpedac

Finally noticing how lethargic he is, Lukas slowly pulls himself upright along the wall. He feels his way to the tiny bathroom, where he proceeds to splash water on his face. Ice cold water grips and drags his mind back to its senses. Maybe he should go back? Guilt wrecks his body, because at the end of the day wasn't it his fault for leaving? Questions race through his mind. Uncertainty pushes through his body as he looks at his reflection in the mirror. Maybe if he went back and apologized for the screaming match, his life would go back to normal; right? Perhaps he could work hard and gain his reputation back, earn his credibility back. After all, it was his fault wasn't it?

What-ifs and hypothetical scenarios play in his head like a fast paced movie. One where the protagonist is faced with such uneasiness of their future survival. Lukas grips the cracked ivory porcelain sink in front of the mirror, his fingers wrapped around its edges so tightly his knuckles begin to blend in with the color of the sink. Nearly 10 years of his life has culminated to this moment, alone and broken and desperate in a broken down apartment. He has nothing left, nothing except what small belongings and clothes he could fit into two duffel bags. No car, no home. He has money but in Vancouver, $1000 in his savings won't last long. Should he go back, tail between his legs and beg for money?

No. He can't. It would just start the same vicious cycle all over again. Lukas would end up back here in the end. Bobby had taken everything from him. Lukas was left with the consequences of Bobby's actions, as usual, and it ruined him.

[aphrogeneias]

...right? — one-shot

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader (modern!au)

summary: you're not sure of where you stand with eddie munson, but you're forced to confront your feelings after almost losing him.

word count: 3k

warnings: fluff and angst with a happy ending. jealous!reader. feelings of self-doubt. eddie munson is a sweetheart.

author's note: this one has been a long time in the making, and it may be a little melodramatic, but i'm doing a lot of self-projecting here, so be nice. thank you to @intrepidacious for reading it for me and giving me your approval <3 i'm sorry to all the girls named emma reading this, but i had to give that character a name.

We're performing tonight, if you want to stop by.

You'd been staring at this message for a couple of minutes now, unsure of what to do. You seemed to be in this dilemma a lot, as of late — to answer or not to answer, to show or not to show.

Too scared to show how you felt, but too scared to lose him at the same time.

Zoned out, you caught Robin’s hand flying in your direction from your peripheral. “Stop looking at your phone!”

She snatched it from your hand, still open in your conversation with Eddie. Robin whistled when she took a look at your screen, “Oh, I see. How are things with Mr. Headbanger?”

“You're talking to Eddie?” Chrissy chimed in from her side of the bed, lifting herself on one elbow to see you better with Robin between you.

The three of you had been like this all night, spread out on Chrissy’s queen bed, a sequence of old romantic comedies playing on her TV. There was an empty pizza box on her fuzzy carpet, and a half finished bottle of wine next to it, the second of the night.

You groan, trying to get your phone back to no avail. “Things have been… well, I think. Too well. I guess I've just been waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

Then, it was their time to groan.

Your friends like calling you jaded, but you consider yourself a realist.

It's been a topic of conversation between you for years. Ever since your last relationship ended, after you'd been left for another woman, when you swore off love for good — at first, they thought you were just grieving, it would take time to heal, of course, but you never really did.

You don't think you've ever been anything other than an open wound, in that sense, even before your ex. The high walls that were meant to protect you eventually became a prison you couldn't get out of. A princess and a dragon, all in one.

That is until Eddie Munson came into your life.

No one's ever made you want to drop those walls as much as he does. You'd met him through Chrissy, who’d been his friend since high school, and at first you thought he wasn't really flirting with you. He seemed to always be flirting with everyone, always getting a little too close. Until he asked you out, and you were still not convinced.

It could be a friend date. He could be after one of other friends. Maybe he was just passing time until he found someone better.

That was a few months ago, and Eddie hasn't gone anywhere.

He had a few shirts on your place, merch from various bands which you were growing fond of listening to them in his car. Shirts you would wear to bed when he wasn't spending the night, curling into bed with his smell on you. He'd made friends with your cat, and fixed your coffee in the morning the way you liked it, and left strands of hair loose in your shower.

A brave knight, that Eddie is.

Despite your closeness, and the honesty you see in his eyes whenever you're near him, neither one of you has put a name on what you have. It keeps you up at night, thoughts about calling him your boyfriend and have him laughing at your face. How could you be so stupid?

The thought of it brings tears to your eyes.

“What if that's it, though?” Chrissy interjects, with a gentle voice. Her small hand reached for yours, and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “What if there's no other intentions, no other shoe to drop? You have no reason not to trust him.”

“You say that because he's your friend.”

“Chris is right, babe.” Robin says, sitting straighter on the bed. “He’s never given you any reason to think like that. You need to let yourself go, just this once.”

You sigh, and mumble something along the lines of “Easier said than done,” as you sit up and pull your knees to rest your chin on them.

“You should go, by the way.”

Robin reaches to you with your phone in hand, handling it back to you. Her blue eyes are kind, understanding. Chrissy smiles from her place between you.

“Our local rockstar is waiting for you.”

You respond Eddie with a short omw <3 before your friends are pushing you out of your stupor, and into the street.

They’ve already finished their set by the time you arrive at The Hideout.

You're dressed entirely inappropriate for a dive bar full of metalheads and middle-aged bikers, but you don't let yourself think too much about it because no one really notices you coming in, except for the bouncer who compliments you on your old college sweatshirt.

The night is well beyond starting. The bar is full, and it takes you a while to find Eddie, but when you do, he finds you immediately.

He's at the foot of the stage, talking to his friends. The rest of the band is around too, and you wave at them as Eddie makes his way towards you. The smile that pulls on your lips is uncontrollable when he, with an excited smile of his own, takes you in his arms, wrapping himself around you. “Hi! You just missed the show!”

“I'm sorry! I was at Chrissy’s.”

You take a second to look at him closely. His wild hair is a little damp, and his Accept shirt has the sleeves cut off, which shows more of his tattoos. There's a studded belt on his hips, and you don't think too much before pulling him closer by it.

Eddie kisses you on the forehead, and his lips linger a little bit before pulling away. “Did you tell her I said hi?”

“Forgot to. But next time I'll make sure to send your regards.”

When he's close like this, you almost forget your doubts. When his arm is around your shoulders and he's pulling you close, the smell of his cologne and the last cigarette he smoked before going on stage cling to you, and you cling to it in turn.

“Good, and make sure to arrive on time next time too because we played your favorite and you weren't here.” He pouts dramatically, putting one hand to his chest.

The gasp you let out matches it. “Metal Health? Eddie, no!”

“Eddie, yes!” He shakes you a little, turning you in the direction of the tables. “We played Quiet Riot, and you weren't here to see it. Have to say I'm a little disappointed, sweetheart.”

Walking along with him, you stop when you reach a vacant booth on the corner. Turning to face him fully, you leave a soft kiss on his stubbled chin. “I guess you'll just have to keep playing it, then.”

“Does that mean you'll come to every show?”

There's no space between the two of you, standing chest to chest with each other. The rest of the bar disappears. “I might, if you'll have me.”

“Baby, I'll…”

The bubble you find yourselves in shatters and breaks when Eddie stutters, and turns, because there is someone poking him on the back, disturbing your moment. It's a woman, asking to speak to him.

You don't really register what she's saying. All you know is that you've seen her around before, and you know she's friends with the guys. Eddie apologizes to you as he's being dragged away for a private conversation. “I'll be right back! Don't go far.”

Nodding, you remain frozen in place.

They don't go far, but you can't really tell what they're talking about, but her hand on his forearm, slowly rising to his bicep, tells you everything you need to know.

You don't realize it but you're shaking a little bit, cold sweat prickling through your suddenly frigid skin. There's a ringing in your ears, and a lump growing in your throat, but you can't stop yourself from looking.

He looks beautiful like this. The light from the now empty stage hits his figure from the back, making him look every bit like the rock god he's always aspired to be. The frizz on his hair creates a halo around his head, and you think you might faint.

To his credit, he doesn't get any closer to the girl. Doesn't flirt back. His smile is polite, and he maintains a sensible distance, but that's not enough to ease your mind.

He's only keeping a distance because you're here. Your mind says, always the traitor. You're holding him back. He could be making out with a different girl every night. Maybe he is. Maybe he is and you're none the wiser. Better walk away now. Go, before your heart breaks.

It's already breaking, and you're the culprit.

You almost don't notice Eddie return to you, as your vision’s gone blurry.

“Sorry, Emma wanted to invite me to an after party. Told her I was busy.” There it was, his easy smile again. From a first look, you wouldn't think Eddie Munson smiles so easily, but it's always there, pulling on his full lips and showing off his dimples.

You would smile back, as usual, but it's like your face can't move.

“Just you?” You ask, “Not the rest of the boys?”

He laughs, but there's not much humor behind it. “Just me.”

“Aren’t you gonna say anything?” He is still grinning, raising one eyebrow at you, as if taunting you to speak up. Something rotten spreads through your insides, stirring them, rising like bile right through your opened mouth.

“Say what? It's not like we're dating, Eddie."

If regret could kill, you would be dead the moment you saw his face fall. Eddie's expressiveness is a double-edged sword — his happiness was contagious, but when he’s upset, there is nothing that could distract you from the way his bambi eyes plead to you.

You double down anyway, already feeling like a fool, but too stubborn to take back what you said.

"...right?"

“Is that what you think?” He asks, a pout on his pretty lips. “Is that what you want?”

“I… I don't know.” Your mouth is moving, but it's like you don't have control over what you're saying anymore. Like you can't even hear yourself, too taken by the dread that has taken over your body. “I think… What do you think?”

You throw the question back at him because you can't be the first one to say it. Because if he backs out, if you say what you really want — and it's him, he's all you've ever wanted, and the realization hits you like a punch to the gut — and he says it's never been quite like that, that he doesn't want you the same way, that he's just been passing the time, you would break.

Eddie looks away from you, then. His fingers pinch the bridge of his nose, “You're not sure what you want, is that what you're telling me?”

“No! No, it's not like that.” You almost choke on your own spit, “I'm just…”

Scared. Of opening your heart, of rejection, of him leaving when he learns how much you want him, need him.

“If you're not sure of what you want, I think you should take some time to think about it.”

“But, Eddie, I…”

“Think about it, and call me when you know.”

One of his hands goes to your shoulder, squeezing it, and briefly running thumb over the fabric of your sweatshirt. He's turning around before you can stay anything, the lump in your throat too big to allow you to speak.

The room feels like it's turning upside down as you turn the other way, towards the door. It turns and turns on its axis, and you almost lose your balance as you're making your way out. You wave halfheartedly at the bouncer, who waves back at you in the middle of his conversation with a green haired girl.

Walking home, you have time to think of what you'd just done.

As the tears roll freely through your face, and you wipe them with the end of your sleeves, you think of Eddie’s sullen face, once full of life, now transpiring his disappointment in you. You'd let him down, and it was all your fault.

In an attempt to protect yourself, you pushed him away.

You imagine him back at the bar, with the boys. With Emma, ready to console him after what you just did to him. The thought of it just makes you cry harder, trying to control your breathing as you get closer to your apartment.

You did what you always do. Leave first, turn your back, clam up back into your shell. You just never thought you'd do that to him.

It doesn't take long until you spiral.

You did all you could after you got home. Tried to breathe, but it only made you cry harder. Curled up on the couch with your cat, a brown tabby that curled herself right back into you, and cried until there were no tears left. Ignored your friends’ messages on your phone, pretending everything was all right.

Tried to drink, but felt too sad to even open your fridge. Ran into one of Eddie’s hoodies hanging from the back of a chair in your room, and felt more tears coming, but no strength to cry.

Everything in your room reminded you of him — your unmade bed where he'd be lying on if you didn't screw up, the fantasy book he'd let you borrow on your bedside table, a polaroid of the two of you with your arms around each other serving as a bookmark.

You pick your phone, and it rings and rings. He doesn't answer. In a moment of panic, you leave a message instead, pacing through your room on your bare feet, still wearing the clothes you went out in. The cat on your bed follows your movements with her eyes.

“Hi, Eddie. I… You might not even want to hear from me right now, and I get that. Really, I do, but… You just need to know I know I fucked up. I didn't mean to do you like that, I didn't mean to say those things to you.”

Your voice trembles, just like the hand that's holding your phone to your mouth, but you keep going, “Of course we're dating, we've been dating for a while now. I was too scared to say anything because we never put a label on it and I thought you didn't want anything with me, I guess I just didn't want to be the first one to say it in case you decided this wasn't… that I wasn't… what you wanted.”

There's a few seconds pause as you take a deep breath, and release it in an anguished sigh. “What I'm trying to say is… that I like you. A lot. Have since the beginning. And I understand if you didn't want anything to do with me anymore because of what I just did, but… if you still want to talk, I'm… I'm still here, okay? I'm still here.”

When you're finished, you throw your phone back on your bed, and wait.

You're still pacing around the house, a mug full of tea in hand, when you hear your phone vibrating on your bed. You almost don't pick it up, but you do anyway.

Two notifications from Eddie.

Can I come over?

Are you still up?

Hands shaking, you answer with a simple Yeah. Key’s on the carpet.

The clock on your screen says it's 2:22 AM.

You hear your door opening not too long after that, the spare key turning on the lock, as you're sitting on the couch, writing like a kid that's to be scolded when their parents come home. The mug of tea is half empty at your feet, and now cold, just as your nervous hands as Eddie comes through the door.

Wearing a Metallica sweatshirt, an older one that you've borrowed before, one you know how soft it feels on the skin, he comes in and silently closes the door behind him, leaving the key on a small ceramic plate by it.

You cave in before he can say anything. “I'm sorry.”

Your chin is wobbling again, but you swallow it down, not wanting to make a scene. Eddie comes closer, and sits next to you, careful not to kick the mug that you left carelessly on the floor.

“No, I'm sorry. I should have said something, I should have told you what you meant to me sooner. You know… I've been calling you my girlfriend to everyone but to the person who matters the most.”

“Everyone?” You repeat, “Everyone who?”

“The guys. At work. Wayne…”

“You told your uncle I'm your girlfriend?” The word feels foreign in your tongue, but not unpleasant. Eddie looks sheepish, but the corner of his mouth twitches and lifts just a bit, one of those dimples you love making an appearance in your dimly lit living room.

“Yeah. Like I said, everyone but the one who matters the most.”

There it is. That earnestness, pouring through him, warming you up from the inside out.

“And I guess… Am I the person you mean?”

“Who else would it be?” He's tilting his head now, kind eyes aimed at you. You huff a weak laugh, them, relief hitting you in waves. Not thinking too much, you throw yourself at him, hugging him by the shoulders, and folding your legs under your thighs to be closer to him.

“I'm still sorry, though. Sorry that I made you think I had doubts, or that I…”

Eddie doesn't let you finish, shushing you with a hand on the back of your head, and another wrapping around your waist, keeping you in place. “It's okay, sweetheart. I'm sorry too.”

“Since we're both sorry, does anyone have to be sorry at all?” You mumble into his shoulder, taking in his smell through his clothes. It soothes you more than anything can, along with his voice vibrating through his chest, and the warmth of his body clinging to yours.

“I think we can discuss the details in the morning.”

He seals it with a kiss to your temple. You and your boyfriend sleep on that same couch, and in the morning, there is nothing left to say.

[kimoralov3]

rosie

in high school, steve was known for his hair. and while those days were long behind him, the knowledge was engrained in him like a second language. and it certainly came in handy when it came time to do his girls' hair.

willow was easy to please; a couple of bows and she was jumping up and down screaming how much she loved him.

sage, ever the daddy's girl, was happy as long as steve was the one doing her hair, although she preferred a nice braid or two.

but rose? she would be the cause of many frustrating mornings in the harrington household.

"daddy, it doesn't look right!" whined the little girl as she looked at steve in the mirror. steve sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. he loved his little girl, very very much, but god, sometimes she was the biggest dive he'd ever met next to eddie munson and dustin henderson.

"sweetheart, i've redone your braid 5 times already. what about it doesn't look right?" he asks as he undoes the braid.

"it's not perfect, it needs to be perfect for auditions." the 4 year old says, waving her hands around like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"you've been spending too much time with your uncle eddie." steve mumbles under his breath as he starts the braid over again.

finally, after 3 more attempts, rose deemed her hair "good enough" and waltzed downstairs. steve groans, flopping down into the chair rose was previously occupying. you pass by the room, snorting when you see the state of your husband.

"what happened to you?" you ask as you stand behind him, running your hands up and down his shoulders.

"i never knew that a 4 year old could care so much about a single braid. and what audition is she even talking about? she's in preschool." he asks as he looks up at you, a tired smile on his face.

"ah yes. her preschool is hosting a talent show, but i don't think she quite realizes that every one else is participating as well." you explain with a laugh.

there's a pause before steve speaks again. "are we raising a mini eddie?" he whispers. that makes you laugh really loudly, shaking your head as you pat him on the shoulder.

"no, stevie. we're being bossed around by a mini eddie."

[jongbross]

hello angel :) please ignore if someone has already asked this in the past but which love trope do you think each EXO member embodies?

minseok - strangers to lovers (the couple who met by accident and then got to know each other better)

junmyeon - friends to lovers (that two people who have been friends for years till they realize that wow, they're perfect for each other)

yixing - not sure if it's a trope but that complicated love with lots of angst because one of the two parts is too afraid to commit? yeah

baekhyun - childhood best friends to lovers (that couple that has lost contact for years but the feelings are still the same)

jongdae - high school sweethearts (loyal to each other to death. is this still a trope?)

chanyeol - aloof couple (the ones who don't realize they love each other, when everyone else can see it)

kyungsoo - second chance (that couple that didn't work for some reason, but after some time they reconnect. they couldn't love anyone else beside each other)

jongin - soulmates (it just clicks, the moment they see each other. they are meant for each other and no one else)

sehun - not sure if it's a trope but the "if we're not married till we're 40, i'll marry you" plot, for sure

[secondratefiction]

head cannon, Bella's older sister and Carlisle has feelings for you. (No Esme)

Ok, this is completely unrelated to your actual request, but I fell down a rabbit hole last night trying to fact check a couple things... I did not realize there was a wiki for twilight fanon, and suddenly there were multiple Swan children that I had never freaking heard of before; and I honest to God thought I was having a stroke.

I figured it out eventually, but for a few moments there I was legitimately worried I'd finally lost it.

Anyway! On to what we're actually interested in:

-.-

- Technically, you're Bella's half-sibling, the child of Charlie and his high school sweetheart. Teenage hormones and all that fun stuff...

- To his credit, Charlie wanted to do the right thing, but your mother was pretty steadfast that a baby wasn't enough reason to get married. They stayed friends, and it worked out for the best as he met Renee when you were about 4.

- Charlie was good dad, super involved in your life, especially since your mother never moved away.

- You and Bella were close-ish, as close as you could expect to be with 5 years and over 1500 miles between you.

- Growing up, you'd wanted to help people, like your dad, and in pursuit of that you ended up in the nursing program at Washington State.

- You're not exactly sure what drew you back to forks - Lord know most of your friends couldn't wait to get out and never look back - but you were lucky enough to get an offer at the hospital that let you move back home.

- And that's where you met him.

- Doctor Cullen had moved to Forks with his family just about a year before you got back. Your father had always spoken highly of him the few times he'd come up in conversation. You're mother seemed quite fond of him too... in ways that seemed to irk your stepfather whenever he over heard her gushing about him to you.

- Not with out reason mind you... Carlisle Cullen was quite handsome, you had to give your mother that much. But he was also amazing at his work; not to mention incredibly kind and polite any time you had the opportunity to speak or work with him.

- Which was becoming a more and more common occurrence. Some of the other - jealous - nurses swore up and down he was making up excuses to see you, and special requesting you be part of his team for xyz, because he was either trying to sleep with you or already was.

- You liked to think you were standing on your own merits, and had just proven yourself good at your job.

- Partly because you were. But mostly because there was no way Dr. Cullen would need to work that hard to pursue someone he was interested in.

- Nurse Doris could keep her opinions to herself.

- For a brief moment you thought there might have been something there, but as soon as the signs started they quickly went away.

- Strangely enough that all happened to coincide with the time your sister moved back to live with your dad.

- Though you were still very close with the good Doctor, and - much to Doris's distress - his go to nurse.

- After the Cullen family's rather abrupt departure, you were more concerned with your sister and her failing mental health than whatever your coworkers were speculating about this offer from a hospital in San Diego.

- As much as it pained you, you were the one to first suggest to your dad that he send Bella to live with her mother. Clearly being in Forks with so many memories wasn't helping her.

- That went over like a lead balloon.

- Started doing suspiciously better after the beginning of the year, and you wanted to be cautious, but you also didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth.

- Turns out you should have. Maybe then you wouldn't have gotten a panicked call from Jacob about Bella and a bike accident, and have your sister begging you to "don't tell Charlie"

- Which is exactly what you should have done. Maybe then you wouldn't have gotten a panicked call from Jacob about Bella jumping off a cliff and then fleeing the county half an hour later.

- You were going to skin the girl alive the minute she set foot back in Forks.

- Good news was she did make it back alive and in one piece.

- Bad news was she came back with Edward in tow, and as much as you wanted to, you couldn't punch the little bastard in the face for the living hell he'd put your sister though.

- Like it or not, he was seventeen and you were a whole-ass adult.

- Well... at least there was one sort of silver lining...

- After a week of settling back in, Carlisle asked you to go to dinner.

- He said he'd made a grave mistake in trying to ignore his feelings about you, and he didn't realize how important to him you were until you were out of his reach. And he didn't want to waste any more time.

- Well... At least now the other nurses will have a reason to gossip.

(Ok, that's where we're going to call it, because this seriously got away from me. If you want a part two feel free to let me know!)

((pt 2))

[satanprotectsme]

The Girl in the Record Store - Chapter 2

Eddie Munson x Metalhead! Reader

Chapter Summary: It's your first day at Hawkins High, and it's just as chaotic as Eddie warned you it would be. He's there to help you navigate it, though.

Warnings: Angst, bullying, emotional, lmk if there's anything else I don't think there is!.

A/N: I try not to use (Y/N) in my writing, so he usually uses pet names instead even though they're not dating yet. I use petnames with people casually so I don't know if it's awkward or not, I'm sorry if it is!"

Waking up in the damp, humid, Indiana heat is something I don't think I'll ever get used too. I rip my sweat-soaked sheets off my body as fast as I can. Cracking my neck, I begrudgingly pull myself out of bed.

The thought of stepping foot into Hawkins High makes me want to vomit. Of course, I was eager to see Eddie again. We'd talked over the phone many times, and as happy as that made me, I miss that sweet smile that adorns his face. I miss the smirk that would lift his features while we spoke; I could basically hear it overtaking his lips we spoke over the phone.

I don't spend too much time getting ready, just powdering on some makeup and pulling on a simple, little black dress, leather jacket to match. I get into the car my dad had given me, a black 1969 Plymouth Barracuda, and start her up.

When I pull into the parking lot, I sling my backpack over my shoulders and hold my jacket around my forearm. A beige and brown van pulls in beside me. Eddie jumps out of the sliding door and smiles.

"Eddie!" I squeal, jumping back. "You scared the shit out of me!" I giggle, smacking his chest. He grabs his heart.

"Oh! Sweetheart!" He leans back. "You wound me," I laugh, rolling my eyes. I wander away from him, not looking back. "Do you have your schedule?" He asks, running up behind me.

"Yeah," I smile, handing it to him. "Do we have any classes together?"

"A couple, but they're both at the end of the day. You're gonna have to wait until after lunch."

"At least it's something!" My futile attempts to be optimistic are in vain. "Can you show me where Mr Latters class is?"

"Oh, Mr Latter? He's tough."

As he walks me to my class, all my jittery gaze will focus on is my peers stares, they're laced with venom. I lock eyes with one of the cheerleaders, but my gentle smile was met with a laugh. Eddie's voice, right next to my ear, feels drowned out and far away, in a catatonic state. I yearned for butterflies in my stomach, but I'm agonized with hornets stinging my guts.

"Sweetheart?" Eddie calls out for me, dragging me out of my stupor. I look up, we're outside of my class. "Hey! You okay?" He reaches his hand out for my shoulder. I nod.

"Yeah, I'm just a bit nervous," A feeble smile overtakes my lips, my eyes, however, still had hot tears welling in their ducts.

"You'll be fine, the assholes at this school won't do anything,"

"Thank you Eddie," I breathed, air barely escaped past my swelling heart and lungs, ready to split my figure in half.

"Go get 'em tiger!" He gently pushes me through the doorway, I giggle. Everyone's eyes on me as I walk in is definetely a bit jarring, but I just take a seat in the back of the class.

The first day at a new school might be the most unbearable thing I've experienced in my life so far. Having to introduce yourself everytime you walk into a room gets tiring. Hearing the hushed yet pointed laughs directed at me stung.

I was being circled by hyenas, and all I had to push them away was my pride. When the bell rang, I sped my way to the cafeteria, I look around for Eddie and his friends. I wasn't allowed to look for long though, it'd be too easy if I actually got to see them. Three tall guys and a cheerleader stand like a wall in front of me, the hyenas finally pounced.

"Nice to see the freaks have a new little freakette to hang out with," The blonde one laughs. His hubris was almost pitiful. I push to walk around him, but another guy blocks me from leaving. The cheerleader cackles.

"Freakette! Look at her that dress too, she'll probably be passed around by them. She's the only slut even willing to converse with that cult," we're similar heights, but it feels like she's looming over me.

Back at home, I'd probably stand my ground, even throw a punch or two, but I froze. "I'm not a slut," I hissed, barely loud enough for them to hear it.

"What was that?" the cheerleader slowly stalks towards me. Their predatory presence is enough to pierce my nerves, I can't help but shift back. If this was a one on one standoff, I'd be able to fend for myself, but the vulturine gaze all of them are holding over me is too much, I can't steer them away. After shifting back for a while, I feel hands on my arms.

"Actually, she said she's not a slut," Eddie snaps. I feel him pull me back, away from the instigators.

"Awww, the freak stepped in for his little freakette!" The blonde snickers. I pull myself away from Eddie and storm off, through the side doors, and to the parking lot. I swing open my car door and lean over the steering wheel. I look up to see Eddie jogging towards me. He leans into the passenger side window.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, of course," he opens the door and sits in the seat next to me.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I should've stepped in sooner, I-"

"It's fine Eddie," I dont mean to cut him off, but listening to him apologize made me feel worse. "God, I don't know how I'm ever going to step back in there," I chuckle, but my face is burning up red.

He looks down at his lap, fiddling with his hands before covering his mouth. "I'm sure you'll be fine, I'll be there for you next time, alright?"

"It's okay, Eddie, you don't have to fight my battles for me like that," I sigh. I play with the charm on my choker, my father had made it for me so long ago. He said it made me look mean and scary, like the badass little rockstar I am, that all the kids at my school wouldn't fuck with me when I wore it. That worked when I was a young kid, but not when you're 18.

"I guess I've just been fighting them off for years and I'm used to it, I'm sorry," He chuckles a little. "I don't know what your home town was like, but this is what small town Indiana is. I'm really trying to graduate this year, I wanna get out. All this cult talk and being an outsider since middle school, it's shit."

"Shit," I repeat. Looking up at him. "Where do you wanna go?"

"Fuck, anywhere that isn't here," He exasperated, sputtering into a smile. "C'mon, let's go back inside, you can't back down on your first day."

"I don't know," I trail off. He wraps and arm around me, and all the tenseness in my body seeps away. My soul was at ease in his presence, for the first time in my whole life.

"I haven't know you for very long, but I know you're strong, especially stronger than them," He looks deep into my eyes, a sweet smile laid on his lips. I sigh, but I can't help cracking one in return.

"Fine, let's go.

"Atta' girl!"

With a red dot on my back, I walk back into the school. The hyena’s still circled, but this time, I had a lion to fight them off for me. I got to spend the rest of my day with Eddie, at least until had to go back to work.

Thanks for reading!!!

its a little bit of a rushed ending but i didn’t know what to do 😭😭

[viviloveschilde]

Im being more delusional than usual and i keep thinking about highschool love with childe(or anyone tbh) imagine us being like an introvert but not so introvert and only talk when we need then theres childe who can talk and make conversations with anyone even though he just met them... i mean i guess thats the reason hes super popular especially among the girls<3 bonus if childe and us were childhood friends but dont talk much coz we sometin3s dont have the chance to talk to him due to him being so popular and surrounded by people all the time :( BUTTT whnever he isnt surrounded by people, we do all those sweet highschool couples thing like walking home together, recess on the rooftop, after school studying at the library and all that<3 their relationship isnt a secret but its not that obvious do you get it?? Like we keep a low profile about our relationship but its not like we're trying to really hide it yk. A few people know about us but dont really pay attention to it especially to us coz we're kind of like polar opposites (him being extremely popular and us keeping everhthing to ourselves) so not a lot of people pay attention to us (which us both a good thing and a bad thing) Its like private but not a secret<3

I wanna exprience this so badly help

-🦅

Hi 🦅, this sounds like fun! I had to read it a few times to process what u were trying to say but I finally got it, so I hope u enjoy ur fic! (This idea is rlly cute, kudos to u~) If u wouldn't mind, leaving a tiny like and follow on ur way out would rlly help me~ thank you!

-Vi

𝙈𝙊𝙍𝘿𝙀𝙍𝙉 𝘼/𝙐 𝘾𝙃𝙄𝙇𝘿𝙀 𝙓 𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙍𝙊𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙏𝙀𝘿 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙍

𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒐𝒇 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅

~𝙚𝙣𝙟𝙤𝙮~

You were an introvert. You strayed away from people and could not stand being around many people, especially strangers. You only talked when you needed to, other times, your mouth was zipped shut. You were basically the opposite of your boyfriend, Childe.

Childe was outgoing, extroverted and popular. You on the other hand, were quiet and kept to yourself, introverted and not popular.

Although you were not very popular, since you guys were best friends since childhood, nothing really separated you and him.

He was always surrounded by people, especially the popular girls. Sometimes, you were worried that Childe would leave you for one of them but Childe would always shoot you a look when they came near him.

The look that seemed to say that he loves you and would never leave you.

Your relationship seemed very private although none of you even made and effort to keep it like that. Being the introvert you are, talking to him in school was not a choice since there were so many people around him.

But when you two were alone, it was a completely different story. You guys were high school sweethearts. Sharing soft kisses with a lingering aftertaste of him on your lips, watching the beautiful sunset while alone on the rooftop after school.

Walking home together, his hand holding yours tightly, never seeming to want to let them go. Planting kisses on your hands that fit perfectly in his.

Studying together at the library after school, no one was there, you guys were alone. In fact, sometimes, the study sessions would end up with Childe pinning you to the wall and kissing you passionately.

You loved him dearly. Anyone who knew about your relationship with him could tell. It was obvious enough. With all the kissing whenever you guys were together even with someone else there, who knew what you guys would do when alone.

Childe had even brought you to his home to meet his family. They liked you. They could see how much he loved you, with him showering you with kisses on the couch when he thought they were not there.

You also loved his adorable siblings, Teucer and Tonia. They were adorable and their cute antics were making you love them even more and more.

Sometimes, Childe would even be jealous of Teucer and Tonia, muttering under his breath about how they were stealing your attention away from him. When you heard this, you stifled your laughter and gave him a living kiss in the nose. How sweet!

This has been a dream, a match made in heaven. Childe and you, y/n. The perfect couple. Life could not be any better.

~END~

Heyy~ hope you enjoyed it. I felt so fuzzy and warm while writing this. Thanks for the request , 🦅! Do leave a like and follow on your way out! Thank you~ <3

-Vi

●𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑺 𝑩𝑬𝑳𝑶𝑾●

[slutforstabbings-archive]

Since the Velma show is so uhhhhh Like That, here's my pitch for an adult Scooby Doo show:

The most similar existing Scooby thing is On Zombie Island and the two biggest inspirations/points of comparison outside of Scooby Doo are Scream (particularly MTV Scream) and Cabin in the Woods.

The gang are college upperclassmen, juniors and/or seniors.

Fred started as a finance major but switched to criminal justice. Daphne’s a journalism major. Shaggy's getting a fine art degree and his concentration is ceramics, Velma's major is physics.

Fred and Shaggy were roommates freshman year and had an enemies to besties situation because they were so different. Mostly the problem was that Fred's upbringing was super sheltered and old money, prep school, country club, young republicans - so when he meets Shaggy he's like how tf do I deal with people who aren't from my very rigid uptight wealthy background? But he lets go of that bullshit really quickly and now he and Shaggy are inseparable and have chosen to continue to live together since.

Daphne is Fred's high school sweetheart, they both went to single gender prep schools but they were like "sibling" schools that held co-ed events together. She's from the same super rigid old money world as him but she's always been more rebellious and aware of the outside world than he was. Maybe they broke up for a while because even tho they decided to go to the same university, they wanted different college experiences and she was a big party girl freshman and sophomore years, but now she's calmed down a little and he's opened up, so they're the most compatible they've ever been and they find their way back to each other.

Velma and Shaggy met in an art class that she was taking as an elective and he was taking as part of his main course work. She'd never done any kind of art before and was super nervous but Shaggy was really encouraging and they became buddies and she discovered a new interest and made all her free electives be art classes after that. If Shaggy's having a hard time getting a sculpture to be structurally stable, he comes to Velma for physics assistance.

Shaggy decides to adopt a dog and he's on the humane society website like look at this weird dog, it says he's been there for months, how come nobody has adopted him? So he takes Fred and they go to the humane society and they meet this fucked up Great Dane that nobody else wants and they agree to adopt him.

That's when Weird Shit TM starts happening on campus and in the surrounding town. It is NOT monster of the week but maybe the first couple episodes are sort of falsely monster of the week seeming, until they realize everything is connected. Definitely keeping the villian's motivation as some horrible destructive ultra capitalist scheme, and it hits close to home for Fred and Daphne because that's kind of the world they're from, but it's also supernatural somehow and Scooby's nature as a not-quite-normal dog is tied into it, the four of them like, become fated to solve this problem because they welcome Scooby into their lives. Stakes are high, the supernatural is real and death is permanent. The gang should lose peripheral friends and have to figure out the mystery while also mourning, and the villian or one (or more) of the villian's henchmen is someone in the gang's outer circle. Like maybe the big bad is the president of the university and Daphne's sorority sisters and Shaggy's plug and Velma's advisor are all in on it.

Velma IS a lesbian, and Indian. If we're making one of them black it's gotta be Fred or Daphne, I hate that they made the stoner character black in the Velma show lol that was my first red flag. I mean, in this I think they're all stoners, they do the round table That 70's Show thing, Shaggy is just the only one with a Stoner Personality. And I think it's cool for him to be non-white, it just feels cringey to me for him to be black. But I think it could be really interesting for one of the super wealthy upper crust characters to have to realize that they were really insulted from racism in their specific community but that doesn't mean that it isn't still a big deal everywhere else, and maybe even looking back they DID experience racism growing up, they just didn't realize it. Perhaps they're even mixed race, half black half white and have to deal with the intersecting privilege and oppression that simultaneously brings them. Fred is bi but still figuring it out, Shaggy is nb but enjoys masculinity and just doesn't give a shit about how other people perceive his gender, it's a more internal experience for him, and he defies gender conventions in subtle ways.

[missvelvetsstuff]

Where you goin, Star?

Summary: Reader meets Bucky when the truck hauling her show horses breaks down as she is trying to leave for an event and he works for the mechanic. Passionate, secret love affair ensues. After a confrontation with her father, Bucky decides she deserves better than a poor biker like him and leaves town with his friends Steve and Sam.

Three years later, reader is trapped in an abusive relationship and about to give up hope of things ever improving, when Bucky comes back.

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Chapter 3

Warnings: swearing, mild violence, forced miscarriage, angst, animal death

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning of the bbq, Star had brunch with her parents which ended in another argument with her father.

"Dad, I'm not marrying John Walker. No way in Hell. He's abusive and rude. Besides he already has a girlfriend. Why can't he marry her?"

Alexander Pierce sighed heavily. He appreciated his daughter's strength but not when she opposed him. "John's now ex girlfriend, isn't the right kind of woman for his career. He is retiring from the Army and running for Congress. You are the right kind of woman. You have good breeding, an excellent education, a good reputation....not to mention your physical beauty. You would make a handsome couple."

Star looked confused "I've met Olivia Hoskins. She went to high school with John, they've been together for years. She is lovely and well educated too. I don't see what the problem is." she paused and her eyes grew wide "Oh my God dad. It's not because shes black? Please tell me that's not it."

He looked at her impatiently and spoke to her like she was a small child. "Sweetheart, don't be stupid it's not because of her skin color."

I'm sure she's a lovely young woman but she comes from nothing. Her education was paid for with scholarships but all the education in the world can't prepare you for this high powered life the way being raised in it can. You've always had the best and I've always expected the best from you. Wife of the future president is the best life possible. You will influence everything he does, in a gentle, loving way, while you stand behind him.

She could never be what you will be."

"That's fucking disgusting. You think I would be a better wife when I don't agree with conservatives these days? When I can't stand John? I'm not that good of an actress."

He chuckled "I'm sure we can find some incentive for you to behave appropriately."

Star rolled her eyes "Not bloody likely. I have to go. I'm meeting some friends" she stood up, gave her mother a hug and left.

Her mother tried to change her husbands mind "Honey, I don't think she would be happy with John. Maybe-"

She almost fell out of her chair when he slapped her "Now sweetheart, look what you made me do." He grabbed her chin tightly and forced her to look at him "Don't question me again or I'll send you away on another 'vacation'. Understand?"

She nodded, shaking and trying to hold the tears back until he left the room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Star got home, Bucky was waiting for her. He could tell she was agitated "What's wrong Star?"

She shook her head "Just my asshole father. I don't want to talk about it. Let's go have some fun" she kissed him hard on the mouth.

When she pulled back he was panting "I know some fun we could have here. No one will care if we're late." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her flush against him, kissing her neck.

Star pushed him away "We can do that when we get home. I don't want to show up late, looking and smelling like sex. What would your friends think?"

Bucky smirked "The friends who complain about the smells in the clubhouse from our sex? They'd probably thank me for keeping it away from them."

Star shook her head "You're insatiable Jamie"

"Only for you Star."

"Better not be anyone else. I'd hate to have to kill you."

Bucky kissed her "Never anyone else. No one could ever measure up to my Star. You're it for me baby."

She looked at him curiously and whispered "You mean that, Jamie?"

"Of course Star. I love you and nothing will ever change that." He said sincerely.

"Oh, Jamie. I love you too." She kissed him again. "But we still need to go. Let me change real quick." She came out of her room a few minutes later in jeans, boots and a peasant blouse with something in her hand.

"Happy Birthday, old man."

Bucky grinned "You didn't need to get me something."

"Just open it"

Inside was a photo album full of pictures of her in barely there lingerie and the last few in nothing at all. She pulled down the shoulder on her blouse to show him she was wearing the first set.

"Something to keep in mind for when we get home."

Bucky smiled lasciviously "I'm going to destroy you tonight baby. Make sure you eat enough to keep your strength up."

When they arrived at the clubhouse, he led her to the large back yard and everyone cheered. Steve was the first to approach them and gave Star a big hug. "Welcome to the asylum. I don't know how you do it but I've never seen Bucky so happy. Thank you."

A tall black man with an eye patch and a 'kiss the cook' apron came up to them "So you're this Star I keep hearing about. Barnes is pretty smitten and I can see why." He hugged her.

"I'm Col Nick Fury, I own the garage where he works and I started this little club."

Bucky explained. "Nick was our C.O. in Iraq. Steve was our captain and I was sergeant, you know Peggy already. We met Sam, Thor and Loki there" he pointed people out as he named them "Jane is Thor's girl, Darcy is Jane's friend and Loki's something. The blonde over there is Danielle or something, she is sitting on Jack Rollins. The redhead is Wanda, the guy next to her with the frosted tips is her twin brother Pietro. The antisocial asshole smoking by the fence is Zemo, claims to be a baron in some former Soviet country but the twins are from the same country and never heard of him. Thinks he's above all of us."

Bucky looked around "The kid behind the bar is Peter, he's a prospect which means he's not a full member yet and we get to boss him around" Bucky grinned and shouted "Hey Parker, how about something to drink for my girl? You remember Star, don't you?" As he pulled Star into his lap.

Peter smiled then his face flushed when he remembered meeting Bucky's girl, walking in on them having sex in the kitchen. When he spoke his voice cracked a bit "Yes sir. What does the lady like?"

Star smiled at him "Can you make an on the rocks margarita? If not I'll teach you."

Bucky smirked as he watched Peter pulling up the recipe on his phone and carefully measuring the ingredients out and pouring them into a clean glass.

Peter walked over to them and handed Star her glass and a cold beer to Bucky who winked at him "Good job, kid"

They all chatted and while Star was getting to know them, the back door opened and a tall man, but not as tall as Bucky, with curly dark hair and a face that had been through too much, walked into the yard.

Nick turned around from the grill "Rumlow! Nice of you to drop by. When did they let you out?"

Rumlow scoffed "A few hours ago. I tried to call for a ride but no one was picking up." He looked around and saw Star, a lecherous grin taking over his face.

"I see we have new meat, no wonder y'all were distracted. What's your name, sweet butt? Can I have a turn when Barnes is done?"

Bucky bristled "Hands off Brock, she's no sweet butt, this is Star and she's mine."

Brock looked disappointed "No fair claiming them before everyone gets a taste. She looks delicious, too."

Bucky growled and pulled Star closer to him. "You touch her and I'll knock those ugly scars right off your face. I ain't playing Brock. She's with me and I'll fuck anyone up who messes with her."

"Fine I won't touch her." He looked at Jack and the girl on his lap. "Looks like it's the three of us again, Dana."

The girl looked angry "It's Dot dammit. Why can't any of you get my name right?"

Brock smirked "Cuz we don't care what your name is as long as you open your legs. Or mouth."

Nick scolded "What the fuck Brock? You just got back and you're going to be an asshole? Do you need a nap or a time out?"

Brock sat down with a beer "I just need to cut loose, get rid of that trapped feeling jail always gives me."

Zemo speaks for the first time "I'm down for some trouble. Maybe meet some new girls, whatshername is getting boring." He looks Star up and down "You have any friends you'd like to invite, pretty Star?"

She shuddered and pressed up against Bucky who glared at him.

Steve shook his head "Isn't cutting loose how you ended up in jail in the first place? Maybe just hang out and have a few drinks. Stay out of trouble for a minute."

Nick looked at him pointedly "Crime isn't really our thing anymore."

Star looked at Bucky questioningly "I thought all bikers were criminals"

Bucky chuckled "A lot of them do some crime but not all. We found Brock, Jack and Pietro running a chop shop when we finally came home. Nick bought their garage and this house. We all sat down and decided we didn't want that shit over our heads. Nowadays, except for some substances that are occasionally procured for personal use, we are all clean. Brock has a hard time keeping in line."

Nick smiled at Bucky fondly "These are good boys for the most part, a little rough around the edges but good hearts. After all we went through I couldn't stand the thought of them turning into petty criminals."

Star basked in the glow of this family that had no blood ties but seemed more caring and accepting than her own parents. Her mother tried but her father didn't want to be soft on Y/N. She'd rather be Bucky's Star than Y/N Pierce with all the trappings that entailed. She would prefer a simpler life with her horses and dreamed of the day she would be able to leave it all behind.

The bbq was a great success as most of the group made fun of Bucky for another birthday with joke presents that implied Bucky had been making up his new girl.

Brock made a couple of inappropriate cracks and couldn't seem to stop staring at Star but she just ignored him even though he grossed her out.

They drank too much and shared a couple of joints so decided to crash there instead of driving back to Stars house. She brushed her teeth and washed her face before changing into one of his t-shirts.

When she walked into his room Bucky whistled "You know I love you in my clothes doll but I recall a certain outfit that I was planning on destroying."

She smirked "Maybe I'm still wearing it and thought this would make it easier for an old man like you. I don't wanna wear you out too quickly."

Their coupling was different that night. Still passionate but there was more behind it. Like meeting his family and being accepted made them both more sure of the relationship, that it was real and could last.

They only slept for an hour or two when her alarm went off and he groaned, pulling her closer "No Star, stay here with me."

She chuckled sleepily "I can't Jamie. Animals depend on me, people depend on me. You don't have to take me home, I'll call an uber."

He growled "Not a chance my girl is riding with a stranger when I could have her on the back of my bike. I'll be dressed in a sec."

They basked in the glow of what felt like a new chapter of their relationship but when they arrived at her house the glow was dulled. A black Rolls Royce was parked in her driveway, Clint standing next to it, and her stomach clutched when she saw her father waiting on the porch.

"Y/N, I'm glad you're home. I was so worried" he said with a hint of sarcasm.

She removed her helmet and dismounted the bike speaking softly "Why don't you go Jamie and I'll deal with this."

Before Bucky could answer, her father spoke up. "No, actually I'd like to speak to your friend as well. Jamie, is it?"

Bucky could sense her fear but this man didn't scare him so his turned the bike off and dismounted. He offered his hand to her father "Mr Pierce, James Barnes."

Pierce looked at Bucky like he was dirt and didn't offer his hand. "Maybe we should go inside, don't need the neighbors talking."

Y/N grabbed Bucky's hand and pulled him inside, brushing past Clint who looked at her with disappointment.

Once they were all inside she turned and looked at her father "What do you need dad? I have a busy day to get started."

Pierce looked at Bucky with a sneer "I need you to end this little rebellion and settle down with John. You know you can't beat me and I don't want anyone to get hurt."

She glared at her father "Stop throwing around threats. I won't marry John and I will walk away from you and this bullshit life in a heartbeat so drop it."

Pierce saw the determination in her eyes and decided to take a different approach. "Fine but this isn't over. We'll talk soon." And left with Clint.

Star was shocked he backed down so easily. "Be careful Jamie. He probably has more plans, my father never backs down."

Bucky smiled and kissed her "Don't worry, Star. I'm always careful and I'll never let anyone hurt you."

Star went to work, heading back to the barn as Bucky left.

When Bucky went out front he saw Clint still waiting "Mr Pierce would like to speak with you privately. Would you like to follow me?"

Bucky nodded and climbed onto his bike, following Clint to an office building and then to the top floor where he stepped out of the elevator into a busy office. A receptionist greeting him and showed him into Pierce's office.

Pierce waved him over to a chair. "Look James. I know how stubborn my daughter can be so I'm hoping you'll see some sense. I'm sure you care about her, maybe you really do love her but you have to realize it can't work between you.

Y/N might say she doesn't care about money but she's always had everything she needed and then some. She's never struggled in her life. She might believe that your love is enough but for how long? How can she be happy in that clubhouse that you share with your degenerate friends? John Walker comes from a good family and has a bright future, a real shot at becoming president one day. Do you think that a mechanics wife compares with being first lady?"

Bucky grimaced "What about her inheritance from her grandmother?"

Pierce shook his head "Not happening. My lawyers have already found a few loopholes so I can tie that money up in court for years, she'll never see a dime if she marries you."

Bucky sighed defeatedly "I love her sir and won't leave her unless she wants me to."

Pierce smiled evilly "What if I sweeten the pot for you? You walk away from my daughter, tonite, and I'll set you up in another city. But you have to leave and don't try to contact her after you leave here."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Star was done working for the day she saw she had a text message from Bucky.

'I love you, Star. No matter how things look or what people say, please remember I will always love you.'

She smiled but was confused. When she tried to message back, then call him, she was blocked. That made her scared so she tried to call Steve, then Sam. They had blocked her too. She started to panic and jumped in her truck to go to the garage. When she got there Nick was closing up, he looked at her sadly.

"Miss Pierce. How can I help you?"

Star looked at him in shock "Miss Pierce? Yesterday it was Star. What happened?"

Nick coughed "Nothing miss, just addressing you appropriately."

She shook her head "Whatever. Where's Bucky?"

Nick shook his head "He left. Took Steve and Sam with him."

Star started to panic "What do you mean left? Where is he? Where did they go?"

"I'm sorry miss. I don't know. They came in this morning, said they were leaving, grabbed their tools and left."

She started fighting to hold her tears back. "Why would he do this? He blocked me, they all did. I don't understand."

Nick just shook his head sadly.

Star took off for her father's house, crying and cussing. She slammed the door when she came in and started yelling "Dad!DAD!! You bastard! What did you do?"

Pierce came down the stairs calmly, smiling "Y/N dear, lovely of you to stop by. To what do I owe-"

She cut him off "You know goddamn well why I'm here. What did you do?"

He shook his head, chuckling "I simply helped the boy see reason. Convinced him that he would be holding you back and offered a handsome sum for him to start elsewhere." He paused, smiling widely "Next weekend you will announce your engagement to John and start planning the wedding of the season."

Star snapped "No fucking way. I will never marry him. I'm going to find Bucky, I have to tell him I'm pregnant. I took a home test this morning after he left."

Pierce scowled "Well that won't do" and waved someone in from the hall. "Brock, could you take care of that for me?"

Brock nodded and smiled cruelly "My pleasure, sir."

Star looked at Brock wide eyed "You?"

Brock nodded "yeah, Me. You know, I saw Barnes when he was leaving, asked what he wanted to do about you. He just shrugged and told me 'if she comes back looking for me, you can have her' and winked"

Brock punched her in the stomach. Hard. Over and over until she couldn't hold herself up any more, then kicked her a few times for good measure.

In between her sobs she yelped and curled into a ball "Daddy, please. I love him, I want....your grandchild. Please"

Pierce looked at Brock "call Dr Zola to check on her. Then take her home."

When Star woke the next morning her body ached and it took her a few minutes to remember what had happened before she started crying again. She stayed in bed, refusing to answer the phone or door. She didn't understand how Bucky could say all those things but just take her fathers money and leave. She had never felt such pain in her life.

Around dinnertime she heard knocking again and was ignoring it until she heard her door fly open. She got out of bed and looked to see who it was. Her father and John Walker came in with Brock trailing behind.

John reached for her but she flinched away "It's ok sweetheart, I know you're hurting but once we marry it'll be better for you."

Star stood up straight and spat at him "I won't marry you John. I don't know how many more ways to say it."

He looked at her questioningly "You sure about that honey? I'll bet I can convince you" and nodded to Brock.

Brock quickly grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder, carrying her as he followed Pierce and John to the barn. He dropped her onto the floor in the middle of the barn.

Pierce looked at her coldly "Are you sure you won't marry him?"

Star nodded "positive"

He nodded to Brock who walked up to the stall marked "Charlie", pulled put his gun and fired it twice.

Charlie grunted and fell over.

Star jumped up and ran to his stall, screaming "CHARLIE!!" and fell next to his lifeless body, sobbing.

Pierce threw his handkerchief at her "I hope you see how serious I am now. If you aren't at the party this weekend, dressed and ready to act like the fiance of the man you love then Brock will come back for Lulu.

Have a good week, dear."

Chapter 4

[iridescentissims]

A HUGE update to the Fatal Flaws Legacy Challenge, I've done an entire gen since the last update I did! So here they are!

Our lovely gen six heir was VERY difficult, I tried putting him through uni but the housing was an issue and I missed a couple of the goals by accident so it was a bit of a stressful one, but I do love Quartz a lot and he's definitely interesting.

work a part time job as a teenager ❌

Get married and have kids with a materialistic sim as a YA ✅

Lvl 10 Business Career ✅

Divorce spouse and lose everything ✅

Quit job and move out to an empty lot with nothing ✅

Reach Level 10 of another career ✅

Have your kid move in with you when you can support them ✅

Quartz did have a part time job as a teen for maybe a week because I completely forgot, I also forgot to complete the Goal Orientated aspiration as a teen, BUT Quartz did go on a family vacation to Mt. K and now lives there!

The angle I went with their storyline was essentially high school sweethearts gone wrong, they naturally argued all the time so I decided that the story was a couple of teens who should've have moved in together during college because it just all went wrong. Trinity is an absolutely lovely sim so I kind of framed it with Quartz being the bad guy, so he deserved being kicked out with nothing, because he cared more about ambition than family.

I don't have any screenshots unfortunately but after the divorce, Quartz went back to uni to study Psychology, but actually in a dorm instead of the housing I renovated for them last time, and he got a job as a Professor! He got to level 10 pretty quickly and I was able to build him a good little house, not big enough to fulfil his Mansion Baron aspiration but it's pretty and functional!

Next, we met Naomi! It didn't say anything about new relationships after the divorce but I've never really done that before so I wanted Quartz to find someone new and he did! Naomi is the sweetest, I did randomise her traits because I didn't want her to be non-committal but she's honestly one of my favourite generation love interests!

Finally, the next gen! Amber is the the cutest, so far I have zero ideas for her storyline to go alongside the rules but she's doing great, I didn't get to see her grow up much of course because Trinity had custody but she's now living with Quartz and Naomi and they all get along well.

And we're all caught up! I'm so excited that I'm reaching the end of this legacy, I absolutely love playing this and I can't wait to do the evil gen and get to play with an occult sim!

[oflights]

Do you have minor ships in Drarry fics that you like/dont like? Cause I have really weird opinions where I really love some background ships (Hermione/Ron, Harry/Charlie, Ginny/Pansy), dont like others for no good reason (Luna/Ginny, Neville/Harry), and others only if they fit ~my perculiar criteria (Harry/Ginny only as teens/young adults not older, Draco/women only in an arranged marriage cause my Draco is GaY) :D

hi! hmmm, i don't know if i have ones i really dislike that much. i guess one that bothers me is like harry/draco blaise/ron pansy/hermione all at once, or that sort of thing? i like (what my head thinks is) a more realistic view of how friend groups tend to mix. i will always have a soft spot for ron/pansy tho.

and i've said before that even though i ship ron/hermione i do think they'd have a bumpy ride/break up/maybe sometimes it doesn't always work out. i don't like when they're just the boring stable straight couple (even though i think ron is straight, in my heart) popping out babies in the background of harry's mess (my acceptance of epilogue compliance starts and end with scorpius' name, everything else goes in the trash) i like them to have some drama of their own!

i am famously okay with harry and draco with other people in fics, haha, and most of those ships work for me as long as the other partner isn't demonized. harry/ginny and draco/astoria are both cool with me but u have to be nice to them. i also don't mind the arranged marriage stuff BUT i don't always headcanon draco as gay, read/write him as bi sometimes, and probably prefer draco/astoria to be a real relationship. sorry to disagree!!

this is getting wordy so

i think my brain does this weird calculus for that where i actually don't see harry/ginny working out as a real adult couple outside of nostalgic adolescent feelings/idyllic teen sweethearts (which is hilariously ironic, since my husband is my older brother's best friend who i met in high school...) but draco/astoria would have connected post-canon as adults or near adults, when draco has grown up and reflected and redeemed himself a bit. so that works out better to me in my mind, like astoria set up not as a remnant of his old pureblood life that he has to endure but as someone who helps him change for the better and is a part of that growth, because she's going through a similar change. even when they get married, i like when they kind of feel like they're tricking their parents about it lol. like yes we're married but we're not going to be like you! love breaking generational trauma patterns.

i know this is kind of a hot take and rarely see people agree with the above lol. my preference for writing harry and draco with other people is to go for OCs because i think people are inevitably going to hate them no matter what, so i might as well make them original. also the idea that you only ever date people you went to school with is so boring to me!! tbh i like both harry and draco to have dated around a bit before they're together.

[bootychomper]

Okay so some people wanted the head cannons so here😼🤲

Also @neptunxx (whispers these in your ear)

-

most of the elemental alliance and the ninjas parents went to the same school since there weren't that many schools in ninjago back then.

-

except for cliff gordon,Lou, and coles grandfather (the master of earth that was shown in the season 4 flashback) he was way older than the rest of the alliance,by the time Misako(5) started school he was already in his mid twenties and his daughter(lilly) was 2. while Lou and cliff both went to the marty openheimers school for performing arts.

-

Garmadon and Wu only started school in like 7 grade because fsm realised how detached they were from the rest of ninjago.

-

Dr Julien and Misako were really close when they were younger because their families lived together, they both had financial issues so they worked together and supported each other.

-

They had a small phase were they genuinely thought that they were siblings and sobbed(alot💔) when their parents told them the sad truth (they still see each other as siblings no matter what anybody says)

-

Misako is Wasian, her mother was white and her Father was Japanese. but she never met her mom since she died during childbirth, so Misako was only raised by her dad.

-

Juliens parents were teenagers when they had him, so he mostly spent his time with Misako and babysitters since both their parents were gone most of the time (Misakos dad was working and Juliens parents were in school/working)

-

Julien and Misako are both autistic, Misakos special interest is archeology while Juliens was robots/androids. but they only got properly diagnosed wayy later since they couldn't afford it but also because it was that time were it was very difficult to be diagnosed if you weren't a cis white man.

-

Julien and Misako are both queer but 1 it was illegal and super dangerous to be out 2 Misako had really bad comphet and only realised after Garmadon came back in season 2. (Lesbian Misako is actually a 50/50 for me her sexuality HC depends on who I ship her with at the moment yk😔)

-

in 8th grade when the love triangle between Misako, Wu and Garmadon was going on, Julien secretly rooted for Wu because he thought Garmadon was an annoying edgelord

-

Maya, Ray and Libber were in a grade under the others while the previous master of ice(ice) was a grade over the others

-

Ray is filipino and was born in ignacia and was taught how to do blacksmithing from a young age, but he later moved to ninjago city to live with his aunt and her husband so he could go to school since the one in ignacia was closing down due to lack of money.

-

Maya is Chinese and was born n raised in ninjago city, her parents were emotionally manipulative and abusive so she ran away when she finished school (16), she stayed on the streets for a while until Wu and Garmadon found her and let her stay at the monastery. when they found out she was the em of water, the whole elemental alliance thing was set into motion.

-

Lou, cliff and the rest of the Royal blacksmiths are the same age as Maya, Ray and Libber

-

Maya and Ray were high school(not actually High Schoolers but yk in love whatever) sweethearts, Maya caught feelings first and Ray asked her to be his valentine in 8th.

-

Lilly is Indian/Persian (dad Indian mom Persian) she was also goth but had to stop later due to her illness. (Goth Lilly supremacy guys)

-

Lou is African, his parents died in a house fire and he lived in an orphanage for a couple years until he was adopted by two actors who then enrolled him into the marty openheimers school

-

Lou and Lilly met at a music festival, it was one of those festivals where it's just every type of music, Lilly was there for goth music and Lou was there for whatever he listened to idk

-

Lou noticed Lilly while she and her friends we're doing their goth dance moves and he just thought it was the coolest thing ever (and that one of them was really really pretty aka Lilly but he didn't know that yet)

-

during the break(are there breaks at music festivals???idk I've never been to one) Lou got enough courage to go and approach her (also with some hyping up from the other royal blacksmiths)

-

they pretty much immediately hit it off and after around two months they started dating

-

even before they started dating they were absolutely adorable, basically music nerd/theater kid x cool goth girl

-

Lou researched shit ton about goth music and style etc just so he could impress her (aww fucking nerd)

-

sometimes Lilly would take him to goth parties, she tried to teach him goth dance moves but he failed miserably every single time.

-

Lilly was a divorced parents kid, she and her siblings were the "one week at dads one week at moms" type of kids.

-

Lilly also has 2 older sisters who are twins (around 5 years older thank her) and one little brother 2 years younger than her.

-

That's it🤲

Also when it comes to school and grades I just used my own school system as a reference so like a quick guide uh you start school at 6 in like 0th grade(that's just the name idk if its called something else other places and no it's not kindergarten) then you just go up normally 1st 2nd 3rd etc and you're 15 when you finish public school aka after 9nth grade (or I mean the age depends on when your birthday is idfk🤷‍♀️)

Also I might make more of these cuz I wanna go more on Libbys, Cliffs, Ices etc lives but it might take a while😔

[lifesizehysteria]

To Where You Are (2/?) | An AdamsFoster Fic

Fandom: The Fosters/AdamsFoster

Summary: Based on my previous story, Journey to You, this chronicles Lena’s side of all of the events that took place between the flashbacks from 1x09. This is how Lena fell in love with Stef and, despite every obstacle in the way, was finally able to accept and meet Stef exactly where she was on her journey.

Chapter Title Song: Good Friends and a Glass of Wine by LeAnn Rimes (It’s very on the nose, I know.)

~

Chapter 2: Good Friends and a Glass of Wine

"Hi!" Lena stepped back from the door to make room. "Come in."

Kelly led the way, her hand clasped around Garret's little hand while Jenna urged him forward with a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, come on. Let's go, let's go." Jenna chanted her encouragement as the family piled into the entryway like a struggling freight train.

"Sorry we're running a little late." Kelly wrapped Lena in a one-armed hug. She looked as she always had—sleek black hair, lanky build, kind smile, and pale skin that defied the California sun.

The two had met in college when Lena was a freshman, Kelly a sophomore. Both psychology majors, their constantly overlapping schedules led to frequent study sessions, which then developed into an easy friendship. They were alike in all the right ways—quiet introverts who could always enjoy each other's company, even when it was silent. During Kelly's senior year, she'd met Jenna—a loud, and very proud, lesbian—and Lena, who had also been out since high school, had been able to be a quieter, more understanding place for Kelly as she navigated discovering her sexuality and coming out. As much as life had changed over the years, Kelly had been a constant in Lena's life and, especially after the events of the last year, she knew how lucky she was to have someone she could trust to always be there.

"No, it's fine," Lena assured her, waving away her apology. She looked at Jenna who was working very hard at counterbalancing the enormous tote bag slung over her shoulder. "Can I take some—Oh!" She almost lost her balance as Garrett flung his arms around her thighs in a tight hug.

"Wena!"

"Hi, Garrett." With her legs trapped, she bent over his head and wrapped his narrow shoulders in an awkward hug.

"That's enough Garrett. C'mon. Free the lady." Jenna offered an apologetic smile. "Hey, can I borrow your fridge?" she asked, adjusting the bag on her shoulder.

"Of course."

"Thanks." With a remarkable resemblance to Quasimodo, Jenna lumbered toward the kitchen while Lena closed the front door. Kelly was helping their four-year-old remove his shoes, and when he was free, he bolted toward the kitchen, his sock-covered feet slipping on the hardwood floor.

"Thank you for letting us bring him," Kelly said as they followed him into the kitchen. "I know this is a lot more chaos than you're used to."

"It's fine," Lena reassured her, just as she had on the phone earlier. "You know Garrett is always welcome."

"You might change your mind after tonight," Jenna warned as they came through the door way. Garrett was whizzing back and forth behind her, sliding on the floor while making a sound that could only be classified as a yodel. Jenna's enormous bag had taken over the island in Lena's kitchen.

"Garrett, that's enough sweetheart," Kelly said.

Mid-slide, Jenna turned and stepped back into his path, wrapping her arms around him when he slammed into her legs. He was squealing with laughter when she picked him up so they were face-to-face. "'Kay bud. I know you're excited but we gotta take it down a notch." She waited for him to settle. His cheeks were flushed and he panted a little, his smile undiminished as his brow furrowed in his effort to restrain himself.

"'Kay, Mommy."

"Thank you." Jenna grinned at him and patted his butt before setting him down on the floor.

"Gare, sweetie, there are some books and toys in the bag Mommy has. Why don't you pick out a couple things to play with over there while we wait for dinner?" Kelly pointed towards the breakfast nook that was off the kitchen.

"Here." With a grunt, Jenna hefted the bag off of the island and Garrett began rummaging through before she even had it set down on the ground.

"Speaking of dinner, do you want me to call and add something for him to our order? I ordered before the babysitter canceled."

"Got it covered," Jenna said. "His dinner's already in the fridge."

"Since we went full vegetarian, he won't eat anything but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches," Kelly told her.

"Oh no!" Lena chuckled in sympathy.

"Yeah, he won't even eat my broccoli and cheese. Which he's always loved." Rolling her eyes, Jenna took a step towards the other two and dropped her voice. "Little shit."

"Jen!" Kelly chastised while Lena tried to conceal a grin.

"Just because you don't say it doesn't mean you don't think it," Jenna teased as she crossed over toward her partner. When Kelly scrunched her face in a childish retort, Jenna wrapped her in a bear hug and planted a loud kiss on her cheek. Lena noticed the smile glimmering in her friend's eyes, despite her attempt at looking annoyed, and couldn't help but smile at the exchange.

A loud crash behind them had all three women turning toward the breakfast nook. They watched as Garrett, flat on his face and surrounded by a now strewn pile of toys, groaned and popped back up.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Kelly asked, looking nonplussed as she took a step closer, untangling herself from Jenna's arms.

"Uh huh!" He wore a big lopsided grin that made his eyes squint behind his little red glasses.

"Maybe a few less toys next time, yeah?" Jenna suggested.

"Okay!" he shouted, then tripped over one of the toys again. He fell to the floor in a fit of giggles and his moms shared a rueful glance, smiling and shaking their heads.

"Sorry," Kelly told Lena. "We thought the glasses were going to improve the clumsiness. Turns out this is just who he is."

Lena chuckled and shrugged. "He's fine. I can't believe how big he's gotten! It seems like he was just babbling and crawling and now he's having conversations and running around like such a… kid!"

"Now if he could only figure out how to stand still. Literally for any length of time," Jenna whispered, earning herself a stern glare from her partner, and smirking in return.

Pressing her lips together against another grin, Lena changed the subject, offering them something to drink. She gathered a Diet Coke for Jenna and ice waters for Kelly and herself before joining her friends in the breakfast nook. While they waited for their food to arrive, they played a couple rounds of Go Fish with Garrett. Lena was once again surprised by how mature he was. He was always such a bundle of energy and yet he could sit and play the game almost unassisted. Anchor Beach didn't have a pre-k program so Lena typically only dealt with kids his age as prospective kindergarten admissions. Still, she'd met enough of them to know that Garrett was particularly bright, if easily excitable.

When the food arrived, they decided to eat out back on the patio. Kelly thought there was less risk of Garrett making a mess, and although Lena had assured them they would be fine inside, she was overruled when both Jenna and Garrett agreed with Kelly. Not that Lena minded. The warm weather had continued into the weekend and the spring afternoons were getting longer. It was even still light enough for them to sit and have a glass of wine after dinner. While Garrett ran around the backyard, content to play by himself, Lena was finally able to bring up the subject she'd been dying to tell them.

"You're never going to guess who called," she said with a dark glint in her eyes.

"Who?"

She waited a beat to answer, making Kelly lean forward in anticipation.

"Amber."

"No way!" The shock in Jenna's voice was mirrored in Kelly's slack jaw.

Lena nodded, her eyebrows raising just a bit higher, her mouth pulling down at the corners.

"So you talked to her?" Kelly asked.

"Oh, of course not!" Lena shook her head, as if to repel the very idea. "I let it go to the machine."

"Good," Jenna said.

"Is this the first time she's called?" Kelly asked.

"Yeah," she said, then thought about it. "Well, since right after it happened when she called every day for a week trying to get me to talk to her."

"Hasn't it been like a year?"

Lena nodded. "Almost."

"What did she want? Did she leave a message?"

"She's back in town and wanted to 'meet up and try to make amends'." Lena breathed out a humorless laugh that echoed in her glass as she took a long drink.

Jenna tilted her head, pretending to be deep in thought. "And how, exactly, do you 'make amends' for sleeping with your best friend's girlfriend?"

"I wouldn't know." Lena's nose flared, her eyebrows arched high, and there was a hint of contempt in her voice. "I am not a narcissistic adulterer who lacks both integrity and self control."

"So, clearly you're over it," Jenna teased.

Lena pursed her lips. "I'm fine."

Jenna and Kelly exchanged a look before Kelly took a very convenient, and very long, drink of wine.

"Wouldn't she technically not be an adulterer though?" Jenna wondered aloud.

"Excuse me?" Lena's eyebrows shot up again, not sure whether to be offended or confused.

"I'm just saying. You and Gretchen weren't married."

"But we were in a committed, monogamous relationship."

"Were you?" There was no malice in Jenna's voice, and yet Lena felt her back stiffen in defense. "I mean, you guys hadn't gotten a domestic partnership or had any kind of commitment ceremony," Jenna shrugged, "and you knew who Gretchen was when you started dating."

Lena raised her chin. Her eyes were hard and her jaw flexed, giving away her otherwise perfect composure. "Yeah, and she knew who I was." Her cheeks were warm and her voice sharpened, though it never raised from her usual, practiced calm. "We were together for a year and a half. It's not like I was just making assumptions. We were talking about weddings and making plans for the future. She knew what I wanted out of our relationship and even if we weren't on exactly the same page, she never made any indication that she was anything other monogamous."

Jenna held her hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay. I'm not defending her. I'm just saying..."

"But maybe you shouldn't," Kelly said quietly, grimacing at her partner who shot her back an incredulous look.

"Regardless of Gretchen's commitment to monogamy," Lena continued, ignoring the other two as they conversed in their private language of facial expressions and minute head gestures, "the one person I shouldn't have had to worry about was Amber."

Kelly turned her attention back to Lena. "You're absolutely right," she agreed with a solemn nod.

A moment passed as an awkward tension pressed against all of them, bursting when Jenna snorted. "You're so is not over it."

Lens deflated with an exhale and rolled her eyes closed as a smile crept back onto her lips. She could always count on Jenna to push her buttons just enough to get under her skin, and then reel it back in at the very last second. "Yes, I am."

Jenna narrowed her eyes at her. "Then prove it."

"What? How?"

"Come out for drinks with us. We can be your wing-women—not that you need it—and you can finally get back out there."

Lena shook her head. "That's a nice offer but I'm gonna pass."

"See?" Jenna nudged Kelly with her elbow. "She's not over it." Kelly also looked unconvinced, though more sympathetic.

"Really, you guys. I'm fine. I am!" she insisted when Jenna rolled her eyes. "I'm just taking some time for myself, to work on me, to focus on work, to... reconnect with myself."

"So, you're seeing your vibrator a lot then," Jenna said matter-of-factly.

Kelly reached over and popped Jenna on the leg with the back of her hand, making her laugh as Lena sighed to herself and tried not to encourage her by laughing. Her cheeks grew warm again.

"I just want to focus on myself for a while, y'know? Not have to worry about the mess that comes with a relationship."

Kelly looked surprised. "This is the first time you've been single for more than six months in the ten years we've known each other."

"All the more reason," Lena said, tilting her chin and cocking a playful eyebrow.

Jenna barked a laugh. "Who said anything about a relationship? Honey, you just need to get laid. Or at least make out with a hot woman in the bathroom or something. C'mon, we can go to The Flame, and party like it's nineteen ninety-nine!"

"It's not a bad idea," Kelly said. "I know it's hard to take that first leap but you don't have to do it alone. We'll help you."

"So, whataya say? Drinks next week?" Jenna said, grinning.

Lena shook her head again, her wine glass tucked against her shoulder, nose scrunched. "Yeah, I don't think so. Your taste in women is questionable at best." Turning to Kelly, she added, "No offense."

Kelly's grin widened and her eyes brightened with mischief. "None taken. I'm more than aware that I'm an exception to the rule."

Jenna scoffed. "Excuse me? My taste in women is not questionable!"

"Jen, honey," Kelly reached over and squeezed her partner's leg. "Paris Hilton is on your freebie list."

"So?" Jenna looked between them and, seeing the way Lena cringed, shot back an incredulous bob of her head. "What? So, she's a little messy. She's also hot. Not everything has to be deep and meaningful." Her tone was mocking but it was obvious her back was up.

"Well, that may be," Lena said with mischief dancing in her eyes, "but you're the only one here who's ever slept with a clown. While she was in costume."

Jenna's mouth fell open. "Oh my god, she told you?" She turned to Kelly, "You told her?" Kelly's face was growing redder by the second, her hand pressed over her mouth as if it could help contain the silent laughter that was making her shoulders shake. "I can't believe you told her!"

Kelly tried to respond but couldn't get a word out, folding in half while her partner watched her in humiliated horror. Lena was trying so hard to hold in her own laughter it was making her stomach hurt.

"I'm sorry—" A hiccup of laughter cut Lena off, which only make Kelly worse. "I—" she tried again. "She shouldn't have—" Her words bubbled into laughter and she gave up her fight, setting down her wine glass for fear of spilling it as her whole body shook.

"I can't believe you two!" Jenna scolded, making Kelly snort and Lena toss her head back against her chair, cackling. "You're horrible. Both of you."

Every time Lena and Kelly looked at each other, they broke out in another fit of laughter.

"You know, she may have been a clown but she was also nice, which is more than I can say about either of you!"

At this, Kelly tried to rein herself in, taking a deep breath and blowing it back out as it tripped over her giggles. "I'm sorry-y," she managed, her puckered lips doing nothing to stop her from grinning.

"Uh-uh. Nope. Not gonna cut it." Jenna shook her head, eyes narrowed on Kelly.

"C'mon, babe, it's not that bad. But I have always wondered… Did her nose honk when she—" That was as far as she got before she collapsed with laughter again, the sound of it muffled by the table as she buried her face in the crook of her arm. Lena's belly ached as she swiped at the tears now rolling down her cheeks.

Jenna's chair scraped against the cement, pulling them both back enough to look at her.

"Where're you going?"

"To go play with my son. Because he's nice to me." She stood up, knees locked, arms crossed over her puffed up chest.

Lena couldn't quite keep the stunned look off her face, her chin tilting down and eyebrows shooting up, though mirth still twinkled in her eyes.

"C'mon, Jen, don't run off and pout!" Kelly said as Jenna turned and practically stomped away.

Lena watched her go and felt an inkling of irritation tamper her amusement. When Kelly turned back to her and heaved a sigh, she knew her friend was feeling the same. She never would understand how someone who was so quick to tease could have such a thin skin. They both knew there was nothing to be done about it but wait, so in consolation, Lena topped off Kelly's glass of wine and then changed the subject, secretly grateful for a few minutes alone with her best friend.

[rogeriswater]

Don't Leave Me Now

xxxi

This work contains fictionalized versions of real events and people. Most details won’t be accurate to real life.

tags for this chapter: p.o.v changes, more arguing from maggie and billy, maggie passes out

~m.r~

Billy and I sat in the waiting room of the therapists office. It was our first session with Dr. Quinn today. Honestly, I would rather be in the studio today. Roger definitely wasn't pleased when I called and told him I would be late today because I had to attend marriage counselling instead. I looked around the waiting room at the other couples awaiting therapy, while Billy read through a newspaper. "We need a bigger place, y'know? We can't raise a child in that flat" He told me.

"I have always wanted to move out of there" I agreed.

"And I know you don't want a nanny but—"

"No"

"Well it's not like you can be a full time mom" Billy decided to start arguing with me. "It wouldn't hurt to have a little bit of help"

All I could do was roll my eyes. Our names were called, indicating it was our turn for our appointment. We went into Dr. Quinn's office and sat on the couch that was there. It was quiet between us as we waited. Dr. Quinn came in and sat in her chair across from us. "Interesting" She remarked right off the bat. "Most couples usually sit apart from each other. Not close together"

"Well it's not like we resent each other" Billy said.

 "Yet" I muttered.

 "Why don't you both start telling me more about your relationship? How did you meet?" Dr. Quinn jumped right in.

Billy took my hand as he started to reminisce. "We're high school sweethearts. As soon as she walked into the classroom, I was smitten. It was love at first sight" He squeezed my hand as he smiled at me. I didn't return the affectionate gesture.

"It might have been love at first sight for him, but it took me a few dates before I realized that there were some strong feelings" I explained.

"Did you have any relationships prior?" Dr. Quinn inquired.

"No. Billy was my first ever boyfriend"

I couldn't help but notice Billy hesitated a bit before answering. "Maggie was the first and only girl I've ever loved"

Dr. Quinn smiled at us. "So you two have been together for a long time. It's rare to see first loves last as long as yours have"

"Are you married, Dr. Quinn?" I suddenly asked her.

"Maggie!" Billy hissed at me. "Not appro—"

Dr. Quinn held her hand up. "No, it's alright. I've been divorced two times"

I raised an eyebrow. "And you're a marriage counsellor? Seems ironic, doesn't it? Considering you've failed at marriage twice"

Billy sighed and hid his face in his hand while Dr. Quinn nodded and jotted something down. "You seem hostile, Maggie"

"Of course, I'm hostile. I don't need a stranger getting involved in our marriage" I heard Billy scoff. I turned my head and glared at him. "What?"

"Then what would you call Roger then?"

"That's different—"

"No! He's been butting in on our marriage since the day you met him!"

Dr. Quinn cut in. "Roger? This is the man that was with you the other day when I was in your home, yes?"

"That was him, yes"

Dr. Quinn wrote in her notes again. I was finding that to be rather annoying. "Quite handsome, isn't he?" I gave her a questioning look. How the fuck did she want me to answer that?

"Excuse me, why are you asking her that?" Billy said.

Dr. Quinn ignored him and she grinned at me. "What is the extent of your relationship with Roger?" The way she asked me that, the way she looked at me, it's like she knew.

"He's my best friend, I would say" I answered.

Billy muttered. "Yeah, right" He crossed his arms and leaned back on the couch.

"Billy, do you have something you'd like to say?" Dr. Quinn asked.

"I have a lot I would like to say about Roger Waters. I know he wants my wife"

"And how does that make you feel?"

Billy scoffed. "Pissed! How else is it supposed to make me feel!? I don't know what those two do on tour together! For all I know, they could've fucked each other! And that thought terrifies me!"

Dr. Quinn tried to speak. "Okay, Billy, I get—"

Billy stood up. His fists were clenched and his face was red. "No, you don't get it! Maggie is mine! No one is taking her away from me!" I didn't notice that I had started to curl up my body. Dr. Quinn definitely noticed. She looked at me and I could tell she was concerned. "I think we're done here today. Let's go Maggie!" Billy didn't even wait for me as he stormed out of the office.

I was about to follow after him when Dr. Quinn stopped me. "Maggie, would it be alright if I see you for a one-on-one session?"

"I suppose" I hesitantly agreed.

And for the first time that day, Dr. Quinn gave me a genuine smile. "Great. And I think it's best we don't tell Billy about this one, alright?" Wait, what exactly did she have in store for this one-on-one appointment?

~

I made Billy drive me to the studio. He was in the mood to yell at me and I didn't want to have any of that. The whole car ride, he screamed at me and even when we got to the studio, that didn't end. He followed me inside, still screaming at me and insulting me. "Just leave me alone and go home!" I screamed at him.

"You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to do because you're my wife!" Billy snarled at me.

"What is your fucking problem anyways?"

"My problem is that you've been pushing me away! And I just want to know why!?"

"Get. Out!" I sneered.

"Hey!" Shit, that was Roger. I looked over and noticed that the boys had been observing us. I didn't even realize we were in here. Roger came over to us. He stood in between me and Billy. "She wants to you to leave, so I think you better go"

Billy scowled at him. "Y'know, this is all your fault!"

"Excuse me?"

"If you hadn't met her, her and I would still be close!"

Roger glared at him. "She wants you to go, so go"

Billy didn't say another word. He just turned and left. Once he was gone, Roger turned to me and grabbed my face. "Darling, are you alright?"

"Yeah, he just gets on my fucking—" My vision suddenly went dark and my body went heavy as I fell to the ground.

"Maggie!" Roger's voice was the last thing I remember hearing.

~

I woke up to bright lights. I noticed that I was in a hospital room. I also noticed that Roger was sitting in the chair next to my bed, and he had fallen asleep. I reached over and gently shook him to wake him up. His eyes opened and he smiled as soon as he saw me. "Darling, you're awake"

"What happened?" I asked.

"The nurses said your blood pressure spiked too high. It made you pass out" Roger explained.

"Oh"

Roger grabbed my hand. He brought it up to his lips and kissed it. "You had me worried there, sunshine"

When the nurse came into the room, Roger didn't even bother letting go of my hand. "I see your fiancé is finally awake!"

I looked at Roger. He shrugged. "It was the only way they'd let me in with you"

"You should be okay to go home, hun. Just keep any eye on your blood pressure. Stay away from anything that will cause too much stress. You're aware you're pregnant?" I nodded. The nurse smiled at me then she looked at Roger. "You must be very excited to be a dad!"

Roger didn't look at the nurse. Instead, he kept smiling at me. "You have no idea"

"Well, congratulations to you both" The nurse said before leaving us alone.

"Let's get going then, sunshine. You're gonna stay with me for awhile" Roger declared.

I gave him a puzzled look. "Wait, why?"

"You heard what the nurse said. You can't be around anything that causes you stress, and that idiot is clearly causing you stress"

"What about Judy?"

"You let me worry about her, okay?"

"Now, let's get out of here, yeah? I'll take you home so you can pack some clothes and then I'll bring you to mine"

~

I noticed Billy's car was gone when we got to my building. That meant he wasn't home which I was thankful for. Roger waited in the car as I went in to pack myself a bag. It didn't take me long to pack. I didn't even leave Billy a note to tell him I would be gone. I went back to Roger's car. It was a silent drive back to his flat. He held onto my hand the whole ride there. Once we arrived, we stayed in the car for a little bit. "Roger?"

"Mhm?" He hummed, staring at me as he stroked my hair.

"You're the first one to ever truly love me, y'know?"

"M'sure Ronnie and Lee love you, yeah?"

"Well, they're my siblings. They're obligated to love me. You chose to love me"

"I wouldn't say I chose to love you. You don't choose who you fall in love with. It just happens, y'know?"

I smiled at him. "Well, I'm glad it did"

"Me too" He leaned in and kissed me deeply. His hands went to my waist and he carefully guided me over to him so that I was on his lap. My arms wrapped around his neck while fingers tangled in his hair.

He pushed my hair out of the way so he could have better access to my neck. His lips left mine so he could kiss along my jaw and start kissing my neck. Roger went to work on suckling at my skin so he could leave a hickey. Once he was satisfied, he pulled away and cupped my neck, brushing his thumb over the new mark on my neck. "I think we should head inside, darling" He decided.

I was tempted to just ask him to drive us somewhere far away and never come back. Both of us got out of the car. He grabbed my bag for me. We walked up to his flat. Judy was gone when we got there. Roger mentioned to me how she was probably at her pottery studio. He showed my the guest bedroom where I would be staying while I'm here.

"I would love to stay here with you, but I need to get back to the studio" Roger said.

"Don't you need me there too?" I asked.

"No, you stay here and rest. I'll let the others know that you're okay. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen. You have free reign of the flat while you're here" He kissed my forehead before he left, leaving me by my lonesome.

I sighed as I flopped onto the bed. I knew Roger probably wouldn't be back until very late, and I had no idea when Judy would be here. So I guess I was on my own for a bit. My stomach rumbled. I realized I had barely eaten today. I turned on the television for some background noise, and then went into the kitchen. I searched around for something to eat before I decided on roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.

~

I had the roast beef in the oven. A movie was playing on the television and it had piqued my interest. I was so engrossed in it, I had barely noticed that Judy had come home. "Maggie, what are you doing here?" She asked.

I figured it was best to be honest with her. "Billy and I had another argument today and it caused my blood pressure to spike and me to pass out. Roger thought it was best if I stay here for a few days"

"Oh" I could tell she was not too pleased with the idea. However, her expression changed when she noted the smell. "Is that roast beef I smell?"

"I hope you don't mind. I found it in the freezer and I thought you guys might like a nice home cooked meal"

"That's... really nice of you, Maggie" Judy took her coat off and put her bag down. She sat right beside me on the couch. Usually she would be on the opposite end. "What are you watching?"

"I think it's Funny Girl with Barbra Streisand"

Judy leaned back against the couch and put her feet up on the coffee table. "Roger went back to the studio, didn't he?"

"Yep" I replied, popping the "p".

"Well then, I guess it's just going to be you and me for dinner" Judy sighed with disappointment. I wasn't quite sure from what though. Was it the fact that meant she was stuck with me, or the fact it would another late night waiting up for Roger? "At least I won't be alone tonight"

Judy and I continued to watch the film. We spoke no other words to each other. That was at least until the roast beef was done. I plated the food for us. I grabbed the plates and was about to bring them back out to the living room. I noticed that Judy had followed me in and took a seat at the dining table. I set her plate down in front of her and then sat across from her. "And Yorkshire pudding?"

"I'm guessing you and Roger don't have meals like this often?" I asked.

"Very rarely. He's always too busy and I never saw the point in cooking meals like this if I was going to be the only one eating them" Judy explained. She took one bite of the roast beef and she seemed like she was in heaven. "Wow, this is amazing! Where did you learn to cook like this?"

"My siblings and I had to learn how to fend for ourselves as our mother didn't really do her motherly duties all that often. That included the cooking"

Judy frowned. "I'm sorry" She got up and walked over to one of the cupboards. "We need some drinks. Is wine okay?"

"Oh, I can't have any" I told her.

"Oh my God" Judy's eyes widened as she realized. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

"About three weeks"

"Well congratulations!" Judy seemed genuinely happy for me. She poured a glass of wine for herself and set a glass of water in front of me. "Roger and I have been trying but we haven't had any luck"

I'm not gonna lie, that part made my heart sink with guilt. I don't know whether it's because I was pregnant and she wasn't, or if it's because I was possibly pregnant with her fiancés baby. "Have you guys thought of a date for your wedding?" It pained me to ask that.

"I'm hoping for some time in the summer. Roger doesn't seem as excited as I am to get married" Judy frowned.

I reached and put my hand over Judy's. "I'm sure he is. Roger is just not one for showing his emotions, y'know"

"Yeah, I suppose you're right" She gave me a smile. "Thanks, Mags" That was the first time she's ever called me that nickname.

~j.t~

I'm not going to lie, it was rather nice having Maggie's company. I've been wrong about her this entire time, and I guess it was just paranoia making me believe that her and Roger were doing things behind my back. After dinner, we put on a record and decided to play some Scrabble. She was really great at it. She scored pretty well with some big words. Words that Roger would play. The two of them were pretty similar to each other. It's no wonder they got along so well. "Double word score for me!" Maggie cheered.

"You're quite a wiz at this game" I told her.

"Hey, you're not too bad yourself, Jude"

"So, how long are you going to be staying with us?" I asked her. I hope that didn't come off as rude. I didn't mean for it to.

"Oh, well if you want me gone by tomorrow, I can just--"

"No, no. It's fine" I assured her. "I enjoy the company. Roger is such a workaholic. It's like music is his true passion, and I'm just the side hobby"

"I wonder if that's how Billy feels about me lately" Maggie muttered. Though, it didn't sound like she cared too much.

"Is everything alright between you two?" I asked, though this time I was asking as a concerned friend, and not because I wanted to take advantage of the situation.

"Things have been so tense between us lately. We had our first session with the marriage counselor today and let's just say it didn't go too well" Maggie explained. She sighed, leaning back in her chair as she put her hands on her stomach. "Hopefully all our problems can be worked out before the baby gets here"

"Well, you have nine months. I'm sure everything will work out"

"Yeah" Maggie said sadly. We played a few more rounds of Scrabble. Maggie won most of them, while I won once. I'm sure she let me win though. She bid me goodnight and made her way to the guest bedroom. That left me on my own for a bit, as I wasn't sure when Roger would be home, if he was even coming home tonight that is. Some nights he spent all night at the studio and wouldn't return home until morning.

As I was walking past the guest room, I could hear Maggie crying inside. Her sobs were heartbreaking. It made my heart ache with guilt. Poor thing, she loved Billy a lot and she was trying to fix her marriage before their baby came. And here I was, secretly pining after her husband only because he gave me that bit of attention that Roger rarely gives me. I would have to get over that silly little crush and try to make things work with Roger again.

~

I was woken up by the sound of the phone ringing. I rubbed my eyes and looked over at the empty side of the bed. Not so surprisingly, it was empty, meaning Roger hadn't come home yet. I got out of bed and went to go answer the phone. "Hello?" I spoke into the receiver.

"Is Maggie there?" It was Billy, and he sounded drunk. "She's not home and I've called all over. No one has seen her. I figured she might be there"

"No, she's not" I lied to him.

"Oh. Well, would you like to come over then?"

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "Do you realize what time it is?"

"Please, Judy" Billy beggingly slurred. "She's not home and I'd like to see you"

"Billy, I--"

"I'll even fuck you, if you'd like"

Hearing him say that made me grab the phone cord and squeeze it. Had this been any other day before today, I would have seized the opportunity. But now, I couldn't do it. "No, Billy. That's not fair to Maggie"

"Since when the fuck do you care about what's fair to Maggie?"

"Goodbye, Billy" I hung up the phone. Shortly after, the door opened and in walked Roger.

He looked at me and raised his eyebrows. "What are you still doing up?" He asked me.

"The phone was ringing" I explained to him.

"And who was on the phone calling at this hour?"

"Billy was looking for Maggie"

"You didn't tell him she's here, did you?"

"No, of course not" I saw Roger visibly sigh with relief. "And by the way, Maggie is free to stay as long as she wants"

"I thought you didn't trust her"

"Well" I shrugged and crossed my arms. "That was before the two of us spent some quality time together. She's really not that bad"

Roger smiled and kissed me on the forehead. "I'm glad you two are getting along"

I smiled, grabbing his hand. "Are you coming to bed?"

"I'll be right there" He told me. I made my way to the bedroom and crawled back into bed. I waited for nearly an hour before Roger joined me. What takes an hour for him to get ready for bed?

"Rog, is everything okay?" I asked.

"Of course, Jude. What do you ask?" He responded.

"It's just you said you'd be 'right there' an hour ago"

"I just had something to take care of" I turned to my other side so I could face him, but his back was towards me. I put my hand on his shoulder but he pulled away. "Not tonight, Jude. I'm too tired" Typical. He's always too tired for me. Do I just not satisfy him anymore? Is he disgusted with me now?

~r.w~

By the time I woke up, Judy was still asleep. I kissed her forehead before getting up and going to the kitchen. I saw Maggie was up and she was cooking breakfast. She looked to me and smiled. "Morning, Roger"

"Morning, darling" I walked over to her and stood behind her. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to me. "How was your sleep?"

"I slept pretty good last night" She said. "Did you come and cuddle me by chance?"

"For about an hour, why?"

She hummed. "I knew I felt a pair of strong arms around me. And here I thought it was a dream"

"Had you been awake, I would've made love to you"

She turned her head towards me. "You could've woken me up, y'know?"

"But you looked so peaceful and beautiful" I gently grabbed her chin and guided her lips to mine, kissing her soft and sweetly. "I lo--

"Morning!" Judy interrupted us. I quickly removed my arms from Maggie and stepped away from her. "Breakfast smells wonderful, Mags" She then stepped towards me and kissed me.

"You two go sit" Maggie instructed us. Judy and I both sat at the table. Maggie came round with plates of bacon, eggs, and toast and put one down in front of each of us. She then joined us with her own plate. The three of us started to eat.

"Maggie, you should know Billy called last night" Judy mentioned.

Maggie's face soured. "Did he?"

"I didn't tell him you were here though"

"Thank you. Did he say anything else?"

I saw Judy tense for a moment before she shook her head. "No, that was it" We continued to eat the wonderful breakfast Maggie made for us. It had been so long since I had a nice homecooked meal like this (and no, Christmas with my mother does not count). I suppose this was one other thing to look forward to when Maggie and I get married.

~

It was gonna be another day at the studio. I wasn't sure I wanted Maggie to come in today. I guess I was still on edge about her passing out yesterday. She needed to stay home and relax. "Please, Roger? I swear I'm okay"

"No, sunshine. You need to rest" I told her.

"No, I need to go with you so we can finish the album. You can't exactly do that without me, can you?" Maggie had a point there. She could be so stubborn sometimes, but that was one thing I loved about her. It meant she could keep up with me.

I gave in to her. "Fine, but you show one sign of feeling unwell, I'm driving you straight back here"

Judy joined us, all clean and dressed from the shower she just had. "Is Maggie going to the studio too then?" That was funny. It almost sounded like Judy was disappointed.

"Yes, she is" I nodded. "Why?"

Judy rubbed her arm. "Well, I was hoping she was gonna stay home today. It's just... yesterday was so nice, having someone to spend time with, and Maggie, you're fun to hang out with"

"Maybe some other time, Jude" Maggie promised her. Judy smiled at that and nodded.

"Well, have a good day then, you two" Judy kissed me, and then she hugged Maggie.

Maggie and I walked out to my car. When we got in, I didn't start it. I just sat there, gripping at the wheel, staring out the windshield. Maggie looked at me. She frowned and ran her hand through my hair. I closed my eyes and sighed at the affectionate gesture. "What's wrong, my love?" She asked.

Would it be wrong of me to tell her the idea of her and Judy getting close made me uncomfortable? I could see how that would work out. The two get closer, becoming the best of friends. Maggie starts to feel guilt about being with me because she's hurting Judy. So what does she do? Maggie decides to end things with me. We can't have that, now can we? However, I didn't tell Maggie any of that. That would be kept to myself. "Everything's okay. Just worrying about you" I told her.

"I will be fine, Roger. You worry too much" Maggie assured me.

I chuckled. "Only about you, sunshine"

~

Maggie and I walked into the studio together. We were quite early (as I liked to be). The only other ones here so far were Nick and Lindy. Usually we had a no partners in the studio rule, but there was an exception if they were to be helping out. We were going to do Green Is The Colour today and Lindy was going to play penny whistle on the track. "Lindy!" Maggie smiled big when she saw her.

"Mags!" Lindy called back to her. "Nick was telling me you passed out yesterday. You didn't stress the poor girl out did you, Rog?"

"I would never, Lin" I said.

"Yeah, he only wants to stress the rest of us out" Nick chimed in. "How can I become a beautiful blonde and blue eyed woman named Maggie so you can stop screaming bloody murder at us?" I wanted to get mad at that, but Nick saying that made Maggie laugh. I loved her laugh. "I'm serious, Maggie. You have to stop getting unwell at work. He's a bloody nightmare when you're not here"

Lindy's eyes lit up as she remembered something. "Nick told me the good news! Is it true? You're gonna be a mum?"

Maggie put her hands on her hips and glared at Nick. "Did you also tell the Queen of England while you were at it?"

"She hasn't written me back yet" Nick snickered.

"You know what's absolutely hilarious?" Maggie said. "The fact you guys and now even your wives know, but my own family has no clue"

"You're gonna have to tell them soon, hun" Lindy told her. "Preferably before your stomach grows in size"

Maggie's eyes widened and she started to cry. Lindy frowned in guilt. "Oh God, I'm gonna be fat!"

"I'm sorry, hun, I didn't mean to make you upset"

"No, no, it wasn't you. It's my damn hormones" Maggie said, wiping her tears. "God, I would kill for a cigarette right now" She looked at me with those puppy dog eyes, hoping I would cave in and give her one.

I clicked my tongue and shook my head. "I don't think so, sunshine. Not with a baby in there" I poked at her stomach gently.

"Great, so I'm gonna be fat and I can't smoke for nine months"

"You aren't gonna be fat, sunshine" I told her.

"I am! I'm gonna be fat and hideous!" Maggie broke out into tears again. Nick, Lindy and I all looked at each other. We didn't know what to do for her. I put my arm around her and tried to console her.

"Rog, please tell us you didn't make the poor girl cry?" Rick's voice chimed in. He and David had walked in just at the right time to see Maggie in tears.

"It wasn't me!" I snapped at the accusation.

"It's her pregnancy hormones" Lindy explained.

"She thinks she's gonna be fat and hideous when she starts showing" Nick added.

"Fat and hideous?" David asked. He shook his head. "Maggie, you could never be hideous. And you won't be fat. You'll be showing. Creating life inside of you"

Maggie nodded and then wiped away her tears. "Thanks you guys"

"Now that we're all here, I think we should get started yeah?" I encouraged.

~

We jumped right into Green Is The Colour. I was excited to do this one as this had been the song I wrote for Maggie. Maggie insisted on harmonizing with David again for this one because she was adamant on it sounding much better as a harmony. And she was right of course. It did sound much better. As we all played together, I couldn't help but watch as David and Maggie sang together.

Heavy hung the canopy of blue Shade my eyes and I can see you White is the light that shines Through the dress that you wore

 A part of me was amazed at how well their voices sounded together, and the other part of me was jealous. Jealous of how well they harmonized. It would probably never sound that good if Maggie and I sang together. My voice was shit when it came to singing. And the way the two of them were looking and smiling at each other wasn't helping either.

But I tried not to think about that too much. I had something else on my mind. Since we were nearly completed with the album, and we would have a bit of a break, I was going to take Maggie on a trip. Wherever she wanted to go. It would just be the two of us. We could be together without the threat of someone finding out about us. Of course, I had to tell Maggie about it first. Once we were finished and happy with the song, I pulled Maggie aside to a private room. The first thing I did, of course, was give her a deep and passionate kiss. The kiss lasted for a good minute before I pulled away and put my forehead to his. "Fuck, I've been waiting all day to kiss you like that" I told her.

"That's the only thing?" Maggie smirked at me.

"You know damn well it isn't" I said, kissing her again. "But that stuff will have to wait. Now, I have something I want to ask you"

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Well considering the album is nearly completed and we don't have anything else to do for another month, the two of us can take a holiday together" The smile that was on her face faded away. It made me worry. "What's wrong?"

"Roger, you know I would love for the two of us to take a trip"

"And why can't we then?"

"It's just the timing. After the album is finished, Ronnie, Lee and I were going to take a trip to our family farm in Scotland"

"Can't you just reschedule it?"

Maggie glared at me. "No, we've had this planned for ages, and this will the first time in two years I've gone to Scotland with my family. I'm not changing my plans on them"

"Well, I could go with you, yeah?" The way she frowned already told me my answer. I sighed. "I can't go with you"

"No. Billy is coming"

"Why does he get to go with you!?" I didn't mean to snap at her the way I just did but it infuriated me. I was the one who loves her. Why should he get to go?

"Because Ginny and Sandy are going too. Y'know, Lee's wife and Ronnie's girlfriend? So yeah, it makes sense that Billy goes too. He's my husband after all"

"I'm sorry, darling" I sighed.

"Rog, you know if I could, I would take you with me" Maggie cupped my face.

I put my hand over hers. "I know, love. Just promise you'll call me every day, yeah?"

"I will Rog, I promise" She kissed me again.

I don't know how I was gonna handle being so far from Maggie. But it's not being so far from her that I was most worried about. She was gonna be with Billy. I don't know which thought worried me more. What if he screamed bloody murder at her more and it made her pass out again? Or what if they reconcile things on this trip and Maggie decides that she does love him again? Both of things would pang my heart with pain if they happened, though only one would be worse than the other.

[forbidding-souda]

omg i just crawled out of hell istg 😭

this is rin btw.

but i got so sick last week... your girl (feeling feminine lately) had walking pneumonia, a uti, and a week long migraine at the same time. i was suffering 😭

but i am BACK and feeling OKAY. my body still feels like a noodle but at least my pain's gone 😭

have you been alright??? do you have any gossip on hand that you're comfy to tell?? 👀

also remember to take care of yourself and eat and drink and take your meds and all that good stuff, you amazing, beautiful motherfucker :)

DAMN THAT SOUNDS CRAZY ASF..... I'm happy you're feeling better. And I HAVE been taking my meds mwahaha. I was partying like all weekends for the last three weeks and I'd start taking my meds at like wack ass inconsistent times and it was poopoo because it just made my anxiety go out of the roof it was so disabling I hated it.

Gossip below the cut

If you want to hear about gossip I can talk about the lore between me and the scene. Basically I was in the talking stage with this one guy who is in the most popular band and we were like goofy friends / flirting like cray and then one day we both just stopped LMFAO it was just random like I think we were busy or didn't have time to talk tbh i don't remember /srs. And then like a few weeks later my best best friend in the scene was like you won't believe this... I'm dating [him] and sent photos of them together I was like oh my fucking god (and very very many months ago they were like "remember when I said I had a crush on him" and tbh I completely forgot I was like oops). It gets better / worse. So they're like a very happy couple and they're hella cute tbh it's amazing but they keep making jokes about how he's straight dating a bi androgynous girl and I'm like ooohhhhh my god she doesn't know he was just talking to a guy. He never told her we were talking btw. I'm like gosh. It's been five months since they got together and me and her have been hanging out more, especially since her birthday was like two weeks ago... and he was there... and I think it was the first time he's spoken to me since we stopped talking (GoOD, obviously) and it was when my friend wasn't with us. And it freaked me out: I've decided I hate talking to him without my friend there. I was also in line at one of his shows four days ago and he was talking to his friends before walking backstage again and he specifically said hi to me and only me I was like oh my fucking god I'm gonna kill myself.

Anyway at that show ^ me and my husband talked in public for like ? the first time. He's in one of the popular bands. There was a girl following him around like the entire time and it was stressing me out because they went outside for a second but I wasn't about to follow him and they were just smoking I was like word. NO ALSO YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY, a few weeks ago the band members had like a joke conference thing and afterwards I gave the singer of my husbands band a bag of chips bc he was hungry and I was high off my motherfucking ass and I was just standing there as they were talking like :) where it would have been awkward but I was too high to realize IT WAS SO FUNNY. The singer of his band is like lowkey rude but I think that's just because we're acquaintances now and I'm not just like a random fan. The drummer of his band is such a sweetheart he is like the most amazing person ever I hung out with him the most at the birthday party. I've never met the bassist or even hung out with him before he's so mysterious (and my best friend from since middle school has a crush on him so I'm like hmmmmmm).

Also at the birthday party on of the guys from another band was like ??? flirting with me I think ??? he let me finish his cig and shit and when (we were at the beach btw) I laid down on my stomach he was like "your tattoo is so pretty" as if it's not a basic ass tattoo. It's on my shoulder and it's like a classic outline of a old-style clown. We'd also smile at each other and whenever someone would tell a joke he'd look directly at me. Tbh I'm forgetting if there was everything else but. The crazy part about this is it's one of my friends ex so I'm wondering if he's being nice because he's seen us together (which that part is not an assumption, he has seen us together before) ???. Idk I texted her about it and she was like that's weird asf and he was probably flirting with you but I don't want to associate with him and I assured her that she is more important and I'm not gonna do nothing and then five minutes later I was like can I smoke his cigs though and she was like yes I respect that grind. LMFAO he just let me smoke one yesterday.

This isn't gossip it's me gushing but this really attractive friend of mine that I'm taking to shows as if he isn't like a white boy from UC Berkeley and he is such an extrovert he will walk up to random people and introduce himself and talk to them and !!! whenever he did he would tell people about me and bring them over to meet me and when he does he uses she/her on me and I swear to god when I first heard him say that it felt as if sunshine rained down on me. I hope I didn't stare at him with stars in my eyes because that's what it felt like. That's all LOL.

[the-dream-beyond]

January 25th, 2023

Making Every Moment Intentional with Chris Stricklin

Nik: Everybody has a perfect fit somewhere. Too many people are in an inappropriate job in an inappropriate position and an inappropriate relationship that doesn't align with their why we have to have the courage to stand up and go, nope. This is my why in life. And I'm going to I'm going to adhere to.

See, you would think if I told you about US Air Force Thunderbird pilot, who experienced absolutely traumatic accident and an airshow in front of 1000s and 1000s of people, which is the worst nightmare for a pilot, you'd think that that would be the most interesting thing about a person and reality today. The person we're going to be talking to is so much more interesting than that, not for what happened to him, but for what instead came out of that the way he reacted to it the way he grew from it and reframed his life on the backside of this traumatic catastrophic event. So that's what we're going to be talking about today.

Welcome to the dream beyond. I'm your host, Nik Tarascio. I'm a CEO, musician and overall seeker of Truth, inspiration, and simply put, how to live the most fulfilling life possible. Growing up surrounded by extremely wealthy and successful people gave me unique and unfiltered perspectives of those who have seemingly made it through on the dream beyond, we're letting you in on what it really takes to achieve your dreams. What happens when it turns out your destination isn't the promised land you are expecting? How to process the lessons from your past while mapping a course to true fulfillment. Let's get started.

Nik: All right. Hey, everybody. coming to you today with Chris Strickland. He's a retired Air Force Colonel two time best selling author, company president and chief technology officer. More importantly, proud father and dedicated husband to his high school sweetheart, and man, oh, man, I saw this guy speak at a YPO. That's Young Presidents Organization. It's a business group. And part of I saw him speak a couple weeks back for me, and man, it just moved me it was probably the first time in a long time I saw someone speak. And I did not know what was coming next. I just had no idea. And when it hit me, it really affected me. And I'll tell you partly, the reason is that Chris lived one of my earliest dreams that I don't talk about much. And I always had this love for the F 16. I remember seeing that plane, something about the scoop under the nose. Just even the fact that it was just one engine, it felt a little more dangerous. I was like all the other guys, they need to we got one, we're gonna crush it. So there was something about that I just found so sexy. And he lived that dream, he really got to live that dream in a way and even lived the nightmare that I think all of us as pilots have to have to think about and hope never happened to us. So I was very much affected by his share what he's come out of that with, I think it's just a testament to the integrity and the quality of Chris and how he has turned challenging situations into a gift. And again, I'm just so grateful that Chris has come off timeout for us today. And I'm just really excited to dive in. I don't even want to preamble that much here, because I just want to hear more from you. And again, just really happy that that you're here with us today.

Chris: Nik, I appreciate it. Thanks for having me on your show here. And I will tell your listeners out there that I have already gotten a tremendous amount from our conversations we've had since we met at that event. And that's part of what I challenge other people to do is put yourself around people that challenge you in different ways, sometimes in uncomfortable ways. And you have I you and I have had some really open and honest conversations. And that's amazing. Because everybody you put around you you should grow from and you should challenge them to be better. And that's what I thank you for is in our short time being together. And I'm looking forward to the future of our conversations. You have challenged me in that way. And talked about my story from a viewers perspective, which allowed me to grow it from the presenters and livres perspective. So thank you very much.

Nik: It's amazing to hear again, I'm honored in whatever way I can be of service to your story growing and just your friendship again, I think at the end of the day, what is this really all about? It's about friendship and connection. So, what life's about in general, it really is. And that's I mean, that's the hope with this podcast as a chance for people to say, you know, I feel connected to some really extraordinary people and their stories and I find a little bit of myself in that story. And so that's really what this was all about. So I'd love to kick it off with kind of transitioning from my first dream which by the way, when I heard I had to shave my head to go to the military game over that's how weak I am. That's how weak my constitution is like, Oh, I gotta shave my head and I won't be able to how I think I had someone tell me I couldn't have a radio in my in my dorm for the first year or something like that. I couldn't listen to music and my I have no idea if that was true. But someone knew how to get me not to go cut your hair and you can't listen to music loud. It's like done. I'm not going to the Air Force.

Chris: So, I am to hear tell you that is the soft side of the sale of the Air Force Academy. That's the easy stuff. It's so much harder and it's worth every bit and that's what I tell people. If you if you think It's not worth it flying, the F 16 is fine and F 15 is going supersonic is going into low space is. And those are all small prices to pay. But it's no different than when you became a pilot, right? Pilot Training is hard wherever you do it military or civilian, you're learning new things, you're challenging yourself in new ways. And it, the prize has to be worth it, it has to be internally worth it. And it's about that intrinsic satisfaction. It really is. And we'll talk about this, I'm sure as we go through, as we set goals, if they're ever about title or money. Let's talk about one of those are unfulfilling, in my opinion, and why those are very shallow goals. And I'll talk about it from my perspective of somebody that did that in my wife. But the journey has got to be worth the prize at the end. And sometimes the prize at the end is finding another journey to go on. Because we never make, in my opinion, we never make it where we're going. We always have to be continually learning every single day and growing every single day. Because if you're not, you're going backwards.

Nik: Well now this feeling in my belly might be a little bit of regret for never getting to fly the F 16. So thank you, thank you for that great way to start it out.

Chris: Hey, we always agreed to have honest conversation.

Nik: No, I appreciate it. I'm gonna find a way. I'm gonna find a way even if it's just the best flight simulators I can find. But so yeah, it really kind of starting there. I am curious to understand how your dream unfolded, how that first dream for you was about getting into that airplane.

Chris: You know, you know, I'm passionate about telling the story. I love it. So I'm small town, Alabama boy, my dad was in construction, no military, my family. In my hometown, I went to my I went to my counselor and told her I wanted to go to the Air Force Academy. And if I remember, right, the response is what's that? We're gonna have to figure this out. So you have to go back even further than that. And I'm a little bit older than you. And I will tell you I was greatly influenced by Top Gun and you won't find any air force people that will admit that. Right, we have iron Eagle instead, which we won't talk about.

But Top Gun came out in 1986. I was 14 years old. And as soon as I saw it, I loved it. But that's not what motivated me to the path that I ultimately took and literally drove every ounce of my dedication. It was actually a magazine, it was Popular Mechanics, and one of the reporters had the opportunity to fly in and fit. And the title of his article was like begins at Mach two. And this came out right around the time of Top Gun. But I read this article, and it was not an article about how awesome it is. It was an article about how horrible it is about what it does to your body about how brutal it is on your body, of how he threw up of how he almost passed out of all the demands of fighter pilots body goes through. And I went, I want that. I want to do that. I think that's awesome. I want adrenaline, adrenaline junkie, like most pilots are. And so I took that magazine back in 1986. And I cut the title out. And I took a stick pan and I put it on my court board. And it was the last thing I saw every night before I close my eyes. And the first thing I saw every morning was Life begins at Mach two. And I truly dedicated every waking moment to that journey to becoming a fighter pilot, a combat pilot and instructor pilot. That is all I focused on. I was fortunate in that I had a high school sweetheart, that was awesome. And we were married just after I graduated from the Air Force Academy. We're about to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. But she was also very patient with me. Because I was so focused on that goal. That's all I did. I got up went to work early, I stayed late. If there was ever a flight, I took it to make sure I was ready to go.

So life begins at Mach two. And the first time I went supersonic, it was the first hurdle into that goal of okay, I'm getting there, right, I just hit the speed of sound. Now I got one more month ago. And so that's what I devoted and to translate this out now that I've retired from the Air Force and I work in business. I truly find that we're not special in the military. And we're we're not the only ones that move around like the military makes us do. Because in corporate America, a lot of people in big corporate America move as often as the military people do. There's different things changing as you progress through positions as you go. But my goal remained no matter what I did was like begins at Mach two. And then what sparked our conversation from that keynote is in the opening part of it. I talk about that goal and how important it was to me. And then I show a picture. Remember that picture? I'm flying the F 15. It's looking backwards. You see the crystal blue water of Key West Florida, you see little contrails coming up my wings to telling you I'm pulling really hard on that aircraft and putting a G load on that aircraft. And I took that picture over my shoulder. And I use it to say that was the moment I knew for the rest of my life. I would always remember because it was the moment I achieved my dreams. So, what I had worked for for so many years what I had dedicated every effort to, I finally achieved.

And then you remember the back to your I don't know what's coming. That's not a proud moment. That is not a bragging moment. It's actually one of my low points. It's one of my first traumas. Because when I woke up the next day, and I had been focused on this goal, I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't know what I was going to focus on, I didn't know what I was aiming for. Because the problem with that picture is it happened when I was 29 years old. And I achieved my life dream at 29. And so for the next three months, I was like a lost puppy, stumbling around the squadron still flying, but all of a sudden, I don't feel the satisfaction I used to get when I was on that journey to climb. It's autopilot. It's a plateau of my body knows how to do this. I just came back from my racking combat, I've been instructor pilot of the year. All those things I shot for, I found that were very shallow. Because it passed the day after I achieved them. It was The what now what next? What am I going to be when I grow up.

And for me, luckily, I have always surrounded myself with incredible mentors. And I had a mentor that pulled me into a room one day and said, What is going on? I haven't seen you like this and your whole career. And I opened up to him, and I said, You know what, I don't know what I want to be when I grew up, and I told him the story. And he goes, you just have to pick the next hurdle that gets you towards success as you define it. Don't define it lightly. Don't define it topical.

But know that each one of these individual successes continue on the journey of your life because it has to be bigger than just your professional life. And he inspired me to go try out for the Thunderbirds. And it was because of his mentorship that I went to be a Thunderbird for the United States Air Force. So that's kind of my journey to bring everybody into what Nick and I have talked about that that inspired our conversations was that I worked really hard for something, I got it. And all of a sudden, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

Nik: Do you think it was an is necessary for most people? And again, not not many people achieve their childhood dreams? I think that is a rare circumstance. And in the case that you did, does it feel like it's necessary to have that aimlessness that feeling of being lost on the other side of that so that you can find what the next one is? Or could you have mapped a course farther out in your life?

Chris: That's a great question. And I think it is incredibly necessary. And when you look at whether military are starting out in business life, or whatever you're doing, people always talk about work life balance, right? 5050, whatever you put to work life balance, I agree you need work life balance, but it's not a daily balance. You know what, today I came to work at 4:45am because I have a lot to do. And I'm trying to get caught up on work so that I can actually take a day off with my family tomorrow. Today, it's probably 80% work and 20% family. But guess what tomorrow is it's 100% family and no work. The work life balance has to be a longer term view. And I find that most of us in the first 10 years of our our life first 10 years of our professional life. We work way too much, especially for Type A people like us, we work very, very too hard.

We have to establish ourselves, establish our credibility, but you need to be deliberate after that. And make sure you get back to your family just as hard. So the reason I think it's a necessary goal is it allowed a small town Alabama boy to achieve what I never Well, I was confident it was possible. But now that I'm older and I know what the chances of going to the Air Force Academy are, I know that we only make 3515 pilots a year out of 1100 pilots chosen. It's just an insurmountable odds that it's just so unachievable, that why would you start, you can take that view in the beginning.

Luckily, ignorance is bliss. And it never crossed my mind that I wouldn't make it that I wouldn't get the Air Force Academy that I that I wouldn't fly at fifteens. So that's why I think it goes back to us talking about the academy when we joked at the start. I've been out of Academy quite a few years. And I am proud of what it did for me. I love the US military. I loved every day of my career. And to this day, I still hate every moment I was at the Air Force Academy. It was miserable. There were people yelling at me. I did not enjoy a single moment I was there. But I enjoyed everything it gave me the opportunity to do and I respect the Air Force Academy in that the reason I went is because I was an immature teenager that did not have discipline and I knew that I needed somebody else helped me get it and that's what they gave me.

Nik: So imagining someone else who comes out on the backside of their dream and has that bit of like a it's like a hangover on some level is the way I've experienced that when I come down off of a really amazing moment in my life. Coming into that space, when you imagine someone there what is the piece of advice you'd give to them? When they're in that moment of aimlessness, and again, I think I've heard the stories of astronauts that came back from the moon. And then, you know, they ended up becoming alcoholics, or they ended up going like what's left? What What can you and I'm curious for myself, I hope to someday achieve my dream of playing music in front of 18,000 people in an arena. What's the advice for someone like that on the next day?

Chris: My advice is to define your level of success differently, to define your perception of success completely differently, because when I first started consulting, when I was in the military, people would always say, Well, I'm different at home than I am at work. Bull, that is not true. In my opinion, you are the exact same person 24 hours a day. That means that you can't have personal goals and professional goals, you have to have life goals. So I'll tell you one of the things I did when I was consulting the company, I work for consultant with most of the Fortune 100 companies. And I had the amazing opportunity to sit in the C suite of a lot of these and have conversations and the way I started off those presentations, is I give out a little note card and it has some questions on it, I go, What do you want in life, and 80% of the people would write down success, just the word success. 20% would write something different, but then I would take that and go okay, for the 80% that wrote success. I want everybody to flip it over and write your measurement of success. What makes you successful? What does that mean to you? And I'll tell you, what I found was more than three quarters of those people could not write their definite their personal definition of success. What they would write is what society has taught them what popular readings have taught them what came out in Forbes magazine recently, they write other people's vision of success as a whole as a broad brush, but it's not specific to them. So my goal of flying the F 15. And going supersonic like begins at Mach two, was a very superficial goal. It didn't truly allow me intrinsic satisfaction of my entire life. Because as soon as I achieved it, I wanted more, there's more to life, what am I going to be when I grow up. And so that's what I always challenge people with is write your definition of success. Now, here's the key, I have a worksheet, I give out my presentations. And I say you have to write your definition of success. And I will tell you, I don't share mine, it's very personal. It should be no more than three to five words, three to five words, because words mean things. And it has to apply to every aspect of your life. Not I want to be a fighter pilot in the military, it has to apply when I'm in church on Sunday, when I'm home with my family, when I'm raising my four kids, it has to apply to every waking moment. Because it needs to align with both the success, which is a an effect, and the why?

Because you and I have talked about this, what is your why in life, you have to be able to answer that. And when I wake up in the morning, if I do something during the day, I asked myself, does this align with my why? And if it does, I hard charging? If it doesn't, I have to ask myself, why am I doing it? Why am I devoting my time to it? Because I have to look at the expense of everything I do in my life and expenses, not just the checkbook expenses, your effort, your passion, your time, and we only have so much time in this life. So if it don't align with my wine, everybody has a perfect fit somewhere. Too many people are in an inappropriate job in an inappropriate position and an inappropriate relationship that doesn't align with their wine. We have to have the courage to stand up and go nope, this is my wine life. And I'm going to I'm going to adhere to.

Nik: That's big advice. That's big advice. And I think it's I think it's hard sometimes to know if it's the right way, and you spoke about the fact that you don't really share it. Do you share that with your wife? Do you share that with other people in your life you do share some of the why and some of the life purpose and mission with?

Chris: I do I share it with two people? Because as you know, you've gotten to know me over recent months, I'm very deliberate in everything I do. And I share it with my wife. Because we share everything right? I've been with her since since we were 15 years old. And we're not now for those of you audible listening only I'm a little bit older than that. And I share it with a mentor, my closest mentor, because I need somebody to hold me accountable. I need somebody to challenge me on it. I can't just talk about it with myself. So I have one person and I will tell you I've shared it for the first time with my mentor two months ago, wow. Two months ago, and the reason I shared it with him is it's peer mentorship. I don't find somebody that that is better than me and only going to mentor down I find peer mentors where we connect on a phone call. We're going to challenge each other we're gonna be sounding boards for each other.

And he knows I've always used that I don't share my wine with anybody. I don't share my success with anybody. And the reason I shared it with them is I challenged him that same thing I just gave you three to five words every aspect of your Life. And he called me I was driving down the road one day, and he calls me and he goes, Hey, I want to share it with you. And I want you to poke holes in it. I want you to throw spears at, I want you to help me know why it's not exactly right. Because that's what you'll find. It'll be a paragraph, it'll be a sentence. And you slowly have to challenge every word in it. And he had given me five words. And I immediately challenged it. And I said, Okay, how does this apply with your spouse? How does this apply with your you know, when you're at church, and I shot the questions to him, and he explained how it applied to him. And he goes, okay, there is no way I can make this better. And I sent my challenge to us to cut one word off, and he's like, I can't, it's just debilitating. I can. And I said, Okay, I said, What if I say it this way, and I removed one of the extra words he added, and read it back to him. And he goes, that's why we talk, because we challenge each other. So there's my answer is two people know it. And it's because I have to be held accountable for somebody other than just myself.

Nik: Fantastic. Well, offline, I would love to share with you my mind is six words. And as you were talking, I was half listening, and then half going, like, what's the word I would pull out? I could see it on your face. Yeah, I was just like, Man, I don't know. I think I know the word. I think I know the word. But I would love to share that with you. offline. And yeah, that's a it's a beautiful invitation. It's so you know, I forgot who said it. But he said, If I had more time, I would have written less.

Chris: And and I don't know if I've shared this with you, but survivors obligation. It took us less than six months to write this book for me and my co author. So my co author survived stage four cancer, we share a survivor's obligation. So a short version of that is when you go through trauma, a lot of people that survive have a have a remorse, survivor's remorse, survivor's guilt, and nothing against the people that do but the two of us didn't, we felt an obligation to make it mean something to make every moment mean something to be more intentional with our lives. And it took us six months to write this book, it took us two years to cut it from 400 pages, to the low hundreds, because I'm a fighter pilot, I have a short attention span, anything more than about 120 pages, I lose interest no matter how good it is. So that goes with your theory. I'm sorry, I didn't have time to read your short one. Because it killed us to wait two years. And it killed us to cut some of the sections out. But it made it a good palatable, quick, impactful read, I hope.

Nik: Yeah, I think I share that sentiment with the podcast where in reality, I know, we could talk for hours and hours and go, you know, to our Joe Rogan format. But I'm like, how do we do it in 30 minutes for high achievers that are like I don't have the time nor attention span. So very much. I understand that I appreciate the fact that you guys were able to pare it down. Really, I'll say this too. I mean, this is not puffery, beautiful book. So succinct, and lots of nuggets in there that I just very much connected to. And it that's where a lot of my questions came out of today.

Chris: Well, thank you, I appreciate that. And one other thing I would like to throw out, you know, this, but all of the books, I write all of the books, I partner with other people on the only agreement, and I will tell you, we kicked off our new book last night with a new set of authors. And the first thing I say is, Nobody's allowed to make a penny off the books, there's no profit. Because we're people who serve were people who give. And that allows you to talk about the book without trying to think it's selfish because Joel and I don't care if we sell any more books don't tell my publisher, I said that.

But the reality is, we're only trying to make a difference in people's lives. And it's much more liberating. When you can all profits go to charity, the charity is chosen by the the authors that are contributors and influencers in the books, just like your podcast here. We hopefully you don't mind me sharing this ahead of time. But we start with why are we doing this podcast, which goes back to the power of wine. And the beauty of our connection is we're not trying to sell anything. We're not trying to drive them anywhere. We're just trying to open a conversation that makes you and I better and hopefully inspires other people to have follow on conversations just like you reached out after my keynote. This is what we're building is a is a group of people who peer mentor each other, connect with each other and are comfortable enough. Our new books are called the mentorship mastermind. And we have very clear rules when you come into it. You're it's very private, it's very close hold its military classified, and whatever said in there doesn't go outside the group. Because that's the trust you need. Is that what you and I talked about offline, I will never share it anywhere else. And I trust you the same way.

Nik: I appreciate that. And yeah, it is interesting to talk about this idea of creating content telling stories, sharing these things outwardly in one I do think it's very admirable the way that you're handling the book sales and making pure pure art. To me that's art, right? If it's something that's created just to make something, think Jamie Weil says more true, beautiful or good. I like those words, right? It's just, it's about like, I don't have an agenda. I'm not trying to make you do anything for my own benefit. I really love that. And that's, again, I think, why we connected so well. I'm stepping into this space of, you know, I run a private jet company, and I've been on stage and played a bunch of songs and, you know, spoke other people's words through cover songs when I've played them. What I'm curious about is on the other side of your traumatic experiences, what was there any fear of telling your stories of like, Is this really the thing that anyone wants to hear from? Am I actually helping? Or does it? Is it self serving? When people look at me funny, will I be judged for it? I'm curious to hear your process and that of kind of turning to that place of I'm in service by telling my story, I feel confident and clear that I'm in service,

Chris: That, you see me smile a little bit, because that's a hard one for me to talk about. And I will tell you, the way I related is for those that don't know, I ejected during the Thunderbird Air Show, half second for impact, I'm two and a half inches shorter, I landed in the fireball, there's a million different. That's not possible for me to be standing here. And that's a conversation for another day. But for for almost 15 years, my wife and I didn't talk about. We didn't talk about it at all. Remember, I married my high school sweetheart, we share everything we grew up together, we know everything about each other. And she received a call. And she heard that I was that.

So both of us went to drama with this situation. So the easiest way to deal with it, which I put my disclaimer on do not do this for anybody is we just didn't talk about it. Until it mounted up to the point that what I say is I put all that trauma in a closet. And one day the closet door opened and I couldn't control it coming out. And it was not a pretty sight. It was not I had a rough year dealing with it.

So then, the short version of this story is a friend of mine who's happens to be in the medical field that I went to the Air Force Academy with after it happened, he was in my wedding, he always wanted me to share my story. And I said, you know, easy out, I won't talk about it when I'm active duty Air Force, I'll talk about it when I retire. Because as a young fighter pilot that is so far away, it will never happen in my mind. And when he found out I was retiring, he called me and said, Hey, remember you said you talked about it when you retire. I'm a part of this organization. And we want you to come in and be a speaker. It was actually YPO Young Presidents Organization that you just talked about. And he said, I'm going to I'm going to give you a contract, a legally binding contract, and you're going to sign it and I'm going to sign it. And your wife is going to be included on it to be in the audience.

And I flew out he was at San Antonio, I flew out and met him and his wife, who also went to the Air Force Academy with us. And we talked about the details of this. And I said I had never the first time I ever shared my story was sitting at a hamburger joint in in San Antonio and the three of us were just squalling like babies, it was not a pretty sight of a fighter pilot. Because it was the emotion coming out. So I went home, I told my wife, this is what I'm going to do. And like a good supportive wife. She said, You're crazy. And I wrote the book. And I mean, I wrote the book, I'm I'm a morning person. So I wrote the entire book four to 6am. And it went to the point that the night before publication, it was a Sunday, the night before publication, we killed it. We call the publisher, we call the editor we called our publishing house and said, I think we want to pull it I think we don't want to publish it.

And for anybody that's ever been in that venue, there's a lot of money, time and effort that go into a launch. And it was the most it was more emotional to write and publish the book than it was to survive an objection. Because in the words of my wife, you are about to publish internationally, and go on stage to tell a story that for so many years we didn't even talk about in our house. So basically you're kicking up in the front and back door and inviting everybody in. And so it, it was Trump it. We go through trauma every day. People think of trauma as major things and just like you heard me in my presentation, if you walked away from that presentation thinking it was about being a fighter pilot or ejected from an aircraft. You didn't listen to what I was saying, because that's just what gets you to listen to me. That's just what picture attention so that we can open a conversation.

But publishing the book, The I will tell you the first six months of speaking engagements, I did not allow people to pre buy the book, because I said I couldn't sit in the audience and see this book. I couldn't sit on stage and see this book sitting in the audience and keep it together. Because it still had so much emotion and you saw that in the presentation. I go a different direction with every presentation. Because as I tell my story more and more, I can dive a little bit deeper into the trauma of what me and my family went through of how we're dealing with it. So I had a presentation last week, and during the q&a section, somebody said, Well tell me how you dealt with this. And I said, I'm gonna have to redirect your question, because you said in the past tense, and I'm not dealing with it in the past tense, you deal with trauma every single day, with every waking moment, you deal with a different aspect of it. And the last thing I'll finish with, and you hear this a lot from the post traumatic stress communities, triggers. When we use it with a negative connotation.

You know what my wife knows what my triggers are, and she's helped steer me away from them. She helps protect me from them. But think about it's coming up on the holiday season. And last night, we started making a holiday dinner, and my wife went, it smells like my house when I was a kid. Well, you know what, that's a trigger. It's just a positive trigger. So you have to be aware of both good and bad triggers that take you down these things on the journey. They're surviving trauma of any magnitude.

Nik: So going into the trauma conversation, one of the pieces I really anchored in the book was listening to the or reading the paragraphs about how your wife started to respond to you sharing this stuff, and are having to take time to keep listening and watching you speak about it until she could finally be there with your presentation. And I've, I've heard in my life, people say some things are better left unsaid. And I'm curious after having had to subject yourself through this process of what I now know is healing on the other side of it, but at the time, it may not feel like healing and may feel like poking a wound. What advice would you give to people that do sometimes say just stuff that down, hold it in there, it's better left unsaid because it's not caring to to open that back up.

Chris: So I'll pull on a string that I talked about a little bit earlier. Because fighter pilots pilots in general are incredibly good at compartmentalizing what's going on. Because you want your pilot to be able to put everything else in their life out of that cockpit when they're dealing with something airborne. We're very good at compartmentalizing, it makes us good at what we do. The problem is when we get out of the cockpit, I can still prioritize and compartmentalize in the rest of my life. And that's what my answer was, why we're not dealing with it is I'm just going to lock it away.

But the problem is, the trauma kept growing like a snowball rolling down the hill. And eventually, eventually the door open when I wasn't ready to deal with it. When I was in public. When I had no, I didn't have any armor to deal with it. Because my armor had always been not talking about it. I hadn't built up my strengths of who I relied on who I hugged on who I talked to. And so I'm a firm believer that not talking about it is not the way to deal with it. And one of the hardest things for me was when I like you said, when I said you have to watch the videos, you have to listen to communications, you have to read the book, and I'll tell you, she said I want to be taken out the book. I don't want to be in the book at all, I don't want to talk about it. And I said, our lives are so intertwined that I have no life without you. I can't tell my story without you being in it. Because you are my story. Right.

And it was hard for us because it took us four months before she could even make it through a one minute video. Because every time we started it, we lost. But I will tell you, I have the greatest marriage in the world. I truly believe that. But when we started talking about this, it made it even better. Because it was the only thing that I thought we didn't share with each other that that I thought we were hiding from each other. In the first time I ever talked to her about it. It was it was traumatic for me, because I brought it up to her and her answer was I know, I thought we just didn't talk about it. And for me, that's just amazing when you have somebody you can share everything with. And I mean, I will tell you, I have a service dog. I have a PTSD dog that is with me most of the time. But now not only does my dog help me see my triggers. My wife can openly help me see me go, hey, you need to go talk to your dog, cleverly named sky by the way. I'm not that creative.

Nik: And I had a dog named jet at one point. So I totally get

Chris: It has to take a secure fighter pilot to stand on stage and say I have problems. It also has to take a secure adult to walk in in one of my jobs. I work in a construction company. And when I walk into the construction company with a with a big black female poodle, hey, that really lays it out there of okay, somebody's going to ask why I have a poodle. But it's just it's been life changing for me to be able to share with you to share on stage to share with my wife to grow from it because everybody has trauma.

Everybody has trauma in their life. And not everybody grow is from trauma. So if I could share real quick, what I see is as I start talking about this, first of all, when I get my keynote have one of these, I always have one to two people, if not more reach out and say, I've never told anybody this but and they share with me some life trauma that they've never told anybody about. And that tells me it's worth what I'm doing. Because that's the reason I talk about this. It has nothing to do with me. I'm retired Air Force, I could go sit fishing on the boat go walking on the beach. And, but I don't, because I share my story that is painful for me, because it allows others to share their story that they may not have dealt with. And when you have trauma, you ask yourself three things. Why did it happen? Why did it happen? Now? Why did it happen to me? And if you think about every trauma in your life, you've probably asked yourself some version of those three questions.

But becoming on the other side better than you were before is about embracing it, how you act react in it, the decisions you make in decisions you make in decision is a decision, decide not to deal with it is a decision on how to deal with it. And like, you know, from my story, my problem, what and the why did it happen? Why did it happen? Now? Why did it happen to me? For me, I added a fourth one, and Joel did two of why did I survive? Why was I left here? What am I meant to do? And am I ready for it? Am I on the right path of life? And that's when I develop my why and my success? And and I continually ask myself what I'm going to be when I grew up?

Nik: Do you have a sense of, you know, again, the podcast is called the dream beyond for this reason, once you've achieved the first dream, what is that dream beyond for you? Do you have a sense of that? And is it your why in some way?

Chris: It is exactly my why. Because once you achieve that dream, that is just one stepping stone, it's not the journey to the finish line, that's a stepping stone for you to get to your bigger thing in life, whatever it is. And either you can be deliberate about controlling your life as much as you can and pushing it that direction. Or you can let life react around you and unfold.

You know one of the examples I use in my keynote, and if I could, I'll share it here is I tell everybody that here's the exercise when you wake up tomorrow, I mean give you $86,400. And here's the rules. You have 24 hours to spend at the end of 24 hours you give anything left back to me and the only thing you carry into the next day are the memories and experiences generated from $86,400.

And usually at that point, I have to pause for a minute on the stage because I can see on the faces of everybody in the audience. They're already buying them a boat buying an airplane, right? They're planning out what they're going to do. Okay, very deliberate with every penny. Imagine that. But live the fact that each day has 86,400 seconds. Why are we not just as intentional with every second as we work those pennies. Because there are no do overs there are no redos. There are no carry overs. At the end of the day, you have what you made it. And it's your book to write each and every day.

Nik: So is that the life for you really making making every moment count

Chris: Every moment live intentionally you'll see me hashtag that on everything I post live intentionally. And making a difference. I mean, I hope that you and I had this conversation, it's already made a difference in me. Because you, you took me down a little bit different path of things I don't normally share on a podcast. I hope I've challenged you to think about some things differently. I will tell you my big success from what I've learned today is you came up with your six words that define your why and life. I take that as a big win that I may have influenced that since the first time we talked and I challenge you to do that.

We're also going to hold that thing down to three to five words in the near future since you're willing to buy. But that is the making the difference. Right? Yeah, no matter how much I go out and speak, it impacts the life of one person. It's worth everything I do. Everything I do same thing with you with this podcast. If you're impacted one person out there, one of my favorite authors and speakers and influencers, Jim Hunter, he wrote about servant leadership. And one of the stories he tells I've been with him since 2012. He's a huge mentor in my life, a great human being.

And one of the stories he tells is that you die twice in this life, twice one time when you leave your body, which everybody thinks is the trauma of dying. And the second time is the influence on the earth the last time anybody speaks your name. And before he presented that to me, I had never thought of it that way. If you just hit it, it's heavy. I think about that sometimes, and it's heavy in a negative way.

I'm like, Oh my gosh. Apparently I'm not worried about what I always talk about when you take your last breath. You heard me say that on stage. The real challenge of life every night when you close your eyes. Ask yourself if this was my last day on this earth would I live it the same way or would I live it differently? If you would live it the same way. Do it again tomorrow. If you would live it different differently, fix it tomorrow. Because if you ask yourself that Every night, unfortunately one time, you're gonna be right. But then Jim gave me his version. I'm like, crap, I gotta change everything. Now it goes back into the influence of extending beyond you in this body of you die for the final time, the last time anybody utters your name or your influence?

Nik: Yeah, I mean, I hearing that hearing that what? It's a little bit of freedom, it's a lot of humility to hear that statement, because I think so many of us and it's so prevalent, YPO legacy legacy legacy legacy, what happens when the legacy ends on some level, like what happens when no one even knows you're ever here? That's a big thought. And again, it is a little bit liberating, because like, as you're saying that what I'm thinking is, why do I care so much what people think about this for me, or anything I do? At the end of the day? It's really not that it doesn't matter that much.

Chris: Doesn't matter. It don't matter how many dollars you have in your checking account. Yeah, right. It's about legacy. My wife during COVID, she took a class, she took a class at Yale on the on the definition of happiness. And my wife don't want to take classes, she, you know, she was doing it, because 2020 was a challenging time for all of us.

And the one takeaway She reminds me of all the time is that life is not about dollars, or salary. That money allows you opportunity to generate memories. And that's what it's about. It's about the memories that evolved into the legacy. And, you know, as a parent, I told you, I have four kids, I have a very specific mission with my children, as a dad and my wife, as a mom, and I'll share that with you. Our definition of success with our kids is to give them a higher launching platform than we had. And I don't mean that as a negative against our parents. But that's our stated goal. We talk about them the whole time.

Because once we launch them out of the house, we may still influence them, but but your life is your own. It's not your parents. So as a parent, we just want to give you a higher launching platform than we had. And everything in my life, I am intentional about what is the goal? If you ever sit in the meeting with me, the first thing I'll start off with is why are we here today? And what are we trying to get out of this time together? You have to be intentional in everything. Otherwise, life gets in the way and somebody else writes your book for you?

Nik: Well, I gotta tell you, I often want to land airplanes and get out and go to my destination where you know where I was hoping to be. But in this case, I wish we could stay in flight for the whole time and not have to land this one. It's, again, you're just an endless resource of wisdom and grace in the way you talk about things that I think we're very hard and humility, be in that you could walk around like King Kong and say, you know, I've done more than most, but I really appreciate that you lift others up. And that is your driving force. So thank you for all that you do. And you know, there's a lot, there's a lot to think about it today. For me.

Chris: I appreciate that Nik and I it's been inspirational for me. And for anybody that listens out there, I would encourage you to connect with me on LinkedIn, I run my LinkedIn account, there's not a there's not a machine behind that account. And like you just said, that's the biggest success that I will take away from this is making an impact.

This story is not about me, it's not about you. It's about the people we're influencing. And so reach out and connect with both of us to keep this conversation going. Because that's what we are in the flight of our life. Right. And we have to have these conversations to challenge us to make us better to encourage us to inspire us. Because that's how we're better tomorrow than we are today.

Nik: Yeah, I think my biggest takeaways from this man, I heard a lot of there was a lot of things that I want to touch on real quick just to really anchor and make sure I had it right was I heard this idea of beyond that first dream, which is often for people about external success, and looking and appearing a certain way in the world or whatever that may be for each individual. It's about really having a life goal. It's about having a life goal that it will be with you no matter what you achieve something that can never actually be fully completed. Right? T

here is no moment of achievement. It's about striving towards that thing forever. And I really want to think more about that and get those words honed, and I'm grateful that you'll help me do so at some point because that's it's a big task. The other thing I really heard here was really speaking to that question of that some things are better left unsaid and I think you spoke to it in a beautiful way of it's gonna come out somehow. And it may come out at a time that is even worse than the time if you had at least intentionally dealt with the reality of that situation. And I think that that's a that's a really powerful lesson.

And I think the other big takeaway for me, is, you know, really around that idea of i It's it seems silly to say it this way, but almost not taking oneself so seriously. That idea Have like we're gonna be forgotten at some point, we're gonna die twice. I think that's a really powerful concept if you're going to die twice anyway. So what are you holding on to Exactly? What's the thing that you think is going to happen? If you don't, you know, be a little bit more humble have the humility of like, it's a short ride, it's the 86,400 seconds a day, that is such a powerful concept. And I've been very guilty of being, at times very irresponsible with that. So I really appreciate those. Those are kind of the three big things I really hope everyone takes from that.

And speaking to what Chris said earlier, my hope is that for each person who listen that you think about something that maybe you've been holding on to what's the thing you haven't said, haven't shared that you're in the darkness alone with it? And, you know, again, I've I've been going through this process myself of like, what are those deep traumas or secrets that I've held that have forced me to feel alone, even moving through a crowd, even being around other people, I can feel very alone at a table full of other people if I'm not being authentic. So Chris, thank you for inspiring that. And, you know, Chris, you shared before as a call to action. That really, this is, most importantly, about one little nugget for each person, whatever that is, whatever you heard here, that inspired action in some way. And in fact, Chris, I'll invite you to say it the way you said it, because it was just so beautifully stated, as you know, what do you hope for all the listeners?

Chris: So thanks, first, Thanks, Nik, for all of our conversations, but I've had a blast with this one today. And as we get to that call of action, I would like to share one more thing from my wife. When I talked about the night before publication, we almost pulled the plug. And her words to me was what guides me in all of this. Because I was worried people are always going to pick your story apart, people are only going to throw spears at your story. Right? Nothing, nothing is not subject to public opinion out there. And I was worried about my story being treated like fact of, well, nope, this is court of law, this don't work. And what she shared with me that made us go forward with publication is this is not how the world is. The stories we talked about are not the facts, as the entire world sees them. This is my perception of drama. This is how it impacted my family. Your story is your perception of life. And that's the reason I taught with very deliberate words.

I never say what you told me was always say what I heard was, and she said, No matter whatever happens, it's your story and your perception. And nobody can say you're wrong about your perception. And that's what allowed us to push forward. And as we did talk about call to action before we before we started this here today, and I go back to this isn't about me, and it's not about Nick, today is not about us, it's about each of you. And our call to action for you is to find what parts of this either inspire you to do more to do something differently. Or let us know how you think we're wrong, detect that conversation in a different way. But we want each person live in today that listens to this to improve some aspect of their life to relook some aspect of their life. And it goes back to the goal of be better tomorrow than you are today. And if we achieve that call to action, already feel personal satisfaction out of their time together. And I hope that all of you guys grow from this as well.

Nik: Awesome. I couldn't say it better. So I just want to thank you for your friendship, more than anything and thank you for sharing today. And yeah, happy, happy holiday season as we as we come into this over the next couple of weeks. Thanks. Thank you for listening to the dream beyond. I hope that you received whatever message or inspiration you were meant to get from today's episode. I had a great time recording it for you. If you love the show, please take 30 seconds to subscribe rate and review. It really helps get the word out. And if you want to connect with me, you can find me at:

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