#they survived. theyre living. and they want to keep living.
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Tell me about corals magic man
oh man this ask keeps sitting here and I keep starting to write stuff out, forgetting it, then never finishing. So since I am still processing tons of coral pics from a recent field work excursion about coral (and have a day off to just CHILL at home before regular work again) this is as good a time as any.
CORAL. IT'S IMPORTANT I GUESS BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? PLANT?? ANIMAL??? OVERAMBITIOUS ROCK???
Yes. kind of. Technically just an animal is correct. Corals are animals, but they are fucking weird animals. Weird in the way that only marine invertebrates can get. I love them because they're freaks. Let me show you.
Corals are a cnidarian, which puts them in the same category as anemones and jellyfish, and when you look at an individual coral polyp you can instantly see the relationship. They are colonial animals with massive structures formed out of polyps that are all clones of each other, and all building a support structure to form the whole, called the colony. An especially cute metaphor I've heard is that each coral polyp has it's own little nook like a room in the massive home they all work to build. A layer of tissue connects polyps to each other over the colony, allowing them to share nutrients and such over the entire structure like little marine communists.
These polyps can range widely in size, and they can either be distinctly separate or all fused together, only distinguished by separate mouths. Numbers can also range from millions to a couple species that will have one or polyp mouths max. Polyps can extend out or retract into their little nook, called the calyx, and extend more when the coral is capturing prey from the water.
Lookit those cute little polyps, these guys make their own cubby for themselves!
Don't worry about what I just said about capturing prey and feeding, look at those cute little guys. Some of them are out and some are retracted, showing the little bump where they live.
Fused polyps like on brain corals don't extend exactly, but feeder tentacles will come out from that delineation between the ridge and oral groove. It's actually called an oral groove! Those tentacles are full of the same stinging cells jellyfish and anemones have! One biologist referred to brain corals as a wall of mouths! Ive seen them using those tentacles to slowly drag struggling little shrimps and larval fish towards a slowly opening mouth amongst that wall of mouths! It's like living in a place where at night, the walls open mouths and drag you into them with unthinking stinging strings! Sometimes they just spit out digestive strings to digest stuff outside of their body, like other coral that got too close and needs to check itself! Isn't that great!
A lot of people are surprised to hear "mouths" and "feeding" with corals and yup, corals are animals and therefore they eat! Each polyp has a mouth and tentacles and will extend them to capture prey, mostly zooplankton but also some plant material. Because they're fucking weird though, many species also gain energy via photosynthesis with the help of a symbiotic dinoflagellate called the zooxanthellae or symbiodinium. It's this algae like symbiont that actually gives coral most of their colors. These colors can range from psychadelic to just brown, with regular old browns and greens and yellows being the most common colors (especially in the Caribbean).
A bleached coral is still alive, but due to stress has lost their zooxanthellae. They can survive and recover, but in this state they are highly stressed, prone to disease, and can starve slowly without the symbionts helping with their nutritional needs. They appear white or faded because the loss of their symbionts reveals the white calcium skeleton beneath the tissue.
Bleached portion of coral beside unbleached.
A dead coral is one that has lost all of it's tissue, and every individual polyp has died, leaving nothing but the skeleton which can no longer grow without the living polyps. Bleached coral is very, very vulnerable to becoming a dead coral.
Unusually high heat is the most common trigger for a bleaching event. And this is where, in my education talks I sometimes do, I pause with a strained grimace of a smile as we all contemplate ocean temperatures hiking up every summer.
SO WHY ARE THESE WEIRDASS ROCK ANIMALS IMPORTANT BESIDES BEING COOL TO LOOK AT?
Coral structure can be colloquially described as stony or soft. Stony corals are what I work with more, and these guys are the ones that build a hard, calcium based structure as their support building, and these powerhouses are the ones that build the coral reef. Soft corals are what it says on the tin, they may have a sort of support structure that varies amongst families, but it's flexible (you'll see them waving very beautifully and gracefully in the currents) and they (for the most part) do not build the reef. If they do add to reef building it, it's with a very slow process of depositing fine layers.
(Soft corals of course have their role in the overall reef health, but reefs are bonkers complicated ecosystems and I'm trying to keep on track here.)
When you're looking at the reef, you are looking on centuries, if not millennia, of stony corals building on top of each other. Sometimes this building has been going on for so long that islands are made of fossilized reefs from millions of years ago, with corals that still resemble modern species in the rock. (This is the case of BonAire and blew my goddamn mind seeing the fossil reef it's so fuckin cool.)
Sometimes just a single colony will keep building on itself into massive structures. Polyp clones adding on and on to their predecessors, giving the colony overall a lifespan in centuries. It's thought that some huge colonies may be thousands of years old, because the fastest growing stony corals have a growth rate that may equal centimeters per year.
It's those reef structures of calcium carbonate building up and up that provide the homes to so many other creatures that coral reefs are some of the most biologically diverse, and biologically dense ecosystems out there, like rainforests of the ocean. Even marine life that doesn't live directly in the reefs have a connection to them, using them as feeding grounds, breeding areas, a place to hide while young and vulnerable, ect.
They even protect coastlines, acting as a literal barrier that reduces wave damage from storms or just wave action in general. The reef takes the brunt of the physical damage, colonies get knocked around, but the still living polyps keep on building and rebuilding so the reef can go on and not get smashed into rubble every year.
That is, if there are still stony corals alive to do the rebuilding. :))))))
So you have these weird animals who build stone structures like cathedrals, have algae in their tissue, live as massive ancient colonies of clones that can eat, photosynthesize, and also reproduce both asexually and sexually. They're able to branch out and do all of that because they are adapted to insanely stable environments. Temperatures don't fluctuate by more than a couple degrees seasonally, tides are consistent, storm seasons are consistent, the water is consistently clear due to lack of algae, which allows sunlight to penetrate and feed the symbionts that feed the coral. Mineral levels in the water are stable so they can take the calcium and carbonate from the sea water to build their skeletons. Without having to be able to adjust to changes in the environment they just went hog fucking wild on all the ways an animal can be an animal.
And here I once again pause with a strained grimace smile as we all take in how they need to be alive to keep building those reefs that support the ocean and the coasts, and how not stable their environment is becoming with new pollutants clouding waters, storms becoming more unpredictable, and waters having bigger temperature swings with hot summer spikes. :)))))))))))
#long post#marine biology#coral reefs#informative#corals are freaks and i love them#i barely touched how theyre freaks i wanted to keep this to a simple 101 guide on what they are and why theyre important#and why they are. not doing too great.#in the grand scheme of the world i believe coral reefs as an ecosystem type will survive#a few species are super hardy#some are more adaptable#in millions of years the ones that made it will eventually find new suitable places to rebuild on the rubble of ruins#but also i would prefer NOT HAVING A CATASTROPHIC EXTINCTION EVENT FOR THEM TO RECOVER FROM OVER A FEW MILLION YEARS THANKS#I WOULD PREFER THAT SORT OF RUIN NOT MAKING LIVES HARDER FOR EVERYONE
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NOBODY MOVE I'M HAVING POSITIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT MORDRED AND ATLAS.
#they finally talk. mordred tells his big brother that 'once upon a time i was supposed to stop breathing before i hit my teens.'#he tells him everything about knowing when his death day passed about the nightmares and the confusion and the agoraphobia#he tells him about his insecurities and his self-hatred -- how terribly must he have fucked up to not even be worthy of dying?#he tells him he's scared and he doesn't know what he's supposed to do with all this....life.#and atlas is THERE and he hugs him and he's so fucking relieved that - whatever his brother was meant for - he survived.#he hugs his little brother and tells him its okay to be scared because no one really knows what theyre doing with their lives#he holds his face between his hands and god when did mordred get so big?#''all you have to do is KEEP living okay? that's what you do with life: you live it.''#its not exactly poetry but it IS what mordred needs to hear#ive been thinking A Lot about mordred making an appearance in the searching but idk for sure yet#i just need to figure out WHEN this conversation happens so i can wrap up mordreds arc the way he deserves#i think im gonna try patching his and atlas's relationship across the second and third book#like atlas is HOME and then he's not and mordred is bitter but then- a letter. atlas has written to him.#and he keeps writing. bc he knows now what it is to lose someone and he doesnt want to lose his brother#so they're pen pals!! and it's stiff and formal and awkward and slow going but eventually they're exchanging gossip and venting and.#aaaa#happy lavore content wow look at me go#lavore brothers#mordred lavore#atlas lavore
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ppl who neglect their cats and leave them outside will be like "we literally domesticated cats they used to be WILD and UNTAMED and so they should live outside!!!!!!" .....................what do you think domestication is all about like did you forget that before you finished the sentence or
#its like the number one thing i see is like#ohh you cant keep a cat inside because theyre wild and they get bored and they hate it#and its like#im sorry you had a really bored and understimulated and therefore asshole cat as a child#but that doesnt mean all cats are killing themselves over being kept inside#cats through domestication have BECOME indoor animals. who fully rely on humans#yes cats CAN survive outside but not without being an invasive species in most places and shortening their lifespan by 10+ years#they literally need humans to live#if you dont want to have a cat in your house then. do not. get a cat#?#like if youre listing the reasons you keep your cat outside and those include things like#claws. litterbox. meowing. blah blah blah#you are just describing vital aspects to cat ownership. dont get a fucking dog and then throw it out cuz it has fur do you ?#sorry it just makes me so genuinely mad how normalized cat neglect is and the people doing it insist YOU are the bad one for#actually taking care of the animal you got#simon says
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me at 13: by the time im 30 i will probably be married and maybe have a kid but for sure i will be living in my dream city and have my dream job. and also a lot of money
me at almost 30: i think i will treat myself to a corn dog this weekend
#i want a corn dog so bad rn#ngl u guys im actually really struggling with turning 30 at the end of the year lmao#not lmao bc it really is bothering me which is so stupid i know I Know#but. and i know we're All struggling with this. but it's like god i have done nothing with my life#like fr. everyone says that but i literally have done nothing. ive never had a real 9-5 ive been freelancing since college#and tbh i guess that's not a bad thing? but self worth wise i feel like a complete loser.#but ive just made one mistake after another and i know that's what your 20s are for and u know what this is my tags and im not going#to keep contradicting myself i feel like shit bc i feel like shit and ive wasted my whole life thats that#i just feel like such a sham like i cant believe this is what 30 is like i on god feel like im still a teenager#not in a carefree kind of way OBVIOUSLY. which i never was anyway. but i just ?? feel like that#scary fucking episode of rugrats where tommy and chuckie become their dads and they go to work and theyre so fucked up bc#well theyre babies and they dont know anything. and even the fact that i just referenced rugrats to explain how i feel lmaooooo#relationship wise well u guys know how that is. and i truly couldnt care less about what people think about me not being in a relationship#ever and tbqh i dont give a fuck anymore either like. and here i go bringing this up again. but after my ex im like ok life truly is so#short fr i dont even care like anyway. anyway. the point is there is just no reality whatsoever where i pictured my life where i am now#once again living with the abusive relative i moved across the ocean to get away from.#no love life to speak of. fr dont care but god wouldnt it be nice to be loved fr.....#no career. living in a state i hate with all my heart. barely surviving money wise. which is everyone rn but#if i had known 10 years ago this would be my life i would have honestly killed myself.#like if i knew it would all turn out like this i wouldnt have moved i wouldve just fr killed myself and i wish i did lol#to be fair. i didnt see myself living past 18 but like. i just thought something would have saved me by now
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ive been trying for 30 mins to write a post about why the Web's plan is still confusing, but I think I should face the truth and admit to myself that it's not that it makes no sense, it's just... so convoluted
#they needed jon to kill jonah cause it seems like only he could call him down#and they couldnt go through with the original plan because.... tbh still not sure on that one. at least not with the reasoning annabelle#gives. assuming that how everything works out now is how they intended it to#which it must be because if jon was ever ever going to consider 'letting anyone else feel that guilt' he sure as hell wasn't now that he#got introduced to the plan while a giant spider dangled his boyfriend above a pit. not conducive to jon cooperation#so originally spidermartin would have driven him to burn the archives and kill jonah. but theyre bond is too strong now so even if martin#would be spiders Jon wouldnt do the plan. .... huh#i just dont get that leap#why does their bond being stronger make jon less willing to burn it all down. so to say#would he want to keep his promise to martin and not become the pupil? but he did! he does! he does even when martin ISNT spiders! aaah#one thing that could make everything more elegant is if Annabelle wasnt telling the whole truth. she says they need to kill 'the pupil'#jon has been described as 'the pupil' as early as s2. and why would the Fears follow his voice on the tapes#and not just stick with his voice in jon the person?#solution; not only does the pupil have to die and the archives burn down at the same time#but jon has to be the pupil when it happens#... except that ALSO doesnt work because according to Jon Annabelle wasnt lying when she said that this would allow them both to 'survive'!#so unless we read the transcript in very bad faith and assume that she was talking about the hypothetical scenario of íf the fears leave;#then youll live; (but for them to leave youll have to die) this solution is out as well#but it would mean theyd need martin unspidered because hed be the only person able to kill jon when hes the pupil because 'it feels right'#(throwback to 178)#tma#tma meta#joos yaps#delete later#a mag a day#tma s5#one nearly incoherent ramble later.....#if anyone has a good Watsonian solution to tie everything up neatly plz link me to a post
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i forgot to SHARE THE MIZUKI RELIGIOUS AU REF
they have two knives underneath the gown, they summon demons and generally cause problems for both heaven and hell. they think it's fun and they're also bitter towards any higher power, they're just an oblivious ass honestly (wow! thats out of character... sorta..)
they summon demon oso and basically just fuck around and cause horrible disasters with him. i imagine oso is actually still related to kara, ichi, and totty in this as they're alive and still apart of a church. Jyushi is still an angel, hellbent on fixing all the demon bs and has to kill Mizuki.
Zuki is basically a horror movie geek and based everything off they do and wear off movies or scary internet stuff, they got lucky when they found the book that can summon demons and basically do it as a hobby. They rarely use other people's blood for summoning, they use their own which is why they're hands are always bandaged. they have killed people before but from their own words "its excessive and super messy, and most people aren't willing to part with their blood, y'know."
i also had the idea that Akita is a demon, a powerful one that satan (i thought maybe totoko for satan but it's more cause i think she's capable of ruling over hell, idk if that fits sorry) sends over to also kill Mizuki. She at some point may start working together with Jyushi to finish the job but i haven't thought that far ahead yet >w>'
anyway summary: Mizuki is a stupid little cultist who isn't 100% sure what they're doing but is doing it successfully anyway, and is just a massive nuisance
#oc#ososan oc#my art#I CAN FINALLY PUT IT OUT I LITERALLY FORGOT IT WAS TECHNICALLY DONE#IF I CHANGE ANYTHING ILL JUST EDIT THIS#ANYWAY YAYY MIZUKI BEING A FUCKING ASS#theyre not even really intentionally being evil#they really just dont care#“you only live once”#“one life to summon all of hell to the living world”#but like god and satan dont want them so they keep miraclesly surviving#yay to annoying mizuki :D
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the daredevil rewatch is all fun and games until it gets to the mattfoggy divorce era </3
#its just. matt who tries so hard to keep foggy+karen out of all this mess vs foggy who cares So Much about matt#and is so hurt to find out that everything he's ever been told is a lie and everything he thought matt was is a lie#and he finds all of this out by running into matt LITERALLY bleeding out on his living room floor.#and theyre both so scared and foggy realizes that matt is not who he always said he was and he's constantly on the front lines#getting beat to hell and almost killed and surviving things that most normal human beings never could#and he lies to foggy+karen so easily all the time and foggy just doesn't want to lose him!!! but he's angry!!!!#but he cares about him so much!!!! but he lied!!!! im just. man. MAN.#winter rewatches daredevil#fuuuck my entire life like for real.#frankie if u see this i have but a few words to offer: identity reveals go crazy. you know.
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srry my pg playlist is making it impossible not to think about mikerophone so. literally all i can picture rn is ghost!pg sitting on mike's desk, chatting away with him on the phone during shifts & when mike comes in on off hours. your long distance boyfriend who's right next to u 🥺
#the themes of only finding happiness after you die etc etc etc#m.ike not having to go through the horrors Alone#pg doing everything possible to make sure he survives and it works.#not wanting to say goodnight but it's literally past 6 in the morning & he has another shift that night#m.ike falling asleep at the desk & pg just ~~playing f.naf~~ managing the door controls for him to keep him safe instead of waking him#i honestly imagine it would be REALLY easy for pg to handle the others if he can sense when theyre coming or smthin#m.ike bringing little gifts & finding them moved around the next day#the back room becomes kind of a nice cozy living space w them#making the best out of the worst etc#im . soft. about. them#//#(as always i default to s.chmidt not being a.fton#but this isnt NOT about a.fton for interactions where ages work out!)#;ooc
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wanna make my own kny httyd au
#httyd movies are good but. theyre kid plots yk?#not a bad thing but i wanna use the wolrdbuilding more. like cmon its fucking DRAGONS man#so far giyuu & tsutako live in a little seaside village that regularly gets raided by dragons mostly stealing their livestock (and anyone#caught in surprise undefended) one night hes out doing errands he forgot to do during the day (doesnt want to dissapoint tsutako)#and gets caught out in a raid. hes running for cover and comes across a juvenile dragon. hes scared shitless and frozen as it creeps closer#and closer until he can feel its hot breath sniffing at him. curious purple eyes stare into his own. a loud fireball explodes near them#and the dragon nudges him away from the carnage. tsutako sees a dragon near him and flips her shit. ready to die trying to keep#her baby brother alive. he screams at her to stop- shoving the dragon away as she screams for him to get away from it#dragon flees and tsutako drags him home stressed out her gourd but thankful hes alive.#later on hes out walking in the woods to get away from it all (the other kids dont like him very much) and comes across the dragon again#he ends up making friends with it and names it sabito ('rust' for his orange-red coloration & 'rabbit' for the little hops he does)#comes across all the little dragon quirks as he hangs out- meanwhile back in the village they need more warriors to fight off the dragons#giyuu gets forced into training for it despite his (& tsutako's) protests. time comes to training against actual dragons and he miraculousl#survives using his knowledge of quirks hes learned from sabito- it astonishes /everyone/ bc hes a wimpy little fuck#yadda yadda he accidentally becomes top student just trying to avoid actually hurting the dragons and gets assigned to kill the Big Bad One#they release the beast and it crawls around the top chain netting for a bit before it notices giyuu. it drops to the floor and slowly#advances towards him. giyuu intentionally drops his weapon & shield and steps towards it with big wet scared eyes. everyone's shocked and#tsutakos screaming for them to call it off. the dragon stops posturing and sniffs at him- lets him gently pet its nose. he quietly pleads#with it to go back into its cell as guards are hurrying to get into the arena with them. the dragon looks around at them & at the sky befor#looking back at giyuu's sad eyes promising theyll both be safer if it goes back in. it hesitantly does so and giyuu locks the doors back as#the guards get to him and drag him to the village leader's hall to get the scolding of his life#he tries to reason with them that the dragons arent bad but they hit back with 'so what are we supposed to do boy. starve as we let the#dragons take all of our food? grow up. /we cant live in harmony with them.'/#hes fucked up over it & everyone starts treating him as even more of an outcast than before.#one night while tsutako's doing dishes 'tako-nee?' quietly called out. 'what giyuu?' she doesnt even turn to glance at him.#she /always/ stops to give her full attention when he calls for her like that. his heart sinks to the floor. 'goodnight' barely keeping#the crack of his voice away. 'goodnight giyuu'#she awakes the next morning to no response. an empty house. she finds a red shirt of hers missing & a note#giyuu's neat writing shakey & slowly delving into a messy scrawl as it furthers along. one- two odd dried spots on the letters turned to#countless (/27/) blotches in the ink before it fully dried. 'im sorry' left pristine atop the worst of it at the very bottom.
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#l o l decided to go w my parents tuesday bc theyre going to see sibling#and apparently my dad approached mum and said he didnt want me to go w them bc they live w me and want one on one time w sibling#and then forced mum to tell me#so now i get to manage my own hurts and my parents fucking great#triggered my goldenchild/scapegoat trauma so now i get to fight through that and the hurt of 'we dont want you around' and the hurt of my#parents never spending deliberate time with me like they do and always have with my sister(which is the golden child thing i guess)#and also them neglecting my disabilities with the 'you can visit sibling another day just the two of you' shit#at least i told mum she's going to annoy me if she keeps apologising#shes not apologising bc she means it shes apologising bc she feels guilty and wants me to keep reassuring her#christ i'm tired#i wish i could move out#christ i wish i could afford to move to another state#ngl really didnt need this atm already dealing with RSD from a friend living in survival mode not being able to hang out and being more#isolated than usual#and my dads queerphobia getting worse and worse#if i didnt think sibling would also off themself if i did id be so fucking done
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and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do
#im not smart or talented or hot enough to have a source of income working from home.#i dont have a ged or a kicense or a way to get to work or much experience + ive got a steadily fucking growing gap in my employment history.#And i have essentially 0 social skills i barely Function half the time im dissociated or just crying. im weak and out of shape and#not pretty im like. unhireable i think . and again even if a place did hire me I dont have a way to fucking get 2 work#i might be able to walk 2 a place if i had been at work for a while bc if be more used to being on my feet and active again. its take a#while and id be in a Lot of pain but like. itd be doable. and once i worked for s bit i could get lyfts even tho Expensive also idk that#there as many drivers here. and wtvr. but if i did that itd be Less money to help my family and less money to save up toget my own place and#atp maybe its selfish of me to want my own place and i need to judt be more grateful im allowed 2 stay here . yk#idk. im so tired i just need like. idk. ik the only way is to just get through it and get a job and make it work but it feels so pointless#everything always does. i cant keep getting over hurdles man im so fucking tired of getting through hurdles#every single day is Difficult and every single day is the Same and any time j manage to have a good day ill just go right back to feeling#exactly the same. and even if it looks like everythings better for a bit it all goes back down eventually and ik im supposed to be like But#itll get better again after that <3 ups and downs are a part of life <3 we have to have the bad to appreciate the good <3 im just fucking#sick of the goddamn bad im fucking sick of it ive had enough bad i want good. ik other ppl deserve it more i want everybody to have good#days and be safe and happy i don't want things to keep getting worse but everything just gets worse and all the good parts r tempirary and#im so tired. I am not your strongest soldier bro !!!#idk. i just want to be atable i dont need anything crazy i just want my family to live comfortably and to have enough money that i can#donate i rly donot need much i dont need that much food 2 survive i dont need a ton of space i dont need a nide house i like. i just want to#be Stable and know that everything will be ok. yk. at least 4 my family i want them all to be able to eat and the bills 2 be paid and#hopefully for lamp and the kids 2 go to college. bc lamp and tag both want to go to college and itsy is 6 so he soesnt care#but i want them to be able to so bad bc i can't and i ws never gonna be able to and i dont get to be whiny abt that but like. they want to#and theyre smart and passionate and like. i want them to be able to achieve their dreams and get to have normal lives and be fulfilled and#happy. yk. idk. annie showed me her schoolwork the other day and since it wa first week at like. an alt school it ws a lot of personality#type stuff and mental health stuff and im not gonna get into it bc its not mine to tell but. their answers for one of the things made me so#upset bc it sounded so much like me when i was their age and even now and it makes me feel so guilty that like. i didnt make it better for#them. im the one whos supposed to endure it and then theyre supposed to get to be happy but im too fuckinf weak nowadays and i can't keep#any of them safe or happy and i feel so insanely useless. i hate it i just want to be useful idc anymore like. i want to be good i want to#be helpful i want to be cared abt and its so selfish bc a part of me is like. Ohh wahhh we shouldnr have to do all that to be cared abt wahh#and its dumb bc Yes i do its my job. it just fucking sucks rn bc like i have all the like. sorrow over this being what i have to do and this#is my lot in life but i also have all the guilt over how im not doing it bc km lazy and selfish and i cant just work bc im . Ugh
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#personal#i dont really know how to talk about this but i am scared. for myself. not for my system but for me and also for my sys#im primary protector. i am the oldest being in this body by time (not by age). i was one of the first created at the bodys 9month old Thing#ive always had a background almost co-con role. not fully cocon but i contribute to a lot of the blur because im always close enough to#the front to be able to step in as quickly as possible if needed. and to give instructions and warnings to whoevers in front and needing it#the last maybe 2 months? 3? ive taken up a more active hosting role in a cycle with 3 others#im really worried that its been happening so much that its impacting my duties as primary protector. im scared the brain has been#keeping things from me or shutting of knowledge i did have access to to help me adjust to concept of hosting#i cant see the inner as clearly as i could. i know my girlfriends in there somewhere but reaching out only has like a 12% chance of#getting through when ive spent the last 14 years almost living on top of her as she was the old host.#it feels rough and scary. like i know shes in there i think our gatekeep would tell me if she became dormant even if i was full host so i#i have to belive shes alright in there but i do miss her so bad. i want to know shes okay. i want to hold her#im mostly worried about losing more access to information i used to have and diminishing my use in my protector role as a result#i dont want to be a host. i need to feel like i can talk to my guys and gals and pals with the clarity and communication weve spent the last#4 years building. i feel there are more capable than me to replace me and allow me to step back and resume background-host/protector stuff#they are untrained and unfamiliar with our life but theyre not trauma holders. what do they call those? normal parts? dont like that languag#but they dont have the trauma related issues that some olthers/old hosts do and can be trained in the running of the life#we dont work we dont really leave the house due to agoraphobia so we have the time and space to train a new host#idk what to do#idk where this went i guess this is venting you can ignore it#but i guess the solution is to talk to the one cohost i can still talk with and see if they can do some hiring for me#get them to head in and see if the brain will cooperate to bring someone else out to take my host spot soon#or make one but thats not ideal id prefer to avoid that if we can. but i can feel myself reaching my limits for this#somethings gotta give soon either way#system#although we already have 3 other hosts in roster and several alters created specifically for that hanging out inside too so maybe#maybe things wont crumble if i just decide to step back on my own. if i can. harder to step back when i cant access inner but maybe if i can#then we will survive with the 3
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once again thinking about my post-trimax legato somehow miraculously survives despite everything au and vashgato agenda aka The Worlds Most Miserable Roadtrip
#one of these days ill get back to it#its the fucking. anger and hatred and loathing from legato @ vash#because legato and vashs entire dynamic is fucking#legato has lain down on the tracks. and he doesnt want to be saved. he needs vash to be the train that runs him over.#and then he lives. somehow. he missed his chance to die.#he had no reason to live. his one reason to carry on was for a cause he fully intended to die for and then he couldnt even do that#mirrored by vash. who also went into that confrontation with knives fully intending to not make it out#and now the world is saved! knives failed and now hes gone. and thats a whole fucking thing to unpack for everyone#the fucking anger. the grief. the whole fuckin mess of contradictory emotions that happens as a result of abuse from a family member w vash#fucking Everything wrt legato. the devastation of knowing knives is gone + he failed + legato lived + *vash* lived#the slowwwwwww realization over a long long period of time that legato worshipped the ground knives walked on#but knives only ever regarded legato with like. the same way someone might an ant. a bug. maybe a dog.#legato who only ever wanted to be Seen by knives#and knives who never particularly cared for legato beyond his usefulness#legato who begins following vash because its probably what knives would want + there is truly nothing else on this planet for him.#he has no other reason to live#and vash allowing him out of some sense of pity / resignation + being able to see that theres Nothing left for legato#+ probo some sense of obligation too. of heres another person his brother fucked up. which means hes vash’s responsibility to fix#all the while legato resents vash for living when knives isnt here. resents him for failing to kill him.#resents him for being the only other thing that knives actually cared about + who rejected knives when all legato ever wanted#was knives’ attention#and vash who frankly resents legato too. resents the fact that. of all the people who managed to survive. it was legato and not ww#resents all the shit that legato put him through. all the people he killed all the suffering he inflicted#the two of them looking at each other and the fucking. recognition of the self thru the other#and seeing all the shit they hate about themselves in the other#theres also again the shared grief of them both losing someone incredibly important to them both but who was also responsible for some#abuse to Both of them. unpacking it. working through it. moving forward.#learning How to move forward as a Whole when theyre both two deeply traumatized deeply suicidal fucks who no longer have the singular goals#thatve been their sole reason for existing for the past. many. years. and having to find new reasons to keep living#but most of all. i think they should make out sloppy in the desert thank you goodnight
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Dcxdp
Just thinking of like a demon twins au where danny finds out damian is no longer under their grandfathers rule and goes to visit him in ghost form.
And damian is grieving all over again. Because thats his little brother, dead at his hands. Never able to grow up and live a full life. Just this weird mirror version of it. And now that damians embraced his fathers way of preserving life it feels even more of a waste and he mourns the experiences they could've had together. It felt like less of a blow when he was still in the league and surviving wasnt much of a life. Danyal was most likely happier at rest then there, but now? Now damian wishes they had more time.
Danny not realizing hes forgotten to tell his brother hes actually still alive. keeps saying that damian should come with him. See his home, meet his friends, Etc. Damian thinking danyal wants to drag him to the afterlife. Considers it even, because he owes him that much. Scared by his own thoughts and telling bruce or dick about it. And theyre both grief stricken and furious. Just this whole misunderstanding snowballing. Another son but one whos been lost before they could ever meet. One theyd never been able to know. Who never got the chance to be a child before his time was cut short. And everyone wanting to find a way to lay danny to rest without him stealing damian away too. Bruce desperate to meet this imprint of a son he never met but terrified of it taking away the son he still has.
Lol thinking of like 100 ways this could go.
Bruce calling in constantine. Danny feeling betrayed that they called someone to banish him? He thought damian would be happy to see him? Would accept him. Thought he could meet his father as well.
Or
Damian making him a grave and showing him that he can "rest" now like hed never been properly laid to rest with the league. Danny thinking its either a) a funny joke or b) finally realizes whats going on.
Or
damian offering to go with him as long as hes able to come back? He still wants to live his life and there are others in dcu who can go between realms (sorta i guess?) Danny being like yeah? No duh we'll come back xD damian being like??? When he sees amity lol.
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faith dashboard simulator
💙 maidenlover Follow
its actually so faithphobic that so called "friends of rhaena" have appropriated maiden devotion... it sexualises a very personal relationship with a real facet of the seven that many of us have ACTUALLY DEVOTED OUR LIVES TO
⚢ rhaelissatruther
girl you forgot to private your likes you're one of us
💎 mothermaidenhoe
🕯️traedwyfe Follow
🎶 red orange yellow green blue indigo purples in the sky
summer's in the air and baby, seven heavens' in your eyes 🎶
#the rainbow faith #rainbow not rhaena #laena of dell rae AKA the lady bard #dollaette #coqaette #faithofthesevenedit #please i'm a star #septa urge #lady manipulator #light acaedaemia
⚔️ knightofthefaith
FUCK they're sending me to be the septon of the night's watch... girl you know what they do to sexy slender wide eyed septons like myself!!!
#PRAYING theyre sexy murderers not uggo ones... manifesting
⭐️ brideofhugor Follow
No. You know what? F*** Y'ALL.
As many of you know I have recently been assigned to a certain castle in the stormlands and have been aiding the maester in reorganising the large library.
I just found several illuminated manuscript of an er*tic nature detailing s*xual acts of septas and septons. Including one of Hugor (blessed he be) Himself.
I don't expect much of you SINNERS (we all know of the recent poll circulating...) but sexualising those who devote themselves to loving only the gods... and crucially making the choice to remain celibate in this mission... the audacity. Enjoy the Seven Hells!
🫦 swordinyourstar
im gonna go to a septry fuck all those bald brothers so hard the hair in their tonsures grow back cos my seed is THAT strong
#why are they called holy brothers if im not supposed to fuck their holes
🔘 old-friends-senior-seven-septry-deactivated-101AC
I just want to get dicked down again =/
🌠 faith-struggle-posts
official faith struggle post
🌟 starrysepta
i do finally feel at home finally out of my noviciate and as a full septa of the faith but they do NAWT tell you how catty your sisters will be... they sent me to a motherhouse in the WESTERLANDS just outside of lannisport 💀 if another one of these fake bitches tries currying favour with house lannister im gonna get myself sent to the silent sisters.
🌟 starrysepta
beheading myself omg another suspiciously blonde-haired green-eyed hill surname haver has joined the noviciate please mother above get me reassigned to the vale id rather risk getting stolen by a mountain clansmen over having to deal with this whore
#girl he's not gonna legitimise you #and she's having an affair with the laybrother too but like whatever im not a lickspittle
🪽 rivermaiden
the mother of my motherhouse 100% got dicked by our local lord back in the day maybe now too and its ruining my life. she keeps speaking in metaphors about the warrior entering the maiden and its making everyone soooo uncomfortable. AND he's the lord of a certain castle in the riverlands stars with h ends in arrenhal and i swear he's bringing the fucking demons into our sept everytime he visits
#cryyyyingggg i survived the riverlands for one-and-twenty years only to die of blood curse cos knights love chasing septa pusswah omg cant have shit in the riverlands
🌈 septa-septon-suggestions Follow
forever hoping that the light of the seven will one day shine over all westeros ✨
🍁 hearttreehugger Follow
don't go near any weirwoods bitch im watching you 👁️
#had this in my drafts for ages adding fake posts at like 1am when inspiration would strike. letting her free now#asoiaf#dashboard simulator#yinnie artgallery#had to navigate picsart to make that banner it was evil#faith of the seven
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Hey! I absolutely love the cute merrical bbs!! Do you have any headcannons for them?
yes omg so many!!! here're some
the kids are like 1-2 years apart and Cece was born around RotJ so ya know that might've been Merrical's way of celebrating the fall of the empire LOL
the entirety of Koboh would literally do anything for these children. anything.
Greez was initially insistent the kids would have to call him Uncle Greez, not Grandpa (he didn't want to sound old) -- that is until they were born and any cares of being old immediately flew out the window THOSE CAN BE HIS GRANDBABIES
Cece is more like her mum (guarded and quiet at first), Lua is more like her dad (gives everyone her full government name upon meeting them)
BD has been banned from babysitting
sometimes merrical have to just take a Moment bc after everything they've been through they just. have kids!! there's peace!! they're not just surviving, they're living!! there's a future!!
they're both trained as nightsister-jedi, which is another way of saying theyre incredibly annoying to keep under control for anyone that isnt their parents
Lua has a fixation w getting to use Cal's lightsaber (which gives me a great reason to post the one unposted merricalkid art i have) but Cal won't let her bc despite being a former child soldier & child scrapper, he has learnt some child safety since <3
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