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undercoverbastard · 2 years

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Two Sides of the Same Coin (What a Bullshit Saying)

“Wait!” Stiles cried, dodging in front of the three men, coming to a halt in front of Derek and throwing his hands out. “He’s a friend! He won’t do anything, he’s-”

“It’s them, Stiles,” Derek growled. And Stiles paused, because who was what? And then it clicked. Them. The hunters. The ones in the woods. The ones with the weird scent.

“No, no, they’re not hunters, Derek. These are my brothers! Oh and, my brother’s… Cas. But they’re not hunters!” Stiles whipped around, trying to wave away the confusion. And of course, that’s when the situation had to get even stickier because-

“Oh we’re hunters alright, wolfy,” Dean replied. At this, Stiles whipped around. Dean was still holding his gun, steady and dead set, and Sam now also had a gun and good fucking god where were these things coming from, seriously?!

Stiles dropped his arms, eyes darting between Derek and Sam and Dean, trying to piece out what was going on because none of the puzzle pieces were fitting. None of them were the right shape. Or color. Hell, they weren’t even puzzle pieces at this point.

Archive of Our Own Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42393705

Two sides of the same coin. It’s a funny saying when you think about it. It implies that two concepts can have the same premise and roots and yet look entirely different depending on the side or perspective you take. It’s prophetic in a way. But it’s also extreme bullshit.

This concept - the two sides of the same coin nonsense - is exactly where Stiles finds himself. Sure, he may not yet know it, but the moment his cousins (more like brothers, but whatever) stepped foot on his porch, the moment his dad decided to move to ‘start a new chapter’, the moment his aunt died and he by token gained two older pseudo-brothers, the moment he was fucking born. That’s when this all started.

And the sad part is he has no one to blame. Not his brothers, not his pack, not his mom, or his aunt, or even himself. Because honestly, who fucking saw this coming?

+.+.+

“Yo, Scotty!”

Stiles jogged to catch up with his friend, grabbing the other boy’s shoulder before he could ride off on his bike. Scott turned, raising an eyebrow in question at the other, “What’s up?”

“Meeting tonight. Loft. 7 o’clock. Big news or whatever. Derek wanted me to tell you since he didn’t get a response. Oh! And to also make sure you bring Allison,” Stiles explained, patting Scott on the shoulder a couple of times before pulling back. “I’m taking Erica and Boyd back to my place and to the loft later. You can drop by if you want to ride with us.”

Scott shook his head as he mounted the bike, pulling on his helmet as he replied. “I’m good. I’ll head over there on the bike. Thanks though, dude, I’ll catch you at the meeting.”

With that, the two boys parted ways. Scott, the lover-boy he was, was off to Allison’s house. Stiles, on the other hand, was wrestling to get into his car, two werewolves playfully pushing and shoving him as he attempted to pull open his door. Goddamn puppies, Stiles silently grumbled to himself as he finally slid into his car.

Later that night, as the mismatched, ragtag mix of teens stumbled into Derek’s loft, it was a mess of overlapping chatter and people laying themselves across one another. At the start of this, before the pack became pack, no one thought they’d get to this point. But now that they were here, it was impossible to stop the constant jokes and easy conversations, the lingering touches and the constant need to be near each other. It was comfortable.

“Quiet,” Derek barked out, his usual expression dull of any emotion besides annoyance with a splash of suspicion and a heft side of brooding (the man was nothing if not consistent). Nonetheless, the rest of the pack listened, settling into their spots and giving their alpha the attention he demanded. This was, after all, a supposedly ‘super important meeting’.

“I called you all here to discuss some recent developments,” Derek began. “There seems to be hunters in Beacon Hills, but they seem… different.”

“Different how?” Scott questioned, leaning forward. He was both anxious and curious, his lips giving a gentle pout as his eyebrows scrunched together. The expression was an odd combination.

“There’s only three. And I’ve been unable to properly track them no matter how close I’ve gotten. They’ve been here three days and I’ve only run into them twice, but there’s something off with them. Allison,” Derek redirected his attention, eyes boring into the girl curled against Scott, “you know anything about this? Heard anything about other hunters coming into the area?”

Allison scrunched up her nose, tipping her head side to side a bit as she pondered. “No. We haven’t heard anything. And any legitimate hunters know this is Argent territory for hunting. We haven’t had anyone asking questions or trying to follow leads in a long time,” she settled on. Her expression changed to a frown, confusion evident at her own admission. “Are you sure they’re hunters?”

Derek nodded. “It’s their scent. I can smell it on them but they still smell… odd. I can’t place part of it.”

With this revelation, the group became a bit more frenzied. Erica was asking what exactly the smell was, Isaac was curious as to how he knew it was odd if he couldn’t tell what it was, Scott was concerned about how they could prepare for a possible attack, Jackson was muttering about wasting their time with a lack of actual information - it was a clusterfuck. And all Derek could offer was a few grunts and shrugs, repeated phrases of ‘I don’t know’ to most (all) the follow-up questions.

“Okay, wait, wait,” Stiles cut in, leaning forward in his seat. His voice was loud enough to cut through the others, making them quiet down and focus on him. “So, we know there’s probably essentially hunters in town, they aren’t normal hunters, we can’t track them, and we don’t know what they want. So… what’s our plan here?”

This was, unsurprisingly, met with silence.

Derek eventually grunted, muttering out yet another ‘I don’t know’. Fortunately, Lydia took this time to interject, offering up a bit of direction. “If we don’t know what they want and are unsure of who exactly they are, then isn’t it in our best interests to just take precautions? Why make the first move if there’s no promise of an actual threat,” she shared, eyes meeting with Stiles.

“Yea, no, that makes sense. Don’t jump until you know where you’re landing and don’t count chickens before they hatch, all that,” he mumbled, nodding. “So, for now, buddy system! No puppy left alone! We stick together and hopefully, we can get a better read on these guys before making any further decisions.” At this point, Stiles turned towards Derek, lifting an eyebrow as to confirm this was an okay plan. All he got - and all he needed - was a nod.

“Okay! Awesome! Starting from here on out, no one does anything alone. Personal space and alone time are now foreign concepts!”

This proceeded to drag out a couple of groans from individuals but, in all honesty, it’s not like much would change. Erica and Boyd already appeared as conjoined twins - check them off. Scott and Allison spent every waking moment together and, when not, they respectively had Isaac - who lived with Scott - and Allison’s dad as backup. Lydia and Jackson were well on their way to have already moved in together so they were set to go. And Cora and Kira were tight-knit. For all the in-betweens, there were already guaranteed backups. When Cora and Kira weren’t together, chances are Cora and Isaac were together and Kira was with Allison. If Isaac wasn’t with Cora or Scott, he was third-wheeling it with Erica and Boyd.

The ‘’never alone” concept was already too familiar to the pack. And as such, they dutifully paired off upon leaving Derek’s loft. Erica and Boyd went to Erica’s house, Jackson and Lydia went to his house, Cora decided to stay the night with Kira, Scott and Isaac were dropping off Allison before going home, and that just left Stiles and Derek. Who… constantly seemed to find themselves in this exact scenario.

“Guess Cora forgot you’d need a buddy too,” Stiles snorted after everyone had cleared out.

“I don’t need a buddy, Stiles.”

“Everyone needs a buddy, Derek!”

“Not me.”

“Okay. Well, what about me then?”

At this, Derek paused. It was as if he was just now realizing that, with everyone else already paired off and having gone their separate ways, Stiles and Derek were both only left with one choice: each other.

With a roll of his eyes, Derek sighed. “Fine. I guess I’ll be your buddy for tonight,” he grumbled. At this, Stiles beamed and nudged the older man gently with his elbow, pushing in closer to his side. “This is gonna be fun!”

It was, indeed, not going to be fun.

+.+.+

Since Stiles couldn’t remember what shift his dad was on for the night, he told Derek to just creeper-style it ( “It’s not like you don’t already ninja your way through my bedroom window every night anyways!” he huffed at Derek’s pointed glare - which, yea, that’s true ). However, this make-shift Buddy System Plan of theirs seemed to be slightly derailed as soon as Stiles got home.

The original plan was that Stiles would drive home and Derek would meet him there later on after doing a quick scout of the woods to see if he could catch a trail on the mysterious hunters (which, by the way, totally negates the whole ‘no going it alone’ thing they were going so - but Stiles didn’t want to risk his throat being ripped out by mentioning that, so close enough!). Now though, Stiles was pulling up to his house and saw two figures on his porch. Neither of which made a move toward him once he cut his engine.

Stiles sat still for a second, hand already reaching for his bat as he fumbled around for his phone with the other. In the few seconds this took, the figures finally moved and he could see-

“Dean?! Sam?!”

Stiles was launching himself out of the Jeep, scrambling towards the two older men like a baby gazelle who was barely learning to walk (see: clumsily and ungracefully). The two men grinned at him and pulled him into a tight hug, sandwiching the younger man between them tightly.

“Dude! What’re you guys doing here? Not that I’m upset but, like, no calls or texts - just… here!” Stiles babbled a bit, bouncing a bit in place as glanced between the two happily. At this, Dean smirked and Sam’s smile just grew bigger.

“What? We can’t pop in for a visit to see our baby brother? Are you too cool for us now or something?” Dean teased, giving a slight shove to Stiles’ shoulder. At this, the boy rolled his eyes. Yea right, like that was a possibility.

“We were passing through, figured we’d swing by. It’s been a while,” Sam easily explained, his hand coming up to grip Stiles’ shoulder and give it a small squeeze.

And yea, he was right, it had been a while - AKA, fucking forever. Stiles remembered when the three of them were stuck like glue. After Dean and Sam’s mom died, their dad went off the deep end a bit. It was at that point, their aunt - Stiles’ mom - all but adopted the two. Her and Stiles’ dad took Sam and Dean in, looking after them when their own dad went off on ‘trips’. Sometimes they’d go with him, but those first few years they largely lived with their aunt and uncle. Then, Stiles was born. And the older two boys latched onto him, claiming him as their own.

From that point, their childhoods were tangled up together and lived side by side. Stiles’ mom took them all shopping for school, made them have family dinners together, and would sit and do homework with each of them. His dad took them all to school, took them camping in the summer, and bought them sympathy pizza whenever one of them had a bad day. And sure, Dean and Sam sometimes left for a couple or so weeks at a time, picked up by their dad to go who knows where and do who knows what, but they always came back. Always.

It wasn’t until Stiles was 10 that all changed. After his own mother died, his dad couldn’t stay in their old home. The walls and empty spaces were filled with too many memories and too much heartache for him. So, he packed up and moved to Beacon Hills.

At this point, Noah Stilinski had lost too much and had too much on his plate and he finally snapped when it came to his wife’s brother-in-law. He told the boys’ dad that he would take them. He’d take Dean and Sam and they could live with him and Stiles. Their father was welcome to visit, hell, he could even move with them! But the offer was declined. Stiles’ dad even offered to formally adopt the two, ensuring John Winchester that no issues would arise legally or financially that way. Still, no dice.

From that point forward, Stiles saw the two older boys who had become his brothers sparingly during breaks and summer, occasionally in passing during the school year if they happened to be passing through during (yet another) move. As Dean and Sam got older, the visits became less and less. Now, it had been almost over a year since the trio had seen each other in person.

They still talked regularly, for sure. Stiles occasionally texted Sam questions about homework, Dean called him almost every week just for a check-in, Stiles’ dad still sent birthday and holiday cards to both boys, and they were still overall close! But they hadn’t really been that close since they were younger.

But they had now. And now was better than nothing, Stiles presumed.

“Yea, it really has been a while, Sammy,” Stiles agreed, a soft and slightly sad smile on his face. “Come on, let’s get inside. We need to catch- oh holy shit who the hell are you!”

As Stiles moved to guide the other two inside, he was met with a third man lingering on his porch, slightly shrouded in shadows. Stiles felt on edge, moving to back up and stumbled into the others.

“Oh! That’s Cas. He’s my, uh… my Cas,” Dean offered, giving a crooked grin. Stiles’ eyebrows shot up as he looked at the eldest man. “Your… Cas?”

Sam snorted, shaking his head as he pushed the other two forward and back toward the house. Once Stiles was in front of the door, Cas offered a stiff nod of acknowledgment, “Hello, it’s nice to meet you, Stiles.”

Stiles gave a bit of an uneasy grin and a nod at the man, pushing open the door as he unlocked it. Cas was a bit… odd, but then again, Stiles dealt with Derek on the daily so he really couldn’t complain about anyone else’s social ineptitudes after dealing with that clusterfuck.

After the initial shock of their arrival and the near heart attack from Cas, the four easily slipped into a comfortable conversation. Cas mostly stayed quiet and nodded at points he was mentioned, but the other three were chattering non-stop.

In the midst of Stiles discussing senior year and how he was this close to being free from the torment of BHHS (fucking Harris ), Cas suddenly stood up, eyes moving to look up the staircase.

“Someone’s here,” he murmured, eyes never leaving their place on the stairs. Stiles halted, eyes widening ever so slightly as he remembered the fucking Buddy System Plan. He fucking forgot about Derek (well, not like forgot forgot, because honestly, who could forget all of that - but he momentarily forgot the plan, the plan of sticking together).

“Uh, you sure? I didn’t hear anything. Maybe it was the tree banging outside my window. I leave it open all the time so the sound carries a bit more. It was probably nothing,” Stiles prattled nervously, shooting up and taking a step towards the stairs.

Dean shot a hand out, gripping his wrist. He met eyes with Cas and they had some sort of acknowledgment or conversation silently between them (Derek-level shit, honestly) before Dean was turning back toward Stiles. “No, bro, there’s something up there. I heard it too.”

Which, okay, that was a McFucking lie! Stiles knew for a fact there was nothing to have been heard. Derek is like a ballerina, all tippy-toed and ninja stealth silence, never making a single sound as he comes in the window. And Stiles himself didn’t hear shit and, with a pack of wolves and constantly being on the run from Creature of the Week, he’d say his sense have become quite sharp these past couple of years.

“Okay, okay. I’ll go check it out, maybe a stray squirrel hopped in my window on the hunt for a snack,” Stiles said, sarcasm leaking out as he tried to cover up his nerves. He needed to get up there and get Derek out. He didn’t have the time nor the energy to try and explain what the older man was doing in his room, how he knew Stiles, or how to explain away why he was crawling in through his fucking window without getting the cops called.

“No,” Cas said, his voice developing an edge. It wasn’t necessarily a demand but it had the edge of one and it felt more like an ominous warning. At this, Sam stood, taking a careful step toward the stairs as Dean pushed Stiles back a bit. Hopefully, with all things considered and super-sonic hearing, Derek could get a clue and leave before this night led to a round of mug shots.

Of course though, that was foolish thinking on Stiles’ behalf.

As soon as the thought of Derek leaving on his own crossed his mind, the man in question was leaping down the stairs. His eyes were red and his teeth elongated. He looked like he was ready to fight. Jesus fucking Christ.

“Oh my god,” Stiles groaned, his hands pulling at his hair as he watched the scene unfold in front of him. How the fuck was he going to explain this to his brothers?!

“Wolf!” Dean shouted, and in an instant, he was pulling a gun out of- honestly, no one saw where it came from, Stiles guessed thin air because what the actual fuck, Dean.

And- oh. Oh . He knew. He knew about werewolves.

“Wait!” Stiles cried, dodging in front of the three men, coming to a halt in front of Derek and throwing his hands out. “He’s a friend! He won’t do anything, he’s-”

“It’s them, Stiles,” Derek growled. And Stiles paused, because who was what? And then it clicked. Them. The hunters. The ones in the woods. The ones with the weird scent.

“Oh, we’re hunters alright, wolfy,” Dean replied. At this, Stiles whipped around. Dean was still holding his gun, steady and dead set, and Sam now also had a gun and good fucking god where were these things coming from, seriously?!

After a couple of seconds of utter confusion, Stiles instinctively backed up further toward Derek, crowding the older man’s space. His hand reached back and grabbed onto Derek’s forearm, trying to anchor himself and keep note of where exactly Derek was positioned in correlation to him.

“Okay. Okay… so this is all very confusing and I’m sure we all have some great stories to tell but could we put away the damn guns for a second?” Stiles asked, eyes bulging a big as he silently pleaded with the two in front of him.

“He’s a werewolf, Stiles,” Sam said, exasperated. No shit, Sherlock.

“I am thoroughly aware of what Derek is, Sam. Now please put away the damn guns,” Stiles hissed, frustration coming out. At this, Dean and Sam met eyes, contemplating their next moves.

Cas, the wonderful instigator of the current train wreck going on, just had to go and ruin this possible moment of peace. “There’s more.”

Stiles groaned, shooting a look over his shoulder at Derek. “Did you seriously call in the puppies through the stupid pack bonds?” At this, Stiles simply got a glare because yes, Stiles, of course, I called in the others when we’re being threatened (and don’t call them puppies) .

No sooner had this quick exchange happened did Stiles find his front door nearly being thrown off the hinges with Lydia, Allison, Kira, and Cora stumbling in. Erica, Boyd, Isaac, Jackson, and Scott apparently opted for the window route and came tumbling down the stairs. At this point, fangs, claws, and weapons were being pulled from all directions and Stiles felt like he was the target at a gun range.

“A whole pack?!” Sam asked incredulously, turning towards the front door and backing up toward Dean who kept his eyes (and gun!) trained on Derek near the bottom of the stairs. “Looks like it,” Dean muttered, tightening his grip.

Stiles, poor confused, easily killable, undefended Stiles, was on the verge of a conjoined panic and heart attack. His eyes danced around the room taking in the scene. Dean and Sam with guns drawn, the wolves half-shifted, Allison with a crossbow, Kira with her sword, and Lydia (sweet, almost-human Lydia) had a bat (she was Stiles’ new favorite), and Cas- dear god, Cas was just standing there but as the lights flickered Stiles’ just knew it was him.

Stiles was about three seconds away from combusting due to this unforeseen supernatural mess and he did the only thing he really knew how to do and was able to do at the time.

“Holy- STOP! All of you, stop! Claws away, weapons down, and Cas- stop with the lights, I know that’s you! Just stop all your mythical, murderous crap! No one is maiming anyone - not until we figure out what the hell this is. And even then! I would much prefer we skip the maiming! I don’t want to explain blood stains on the carpet to dad or dig a grave or- or- any of it! So put your murder devices away,” Stiles exploded, taking two large steps until he was in the center of everything. He was twisting around, waving his arms, voice pitched. He was confused, without a weapon or even a shield, and in need of ten doses of Adderall in order to properly focus and figure this mess out.

At the end of his tangent, he saw the pack lower their weapons and stand up a bit straighter, shifting back to their human forms. Stiles whirled around and pinned Derek with a glare - a challenge. “That includes alphas,” Stiles hissed, waiting until Derek’s fangs and claws retracted. His eyes remained red, but Stiles knew that was the closest he was going to get given the circumstance.

In the same instance, the lights stopped flickering. Stiles pointed his glare at his brothers, dancing between Sam and Dean, until their guns lowered. Neither put them away, but if they were to pull the triggers now at least the worst thing to happen would be missing toes instead of death.

“What the hell did you get yourself into, Stiles,” Dean demanded, his eyes flicking around the room.

“Why are there hunters in your house,” Jackson growled right after, eyes locked on Dean.

Stiles sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Pack, meet Sam and Dean Winchester, my brothers - oh, and Cas. Sam, Dean, Cas - meet the pack.” Stiles tiredly flicked his hand about, motioning vaguely around the room as he spoke.

“Let’s all take a seat then,” he grunted, moving to push his brothers - and Cas - across the room and towards the chairs across from the sofa. Stiles glanced back and flicked his eyes at the sofa, silently telling the others to pile in that… general vicinity (this living room wasn’t meant for the army it currently was holding, so they’d make do).

+.+.+

Several tense minutes later, after everyone had settled and found a place to sit or lean, Stiles took up residence in front of the coffee table, between the two groups. Derek stood beside him a couple of feet away, close to the pack but within reaching distance of Stiles (much to Dean and Sam’s displeasure from the sour looks on their faces).

“So,” Stiles began, breaking the uncomfortable silence, “let’s get to the bottom of this.”

As no one made any moves to speak up first, Stiles sighed, hung his head, then looked at the ceiling as if asking for strength. “Okay then, I’ll start!”

“Two years ago. Running around the woods. Scott got bit by a rouge alpha, wolfed out, and now has a monthly date with the moon. Many threats, supernatural battles, and stressful nights later, we all rounded up and banded together. We are now a pack under Derek - Alpha of the Hale Pack. Cut to an hour ago when you three showed up unexpectedly, and now we’re on the verge of mass murder! There, all caught up.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, obviously not content with the short (bullshitted) summary provided by the younger boy, but he didn’t push. “And you’re… all, werewolves?” he asked, eyeing Stiles in particular.

“Human,” Stiles nodded.

“Kitsune!” Kira offered up.

“Banshee,” Lydia coldly provided.

“Uh, hunter - sort of,” Allison shyly added.

“Oh, he was a kanima for a while but he’s all wolf now we think soI don’t think Jackson counts,” Stiles tacked on, gesturing towards the pissed-off blonde brooding on the edge of the couch. “Your turn!” Stiles cheerily said, leaning towards the two men on his left.

“Dad’s a hunter. Mom died from a demon attack, not a house fire. After, dad got into hunting big time. He went on a trip and when he didn’t come back, we went after him. And just kind of kept running into supernatural cases along the way. That’s why we came here actually - we caught wind of there being a skinwalker in a nearby town. We checked it out and decided to stop by. Happened to hear of an alarming number of… animal attacks, and figured we’d check the area,” Sam offered. His summary was just as vague but less sarcastic so A+ for him, honestly.

“And him?” Stiles nodded at Cas.

“I’m an angel of the lord,” he responded, even and without emotion.

“An angel of the- oh Christ, are you kidding me?” Stiles moaned. At least that explained the weird smell Derek couldn't place. It was - quite literally - an out-of-this-world scent from a fucking angel. So that checks out!

“No, I am not kidding. I am an angel,” Cas confirmed, and- oh yea, he was worse than Derek. Stiles blinked at him then shook his head. He’d make fun of that… later .

“Great! That’s just perfect. Just gonna add angels to the list then. But onto more pressing matters. When were you going to tell me you’re hunters?” Stiles asked, turning to narrow his eyes at Sam.

“When were you going to tell us you joined a werewolf gang?” Dean countered.

“It’s not a gang,” Scott muttered, which earned him several glares.

“Okay, fair. But you guys have a few extra years on your secret so I think I have a right to be a bit more pissed than you,” Stiles snarked, crossing his arms. “All those hunting trips you guys went on for weeks on end? The ‘self-defense’ moves you taught me when we were younger? Any of that ring a bell?”

Sam sighed, hanging his head. “You’re right. We should’ve told you. We just didn’t want you involved in… this,” he offered. Stiles scoffed. “Bit late for that one buddy!” And yea, the fling of his arm towards the pack was unnecessary but was also example enough.

“We only hunt those that hurt others. It’s not a sport or some shit,” Dean spoke, his voice hard as he looked Stiles dead on. He had a look of betrayal edged in his eyes - one Stiles knew was mirrored in his own.

“We don’t hurt anyone unless it’s in defense,” Derek growled, challenging the implication that hung in the air.

“Oh, yea? And who bit Scott?” Dean countered.

“Rouge alpha. We killed him,” Stiles waved off, admittedly leaving off the part of how said rouge alpha was resurrected and lurking around Derek’s loft as they spoke. That detail wasn’t important, not really.

Sam sat up straighter and leveled Stiles with a look, taking in a deep breath. “Okay. Truce. We aren’t here to hurt anyone. We just didn’t expect to be ambushed by an entire pack in our brother’s living room but, well, we can see how that is to now be expected,” Sam exhaled, offering up the closest thing to an olive branch Stiles knew they’d get tonight. So he’d take it.

“No guns, no claws. Consider this our peace treaty,” Stiles muttered before casting a glance at the others, “right?” He got a chorus of grunts and quiet ‘yes’s. Derek glared at him, a scowl on his face, but the firm, short nod was agreement enough. “Great,” Stiles sighed, looking at Dean expectantly.

“Yea, I still don’t trust ‘em,” Dean deadpanned, which obviously earned him a round of glares and scoffs. “But fine, peace treaty bullshit yada, yada. I won’t pull out my gun unless the claws come out.”

“And I won’t gut you with my claws as unless the guns come out,” Derek countered. Which was both expected and unexpected. Good on Derek for learning to use words! Bad on Derek for not learning how peace treaties work. Win some, lose some.

Stiles glared between the two men, huffing.

“Now that that’s all cleared up!” Stiles said, an empty silence following. It was painful, truly.

Surprisingly, it was Cas who broke the silence. Which should have keyed Stiles in on the fact that it would be another train wreck. But he was just happy to escape the silence that had wrapped around the room so he ignorantly embraced the man’s words blindly.

“I do have one question,” Cas started, “how did you become half of an alpha pair without bonding? I’ve never seen that between mates in packs.”

At this, Stiles short-circuited because what? Of all the questions, of all the implications- bonded? Alpha pair? Mates? What the ever living fuck, Cas.

“Alpha pair?” Sam asked, confused.

“Mates?!” Dean hissed, standing.

Stiles was still on the frozen Windows logo screen in his mind and needed an extra second or two to catch up. And he really couldn’t help his initial reaction.

“Seriously?” Stiles glared at Dean. “He drops alpha pair and bonds and I’m a human in a goddamn werewolf mix-and-match pack and you’re stuck on the mates part? As if me having a werewolf boyfriend - which I don’t, just for the record - is the most upsetting part? How is that fair! You’re dating an angel - of the lord !”

“We’re not dat-” Dean began.

“Whatever! He’s your Cas - your Cas, Dean. He’s your something ! Boyfriend, mistress, historically inaccurate best friend, something! That’s just hypocritical,” Stiles exclaimed, waving his hands around wildly. At this, Sam couldn’t help but to snort with laughter, doubling over a bit as he heaved. Because the kid wasn’t wrong. Maybe Dean and Cas didn’t discuss it or label it or whatever, but there was - something - something very gay and very not friend-like going on there.

“And you!” Stiles continued, pointing at Cas. “We’re not dating! We’re not mates! I am not part of an alpha pair - there is one alpha, Derek! Why would you even think that?!”

At this, Stiles got snorts and chuckles from the pack. Isaac in particular snorted the loudest ( “You essentially are dating, though” ) while Kira and Allison giggled as if this was all some joke ( “They really are mom and dad, then!” ). Which, yea, okay - Stiles didn’t need a reminder of his hard-on for the guy two feet away from him especially not with his newfound werewolf-killing brothers right there, thanks guys!

“Your bonds. I can see them. You have the same weight to your commands as Derek. But your connection to him isn’t… tethered. It’s there, and you hold the responsibilities and control of half of an alpha pair, it just isn’t solidified or as strong as I would expect,” Cas explained.

At this, Stiles whirled around on Derek next, giving him his best can-you-believe-this-crap look only Derek was… red. His eyes were glued to the floor, there was a notch in his jaw, and his cheeks had the ever-faintest dusting of pink on them. And that was - surprising. Stiles wasn’t really sure what to do with that. He could read too much into it later and get his hopes up before being decimated at a later time.

“Either way, he’s still out of your league,” Dean quipped, breaking the once more tense silence. Stiles eyeballed the older man, watching him lean back in his chair all relaxed-like and nonchalant. The bastard even had the gall to have a smirk painted on his lips, a playfulness dancing across his eyes.

This was his olive branch. And it came at the price of Stiles’ self-esteem (not unusual for him, actually).

“Like you’d be one to talk. Sure it’d be hard to think I could bag Pretty Boy McMurder Face over here but you somehow got a literal angel? From heaven? Like made by god - who holy shit is actually real, Jesus fucking Christ, new existential crisis material for later, great - like who would believe that? It’s you, Dean,” Stiles countered.

This was easy. This was doable. The banter. He could sacrifice some of his self-esteem for this, no problemo.

Cas seemed almost gleeful at this revelation by Stiles, Sam was cackling once more, Dean was glaring at him, and everyone from his own pack was laughing and giggling as well.

“Yea, yea, laugh it up,” Dean grumbled.

At least the night could end on a less murderous note, Stiles thought. He wasn’t sure what direction this was going, but when Isaac quipped about how Jackson somehow got Lydia which was proof enough that anything could happen, it kind of spiraled from there.

The conversation went from teasing to mentions of supernatural encounters ( “The fuck is a rugaru” ) to topics of travel ( “We stay in cash-only hotels alongside alleys, not resorts off the coast of Greece, Lydia” ), and dozens of topics in between. It’s actually surprising how much they’re all able to talk and how well they all get along. Even Derek adds in about his experiences in New York and oddly bonds with Dean over their individual cars, which okay, a little weird, but they both have a thing for sleek, black cars that are used as personality traits so go figure.

All in all, Stiles was pleased with the turn of events.

+.+.+

After several hours, the pack begins to filter out. Lydia and Sam swap numbers as she has a few questions about bar exams, Dean and Allison swap numbers with promises to share bestiaries/information decks so the two groups could have more information on hand, and Kira happily tells them all that she hopes to see them again. Isaac, who seemed to gain affection towards Cas for slight reasons unknown, smiles at the other and offers a wave before ducking out with Cora in toe.

Most of the pack heads back to the loft because in Erica’s words “We’re owed breakfast after this disaster, it saves time going there now”. Eventually, it’s just Sam, Dean, Cas, Stiles, and Derek - who refused to leave Stiles alone (sure, now he embraces the Buddy System Plan - jerk).

“We should head out. Our hotel is a couple of towns over and we still have a couple of days on the books. But we’ll come back before we head out, have dinner with you and the old man,” Sam says, moving towards the door. “It was good to see you again, Stiles. Even if it almost ended in mass murder at the beginning.”

Stiles rolled his eyes at the other’s joke, judging him in the side before pulling him into a tight hug. “Yea, yea. Always fun times here at casa de Stilinski. And don’t forget it! You should come back more often, always something to keep you only our toes with me,” Stiles teased, smiling at Sam before he went to go to the car.

“I’m gonna miss you, brother,” Dean said as he embraced Stiles. He clung on a bit harder and a bit longer than Sam did, and Stiles cherished the feeling while he had it. “I’ll miss you too. Seriously, don’t disappear for so long again. You know dad and I love having you guys here,” he muttered, tucking his head into Dean’s neck as he gave him a final squeeze.

Before releasing him, Stiles tilted his head up to whisper in Dean’s ear, “And make sure you figure out that something with Cas. You guys are painfully obvious and I don’t wanna be sick the next time you guys visit, so get over the mooning already.”

Dean rolled his eyes and shoved the younger boy away, giving him a sincere smile as he did so. With that, he too departed off the porch and towards the car.

Stiles expected Cas to same a quick goodbye, nod, or just walk off, but surprisingly the man paused in front of Stiles. After a brief pause, he put his hand on Stiles’ shoulder and offered a smile.

“He feels the same way you do. He thinks about you the same way.”

Stiles’ eyes widened as he more so felt the words than heard them - fucking angels, man. But he smiled brightly at Cas, nodding. “Thanks, Cas.” A curt nod and a simple ‘goodbye’ and he was following after Dean.

As Stiles turned towards Derek, about to close the door, he muttered a brief prayer for luck for what he was about to do next.

“You don’t need it,” Cas called, and Stiles jumped, eyes widening ( again ), because- “You can hear fucking prayers?!”

Cas grinned widely at the boy, giving a wave as he disappeared (literally). “Holy shit…” Stiles muttered, shaking his head. He’d find a way to have fun with that newfound fact later, but for now, he had some more pressing matters to tend to.

With everyone else gone and the front door shut and locked, it was finally just Stiles and Derek.

“So,” Stiles began, rocking back and forth as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Alpha pair, eh? And uh… mates? What’s uh, what’s that all about?”

Derek shifted, his eyes gluing themselves back down to the carpet just as they had earlier. He was obviously uncomfortable, but in light of new information and a surprising boost of confidence from one of god’s very own angels, Stiles was determined.

“Is it like… a pack thing? Ya’know, like a spot that had to be filled and it just happened to be me for now? Like a thing that just sort of happened?” he asked, “Or… or is it more than that?”

Derek finally looked up, his eyes scanning Stiles’ face, searching. Stiles could only hope that Cas was right with his assessment otherwise the smell of utter desperation and hope and longing he knew he was giving off was going to be incredibly embarrassing in just a few minutes.

“It is a role in the pack,” Derek leveled, which, okay, yea, that made Stiles immediately deflate. “But it isn’t a necessary role like needing an alpha. It comes with time. And it’s something that has to be… agreed upon. By me, by the pack. By you.”

That. That made Stiles perk up, 110%, yessiree!

“Oh, uh, cool! Great, so, same page and stuff, right? And so, like, the other parts - the whole, bonded and mates things? How does… that play into all this?” Stiles nervously chewed on chews bottom lip, working it between his teeth as he asked. Just because Derek and he felt the same way doesn’t mean he necessarily wanted to act on it. Of course, Stiles wanted to (who fucking wouldn’t?) but he had to make sure this was something else they were also on the same page about.

Instead of an answer, Derek moved closer, blocking Stiles up against the front door. His eyes danced across the younger boy’s face, a small look of wonder and curiosity in them. He slowly raised one hand to cup the back of Stiles’ neck, his other hand grabbing onto a hip. He leaned his body against him, pressing the two of them together and ghosting his lips barely an inch from Stiles’ own.

“I want those things too,” Derek murmured, his eyes still dancing across the other’s face.

“Good, because I’ve been wanting that for a while myself,” Stiles grinned. And he couldn’t hold back anymore. With a tilt of his head and a surge forward, he slotted his lips against Derek’s. The two of them worked in tandem, a soft, languid kiss shared between them.

Derek pulled back just enough to suck in a deep breath then, without another word, he pushed back forward, a bit harder this time. His hand pressed into Stiles’ hip, fingernails pushing at the skin just below his shirt, and his other hand tugged the back of his neck to make sure he was as close as possible. Stiles, in response, twisted his fingers into the fabric of Derek’s shirt, right at the sides of his torso where they had found purchase during their first kiss, and he parted his lips to welcome in the tongue that continued to trace his bottom lip.

This kiss was more intense. It was harder, more hands-on. Teeth nipped, tongues slid against one another, and small gasps of moans were shared between the two. This time, when Stiles pulled back, he chanced a look at the clock on the wall. 2:13 AM. Nice.

“Come on.”

With that, Stiles formed his way out of the hold Derek had on him (earning him a small, frustrated groan) and pulled him up the stairs, turning out the lights as he went.

“Something tells me this would be 100x better in my bed and without shirts,” Stiles explained.

“That it does,” Derek hummed.

And if Derek immediately pinned Stiles against the back of his bedroom door once they got upstairs and totally ignored the bed suggestion for another 20 minutes, well, Stiles wasn’t complaining. They had time, the bed wasn’t going anywhere after all.

#derek hale/stiles stilinski #derek hale #stiles stilinski #ao3 #ao3fic

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bing-bang-bingo · 4 years

Text

- 4x3: c. 40:00 Cas comforts Dean after Mary makes a deal w/ Azazel

- 4x7: 15:50 Dean stops Sam from shooting Cas, then Sam mentions that he’s “heard a lot about him”

- 4x7: 39:00 Cas tells Dean he prayed he’d save the town, then he tells him about his doubts and Deans future troubles

- 4x10 & ???: Dean calls “last night on Earth” his best line. He uses this line on Cas

- 4x10: 27:15 “Castiel has this weakness. He likes you.”

- 4x10: 32:50 Cas looking jealous and sad when Dean kisses Anna

- 4x16: 7:30 Cas tells Dean he got in trouble for showing emotion and getting to close to Dean. 8:20 “I would give anything not to have you do this”

- 4x16: 39:00 Cas warns Dean to be careful while Dean is in the hospital, they discuss the first seal and saving Dean from hell

- 4x18: 31:30 Cas tells Dean how to save Sam from Lilith even though he’s not allowed to interfere

- 4x20: 38:00 Deans face when Cas tells him he “learned his lesson when he was in heaven”

- 4x22: 30:40 Cas considers rebelling for Dean. 33:00 He does. 35:20 He fights multiple Archangels for Dean

- 5x1: 5:45 Dean denies Cas’ death 8:25 “I learned that from my friend Cas you son of a bitch”

- 5x1: 31:00 Cas saves Sam and Dean from Zach

- 5x3: 6:10 Cas-“I need your help because your the only one who will help me”

- 5x3: 10:20 Dean fixes Cas’ tie and jacket

- 5x4: 38:50 “Don’t Ever Change”

- 5x8: 38:20 Dean makes Gabriel bring Cas back, then makes sure he’s okay

- 5x13: ?:?? Cas won’t let Dean meet with Anna because it’s not safe

- 5x17: 30:30 Cas and Dean discuss what it’s like to have a deadbeat dad

- 5x18: 25:15 Cas kicks Deans ass for trying to sacrifice himself

- 5x21: 3:50 Cas and Dean bickering like and old married couple then Cas gives Dean a heartfelt apology.

- 6x17: 18:55 “No you’re confusing me with the other angel, the one in the dirty trench coat who is in love with you.”

- 6x17: 38:00 Sam: “So you killed 50,000 people for us?” Cas: *looks at Dean*

- 6x19: 25:20 Bobby reassures Cas that they’ll be back soon, Cas acts like a worried and disappointed wife.

- 6x19: 36:25 Cas yelling “Dean!” when Eve bites him

- 6x19: 40:00 Dean is the only one who doesn’t think Cas is working with Crowley (he’s wrong but it’s sweet)

- 6x20: 4:50 Dean v v worried, “But Cas you’ll call right? If you get into real trouble?”

- 6:30 Crowley implies that Cas is distracted by Dean and tells him he reeks of the Impala.

- 7:20 Cas says that Dean taught him how to care and what to care about. Then Cas saves Sam (for Dean)

- 13:15 Cas says that the worst part of working with Crowley (basically his sworn natural enemy) is that it hurt Dean and that he hated lying to him.

- 25:20 Cas refuses to ask Dean for help because he has “sacrificed too much” even though it means Cas could die.

- 26:00 Crowley tells Cas he has a way for everyone to get a happy ending “with all possible entendres intended” while Cas stares longingly at Dean.

- 33:00 Dean is close to tears when he learns that Cas is working with Crowley, Cas says he did it to protect Dean.

- 35:25 “Dammit Cas we can fix this!” “Dean it’s not broken!” He then tells the boys to run from the demon cloud and Dean gives him the saddest look in the world before being forced to leave him behind.

- 38:00 Cas watches Dean sleep. “I’m doing this for you Dean. I’m doing this because of you!”

- 6x21: 22:40 “I do everything you ask. I always come when you call and I am your friend. Still despite your lack of faith in me and now your threats I’ve just saved you yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you?”

- 6x22: Dean to Cas- “Don’t make me lose you, too.”

- 7x2: 5:35 Dean nearly cries on screen when he thinks Cas is dead

- 7x17: Cas says “I remember ~you~” as soon as he regains his memories.

- 7x17: Cas ask why Dean didn’t tell him all the horrible things Cas did. Parallels the conversation Karen and Dean had about telling Bobby she remembered him killing her and her telling Dean that he had never been on love before.

- 7x21: The face Dean makes when he sees Cas again plus the prolonged eye contact when Cas says Deans name.

- 7x21: Hester telling Dean that when Cas first saved him from Hell he was lost- parallels- Lucifer/Jess saying she was dead the moment she met Sam.

- 7x23: 8:50 “Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first.” Meg to Dean about Cas

- 7x23: 32:45 “I’m sorry but I’d rather have you, cursed or not.”

- 7x23: 36:50 Cas steps in to protect Dean despite spending the whole season avoiding fighting and saying he won’t fight.

- 8x2: 25:00 Cas ran away to keep the Leviathans away from Dean. Dean refuses to leave purgatory without Cas.

- 8x7: 20:30 Deans reaction to seeing Cas all cleaned up.

- 8x7: Dean convinced himself that it was his fault Cas was still in purgatory because he’s a sweet idiot boy who hates himself

- 8x7: 35:00 The whole Dean and Cas conversation about purgatory and Cas doing stuff that puts him in danger.

- 8x8: 12:30 Cas just casually going through Deans stuff and Dean not saying anything.

- 8x8: 13:00 Cas offering to watch over Dean while he slept

- 8x8: 15:15 Dean talks to Cas about feelings and heaven even though Dean hates talking about feelings.

- 8x17: Cas fights Naomi’s mind control for Dean

- 8x23: 22:50 Dean and Cas sadly discuss Cas closing the doors of heaven and say goodbye

- 9x1: Dean prays to Cas and tells him he isn’t mad about the angels falling.

- 9x1: Cas’ first instinct is to explain himself to Dean then to come help him.

- 9x1: Dean begs Cas to “for once, look out for yourself.”

- 9x3: 36:45 Dean to Cas after Cas came back from the dead “Don’t you ever do that again!”

- 9x6: Literally just Dean trying desperately the whole episode to hang out with Cas

- 9x10: 26:00 Dean and Cas talk about how Cas is doing and Dean offers him a rare sincere apology. Plus the “I prefer the term ‘trusting’. Less dumb, less ass.” dialogue

- 9x18: Cas’ little smile when Dean makes a joke about Honor Bars and Cas is just so happy to hear his voice.

- 9x18: Metatron’s illusion of Gabriel calls Cas Dean’s boy-toy

- 9x18: Cas can tell something is wrong with Dean, then Cas yells at Dean about getting the Mark of Cain

- 9x22: Cas chooses Dean over all of Heaven once again

- 9x22: The Cas and Dean conversation about the three of them being enough when an army wasn’t and Cas giving up an army all for Dean

- 9x23: “I’m blaming you for taking Cas’ grace.”

- 10x1: 5:00 Cas about Dean- “I miss him.”

- 10x2: 9:00 Cas’ reaction to learning that Dean is a demon

- 10x3: The conversation between Dean and Cas at the end of the episode. “You look terrible” “You on the other hand, your looking good.”

- 10x5: Deans reaction to Cas and Dean actors hugging and holding hands

- 10x5: “Put as much sub into that text as you possibly can.” *looks directly at fake Cas*

- 10x9: 15:00 Cas tells Dean he’s a good role model. Then asks him if he’s okay and when Dean lies and says he is he pushes it further. Dean makes Cas promise to kill him if he goes Dark

- 10x22: Dean and Cas fight and parallel Cain and his Wife.

- 10x23: Dean sees Cas’ bloody face in the mirror

- 11x1: Cas being more worried about Dean than himself even though Cas is under a spell that will kill him.

- 11x2: Dean calling Cas and stressing out when he doesn’t answer

- 11x3: Dean trying to coax Cas out of the attack dog spell, refusing to fight back when Cas was attacking, freaking out when Cas took a minute to wake up, refusing to let Cas heal him (because he “had it coming”), and refusing to let Cas apologize (because “there’s nothing to apologize for”).

- 11x10: “Dean, I came as soon as you called.” Also: “Stick your tongue out.” Dean-*does*

- 11x11: Dean realizing that something is wrong with Cas (while he is possessed by Lucifer)

- 11x11: Mildred says that Dean is pining for someone else(probably meant to be a reference to Amara, but she told him this after he had seen Cas for the first time in a few days.)

- 11x14: The sadness on Deans face when he realizes Cas is Lucifer and then his determination to save Cas

- 11x15: Dean getting kinda dark when he talks about what he’s willing to do to save Cas and he prioritizes saving Cas over bearing Amara.

- 11x17: Dean once again prioritizing saving Cas over saving the world. Sam reassuring Dean that they’ll save Cas (even though Dean didn’t say anything about what was upsetting him)

- 11x17: The camera zooming in on Dean after Michelle says that there is no normal after losing the man you love.

- 11x18: Dean refuses to put Lucifer in the cage or let him fight Amara while using Cas as his vessel.

- 11x18: The difference in the way Dean looks at Lucifer vs at Cas

- 11x18: Dean about Cas: “Lets go find that idiot and bring him home.”

- 11x19: Dean has been looking for leads non stop for a week since Amara took Cas

- 11x21: Amara uses Cas’s heart to find Dean, then shows Dean images of Cas beaten and bloodied to convince him to turn against Chuck

- 11x23: Dean’s face when he realizes Cas is back and Lucifer is gone.

- 11x23: Dean tells Cas he isn’t stupid and that he always helps

- 11x23: Cas: “Dean are you okay? How do you feel?”

- 11x23: Cas hugging Dean super tight before he goes off to die. Dean entrusting his life’s purpose (look after Sam) then thanking him for everything.

- 12x1: Cas seeing that Dean is alive and hugging him while his voice breaks.

- 12x1: Cas taking the job Dean have him very seriously

- 12x2: Dean adorably venting to Cas about his mommy-issues

- 12x3: Dean- “Morning sunshine want some coffee.” Cas- “No thank you.”

- 12x7: “Well at least I don’t look like a lumberjack.” They are such husbands

- 12x7: “Engaged in what Cas? killing you?”

- 12x8: Cas being so worried about what happened to Sam and DEAN that Kelly escaped.

- 12x9: Mary-“You left them!” Cas- *voice breaking* “Dean told me to go!” Also, just Cas looking so hard for them.

- 12x9: Cas blaming himself for Sam and Dean being taken

- 12x9 Cas knowing how long the boys have been gone down to the hour.

- 12x9: Cas’s voice and eyes when he hears Dean’s voice on the phone.

- 12x9: Cas killing Billie because “You mean too much to me” and “The world needs as many Winchesters as it can get.”

- 12x10: Poor Sam having to deal with Cas and Dean while they fight like an old married couple.

- 12x10: Dean immediately telling Ishim to go to hell when he insults Cas

- 12x10: Sam telling Dean to go to Cas when Dean thought Cas was in trouble

- 12x10: Cas immediately believing Dean about Ishim even though they’re mad at each other. Dean about to let Ishim kill him to save Cas.

- 12x10: Ishim comparing Dean and Cas’s relationship to Ishims relationship with his human lover, then saying he was going to cut Cas’s human weakness

- 12x11: “And Cas is my best friend.”

- 12x12: Dean about Cas- “My shy but devastatingly handsome friend here...”

- 12x12: Dean stressing out and voice breaking as he tries to comfort poisoned Cas

- 12x12: LITERALLY TOLD DEAN THAT HE LOVED HIM WHILE CAS WAS DYING

- 12x12: *looking at Dean* “I love you.” Then adds “I love all of you”

- 12x12: Cas- “Run.” Dean- “Cas, no.”

- 12x12: The look Dean gives Cas when he won’t stop staring at him after he’s healed.

- 12x14: Dean says some very harsh stuff to Mary after finding out the reason they Cas almost died at the lake house was because Mary was working for the British Men of Letters

- 12x15: Dean could tell something was up with Cas after talking to him for less than a minute, over the phone.

- 12x18: Sam trying to make Dean feel better about not hearing from Cas.

- 12x19: Dean literally always acting like a scorned wife when Cas comes back after long periods of time

- 12x19: Dean made Cas a mixtape

- 12x19: Cas- “I ~needed~ to came back here with a win for you.”

- 12x19: Cas- *gesturing between Dean and himself* “You mean... we?” Dean- “Yes, dumbass, we.”

- 12x23: Dean screaming for Cas when he attacks Lucifer and trying to chase after him forcing Sam to drag Dean back through the rift. A direct parallel to Dean pulling Sam away from Jess and the fire in Pilot

- 12x23: Dean kneeling next to Cas’s dead body looking up at the sky completely devastated.

- 13x1: Dean couldn’t bring himself to say dead when referring to Cas

- 13x1: Dean PRAYED to GOD to bring Cas back

- 13x1: “We just lost ~everything~. And now you’re gonna bring ~him~ back.”

- 13x1: Dean personally wrapping Cas’s body and giving him a hunters funeral.

- 13x1: The look of complete devastation on Dean’s face when he burns Cas’s body.

- 13x3: Dean refusing to help save Jack because he blames him for manipulating Cas and getting him killed.

- 13x4: The Empty to Cas: “I know what you love, what you fear. There is nothing for you back there.” He loves Dean and Cas fears that Dean doesn’t love him back.

- 13x5: Sam being worried about Dean who has given up all hope since Cas died.

- 13x5: Dean being so distressed thinking Cas is gone forever that he tries to kill himself

- 13x5: Dean seeing Cas alive again and they both have tears in their eyes.

- 13x6: Dean hugging Cas and saying he’s been gone for “too damn long”

- 13x6: Dean being immediately happier and nicer to everyone once Cas is back

- 13x6: Cas saying “Yes. Yes, he does” (in response to Jack saying Dean really likes cowboys) with the tone of an exhausted spouse.

- 13x6: “I told you, he’s an angry sleeper. Like a bear.”

- 13x6: Dean made Cas watch Tombstone with him.

- 13x6: Dean and Cas dresses like cowboy husbands.

- 13x6: Cas saying “I’m your huckleberry” to Dean in a deep accent and Dean looking away.

- 13x6: Their undercover names are Russel and Kilmer

- 13x14: The whole scene where Cas and Dean fight Gog/Magog and act like an old married couple.

- 13x14: The angry, dark look Cas gives Donatello when he tries to kill Dean

- 13x16: “Dean has him by the thigh!” Cas, jealously: “He ~what~?”

- 13x16: “and that includes the Cartwright twins.” Cas, again jealously: “what did you do with the Cartwright twins?”

- 13x19: Cas angrily confronting Naomi about forcing him to kill a bunch of Dean clones.

- 13x21: Cas secretly sliding Dean more pizza when Mary and Sam left the room.

- 13x21: Cas having to hold Dean back from going after Sam. Dean would have beat the shit out of anyone else who tried to stop him.

- 13x23: Cas trying to stop Dean from giving himself to Michael even if it meant losing Sam AND Jack

- 13x23: Cas sitting alone in the bum jet with tears in his eyes after Dean left

- 14x1: Demon: “How is it you lost Dean. I thought you two were joined at the... everything.”

- 14x1: Dean trying to save Cas from Lucifer then vs Cas trying to save Dean from Michael now

- 14x3: The look that Dean and Cas give each other when Dean comes home.

- 14x9: Cas almost being happy seeing Dean happy. And then having to force himself to not be happy so he doesn’t die.

- 14x12: Cas being phased at Dean for wanting to put himself in the box with Michael forever

- 14x14: Cas is the only Dean will let talk to him about Michael and be honest about how Dean feels

- 14x14: “No, it’s on us.”

- 14x14: Cas’s voice breaking when he talks about the possibility of Dean dying one day.

- 14x18: The pure self loathing in Cas’s eyes when he feels like he failed Dean by not telling him about Jack’s soul.

- 15x2: “You asked ‘what about all of this is real?’ We are.” THE MOST ROMANTIC LINE EVER. (Plus later Eileen and Sam have the same conversation but they get to kiss because homophobia)

- 15x9- 20:00 Dean said that they lost everyone they cared about, then added Cas specifically. Then he says “I had to bury him” not “we”

- 15x9- 23:00 Dean cries when he can’t find Cas. Then he prays to him and apologizes for letting him go. He falls to his knees praying to him and fully crying

- 15x12: “I created the world.” *shows Destiel*

- 15x15: This time when Dean sees Cas leaving the bunker, he stops him. (In reference to Cas saying “you didn’t stop me” when Dean got mad at him for leaving)

- 15x16: This is the the only version of Cas that rebelled for Dean. This universe is literally being saved repeatedly because of Cas’s love for Dean

- 15x18: CAS CONFESSES HIS LOVE TO DEAN then goes to mega hell for being gay

Anyway, Cas loves Dean and Dean LOVES HIM BACK, OKAY?!?!? Feel free to add more

8K notes · View notes

stusbunker · 2 years

Text

Tattered: Mate or Fate

A Supernatural A/B/O Fan-fiction Mini-series

Featuring: Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader, Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader

Word Count: ~3050

Warnings, etc: True mates, still in varying first person POVs, some dialogue taken from canon, emotional infidelity, no one is doing okay, ESPECIALLY SAM, Dean’s in denial

Series Masterlist

Mommy Dearest

Dean

I’ve gotten pretty damn good at being bait. And all things considered, I’m glad it was me that was able to get her hackles raised. But having something wearing my mom’s face lean in and gnaw on my neck— through my Omega’s mark— that was a manner of skeeze I haven’t experienced in a very long time.

Luckily Cas was there to clean me up. Stop me from becoming a Jefferson Starship— into what she’d changed those kids into.

Man, she really played us. Experimenting on fucking kids? Talk about a monster.

I still don’t know what I’m going to tell Y/N. I mean, the truth, or some sanitized version of it. Because I know she’s still there, we’re still tethered, but it’s like coming home without a wedding ring. You don’t just LOSE your mark on the way home from a hunt.

Sam keeps eyeing me and watching Bobby like I’m going to grow a second head. Or maybe he’s on Bobby’s side about Cas. Who the fuck knows. Between Eve biting it just to learn of Crowley’s second coming I’m feeling like a first class stooge. I can’t take one more thing.

Heads will roll.

Let It Bleed

Sam

Hospitals are always the worst part of the job. And it’s not even coming up with the stories to explain away whatever insane injuries got us there in the first place. It's the waiting.

Dean hasn’t left Lisa’s side.

His Omega is sitting in a motel room alone and he’s taking care of someone else.

My Omega is sitting in a motel room alone and I’m waiting on him to get home to her. I may actually kill him for putting her through this.

And he has the nerve to cry about wiping their memories, which is so overreaching of him I can’t even see straight.

He turns up the radio and gets back on the highway. I smell the guilt and the regret and the simmering loss rolling off him. I crack the window before I slam his face into the steering wheel. He did this to himself. Not the demons, obviously, but he chose Y/N over Lisa and Ben.

Dean doesn’t deserve to grieve for them.

He pulls into the parking lot of a dilapidated strip mall. Tells me to put in a food order at the Chinese place while he makes a beeline for the liquor store. I do it just to get out of the car and away from him. The smell of overused peanut oil is a welcome distraction as I step into line. I keep my head down, make my face neutral, and try not to panic any of the civilians.

Same shit different day.

The old lady behind the counter is a half second away from calling the cops, one hand on the phone as she takes my order. What’s worse is I don’t even blame her. She takes my name and phone number, tells me it will be twenty minutes. I wait outside.

I don’t go back to the car.

Until I absolutely have to.

The Man Who Knew Too Much

We find Professor Visyak bleeding out in an alley. There is something so wrong about seeing someone like that dying next to a dumpster. Purgatory native or not, she was Bobby’s friend. And we didn’t keep her safe.

Cas blindsides us with righteous disappointment.

The air still smells of ozone when he disappears again. Only to send me to my knees. My head explodes and I go blind. The last thing I remember is Dean calling my name.

Reader

Bobby starts another pot of coffee. I clear the dishes from the dinner they never ate. I leave them in the sink for something to do when they leave me, again. The stress is oozing off of all of us and making the air of the house thick and desperate.

Losing Cas feels inevitable now.

Losing each other is the anticipated second course.

I gather up some weapons for Bobby to bag. Anything that can help against Angels or Demons. Anything that might get them out of there in one piece. He keeps giving me hopeful glances and it’d be sweet if they weren’t full of pity.

My center of gravity pulls me to the basement, I pace instead. Staying above ground and away from the Alphas who own different pieces of me. Sam hasn’t moved since Dean and Bobby dragged him through the backdoor. Cas broke the wall that Death built to keep him sane. Like a light switch, he just went dark.

I feel him around the bend even though I know he’s on a cot under Dean’s nose. If only I keep moving, keep looking, I’ll find him eventually. Somewhere in the shadows, or the corner of my eye.

Maybe I’m the one who’s crazy now.

Or maybe that’s Dean bleeding into my thoughts. He’s so worried about Sam, I almost forget I am too. It’s overwhelming the sense of duty he has to Sam. Deeper than anything I’ve ever let myself feel, some cross of pack and pup.

Somehow he pulls himself away. The need to stop Cas, to save him or the world superseding all others.

They leave me with an address, tell me to bring Sam when he wakes up. Make sure I have my Beretta and leave Sam’s Taurus at his side. Rituals that we cling to, out of the comfort of habit, lacking even the illusion of safety.

I’ve never heard this place so quiet.

Minutes pass, I don’t let myself go into the basement. If I see Sam like that, I don’t know what I’ll do. Dean’s too far away for this nauseous concern to be his.

Sam breaks my internal stalemate with a single groan. He’s alive— awake. I get down the stairs and into the panic room, why did they leave him there instead of a bedroom?

He’s not fucking drying out.

My anger melts into my gut the second I scent him. Pure anguish floods my nose and I whine at his pain. That brings Sam closer to the surface, he huffs, head shaking as if he’s refusing whatever he’s seeing in his dreams. My massive Alpha reduced to a kid having a nightmare.

I crouch down at his side, careful not to touch his bare skin. He’s always such a furnace and I don’t want to put any more stress on his system—- or I’m too scared of what feeling him will do to me now. We haven’t been truly alone since…

He turns to face me, breathing deep through his nose, brow pinched. But something like relief comes over his features the longer he breathes. Like my presence alone makes whatever he’s experiencing bearable.

The Omega in me primps.

I shift onto my knees, still not touching Sam, but leaning against the cot for more balance. And wait.

I listen to the thrumming of his heart, the steady pull of air into his nose, my own movements. It could be hours, but it’s only been moments.

He hums. Then his eyes fly open, panic ripping through him as he shoves against me and sits. I fall, gracelessly as he comes to.

Somehow he manages not to knock over his gun. Fucking Winchesters.

“Sam?”

“Y/N?” He looks at me like he’s not sure if I’m real and it hurts more than it should. He looks so scared.

“It’s me, Sam. Are you alright?” I pull myself up onto the bed beside him.

He brushes the hair out of his face and sighs. “Not really. But I’ll make it.”

He gives me a sad smile and I nod, his eyes dark with unspoken horror. I grab his massive hand and pull it into my lap. He exhales and it sounds rockier than my self control.

“What are we doing, Y/N?” His voice is soft, but the fear is still there.

“We’re supposed to meet Dean and Bobby where Cas is setting up for the eclipse,” I explain without meeting his eyes.

“That’s not what I meant,” he adds, solemn.

I look at Sam, unable to hide the tears as they fall.“I don’t know anymore.”

He pulls his hand back and sits the rest of the way up. I let him. He tucks his gun in the back of his pants as he stands.

We leave to help stop Cas without another word.

Meet The New Boss

Dean

I guide Bobby in with the tow, he’s hauling in what’s left of my baby. Fucking demons. We get her cleared and settled, and I take it all in. The caved in roof, the busted glass, the whole shit show that is the engine. And my hands itch to get in there. To make her right.

Finally something I CAN do right.

Because Sammy is in the house with a scrambled brain and reliving who-knows-what while Cas—- Cas is throwing a god level tantrum.

She’s been quieter than usual. Watching us and just tending house, not that she likes to, but just for some use of her hands. Which, obviously I get. But it makes me edgy having her in the house with Sam, not saying she’s not safe—- just okay maybe she’s not safe.

Because, none of us are, not anymore.

Reader

Sam’s distress is stinking up the whole house, so I’ve been doing my damndest to keep it aired out. Let the summer breezes blow in. I remember running around the scrapyard as a kid, never needed to spend so much time inside then. Never wanted to.

I can’t leave him if I tried.

Dean’s got his head under Baby’s hood, with regular check ins, but I can tell he’s just as worried. Bobby just keeps giving us these appraising looks, waiting for one of us to break or scream.

I’m doing the last of the breakfast dishes when my Alpha wanders up behind me, hunched and exhausted, but freshly dressed. And waits in my blindspot.

“Hey,” Sam’s voice is soft, like he’s trying not to wake anyone.

I don’t mean to flinch, but his bandaged hand on my shoulder hits me with a deep sense of dred and I drop the scrub brush into the dishwater.

“Sorry,” Sam takes two steps back.

I bow against the edge of the sink and catch my breath, putting on my best appeasing smile. “It’s fine! You just startled me.”

Sam stands like he doesn’t know how to, like he’s sixteen and his arms are longer than they were the day before. I want to brush the hair out of his face and I must be staring because he stills, mouth pinched and heartbeat racing.

I can’t breathe when he gives me the puppy dog eyes.

I should look away, say something, clear the air. But he’s just looking at me like he’s lost and so incredibly vulnerable. The backdoor opens and Dean walks in and the moment’s gone and Sam’s lying through his teeth to his brother and I have to keep it together.

Hello, Cruel World

SAM

Lucifer will not shut up. No matter how many arguments I put against his claims, he still thinks he’s won.

So, I’m doing my best to ignore him. By the look on Dean’s face, it’s not my best work. He hauls me out of the backseat of the impala, and back inside Bobby’s house.

Cas is gone. His trenchcoat was all that we could find.

I need to be stronger than this. We have a whole new race of monsters to fight now. I sit down on the couch, just to catch my breath and before I know it I’m asleep. Or I think I’m asleep, because the house is quiet and I feel like I’m floating.

I know Lucifer’s still there, monkey on my back, whispering in my ear. But something else is drawing me in. Something soft and warm and impossibly safe. It feels like bedtime stories and my drool stuck face on the vinyl of the backseat of the impala. It’s sunshine and then I smell her and I know.

I just know.

I wade in, almost waking almost dreaming, never dipping too far into the nightmares. It’s the calmest I’ve felt since Cas broke the dam in my head. I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to wake up, or let her know I know she’s here. She brushes my hair back and I hold in a sigh.

Her finger tips are soft, sure. They ghost over my cheek and pull out my collar, settling over my chest, fiddling with the buttons on my plaid shirt. Her palm is heavy over my heart, like she’s trying to mold me back together. If we stay here long enough, I can almost hope she could.

I breathe her in, deep and rising, my body is unable to resist the pull she has on every cell. I can smell Dean on her, just a passing hint of sweat, and that alone should stop me. But it doesn’t. I roll until my back is flat against the back of the couch, giving her space. I feel her perch on the very edge, closer but not close enough. I reach up and hug her hand against my chest. Eyes still closed, I silently beg that she lets me hold her, even if it’s only like this.

A gentle line is drawn between my eyebrows and I relax, smiling. She taps the tip of my nose and I can hear the giggle in her breath. I want to see that secret smile on her lips, but I’m so scared that if I open my eyes, it will be him again. I know it’s her.

But I can never be sure.

I keep my faith and breathe in her scent, saving us both from possibility.

Reader

The house is quiet at night, but it doesn’t mean it’s any easier to breathe. Dean fell asleep after he showered and barely kissed me goodnight. He’s mumbling through a bad dream already and my stomach is in knots.

Touching Sam while he slept earlier was not a good idea. But I can’t stop thinking about doing it again.

I roll over and stare at the wall, count the cracks in the paneling in the bedroom that used to only belong to me. I think about how I got here. Think about those sticky, dirty hours in the cabin without a care in the world except Sam pounding into me. Before we knew what was wrong with him. Before Dean staked his claim.

Before I realized I love them both.

I don’t cry. It’s my fault, I don’t deserve to cry. I shouldn’t have let any of this happen. But I do know that today was the first time Sam’s heart rate was below 100 since Cas broke him. And if my presence can ease some of his hurt, I need to at least try. For all of our sakes.

The bedroom shadows shift as I think about what I must do. What I should tell Dean. If Sam would even want me now. It turns into one of the longest nights of my life. And when the sun rises, I think I have the solution. But I’ve worn myself out and I finally fall into a hollowed out sleep.

DEAN

I lay there watching her snore in the yellow light pouring through the ancient curtains. She reeks of guilt and worry and my gut tells me it’s something big. But at the same time I can’t fathom what she could possibly have done to feel so guilty over.

She’s not pregnant, that much I can tell easily enough.

I sit up and fuck with my hair. Stretch out the ache in my back from bending over Baby every which way for the past week and a half. I decide to let her sleep. I really don’t want to start the day with whatever it is that crawled up her ass.

You know what they say about ignoring your problems.

She corners me in the painting shed after lunch.

“We need to do something about Sam,” she says, like she’s planning a hunt, quiet and curt and merciless.

My blood freezes and I turn on my heels. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

She looks at me like I’m an idiot, and okay. But really? Coming for my brother out of left field like that. My shoulders hunch defensively and I grind my teeth.

“He’s getting worse, Dean.”

I look at her, really look at her and I see how much this is taking out of her to tell me. “He’s fine. Everything considered, he’s doing fucking fantastic.”

She steps closer, into my space and my hands find her hips. She wraps her hands around the collar of my coveralls and shakes me a little, just to lighten the mood. She’s staring at me now like the answers are written on the back wall of my skull.

What isn’t she telling me?

“What if I told you that I think I could help him?” Her eyes glaze over like she can no longer see me.

The memory of her sleeping scent floods my senses, I hesitate.

“I think part of the problem is that his body changed from when it had his soul. So when his soul was put back and then the walls put up, they couldn’t sync. He’s not fitting together right. And I know Hell was horrible. We both do. I just think I can help his soul settle into his body, memories or no.”

“What is it? Some sort of ritual?”

Her eyes dart to my neck and then she looks at me like she could cry. “You’re going to have to trust me.”

Every ounce of instinct is telling me this is a bad idea. But this is my Omega. She wouldn’t hurt Sam, not even if there was only a small chance of happening. She’d find a different way. I stare into her eyes and see the desperation and the guilt.

“You’re not gonna get yourselves hurt or anything are you?”

She smiles, wet and earnest. “No, babe. And if everything works out like I hope it does. We’re all gonna be better than ever.”

Tell me what you think?

Tagging: @idreamofdeanie @stoneyggirl2 @delightfullykrispypeach @dolphincliffs @flamencodiva @crashdevlin @dontshootmespence @thoughtslikeaminefield @rockhoochie @dawnie1988 @mrswhozeewhatsis @cosicas-cuquis @foxyjwls007 @tumbler-tidbits @defenderrosetyler @ericaprice2008 @wingedcatninja @akshi8278 @itmighthavebeenintentional @smi727

Read on: Chapter Six: Better to Beg Than Ask

#supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfic #spn abo #tattered #alpha!dean x omega!reader #alpha!sam x omega!reader #truemates #love triangle #abo dynamics #a/b/o dynamics

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bi-bard · 2 years

Text

The Future - Castiel Imagine (Supernatural)

Title: The Future

Pairing: Castiel X Child!Reader (18)

Word Count: 4,168 words

Warning(s): canonical violence, cussing, killing

Summary: (Season 12, Episode 19) The story of Cas and (Y/n) tracking down Kelly Kline, who is now trapped with Dagon.

Author's Note: Hey, there's a scene here that I'm gonna use for a parallel later. Try to figure out which one and remember it. It's very important.

MORE ABOUT THIS OC HERE

Hey! I did a rewrite of the ending of Supernatural. It took a really long time to complete, so it would mean a lot to me if you check it out. Here’s a link! (it’s on my personal account)

-------------------------------

Cas told me that he was working with Heaven almost as soon as I joined forces with him. The plan seemed easy enough. Track down the child with the help of the angels and then he gets welcomed back.

I didn't mind the plan.

He had sacrificed so much for the brothers and me that it felt natural to help him. I wanted to be there to help him.

It scared me less than his next idea when the angels gave him no leads.

When Cas told me that we needed to go back to the bunker, my heart stopped for a second.

I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to see Sam and Dean again. At least, not yet.

"(Y/n)," Cas sighed. "They're our best option. Heaven has given us nothing and we both know that going at this alone won't work."

I looked down at the ground.

"You won't have to talk to them," he offered. "You can give them the cold shoulder all you want. You just have to go."

I looked at him again before finally nodding. He pulled me into a hug, and I relaxed a little bit.

"Thank you."

Now, I found myself walking into the bunker for the first time in weeks. Sam and Dean were in the map room together, looking over a bunch of strange symbols.

"Cas, (Y/n)," Sam stood up from his spot.

"Hello," Cas said.

"You both are alright," he added as Cas and I made it down the stairs.

"Where the hell have you been," Dean asked.

I looked down.

I knew coming back here was going to spark an argument. This was an awful idea.

"And why have you ignored our phone calls," he continued.

"The reception where I was, was... poor," Cas shrugged.

"No bars... No bars. That's his excuse, wow," Dean muttered. "What's your excuse, kid?"

"You should've called."

If Dean wanted to be pissy and cold with me, I would play the same exact game with him. He knew damn well why I had left. I didn't have to explain it again. He made his choice and I made mine.

"You're kidding-"

"No, I'm not," I cut him off. "You didn't call me, Dean. Neither one of you did. Genius choice on your part."

"You didn't call (Y/n)," Sam asked.

I turned to look at Sam, but I didn't get a chance to question him.

"Where the hell were you," Dean asked, turning the attention away from himself.

"I was in heaven," Cas explained. "I was working with the angels. When I saw Dagon had captured Kelly, I thought they could help. (Y/n) knew this and tried to help from Earth."

"And," Sam asked.

"Nothing," he shook his head. I looked down.

"Well, you're back... for now," Sam forced a grin. "We're glad your back."

"Really," Dean looked at his brother.

I can't say that I was stunned that Sam was the one trying to keep the peace. I knew that Dean was more angry than anything else. Sam already seemed to be in a state of guilt.

Sam's fake grin fell.

"No," Dean shook his head. "Okay, 'cause while you were striking out in Heaven, we had a shot at Dagon, and we lost."

"I... received your messages."

"Dagon's a knight of hell," I jumped in. "Y'know, eyes are yellow instead of black. Cas couldn't have stopped her. We've seen him try before and he nearly died. Two more bodies wouldn't have done shit."

"You weren't only ditching us, you two were ignoring us."

"You only called Cas."

"Watch it-"

"No," I snapped. "Are you kidding me? You haven't earned an ounce of my patience. Your first choice was to start blaming us for something that we couldn't have helped with. Nice to know my assumptions about coming back were accurate."

"(Y/n)," I yanked my arm from Cas's hand as he tried to stop me.

"I'm gonna go wait in the car," I muttered. "I... I knew this was a bad idea."

"(Y/n), get your ass back here and talk to me," Dean shouted.

"Once you pull your head out of your ass, maybe I fucking will," I yelled back.

I stormed back out to the truck and curled up in the passenger seat. I didn't want to, but I started crying. Sobbing. I was a kid. A scared, 18-year-old kid. I wanted nothing more than the person I saw as a dad back. And I couldn't have that because he insisted on throwing a wall up between us.

I would've kept my mouth shut. I would've walked in, listened to them, and left. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't listen to Dean act like all Cas and I did was fail.

I looked up when the driver's side of the truck opened.

"Oh no," Cas mumbled when he saw my face. "Dean... Dean was worried. He reacted out of anger-"

"I know."

"He still cares-"

"I know."

"He just wants to know you're safe-"

"Can we just go," I asked. "I don't want to be here right now. I feel like I'm gonna vomit."

We took off again.

"I promised to keep in touch," Cas explained.

I nodded.

I fell asleep soon after. I hadn't been sleeping much in the hopes of finding some kind of alternative plan to killing Kelly. Or just a plan to track her in general.

I just needed to feel useful.

Cas woke me up outside of a run-down house.

"Joshua tracked a celestial pulse to this house," Cas explained. "Kelly's here."

I nodded, "Okay."

I got out of the track and pulled out the angel blade I had been given.

I circled around the back of the house with Cas. He pointed toward a staircase heading to a basement. I nodded, ignoring the TV playing. I hadn't been told that there had been two other angels following behind us.

I climbed down the stairs.

Kelly jumped when she saw me. I quickly pressed a finger to my lips. She nodded. I walked over and checked the chain on her ankle.

"Okay," I muttered. "Normal lock. I can... probably pick it. Are you okay?"

"They saved me," she explained quickly. I furrowed my eyebrows. "My kid. They saved me."

"We'll... discuss that later."

We both jumped at the crashing upstairs. I saw Cas come down the stairs even though there was still fighting upstairs.

I stood up and stepped to the side, thinking that he would do better getting rid of the lock.

Then, I saw the Colt... and Cas cocked it.

"Woah," I stepped between Cas and Kelly. "What the hell, Cas? When did you even grab that?"

"It's the only way," he replied.

"You never mentioned anything about killing," I replied. "When was this even involved in the plan?"

"The whole time."

"What?"

"The angels can't allow the child to be brought into this world," Cas argued. I just stared at him in shock. "I told you I was working with heaven. I didn't lie to you about that."

"No, you just lied to me about their true goal," I snapped. "That's a shit ton better."

Cas clenched his jaw.

"Put the gun down, Cas," I said. "No one is born as pure evil. You have to understand that."

He looked from me to Kelly.

"You know damn well that I am not going to move."

He looked at me again.

I wish I could've seen what was going through his head in that moment. I wanted to know what his pros and cons list looked like. I was forcing him to either hurt- possibly, kill me- or go against heaven's plans yet again.

His arm slowly moved down. I let out a breath.

"Come on," I said. "We have time to get her out of here if we're quick."

We managed to get Kelly into the truck and drive off.

It was awkward and quiet. The truck didn't really have a backseat, so it was cramped on top of all of that.

"Guess you finally caught me," Kelly muttered after a while.

"We're trying to help you," I said. She forced a grin toward me. "You don't deserve to be tortured because of what happened."

"Cas came to kill me," she replied. She looked at him. "But you didn't... thank you."

"Please don't thank me," Cas muttered. "I had a mission and I failed."

"And now?"

"Now, I don't know," he replied. "I'm just trying to put as much distance between you and Dagon as I can."

We didn't stop until we absolutely had to. Which was the next morning.

It was a tiny motel. Off the main road. Should've been safe.

Cas stepped out of the truck to take care of something on the angel radio.

"You said the kid saved you," I said. "So... you believe the kid is good."

Kelly looked down at her stomach with a fond smile, "Yeah. I really do."

A few moments later, Cas got back in the truck.

"What's going on," Kelly asked.

"I was communicating with Joshua," he explained. "He's an angel... I was getting my orders."

"Why should we be listening to heaven," I asked. "I'm sorry but they have screwed us over time and time again-"

"They are the only reason we found Kelly-"

"And nearly made you kill her," I snapped.

"And now, I will take Kelly to Heaven," Cas continued before looking at Kelly. "Your life will end, and your baby's, too-"

"No-"

"(Y/n)-"

"No, we are not killing an innocent child."

"How do you know it'll work," Kelly asked.

"No human form can step through that gate and survive," Cas said. "Your souls will ascend to heaven and every cell of your beings will return to the universe. I am sorry, Kelly. This is the child of Lucifer. A human/archangel hybrid. That power... it's beyond comprehension. Your child could bring the universe to its knees."

"Or lift it to its feet," she argued. "This baby... nothing is born evil."

"I can't take that chance," Cas sighed. "(Y/n)..."

"If Kelly believes that this baby can be taught to be good... I trust her."

He tried to start the truck again. It stalled.

He let out another sigh, "I'll get us a room."

Once we had the room safe and locked down, Cas made sure Kelly sat down on the bed. I went to plug in my phone only to find it missing.

"Cas," I asked as he handed Kelly a glass of water. "Where's my phone?"

"I don't know," he furrowed his eyebrows. "Did you leave it in the truck?"

"No, I thought it was zipped up in this pocket of my bag," I muttered.

"I have no idea," he shook his head.

I didn't quite believe him but shrugged it off. I wanted to trust Cas. I needed to feel like I could trust Cas.

"Something happened to me, Castiel," Kelly spoke up. "I lost hope. I tried to... I killed myself. Slit my wrists."

Cas and I looked at each other for a moment.

"I died," she continued. "And then... my child saved me. Brought me back to life."

"That was the pulse that was tracked," I said.

"We felt that in heaven," Cas nodded.

"My child's power... their soul surged through me... and it was good," she explained. "I know my kid is good."

I sat down next to her.

"Kelly," Cas shook his head as he walked over. "What your child did, that's a testament to their power, but it's not proof of some goodness. They need you alive."

"Maybe," she replied. "Or maybe it was a miracle. Maybe everything I've been through. Everything that I still have to go through... is happening for a reason. Maybe it's part of some plan."

"No, it isn't," Cas sat on the opposite bed. "I used to believe in a plan. That I had some mission. But I have been through enough now to know that everyone is just winging it. Some of us badly. Lucifer... he's just breaking toys. He's sowing destruction and chaos, and there is no grand purpose at work. And there's no special role for you. When Lucifer took over Rooney's body... I'm sorry. You were just there."

She ignored him, "I know my baby can be good for this world."

"Cas," I asked. I nodded toward the bathroom. "Can we talk?"

He stood up and followed me. It was the most private, but it was the best option we had.

"I hope you aren't going to push me to apologize," he said.

"No," I mumbled. "I just... you said there's no great plan... so why follow Heaven's?"

"You don't want to go to the door-"

"Of course, I don't."

"Why are you so adamant on saving this child," Cas asked.

"I... I really don't know," I replied. "Something is just telling me to protect this kid. I... I can't just sit by while we decide their fate without giving an ounce of hope that they could be good."

"Castiel," Kelly called. He walked back over and sat across from her again.

"Kelly," he sighed. "If this child is born... that is not something you can survive. Even if you're right... who will care for them after you're gone? Who? Who is strong enough to protect them and keep them from evil influences and to keep them on the righteous path?"

"We'll figure that out," I said. She smiled at me. I grinned back. She grunted. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, the baby just kicked," she waved me off. She looked at Castiel. "Do you wanna...?"

"No-"

"It's not a big deal," she insisted. "They do this, like, twenty times a day."

She grabbed Cas's hand and pressed his palm to her stomach. I saw a grin creep onto his face as he felt the baby kicking. Kelly's eyes started turning gold a moment later. She gasped.

"Kelly," Cas asked. She shook her head.

There was a knock on the door. I grabbed my angel blade. Cas grabbed the Colt- which only had one bullet in it, but hey, let him live.

He pulled open the door to show Sam and Dean on the other side. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah... that's mine," Dean nodded at the gun.

Dean grabbed Cas and shoved him against the wall. I went over to Kelly, reaching out a hand to her and forcing a grin.

"Dean," Sam interrupts Dean's lecture to Cas.

"What," Dean asked.

"Dean!"

They were both looking over at me and Kelly. As they stepped forward, I held up the angel blade. Sam held his hands up. I slowly lowered the weapon when no one made a move. Kelly let go of my hand and stepped forward.

"How did you find us," Cas asked.

"Well, while you were scamming me for the Colt, Sam put a tracking app on your phone," Dean explained. "We used that when we couldn't track (Y/n)'s."

"Mine got stolen," I said. "Probably by whatever bitchass angel met us at Dagon's hiding spot."

"You two wanna explain what's going on here," Sam looked between us. "Is Dagon dead?"

"No," Cas sighed.

They scoffed.

"Hey, you two had the same weapon and couldn't do it either," I snapped.

"What are we doing here then?"

"My truck broke down," Cas admitted quietly.

"Why didn't you call us then," Sam said. "We could've helped you."

"I know," Cas replied. "I wanted to keep you out of this. I wanted to keep you safe."

"You're not a babysitter, Cas, okay," Dean sassed. "That is not your job. And when in our whole lives have we ever been safe?"

"This is my responsibility because it is my plan."

"And you dragged (Y/n) into."

"Check the high-horse, Dean," I said. He looked at me. "Don't act like you don't know."

"What plan," Sam asked.

"Cas is taking me to Heaven," Kelly explained. I closed my eyes and tilted my head down.

"You're taking her to the sandbox," Dean looked at Cas.

"Yes," he replied. "I'm ending this, once and for all. Kelly and her baby have to die."

"No, they don't," Sam jumped in. "Listen, we found another way."

"You'd know that if you answered your phone," Dean snarked.

"What are you talking about," Cas asked.

"Remember when we tried to extract Gadreel's grace from (Y/n) for a tracking spell," Sam explained. I scrunched up my face; hell yeah.

"What," Kelly whispered.

"I was possessed by an angel when I was 15," I mumbled.

"15?"

Sam ignored us, "We take the grace from the baby Nephilim and then the baby just becomes-"

"Human," Cas finished the thought. "That extraction nearly killed (Y/n)."

"But it didn't-"

"Because I stopped it," Cas snapped. "We don't even know if this would work."

"There are kinks, yes, but it's a plan," Dean said. "And it beats the hell out of certain death. Am I right?"

"No," Kelly said, going to storm out.

"What," I asked, following her.

Sam was right behind me, "Kelly, I can't imagine what you've gone through, but we promised we'd find another way, and we did. This is a better way. This could work."

"I'm going with Castiel."

"Kelly," I stepped in front of her, walking backward as I did. "This might be a way to save you and your baby."

"But my child losses what makes them special," she replied.

"How does that matter if both of you are dead," Sam asked.

"That's all that matters," she said.

"This girl has lost her mind," Dean argued.

"Hey, Dean," Cas told him off.

"Can we take this conversation elsewhere," Sam begged. "We're sitting ducks out here."

"Sam's right," Dean nodded. "Dagon's still out there. Your truck is broken down. Let's get in the impala, go back to the bunker, and we'll talk. Figure it out."

"Right," Sam agreed.

I looked at Cas. He grabbed Kelly's arm and started walking to the car. I followed the two of them.

Wanna know a bad choice?

Put the angry pregnant woman in the front seat with the keys sitting next to her while Cas and I sat in the back.

Why was that a bad choice?

Because once Cas and I were settled, Kelly slowly reached over, snagged the car key, and stole the impala.

We screeched out of the parking lot, and she sped off quickly. She paid no mind to Sam and Dean yelling at her.

"Kelly, what the hell are you doing," I asked.

"It's not supposed to happen this way," she explained. "I'm going to Heaven. The... sandbox, if you tell me how to get there."

"I can make you stop this car," Cas threatened.

"Why haven't you," she asked.

"Why are you doing this," Cas pushed.

"My child chose you, Castiel," she said. "When you put your hand on my stomach, I heard them. They spoke to me. They told me that even if it's scary, if I just went to the gate, if I followed your plan, that you would make sure they were born. You and (Y/n)."

Always nice to be included.

I looked at Cas, searching for some kind of reaction.

"Sam and Dean want to take away my kid's powers because they're scared," she continued. "I'm not."

"Kelly-"

She cut Cas off, "You asked me who would protect them; guide them when I'm gone. I know now. It's you."

"Me? That's... I... I am not someone that you should put your faith in, Kelly."

"(Y/n) will be there too," Kelly reminded him. "They're... They're linked."

I didn't get a chance to question that.

"I couldn't kill Dagon back there," Cas tried to push that he shouldn't be trusted. "I lost two of my men. I've betrayed my friends... my family."

"Before all of this happened, I was a cut-rate political flack," she continued, "in an embarrassingly unprofessional relationship with my boss. I don't know why it's me. I don't know why it's you two. But I know that we're destined for something here. Something great."

"I wish I had your faith," Cas muttered.

"You will," she replied.

We got to the sandbox by nightfall.

As we walked up to the gate, I felt a growing pit in my stomach. This entire plan made me sick, but there was something else. Something else was here that wasn't supposed to be.

"We can still go back," I offered. "You don't have to do this."

"I know you don't approve," Kelly grabbed my hand. "But this is the best choice. I need you to trust me on this."

I shook my head, "No."

She sighed, "Thank you. For all that you've done. You're far too young to have had to deal with any of this."

I stepped back as she and Cas got ready to go. The symbol started glowing as Joshua appeared in front of us.

He attempted to reassure Kelly but didn't get much of a chance before he exploded in front of us. Dagon appeared behind him. Cas pulled Kelly back. I stepped forward to stand by them.

When Dagon went to move toward Kelly, Cas stepped in front of us.

"Stay away from her," Cas snapped.

"What, no Colt," Dagon asked. "Wait... you don't even have it anymore? Hilarious."

Cas went to stab her, but she caught his arm effectively disarming him before taking a few swings at him.

I grabbed my blade and tried to help, but she grabbed me quickly, slamming my back down on the ground. Her foot rested on my chest as I tried to get my breath back.

"What a dumb kid," she said. "Look at you... about to die for a woman you've barely just met. Your dads would be so disappointed."

I used my blade to slash her leg, giving myself the opportunity to stand and run to Kelly.

She kept hitting Cas. As she tried to strangle him, the truck pulled up. Sam got out and started to shoot. Dagon dropped Cas's body before turning to face Sam. Kelly grabbed my arm, pulling me back a few steps.

Cas slowly stood as she attacked Sam and Dean, managing to get the Colt from Dean's hand.

"Yeah," she said. "Time to take this off the board."

She burned the gun in her hand.

"Who wants ice cream," she joked.

Cas made his way to us, telling Kelly to run. She shook her head and grabbed his hand. I stood next to them. I wasn't going to run. Not when both of them were willing to stand against her.

"Aw, adorbs," Dagon pretended to gush.

I looked over when I heard a power surge. Cas's veins slowly started to glow yellow; starting in his hand and moving toward his face.

When Dagon went to attack, he just grabbed his wrist. I took a step back just as she burned in front of us.

As the power faded from Cas's face, we all just looked at each other. Sam and Dean slowly walked over.

"Cas," Dean asked.

"What was that," Sam asked.

"It... It was me," Cas answered. "But it was also..."

He nodded down at the child.

He healed Dean's broken arm.

"Thank you for coming to fight for us," Cas thanked the brothers.

"Are you okay," Dean furrowed his eyebrows.

Cas nodded, "I am. I've been so lost. I'm not lost anymore. And I know now that this child must be born."

I bit back my grin.

"With all of their power."

Grin dropped just a bit. That would kill Kelly too.

"You can't mean that," Sam said.

"Yes, I do," Cas nodded. "I have faith."

Kelly grinned at me. I grabbed her hand. If this is what she wanted, I needed to respect that. No matter how much I wanted her to change her mind.

I followed Cas and Kelly toward the truck.

"Cas, wait a second," Sam stopped us. "What's going on?"

"You'll just have to trust me," Cas said.

"No, no, no, wait," Dean shook his head. "Okay, whatever that thing did to you, we're not just gonna let you walk away."

"Not gonna happen."

"Yes, it is."

He touched their foreheads and the brothers fell.

He went to touch mine and I jumped back.

"I am going with you," I said. "I... I need to go with you. I can't... I can't stay with them, Cas. Not right now."

Cas let out a sigh before nodding.

"Thank you," I nodded once before heading toward the truck.

We loaded into the single row of seats again. There was a pause.

"What did they tell you," Kelly asked, referring to whatever Cas saw when defeating Dagon.

"They didn't tell me anything... they showed me," he replied. "The future."

All I could do was hope. Please, let us be right about this. Let this risk be worth it. Please, just... let this work out for the better.

Please let this "future" be worth every ounce of turmoil in the present.

-------------------------------

Author's Note: I struggled with this one. I have to keep reminding myself that teenagers are impulsive as shit and make dumb choices no matter what. Not every action needs to be logical. I'm trying to make a human character, not a perfect one.

-------------------------------

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charlie-minion · 4 years

Text

Could the same SPN finale make a little more sense with some additions/changes?

I’ve had the idea for this post stuck in my head for days now, but with every new conspiracy theory and every new eventuality in the fandom, it became difficult to cool down enough to write something less ship-related and more narrative-focused.

What Supernatural and non-SPN fans have to understand is that a lot of us have expressed disappointment and frustration after 15x20, not because of Destiel (that’s just one part of the whole problem), but because the finale doesn’t make sense. Everything was leading up to something beautifully crafted until the end of 15x19. Beyond that, it’s hard to understand what happened. The story rendered all the character growth irrelevant, invalidated the themes of free will and “family don’t end in blood”, regressed to the original brother codependency they spent 15 years trying to overcome, made a queer non-binary character in a male vessel and a deaf female character basically disposable, and kept the show’s reputation of queerbaiting and misogyny until its very last breath.

That’s not going out with a bang! At least not a positive one. We all were ready to mourn Supernatural, but we wanted to feel proud of its legacy, and somehow TPTB managed to tarnish that legacy in less than 45 minutes. What a way to ruin the other more than 13,600 minutes of story!

It doesn’t matter who is to blame (The CW, Robert Singer, Andrew Dabb). It doesn’t matter why it happened (homophobia, censorship, marketing for Walker, bad writing). What matters is that at the end of the day, the finale that aired is what we got and that’s going to hurt for a long time. It hurts even more when we realize that the same finale could have easily made more sense, even without being perfect.

That’s what I want to do in this post. I want to show you how things would have been less jarring (for the fandom), while still keeping the goal to please the general audience.

Before I begin rewriting 15x20, I have to mention that I talked to my conservative boomer sister about the finale. She hasn’t watched the second half of season 15 yet (she’s waiting for Netflix to have it), but she’s been watching the show for a long time (she introduced me to it 8 years ago). She’s the perfect example of a viewer from the general audience. Loves the show but doesn’t give a second thought to it and definitely isn’t paying attention to character development or themes. Doesn’t engage with fandom, actors, or any of the show’s social media. Pure GA! When I told her the series finale had aired, she asked me about it and I refused to give her spoilers. Because of that, she told me the ending SHE wanted. She said she would be happy with either of two possibilities: the boys retiring and finally living a normal life OR they going to heaven and finding peace at last. She saw Sam and Dean as a unit, which means: both retiring or both going to heaven. AND she saw Cas as part of that, too. She wasn’t so sure about Jack. And for her, we could use the “Eileen who?” and it wouldn’t be a joke. She didn’t remember her.

NOW IT’S TIME TO WRITE A NEW VERSION OF 15X20 (KEEPING 15X18 AND 15X19 EXACTLY THE SAME AS THEY AIRED). This will be a very long post:

The opening remains almost the same. No “Carry on my wayward son” to induce feels. Too soon and too predictable! (Reasoning: Everyone was expecting it to play right there, so it would bring more tears at the end)

In the opening, after the scene where Jack says “People won’t need to pray to me or sacrifice to me”, we also see the scene from 15x19 where he says “I won’t be hands on”. Then we see the rest of the opening as it was. (Reasoning: People needed to be reminded that Jack would NOT intervene and that’s why later on, he would NOT save Dean).

We get the same montage, but when Sam takes a break from his morning run, we see him reading a message on his phone. A simple: “Hey Sam, what’s new?” from Eileen. Sam smiles fondly and begins to type a response we don’t get to see. The next scene continues the same, Sam making breakfast. (Reasoning: A text was a very simple way to show that Eileen was alive and still in communication with Sam).

The montage slowly ends as Sam enters the library (not after he sits down). He seems to be talking on the phone but we only hear an “I’ll tell him. Bye”. As he walks towards the table, he tells Dean: “Charlie says hi. Mentioned something about Stevie’s perfect scrambled eggs we have to try.” Dean’s answer is “Awesome!” (Reasoning: Just ONE line was needed to unbury Charlie and her girlfriend. ONE LINE).

Sam sits down, opens his laptop and everything continues the same. The title card shows for the last time.

YOU SEE? In the first 4 minutes they could have acknowledged that THREE WOMEN were alive and safe: Eileen, Charlie and Stevie. It wasn’t hard! Don’t blame bad writing on Covid! Now let’s continue.

Sam and Dean arrive at the Pie Fest just the same. Dean goes to get some “damn pie” and Sam takes out his phone. He dials and when someone picks up, he says “Hey, Jody, how are ya?” We don’t hear the rest of the conversation. The scene moves to Dean coming with his 6 portions of pie. Dean sits down and Sam tells him, “Talked to Jody. The other hunters haven’t had much work lately.” “That’s good, isn’t it?”, Dean says. All we get from Sam is “Yeah.” So, Dean looks at him and asks “what’s wrong?” like it happened in the episode. (Reasoning: Again, a couple of lines to make sure the people that were killed in 15x18 are safe and remembered by the boys in 15x20. Why is this important? Because they’re family!)

The conversation about Sam’s sad face happens the same. Sam is the one that mentions Cas and Jack. (Reasoning: Because this episode was so Sam-centered, it’s obvious he was the protagonist in the finale. If we see him communicating with Eileen, Charlie, and Jody, then it’s NORMAL, even expected of him to be the one to bring up Cas and Jack). Without these additions, it’s harder for people to understand that most of the finale was NOT from Dean’s POV but from Sam’s.

Dean’s “if we don’t keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing” stays the same. (Reasoning: I believe it’s necessary that the show sticks to the importance of “letting go” and “what is dead should stay dead” for the first time ever because the message is “even when you lose someone you love, you can still find some form of happiness and keep living, for you and for them, because that’s what they would have wanted”. Bringing someone back means “I can’t live without you”, and that’s just more codependency. It’s how the demon deals began in the Winchester family –Mary being the first one to do it. This would explain why Dean didn’t ask Jack to bring Cas back, as he asked Chuck. He understood Jack was NOT going to interfere anymore and accepted it. Besides, when Cas saved Dean from hell, Dean thought he didn’t deserve to be saved. This time that Cas saved him, Dean finally feels worthy enough to accept that YES, HE DESERVED TO BE SAVED ALL ALONG, just as much as he deserved to be loved by that angel of the Lord. In this scene, Dean also says that the pain is not gonna go away, which means that from HIS PERPECTIVE, it still hurts that Cas is not there. The problem is that the finale is not showing his POV but Sam’s.

Sam pies Dean on the face just the same. (Reasoning: That part was just to avoid ending the scene on a sad note).

Everything related to the case happens exactly the same. (Reasoning: At this point, people don’t really care about the MoTW, they care about Sam and Dean).

NOTE 1: The case is important to show that even when the Winchesters are finally free of Chuck’s influence, they CHOOSE to keep hunting. It isn’t something they do out of revenge or because it is their destiny anymore. Maybe they were forced into the life at first, but they’ve learned to find joy in saving people. Being hunters is who they are. However, the fact that a job application was shown on Dean’s desk is also important because it means he was willing to explore what else was there for him besides hunting. Maybe he could find a balance? Maybe he was thinking it was time to quit? We will never know! The thing is that Sam only finds out about it when he goes into Dean’s room after his brother is dead, so maybe that’s when it hits him that Dean wanted to explore his options, and Sam starts to think it’s time for him to do the same.

NOTE 2: I believe the masks the vampires are wearing is something we can blame on covid. If they had their faces covered, it was easier to use people from the SPN crew for some scenes, instead of using more actors unnecessarily.

NOTE 3: When Sam and Dean arrive at the barn, we get 3 visuals to remember Cas in the same scene (those are for the fandom, not for the general audience): a) the barn, obviously; b) the bag that resembles Cas’ trenchcoat so much that many people thought that’s what it was; and c) two feathers hanging on Dean’s right when he opens the trunk.

The scene with the throwing star happens the same. (Reasoning: The episode is still told from Sam’s point of view, so it makes sense that he fondly sees his brother as a man child).

Jenny the vampire? Uhhh… I mean, it’s not the best piece of writing I’ve ever seen, but it’s not the worst, so okay. That stays the same. (Reasoning: There is none, but she’s not what really ruined the finale, so whatever!)

Dean still dies impaled on a rebar. (Reasoning: OK. HERE ME OUT!!! I hate as much as everyone else that Dean is killed. I think it’s lazy writing, but that’s what we got and I can’t change that in this re-write, so if killing Dean is what we have to work around, then, memes aside, death by rebar is better and here’s why. There’s no one to blame for Dean’s death: no Chuck (the boys were willingly hunting even after Chuck was defeated), no vampires (they were all killed and were no real threat, so it was impossible for Sam to begin a quest for revenge against all vampires. What was Sam going to blame? A rebar? Can you kill it? Hunt it? NO. It was an ordinary death, a stupid accident. Just like any person can die at any moment by slipping on a banana peel. Is it a good death? No, but it’s good to know he doesn’t die trying to save Sam or Cas, because Dean Winchester is NOT willing to give up his life in exchange for anyone else’s anymore.

Sam takes out his phone and says he’ll call for help, but his phone is more visible to the audience. He dials and it’s almost to his ear when Dean stops him and Sam hesitantly hangs up. (Reasoning: People have complained that Sam didn’t call an ambulance, but actually he tried to. It’s just that people missed that part, maybe?)

After Sam puts his phone back in his pocket and says “OK” to Dean, he adds, “I’ll pray to Jack”. Dean’s immediate answer is: “No hands on, remember?” “But Dean”, Sam says, and Dean interrupts him with “OK listen to me” and tells Sam what to do with the kids they rescued. (Reasoning: Jack is God now and how come Sam didn’t remember? The viewers remembered, so it was necessary to include a line that ruled the option out and that showed Dean didn’t want Jack to intervene. The rest was fine).

The lines “You knew it was always gonna end like this for me. It was supposed to end like this, right?” disappear completely from Dean’s monologue. (Reasoning: This is the most problematic part of Dean’s dying speech. He fought God and earned free will, he is no longer controlled by fate or destiny. Accepting that he is supposed to die on a hunt regresses his character development and denies his desire to keep living. This was a total mistake and should be removed).

Instead, if going to heaven is the ending TPTB wanted to give Dean, at least he should say something more empowering. Sam tells him that both of them are going to take the kids somewhere safe. Dean answers and the scene follows like this: “No. Sammy, we made our choice, didn’t we?”, he smiles with difficulty. “We were free to write our own story and we did. We decided to keep saving people, hunting things. Because it’s what we love despite the risks.” (Reasoning: If Dean’s going to die it doesn’t have to feel like it was always meant to be that way. He should die knowing that he exerted his free will until his last breath).

The rest of the dialogue between Sam and Dean happens almost the same. Except that instead of Dean saying “‘cause when it all came down to it, it was always you and me. It’s always been you and me”, he says “’cause when it all came down to it, we’ve always had each other’s backs. Always.” And instead of Sam saying “Don’t leave me”, he says “I still can try to save you.” (Reasoning: It sounds way less codependent without diminishing the importance of their love and support for each other).

Besides, let’s change Dean’s “I’m not leaving you” for “You don’t have to be alone. You’ve still got family.” The rest stays the same word by word. (Reasoning: Dean reminds Sam that “family don’t end in blood” and there are still lots of people out there who love Sam and will be with him).

“I love you so much, my baby brother” stays exactly the same. (Reasoning: Dean always had trouble to express the big L word. I always believed and said many times that before Dean could say “I love you” to Cas or any other character, he had to say it to Sam. So, this is important as part of Dean speaking his truth).

The last part when Dean insists Sam tell him that it’s okay stays the same. (Reasoning: It’s the final moment when the codependency cycle breaks. No more running in circles).

The forehead touch between them stays the same. (Reasoning: I think I would do something similar if my sister were dying. I know there are w*ncest shippers out there, but it shouldn’t matter because the moment feels appropriate for that kind of goodbye).

See? There are changes but not too many. That’s why I’ve been saying that it was easier to get it right, yet they still managed to screw it up.

The second montage stays the same. (Reasoning: Life goes on, but of course Sam has to mourn).

The call about a case in Austin remains the same. (Reasoning: It’s the only part of the episode where someone from the found family is mentioned, so I think that Donna’s name is perfect in that moment. However, without the other additions I’ve made in this re-write, that off-hand mention feels too little. Its purpose was to tell the viewers that if Donna was alive, so were the others, but the way the episode was executed gave us an isolated Sam, incapable of having friends and a family without Dean).

After 30 minutes of Sam’s POV, let’s finally see the last bit of Dean’s POV that we’ll ever get.

Dean arrives in Heaven and Bobby receives him. All their conversation stays almost the same, except that after mentioning Rufus and before saying “and your mom and dad…”, Bobby adds an “Ellen and Jo let me borrow their place”. (Reasoning: If you’re gonna put the man outside the Harvelle’s place, at least mention them for Jack’s sake!).

Besides, after Bobby tells Dean that Sam will be along and that time in heaven is different, Dean gives a small smile and says, “Well, there’s no rush. I want him to have a long, happy life.” Bobby answers with: “I would expect nothing less from you, boy” and tells him he got everything he could ever want, etc., just like it happened in the episode, and finishes by asking “What are you gonna do now, Dean?” (Reasoning: It’s important we know for sure that Dean is NOT codependent anymore and that he doesn’t expect to have a miserable afterlife just because his brother is not there yet).

Instead of saying “I think I’ll go for a drive” Dean says, “I think I know what I want” and walks towards baby. Bobby still tells him to have fun. (Reasoning: “Know what I want” is ambiguous enough to help us introduce the last piece of the puzzle, the one thing Dean’s wanted for many seasons and has never been able to express).

The biggest change is coming:

Dean gets on the Impala and has a moment of silence while he contemplates the wheel. He begins to pray: “Hey, Cas, you got your ears on? I hear you’ve been busy working on this updated Heaven with Jack. You were right about him, Cas. You had faith in him and he saved us all. You could always see the best in everyone, even when they couldn’t see it themselves. Even when I couldn’t see it myself. There’s so much I want to tell you. Maybe you can visit sometime. I hope prayer’s still a thing up here.” (Reasoning: Dean’s side of the confession was unaddressed and that was terrible writing. If there was no way to get him to speak his truth textually, at least take him as close to it as possible).

We listen to a flutter of wings and a “Hello, Dean” from the back seat. We don’t see Cas, but the camera shows us Dean’s cocky smile and he says “Took you long enough.” He turns around slowly. End of scene. (Reasoning: The flutter of wings confirms that angels have their wings back and ties that loose end. The final “hello, Dean” was highly anticipated and it made sense. If Misha couldn’t be there to film, for whatever reason, or if the problem was the kind of conversation Dean and Cas would have, then don’t show it, but leave the door open. Let us know that the two characters were reunited and will talk, but whatever Dean has to say is so private that it’s not for us to hear, only for Cas.

We finally hear “Carry on my wayward son” and get a montage that begins with Sam playing with his kid. Then we see Dean driving, super happy, and Sam living his life to the fullest. We still get Sam’s Blurry Wife, BUT… we see pictures of Eileen in the living room (not just of John, Mary, Sam, and Dean). We also see photos of Jody, Donna, Charlie, and AU!Bobby. (Reasoning: FAMILY DON’T END IN BLOOD).

The scene where Sam is wearing the party wig and looks miserable inside the Impala is cut and nobody talks about it ever again because it never existed. We get a scene of Sam teaching his son how to fix the car instead. (Reasoning: First of all, don’t give Sam a life where years later he’s still in pain. Second of all, the fucking wig was a crime).

Sam’s dying scene stays the same. The only thing is that his son signs a couple of phrases to him before actually speaking. (Reasoning: More confirmation that Dean Jr. is Eileen’s son).

We hear the final “Evanescence-like Carry on my wayward son”. Again we see the photos and there’s family other than the Winchesters there. (Reasoning: Obvious at this point).

The rest is exactly the same. The show began with two brothers and it’s okay if the last scene is with the two brothers reunited in Heaven. At this point, the other parts of the story are acceptable enough for us to feel happy that they get to see each other again after years of a happy (after)life.

Now look me in the eye and tell me this was too hard to execute. I still think that bad writing is a thing we can’t deny here, adding to the possible meddling of the Network. Maybe Dabb wanted us to hate the finale because he couldn’t get away with what he truly wanted. If that was his intention, then kudos to him. He and The CW really gave us a finale that only 30% of the fandom liked.

I hope you guys have enjoyed this and it helps to give you some peace of mind. In my heart, this was the finale we got. It wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t drop the ball either.

#supernatural #15x20 #spn 15x20 #spn finale #rewrite #dean winchester #dean deserved better #cas deserved better #destiel #the characters deserved better #we deserved better #it was easier to get it right #yet they screwed up big time #alternate ending

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rowyn-writes · 3 years

Text

A Mother's Love Part Two

Warnings: Pregnancy, fluff, major angst, implications of depression

Pairings: Dean x Wife!Reader

Characters: Dean, Jack, Sam, Reader, Cas (Mentioned only)

Word count: 3k

You sat on the couch of your childhood home, staring blankly at the T.V. Your knees were pulled up to your chin as you had your arms wrapped around your legs. It had been three weeks since you left the bunker, and you felt empty inside.

Your mother sat beside you, a cup of tea and honey in her hand and a concerned look on her face. "Darling, you have to eat something. I know you haven't been feeling well, but you still need to stay healthy." You didn't respond to her as she set the cup of tea in your hands.

Everything felt numb. It was like you didn't feel any emotions at all. The world felt dull. Like all color had been stripped and it left you in darkness.

"Sweetheart, what happened?" She asked softly. Even though you had been with your parents for almost a month now, you had never fully discussed what happened with Dean.

"Mom, please-"

"No, Y/N." She put her foot down. "You call me one day, clearly upset saying that you and Jack were going to stay here for a while. You get here and you don't look like the daughter that I knew. You've changed."

You scoffed at your mother's words. "I'm getting a divorce, of course I've changed."

She sucked in a breath of air. "Y/N. What happened?" You gave your mother a brief rundown of what happened with you, Dean and Jack. "Oh, honey." She sympathized. "I am so sorry. You know that you and Jack are welcomed to stay as long as you like. I know your father is excited to have a grandchild."

Your heart skipped a beat as you looked up to your mother. "What?"

"Jack, of course." She explained. "Look at them. Your dad's so happy. It's about time you give us a grandson."

"Lord knows you couldn't count on Chris for that." You rolled your eyes. "He can't keep a girl to save his life." Your smile began to fade slightly as your stomach did flips. Your mom noticed your green complexion and ran to grab a trash can. It was nearly too late as you felt your dinner from last night coming back up. She held your hair back as you did so, calling for your dad to get a wet washcloth.

You felt a cold cloth across your forehead, cooling your body. "Mom!" Jack said worriedly. "Are you okay?.

"She's okay, kiddo." Your dad assured him. "She's just not feeling too well." He mumbled skeptically.

You sat back against the couch, holding the rag to your head. "Jack," Your mom called. "Why don't you and I go make some cookies?"

Jack smiled at the idea, looking to you for approval. "You don't have to ask me, sweetheart. Go have fun."

You mother dipped down to whisper something unintelligible in your dad's ear before going to the kitchen.

"Y/N," He shook his head. "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"Because I don't want it to be real." You muttered. "I don't want to think about the last thing that Dean said to me or the look on his face. I want to wake up and for this whole thing to be a dream. But I know it's not. I won't wake up next to him tomorrow and I don't get to tell him how much I love him." You chocked on a sob, covering you mouth with your hand so Jack wouldn't hear.

"Oh, my sweet girl." Your dad said softly, pulling you into his side. "I am so sorry, my darlin'." You rested your head on his shoulder as tears slipped down your cheeks. "That's not it, though. Is it? There's something else."

"Papa, I think I'm pregnant." You confessed. "I'm late and I've been sick all week."

"Have you taken a test yet?" He asked. You shook your head. "Okay, I'll tell you what. I'll go by the drug store and get a couple of tests, just to be sure, and I'll grab you some food on the way home. How does that sound?"

"Great." You said with a small smile. He kissed the top of your head before grabbing the keys and heading out of the house.

---

Five.

Five tests that had come back positive. Each one that you looked at made your heart sink more and more. "Oh god." You whimpered. "Damnit."

"What does it say, sweetie?" Your mother questioned from the other side of the door. You slowly opened it up and showed her the positive pregnancy test.

"Are they all positive?" You nodded.

"What am I gonna do?"

"I think you should call Dean-"

"No." You said firmly. "I'm not calling Dean. He made it very obvious that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore."

"Y/N," Your mother spoke firmly. "I'm not justifying what Dean said or did in the moment, however, he was just as hurt as you were because you were leaving with Jack and you didn't know how long you would be gone. I really think you should call him. I think he would want to know you're pregnant with his baby."

You sighed at her words. You knew she had a point. She was your mother, she's always right. "What if he doesn't care?" You whispered. "What if he hears my voice and hands up on me?"

"Then that's his loss, honey." She cooed. "The least you can do is try."

---

MEANWHILE, AT THE BUNKER;

"Dean." Sam shook his brother. "Dean. C'mon dude, wake up."

Dean groaned as his eyes peeled open. "What?" He grumbled.

"You've been sleeping in here all night." Sam said, crossing his arms. "You should probably get some rest in your own bed, or at the very least, the couch. And charge your phone while you're at it, it's dead."

Dean stretched add he looked at the empty whiskey bottle set on the table and the picture of your wedding day beside it. It had been a rough few weeks since you had left. "You know I can't go sleep in that damn bed." He growled.

"Dean, I offered to switch rooms with you-"

"I don't want to switch rooms!" He snapped. "I want my wife back."

Sam frowned as he looked at his brother. He looked awful. He hasn't shaven in weeks, his hair's a mess, and there were dark circles under his eyes.

"Why don't you call her, Dean?"

"Because, after what I said, she'll never take me back. I was too harsh on her. Plus my phone is broken."

"One, you have ten phones, and two, yeah, you were a complete ass." Sam agreed. "You should have seen her when she left here. I had never seen anyone so. . . Broken before. You know they sparkle she had in her eyes?" Dean nodded. "It was gone. Her entire face seemed dull, almost like she had aged ten years."

Dean put his head in his hands, feeling defeated. "What have I done?"

"I don't know, but you had better make it right."

---

"Still no answer?" Your father asked. You had called Dean three times now and still no answer.

"Nope. Not a sound."

"I'm sorry honey," Your mother sympathized, rubbing your back. It's that anything we can do?"

"Yeah," You nodded. "I need space. I need to spend more time with Jack before the baby comes. I just want to know what it's like to be a mother."

"Of course." Your dad agreed. "Take the keys to the cabin in Colorado. I know that's a lot of good memories there and no pesky neighbors to worry about "

"Thanks, dad." You smiled. "We'll be outta here soon."

"You don't have to leave in a rush, kiddo. You know that we love having you here."

"I know."

---

"Why are we going to your parents cabin in Colorado?" Jack asked curiously as he peered out the window.

"Uh," You bit your lip as you tried to come up with a suitable lie to tell Jack. You hated how much you were lying to Jack lately, but you knew that he wouldn't understand the things that you were going through. "I just wanted to show you the place and stay up there for a little while. It's nice and quiet, you'll love it. It's cold up there and it's snowy in the winter. I used to go sledding all the time when I was younger and then my parents would call me in for hot chocolate and a movie. We can do that together. How does that sound, Jack?"

"It sounds great, Mom!" He smiled goofily. Every time he called you 'Mom,' your heart melted. You loved that Jack felt so comfortable around you to call you his mother. You knew that you would never be able to replace Kelly, and you would never want to, but you did want to make him feel safe and loved. You wanted Jack to know what a mother's love feels like. Jack blamed himself for the death of his mother, and you understood his grief, but you had told him time and time again that it wasn't his fault. Kelly wanted to go through with the pregnancy and refused to listen to anyone else's opinions on the matter. You just wished he understood that.

You felt a tear roll down your cheek, quickly wiping it away. "What's wrong, Mom?" Jack questioned. "Is it about Dean?"

You glanced over at Jack in surprise. "Why would you say that?"

"Well, Sam and Dean aren't here, and Dean hasn't called you to check up on you since we left. I know that whenever you go on a hunt by yourself, Dean calls you everyday to make sure you're okay."

You sighed heavily as you looked at the road in front of you. "Dean and I are. . . Going through a tough time right now. That's why I wanted to get away for a while. And I didn't want to go by myself, so that's why I wanted you to come with me."

"Are we ever going back to the bunker?"

"I don't know. . . It's a difficult situation, Jack. Right now, I don't think that I will be going back home anytime soon. But if you want to go back, I'll take you back. I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do."

"I want to stay with you." He said firmly. "But I also want you to be happy. You don't look happy anymore. You don't smile or laugh the way you used to. You sit on the couch watching reruns of Friends, and I've heard you crying at night. Sometimes I think you forget that I don't sleep very much."

You said nothing in response, knowing that Jack was right. You wanted to call Dean one more time, but you knew it was fruitless. He wasn't going to answer. But you did have Sam. When you finally arrived at the cabin, you sent Jack to unpack while you dialed Sam's number. After three rings, he finally picked up.

"Hello, Y/N? Are you okay? How's Jack?" He asked in one breath.

"Hey, Sammy. I'm fine, and so is Jack. I just wanted to call and make sure that you haven't gotten killed by anything."

"Nope, we're still alive." He gave a small chuckle. "How are you, Y/N, really? Don't lie to me, because I know when you're lying."

"I miss him." You sniffed. "Being away from him hurts me." Your voice cracked, forcing you to clear your throat. "We've been married for five years. And I know that to the average person that doesn't seem like a long time, but we're hunters, Sam. You know how hard it is to stay in a relationship in our line of work. I've been in love with him for half my life, and now, for us to be in this situation, it sucks, Sam. I can't think of any other word to describe it. It really fucking sucks."

Sam was quiet for a moment as he listened to you cry. "I'm sorry this is happening, Y/N. I never thought that this would happen to you and Dean. But I've known Dean my whole life, and I've known you since we were twenty, so I think that I'm entitled to make a judgement on this." You let out a small laugh. "You two have been in love longer than you've been together, but both of you have been to dumb to realize it. You argue like cats and dogs because you're so certain about what you believe in. You're both so passionate about things that you never let up. And now that you're finally together, you have been so happy. Dean has never felt this way about anyone that he's been with, male or female. He loves you so much, Y/N, that it kills him. You have both come too far to for things to end like this. I'm going to tell you the exact same thing I told Dean; fix this."

"I want to, Sammy, I just don't know how."

"Stop hiding, for one. You can't fix something when you're hundreds of miles away." You groaned as you felt a wave of nausea was over you. "Y/N?" You quickly made your way to the bathroom. "Y/N? What's going on? Are you okay?"

You leaned against the wall once you were done throwing up. "Yeah, yeah, Sam, I'm okay."

"What was that about, then?" Sam questioned. When you didn't answer, he began putting the pieces together himself. "You're pregnant."

"SHH!" You hissed. "Don't say that!"

"Why not? Because you don't want Dean to know?" He spoke coldly.

"Sam, please, don't say anything."

"How long have you known, Y/N? And how long do you plan on keeping this from Dean?"

You sighed as you pinched the bridge of your nose. "I've known for a couple of days, okay? And I don't know when or how I'm going to tell Dean. He made it very clear that he didn't want anything to do with me the last time we talked. Besides, I tried to call him and he didn't answer my calls, so don't try to pin me off as the bad guy here."

"When did you try to call him?" The hard edge in Sam's voice disappeared.

"Three days ago, when I found out I was pregnant."

You could hear Sam let out a small laugh. "Three days ago I came in the kitchen to find Dean passed out on the table, hung over as hell and holding on to the picture of your wedding day. And beside him was his broken phone. His main phone, which I'm assuming is the one that you called?"

"Yeah. . ." You said meekly.

"Hang up and call his second phone. Please, will you do that for me?"

"Yes," You nodded, even though you knew he couldn't see you.

"I love you, Y/N/N."

"I love you too, Sammy." You sighed as you hung up the phone. You were terrified to call Dean. You hadn't spoken to him since that night all those weeks ago. You were still hurt, and you knew that Dean was hurting as well, and all you wanted was to hear his voice. You took a deep breath as you dialed his second phone number.

It rang five times before going to voicemail, making your heart sink. Not a minute later, the number called back. "Hello?"

"Y/N." Dean's voice said gruffly. "Sam told me you were going to call."

"Did. . . Did he tell you anything else?" You asked.

"Just that I needed to talk to you. What's going on?"

"I miss you," You confessed. You needed to tell Dean everything, and that included telling him how you felt. "I hate the way things ended between us, and I know that it wasn't solely on you or me. But I love you, Dean, and I will never stop loving you. And I know it's unfair I left and this is how I'm trying to get you back; over the phone. I would much rather be doing this in person. But I love you, Dean, and I always will. No matter what you say or do, I love you."

You could hear Dean struggling to breathe correctly. "Where are you?"

"My parents cabin, wh-"

"I'll be tomorrow morning." And with that, he hung up.

---

You paced back and forth in the living room, biting your nails. Dean didn't say what time he was going to be here, but he just said that he would be here in the morning. You had stayed up all night thinking about him. About the way his hair fell into his face after a shower, and how he always smelled like whiskey and firewood. The way his eyes would crinkle at the edges whenever he laughed, really laughed. But your favorite thing was when you had just finished a hunt, and you would go to lie down in bed, Dean would pull you close to him and whisper how much he loves you.

A sharp knock at the door snapped you out of your trance. "Who is it, Mom?" Jack asked, peering around the corner.

"Why don't you come see, kiddo." You wiped your sweaty palms on your jeans before opening the door to reveal Sam and Dean. "Hi," You smiled. Sam was the first to come inside and hug you. He grinned as he pulled away, ruffling your hair.

"Why don't I take Jack into town for a little bit while you guys work this out?" He suggested.

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds good. Jack, go put on your shoes, you're going into town with Sam for a little while." Jack beamed at your works, hurriedly putting his shoes on a following Sam out the door.

"Hi," You said once more after Sam and Jack were gone. Dean didn't say a word as he hugged you tightly. You melted into his touch, feeling comfort in his embrace. The familiar smell of whiskey and firewood filled your nostrils. You closed your eyes to savor this moment. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

taglist:

@vicariouslythruspn @mimaria420 @fofisstilinski @daphnen21 @katwed @anunstablefangirl @desimarie12 @alderpine @rebeccaitsnotwhatyouthink @akshi8278

Also, yes, there will be a part 3

#dean x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester angst #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester imagine #Sam Winchester #jack kline imagine #Jack Kline #jack imagine #supernatural #Supernatual #Supernatural angst #supernatural imagine #supernatural fluff #supernatural x reader

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shallowseeker · 1 year

Note

Anon because this is a touchy subject but I'm the one who hates Mary. Thanks for fielding my ask with such patience. I'm honestly very hopeful I can come around to liking her more.

I was wondering if you could write more about Lucifer? I really liked the Lucifer-war meta you wrote. He's a pariah in the fandom, but you seem to like him and Nick?

You're welcome, I think.

About Lucifer, uh, well. I'll be honest with you. I'm not super keyed into Lucifer, so I can't promise that I have any thoughts to share? But I'll keep it in mind as I watch through again. Here's what I like about Lucifer and what I'm less interested in. If any of this syncs up with your interests, feel free to stick around!

///

First, I meant when I said it's okay not to connect with a character. For example, it's taken me a long time to come around to Charlie Bradbury, and she's a fan favorite! Sometimes, there's no real reason you don't jive with a character. (There's nothing wrong with Charlie. I just happen to find her kind of annoying! And that's okay. That I like Arthur Ketch more than OG Charlie doesn't mean I'm a horrible person, right?)

I find that many of the characters featured in season 8 are kinda boring to me. Many of them I think were meant to be templated and figment-like in terms of their complexity relative to an integrated life. But some of them, like Metatron, I really love! He turns out to be so much more than the "ho-hum wiseman" that he appears to be, and then he basically repeats Cas's mistakes with regard to "punishing" his home and "trying to be God."

Yet, the fandom as a whole absolutely loathes Metatron. But I'm not going to go into their inboxes and harass them to see things my way.

///

So, Lucifer...

Many Lucifer fans seem to be fans of the early-seasons Lucifer, but I'll be upfront with you and say I prefer the whiny, petulant guy that was peeled back in later seasons--the one who revealed to Anael that all he really wanted was to fit in. Yeah, he's "less edgy, less cool," but I find him way more interesting!

I think there's an echo of Sam and John here re:fitting in. Because while Sam is "rebellious" towards John, he is, according to Henry Winchester, quite like John in terms of his base personality. After Jess died and Sam focused on revenge, Sam seemed strangely glad to have something in common with John, to understand him.

Lucifer too seemed excited and more sympathetic to his dad after Jack arrived. I way prefer that to the idea of a "villainous" guy in a white suit spitting spooky lines about destiny. That Lucifer...feels like Chuck.

I guess my thesis is that Chuck's portrayal of Lucifer is pretty close to Chuck's true self: a kind of cool-headed, all-knowing sadism. But perhaps the real Lucifer is eaten up by pain and volatile emotion.

"He's stealing my best lines," Lucifer laments when he reads the Bible in season 13. There's probably some truth to that. Perhaps, Chuck takes all his worst parts and stamps them onto Lucifer, and he takes Lucifer's best parts and stamps them onto himself?

///

And John...

I'll also be honest and say I find the fandom's tendency to paint Lucifer and John with all the bad in the entire universe to be sort of...frustrating? It verges on cartoonish. Engaging with their complexity automatically gets a fan painted with the dreaded "abuse apologist" label. I feel like disengaging from Lucifer and John almost...pressures you into trying to explain away TFW's own wrongdoing to hastily differentiate them from Lucifer and John.

Furthermore, I feel like John is raked over the coals for his inability to let go of his hatred of Azazel, but the fandom won't even entertain anything less than the abject destruction of John and Lucifer. In a sense, we can lurch into being quite John-coded when it comes to John and Lucifer!

It's almost like it's a badge of honor to blame them for all the evils in the universe, even the evil that Sam and Dean do on their own. Gabriel had a gorgeous speech on this very issue in season 13's Exodus! (Gabriel at once excused Chuck too much and blamed Lucifer too much, but he had a great observation!) At what point do you stop blaming your father and take responsibility for yourself? Where do we draw the line? How do we heal?

///

I'm also pretty fascinated by Chuck's tendency to victim-blame Lucifer's descent as "inevitable," while taking no responsibility for his own actions. That Chuck pointed to Lucifer's "jaundiced eye towards humans" as proof of his corruption is...hmm. It's bad.

It's like viewing Demon Dean, MoC Dean, or Amara-thralled Dean as "the real Dean." Just because you have urges or thoughts does not mean that you'd act on them in your right mind! That's the whole point of being an animal with free will!

Chuck's pretty fucked up for that viewpoint. It's his own rationalization for sure.

///

The other thing I'm fascinated by is that tantalizing nugget that Amara "trusted Lucifer once." Did Lucifer try to get close to her in order to catch her off-guard? "Dear nephew, my how you've changed." I'll always be rotating that line my head.

And I'll continue to ponder why Amara was so willing to make up with Chuck but was not willing to even try with Lucifer. How sad! You'd think if she felt bound to Dean, she'd also feel closer to Lucifer for being connected to her in a similar way. Maybe? And then there's the pesky fact that Amara becomes Lucifer's torturer and is willing to make up with Chuck but throws Lucifer away like garbage... It's hmmm.

If we assume that the MoC corrupted Lucifer, I say there's a good argument for his disinhibition and actions making him feel like he was beyond the point of no return, and so he continued to descend. There's something here that shackled Lucifer's free will just as it shackled Dean's.

And yet his own family is not even willing to extend the slightest bit of kindness, and that is why Lucifer is like that when we see him in Vince. He spends most of his time pleading to Cas, because that turns out to be his most stable family member. Same with Gabriel. (Though they try to kill each other over and over.)

Honestly, I find it difficult to ignore Amara and AU Michael's torture of Lucifer, and how frightened Lucifer was of AU Michael. It's also hard to look away from just how much "having a mission" fills Lucifer with purpose and surface-level loyalty for those around him.

It's hmmmm. Lucifer is simultaneously the worst version of himself AND he's also scapegoated for things that he didn't do and that aren't his fault.

///

And lastly, I'm always going to be interested in Jack. That Lucifer wanted Jack to give his life meaning is not nothing. It speaks of a life that means nothing. Forgiving Chuck and then getting tossed by Chuck, not to mention having gray-rock stability with Cas as his roommate and then getting ripped away from Cas, was honestly...probably the worst thing that ever happened to Lucifer. It's the thing that made him give himself over wholly to nihilism.

After that, Lucifer became single-mindedly focused on having a kid to plug the whole of his existence. He obsessed over Jack to a point that he was rushing to cross worlds to get to him. And yet, that care never really grew into anything truly parental. He was so willing to slit Jack's throat! He was so jealous of Sam being important to Jack that he tried to make Jack kill Sam.

It's hmmmm.

///

And Nick.

Nick is a festering sore...and how Lucifer manipulated his personal life in order to Stockholm him was gut-wrenching. Nick lost his entire identity!

I'm sure that "Like" is a strong word, but I think his plight in season 14 is certainly something we're supposed to pay attention to in the context of the Dean-AU Michael possession.

///

Things I don't care about?

Well, I'm not so much about Lucifer, Rowena, and Sam directly, because I feel like his interactions with them are cartoonishly straightforward: with them, Lucifer is his worst self. There's not much to add.

Lucifer does show some glimmers of being Gabriel-like with respect to Sam, in that he "respects Sam," engages in "torture of the brothers," and tries to "train him to recognize illusions" and "come to certain conclusions via illusions."

It's also sort of interesting to me when the reflection of Lucifer ricochets onto TFW, reminding them of when they were their shadow selves. (Jimmy Novak possession, cannibalism, killing innocents, sacrifice, lying, etc.)

///

#asks #spn lucifer #meta requests #long post #john winchester #metatron #complex lucifer #complex john winchester #spnwin

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cooloddball · 3 years

Text

JIB9 (JIBCON 2018) ANALYSIS PART 2

Go read part 1 of jib9 analysis if you haven’t read it already.

Continuing from where we left off...

Misha says no, he doesn’t think that Cas feels like part of the family and Jensen smirks and looks down while Jared smiles

Jensen helps Misha along with his answer

Jensen defends Sam and Dean after Misha says they don’t show emotion saying things like “I love you so much”

Jens: “There are a few scenes where you know,”

Jared: “Didn’t you see the one with the whole if we die we will do that together too?”

Jens: “Yeah that was emotional”

This is getting serious people. Remember this is season 13 they are talking about.

Jens keeps going on “you know there was embracing, and then there was a lot-I mean…” This whole time Jensen is looking at Misha

Misha is like “All I’m saying…”

And Jensen cuts Misha off and says, “Did you miss that?”

Look at Jared’s face here though. He’s like are you guys having a lovers’ quarrel? Am I missing something?

Misha tries to talk again but Jensen is adamant, unrelenting to give up on that there was an emotional scene between Dean and Cas. 13x05??? “Were you not there?”

Misha being who he is and not backing down either he says, “NO” rather defiantly.

Jared’s face here though. He stopped talking and is watching these two lovers go at it. (No, not the sexy kind)

Jensen doesn’t look too thrilled about what Misha said. Jared laughs Jensen is basically done at this point. Look at his face.

Misha continues “That was Castiel”

And Jensen just looks appalled, he raises his eyebrows looks down at his hands [0.43 insert Jensen’s face atm] and since Misha is looking at him and he sees that Jensen is unhappy he adds “I’m very method.”

Jensen goes to say something but stops himself, Jared senses the tension, Misha is still looking at Jensen and Jensen hasn’t looked at Misha since he asked him “were you not there?”

IDK what is going on here but it fees like more than just about Dean and Cas and more like it’s about Jensen and Misha. I mean Jared and Misha are having fun with it and Jensen just seems adamant to prove they care A LOT about Cas which is weird considering the fact that the moment Misha was asked that question Jensen agreed with Jared that they are not as pleased that Cas was back (this was a joke) . So what has changed since then? Only a few seconds have passed.

Jensen presses on, “I mean was Cas there? I know he was there physically but was he there emotionally? Because it doesn’t sound like it.”

The way Misha is holding his microphone he looks scared. Jensen can’t take his eyes off Misha.

Misha says, “see this is what I’m talking about” I think he realizes Jensen is getting too emotional and personal on stage and he decides to guide the conversation to the funny side.

Jensen laughs .

Misha says “ I don’t think he [Cas] lets himself feel worthy or wanted” and Jensen keeps looking at a fixed spot on the floor and I don’t know what’s so interesting there. Jared says “smart” in reference to Misha’s statement and Jensen nods.

Jared tries to make fun but Misha is not having it, he [Misha] looks at an imaginary watch and says “That said-uh…that said I think this season he’s felt more part of the team and the family…probably *looks at Jensen* more than ever before” Now I talked about that moment here but I have to reiterate, something is off here tbh. I don’t know what was going on with Jensen but something was definitely off.

I have been thinking about what the causation of Jensen’ s behaviour could be and I have come to a very weird and maybe kind of controversial conclusion, IDK. But here’s what I think. Maybe Misha finally told Jensen that he didn’t feel like he was part of the family because of the way they treated him and talked shit about him at J2 panels? Like how he pretended to gag when he saw Misha on screen during the jib9 j2 panel the previous day. Or the extreme pranks Jared played on him and Jensen just stood aside? The way some j2 fans send hate to him and that it gets to him. Maybe he finally opened up. Because if that is the case then, Jensen blamed himself for making Misha feel like that when he didn’t have any intention to? I hope I’m making sense. Or maybe it could be something else entirely but I feel like since 2017 Jensen had stopped going along with Jared’s attempts to make fun of Misha at their panes. So maybe this was him feeling bad that he ever played a part in that??? Okay my head hurts I have to move on.

Since that moment Jensen doesn’t look okay, even when Mishalecki are bantering with the next fan, Jensen just seems sad? Sad is not the right word but he seems kind of upset

So the fan makes a small mistake in what she’s asking and Misha laughs then Jensen turns to look at him for a brief second, it’s literally for a second and Misha looks at him with his big blue eyes but Jensen looks away rather quickly. I think they can both feel the weight of the previous answer Misha gave simmering beneath the surface but they can’t talk about it atm.

Now Jared says something rather weird to me, “A man who goes to sleep with an itchy butt wakes up with a smelly hand.” (I know it’s a saying or whatever but it’s just a strange thing to say or maybe it’s just me) Jensen is nodding along to that but Misha doesn’t look amused. I think it’s an interesting thing to say when two of your best friends who play with each other’s butts are seated on stage with you. I’m not sorry I said that because it had to be said.

For a literal microsecond, Misha looks at Jensen but Jensen is looking at a fixed spot on the floor as has become norm in the last 2 minutes. Mish suppresses a smile because he knows Jensen still feels bad about earlier.

Jared says that’s why he thinks the brother’s and Cas have to die in order for the show to end and Jensen’s face is just stoic. Dude wtf??

Jensen joins in the banter and makes a joke about a man who stands on a toilet while high on pot he’s not crazy he’s just high? J2 make another joke about a man going backwards to Bangkok or something. Misha manages to laugh at those jokes.

Jared asks Misha if he has anything to add and Jensen looks at Misha smiling look at the way he’s looking at Misha. It’s like he wants to stuff him in his pocket and take him home with him.

Jensen is laughing so hard now because Misha says that the only sayings that come to mind are the only ones he doesn’t want to say.

They try to pronounce the German word and it’s hilarious AF.

So Jared makes a joke of a sound that the fan is helping them pronounce and Jensen is just done. Completely done because he looks away and scratches his beard like he wants to be anywhere but there. JFC What is going on? He was happy again.

OMG husbands whispering at each other while Jared is engaged with a fan. Gossipy Jensen. Also I’m glad whatever tension was there after the Cas question is finally gone and they are back on track again.

They are in there own little world because IDK what Misha whispered to Jensen but Jensen is unicorn laughing. Aww J

“We just said some really bad shit” I like it when Jensen curses. Now I want to know what they said because when Misha whispers it to Jared, he laughs really hard as well. Oh to be a tiny ant crawling around, listening to their whispered secrets. A girl can dream am I right?

7.33 Jared asks the fan what her “that German/Austrian word” was that morning and I am inclined to think whatever the husbands were whispering to each other had something to do with a sex-related orifice because of the way Jensen reacts.

The fan puts Jared in his place. Look at Jensen’s reaction.

He’s like you go girl.

Jensen wants to whisper something to Misha so bad but he stops himself.

Okay so Jensen says he did bicycle touring and he did take part in some of the quests. Is he talking about GISHWES because he never can pronounce that word. LOL.

So Jared interrupts Jensen starts telling his story and Jensen just shuts down just look at his face the entire time Jared is telling it.

Misha and Jared are talking about how it’s so hot on stage and Jensen is just miming to the fans how it’s not hot. I love when he does that. Naughty boy.

Misha moans and he and Jared just rush off to point the fan in their direction while Jensen just stands over the fan on his side of the stage and cools his balls off.

OMG!!!! Misha is doing the mating dance while making fiery eye contact with Jensen and sips from the bottle. Jensen heeds his husband’s call to mate and walks briskly in long manly steps to wards him and he takes the drink off his hand while looking at him like he wants to eat him [it’s called a mating dance for a reason] and inhales the drink whatever it is and it must be really strong because he looks away and says something to Jared. Misha walks away says something to Jared and goes to sit down. Jensen starts twerking his booty. Misha your man wants to mate on stage do something. Anyway Jensen pours the drink that Misha had sipped directly from the bottle in a shot glass and does the rck on sign and sips it. The entire time Mishalecki are just looking at Nesnej and laughing not understanding what is going on.

Jared sniffs the drink and says “poker face” and Jensen says “thanks Lady Gaga” IDK if this was a snide comment or just banter but now we know Jensen listens to Lady Gaga and Katy Perry (re: jib8).

This part is really funny when the fan thanks Misha for sending a recovery message to her friend but Misha says that he had no choice but to do it because the fan just held out the phone to Misha and Misha was like “oooh, heeey”

I think Jared asks Misha what happened and Misha explains because Jared folds over laughing.

Jared starts talking before Jensen can answer the question and again Jensen doesn’t look too amused. This guy keeps stealing his thunder.

Jensen manages a smile when he hears that Misha did a German accent

Misha asks Jensen if he wants some tips on accents and Jensen smiles and says no. Ouch. Sorry Mish, your man doesn’t want your help. He’d rather wing it.

Misha is not backing down and compliments Jensen by listing all the accents that Jensen can do. We love a supportive husband. Hype your man Mish.

Jensen says that he speaks French and he has a little have a tête-à-tête in français. I find it funny how Misha pretends not to know Jensen speaks French yet he just listed all the accents Jensen can do. Sure Jan. And after the French interaction which Misha adds a flair of a French accent when he talk as and , Jensen tries really hard not to smile. Someone’s excited. #accent kink ;)

Jensen says he doesn’t think Michael is going to need an accent and Misha says yes he will in French accent and Jensen is just trying really really hard not to smile.

Look at Jared’s face though he’s like dude are you seriously turned on by Misha’s weird accent right now? It’s not even funny and Jensen can’t stop smiling.

Jensen is done with Misha’s shenanigans so he just cuts him off and Misha is exasperated and Jensen proceeds to ask his question.

Fan says she would improve on Misha’s German accent and Misha gasps scandalized and even Jensen is not happy about that but he takes this moment to make fun of Misha so the comment doesn’t seem as harsh

Look at Misha’s face

and here is Jensen’s face he can’t believe someone was mean to his baby.

Anyway, in an attempt to make it less painful for his man he tries to make and joke and says, “I didn’t send that out with the insult in mind but I’m really glad that happened.”

The joke makes it worse and Misha doesn’t seem to feel better. Poor Misha.

It’s over.

Time for the closing ceremony

Jensen and Briana singing.

Misha and Adam

I love their friendship, makes me think of the possibilities that could’ve been between Cas and Mick on the show.

OMG Jensen you naught boy, yeah I see you have experience humping and spanking. Go on Rockstar we love to see it.

Even Jason Mann’s sees Jensen humping the air and Misha and Jensen turn to look at Jason. Jensen is smirking at him after what he just did. OMG.

The way Jensen is looking at Rob when Rob tries to sing the remaining verses of carry on my wayward son. Jensen you need apple juice. Jensen is me. He is insane and he is me and I love him. JENSENKIN!!!!

Why are Jensen and Misha gravitating towards each other unconsciously? Do their hearts have magnets that pull towards each other?

Speaking of them why does Jensen seem extremely tall here and Misha looks so tiny.

Am I the only one who doesn’t like the guy who played Ketch? OMG he just rubs me off the wrong way.

OMG is Jared trying to touch Jensen’s hand? Eww He touched Jensen’s arm and Jensen didn’t even look at him. This is embarrassing. Jensen hasn’t looked at him once/ HELP.

Misha and Jensen are standing the same way at the exact same time and they aren’t even looking at each other. OMG!! This is insanity.

Jensen turns to smile at Misha. Aww J

Jensen looks at Misha with a smile on his face when Daniela says they’ll be back the next year the year that gave us straddle gate and boners.

It’s over guys.

So I have come to the conclusion that something was going on between Jensen and Jared at jib 9.

See you on the next one.

Part 1

#cockles #jib9 #jibcon 2018 #jib9 cockles panel analysis #j2m

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mittensmorgul · 3 years

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So for the most part, I outright reject the finale. But I do think, in light of the whole "Jimmy was supposed to be in the bar, and Dean was disappointed by that because his perfect heaven would have Cas in it" just makes me all the more convinced that the final episode was some kind of djinn dream. Like.... There's no other explanation in my opinion. If Dean's perfect heaven was supposed to have Cas, and he tragically gets faked out by Jimmy (????? Why tf would jimmy be there anyway), it just proves that it's not ACTUALLY heaven. That, along with he El Sol beer he's drinking is all the evidence I need. I think after 15x19, Dean and Sam got whammied by some monster, and are stuck in a hallucination, and that's what we're seeing. (My headcanon is that it's actually The Empty doing it, because it knows if it doesn't keep Dean and Sam occupied and spinning in circles, they'll invade the Empty to save Cas. So its trying to prevent that) :)

Hello, anon friendo! I am gonna start by offering the socially distanced version of a high five, because yeah... There is just so much to unpack here, and you provided such a succinct and all-encompassing series of statements to start from. Thank you!

*flings open array of questionable suitcases*

First off, Congrats on having rejected the finale. I know a lot of folks are still struggling with that one, for many reasons. But you have hit upon so many of the points I’ve been trying to make about the finale since it aired. I’d just like to start with some of the assumptions I’ve heard from folks about the finale that make it impossible for me to consider it fully honestly canon. Because so much about it just makes no goshdang sense... like... not at all...

One of the biggest issues I have surrounding the reception of the finale in parts of fandom is that it portrayed a “happy ending.” The show itself spent the entire final season telling us that a gravestone marked Winchester was not and never would be a happy ending (thank you Becky Rosen-- words I never thought I’d say, but honestly and most sincerely meant). Let’s break this down a bit.

Starting from the assumption that “heaven was fixed” so that characters could have true free will there, making it satisfying in any way that Dean died so young and never got to truly experience happiness during life, I would like anyone who has adopted this attitude to then explain Kansas the band. I mean... explain that in any satisfactory canon-compliant way. (hint: you can’t. it makes zero sense in canon, if heaven is truly reformed and “happy” with everyone in possession of free will.)

Which brings me to Misha’s comments about Jimmy being in the Roadhouse. Why, if heaven were truly fixed, would Jimmy ever in a bazillion years attend a party for Dean Winchester? If Heaven were truly a “happy” ending for Dean, why introduce this element of eternal tragedy and heartbreak to his heaven experience? Why taunt him with the eternal loss of Cas-- even if you don’t think he reciprocated Cas’s romantic feelings, he was canonically the best friend Dean ever had, and being forced to exist forever in a place where he had everyone else he ever cared for except for Cas? Is frankly horrific.

How the actual fuck is that a happy ending, in any sense of the word?

How is this the sort of heaven that Dean would’ve made for himself before it was “fixed?” At least in the memorex heaven, he could’ve lived in oblivious peace with Cas, even if it was always just his own memories and not ~actually Cas~. I honestly think that would’ve been happier than the abject tragedy of what we did get, and what we would’ve gotten had the original script played out.

All of this kind of makes me wonder if they ever even actually defeated Chuck. Like... it feels more like Dean got pulled into the Empty at that moment with Cas and Billie, and everything else after that point was the Empty’s endless experience of sorrow and despair we knew it subject its charges to. So that’s one potential for what could’ve actually happened. I mean, everything about the finale was sorrow and despair, you know? Dean didn’t even get to enjoy his pie at a pie festival because Sam smashed in in his face. How is any of it happy, in any way?

Because if that was actually heaven, there wasn’t actually any free will (because why tf would Kansas the band have chosen to put on that concert? why tf would Jimmy have been there, just to torment Dean with the taunt of Cas returning to him only to have that hope snatched away again? It’s cruel. It’s, in fact, a source of intense despair).

The djinn theory could also work, and I’ve read some excellent fix-it fic using that as a premise. But that doesn’t really explain what happened to Jack (and Amara, since she was in there with them) after hoovering up Chuck’s power, you know? I think the simplest explanations in canon are that Chuck actually won via the unified power of Light and Dark being transferred into Jack and effectively using him as a vessel. With Sam and Dean convinced they’d won, they effectively stopped resisting Chuck’s story for them, and using Jack’s understanding of humanity and the Winchesters specifically, Chuck finally was able to implement a version of his story that the Winchesters would just waltz into without thinking it was supernaturally influenced at all. Going bigger and bigger with monsters and cosmic troubles hadn’t worked, but going so small Sam and Dean would barely even notice the influence-- even with the incongruous reappearance of a vampire that appeared in their lives once, for like two whole minutes 15 years ago, and an unsolved case from the journal from more than 30 years ago that John had never even linked to vampires at all.

At this point, I need to mention that I’m watching 10.23 as I type this up. An episode in which we confront the Mark, along with Death, and Dean’s despair, where he learns a version of the truth (but by no means the full truth, or even accurate truth in some respects) about Chuck’s Story, Amara/The Darkness, etc. That would unfold more fully over the next five seasons. And what was the case Dean took in this episode? Vampires. LOLOL omg this show is nothing if not horrifically consistent, yes?

So because of this, I went haring off through my own blog looking for a post I made a long time ago about the symbolism of how various monsters are used on this show (because again, consistency). I got sidetracked by other posts in my monsters tag, including this from after 15.09 aired, which feels particularly awfully relevant. This was my reaction to Chuck’s Story he showed Sam in that episode, about what the future would look like should he successfully trap Chuck with a Mark, and which... yeah is basically exactly thematically consistent with what we saw in the finale, right down to a cheesy twist on vampires. Read the whole post right here, but this is the part that reached up and punched me in the face:

this is how Dean personally reacts when he loses Cas. We know how he reacts when he loses anyone else– think about what he did when Charlie died. He went on a murder rampage against the Stynes for killing her. When Mary died he broke some furniture and went full bore toward both resurrecting her and stopping Jack. But without Cas, Dean loses the will to fight. Sam has… always been different. He referenced Jess in 15.04 to remind us of how he was after she died in the pilot episode. Just like John, he picked up the revenge mission and ran with it. But for Dean, Cas is different. Without Cas… Dean gives up.

Because... Dean gave up. Sure, he and Sam weren’t overrun by vampires in the end. Chuck knew they’d never stop fighting the monsters, one way or another. The only way to get Dean to give up is something Chuck hadn’t quite figured out yet... maybe not until after 15.17, after confronting Cas in the hallway of the bunker, after absorbing Amara’s power, knowledge, and perspective on Dean.

Chuck needed Dean to give up, and honestly? Pushing Billie to clear him off the table and send him (and Cas, that pesky angel who never did what he was told) to the Empty would’ve been a direct way to deal with that... pretty much akin to having one sibling locked in a cage forever, yes?

Also, still looking through my monsters tag, I’m reminded of 14.15, and still cannot differentiate the version of Heaven in 15.20 from what was done to the people of that town. This... is not... paradise. This is actively what Dean has been insisting is the OPPOSITE of paradise since like… 4.22… No ending where Dean was a “Stepford bitch in paradise” ever had the possibility of being “happy,” at the core of things, and this “fixed” version of Heaven just doesn’t hold up to any degree of inspection. Something is seriously wrong here. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

And since I was unable to find the post I wrote who knows how long ago about Monsters and how they’re symbolically used on Supernatural to represent larger themes in the episode, I’ll just attempt to sum up what Vampires have been used for. Revenge. Vampires are always, in some way connected to themes of revenge.

(and hooray, I found at least a post adjacent to the one I’ve spent the last four hours trying to find... https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187207052080/i-obviously-did-not-think-this-through, where I mention that shapeshifters are about revealing hidden truths (mostly about Dean since most shapeshifters are connected to Dean), zombies are about grief and the inability to move past it.)

So why... why at the end of their road is the monster that comes after them-- literally FOR REVENGE for something that had never been blamed on Sam or Dean to begin with, from season 1, directly connected to John’s revenge mission and the first time they learned about the Colt AND the first time they learned in canon that Vampires were even real... like... this feels very specifically like some kind of layers-of-meta levels of shade on them, you know? Vampires are for revenge, so what vengeance exactly is being visited upon Sam and Dean in this episode? If not Chuck’s entire story for them itself?

So yeah, 100% agree, something is incredibly rotten in the finale. And I am sick to effing death of people trying to convince us that anything about this was “good” or “happy” or “satisfying” in any way. Or even “how it was always supposed to end” with Dean dead bloody, as if the entire back half of the series hadn’t been suggesting that a true win was the subversion of all of Chuck’s story for them, and Dean finally being able to have his chosen family all alive, happy, and chilling on a beach somewhere watching the sunset. Nothing will ever convince me that the ending portrayed in 15.20 wasn’t exactly how Chuck thought he “won,” rendering it entirely irrelevant to the rest of canon, unless all of canon was ultimately the tragedy we’d been encouraged to believe would be firmly defeated in the end.

Folks, you can’t have it both ways.

#spn 15.20 #chuck's process #if this was the 'happy' ending for dean they sure did fail big time to make it actually happy!#it makes me feel sick thinking that dean's happy heaven ending was more like an eternal pit of torment #like actively tormenting him and taunting him with the fact that cas was truly gone forever #like wow they went all the fuck out to make it clear that even in heaven #dean would never be allowed to respond to cas's declaration of love #like... it's the most hurtful and hateful thing the show could possibly have done to us #and it still fucks me up knowing there's people who think this heaven was a 'good' ending for dean #like... fuck that entirely and with extreme prejudice #i feel like i have not been emphatic enough about my absolute hatred for this episode in these tags #but sadly there are limitations to expressing the actual feelings i'm feeling in the english language #sometimes the only effective word for these feelings involves velociraptor screeching #Anonymous

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hen-of-letters · 3 years

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@spnprideweek day one: flags

This little ficlet for #spnprideweek is brought to you by my big, non-binary bisexual love for this beautiful fandom, and my desire to fix that moment in 'Baby' when Cas indulges Dean by saying "werepire", but Dean doesn't hear him and Cas doesn't know. It ended up getting a bit long, so there's more under the cut or over on AO3. Thanks!

Dean's at Pride, and feeling a rising level of discomfort.

It's not the fact that he's wearing eyeliner in public for the first time in his forty-two years. Hell, he'd been wanting to do that ever since he was a kid, dreaming of being a rock star. The covers of music magazines in gas station racks had been windows on a world free from the brutally narrow definition of what his Dad meant when he told him to "be a man". Gradually, though, he'd learned what is gloriously apparent today under the hot June sun: that there are as many ways of being a man as there are men.

It's not because the sleeveless white t-shirt he's wearing is somewhat snug. (The heat had made him shed his pink, purple and blue plaid shirt - the one he'd worn today because Claire always called it his 'bi flannel' - and tie it around his waist.) He and Cas are both wearing a little of their contentment on their waistlines these days, and he believes Cas when he says that he adores his body because he means it when he says the same to Cas.

It's not the big, heart-shaped sticker slapped on his chest, which is striped in the colours of the bisexual pride flag in a way that's much less subtle than the flannel. Dean's always known that he wasn't only into chicks, but putting a name to it is new. Dean's had jobs and Dean's had roles, but having an identity had always seemed like a luxury well beyond Dean's means. Now he's not constantly running for his life, though, he has the breathing room to figure himself out. And he's good with this part of himself. More than good.

It's not the two flags that are padding the pockets of his jeans. One, he'd bought for Cas: it's striped in pale pink, pale blue and white. Earlier, he'd gone with Cas when he'd met up with some friends he'd met online (having managed to get past all the cats this time). The ex-angel had found that discussing their experiences of being trans had helped him feel happy in the body that had become his own. Dean could only feel immense gratitude for the way Cas' face had lit up afterwards when he'd talked about how he was creating himself, becoming himself, and embracing the human condition of change.

Dean hopes that the gift of the trans pride flag will show Cas that Dean understands and loves him, and the same is true for the other flag, which he'd picked up for Jack. It's yellow, white, purple and black. Dean had had to do a little research when Jack had used the term non-binary - it's amazing how the world can move on while you're living in an underground bunker. He'd kept on researching, too, after he'd learned the basics. Maybe he was still figuring himself out. Maybe there was more to discover about himself, and wasn't that fantastic?

Jack is wandering around somewhere with Claire and Kaia. Jody and Donna are here, too, with Alex and Patience. Adam and Michael have probably partied their way through fifty international pride parades by now, but they should be meeting up with everyone else later. Sam and Eileen are not far away. Eileen was the one who's slapped the bi pride sticker on Dean's chest - with unnecessary force, if you asked Dean. She'd grinned at him, showed off the identical sticker on her own chest, and said, with a suitably cheesy wink, "we need to stick together". He remembered the moment he'd nervously asked her the sign for 'bisexual', and when she'd shown him - the letter signs for 'b' and 'i' - she'd added, "me too," and Dean had scooped her up into a crushing hug.His love for his family is endless, and them all being here is definitely not why he's uncomfortable.

And it's not the body glitter freckling his cheeks and his shoulders with gold, although his feelings might change by the time he tries to remove it tonight. He'd been gilded with it when he'd been dancing up a storm with a group of drag queens. They'd admired his eyeliner - a deep brown shot through with gold along his upper lashes - but winked and said it was "a little subtle for Pride". As soon as Dean had seen the tube of glitter, he'd yelled "hell yes!" and even managed to hold still long enough to be coated in the stuff before moving his body to the beat again. Although he's sure his feet will be aching later, so far his favourite cowboy boots are not the source of his discomfort.

It's not the bright pink feather boa, either, which he'd acquired from the same source as the glitter, when he'd been sent off with a kiss to the cheek and the words "be bold, honey!" He'd expected the boa to tickle or irritate, but for some bizarre reason the sensation of feathers around his shoulders and the back of his neck feels incredibly comforting and reassuring. He feels warm and safe and oh. Oh.

As that particular realisation sweeps over him, Dean tightens his hold on Cas. He's standing behind him with his right hand on Cas' hip, and his left arm is up over his shoulder and wrapped around his chest. His hand is splayed out, at once putting his silver wedding band on display and somehow attempting to conceal Cas from the eyes of his many admirers (and, well, good luck with that. Cas is incredibly beefy these days).

Which brings us to the source of Dean's discomfort; to the thing that's deepening the furrow in his brow and the dimples beside his pursed lips: namely, the sheer number of guys hitting on Cas.

It's not like Dean can blame them. Cas' muscular frame is wrapped in black jeans and a tight black t-shirt bearing the Led Zeppelin 1975 tour logo. The short sleeves show off the floral tattoos trailing down his left arm. Cas is wearing a rainbow-coloured enamel belt buckle and, because he's determined to be the death of Dean, black cowboy boots. Before they'd left, Dean hadn't been able to resist grabbing a black kohl pencil and smudging a little along Cas' upper and lower lashes. And, okay, maybe Cas' wide-eyed bewilderment every time he's flirted with is vaguely amusing. But when Dean is right here? Not cool.

Right on cue, here's another one. From over his husband's shoulder, Dean levels his very best glare at the guy. It's a look that can stop a demon dead in its tracks. A vampire would tremble. A werewolf would wet itself. But one young gay guy with a few drinks in him? Totally unaffected. Like the others, he's all smiles and understanding when Cas politely, if awkwardly, waves him away. (Literally. With a final dorky little wave goodbye.)

Dean realises that he's moved his right arm around Cas' waist, so now Dean is wrapped around Cas like some kind of koala/octopus hybrid. An octoala? A koctopus? Definitely koctopus. Heh.

Dean snorts at the thought, which is somewhat unfortunate, given that his face is right next to Cas' ear. Cas flinches and turns his head around to fix him in a squinty glare.

"Koctopus?" Dean says, apologetically.

Cas narrows his eyes further and tilts his head to the side.

"Um, the way I was wrapped around you. I was like a cross between a koala and an octopus."

Dean nudges Cas. "So what does that make me? C'mon, you know you wanna say it."

Cas just tilts his head a bit further to the side, either in confusion or outright despair. Dean has untangled himself from Cas and stepped back, and looks down at the ground, suddenly self-conscious.

Dean feels Cas' hand on his shoulder, and then it smooths over his back, finding the back of his neck underneath the boa. Whatever his shape, Cas' touch has the exact same effect on Dean. He looks up into the impossibly blue eyes of his husband.

"You're a very glittery," Cas begins, softly, "and very beautiful," one corner of his mouth lifts, and then he purses his lips together, trying to hold back the smile, "koctopus."

The corners of his eyes are crinkled. He's not amused by the joke, Dean knows, just absurdly pleased to be saying something he knows will make Dean happy. Of course Dean knows that Cas loves him, knows the whole cosmic-realm-crossing magnitude of it, but in little moments like this, he's floored by it. Dean can't help his sudden exhale or the massive grin that breaks across his face. He wraps his husband up in hug that they hold for a good long moment, before Dean leans back to kiss Cas.

No one had ever explained to Dean how difficult it is to kiss someone when you can't stop smiling. He'd never had that problem before Cas, but now it's practically a daily occurrence. It's a menace because kissing Cas is one of Dean's favourite pastimes. Now, they trade little pecks between wide, toothy grins, until passion takes over and the kisses become heavier.

It takes someone wolf-whistling for them to part, and then they're back to grinning and staring into each others' eyes, until Dean spots something on Cas' face. And something else. And something else. In fact, there's something all over Cas, and that something is gold glitter. It's on his face, his hands, his Zeppelin shirt, and even in his hair. Dean runs his fingers through the unruly curls - Cas has been wearing his hair longer lately - in an attempt to shake it out, but only deposits more glitter into Cas' locks.

"Oops," Dean says, "I kinda glitter bombed you there. It's all over your shirt, too. Sorry, Sunshine."

He doesn't sound terribly sorry.

"This is your shirt, Dean."

"Aw, man."

He does sound a little sorry now, but his future laundry woes are forgotten when Cas presses another kiss to his pouting lips. They're forgotten again when something across the crowd catches Dean's eye.

"Oooh," Dean exclaims as he drags Cas towards the stall he's spotted.

It's selling cowboy hats in every configuration of colour imaginable, and Dean is practically jumping on the spot excitement. Cas looks his husband up and down, slowly.

"You think your outfit's lacking accessories?" he deadpans.

"Yup," is Dean's gleeful reply, "and so's yours."

Cas' groan is lost to the noise of the crowd and the beat of the music, so no-one will ever know if it was one of protest or defeat. He does, in fact, end up wearing a black cowboy hat with a rainbow band, so if it was protest then it was highly ineffective. Dean's has a pink crown, purple band and blue brim, and he's carrying another black one with a band in the non-binary flag colours for Jack. Cas admits that Jack's going to love it.

"Damn, this is awesome," Dean says as they head back to meet up with the rest of their family.

Walking hand in hand with Cas, Dean's thoughts wander. Dean could kick his younger self for every time he'd called someone gay or a girl as a way of saying they were weak. Because all he can see in the people around him is strength. He grins again, giddy with the atmosphere of defiant joy. All around him is everything he'd spent his life fighting to protect: freedom, family, and love. Holding his husband's hand a little tighter, he's grateful that in the end he gets to have both: freedom and peace.

#sorry to be late posting this - I was poorly but then I'm also naturally blessed with the writing speed of a sloth #thank you so much for hosting this event #spnprideweek #spn #supernatural #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #dean is bi #trans castiel #non-binary Jack Kline #my fic #happy pride 🌈

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goldenraeofsun · 3 years

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There is Only Try, Part I

“Love spell,” Rowena proclaims as she glides down the stairs to the Bunker floor like it’s her personal ballroom. Her midnight blue floor-length gown and elaborately curled hair look especially out of place - Dean’s pretty sure his shirt has pizza stains from at least three different pizzas. The shirt is red, so at least two of them don’t count.

Behind her on the stairs, Sam chokes.

Rowena turns around to face him. “And I thought this was going to be a challenge,” she chides. “Really, Samuel?”

“What do you mean, ‘love spell’?” Dean demands with a fleeting glance at Cas, who’s gone red in the face. Dean doesn’t blame him - between the hooker with the daddy problems and the stabby reaper, he’d be leery of anything vaguely love-shaped too.

“We called you because we need to translate the runes on a cursed box,” Sam says slowly. “We think it’s in some sort of cipher, since even Cas can’t get a read on it.”

“Well, did Tweety Pie touch the box?”

“No,” Cas says, offended.

Dean nudges him with his elbow, saying in an undertone, “C’mon, like it wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Dean.”

Dean takes in Cas’s unamused face and scowls at Rowena's tinkling laugh. “Okay, Sabrina, what the fuck do you mean by ‘love spell’?”

“I mean the angel’s been cursed with a love spell,” Rowena says with deliberate slowness, like she’s giving a command to a particularly stupid lap dog. “Was it not obvious?”

Dean glances at Cas, horror trickling down his spine. “No.”

“Hmph,” Rowena sniffs. “Men really are oblivious to matters of the heart.” She waves her hand again, eyes glimmering violet. “Like I thought,” she continues, placing both hands on her hips, “A jardin d’amour.”

“A garden of,” Sam pauses, clearly trying not to laugh, “love?”

“A very basic love spell,” Rowena says disdainfully. “The lass didn’t seem to have any imagination.”

“The witch we ganked two weeks ago was a dude,” Dean says. A beat. “A man witch.”

Sam snorts.

“There you go,” Rowena says, lifting her nose into the air. “Most men don’t have that innate knack for the magical arts.” She turns to Sam, giving him the most obvious come-hither look Dean has ever seen. “There are some obvious exceptions, of course.”

Okay, Dean needs Rowena and her heebs with a large dosing of the jeebs out of the Bunker, stat.

“It starts as a tiny seed, a wee obsession,” Rowena explains, “and grows and grows until it consumes you.” She squints, wiggling her fingers, and Dean just barely stops himself from jumping in front of Cas on instinct. “I’d say the spell’s gone about halfway through its course.”

Dean crosses his arms over his chest. He throws another calculating glance at Cas. “He’s not writing love songs or grabbing a boombox, so he’s obviously not cursed.”

Cas, still suspiciously silent, shoves both his hands in his pockets and stares hard at a spot of the floor between his feet.

“Oh, but he is, darlin’,” Rowena exclaims delightedly. “I can see it clear as day. Look!”

Cas sneezes as the magic washes over him for a third time, and now they all can see the purple sparkles - really, Rowena? - hovering in the air around him.

“Okay,” Dean makes a face, “Now I’m confused.”

“Not for the first time, isn’t that right?” Rowena says with faux-sympathy.

Dean glowers. He turns to Cas. “Come on, she’s making this all up. You’d know if you got dosed with Love Potion No. 9.”

“I-” Cas says, his gaze skittering from Dean to Rowena and back again. He looks… caught.

“Wait,” Dean thunders, taking a step forward, “You knew?”

“I,” Cas starts haltingly, “had suspected.”

“And you didn’t think you’d tell us you’d been whammied?”

Cas shrugs. “It doesn’t seem to be affecting me at all. My vessel is functioning normally.”

“Sure, because you’re such an expert on normal-”

Cas’s eyes flash. “It didn’t seem relevant considering everything else-”

“What d’you mean every-?”

“Kelly Kline - Lucifer, again - the British Men of Letters - take your pick,” Castiel retorts heatedly.

“We’ve got that under control-”

“Killing a child is not ‘under control’-”

“It is if the kid’s the literal spawn of Satan-”

“I never thought I’d hear Dean Winchester defending the murder of an inno-”

Dean throws up his hands. “Did you miss my ‘spawn of Satan’ comment?”

“No,” Cas says, his expression as stony as the Bunker’s foundations, “my hearing is excellent.”

Off to the side, Rowena mutters in a carrying stage-whisper, “I can see how a wee curse like this is the least of your problems.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Sam says, running a weary hand down his face.

Dean rounds on them. “What?”

“Do you want me to remove the love spell or not?” Rowena asks, eyebrows raised. “My time is precious, you know. I don’t live to be at the Winchesters’ beck and call.”

“For the last fucking time, it’s not a goddamn spell!” Dean explodes. “Whatever it is, he is not in love. He hasn’t been acting any different.”

Rowena beams. “Well now, if he were already in love, it would have no outward effects. He’d…” Her expression becomes stomach-turningly sly, “...function normally, so to speak.”

Cas’s mouth sets in a firm line. As Dean goggles at him, Cas demands, “Remove the spell, now.”

Dean swallows. Cas can’t be - she can’t be implying - that’s impossible. He’s an angel. They don’t feel things like that.

Do they?

“I’m going to need some ingredients,” Rowena says, looking up to Sam. “Where might they be?”

Sam gestures her forward. “Back in the store room, I’ll show you.”

Rowena pats him lightly on the arm. “What a gentleman,” she simpers as Dean pretends to hurl behind her back.

Dean can’t bring himself to speak until they’re both out of earshot, their footsteps fading off into the distance. He turns to Cas, trying to keep his voice detached and failing miserably. “So, you think it got you after all?”

Cas looks away. “I know it has.”

“Oh.” Dean picks up his empty whiskey glass. He runs a hand down his face, trying to scrub away whatever he’s feeling. It doesn't work. “I don’t know about you, but I could use a drink. Fucking witches.”

“I - I could use one as well,” Cas says to Dean’s surprise.

* * *

“So, uh, who’s the lucky chick?” Dean asks as he makes a beeline for the liquor cart in the library off the war room. He grabs an additional glass for Cas and the bottle of Jack, tips the bottle down his own throat to get them started, and pours them out a few fingers.

Cas takes his drink, jaw clenching. He doesn’t look like a dude head over heels. He looks like his normal sleep-deprived, tax accountant self. He stays silent.

Dean thumps heavily down into a chair. “Have we met her?” he prompts because he’s nothing if not a masochist at heart.

“You could say so, in a sense.” Cas raises his eyes to meet Dean’s, face softening, and Dean’s going to hurl for real this time. Cas continues, “There’s not much in my life I keep from you.”

Dean swallows against the ball of self-loathing and disgust clogging his throat. “Some lady angel, then? Been dreaming about plucking her harp strings?”

Cas scowls into his drink. “No.”

“Not an angel?”

“Not a lady,” Cas says, his voice almost unbearably stiff. “And not an angel, either. A human - a beautifully flawed human.”

Dean has no words to say to that, so he drinks. Cas has probably met thousands of people - nice, normal people who aren’t fucked up in the head from ganking monsters their whole lives - since he’s been on Earth. God knows, he hasn’t been plastered to Dean’s side the entire time. Lately, Dean can’t even come up with a good excuse to get him to stay for more than a day or two at most.

“A guy, then,” Dean says to make sure they’re on the same page - because last time he checked, waves of celestial intent cared less about acing a Gender and Sexuality 101 class and more about whether a meatsuit could withstand a holy oil molotov cocktail.

Cas nods, his eyes narrowing. “Your opinion on homosexual relationships is part of the reason I’ve never brought it up before.”

“Hey, I don’t judge,” Dean says, not entirely truthfully. He holds his hands up in a gesture of innocence. “Homo it up, man. Love is love.”

Cas’s nose wrinkles, but he doesn’t comment on Dean’s hamfisted attempt at proving his acceptance of ‘alternative lifestyles’ as Dad might’ve put it charitably one time. “It’s complicated,” Cas adds, like any part of this fucked-up situation could fit under a goddamn Facebook status.

Dean hitches a grin on his face that probably wouldn’t fool a blind person. “So, apart from that, how come you’ve never come to me for help? I don’t wanna brag, but I’m kind of an expert in hookups. Sam’s kind of hopeless. He can��t get a chick into bed without her dying on him.”

Cas knocks back his glass. “I didn’t want to bother you with my feelings.”

Dean automatically grimaces at the mention of feelings. But, hell, he’s not a teenage girl. He can man up and be there for his best friend.

He has to - Cas hardly asks him for anything anymore.

Sure, Cas didn’t exactly ask Dean for anything this time around, but Dean can read between the lines. Now that he’s copped to what’s going on beneath Cas’s still waters, he can see how deep those feelings run. Especially if what Rowena’s saying is true and a love spell is barely a drop in the bucket.

“And, regardless, your ‘hookup’ skills wouldn’t be relevant, anyway,” Cas says quietly, lowering his hands. “I’m not interested in… coupling.”

Dean wrinkles his nose. “That reaper really screwed you over, didn’t she? Look, just because you got shanked, doesn’t mean all sex winds up with an angel blade-”

“I misspoke,” Cas says over him. “What I mean is, I would rather have no sexual relations at all if I cannot have all of him: mind, body, and soul.”

Trust Cas to spout the most profound cheese Dean has ever heard.

And also, what the fuck? Dean can’t get behind that idea at all. Dean’s always been a take what you can get kind of dude. He had to be, with what he has to work with - a pretty face, a killer's instinct, and an inability to have a normal relationship if his goddamn life depended on it.

Like, if Dean had gotten the slightest whiff that Cas was down with gettin’ down and dirty with Dean as his last hurrah (which of course he didn’t), Dean would never have bothered with that stupid den of inequity. As hilarious as the outcome was, he would have gone for a little something-something for himself before the end of the world.

Of course, Dean wasn’t in love with Cas yet then. Whenever it came to mind, it was just a fun thought experiment, an idle what if for him to think about during a dry spell. Like his fantasies about fucking Ginger from Gilligan’s Island. Or hatesex with Bela Talbot.

But none of that mattered because every step of the way from Castiel, mighty Angel of the Lord, to Cas, their friendly neighborhood angel-man, he never hinted he’d be down for a quick roll in the hay... or something more serious.

Dean remembers very clearly: Anna fell to experience emotions, even the bad ones.

And Dean’s not an idiot - Cas obviously experiences emotions now. Dude’s been through too much not to feel something. But Dean’s never deluded himself that they could ever include all the romantic lovey-dovey, chick-flick moments crap.

Family love, sure. Cas might love all his haloed siblings. Cas has been around for all the Top 10 worst decisions that are the Winchesters’ version of brotherly devotion. Cas even said the big L-word out loud himself, when he was bleeding out in that barn a month ago.

But romantic love? The big kahuna L-O-V-E?

Dean always thought scaling Mount Everest with a plastic beach shovel would be easier than convincing an angel to feel that way about anyone. Cas is a wave of celestial intent; waves of celestial intent don’t do anything as human, as stupid, as fall in love.

But apparently they do.

So maybe that’s why Cas has always been so hard to pin down, so eager to leave Dean all the time. He’s been off pining after this mystery guy.

Awesome.

Cas heaves a weighty sigh and finishes off his own glass of whiskey. Without another word, he half raises from his chair, reaching around the table lamp, to pour them both a second round. “I suppose there is a bit of a relief in finally saying it,” he says in a low voice. “I can’t be with him, but there is a certain amount of happiness in it being known, just being seen.”

Dean wastes no time in downing half his new drink. Throat burning in warning, he forces out, “Why - why can’t you? You’re a freaking angel - thought you could have anyone.” Dean frowns. “He’s not a civilian, is he?”

Talk about a recipe for disaster: Cas plus normal person equals uncomfortable questions and fucked up babysitting gigs.

Cas’s eyes widen. Almost imperceptibly, he shakes his head. “Ah, no, not really.”

“So he knows about angels.”

Cas gives a slow nod. “He doesn’t have a very high opinion of them, though,” he says ruefully, staring down into his glass. “They’ve made his life very difficult over the past few years.”

Dean scoffs, “He can join the club.”

Cas flinches.

“Hey, no,” Deans says quickly, “Not you.”

Cas raises head, his eyes unbearably bleak. “Why not me? I was the one who set the Leviathans and angels loose on humanity to wage their wars, among a dozen other transgressions.” He adds morosely, “Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if a different angel rescued you from Hell after all.”

Dean blinks at Cas, his stomach turning over with dread at the very idea. He tries to picture some nameless angel yanking him out of the Pit or marching into that barn with all the righteousness of Heaven on his heels. Dean can’t do it.

Or worse, not a nameless angel. Uriel, who was ready to kill thousands without a second thought. Zachariah, that dickwad with the mind games. Even Hannah, who Dean reluctantly liked - he still can’t see her sticking by their side, falling, sacrificing everything for them.

Cas is their third wheel, the stabilizer that keeps Team Free Will upright and moving forward. Without him, they’re a tandem bicycle, and nobody wants a repeat of that opening scene from Gabriel’s sitcom from Hell.

“Yeah, but at least you always tried to do the right thing.”

“There is no try, only what I did or did not do,” Cas answers with a strange, defeated expression.

“Okay, but,” Dean starts, rolling his eyes at Cas’s butchered Star Wars reference, “Yoda’s a lot of things, but applicable to the real world without space lasers, he is not. Sometimes the only thing you can do is try, dude.”

God knows, Dean could never have forgiven Cas for any of the shit he pulled if he hadn’t been 100% positive Cas had the best of intentions. Cas did all those things to save the world, and, sometimes, to save Dean personally. Which gives him the girliest, fuzzy feelings and also makes him want to punch a wall.

Cas throws him a pitying look. “Every time I ‘try’ to make things better, I fail.” He shakes his head. “When you were taken, I searched for months to find you. Kelly escaped on my watch, and I couldn't find her. I’m a… dumbass.”

“I thought you preferred ‘trusting,’” Dean jokes, and it only sounds a little forced.

Cas throws him an exasperated look. “Perhaps a few years ago. But now? I’ve made too many mistakes, and people have suffered - you and Sam have suffered - as a result. You don’t need to spare my feelings, Dean. It’s hardly what I deserve.”

Dean frowns, tapping his fingers against his glass as he takes in Cas's defeated air. “Hey, what’s with the pity party?”

“It’s not a ‘pity party’,” Cas counters. “These are basic facts.”

Dean leans forward, bracing his elbows on the table. “You aren’t serious.”

Cas stares back. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Dean rakes his gaze up and down Cas’s face, looking for a break, for a tell - even though he knows he won’t find any. “You saved the world. A couple of times by now.”

“I also personally put it in jeopardy more than once,” Cas mutters. “I trusted Crowley to steal Purgatory. I trusted Metatron to bring peace to Heaven. I trusted Lucifer to take out the Darkness.”

Dean’s heart sinks with every reminder of Cas’s greatest hits. “Come on…”

Cas’s mouth thins, lips pressing together as he raises his glass to his mouth. “You don’t need to stay to keep me company, either,” he says in a low voice. “I’m the one under the spell. If you have anything more pressing, I can wait here for Rowena.”

“Shut up,” Dean says automatically. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Cas exhales a weighty sigh, his shoulders losing some of their tension.

“Hey, what you need - hell, what we both need - is a win,” Dean says reassuringly. “Everything’s been such shit, you need a reminder to keep going.” He gets up from his seat, his legs itching to move. “Why don’t you tell me more about that man of yours?” he asks quickly, his words nearly tripping over themselves to get out before the regret sets in. “Maybe that’s the key to getting your head back in the game.”

Cas doesn’t say anything as Dean moves to peruse a row of books he has no intention of ever reading. Eventually, Cas protests without much conviction, “My head is in the game. I am still useful.”

Dean’s head jerks around so fast it nearly gives him whiplash. “That’s not what I meant.”

“It isn’t?” Cas asks, head tilting in confusion.

Dean makes a face. “I mean, if you’re feeling down, you… shouldn’t.”

“I don’t understand.”

Dean paces to the other end of the bookshelf, unbelievably annoyed at Cas for making him spell it out for him. “Forget it,” Dean says instead. “I still owe you for ganking Billie-”

“But the cosmic consequences-”

“Will suck, but in the meantime you saved our lives. I owe you.” Dean turns so he’s back to fully facing Cas. “So, tell me what this mystery guy is into.”

Cas’s eyes narrow at him. “I’d prefer not to talk about it.”

“Seriously?”

Cas straightens and nods.

“But,” Dean says, words failing as he wars with himself. He could push Cas for more info or keep on living in blissful ignorance. But if he has to choose between his own personal peace of mind or Cas experiencing the one pinnacle of human happiness (or so Dean’s been told in countless chick flicks he’ll take to the grave), it’s no choice at all. He starts again, “If you tell me about him, it’ll make this a lot easier.”

“I don’t want it to be easier,” Cas says, baffled. “I don’t want this to be anything.”

Dean gapes. “Why the hell not?”

Cas taps his empty glass on the table, irritated. “Please, leave it alone.”

“No,” Dean says mulishly. “I wanna help you, man.”

“I don’t want any help.”

“Well, tough shit because you’re getting it anyway. You’re family-”

Cas’s face does a weird spasm.

“-And that’s what you do for family,” Dean continues, a little confused and insulted. They are family; Cas said so, back when he thought he was dying in Ramiel’s barn.

“Drop it.”

“No,” Dean argues, shoving down everything else as his temper rises. “You’re hurtin’, and I can help. Why don’t you trust me? You trusted Crowley, Metatron, fucking Lucifer-”

Too far. Shit.

Cas whirls around, his face a mask of frustration and an emotion Dean has never seen before. “I did, and you know what? They screwed me. And, please forgive me, Dean, but I am tired of being used and used up, over and over.”

Dean blinks, his anger falling away to a raw hurt only Cas can dredge up. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Cas runs a weary hand down his face. He just shakes his head.

“C’mon, Cas, it’s me,” Dean says - pleads, really. “You know me better than anyone else, ’cept Sammy. I won’t do something like that.”

Cas glares. “I do know you, so I know that is exactly what will happen.”

Dean reels back, and he can’t save himself in time before an undoubtedly pained look spreads across his face.

Cas’s hostility cracks, but Dean’s already gotten the message.

So Cas’s one big happy loving family message was only a deathbed thing. That’s… fine. Dean’s done it himself, a time or two. Told Sam to live his life and not go looking for revenge or a way to fix it - all a crock of horse shit, of course. He should’ve figured Cas was more human than angelic with that poison pumping through his veins, making him all weak and sweaty. ’Course he wasn’t above feeling human sentimentality in his death throes.

Face hardening, Dean turns on his heel. “You were right about one thing. I guess I do have more important things to do than staying here with you.”

“Dean,” he hears behind him, but Dean doesn’t look back.

* * *

Dean always hides a spare bottle of booze in the bottom drawer of the desk in his bedroom. It's mostly empty, but, hopefully, by the time Dean's polished it off, Cas’ll be cured, Rowena will be gone, and they all can pretend this never happened - Dean can pretend that Cas stopped keeping secrets because he’s learned they always blow up in his face in the past six years.

Anyway.

First, the booze.

Dean’s barely wrestled the top off with shaking fingers of leftover anger when a knock sounds against his door.

“’S the witch gone yet?” Dean asks without lifting his head.

The door opens. “Dean, it’s me.”

Dean takes a long pull of whiskey.

Cas sighs, audible in the stuffy, tension-filled space between them. He doesn’t approach, instead hovering in the doorway, and isn’t that how it always goes? Always poised for flight, that’s Cas. “Dean,” he repeats, which only makes Dean's blood boil that much hotter.

“What?” he demands. “What do you want now? ’Cause I can’t think of a single thing you need from me, Cas.”

Cas presses his lips together. “You’re making this very difficult.”

“Me?” Dean barks incredulously. “You’re the one hiding things and not letting me help you.”

“You won’t accept this is one area in which you can’t help?” Cas asks quietly.

Dean makes a scoffing noise in the back of his throat.

Cas shakes his head, his gaze focusing on Dean’s face with his patented laser intensity. “You have no idea what you’re asking for.”

“Yeah, I’m just a jackass who can’t get a lady to stick around for more than a few hours. I get it.” He glances up to see Cas’s stricken expression. Frowning, Dean looks away.

Cas steps tentatively into Dean’s room, his face weirdly apprehensive. “That’s not what I meant at all.”

“Sure,” Dean says, tipping the bottle back like it’s water because he needs to be so much drunker to deal with Cas and his love spell bombshells right now.

Cas hovers awkwardly by Dean’s desk, his hands shoved into his coat pockets. “You’re so capable of love.”

“Cas-” Dean starts, but he has no idea where he’s going with this.

Cas keeps talking, thank God. “You don’t acknowledge that side of you very often, but I feel it every time we see each other, every time you’re with your brother. You care, you love, so wholly and completely.” Cas chuckles ruefully. “I didn’t realize it for a few years. I didn’t see how unique it was, how special you are, but you are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.”

Dean’s tongue finally unsticks from the roof of his mouth. Face flaming hotter than the inferno where he first met Cas eight years ago, he rasps out, “Cas - what the hell are you saying?”

Cas swallows, dragging his gaze back up to meet Dean’s wide eyes. “The reason I didn’t tell you about the love spell was because it couldn’t make me love you any more than I already do.”

Dean blinks, dumbfounded, at Cas, the words love you bouncing around his skull like a blocked radio signal. Cas said them; Dean heard them with his own two ears; but the meaning behind the words is getting lost in transmission.

As Dean’s brain struggles to make sense of just about everything, Cas nods once. “Well, now you know. I’ll go wait for Rowena’s cure in the kitchen.”

And then he leaves.

Dean slams the whiskey bottle down on his desk, cursing as it nearly topples over in his haste. He sets it right, swearing more as precious seconds pass by. He hurtles down the hall, half-convinced Cas lied to him to get a head start and is really halfway to Timbuktu.

But Dean finds Cas in the library, sitting more or less where he left him before Dean had his little wallowing session in his bedroom.

“Cas!” Dean blurts, skidding to a halt and grabbing onto the edge of the table for support.

Cas looks up, frowning. “I - “ he gives himself a little shake and starts again, “Is Rowena having trouble with the spell?”

“What?” Dean strides forward on shaky legs. “No - I mean, I don’t know. They could be fucking in a supply closet for all I care.”

Cas’s eyebrows shoot towards his hairline. For the first time today, he looks almost afraid. “Then why are you here?” he asks, his gaze darting towards the stairs to the exit. “I’m only going to stay in the Bunker until Rowena can finish. Then I will go.”

“Go?” Dean repeats, a spike of panic shooting up his spine. “You can’t.”

Cas inhales a sharp breath. “You want me to stay?”

“You want to bail?” Dean demands, his voice rising.

Cas pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. “You’re upset. This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“I’m not fucking upset!”

Cas throws him an unimpressed look. “You clearly are. Your pulse is rising. Your pupils are dilated. I can smell your elevated levels of adrenaline.”

Dean makes a face. “Dude - lines - crossed.”

“Fine,” Cas says, his face set. He gets up. “I can coordinate with Rowena at a later date. She should focus on the cursed box, anyway. It’s clearly a more pressing concern and the reason we called her in the first place.”

“Hey.” Dean takes a step forward. “Wait.”

Cas’s mouth sets in a thin line. “What do you want, Dean? I did as you asked. I told you the spell could only latch onto my feelings for you.”

Dean falters, his words failing him.

Cas’s shoulders slump. “I did warn you, you know,” he murmurs, trying to pass Dean on his way towards the door.

Dean grabs onto Cas’s bicep before he can disappear. “Gimme a moment. What you said - it’s a lot.”

Miracle of miracles, Cas stops.

Dean can practically feel the power thrumming underneath the trench coat sleeve in his grip, but Cas wordlessly lets Dean guide him back to the library table.

“Okay,” Dean starts, his head still mercilessly void of the right thing to say, “So that guy, the one you’re - well, it’s - he’s me?” he asks, stumbling over his words like he hasn’t since that one time Rhonda Hurley opened her underwear drawer.

Cas nods once, his face impossibly solemn.

“Right,” Dean grunts. He rubs at his chin, Cas watching the whole while. “That’s - wow.”

“Quite,” Cas says wryly.

“Hey, don’t be a dick,” Dean shoots back. “I had no idea.”

“That was the point,” Cas sighs. “But now you do.”

“Yeah,” Dean says, feeling like a tongue-tied idiot. If only he could be more like Cas with the grand declarations.

Cas opens his mouth, pausing for a beat before saying, “I was never intending to leave permanently. I will still help you figure out how to deal with Kelly Kline. I will still assist with research, translations, anything you need.” His blue eyes bore into Dean’s face. “I can still be useful.”

Dean’s chest aches. “Didn’t I tell you it wasn’t about that?” he asks gruffly.

Cas’s earnest expression falters. “Of course,” he says, subdued. “Regardless, know that I am always willing to help the Winchesters.”

“Jesus,” Dean mutters, “This isn’t - it’s never been - about you being goddamn useful.” He huffs an exasperated breath, frowning harder as Cas doesn’t immediately get it and launch himself at Dean.

God, that would make this so much easier.

“What you want?” Dean says, glaring daggers at the tabletop between them, “That whole, mind, body, soul crap? You got it.”

Cas blinks. “I’m sorry?”

“You already have it,” Dean says through gritted teeth.

Cas cocks his head like a perplexed chicken, still as clueless as ever.

It’s clearly time to bring out the big guns. If Cas is going to spout pretty speeches that steal Dean’s breath away and leave him weak-kneed but not actually, you know, make a move, Dean will just have to do everything himself.

Fine. That’s how he’s always operated, anyway.

Face determined, he leans over and grasps the lapels of Cas’s trench coat.

Cas leans back a fraction, his eyes widening in alarm or shock. But before he can utter another word, Dean brings their mouths together.

Cas takes a moment to get with the program. There’s a split-second (that lasts several years) when Cas almost seems to push Dean off him, but he kisses back before Dean can yank himself away first. Cas’s mouth is tentative against Dean’s, like he’s waiting for Dean to end it all and yell, “Got ya!”, but he unseals his lips with a light sigh as Dean gently parts them with his tongue.

Dean unclenches one hand from Cas’s lapel. He reaches up to cup Cas’s jaw, the raspy stubble a physical reminder of the goddamn win he’s finally getting. His knees twinge from awkwardly leaning over, but rampaging Leviathans could burst into the kitchen and Dean wouldn’t give any less of a fuck.

He has Cas right where he wants him, and he’s going to fucking savor it for as long as he can.

When Cas pulls away, his face shows nothing but pure confusion. “Why?” he breathes, raising a finger to touch his lips.

Dean, still half-standing, half-leaning over him, frowns. He falls back to his seat with a thump. “Because you weren’t going to do it first?”

Cas blinks. “I didn’t think you wanted anything like that,” he pauses, “with me.”

Like there’s anyone else around who wants to get real up close and personal with the most dumbass angel in the garrison.

“Yeah, well,” Dean says, the faintest inklings of embarrassment creeping in now they’re not kissing anymore and Cas’s first reaction isn’t to look like he got free tickets to Disneyland. “I did. Do.”

“Oh.”

Dean swallows past the lump in his throat.

Cas looks away from Dean for the first time, and Dean dies a little inside. Stiffy, Cas says, “If this is some misguided attempt to show your sympathy for my situation. I don’t appreciate the gesture.”

“Gesture?” Dean echoes, “What the hell are you on, man? I don’t kiss random dudes because I feel bad for them, Christ.”

“Then why?”

Dean grimaces. “You’re really going to make me say it?”

“Yes,” Cas says quickly, his gaze raking up and down Dean’s face. “I have misunderstood your actions in the past, and I have no desire to do it again.”

Dean groans. “Look, I didn’t think angels could have feelings like that.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Or I would’ve… done something about it sooner,” he says, and that’s mostly true. Probably would’ve tried to seduce Cas, failed, and then jumped off a cliff, but Cas doesn’t need to know that.

“Well, normal angels can’t,” Cas says, “but there’s something broken in me.”

“You’re not broken,” Dean swears loudly, his anger flaring. “You’re… better. A new and improved God Squad, far as I can tell.” He narrows his eyes, daring Cas to talk shit about himself one more time.

Cas bites his lip. “You truly mean it.”

Dean tries for a mocking leer, but it comes out more like a dopey, hopeful smile. “You wanna get it engraved? Put up in neon in the Dean cave?” he asks, eyebrows raised as excitement courses through his veins. Cas loves him. Dean can make good on all those what ifs that have been plaguing him for years. “Tattooed on my ass?”

Cas chuckles lightly. “That would be a start.”

Dean lets out a bark of laughter. He can already feel the insecurities looming on the horizon. There’s always a catch: Cas never stays; Cas might want Dean now, but he’ll fly away the moment Dean fucks up because he has no idea what he’s doing.

But none of that matters right now.

He kissed Cas.

And Cas didn’t smite him. Didn't tell him to fuck off. Didn't flutter off to the moon for shits and giggles.

Cas knows him, knows him better than anyone except Sam. And despite all the fucked up shit in Dean's head, Cas is staying anyway, with his eyes wide open like nobody else Dean has ever been with.

Cas smiles in return. “If I had known a love spell would result in this outcome, I would have sought out that witch ages ago.”

And just like that, all Dean’s happy-ending fantasies come to a screeching halt.

Read Part II here!

#destiel fanfic #profoundnet #fanfic #destiel #rae writes fic #canon divergence #season 12 #love spell au #minor samwitch #there is only try

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paralleledmediaexperience · 3 years

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a part 2 to this ficlet as requested by @xanthomonus in the notes! I’ve got at least one more part conceptualized (no way you can guess what’ll happen there) though i may extend it or add more, so if anyone would like to be tagged let me know!!

Sam is insistent that they try to research ways to get Cas back. Jack has explained that Amara won’t fail- it is simply the process of extracting an Angel from the Empty that takes time, since she didn’t want to wake or anger it like… well, like what Jack had done. He could feel Amara’s sincerity in a way that he was certain Sam and Dean wouldn’t understand, let alone be comforted by. She’d been in his head, crossed with his soul in the transfer of power. He’s kind of sure that if he hadn’t missed Cas so much too, she probably would have ignored Dean’s request altogether.

But it makes Sam look less frazzled when he’s able to lose himself in the research for something, and Jack doesn’t mind sitting with him and pretending he’s not hiding chapter books behind the large tomes. He’s been working his way steadily through some books Sam had collected for him last time they had been out shopping, and while he had enjoyed the first one (a mystery about siblings called the Boxcar children even though they no longer lived in a boxcar) he’d chosen Matilda next, because she sounded nice. And he was right! Matilda was his new favorite, even more than his last favorite, which had been Where the Wild Things Are.

He doesn’t even notice when Dean walks in, because Matilda had just glued a hat to her father’s head, but he does when Sam says, “What, none for me?”

“You’re a grown man, Sammy, you can make your own food. He’s four years old with a foot injury.” Dean says, scowling at Sam. The effect is rather ruined by both Dean’s flour dusted apron and the plate in his hands, and Jack smiles when he turns back to him instead. “You both missed lunch.”

Sam grumbles, but gets up anyway, stretching. “If you didn’t make me food how could I have missed it?”

“Shut up,” Dean shoots back half-heartedly. “Here, Jack, and don’t let him steal off your plate just because he got distracted reading.”

“Thanks, Dean!” Jack says brightly, moving his secret reading setup to the table instead of his lap and pushing it away, ignoring the way Sam’s eyebrows raise when he notices his no longer hidden book. Dean sets the plate down and ignores that Sam sends him one last annoyed face before heading off to the kitchen, where Jack knows there is going to be a plate ready for Sam, or at least a serving of the macaroni and cheese sprinkled with bacon bits and breadcrumbs that Dean’s brought him. “Are you making something else?”

“Just some bread,” Dean grimaces down at the mess of flour across his front, and Jack has to contain his giggles when the movement reveals a streak of flour in Dean’s hair.

“Just some bread,” Sam echoes, swinging back through the door with his own plate of macaroni. “Dean. Do I need to remind you that we need vegetables and can’t live off of carbs and meat alone?”

“It’s macaroni, Sam, quit whining and just enjoy it,” Dean rolls his eyes. “I swear, you’re the pickiest-”

“It’s not being picky, it’s eating healthy-”

“Same difference!” Dean insists, his twitching lips betraying the irritation in his voice.

“Just one meal with something green a day, Dean, I’m begging you.”

Eyes flicking back and forth as they snipe at each other, Jack takes an appreciative bite of the macaroni. Expectedly delicious, because Dean made it and Dean didn't make bad food the way Sam sometimes did. Mostly.

“Then beg,” Dean proclaims stubbornly, eyes narrowed. Sam doesn’t respond, his own expression pinching up into very familiar exasperation.

“Actually, I’ve never had brussel sprouts before, and Claire said I should try them!” Jack interjects. He isn’t sure what a brussel sprout is beyond a vegetable, but Claire had said he’d like them and that he should bother Dean into making them.

Dean looks unimpressed though, gaze switching from Sam back to meet Jack’s eyes. “You want me to make you brussel sprouts?”

“Please?” Jack tries, unsure if Dean thinks there is something wrong with brussel sprouts or if he is still simply offended by the concept of vegetables.

The please works, Dean’s capitulation coming in the form of a displeased huff and an, “Alright, fine.” He swings back around to point at Sam accusingly. “I’m blaming you for this.”

“As long as we get something from each of the five food groups, sure,” Sam says, taking his seat again. “And no, you don’t get to use tomatoes as the catch all.”

“Fine,” Dean bites out again, clapping Jack on the shoulder as he starts to turn away.

“Thank you Dean! Love you!” Jack says, and he hears Sam’s quick inhale just as he sees Dean almost stumble and he smiles to himself.

“Love you too, kid,” Dean manages to get out, hand squeezing just a bit tighter on his shoulder. “Alright, go back to your books, I have to go to the store for brussel sprouts apparently.”

The speed at which Dean walks away couldn’t be called running away but Jack definitely thinks it qualifies as retreating, and he straightens up a bit, very proud of himself for receiving his second ‘love you’ from Dean in twice as many days. He watches Dean get out the door before turning back around in his seat.

Sam is staring at him with a blinking mixture of incredulity and open affection, the smile on his face wide, if confused. “That’s… new?”

“Yep,” Jack confirms, pulling Matilda back towards himself and abandoning the pretense of reading the book Sam had suggested he search through. Sam had already searched it himself twice. He doesn’t manage to open it, because Sam continues.

“And I don’t need to check that it’s actually Dean?” Sam teases, bewilderment clear and pride clearer. “Saying yes to vegetables AND and I love you?”

“It turns out,” A voice whipcracks out, startling them both, “That Dean Winchester is actually a big old softie at heart. Who knew?”

“Balthazar?” Sam says, and Jack almost gets bowled over by the wave of shock. Balthazar? He knew that name. He stares openly, unheeded as Balthazar talks to Sam.

“Well, except Castiel, of course, but that Profound Bond of theirs hardly makes it fair,” The angel says, stepping forward. “Yes, Sam, I’ve been hand delivered back from the dead, at the temporary cost of my Grace. Don’t look at me like that.”

“Your grace?” Jack asks, curious about how Sam had been looking at him, but unwilling to turn around and take his eyes off of the angel Cas had once killed. “What do you mean?”

“Ah,” Balthazar strides over, and before Jack can say anything he’s got him clasped by both shoulders, staring into his eyes with a curiosity so intense Jack almost steps back towards the table. “And you’re Jack, I assume? I was warned that there would be no murdering of nephilim if I returned.”

“So Amara freed you?” Sam cuts in, and Jack huffs out a small breath as Balthazar lets him go to spin back around and face him. “Did she have a reason?”

Jack doesn’t voice his own question, which feels far more important. He wants to know when Cas will be back.

“Uh, yes?” Balthazar sneers. “Most of the angels are dead, Sam, no thanks to you and your brother and my brother. I’ll admit some of us deserved it- were rather asking for it, if you ask me- but it did leave dear aunty with rather less personnel than she wants to run heaven with.”

“She’s not grabbing all the angels, is she?” Jack breathes, terrified suddenly, despite Balthazar’s assurance that Amara had apparently set him off limits.

“Not a chance. Seemed to have a list in mind, and I think I was simply the first she found. I thought perhaps…” He trails off, just for a split second before he grins again, bright and covering up anything he might have been about to show. “Well, I didn’t, actually. Rather hard to do when you’re sleeping in eternal torment.”

Jack catches Sam’s flinch, and frowns at the other man. “Are you sure you were the first?”

Balthazar ticks his head to one side, considering. “Well, I’m the first to show up here, I’ll assume by your reactions, and given that she’s bringing us back graceless, I imagine any others will also be sent here.”

Jack scowls. If so, then Cas may be further off than he hoped. But this was- conclusive proof. Amara could do it, and now they would just have to deal with powerless angels until she came back and dealt with them herself. And Cas would be home.

Sam sighs, deep and weary and cheerless. “Yeah. That would make sense. Well, we can put this away, then.” He closes the book on the table with a hefty thump and then stacks Jack’s abandoned tome on top of it. “And I suppose we should try to make sure we have rooms ready. Jack, would you-”

“I’ll call Dean and let him know,” Jack says, suddenly tired and wanting to get away from Balthazar, still staring at him hawkishly, wanting to be away from the library, where more angels could show up without warning. He wants to hide in his room or possibly Cas’ until Amara brings him back and takes all the others back to heaven or whatever she planned to do. He wishes viciously in his head that he hadn’t opened his mouth about brussel sprouts and that Dean was still here in the kitchen where Jack could escape to without feeling alone. As it is, he grabs Matilda and his plate, still half full of macaroni, ready to walk away, but he catches Balthazar’s face again.

“You’re hungry,” Jack realizes as he says it. Balthazar has a facial journey of his own to deal with that fact before he grimaces.

“Human,” he says, displeasure and embarrassment warring on his features, even as his stomach growls.

Jack doesn’t want Balthazar here, he doesn’t want Amara to try to find anyone but Cas, or at least to find Cas first, and he most definitely doesn’t want to share his food that Dean made him, or Dean and Sam’s attention in general, and he swallows all of this down and he says, “Here. If you’ve never been human before, you’ve never really tasted food, right? Dean’s always makes the best food.”

He holds out the plate and drops it into Balthazar’s hands and tries his best not to stomp out like a real child, or run out like he’s scared, but he makes it around the corner and leans against the wall, out of sight.

Except that Sam immediately pokes his head around, following him. “Jack?”

“I don’t like this,” Jack says plainly, staring up at Sam like maybe he could explain why all of the good feelings he’d been having had shriveled up in his stomach and refused to leave, even though Sam clearly didn’t think Balthazar was an actual threat to them.

“I could tell,” Sam says, almost teasing again, but he drops it immediately. “Is it okay, Jack? Because we can absolutely just send him and any others that show up to the nearest motel instead.”

“No,” He says immediately, but he pauses after, thinking. He takes a deep breath in, trying to ease the odd tightness inside his chest. “No. They can stay here until Amara gets back. I just…”

“Don’t like it,” Sam nods, as if that explains it, and Jack guesses it does. “Well, Dean won’t like it either, so you can let him know that the two of you are free to hole up wherever you’d like to get away from them, and I’ll try to deal with them myself as much as I can.”

The tightness in his chest does soften, another breath rushing out like he’d been holding it. “Thanks, Sam.”

“You know I love you too, Jack,” Sam says, earnest and open and Jack barely makes the decision to hug him but he ends up wrapped up in Sam’s arms anyhow.

“I do. I know. Love you, Sam,” Jack says, fixing his grip on Matilda as he pulls away. “Okay, I need to go call Dean, because if he leaves the store before-”

“He won’t want to turn around, yeah,” Sam laughs.

Jack can’t help the smile that bursts across his face. “Well, I can’t use it too often, or it might not work anymore, but maybe if I say please.”

#Jack Kline #Sam Winchester #Dean Winchester #Balthazar #supernatural #my fic #creativecaviar #me remembering that time i tricked my cousin into eating brussel sprouts. ehehehehe.#also!!! what the FUCK balthazar's voice is very difficult but also very fun and rewarding to write so PLEASE tell me whether it reads okay #my in my head: ive seen four year olds become territorial when their parents have visitors this is gonna be SO funny #anyway Jack IS going to get I love you's from all his dads thank you much. we just gotta wait for Cas.#this isn't going on ao3 until i have a good name for it so if you like reading better there suggest a fic name this time so it can go up

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americachavez · 4 years

Note

I know I shouldn’t be turning to to individuals as like a Source™️, but I’ve tried google and come up with nothing. Could you explain what The Jackles Long Con is?

there is no conceivable way of answering this without making me sound like an insane person so if you are reading this and know me in real life please look away. I’m a normal human woman who knows a normal amount of things about the cw’s supernatural

I’m absolutely not providing sources for any of this btw because that would mean I think this is legit. which haha, would be insane. or would it 🤔

anyways here is what I know:

up until basically last week everyone (including fans lol) was convinced that jensen ackles was WILDLY uncomfortable with the gay subtext in spn, based on like, every single thing he’s said and done in public since 2008 apparently. I’m not gonna go hunting for sources because that’s insane but he’s not always had the best PR presence when it comes to handling queer fans/questions about queer rep so this wasn’t an unfair accusation

not that I blame him, this fandom was psychotic

I say that like I’m not typing up an explanation for the jackles longcon in 2020. I can admit to being a hypocrite

ANYWAYS everyone had it in their heads that jackles was lowkey homophobic or at least uncomfortable with the queer interpretations of the character he played on tv because he related heavily to said character and is a 40 year old straight american man. again. this is not an unfair accusation against him.

THAT BEING SAID he seemed to change his tune or at least not be so loudly against it in the last...idk, year? I haven’t followed this much because at no point in my life have I ever wanted to know about the opinions or lives of actors on the CW network and yet. here I am

it’s pretty much a fact that he didn’t like the ending. he’s said he struggled with it and had to be talked around by multiple people including kripke. everyone thought it was because it was gay, turns out he just has taste

what we do know is that he has talked more about ep18 than he has about the finale. this is more probably due to NDA clauses but STILL

he asked a crew member to film the confession scene so he’d have an unedited version of it, and also mentioned that there were a lot more reactions on his part that were cut

he also shared fan reaction videos to the confession with misha collins, although the way he describes that is more akin to a scientific observer documenting animals in the wild lol. again this is a straight man in his 40s, he’s trying ok

halfway through this explanation and it just occurred to me that jensen ackles being homophobic and still a bigger proponent for canon destiel/bi dean than anyone else at the CW would be the funniest thing that has ever happened to me so I am IMMEDIATELY choosing to pivot to that angle and will believe that until proven otherwise

oh somewhat related someone also brought up that he was really really against fridging charlie, so never mind I changed my mind again, one true ally of the Communité jensen ackles

he’s talked about dean’s reaction to that scene, and did not say definitively that dean doesn’t reciprocate. he’s said that dean’s reaction is more due to misunderstanding castiel’s intentions because of the species difference. jensen said hashtag dumbass dean rights

ackles (and his wife, known cas girl danneel) has been virtually silent since the show ended. the only major thing he’s posted related to the show has been that IG post of the rebar

the only two tweets he liked (at least as of saturday when I stopped paying attention to this) about the show were misha collins’ tweet and bobo berens’ tweet about ep 18. berens is the writer of ep18 and that was his last episode

he unfollowed andrew dabb on twitter in 2017

this is all to say. everyone is now convinced that jensen ackles has been on board with canon destiel since at least the beginning of season 15, and has started his own production company with the intent to film a post-canon miniseries fixit to make that happen. I am only slightly joking here

#reply tag #anonymous #spn tag #WHOOOOO WANTS TO GET CRAZY

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mersuperwholocked-lowlife · 4 years

Text

For The Greater Good

Word Count: 1,484

Characters: Dean Winchester, Reader, Leviathans, Dick Roman, Sam Winchester (brief), Castiel (brief)

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Daughter!Reader

Warnings: angst

A/N: ehh, i thought why not make a part two for “Safe” so here u go

Masterlist

Your breath was shaky as you leaned against the wall, laying down. Your clothes were ripped, your face was covered in sweat, tears, and dirt. Your entire body aches from bruises and cuts. Your wrists were in pain, looking at the rope burns on them.

You were tired, but you refused to sleep, afraid of what would happen.

You poked your head up, hearing a noise, the door was opening, as a light shone in your cell. You squinted your eyes, gasping softly.

“Come with me,” the man said. You could barely make out his face as you pushed yourself into the corner, trying to stay away from the man.

A leviathan, he called himself. Whatever that was.

“Get up and come with me,” he repeated. You could hear the anger in his voice.

“Please, just leave me alone,” your voice was barely above a whisper as tears fell from your eyes once more.

“Get up,” he stepped into the cell, looking down at you.

“I can’t…. please stop,” you shook your head, as you sobbed.

He began walking towards you as you screamed, begging him to go.

“Please, stop hurting me!” you screamed as you tried pushing him away.

He put his fingers in your hair, yanking you up as you cried out in pain.

“J-Just kill me. P-Please kill me,” you cried.

He gripped your arm tightly as he pulled you with him.

---

It’s been a while, maybe weeks, maybe months. You had no way of keeping track of time or keeping track of anything. You hadn’t been exposed to sunlight, leaving yourself to grow paler.

The only person you could blame was yourself. If you hadn't trusted him. Why was he hurting you? Why did he do this to you? He’s supposed to be your dad, he’s supposed to keep you safe.

But instead, he hurts you. Why did you trust that he would want to come back to you after all these years?

You could feel yourself fading away. Whether it was the pain from torture, the lack of sunlight and food, or dehydration. You could barely make out what was only a few feet in front of you, your vision blurry.

But nothing could make you forget that familiar voice as he walked into your cell, opening the door.

“Come with me,” he said.

“N-No more… please,” your body had nothing left to produce your tears as you laid against the wall. Even if you wanted to fight him off, you couldn't.

“Come on! There’s not a lot of time,” he walked into your cell as you let out a cry.

“Please stop hurting me…” you cried.

“I’m not gonna hurt you. (Y/N),” Dean ran next to you, putting his hand on your back.

“I-I can’t take anymore, p-please,” you cried.

“(Y/N), I’m not gonna hurt you. You have to listen to me right now. It’s me. It’s Dean,” he said softly as you closed your eyes, leaning against the wall.

“That man who took you, who was hurting you. That wasn't me. I swear I will explain everything. But you have to come with me right now, okay?” Dean gave you a worried look, his eyes red as he looked at your broken figure.

What more did you have to lose.

“I can’t move,” you said softly.

“I got you,” he wrapped his arms around your legs and back, picking you up as he held you tightly.

You closed your eyes, barely having enough energy to hold onto Dean. You were so tired, finding it harder and harder to stay awake. You fell unconscious, your body going limp in Dean’s arms.

---

You opened your eyes, jumping up as you looked around, scared. You were in some motel room, and you felt fine. All your bruises and cuts were mysteriously healed.

“(Y/N),” you heard Dean say softly behind you.

You gasped softly, turning to him as you took a few steps backward, away from him.

“I-I'm not gonna hurt you,” he said softly.

You continued to keep your distance as you sniffled.

“That thing that hurt you, that wasn't me. It just looked like me and was trying to use you to get to me,” Dean explained.

“How?” you asked softly.

“That thing was called a leviathan. It’s evil and twisted. And it can look like anyone at any time,” you remembered back, hearing the man talk about leviathans.

“What are they?” you whispered.

“They’re monsters,” he said.

“So monsters are real,” you said, slightly in shock as you scoffed.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you, (Y/N),” he said, walking to you as you continued to stay away from him.

“I-If that thing didn't take me, y-you wouldn't be here right now,” you said softly.

“(Y/N),” Dean began.

“D-Did you even miss me? Or think about me? You just left me. You wouldn't even be here if it weren't for that l-leviathan,” you stuttered, your eyes watering.

“(Y/N), no. Look,” Dean tried to explain as you cut him off.

“I-I was alone. My mom died and all I wanted was you. And made fun of me. Everyone picked on me because I thought you were going to c-come back and save me because you loved me. Everyone said you didn't want me,” warm tears fell from your face as you looked up at Dean shakily.

“I’m sorry, I should've come for you,” he said softly.

“Was I not enough for you?” you cried softly.

“No, God no, don’t think that. I swear I only did this to protect you. I wanted to keep your safe,” he said, his eyes red.

“Everyone around me dies, (Y/N). I didn't want the same fate for you. You have to believe me when I tell you that all I’ve ever wanted was to keep you safe,” he said.

“T-That's what he said,” you whispered.

“I’m not him, (Y/N). That day… I saw you. In that diner, I ran into you. I tried to find where you were staying, and by the time I did, you were already gone. He took you, and I’ve been trying to look for you. Whatever he said wasn't true, whatever he did, it wasn't me,” his voice broke.

You could feel your heart aching as you ran to Dean, wrapping your arms around him tightly.

“Please don't leave me again. “P-Please,” you cried.

He looked down at you, kissing your forehead as he held you tightly.

“I-I won't,” you didn't notice as a tear fell from Dean’s cheek, as he looked up, looking at Castiel, nodding softly.

“It’s time,” you jumped slightly, hearing Castiel’s voice from behind you.

“What’s going on? Who are you?” you noticed Dean held you tighter.

“Baby girl, know that I’ll always love you, okay?” Dean said softly.

“What’s going on? Dad?” you tried to push him away from you.

“Now, Cas,” Dean said.

“What are you doing? You said you weren't gonna hurt me!” you screamed, as Castiel walked behind you.

He placed two fingers on your forehead as you cried before your body fell limp.

Dean held your body carefully, laying on to the bed.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Sam asked.

Dean stayed silent, looking at your body.

“We can figure something out. She can stay with us,” Sam said.

“No. This life isn't for kids. It’s not safe for her. It's for the greater good,” Dean could feel his heart pounding as he spoke.

but it didn't make what he said any less true. He just wanted to keep you safe.

“I am sorry, Dean. She will be safe,” Castiel said, holding you as he disappeared.

---

You groaned, waking up in some abandoned alley. You sat up, rubbing your head as you attempted to recall the events of the past couple of days. But you couldn't. The last thing you remembered was leaving that diner.

“Angels are really dumb too,” you heard a man standing behind you as you jumped.

“Uhm, sorry?” you raised an eyebrow.

“I’m hungry. And you look delicious. But, wouldn't it hurt your daddy more if you were shot? He’d have to see your body,” the leviathan began.

Your face dropped, taking steps away from him.

“Whatever you’re about to do, don't. I don't have a dad,” you said, shaking your head.

“Dick Roman. Nice to meet you, (Y/N),” you could feel your veins grow colder as you looked at the man.

How did he know your name? How did he know you?

“Whatever you want, we can talk it out,” you said.

“Talk is for the weak,” he pulled a gun out of his pocket, aiming it at your chest as you put your hands up.

“Please don't do this. Whatever you want… please,” you begged, taking a shaky breath.

“Goodbye,” you closed your eyes as he cocked his gun.

Bang

#supernatural #Supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural angst #supernatural family #SPN #spn fic #SPN FANDOM #spn angst #dean #dean winchester #dean winchester angst #dean winchester imagines #dean x reader #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester x daughter!reader #dean winchester x reader

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