#they’re beautifully tragic

[chasingthestarss]

Sirius “I can go anywhere I want just not home” Black

And

Regulus “I’m right where you left me” Black

[amourology]

i’m crying about eremika again

[gay-dorito-dust]

Would you be willing to write a Miguel x Spider!Reader oneshot where they’re arguing over something the reader did on a mission. And in the heat of an argument, Miguel yells “Because I love you!” at the perfectly wrong time, revealing why he cares about the reader’s safety.

‘What the hell was that back there. You could’ve jeopardised the whole mission with that reckless stunt you pulled back there!’ Miguel barked, ripping off mask the first moment moment he could; Hellfire were setting ablaze to his beautiful scarlet eyes that were zeroed in on you as the anger, the frustration upon his face became prominent the more he closed the distance between you.

‘When will you let this go, Miguel. When we became Spider-Man we knew the risks that we were running with-‘ ‘so you thought it’d be better to take a running head start by taking the leap and then diving headfirst into them?!’ Miguel cuts you off and with an indignant huff he adds, ‘you don’t get extra points for being reckless, this isn’t some little game that you can just come back to when you feel like it. No, what we do is a full time commitment with no room for last minute deviations just because you were feeling more heroic.’

You grit your teeth. You respected Miguel, you truly did and at one point in time you wanted to do right by his little rule book of how to be a great hero. However you soon learned that it’s better to play by your own rules rather then it was to play by those made by others and slowly but surly found a method that worked for you. For no two methods were the same when it came to protecting and saving people but if they both end in the same conclusion, then no one should be able to raise an issue with it. At the end of the day you and Miguel saved people from a much bigger problem if left unchecked; so why was it that all of a sudden he had an issue with your methods?

It never upset him this much before, so why now. Did he think you as incapable? As unreliable? As untrustworthy to fully let you handle a situation on your own? Whatever it was it only proved in pissing you off despite your semi-injured state; you didn’t care that you’ve gotten hurt, you’ve gotten hurt plenty of times before and he never once batted an eye or exemplified his emotions as he did as of right now. You could barely get a read on the guy as he stood mere feet away, chest heaving even though he wasn’t out of breath, eyes wide and his hair slightly disheveled from the way he had torn off his mask earlier.

And yet you couldn’t help but find him beautiful in his anger, for it was like witnessing the makings of a Greek tragedy; beautifully written, yet so heartbreakingly tragic.

‘Why does it matter?’ You spat, getting up, despite your injured leg’s desire to buckle beneath the weight of not only you but the situation at hand. You saw the briefest movements of Miguel’s arms almost stretch out to instinctively catch you but stopping midway through the motion before going slack at his sides once more; as though remembering why he was mad at you in the first place. ‘It never mattered before, so why does it matter now? You don’t hound the others for doing it so why is it me that’s getting shit on for doing the same when I ain’t the first to do so!’

‘Because I love you!’ Miguel exclaimed.

The silence afterwards was almost deafening. Miguel’s outburst quieted you quickly as a thousand and one thoughts raced in your head; how long? why now? Was this merely a ruse to silence you so he could badger on at you for your supposed mistake? You didn’t know what to make of anything anymore now that he said that. You didn’t want to believe it for starters on the basis that not once had he ever shown interest in you, if anything he made it apparent to push you away or avoid you entirely from any and all interaction, and even when he did it was comprised of short responses that left the attempts at conversation to die as an overwhelming awkwardness forced you into leaving him be.

‘What?’

‘I love you.’ Miguel repeated, softer this time.

‘I get that but why-‘ ‘haven’t I shown it until now? As stupid as it sounds but I didn’t want you to get hurt because of me and look where you are,’ he gestured to your injured state, ‘hurt because of me.’ He adds defeatedly. You were about to open your mouth when Miguel raised a hand, indicating that he wasn’t finished, ‘I know I haven’t given you any reason to believe me when I say that I love you. I avoid you like the plague and I push you away whenever I see you starting to get too close and respond in a clipped tone of voice so that you’d loose interest and move on to talk to someone else.’

He stopped talking to move in closer to you, grasping you by arms with a firm grip as all the anger in his face seemingly having been melted away. The raging hellfire that once consumed his scarlet eyes in their entirety had been diminished to that of dying ambers, unveiling his admiration, his worry, his guilt and most importantly, his love; the sneer now long gone was replaced by a softer more tender expression that didn’t hide away the worry lines that were deeply etched into his skin. ‘I don’t deserve you, I’m not worth having you because sooner or later you’ll see me the way I’ve always seen myself and I’d rather you be as far away as possible when that happens.’ Miguel said, making sure he was maintaining eye contact with you the entire time to prove that he was being wholeheartedly genuine, not wanting to lie to you about something as personal as his feelings; He’s done that for long enough, Miguel knew his breaking point was upon the incline and seeing you act the way you did during the mission only fast forward it.

‘Yet for some inexplicable reason I can’t stop myself for wanting to protect you, to make sure you’re safe, to make sure that you never come to harm. At first I thought it was because I was looking out for a teammate, making sure you didn’t slip up and cause more potential problems for the rest of us, making sure that you didn’t let a single perpetrator slip but soon I learnt it was far more then just simply looking after a teammate...’ Miguel paused to blink away the images regarding of the nightmares he’d get concerning you, which were few and far between but those times were enough to suffocate him with fear. ‘It was something more and I grew scared, I grew scared because I know what it’s like to loose it all but for some reason I also knew that loosing you would just be the nail in the coffin for me.’

Miguel admits as he presses his forehead against your own, his hands trailing from up your arms until they’re caressing the skin of either side of your neck between calloused thumbs. He closing his eyes and allows himself to breath you in, reminding himself that you were here and that he managed to get to you before anything else could, that he kept you safe, not from all harm but at least from some of it and that was good enough but he knew deep down that he needed the do better. ‘Don’t make me imagine a life without you,’ he whispers, pressing his forehead against yours just that tiny bit harder as his fingertips found their home where your pulse points were to remind him that you weren’t gone completely from his grasp, ‘for I don’t think I’m strong enough to withstand that reality.’

‘You don’t have to.’ You told him softly, lifting your hands to caresses the skin of his cheeks and feeling him effectively melt within your hold. ‘Not anymore.’

[sp0o0kylights]

Indie horror filmmaker Eddie Munson, high off his first big (underground but notable) success, knows the movers and shakers of the film world have their eyes on him. 

They're just waiting to see if he was a one hit wonder before they open all the doors he's been trying to kick down. 

His next upcoming film is his chance, his shot at finally making it. Of being like Rob Zombie and the other creators he looks up to that masterfully blended metal and horror. 

This is his golden ticket. 

The project starts off smooth. His last success has greased the wheels, and things fall into place faster than ever before. 

He's got the best idea for this insane haunted house story, a true "mazes in mazes" type of deal with a queer twist. A real look at how a place can haunt a person just as easily as a ghost can.

 Everything's going swimmingly--until one of his leads drops out the day they're due to start shooting.

No call no show's, and later, Eddie will find out the guy got a last second call back to be a contestant on one of those Love Island bullshit romance gigs (and laugh his ass off when the main love interest takes one look at Billy Hargrove and goes on a five minute rant about ugly mullets on national television) but right now? 

He's fucked. 

He's called in every favor he has for this film. Maxed out every credit card he owns, tapped every contact, got on his hands and knees and begged his rising star journalist best bud to help him market it. (Which Nancy agreed too, for way less cash than she should have.) 

 Eddie can't get anyone on the phone, much less find a replacement actor and the amazing place they rented, that is so dark and wonderfully eerie, is booked out the rest of the year as an AirBnB. 

If he doesn't film now, he loses it all.

Cue the other lead, unknown theater actor Steve Harrington, watching his hair pulling, tire kicking, 'cursing and hopping while holding a toe' mental breakdown and asks why Eddie himself doesn't act in it. 

"Just go full Kevin Smith man. Act and direct." He says, with an easy grin. 

Jeff, Eddie's tried and true videographer, trades glances with Gareth and Grant (Eddie's long used special effects and makeup team, who double for about twelve other jobs because they're also his best friends and they're all in this together, make or break.)

"We don't really have a lot of other options." Gareth hedges. "You're already using me and Grant as background characters." 

Eddie, hands fluttering around his face as though trying to wave away this entire situation, squeezes his eyes shut and lets out a pained hiss. 

"Fine, fine!" He announces with the air of a man running towards a fire. "Fuck it, this is our one shot and so help me I will be shooting it!" 

Steve politely hides a laugh with a cough. 

"Chuckle all you want big boy, I'm going to tragically romance you so hard people will forget both of our characters actually live." Eddie snarls.

Steve, the handsome bastard, just winks.  "Looking forward to it." 

Eddie blushes, but hides it with a surge of frantic energy, conveyed by lots of yelling and moving and getting the ball rolling. 

Two days later, Steve would give the performance of a lifetime down on his knees, covered in a literal pound of fake gore, booty shorts and nothing else as he sobbed about how a lover could become a home. His hands clawed at Eddie's jeans before resting a tear stained face on a slim leg as he bent his body towards Eddie like it hurt to be away from him. 

Eddie would later receive equal praise in his own acting during the scene, with the world and every reporter in it asking how he conveyed an otherworldly panic so beautifully throughout Steve's performance. What was he thinking, to evoke those expressions on his face? 

The way his own pale hand, unmarred by blood and acting as a metaphor for the plot, would come to stroke Steve's cheeks.

Eventually he'd come up with a smooth polished answer that cheekily pleased his audience, but nothing would ever come close to the truth. 

("Eddie I've known you since grade school." Jeff said that night, a scant few hours after they'd wrapped. "You can act man, but not like that." 

Eddie made a wild "shut up" gesture, looking frantically over his shoulder before admitting; "You saw how close his face was to the prince of darkness!? I was seconds away from popping a boner next to his lips, in front of the 4K camera!” 

Eddie bounced into Jeff’s face so he could hiss: “He fucking had his chin on my thigh, Jeff, and I am only a man. A mere mortal!" 

"So we're gonna unpack all of that later." Jeff said finally, when he'd managed to get his mouth working and Eddie back out of his personal space. "But dude, we've talked about you calling your dick the prince of darkness." 

Eddie flipped him off.) 

One year later and critics named Corroded the best horror film of the year, praising the camera work, practical effects, and how there wasn't a soul alive who was surprised to hear Eddie and Steve were dating after their explosive on screen chemistry.

No one ever quite understood the prince of darkness jokes or why Steve mentioning it made Eddie blush, but that was a secret to find out later. 

Today on WIP’s I have no intention of writing, indie horror movie AU!

[popomegranate]

One thing I think is super interesting about Winter King is how he doesn’t really remember his Betty, or care that she’s gone. Simon is obviously perplexed because Betty is “the great love our life” but Winter King doesn’t remember it that way (now excluding Winter Kings terrible actions). I love this acknowledgement because a thought I’ve had about Betty and Simon for a long time is, they aren’t good for each other. They love each other, and they had a good relationship but they’re main problem is that neither could let the other go. They both went mad for each other (Simon turning into ice king, Betty going mad to try and reverse it). Betty even summoned Golb, a being that could’ve destroyed Oo completely if she hadn’t also banished him away, once again, to save Simon.

I think it’s also worth acknowledging that Betty put her own life on hold to instead search for the Enchiridion with Simon. The show itself acknowledges Betty’s life would probably have been better if she hadn’t met Simon (apocalypse not withstanding).

In a way it’s beautiful, the way they constantly gave up their own sanity and their own lives for each other but Simon still can let go. He wants her back and at this point it’s a cycle they have going and I think the end of this season of Fionna and Cake we’re gonna see Simon finally letting go of Betty, thus letting the cycle end.

Simon and Betty are a beautifully tragic example of Star-Crossed lovers that were never meant to be.

[carowleysposts]

When I tell you I NEED Aziraphale and Crowley to kiss again, I mean it.

Anyone who thinks asexual people don’t kiss (or don’t have sex, but that’s not the point of this post) is misinformed. Asexual people - or celestial beings, for that matter - absolutely can and do express feelings and desires by acting physically upon them. Many ace people enjoy the sensations, the nuances, the feelings involved in the physical expressions of love - the only difference is HOW they experience attraction, which has NOTHING to do with kissing or sex, but with what motivates wanting to do those things.

With that said, let’s go back to everyone’s favorite idiots: Aziraphale and Crowley.

During their kiss, you can literally see them pulling each other in, like they need to be as close as physically possible in that moment. You can see it as Aziraphale embraces Crowley for a split second, and you can see it as Crowley throws himself onto Aziraphale more and more during the kiss. He can’t even pull back for a single second, not even to adjust to the kiss - he just GLUES his lips to Aziraphale’s.

Aziraphale’s look after the kiss CANONICALLY means “do it again, please, right now”, as Rob Wilkins already clarified. And that is writing perfection. It creates the angst - the cue - we need to make sure a second kiss - the reward - happens. I’ve been saying this in almost every post, but here i go again: the whole point of angst is that it HAS to pay off eventually, it HAS to be followed by relief, otherwise it’s just angst for the sake of angst.

Aziraphale mouths “no” as Crowley is leaving. He doesn’t say it, but he wants to. Whatever that means, whatever the reason for the “rejection” after the kiss was, the kiss changed something. He wasn’t expecting it, but he was heartbroken to see that Crowley thought he didn’t want it. You can see him not being able to keep his eyes off the door - and later on, off the window he can see Crowley through. He almost changes his mind - and that is still true even if he had a plan all along, he didn’t think Crowley would KISS him and that blows his mind.

He touches his lips after Crowley leaves. He relives that moment by doing so, but also realizes something completely new: Crowley did what Aziraphale had spent millennia wishing for him to do, but did it in the worst possible moment. He almost loses the strength to carry on with whatever it is his plan required. But he doesn’t. He pulls it together, and goes back to heaven.

Wether Crowley knows he has a plan (the “trust me” theory) or believes he was truly rejected, they both know they crossed that line for good. They both know that, if they’re ever reunited, they will never be able to act like platonic friends again. Aziraphale, in a beautifully made parallel to the ox rib scene, realizes he had been starving for Crowley’s touch. And that is just absolutely beautiful.

If you’ve seen my post about why this couple NEEDS a happy ending, you already know why i think Good Omens is the perfect show to give queer couples back their hopes for love. I think we are all tired of the tragic gays / couple baiting fictional couples. Now we need the happily ever after. The fairytale. The cheesy, chaotic, rom-com-y, EPIC resolution. We NEED them to kiss again. We NEED them to be happy.

I REST MY CASE.

[tacobellabeanburrito]

hello this is Anon again. could you please direct me to your favorite Ace Attorney fics? I’ve read pretty much all the popular ones so I’m looking for some more niche ones :) thank you!!

Oh Anon… You sweet, sweet summer child. You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.

I was already planning on doing an Ace Attorney fic rec list because I wanted to share some of my favorite ones (A lot of the ones I read aren’t on many of the regular fic rec lists, so I wanted to share some ones that I feel like are really good and maybe don’t get enough recognition) So I am very glad you asked Anon, gives me reason to actually continue on my fic rec list! I love sharing my favorite fics!

Most of them are Narumitsu, couple are Krisnix, and some are both. Also a couple stragglers out there without a ship as well. There will also be some smut ones (Don’t judge please lmao) (Also, just saying. There’s no good Krisnix in this fic list, all of it is seen as toxic, I ship them as Toxic Tragic Yuri and they’re not good as a real relationship. Just a disclaimer)

Some will have big blurbs about them from me explaining their plot a little and what I like about them. For others, I’ll just post them because I don’t really feel like talking about them in detail. But I promise they’re all good!

I’m not going to link them this time, cause I dunno how to do that without making a huge mess cause there’s so many and I don’t want my post to be wonky. And I’m also not going to categorize them because I’m eepy and didn’t get enough sleep last night, so you can figure it out yourself Anon lmao.

(But if you can’t find any, please tell me I’ll help)

So, without further ado… Here are my fic recs!

-

Fics:

Perfect by Sideblog: My absolute, all time favorite AA fic! Ever! Literally ever! I don't really wanna talk about the plot because that basically spoils the whole thing and I don't wanna do that to you, you just gotta read it! It is beautifully written and has an amazing concept that I would never think of in a million years! Seriously, so criminally underrated to the point of I have no idea how it doesn’t have like 15,000 hits on A3O. Even though I didn't explain much of the plot, just know that it is incredible and absolutely worth a read. I come back to it sometimes to read it because IT IS THAT GOOD. When I first saw this fic I didn’t really know what to expect because there weren’t any warnings or practically anything. Very mysterious fic. So glad I read it, though. When you get done reading this Anon, you gotta tell me what you think.

El Capo A Fine by tellezara: There’s something incredible about specialized Au fics in which you can tell that despite whatever the Au fic is about, the writer has an absolute love for the subject. This one is about musical instruments and Ace Attorney characters being part of an orchestra, and you can tell that this person has done orchestra before (Or at least thoroughly researched it and has a love for it) because they put in so many facts and interesting tidbits about instruments and the orchestra world that I never knew about and I loved learning about all of it. Fics like these are very special in my opinion because those people write it out of pure love for whatever the subject is and whatever the fandom is. Anyway, fic good. (Makes me wanna write an Ace Attorney choir fic, that’s my speciality)

The Miraculous Disappearance of Phoenix Wright by JJsADragon: Was on a road trip when I first read this and literally could NOT. STOP. READING. HAD ME GRIPPED. EDGE OF CARSEAT. The whole plot is basically a parody of "It's A Wonderful Life" where Phoenix ends up in a universe where he was never born. Which, as you can guess, causes a myriad of problems for the legal world and world in general. I had no idea where the plot was going, didn't know how it was going to end, and WAS TERRIFIED. But. I kept reading anyway. IT IS THAT GOOD.

Miles Edgeworth: The Ace Attorney by Charybdia: I SPENT AGES. AGES. Looking for a good, finished Ace Attorney roleswap fic. And when I found this one I STRUCK GOLD. SWEAR IT. Amazing, love this one. Still come back to it. IT’S GOT OBNOXIOUS THEATRE KID PHOENIX WRIGHT, HOW CAN I NOT LOVE IT? It also is accompanied by art Also, also, We get good friend Larry Butz. WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR?

Carpe Diem (make your lives extraordinary by Elysya): A high school Au featuring theater kid Phoenix, debate kid Miles and third wheel Larry. I loved this one. It’s also just super interesting. The developing relationship between Phoenix and Miles is one that I really like as they’re both messy teenagers and really gotta work out their flaws if they wanna be together.

Begone Dull Care by VivaRockSteady: A good Au fic surrounding patient Miles and nurse Phoenix. Goes into good detail about recovering from suicide and depression, and recovering from other mental health issues. Also check out some of the other fics by this writer. One is an Au of the Truman Show and the other is a Roman/Greek Au that I found incredibly interesting.

if you leave the light on by AngstinSpace: A very good fic. I was reading this one in my study hall and my teacher was playing calming piano music that was kinda sad/melancholic and I started tearing up in class because I was feeling all the emotions. Girl this is good, go read it.

I used to think people were good but now I just think they’re people by thebirdsandtheboxes: SEVERELY UNDERRATED. Super good and goes very in-depth into Phoenix’s disbarment period and how he and his friends and family react. Also has some good Asexual!Miles moments.

This man is not your boyfriend by its_ok_inside: AN AMAZING FIC CENTERING AROUND PHOENIX HAVING AMNESIA AND MILES HELPING HIM DEAL WITH IT. Hilarious. Super funny. I love it. Also is accompanied by some artwork. FUCK YEAH THIS FIC. A classic.

Surviving You by pantswarrior: I’m pretty sure this is an older fic that got moved, and it kinda shows that in its writing (Yk those fics that you can tell were written in the 2000s/early 2010s based on their vocabulary and thoughts on gay relationships? Kinda like that) but it’s good. Very good.

A False Start by theacegrace: A phenomenal fic centered around Bratworth!Miles meeting Feenie!Phoenix and Miles praying that Phoenix doesn’t get accused of murder when he sees Phoenix with Dahlia. Loved this one so much and came back to it a couple times.

Chicago Noel by canonlacrush: A classic. There used to be an Au a while back that everyone was obsessed with and it was a bakery/mafia Au. I wish there were more fics that catered to that Au but they’re hard to find. Anyway, this one is great.

Maybe In Time You’ll Want To Be Mine by YourAverageBystander: A time loop fic that I absolutely adore. Y’all really gotta key in on these Ace Attorney time loop/time travel fics, there’s a couple in here. THEY ARE A TREASURE.

Turnabout Sole by CollaboralDamage: An awesome bodyswap fic. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND BODY SWAP FIC IN THIS FANDOM?! And this one is good. Very good. Liked it a lot.

Shared Work Space by nerdyskeleton: I think the fic’s summary works best here “It was the best of times, it was the worst of time when Miles Edgeworth discovers he likes to be called Daddy”.

Shear Luck by TopazEstrella: One that I didn’t really know what to think of when I first kept seeing it on my search for Narumitsu fics, but I’m very glad I read it. It’s different, but I like it. Has some Krisnix in it.

The Illusion Of Control by Ekat: Amazing. Loved it. Takes place in an alternate universe where Miles died and Gregory didn’t. Has a lot of found family dynamics featuring Mr. Edgeworth, Phoenix and Ray.

Tight Lesh by Ensiy: I come back to this one often. One of the only fics that has good Kristoph and Miles interaction. They’re both catty bitches to each other. Has some Krisnix in it.

Out of Order by canolacrush: A super cute fic where Miles gets a haircut and Phoenix gets a crush. I re-read it a lot because it’s super cute and really fluffy.

With The Phases Of The Moon by Puddor: One I come back to often for a couple of moments. Really love it. One of the good Werewolf!Phoenix and Vampire!Miles fics.

You Ever Been In Love? by hechima: Loved this one a lot. We love the Wright gang trying to matchmake. A classic in terms of AA fics and for good reason.

Observe and Record by MAVEfm: An introspective Miles fic detailing him and his personal journal. I really like this one. Has some Krisnix in it.

Pressing Pursuit ~ Cornered by viviaciousbarkbeast: Love this one. I think this was one of the first AA fics I’ve read. Has some Krisnix in it.

That Man by Sunshine_And_Starlight: A really good fic. It has one of my favorite tropes and I come back to it for certain moments that I really like and wanna read again.

A Badge Of Honor by sunsmasher: Really loved this one. I also come back to re-read it cause it’s just so funny and awkward and hilarious.

Awkward Business by hechima: I’m a sucker for this trope! You’ll see what I mean when you read it. It’s all gold! I still come back to this one.

wait (they don’t love you like I love you) by Samioli: Super good fic detailing Miles finding out about all Phoenix’s past relationships.

parallelogram by zombiekittiez: Such a slay fic, has a strange premise at first BUT we get Shakespeare references so that’s a big plus.

All There Is by sunsmasher: Loved it. A really good look into Krisnix as a relationship and dealing with sexual trauma.

London, 2021 by syailendra: Has a lot of good moments. I come back to this one a lot. Has some Krisnix in it.

Sketched Memories by gen: LOVED THIS ONE. OBSESSED. You just gotta read it. It’s a recent one but VERY GOOD.

Archaeology by sunsmasher: Everyone eats pizza, and truamadumps. Just a typical day at the Wright Anything Agency.

Dancer In The Dark by klaviersimp: Ahhh, I love this fic a lot. It holds a special place in my heart. Little suggestive but I like it.

dig my nails into the wound by gavinnersworldtour: A very good Krisnix fic. Delicious. I love this one.

Temptation by crayoncompanion: An interesting one that I can’t help but really love.

Hot, Sticky, Sweet by mutxnts: A really good fic. I CRAVE a continuation but it’s a one-shot.

Sin. Eater by potatomin: A very good Demon!Miles and Angel!Phoenix fic. Makes you want more.

romance is not dead (if you keep it just yours) by Samioli: This one was just sweet. I liked it a lot.

just desserts by riskphee: YES. YES. Love this one. I still come back to read it.

Thrown Through A Loop by savitaraandsigh: Another time loop fic that I absolutely adore.

From The Top by lazynina: Another Time loop fic that I absolutely adore.

Bespoke by Demus: We love suit kinks.

That Goddamned Idiot That Is Phoenix Wright by fyrebyrd_fta

Kleptomania by Ekat

Working Hazard by lilacSkye

caught in the act by Samioli

I’ll Cover You by nerd4fandoms

my rapt heart by griffonage

Bad dream, good time by notlikelybutpossible

-

Series:

7 years under the bridge: A series surrounding Phoenix’s fall and his relationships with Miles and Kristoph respectively.

7 year ache: Another series surrounding Phoenix’s fall and his relationships with Miles and Kristoph respectively.

-

And that’s most of them! There’s definately more, but those are the ones that really made an impression on me and that I think about a lot (And also the ones I could find easily without having to check every one of my bookmarks) You can find more that way if you want though! By looking through my bookmarks on A3O that is. That’s what I do sometimes with other A3O members and it’s worked out well (Look for the Buddy Daddies fics in my bookmarks, that’s where most of them start but definitely check my bookmarks, there’s a couple good ones I can’t find at the moment that I know are in there). But I also recommend doing your own research too, it doesn’t seem like fun but when you end up finding one of the hidden gem fics it’s totally worth it.

Here’s some advice, buddy, try to start at the beginning, like go all the way down to the last folder on A3O, but maybe first search for an AA tag that you know will have a smaller fic pool and go from there. And when you find an author you like, try and check out if they have some other AA fics. Most of the writers of the fics I have recommended have more Ace Attorney fics in their arsenal that I’ve read and enjoyed and just didn’t wanna put on here, so check them out!

Btw Anon, if you want the more… Darker fics that I like (There aren’t many, but there’s a couple) DM me because I don’t wanna give those out publicly since it just makes me sorta uncomfy and I don’t want others to be uncomfy. This also goes for smuttier fics that I don’t feel like sharing at the moment.

Sorry if this was a lot Anon, I just love fanfiction, it’s definately one of the more interesting art forms out there, and think a lot of the ones I read deserve to be shared!

(Oh, also, I write fics too Anon. Check out my AA fic if you wanna. Sorry to self-promote but I promise it’s cute!!)

Anyway, that’s all! Goodnight everybody!

[sparrowsupportgroup]

my AIS headcannons

Has a collection of unique teacups, from the most simply designed ones to the most beautifully decorated cups to the finest of china

He even has a couple of funky, novelty inspired teacups in his possession

But no matter how interesting these teacups are, they’re all gonna be drank out of, one way or another

Similar to teacups, Ais also has a vast collection of tea flavors

For the 00000000.1% chance he has a guest that wants to just spend time with him and it’s someone he genuinely likes, Ais belives it’s important to have a variety of flavors that the guest can choose from. He actually wants to be a good host, you know

Ais has his tea preferences, though. His favorite flavor of tea are those that are spiced, such as chai and ginger tea

But let’s say you’re a special little Sparrow he loves driving up a wall: if you have a specific flavor of tea that you enjoy drinking, Ais would start drinking that flavor more and it would become his favorite because it reminds him of you

Ways Ais shows affection: he definitely does the Itachi/Sasuke forehead poke

He especially likes to catch you off guard when he forehead pokes you because you have NO idea what it means and find it annoying but that’s all the more reason for him to continue to do it

Another way Ais shows affection is forehead bumps - he likes to just gently bump his forehead against yours to get your attention; he even eggs you on to do it back to him

Ais knows sign language. When a desperate visitor seeking salvation arrived at the Seaspring communicating only with their hands one day, Ais decided to learn the language for himself. He’s gotten quite fluent in it actually

He even taught Princess, smart girl that she is, some sign language

Ais definitely does cuddle piles with Princess + his other Soulless pets. What can he say, he’s a lonely guy and he needs some affection every once and a while. Guess you can say he’s….touchstarved

Ais is kinda sentimental. You can say he’s bit of a hoarder too, with how he collects and keeps the strangest things he finds

The jewelry adorning his body are inherited from deceased members from his old gang, but he refuses to even think about that

Ais finds value in the damaged and broken things people toss away, such as the cracked and shattered teacups and teapots left abandoned in the wastelands, the strange trinkets and baubles he has discovered discarded in the bog waters, the destroyed articles of clothing brought to him by Princess and other Soulless, unique tokens loss upon the steps leading to the Seaspring

The yawning dark that’s in the back of the Seaspring is where he stores all these items in some type of gentle, protective nest; at first, Ais didn’t understand why he harvested these items that people no longer have use for, why he took so much care in persevering all these abandoned personal artifacts

But then Ais realized the reason he collected all these things because they’re remnants of someone’s previous life; their life before their tragic demise in the wastelands or before he helped them drink from the blood red waters of the Seaspring and solemnly guided them to the realm of insanity

Those people were forgotten and possibly never cared for while alive; but with Ais collecting all these items, he can validate that they existed in this cruel world and that they had worth; that they had mattered

[endlessdreamworld]

When You Can't Say "I Do"

When You Can't Say "I Do"

Yandere! Ayato X Noble! GN Reader

Due to popular request, here is part two!

Part one here “If only I could be so lucky as to find a love as pure and true as Lord Kamisato’s and his one and only,” a servant swooned off to the corner of the room. The entire situation was crazy, like you’ve died and gone to hell. You had no idea how anyone in the world could truly believe this tale of love that Ayato was spinning. Your arms were bound so tight that you couldn’t move them, and you had a bite guard in place so you couldn’t bite your own tongue off and bleed to death. The maids were there as lookouts for a possible attempted suicide. How in the world could anyone view this situation as anything less than complete and utter insanity let alone a tender romance!? All you could do was glare. Your visage fluctuated between a scowl and visceral fury.

You were never alone. Ever. If you weren’t in the presence of some servants, then it would be the presence of Kamisato Ayato. What was worse is he made a compelling case that while you weren’t of sound mind, you were of sound heart, and that hatred and love are two sides of the same coin. Your late father’s delusion wasn’t allowing you to think straight, and his explanation gave all the justification he needed to marry you.

“Oh how wonderful! Lord Kamisato will finally be united with his childhood friend, the love of his life!” the people had cheered on your wedding day whilst ignoring your squirming. Your wedding garb was made by the finest craftsmen in all of Inazuma, with symbolic patterns that suited the occasion in all of the colors that you loved the most. Under different circumstances it would have been the perfect fairytale picturesque ceremony of immaculate beauty - a legendary wedding that would be told by everyone in Inazuma far and wide for generations to come. The indignation of it all felt like a hot knife in your chest, twisting twisting… twisting.

Ayato arrived in the holding room you were being kept in before the ceremony, and gave your exposed cheek an affectionate pinch. You thrashed and groaned, and tugged at your restraints with every nonverbal protest you could think of. “They’re just excited.” He says to those in the room as you try to pull free of your beautifully colored restraints. And of course they were the perfect shade to match the rest of your wedding garb. Trinkets hung off of them in certain spots in place of jewelry for your tragically unavailable bound hands. “What a beautiful wedding gift darling.” Ayato swept the back of his fingers down your cheek, then ran his thumb along the bottom of your eye. “What a blessing it is to receive this many tears of joy.” The tears were of everything but joy. Fear, rage, disgust, frustration, despair, the farthest thing from a present to any sane individual.

You could just barely make out his appearance through your tear flooded blurry gaze. He looked perfect, better than ever even. The fabric of the sleeves of his ceremonial clothing made you shiver when it brushed across your skin. It was smooth, soft, and smelled of cherry blossoms.

And just like that, you were hauled off to the location of the ceremony, and married off. Of course lord Ayato said ‘I do’ for the both of you, since you weren’t able to speak.

That day had long passed by now. You barely remembered your life outside of this new reality. You've screamed so much since you’ve come to the Kamisato household that your vocal chords were shredded. If loud shrieking and angry rumbling couldn’t be heard through the gag, then of course no one would be able to hear your quiet anguished croaking.

“Oh, my lord is back!” The maids opened the door then scurried away. Now it was just you and Ayato in a cramped, small, lavish room. You glared and twisted, but Ayato was unbothered. He walked towards where you sat on the floor, while you did your best to scurry away. Though, there was nowhere to go, and you found yourself backed into a corner. The usual same song and dance though it’s gotten harder and harder with each passing day.

Ayato sat down next to you, then laid his head on your shoulder. You’ve already exhausted yourself and he knew that. Keeping you bound up for most of the day made it impossible for you to end yourself, but it also served the purpose of atrophying your muscles and weakening you. Whether this was his intention from the start or if it was coincidentally beneficial, you weren’t sure. The way Ayato was leaning on your shoulder pushed you against the wall. Needless to say, you didn’t have the ability to push him from you anymore.

He must have spent a long time thinking of this specific outcome, since every attempt you made to change your fate was immediately met with a solution on his part. You were bound and gagged right from the beginning, to prevent you from inflicting any sort of injury upon yourself – fatal or otherwise. Of course he considered the possibility of starving yourself to death, so the apparatus in your mouth was modified in a way that allowed it to be opened enough to force feed you. Though, at the time you were still considered extremely volatile, so the people around you only allowed you to eat food pounded into paste.

Ayato took a hold of your bound hands then pulled them close. He kissed the back of each of your knuckles one by one. You shut your eyes, but you could feel Ayato’s gaze burning into you despite not being able to see him.

“I’ve missed you, darling.” You respond with cold silence, and freeze as best as you can wishing more than anything that you could just fade away. “I think it’s time for a little chat.” Silence. That’s all he’d ever get from you, silence. You squeezed your eyes shut and furrowed your brow. Your breathing became labored from the emotional stress of it all.

“Tell me, do you remember what element I was given by the gods?” Silence so thick it could crush you. He waited, and when you continued to give him nothing, he shifted, and buried his head in the nape of your neck. Ayato dragged a kiss along your jaw, and you whined sharply against him. “That’s right, hydro.” He pulled his vision before you, regardless of whether you chose to shut your eyes or watch.

“And this vision allows me to have elemental mastery of water.” He pocketed his vision then pulled closer to you, fully nesting himself at your side. You could feel both his warmth and the scent of sakura-infused incense. Maybe you were finally breaking, but it felt good – not him, but it felt good to have something warm and alive near you. You’d rather it be anything or anyone else, even if that meant you’d be locked in a wooden chest with a dozen mangy rats, but this is what you got. No one else touched you, and you don’t think anyone will ever again if things continue going this way. You considered trying to suck up to the uninvolved parties but those who noticed your desperation either believed Kamisato Ayato’s story and brushed it off, or didn’t believe his story but also didn’t care

“Has it ever crossed your mind that your hatred and indifference brings me comfort?” The silence was shattered by this tenderly spoken bombshell. “Not in the sadistic way that certainly crossed your mind just now. I’m also not holding my breath that maybe one day you’ll love me a fraction as much as I love you. Though – that would be nice.” He paused, “there’s little difference whether I come home to a hypothetical smile from you or ice, or anger, silence, or a physical assault. I get to come home and see you do your best.” Why? Why why why?? You squirmed. “I get to see you hate me with absolute conviction and determination. I get to see every thought that crosses your mind, every plan you hatch, and every scheme you come up with light up like a star. Sometimes I hope you’ll succeed. I want to see how far you’d get.” He nuzzles against you, and you murmur in discomfort.

“I love seeing you do your best.”

“I’m a simple man, but you already knew that.” Something that was only half true. Entirely true when it came to you, but all bets were off when it came to anything else. “Regardless…” Ayato turns his focus back onto your hands. He runs his thumb over the back of the palm of one of your hands. “You know, there are things about water that people tend to overlook. Everyone can picture what a tidal wave or a flood does.” He tapped a finger against the back of your hand. “Water is patient.” Tap. Tap. “People forget its tenacity.” He began to tap another of his fingers in tandem. “Water can bring a mountain to yield through death by a thousand cuts, as it’s wont to do. Drop by drop, storm by storm, day by day.”

Your breath hitched in your throat. “Now I’m not saying you’re a mountain and I’m here to ruin you. You know I don’t want that.” You did in fact know that. Ayato ran his thumb against the back of your hand slowly. “Water also smooths away the rough edges and cracks of half-broken stone. It removes the things that work against its flow.” He pushed more firmly, though in a way that was only soothing and nothing else.

You looked at him with exhausted eyes. “I want you to be happy,” Ayato told you with the same amount of sincerity as always, which was utterly and completely sincere. Maybe today though, he was carrying himself more warmly, or maybe you’ve finally lost your mind but it felt good to hear that today. After that came silence, though the silence was more comfortable and welcome than ever.

And then you cried.

You haven’t cried since your wedding day, and it all poured from you like a dam finally bursting open. Or maybe it was more like a sickness being purged. Ayato, who was entirely surprised by your reaction, flustered even, pulled away from your shoulder to get a better look at you. His eyes widened, was this panic? You couldn’t tell.

He’s right though. He wants you to be happy, and you want to be happy too! You deserve to be happy after everything that’s happened, surely. And so you threw yourself at him. You could feel him shake against you, and you could see the way concern carved itself onto his almost always unperturbed features. Everything about the silent Ayato was physically screaming ‘Don’t cry’ other than words coming from his mouth. He composed himself enough to undo the restraints along your hands, and just as soon as he did you threw your arms around him. Or at least you tried. They’ve been bound for so long, they immediately fell asleep, and instead your arms hung limp around your husband

Ayato pulled you closer to him, and helped you finish what you tried to start. This was the first time you’ve embraced since you were children, and the first time ever as lovers. After that, the gag was removed, and you realized it’s been so long that you almost forgot the sound of your own voice. Just barely above a whisper, you beg for forgiveness “imso sorry, i’m SORRY, for-give me…” you frantically chant through pained sobs and melodic wheezing.

“....But, there’s nothing to forgive.” Ayato says and captures your lips to steal away whatever nonsense you had left to spill.

And so the people of Inazuma rejoiced at your miraculous recovery. Many had thought you were too far gone, though no one was brave enough to say it, lest they invoke Lord Kamisato’s wrath. In everyone’s eyes, love had prevailed, and perhaps this was true love – maybe one of the truest.

And so you lived h̶̡͉̰̙̩̐̈́̿͘̕ā̷̡̞̽̂p̷̧̡͆̇͒͝p̵̨̹͙̅̈́͐͜i̷̹͓͖̬̳͛̑ļ̵̛̼̰̤͙̤̐̏̎͘͠y̴̹̪̻̫̥̓̈́̀̾͘  ever after.

[found-family-tournament]

Found Family Tournament Round 2 Part 13 Group 61

Propaganda and further images under the cut

Squeak Squad: Daroach, Doc, Storo, Spinni (& the Squeakers)

Team Bleck: Count Bleck, Nastasia, O’Chunks, Mimi, Dimentio & Mr. L

Squeak Squad:

they are rat thieves who are a found family and nothing can convince my otherwise (not even canon)

Not much is known about them, but they’re 4 little dudes just being in a gang together. Here’s a list of their names from the image: the one with the hat is Daroach, Storo is the big blue one with the eyepatch, Spinni is the yellow one, and Doc is the one in the flying saucer. The pink guy carrying the chest is Kirby(he’s not a member of the Squeak Squad). The little mouse things at the bottom and in the background are the Squeaker. Squeakers arent really part of the family, they are more like Henchmen

Team Bleck:

VILLAIN FOUND FAMILY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEYRE SO GOOD MAN C'MON... Dimentio is a bitch and Mr. L was kinda brain washed into it but overall they all genuinely have such fun dynamics even Mr L and Dimentio involved, Tragic Wants the world to die Count, the devious little shit that is the insane Fool, the secretary who is in love with a man who loves another, the big lug who just wants to chunk up the place but cares for blecky boy, the beautifully mildly terrifying shapeshifter who can be a giant spider abomination, and the brave brainwashed mechanical genius! You can even add in tippi as an honorary member because shes bleck's fiance :]

Villian found family!

Oh man where do I start. Evil team with the power of friendship. Dimentio reading everyone’s diaries. Nassy and Mimi and O’Chunks forming their own mini found family after Dimentio and Bleck are gone.

[sentinelpri]

Like This (NSFW)

Kakashi’ Hatake’s legs dangle off of the edge of the Hokage monument as he glances at Might Guy, who is sitting next to him. The other shinobi is distracted, staring at the string of stars that litter the pitch black sky like fairy lights, but Kakashi doesn’t mind.

“It’s been more than two weeks since you’ve been in town, Sukea! I wasn’t expecting to see you so suddenly,” Guy starts. His deep onyx gaze is still straight forward in a way that has the starlight shining beautifully against his sun-kissed skin. On one hand, Kakashi wants Guy to be looking at him rather than at the village they’ve both seen a million times over. On the other, he doesn’t, because Guy wouldn’t really be looking at him. Rather, Guy would be looking at Sukea, the alter ego and disguise that Kakashi has been fooling him with for over a year now. Though Kakashi has done a good job of hiding the truth thus far, there are evenings like this one where he feels as if Guy can see straight through all of it. “But I’m glad you invited me out here tonight even though you only just got back. It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you as well,” Kakashi says, swallowing tightly. He offers up a forced smile and runs a hand through his hair to make sure that the brown, fluffy locks are still perfectly in place as they should be with his partial-transformation jutsu. A full transformation would be much easier to manage for such a risky situation, as he wouldn’t have to worry about the purple face-tape beneath his eyes and the matching eye-shadow that cover his scar or the makeup on his eyebrows potentially coming off, but he spends so much time with Guy in this form that the full transformation would eat up all of his chakra. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

The words should make Kakashi’s heart flutter, but they don't. They’re not meant for him- they’re meant for Sukea, this fake person that he’s created so selfishly. 

There are times- like right now- where it hurts. There are nights where Kakashi goes home and finds himself restless with the pain of wishing that Guy was in love with him and only him rather than with Sukea, who Guy is convinced is an entirely separate person. There are days where Kakashi drowns in guilt because he’s purposely deceiving his best friend.

But, he’s happier like this, and so is Guy.

Because like this, he isn’t Kakashi Hatake. He is not the man with a tragic past full of death and failure, nor is he the shell of a person he’s confined himself to be. Like this, he doesn’t avoid intimacy at all costs. He doesn’t push those closest to him away and spend all of his free time in solitude.

Like this, he is simply Sukea. No last name to remind him of his father. No trauma. Just a traveling photographer with a loving heart and a knack for mischief. 

For all Guy knows, Sukea comes from a boring nuclear family who lives in a far off civilian town. 

For all Guy knows, he’s at least a little bit normal- and Kakashi is desperate to keep it that way. 

So, when Guy stands and offers a hand to help him up- even though he still isn’t used to another man’s hands being used to lift him up rather than to hurt him- he takes it, stands, and wraps an arm around Guy’s waist with a smile- because he’s going to convince Guy that he is truly like this for as long as he can.

“So, shall we take this to your place?” Sukea says, knowing full well that he could never take Guy back to his shitty little apartment. 

As always, Guy grins down at him and pulls him closer. 

“I’d like that.”

~

The next morning, Kakashi slips out of Guy’s apartment window and makes his way home before the older man can wake up and convince him to go out for breakfast. He leaves no indication of when Sukea will be back in town to make things easier on himself and crashes the moment he gets back to his own apartment for a long nap. 

“God… I should really stop doing this,” Kakashi mutters to no one but himself upon waking from his slumber. His back is sore, there’s hickeys left on his neck and down his chest, and his legs still feel like gelatin. Memories of Guy gently wiping him down and pressing kisses against the marks left on his skin flash behind his eyes. “One of these days, it’s going to catch up with me… Oh well. Guess I should take a shower.”

After scrubbing the smell of Guy off of him and trying his best to distract himself from their rendezvous, Kakashi goes to sit on his favorite bench in the village to read the first volume of Icha Icha. As much as he’d love to go on a mission right now, he’s already reached his quota for the month and is stuck in the village until further notice (because according to Lady Tsunade, he can’t drown himself in work just because Naruto and Sasuke are gone). The familiar words printed on the pages of his book bring him no comfort, though, as Guy’s chakra signature draws near.

“Kakashi, my dear rival!” Guy calls, leaping down from a nearby tree and joining Kakashi on the bench.

He sits far too close for Kakashi’s comfort and tosses an arm over his shoulder. Kakashi shuts his book as subtly as he can and pretends that the hairs on the back of his neck aren’t standing up right now.

“Guy,” He speaks, bristling underneath the sensation of Guy’s clothed arm against the back of his neck. It’s surprisingly warm. Just like his touch was last night. Rather than looking over at Guy, Kakashi stares at the cover of Icha Icha as if it’s the most interesting thing in the world. “What’s up?”

“Right now we’re tied at fifty two wins to fifty two wins- I was thinking we should settle the score by having an eating contest at Ichiraku!” Guy explains with a hopeful smile. When Kakashi finally meets his eyes, he can see the utter love and adoration in them. “What do you say?”

It makes Kakashi’s heart hurt because he knows that even with Sukea as a part of his life now, Guy still can’t let go of him. Guy is still in love with him just as much as he is with Sukea and it’ll probably remain that way.

“An eating contest, hm?” Kakashi asks, standing up so he can put some distance between the two of them.

‘Sounds like an excuse for a lunch date… Classic Guy.’

Kakashi shakes his head and starts to walk away, only for Guy to follow close behind him and continue rambling about the ‘eating contest’. All Kakashi can think about is why he keeps doing this to the both of them when he knows the kindest thing to do would be to stop using the Sukea disguise and cut Guy off completely. 

Kakashi supposes there’s a logical explanation for why he’s been doing this for so long, when he gets down to really thinking about it. 

He’s selfish. 

Is said explanation morally justifiable? Not really. But, to him, it makes sense. Guy has had an obvious crush on him since they were children. Kakashi refuses to date him, citing a lack of interest as his reason even though they both know that’s not it. The real reason is that he’s scared of getting too close only to get burned and ruin their two-decade-long-friendship for the sake of romance. 

Determined not to have his fears come to fruition, Kakashi remained hellbent on keeping his and Guy’s friendship completely platonic, but the constant complaints about a dull love-life and lack of passion that he’d heard from Guy became tiresome following the last Chunin exams. 

Kakashi devised a simple solution; transform into his Sukea disguise, catch Guy at his local bar, and charm him just enough to distract him from Kakashi for a little while.

It was a perfect plan. 

The catch?

It worked too well. What was supposed to be a night of magic and romance to get Guy’s spirits up turned into a one-night-stand, which turned into a series of real dates, which has turned into a relationship that they haven’t quite put a label on. This has been going on for over a year and Kakashi swears that it’s a miracle he hasn’t blown his cover yet.

“Yes- an eating contest will be a true test of endurance, stamina, and willpower!” Guy rambles on, snapping Kakashi back to reality. “What do you say?”

“Mah, I’m not feeling it today. Thanks for the offer, though,” Kakashi rejects the invitation and makes another attempt to walk away, only for Guy to stand in front of him.

Kakashi gulps. He’s suddenly reminded of all the nights he’s spent as Sukea lately; of the muscular body that’s currently blocking his path being used to pin him to the wall, the bed, the glass door of Guy’s shower, and every other semi-flat surface in the ravenette’s apartment. Ashamed, Kakashi stares at the dirt road beneath his feet, cheeks burning bright red underneath his mask.

“Ah, but if you refuse my challenge, you lose by default!”

“Then consider yourself in the lead. We’re at fifty two to fifty three wins now, yes?” Kakashi questions and steps around Guy. He shoves his book in one of his large pockets, knowing that he won’t be able to focus on reading it on the way home even if he wanted to. “I’ll make up for it later, so don’t worry about it.”

“Kakashi, wait!”

Much to Kakashi’s horror, Guy exclaims loudly enough that it gains the other villagers’ attention as he grabs Kakashi by the wrist to keep him from leaving.

Kakashi turns, barely meeting Guy’s gaze. He snatches his hand back so fast he’s sure it hurts both of them. The civilians that walk past them stare but don’t stop or say anything. 

“What is it?”

“It doesn’t have to be a contest, you know- we can just go get lunch together! As friends, I mean,” Guy offers, and Kakashi’s heart flutters. Part of him wants to accept the offer. The other part of him knows that it would be wrong to do so considering what he’s been doing lately. He’s not even sure he could keep himself from word-vomiting the truth. “If the contest is too much for you today… It’ll be my treat.”

It’s hard to say no. Kakashi knows he needs to, but ever since Sasuke and Naruto left the village, Guy has become increasingly concerned about him. In turn, Guy has been trying to spend more time with him. The problem with that is that Guy refuses to give up no matter how many times Kakashi rejects him- probably because he can tell that, deep down, Kakashi wants him back and just refuses to act on it.

“I’m good.”

“Kakashi, please,” Guy begs, onyx eyes pleading. Guilt makes Kakashi’s stomach sink like heavy, ink black tar. “I know you have a lot going on right now, but you can’t keep doing this.”

“Doing what?”

“Shutting everyone out! You were doing so much better until Sasuke went rogue-”

“I don’t want to talk about that,” Kakashi snaps. “And you don’t know what I’m going through or how I’m doing, so don’t pretend that you have any idea. We’re rivals, yes, and we’ve been friends for a long time, but none of what has happened since Sasuke left is any of your business.”

Guy steps back, crosses his arms over his chest, and lets out a sigh of defeat. 

“Are you seriously going to do this again?”

“Yes,” Kakashi nods. “I’ll continue to do what I think is best for the both of us, and right now, that means keeping my distance.”

“You’re wrong,” Guy argues, but he makes no move to stop Kakashi from leaving this time.

“Maybe I am, but if that’s true, and I realize it later down the line, I’ll come to terms with it on my own. I don’t need you to tell me. You’re not my parent, nor are you my partner, a therapist, or anyone else who would be even remotely qualified to meddle in my personal life like you do. Stay out of it.”

“Fine,” Guy spits. Kakashi can practically hear the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “If that’s how you really feel-”

“Listen,” Kakashi interjects. He hates how good Guy is getting at changing his mind about these sorts of things. “We can get lunch, but don’t think I’m going to magically open up to you, alright? I just want to be left alone… And after we get lunch today, you need to leave me be for a while. I’ll come to you when- or if- I need you. I promise.”

Guy looks angry- like he wants to lash out and yell, like he wants to chew Kakashi out for treating him like shit and pushing him to the side for the past twenty years- but that expression quickly settles into something more defeated that Kakashi can’t stand the look of. Guy sighs, and finally, agrees. 

“Alright, Kakashi… What would you like to eat?”

~

Lunch with Guy that day is awkward and tense, to say the least. They eat, but no conversation is had. Guy pays the tab and they part ways after practically scarfing down their food to get out of the awkward social situation.

Kakashi regrets giving in and going in the first place. By the time he gets back to his own apartment, he’s tired and wracked with guilt over the argument- and worst of all, unable to distract himself by going on missions or training with his team of Genin. Reading through all of his Icha Icha books hasn’t managed to get his mind off of it either. 

Who would’ve guessed that reading a romance novel would make him think about the situation more? Surprisingly, not Kakashi himself.

After hours of lamenting, the Jonin grumbles and rolls out of bed so he can grab the disguise from his closet; green rain coat, beige scarf, black eye contacts, and purple face tape. He pads into the bathroom. The pitter-patter of tiny paws against his wooden floors follows close behind. 

As he starts to apply the concealer over his eyelid to cover his scar and then over his arm to cover his tattoo, Kakashi can already feel Pakkun’s beady eyes burning holes of judgment into him. The pug drapes himself over Kakashi’s bare feet and grumbles.

“Going to see Guy again, are you?”

“Sticking your nose in my business again, are you?” Kakashi shoots back, not even sparing Pakkun a glance. He carefully covers his Sharingan with a contact lense and applies the purple tape beneath his eyes.

“As always,” Pakkun retorts. “Sort of weird that you’ve been doing this to the poor idiot for, what, a year?”

“Trust me, I know it’s weird, but you’re not my therapist-”

“Or anyone else who would be qualified to give you life advice, I know. The whole situation is just ridiculous… Can’t help but ruminate about it when it comes up.”

“What are you gonna do, tell him?” Kakashi hums and moves his feet out from underneath Pakkun so he can slide his shoes on. Finally, he performs a partial transformation to change his hair, make his figure a little bulkier, and slides on his shoes. “Again, it’s not your business.”

“And yet you vent to me about it once a month. If you didn’t want me to know, you wouldn’t tell me… And you also wouldn’t come back so often reeking of sweat and hair gel.”

“Look, I’m gonna get out of here, okay? I’ll see you later. I don’t know where the others are right now, but whenever they get back, there’s cooked steak and veggies for you all in the fridge; you just have to heat them up.”

Pakkun nods and briskly walks out of the room, probably to go lay in Kakashi’s bed and coat the sheets with his hair since he knows the man is going to be leaving. Kakashi doesn’t even bother scolding the Ninken or trying to get him to stop, instead packing a small overnight bag (even though he never stays long enough to fall asleep) and heading out.

The streets in Konoha are loud and bustling despite the time of night. The moon shines down on the village as civilians and ninja alike go up and down the streets, popping in and out of shops and chatting. Many travel in pairs, arm in arm, hand in hand, looking at each other with adoration in their eyes. Kakashi blends in with the crowd easily since he’s missing his ninja gear, and since he does, no one bats an eye in his direction- even while he blatantly stares at the couples he passes who are so blatantly putting their love for each other on display. He wonders if, maybe someday, him and Guy could do that- with him as himself, rather than as Sukea. 

With a frown, he shakes his head to clear it of the thought. He isn’t sure he wants to open that can of worms any time soon, let alone tonight when he’s already emotional. 

Quickly, he enters the residential area where Guy’s apartment is located and makes his way to the older man’s door. He knocks and is unsurprised when he gets an immediate answer.

“Sukea!” Guy greets, a beaming smile on his face. Kakashi- Sukea, now- isn’t sure whether he should feel excited or guilty. “I didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”

“What can I say? I missed you too much to stay away.”

Guy’s apartment is stupidly perfect in a way that makes Sukea’s heart throb in his chest when he’s there. With seasonal potpourri bowls in each room that make the place reek of pecans and apples, old pictures of them and all of their friends hung unevenly on the walls, and training gear strewn about, Sukea thinks he could stay forever before remembering that he can’t. So, he enjoys it while he can, grinning when Guy pulls him into his arms, lifts him up, and carries him into the bedroom.

~

Sukea wakes up the following morning and realizes three things.

One, the bedroom is no longer lit by the lamp on Guy’s nightstand but by natural sunlight that comes pouring through the blinds.

Two, he fell asleep the night before without realizing it, meaning that it must be morning.

And three, he can’t maintain any jutsu in his sleep, so he is now Kakashi rather than Sukea. Yet, when he rubs the sleep out of his eyes, Guy is still very much there. The ravenette has a soft smile on his face as he runs a hand through Kakashi’s silver hair and leans forward to press a kiss against Kakashi’s cheek. Kakashi, on the other hand, panics. Guy clearly sees said panic in Kakashi’s face and reacts accordingly.

“Kakashi… It’s okay, you know,” Guy tries to comfort Kakashi and reaches forward for him to no avail. 

Kakashi thinks he must look like an idiot as he jerks away and sits up to furrow his brow and dwell on why the fuck Guy is acting like his usual reassuring, loving self instead of losing his mind at the fact that he’s been being tricked for over a year. Incredibly self-conscious, Kakashi rips the blanket that they were previously sharing from Guy and uses it to cover his body as well as the lower half of his face. If he weren’t already embarrassed about the Sukea predicament, he definitely is at the prospect of Guy seeing him- as himself- completely nude.

“Wait,” Kakashi breathes out and reaches up to remove the single contact in his Sharingan before allowing it to flutter shut. The contact is haphazardly tossed in Guy’s bedside trash can, which is also full of empty water bottles, beer cans, and used condoms from the night before. Kakashi’s face flushes pink in a mixture of embarrassment and horror. “You knew?”

“Uh,” Guy clears his throat, his cheeks also darkening. “Yes? You didn’t… Wait, did you not know that I knew?”

“Why didn’t you… I didn’t… I mean, um, I should probably just go,” Kakashi scrambles to stand up with the blanket wrapped around him so he can get his clothes back on, but in the midst of his panic, he trips and falls over one of his abandoned shoes. Thankfully, Guy rolls over to the edge of the bed and gets up just in time to catch Kakashi by the waist and steady him on his feet. When Kakashi tries to slip away, Guy shakes his head, to which Kakashi groans and closes both eyes. “Please, just let me leave. I’m humiliated enough as it is and I understand that you’re probably pissed, but I don’t want to talk about this.”

“I’m not just going to let you run away from this, too. We need to talk- there’s clearly been some sort of miscommunication here!”

“What’s there to talk about?” Kakashi sighs. Guy lets him pull away, but this time, he doesn’t run, opting to sit on the edge of the bed with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. “I mean… If you knew… Why did you let me continue? What exactly does this mean to you?”

“Well, when you’re like this…” Guy pauses, sits down next to Kakashi, and reaches under the blanket to hold his hand. Against his better judgment, Kakashi reciprocates and intertwines their fingers. Guy’s touch is warm and genuine, just like the man himself. Although Kakashi isn’t anticipating a reaction of anger and betrayal anymore, he’s still conflicted- and, more importantly, confused. “It’s the only way you let me in. I know, it went too far, but… I assumed that we were both in on it. Did you seriously think you could fool me with a disguise like that?”

“Would you be mad if I said ‘yes’?”

“No, I can’t be mad at you,” Guy laughs and shakes his head. When Kakashi glances over, the older man is wistfully staring at the old picture of them that’s hung on the wall across from where they’re sitting. “Just frustrated with you… Don’t you remember the first time I saw you as Sukea?”

“Of course I do.”

“I guess I should’ve actually asked you about it instead of just assuming, but even though it took me a few minutes to figure it out that night, I did, and I assumed it was intentional… Like you wanted the connection I was so desperately trying to initiate with you but felt as if you weren’t allowed to have it as yourself. Like you did it with the intention of us both being in on it and just… Not talking about it in our day to day. I get that, as a ninja, it’s easier to keep your personal life separate from your work life- you’ve always been that way, but for you, I’ve always been a part of both faucets of your life and you were just so desperate to keep the two separated despite that.”

“Well, that assumption wasn’t completely wrong… I think I understand, and I’m sorry for everything. Are you really not mad at me?”

“I’m not mad, but I am offended on your behalf since you thought all this time that you had to use this- this alter ego of yours to get me to fall in love with you! Kakashi, I’ve always loved you for you- and I love Sukea, too. I understand that he’s a part of you, and that you find comfort in being him, but… I love all of you equally, not just Sukea. What did you think would happen when I found out? That I’d lose my mind and abandon you over this? That I’d be angry?”

Kakashi lets out a nervous laugh.

“Well…” He trails off, allowing the sheet to drop completely so Guy can see his face; his awkward grin, the mole he’s always been self conscious about, his red cheeks, his nose- which is a little crooked after the break he suffered from that one fight however many years ago.

“That’s exactly what you thought, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Well, you’re wrong,” Guy leans forward to rest a hand on either side of Kakashi’s face. He holds it tenderly in his grasp as if Kakashi is fragile, as if he’s something to be cherished. The sweetness of it has Kakashi melting onto Guy’s soft sheets. “I love you, and I love every part of you. You know that.”

“I… Suppose you’re right,” Kakashi murmurs. “Do you want me to leave now?”

“Do you want to leave? After all of that?”

“Well, no-”

“Then what do you want to do?” Guy asks. “Do what you want, Kakashi. Whatever you want.”

“Okay,” Kakashi nods. “I’ll do what I want, then.”

And so, Kakashi leans forward, capturing Guy’s lips with his own and laughing between kisses when the two of them tumble back into bed.

[traumasurvivors]

This is a short article I wrote that is on my personal website.

If you want to read it without clicking an external link, you can read it below the read more.

Society likes to talk about the survivors who overcame the bad, and came out kind.

They like to talk about the childhood sexual abuse survivor who became a social worker to help children in their situation.

They like to talk about the rape survivor who now runs a campaign to help other rape survivors.

They like to talk about the domestic abuse survivor who took an stand and found his voice. The one who now speaks out and spreads awareness for others in his situation.

They like to talk about the emotional abuse survivor who found her strength and uses a public platform to empower others.

While these are all amazing things, they can leave survivors who are still struggling with the messy parts feeling like they’re “wrong” or “weak” because they can’t handle it as gracefully.

And I see you.

I see the survivors who went through their trauma and didn’t come out kind, but came out mistrusting and hardened. They came out bitter.

I see the tears. And I don’t mean the “beautiful” crying you see shown in popular media. I mean the ugly crying. The heart wrenching sobs that take over your entire body and leave your eyes a bloodshot mess and snot coming out of your nose. I see the sobs that consume and can even leave you throwing up uncontrollably.

I see the angry survivors. I see the screaming and the angry outbursts. I see broken glass. And then there’s the quiet anger. I see the bloodied knuckles, cuts and burns because someone has so much anger but internalizes it so as not to “disturb” others. I see you. I see all of you.

And there is nothing wrong with you.

Society tries to portray us all as these beautifully tragic individuals. No one wants to believe something so terrible could happen in our world. They deal with it by saying, “everything happens for a reason. Just look at how it changes these people for the better.”

Rape is ugly. Abuse is ugly. Your healing does not have to be beautifully poetic.

Don’t let society bring you down. You are strong. You survived. And don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed because you didn’t do it the way society thinks you should.

[blazingstar29]

there’s something beautifully tragic about icemav that i can’t put my finger on. that in some storyline’s despite everything they can prevail in their love and in others they do not. but it doesn’t matter because that love transcends whether they’re in a romantic relationship. it’s is pure adoration, perhaps born of sharing highly unique experience but has grown into soemthinf more. and i think that’s amazing.

bur if i see one more edit to mr loverman i’ll be invoicing you for my therapy

[raine-kai]

Third Prince from Love Like the Galaxy

Ok so after the like, half a dozen times I have seen Love Like the Galaxy, of course I adore the Third Prince. The first time I watched it, that was the biggest twist for me. Like, sure, we get that Zisheng has secrets and has been hiding his true identity--no plot description ever let us forget that, even though you have to get into the 40s before the show even starts dropping you the hints about the truth of that. Shaoshang keeps saying, "I'll stand by you unless you deceive me" etc etc she says it a couple times in a few different ways which signaled to me ok he is *definitely* deceiving her, and probably with more than just his secret identity.

Anyway, all of this pays off beautifully. Shaoshang works out a whole bunch of the truth all by herself. She and Zisheng have a confrontation about the ways in which he's been using her as a shield to hide his political movements, and she gives Zisheng FOUR openings over the course of like, 45mins of runtime to tell her the truth. But he never does, anyway she goes to his aid anyway, because liar or no, Zisheng doesn't get to go to his tragic death without Shaoshang's permission. Cue the him trying to push her away and she refusing...right up until they're trapped on the cliff and he abandons her for his presumed death.

BUT THEN.

The Third Prince storming her home and Shaoshang just ambling out of her room to the standoff to sit down on the floor and be like, "Don't worry guys, this is Zisheng's best friend. He needs me to help save Zisheng. So, Third Prince, what do you think we should do? He wouldn't wanna live in exile till you come to power like you guys have been planning, doncha think?" and I was like 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

WHAT.

THIRD PRINCE.

The guy who is always snarking in the background??? Who never has even the hint of a kind word to ANYONE. This is Zisheng's best frien-

Okay you know what, never mind, I can see that. Dude even presented evidence to get his sister punished for a crime she committed, and as we have established with Shaoshang, people who go for justice over family ties are DEFINITELY Zisheng's favorite type of person.

Anyway, so this guy is Zisheng's best friend. They've been best friends for as long as Zisheng has been in the palace, we learn, and that story Crown Princess Consort told Shaoshang about the Crown Prince rescuing Zisheng from the water? Turns out that was Third Prince, actually.

That scene at the banquet where Third Prince chides everybody for cozying up to Zisheng now that he's risen to power, and implores them all to remember who was kind to him from the start? That's not him calling them out on hypocrisy so much as staking his territory...in a way that only perhaps he, Zisheng and the Crown Prince understand (more on this later).

Pre-Reveal Third Prince in the Rewatch Experience

On rewatch, the connection between Third Prince and Zisheng is increasingly obvious. Zisheng is overtly tied to the original Crown Prince (Zikun), and Third Prince (Ziduan) despises him. On initial watch, I completely missed it because it wasn't clear to me that Third Prince cuts a fine line where he despises Zikun and everything to do with him, except for Zisheng.

NOTE: Zikun and Ziduan are original Crown Prince and Third Prince's respective courtesy names from the book, and I am going to use them going forward because it's easier than constantly trying to keep track of them via title, especially when they both held the Crown Prince title at some point.

The two of them putting on a public show of being barely civil really doesn't help things for first-time viewers, but once you see through the facade, it's increasingly obvious.

The first time we see this faked antagonism flat-out is in ep 24 when Zisheng brings Shaoshang to sit beside him, in line with Zikun (Crown Prince at the time). Ziduan immediately uses this to take a verbal stab at Zikun. Zikun (in character for him) brushes this off and points out that Zisheng is the one who brought her, while Ziduan's words lump Zikun together with Zisheng, using Shaoshang's unearned place at Zisheng's side as a sign of their ineptitude. As that scene goes on and Zisheng requests the Emperor for a betrothal, and Shaoshang's mother steps in to try to find an excuse to avoid the engagement, Ziduan is the one who articulates what's going on: that the Cheng family fears Ling Buyi to such an extent that they are willing to disparage their daughter in public to avoid a betrothal.

Going forward from here, Ziduan continues to be a fairly snarky background presence, with his noteworthy moments in the 30s being the time he brought evidence against Third Princess for using counterfeit currency, and his involvement in the playacted show that was Zisheng's "punishment" in episode 38. The punishment sequence is particularly entertaining to me to watch in retrospect, knowing that Zisheng is very much part of this show and Ziduan is his best friend, because Ziduan is visibly having fun.

One thing that I've spent a lot of time pondering is the way that, during the Huo memorial banquet, Ziduan called out everybody in the room for cozying up to Zisheng now that he has power and influence, when they used to think so little of him. He implores them all to remember who took Zisheng's side back then—which we audience, through the story the Crown Princess Consort tells Shaoshang, are led to believe refers principally to Zikun. It's only after the reveal of Ziduan and Zisheng's friendship in episode 49 that we learn that this story is incorrect—that Ziduan was the one who pulled Zisheng out of the water, and that they have been friends ever since.

This is a particularly interesting moment to me, because surely the three involved—Zisheng, Ziduan, Zikun—have not forgotten the truth of that story. But at the same time, it makes little sense for Ziduan to speak up that way if he had intended it as an outright "Zisheng is MINE, hands off". (In the corresponding scene in the novel, he does seem to be more overtly pointing out that only he has treated Zisheng well through the years, but if we start mixing canons we'll be here all day—not least because I am constrained by the limitations of navigating machine translation and my poor language abilities with the original text.) The two of them have spent too long concealing their connection for that, even within the palace walls. So I'm left to conclude that for whatever reason, they have been feeding the false rumor that Zikun was the one who saved Zisheng that day.

The issue of the tiger tally is a fascinating one once we understand all the motivations at play, because Zisheng very much supports Ziduan's bid for the throne, but he is moving against his uncle the Marquis Yue, who is one of Ziduan's most ardent supporters. The silent interplay between Zisheng and Ziduan when the supposedly-stolen tiger tally is seemingly present and accounted for is fascinating. Ziduan is visibly taken aback, and looks at Zisheng like he knows he has had something to do with this. At the same time, he says nothing even as his uncle tries to press, assuming the tally is a counterfeit. Zisheng is not merely compromising his own political schemes for Shaoshang here. He is caught in between Shaoshang—who has firmly allied herself with Zikun and Empress Xuan—and Ziduan, and he is going out of his way to maneuver in such a way where both of them remain protected, while also doing his best to salvage what he can of the plan for Ziduan (as evidenced by the fact that he did not return the tiger tally).

When Zisheng makes his choice to go after Ling Yi the way he does, it is Shaoshang who points out that he used the tiger tally knowing that it would result in Zikun being deposed, like a last gift to Ziduan. Ziduan denies this fervently, insisting that he did not want to implicate Zikun for Shaoshang's sake, but she brushes this aside. Zisheng is a detail-minded person, and he's excellent at using one action to cover multiple schemes. He knew what he was doing.

Ziduan's Conspiracy to Overthrow Zikun, and Zisheng's Involvement

We learn from Ziduan's words to Shaoshang that though Zisheng was with him and his uncle that day in the pagoda, Zisheng did not agree to join their conspiracy. Zisheng has never exposed Ziduan's intentions beyond the time he implored Shaoshang to stay away from the Eastern Palace because "someone is moving against it". It seems from Ziduan's words that he at the very least believes that Zisheng requires full plausible deniability for Shaoshang if nothing else. It's possible that Ziduan himself even believes that he does not have Zisheng's full support—although he trusts him to never get him in trouble, so the word "full" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here.

The relationship between Zikun and Zisheng and Ziduan is a fascinating one. While there is no doubt that Ziduan is Zisheng's truest friend, his relationship with Zikun is not as straightforward as, Zisheng actively wants him deposed for Ziduan, though this is the place that relationship is in by the time Shaoshang enters the palace. Zisheng has grown up at Zikun's side, and has been shown to be consistently giving him good advice through the years. Even when the issue of the tiger tally comes up, the seemingly cruel advice Zisheng offers—that the one way out is for the Crown Princess Consort to confess her part and take the blame—is genuine. For all of Zikun's failings, he had the potential to be a decent ruler, if he had decent people by his side. But Zikun has consistently chosen the wrong people, and taken bad advice, and the Crown Princess Consort does nothing but exacerbate this problem. Zisheng's advice is one that is designed to mitigate the ability of the Crown Princess Consort to continue causing future damage—though given his history with counseling Zikun against marrying her or appointing her relatives, it seems a foregone conclusion that Zikun will not take it.

Zisheng is of course biased toward Ziduan over Zikun, but he has given Zikun several chances to fix things as much as possible. While he might not have the same personal warmth for Zikun that he has for Ziduan, he has not given up on Zikun because of this. By the time Shaoshang enters the palace, we understand  that if she did not get in the way, Zisheng is happy to actively take steps to get Zikun deposed—but this is only after years of trying to advise Zikun in vain.

Absolutely nobody has any hard feelings in the long run about Ziduan's conspiracy either... Well, maybe Zikun does, we don't get to hear his thoughts on the subject—but he takes criticism so well and so humbly that I don't believe he'd hold a grudge, at least not in the long term. Even Empress points out on her deathbed that she doesn't need Yue Heng to offer her any promises or assurances about her family, when Ziduan has everything under control. The love and trust the Empress shows in that moment is profound—though of course she was also very much part of the "get Zikun out of this position" committee, as much for his own sake as the country's.

Ziduan and Shaoshang

The relationship between Ziduan and Shaoshang is not a harmonious one—and I spend a lot of time contemplating if it only became as combative as it did because Zisheng was hiding Ziduan from Shaoshang and shielding Shaoshang (and Zikun) from Ziduan, or if they were always going to clash no matter what.

They are essentially in a tug of war of Zisheng's loyalty that Shaoshang does not know she is engaging in for most of the narrative. Ziduan, meanwhile, might claim that he is only being antagonistic to keep up the act, but I do feel some of his frustration directed at Shaoshang must be real, given how much her presence has altered Zisheng's priorities. While Zisheng never fully betrays either of them for the other, he also can never fully support either—by some definition, he has betrayed both of them in small ways in defense of the other.

What strikes me most of all is that Ziduan does seem to warm up to Shaoshang very rapidly once they actually begin to speak plainly to each other—though there's no indication that she has ever warmed to him in return. The fact is that in their interactions in episode 49, Shaoshang is once again (and for the last time in the narrative) placed between Zisheng and Ziduan: specifically because Ziduan needs to save Zisheng, and he knows that only Shaoshang can, but she has the gall to be abed with "illness". Their resulting dialogue is so perfect and so well-acted, I love watching Ziduan's microexpressions throughout. Shaoshang's monologue about her worth is one of my favorite moments in the drama.

I say that Shaoshang is between Zisheng and Ziduan in these scenes only because I do believe that is how Ziduan sees her, initially. But in fact, Ziduan and Shaoshang are fully united in episode 49 as the two people who are willing to burn the world down to save Zisheng. Through the narrative, we have seen so many people try to appeal to Zisheng, and so many people who claimed to love him. Yet in episode 49, we see that not even the Emperor or Zikun or Uncle Cui can bring themselves to defend what seems an entirely inexplicable descent into patricide, no matter how loathsome Ling Yi was. It is Ziduan who goes fully feral, as Shaoshang had the night of Ling Yi's birthday banquet. It's Ziduan who storms the Cheng house, ready to drag Shaoshang out of bed, chastises her for not caring enough, snaps at the entire court to shut up, lays out how much Zisheng ought to mean to them, as a nominal member of their family.

In a world full of characters who claimed to love Zisheng, when he is truly in crisis, it is Shaoshang and Ziduan who stand by his side and refuse to budge.

For several viewings—until yesterday, in fact—I had been assuming that Ziduan must have a wife, somewhere in the narrative. But on closer inspection of the unnamed members of the imperial family...it does appear possible that he doesn't have one. Which seems odd, on one hand, because if Zisheng being single at his age is treated as such a big deal, then surely Ziduan is in a similar boat? Especially vying for the Crown Prince title as he is—surely he needs a wife?

I end up believing that surely he must have one, though based on what we know of his personality, I doubt it is romantic, if it is even sexual. It seems to me that Ziduan largely sees women as property, as pawns in his game. Or maybe this is just how he sees Shaoshang, who is the only woman we truly see him interact with as a person. (Even his presenting the evidence of Third Princess's crimes was so throwaway that she might have been anybody. Presumably his relationship with his mother is doing well enough, as he escapes the fire hose of her tongue lashing at the Huo memorial banquet, but we don't get to see their relationship either.) His (entirely unfair) criticisms of Shaoshang might just be what he thinks wives ought to be—but more likely, I see it as him trying to push her to "prove her worth" so to speak, as the person who has caused Zisheng to fall for her so thoroughly as she has. Zisheng, of course, being the person Ziduan cares about most in this world, as far as the narrative shows us—which brings us to the relationship I really am here to unpack.

Ziduan and Zisheng

Despite this relationship being such a big twist and so vital to the plot, it was astonishing to me that we never get a single scene of Ziduan and Zisheng just...interacting. Not one. They are always in a crowd or in a crisis, and while there is clearly a lot of love between them, and they clearly have moments just to themselves, the show never shows us a single one.

Oh, it hints at us.

The speed at which Zisheng was able to get to Shaoshang in the pagoda also has to take into account that he had to be able to communicate to Ziduan at some point, "I'll handle this, pretend I was never here".

The undertone of glee Ziduan is emitting in episode 38 during Zisheng's chastisement is probably coming from a place of getting to humble Shaoshang (who is at this point a thorn in his side that he has never really interacted with), but I also see his amusement as emoting for both himself and Zisheng. Gosh, I love imagining the verbal conversation that must have happened with the emperor, as well as the nonverbal conversation that must have happened between Ziduan and Zisheng before Shaoshang entered the throne room.

The way Ziduan went fully feral for Zisheng in episode 49 merits another mention, because it is pronounced. Here is a character who has spent most of the show being calm and collected and extremely image-conscious and careful with his words. Yet when he enters that throne room debating the crimes of Ling Buyi, his voice is so full of rage that it's hoarse. His accusation to Shaoshang from the scene before this, that she does not care enough because she is acting too calm, is very much him projecting, because he has fully lost his cool in the face of Zisheng's crisis. And not for a single moment does he care what the crimes are, or why Zisheng did them—he doesn't even have the bare-bone information that Shaoshang has worked out about Zisheng's true identity. All Ziduan wants is to save Zisheng. (This makes me think about the dialogue between him and Shaoshang at the Cheng house, too—because of course Shaoshang has the knowledge that she can probably get him exonerated. But Ziduan doesn't know what she does, so the fact that she leads by asking what is Ziduan's game plan here? And he doesn't have an answer. Chef's kiss moment for Shaoshang, honestly.)

In episode 51, when the Emperor is confronting Ziduan and Zisheng about their attempts to get Zikun deposed, there is a moment during Zisheng's explanation that he does not want to be Emperor when a series of close-ups cut to a wide shot, and we see Ziduan pulling his hand back from Zisheng. In fact, that whole scene is full of the love and trust between Ziduan and Zisheng, even though Zisheng never once so much as acknowledges Ziduan's presence. When Shaoshang enters the room, she seats herself a step behind Zisheng to his left, which approximately mirrors Ziduan's position on his right. I adore this position, which so clearly seems to illustrate the nature of the relationship between these three, and I lament that there are no shots showing all three of them in frame together. NONE. Not in the entire show.

When Zisheng returns from his 5 years in the north in episode 52, Ziduan is walking with him, side-by-side.

When Zisheng rushes to save Ziduan in episode 55, as soon as he recognizes the threat to Guo Village where Shaoshang is, Ziduan begins to demand that Zisheng leave him and go to her immediately, lest she feel abandoned again and never forgive him again. Note that it's not that Ziduan feels she cannot handle herself—it's purely their relationship he's worried about here (and arguably prioritizing over his own life).

The love between these two is profound and beautiful and despite the contention it causes with Shaoshang (and indeed even to some degree because of that) I wish they had shown us more of it.

Interpreting What We Got

So...I end up reading Ziduan as gay, and particularly in love with Zisheng. Sure, they grew up in the palace together, but they kept their distance from one another so as not to sow discord between the palaces. I can read them as platonic best friends, but I struggle to rad them as brothers. As far as I remember, the only time either of them refers to the other as a brother is when feral Ziduan is storming the court with Shaoshang in episode 49, and he appeals to everyone to remember that Zisheng was raised among them, like a brother.

Imagining them as exes, who had a thing in their teens and even after ending that have remained best friends, is also a lot of fun.

I don't read Ziduan as all that angsty or pining—I see him as a very practical character. His temperament is so alike Zisheng's that it's easy to interpret that even if he is in love with him, if he thinks that Shaoshang is what Zisheng wants and she will make him happy, he is not going to stand in their way.

I would love to see a future where Shaoshang and Ziduan get to know each other and just agree to share Zisheng. (I couldn't resist hinting at that in the one fic I have written about this.)

Regardless of how we read Ziduan's love for Zisheng, as I see it, as of the end of the show, Shaoshang still stands between Zisheng and Ziduan, but Ziduan no longer holds this against her. He understands that Zisheng needs her to be happy, and that for the rest of his life, he will be devoted to her. Maybe on some level Ziduan even feels he owes Shaoshang this too, given how he promised her before going to rescue Zisheng from the side of the cliff, that he would make sure Zisheng apologized to her—and never did.

The only thing preventing all three of them happily being friends (or a throuple, or two consenting couples whose hypotenuse between Shaoshang and Ziduan is a queer platonic relationship, which is my shipping preference) is Shaoshang's (very justified!) distrust/distaste for Ziduan. Which I think could be mitigated, given time and effort. I want to see it mitigated.

One thing that has struck me on these repeated rewatches is the way that Ziduan is so upfront about his affection for Zisheng as soon as he is able to do so openly. It makes me wonder how much he has counted on having Zisheng at his side when he eventually secured the Crown Prince position, and how much it must pain him that Zisheng sacrificed his position in the palace to secure him that spot. (Though of course he would be able to see as well as we can that it is also Zisheng's penance for everything, including wronging Shaoshang.)

Anyway, I love Wen Ziduan so much.

[sakiyaki-sashimi]

Fuck so I just finished Trigun Stampede and this ending touched me.

The desperation and awfully tragic characterization of Knives clashing with Vash, the themes of duality and “sides” throughout the show coming to a head beautifully.

I like the nod to the first Trigun anime in Vashs haircut in the big cube fight with him and Nai, I thought it was a nice touch! Also Milly will be in the second season? Cool! I’ve heard lovely things about her character!

God the animation was beautiful, not one for 3D but it really worked here!

Okay, final questions: Is Vash dead??? I know at least Wolfwood or Roberto is dead cuz of the picture and the cigarette memorial, but I don’t know who, hopefully not both!!! My guess is Roberto since they’re prob gonna replace him with Milly and have the core characters of the original Trigun in the second season? I think lol

Last thoughts: absolutely wonderful show, already itching for more!!! The characters and story were amazing, though a bit complex for me to get at times lol! The animation style really grew on me as time passed, and this show has an amazing knack for getting me to care for characters I really haven’t known long! Wish the pacing was a bit better, but that might just be my desire to have these people be happy for 2.5 seconds before destruction occurs yet again lol

Though I am not an old fan of Trigun, far from it, as I’ve literally just written my first full experience with it, but I can already see this this is a complete love letter to fans of Trigun

Amazing watch, so happy to have had this experience!!

If you want a list of all my Trigun watch thru posts (can’t imagine why, but still), here they are!!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

(Part 7 is this post lol)

Wow, didn’t realize I had this much to say XD

[bettdraws]

Funny how we get criticized for wanting Lucien to be happy with his mate because you know… they’re mates and a rejection is tragic for both of them and we know they complement eachother beautifully, but E/riels praise themselves for being self righteous and “woke” for wanting Elain to “have a choice” while driving the ship with Elain changing her whole personality under the guise of “character growth” (this meaning she becoming murderous apparently) and fixing Azriel’s issues with her light and warmth.