#they're freaked out by small things that shouldn't be possible

[iliterallydecepticanteven]

Combining the idea that Teresa wants to work in the ICU and the idea that Mac has energon poisoning, I've been given the following:

Mac, sitting in the emergency room holding a bucket of her own glowing vomit and looking like death warmed over: huh, that's new

Teresa: IT CERTAINLY FUCKING IS

Wig you have given me a wonderful idea for a drabble, please enjoy:

Teresa had bounced between multiple different hospitals in her time working as a travel nurse. She knows the ins and outs, the dangers of the profession, and what the various codes mean. Code blue is cardiac arrest, code red is a fire, code pink is someone trying to kidnap a kid, code aqua is part of the building is flooding, code white is get security to me now, code silver is someone's grandpa wandered off again, and so on. Those were the most common she heard on her usual shifts and she'd called a couple of them herself.

However, as she bounced between her two ICU patients, thinking about if she should text Emily about bringing home dinner, she freezes in place as the overhead intercom crackles to life.

"Code orange in emergency department, code orange in emergency department. Stay clear of area."

"What the fuck?" she mutters. The emergency department was a meager floor below them.

One of the nursing students with them on shift gives her a confused look. "What's code orange for?"

"Hazardous materials that aren't biohazardous. Usually radiation or chemical spills," she says, stepping behind the counter of the nurses station.

The phone rang and Teresa nearly jumped out of her skin. The charge nurse answers it and Teresa takes a few deep calming breaths. She tries to remind herself that it probably wasn't that bad. Someone probably cracked the container of one of the xray machines or spilled cleaning chemicals.

"Teresa?" She turns at the sound of her name. The charge nurse had one hand over the receiver of the phone. "You have radiation and hazardous material safety training right?"

Her stomach twists as she sighs, "Yeah."

Teresa had worked in her far share of various wards and units while traveling. She had oncological experience handling both chemotherapy patients and radiation patients. Whatever was happening must have been a mix as she had been told to gown, double glove, put on a respirator and face shield, and a lead vest with an EPD. She was pulling her disposable shoe covers on when the elevator dings.

Teresa was already in the patient's designated room. It was at the very end of the unit and had no one in the neighboring rooms to reduce the chances of cross contamination. She's not sure what she's expecting to be wheeled in. She had seen gruesome sights in her career. Everything from fourth degree burns to necrotic limbs to chemical burns down to the bone. She always expects the worst and hopes for the best.

The bed is wheeled into the room and Teresa freezes in shock.

Her patient is a young woman, looking small against the stark white sheets, still wearing street clothes, and clutching a bucket in her lap. Her eyes are glossy and something bright blue is dribbling from the side of her mouth.

Transport gets the bed into place and Teresa steps into the hall to take report. The patient, Mackenzie Adam, came into the emergency department complaining of gastrointestinal distress, high fever, trouble focusing, and a migraine. She then proceeded to vomit into a bucket, the contents of which were described as "unnaturally blue" and set off the radiation warning system. Vitals had been taken, blood type and allergies unknown, and she scored an eleven on the Glasgow Coma Scale.

"Great," Teresa says, clapping her hands together.

"We're trying to pull doctors to come and see her right now, it's just, we don't know what's wrong so we don't know who to send," the nurse says.

"It's fine. I'll take vitals and see what her complaints are," Teresa says.

She steps back into the room and smiles wide enough that it translates to her eyes. "Hi Mackenzie, can you tell me where you are right now?"

Mackenzie blinks slowly before mumbling, "Hospital."

Teresa gently places a monitor onto one of her fingers. She glances into the bucket and bites back a wince at the glowing contents. "Wonderful. Do you know which hospital?"

"Mercy," she mumbles.

"Correct," Teresa says. Slowly increasing that GCS was always good. She taps at her patient monitor, bringing it to life, and begins reading her vitals. Then she does a double take and reads them again. Just to be sure, she fishes a thermometer out of her pocket and swipes it across Mackenzie's forehead.

"What's wrong?" the woman asks her.

Teresa hesitates before answering, "Well, your vitals are a bit concerning. Your heartrate is a little high, as is your blood pressure, but still within range. And your oxygen saturation is phenomenal. But your temperature is very high and we need to bring it down."

Teresa had seen high temperatures before. She had encountered her fair share of hyperpyrexia patients and coaxed their 106 degree fevers down within normal range. She had seen patients hit 108 and watched their bodies give out.

The temperature on the monitor and her own thermometer read 125 degrees Fahrenheit. By all modern medical logic, Teresa should be standing next to a corpse, not someone who looked like she was suffering through the worst hangover of her life.

"Oh. I do feel kinda warm," Mackenzie says. She begins to shift around, pulling at her coat, and Teresa breaks out of her daze to help her.

With her arms free, she should start an IV line on her, start getting fluids in at the very least, and pull blood samples. But that grinds to a halt when she looks down at her patient's arms.

"Do you know what's wrong with me?" Mackenzie asks her. Her heartrate has increased.

Teresa snaps her eyes back. Normally, this was the point when she should be forcing a reassuring smile onto her face and saying she'd get the doctor. But there was no doctor right now.

"I am not a doctor, so I cannot give you an official diagnosis," Teresa begins. "But I can point out abnormalities."

She walks over to the light switch and flicks it off. The room is illuminated only by the meager light from the hallway, the dying sun outside, and a third source. She walks back to the bedside and gently grabs one of Mackenzie's wrists, turning her arm over to expose the underside of her forearm.

"See how it looks like your veins are glowing?" she asks.

Mackenzie nods and in the low light Teresa sees that it's not just her veins. The sclera of her eyes were tinted the same luminescent blue.

"They're not supposed to fucking do that," Teresa says.

"Oh," Mackenzie replies and Teresa has to bite back a nervous laugh. The whole situation felt so surreal, so fake, so inane. She wondered if she was going to wake up to this all being some wild dream.

As she snaps the light back on, she hears Mackenzie mumble, "I don't feel good." It's the only warning she gets before the woman goes lax and the monitor screams as she flatlines. Teresa curses to herself before calling a code blue.

Twenty-eight minutes of chest compressions and an ungodly amount of epinephrine later, Mackenzie is sitting up in her bed, asking for some water, surrounded by confused neurologists, cardiologists, hematologists, and toxicologists.

Teresa has retreated to the clean stock room to take a moment to compose herself by sitting on a box of clean linens and whispering, "What the actual fuck."

[enam3l]

dirty thirty (@funsonmunson-again's mafia eddie x reader)

funsonmunson-again's birthday week writing challenge / prompt #24: saving the best for last haha, but birthday spankings with any of the eddies!

happy birthday evie!! thank you for reviving the timeline with your amazing fics. it's eddie's birthday too and he's in trouble...

CW: very much 18+, pure smut, bdsm, use of guns, truly the most depraved thing i've ever written.

 For his 30th birthday, Eddie Munson has nearly just taken a shot to the head... but in your defence, he really fucking deserved it. 

Slowly - albeit on wobbly feet - Eddie, Gareth, Jeff and Freak turn around to face you, eyes still wide from seeing the bullet fly past their boss's shoulder. They're stood in a line like naughty school boys in your garden, caught doing something they shouldn't be. Which is exactly what's happened.

You stand in front of the glass doors that lead onto the patio, curtains billowing and light glowing behind you. Flanked by four growling dogs. The light from the house reveals the curves of your body under the sheer babydoll lingerie you're wearing. But no one is looking at the small number, they're cowering at the pistol in your hands and the infuriated look on your face. 

'Get inside, now,' you snarl, the dogs' snapping in agreement with you. 

At the stroke of midnight, by some miracle of god, the unimaginable happened and Eddie Munson reached thirty years of age. Each year of his life since he hit ten, felt like a bonus. He was sure he'd never see twenty and absolutely certain he'd never meet thirty but here he was. He'd been surprised you let him go out with the guys that night but you insisted. 

'Let loose with the boys, then I can have you all to myself in the day,' you'd smirked, clearly hiding something. 

The four men left the house at 8pm, promising to be back by 2am at the latest. Yet, by the fourth shot of tequila, that promise was long forgotten as well as Eddie's suspicions that you'd been planning something. 

Which you had. Throughout your four years together, it had been near impossible to surprise Eddie. Firstly, his line of business meant he liked to know everything that was going on. Surprises equalled the opportunity for danger. Secondly, you shared your finances - although, in all honesty, his finances, but he enforced a what's mine is yours policy. So, it was hard to splash on something for him, without him noticing when the bills came or his accountant alerting him. But for his thirtieth, you devised enough was enough. 

After hearing him murmur to himself so many times about his disbelief he had survived this long. Not only had he survived, but now, with you by his side, he was living. Your man deserved for once to be surprised and spoilt. To reign in a new decade of life together in the best way possible. 

Therefore, for the past year you had been plotting. With the help of Eddie's accountant and the boys, you'd secretly been putting money aside. Slicing off a chunk of any 'shopping trip' money, he gave you, and putting into a secret account. The accountants making investments on your behalf throughout the year that also went into the account. 

Now, you had a hefty chunk of cash that was being spent on the most devastatingly romantic holiday to France that money can buy. A long glamorous weekend in Paris, followed by a week hiding away together on a private beach in Monaco. The flight was booked for Eddie's birthday, that's why you'd let the boys take him out - so you could pack without getting rumbled. But nothing is ever so simple with a Munson. 

At 1am, with still no Eddie, you'd become impatient. 

By 2am, you were irritated. 

By 3am, you were furious. 

By 4am, you were terrified that something awful had happened. 

At 4:15am you thought those fears were confirmed as you heard gunfire from the gardens.

Not even thinking how you were dressed in an entirely unsuitable birthday present for Eddie, your instincts kicked in. Taking the pistol out the bedside table and with your precious pups quick on your heels, you ran down the stairs. Brain screaming with all the awful possibilities of what could've happened. No matter how long you've been together, the fear over Eddie's job never truly leaves. You burst through the patio doors and fire a warning shot... and then you see the culprits. 

Eddie and the boys, lined up, their own pistols in hand. Before them were (once) law ornaments which they had clearly lined up and started target practice on. Now they were looking at you, the tiny remaining sober part of their brains were doing some explaining. Maybe coming home late and doing target practice whilst you were oblivious and gone alone, wasn't a great idea. 

With big blinking eyes, like Bambi in front of headlights, Eddie begins to stumble on his words.

'K-k-kitten, hi... I'm s-sorr-'

'Shut the fuck up,' you snapped harshly. The rest of the guys immediately looked down at the ground. 

'Edward, get inside NOW. The rest of you, leave.' 

Immediately, the four grown men begin to wobble and scramble. The three that weren't your fiancée, babbling, 

'We're so sorry Y/N... we didn't mean to... we lost track of...'

'I don't care. Go, before you're limping as well as swaying and this time it'll be because I've shot you in the fucking leg.' 

In a flash, they were gone. You glowered at your now shattered flamingos in the distance before turning to look at Eddie. He was tripping over the entrance to the house when you finally looked him in the eye. 

'Baby... I really sorry,' he whispered. 

'I don't think you are,' you said coolly, 'go to the bedroom. Now.'

Eddie didn't hesitate, he quickened his stumbling pace. As you locked the doors, you could see him gripping onto Lucifer for stability. Then using Zeus as well once he attempted the stairs. You could hear him unsubtly whispering to them as he climbed the marble steps. 

'I've never seen your Mom this mad before.'

It's true, he hadn't and he was petrified. More terrified than he had ever been in a sticky situation during work, he had far more to lose with you. Good job Munson, he grumbles to himself, not even five hours into 30 and you've fucking blown it. 

When you finally come up to the bedroom, Eddie is sat on the edge of the bed, throbbing head in his hands. Now he's not stumbling around, he can finally look at you. The pretty sheer dress you're wearing in his favourite colours, pretty bows and ruffles and microscopic matching panties. Your hair is swept up how he likes as well. Everything you've done, as ever, is for him. He feels awful and not because he's drank the best part of a bottle of tequila and a whiskey more expensive than several of his rings. 

'You look really beautiful, kitten,' he whispers, big eyes now wet. 

But your eyes are still filled with anger. 

'How could you, Eddie!' You shout, 'you scared the shit out of me!'

'I'm sorry, I-' he croaks. 

'No!' You snap, taking a kitten heel off and launching it across the room. 'No excuses. I've not finished! Can you imagine if I had done that? Disappeared longer than I said and without contact? Then you heard random shooting outside?'

Eddie's blood ran cold at the thought and knuckles white as he gripped the sheets beneath him. If he was in your shoes, a search party would be out and he'd be sick with worry. 

'That's what I thought,' you mutter as you see the look on his face. 'You wouldn't let me ever leave without an escort again.' 

It's true, he'd never let you leave his side. 

'I thought you were...' your facade and your voice finally cracks, 'I've never been so scared in my life!' 

Irritated that your mask has slipped, you stomp forward to Eddie. With all the anger in your body, you shove your lean fiancée, causing him to fall backwards on the bed. Eddie stays lying there, not wanting to look up and catch you sniffling. He doesn't want to make it worse. His heart cracks hearing what he's done to you, especially on what is supposed to be a happy day. Especially when you'd clearly planned something for his return. 

He clears his throat, wanting to ensure he gets his words out perfectly. 

'Kitten, I know. You never would've done this to me. I'm so sorry. What can I do? How do I fix it?'

There's only silence for a little while but he keeps his eyes trained to the white ceiling. Then, he feels your hand hovering on his knee. 

'Turn over,' you say firmly but quietly. 

Eddie lets out a confused mumble but does as he's told. Right now, if you told him to eat his own shoes, he would. Then, he feels you take an ankle, lifting it so you can begin to take off his boot. Once it's off, he kicks off the other himself. He gulps then, truly unwitting over your plans. Your hands now tug at the waist of his slacks, nails scratching at his back. In attempt to aid you, he raises his hips and undoes his belt and buttons, allowing you to slide them off. 

He hears the sound of his eyelashes flutter against the duvet as he blinks, anxiously. Are you just getting him ready for bed? He would like to just go to sleep in your arms right now. Whisper he's sorry and he loves you until you both fall asleep. But that's not what is going to happen. 

No, that's definitely not going to happen, Eddie realises suddenly. As before he can even process, you've quickly tugged down his underwear, and have cracked down your palm against his ass cheek. Eddie gasps. 

'You're going to feel how angry I am, Eddie,' you say so calmly that a trail of goosebumps prickle down his spine. 

'I'm going to do to you, what you would've done to me in this situation... and you're going to take it.' 

Crack. You hit his cheek again. 

'Do you understand?'

'Yes, kitten,' he barely whispers. He's scared, confused and aroused. Never, ever, have you done this to him before but he doesn't dare protest. 

'Good,' your palm soothes over the attacked cheek. It's barely blushing, your own hand nothing in comparison to Eddie's own sprawling ones. He widens his legs so you can stand further between them. He knows right now, he just needs to let you do what you need to do.  

Crack. Crack. Eddie gasps. Crack. The fear, surprise and arousal mixed together is intoxicating. His heart is in his throat and his palms are sweating. Each smack, full of raw emotion, sends a zap through his body. 

'That's five, Eddie... I'm going to do thirty.' 

Eddie's eyes widen. 

'If you're going to act like this, at your age now, then I'm going to give you a present deserving of it. So, twenty five to go.' 

He's not sure he can last that long in silence, without crying out your name or moaning or worse, popping a boner whilst you're angry. Then, he feels a dip on the bed alongside him. For the first time since you shoved him, he dares to steal a glance at you. Your eyes are dark and looking back at him. 

'You should probably sit across my knee. It'll make this easier for everyone,' your voice is unwavering. This new stern side to you is equal parts unnerving and sexy. 

Eddie scrambles to his feet quickly and stands before you. You look him up and down, infuriatingly, he looks so good. You'd thought that when he left the house and you couldn't wait to throw yourself at him upon his return. But he ruined it. Now he's just there, a sheepish look on his face, shirt still on but his cock out. You had planned to ride it until you both collapsed, but now plans have been spoilt. 

'Take your shirt off and get over my knee,' you sigh. Your voice sounds so uninterested, it makes Eddie's heart pang. He wants to get on his hands and knees and beg for your attention and forgiveness. Desperate to smother you in kisses. 

However, he does as he's told. A shiver rippling through him as he rids himself of the shirt. Anxiously, he walks to the side of you and clambers onto the bed and then spreads himself over your lap. He wiggles, following your guidance to get his lap perfectly across your thighs. 

'Baby, is this right? Do you need to me to move more?' Eddie asks, desperate to please you. 

'S'fine,' you say casually. 

But there's nothing casual about the gasp that escapes him as your fingers trail down his back. Small circles drawn into the dimples above his ass. Then one hand trails down to the top of his thigh and rests, whilst another stays on his asscheek. There's nothing for a moment and Eddie feels his heart racing and the anticipation. Until, he feels your soft lips place a peck on the one cheek you'd struck. It gives him butterflies knowing you still want to give him gentle loves. 

'That's nice... thank you, baby,' his voice sounds smaller than ever before. 

'S'okay, Eds. I'm gonna go again now, okay?' 

He nods. Your hand smooths over the untouched cheek, stealing a squeeze. 

'This one needs to catch up, hmm?' You coo. Oh god, he thinks, you're playing with him now. Like a cat with a mouse. 

Five sharp, consecutive slaps, crack down against the porcelain skin. Each jolting Eddie and causing him to gasp. You squint, wondering if part of him actually enjoys this. So you test the theory. 

'Nineteen,' you say. 

Then, the hand smacks down, harder than ever before. Hard enough that he knows there's a mark. 

'Eighteen!'

This one even harder, your hand clearly coming down from quite a distance. The jolt from the force causes his cock to flop between the gap of your thighs. 

'Seventeen! Sixteen!' 

Smack. Smack. Both as hard as the last. There's no denying it hurts, but it's also good. Eddie feels good that you're punishing him for scaring you. It satisfies the shame he feels and his body knows it because his cock springs to life. Rock hard now between your soft thighs. 

'You're fucking hard?' You scoff, turning the cheeks on his face, not just his ass, bright red. 'Do you not understand that I'm angry? This isn't for your pleasure! Fifteen!' 

'Oh fuck,' Eddie cries. Fifteen was the hardest yet and it pushed his body down, causing your thighs to tug at his cock. 

'You're sick, Eddie. Getting off on this...' you rake your nails down his back now, causing more moans from him. 

'Do you like it? Facing the consequences of your actions for once, baby?' You snarl. Your hands have now reached the base of his neck and tug at some hair there. 

'Yes, yes,' he wines. He can't stop himself, he thrusts into your thighs some more. Fucking himself between your plush skin. You're genuinely shocked. 

'Oh my god... you really are getting off on this, hmm? Engaged and I'm still learning new things about you. My dirty boy, hmm. Ready for more?' 

Panting from thrusting at your thighs, Eddie nods. 

'Okay, you asked for it...' 

Fourteen. Thirteen. Twelve. Eleven. Ten. Each one is quick, sharp and alternates between each cheek. Eddie snaps his hips, jerking his throbbing cock off in time with your hits. Your own panties are soaked at seeing your big, scary, mafia boss, so desperate and pathetic. 

Eddie whelps something you don't make out. You pinch the skin of his hip and ask him to repeat. 

'The belt, the belt,' he cries, 'god, please use the fucking belt!'

Your face scrunches up, wondering if he really just said what you think. But before you can process, you feel him shift. His arm stretches out down to the floor. Your questions are answered when he thrusts the belt he had holding his slacks up, behind his back and into your hands. 

Oh, you gasp internally, he really fucking wants this bad. 

Tauntingly, you brush the smooth leather across his skin. 

'You feel that bad, huh? Understand just how angry I am, Edward?' 

'Yes, kitten, please...' he cries, 'please show me.'  

At first you hesitate, not wanting to do some serious damage. Folding the belt in half, you bring down the looped end against his bright pink cheek. Nine. The sound is heavier than any your palm could make but you know the sensation is even harsher. 

Eddie groans in frustration and shakes his head. He wants it worse. 

You tighten your grip and bring it down harder. Eight. Instantly there's lines imprinted on his skin from the edges of the belt. But it's clear that's what he wanted, as his hips thrust ferociously and you feel precum trickling down your calf. 

Seven. 

Six. 

Five. 

Eddie is crying your name, fists white knuckling the bed linen. His skin has transformed from magenta to blooms of purple. 

'Just five more and then it's the big 3-0, okay?'

He's barely paying attention, so lost in the high, continuously fucking himself in your thighs. You take the belt to the other cheek now. 

Four. A warning spank. You lean down and press a kiss each cheek. This is it. 

'Say' 

Three. 

'You're'

Two.

'Fucking'

One. 

'Sorry!'

Eddie's cock spurts his load all down your legs as he cries. 

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry kitten, I'm so fucking sorry!' 

His body trembles on you at the aftershock of such intense touch. Another load of cum squirts out. He sobs real tears, you can tell, into the sheets. 

'Kitten. I'm sorry, m'sorry, love you s'much,' he whimpers. 

You let both your hands soothingly rub his back and thighs and you lean down to presses kisses to his ass. Perfect porcelain now splattered in purples and pinks. 

'I know, Eds. It's why it upset me so much. You're never reckless like that... I wanted you home. Was supposed to be perfect when you got home...'

Eddie can hear that the anger is gone and now there's just a soft sadness in your voice. Ignoring the ache in his backside, he crawls off you, sliding onto the floor. Slotting himself between your thighs as he rests on his knees. Capturing your hands, he kisses them. 

'Let me make it up to you, sweetheart,' he pleads. Big brown eyes, red from tears and begging. Letting go of your hands, Eddie takes your knees and pushes them further apart. He reveals his cum still dripping from you thighs. Leaning in, eyes still looks at you, he kitten licks his own spend up. 

'You shouldn't have let me cum,' he mumbled against the velvety skin at the apex of your thighs. 

'Should've forced me to make you cum, over and over and over... so that's what I'm gonna do.'  

You just nod and let Eddie take over. He tugs your soaked panties off. 

'These were so cute, kitten. I didn't deserve them,' he sucks at the wet crotch, 'daddy was so bad but now daddy will make it up to you. I promise.'  

With that, Eddie dives into your folds. Lapping up the wetness that's been gathering like he had his own cum. That alone makes you sigh, so much of the tension leaving your body. Bringing your thighs over his shoulder, he buried his face further to access to your clit. Latching onto it the moment he finds it. Sucking until you squirm. 

'That's it,' he sighs, his voice happy now, 'going to make my girl feel better.' He punctuates each word with a soft kiss to your bud. 

It's all parts feral and tender and causes your tense body to flop back onto the bed. Eddie is shortly quick to chase you. With your thighs round his neck, he guides you to lie back against the pillows so he can completely lie down and lose himself in your cunt. 

Now his body is fully relaxed, he makes out with your pussy. Going from sucking your clit to lapping at your hole. 

'That's so good, Eds,' you coo, hand twisting curls round your fingers. Now, Eddie knows he's on his way to forgiveness. 

Forcing your legs a little further, he goes in for the kill. Using the move he knows always makes you crumble. He sucks both his thumbs, letting one come up to toy with your clit and the other drops to press against your tight asshole. 

The concentration alone sobers Eddie up. He hears you gasp and cry his name as the thumbs circle each pleasure point. Then he lets his tongue fuck into your hole unrelentingly. Faster. Faster. Your thighs are squirming but Eddie won't stop until you get the release you deserve. The wiggling results into his thumb popping into your asshole causing your hips to jerk and your hand to rip at his hair. 

'Jesus fuck, Eddie,' you sob, tears erupting at the overwhelming sensation.  

Eddie plunges his tongue as far as he can, along with his thumb in your ass and then tears aren't the only thing erupting. Your little cunt spasms, squirt soaking his tongue and face. Your whole body left trembling as you gasp. Eddie doesn't let on that it causes him to cum against the bedsheets where he'd be gently rubbing himself against. 

Wiping his face and licking his fingers clean, Eddie smiles at your fucked out frame. 

'That is the best birthday present you can ever get me, kitten.' 

Leaving you to catch your breath, he gets up and waddles over to the light switch. His sore cheeks definitely limiting his movements more than the alcohol ever did. The bedside lamp keeps the room in a soft glow as he turns the main light off. 

Slowly, he climbs under the covers and into bed next to you. 

'Is it... is it okay if I hold you now, Y/N?' Eddie's voice is soft but nerve filled. You turn and look at him, chocolate eyes full of worry still. Nodding, you shuffle under the duvet and into his waiting arms. Lying in a way that you can both look at each other. 

'I love you and I'm sorry. I can't imagine how scared you must've been. We got carried away,' he sighs, stroking fallen strands out of your face. Leaning forward, you press a soft kiss to his chewed lips. He melts into you instantly, soul settling to be fully reunited with yours. 

'Just... don't do something like that again or I won't let you make it to thirty,' you smile against his lips.  

Eddie pulls back and looks at you, wide eyed in shock. 'You see us being 60 together?' 

His response makes your brow furrow. 

'Yes? Obviously, you silly boy? Eds... I'm marrying you in just a couple of months.' You laugh, pressing another few kisses to his lips. When you look back, his cheeks are flushed like his backside. 

'Doesn't seem real still. Don't know how I made it this long, but you wanting to marry me? S'the most unbelievable part...' 

You shake your head. 

'Best get believing. You're about to experience a week long love fest...'

Eddie cocks his head in confusion and you lean up to peck his cute round nose. 

'I think we'll have to bring your ruined ass a cushion though for the journey... filthy boy,' you chuckle causing Eddie to groan and bite his lip. 

But your words must finally hit him. Releasing you from his hold, he now waves his arms maddeningly in confusion. 

'What the hell, what's going on, woman!'

You chuckle to yourself, knowing you're finally about to pull off a surprise on him. Even at 30, the love of your life, Eddie Munson, still doesn't know how spectacular he is. But it's okay, you've got the rest of your lives to show him. 

did you enjoy that? i bet you did, you sick fucks x

[homunculus-argument]

More random toying with fantasy cliché tropes: The Main Character, but like, undiagnosed.

A protagonist who's got every single damn Fated Main Character -cliche in the books but keeps insisting they're totally normal. Every single weird omen that happens to them just makes them go "ehh, I'm sure that happens to everyone" and ignores them. The way ravens keep following them around and trying to tug at their clothes is probably normal and the weird birthmark that's shaped exactly like a raven is just a random splotch and it's completely coincidental that it's in the same place as this Hero Who Was Fated For was supposed to have a "mark of a raven" and it's not, like, a perfectly clear tattoo outline or anything so obviously it's not a raven.

And they keep trying to live an everyday life and royally sucking at doing regular things - as a trait that'd work as a fantasy author's cop-out way of going "see, this protagonist isn't a perfect mary sue, they suck at baking bread!" on a Cool Adventurer Protagonist, but since the protagonist refuses to go on an adventure, it wouldn't cross anyone's mind to figure that they'd surely be a natural talent in swordplay and magic and learning elvish grammar - that's just the Tragic Orphan Turned Incompetent Adult who sucks at baking bread and keeps insisting that everyone else is lying about never getting pestered by ravens.

It's made clear from the start that everyone in The Quaint Small Village is freaking sick of this weird person and they keep failing to convince people that they're not trying to be special, and going "look my aunt says I'm fine so therefore I'm fine", when the aforementioned aunt is very clearly the only person who keeps insisting that her sister's child isn't weird, they just suck at everything in ways that shouldn't be possible without the presence of magic.

Also obviously everyone gets prophetic dreams of their dead parents warning them about mysterious things and telling them riddles, right? That's just a normal part of being an orphan. And obviously it's purely coincidental that literally nobody else in the village has That Distinct Haircolour that's a famous feature of the local royal family and everyone making remarks of the protagonist's uncanny resemblance to the prince who is now king who visited the area a year before the protagonist was born is surely just being mean. Like coincidences just happen sometimes, right?

And eventually the protagonist's mother appears in a dream more clearly than ever, going "look, sweetie, you're 26 and you've been ignoring The Call Of Fate for, like, ten years now. You've got to answer eventually. Just go to the damn wizard already."

And the protagonist goes "uuuuuuuuuugh fine. But I'm going to complain the whole way."

[reesespeanutbutterfuck]

imperfectionist (vinny hong x jo!reader)

jay jo's imperfectionist sister meets the flawful vinny hong.

part 5

part 4 | part 6

part warnings: fem!reader, cursing, mentions of blood, stab wounds & h*rassment (tw!), jo!reader (jay is reader's 1 year older brother, but they're in the same class), second person's pov (you, you're, your), reader is NOT yumi. wb main story SPOILERS, nothing much happening in here wait for future chs

—

Suki, your roommate-slash-basketball-teammate, didn't let time pass not knowing what really happened to you. She went hysterical after she found your bloodied clothes soaked in the basin in your shared bathroom. You should have tossed it in the trash bin without washing.

She didn't let you live it down. Curse you for having someone with an inquisitive nature for a friend. 

“What happened?!” You carefully took a turn to set foot in the living room, since Suki, after coming to your shared room straight from the airport, decided to go to the bathroom first thing after she entered. You forgot she was coming home.

“Those weren't splatters of dried blood, Suki. It's paint. You must be having jet lag, you should rest.”

“Even someone who's not a medical rookie will know dried blood when they see one.”

You sighed. You tried to fight her suspicious stare off, until you gave up and opened your mouth, “Got stabbed. In a closed alley.”

“What?! Why?! So that's why I can't contact you! Where's your phone?” Of course she would freak out. Anyone with a troublesome friend would.

“Don't tell my mom. I got harassed on my way here. It was self-defense. It happened quickly.”

Her brows furrowed with mixed emotions until she sighed, “How is your wound now? Can I see?” She held your arms lightly in an attempt to turn you to the other way to see your back, but you refused to.

You swatted her hands away. “You don't need to. It's a small one, just a tad bit deep.”

“I don't believe you. Why are you moving around now? Isn't the wound open? You shouldn't even be standing up right now! What if the stitches loosen?!” Suki was losing her mind at how lightly you take the situation for.

“I'm not stupid to walk around places with my back opened like a fucking wallet.”

“Wait, don't tell me you stitched it up by yourself?” her eyes worriedly widened, wondering how it was possible for you to reach your back. “We all have faith in your suturing skills, but we're not doctors! You should have it checked!”

“I–”

“We should go to a hospital—not where your parents work. Some other hospital, anywhere else. I can book a ride, or wait for me to get my car from home and I'll drive us there–”

She picked up her cardigan and keys and was ready to exit the door, uncaring about her own fatigue from her flight. You quickly held her by the shoulders to stop her.

“Hey, hey! It's fine, I'm fine. You're tired from your flight, Suki. You should rest. Besides, someone saw me and already brought me to the hospital.”

“Which hospital?”

“My parents' workplace.” You let go of her shoulders and turned the other way.

She gave you a meaningful look. “Must be someone with a death wish. Who was it?”

You side-eyed her and squinted your eyes.

“What?”

“You don't even agree to be brought to that hospital by me, or anyone. And you probably would have refused help if it meant you being brought there injured. So who was this person who had all the guts to bring you there?”

"Well, I met someone–”

“Someone?” her eyes twinkled in eagerness, as if you mentioning this someone stimulated something in her. And you knew that look too well. This girl. “'Met someone' as in...?”

“Suki.” you gave her a warning look. “He's just… someone. Somewhat interesting at first sight, but no more than that.”

You thought that would stop her, but how wrong you were. Her smile grew even bigger. “So it's a ‘he’? And here I always thought you weren't into men. Are you seeing someone without telling me?”

You rolled your eyes. “No.” 

“Do tell me more.”

“Remember that red-haired grouch I stitched temporarily after duty that I told you about?” 

You then told her about everything. Why, where, and how.

“My, what a coincidence! Hadn't I known you well, I would've said you were being brought together by destiny.”

“Get your head off your damn romance novels. It's the only way to push Jay to pursue what he’s really passionate about. If I don't push the grouch, I can't push Jay too. He'll be stuck in a loop of finding his purpose and quite possibly even suffer from an existential crisis forever.”

“You have a point.” Her eyes flicked to the side as she nodded her head in agreement. “So about the guy who brought you to the hospital, what are you with this grouch? You like him?”

“I already told you, No. He's insufferable, and his hair's like a tomato.” You recalled what he looked like. Yeah. Red hair and an attitude. A tomato.

“Tomato, huh? Odd, but okay.” She made a face and tried her best to contain a laugh. “What's his name? Do you have a picture of him?”

You turned to your bedroom, being extra careful while walking to not rip the stitches. The anesthesia was wearing off and you were starting to feel the pain off of your lower back. “I'll tell you some other time. I’m tired.”

Suki quickly noticed how you struggled to walk so she rushed beside you in an instant and held you. “I'll see him at some point. Not now, but I'll surely, finally see your newest obsession.”

You sighed. “Obsession, ha.” 

“Stop being indenial. I know how obsessed you get with people.” You rolled your eyes for the nth time. You were not thinking of him that way. Never, even. He's just someone who needs the crew, and is needed by the crew. 

Right?

—

The weekends passed, you isolated yourself inside your apartment. With Suki only unloading her things inside your shared apartment before coming home to her family home here in Korea, you pretty much spent the rest of the weekend only by yourself. 

Not to mention how the stitches fucking hurt when the anesthesia's effect subsided. You skipped classes for weeks while faking a flu—having Suki cover up for you, to give your discreet wound time to heal before you resumed class. Suki helped you clean it up since you legally cannot reach your back. Thankfully the stab wasn't that big enough to give you difficulties while cleaning, that's why you didn't need to go back to the hospital anymore. 

Which leads you, one time when Suki was attending to your fresh stitches, you wondered how Vinny endured the pain while his wound was healing. Since his, it was actually more deep than yours and bigger from the outside. It must've pained him like shit. You wonder if it left a visible scar.

Oh, speaking of him, You asked Jay about the arrangement of the crew, and you found out… that surprisingly Vinny showed up to their first gathering and first practice as a team. As Hummingbird crew. 

You felt blank. You didn't know what to feel. You didn't expect him to agree but at the same time you were hoping for him to join. You hugged your phone to your chest while staring at Jay's message the night you found out. He made his choice and decided to show himself. 

Good for him. His bespectacled friend's efforts weren't put to waste.

The following Monday morning, your plate was immediately bombarded with council work when you went to the meeting room early to catch up. As the Vice President, there really isn't a single minute to spare. Especially when the new president—Jay's replacement only knows how to parade his title but fails horribly to fulfill his duties. The duties Jay used to manage efficiently during his reign.

The early stress made you yawn while marching through the hallway to make your way through the Principal's office to deliver paperworks for him to sign. When you arrived in front of the office, you were shocked to find a rare sight. Students were making a commotion outside the Principal's office. 

What the hell is going on?

You pushed yourself forward past the students and knocked, earning a muffled "Come in!" from the Principal himself from inside the room. When you twisted the doorknob to step inside, you were once again welcomed by a sight you weren't expecting to see. 

Would you look at that, The Hummingbird crew members all stood affront the Principal and Mr. Nam. You wondered why they're here? Jay hasn't told you anything.

“Sister-in-law! Perfect timing!” Shelly's face lightened up at the sight of your bored face.

Now everyone's attention and eyes were all on you. Your eyes accidentally looked for Vinny the first thing. And there he was, breaking his usual poker-face gaping his mouth and slightly widening his eyes at the surprise of seeing you.

***

screaming in pain and pleasure cz why does vinny have to join snek crew but at the same time i kinda want to see him and joker team up ffff

[hide-in-imagination]

Heeyyy, this is a bit of a strange question haha ​​but how do you think Simon would be during Ambar's labor, the question is very weird but I was curious to know ur opinion :)

Oh, that's not weird at all. Tbh, when I started reading this question I thought it was going to be something like "What kind of porn do you think Simón watches? Do you think he once accidentally opened one of four albino small people going at it and was traumatized forever?"

Now that would be a strange question.

Anyway, going back to your inquiry.

I think he would want to be at her side for as much of the process as he could. He'd be nervous out of his mind but trying to ignore it because he has to be strong for her, I mean, she's the one doing everything really, so he has to be as helpful as he possibly can or the nerves and powerlessness are going to eat him alive.

Ámbar wishes he did a little bit less tbh because he's freaking her out, but she knows he means well.

Now, as the contractions get worse, she might say things like "Oh my god, I fucking hate you, how did I let you convince me to do this!!" but, it's fine, Simón knows she doesn't mean it.

The pushing part, Simón is pretty sure, takes 10 years out of his life. He knows he shouldn't feel like that- HE'S NOT DOING ANYTHING! - but god, that's the love of his life bringing into this world the new love of his life and if anything happens to either of them, he will never recover.

Also, she's totally breaking his hand. He's sure that'll hurt like a bitch once the adrenaline goes down, but in the moment, all that matters is that he's supporting her. He exists only for her, for their baby, and if there is one moment in which he absolutely can't let Ámbar feel alone, is this one.

The craziest thing is, between this storm of emotions, he's so excited!! Sure, he's nervous out of this mind, but they're finally going to meet their baby!! They waited so long for this!! It's finally happening!!

He says these things to Ámbar to motivate her along the way. He tells her she's doing great, that she's perfect, so strong, that he has no doubt she can do this because she can do anything.

And then, after what feels like a lifetime, it's over.

Tiny screams fill the room. Ámbar finally catches a break. Simón can not breathe. Maybe he gave all of his air to those tiny little lungs. He's cool with that.

Ámbar had already cried during the pushing, but once their baby gets placed in her arms, she's crying all over again, this time happy tears.

It takes a moment for it to sink in for Simón. He looks at the tiny human cradled between Ámbar's arms, all red and whimpering and breathing, and he can't quite comprehend this is real. That's their baby. They made it. It was inside Ámbar and now it's not. It's here. It's healthy.

It's only when Ámbar places their baby gently in his own arms and Simón feels it's tiny limbs and moving chest and body temperature that it hits him.

Simón looks at their baby's face and cries.

His eyes are red later when he walks out of the room to tell all their friends and family the good news. They tease him about it but he's so happy he couldn't care less.

---------------------

Alternatively, I think the doctors might advise a c section for Ámbar because of her thin build. In that case, Simón would also try to be as present as possible during the process, only in different ways, and later, many years later, when Ámbar sometimes complains about the scar, Simón tells her that's the part of her he loves the most, because it's a living reminder of the biggest gift she ever gave him.

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

STOP EVERYTHING WDYM SHE USED TO CRUSH ON YANG

OH PLEASE same though if someone disappears I'm planning their funeral

I'M SOBBING I LOVE MY NCTHREE

SEONGHWA SENDING FLOWERS sorry yang i'm team ynsh now

poor yangyang akhdbjfnk

oh ewwwww stalker much?

SUNGHOONNNNNNN

oh my god o h m y g o d

why is he so scared of that's that's very...

oh- oh i'm going to sob team ynyy here we come again

~

OH NO YEONJUN I LOVE YOU BUT KEEP YOUR MOUTH S H U T

oh nvm okay collab

i say yangyang names y/n's contacts thing 1 and thing 2

~

nah if ncthree were on one team you'd have yangyang and y/n arguing with each other about not doing well and then mark literally acing everything and going ":D" while yn and yangyang just stand there staring at him

DEFEATED MALE LEAVES I'M WHEEZING

~

SKEEBALLLLL

YES HE'S LEGALLY ALLOWED TO FLOOR SOMEONE

the unstoppable besties on land but stoppable in the air and ocean

we love a man who is competent and can drive basically anything

~

HELP ME NCTHREE'S BEEN A BAD INFLUENCE TO MARK ADKFJN but yes johnny is daddy material

side note the 🥵 is the first thing that came to mind when i read that akbdfn

JIHYUN BEING THE MOM ADHKBJFN

johnny the daddy of nct 🫡

~

thanks for making me sob my team ynyy heart has been solidified

MANIFEST IT

he's at the ateez dorms i call it

I KNEW IT

yeonjun istg

...oh my that was-

~

okay shaving in your room's a big no-no

the colour combination i-

jeno i- i would be lying if i said i didn't laugh though adkbjfn

OH RIPPPP

"the one they call johnny"

oH

ohohohoh the plot thickens

DEAD LIFTS i literally feel dead after I'm done with them

OH MY GOD XIAO DEJUN

...you've got to be joking delusional fans are the WORST

god forbid jeno stands a bit closer to yn to prevent her from dying

OH WAIT THAT REMINDS ME OF THE SMALL YN'S BROTHERS POSTS AHHHHH

~

NOT THE CURSED POKEMON

no but how do people sexualise someone spotting someone else that's so-

~

HELP I JUST REALISED HOW ONG THIS GOT I'M SO SORRY ADHFJN

wE ARE BACKKKK

Also girl this is Season 1 content except homegirl got over it pretty quickly I mean you would too if you saw the shit she saw him do

LMFAOOOO

THREE IS THE STRONGEST NUMBER

Your rollercoaster of YNSH and YNYY is so fun to read (YNSH is obv up high while YNYY is down low cuz you know those two are going to hell)

From possible man to nobody's man for real

Funny you should say that

SUNGHOON

Lowk I would be too if I, a vaguely fresh idol, was told to hand a paper to an idol with a load of wack-ass rumors going on about her and everyone she was associated with i'd be hella nervous

WE BACK IN HELLLLL

~

Yeonjun will return in S3

We love collab stages!

STOP IT WOULD BE AHAHAHA alternatively Dumb and Dumber

~

Normally Mark has the brain cell but when they're together that brain cell gets confiscated so now all three of them are working off of vibes

HE KNEW HE COULDN'T WIN IT WASN'T EVEN WORTH THE SCREEN TIME

~

I'm such a BOSS at skeeball ngl like undefeated amongst the cousins

All those years of mario kart led up to this

*insert Eren pointing across the sea gif here*

The Kun-cult is a side plot I'm planning rn

~

Doyoung like "I knew I shouldn't have let my son hang out with those ruffians"

ME TOO LMFAO I SHOULD'VE PUT IT MISSED FREAKING OPPORTUNITY

That's MOMMY to you!

Not the job he asked for but the one only he could do

~

Oh now we stuck in hell I can't wait to drop the alternate

Jaemin probably fully knew Mars was at the ATEEZ dorm because he may or may not have been in the same situation Jisung was in before

HE MISSED HIS DAD'S SIDE

Ehehehehehe

~

and y'all wonder why (Y/N) moved on fast

Bro picked it up, smelled it, and put it on

RENJUN REALLY SOLD HIM OUT LMFAOOOOO

The only people Mars actually cares about is ANiMA let's be honest here he literally manipulated Jisung into letting him out

The plot is very thick

Ngl I can't even lift the bar on it's on

He held his hand up for a high five after that but no one noticed so he just clapped his hands together

Poor YN, fame isn't all she thought it was

*YN getting crushed while benching* *Jeno putting his hands up and walking away to avoid the scandal*

YESSSSS Lowk I've been running through them again to make sure everything's in line before S3 comes out

~

WHEN MEG SENT IT I HAD TO ADD IT

people who don't know gym etiquette that's who

~

IT'S OKAY I LOVE IT THANK U ROSE

[leam1983]

The Only War we Shouldn't Care About

You know what time it is. December's a few short weeks away, most stores are starting to freak about Christmas, I've already covered my shopping for Walt and Sarah - all that's left is for the seasonal classics to settle in. There's just one classic I don't want to deal with.

Up here in Montreal, the War on Christmas is this absurd Conservative bugaboo we look at derisively, as we tend to wish one another Happy Holidays. Legally, whether you celebrate or not, no matter if you're Jewish, Muslim, Sikh or Buddhist, you'll get a certain amount of time off from your employer, between mid-December and early January. That's all it is to us - time off. If you don't celebrate, your only recourse is to not decorate and, well, maybe show an ounce of patience for TV networks who won't have gotten the message. They obviously won't have; the Western-dominant culture practically demands its yearly re-appropriation of Pagan elements like the effective transformation of a tree into what's effectively a votive symbol, even if you do it from an Atheist perspective. We ask of the right to cling to memories of the last Season of Plenty, as that's what our ornaments are - the brief presentation of an evergreen tree into the affected appearance of a fruit-bearing tree - and I can definitely see how that can be overbearing.

Add to that the more overtly religious aspects - what actually gets the Kirk Camerons of this world crowing about persecution in the most laughable way imaginable; and it's easy to get the sense that for several people, Christmas Season can be, well, too much.

It explains the seasonal blues, the way some workplaces cut the Gordian knot and simply ban seasonal decorations altogether or the way others default to a neutral "Happy Holidays", up here. It's fair of some people to expect the legally-provided time off with no further requirements.

The thing is, some of my remote colleagues are very Christian. Not in the sense you might be familiar with if you're American; they're still a lot more into tolerance and general goodwill than what you might consider the norm for these types - and for them, Christmas isn't quite religious enough, as strange as it might seem. They're not pushing it into Cromwellian excess, but they do get the sense that this is a holiday meant to celebrate renewed hope, spiritually speaking - and I've seen Nicole's WFH office setup start to feature both a Santa Claus figure and a small Nativity diorama. Nicole is the sweetest Compliance Officer you'll ever meet, she's technically retired from the industry but joined us to round out her pension - and she's a hardcore believer, coming from first-generation Sicilian immigrants to Canada.

On the one hand, she's a "good" Theist, in that she isn't overbearing in her spirituality, the same way we avoid discussion topics like war and politics in our workplace-focused Slack channels. On the other, when she says "God bless you", she means it. It's always a bit of a shock, when you're used to everyone and their mother tossing that offhandedly. It makes the less tolerant Theists - usually Evangelicals - that we'll run into while shopping around town, sort of stand out like a sore thumb.

I try and conflate Christmas Season, considering all this, into a time where all of us are allowed to be openly spiritual in the broadest sense possible. If you don't practice anything and are a hardlining Atheist, you could say it's a great time for self-reflection and for preparation. It's a great time to focus on the more holistic aspects of existence, as even Skeptics like me could agree that meeting people can be good for the soul. Putting more time down at the soup kitchen isn't a question of racking up more Redemption Points or whatever, it's about meeting people at a time where my potential assistance will be most useful. Nights are getting cold, warm meals are starting to require some investment of time and resources, and if you have no warm place and no kitchen to work in, you're not going to get that. That's pretty much the extent of my spirituality. Unsurprisingly, it's gotten surprised looks out of some colleagues during our Zoom meetings.

"You're not worried? I mean, you lost people, haven't you? Don't you think you have a soul?"

The fact is I just don't know. Considering, why bother imposing my beliefs on anyone else? Why bother trying to pay lip service to anyone else's belief or lack thereof? We'll decorate the condo because Walt and Sarah love that stuff, but I've been the exact time to forget to pull out the boxes of decorations until December 20th. It'll look pretty for a week or two, then we'll pack it all back in - same as Halloween.

Maybe there is an afterlife, but it's not worth any respect if my accession to it depends on my putting the right little Caucasian Porcelain Baby in my Nativity scene made up of equally whitewashed characters in someone else's distorted story of Middle-Eastern displacement.

So, maybe consider putting your chips down on all the other seasonal symbols, instead: the clean smell of the first few snowfalls, the way cold air always feels cleaner than anything hanging in summertime urban haze, the taste of a good cup of hot cocoa after some exposure to the elements, the return of Sweater Weather, the way the season's blithe consumerism always intersects with your younger relatives getting "the best Christmas ever" every single year as their eyes light up at the sight of the One Thing They Wanted - or the way it all translates to base thoughtfulness between adults.

Kindness. Brotherly love. Friendship. The giving of oneself, really. Things anyone of any culture or religious background could agree on.

That, to me, seems essential. Far, far more than anything related to Christianity.

[rynnaaurelius]

Hi! I went scrolling though your tumblr and stumbled upon one of your previous asks where you mentioned a carter-and-sadie-get-thrown-back-in-time au. I’d love to hear more of that!

Oh hell yeah let's do this. Mind, this AU is The Absolute Most at all times.

-Okay, so, first off, extremely obvious place for this to happen is at the end of The Serpent's Shadow, when they fail to banish Apophis for whatever reason during the final battle. This is a fun place, sure, but I think it's A, better for character development, and B, funnier, if they both bite it while in the Land of Demons with Zia and Setne. Let's say they both wind up in the Sea of Chaos, win the lottery spin of various universal outcomes, and boom. Time travel.

-This is totally how magic works. Uh-huh.

-Carter has a fucking aneurysm That's Not How The Force Works-style over this, trying to figure out what the fuck happened. It's great.

-Seriously, the PJO time travel thing is fun because Percy angsts and things go wrong and he tries to do everything Alone. The Kane Chronicles one is fun because Carter and Sadie have negative respect for authority, neither of them have any issue with throwing someone through a window to save time, and they both know about a dozen different ways to get it done.

-Oh yeah, speaking of throwing! They both wake up with massive headaches right after Julius explodes the Rosetta Stone. Carter stabs a bitch (Set) with a magic sword, then passes out because ~head trauma~.

-Also, bear in mind that these kids are fourteen and twelve and the House of Life just went to six years' worth of trouble to try and keep them as much out of the know as possible. And then they show up, kicking ass and taking godly names and knowing things that they really shouldn't, like they've been at this for years.

-Desjardins needs a drink. Or possibly six.

-Something something butterfly effect something something chaos. Anyway, things here are largely Their Past But Two Inches To The Right. Sometimes things change that are small but explainable, things that are big and inexplicable, and some are medium-sized and only resolved after an offhand comment from Zia a decade from now. The biggest thing here is Carter and Sadie struggling to manage everything.

-See, the fun thing in TKC is a lot of the big decisions? You can't just speedrun that shit! Re-opening the path of the gods is dangerous and takes time. Zia won't be in a spot where she's willing and/or able to take on Ra for years. Sadie can't just walk up to Walt and say that he should just merge with a god to fix all his problems when he's barely come to terms with Tut's curse.

-Fuck, they can't even go to the Duat and start shit with Apophis because. . .well, first off, they need to go and get the shadow, which they didn't even quite manage last time, because Setne and Land of the fucking Demons. Second off, no matter how powerful they are, starting shit with Apophis with an extra plan or two is pretty suicidal. Also! There are a lot of magicians who want to kill them! They need to be careful!

-Half of the gods are extremely freaked because Carter and Sadie's minds are Not Right and getting Horus and Isis to play ball is a chore, since they need that agreement do things like the combat avatar or casting really complicated spells, even if they have two-ish years of experience under their belts.

-This does not, to be clear, stop them from trying to speedrun The Red Pyramid, or this being their exact attitude towards their resident gods-in-the-head:

[Picture ID: GIF of a Black man pointing two fingers at his eyes, staring at someone off-screen with a serious expression, and saying, "Look at me. . .look at me. I'm the captain now." End ID]

-Since. . .well, uh, look. Carter and Sadie are incredibly hyper-competent. But they're also incredibly freaked teenagers who haven't had serious adult supervision in. . .a while. They also the ability to warp reality, and have the respective jobs of: Future king of the universe and his sister, saving the world from the snake who wants to eat the sun, and re-opening an really dangerous path of magic that the Reigning Magic Organization has said they'll kill for doing.

-Also, all their friends no longer have a fucking clue who they are. Carter already did this song and dance with Zia, too, which is. . .huh. Fascinating neuroses forming there.

-The Kane siblings are very fun here, because Sadie is Very Loudly Not Fine about very mundane changes, but not saying a peep about the things that are actually fucking her up until someone taps her on the shoulder at the wrong moment when she's gone vacant-eyed at the sight of her gran and she flinches like she got punched in the jaw, while Carter is Insistently Just Fine until Jaz says hi to him one morning and he starts sobbing.

-Bast doesn't count as supervision either, because she's a cat god. Bast wants to shake them by the scruffs of their neck until they start acting their own ages or she gets a satisfactory explanation for what's taken residence in their heads. Their magical auras are wrong.

-About the only fun part of dealing with the gods is when Sadie sucker-punches Serqet and goes What, Like It's Hard?, Legally Blonde-style, to a very confused and unnerved Zia. This move is not something she can make a pattern of, to be clear. But it feels good and she can do it now, so she does.

-I have no idea if Amos is definitely still possessed here by Set, for the angsty comedy of Carter and Sadie repeatedly knocking him out and dragging him around until they have time to Deal With That, or if it's ambiguous and possibly actually in someone else? And they have to go Holmes and Watson on the case.

(Of course, they may have different gods themselves altogether, and goddammit, I need to stop coming up with AUs)

-Like, yeah, sure, they know Set is the problem, their dad is probably fine, but they have to explain this in such a way that people don't think they're possessed! This is a very valid concern and leads to worries that they're terrorizing their younger selves by stealing their bodies or something.

(they're not. but it's a Recurring Thing that people think that they've possessed Younger Carter And Sadie)

-Anyway, they still get dragged to the First Nome, because Julius broke half a dozen rules of magician-ing, these kids are acting. . .like they've been possessed by Horus and Isis, to be honest.

-Carter tries to warn Zia about the being-possesed-by-a-god thing before Iskandar tries to save her life and inadvertently consign her to Watery Nightmare Coma Hell, to convince her to come with them, and thinking honesty may be the best policy--Zia's pretty morally upright, and more than trustworthy and willing to trust the Kanes, after all.

-This does not go as Carter planned.

-Sadie, remembering Iskandar fucking dies and not wanting to deal with the complicated and short reign of Desjardins as Chief Lector (or the whole guilt thing about him dying and just. . .complicated. Inconvenient. Just make sure it never happens!) by giving him a boost in the health department and extending his life.

-This does not go as Sadie planned.

-Oh, and neither of them know how to convince Nephthys to play ball since neither of them know Set's name, so even though they know how to defeat him, short out of an out-and-out brawl that there's no guarantee they can win, they need to get that! And Anubis is super suspicious and not into getting bullied by Isis into giving them a Feather of Truth!

-On the bright side, they decide to pull the Carter Will One Day Be Pharaoh Card and convince Sobek to be, like, marginally useful as the pharaoh's enforcer after Sadie dropkicked Serqet into next week.

-Meanwhile, Iskandar is alive, but reluctantly all They Should Probably Be Brought In And Restrained At Minimum. Zia is contemplative and ends up pursuing Carter and Sadie on her own after her powers start going sideways and Iskandar nearly does knock her out.

-So now Zia's a fugitive. Sort of. Iskandar really doesn't want to do it, but Desjardins is doing the Godlings Must Die thing, and a lot of the First Nome is on his side.

(He lightens up after the Kane siblings + Zia manage to save the world and certain things about Sadie and Iskandar's health come to life. Marginally)

-Anyway, things are chaotic, sort of working out for the better, but Carter and Sadie are about fifteen times more traumatized than they were last time.

-Also, Jaz is canonically from Nashville, so I say that when they decide to drop by Thoth's place to try and get an idea of What The Fuck happened, they find her and she joins their ridiculous quest to Save The World: Electric Boogaloo, because Highly Enthusiastic Southern Cheerleader Who Just Found Out She Can Commit Arson With Her Mind is a brilliant person to have along.

-I think the last big thing I have from this, beyond everything going so sideways (The House of Life is, like, ninety percent sure that Carter and Sadie are possessed, but can't do much about it at the moment beyond periodically trying to kill them) is the whole power thing.

-The urge to basically blast their way through everyone until they agree with what's up is strong, guys. Also, the urge to drag Setne out of the Underworld just to beat him up for a bit. Lots of power struggles and reminding themselves not to commit too many war crimes in the face of an oncoming apocalypse where they have no idea what their best plan is, and also, half the people they could trust off the bat this time? Don't trust 'em this time.

-Oh yeah, and for a while, Amos and Julius/Osiris aren't unconvinced that this isn't some sort of power play by Horus and Isis to leverage things in their favor, so. . .. Sad times. :(

-I am a big fan of "Time travel doesn't necessarily fix everything", but this trilogy is just so fucking chaotic, and so many of the biggest parts rely on character growth, and you can't force that! No matter how much you may get frustrated and want to, if you're Sadie and/or Carter.

[stayatsam]

What are some ways you handled the more problematic elements of Curse of Strahd?

sooooo much rewriting honestly. i retconned a broad portion of van richten's character alongside adding more depth to the vistani.

i'm actually going to put this under a cut because there's so much problematic content i had to alter: Vistani, Van Richten, and the Dusk Elves are the big big ones I can think of at the top of my head. i really truly believe you can have a horror game without the original writing (a large amount of angry redditors argue against this)

EVREN, SINK, ZLATKA, AND GRIGORI do NOT open this up or your character will take 10d10 psychic damage (i joke, maybe)

Vistani

with the Vistani i really wanted to emphasize that although they are allied with Strahd, they do have story-points and traits that shouldn't make them seem like extremists like Rahadin.

Strahd's ruled Barovia for over 400 years, and for those 400 years he's given the Vistani special treatment. since the Vistani are human, 400 years is a real long time for them to develop a unique relationship with Strahd and their ability to enter/leave Barovia at will. doing what Strahd asks just kind of becomes a thing you do, your parents did it, their parents did it, their parents did it, etc.

The Vistani aren't going around terrorizing the Barovian towns because even though they're a distinct group from the Barovians that are allied with the enemy, they have to share the same valley. The Vistani need to get their grain and some local livestock likely from the Barovians, who in turn value the outside goods the Vistani bring in. To an extent, theres a culture of understanding between them. Fighting each other endlessly over the rule of a vampire lord who will likely never be defeated would just waste everyone's energy.

Also, something the book barely touches upon but I stressed soooo much is the Vistani's sense of welcoming outsiders into their community. Madame Eva's camp immediately welcomes the party with wine and food without ulterior motives (unless you'd like them to do that!), they offer some information. But most importantly, they saved the Dusk Elves. The permanent Vistani camp outside Vallaki is also the home of the small community of elves still present in Barovia, who were saved by the Vistani after Rahadin decimated their culture.

This tradition of welcoming people with nothing else actually extends back hundreds of years and is the reason they're free to roam as they please in the first place. They saved Strahd's life when he was still human. But since they do still serve Strahd, some more zealously than others, it's still possible for there to be an aura of distrust, spying, theft (scrying materials), etc occurring between the Vistani and the players.

Van Richten

Oh god, where to begin. VR in my game might as well be a completely different character than what they gave us.

I scrapped the tiger. I couldn't figure out a way to have his sabertooth tiger that only eats Vistani even remotely exist in the game. my players and i all come from marginalized groups so the idea of someone training a tiger to specifically eat people of a certain ethnic group was just horrid. I remember being a player in CoS with Van Richten as our fated ally. when we learned about the tiger we ditched him and the tiger, leaving us severely disadvantaged. to prevent the party possibly abandoning a powerful ally altogether, i made him a disgruntled, hardened hunter

I do however, really like sabertooth tigers. If you want to keep a tiger-related theme with VR, my Ezmerelda is actually a weretiger :).

Rumors of the legendary monster hunter Van Richten defeating evil with a tiger companion is actually his protege and adopted daughter.

when it comes to the original idea of VR being a like, genocidal freak i just couldn't find a way to put that in. curse of strahd reddit calls me a loser for not wanting to do that but i didn't want to create an atmosphere of discomfort with my players, since it's a touchy subject for the group personally.

i did however, use the book's original depiction of VR as a sort of way for Strahd to ask the party to hunt him down as a mission; describing him as a dangerous and cold-hearted old man that could hurt the good people of Barovia. did Van Richten really come to free Barovia, or does he want to take the throne for himself? Who actually is he.

Dusk Elves

I found the idea of there only being male dusk elves to be limiting to narrative, player autonomy, and all around clearly written by edgy guys wanting to write bad violence for shock value.

Rather than Rahadin kill just the dusk elf women, it was instead elves above a certain age, which would leave just the young elves who would barely (if at all) remember a Barovia with sunlight.

I wanted my Strahd to have cultivated a Barovia where no living creature (save the Vistani) could imagine a world without him, leaving them dependent on him. The revenants are an unfortunate exception to this to Strahd, since he's unable to destroy them himself. They're just so isolationist and have ulterior motives they're not going to go running around Barovia raising a revolution because they've seen Barovia without Strahd.

The dusk elves are also a great opportunity to show cooperation between the Vistani and another group of people. they're comfortable with each other. I have a player playing a dusk elf who grew up with the Vistani, and has played with, eaten with them, attended weddings and funerals, etc.

[imaginary-wanderer]

Can't wait to move out of this apartment. Not only the insulation lets all the noises through but also all the odors. I live above a phone shop, so it shouldn't smell like cigarette, right? Wrong. It stinks in my place because it's a bunch of guys and I'm sure they're smoking inside (which shouldn't be possible if they had a fire alarm like they should).

Also next door is a small food joint. NEXT DOOR. So why all the food odors are coming in my place from any opening like under/in the kitchen sink, in the freaking bathroom, and even in my bedroom...FROM THE FLOOR. They also cook in the middle of the night. So. Yeah. Nice.

And it's a very expensive place for what it is but I moved here when the real estate market was in pure fire (didn't have the choice since I started a job).

The only positive thing I'm asking for this year is finding a nice place to move in. Please.

[bookwyrminspiration]

That does make sense that you'd try to find a balance, unfortunately I do not think they're bird enough /pos /hj

Maruca as a starling? Idk what that is lemme go look for characteristics of a starling

Ok so Maruca would be like,,,,, the opposite of Dex. She would be social with light squabbling but would have no personal space awareness because she is very social and roosts and nests in groups with other birds. Also!! Nightly acrobatics!! Everyone is just trying to sleep but Maruca is flying around and diving and flipping from building to building before she tires herself out and Plops down but then Dex comes out once he's alone and starts doing his own thing and flies around the place doing various activities and grabbing different things. Maruca is no longer really able to sleep on her own so she just fucks off to Wylie's room and vocalise noises for a bit because that's what starlings do. Ok wait I can just imagine her nesting herself under a desk or something because it's the most similar to what Starlings roost in, same with Dex.

Maruca would also be super protective and aggressive over her food and would huddle over it as she ate

Ooo! Owl Dex! I'm gonna have to do some more research but luckily owls are still terratorial but they do a weird thing with their wings where they hunker down their heads and spread out their wings and make their eyes as wide as possible so now I can just imagine Dex crouching down in a short T pose and fluffing out his mechanical wings and clicking at Fitz when he goes into his space unexpectedly. A lack of physical wings does not mean he had to be devoid of the behaviours!! /pos

Dex would spend all night being up grabbing food and making things and such and really only leaving his "roost" (house) at dusk and dawn and collapsing onto his bed and sleeping the entire day away. He should also be able to tilt and turn his head in really unnatural positions and freak everyone else out with it. Like, nearly 270° of turning instead of nearly 90°. Dex should also have super duper sensitive hearing, like he points out small sounds that are literally unhearable for everyone else, like how Fitz can see so much more than everyone else. He should also be eerily quiet when moving around, like he just seemingly appears in places he shouldn't. Like, to the point of jokes about him teleporting, and giving everyone heart attacks. The only person who isn't freaked out by this is Fitz because he Sees Everything from his perch and rarely strays from it unless he's hungry. Fitz and Dex should also get odd cravings for meat, as they are both predators /hj

Oh I am so happy to be on the same wavelength on you, it is a truly glorious day. Fitz needs to preen and make little noises as he perches and watches everyone beneath him. He should spend most of his time on top of his two Story house with all his work as he tries to figure it out and Glares at everyone who comes up to him without asking before schooling his expression down and apologising

Keefe is just suddenly very wise and ominous and cryptic without realising it and it starts seeping into his jokes and honestly creeps Sophie out without meaning too, like he's over here talking about how all his friends are turning into birds and she's just like "Haha. Yeah." as if Keefe isn't turning into and acting like something else entirely

Omg Dex trying to knock on a door but closing it to knock properly instead of just walking in my beloved 😭

Sophie is so confused about it but Dex is just standing there in *Owl noises* as he's dead on his legs trying to talk because he has severe insomnia during the night but doesn't wsnt to sleep during the day

Dex and Fitz know that the only true problem is how they're in each other's spaces without permission and how it's pissing each other off and they start arguing and wrestling and and Keefe is trying to break them up without success

As she should she should be one of the bird boys now. Maruca Grins as she walks into Fitz's and Dex's spaces with reckless abandon

Also Fitz should just. Be constantly grooming himself. Like, if his hands are free then he's combing his hair and preening his wings and constantly looking in his reflection to make sure he looks presentable and ends up going to the forbidden cities to get make up to cover any "blemishes" so that he can always look beautiful and regal like the Eagle he is and everyone just groans when they're trying to go somewhere but he's stuck looking at his reflection and adjusting his hair and tilting his head every which way to check for flaws and has to be dragged away by Biana while he complains and struggles and tries to get one last look in

You know what Nonsie? that's entirely fair. There may be a reason for that for a certain someone (perhaps...perhaps not...) but as a whole I have neglected to give The Bird Boys enough bird traits. The more bird the better!

(response got long so! cut!)

You know...Maruca has technically never been seen sleeping in her own house in the au, I'm just saying. I mean we know she has a house, but we've never seen her sleeping there. Perhaps she has been nesting with everyone else and just hasn't gotten to Sophie yet (Sophie was having some struggles for a while). I'm not saying that's what's happening...but also...

Also when you said nightly acrobatics I was just thinking of all her little excursions to drive away monsters around the village. Everyone's asleep and she's like welp gotta go fight this thing because it's trying to come into my territory and get at my friends. Square up.

As for her and Dex roosting under desks, honestly I can see that. Just tucking away into the little places they find. Speaking of them and sleeping--fun fact, Dex sleeping in strange and uncomfortable looking positions is actually because my own cousin is like that. Sophie wakes up and sees her cousin practically falling off a couch because a few years ago when my cousin was visiting I walked into the living room one morning (to get to the door to walk the dog) and he was in the same position I described Dex as being in. He sleeps in the weirdest ways I swear.

owl Dex my beloved, so sorry I had you go through so much to get to where you are but you're here now! The mental image of him just t-posing at Fitz for getting too close is incredible, I love it. Perhaps I could use this as an excuse to reignite the weird rivalry thing they had going on between them, but this time they're both extremely confused the whole time like "why are we like this we're friends??" while everyone else looks on. Also you're exactly right! Him being devoid of the physical wings does not make him devoid of the characteristics! That's part of why I made him nocturnal, but I don't think I chose another owl trait/behavior to give him originally and just went "i'll figure that out as I go!" and then never did, so I could definitely sprinkle in some more.

You've actually nailed his sleep schedule--at least the one his body wants. He has a bad habit of staying away through the days as well and just grabbing naps when he can because everything happens during the day. Almost everyone else isn't nocturnal after all. With the head turning thing, I legitimately considered giving him that trait in the au, but decided against it because in order to explain it I'd have to restructure his bones, and that would have many more effects and implications than I was intending just for the turning head thing. It's still a fun concept though, even though I didn't do it!

Dex moving around so quietly he startles everyone is just me. That's just. That's just how I move this is amusing. I've genuinely lost track of how many times i've startled my mom or my dad and sister have turned around just to find me suddenly there when I've made no effort to hide my approach. I'm just quiet. Guess it's time to project that on Dex! But I do like the detail that Fitz would notice, he do be doing a lot of staring at things. He's just. He Sees. Keefe also sees, just in a different way.

Fitz preening and watching "everyone beneath him." Does that mean like...physically beneath him? Like he's on a high perch and looking down on everyone? Or like everyone beneath him in status because he's the best because he's the king bird? Though I have seen that title given to wrens before. Either way he's just in a silly goofy mood! He's gotta make sure all his feathers are doing the feather thing correctly and that everyone knows how cool he is. He's just up on the roof making notes in their monster book all aloof but also he loves his friends and feels bad for glaring and reacting negatively based on instinct.

Keefe being wise and ominous and cryptic is like the ultimate goal. I tried to achieve some of that in a few scenes where he says a thing and people are like...how do you know that and he just brushes it off like haha i'll never reveal my secrets...0_0. But also he tries to deal with as much as he can with jokes so many potentially ominous moments are undercut by him being so jokey. The being is ominous and wise and cryptic and Keefe's monster is the being, so perhaps the more time they spend together the more Keefe will be like that...in that case the next chapter will be very useful...

loving the exchange of Keefe going "all my friends are turning into birds :(" while also becoming part eldritch horror as if that's not even more concerning

listen! you gotta respect the sanctity of the doors! do you know what happened the last time someone burst through a door without knocking? Sophie walked in on Dex shirtless! Dex has to be better than her and learn from her mistakes! And also lovingly rub it in her face how much more consider he is of her space than she is of his!

I think Sophie infected Dex with her insomnia because she's been sleeping better (read: sleeping at all) and he's just constantly white knuckling it through the day like this is fine (lie). He's gonna start crashing more and more at this rate if he doesn't embrace the bird life.

Honestly though I don't know if Keefe would try to break up a fight between the two of them, I'm half convinced he'd be cheering them on from the sidelines and others would have to break them up. I'm thinking Maruca would be very good at that. Just lock them both in little forcefields so they can't fight. She puts them in time out. It's her right as one of the Bird Boys to get in the way

Fitz as Narcissus is not what I was expecting out of this ask but you know what? I love it. He's gotta make sure everything looks nice and is sitting right! He's pretty! He's gotta look at himself! how could you not look at him, have you seen him? Also if we're going with the make up thing he should get some eye shadow and eyeliner. Perhaps because I love eyeliner but also because I think Fitz would look so so good in eyeliner.

Anyway my point is that you have excellent ideas nonsie and you have inspired me to look into more of the bird things for extra details! I've been focusing more on plot outside of the wings (the first arc is learning who they are after getting the wings, the second is fighting Phoenix/the Neverseen), but that's no excuse to neglect the bird boys!

[coffee---bean]

the script

ok so i collected 18 quotes from the bible a few weeks ago. by coincidence, 3 minutes (the required length) is 180 seconds. i think each quote will come on screen and then be complimented with a small animation, which sounds like about 10 seconds.

so! that's the plan. animate the words coming to life, animate a little gif-thing, and add audio to either channel to go along. i'm really really familiar with fucking around with audio, i don't think it'll be too hard for me to make that.

but the words! i decided to try rearrange my quotes into some kind of order that makes sense. the quotes i chose were basically random - i just picked the things i thought were funny or painted jesus in a light that felt different to his usual portrayal - anything that made him seem socially divergent or vain or unable to control his tone. stuff that isn't necessarily glamorous or charming, but very human and reminds me of myself.

yeah! so, the order ended up being a kind of odd step-by-step process. i like "who touched me?" as an opening line cos it's weirdly funny and sudden, it's uncomfortable. i feel like having the box over your head and then being hit with that will feel really invasive but also sort of funny. like, a tense kind of funny.

the quotes after that kind of go between a sort of freaked-out PTSD reaction to someone else, and massive self-aggrandizement or attacking others. the character portrayed is very vulnerable emotionally and lashes out at others ("why were u looking for me?"), the people around them. the character kind of turns their pain into attacks against others and more broadly the entire world ("this generation is an evil generation"). this attack turns them into a kind of preacher figure who is attempting to 'change the world' so they don't have to feel pain or process things anymore, so they're still a total mess emotionally ("behold a sower went out to sow" -> "WHO TOUCHED MY GARMENTS").

the character becomes totally solipsistic - they're the leader of some kind of movement (possibly in their own head) but they still perceive themselves as completely alone and uncared for. finally they define the gift they offer their followers -- "behold! i have given you authority to tread on scorpions." the leader permits violence, lets it loose, gives it justification, dehumanizes the enemy. but also, treading on scorpions is dangerous. it's kind of self-harm. you shouldn't do it. also, why the hell would you do that? scorpions are fine, they're just trying to live. to me, that statement reveals that this leader is basically encouraging their followers to move towards death, to lose hope. to stop being kind, to instead die in a holy war. emotionally i believe the leader is going through a holy war themselves, cutting out the human inside them to avoid pain. it's like a contradictory wanting to self-destruct thing. the suicidal urges underneath the ego are barely below the surface, disguised as conviction.

and then it ends with "follow me and i'll make you fishers of men". i just thought that was cool cos like, by coincidence the box dropping on the head is sort of a "catching a fish" visual, and jesus is kind of fish-coded in culture. also the vibe of this statement is just so pyramid scheme-y. and i like how the story began with someone who is vulnerable being like "don't touch me" and ending with them encouraging their followers to basically capture other humans. it's weird.

anyway! i wasn't really expecting to like, dramatise kanye's fall from grace or remake star wars: revenge of the sith with these quotes. i only quoted them because they were funny or odd, but just through the process of picking what should go next, one by one, i made (?) this little narrative about radicalisation or ,,, something. i don't really know how to sum it up in one word. i think it'll be dramatic though!

[roman-cates]

"There's… two things, mainly, actually… I want to avoid hurting anybody… I-I know I'm not… no-not very strong, but I'm afraid that if I start to panic again that I might… might lash out violently and… I just… don't want to hurt anyone… not even a little bit."

Bryce nods. He understands the fear, but that's not really something he's worried about. Hopefully he can bring Roman around on this point.

Roman takes a breath and continues. "And… second… I'm… I want to avoid calling the surgery off…" His tone gets quieter at the end, almost tapering off completely. "I-I… I'm sca-scared that if… when I start to panic, that I'll try to say I don't want to go through with it… I do want to, though. No matter what I say if I start freaking out… I… o-one of the hardest— no— something that was hard with the CT scan was that I was afraid to say I wanted to go home because I was scared you would actually take me home. And… I really just needed to be able to say that I was feeling that way without actually being taken home. Does… does that make any sense..?"

"Yeah," Bryce breathes out. "Yeah, that makes sense. I can— I promise not to take you home, even if you beg." He searches Roman's eyes, trying to see if that helps at all. "But…You might have to tell the staff that, too." He rushes on: "I would do for you, if I could, but they're going to want to hear it from you. And— As for hurting anyone— I will be there every moment I can, and I won't let you hurt anyone." Roman looks reassured, but… "If you do manage to hurt someone, I'll find a way to make it right."

He pauses, swallowing. He shouldn't bring up the possibility of restraints once Roman's out, right? No, he decides, If Roman hurts someone, I'll handle it. There might be something worth letting Roman be tied down, but at the moment, the only thing he can think of that would make him consider it would be defeating someone like Phillip. And even for that, he's not sure.

"What else can I do?"

"Yeah," Bryce breathes out. "Yeah, that makes sense. I can— I promise not to take you home, even if you beg." Bryce searches Roman's eyes, as if trying to see if that helps at all. It does, but... that doesn't really seem fair to Bryce, either...

"But…You might have to tell the staff that, too." Bryce rushes on, "I would do it for you, if I could, but they're going to want to hear it from you."

That's fine... Roman can do that. And he doesn't feel nearly as guilty about making the hospital staff listen to him beg to go home.

"And— As for hurting anyone— I will be there every moment I can, and I won't let you hurt anyone."

That's incredibly reassuring. He knows that Bryce won't let him hurt anyone. It really just feels encouraging to hear him say it.

"If you do manage to hurt someone, I'll find a way to make it right."

Oh... that's... less reassuring. If he hurts someone... well... money can probably sweep it under the rug. Nothing can make it right, though...

"What else can I do?"

"I can't think of anything else..." Roman gives a small smile. "I'll tell you if I think of something else, though, okay..?"

[the-firebird69]

This car is very hot and very fast and yes I'm her side so don't try and claim both . Out of the box with a standard motor because 700 mph I've created it's like 1200 it's way too fast it's really fast it's a small supercar it's got about 800 horsepower and it's too light. But we're going to build them and very soon well we're starting up because the other companies have 5 million each it's pretty poor but it's a small island we're about 10 trillion chassis and we're going to start making them with the enclosure roll cage and carbon fiber shell that's what you call it. And there's a lot of people in this business that shouldn't be in it and they're forcing people to say the wrong thing they're idiots. We hv a lot of orders in already it's a Honda and too many and you're not producing any. The other kit cars are built as kids and sold as kits they're not saying they're Honda and it's because of Japan you can get arrested we are going to head and building these now and putting them together and getting production going and everyone will demand a car a regular Toyota and he says that the cars can become more a little more sporty and we're going to do that too. Although this isn't stealth people all want to have some sort of ability to get out of there and this car is fast and the other cars will be too. We are starting production and people are very interested it's going to start up production of other vehicles very fast you see it take off in the USA and we're going to start doing it here now and it will take off everywhere as it did before I know things that we're not tracing a thing

The other god and goddess of Japan Hera's side

And we're a little sick for talking about Harry's and abdows and it's gross the hell were those places

Yeah those places are gross so what's going on this whole thing is gross it's like tuna fish chicken casserole like Grandpa made that was disgusting thing I've ever eaten I don't want you back here you f**

Billium

That was freaking gross I don't even know what that was so gross

But this is very nice these cars are made with quality in Japan they last and last and last and that's what you need is dependability and quality and they're not going to put all that stupid stuff in that the idiots did

Zues Hera

It's true too we're talking about this because we're not going to add in ridiculous fuses and strange computers and things that shut it off or any type of computing it's a waste of damn time navigation possibly but not all this other crap and it's a much simpler system with a lot less wires

God and goddess of Japan Honda

[wallabywannabe]

The only thing hugely different this week was my annual GYN visit. Which doesn't sound like much, but this year I was due for my pap smear, which I have been dreading for the past 3 years since my last one.

They're really painful for me. Don't know why. There's no medical reason for it. No history of trauma. It's not the MOST painful thing I've ever experienced, but somehow it's the scariest. Kidney stones are the most painful, but I recognize that feeling and it's a blinding kind of pain that leaves no room for other emotions. Pain from a speculum, though, feels very wrong, and there's plenty of mental capacity for panic.

I'm so ashamed of that, too, which is another big emotion that comes with it. I'm very pro modern, researched-backed medicine, which is why I think preventative procedures like pap smears are so very important. My dad's a freaking gynecologist, for crying out loud. I should be more comfortable with this stuff than anyone! But I'm not and I feel like a huge hypocrite.

So all that's going through my mind, and then this summer, I did an outpatient hospitalization program for mental health where I got a lot of practice FEELING my anxiety instead of ignoring it, which is something I hadn't realized I was doing. Previously I'd actually gotten very good at pushing anxiety very deep, which was useful for pushing through the day, but I think doing that EVERY day is exhausting to the point where I'd just completely collapse every few months. Anyway, I'm digressing a bit.

So it's been a few months since that program, and I have fallen back into old habits a bit, but I think the pap smear anxiety was too intense to ignore like normal. I do manage to mostly ignore it until I'm in the exam room and I'm...waiting.

I'm waiting and waiting, and I start to feel it all bubbling up in my chest. I distract myself by reading all the flyers in the room. I try to memorize the anatomy posters on the walls. I do deep breathing. I do wall squats and jumping jacks. I pace. I sit down. I examine the patterns on my gown. I look up french poetry and recite it out loud. And in between trying all of these strategies, I feel the anxiety rising up again and I fight back the urge to burst into tears.

Finally the exam happens, I tell the doctor I'm nervous, and she's really great. She tries to distract me with small talk, but when the pain starts I'm having a full blown anxiety attack and instead she has me count outloud to 30. She's done by the time I reach 15. She explains to me exactly how my cervix is shaped and what she was doing at each point when I started to feel pain, which helps demystify some of it.

I'm a bit embarrassed but mostly kind of frustrated with myself. This is the biggest physical reaction I've had to a pelvic exam before. Shouldn't I have gotten better over time, not worse?

But with a few day's distance, I'm starting to think it really was me being more in touch with myself emotionally than I have been in the past. The tears and hyperventilating are awkward side effects for me and it would be more convenient if I could have emotional breakthroughs that were slightly less obvious, but that's clearly not how I am.

I was wondering if I'd regressed emotionally, but after that happened, and then a few days later I feel like THIS? Normal, doing normal every day things without it being difficult? That must be progress. Even if it only lasts for 1 day, it's still progress. And it means changes for the better are possible.

[ghostlycroissantpainterdrea-blog]

Someone slipped me a Mickey in my drink on Saturday night.

I woke up early, freaking the absolute fuck out. I was scared, and home, and had no idea how I got there.

The last thing I remembered from the night, was I took a second sip of watered down fireball, and thinking to myself... "I'm way too trashed for this much to drink" and that's all I remember.

My period panty bag, went missing out of my purse. Someone just tried to take out 3K out of my bank account via PayPal.

According to my friend who made sure I was safe all night. I was begging for water, and he could tell that I was really scared, but trying to play it off, as having a great time.

He knew, I was trying really hard to sober up, and stay safe, because he kept hearing me talk about really dark stuff, and requesting refills of water. I was directly behind him, as he was working on the lights. He said he'd turn around every 15 minutes or so, and I'd be talking to someone about dark shit.

He said he could tell, I was trying to stay safe, but he knew that I subconsciously knew that I wouldn't be able to fight them. He said "I think you knew you were drugged, and I think you felt scared. Because, you kept telling them stuff, that was really dark, and I think you knew that if you didn't go there, they would take you, and possibly kill you."

Talking about Thalidomide Babies, and the origin of Fanta, and Nazis, was what saved me. My friend turned around and some guy, had his hand on my left arm, in a forceful way. I have a really nice finger print bruise, and my friend said I was trying really hard to hit the pressure point on their hand, to get away, but couldn't resist. And I was still trying to run my mouth.

I think had he not jumped down from the above the bar, ready to go, I would have been murdered.

He said he said to me "Hey, Babe! I'm done! Ya ready to go home and try to make a baby?"

He said he moved his right hand ring to his left, and grabbed my hand. The guy didn't spook, and said to my friend and me, "You two aren't married, you don't know her, and she's not coming home with you."

He said I immediately said "Oh shit, honey! My band is gone. I'm so sorry!"

My friend said "Baby, this is your third wedding band, that you've lost since we got married!"

He said I said "That's why I said I shouldn't wear the silicone ones! They're too cheap, and I'm used to the finer things!"

He said he came around the bar, with his eyes on me. Wrote up his invoice. With his hand around my waist. He said I gripped the back of his shirt so tight, he knew that I knew I was trying to cling to him.

He walked me to the car, and had his arm around my waist supporting me, and he said I was trying not to fall down. He said "You knew you were in danger. That's why you kept talking about birth defects, and all that grusome shit to that dude. You were trying to keep it cool, and still deter him from raping you, and killing you. I think had I not turned around and seen him, and you looking at him, trying to hit his pressure point on his hand, you would have died. Because, I was the one who taught you that pressure point. And you only use that as a last ditch effort, to keep yourself safe."

It's starting to come back to me, bits and small pieces.

Mainly the emotions I was feeling. I remember feeling such a sense of relief, when my friend put his arm around my waist, and kissed me on the forehead, Infront of the person, trying to kill me.

I remember thinking to myself, "Lorna, I swear to God. Do not let go of this man's shirt. Do not let go. Lorna, you hold on to him." But it wasn't my internal voice. It was a man's voice. Like a young man's voice.

My friend was trying to get me home. And he was talking to someone, trying to keep everyone cool. And I put my hand on his right shoulder, and tucked my face up to it. Snuggling him. And he said "Alright, y'all. She's ready to go home, wish us luck! We're gonna try tonight, for baby #1!"

Now, this is something I do remember him saying "Oh yeah, man! She's gonna be a great mom, she's a great wife, already. She's wild as a mink, and sweet as soda pop!"

He said that so I would finish the line. To solidify, to whoever he was talking to that I was his wife.

My friend is kind of scrawny. But, he said I appeared to know the man who slipped me the drugs. And I was clearly uncomfortable. He said "No one else picked up on it, because this is a bar you don't go to regularly. And these bartenders, don't know you. But, I could tell you were scared, and trying to deter the person with your words." He said "I just knew, that if I didn't act like we were married, you weren't going to come home with me."

I talking to one of my friends, last night. Georgia Homeboy seems to be the culprit. Thirsty, and scared, but trying to play it off.