#things better get better or i may need to throw myself into a volcano for mental health reasons

[smolthealmighty]

[corrinne1978]

On a semi rainy day there were clouds, they looked like something in a 3D movie like they would burst at any second.

The thoughts in my mind rattling around in my head from anxiety, I had recently been in an accident on a day like this. I was feeling a bit scared.

Am I going to listen to my thoughts this time? Before the accident my mind was screaming “get off the highway and go to Minerva St.” but my heart was saying “no, Michael would want to come with you”

I have to learn to trust starting with my gut feeling. Then I must trust myself so I may meditate better. Then I must trust my magic because I can feel strength, I just want it now.

As the world turns ‘round and people run amuck everywhere. Scared and mad they want the truth about everything. Can we all handle the truth of one’s history? The masses want it I say give it to them if they don’t like it if they have been maddened even more let them live with the disgust and rage also tears(if need be)

We as a people , all different races have been enslaved. Our ancestors all cried locked in cages, brought on ships to far away lands so far from home they dare not ask. We have all been there, the Jews, the Ukrainians, the polish, look at religions, the Christians, Witches, Pagans,Muslims, even the white supremacy have been scared and in this fear begot a horrible hatred toward everyone.

We will be the exterminators of the Earth as we know it. We throw garbage in our water supplies, sewage, radiation all go into our water, who wants a fish? Not I! Our end will be spectacular when the sleeping beast in the Northern Hemisphere blows her top the mother of all Volcanoes here in USA Yellowstone. It will erupt like a thousand of Thor’s hammer beating the inside of the earth as it shakes and spits fire from below. After the ash spreads it will block the sun and make us cold. It will not stop at that it will be the end of all things.

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Why do I always forget how AWFUL the camera in mario 64 is

Doesnt matter which version. The ds version sucked. The original sucked. And the switch one is just a remaster of the original. which I mean...so is the ds version. The ds version just had better graphics AND yoshi, Luigi, and Wario were in it. The switch is almost identical to the original but it has a "modern" camera which isn't inverted which is the same as the ds version.

I never actually played the original n64 one myself so I dont know how finicky the controls were on it but holy shit. Like. Both the ds version and the switch version have advantages and disadvantages.

The ds version was super annoying for turns. In the final boss battles you have to grab bowser and spin him around and throw him into some bombs around the arena. I imagine the final one will still be difficult on the switch HOWEVER. I think I may be able to beat it. I never was able to beat it on ds because trying to spin using a fucking dpad is the most annoying goddamn thing. I COULD do it. But keeping up enough momentum AND trying to adjust the janky ass camera to figure out where I needed to throw the bastard was way too fucking hard for 12 year old me. Spinning with a joystick is far easier.

BUT in the ds version you had the use of the a, b, x, and y buttons and they actually all did different things. I dont remember exactly which button did what for the most part but B was the run button. There is no run button on the switch version. You have 2 buttons for jump and 2 for crouch. How fast you go depends on how far forward you press the joystick. Unfortunately the joystick is sensitive as fuck and if you push it just slightly too far forward mario shoots forward like 10 steps instead of the 3 you were trying to do.

I just spent like an hour trying to beat the last level of lethal lava land cuz I would manage to get all the way to the top of the volcano where the star is

And theres 3 small platforms leading to a bigger one that the star is on

In the ds version it was fine

Just keep finger off B button and jump VERY CAREFULLY

But in the switch version I would jump and try to gently nudge the joycon just a teeny tiny bit to jump on to the tiny ass platform

And mario would fucking FLY over it and fall directly into lava

I finally got to a point where I could get him to land on a ledge farther back from where he fell so I wouldn't have to lose a life

And FINALLY managed to get my jumps just right

But holy shit

This game is why I was getting headaches at age 10

Fucking Mario 64 is what started it.

[impossiblycolorfulpanda]

Azulaang - morality

Aang: “I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop Ozai and the red lotus. I thought stealing his bending would be enough.”

Azula: “Enough how? This is my father we’re talking about here. You think he’d just give up? Does he look like the giving up type?”

Aang: “I guess I did think that. Yes.”

Azula: “Of course you did.”

Aang: “The point is I thought it’s be able to stop him without killing him.”

Azula: “That’s exactly the problem. My father always believed that mercy was for the weak and as long as he lives, he’ll prove it to you. Do you want to cling on your wavering ideals or do you want to save the world?”

Aang: “We can’t just push away our principles because it’s convenient. Our team is called team avatar for a reason and it’s not because we can kill. If we wanted to kill people, we would have wiped out your entire nation the same way mine was destroyed, but we didn’t. We have to be better than that.”

Azula: “(sigh)”

Aang: “We need to bring down Ozai again and we will, Azula, but we have to do it the right way.”

Azula: “I get it. Even when the odds are stacked against you, you still choose to be a hippy. Well, never you mind Aang. I’m not gonna force you to compromise your idealism any longer but we both know that he’s too dangerous to be left alive.”

Aang: “What are you saying.”

Azula: “I’m gonna do to him what he always taught me to do to others.”

Aang: “You wanna kill him?”

Azula: “No, I need to kill him, so you don’t have to.”

Aang: “That doesn’t make it right, I just said we have to be better then him.”

Azula: “I was raised to be killer. If there’s one good thing to come out of that grueling experience, I’m willing to take it.”

Aang: “Look, I know you’re worried about what your dad might do to you, you’ve been scared of him for a long time and now that he doesn’t have much left to lose he’s become more dangerous. But there are some lines we can’t cross.”

Azula: “(Scoffs) You really don’t know as much as you think you do, hippy.”

Aang: “I know, what killing Ozai will do to you. You would be throwing away everything you’ve done to break free from his grip. To become a hero. You’ve got to realize that.”

Azula: “You are a moron. I’m not afraid of what my father might do to me. I’m afraid of what he might do to you. Ozai has taken out anyone who’s gotten in his way and you will always be in his way. Long time ago, I wished for your death but despite that, you’ve proven to the most genuine and constant good thing in my life and now, I’d throw myself in a volcano to keep you safe, but more personally, I’m willing to give up my sanity, humanity and happiness all over again, to keep you safe.”

Aang: “What about what we want? You may not care of losing who’ve become but we do. I do. We like a happy Azula who’s genuinely loved for the first time. I love her. Please, don’t let Ozai take her away from me.”

[meichenxi]

tldr; autistic parents are fantastic and fuck you if you think otherwise, signed, a disaster queer adhd daughter

So on the back of a lot of negative stuff I've been coming across recently I wanted to take a moment and talk about my dad. He is autistic and chronically ill, and has been unable to hold a job down since I was eight or nine. He only ever responds with brutal, crushing honesty when I ask him how he is (and as he's chronically ill, the answers are rarely fun); he doesn't have any close relationships with any other adults and is so afraid of crowds he sprints through them leaving the children to run after him as best they can; he very rarely told me I was doing well and never seemed to understand my point of view, much less my mother's; he would never talk about anything other than bloody knitting, rocks or conservation, he could eat approximately 0.5 foods but also had no job to buy anything better; he frequently goes around naked because 'it feels nice' causing me to SCREAM -

He's my favourite person in the entire world.

Growing up, there were so many things he taught me. His special interests were geology, nature conservation, wildlife gardening, taiji, mythology and knitting. When we were kids, we went out for long walks for miles and miles in the drizzling British countryside - when I was young, my brother and mum would lag behind and me and my dad would skip ahead, jumping over the rocks, and he'd tell with great excitement why THAT twisty line of quartz was actually less exciting that this outcrop here; he'd teach me about the Salmon of Wisdom and the folk that live over the sea and never grow old, and impress on me with utter seriousness how I must never tell a stranger my name unless they tell me theirs first; he'd sit down with me and draw patterns for a jumper he was thinking of in the mud with a stick, and then we'd have a sword fight. I never understood half of the things he told me, but listened with wonder, because he was my dad, and he knew everything.

When I was a little older, we made up stories that lasted for hours, and memorised poetry together from Lord of the Rings (because THERE our interests collided with galactic force) and he'd do all of the voices just perfectly. We went one whole summer just quoting LOTR to each other, and it was our little secret: Mum might hear 'Yes,' but only I would hear what came after: 'Yes,' said Frodo, or 'Yes!' cried Boromir. And when I told him my story about a woman who lived in a volcano he listened quietly and told me that that wasn't how volcanoes worked, but that he could help me write it better.

Everybody's autism is different. For my dad, it rendered him completely incapable to work and was paralysing in social situations, but when it was just me and him, he told the most wonderful stories. I wanted to be a geologist just listening to his voice, and then a writer, and then finally someone who understood the land like he did and the sea.

And he made me feel normal. He made me feel heard. With my mum, as much as I loved her, I would get vague noises of assent as she struggled to look after everybody in this damn house, or irritable 'Would you just be quiet for ONE second?' I was a talented kid, and everybody praised me at pretty much everything: but the only person who would consider anything I wrote like it was an adult's writing, with seriousness and criticism, was my dad. He didn't tell me I did well often. Instead he would take my picture, or my writing, and look at it with great seriousness, and ask me WHY the Queen was so intent on kidnapping beautiful princesses in the first place. I could trust him to tell me whether I did something well or not, because he never, never lied. Not to please me, and not to please anyone. It cost him his marriage and his job, but it was a rock of stability in my life : my mother was volatile, frequently furious enough to resort to violence, and she lied and laughed and told us what we wanted to hear, but he was always reliable. If he was angry, we knew.

When I spoke for hours about my languages, he listened, nodded, and then spoke about his plants. It was a perfect give and take because I didn't expect him to care about my languages, and he never expected me to care about his plants. We just cared about the other.

And when I didn't make any friends and couldn't interact with the other children without despair he was always there with a silent offer of a bike ride, or catch in the park. He was always the fittest person I knew, despite his illness. He had lots of grand ideas - once he climbed the tree outside our house and tried to rig up a platform fifteen metres above the ground. After three days he was inconsolable. He wouldn't speak, he just sat there. But a few days later he started drawing up plans and attacked it again, and this time it worked.

My dad is great for a lot of reasons, and difficult for a lot of reasons too. Some of these are just him - but some are specifically related to his autism, and I think it's important that we talk about that too, especially in the context of parenthood. Because we see a lot of positivity about young autistic adults and kids, but older adults are just as valuable and just as in need of support and recognition, particularly because they may have gone through so much. My dad was made to stand in a bucket of urine for three days as a kid to 'pull himself together'. Spoilers: it didn't work.

And I'm not autistic myself, but many of my ADHD behaviours are so much easier around him because he just. gets it. If I don't like a certain food because of the texture, he never buys it again - I don't need to explain myself. We leave all social events early, which is wonderful because he is very stressed and I am either so high on adrenaline I'm in danger of injuring myself or exhausted to the point of not being able to talk. We run through crowds together because he hates crowds and I like the chance to stretch my legs. We don't touch or keep in contact very much, because neither of us see the point or like small talk, and I'm terrible at messaging anyone, but I know (and he knows) as soon as we need each other we're there. We do handstands on the beach together and he points out plants on the way back along with their Latin names. He never bothers me about talking to my friends or stopping clowning and watching my stupid shows or spending ten hours a day on Chinese or Tolkien. He never mocks me for needing space and time after anything. We lie on the concrete together because it's so damned warm and nice and adgshhhhh. We spend hours playing taiji and doing push hands in the kitchen, and our 'love language', if you will, is him trying to throw me to the ground. We both get 100% of our emotional intelligence from books, and in any arguments can use this to great effect. I talk at him for an hour, and then he talks at me for an hour. I know so much about fucking willow trees.

So people who say that autistic parents are cold and incapable of care? My dad was the most sincere, honest and helpful parent a child could have ever asked for. Things were difficult, but it helped me understand that parents too have needs, and that adults are all just grown up kids trying their best. I didn't know why he was different as a kid, and I didn't much care - I just wanted to be a geologist like my daddy.

[saphirered]

Hello! What do you think it would be like if Essek had a fire genasi S/o, like they're normal really calm and collected unlike most fire genasi but the times they do get really general angry it's like watching a volcano erupt! (Maybe they got angry cause Essek got hurt by someone?) Thank you!

Essek is so caught up in his work he doesn’t even hear you enter his laboratory. Papers are strewn about, books opened, some flat, some propped agains anything and everything for better readability. The sound of the metal nib of a fine pen moving across paper, the only constant in the room besides the occasional mutter to himself.

You knock on the door. No response. You call out his name. Nothing. You think whatever Essek’s working on must be very important to have him be so unaware of his surroundings. You notice Essek’s in his robe, shoes and a shirt given the mostly exposed lower arms. Did he not get dressed in the morning? Or did he simply never go to sleep? You’re not sure. Could be both. Could be either.

Since he’s not responding you simply approach. You place a hand on his shoulder, slide it down over his chest as you kiss his temple. You look over the pages out in front of him as he slowly becomes aware of your presence, leaning into your kiss.

“What are you up to?” You ask softly recognising some of the spells as the schematics of healing magic and to a lesser extend regeneration. Essek must have noticed your confusion as he quickly pulls from your grasp, begins to gather the papers and pile them together, closing the books as he goes.

“Nothing of importance. I did not hear you enter.” Essek gets up leaning against the desk and faces you with a smile reaching for you and pulling you closer to the point you no longer have visual on any of the papers and books. He’s definitely hiding something.

“I knocked, and called your name. You seemed to be pretty caught up in whatever you were working on.” You try to look past him but the moment you do his hand finds its way to your cheek brushing his thumb over it lovingly.

“My apologies. Shall we go somewhere else? I think I’ve been crammed up in this study long enough for today. Perhaps some fresh air will suit us both?” Essek suggest with a somewhat nervous laugh. You smile back at him and give him a kiss. If he’s not going to talk, you’ll find out yourself and you’re prepared to use whatever you can to get to the bottom of this.

Reaching for the stack of papers behind him once they are securely in your grasp you break the kiss taking several steps back and leaf through the notes before he can get to you. So not just healing magic… herbology, physiology and anatomy, manual healing, treating injuries, medicine, recipes for concoctions, ointments and potions to cure anything from bruises to broken bones, wounds and burns.

“Why the sudden interest in the art of healing?” You frown as the pages are snatched from your grasp and the drow holds them behind his back with an unreadable expression, head held high; the same one he uses whenever he’s dealing with any kind of official and none casual business.

“A sudden interest. I found myself with time to spare and decided to spend it learning until your return. And since you’re here, there’s no need to continue.” You notice the nervous smile break through again leaving you more leery of Essek. If he’s gonna play this game you’ll play along but last you remembered chess is a two player game and you’re not about to be tricked into making a certain move by the wizard.

“You misunderstand. I’m not judging your ‘sudden interest’ nor questioning your reasonings for wishing to study healing. However, last I remember you were the one to tell me healing magic is not exactly within your capabilities. I’m just curious.” You take a step closer to Essek and he steps back. You take another and close enough to the desk he puts the stack of paper back where it was before he steps back in towards you.

“There are some very capable healers among my friends and you are an exceptional one. I simply wish to learn the deeper meanings to the abilities they have at their fingertips and gain a better understanding of it.” You smile at him innocently. Such a liar. Such. A. Liar. Half truth if we’re being technical but deception nonetheless.

“Well then, I would leave you to your studies but I have missed you, Essek.” You kiss his cheek snaking one arm around his waist. You can see the panic in his eyes. Normally he’d happily indulge, return your affections without even a second of doubt. He pulls the robe around his torso a little closer as your free hand dances up his chest and over his shoulder.

The moment you reach his shoulder he grits his teeth, jaw tightening holding back a a whimper or a gasp as his entire posture freezes up. You quickly remove your hand and look at him worried. Essek gives you a look of defeat as you put a bit more space between the two of you, allowing you to move freely.

“Essek…” You all but threaten as you reach for the neckline of the robe. He has half the mind to stop you but refrains from doing so with a sigh as you push the fabric aside.

His shoulder and upper arm seem very much bruised, the bone slightly out of place. Seeing it continues over the top of his shoulder you turn him around inspecting his back too. Two deep cuts, luckily no longer bleeding mare the back of his shoulder. The injuries agitated, left untreated. Essek sighs deeply as you gasp at the sight.

“What happened?” You go over the outline of the open wounds, careful not to touch.

“Let’s just say the Martinet Daleth did not appreciate my comments on his personal relations very much.” Essek grits his teeth as you accidentally brush over a particularly painful area. You bite your lower lip keeping yourself from making a snarky remark but can’t prevent yourself from feeling the threads of control slip. How could he have done something so stupid? He’s aware how powerful those people are, not only that, in the position he is in, being less than friendly will not do him well in any circumstance when he doesn’t have any leverage anymore.

“Have you gone mad?!” That may have come out a little less… calm than you had hoped it would. Deciding to focus on the now and not all the things you may want to say, shout or scream, or actions you may want to take, you instead focus on healing the worst. You make sure the wounds are clean before they close up, reset the bone in the right position and allow the bruises to fade.

As your magic sets in and begins to work its wonders Essek lets out a breath of relief, rubbing at his priorly injured shoulder testing its movability. Nothing remains of the injuries and you’re able to contain the fire feel burning within your chest and throat. You take a few deep breaths as Essek thanks you.

Brushing Essek off, knowing the way well enough, you head for the component pantry. Essek follows behind you calling after you but out of fear of blowing up in his face you keep going and ignore him. You go over the shelves grabbing jars and vials as you go. You had to channel your anger somewhere so if this was going to be it, then so it be.

You had worked very hard to keep your own fury contained when it arose. You’re usually calm and collected even in the most dire of situations, but when someone comes for your friends, let alone lover, you will put the burning fires of the Nine Hells to shame, living up to the ‘hell hath no fury’ expression. It’s also a side you prefer to keep away from your loved ones if it can be avoided.

Normally a few deep breaths, counting to ten and another few deep breaths would do. In the rare cases that didn’t work you’d try occupying yourself with something else entirely. But now… you’re slipping. You can feel the rage burning within, so to the components you turn.

You pick up another vial inspecting it and Essek interrupts placing himself between you and your already gathered components.

“I don’t know what you’re planning but please, don’t do anything you’ll come to regret.” Essek practically begs. He takes the vial from your hand but drops it immediately, hissing in pain. The vial shatters as he waves his hand as if to cool it down. You push past him, gather the components and throw them into a sack as you leave the pantry. Essek quickly follows behind still clutching his hand to cool it down.

“Where are you going?” You stop, put on the most composed look you can and turn around to face him.

“I’m going to murder the leader of an infamous order of magic users. Now if you will excuse me, enjoy the rest of your day.” Words like poison. No more anger, just pure unrestrained hatred. You turn back around and continue your way towards the front door. You clench your fists feeling the burning heat gather within your palms.

“Don’t do anything stupid! You’ll get yourself killed!” Essek shouts after you but you keep walking. He calls your name. “Do not do anything stupid!” He repeats. You stop in your tracks feeling as if something inside of you just snaps. The last thread of your composure perhaps.

“Don’t do anything stupid? Anything stupid he says!” You throw your hands in the air.

“Like how you didn’t do anything completely and utterly stupid when you did what you did? How you lied to so many people, were the one responsible for so many terrible things. Or how you made choices ignoring the consequences of your actions?” You shout back, the ground beneath your feet’s temperature starts rising to the point where you are scorching the fine carpet beneath. Admittedly, your words are a low blow.

“You know what I meant!” Essek retorts getting closer to you, his frustrations also clear.

“Oh, I know what you meant but let’s no longer pretend you’re the only one you care about suffering from the consequences of your actions. Can you for just a moment just open your eyes and realise you have so many people around you who love you and would go to the ends of the earth for you. Can you just understand that when someone hurts you and threatens your livelihood, your life, that maybe that doesn’t sit well with me?” Unclenching your fists embers drift to the floor leaving more holes in the carpet.

“Why do you have to be so stupid!” Scorching heat radiates in the hallway as a brief rush of flame passes through the space like burning oil. Essek is quick enough to float and avoid the fire, but you watch it spread.

Essek’s face softens as he quickly puts the fire out. He goes to place his hand on your arm but feeling the heat of your skin before even making contact, he’s forced to refrain and his hand falls back to the side. He’s never seen you quite so driven by hatred and anger. It scares him in a way. He’s not afraid of you. He trusts you. But he is afraid that letting you go off on your own so driven by those negative emotions, allowing them to fester and grow, will not do anyone good, least of all you. He worries for your wellbeing, just like you have for his plenty of times before.

“I know I may have a hard time coming to terms with others’ affections towards me and may have made some stupid decisions but I beg of you, please, do not walk into a lions’ den unprepared carrying bait around your neck.” While the fury still burns in your eyes and your skin is still much hotter to the touch than it should be Essek is able to grasp your hand without burning himself.

“I must ask you to refrain from brutally murdering the Martinet… for now. His time will come, just as those who are loyal to him. Just not yet.” Essek strokes your cheek as your eyes soften, expression saddening.

“They hurt you still.” The words come out almost like a cry of frustration and sadness. Whether that be because of what had happened to Essek or from losing control like that you’re not one hundred percent sure but you guess the latter.

“They did, and I assume they will be a thorn in my side just a bit longer but, if that means I’ll have you at my side to eventually deal with them, I feel more comfortable for it, no matter how much I would love to see you set their pretentious ship ablaze, in retaliation, you yourself said, calculated moves are a necessity, especially now.” Essek had already made his peace with this, he only hopes you would see the same. Wrapping your arms around him hiding your face in his chest you compose yourself in a silent thank you as he returns your embrace, holding you until you pull back enough to see his face.

“I’m so sorry.” You whisper looking at the scorch marks all over. “I didn’t mean to… I never-”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Everyone breaks at some point. You’ve been there for me plenty of times. I’m glad I get to return the favour, regardless of the circumstances.” Essek looks around already mentally making a list of what to get replaced and what to get repaired.

“You can be quite intimidating in your fury.” He smiles at you and you raise an eyebrow.

“I guess…” You feel regretful for the damages done.

“I might have use for that in the future if you’d be willing.” You give Essek a look of disapproval.

“What? I would love to see you do this, in some other places with less than friendly people, who you’ve already deemed deserving of your wrath.” Essek laughs.

“So I can repay you for this? I can do that. But only in the most dire situations.” You poke an accusing finger at his chest laughing with him. You give him quick kiss.

“At least it was not my library, or the study.” Essek sighs as you gawk and swat his arm jokingly.

“Rude! But yes. Because I can see you being the one in a fiery rage should anyone ever damage your precious books.”

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #7-9

November, 1984

BERSERKER!

The death of an Avenger! The X-Men’s greatest battle! And, introducing the all-new SPIDER-WOMAN!

The cover sure isn’t burying the lede. This comic sure does introduce an All-New (presumably All-Different) Spider-Woman! Jessica Drew, move over! For now. You’ll be the Spider-Woman that endures in the long run.

Last times on Secret Wars: Some amazingly powerful being from Beyond the universe called the Beyonder kidnaps a bunch of heroes, villains, shades thereof, and chunks of random planets to put on a big toy commercial where action figures can bonk off each other.

The X-Men ditched the other heroes to do their own thing, as they’re wont to do. The villains storm the hero base and drop a mountain on them. The heroes take refuge at a small village where Johnny Storm finds a new girlfriend but there’s also a Galactus.

Galactus starts preparing a device to eat Battleworld, which would let him win the toy commercial in one fell swoop.

Oh, and Wasp was kidnapped by Magneto, escaped, crashed her escape ship, found the Lizard, and then got lasered to death by the Wrecking Crew. It was a Bad Time and I am sad, even though we know Wasp will be okay by the time they get back from Battleworld.

This time: Further not burying the lede.

The cover promised a new Spider-Woman and dammit, here’s one right away, first page. Truth in advertising!

Spider-Woman herself wastes no time introducing herself to everyone, that she comes from a chunk of Denver that got raptured by the Beyonder (still want that miniseries), that she came to help when she saw evidence of super fighting, and that she can pick up and throw large rocks so clearly she’d be able to help.

Captain America is hesitant about all this and Spider-Woman assumes that he thinks she’s a spy but as Captain America points out, why would Doom need to mess around with spies when he’s got so much power at his disposal.

Spider-Man is also hesitant at this new character. For different reasons.

Spider-Man: “She tossed that boulder as easily as I could have... at least! I wonder if she sticks to walls, too! And I wonder if I can sue her for infringing on my shticks! I should have gotten a patent or trademark or something...”

Cap tries to settle on the argument that a Secret War is too dangerous but Spider-Woman has the exceptional point “I suspect that it’s no less dangerous for the spectators, Captain America -- I might as well pitch in!”

And then the obvious toy pitch vehicle that the Wrecking Crew was driving in the swamp yesterday drives through the village blowing shit up, restarting the fires that the heroes just put out, and most insultingly of all, throwing Wasp van Dyne’s dead deceased corpse out the hatch before driving off.

Those dicks.

The heroes rush to Wasp and take her to Zsaji. That cool lady tries to heal Wasp but Jan has no pulse and isn’t breathing and might be beyond Cura. This may take Phoenix Down.

But since she went and got herself disintegrated on the Moon, Wasp is clearly dead forever.

-Looks over at Avengers #243- Hush, you!

The assembled heroes want to rush Doombase and kick the shit out of the villains and specifically the Wrecking Crew but Captain America tells them no.

Captain America: “Now, listen to me -- ! While we’re off getting even, what if Galactus starts to use that world-eating machine he’s building up on that mountain? Then every living thing on this world -- including these innocent villagers and all those people from that suburb of Denver will die! We’ve got to stay right here, ready to attack him! We may have only seconds to react when it begins!”

She-Hulk storms off while the other heroes debate the Galactus situation.

I’m sure this is fine.

Meanwhile, on the more volcano-y side of the planet, Xavier orders Cyclops, Rogue, and Wolverine to pursue Doom’s Four villains Molecule Man, Titania, Absorbing Man, and Doctor Octopus to try to capture them before they can return to Doom.

Back over at Doombase, Titania sees that her “little Owie” has been badly hurt and begs Enchantress to help.

Volcana: “Enchantress! You’re a sorceress! You could use your magic to transport me to my Owen!”

Enchantress -busy getting drunk-: “Yes... but why would I, mortal?”

Volcana: “Well... because... because I need you to! I can’t fly a ship! I -- I don’t even have a driver’s license for a car! Ultron won’t help me -- ! He only takes orders from Doom!”

Enchantress: “It takes much energy to transport a body as bloated as yours! I cannot be bothered!”

Wow! You’re a dick!

Volcana catches a lot of fat jokes and she’s not depicted as looking any different from Standard Comic Book Body Type. But also, don’t fatshame at all, Enchantress.

Anyway, Volcana promises anything to Enchantress if she helps.

Enchantress: “Rash words, mortal wench... and later, you shall deeply regret them!”

Its very handy for the villains that Volcana just showed up because their airship almost immediately gets show down by the X-Men. So even with Molecule Man out of commission, their numbers are back to Doom’s Four. And Volcana calls dibs on beating up Wolverine.

The X-Men have numbers but they’re not doing super well. Professor X is on the scene trying to be the field leader but the chaos of the battle and the villains’ minds being blocked by Enchantress’ magic makes it hard for him to coordinate.

Magneto even gets smack-talked by Absorbing Man.

Absorbing Man: “Tell me, Magneto. What’s scum like you doin’ hangin’ around with the X-Men? Sure, they’re outlaws -- but I thought you was big time! You got mass murder raps, manslaughter, terrorism, what else? Probably everything! You’re one of us! On second thought, a creampuff like you belongs with them losers!”

I can’t believe Magneto has to take that from a man who constantly carries a large metal orb with him everywhere.

Wolverine manages to slice off Absorbing Man’s arm, although the guy was made of rock at the time so it wasn’t as gory as it could have been.

Absorbing Man just. Picks up his arm and runs off to hit someone with it.

Amazing.

The villains manage to pin down the heroes with some Volcana blast and then steal one of the X-Men’s ships and get away.

Professor X declares that this is Totally a victory.

Xavier: “We lost nothing, save one of our ships -- which matters little -- and we gained much! We coalesced as a fighting unit passing our greatest test to date and I think we proved ourselves -- beyond a doubt!”

Like, you had a scuffle with some villains that ended inconclusively even though you had the advantage of a sneak attack, the villains stole one of your ships, and there was no major damage to either side.

It was largely pointless. But I guess Xavier has a vested interest in declaring it a huge success since it was his inaugural go at being field commander.

Meanwhile, skulking around Galactus’ ship, DOOM complains about doing that.

Doom: “Doctor Doom - a burglar! Rummaging about in another being’s home, seeking to steal some priceless thing! Bah! What choice do I have? I need a key, a way -- ! My armor’s sensors have led me to prize after prize -- hundreds, thousands of devices which, in the hands of a man as brilliant as myself could provide power to conquer entire galaxies -- ! Yet, all of them combined are not enough to defeat Galactus -- let alone the Beyonder! There must be a way! Doom must be supreme!”

Unfortunately for Doom, despite the volcano distraction making Galactus sigh and have to spend time fixing the planet so he can eat it, he senses something amiss in his house and mentally yeets Doom back to Battleworld.

The villains return back to Doombase but Doctor Octopus can’t help Molecule Man because dammit he’s a nuclear physicist, not a medical doctor! Ultron tells Volcana that there are medical devices that could fix Molecule Man up nicely but since he doesn’t have any relevant orders from Doom, he’s just going to stand here and look pretty. And Enchantress says she could heal him with a wave of her hand but refuses to because Volcana already gave her a blank check.

Absorbing Man returns and reattaches his arm by basically hoping like hell it’ll just be better if he holds it in place when he reverts to skin flesh.

And the Wrecking Crew have to throw the Lizard into a cell because he hasn’t stopped trying to eat their faces for killing Wasp, his new best friend.

The Wrecking Crew doesn’t get a chance to enjoy being back at base because She-Hulk has broken in and beats the crap out of them off-screen.

Titania comes in and starts fighting She-Hulk STARTING AN ENDURING RIVALRY.

Its fun how much got its start in Secret Wars.

The two fight more or less evenly from what I can tell but uh Doctor Octopus joins in as does the Absorbing Man and the Wrecking Crew once they catch their breath.

And She-Hulk is strong but this is a stomp.

In another part of Doombase where the Enchantress is sitting in “sullen reverie” refusing to get involved in the fight she can here, instead thinking about how much she’s going to seduce the crap out of Thor.

Doom arrives at Himbase after being expelled from Galactus’ ship and refuses to explain anything to Enchantress. He just stumbles over to his sweet bed and collapses in it.

Doom: “It is over... Finished...”

Back over at Zsaji’s Village, the heroes realize that She-Hulk took off. Hawkeye figures that she went after the villains and asks to go after her.

Hawkeye: “She can’t take ‘em alone, Cap! She needs us!”

Huh! When the chips are down even though they fought, Clint and Jen sure are coworkers.

Hulk also asks to go after her since she’s his cousin. The acknowledgement of which is what I’ve been wanting all along.

But Cap tells them no.

Hulk: “I don’t suppose you’d consider putting it to a vote?”

Trying to appeal to his love of democracy. How wily.

Captain America: “My heart would vote ‘yes’ in a minute... Too many innocent lives are at stake here, though! Many more than the few people on this planet -- we’ve got a universe depending on what we do here! We can’t allow ourselves the luxury of making decisions with our hearts!”

But Cap receives a psychic skype from Professor X who tells him that the X-Men can take Galactus watching duty for a bit so run along and save your teammate, you scamp.

Cap accepts.

Its fun how the tide of battle has shifted back and forth.

Now the heroes are largely fresh, having been sitting on their ass staring at Galactus, and the villains are bloodied from several fights with the X-Men and She-Hulk. Plus, their big gun Molecule Man got Wolverine’d.

But next issue is something so big that it overshadows basically everything else in Secret Wars.

December, 1984

INVASION!

YEAH ITS VENOM

OR WILL BE

Also, a bunch of other stuff happens. The cover is kind of funny for maybe unintentionally presaging what would happen where the black costume being more remembered than everything else in Secret Wars in general but definitely this issue specifically.

There’s actually a lot of really cool stuff happening in this issue.

Cap(tain America)’s group of heroes storms Doom’s Doombase, lucking out that Doom is too stunned by being expelled from Galactus’ ship to attempt any kind of defense and nobody else on his team has the braincells to be watching out for an attack.

Enchantress hears the heroes breaking in but she’s well and truly drunk by this point.

And bemoans her secret god meeting with Thor. That she was going to try to cast a spell on him to bend him to her will but is aware that she might have flipped good for him instead. And even now wonders what she’ll do if Thor shows up in front of her.

The villains still beating She-Hulk to her death hear the heroes breaking into the base and run off to ambush them, Doc Ock slamming She-Hulk against some wreckage as a coup de grace.

Wrecker gets the jump on Iron Man and Doc Ock dumps a convenient tank of water on Human Torch but Spider-Man jumps in and drops Bulldozer with one punch before he can pulp an extinguished Johnny.

The Thing tries fighting Absorbing Man but wouldn’t you know it, the Thing’s thingness fades at the worst time again, leaving him powerless.

Spider-Woman jumps in to save him.

She didn’t get to really do much in her actual introductory issue, despite being on the cover and splash. She just kinda shows up and goes ‘i can definitely help!’

She makes a much better second impression this time. Almost like she’s aware that she needs to sell herself.

Spider-Woman: “A clean knockout -- ! Of the awesome Absorbing Man -- ! And it’s only the fifth time I’ve ever been in a fight! The new Spider-Woman wins again!”

Marvel really wants you to like this non-Jessica Drew.

Piledriver charges Hawkeye, mocking him for missing with his arrows and gloating that arrows are useless to a guy who’s immune to bullets.

Piledriver: “Hawkeye the Archer! Hah! Boy you gonna need Hawkeye the M.A.S.H. doctor in a minute -- ‘cause I reckon this good ol’ boy is gonna ‘mash’ you!”

Good one, Piledriver. Good banter.

Hawkeye: “Those shots were just warnings, dummy! I don’t want to have to hit you! From my bow, at this range, an arrow hits a lot harder than any bullet! Back off... please...”

We did learn in the Hawkeye mini that Hawkeye’s bow has a ridiculous draw strength.

This is a pretty good Hawkeye moment people don’t really point to a lot.

Also, I do love when an invincible or durable person who isn’t used to getting hurt gets hurt once and goes ‘NOPE! I DO NOT CARE FOR THIS!’

Hulk busts into Enchantress’ drinking room and unfortunately falls for her “I am but a helpless female!” routine. She gets all up in his business, magically puts him to sleep, and then pours herself another drink.

It could have been a good day for Enchantress if Captain America hadn’t come in right after.

Captain America: “What have you done to the Hulk?”

Enchantress: “For the moment, he is merely asleep. Doubtless dreaming dreams of me! But, alas, he can never truly have me, for I am yours, my handsome captain! Am I not beautiful? Come to me...”

Points for audacity but Captain America is a champion of not thinking with his dick. Blah blah willpower is legendary, socked Prometheus in the noggin. You get it.

Anyway, he socks Enchantress in the noggin with his shield and knocks her out.

Hawkeye and unthinged Ben try to find the rest of the heroes but run into Klaw and Lizard, who Klaw let out of his cell because he didn’t like to see anyone imprisoned but also because he liked the way Lizard talks. What an audiophile.

Ben Grimm: “Uh... any ideas, Hawk?”

Hawkeye: “Well... I guess we’ll have to outwit ‘em!”

Ben Grimm: “Us?!”

Hah.

Thor, Iron Man, Spider-Woman, and Mr Fantastic find Volcana and Molecule Man.

Iron Man makes the dubious tactical decision to charge right into Volcana’s plasma burst and burns out his armor.

Mr Fantastic pulls him out of the way and the other heroes try to get through Molecule Man’s fused air molecules invisible shield. They fail until Captain Marvel just lightbeams right through it. Because its transparent.

Love it. Love that her power works like that. Because it should.

Captain Marvel grabbing Molecule Man pulls open his Wolverine wounds and he passes out. Volcana surrenders to spare her boyfriend more pain.

Not that Monica intended that or knew he was wounded. This is still early Monica before Nextwave hardened her outlook. This is the Monica who was horrified when Blackout and Moonstone got pulled through a singularity.

Titania tried to drop a forty-ton beam on the heroes’ heads but is interrupted by Spider-Man thanks to his spectacular spider-sense.

She out-muscles him by a lot but she can’t actually lay a hit on him because he’s got superior spider agility. Maybe if she had more experience it’d be different but she’s basically in the angry flailing stage of her skill tree so far.

Spidey brags “With a little room to operate, no one can lay a glove on me -- not the X-Men, not the Absorbing Man, and not you!”

Titania: “When I get you I’ll -- AGGH!”

Spider-Man: “All you’re going to get is frustrated... and, eventually, trashed!”

Titania: “No! It’s not fair! *UHH!*”

Spider-Man: “But, if we were fighting in a broom closet, that’d be fair, right?”

Titania: “Stop it! Stop it! Stop -- !”

Spider-Man: “You ought to be happy, cuddles! You aspired to be a bully, and, man, you’re a classic! You talk tough and nasty when you’ve got the upper hand -- but when you’re losing -- well, that’s when the whining little wimp-ette inside comes spilling out!”

And then he defenestrates her without a window.

Fun fact: she apparently developed a Spider-Man phobia from this.

Understandably.

Y’know, in terms of embarrassing and traumatizing people, Spider-Man is having a good run in this story.

Captain American and Human Torch find a passed out Piledriver who fainted from blood loss after staggering away. And they find Ultron, standing between them and Doom.

Ultron is an Avengers-tier stomper who takes down entire teams and there’s just two heroes who coincidentally were both portrayed by Chris Evans. And the Human Torch’s fire is ineffective as Ultron gloats.

Ultron: “The core of the hottest star could not melt my adamantium body, human! Nothing can harm me! I am invincible! I am mechanically precise and computer-swift! I am perfect!”

When Ultron grapples Human Torch and starts throttling him, Cap tells him to use his nova-flame. Then hides behind his shield.

The flame melts a good portion of the room and the air being superheated somehow doesn’t make Cap crispy. And when the nova flare of the nova flame fades, Ultron’s chassis is still intact.

But the heat damaged something inside and Ultron is down. Johnny is also down, spent from the nova.

I like that the Fantastic Four would have their own way to deal with Ultron should that ever come up. Has it? You’d think it would.

Captain America proceeds to Doom alone but Doom is non-responsive from being Galactus’d.

And Reed, Spider-Man, and Hulk finds Hawkeye and Ben Grimm, where they have outwitted Klaw and Lizard.

Lizard: “Disssturb our gamess-s and the Lizard will dessstroy you! Once we finissh, we will do as you s-ssay!”

Well, whatever works!

With the fighting done, Captain Marvel finds She-Hulk, barely alive. The heroes jam her into a healing tube saving her in the nick of time.

The heroes also jam the villains into healing tubes because they’re heroes and are nice like that.

Considering the heroes were fighting to take prisoners and the villains very much weren’t, it’s lucky that the heroes won the majority of conflicts and got away from the one they didn’t.

The villains that didn’t need bacta treatments - or whatever is in those tubes - got shoved into cells. Also, Doom, because he might need the healing juice but it would require peeling him out of his armor and its probably booby-trapped.

Hawkeye and Captain Marvel return to the village to bring Wasp’s body to DoomHerobase for a funeral but they’re in for a surprise.

It turns out that Zsaji WAS able to heal Wasp who wasn’t dead just in a laser-induced death-like stasis. AS YA DO. It nearly killed Zsaji to bring Wasp back from such grievous injuries.

Colossus learns this by getting into her exposition drugs while she’s passed out and mind-melding with her.

Of course, it just makes the big lug fall deeper in love with her.

The important takeaway is that Wasp is alive. Just like we knew that she would be. The universe has been set right.

Over at Herobase, Reed Richards fixes the Iron Man armor after Rhodey got it a little melted.

Iron Man, James Rhodes: “I’m curious... were you surprised there was a black man under the metal?”

Reed Richards: “Hmm... No, I never gave it a thought! I knew there was a man under there...”

Its a nice exchange.

Its kinda ruined retroactively by Illuminati revealing that Reed knew Tony was Iron Man and would have known about Tony having to step down due to his alcoholism and likely knew about Rhodey taking over.

Dammit, Illuminati!

Elsewhere in the base, Spider-Man spots Hulk and Thor coming out of a room with Thor sporting a brand new cape and helmet. They tell Spidey that there’s a device in there that will make any clothes you want.

Except Spider-Man doesn’t bother asking which device and they don’t bother specifying so Spidey just picks the likeliest one and gets a black glob.

An important black glob.

To eventually be revealed to be an alien goo symbiote and later eventually tied to a dark god that predates the universe.

But for right now, its a way to incorporate a new costume design that a fan submitted. And Spider-Man handwaves it not looking like his old costume by assuming he was thinking of the new Spider-Woman.

So that’s how it is, Pete? She ‘ripped’ you off so you’re gonna rip her off?

You know whats really funny?

A month before this came out, in Spider-Man’s own book, he had learned that the costume was a living symbiote and had gotten rid of it.

It be like that with Secret Wars but its still funny that we’re finally seeing him get the costume just as he’s getting rid of it.

Anyway, Spider-Man’s new costume buzz is interrupted by the planet shaking and someone yelling in his brain.

Professor X: “CAPTAIN AMERICA! COME AT ONCE! IT HAS BEGUN! GALACTUS IS DEVOURING THE PLANET!”

It’s nice that the crises are waiting their turn.

January, 1985

ASSAULT ON GALACTUS!

The issue titles for this story are all so excited.

The X-Men were left on Galactus watching duty so when the big lug starts trying to eat the planet, the X-Men charge in to attack him.

Hm.

Y’know, I sometimes wonder what iconic storylines would have been like if a different set of characters handled it. This used to be great What If fodder. I know there was one where the Avengers tackled Galactus’ first appearance. And because it was the tone of What If at the time to viciously shoot down any divergence of the 616 timeline, THINGS WENT HORRIBLY WRONG.

Think of it like the Turn Left episode of Doctor Who.

POINT BEING, I wonder how the X-Men would have handled Galactus’ first appearance. Of course, this would be the O5 roster so they’d have their work cut out for them.

Heck, even with Storm on the team, the X-Men are over their heads with Galactus.

She hits him with two massive lightning bolts and Galactus keeps working like he didn’t even notice.

The X-Men seem to realize how out of their depth they are (especially sans Phoenixes, their usual Galactus-fighting go-to) but at Professor Xavier’s command they charge in anyway.

Galactus sends out a defensive drone so he can continue not paying the X-Men any mind and the mutants find themselves completely bogged down in fighting the drone while Galactus does his thing.

And from Zsaji’s sweet village, Captain Marvel, Wasp, and Hawkeye see a massive explosion where the X-Men were.

I guess they’re totally dead forever.

Wasp: “Should we head up there now?”

Hawkeye: “No! We’d better wait for Cap... and strike as a unit!”

Hah.

Its the expression, really. Like Hawkeye thinking to himself ‘oh I want no part of that.’

The non-X-Men assemble at Herobase to rush to the fight.

Mr. Fantastic: “Hurry! No telling how long the X-Men can hold out!”

Spider-Man: “Yeah! Where’s the rest of the alphabet when you need it?”

HAH!

Oh, Spider-Man, you are a delight.

In the airship over, Thor notices that Hulk looks glum and tries to cheer him up.

Thor: “If ‘tis that you do not fit in these chairs that depresses you, count yourself fortunate! They were made, I think, for insect men... or by trolls, for torture! If ‘tis the impending battle troubling thee -- just think! What greater chance for glory has man or god e’er known? More even than Ragnarok, this is the battle I was born millennia ago to fight! You, too, are a warrior born, Hulk! A taste of battle and the berserker battle-lust shall rise in thy soul!”

Hulk: “I doubt it! I lost that when I gained the intelligence of my human side -- Bruce Banner! And now I’m slowly losing that, too! I’m not savage enough... or smart enough to be a relevant factor!”

Well, You Tried, Thor.

Johnny Torch is trying to cheer up Ben Grimm who is as grim as his name over his powers popping in and out as they please.

And then the rocks pop back on just as Ben is dramatically bemoaning that he can’t control them.

The Thing: “Whoopie! I’m the Thing again! I’m so happy, I even like you!”

Human Torch: “Yeow! You lummox! Put me down! Jeez, I can see the headlines -- ‘affectionate hug slays Human Torch en route to battle -- universe destroyed as a result’!’“

This book has some decent lines.

Iron Man ogles Spider-Woman under the pretense of not trusting her but then goes a little ‘I’ll show them all!’

Iron Man: “A lot of guys have worked with Iron Man before -- but that was when Tony Stark was in this suit! I think they’ve started to realize there’s a different guy in here, now... an’ they got their doubts! They’re keepin’ their distance -- don’t quite trust me yet! Don’t matter! As long as I got this armor, I’m one ba-ad dude -- especially since Richards souped it up! As soon as that fight starts, I’ll show ‘em -- show ‘em I’m Iron Man! The real Iron Man! James Rhodes is Iron Man -- now and forever!”

Rhodey pls.

Also meanwhile, because this is a long flight, Spider-Man starts hopping all around the interior of the airship overexcited because he’s just discovered that the totally benign goo suit he got has webshooters!

And he squirts Johnny in the face to prove it because that’s just how Spider-Man is sometimes.

Johnny complains that this webbing is even harder to burn than his old stuff which will turn itself into a bit of a plot hole down the line when its revealed that symbiotes are weak to fire.

Whoops.

Its fine though. Pre-modern Venom has always had sloppy writing around it.

He also demonstrates the goo suit’s ability to change shape.

I can’t believe that Marvel were cowards and never had Peter go around in the Summer Variant suit.

Reed lets himself go down a melancholic musing rabbit hole and starts poking holes in the story logic.

Mr. Fantastic: “At face value, the whole thing is absurd! Why would a being so far removed from us and so powerful as the Beyonder bring us across the universe for a stupid, simplistic ‘good-versus-evil’ gladiatorial contest? Is he a mad god? A cosmic idiot? And why us? Why this odd collection of beings, mostly from Earth? And why Galactus? He doesn’t fit! Human beings and even gods may be tempted, but Galactus is a force of nature -- no more capable of having enemies than a hurricane or an earthquake! Why is he here? There must be more to this... but what possible purpose could there be?”

Credit where its due, these are things I’ve been wondering!

But Reed is so busy pondering this that he runs the airship into the energy discharge from Galactus’ machine and crashes the ship on top of Colossus.

Smooth move, absent minded professor.

With only seconds before the world starts to burn, the Avengers, Fantastic Four, and assorted leap into battle against Galactus.

Iron Man manages to get past Galactus’ defense drones and punch his world eating engine, thanks to the upgrades done to the armor.

But now that they’re being successful, Reed interjects and tells them to stop winning so hard. Yes, really.

Mr. Fantastic: “Ben, we can’t go through with this! At last I see a purpose here -- a meaning to the universe for this insane conflict! WE MUST NOT STOP GALACTUS!’

Then Galactus effortlessly blasts the heroes away.

Which, if nothing else, gives Reed a chance to catch his breath to EXPOSIT MORE.

Mr. Fantastic: “For the first time this whole thing makes seom sense to me! I see a possible purpose in it! This is a chance to rid our universe of the threat of Galactus! All we have to do is let him win this contest! If the Beyonder indeed, grants hsi wish, he’ll be freed of his planet-consuming hunger at long last!”

The Thing: “And if the Beyonder reneges?”

Mr. Fantastic: “Re-energized by consuming this world, Galactuc will attack -- I know it! And force the Beyonder to pay up -- or be destroyed in the attempt. Any way you look at it... the universe wins! Countless billions who would have eventually fallen prey to Galactus -- will live in peace!”

Spider-Man: “Yeah, but why us? Why were we picked to decide the fate of the universe?”

Mr. Fantastic: “Why not us? We picked ourselves, remember? Besides... we beings of Earth seem to have a knack for being pivotal in the cosmic scheme of things.”

Reed, some offense but you’re the last person who should be speaking on this.

Galactus is only alive now because you had a hunch that he had some Big Important Role in the cosmic order and saved his life.

You may remember that because THE ENTIRETY OF SPACE PUT YOU ON TRIAL FOR IT.

Turning around on that because now you have a different hunch that everything will be a-okay if the Beyonder kills Galactus, is just such a classic Reed move.

Anyway, the discussion ends because Galactus raptures Reed and the entire mountaintop his machine was sitting on.

Since the suspects of Reed rapturing were Galactus or the Beyonder, its not very surprising that its Galactus forcibly inviting Reed up to his solar-system sized apartment.

What, you thought that the Beyonder would be more present in this story that it initiated? Fool.

Anyway, Galactus wants to have a friendly talk at Reed. Because Galactus is one of the few people that can talk down at Reed and he just has to sit tight and listen.

Meanwhile, over at the former Doombase, locked in a Doomcell, its Doom. Still in his catatonia OR IS IT?

Doom: “THE WORLD SHIP IS THE WAY! Galactus’s home itself is the way I seek! At last, I see!”

He activates the get-out-of-jail-free button hidden in his ankle which activates a point-singularity power supply that busts the door off his cell.

He ignores all of the other imprisoned villains to free Klaw.

Doom: “You, yourself, Klaw, are a ‘recording’ of sorts, due to the time you spent as a wave of vibratory energy coursing through the walls of Galactus’s homeworld! Come with me!”

Klaw: “Where to? Toodle-oo, toodle-oo!”

Doom: “To the lab! I’m going to dissect you!”

Klaw: “Oh, good!”

If it were anyone else that would read as sarcastic.

Its also revealed that Doom talks to himself because he is constantly recording.

Doom: “Every utterance of Doom must be recorded for posterity!”

How on-brand.

Meanwhile, back over at where the fight was, Cyclops OPTIC BLASTS out of the hole Magneto buried the X-Men in to save them from Galactus’ exploding drone.

Good job, Magneto.

Buuut. The fight is over so the X-Men just vaguely wander over to Zsaji’s village to catch up with Captain America’s group.

Zsaji wakes up from her Wasp-healing coma and runs over... right past Colossus to embrace Johnny. To make Colossus sad in the background.

But Johnny is too worried about Reed being raptured to make out with his new space girlfriend right now.

The heroes debate what to do.

Cap(tain America) wants to just stand ready until Galactus comes back and Cap(tain Marvel) suggests finding some spaceships at former Doombase and mounting an assault on Galactus’ imagination-ruiningly huge homeship.

The Thing offers the daring option of ‘hey Reed said not to fight Galactus and dangit what Reed says goes!’

He’s as bad as the Inhumans, I swear.

Reed reappears right about when Iron Man and the Thing are about to come to blows over the ‘do whatever Reed says’ plan.

The Thing: “Stretch! What happened?”

Mr. Fantastic: “Not much! We had tea...”

NOW I KNOW that Galactus likely has some robot servant or device that makes tea for him. But I can’t get the image out of my head of Galactus holding a tiny teapot and serving Reed tea.

How dare this comic cut away and let that happen off-panel!

Anyway, their big OFF-PANEL talk?

Mr. Fantastic: “He told me that I was a ‘force of the universe’ just as he is -- ! That I’m a ‘universal champion of life’ just as he is an instrument of death!”

Now. Nooooow. Champion slash Avatar of Life is a legitimate thing in Marvel, once filled by, uh, Captain Marvel. The Kree guy version. So the position is open.

I just find it easier to believe that Galactus was saying random nonsense to try to befuddle Reed into doing what Galactus wants rather than it being official.

The Avatar of Life page on marvel wiki doesn’t seem to credit it. It only has two versions of Adam Warlock, Drax, and Cancerverse Mar-Vell.

Anyway.

Mr. Fantastic: “I don’t what to say! I’m more convinced than ever that it’s right to let Galactus do what he must! And if I’m a ‘Champion of Life’ does it not make sense to allow Galactus to slay us so that countless billions will live? Or was he telling me that I must fight to serve even these relatively few lives here? I just don’t know...”

Yeeeeah. More convinced than ever that Galactus was filling Reed’s brain with cognitive chaff so to speak.

But Ben “Thing” Grimm is like ‘hey if Reed tells me I gotta die for the good of the universe then I’m ready to die so we’re not fighting unless Reed says so.’

Hawkeye: “This is a real crock! We’ve got to fight! Quitters! Cowards!”

I rarely say this but I think Hawkeye has a point.

Anyway, Galactus reappears the mountaintop, his machine, and himself to get back to snacking on the planet.

Far be it from me to tell Galactus how to ‘mortals are beneath my notice’ but maybe he’d get better results relocating his machine to the other side of the planet. Get some element of surprise, a head start.

No? Fine.

Captain America: “All right, listen up! I’m going to fight! The rest of you come or not as your conscience dictates!”

Wasp: “We’re with you, Cap!”

Captain America: “Good! But first... I just want to tell you, Professor Xavier, that despite our differences, you and your people did us -- and the universe, as far as I’m concerned -- a great service, earlier!”

Professor Xavier: “It was an honor!”

Captain America: “I hope you, the X-Men... and Magneto will come and fight side by side with us now! No one here will deny you’ve earned that much!”

Think about all the grief that could have been saved if people were willing to give Magneto the benefit of the doubt at the beginning of the story! Womp womp!

Meanwhile at Doombase (because the heroes are all off doing stuff and when the heroes are away Doom gets his base back), Doom observes the battle against Galactus starting AND that the Beyonder has cracked open his portal to watch the fight.

But more importantly, Doom cut Klaw into slices.

Back over at the heroes fighting Galactus, the heroes are fighting Galactus.

As in, directly. No drones.

Its a sign that they’re making some sort of progress.

He’s still batting them around like leaves in the wind.

But the Terrific Three show up to actually help.

Mr. Fantastic: “Galactus used enormous amounts of energy transporting his homeworld here -- and I’m sure he hasn’t fed for months! His power is almost depleted! We can take him!”

Captain America: “Richards, I -- I’m glad you’re here -- but what made you change your mind?”

Mr. Fantastic: “I... thought about what Galactus said -- and I’m still not certain that, in the cosmic scheme of things, what we’re doing is right -- but I realized just how badly I want to see my baby born, Cap! I want that more than anything -- ! And I’m going to fight for it!”

Aww.

He’s going to be waiting a long time for that baby though.

Not because of comic book time but because of intense drama reasons.

The heroes manage to reach the top of the mountain and start trashing Galactus’ machine despite Reed insisting that they ignore it and prevent Galactus from escaping.

And Galactus just animation-cell-slides-up ‘I must return to my homeworld’ style.

And as Reed explains how badly they done fucked up, Galactus takes a last look around his homeworld/spaceship. Because he doesn’t need his machine to eat planets. It just makes the process more efficient. So if the heroes are going to be annoying about him eating Battleworld, he’s just going to eat his own dang home!

Mr. Fantastic: “He’s devouring his own living world -- perhaps the greatest energy source in the universe! Moments after he’s finished, this godforsaken planet will be next! We won’t be able to stop him this time! Then he’ll probably consume the sun too! He’ll want every iota of energy available in case he must do battle with the Beyonder! We’re dead men!”

Wow. Is that the most kirby krackle we’ve ever seen?

But as Galactus converts his home into POWER COSMIC, Doom is ready with his own plan to steal that power, aided by a series of lenses he’s turned Klaw into.

As ya do?

You’ll have to tune in to the last quarter of Secret Wars to see if Doom succeeds in doing that thing that he always tries to do.

My thought is: maybe.

Follow @essential-avengers​ for the good job I’m doing with these Secret Warses. Like and reblog maybe.

[fantasticstoryteller]

New Amsterdam Chapter 54

“Hey! Kid!” Ellie warily turned. She was only slightly less wary at the identity of the person calling for her.

“Hey Wade,” she said cautiously as the costumed man bounded up towards her like an overgrown puppy.

Her first official day as a student at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters had begun with the renowned Jean Grey telling her all the reasons why Wade was dangerous; most of which Ellie had already known. He was insane—check. Sane people didn’t talk to the voices in their heads. He was violent—check. Ellie had seen that violence first hand as he severed one hand off of Juby’s father and carefully, meticulously broken every single bone in the other one before smashing everything with the heavy hilt of his gun.

But—Wade was “safe.” He was the only person that Mr. Parker had said that about. And honestly? Juby’s dad had deserved it.

“Aw, isn’t that cute? All spikes and growls like a baby hedgehog!”

And there was that. Ellie rolled her eyes at him. “What do you want?” she demanded.

He brightened. How the Hell he did that in a mask, she had no clue. “Thanks for asking! Well, first—and also last—I want Petey-Pie to love me forever and ever!”

“Ugh! I don’t need to hear about your love life!”

“You asked!”

“Why are you talking to me? Instead of, you know, sucking face with your ‘Petey-Pie’?” she asked making finger quotations around the gross name.

“Ah! You’re so cute! Yeah, just wanted to let you know that Peter’s not going to be available for a while. I’ve kidnapped him.”

Ellie stared at the man, black eyes surrounding expressive whites in his red and black suit. “Kidnapped him,” she repeated.

“Why does everybody repeat that part?” groused Wade.

Ellie stuck her hands in her pockets so as not to give into the temptation to smack him. No matter how “safe” he was, she didn’t think he’d hold back if she did anything that seemed like attacking him. “Why did you kidnap your boyfriend Wade? Wouldn’t flowers have worked better?”

“Ooo! Kinky! No, I did it to protect him. Someone with lots of money wants him dead.”

Once again Ellie stared at him, this time in shock. “Who would want to kill Mr. Parker?” she asked, confused. Sure, there were a lot of people that didn’t like the man (mostly because of his kindness towards the street kids), but she couldn't think of anyone that wanted to kill him.

“Don’t know.” Suddenly the man in front of her was very much dangerous and predator. She fought the urge to run. Predators, especially the human kind, chased the ones that ran first. The man slightly relaxed and Ellie could breathe again. “But I will find out. Just wanted to let you know that he’s not going to be available for your school thing.”

Ellie relaxed—slightly. She was always wary on the street, especially these streets. The Snipers were roaming farther and farther from their stomping grounds. “S’okay,” she said casually. “They don’t actually expect to interact with him, at least not yet. And Wolverine said you’re lucky to have a boyfriend who doesn’t even hesitate to admit when asked about your relationship.”

“Aw! Squee! Petey-Pie told Wolvie we were dating? My heart might explode into a volcano of glitter!”

“Ew,” said Ellie as she mentally pictured it. She shook her head. “Go pour some of that glitter on your boyfriend dumbass, and leave us alone.”

“Ugh! Rude! I shall take myself elsewhere.” Wade threw out a hip dramatically and sashayed away.

Ellie stared after him for just a little too long. Her arm was grabbed and she whirled—to see a uniformed officer. “Ellen Phimister?” asked the officer, kindness on her face. “We’re here to take you home.”

Home. To—that. Ellie panicked and tried to break away—but the officer’s grip was like steel. “No, no no!” cried Ellie in blind terror as she was hauled, slowly but surely, towards the car. Where she’d be taken to the station. Where she’d be held. Where she’d be turned over—

“Angel!” she screamed in panic as she tried to break free. “Angel, help me!”

The thundering wings were like a godsend as Angel dropped to the ground in front of them, wings swooping out away from her body before being tucked in neatly against her back. Angel propped her fists on her waist and looked at the scene with pursed lips. “Well, this is a conundrum.”

The officer released Ellie to grab her weapon and Ellie bolted. “What are you?” demanded the officer as she pointed the gun at Angel.

Angel shrugged. “Helpful. Friendly. Pointing out your prey has run away.”

Ellie, from her hiding spot, saw the officer glance to confirm Angel’s statement. “Ellen is a lost child whose family is looking for her,” the woman said.

Ellie bit deep into her wrist to keep from screaming. Family? They were nothing like family.

Angel snorted. “Okay. Hold up. You have a child whose reaction to being told you’re taking her home is bone deep terror, and that doesn’t throw up any warning flags at all for you?” When the officer said nothing Angel sighed. “And I thought your reputation was bad,” the older girl muttered. “Do you even have a child welfare department?”

“Of course we do!” bristled the officer.

“And they’re the ones that cleared her home, are they?” drawled Angel.

Ellie couldn't bear to hear any more. What if the officer managed to change Angel’s mind, and Angel decided that Ellie needed to go back? No, Ellie need to go. Her place. A safe place.

Her place, wedged between two buildings trapped in a constant state of renovation, may have been safe, but it wasn’t secret. Ellie didn’t know how long she’d huddled there, shivering in fear, before she heard the distinctive footsteps behind her. “Are you okay Ellie?” asked Angel, softly, gently. “Can I approach?”

“Do you mind being touched?”

Ellie remembered every time the older girl had asked, how she always moved slowly, so Ellie could avoid her if she wanted even though Ellie knew she could move much, much quicker. “You know,” she gasped in horror. She curled in on herself. She didn’t want anyone to know.

Angel quietly dropped until she was level with Ellie. “I guessed,” she said softly. “Ellie,” she said, using the name for the first time since she learned it, “it wasn’t your fault.”

Ellie gasped and choked on a sob. “You don’t know that!” she hissed viciously.

“I do.” Ellie looked up through the tears streaming down her face at Angel. The older girl looked both ancient and impossibly young at the same time. “I always know. These days.” She held out a hand, reaching for—but not touching—Ellie.

Ellie was torn. She wanted to hide, to be safe. But—but she also wanted to be comforted as a dim, almost forgotten memory insisted she had once been. A sob wrenched from her throat as she threw herself into Angel’s arms and began to cry.

“There you are,” Angel said as she hugged the child back and wrapped both of them in her wings. “Let it all out. You’ll feel better.”

Even as she cried Ellie noticed that Angel didn’t say things like, “It’s okay,” or “you’re safe now.” Angel knew better. It wasn’t okay, it had never been okay, and it was possible that Ellie wouldn't live long enough for it to be okay. And while Ellie was safe right now (she’d seen Angel heal herself almost instantly after getting shot with a bullet), Angel wouldn't be around forever. Her existence in New Amsterdam was on a timer; Ellie had seen it with her own eyes.

When Ellie got hold of herself she was mortified. Mortified that she’d broken down. Mortified that someone had witnessed her breakdown. Mortified that she’d hogged all of Angel’s attention when it was possible that there were others out there who were being hunted by Snipers. And, most of all, she was mortified that Angel was right.

She did feel better.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Speak No Evil (Part 18)

After several chapters of trying to decide which direction/ending I think would be more satisfying, I still haven't decided. So I’m going to try something super new! I’m going to have two versions of this story. I bring this up now because this is the chapter where there is a crossroads in a sense. So the next few chapters will be version one and then after I’m through with this story line I will come back to this chapter and take it in the second direction. These parts will be marked (V2) meaning ‘version 2.’  I hope that this makes sense lol.

The sun had begun to filter through the windows hours ago, spilling a pleasant and cheek-warming wash of gold over the upturned side of her face. But she remains in bed, head sunken into pillows that are so invitingly plush.

She supposes that she has earned, or at the very least, could use a day spent in bed. Or mostly spent in bed. There can’t be much harm in it, she and Zuko had come to Ember Island to relax. She has simply decided to take advantage of this rather late. She rolls onto her back and exhales. Her ankles are still throbbing lightly.

She stretches her arms and tries to prepare herself to fully wake up and rise out of bed. She could use breakfast, though at this point, it is lunchtime. She lingers for a moment in the hallway in front of the kitchen. Seicho is already awake, she probably has been for some time now.

“You don’t have to cook for me, you already did so much…” she hears Zuko mutter.

Seicho shrugs. “I like cooking, it’s a hobby.” She clearly has a lot of those, hiking, fishing, botany...it seems as though she has a new hobby for every day and she had spent a good portion of their trip going on and on about said hobbies.

“Are you sure?”

“Completely.” Seicho flashes him a grin. “But if you’d like I can show you how to perfectly cook and season a lobster!” She inhales deeply. “It already smells wonderful. The trip was fun but it’s nice to have a full kitchen of cooking supplies!”

Azula supposes that it does smell nice, especially when she adds a touch of rosemary and a sprinkle of parsley. The woman catches her eye. “You’re finally awake!”

‘More or less.’ Azula spells out. She rubs at her eyes

“Are you feeling any better?” Zuko asks.

She holds up her hands and gestures, ‘a little’.

“Good. Believe it or not, I was worried.” He pauses, “I’m still worried.”

She wonders if Seicho has told him yet of how furiously she tried to hike up that volcano. Agni, she hopes that the woman hasn’t shared anything while she was asleep. She’d much rather tell him herself, if at all. ‘Why?’

“You weren’t doing too good when you left and you came back covered in cuts and...swollen ankles.”

She shrugs, ‘I’m fine.’

She can tell that Seicho is itching to speak up. She finds herself flooded with relief. Seicho holds her tongue. She wonders how long the girl with keep holding her tongue.

‘Really. I’m fine.’ And she thinks that she is telling the truth. She doesn’t feel particularly good nor hopeful. But she doesn’t feel naggingly miserable either.

.oOo.

TyLee bunches her fists and takes a deep breath. She isn’t yet ready, but she is as ready as she can and will be. Regardless of her hesitations, she needs to do this. She needs to if she ever wants to bring her journey one step closer to full closure.

She finds Mai outside of her aunt Mura’s flower shop, pruning leaves and ruffled petals. Zuko hadn’t expelled her from the palace, as far as TyLee knows but TyLee also can’t imagine that Mai would feel particularly welcomed there.

She takes another, much deeper breath. Agni, her hands are shaking. She isn’t sure how in the name of the spirits she is going to confront Azula. She thinks of Tuya and of the rest of her expedition mates. She thinks of the words ‘clever’ and ‘innovative’. She isn’t just ‘sweet’ and ‘cute’ anymore. She isn’t just some bubbly, naive child. Well perhaps she is still bubbly and chipper but she is smart. She is strong and resilient. She can hold her own.

She will hold her own.

“Hello, Mai.”

Mai looks up from her flowers as nonchalant and unexpressive as she always has been. Maybe she could use a venture away from the Fire Nation too. Maybe everyone can use a vacation from the Fire Nation. “How was your trip to…”

“The poles.” TyLee finishes. “It was amazing. Mai you should have seen it, it was glittery and enticing and it was like the Spirit World covered our world in stars…” she is rambling again. That stupid perky rambling. “And I learned a lot about myself.”

Mai quirks a brow. “Good things?”

TyLee nods. “Yes. A lot of good things.” She pauses. “And I thought about a lot too.”

“Like what?”

“Like about how I let everyone take advantage of me. Not just Azula but Zuko did it, you did it, and even Suki did it sometimes.”

Mai opens her mouth to interrupt but she won’t stand for interjection, not this time. “I don’t even think that you guys meant to do it. Azula, sure. But not Zuko and Suki. Sometimes I think that it just happened naturally. Because I let it happen. Because I couldn’t say no.”

“You didn’t mention me…”

“Because I’m not sure about you, Mai.” She confesses. “I’ve thought about it over and over again and I still can’t tell if you actually cared about me--if you actually loved me or if you were just trying to spite Azula and Zuko.” She wonders if Mai is even sure herself. Quite possibly she thinks that Mai had been killing two iguana-parrots with one stone.

“What if I told you that it was a mix of both?”

TyLee is quiet for perhaps longer than she has ever held a silence. The question has so much weight, so many nuances to consider. “Then I would say that it still isn’t okay. I don’t want to be part of some scheme. I didn’t distance myself from Azula to become your pawn instead.”

“You weren’t just a pawn…” Mai trails off.

“I was a pawn with perks.”

Mai shakes her head, “I loved you. For real.”

“So did Azula.” TyLee points out. “But I was still a pawn. I was still being used. Don’t you think it’s a little strange that you were getting trying to get back at Azula by doing the exact same things she did?”

“Why are you defending her?”

And there it is; the trap that they always set for her. She almost didn’t catch it. “I’m not. Actually…” it dawns upon her,  “I think it’s the opposite. I’m telling you that what she did, how she use me, was wrong. And I’m saying that it doesn’t become less wrong when you do it.” She bites her lip, weary of what she is about to say. She thinks that she may have already scratched at the surface of this nagging itch in her head. “If anything it’s worse when you do it.”

For the first time in a while, Mai looks genuinely angry. Her brows crinkle and her mouth curves down ever so slightly. “How so?”

“Because you think that you’re doing it for the greater good. And you pretended like you weren’t doing it. At least Azula was trying to stop and even if she wasn’t, at least she was up front about it…”  The problem with Azula, she realizes, is habit. Habit and constant apologies with no great efforts to make a change.

“What do you want from me, TyLee?”

“I want you to admit it. I want you to acknowledge that you were using me.” She wants clear cut confirmation that she isn’t seeing things that aren’t there. That she isn’t making an issue of nothing at all. She needs to know. “I need you to see that it...it really messed with me, Mai. To have so many people--to have the people I loved the most use me over and over again.” She attempts to blink away a few tears.

Mai’s expression softens and she rubs her hands over her face. “I did it okay. I loved you but I used you. I was mad at Zuko. Azula is the worst person I’ve ever met. And You’re one of the best. It was perfect; they’d both get hurt and I’d...we’d be happy.”

TyLee shakes her head. “You’d be happy. I want to be loved, Mai. I want to be loved completely with no ulterior motives.” And it comes to her that she can be.

“So what are you going to do, TyLee? Cut us all out.”

She doesn’t want to. She’d love to keep talking to Mai and Zuko, and even Azula, if only in moderation. “If I have to. Don’t make me have to.”

.oOo.

“No, no, like this!” Seicho takes her by the wrist and guides her hand.

‘Is there really an exact method of sprinkling salt on sizzle-crisps?’ Azula asks.

“There’s a particular way of arranging the dish too once the salt and spices are added. Personally I like to arrange my fruit slices and salad leaves to make pretty pictures…”

‘You like to play with your food.’

“It’s an art, princess! Culinary art. An undervalued art, if you ask me!” She pauses. “If you want, you can put the parchment aside and spell words out with fruit slices or sprinkle tyme to make letters.”

‘No thanks.’ She writes as Zuko grumbles, “and dirty our counters? We don’t have servants here so I’ll be the one cleaing the mess.”

“Azula can help!”

‘Azula won’t help.’ Cleaning is beneath her. Getting her hands dirty to knead dough and toss flour was a task better suited for serving personnel. She still isn’t sure why she has rolled out and flattened so many circles of dough. She gestures to them, ‘what for?’

“We’re going to wrap the sizzle-crisps in them, of course.” Seicho smiles.

Azula blinks.

“What kind of abomination are you having us make?” Zuko throws his hands up, kicking up a cloud of flour.

‘An affront to taste buds all over the Fire Nation. We ought to have you banished.’

“Don’t banish me until after you try it.” Seicho declares.

Azula picks up one of the sizzle-crisps and wraps it up in a blanket of dough. She supposes enduring the woman’s terrible cuisine creative process is the least that she can do.

.oOo.

Azula has grown unresponsive again. Seicho doesn’t think that her cooking innovations were that horrid. In fact Zuko quite openly enjoyed her wrapped sizzle-crisps and she could swear that Azula was only pretending not to.

“What’s wrong?” She finally asks.

‘Just thinking…’

With Azula this can mean anything really. Usually it isn’t anything good. Usually when Azula thinks, she thinks too much and she ends up crying either openly or privately. “About what?”

‘My voice.’ She hovers the brush over the parchment as if to add something more. She eventually retracts it.

“What about it?”

‘I want it back.’

Seicho nods. She could imagine. Reflexively she touches her fingers to the woman’s lips. Azula curls her fingers around her wrist. She expects to be swatted away but the princess simply holds her hand in place.

She shifts and turns back to her parchment. ‘Do you want to help me find the spirit and get it back?’ She quickly scrawls, ‘truthfully this time. I actually want to look.’

“Yeah, we can do that and maybe this time our brothers can tag along. I really want you to meet Zhang-Zin.”

Azula nods, ‘I suppose.’

Seicho grins. How exciting it will be to go on a real adventure with her. One with a genuine goal. One where they can truly get to know each other. “Great! I was thinking that we can take a little break first. Maybe go to the beach or a party and then we can start planning our next trip.”

‘The beach sounds…pleasant enough.’

She springs off of the bed. “Tomorrow, we can go shell hunting tomorrow and I can show you this tidal pool with these spiny urchins.” Her head is abuzz with idea after idea. Bits and snippets of things that might make Azula feel lively again. And this time she is optimistic that it might just work.

[ldyinblckmsk]

Pairing: Todoroki Shouto X GN! Reader

Genre: Angst

Words: 1k

A/N: Hey guys! welp this is my first time finishing a story. Yep, I'm a sucker for angst. I have so many plots in mind and all of them were just sleeping in my drafts ugh. This may not be a good one but I'm quite proud of myself for writing this one. I hope this gets attention ohmygod. Enjoy!

I wanted to make ya'll cry, so listen with this song.

----------------------------------------------

Everything is a blur. You were just outside of your house, sitting at the floor in your front porch with another can of beer on your hand. Crumbs of chips are everwhere on the floor together with five cans of beer that was making a mess. The cold breeze of the night makes you shiver and the alcohol isn't enough to warm you. It's not like you don't want to go inside your house. You just can't.

Because today seems like the devil is casting you a curse with ridiculous bad lucks you encountered, enjoying your torments as you make fool of yourself. Burning your liver with the bitter concoction as your mind wandering to the sole reason why you were out of yourself lately.

You didn't even know how you end up with a cellphone in your hand, dialing a familiar number as you squint your eyes trying to clear your vision. You found yourself laughing as you tried to copy the ringing of your phone while waiting for him to pick up.

Todoroki is surprised when he saw your number on the screen. He thought that you already deleted his contact when the two of you called it off last month. Confused as to why you're calling him at 3 AM, he picked up his phone, eyes still adjusting in the dark.

"Hello?"

On the third ring, you nearly jumped when you heard his calm and deep voice, excitement course through every veins in your body. His groggy voice gave away that you woke him up. Heart beating than the usual rhythm against your rib cage, you exhaled the air you didn't know you were holding before you speak.

"Hey!" You cringed when you heard your voice rising its pitch. Oh shit, that sounds like a mouse that had been caught in a trap!

"I'm glad you picked up, Shou." You giggled at the cute nickname, slurring some words that gives him a hint that you're drinking. You're drunk to the point that you're doing things that you'll regret when you wake up. "I thought you're not going to answer me hmp." You pout, your cringey childish self showing up.

"Y/n?" He's confused, checking his phone if it's really your number who called him and not some teenager's prank.

"It's already late. Why are you still up?" His concerned voice makes your heart clench.

"I want your hugs right now, Shou."

"Hey, did something happened? Are you okay?" You shushed him, shaking your head. "I'm fine. I just wanted to tell you that I missed you and I'm sorry."

"I missed our lazy date nights. I missed your cuddles. I missed the smell of your cologne. I missed how you ruffles my hair while you placed a kiss on my forehead. I missed wearing your hoodies..."

You let your drunken self take over you allowing yourself to verbalize all your true feelings you've been hiding.

"I missed you, love." You bitterly smiled at the endearment you used. It brings back thousands of memories you didn't want to forget but you didn't want to also remember either. It's just there locked in a box somewhere in your heart but you're conversation with him released all of it. And every single of them pricked your heart like needles.

The bi-colored hair man didn't know what to say. Hell, he can't even think properly. You're drunk and you're telling him your sober thoughts. He thought you're completely over with him, seeing you smiling while you're hanging out with your friends like nothing happened broke him apart. And yet here you are confessing to him.

"C-can I go see you?"

"No." You were taken aback with his immediate reply. Nodding to yourself as you let out a chuckle. You're proud to yourself that you're still not crying, always so good at hiding your emotions.

"It's late, go to sleep." His voice is cold and distant. But you didn't let it affect you as you shoot your shot again.

"I-I'll bring lots of your favorite soba. Cold ones are always perfect, right? Just wait, I'll get a ta—" He cuts you off. You heard a painful sigh from the other line.

"Y/n, We...already broke up." Hearing those words makes the alcohol in your body immediately disappear. With those sentence, you instantly sober up. "We broke up. Month ago."

He repeated like he's trying to make you remember it. It was just a misunderstanding. He's aloof and oblivious personality didn't understand your outbursts. You did trust him but his constant hanging out with Momo riled up your insecurities. And funny how they are a couple now.

"Yeah and I'm wasted." You chuckled as you began to cry, quietly, biting the inside of your cheeks while trying to control your emotions.

"Don't come here. You need to sleep. Drink lots of water when you wake up. We'll talk tomorrow–"

You cut him off before he hangs up, hands fiddling the hem of your shirt. "You know... it's been a rough day. Everyone's being mean to me."

Silence answers you but you still continue ranting to him. "I nearly got fired for standing up for myself when a customer throws her coffee on me because I accidentally messed up her order. T-then, I-I lost my fucking keys and it's cold."

"I lost the keys of my house."

You're having a hard time controlling your emotions now as you complained to him like a whiny child. Tears slowly cascading down your cheeks while you let out sobs.

"It's cold, Shou. I'm cold. And everything hurts. I wish you were here right now but, yeah, we already broke up." You didn't let him talk. "Just so you know I'm happy for you even if it's her."

"I'm right. Momo's better for you."

You were just sitting there, at the corner of your front porch. Deeps uncontrollable sobs squeezed your lungs. Your phone long forgotten as it slips from your hand and met the cold floor while you completely breaks down. You hugged your knees tightly burrying your head, serving as your emotional support now.

Pretending that you're already moved on from your heart ache. Smiling and fooling yourself that you didn't want him anymore. Saying you're fine when you found out that he's recently dating Momo.

All the pent up emotions you've been keeping from showing explodes like a burning magma finding its way out of the volcano. The cold air hits you again and this makes you grieve louder while shivering at the sudden drop of temperature.

Bullshit.

Out of your shrieks of anguish, clock hitting another hour you spent outside, phone still light up with your ongoing call with him, wind hitting your pitiful state, slowly and smoothly, tiny crystals glowing when lights hit it just right–snow descends from the sky.

"Fucking keys," you cursed. Eyes already heavy as Hypnos cradles you to sleep.

[smartzelda]

For whatever reason, I kept on forgetting to mention that I finally got to watch Promare like a few weeks ago, and I finally understand

And I'm into Galolio now, unsurprisingly😔👌

And I feel the small need to just throw my thoughts on Galolio out there just because I mean, you could go that the ending didn't really confirm any romances, but like

It did sorta strengthen Galolio and I feel that it's canon even though it was never explicitly said

Galo is like, a good character, and he immediately fit one half of my ship tendencies. In other words, he's maybe a overconfident idiot, but he has the power and skill to back it all up. He's usually pretty positive and fired up. He is also our favorite himbo man

Lio too started filling up the other half of my ship tendencies pretty immediately. He starts out coming across as prideful, confident, cool, and even an overdramatic guy aesthetically. Then later on we come to see how protective he is of his "family" and how much he really cares, the lengths he would go. He is also a twink

Then, by the end Lio and Galo have this relationship where they fight together as equals. They trust each other and can fight in tandem. They actually care for each other. They also have that good relationship banter too where Lio goes like "You're such an idiot" with a smile in true "I tease you but my expression says I care for you" fashion, and Galo just owns it. Yeah, he's an idiot, but he's the world's number one firefighting idiot!

In terms of moments, I like the relationships and banter between the members of burning rescue.

Though, regardless of what sexuality you headcanon Galo is, I like how there's a scene that may not mean he's not interested in girls, but probably does indicate he's not into any girls during this time. I thought it was nice that Aina, as his friend, came after him to make sure he was fine and wasn't going to do anything rash. Though, I found myself surprised, because during that ice skating scene, she starts to fall and Galo catches her, and they end up in one of those cliche poses where you'd expect them to kiss. And Galo does start to lean down and Aina does prepare for the kiss. I was just surprised when it turned out Galo hadn't even thought of kissing her. Rather he was leaning in to get a better look at the reflection of Lio in the ice he saw. Then he leaves to go find Lio and retrieve him since he broke out.

Then there's when Galo can finally escape from his cell and Lio has made it alive, using his power that grew after he landed in the volcano to form a fire dragon around himself to go after Kray. It's at this point that Galo is sympathetic, and he doesn't go after the burnish anymore cause now he understands more of the injustice and what his government does to them, but he still has his goal and duty to put out all fires. He's against Kray, but he's not about to let Lio put the city on fire either. And even when Lio and Galo finally become friends, Galo holds onto his duty. It's just nice that Galo can take care of and protect his new friends too while still deciding to hold true to his ideals

Then when Galo, Lio, and Aina meet the data version of Prometh and Galo and Lio pilot a mech together against Kray. During this battle they get gradually more in tandem and they work together very well. They kinda get this whole yin and yang symbolism going when Galo holds to his ideals of keeping people safe and putting out fires while Lio fights with fire, and Galo puts his buring firefighter heart together with Lio's heart that has the desire to burn. As they remodle their mech using Lio's fire, by the end, it is a nice combination of Galo's mech style and Lio's armor style. There's also just a good moment where Lio takes a short break to melt the ice off Galo so they can go back to fighting, and he does it with care

Then when Kray captures Lio and Lio sends his fire to protect Galo. It's such a good moment when Galo gets up and looks out where Lio is, captured, and talks about how Lio protected him. Galo just holds Lio's fire in his hand.

But then interestingly, earlier in the movie when Lio used the mouth to mouth thing to save a burnish girl from dying, it didn't work and she slowly faded away. But when Galo finally came across Lio, parts of Lio's body had already faded away. He was about to die. And without hesitation, Galo put Lio's fire in his mouth to do the technique. This kiss is focused on for a good moment. And Galo manages to save a nearly completely gone Lio. And then after Lio is alive, saved by Galo, Galo isn't even phased by the fact he kissed a guy. He only jumps back to go "I can't believe you made me start a fire!"

And then, like, Lio and Galo join together, putting together Galo's burning passion to stop fires and the urge in Lio's heart to burn, and they're used as the base as all the burnish put their fire into it. Galo's passion protects the people of Earth as Lio's passion and all the burnish added with make the fire grow and reach to the center of the Earth's core, and together they save Earth and extinguish the link between Earth and the Promare.

And then there's just the end when the burnish have lost their powers and there's cleanup on the Earth to do, and Galo just goes to Lio to be like "you're helping too, and I will personally fight anyone who insults you and your crew". They stand together, far away from everyone in the light of the sun and Galo tells him he'll be there for Lio through spark and flame. And then Lio looks at him smiling and goes like "You really are an idiot"

And Galo goes "Yeah, the world's number one firefighting idiot" and they fistbump and it's framed with the sun set directly behind, shining through and around their fistbump

They're partners. They're boyfriends. I take no criticism.

[cherrysweather]

hi :D! can I request scenario (or headcanon if easier) of apollo asking out the reader? Maybe the whole office is tired of them not asking each other out after having to deal with their tension. And I love your blog by the way! Sorry for my English :,P

Hi Anon uwu I see that you’re all thirsty with Apollo around here XD I actually find scenarios easier, but I’m so slow with them- So, sorry for the long wait (almost a month, I’m sO SORRY), but here it is uwu (Hope you’ll like it <3) -------------------------------

Apollo Justice asking you out:

The trial ended but Apollo almost lost the case because of the distraction that has afflicted him for days now

“WHAT. IS. YOUR. PROBLEM?!?!” Athena shook his shoulders with tears in her eyes "I’ve felt the heart in my throat more than once today! What do you have these days?!" She was stopped by Apollo, trying to calm himself down.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you feel like that, I don’t know what’s up wit-” He was interrupted by the noise of the hall’s doors opening.

“Next time you should take something to concentrate and calm yourself down Apollo; otherwise, who will give a lead to them?” He sighed looking at the figure at his side; the one who’s messing Apollo’s head.

“Instead! The way he solved this case really thrilled me, congratulations!” As they smiled, the red-suited lawyer’s face became as red as his clothes

“I-I didn’t do anything special, I only did what I had to” He rushed out the tribunal, hiding his face and starting to return to the office with his feet to ignore the annoying voices of those around him.

For some days, Apollo decided not to take any case to be sure not to do more damage like last time. During this break time he made up his mind; he tried to understand what was wrong with him, slowly understanding that the “what” was, in reality, a “who”. It’s been less than a year since their new colleague joined the agency as an apprentice and recently, even if he knew it, something within prevented him from taking that step forward that would make him make peace with himself; probably because of his inexperience or the fear of being rejected.

“Listen. Go to them with some flowers or any kind of gift you think they may like and tell them! Or... you can take them out for dinner! A date at the beach? Go watch a film with them!” Asking advice to Athena was the worst idea possible.

Apollo started to help them with the preparations for their first case, taking advantage of it to learn to know them better and to gain some confidence in speaking with them. “To understand if a witness is lying, you must learn even just the basics of the art of bluffing! With that, you can also confuse momentarily the accusation and gain time to better reflect if, in the end, the objection leads you to nothing” Whenever he talks about his work, he became so excited with anyone he talks to.

“Ok! So, I must confuse the court if I have some doubts on my argument” They took notes on his advice like a real student.

“W-Well, maybe not the whole court”.

In the end, Athena came with them in court to help with her psychological skills.

“Remember, you’re fine! You and Athena will do great in there!” Phoenix had already taken them away from those two screaming eagles, patting on their shoulders to support them as they entered the courtroom.

“Athena was thinking of going out to dinner together when the verdict will be given and she specifically said that you can’t miss it; you’ll have your chance of asking “your distraction” to go out with you”

Apollo had to contain himself since they were among the public, but he was so close to throwing something to Athena. Even if the last days he finally gained the courage and confidence to talk freely with them, he still had problems with his emotions towards them. Someone will probably die that night.

At the end of the trial, luckily, the verdict was given and also thanks to Athena’s help, it was a “Not Guilty” one.

So, It’s dinner time! The happiness in Athena’s face is adorable. The fear, anxiety, and stomach cramps from the nervous were witnessed by the greenish face of Apollo. Phoenix had to sit between the two to prevent Apollo from stabbing Athena as a revenge for this

“Come on Polly! It will be fun” Athena tried to reassure him, but his head was completely somewhere else, trying to figure out where he was, why he was there and how he got there.

“So.. How I did today? I followed all the tips Apollo gave me last days” Luckily someone broke the silence and as soon as Apollo heard his name, he came back to the real world, remembering everything and feeling the impulse to answer that phrase with the first positive words that came to his mind.

“O-Of course you did great even if the case was simple”

“Don’t mind him, he’s saying things like that just because, with you, he’s the only one who didn’t have a simple case in the agency, not to minimize your efforts” Athena was playing the role of that friend who helps you whenever you say or do something questionable

“...I didn’t mean that”

“W-Well, even if it wasn’t simple, the ability and the courage both Apollo and Mr. Wright had to frame someone like Kristoph Gavin, made that case iconic for beginners like me; it showed all the knowled-”

“Wow, looks like Apollo has a new fan!” As Athena spoke, the faces of the two interested turned red, which made Apollo not so distant from a living version of a painting by Picasso since he already was green.

“I-I’m not! I mean, I have no preference since you’re all talented lawyers in this agency an-”

“Oh god, can you all please eat before it became ice?” Thanks, Phoenix.

During all the dinner, those two stole glances to each other, adding more red tones on their faces whenever their eyes met. Between laughter and stories of the previous cases, the evening flew away and those two weren’t going to step away easily from each other; after they started to speak like normal people, nothing and no one dared to stop them, so they continued to talk even out the restaurant.

“So, I heard that Apollo is such a gentleman that he proposed to bring you back home; am I right?”

“I didn’t say nothing but, if both of them have a heavy butt, it is my pleasure to drive you back home even if the back seat of my bicycle isn’t the most comfortable thing in the world” He tried to act cool, but inside he was panicking, hoping for a yes.

“It’s ok for me, the important is that is ok for you Apollo”

“I’ll never forgive myself if something happens to you so, get on” As they left, also Phoenix and Athena got their way home on Phoenix’s bicycle. Apollo opened his mouth only to ask indications for their home, using the remaining time to think about how to vocalize what he felt to finally free himself from this burden.

“It’s this one, you can stop” They got off and took their stuff “Thank you so much for giving me a ride” That last tired smile they painted on their lips, killed him. So much that he couldn’t answer their thanks. “I-I wanted to say something to you but... I guess you’re tired too, so don’t worry, I’ll tell you tomorrow at the office” They hoped for an answer, but all they could see was an ice statue of Apollo “G-Goodnight then”. As they walked toward the door, something waked him up 

“W-WAit!” He fell on the ground with the bicycle, getting up and going toward them at the speed of light, almost bumping into them.

“W-What is i-”

“Wait! I-I have to tell you something too, it is now or never, and if I don’t do it I’ll probably die” He tried to catch his breath, but his heart wouldn’t stop beating like a drum.

“Tell me everything, I’m here” They tried to calm him even if they probably were more worried than him, gently patting on his shoulders to reassure him.

“Just, please don’t think I’m some kind of dumbass for acting like this” he gently took their hands in his, looking down to avoid more embarrassment. “I like you. I liked you since the day I saw you for the first time but I only started to understand and accept it some months ago and, these months I could felt that something was happening inside me since I was always distracted, thinking about you, so I was thinking if you wanted to go somewhere together if you wan-” As he looked up, he saw two big teary eyes in front of him, feeling his heart collapse for a moment  “Hey! Why are you crying? You can also say no to me, I won’t feel offended or anything, p-please don’t cry!” He squeezed their hands trying to understand what he did wrong to make them feel like that, but their only response was a tight hug for him.

Their head rested on his chest and they freed their hands from his to bring them on his back, holding his jacket with all of their strength. “This is exactly what I wanted to tell you but, you’ve been braver than me I guess” They smiled to reassure him they were in the best mood of their entire life “Of course we can go somewhere together, I would love that too” They wiped the tears away from their eyes, looking at him to have answers

“Y-You would? Really??” You could see smoke coming out of both his ears and head from how heat he was emanating at that moment “I-I mean, I’m perfectly fine with that” He also smiled, feeling a lot lighter inside, but trembling with emotions on the outside.

They took the situation in her hands, literally, taking his face with them and pushing it towards them to reach his lips with theirs.

WARNING WARNING WARNING

A volcano is about to erupt

It took him around two minutes of small kisses to calm himself down, feeling happiness instead of fear and embarrassment in every spot of his body. “S-So-”

“Don’t say anything, we’ll talk about it tomorrow” They probably wanted to kill him

“T-Tomorrow?”

“It’s late and we need to be at the office on time tomorrow” They cuddled his cheeks, laughing at his mortified face 

“I guess you’re right. We also need to be efficient tomorrow, I should go” Hesitating, he freed their hands and turned towards the bicycle, still on the ground, to lift it.

“Thanks for today, from the trial to now and also for the days when you taught me everything I needed to know to win”

“I just did what I had to” He got on the bicycle again and turned back to wave his hand at them before the road for home.

“'Night and please be careful on the street! Love you!” They was just trying to mess up with him, and it worked since Apollo fell again from the bicycle for the sudden attack to the heart.

“A-Apollo!” Someone must save that poor boy for good this time.

Please. 

[justasparkwritings]

May: TinyDoubt

Previous: April’s The Wild Lillies 

Pairing: None

Genre: Creative Angst

Rating: PG13 

Word Count: 1.5K

Warnings: Swearing! 

Summary: Creative block is alive and well as you stare at the figurines in  front of you, your only comfort? The voice in your head challenging you to soldier on. 

Notes: I tried to channel my deep deep writers block for this. Do I hate it? Maybe. Do I feel all those things about my writing? Oh absolute. Is that inner voice how I talk to myself? You bet it is. Is the title so good? Yes, yes it is. 

Paintbrush

Sculpting clay

Carving tools

Dry hands

Paint under fingernails

Hair swept back

Slick drying on cheeks

Shoulder’s tense

         Should’ve sprung for the expensive chair, the one that holds my legs back and supports my core.

       It isn’t too late, I could still spring for it after this batch sells… if I sell it.

       I sigh, glancing at the clock, 5 minutes to midnight. How long have I been sitting here? When was the last time I ate or drank anything? Too long. I’ll feel it tomorrow, the ache in my joints, the exhaustion in my body, limbs sore, eyes worn out, all craving nourishment and rest.

       Gently, I place the figurine on the clean expanse of my drying rack. Thin and leucite, it supports the variety of creations I’ve been making, each in a different state of disarray. None have ended up being perfect, none are worthy of completing, except maybe, just maybe, this one.

       Standing perfectly still at 3inches, somehow, in the bright light of my desk lamp, magnifying lens on its second highest setting, I had perfectly sculpted the manicured swoop of hair. Each strand carved delicately, the part off center, the lingering hair nearly over the left eye, all made from modeling clay. It had taken days to perfect the lift, the arching bow from one side. In its naked form, it looks immaculate. But I know I can only succeed if the coloring is perfect, if the glasses I made, labored over, filling with resin in raspberry pink, fit properly over the new ears I carved days ago.

       Ears were always the easy part, a simple structure on the head, never taking more than a pin-head size of clay. Noses too, tiny and dainty drops, always done in the middle of creation.

        Staring at this latest iteration, I can’t help but wonder if this is worth it. Meticulously drawing every line, breaking my back mixing yellows to get the golden shade and all the highlights, not to mention the truly painstaking part of it all, hands. Is it worth it, the weeks spent making this tiny, tiny creation, only to deem it unworthy, and left incomplete?

        Yes.

        Yes, it is.

       It’s always worth it, despite what the odds tell me. There’s always that voice in my head, telling me that not only is my skill appreciated, but worth something. The last set sold for five times the asking price. This set could double, triple that… Maybe if it did well enough, I could transition to this, full time. Though the thought of working on perfecting miniatures for 12 hours a day sounds quite possibly like hell.  

        This isn’t hell, or horrible, you’re too hard on yourself.

        The voice in my head tells me. Laughing, I counter that statement. “I am not, they’re all shit,”

        They are not.

        “I should’ve stuck with wood carving,” I grumble.

        You cut yourself pretty badly the last time-

        “I know I did!” 

       I can’t tell if I’ve fully lost it, or if this conversation is going to lead to a creative breakthrough. Though based on my running internal monologue, which yes is voiced by Nicole Byer, I am due for a serious heart-to-mind pep talk. It’s not that I haven’t scolded myself recently, or lamented about how completely incompetent I am, how horrific my work is, or how I am wasting my youth sitting at a cramped desk with coffee I’ve reheated four times. I haven’t had the full ‘this is meaningless, stop wasting your time perfecting the shades of blonde on this plastic and clay figurine and go figure out the next steps in your career’ in at least three weeks. I suppose, staring at these in complete monstrosities, that a conversation with myself regarding what I’m doing is far more enjoyable than listening to my father droll on about how I am in command of my destiny.

        Because I’m not in control.  If I was, I wouldn’t be sitting here making TinyTan figurines, crying when the paint dries a different color than my swatches or weeping when a miniature dot of adhesive gets stuck on the outside of the clay and chars the entire piece in the oven.

        So I’m not in charge of my fate.

        You make your own luck.

        “Alright, I didnn’t ask you.”

        Who did you ask then? Jimin? Yoongi? Oh wait, they don’t have mouths and they’re made of plastic!

        “See, they don’t have mouths because they fucking suck and I should give up.”

        They’re probably better than you think, you’re just too close to it.  

        “I think that’s actually incorrect and there is nothing wrong with how close I am to these figures,”

        You are though

        “What do you suppose I do? Capture their souls? Summon them with a knock off The Power of Seven Will Set Me Free, while I hold their tiny little plastic hands?” I throw the ball of clay I’ve been rolling onto the table, the small glob sticking to the side of a larger block I had been carving from.  

        Do you always have to be so difficult?

        “You’re inside my brain! You know how creatively frustrated I am! And you know how absolutely fucking bitchy I get when I’m upset!”  

        Why are you frustrated?

        I groan, standing up from my chair and walking to the kitchen sink. The hot water scalds my dry hands, melting the clay and paint off, the extra judicial scrubbing peeling back layers of grime I’d let build in the last 10 hours.

        Why are you so frustrated? Is it because you aren’t good enough? Are you scared it’s going to be your senior year showcase again, where that girls sister didn’t understand you collage and made snarky comments?

        I dry my hands, unwilling to answer the questions my mind was asking.

        If you don’t talk about it you’ll blow up like a volcano…

        “Because! Fuck, because I can’t get any of this right. I just got the hair done, and that’s taken me two weeks. All I’m doing is chipping away, carving away, fucking up and starting again. When I’m not working on it, all I’m doing is thinking about it. They haunt me in my sleep, their little round bellies body rolling to Mic Drop, trying to get me to eat the mini quiches they’ve carved their initials in. My life is consumed by these tiny fucking figures and it’s making me absolutely hate them.”

        Hate them?

        “Whoever decided TinyTan needed to be a thing,”

        Shouldn’t you be mad at whoever told you to create your own versions of them?

        “Oh, so you want me to be mad at myself? Aren’t I already?”

        Okay, point made.

        “I just stare at them, their little body parts, heads on a platter like the Addams Family.. Everything I make is ugly, everything I make isn’t good enough. Every curve, every cut… garbage.”

        Do you want to quit?

        “Give up on my project?”

        Yeah, say fuck it, toss them out, never come back to them.

        “I, should’ve gotten into doll houses,”

       Why?

       “They’re easier, the rules aren’t as rigid, it’s an interpretation and you can do that 1000 different ways,”

       So quit, move to doll houses, sell all your tools. But, answer this, what happens when you get upset or frustrated making doll houses?

       I sigh. “I don’t quit craft projects.”

       … didn’t you just say you wanted to?

       “I don’t quit crafts. Relationships and friendships, that’s another story. But art?”

        Then why are you bitching?

        “I just,” I sigh, slumping into my couch. “If I finish them, and they don’t turn out, what kind of artist will I be? What does that say about my craft? My ‘talent’?”

        What kind of artist do you want to be?

        “This Socratic method is really fucking annoying.”

        I’m your mind, stop doing it if it bugs you so much

        “I just, what does it say about me if they aren’t any good?”

       I’m not sure it says anything about you as a person.

       “Me as an artist?”

       I don’t know if we can answer that.

       “Maybe you’re right,”

        About?

        “Maybe I just, I’m too hard on myself. A set of figurines isn’t going to break my hobby… even if it’s broken my spirit,”

        If it’s broken your spirit, why keep doing it?

        “I love the finished product, but I love the process more,”

        Then keep going.

        The thing about the voice inside my head is that no matter how hard I try to lie to it, it always knows. It always comes back with wisdom and truth, shining a light on exactly what I’ve been trying to avoid.

        “Tonight?”

        No bitch, you need sleep. TinyTan will be there tomorrow.

        “Is this when we sing Zero O’Clock while we brush our teeth?”

        Only if you want to.

        I rise from my couch, slipping my apron off, putting it on my crafting chair and clear my throat.

       “Oo- and you’re gonna be happy,” I sing as I move through my apartment, miniatures drying, waiting for another day of scraping, molding and painting, my broken spirit stitching itself back together as the clock resets. 

Next: June Pride

[losingmymindtonight]

AN: I’ve been playing around with this little scene in my head for a few weeks, and I decided to write it just to get it out of my brain. As per usual, set post-Endgame but Tony’s alive because I said so.

--

It was late. There was a half moon shining in through the window, casting the only light into the cabin’s living room. It had been out earlier, too, ghosting against the cloudless blue sky long before sunset. Peter had made a face when he’d seen it, had glanced over to Tony with mischief in his eyes and made a quip about how disconcerting it was to see things in places where they didn’t belong.

Like volcanoes in oceans, he supposed. Like the moon in daytime. Like a Stark as a father.

Pepper and Morgan had retreated to bed hours ago, unblemished by war and bloodshed and the insomnia that came with it. Peter, on the other hand, was curled into his chest, breathing life into darkness.

Neither of them had spoken for a long, long time. But when Peter shifted, fingers brushing more firmly against his side, Tony anticipated his voice a good few seconds before it finally came.

“What was it like?” Peter asked, the silence parting around his words like rippling water.

He didn’t shift, didn’t pull his gaze away from the moon in the window. The atmosphere was too peaceful for that. He didn’t want to break whatever spell had fallen over the room. It felt sinful to do that. It felt unclean.

“What was what like?” He murmured, fingers smoothing through Peter’s hair.

“The five years.”

His eyes snapped down to Peter, previous reverence forgotten. He assumed that he must look incredibly inelegant: craning his neck until his chin hit his chest, eyes wide, staring down the child laying half on top of him.

Peter didn’t move an inch. If he sensed Tony’s sudden alarm, he didn’t acknowledge it. His eyes stayed shut, expression peaceful, relaxed.

Like he hadn’t just forced Tony to reconcile with the most complicated period of his life.

What were those five years like? He wished he could tell Peter that they had been agony, that he’d spent every second of his days mourning his loss. It’s what he would’ve done, what he had wanted to do, if Pepper hadn’t pressed that positive pregnancy test into his hands.

There had been a desperate hope on her face when she’d done it: something wild and primal. She’d needed him, he’d realized. Needed him to step up, to provide, to fill the shoes that fathers were expected to fill. She was terrified that he was going to abandon her, that he would be swept away on a wave of grief, never to return.

That she would have to raise their child without him.

He couldn’t do that to her, no matter what his misery had wanted. And once Morgan had arrived, a precious bundle of midnight wails and morning giggles, he’d loathed the idea of raising his little girl in a house swallowed up by a perpetual wake.

It had taken time, but he’d moved on. He’d lived. Or, at the very least, he’d moved on as much as a man who’d lost a child could.

“I missed you,” he whispered, because it was true. He had missed Peter. Even as the immediate agony had dulled, there had always been a piece of him missing Peter.

“Rhodey said that you did better than he thought you would.”

There was a hint of accusation in the words, an undercurrent of hurt that Tony could understand, could relate to. Of course Peter would resent coming back to a world that had left him behind. The kid was good, he was kind, but he was still human. There was a piece of everyone that hoped, no matter how cruelly, that their death would leave irreparable damage. That they would be a tragedy that left no hope of recovery.

He understood.

“I had to,” he said slowly. “I had Morgan.”

“Yeah,” Peter breathed. “Morgan.”

“She was an accident, you know,” he blurted.

The kid’s eyes snapped open at that, head jerking up so their gazes could meet. There was confusion on Peter’s face, but there was hope, too. A tentative need for more.

“What do you mean?”

He had to get this right. He had to. Morgan would’ve been a hard enough addition for Peter to conceptualize in an ideal scenario, and this was anything but.

The kid hadn’t seen any of the in-between. Hadn’t seen Tony mourn, hadn’t seen how hard he’d sobbed when May had first held Morgan in her arms, looked up to him and said oh, Tony, he would’ve adored her in a voice that sounded like breaking. He didn’t know that, at playgroups, he’d get asked is this your only child? and immediately respond with no, I have two kids, actually, one just Vanished and watch the understanding pour over the other parents’ faces.

Peter didn’t know any of these things, but Tony could tell him.

“Morgan was an accident,” he repeated. “We... We didn’t plan her. Did I ever tell you that before?”

“No.”

“Well, I didn’t. Plan her, I mean. We didn’t.” He took a breath. “When I got back to Earth, I told Pepper that I didn’t want another kid. And then I... well, I really didn’t do well for those first few months. Spent all my time in the lab trying to figure out a way to reverse the Snap, to find a way to fix it. It was a dead end, of course. There wasn’t a way, not before Scott came back and gave me what I needed to invent time travel, but none of that mattered to me then. I felt like if I stopped working, I was giving up on you. And I just... I couldn’t face that.”

“Tony...”

“Shh, the adult is talking.” The phantom smile flashed across Peter’s face at the familiar line, and it gave him the propulsion to keep going, the necessary incentive to keep blindly groping for the right words. “When Pepper told me she was pregnant, I thought I was going to throw up.”

He could see amusement crash into the insecurity in Peter’s eyes, unbalanced and cliff-edge. “Did you?”

“No. Had a panic attack, though. Locked myself in the lab for a couple of days, although I didn’t actually work on anything. I stayed in there long enough to realize that I had to get up. I had to keep going. I didn’t have a choice, not anymore, not when there was a child waiting for me to get my shit together. You wouldn’t have wanted me to abandon my life, and I knew that, even if I wasn’t ready to admit it yet.”

“Of course I wouldn’t’ve,” Peter whispered, and he seemed to take some comfort in saying it, as if that fact lifted some of the guilt.

Tony knew that, above all else, the kid felt guilty. He felt guilty about dying, felt guilty about being so angry at the world for moving on while he was gone. It was a tremendous weight to bear. Too much, Tony thought, for someone so young.

Then again, Peter seemed to be the poster child for taking on responsibilities that were meant to be years ahead of him.

“There we go then,” he murmured, dropping his head back onto the arm of the couch, then pausing.

The conversation didn’t feel done. It didn’t feel complete. It was a subtlety that he might’ve let slide five years ago, but not now.

“Peter,” he picked his head back up, set two fingers under the kid’s chin and made sure that their eyes met again, “Morgan’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

More hurt. Tony hadn’t even realized how much these thoughts had been weighing on Peter until now, how over-full his brain must’ve felt with them.

The kid swallowed, nodding almost imperceptibly. Tony might’ve missed the movement if he hadn’t felt it press down against his hand. “Of course she is.”

“Yeah, but she’s tied.”

“With what?”

He gave Peter’s shoulder a playful shove. “With meeting you, dumbass.”

“Oh.”

“Oh.”

They were quiet again, a completeness filling the air. Tony let his eyes draw back to the moon, still peeking in through the window. Out of the corner of his vision, he caught Peter’s gaze drifting to the same spot.

“I’m glad you have Morgan,” Peter finally said, and while Tony peeled his gaze away from the sky, the kid didn’t. “And I’m... I’m really glad you were happy.”

It was, somehow, an apology and a forgiveness in one. An acceptance of the years that had been lost and could never be re-found.

He tilted his head, eyes tracing over Peter’s profile slowly.

“I’m even happier now.”

The kid still didn’t look at him, but the corner of his mouth quirked up.

“Me too.”

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 126

Chapter Summary - Tom and Danielle are enjoying their trip to Italy.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

I always loved that dog mosaic. Cave Canem is effectively the Latin for Beware the Dog, so I love that someone loved their dog so much they paid a professional artist to put a mosaic on their doorway of it. I am so envious of the archaeologist that got to unearth that.

Copyright for the photo is the owners, not mine.

I WILL get there, it is my dream!

All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​​ @jessibelle-nerdy-mum​​ @nonsensicalobsessions​​ @damalseer​​ @hiddlesbitch1​​ @winterisakiller​ @fairlightswiftly​​ @salempoe​​ @wolfsmom1​

‘What do you think?’ Tom asked as they sat overlooking the vineyard.

‘I think a wine tasting is wasting on my sorry ass.’ Danielle beamed as she raised her glass. ‘They all taste similar to me.’

‘And the food?’

‘I already told you, I am not leaving.’ Tom chuckled. ‘Thank you, Tom. I...I love it.’

‘Delighted to hear you say that. Now, about that pasta…’ He eyed her carbonara, licking his lips.

‘They are going to have to shove us in the doors of that plane.’ Danielle joked as she stole some of Tom’s risotto. ‘I think this is the first one of these I have ever seen that is not a mushroom risotto.’

‘Yes, it’s the most common.’ Tom concurred as he stole some of her food. ‘It is exquisite.’

‘I’m telling you, I am not leaving. Ring your mum, get her to send on our dogs and we will stay here, forever.’

‘You need to go back, remember how you were going to take over the business world.’

‘I think it was taking over me for a while.’ She sighed as she enjoyed sitting in the sun.

‘I think you may be right, but we won’t let that happen again.’ Tom promised. ‘We need to do more small trips like this.’ He took her hand in his and kissed it.  ‘Are you ready for tomorrow?’

‘Yes. Oh, my God, I am so bloody excited.’ She beamed, looking at the dormant volcano that was not too far away. ‘This is incredible.’

‘Only the best.’

*

Danielle was like a child on a tour at a toy shop as she looked at the remains of the old city. Both she and Tom were in awe, both having studied Roman history and civilisation, they both knew of the city from school and from the countless shows they could recall seeing as youths before actively seeking documentaries as adults, both individually and together. ‘Is it wrong to say I love this?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, about sixteen thousand people died as a result of the eruption, so that obviously is not a good thing, but to see it, to be here, after thirty years of hearing and reading about it.’

‘That’s true.’ Tom conceded. ‘But you don’t mean it in a bad way, so it’s fine to say it. I feel the same. I never got to see it properly. I passed by, but never really got to see it, so doing this at all, much less with you, is wonderful.’ He put on his sunglasses as he spoke. ‘I think everyone needs to get out of Britain, and Ireland for that matter, for some part of the winter, seeing some sun is a rare and needed occurrence.’

‘I can’t even attempt to argue that.’

‘Nervous?’

‘About seeing the city? Why would I be? I mean, I know she is overdue an eruption, but there are warnings in place these days.’ Danielle dismissed.

‘I mean about the email.’

Danielle pursed her lips. They were three days into their holiday and the day before, their day was interrupted by an email from Branagh, stating that work as to start, as soon as she returned. The weather was wet enough to serve their requirements, so they needed to avail of what they could. ‘Nervous or not, it needs doing. Are you okay with…?’

‘I will look after our boys. I have a few things I need to do for Early Man, but on the whole, I will deal with everything. He said it would only be about a fortnight.’

‘We’ve done longer than that. We will do longer than that again.’ She smiled.

‘Yes.’ Tom gave her a weak smile.

Danielle looked at him for a moment before speaking again. ‘I keep thinking you are on the verge of saying something to me but are hesitating.’

Tom’s brows knit together before he cleared his throat and looked at her. ‘Do you?’

‘Yes. Is everything okay?’

‘Yes, of course.’ Tom smiled, but she was still uncertain. ‘I am just thinking over a few things. Actually, I do have something to ask you.’ Danielle gave a small facial expression that told him she was paying attention. ‘Mum’s Christmas present?’

‘Yes?’

‘What are you getting her?’

‘I thought a nice weekend in that hotel near your cousins, so she can be spoiled and see your aunt all in one.’

‘Damn, you’re good.’ Tom commended.

‘I know right.’ She winked. ‘Why, what were you thinking?’

‘She wants to go to a show, so I am thinking of bringing her.’

‘Oh, she will love that.’ Danielle smiled. ‘Is it in London, you should bring her to Gordon Ramsey’s place beforehand, she is dying to go there.’

Tom’s brow rose slightly. ‘Really?’

‘Yeah, apparently he got some new thing in, I don’t know exactly what, but she is gagging to go and I think she would love you to bring her.’

‘You are the best partner ever, scoping this out for me.’ He kissed her.

‘What show?’

‘Nutcracker, ballet. Not my thing really, but you know Mum.’

‘Oh, she will love it.’ Danielle agreed. She took out her phone.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Telling Emma, she wanted to know what we are doing so that no one accidentally gets her the same thing.’

‘Of course.’ Tom self-scolded, knowing that Sarah had texted her present of a holiday with her and Yakov and Sophie to France for a week already. ‘She is spoiled.’

‘And rightly so, your Mum deserves it.’

‘Yes, she does.’ Tom agreed.

Danielle sent the message before smiling with satisfaction and putting her phone away again. ‘Don’t forget to turn your phone on silent.’ She instructed.

‘You will not be happy if someone doesn’t on this tour, will you?’

‘Oh, they’ll be added to the Pompeii death toll, I swear. Murder will occur.’ Danielle promised as she walked forward, Tom chuckling as he put his hand around her waist and kissed her temple. ‘You know you would be reluctant to stop me.’

‘I would, but that would ruin the holiday, you being imprisoned. I plan to treat you more before our return to wet and windy London.’

‘Fine, I won’t murder inconsiderate people, I may maim them though.’

‘I only ask that you try not to.’ Tom joked as they stood, ready to listen to their guide.

*

Danielle stood staring at the mosaic floor. She could not remember the first time she had seen the image in front of her, seeing it in person was something she was unsure she would ever do, but there it was, she could not help the little smile on her face.

‘You like this, yes?’ She turned to see the Italian girl that was giving their tour.

‘Very much.’ Danielle smiled. ‘It looks so fresh, not two thousand years old.’

‘It is my favourite too. I remember the day I saw it first, I thought the same.’ She smiled.

The pair made small talk for another few minutes before the woman excused herself to bring them on more of the tour.

‘You look somewhat lost?’ Danielle smiled.

Tom walked back to her, having left her side for a moment to read something he realised he had missed only for the guide and Danielle to start their conversation in his absence. ‘I felt it would be wrong to have inserted myself into your conversation. Having fun.’

‘So much. I love this.’

Tom looked at the mosaic on the floor. ‘It looks better than I thought it would after so long.’

‘Kind of like yourself.’ Tom’s eyes widened before he gave her a playful glare. ‘Sorry, I couldn’t resist.’ She giggled.

Tom wrapped his arms around her. ‘You terror.’

‘Yes, I am.’ She smiled.

‘I cannot believe how much you have changed.’ Danielle frowned and looked at him. ‘Six months ago, I would never have been able to hold you like this in public.’

‘Six months changes a lot. The constant little din of photographers, comments and people have slowly built up my resilience to these things. I know we could and probably will be photographed here, but I don’t care. People will comment on me, us, whatever and I will laugh at the stupid comments, smile at the nice and scoff at the rest because I care more about your ginger-haired arse than I ever will about what they think.’

‘We both know you love my ass.’ Tom grinned.

‘I do, that’s not a secret at this stage.’ Danielle smiled back.

Tom braved leaning in to give her a kiss, somewhat startled when she leant up and met his lips with hers. ‘I love you.’ He whispered against her lips.

‘I am somewhat fond of you too, Mr Hiddleston.’ She smiled back.

*

‘Elle?’ Tom looked around the room as he came out of the bathroom. ‘Stop hiding, we have to go back to Rome today.’

‘No, we don’t.’ He turned to see Danielle on the balcony.

‘Yes, we do.’

‘Give me one good reason why we need to go back.’

‘I have two, their names are Bobby and Mac.’ She made a face that showed her reluctant conceding as she walked back inside. ‘We will be back.’

‘I know, but I love it so much. It’s so carefree here.’

‘It is.’

‘Your phone was buzzing.’

‘Thanks.’ Tom checked it before rolling his eyes and throwing it down.

‘Dare I ask?’

‘Us being tactless for getting engaged at Pompeii, us being too “in people’s faces” about our relationship and me trying to recreate the beach photo of me and Taylor.’

‘Forget about them.’ Danielle dismissed. She turned and got her own phone, typing something before scanning it. ‘Look at the nice instead. I am not the only one loving your new facial hair, it is a big thing.’ She sat on the bed, Tom joining her immediately. ‘People, for the most part, are saying it is natural affection and…..why didn’t you tell me my underwear was showing? Tom!’ she playfully slapped his arm as Tom chuckled next to her. ‘Oh for fuck’s sake. You’re terrible.’ He licked his teeth as he grinned. ‘They are not exactly plain either.’ Tom started chuckling again. ‘Unbelievable.’ Danielle went to get off the bed only for Tom to pull her back. ‘How would you like it?’ She asked.

‘There are pictures of me with my boxers showing.’

‘When you wear them.’

‘Part of the reason I sometimes don’t.’ He grinned, leaning over and kissing her.

‘Don’t start, or you’ll need another shower.’

‘That is hardly a deterrent.’ Tom grinned, kissing her again.

[altumvidetur]

[Soukoku] Chains Meant to Break: an elaboration

Almost a month ago, I posted a Bungou Stray Dogs fanmix called Chains Meant to Break (link is here if you missed it), about Chuuya and Dazai and their relationship.

Since then, I’ve been trying to resist the temptation of making a post explaining why I chose those songs to represent Soukoku. What most of my other fanmixes in the distant past taught me is that no one is interested in hearing why; you should just strive to say what you mean with your choice of songs, and skip the blocks of text.

It’s hard to tell because of the shoddy art, but I actually spent quite some time assembling the fanmix -- about two years, in fact. And, despite my maxim, I found out that I want to talk about it: why I chose the songs, my interpretation of their relationship, and all that shit. And I realized: hell, this here is my blog, what is stopping me?

So I came to a compromise with myself: I would put the explanations in a different post, so only people who are really interested will see it. And, if no one is interested, too bad; I enjoyed the writing process, and that’s what’s important.

So, if you’re interested, here it goes:

Side A (Chuuya):

Foo Fighters – Best of You I needed somewhere to hang my head Without your noose You gave me something that I didn’t have But had no use I was too weak to give in Too strong to lose My heart is under arrest again But I break loose My head is giving me life or death But I can’t choose I swear I’ll never give in I refuse

The first songs are about first impressions. To Chuuya, Dazai is a walking contradiction — a suicidal manchild who shouldn’t have been able to survive in the real world, and yet commands his own troops in the Port Mafia without enough cunning to turn tides and do miracles. Chuuya has to deal with the temptation of a place to belong coming from a person whose ideals he cannot condone or stand. Ultimately, despite accepting the invitation and becoming a Port Mafia soldier, he still refuses to cave in to Dazai’s worldview.

Seether – Remedy Frail The skin is dry and pale The pain will never fail And so we go back to the remedy Clip The wings that get you high Just leave ‘em where they lie And tell yourself, you’ll be the death of me

Here we have the start of a relationship — a working relationship, a sexual relationship, and maybe something of a romantic relationship. Chuuya gets to know Dazai more, and understands that he’s barely holding it together under the façade of cheerfulness, so he comes to see their liaison as something of a pain-reliever for Dazai’s worst moods. He acknowledges their dynamic as unhealthy, but it holds too much allure for him to stop; it also helps him deal with the harsh reality they live in as Port Mafia hitmen. He still has things he holds close to his chest — he won’t die for Dazai, he won’t “die for pleasure” —, but he is willing to shoulder the burden of Dazai’s affection, with all that it entails. 

My Chemical Romance – I Don’t Love You When you go Would you have the guts to say I don’t love you Like I loved you Yesterday?

This song marks the moment Dazai leaves, and Chuuya realizes he has given too much of himself up, to get apparently nothing in return. He repeats to himself, to Dazai, and to whoever wants to hear that he never cared; he knew who Dazai was, knew the man was unreliable and it was bound to end like this. However, there is a part of him — a large part of him — that still wants answers; that expected some sort of commitment, or at least an acknowledgement of what they had. In the end, he’s screaming he doesn’t love Dazai anymore, in the hopes it will ring true out loud — because inside his heart it doesn’t.

Breaking Benjamin – Breath This will be all over soon Pour salt into the open wound Is it over yet? Let me in

As fate would have it, Chuuya meets Dazai again and again after the man’s departure. And he knows he has to let the man go, for the Port Mafia and for his own sake; holding on to Dazai means that the both of them will drown. But when they meet, the wound only gets deeper, and their longing for each other pulls them into a cycle of hatred and violence with no discernible end. Chuuya begs Dazai to either get a hold of himself and change — and acknowledge their relationship, and make a move towards something better — or end their connection, since he himself can’t do anything.

Placebo – Special K Gravity, no escaping gravity Gravity, no escaping, not for free I fall down To the ground Make a heavy sound Every time you seem to come around

For me, this song represents exactly what Soukoku is about, so much so that it’s actually the origin of my otp tag here. Chuuya followed Dazai swearing he would never give in to him, but he is already in too deep,  no coming back. There are moments when Chuuya thinks that maybe Dazai will bring him into the light, and moments when he knows Dazai as his greatest weakness; the constant is that, no matter what effect Dazai has on him, Chuuya cannot fight it. He, the master of gravity, is at the mercy of Dazai’s pull, and can only go whenever Dazai wants him to go.

Side B (Dazai):

Garbage – A Stroke of Luck You say that you’ll be there to catch me Or will you only try to trap me? These are the rules I make Our chains were meant to break You’ll never change me

Chuuya comes in like a hurricane in Dazai’s world of neatly labeled boxes. Even though he is confronted every day by their merciless reality, he still thinks there are things worth living for; at the same time, he refuses to let Dazai get away with his bullshit, presenting himself as someone who could help him change, should Dazai want it (although, of course, he doesn’t). Dazai is clever enough to know Chuuya could break him, and wonders whether he will with the dispassion of someone who’s not really attached to life anymore.  

Damien Rice – Volcano Don’t throw yourself like that In front of me I kissed your mouth, your back Is that all you need?

Don’t drag my love around Volcanoes melt me down

When it comes to their relationship, Dazai realizes quickly that Chuuya is more invested than he says he is. He knows this is a bad idea, and warns Chuuya accordingly: he is not worth Chuuya’s time, he will waste Chuuya’s love, and he thinks Chuuya may be projecting his own ideal partner into him. What he doesn’t realize is that he himself cares more than he implies; his need to warn Chuuya of all the things he could possibly do while dismissing Chuuya’s positive feelings for him — and his own positive feelings for Chuuya, to boot — are symptoms of his shitty self-esteem trying to sabotage something that makes him happy.

VAST – You Should Have Known I’d Leave Suddenly You're outside of my dreams You should have known I'd leave

Dazai leaves with no goodbye or last messages to Chuuya — save for the burning car. Considering Dazai’s wreck of a psyche, and his constant statements that Chuuya does not need him, it’s easy to see why he would want to sever the connection between them. He blames Chuuya for placing expectations on him that he would never be able to meet, but lacks the self-honesty to admit that leaving him behind is a lot harder than he claims it is.

The Gaslight Anthem – Get Hurt And I came to get hurt (get hurt) Might as well do your worst to me (get hurt) Have you come here to get hurt? (get hurt) Have you come to take away from me? From me, from me Might as well do your worst to me

As fate would have it, Dazai’s past catches up to him, and he meets Chuuya again and again after his departure. He is aware of the cycle of violence between them, but, unlike Chuuya, he encourages it; he sees it as punishment he’s due, maybe even a death to look forward to. And, while he recognizes they seem to be somewhat stuck with each other, he also recognizes that Chuuya bloomed after he left, which reinforces his theory that Chuuya actually never needed him, and will be happier once he’s gone for good.  

The Mountain Goats – Oceanographer’s Choice Look at that Would you look at that? The way the ceiling starts to swerve What will I do when I don’t have you? When I finally get what I deserve?

When subjected to deep-sea pressure, divers are subjected to nitrogen narcosis, a delirium-like state of mental impairment because of gas inhalation. It is the kind of situation where one might be unable to see a way out; is the kind of situation in which a person might just let themselves drown. While Dazai is very aware of his own toxic nature, he also can’t let Chuuya go, not completely, and he dreads the day when Chuuya finally gets his bearings and lets go of him. Unable to do anything to remedy the situation, Dazai just simmers in his own misery, moving helplessly towards a future he doesn’t want.

So that’s it. Thanks for reading, and, if you want to, tell me what you think!