#this has been cooking in my brain for like 8 months and i still don't feel like i did it justice but i hope this brings you guys pain <3

[firethekitty]

something about loss

orville peck - lafayette // beach house - days of candy // mitski - first love/late spring // lord huron - where did the time go? // glass animals - it's all so incredibly loud // hozier - shrike

[theladyofbloodshed]

Hi. I really admire your writng and love all your fic very much. Really,as a reader i cant wrap my head around how incredible your writing are. But as a fellow writer, it got me thinking how you balance your day working-personal life-reading-writing. I just enter corporate life and it was exhausting. How do you manage your time to write and is it hard for you to keep your interest in writing while working?

Thank youu and no, i think your chrismast deco look very beautiful. If I visit your house i would love staying around the tree with a dim light and a warm tea.

Thank you so much for the message. That's incredibly kind of you. You are welcome for a cup of tea any time!

I will break down my day under the read more.

05:40 - partner wakes up for work (waking me up) 06:10 - partner leaves for work and I get up 07:00 - in the car to work 07:30 - at work. I don't get paid until 08:30 but I literally would not be ready for the kids if I came in at that time, plus I'm already awake (and definitely a morning person). I'm usually alone in the class until around that time so I tend to have an audiobook on while I'm getting the class ready. I teach in a different classroom every single day, so I have to be organised. 16:00 - finish work 16:30 - home for a cup of tea and usually go on social media/write 18:00 - cook dinner which usually takes about an hour After that, I either spend time with my partner, read, or write. The only day I haven't written something was when I had to be at work until nearly 9pm for a halloween party, but generally, I write every single day. I will be honest in that I don't really have a social life. I've only really got one friend and she lives 60 miles away. I cancelled my gym membership because I hate going after work in winter and I've been so ill for the last couple of months that it was a waste of money. At the weekends, my partner and I might go to a coffee shop or a walk, but most of the time I am writing. It's nothing I have to force. I look forward to writing every single day. If I found it a chore, I wouldn't do it. Sometimes, I am super tired from work too and have a low output, but in those times I'll lay on the bed or take a bath with some music on and still be imagining scenarios. If you are exhausted, don't push it. If I've imagined a scene enough then I know exactly how it will play out to make the writing easier. My brain almost thinks in a writer mode now, like instead of seeing the scene, I'll also be narrating it.

I am constantly thinking about my writing. When I drive, I am imagining scenarios/dialogue. If I go for a walk alone, my headphones are on to dissociate and imagine. For me, it's all consuming. Weirdly, none of my new colleagues know I have any books and I've just mentioned it in passing to my family because we're not close and they don't really care. Even my partner has no clue about character names or anything because he hasn't read them. It's got to the point where I have RSI in my hand from typing so much. Today, I've written about 5000 words and have written 100k words for a single book since October.

It is hard for me to switch off sometimes. I do wonder if I have some sort of ADHD because I have to be doing something at all times. When I'm at work for my planning time, I'm usually doing all 8 jobs on my to do list at the same time, like this page is loading so I'll start this email then go back to that lesson plan then reply to that other person. I cannot just sit and watch tv, I either have to be sewing, or writing by hand, or typing. The only time I do nothing is when I sleep lmao. I've always been that way though.

In terms of reading, I've really struggled this year. Most books have been 2/3 star reads for me - which is really unlike me. I'm usually super generous with 5 stars. I've had to force myself to sit and read a lot because I'll just scroll on my phone otherwise when I'm bored.

I wish I had kids, but I don't, and thankfully my partner also cooks and cleans so if its his turn to cook, I can carry on writing. Sometimes it has caused arguments so I try to make a conscious effort to put my laptop down and spend quality time together. Writing is just everything to me. I love it. It's all I ever want to do. But, I'm also not a night person, so my laptop is usually off before 9pm and I'm asleep by half past 9 nearly every night ha.

[the-lazy-goth517]

DISCLAIMER: This is intended as a silly commentary on my own personal experience and nothing more. When I started ritalin a month ago to treat my ADHD, I was warned that it might suppress my appetite and lead to unhealthy weight loss. I've been lucky in that, now that my body has adjusted to the medication, this isn't really a problem for me. I still get hungry at normal meal times, and I eat until I'm not hungry anymore. What I HAVE noticed, though, is that the ritalin DOES seem to lock down the version of me that historically makes really bad, super impulsive food decisions. On the day to day, I don't notice it much. I just don't graze on random snackage through the day like I used to, which is nice. I feel better, less bloated, all good things. But when I go grocery shopping, it becomes a lot more pronounced.

Because, while the impulsive eating goblin is locked down, -she's still in there.- I hear her muttering and rolling her eyes with contempt when I put fresh produce and foods that require actual cooking in my cart. I feel her rattling the bars of her cage and shrieking like a possessed gremlin as I walk placidly past the candy aisle and the bakery, giving neither more than a passing glance. It would be the source of a gentle, sensible chuckle if I didn't know she would get her turn when the sun sets. See, I take my meds twice a day, rather than in an extended release. The goal here is to create a roughly 8 hour window of productivity during regular business hours and allow me to taper off down to my natural brain chemistry in the evening. Which means, no matter how calmly and happily I made Good Choices™ at the grocery store, the version of me that makes bad, impulsive food decisions emerges. She rises, cheeto-encrusted claws ghosting over my shoulder until they wrap around my throat as she growls in a voice from the deepest void:

W̷͇̬̼͈̳̞ͣͨͩͭͧ͛͌H̸̱͍͔̠̦̤̰ͥ̊ͯ̀Ẹ̺͉̞̤̼͖̠̼̆͗̆̀͟Ṙ͎̭͈̙ͭ̋ͬͦË̶̦̫̞͓̯͈͔̠ͮ̎̐́ ̻͓̹̗̪̱̱͇̪́̃̎ͭ͒ͦ͛ͨA̢̨͎̪̘̪͙̻͒ͫ̿̉̃̏ͧ̔̕Ř̬͓̖͙̲͓̠̉̀͢͟ͅḘ̸̡ͯ̏͛͡ ̸̧̧̜̖͌͌͛̋ͤ̽ͯ̈̊M̸̼̹̻ͩ͆̃̏͋̋ͧ͠Ÿ̴̙̼͚̞͙͇̖͎̱̆ͪͧ͛̉͑ͫ͊ ̵̦ͬ͛ͪS͒͊͂́̎̂̋́ͪ͘҉͉̜͜Ṇ̳̪̘̮̮̗̖̘ͦ̔̒̆ͫͨͫͧ͢͜A̗̘͈͕͒͛C̻̫̯̖̤̆ͯ̊́ͭ͝͞͝K̡̮̖͕̞̮ͩ̽̔͌̅̚I̴̗̻͈̺͔̬͈̤̘ͥ͌ͪͭ̇̚͟Ȩ̶̗̟̦̙̠̭́Ș̵̨͇͚͇̹̭̺͕͗͌͊͆,͉̱͇̞̯̝͙͛̄ͥ̑̌ͨ̅̓ ̧̠͚̐̌͋̈ͨM̲̤̗͇̓̋̑̾̿̈ͩ͐̈́O̶̥͖͓͉̠̔͐ͣͅT̐̏̔͡҉͓̜H̞͈͓̦̱͖̠̓͋̐̌ͯ͡Ĕ̦̘̘̣̖̏ͨ̄̔̇ͮR̶̯̞͕͇̟̭̾͌̇͆ͦ͆͋ͨ͟ͅF́̀͢҉̟͈̥͕͍͚U̪͍̮̭͉͗̑̏̉̏͢ͅC̵̨̦͖͓͙̞͖͈̤̥͐͒ͭ͂ͣK̡̼͉̳͎̜͔͋̓͒͐̇ͫ̌ͮ͌Ḛ̶͕͍̰̌̽̒̊̆̂̀R̵̄̅̇̓̍̋҉̜̮͍̱?̷̵͚͛ͧ̎͜?͔͙ͨͤ͌͋̍̆̕?̶̪͚͉̰͊ͩ̓̓͟ͅ

And then I'm like, "Wow. FUCK that stupid medicated bitch who didn't buy any chips so we wouldn't eat an entire bag of chips."

[mcrmadness]

Tagged by @theydoctor, thanks!!! ^^

1. Were you named after anyone?

Well, my first name comes from somewhere in the family tree, and the middle name apparently was picked by my dad from an Italian or French opera cos he's a nerd. I haven't changed my name but if I did, I would never name myself after someone else. I want my name to feel like me and not like a random copy of someone else. (This doesn't mean I'd have this opinion on anyone who did name themself after someone else, I personally just don't want to have namesakes nor be associated with people who are my namesakes.)

2. When was the last time you cried?

Does onions count? If so, then 30 minutes ago when I was cooking those on a pan.

3. Do you use sarcasm?

YES. Altho, I often find it difficult to tell my jokes apart from my sarcasm because my humour in general is very dry and dark, and so is my sarcasm. And I often make jokes that sound sarcastic so I really don't know of which one it really is. But have to say that I often am careful with whom I show the sarcastic side because not everyone gets my humour, and I easily manage to make people offended because they don't realize I was just using dry humour.

4. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their aesthetics? Like, the colour scheme and style. I focus on that more than I focus on anything else, solely because I am so visual person I can't help it but notice the visuals as the first thing, especially if I like those visuals (aka the colour scheme).

5. What's your eye colour?

Blue-grey. On a good day you can see random green dots here and there but usually only when it's very bright as the dots are normally hidden behind the irises.

6. Scary movie or happy ending?

Hmmm... I don't like scary movies, so of these two I have to say: happy endings. Otherwise I don't need my movies to always end happily as I also enjoy very bizarre, anti-cliché endings that leave the viewer with more questions than answers. Such as Christopher Nolan's movies which often have a happy, yet "wtf???" type eding.

7. Any special talents?

Maybe cooking and baking? And taking care of plants. Like, I have some natural talent for cooking and baking, as well as a secret green thumb, and it pisses me off so much because NONE OF THESE is a passion of mine! I don't even know wtf I'm doing with my plants but apparently something right since they've still alive and I even got one of them to make flowers and my mom has had its parent plant for decades and it has never made flowers. All I did was just water it so idk what was that. So idk if this is a special talent but it sure is a weird talent. (And other is probably my brain's ability to absorb and memorise information about die ärzte...)

8. Any pets?

Currently I don't have any pets but I love cats (and animals in general) more than anything and want to have cats in the future. Pets are not allowed in my flat, but my parents have 3 so at least my life is not fully cat-free and I might go crazy if it was.

9. What sports do you play/ have played?

None, I hate sports so much it's insane. The only sports I've been even mildly interested in is horse sports, and mainly the harness racing/trotting as I'm actually a horse groom by my profession and specialized in that. Also horseback riding was my hobby when I was a teenager but I quit after I fell for the first time ever (after 6 months) and broke my arm.

10. How tall are you?

156cm, if you don't speak metrics, unfortunately you have to google it if you really find my height that interesting.

11. What was your favourite subject in school?

I used to like arts, but the art education was really bad in junior high. But since I've always loved visual arts (and I'm so annoyed that it is NOT my special talent, fml :DDD), I was usually in my element there anyway. I also liked biology, and I guess Finnish even tho the subject is known as "mother tongue (and literature)" here in Finland. I also really loved the IT lessons as that's what sparked my interest towards video editing when I was 14 or 15. (Windows Movie Maker!!!)

12. Dream job?

My dream job would be to be able to study all kinds of things without ever having to settle down for just one career path. I have so many different interests that I could never combine them all into one, but I also wouldn't want to make my life be all about just one, but I also have no energy for having 5 jobs at the same time. But if money didn't exist and I was more creative what comes to original content, I'd definitely be a comic book artist! From my existing profession I'm a horse groom, and currently I'm studying media and visual expression and I'm very interested in video editing, maybe making music videos, even. But that's just me in this very moment. I'm also interested in everything from linguistics and languages to horse colour genetics.

Not tagging anyone, but feel free to tag yourself if you are reading this and want to answer these questions.

[brightgnosis]

Actually went to bed at a decent time last night and have woken up feeling much better so far than I have in the last few days; I've still been fighting off a headache the last couple of days even after the Migraine broke finally, but at least the nerve pain is easing now.

I think actually getting out and doing grocery shopping yesterday, and forcing my body to actually move, really helped; it's such a hard thing to do when you're in the thick of a flair, but HaShem is movement and exercise really such a great balm for Fibro as long as you don't overdo it. And Grocery Shopping is, weirdly enough, just the right amount of exercise for my body?

It helps, too, that I've been really happy with the new Grocery Store that we've switched to; I no longer feel panicked the second we step into the store. And I'm not getting cloudy-headed, or frustrated, and my brain's no longer Error 404-ing whenever I try to decide or thing, because I actually have options for food again. And since hardly anyone shops at this store, I don't feel rushed to make a choice and get tf out because I'm being crowded around. It's really made Grocery Shopping enjoyable again- and I did really used to love Grocery Shopping so much.

Anyways. We found a take and bake Quiche Lorraine and tried it last night since everyone was out of the house; ate the whole damned thing, just by ourselves, it was that good. So tick another off for the Ancestral Foods list! And this time from a region I haven't had anything from yet 💜 I also found a Bailey's Irish Cream Loaf Cake (marked Kosher!) that I decided to pick up for myself for breakfast today, too. So that was lovely.

My Husband wants me to start trying to find ways to adapt foods to the Crock Pot so I can get cooking again in a way that's less energy intensive for me. And .... Honestly he's right. He's always right, ha. It does kill me emotionally and spiritually not to cook and I can't always let my frustration at living here and the absolute ridiculousness that is my In Laws get in the way of it.

I don't actually know if the Crock Pot is necessarily the solution for the bullshit, but I'm willing to at least give it a go. Because who knows! Maybe it will be, maybe it won't be, or maybe it'll be something in between. Either way, whatever the result, it's always worth trying something new rather than sitting on your hands and trying nothing at all, right? So Friday I'm making a Chicken Soup in the crockpot, with Matzo Balls. It'll be my first time making Matzo Balls, so wish me luck (and if anyone has any tips, help greatly appreciated!).

On the downside of it all, I'm sadly still having issues with foods making me nauseous. But now we've thankfully narrowed it down to large cuts of dark meats; so far I've not had any issue with the Quiche and what little meat it had in it- nor with the Catfish we had the other day. But I had the problem with the Dirty Rice (Ground Beef), the Beef Stew (Beef Tips), and with the Christmas Chili (Pot Roast)- so that's why we're trying the Chicken Soup now. Fingers crossed that maybe I can just stick to light meats, Fish, and smaller cuts of Pork* like Bacon?

Anyways. I'm just glad I'm starting to feel better physically, despite the fact I'm still not sleeping well. But for the later bit, there's still always the Cannabis + Mimosa Honey Tincture I made that I rarely get into. So I may just start back up taking that again for a little while; a couple rounds of that before sleep usually course corrects my insomnia when the Delta-8 Gummies stop having the full effect (or my Insomnia's too bad for them to fully work for a time).

Oh! And my most recent batch of Pine Oil should be done soon, as well. Which, thank HaShem, honestly. Because going a couple months without it in the Winter has been the worst so far. So lesson learned about making sure I overlap production on that when I start getting low ... Though to be fair, the reason I didn't get that batch started sooner is because the car was in and out of the shop for months on end and my In-Laws' car's a literal death trap 😬

But we've finally got the car back and hopefully we've figured out what the actual problem's been this whole time and have managed to finally fix it 🤞 And the last time we had it out and it was fine for that week, I snagged the Pine for the Pine Oil. So I think in another week or two I should finally have that back for my surface nerve pain again. And it won't be a moment too soon!

We also finally broke down and bought a Shark Air Purifier for the basement yesterday, as well, since I ... Broke my Shark Vacuum on accident by being an idiot and forgetting to clean the filter as often as I should have (which means changing / replacing this filter got put on the Calendar so I won't forget) ... RIP.

Even though it's more labor intensive on me, I can sweep the carpet just fine since it's that restaurant carpeting- at least until we can either get the Shark repaired or save up the $500 to replace it with the same model ... But whenever I do, the dust just everywhere- and all up into the air. And with my Husband's allergies, and the Cats' asthma (plus Cats' general penchant for getting Respiratory Illnesses easily if they're indoors full time- which ours are because Cats are a destructive Invasive Species) ... I don't want that to be a constant thing since I can't ventilate the basement as well as I'd like. Especially in Winter.

So we finally bought one. And I'll tell you what ... It actually does make a fair amount of difference down here. I was pleasantly surprised by it, actually.

[story-courty]

3, 6, and 8 please for the Writer Ask Game 🙃

3. Is there any trope/scene you've been wanting to write?

I'd love to tackle the "enemies to friends to lovers" trope someday. I've had an idea cooking for a bit, and now that camp is fresh on my mind, playing with it would be a complete BLAST! There's also a scene involving an overturned kayak and a first kiss that I'm excited to tackle as well!

6. What character(s) do you find it most difficult to write?

If we're talking JatP (which is the only 'verse I'm writing in right now), I'd have to say Alex. Fanon has him as the emotionally stable, mature one out of the guys, and while that's all well and good, it doesn't translate well in Courty's brain when it comes to canon. When I watch the show, that's not the impression I get, and I tend to write him how I see him in the show rather than fanon.

8. Which fic or hc do you feel most proud of?

Oh man, tough call.

I'm going to cheat and pick two.

Midnights at Mona's is quite honestly (once it's finished) going to be my magnum opus for a bit. It's the longest story I've ever written, I'm crazy about the characters and their growth, and I'm SO excited to show everyone where it's headed from here! Add to that the fact that I got to also write in the 'verse that made me love the written word in the first place (Heartland), and I'm TICKLED that this idea ran through my head all those months ago!

Another one I'm desperately proud of is Fall Where They May. That little fic was NOT supposed to happen the way it did, but I think it's the one that is nearest and dearest to my heart. With MaM I at least had a direction. Fall Where They May happened off the top of my head as the story progressed, and I do feel it's the most poignant one I've written. Love and forgiveness in the midst of a hardship like an unplanned pregnancy, and two people figuring things out as they go along... I don't know. I guess I hope my story can give hope to someone who finds themself in a similar situation and can show them that just because they've been thrown a MASSIVE curveball in life that they can still find joy and fulfill whatever dreams they have!

Thanks for the asks!

Send me writer asks!

[self-loving-vampire]

Do you have any sort of media to recommend? I'm open to anything [though have a major bias for cute boys cough cough]

My reply here is corrupted by the fact that I have been obsessing over Tsukihime for close to a month now but I did say back then that both Tsukihime and Fate/Stay Night have protagonists with very appealing personalities (although the common translation of the Fate route makes Shirou come off as kind of a wangrod in ways that don't reflect his behavior anywhere else).

They're both kind in their own ways and Shirou in particular is so domestic that he has a whole spinoff anime where he just cooks things for his friends.

However, you should be aware that both Tsukihime and Fate/Stay Night are extremely dark stories and you should assume a reasonably high probability that any given content warning will apply if you choose to read them.

The original Tsukihime can be downloaded and read here. It follows the story of a boy named Shiki Tohno who nearly died in an accident 8 years before the start of the story. Once he regained consciousness he became capable of seeing the lines of death, lines that are present in every physical thing and bring an immediate end to it if traced.

Seeing these lines is disabling, causing him headaches and giving him intense anxiety over the true fragility of everything around him. Seeing them constantly might even give him brain damage if not for a chance encounter with a wandering mage who provides him with a pair enchanted glasses that suppress his eyes.

As a result of his injuries following the accident, his wealthy father banishes him to live with other relatives for some time, but he dies shortly before the start of the story and he is called back to the mansion.

Soon after, he starts having supernatural encounters. The most notable of these is encountering a woman with red eyes on the street one day and feeling an uncontrollable urge to kill her for no apparent reason, despite the fact that he really doesn't want to be a murderer.

It is recommended to read the Arcueid route first, then Ciel, then Akiha, then Hisui, and then Kohaku at the very end. The download comes with a flowchart if you need it.

Meanwhile, Fate/Stay Night follows Shirou Emiya, a pathologically altruistic boy whose entire life was destroyed by a cataclysmic fire that nearly killed him and left him orphaned. In many ways, it left him with an inner void, a lack of self-worth when he's not helping others, and a disregard for his own well-being.

This fire was caused by the Fourth Holy Grail War, a magical ritual in which seven mages take on the role of masters summon "servants", historical and mythological figures, to participate in a battle royale to access the grail, a magical wish-granting device.

He was saved and adopted by a mage who participated in that war, and the many broken parts of his psyche (such as his survivor's guilt) lead him to take on that mage's wish of becoming a hero and saving others.

Ten years after the fire, Shirou - who is still very ignorant about magic and incompetent about using it despite training what little potential he has - finds himself unwillingly pulled into the Fifth Grail War and accidentally summons a servant.

The route order for Fate/Stay Night is Fate (the more vanilla introductory route in many ways), followed by Unlimited Blade Works (extremely spicy), and then ending with Heaven's Feel (undescribed).

Normally I'd be recommending various kinds of immersive and high-freedom RPGs here as well but you asked for cute boys and I am pretty sure that if I was on the receiving end of some of the things these guys do for the Sad and Problematic women they like I'd find it hard to resist it too.

[thedreadvampy]

Very Annoyed That My Brain Has Decided To Default Back To 2010

[madebysamael]

Work/Art Balance

Over the past few months of being more ill than usual, I've realized that I can't balance working full time and producing the level of art I want to. This isn't a new thing, but it's the reason why that I'm most struggling to accept:

It has nothing to do with time. I work 7-3:30 most days, which means that by 4 p.m., aside from daily chores, my schedule is clear. I could, theoretically, finish everything that needs doing by around 6 and have roughly 4 hours for art every evening, and still get 7-8 hours of sleep. That's more than enough time.

Thing is, I don't have the energy.

My job is not creative at all. I occasionally get to do interesting research and write up reports about it, but the vast majority of the time lately, I spend 8 hours a day entering data into spreadsheets. Run search query, copy results into cell, repeat ad infinitum.

This company both treats me humanely and pays a living wage, and they're the first place I've ever worked (in my now 34 years of existence) to do so, so I can't take that privilege lightly. But spending so much time every day on mundanity feels like it's turning my brain into mush. The inspiration is gone; my creative muscle is hopelessly out of shape (being sick for months has not helped this), and, most days, by the time I log out, I've used up all my motivation just to stay on task.

My counselor once said that "willpower is a finite resource." Doing something that goes against your nature all day will be inherently draining, and unfortunately, the kinds of things that are rejuvenating are not things that companies pay us to do. So I'm left using whatever scraps of energy are left over after working, cleaning, cooking, errands, pet care, etc. for art.

And of course, when you only have a bare minimum of motivation to give, what you make isn't the highest quality. It isn't inventive or unique, and it isn't rendered to the best of your potential. So in a deluge of art posts where you're essentially competing for attention with every other artist out there, you're of course not going to be noticed - it's the ones with the creative spark, that extra little something to give (or a LOT to give), who are seen.

I miss being seen. I miss having the flow and the brainpower to make things I'm proud of, things that are unique enough to catch others' eyes. I've been doing quick screencap sketches because it's all I have to give, but of course many others are producing so much more, and so much better. It's hard not to feel like I'm barely treading water in that sea right now; most days I feel pretty damn invisible.

[crazy-loca-blog]

Casey Valentine: About Her Future

A/N: This has been one hell of a ride! Talking about Casey and her life has been an amazing experience. There are many situations about her future that I haven't figured out yet, that's why I'm keeping things in a very limited timeframe (around 2 and maybe 3 years after the end of her residency). Thanks a lot to @openheartfanfics for organizing this event. I've had a blast!

Meet My MC || About Her Past || About Her Present

Casey has been leading the diagnostics team for over two years now. And things have changed a lot.

As soon as she assumed her new role, she was determined to make the team the core of a system that also involves the rest of the departments at Edenbrook. And she uses her friends for it.

Casey, Ines and Jackie are implementing a special program to evaluate interns and residents in order to discover outstanding doctors that may support the diagnostics team and other areas in the hospital after their boards. It follows a lot of the guidelines that Ethan used when they were interns, but it also gives selected residents an opportunity to assist the diagnostics team in some cases in order to improve their skills.

Elijah and Zaid became her go-to people when it comes to studies and reseach, especially in those cases where experimental treatments are the only option for patients.

Sienna quickly became a team favorite. As the best pediatrician at Edenbrook, every time the team receives a pediatric case, she is involved in the course of treatment of the patient. Casey is considering to offer her a permanent spot in the team.

Bryce's research skills when it comes to evaluate surgical options for patients are brilliant, so he frequently helps Harper by giving her second opinions on certain procedures. He also covers for her as member of the diagnostics team every time she's on leave.

When a patient needs rehab after some surgery, Rafael is the one in charge of the process. The results his patients achieve in their recovery are proof that he has all the profesionalism, the patience and the work ethics the team needs in their collaborators.

As per Baz and Ethan, Casey convinced them to keep collaborating with the team on an ocassional basis. They are one of the best immunologists and the best diagnostician in the country, so she needs their brains in her team, even if it's not permanently. They assist in the hardest and most enigmatic cases.

Despite all their efforts, the team can't accept every case they receive. And that's when Kenmore help is appreciated. A year ago, Tobias, Casey and Aurora developed a collaboration project between the diagnostics teams of both hospitals, which now allows both Edenbrook and Kenmore to help twice the amount of people they used to assist when they worked separately.

Of course, none of this would be possible without Ethan's help. As Chief of Medicine, he has the power to approve most of Casey's projects, so he's been making a very good use of a position that he wasn't convinced to accept at first. It's definitely been a win-win situation when it comes to team work between Dr. Ramsey and Dr. Valentine.

Despite of them being very private when it comes to their personal lives, there is no doubt that Casey and Ethan are relationship goals. If seeing them working together in the past was a delight, the way they've been ruling Edenbrook after becoming official has certainly helped them become the power couple the hospital needed.

Because you can definitely tell they're not only great partners, but also each other's best friend. Their nonverbal communication skills are at a whole different level and they certainly boost each other in a way you can tell they're the best thing that has ever happened to the other. They're in love and it shows.

That's why no one was surprised when, after 8 months of becoming official, they decided to move in together.

But everybody was surprised when Ethan proposed only a few months afterwards. Except for his dad and her brother (who were the only people who knew about his plans), literally no one saw it coming, not even Casey (because yes, Ethan has mastered the art of surprising her).

They almost canceled the wedding... twice. The stress of their jobs plus the chaos that involves planning a wedding was beginning to affect their wellbeing as individuals. It wasn't a big issue for any of them: Casey never cared about having a ring on her finger and they both knew that nothing about their relationship would change if they didn't sign a piece of paper, as they were certain they had sealed the deal a long time ago.

The thought of an elopement also crossed their minds... and right when they were about to do it, Sienna came up with a brilliant idea to save their original plan: a micro wedding, that took place 6 months ago.

These newlyweds like saying they have a family of four: Ethan's dad and Casey's brother are pretty much the only relatives they have, so they consider them part of their household. They even have their own rooms in their new home in Boston!

They'd both agree that getting used to wear a ring has probably been the hardest part of their marriage, even when they cared about buying bands that were "compatible" with their jobs. But they are pretty sure that if they take it off, they'll end up losing it, so they kind of gave up. They expect to get used to it over time.

When they're not at work, they love exploring all the hidden gems that Boston has to offer. They've found a bunch of great places thanks to Rafael's recommendations, but they have also discovered a lot of new places by themselves. That doesn't mean they don't enjoy a good date at home after an exhausting day at work or getting lost and disconnecting from the world for a full weekend without telling anyone where they are.

This philosophy of discovering new places also applies to their holidays. Sometimes they'd go to well-known places, but they both agree that their favorite trips are those where they visit underrated destinations. Of course, they also leave a few days to visit Alan in Providence and to go to Casey's home in Virginia.

Kids? They have talked about it, but they don't feel ready to take that step yet. Not only their jobs are very demanding, they both have some baggage they need to get rid of before thinking about becoming parents. They're not in a hurry though, they're convinced that everything happens for a reason... they are happy, and that's all that matters.

She may not live with them anymore, but the roomies (and the rest of the gang) are still incredibly close. Casey still has lunch with whoever is available almost every day, and they still have a booth with their names on it at Donahue's.

When Casey moved in with Ethan, they didn't search for a new roomie. With the exception of Sienna, they all were attendings, so it was easier for them fo afford Casey's part ot the rent. They decided to turn her room into an office they all use a lot.

And none of them has the intention to leave their apartment any time soon. Housing in Boston is incredibly expensive, and they know none of them could afford a place like the one they have by themselves. This also gives them a chance to get rid of their med school debt a little faster.

Jackie, Aurora, Sienna and Casey also host a "girls just want to have fun" event at the apartment whenever Elijah visits his parents. It's a bonding tradition they started during their residency and they have no intention to finish any time soon. Sometimes, Kyra (when she is in town), Ines and Angie join them as well.

Bryce is the person she relies on when she needs a brotherly figure. She can definitely see a lot of her brother on him, and he always seem to have the right answer to everything. He also had to get a bigger place, as Keiki returned to Boston after being accepted at Harvard. Casey and Jackie guided her to attend med school... and convinced her to become a diagnostician.

The gang never knows when Kyra is going to make some surprise visit. She's been travelling around the world for a long time now, but she's been back home a few times for special ocasions. The last time they saw her was for Casey and Ethan's wedding.

Sienna and Casey have been exchanging recipes for a while now. Casey can cook to survive, but Ethan takes cooking to a whole new level, so Sienna usually comes to the rescue when her bestie needs help.

Casey is also playing matchmaker between Sienna and Rafael. She has been observing the way they look at each other for a while, and she's convinced they would make the cutest couple ever. Because beautiful souls deserve to be together. So yeah, she most definitely will introduce Sienna and Rafael's vovo very soon with some "help me cook dinner" excuse.

Tags: @adiehardfan @izzyourresidentlawyer

[straykidsworldwild]

Duskwood

Phil Hawkins x MC

Part 2 (1/2) : MC goes to work and a certain boy comes to meet her for lunch.

----------------------------------------------------------

Heyy guys! Here's a piece of part2. It was too long to put the whole thing on Tumblr at once (apparently) so I had to cut it in half 🙈 (2/2) is coming!!

(I just made the collage. Credits go to the creators of Duskwood and the owners of the pics.)

----------------------------------------------------------

I slowly wake up, feeling and hearing something buzzing. With my eyes still closed, I slide my hand under the pillow next to mine to grab my phone. I hate waking up by alarms… It feels like I am being cut in my sleep. And I’m not going to lie… I love my sleep just as much as I love food. Who doesn’t? I open my eyes and turn the alarm off before quickly closing them again. I didn't sleep well last night… When I went to bed after texting Phil to tell him I got home fine, I couldn’t stop thinking about the discussion we had at his bar. Was I right to say “yes” for lunch tomorrow noon? Was he being serious? Is he playing a game? Am I falling in his net? I don’t know and I think that’s what terrifies me with him. I just don’t want to be his next hookup… If I start something, it’s for a serious relationship, not to play around. That’s not my thing. But that’s exactly what Phil does so… I guess I should just trust a little more myself. Anyway, that was just the first part of the night, because the next part, all I could do was think about my uncle. Every time I closed my eyes, I just recalled amazing moments with him. Moments that mom, he and I won’t ever have again… I laid on my back, on my sides, on the side… And I did this over and over until managing to fall asleep.

I turn on the lamp on my nightstand when I hear my phone suddenly buzzing again. But I turned it off… Oh! I grab my phone and answer the call after looking at the I.D. caller.

- Hey, mom, how are you? I just woke up… I tell my mother with a still sleepy voice as I sit on the side of my bed. The light is still too much so I close my eyes for a few seconds more. Suddenly, a noise coming from behind the phone call catches my attention. It’s not a noise I am used to hear her make... Mom? I call her with some concern.

- “He's gone…” I hear her simply whispering through the phone as another sound catches my attention again. Sobs… Mom is crying. I’ve heard my mother crying before. It’s so… Strange and heartbreaking. I mean, mom has always been that strong figure, fighting everyone coming in her way or in mine… But she never broke down before me.

- I know, mom. I'm so sorry. But… I begin to respond calmly, keeping the pain to myself. I’ve never heard nor seen my mom crying in my life. She’s all I have as a family and hearing her in such pain… It’s heartbreaking.

- "Can you come over today? I'll need you to finish the preparation of the funeral. I can't do this alone. And..." She interrupts me, sounding overwhelmed and submerged. I lower my head and keep a desperate sigh inside of me. I wish I could already be next to her and tell her to not worry. That she doesn’t have to do anything. That I will take care of this for her. But I can’t because of my dumbass boss… Unbelievable...

- I'd love to, mom, really. But I have to go to work, I begin to say, sounding sad and sorry for not being there for her. I hate it. I feel like I’m betraying my own mother. That I’m not giving her the support she needs right now. And maybe the one that I also need... But she knew uncle Alex for longer than I did so it’s fairer that I should be there for her... But once I'm out, I'll stop by your house to come help you, okay? So I can see you a little bit too, mom. I should finish at 3p.m. today, if my boss doesn't think otherwise, I tell her gently. Though, an unsure point is heard in my voice. We never know with my boss… If he had a bad day, he is capable of giving you two extra hours to do just because he wanted to.

- "You know, your uncle was always there for me. I remember when we were kids…" I frown with sadness to the sound of her voice. It’s broken… She sounds empty. Out of life. "There was this horrible kid terrorizing the youngsters. I was one of those kids being terrorized, but of course, as my big brother, he protected me. He always did. He was really protective, you know?" She recounts me in brief words with a trembling voice. I know the story by heart. Uncle Alex used to tell it to me as a bedtime story. He was the hero of course. I never doubt that… I hear mom sniffling and letting another sob out. "So was he with you, baby. He loved you as his own, you know?", oh… When she said "baby", her voice just completely broke. I could barely hear it. I continue to look down as I feel a lump forming in my throat. I miss Uncle Alex like crazy... "And he did the same when your father left..." She admits to me, going to the topic about how my uncle was protective. Which I already knew as well... It honestly hurts to hear all of this so soon after his tragic death. I still haven’t digested it. It’s still not real to me. I still think I will see him today or tomorrow or the day after tomorrow... But it seems to make mom feel better by saying those words to me, by recounting her memories. So, I'll listen carefully. Or I'll try, at least… If I don't break before too. Her pain is so profound… And shared.

- Mom, you don't have to tell me all of this now. Let some time pass. It's hurting you, I say with a slight pleading tone, hoping she will listen to me. I know it's hard to not think about it or to not want to talk about it. But I just think it's too soon for her. And for me... She can't turn the page in a finger snap. It’s impossible. Even if she feels like she did or she has to do it, it might not be the best way.

- "I love you, MC. You're my baby girl." She says over the phone, sniffling sadly again. I nod even though she doesn't see me. I am staring at the floor, my sight being blurry. Not again...

- I love you so much, mom, I reply to my mother, controlling my voice as much as possible despite the tight ball in my throat. She doesn’t need to know that I’m about to cry too. I hear her sniffling behind the phone call again followed by a new sob. I can't… Look, I have to go, mom, but I'll come see you later today, okay? I'll come with a little surprise, I tell her gently, wanting and feeling the need to cheer her up. I just want my mother to be happy again.

- "A surprise? You know I don't like surprises much, MC.", She replies with a mix between her crying and a faint chuckle before reminding me how she has always hated surprises. I know…

- That's why I'm bringing you one, I answer to my mom, cracking a smile to the sound of her faint chuckle.

- "You're a little Devil, just like your uncle... What's the surprise?" She begins to say before pausing. It's true, I got a little bit of him too. I guess it's because he sort of raised me and because I'm a (l/n) as well.

- Mom, if I tell you there would be no point for me to call it a surprise, wouldn't it? I answer with a gentle and playful tone before giggling. I hear her crying turning into giggles.

- "I tried. Okay, go to work, baby, and... I'll do a few things here... I'll try. Oh, and I ordered the flowers you asked me to pick for your uncle." She responds with another small chuckle before sniffling one more time. I smile a little more, glad to hear that I managed to make her smile a little bit despite the situation. She ordered the flowers… My smile grows a little more, glad about this news.

- Okay, call me if you need me for anything. Doesn't matter if I work or not, okay? I love you, mom, I reply sincerely to my mother, giving her a little cheerful tone.

- "I will. I love you too, baby. See you later.", She says back to me, sounding a little better then when I answered the phone. I smile and wait a few seconds before hanging up. Right… I feel like I have another long day coming… I let a long sigh out, as if I am trying to get rid of a weight on my shoulders, before wiping the tears in my eyes. Well, I've got to get ready...

Almost an hour later, I am on my way to work. Like every day, I see the same streets, the same cars, the same shops, the same streetlights… Of course, I am not going there with an ounce of motivation. I’d rather stay home or go anywhere else, but not there. I’m not saying being a waitress is the worst job, but my boss and some clients are actually really hard to deal with. Anyway…

I rapidly reach the back door of the restaurant I work at and enter the building which leads to the kitchen. The cooks and the waitresses are all here, ready to work. Oh, almost… I hold the door for Angie and she runs in, thanking me at the same time. We exchange a smile and get ready to start working. The clients should start coming soon… It's been three months since my boss decided to expand the restaurant to include a little coffee shop. I think it was a good idea, a good change in Duskwood. It was a test at first to see if people would like it. The clients seemed satisfied so that’s why I am here so early every morning now.

- MC! I look up immediately after hearing a gravelly voice yelling my name. My boss walks briskly towards me, a frown of madness plastered over his face. As usual... What time does my watch indicate? He asks me while showing me his watch on his right wrist. What…?

- 8:01am.? I answer, not sure where this is going.

- You were supposed to be here at 8:00a.m.. Not at 7:59a.m., not at 8:01a.m., but at 8:00a.m.! Is it so hard to understand in your dummy brain? He tells and asks me with madness, actually scolding me for arriving one minute late. As always, he raises his voice while talking, making sure everyone can hear who is commanding here. I guess you see what I meant when I said that I wasn’t very motivated to come to work...

- I'm sorry, boss, I simply say as I don’t want to argue nor lose my job. Well, it’s mainly that I’m not up to an argument right now… I have other things to think about. To worry about.

- Don't. Since you came late, you'll go home late. You're finishing at 6p.m. today, he tells me with a correcting tone, looking down on me. He’s joking, right? 6pm?

- What? You're making me do three extra hours for one minute late? I demand him with disbelief as I’m getting upset.

- And you're not paid for those, he points out seriously, still speaking as loud as before. Not paid?! Better and better...

- Sir, I can’t work extra hours today. I have to go see my mom this afternoon after work. My uncle passed away yesterday and I have to help for the funerals and… I explain to my boss with seriousness, going up against him. I mean, I can be shy and quiet and all, just don’t take me for an idiot or play with me.

- That's not a valuable excuse. Get to work before I change my mind and actually fire you for rebellion, he orders me seriously and sternly. Right… I look down, not responding to not receiving any consequences later. Everyone, back to work! he screams to all of his employees before walking away to do his life. Dick!

- Don't listen to this cold hearted dick, MC, I hear Angie telling me as she comes to stand in front of me. She’s a little taller than me. If you need to leave, then do. I'll cover for you. I knew something wasn't right yesterday but we barely crossed paths so I couldn't ask you what was wrong. I'm really sorry about your uncle, MC, she apologizes sincerely to me as she puts her hand on my shoulder. Angie is one of the only workers I get well along with here. Yeah, nothing goes well in this restaurant… It’s sad because it could have its potential. I smile at my friend while weakly nodding.

- Thanks, Angie, I thank her sincerely as I place my hand on top of hers. She smiles and nods back before the two of us take separated ways to go do our work.

The morning passed pretty quickly to be fair. I prefer when it’s like this. Working and watching the time pass is one of the worst feelings. There were so many clients this morning that I didn’t have time to get bored. It’s actually pretty rare that there are so many people coming in the morning. I mean, it’s still a little buzzy usually but not this much. I hope that will put my boss in a good mood and he’ll kind of forget the late minute thing this morning… Right, even I don’t believe this… I take the plates and cutleries that customers have left to clear the table. I clean it well and let other customers settle in. The noon hour and 1pm are the worst. There is often a line of customers waiting for a table but it goes on pretty well usually. Anyway… It’s time for my break. I put the dirty dish and cutleries in the bassin which is on a cart to later go to the kitchen.

- Hi, I turn around to look at the person who is not so unfamiliar to me, I'm looking for a pretty (h/c) with crazy (e/c) in which you would easily get lost in. Have you seen her around? says and asks me, a man, using a flirtatious and slight playful tone at the same time. I smile and softly laugh while nodding.

- Yeah, I think she went back to the kitchen a little while ago. But I don’t know where she went after, I reply playfully to my friend as I point towards the kitchen. The man softly laughs back before passing his hand in his long hair which isn't in a ponytail or a bun for once. How dare he look so good?

- How are you, Gorgeous? Asks me gently, Phil, as we are facing one another.

- I’m good. I have the same problem as last night, but I’m good. You? I answer with a very faint sigh as I keep a small smile before asking him.

- I'm good, thanks, he responds, having that damn smirk in the corner of his lips. The two of us stare at each other for a little moment, a smile on our face. I can’t really explain why or how, but seeing him here, now, like we said last night, makes me happy. So, is it still on for having lunch together or...? He asks me, a point of nervousness heard in his voice. He isn’t sure of himself which is so rare to see.

- Yes… I begin to tell him before hearing a gravelly voice calling for me.

- MC! I turn around and see my boss approaching us. Oh… No time for talking! Get back to work! He tells me harshly in front of Phil. Oh God… So awkward! I know I have said stories to my friends about my boss, but none of them actually saw the man talking to me that way. And I wish it wouldn’t have been Phil seeing and hearing him talking to me this way. What is he going to think?

- You're seriously letting that dumbass talking to you this way? I hear Phil whispering lowly in my ear. His deep voice echoing in my ear… He sounded like he couldn’t just believe what he just heard. Oh but it’s real, Phil… I live it every day like all the employees here.

- It's almost 1p.m., sir. I'm on my break… I begin to respond to my boss, not forgetting that I actually want to get out of work at 3p.m and not 6p.m. I still have hope… A faint one but, it’s still there.

- Break? He repeats my word with disbelief as he is standing right before my face now. No break for you today. Come on, move! He exclaims, speaking with a mad tone as usual. If I didn’t know him, I would think he actually hate me. Which might be the case… It’s not possible to scream so much on someone without reasons, right? Ugh, is that guy ever happy? Or just calm?

- Hey! I hear Phil’s loud voice coming from behind me before I could say anything to my boss. I slightly widened my eyes in surprise as I didn’t think Phil would say something. She's your employee, not your stooge! You should watch it! He tells him with a warning tone which I’ve never really heard before. The only time I heard him using this tone was when one of his regulars overstepped the line. I look on my left as I see Jessy’s brother standing next to me, slightly getting before me. Oh… He looks so mad.

- And who might you be to talk back to me? Questions, my boss to Phil. Oh no… I glance around us and notice that customers are staring at us, watching the scene. So awkward… Before Phil could do something or say a word, and mostly before it goes too far, I grab discreetly Phil’s wrist. He doesn’t move nor look at me. My boss is still staring at Jessy’s brother. He is not pleased at all...

- Look, sir. She's been working since 8:00a.m., and it's 1p.m. in less than five minutes. You can't take off her lunch break just because you're her boss, it's against the law. But if you think you are above them, maybe we could stop by the police station to see who's right? Responds calmly and politely, Phil, all while still having this warning and serious tone. I’ve always been amazed by how polite he can stay despite the circumstances or the situation. I mean, it’s easy to lose control due to anger, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he fights.

- 30minutes. No more, tells me, my boss, reluctantly giving me a break. Thanks to Phil… I nod positively before he turns around and leaves us at a quick pace. Phil turns around before looking down at me.

- Thanks, but you didn't have to do that, Phil, I thank him with a small shy tone, yet, thankful he actually stepped in for me.

- I did and I wanted to. But honestly, that guy deserved more than just a "talk", he replies with sincerity and seriousness. While talking about my boss, I could hear the madness in his voice. I nod understandingly as I give him a small smile, appreciating it for standing up for me. It’s not every day it happens. Come on, he suddenly tells me with his infectious smile. I don't answer. Instead, my smile grows wider while the two of us walk through the restaurant to reach the outside. Oh, he has a bag! How did I not see it?

[pompadourpink]

Hi mum! Im sorry this is gonna be a long ask, i dont have anyone to tell this. So im will start my senior year in high school next month. And at the end of the year i will take an exam to enter univerisities, which is held only once a year. I have to decide my orientation this week, its either stem+ med and other stuff like this, or law psychology is on another choice. We have 4 options. I am going to go crazy. I have been trying to pick one for a year and couldnt. Now i have only one week. Ive tried everything, we talked with my parents so many times. But still nothing. And my psychology is not really good now because of this, so i dont want to make the most important decision of my life in a headspace like this. Im just so scared. I have panic attacks during the night. I didnt tell my family about this, theyre already worried enough. So i am a "gifted kid" but its not a gift, it is a curse. I have pressure on me, everyone expects me to be successful. And im scared of wasting my potential. What am i going to do? Please show me a way out. I literally cant sleep at night

Hello darling,

You didn't give me all the options or talked about your own preferences so it would be hard to rationally guide your decision.

1/ Don't pick a degree or a job title, pick a career.

Most people specialise in one subject and become references in their field because they work on it until they become excellent. Mine is obviously French (language, literature, culture, history, etc.), and it's always been the case: I started reading when I was three, was known as the school's book worm and claimed I wanted to become a French teacher when I was 8. Fast-forward twenty years: ta-ta!

It is reasonable to think that you already have the answer. That there is in your life that one thing that makes you happy, that never feels like a burden, that you can do/ramble about for hours. If not, you need to explore the world until you find it. It's there, somewhere, waiting to be discovered. No one is devoid of fire.

2/ Don't expect a smooth ride.

It is highly unlikely that you will get your dream job immediately and stay there for the rest of your life (you wouldn't be hired without experience, they might not be hiring at all in your area, your goals might change and you could decide to move, etc.). What will probably happen is that you'll get a job, and another, and another, and then you'll have the experience needed to apply to your dream job and hopefully you will get it. And even then things might happen or you could have a change of heart.

3/ Nothing is definitive.

You always have a choice. You can always change your mind, drop out, start again, do something completely different, take a month off to think, go back to university when you're thirty, start a business, move continents, etc. Whatever decision you will take this week doesn't trace the one path you will have to walk on for the rest of your life. Think of life as a tree, not a straight line.

4/ You're in charge.

Not your parents. I have been that gifted child crushed under pressure and it didn't do any good. You don't even have to go to university. You could become a video editor, a hairdresser, or a cook. You are the one living in this brain and this body for the rest of your life, no one else, so what others think doesn't matter.

Now, my advice.

Get in touch with a teacher you like and see if you can have more time, or if there's a possibility you can change your mind later this year and possibly pick another field. I can guarantee every year there are very chill students who forget the deadline and wake up too late, yet are still be able to enrol in college. There has to be room for the unexpected and teachers know that more than anyone else.

If you're absolutely certain you want to go to uni, write down your four options and their professional prospects in one column, the things you like in a second one, and your job expectations in a third one. Do you want to work alone, in a team, in an office, outside, travel a lot, be an employee or a boss, etc. Think long-term. You will start working in a few years and won't stop for fourty years. Passion is the best tool you can have to make that time look like a smooth ride.

If you want to discuss it with me in person, dead serious, DM me your Skype @ and we can talk today or tomorrow and find a solution together. I let anxiety destroy my life for a long time and I would hate to see you make the same mistake.

Love,

Mum

[werebutch]

For me, everything really got so much better when I turned 18. There's a bit of an adjustment for the first little bit as you start to learn what it means to be an adult, but it honestly brings good things.

Advice time!

1. Get some kind of storage, and keep all your important documents there. Any tax receipts, passports, proof of employment, ect. When you move, it rules to just open a drawer and have all that stuff ready to go. Obviously also make this a secure storage, if you can

2. Cooking! Even the higher-end dishes can be cheaper than eating out almost anywhere. Provided you don't live in a food desert - those are worth moving to a different city to get out of. If you're completely unknowledgable, refried bean burritos, steamed vegetables, stir fries, and most breakfast food are good ones for people just starting out. I've been cooking since forever, and anyone is always welcome to message and ask for recipies, fyi! Also while you're learning stuff, fixing clothes is a great one to pick up if you have the change. In general, how to fix things is always worth learning if you can.

3. Don't feel like you need to move out just because you're old enough to do it! If your parents are people you like (or don't really mind at least), consider staying with them and focusing on building up finances. If you need to get out, see if you can join a rental group, especially queer-focused ones. It's always cheaper to rent with roommates. Keep in mind that living with other people is a skill that takes time to develop and there will be road bumps.

4. There's a lot of new things to do & try! Hell yes. Don't feel like you need to do any of them, just because they're easier/legal to do. Especially for drugs (including alcohol) and sex (especially kink / risky sex). If you do want to try a new thing, start with a smaller amount. Doing something too much or too intensely can really be a rough experience, and doing something in a small amount will let you get a good feel for it, while keeping your head clear enough to understand what's happening.

5. Fuck rules and manners. Learn how to say no to people, its the best skill to have. Also, learn how to say yes - specifically when you're offered help, or free things, or any act of kindness. If someone is offering something, it's often because they'd legitimately be happy to see you have it.

6. Go thrifting! Buying high quality used clothes, instead of fast fashion, will have a much longer life span. Go to shitty little music shows! Go to dingy diners at 2am! But also take care and joy in taking care of yourself. Self maintenance will seriously make everything else much easier, and getting into the habit early will really help.

7. Whenever you move out, you'll be in a totally different environment, and that's really spooky. The first 3 or 4 nights will likely feel scary, and like you made the wrong decision. Big changes are hard, and leaving the consistency of your home is intimidating. Normally, I always say trust your gut instincts, but this one is usually wrong. Humans are built to survive, and your brain doesn't trust new things. Once you've lived there a week or so, you'll love the place. If you still feel like you shouldn't be living somewhere after 3 weeks or so, you should start looking, if you can afford it. Keeping a good and healing space is serious a #1 priority.

8. You may have been lied to about credit cards. My parents, teachers, and a bunch of people basically hammered home "don't get a credit card or you'll lose all your money". I didn't get one for so long, and I was honestly so proud. But, it was a struggle! Occasionally a place will only accept credit, and it'll suck to be locked out of them. Also, you won't build good credit that way. My recommendation is to get a card that doesn't have any fees (doesn't matter about points or whatever) and just use it for 1 or 2 of your purchases a month, that you know you can easily afford, they really don't need to be big. Pay it off immediately. If you end up taking out any loans, pay them on time! Most people recommend paying the maximum amount off of a loan each month, but as a new adult, it'll be ok if you want to hold onto more of your money, and only pay the minimum each month. That's totally OK, just do it on time! As long as you do this, you'll have really good credit.

9. Own it! You're in control now. For me, the simple little thing of picking out my own hand soaps is something I treasure. It's your life, and it looks like it now! You can get posters, fairy lights, plants, anything! Give your space some personality, make it feel like yours! Note- posters feel a little dingy after a while, even new ones. If you have some you like especially, buy some frames for them, or get them as tapestries. Both feel way fancier and more adult. But posters are cheaper, so you can get way more of them.

10. Once you're out of school, it'll be a bit harder to make friends. The best way to do it is to go to social events, like board game nights, hobby groups, ect. Anything with a shared interest means you'll likely find some people you vibe with. Don't feel like you need a ton of friends! Just a few is fine, you want to make sure they're people you truly like being around, that are good friends to have.

11. Oh shit also get vaccinated before you do any of that social stuff. Also,,, maybe look into health insurance. It's a seriously good investment, (more if you're in USA, in Canada it's not needed quite as much. Dental, on the other hand, is definetly worth getting). If you're on your parents insurance, stay on that for as long as possible! It's free baby!

12. Don't try to become what you thing an adult "needs" to be. It's your life, being an adult can be whatever you want it to look like! And, honestly, the first step of being an adult just looks a lot like being a teenager, just with a bit of change every year or so. Take it slow, and put yourself first.

13. That's it! There's probably a bit more I could put on here, but this feels good. I'm open to questions! If this ends up getting posted, this includes other people too! It's a scary process, but it can be a really good thing, and it has been for so many people I know. Good luck, be safe, have fun!

this is super helpful once I start wanting to move out, but I’m not quite there yet :) thank u tho this rlly helps me prepare lol

[voidstilesplease]

By the Angel, TALK

Warning: THIS IS AN ANTI-CLARY AND JACE SPOILER RANT because I need an avenue to let out some of the steam I've been holding off since starting City of Fallen Angels. So PLEASE SKIP AHEAD because I don't want to burden you all with my reading woes.

This thing centers on the beginning of Chapter 9: From Fire Unto Fire and a little bit of Chapter 8. About eight pages of bad, bad romance set me off.

To start,

The rest is under the cut, so you can go away now.

So, what's been happening to Clary and Jace thus far?

This book introduced them now as an official couple, picking up from the end of TMI Book 3: City of Glass. I don't remember their every scene since then to the point in Chapter 9 where I stopped, but basically, they're having relationship issues early on. They're less than two months into their relationship, and the drama is too frickin much. 

Jace has these weird dreams about murdering Clary and waking up guilty about his subconscious thoughts, so he goes angsting about it and avoiding her, snapping at her, being a total dick, and still question why people think they are on the brink of a break-up. 

So, Jace goes with Simon in the next few scenes, in his plight to get away from her as far as possible, yet still be somehow close by being around Clary's best friend to "protect" him, so his distant behavior will be reasonable and forgivable. Yeah, make that make sense. 🙄 But of course, one way or another, they're going to have to get to the confrontation part (that I still wish had been equivalent to an actual break-up), and so that's when Chapter 8 & 9 enters.

Chapter 8: Walk in Darkness pp. 185-186

Almost instantly, the light went out of them, and the remaining color drained out of his face. "I thought --- Simon said you weren't coming." ¹

[...] "So you only came because you thought I wouldn't be here? [...] Were you ever planning on talking to me again? [...] If you're going to break it off, the least you could do is tell me, not just stop talking to me and leave me to figure it out on my own."

"Why does everyone keep goddamn asking me if I'm going to break up with you? [...]²

First, what an asshole?! 

[1] So Jace finally in-your-face's Clary and confirms that he has been keeping his distance like Clary has the plague. He then has the audacity to [2] be annoyed for being questioned on his intentions of keeping the relationship that he has been actively evading for days!

I get that Jace sucks in romantic relationships and has been fucked up by his daddy-issues, but he has the Lightwoods. Heck, Alec is his parabatai. He sees working relationships, so he has to have known that you don't just stop talking to people close to you and have them not question the behavior, whether you're trying to pull away from them or not. Otherwise, then Jace is dumb for all that he's marketed as the "best" Shadowhunter in his age. Screw that.

---

“You talked to Simon about us?" Clary shook her head. "Why? Why aren't you talking to me?"

"Because I can't talk to you," Jace said. "I can't talk to you, I can't be with you, I can't even look at you."³

[3] Way to make a girl feel special, Jace. Oh, no, yeah. He's trying to do the opposite and push her away with some teenage boy angst that doesn't make any sense. Like, who says that, though, aside from dramatic love interests that can't make a better excuse for going emo? 

That line IS TOO DRAMATIC that it hurts, ugh. 🤮

Anyway, so Clary walks out after that. I don't sympathize with her, but I'd do the same. Who wouldn't? Unless you freeze in the ridiculousness of the situation, that is, which is also likely.

Chapter 9: From Fire Unto Fire pp. 190-195

Now, here's the real shit. I want to quote this entire six-page scene back to Cassie and scream at her.

Clary reached the door and burst out into the rain-drenched evening air. [...] and was about to race across the street against the light when a hand caught her arm and spun her around.

It was Jace. [...] "Clary, didn't you hear me calling you?"

"Let go of me." Her voice shook.

"No. Not until you talk to me."⁴

[4] DUDE, what even happened to your I CAN'T TALK TO YOU, I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU speech, huh? Be consistent for once, apart from your douchebag routine. Make up your mind, Jace.

---

Still holding her by the arm, he half-dragged her around the van and into a narrow alley that bordered the Alto Bar. ⁵

[5] Man, I love a bit of rough loving in my literature, but I'm so pissed at you, Jace, don't even. Lay the hell off.

---

"I was going to tell you that I was trying to help out Simon. [...]

"And you couldn't tell me? Couldn't text me a single line letting me know where you were?"⁶ [...]

[...]

"I think," he said slowly, "that I thought that the closest thing to being with you was being with Simon. Watching out for him. I had some stupid idea that you'd realize I was doing it for you and forgive me---"⁷

[6] Addressing the lack of communication, that's a great path to follow. These two need to talk so bad. [7] But this line? Sucks Balls. You could be with her, Jacey, and save all the readers your drama if you only pull your head out of your ass and try to communicate. It's like you're allergic to it.

---

She took a step back, blindly, and nearly tripped over an abandoned speaker. Her bag slid to the ground as she put her hand out to right herself, but Jace was already there. He moved forward to catch her, and kept moving until her back hit the alley wall, and his arms were around her, and he was kissing her frantically.⁸

[8] Not only is this achingly cheesy, but it's also totally not the way they should be going off about their situation. They were already talking -arguing, yes, but they're still using words to reach out, and their relationship absolutely cannot be healthy without them. Thus far, they have spoken so less in comparison with the times they've spent canoodling. They're not solving anything by having drama on one second and getting it on with dramatic kissing on the next.

I don't care what Clary says about being so lost in love with Jace. He's treating her like shit. The least he can do is give her answers that she has the right to demand from him. Kissing is not an answer. But, well, maybe to Clary, it is because the next parts from page 192 to 194 are spent on softcore porn in a dark alley under the frickin rain. I bet that's a very romantic setting in their minds, huh.

---

And now this part:

It was nerve-wracking. She could feel the feverish heat that came off him; her hands were still on his shoulders, but it wasn't enough. She wanted him wrapped around her, holding her tight. "W-why," she breathed. "can't you talk to me? Why can't you look at me?"

He ducked his head down to look into her face. His eyes, surrounded by lashes darkened with rainwater, were impossibly gold.

"Because I love you."⁹

[9] Is that supposed to make me tingle? SET ME ON FIRE, but that is the lousiest I love you in books that I have ever read. AND IT'S THE ONLY ONE THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, at all!

Shut up with this, can you please. It's not romantic at all. It's a dumb excuse and an even dumber love from the two dumbest people in this whole frickin series. Oh my god.

Clary, realistically, will frown at this answer. She will pull the hell away and spat him in the face with how demeaning his love is if it can make her sick to the stomach with thinking he has already gone bored and is only cooking the perfect way to cut off their connection. He hasn't given her a sound reason, only desperate declarations of love like he's trying to convince them both that it's true. And it doesn't make sense how she's still plastered around him in the cold, trying to convince the readers that every word from Jace has deeper meanings that she understands no matter how gibberish they are. I'm not buying that, okay? Stop selling your larger-than-life connection bullshit because that isn't real.

You've only been together for two months, okay? The strongest you can feel for each other is lust. And it's showing.

---

His hands slid down to her waist and he kissed her, long and lingering, making her shudder.

She pulled away, "That doesn't make any sense."

"Neither does this," he said, "but I don't care. I'm sick of trying to pretend I can live without you. Don't you understand that? Can't you see it's killing me?"¹⁰

She stared at him. She could see that he meant what he said [...] Her desire for answers battled the more primal part of her brain, and lost. "Kiss me then,"¹¹

[10] NOBODY THREATENED YOU UNDER BLADE TO DO THAT BULLSHIT, so shut the hell up with the whining. [11] and Clary, I am so disappointed. You've both just drained me, and I'm dry inside like a raisin.

The next paragraphs describe their very erotic kissing against the wall. Jace, propping her up and her legs around his waist bull crap. Seriously? Am I supposed to believe these two are, what sixteen?- up until Isabelle thankfully ruins their moment by kicking a garbage can that would look better with Jace and Clary in it tbh.

---

And the nastiest horseshit of all:

Clary looked at Jace. At any other time, they would have laughed together at Isabelle's moodiness, but there was no humor in his expression, and she knew immediately that whatever they had had between them ---whatever had blossomed out of his momentary lack of control--- it was gone now. [...]

"Jace---" she took a step toward him.

"Don't," he said, his voice very rough. "I can't."¹²

And then he was gone [...]

[12] No, I frickin CANNOT. His actions keep on contradicting his words, and he's fickle and can't decide which mood to settle, and it's so exhausting, honestly. He wasted a few pages for a cosmic, meaningless declaration of feelings. They're empty words. At this point, I believe the writing only strives to convince the readers that these characters care for each other but is shitty at showing it.

It's not love, because they say it is love.

---

I was already gaining hope for this book, and then one simple few-pages scene with clace squishes it, smearing the innards on my face.

Honestly, TALK OR TAKE A BREAK. This back and forth can't continue throughout the rest of the book or -heaven forbid- the rest of the series. Or at least, put these characters in the background if they really must drag on this problem, because I care not a lick.

Bye.

[btskismet]

Kismet (Chapter 19): A BTS Jin Imagines Fanfic

First ever fanfic. Contains some fluff and smut. Please read sequentially as it is a long story arc. Please provide feedback! My IG is btskismet.

November 8, 1944

Jun-seok was greeted by the pleasant-looking soldier who was speaking with the woman earlier. He was taller than Jun-seok and had a nice smile. His dimples were showing and his build looked like that of a model - long legs and a long torso. If he wasn't in the military, he could be modeling suits or even come across as a lounge singer.

"Konnichiwa, Ittohei Sakurai. Watashi wa Jun-i Watanabe Nama." (Hello, Private Sakurai. I am Warrant Officer Nama Watanabe), the officer introduced himself with a bow.

Jun-seok bowed back and introduce himself with his Japanese name.

"Touma-san, it's good to have another soldier here who studied machinery very well. I've been waiting for your arrival. We badly need someone to help us repair the planes.", Watanabe said. This made Jun-seok smile as he was getting excited with the chance of looking at a fighter plane's engine.

"Has the Captain brief you on the other orders?", Watanabe inquired. Jun-seok's mood then changed to be quite serious. "Yes. I'll make sure to do what is asked.", Jun-seok replied.

Watanabe then patted Jun-seok's shoulder. "Don't worry, I will help you. I'll tell you more about the other soldiers so you know who to approach. I personally approve of this idea, even though the Captain doesn't."

Watanabe then brought Jun-seok inside the sundries shop to gather his supplies. They then walked to the barracks.

"You see, I've spoken to some of the soldiers in Akagi-san's platoon.", Watanabe expressed as they were walking side by side. "Some of the newer ones are quite scared of him and they are being forced to do what he wants. There are about half of the soldiers who are very loyal to him since they were part of his platoon from the very beginning. But there are newer ones who don't understand his orders."

Jun-seok contemplated on this for a few minutes. The newer soldiers will be easier to sway and he just needed to befriend them.

"The Captain doesn't believe that the minds of the soldiers can be changed but I do. After talking to them privately for the past few weeks, I can see that Akagi-san's hold on all of them is weakening. We just need someone to further break that hold.", Watanabe said with a harder pat on Jun-seok's shoulder when he said his last statement.

"I'll do my best, Jun-i.", he said to Watanabe.

Jun-seok suddenly had to urge to ask Watanabe about the beautiful woman he was speaking with, seeing that he seems to be the talkative type. But he hesitated. He didn't want the officer to think he had women on the brain. Next time I'll ask, he thought to himself.

------

The barracks were at least 2 kilometers away from town. It wasn't hard to walk the distance as they met more soldiers along the way. There were fields around the area with farmers picking out coffee fruits from the plants as well.

As he was looking at the fields, it made sense why the army wanted to have them converted into tarmac. They were the only expansive areas of land in the densely populated area of the town. The land was also hilly and there weren't that many long stretches of plains to build somewhere else. So, the fields had to go.

How the Major was going to convince the Mayor about giving up the fields would be a difficult task - it wouldn't be easy to take out these swaths of land, especially if the farmers needed it. He didn't see many plantations but the few he saw were really fertile as many farmers kept picking the fruits and left the field with baskets full of the fruit.

Watanabe brought him to his quarters at the barracks. He asked as to why he was staying alone and no one was bunking with him. "This is actually a storage area converted to your quarters. It's connected to the kitchen. I'm sorry if we couldn't get you a regular bunk with the other soldiers. The last rebel attack hit our existing quarters and we're still rebuilding.", Watanabe said, with a slight scratch to the back of his head.

Jun-seok was actually happy he was alone. He knew he had to connect with the soldiers of Akagi's platoon soon but for the first few days of his arrival to the country, he really wanted time for himself. He hasn't had a chance to sit down and really take all of it in ever since he arrived.

"This is good, Jun-i Watanabe. I will feel comfortable here. Does the cook stay near here too?"

Watanabe shook his head. "No, he's on the other side of the main quarters. You'll have to wait for him before you could eat. Unless you can cook..."

"I can.", Jun-seok said as he was looking at the food items inside the quarters. "If the cook needs help, I can help him out."

"Ha! Will wonders ever cease. You're a jack of all trades, Ittohei.", Watanabe said. "Let's not share that with the cook then. He's good but I know cooking is his passion and he doesn't want others to bother or compete with him. The food has been... edible with the scarce ingredients we have and we can get. Might hurt his feelings, you know, if he knew you can cook. He replaced the last one since Matsuyo-san... well..."

Jun-seok understood why Watanabe trailed off. The previous cook probably was someone dear to him if he couldn't even mention that the man died. Sadness could be seen on Watanabe's face as his fingers traced over cans of soup.

"If you have time to cook, then maybe we can all eat better. Hehe...", Watanabe said with a slight smirk to change the somber mood his silence brought.

"I'll leave you for now. Please report to my office this afternoon so you can start on knowing your tasks. I will need to check tomorrow how many planes are back for repair. I think we can bring them closer to the camp. Without the tarmac close to us, we got to be more creative in getting things done. "

"Hai, Jun-i. Domo arigato gozaimasu.", Jun-seok replied with a low bow.

-----

Jun-seok spent the rest of the day going around the barracks and the camp surrounding it. He wanted to make sure he was familiar with his surroundings. He wouldn't want to be caught in a blind spot or be trapped somewhere if an attack happened. So, he made sure he knew where the armory was at. He would be getting his service pistol tomorrow but that wasn't an assurance in case of a rebel siege.

He didn't have a chance to meet the other soldiers he was supposed to investigate and convince since they were out for rounds around the perimeter. So, he was able to enjoy dinner by himself. He had some fish and rice from the store he went to that morning and some pickled vegetables. Eating them made him miss his mother's kimchi.

-------

Jun-seok joined the squad that morning on their way to the perimeter line closest to the coffee fields.

The squad went to the storage area/his quarters that early morning and were startled to see him there. They went there to pick up supplies for the squad near the perimeter, which was also known as a hotspot for surprise rebel attacks. Jun-seok asked if he could come with them to check it out. Jun-i Watanabe went to the next town that morning to check the planes and he did say Jun-seok should wait until he finds a way to get the damaged planes closer to the barracks.

The squad agreed in having him join them as long as he helped bring the food.

Lugging a sack of rice on his back (and they made him work by giving him the heaviest bag), he came to know the small squad of 4 soldiers. They've been in the town for almost 6 months but they were originally deployed in the capital.

"Man, I feel lucky we're here now. In the capital, almost every other day, we were fighting with rebels. I hardly got any sleep when we were there. And the locals weren't as helpful or friendly than the ones here.", one of the soldiers shared.

"Yeah, Shosa's good relationship with the Mayor here is paying off. I haven't paid for much of my supplies from the merchants. They don't mind giving stuff for free. So I'm able to keep my money so I can send it back home.", another soldier shared happily in their conversation.

Jun-seok was starting to feel more at ease being assigned to this area. He experienced that nice hospitality as well yesterday. So, it wasn't just a random thing.

Even I have this unsettling task to do, at least it won't be too hard if the locals were friendly, he thought to himself. This made him feel more confident.

That confidence was about to wane soon though.

A light drizzle started and with the skies slightly dark, rain was bound to come. He felt relieved that wearing the extra jacket on top of his uniform wasn't a waste when he took it as an afterthought before he left camp.

As they approached the perimeter near the coffee fields, they heard angry shouts coming from the forested area close to the field. They couldn’t make out what was going on from afar so they decided to go into the forest.

What Jun-seok saw made his heart sink.

--- to be continued - -

[my1stgirlfriendturnedintothemoon]

Writing is so weird for me to be so honest

Like I've been writing for as long as I can remember, fanfic shit before I even knew what fanfic was, me and my friend Sarah used to tell each other stories about our HP self insert OCs in like 5th grade. I have a whole plastic storage tub of notebooks filled with random fanfic and original writing going back to middle school. I'm 29. Some of those notebooks are old enough to vote.

And I've never finished anything lmao. Even stuff where I'm like "this is a oneshot!" I never considered really finished, because there's always some other connected idea.

Anyways I haven't shared any of my writing outside of like, posting things here on tumblr that I know only 3 specific people will read, since like. Before I joined the army??? I think?? Back when I was still using ff net lmao and it was like old Naruto and KH stuff and the one Yume Nikki fic I still wish I had finished, so like 8 years I think.

I hadn't even really been writing much at all this year, outside of a really self-indulgent Warden Surana/Warden Carver Hawke fic that never left my phone notes and will never see daylight bc it's just for me. And then I started replaying FE:A in July and realized I wanted to write about Inigo and Gerome, and I did it! I fuckin opened up my neglected AO3 and I spit out two chapters, and like 300 people read my story and I lost my mind! Three Hundred People! More than my damn high school graduating class. I never in my life would have thought 300 people would want to read my writing lmao

And then of course FE3H dropped and I was like. This is a new fandom, there's not a lot of content out for the ship I want to see, I have a small idea of something I would like to read, I should write it. I'm going to cook this food because the fandom is hungry. And my small idea wound up being a fucking 5k fic, my first smut fic ever, and today it got its hundredth bookmark. 100 fucking people read and bookmarked my horny fic in just one month. Two days after I posted that, I spit out a comedy fic that is currently THREE SHORT of FIVE HUNDRED kudos!!!! Five (5) hundred!!! Like, I'm Math Lady Meme over here trying to imagine 500 different individuals reading and enjoying something I wrote. That is TWICE my graduating class.

So of course, not satisfied with what I had produced, I went out and wrote a 6k fic of a rare pair that was basically entirely smut and the start of a series, because my brain is 100% on Clown Hours, and then made the second part a complete left-field crackpair, and people. Still love it. No one has come to end my life, no one has come with the torches my LJ and FFnet childhood promised. Instead they are praising me and I appreciate it but I still feel like a huge fool lmao!!

Like I'm so scared of negative feedback that I have literally stopped myself from writing things or sharing things for years, and in just one month of sharing things I have gotten so much positive response its overwhelming. I've seen my fics mentioned twice now in the wild while scrolling Twitter, by complete strangers. I bit the bullet and recced one of my fic to someone asking for my rare pair and people like it! I am pretty sure my first smut fic spawned a gift fic for someone else who commented they were interested in a rare OT3 I hinted at!

Anyways I've spent the last week alternately rereading everything I've written this month and going "fuck what the hell this is bile" or feeling like the Palpatine "Unlimited Power" gif even though this is the most attention and 'success' I've ever known in a fandom space, so. This is literally the most productive I've been with writing in years, I've put up 20k words on AO3 since the end of July and I still have like. 6 chapters of this story finished and waiting to be posted if I can just get the damn 2nd chapter out of the way and one of them, all by itself, is 4k. I've been writing like crazy lmao.

This was kind of a ramble but I've been feeling bad about my writing because it's not like some other people's and that's stupid, I may not be writing as much or in the same way but I'm doing numbers for the first time and I should be proud of that.

Over 10k hits I'm gonna shit!!!

Anyways I guess, like. Don't be stupid like me lmao and think no one wants to hear your idea or read your fic, or feel bad if someone else has already "done it", because no one can write it the way you will and there's always going to be someone who is starving for more of that content. I personally don't feel like my stories are that good or even original, but apparently people like them lmao! Share your stuff! You may be surprised.