#this is a LEGITIMATE DILEMMA though

[bellaxgiornata]

During my rewatch of SoA - I cannot decide which version of Jax I prefer more lol Long haired Jax or short...... its such a terrible dilemma to have hahah

No, but seriously!! This is a REAL dilemma!! It happens to me EVERY TIME I watch the series over! But it's more than just long or short hairstyles that I mull over, though I think I usually personally love the later season look with his slicked back hair. If you make a decision, I'd love to hear which one wins 🤣

But every rewatch for me goes like:

Ohhh, baby pretty boy Jax. He's still got this little sweetness to him with the long hair and little bit of scruff. He's so damn cute.

Then we get depressed, troubled Jax with the longer hair and longer beard and I get hooked on him (plus bonus brief man bun).

Short haired Jax is always such a dramatic shift for me, but after a moment, I'm always feeling that Jax. Cause he seems happier and more playful than all the other seasons, so I think that draws me to him.

But then we get the longer haired, slicked back, beefier Jax in the later seasons who is so troubled and so messed up that I just find him incredibly hot. So it always ends up my favorite version of his look--and probably of him in general. He's just so dark and off the rails and I just want to destroy that perfectly styled hair...

[machveil]

thinking about how König is too big for his tiny apartment bathroom

König who has to awkwardly duck his head in the shower to rinse his hair, or he has to cup his hands to get water and pour it over his hair. he dislikes both options. sometimes he washes his hair in his kitchen sink if he doesn’t want to put up with the shower head dilemma. he uses 2-in-1 so he doesn’t have to continuously duck his head under the water. he also uses dry shampoo if he really isn’t feeling it

König who actually liked taking baths when he was a kid, but now he’s too big and muscly to fit in a tub. if there aren’t people around, or it’s a private one, König does enjoy a good sit in a hot tub. they’re usually bigger than his apartments little shower/tub combo, let’s him stretch his legs out a little more comfortably. it’s a rare occasion he actually gets to sit in one though, he’s not one to usually leave the house when he’s actually at home. he doesn’t vacation often, hot tubs are a treat for him

König who legitimately feels like a giant when he’s in his bathroom, why is that stupid room so small?

[syndrossi]

Regret AU: Part Three

Non-procrastination edition. (I submitted my resume to two places!)

Part two. Part one.

x~x~x

Willam's second dilemma of the morning presented itself quickly—the first having been navigating the toddlers’ refusal to eat anything for breakfast because they wanted to look for their mama. Do I bring them with me to the castle?

With Raymar’s coloring, introducing them as Corwyn Redfort’s orphaned sons would be met with polite laughter at best, and sharp questions at worst, and the nature of his house’s treason was such that it required a delicate approach. He did not trust Lord Grafton not to try turning the revelation to his own advantage.

The alternative was to leave them at the inn with only Lora and Jorge for protection, and although Jorge had been a man-at-arms for Runestone in his prime, he was well past such days now. Willam had turned the encounter with the toy merchants over and over in his head, trying to place the source of his unease. They could be slavers, seeking chattel for their pillow houses. Volantis’s pillow houses were less famed than those of Lys, but they were said to be numerous.

And though he assumed such establishments preferred their bed slaves young, two-years-old was very young. Even contemplating such a fate for his tiny cousins turned his stomach.

Against his better instincts, Willam left them in Lora’s care, instructing both her and Jorge to be wary of anyone showing unusual interest in their room or the twins. I will be quick. They will be alone no more than an hour or two.

He had not even needed to seek word of Prince Daemon’s current whereabouts, for the city was abuzz with his triumphant return to King’s Landing, where he had brazenly proclaimed himself King of the Stepstones and the Narrow Sea, before bestowing the crown and title upon King Viserys, who had embraced his brother and celebrated his return.

Prince Daemon being in the king’s good graces did not bode well for his house, but Willam hoped it meant that his sons would be welcomed. If they are natural-born, then perhaps the king will legitimize them.

Despite his worries, Lord Grafton evinced little curiosity about Willam’s presence, which he offered merely as a matter of house business. He graciously declined the lord’s offer of hospitality, and was shown to the rookery, where ravens to King’s Landing abounded. His fingers were steady as he affixed the letter, but his heart was heavy.

Should he have gone back to Runestone instead and confronted Rhea on the matter? Perhaps she would have agreed to speak to Prince Daemon herself. With the toddlers present and clearly attached to their aunt—or mother, if his hopes proved misplaced—would he be more inclined to mercy?

It is Rhea who I damn in writing to him directly.

He stepped back, nodding to the maester to release the raven before he could change his mind. It still haunted him that Rhea had been able to harden herself against their tears, to the point of continuing the scheme.

Elys loved them. He had seen his cousin only once after the twins’ birth, but she had spoken of them with such joy. She would want them to know such love again.

He could not say what life would have been like for them at the Gates of the Moon, but he knew that Allard would not have treasured them as they deserved.

“Is that all, young ser?” the maester asked.

Willam shook himself. There was no time for regrets; his protection was all the more important now. For a royal child, let alone two, to be unattended save for a nurse and a teamster was nigh unthinkable. Prince Daemon’s wrath should anything happen to them would fall most heavily upon Runestone. Nor would Willam forgive himself; they were no less his cousins, and the sweetest of babes.

He had accepted the offer of a fresh horse while he was in the city, and by the time he reached the Coddled Carp, he had been gone just shy of two hours. To his chagrin, Lora was awaiting him in the stables, contrary to his instructions, and when he glimpsed her face, he froze in terror.

“Ser Willam,” she said, wringing her hands. “I do not know what to do.”

x~x~x

The twins were safe. That she had assured him of after seeing him blanch, and the story came tumbling out of her as he hurriedly followed her to their rooms: the twins had grown wilder still in his absence, demanding to play in the wagon, so she and Jorge had negotiated play time there in exchange for a few bites of breakfast.

“I do not know how they got there,” Lora blurted. “I do not remember seeing them before—”

“What?” Willam demanded.

“I thought they were stones, at first,” she said. “Strange stones. And the boys were enthralled by them.”

“Stones?” he asked sharply, recalling the toy merchant’s unnerving trick.

Lora pushed the door to his room open, and his shoulders relaxed at seeing both children sitting by the hearth, babbling to one another while Jorge looked on from the opposite corner of the room, unusually tense. A flicker of motion drew his gaze to the space between them and the fire, and the two dark, winged shapes silhouetted by the flames.

“Dragon eggs,” Lora said, looking half-faint. “They were dragon eggs when I left.”

Not anymore. Pieces of what looked to be shavings of black and blue and bronze stone littered the floor like debris, and the tiny creatures staring curiously at the toddlers before them were unmistakably dragons, freshly hatched.

“I heard a crack,” Jorge said, his eyes fixed warily upon the newborn dragons. “And then—”

By the gods.

Willam approached slowly, in a daze. Upon closer scrutiny, he could see that one was a deep blue, its scales tipped delicate silver; the other was resplendent in Royce colors, a striking black with patches of copper along the inner wing and chest. One of the hatchlings let out a small shriek as he drew close, and Raymar turned, eyes brightening as they landed on Willam.

“She’s hungry,” he said. Then, after a moment of reflection. “I’m hungry.”

“Me too!” Jon announced. “And so is Shadow.”

“Shadow?” Willam repeated.

Jon shot him a patient look. “That’s his name.”

“I see.” Willam continued to stare at the hatchlings, backing up slightly to see if Raymar’s hatchling would calm. “And what have you named yours, Raymar?”

Their hatchlings. Their dragons. The absurdity of the situation had yet to fully dawn upon him. Where could they possibly have found dragon eggs?

Raymar patted at the little blue dragon’s head. “Qelebrys.”

Valyrian again, he assumed. Willam turned back to Lora. “The eggs were in the wagon?” He had assisted Jorge last night in unloading their travel chests into their rooms at the inn. If there had been dragon eggs, surely he would have noticed.

“On the seats, no less,” she said.

Willam was no authority on dragon eggs, but he knew that they were jealously guarded by House Targaryen, stored and protected within the Dragonpit at King’s Landing. There had been rumors of eggs stolen years before, and whispers of threats exchanged between King Jaehaerys and the Sealord of Braavos.

This is no mere coincidence. Someone knew that the children he guarded were of Targaryen blood, and they had—left the dragon eggs? Where could anyone have even acquired dragon eggs to begin with?

The Volantenes. It must be. Old Valyria had ruled over all of Essos for centuries before its Doom. Their dragons must have left a few eggs scattered throughout the land. They would have become mere curiosities, without their dragonlords. Whimsical trinkets for men of wealth and power to put on display.

The toy merchants must have guessed as to the boys’ identities somehow. But why leave the dragon eggs? Is it a message?

A pathetic-sounding cry escaped one of the hatchlings, breaking him from his thoughts. The twins gazed at him reproachfully. Right, everyone is hungry.

He took a breath. “Lora, go to the kitchens and ask for a tray of simple meat, unseasoned.” What did dragons eat? “Mutton, preferably. And something for the children.”

For the first time, Willam found himself longing for Daemon Targaryen’s arrival. This is a matter for House Targaryen.

Then a horrific thought occurred to him. What if they believe the eggs to be ours?

Rhea choosing to hide Prince Daemon’s sons would no longer appear the product of years of bitter marriage, but a plot by House Royce to raise dragons and dragonriders of their own in secret. They would burn us all for that, down to the last child. There would be no other choice.

An even more terrifying thought followed. I have two tiny dragons, and two toddlers bonded to them. What power in this world wouldn’t be tempted to seize them, if they knew? Perhaps the Volantenes had smuggled the dragon eggs into the wagon at night, hoping to see if they might hatch for two Targaryen children. That is what House Targaryen has always done, is it not? They put dragon eggs in the cradles of their children to hatch them.

“We cannot stay,” he said once Lora had returned, juggling a heavy tray of meat and stew and a bowl of berries.

They will be safe at Runestone. He had expected to remain in Gulltown until Prince Daemon arrived, but he alone could not protect the children and their dragons. I must leave word with the innkeep, so that Prince Daemon does not think that I tried to flee with them.

The boys eagerly accepted the bowl of berries, devouring them almost as ravenously as their hatchlings took to the plate of meat that Willam had carried over—quickly, mindful of the hatchlings’ mistrustful hisses—and placed beside the hearth.

“When do we leave?” Lora asked.

It was still early enough to make progress on the road, but already he found himself questioning the decision. He did not fear two toy merchants chasing after them, but he doubted they had acted alone. Either they had allies or were beholden to another power. One capable of tracking us to the inn, and slipping the eggs into the wagon.

For all that he had feared how Lord Grafton might use the situation to his advantage, the letter was already sent. The dragons were already hatched. The children could not be more obviously Targaryen princes than before. There was no secret to guard anymore. If he took them to the castle instead, there would be knights and guardsmen aplenty, and however infamous his greed, Lord Grafton knew that any misfortune befalling Daemon Targaryen’s sons beneath his roof would cost him his head.

“After the children have eaten.” Willam glanced at their berry-stained faces and shirts. “And been cleaned.”

“I can wash them, if you and Jorge would like to prepare the wagon.” But the hatchlings grew agitated as she tried to approach, and she hastily retreated.

“Allow me.” Willam did not dare let them from his sight for an instant, though he did not relish figuring out how to clean their faces without being attacked by two ferocious little dragons. “We can send for the wagon later.”

He stared at the children for a few moments. Even after so short a time with them, he could tell that they were in a rebellious mood, which meant—

Willam picked up their bear toy. “Will you help me give Ser Berry a bath?”

x~x~x

That's right, it was poll option C! You gotta build up to a kidnapping. Also, I'm pretty sure the Volantenes weren't expecting the dragon eggs to, like, insta-hatch but oh well. At least they're super sure now. Congrats on a second set of twins, Ser Willam! Good luck keeping them all safe...

Also lmao at Resonant!Jon taking a billion years to name Shadow when it was super obvious to bb!Jon. (I assume bb!Raymar leaned a bit on Rhaegar for naming his.) Daemon should thank his lucky stars that they had magical assistance in naming their hatchlings; I shudder to think what actual toddlers would have come up with. Like. Maybe Shadow. But Qelebrys would be...Star? Shadow and Star is cute, I suppose.

Now to decide if next POV should be Daemon or Ser Willam again...

[emblemxeno]

The thing that irks me the most about 3H fans and Edelstans talking about how "morally grey" their game is ends up being how they bash Fates and act mad the characters aren't 100%-rational automatons who make decisions that aren't rational. I saw Faerghast's essay on Xander, and it was insulting he insinuated it would've been more "logical" if Xander betrayed his only family to work with Corrin. Logical on what? Corrin in that route sided with the defenders and is working to your home's destruction, on top of carving a path through the Nohrians and seeing thousands of casualties in the process! He'd be right to oppose that, if on grounds to defending his own home and loved ones!

In fact, I'm going to make a take that's scathingly hot in Reddit FE or Serenes Forest, but ice cold in this blog: Fates is more morally complicated than 3H.

The core moral dilemma of Fates is legitimately complicated; maybe not 'morally grey' like people want it to be, but it's legit complex if you don't buy into the superficial black-and-white morality the game merely appears as. Hoshido and Nohr are two kingdoms full of good people worth fighting for and both of its protagonists are sympathetic; Hoshido is willfully oblivious to Nohr's starvation but is the victim in an imperialistic invasion, and Nohr suffered from a total civil war and its leader is a possessed revenant that is psychologically abusing his surviving spawn and following the whims of a mad god. From that, Corrin is thrust into a sadistic choice: abandon the only family they knew for most of their life to side with the defenders of an invasion and turn their blade on the only family that they remembered most of your childhood from, or stay with the only family that they knew of to try and save them from an abusive tyrant of a father and exert their privilege of being a royal in that kingdom to at least try and reform things internally. A genuinely complicated moral dilemma where both sides are valid, given that’s simply not an easy choice somebody can make, especially if there’s good people on both sides of the conflict. Moreover, the game actually shows you the devastation your choice causes, even in the neutral route, as no matter what path you pick, good people will be hurt and there's nothing you can really do about it.

3H, though? It not only tries to give an out for the player feeling any kind of moral culpability or having to feel bad that they may have picked the "wrong" choice, even the core moral dilemma falls flat when you cut through the obfuscation; for all of Dimitri, Claude and Rhea's many flaws, they aren't causing an imperialistic invasion to conquer the rest of the continent, kill the entirety of a race of dragons and side with the very people facilitating the conflict. And I don't want to hear from the Edelstans that "it's not that simple", because fuck you all, it is. Adrestia is invading other nations in a war that will kill thousands, see a genocide be completed and works with a bunch of scheming molemen fascists for control, and we're supposed to believe that has a moral leg to stand on? Conquest never tries to impress you that this is the morally correct choice; doing the realpolitik you had to do in Fates was the logically correct decision when it became clear you attempts at reform weren't working, but it still had a human price to such a decision and the entire point of Conquest's climax was taking responsibility for that and actually acknowledging fault for it. Something Edelgard doesn't do nor does the game allow the player to do, because it wants you to think it's so sad that Edelgard's having to "kill her fwiends :( " for a war she purposefully fucking started and will happily see thousands die if it means destroying the system that tormented her outright. I'm sorry for what Edelgard suffered but her actions will ruin the lives of thousands more and engaging in fucking imperialism will help jack shit.

For Fates, there is actually humanity in both the invader and defender, and the game makes clear that no matter what you choose, good people will die. 3H straight up thinks that's a necessity to "prove one's ideals," even when there is a fucking sense of justice, and it's not the ones engaging in imperialism. And it really just illustrates how hollow the FE fandom's idea of "grey morality"; they don't want a story where they could ever be the bad guys and the people they're fighting are possibly the good guys, they want to have an ideological standpoint that the game tells them they've made the right choice while the enemy they fight is completely in the wrong but has a sob story that makes you feel bad for fighting them, so it's A-OK, right? It's predictable as daylights if you look at how the most popular villains in the series are Berkut, the Black Knight and Lyon, people who were twisted and forced into evil and were largely sympathetic but were to be put down in the game of your ideals or some shit. Which really goes to show how childish these people are; they lost their shit over a route of a game where you weren't explicitly the good guys doing hard decisions made by hard men and actually chewed you out on the senseless loss of life and that there wasn't anything glorious to celebrate over this, even if you have objectively valid reasons to choose Conquest and moreso with the realpolitik it engaged in. Hell, many of which decried the entire route, one that hoped that it's audience would be smart enough to decipher what it says and cross-reference with what it implies to get it's core point, as the worst-written route in the series because to them it was "so stupid it hurts" despite it having a perfectly sensible explanation in context and subtext if you actually bother to pay the fuck attention and constantly critically think whether or not what the game tells you holds up or not. Which just proves a long-running cynicism of mine that people don't want the truth, they just whatever comforts their sensibilities as a player of these games, regardless of who suffers for it. If these people couldn't handle Conquest, I fucking shudder to think of what they would think of Spec Ops: The Line, the entire game about deconstructing the power fantasy of the player wanting to play the hero in a war that takes lives.

God, I hate this fandom.

I agree entirely!

I think many in the fandom have this weird twist on emotion, sentimentality and logic.

Actions performed and words said on a personal, connective level by characters in these games are given SO much shit by SO many people. Eirika trusting "Lyon" with the sacred stone, Alear bumrushing into danger, Celica being self sacrificing, etc. They tend to not be given grace by people analyzing stories, and are regarded as idiotic decisions that are poor marks on their writing.

When it comes to mass consequence though? When it comes to 3H at least, people are fucking cracked. Mass suffering in a war, with starvation, economic strangling, imperialism and human experimentation is "complicated" with "no true good side". "Everyone is a war criminal guys, stop fighting!" And when the objective sufferers of these things have their problems platformed? You get genocide deniers, you get ableist vicitm blamers, you get defenses of countries being taken hostage, you get defenses of trampling on religious freedoms, etc.

Is that moral? Is that what being a "complex epic of layered ethics" means to people?

Yet, Xander, a guy defending his kingdom from being defeated in a deadly war with his family in the crossfire is idiotic and cowardly? Because despite being an abuse victims with the greatest memory of his father being a good man and drilled with responsibilities of being a crown prince, he's still just irredeemable?

Like, is it not crazy that we give an objectively more horrible country and emperor like Adrestia and Edelgard so much more fucking grace for so many worse crimes, justifying it with trying to "change a power structure" and "correct a bloody history" that she's proven to be fucking wrong about, than we do Xander, an abuse victim with personal stakes forced into a position that he's been groomed to believe he can't run away from?

[jon-sedai]

Thinking of the most prominent succession struggles in asoiaf and realizing that a good majority of them are not even because of some evil bastard usurping their trueborn relative. Alys Karstark’s dilemma is caused by her uncle wanting to forcibly marry her and steal her birthright. Renly is Stannis’ trueborn brother and yet he declares himself king despite Stannis being older. Euron is Balon’s trueborn brother and Asha’s uncle and yet look at what he did. Littlefinger wants to use a trueborn Harry Harding to take over Sweetrobin’s rights (though not so openly). And the Dance of the Dragons was between a trueborn pair of brother and sister. And if we are to see a repeat of it, it will be between a trueborn daughter of the last Targaryen king (Dany) and a trueborn son (Aegon) of the previous crown prince.

That’s what makes the whole “Jon was a threat to Catelyn’s children” argument so frustrating because people act as if Jon was a ticking time bomb that was going to blow at any minute, purely on account of him being a bastard. When historically, we’re given much more precedent for trueborn relatives to usurp each other.

This frustrating argument arises out of two problems:

ASOIAF stans are not engaging as critically with the text as they should be. Catelyn’s historical evidence lies in the series of Blackfyre Rebellions which happened after a legitimized bastard rose up against his brother. But context is key here. Not only were there several factors that led to this fallout (e.g., Daemon being given the conqueror’s sword Blackfyre, anti-Dornish sentiment not working in Daeron’s favor, Daeron himself being a suspected bastard, Daemon’s overall popularity, etc), but people ignore Bloodraven (a BASTARD!) who supported his trueborn brother’s claim during this series of conflicts. Daemon did not rebel because all bastards are inclined to treachery and all bastards bring evil to those around them. If any bastards raised near trueborns are a threat to the trueborn’s inheritance, then why not Bittersteel? Why not Shiera? Why didn’t other Stark bastards rebel against their trueborn siblings? Several factors led to the conflict specifically between Daemon and Daeron. Instead of taking Catelyn’s filtered history at face value, we should instead recognize that Daemon was given legal basis to push for his claim (after a series of events that symbolically recognized him as the worthy and true heir) as he was now a legitimized son, and succession struggles are, more oft than not, likely to happen between recognized legitimate competing claims. And here’s the thing, Ned Stark at no point indicated that he was going to give Jon legitimacy in the North. And he never indicated that he would give it to Jon over Robb. On the contrary, everyone knew that Robb was the heir. Robb was the one being given lessons, Robb was the one helping Ned attend to visiting lords, Robb was the one who would inherit Ice, etc. By Alys’ account in ADWD, preparations were being made for Robb’s future (NOT for Jon, who was largely ignored). There was no opportunity for Jon to pose any threat to Robb or his children because Ned did not give him legitimacy and he did not allow him to gain backing with the Northern lords. Aegon IV created Daemon and his subsequent rebellion(s), but Ned Stark did not do the same with Jon. Despite Catelyn treating Jon as a walking crisis center, there’s little evidence to the effect. In fact, we might as well say that Bran or Rickon or any of Sansa’s or Arya’s sons would pose an even bigger threat to Robb’s legacy than Jon would, you know given historical precedent and all that.

Treating Jon’s mere existence as one that inherently comes with dire consequences for “le poor trueborns” plays into bastardphobia, which is actually in world bigotry (and grrm considers Jon to be a marginalized individual on account of his bastardy). Saying that Jon is a threat to the Stark kids is saying that all bastards are threats to trueborns but like….so are the trueborns. History, actual hiatory, shows us that trueborns are a bigger threat to each other. But no one is saying “Bran is a threat to Robb’s kids” even though there is precedent. Bran is also getting a lordling’s education just as Robb is, and Bran is allowed to engage with the upper class on important occasions and gain visibility just as Robb is, and Bran is even expected to command his own castle and men (which would even give him ability to stake his claim). So why isn’t he a threat? Instead, Jon is the one who is singled out - because he’s a bastard. He’s being singled out because Catelyn said he should be singled out, despite there being little actual evidence to his supposed incoming usurpation. Which is ironic because the literal purpose of his story is to critique these bigoted views. Jon is just as honorable and good and kind as any other trueborn son, if not more so. And we have seen him sacrificing his own happiness for his siblings (e.g., the direwolf pups and refusing Winterfell because he will not usurp Sansa’s rights). It’s one thing for Catelyn to show ignorance, but we as readers should know better because we have a full picture and not only do we have an understanding of the history being cited by Catelyn (and what is being purposefully ignored), we also know Jon. So we should be saying, “wait no, there’s no indication that Jon is any more a threat than any one of Ned’s sons”.

It is understandable (but not justifiable tbh) that Catelyn is biased against Jon; he is the ever present product of her husband’s affair. But that’s just it, she’s biased. So she has a biased application of history. And she has a biased (and bigoted) view of Jon’s place in it. We as readers have a full picture though. So shouldn’t we be having more nuanced dialogue regarding this instead of taking her biased word for it?

[trappedinafantasy37]

A Minthara origin would be the most entertaining, fascinating, and most compelling origin

Unfortunately, it doesn't work given how her story already plays out. When it comes to discussions on who can be considered the main character of the game, Minthara is often overlooked as a candidate despite the fact that she just oozes main character energy.

What makes Minthara's story so compelling is that she starts off already enthralled by the Absolute. As her origin, you would have to experience coming to the surface from the Underdark, getting lured into a trap, tortured and forcibly converted by Orin (this is probably where her origin would actually start gameplay wise), committing a litany of atrocities in which you have no ability to do anything otherwise, failing the Absolute and getting tortured again, and then you get freed in which you swear bloody vengeance against the Absolute. Unlike the other origins, you as Minthara would end up actually having to live and experience the torments that are merely talked about in conversation with the other origins (with the exception of Shadowheart as Shar actively tortures her throughout her origin).

The entirety of Act 1 would be completely different from the origins because she wouldn't be on the Nautiloid. Remember, the Nautiloid was Gortash's mission and Minthara has no connection to Gortash, only to Ketheric and Orin. She would literally have no reason or business being on the Nautiloid. In order for her to start there with the others, her entire backstory would have to be changed which would do her story a massive disservice. No, a Minthara origin would only work if her story legitimately starts with her already a part of the Absolute.

But, then we come across the biggest narrative hurdle in her origin: how does she get the Prism? At least with the other origins, you get the Prism pretty much from the get-go via Shadowheart. (Hell, even if you ignore her she will kinda force herself into your party anyway.) Since Shadow has the Prism, how do you explain these two character naturally coming together on their own if they are not on the Nautiloid together? Does Minthara go find Shadow, or does Shadow come to her? And, how exactly does Minthara retrieve the Prism from Shadow? Given Minthara's nature in Act 1, there is a very high likelihood that the retrieval of the Prism in Act 1 may be fatal for the half-elf, meaning you as Minthara will be down one companion.

Another narrative hurdle is determining what Act Minthara should get the Prism. I personally think her story works best if she doesn't get the Prism until Act 2. Her torture scene, as brutal as it is, is a turning point in her character motivation, similar to Shadow finding out about the Nightsong or Bae'zel finding out the truth about Vlaakith. If you pay very close attention, Minthara actually does manage to break out of her enthrallment on her own without the Prism and it was because she was tortured directly by the Absolute.

Considering the fact that she has an actual religious faith in the Absolute, Minthara simply having the Prism wouldn't be enough to break her loyalty. This is why the Emperor doesn't bring her completely into the fold in Act 1, even though he does disconnect her from the Absolute temporarily. Unfortunately, this means that you as the player characters, gets tortured (which serves as fantastic motivation for you to want to destroy the Absolute).

So, if Minthara doesn't get the Prism until Act 2, you end up with the same dilemma of explaining how Shadow and Minthara come together. Not only that, but if she doesn't get the Prism until Act 2, what of the other companions? At this point, a Minthara origin legit has a very high likelihood of being a solo or near solo run, which would also make her origin the most mechanically difficult to play. But, I personally don't think that's much of a problem. Minthara is pretty damn OP in her own right. I literally have a list of bosses that she has solo'd or nearly solo'd for me. So, although mechanically difficult, I still think it'd be very doable to do a solo run in a Minthara origin. However, this would also make her story so much more rewarding, a single paladin fighting against god by herself? Sign me the fuck up!

A plus side to a Minthara origin is that she would end up having the most amount of unique content to all the origins in the entire game cause her story wouldn't really start in the goblin camp, but most likely in Moonrise (it would kinda act as a prologue to Act 1 if anything). This also means that Act 1 would actually be a bit shorter for her than the other origins as the entirety of the Underdark/Grymforge would be inaccessible in her origin. Remember, Minthara is an enemy of Lolth by this point and returning to the Underdark means you as the player character would just die immediately. Which is a real shame cause that is a lot of content to lose. So, it would have to be made up elsewhere, giving Minthara content that the other origins will never have.

Unfortunately, she would be the least played origin because for all of Act 1, you as the player character would be forced to do evil things because Minthara has no free will. Which means you would have no free will and you cannot make any choices for yourself. Most players can barely handle the Alfira scene with Durge, the only moment in the game in which you are forced to do something evil. And, to this day, players still actively whine and cry and bitch about raiding the grove for Minthara. It seriously feels like half the fandom is just mad that raiding the grove is an option that's available. I don't really think many players can handle being forced as Minthara to raid the grove. In a Minthara origin, there will be no knock-out method, no loophole, no exploit. You as the player character would be forced by the Absolute to raid the grove as you do not have the ability to do otherwise.

Having no free will as Minthara through the entirety of Act 1 is what makes her story so much more compelling as an origin. Because it would be frustrating as a player to play a game of choices and not be able to make any choices. As a player it would be frustrating to be forced to do the evil and bad things. As a player, having no free will for the entirety of Act 1 would serve as fantastic motivation to destroy the Absolute, to destroy Ketheric, and to destroy Orin. It would actually make an Oath of Vengeance paladin so much more rewarding to role play as because you would actually feel the intense desire to seek vengeance for yourself.

It is a real shame that Minthara doesn't have her own origin and it's a shame that there are just too many narrative hurdles for it to work. For all the other origins, your story starts with you just wanting to get rid of the tadpole. As you learn more about it, you stumble across the Absolute and learn about the elder brain. From there, your motivation is either to destroy the Absolute, or claim it for yourself for the sole purpose of getting rid of the tadpole.

But a Minthara origin has a completely different motivation as it's intensely personal. You were stolen from your home, your oath to Lolth was stolen from you, you were tortured by Orin and Ketheric let it happen, a worm was forced into your brain, you were forced to commit atrocities, and robbed of your free will. Would that not just piss you right the fuck off and want to make your tormentors pay?! In this case, you as Minthara don't need a personal quest. The main questline IS your personal quest. I don't know about you, but that is some mad main character energy.

[centrally-unplanned]

Since I am blogging about it, I will outline my Tiktok "ban" stance - it is "fine", I have no objections and mildly support it, though I am not nearly as concerned about the tool as its proponents are and I approach it differently.

Fundamentally, "you can never impinge on freedoms in international relations" is a silly stance, because it leaves you vulnerable to exploitation by other parties. You do in fact have to "build" markets, rights, etc, none of them exist in the state of nature or whatever. China currently bans the large majority of western social media apps from the country as part of an explicit strategy for industrial policy for its own tech space and as information control on its citizenry. It is completely fair to go "samesies" in response, in the same way free trade agreements are signed by both parties. Now the US government didn't put a "until China lets Facebook in" clause in the bill or anything, but that is because everyone knows China isn't budging on this topic, I can't fault them for not bothering.

China also definitely does do the things it is accused of re: Tiktok. They aren't as heavy-handed as they are with their domestic platforms of course, but they algorithmically censor anti-China content, promote messages they care about, and share user data with central authorities. Now, I care about this less than others. Algorithms are perpetually overstated in their power, as users have agency, opinions, and also know what algorithms are and notice the rigging. The vast majority of people self-select their information consumption more than algs shape it. Tiktok is not a very effective tool in the CCP's kit. But it still is a tool, and again a stance of "the US government can never interfere with our speech institutions but foreign governments can go to town" is not practical stance, that isn't free speech at all. I find these crimes to be minor, but given that the punishment is "sell Tiktok to a US company at a fair price", that seems fine to me. The fact that ByteDance isn't doing that speaks volumes.

(I really don't care about the data stuff, as a bonus note. Data privacy is the perpetual "dog that didn't bark", and we in fact have large social costs from how religiously we try to protect it to avoid exaggerated harms. But it isn't of no concern, I am sure there are valid points in there.)

Still, I don't think people should downplay that it is legitimately awful for the community in practice. There are lots of wildly exaggerated numbers going around (no, 170 million Americans are not "active users" lol unless you stretch that word to the moon), but still, there are going to be millions of people who will have something load-bearing in their lives affected by a legal fight. The world is full of tradeoffs, I have no reason to think they should be happy about this. They have every right to lament it.

I do think this is another classic example of the US "legalism" policy dynamic - the idea of sitting down and just building the parallel infrastructure for US-hosted Tiktok once Bytedance refused to sell, and cutting them out of the loop entirely, was completely beyond us to consider, when that is the win-win solution to the dilemma. But w/e, in this case I recognize that is pretty idealistic, can't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

[marley-manson]

So upon rewatching Preventative Medicine I'm even more disappointed with it because they established a legitimate way to make Hawkeye's choice actually morally grey and ultimately pointless, and then completely ignored it during his argument with BJ and the final scene in the Swamp.

BJ assumes they're giving Lacey fake gastritis to keep him in bed for a couple days, presumably so he can't try taking the hill "tomorrow." Unbeknownst to them, Potter has also requested that Lacey be taken off the front lines. Based on the show's usual depiction of the army I think that request is unlikely to be honoured, BUT based on the narrative of this episode one assumes the point of showing us Potter making that call is that it will have an effect.

So what they could've had was an argument about, or at least mentioning, Hawkeye's escalation. BJ arguing that it's enough to buy a day or two of time to figure out a way to dissuade him from trying to take the hill, Hawkeye arguing that it's not enough, he'll go back and kill more boys either way and he has to be stopped for good.

Then for the 'woe it was all pointless ending' Potter could yk, come in all "good news I requested that Lacey be transferred off the front lines and they're taking it seriously. hey btw where is he?"

That would at least like, be a reasonable argument against Hawkeye. But unfortunately, BJ's argument in the scrub room is nonsensical in the actual episode and Hawkeye's angst afterwards is also nonsensical, so imo the episode really dropped the ball here. Hawkeye feeling bad about taking out his appendix would make sense if he knew he was going to lose his command anyway, but he doesn't know that (and neither do we, because it's never brought up again.) He just feels bad arbitrarily, because... he didn't stop the war? I guess? Even though that was clearly not his goal lol?

All that said, I probably still wouldn't like it, just because I don't really like the idea of an episode designed to make Hawkeye seem ~too extreme~ in his attempt to save lives, yk, in terms of evaluating the politics of the show. I'd still side with Hawkeye lol.

And to be fair, maybe the reason they dropped the salient points is that it would've made Hawkeye look worse and much less defensible, whereas this is an ending you can have a debate with your friends about, even if the narrative awkwardly sides with BJ.

But then why bring up Potter trying to get Lacey transferred at all if we're not gonna follow up on that in any way?

And there are still ways to make it more even, like consider: Potter's request to transfer Lacey is refused, but a delay of 2 days so Lacey could recover from fake gastritis would've finished off his attempts at getting the hill. His superior sends him to another area of the front to keep him away from it, maybe, after that phone call where Lacey practically begs to be allowed to throw more men at it lol. So then you have the moral quandary of: BJ's idea would've saved the boys in the short term, but Lacey would still be their leader.

Or maybe BJ gets his way, Hawk doesn't perform the appendectomy bc BJ threatens to tell on him or something, and Lacey misses out on the hlil but remains in charge and Hawkeye is torn between being glad that the boys aren't in immediate danger but knowing Lacey will probably sacrifice them for something else stupid soon enough.

Idk, I think the bottom line is it's sloppy writing, probably due to late-stage rewrites at Mike Farrell's request lol. Maybe they just ran out of time to make sure it was polished and all their ts were crossed.

But like, it's a shame. Could've been a lot more interesting a moral dilemma imo.

[eros-thanatos89]

I love your post about Lalo's appearance benefiting him being a chameleon (/759454466239021056) and was wondering if you had more thoughts on that or would be willing to expand more? I remember a NYT article with Tony where he says that American casting directors didn't know how to cast him because he didn't "look" or "sound" Mexican. But it feels like that works in Lalo's favour too, at least the way Tony portrayed him

Hello Anon! First of all, thank you! I'm glad that the post resonated with you! :D

Thank you for mentioning that NYT interview! I'll link it at the end of this reply!

I remember reading it or a similar interview where Tony discussed his difficulty being cast for roles in the USA, particularly in roles for the stage in NYC, following his schooling in NYC, because he was too light-skinned to "look Mexican", so casting directors weren't sure whether to cast him in Latino roles or White roles. And I was struck by him sharing that he moved to Mexico (and luckily found success being cast in telenovelas!), but he actually had to learn to be "more Mexican" after being raised in Texas. That dilemma of him being perceived as not looking or sounding "Mexican enough" to be cast in Latino roles in the USA, but also having to learn to be "Mexican enough" to be in Mexican telenovelas just really struck a chord with me, as a light-skinned half-Mexican person who grew up in the US (though sadly, I am NOT bilingual like Tony and Lalo).

In the interview, Tony also shares his own headcanons that Lalo's mom is a gringa, and Lalo likely spent some time in the USA during his time with the cartel. And I'd agree with you (and Tony himself!) that his bi-cultural identity, ethnically ambiguous appearance, and bilingualism DO work in his favor in terms of him being able to blend in and charm his way through many different social settings.

He has one foot in the US and one foot in Mexico, and his appearance and privilege allow him to fluidly move through both the criminal world and more legitimate spheres (like his ability to blend in at the German bar and play the part of an urbane American businessman).

I honestly don't know if I'm saying anything new or making any sense, but...I was just very touched by how much struggle such a talented actor had to go through at the start of his career! And his struggles as a bicultural person really struck a chord with me, personally!

So anyways, Anon, thanks for reminding me about that interview! I hope my response made sense or had some value for you :D

Here's the link to that NYT interview <3

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/20/arts/television/tony-dalton-better-call-saul-finale.html

[thespianinthebackcorner]

Ok ok ok future Sonic game idea. Sega this is a pitch

Y'all remember how in 06 Silver believed Sonic needed to die for the future to be saved? And even though it ended up being a lie he still went really hard on it while he believed it?

What if we had a game where it wasn't? For whatever reason, Sonic commits an act in the future that causes the future to become a disaster once again, and this time the legitimate only way to fix it is for him to die.

But if Sonic dies, there's no one holding back Eggman from all his schemes (Sonic's friends are a formidable force, but there's just some stuff that he needs to do).

So all of a sudden, Silver is back up against someone he once viewed as a friend- but this time he knows what he's doing and he knows for sure this is the only way out of this situation. So there's no bringing him back over to Sonic's side this time. Eggman is once again plotting a world takeover, Mephiles is still trying to get out of the White Space, Infinite is probably still in the Phantom Ruby, currently in the hands of Eggman... Who knows who else could be out there. All of a sudden we have several problems- for the future to be safe, Sonic has to die, but if Sonic dies, there'll be no one stopping any of the other recurring villains that are coming back around.

Silver- assuming he remembers 06 which I assume he does- goes to Eggman to ask if he still has a Time Stone or the power of the Time Eater stored somewhere. He does, and although he questions why on earth Silver wants to go there at all (and tells him that it's risky, it was hard enough for Eggman to get back as it was although he can assist from the outside now), Silver does it anyway- finding and releasing Mephiles, the one person he knows will stand a chance in this goal. He's stuck around Sonic enough to know what he's capable of, and he's ready and willing to team up with Mephiles again if it means getting the job done. Mephiles, just happy to be acknowledged and freed, easily agrees. On return to the outside world, they inform Eggman of the whole thing, who gleefully offers his- and by extension, Metal Sonic's- services. Who knows, maybe he even pulls out the Phantom Ruby and offers to let Infinite out to deal with Shadow and help keep him busy.

All of a sudden we have one hell of a team-up: Eggman and his machines, Metal Sonic, and Mephiles, all frontlined by Silver. Between Eggman's numerous machines, Metal's capabilities, Mephiles' powers and possibly even control over Iblis if he can get his hands on the thing, and Silver's psychokinesis, it's shaping up to be one hell of a final bossfight...

Meanwhile, Sonic and his friends have to figure out how to solve this dilemma without permanently killing off Sonic or putting him anywhere near the villain quartet. It's a race against the clock- and each other- to find a way to stop the impending disastrous future and successfully carry it out.

Problem is, this isn't a race Sonic knows how to win.

[stromuprisahat]

Your post about the Vasily/Nikolai conflict made me wish Nikolai was the one to be killed by Aleksander's monsters,lol. Or,at the very least,Kolya faced a lot of trouble against his (legitimate half-) brother.

Same here.

He was set up to be the idealistic fool, the unviable option, the too good to be true.

Killing off Nikolai would offer more possiblites for the plot.

Killing Vasily only got another obstacle out of Alina's path even though she is the character, who's supposed to look for solutions and make hard decisions.

What's worse- Nikolai loses an opportunity for development too. LB decided to keep him as one of the main characters, yet she snatches character-defining dilemma from under his nose.

[assmaster-8000]

how do you think cecile would react to you falling for him instead of one of the main characters? would he push you away? or do you think he’d try to pursue you as well?

i honestly think he'd just look at you funny and beat the shit out of you. then spit on your dead body and leave. unfortunately for him, id just moan

seriously, though? i guess it really depends on how close you are to him. if he's still untrusting of you (which will last for a long time because he's not easy to romance, i imagine), then he'd curl his lip at the idea... and maybe almost pity you. like, seriously. of all people. you want the one man who wants to strangle you like a raggedy ann doll. pick your standards and your deadbeat body off the floor lest he trip on you. where the fuck are the palace maids when you need them?

if he's more accepting of you, then i think it'd send him into a big dilemma. he's not interested in the why's and when's and how's.

he just knows that it's wrong.

you just had to ruin it all, didn't you? and what a fucking shame, at that, because he was just starting to trust you. your interest in him is legitimately a betrayal to him because he can't have people burdening him. yes, this love is a burden. the moment you care is the moment you tether others, and that's not very convenient for his job.

he can't believe it.

all this time, through out everything that you two have gone through, you've been harbouring this dirty desire, haven't you? it sickens him. (love sickens him, it always does. he was not made for it.) he can't even stand to look at you.

so he doesn't.

he's not above abandoning you high and dry; remember first and foremost that he has a duty. he can't be troubling himself with such matters, and really - he's doing you a favour. no good comes of loving men like him. he flinches in the face of intimacy, he snarls at vulnerability. he won't do it, he can't.

he can't put himself through the painful ordeal that knowing; yes, he is, in his own way, starting to care for you too. just leave him alone. please.

but you never do. you never fucking listen, don't you? this one time, he tries to be nice, and you spit in his face by chasing after him. you better not regret what comes next - when cécile finally decides that you aren't too bad to hunt down.

alas... one never knows how well a prey animal can fight back, much less if they are prey at all and not another predator disguising themself under sweet wool. because let's face it; the way you torture him? by making him want you back? you're no innocent lamb. you are another foreign wolf, and now... he can't tell if he wants to kill you, or make you his, or both.

atleast that's what i think! :p cécile realising that mc likes him and then realising he likes mc is just gonna be a shit show of push and pull like a tag of war and honestly, im here for it. it's gonna be a LOT of push, kinda like a constant warning. but once he finally decides to give in, there is no going back. he's not gonna push you away anymore - he's gonna pull you in like a black hole consumes all. WAITERRRRRR WAITERRRRR ONE EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE MAN NEOWWWWW

[noiriarti]

The Arrangement: Armitage Hux x Reader (College AU) Ch. 1

Summary: A cuddle-buddies-to-lovers college AU.

[Ch. 1], Ch. 2, Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6

Chapter 1: A Can of Homestyle Chicken Soup

It started because of a can of soup. Armitage didn't quite know how he ended up here, standing in his bathing suit in his own bathroom, waiting for you. Well, he knew, but he still thought it was the weirdest alternate universe he could have ended up in since this morning. Not that there was any other option. He wouldn't just skip out on helping you once you'd cut your hand, of course. When you split open your palm with the pull-top chicken noodle soup (homestyle), he heard your hiss in the kitchen of your shared suite from his room, and he rushed out. He was the only other one home--Kylo was at practice, Phasma was in class--and luckily, his car was parked around back. The gauze from the first-aid kit was rough against his fingers as he pressed it to your hand. You had just wanted some soup for breakfast, you said. It was clear you needed stitches, mainly because it was on your palm, easy to accidentally open again, but it was only an inch long. Armitage mentally placed a bet on three stitches, and he was right, he discovered when you had arrived to the emergency room. He was a premed, anyway. It was practically educational to be there and watch the physician work while you held his hand tightly, afraid of the needle. Three stitches later, you were strictly ordered to avoid wetting the injury, your palm almost absurdly bulked up with gauze and bandages.

That was a problem, though. Your hair was greasy, and you had an interview for an internship at four. You needed the experience--it was junior year and you had just switched into computer science--but more than that you needed to come off as a young professional, not a greaseball. But no wetting the injury meant no showering, and that meant greasy hair. You were complaining about the dilemma on the way back to your shared house in his immaculate Lexus when he practically had an out-of-body experience and asked you if you wanted his help. He had literally actually legitimately asked you to shower with him. What the fuck was wrong with him? He kicked himself mentally, but you hadn't found anything weird in the offer, and happily accepted.

At 2 p.m., he slipped on his swim trunks and walked over to the bigger bathroom. It was yours and Gwen's, technically, but he sometimes used it when Kylo hogged the one they shared. He liked yours better, anyway. It smelled nice, and it at least seemed like there were two people cleaning it, instead of one who did so regularly and one who somehow found a way to make it even more gross every time. He pulled out the folding chair he had dug out of the garage and set it up in the shower. There was no denying that this was going to be fucking weird. Since you had moved in this year, the two of you had only hung out in groups or, occasionally sipped coffee in the bleary hours of the morning together, trying to pump out some assignment or study for some test. Other than that, he didn't know you like Gwen did, though that was his own fault. He was kind of a recluse, and he was taking graduate bio and psychology courses, so he was never lounging around the house anyway. Pretty much all he needed to know was that Millie was obsessed with you, trailing you around the house and sneaking into your bedroom some nights. That was character endorsement enough.

You knocked on the door, and pushed it open gently with an awkward smile. Totally normal, hanging out in the bathroom with your roommate. Your roommate, who is shockingly hot under his crisp collared shirts, it turns out. But you elected not to think of that. At all. 

"Hey. Thanks for doing this, Armitage. I just--I'm so sorry I'm so gross. I didn't expect you, or anyone really, would have to do this for me," you said, stepping into the shower with him. You untied your robe to reveal your bikini in a way he hopefully didn't find sexy--that would make your rooming situation just downright weird.

"It's really no problem. I've seen worse at the hospital, I promise." It was true. Nothing you could ever do would surpass that one guy whose surgery he watched who he swore had cysts within cysts. It was gruesome. "But if you throw up on me, or get pus on me, I'm moving out," he added with a chuckle.

"Alright, ready?" He asked. You nodded, moving your bandaged hand far away from the shower head, so he turned the water on. Of course, it was immediately freezing, and you gasped. 

"Sorry, sorry!" He yelled out as he cranked the handle to the warm side. He gritted his teeth and begged the gods to turn it warm soon because he was getting the brunt of the water. 

It took a minute, but it finally got warmer. The pipes in your building gave decent water pressure, but any toilet flushing or sink turning on would fluctuate the temperature wildly. The housing was cheap enough that none of you complained, though. Armitage angled the shower head fully toward you, and your hair started getting thoroughly wet. For a moment, he wondered why people enjoyed shower sex. The spray off your body was hitting him in weird directions, some of it going straight into his eyes, and he was miserably cold and wet. There wasn't enough warm water to hit the both of you, and he was just there to help, not to shower, so he didn't get any of it. His thought just distracted him from the inevitable: it was time to begin.

"Ready?" He asked you, but he was really asking himself. Although you told him you were, the answer inside his head was a resounding no. When was the last time he had touched someone's hair? Or, hell, even touched someone? For a moment, his heart ached as he realized he couldn't remember the last time he was hugged. Was it his mother? The details of her face were slipping away from him; he could hardly remember the exact contours of her nose, or whether she had dimples, or if she had a cleft chin. What were her hands like, again? He could barely picture her, the image going fuzzy the more he tried to grab onto it. His chest felt like someone had taken a hammer to his ribs, leaving a gaping, raw hole.

He was so distracted, he barely even noticed when he put his hands on your head. He gently worked his thumbs over your scalp, working in the water. He grabbed some cheap 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner--the one you had texted him you had left in the bathroom for this very purpose, to make it quicker than a full hair care routine, and he lathered it in his hands. It smelled like crisp green apple, so fresh and bright and energetic that he decided he had to stop being angsty, and just focus on the task at hand.

When he applied just a bit more pressure, going down to the nape of your neck with his sudsy hands, you let out a borderline sinful groan. The truth was, you hadn't felt anyone taking care of you like this in a long time. And his hands were so big and strong, you almost wanted to ask if he'd do this again. But that would be weird. So, you let yourself close your eyes and enjoy the feeling. You could feel warmth radiating off his body, and his nearness from the water that was cascading off of him and onto you. Although you found him hot--not that you would ever verbalize just how badly you wanted to run your hands over his lean chest--just being near someone was comforting. Just a touch that didn't want to take you for a drink or fuck you, a touch that had no ulterior motives. Simple, honest, trustworthy. You had been falling asleep clutching a stuffed dog the past couple of nights, imagining it was someone who would pet your hair as you fell asleep and tell you it'd all be alright. You couldn't stand it when every single time a hookup or a guy you were dating was cuddling with you, then immediately tried to grab your ass or shoved his boner against you. Simple, honest touch. And you were getting it from your roommate of all people.

He angled the water back to your head, rinsing out the suds in silence, as both of you enjoyed the quiet moment of intimacy. It wouldn't happen again, after all. After a few seconds, the water ran clear, and Armitage spent another couple of seconds chasing bubbles that weren't there. If he stopped, it would be over, and he'd have to go back to his room, alone. There, he'd remember the lonely ache that he pushed away with books and classes and As on his transcript that he hoped his father would acknowledge. Here, he was single-mindedly focused on you, and nothing else mattered. Even he recognized that he was taking weirdly long, so he counted down in his mind--5, 4, 3, 2, 1--and shut off the water.

"Thank you so much Armitage. You're literally a lifesaver," you commented, turning around to face him, "And look! My hand's still dry!" You wiggled your fingers at him with a bright smile to prove your point. His chest constricted, like it was somehow aware that his yearly ration of human touch was over. He masked that feeling with a chuckle and some platitude in response to you. He excused himself and dried off with a towel, which he unceremoniously tossed onto the bed when he was back in his room.

He peeled off his bathing suit and put on his standard outfit for working at home (a polo and dark jeans), trying to forget the feeling of your warm body near his. Armitage was on auto-pilot, and he was good at it. He tossed the swim trunks and dirty clothes in the washer, pulled out his textbook (Modern Physical Organic Chemistry) when he got back to his desk, and buried himself in it like he didn't feel empty. Even when he made himself a gourmet dinner of instant mac and cheese and ate it over an MCAT flashcard session (it was never too early to start, his father said), he barely felt the aching loneliness in his chest. Only Millicent curling around his feet pushed that feeling away, but she had left, probably to scurry into your room as you went to bed, leaving him alone for hours. That's how he liked it, anyway, he thought.

Around midnight, he closed his lab report--finished, of course--and changed into his flannel pajamas. Somewhere in between neatly folding his polo and putting it in the dirty hamper, he heard it.

There was a knock at his bedroom door.

[brick-van-dyke]

Some Thoughts on the 'Writing Process'™

So I see a lot of writers struggle with these very specific things, AKA:

The Staring at the Blank Page Thing where you struggle to come up with ideas, words, etc

The Word Counting Counting where you cannot stop counting your word count

The 'Can Someone ELSE Proofread This Because I Don't Want to Read It' dilemma

The 'How Do I STOP Hating Everything I Write' issue which also leads into the 'How Do I Stop Scrapping Everything' issue

And finally the 'I DONT WANT TO WRITE I WANT TO IMAGINE IT INSTEAD' problem

There are various things that can make writing hard, but I have had some thoughts! And maybe they might just be useful.

So for Issue Number 1, I've found that, if you want to write, NEVER do it before you already have the ideas. Looking at a blank page just makes it harder. You get bored and that makes writing feel boring. Of course, this is all just my opinion, maybe this actually works for you. BUT! In my own personal experience, I find that actually LIMITING how often I open my document helps a bunch. No matter how much you wanna write, there's no point torturing yourself over how little you're doing and shaming or pressuring yourself to get it done. Punishing yourself is just gonna kill your inspiration and, obviously, you're not going to want to write if you now associate it with punishment for not writing. It's a cycle of just being mean to yourself. Well, don't wanna be unproductive? As silly and counterproductive as it sounds; self care is the answer which I've found that actually works.

This actually leads into Issue Number 2. I think these probably stem from the same issue; punishing yourself for not producing. Again, punishing yourself and shaming yourself into just staring at a blank screen or staring at how little the word count is or how much you have to go until your goal is just going to kill your inspiration and make you bored. Shaming doesn't get you to write more, or faster or suddenly become more productive. Believe it or not? Self care and making it fun is what makes a fun story come to life. You're not just writing a block of text that's a recount to sell in this capitalist hellhole (I mean you are but that doesn't mean the process has to be bound by capitalism because FUCK CAPITALISM), you're writing a story you wanna tell; focus on the story before the method and don't punish yourself for it not just magically appearing. These things take time, they take trial, error, mistakes and various drafts, but FIRST? They take those little moments where you just daydream scenes and the imagination you have to exist at all. Focus first on the story and your own health and the rest will come, slowly but surely. Anyway that was a lot of words to essentially just say; don't look at the word count, focus on the story and the length will follow regardless. It's fine to check and obviously, you'll just have to at some point. But please please try and do what you can to avoid checking, even use a different method. I use page count because it's so varied and inaccurate that it actually doesn't matter and just tricks my brain into using that to see my very general progress and makes it seem bigger than it actually is. It also can just be easier to check at a glance if I want to make sure the structure of each chapter is more or less consistent enough.

Issue Number 3 is tricky, mostly because once you've made something, it can be legitimately very boring to reread everything you JUST wrote. For me, I'm sort of chaotic in that I reread as I go or do it very randomly and rewrite as I come up with things. The good thing is though that what you write isn't set in stone. It's malleable and fluid. I always have a cut and paste section on my computer where I just... cut and page and rearrange things as I think of it. I don't worry about "oh but what if I mess up" because you're ALWAYS gonna mess up! That's actually one of the cool things about writing, you CAN mess up and go back and reread it eventually to make it work a bit better after all the other chaotic going-back-and-fixing-things. Which brings me to my main point (especially if you don't want to replicate my chaoticness) I try to leave proofreading itself as much as I can for the end of it all. As in, I just let myself write, yes rearranging and going back whenever I want, but never throwing anything OUT, never scrapping the whole document because it's gonna have bits you might reuse. And more to the point, it gives you a lose skeleton to base your next draft on. It's more work but I find it really reassuring in that you don't judge every little thing as you go, but just say "meh, fuck it!" and write whatever works, then rewrite it in a separate document all over again, never deleting the last one so you can copy and page whatever you liked from the first draft, or second, or third, and use each mistake and flaw. Recycling is good folks, even just in writing. Or... at least it is for me. If this doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for you, but this is just what helps me so maybe it might help you too.

This also goes into Issue Number 4. Honestly, you're never gonna not be your biggest critic. But! You can at least make your work feel a bit more positive and go in with a "eh who cares?" mindset into writing. It may not erase the "wow this is hot garbage" feeling, but it'll feel a bit more like "well this is MY hot garbage and I don't care if it's bad or good, because at least it was fun". Plus, like I said; recycling is very good. The best way to force yourself not to hate something is to get really damn used to it, AKA, never getting rid of it. Which is hard, I know. Especially if you just really freaking hate it. And, well, it's not like I'm saying you should keep absolutely every little thing, I don't want you all to get clutter and folders upon folders of stuff you won't use...buuut I am saying it helps to keep things and get comfortable in your own messiness and imperfection. It starts to feel normal at least, or for me it does, and slowly you kind of just...accept it. Also, making fun little things to enjoy your ideas away from your writing itself. If you draw? Make fanart. Maybe even make AUs in your head. Maybe make some mood boards. HYPE YOURSELF UP! Or as best you can at least, and never force things. If you aren't feeling this particular story right now? Move on to another project and yes having WIPs can be annoying but sometimes it's necessary. Again, these are all just my opinions and stuff I do when I struggle with these; I'm not commanding anyone to do anything and as always, maybe this won't work for you personally. But hey, doesn't hurt to give it a try first and see if it works, or maybe something else will. Whatever the case, this is just my own two cents.

And finally, Number 5. Honestly? This isn't so much as issue in and of itself as much as just an issue of prioritisation. Imagination is the most important part of even coming up with a story to begin with and, honestly, imagining scenes can really help build a mental image of what you want to describe and how things look and feel. One thing, a little cheat code you could say, that I've found is melding daydreaming with research. Which makes absolutely no sense since this is the most funnest part with the most boring part of writing, but hey, it works surprisingly well I assure you. So here's the setup I have; no doc (except for if I really need to jot down some notes), then images that remind me of my work (Pinterest boards maybe, a few mood boards, etc), then the research. I go between each of these; daydreaming. The result? I imagine scenes with the research I want; motifs that work with themes, imagery to use in scenes, what architecture works, what the weapons look like. Then, before I even write, I go back and still daydream WITH what I've researched and it sticks in my mind way better than even the notes I've made. Speaking of, with notes, I like to doodle in the margins of them, make them fun, highlight with fun colours. Sometimes? Research, note taking and writing doesn't have to be work in and of itself, sometimes it can be fun and a little quest of your own. Sometimes making writing and research feel like you're daydreaming can make all the difference between begrudgingly slugging through a chapter, or just having fun writing a new scene you just imagined and that starts to form into something new and exciting.

TLDR: Make writing fun! Like Mary Poppins once said; "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down". Sometimes it's actually better to make the work into a treat instead of using a treat as a bribe or punishing yourself. In fact, making any part of the process into a punishment for not working just makes everything harder.

ALSO! Just in general, take breaks! It's easy to forget what you're doing (especially once it becomes fun) and forget to take care of yourself both physically and mentally. Too much time looking at a screen (or even just a page) can be straining! Remember to eat! Remember to drink water and sleep! Get up and walk around if you can, go to the bathroom and maybe even go for a little walk outside and get some Vitamin D if you're able to. Remember to maybe take a few days away from writing so you can come at it again with a refreshed mind and new perspective, sometimes you can get boggled down and start getting too focused on one little thing. It's good to let yourself have half an hour, an hour or even a few days to just refresh and go out and get new inspiration just from living. Sometimes the key to writing and ideas is to just stop writing for a bit and to just take a breath.

[musette22]

Hello, my dear

So I have a dilemma: I've been reading Bucky post endgame fics and (rightfully so) we're all ganged up on Steve leaving him. Yeah, I agree with all that, peggy was just not such a big influence, he wouldn't leave his friends etc. But...didn't Bucky leave him to go into cryo after civil war? Was THAT the right path? What THAT the Bucky that was all competent and independent, that manged to stay away for 2 years? I don't know, man...maybe Bucky left first, you know? What do you think? (please note: this is not a diss on Bucky -the victim-; it's just a thought that I had)

Hi honey! I'm so sorry for taking a while to reply to this, Sebastian’s Golden Globes thing happened, and then the Chris thing happened, and it's been a very busy week so far! But thank you for your message.

I personally don't think those two things are the same at all, or even comparable, really. Skrull Steve left because he was apparently "finally being selfish" and wanted that perfect picket fence life he never got to have (which the real Steve never wanted in the first place but ok), and because he apparently didn't care enough about the people who loved and needed him in the present to stay.

Bucky’s decision to go back into cryo was motivated by his fear of being used as a brainwashed murder puppet by an evil organisation yet again, and potentially hurting or killing innocent people (and people he loved, like Steve) against his will. Bucky went back into cryo because he had very legitimate fears, and also because he cared about other people.

Also, let's not forget that Bucky was hoping they would be able to find a way to deactivate the trigger words precisely so he could come back someday. Skrull Steve, on the other hand, decided to leave for good, and to leave regardless of the people he cared about and who cared about him. It was an entirely selfish decision that made no sense at all for this character and that still baffles me to this day.

I may not have fully liked this 'going back into cryo' plotline, also because it does feel a bit incongruent considering the fact that Bucky lived independently for quite some time between TWS and CW, like you say (though if you take into account the fact that he was once again brainwashed and made to hurt people in between his time in Romania and the end of CW, it does make more sense imo). And, as plenty of fic has shown, I think the writers could've chosen different, better solutions, but I could understand it in terms of Bucky's character. To me, that was more a selfless than selfish decision. Yes, Bucky "left" first, but he had very valid reasons to take himself, who he still considered a threat to many, out of the equation, and the hope was that he wouldn't have to stay gone forever. Skrull Steve, on the other hand... Well, you know how I feel about all that. So yeah, that's why I think comparing these particular situations is like comparing apples to oranges, you know?

[latristereina]

I think the big beast the fandom tackles with the Micheal and Kay dilemma is Micheal's marriage to Appolonia as the movie portrays it in a Moreso positive light then the book allowing audiences to take what their given which immediately make them romanticize the marriage between Micheal and Appolonia. another thing is if Appolonia had never died then Micheal would have gone to New York with Appolonia and never married Kay, making Kay seem like the second choice instead of Appolonia. Though you could also see it as Micheal accepting (like in the book) he has to be someone else and not be with Kay, instead accepting Apollonia and more importantly the life she represents, and the man Micheal must become to fit into that life. Whereas Kay (as many have pointed out) represents Micheal's morality and goodness, as Micheal must reinvent himself into a legitimate man after Appolonia's murder, bringing him back to the American way of life, as he is not in Sicily anymore.

I mean there’s always a possibility Michael would have gotten bored of Apollonia and have cheated on her since Mario Puzo made him cheat on Kay in his own draft for the second movie, although only because Kay was away and thinking about dumping him. Michael and Apollonia didn’t seem to have connected on an emotional level, they just fucked and ate, and there’s a great possibility he would have gotten bored with time.

The only woman he really connected with, both in the book and the movies, was Kay Adams. He confessed he had loved her more than anything else in the world (yeh, he sucked at showing it) and that he still loved her. In the draft he said he had married Apollonia only because he had been lonely and “better to marry than to burn.” I imagine it was scrapped to please the majority of the audience which was never particularly sympathetic toward Kay.

And yeh, the movie portrayal of that disturbing relationship is more positive, but I don’t get why people say it’s some great romance, it doesn’t look like it in the movie at all. The actors are weird around each other, which is no wonder since the actress was like 16 or 17 and Pacino was 30, there’s zero palpable chemistry (rightfully so), Michael looks like a fool rather than a predator, and no, he doesn’t look like a fool in love, just a dumbass. 🤣

People really need to watch some good romance with actual chemistry.