Delusions (Patreon)
"Could I have your hand, sir?" Max didn't move, which Dexter was, sadly, getting used to.
"Sir?" Max jerked, then turned and stared at him, lost and blank. "Your hand, please."
Max's hand lifted shakily, and he laid it gently in Dexter's upturned palm. Dexter gave a quick and quiet "thank you," then turned it over in his own hand, observing him closely.
Too closely - his knuckles were rough and his fingernails were dull and cracked in places. His once-soft, not-a-day-in-his-life-subjected-to-hard-labour hands were now, already, toughened and split and scarred in places, especially the heel of his palm. He turned it over again, this time to stop looking so intensely. He had only wanted to give it a cursory glance to begin with.
"Do you know what I see, sir?" he asked as conversationally as he could manage, running his fingers along Max's abused flesh. He seemed to be at least half paying attention, his eye gazing down between them, and he'd occasionally twitch, encouragingly Dexter thought. He seemed to want to curl around him, then stopped and shook, his hand squeezing into a fist. Dexter coaxed him back out, encouraged him to hold himself lightly.
"What do you see?" He was almost startled by Max actually continuing their conversation, that happened so rarely now, shaking and quiet as it was. He took a deep breath, was he really going to do this?
"I see a hand, with five fingers." Max remained quiet, though his brow curled, and a guarded look came into his eye, though he still wasn't looking at Dexter. He felt a pang of guilt, but he had to try. "What do you see?"
Max's eye unfocused and began to water. He looked up, but not enough to reach Dexter's gaze in return, instead staring through his chest, and he felt just as hollow and empty as he must look to him.
"Do you take me for a fool, DAX?" Quiet and as close to angry as he'd heard since they'd been here.
No, not angry.
Betrayed.
He swallowed down the stinging lump at the back of his throat. He had to put on a brave face, had to keep his composure if he wanted Max to get better. That was the only thing he wanted, more than anything.
"Of course not, sir. Genuinely, what do you see?"
Max pulled his hand away and turned his body, his bandaged side facing Dexter. Shutting him out, pointedly. Dexter's empty hand curled into a fist, he was no better.
"Please, don't..." Max took a shallow, shuddering breath, and several beats before he spoke again, even quieter. "Don't ridicule me." Dexter could hear his breath catch, and he wanted nothing more than for this all to just stop.
"Sir, I didn't-"
"I've had enough of that." He shook his head stiffly, the action strange and wrong, like he had forgotten how. He stilled, his head turned even further away. "More than enough."
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Is it true that the wet paper towel came back too? I haven't read the novel
I love arbitrarily assigned character nicknames, we all should keep using this one as much as possible thx \o/
when reading the story, the first time i went oh. he's back too is in the confrontation over Li Rong kidnapping the Qin prisioners. The entire tone and behavior of SRQ wasn't that of a young nobleman with little political experience and no prior relationship with LR. Plus, in both novel and drama his expression visibly changes when LR references the ~hypothetical~ conviction of the Su family.
The moment in the drama when you should be certain of it is when we see wet paper towel actively align with Consort Ruo (and thus the other prince's camp) and demand to be the one giving direction. Taking sides in the fight for the throne like this and that level of competence & confidence is all completely out of character for a young Su Rongqing. Why would he pick this side and plot against Team Crown Prince... unless he's seen the future?
Honestly, the way we are forced to consider the different clues to try to guess wtf is up with this bitch is why I find him such a compelling character.
What misleads at first is that initially, when first reborn, wet paper towel is working harder to Act Normal and Be Cool. And so we all think, oh he isn't into her. That can't be future SRQ!
Yet that's deceptive, because both LR and PWX discuss that the emperor would totally murder her if he thinks she was aligning herself with the Su family (because that would avail her and thus the crown prince with more resouces & power). Showing active interest in her and snatching her marriage would be incredibly dangerous.
ah HAH! you say. But future towel was pro-murder! Isn't he her enemy? ??? Well, clearly yes and no. Logic dictates that some factor must have existed in that alternate timeline that doesn't exist today. 🤔➖➗➕✖💯🤔
If we accept that this damp towel does love LR and would prefer her to be well, beside all the other machinations he has going on, then his pretence to not be interested in her in the early episodes makes total sense.
(what's clever is that once we figure out he's reborn, our instinct is to stop interrogating his behavior and assume his sole objective is murdering the crown prince in revenge for his family & penis (rip). at least in the novel, it's more complicated than that. which I won't spoil and it's probable the drama will replace the ending arc anyway so we'll just have to see what happens)
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general ramblings about zee & how he operates.
while zestial has some level of fucky - wucky morals , they heavily rely on the kind of respect that was so deeply embedded into him in his time alive. ( albeit without the blatant misogyny of the time period , zestial drinks respect women juice. ) meaning , he doesn't give all that much of a shit what sins have been committed but how one acts towards him ( or by extension , those he cares heavily for / his domain or souls under his protection )
he doesn't even particularly care if you don't like him , but if you can show him respect you'll usually get the same in return --- ** if you are on his level or higher.
he doesn't work without reason , but zestial's still a demon overlord , he makes deals , he's been collecting souls for centuries. he's charismatic & polite , you want to tell him things ! ( that is , if you get past the looming unknown threat of his general presence !!! )
but if you aren't of use for him / don't interest him ( or aren't associated in some way with someone who does , i.e. he wouldn't go randomly targeting those at the hotel since their associations with the morningstar family / alastor , etc. ) or you cross him , he has no problem decimating you for his own entertainment.
on the flip side , if you stay out of his way & don't poke & prod him , you're usually fine. he has ensured however that his reputation stays a bit more ambiguous to keep the fear he's instilled very much alive. ( if he has to make the occasional spectacle , oh well ! he does love his theatrics & can be undeniably petty / also hold a grudge for a long , long time. )
so in this vein , while zestial doesn't particularly like the vees , it's moreso about their general attitude / actions he deems " tasteless " so publicly. but also the reason he'll gravitate more towards dealing with vox rather than vel or val for the more respectful showmanship , doesn't matter if it's sincere or not.
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Expanding on the Vio nightmare idea: do you think Vio ever has nightmares about accidentally killing Green for real at Death Mountain? How does Link feel about these nightmares when he wakes up, considering it's one part of himself killing another?
I DIDNT EVEN CONSIDER THIS... UR MIND... i bet he does . like what a balancing act he had to pull. i bet Vio was stressed out of his mind.
I find it really hard to put myself in Links shoes when thinking about his separate selves and ive been trying ti imagine it all day. I feel like thered be the sense of a Near Missed catastrophe, like stopping yourself from walking into the road the moment a huge truck zooms by. Thats someone he cares about thats him its fine it didnt happen im fine im whole. vertigo.
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