#this is me telling you to not be upset with yourself for grieving the things she forced us to loose

[no-song-so-sweet]

I want to talk about Harry Potter.

Well. Sort of. I want to talk about Harry Potter in a roundabout way, in that, I want to talk about the reaction my friend group had when shit started really going down with That Bitch Rowling.

Because Rowling is a horrible person. She’s a TERF, a denier of Nazi Crimes, homophobic, anti-Semitic, the list goes on and on (and most recently, has been attacking a trans soccer manager, if my dash is to be believed? Somehow, she just seems more cartoonishly evil with each passing day). But this isn’t about That Bitch Rowling, not really. Or if it is, she’s merely a footnote in the story.

Harry Potter was, and I think this is true for many of us, a large part of my childhood. While the writing may be mediocre at best, it was wildly influential. I didn’t know a single kid that wasn’t hoping for a letter to Hogwarts. It was a Big Deal for a lot of people, and that included my friend group. My friend group, which is made up of members of the LGBTQ+ community. My friend group, which includes a young lady who we didn’t always know was a lady. I’m sure you can see where this might be going.

The day I got a tear filled phone call about That Bitch Rowling was, frankly, heartbreaking. She was mad because a woman she had respected up until now didn’t respect her. She wanted to get rid of her copies of the books, but didn’t want to donate them. I never want to hear her cry like that again. So I made a decision.

I told her to hold onto her books for just a little while longer. I phoned the group. I figured out when everyone could get together for a weekend, and when I had hammered out dates, I packed up my car, and drove the six hundred miles back to my childhood home.

In the passenger’s seat, was my set of Harry Potter books.

Excluding my trans friend, there were seven of us. I had made a plan, and my father had the space to enact it - I grew up on acres of land; complete with 200 year old oak tree, creek in the woods in the backyard, and a massive fire pit.

Nostalgia and youth, I find, paint everything with a rose tinted hue; if Rowling had just kept her mouth shut, I’m sure many of us would have looked back on the Harry Potter series with some amount of shame. But I don’t think it would have suffered the sort of fall from grace that led us to this point.

The fire pit is important for several reasons. For example, it had been the popular gathering place for my friend group of literal decades at this point. Small towns mean that you know everyone from a very early age. We lived right beside the woods, so we used the fire pit to burn the leaves, and the branches storms took down, of which there were many. And when the first six of my friends rolled down the half mile driveway that day, I had already collect enough wood to get a decent fire going.

Six of my friends. We told the seventh a later time. We wanted to be prepared, and anyway, we all had the same cargo (six sets of seven books joined mine on a rickety folding table). I put them to work collecting more firewood (is it really a good bonfire if you’re not risking setting the barn on fire?).

By the time our last member rolled up, I had a fire going.

She had her set of those damn books too.

(There is a visceral grief that comes from being let down by your childhood heroes, and I fully believe that That Bitch Rowling embodies the phrase “never meet your heroes,” because folks, as a general rule, I am not a fan of burning books. But I was prepared to make an exception.)

We burned our copies of the Harry Potter books that day, all eight of us. They were well read, beaten to hell and back, with cracked spines, and dents in corners, and pieces of the pages missing where we had bent down the corners one too many times. And I won’t lie to anyone. We cried. Tears of sorrow and rage, for the piece of our childhood that we were choosing to give up, because to keep it would be to disrespect the woman we had known and loved for longer than we’d ever had those books.

Letting go sucked. But it was the right thing to do.

When they were gone, we put out the fire, went inside, and built the pillow fort of our dreams. We marathoned Star Wars, and ordered too many pizzas, and had way too much soda. We fell asleep playing Risk, because that’s what our friend choose, and in the morning, I made waffles with chocolate chips and too much maple syrup.

I wanted to talk about this, not just because this is a fond memory for me (even though it is), but because one of my coworkers confessed to me that they hated Rowling, and everything she stood for, and they refused to have anything else to do with the Harry Potter franchise, but they just couldn’t bring themselves to get rid of the books.

I said I was happy to host another book burning.

But I wanted to write this down because I know that sometimes it’s hard to take that final step, to leave behind that last thing. So for anyone who needs to hear it, it’s okay to grieve the things we loose when we grow up. Letting go can be hard, but I promise you’ll end up better off. It’s been awhile since things really went downhill, but I maintain that, in this case, death of the author is nonexistent, and it is better to have loved and then lost, than to hold on too tight.

Don’t hurt yourself on the shattered remains of your childhood magic.

[healerelowen]

Yeeahh I’m not doing okay

but I don’t really want to take a break because I want to distract myself and Tumblr and mutuals and stuff is how I do that.

but damn this grief is hitting hard.

[six-eyed-samurai]

SUMMARY: It's been some time since your death and yet none of the Hashira still have the heart to remind Muichiro you're gone. A/N: I'm not too sure if the title means what I think it means so let me know if it's wrong...anyways I got the idea from a fic of @oceanxmoonz, so credits! Also you can probably tell I got lazy at the end... WARNINGS: (y/n) is dead. That's it.

“Where’s (y/n)?”

Shinobu’s smile was a little faker than before as she turned around to face the expectantly waiting Mist Pillar, who seemed a little upset. She couldn’t answer that quite yet. “Are you looking for them?”

“Yes,” Muichiro said plainly. “I couldn’t find them at all this morning. Or afternoon…have you seen them?”

Was it sadder to watch Muichiro lose his closest friend - if not something more - and grieve about it for a long time after or sadder to watch him forget they were long dead? That they weren’t avoiding him like his amnesia had him think, that they actually couldn’t? He always needed to be reminded and Shinobu didn’t like to be the one to do so.

“Tokito…they died a few months ago, remember?”

“No, they didn’t. Ginko would’ve told me.” His eyes widened, then narrowed angrily. “I don’t think that’s a very funny thing to say, Kocho.”

“But, Tokito-”

“I’ll go find (y/n) myself,” he said abruptly, then walked off.

Of course he came back later with the same question; of course Shinobu’s smile faltered.

***

“…I forgot your name.”

“…”

Muichiro blinked at the stoic Pillar before him. “You’re the…something Hashira, right? I think (y/n) mentioned you. Are they back from both of your mission yet?”

Tomioka hesitated. He was honest but he wasn’t cruel. He knew exactly what Tokito was talking about, knew that he suffered from huge blanks in his memory. He envied the younger Hashira a little, to be able to forget such tragedy - however seeing him constantly wander around wondering where they’d gone was a pitiful sight.

So in the end he decided to evade the question. “Yes. (y/n) came back safely from the mission.”

The Mist Pillar’s eyes lit up. “Thank you. I’ll go find them now.”

Yes, (y/n) came back from their mission together safely. If only the same could be said of the last.

***

“HAR?”

“I said, where’s (y/n)?” Muichiro sighed after his almost shout at the disbelieving Wind Pillar. “Has your mission damaged your ears?”

“You little-” Sanemi checked himself. “I know damn well what it was you said.”

“Okay then, where’s (y/n)? I found this flower I wanted to show them.”

The older man’s mouth fell open, probably to harshly remind Tokito for the fifth time that month that who he was looking for was long dead and gone. Then it closed again.

Sanemi was not a soft man, evidenced by his scars, shouts, and treatment of his younger brother. But at the end of the day his intentions, though misguided, were what he wanted best for everyone. It was a tragic world out there and whether his next words were going to exacerbate it he would accept the consequences whole-heartedly - no one would fault him for not wanting to bring the poor kid back to shattering reality either, right?

“Probably out on another mission. You can’t keep hogging them to yourself, Tokito.”

“That’s odd…I thought they just came back…”

“Yeah, well, demons don’t wait for anyone!” Sanemi barked. Sadly, too true.

***

“Oh, Tokito…!”

“…Kan-something-san?” Muichiro’s face twisted in confusion as the pink-haired lady threw herself at him crying, pulling him into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.” Mitsuri straightened and wiped at her face, plastering a bright but trembling smile for the younger Hashira.

Muichiro blinked. “Okay. Have you seen (y/n)? I just got back from a mission but I can’t find them.”

“…perhaps they’re busy?” Mitsuri swept the tears on her cheeks again. “Don’t worry, I don’t think they’d ignore if they had a choice, Tokito!”

“Oh…alright then.” Muichiro drifted off, readily accepting Mitsuri’s story despite the obvious holes for lack of better explanation.

Mitsuri bit her lip, guilty at her lie. Every day Muichiro would approach with the same question and every day someone or some way it would be broken to him that (y/n) was long gone but as terrible as it made her feel Mitsuri never wanted to be the one who did it.

He’d found the love she’d always been searching for. Unfortunate one didn’t survive for long.

***

“Young Tokito! Are you looking for someone?!”

“You’re really loud…” Muichiro tilted his head. “Have you seen (y/n)?”

Tengen and Rengoku shared a look - the Sound Pillar broke the pause first. “Tokito, don’t you remember?”

“Remember what?” Muichiro’s attention span was already running out. “I think I saw them today but I can’t remember where.”

“You couldn’t have seen them,” Tengen starts again, for it’s not the first time the Mist Pillar has mistaken someone else for (y/n). “They’re-”

“Oh, right…at the Butterfly Mansion, I think. Thanks for…helping?” Muichiro left and the two Pillars glanced at each other again.

“Who’s gonna tell him? He can’t keep walking around thinking they’re still alive. That’s just cruel.”

“But if he remembers his spirit will be beyond crushed - you remember how he was when he first found out. For now, when we need to be most vigilant, perhaps we should let him be!”

Rengoku’s voice carried a tremor of uncertainty, however.

***

“I saw Kanroji and you talk a few days ago. Did you make her cry?” Obanai glowered menacingly at the deadpan Mist Pillar.

“No? She was crying?”

“Yes!” Kaburamaru hissed with his owner.

“Oh…right. Now I remember. I didn’t make her cry.” Muichiro looked up. “At least I don’t think so?”

Obanai resisted the urge to slap his hand on his forehead. He leaned in clsoer. “Why was she crying?”

“I have no idea,” Muichiro said, leaning back. He brightened. “Oh, right. I was asking about (y/n).”

“(y/n)?” Obanai stiffened but took a step back. “Oh. I see.”

“Which reminds me…I wanted to go see her after our sparring, but I don’t know where they are.”

The Serpent Pillar and his snake shifted uncomfortably. “You’ll find them.”

Not really. Obanai hoped for the sake of his comrade that he’d forget he’d already asked the question and not stumble upon (y/n)’s grave.

***

Himejima too cried.

It didn’t really make sense to Muichiro, but he let the oldest Hashira lay a hand on his shoulder and say some prayers. He didn’t really pay attention to the wording but he caught his name and (y/n)’s.

It was safe to assume the Stone Hashira didn’t know where they were so Muichiro bid him goodbye (or at least he thought he did) and set off to go find them himself. From behind the trees one Shinazugawa Genya watched him go before joining his master’s side.

“Why isn’t anyone telling him?” Genya couldn’t imagine what it was like to lose someone so close to you, someone to love and care for, and not even remember when they were no longer there.

“Some things must be found out by himself.”

“Isn’t it unfair to (y/n)’s memory if Tokito doesn’t remember?”

“I’m sure (y/n) will understand…they were very patient with him. They will understand that he needs to take his own time in coming into terms with…”

“Coming into terms?” Genya’s frown deepened. “You mean it’s not just his memory thing?”

“Grief and denial are strange things.”

***

“Where are you, (y/n)?”

Muichiro knelt down by the headstone, dropping the bouquet next to him. “I hope you’re happy, wherever you are. I’m sorry I forgot about you for so long.”

He takes a deep breath and begins to tell about his day, like he’s been doing every day ever since he regained his memories after that fateful fight at the Swordsmith Village and befriending Tanjiro. He thinks they’d like this version of him much more.

“The demons have been awfully quiet lately,” Muichiro mused. “They say Kibutsuji’s planning something. They’re probably all out to get Nezuko. A big all out war’s going to be coming, I think, and I’m sorry I won’t be able to visit when that happens. So I’ll come more often now.”

He dusted off the stone, staring sadly at the inscription. “I’ll kill the demon who got you. I promise.”

At the price of his own life, (y/n) knew, sitting invisibly next to him, crying transparent tears but he wasn’t to know that.

[ponderingmoonlight]

can you pleaseee make a sequel to the "jjk men hurting y/n" (gojo part) where their son wonders if they can marry y/n when they grow up. you know what i mean.

(also oh my goddddd that fic had me rolling in bed giggling and kicking my legs 😭😭😭😭)

Nothing better than that, thank you so much for your request and liking my work<3

Part l can be found here under Gojo's part

Gojo's and (y/n)'s son wanting to marry (y/n)

Pairing: Gojo x fem!reader

Word Count: 1,2k

Warnings: fluffness overload

Tags: @coffee-on-a-rainyautumn @defnotriri @smarsd @sharycatx3 @kaiserkisser @sanicsmut

As usual, feel free to leave a comment or reblog <3

What happened on that fateful day of the night parade was hard to swallow for both you and Satoru. That unimaginable grief of the breakup when all he wanted to do was to save you. Suguru who wanted to not only kill you but Yuta for your abilities and died himself.

It was all too much to handle, a test for both of you.

“Why didn’t you just tell me? I told you I’m pregnant, that I’m expecting your child and you-….You looked at me with nothing but hatred in your eyes…”

“I’m so sorry, (y/n). Believe me, it killed me from the inside to be so cold to you when in reality, I wanted nothing more than holding you in my arms and tell everyone. But there was no other way. If I’d told you about Suguru’s plan, you would have insisted on coming to Tokyo. And if I didn’t and you’d find out yourself, you would have been absolutely mad and would have been there anyway. Please, all I wanted was to keep you safe. I had no other choice…”

For the first time in your relationship, you saw Satoru Gojo cry in front of you, his hands wrapped around your face. Oh, if you only knew how hard it was for him, how it broke his very own heart within these three cursed weeks.

But now you’re here, safe and sound.

“What happened to Suguru?”

Your innocent question pierced his heart like a knife. Satoru wanted to break down in front of you, too overwhelmed by everything that happened over the last weeks.

But he had to be strong. For you and his unborn baby.

“He didn’t make it.”

Your heart dropped, arms instinctively wrapped around your boyfriend’s trembling frame. Oh, your Satoru. All the things he had to endure over this time. Despite you had every reason to be mad at him you simply can’t. He did this for you, after all. And who knows at what cost.

“We’ll get through this together, okay? You, me and our baby.”

And after months of grieving and talking everything out, you did eventually. You did live through it all: the difficult pregnancy, you almost dying during birth, Satoru getting sealed at Shibuya, the loss of many good friends. It was never easy, you thought about giving up all too often.

But now you’re sitting at the kitchen table with your three year old beautiful son who owns the eyes of his gorgeous father and your hair color.

“Good morning my lovelies”, Satoru purrs against your ear before gently placing a kiss on your cheek.

“Stop that!” your son suddenly shouts, gazing at your husband and his very own father visibly upset.

Huh, what has gotten into him today? Normally he doesn’t mind much when Satoru shows you affection. You tilt your head to the side, Satoru nods towards you.

“What, are you jealous, young man?” Satoru asks challengingly, sitting down next to his son who crawls into his lap immediately.

“You can’t just kiss mama like that because I wanna marry her!” the little boy in front of you announces, determination sparkling in his blue orbs.

Satoru and you stare at each other bamboozled and before you can help yourself, a little giggle escapes your lips. Is this why he was acting so weird? Where does this thought come from?

“You wanna marry her?” Satoru repeats.

“I learned that you kiss at a wedding. So you can’t kiss mommy!”

“Oh, I understand. And how did you get the idea of marrying her?” Satoru continues the conversation.

Your heart feels like exploding in warmth, pure joy speeding through your veins. Seeing your sweet little angel sitting on his father’s lap while announcing that he’ll marry you makes tears sting in your eyes. After all the things you’ve been through, the fights, the injuries, the worries, is this really your life right now? Sitting at the breakfast table while having a delightful conversation with your family?

“I love my mama because she makes me brave.”

Satoru’s eyes dart towards you, so touched by the words of your little one that you can immediately see the glossy shine in them. It’s still like a dream to him, sitting here in peace with both of you by his side. This was definitely worth all the fights and losses he had to endure over the last years. This precious little moment of innocence and pure love.

“Y’know little man, just because you love someone you can’t automatically marry that person. That here is your ma, which means you can’t marry her. If someone gets to marry her that would be me”, Satoru clarifies with his oh so sweet voice.

You desperately try to hold back tears. The love you hold for your little family is more than you could ever explain, deeper than any ocean on this planet. Your son might not be aware of it know, but the fact that he’s sitting here so unbothered was never granted, that all of this will work out was never given.

But now it is. Now you’re sitting there all together. And your son just announced that he wants to marry you.

“But why can you marry her and I not?” he requests, lips forming that little pout that reminds you so much of his father.

“Because you already have her as your wonderful mama. Leave some for the rest”, Satoru replies.

Your son shrieks in his father’s loving arms as he begins to tickle him, laughter filling the room. If anyone would have told you 5 years ago that this will be your life, you would have laughed at him. You really thought this world has no joy for you left, that you and Satoru are cursed through being jujutsu sorcerers.

But that child in front of your very own eyes isn’t a curse. No, it is a true blessing just like Satoru himself. You can’t help but admire him for his strength, for his never ending optimism in this world that tried to tear him down multiple times. Always running back into your open arms, always looking out for you and your family. How do you even deserve him, the man in front of you who looks at your child lovingly?

“But why did you not marry her then?”

You tilt your head to the side, amused by the question of your little one.

“That’s a really good question, angel”, you comment sweetly.

Of course you know all too well that the last few years didn’t have any room for a wedding. Between so many deaths, getting sealed and constant fighting, there wasn’t enough time to arrange something like that. But still, you love to tease your boyfriend a little bit.

“I definitely will someday”, Satoru ensures, gaze set on you with a breathtaking smile.

“And I’ll be there too!” your son cries out in excitement.

“Of course you will, Suguru! Ain’t no wedding without my favorite man by my side!”

[mrs-saturday]

🏹 The Archer (LS2)

♥ my masterlist!

♥ pairing: Logan Sargeant x Reader

♥ synopsis: The aftermath.

♥ a/n: Im so upset. Im broken. This is my grieving process

Combat, I'm ready for combat,

The pre-race ritual has always been the same for Logan and you. In front of the mirror, your hands slipping around his toned midriff, nails tracing the evidence of gym sessions beneath his race suit, his helmet on its stand, air at a standstill, as his head falls back onto your shoulder with a shaky exhale.

He knew it, and you knew it.

Zandvoort was the last one, and even though no one knew that for certain, and Vowles hadn't called the meeting, hadn’t thrown down the gavel on the blonde’s dream, you both knew it and it sat in your stomachs like a weight.

He picks his head back up, and turns to face you, planting a small kiss on your nose, and you do the same.

His nose is awfully cold, but you watch him slip the helmet on, and pray that it warms him through.

I say I don't want that, but what if I do?

Watching him spin out was like the nail in the coffin.

Watching orange tongues lap at the rear of his car was enough to drive you to a Hamlet-like state; to jump in his grave, pull the casket lid wide, and scream to the onlookers your love. 

When he’s back from medical, he looks at you, a silent acceptance of the end of his career quite literally going up in flames. He runs over, head buried in your chest as silent sobs wrack through his trembling frame. “Logan…” you mutter into his hair, about to ask what he thought would happen to his seat.

“I don’t even want it anymore…” he cries

“But, what if you do?”

'Cause cruelty wins in the movies,

He was told he was out 2 days before they announced it. The young Argentinian with his head hung low in the meeting room, unable to look at Logan. The cold fist of Vowles telling him what he’d been expecting, but the thought of him ruining this young boy’s career filled him with rage. 

How dare he do this again. How dare he do this to another bright star, to ignite his explosion all too short of a supernova. 

I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

You try to get him to stop for a moment, but he’s sat furiously typing. He has to get it all out, he says. Too many thoughts, he says. He types and types as you hold him. Every frustration, every late upgrade, every lost nugget of feedback, every false promise, the results of which spilled into the American’s notes app like he was a teenage girl, feeling her heartbreak through lines of shower thoughts and ill-placed rhymes.

When he finished, he exhaled, and looked at you, with a weak smile, and hit delete on the note. 

Easy they come, easy they go

You two don’t stay in the UK long. The boxes are full the day it’s announced and the flights to Florida only a few days after. 

“Home” he had begged on that night, “If the track can’t be, I want to make home with you”

And you agreed, you packed up your life in England alongside him, the helmets and trophies of past delegated to a manila coloured box labelled “FRAGILE: HANDLE WITH CARE”

They would stay there.

For a while, at least.

I jump from the train, I ride off alone

The last thing he does is visit Oscar. Or at least, he tries to. His rosy knuckles tap on the Australian’s door one last time before he realises Oscar is not answering, despite the party going on inside the house. He is far too busy living their dream to remember to answer to the door to a boy delegated to a photograph on his mother’s refrigerator. 

I never grew up, it's getting so old, Help me hold onto you

It’s like he’s 11 again, in his parent’s living room, watching ‘Top Gun’, and eating popcorn. No one has bought it up. Not you, not his parents, not Dalton, it hangs in the air like the wheel had clung to his car by a wire’s length. Instead, you all ignore it for the simple pleasure of family. You laugh as he throws popcorn at his brother like they’re children. And you smile to yourself.

He never got to be a kid, really so why not hold onto that freedom now?

I've been the archer

He’d been the winner

I've been the prey

He was the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling?

You could never leave him, darling.

But who could stay?

Home always stayed.

[chukys-mouthguard]

broken memories

sequel to kinda tempting

4.3k words

featuring: mat barzal x female reader x matt rempe

warnings: miscarriage/loss of pregnancy, conversations about loss of pregnancy

The words of the doctor echoed in your ears as you sat in your apartment. Impatiently waiting for Matt to arrive home, picking at your nails as you couldn’t begin to formulate a plan of how to break the unfortunate news. Surely he’d be upset, angry as well. Which would be expected, the grieving process always brings out multiple emotions in everyone.

Trying to practice, your mouth could barely formulate the words. Tears not ceasing, just as you thought you’d pull yourself together you’d get choked up all over again.

The sound of your phone dinging on the couch beside you snapping you from your thoughts for a moment, a simple five minutes away :) text displayed on the screen as you felt your heart sink further into your stomach.

Not wanting to worry Matt too much, you hurried to dry your tears. Rushing to the bathroom to put some cold water on your face in hopes it would tone down the redness your crying had caused.

“Babe? I’m home!”

Hearing Matt’s voice call from the living room you did your best to calm your emotions, putting on a smile as you walked out of the bathroom and down the hall to greet him.

“There she is!”

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest as he kissed your head. Despite your efforts to control your emotions, you felt the tears beginning to form once again.

“And how is baby girl doing?”

The smile on his face broke your heart, his hands caressing your stomach as he kissed over your shirt. His eyes flashing up at yours to see the tears falling, his smile fading immediately as he wrapped you in a hug once again. Unsure as to why you were crying, but trying his best to comfort you.

As his arms wrapped around you, it was as if your world came crashing down. Matt doing his best to console you as you sobbed into his chest, despite you not saying anything he’d figured it out. His own tears formed as he tried to be strong for you, knowing that was what you needed.

“Babe, y/n, can you talk to me, please? Tell me what happened.”

Pulling yourself from his arms you walked to the couch, taking a seat as you tried to explain. Not knowing what to say, he’d clearly figured it out himself, but still needed to hear you confirm.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry Matt.”

He didn’t want to crowd you, giving you space as he sat across from you on the ottoman, his emotions starting to get the better of him.

His gaze was glued to the floor as his hands rested at the back of his neck. You watched as he sat silent, the only sounds in the room were his sharp breaths as he tried to hold back his tears.

Something told you not to comfort him, instead just waiting for him to say something. But words didn’t come, only tears as he softly cried. Hands moving to cover his face as the reality settled in. The excitement of having a little girl was now washed away. No more plans for decorating the nursery together, the constant baby name discussions would now cease, and worst of all he’d have to break the news to his family. He’d just left them a few weeks ago having told them that things were great. And now things were anything but, the world seeming so cruel for having taken your baby from the two of you.

His hands now wiped his tears as he’d settled his breathing. Standing up and slowly pacing the floor as he tried to organize his thoughts. Not wanting to overstep, but needing to know what happened.

“I, I don’t mean to upset you, but, what happened? Do you know?”

“We, we don’t know. The doctor said sometimes there isn’t an explanation, and it seems so unfair, but. God, I hate that you weren’t there that day, having to be there and think it was just a normal routine check in. And it turned so dark so fast the moment we didn’t hear the heartbeat.”

You wiped your tears as Matt stopped in his tracks. A look of confusion now on his face as he glanced over to you.

“Wait, so, this happened at your appointment that was over a week ago?”

Nodding your head you looked at him confused. “Yeah, it was the one I had to schedule while you were in Connecticut because she didn’t have any other open appointments.”

A slight chuckle left his lips as his demeanor had changed from sad to almost annoyed.

“So, you’ve known for over a week, and I just find out now? You didn’t bother to call me to tell me? I could’ve come home, I could’ve been here for you! Why would you keep this from me?”

His voice was laced with hurt and anger, which you expected. It wasn’t that you wanted this to be a secret, but how were you supposed to tell him over the phone?

“Matt, I wasn’t calling or texting you about this! Plus, you had obligations, you couldn’t just back out, you signed contracts.”

“I think they’d fucking understand if I told them my girlfriend just lost our baby!”

Matt’s shout echoed throughout the apartment, despite knowing he’d be upset, this was the last reaction you’d expected. Him to be yelling at you, as if you’d done something wrong. As if you didn’t already feel bad enough, like losing the baby was somehow your fault.

“I can’t believe you kept this from me. I think I’m coming home to you and our baby, but instead-“

“You come home to just me? Gosh I’m sorry I’m not good enough! I’m sorry that I lost the baby, as if I did it on purpose.”

Not bothering to continue the argument Matt retreated down the hall. Slamming the door to your shared bedroom, causing you to jump. Tears continued to run down your cheeks as you could only blame yourself for not telling him sooner. Wishing you would’ve had the guts to break the news right away, maybe you two wouldn’t be fighting when instead you should be comforting one another.

The apartment grew silent after the slam of the door, Matt trying his best to relax, but the idea that you’d kept this from him for over a week not leaving his mind. His eyes moving from the floor to the dresser, landing on the framed photo the two of you used to announce your pregnancy. The two of you were out of focus as you held up the ultrasound photo. Matt holding a mini hockey stick with your due date written across it.

He picked up the frame, his grip on the edge tight as he saw a few tears fall to coat the glass. He remembered how excited he was to take those photos, and how he was even more excited to post them. Being able to share with the world the new journey the two of you would be experiencing.

But now, it all had been ripped out from under him. Having to process the emotions while also wanting to be there for you, despite you having kept the news from him over a week.

His anger slowly began to overtake his sadness once again as he threw the picture frame across the room. The glass shattered as he sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands as he sobbed once again. Wishing there was something he could do to make this all better, though he knew there was no changing it.

The shattering glass should’ve caught you off guard, but you knew that Matt was experiencing all the emotions that could be expected with this news. You’d had a week to process things and start grieving, but now it was his turn. As much as you wanted to run and comfort him, you knew he’d want to be alone. Needing to get out his anger and frustration however he felt would help.

Minutes, possibly an hour had gone by before Matt finally emerged from your bedroom. His clothes were now different as he searched the kitchen counter for his phone, appearing to be heading out.

“You’re leaving?”

Despite not trying to sound annoyed, you didn’t manage to hide it. Matt typing a text on his phone before he bothered to look up at you. Grabbing his keys from the counter as he slipped his hands into his pockets.

“Yeah, I am. I’m not sitting around here all night crying about this. If you want to do that, have fun. Although you’ve known for over a week, and I just found out thirty minutes ago. So excuse me if I’m gonna deal with this in my own way.”

Another slam of a door and he was gone. Your heart broke to see him so hurt, as if you had any other option. Knowing he was probably heading to meet up with some of the guys that had also come back into town for workouts before training camp would start back up. And while you knew he’d probably be going to get drunk or do anything to get his mind off of the news, you wished he would’ve stayed with you.

But your tears were now ceasing as you’d tried to pull yourself together. Reaching for your phone hoping social media could be some sort of distraction. You’d tried getting some work done earlier for the Rangers socials, but didn’t make it far, clearly obvious as you opened your Tik Tok to see a message asking if you wished to continue editing a post you’d quickly given up on.

As you closed out the message, a Tik Tok soon filled your screen that had been filtered for you since it was hockey related. And as the images of Mat Barzal getting down on one knee flashed before your eyes, followed by scenes of posing and kissing, you felt your heart break all over again.

The girl soon came into view and of all people for him to be engaged to, she was the last person you ever hoped to see.

While your relationship with Mat had hardships, you’d thought they were all things you could work through. Even the secret meetups and behind your back texts he’d been sending to this mystery girl you’d come to learn was named Ava.

You never told anyone, hoping it was something you could work through despite the rift it had caused. Partially being the reason you’d gone off and slept with Matt Rempe in the first place. You were so hurt to think it was easy for someone to do that to you, to think they would never get caught. And he didn’t, because you never outed him. You loved him so much that the second he’d shown a bit of improvement, you were sure that Ava was out of the picture and he was done with her.

Turns out you were wrong.

Had he been waiting to end things with you so he could be with her? It had only been five months since things ended between you two because of your pregnancy, to get engaged that quickly it was clear he’d never cut ties.

You knew you shouldn’t be hurt, but deep down you still loved Mat, you always would. If you could go back and change everything, you’d do it in a heartbeat. But unfortunately the world didn’t work that way, and you had to deal with the cards you’d been dealt.

Not wanting to sit and sulk in your apartment any longer, you searched for your keys. Slipping on your shoes before heading out the door.

No destination in mind, just driving until you’d run out of energy or gas, whichever came first. It wasn’t until you’d seen signs for an all too familiar exit that you had realized where your subconscious had brought you.

The sign for Elmont made your heart ache, thinking of the memories that lived in this city. Muscle memory leading you to the parking garage connected to the apartment you used to call home. Finding a spot before you headed up to floor thirteen.

You wondered what the hell you were doing here, why you’d thought this idea was at all a good one. But if you were honest, you weren’t thinking at all. Your emotions getting the best of you as you reach to knock on the door, no chance to turn back.

The door opened and you could’ve sworn your heart stopped. Seeing the familiar face behind it gives you goosebumps as you hadn’t thought even for a second what if someone else had opened the door.

“Y/n?”

Mat stared at you confused as you were the last person he’d expected to see at his door. Though you’d not thought of what you’d say if he was home, you knew this was the only time you’d probably get to say anything at all.

“Five months? It only took you five months to move on? Not to mention with her?”

Mat rolled his eyes as he rested an arm against the door, not wanting to argue with you when he knew there was no point.

“Y/n really? You don’t even know her to say anything about what I choose to do and with whom.”

“I know you were cheating on me with her Mat, you think I was oblivious to it?”

His eyes went wide as pushed his arm off the door, pulling you inside as this wasn’t a conversation he wanted the neighbors overhearing.

“I’m sorry?”

“You think I didn’t know? I knew about it all, but I loved you so much I thought we’d get past it. You started to change your behavior and I thought you were done with her. But clearly you never stopped, and now you’re fucking engaged to her?”

Your voice rang throughout his apartment as you paced the floor. Tears not able to form in your eyes as you’d surely cried every last one over the past week and a half. Mat let out a scoff as he watched you, waiting for an opportunity to spit back at you.

“Really? You’re going to scold me after you did the same fucking thing? If not worse? You cheated on me too, remember? And you’re fucking pregnant with that guys kid! How could we have ever recovered from that? I did cut ties with her, when I started changing my behavior it was genuine. Because I hated knowing I was doing that shit behind your back, because I loved you! And then you go and break my heart like that. So don’t try to paint me as the bad guy here okay? And why do you care anyways, you’re busy prepping for a baby with your boyfriend.”

His shouts were louder than yours as you could hear the anger that still lingered, the hurt he still felt at what you’d done. And while two wrongs certainly didn’t make a right, you both couldn’t change what you’d done. Whether it was one time, or ten, you’d both hurt one another with your actions.

Hearing him mention you being pregnant, you couldn’t help but wonder if you should tell him. Not that it would change a thing, he’d moved on and you were with Matt, but you felt he deserved to know.

“Not anymore.”

Your voice was soft, barely above a whisper as Mat’s angered expression quickly turned to one of confusion.

“Wait, what? You guys didn’t-“

“God no, I’d never do that. I lost the baby.”

He immediately regretted his words that he’d spat at you like they were nothing. How angry he’d sounded as he shouted at you, wishing he could have controlled his frustrations better.

“Oh my god, y/n, I’m so sorry. Come here.”

The familiar feeling of his arms wrapped around you was all it took for you to break down once again. His hold on you makes you forget any of your own frustrations as he tries his best to console you. Though he knew nothing he said would be good enough, there was nothing he could say that would make this better.

“I’m such an idiot, I didn’t know, I wouldn’t have-“

“Stop, it’s okay. Like you said, you didn’t know.”

He hated seeing you so broken. He knew despite the circumstances, you were excited to be a mother. And he wanted that for you, even if it was with someone else. But to know you’d lost the opportunity, in the most unexpected of ways, it broke his heart. You didn’t deserve that, no matter if you’d hurt him and done your own wrongs. No one deserves to go through the hurt you were.

“How is Matt handling the news?”

The two of you had eventually moved to the couch, Mat getting you some water and tissues as you’d finally been able to calm down a bit.

“Not well, at all. He’s angry, and hurt. Because I didn’t tell him right away. I couldn’t. He was on the road, that’s never something I would’ve texted or told him over the phone. But, he’s mad at me for it. I think he wants to believe it would’ve changed something, had he been here for the appointment.”

Mat listened intently, still unsure what was the right response. Of course never experiencing something like this he wanted to be sensitive to your emotions, but he didn’t want to stay too quiet.

“Well, I think he definitely needs time. Especially having not found out at the same time as you. But, how are you doing?”

He cautiously reached for your hand, not wanting to come across any particular way, but sensing you could use some comfort and reassurance. Despite all that happened, he still loved you, that was never going to change.

“I, I’m okay. Not great, but okay. I’ve just spent this last week and half really thinking about everything. Thinking about the future now that all our plans are going to be changing out of nowhere. I shouldn’t even be thinking about this right now, but, part of me thinks that Matt and I won’t make it through this.”

No matter his opinion of your relationship, Mat wanted the best for you. He wanted you happy, but the way you were talking. The change in your facial expression, he could read you like a book.

“I think you’re overthinking things, sure he’s upset now. But I’m sure once he takes some time to work through his feelings, you two will be okay!”

A slight chuckle left your lips as you shook your head.

“No, I’m not talking about that. I’m saying, if I hadn't gotten pregnant, he and I wouldn’t even be together right now. I’d still be with you, we’d be the ones planning a wedding. I don’t want to sound cold or heartless, but deep down I know I’m only with him because of the baby. If I had things my way, you know it would be you.”

His fingers tangled with yours as he smirked, the thought unbeknownst to you had also crept through his mind a few times. Wondering what if countless times.

What if he’d never snuck around behind your back, what if you hadn’t done the same to him. What if you’d never gotten pregnant, what if he’d still had you as his fiance. Surely you would have been married by now, even maybe expecting a baby of your own. At least, that’s how Mat would have planned it if he had the choice.

“Well, as much as I’d love to say that it still could be, things aren’t exactly that easy. Plus, you don’t even know if you and Matt are actually going to break up because of everything. Just, try to not get ahead of yourself, okay?”

He gave your hand a reassuring squeeze as he checked his phone, noticing the time and hating to rush you out. But you knew you couldn’t stay longer, needing to get home so Matt didn’t wonder where you were.

He walked you to the door, wrapping you in a hug as he apologized once again.

“Listen, you need anything, and I mean anything, please don’t ever feel like you cannot come to me. Okay? I don’t care what happened, I love you, I always will, and I will always be here for you.”

Mat kissed your head before he said goodbye, watching you head down the hall as you dreaded the drive back home not knowing which Matt you would be coming home to. Whether or not he’d be drunk after drowning his feelings, or if he would have trashed more things in the apartment.

But as you returned home, you’d realized he wasn’t back yet. Leaving you to assess the damage from earlier when he’d retreated to your bedroom. Your eyes immediately falling on the shattered picture frame, your pregnancy announcement photo now laying on the floor. As if an accurate representation for how life now felt, a mess of broken memories.

The sound of the door opening letting you know Matt was home, his keys clanging against the counter as you heard him making his way down the hall. Leaning against the door frame he watched as you finished cleaning up the glass, placing the photo on the dresser as you headed for the kitchen in need of a trash can.

“Can we talk?”

His voice was soft, a little hoarse as if he’d been crying. You looked at him with a blank expression, heading to the couch as you assumed he’d follow suit. Which he did, finding a place on the couch as he sighed. The two of you sat in silence for what felt like thirty minutes before either of you spoke.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through that alone. I hate I wasn’t here for you, to comfort you while you experienced the roller coaster of emotions that can come with news like that. And I hate that you felt you couldn’t tell me before I came home tonight, but I hope you understand my frustrations. I didn’t mean to walk out on you, but I had a lot to think about.”

“Like what?”

A look of confusion washed over you as he tossed his hat to the side, running a hand through his hair. A deep sigh left his lips as he took a second to gather his thoughts.

“Losing the baby opened my eyes to a lot of things, and as much as I try to convince myself otherwise, I just don’t think I can do this. We both know, whether we want to admit it or not, we are only here right now because of the baby. If you wouldn’t have gotten pregnant, you and Mat would probably be married right now. This was never real, as much as we wanted it to be for the baby. It was never going to be me, no matter how much I hoped it would be. No matter how easily we fell into this routine trying to make this work. Without the baby, what are we?”

Despite having had the same thoughts, it didn’t make this conversation hurt any less. The idea that you weren’t wrong for thinking the baby was the only thing keeping you and Matt together. No matter how hard you tried convincing yourself that the feelings were real and you were happy with Matt, deep down it didn’t feel right. Sure being with the father of your child made sense, it felt natural, the right thing to do. But when that man was the person you’d cheated on your boyfriend with, never anything more, it was hard to make a relationship work from that.

“I don’t hate you, I have so much love in my heart for you. I wish this could have been our story, but maybe, as shitty as this is losing our baby. Maybe this was our sign that it wasn’t meant for us, at least not together.”

You hadn’t noticed any tears until Matt reached out to wipe one from your cheek, his hand resting to caress your cheek.

“I’m gonna pack up as much of my stuff as I can tonight, I’m gonna go stay with the Quick’s for a little bit while I continue my training before camp. I’ll come back and get the rest of my things as I’m able.”

Nodding your head you took a deep breath, smiling up at him despite the pain you felt. Never imagining this day to come, thinking the two of you were in this for the rest of your lives.

You watched as Matt retreated to the bedroom, packing up whatever he could take with him. Keeping your space to let him take care of things as you tried to keep busy tidying up the apartment.

The sound of him shuffling down the hall made you stop your cleaning, meeting him by the front door as he gave you a soft smile. Dropping his bags as he wrapped you in a hug, kissing your head before reaching for the door.

“If you need anything, I’m just a call away okay?”

With that, he was gone, and the apartment once again felt ten times larger being there alone. Checking the time you knew you needed to go to bed, the day having drained every last ounce of energy from you.

Searching for your phone you’d found it on the couch, realizing you never bothered to text Mat you’d made it home safe. Not that you expected him to worry, his offer to text him if you needed anything seemed like a subconscious thing said in passing.

To: Mat Barzal

Made it home safe, been dealing with a bit…matt packed his things and left

[obsessedwrhys]

Damaged Souls

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ Grieving him, fluff, angst, relationship between reader and Joel is plantonic (father figure), reader is like the stone cold typa person (this is for the traumatised kiddies!!!), this fic is almost like a prequel to my ellie fic, reader is fem!!

ᯓ★

From how you two became acquainted. You knew Joel through Tess and at the time you were still a kid. But what you didn't expect was for the grumpy man to end up taking care of you after Tess died, going from some guy who comes to visit frequently to the only person you trusted with your life.

Even when Joel was ready to kill everyone in a hospital to save Ellie, you too were ready to do the same. For her and for him. After everything that went down, you agreed to keep the truth about what happened from Ellie. It was like you two had a mutual understanding.

So the moment you three moved into Jacksons, things were somehow looking brighter for your life. Though even good things didn't last forever. Eventually Ellie found out about everything. Going as far as to stomping into your home to initiate an argument that left you two on bad terms.

Now you felt hopeless... the only friend you cared about gone like that.

The winter became colder. The breeze stronger.

You rest your hands on the fence as you stood at your front porch, with nothing to do but to just enjoy the scenery. You were in your sweater and wearing a beanie as well as putting on a pair of mittens. Even with the pretty view, your mind were clouded with worries, worries concerning you and Ellie.

Is it more lonely to be hated or ignored? You wondered.

"Hey" Your eyes perked up as you turned to your side to see Joel approaching your house.

"What are you doing here?" You asked but he just brushes your words off. You watch him step up on your porch.

"How you holdin' up kid?" He stands beside you, mirroring your posture.

"You don't need to ask me, I'm good, you should check up on Ellie instead" You said which had him nodding his head with an amused smirk.

"I know, you're capable... but I'm still askin" He looks at you but you couldn't bring yourself to even look at him.

In a way you felt embarrassed, you always did whenever he cared for you, because almost your whole life you never showed your need for it.

"Won'tcha talk to me? What's botherin' you? Hm?" He nudges you slightly, almost playfully.

You sigh in defeat.

"I'm... scared...." You uttered almost too quietly that if it weren't for the quiet storm he wouldn't have heard you.

"What are you scared of?"

"Everything. Whatever that happens next" You suddenly rest both your elbows on the fence without even realising, seeming like the nerves have gotten to you.

"I'm scared of ending up alone" You admitted and he nods to your words out of understanding.

"Life's full of surprises kid... it's best you let go of those worries, you ain't gonna survive if you keep thinking like that" He stands up, straightening his back.

"You speak like I have a choice"

"You do"

Just then, he grabbed you by the chin to have you face him. With his other hand, he presses the tip of his index finger on your forehead. You didn't fight back but just bat your eyelashes at him.

"These thoughts... they're nothin' but problems you've overcomplicate. One day you'll see that things are better than how you perceived it. I'm sayin' this cause I care about ya" He said, staring directly into your gaze.

"You think Ellie would forgive me? For killing multiple innocents for her?" You raised an eyebrow.

"We did what we had to" He said as he lets go of you to grab onto the fence, staring off into the forest.

"She doesn't seem to see it that way"

"Just give her time"

"That's what I've been doing"

He could tell that from your tone you were frustrated. He was too, Ellie has been ignoring him as well but for some reason he doesn't seem as affected as you are. It made you curious.

"How are you not upset by all this?" You asked.

"... well... this is the kind of things you've gotta deal with once you have kids" He chuckles softly to himself but he clears his throat when he realised you were genuinely interested in his reason.

"Look... what I'm tryna say is... you and Ellie... you're both like daughters to me. It don't matter if we fight or what, I'll still be patient with ya'll, no matter how long the time takes" He said, placing a hand on your shoulder that instinctively made you turn to look at him.

"And how long is that gonna take?" You said, your gaze softening without even noticing.

"As long as it needs to be"

His response leaving you silent for a while. You turned to look away, thinking of the right words to say before looking back at him, but even with the time taken to think, you couldn't bring yourself to say it. His hand from your shoulder now moving to your back to give you a comforting pat.

"I'll leave you to your morning routine, I know how much you hate people interruptin you" He pointed out but you could hear him chuckle as he said it.

Without realising it ,you watched him start to leave, his back turned to you as your mouth was agape. You wanted to call out to him to say what you wanted to say but you were also too embarrassed to do so... so you let him go.

What you didn't realise was that that would end up being your biggest mistake.

The next day you were sent to go on patrol with him, the patrol was going well until a heavy storm hit, next thing you know you both were swarmed with infected. Having to encounter another girl and saving her, she was able to lead you guys to somewhere safe. Only to be lead into another trap.

The sound of a gunshot going off had your heart race, your eyes widening at the sight of Joel having his knee shot. Even with your struggle against the people pinning you down, it wasn't enough but everything went pitch black the moment you endured a punch to the face.

Then it was quiet.

But your consciousness came back. Slowly cries of a familiar voice woke you up. You almost wished you hadn't opened your eyes when you saw the sight waiting for you. He was bloody, hardly recognisable. You could only watch in disbelief as he was being held by Ellie in her arms, tears streaming down her cheek.

Even then, during his funeral, you couldn't even show up. It was too much. You were there with him when it happened. You felt as though you could have stopped it. You knew something felt off so why didn't you notice anything sooner?

The guilt was like a void drowning you in.

Just like that you spent your day pondering about the what ifs and alternative scenarios of what could have been. You made yourself coffee but the sound of you pouring into your cup was soon interrupted by the sound of knocking on your front door.

You let out a sigh before putting down the cups and then heading off to check who it was. When you opened the door, for a split second, an image of Joel appeared and it made you froze in place. Your mind was busy registering what happened that Tommy, who's the person that knocked, stared at you concerningly.

"You alright?" He asked and your lips moved but no words came out.

"I uh yeah... fine... I just haven't had my coffee yet" You said, quickly thinking of an excuse for your behaviour. He nods, seeming convinced.

"Well I just wanted to drop by and see how you were doing. Lot of the folks were beginnin' to worry about ya, they say they haven't seen you around lately" He said and the reality of the outside world was crushing on you.

"I'm good" You said but his face was showing how he wasn't taking it.

"I highly doubt that... but I'm not sayin' I blame ya... everyone's going through it. I just hope you know you're not alone" He said, nodding his head at you out of encouragement.

"... thanks..." You could only say and he looks at you for a while to study your well being before finally leaving.

Even after he left, you didn't go back in your house to get back to your morning coffee. Instead your fingertips scratches at the wood of the door as you began to overthink, one thought overtaking the other rapidly. You've tried multiple solutions to solve this problem but none seemed to work so far. That was until you had an idea.

An idea you might hate but was willing to try.

Putting on your coat, you left the house and decided to walk towards your destination. On the way you could see multiple people going about their days. The sight of seeing parents getting along with their kids made your heart ache which made you look away.

You tend to distant yourselves from the kids at Jacksons.

It wasn't done out of hate or anything.

It was out of envy.

Their innocence were somehow still preserved from the cruelty of this world.

Because how is it that you never got to experience that at a young age?

And when you did experience the safety that you longed for from someone.

It eventually melts away like a lit candle... until it's nothing but just melted wax.

The sound of your shoes crunching on the snow stops the moment you stood at the location you had in mind. You could only stare down at him, his grave, decorated with flowers and messages. In a way you felt better knowing so many people looked up to him the way you did.

Then you looked around to make sure there was nobody nearby that could potentially see what you were doing. Being out in the open after shutting everyone out made you felt a sort of guilt. But you also wondered is it really guilt for putting yourself first?

You cleared your throat as you look back down at his grave. Your breath like smoke from the cold weather.

"I uh... I don't really know what to say..." You uttered and you stayed quiet for a moment before finally saying something again.

"I'm sorry... for everything. For letting this happen. You didn't deserve this" You shut your eyes, trying to control the pace of your breathing.

"I'm scared. I'm so fucking scared. I don't know what to do with myself now that you're not here. I want you back... fuck... e-every day I wish you'd just walk up to my house to give me one of your talks. Hh... I really miss you. I fucking miss your voice" You sobbed, tears welling up your eyes as your nose was clogged, making it hard for you to even breath.

"I know I suck and I'm sorry for always being such an asshole to you. Just come back. Please. I fucking beg you" You got on your knees and could only stare hopelessly at his grave. Some part of you inside still not accepting the reality of this.

"I wish I got to tell you how happy I would have been to be your daughter. You're a cool dad. You're the only dad I actually have in this hell hole. Somehow you made me feel loved" You said, the words you've wanted to tell him that day finally coming out.

"I don't wanna be alone. I don't wanna feel these things... please... please..." You trailed off, muttering to yourself that you failed to notice the butterfly fluttering around you... before settling down on his headstone.

The very fear that you've prayed would never come true had became reality.

You were now alone.

You really lost the very same people who said they would stay your side forever.

Your hands than clawed at the snow, the sadness in your chest slowly transforming into rage. Hatred. You could feel your head almost pop from it. The tears feeling cold under your burning cheek. You stare at his grave, your gaze sharp.

"I'm gonna hunt them down... I'll find whoever that girl is... and I'm gonna kill her even if it takes away what humanity I have left in me" You said, a promise.

The butterfly on the headstone flutters its wings at you, almost like it's trying to say something but soon it flies away. You simply watch it go before standing up on your feet and heading back, getting ready for your hunt for revenge.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook:

Monochrome 🔞 [Teaser]

In which Jungkook has never fallen in love before- not until you came along, at least.

Tags/Warnings: Hybrid AU, Munchkin Cat!Reader, Siberian Tiger!Jungkook, DDLG aspects, Daddy!Jungkook, height difference/Size kink, petplay (in a way?), strangers to lovers, mild Angst, Fluff!, quiet!Reader, Model!Kook, mentions of death & grieving, romance, smut, protected sex, Dom! Kook, manhandling, strength kink, biting, hybrid behavior (scenting, marking, grooming and other)

Length: approx. 4-5k

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

He's still irritated. You don't deserve any of this.

He hopes he might be able to get the paperwork signed- and you out of this place as soon as he can. There's technically nothing speaking against it after all; he's a level 2 at the end of the day, his hybrid side a lot less dominant than in someone like you. And while it's made him feel like an outcast for a long time, feeling like he doesn't belong neither here nor there- looking at you now, his feelings have changed.

He feels glad, for the first time, that he's the way he is.

"If she's getting too much you can just tell her to go play or something." One of the workers tells him as she'd spotted him with you still somewhat laying on his thigh, his hand comfortably resting on your shoulder while you play with his rings on his other hand. "She tends to get clingy with anybody who pays attention to her." She snickers, but he shakes his head.

"No, it's really fine." He denies her, well aware that she's been eyeing him ever since he'd gotten here the first day, and he can't hold back on his next words. "I actually think she's cute." He smiles down at you, and your cat-ears twitch at that before you look up at him, making him laugh.

"I mean.. I guess? Maybe it's a hybrid thing that you like her." She shrugs, crossing her arms. "But she's gotta move soon, your manager told me they wanna take some more shots." She says with more bite to her tone now- and in a way, it satisfies Jungkook.

He lets you rest on him for a little longer- until he pulls out something from his bag, brown paperbag containing a baked treat you know all too well.

He brings it every time, ever since you've told him you like it, after all.

"Nuh-ah." He chuckles when you instantly sit up and reach for it, turning his body a little towards you on the bench before he holds out the donut, testing the waters. And for his own amusement.

And much to his said amusement, you do exactly what he hoped you would.

Without thinking much it seems like, you lean forward to take a bite out of the sweet treat while he's still holding it- and he can't help but smile at the scene. You're so unaware of your own appeal, completely oblivious to how charming you are, and in a way, it makes him upset. You really are just a soft soul being used and nothing else- and he just feels like he's got to offer his protection.

Because you seserve it- and vecause he wants to be that protector.

Mostly because the connection you both have to one another is undeniable. Mates are an odd thing; but they're a real thing at the end of the day, and it's clear now that he's found his own in you.

You seem to have a moment of realization after the second bite, ears turning before your head follows as a worker says something Jungkook himself doesn't quite catch- but he knows he doesn't like it. "Hey- I'm over here." He tells you, and you look at him with a more shy expression now, almost embarrassed- letting go of his wrist as you sit back down on the bench, visibly uncomfortable. "Dont listen to them. I'm more interesting, am I not?" He teases to get your attention back, reaching out to wipe a crumb from the corner of your lips, making you smile a bit shyly to yourself.

You're so easy to catch.

"Why.." you start, seemingly thinking about your words. You do that a lot, he noticed- you either don't talk at all, or very quietly, and in a way, he's not sure if that's been something they pushed onto you in the carecenter here, or if you've always been this way. He wants to find out, that's for sure. "Why do you.. like me?" You ask, visibly unsatisfied with how you formulated that sentence. It's another proof of your difference in hybrid level compared to Jungkook.

But no matter, he will learn to understand you, until he no longer needs you to speak at all.

Jungkook simply shrugs at your question. "Maybe a mate thing. Maybe just because I like you." He answers. "I don't need to have a reason for it, though. You're a very sweet person, very likable." He tells you before he breaks off another piece of the donut, holding it out. "Now come on. Be a good girl and finish up, alright?" He teasingly tells you as he eats the other leftover piece himself, just to pull yours away from you when you reach out for it with your hand. "Nop." He chuckles, making you glare at him, tail swiping behind you from side to side, and he can't help but laugh at the scene, head thrown back.

Adorable.

Until he feels your lips brush against the tips of his fingers as you snatch the last piece of your treat from him, his gaze immediately back on you as you watch his reaction with a more challenging expression, and he can't help but be intrigued.

"I feel like it'll be a good idea. Jungkook!" His manager smiles, walking up to you both. "You've got her there already, perfect. We'd like to unclude her in the next few shots tomorrow, see how she does." He tells him, and Jungkook looks at you who seems visibly uncertain.

"You okay with that?" Jungkook asks, and you look at the camera set up close by with an almost fearful expression. "Dont worry. They'll tell you what to do, and I'll help as well. Or is it something else?" He asks, making you move to sit on the bench more properly, feet almost touching the floor, but not quite. He realizes what might be the problem when a staff member accidentally let's a brush fall to the floor, your ears instantly flattening for a short second from the harsh sound. "Ah- does the camera sound scare you?" And you nod at that, making his manager laugh a bit.

"Oh no, don't be scared! It's totally normal. Maybe Jungkook can show you how it works?" He says, before looking over at the careworker close to him. "My son has a hybrid too- he used to hate the sound of the microwave too until my son explained to him how it functioned." He chuckles. Jungkook remembers that. Namjoon and Jimin are an odd couple, but weirdly, they also fit perfectly.

"I don't think she'll understand that, but you can try." The careworker shrugs disinterested, clearly upset at Jungkooks lack of interest in her.

"Come on, let's have a look then." Jungkook simply tells you with no thought wasted on the woman, as he walks to the big cameras with you, Taehyung already looking your way. "Hey, can you maybe explain to her why the camera makes that noise?" Jungkook asks his friend, who nods at you.

"Its pretty loud, isn't it?" He tells you, and you nod- standing on the tips of your toes to try and see through the lens, but to no use. "You're so short!" Taehyung chuckles, and Jungkook can't help but be amused too.

"Hm, here, you can step on that." He offers, sliding an upside-down thick plastic bucket close to you to stand on; his hands instinctively on your body yo steady you as you step onto the container.

"Alright, so.." Taehyung starts to explain the camera to you, and Jungkook can't help but be thankful that his friend is clearly aware of the fact that you're not a stupid child- the photographer never oversimplifying anything, simply telling you the general mechanics to make sure you understand what's happening, that nothing is breaking or could cause any harm. And then the camera makes its distinctive sound.

Your ears still flatten for a split second, but your body makes no sign of being scared or surprised any longer. It worked.

"I can't turn it off, sadly. It's a mechanical sound, so there's no way around it." Taehyung shrugs towards his friend, and Jungkook simply nods.

"It'll be fine." Jungkook says, helping you down from the bucket as the manager says his goodbyes to the first staff. It reminds Jungkook of something in that moment he almost forgot. "Alright, go get your stuff now. I'll go change and then we can go, alright?" He asks, and you seem confused- until you seem to realize.

You're going home with him today. And tomorrow. And the day after, too.

Jungkook can't help but laugh when you dash off into the hallway to get your things, as he himself goes to change himself. He really hopes you'll like it at his place, hopefully enough to decide to stay- and if you do, all he needs are your papers signed and approved. He hates the way the system works, but he also understands it somewhat.

Even though it's clear that not everything goes exactly as it's meant to be.

But once you're with him, once he's got you safe, there will be no more of this. He'll make sure the world gets to know what's going on behind closed doors, having already discussed the plans with his management after all- and he can't deny his anticipation.

He can't wait to see that man lose all he's never even deserved to have in the first place.

But before he can even think any further about those things happening, you're pulling on the hem of his sweater to gain his attention, already dressed in scarf and coat and those fluffy boots he'd bought you yesterday- a lot better quality than those worn down things they'd given you. You deserve to be spoiled in his opinion, not tossed aside like you've been for God knows how many years- and he'll make sure that'll happen.

"Come on." He smiles at you, taking your bag for you as he walks outside the building to his car, opening the door. "We can sleep early or have some food delivered- what would you like?" He asks, getting into the car after you, the driver closing the door after him as he's finally seated next to you, seat belts clicking into place for the both of you.

You shrug as an answer, and he laughs, watching as you yawn, the tiger teasingly pointing his finger into your mouth- but he doesn't expect you to close it so quickly. While you don't bite down on it (at least not hard enough to ever really hurt), he still can't help but be affected by it. Especially when he pushes down on your lower lip, your tongue jokingly licking the tip of his finger, making him smirk at you.

Behind your innocent facade does slumber a tiny little tiger too, in a way, it seems like.

And he honestly doesn't know if he can handle having you around him like this for much longer, while not doing anything about it at all. He's already almost kissed you yesterday, and by now he knows you feel just as attracted to him as he does to you.

You're mates after all. Similar age. Technically in the same hybrid group. Nothing speaks against it.

And yet he's got to be careful. He doesn't want to end up breaking your heart if things don't go as expected- he'd hate leaving you devastated. And yet still he feels as if he'd die soon if he doesn't at least get to feel your lips on his- there's nothing wrong with at least a kiss, right? Maybe just a little further than that- his couch his comfortable after all, and he for sure won't be able to withstand the temptation of at least holding you close with you staying with him tonight. "Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight? I can take the couch, no problems." He asks you to distract himself, ground himself again and get his mind off of things-

But then you visibly pout, ears drooping down a little as you look at him almost disappointed.

"Not.. with you?" You mumble, and his gaze focuses on you again, pupils dilated as he swallows thickly.

"I mean, I won't say no." He tells you, eyes never leaving yours. "But I probably should." He says, making you tilt your head in question. Though in your eyes, in the way they sparkle mischievously, he knows you're very much aware of the implications.

"You won't." You simply smile next to him, legs stretching and tail swaying from side to side, and all he can think of is brat. There's no trace of the shy little cat left it seems like right now, as you look at him all confident and almost challenging.

And yet, he can't disagree.

He won't say no.

♥━━━━━━━━━━•.♡.•━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

[scoobydoodean]

Season 2 Sam spends the first four episodes of season 2 scared that Dean is going off the deep end. He knows his brother is not grieving their father in the way he expects by 2.02. By 2.04 he knows Dean thinks he should be dead. By 2.09, Dean plans to off himself imminently.

All of this concerns Sam. Sam keeps insisting Dean tell him what's wrong. He keeps insisting Dean is not okay and that Dean needs to open up. He keeps telling Dean he can help. Sam can carry part of the load. Sam cares.

(2.04, 2.09)

Then he finds out why his brother is depressed and contemplating suicide. John told Dean he had to save Sam—it was all on him—and if Dean couldn't, he's gotta kill Sam.

Of course Sam is gonna have feelings about that. It's a horrible fucked up thing to hear your dad said about you. It's awful and horrible and Sam has every right to be upset and freaked out and he has every right to be mad that Dean couldn't bring himself to repeat what was said for so many weeks.

That said. My guy. Spends the rest of the season. Regurgitating John's words back at Dean. The words that made Dean want to kill himself.

Because Sam knows Dean will not do this. He knows Dean will not kill him. He knows that from the very first episode he finds out. He knows Dean will not kill him with such confidence that he jokes about it in the same episode where he finds out.

But after 2.10... Sam starts to get scared. He isn't scared of what Dean will do to him. He's scared of what Dean won't do.

He's scared Dean will never be able to bring himself to kill Sam—to do what's necessary. So Sam needs to find a way to make Dean follow through on John's dying wish. So he gets drunk in the next episode—in 2.11. And he plays out Dean's conversation with John from 2.01.

(2.01, 2.11)

Then he follows it up the next morning, basically saying, "It doesn't matter that I was drunk and grabbing you and wouldn't let go and that you didn't mean it and only promised to placate me (something I clearly know otherwise I wouldn't bring the conversation up again). You made a promise. Are you going to make yourself a liar now? Are you going to lie to me?"

(2.11)

The problem is, this doesn't work. Dean isn't going to be coerced into a promise, and the ramifications of breaking this "promise" for Dean are so much smaller than the fall out on keeping the "promise" it's not even funny.

Meg tries to make Dean think that Sam's gone off the deep end in 2.14—tries to hold him to the "promise" he made—also tacks on a promise Dean never made to John either on top—trying to guilt him into executing his own brother.

Sam gets his body back, and at the end of the episode... he pounces.

(2.14)

"Are you going to be able to do this? It's your job. Dad told you to. You have to. It was an order."

(2.11)

You're a hunter. It's your job. Sometimes the job is ugly. But it's what you were meant to do.

GORDON This isn't personal. I'm not a killer, Dean. I'm a hunter. And your brother's fair game.

(2.10)

(2.10)

And Sam... Maybe he is this ruthless himself. Maybe he isn't demanding something of Dean that he wouldn't be willing to do himself (at least not at this point in time).

(2.17)

Dean doesn't want to do what Sam can. He can't.

2.17 is named "Heart" because it's about werewolves who eat hearts. But it's also about the show's fracturing narrative heart facing his own impending demise... because Dean's heart will rupture in two if he follows through with Sam and John's wishes—that he become Sam's executioner.

The embrace of death at his own hand seems ever sweeter—ever more deserved—ever softer and kinder than dying the way Sam and John are asking him to without even seeing it.

(2.20)

Death is the light at the end of the tunnel that absolves Dean of Sam and John's expectations. It's the way he makes their family's mistakes right—how he takes his body that's supposed to have given out 12 episodes into season 1 and then again in 2.01 and makes himself the sacrifice he was supposed to be—already was—always has been.

SAM So, what, now I live and you die? DEAN That's the general idea, yeah. SAM Yeah, well, you're a hypocrite, Dean. How did you feel when Dad sold his soul for you? 'Cause I was there. I remember. You were twisted, and broken. And now you go and do the same thing. To me. What you did was selfish. DEAN Yeah, you're right. It was selfish. But I'm okay with that. SAM I'm not. DEAN Tough. After everything I've done for this family, I think I'm entitled. Truth is, I'm tired, Sam. I don't know, it's like there's a, a light at the end of the tunnel. SAM It's hellfire, Dean. DEAN Whatever. You're alive, I feel good – for the first time in a long time.

(3.01)

[hawkstar5]

Can I request a headcanon of Data and/or Lore comforting their partner while they're grieving the loss of a parent, please?

What immediately comes to mind:

Data:

Analyzes all relevant psychology texts on dealing with grief so he's better equipped to help you through. Reads up on famous literary passages too to offer a comforting word, since he's not exactly great at coming up with them on his own.

Makes you your favorite warm beverage and constructs a small nest of blankets and pillows for you to bundle up in. He might join you and act as a heating blanket himself while he lets you cuddle on him. He gives firm, warm hugs, and doesn't seem to mind you using his uniform as a tissue.

Tells you that there is no shame in tears, and in fact, crying has many therapeutic benefits for hormonal regulation.

"Since I am incapable of judgment, you may release your emotions however you wish." (he is secretly very interested in observing this, but keeps it suppressed).

Takes you to the Holodeck to a recreation of a pastoral wildflower meadow so you can talk about things in private.

Under a lazy sunny sky, he asks you to share some of your favorite moments so that he can record them to his perfect memory, "so that they are never truly gone, if your memory of them lives on in me."

Lore:

Tries to act aloof about it with trite platitudes, but seeing you so upset softens him up to something more genuine.

He silently hugs you from behind and sways with you, feeling you letting everything go and simply being present for you, running his fingers through your hair as he listens.

"I don't have good memories of my old man, or my mom. Maybe you have better ones?" he asks, in an awkward attempt to start conversation about them. He's interested to hear what other relationships with parents sound like compared to his own.

When you are too tired from the emotional whirlwind, he silently prepares one of your favorite meals, complete with a little dessert for when you rouse.

"It's the least I can do, since you're so useless you can't even feed yourself right now." It may seem harsh, but it's his version of a joke right now.

Offers to take out out on one of his ships to go blow up some asteroids somewhere to "let off some steam". He hopes it'll help take your mind off things.

Lets you cuddle next to him in bed, and with a surprisingly smooth voice, sings old jazz standards to you softly as you drift off. the last thing you feel is a small kiss to your forehead.

[yelenasdiary]

angst: nat cheats on reader… reader sees nat move on with her new lover

Broken Love

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: Things haven’t been the same for you since the snap. Natasha grew more distant by the day with no excuses, leaving you to question your worth to her. 

| Angst | Very light fluff | Language Warning | She/her Pronouns | 2.7K | 

AC: Let’s pretend this was posted on Tuesday, thank you! Enjoy!! X

Since you started dating Natasha you never ever thought you'd be standing in front of her right now asking her this question. From the start Natasha has always made you feel on top of the world, never letting you doubt yourself or allow those horrible thoughts you have about yourself to take over your spirit.

She never failed to make you feel truly loved, cared for and wanted. Whenever you were sick, she was there with a warm tea or running you a warm shower, whenever you were having one of your bad days, she reminded you how important you were to her and would hold you close while you cried in her arms. Natasha truly was the person who made your heart skip a beat, the one who warmed your cheeks up whenever she'd wrap her arms around you, the one who helped build hope within you when she'd tell you how beautiful and smart you were. 

So why was it, with all these wonderful things, you were questioning her intentions? 

After the snap, something in Natasha changed. She could come home later, she'd be gone before you woke up in the morning, she'd barely touch you, kiss you or talk to you, sometimes she'd made the effort to leave the room the moment you walked in. At first you let her behavior slide knowing she was most likely still grieving for her best friend, Clint. But as the weeks went on, she grew more and more distant and eventually you were living in the shared apartment alone. 

"Nat, please…talk to me…" you begged with teary eyes. She couldn't look at you, her eyes stay glued to the tips of your shoes. "Did I do something to make you upset? Did something happen that I don't know about?" you asked. Natasha's jaw clenched at your last question, "what is it? What don't I know?" 

"Y/n, just drop it. I've told you, things are the compound are just a lot right now" Natasha's eyes finally looking at yours for a couple of short lived seconds. 

"I can't" you shook your head lightly, "I just want to know the truth Nat…" you added. 

"The truth? You don't believe me? Do you know how much bullshit we had to do since the snap? Since Thanos? You know, not everything is about you right now." She snapped, her brows frowning. 

The built-up tears in your eyes finally falling as you confront her with your suspicions. 

"I can smell her perfume on you, Nat" 

Natasha froze, her eyes searching yours for a hope you were just being silly, "wh-what are you talking about?" she asked. 

"Please don't make me do this Natasha… I just…I need to know…have you been sleeping with her?" 

The room went silent, Natasha's eyes flickered away, she chewed her bottom lip slightly before taking a seat on the sofa. "Yes" she broke, barely keeping her eye contact with you, "I did" she added. Your heart dropped at her words, you tried to hold back your tears, but it was pointless. "W-who is she?" 

"It doesn't matter, Y/n…I shouldn't have done it"

"It does matter, Natasha" you took a deep breath, "it does matter, who is she?" 

Natasha looked down at the coffee table in front of her, "it's Carol" 

"Carol..." you repeated the name, "how long?" 

"Y/n, please don't do this, don't ask these questions"

"How long, Natasha" tears now heavily running down your cheeks. 

"Baby, it doesn't matter. It's over between her and I, I promise" 

"Natasha just answer the damn question" you snapped. 

She sighed, "it happened three times since the snap" she replied, again her eyes flickered away from yours. "When did you last see her?" 

"I last saw her before I came home tonight but the last time, we…it was" she paused and stood from the sofa taking a couple of steps closer to you, "it doesn't matter" she spoke. 

"Don't touch me!" you stepped back away from her open arms, "This whole time I thought it was me that did something, that I might have upset you!" 

"I know baby… I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for this to happened, it was a mistake" she pleads. 

"No Natasha… a mistake happens once, not three fucking times!" 

"You're right, I'm sorry, I really am. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm a fucking idiot, I've hurt you and I can't forgive myself but please…let me fix this" 

You shook your head at her words, "Nat, this isn't something you can just fix with your sweet talk and affection! I can't trust you" you turned your back to her making your way to the bedroom. Natasha followed, her heart ripping out of her chest "Where are you going to go?" she asked as you pulled out the small suitcase from the wardrobe.

"That's none of your business" you mumbled as you started to pack some of your clothing. 

"Baby please don't go; we can work through this. We'll go to couples counselling, I'll cut all connections with her, I can't lose you" she closed the lid of your suitcase when you tried to put your clothing inside. "You should've thought about that before you decided to fuck Carol three times!" You snapped, pushing her hand away.  "You're upset, you have every right to be, I fucked up, but I know you still love me" she watched you gather more of your belongings.

"I can't believe you did this to us, to me! After everything we've been through, you do this? And for what? Why did you do it?" 

"I-I don't know… it just happened…I have no excuse" 

"So, you didn't even think about me while you were with her?" 

Natasha didn't reply. The sound of your suitcase being zipped up was the only sound that killed the silence, "I didn't think so" you blinked your tears down your cheek once more. "Don't go" Natasha reached for your left arm. "I need space, I think it'll be best if you just left me alone" you looked at her one last time before walking out with some of your things. Leaving Natasha to slump herself down on the end of the bed with her head in her hands only to break into tears when the front door closed. 

You went to the only person who knew you well enough to understand you. Knocking on her door at 11:32pm, your suitcase behind you and your eyes sore from crying, she answers. 

"Y/n, what's wrong?" Concern quickly washes over Wanda's face. 

"S-she cheated on me Wands" you broke once again. "Oh honey" Wanda pulled you in for a tight hug, "come inside" she spoke when it started to rain. She grabbed your suitcase for you and took it to the guest room as you sat yourself down on her sofa. 

"Here" she spoke softly, offering you a box of tissues before she sat down next to you, wrapping her right arm around you as you laid your head comfortably in her lap. "What happened?" she asked. 

"S-she said she slept with Carol three times" you replied as more tears filled your eyes, "she didn't even try to give me an excuse for why it happened" you added. Wanda gently rubbed your bicep as you cried in her lap. "I'm so sorry sweetheart" she said softly before brushing the locks of hair out of your face. "I love her so much Wands, but she's broken my trust" you sobbed. 

"It's okay honey, let it out" she kept gently rubbing your bicep.

You cried until sleep took over you and eventually you fell asleep in Wanda's lap. She stayed with you until she knew you were deep in sleep before carefully placing a cushion under your head and getting a thick warm blanket from the guest room to cover you. 

----

In the morning, Wanda was careful not to wake you as she made herself a mug of coffee and some breakfast, soft snores came from her living room as you were still deeply asleep, even the knocking on the front door did nothing to you. 

"Nat, what are you doing here?" Wanda stepped out of the house, closing the door over slightly. "Is she here? Y/n, is she here?" Natasha asked. "She is but she's asleep and I don't think she wants to see you at the moment" Wanda replied sternly. "Come on Wanda don't be like that. Don't keep me from her. I know I hurt her, I know I fucked up but it's our business, not yours" 

"I heard what you said to Carol, Natasha" Wanda crossed her arms over her chest. "Oh yeah, what was that? That we shouldn't have done what we did?" Natasha frowned. 

"You said Y/n wouldn't find out, that she was too in love with you to even notice you were lying to her. Now you and I both know you and Carol have been seeing each other more than three times, so I think it's best that you give Y/n space and let her come to you whenever she's ready" Wanda tilted her head slightly to the left. 

"What do you think is going to happen when she finds out that you already knew about it and never told her huh? If you want to play hero Maximoff, you've picked the wrong time to do so" Natasha cocked an eyebrow. 

"I didn't know, actually. But after Y/n explained it all last night, it made sense. I've seen the way you and Danvers look at each other, I've seen the sneak aways and coming back 20 minutes later. How you could be so stupid, I don't know. All I do know is that you've crushed her and you being here right now would do more harm than good. Now I suggest you get off my property" 

Natasha rolled her eyes, "just tell her I need to talk to her" she said before walking away from the front door. "Oh, and Natasha, I will tell her the truth. She deserves to know" Wanda replied as Natasha was walking. "If you do that, she's never going to talk to me again!" Nat snapped as she turned to face Wanda again. "Well, you had your chance to tell her last night and you still lied, I won't lie to her" Wanda said before closing the door on Natasha. 

Wanda didn't want to wake you to tell you that Natasha just dropped by, she let you sleep for as long as you needed while she did some gardening out back to keep from waking you. 

When Wanda came back from the snap, she moved out of the compound and brought a large family like home in Westview. She wanted a break from being an Avenger, some time to herself to really process her life since Pietro and like Natasha, she too lost her closest friend, Vision. Wanda quickly fell in love with the normality of her new life, she made friends with her neighbors, she got time to watch her favorite sitcoms and discover new ones which the box set would sit proudly on her DVD display, the walls of her house had photos of those she loved and cared for. Unfortunately, there weren't any of her parents or Pietro, but she made do with buying objects that reminded her of them. 

"You've done a great job out here Wands!" you smiled as you held a warm mug of coffee. 

"Good evening to you" Wanda looked up from the roses and smiled, "did you sleep well?" 

"Surprisingly I did, thank you" you replied before taking a seat at her outdoor table, "I'll start looking for an apartment today and try find something quickly so I'm not in your hair" 

"Oh, no, please, stay as long as you need. The guest room is yours for however long you need" Wanda took her gardening gloves off and placed them on the table before taking a seat herself. "Thanks Wands, you're the best" you sipped your coffee. 

"I need to tell you something, it's about Nat" Your heart felt like it broke once again at the sound of her name. "She stopped by while you were asleep, she wanted to talk but I told her you were asleep and that you probably needed some time" Wanda started, "I didn't want to say anything last night because you were already so upset and I really don't want to make things worse for you but you need to know, I don't think it was just three times" she adds with a sorry look. 

"Oh" you swallowed the lump in your throat, "did you know?" you asked looking into her eyes. 

"No" she shook her head, "at the time I didn't think that was what was going on. If I did, I would've said something, you know I would've. But after you told me everything last night, it played on my mind" 

There was a moment of silence as you processed Wanda's words. 

"Di-did she look happy?" you asked. 

"I didn't look at them long enough, I just noticed the way they started to look at each other then it was the random leaving for moments and coming back flustered. I just thought they were doing something stupid to joke around with the boys…if I noticed sooner –"

"It's okay, Wands…I know, you would've said something" you felt the tears build up in your eyes once more, "I'm going to have a shower" you stood from the table, leaving your coffee behind as you walked to the bathroom. 

Warm water ran down your body as you sat at the bottom of the stream, your knees to your chest as you cried. Memories of Natasha and you once being so happy flooded your mind now turned into questions of "was she just with her before she came home?", "was she this happy because she just slept with her again?" All these thoughts soon led to "what was wrong with me?" Questions like, "did I do something wrong?", "was she not attracted to me anymore?", "was she no longer happy?". Even the sound of the shower couldn't cover the sound of your sobs as Wanda walked past the bathroom to get her phone from her bedroom. 

She hated to see you broken, she herself was furious at Natasha and Carol but knew her anger wasn't helpful to the situation. You needed a friend, somebody who you could trust, and she was that person, even if it frustrated her more that she had to keep herself some telling Natasha her true thoughts. 

----

It was months before you'd be able to see Natasha again, a few texts here and there was the little communication you gave the Russian spy. Wanda collected more of your things from the building you once called home and encouraged you to see Natasha just one more time, to really talk and sort things out. The pain in your heart didn't seem to get easier, even with time apart from Nat, it still felt fresh. Thoughts of yourself worth would dawn on you during the early hours of the morning between the tossing and turning, trying to keep the images of Natasha and Carol flashing through your mind. 

Deep down you knew that seeing Natasha was something that needed to be done, for some sort of closure. Many times, during the week you tried to send her a simple text asking to meet with you but every time your thumb hovered of the send button but never landed on it. Instead, you decided to just go to her. Maybe catching her off guard you would get the truth to your questions, not giving her any time to think of little lies to make the pain hurt less. 

The compound felt differently as you walked down the halls, following the sounds of loud laughter coming from the main living room. Your stomach turned with every step that led you closer and closer to the laughter before catching the drop of your already broken heart as your eyes locked onto the scene before you. 

Natasha sitting across Carol's lap as the two proudly showed off photos from the photobooth taken at a carnival. Nobody noticed your standing in the door frame, watching the two Avengers laughing at the faces they pulled in their photos. One of Carol's arms draped behind Natasha's neck while Nat's arms wrapped free around the blonde. You knew that talking to Natasha now wasn't going to go as planned, so, slowly, you turned on your heels and walked away. 

Leaving the woman you loved behind knowing she was happier with somebody else.

Taglist: @red1culous | @sayah13 | @charl-lally | @when-wolves-howl | @bentleywolf29 | @fxckmiup | @natasha-belova | @blackwidow-3 | @lissaaaa145 | @high--power | @parkerdaramitzzzz | @mmmmokdok | @wackymcstupid | @kiwiana145 | @shin-conan-kun | @nattyolw | @ripofflizzie | @goofy-goonie | @makegoodchoices | @apollo2907 | @wandaroman0ff | @dumb-fawkin-bitch | @lovelyy-moonlight | @santana1437 | @ahintofchaos | @fluffyblanketgecko | @puta1 | @inluvwithfictionalwomen | @tintedrose12 | @jaymieflorissssssss | @tita001 | @youralphawolf72 | @donnietarantino | @randomnessbecausewhynot | @natashamaximoff69 | @hehehehannahthings | @pandaemonium111 | @imnotslouching | @secrettoallofyou | @romantic-slaps-on-the-asss | @marvel-fan-2021 | @mmmmokdok | @riveramorylunar | @ripofflizzie | @marvel-madnessx | @scarsw1fe | @toldthatdevil | @itsmv3 | @natashaswife4125 | @katiemay-025 | @aphrcdtes | @romanoffs-widow | @natsxwife | @maria-403 | 

[pink-valkyrie-writes]

Could you do reinhardt x fem reader relationship head cannons please

omg I love grandpa Reinhardt. He's a gilf fr and I want him LMAOOO.

Reinhardt x fem!reader

-warnings: sfw then nsfw, older man x younger woman, fluff and smut :)

SFW:

-Since Rein is an older guy, he would def have an old school take on getting into a relationship

-Leaving flowers left in at your door, eating together during lunch, writing you little notes to get you through your day, kisses on your knuckles, and dancing in the moonlight/rain (whichever comes first)

-Since my man is 7'4, he's definitely going to be taller and bigger than you. He will always be gentle with you, treating you like a porcelain doll. Hell, even if you were somehow stronger than him, he will still act like you're made of glass.

-Though he is a sweetheart, due to his past I feel he can have moments of grieving. As much as you want to help and try to feel better, sometimes the burden is too much to bear and can push you away.

-Give him time, assuming you're younger than him (gilf is 61), there some things that take longer to heal/ deal with. He doesn't expect you to fully understand, but listening helps so much. Tell him he can rest his lap in your lap and talk it out! He will try his best to explain his crusader past to you.

-More on him being a sweetheart, it's almost sickening how much he cares about you. Opens the doors for you, gets upset if you open them yourself. He will push you back out the door to open them for you himself.

-Even though his shoulder kills him, he will still pick you up and carry you around. On the battlefield, if you happen to be hurt, he will carry you to the nearest medic...but he will still refuse to let you go. Even his has to hold you while swinging his hammer, he will do it.

-He loves to sleep with you on top of him. It's just relaxing for him, like sleeping with a weighted blanket. He'll hold you close to his chest and sleep like a baby.

-He does fear he'll roll over and crush you...but that hasn't happened yet.

-You will have to show him how to work a cell phone. It's an excuse to have you close. But he genuinely needs your help

-If you're a healer, he'll only go to you. For literally anything. Any physical therapy? He'll only ask for you. Sick? he'll visit you every day to get a checkup.

-adding onto that, he knows that being a medic can be stressful. He'll do anything and try to make you relax. Massages, movie nights, and even try and cook for you. He'll place you in his lap and try to relieve you of stress from work.

-If you two ever have to go on separate missions, Rein will be contacting you every day. He'll send emails and call you whenever you're both free to talk. Rein will and can talk for hours so you may not get sleep that night.

-Once you two meet up again from your mission, he'll give you the biggest bone crushing bear hug. He gets so excited to see you that he can't contain himself.

-he hasn't felt this kind of love in years, so he may be clingy in the beginning. At times it can be suffocating. But You two can talk it out and create boundaries,

-The two of you sit together outside of the Watchpoint: Gibraltar, gazing up at the stars. He wanted to have a moment of peace for you two. It was fresh into your relationship with Rein and it was the honeymoon phase. He held your hand as you two talked about anything and everything.

-"Mein engel...I'm happy we were able to find time for ourselves..." Rein said, leaning down to place a kiss on your head. You smiled, feeling a sense of joy, "Me too... I know this is not the most romantic place but...anywhere with you in amazing.." You told him, smiling up at him

-He laughed, "You know such a way with words.." Rein said, his hand now caressing your face. He then pulled you into his lap, holding you close. The two of you sat with each other in a comfortable silence.

NSFW:

-It's pretty obvious. Size difference.

-He loves holding onto your small body as he thrusts into you. It's a huge turn on to watch you underneath him.

-Because my man is huge...There is going to be a small belly bulge. He's a sucker for it. He knows he's huge (not just height) and he's so proud you can take him

-He loves to top, a soft dom. he never gets too rough from the fear of hurting you, but a couple ass smacks never hurt anybody

-Rein doesn't know how he feels about toys. He's old fashioned and thinks he should give you pleasure. I think one you show him a vibrator and it can help during sex, he'll come around

-Sometimes he'll use a vibrator on you. He'll sit you in his lap and press it against your sensitive. And my man is strong, so you won't be getting out of his grip any time soon. Also use one on him, he'll go crazy

-FULL NELSON! FULL NELSON! IDC IDC IDC.

-he'll show his strength by folding your legs back behind your head, his hands holding the backs of your knees and thrust into you.

-Since he is older, sometimes he can get achy bones. Just ride him and make him feel better <3 He also loves seeing you ride him. He'll run his hands up your chest and hold your breast as you bounce on him <3

-Loves getting blowjobs from you. He loves standing up and looking down at you. He'll rest a hand on your head and praise you.

-He is big down there so taking his dick will take some practice. Just take your time, Rein is a very patient man with you...and he knows his size is big so he'll help you practice deepthroating <3

-He can get insecure about his age. You're so much younger and he feels you deserve better. Worship his body, praise him, and tell him how much you love him

-Standing sex <3 that's all I have to say

-He loves to eat pussy. Idc he loves to give you pleasure. He will feel bad about his beard rubbing against your thighs and giving you a brush burn :(

-He loves when you show him new things and learning with you is a huge turn on. He always tells you that you can teach an old dog new tricks <3

[rosenotactuallyquartz]

Who's your fav character of su?

my top three favourite steven universe characters

(because three are particularly special to me)

pearl

i’d use the favourite character label for pearl because of how much i admire her. being there for steven through his personal trauma. giving connie + steven support that she + rose never had while also learning from them. she has to work through her flaws, trauma, grieving the loss of the love of her life, never having a childhood, struggles with understanding humans so that she can properly care for a human child. but she loves so strongly and that helps her significantly. she loves him just as rose would have loved her son. steven always says things like, “pearl is smart and she’s always trying to protect me from danger!”

gosh, i love everything about pearl as a rebel against homeworld. homeworld says that pearls are inferior gems with irrelevant feelings—sugar writes in end of an era that rose fell in love with certain aspects of pearl’s personality, one of her main traits being how fiercely opinionated she is. homeworld says that pearls are not built to fight, pearl learns sword fighting for a war against homeworld gems who were supposedly built for fighting. she’s incredible and garnet’s first impression of pearl is “terrifying renegade.” homeworld says that pearls are made to serve, to simply stand there and follow orders from a superior who they don’t have a personal connection with. once they’re on earth & pearl can be who she is, she not only has her own personality but she’s able to fall in love and form a meaningful relationship. she wants to take care of her, keep her safe, make her happy. but she won’t do anything for her in some shallow, traumatizing homeworld way that involves her standing there & looking pretty & following orders. no, she’ll fight for her, she’ll be her knight because that’s the kind of personality she has. that’s the kind of love she has for her, it’s protective, caring, and bold rather than pure worship, feeling weaker than her, & timidity. it’s not always easy, and she has to work on complex trauma from homeworld (i.e., overprotective mixed with difficulties grasping that rose loves her for simply being herself and not because of the things she’s doing for her) but she makes progress and her growth is continuous, from flashbacks to the final episode.

in sworn to the sword, she has a memory in which she saves rose at the very last moment from a homeworld gem who’s supposedly “built for fighting.” she doesn’t even focus on how powerful she is in that memory, because all she’s thinking about is how scared she was for rose & the relief she felt when she was saved. she’s so smart & empathetic, so you can tell that she really cared about rose’s abuse trauma and the pain she tried to hide. by then, she is understanding humans more and therefore she only tells steven a little bit (i.e., having her feelings invalidated & being pushed to continue when she was upset that her colony would hurt living things in now we’re only falling apart), knowing that too much detail would be too scary for a child.

she also has lovely outfits (especially her outfit with the legwarmers) & songs. she can be so comforting & nurturing, yet so fierce & protective. which is great for both rose & steven.

rose

i’d use the comfort character label for rose because of how much i relate to her. our personalities, our views, the things we’ve been through, & some other more personal things. just a little tip for anyone who reads this: if you struggle with sympathizing with yourself, sometimes looking at a character you love & relate to is helpful! i have so much empathy for rose, and then i think, wait, but i’m so much like that. as a bi & poly girl, i feel so understood by her story in that way, too.

like pearl, she’s a complex and flawed character. she genuinely believed all life was precious, urged the crystal gems to protect even humans they didn't understand, and never wanted to shatter anyone. she saw beauty in everything but couldn’t apply that to herself—she couldn't forgive or love herself, or see the beauty pearl saw in her. it’s heartbreaking that pearl always tells others how much rose cared about all life, knowing rose’s only exception was rose herself.

while that’s not as comforting, it’s meaningful. you learn a lot from it. onto nicer things.

she’s also comforting because she’s so endearing to me. she says the most adorable things, has the cutest facial expressions, everything.

she’s associated with other things that bring me comfort; my favourite colour is pink, i love animals & she has a bunch of lion friends. i loved princesses & fairytales as a child & she gives me nostalgia with her healing powers & other princess traits. my four-year-old self watched princesses who did everything right, did no wrong, were loved by everyone. straight with one specific body type. i couldn’t quite relate to them, & of course i wanted to be a princess. but rose! she’s sapphic & chubby & she fights with her knight who uses she/her pronouns & she makes mistakes & has mental health issues & is disliked by some. i can’t even begin to explain how refreshing that is. she’s unique, realistic, relatable, different from the stereotypes, complicated, & just as beautiful (if not, more) as any princess that i loved growing up. her story with pearl has so many fairytale features & yet it’s so complex, which is really cool.

connie

connie is my third favourite character, and she is relatable in some ways as well as admirable. she resonates with me because of how i was growing up. so, she gives me some comforting childhood nostalgia too. overachiever, “gifted,” shy. i empathize with her so much & i love watching her character development.

connie + steven are different from other kids. connie is super smart & mature & quite anxious, while steven’s a gem with some really traumatic experiences. their closeness is so meaningful. they grow together while they enjoy being kids & making childhood memories together. connie also reminds me of how pearl would be if she was a kid who grew up in beach city. i could say the same about rose with steven, and i love the parallels. the kindergarten scene in now we’re only falling apart particularly made me notice the similarities in their personalities and the way they interact. like pearl, she starts off being nervous, following all rules. she’s seen as inferior to homeworld. that doesn’t matter, because her best friend & eventual love interest admires her even though he is a diamond who lives on earth as a quartz. he’s more playful, & their contrasting personalities are good for them.

i love how caring she is. she doesn’t understand everything about gems, and she’s a kid! of course it’s confusing and distressing. but connie never runs the other way when things come up because she knows this is confusing and distressing for steven, too. i love when she says, “i want to be part of your universe.” she always knows when she needs to check on steven, talk to him about difficult things, reassure him, & she even trains with pearl so that she can protect steven and the earth. her courage and determination amazes me, too. she sees the gems summon their weapons, resurrect, heal, see the future. she’s human, but she doesn’t let that phase her. she learns to fight and she’s incredible at it. she has so much empathy that she can truly put herself in other people’s shoes, ask them meaningful questions. she’s just a wonderful person.

if i made a top ten list, you’d also see steven, amethyst, garnet, ruby, sapphire, pink pearl, & blue pearl. there’s even more characters i love after that, but yes! i don’t know how to end this! bye, i suppose!

[sunnyikemen]

For Her

Pairing: Ikevamp Leonardo x MC

Summary: Leonardo takes on the heaviest burden for love. And he defies those who condemn this love.

Warnings: Mentions of death/dying.

Word count: ~850

Notes: Replaying Leonardo's route and am in a Mood. Might do more with this later, but for now kindly accept this small offering of tragic man.

***

“Can I tell you a secret?”

Leonardo's fingers continue tracing the contours of her face, but his eyes shift to hers, “Intriguing. Don’t think I can decline that offer. What’s on your mind?”

She lets her eyelids drop as fingertips trail down the bridge of her nose, and she breaths. Deep and slow. “I’ve been trying to wrap my head around…mortality. Specifically, mortality mixed with immortality,” another deep breath, “I think I’ve found a benefit.”

“Oh? Do tell.”

“Unfortunately, it’s only a benefit for myself, and it’s very selfish.”

“That’s not like you. It must be a very beneficial benefit.”

“Oh, it is,” she says.

Leonardo gives her a moment to elaborate, but it never comes. He cradles her face with his hand and brushes his thumb back and forth across her cheek. She doesn’t open her eyes, but her brows are tense.

“Ah, cara mia. You can’t leave me hanging like that.”

Her eyes open, and he sees doubt flash across them. Unlike her, he thinks.

“It’s’ not very kind to say, I’ve realised,” she says softly, “I never want to be unkind to you.”

Leonardo adjusts his head on the pillow so her wandering gaze finally focusses on his, and he brushes the rosiness of her skin with his knuckles. Sometimes he wonders if her goodness rubs off on him whenever he caresses her. He hopes so.

“I could never take what you say as unkindness,” he coos, but her worry doesn’t seem to ease, “What’s got you wound up, bella? Let me in. I wanna know what goes on in that pretty head of yours to give you an expression like that.”

“I just had the thought that…” she plays with the hair at the nape of his neck, “I won't have to grieve you.”

His fingertips finally stop their journey at the tip of her chin, his brows furrowed, “Cara mia, why are you thinking things like that?”

“And you never do?”

He doesn’t answer, “I don’t like when you think like that. It upsets you.”

“I know, but I selfishly can’t help it,” she takes a long breath through her nose, like she’s about to do a run up, “I’m aware it’s horrible, but in a way I’m glad that I’ll be the first to leave. I couldn’t bear any other outcome,” she opens her eyes, “I don’t want to miss you.”

Leonardo suspects she had imagined a different reaction from him. He feels her nails scratching nervously against his scalp, bottom lip between her teeth, anticipating his reply. But he smiles at her, and continues drawing patterns across her skin. Because she was right, he had thought about it too. And he had come to the same conclusion.

“I’m glad too,” he says steadily, “Can’t bear to see you upset, you know that. If that benefit is comforting to you,” he kisses between her brows, “then I’ll take this burden for you. I’ll miss you instead.”

Oh, how his love ran so deep for her that he’d do absolutely anything she asked. He never imagined, in all his amazing and ridiculous dreams, that he’d ever have a love like this. He is grateful to have it at all.

Leonardo can imagine others scoffing at a love so doomed. Sticking their noses up, laughing in his face. He can even imagine some pitying looks, with a hand on his back, and a why on the tips of their tongues. Why put yourself through that?

And his reply?

So am I not allowed to love at all, then?

He’d become defiant of that ‘why’ hundreds of years ago. He’d had much time to think it over, and he’d reached his conclusion.

If he was not allowed this joy, for the simple fact that it is fleeting, then he’d sit in the dark alleyways of life and he’d love. He’d brush his hand against the hand of a passerby. He’d catch eyes with someone from across the room and smile. He’d embrace another. He’d call them ‘lover’. He’d kiss them. If the world decided he shall not love then he shall do so illicitly, with the kindness and rebellion of a man who cared not if that same world abandoned him, for he knew he had his heart and that his heart was full.

And at his trial, he’d stand tall. At the condemnation of his heart, he’d look into the eyes of those who saw his feelings as a crime and him as a prisoner. He’d rattle his chains at them, knowing that he’d feel more love in his lover’s lifetime than they’ll ever feel in their own.

But even that last statement wasn't entirely true, for he’d love her even when she had no air in her lungs. He’d love her even if her heart turned to stone. He’d love her even when she is frail. And centuries after her eyes had closed for the last time, he’d love her. For her, even then.

“When I die, I hope it’s like this,” she croaks, “I hope we’ll be holding each other. I hope I’ll still feel your fingertips on my skin.”

Even then.

***

masterlist

[seenoversundown]

For Death Or Glory : Chapter Six

Jake Kiszka x Charlotte (Fem OC)

Warnings: It's still Sad hours folks, Mentions of Grief, Mild Anxiety, Some Self Deprecation / Negative Self Talk, AND THEN some Fluff, Cute Banter, Dry Humor, and the biggest warning of all: Pirate Facts (don't forget who we're talking to here)

Word Count : 3.5k

Summary : Charlotte is still processing the prior day's events and struggling to deal with her grief coupled with the fact she let a "stranger" see her upset. Unfortunately, things have to get worse before they get better, but she is well on her way to better.

Author's Note: HEHE ANOTHER ONE. Okay really though, I know we've been having sad chapters and I want you to get to good stuff so I figured since this is the last sad chapter for a bit AND she's a little shorter than the next handful, I may as well let you have her early. We start off a bit rough, but it only gets better as you read! PROMISE.

Honest - Joseph "There's always two thoughts, One after the other, I'm alone, No, you're not."

I’ve been sitting in bed since I got home last night, recounting everything. A full-blown meltdown, Charlotte? You really couldn’t choke it back for a little longer? I have never been good at letting people in. I tend to keep everybody at arms’ reach, which is why I now have… basically, no friends.  

I don’t know how I got here; that’s a lie. I am too intense. I work too much. I care too much about my work. I could stand to relax a little more. Okay, let’s not talk ourselves into a spiral now; it’s too early in the morning. 

It’s 7 a.m., and I’ve barely slept. I force myself out of bed. I just need coffee. Stretching as I walk into my kitchen, I set up my coffee pot and lean against the counter, rubbing my eyes to rid the sleep left on them. He was so sweet about it, too. He didn’t even hesitate. Taking a deep breath , I shake my head as if that would get rid of the thoughts. 

I pour some coffee into my favorite mug, take the first sip, and feel the warmth go through my body. ‘Oh, Honey’ rings in my head. Does he just give everybody pet names?  Finding myself on my couch, my laptop sitting next to me, taunting me with the option to work. I know I should take the day off with how little sleep I got, but I would also rather stay busy. 

I could just check my emails. 

Maybe I’ll just work for a few hours.  

It couldn’t hurt to just clock in. 

I’m pushing open my laptop, frustrated because I know I’ve lost the battle with myself again. I immediately pull up my emails, seeing a handful from the last few days that I haven’t answered. 

It’s a lot of easy work, which is good because, well, I shouldn’t be working right now. I spend a while replying to everything in my inbox, including an email to my boss. I sip my coffee between emails, trying to stay focused on work but finding my mind wandering. 

I would have been fine if he didn’t acknowledge that I looked sad. I could have gotten through that situation so much better. Why did he have to notice? I pause my thoughts, realizing how insensitive they seem. You’re grieving, Charlotte. Jesus Christ, give yourself some grace. You’re GOING to be sad. He was just good at handling that. I still can’t wrap my head around how quickly he reacted. Most men I’ve met probably wouldn’t have even realized something was wrong, let alone make sure I could privately have a moment. 

My throat starts to tighten again, and my chest feels heavy; I wish I could tell her about this. She would have been so shocked to hear that I let someone help me. My eyes start to get blurry. Oh, not again. I sit there, letting the tears fall down my face. 

“Fuck,” I mutter to my empty apartment. 

I rub my eyes, probably harder than I should, before making a second cup of coffee. Breathing shakily as I pour, text him. No. You need a friend, Charlotte. I don’t even know him, aside from his business. He said to let him know if you need anything, and you do kind of need something right now. I do not, I’m fine. Then why are you still crying? 

Sitting on my couch, I grab my phone and pull up his messages. Just text him. 

I struggle to type anything out for a moment, wiping my face a few times before finally settling on something simple. 

Charlotte: hi goodmorning 

I lock my screen quickly, setting my phone next to me, face down. Why did I do that? It’ll be fine. Just let him respond.  

Back to work, I open an email from my boss; 

‘Charlotte,  Why are you working today? I thought you took the day off? Regardless, how did everything go in Portland? Did you get the paperwork handled with Caravel Tavern? I’m hoping for your sake that the owner was pleasant and just filled it out for you.  It’s an unfortunate situation that you had to go there, but much appreciated that you were able to stop by and get that taken care of.’ 

My boss and I have been working together for a while, so I’d like to think that he isn’t being disingenuous with that email, but the fact he knows the ultimate reason I went to Portland and only seemingly touched on the work part is making my stomach hurt. Does everybody think that I’m emotionless? I went there to mourn my friend, and he was worried about how my work went. I feel the tears pricking at my eyes again. This time, I don’t fight them. Setting my laptop to the side, I take a few sips of coffee, wiping my eyes in between. 

My phone vibrates beneath my leg. Is it.. Grabbing it nervously, I flip it over, letting the screen turn on. There, his name sits on my lock screen. 

Jacob: Well goodmorning, how are you feeling? 

Not great. My stomach turns reading the question over and over. Why does he care? 

Charlotte: I’ve been better, honestly. How are you?

Why did you say that? He literally saw me cry yesterday. I think he’d be more shocked if I said I was feeling great.  

Jacob: oh i’m sorry, can I do anything to help? 

No. Just tell him you need a friend, especially right now. We have worked together, I can’t do that. I’m above him, technically. Charlotte, chill out. You’re not co-workers. You can be friends with him. 

Charlotte: I don’t know. I’m just having a rough morning  and I didn’t know who else to text. 

You don’t have anybody you would text anyway. This happens when you don’t keep in touch with your friends. 

Jacob: Do you want to talk about whats wrong or I can just try to distract you?

He’s so.. Don’t tell him. 

Charlotte: I think a distraction is needed 

I’m immediately curious how he’s going to be distracting through text. He’s distracting enough in person. Charlotte. I’m sorry, but it’s no secret. 

Jacob: In that case, how much do you know about the golden age of piracy? 

Charlotte: lol I do actually know a little bit, but go on. 

Jacob: Do you?? Well then, my personal favorites are Anne Bonny and Blackbeard is an obvious choice but.. I dont even care haha hes great. 

A smile crept onto my face when I read his reply. Why is it so wholesome that one of his favorites is a woman pirate? He’s probably just saying it.

Charlotte: You like Anne Bonny?

It’s marked as read immediately, and the typing bubbles pop up almost instantly.

Jacob: She was incredible! And she never was found?? That’s insane. You have to respect it. 

Charlotte: She really was incredible. I know a little about Blackbeard but, you can tell me about him.

Charlotte: If you want obviously, you don’t have to. 

Phone in hand, I walk into my bathroom and turn the shower on before facing the mirror. My eyes are puffy, and my hair is everywhere. God, Charlotte, get it together, girl. I set my phone on the counter, leaning in to look at myself closer. Seeing how dark my under eyes are and how irritated my waterline is from rubbing at them. I look down at the counter, feeling the tears coming back. Softly shutting my eyes to force the tears out. 

“For the love of god,” I whisper to myself. 

Undressing myself and stepping into the shower, I stand with my face in the water. Feeling the warmth surrounding me, it feels safe. Once the water has completely soaked my hair, I sit on the tub floor, holding my knees close to me, letting the hot water beat against my back. You’re allowed to be sad, Charlotte. Tears freely fall down my face. I hate this. 

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Carefully squeezing the water out of my hair and clipping it out of my way, I pull on a comfortable sweatshirt and leggings. I quickly rub some moisturizer into my face, grab my phone, and head back to the couch. I sink back into my spot, pull my throw blanket back over me, and slouch down into the corner. 

I pull my phone out and see a handful of texts from Jacob sitting there. 

Jacob: Welllll.. Supposedly his actual name was Edward Teach .. or Thatch.. Nobody really has confirmation because Pirates didn’t always use their real surnames to not spoil the family name. 

Jacob: He obviously was the owner of Queen Anne’s Revenge, but it was originally a French Slave ship named La Concorde that he managed to capture. 

Jacob: When he died, they beheaded him and put his head on a STAKE at the entrance to Chesapeake Bay!

Jacob: Are you okay? Is this annoying?

Why do I want to cry? Well, nobody else is checking on you.  

Charlotte: No, you’re not annoying me. I showered, I should have let you know. I’m sorry. 

Rubbing my eyes until I see TV static and taking long breaths seem to be the only thing calming me down. Nobody taught me how to handle waves of grief. My stomach turns at the thought. 

Jacob: dont be sorry, its okay. 

Charlotte: Are you actually working right now.. by any chance? 

What are you doing? I don’t want to be alone right now. 

Letting out a deep breath, trying to unclench my jaw, it’s hard to relax.

Jacob: I don’t have to be. 

My hands tremble as I click on his name and promptly click on the ‘call’ button. Please pick up. 

“Hey,” he says quietly, “what’s going on?” 

“Hi,” I whisper. My throat immediately gets tight, and my lips shake.” Um,” I say, taking another long breath. 

“Oh,” he whispers, “hang on.” I can hear the music from the bar slowly fade before the click of the door shut. 

“Are you okay?” 

“No,” I whimper softly, “I can’t stop crying, and I’m nauseous, and I just don’t want to feel alone.” 

Oh, that was a lot. 

“Hey, hey, slow down,” his voice is calm. “I’ll stay on the phone with you; just take a little breath for me, okay?”

In through your nose, out through the mouth. 

“You don’t have to tell me what’s going on if you don’t want to, but I hate that you’re so upset,” his voice getting a bit softer. 

“I don’t think I can say it out loud yet,” I confess, “It’s just- I’m sorry, it’s too much, and I-”

My breathing picks up again, and I can feel my heart pounding. This was a good idea, wasn’t it? 

“Honey, it’s okay,” he says, there’s that name again. “You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to. We can talk about anything else.” 

Breathe Charlotte. Closing my eyes, more tears fall, but my breathing slows. 

“What have you done today?” he asks.

“Um, I took a shower and answered some emails,” my voice still struggling to stabilize.

“You were working?” 

“I thought it would help distract me, but it sort of made everything worse,” I said, sounding defeated. 

His soft laugh is almost enough to make me smile, “Have you eaten today?” he continues the light interrogation. 

“No, I’ve only had coffee,” I tell him. 

“Why don’t you make yourself something to eat?” His tone is still very calm; he really is good at this, “Maybe sleep a little if you can.”

He’s right. I probably should eat something, at least.

“I definitely feel like I could use a nap,” I let out a sad giggle, wiping my eyes for the millionth time. 

“Do you want me to stay on the phone with you for a little bit?” 

My chest feels weird when he asks that. 

“If you don’t mind..” my voice was small, not wanting to be a pain. 

“I don’t mind one bit.” 

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I stroll into my kitchen, open the cabinets, and stare into them. 

“What should I eat?” I question out loud.

“Food is probably your best bet,” he answers dryly, and I swear I can hear the smirk on his face. 

“Incredibly helpful, thank you.” 

His giggle rings through my ears, and I can feel the tug on the corners of my mouth. His laugh is cute. Reaching into the cabinet and pulling out my bag of pretzel crisps. 

“What’s the verdict?”

“Just some pretzels,” I mumble, knowing it’s not much. But I’m also not starving. 

“Lunch of Olympians, Charlotte.” 

This time, it’s my laugh radiating through the phone. Oh. I bring my hand up to cover my mouth once I realize it. 

“That might be the first time I’ve done anything other than cry today.” 

“Happy to help, m’lady.” 

I giggle at the mild English accent that snuck out, “I think if you learn much more, you’re gonna become a pirate.” 

“That isn’t a threat to me like you probably think it is,” he says. 

“Have to start calling you Captain Jake Sparrow,” 

He clears his throat before letting out a weak “Yeah,” followed by an uncomfortable laugh. 

“Um, so,” he starts, “what’s something that you enjoy too much? Since you’re so graciously laughing about mine.” 

Working. You like other things, Charlotte. But working is the most satisfying. Baking.. Reading.. Hello? 

“I read a lot,” I blurt out, realizing I was in my head, “and I like to bake.”  My hand covers my face as I tell him because I definitely sounded like I just pulled it out of my ass. 

“Oh! I read a fair bit myself; what are you reading?” 

Fuck. Yeah, go ahead and tell him what you read. 

I scan the book on my coffee table; it’s just another contemporary romance novel. I like to alternate more non-fiction things with some romance because I’m not a robot. I have a soft spot for sweet stories. Something about effortlessly falling in love or watching two characters pine over each other for a good majority of the book before allowing themselves to act on it. 

“Uhhh…” I stammer over myself. “I don’t know if you’d know it.”  I can feel the heat rise into my cheeks as he breathes through the phone, waiting for me to elaborate. Slumping down into the corner of the couch.

“What genre?”

“It’s uh.. a contemporary romance..” I whisper quickly. Look, there’s nothing wrong with romance novels, but with how I have learned to present myself while I’m working, it feels a bit silly to admit. 

“Ooohhhhh,” he taunts. “Are you secretly a little hopeless romantic, Red?”

“I am just a girl, Jacob. You asked the question.” I giggle at the nickname and the fact he’s calling me out so quickly. Scooting myself down further, so I’m practically lying down.

“Alright, alright, fair enough,” he laughs, “I read a lot of historical things, as you can imagine. So, consider me boring.” 

“You are far from boring,” I tell him, not meaning to have it come off like it probably did.

“I think my brothers would beg to differ,” he sighs.

“I’m almost positive that’s just a sibling thing that they’re required to do,” I readjust my arm underneath my pillow, switching my phone to speaker and setting it next to me, “But also, maybe I just don’t think pirates are boring. Who’s to say?”

“Hey Jake, can I bother you?” I hear faintly in the background, “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Hang on for a second?” he asks quietly. 

“I’ll be here.” 

I close my eyes, just listening to the random sounds that pick up from his phone. God, I’m so tired. A yawn sneaks up on me, releasing a deep breath, and I can feel my body relax even more. I can feel my breathing change a bit, and my head feels heavier as I lie here. 

“Hi, I’m sorry,” he says. A small “oop” falling from my lips involuntarily. 

“Did I scare you?” he whispers this time.

“A little,” I mumble, my eyes still sewn shut, “I think I fell asleep.”

“Get some rest,” I swear I can hear the smile on his face, “we can talk later.” 

All I manage is an ‘mhm’ before I feel myself drifting back into my slumber. 

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 My phone vibrates against my face, jolting me from my nap. Holy shit. Swiping away the unknown caller, tucking my arms back into my blanket, and closing my eyes. I don’t want to be awake yet. Deciding to lay there for a few more minutes before becoming a human again. 

Finally, I caved and opened my phone. Jacob’s messages were still pulled up, but I noticed new ones sitting at the bottom. 

Jacob: i hope you feel a little better when you wake up. It was really nice getting to talk to you. I mostly talk to my brothers at this point so it was refreshing

Jacob: not the you being sad part, just the rest of it obviously 

I audibly laugh at the second text. He’s so uncomfortable. 

I scroll through our messages for a moment with a small smile.  You’ve been grinning at these messages… Well, he is charming. I mean, he basically talked you down until you were relaxed enough to sleep. I can still hear his voice in my head, ‘Take a breath for me.’ The way he looked at me as he wiped the tears from my face, I don’t know what happened at that moment. I hear Cass in my head, “Stop thinking yourself out of happiness.” 

I set my phone down, quickly sat up, and grabbed my laptop from my coffee table. I opened it, pulled up my emails again, and scrolled for the email from my boss. Hitting reply, I quickly start typing;

‘Good evening,  Actually,- I may need to work remotely. After spending a few days checking in, it seems like some assistance may be required-’

Actually what? My hands are typing faster than I can coherently think, but it’s not entirely a lie; he does seem like he needs a little bit of help getting things in order, and with having to train Melody and get her certified, he’s going to be juggling a lot of things. 

‘I believe that Mr. Kiszka-’

 I giggle to myself, fully able to hear him from the first day I walked in saying, ‘Mr. Kiszka is my father.’ 

 ‘-has the capabilities to succeed, but he is still fairly new at this and is just trying to get caught up. He also has a new hire that he will be getting certified, and I will be assisting him with that process to ensure everything goes smoothly.’

Charlotte, you’re still emotional. Maybe you should just hold off on sending this. What do you mean by ‘you will be assisting him’? He’s fine! The words are flowing out from my fingertips, and I’m choosing to ignore the voices in my head this time. Okay, wow.

‘That said, I’ll be located within 30 minutes of Portland. If there are any other businesses you’d like me to check on while I’m there, please let me know. Have a great weekend,  Charlotte Rhodes’

I hit send with no second thought. 

Okay, so that was a dumb choice. You were much more assertive than you usually are, and that isn’t going to fair well. You weren’t that bad, but not giving an option for working remotely was definitely a choice. 

Shutting my laptop abruptly and setting it back on the coffee table, my heart is racing. Never done that before. Typically, I’m not someone who acts on emotions, but for some reason, today is different.

Charlotte: I knew what you meant, lol. I feel much more educated on pirates now. 

Jacob:  oh i have so much more i could tell you 

Charlotte: Well, I’m done working so.. I have time. 

Staring at our texts, I don’t know what I’m doing. My hands timidly scroll up, rereading our conversation. Why do I feel nervous? Noting that he’s been nothing but nice and helpful, my phone gently vibrates and automatically scrolls to the bottom as he replies. 

Jacob: be careful what you wish for dear

Charlotte: I’m already on board, it’s too late. 

I sink into the couch again, wondering if this is a mistake. I did kind of make an irrational decision.. Mmm… feels silly now, doesn’t it? But immediately remembering that, I promised my best friend that I would live a little. ‘It’s just a job, babe,’ plays in my head, and she’s right. It is just a job, and I’m still going to do my job, but  from Portland. Where we can talk to this nice boy, who seems like he’s just happy to have someone to talk to. But you also need to not lose your job for a-

Jacob: I hope you already have your sea legs then

Jacob: there were a million pirates in that era so we have a lot to go over

The nerves are nowhere to be seen, swallowed by my quiet laughter as I read his texts. I can only imagine how excited he probably is to talk to someone about this who isn’t going to groan or fake sleep during it. I will gladly take any distraction I can get tonight. The nice voice in my brain is just telling me, maybe we could be friends. 

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Chapter Five

Chapter Seven

FDOG Masterpost | Masterlist | FDOG Playlist

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Merry Little Christmas (J.T.)

Look, it's me writing for someone other than Eddie!

TW: loss of a parent, all the feels.

(takes place in this universe)

Sad Kid check-in for those who are grieving this time of year. Take care of yourselves out there.

Jamie Tartt was many things. Footballer with a right foot blessed by god, a reformed prick, a beloved mama's boy.

He was also upfront and honest, so when you initially had told him your plans for the Christmas break, his response of "That's the saddest shit I've ever heard" hit hard.

The team was off until after the new year, so you had the time to return home. But holidays just weren't the same since your mom had passed away two years prior. So when Jamie asked what your holiday plans were, you said you would Facetime your friends and their kids, bake some cookies, get drunk on boozy eggnog, and cap the night off by watching Die Hard and eating Chinese food.

"No, there's no way I'm gonna let you stay here and have that be your Christmas."

"And how are you gonna stop me? You're going to be 200 miles away in Manchester?"

"Easy," he says as he flashes you a million-dollar smile. "Come with me."

You try to convince Jamie that there is nothing wrong with your plans, but Jamie is persistent. That's how, on December 23rd, you end up on a train with Jamie to return to his hometown. The train ride is quiet and less packed than you thought it would be. Jamie holds your hand the entire time, telling you everything he has planned for you.

Georgie and Simon meet you at the station, and when Georgie pulls you in and gives you a mother's hug, your heart physically aches. But you let her hold you, followed by Simon, before they usher the two of you into the car for the ride home.

Simon has a shepherd's pie waiting, and after you all stuff yourselves, Jamie takes you on a walk through his neighborhood. The streets are quiet as Jamie leads you by the hand to show you his old stomping grounds. When he kisses you under a streetlamp as the snow starts to fall, you think maybe this Christmas won't be that bad.

It's late Christmas Eve. Simon had made a fantastic dinner. All of you had worn colorful paper crowns and opened Christmas Crackers. You had beaten the pants off Jamie playing cards, and he had retaliated by trying to steal as many kisses from you as he could.

Now, it was almost 1am, and you are wide awake. You had quietly come down the stairs and taken a seat in front of the doors that opened onto Georgie's garden. The snow was falling again, and the world looked serene in the moonlight.

His heart breaks when Jamie sees you staring out the glass doors. He knew that things had been off with you, but he knew better than to push. Roy had told him to be patient, which was easier said than done. Jamie hated seeing you upset.

"If you're waiting for Santa, I'm afraid I have some news that might disappoint ya." You turned as Jamie approached you wearing a long-sleeved thermal and black boxer briefs.

"You should be in bed; it's late."

"Could say the same for you." he counters as he moves to sit on the floor behind you. He looks at you expectantly, and when he sees you give him a nod, he quickly wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you between his legs.

You sigh and let yourself relax into Jamie. There's a comfortable silence as the two of you watch the snowfall.

"I'm glad you came with me. And I know you've got something on your mind, but no pressure. Just tell me when you're ready, alright, love?"

Jamie softly runs his nose up and down the side of your neck as he holds you, and the tears that you've been trying to fight for days can't be held back any longer.

"Christmas Eve was my Mom's favorite, and it's the day I miss her most. We would talk and catch up, and I hate that she isn't here. I fucking hate it."

Jamie pulls you closer, hoping he can take some of the weight you're carrying. He's patient as he rocks you, moving to stand only when your crying has stopped.

"Come on," he says softly as he helps you to your feet. "There's my sweet girl."

"I'm all puffy and snotty." you quip as you wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your top.

"Still as beautiful as the first day I met ya."

"You're a liar, but you're sweet." His hands cup your face, and you let him pull you up for a kiss.

"Come on, I have an idea." You furrow your brow as you let Jamie lead you upstairs to the guest bedroom. His bed is simply not an option for two people, so he's joined you in the small guestroom Georgie and Simon had prepared.

"What are we doing?"

"You mentioned Die Hard in your original Christmas Eve plans," he says as he motions for you to climb into the bed. "So that's exactly what we're going to do."

"It's late. Are you sure?"

"I will consider it Christmas only when Hans has fallen off Nakatomi Plaza."

You curl into Jamie's side, and you are asleep before John kills his first terrorist. The snow outside starts to fall harder as Jamie watches you sleep. You lightly stir when he presses kisses into your hair.

"Merry Christmas, sweet girl."