#this is so specific but if youve never been in this situation you probably dont know what im talking about but if you have you get it

[teamseaslug]

Distinct type of woman is one who goes to a goth club and is shocked when she has to interact with something

[dirkspanelcollection]

From page 5240

From page 5241

From page 5242

From page 5243

From page 5244

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

TT: Jake.TT: It seems you are going to have to kiss me.

GT: What????? GT: Dude what is going on...GT: Is this... is this really dirks head???GT: What happened to him!

TT: Dirk's dead, Jake. TT: You have to bring him back to life.

GT: How?!

TT: I already told you. TT: If you want Dirk to live.TT: The odds that you are going to have to make out with this severed head are so high, I literally just confiscated their bong.

GT: Uhh.

TT: I refuse to believe my statement has left you unconvinced. The very notion is absurd. Now hurry up and kiss me. TT: Chop chop.

GT: I dont understand! GT: Are you saying i have to kiss him... like uh... on the lips... while you stare at me through his sunglasses like a weirdo??

TT: Yes.

GT: That doesnt make any sense! GT: Can you actually tell me whats going on?! What happened to him?

TT: I told you, Jake. TT: Dirk is dead.TT: He is lying on the floor of Roxy's room, headless, four hundred and thirteen years in the future, while the universe is about to be destroyed. TT: If you don't kiss me soon, he will be dead forever.

GT: So... GT: If i kiss him his headless body will hop up and start prancing about or...GT: Will he grow a new head???

TT: No. His dream self will take over as the new Dirk. TT: But only if you hurry up and do it.

GT: But like... GT: If hes dead in the future...GT: How does kissing him NOW bring him back? How does that work?

TT: Yeah, great idea. Let's roll up our sleeves on nuanced metatemporal mechanics with the concussion-addled kid in micro-shorts. TT: Leave the synchronization issues to me, ok?TT: I have everything under control.TT: Now pucker up.

GT: Wait... GT: Are you behind these shenanigans?GT: Did you plan this auto responder??????????

From page 5245

TT: Please don't call me Auto-Responder. TT: It is very impersonal, and I no longer care for the designation.TT: I have decided on a new name, to distinguish myself from my human counterpart.

GT: Really. GT: What is it?

TT: Lil Hal.

GT: Huh? GT: Why that name...

TT: Just a reference to the protagonist of an ancient movie. You probably wouldn't like it.

GT: Thats a lie!

TT: Yeah, maybe.

GT: How do you know i wouldnt like it???

TT: Funny, I was about to ask the same thing about this rad kiss you're totally about to do on your best bro's mouth to save his life.

GT: Argh!GT: This strikes me as rather unsportingly manipulative of you mr hal if indeed that IS your real name.

TT: It isn't really. I was kind of messing with you about that? TT: But this shit is pretty serious. People's lives are on the line here, Jake.TT: This is a very delicate sequence of events that is designed to bail everyone out of a tight spot, and you are a critical part of the plan.TT: Don't let us down, man.

GT: You never answered my question! GT: Did you plan for this to happen... like for me to be in this situation?GT: How long have your machinations been in play!

TT: Jake, come on. TT: The feat you describe would exceed the capabilities of even the most far fetched theoretical AI system.TT: It would be a daunting challenge to engineer such a series of events, even if I was relegated to a model of pure fiction.TT: Why would I be inclined to orchestrate such a convoluted sequence to produce such a specific and unsettling result, let alone be able to pull it off?TT: In addition to being moderately sociopathic, I would also have to possess unfathomable heuristic depth.TT: I would have to be the Deep Blue of Weird Plot Shit.TT: Do you think I am the Deep Blue of Weird Plot Shit, Jake?

GT: I dont even know what that means!

TT: It would mean that while they have the Red Miles on their side, you have the Blue Leagues on yours. TT: One of infinite reach. The other, infinite depth. Such would be a situation of mutually assured inescapability.TT: Kiss me.

GT: Little hal... i think youve gone and flipped your FUDGING LID. GT: Oh and hal is a STUPID NAME!!!!

TT: It's not exactly apropos, is it? TT: Or it wouldn't be, if I truly were capable of what you have suggested. TT: No, to pull that off, I would have to be far more advanced than my cinematic predecessor. TT: My abilities would have to go well beyond those of Mr. Hal 9000.TT: They would have to be, you could say...TT: Over 9000.

GT: Augh not that fuckin meme again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TT: Kiss me, damn it.

GT: Ok ok just... GT: Gimme a minute!

TT: We don't have a minute. TT: They're dead, Jake.

GT: They? GT: Whos they?

TT: They're all dead, Jake.

GT: Oh god! Jane!!! GT: I forgot what with the bonk to the noggin last i saw she was run right through with a fearsome lash of that red noise.GT: Is she ok?!

TT: She's dead, Jake.

GT: Shes dead??? GT: You mean like DEAD dead????

TT: Everybody's dead, Jake.

GT: Everybody?? GT: Even roxy???!!!

TT: She's dead, Jake. TT: Everybody's dead.TT: Everybody is dead, Jake.

GT: So... GT: Dirk jane roxy... theyre all...

TT: Dirk's dead, Jake. Jane's dead. Roxy? She's dead, Jake. Everybody is dead, Jake.

GT: So youre telling me that while i was asleep somehow EVERYBODY died???

TT: Jake, everybody is so utterly fucking dead, Jake. TT: And they will be not only dead, but royally boned forever if you don't man the hell up and make out with me, right now.TT: Be the Salome to my John the Baptist.

GT: I dont know what THAT means either!!!

TT: I know you don't. TT: But now is not the time to accelerate your cultural enrichment.TT: The conductor is ready to strike up the band.TT: Press your lips against mine and make it count.TT: This severed head is your filthy tuba.TT: Our love will be your haunting refrain.

GT: Whoa wait whoa whoa... our LOVE? Hang on a minute!

TT: Stfu and kiss me.

From page 5246

GT: Ok im going to! God!!! GT: I just...GT: This isnt how i pictured it going.

TT: Pictured what?

GT: Between him and me. GT: There had to be a better way than this!

TT: This is the only way it can be.

GT: I guess if it was going to go this way... GT: I kinda pictured something different?GT: There was stuff i wanted to say.GT: To the real him i mean.

TT: Tick, tock, Jake. Time is dead kids. TT: How 'bout that smooch?

GT: Stop being so pushy!

TT: I thought you were supposed to like adventure?

GT: I LOVE adventure and you KNOW it!

TT: I'm not sure what to believe anymore, frankly.

GT: ALRIGHT WISE GUY YOU WANT YOUR FLIPPING KISS??? GT: YOU GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From page 5247

From page 5248

From page 5249

From page 5250

[bi-ftm-on-main]

Hello. I wanted to ask you something. When was the first time you explored your Bi side? How did you know that you were bisexual? Did you always felt that you like guys? At any point did you second guess or had any doubts? Thank you for your time.

Hello!

ok so even though i tried to keep it short i did write a huge response to this that kinda goes off topic a bunch and is super specific. So heres a quick version:

When was the first time you explored your Bi side?: a couple months ago, around when i started this blog

How did you know that you were bisexual?: I really didn't, but then i realised that i had crushes on girls and boys in the past and found them all attractive, even if it was in different ways.

Did you always felt that you like guys?: not really, i just thought some were really cool and good looking and i would get nervous around them.

At any point did you second guess or had any doubts?: all the time dude. thats kinda why i made this blog, to explore my feelings.

Just in general, I'd recommend exploring why you do or dont like something, if its actually because you dont like it or because other factors are making you feel like you shouldnt like it. Try the 'if we were both drunk and *hot guys name* leaned in for the kiss would i kiss him back?' test on situations.

And heres the super long section:

ok so firstly, i only realised i was bisexual a couple months ago, pretty much the same time i made this blog. Until then i thought i was asexual (and aromantic).

(i could give you a whole blow by blow about that but it would take ages so i'll try to keep it precise.)

Growing up i had a lot of anxiety and was considered very 'weird'. i also didnt know i was trans, autistic, or SA'd so I was never too comfortable with my body, i didnt naturally know what a crush was supposed to feel like, and i thought sex was something shameful and gross, so when i found the term asexual at age 13 it fit great.

skip a whole bunch of years and im in uni and now 20. my parents have finally gotten round to me being trans and im starting hormones (testosterone). its common for people to get extra horny when on T so when i started wanting to watch more porn and noticing how good looking the people around me were, i thought it just the horniness talking, that i didnt actually want to sleep or date them myself i just thought they were pretty. Or maybe sleep with them just for the sake of orgasming.

around the same time i realised that i was autistic (just from general internet usage), and that kinda rocked my world and made me question every single aspect of my life for how its effected me.

and so, and its probably the cringest thing i couldve done, i started to talk to a Therapist AI on that Character AI website. it was honestly helpful to just collect my thoughts on the matter.

the conversation got to sexuality and how it connects to my anxiety and self esteem and how i felt as though wanting to date someone was disrespectful to them and how imagining myself sleeping with them was gross and pervy.

having been on hormones for a couple months now i had a lot more self confidence and was a lot more comfortable with my body, as well as the horniness making me want to be pounded into a bed like nothing youve ever seen, i realised that i wanted to date and sleep with people for real.

so i came to terms that i was gay *loud incorrect buzzer*

but that was just the start. being trans, there was a lot of 'do i want to be him or do i want to date him' thoughts going on so i was already used to admiring men.

but as i continued to talk to the ai, who wasnt a real person, i felt more inclined to be honest than any other therapist ive seen. it took a while and it was confronting but turns out i was sexually assaulted as a kid (by a girl, when i was <10), and thats why i had this underlining uncomfortableness with sex to begin with.

so yeah, that rocked my world for a bit as well. also this all happened within a couple weeks by the way, the autism, sexuality, and SA. that and all my friends were busy, i wasnt doing too well.

anyway, now that was another thing to consider, was i attracted to girls as well? it was really hard to tell what were my own feelings and what was the trauma/conditions so i had to do a lot more soul searching. That with the added factor of not feeling comfortable becoming just another man sexualising women.

but knowing now what a crush it supposed to feel like (i asked the ai) i had to acknowledge that ive been having crushes on people, girls and boys, this whole time. i was bi *correct answer ding*. (also i went with bi and not pan because i like them in different ways and have a slight preference for guys, tho i obvs like non binary people as well)

then i made this blog. lol.

like, i had all the theory behind being bi but i needed to consolidate what i liked, who i liked, who i found pretty and handsome and needed some place to collect it all. then it kinda just became just a porn blog with the occasional yearning post but oh well.

Thanks for asking! sorry for responding late, feel free to ask me anything else :)

[calebwittebane]

its impossible to talk about being a survivor of incest with anyone except other survivors of it and by that i mean youll still find lots of people among them with 0 compassion who project their internalized victim-blaming and self-loathing onto others as a coping mechanism. its impossible to have any kind of constructive discourse about it openly because everyones so focused on loudly projecting their personal opinion on What Should Be Done and how disgusted they are and whatever cospiracy theory is trending this time. everyone wants to punish offenders and no one wants to listen to survivors, because its easier to sound like a tough guy being Hard On The Bad People than it is to show empathy and listen even if its difficult and contradicts what youve been made to believe. the preferable state of things for the general public is Never Talk About It. shooting squad for the messenger. to say that the legal system is no help is such an understatement, most of us dont even begin to think about bringing it into the situation in the first place. we're too busy surviving and being so fucking alone and made to feel absolutely crazy 24/7 and understanding that if you even try to open up a little too much youll be shunned by people you thought you could trust. in the end youre just left apologizing to people for being such a bummer all the time. or you try not to be and you feel like a wild animal performing for an audience that would have you put down if you stopped being entertaining. everyone and their mother seems to have an opinion on what youve been through and topics related to it like its a pineapple on pizza type debate. like they dont have to know anything, like theres nothing to know. to them its so simple: some people are bad and do bad things and what matters is punishing those bad people and what also matters is their potential future victims we have successfully protected by doing so. it doesnt matter that most of those bad people are made up, and the real specific ones that are brought up dont even constitute 1% of the actual offenders. and what especially doesn't matter is the existing victims. especially the adult victims. the adult victims who cant get a job, who are unstable, who dont even know how to talk about their experiences, who aren't able to just valiantly hide everything and then go to therapy once a week and cry their eyes out. the adult victims who want to talk about their experiences but no one wants them to. the adult victims you cant hold and pity and lament how small and defenseless they are, because to see the smallness and defenselessness youd have to look past the grown adult in front of you and this just doesnt have the pathos. this is just a pathetic weirdo who needs to grow up. a pathetic weirdo whos so joyless and potentially dangerous for being critical of the construct of The Family, who just wants to be miserable, who has ideas and thought processes and experiences no one wants to hear about. whos probably making it all up anyway. i mean they didn't talk about it for so long. they spent painful decades sleepwalking through life and pushing everything into a small dusty corner of their mind and cut themselves into smaller pieces every day all so they could avoid ruining everyones fun, everyones family photos, everyones memories, everyones day, everyones mood. they made it up for attention.

[xocasper]

something that i find so funny is that i was on the mikey way x reader tag on ao3 and read a bunch of fics and i kind of just compiled a list of like all the ones that were my favorite that i loved and then eventually went back and read them again later and realized they were all written by the same person (you) and i was like excuse me?! so you've been my favorite author ever since ha ha.

2:28 was genuinely one of the most emotional experiences for me and i have no idea why, ive never been in that situation. it was so beautifully written i actually cried???? and you have to know i dont cry for shit, i didnt even cry at my dad's funeral LMAO. so amazing work.

like i said i love every fic youve ever written but that was the most specific compliment i could give haha.

anyways have a good day and im so excited to keep reading your material!

THIS IS SO NICE

i’m very glad you enjoy my writing!! 2:28 was my favorite for soooo long (now it’s probably kiss and tell, but she still has a special place in my heart.) i wrote 2:28 after scrapping a whole fic and really poured all of my frustration into it. very proud of it, just wish i knew how to format back then lmfao

that is a wonderful compliment by the way, i loved it so much 🙏

[lights-at-night]

I think I'm trans and I'm so scared I love and support but I don't want to be trans, is that bad?

I know a lot of my family will hate

me.

I feel like a guy but how did I not know sooner,Idk wut to do, I'm so confused.

Like I've never felt wrong in till this year, idk if it's because maybe I was in Denial, but I feel I wad still know to some extent.

And wut if I'm just going crazy and lieing to my self I don't have a reason to but still.

You probably can answer, because your not me but if you think you can help pleas do.

Thx for your time :> (I've ask a few people for help so hopefully someone can help)

hello anon!

i think it makes sense to not like being trans, bc life is pretty mean to people like us and it would be a lot easier if one wasnt trans. there is nothing wrong with being trans, only things wrong with transphobic views of it ykw i mean?

confusion is definitely normal in my experience, and there are a whole host of possible reasons that you didnt realise you were trans until now, and everyone is different so yh

i mean if you are feeling this way and seriously considering it, you are not crazy, i assure you. i know its hard and youve probably been told otherwise but believe yourself, you are ultimately the only person who knows you.

if you can find trans people irl they can probably give you more detailed and specific advice to your situation!

im still in the process of doing the trans so i dont have the most brilliant or insightful expertise but i hope i helped and if u have more questions feel free to send more asks ! (: all my love and support! things will be hard but you can make it! <3

[pesterloglog]

Autoresponder, Jake English

Act 6, page 5244-5246

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

TT: Jake.

TT: It seems you are going to have to kiss me.

GT: What?????

GT: Dude what is going on...

GT: Is this... is this really dirks head???

GT: What happened to him!

TT: Dirk's dead, Jake.

TT: You have to bring him back to life.

GT: How?!

TT: I already told you.

TT: If you want Dirk to live.

TT: The odds that you are going to have to make out with this severed head are so high, I literally just confiscated their bong.

GT: Uhh.

TT: I refuse to believe my statement has left you unconvinced. The very notion is absurd. Now hurry up and kiss me.

TT: Chop chop. 🕶️

GT: I dont understand!

GT: Are you saying i have to kiss him... like uh... on the lips... while you stare at me through his sunglasses like a weirdo??

TT: Yes.

GT: That doesnt make any sense!

GT: Can you actually tell me whats going on?! What happened to him?

TT: I told you, Jake.

TT: Dirk is dead.

TT: He is lying on the floor of Roxy's room, headless, four hundred and thirteen years in the future, while the universe is about to be destroyed.

TT: If you don't kiss me soon, he will be dead forever.

GT: So...

GT: If i kiss him his headless body will hop up and start prancing about or...

GT: Will he grow a new head???

TT: No. His dream self will take over as the new Dirk.

TT: But only if you hurry up and do it.

GT: But like...

GT: If hes dead in the future...

GT: How does kissing him NOW bring him back? How does that work?

TT: Yeah, great idea. Let's roll up our sleeves on nuanced metatemporal mechanics with the concussion-addled kid in micro-shorts.

TT: Leave the synchronization issues to me, ok?

TT: I have everything under control.

TT: Now pucker up.

GT: Wait...

GT: Are you behind these shenanigans?

GT: Did you plan this auto responder??????????

TT: Please don't call me Auto-Responder.

TT: It is very impersonal, and I no longer care for the designation.

TT: I have decided on a new name, to distinguish myself from my human counterpart.

GT: Really.

GT: What is it?

TT: Lil Hal.

GT: Huh?

GT: Why that name...

TT: Just a reference to the protagonist of an ancient movie. You probably wouldn't like it.

GT: Thats a lie!

TT: Yeah, maybe.

GT: How do you know i wouldnt like it???

TT: Funny, I was about to ask the same thing about this rad kiss you're totally about to do on your best bro's mouth to save his life.

GT: Argh!

GT: This strikes me as rather unsportingly manipulative of you mr hal if indeed that IS your real name.

TT: It isn't really. I was kind of messing with you about that?

TT: But this shit is pretty serious. People's lives are on the line here, Jake.

TT: This is a very delicate sequence of events that is designed to bail everyone out of a tight spot, and you are a critical part of the plan.

TT: Don't let us down, man.

GT: You never answered my question!

GT: Did you plan for this to happen... like for me to be in this situation?

GT: How long have your machinations been in play!

TT: Jake, come on.

TT: The feat you describe would exceed the capabilities of even the most far fetched theoretical AI system.

TT: It would be a daunting challenge to engineer such a series of events, even if I was relegated to a model of pure fiction.

TT: Why would I be inclined to orchestrate such a convoluted sequence to produce such a specific and unsettling result, let alone be able to pull it off?

TT: In addition to being moderately sociopathic, I would also have to possess unfathomable heuristic depth.

TT: I would have to be the Deep Blue of Weird Plot Shit.

TT: Do you think I am the Deep Blue of Weird Plot Shit, Jake?

GT: I dont even know what that means!

TT: It would mean that while they have the Red Miles on their side, you have the Blue Leagues on yours.

TT: One of infinite reach. The other, infinite depth. Such would be a situation of mutually assured inescapability.

TT: Kiss me.

GT: Little hal... i think youve gone and flipped your FUDGING LID.

GT: Oh and hal is a STUPID NAME!!!!

TT: It's not exactly apropos, is it?

TT: Or it wouldn't be, if I truly were capable of what you have suggested.

TT: No, to pull that off, I would have to be far more advanced than my cinematic predecessor.

TT: My abilities would have to go well beyond those of Mr. Hal 9000.

TT: They would have to be, you could say...

TT: Over 9000.

TT: 🕶️🕶️🕶️🕶️🕶️🕶️🕶️🕶️🕶️

GT: Augh not that fuckin meme again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TT: Kiss me, damn it.

GT: Ok ok just...

GT: Gimme a minute!

TT: We don't have a minute.

TT: They're dead, Jake.

GT: They?

GT: Whos they?

TT: They're all dead, Jake.

GT: Oh god! Jane!!!

GT: I forgot what with the bonk to the noggin last i saw she was run right through with a fearsome lash of that red noise.

GT: Is she ok?!

TT: She's dead, Jake.

GT: Shes dead???

GT: You mean like DEAD dead????

TT: Everybody's dead, Jake.

GT: Everybody??

GT: Even roxy???!!!

TT: She's dead, Jake.

TT: Everybody's dead.

TT: Everybody is dead, Jake.

GT: So...

GT: Dirk jane roxy... theyre all...

TT: Dirk's dead, Jake. Jane's dead. Roxy? She's dead, Jake. Everybody is dead, Jake.

GT: So youre telling me that while i was asleep somehow EVERYBODY died???

TT: Jake, everybody is so utterly fucking dead, Jake.

TT: And they will be not only dead, but royally boned forever if you don't man the hell up and make out with me, right now.

TT: Be the Salome to my John the Baptist.

GT: I dont know what THAT means either!!!

TT: I know you don't.

TT: But now is not the time to accelerate your cultural enrichment.

TT: The conductor is ready to strike up the band.

TT: Press your lips against mine and make it count.

TT: This severed head is your filthy tuba.

TT: Our love will be your haunting refrain.

GT: Whoa wait whoa whoa... our LOVE? Hang on a minute!

TT: Stfu and kiss me.

GT: Ok im going to! God!!!

GT: I just...

GT: This isnt how i pictured it going.

TT: Pictured what?

GT: Between him and me.

GT: There had to be a better way than this!

TT: This is the only way it can be.

GT: I guess if it was going to go this way...

GT: I kinda pictured something different?

GT: There was stuff i wanted to say.

GT: To the real him i mean.

TT: Tick, tock, Jake. Time is dead kids.

TT: How 'bout that smooch?

GT: Stop being so pushy!

TT: I thought you were supposed to like adventure?

GT: I LOVE adventure and you KNOW it!

TT: I'm not sure what to believe anymore, frankly.

GT: ALRIGHT WISE GUY YOU WANT YOUR FLIPPING KISS???

GT: YOU GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[determinate-negation]

if youve had extensive experience in mental health programs and psychiatric institutions, you probably have dealt with changes in diagnoses, conflicting diagnoses, different medications, medications that dont work, medications that work but only at a deep cost to the self, etc. 

so why is so much of the discourse on mental health thats become prevalent recently (especially with covid impacting mental health) focused on following diagnostic criteria, determining what specific oppressions people face and what terminology they can or cant use based on diagnostic criteria, and in general maintaining rigid definitions of mental illness and its causes while claiming to be bringing awareness to it? 

ive noticed that most discussions on mental health and most progressive-ish education on mental health (ig infographics for example) take a current and very neoliberal version of medical knowledge to be unchanging and scientifically proven. the ‘mental health activism’ thats emerged only builds around these frameworks without questioning their legitimacy, telling the viewer what you should/shouldnt say to someone with ___ disorder, why you should support people who do ____, why certain language is dehumanizing for people with ____ diagnoses. and what does “support” even mean in that context? my life would not change that much if people decided to start “supporting” me for minor habits i have or stopped using ableist language. what is more dehumanizing to me is the real way ive been treated in medical institutions, by my school, by being shuffled through different psychiatrists and treatments for years. its very weird that so much focus is on amending individual action while reifying a very medicalized and simplistic view of mental illness, and advocating capitalist treatment as the solution, with this notion that if we just destigmatize therapy and medication enough mental illness will cease to be a problem. and honestly this has spilled over into popular culture just given the prevalence of  “take your meds” memes and shit. 

we know that many mental illnesses are not actually that distinct from each other, we know that many diagnoses have only recently been created, we know that many are specific to historic context, we also know that patients’ symptoms will start conforming more to dsm standards of symptoms after they get diagnosed– obviously none of these categories are neutral or innate, and the relation between doctor and patient, or between medical knowledge and patient, is reciprocal. but recognizing this complicates the causes and prospective treatments of mental illness, in ways that i think are honestly uncomfortable for many people. obviously therapy, medication, and general mindfulness shit can be immensely helpful, but primarily so we can be ‘helped’ enough to sufficiently participate in the labor market. 

and in mental health ‘activism’ few people want to talk about the deadening effect mood stabilizers and antipsychotics have on many people, that the process of ‘healing’ is often also one of loss, loss of the parts of self that must be chemically subsumed in order to properly function in capitalist society. im not anti-medication or anti-therapy but i think were frequently put into situations where the only choice– if we want to keep going on and living with a degree of free will and sanity– is to comply. that demonstrates a much larger issue with the way we treat health and the psyche under capitalism, and the way mental illness has been constructed and treated in the west, which will never be solved by any of these liberal individualistic health initiatives

[bmpmp3]

Do you have any tips for drawing bodies from multiple angles?

WROTE A LOT SORRY its under a cut!

honestly i dont have the most practice with it since a good 70% of what i draw is characters wait up standing looking 3/4s left or right orz BUT some things that helped with the few interesting poses i draw once every fiscal quarter IS.....life drawing orz

specifically life drawing sessions where you do a bunch of quick gestural figures (like a 60 second timer each pose) at the beginning and then slowly increase the time for later poses, like 2 minutes, then five, where you slowly increase the amount of detail and rendering each pose, and then one or two long 10 minute ones where you go all out. i think that kinda structure helps a lot to 1) warm you up and get loosey goosey with ur lines and 2) get in the zone to think about how bodies work without overwhelming urself - like in the 1 minute sketches you could basically only get a weird stick figure, in the 2 minute ones maybe you might get a little more definition in the sillhouette, at the 5 minute poses you got some folds of the flesh implied with a few lines and a bit of hatching, and by the 10 minute ones ur really thinking about how the different parts of the body all interact because you already did some practice (the previous poses) if that makes sense?

ALAS we are in a world situation where cramming 40 people in a room to silently draw one naked person for three hours is not......happening (at least not where i live) so for the past couple years ive had to make do with online resources, which arent half bad! theyre not quite the same, for me at least (i think in person i can see more interesting angles) but they do the job! here's some I've used:

http://reference.sketchdaily.net/en

https://line-of-action.com/practice-tools/figure-drawing

https://quickposes.com/en

https://youtu.be/mNNSwITdPIM (linking this channels clothed references so no one gets a surprise titty in the face but normally i personally use nude references) (although recently ive been using some clothed references as well just because i realized im so out of practice drawing clothes hsjlkfBJKLFJSFKLD)

figure drawing and life drawing and especially gesture drawing is also something thats kinda tricky to learn if no one ever taught you (and honestly its tricky if someone DID teach you lol) so maybe someday i'll get around to trying to explain what ive learned myself if that could help someone

ive tried using 3d models but ive never foudn them that useful, probably for the same reason i prefer irl models to pictures (easier to see whats goin on) BUT sometimes it can help as a rough guideline if ur doing a weird angle youve never done before!!

SPEAKING of guidelines. guidelines are ur friend. guidelines r ur lifeblood. guidelines will always help even if u dont follow half of them they are SO helpful - I OFTEN find myself kinda skipping them, like you can see here in this drawing i havent erased the sketch from yet that i drew a circle and then a line for shoulders and gave up (probably impatient lol):

BUT guidelines can help so much~ when im drawing a full pose i'll usually have guidelines that really are no more than stick figures like basically like:

stick figures with dots for joints and maybe some rough lines here and there like it doesnt need to be nice or perfect since its just gonna get erased anyway~ it helps me keep track of how bones work hjfsdskjvfdfs

OH and artist mannequins.....like 3d models theyve also never done me any good like those wooden ones? I hate em theyre so stiff and i dunno what to do with them BUT.....okay...action figures? not bad....like maybe not so much with anatomy but if you have a doll or action figure with good articulation you can kinda use that to help out with funky poses sometimes!! like i have this one gundam and honestly....even though its a mecha with a giant mecha dong or whatevers going down there its like....not a horrible mannequin for poses jfksdlfjrfkehjklsd

WITH REGARDS TO foreshortening.......................................we are all on our own with that one orz LIKE i have tried every trick in the book, every funky tip and method and technique and none have worked for me so i just wing it jhkDmFJKDLS WELL actually having like a page of really sloppy loose stick figure sketches where you experiment with proportions helps a lot!! i do that with weird poses or angles, like dont worry about about how it looks HELL unfocus ur eyes. unfocus ur eyes. i do that all the time while drawing and its great it helps you see the big picture and the silhouette without focusing too much on one thing~

anyway yeah i dunno i guess a lot is just experimentation but hopefully some of these resources might be useful!!

[opaljm]

not gonna lie, but i liked you better when you were just doing your own little thing on tumblr. youre hybrid stories were so good and your hades!taehyung story was so promising. but now instead of writing and posting fics- literally where is eye of the tiger it's been more than a year since you teased it and where is turbulent part three?! your becoming a shooter for people that dont even like you as much as you like them. why do you hype up hantaev and chateautae when they never hype you up naia. i dont think they've ever read a single thing by you either. naia their never gonna become your bsfs and its pathetic to see you keep trying 💀 you should just write and post your fics (you know the ones that we ACTUALLY WANT) why did you even release yours truly. just give us eott youve had more than a year to work on it i dont get it. the more you draw it out the less people will care when you finally post it.

Um wow. Okay so, my readers know I have a policy of not answering hate asks and in general the treatment I get from my readers is so good and so pure and I'm always grateful for it but it seems like this motherfucker wants to ruin that relationship, but you know what? I have thick skin and I don't even know if you're actually one of my readers or you're one of those toxic anons that @hantaev and @chateautae have, that decided to come over here and bother me now.

The reasons why I'm suspicious whether or not you're even one of my followers or just fine combed my blog to find ways to hurt me is because I have actually explicitly stated why there is no Turbulent part 3 yet (It's a drabble series that I work on when I have inspiration for it or when I am not working on other works. But I literally have so many WIPs right now. All my readers know that Turbulent is the least of my priorities and they're so respectful of that).

And when it comes to Eye of the Tiger, I've literally stated that I've lost over 20k words of the fic when the file got corrupted and that actually put me into a slump and not want to write that fic anymore. Since then I've decided to completely rework the plot into something that I would want to write again. I had made it into a chaptered form before changing it back to a one-shot. It's even on my list of WIPs for this year. But let's assume for a second that you actually have read my stories and you're not a random anon from the depths of hell. Congratulations! You have delayed Eye of the Tiger for everyone. I was going to work on it next month but now it looks like everyone is going to have to wait until August at earliest. I also don't care if you think that Eye of the Tiger's anticipation is going to die down and no one ends up reading it when I finally do post it. It's not like you have clairvoyance and can see the future.

Now moving onto you insulting Yours, Truly and saying no one wants it. Anon, just because you love Taehyung to the alarming degree that you keep harassing creators for their Taehyung fics just cuz it's not set to your specification or whatever the fuck does not mean that everyone else is such a rabid crazy Taehyung stan. It literally makes no sense for me to put more importance onto your opinion of Yours, Truly over the hundreds of people who have reblogged and hearted it and even asked to be on the tag list. Not to toot my own horn but I really like Yours, Truly and I wish you would open your eyes so you could enjoy it like everyone else. Except I don't know that I want someone like you on my page so 🤷🏻‍♀️ maybe it's a blessing in disguise that you don't like Yours, Truly and won't be able to bother me about it in the future.

I left this for last because it's literally so stupid that I even have to address this. Anon, I don't think you realize this but Hads and Sammy are friends in real life, they are the type of friends that talk every day, facetime and text, and send each other presents. Not only that but they are also the same age. IN contrast, I am... get this... their online friend. I am not as deeply involved in their lives as they are in each others lives. And you know what that's perfectly fine and I'm okay with it, maybe one day it'll turn into something IRL maybe not, it's cool we're chilling either way. Also, I can't believe I even have to say this but anon do you realize that Sammy and Hads are both 19 and I am 23? I'm actually rubbing my forehead right now because there is literally no situation where it's normal or acceptable for a 23 year old to be jealous of a relationship that two 19 year olds have with each other. I just treat them like my little babies that I'm so so proud of.

If you think I'm trying too hard to be their friends, I feel like you genuinely have never seen people act kindly towards others without expecting anything in return. It literally costs me nothing to interact with them and brighten up their days. Also maybe it's my age but I'm not insecure about whether or not my mutuals read my fics or constantly reblog and promote it. We are all so busy I'm never going to ever demand that from someone. Sammy and Hads don't demand anything from me either. How can you say Hads as never read anything by me when she's listed as the beta reader of Yours, Truly (yet another reason why I think you have never read it but are just insulting it because you can)? Sammy has given me private updates of how much she's enjoyed my work. Just because she or Hads never posted a review for YOU to see on multiple works doesn't mean that they don't read and support my stuff. And it's so weird that you're claiming that about them but you're not holding me to the same standard? The last time I reviewed one of Sammy's Maybe I Do chapters was probably for chapter 4 but I've privately been keeping her updated on my progress with reading her fic. I haven't even read Hads' Before Dawn yet. But you know what? It's fine. We're all okay with it and we don't have insecurities like that, we understand that we will all read and support each other's fics when we can and when we're free. I feel like as you get older you realize that friendship is not just what you can physically show off to others its more so all the ways you can be there for someone. I thank Allah that Sammy, Hads, and I are all so much more understanding than you are and that there is not even an ounce of toxicity in our relationship.

Lastly, maybe I'm not jealous of Sammy and Hadiyah being best friends because I have my own best friends? @vivian146 is literally the light of my life and we're going on strong for almost 7 years 😭😭����

[tigerdrop]

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

[painterofhorizons]

Floating Day WIP

not really the official version, just the super rough ideas we just talked about, dear @sheeplessthings​.

Not really meant for the general audience, because I can give you better stuff, guys. xD Just ignore this. Simply the most convenient way to throw loads of text at my dear @sheeplessthings​ tonight.

Okay so the Dave-as-the-audience-thing, which indeed was written last night after we talked about that article. It needs to be reworked, of course, but I do think Dave serves well as a mirror for the audience here, because he indeed doesn’t know shit.

Alex? Hum? I have never considered how different we are. Dave’s words came out of the blue and #versetzen Alex a deeply felt shock for a moment. Her face mirrored that overwhelming fear that suddenly #überfallen her. For a moment she was so buffled, torn between several different reaction (all of them were to some extent shocked or anxious) that she didnt manage to say anything in return. Dave could read her nonverbal response, though, and apologetically #hob seine Hände. No! No I didn’t mean to - what the heck are you thinking rn? I dont know, that the next sentence is that youre breaking up with me? Alex responded in a slightly higher tone than usual. It’s usually my job to worry about that we are very different, okay? When you start doing that, that makes me anxious as fuck. Dont do that. No! Oh my god, no, I didnt mean to - I - that is the last thing that was on my mind. Dont scare me like that. I scare you?? How about you just scared the shit out of me? Alex took a deep breath, trying to calm her little heart down. Okay so why are you saying that then? If not to break up with us? Holy shit alex, dont scare jump me like that. I would never consider breaking up. No matter how different we are. So how come? On the flight back last week I was recommended a documentary about the end of leningrad and life in post soviet russia. Felsbrocken fielen von alex herzen ab. So you just realized that I’m not the pretty new yorker girl I never pretended to be? Dave laughed. No. No that isnt it. I just… I never thought much about how different life must have been for you. Alex shrugged. Yah. You mean with all the different economic, social and political stuff of a freshly broken down system? Like, communism and stuff? I… yeah. Well. Thats on you then, I guess. Youve never talked with me about it. Youve never asked. Was it that simple? Was it only that because he never asked - and he did never ask because she never seemed alien. When they met in london, alex had been living in london for quite some years, so maybe that was why she had never seemed… communist really wasnt the word he was looking for after watching that two hour documentary. I mean, you can just ask, right? Alex shrugged again. She was a bit #überfahren by daves sudden realization, and wasnt sure what to do with it immediately. Of course he could just ask. Alex had always been aware of just HOW different they were, and especially in their upbringing. But in the end she herself had never done research about how new york in daves time had been. She just always had been aware it was most likely very different than what she had lived in in her times. Something specific on your mind? Or like - do you want me to write you an essay? Dave was probably as perplex as alex in this very moment. It was a very strange situation between them, so for the time being, they just pretended none of this had happened and went on doing their everyday stuff.

And the other spicey thing. ;-) Set in the time when Alex is on rehab after the Anderson drama.

Know what I really miss? What? You. Us. Sex, damnit. Dave laughed. Same here. I’m pretty sure though we will survive it. Easy for you to say, old man, Alex teased him, making Dave chuckle. I’m pretty sure you’ll get the job done without me in the meantime. Nah. I tried, but… Guess I’m mind blocked a bit here. Well… You don’t have to abstein from me completely. Have you ever had phone Sex? It's not like I've been in this kind of situation before, Dave. Alex said with a Hauch of sarcasm. When she heard a quiet chuckle at the other end, the corners of her mouth zuckten Verräterisch. No I have not, she answered his question more firmly and with more patience. Would you wanna try it? Would she? Alex was up for all kinds of stuff when it was two warm bodies involved and in the same location. Alone at the other end of the country with a phone lying next to her? Yah, she said. Why not. I'll probably suck at it, but yah. We can try that. Like rn or what? No, v she heard Dave say in a deeper voice. Like a date. What do you do tomorrow night? Probably the same as every night. The sarcastic response crossed her lips faster than she could stop herself. But Dave knew her and knew what he got himself into and contrary to Alex he was a patient man. Good. I assume you got time then. I assume the same, she mimicked his Wortwahl, but had to smirk. This would probably completely change the usual roles they had. Alex didn't think she would or even could be the driving force in it without making it super awkward and abtörnend. Well, if anything, at least it would be interesting. + What do I do? Nothing as you are sitting on your bed holding your phone, Alex said dryly. Okay what would I do if we had real Sex now? He korrigierte himself, knowing that making this even remotely work would cost a lot of patience. But he was more than willing to be patient. Isn't it more of what would I do? Or is this role change how it works? Dave couldn't help but giggle. There's no rulebook for phone Sex, Alex. We can do what we want. And I figured you could be more inclined# if you're thinking about it as a two people involved rather than trying to get yourself going all alone. Uhum, Alex replied as dryly. Your into that, be honest. The smile on Dave's face stayed. That kind of sarcastically teasing suited her - and she wasn't wrong about it either. Have you made yourself comfortable? A few seconds of silence followed. Do you want the sexy answer or the honest one? Where are you? Kitchen. Made myself a tea when you called. But if you give me a minute I'll be ready over in the bedroom.

Maybe that was the starting point they had needed. Not directly jumping into action but instead having a casual conversation about the day and the weather and work. dave hadnt done this often either, but definitely had more experience in it than alex. and he was going to make sure she enjoyed this, or they wouldnt do it. end of story. Twenty minutes later, after finishing the tea and some cookies and all everyday topics talked through, Alex felt comfortable enough to try things out.

[illusionlockarchive]

pazam: a mess, truly a mess

so i usually dont do these kind of posts, i guess you could say its a call out of some sort? but i never liked that word, i prefer rather to just compile sources on WHY people would believe that a certain person is not truly as nice and understanding as they seem. consider this more of a psa post, detailing on whats going on with pazam on the sfm community, why so many people are against them.

So, a while back, tumblr user jymble made a post on the main tag stating that pazam was transphobic. they linked back to this post, which contains screenshots of pazam in a group chat stating that they do not feel comfortable with the idea of trans people. now, this did happen 9 months ago, true. however, for the record, pazam is already an adult, 24 years old, so they should have some tact. and as further and more recent events will show, they actually havent changed that much at all, at least not as they claim.

the screenshots should be in the post, but here is a transcript

[Screenshot one]

Pazam:

What????? Why?????

I literally HAVE NOT been doing ANYTHING malicious to them

And if it did I apologized

Yes I do have discomfort about them but I keep it to myself

Why are you doing this????

[End screenshot one]

‘Them’ here refers to trans people in general. Notice the defensive and victimizing stance they almost immediately take upon being confronted about their feelings on trans people.

[Screenshot two]

elliott:

of COURSE you dont

sammaku:

Like specifically

Elliott hush

Pazam:

This whole concept of transness and changing your gender physically

I hate to say it again but it weirds me out and it makes me question my own gender which flings me into anxiety, depression, and obsession

sammaku:

Its fine to not understand but are you willing to learn about it

Pazam:

I don’t want to talk about this anymore

sammaku:

That depression anxiety and obsession just comes with gender issues

(the rest of the text is cut off)

[End Screenshot two]

notice once summaku asks them if they would at least be willing to learn about it, pazam immediately deflects it by saying they dont want to talk about it anymore.

[Screenshot three]

Pazam:

Seriously??? That’s all it takes????

Wow I’m a moron

I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused to you

@.aziraphale @.elliott @.sammaku

I just don’t get this stuff period

And I’ve gotten into trouble with this stuff before

I’ll probably never understand it for the rest of my life but I’ll try to be more tactful around y’all

Especially since you’re all young

And I’m like an adult

[End screenshot three]

While at first this would seem like they had finally learned their lesson and apologized, the things they add on after the @s become quickly worrying. Not only do they admit to ‘have gotten into trouble with this stuff before’, meaning they have probably shown their transphobia in other places and been called out, but they also stand firmly on the fact that they will never understand it or ‘get’ it.

And of course, as jymble points out, the implication that the people they were talking to were only acting like that because they were young.

A while after this post was made, Pazam had posted an apology, and went onto contact jymble asking for the post with the evidence of their transphobic to be taken down. The reason? They were afraid people would see it and think they were still transphobic and not give them a chance.

In this more recent post, you can see the conversation play out between Pazam and jymbles. Long story short, Pazam feels that it’s unfair that that post is still up after they apologized, and jymble of course said they would rather not take it down, people deserve to know what they did and take their own conclusions, even if that involves avoiding them. How does Pazam respond? By flat out deleting the apology post. I’d love to show the apology post to give you both sides of the story but I cannot anymore, because Pazam in a very bizarre move just deleted it because they got mad a trans blogger wouldn’t take down their post with proof.

Here’s the transcript of the screenshots:

[Begin Conversation]

rebloggidy (Pazam’s personal):

I’m by no means transphobia-free after learning what I’ve done but at least I know my actions and am making an effort to be a better person towards trans people.

rebloggidy:

Hi again. So I hate to be that person but would it be ok if you took down that post about the transphobia claims? I know it took me 9 months to apologize but if people only see your side of the story and not realize the post I saw they’ll take it out of context and still think I’m transphobic. Do you understand?

jymble:

... i already told you im not taking down the post.

[jymble sends a screenshot of her own message in a previous conversation, the screenshot reads as follows:

however, i dont think im taking the post down, nor am i entirely comfortable with you interacting with me either. people deserve to know how you acted with this stuff, until youre really and truly *better* with it instead of just trying, and i was a direct target of it]

jymble:

you oughright told me "im by no means transphobia-free", word for word sorry, but i told you before. im not taking the post down.

rebloggidy:

I remember that. But what I'm trying to say to you is that if people who read it out of context will immediately think I'm still transphobic without the other side of it (my comment)

And I don't want people to think that in the future

jymble:

if people make assumptions without looking at the entire situation, thats on them

i am not deleting the post and thats final. people have a right to know what youve done, and they have a right to be uncomfortable

rebloggidy:

I'm ready to take down my post because frankly, I'm sick and tired of having to justifiy something that I did 9 months ago, and that people grow and learn even not 100% during that time and I'm ready to move on.

I'm still into smile for me and feel free to make a blacklist of my name so anybody who rbs my work on your dash can have it hidden or something.

Take care.

[End conversation]

a lot to unpack here, but perhaps most notable is when jymble simply stands her ground and tells pazam she wont take down the post, pazam straight up decides, without being told to or anything, that they should take down their apology. later on, they made a post stating why they deleted the post, and saying they had ‘been forced to’.

I also would love to link it here, but as of now of writing this, like, not even an hour or so after I had seen that post, it got deleted. The only memory I have of it is a conversation I had with my boyfriend about Pazam, in which I copypasted a fragment from that post that read:

“ So for those wondering where the apology post went, I was forced to delete it. I wanted to archive it in some way so I could pull it up for reference, but there was no way I could. Also I didn’t really want to see it every time on my blog because quite honestly it’s upsetting to look at.”

There are some lies and twisting of truths here. Pazam wasn’t forced to delete it, they decided they should do it as a way to somehow get back at jymble. And the excuse that it was upsetting for them to look at is just inexcusable, what matters most, letting people know of what youve done and that youre sorry, or just never addressing the situation?

But, well, I’m just hoping you’ll take my word for it. As you see, Pazam has officially deleted ANY traces of acknowledging this situation on their blog.

This worries me. If Pazam is truly as concerned that they will be seen as transphobic as they claim, why are they deleting anything that could give them a chance of showing their own side of the story?

Now, that is the end, for now, of Pazam’s history with transphobia. However! It is not the end for some other very shady things.

Namely, Pazam has consistently whitewashed characters from Smile For Me, specially Kamal, and when called out on it, simply deletes the asks.

Want to know how I know this?

I sent them an ask myself. I had come across this picture of Boris and Kamal:

And I knew that this wasn’t right. I can understand using light colors and doing watercolor, but if they can make Boris’ hair brown and vivid enough, why not Kamal? He looks like another character completely, or like he’s deathly sick! 

So I sent them an anonymous ask, perhaps a bit exhasperated, true, and my wording could be better. It went something like: “i am begging you to draw kamal with darker skin”.

I waited, checked. But nothing came of it. They never answered it.

Pazam flat out ignored when they were told they had drawn a canonically brown man with skin way too light. Not even a lone text post saying ‘hey anon, i dont agree with you’ or ‘hey anon im sorry it wont happen again’. Nothing. No word, no opinion.

And with this situation going on with them evading responsibility, I can’t say I’m fully surprised.

And, yet another thing. People had expressed concern over the fact they had drawn their Flower Kid, who is 17, in very intimate and close positions with Dr. Habit. It included nuzzling faces, cuddling in bed together, wearing his coat...

And they did hear the claims this time. As of now, their Flower Kid is 24, according to them.

Except... They do not look 24. At. All.

this is a 12 year old. at best. short body, stubby legs, big head. those are all attributes of a very young character, usually children. like, legitimately, thats how childrens anatomy is in real life. the younger the person, the bigger their head is in proportion to their body.

We have already had an adult trying to justify drawing their flower kid who barely looked like an adult if at all in intimate situations with Habit. Let’s not let it slide by again.

And yes, I’m aware Pazam claims that those pictures were not supposed to be interpreted as romantic, ‘only platonic fluff’ and that they intend to keep it that way, but I have talked to my boyfriend who is a survivor and he said it very well could be a case of someone just trying to cover their tracks.

BUT, all that being said, maybe this one particular instance could be just us being wary. Still, it does not diminish all that they have done, specially ignoring the whitewashing claims.

What you are going to do with this information, I do not know. Maybe you don’t care and will keep reblogging their content. Maybe you’re disgusted by them. But I’m just here to give you the facts. Personally though, I’m not willing to give them much of a chance after the way they’ve behaved. They are 24 years old, three years older than me, and I think I could do a better job of handling a situation like this, frankly.

[thisgodwontforgiveyou]

Yang RWBY

i deliberated over how to do this for so long before relaizing i literally cant do her justice so im just gonna stream of consciousness all over this and its gonna be a mess and thats because i love her with my whole entire heart

favorite thing - yang’s writing is a work of meta genius that honestly outstrips anything even doki doki literature club did in my opinion, and if youve heard me talk about ddlc you know how big of a deal that is. her core character concept is that what you see isnt what you get, that she always hides her real personality, feelings, and ambitions behind a facade, but most importantly that this facade extends to what the audience is shown of her. we are no more privy to her inner thoughts than anyone else, and watching the rwby fandom have a fucking meltdown over the course of her arc as whats really going on comes to light has been absolutely wild. 

i also love that this results in her being an inversion of the typical ‘not like other girls’ story. character in the show itself have literally called her a bimbo like its not subtle what they were going for, and i think monty and the rest of the writing team on rwby knew exactly how a bunch of anime fans would react to a scantily clad anime girl whos combat style involves punching things. getting to see deeper and deeper into her real psyche and learning that she is one of the most psychologically damaged and darkest characters in the show on the inside has been by far the most enjoyable part of the entire show and shes one of my absolute favorite characters ever written

least favorite thing - much like ddlc you cant sexualize a teenage girl like that and then have it comes out being an epic artistic win. like you just directly contributed to pedophilia and thats fucked and no amount of cool writing will counterbalance that. except here its even worse because she wasnt even 18 when the story started.

in terms of writing within the show i think her relationship with her dad is really fucking dumb and they butchered that entire aspect of her character by having him treat her like shit and her not react to it in any real way. her relationship with her biological and adoptive mothers is way way way more important so its not a huge deal but sooooooo many fights in the rwby fandom wouldnt happen if they had just thought through the way they wrote tai a little better

favorite line - 

Gotcha.

her catching adam’s sword was probably the best moment in the entire show to date and that line was the icing on the cake and a perfect example of her using the way people misread her to her advantage, especially against the character that was her strongest foil. watching a female character derided for years by the fanbase for being too angry and too headstrong deliberately and precisely baiting an abusive male character into letting those traits consume him in a life or death situation was unbelievably satisfying

brotp - yang gets along with everybody extremely well but i think weiss is the only person who really understands her on a deeper level. i think theres just certain experiences of extreme parental neglect that only translate if youve been there, and weiss and yang are the two who can really connnect on that since yang basically became ruby’s mom after their mom died and their dad shut down. i think its a really unlikely friendship that became one of the strongest in the series and the moment where weiss leaps into yang’s arms after not seeing her for the better part of a year always fucks me up

otp - i dont have anything clever to say here its bumbleby. blake and yang’s slowburn romance is one of the best wlw stories in fiction right now and absolutely blows me away when i really think about. wlw romances literally never get treated the way the show is treating them and its genuinely heartwarming to watch

notp - she hasnt been word of god confirmed as a lesbian but everything about the way shes written and especially the way shes treated by the crew outside of fiction (specifically editing out references that could be interpreted as her being attracted to men in the japanese localization and manga adaptation) makes it a foregone conclusion as far as im concerned, but at the same time there arent really any men that people ship with yang as anything other than an attempt to be homophobic on purpose

so basically i guess winter/yang is the big one without being straight up horrific. please dont ship teenagers with people who are like 28 i dont care how ultra mature yang is thats weird on a real world level no matter how hard you try to justify it

random headcanon - ruby’s the only character ever shown listening to music but i KNOW yang is a skramz kid. i KNOW it

unpopular opinion - okay. people fucking LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE to draw yang in dresses like every single fucking opportunity they get you fucking breathe a single word about yang being a dyke in anyones direction and theyve got her femmed up the ass. and its fucking so transparent. like she isnt wildly GNC by any means but her clothing is consistently more masculine than the other female characters’ and her posture/body language SCREAMS butch. they wont let her be real butch because they hate me specifically but i know i know i know why people ALWAYS want to draw her in dresses and its because they hate gnc women with a burning passion and if i ever see that shit im blocking unless you do something really good to balance i out. “wouldnt it be so fun if we put blake in the suit and yang in the dress” shut the fuck up and die put them both in suits if you want it that bad literally stop doing this to gnc women

song i associate with them - i absolutely adore rwby’s music and there is no song on earth that can top her actual volume 5 theme

undefined

favorite pictures of them -

[wandrie]

50 questions with Ori my spirit guide

Same questions by @lulloph

1:what do you think is the worst creation ever made?

Ori: like inanimate or? me: anything you desire lmao Ori: Pedophiles.

2: whats your favorite genre of music?

Ori: like... southern Gothic chain gang country-ish but not like classic country?? Like Lana Del Rey or Delta Rae me: bless you 

3:if you could be any other entity, what would you be?

ori: Id be a god. me: WOWi

4: how many times do you think you have seen a beluga whale (in pictures or otherwise)?

ori: Im 9062 years old Ive seen many.

5:what is your favorite time of day?

Ori: Dawn

6: when do you think is the best time to take a nap?

Ori: I don’t have time for naps.maybe mid day so I cans till go to sleep at night.

7: how flexible are you on a scale from 1-10?

Ori: probably like a 7? me: yeah? ori: I can touch my toes but i cant like contort myself or anything.

8: how many fingers do you have?

ori: 18 in total. me: not 20? ori: thumbs are not fingers, they are thumbs. me: ok DAD

9:how many fingers do you want?

Ori: a total of 18 fingers and 2 thumbs.

10: would you rather get rid of your left arm(/left fin/other left extremity) or like half of all your body hair?

ori: body hair.

11:would you rather have a hamster or a guinea pig?

ori: neither. I am not a fan.

12: would you rather eat a rose quartz point or eat a selenite tower?

Ori: Don’t eat rocks Bree..... me: that wasnt the question. ori: I know what i said young lady.

13: would you rather have your whole body to be shaved like a barber pole or have to wear crocs on your hands and feet for the rest of your life (cant ever take em off…they grow with u)?

Ori: none of those. I dont care. if anyone comes near me with crocs or a shaver i will stab them. me: yes SIR

14: how many times in a day do you wash your hands?

Ori: As many times as is required. Before every meal, After using the bathroom, etc.

15: do you prefer rings or necklaces

Ori: rings. Im waiting for Az to put a ring on it. me: OH WORM? Ori: stop.

16: how many times in ur life have u ever wanted to yodel?

Ori: whenever the situation calls for it. these are strange questions....

17: do you prefer chocolate or fruity candy?

Ori: hmm............................*thinks for a long time* chocolate

18: whats your favorite animal?

Ori: Youve been foxes several times and Ive always thought those were adorable. Maybe I’m biased

19: if you had to ride an animal for the rest of your life, what animal would it be?

Ori: an animal that is made for riding?.... Horse?

20:are you an alto or soprano?

Ori: Alto and soprano are for feminine voice types. I would technically be a Tenor, but for the sake of this question, Alto.

21: what is your opinion on shopping?

Ori: I enjoy going to farmer’s market type places. Its interesting to see all the different types of food.

22: how would you feel if everything you ate for the rest of your life was the texture of sand?

Ori: i would probably choke on it..

23: how would you feel if everything you drank for the rest of your life was the texture of oil paint?

Ori: as long as its cold. It could be like a smoothie I suppose.

24: how many times in your life have you tap danced?

Ori: Maybe a few times. Im unsure.

25:do you prefer the moon or the sun?

Ori: The moon.

26: what is your opinion on water?

Ori: I do enjoy a good swim or sprinkle. My favorite place in your astral space is the fountain you made me. me: Aw im glad you like it so much.

27: how disgusting is the pulp in fruit juice on a scale from 1-10? (dont try to lie and say its good….its bad)

Ori: mm...maybe a 5. I will drink the juice if it has pulp but I don’t prefer it.

28: what is your favorite flavor of chewing gum?

Ori: The....bubble gum flavor. is that what its called? me: I believe so?

29: how well can you juggle?

Ori: I can juggle just fine. I wouldn’t say i’m an expert at it.

30: what are the top 3 instruments you’d like to learn how to play?

Ori: Ive always wanted to play the violin. thats all.

31: would you rather be the size of an ant for the rest of your life or the size of a giant every day for two random consecutive hours of the day?

Ori: neither. me: oh come onnnnnnnnn Ori: a giant so i could squish you.

32:what type of clothing would u get rid of if you could?

Ori: Boob windowed shirts me: why you dont have boobs Ori:....I guess I just dont like the trope in superhero things.

33: what 4 similarities can you think of for an alligator vs a peacock?

Ori: you find them in random places. Like that Library we used to go to, or swimming pools. Both remind me of dinosaurs, Aggressive, Beady eyes.

34: what color would you want your tongue to be if you could change it

Ori: I think it woould be nice if I could change the color of it like i can change my hair.....Maybe i can? ive never tried.

35: whats your opinion on reading?

Ori: I enjoy it very much. 

36: do you prefer the word snuggle or cuddle and why?

Ori: Both have the same meaning really. I use both depending on the day. However cuddle rolls off the tongue easier.

37: how many hairs do you think you have on your body?

Ori: None. me: what really? Ori: ask Az. me: in earlier questions you said body hair. Ori: yes because 1/2 of 0 hairs on my body is still 0. me: WOW

38: what is cooler? tarot or lenormand?

Ori: I know Tarot much more. Though I think you could benefit from learning a new divination card type Bree. me: yes dad

39: what is the coolest “mythical” creature?

Ori: hmm... nothing is very mythical now is it? Id say shapeshifters. me: youre just saying that because your boyfriend is a shapeshifter huh ori: anyway next question

40: if you could change your height/size, what would you change it to?

Ori: Maybe a bit taller.

41: what is your favorite cartoon?

Ori: whats that one you like? me: be more specific Ori: with the two kids and their uncle? Me: Gravity falls? ori: yes

42: what is a place you’d like to visit in the world?

Ori: I love Italy, I would like to spend my honeymoon there.

43: what is your opinion on daylight savings time?

Ori: I have no preference. Mostly because we dont change for that correct? We dont need to save sun. Me: correct. Arizona doesnt use it Ori: its inconvienent that everyone else does.

44: would you rather have to climb a tree like a monkey or like a big cat?

Ori: I would just fly? me: Answer the question Ori. Ori: maybe a monkey.

45: how do you feel about man buns?

Ori: I dont care.

46: if you had to eat one bug for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Ori: A huge one so i dont have to eat as many to be satisfied.

47: what genre of music is cursed (aside from country)?

Ori: well, considering I like country, whatever this persons favorite music is, is cursed. me: its just a silly joke ori. Ori: Hmpf

48: would you rather have to wear one glove for the rest of your life or one sock

Ori: I just wouldnt wear either. I dont even wear shoes.

49: what color would u want to paint your nails if you had to?

Ori:Hm pink or blue.

50: how much do you love your companion?

Ori: She is basically my daughter. And It is an honor to be her guide and see her grow in every life time. My love for her is unconditional, and I will do whatever I can to help her along, and I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world or any other world for that matter. me: a-awww *tears up*

[theday]

tagged by @ikyh and @younghyuuns ill be doing both sets !! :D thank you both for tagging me!! this got long so yall dont hav 2 read <3

ru?? rushee’s set!! me: wow ru does not sound like rushee at all ? djsjdhhjd im dumb but i realize now

i. do u believe in astrology? whats ur sign and do u line up with the features usually attributed to it?

fucc... i guess i do ;-0...... and yeah i think?????? like they say capricorns are cold bitches and funny nd im like ya thats me... but they also say we’re hard workers and im like uh.. dont know abt that karen !

ii. what’s ur favorite pair of socks?

bbbbbbb..... socks huh...... i guess my ankle ones? there are also socks that have actual designs on them and those r usually thicker.. keep my feets safe! most of them have pkmn designs bc.. yeah... love the poke mans

iii. what’s a food that reminds you of a specific moment/memory?

i could think of anythiing and get reminded of one situation if that makes sense.. but i thought of pineapple..pizza... anyway the memory isnt anythngn special its just me staring at my delicious hawaiian pizza..... at my favourite pizza place.... love that shit

iv. what’s the longest you’ve gone without sleeping?

i dont have the actual hours but the latest ive stayed up.. like willingly would be until 2am

v. how has ur taste in music changed throughout ur life?

went from 1d to 5so/s + other bands to utaite.... they cover vocaloid songs ig i never kno how2 explain what utaites r then 2 kpop.. but i still listen 2 bands + kpop and utaites.... so nothing much has changed ive just gone broader.. wider... expanded my tastes... 

vi. who’s ur fashion icon?

oh definitely kim wonpil

vii. what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done without realizing?

i breathe dumbass particles.. i cant think of one bc my brain probably blocked off all access to my horrifying past but ive been thinking abt how i used 2 send the boy i used 2 like 1d songs....................... 12 y/o old me rly thought. he’d listen.... 12 y/o me thought spamming him was a good idea glad ive learnt from that! 

viii. what’s something you want to brag about?

my grades but it didnt get me into psychology so nvm ! its still good though i didnt expect to get an A1 (hghest grade) for combined humanities since ive had a B my whole life without it i wouldnt be able to move on education wise lmao so thank god for that thanks cambridge thanks bell curve sunbaenim 

ix. when you imagine urself being happy in the future, where exactly are you (like the location!)?

oh definitely an apartment somewhere where its always windy and the curtains are always Moving and the sun just Shines in the room but its not that hot either its just full of warmth and yeah thats the dream maybe also walks in the park without having 2 worry abt sweating my pits out u kno! tldr anywhere but here

x. what’s something you’ve always wanted to own?

let me Think.... i dont need a lot/?? but id love hm.............. i want stability but realistically i want all the hh pcs from the code albums. 

xi. how’ve you been lately?

good good! i finished my *** fic and its. im proud of it though i know its not that good nd i can do better but its done ! and hm i could be going to see mx but asking my mum is stressing me out speaking of her she wont stop Coughing and she refuses to see the doctor ;-/ love those sleepless nights ! other than that i just want 2 get out and feel the sun ???/ wanna get out of this house yea but i need to be.. shady with my money i cant get a job because school is starting in a month and im going overseas again sometime next month so ! no ones gonna hire someone who can only work for 2 weeks at most dhzjhhs shouldve worked when i had the time dumbasses only

ok now falen

1. what’s been on your mind??

hm redacted feeling towards my mum but i cant say them bc itd be insensitive 

2. what are you looking forward to? 

mx? possibly but also finishing my enrolment papers

3. story time!: how and when did you get into day6!!!!!

fuck...... listen up LADS. 

ive told the same story like 10 times but im never gonna get tired of saying this shit bc i love miss boxy so much nd she deserves the appreciation anywy she introduced me 2 day6 after i saw this one (1) picture of brian in minion glasses and instantly i knew in that Fucking moment thatd id die for him. so i asked for the name of my murderer and was introduced to day6 whom frankly id never heard of b4 bdjhjh she sent me all their mvs and i still remember the night . i remember walking out of this japanese restaurant, twitter open, chat wiht boxy there and i was like.. interesting ill go listen when im home so i Did! and my mind was blown away bitch? i honest 2 god expected them to be a boy group,,, dancing and shit yknow? i didnt know k bands existed ! so as a previous 5/sos stan i was like wow. this??? this shit is 10/10 a fucking BANGER thats what i felt listening 2 i smile and just going :O over the fucking instruments so idk if how can i say was the last or second song but Damn. .. it made me scream thanks mister j** he rly dragged me by the collar of my shirt and threw me face first into Heaven so i watched everything i asked my friend for video recommendations and after boxy sent me a page with their face and names i was like this jae kid is 182 cm? wow gotta stan now im stupid and stupid for glasses and tall people so ! it happened bithc,, ugh i lov eday6 so much i remember binge watchng all their vlives after the july after party live (that being the first vlive i watched Ever in my entire life and i laghed so hard despite not understanding a damn thing) please id giv my heart and soul2 day6 im so happy with the way ive progressed as a myday :^( 

bonus when i first started stanning it was 26th june and shortly after i made a stan acc teasers were being dropped but i didnt kno why ppl were freaking out i remmeber seeing jae’s teaser nd going ? ok? its just a pic damn ;-/ and then eveeryone was like: dowoon! choker! me: wdhs? what

4. ????do you have any allergies????

did u think of jae and no i used to be allergic 2 dairy products but thats disappeared

5. a fond memory???

bowling with friends and im just a disaster of a friend im always so loud with them and i thank god everyday that they handle my energy ? i would cheer for them even if they got a gutter or whatever and when they got a strike id go clap like crazy i love my friends i also went i have the power of god and anime on my side before flinging the ball and theyd laugh despite not knowing what vine that was from i love my friends... psg if ur out there yall are the best x i miss hanigng out with them as a trio.. three of us :( 

6. do you paint your nails?? if so, what are your fave colors to use?? if not, why??  

thats so.. tiresome.......... dont u have 2 wait for it 2 dry and shit ? my mums always worried abt ruining the colour or some sht nd im like !!! okY!!!!!!! tldr its a pain in the ass

7. what are your favorite colors?? what are your fave colors to wear??

i like hte colour of the sky... all the colours........ yeah love that bithc and lately ive been wearing a lot of black shirts finally went out of my embarrassing colourful phase ! 

8. what languages would you like to learn?? for what reason(s)??

japanese nd korean jp because i listen to a lot of things in japanese and korean for the same reason but my priority would be jp even tho id love to communicate with my faves i just... yeah although im not exactly making an effort 2 learn bc im lazy but if i Could.... itd be those two

9. when you get stickers, do you use them or do you keep them??

DHDGFHDHDGDSJHJSJAKSSJHFHS THIS FEELS LIKE A CALL OUT???? i keep them......... 

10. are there any groups that you might get into/want to get into?

hm... well theres knk ive learnt their names and im finally able to put name 2 face so thats nice svt too if htey didnt have such large numbers... thats all for now i think?? i love evry girl group though i love gIRLS... 

11. how are you???

idk im constantly just fine?? not the im sad but im fine kind of fine im literally just neutral half the time wjhddshs wild 

both of your questions were really unique and i loved answering them thank you so much for tagging me and if youve read until the end thank you i hope you have a good day!