#this new lady is nice though and she Gets my issues for the most part

[navybrat817]

As Red as a Ruby

Pairing: Soft Dark!Andy Barber x Female Reader Summary: You're still finding your footing as a stay-at-home spouse. Word Count: Over 1.4k Warnings: Gaslighting, coercion, creepy vibes, Andy Barber (yep, he's a warning) A/N: Andy and Ruby's Intro for my Disturbia AU! ❤️ Beta read by the lovely @whisperlullaby, but any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @firefly-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

You suppressed a sigh as you checked your perfectly manicured nails and waited for the casserole to finish. The last time you attempted this meal, you burned the food and the dish. You weren't going to win any cooking awards anytime soon, but you were trying your best for Andy. He deserved to come home to a nice meal.

Even if you needed to get help from one of the other wives.

A well-fed husband is a happy husband.

Rose reminded you earlier on the phone to check whether the top was browned and crisped, and to make sure the liquid had significantly decreased. She also noted to use a food thermometer once finished to ensure you cooked the dish thoroughly at 165 degrees. Admittedly, it already looked and smelled better than the last attempt as you checked it through the glass. That had to be a good sign.

Andy will appreciate a home cooked meal.

You blinked when the timer went off, praying you didn't drop the dish as you grabbed the oven mitt and carefully removed it. "Shit. Come on," you muttered to yourself as you tried to shut the door with your foot, getting it on the second attempt before you set the food down. After a moment, you laughed at yourself and grabbed the thermometer. Looking the part of a housewife was easy, but actually living it?

It's what I signed up for though. I'm a housewife in progress and my husband is proud of me.

"What's that?" you heard from the doorway.

"Fuck!" you yelled, the thermometer falling to the floor with a clatter as you clutched your chest. "Jesus, Andy. You scared the shit out of me," you said, your heart pounding still as you took a calming breath.

A good wife should speak like a lady.

Your husband casually leaned against the frame with a chuckle. He already had his jacket off and loosened his tie. You hadn't even heard him come in. You must've been too invested in making sure dinner turned out right. It didn't surprise you in the least that he stood quietly for God knows how long.

He liked to watch you.

"Sorry, honey. I didn't mean to scare you," he said all too innocently as you frowned at him. "You're lucky Steve isn't here. He'd scold you for that language."

"Steve isn't my husband," you pointed out.

Thank God for that. I wouldn't last one week as his wife.

Most of the men expected a certain level of decorum out of their partners, but Andy was lenient as long as you didn't embarrass him.

"No, he isn't. I might take issue if you suddenly wanted him," Andy agreed, crossing the room to press a kiss to your warm cheek. "You made a casserole."

You straightened up a little. He kept his tone light, but you wondered if he was judging it. And you. "I tried. Rose gave me some tips."

"That was kind of her. And probably the best one to give you advice since she's one of the best cooks on the block."

A twisted sort of smile formed on your face. Though you agreed that Rose was a wonderful cook, you couldn't help the surge of envy that worked its way into your chest as you thought of her and the other wives. Cherry baked the best treats. Rumor had it that Ginger wanted to start teaching exercise classes for the other wives.

What the hell do I bring to the table?

"Yeah, she is," you said, bitterness creeping in as you bent down to snatch up the thermometer.

Andy stepped back to let you go to the sink. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Nope," you said, glancing over your shoulder when you felt his deep blue eyes on you.

"I don't like it when you lie to me," he said in a low voice.

You almost dropped the thermometer again. Andy grew up in a world of secrets and lies. Though it shaped him into the man you loved, he didn't want you to keep anything from him, especially after his first marriage fell apart. No matter how big or small the issue or what your feelings were, he wanted the truth.

A good wife is truthful with her husband.

"It's just," you started as you tore your gaze away, not wanting him to see the vulnerability in your eyes. "I suck at this homemaker thing, Andy. I'll never be able to make masterpieces like Rose or anyone else. I'm lucky I don't iron a hole in your shirts."

"You know I couldn't care less about your cooking skills or any of that," he said, slipping his arms around your waist from behind. You went limp in his hold, happy that he wasn't upset. "That's not why I'm with you."

Why are you?

"Don't you mean my lack of skills?" you mumbled.

"Well, I didn't want to say anything, but…" he teased, brushing his beard along the column of your neck. "You're special to me, okay? Isn't that enough?"

Warmth replaced the envy that previously bloomed in your chest. While Andy wasn't a hero in the traditional sense like Steve or Bucky, he helped many as a lawyer. With his confidence, charm, and good looks, he could have anyone he wanted. Choosing you to be his side was much more than a dream come true.

It was a chance at a better life.

"It's more than enough," you promised.

"Before we sit down to eat, there is something we need to talk about," he said, turning you around to face him. "Something I need you to do for me."

"What is it?"

"I'm sure you already heard through the grapevine that Bucky has a wife," he said.

You nodded. Like the other wives, you were sure she had some kind of skill or hobby that would make Bucky a proud husband. You wondered how the two of you would get along. The last thing you needed to do was piss off the wife of the former Winter Soldier.

Her opinion doesn't matter. Only Andy's.

"Steve and Cherry plan to have a small get together after they get settled to welcome her to the neighborhood."

"And you want me to make her feel welcome?" you guessed.

"Cherry is the welcome wagon. You are going to keep an eye out for her," he corrected you. "The Haven is amazing, but it can be a bit of an adjustment. We need to make sure she fits in and falls in line. Be her friend. Be her confidant if you need to."

A good wife does what her husband says.

"I'll be her friend," you assured him, especially if it meant Andy would be happy. "Have you met her?"

"Not yet. They're still in their honeymoon phase," Andy replied.

So she's getting her back blown out.

"But you come right to me if anything feels wrong," he said, grasping your chin so you knew how serious he was. "Understood?

"I'll make sure she knows her place if she forgets it," you promised.

The Haven is euphoric and every wife is lucky to be here.

"Thank you," he smiled before he softly kissed your lips. You melted into it, the casserole long forgotten as you opened your mouth to him. He ended the kiss just as abruptly as it started, leaving you wanting more. "I'm sure we have nothing to worry about, but we can't be too careful."

"Of course," you smiled.

However Andy needs me to help, I'll do it.

"Now why don't you set the table while I pour us some wine?" he suggested, brushing his thumb along your bottom lip. "That red one you love."

You nibbled on his thumb with a smirk. For everything you lacked in the traditional sense, you kept him happy sexually. A faithful, giving wife through and through. "Good because the white one gives me a headache."

"We can't have that now, can we?"

"No, we can't," you said, sneaking another kiss in before you slipped out of his hold to get the plates.

"Oh, Ruby?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"I'm proud of you for cooking," he said sincerely, your cheeks hot from the praise. "And I know you'll keep making me proud, won't you?" he said, turning the stove off for you.

"I will," you smiled.

"That's my girl."

I'll be the best wife for you and more.

Everything is FINE. Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Andy Barber Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my mom to stop singing?

okay so a couple months back i (a uni student) moved out of my old apartment and back in with my parents while i try to find a new one. the only issue is, since i first moved away, my parents had moved into a smaller house than they had when me and my siblings were growing up. they now have their bedroom and my dad's study, but no additional bed or guest rooms. for this reason, i have been sleeping on their living room couch.

my mom also doesn't have a room of her own, so her laptop is also in the living room, as is mine. so basically the living room is our shared domain for the time we spend at home. i have class and friends to spend time with, so i'm away relatively frequently (though i'm on winter break now of course), while my mom is retired and is at home basically 95% of the time year-round.

me and my mom both listen to music a lot and our tastes do not overlap basically at all. i listen mostly to indie, folk, rock, the kind of stuff white queer kids love, while my mom's music is almost entirely soulful christian pop about big j and stuff.

up until recently, my mom didn't wear headphones. she'd play music directly from her laptop speakers. this obviously bothered me somewhat, but i hadn't said anything about it. recently (i.e. a couple weeks ago) i asked her if she'd consider starting to wear headphones, which she has for the most part, though sometimes she forgets. i just kinda let her do whatever if she does, i haven't mentioned it again since.

so that's the first time i asked my mom to be quieter, and i don't think i'm an asshole for that. my worry is about the second time. you see, over the last week, she's taken to singing along to her tunes. maybe she did that before and i just didn't notice over the actual song itself? anyway, i can definitely hear it now.

and of course it's not the best musical performance, it's a lady with little singing experience belting along to her favourite songs, but it's not really about the quality of the singing. i don't like the music she likes and would prefer not to listen to it, is all.

today, whilst she was singing, i gently asked her: "could you stop singing?" i didn't mean forever, just in that moment. i really tried to say it in a nice way, and i don't think i sounded particularly rude? it should be noted, though, that my parents do seem to think of me as some kind of sensitive sally intent on criticizing every little thing they do. that feeling does kind of go both ways, but i admit sometimes i can be harsh on my mom, because she can be overbearing and a bit neurotic, and i don't really get to have the space i wish i could, especially not now when i'm living with them.

anyway, so i ask: "could you stop singing?" and my mom says something like "okay- well, i would prefer not to." the way she said it really made it sound like i had hurt her feelings. so i said, "okay. that's alright. you can sing." she stopped singing and has been sort of running around for the last 10 minutes or so restlessly doing random things.

my parents are that kind of people who are really really deep in "politeness" and genuinely baffle me since i'm autistic (like, a couple of days ago we had some leftover cake, and my dad straight up forced me to take half of what was left over even though i said i didn't want it. i still don't really know why?) so i'm sure even though i said "okay, nevermind then," my mom didn't believe me.

while she was running around doing random things, i told her, "sorry if i hurt your feelings." and she said, "oh, it's nothing." i genuinely don't know if i'm in the wrong here. i feel like, on the one hand, this is a space we have to share, and i should have the right to ask her not to make noise (i always wear headphones and never sing along to music or vc with friends when my parents are around), but on the other hand, it's her house, and she should have the right to sing in it, right? i don't know.

TL;DR: i asked my mom to stop singing in the only space for our computers in the house and i'm pretty sure it upset her. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[spaceorphan18]

The Lady Whistledown Papers : 1x2 - Shock and Delight (Part 2)

Hi! Welcome back to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I’m taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton’s character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!

For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers

In Part Two I will be doing a deep dive analysis on the structural arc of Daphne and Simon's Courtship No, I'm kidding, but unfortunately, I won't be talking about a whole lot of Pen or Colin either.... At least lack of screen time gets us to better things quicker ;)

Cake

Okay, so we pick up with Penelope bringing Marina a few treats - because Marina is staying home due to her 'condition'. And here's my thing... Penelope is so happy to be coming to see Marina. Even after Colin has been courting her a little, Penelope is fine with Marina. And this is the one unfortunate side effect of this whole plot line, because I think Penelope and Marina could have been friends.

Marina is generally nice to Penelope -- I'm assuming that she hasn't made fun of Penelope, hasn't made snide little comments, and has noticed Pen as an actual person, and it seems as no one other than Eloise and Colin has done this for Penelope. Plus, she's someone new and someone who isn't seemingly a terrible person, so of course Pen is excited to sneak up to see her.

Plus -- all of the pregnancy stuff is terrible exciting for her. Not because of the Lady Whistledown, gossip of it all -- no, because stuff like this doesn't happen in her world. And she's incredibly curious about all of it. She wants to know to understand her world better. And Marina offers her a view of the outside world that she never gets to see.

So, we learn that Marina will be sticking around and Penelope takes a moment to inquire how the pregnancy happened - since clearly she and Eloise still haven't found anyone to give them answers. (I wonder why they didn't go find a servant and ask them, anyway, I digress...)

Marina, amused, answers that cake is the reason for her condition.

And I love how Penelope is so confused... and hesitant about eating the piece of cake in her hand. But I mean, girl... my dear, sweet, summer child Penelope, listen up because cake is gonna be how you end up pregnant, too ;)

*ah-hem* I'm sorry, what was I saying? Oh, right back to Season 1...

So we get a really long boring explanation that Marina fell in love with a dude named George Crane and they fucked around and found out and then George Crane went to fight in the army and Marina was shipped off to be with her unimaginably mean spirited cousins.

And, look, I may not be into this story but Penelope totally is. Because it's a love story. It's about two people just finding their way, and doing sweet, little things for each other, and just falling in love with each other. And Penelope is eating this right up. This girl has the biggest, most romantic soul, and it's endearing to her on every level.

Marina reveals that she and George have been writing, and Penelope is both scandalized and titillated. And I mean, unmarried men and women who were not related to each other weren't really supposed to be writing letters -- let alone love letters -- to each other. This is a BIG FUCKING DEAL, and Penelope just loves it. But I mean, it also speaks to her -- it speaks to her as a writer, and a romantic, and this idea that two people fall in more in love through writing is just... something that's going to be a part of her own story, so this is a very meaningful thing, here.

The last beat of this is a little funny to me, because even though Pen is so invested in this love story, Marina is still being vague, so Pen asks straight up -- how did you get pregnant? And Marina just simply replies... love. And I mean, it's an incredibly sweet moment -- and I love that it's punctuated by Penelope holding a letter -- because, again, the written word will be so powerful in her story but also...

She's just dumbfounded because -- love? Love got you pregnant? Thanks, Marina, I was hoping for a mechanical break down of how that works, because no one will actually give me details on that, but I suppose a metaphor will work...

Meanwhile...

Wondering what Colin is up to? Not a whole lot, hanging out with his mother and brother, being very good at not really being in this scene. BUT I'M TRYING TO BE THOROUGH!

Picnic

No, okay, but here's my thing. We have this whole picnic thing going on the Bridgertons and the Featheringtons are around. And the Bridgerton siblings are all kind of playing around, and honestly, I love this little moment of them all playing this hoop game. I mean, Anthony is there, sure. But I think it's important showing Colin fooling around with Gregory and Hyacinth in this game -- it kind of a nice visual reminder of how young Colin is. And a nice complement to the next scene where Pen asks if she can go 'play' with Eloise.

And, I mean, I love this moment. Penelope and Eloise have been 'playing' for a long time, and it's another reminder that Penelope is also incredibly young here. She may have been pushed out into the world sooner than she wanted to, but she is still childish at heart, too.

And, as an aside I should note -- Nicola Coughlan was 32 when she filmed this. 32!! And she makes Penelope seem so, so, so young. Coughlan also has talked about how she used a much higher voice when doing Season 1 Penelope to help give the illusion that Penelope is still a young girl. It's such a cool acting choice. I'm glad Coughlan is really beginning to get the recognition she deserves.

Penelope fills Eloise in on the gossip that 'love' was what got Marina pregnant, and they are both still confused. I kind of love that Penelope is more so confused because her own mother had three children and clearly that didn't happen because her parents' loved each other. I mean, it's wise of Penelope to acknowledge that, but also kind of sad, too. It's one reason she gravitates towards the Bridgertons so hard - their family love is something she doesn't have.

Eloise wants to know if the 'maid' is frightened, but Penelope lights up because she is caught up in the love story of it all. Marina has told her she's going to run away to the country side and get married. To Penelope, this is the best possible outcome -- a woman finding love and starting her family based out of that love. I'm sure it's happened in the books she loves to read, and getting a front seat to it all is even more exciting.

Eloise, of course, does not share her view, and we get another instance of the two of them not being on the same page. Eloise exclaims that it's terrible and frightening that this is all happening -- because marriage is the worst option. It means succumbing to the will of man and society yet again, and Eloise just cannot have it.

There's a little moment towards the end where Eloise is slightly forceful with Penelope -- in a way where Eloise is trying to shake the silly love story out of Penelope's head and remind her what's actually at stake -- the poor 'maid's freedom. And I can only imagine that Eloise has spent a good amount of time reminding Penelope that she shouldn't want to be married and that the two of them are going to go off being great, single dames with many adventures.

(But also - as an aside - one reason Eloise is so afraid is that she still remembers her mother going into labor after her father died, and that has made a profound impact on her. She doesn't want to go through that nightmare herself. It's just something I wanted to note, because Eloise is a pretty complex and interesting character, even if I'm only tangentially hitting on her character in these posts.)

Back at the Bridgerton camp, Lord Berbrooke is causing a stir as he's trying to stake a claim on Daphne.

And I mean, the thing about Colin in the background is that he's taking this all very seriously. Berbrooke is scandalizing his sister and making a mockery of the Bridgerton name and Colin really isn't about to let anyone do either of those things. But, this isn't his story, and Anthony is handling it so he's just on guard and waiting...

I also think it's kind of funny that Lady Whistledown was named checked during this scene. Whatever would happen if she knew what was going on?? Meanwhile, Lady Whistledown is busy asking her mother if she could go play with her bff and trying to figure out how babies are made. The fact that LW carries so much weight already and yet, Penelope really doesn't know what power she has yet.

Gossip

The next sequence I actually really like. It's been hammered into us these first couple of episodes how little power that women have. So, since they can't go duel people, they can do what they do best -- talk. And talk they do. And the gossip is spread about how Berbrooke got a maid pregnant and sent her off to the country side and the rumors start to swirl.

It's very intentional that they showed a clip of Varley, Portia's hand maid (and right hand man) getting the news. Because this is undoubtedly how Penelope finds out about it.

But here's the thing. Here's the thing I really, really, really want to stress. You know what saves Daphne from having to marry this asshat? You know what stops Anthony from having to punch the dude or Simon from taking measures into his hands or something much worse happening? Lady Whistledown. Lady. Fucking. Whistledown.

Penelope, when it comes down to it, always protects the Bridgertons. Always. She may make some questionable choices at times, and may not always be kind to them in her writing, but she will always protect them when she can. She may not know or fully understand her full power, but it's no doubt that the Queen will eventually think it's a Bridgerton writing it -- because they are always, ultimately, shielded in column.

And I mean, look at the look in her eyes as she watches her mother gossip with other women. Look at her pretending to read what she, herself, has written. She knows the gossip is working. And she delights that her own handiwork is at play.

It's a great little moment in an otherwise brilliant sequence.

However... that's all we get in this episode. Stay tuned for Episode 3 where... even less happens! :D Thanks for reading! :)

[ecargmura]

My Happy Marriage Episode 8 Review: Stepping Away From The Cinderella Story Now

I do like how My Happy Marriage is now stepping away from the Cinderella story aspect and diving more into the supernatural fantasy premise that it had been teasing in previous episodes. While the cinderella story portion was good, I’m most excited to see what the fantasy aspect of this show has to offer now.

The entirety of this episode focuses on a looming threat regarding Grotesqueries that Kiyoka and his squad are trying to investigate. They meet Prince Takahito who is the ruler and also the one who overviews the supernatural stuff. He is also a bit of a prophet as he does foretell that Miyo might play a role in this situation, but he says it in a very vague manner that worries Kiyoka. 

The Grotesqueries are summoned from a grave where a group of people fell unconscious after opening it. Kazushi has abilities that can dispel spirits and such, so he tried using it on an unconscious man, but realizes that the power of these spirits are far stronger than his own. This sounds like bad business because Takahito did allude that these spirits are so strong that they could threaten the whole country if they aren’t stopped. Kiyoka’s gonna have a lot on his shoulders in these next few episodes.

Kiyoka does investigation as he believes that the Usuba family might be tied to all of this, but Usubas are very secretive and secluded, so it’s hard to tell if they actually exist or not; Miyo’s mother Sumi is the only known Usuba on record. The two people from the previous episode might be tied to Usuba family as they are aware of Miyo’s existence and such; that’s my hunch. Speaking of Miyo, her nightmares are getting out of control to the point that she dreams of Grotesqueries; she becomes so scared that she stopped sleeping because of it.

In regards to Miyo, her training of becoming a proper lady continues. Seeing Miyo in western clothes is a nice sight! Miyo usually dresses in kimonos, so for her to have a change in outfit is a novel but welcome feeling. Blue suits her a lot. Though, my only issue with the dress is that it feels a bit too modern for Meiji/Taisho era fashion—this was back in the late 1800-early 1900’s. However, do correct me if this was the actual fashion back in the day. It’s nice seeing Miyo taking these lessons seriously as she’s trying her best to improve. While the relationship between her and Hazuki are getting closer, there’s still a bit of a wall; Hazuki even points this out as it’s because Miyo’s still too polite towards her. Hazuki wanted her to call her “Big Sister”, but the abuse from Kaya still affects her. Instead, she calls her by her name casually, which Hazuki is okay with. I hope that Miyo can warm-up and call her “onee-san” by the end of the show. I think the best part about the Miyo segment is seeing her grow without relying too much on her fiancé.

I don’t trust this Arata guy one bit. The fact that he came into Kiyoka’s office, spoke what he needed to say, and then went vague about Miyo and such by beating around the bush about his engagement and such. All I want is for his bespectacled big-ass forehead away from Miyo. What is this guy’s motive? What are your thoughts on this new shift in this anime?

[hell-heron]

Warning for complete lack of Doylist reasoning in this post, but another Mina thing is I don't think she's THAAAT opposed to the New Woman. She's definitely ambivalent. We see her making comparisons to the New Woman thrice:

We had a capital "severe tea" at Robin Hood's Bay in a sweet little old-fashioned inn, with a bow-window right over the seaweed-covered rocks of the strand. I believe we should have shocked the "New Woman" with our appetites. Men are more tolerant, bless them!  --- This is definitely disdainful, if not exactly... Concerning one of the matters that I view as the cornerstones of feminism, lol. I wonder what it refers to exactly - from a modern point of view I can't help but think about the New Woman's focus on athleticism. I think about how one of the typical dychotomies of women-on-women pointless snickering, is 'how empowering to have the right to Focus On Myself be Athletic and Sophisticated and not have my body RUINED!! By popping out children and doing country housewife things'. Which would be somewhat bad faith interpretation on Mina's part, but definitely a kind of sensitivity that makes sense for a character with attachment to simple pleasures, with some desire to escape her London routine with rural simplicity and with very focused small scale ambitions that don't happen to include being hugely in the public eye and thus not too attuned to the issues of beauty standards that already exist enforced by men and traditional women. On the other hand I don't exclude it might be "we would have shocked even the New Woman nevermind regular ladies lmao we're not remotely dainty 😂" with some awareness that these very finicky codes of etiquette tend to be more strongly reinforced by other women than by men who often don't have an awareness of such details. Which well, its true

Some of the "New Women" writers will some day start an idea that men and women should be allowed to see each other asleep before proposing or accepting. This comes right after daydreaming of how beautiful Arthur would find Lucy if he saw her now as she's sleeping, so I can't see it as negative at all tbh. It seems something she finds exciting to wonder about and a fun development.

But I suppose the New Woman won't condescend in future to accept; she will do the proposing herself. And a nice job she will make of it, too! There's some consolation in that. --- This seems quite curious though struggling to wrap her head around the novelty to me. Not fully disdainful

But most important of all these are all in the same diary entry and never mentioned again. So the idea I get is Mina read some article on the subject on August 9 and then couldn't stop thinking about it the whole following day. She's as Tumblr would say rotating these ideas inside her brain, trying to process how they relate to her life. This seems similar to how she says stuff like I suppose it is one of the lessons that we poor women have to learn.... - the combination of her characterisation with her being written by a man means she's really prone to intellectualizing her opinions on womanhood, she does not express strong feelings of anger but she also does not view them as natural, not at all, and I wonder if thats part of why she pings so many people as Not Cishet

[timeoverload]

I didn't feel good when I woke up as usual. I'm just sore and I felt really sad earlier. I don't want to spend most of the weekend in the house again.

I got up and went to the doctor even though I really didn't want to. It went ok for the most part. I think I like my new provider more than the other lady I was seeing. She seemed to be more thorough and more empathetic. She felt my ribs and they are definitely tender on the left side but she didn't think there was anything seriously wrong with them. My lungs sound fine. She just told me to let her know if I have any more problems. My vitals were good and she thinks I'm healthy. I had to get blood drawn and the nurse was having a hard time with that. Normally I have no problem giving a blood sample but I think I'm dehydrated. I'm nervous about the results but I won't find out until Monday. I will try not to worry about it. I am back down to 106lbs. so I'm frustrated about that. I talked to her about my problem with soda and she wasn't really concerned about it. She just told me to drink lots of water and I do most of the time. She also didn't give me a lecture about vaping because she knows that doesn't do any good. She knows I'm not proud of that and she is understanding. She said that she can help whenever I decide to quit but she wasn't pushy. I have to get a couple vaccinations next time I go so that will be fun. My mom didn't believe in the cervical cancer vaccine so she didn't let me get one when I was a teenager so I'm going to have that done. I thought I was too old for that but I still have 16 years. I might have to pay for it out of pocket because insurance might not cover it but it's ok. I also am about due for a tetanus shot so I am going to get that taken care of too. I still have 2 years but I would rather get it early since I work with a lot of metal. I told her I don't want to increase my medication because I know that's not going to solve any of the issues that I'm having at this point. I think I'm pretty stable, despite the circumstances I'm currently in. I don't have to go back until December unless I have more problems before then.

I didn't want to go straight home after I got done at the doctor so I went for a drive. I drove through our old neighborhood again. I don't know why I bother doing that because it makes me cry. It is just very pretty out there in the summer. I don't think I will do that for a while because I don't like getting emotional about it. I think crying helped me feel a little better though.

I don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of my day. I want to take a nap but I don't want to sleep all day either. I went to bed at 9:30 last night. It was nice to get off work early but I was too tired to enjoy my time much. I guess I'm going to find something to do now. I don't really feel like being on tumblr at the moment. Hopefully I can make it a good weekend.

I hope everyone else has a good weekend too. 💖💖💖

[ilikedyourablogithere]

My Dislyte Favorite 2022 Awards

I liked alot of stuff so this will be a while

Favorite Character Award: Falken

He looks like a batman villain/ kakashi/ Iori yagami and a Yugioh character mixed into one intimadating look guy but in actuality...he’s just a bit awkward and get misunderstood from time to time but he’s good people.

His story of having to rely on himself to support his family regardless of what was thrown at him is very admirable and you can’t help but want to root for him but then he meet Sander and finally made a friend and he learns to rely on others instead of doing everything himself and then wants to go out and do the same for others. And even though he has lost his friend it didn’t stop him from forging his own sense of justice and continues to move forward. He is a very interesting character to me and I look forward to whatever happens to him

Also he has laser beams, revenge energy stealing eye powers and he can turn into and summon a falcon! how cool is that

Best Boy Award: Lewis

I’ve always been a fan of boxer characters if a game has one I gotta use ‘em and Lewis is no exception. But what really hooked me on him is his wanting to do right by the people in his life. Even when his sister left to go the bad guys side he isn’t trying to drag her back by force or anything, he’s just being a big brother and showing her a good example (whether she’s paying attention is a whole different issue). He got good friends around him like Bardon, Tang Xuan and Li Ling as well as a pretty good mentor in Gaius looking out for him. All and all I think he’s doing just great

My favorite part was that little trivia about how he’s secretly trying to improve his penmanship. Just one of those tiny things that just make gravitate to certain characters.

Best Girl Award: Laura

She’s so dang nice and she just to help people. A bit basic? Not at all. It’s actually super hard to be nice. Like she first went to go be a doctor so she could help people but even after she became a surgeon when she got her superpowers she then went on to join the Esper Union. It’s like lady you’re a doctor you’re saving lives you’re doing good and Laura said “NO! I can be even more nice“ then goes on to save even more people

Like she just adopts a random kid she barely knows anything about. Like people don’t just do that. Being nice isn’t a basic thing at all. And all that nice and kindess she puts just gets to you and make you feel all warm inside and ... how can you not like her?

[NO BEST WAIFU OR HUSBANDO FOR 2022]

[NO BEST SHIP FOR 2022]

for whatever percent of y’all that were wondering about that. I dunno nothing really stuck. maybe next year

Best Anthro Award: Daylon

Should come as no surprise seeing how Sobek was one of my top picks from mythos that I wanted in the game and ever since he arrived I’ve been very satisfied

He’s actually a very chill guy. Nothing too grand or far out there. He’s just a guy, sure he may scare off someone from time to time with the whole crocodile “situation” but that’s not gonna stop him from living his life and helping out where he can as earnestly as he can

Best Monstergirl Award: Melanie

For as overused as the medusa, gorgon, snakes for hair gag is Melanie make it entertaining. Not a dull moment when it comes to her

Her complete unamusement of Fabrice (unless sleep depraved from binge reading shojo mangas) her not taking any nonsense from Leon, Ren Si or Biondina. Her big sister vibes with Li Guang and of course her goofy side she get to show off when she’s around her best friend Celine and she doesn’t have to be the responsible one for a bit.

She’s always just amusing where ever she shows up in the story (obviously someone’s favorite on the game’s team) and I look forward to more of her

Best Mythology Award: Egyptian

While all the character designs in the game are stellar  it’s the Egyptian mythos that stood out the most for me. Whenever a new one dropped they’re decked out in gold and jewelry. Not shy on giving furries some love. The colors from Kaylee being the color of the desert sand to Tiye the night sky. And of course the diversity of blackness. Can not stress enough how nice it is to not be this small corner of the fanbase that just gets brushed over and ignored all the time where we get like 3 and then a bunch of racially ambiguous ones who people will always fight you over because the idea of someone being black just have to be fought back against and it is nice to not have to do that for once...it is very nice

But ya I’ve been loving what I’ve been seeing and hope to love whatever comes next

Best Element Award: Inferno

I like ‘em hot and spicy and this element never disappoint. They can be Fighter Defender Controller Healer you give an inferno unit any role and you’ll never hear anyone thinking it is a bad idea. Flame on!

Best Boss Award: Fafnir

The icy lady is always a fun one to go up against. Whether I’m autoing her or playing the game myself I’m always on edge. All it takes is one move, one resist check and you can be collecting your relics with pride or have your team completely wipe out.

Not to mention her boss theme is a great one

Best Billboard Event Award: Bloody Hunt

Out of all the ones we had this is the one always feel relevant because so many things that were established start getting their pay off. Like various bounties bios and small one off topics that were casually brought up that you didn’t even give that much of a thought somehow end up being actual points of importance in the event. And most importantly of all...Bloody Hunt didn’t “end“ like nothing was really resolved and it feels like something that will come back to at some point in the story

Also dat trailer for it

oh so cool

Best Side Event Award: Origami Love

While I can’t say Ophelia is one of my top faves in the game she did bring along Esper Feud. And like no question my favorite side event

I had so much fun racking my brain figuring out how to beat challenges

Also the story was pretty enjoyable

Best Boss Theme Award: The Dark Star Lord

ho boy did they go that extra mile with this track. Even if you’re not good at this boss fight you still end up feeling good cause you get to here this great beat

and THEN the transition into another rendition of Enter Your Mind seriously how many versions did people submit of this one song ? not that I’M complain of course. My ears love it

Best DJ Contest Track Award : Refuge

Sorry wise there wasn’t much meat on that bone

But that song sure did make up for it. Had that on repeat nonstop for the longest

Best Character Theme Song Award: Reine des Roses

Like I love all the characters themes but I say Abigail’s edges out for that fun factor in it for me

Best Song Sung by the in game Characters: Soul Mate sung by Ahmed

Kinda the only one in this category for now but I still wanted to say it cause it IS a great song

ANYWAYS That’s that

Think I covered all my dislyte faves for 2022 and most certainly can’t wait for what dislyte does next

but for now

HAPPY NEW YEARS CHAMP

let’s make the best of it. stay safe out there

[dailycass-cain]

Fare Thee Well Batman: Urban Legends

Batman: Urban Legends ended this week sadly with #23. So in memorial, I'm going to talk about this series as a whole, what I truly enjoyed most about it, and of course, talk about Cass within this series.

I'm really sad to see this series go. It was a comic that allowed a MASSIVE amount of Batman stories to be told here by creatives who probably wouldn't get the chance elsewhere on other Batman comics these days.

Batman: The Brave and the Bold appears to be filling the void (come May), but it feels more like more major talents trying their hands at stories there. Not clear risks as we saw here.

That's probably the one thing I enjoyed so much about this comic. That it gave new avenues for creators and characters (we got a freaking multi-part Ace story in this! ACE!) to be seen.  Even for twenty-three issues, the book saw spinoffs. Because of this comic, we got Batman Beyond: Neo-Year and Sword of Azrael. Along with ongoings such as... Deathstroke Inc, W.I.L.D.C.A.T.s, Tim Drake: Robin, and Batgirls. Who knows? Maybe we'll see concepts near the end sprout fruit later?

For Cass, it was nice seeing the character have a clear presence in the book both in use via the Bat Family (and I'll always be grateful for artists slipping her in 🙏)...

Along with appearing in various stories (she appeared in cameos when Oracle, Lady Shiva, and the BoP). Though, my personal favorites favorite appearances would have to be...

The holiday issue in #10 which was an inspired choice of the Batgirls being the Ghosts of Christmas. Though, I almost wish Steph got her old Batgirl costume as Cass and Babs had gotten theirs with the former appearing as the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.

Along with the first CANON call out to Cass being adopted into the Wayne Family since-- 2009! It does have a few questionable moments, but I can't fault writer Tini Howard for going with that above and Cass's actual gift to Dick for the holiday season being SOO in character.

Likewise, artist Christian Duce's two variants of Cass (the ghost and real) were exceptional. Just a fun little story.

"Wild Card" in #5 while the ending never truly gave us any payoff in the main Batgirls series (or anywhere else sadly with Ryan Wilder).  The story by Marguerite Bennett and drawn by Sweeney Boo still has an exceptionally cute opening with Cass/Steph.

Sadly I just don't think the payoff in the end with Wilder was worth it (as well the character hasn't been seen since this issue). Which again, is the flaw of the book. Concepts are given and taken away.

#9 was probably the best main canon story of Cass we got in the series as whole with it being both the setup to Batgirls but really it just gave us the gift of Alyssa Wong writing Cass again (first writing the character in DC: the Doom & the Damned #1).

Wong just GETS the character of Cass and it was an absolute treat just seeing Cass be Cass. Where she's allowed to be in her element and see things you wish you saw more of.

Like in this issue working with Batwoman. Yes, it would've been nice to see a story of them mending, but still seeing them teaming up is a treat into itself.

Likewise, Wong hammering the idea that Cass was fully Batgirl again as many times they could on the panel.

Put Wong's stellar writing with exceptional art by Vasco Georgiev? 

*chef's kiss* 

 But the story I think I'll be forever grateful Batman: Urban Legends giving the character of Cass was #7 aka "Hunter... or Hunted" by Guillaume Singelin.

The story is probably the best single-issue story in the entire series and one of the best stories of the entire volume (I think the only ones that could surpass it is the opening six-issue arc "Cheer" with Jason/Bruce and "Dark Knight of Soul" with Azrael.

The story is just stellar from top to bottom giving Singelin the canvas to layer a gorgeously drawn and action-packed short story that starred Cass.

It's one of the best modern Cass stories and one that I reread now and again. Just to take in Singelin's style and just the utterly breathtaking action. I'm glad DC gave him another Batgirl (Steph) in the secondary tale in DC vs. Vampires: All-Out War #1.

But man the one with Cass in #7?

So again thank you to all the creators who were in this book and thank you for the wonderful stories you gave us.

They shall not be forgotten. 🙏🙏🙏

Nor the idea of Batman: Urban Legends which I think is an idea that should be continued or carried on another day (online via DC Infinite service perhaps?)

If not then the book should be remembered for what it tried and at times did succeed at. To that...

[shinebrightlikeanarwhal]

So right now I'm on PMS right now so i've been crying and sobbing uncontrollably for HOURS having an existential crisis that triggered my low self esteem issues WHICH MEANS I had a LOOOOOT of free time with pure angst running through my brain, and as they say, idle hands are the devil's tools >:)

Soo, Imagine if Travis not only had piece of shit of a dad but also had an excuse of a mother ?

Because why choose between daddy issues and mommy issues when you can just have both??

So his mom would always dismiss and neglect him, make fun of him, y'know, doing most of the mental/emotional abuse part

Maybe she'd trash talk him w/ Keneeth in front of him (because that's the only moment she could have any kind of connection(?) w/ him since he was also a shitty husband and abused her too)

Anyways whatch this video and picture Travis in it

My poor bby come here, have a hug, a headpat and some snacks ;0;

Honestly, if this was his home life I think he’d either be a worse bully, a really good mom friend or one of the ghosts Sal can talk to and get help when dealing with Kenneth.

The mom would probably be a prim and proper lady. Hair styled, nails done, clothes ironed and always neat. A house wife like the 50s weren’t years ago and woman had more to offer than just house services and children.

She dresses everyone and, with Kenneth’s ‘input’ makes Travis match with her. Since they’re so similar in appearance. Bleached blonde hair, dull green eyes. Warm skin tones. She would present herself so nicely. Non alcoholic anti-cigarettes! Abstinence before marriage! Adultery is punishable by death! Even though Kenneth definitely is sleeping with one of the cops in the cult, she smokes and drinks and her bedroom reeks of it 24/7

Travis would be constantly berated for wearing clothes picked by his mother. He can’t even work to buy his own things. She makes him come home and help around the house. She just wants the neighborhood to think their diligent and lovely son is working hard to help around the house. He hates it so much.

He hates her cooking too. He despises the spaghetti. Her casseroles are watery. She can’t even make a sandwich without it looking like it’s fresh from the dumpster. Her meatloaf makes him throw up. He fucking hates her. His father doesn’t even eat with them. He sits at the table. Drinks. Probably smiles remembering the dinner date with whoever he’s seeing outside of the home. Berate Travis for a minor accident. Might compliment the woman that puts in effort to keep the house presumably running.

She hated Travis. Not for anything Travis did. For what Travis couldn’t do. Kenneth doesn’t love her. Doesn’t even care about her. He’s more emotional and animated with Travis. It gave her weird vibes from the start. She didn’t want to think he could be… one of those. But he always seems close to those male friends of his. He goes on business trips despite them being in different fields. He’s often returning home with a grin never fueled by her. And she hates that.

She gave Kenneth her life. Her love. Her youth. And her child. Travis was supposed to be the glue to their marriage. To make Kenneth realize his sinful, ungodly affections would save them! But instead that useless boy just cried. He cried, he was sick, he was friendly with the heathens that fawned him. Those nasty kids that weren’t even close to gods good graces. She made him remove himself from them, or mommy could be quite mean.

She wanted the fairytale marriage she was promised. The wonderful children she yearned for. It’s no help her son may be one of those disgusting THINGS like his father! Why couldn’t Travis be like that new little blue haired boy. He may be a bit strange but he was so kind and courteous. He didn’t look at her like she was nothing! He let her give gentle pats on the head or back.

Maybe Travis could even be like a character we could get alternate endings for.

Hear me out:

If Travis has to deal with the physical abuse of his dad he can lash out physically, if he has to deal with the mental abuse of his mom he can lash out verbally. But both could make him break apart.

Instead of the outwardly aggressive Travis we had he may be a mellow bully who only acts aggressive when he thinks someone will hurt him. Which can be often because of Kenneth’s connections. Travis regrettably has never known the luxury of peace.

If Sal sees her in passing she would compliment him and berate her own son for ‘not respecting her. Doesn’t talk to her. Hardly sits with her unless she makes him.’ Only to see Travis with dead eyes just boring into sals soul.

Larry and Ash may have been friends with Travis when younger. But his lash outs made them distance themselves from him and he never tried to reconcile. When Sal pries him about it Larry admits that he knew about the home life but they were just kids and couldn’t do much. Now Larry willingly and happily terrorizes Kenneth any chance he gets. Particularly with Travis around to see a rare grin.

Regrettably Travis would still be forced to wear disgustingly campy clothes picked by the assholes. He will be made to act lovely and maybe even a bit spoiled. But even the church goers can spot Travis avoiding any physical contact with his father and never looking at his mother when addressing her. Which makes no sense for him when he so graciously hugs and helps the clergy and the older people with bright smiles and warm eyes.

I 100% believe Sal would find Larry crying if the route is failed and Travis dies. Travis would probably go by his own accord or Kenneth sacrifices him. Of course this leaves his mother stranded to Kenneth’s whims and Sal can choose to help her or let her suffer.

I kinda like the idea that ghost Travis would stop Larry and Sal would accidentally walk in on their heart to heart,

[showfallsquigandiris]

/Transcript app activated/

/Turning on microphone…/

/Starting transcript/

…

Squig: Oooh! This seems like the kind of show Jasprix would be working on…

Iris: Oh yeah, you said the dude was like, big on horror.

S: I looked into it and he was quite literally raised on a horror show.

I: Hah! Sounds familiar!

[Scoff]

S: It wasn’t a horror show, it just was a horrible time. Big difference.

S: Anyways, he should be around here somewhere… he’s short but he also literally has horns and wings so, shouldn’t be that hard to spot…

Jasprix: Wings are gone now actually. Did a little experiment with Security a couple days ago. Worked great for me.

S: Oh there you are! And I see that now, I imagine your wardrobe options have vastly improved.

I: [Quietly] Oh you weren’t kidding about the short part.

J: The horns still cause an issue with wearing things, but they are much easier then the wings. I like the heart bun thing you have going on, looks good with the outfit. And the rude spider android person.

[Sharp gasp]

S: Hah yes, my options with the straps on this mask are either up-do or nothing, so I decided to have a bit of fun with it. I think it adds to the charm.

I: Wha- S-Squig, aren’t you going to defend me!

S: You really need to learn how to have inside thoughts sometimes Iris. Jasprix don’t mind her, also Jasprix, this is Iris, she’s the Head Security back at my facility.

[Tail thumping against a wall as Jasprix laughs]

J: I’m used to certain comments occasionally, though I’ve never had them said right in front of my face. I’ve also never seen a security that wasn’t just… those things over there. Pleasure to meet you Iris, you have a lovely name.

I: [Muttering] I tried to be quiet about it…

J: I have slightly better hearing then most humans.

S: Also Iris your default volume is already really loud, I don’t think i’ve ever heard you speak even close to a whisper before.

I: Alright, message received. Ahem. Nice to meet you too Jasprix, and yes, the Security around here are all quite similar, so I supposed that makes sense.

J: I like them though, they're great as threats, looking like horrifying monsters. Are you a spider android because you’re head security, or is that a normal sort of look for where you work?

I: Hah nah, I used to look boring as hell, but when you work with those 12-foot fucks every day you end up losing a lot. Decided to lean into it after a while, it’s a lot more fun don’t you think?

[Series of mechanical whirrs]

J: Yeah, that’s some cool shit you got going on there. Could jumpscare somebody if you wanted, or be the most unassuming enemy in a movie. No one would suspect it until it’s too late. Have you ever considered trying that out?

I: Hah! Yeah all the time, love doing it to pretty much every new hire we get, though obviously sometimes they can’t really react.

[Chuckling]

S: Alright, enough chit-chat, Jasprix, how’s it going with the bird hunting?

J: It’s going… I hunted him. It’s, this is going to sound mental alright, but you remember that I mentioned the gay chicken thing right?

S: Oh of course I do! Has he given up yet?

J: He hasn’t, he’s very stubborn about it, I guess. Or maybe he actually enjoyed that I did what I said and took him on a date. I’m… not actually sure what he thinks about this game anymore, but he hasn’t backed down, so neither can I

I: Ah, well if you need any tips, Boss Lady here knows a lot about not backing down from gay chicken.

S: I suppose that’s true. So, a date, that’s how you’re using your newfound freedom?

J: I mean, I’m using it for other things as well, like checking out Lostfield and seeing where stuff is in case it seems like something I could bring back here, but the date was one thing I did with it, yes.

S: Of course, of course, I was just teasing. No worries.

I: Where’d the two of you go? Me and Boss Lady ate at that “Denny’s” place last night.

J: I was considering bringing him there when I checked it out, but I can’t eat most things there. Breakfast foods don’t seem to involve a lot of meat. I found this place called Longhorn Steakhouse instead, and it smelled absolutely delightful. The food that it came from also tasted perfect.

S: Maybe we’ll have to stop by there the next time we’re in Lostfield.

I: Wait did you have access to a company card? Or did the two of you do a good ole dine and dash?

J: There are company cards?

S: Yeah, I mean unlike pretty much every other business ever, we don’t really have anyone at the top hoarding money, it just all goes back into production. We have like, mildly excessive amounts of extra. I’ll see what I can do for you.

J: That’d be very kind, especially with what you’ve already done to get me a proper place to swim and let me take visits to town. It would be nice to have money though, because we did have to run very quickly after leaving the restaurant. A difficult thing to do, when handcuffed together and the other person is a bit faster than you.

[Silence, 26 seconds]

[Loud laughter mixed with static]

S: Iris, volume. I suppose [Giggling] that was your solution to making sure your little bird couldn’t fly away?

J: [Grumbled huff] That was loud, but yes. I knew he’d run off if I took him outside, so I needed to keep him near and close with something. My other option was a dog collar and leash, but I felt like that would bring unwanted attention.

[Wheezing mixed with static]

S: In a town like Lostfield at least that certainly would. But you’d be surprised by what people ignore in big cities.

J: I think I’d have an incredibly uncooperative bird on a leash, honestly, and he’d make them pay attention. He’s very… distinct. Hard to miss, easy to notice, all that uh… The cuffs worked the best, is basically it.

S: Oh, I’m sure you’d be able to tame him eventually. But I suppose on a slightly more serious note, I am pleased to hear that you’re keeping him busy enough he’s not trying to stage any more explosions or something else that would cause lots of problems.

J: Yeah, I don't think he’s got any more plans for that. Or if something does go wrong next, it’ll probably not be because of him this time. I think there might be an issue involving the archives, but I don’t know enough about that to get too involved beyond being aware that it's company blog is having a problem.

S: Ah yes, I saw that. But when it comes to Archivists there are a lot more protocols in place to get them back in line, so I wouldn’t be too worried.

J: It is only one of the multiple having the problem I guess, after all. Anyway, do you want a tour around the set, maybe know what this show is about? Maybe itll help make this scene work and get the actor to stop fucking up her murders.

S: I think we have some more spare time before we have to head on back, what do you think Iris?

I: I’ve already checked out everything else I wanted to see in the Mall, why not.

J: Just be careful about the blood everywhere, I’m sure it must be an absolute nightmare having to clean between all that plating.

I: Ugh, you do not know the half of it.

…

/Transcript app deactivated/

/Uploading transcript…/

/Upload successful!/

[samjacksonwc]

Sidekick By Night ♜ Sam × Cass

TIMING: Recent LOCATION: Downtown, White Crest PARTIES: @samjacksonwc & @stolensiren​​ SUMMARY: Sam gets accosted by a “cosplayer” but superCass saves him. CONTENT: Cosplaying on a bad day, Sam’s vampire mommy issues, Cass being a vigilante

In White Crest, there really was no such thing as a quiet night. There were nights that were calmer than others, maybe, but no night that was straight-up relaxed. There was always something going on, always some trouble to be found. It made it a pretty good town to be a superhero in… but a pretty bad town to be just about anyone else. 

Take, for example, the scene in front of Cass now. Whatever was trying to pounce on Sam Jackson, tourism board extraordinaire, was definitely not human. It had a mouth like a leech and hair down to its feet, and it was, like, definitely trying to eat the guy. And Sam, for his part, was… offering it his wallet. Which, honestly? Wasn’t exactly ideal. He was definitely going to get eaten by a weird leech lady if Cass didn’t step in. And Cass liked Sam, so. Stepping in was pretty necessary here.

Quickly, she shoved her way onto the scene and yanked Sam back just as the leech lady pounced forward, leech mouth first. “Dude, what are you doing? You’re gonna get killed!” 

As far as quiet nights went for the town, every night was a quiet night. Well, as long as Sam was the one asked. While the rest of the Tourism Board kept out of the public eye, he was the sacrifice, the sheep the wolves of the elite offered to the rest of the sheep to be mauled and mistreated and bleated at, even though it was his job to make sure no one got hurt out of curiosity. Sure, maybe people needed to be informed about the strange goings-on, so that they could come up with their own contingencies and protection, but what they don’t know can’t hurt them, right?

“That’s…a pretty great costume,” Sam gulped, knowing full well that it wasn’t a costume. Chuckling awkwardly, he held up a hand and slowly took out his wallet, offering its lacking contents to the creature in front of him. It’s just some kid in a costume…right? “What’s that from? A new Stephen King show? Looks really good. Very, uhm, believable. I can actually smell…”

Before he could finish his thought, however, someone pulled Sam back and away from the gross, stinky costumed person. After the initial thud, and the familiar yell-y voice, he grinned at the sight of Cass. Cass was nice and she was pretty and she was a great kid. “Oh, hey, Cass! Are you also wearing a costume? Who are you supposed to be?”

A costume? He thought that was a costume? Cass could barely bite back a groan. Sam, for the short time she’d known him, had always seemed like something of an enigma to Cass. She was never quite sure if he genuinely believed that there was nothing amiss in White Crest or if he was only trying to save face, desperate to keep the wool over the town’s eyes. She liked to believe it was the latter option, and she liked to believe there were good intentions behind it, but it was so hard to be certain. There were plenty of people in White Crest who really did think it was little more than a normal town in Maine, after all. For a short while, Cass had been one of them.

All she could do, she figured, was keep whatever Sam was doing from getting him killed. She probably could have been gentler in yanking him back, but she was trying to save his life, so she figured he’d forgive her. When he said her name, she shot him a glare. “Sam, you’re gonna, like, ruin my secret identity!” She’d never been particularly good at keeping it up, of course; she told most people herself thanks to her own excitement. But that didn’t mean she wanted Sam blurting it out! 

Before she could berate him further, though, the creature — was it some kind of vampire? — pounced at them, and she was pulling the board member back again to keep his head attached to his shoulders. “That thing is trying to eat us,” she said plainly, shoving Sam away from her and trying to get the creature to focus its full attention in her direction. 

“Your secret what?” The first thought that came to Sam’s mind was that Cass was a secret agent. Like one of those white guys who traveled the world with their numerous identities and aliases, working for posh international organizations and saving the world, one chick in their arm at a time. Then he realized Cass was neither white nor a guy, and she wasn’t wearing a suit, so he realized she was playing at a superhero. Well, she does like her comic books, I guess. He let out a brief chuckle before reining himself in, realizing it was rude to laugh at people’s…things. Like when his interns laughed at his stuff. “Oh, like a superhero? Nice!”

Did White Crest need superheroes? Probably. Did the town need superheroes working outside the law? Probably not. In Sam’s head, he himself was already some sort of superhero, as he worked his butt off to make sure people weren’t harmed by their curiosity. In his head. See, most people used to run away from danger when someone told them about said danger. These days, people would run away…to get their phones so they could run back toward said danger and snap a chat or whatever kids these days call that stuff. 

“Eat us?” He raised an eyebrow, not really resisting Cass as she moved him around like he was a prop to her cosplay adventure. What are those things called again? Harping? No, larping! Yeah… Seems cool, I mean, uhh, a waste of time, yeah. Although there was a brief moment of delight in the idea, he soon remembered that Cass was like a kid or something, wasn’t she? “Whoa, whoa, whoa! I mean, you’re cute and all, but aren’t you like underaged?” Sam then turned to the kinky third person and scowled, crossing his arms at them. “Look, lady, I’m down with whatever you’re into, but let’s not involve the kid, okay? That’s, like, illegal. In most states.”

God, most people did not make themselves this hard to rescue! Most of the time, Cass came up on some scene like this one and stepped in, and the would-be victim was gone long before the fight even started. White Crest, she’d learned, was full of people who were very good at two things — denying that anything weird was going on and high-tailing it away from those weird things. Sam definitely seemed to have the first mastered. But the second? His technique could use some serious work. 

“Don’t laugh,” she snapped, a little annoyed in spite of herself. She knew it looked a little ridiculous, but she’d done some good with this gig! She’d helped a lot of people, stopped a lot of damage being done. Really, the tourism board ought to be paying her for making sure the town was, like, safe for tourists! Sam should be thanking her, not laughing at her. Or patronizing her, because that tone was totally patronizing! 

But… still sort of preferable to whatever it was he did next. Cass made a face as she saw the expression on his face shift a thousand times before he spoke again, and she shook his head quickly. “First off, ew. Second, I’m twenty-three. Third off, ew! Not any kind of eating you’d be into, you freaking weirdo! I don’t even know if this thing is a lady!” The thing in question, undeterred by their conversation, pounced forward. Cass shoved Sam in one direction and jumped back in the other, trying to make sure the thing followed her instead of him. Its long hair dragged the ground behind it as it snarled at her, rushing forward. Using a move Metzli had taught her, Cass ducked at the last moment and shot up to launch the thing over her shoulder and onto the ground. “It’s not going to stay down unless I make it stay down so, like, you should run.” 

“You’re twenty-three?!” Sam couldn’t believe what he was hearing! Sam had always thought Cass was younger, though that was probably because he’s terrible at guessing people’s ages. He really only had two categories: the ones younger than him and the ones older than him. The older ones were obvious: white hair, wrinkles, not laughing at his terrible childish jokes. 

The younger ones were harder for Sam to tell. Or more precisely, gauge their actual youthfulness. Although all of them shared the same disdain for his existence, some seemed more mature than others. In his head, the younger ones who hated him and had no patience for his dumbassery were above 18 and those he got along with were younger than 18. Cass, unfortunately, fell in the latter category in his head. “Huh. I always thought you were, like, younger.”

Sam tried to protest but at the same time agree with Cass. He, too, was disgusted. More or less. “That’s what I’m saying! I’m not into kids, and I’m really glad you’re much older than what I thought you were because that means I wasn’t actually befriending a little kid online. That’s… That would’ve been… Oof.” He barely understood what he was saying, though, so he just stood there and watched her fight the thing, even cheering her on occasionally. “Damn, girl! That was fierce! But don’t worry about me. I got…” He suddenly pulled out a gun from behind him and started pointing it at the costumed lady. “...this. Hey, ma’am, you better stop or I’ll be forced to blast you in self-defense.”

“Yes,” Cass replied, exasperation clear in her tone. Sam was focusing on all the wrong things here, really; questioning her age instead of the vampiric thing that was obviously trying to eat him, flirting with a supernatural beast instead of doing literally anything else. It was kind of frustrating, but at the same time, it was so incredibly Sam that it was kind of hard to really be annoyed. He was being himself. There was something a little touching about it, in a strange way. Maybe it was just because Cass was so rarely herself in front of anyone who she didn’t already know would accept her for it.

But it still wasn’t, like, ideal. Not in this situation, where Sam being himself might end with Sam being dead. Cass rolled her eyes as he spoke, shaking his head. “Really not the time for this conversation, buddy!” She ducked another swing from the creature, though she did find herself smiling faintly at Sam’s compliment.

And then there was a gun. She had no idea where he’d even gotten it from, only that it was absent one moment and there the next. The beast didn’t seem to care much about it, but it became the only thing Cass could focus on fairly quickly. “Uh, dude, what the hell! Do you even know how to shoot that thing?”

“Hmm, you’re right,” Sam shrugged and then stopped pointing the gun. Instead, he took a moment to stare at it, as if it was such an alien object, before putting it away. Sam does in fact know how to shoot the damned thing. He’s shot it before. A lot of times. Even started as a kid because his deadbeat dad thought it was a good idea to teach a seven-year-old how to fire a gun. Might have been right. “It’d be too loud.”

Probably sensing the stupidity in Sam’s actions, the cosplayer suddenly lunged at him, forcing him off his feet and down on the ground. “Ow!” The creature growled at him as it tried to get to his neck while Sam tried to push it off of him. “Okay, this is getting too hot to handle, and I don’t mean it that way! Lady, get off me! No one gets to ride for free!” In his head, those words sounded cool, maybe even very sexy. Not as capitalist, and in the wrong way, as they actually were.

In the confusing struggle, Sam found the opportunity to put both his hands around the damned thing’s neck, and he pushed as far as he can, digging his thumbs into her throat out of desperation. He could her the damned thing choke but not as much as he expected it, too. “See? It’s not fun for you either is it? Just get the fuck off and I won’t report you for sexual misconduct.” He would, if he was sure she wouldn’t just eat the local police. And not in a fun way. 

Cass wasn’t sure whether or not to be relieved when Sam put the gun away. On one hand, it was definitely better to avoid firing bullets in the streets, especially if Sam really didn’t know how to handle the gun. But on the other hand, Cass wasn’t sure he ought to be carrying it at all. She’d never really cared for guns. And the fact that his reasoning for not firing it was just the sound wasn’t, like, great. But the gun was away, and that was the important thing.

Well, that and the vampire monster. The vampire monster was pretty important, too. As if to prove that it was, in fact, still a threat, the thing turned its attention from Cass back to Sam, who might have been the easier target now that he was unarmed. It jumped for him, trying to get its teeth into his neck while he continued to seemingly misunderstand the situation, and Cass felt… overwhelmed, to say the least. She wasn’t entirely sure how to proceed, wasn’t sure how to move forward.

Sam, at least, wasn’t totally helpless. He wrapped his hands around the thing’s neck and, to Cass’s surprise, it wasn’t entirely ineffective. Whatever this thing was, it wasn’t exactly like a vampire. There were ways to incapacitate it that didn’t involve a wooden stake. Armed with the new knowledge, Cass ran for the thing, tackling it off Sam and hitting it as hard as she could in the head.

How many times has Sam found himself on his back, mounted by some strange person-monster-thing that wanted to take him out for good? If he remembered correctly, he’s actually met a lot of White Crest’s stranger denizens on his back, with them either trying to kill him or saving him. He was glad that Cass seemed to be on the latter category, though he did have a brief moment of stupidity when he made a joke in his head about her being on the other category. Not an appropriate time, sure, but would being appropriate be appropriate when he was about to die?

Fortunately for him, though, Cass extended his remaining time on God’s green Earth by kicking the living, or, well, unliving shit out of the monster-woman-thing, forcing it to get the hell off of him. Sam instinctively crawled away, far from where the cosplayer-monster had been punted to, so he could get back on his feet as soon as he could. That actually put him right behind Cass, where she had the great experience of hearing him scream in her ear with how close he was. “Quick! Kill her! Kill her with your spider webs or something!”

Cass turned to glance at Sam, trying to make sure he was all right even as she fumbled with the thing that had been attacking him. He seemed to be in one piece — certainly well enough to scream in her ear. The sound was so unexpected that it startled her, giving the creature beneath her time to snag the upper hand and throw her back. She landed on the sidewalk with a yelp, the air forced from her lungs with the impact.

“I don’t — have — spider webs,” she grunted, scrambling to her feet just in time to avoid the snapping of the creature’s teeth. It had knocked her next to a dumpster, and she took a moment to be glad that she’d avoided hitting the metal structure when she’d landed. Concrete wasn’t soft, but it was definitely better than that. Less smelly, too. Scrambling back, she looked down beside the dumpster in hopes that she might find something to use against the creature. She doubted enthralling it would work, after all. There was a broken bottle at her feet and that, she figured, was a lot better than nothing. “Sam! Grab that bottle and hand it to me. I’m a little busy trying not to get eaten here.” 

No spider webs?! Sam almost looked offended. What kind of superhero doesn’t have spider webs? If he could think clearly, then maybe he would have found the answer in plain sight: A lot of them actually. Instead, Sam just stared at Cass with his mouth open, a scowl on his face. Maybe he should just shoot the damn thing. Or maybe he didn’t want to go to jail just in case he was wrong and it was just some non-sober civilian on a trip. Either way, it was probably best to let Cass do all the work. She wasn’t even underaged.

At Cass’ directive, Sam immediately looked around for whatever bottle she wanted him to go get her. It didn’t take him that long to find, so he immediately went for it. Unfortunately for him, in his panic, his foot accidentally got to it first, unintentionally kicking it far away. Shit. He tried to go for it again, and again, his foot kicked it away. What the hell?! On his third try, he threw himself at the bottle, managed to get it in his arms after a few seconds of fumbling for it, and instinctively threw it at Cass without even checking if she was ready to catch it. “Here! Catch!”

Sam looked at her like she’d grown a second head, and Cass took a moment to marvel at the fact that he found her not having spider webs to be odd but could easily rationalize a monster trying to eat him as a pickpocket or someone in want of a hookup. He really was a weird guy. Right now, she decided, he was a weird guy who was really lucky she liked him and didn’t want him to get eaten. Otherwise, she’d totally leave him behind. (She pretended there was any world where that was true but, of course, she knew that wasn’t the case.)

But he wasn’t exactly making this easier. Usually, when she teamed up with someone on one of these patrols, they were helpful. Sam was kind of the opposite. Cass groaned as he kicked the bottle away, unable to watch him fumble for it due to her attention being primarily focused on not getting eaten. Because of this, she also wasn’t ready for him to throw the thing. “Are you serious?” She yelled as the bottle sailed through the air, shoving the beast back in an attempt to catch the weapon. Instead, she inadvertently shoved the monster into the path of the flying projectile. The sharp broken ends of the bottle struck the beast in the back of the neck, sinking in deep. The monster let out a shrill screech, fumbling for a moment before falling. Cass gaped at it. “Okay,” she muttered, “I guess that works, too.” Then, a little louder so Sam could hear, “For the record, you’re, like, the worst sidekick ever.” 

“What do you mean?!” Sam loudly gasped in shock, as if offended that the truth was thrown in his face. Plenty of things have been thrown in Sam’s face, but none felt more offensive to him than the truth of that very moment. Of course, water and most other liquids were easily wiped off and bruises from solid objects were a good excuse to see that hot doctor at the hospital, but the truth? The truth was harder to face, even swallow. “I literally just saved your life.”

“Didn’t you see me kill that monster with one throw? I’m like a sniper with those bottles. If this was the NBA, I’d be, like, I don’t know, that Shaq guy. Three-pointers all day!” Sam even made an awkward attempt to air-shoot an air-ball, very much like an air-guitar in that it was very, what the kids call, cringe. Misuse of the word ‘literally’ and obvious ignorance of the NBA and basketball in general, Sam was about to make another terrible mistake: After checking out the corpse of his attacker, and grossing himself out, he took out his phone and started to call the local police department. Worst sidekick ever. “Let me just call the cops so we can get this criminal out of here and you can buy me dinner as a thank you.”

“You’re the whole reason I needed saving!” Cass shot back, clearly frustrated. Levi would have never been this tragic as a sidekick! She was starting to miss her usual partners in crime. Still… she was glad she’d happened by. Sam definitely would have been toast without her and, as terrible a sidekick as he might have been, Cass definitely didn’t want anything to happen to him.

She sighed as he dramatically recounted his heroics, definitely exaggerating just a little bit. “You did good, Sam,” she relented. “Now I think you just need to work on, like, everything leading up to that part.” At least he was trying. When he took out his phone, though, Cass snatched it away. “We can’t call the cops on a monster, dummy. Especially not one you just killed with a bottle. They’ll put you in jail. I’ll text my friend. They’ll know how to get rid of it.” Metzli would take care of the monster’s remains without question, and maybe even tell Cass what it was, too. “But you’re definitely buying me dinner. Come on.”

[redlightofdawn]

Daemon gets the strap 1/? (fic under the cut)

I have no excuse for this. I am trash.

HotD - Daemon/Rhaenyra (Explicit, but this part is mostly banter and negotiation)

Pegging, cockcages, femdom, erectile dysfunction, first time bottom

Summary: Daemon has an uncooperative penis but Rhaenyra knows quite a few ways around that, and is more than willing to teach him.

-

Daemon drank sloppily from his cup, restraining himself by a hair from throwing it once it turned empty.

He had disappointed his new lady wife enough for the evening, he thought bitterly.

It wasn't, unfortunately, a new occurrence. He'd had lovers who'd been good about it - Laena, Mysaria - and those who had been cunts about it - notably Rhea and, less importantly, an assortment of paid companies who had come off worst for it.

But the fact did not change that his mind could be willing, but his flesh often would not.

He shouldn't be surprised Rhaenyra had come looking for him, once she quietly slipped into his chamber, but he shouldn't have. Not many men dared face Daemon when he was in a mood, but Rhaenyra had always been braver than a whole pile of so-called brave men.

"Are you calmer, my husband?" Rhaenyra asked, as if she could not see the wine staining his clothes nor the many other signs of his internal turmoil.

"Much, dear wife," Daemon said, with false cheer. "Though I am afraid no consummation will be had tonight."

Rhaenyra was a woman grown. She had been wed - a sham, but one who produced a good amount of children, regardless of who had fathered them. His admission should be enough for her to understand - might have heard rumors about him before, in fact.

But Rhaenyra rolled her eyes as she had when younger and brasher, and dismissed his bitter words with a wave of her hand.

"There is time for that," she said, imperiously, surprising him. "I had plans to present it to you at a later time, but as the situation has created itself, I might as well. Come, I have a gift for you," she extended her hand in offering, hanging in the air as a chance. "If you trust me, that is?"

He shouldn't. Rhaenyra had been intriguing since she should have been far too young to be so. The fire she had mentioned burned inside all Targaeryans, yes, but beyond - she was a force of chaos and determination, and the years apart had only solidified in his mind that she had become an equally woe-inducing woman.

But he had learned, with Laena. That there were riches that could only be paid for in vulnerability.

He took Rhaenyra's hand.

"Show me."

*

"I hardly think this will help the issue," Daemon said rather crossly as he watched what Rhaenyra was doing between his legs, but didn't push her away or move in any manner that would interfere with the precise loops and knots she was forming.

"It is not meant to," his infuriating, intoxicating niece said, and he made himself hold back threatening anger. He knew Rhaenyra and she always had a plan. "It is meant to teach you that enjoyment can be had regardless."

Always a plan, indeed.

"I fail to see how." His testicles and shaft, upsettingly soft despite Rhaenyra's handling, were constricted inside the most devious apparatus, constructed out of several thin, leather straps and a metallic portion.

A cage, more specifically. Designed to keep him from becoming intumescent and erect, from what he could understand. It would make touching the sensitive spots around the head impossible and also seemed to put his testicles in a particularly exposed and precarious situation.

Despite himself, he was intrigued.

"That… toy," she smirked around the word, and a shiver ran up Daemon's spine, "can be played with in many ways. Tonight, I thought we might pair it with another favorite of mine."

"Well, where is it?" Daemon asked impatiently when she did not move to procure such an object.

She simply smiled back and moved to rummage inside a medium jewelry box that had been conspicuously left atop the mantel.

"The fire helps keep it at a nice temperature," she said, conversationally. Daemon could only see her back, her body blocking whatever she was doing with the box, but it was quite clear when she undid her robes and let them drop to the floor, without turning around.

She was mostly naked underneath, long silver hair loose in beautiful, pearly waves, but he would see a series of leather straps around her hips and thighs, though at first he could not make out its function.

It became quite clear once Rhaenyra turned around, however.

"It has a silver core, but is covered in layers of silk, wool, and, finally, bound in calfskin. I am told it is quite a good imitation of the real thing."

Though Daemon couldn't say that, in his experience, the real thing tended to be quite that big. Though his own personal experience wasn't as vast as it could have been - not as vast such as, for instance, Laenor’s.

Who, Daemon had a feeling, might have had something to do with his current wife owning an attachable member, nevermind its awe-inducing shape and.. size.

"You taught me about the pleasure to be had in lovemaking once, uncle," she said in Valeryan as she approached the bed, stalking like Daemon was prey, the phallus between her legs bobbing in a mesmerizing way with each step. "Now let me teach you."

"What exactly do you intend to do with that?"

“Your cock is not your only place of pleasure, though most men seem to neglect this." That at least confirmed Daemon’s suspicions - he’d heard of such things, but never been intrigued enough to inquire further.

"And what is in it for you?"

"I enjoy the sight," she admitted, with a leer. Then, she placed her right foot atop the bed, spreading her legs and showing where the base of the phallus continued inside of her. "Though I am not entirely selfless in this act. It brings me plenty of pleasure, believe me."

"Have you ever used it upon yourself?"

Rhaenyra seemed intrigued with the idea.

"I have not, in fact. Perhaps you might join me in that experience in the future."

Daemon imagined himself wearing the apparatus, an unbendable, ever-hard, unfailable cock.

He had done less intriguing things, he had to admit.

And he had had experience stuffing a lover both ways at the same time, something that seemed to always be good fun all around. Usually it was done with three people, but two would be more than enough with such a ‘toy’, as Rhaenyra had called it.

“Then make me a deal, wife,” Daemon said, and wasn’t it strange to use such a word as endearment - Laena hadn’t been partial to it, choosing to define herself as apart from Daemon, something he had respected. But Rhaenyra shivered in pleasure when he uttered the word, and it had the effect of making him rather partial to it. “You’ll get a turn now, but I will have mine later.”

“One could say you are about to take a turn,” she said, coming to sit atop Daemon’s lap, her hands coming to rest on his shoulders. “But sure, I will take your deal. A fair exchange.” And that infuriating smile was back, and wasn’t Daemon lucky she hadn’t known how to smile like that when she was younger.

[casliveblog]

Custom Toonami Block Week 150 Rundown

Spy X Family: So yeah contrary to my theory from last time there really WAS a political rival trying to make the Desmond kids fail but it’s just a little kid buying a discount Spy from the Spy equivalent of Wish dot com, still feel like we should foreshadow stuff like that instead of bringing it up after the fact but okay. But yeah this kid looks like one of the Addams Family had a kid with one of The Oblongs and they made this weird off-model goth child. Though surprisingly enough they don’t go for the ‘he keeps trying lame attempts to get Damian expelled’ like the sabotage gets revealed pretty early thanks to Anya and Damian is way cooler to this kid for trying to get him expelled than he is to Anya for… being short. But yeah we have a pretty big swerve from a plotting hijinks plot to a Max Keeble’s Big Move plot where this kid is trying to do everything he ever wanted before he’s forced to leave the school because his family’s company was bought out, he starts out just taking advantage of the situation but genuinely starts enjoying himself when Anya genuinely comforts him about his fears and the punch line for all this should be ridiculously obvious for how they spread this joke over ten minutes but turns out his family’s only gonna be like 10% less rich and effectively nothing will change for him. The second plot is about Yor parkouring her way into Anya’s school after she believes Anya forgot her gym clothes, it’s pretty damn funny how Yor always jumps to the most extreme conclusion and thus takes the most extreme actions and the obvious punchline for this one isn’t as dragged out as the other so that’s cool, plus it ends with her and Loid going on a lunch date so that’s pretty nice, like they kinda skip over Loid explaining to Yor WHY she’s not a bad mother but I assume they discuss it at lunch so it’s fine.

Inuyasha: Naraku’s Baby-heart has just kinda nestled in at a new castle town where all the attendants died while the Lady was going into labor and the Lady’s just like ‘man that baby is sus and everyone died’ but the Lord’s just like ‘oh shit, free baby’ and assumes it’s his wife despite it being perfectly albino and them being generic feudal dudes, like even the Lady is like ‘I’m not sure that’s mine and there was a ghost girl with a mirror that was standing over me while I was giving birth but I’m sure it’s fine…’ I mean technically Kanna didn’t even need to keep the mom alive but Baby!Naraku does like snuggling some titties I guess so it’s okay, but like did they… kill the real baby she was having? Like Naraku’s up to some dark shit but that’s pretty dark for a shonen from the 90s. Anyway Kagome’s here to save Kikyo and her Shikikami are like ‘do you wanna save her?’ and Kagome’s like ‘is there literally any downside to doing so?’ and they say no so she’s like ‘well duh’ because Kagome’s character is literally built around always wanting to help people. I like to think that since the two kids are Kikyo’s Shikikami they’re projecting Kikyo’s self-esteem issues onto Kagome and asking here that like she may just want to let her die but Kagome’s a good girl so of course she will. I think the filler episode with Kikyo and Kagome in the cave kinda came and ate this one’s lunch because we’ve already had the ‘Kagome has complicated feelings about Kikyo but doesn’t want her to literally die’ moral and it always felt weird to retread it here even if this one is the canon version. Kagome dives in to save Kikyo and gets the abridged version of the two part special from a few weeks ago and gets to do her Rifftracks of ‘No Kikyo don’t go in there that’s where the demon spider is’ which is kinda funny but yeah, Kikyo gets saved and talks to Kagome again about why she saved her when all she’s ever been to her is a romantic rival and a cold-hearted zombie girl stringing along her boyfriend and Kagome’s so dense she doesn’t even get that letting her rival die was an option until after Kikyo leaves, like I hesitate to call Kagome ‘pure-hearted’ like they said when she was having her confrontation with the Baby but she’s a good girl and isn’t going to even think of doing something like that. Now we get our post-Kikyo ‘Kagome’s kinda snippy for a while and Inuyasha doesn’t know how to deal with it’ but it does get a nice resolution with Inuyasha saying he trusts Kagome that she saved Kikyo and her being alive and fine is enough for right now and he doesn’t need to see her right away because Kagome did a good job saving her and they have shit to do.

Yu Yu Hakusho: This one’s kind of a ‘Yusuke mopes around’ episode because Raizen’s three messengers give him a week to get his affairs in order and of course he waits till the last fucking day to tell anybody. Meanwhile Hiei and Kurama have become big enough demon world celebrities that they get offers from the other two Demon Kings and they both agree to each other to not actually serve their respective kings but kinda go undercover and see what they can find out, though Hiei also gives his usual ‘maybe this is the time I betray you for real’ shtick even though at this point we know it never is. Also Kuwabara’s getting ready to face the greatest Demon King of all… high school entrance exams (Always really found it fucking weird how Japan breaks up high school but I guess in the end it’s just adding one year to middle school and cutting one from High School it just always threw me off when anime characters are like ‘yeah I’m 15 in middle school). But yeah, Yusuke does finally tell Keiko that he’s going and he won’t know if he can get back and she tells him she’s sick of his shit and isn’t going to wait around for him even though she probably couldn’t help doing so anyway. Yusuke comes by her family diner and gives her a better proposal, literally, he says he’s gonna use all his shonen protagonist determination to find a way to get back before he’s 18 and he’s going to marry her, which is apparently something he used to say all the time as a kid, guess Yusuke wasn’t always a closed-off as he was at the start of the series, at least around Keiko but yeah it’s really cute and he reassures her everything will be alright and gets ready to head out.

Jujutsu Kaisen: So Megumi, Riceball Boy and Blind Dude are fighting Hanami, well sort of, they’re basically trying for a stunlock loop to run away enough to go get help and it works until Riceball Boy runs out of words to shout but Maki’s here to help so she and Megumi fight Hanami off for a bit and more importantly knock her into the forest, just when it looks like she has them dead to rights with her Kurama death seeds, Yuji gets his first Shonen Protagnist post-training badass entrance and storms in with Todo, a classic. Todo gets Panda to get the others to safety and tells Yuji he ain’t gonna do shit until he sees Yuji do the new thing they talk about. So yeah Yuji gets a new punch which I can only describe as kinda like Hit’s Time Skip punch mixed with Kakashi’s Kamui distortion but also a punch, idk if I’m just having a hard time wrapping my head around the power system or if the fast pace of the anime is bad at explaining them but I don’t quite understand the full extent of some of these, but point being Yuji has a new punch and it’s a black punch so it’s automatically better than all other color punches. So yeah now that Yuji can do a thing Todo joins in and they have the weird symmetrical choreography of those High School Musical kids that can break out in dance at a moment’s notice and do some fucking up of Hanami who unleashes her second arm because no one in Shonent Anime who has an eye/appendage covered is actually injured they’re all just hiding badass shit they have on their body parts. She remembers Mahito telling her about how violence is part of a Cursed Spirit’s base nature despite how Hanami acts like a rational version of Captain Planet and she agrees that fighting people with both arms and being matched blow for blow makes her enjoy fighting. Also Todo’s gonna do his secret thing now so that’s cool.

Zom 100: Reflecting on his decision to follow his childhood dream last episode Akira decides to… become a superhero, I mean okay, guess ‘find what you wanted to do before capitalism shoved you down a money pipeline’ is kind of hard so you’re probably gonna have to go back to when you’re like six to actually get there, though the end result is pretty cool. They get a jumpsuit from the aquarium that is meant to resist shark attacks so while Akira’s wearing it it’s basically impossible for zombie bites to infect him (though it still hurts like hell). I kinda really like this idea because we run into our Risk Analyst Shizuka again and it shows how Akira with his out of the box deranged thinking came up with something safer than her boneheaded plan of getting on the teacher’s bus from Highschool of the Dead was. That being said she’s still tsundere as hell and pulls the ‘you’re just being a hero for the satisfaction of it’ card like that isn’t how good deeds universally work anyway. Like this is probably the safest Akira could be but the marginal risk he’s putting Kencho in still pisses her off despite her goal-oriented thought process not analyzing her idea of getting on a bus with the worst group of zombie survivors properly. Anyway the plot dumps a zombie shark with scuba diver spider legs on the situation and that goes about as well as you’d expect. I think what’s going on is that the shark ate zombies and the zombies ate the shark from the inside and also just so happen to have symmetrical leg holes and be working in unison with the shark despite not being able to see from inside but best not to think about it too hard. Shizuka gets thrown under the bus by one of said bus-riders and Akira has to help her out and we run through the whole ‘live versus survive’ debate again but both of them team up to electrocute the shark with flashlight batteries while Akira’s standing in water which I’m pretty sure would kill him too or not work at all but really fight a stupid problem with a stupid solution so it’s fine, Kencho’s ass even gets to help out and while Shizuka doesn’t officially join the party she at least concedes that working with a small task force is better than throwing in with any randos who own a bus and she and Akira make a pretty good team so they exchange phone numbers. Meanwhile Akira sets his next goal, to see his family who are in a rural town around where the safe zone is supposed to be, so that’ll be fun.

Ranking of Kings: We start off with Ouken stabbing right through Kage after he swallowed him which I feel like should’ve been the cliffhanger last time instead of putting weight on if Kage had some weird man-eating transformation or something. Daida!Bosse finishes telling Snake Guy the story of Miranjo’s horrible backstory and the long and the short of it is she got her hands cut off and her face flayed open like how Daida found her in the sunken place and Bosse got her fixed up but that damage was never undone and he blames himself for never being able to help her soul heal. Now Ouken has everyone dead to rights and stabs Bojji for good measure, though surprisingly Miranjo leaves her mirror and possesses one of the unconscious prisoners to heal Kage. Despa grabs her arm and is touching Bojji at the same time so they both get to watch Kage about to cross over to see his dead mom again before Miranjo reminds him of Bojji and he comes back to life. He says he shouldn’t thank her because it’s her fault she let a Dark Souls Man into the kingdom and got him stabbed but he thanks her anyway and the combination of events causes Miranjo’s wounded avatar in Daida’s body to disappear, showing those wounds in her soul and her resentment is finally starting to evaporate. Meanwhile the Big Four show up to fight Ouken and Snake Guy, Sword Guy, Shield Guy and Spear Guy all work as a team as they were presumably intended to before all the dark souls mirror Get Out bodysnatching shenanigans happened, it kind reminds me of the Furious Five vs Tai-Lung fight in Kung Fu Panda because like you know they’re gonna lose but the teamwork is cool to see. Still oddly enough Ouken is able to remember Despa’s lessons and turn the tables on them, so I guess there is part of his soul still in there after all, idk if this means he’s starting to heal too or what, still it’s a good time.

Vinland Saga: Thorfinn wakes up from his post-flight nap and finds his arms bending the wrong fucking way so Thorkell tells him a story about Thors while Askeladd sets his arm and they wait for his ears to stop ringing. So Thorkell’s Thorfinn’s mom’s uncle and as we know Thors was really good at killing people until one day he’s like ‘man I don’t wanna kill people anymore’ and fakes his own death. Apparently three months after that, Thorkell’s bumming around Thors’ house in a battleboner-induced state of depression and finds Thors and Helga and baby Ylva sneaking into the house to get some of their shit I guess before going to Iceland. Thorkell tries to convince him to come a’murdering again but Thors shuts him down and kinda doesn’t explain his new pacifist lifestyle very well and instead makes it sound like he just doesn’t think Thorkell’s hot shit and beats him down bare-handed. Meanwhile Askeladd tries being the Doc Louis to Thorfinn’s Little Mac and tells him how to beat Thorkell based on how he saw him downed in a big battle previously. So they go for round two and Thorfinn’s down an arm and in a lot of pain but thanks to some help from Askeladd he manages to land a hit to Thorkell’s jaw which if you know anything about fighting pretty much scrambles anyone’s brain for a few seconds (kinda accurate to the Little Mac analogy too) and disregarding all Askeladd’s advice to think before he fights, Thorfinn just jumps Thorkell’s body and jams his eye out with his bare hand. His men at this point are like ‘oh shit wait Thorkell wasn’t supposed to lose’ and jump Thorfinn to kill him anyway, luckily Thorkell’s a more honorable man than Askeladd is and is actually willing to honor the duel, though his men aren’t having it and still want Thorfinn dead. I mean yeah Thorkell’s men kinda interfered but so did Askeladd and Thorfinn was unconscious for a minute too so at this point they have one assist and one brief nap each so I’d make them as tied but Thorkell’s had enough and concedes defeat so it’s up to him I guess. Meanwhile Canute shows up and is just like ‘Yo my dad never loved me and I don’t fear death so I’mma go kill him so either kill me or get out of my fucking way’ and this new show of ballsiness does impress Thorkell and even Askeladd admits he killed Ragnar and offers his life to Canute which Canute takes and the whole team joins the party to go kill the king, awesome. It’s kind of funny like that whole shakeup, we find out Bjorn’s alive, the two brother guys are alive (though the one is in shock and may have amnesia) Priest dude’s alive, Askeladd’s alive, basically all the named characters are still alive and we just traded Askeladd’s mooks for Thorkell’s mooks, except… The Ear I guess? Was anyone’s favorite character The Ear? If so rip I guess but yeah for how earth-shattering that conflict was surprisingly little has changed as far as party structure goes.

[josiebelladonna]

happy birthday, green druidess.

i hope today is good, because... oh, boy, is it a good day for me.

in fact, this is the first january in years that’s been genuinely kind to me! been making tons of art and planning stuff for my fics, planning on moving house sometime this year...

i’m writing all of this as thunder and lightning is rolling through my area. if you don’t mind, i’m going to turn into nikolai tesla here for a second. or robert oppenheimer. electricity is everywhere, and if you’re not careful, it can burn you and vaporize you, sweetheart.

now hold onto me, pretty baby, if you wanna fly. i’m gonna melt the fever, sugar, rolling back your eyes.

*lights up a bong*

are y’all with me now?

her: “hey, how come you never have anything nice to say about me?”

she asks, completely oblivious to the fact that i was never a serious critic, but someone with a sense of humor and i had every right to stand up for myself.

want me to say something nice about her?

she knows how to appeal to people.

there. happy? am i even being serious right now?

who knows, and who cares. besides, her and her army of nimrods have something new to bicker about when using my name in junction again.

*alex skolnick, eric peterson, joey belladonna, and rob cavestany have entered the chat*

*receives, but whatever. and...

pfffff, what?

“Or maybe it was the ice cream man.”

i shouldn’t have laughed as hard as i did at that, but i did, anyway. god.

man, and i thought i had awkward syntax. there’s a lot. trust me: from how state of euphoria sits in my mind, she’s known for her awkward sentences, among other things. such that even the teachers of the most entry-level, special ed. english classes would hit the roof.

...edgy strawberry shortcake? but, you know, if it exists, there’s an edgy version of it. it’s like an offshoot of rule 34 (if it exists, there’s porn of it). by the way, “seafoam”. back up, i thought you weren’t an artist.

u mad, bro? also, paranoia is not a good look for you, liz. trust me.

ahahahahahahahahaha *fart*

oh, yeah, that’s... that’s real important. thx for that really important info. you know, there’s building tension and then there’s farting around like this, and you, my dear, fart more than i do (and i have digestive issues so that’s saying something)

in all seriousness, though, she has gotten bad with the filler lately, like... how many times can you show me this. how many more times can you show me this.

“i rubbed my chiny-chin-chin and said, ‘my, my, my, what sort of this thing might this lady get high upon?’ i checked out her sister who was holding the bed, and i wondered what sort of thing the young lady was on.”

“snap yo’ fingers, snap yo’ neck!”

i haven’t heard about strippers wearing thongs in like... what, 15+ years? britney spears and paris hilton even stopped wearing them even in the era of low-rise jeans, they’re so uncomfortable and so gross, too, like there’s nothing sexy about having a string between your ass cheeks and your coochie.

“slid off the bed” made me think of homer simpson sliding off the bed and sneaking out in the middle of the night with bart to scour the barrels of booze in the prohibition episode (there’s a bit in the second part of this fic where vince acts like bart reading notes from his palm 😂)

firm tits? if she’s got firm tits, she’s probably got cancer, bro. or she has pcos, just gave birth, or she’s the three-breasted martian from total recall, like it’s not natural to have rock-hard boobs and a soft body, especially in that situation.

“so i pulled on her hair, got her legs in the air, and asked if she had any cooties in there. ‘what do you mean, cooties? no cooties on me!’ she was buns up, kneeling. i was wheelin’ and dealin’, she surrendered to the feelin’, and she started with the squealin’. dyna-moe watched from the edge of the bed, with her upper lip twitching and her face gone red, some drool rolling down from the edge of her chin, while she spied the condition her sister was in.”

...this is the woman who made fun of me in 2020 for writing the word “butt” in an otherwise erotic fic. the same one.

good god.

did you have a stroke and lose your sense of hearing, nick? she’s obviously in pain. knock that shit off.

“melted water and her juices”

man alive, that conjures an image.

also, why am i under the impression that she sat down with eclipse open in another tab whilst writing, specifically to angel’s trumpet and summer in the city, and wrote this alongside those chapters, like this whole time i’m just thinking of vampire!alex and his icy cold body... but minus his sensuality and sweetness, and made a lot more disgusting. and it’s kinda creepy, too, like at least i try to make people look like they’re having a good time in my erotica. i also didn’t screenshot it, but there’s a line in here where nick says “i’d like to lick something” and i was almost immediately reminded of magic stick.

after everything, she is still ripping me off, and badly this time around no less: the first time was actually kind of innocuous in comparison to this, like this is borderline psychopathic behavior.

and it’s so ironic, too. everything i do is all supposed to be fun. you gently rib at someone because you like them. has she or anyone who supports her never heard of “dramatic readings” or “drunk readings”? or watched a bad movie and made wise cracks all the way through? if my mental breakdown after all this went down in summer 2020 wasn’t enough proof for you, i don’t know what to tell you.

really, i can forgive spelling errors and awkward sentences and unintentional hilarity, i really can (there’s a trope for that, too, it’s called “so bad, it’s good”), but if you still insist on doing the nefarious behavior i initially called you out on?

she’s insane. she is completely and totally out of her goddamn mind.

and she looks at me and tells me to get over it? that’s justifying your own horrible behavior in hopes to make me submit. there’s a word for that, too. you may have heard of it, you may have seen her use it, too. it’s called “bullying”. look at it this way: if someone hits you and you’re crying, and they tell you to get over it, it’s abuse. bonus points if they’re like “i didn’t do it!” (given bullying is a form of abuse).

when i posted the apple shed back on the 9th, it had pure intentions. sure, when i posted dead man walking, it had the intent of standing up for myself. but that was it, though: i was standing up for myself while writing something that i had wanted to write for a long time, so two birds with one stone there. when she starts something in response to fics like those, it’s solely to cover her ass, never to contribute to fandom. i promise i’m not trying to be like one of the cool kids, either. so, i don’t know what her logic is because i’m not trying to prove anything. i stopped caring about popularity a long time ago. i grew up in nevada and california: we don’t give a shit if we’re popular or not. it’s nice when it happens, but we don’t expect it.

coming from her, she may as well be telling us we’re all fools. really, this is erotic? this is unpleasant, even for her (and i’ve avoided her like the ‘rona). a little pain goes a long way, but this left me genuinely uncomfortable. in fact, this happens a lot in her so-called erotic writings. and like, you can’t cover it up with “don’t like, don’t read”, either, because it’s all at the expense of growing and changing.

it’s like she tries way too hard to be sexy and winds up writing some of the most “cannot... unsee” things i’ve ever read. i feel like i’ve actually grown as a writer since i joined ao3. i can tell right away that she hasn’t, not one bit (and she’s been on there longer than i have, too).

in fact, she’s actually the reason why i’m so picky about reading things that are erotic: i don’t ever mean to shame anyone for what turns them on, that’s never my intention. i’ve been shamed for my sexual feelings pretty much my entire life, so you couldn’t pay me enough money to shame someone for their preferences and their kinks, but way too often, i’ll read something that’s kinda hot, kinda sensual, and then something will happen that’s off-putting and it’s immediately gross, or it’s unintentionally funny. i don’t blame you for it one bit, though: writing is hard, and erotic writing is even harder (no pun intended). you want proof? it took me almost four years to overcome my hang-ups on my own kinks and be comfortable enough to write about them, and yet, i still have a long way to go. i still feel guilt and shame with what gets me going, and though my art is about what i like and who i like, i still am reluctant to talk about my crushes and my sexuality. it’s a continuous process.

what i don’t understand is... what the hell makes her so special? her writing is not sexy. at all. and i’ve given myself shit for being unsexy multiple times in the past. but i don’t think i’ve ever written anything that’s uncomfortable, disturbing, and stomach-churning at worst, and unintentionally funny at best like with her. (and that’s not even touching the plagiarism aspect, either).

there’s someone who comes to mind now that i write this out and really put the pieces together. so many of you are too young to remember tila tequila: i was 12 when she was the queen of myspace and i barely had a finger in the world of music then. if i was too young to remember tila, i know you all are. but i recommend you read about her. i can’t really explain it, but i keep seeing this weirdly similar arc between these two women: overly sexual to the point it’s obnoxious and squicky, loud and boisterous, big ego, went nuts after a traumatic event (in tila’s case, it was losing her girlfriend and then od’ing on pills during an aneurysm; in the green druidess’ case, it was losing her grandmother and then the rendezvous with me in quarantine). if she starts whipping out the prejudices and really problematic behavior, don’t say i didn’t try to warn you.

“you hurt my feelings” i thought people got sick of this trope like... six years ago. sick of the trope. six years ago. nikki sixx. seems kinda weird…

it’s like watching two people have sex with rubber gloves and soapy water.

okay, i want y’all to take a shot every time she writes the word “butt” from now on. i actually came up with a few drinking games with her. for example, take a shot every time someone “hums” during an intercourse scene. take a shot every time she uses a flowery synonym for red hair. take a shot every time there’s a sex scene and you’re more grossed out than turned on.

again, this is the “hot, erotic romance” that readers of bandfic want in 2022/2023? this is torture. like... dude. have you tried just talking to her? why do you insist on spinning in circles every which way: this shit is hard to watch.

this is the scene from tiny bubbles:

Alex didn’t hesitate to take off his jeans right there in the front part of the apartment: he swiped the cordless phone from the kitchen in the instance of someone calling him in the meantime, and he ambled across the carpet to the hallway. He stepped into that large, spacious bathroom and already began to feel completely at ease. The white tile that made up the floor felt like cold stones on the very bottoms of his feet; the white and gray marble on the countertop next to him shimmered and twinkled under the soft light that filtered through the window over the bathtub before him. He peeled off his shirt and lay it on the counter next to him and the edge of the sink. He stood right next to the toilet for a second with his eye on the big silvery shower head on the wall over his head.

A shower wouldn’t suffice. Too quick, especially for his tense muscles in his back and in his legs. He glanced down at the big bathtub before him, the big pearly white tub that provided enough for him to lay down flat on his back.

That would do the trick. He took the bath mat off of the rim of the tub and lay it on the tiles right next to the tub, and then he reached over to the dials on the wall and switched on the water. A bit too cold at first and then he turned the hot dial a bit. He then reached behind him to the cabinets under the sink for the bottle of bubble bath: what was a boy who wanted to relax without soft-smelling tiny bubbles. Down on one knee, he unscrewed the lid from the top and poured in a slender little trickle of that deep blue liquid in: he watched it bleed through the water for a moment, and then he reached down and stirred the water with a shake of his hand so the bubbles would flurry up and collect throughout the water. He put the bubble bath back into the cabinet and he watched the bubbles form and pile upon themselves.

Every so often, he reached down for a stir of the water with his hands so those little stacks of tiny bubbles collected and formed upon themselves even more.

Once the water reached a certain level on the bathtub, he switched off the water, and then he peeled his underwear off and he let it fall onto the bath mat, around his feet. He ran his hand down his stomach before he stuck one foot into the water: nice and warm, almost perfect. It was a bit colder than he usually liked, but the tub had enough water in it already; he set the other foot into the water next, and then he took his seat on the floor of the tub. He leaned back against the wall opposite to the faucet and stretched out his long, lanky legs to where his feet reached the faucet. Though he remained close to the wall on the left, there was plenty of room in that tub for two people.

it’s directly from tiny bubbles. she still has not gotten tired of this. as i said, it’s like she had eclipse open in one tab and used it as a base. it’s like when you’re taking notes from a textbook and you paraphrase as “best” as you can... “best” in that it’s actually not coming from you.

god, where’s miss rocco, my english teacher in junior year of high school. that woman had eyes like a hawk: she knew if you plagiarized or read cliff notes from a mile away. she was tough but she wanted us to do well, and that was my original intent with the green druidess. but since she’s way too egotistical, stubborn, and dumb to figure it out (as bullies usually are), i had to leave the “love” part out of “tough love”.

by the way, “non-erogenous zone”? what are you, my therapist?

*projectile vomits*

“oh. my. GAWD. chand-lah bing! chand-lah bing-a-ling!” (this part actually deserves two jokes)

“are you eating a t-bone? why don’t we call you.. t-bone?” “can i be g-bone?” “there is no ‘g-bone’, george.” “T-BONE! T-BONE! T-BONE! T-BONE!” 

*later*

“you’re like that monkey that can do sign language.” “cocoa?” “yeah! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA! COCOA!”

she also ripped off covalent bonds, i see. not surprised at all, either: it had “easy target” written all over it.

“when you walk in the bar, and you feel like a star, rockin’ your fuck-me pumps.  and a man notice you with your gucci bag (crue), can’t tell who he's lookin' to, ‘cause you all look the same, everyone knows your name, and that's your whole claim to fame. never miss a night 'cause your dream in life is to be a footballer's wife. you don't like players, that's what you say- but you really wouldn't mind a millionaire. you don't like ballers, they don't do nothing for ya, but you'd love a rich man six-foot-two or taller.”

vanessa: “we also received your other gift.” austin powers: “yes, basel! nice rack!”

“you’re being a peñis... colada, that is.” -liz phair

i swear, i used “i want you”... by bob dylan, in either fever or now it’s dark. may have been fever, i remember seeing it in the notes when i was putting volume one on wattpad last week.

speaking of notes, here’s another drinking game: take a shot every time you read her author’s note and they’re like this. when i write author’s notes, i try to be fun and friendly because we’re all fans here, but istg, the last couple of times i poked my head into her fics out of morbid curiosity, i saw her author’s notes and they were... i want to say “businesslike”. most recently, she hasn’t put any. it’s like when you have that one mutual on here: you were friends at one point, and something happens, and they end up moving away from their original content, like they got involved in social justice or something, and they start getting hostile and belligerent about it, and they end up deviating away from the original purpose of social justice and turn into someone full of hate, the very thing they were initially up against, and they reach a crisis point where it completely breaks them, and they turn into hipster blogs who don’t bother tag anything or even talk anymore, and then at some point, they leave tumblr. (tells you how long i’ve been on here, too: i’ve actually watched blogs venture through that very pipeline, whereas it’s rare now).

but here, i’m trying really hard to understand her point, or why she’s so bent on making things difficult for me when she just winds up making things difficult for herself as well as everyone who follows her, but she can’t come out front like this. when this whole situation started, and then continued, i really was alone in the whole thing (another key trait that should tell you that i’m not the bully here as bullies usually travel in packs and their prey tend to be loners). some people who had blocked me lifted the barrier and i apologized to them straight up because i knew it was upsetting for them. add to this, i had people left and right blocking me on the pretense of my supposedly running my mouth. incredibly petty and rude (unless someone’s opinion is actually hurting you, i can’t even tell you how messed up it is to block someone for being themselves: and at that point, it stops being opinion anyway) and it really gave me some insight into this new generation of tumblrs, many of whom are a lot like her: she happens to be a prototype of sorts, a codifier for what tumblr has become. but if there’s anything that this current tumblr is not, it’s that i know you guys don’t cheat.

as much as i dislike the ____ x reader trope and stranger things, the air of “oh my gosh, look what i found!” laced with captain obvious that’s in literally everything you guys do, and as much as i wish tiktok would just go away already, gen z and a lot of her readership do have a lot of charm to them because it comes down to ego.

the pen can’t be mightier than the sword if you let your ego get in the way. fic should be fun, it shouldn’t be about cancelling or getting all defensive when someone notices that you’re fucking up and wants you to stop but you instead double down and continue to do it and play possum afterwards at the expense of everyone in the room. karma is a bitch, man, and a bigger one than i ever will be. what goes up must come down.

speaking of coming down, there’s...

there’s...

there’s...

*snicker* sorry.

ladies and gentlemen. boys and girls. everyone in between. damen und herren. madames et monsieurs.

the crown jewel. the trinity test:

BIT HER BOTTOM

BIT

HER

BOTTOM

WHAT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALEX

YOU’RE NOT HERE! YOU’RE NOT HERE! A DIRTY WORD! HE SAID A DIRTY WORD!

WHAT IN GOD’S NAME HAVE YOU DONE STICK YOUR ARM FOR SOME REAL FUN SO YOUR SICKNESS WEIGHS A TON AND GOD’S NAME HAS SMACK THE SUN!

U

G

L

Y

YOU UGLY YOU, YOU UGLY YOU UGLY YOU, YOU UGLY

YOU AIN’T GOT NO ALIBI YOU AIN’T GOT NO ALIBI YOU AIN’T GOT NO ALIBI YOU AIN’T GOT NO ALIBI

YOU UGLY YOU, YOU UGLY

I AM NOW CHOPPING OFF PHYLLIS’ HEAD WITH A CHAINSAW 

I SAID A BOOM-CHICK-A-BOOM!

I SAID A BOOM-CHICK-A-BOOM!

I SAID A BOOM-CHICK-A-ROCK-A-CHICK-A-ROCK-A-CHICK-A-BOOM!

IT IS OVER! IT IS ALL OVER!

FUCK

okay, never mind the image that just conjured up. it reminds me of that eminem song where he’s rapping in an eric cartman voice, and there’s a line where he goes: “that bitch can twist like a contortionist!”

she bit her bottom and ate her own shit 🤣

it’s like, “what do you want for lunch?” “could you make me a sandwich?” “sure!”

SPLAT.

oh, my god, i cannot think of a better allegory to her fics, like seriously. between the hyper obsession with ghoulish topics to the point of not doing them right (yeah, i don’t get it either) to the juvenile humor, it fits beautifully and perfectly. i also feel like it’s foreshadowing like KARMA IS A BITCH, BABY! 😂😂😂

and that’s another thing that’s common in her fics, too, especially as of recently. she’ll omit words (which is a typo i’m often guilty of, this is getting weird) and she’ll put in a shitload of filler to pad out the word count and then shove it out the door so no one can question it.

it’s like she wants to... beat me to the punchline or something.

but guess fucking what? i have the punchline now, hahahahaha!

god, that is a terrible error, and i cannot believe no one pointed it out, either. but i also can, though, because when i make an error like that, i usually notice after the fact or when i’m editing; the fact no one’s said anything after a month confirms she’s surrounded by yes men. or at the very least, people who don’t know, or don’t care, what a con job looks like (i’ll explain that in a second).

that’s right up there with “angry balls” from twilight (with apologies to stephenie meyer, of course).

and it doesn’t really matter at this point, but it came from this:

george: “you can’t break up with me! i had hand!” AND YOU’RE GONNA NEED IT.

besides... the only taut belt I ever want to think about

is his

yeah, i’d like to see him tighten that belt of his, making that little belly poke out even more and bring more attention to his crotch 👀  swish his long beautiful hair 👀👀👀

actually, all the testament guys can tighten their belts for me any time 😏 and joey, too! he likes his belts, too. the man whom she betrayed and left behind in the dirt along with pete apparently. yeah, she threw not one, not two, but three subcultures, thrashers, grungers, and the goths, under the bus for quite literally no reason: she pretty much gave up anthrax fic after the incident with me and then her eddie vedder/grunge fic and her megadeth fic respectively in 2021, and her updates of like loving the dead since chapter 37 have been hollow and kind of boring, which tells me she’s not putting effort into them, and it’s weird because there are a few people who’ve bookmarked it saying it’s their dream peter fic. she left these fandoms, whole-ass subcultures, hanging for literally no reason other than to be petty and spiteful towards someone who stopped caring in january 2021.

what makes me different? very simple: i don’t cheat. i also genuinely like stuff.

i was thinking about this when i said it’s like she’s not even a fan of these things and she just writes because she thinks it’s what’s cool, too: she’s a grifter. she doesn’t swindle people out of their money, sure, but her behavior is parasitic enough, though.

she writes fic that appeals to a wide array of people while she keeps a straight face on (”she’ll stab you in the back with a smile on her face”, if you will) and also leeches off them under the pretense of “don’t like, don’t read”, thereby abusing fandom rules and then the very second she comes across someone who doesn’t kiss her ass or is bit of a threat to her or better yet annoys her, she turns hostile, covers her ass and gaslights everyone, and drags everyone down with her, declaring it’s “because they made do it!” lol, no. you chose to do it. i didn’t point a gun to your head and told you to ditch your fics: you did it because you have a victim complex and frankly, you suck at writing, too. there’s no money involved but you’re a grifter.

i pray for the mötley crüe fandom. really, take this from a girl who’s into alt rock and thrash and death metal, three genres that are notoriously the antitheses of glam: they don’t need the run-around like that, her building up a base only to watch her suddenly leave down the line because she can’t handle some girl being herself. instead of hitching up her bootstraps and accepting responsibility like any person with a spine and common sense, she plays the blame game and goes “look what she made me do”. who the hell does she think she is, taylor swift? (say what you want about her, but at least taylor has the decency to learn from her mistakes and has a healthy sense of self-awareness. and she’s actually a nice person, too: regina george is more charming than the green druidess) like i said, i’ve grown as a writer and a person. from the looks of it, the green druidess, formerly known as daveighmustaine, formerly known as fromthewasteland, has not one bit. the only thing that’s different is username and pettiness level.

by the way, alex likes to wear a lot of black and red (and green, oddly enough), too, so before i get called out for double standards: no, context is important.

and speaking of context, there’s also a line in this fic where nick runs his fingers down liz’s bare body to her (’scuse me) “abdomen” and she has a belly button piercing. it’s insufficient to say, but i feel like she had the hanukkah chapter of black moon open, too (fits the time frame: that was posted on the 18th and her fic on the 27th). and maybe disciples of the watch from eclipse, too, and blood & chocolate, and really anything i wrote that’s a bit sexual because i have a belly kink, specifically “little round bellies that look like they’d be fun to kiss, cuddle with, playfully poke, gently pat, tickle, admire from afar with the right fabrics and colors, and maybe fill them up until they’re very full and give them lots of gentle rubs”.

so, she not only copies from me, but she can’t even do kinks right. 

how is that possible? 

when you write kink, there’s this unspoken commitment behind it, like... you know. commit. shit or get off the pot. dude, i have written bdsm scenes where they were enjoying themselves. i wrote temperature play, and elemental play (pyrophilia and aquaphilia), and not once did i inject some painful bullshit.

and i thought we learned from 50 shades, too. there’s literally a right way to do it all and she isn’t doing it. “it makes it more believable and enjoyable!” no, it doesn’t. take this from a virgin: if you’re in pain while having sex, stop. extreme pain is not empowering or sexy: it’s quite the opposite. don’t keep going until one of you is crying and then you call the guy a fuckhead and he’s reveling in your verbal abuse. you’re treating not just him like shit, but yourself, too.

how do you people following her sleep at night knowing your precious fic writer, your “gorgeous queen”, is glorifying abuse across the board and is grifting everyone right in front of their faces, not once apologizing or being levelheaded about anything. she has shown to me, since 2020, that she cannot handle people who are different. hell, it looks like she can’t even handle fandom, period, because i have seen, time and time again, people in fandom far worse than me and i can tell she’s not okay with it. always wanting more attention, more sympathy, just like ol’ tila nguyen who preceded her by 20 years.

i’m just... i’m gonna y’all this right now.

it’s only a matter of time before she says something really problematic, and she loses control of everything. and you’re going to wish you believed me when it all first happened.

[yardsards]

my hobbies include watching the sheer horror on new therapists' faces when i tell them about my childhood

[boneless07]

Two Nerds, One Bed || Spengler x reader

Title: Two Nerds, One Bed (Egon Spengler x gn!reader)

Warnings: Lots of fluff, I feel like Egon might be out of character a bit but.. shhh...

Word Count: 2,200~

Notes: You (reader) celebrate Christmas. You also hate Christmas and would rather not go to your family’s house because I said so…  I am not projecting at all… Gender-neutral reader (but kind of on the feminine side of things just bc I'm used to writing fem readers , but it's also vague enough that it qualifies as gn?? bare with me guys, I’m not used to actually posting my work) I looked up overused yet loved tropes and this one was it. There also may be typos, I’ve gone over this like a hundred times and I keep finding stuff to tweak--Hope you enjoy!

A pretty rude ghost on the outskirts of the city. A two-man job on Christmas week. Now, the Ghostbusters didn’t take out-of-town calls often, but it was a big week and they were feeling generous. The cranky old lady who called said she’d pay handsomely to get the damn thing out of her house. 

Even though he was the one to take the call and accept the job, Venkman had the week planned with Dana, so he dumped the work on someone else. Winston was with his family, so he couldn’t and wouldn’t take it. While Ray stayed in New York, he was doing his own celebrating with his beloved "Ecto-mobile" and a family of his own.

On the other side of things, Egon was Jewish--but even then, he never really celebrated holidays, so the entire month just felt like a normal month in New York for him. Just a lot more snow and terrible, repetitive music playing on the radio. Work seemed to get busier, the city-people angrier even when they sang of being jolly. He hyper-focused on people’s emotions, always trying to find where it came from… home issues, the cold, he’d never know.

As the last of the gang? You wanted any excuse not to go back home for Christmas. You wanted snow, and you desperately wanted to stay hundreds and hundreds of miles away from your mother asking when you’d get a real job–a desk job–and not some silly performance gig. New York was your new home, ghosts and all. Your family home was left far behind you and forgotten. For the most part.

So, you and Egon were the only two 'busters available for the job. He looked up a hotel near the old lady’s place so that on the way back you two had somewhere to sleep beside the car, and you kept your fingers crossed that it wouldn't be packed when you got there.

 The customer’s name was Gerda, she was a somewhat scary woman in her late 70s–living alone and content as so. She made sure to hammer that into your heads, saying how annoying the surprisingly quiet and low-rank the ghost haunting her was. Ms. Gerda wasn’t exactly the kindest woman, her thick German accent didn’t help much with that, either–but she thanked you after paying cash with weighted appreciation in her mother tongue. Then, she promptly kicked you out.

You left with the ghost trap still smoking, shoving it into the back of the car with the hope that it’d be fine overnight by itself as you drove to the hotel. You packed light, and thankfully neither of you were slimed, so you were mainly clean and sane looking as you entered the very busy lobby. You had stripped to your everyday clothes (plus a few jackets and scarfs for the cold) before walking into the building. It seemed busier inside than out.

You went to the desk ahead of Egon, bitterly cold and overly excited to get into a room with hot tea and a nice shower. And warm sheets, though they wouldn’t be very warm at first. "Sorry, there's only one available at the moment." The young lady at the desk said, blowing a bubble with her pink bubble gum. She didn't seem at all sorry, more annoyed that she had to be working and talking to customers.

Egon raised an eyebrow, noticing your failure to respond fast enough. You were just weighing your options. You and Egon, spending the night in the same room? What would he even think about that? He seemed like he was going to decline, probably offering to drive back to the station while you slept in the passenger seat–he was too nice like that sometimes. You wondered what you did to deserve his kindness.

“We’ll take it,” You said quickly, pulling out your wallet. Egon looked to you as if asking if you were sure, and you just shrugged. “I don’t want to drive all night and I’m sure you don’t either.” You whispered, earning an honest, semi-enthused grunt from the man.

"I'll sleep on the couch. Or the chair. Whatever's there.” Egon said slowly as you made your way down the hallway, your eyes glancing from the number attached to the key, to the room numbers. “You take the bed. I know your back hurts whenever you sleep on anything else," He said as he took the key and opened the door for you. You would’ve laughed at his words had you not fallen victim to his unintentional charm. He was too caring then, it caught you off guard. You simply didn’t spend enough time with the man to warrant such a reaction.

With Venkman, you got flirted with constantly, even when he was in a relationship with Dana. You honestly couldn’t tell if he was genuinely interested, or if he did it for shock factor. Probably the latter, but it was unnerving either way. He’d probably be trying to get you into bed if it’d been Peter who went on this trip with you. Winston, Winston was a good guy and a good friend. But sleeping in the same bed? You’d be embarrassed beyond words. The relationship between the two of you was strictly platonic–the same with Ray. 

But with Egon things were different. Way different. You wouldn’t mind sharing a bed with him, and your big fat crush on him certainly contributed to the idea that made your face turn red. He was gentle, kind. Awkward. But anyone would be awkward if they were as smart yet stupid as him. 

You were also surprised at how composed you were, taking initiative with the keys and the like. You wondered if Egon found it curious, how quick you were to agree to a one-bed situation. But if he was thinking about it, he didn’t say anything–all the words leaving his mouth were about the sleeping situation instead.

As you looked around the room, you both placed your bag on the bed and inspected the quite sad furniture. "You were saying?" You said. It was only the bed, a desk, and a broken chair–it’s back laying in the corner of the room. 

"The floor looks comfortable," He said, you knew he was joking. You snorted.

"Just sleep with me," You suggested, seemingly unphased. Though inside you certainly were not. At times like then, you were glad Egon couldn't read minds. "It's not like you've got another choice." You sighed, placing your bathroom bag on the nightstand beside you. 

"Plus, I'm not the only one with a bad back, Dr. six foot two.." You joked, your hands pointing towards him and wiggling. The eye contact almost made you drop, your knees threatening to buckle and break.

He blushed at your comment, removing his luggage from the bed just to do something with his hands. "Fine, if you're sure you're comfortable sharing with me." He said, face warm, but you didn’t notice as your mind was elsewhere. Aka, being lost in his eyes, which were then looking anywhere but back into yours.

"Well, why wouldn't I be? You're certainly not Venkman." You joked, but it was true. He was respectful in all regards. If he accidentally touched you, he'd apologize. Not many men did that, not many men you knew at least.

"I trust you," You said, quietly removing your bag as well and putting it on the floor to join Spengler’s. You heard a noise from his side, sounding like he was clearing his throat. You looked away, slightly embarrassed at what you’d admitted. "Well, it's not that late yet.. want a drink? They should have a water heater around here somewhere. Teabags too."

He sat down on the edge of the bed, crossing one leg over his knee as he watched you inspect the little kitchen area. "If there are any." He shrugged–a nod somewhere in there as well–an awkward gesture of approval and appreciation. You smiled back.

You found the water heater, put it on, and made the two of you some tea. It wasn't the best tasting tea--they didn't give you any sugar, so you sipped reluctantly the rest of the night just to have something–free–in your stomach.

The hours passed, the clock reached 10 pm. "When do you usually sleep?" You asked as you shimmied your way under the sheets in your pajamas; sweatpants, and a t-shirt. Minus the socks, but you regretted taking them off as it got cold very quickly.

"Not this early," he admitted, pulling the blankets that I stole back over his lap as his eyes fixed on the book in his hand. "You go to sleep at ten, I assume?"

"And wake up at six." You nodded, a yawn escaping your lips. He looked down at you and smiled a bit before closing the book on his bookmark--the one you bought him for his birthday a year ago. He asked for no presents--nothing special, but you couldn't resist. 

"Well, you seem exhausted. Goodnight." You nodded at his words, closing your eyes. A part of you was disappointed at how quick he was to dismiss you to sleep--you had hoped to perhaps talk a bit into the night. But as the lamp light from his side of the bed turned off with the sound of a little click, the room plunged into a quiet darkness.

After a couple minutes you began to shake, you brought your hands to your mouth, hoping your breath would warm you. It took you a couple more minutes before you decided to speak up about it, the cold becoming too much. "Uh. Egon?" 

"Mm?" He didn't sound very tired at all. You felt somewhat silly to sleep next to a man who didn't want to sleep much at all.

"I know you're not big on touching me and stuff--"

"That's not what I meant," He interjected, but you kept talking.

"--but it's like, really, really cold. Can you hold me?" The plea came from your lips quickly, coldly--teeth chattering. You could hear him clear his throat quietly before making an almost inaudible sound of approval.

He turned on his side, bringing you into a hug. A very, very awkward hug. It felt warmer, but it felt a lot more awkward than you expected it to. So, you shifted on your side as well, facing him and pressing your face into him as you snuggled your body into his chest.

He didn't make a sound, but he seemed to have loosened a bit, his arms feeling less robotic around you. "See? Not so hard, now is it?" You giggled into his chest after another nice moment, words muffled into his sleep shirt.

He just tightened his arms around you, one palm laying flat on your back, his thumb rubbing sweet, soothing circles into your shoulder blade.

It felt nice, in that... ‘is this allowed?’ kind of way. You'd liked Egon for a while. Romantically, and not. Beforehand, that was. You were best friends before any real feelings surfaced. And cuddling with him just felt.. so right.

"You feel warm," He commented, causing you to press your hands to his chest, toying with the fabric of his button-up shirt with his matching trousers. God, he was such a silly man. You let yourself breathe, trying to resist the urge to inhale his scent. He smelled like… maplewood and pine. A hint of citrus too, you tried not to lose yourself in his aroma.

You could tell he was trying to see if you were faking it. Perhaps pretending to be cold so you could wrap yourself in his arms. "Mm, you're warmer. You feel so good," You murmured, snuggling closer if it was possible.

He gulped, you felt it, and his heartbeat was beating against your right fist as you balled up his shirt and let it go a few times. 

"Go to sleep," he hissed, and you looked up at him with a scrunched up nose, lightheartedly offended.

"Rude," You said, before scooting up, face closer to him. His eyes seemed to widen, and you couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"You can't sleep with your glasses on, Spengs." You took them off his face slowly before reaching over him to put them on his side of the nightstand. 

"I was not exactly planning to sleep just yet," His voice was nervous again.

"How am I supposed to sleep if you don't? Come on, close your eyes," You sighed, laying your head on his pillow--leaving your own behind in the sake of warmth. Your hands covered his eyes, and once you knew they were shut, you took your hands away. "There,"

"This is not doing much..." Egon chuckled, his thousand-dollar smile being flashed your way. It was beautiful, he was so beautiful.

You pressed your hands to his jaw, cupping his face as he smiled with his eyes closed, laughing at your stupid attempt to get him to sleep.

"Stop being so handsome or I swear I'm going to fall in love with you," The words left your mouth before you could really process them, thumbs caressing his cheeks.

He opened his eyes, meeting yours quickly. He muttered your name. You readied yourself for the worst, shutting your eyes tight to avoid seeing his face in the dark. You didn't want to see his discomfort, if there was any.

"Well, I should continue to be handsome then," He said, quiet, under his breath, but loud enough in the deathly silence that you could very possibly hear it from the damn bathroom. "Because I seem to already in love with you. I’ve just been hoping you felt the same." 

Your hands stayed on his face, cupping his cheeks a bit tighter--and you kissed him. He kissed you back. It certainly wasn’t the most skilled kiss you’ve ever been apart of, but it was certainly the best one you’d had. ‘Cause it was with Egon. And he’d admitted to you something you could’ve only dreamt of. That he loved you.