#this ones more. accurate to the image ive had in my head

[hearts401]

Cuz I'm the last bitch now, the final girl.

[regicidal-defenestration]

[ID: A youtube screenshot, showing a video from Facts Verse titled Bizarre Pirate Traditions You Didn't Know About. The thumbnail has two images, one is a sketch of a pirate, glaring at the viewer, and the other is of a pirate baring her breast at the man she attacks. End ID]

This popped up on my youtube recommended and it annoyed me so much I couldn't bring myself to watch it. What are your sources. If it's a commonly repeated story with no real foundation I'm judging you, if you've taken Johnson's General History of Pyrates as fully truthful and accurate I'm judging you even more and if it's that one woodcut of Anne Bonny from the one Dutch version of the General History you might as well delete your channel now

[the-bearer-of-bad-ideas]

i miss the 2020-2021 school year

zoom schoolw as nice adn then going back at the end of it was soooo nice idk i miss it

a lot of it is definitely because i was i was younger + rose tinted glasses but still

also i think my anxiety anxietied too hard and broke because i kinad of just. stopped being paranoid all the time during then

[emerxshiu]

rat brainrot going hard

sorry for not posting this week, i was cooking some stuff but this drawing took almost the entire week to do, worst part, it was a shitpost

i still dont know why this took me so much

so uh, almost all my drawings this week have been related to this two(and lis) so much so that i struggled because i wanted to draw other things so i would just stare at a blank sheet of paper for over half an hour, god that was torture, tho i dont mind drawing the sillies, sometimes it gets a bit boring drawing the same over and over y'know? im also going to take this as an opportunity to ramble about my forgo gijinka, because surprisingly i hadnt done that yet.

og image

ok now to actually talk about the wet rat

ive tried doing a gijinka of em since i joined the fandom (my first gijinka was fecto elfilis (well not really they were fnaf, but i mean when i got into kirby and when i started using the term gijinka))

but most of the time it just looked like elfilin but like...evil, with a different ear and a hospital gown, thats it, so i barely drew them since i didnt like that, but on february, i actually sketched an idea that i liked, and thought it looked cute but a bit off (i mean off in a good way)

(yes im posting this image again because i think its the best drawing of my forgo (im very inconsistent with my style ok))

they have their eyes closed most of time, like in game, i considered giving them legs but i ended up with the tail, since i didnt want to end up with like a fourth evil elfilin, the arms are like that so i can have em be small and weird like in the actual game, but i also made it so they can like change it, that way i can make em have hands and stuff if necessary (like to hold that frying pan for example)

not sure if a lot of you notice it but um, bro has no neck, i took away his neck privileges, i did it just to see but i ended up falling in love with that and stuck around, and also that allows me to draw them bending their head like in the drawing above because their neck isnt necking and i like that, i like being able to draw characters doing stuff that shouldnt be anatomically possible or is abnormal (i did something a bit similar with void) thair clothes are rugged because well forgotten land you know what i mean, but in general theyre actually pretty simple

i also did the drawing in digital

i tried doing very sketchy lineart, i tried a new brush in this one and thats the one im using for my last drawings (not sure if anyone noticed the brush change) it was pain painting it because i did it all with the brush in the same size, not changing it, god did my hands hurt and it was a bad idea

i accidentaly downloaded the following 3 drawings twice lol

sleepy zzzz

i think they would wear something like this to sleep, i dunno i just wanted to draw em in something cute, and sleepy, with elfilin slippers (the mug also has elfilin btw) oh and also i like changing their hair, here one of their long bangs is tied into a bow, kinda like callie from splatoon, i have some drawing im probably wont post, one more of forgo wich looks very much like the upper one but like eyes closed, and one of fecto elfilis gyaru because my sister asked me to draw them like that, bad thing is i didnt look up references on gyaru since i couldnt use my phone at the moment, i did like the hair i did for them in that one tho, they have their bangs tied up in a bun, and then left the rest loose, making it look longer than it actually is. i might redraw it, but actually looking up gyaru so i can make something more accurate, i like the style, but im not too informed on it

elfilin being silly like a kitty :p

not much more to say on this, just sillines :3

there is totally not a cropped drawing there

based on the kirby manga, where they make it so elfilis sings really bad, at first i didnt like it that much since i had imagined they'd sign great, but after i while i started to find it a bit cute so now its a headcanon, they like to sing but suck at it.

writing this just made me remember i wanted to do another drawing too for this with kirby and them singing, but i forgot to do it, im kinda tired (and its late) ill probably draw it, but for next post or another one

tried drawing fecto forgo as a plushie, silly.

i wanna learn how to sew so i can make plushies of characters (like prince fluf!) but im way too lazy, i will get around it some day! (hopefully)

elfilin too as a plush

i also wanna learn to sculpt, i tried doing a clay kirby once, but one his feet broke in half, and one day my mom put it in a box, and his eyes fell off and stuck to the box :(

i really wanna do figures for characters i like or dont have enough merch or my ocs (prince fluff, flamberge, fecto elfilis)

but as i said, im way too lazy and unmotivated, though its be nice, one day, maybe one day if i stop procrastinating

it doesnt have the same ring to it as "feto rata mojada alien" wich is how my sister and i call them (she doesnt know that much about kirby, but i sometimes show her my drawings (reluctantly sometimes, but im the older so like >:) she has too if she wants to show me her stuff too))

silly rat and wet rat, thats how i call em (because wet rat alien fetus is too long sometimes)

you can tell the brainrot was too strong (were near done(kinda))

they gain a mouth whenever i fell like it very much

artblock hit, and all the rest of pages i stared at them for 30 minutes

it felt weird looking at my fecto elfilis with the eyes so big, it looked off (in a weird way)

dunno, tried drawing them in a different pose i i dunno really

i think these are from tuesday. i did more but those were oc (mostly splatoon) or other kirby character related, and i want this to be a rat post (might post those tommorow or another day maybe)

i dunno (x2), i tried drawing elfilin like elfilis, i really liked the hands here. i still struggle a bit with anatomy but i think this was quite good for my usual character just stading looking at the front or a quarter profile. im considering making this into a fully digital drawing, what do i say by considering im actually doing that fuck it, i just think it looks kinda cool

"This new creation, driven by pure chaos, was defeated by the bright light of Kirby's hope."

Chaos Elfilis reminds me of a moth. kirby's hope is a bright light.

you can see my thought process. i just thought itd be a bit cute and kinda silly and funny.

the kirby fandom wiki, said that chaos elfilis looked akin to a moth, and it just stuck with me, so i wanted my gijinka of them to be moth inspired, and thats when i saw just how cute moths are! i mean im still a bit scared of insects but at least now i kinda like em.

i feel like i need to say sorry to that one moth i desintegrated in a matter of seconds with a book because i thought it was an spider and didnt think (im so sorry little guy)

but ah yeah elfilis, moth, it made sense to me since chaos elfilis has the soul of morpho knight, who is a butterfly, and moths are kinda like butterflies too. and i thought itd be cute

so uh yeah i sometimes like making my chaos elfilis be a bit like a moth, that includes liking light, a lot, so uh kirby is like a lamp in here because i said so

now to talk about the desing since for some reason i hadnt earlier, as i said before, they are very moth inpired so uh im might say that word way too many times (im sorry i suck at explaining stuff)

their horns are thinner to resemble moth anntenae, and they curve just because i thought it look cool, and to differentiate it a bit from fecto elfilis. their bangs tie into a bun (i forgot to draw that but i dont wanna go and change it now, way too tiredv man and i still have to post this on other places) the bun looks a bit like an eye, because well, they are basically a soul boss, and moths have things in their wings that look like eyes, btw chaos elfilis doesnt have their wings here because i got lazy and i didnt want them to like cover most of the drawing. the things coming from their bun are like the trhee things theyve got in their head, theyre shaped like that to resemble insects legs a bit, fecto elfilis also had the 3 things (i dunno how to call em sorry) as their eyelashes, but chaos elfilis has just white eyelashes, because the bun already has the 3 things and because my morpho has white eyelashes so (i still havent done my morpho gijinka yet, i just know im gonna give the butterfly some white eyelashes cuz cute and pretty grimm reaper) the rest of the hair is shaped into like a ponytail but like, adn shaped, with whats left shaped like a lil moth

the waistband they have is a nod to morpho, they used to have a bow shaped just like the butterfly morpho appears as, but i took it out because i thought it crowded the design way too much, and also because it was too on the nose. the arms have those golden things because my fecto has it and because my og chaos elfilis gijinka had them so i wanted to bring it back, the hand fades into white because the red in the hand wasnt hard to distinguish so i came up with that to make it easier to see.

the red part of the pants are actually a bit fuzzy akin to a moth and the white part has those stripes to loke like insect stuff because y'know akin to a moth. the boots are like the red part in their legs their model in-game has, so i just made em tall boots, the high heels? originally it was platform just ike my fecto but then i wanted to draw them in high heels when i was slightly redoing chaos elfilis, and welp, i loved it and now theyve got high heels. those rings around the ankle are inspired by the ones leaongar has around their arm. also can you tell anatomy is not my strong suit? and that i dont draw high heels often?

i made a slight change in my kirby, making the sleeves be a different color, since the one he had before i felt was way too white, and i wanted to have more saturation in it

i also forgot but elfilin is supposed to wear that during forgotten land, and then i decided that after the anding of the main story he changes clothes, but i forgot about that while doing this so he has his pre-ending clothes (also because i still cant really decide on their second outfit for the post-game)

god im so tired i wanna talk and show more drawings but o shit im sweating why is it so hot in here

um thank you for reading all the unnecessary long rambles about why i do certain stuff in my gijinkas, i appreciate it a lot (im still sorry about writing walls upon walls of text but i just cant help it)

Jambuhbye! :D

[a-s-levynn]

How i do stuff | Part 2

Okay so i'm kinda doing this backwards going from the shading back to the sketching but not like i did anything logically ever.

THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE A LINE FOR LINE PROCESS because i am not that insane. Yet.

To be honest the entire sketching process is very intuitive on my part so i don't think i can provide much insight here but i'll try to make it make sense.

It is really not as conscious as the shading.

So first: have an idea to work with

Find a concept i like and go from there.

I decided that i want Vessel to look upwards and a little bit to the side and add some other details (which you are not going to see here yet. We are talking about sketching people here not background or whatever.)

Next step: i try to find a reference image that is as close to the desired pose as possible. It could either be made by a posing tool or actual reference image. Whichever is at hand.

(For whatever mysterious reasons i have a small catalog of IV pics in my head rent free so i actually knew what i was looking for.)

I use reference pictures for a few reasons. For one, they make it so much easier to figure out poses and movements. But more importantly by looking at them i can figure out the flow of the body much more faster than just from memory. They also help with understanding how cloth is draping or the way light hits certain shapes and surfaces. There are a lot of benefits.

Anyway so we have our reference picture:

But i wanted Vessel to look the other way so flipped it. (Zoom in not mandatory but we don't need the rest of IV for this.)

Ye okay i can now kind of figure out where goes what in relation to one and other.

Okay okay okay i know: draw a circle than finish the fucking owl.. no bear with me. I need something on the page to talk about what i do. Lemme explain:

So first i'm starting with the traditional x or cross (blue on the pic below). I usually i orient it in my head that the meeting point of the line is the part of your nose dips right above the nosebridge. Because that is usually in the same level as the eyes. At least how i start, they could be moved up or down later.

So the horizontal line for me is the middle of the middle pair of eyes/eyeholes for Vessel or if there is only one set of eyes than it is the middle line for the eyes. I found it most comfortable in proportion wise for me to start with. (This horizontal line would be the tip of the ears as well if i had ears on here.)

Than i pick where the tip of the nose and the mouth is going to be roughly. Doesn't have to be more than a little dot or line, it is going to be changed later anyway.(pink lines below)

I also pick a comfortable spot on the vertical line where the point of the chin is going to be, where throat starts and pick a spot for the addam's apple.(pink lines below)

Than i make the whole head into somewhat head like shape (pink egg like shape below), because where that ends is basically what i'm connecting with the chin point to find the jawline. (green lines below)

Maybe even add to a line or two for where i imagine the hood to go just for funsies.

What else i do simultaniously with this is finding the flow of the face because where his adam's apple is, will tell me where the neck bends in the movement, the neck curving point will show where the shoulder connects, but also where the tendons are going towards the suprasternal hollow and then where the collarbones start and angle back up towards the shoulders etc. Everything connects to the next thing.

(I also do this for half or full body figures as well, only there i'm trying to find the flow of the entire body. Or more accurately the curve of the spine in a natural or close to natural shape first and then figure out the smaller parts.)

Look i'm not gonna lie, for this to be eyeballed off of even a pretty close reference picture in a way that looks close to natural or makes sense, you have to have a basic understanding of anatomy.

It doesn't have to be a conscious understanding but it has to be there. There are endless tutorials out there to help with this and i highly recommend looking up a few because i know not everyone can learn it just by looking at dancers and anatomy lab videos.

Next step: find a reference for the mask and preferably for the mouth because i'm bad at drawing mouths and i want to learn. If it is moving make it not moving, it helps a lot. Kill it with a screenshot, put it in Paint, bury it in a jpeg. Simple as that.

When i have my mask reference, i'm just trying to find a sweet spot that matches it in a way that feels good. First i'm going for the rough outline of it, details can be added later. It is not going to be a one-to-one to the reference because it is not the exact same angle, but it still helps.

And from here it is mostly just trial end error of putting lines and details in and than erasing them until i reach a state where i can say: yup this is look decent enough and can refine it into a lineart and start shading.

Not much else i could share here about this part of the process because as i've said most of it is pretty intuitive and based on a certain level of anatomical understanding.

(Hopefully you'll see the end result in a couple of days but we'll see how much time i'm going to have.)

Love you all and i'm sorry i can't provide more than this ♥

[pantherloid]

Please yap, I want to hear about the non-bio thing about Len

Okay!!! Im not gonna articulate it well so it's gonna be all over the place.

Ive said (too many times) that my hcs of len (and any other vocasynth) is theyre either physical robots or they exist in your 'puter.

At first I almost said "non-human" to mean like its a character thats not born and so doesnt live a human life like go through developmental stages, have parents that theyre born from, have a childhood especially, ET CETERA right, but non-human makes it sound like its furries or monsters so that doesnt make any sense.

Non-biological feels accurate bc there is no BIRTH and no developmental stages, no lived experiences/past experiences, and basically, i want the character to exist in a void!! No ties, no meaningful connections.

A little bit off tangent... I've had my old fursona (oldest oc) in my head for the longest time and theyre supposed to be one of these characters that Do Not Exist like theyre not a "person" who goes through life and experiences, theyre an entity that... exists in...SOME way, and I was never able to convey that idea UNTIL like last year, after experimenting for a long time with len hcs where hes a digital being, it kinda clicked. This non-existing character type that I've been wanting to convey can be well translated as a digital being or like a computer program. I think i want to say this character type is entirely intangible, like computer programs, so they "dont exist"...but you wouldn't say a computer program is "not real" right, like um WHERE AM I GOING.

Anyways HAVE YOU EVER seen that tumblr post (i think) about hatsune miku, gorillaz, and the muppets being not real but also... real... bc they exist in the real world and we talk about them *Vsauce music* or SOMETHING like that...

Where am i going now ah. The kagami-ne mirror images thing is so good because to me there is no way this makes sense if i think of them as flesh and blood people like DA HELL you mean theyre mirror images, the concept simply does not work. Like look i assume people who hc rin and len as twins hc them as 'people' because---

((context i made a tweet a while ago, i said : "I lean more on the mirror images interpretation than twins like siblings." "In my hc theyre not people so theyre not ""siblings"" bc you'd have to be born for that?? Theyre probably more like clones but also not BIOLOGICALLY bc theyre either robots/digital beings like i always say." ---

because twins suggest biology. Like they were fetuses in a womb together, man where am i going again.

The mirror images thing is really cool when theyre thought of as just ENTITIES. Just person-like beings that are just copy pasted like no further or deeper explanations. Theyre simply not real!!!!

- - -

After yapping I realized it all comes down full circle to my escapist ass not wanting anything connected to the real world. Like the way i draw len or my human ocs, theyre only supposed to resemble humans, they should not look "real" as in look like they could be someone who you could spot when you leave your house or something.

[theblackdahliaemporium]

Offerings in Hellenic Polytheism

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

i. Introduction

ii. Animal Sacrifice

iii. First Fruits

iv. Dedications

v. Libations

vi. Conclusion

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TW: Animal Sacrifice

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Disclaimer

While I have read about this subject and have tried to provide accurate information, I do not have any sort of post-secondary education on the subject. I encourage those reading this post to also do their own research, books cited in my sources are a good place to start. I also encourage people reading to correct me if I make any mistakes.

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Introduction

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Offerings and sacrifice are one of the central religious acts of Hellenic Polytheism. It is how we build kharis (reciprocity, grace, and favour) with the gods. It is important to know how and what to offer to the gods.

Offering and sacrifice almost always involved two things other than the offering; an altar and fire. There were two categories of altar for different purposes. The bômos, a high stone altar with a flat surface for ouranic deities, and the bothros, a shallow pit, dug into the earth for khthonic deities.

Fire is something that is found in almost every offering and cult activity in ancient Greece. It is important to note that because of the association with hearths and altars, Hestia takes part in all sacrifices and offerings. This is noted in the Homeric Hymn To Aphrodite:

Hestia rests at the hearth, the highest honor.

All people revere her in every temple,

Hestia, the most august of the gods.

- Homeric Hymn 5, translated by Diane J Rayor

Offering and sacrifices made towards ouranic deities were made preferably before noon in daylight, while offerings made for khthonic deities were done at night.

When making sacrifices and offerings, worshipers would wash themselves, dress in white, clean clothing, and adorn their heads in wreaths and garland.

Offerings always were accompanied by a request. This request could be for health, crop growth, ect. or just for the god(s) to accept the offering. My blog on Prayer in Hellenic Polytheism discusses this in more detail.

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Hestia Giustiniani, Marble, Second Century C.E. Roman Copy

Image Source

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Animal Sacrifice

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Animal sacrifice was one of the most common forms of offering found in ancient Greece. Many types of animals were sacrificed. Sheep were the most common, with goats and pigs in second and third place. The second most expensive were pigs, while piglets were the cheapest. Oxen, notably bulls, were considered the most honourable and the most expensive. Poultry also had a common place in sacrifice as well.

Domesticated animals were a part of animal sacrifice exponentially more than wild animals were. In the case of the sanctuary of Artemis at Kalapodi, there have been bones of deer and boars found.

It was important that the animal being sacrificed was healthy, well taken care of, and undamaged. The only place in ancient Greece that we know of that commonly had cheaper, smaller, and mutilated sacrificial animals was Sparta. The head and stomach of the sacrificial animal was decorated in garlands and ribbons. In some cases, the horns of bulls were covered in gold.

The colour of the animal was another important aspect of sacrifice. In the case of ouranic deities, the animal(s) would be white, and for khthonic deities, they would be black. The sex of the animal was also lined up with the gender of the god or goddess, though there have been exceptions.

There was a sequence of events when sacrificing an animal. This sequence starts with the procession that escorts the animal to the altar, the pompê. The pompê was headed by an aristocratic girl who carries a basket on her head, filled with barley groats and cakes that cover a sacrificial knife. The animal was guided by adolescent boys. A piper, who could be male or female, played music alongside the procession. Following behind were adult men and women. A vessel containing lustral water is brought along, and sometimes an incense burner.

Once they reached the altar, they stood in a semi-circle, with the altar in the front and the naos (temple) in the back. The basket and the water vessel are walked counterclockwise around the altar. The worshipers then have water poured over their hands, sprinkled on the altar, and sacrificial animal. This part is called the archesthai. It was important for the animal to be seen as willing, so the water sprinkled on its head created a nodding gesture, indicating acceptance. Everyone then grabs barley groats, called oulai, and while a prayer is recited, the barley is thrown at the altar and sacrificial animal. This part is called the katarchesthai.

Right before the animal is sacrificed, hairs are cut from its head and thrown into the fire. If it was an ox, it would be stunned with an axe. The animal's head is held up, and its throat cut. Once the animal bled, the women there would cry out. This part is called the ololygē. The blood was either directly poured on the altar in the case of smaller animals or collected in a bowl and then poured; none of it hit the ground. This part is called the haimassein.

The animal is skinned, which goes to the priest or sanctuary. The thigh bones are separated from the body, the meat is removed, and the bone is wrapped in fat. The thigh bones and small pieces from each limb placed on top are burned. The gallbladder and tail could also be a part of the sacrifice, though later they were specifically used for divination. The splanchna (kidneys, liver, spleen, and probably heart and lungs) is then roasted on the fire and are first to be eaten. A libation of mixed wine is then poured over the fire. Lastly, the meat is prepared, roasted or boiled, distributed, and eaten in a feast. The quality of the meat was distributed based on rank and social status.

In certain circumstances, the animal wasn’t eaten and instead burned whole. This was called a holocaust offering. The worshipers, in this case, would not partake in the sacrifice at all, so there is no feast. Holocaust sacrifices were specific to khthonic deities and the dead. Though still, there have been exceptions where a feast takes place.

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Marble Votive Relief, 340-320 B.C.E.

Image Source

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First Fruits

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First fruits referred to the offering of the first of the spoils acquired through hunting, fishing, gathering, and farming. This could be many things from figs, olives, and grapes to bread, milk, and wool. These offerings were placed at the altar, sacred site, or left in bodies of water, for the animals in the area. First fruit offerings gave what the season had to offer.

These types of offerings were popular with more rural deities such as Pan or the nymphai, as well as agricultural deities such as Demeter and Dionysos. The first fruits of many crops are given to corresponding deities when they are harvested.

Panspermia was a common type of first fruit offering found at many festivals. It was a mixture of different fruits and grains that were occasionally cooked in a pot.

These types of offerings in ancient Greece often accompanied animal sacrifice but were still at times done by themselves.

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Dedications

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There are two types of dedications that can be made: votive offerings and thank offerings. Votive offerings are any offerings made in the result of a vow, a dedication. Thank offerings were made in gratitude for help from a god in a worshipers life. Votive and thank offerings can include many things: first fruits, animal sacrifice, libations, but most interestingly statues, vases, clothing, tools, equipment, and even altars and temples.

Statues would have inscription on them documenting who gave the offering, and which god it was made too. Statue votives could also be bought or made by the worshipper themselves.

One form of votive was how, during wartime, soldiers would vow to dedicate the shields and weapons of their enemies for success in battle. An example of a thank offering is how when people reached old age and retired, they would dedicate their work tools and equipment to the related god's sanctuary.

Hair offerings were a form of dedication made during writes of passage. For boys, it was done when they reached adulthood and for girls when they got married. The cut hair was then offered to a god, river god, or hero.

Votive and thank offerings were commonly made to the god Asklepios in many of his temples. These offerings were sculpted body parts called anatomical votives. These were offered to give thanks or as a request for the god to heal the affliction affecting that part of the body.

Dedications were usually left in a sanctuary. Once these objects were dedicated to a god, they couldn't be taken back or leave the sanctuary. They are now property of the god or goddess.

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Bronze Votive Bull, Sanctuary of Zeus, Nemea, 400-350 BC

Image Source

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Libations

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Libations are liquid offerings poured for the gods and were the second most common forms of offerings in ancient Greece. They were typically poured out of a vessel called a phiale, which is a round bowl. Libations were shown on Athenian vases being poured with the right hand holding the phiale. Libations were directly poured onto the bômos or bothros.

There are two different types of libations found in ancient Greece: sponde and choe. Spondai were most commonly made to the Ouranic gods and had wine as the main liquid. The pouring of the sponde was done with a bowl or hand-held vessel, and the flow of the liquid was controlled. Choai were made for Khthonic deities and primarily had oil, milk, water, and honey as their main liquids. A choe was spilled and emptied from a large vessel into the earth; it was uncontrolled compared to a sponde libation.

Though wine was most common with sponde and milk, oil, and honey with choe, there were still instances where the liquids were used in the opposite type of libation.

Whenever people in ancient Greece would drink wine, a sponde was performed. In symposia, the first libation was offered to Zeus and the Olympians, the second to the heroes, and the third to Zeus Teleios (the finisher). The Agathos Daimon and Hermes were second and third libations in other instances. After, anyone can invoke and pour a libation to other gods.

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Attic red-figure cup, 480 B.C.E.

Image Source ]

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Conclusion

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Of course, animal sacrifice is often out of the question for most Hellenic Polytheists, whether that be due to circumstance or personal views. This means that when it comes to offerings made to deities, we must focus on other types that are more accessible to us.

I might also do a blog on why sacrifices and offerings are done as this blog explains more the act.

I think be doing a blog on altars and temples next. So, if you’re disappointed at the amount of information about altars here, there’ll be more coming soon.

Sources:

Greek Religion by Walter Burkert, 'Working Sacred Things' Animal Sacrifice and Gift Offerings and Libations

A Companion to Greek Religion by Daniel Ogden, Greek Normative Animal Sacrifice

Smokes Signals for the Gods by F. S. Naiden

Ancient Greek Religion by Jon D. Mikalson, An Overview: Greek Sanctuaries and Worship and Greek Gods, Heroes, and Polytheism

Theoi & Khlaire & Magpie

[canidaezy]

p1- "not much to say" YEAH theres fucking nothing to say about his character because there barely is any. we get the smallest glimpse into his mind and personality and it is entirely warped by the psychosis he is currently experiencing to the point where you cannot accurately extrapolate what he must be like outside of this specific point in time.

cannot stand the majority of p1-lovers for this reason. they love the IDEA of him in their head rather than the character that actually exists!!!

for what he is, hes a great and fascinating element of the game but 11/10? the CHARACTER? his character is *just* the story. he cannot stand alone because of that. you are referring to the story and atmosphere of the game. which is great! its a beautiful work of art! i love it! but youre wrong.

p2- 4.5 out of 10 for p2 fuck off honestly. the only reason given here is "got tired of seeing his design everywhere" uhhh he is from the most popular game in this franchise. he is THE character in the most popular game in the franchise, the only one with any personality, and he is popular because of that. i entirely understand disliking him, but god dislike him because hes a disgusting fucking freak or annoying or whatever like someone i respect would. "4.5/10" he has thousands of times the amount of character as p1. there is so much more you can do with him. because he is an entire character. whereas p1 *is* the story, p2 *is* the gameplay. and you play as him!!

p3- i genuinely cannot comprehend liking p3 more than p2. is it because hes more conventionally attractive? is it because hes more normal? whatever. this rating would stand whatever on its own honestly but paired with the others it drives me insane.

bd- "concept art version was way better" you mean the version from before he had a fucking personality?????!!!!!! man i bought the art book ive seen the concept art he looks exactly the fucking same. he still had the gown. do you mean the only piece of art where he didnt have the gown? the one singular image in which he didnt have the gown, the very same gown which was present throughout the rest of the design process? fuck of

"who gave him that gown? who let him walk outside like that" 1. its a DREAM its a DREAM did you play the game this was revealed in the first minute! even if you just looked at the art it *looks* like a dream because it is one! also the gown is based on the blanket hes sleeping under in the real world and its cute as fuck and such a good detail imo.

hes supposed to look silly sillyness is fucking awesome. this gane franchise is silly. p3 is silly. what do you even want....

and on that note personality-wise he is literally just a cross between p2 and p3.

genuinely convinced this person has NOT played or even looked at the game, and the lack of a rating for alt dude only supports this point.

again! it is perfectly fine to dislike him! but god! have a REASON for it, yknow? one that makes sense. like "hes insufferable and annoying and disgusting and the worst" or "hes just lame and boring honestly" or "i dont like his design/the game, because it doesnt appeal to my taste in art"

redux dude- HE IS NEARLY IDENTICAL TO P1 i cannot IMAGINE having this strong of a difference in opinion between them the changes between them are so subtle.

unless! its as i hypothesized and you only like the made up fanonized versions of these characters

movie dude- fuck you he is so whimsical and cute youre nuts not to find zack wards acting charming and silly....

p4- lower than p3 i fcuking cant. why. the shade to bd is what really kills me. i dont think youve played any of these games honestly. i dont think you know anything about them.

shtopor- i hate this so much "innocent trans icon angel" "bbg" im having trouble talking about how bad this take is on its own because of how violently disturbing it is to me.

c*rkscrew rules is such a garbage game with a shitty translation i refuse to belive this is your second favorite dude with that description honest to god. characterwise hes fucking whatever. hes fine. i love him so much. but 10/10? with that description? im fucking scared more than anything. i imagine it must be a joke but im so revolted i struggle to parse the purpose of it.

[angelo-the-doctor-of-feelings]

hi! i heard youre good with the whole shebang of feelings. so ive come to you for some advice, which you dont need to respond to if you dont want to. [also maybe tw? im not sure]

i forced myself to see some extremely distressing imagery three years ago. ever since then, I've had issues with it. it'll just pop up in my brain and not go away, and it causes me to have an anxiety attack typically, until i scribble it down hastily. is this a normal reaction to extremely disturbing images?? or could it be a sign of a bigger issue presenting itself to me as this??

thanks for any insight!

-R

Hello, R! 🧡

Forcing yourself to see these imagines doesn't sound like a good idea! Why did you do that?

From my experience, I still have nightmares from what happened a few years ago, which is a trauma response.

Yours could be a trauma response too, but I cannot tell with this little information. It doesn't have to be though. If it's fear related, then you might be afraid of the imagery & therefore your anxiety returns to you.

Trauma is an emotional or physical response to one or more physically harmful or life threatening events or circumstances with lasting adverse effects on your mental and physical well-being, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSHA).

This could be an event you’ve personally experienced, witnessed happening to someone else, heard about happening to a close loved one, or heard about through your job (e.g., first responder, social worker, therapist).

Seeing something incredibly threatening counts as well.

Your description of these images recurring to you frequently could stem from a trauma response, which could be clinically significant (such as PTSD & other conditions that fall under 'trauma and stressor-related disorders'). It doesn't have to, though, it could be something else:

Here is the definition of trauma in the DSM-5 which is required for diagnosing PTSD:

It requires “actual or threatened de4th, serious injury, or [other*] violence” (p. 271). Stressful events not involving an immediate threat to life or physical injury such as psychosocial stressors (e.g., divorce or job loss) are not considered trauma in this definition.

* I didn't feel comfortable with typing that one out, but I think we all know what that might be

In the DSM-4, your response to a traumatic event was factored into the diagnosis, namely whether you felt overwhelming fear, helplessness, or horror. In the DSM-5, this criterion was removed because many felt it’s such a common symptom that it can’t accurately predict whether you’ll develop PTSD.

So, I other words, it could be NOT clinically significant today.

I do want you to know that your individual experiences is valid!

✨️ Have a warm hug & some turtle taps on your head! ✨️

I hope Dr. Feelings was able to help out a bit! 🧡✨️

[counterphobes]

how did you get into typo + figured out your enneagram?

Got into it in middle school because I was mentally ill and took every personality quiz I could find😭 I would literally spend hours on quizlet. So naturally I just stumbled upon mbti at one point and then got into ennea after getting tumblr at 14. My first type was Intj because thats what the test gave me 💀

I figured out I was an Isfp because I sat down my sisters and made them read through horrid cringe mbti posts and they went "well yea the artist fits you most ofc" (cus im good at drawing) and yea it was right 😭 Sometimes u just gotta go simple and admit to yourself you're a stereotype

With baby's first ennea core I went for cp6w5 actually. I just read through the description and went "yeah this works for me 100%". My first tritype + iv was spsx 648 because I was convinced Im this mean and dark person, also any abused kid identifies with 8 at one point lol.

Then people told me I wasn't aggressive enough, that I was too caring and a doormat, so I typed as 9w8 sxsp. The 9 lasted for a couple of years, turned to 9w1. The spsx became sxsp cus ppl said I wasnt contra. Its funny how people used to tell me I was way too mellow and chill to be contraflow and now they all insist I'm overly aggressive and so so so undeniably contra😭 The only reason I went from sxsp to sxso is because ppl agreed I was very sp-blind (as u can see, I've never changed anything about my type by myself. I usually always asked ppl around me how I come across) and I'm very obviously sp-blind so it was a good call.

I only stopped typing as a 9 like..a bit more than a year ago? I went from 946 to a 2 core 295 tritype. I had always really related to 2 but never typed that way because people insisted I was too much of an edgelord and too selective of ppl to be one. Now I think its just being cp6 + FiSe + sx-dom. So I went with 2 for a bit, but honestly it didn't make much sense and the 5fix was just so I could blame all my obvious headcore behavior on it😭 goofy.

But yeah then I just went with cp6 again a couple months ago, can't believe I typed my core correctly at 14 and then it took me 6 years to type that way again. I think its accurate, the only thing im iffy on is if im a p6 or cp6 (im sxso so its kinda hard to tell for me)

I guess my way of typing myself has always been about getting feedback/relating to others but it wasn't always right. My advice would be (if you're asking for advice) to keep it simple, to not dive into your own traumas or passions or whatever too much. Thats not typology, thats personal. Just think about what makes you you in the most basic way, how do you react to others, what do others see? What actions do you take? I think one can often blind oneself a lot. You only know whats inside your head, not whats subconsciously lying in your brain and you can get very caught up in your own idea of self-image. Other people have a better chance at guessing this. They see your body language, your behavior, your essence much clearer tbh. Just..base it on tangible things in your life.

Hope this long ass answer is what you were looking for😭 (I use this emoji way too much)

[silasopossum]

just got the notification that my base is officially in transit to the USA, so im gonna discuss my plans for him rq :]

so basically, all my fursonas have historically been feline (once i got over my horse art phase. i was never really connected to my horse sona anyways). i WOULD have gotten a feline headbase, but the problem with that is very few makers specifically sell a BOBCAT base, it's usually a canadian lynx or domestic cat or lion or something. cool, but i love focusing on small details in species differences so it would bug me forever if i put my bobcat fursona on a canadian lynx base. the other issue is that if i DID make a fursuit for my bobcat sona, i would 100% want a realistic base, since her cartoony design changes so often. plenty of makers sell realistic 3d printed or resin bases, however i am NOT confident in my ability to transfer a realistic design onto a base myself (especially since most realism fursuits involve airbrushing. i dont think i could do that well in an ideal environment, much less my 115 square foot bedroom which is my only workspace). i just dont feel i would be able to do her justice... and i wouldnt really want a toony styled head for my actual fursona.

and making a base myself isn't an option because 1. i cant even sculpt clay symmetrically, it'd drive me crazy if i tried it and 2. aforementioned tiny apartment problems. im not dealing with foam going everywhere... OR learning how to 3d model and print or resin pour or whatever else people use to make fursuits.

so i was looking through makers just for funsies and then i found the opossum base by ligris cybernetics / ligrisprints. and idk why but every ounce of my impulsive body decided "YES. OPOSSUM FURSUIT. NOW." ive never even had an opossum fursona before so i have no idea why i was suddenly so sure about it. but i was! so i decided to just make a new character specifically for this project.

i decided on the name silas (at the URL implies) and i designed a quick character on the fly, based entirely off of photos of real opossums instead of already having an idea. this was interesting for me, since i didnt realize how common the white spots on opossum ears are? i always thought they were only black, but most photos i found showed a little bit of pink/white so i added it to the design

(quick sketch, drawn over the sale image on ligris cybernetics' website. i also loosely based this off of the stylization of my one other opossum character's design. the black bits under the eyes are going to be eyelashes, cut out of felt. the grey will PROBABLY be fur markings, but i might change that to black felt too)

opossums are also fairly easy to design, since they are typically recognizable with only two fur colors (white and grey), and their faces are usually mostly white. it'll be easier for me if i only have to buy two fur colors.

another thing i'm planning on is having handpaws- this will be easy since opossums always have naked fingers... so i'm planning on just buying a pair of fingerless gloves and adding fur to the glove part and leaving my fingers out. will be much easier to wear too

one thing im unsure of is how to fur a moving jaw... ill need to look up some tutorials for this. because i think if i dont add at least a little fur around the hinge, the mouth will look way too wide...

another small issue is that this maker tells tpu ears for basically any species EXCEPT opossums. so my plan is to buy some fosshape plastic and make ears out of that? ill also add minky fur OR felt to them to add the color patterns. i havent decided between the two yet, but i think painting the ears would look strange? even if it's technically more accurate for the real animal.

i also got some fur color swatches a few weeks ago. getting swatches from fursuitsupplies, i tried out baby pink monster, silver lux fox, super short white, silver beaver, and silver lux shag. i like the color of the silver lux fox best, but the texture of the lux shag seems better for an opossum character, so i'm unsure. the beaver feels nice but is too short for what i want the longer bits of fur to be. the super short is nice, but i will still probably get the fur all in one length and just shave it. the monster fur feels gross to touch so i'm definitely not using that. i already know what minky fabric is like so i didn't bother getting samples for that (but i probably will order samples when i decide concretely on what fur to get once the base comes in, just to be sure of the color before i spend money on it).

i'm thinking of covering the nose of the base with pink minky OR pink felt, but i'm not sure if that would work with the base, so i'll decide that once i actually get my hands on it. otherwise, i will be painting it. i also think i'm gonna make a tongue with minky fabric

tail will also be a thing. since opossum tails are prehensile, i want to make it posable... i thought about using plastic ball joints / doll spines, but i know from my longfurby adventures that those are kind of heavy, so i think i will use wire instead.

not gonna bother with a bodysuit, those sound hellish to walk around in. i'm just gonna wear long sleeves and long pants

another thing i an excited / nervous about is adding hair... i want silas to have hair. SPECIFICALLY revenge era gerard way hair

and i know a lot of fursuit makers create hair by putting together pulled-out yarn OR brushing out fur both ways... but i don't like how that looks. since if were meant to believe that a plush in the case of a fursuit tail is flesh, and fur is their actual skin/fur... then it's just like... amorphous globosus... or a gigantic skin tag / tumor... TO ME... many fursuits make this look amazing don't get me wrong but i just couldnt get it out of my head if it was on my own suit. so i decided that i'm going to try and weft the hair, like in this tutorial? https://www.tiktok.com/@chaoticreations/video/7334668616350092577 (sorry for tiktok link, i know this creator uploads to youtube but i couldn't find the short) and this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo4FCmT1DP8 i'm thinking that depending on how i'm able to fur the head, i might be able to make a kind of wig thing that magnets on? i don't want to add the hair directly onto the head in case it looks like shit and i get tired of it, so i want it easily removable. might use velcro instead... also want it really long in the back.

i also got the eye mesh pre-installed on the head by the maker. which will be easy for me if i like it... however i DID request slit pupils and i'm second guessing that decision right now. i'm also unsure if i shouldve made them green instead of grey... but i guess i'll see it once it arrives :]

i also was JUST barely in the sizing for a "small" size head according to this maker, but just to be safe i ordered a "medium" size head instead. if it's to big (which it probably will be), i'm going to add foam inside, which will probably make it more comfortable anyways. iirc you can also use foam to hide the hinges in moving jaws? so i can just use the foam for that too. not sure yet.

and i already have sandpaper and stuff for sanding down the 3d print. just gotta wait for it to arrive... probably a month since it's gonna go from poland to the usa... if it gets lost in shipping i WILL cry (since mail people love to just not deliver to my apartment complex. because apartments are haaaaaaaard to deliver to (even though all the doors are easily accessible from the street with no key necessary)...)

[otteroflore]

mlp opinions under cut

read a post online that was someone who didn't like g4 but liked g5 mlp and I decided to watch some clips and... woof that was bad.

theres a lot of subjectivity to the mlp style and aesthetics but for me what it boils down to is that the g5 ponies look like someone looked at g4 and made it 3D, as opposed to looking at an actual pony. I've seen people criticize g4 for being too cartoony and not looking enough like horses, but if you look at the development drawings you can tell that a lot of work was put into stylizing them in a specific way.

I kind of feel like g1 had that too, you can see how the ponies are stylized off real ponies, and then g3 has a similar problem to g5 where it feels more based off of the previous cartoons than looking at a real horse.

Anyways, that all isn't inherently a problem, it's a cartoon and highly stylized. I watched the g5 movie when it came out and it was fine, a little boring tbh but the ponies were okay, I like how they have realistic hair and their bodies look fuzzy. I really don't like how skinny they are, like the chibi body + big head was cuter in g4 when it was a 2D cartoon but looks bizarre as a 3D object to me

which segues into my other thing which is... the pony toys from the new generation are the ugliest in all of my little ponydom, and i didnt even like g4's toys much but they were like half a step above. i cannot get over how bad their bodies are.

when i was a kid i took an all-ages art class on how to draw a horse, and the 2 things i took away from it were: you start by drawing a bean shape for the body, and a circle with a rectangle as the face

like 99% of horses boil down to this shape

regardless of other anatomical (leg) errors, this is how g1 looked

this was true of the animation too, you can generally see a divot in their back

are the characters from mlp g4 cartoony? yes, but

despite shrinking both THE BEAN and the nose, its like the same shape, simplified.

every single one of the g5 toys has no bean, their body like... narrows at the waist so much which is so bizarre to me. but its like theyre allergic to giving it a curved shape so its just all flat lines. and i find the hooves so much more disturbing when detailed because none of the rest of it is anatomically accurate so WHY did they add more detail there. its the very epitome of that meme about fetishists drawing extremely detailed feet.

besides that, the head is placed?? ?at the center of the neck?? presumably to help them stand up because their back half is so skinny but it just looks hideous. the eyes are closer together and the face generally flatter so they look more "Anthro" from the front- g4 had them on model from the side instead, so if you looked at the front of the face their eyes would be far apart, but it would be more like how a horse has eyes on the sides of their head:

im not 100% on this but it also looks weirdly like the g5 hair was just put on top of the head, every g5 pony ive seen doesn't have a many, just like a ponytail at the top. the g4 ponies dont have hair all the way down their backs, but its far enough that it falls naturally like a mane.

also i for some reason cannot get this image comparizon out of my head. they dont look that similar, i think its the colors mostly, but once seen i cannot unsee.

anyways i hate these dolls so much, ive stared at them for too long. i was going to complain about how the voice acting in the show is extremelyy rough, the songs are all pop songs, the animation of the mouth is bizarre, the animation of the body is unnaturally fluid and anatomically bizarre, but ive ranted too much already. byeeee

[floweyyyyyy]

have a non exhaustive collection of assorted images and ideas ive collected for my idea of jane over time:

yeah ok i have more but they’re lost in my camera roll and i want to make this post now HELP some other things are:

i was a ballerina a good chunk of my life. i also had to quit bc my legs are all fucked up. if this is not a role i can get into physically i don’t even know what is HELP i like the marionette idea and i grew up with the nutcracker dolls (that was my dream. i never wanted to be the sugarplum fairy or the snow queen my dream was those doll motherfuckers) and i really liked the way they moved and stood up. it was COOL.

also this doesn’t really count technically but my dear dear older brother is playing noel and you BET there’s gonna be some Dynamic there.

i know i like the hair and general vibes from the second one (just a different color. i’m gonna have to wear a wig to get hair long enough to do what i want so i get to have fun with it) and kind of the makeup from the second one.

no clue. most of this was made as a way to get it out of my head and does not accurately describe everything i’m thinking about. I am very tired. this post is dedicated to @janeya

hi

[harleyjohnsonbcu]

My finished looklook: Evaluation

I like my front and pack pages because I think they represent my trend as they remain minimalistic, but are also mood-boosting and eye-catching. The direct contrast between the swirls and the harsh lines of the staircase encapsulates my trend because it's about two elements working together in harmony. To improve these pages I would increase the size of the text so it's clearer, and edit the back page by balancing it out with two smaller models rather than having one placed off centre. I think I could have extended the swirly lines even further on the back page to finish it off nicer and solidify my theme that I've had running all the way through.

I think my narrative page is successful because it clearly shows my colour palette and it has dimension because of the purple lines which look like they are coming off of the page. My architecture images adds to the mood of my trend because it shows structured shapes in a colourful and exciting way like the garments. The garments on this page instantly give an insight to my key shapes and fabrics to keep it consistent across my whole lookbook. One way I would edit this page if I was going to do this again is the change the layout of this page, because my design in the middle might get lost when printing. I edited the colour wrapping around the photo to make it bigger so that it should be seen more, but I would try and find a way so that my design doesn't get disrupted in the middle. I think my body text is successful because it gives a general summary of my trend discussing key garments, colours and shapes. If I could improve this page I would like add something else such as in image or text to fill the space at the bottom. I think I should have edited the colour underneath the text to ensure it can all be seen clearly, as the M is slightly cut off.

I think my key garment shapes and colour palette is successful because it combines them both in a way that flows. I think I have chosen key shapes that are shown throughout my lookbook so that they are clearly communicated, and are an accurate representation of my trend. Ive also added some primary images to show some fabrics that I have found myself to show what my key fabrics look like. To improve this page i's try to use different images that are better quality and zoomed in closer so that the texture of the fabric is really clear. Id also edit the subheadings listing the fabrics to incorporate them on the page better so that they are still readable but don't stand out as much. I think my colour headings are successful because they are clear to read and look effective but I think I should have made it clearer which name links to each colour.

I think my key shapes page is successful because I present all of my key shapes throughout my lookbook on four models. The subheadings are easy to read and are placed next to the garment so they're easily communicated. I have included some other images of a key fabric (linen) in between the swirls and in the circle which is good as it is a way to communicate some fabrics on this page as well as the ket materials page. I think the page matches the others and flow well, because the colours are the same and it has architecture to go along with the theme. I think it communicates my trend because it gives the key shapes, some materials and colour on one page, and the fluid shapes and the architecture add to the mood to show the fluidity mixed with ridged shapes, like how the structured garments are more relaxed with the fit of the garment and the colour. To improve this page I would edit or change the image on the right side underneath the model because it mostly gets covered, it's difficult to see the shapes and understand what it is.

Overall, I think my lookbook fits the brief because it contains the key materials, garment shapes and colour palette, and the narrative of my trend is presented all the way through. I've presented good use of image manipulation in Photoshop and accurate use of Indesign in this project. If my lookbook was going to be used in industry, I would develop it by adding more pages to the trend can be communicated even clearer, as well as and show a better display and quantity of key fabrics so a company would be completely sure about what kinds of fabrics they would need to buy for the upcoming season. I would also update it with a page displaying key designs and patterns to give a brand more information.

[scarsbloodandleather]

okay rant post.

when i realize i have the objectively best music taste and aestehtic visuals for hbo spn even though im two years late, its worth it. man ive seen some playlists and “aesthetic” images for “hbo” spn with lots of likes and reposts and im thinking like. these images are grainy and not even the same filter or really dont make sense. the playlists are the worst. literally theyll be like “because hbo spn is grimey and punk” and then the first song is olivia rodrigo. just smash my head with a brick please.. like none of the songs make sense. theres like fucking billie eyelash and mother mother on so many playlists…… do we even watch the same show…. hbo spn is literally the first 5 season aesthetics, just these raw contrasted close scenes of random cryptic objects and symbolism. the music is the first season and how they had a bunch of underground 2000s metal like so underground you cant even find most of it on spotify and if so they have like less than 100 monthly listeners. LITERALLY THE SHIFTER EP. hbo spn still gotta be strictly pre-2005 songs as much as possible. theres a few songs i have in mind that are more modern that i might just try to slip in if i dont go until their year. shhh its my universe. Someone Else’s Bed by Hole actually came out in 5 years before the release date because i needed it to. in this alternate universe dean lives up to this scary accurate song that definitely came out 2002. didnt come out 2010. what are you talking about.

and the fact that ive only JUST now found one other person who agrees that they cant be SUPER body modded because… theyre fucking fugitives for gods sake. their fits in the og show are actually genius bc they look like the most basic white men ever. hbo spn just needs a little flair and unique-ness. they can still go out in public wearing jackets to cover up tattoos or dress up as feds and put on makeup to cover up scars and a few stray accidentally badly placed tattoos you know. and when their not hunting or doing something where they could get caught, hell, give them some punk jackets with patches galore. they still dye their hair but not crazy colors, or maybe they do like what if sam gets arrest and they put out an warrant for someone with bleach blonde hair but also have another warrant for sam with black hair at the same time, okay, easy, go green for a while or something. idk.

[trashforhockeyguys]

Don’t Hold Me -20- Carter Hart

A/N: So umm the whole thing takes place in a hospital. Mentions of serious injuries, and all that goes with that. Other than that though, nothing too triggering? I don’t think? As always all previous parts are linked in my master list.

Travis scanned over all of the articles that came out as soon as it became public knowledge who was involved. The media team was doing everything they could to keep it quiet and control the coverage, but news crews were already set up outside of the hospital. They didn’t know who did it. Carter didn’t know the guy, nor could he give an accurate description. It was too dark, it all happened too fast. All anyone knew was that you nearly died. Hell, you still could. 

Travis locked his phone and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He’d never seen you look so pale, even all those years ago. You looked twenty times worse now. They were told that you lost a significant amount of blood before anyone could get to you. Travis couldn’t even think about Carter trying to keep you from bleeding out in the street. 

Carter, of course, wouldn’t talk about it. He refused to leave, just like Ethan. But Kora eventually convinced both of them that they needed showers and food. But Carter also had to go to the rink. The media team thought it would be best if they held a press conference. Especially since the media was reporting that Carter had been hurt as well. But physically, he was fine. Mentally though? Travis knew this wasn't something he’d get over easily. None of them would.

Your parents were stuck at home, they couldn’t get on a flight out here, nor could they take the time off from work. They tried everything they could think of, but they just couldn’t. So when Ethan wasn’t here, Travis was in charge of sending them as many updates as he could. Nolan would stop by from time to time to bring Travis something, or just sit with him so he wouldn’t be alone while Kora and Ethan were gone. 

“She looks better today,” Nolan said, sliding into the chair on the other side of your bed. 

“She looks like shit,” Travis mumbled, “They said the biggest concern now is going to be infection.”

Nolan reached over and carefully grabbed one of your hands, “She’s still cold.”

Travis nodded slowly, “They did another blood transfusion like an hour ago. Apparently her body is still trying to regulate.”

Nolan reached for his phone, he scrolled through a couple of notifications, “They’re going to announce that they’ve postponed the game tomorrow. Other teams are reaching out with support. And Carter is about to go live, do you want me to turn it on?”

He shook his head, “No. I don’t want her to hear it.”

Nolan, for the life of him, couldn’t imagine exactly what Travis was feeling. He loved you, sure. But he didn’t love you anywhere near how Travis did. You were Travis’ little sister, the sister he never had. He’d never seen Travis act so protective over anything before he saw him with you. 

He was with Travis when he got the call. Ethan and Kora had just fallen asleep. Carter couldn’t get ahold of anyone else, so he called the first person he knew would be there. Nolan spent the entire drive to the hospital trying to calm down everyone, not just Travis, but Ethan and Kora too. Even Nolan wasn’t sure how he was able to stay so calm. 

“She’ll pull through,” Nolan assured his teammate. 

“I don’t know what I’ll do if she doesn’t.”

Meanwhile, across town, Carter was in a cold sweat. He hated the media to begin with, much less in a situation like this. He had to practically be dragged from the hospital by Kora and Ethan. He’d refused to leave your side. Everything was a blur at this point, but he knew that he didn’t let go of your hand once until you were being wheeled into an operating room. 

He couldn’t remember all of the terms that the doctors rattled off after you came out. Kora was the one who had enough presence of mind to ask them to use simple terms so everyone knew what was happening. But all Carter could hear was that you lost too much blood before you were brought in, that you’d flatlined several times. That it could still be touch and go. 

“Carter? They’re ready for you.”

His hands shook as he followed everyone into the room and towards his seat behind the table. Cameras started flashing automatically. When the Flyers said that a statement was being made, no one thought Carter would be the one to make it. The media was reporting that he’d been hospitalized too. He wished it was him, and not you. 

He blindly answered the questions that were thrown at him. The media team coached him on what needed to be said, less was more. Especially given that they didn’t even have any leads on who did this. 

Everytime he closed his eyes he saw you in his arms, growing paler by the second, as he screamed for someone to help. He wasn’t sure that he would ever get that image out of his head. How could he?

Kora was waiting outside the arena. Her hair was wet like she’d just showered. She was in oversized sweatpants with an old faded sweatshirt to match. She held her arms out, offering Carter a much needed hug. For a second he wondered if he wouldn’t just fall apart right there in the parking lot. 

“C’mon, I’ll take you back to Travis’ place, it’s closer to the hospital,” She told him, “You need to sleep.”

“No, I need to go back to the hospital,” He replied quickly. 

“Carter, you’ve been up for over twenty four hours,” Kora explained, “You won’t do her much good if you’re sleep deprived.”

But when he looked at her, with eyes filled with so much pain, she knew she couldn’t keep him away from you. So, Kora just held Carter as tightly as she could before promising to take him back to the hospital after he at least ate some food. 

The scene at the hospital hadn’t changed though. The rest of the boys were still crowded around you. Nolan came out to meet Kora as Carter rushed in to join Travis and Ethan. But Kora couldn't bring herself to walk in, not yet at least. She didn’t want to see you like that, not up close. 

So instead she handed Nolan a coffee cup and leaned against the wall, “How’s Travis?”

“A fucking wreck,” Nolan breathed out, rubbing his face with his free hand, “Did you get Carter to eat?”

Kora nodded, “Barely.”

Nolan looked behind him, studying his friends gathered in your little room, “The doctor stopped by about half an hour ago, they want to try to back off her sedatives this afternoon. Her vitals have held long enough apparently.”

It seemed that there was a little light to the day. If Kora understood Nolan well enough, you were out of the woods now. Save for the potential recovery complications, but enough that they were willing to try to wake you up.

She took a deep breath, feeling like her chest was going to cave in from the weight that settled on it the moment they got the first call, “You should go home Nol. I can take care of them.”

He forced a small smile, “Yeah but who’s gonna take care of you?”

She shrugged, eyes focused on the three boys huddled around your bed. Kora wondered what would’ve happened had none of you gone out. If you’d all gone right home, rather than staying late at a club. Maybe none of you would be here right now. 

“I’m going to go grab some food across the street,” Nolan said quietly, “Call me if something changes.”

He had to fight himself from looking back at you in the bed. You looked so different from the girl he’d come to love like a sister. Definitely not to the same level as Travis. But he found it to be impossible to be around you for very long without feeling protective over you, just like he was with his own sisters. Nolan never really thought that he’d have to imagine a world where you wouldn’t be around. But now he had, and he didn’t like it. 

You just seemed to make the world better. He wanted that back sooner rather than later.  

It was several hours later when you felt yourself being pulled from the dark. Reality started coming back to you, and that’s when the panic set in. Your heart started to race as you felt the pain, at first what felt like a dull ache felt like a white hot iron being plunged into you. You wanted to scream out, but you couldn’t. You could barely move. 

“Y/N? It’s okay, you’re safe.”

You knew that voice. The same calming voice you’d heard all your life. Ethan shouldn’t be here. You were in a dark part of town, alone on the sidewalk. No...not alone. Carter. Carter was with you. 

“Y/N, I need you to relax, okay? Please,” Ethan seemed to beg.

Your eyes finally opened to stark white lights. You could hear the rapid beeping of a machine next to you, it sounded like a warning. You tried to move, to speak, to do anything, but the pain only worsened. Even breathing hurt. 

“Hey, there you are,” Ethan let out a broken laugh that seemed to almost border a sob. 

You couldn’t think straight, but you knew none of this seemed right. This wasn’t where you were supposed to be. Your head felt like it would split open before you could even get a word out. Your body didn’t feel right. None of it felt right.

“Hurts,” You forced out, the effort of the one word made everything worse. 

“Okay, okay. Hold on, I’ll get a nurse,” Ethan reached over and pushed some sort of button and a few seconds later a nurse came strolling in. 

Everything felt cloudy to you. Like you couldn’t quite wake up all the way. The nurse said a few words to you before moving to your IV port. Pain medication, that’s what she was doing. Maybe without the searing pain you could think. Why did it hurt so much?

“There you go sweetheart,” The nurse said gently, “That should help. You just call us if you need anything else.”

Ethan said a quick thank you, not taking his eyes off of you. You wondered just how bad you must’ve looked. Your whole body felt stiff and heavy. The pain dulled just enough. Almost like the sun breaking through a thick layer of clouds. 

“Carter? Where-”

“He’s fine,” Ethan said quickly, “Kora made him and Travis leave so they could sleep.”

You felt your body relax just a little. He was okay. Zachary didn’t touch him. He was safe. You could take all the pain, as long as you were the only one who had to deal with it. 

“How bad?” You questioned, voice straining. 

You could tell just by the way that Ethan’s face changed that it wasn’t good. Hell, just by the way your body felt it wasn’t good. You could remember little bits and pieces of what happened. But it was like things kept going in and out of focus. 

“Pretty bad. Don’t ever do that to me again,” He begged, “I swear to god. I thought we’d lost you.”

You held his hand, tightening your grip on it. It seemed you hadn’t really come all that far from where you were in high school. There was a time when you were in this exact same situation. You hated that he had to go through this again. Once again, Zachary proved that he would do anything, he simply didn’t care. He never had. 

Some silly part of you still had hope that deep down he cared. Maybe if for just a second. You thought he wouldn’t be capable of something like this. Despite everything, despite all you knew and all he’d put you through, you still had a sliver of hope.

“You look like shit,” You tried to joke. 

“And you look like hell,” He replied flatly, “But you almost died, several times, so I’m allowed to look like shit.”

You nodded, knowing he’d been through enough. Not just in the last few days, but ever since Zachary came into your life. You once hoped that coming to Philly would mean a fresh start for you, but once again he proved that nothing changed. She was still the same little girl, so afraid of her own shadow. 

“I’m going to go call mom and dad,” Ethan said softly, “You just get some rest. I’ll be back in a bit.”

You nodded, trying to relax back into the bed. Every little movement hurt. You knew if you looked under the thin hospital gown that your midsection would be bandaged up. You didn’t want to know the details yet. Part of you still thought you could wake up from this nightmare. Maybe if you didn’t know you could act like it wasn’t that bad. 

But then the thought of what you told Carter before it all happened….You couldn’t go to Canada now. You couldn’t do that to him. Zachary could easily follow you there. It obviously wouldn’t be the first time that he tracked you down hundreds of miles from home. You felt sick. This really wouldn’t end. He would always be there in some way or another. You’d always carry these scars around. 

You would never really be free, and Carter would never really be safe.