#this post took one million years to type out because the cat is sitting on my lap and he would really like to put his head in my armpit.

[chiropteracupola]

tagged by @kigiom in this funky little game! thanks ol' pal!

rules: post the last line/snippet of what you wrote and tag as many people as there are words.

it is once again a flintlock fortress thing, which Julien was not supposed to be in, but slithered into anyway. this is probably partially because I missed writing him after finishing that last fic and also because there's nothing else I'm working on right now that both contains Julien and is suitably early on in the plot.* so a story which was previously just Fun With Lancets now has a Julien Laurent Is Frenchly Judgemental And A Little Bit Mean About His Co-Workers sideplot.

[Nonchalant, he struck his flint across the corner of Ludwig’s medical case and lit his pipe. Smoke wafted gently as he cast his eye over its contents, and Julien inhaled with a carefully-controlled enthusiasm, glad to have finished with his concealment. He brushed a gloved fingertip across the blade of the bonesaw, his own furrowed brows reflected in the highly-polished steel.

Ludwig was competent, that was for certain, although perhaps a little too enamored of that particular tool for Julien’s comfort. As for the rest of the men that had been hired on… Julien picked his way across a newly boot-scuffed floor and grimaced.]

Whether or not they were much more than a collection of useless, war-mad cretins would remain to be seen.

and I do not think I have 20 whole people to tag, so I shall simply say @dxppercxdxver, @wilhelmina-murray-harker, @sailorpants, @sanguinarysanguinity, @tgarnsl, @cedarboots, @clockheartedcrocodile, @natdrinkstea, @kaxen, and @wromwood, if you'd like to share?

*look, I'm trying to break my habit of refusing to ever write proper explanations of characters or stories that are more on the original side, and flintlock tends to fall more into that category with the way I talk about it despite the fact that this is in actuality still fic.** so I'm making an attempt to focus on stuff that is At The Beginning and Provides Relevant Context at the moment.

**this is wretchedly distant from the actual video game it is based on but the fact remains that we didn't make up these guys, only their extremely overthought backstories and funny little outfits.

[elysianslove]

Hiii! I loved your Iwa fluff headcanons and was wondering if you could do one with Suna? thanks <3

yesyesyes i would love to!!! iwaizumi’s version. 

↬ when suna was younger, he really, really wanted a pet bunny. like he really, really loved bunnies, and would beg his parents day and night for one. he even made a really badly edited powerpoint on bunnies and why he deserves one (aside the editing, it was a very persuasive powerpoint. they filmed him while he presented it and the video haunts him to this day). his parents were relentless, though, and didn’t get him his bunny. instead, though, they surprised him with a cat. a cat isn’t as high maintenance since they’re very independent creatures, but can also be very fun. they figured any pet would make him happy. they were wrong. suna hated her so much and would never interact with her. like to the point where he nicknamed her “bitch” and now she mainly answers to that instead of her name. but all that only worked against him, and the cat just kept getting more and more attached to him.

↬ suna now loves her so much, and she’s just as attached to him. like he would kill for her, honestly. it’s his cat >>> everyone else. he has an album on his phone dedicated to pictures and videos of only her, and her bed is in his room because she always ends up sleeping there anyways. he realized later on when he grew older that a cat was the perfect animal for him, and he’s not sure if it’s a parents thing and they really knew or they were just winging it and hoping for the best, but she’s his favorite ever and he would risk it all for her.

↬ his favorite sleeping position with her would be when he’s casually laying on his back scrolling through his phone and she comes and crawls along him to lay on his chest. the warmth he feels within his chest like he just gets so giddy.

↬ suna is crazy obsessed with serial killer documentaries, horror movies, unsolved mysteries, everything like that. his favorite pastime is watching and reading these things, but honestly, it’s not even a like, “wow that’s so cool,” and more of a, “suna what is wrong with you???” type of thing, because he’s the type to have like insidious 2 in the background as he does his homework or gets ready or something. it’s kind of scary how unfazed he is with things like that.

↬ but! yeah he’s extremely brave when it comes to horror movies, borderline unhinged, but his biggest fear? his phobia, if you will? spiders. insects in general, really. he will scream like a sixth grader that’s yet to hit puberty if he sees a spider crawling near him. once he was peeing in the miya twins’ bathroom and some kind of cockroach crawling on the wall and nearly fainted. thank god he was already peeing because he would’ve pissed his pants either way. it’s so embarrassing for him, so he’s so good at hiding it. he just freezes impossibly when he notices an insect and doesn’t take his eye off of it until someone else notices it and kills it. there was this instance when they were at a training camp and he kept feeling as if something was crawling on him, but assumed it was just really hot and his skin was tingling from that. something was crawling on him, though, and it was not just really hot. Top 10 Most Traumatic Moments of his life, especially because atsumu’s first instinct was to record the whole thing.

↬ suna is extremely, and i mean extremely, touch-starved. physical touch has always made him uncomfortable for a reason unknown to him, so he never really accepted hugs or kisses from his family, and would feel so icky if he was roped into a group hug b by his teammates. so when he met you, he thought you’d be so against the fact that he’s uncomfortable with it, because who would want a partner that doesn’t wanna touch or be touched? turns out he actually craves it, and needs it badly, he just needed to take his own time and pace approaching it, and with how understanding you were, he doubted he could ever figure this out without you. he just took it slow, you know? but the more he touched you — held your hand, pinched your cheek, rested his head on your shoulder, pecked your lips for a few seconds longer than last time — the more he wanted you.

↬ when suna became comfortable with the thought and idea that yeah, he actually craves physical touch so damn bad, he wouldn’t stop touching you every second he could. he became insanely clingy, no matter if you were in public or alone. just always has a hand on you at all times. when he’s alone with you, he’s always trying to cuddle with you. you wanna sit and chill on your phone and not really talk? sure, just come do it with your head on his chest. you wanna watch a movie and munch on some popcorn and possibly share a drink? of course he’d love to! just come sit between his legs with your popcorn on your lap so he can steal some and also offer you some sips from the drink. you don’t wanna hug him after a game cause he’s too sweaty? that’s too bad, he wasn’t asking for permission. so you see, suna is a clingy mf. like latches onto you like a koala clingy <3

↬ suna’s music taste is very diverse. his favorite genre is alternative and rock, like the neighborhood, arctic monkeys, etc, but he also loves, loves loves glitchcore music, but also will un-ironically listen to kpop, and rap, and hannah montana’s old music too because why not. he just doesn’t care. if a song is good, it’s good. so what if it caters to a bunch of 12 year olds and not him? who decides that anyways?

↬ suna is very good at hair. like so good. as his sister started to get older, and her hair grew longer, she would sometimes ask him to do it for her before school. at first he was terrible at it, except maybe ponytails cause his hair was long enough at some point to push back into a ponytail, but everything else like parting her hair for pigtails or doing braids or a bun… he was just awful. so, in response, he’d just practice. he’d watch videos as he’s doing his little sister’s hair and be so focused, with his tongue sticking out a little and his eyes squinting as he tries to get it accurate. eventually, he becomes a master at it! you find this out when one day, as you’re just over at his house, his sister comes into his room with a hair tie and a brush and he just carries her up onto his lap and braids her hair as he chats with you and it was so endearing and so impressive and you genuinely believe that was the moment you realized you were in love with him.

↬ he offers to do your hair for you all the time now!! especially if you’ve just showered and are too lazy to brush it and tie it in some way, so he does it for you. he’s actually so, very gentle when brushing your hair, you don’t even feel a thing. if anything, it makes you really sleepy.

↬ when he joined the national team and started to become more and more of a public figure, he’d send you really explicit fan art of him and other teammates he was shipped with just to piss you off. if he was feeling really bold, he’d send you smut written about him. he says he wants to make you jealous. he just wants to provoke you in every way possible, really. one time someone made an edit plot twisting you and him to him and like atsumu so he downloaded video star and made such a bad edit of you and him and posted it on his twitter and instagram and it went viral. like it was one of those edits of just pictures flipping and hearts flashing and lights spasming all over the screen it was so bad it made you cry with laughter. that was his way of telling the world, no one but this person for me, right here <3

↬ i think he’d be very good at doing chores and cleaning and all that, despite how lazy he is. i just think it’s a habit kind of thing, where he grew up doing laundry and making his bed and cleaning his room and washing the dishes that he genuinely doesn’t mind doing it cause it’s natural for him. and he’s learnt to enjoy it.

↬ suna’s favorite color was deep, deep purple at some point, but now it’s between green and black.

↬ he’s caught up with all seasons of keeping up with the kardashians. please don’t ask him why, he doesn’t even know.

↬ once when you were out with him you just gave him a rock that was on the floor and he’s kept that rock with him ever since. like it’s in the drawer next to his bed and sometimes he just takes it out and holds it in his hand while he’s doing homework or scrolling through his phone.

↬ he spams you a lot. like at any time time of the day he just sends you a million videos of him doing the most mundane things; he sends you a video of him eating some almonds and at the end it’s just him going, “i’s good,” or him lip-syncing a song you sent him to listen to, or him trying to do eyeliner because why not. or maybe it’s pictures of him and it’s always ridiculous: him exaggerating him thinking, and then captioning it “thinking,” or just a picture of him on the roof with a peace sign and a pretty smile, or a close up photo of his face saying, “miss u.”

↬ he also spams you with memes all the time. and there’s no set type, it’s just all kinds. really corny memes and really cursed memes, wholesome memes and also memes that bully you. it’s all about the versatility.

↬ suna loves to sleep, he really does, but before meeting you, the only place where he could properly fall into a deep sleep was his bed. after meeting you, anywhere where you were next to him was the perfect place to sleep. if he had your presence near him he could sleep, it didn’t matter, especially if he was resting on your lap or shoulder or gripping onto your hand or resting his legs on your lap. he just wants you close to him, you know? like he feels so safe and comfortable when you’re around, it kind of scares him if he’s honest.

[falcqns]

my little flower

pairing: dad!bucky barnes x mom!reader

summary: bucky’s daughter turns one.

warnings: angst, and fluff. probably canon errors but i don’t have the comics on hand sorryyyyy

a/n: just me expressing emotion through mr boobky boobernoobs. also the little letter the reader has written is what i have written for my daughters birthday. LASTLY i know i have a story for Henry Cavill and his daughters name is lavender and i was gonna change it but then it wouldn’t make sense so i just kept it yk. anyways, hope you enjoy.

Bucky glanced at the clock for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

he was alternating between looking at the clock, his phone, and his sleeping daughter.

she turned one tomorrow, and he had no clue what to write. there were so many things he wanted to say, but he knew he had limited space on instagram captions to do so.

he wasn’t into instagram too much, but some how Sam and Wanda had convinced him to post for his daughters birthday. he had a few other pictures of you and her, and one or two of him on there already.

posting those seemed so easy for him. he took the picture, thought of a caption pre war Bucky would use, and hit post.

but when it came to his daughters birthday? the 106 year old was clueless.

he had asked you for advice, and you had just told him to remember what it felt the first time he held her, which was not helpful, because the first thing he felt was fear.

then, an overwhelming and crushing sense of love. like everything made sense. everything was clearer, because of the tiny little baby in his arms. he was terrified. more scared than he was when he was hanging on to that train for dear life, hoping he could just reach Steve’s hand. more scared than when he knew his memories of Steve and Rebecca and everyone in his past was fading due to Zola and Hydra.

a million times more scared than when he watched himself dust away in that beautiful Wakandan forest.

he was scared, but at the same time, he felt so safe. it was the same kind of safe he felt with you, but more intense. he knew that the little girl he was holding would never judge him for his past. all she would do is love him, love her Tătic.

Tătic. he had heard a Romanian child say it when he was seeking refuge in Bucharest, and he knew that’s what he wanted to be called. not dad, daddy, dada, papa, or any other versions of father. he wanted Tătic.

he felt safe, at home even, in Bucharest. yes, his apartment was rather shitty, but it was his. he had something materialistic and tangible that was fully his, after not having anything, not even his own body, to himself for over 50 years.

Bucky refocused his eyes on his phone, and decided to glance at what you had posted. he sighed as he realized that it was absolutely beautiful, and that nothing he could do would top it.

it was a video of all the firsts that Bucky had insisted on recording. he remembered sitting in his bed, in Bucharest, a few weeks after getting there. he had been thinking about Rebecca, and suddenly, a memory of her first steps came to him. he saw her little chubby body wobble before she took her first steps into their mother’s waiting arms. Bucky knew he couldn’t have been too old, but immediately started sobbing when he realized he’d never get to relive that moment. he didn’t stop sobbing for a good few hours. out of happiness, sadness, regret, he didn’t know. he had scrambled to grab a journal and wrote down every detail of that moment, before stuffing it in his go bag.

reliving it wasn’t something he’d ever thought about before, in 1945. there weren’t affordable video cameras, and there was no way to store them forever. so when Lavender came along, he insisted that every little first be recorded so he could relive it over and over again.

he watched as she took her first breath, rolled for the first time, crawled for the first time, said her first word (it was ‘plum’) and walked for the first time.

his eyes drifted down to the paragraph, and focused on reading the words.

‘lavender.

your name represents purity, silence, devotion, calmness, serenity, and grace. i gave you this name because i know you will represent all of those things. i named you after Lavender Brown from Harry Potter. Lavender was a beautiful, strong, and amazing character. she showered Ron with love, and adoration, which is all i have felt this past year of being your mama. you remind me of Lavender in so many ways. from the smiles i get to see in the morning, to the cuddles i get at night, to the way you, just this week, saw another child crying in daycare and went and offered your toy up without a second thought. you then hobbled away, and found a new toy. you never came to me to show you what you did, you never took another child’s toy now that yours was gone, you just did it. that is something Lavender did. Lavender gave everything to Ron without a second thought. she may not have been appreciated, but i will appreciate you and all of the little things that you do to help others, even at just a year old. you bring light and love to whoever is near you. you love with your whole being, which i adore. you’re only one, but you put your hands in the air and sing (babble, really) along to every single praise song, you dance, you sit quietly during prayer, and most importantly you love God with everything in your tiny little body. from the moment the nurses laid your even tinier body on my chest, it was just you, me, and your father. i had dreamed of that moment for years, but nothing compared to it. one year ago today, you were placed on my chest, a screaming red little bundle, and you instantly calmed down. i remember looking down at you and being so happy that i finally had my little girl. i remember thinking “God really sent me an angel in the form of a baby,” which is EXACTLY what he did. you are my sweet baby girl, and always will be. i will love and. adore you for the rest of my life. my sweetie pie, my Laffy Taffy, my love. my little flower, Lavender. happy birthday.’

how could he follow that?

he took another glance at the crib that sat at the end of the bed, and watched as his daughter sighed, and pushed her diapered butt up in the air before continuing to snooze.

he looked down at his phone, and decided to just follow his heart. let the words flow. it didn’t matter if it made sense, but he wanted the world to know just how much he loved her.

he took a deep breath, and began to type.

‘lavender rebecca barnes.

there are so many words that i could use to describe how wonderful, sweet, kind, adorable, and gracious you are, but even all of those could never fully express how much i love you, and how much you mean to me.

when your mom told me about you, i was terrified. i have done so many bad things in my life, why was God rewarding me with a tiny little human? i spent so many nights praying to God that i would never hurt you. that you would never see me as the world does. that you would never judge me for the things that i did.

but i didn’t have to worry. the second i saw your little face, all of those stresses and anxieties melted away. as i held you, i realized that you were mine. fully mine. having something of my own is something that i was deprived of for many years, and one day you will learn about that.

when i held you for the first time, i was petrified. you were tiny. the smallest, but most real thing i had ever held. you didn’t cry, you just gazed up at me. almost as if you knew i was your Tătic. that you knew i was your father.

your mother tells me that when babies are born, they don’t understand the grasp of ‘mother and father’, they more recognize who is a safe caregiver and who isn’t.

you, without a hesitation, recognized me as a safe caregiver, and have stood by that every one of these last 365 you have graced me, your mother, and everyone around you with your presence.

it has been a pleasure to watch you grow, and as much as it makes me sad knowing that one day you’ll know the truth about me, i know you won’t judge me. i know you will love me for me. the man who created you, who helped give you life.

you are such a special little girl, and i can only hope to show you just how special you are for the rest of my life.

i love you, lavender rebecca barnes.’

his thumb shook as it hovered over the post button, but he pressed it anyways. the screen brought up a loading symbol for less than a second, and then the post was there.

he shut off his phone, and placed it on the charger next to him, before getting up and walking to the crib.

he lifted her out, and laid her on his chest, before walking back to the bed and sitting down carefully. he gazed down at his daughter, a fact that still blew his mind, as she slept so soundly, even with the coolness of the metal arm probably seeping through the fabric of her white kitty cat onesie.

he glanced over at the clock, and didn’t stop the tear that rolled down his face when it hit 12:00.

“happy birthday, my little flower.”

[lumini-317]

Hello!

This will be my official “introductory” post!

My real name is Erica, but I go by many names. My nickname repertoire includes but is not limited to: Lumi, Lumini, Cricket (I have a habit of rubbing my feet together, lmao), Jinx, Eri, Er, EriJoy, Sunbaeby, and Aceir (my real name but in alphabetical order).

This is my first ever Tumblr blog. I’ve had it for a while but have rarely posted anything, that along with the fact that I’m on mobile is kind of a mess so I apologize for mistakes and all that.

I have 3 older brothers, an older sister, and a younger brother.

I’m an ambivert. Sometimes I love hanging out with bigger groups of people, other times I dread it.

I’ve taken the “16personalities” test 4 times and all 4 put me in the “Diplomat” category, however I got “Advocate” (INFJ) 2 times, and “Protagonist” (ENFJ) and “Mediator” (INFP) 1 time each.

I am LGBTQ+. I’m asexual, aro+panromantic flux, and while I feel like I’m genderfluid, the changes are very subtle and so I sometimes just go with agender, gendervoid, or neutrois. It’s a lot less complicated that way. I’m ambiamorous, and also pronoun apathetic!

I love whump. I’ve loved it for as long as I can remember but only found the whump community maybe 3(?) years ago.

I also love K-Pop, C-Pop, J-Pop, and Asian dramas, mainly K-Pop and K-Dramas, though.

I’m a HUGE multistan. ATEEZ, SKZ, TBZ, EXO, BTS, Red Velvet, SHINee, iKON, MONSTA X, TWICE, TO1, WANNA ONE, SuperM, X1, MIRAE, Ciipher, Golden Child, Purple Kiss, BAE173, SF9, IU, ONEUS, ONEWE, The Rose, PIXY, LUCY, STAYC, WEi (which I pronounced as “way” for an embarrassingly long time), Dreamcatcher, Brave Girls, TXT, ENHYPEN, SNSD, KARD, AKMU, SHAUN, Gaho, NCT, GHOST9, 1team, SE7EN, Cross Gene, D1ce, AB6IX, CRAVITY, BLACKPINK, CIX, VIXX, f(x), 4Minute, CLC, YEZI, B.I, Wonho, (G)I-DLE, EVERGLOW, SEVENTEEN, BROOKLYN, Ha Hyunsang, DAY6, GOT7, Teen Top, BAP, TREASURE, UNIQ, etc! It goes on, far longer than I can list. I am also very much against fanwars, they disgust me.

I’m also a HUGE animal lover, and a big softie. I can’t even squish insects. I don’t care that they can’t feel pain and don’t experience emotions, I just can’t bring myself to. I make it my mission to save any type of animal I come across. I find toads in our koi pond and immediately pick them out and take them to a safe place. I help turtles across the road. I got a mouse out of a puddle and revived it, releasing it when it was healthy enough. I saw a snail on a piece of wood that was going to be thrown on a fire and carefully pulled it off and put it somewhere else. So far I’ve found 5 stray cats (Piper, Toothless, Felix, Kai, and Kit Kat—all were found as skinny, sickly kittens) and took them in, raising them as my own. I rescued a chipmunk from certain death-by-cat. I’ve even saved a few baby raccoons, ducklings, lizards, spiders, and snakes in my time. And I’ll keep doing so for as long as I live.

I love writing, drawing/sketching, and painting, however I’m not confident that I’m good at any of those things, lmao. I mean, I don’t think I’m the worst, but my finished “works” often leave me unsatisfied with my “skills”. But of course, that won’t stop me from trying to improve!

I’m a maladaptive daydreamer. This can cause issues in some places while helping me out in others. On one hand, it makes doing chores and such kind of difficult. Like one time I had to take care of my dad’s pigeons while he was fixing our shed and one time he pointed out how slow I was with the chores. His words were something along the lines of, “I’m already almost done with what I have to do and you’re still working with the pigeons.” Also, it (and maybe ADHD if I do have it?) made school a nightmare for me. But it’s also helpful because then during church it’s really easy to keep myself occupied while the pastors go on about their Magical Sky Daddy™’s son throwing a tantrum and killing a figtree because it didn’t have any figs and how that story should “challenge” us or something.

The characters in my daydreams are weird, though. They merge and separate with each other to make different characters depending on the situation. Most of them don’t have definite genders. Only a handful of them have names because they’re always merging and separating like some kind of Shadow Clone Masters or something. Stuff like that.

One of my characters is for sure a demi-boy, though, and his name is Kyler.

I brought this up because I was watching The Andy Griffith Show and Andy was giving Opie a lecture on how many poor kids there are in the world and used the ratio “one and a half boys per square mile”. Opie then says that he’s “never seen a half a boy before”. Kyler just sort of pops into (fake) existence, jumps off the couch, and throws his arms in the air while saying, “Half a boy, right here!” I burst out laughing. Thankfully it didn’t seem weird, since my parents started laughing at Opie and thought that I was just laughing at it, too.

Any-who.

If I daydream while I’m standing, I’ll often pace and gesture with my arms while moving my lips. Sometimes I’ll even whisper. If I’m sitting down, I usually fidget a lot (such as pick at my shirt and rub my feet together), stare into space, and move my lips or whisper. My family sometimes ask me, “Why are you whispering?” Or, “What are you grinning about?” And I just shrug because I don’t know how to explain it to them without risking them calling someone to pray over me, lmao. I mean, I wasn’t even allowed to have imaginary friends because that was “evil”. When I was about 7, I told my parents about my imaginary unicorn friend and they gave me a lecture and “prayed over me”. It was embarrassing and awkward for me.

I’m suspicious that I might have ADHD, but don’t have the money to actually get a professional diagnosis. I’m also too scared to ask my parents about it.

Speaking of which, my family and I don’t see eye-to-eye. I mean, they don’t know it because I’m good at hiding it, and they think I agree with mostly everything they do but boy, is it a mess.

You see, they’re evangelical conservative Christians. “LGBTQ+ people are going to hell”, “ThE LeFt ARe eViL AnD ARe TrYiNg To BrAiNwAsh OuR ChiLdrEn”, “Trump was sent by God”, “Intersex is fake”, “Women must submit to men”, “You should get married no later than in a year or ‘the temptation’ to have sex might become too much”, the whole bit.

Meanwhile I’m over here with my (imaginary) pride flags, just existing as an agnostic leftist who wants everyone to have equal rights, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation, and would rather redo my horrifically atrocious kindergarten closing program role than pray to a god who (if they/he/she/it/whatever exists) gives cancer to kids and killed millions of innocent animals and people in the Bible.

But they have no idea that this is how I feel and now expect me to be baptized within the next month to show that I have “accepted Jesus Christ as my savior”. Yeah...that’s gonna be an awkward discussion...

Anyway, that’s just some things about me. Sorry that I got sidetracked a few times, lmao!

I look forward to posting more and maybe even making friends!

Thank you for reading (:

[wesawbears]

Posting here in its entirety now that it’s complete. Featuring the favors Neil used to get Andrew to go to Aaron’s wedding, Neil being a menace, and Andrew and Aaron talking, as well as Andrew submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known.

Enjoy!

--

Andrew shut the door with his foot, letting his bag sit by the door for a minute. He knew Neil would call out his hypocrisy the moment he saw,considering their previous conflicts about what apartment etiquette entailed, but for now, what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

Walking into the kitchen, he set his keys down on the table and scratched at Sir’s chin where he was headbutting against his hand. He stopped when he saw something unfamiliar on the fridge and walked over to inspect. They weren’t the type to keep mementos or reminders there; the dark blue stood out against the bareness there.

In loopy script, it read: “Save the Date! October 21st. Aaron Minyard and Katelyn Winters”.

He began peeling it off the fridge. Neil had wanted him to see it, but there was no way. Just seeing their smiling faces made something surge up in his stomach. He had let Aaron go years ago, but he never said he had to be happy about it, and he certainly had said nothing about supporting Katelyn or their relationship, the same as Aaron had never said anything to Neil that wasn’t strictly required for Exy. He could tolerate talking to Aaron, more than he had when they’d been in the same state, but that didn’t mean they did things like this. Nicky’s wedding was bad enough.

“Oh, you found it.”

Andrew turned, determined to not give Neil the satisfaction of seeing that he’d startled him. The slight smirk told him he hadn’t succeeded, but he kept his face placid and unbothered. “So you put it there on purpose? I assumed it had been put there by mistake.”

“No. I put it there so I’d remember to put it on the calendar...eventually.”

“What for?” Andrew asked, tilting his head in mock confusion. Better to not give him the satisfaction..

Neil raised his eyebrow, a look of condescension that had Andrew’s hackles up. “Because I’m going? I assumed you would too, but I can go alone.”

It was true. Neil was an adult who could make his own choices and Andrew wouldn’t stop him from going. But somehow he doubted that Neil would leave it there. The very fact that Neil had taken the time to put it on the fridge meant that this was premeditated and that, likely, this was an argument he wasn’t going to win. That didn’t mean that Andrew didn’t intend to gain as much ground as he could.

“So eager to go play with your friends?”

“Our friends.”

“Presumptuous.”

“You’re right. Aaron will be there, considering it’s his wedding. So he would be just yours then.”

“Aaron is no longer my responsibility. He can fuck up his life however he wants.”

Neil leaned against the kitchen counter, staring back at Andrew with the same level stare. “What do you want for it?”

Andrew held himself against the weight of being known that well. He kept his voice casual. “Skipping ahead so soon? You haven’t appealed to the fact that he’s my brother yet.”

Neil huffed. “Wouldn’t work. I’ve already worked through all your arguments. Had about a week to practice.”

Andrew drummed his fingers on the table. It was unnerving, as always, to know that Neil knew him well enough to anticipate his arguments, to have already taken the time to work this through in his head. It was as irritating as it was calming, in a way only Neil could manage to be.  “You assume you have something worth that much to me.”

“Don’t I?”

“This conversation is starting to bore me. Get to the point.”

“I can sign the papers. One phone call and I’m transferred to Chicago. Same schedule, same weekends off. No more watching each other’s games on TV.”

Andrew worked his jaw. Neil’s status states away had been a source of more irritation than he wanted to admit. It had taken him a long time to be able to admit that Neil was a part of his life that was maybe permanent, as close to permanent as he could allow himself, and now that he had, he felt every mile like a slow healing bruise. Neil’s contract was due for renewal, but Andrew’s team conveniently needed a striker. No coach would turn down one of the best strikers in the game. It was the one thing worth saying yes to and Neil knew it.

“Yes or no?”

Andrew knew that Neil would drop it the moment Andrew said no. Neil didn’t pick fights he couldn’t win. He was only asking because he knew from the start Andrew would agree.

“I’ll go.”

Neil grinned, and moved closer, hovering his hand close to Andrew’s. Andrew took the next step and linked their fingers together. For once, Neil didn’t push his luck with some smartass comment, but Andrew could practically see him biting it back. 

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m just glad you’ll be there.”

“Don’t say stupid shit,” he countered, pulling Neil in. 

“Yes,” Neil said, before Andrew could ask.

He pressed him to the counter and kissed him, letting the invitation fall to the ground.

--

It takes another favor for Neil to convince him that threatening Katelyn at the wedding wasn’t worth the trouble. Andrew severely disagreed, but pushing the issue wasn’t worth it, when Neil would pull back on both their agreements if he did. He didn’t linger on what that meant, on the fact that somewhere along the way he’d decided that keeping Neil meant more to him than settling past scores, and more to him than his brother. He wasn’t sure if that was healthy or not, but healthy had never been in his lexicon either way.

Neil still looked like a disgruntled cat any time he had to wear a suit, but Andrew had picked out a nice fitting one for him years ago, and he takes a moment to appreciate his handiwork. Neil is oblivious as always, though, and it takes him about two minutes of trying to get his tie right until Andrew can’t take it anymore.

“Impossible,” he huffs, and moves closer to secure it properly. Neil grins down at him and Andrew still feels the urge to push his face away, not knowing what Neil finds there to look at. “Staring.”

“Says the man who was literally standing there for two whole minutes.” Not as oblivious then.

Andrew doesn’t dignify that with a response, turning with a hum and heading towards the door. He’s timed it so they’ll be just close enough to on time for the ceremony that they can slip in the back. He lets the hum of the highway drown out the tight feeling in his chest.

When they get there, there’s an annoying sign that says “We’re all family! Pick a seat, not a side!” and Andrew considers walking out, but Neil is swept up by Matt and carried away, so Andrew has to follow, despite his misgivings. Nowhere in their agreement did it state that Andrew had to pay attention to the ceremony, so he tunes out and recites some book he has memorized to himself instead. 

It becomes painfully obvious at the reception that Neil is keeping an eye on him, so Andrew leaves him with Kevin, fighting over something inane and exy-related, and goes outside for a cigarette. He steps onto the terrace, only to find his brother leaning against a fence.

“I don’t think this is how weddings work,” he says as a greeting.

Aaron glances up, scowl as familiar as a mirror. “I told Katelyn I needed a minute.

Andrew nods and leans against the fence, taking a drag of his cigarette.

“Didn’t think you were going to come.”

“Thank Neil.”

“After you thank Katelyn. It was her idea to send you the invitation. I told her not to bother.”

“And yet here I am.”

“Here you are,” Aaron agrees, leaning further back against the fence.

Andrew lets the conversation drop for a moment. He’s about to head back inside, when he hears, “Why?”

He turns back. “Why what?”

“Why did you come? We both know Neil isn’t here as a favor to me. So why would he think it’s important for you to be here?”

And wasn’t that the million dollar question. Why had he bothered to come, when he and Aaron only spoke a handful of times a year? 

“I don’t know,” he answers truthfully.

Annoyingly, Aaron scoffs. “Yes you do.”

“Enlighten me then,” he plays along.

Aaron shrugs. “I didn’t say I knew why. I just know that you don’t do anything without having some convoluted reason for it.”

“I didn’t know I was coming out here to have a conversation with the cheshire cat.”

Aaron chuckled and the sound was foreign to him. “We’re not 16 anymore. Hell, we’re not 20 anymore. We’re grown up.” He holds his glass up, toasting to nowhere.

“When did you start philosophizing? Andrew asked.

“It’s my wedding day-I’m allowed,” Aaron says, shaking his head.

“You’re so weird,” is all Andrew can think to say.

He looks at Aaron and wonders what he sees. Wonders if he mirror the relaxed posture, the way Aaron looks comfortable in his own skin. He wonders how long it’s been since he woke up screaming, if it’s a dull ache in the back of his mind, or an almost healed bruise, flaring up only when pressed on.

He hears the tell tale sound of heels on cobblestones. “Aaron? Honey, we’re about to cut the- oh.”

He looks up and sees Katelyn, wide-eyed and hesitant. He feels long forgotten anger well up, but thinks of Neil and pushes it down. With a long forgotten salute, he turns and leaves Aaron to his future.

Inside, Neil is leaning against a table, sipping his drink that Andrew can tell he hates. He takes it from him and downs it in a quick swig.

“That was mine,” he complains, nudging Andrew’s hip.

“You were too slow.”

“Everything okay?” he asks.

Andrew looks down at their hands, sees the newly acquired neat letters on the side of Neil’s thumb that match his own and feels something settle back into place. He looks up and past him to where Aaron is laughing while Katelyn puts whipped cream on his nose. 

“Yes or no?” he asks instead.

Neil smirks. “In the middle of their moment?”

“Yes,” he taps Neil’s thumb, “Or no?”

“Yes, Andrew,” he says and pulls him in the rest of the way. He hears Nicky yell something and flips him off. 

He’s okay.

[mytwinklelights]

A Reunion - Part 1 | Peter Parker x Stark! GN Reader

A/N: Remember over a month ago when I wrote this preview and didn’t post again? Oops sorry, I had to take a little break from tumblr because I was reading way too much fanfic. But now I’m back, just to post, still no reading for a while! Umm but yeah, here’s the first part! I can’t guarantee when part 2 will be posted but it’ll definitely be within the next 2 weeks! I hope you like it, please let message me with any feedback because I need validation to stay motivated lol

Summary: Y/N is an Avenger, the youngest Avenger. Then, Peter Parker comes along and they’re happy to finally have someone their age to hang out with, even if it was the boy they spent their senior year of high school crushing over.

Content Warnings: I don’t think there are any - let me know if I missed any though!

Genres: Friends to lovers, Stark! Reader, Frequent cameos from Avengers and them being cute, Slow burn, Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 2019

                                                             ----

“Alright gang.” Tony begins, standing in front of all the Avengers at the end of a large oval table in the conference room.

“I’m sure you’ve seen these ‘viral videos’ of this Spider-Boy kid swinging around the city and being a friendly neighbourhood vigilante. Well, Happy and I have managed to track him down and he’s agreed to join the team”

“Viral videos of superheroes?” Steve exclaims, looking at Tony whilst tilting his head and looking genuinely exhausted. “I’m still catching up on these keyboard cats and kids biting fingers”.

I giggle. Having Steve around was just the same as having an uncle you saw once the year who lived of the grid. He was extremely sweet, but utterly clueless to anything other than his job. But I mean, that job does include fighting evil aliens.

“Anyway…” Tony continues as the other Avengers chuckles die down after Steve’s outcry “he arrived not too long ago. Happy is next door giving him all the T&Qs and they should be done now. Let me just check and I’ll introduce you all.” Tony then leaves the room, and the other Avengers start to talk among themselves.

I pull out my phone and type ‘NYC spider boy’ into YouTube clicking on the second search result with 20 million views. I have seen this video before as my friend Michael sent it to me around a week ago.

“Do you think there are many other super kids wandering around the city?” Sam asks, whilst looking at the video of my shoulder. Currently the hero is stopping a city bus from off-roading into some confused tourists by building up a wall with his web.

“I doubt it, I mean I guess he’s the only one going viral” I answer, moving the angle of my phone so the others who have gathered around me can see “but it would be cool to be able to meet some people my age who do what I do, no offence guys”

They all laugh. Being the youngest Avenger and hanging out with 30+ year olds all the time can be kind of isolating, but it’s like having a super close family. A family who also happen to be in life and death situations regularly together. But that’s a great bonding experience I would say.

“Guys, this is Peter, the Spider-Boy” Tony draws our attention away from my phone to the door where he has just entered.

“Spider-Man” Peter mutters as a lame attempt to correct him.

“Peter?” I question and the boy stood in front of me was not who I expected. I didn’t expect the masked vigilante swinging through New York to be someone that I knew.

“Y/N?” He responds, looking even more confused than I am “What are you doing here?”

-

“So Tony Stark is your dad?” Peter asks.

After seeing a guy from your school who you shared a chemistry class with last year, walking into a super-secret meeting for superheroes where he will be now joining your team. It is understandable that Peter and I were now talking this out to figure out how this state could be so small.

“Yep” I answer. We were sat next to each other on bar stools at the kitchen island. Wanda made some of her famous fruit smoothies for us and we were both stirring them around with our straws whilst conversing alone in the main living space.

“But your last name isn’t Stark, or Potts?” He continues, genuinely really confused about this whole situation.

“Yeah, well you can’t have the daughter of a billionaire and superhero couple walking around New York City alone, going to a normal school, having normal hobbies. It’s like asking for me to be taken hostage. So, I don’t have either of their last names and the general public doesn’t know I exist. It’s for my safety” I continue, reciting this memorised answer I’ve had to say to multiple people once they find out my existence.

Peter nodded as if he was understanding everything, he probably was, but I guess this wasn’t the conversation he planned to have today.

“And you’re the great Spider-Man” I continued, wanting the change the subject from me to him. “How did that happen? Wait… were you Spider-Man when you sat behind me in Chem last year?”

He began to explain to me the story, it happened to him on our school trip to OSCORP we took last year for our Chem class that happened just before the end of the semester. Something about a radioactive spider. It was strange, kind of the weirdest superhero transformation story I’ve heard. And I’ve heard quite a few.

My story was nowhere near as interesting. I guess having superhero parents who were always around weird alien technology and contaminated substances led to some weird epigenetic alterations of their reproductive cells and then when they had me, I could turn invisible.

They didn’t know at first, I was seemingly a normal baby. Then at my 2nd birthday party when they surprised me with a freaky clown, I was so scared that my body just decided to turn invisible. They weren’t expecting it, the clown definitely wasn’t expecting it and they had to cover up with a very convincing lie.

From then, whenever I was embarrassed, scared or essentially in a situation where I wanted to disappear. I did. Literally. It wasn’t entirely effective though as even though my body tuned invisible, the clothes I was wearing didn’t. I spent the majority of my preteen years of being a walking hoodie and jeans with no head or hands protruding from the gaps. For my 13th birthday Bruce and I got to work on a suit which responds to the activity of my skin cells, when I was invisible, my suit was invisible. It made it a lot more effective for me to actually be invisible when I turned but it also meant my dad let me start training to become an Avenger.

Training was fun, I worked with Nat a lot in our gym in order to become an efficient fighter. ‘Just because people couldn’t see me, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t know how to serve a mean right hook’ she always said. I also spent a lot of time with Wanda, trying to manage my powers. Now I am able to actually turn invisible and visible again on demand. And it only takes extreme embarrassment now to turn me invisible against my will, which is great because mum and dad finally let me, after my years of begging, attend Midtown High and stop being home school. This is where I met Peter last year and now I’m at Columbia studying genetics and engineering. A double major, I know but when you’re around the top geniuses in the world everyday, there is no such thing as too much learning.

“So, I guess we’re the only Midtown Alumni to have these crazy powers huh?” Peter finishes. After a long ramble about his becoming a superhero story. I guess he wanted to ease the tension after I couldn’t really think of what to say after “that’s super cool”. It wasn’t like I wasn’t interested, I really was, but when I wanted to have another person my age to hang out with, I didn’t expect it to be the boy I spent my senior year of high school obsessing over. I had turned shy, like really shy, like my normal levels of shy times 50. I couldn’t think of what to say.

“Sorry, if that story was too long and boring, I’ve only gotten to tell it to one person before, my best friend Ned so I was kind of excited to be able to tell it again.”

“No, it wasn’t boring, it was genuinely really cool!” I say a little too loudly and enthusiastically. I cringe at my tone of voice and speak normally again as I continue “It’s just I didn’t really expect the new Avengers recruit to be you, you know, like someone I know. It’s just kind of weird, but nice? I don’t know, now I’m rambling”

Peter chuckles.

“Umm, so are you going to be staying with us whilst you train or are you going back to Queens?” I ask, hoping this new question will miraculously erase Peter’s memory of what I last said.

“A bit of both, my Aunt is back in queens and I don’t want to leave her completely alone, but this upstate facility is a little too far for an everyday commute. I’m here just for today but once I start training on Monday, I think I might stay for the whole week.”

“Well, I can give you the tour! Since you’ll be staying with us soon, I guess you’ll want to know where everything is!” I say whilst jumping of my bar stool and putting my half full smoothie cup in the fridge. I noticed peter has just finished his, so I grab the glass and put it in the dishwasher for him. He thanks me as I do so.

“So this is the kitchen, where we make our food, different from the kitchen where the chefs make our food for occasions, charity events blah blah blah. And also, this seating area here is kind of the main seating area where we’ll sit throughout the day. Lots of sofas because there are lots of us and this is Bucky’s armchair. Don’t ever sit in Bucky’s armchair.” I say, stopping behind the chair and resting my hand on the headrest.

“Bucky, scary guy with the metal arm right?” Peter questions whilst following me at a slight distance around the room as I show him around. I nod. “Yeah, don’t worry, I won’t be sitting in his chair” he laughs.

I continue to show him the rest of the complex, the gym, the labs and finish up on the floor with all our rooms.

“I’m not sure which one of these rooms will be yours because we have a couple spare ones, but they all have the same layout. Look I’ll show you mine” I walk into my room, then hold the door open for Peter so he can follow me in.

“Uh, so this is my room. Obviously, yours won’t be decorated like mine but It’ll be the same size and have an en-suite attached with a full shower and tub and stuff. You know, the basics” I say, whilst sitting on the edge of my bed.

“I like your room, it’s cosy” he adds whilst looking around and then heading for the bookshelf as soon as he spots it.

“Ah thanks, I mean it’s cool, bigger than when we were in the tower in the city so I can’t complain” I say whilst also looking around. What is it about someone else being in your room that makes you see it with fresh eyes and make you super self-conscious that there is going to be a rogue piece of underwear on the floor? Even though I know I tidied my room this morning.

“Holy crap, Vision you scared the life out of me” I say on an exhale whilst holding my hand to my chest after the large gasp I just made as he enters the room, through the wall.

“Sorry, but your door is open” He continues, “Mr. Stark has told me that your car is here to take you back home Mr. Parker. If you would just follow me, I can lead you there” Vision continues, as if him just floating through my bedroom wall and speaking to the boy from my chemistry class now turned superhero was a normal thing to happen on a Thursday evening.

“Oh… thanks Vision” Peter says with some hesitancy, you can see that this is a weird circumstance for him too. “Well, I’ll see you on Monday then” he says smiling at me and walking towards the door. Which vision doesn’t use to exit.

“Yeah, see you then” I smile as he closes the door and I’m left in my room listening to him shuffling down the corridor.

Part 2

[durotoswrites]

For the writing meme thingy: 🍄how do you get yourself in the mood to write? 🍑 do you/would you write smut? 📒 any fics planned?

🍄 How do you get yourself in the mood to write?

Getting in the mood to write and actually wanting to sit down and start writing are two very different things, but they're connected, so I'll explain both.

To set into “creative mode” it helps me to do these things:

Listen to music that makes me think of a character/situation in my story/stories. I've got playlists separated by character and pairing. Sometimes I also just work on curating those playlists for fun and get my brain going.

Bounce overall ideas off of my friends and husband/editor (but he's my best friend, too 💗)

Reread old chapters or recent ones and future snippets based on what I want to do.

Once I actually want to put words down, I get a little more strict with myself. I get distracted verrrry easily sometimes and I have to fight the urge to open a million more tabs when researching a small detail.

I move to instrumental music (I have playlists for different moods like “emotional”, “soft”, “sad”, etc. I usually listen to “soft” as a general soothing background sound, as I can get pretty dang emotional when I write, especially with the stuff I've been churning out lately.

So, yeah, I need tissues within reach if I get upset. (Wow, I'm not making this sound fun at all, lmao)

After sound has been established, I like to eat a snack (something with protein) because I can be under for hours, lol. Eat it and finish it. Otherwise, I get distracted.

I also like to have drinks available. I always have a bottle of water, but I also like having a hot cup of tea. I think it's the time of year for me to switch to cold barley tea.

I write while seated on a recliner with my feet up. I have my laptop on a lap desk and it's a pretty cozy setup.

I basically try to remove any excuse I have to get up once I start writing, because I am the worst procrastinator I know.

🍑Do you/would you write smut?

Heheh... heck yeah, I do. Waaaaay more than most people realize. Stuff I've actually posted? It's pretty limited. I posted a couple pieces (Let Me Love You and You're Like the Sunshine) a few years ago, but I've been practicing ever since. One of my planned stories literally has what I refer to as a “smut dump” in the draft where I've been experimenting with writing different moods. I like the intimate scenes to play a role in the overall plot or have it be a bonding experience.

Despite that, I do have a shameless Gray x Mary story I should just get out there that has zero plot, just two cuties in love. In my mind it's so naughty and kinky and I get flustered thinking about it (Mary is hot, okay?), but it's probably hella vanilla, lmao. I really am grateful that people have been really supportive about my writing smut despite what I usually write, and they've been so encouraging, too! I honestly feel like the smut I've posted is really stilted because I was so self-conscious about it. I don't feel like they are terrible for first attempts, but I have definitely grown more comfortable writing it.

Will The Shy Newcomer become explicit? I kinda really want it to, but I might separate the chapters for those who don't care for that content. Overall, I'd like to write more and post more, and I want to write more than just male x female smut as well. I have some of those in my planned pieces (more about them later).

📒 Any Fics Planned?

Firstly, I'm super tickled more than one person was interested in this. I copied the answer I wrote earlier.

Short answer: Yes. I also plan to bring more of my stories over from ffn to Ao3.

Long answer under the cut, heheh. I rambled quite a bit.

Ask me about my writing processes and stories!

I have so many WIPs that haven’t been touched in years that I’d like to finish, so new planned fics aren’t posted yet. Some of them have more adult themes than most of the stuff I’ve been writing, so I get flustered sharing them. I’ve been at a crossroads, as I feel that you can’t have growth without changing things up. On the other hand, I feel like a lot of my readers associate my works with a specific “wholesome” feel-good mood. It’s kinda nice to be known for something, although that might just be my ego talking, thinking that people recognize my work as a “type”.

Regardless, in the end, I feel growth is necessary.

I don’t want to leave a lot of unfinished WIPs waiting because they stress me out and I have too many of them already, so I’d like to have a bulk of my new stories with a good chunk written before I decide to post them.

Among those include:

A longfic featuring Pete’s farm in Forget-Me-Not Valley (A blend of HMDS with the FoMT plugin and AWL). It takes place in the same universe as The Shy Newcomer (Claire in Mineral Town) and there are a few overlapping moments, although Pete’s story starts first. Pete’s personality is verrry different from Claire’s, and his story was kind of supposed to be the yang to TSN’s yin. Pete’s best friends in his story are Ruby (not sure if I’m adding Tim yet), Nami, and Rock. Readers will be treated to a poorly-socialized pre-Mineral Town Cliff (if you think he was bad at the beginning of TSN, well… heh… he’s a wreck here).

Another planned unpublished story is a crossover of Harvest Moon and the movie “In This Corner of the World”, based on a manga of the same name by Fumiyo Kouno. It was written as a gift for a friend. I have the entire outline figured out and have slowly been filling it in. My friend asked for an AU where Claire and Cliff have an arranged marriage and live with his family in Akiyama, the hometown I had created for Cliff in The Shy Newcomer. I took the opportunity to expand the characters in his family. I have it written during the same time period and society as “In This Corner of the World”, but had decided to write a spreading disease as an allegory for war, but then COVID happened and some parts of it just got really hard to write. There are also a lot of sexually explicit content as Claire slowly grows and learns from her spouse that it’s okay to express what she wants despite sex being a taboo issue. If there’s enough interest in the story, I’ll post it, but I worry it’s a little too niche for there to be many people into it.

Pastor Carter and Doctor Trent are one of my favorite rare pair ships. I’ve had a partial draft for a story about them for a few years now, especially focusing on Trent growing up and acknowledging that he has an unhealthy addiction for things that he knows he can’t have. There are some more adult/sexual themes in this piece, too, including the main character lusting after a married woman (who also happens to be his patient) and some lemons. (Does anyone call it that anymore or is it just referred to as “smut” nowadays? Haha) I always feel so bad for neglecting the folks at the clinic in-game and wanted to write a piece that focused more on them, Trent specifically. It’s a multi-chap fic, but I don’t think I’m going to let it get as long as some of my other pieces.

I also really want to write a short romantic oneshot for every marriage candidate in Mineral Town, around 1,000 words each. So far, I have one for Cliff and one for Gray. I want to write Claire with everyone, because I think it would be fun to explore all the different personalities.

I have more installments planned for A Single Day, including a day in the life of the following characters, all with drafts in varying degrees of progress:

Anna

Doug

Nora (yes, I’m writing from the point of view of the cat living at the inn)

More to come – I think Lillia and Thomas would be especially interesting to explore

I do still have that Legend of Zelda Majora’s Mask piece I’ve been pondering where Link befriends the soul of the deku scrub child while possessed by the mask. I don’t have much written about it, but I really love the world of Majora’s Mask. Such a fun game.

I also think about the lead carpenter’s son in Ocarina of Time and that weird side quest involving the blue chicken and the son being lost to the forest. Then that unique-looking kokiri girl explaining that all who get taken in the lost woods become stalfos. Like, did the guy die? Was he sick? Did he want to die? There’s just so much going on there that would be fun to explore.

I also have played OMORI recently and have like… A LOT of feelings about it. I don’t know what I’d write, but I’m still damn impressed at how well the characters are developed in such a short game.

Other games I’ve had vague ideas about writing for include the following:

The Flame in the Flood: I’m thinking a survivalist/action story fleshing out Scout’s backstory a bit more and her thoughts as she’s traveling. I feel like she’s a very lonely person, but isn’t given the chance to really dwell on it.

Night In the Woods: I’d love to write more about Mae’s dreams and what they mean to her. She doesn’t really talk to anyone about them openly, so it’s really hard to tell her feelings about them in some regards. We know that she’s distressed about them, but I’d like to dive a little deeper. Do the nightmares end after the games does? What about Bea’s new nightmares?

Hades (Supergiant Games): I think it would be fun to write more about the events that take place before the game starts, like Zagreus’s duties in the house of Hades, and expand on the strained relationship with his father.

[skieswords]

Sorry For The Wait {Charlie Gillespie x OC}

Summary: Alex is a lowkey youtuber, known for funny vlogs of her just existing. She’s avoided the relationship question for the longest time, but has decided it’s time to come clean to her followers. 

Warning: Fluff, swearing, mention of alcohol, and sexual innuendo cause I’m incapable of writing anything without it.

Alex was wandering round the kitchen, in his old shirt and a pair of pyjama shorts that really didn’t cover much. She hummed an undistinguishable melody under her breath as she went about making her morning coffee, dancing to the song in her head. Charlie grinned from his position in the doorframe, leaning up against the wall with his arms crossed as he watched his girlfriend be her usual dorky self. She spun round suddenly, feeling eyes on her. “Oh, morning Char, when did you get back?” Charlie laughed under his breath and uncrossed his arms, stepping towards her and pulling her into his chest. “It’s not exactly morning, is it.” He nodded towards the clock on the oven that read 13.47, sighing when she shrugged and pressed a kiss to his cheek before stepping away to pick up her coffee cup. “It’s my morning.” Charlie rolled his eyes but nodded, helping himself to a banana from the fruit bowl, and leaning against the counter. Alex jumped onto the counter opposite, and swung her legs, sipping happily. Sitting there looking absolutely content, in his clothes and drinking her coffee, Charlie felt his heart swell. “I wanna go public.” He blurted it out, rather unexpectedly, for both parties. His eyes widened as he realised what he’d said, and looked down to his boots, still caked with mud from that morning’s not so sunny hike. “Didn’t we agree you’d stop wearing boots in the house? You hate vaccuming.” She jumped off the counter and made her way towards him, wrapping her arms around him and setting her coffee down on the countertop, resting her chin on his chest. He looked down at her with a soft smile, her blue eyes bearing into his hazel ones. “If you’re up for it, I’m down.” She smiled up at him, her voice soft and slightly excited. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and let his hand wrap around her waist, fingers drawing light patterns on her spine. “Yes please. I want everyone to know you’re mine.” Alex grinned and kissed along his jaw, until pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. “Okay. When?” She broke away from him and unwrapped some toaster waffles, pushing down the button on the toaster before making her way back into his arms. “Today. Fuck it, let’s do it now.” She raised her eyebrows at him, and fiddled with his chain nervously. “Have you checked with Kenny? Didn’t he say-” Charlie sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Uh, Kenny gave me the all clear like 2 months ago. I just wasn’t sure if you were okay with it.” Alex rolled her eyes, and patted his head jokingly, stretching like a cat and moaning happily when her back cracked loudly. “Of course I am. Dude do you know how many videos I’ve got planned for when people know about us?” Charlie laughed and stood up properly, kicking his shoes off and frowning slightly at the mud that scattered the floor as he did. “Great, let’s get them all filmed. Go get changed though, I’m not taking you on live in them.” He indicated her shorts, reaching a hand round to grab her ass. “Hey, they’re not that bad.” Charlie raised his eyebrows at her, and pointed to the doorway. “Fine. But I’m not wearing a bra and you can’t make me.” He rolled his eyes and smirked, pulling his phone out and walking through to the living room, stopping outside their bedroom door and watching as she pulled her shorts down. He bit his lip and caught her eye, shooting her a wink, before settling onto the sofa, setting his phone up on the tripod. 

“Hellooo, people. Okay, so I’ll just let some people file in. Sheesh, how many of you are there? That’s like 4000 already and it’s been like 10 seconds. Okay just a few more... Great. Hi everyone, uh, this is just a quick one to answer a question a lot of people have been asking me since the show came out. Before I do, I just want to say you guys know how much I love you, and how grateful I am for all the support, but I really need you guys to respect me with this. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, and I’ve only held off because I was waiting for someone to agree.” 

From behind the camera, Alex emerged from their bedroom, her hair freed from it’s bun and falling around her shoulders as she fidgeted. She was nervous, having only been in front of an online audience of a couple thousand before, and she’d never been exposed to Charlie’s followers. They read the comments on his posts together sometimes, and she often stalked fan pages when she was bored and he was out hiking. The girls were crazy about him. Understandably of course, the man was gorgeous, and talented, and funny, and a million other things that had indeed made her fall in love with him in the first place. Kenny had asked that cast members (besides Jeremy, who already had a very public fiancée) to keep any relationships on the downlow, in order to keep the guys sex appeal up to fans. Alex had agreed, knowing it would help the show sell, and had deleted the few posts of Charlie on her instagram profile. None of them really made it look like they were in a relationship, and they were mostly group shots anyway, taken on day trips to Newfoundland, or on the beach with other friends. So her own followers, besides her close friends and family, had no idea she was even in a relationship. Still, it wasn’t fair to tease his fans, so she’d removed the posts all the same. Thinking of her instagram, she pulled her own phone out and took a picture of herself in the living room mirror with her tongue out, captioning it ‘head over to @charles_gillespie for an exciting announcement!’ before leaving her phone on the sidetable and grabbing her coffee from the kitchen.

“Okay, so we’ve waited like 3 years or something to do this. Guys, this is Alex. My girlfriend.” Alex walked into the frame and took a seat next to Charlie, avoiding eye contact with the camera. She wasn’t camera shy- she was a youtuber, it was second nature to her. But a bunch of batshit crazy fangirls? Terrifying. Charlie slipped an arm around her shoulders and made a show of bringing their heads together, plastering a silly grin on his face. His smile was infectious, and Alex mirrored it, sipping her coffee carefully before setting it down next to wear Charlie’s foot sat on the coffee table. “Knock that over and I’m kicking you out.” He laughed and kissed her hair, leaning forward to read the comments. 

“OMG, it’s @alexmvlogsz!”

“I knew it, there are old photos of the two of them everywhere.”

“It won’t be serious, they’ve probs only just got together.”

“She’s defo with him for the fame.”

“He’s too hot for her.”

“I’m so here for this!” 

Alex noticed Charlie’s frown and leant forward, reading them over his shoulder. “Ha, you guys are funny. Yes, hi it’s me, Alex. Yes, there are a lot of photos of us going around. Yuh okay you’re wrong, been together for like 4 years now I think? Also, we started dating while I had more followers than Charlie. So, uh go follow me because I’m cooler than him. Oh you are so right, he’s way too hot for me. And we are also here for this!” Charlie looked at her with an adoring smile, kissing her head again and pulling her into his side. “She’s hotter than me, actually. Anyways, this is Alex, love of my life. Just thought I’d share that with you guys.” Alex waved and laughed as a storm of comments came through, a combination of support and hate. “Okay, I’m gonna end it there. Bye y’all.” Charlie clicked the end button and collapsed back onto the sofa, frowning slightly. “People are so mean. Why can’t they just accept that I love you?” Alex shrugged and kissed him, moving to straddle his lap. “They will in time. But half of them are in love with you, they don’t want to accept it. It’s fine though, I’m used to it, don’t worry.” Charlie grumbled under his breath, leaning forward to rest his head against her chest. “Hey, while their all still on their phones, do me a favour and put a question box on your story for a Q&A video?” Charlie nodded and grabbed his phone from behind her, keeping one hand on her back so she didn’t fall. Alex yelped as he stood up, automatically wrapping her legs round his waist, and her arms round his neck. “What the fuck Charlie?” He laughed and wandered over to the same mirror Alex had taken her selfie in a few minutes earlier, holding up his phone and taking a photo of them. “For the story. I can post photos of you now, thank god.” Alex held on, resting her head on his shoulder as he typed behind her back, before tossing his phone onto the sofa and grinning at her. She raised her head and looked at him with her eyebrows raised. “Are you going to put me down now?” Charlie shook his head and walked towards the bathroom, arms wrapped around her. “I need a shower, and you’re joining me. “ Alex laughed but let him carry her, kissing along his jawline with a happy smile. 

*****

Hair soaking wet and faces flushed, they collapsed into bed side by side, Alex resting her head on Charlie’s chest. “I have an idea.” Charlie looked down at her, and ran his fingers through the damp strands of hair. “We should call Owen over. We’ll do a Q and A, but he has to read out the questions, and if we try to answer wrong or something, he can reveal the truth. Plus he can throw in his opinions, and it’ll be funny.” Charlie laughed softly, and nodded, reaching over to his nightstand to grab his phone. He clicked on Owen’s contact, and facetimed him, pulling the duvet up to cover Alex just in time. “I didn’t mean ask him right now. But okay.” Owen picked up, and grinned into the camera as he saw Charlie. “Hey, I’m just heading out to do some stuff but I can speak to you in the car. What’s up?” Charlie didn’t speak, simply angling the camera so that Owen could see them both, Alex’s red cheeks standing out against the white of the duvet cover pulled up to her shoulders. His face fell when he took in her appearance, groaning and pulling his hat over his face. “Look, Charlie, I love you, and I tolerate you Alex, but I saw enough of this in Vancouver. Seriously man, she has no clothes on.” Charlie nodded, and smirked. “Yuh, and she’s staying like that for the rest of the day. Anway, she wants to talk to you.” He handed the phone to Alex and sat up, reaching over to grab Alex’s phone from the charger. Owen rolled his eyes and sat Alex on his car stand, turning the keys in the ignition, and starting to drive. Alex made sure the sheet was tucked tightly under her arms, before moving out of Charlie’s grip, and leaning against the headboard. “Okay, so I was thinking.” Owen grunted in response and raised his eyebrows, avoiding looking at her. “Never a good thing. Just saying, if you flash me it’s not my fault, and manchild over there can’t get mad.” Charlie stuck his middle finger up at Owen, not looking up from Alex’s phone, which he was spamming with selfies. “Yeah, whatever. Anyway. I was thinking, Charlie just told all his followers we’re together- just incase you didn’t notice- and I want to do a Q & A on my channel. I think it’ll be even funnier if you ‘host’ it, and you can throw in random stories and opinions and whatever? You know us better than anyone,” Owen laughed bitterly and leaned forward, looking out his window. “Yeah, unfortunately. God, I was so happy when you went home. Okay, so when do you want to film this?” Alex looked over at Charlie and smiled seeing him scrolling through her instagram feed. “I don’t mind, when you next free?” Owen shrugged, and the familiar ticking of an indicator came through the phone. “As long as you two are fully clothed, I’ll come over on Wednesday? I have to come to LA to meet some people anyway, we can grab dinner after?” Alex nodded and watched as Charlie set her phone down, and slid down the bed, resting his head on her stomach. She ran her free hand through his hair, smiling as his eyes closed at the sensation. “Yeah that works. I’ll see if Sav wants to come too. Okay, I’ll see you then.” Owen nodded and waved at her, smiling as she flipped the camera to show Charlie. “He’s such a baby. Okay, you two go do whatever you two do. I’ll catch you later.” Charlie flipped him off once more, not lifting his head from where it rested, and Alex hung up. “You want a nap?” Charlie groaned slightly, indicating yes. “Cool, me too. Let me get the blinds.” Charlie sat up with an incredulous expression. “You woke up like an hour and a half ago woman, how are you tired already?” Alex looked at him with raised eyebrows and pulled a shirt out of their wardrobe. His shirt, to be clear. He watched as she dragged it over her head and flipped the blinds so that the room was darker, and held his arms out to her as she climbed back into their king sized bed, cuddling into his warm chest as they passed out for a couple of hours.

*******

“Hey guys! Most of you will already know, because we announced it a few days ago, but for those of you who don’t, today I’m introducing you to my boyfriend properly! The incredibly hot Charlie Gillespie.” Charlie waved awkwardly to the camera from his spot on the sofa, looking to Alex who was on the other side, almost 2 feet of space between them. “We figured we’d do a Q and A, so you guys sent in some questions, and well, we’re gonna answer them. Also, we have another special guest with us.” Owen appeared, and sat in between them, grinning at the camera. “Wouldn’t be a show without me. Okay so basically these two are disgustingly in love, and have been for a disgusting amount of time. Alex is using me for clout, and now you’re going to find out all of the gory details about their relationship.” Alex smacked him gently and handed him Charlie’s phone, the question response boxes all ready to read. “Okay, first question.

How long have you guys known eachother, and how did you meet? Owen looked between them, and pointed to Charlie. “I want to hear him get this wrong.” Charlie rolled his eyes and leaned forward, looking at Alex, who nodded. “Okay. We met nearly 4 years ago, when Alex moved over here for college. I was in LA that weekend, and I bumped into her in the street. We got to talking, and I ended up taking her out that night. That was pretty much it if I’m honest, nothing that exciting.” Alex scoffed and flipped her hair behind her shoulders. “Not quite. I took him out, and he fangirled the whole time. His sister had watched a few of my youtube videos, and he- and I quote- thought I was really pretty.” Charlie stuck his tongue out at her, and Owen groaned, resting his head in his hands. “We’re only one question in and I’m already sick of the both of you. Okay, next question.”

Do you guys live together, and if so where? Alex raised her eyebrows and laughed. “Most of the time we live together, yes. This is my apartment in LA, and I’d say we’re here at least 8 months of the year. But at christmas we go to New Brunswick to see Char’s family, and we go visit my family in thesummer. And sometimes I’m in New Zealand, and he’ll go on holiday with his boyfriend here.” Owen grinned and held Charlie’s hand, resting his head on his friends shoulder. Charlie leaned into him, making them appear like a very loved up couple. “Yeah, so we live together most of the time, apart from when we’re visiting friends or family, or if he’s working.” Charlie nodded and looked to Owen, who continued scrolling through boxes. “Oh my god some of these are dodgy. Jesus, look at this one!” He showed it to Alex, who burst out laughing. “Okay, I’m answering that but we’re not reading out the actual question.” She climbed to her feet and turned side on to the camera, smoothing out her t-shirt against her chest, giving a decent view of her side profile. “Whoever asked what kind of man Charlie is, I’ll let you figure that one out for yourself. He doesn’t get a choice in the matter- I only have one of the above.” Charlie read the question over Owen’s shoulder, before frowning and reaching out for Alex, pulling her onto his knee. “Shut up, you’re perfect and I love every bit of you.” He started peppering her face with kisses, laughing alongside her. Owen jumped to the other side of the sofa, grimacing. “Disgusting. Okay, next question. Ooh, this one’s juicy.”

Alex, do you and Madison get along, and have you ever been jealous of her relationship with Charlie? Owen made a show of trying not to laugh, and Alex rolled her eyes. “Mads is like a little sister to me. We get on really well, and her and Charlie’s relationship is best friends, nothing more. I mean, to be fair I’d totally adopt her if I could. Having her living with me would me pretty cool.” Charlie frowned and shook his head. “No. I’m not living with the both of you. You’d never stop singing.” Alex nodded happily. “And the only thing I’m jealous of her for is she doesn’t have to live with him. Or share a kitchen with him.” Charlie flicked her in the side of the head, kissing the afflicted area shortly after, while Owen nodded in agreement. “That brings us nicely on to the next one.”

Who’s got the worst eating habits? Owen rubbed the back of his neck and looked straight at the camera. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this. Alex is worse than Charlie, folks. And you’ve seen how he eats.” Charlie pushed Alex off him and jumped up, pointing his fingers at her as he danced around in front of the camera. Alex’s jaw dropped, and she leant forward, pointing at Charlie accusingly. “He eats eggs with peanut butter. Do you know how gross that is?” Charlie grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles, sinking back into his seat. “You eat ham, and peanut butter. You can’t talk.” Alex groaned and flipped him off behind Owen’s head. “Fine, what’s the next one?” Owen grinned and scrolled a bit, laughing out loud before putting the phone facedown.

Who’s most likely to get jealous? He smirked at the camera, and shared a look with Alex, who was grinning. They turned back to the camera and spoke simultaneously. “Charlie.” At his name, he groaned and grabbed a pillow, smothering his face with it. “Very much Charlie. Do you want to hear something funny? Of course you do. Owen, I’ll let you take this one.” Alex sat back, smiling smugly, while Charlie looked at her with pure betrayal written all over his face. “While we were in Vancouver last year, filming for the show, Alex here, came to stay with us for 2 months. This was the first time I’d met her, besides a few facetime calls. We got on really well, and hung out a lot on and off set, while I wasn’t filming. Our lovely Charlie, decided he was going to absolutely freak out about this, and started a fight in the middle of the freaking lot, in front of the entire cast and crew, because he thought I was after Alex.” Charlie groaned from behind the pillow, and Alex laughed. “He thought Owen was flirting with me, and yelled at him for a straight 7 minutes, while we just kinda stood there and looked at each other. I felt so bad, I took Charlie home that night and sat with him for like 3 hours, and then I took them both out for dinner the next night. It was weird.” Owen snorted and rubbed his forehead. “You did not just sit with him. I shared an apartment with you, I was in the next room.” Alex punched his arm, and leaned over to ruffle Charlie’s hair. “He’s just protective, you should see him when we go out together, he literally refuses to leave my side.” Owen nodded and smiled at Charlie’s flushed face. “He’s stupid protective of her. One of the crew members actually did flirt with her. We’re lucky the guy’s still alive.” Charlie rolled his eyes at them both and held his hands up. “I had to compete with an entire college full of guys to keep her. And I have 3 brothers. I’m used to fighting for what’s mine.” Alex smiled and stood up, pushing Owen into her spot and sitting beside him, taking Charlie’s hand. “Yeah, what he said. Next question Owen?” Owen shook his head and scrolled once more, raising his eyebrows occasionally. “Okay, this should be easy.”

Who’s the most annoying to live with? Charlie and Alex both immediately pointed to her, and Owen nodded his head. “Even just while we were in Vancouver, this girl drove me up the wall. I don’t know how Charlie does it.” Charlie smirked and rubbed his jaw. “He gets well compensated for his troubles.” Charlie shrugged and nodded, laughing at Owen’s expression. “She’s incapable of showering without leaving the entire bathroom flooded, she never does the laundry unless I phone her four times and ask her to do it, she has never touched the vaccum in her life, and the bed only gets made when she’s not living here. Not to mention she’s the messiest person in the world, and our room is literally carpeted with her- actually wait no, MY clothes, because she never wears her own stuff. Exhibit A.” Alex stood up and spun around, showing off her outfit of Charlie’s t-shirt and a pair of jeans. “He loves me for it though.” She dropped back onto the sofa, smiling as she felt Charlie’s arm slip around her waist and pull her in to his side. “Let’s do some nice ones.”

Are you guys morning people? All three of them laughed, and Alex buried her face in Charlie’s chest. “Owen, is like a late morning early afternoon person. I’m always up before 9, I like doing stuff in the mornings. I sleep in on Saturdays sometimes, or I’ll stay in bed and watch a movie with Alex. But Alex doesn’t get up unless she absolutely has to. Today she got up at like 1230 I think? And that’s early for her, and it was only after a lot of persuasion.” Alex bit her lip, remembering the persuasion Charlie had used that morning, and feeling a familiar heat take over her face. Owen pulled a face, also knowing what he meant, and gagged. “Disgusting. But yeah, I’ll second that. When she lived with us, we’d go home for lunch sometimes, or we’d have a halfday, and she’d still be sleeping. Like Charlie would go in and get her at like 4pm. And she’d wake up and go get coffee. At 4pm.” Charlie nodded, and Alex sighed, sitting up and brushing her hair out of her face. “In my defense, I’m normally up pretty late. I work best at night, and I can never fall asleep before like 3 or 4am.” She shrugged, and leant on Charlie, who was blushing ever so slightly. “We know, Alex, we know. Let me give you a piece of advice, folks. See if your best mate’s girlfriend comes to stay, after 2 months of being apart? Stay away from the apartment for at least 3 days. Maybe a week. Move out if you can. They kept me up, Every. Freaking. Night. I don’t know how Charlie was able to function at 5.30 in the morning, considering he could’ve gotten like maximum an hour of sleep. He was on vocal rest for a reason.” Owen raised his eyebrows at the camera, and Alex hid her face, while Charlie puffed out his cheeks and looked around, avoiding the camera. “Moving swiftly on, what’s the next question Owen?” The blonde grinned and scrolled once more, chuckling under his breath.

What’s your guys favourite thing to do together? Owen looked at them dubiously as Alex clapped her hands, and Charlie grinned. “Besides that.” Charlie rolled his eyes and reached over to clip Owen over the ear, and Alex ducked as they play fought over the top of her. Finally breaking apart, Charlie straightened his shirt and resumed his hold on Alex. “It’s between travelling and playing. With Alex’s family in the UK, and mine in Canada, we fly around quite a lot. Besides, we both love seeing new places, and we have friends all over the place.” Alex nodded and smiled excitedly. “I can’t wait, we’re going to see Mads for her 17th birthday next week- she doesnt’t know, but I won’t post this until we’re there, so it’ll be fine. And we went to visit my dad in New Zealand last month- that was fun. We went to Hawaii, of course, with Jer and that. That was incredible.” Charlie nodded, watching with an adoring expression as his girlfriend’s face lit up, while she spoke about the places she loved so much. “Hawaii was awesome, but I gotta say, going to the UK is like wow. It’s so different over there.” Alex looked at her feet shyly, nodding slightly. “For sure, and my friends are uh, very different from our friends here.” Charlie raised his eyebrows in agreement, feeling Alex’s grip on his hand get a little tighter. “But yeah, besides travelling it’s got to be playing together. We sing together all the time, I’m pretty sure our neighbours hate us.” Alex brightened up and laughed, nodding eagerly. “Honestly, most of the time that’s what we’re doing at like 1am. I’ll get a song stuck in my head and force Charlie to play it for me. He’s so much better at guitar than I am.” Charlie shook his head and held a hand out in excitement. “Nah, see when I tell you this girl can sing, oh my GAWD. There’s a reason I fell in love with her. And she plays piano, and guitar, although I am still teaching her that. And violin!! How cool is that? She’s teaching me. So yeah, our neighbours hate us.” Owen smiled as he watched his best friends talk about each other, the love between them so obvious and real. “Okay, we’ll do like two or three more.”

Who takes longer to get ready in the morning? Instantly pointing at each other, Owen laughed, and pointed to Charlie. “100% this man. She just throws her hair up and puts on whatever he wore the day before. This man has a full haircare routine, every fricking morning. Like seriously, it’s just hair!” Alex nodded in agreement, running her hands through Charlie’s hair. “It is very nice hair though. Nah for sure, Charlie takes longer to get ready first thing, but when we’re going out, it’s me. Like out out, I mean. I’m so indecisive. In Vancouver Savannah literally nearly stabbed me cause I was taking so long.” Charlie grinned and nodded, Owen mirroring his actions. “Never ask her to go out unless you have at least 4 hours to kill. 3 hours for her to be indecisive, and then another for her to be late.” Alex grinned and tilted her head to the side. “Girls, am I right? HA. I’m funny. Okay, moving on.”

Who’s most fun on a night out? Charlie and Owen pointed to Alex simultaneously, who just shrugged and nodded. “I was raised in Scotland, so when I drink, I drink hard. Nobody could keep up with me when we went out in Vancouver. Seriously, Charlie tried and we nearly had to take him to the ER.” Charlie scoffed at this, but the blush spreading up his neck said all that needed to be said. Owen laughed at the memory, and set the phone down. “No really, it was so funny. This tiny 5′5 girl knocking back vodka like it’s water, and Charlie’s trying not to throw up in the corner after like 2. This girl’s liver is deceased.” Alex grinned and kicked her feet up on the table proudly. “Proud drinker since I was 13. Shit, this is going on the internet. Okay, forget I said that. Owen?” Owen reached out and grabbed the phone, scrolling through again.

Do you have any tattoos? Owen rolled up his sleeve and showed off the ghost drummer on his forearm, and Charlie stood up next to him, placing their ghostly characters next to each other. They pulled their shirt sleeves down, and looked to Alex, who groaned and stood up. “I have a few, but they’re pretty small.” She came up close to the camera, followed by Charlie, who helped her pull the collar of her shirt down, and swept her hair away from the nape of her neck, revealing the small outline of a triangle at the top of her spine. “I’ve got that, and then-” She pulled her top up, and showed a single word written on her ribcage, in gaelic. ‘teine’. “It says fire, in scottish gaelic. And this one.” She held her hand up to the camera, showing a daffodil on the inside of her middle finger on her right hand. “And then I have another one on my leg, but obviously can’t show that.” She settled back onto the sofa, smacking Charlie when he laughed. “It’s hardly on her leg. It’s like-” She held a hand over his mouth and smiled at Owen, asking silently for the next question. “Oh wow, okay I like this one.”

Alex, how do you get along with the JATP cast, and who’s your favourite? Owen looked at Alex expectantly, who just rolled her eyes and crossed her legs. “I love them, so much. While Char was away I was constantly on the phone, and they’d just pass me around depending on who was filming. A lot of it was because Charlie was afraid I’d get lonely, but also because he was so busy that he could only grab a couple of minutes to speak to me every now and again. While I was in Vancouver, me and Owen definitely spent a lot of time together, and he showed me round the city while Charlie and Mads were doing perfect harmony shoots and stuff, which was an experience and a half. Note to self, Owen is incredibly competitive at arcade games.” Alex slipped her hand into Charlie’s as she spoke about her time with Owen, knowing he’d probably start overthinking it. “But Mads and I got super close. Like everytime the boys were filming we’d go to craft services and eat our weight in brownies. We made them a lot too, in the apartment. We literally facetime everyday. And Savannah too, oh my god I love that girl so much. She’s like my best friend. I wouldn’t have made it over there without her, she literally picked me up from the airport when someone forgot I was coming.” Charlie held his hands up in defense, and Alex rolled her eyes. “He didn’t forget I was coming, he just ‘lost track of time’. But honestly, I can’t pick a favourite, they’re like family to me.” She smiled at Owen, and leaned back against Charlie, meaning every word. “Aw. How cute. I’m the favourite. Next question. Oh wow, this is a biggie.”

Charlie, are you going to propose? Alex’s eyes widened, and she coughed, turning to look at Charlie. “Good question. It’s nearly four years. Where’s the ring, Charlieboy?” Charlie chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, leaning back against the sofa. “Got a while yet, got to train her up a bit better first.” Alex punched him in the arm, and he winced, rubbing it and glaring at her. “I’m joking, obviously. She’s only just 21, so we’re gonna wait a bit- but yes, I will. One day. If she doesn’t kill me with her cooking first.” Owen raised his eyebrows and brought a leg up underneath him, scrolling through the questions. Alex looked at Charlie with a pout, crossing her arms and moving away from him. “Oh my god, you’re such a child. Yes, I’m going to propose, just not now and not anytime soon! Yikes.” Alex grinned and kissed his cheek, waiting for the next question. “Right, we’ll make this the last one?” Alex and Charlie nodded, Alex tucking her legs up to her chest as she leaned back against Charlie, her head resting on his arm, which was thrown across the back of the couch.

What’s your favourite thing about each other? Alex smirked and looked Charlie up and down, winking at the camera. Charlie did something similar, his arm moving down the sofa and grabbing at her hip, making his intentions more than clear. Owen gagged, and spun round, holding his forehead in his hands and shaking his head. “Joking. I love Charlie’s passion. He gets so invested in the things he loves, and watching him speak about stuff he’s genuinely interested in and excited for is the cutest thing in the world. He gets these like sparkles in his eye, and he jumps up and down and god it’s adorable. I also like his abs. They are, in a word exquisite. Not to mention his arms.” Charlie rolled his eyes, but pressed a loving kiss to her temple. “I love how talented Alex is. There’s not really anything she can’t do. Literally, she’s musical, athletic, and she’s like stupid smart. She has a degree. From college. Like woah. And I also love when she gets super excited about something, or when she gets like really emotional- not sad, just when she’s feeling something really intensely, she starts like bouncing up and down in her seat, and clapping her hands or shaking them really fasr. It’s literally like the most adorable thing ever. And her ass. It’s pretty cool too.” Owen coughed and held a hand up. “Right well, there’s one thing she can’t do. She can’t dance. Like at all. It’s quite funny.” Charlie nodded, as did Alex. “Dancing, definitely not my forte. Also, when he says athletic, he means I played field hockey in high school and college. The most exercise I get now is when he’s hor-” Owen stood up quickly, and Charlie covered her mouth with his hand. “Okay, that’s all for this video! Hope you guys are suitably grossed out. Thanks for watching, goodbye!!!”

Owen turned off the camera, and Alex grinned before turning to Charlie, connecting her lips with his in a soft kiss. Finally being allowed to talk about her relationship was a major relief, after having to hide it for so long. “Gross, can you wait til I’m gone at least?” Alex rolled her eyes and flipped him off, climbing off the sofa. “No, cause we’re going out for dinner. Can you call Sav, baby? Let her know we’ll be like an hour?” Charlie nodded, watching her with a dazed smile as she wandered into their bedroom, already tying her long hair up out of the way for a hard session of outfit searching. “You’re in so deep with that one, man.” Owen looked at Charlie knowingly, who just shrugged and continued to smile. “What can I say. She’s the one.” Owen shook his head and rolled his eyes, but he was smiling, happy that another one of his best friends had found real love. Charlie scrolled through the contacts on Alex’s phone, clicking on Savannah’s name and raising the phone to his ear. He jumped when she picked up, holding the phone at arm’s length. “Oh my god, Sav it’s me, not Alex. She said to tell you we’re going out in a couple of hours, and to be ready to go for 7. That cool?” Savannah spoke rapidly on the other side of the line, agreeing and squealing with excitement when she heard Owen would be there. “I’ve missed you guys! Okay, see you soon!” Charlie hung up and set his girlfriend’s phone down, reaching for the remote, and turning on the TV. “Wanna watch the NHL?” Owen nodded, kicking his feet up on the coffee table, and looking at the clock on the wall. It was only half three.

[amazingdriverfics]

Professor

This took me so much longer than it should have - cries in writers block -. Anyway I hope that you all like it, this is my comeback and I hope to write a lot this month so I have a lot of posts for you when College starts once again.

Just wanted to remind you all that my requests are open and that I’m thankful for all of you and for you taking the time to read my work.

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: porn, professor x student sex, dominant Charlie

Pairing: Charlie Barber x reader

Summary: You always saw Charlie as a genius, but you never expected him to notice you too.

My masterlist

You sit in the first chair, notebook in hand and eyes trained on the door waiting for the genius director to walk inside the room, you had seen some of his plays every now and then whenever College allowed you to, he was one of your biggest inspirations in the business today, you believed his plays were truly revolutionary. Because of that, your anxiety was on the roof, you were ready to absorb every single word he would say and every single advice he could give so that, one day, you could be someone nearly as great as Charlie Barber.

The whole environment changes as he walks in, the conversations die and the whole room falls into silence, not the uncomfortable kind, but with how astonishing his presence is, chatting becomes impossible. You keep your eyes on him, watching as the handsome man with shoulder length black hair, deep dark eyes, prominent nose and fluffy lips walks towards the front of the class, his light blue button up shirt and black pants hugging his form perfectly.

For a brief second as he makes his way to where he should stand and looks at the students ready to learn from him giving sweet smiles and waves, his eyes lock with yours, making you wet your lips in a nervous gesture before smiling as every body hair on you stands. It doesn’t last too long, but the brief nod Charlie gave you almost caused you to melt right on your chair, God if you had a man like that.

“Hello class, it’s a pleasure to be here and give some advice and share knowledge with the future great directors. It’s my first time as a College professor and I hope this semester is good for all of us.” his deep voice echoes through the room, and it seems like it rings in your ears, just how he sounds making you close your legs, starting to feel a bit more excited than you should be.

A sea of voices answer the man and it causes him to give a pleased smile, his dark eyes almost closing and shining. God, when you thought Charlie couldn’t get any more handsome, he proves you wrong.

“Let’s get started then” he says before grabbing the control to switch the powerpoint and starting to talk about his genius mind.

The class is great, Charlie knows how to teach without making things boring, always making sure to tell a funny story or a joke to keep everyone entertained, but not enough to make him seem annoying. His advice is also great, at the end of his speech you typed so much that it almost felt like your fingers were about to fall. When the question time finally arrives he answers everything lightly, making sure to listen to every student until the end and to be respectful no matter how basic the question might seem. And of course the man is a sight for sore eyes, many times you found your eyes lost on his figure, your mind travelling to nastier places as you imagined everything you could and wanted to do with the man, even though you knew it would never truly happen.

You are once again looking at the tall man when you notice the sound of people standing up and walking, meaning he dismissed the class. You do your best to not make a fool out of yourself, trying to put your things inside your backpack to stand and leave as well as quickly as possible, but since the destiny was hardly ever on your side, it’s obvious that when you put your head up again you are alone in the room with Charlie.

As your eyes lock with his, heat travels to your cheeks and instantly shame pumps through your body, you were such a fool. “I’m sorry professor, I’m leaving now, I got a bit distracted at the end” you say getting up, but as you pull your backpack up ready to put it on, his voice interrupts you.

“You were definitely distracted, care to explain?” Charlie asks you, his dark eyes still locked on yours as they shine and you can swear that his voice is filled with malice, but you are too nervous to even act on that, not wanting to ruin your image to the teacher on the first day.

“I- well” you start stuttering, failing to find the words to explain why you were so distracted, you couldn’t simply tell him that you were too distracted by your attraction to him. “I have a lot on m-my mind” you try to sound confident, but you can’t even believe the words leaving your mouth.

“Is that so?” he asks, giving a step towards your direction and causing your backpack to fall to the ground, your body not responding as you feel his body heat. “I don’t think you believe in the words you just said, I surely don’t. Now be a good girl and tell me what really happened” Charlie whispers in your ear, making your pussy wetter and your body to shiver. His closeness doesn’t last too long sadly, in no time his body is far from yours again and his voice is not as deep anymore. “I just want to help you.”

It feels like the room runs out of air, your brain gives up trying to find words to answer the man as your lungs try desperately to be filled with oxygen again. All you can really do is look directly into his eyes, lips slightly parted as you breathe through your mouth, noticing the amusement on his face as you struggle to react as a normal human being. Never in a million years you would imagine that Charlie Barber would flirt with you.

“Cat got your tongue, beautiful?” he asks before laughing, the sound of his laugh echoing through the room.

“N-no. I’m just a bit nervous” you reply honestly, even though Charlie wasn’t making you nervous, your brain just couldn’t stop thinking you were understanding all the signs wrong, even though they were quite explicit.

“And why is that?” Charlie asks more seriously, the flirting aura he held before dissipating as he shows you his worry in making sure you are comfortable.

“I admire you so much” you start replying, playing with your fingers as you take your eyes off of his and look down. “I’m not sure if I’m imagining things…” you whisper the last part, closing your eyes for a brief moment.

Once again he closes the distance between your bodies, this time standing a little bit further than the last time, his eyes once filled with malice were softer. “I want you y/n, but if you don’t feel comfortable with this, we’ll stop right now.”

You find the courage to look at him again, confused about how he even knew your name, since you never had the opportunity to tell him. “How?”

“I have been interested in you ever since you entered the theatre for the first time, but before I had the time to even talk to you, you were out the door. The second time you went with a friend and I asked her for your name. When I entered this classroom and saw you sat in here, my heart almost exploded out of my chest.” he confesses taking a step forward, his hands travelling to your cheeks, thumbs caressing your skin lightly making you gasp. Charlie Barber had noticed you.

He looks at you asking for permission to go forward and you don’t think twice before nodding, feeling his breath on your skin as his lips come closer, his eyes closing a second before yours. As his lips touch yours softly, at first, it feels like your soul is leaving your body, goosebumps travel through you and you do your best to keep control of your muscles, letting your hands travel to the base of his neck, feeling his soft hair as his huge hands still hold your head in place. Slowly, his tongue caresses yours, both mouths moving in sync as if they belonged together all along.

Charlie stops for a moment, his lips leaving yours and his hands travelling to the end of your shirt still not taking it off as he asks you: “Is that okay? We can always stop if you don’t want this.”

“Please Charlie, I want you so bad” you confess, voice filled with want, the anticipation almost killing you.

He doesn’t need to be told twice, as soon as he hears your permission Charlie lets you go and walks towards the door in the same confident pace that he had as he walked into the classroom earlier. As he locks the door, he turns to look at you once more, a smirk adorning his lips when he says “We don’t want to be interrupted, do we?”.

You shake your head twice before watching as he comes back to you, walking like a hunter ready to get to his prey, undoing his cuffs and folding his sleeves, his forearm becoming free of the light blue fabric. In no time his body is towering yours and his hands are once again at the end of your shirt, playing with the soft fabric of it as his eyes, now darker than you had ever seen, drowned in yours. Charlie’s patiente doesn’t last too long, before you can even process his change of attitude your shirt is on the floor, far from your body and you shiver as you feel the cold air of the room contrasting with your skin which seems to be on fire.

His eyes leave yours for a second as they travel down to your torso, watching as your chest moves in sync with your heavy breathing, your purple lace bra covering your hard nipples, proudly pressing against the fabric.

“Such pretty tits” Charlie whispers with want, his hands travelling to your covered nubs, his thumbs slowly teasing them and causing you to moan quietly, mouth falling slightly agape as his touch sends pleasure waves directly to your clit. “You like when I touch you, princess?” he asks, taking his eyes back to yours.

“I do” you whisper back to him, hearing as your voice fails a bit. Charlie had barely started and you are already dripping wet for the man.

You see him smirk as his hands travel lower, every inch his fingers touch coming to life as you bite your lips, trying to stop yourself from moaning to the mere thought of his hands on your pussy, playing with you until you are satisfied and can’t take anymore. Charlie’s fingers stop one more time, this time on your denim waistbands and you watch as he wet his lips, a devilish glimmer on his eyes, once again acting as if you are his prey, which by now you surely felt like it.

“I bet your panties are soaked for me. Am I right, love?” Charlie whispers the last part near ear, making you clench around nothing, forcing you to become more and more aware of the emptiness inside of you.

“You are, Charlie” you answer, listening as he hums pleased with you before finally setting your body free from the denim, once again making you feel the temperature contrast between your body and the room, your wet purple panties being the most impacted by it.

He takes a step back, truly fucking you with his eyes, making sure that not one inch of skin is left unnatended by his orbes and you aprecciate the moment to take a look at him too, watching as his muscles are inhanced by his tight shirt, salivating as you see his big cock pressing against his pants and losing your breath as you assimilate the want in his looks.

“You're the most beautiful thing I have ever seen” Charlie confesses causing you to lose your words, all you can do is smile at him, feeling as your heart beats even faster than before. “You are” he repeats.

This time you surprise yourself and Charlie by being the one to close the distance between your bodies, putting your hands on his neck and chest as you pull him closer, closing your eyes when his full lips touch yours, the electricity you feel everytime he touches you back once again. The kiss is now more intense, his tongue dominating yours, his huge hands squeezing your ass hard as Charlie presses his cock against you, causing you to moan in his mouth imagining the moment when he’ll finally fill you up completely.

You both part when you run out of air, his hands not leaving your ass and yours not leaving his body as you two stared at each other. “Please fuck me, Charlie” you beg at him, not feeling ashamed to surrender to your needs.

He doesn’t need to be told twice, Charlie lets you go for a moment before carrying you to the teacher’s desk, letting your legs hang off the edge of it. He stands in between your legs, fingers caressing your bare sides as his lips kiss your neck, sometimes claiming you as his with purple marks, painting your skin like a galaxy, his galaxy. In a slow pace you feel as his fingers travel towards your cunt, tracing the shape of it as he touches the soaked fabric, tempting you, watching as you squirm and moan under him, pressing your nails on the wood.

“Puh-please” you stutter, the pressure building inside of you becoming too much to be satisfied with light touches, you need him and you need him now.

“Such a greedy pussy” he says before making a ‘tsk’ sound with his mouth, as if he disapproved of your behavior. “Begging for her owner to ruin her” he states looking at your eyes before hooking his fingers on the edge of your pantiens and putting them in his pocket.

Before you can even react to what happened, two of his thick fingers are inside of you, the wetness of your cunt allowing them to move freely with no resistance and causing the room to be filled with the sloppy sounds of him fingerfucking you. Charlie looks directly into your eyes as he opens and closes his fingers touching your inner walls before curling them and touching your g-spot, making you open your mouth and hold onto the table as if your life depended on it. His pace is slow at first, allowing you to feel every inch he touches before pulling out and to catch a breath before he slips them inside of you once more. That doesn’t last too long, however, as you get wetter and he finally adds a third finger he allows himself to accelerate, sending electricity through your nerves and causing your clit to pulse as a cry for attention, but you are too distracted by Charlie to even care for your sore nub. You were pretty sure you were about to cum when his fingers leave you feeling empty and unsatisfied.

You open your mouth to complain, but you are cut-off by his dominant voice. “Don’t be ungrateful” Charlie says harshly, not giving you space to say anything back to him.

You watch him as he takes his wet fingers to your lips, on a silent command for you to suck them clean and you don’t think twice before opening your mouth so he can push them in, massaging his fingers with your tongue and seductively sucking on them as if you were sucking on his big cock, you do all of this while looking into his eyes, doing your best to keep an innocent expression. Your show doesn’t go on for too long, in no time your mouth is left empty just like your cunt.

Charlie slowly undo his belt and throws it on the floor, lowering his zipper, before hooking his fingers on his waistband and lowering the black pants. Your eyes are immediately drawn to his white underwear, looking at the wet spot causing the fabric to become see-through right next to his thick cock pressing against the underwear. “Like what you see?” he asks with a deep voice, watching intently to your every move.

You nod twice quickly causing Charlie to laugh before letting the white fabric slip, revealing his veiny big and thick cock, with a vivid red tip wet with some of the precum that had oozed out of it. He steps forward once again, dick in hand while the other one holds your thigh, keeping you in place. “I will fuck this pretty pussy of yours now, but you have to keep quietor else I’ll stop” he warns you, gaining a “yes” as a reply. For a second, he teases you once more, wetting his cocktip on your folds, slowly pressing it up and down, sometimes touching your sore clit, making you squirm.

Charlie doesn’t make you wait too much longer, he couldn’t, after all, he was just as needy as you, maybe a bit better at controlling it, but there was only so much he could do. He starts filling you up slowly, allowing heavy breaths to leave his mouth as his cock twitched a bit inside of you, touching every inch of your inner walls before finally hitting your cervix, making you feel the fullest you had ever felt. As you get used to his size, you breathe slowly, doing your best not to moan, not wanting to let Charlie down.

“So tight, I think I’m going to ruin you, princess” he mumbles before taking half of his dick off, slamming it into you gently, creating a soft and slow pace.

You hold onto him wherever you can, letting your nails run through the skin of his back, not enough to really hurt him, just to create some friction and to let some of the want inside of you to come out in a way that didn’t make a sound. You feel as Charlie takes you to the stars fucking you, feeling as his dick stretched you completely before leaving you empty for a few seconds, feeling as his lips go back to your neck, kissing the soft skin, sometimes evem biting it after praising you.

“Can you feel it? How hard I am for you?” he aks picking up the pace, making the table shake with every thrust, with every encounter of his hips with yours

You moan out something that should sound like a yes and you can feel Charlie smiling on your skin, slamming on you harder this once to prove his point, making you feel every inch of him, hitting your cervix, making your clit pulse with joy and pleasure to pump through your veins. It becomes impossible this time to avoid making a sound and you groan loudly feeling as his pace goes back to the previous slow one, punishing you for the mistake you made.

The punishment is hard, Charlie had you close to the edge, but his pace isn’t enough to make you cum and it makes you cry, makes you hold him tighter, feeling as his skin warms yours and as his cock makes you clench. He soothes you, taking his hand to your cheek, catching some tears and kissing your forehead before fucking you harder and rubbing your clit, making your mouth fall agape and your back arch.

Your climax hits you like a lighting, making every part of you burn pleasurably as you close your eyes, inner walls clenching and milking his cock, feeling as his rhythm becomes unstable, his cock twitching once more as he bites your neck, fucking you through both of your orgasms as he spills his release on you, filling you with his seed.

The two of you stay like that for awhile, his softening dick inside of you as his forehead touches yours, you two looking at the other ones eyes as you catch your breath, trying to assimilate what happened and how good you felt, the post orgasm feeling lingering through your body.

“We are definitely doing this again, princess” Charlie says softly before smiling, his eyes glimmering with joy.

[effymaybe]

hello, author! deathbyjenlisa on wattpad has this prompt: future post-disbandment au where they live in a tiny little apartment in the middle of nowhere in Paris together with their cats and dogs, and they own like a flower shop or something. and finally, FINALLY doing a vlive together where they announce their relationship to the world. (may we have this piece from u? u r one of the best rpf writers i know. thank u in advance!)

deathbyjenlisa on wattpad I love you and I’m SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG I KNOW SUCK also here it goes!

Warnings: Fluffy fluffity fluff

Jennie closes her eyes as the faint afternoon sun caresses her glowing skin throughout the window.

She breathes slowly, content. Inside the just-conveniently-sized apartment, the atmosphere is still nice and warm despite the first bites of winter cooling down the air of the city.

The brunette is enjoying of a pleasant break after a few hours of frankly successful designing, and her previous artistic buzz has left place to a nice, tickly feeling still twitching in the pad of her fingers.

She sighs just as a fluffy warmth gazes against her legs earnestly.

“Hello, Lily. Miss mommy already?”

The cat looks up at her almost as if in agreement. Jennie leans down to pet her behind her ears, just as she likes it the most.

“I miss her, too. Maybe Jisoo is right. We might be a little bit needy”.

Lily keeps purring under Jennie’s soft hand, clearly happy with the attention she is given. The brunette smiles to herself. She figures that the kitten would actually hesitate if she had to choose between her two moms.

Thankfully, she doesn’t have to.

“Okay, baby. Let’s get you an afternoon treat, yeah? Don’t tell the others”.

Lily’s silent vow of trust is pointless, really. As soon as Jennie shakes the so-secret pack of treats hidden at the very bottom of the kitchen counter, the whole feline family plus an equally excited Kuma enter the room with bright eyes and a grumbling stomach.

The brunette is unfazed. She’s been dealing with this routine for almost three years already, and despite she likes to complain to her girlfriend about her unmeasured need for adopting cats, she wouldn’t change the daily, often overcrowded cuddles for anything in the word.

“There”, she mumbles, filling her pets’ plates with practiced patience, “so that you know that I can be the cool mom, too”.

She stands straight again, glancing at the different furs engaging in their eating. A giddy feeling starts to bloom in her heart suddenly, a sense of happiness mixed with a now unfamiliar pang of uncertainty that weakens her limbs.

They are definitely taking a gigantic step today.

A very much needed, absolutely wanted step.

She runs her fingers through her rich chocolate hair, glancing around with a critical, designer eye as she moves to the living room. It’s small, really, like the rest of the place, but so fantastically decorated –according to a proud Lisa staring at a flattered but shy Jennie- that it often features a big bunch of house décor Instagram accounts.

The brunette puts her hands on her hips.

It’s beautiful. She loves her house. She loves the size, the shape, the colors, the fact that she can have a modest yet quite impressive sight of the Eiffel tower only by opening the French door to the balcony. She loves the city, the accent, the passion. She loves the people, who have taken her and her family wholeheartedly, without questions. She loves her sons and her daughter and she loves, loves, loves her girlfriend with every beat buzzing in her chest.

What she does not love so much right now are those yellowish pillows, that-

“Hello, love”.

An instant smile plasters itself in Jennie’s expression. Steady arms circle her waist tenderly, and plump lips kiss the column of her neck in a tender motion.

“Mmm, hi”.

God, she really behaves like a teenager whenever her girlfriend is around.

“Brought you flowers, baby”, she hears against her ear, and just then she glances down to catch the sight of daisies and red tulips contrasting against each other in a big, gorgeous bouquet.

“Thank you”, she mumbles back, taking the gift with pointed care, “but you are going to empty our shop if you keep taking flowers”.

Lisa chuckles lowly, pure affection dancing in her eyes.

“You know I always order extra just for you”.

The tallest girl lets her girlfriend spin around in her arms. Her expression softens even further at the sight of sharp, stunning features. Lisa’s right hand naturally drifts up to grasp Jennie’s nape in an unconscious attempt to keep her close.

It’s not that Jennie would like to leave, anyway. The shortest girl leans up, gleeful, and her girlfriend meets her in the middle to wrap her up in a soft, welcoming kiss. They spend a few delightful seconds just like that, enjoying each other. It’s unlikely, Jennie thinks sometimes, to adore someone with such strength month after month, year after year. And their love has changed, actually.

It has gotten better. Stronger.

So it’s time to take the next big step.

“I’m ready”, Jennie murmurs against Lisa’s lips, and feels a smile shaping against her own mouth.

“Okay”. The tallest brunette takes a step back to take in her girlfriend’s figure, feeling a soft warmth spreading in her chest. “You look amazing. I love the shirt. It’s a pity they’ll only get to see a half of you”.

Jennie chuckles a breathless thank you, pulling fully away from her lover to look for a standee where to place her phone. In the meantime, Lisa takes her time to greet the rest of her wide family, already full and half-asleep on their respective beds. When she comes back to the living room, her girlfriend is already sitting cross-legged on the wide, greyish couch, figuring out the best angle to gather the afternoon light. On top of the coffee table lies the bouquet she got from the small flower shop they decided to put up mainly as a hobby after their successful careers as Blackpink members.

Lisa can’t help the grin that stretches across her face.

She’s just so, so happy.

“Baby”, she murmurs, moving slowly to sit beside the brunette.

Jennie looks at her and tilts her head in a sign of attention.

“I love you so much”.

Lisa’s unprompted sincerity is rewarded with a gummy smile and a soft peck.

“I love you, too, beautiful”.

A message travels across their joined gazes. A renewed vow of loyalty, love, and support. It’s their way to letting each other know that they are ready, no stepping back. The time and their own effort have prompted the building of a bond that lasts beyond obstacles, beyond fear.

When Jennie presses the screen to start the live, they are both leaning comfortably against each other.

“Hi”, the shortest brunette mumbles after a few seconds. Against her skin, the soft vibration of Lisa’s muffled laughter makes her blush in a rush of shy joy. “This is Jennie”.

The tallest girl grins at her girlfriend’s soft tone. “And Lisa”, she adds cheerfully. “We are here… to talk…”

Jennie’s right hand moves unconsciously to caress her lover’s arm up and down, just as she does each time a bitter hint of anxiety threatens to deprive her from fresh air. In exchange, as a caring reflex, Lisa embraces her narrow shoulders with her arm, keeping the brunette’s body flushed against her own.

“…to talk about us… We’ve seen some theories on the internet since… well, even before Blackpink stopped making… official music”, Jennie adds, eyeing the rising number of viewers at the corner of the screen.

It’s amazing. It’s been years already, and their fans are as many and as supportive as they were before.

“By the way, we might have a surprise coming soon!”, Lisa intervenes, and watches with silent amusement as her girlfriend crunches her nose just slightly besides her.

“Lili, no spoilers!”, Jennie complains only half-heartedly, melting inwards as the tallest brunette pouts just slightly.

“Mmh, sorry, babe”, she hears against her ear then, and all her fake annoyance disappears as soon as it started.

She turns around, keeping up with her admonishing from just to see her girlfriend pouting deeper, and her wish is immediately granted. They look at each other for a moment, their expressions turning into soft, dizzy smiles dripping pure adoration, and it takes both of them a moment to realize that there are about a million people watching them interact at the moment.

“So, huh, us!”, Jennie states, turning towards the camera once again. “Us… so… where do we even start”, she giggles, somehow lost. There is so much to tell. So many tears, so many victories.

“Well… to answer the basics… yes, we are girlfriends”, Lisa speaks then, loud and clear, smiling brightly, almost as if illuminated by her own love.

Jennie feels a burst of pride striking against her heart. She knows that her lover is being so, so brave.

“Girlfriends”, the shortest brunette affirms, and her sharp stare meets Lisa’s open doe eyes. “As in dating, hand-holding, kissing girlfriends, not the best-friends-forever type”.

The tallest girl chuckles brightly, both because rambling Jennie is funny and adorable and also because the tension of the moment makes her chest feel tickly.

Well, it’s there now.

The world knows that Jennie is her girlfriend.

The sudden, pleasing thought of their truth being outwardly spoken makes her feel lighter, elevated as she stares at Jennie with an expression that even herself knows that screams whipped.

It doesn’t matter, really, because her lover’s eyes distillates a feeling of the same fashion.

They tear their gazes apart from each other only when the enrapturing sensation starts to die down in a soft giddiness. They glance at the appearing messages almost with fear, but sunned smiles bright up their features when they read –mostly- comments both congratulating them and asking a billion questions about their relationship.

“’Oh my god this is so shocking… who would say that two rich, adult women choosing to live together raising each other’s’ pets would be dating!’. Well, thanks for the sarcasm, Lisa’shoe… also, careful with that username”, Jennie murmurs. She rolls her eyes in feign annoyance, but her dopey grin stays in place. At her side, still embracing her shoulders in a protective side-hug, Lisa chuckles again, so visibly content, shining, that the shortest girl has to make an effort not to stare at her throughout the mirrored screen.

“Oh, ‘when did you start dating?’ I don’t think we can say exactly when, but...” Jennie begins, her eyes falling on her girlfriend as if searching for help.

“Some years after all the… shipping started, actually. It took us some time…”

“It took you some time if I remember correctly...”, Jennie plays, her sharp expression both softening and growing more electric.

Lisa smiles, all teeth and happiness, and gives in the need of squeezing her girlfriend against her just a little bit tighter.

“But I’ve always liked you! You know it!”, she complains, a slight whine tangling in her voice.

“Of course! I’m amazing!”, Jennie bites back, brushing her long hair past her shoulders in a mocking gesture.

“You are”, Lisa murmurs, staring deep into chocolate without a care in the world, and the sincerity in her words makes Jennie’s pulse speed up crazily.

She leans in for a soft, quick peck, unable to stop herself, and is greeted by such an elated expression when she pulls away that she has to kiss her girlfriend once more, just to steady her soaring heart.

She’s so, so ridiculously in love.

“Charmer”, she mumbles, blushing deeply, and turns around to read another thousands of totally-freaking-out-because-of-their-cuteness messages. “Thank you guys. Really. This truly means a lot for us... The girls know, of course”, she chuckles, “They knew before us, probably. Yes, we are working on something. Nope, no spoilers!”, she winks.

Lisa reads the comments as well, absent-mindedly tangling her long fingers in her girlfriend’s soft chocolate locks, perfectly warm in the familiarity of their home.

“Yes, we are still in Paris. We love it here. The flower business is going well”, she grins, “Yes, I am the best girlfriend ever, right, babe?”

Jennie raises a single eyebrow, but gives in anyways.

“Maybe. You are the only one I’ve ever had”, she teases, gifting her girlfriend a slight shrug.

“And the only you will have!”, Lisa answers back, a playful growl playing with her deep voice in a way that makes Jennie’s stomach tingle in a quite particular way.

“Likewise, Manoban. Ah, yes, our parents know. Lisa’s parents were supportive since day one. My mom… well, it took her some time. Now she calls her whenever she needs anything. Can you believe it?”

They continue the late afternoon like that, leaning against the comfort of each other, answering some of the million questions people over the world have about their relationship.

They knew it will be like that. The sheer support, however, left them truly stunned. They were told so many times that what they were doing was wrong, immoral, dangerous, that the almost absolute acceptance of the people that surrounds them hit them like a soft, fluffy pillow in a dizzy night.

When Jennie finally turns off the live –promising to make another one soon, and yes, to give away more details, and maybe to talk about the possibility of a wedding-, the hint of the pale moonlight is already creeping past their open windows.

Jennie and Lisa stare at each other with twinning grins playing in their lips.

“So, we just did that”, the brunette mumbles.

The apartment is almost silent. Their pets are still sleeping. Only the faint sound of the never-asleep city tangles with the mute electricity of the aftermath of their bravery.

Lisa’s bright eyes darken suddenly, urged by a rush of passionate love.

“We did that. And it went really, really well”.

Jennie smiles openly, her gums nicely on display. The tallest girl feels her heart growing three sizes against her chest. Her hands lock on her girlfriend’s waist, tugging, begging her to find a way to be even closer to her body, downing in affection.

The shortest girl does not disappoint. She moves to sit down on her lap.

“Baby, we did it”, she murmurs again, in a happy awe.

Lisa starts to giggle, and the soft sounds are mirrored by her lover.

“You were incredible”, she mumbles, then, locking her stare with her girlfriend’s once again. A strong feeling, an unspoken declaration moves through them, sparkling. With the corner of her eyes, unfocused as she favors the marvelous sight of her girlfriend’s face, Lisa can see the lights of their phones going off –probably some messages from their friends and family- but the girls stay put in their delightful bubble, nevertheless.

“So did you, love. Can you believe it?”, Jennie begins, letting her feelings pour out, both soft and heavy in her words, “Now they know that you are mine and I’m yours.”

Lisa swoons.

That’s something they’ve talked about. The need to be with each other freely, to shout out their hidden love at the top of their lungs, proud, shattering.

Lisa leans up for a deep, toe-curling kiss. When Jennie pulls out to draw in a happy breath, the tallest girl turns both their phones off.

The rest of their lives can wait. Right then, however, Jennie and Lisa are set to celebrate their thorough love in the way they like it the most.

[minghaos-pet]

unusual seventeen date ideas

zoolA/N: I’m posting these to fill in the space while I finish chapters for my fics. These ideas came from a ritalin-fueled afternoon so they are NOT intended to be serious. I definitely do not see any of the members engaging in these types of activities so, again, none of this is serious

Warnings: criminal activity, theft, “”borrowing””, mentions of drugs (no drug use), pyramid schemes, some softness and fluff, brief mentions of police (acab), mentions of trash, mentions of food, heights

stealing bikes with seungcheol

seungcheol would pick you up precisely at 5am from outside your house, he would drive you through some quiet suburban neighborhoods (so romantique) and you'd pick off any bikes, trikes, and (if you're really lucky) electric scooters you find sitting outside the pristine homes of the neighborhood. Then you both would spend the whole day at the local park having fun and trading the bikes you stole to kids for their drones, ice cream cones, lunch money, whatever you want! the options are limitless when you're stealing bikes with seungcheol.

dumpster diving with jeonghan

your dates with jeonghan usually consisted of going out to fancy restaurants and getting something to eat, most definitely in multiple courses. "let's try something different," jeonghan suggested when you popped the nightly question of what do you want to eat. Much to your surprise and delight, jeonghan drove you in his 2014 white honda civic to applebee's, one of your favorite establishments. "are we getting potato skins?" "haha," he chuckled with a light behind his eyes, "something like that." he parked behind the building and opened the door for you, leading you to the dumpsters. before you could process what was going on. jeonghan had whipped the dumpster lid open and was scaling the side of the structure.  you spent the rest of the evening going from place to place, scoring new makeup palettes and other goodies. needless to say, it was amazing how many potato skins your local applebee's threw out everyday.

squatting in abandoned buildings with joshua

joshua was the sweetest, most thoughtful boyfriend you could ever ask for. he was constantly waiting on you hand and foot and taking you on lavish vacations. however, you were growing tired of trips to dubai and paris, and wanted to go on a more rugged, adventure vacation. you brought it up to him and he smiled at you, reading your mind. two weeks later, joshua surprised you with an uber ride to the nearest abandoned Kmart in your town, giddy with excitement, you found that he had already bolt-cut the padlock on the expansive automatic doors. You spent the night walking up and down the aisles before going up to the roof. unfortunately, the door to the roof locked automatically, trapping you on top of the kmart.  you and joshua spent the rest of your stay pointing out constellations and falling asleep under the stars before crafting a makeshift rope out of your own clothes to get down the building.

climbing things with jun

jun was a man of many hobbies and recreations, and climbing was one of them. every thursday and sunday night junhui would shake you out of bed and drag you to the nearest climbable structure. ladders, fences, even flights of stairs that led to god-knows-where. one sunday night, jun with excitement and anticipation coursing through his veins, he woke you up and ran out of bed so fast he barely had time to put on his shoes, not even noticing that he was wearing his old gucci slides on the wrong feet. "i have a good feeling about this one," he assured you while you ran through the night, finally approaching a cellular tower. without warning, jun began to climb and climb and climb, leaving you scrambling to get your foothold on the tower. once at the top, jun held your hand while you shivered against the wind. "y/n, look!" he shouted and pointed frantically at the ocean before you. "what is it?" "let's find out." wading through the ocean together, you struggled to keep up with his freestyle swimming towards your next target. it was an oil rig. oh junhui, you thought and smiled, what a character. you came back to the rig every thursday and sunday night, that is, before you were arrested by the coast guard, of course. classic junhui.

zoological warfare with soonyoung

it was no secret that soonyoung loved (and you mean loved) tigers. tiger stuffed animals filled your couches, bed, and dining room chairs; tiger paintings custom commissioned and worth thousands adorned your walls, and tiger videos from animal planet and other sources played night and day on your 100 inch television. Soonyoung cultivated his appreciation for the big cat by playing Zoo Tycoon on his laptop, so much that you practically had to rip the mouse out of his hand and threatened to burn the fifteen year old cd-rom. "soonyoungie," you cooed one afternoon, "i have a better idea than playing zoo tycoon..." immediately his eyes darkened, he knew exactly what you were talking about. You'd been to the zoo so many times before, but this time was different. While Soonyoung oohed and awwed at the tigers in their habitat, you reminded him of the real reason why you were at the zoo that late afternoon. Wire cutters in hand you were quick to disable the motion sensors and electric fences surrounding the enclosure. His deliciously built muscles strained while he pulled open the large fence, "you're free now," he whispered to himself. you both ran out of the habitat and back into the more populated areas of the zoo. words can't describe the elation soonyoung felt while he watched his favorite animals prance into the crowd, finally able to be their true selves.

recreating fahrenheit 451 with wonwoo

wonwoo loved his books more than anything else in his life, except, of course, you. he was halfway through his favorite book when the thought hit him like a ton of bricks. i have to recreate this with y/n, he thought to himself. He read for a couple more hours--not wanting to lose the plot of his favorite dystopian novel--before seeking you out. "y/n," he patted the top of your head lightly, "have you ever read fahrenheit 451?" "of course," you replied, smiling at your silly boyfriend, "we all had to read it in high school." not twenty minutes later were you and wonwoo elbows deep in the pile of books you had stacked in the middle of the alley by your apartment.

scalping concert tickets with jihoon

jihoon was a master producer, everyone knew it. The only thing he loved more than producing was making money, and you and your determined boyfriend were constantly jumping from one side-hustle to another. One of jihoon’s favorite side-hustles was printing fake concert tickets and selling them at the same venues he performed at. It was a two-in-one package, he used to tell you when you were hesitant about the legalities of such a practice. He’d sell tickets for hundreds, sometimes thousands, of dollars, a few hours before a performance and then he’d run inside, get ready, and perform himself! After a while, you stopped noticing the angry crowds that would gather outside the venues during shows and you let yourself enjoy the show from backstage surrounded by a heavy stack of cash. The best part was, you didn’t have to pay taxes on it!

Jihoon could do a number of jobs all at once, from starting etsy stores to mowing lawns for a couple extra dollars, but by far this was his favorite technique. With the money he made he could buy you the extravagances you deserved.

joining an MLM with seokmin

Seokmin was all about the newest, greatest thing. When Jihoon came by one day and told him all about his experience selling essential oils at house parties, seokmin was instantly hooked on the prospect. It took you a little bit of convincing, but after watching your boyfriend steal the show with suburban housewives at the parties he hosted, you knew you had to support him in every way you could. It took a second mortgage on your house and two paycheck advancements, but you were able to build up enough stock of essential oils from the headquarters to fill up your spare room. Party after party you and Seokmin gave out samples after samples, freebies galore, but you were never able to fully deplete the millions of bottles of clove oil and the blends seokmin swore would make you both rich. Even though you never broke even, you loved your new life with seokmin. You had to sell your house and live out of a mini-van you found abandoned on the highway, but it gave you and seokmin a great supply of #VanLife instagram posts.

grand theft auto with mingyu

Dating mingyu was always thrilling and there was always something exciting happening whenever you were together. Tonight was no different, as mingyu promised you that he was taking you out to get a new car. You were ecstatic, having only dated mingyu three and a half weeks, it was a little soon for such extravagant gifts like a whole car, but you weren’t one to complain and you certainly did not want to hurt his feelings.

The music blared loudly while you flew down the freeway in the new drop-top audi Mingyu got for you. You were a little worried when the car dealer insisted on coming with you for the test drive, but Mingyu’s charm and quick thinking, the dealer was nothing to worry about. Mingyu turned the radio up even higher when the sirens approached, adding to the thrill of the night.

“The lights make you look so pretty,” Mingyu fawned from the driver’s seat, “we should do this more often.”

You turned around to look behind you, the wind chapping your lips and whipping your hair, smiling. 

you’ve always wanted a police escort.

borrowing from designer stores with minghao

minghao's sense of style was unparalleled, and being his significant other, you were privy to plenty of style and fashion advice. not that you minded, of course, because minghao would usually get so fed up with your disastrous outfits that he would let you wear his own clothes to save time and hassle. "y/n," minghao sighed after watching you put layer three jackets on top of each other, "we're going shopping. I'm going to teach you how to buy clothes." the places minghao shopped were unbelievable; while you usually bought your clothes off of Wish and Aliexpress, minghao was a well-known regular at versace, hermes, louis vuitton, and every other designer you could think of. your minimum wage paycheck could in no way sponsor these purchases, so you were completely reliant on minhao for these types of shopping trips. once in gucci, minghao pulled his bucket hat lower, covering his eyes and instructing you to do the same. he swung around the large umbrella he carried with him to the shops (confusing since it was not raining), and you watched him drop item after item into the half opened umbrella. astonished and amazed, you grabbed a wallet off of the shelf and attempted to pocket it discretely, but were caught by security. You watched as minghao left the store while you were being interrogated by the mall security. Lucky for you, you were able to get away safely and caught up with minghao to grab a pretzel before leaving the mall.

hitchhiking to jeju with seungkwan

there wasn't a day that went by when seungkwan didn't miss home: the tangerine groves, the crisp sea air, and Hallasan mountain. on one of his routine pining sessions, you had the brightest idea you'd had in a very long time, it was your chance to finally go on a much needed trip with Seungkwan to the place he loved most. You whipped out yours and his favorite and most reliable tennis shoes, grabbed a bottle of water to share, and set on your way. Despite the heat and exhaustion, seungkwan was overjoyed to be on his way to Jeju, especially to be able to go there with you and show you his old stomping grounds. As you both walked, thumbs out, you found refuge in a few nice strangers' cars. Seungkwan loved the economical nature of your trip and you loved the fact that you got to spend it with him.

cult-hopping with vernon

vernon had some...interesting hobbies and past-times, but being his significant other you loved to share these moments with him, even if they were a little strange at moments. something that vernon had always, and he meant  a l w a y s wanted to do was something he called "cult-hopping" where the two of you would spend a few months to a year joining cult after cult just to understand and learn the ins-and-outs of each organization before leaving and moving onto the next one. For the first few weeks, the experience was painfully slow, but after you'd moved on to your fourth (or was it fifth?) cult, you began to develop the understand and appreciation for it that vernon always hoped you would. You drank kool-aid, had communal baths, and even shared in some unusual choices of meals. It warmed your heart t be able to spend this much needed time with vernon, and he was happy to learn more about cults.

drug trafficking with chan

airports were your absolute favorite place, something about them made you feel so comforted and at home. with chan there to hold your hand through security and sew up secret pockets in your luggage, it felt extra special. you weren't new to the drug trafficking scene, and found it as a lovely way to make some extra money when funds were tight; although chan was definitely not in need of money due to his idol career, he still loved to see what you did best. He watched a few youtube tutorials and already he was a pro at getting through security and past the drug dogs. You marveled at how chan even bent down to pet a few of the canine officers, amazed at his composure throughout the whole process. If things went well this trip, you knew that your boss would ask him to join the ranks, meaning you and chan could fly, take trains, and travel whenever and wherever you wanted.

[bellasharifuddin]

The Day I Became a Mother

It’s been a while since I last post anything here, typing feels awkward as well. But this has always been a thing that I wanted to do since the day I’ve given birth, to document and blog about my pregnancy and my birth journey, so in 4-5 years to come when my memories fade, I can always come back to reminisce every detail that I keep here, like a memory capsule. 

The Day I Found Out I Was Pregnant. 

You know, when people say that when you have a strong intuition about something, trust your gut feeling, because it’s often true. Mirin and I have always talked about having kids, me wanting a baby so much within months after we got married, however, Mirin having second thoughts about it. We were both married for less than a year, sleeping on a toto without a mattress or a bed, living in the deep slum of Wangsa Maju area where the rats are larger than the cats. Hahaha. Naturally, given our circumstances, he’d want to take things slow. 

Fast forward to a couple of months, we went out for some steaks and karaoke on a weekend night. I told mirin to stop by Watsons, for me to buy a pregnancy test kit. Mirin didn’t question much, because occasionally I would randomly buy one, just for fun. But this time, I didnt just get one. I ended up buying three. Why? Because somehow, I had a strong feeling this time. I just felt... weird. It was a feeling that I can’t put it into words. 

We came home at midnight, I went to the bathroom too “pee on the stick”. Then I saw the first line... a few seconds later comes the second one. Oh my god. Okay. I knew Mirin was standing outside the toilet door, waiting. Eventually, I had to break the news to him. When I showed to Mirin, we both ended up hugging and crying. Was I happy? Was I in shock? Was I sad? Yes, a little bit of everything. Its funny that all you’ve wanted was a baby, then when it actually happens, suddenly you’re freaked out. Happy that its a blessing. Sad that it hits you without a warning. 

                                                      Pregnant!

When the morning sickness finally kicked in, I knew we couldn’t live in the current house. Its not the best place to raise a child. And the next-door neighbor was having major renovation that was super loud and noisy. After sleepless nights and searching for a new place, we eventually moved out. Bought our first bed, bought our first dining table, bought our first gas stove. A many of firsts. Soon we finally bought a baby cot from Ikea. We bought it too early. Although it was too early to put it up, but Mirin assembled it anyways. I could tell that he was excited. It was such a fun and exciting moment, for the both of us.

But those were the fun part. Like most pregnancies, the not so fun part about being pregnant was me being diagnosed with Pregnancy Hypertension during my 36th week of pregnancy. My blood pressure spiked up to 140/100 on two consecutive readings, and the next thing I know, that I’m sitting in an ambulance, on my way to Hospital Kuala Lumpur’s emergency building. 

                     At Hospital Kuala Lumpur. Waiting for an available bed

                  Mirin bought me the entire family mart food available xD

I spent 3 nights in their maternity wards, finally discharged after the doctor told me that I was clear to go. While I was in the hospital, it pains me to see new mothers struggling during the COVID19 pandemic. Throughout your stay, no visitations were allowed from anyone including your husband. If your baby cries or if you’re in pain, you’d have figure it out yourself. I remember praying to god while crying that I do not want to be induced there. The ward was stuffy and hot. There were too many people crammed in a room. It was hell. 

The Day That I Give Birth

One week after my discharge, we both went for my monthly checkup with my OBGYN at Pantai. Again, my doctor advised me to be induced tomorrow, since my blood pressure spiked again, and I was almost full term (38 weeks) so it was okay to go. She told me that “It’s best to get the baby out or else you boleh kena sawan” OMG Okay okay. So we packed our bags, ate sushi for dinner, slept soundly for the very last time, and headed to the hospital again at 9 am the next morning. 

                         Induction day. We definitely overpacked haha

       Arrived at the hospital lobby, did a mandatory swab test before entering

Appointment card. Booked and paid for the accommodations prior to checking in

I was told to change into my labor robe (I’m not too sure what it’s called), and waited. When my doctor finally arrived, she then began to insert some sort of a plastic strip deeeeeep into my cervix. Ouch, that hurts. Okay, so that’s how induction works eh? Then I was given antibiotics into my IV drip too, since I was GBS (Group-B Strep) Positive as well. 

                                Toilet selfie! Calm before the storm

After an hour, I felt the contraction. Initially it was uncomfortable, then it hurts like hell. The contractions felt like period pain but like a million times worse. Occasionally, Doctor Haslinda would come and check on my “bukaan”. Hours passed. 1cm... 2cm... 3cm.... when I finally said:

“Omg sakit sangat dah tak tahan, I want an epidural!“

Ok no, that was a lie. I initially didn’t want to take an epidural. I wanted to try and bear with the pain, but Mirin convinced me to take it, so after tossing and turning like a dying fish I finally said okay. 

The anesthesiologist came after what felt like an eternity, and asked me to sign a consent form. I’m not really sure what was written in that. Siapa je ada masa nak baca terms and conditions panjang panjang bila tengah contractions??? 

He told me to sit on the edge of the bed, while hugging a pillow. I remembered him injecting some numbing spray, then I felt the BIG NEEDLE poking through my spine. Then.. that was it. It was so fast. The entire process took only 5 mins. Was it painful as I thought it would be? No. Was it still scary tho? Yep hahaha.

Soon after, Dr Haslinda pecahkan air ketuban when I was 4cm dilated. It didnt hurt because I was on epidural, but I felt so much warm liquid flowing out non-stop. So bizarre. 

Once you’re on epidural, you’re basically bed-ridden. No bathroom trips anymore, my legs feel like jelly. Sometimes the nurse will come to empty my bladder with a catheter. When the epidural kicked in, I could finally sleep. I slept like a baby. I slept for hours. Painless. No more feeling like a dying fish. And so I thought.............

3am. I woke up with INTENSE CONTRACTION PAIN. Why is it so painful? I thought I’m on epidural? I called the nurse straight away. Turned out the epidural drug ran out. It was sooo stressful because the nurse that was on duty that night didn’t know how to topap balik the epidural drug into the machine. She called her colleague, then the colleague also tak tahu. Then both of them spent like forever to troubleshoot how to use the machine, sampai lastly kena call doctor tanya. YA ALLAH, rasa macam nak maki je. 

7am the next day. Bukaan baru 7-8cm. Doctor decided to use another form of induction to speed up the process. It’s called pitocin, and injected through my IV drip. Within MINUTES, I could feel very intense and painful contractions, that the epidural can’t even help. So throughout the remaining 7cm to 10cm, I felt every inch of real labor pain. I clenched Mirin’s hand. So tightly that I think it got bruised. A minute felt like an hour, and an hour felt like years. It was soo bad that my memory was so fuzzy. 

Finally, it was 10cm. Time to go. They put both of my legs up, macam gambar bawah ni haha: 

                                      Picture courtesy from Google

There were two nurses, one small cute Malay nurse, one pregnant Indian nurse, and my OBGYN, Dr Haslinda. I love them all, they were so supportive and nice to me throughout my labor process. My doctor taught me how to push correctly:

“Take a deeeeeeep breath then tahan, clench your fists, chin down and teran macam nak berak sekuat-kuat hati“

I was so determined to get the baby out. I just wanted the contraction pain to end. I did everything they told me to do. I hold on to Mirin’s hand, and PUSHHHHHHHEDDDDDD! I could hear Mirin saying “You’re doing great sayang!” After several pushes, and some sips of water breaks, the baby’s head is almost out. The head was the hardest to push. Besar! I literally felt like my down there was stretching to its limit. Once the head is out, I did another small push, and the rest of the baby’s body macam keluar instantly macam super slimy like that haha. 

Finally the baby is out! 8.26AM! The contractions stopped immediately. I instantly feel like I wasn’t pregnant anymore. The doctor then injected something on my thigh, then my uri just popped right out haha. My body felt so tired, but so so light. Lega, yay no longer pregnant haha. I ended up having second degree perineal tear without an episiotomy, and was stitched. I felt the benang, ngilu. I felt the needle pierced through my muscles too. But it didnt hurt so it wasn’t too bad. 

The baby gets cleaned up. Then soon all of the nurses left the labor room, it was just me, Mirin and our baby. Mirin picked her up, and azankan. Mirin started crying, I cried too. It was magical :’)

We did skin to skin and tried breastfeeding for the first time. As I look at her, hair was so thick. Her cute little fingers. Her beautiful face. She’s perfect. 

                            I slept for 5 hours straight after the labor

Thinking back, I have no idea how I managed to muster such courage to go through all these. Mirin even told me that during the active labor stage, when I was pushing, at one point I pushed so hard that my entire face turned blue. Talk about adrenaline.

Do I want to have another baby? Well, lets keep a rain check on that question for another few more years to come xD

[melyaliz]

Remember Me 7

Master List 

Fandom: My Hero Academia 

Summary: Olive doesn’t remember anything and Bakugou remembers too much. 

Pairing: Bakugou x OC (Olive) 

Notes: Scheduling posts? what is that? Some sort of plan? hahah what? I have decided I am not going to wait to post this. I have most of it written so I’m just going to clean it up and post as much as I can. I’m just in a “fuck this lets go” mood. 

Shout out to my husband who gave me that insult for my novel I’m working on... it was gross and honestly... I think there is something wrong with him. 

All Masterlists @melyalizarchive​

Connect with me! AO3 / Website / Pinterest / Newsletter 

DONATE or REQUEST

-0-0-0-0-0-0-- Olive --0-0-0-0-0-0-

“I need an insult for this character to call the other character,” Olive said looking up from her position on the floor where she was typing away editing the Alien romance she was working on. Eliott was playing some sports video game.

“A cum milkshake,” he said without missing a beat

“What?” Olive let out a slightly shocked laugh.

“You heard me.”

Olive fake gagged rolling her eyes as Eliott burst out laughing “See? It’s perfect, I don’t know any context but I’m sure it’ll fit into any story.”

“You nasty” Olive chuckled going back to her story. “I’ll keep my story questions to only guns, Metal bands, and sports.”

They both lapsed into silence again Olive moving from the floor to the couch continuing to mold her story. The bones were already there; she just needed to add the meat. Like creative insults. Eliott got up moving to their kitchen. A few moments later he reappeared with a glass of something.

“Oh speaking of Cum milkshakes.” Eliott snickered holding out the glass, “Try this.” he held out his beer stein which had what looked like a foamy orange juice.

“Oh fuck what is that?” Olive said, taking a sip without question. Regardless of his off-color jokes she always trusted Eliott with his food and drink concoctions.

“It’s a beer-mosa with that white that Joe gave us.”

“It’s amazing when did you think this up?”

“Right now.”

Reaching down Eliott tried to take the drink from Olive only to have her slowly pull away from him looking up as she took both hands to grip the cup frowning at him.

“Did you want me to make you your own?” he asked chuckling  

“Oh, this one isn’t mine?”

“No, I’ll make you one.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Bakugou has said he would be coming home late that night. Thus Olive had hunkered down with Dolemite to read her stories. Turns out she actually owned hard copies of the books on a shelf next to her desk.  So after finding a blanket she had made herself a nest to dive into her works.

Dragon’s Dick turned out to be officially named “On Dragon’s Wings” about the ups and downs of dating a dragon shifter. Two hours later she was live texting Lilly bits of the story laughing at her work and getting so exciting trying to guess the ending. Lilly was getting a kick out of it texting her back with crazy theories even though she knew just how things turned out.

Olive was in it deep which was why she felt like she was waking from a dream when the door opened to her apartment. Dolemite letting out a soft meow before walking up to greet the blonde.

Her husband.

She could hear him curse at the cut along with a string of low words she assumed were in Japanese. It made her chuckle as she was sure the clingy cat almost tipped him on his way in. The fluffy cat had a way of getting right under your feet when you didn’t pay attention to him.

A  moment later Katsuki came into the living room his dark red eyes searching for her slightly desperately only to relax when his gaze fell on her curled up in her fluffy blanket. She smiled up at him, eyebright body much more relaxed than they had been.

“Welcome home.”

“How’s it going?” he grunted nodding toward the book in her hand,

“I’m actually good! And like… it’s like reading all my ideas but finished!”

“Well that’s because they are,” he said sitting down next to her.

“I see so many things etched in these too… and some things I think are… maybe you?”

“Huh?” that took him by surprise.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled, flipping through a few pages trying to find the part. “It’s just so specific and I know it’s not something that.. Uhhh”

“Eliott would do.”

“Yeah”

“What is it?”

“I’m trying to… oh here it is.”

Brock leaned forward to light the fireworks “You light up my world” Cami said giggling at her own stupid joke.

“God you're stupid.” he chuckled his golden eyes flickering toward her as he, without looking lit up the firework. It sparked and flew up into the sky exploding into a million colors raining down on them. He was showing off now. Cocky smile on his face. “

Bakugou frowned, he had honestly never read her books. She had never asked him too so he just never had. But he now had a strong desire to pour over each text to see just what she thought of him. “You then tried to light one and almost set yourself on fire.”

“That’s in here too.” she laughed her thumbs going over the pages. “When did we start dating? This book says it was published about 3 and a half years ago.”

“Almost 4 years ago, we have been married for almost 2.”

“So we would have been together during at least some of this. That would make sense. Since there is a bit of a shift in tone from the first few chapters and the last ones. In fact this book in general is a bit different from my other ones that I do remember.”

“Oh?” Now he was really curious.  

“Before my stuff was more… funny. Offbeat and silly. And this one is a lot like that, maybe a bit darker humor and then it kind of shifts to…” she paused holding the book in her hands, “almost tender.”

“Tender?” something about that made his heart heavy. Tender. He wasn’t sure he would call their relationship tender. Fiery sure. Passionate yes. But Tender?

Bakugou wasn’t a tender guy.  

But thinking back to those first few months. Late nights texting. Video chatting. Her just smiling at him while he spent an hour explaining moves he was working on. Venting about work or just life. That one time she made him watch Miami Connection with her when she came to Japan and her laughing so hard she was in tears while he screamed at her asking why she would put him through something like that.

He didn’t think of those moments as tender but she did.

All those times he could catch her just smiling at him. Just sitting there watching him do whatever it was he was doing with this look that he couldn’t describe. At first, he used to get mad, thinking she was laughing at him feeling insecure about her gaze. But whenever he confronted her about it she would just shrug and go “I just like you.”

Then one day it was just normal. To see her catch his eye and just give him that soft smile. Like he was the greatest thing that had ever lived.

Looking back at it now was like seeing it in a different shade of color. Something about that seemed so strange to him. As if he was looking at this from an outsider. Looking in on someone else’s relationship.

“Hey Katsuki” her voice was soft and he was taken out of his musings. He turned studying her feeling that deep sadness that came from knowing that you may have lost something forever. All that history they had built together. A fear that maybe she wouldn’t like him anymore. She would want what she used to have so much more. That those looks she used to give him were gone forever. “I want to go to therapy.”

“What?” of all the things he thought she would say he wasn’t expecting that. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Didn't want to. As if he so much as made a sudden movement this moment would disappear too.

“Is there some way I could do that? Maybe I could find a way to jog my memories. I just… I hate this.” she studied his face, both of them trying to read the other trying to find what they had lost. “I want to remember you.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The next few weeks were weird ones. Bakugou would take a random day off here and there and even come home early or leave late. Just to make sure she felt comfortable in her environment. Help her find some sort of routine so she could do things without him needing to help her. While she always told him she could figure it out it was partly for him. He just wanted to make sure she was safe.

She started going to a therapist about twice a week and some things seemed to be coming back.

Mostly her Japanese.

Which made sense since she had been studying it for around a year before Eliott’s death. So Bakugou wasn’t sure if that was coming back because he was starting to talk to her in Japanese to help her or if it really was her memory.

There were other small things. Maybe muscle memory. When they would sleep he would feel her reach out for him, her fingers brush his side as if confirming he was there. He wasn’t sure if it was him or Eliott that she was reaching for but he didn’t care. Taking her fingers in his own he would hold onto her and pretend it was her body remembering him. Even if her mind didn’t

“Baku Baku?”

Bakugou froze at the nickname. He hadn’t heard that one in a long time. It was as if an icy hand had clinched his heart squeezing it hard. “What?” he asked.

“This video,” she said holding up. “Lilly sent it last night”

Olive was on Lilly’s floor laughing and talking in a mix of English and Japanese. He remembered that night. They had flown to the US to see some friends and family. While there Lilly, Clare, their husbands, and a few other friends had all gone out drinking. Olive had ended up taking shots with Clare and the two girls had gotten very drunk. Bakugou had basically half dragged, half carried her back to Lilly’s place

“That’s my fiance Baku Baku, he’s so cute.” Olive was saying as pointed at someone off screen.

“Good luck with that she’s done.” Lilly’s voice laughed from behind the camera.

“Are you filming me!?!” Olive asked, pouting her glassy eyes glaring at the camera.

“Yeah Niki wanted to make sure you made it home”

“Niki I’m going to cuddle the shit out of my Baku Baku. and then I���m going to...”

“Ok we are done,” Bakugou said coming into frame, bending down picking her up, throwing her over his shoulder. She giggled looking at the camera mouthing ‘wow so strong’. Then leaning forward she started not so quietly whispering to him

“I’m going to suck your--”

“Bedtime!” Bakugou said, shoving his hand over her mouth making her laugh.

That had been over almost 3 years ago but it felt like yesterday and a lifetime ago.

“Damn your arms are huge,” Olive said, zooming in on the image of Bakugou’s arm holding her. His bicep looking particularly large from the angel he was flexing.

“Hard work,” he smirked, enjoying the praise.

“I can’t believe you picked me up.”

“I can still pick you up,” he stated.

She giggled, shaking her head, “I believe you... Baku Baku.”

“God idiot.” as much as he hated that nickname he couldn’t help but admit it sounded amazing at the moment. Was he really that desperate for some sort of normalcy?

“Oh and this one too!” she giggled pulling up another video. Olive was standing slightly flushed, her arm slung over Momo’s. They were in a bar, colorful lights pulsing with the music blasting above. Mina’s voice came from behind the camera, clearly filming the two other girls.

“What happened?”

“This guy tried to grab Momo’s tits so I told him to take his little dick energy somewhere else and leave my wife alone.”

“Oh are you guys married now?” there was a giggle at the end of Mina’s voice, clearly finding the exchange hilarious. Momo had long ago gotten used to Olive’s very physical way of loving her friends and shrugged under her best friend’s arm.

“Yep, sorry Baku Baku.” Olive said, grinning pulling Momo closer to her playfully.

“Momo?” Olive said pointing to the girl,

“She’s one of my classmates from high school. She’s a pro, number 5 actually. You, her and the girl talking are all really good friends. There is also June that girl there.”

“Oh, where were you there that night?”

“No that was a girl’s night.”

She nodded looking at the video, “Can we go hang out with them? Would that be weird?”

Bakugou didn’t want to tell her that they had all been asking about her for weeks but he… he kind of wanted to keep her all to himself. Like if he held her close enough maybe he could pretend they were fine. And showing his old classmates what had happened was something that may have happened on his watch.

“I don’t know…” he said slowly.

They hadn’t found much on the mysterious America. He seemed to have disappeared into the wind. While Olive didn’t really go anywhere alone and Bakugou hadn’t seen anything out of the ordinary to suspect he was coming back he still felt overly protective.

Maybe the America thing had just been some weird fluke.

But he had this feeling it wasn’t. Deep down it just didn’t feel right.

And no one from her past life had a querk like that.

He looked over at her. She was looking up at him clutching her phone with wide eyes. She looked so cute like that. “Please? I’m in the best city in the world and I feel like all I do is stay in here and read my own stuff.”

“I’m here” he hadn’t meant it to come out as hurt as it did but. It had.

“And you’ll be there too?” it was posed like a question, he wasn’t sure if that was a language mix up, she kept seeming to do that. Some sort of old bad habit. Maybe it had something to do with living in California. They all talked like they were asking questions.

“I can see if some of the old gang is available. But I doubt Momo will be. She is busy.”

“Mina and Kirishima too?” she asked breaking into a smile. He knew she was really only asking for them because they were the only other names she had seen. Mina had reached out even after Bakugou had told her not too. The two girls had gone back and forth a little bit. Mina’s English was ok and Olive’s Japanese getting better.

“I’ll ask. But don’t get your hopes up.”

“OK!” she giggled excitedly and he felt a sense of dread about it. Anxiety building up slightly at the idea.

“I said don’t get excited.”

“Too late Baku Baku!” she jumped up almost tripping over the blanket still wrapped around her. Instinctively he reached for her but pulled away when he saw her right herself.

“Don’t call me that!” it came out harsher than he meant it too. Force of habit. But glancing over at Olive she was already back on her phone looking through old photos of a girl’s life she had lived but didn’t know anything about. Her feet leading her toward the bedroom. Probably already planning her outfit.

He was going to regret this wasn’t he  

Slowly she stopped in the hallway that split the living room from the other rooms in the apartment. Turning to him she looked at him confused.

“Are you coming to bed?”

His heart lurched at the image. Her all wrapped up in her blanket waiting for him. So familiar it made him want to lunge forward pulling her to him. Press her back to the wall while pushing his body against hers. To wrap himself up around her while she looked up at him with that little playful smile.

Instead, he just stood shoving his hands into his pockets as if that would hold him back. “Whatever, needy,” he mumbled, passing her as he walked toward the bedroom. She giggled watching him before bouncing after him. Like always ignoring his jabs as if she found them endearing.

Guess some things don’t change even if everything else does.

- GET TAGGED -

Master List  

Story Tag: @0hmydeku @inumorph @it-jinxed-us @myraticm

[savemefromanepicoftimewasted]

The Savior, and The Broken

Actor!Bucky Barnes X Veteran!Steve Rogers Natasha Romanoff X Reader Except, when James was old enough to finally choose a career, he couldn’t possibly imagine becoming an actor.

a/n:there are mentions of PTSD, depression, heavy drinking, heavy swearing

If you’d asked little James Barnes what he wanted to be when he grew up, he’d throw his arms out and scream that he wanted to be an astronaut.  To be close to the stars and learn all he could about the planets that surrounded us.  If you were to ask when he was older, just now turning thirteen, he’d say a doctor.  He wanted to save lives as much as he could, people were sure it was because of his best friend.  The boy was sick more often than not, forced to stay indoors while other kids played and enjoyed their childhoods.

Except, when James was old enough to finally choose a career, he couldn’t possibly imagine becoming an actor.

His family had uprooted from their small home in Brooklyn, New York to Shelbyville, Indiana.  James didn’t hate it too much, his only regret was having to leave behind his closest friend, unable to protect him anymore.

Everyone had noticed the way James grew into himself, sharp cheekbones, stone colored eyes that captivated everyone, and a smile that could melt even the coldest of hearts.  It was how he’d risen to the top so quickly, taking role after role, receiving more awards than he could handle all at once.  

The fame was more than he could ever expect, gorgeous men, and women hanging off his arm at awards shows.  Movie premieres where fans were screaming his name.

Hell, he had become a household name within a few months of his first film release.

It wasn’t anything to ride home about, based off a book that was written in the early 1960’s, a story that captivated him from the very beginning.  The press release was one of his favorite times, the way the interviewers seemed to stumble over their words.

He wasn’t ignorant to his looks, knew very well how often most people talked to him solely because he caught their eye from afar.  And he’d been a little greedy himself, choosing the best looking person to go home with for the night.

At the end of the day, James seemed content and happy with how his life was going, family well taken care of, a house that was paid off before he could blink, and a career that was steadily rising.

There was just one thing missing, and he couldn’t put his finger on exactly what that could be.

OOO ~~~ James stood inside the kitchen, sipping a glass of whiskey his father had pushed into his hand the moment he arrived.  

They were celebrating Becca graduating from college, she’d gone to school to become a nurse, and had graduated top of her class.  James was very proud of her, hugging her tightly and giving her a few gifts he’d bought.

He knew better than to buy anything overly expensive, she’d refuse and give it back to him within mere seconds.  So he went with simple things instead.  Bath bombs to help relax her after the years of stress she’d dealt with, some scented candles, and a weighted blanket for nights she seemed too strung out to sleep.

“Thanks Bucky, you’re the best.” She wrapped her arms around him, laughing as he squeezed her tighter.

“Only the best for my sis, so you let your husband know who's clearly number one priority.” James snickered, catching Becca’s fists before she could sock him in the arm.

Winnie, and George Barnes were supportive of both their kids, wanting nothing but the best for them.  James had been nervous to get into the acting business, watching the way it could tear even the strongest people apart.  It wasn’t until he’d gotten a manager that things seemed to fall into place.

Sam Wilson was a godsend, and James had no problem admitting that Sam kept him sane most of the time.  He’d set up interviews for him, or appearances on shows that had been emailing him almost hourly some days.

“You happy to be home?” Becca took the glass from his hand, finishing off the last of the whiskey.

“For now, I’m gonna be on Jimmy Fallon later this week, Sam’s been talking with his people to see which day works best.” James shrugged lightly, unsure what to do with the information he was telling her.

Becca had always been fascinated by James after he’d become famous, asking about all the different celebrity friends he had.  And sure, he had plenty of celebrity friends, but he didn’t see them as more than normal people.

“I ran into an old friend by the way, Natasha Romanoff.” James felt his blood run cold.

The woman instilled fear in him from the very moment they had met, mainly the fact that she was a woman you did not fuck over.  Not unless you were willing to risk losing a finger, or your life.  She’d been closer to Steve when they first met, and he’d secretly hoped she kept an eye on him after he moved away.

“How’s she doing?  I haven’t seen her since before we moved.” It wasn’t a lie, James’ life had become too busy for him to even breathe.

“She’s good, married actually.” That surprised James, Natasha seemed like the type of woman who preferred solace, so whoever she’d met had a lot of courage.

“That’s surprising.” Becca raised a brow at her older brother, a smirk pulling up her lips.

He knew better than to take the bait, if he said the wrong thing Becca would relay the message to Nat, and he’d wake up with something disgusting in his house.  Speaking from experience of course.

“I met her, she seems perfect for Nat actually.” Oh, that was another shock to James’ mind.

“So not only is she married, but she married a woman, huh.” James rubbed his chin, beard coarse beneath his fingers.

“Her names Y/N, I think she keeps Nat grounded, which is a blessing in disguise for her.” Becca turned, leaving her brother stunned on the porch.

Maybe he could reach out and get into contact with her, see how life has changed since he moved to the middle of nowhere, and then became known wherever he went.

James stayed late into the night, congratulating Becca one last time before he headed back to his apartment.  Alpine was sleeping peacefully on her little cat bed, stretching almost lazily as James set his keys into the bowl beside his door.

“Hey sweetheart, sorry I kept you waiting all night.” James ran his fingers over her fur, smiling as she butted her head into his hand.

James headed down to his bedroom, stripping down to his boxers and plopping down onto the bed with a long sigh.  His phone dinged, vibrating soon after.

Becca had sent him Natasha’s insta, and twitter.  Well, here’s to hoping she doesn’t rip him apart for disappearing all those years ago.

He opened instagram first, checking to see when her latest post was.  Damn, she hadn’t put up a new photo in almost a month, maybe twitter would be more helpful.

The moment he clicked on her profile, he noticed she’d tweeted not even three minutes prior.  He hit follow, and sent her a direct message letting her know who he was, as if his own twitter wasn’t as obvious.

She followed back, and replied to his message as he was playing with Alpine.

RedHeadAssassin:Holy shit, I thought Becca was joking when she said you were in town, how’s hollywood treating you?

James frowned, why would Becca lie about him being in town?  He didn’t stay in New York very often anymore, it was just easier to stay in LA.

JamesBBarnes:Not too bad, I actually have a late night interview this week, so I have to be in town for the next few weeks. RedHeadAssassin:Ahh gotcha, I’m assuming Becca told you that I’m married lol JamesBBarnes:She did, honestly never thought you’d settle down, you always seemed happy by yourself. RedHeadAssassin:You’d be surprised the people you can meet in the army, maybe you can meet her if you’re not too busy James debated, he had almost every day, except for thursday, friday, and saturday completely open for whatever he wanted to do. JamesBBarnes:If you’re not busy tomorrow, I’m completely free. RedHeadAssassin:I have tomorrow off, so you’re in luck, meet me at Benny’s at noon, night Bucky. James sighed, very few people knew about that nickname, aside from his family, only about four people called him Bucky.  Otherwise, he went by his actual name, even if it seemed so formal for his personal taste.

“Well, guess I’m gonna hang out with Nat tomorrow.” James patted the bed gently, watching as Alpine walked over to where he was, plopping onto her side.

Surely things hadn’t changed too much, he’d only been away for the last fifteen years. OOO ~~~ James stepped into the small diner, keeping the collar of his coat pulled up around his face to keep anyone from noticing who he was. Natasha was sitting in a back corner, a stunning woman sat beside her, arm looped loosely around her waist.  That could only mean one thing, James was going to see an old friend, and her wife after years of not speaking.

“Hey, honestly thought you’d gotten lost.” Nat smirked up at James, watching as he took off his jacket and slid into the booth.

“You try being on almost every billboard outside and not get stopped a million and one times.” James wasn’t complaining though, far from it.

They ordered their food and drinks, talking about what had changed when James moved away.  Natasha, and a few other friends had joined the army, though not everyone had come home safe and sound.

“Is..Is Steve still around?” James hadn’t said his name in years, pushing the memories far into the back of his mind.

“Oh, you don’t know then.” Natasha held her glass tighter, sighing softly.

James felt his throat close, what the hell does that mean?

“He joined the army after his dad kicked him out, and he was the definition of a perfect soldier, but before I continue, you need to promise me you won’t make a scene.” Natasha stared down the other man, waiting until he could verbally respond.

“I promise.” Though James’ voice was a whisper, it seemed good enough for Natasha.

Y/N comforted Natasha while she took a few moments to compose herself, eyes red with unshed tears.

“He was on a recon mission when his Humvee was hit, everyone else died, except for Steve.” Natasha turned away, burying her face into Y/N’s neck.

The other woman comforted her wife, whispering softly, too soft for James to be able to pick up whatever she was saying.

“He was captured, the only reason anyone was able to find him was a tracker they put into his gear.  They had him for over two years, did absolutely unspeakable things, he hadn’t seen sunlight the entire time.  The same man who went into that war, wasn’t the same man who came home.” Natasha took a slow breath, wiping her cheeks until the tears stopped.

Steve had gone through something so traumatic it killed the strongest of men, and James was none the wiser.

“Does anyone know where he is?” James felt hopeful, he absolutely needed to see Steve, needed to see that he was alive for himself.

“No, last I heard he was living on the street, he can’t hold down a job because of his PTSD, and the army hadn’t paid him for his service, and everything that happened.” Natasha was seething, more angry at the way her best friend had been treated, tossed aside once he was back home.

The walls seemed to be closing in on James, shock written clearly over his features, hands shaking atop of the table.

“Jesus, I need to find him Nat, please.” James was desperate, there was no other way to explain it.

“He’s not the same kid you remember Bucky, he’s someone else now, you have to remember that.” Natasha wasn’t going to let James off the hook.

He needed to see Steve for himself, to see the horrors he’d had to go through for years before rescue finally came.  How would he react to seeing James?  Would he be happy to see an old friend?  Or would he tell James to leave him alone, that he didn’t need anyone else by his side?

Sam had called a little after three, letting James know his interview was set up for thursday, the episode would be airing on friday.  He could work with that, it’d give him at least two days to try and find Steve.

Becca had told him it wouldn’t be that easy, not with how many people lived in the city of Brooklyn alone.  It wasn’t going to deter James though, he needed to find the man in question, and get some damn answers.

OOO ~~~ “Jesus, they made a movie about his heroism, but didn’t bother to actually credit him, no wonder he went awol.” James frowned down at his phone.

They’d used Steve’s name, saying how he often put himself in the middle of danger to keep his troops safe.  It sounded exactly like Steve, unable to back down from a fight, no matter how dangerous it was.  But when it came to actually giving Steve the credit he rightfully deserved, they claimed he hadn’t wanted to step forwards.

“They wanted to make money off his name, and his image without paying him for it, people do it all the time Buck.” Sam sounded as if he was frowning, though James didn’t doubt that for a second.

“It’s what they do, need to make money off someone who can’t legally defend himself anymore.  How much did it make in sales?” James was terrified to hear the number, to know how much his best friend had been fucked over.

Sam was quiet for a moment, and James wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad silence.  It wasn’t until it stretched on for a good thirty seconds that he began to panic.

“They didn’t make anything off the movie, according to google it bombed when it hit box offices.” James sighed with relief, who cares if the studio lost out on money, they didn’t deserve it in the first place.

James glanced out the window, taking in the gray skies that seemed to stretch on forever.  His driver was quiet, waiting patiently for the light to turn green.  A man was walking down the street, it looked like he was asking people for any spare change.

A few people gave him a couple of dollars, others ignoring him completely.  It was obvious to James that the man was homeless, from the dirt that seemed to cover every inch of him, to torn jacket he wore to protect from the cold breeze.

James hit the button to roll down his window, ready to hand over whatever bills were in his wallet, the other man could use it a hell of a lot more than he could anyway.

“Here.” James held out the money, ignoring how much was in his hand in favor of hoping he didn’t piss off the other man.

Three things happened in that moment, the gentleman took the money from James’ hand, glanced up, and locked eyes with him.  In that very second James realized who exactly was standing on the sidewalk.

“Steve?” James’ voice was barely a whisper, eyes wide as he took in the other man, or at least what was left of him.

His eyes widened with fear, feet pushing him down the street until he was completely out of James’ sight.  He turned in his seat, telling Paul to pull over so he could get out and try and find where Steve had run off to.

The streets were thriving with people heading on with their day, and it annoyed James, mostly because he was afraid Steve would be long gone.  The only thing he could do was try and search for the jacket he’d been wearing, it wasn’t something he’d seen very often.  He ran until his lungs were screaming for air, forcing James to stop and take a breath.

The alley beside him seemed deserted, bringing James’ spirits down immensely, until the sound of someone coughing caught his attention.  He wasn’t alone, and there was a slim chance that it was even Steve inside the alley.

“Hello?” James stepped in slowly, being careful of his surroundings.

“Shit.” The coughing ceased, if only for a few moments before coming back louder than before.

James was closer than he expected to be, nervously stepping over to the man that seemed to be struggling with the coughing fit.

“You need to leave.” Steve’s shoulders shuddered as he struggled to take in air, body curled in on itself.

“Steve, what happened?” James kept his feet firmly planted on the ground, giving space to the man who needed it.

Steve shook his head, hands shaking as he reached up to pull off the beanie he’d been wearing.  His hair looked unkempt, dirty from the lack of washing.

“I know you probably never want to see me again, but at least let me take you to my apartment so you can shower, and get a decent meal.” James was fighting a losing battle.

He knew well enough that Steve would deny him til the end of time, saying that he was perfectly fine enough to be on his own.  James knew better though, Steve clearly needed someone to keep an eye on him.

“Fine.” Goddamnit, he knew Steve was going to-. “Wait, you’re actually going to come with me?” James felt his head spin, that was a shock he wasn’t expecting to deal with.

“Yes, now let’s go before I change my mind.” Steve pushed himself off the ground, following James to the car that was still waiting for him.

Paul drove them back to James’ apartment, keeping any words or thoughts to himself as he weaved throughout the thick traffic.  Any of James’ clothes would surely fit Steve, especially since it seemed that he’d lost a lot of weight over the years.

He put in a large order of food to be delivered, taking Steve inside so no one else could bother them.

“The bathrooms down on the right, I’ll leave some clothes out for you to change into, food should be here in about an hour.” James nodded, watching as Steve made his way down to the bathroom.

The apartment was silent, save for the sound of the shower running, as James ran around and began to clean up.  He set the clothes on top of the sink, taking Steve’s dirty clothes to be washed.  He knew there was no way he’d be able to convince him to stay, so he could at least send him out in something that was clean and warm.

Steve didn’t emerge from the bathroom for nearly forty five minutes, a cloud of steam following as he opened the door.  James had been right, the clothes fit Steve almost perfectly, even a little baggy as he watched the other man tie the waist tighter to prevent his pants from falling.

How could this happen to someone so strong?  Willing to risk their life for the people around them just to protect them.  James could see the shadows beneath his eyes, the way his cheeks looked almost hollow.

Before James could make any comment, the food had arrived.  He quickly signed and took the bags from the kids hand, making sure to tip him generously.  He was feeding someone that needed food more than usual, so he may have gone overboard.

Steve piled food onto his plate, making sure to eat slowly so he didn’t make himself sick and lose the urge to eat altogether.  James kept his eyes down on his plate as he ate, making sure Steve didn’t feel pressured to talk about anything that was going on.

“I got an honorable discharge after I was found, they tried to act like that was good enough for what happened to me.” Steve angrily stabbed a piece of broccoli, shoving it into his mouth.

“Jesus, you were basically on your own, and that’s the best they could do?” James could see a faint scar hidden underneath the t-shirt he had on.

He wanted to show the world how much Steve had gone through, that he deserved better than what he was dealt, but he knew Steve would only hate him for it.  He’d do anything he could to keep Steve safe, even if it meant letting him go again.

“I want you to stay here, please.” James didn’t lift his eyes from his plate, knowing Steve would deny him.

“Why?” Steve set down his fork, staring down the man across from him.

He was hoping Steve hadn’t asked him that question just yet, he hadn’t formally come up with a game plan.

“Steve, it’s getting colder outside, you look like you’re one cold away from death.” James frowned, setting down his own fork.

Steve’s gaze darkened, fury plain as day on his face.  James needed to stop talking before he really pissed him off.

“I’ve done just fine on my own for the last five years, I don’t need your pity.” Despite his anger towards James, Steve polished off his plate of food, taking the takeout container and eating what was left in there as well.

James kept his mouth shut, afraid he’d do more damage by saying what was on his mind than not.  What would he do when he had to work though?  Sam would be apprehensive to leave Steve completely alone, it made sense.  James didn’t trust many people in his apartment alone, let alone someone he hadn’t seen for years.

Maybe he could talk with Natasha, see if she could find somewhere for him to stay until James could get back.

James:Hey, I ran into Steve, is there any way you could find somewhere for him to stay?  I’m leaving for London next week, and I really don’t want him to be on the street. Nat:Buck, you can’t seriously be asking me that right now, I have enough to worry about as it is, and the last time I saw Steve he told me to rot in hell.

James:Please Nat, you know I wouldn’t ask for anything else, I just need to know that he’s safe. Nat:I’m sorry, I can’t.

James gave up after Natasha ignored the next three texts he sent, it was a lost cause, and now there was nothing he could do except try to convince Steve to stay.

The man had already dealt with enough, and James wasn’t helping comfort him in the moment.

OOO ~~~ James sat patiently, waiting for his cue to head out onto the stage.  Steve was still inside James’ apartment, promising he wouldn’t leave until James had to leave for London.  That of course didn’t make the other man feel any better, made him feel worse in fact.

“You all know our next guest, from starring in We Have Always Lived in the Castle, to starring in his latest film Destroyer, please welcome James Barnes!” Jimmy’s voice echoed over the stage, the crowd cheering excitedly.

James made his way out, waving to the crowd before heading over to where Jimmy stood, along with the first guest that had gone on before him.  He couldn’t remember her name off the top of his head, though that was due to the underlying fear that Steve had left while he was gone.

“Thank you for coming on the show.” Jimmy sat down, leaning against his desk to be closer to where James had sat down.

“Thank you for having me, it’s been a little while since I’ve gotten to be on the show.” James smirked lacing his fingers together to keep them from shaking.

The interview went by smoothly, leaving James a little more relaxed than he had been before he went out to the show.  The other guest, whose name he’d finally remembered was Sharon, made small talk as he waited for Sam to show up.

“I thought you played a very convincing asshole, and yet you’re such a nice person in real life.” Sharon blushed softly, turning away to hide behind her hair.

“Thanks, I got the script and thought it sounded really interesting, I couldn’t help but take it.” James slid his hands into his pockets, fighting the urge to call and see if Steve was home.

Sam showed up soon after, letting James know that the car was there to take him home.  He bid Sharon a good night, and headed on his way out.  There were paparazzi outside, something James had come to expect everywhere he went.

The fear was building in his chest, the closer they got to his apartment, the more dread began to cloud his mind.  It was obvious that Steve had left, just because he’d promised James he’d stay, didn’t mean he was being forced to.

Sam went inside first, checking to see if anything was missing when they arrived.  Everything was right where it was supposed to be, except for Steve.  A note sat on the kitchen table, letting James know that while Steve knew they were once friends, he couldn’t stand by and become a leech on his friend.

Bucky, I’m sorry I couldn’t be here when you came home.  I just can’t bear the thought of taking advantage of you, please don’t come looking for me. Steve James felt his throat tighten, tears slipping down his cheeks slowly as he read the short note over, and over again.  This wasn’t his real life, he was still dreaming and this was all just a nightmare.  Sam had cleared the area, letting James know that Steve was truly gone.  

“You know you need to let him live his life, right?” Sam stepped over, placing a gentle hand onto James’ shoulder.

“I haven’t seen the man since I was basically a kid, Sam, I can’t lose him again.” James sighed softly, running a hand through his hair.

“I know that, but you have to understand things from his perspective, Steve’s known this life for a lot longer than you may realize.  Leave him alone.” Sam didn’t wait for James to answer, turning away and heading to the kitchen.

James couldn’t do that though, he was determined to figure out where he’d gone wrong in the past, to find out what had happened to someone he’d called a best friend for so long.

“I swear to god, if you go out there when he asked to be left alone, I’ll put on twitter that you sleep with a Cap bear.” James whipped around, staring the other man down.

“Sam, you need to understand where I’m coming from.” James was desperate at this rate.

“Bucky, the man was in the military, there’s underlying issues beyond something that even you could begin to help him deal with, leave it alone.” Sam sighed, picking up his phone to check through emails.

Could he handle letting go of something from his past?  6 Months Later James stared down at his hands, nervously shaking as he took slow, deliberate breaths to prevent himself from truly freaking out.  All he had to do was head out onto the stage, talk about the nominees for a minute, and announce who’d won.  So, why the fuck was James freaking out as if he was asked to murder the president?

Because Natasha had gotten in contact with him mere hours before the show, letting him know that Steve was in the hospital.  He’d nearly gotten himself killed, starting a fight when he was too sick, and too weak to truly defend himself.  Steve was back in New York, too far for James to be able to do anything .

The awards show went by smoothly, James, fortunate for his own sake, managed to keep his calm while on stage.  If he was secretly booking a flight to New York the moment he was able to leave, no one else needed to know that.  No one needed to know that James was planning on doing something reckless.

Sam wasn’t even aware of what he’d had planned, oblivious to the fact that his friend was going to fly out within an hour after the show ended.  James turned down every offer to go to the after parties, claiming he’d had important work to attend to, that couldn’t wait. 

It wasn’t an entire lie though.

The flight seemed to drag on for hours, James’ nerves on edge as they slowly began to ascend from the air.  What could he possibly say to him?  To truly explain how he was back in New York so soon?  He’d hoped that Natasha would meet him at the hospital, take him to where Steve was being held so he didn’t have to face him alone.

With a begrudging sigh, James took his suitcase and headed down to the hospital where Steve was being held.  He could faintly see Natasha and Y/N when the cab finally pulled up, Nat’s arms wrapped tight around her wife’s waist.

“I’m sorry, traffic was a nightmare, and the flight almost got delayed.” James set down his suitcase, unbuttoning his jacket with a soft sigh.

“You were in LA, I can’t exactly get pissed off at you for that.” Nat turned, pulling Y/N with her gently as she headed back inside.

James grabbed his things, following close behind.  The nurse behind the station seemed calm, and yet unnerved at the same time.  How often did she see people like Steve be brought in?

“This is a free clinic, so there hasn’t been much they’re able to do for him, he’s being kept in one of the actual rooms so that he doesn’t hurt anyone else.” James was baffled, Steve never tried to fight anyone unless he saw them as a bully.

Natasha stepped into the room first, gently holding Y/N’s arms before leading her inside as well.  The sight that greeted them was one that James would remember for the rest of his life.

Steve was bloody, and bruised, he looked thinner than the last time James had seen him as well, the skin that wasn’t beaten bloody was ghostly pale.  Had he gotten into drugs?  Gone off the deep end and unable to pull himself back from the edge? 

“They said someone heard him in an alley, he was calling out your name.” That struck James, Steve had been calling out for him?  And when he needed him most he couldn’t be there?

“Is he going to be alright?” James dropped his things by the door, stepping over to Steve’s bedside.

Nat didn’t say anything, watching as James took Steve’s hand gently between both of his own.  It was clear how weak Steve had become.  The tube shoved down his throat nearly made James gag, horrified of what had happened.

“He needed all of us to be there for him, and no one bothered to listen for his cries for help.” Nat wiped her tears, watching the only man she’d ever truly called a best friend wither away in a hospital bed.

“If I had known, I’d have done everything I could to help him, but when we moved he and I lost contact.  I couldn’t even remember his fucking address.” James laughed bitterly, tears sliding down his cheeks.

Steve had always been stubborn, refusing to ask for help even when he so desperately needed it, and right now, staring down at the blonde, James felt no different.

“What have the doctors said?” James glanced over at Nat, still holding tightly to Steve’s limp hand.

“They don’t think he’ll pull through, his body has been put through too much stress, and he couldn’t handle it any longer.” Natasha sighed, running a hand through her hair.

“I’m transferring him to a hospital near my house, pay for the best doctors to take care of him.” James wasn’t going to back down without a fight, he needed to make right for his wrongs.

OOO ~~~ James watched as Steve slowly walked down the aisle, hands gripping onto the metal bars with all the strength he could manage.  He hadn’t shaved since he’d woken up, the beard covering his face was a little shocking to James at first, until he grew to like it.  Things between them had become...complicated over time.  James wasn’t sure he could help Steve if he was insistent on being alone.  Had he convinced the blonde to stay until he could survive on his own?  Perhaps.  

“You’ve made amazing progress so far Mr. Rogers.” The physical therapist that was helping him seemed almost too young.  Were they sure he was qualified to do this job?

Steve barely managed a smile, hands tightening on the poles as he reached the very end, plopping back down into the chair they’d placed for him there.  James knew not to walk over, to comfort his friend that was doing his best to get back on his own feet.  Steve didn’t try and hide his disdain for James, never using the nickname he’d given him when they were kids.  

“Since next week is Christmas, we’re going to have to reschedule and wait until the eighth of January.” Darcy, the receptionist who always greeted Steve kindly, handed him the card that held the new date.

God, how had James forgotten that Christmas was in a week?  Aside from pushing away offers for roles while he helped Steve, he just didn’t pay attention to the days.  He’d already sent his family their gifts, along with his manager, and assistant.  God bless that woman, if it wasn’t for her, he was sure his head wouldn’t be screwed on right.

That left one final person for James to buy for, and he wasn’t entirely sure Steve would be welcoming of a gift at all.  The blonde had nearly torn James apart the moment they’d arrived in his home.  He knew deep down that he deserved the hate, to listen to the spiteful words that Steve spewed every second.  James wouldn’t retaliate though, even when Sam had reemed into him as well.

“So, what did you want to do for Christmas?” James was hopeful that Steve would be willing to spend it with his family, but that didn’t seem likely at all.

Steve grunted under his breath, rubbing at his legs that seemed more bruised than usual.  What was he getting himself into when James wasn’t around?

“I’d personally like to be left alone, but according to my doctor and therapist I’m not allowed to have that, so I guess whatever the hell you want to do.” Steve crossed his arms over his chest, clearly angry with the situation at hand.

James opened his mouth, thinking of something to say back without upsetting the other man, unfortunately, nothing came to mind.  It was a lose, lose situation.  Steve was going to hate him either way, no matter what he did.  Hell, he refused to call James by his nickname since they’d run into one another.  Then again, Natasha had been acting almost the same way.

“I was going to visit my family, y’know my parents, sisters and their kids.  We can stay home if you want.” James was approaching apprehensively.

Steve snorted, the sound bitter and angry coming from the other man.

“Real good job James, taking a war vet to a house that’s going to be full of screaming kids, real fucking smart.” Steve stood up roughly, gripping the back of the couch hard enough to white out his knuckles.

James knew not to run over and help, Steve would only end up screaming at him to be left alone.  He’d offered to help one time, and Steve had hit him hard enough to leave a bruise that stayed for nearly two weeks.  Even with malnutrition, and a weak frame, Steve could still throw a severe punch.

James watched him head down to the bedroom, door slamming behind him as the air seemed to thicken with tension.  He’d call Sam, ask him what he should do, he always had all the answers.

~~~ “I’m sorry, you’re doing what?” Sam’s voice echoed loudly through the receiver.

“Sam, his doctor said he can’t be left alone in the apartment, and I already promised my parents I’d come home for Christmas, if I tell them why I’m canceling they’ll fly themselves out here just to see him.  I can’t do that to him Sam.” James sighed, running a hand through his hair.

James didn’t want to cancel on his family, but he also didn’t want to piss Steve off anymore than he’d already had.  Then again, Natasha would personally see to his death if he tried to leave Steve alone for almost two weeks.

“Buck, the man’s been through enough shit to kill anyone three times over, don’t force him to go out.” James knew that Sam was right, forcing him to socialize would only cause more harm than good.

Which is exactly what James did.  He called his parents to let them know he wouldn’t be coming, that something important had come up and he’d been unable to discuss for the moment.  Steve didn’t leave his room for the rest of the day, it was noon on Christmas day before he saw the blonde, bags beneath his eyes as he clutched a cup of coffee as if it were his lifeline.

James didn’t bother to say anything, choosing instead to give Steve the much needed space he deserved.  He’d practically uprooted the other man, forcing him into a place he’d never been in before just so James’ mind would be clear.  It was selfish, and despicable.

“When’s my next therapy appointment?” Steve wasn’t looking at James, instead his gaze was focused solely on the fireplace.

“It’s this Friday, I can have them move if you want.” James never accompanied him to the appointments, knowing fair well it would drive Steve farther away.

“Please.” Steve muttered, finishing off the coffee that was left in his mug.

James didn’t say anything, reaching for his phone to email the therapist, he knew she wouldn’t  get back to him right away, but they had a few days before his appointment anyway.  He could only hope that Pepper wouldn’t get upset he couldn’t wait until tomorrow.  

He’d met Pepper through Tony, who’d originally been his manager before he met Sam.  James recommended anyone to see Pepper as a therapist, the woman was a goddamn miracle worker.  Which was why he sent Steve there as well, he needed to know that the other man would be alright.  James had seen the damage that was already done, he refused to be another reason for his best friends demise.  

Wait, they weren’t best friends, they were barely even associates at this rate.  Steve only lived in James’ house because he had nowhere else to go.  He was doing him a favor, giving him a reason to get better.

“I’m gonna go lay down for a little while.” Steve pushed himself up slowly, grabbing onto the cane that rested against the arm of the couch.

James knew better than to rush over to help Steve when he’d refused his help in the past.  He hated being doted on, claiming it made others see him as weak.  He waited until the other man made it to his room before getting off the couch.  Maybe he could go down to the grocery and get some things while Steve took a nap, it didn’t seem like a bad idea.

James wrote a note letting Steve know where he was in case the other man happened to wake up.  He usually didn’t, especially if he’d planned on napping during the daytime.

With a soft sigh, James pulled on his shoes and coat, heading down to the store closest to his apartment.  The store wasn’t normally open on Christmas, but it was under new management, and according to other shoppers they didn’t celebrate the holiday.  Thankfully neither did anyone that was working on that day either.  James would’ve hated to make anyone wait on him because he needed to help out a friend.

He went up and down each aisle, debating between the cheetos or bag of doritos for an unhealthy snack.  A pack of oreos went into the cart next, followed by some more coffee since he was beginning to run low.  Heading up to the front to pay, James placed his items onto the belt, paying when the cashier told him the total.  

He was more than ready to get back to the apartment and pig out for a little while, maybe Steve would join him for a few minutes, munch on the chips before heading off once more.

“James?” A deep voice caught his attention, had his little disguise not hidden him well enough? James turned to face the voice, ready to pose for a selfie before his heart caught in his throat.  Brock Rumlow was standing on the street beside him, clothes perfectly pressed, hair styled to look effortlessly messy, the stubble on his cheeks looked as if he hadn’t shaved in almost a week.  What the hell was he doing in New York?

“Hey, long time no see.” James tried to keep his voice even, he couldn’t let Brock know how he felt anymore.

“Yeah, I thought you were visiting your parents?  It is Christmas after all.” The smirk that spread over his lips unnerved James, how the hell did he remember that?

“I was going to, but some things came up so I had to cancel my trip.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the entire truth either.

Brock nodded slowly, as if he was taking in James’ words slowly, soaking them in for future use.

“Well that’s too bad, you should’ve let me know, could’ve hung out like old times.” Brock was still smirking, god why had James found that attractive?

“I wouldn’t have had the time, sorry.  I need to get back anyway.” He needed an out, a way to get away without letting Brock know why he was leaving so suddenly.

“If you’re not too busy tomorrow, give me a call.” Brock wrapped an arm around James’ waist, pressing their lips flush together for a moment.

James reached his hands up, pressing his palms against Brock’s chest to push him away.  And he did exactly that.

“Brock, we’re not together anymore, and I don’t want to see you anymore, leave me alone.” James hoisted the bags higher up on his arms, turning away and practically sprinting back to his apartment.

The streets has been surprisingly empty, so while it was easy for him to get back home without anyone catching him, it made him feel uneasy.  What if someone had seen Brock kiss him?  It’d be all over the internet before he could possibly stop it.

Steve was still asleep, and James thanked his lucky stars that he didn’t need to explain to the other man why he was panting so harshly, and why he looked like a crazed animal.  Instead of worrying about his impending doom anymore, James put the groceries away.  It could help keep his mind at ease, no one witnessed the one sided kiss, things would be fine.

Until they weren’t.

James woke up to his phone ringing the next morning.  Sam was calling, which was bad in and of itself.  

“Hello?” James kept his voice quiet, glancing at the clock on the wall.  It was barely passed six in the morning, which meant Steve was still in bed.

“Have you been online at all?” Sam didn’t give his brain even a second to process.

“Because there’s a picture of you and Rumlow macking it on a street corner, what the fuck Bucky!” James pulled the phone away from his ear, wincing slightly.

He had been wrong, and someone managed to get a picture of Brock kissing him.

“He saw me walking back from the store and kissed me, I swear I didn’t kiss him back Sam, you know how much I despise the man.” James didn’t bother to hide his disdain for the other man whenever he’d been interviewed, and it affected him negatively.

He was unable to land a role for nearly six months before things suddenly changed and Brock was seen as the bad guy.  It wasn’t a lie, Brock was possessive, and it lead to their breakup after only a few months.

James turned the phone on speaker, opening up Twitter to see what was being said about him.  And right front and center was a picture of him and Brock, and not a low quality camera picture either, this was paparazzi.  Had he planned this to try and ruin James’ career?  To make people think he was actually lying about what happened?

“I need to say something about this, he’s spreading lies!” James was furious, for not only himself, but for Sam.  He was dumping this onto the other man’s plate when he should’ve been worrying about it himself.

“Trust me, I know you wouldn’t willingly kiss him Buck, but we can’t go into this headfirst.” Sam sighed softly.

James knew what he was about to do was highly risky, but he needed to set the record straight before anymore lies could be spread on his behalf.

He hung up on Sam, opening up instagram and starting a live video.  No one was going to hear a single word from anyone, but him.

“Hey everyone, I know it’s pretty early to be doing one of these.” James chuckled softly, running a hand over his face.

He wasn’t even wearing a shirt, having forgone wearing one when he’d gone to bed the night before.  It wasn’t his fault that the apartment was too warm to wear properly clothing all the time, he was doing it for Steve.

“So unless you live under a rock, you saw a picture of Brock Rumlow and I kissing, I just want to set the record straight and let everyone know that the kiss was completely one sided.  I had gone out to the grocery store to get a few things and on my way home Brock stopped me, he asked some questions that I won’t be discussing right now, and grabbed my waist and kissed me.” James sighed, lacing his fingers together in his lap.

“After he kissed me I pushed him away, told him I didn’t want to see him anymore and left immediately.” James wasn’t stupid, he knew that Brock would put out his own video of what happened, telling everyone that James had tried to kiss him first.

He opened his mouth to go more in depth, to tell his fans to ignore what they read online, that whatever Brock said was going to be a lie.  Until the door to his room opened, revealing a sleepy looking Steve.  He’d been hoping that Steve would sleep through the entire Instagram live.  Guess that wasn’t going to happen.

“What’s going on?” Steve looked exhausted, eyes rimmed red from what was either lack of sleep, or he’d been crying.

“Oh, I’m just making a video talking about some stuff, did I wake you?” James knew he was walking on thin ice, that Steve could snap at any moment.

“No, I woke up a little over an hour ago.” Steve crossed his arms over his chest, the hoodie James had bought him seemed to stretch over his shoulders.

Was James staring?  Or was he trying to figure out what was different about Steve?

“Oh, I can make coffee if you’d like?” James knew the viewers were currently flooding in, comments streaming faster than he could read them. “No, that’s alright.” Steve’s shoulders were raised ever so slightly, turning away and leaving the room without another word.

Shit, he’d been avoiding letting the world know exactly why he was taking a step back from the spotlight.  Now everyone knew the truth, and James was going to have to explain himself before shit got out of hand.

“Sorry about that guys, a good friend of mine has been staying at my house, so I’ve been a little more focused on that for now.” His laugh sounded weak, even to his own ears. “What I wanted to say though, was don’t listen to anything you hear, or read any of the lies they’re gonna put online, me and Brock are done, and I will never take him back.” James sighed, running a hand over his face and saying his goodbyes to the live before clicking end.  Would he risk his hide and leave it on his story for everyone else to see?  Or would James end up deleting it like the chicken he was?  He ended up leaving it up, consequences be damned.

His heart was jack hammering in his chest, nerves suddenly on edge as his phone flooded with text messages, Sam’s face popping back up once again.  He sighed, answering.

“Sam I’m-” “You’re lucky I’m not in New York or else I’d wring your neck right now.” Sam sounded angrier than he’d ever heard before. 

“Sam, I thought he was still asleep, and I wasn’t going to let Brock get the upper hand!” James was furious, how could he blame him for what happened?

Sam sighed, the sound exasperated as James struggled to reel in his emotions.  Things were beginning to fall apart.

“He’s starting to look healthier at least.” Sam didn’t sound as upset, though there was still a lingering anger in his words.

James knew that Steve had begun to eat more, less afraid that he was going to put James out for eating more than a banana in the morning.  That of course didn’t mean the other man was willing to forgive everything, he was still afraid he’d be removed from the house.

“He’s been dealing with nightmares, but Pepper told me not to try and wake him when it happens.” James sighed, this was becoming harder for him to truly deal with.

“She’s right, he could become violent and end up hurting you, or himself.” Sam had a point, and he couldn’t risk pushing Steve away anymore.

James had made accommodations for Steve to be completely comfortable, afraid that if he did something wrong he’d set the other man off.

“I gotta go, he’s probably been sulking in the living room and I need to get some food into him.” Sam bid him farewell, telling him to be careful.

James wasn’t ignorant, he knew that Steve had gone through some horrific things in the past, but it didn’t change who he was deep down.

Without anything to keep him distracted any longer, James pushed himself up and left his bedroom, feet carrying him down to the kitchen.  Unfortunately, he wasn’t expecting to see Steve in the kitchen, hoodie discarded on a chair.  That wasn’t what stopped him in his tracks.  No.  It was the scars that littered his body, some light, barely visible in the morning sun, others deep and angry, nearly red.

How had he managed to keep this hidden?  Were they from his life living on the streets?  Or something else entirely.

“My unit was captured during my third deployment.” Steve’s voice startled him, though James would deny that for the rest of his days.

“What happened?” James whispered the words, afraid if he spoke any louder he’d scare the other man off for good.

Steve smiled sadly, eyes turning glassy as he turned to face James.  It was the first time he’d realized that he’d finally seen Steve completely shirtless.  If he thought the scars on Steve’s back were horrific, the ones on his front were worse.  

“We were transporting someone, can’t really remember his name anymore but he was someone famous, well the humvee in front of us hit an IED, ended up crashing into a ditch on the side of the road.  We were told to protect the guy no matter what, so that’s exactly what I did.” Steve chuckled, the sound breathless and choked.

“Got surrounded by the enemy, tortured me for any kind of information.  Whenever they got what they needed, they’d kill us.  Unfortunately I couldn’t give them any information because I didn’t have any.” Steve’s gaze turned cold and calculating, it sent shivers down James’ spine.

“So I did what I was trained to do, I killed the guard that was keeping me and my mission captive, snuck out in the middle of the night with open wounds, and no shoes.  We ended up walking for nearly six miles before someone found us, apparently they’d put out a search for him.  I suffered for over two fucking years, and yet he was the only one they were worried about.” Steve’s shoulders were shaking with anger.

James’ hands were shaking, heart racing as he stared over at Steve, trying to soak in the information Steve had thrown at him.  He was left for dead, and no one gave a fuck about the man!  As if his life was worthless!

“Wait, you said you’d been in captivity for two years, correct?” That seemed to be too much of a coincidence, especially considering James had just finished working with Tony before he went missing.

“Yeah, at least that’s what they said when I was in the hospital.” Steve shrugged, eyes glancing down to the mug he’d set onto the counter.

James couldn’t ever tell Steve that Tony was the man he’d been escorting, especially not when Tony was over there to try and help bring them home for the holidays.  He’d end up hating James more than he already did.

“It was Tony, Peppers wife, that you were escorting over there.” James looked up slowly, waiting for the screaming that Steve was bound to do.

He stood stock still, staring the other man down as he soaked in his words, jaw clenching as he glared at James.

“You’re lucky I can’t kill you where you stand.” Steve turned and left the kitchen, the sight of his scarred skin still haunting James’ mind.

He knew that information wasn’t something easily shared, but what if Steve had run into Tony during one of his appointments?  How would’ve he reacted to seeing the other man?  Would he have tried to kill him?  

So James did what he felt best.  He left.

Of course he left a note letting Steve know that he wasn’t going to be at the apartment for a few days, and that he was more than welcome to stay while he was gone.  Was it a stupid move on his part?  Absolutely, but he couldn’t sit by and wait for the day Steve refused to stay and left permanently.

Besides, he was only leaving for a few days at most, he’d be back before Steve could truly notice.

~~~ OOO 2 Weeks Later James stared down at his phone.  He’d turned it off the moment he arrived at the remote apartment, the one not even Sam knew about.  He had gotten it right after his last movie, wanting to get away from the press.  He turned it on with a quiet sigh, waiting for the bombardment of texts, emails, and voicemails he’d surely have.

Surely enough his voice buzzed for nearly two minutes straight before quieting back down.  He leaned down, picking up the sleek device to see who’d gotten in contact.  There were at least two hundred texts from Sam alone, nearly that many from Natasha, and about thirty from an unknown number.  Maybe it was Nat’s wife, Y/N, trying to figure out where he’d gone to.

This wasn’t going to be easy to handle, especially when he was about to get torn in two, in more ways than one.

Sam:Dude, what the fuck is going on?  Why did Steve just call and say you left????? Sam:I swear to god Barnes, I’ll track your ass down and drag you back by the scruff of your neck. Sam:You better fucking answer me!  The rest were Sam threatening him, telling him that he’d gotten in contact with Natasha, and even called his parents to see where he was. Nat:James Buchanan Barnes you ungrateful bastard!  Nat:You’re lucky I don’t know where you are right now, or else I’d wring your fucking neck Nat:Do you even care about everyone around you? Nat:Or this is some sick joke that helps you sleep at night? Nat:God, no wonder Steve didn’t get into contact back when we were kids. James felt that in his soul, was he truly the reason Steve hadn’t bothered to write?  

Steve:Where the hell did you go??? Sam said he can’t get a hold of you either. Steve:James, c’mon everyone’s getting worried. Steve:Will you please answer your phone???? Steve:Look, I’m sorry for what I said, I was just angry and upset. Steve:Bucky, please.

That stopped James in his tracks.  Steve hadn’t called James, Bucky, since they were young, and stupid kids.  There was no possible way he wanted James around, not when he was the reason for causing all of the issues between them.

He knew he couldn’t hide any longer though, packing away the things he’d taken out of the bag and heading down to his car.  The streets were oddly quiet, as if no one had bothered to leave their homes for the day.  It wouldn’t be like this when he got back home though.

And so he did what any sane person in his situation would do.  Show up at his home unannounced.  

“Hello?” James set his bag down, toeing off his shoes before stepping further inside.

Nothing was out of place, and the entryway smelled oddly of lemon cleaner, was this what Steve had been doing for two weeks?

“Bout time you got back.” Fuck, that was definitely Sam.

James knew better than to apologize, to make up the excuse of why he fled so suddenly without  another word.

“I told Steve that Tony was the reason he was captured, and tortured for nearly two years, I didn’t want to push him any farther than I already had.” James stood his ground, shoulders pushed back as he stared at the other man.

Sam stared back at James, slack jawed as he took in what James had just said.  This wasn’t something petty he’d run off about, this was a matter of Steve’s life in his hands.

“Where is he now?  I didn’t expect him to be here when I got home.” James stared down the other man, waiting for him to tell him what he so desperately needed.

Sam stared back, both men waiting for the other to break and give the news.

“He’s out getting groceries with Nat right now, said you guys were running low and he didn’t like leaving the house too empty.” That...was not the answer that James had been expecting to hear.

“Wait, you’re telling me he didn’t pack up and leave?” James had half expected Steve to bolt the moment he felt freedom.

“No, but he asked Nat, and I to drive him to his appointments because his usual person suddenly disappeared.” James winced, it was the truth and he needed to understand that.

The front door swung open, the sound of Natasha, and Steve’s laughter filling the house, the sound of bags crinkling followed quickly.

“It’s not my fault you’re so damn tall, just watch your head next time.” Nat stepped into the kitchen first, smile slipping off her face faster than James could blink.

“You had ample opportunity to warn me that the ceiling was low, so it’s technically...your fault.” Steve gripped the bags in his hands tighter, jaw clenched as he stared James down.

The air began to thicken with tension, James Barnes, academy award winner, famous movie star, Steve Rogers, war veteran, hero.

“I blamed myself for what happened with Tony, it’s why I left Steve.” James knew better than to lie, to keep secrets from someone he’d considered a best friend all those years ago.

“That doesn’t make any sense, you had no idea I was the one escorting him.” This was about to get messy.

“Yes, yes I did Steve.  Tony told me about the man who’d basically saved his life, and when I heard that it was you, I did everything I could to find you.  Imagine my surprise when I find out from your dad that he disowned you back before you went into the army.  Your mom misses the hell out of you by the way, I didn’t want to overwhelm you during your recovery but she wants to see you.” James took a deep breath, waiting for the screaming to begin.

“I shouldn’t of had to find out that you were gay because of your dad, but even then it doesn’t matter to me.  What he did was beyond horrible, hell I nearly drove to Tony’s house to kill him when you said you’d been tortured.  God, Steve you deserved better than what they gave you.  What goods a medal when you’re struggling with severe PTSD?” James laughed bitterly, wiping at the tears that were streaking down his cheeks.

No one said a word, watching as James stalked around the island in the kitchen and headed down to his room, leaving everyone behind.

There wasn’t a reason for James’ outburst, the way he’d snapped on everyone was childish and reckless.  James had lived a posh life, never having to worry about anything in his life, meanwhile Steve was tortured daily for nearly a year.  The man struggled to do basic activities without something triggering his PTSD.  God, James was such a child.

“Bucky?” A knock sounded at the door, Steve’s voice muffled by the thick wood.

James turned around, unlocking the door.  Steve stepped inside slowly, hands twisting together as he glanced up at James.

“I didn’t want you to leave that day, but I knew that we needed some space, it’s why I went down to my room.  And maybe I do struggle to deal with my PTSD everyday, but I started seeing the therapist you told me about because I figured she could help.” Steve stepped closer, leaving only a few feet between them.

“Even though I was beyond angry when you found me Buck, my lifes been a lot better since.  I’ve gained weight, I have a warm place to sleep.  Hell, I can go to the grocery store without worrying if I’ll be able to afford food.” James felt confused, why was Steve thanking him?

“I don’t understand.” James mumbled, arms loosely hanging by his side.

“If it weren’t for you finding me, I’d be dead by now.” Steve said it, with so much nonchalance that it truly bothered James.

Steve had to possibly walk with a cane for the rest of his life, but that was better than dying a bitter death during the winter.  Maybe Steve was doing better by being here.

“I thought that staying angry was what seemed best, but it’s only made things worse between us, and I’m sorry.” James shook his head, he should be the one apologizing.

“You have nothing to be sorry for Steve, I’m the one who basically forced you into my home.” Steve laughed, head thrown back as the sound echoed inside the room.

James was a little confused, what was so funny about what he said?

“Bucky, I could’ve left any time I wanted, I chose to stay because I needed to.” Oh, that wasn’t what he was expecting.

Things would eventually get better between them, only time would tell.

~~~ OOO 2 Years Later James waited patiently for the nominees names to be mentioned, hand clasped tightly around Steve’s.  He looked downright stunning in his tux, the deep maroon complimented his eyes perfectly.  James, or Bucky as almost everyone around him had begun calling him, wore a simple black tux, though his pocket square matched Steve’s tux.

“And the winner for best actor goes to, James Barnes!” Bucky stood, smiling happily as he leaned down to press a kiss to Steve’s lips.

He wasn’t entirely sure when their relationship had changed from enemies, to friends, and finally to lovers.  Bucky wasn’t about to complain about that, of course not.

He stepped onto the stage, taking the award from Sharon who was clapping along with everyone else, though he watched her gaze travel along his body.

“Thank you everyone, I do want to say what an honor it is to win this award.  I chose the role not just because it felt so powerful, but also because of someone else.  As most of you may know, my husband was in the army for nearly ten years, and during his last tour he was captured by the enemy.  Instead of letting it consume him, Steve came out someone stronger, a better man than I could ever call myself.” Bucky laughed softly, wiping at the tears that had begun to slide down his cheeks.

“There are men and women everyday who don’t get the help they need, who suffer in silence because no one will listen to their cries.  So myself, and everyone who worked on this film will be donating all the money made from the film to help our veterans.  If you’d like to do your part, you know where to look.” Bucky lifted the award once more, signaling his speech was over.

The crowd stood immediately, the sound of clapping and cheering nearly deafening him as he stepped off the stage and back to Steve.  Of course Steve looked downright shocked.

“Babe, are you seriously donating that much money?” Steve knew how much the movie had been able to pull in, and it was nothing to laugh at.

“I am, they deserve to get the help they desperately need, you’re one of the lucky people who got that help.” Bucky pulled Steve into a tight hug, arms squeezing his waist as he pressed a kiss to his lips.

Maybe Bucky was being a little reckless with millions of dollars, but it was something that could save the lives of millions of other people.  And Bucky was going to do his part by helping out.

And Steve would be right by his side the whole way.

[cowboyshit]

La Princesse (Part Two)

I ahhh! here’s part two! I thought it would only be two parts, but I think it’s going to eventually go into a third part. no smut happens yet (sorry!), but I did decide to make jungle boy the foc’s best friend and might have hinted at a potential oc love interest for him IF I ever get the courage up to write a fic for him askjfkdfllsj hopefully I didn’t butcher any of the characters too much here!!!

Previously: part one

Ship: Chris Jericho x Sarah Rose (plus-sized FOC)

Summary: It’s been one week since Chris Jericho singled Sarah out at an AEW company party and asked if she’d let him be her sugar daddy.  One week.  That was all the time he gave her to make up her mind.  The more days pass, the more Sarah realizes she kind of really wants to say yes.. and when she does, she gets a small taste of just what Chris Jericho has in mind for her...

Rating: Mature (sexual talk / sugar daddy/sugar baby stuff)

Warnings: sugar daddy kink stuff, mainly dirty talk

Length: 4,991 words

Available below the cut

“Are you kidding me?!”  Her voice echoed around the empty, one-room studio apartment, yelled in irritated agony from her cramped adjacent bathroom.  “That’s the second time this month the hot water has gone out,” she muttered as she stumbled out of her bathroom with a large towel wrapped and secured around her, searching for where she’d set her phone.  Her large calico cat stretched and mewed softly from where it’d been lounging on the bed.  When she glanced over, she noticed her phone was lying by the cat’s side.

“Thanks Vixen,” she said, as if her cat had told her where her phone was and reached to grab it before dialing her landlord.

The phone rang.  And rang.  And rang.

No answer.

Suppressing a frustrated sigh, she kept her voice as level and calm as possible when the answering machine clicked over.  “Hi Blake, it’s Ashley.  The hot water is out again.  I’ll be leaving out of town today, back Thursday evening, so if we could get someone to come look at it before I get home, that’d be fantastic.  Thank you!” Ending the call, she groaned in irritation and sighed through her nose to settle her frayed nerves.  Getting upset about it wasn’t going to solve her problems and she had places to be.  Ice cold shower it was.

It’d been six days since Chris Jericho had cornered her at the company party and propositioned her to be her sugar daddy.  Every day since, when she came face-to-face with areas of her life that were less-than-ideal and would be easily fixed with money, his deal sounded better and better.  When she browsed social media and inevitably came across a post about him, she’d pause and eventually catch herself staring at him for a little too long.  All in all, the closer Wednesday drew, the more she began to realize she was considering accepting his offer.

She assumed he was only going to have her as his arm candy behind-the-scenes and couldn’t see him wanting to parade her out every time he had a show.  She’d been a bigger sized girl her entire life, bullied in school, bullied at home, and shunned from social events just because she wasn’t the “ideal size” by society’s skewed, incorrect standards.  Sure, the world was changing, growing, a body positive movement was on the rise, but there were still leaps and bounds to make.  She’d only just begun to respect her body herself and still stumbled from time to time, catching old, hurtful thoughts returning, but she supposed it was all a learning process.  All that aside, this was Chris Jericho.  He wouldn’t want a fat girl on his arm as a sign of status, right?  This would probably just be a fun, private thing.

Her heart sunk a little bit and she took a breath to steel herself against the disappointment.  Shaking her head, she glanced at herself in the bathroom mirror and rolled her eyes.

“You’re letting old insecurities get the best of you,” she reminded herself.  Besides, the point wasn’t whether or not he wanted to show her off. The point was that Chris Jericho confessed not only that he’d been watching her behind the scenes and not only that he thought she was beautiful, but that he wanted her.  He wanted to shower her in gifts his wealth and status could bring.  He wanted to spoil her.  All he asked in return was her dutiful obedience and her returned affections.  Which wasn’t a downside in the slightest, considering she was attracted to him.

She looked around her small studio apartment and met the green-yellow eyes of her cat, who softly meowed at her.  “We wouldn’t be heartbroken to leave this place behind, would we baby?” She asked as she moved to scoop her kitty up into her arms and scratched her affectionately behind the ears and under her chin.  “I’ll be back Thursday night,” she pressed a sweet kiss on her forehead, “you be good for the sitter.”

Goodbyes given, dressed and showered, she gathered her small carry-on and caught a rideshare to the airport.  Having to fly practically every week got her used to the hassle quickly, making most airports less intimidating than they’d originally seemed. Plus, since her best friend lived nearby, she often got lucky enough to fly to the shows along with him.

“Sarah! Hey!” Right on cue, a soft, warm male voice beckoned, raising just loud enough for her to catch it above the background chatter of the airport terminal.

“Jack!” She grinned as she caught sight of the slender, fit young athlete with the luscious, long tumble of soft, curly hair.  Jungle Boy Jack Perry was a few years younger than she was and the two had become surprisingly quick friends.  Surprising on Sarah’s part because she hadn’t expected to consider herself friends with any of the talent on the roster.  Jungle Boy was humble though, and down to earth.  Sweet, and caring.  She appreciated his friendship more than ever as well as his advice whenever she was faced with a problem in her life.

She hadn’t told him about Jericho’s offer yet… she didn’t think he’d be so interested in the idea as she was.  Not that she and Jungle Boy were anything romantic – they’d probably both laugh at anyone who suggested it – but because he didn’t trust Chris Jericho as far as he could throw him, and he wouldn’t want Sarah getting mixed up with the likes of the Inner Circle.

“Always love it when we get the same flight,” he said after a quick hug, then raised an eyebrow pointedly at the ticket in her hand. “I’ll like it even better if you tell me you’re sitting with me.”

Sarah looked at her ticket and read her seat number aloud.

A grin lit up Jungle Boy’s gentle, youthful face.  “Perfect! I’m next to you and Marko’s next to me. We’ve got the row.  Come on, we’re waiting over here.”

Jungle Boy reached with his long arms, fingers scooping the handle of her carry on and tugging it out of her grasp before she could say a word.  He led her toward the waiting area in front of the gate which was still only half-crowded and sure to gain numbers the closer that loading time came.  Marko glanced up from his phone as they neared, his voluminous mane of curly hair barely contained by the baseball cap he wore backwards on his head. His grin picked up bright, showing all his teeth, and Sarah found it infectious as always, smiling back.

“Sarah!  It’s been forever!”

“It’s only been a week, Marko,” she said with a laugh as she lowered to the seat beside him.

“Oh yeah!” He laughed and went back to typing on his phone.

Immediately, naturally, Sarah cheated her body toward Jungle Boy as he turned toward her.  They started talking, mostly about their day since they texted or talked on the phone or met up and hung out occasionally throughout the week.  When she’d first started in AEW as backstage personnel she’d felt completely out of her element and sure someone was going to point a finger in her face and tell her she didn’t belong, but Jungle Boy never did that.  When she confessed to him that she had pipe dreams about being a wrestler, he’d been encouraging.

And still was.  She hadn’t taken the jump yet to try and pursue that avenue, even though she was lucky to have so many chances at her fingertips.  Jungle Boy didn’t press, but he constantly reminded her of how important it was to follow your dreams, no matter what.

They were called for boarding and as they shuffled through the loading ramp to the airplane, Marko elbowed Jungle Boy in the ribs and jerked his head toward her.  Sarah caught it out of the corner of her eye, but it was clear she wasn’t supposed to.  They were exchanging looks, communicating without talking, Jungle Boy frowning and shaking his head as he motioned for Marko to stop, and Marko nodding encouragingly and lifting his brows higher.

“Uh, guys?  What sort of super-secret meeting are you two having?”

Jungle Boy jumped a little in place at having been caught and a sheepish expression crossed his sweet face as he looked at her and then down at the ground, readjusting his grip on the handle of his rolling carry-on.  Marko, on the other hand, didn’t look too upset at having been caught. His blue eyes jumped between them, back and forth and back and forth, and he raised an elbow and jabbed Jungle Boy again.

“Someone’s got to talk, otherwise this is going to be a long plane ride,” she said as they shifted closer to loading.

“Let’s talk after,” Jungle Boy suggested, his deep voice ever calm, but when Sarah met his eyes she saw something that gave her pause. Worry twisted in her belly. Jungle Boy said nothing, but reached between them and gently wrapped his long, artful fingers around hers. He gave a comforting squeeze and separated their hands.

The flight was only a couple hours, but Sarah spent the entirety of it wondering what on earth Jungle Boy wanted to say to her. And why did Marko know? Was Jungle Boy… into her beyond their friendship?  Never in a million years would she have the thought that he could want their relationship to be romantic, and nearly laughed the thought off. But you never thought Chris Jericho would look twice at you, did you?  Sarah frowned and pretended to be interested in the in-flight film, but she hadn’t been able to pay attention to it the entire time and still couldn’t, too caught up in the thoughts running through her mind.

She hoped that wasn’t it. It wasn’t any fault of his, he was handsome and sweet and charming… but he wasn’t her type.

They shared a ride to the hotel and had just checked in when Marko noticed a fellow roster-member loitering in the lobby. “Sammy!” He shouted, grin spreading with imp-like delight over his face as he ducked through the crowd, quick, and went for the phone Sammy Guevara was using to record his YouTube vlog with.  Sammy shouted as Marko snatched it out of his hands, and the shenanigans were on. The two sped off into the crowd, chasing one another, and Sarah grinned and shook her head. Boys.  

After realizing their rooms were near one another’s, Sarah and Jungle Boy started for the elevators. He still hadn’t started talking and she was too nervous about it to prompt him.  The tension between them on the elevator was thick enough to cut with a knife.  They’d never been like this before… Sarah was worried. Maybe she should be the one to start, to rip the band aid off and just get it all out in the open.  The doors opened, and they stepped calmly out into the hallway, beginning to walk toward their rooms. Hers came up first and they came to a stop.  Sarah drew in a heavy breath and turned toward Jungle Boy.

“Why were you with Jericho?” He said it softly, but it was loud enough. Sarah stared, still open-mouthed, and slowly closed her lips.  Jungle Boy’s brows dipped, and his eyes lifted to her face. He looked… concerned. Not angry. Not jealous.  Worried.

“When?” She said like an idiot, her brain still scrambling through the fact that Jungle Boy had seen her with Jericho when he proposed the idea she be his sugar baby.  How much had he seen?  Had he seen Jericho tilt the glass and gently pour expensive champagne past her lips?  Had he seen Jericho pull her in close as he leaned forward and leave a sweet, lingering kiss against them?

“At the party. Last week.”  He said it calmly, but with a rising edge to his tone. Don’t play dumb and innocent with me, Sarah Rose. I know you too well.

“Oh...I…” her face was getting hot. Damnit! She was always so susceptible to blushing, and remembering that intimate, shared moment with Jericho struck energy in her veins and made her heartbeat quicken.

“Look, Sarah…” Jungle Boy started, one hand on his luggage, the other pinching the slender dip of his hip, “I care about you, okay? I’m not going to sit here and tell you who to talk to and who not to talk to, but Jericho…” he trailed off for a minute in thought and shook his head, brow pinching in as his dark, worried eyes returned to hers.  “I just don’t think he’s a good person. I don’t think he’d really care about you.”  Her initial worry about not telling him for that very reason (that he mistrusted Jericho) had been right.  He and Jericho had their own slowly-brewing rivalry, after all.

Still, his concern touched her. Would it be different if he knew the truth? 

“Jack…” she glanced around and knew they might run into another familiar face or be overheard. “Come on,” she jerked her chin toward her hotel door and pulled the keycard free, swiping and unlocking it.  They walked in and she set her bag by the bed before lowering to sit on its edge. Jungle Boy leaned on the entertainment center in front of her, arms crossed over his slim but muscular chest.

“Chris Jericho isn’t going to be my boyfriend.”

He looked a little relieved but could read her and knew by her tone and expression that there was more coming.

“He… look, this is probably going to sound crazy, okay, but… hear me out.  He asked me if he could be my sugar daddy.”

Jungle Boy’s brows shot up, wrinkling his forehead, and then fell and pinched hard inward. 

“I know, I know. I couldn’t believe it either.  I mean,” she frowned and glanced down her front, seeing her belly protruding with how she sat.  “I’m not exactly sugar baby material for Chris freaking Jericho, you know?” She laughed, intending it to come across as a joke. A natural defense mechanism. Make the joke about yourself before someone can make it about you. She still hadn’t quite outgrown that gut reaction, even in Jungle Boy’s presence, who constantly chided her any time she said anything negative about herself. Even now, amid this new revelation, her self-deprecating comment had a stern frown from him thrown briefly her way.

“I haven’t given him an answer yet.” She said.

“And when you do? What are you going to say?”

She hesitated, gently pinching her bottom lip between her teeth as she thought. But it wasn’t her answer she was thinking so hard about. She was worried what Jungle Boy was going to say and how he was going to look at her if she told the truth.

“I think…” she forced herself to meet his eyes. “I think I might say yes?  I know it’s crazy, but I could really use the financial help, and… you know me well enough by now to know I like my men to be older. I dunno… it might be fun to just live a little, and I’ve never really been anyone’s first choice, romantically, especially not someone as in the celebrity spotlight as him.  It makes me feel…” she was bright red, but forced the word out, “sexy. It’s not like we’re going to fall in love or anything serious. It just makes me feel good that I have a multimillionaire who wants to spoil me and give me pretty things and have some fun with.  I’ve never had anything like that before, you know?”

Sarah trailed off, quiet, and swore she could hear the heavy beats of her heart as she waited for what he was going to say.  He sighed a long, low breath and reached up, pushing his long, thick curls out of his face.

“I get it… kind of. I mean, I don’t, but I’m… trying to.”  He looked at her and she saw the confliction written clear as day across her face.  “Just… promise me if it starts to go sour or he isn’t treating you fair, you aren’t going to keep it from me? Just… be safe, Rose. That’s all I’m saying.”  She could tell he didn’t like it, not one bit, but what could she expect? He already told her he didn’t like Jericho, so she couldn’t think he’d suddenly get over it and cheer for her. But… it meant something that his only worry remained for her. That he wasn’t going to tell her what to do or what not to do, even if he didn’t like it himself. He just wanted her to be safe.

Sarah smiled, standing from the bed and walking over to him. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her cheek against his chest.  He sighed the tension from his body after a lingering second, then reached with his long arms to gently wrap around her and hold her against him.

“I’ll be safe.” She promised and felt a little giddy.  Saying it all out loud somehow made it more real. Like it wasn’t some fantasy in her mind. It was concrete. Factual. Tomorrow she’d be one-on-one with Chris Jericho, telling him she wanted to be his sugar baby and he, her sugar daddy.

“Alright,” he said, his chest rumbling gently with that smooth, low voice of his.  His arms squeezed a little harder for a second, then released their tension.  They stepped apart but remained close.  “And if he ever hurts you, Sarah, or tries to make you do something you don’t want to…” something crept in the underbelly of his voice – the hero’s tone – and he pulled her back, so his eyes could squarely meet hers, “you’re not going to keep it from me.  Me, Luchasaurus, and Marko… we’ll always have your back.”

Sarah doubted a man who was ready to spoil her was going to cause her harm, but she reminded herself Jungle Boy saw someone far different than she did when he looked at the likes of Chris Jericho.  The fact that he wasn’t making her feel bad for considering going for it and only making sure that she knew she had an out if things went sideways was what was most important.  So, Sarah held her tongue and didn’t argue or try and point out that Jericho could be different than what he thought he knew.  She smiled and reached for his hand, giving it a little squeeze.

“Thank you, Jack.  I don’t know what I used to do without you.”

His grin pushed higher into one side of his cheek than the other. 

 “Hey, by the way,” she kept her tone lofty as she released his hand and turned to start unpacking her suitcase, “I heard Valentina was going to be at the show tonight.”

There was a small stumble behind her, and Sarah bit down on her smile to keep it from spreading as she glanced over at him.  He tried to play cool, but she had always had a feeling he liked the little spit-fire independent wrestler.  Valentina hadn’t been signed to the AEW roster yet, but word was tonight was her try-out with the audience.  She’d have a match that’d air on Dark next week and they’d see how receptive everyone was to her.  Sarah had a feeling she was going to have an AEW contract in front of her before long… and it’d be fun to tease Jungle Boy about how bashful and tongue-tied he got around her.  

“Just thought you’d like to know.”  Sarah said with obviously feigned innocence in her voice and grinned over at Jungle Boy, who frowned and tried his very best to pretend he wasn’t personally interested.

“Oh, uh, that’s good for her…” His voice trailed, and he frowned and nodded. “I’m sure she’ll do well.”  He was doing his best, but Sarah was struggling to fight the smile from spreading across her face, clearly seeing how affected he was by just a mention of her. Sarah couldn’t believe she’d actually been afraid his feelings had gone romantic for her.

“Yeah,” she agreed, calming her grin as best she could. “Good for her.”

*****

“There you are.”

Everything inside her body seized and twisted tight.  Butterflies in her stomach.  The voice had come from behind her, and she’d been bent, reaching to fix where the cords had been taped to the ground.  A glance over her shoulder at him as she stood showed Jericho with his head tilted, eyes peering over his sunglasses as he appreciated her large ass bent toward him.  On the shoulder of his flashy, sequined suit jacket he held the beautiful AEW World Champion belt. For a second her eyes were stuck on it and the way it glittered like stars, even under the unflattering fluorescent lights hanging overhead.

Then she looked at him.  She’d turned to face him and felt entirely underdressed for the moment in her company t-shirt, a pair of worn jeans, and tennis shoes.  Her dark hair was tied back in a ponytail, and she hadn’t bothered wearing make-up. Sometimes she needed to run around backstage or jump in and help move something heavy, and she could work up a sweat.  Her job didn’t require her to look glamorous, though she’d thought about it that night, knowing Jericho would be coming to her before the show.

Damnit… she should have put some on.  What if he changed his mind?

In contrast to her, Jericho was ready for the spotlight as ever.  His long blond and peppered white hair was tied neatly back, not a strand out of place.  He must’ve shaved before coming to the convention center, because his face was smooth, without even a hint of a five o’clock shadow.  He had on a sequined black suit jacket, no shirt underneath, and it gave a peek of his aged, but sturdy, strong chest underneath.  Sarah swallowed her nerves down and met his eyes as he slowly pulled the sunglasses off his face.

Jericho leaned in and, gripping her gently on the elbow, turned her this way and that so he could lay a sweet, fondly lingering kiss to either side of her cheeks.  Sarah could feel how warm her cheeks had gotten when he moved back and saw the way his grin deepened as he noticed it too.  She was blushing beneath his stare, her heart beating quickly beneath his all-knowing stare.  He knew how much he affected her, and he seemed to like it.

“Did you consider my offer, baby girl?”  He reached lazily and brushed a strand of her hair back over her shoulder.  His eyes met hers.

This was it.  Sarah was going to tell Chris Jericho she wanted to be his sugar baby.

“Yes,” she squeaked and cleared her throat, floundering shyly beneath his steady, amused stare.

“And?”  His pupils jumped, studying her.  Was he… actually nervous she’d say no?  Was Chris Jericho worried that she wouldn’t want him?

“I… want to.”  She whispered it, couldn’t say it too loud, but she managed to push the words out somehow.

A smile spread over his face as he pushed his sunglasses up into his hair.  It was that same celebratory grin he wore whenever the world was turning in his favor; when thousands upon thousands of people chanted the phrases he spoke.  “Ohhh princess,” he chuckled breathy in a lower tone, licking his lips and letting his eyes drop purposely slow down every round curve of her body.  He leaned in, careful not to bump her into the world championship belt, and lowered his mouth softly against hers.  Sarah found herself naturally pressing up on her toes so she could deepen their kiss, pursing her lips.  Jericho pushed his tongue along hers and groaned as he did.  The sound of it rumbling in his throat tightened the muscles in her lower abdomen and made her shift her weight, pressing and squishing the fat of her thighs together.

“Heh,” he pulled away slowly and stared down at her.  His fingers slipped up and down the back of her arm, raising goosebumps where he touched.  As if unable to keep himself from her, Jericho leaned in again, one hand steadying the belt and keeping it on his shoulder as he pressed his nose into her hair and littered quick, soft teasing kisses warmly on the sensitive skin of her neck.  He spoke low, whispering promises as his free hand pinched into the fat over her hip.  “Mmm baby… daddy can’t wait to spoil you… I’m going to buy you the world.”

“God…” she whimpered, eyes wanting to roll.  Her fingers bent at her sides, desperate to touch him, to grab him and pull her hard against her.  She refrained, but just barely.  This was pornographic perfection and they hadn’t even done anything yet. It had to be some sort of dream or something, because real life couldn’t be like this.

“You can just call me daddy, princess.  No need to call me a god.”  He said as he pulled away from her, mouth spread in that trademark conceited grin of his.  It was the one that said he knew exactly what a shit he was being.  It was the one that said he knew he could get away with being a shit because he was who he was.  “Now,” he said, straightening and shifting the weight of the belt more comfortable on his shoulder.  He wore the strap with such comfortability, like an extension of his arm.  A piece of himself.  “We need to get you to wardrobe and make-up.  Come on.”

Jericho turned, hand settling on her arm, fingers gently pinching her arm.  He guided her alongside him and didn’t break stride, even when her confusion caused her to stumble a bit.

“Wait- Wardrobe?  Make-up?  Why?”

“Baby,” Jericho tilted his head and glanced down at her, sunglasses still pushed up into his hair so his blue eyes could be hers. “You’ve got new status now and daddy wants to make sure the whole world knows it.  You can’t come out with me and the Inner Circle in your company clothes.”

“C-come out with you?  Like… on live… television?”

“Princess,” he laughed gently, not mocking, “if you really don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to.  You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do - hey-” he reached out and stopped her in the hallway, turning to face her. “I need you to understand sweetheart… anything that makes you uncomfortable, you need to tell me, okay? I want to show you off, but if you don’t like that, you don’t have to.”

Sarah barely felt like she could breathe for a minute, touched by the concern written sincere across his face.  She hadn’t… expected that. But then again, he was so good to those who were closest to him, should she be so surprised?  She was, essentially, a part of Jericho’s Inner Circle now, and she saw how much he touted the greatness he saw in every member of his faction.

“I… want to.”  She decided, nodding and looking up at him, nervous but excited smile pushing into her soft, round cheeks.

He lit up with what appeared to be genuine happiness, and Sarah’s heart lifted.  She had a feeling being his sugar baby wasn’t going to be hard at all, because she genuinely enjoyed doing things that made him happy.  She liked to think of herself as the one person Chris Jericho wanted enough and cared for enough that it’d keep his eyes and make him want to spend what he earned on her.  Only the best for a man like Chris Jericho, and he wanted her.

“Then come on princess, let’s get a taste of all the ways daddy is going to spoil you.”  He said, playfully slipping his fingers down the large curve of her ass and pinching into the ample fat there.  She squeaked in surprise and jumped a little, making him laugh and smacked his palm against it.  The clap bounced around the narrow cement walls of the hallway as he rubbed his hand gently over where it’d stung.  His fingers curled and squeezed into the fat and then released, finally pulling away.

“Daddy’s going to have so much fun with you,” he said with a chuckle, “I’m having trouble keeping my hands off you”

She ducked her head, cheeks warming again, and laughed.  Her dazed gaze reached his handsome profile. “I can’t wait until you don’t have to keep them off me, daddy.” She managed to say it, though it took a second longer than a natural flow to a conversation.  He didn’t seem to mind the hesitation, eyes jerking to her face and smile twitching over his lips. To hear her call him daddy seemed to have an instant effect, a damn near magnetized pull. 

“This is going to be the longest show of my whole damn career, isn’t it?” He asked as they neared the doorway with the printed paper sign slipped in a clear plastic sheet protector that read: WARDROBE.  He reached for the door handle and ran his eyes shamelessly again up and down her curved figure.  “All I’m going to be thinking about tonight is all the ways I’m going to get you to say, ‘thank you daddy’ afterwards and how many times I’m going to get you to say it.”

She couldn’t find sense to respond - she was breathless, dizzy, mind running wild with all the dirty thoughts he must have in mind and how badly she wanted him - he winked and pushed the door handle open, holding it for her before he nodded for her to step inside.  “Come on princess, let’s get you ready. Daddy wants to show his sugar baby off to the whole damn world.”

[ego-driven-one-wing-angel]

All Ya’ll Suck - Be Nosey Q&A

THIS IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED. But a promise is a promise lmao~ So here’s all 50

What’s your sexual orientation?

Demisexual 

What are you obsessed with right now?

Final Fantasy and my cats. 😭

Ever done any drugs?

I’ve been offered but no.

What piercings do you want?

I want my triple Helix done so bad. 

How many people have you kissed?

A BIG FAT 0

Describe your dream home.

I’ve always been in love with tiny homes. So I would LOVE to have something similar to an Eco pod in Scotland. With a hot tub, a giant forest background, small enough for me and my cats and maybe my S/O.  It’s almost like a studio apartment but just shoved in the forest and I would enjoy it 100%.

Who are you jealous of?

Probably anyone in a healthy, committed relationship? I’m not much to be envious of others, but when I see couples that are just perfect for another, it makes my heart sink a little because I want that.

What’s your favorite show to binge?

Supernatural, House MD or Criminal Minds. 

Do you watch porn?

I’ll admit, I’ve seen some hentai. BUT I SWEAR IT WAS FOR THE DAMN PLOT.  I also read this Yaoi NSFW manga a few years back, and honestly, I should have guessed it was NSFW because it was wrapped in plastic so you couldn’t look inside. I bought the first two novels, and honestly, they love story in it is probably one of my favorites. 😂

Do you have a secret sideblog?

I DO. It’s a House MD blog.

If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

Hmm. I have no idea. Scotland for their eco pods? But also I want to go to New Zealand so bad.

What’s one of your fantasies?

Becoming a multi-millionaire writer with a PhD in Forensic Psychology. And having one of my books turned into a tv show or movie and flipping the bird to everyone in high school and middle school who thought I couldn’t make it. 

Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced?

Ouch. No. I don’t have them pierced but I don’t think I ever could. I give props to those that went through with it because anytime I think about a needle coming for my nipple I kind of want to pass out. 

How would you spend a million dollars?

Buy an ECO POD. That’s it. Maybe a couple of Louis Vuitton handbags to match my other ones, but that’s it. I’ll probably give the rest to my mom and she could buy herself the beach house she’s been wanting the past three years.

Are you in a relationship?

Nope.

Do you follow porn blogs?

No. Sorta. Well, kind of? This particular blog doesn’t post straight porn, but it does add a few aesthetic NSFW photos and gifs occasionally. Like more Witchcraft and Dark aesthetics.

Are you angry with anyone right now?

Myself. And maybe my math teacher. I just took a math test and it was timed so I only had an hour and a half to take it. I didn’t get to answer like 4 questions and it brought my math grade down 🙃

What tattoos do you want?

Oh man, I want a lot lmao:

I want a small, american traditional cat just below my ankle.

A watercolor fox on my thigh

A pair of angel wings across my back

A star wars lightsaber on my finger

A watercolor Captain America shield on my hip

I want Cloud’s buster sword and Sephiroth’s masamune down both sides of my thighs

And a little bee or paw prints behind my ear

If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to?

Probably Katherine. That name has been my pseudonym for years. So it’s almost like a second name already.

What is something you’re obsessed with?

Pens. I’m one of those people that have a million pens and markers. I blame the art side of me, but I just like the idea of new office supplies.

Describe your best friend.

Rambunctious, ambitious, always knows how to make others smile. Halo-obsessed, classic Capricorn, and absolutely LOVES chicken nuggets.

Tag someone you think is hot.

@/SebastianStan

Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

Gorrilaz

Queen

Billie Eilish 

Melanie Martinez

St. Vincent

What are three places you want to travel?

Scotland

New Zealand

Brazil

Describe your perfect Friday night.

Drinking my Dad’s Mexican hot chocolate, playing video games, and sitting with my cat all sounds pretty good to me.

What’s your favorite season?

WINTER 

What’s your pet peeve?

I have this thing where my ears like die when people scrape their fingernails on walls. OR Styrofoam rubbing against cardboard. GROSS. 

Who is the funniest person you know?

Me. Or my mom. We both have the same sense of humor. 

What’s the most overrated movie?

Fight Club. I watched it and was just flabbergasted on how much traction this movie has? It’s okay but not cult classic type of hype.

Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

@ALL OF MY FOLLOWERS

Do you like paper books or ebooks better?

Paper books. I own a kindle and it’s just not the same. I have over 1,200 paper backs and hardcover copies of books. I can open my own library at this point. And I have four boxes of books that sit in the corner because I ran out of bookshelf spaces.

If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick?

Probably Final Fantasy 7 or Ridley Scott’s Legend. 

If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like?

Probably full of Calvin Klein sweaters. I already have about thirty but they’re the comfiest and softest sweaters I own.

What’s your coffee order?

I like a classic caramel frap with two shots of espresso. 

Do you have a crush on anyone?

Sephiroth. But in real life? No.

Do you still have feelings for any of your exes?

I’ve never had an ex lmao.

Have any tattoos?

NO BUT I WANT SO MANY

Do you drink?

I’m a social drinker, so I only have wine or mixed drinks when it’s a party. I don’t like drinking by myself.

Are you a virgin?

Yes.

Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals?

Not really. But I don’t know much about any of you 😭

How many followers do you have?

I just got a whopping 126. But this account is new so getting that much in about three-four weeks is pretty good to me!

Describe the hottest person you know.

Like someone I know personally? Because that’s what I’m going for:

Skin like olive, baby blue eyes, white teeth accompanied by a set of dimples. Dark, curly hair that fits past his ears. Perfect skin, perfect smile. He’s a good friend of mine and we all call him hottie because he makes the girl’s swoon. 

What’s your guilty pleasure?

Watching Nanny Shows on youtube. I don’t want children nor do I like children, but watching these shows is like crack. I can’t stop watching them once I start.

Do you read erotica?

I write it. So take a guess. 

(yes.)

What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

I’ve been on very little dates as is, but there was a story I never told anyone because it’s disgusting and embarrassing. But this guy whispered in my ear he wanted to wear my underwear and I deleted his number the moment I went home. I try not to kin-shame, but on a first date? Super weird.

How many people do you follow?

I’m not sure, like 78 I think now? 

If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick?

Sebastian Stan. I love him so much.

Describe your ideal partner.

Probably just as much as a nerd as I am, sweet, compassionate, likes to stay in and play video games during the weekend. I’m not picky.

Who do you text the most?

My best friend.

What’s your favorite kind of weather?

Rainy or snowy!

Oh I DID IT! ALL 50.