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#this ramble was way longer than I meant it to be
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Hmm. Gonna ramble a bit here because I have thoughts but don't know what to do with them. It's long so I'm putting it under the cut.
So I've been in a bit of a writing block and what usually gets me out of that is pinpointing a thing that I'm like 'whoa I want to do that too' and then working on it, and what's gotten me this time is character voice. Reading back though the (shamefully small) amount of writing I already have, I think I do fairly well with character voice in dialogue, but in the bulk of the writing it's kind of just me and how I would describe things. I think that's okay for the first draft and I'm going to keep kind of writing like that until I go back for a second draft, but I don't want to just not think about how I'm gonna do that yet.
Since Biting the Bullet is narrated from Arsioly's point of view, I need to make some decisions I've kind of been shying away from?
When I first made his character, one major thing about him was that he was a sociopath. Part of his story was that he kind of used an excuse of 'we're at war, we can't afford to hesitate,' etc etc to cover up his violent and uncaring tendencies. It's fine at first but there are a few situations where he accidentally reveals to other characters that he's not just doing this because he has to, but because he wants to, and he enjoys having an outlet for his anger. This is brought to his attention and he's defensive at first but his boyfriend talks some sense into him and blah blah he fixes him.
But now that I'm trying to decide if he's still going to be a sociopath, I'm kind of realizing a few things that I didn't consider before.
The first is that I feel like making him natually lack empathy will be too easy. I want this book to challenge some of the ways people, especially soldiers, are taught to think about killing and war, and if he already lacks empathy it might not be as impactful and definitely not as relatable. Because as much as I dislike war and the military and stuff it's not like everyone who fights for the military is a bad person, or at least I don't believe so. I think it's really hard to blame someone for doing bad things if they've been taught those things are good. I want to have Arsioly be an example of just a normal person, not some amazing guy that would never do anything wrong but just an average guy, who learns to stop viewing his enemies as people but instead as targets.
So there's that and also, I don't want Visralion to have to fix him. I mean, that's just a given, having people need to 'fix' their partners and be their moral compass and drag them kicking and screaming into the light just isn't my favorite thing and it won't have the emotional impact I'm looking for. Of course, Visralion will be there to support and talk to him still, but I'm going to make him less 'Arsioly's bitch' and really just be very independent. I feel like whenever I see a 'asshole guy x emotional guy' dynamic the more sensitive guy is really clingy and dependent and stuff and I really just don't want to have that. He's gonna be really in tune with his own emotions and I think the lack of power Arsioly has over him is going to be really good for both of them as characters. I'm honestly debating adding an extra plot thing where Arsioly makes the initial move on Visralion and gets rejected because Visra doesn't believe he sees him as an equal because of his more feminine nature and Arsi goes 'ouch my masculinity' and has to reevaluate his views on femininity. I'm even thinking that maybe they shouldn't officially get together until after they save Estera and that whole situation is what makes it really click for him how awful it is that imperialist men think they have absolute power over women.
Another thing I'm a little worried about is how, if I go that route, I might have to cut out the little plot thread that involves Arsioly being scared of intimacy because he's worried about his own nature and doesn't want to hurt Visralion by accident but if I make him more emotionally volatile and make overcorrecting things a thing he's constantly doing then it could work probably.
Or I could have the whole scard of intimacy thing happen after the Nyaschau situation-
No I'm gonna stop myself there oh no god no
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lazylittledragon · 6 months
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what do you mean youre technically a detransitioner cause of terf bullshit?
it's a v long story but i detransitioned for a couple of years when i was 16/17, for multiple reasons but mostly because i fell into the blaire white/kalvin garrah chamber of "you have to be This way to be trans otherwise you're not real".
i was already Deeply insecure about myself and my 'passing' and i was led to believe that i couldn't want to wear makeup or skirts, and i couldn't choose not to have bottom surgery, and i couldn't do anything but bind for 12+ hours a day to the point that my ribcage is still misshapen. basically i thought that if i wasn't suffering enough doing 'feminine' things, i couldn't really be trans, so i should just go back to being a girl and suck it up.
the terf bullshit is because i'd seen a lot of terfs/detransitioners talking about the 'dangers' of testosterone and how it would turn me into a horrible ugly evil monster and how there was nothing worse than wanting to be a man. which combined with 'you need to fully medically transition to be valid at all' creates some very dangerous and upsetting feelings to cope with.
it also came from trying really hard to put myself in a little box before i realised that my sexuality/gender are very fluid and it's FINE for me not to have a label and just do whatever i want. when i was 19 or so i went back to using they/them (and eventually he/him) and changed my name again because even though i like doing 'feminine' things, i don't want to be seen as a woman.
tldr: i was conditioned by transphobic/terf rhetorics to think that i was being trans the 'wrong' way so i couldn't be trans at all, so i believed i must actually be a girl if i still wanted to do 'feminine' things. nowadays i am a transmasc who does feminine things because i don't give two shits about what any transmed prick thinks of me anymore.
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141trash · 8 months
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rating: sfw (brief mentions of sex, but no graphic anything)
Captain John Price x Reader
AN: Somehow this ended up with very little actual Price in it, but I have plans and he will be more prominent. I just have word vomit rn and needed to get everything down
imagine having a one time fling with Price after your husband leaves you for another one because you just can't seem to get pregnant and he wants a family.
It was a good romp, he was a bit gruff, but was super sweet afterwards with the aftercare. he even stayed to buy you breakfast the next morning. Months later you've been focused on yourself, getting your life together and learning what it means to move on.
Only you've been feeling rather ill the last couple days. And then you remember you're late. Which isn't entirely unusual, sometimes you miss a period when you're stressed and the last couple months finding your feet have been stressful. Still you go to the doctors and its there you remember your night with Price, definitely can't remember if he used a condom or not, and you know you hadn't been on birth control since previously you'd been trying for a baby.
Oops you're pregnant.
The timeline fits that it's his and not your now ex-husband's and part of you is instantly hugely relieved about that.
You leave the doctor's office in a bit of a daze. It doesn't sink in until you're stumbling your way into the cafe you own/manage and you promptly dissolve into a fit of tears in the backroom, much to your teeny bopper part timer's utter horror.
Pregnant. You're fucking pregnant. You're elated, over the moon because you had always wanted kids. (yeah adoption's a thing, but in some places its really hard to adopt if you're single and you weren't ready for another relationship after the last trainwreck). You're also fucking terrified because holy shit you have no plan. Nothing is ready. You live in a tiny flat in the city with one bedroom because why would you need more than that?
Your friend appears in the back room as your mind is going a million miles a minute, turns out your part timer had panicked and called her. You breakdown again in her arms and tell her the news. She reminds you that you're not alone even though you're not in a relationship and that you will have all the support that you need.
With her help you start to prepare for the baby. Things move quickly, you're so busy getting things ready, searching for a larger flat, buying things, filling your head with every single bit of parenting knowledge you can get your head on. All your regular customers say that you're glowing, they've never seen you happier.
You've recorded every little thing since finding out you were pregnant. kept print outs of every scan. More than once you find yourself staring out the window, guiltily wondering about whether or not Price would have wanted to know. Not that you have any way of contacting him. You knew he was military, from the dog tags he'd had hanging around his neck, but not much more.
The first time you feel the baby kicking is when you're in the middle of a shift. Its the slow time of day so you're cleaning up the tables when you gasp suddenly. The girl behind the counter is by your side in an instant, babbling questions making sure you're okay. She's sweet and like your friend has been beside you since you found out.
"I'm fine Cally. The baby kicked." you announce, beaming brightly. She squeals and begs to be allowed to feel next time the baby kicks. Before you can do more the bell above the door dings and you both automatically turn, your customer service smiles back on. Only.
"John?" Your mouth drops open in surprise. Standing there looking oddly sheepish is the man you hadn't thought you'd ever see again. The man whose baby was currently kicking as if demanding your attention.
His eyes sweep over you appreciatively, though when he sees your obvious pregnancy he freezes. The shock of seeing him makes your legs weak. Cally lets out a panicked yelp when you knees buckle, but he's already darting forward, catching your arms gently and helping you to a seat.
"Careful there sweetheart." he says and god does that warm your chest. You remember the last time you heard him say that, it had been when you'd bumped into him in the bar.
"What are you doing here?" you ask breathlessly as Cally scurries off to get you a drink and he glances at you for permission before pulling a chair up next to you.
"Remembered you talking about your dream of opening a café. When i got back to town I spotted the name nd wondered if it was just a coincidence." he tells you, but you can see his eyes keep drifting towards your stomach. He's obviously trying to figure out if its his. But it takes a moment for you to respond because you can't believe that he remembered that. It'd been an offhanded comment you'd made while the two of you had been enjoying late night takeout before going at it another round.
Shaking yourself out of your thoughts you put a hand over his, biting your lip, "Listen. I. I don't want you to feel obligated or anything. I would have told you sooner only I didn't have any way to contact you."
"It's mine." he says for you. You nod, cursing inwardly when tears start to sting your eyes.
You take a deep breath to calm yourself.
"Like I said. I'm doing fine. I don't expect anything from you. I've got a plan. I'm looking for bigger flats."
He stares at you in silence, expression unreadable. You worry for a minute about what he's going to say. You've been prone to overthinking everything since becoming pregnant and now suddenly having the father of your child reappearing in your life. It's a lot.
John squeezes your hand gently halting the panic as you look back up at him.
"I would very much like to be able to meet the kid when they get here. If you'd let me." he tells you hesitantly, "Being in the Military I don't know how often I'd be able to be around, but if you let me I'd like to be in their life."
All of your emotions flood you like a tidal wave at his confession. You burst into tears, letting him pull you into a firm, but careful hug.
"Yes. Of course. I just didn't want you to feel like I was pressuring you. You have every right to know them too." You promise tearfully, smiling at him as he thumbs the tears from your cheeks.
He insists on exchanging numbers so he can contact you and in case you need anything. He won't always be able to answer, but he promises to do his best. Then he bashfully asks if you'll tell him about what's happened so far. Shyly you tell him you've written the entire experience and kept the scans.
He eventually leaves you to get back to work, but the copy of the ultrasound photos you kept in your wallet is tucked into his jacket pocket and he promised to meet you at your flat for dinner and to collect your pregnancy journal so he can catch up on everything.
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alluralater · 2 months
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just saw this girl on tinder that i had the most insane rollercoaster thing with in college but she now identifies as a goth dyke and let me tell you… i swiped right so hard but almost didn’t because i wanted to keep looking at her pictures. she looks the same, just different style but it suits her so so well. and as ya’ll know i am a whore for goth/alt aesthetics to my colorful dyke look. the contrast is so giving but it just so happens to be what im usually drawn to. if we even go out to coffee and end up making out over this, it will have been worth the swipe. even if nothing, it was still totally worth it. i cannot lie, she was such a disaster in college though and nearly tanked an entire group project for me but my professor was also a lesbian (shoutout to this professor bc i loved her so much and she really cared about me) and she was like “hey allura,” and proceeded to tell me that this girl was a less experienced gay than i was and was clearly very obsessed with me (cause apparently she had gone to our professor to talk about me and had accidentally dropped a weird amount of concerning info??) and so my professor was going to separate her from me as much as possible (cause at that point she was like causing a crazy ton of issues for my school stuff and in my social life) but i mean… she was/is REALLY hot. her intensity was really sexy and the way she was so shameless was ALSO very sexy. plus i mean, even though she was doing wild shit it wasn’t like she was an awful person. i found her to be super yummy in all respects and was really shook when she flew off the handle and was basically harassing me. now this all sounds really insane i know but… ugh i want her so bad and i really hoped that some years apart would change those toxic obsessive pieces so let’s hope yes and find out
#oh this was longer than i meant it to be#i think i still have screenshots of when she first started flirty texting me#i liked her a LOT okay. it was so devastating when she practically lost her mind and didn’t find it again until we had another class#together with the same professor like a year later. i was still too wary to be/get close to her but she’d smile at me sometimes and i would#smile back very friendly.#but physically yeah this girl and i were VERY into each other so it was hard to be cool about it. she used to do this thing i loved too ugh#like before we started talking. she sat like two rows in front of me but exactly ahead of my eyes and she would do this thing where she#would sweep the hair from her neck and rub it really sensually with her fingers and stretch and i always tried NOT to watch l#but then she told me she was doing it to make me look so i felt REALLY stupid#she was always so funny and sweet and she was really smart too. like i don’t know. we clicked super well and i guess that’s why part of me#kinda held out hope that maybe SOMEDAY things would work out even just as friends. back then i told her i wasn’t ready to be in a#relationship and that’s around the time she started getting really intense in a bad way. i was seeing a few different people and i had#recently gone through a super traumatic breakup and she knew the girl i had broken up with so it got really messy#anywaysssss#she was lovely though. our first little coffee date was so cute ugh. anyways ALRIGHT this is enough rambling#i’m just tired and had so much to say abt this for no real reason lmfao
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shepscapades · 8 months
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So, um, basing on what is the result of smashing an androids head open is in dbh, uhhhh. gg etho rest in peace :|
Yeah mans is not doing well. Etho needed a LOT of physical repairs after this incident, and that’s not even taking into account the programming/internal errors that caused it in the first place. Doc and Xisuma spend a LONG time trying to fix him before they eventually deem his programming unsalvageable and reset him.
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ty-bayonet-betteridge · 6 months
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3l!grian is frequently depicted as a tragic figure and sometimes i wonder if we even watched the same series
#like yes he is tragic. every character in the series is tragic but i think hes easily the least tragic of the winners#(except maybe cleo. i have my own thoughts about how cleos victory plays into her core themes and why its not as joyous or triumphant as#cleo the players and the fandom at large make it seem that i will have to make a real post about at some point)#grian dies Laughing. he smiles and calls it a dual victory before the final fight. his last words are “its been amazing.”#to me Grians arc is about how he came in with this sense of mirth. had it ripled away by the reality when his joke gets Scar killed.#and then rediscovers it as he learns that the horror of their circumstances doesn't need to keep him from delight#plus also ive never seen a man more delighted to explode three of his friends#ill also bring up that Martyns lore has Grian involved in the games explicitly to COMBAT the angst#that Grians inherent silliness and joy makes the players less hopeless as they meet their endings#and theres obviously parts of martyns lore i can take or leave but this is one area where Eyes and Ears lines up very well with what actions#the characters take and so im happy to bring it up#unlike other parts such as “limlife pearl and cleo retained more trauma between seasons than any player has before”#which i do directly refute as it doesn't seem to line up with the way the characters act and the story plays out#thats for another post though#my point here is 3l grian was having the time of his life and i think there are some fanon interpretationd that disregard that#which theyre free to do im definitely someone who has ignored canon plenty of times in the past (glances at worm)#but i think this is the sort of thing that makes the canon more interesting and compelling#anyway. um. rambled longer than i meant to there#grian#trafficblr#3rd life#3rd life smp#3lsmp
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ilovecoelacanths · 2 years
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It’s time for some facts about coelacanths!
I said I’d do this a while ago and I forgot so I’m doing it now because coelacanths are the best and more people should know how cool they are! I did not mean for this post to turn out so long but I promise the facts are very good (how could they not be when coelacanths are so cool)
There are two living species of coelacanth, Latimeria chalumnae, the West Indian Ocean coelacanth, and Latimeria menadoensis, the Indonesian coelacanth.
This is a West Indian Ocean coelacanth, they’re dark blue and each one has a unique pattern of white spots:
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And this is an Indonesian coelacanth:
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Indonesian coelacanths are noticeably different from West Indian Ocean coelacanths due to their background colouration being more of a greyish brown rather than blue. Their spots also appear more gold due to light reflecting off them :)
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Coelacanths are old! The oldest coelacanth fossils date to more than 400 million years ago, and they were thought to have gone extinct about 66 million years ago, until 1938 when one was accidentally caught off the coast of South Africa and found by Marjorie Courtenay-Latimer.
Latimer contacted her friend, the ichthyologist J. L. B. Smith, who confirmed the fish was a coelacanth! Smith was given the honor of naming the fish, and he named it Latimeria after Marjorie Courtenay-Latimer. (Shown below with the coelacanth she found)
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After their discovery, people mistakenly described them as the 'missing link' thanks to their leg-like fins, and this myth persisted thanks to the interesting way coelacanths swim, which appears almost like crawling.
Even today they are sometimes called 'living fossils' because of how little they have changed over millions of years. This label is not technically accurate since they are still evolving, but they do have one of the slowest evolving genomes in the animal kingdom, probably because they're already very well adapted to their environment and they don't have a lot of selection pressures affecting them.
Coelacanths can be more than six feet (up to two meters) long, weigh up to 200 pounds, and are estimated to be able to live up to 100 years! They are covered in hard, armor-like rough scales that are themselves covered in tiny spikes called denticles, which help protect coelacanths from rocks and other fish that might want to hurt them.
They also give birth to live young in litters of 10-25 pups and new research suggests they can be pregnant for as long as 5 years! This would mean that they beat out the frilled shark as the record holder for the longest gestation period by more than a year!
(Unfortunately this means that the birth rate for coelacanths is very low, which doesn't help their small populations. The West Indian Ocean coelacanth is critically endangered, and the Indonesian coelacanth is classified as threatened :( )
Coelacanths are what’s called a lobe-finned fish! This means that their fins look more like stumpy appendages than skin that's been stretched over flexible spines. Their closest relatives are lungfish, and that actually means they’re more closely related to us humans than they are to ray-finned fish like tuna or goldfish! Hell yeah!
Coelacanths live in the "twilight zone" which is between 500-800 feet deep. It’s hard to study coelacanths in their natural habitat for extended periods, but they never survive trips to the surface due to the pressure change, so a lot about their behavior is still pretty unknown.
Coelacanths are generally slow moving, nocturnal drift hunters, which means they tend to sort of just eat whatever fish cross their path, but they have a lot of interesting adaptations that make their particular method of drift hunting unique.
First, coelacanths have a hinge in their skull, called an intracranial joint, that lets them open their mouth more than would be possible with just their jaw.
Second, they display an interesting behavior when feeding, where they will float with their head pointed down, almost like they're doing a headstand. They do this while floating along catching prey, and it seems to be working out for them.
Third, coelacanths have a sixth sense! They have an organ in their snout called a rostral organ that functions as an electrosensor to help locate their prey by detecting the electrical signals given off by other animals!
They truly are a unique animal. They even have a caudal (tail) fin with three lobes instead of the two-lobed tail that is common in many fish.
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(source for this diagram)
And here you can see the three-lobed caudal fin on a real coelacanth (and also you can have a reminder of how big these guys are. They are not little fish)
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It seems coelacanths also have more similarities to their relatives, the lungfish, than we used to think. It turns out coelacanths have a vestigial lung! They have a lung that they don’t use anymore! It’s all shrivelled and wrinkly but it’s there!
They also have a spiral shaped intestine! Some sharks have this too, it’s basically shaped like a spiral to increase surface area for maximum nutrient absorption.
Another way they differ from many other fish is their swim bladder, which is how they control their buoyancy! In most fish the swim bladder is filled with gas, but coelacanths' swim bladders are filled with oil and fat instead!
Coelacanths are also the proud owners of notochords! They don’t have backbones, they’re so old they were around before animals had backbones and they just never got one, they still have their oil filled notochords! Don't fix it if it's not broken, right?
Also, just in case you were wondering, they would not taste good, they are full of all sorts of oils (as mentioned in the above two facts), plus they do have very hard and rough scales. (But also even if they did taste good it would be a bad idea to eat them since there aren't a lot of them left and it's generally considered bad to eat endangered species)
Well, that's the end of my coelacanth facts, so if you took the time to read this whole long post that was just me talking about my favorite animal, thanks for sticking around! Here, have some bonus content!
Coelacanths make a guest appearance in Atlantis: the Lost Empire!
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I like seeing them in the movie so I ignore they weren’t discovered when the film takes place in 1914 (easy to ignore) and that they wouldn’t survive the trip to the surface due to the immense pressure change (less easy to ignore but I do it anyway) :)
My friend @thelunarbee even crocheted me one for a Christmas present :’) his name is Milo and I love him so so much
I also drew a coelacanth a while ago, here's where I posted it if you want to see it :) (I mean, I draw coelacanths all the time but those are mostly doodles, this one I actually put effort into)
Alright that's all I have to say, but I hope you liked the coelacanth facts and remember, if coelacanths can survive for 400 million years, you can make it through today. Be kind to yourself :)
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daydreams-on-jupiter · 3 months
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My thoughts on Coriolanus Snow
As someone who read tbosas before the movie was announced, under no circumstances will I ever feel any empathy for Coriolanus Snow. He is a narcissistic, misogynistic, manipulative and horrible human being. I’d probably go as far to say he’s bordering sociopathy.
Now I won’t deny that even in the book SC did an excellent job of making you feel conflicted about how to feel about Coriolanus, but even then it was clear that out of all the things he was, he was not good.
He does not feel any love towards Lucy Gray, at least not the same kind of love normal people experience, He views her as an object he owns, and the very moment she was no longer of use to him he turned on her.
I absolutely loved the cast they picked for the movie but I hated how they seemingly tried to make Coriolanus seem like anything more than a person who will do anything in his power to get what he wants, no matter who gets hurt, or dies, in the process.
In the books it is almost immediately made known that Coriolanus is a bad person, whereas the movies it is not made very clear until the end (partially because there is a limit to how much detail they can have, seeing as books always have been a better way to get information about a character made clear)
Coriolanus even describes Tigress to (in his own words) have a “certain sweetness and vulnerability that invited abuse.” Which is an absolutely disgusting thing for him to say.
Coriolanus Snow is an excellently well written character, someone with such an insatiable hunger for power that he will lay down everything to get it. He is a truly evil character and I love how SC portrayed him in tbosas, he is a horrible person and only got what he has through deceit and manipulation.
He saw Lucy Gray as nothing more than a pebble in his way, Which I feel like has been completely overlooked by the majority who watched the movies.
I can’t stand seeing people call tbosas a romance, because it is many things, but romance is not one of them.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk🤚
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tsurugis · 6 months
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My mother in law finished my first book in the trilogy I’m writing and I’m dead because she loves it skjndjkdhidj she read the last hundred fifty pages in nearly one sitting and said it’s the strongest part of the book but that it’s well worth how “slow” the beginning is because by the time shit starts going down you really know the characters well I’m dead. she’s weird as hell about books and it’s not her genre but I live with her and I know she wouldn’t be able to fake liking it she can be mean as hell pfpflkjf
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designernishiki · 1 year
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it really means the world to me that little 12 year old daigo mentions that kiryu used to hang out with him a lot, meaning a teenage kiryu (and likely a teenage nishiki as well) basically babysat an even younger daigo on the reg for some amount of time. i wonder what shenanigans they got up to
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see-arcane · 2 years
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I might have pitied this deformed woman
With all due respect ACD why is everyone calling someone with a limp deformed... Also to be honest I would have felt more horror from the story if Gilroy found her attractive and/or charming and enjoyed her company and work relationship but also did not love her for whatever (non-physical) reason, because then there could have been a potential inner conflict and guilt, instead of ''this is out of my hands she is icky-looking and a crone (Gilroy you are 35) so I have no self-doubts about being in love involved on top of it all yay''. Having him vehemently dislike her all the time minus during hypnosis removes those layers.
It isn't 'everyone' in the story who calls her deformed, though. It's just Gilroy. No one else is mentioned deriding her for her disability or her looks or anything else beyond Penelosa's talent.
Considering ACD's comparatively progressive track record with the Sherlock Holmes stories--a series notable for how often it takes the side of oppressed parties, including abused or preyed-upon women--I can't see Gilroy's ageist and ableist views as anything but an intentional setup for the narrative payoff of his disgust as well as his anger and fear.
The story does feel slightly karmic at the start and, to give ACD the benefit of the doubt, I agree with you that having Penelosa not be an attractive hypno-dominatrix likely played a part in Gilroy's initial revulsion at her controlling him into playing paramour. I think this was intentional for the character's buildup, but also for the audience's. Even in the present day, there's no ignoring that there are demographics out there who are Highly Interested in the erotic implications of hypnosis. BDSM for the brain, puppet master kinks, et cetera.
If Miss Penelosa had been hot, or even just pretty, I wouldn't have been surprised if the horror story ACD was trying to put together would lose much of its punch in his era's audience. Sure, it's still icky that Gilroy's a man being Controlled By a Woman (!!!), but having her be attractive would 'soften' it for them. Still, all this is only in play if ACD was really truly adamant about selling the horror of 'A Stranger Now Owns My Free Will and Is Planning to Violate My Life in Intimate Ways.'
It could also have just been intended as an eerie scientific*** what-if adventure applied to a then-popular (and wildly overestimated) practice of the time. Or maybe he meant it as a straight-up supernatural escapade in the vein of vampiric mesmerism from a psychic monster. I don't know, I can't ask him.
All of that said, the horror is soured a bit by Gilroy being a haughty skeptic snob who had some comeuppance heading his way in the first place. Similar setups are common in horror flicks today, where we get to cheer at least once in a movie when the Big Villain takes down a more commonplace bad guy. There's no scare there, just vindication.
And me being me, that's not enough. Because I am all about two things.
One, adding more horror to everything, always, forever.
Two, making life harder for Jonathan Harker.
Jonathan 'Holiest Love means I Will Walk Backwards into Hell to Protect/Stay with My Wife Whether She's Mortal or a Literal Monster' Harker is not about to shit on anyone for a bad leg or some crow's feet.
More importantly, we've already seen his reaction to sexy sexy undead ladies trying to hypnotize him into compliance so they can take certain bloody/eternally conscripting liberties with him.
To judge by the 1000+ Dracula adaptations that show the directors' fetishes in full view, Jonathan being preyed on by the hot vampire Brides is seen by many people as...you know. Hot. Enough to rewrite and bastardize his character every time to make him seem like he was genuinely tempted by them.
But He Was Not.
He was being hypnotized into artificial attraction and paralysis so the ladies could take their turns with him without his fighting back or trying to run. Which he does later! More than once! Every time this voluptuous trio tries to hypnotize or corner him again, Jonathan catches on and sprints in the other direction. He is not into that shit no matter how pretty you are, ladies.
Specifically because, as I and Bramothy Stoker cannot stress enough, Jonathan Harker is strictly Minasexual. All Mina all the time. 24/7 Mina lockdown 365 days of the year. Mina, Mina, Mina. Mina? Mina. (I personally headcanon him as demisexual with shades of biromanticism and ace, but that's beside the point.)
The point is, even if Penelosa was a knockout, Jonathan wouldn't notice. He wouldn't care. Just as his love would not have been stopped by Mina turning into an actual monster; he would rather be damned and in love than slay her and be holy. You can bet your ass if Mina suddenly had a handicap he'd still be enraptured with her to the point of blasphemy. You know he's going to still be heart-eyed as they grow older. Jonathan Harker is made of unconditional and extremely focused love. It is all-encompassing and yet it belongs to a single person. It's the kind of love we all wish we had for ourselves.
It's the kind of love that someone like Penelosa--who latched onto a random handsome prick of a professor after she had known him LESS THAN AN HOUR and started plotting to groom him into her personal Ken doll--would do anything to have for herself; Jonathan Harker, the true Prince Charming, the gallant beloved, the guileless charmer who holds the One He Loves above himself, above God and Devil and the world itself...being wasted on some pretty young thing who hardly needs such a treasure.
It isn't fair. Mrs. Harker will never appreciate dear Jonathan like other, more deserving women would. Not like her. She would show him. Help him through the motions until he learned better; learned to love in the right direction.
Her direction.
Only if given the opportunity, of course.
(👁)
In short, yeah, Gilroy was not the best option for a sympathetic horror story protagonist who we could feel real fear and empathy for. We only really get a glimpse of that toward the end, when Penelosa escalates enough to start injuring innocents and tries to make Gilroy throw acid in his fiancée's face. A big scary leap, but also too late in the game for a proper punch. Especially with the abrupt copout of the ending. Bleh.
I think we can do better than that. Say, with a protagonist who can balance on the pro-and-con line of keeping the supernatural puppet master of their life happy enough to not act rashly, who knows the value of dancing on eggshells in a tight spot, who could tug the heartstrings of villain and audience just enough to let fuller and far more frightening machinations come to light as time goes by.
Especially with certain other powers lurking in the shadows, which might make a trifle like death a far less permanent end to their ~romance~ than it ought to be.
Don't you agree, Mr. Harker? ❤
P.S. Gilroy's still absolutely getting his ass handed to him in this take, don't you worry. He's been demoted from crush to chew toy to minion. RIP sir, but you're not off the hook just because Jonathan's distracting her with his dreaminess. Get to work.
#I got an ask a while ago that was really focused on whether or not I was 'going to keep Penelosa ugly'#not long after I went into a whole other ramble about how she was Not Described As Ugly#just middle-aged a bit plain and having a limp#a ramble where I also pointed out that Gilroy was the only person who was shown being insulting about her appearance#to be clear: While there will be (unpleasantly) intimate predatory scenes#this is not a kinkfic I'm writing#this isn't 'Jonathan Gets Hypno-Dommed By Sexy Psychic Lady XXX'#it's meant to be taken as a story directly following Dracula's events and happening a third of the way into 'The Parasite'#while also taking some liberties with the amount of time involved rather than killing the story (and Penelosa) unceremoniously#barely a month into the interesting bits#the fact that Jonathan is careful enough to play the long game without pissing off (X) bogeyman/bogeywoman is grounds to let things go on#for much Much longer than Gilroy allowed with his temper getting the better of him and setting Penelosa on vengeance#more time = more dread = Penelosa getting to show exactly how far she's willing to go to own her target's life/love#I don't plan to throw any ageist or ableist shit in the mix#just fleshing out character points we never got to see in focus before#and highlighting the Actual Menace of the premise that Gilroy's plight/personality didn't really sell#'Someone owns your brain and is taking steps to cut you out of your life and make you into their personal doll.'#which is scary! fucked up! absolute nightmare and a half!#regardless if the person making you into a puppet is sexy~ or not#but again: I am not sexifying this story or its characters. Period.#they are who they are and anything I might add to the story will have its roots in the original works#so to any future anons wanting to know: No. No Sexy Penelosa for you. No hot Harker love triangle. The End.#anyway#the parasite#arthur conan doyle#dracula#bram stoker#jonathan harker#helen penelosa#austin gilroy
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Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)
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#twitter and other short form shit and everything being a Phone App On Small Screen instead of a Proper#Computer Website i feel like has just ruined the format of literally everything for me. Thoughts just keep getting more and more condensed#with detail and nuance taken away. everything over simplified into only the basics. blah blah blah. I've already probably rambled about thi#all before but it's just SO frustrating. I literally just CAN NOT talk that way!!! even if I try!!! I took multiple advanced placement#english & language arts classes in school and I literally never made below an A on any assignment EVER except for ESSAYS#where I would legit get almost failing grades just because I cannt express myself concisely. I took an english placement test thats made to#like evaluate your competency in a subject and out of the 102 multiple choice questions I only missed TWO of them. almost a perfect#score. But for the 5 open response questions (about articulating thoughts succinctly) I did not get a single one of them lol#I only got partial credit on 3. It's like I OBVIOUSLY understand the material and I know how Words Work and how to analyze and interpret#meaning and etc. etc. But it's just when I have to express myself CLEANLY I can't. It's always ''well you have very good points and you#get around to the idea eventually and I think it's very insightful - but it just needs to be shorter/the side tangent needs to be removed/#etc.'' I've always wondered if it has something to do with being on the schizophrenia spectrum and how that can cause disorganized#speech sometimes hmm..ANYWAY.. But I just naturally express myself in a very particular way which is lengthy and I can't rea#ly seem to control it. So it's basically like just.. being gradually pushed out of every place that won't accomodate people with different#ways of like perceiving and expressing or etc. Everything cannot ALWAYS be 100% 'Short and Snappy and To The Point' or a quippy one#liner or the Bare Minimum of information being provided or etc. Some peoples brains just do not work like that!!!!! Sorry I operate#in detail and elaboration lol. ANYWAY.. I still sometimes use random ''dating sites'' like OKCupid to look for platonic friends since#I never leave the house so it's hard for me to just meet friends naturally. And I just realized today that they added a RIDICULOUSLY small#character limit to their messaging system (2000 words?? augh). And also took away answer explanations (when you answer a compatibility#question you used to have a space to give detail and explain why you answered the way you did) and removed a few other features and it's ju#t like.. how the fuck is any of this actually helpful in terms of judging compatibility? take away ALL nuance and anyting that actually#is meant to tell you anything about a person? Bumble's character limits for your profile description are even more fucking insane and so#is every other disgustingly minimalistic place I've seen like.. OKC used to be superior BECAUSE it allowed for a TON of detail. like back i#2016 or something there was SO much data you could look at. long form question answers. personality trait summaries. etc. Now you have#SOO little to judge off of when evaluating compatibiility it's like. You'd have better luck just throwing a dart in a crowded street and#talking to whoever it hits. Why are people so fucking allergic to reading anything longer than 3 words and providing DETAILS!! It just seem#harder and harder to find any place to meet platonic friends where you have any amount of actual data to go off of and it isnt basically#just random 'speed dating' set up shit. AARGH. &I know 'oh just join a club& meet ppl irl' 1. erm..covid. 2.I mostly want to meet ppl#in places I'd like to move so I already know ppl when I get there. You kind of HAVE to do that online. bc I am not there yet.. WISHING for#Complexity.Com where ppl can upload full 900 page psychological files of themselves. MINIMUM profile character limit 30k words lol
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outeremissary · 8 months
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Having one of those weeks of "is this the monthly Malaise or am I about to have a real mental health rut"
#I think I feel a bit bad for not having seen success for a bit on a large project or one for other people#my to-do list... I'm trying#think I just feel socially weird too. as usual I would benefit from touching grass#I know I've been on more than is good for me lately and I'm just trying to distract from not liking how creative projects are going#or feeling lonely but not very socially confident for a while#for me social media is generally an extremely poor substitute for other forms of interaction (including other online interaction) too#it's like candy. it's fun in moderation but the more of it making up your diet the sicker you feel#and socially ambiguous in a nerve wracking way with how uncertainly part private/part public it is#especially on tumblr where so much interaction is indirect and one way. it's not how I function best I fear#it can be fun! I enjoy it much of the time. but it can also be very stressful and confusing.#a solid 'touch grass' (or touch snow) time is likely approaching if I feel weird a little longer haha#but jeez! I should knock some stuff off the list first.#I'm up too late tonight. I know that. lack of satisfaction on projects I know#okayyyyy I'll maybe prep one last thing (sunk cost fallacy) and go to sleep properly like I should've ages ago. morning will be rough.#I do miss the ways people interacted on Twitter#rambling#you should know half the time I have some way too long tags it's because I meant to say one thing and then just kept going without thinking#I think I talk too much online because offline I don't talk very much. not many people to talk to.
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Gonna be a while before I think I'll be drawing much beyond some planned doodles I said I'd do to a couple close friends, but... I'm curious, what FNaF AU drawings types from me sound more interesting..?
A random poll yes, but I'm curious, and ngl, I think I'm approaching one of those not so great "Spells" where I'm losing confidence in the things I'm well, supposed to be doing for fun. ^^;
#insomniac hyena rambles#fnaf: a wound left bleeding au#I'm still gonna do my best to finish AWLB#just having some anxiety/depression type feels again#not feeling confident cuz my brain likes to say if I'm not making “professional level” content I'm doing bad#+ Lost like. near all ability to work on OC type things without anxiety semi recently. so sorta. having a lot of anxiety over Stardrop and-#another OC-type character I had planned for part 2#sorry for rambling in the tags. still writing part 2 when I have time/motivation#around 160ish pages in now. so that's pretty nice I think#chapters are a lot longer than early part 1 chapters so far too. kinda neat#to any creatives out there. i know easier said than done#but please. do what you can not to let the world rip your confidence in your work away from you#dont rewire your characters and stories just to please others#(I mean this within reason though. this is the internet so I feel the need to clarify. if your work is genuinely made to be offensive. then#yea. reconsider.)#but generally speaking! if your story wasn't meant to have x themes/characters/etc#or a character or thing wasn't meant to go x-way or do x-thing. and you don't want them to. don't cave just cuz someone else out there want#it to be that way. don't sell your own ideas and thoughts short just to be a people pleaser#it wears you down a lot eventually and saps confidence#Idk im ramblin. point is! Enjoy what you do. if it makes you happy. then hold onto it! Goodness knows everyone needs those bits of happines#Uhhh I think that's all my tired morning thoughts lol#oh ! this isn't me saying yall cant still yeet ideas or theories or such at me!#just that unless I really like the idea. and can fit it into what I've already planned#chances are. im gonna try real hard not to cave and add it just cuz i was asked to#trying. real hard to stop being an overly people pleasing person. its caused me more harm than good in life I think#I can be nice without destroying myself lol
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thysanniia · 10 months
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i try to stick to tumblr and bluesky as my primary social media platforms, but the main difference is that the people who see my posts on bluesky are people who've known me on twitter for ages, whereas my tumblr interactions seem to mostly come from people who've found me on here or i otherwise don't know, which has the effect of making me much more comfortable rambling about life stuff on here. like... i don't know you, you don't know me, i can spout whatever bullshit i want without feeling overly vulnerable. completely illogical but whatever, brain be funky.
this has also had the consequence that my life being how it has been recently has meant my bluesky has gone almost completely inactive recently whereas my tumblr activity has spiked lol. hope you enjoy me being a mentally ill freak there's plenty more where that came from :3
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gibbearish · 1 year
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I am an egg
What is the egg for
I mean I agree that on the spectrum of gender I am plausibly definitely an egg that just feels about right. I'm just there man. Sitting around until needed. In my zone, in my lane, just serving my purpose like an egg.
But I'm still curious about the egg title I've been bestowed
generally in trans circles an "egg" refers to a trans person who hasn't realized they're trans yet, so then realizing is "the egg cracking"
functionally in the quiz it's kind of a "your answers mostly pointed towards cisish but not always" / middle of the road placeholder. honestly the results part is kind of the main bit im not entirely happy with because i have no idea how to actually weight answers properly lol
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