#this show giving us all trauma and then healing us all in one go

[moonlitstoriess]

Across the Universe-ch.6 (Fenrys x Reader)

Summary: Y/n has everything she needs in life. A family, friends, a safe place she calls home and most importantly a male whom she loves. What happens when it all changes when Y/n finds out about the betrayal of her lover and her so called family? Well, ending up in Terrasen and in queen Aelin's court was not what she expected but what she will need to start her new journey full of surprises.

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"You are not paying any attention."

Isolde's voice shut off y/n's overthinking as she turned her head from the window in the healers hut and saw the concerned female with a small jar in one hand and some leaves in the other.

"I am sorry, I just got lost for a minute. You were saying?"

The healer sighed as she came closer and put the objects on the small table near y/n "I was saying, this salve will soothe the pain on your neck but in order for the marks to leave, you must apply it with these Sylvan leaves. Their smooth surface contain wondrous magical healing abilities so smearing the salve on it and then applying it on your neck will take the marks in a day or two, depending on the severity of the injury."

Y/n gave her a confused glance "But I did not mention having any neck wounds."

"Oh yes because as you said 'A friend needs it urgently because she fell and her neck got marked badly' Hmm I wonder how is that even possible? Also let us not forget how you are wearing a turtleneck during one of the hottest seasons the kingdom has endured."

She smiled sheepishly and replied, "I was never good at telling lies."

Isolde smirked "I can tell. That goes to show how pure your heart is dear."

At that, the younger females expression became solemn as she sighed and again turned her head towards the small window "I don't know about that."

She felt the healer sit down opposite to her and put her hand on y/n's, caressing it smoothly "There is clearly something bothering you. It is not a good decision to keep it locked within yourself. I am here and willing to listen."

Y/n wanted to. She really wanted to tell Isolde or anyone who would listen really about all that was troubling her. Especially after what she saw last night in the place filled with crystals. But would anyone believe her? Did she even deserve to be listened to? So much pent up trauma, so many words, memories, revelations. She wondered if Isolde would still look at her with this motherly care written all over her face if she knew even the tiniest bits about her. Azriel was the only one who ever heard her full, raw and true story. Who saw her deepest and darkest parts. Who, in turn, showed his own deepest darkest parts. Who promised to love and cherish her even more now that he knew her fully. But in the end, all of those words of affection, all of those intimate touches, all of those memories were lies. He lied. Az lied. He left and all that remained of her was a broken heart and a broken soul.

She thought that she learned her lesson. That she would never make the same mistakes again. How wrong she was. After the shock she endured last night, y/n could not get any sleep. She even went out to the beautiful, spacious, white marble balcony that overlooked a vast green mountanious area with small lakes running in between. However, even that could not soothe her. Her last resort was going to the training ring and exhausting herself but even that did not work. Thankfully though, this time Fenrys did not show up and y/n did not think she could stay calm and not throw a knife at his eye if she saw him. What she saw in the catacombs brought all her buried memories back. Made her rethink her choices. Her past.

How was it even possible? She would never recover.

Because what made her fall to her knees after seeing it was-

"Y/n? You are gone again dear."

She snapped out of it as she faced the healer, who was now looking at her with concern "Maybe I should also give you a tonic against overthinking."

That made y/n giggle as she said, "Such a thing exists?"

Isolde smiled warmly "Not yet but if it means you will stop drifting off in the middle of a conversation then, I will somehow create it."

Before y/n could reply, the female continued "What secrets do you hide you poor child?"

"None of importance."

"Do not lie to me. I have seen your naked body. The scars and memories it carries is unmeasurable. Each of them telling a different story."

She patted Isolde's hand, got up, put the two products in a small pouch and said, "Maybe someday I will feel ready to tell my story. Today is not that day Isolde. Thank you for the salve."

The healer also got up and started putting other medicine's in small, wooden boxes "As you wish. But remember child, the shadows may cloak you for a time, but true strength lies in the light you choose to reveal."

After leaving the healers hut and putting the salve with the leave's in her room, y/n walked up the stairs to the library in hopes of searching more on the matter. An hour ago during breakfast, Aelin announced that they will all be splitting in groups to search for more information. Obviously apart from Yrene because she was busy with the book in her room. They took the next two hours to attend to their duties because after all, Aelin was a queen and the rest of them also had jobs to do. So that means after an hour everyone would get together again and spend their time searching.

Once she reached the large room, her eyes immediately landed on Eva who was sitting on one of the lounge chairs facing the large floor to ceiling windows and reading a book. She looked up and smiled when she saw y/n entering the room.

"Y/n! Do you enjoy reading?"

Y/n nodded as she came and sat down on the carpeted floor next to Eva "I have always enjoyed reading. Fantasy, romance, action, even history."

At that, the younger one giggled "Me too! I especially enjoy getting lost in the pages for hours. Forgetting the real world exists, just you and the words on paper that transport you to an imaginary world you do not want to leave. Ever."

Y/n sighed and said, "Yes, unfortunately the real world can be...cruel and that makes me wish that the places we read about would be real so I could dissapear there and never come back."

After seeing that Eva had a sad, almost mournful look on her face as her gaze landed past y/n on the window and the view beyond, she quickly tried to correct herself, "Oh Cauldron boil me! Eva I am sorry for making the mood so sour, I did not mea-"

"No. You are right. I was just remembering times where the world was cruel."

At y/n's confused gaze, she took a deep breath and said, "During the war 3 years ago, I was so scared. Lysandra and everyone I loved were fighting the Valgs and whatever other horrors Erawan was throwing at them. Lysandra and Aedion tried calming me by saying that everything is fine, that we are winning, but, I saw it for the lie it was. Everyday felt like the last. Like that would be the day they would die and I would be left alone. Again."

The poor girl was struggling to continue so y/n said, "Eva, you do not have to conti-"

"But I want to. This world of ours was not a good place y/n. Not for 10 years. I know my family has told you about what happened but not about what they each went through, their own secrets."

"I do not blame them. It is absolutely fine if they do not wish to tell me that. After all, I am a stranger to you all."

"Yes, their stories are theirs to tell. But I will tell you mine."

At that, y/n gave her a puzzled face "Why? You barely know me."

"Because I trust you. And even if I have known you for only a few days, I believe in you. I see you for the braveheart that you are, y/n"

Braveheart. One of y/n's earned nicknames. Did Eva know of it?

And so, Eva told y/n of her story. She told her of her time with Lysandra in Madame Clarisse Duvency's brothel, about how Lysandra gave her these scars to save her from an early fate of prostitution. At some point, y/n had moved from her place on the floor to the couch to hug the small teen.

By the time she finished, y/n was frozen in her place, processing the shocking information. She was and still is a child. How could they? What world were they living in?

Eva had no tears on her face. In fact, she seemed so emotionless when she was talking.

She took y/n's hands in her smaller ones and said, "I am beyond crying. Please do not pity me, I have had enough of that. Yes, those horror's will never truly leave me, but atleast I fight against them everyday. Their marks on my body get less and less. I am strong now. Aedion has begun teaching me some fighting forms. Yes, these scars will never leave me, people will continue to either judge or be disgusted by me when they see my face but do I care? No. Lysandra has saved my life. I shall never be ashamed of them."

This girl was not only smart but also strong. Stronger than y/n will ever be. Atleast she has managed to face her demons instead of hiding from them. And as they sat there in comforting silence, reading the book in Eva's lap while she was tugged safely under y/n's wing, she understood that at some point, she would also have to face her revelations.

An hour later, everyone was gathered in the sitting room. Aelin took a sip of water from her cup before looking at each one of them in the eye and saying, "We will be dividing ourselves into groups in order to be more efficient. Chaol will stay with Yrene in the palace, Lysandra, Aedion and Elide you three will be going to The Silent Sanctuary, that remote monastery is one of the few places that survived Erawan for 10 years due to its location which is why their ancient manuscripts and meditative insights could provide some form of guidance or hidden knowledge regarding the issue. Then, Row-"

"Why am I not with Elide?" Lorcan said as he stood up and faced Aelin. Rowan, sensing the threat to his mate, also got up and bared his teeth. "Lorcan I swear-"

"That is enough." Aelin said as she glanced between her mate and Lorcan before relaxing back in her chair. "The Silent Sanctuary is considered a holy place for its monks and sages and even if I am their queen, they still hold their own laws and values. Elide is going for sure because she has a way with convincing people to submit to her. Lysandra is going because that place is located in the mountains. Her shapeshifting would be essential for them. Aedion is going for extra protection."

Lorcan was about to protest again, probably with a stupid remark when Elide put her hand on his chest and said, "Lorcan, I am not a little child you can coddle all the time. Did you forget how we managed to get into the circus at some point? How we got jobs as actors and performers? It was all due to my conversational skills and acting. We need to do this so stop acting like a mother hen."

Clearly Elide was the only one to ever shut him up because even though he still had an angry expression on, he hugged her to his chest and muttered a small "Sorry, love."

Lysandra sighed as she put her head on Aedions shoulder "Finally, it has been so long since I shifted."

Her husband, clearly dumbfounded, replied "You were literally a bird this morning."

She slapped him on the shoulder "Yes but a bird is not a snow leopard. It has been a while since I was a snow leopard."

Y/n chuckled from her place near the window "I have never met a shapeshifter in my life. I imagine it must be fun getting to change forms whenever you please."

Aedion grumbled "Fun? It is not fun when I wake up in the morning to not find my wife beside me but some animal."

At that, there were a few chuckles while y/n full on laughed.

Aelin, after regaining her composure, went on "Great. Now that we handled Lorcan's tantrum," a glare from the angry giant directed at his queen, "I digress. Rowan and Lorcan will be going to the Riftgate Ruins."

At the confused expressions from everyone, she sighed as she continued, "I know, I know. None of you have heard of the place before. Except me and Aedion. Tell me cousin, have you been there?"

Her cousin offered her a contemplative look as he answered, "I have heard of the place and its legends but never got the chance to visit personally."

Aelin nodded. "Neither have I. But, that place holds remnants of a lost civilization that has apparently been here way before Terrasen even existed. Legends say they once connected worlds and realms and that's why, the place could offer clues to how the current threat may transcend boundaries."

Rowan, standing beside his mate and queen, put his hand on her shoulder, causing Aelin to look up at him "My love, you know I do not like acting too overprotective or doubting your choices but...why am I paired up with that brute exactly?"

Lorcan snickered "Not nice when you have to be seperated from your wife. Is it now, Rowan?"

Aelin ignored Lorcan as she put her hand on her mates and said with a smirk, "Why? I thought the two of the most feared and strong fae to ever exist could work together."

"But that one is not a fae now, is he?" Lysandra said with a smirk

Lorcan was about to reply with another useless comment before Aelin shut him up yet again, "Fae or human does not matter. He is still extremely skilled, warrior and feared. I need you both working on this together."

Lorcan had a smirk on his face as he looked at Rowan--who was still glaring at him--and then did a mocking bow for Aelin.

Aelin sighed as she put her fingers to her temple and continued, "Gods. Anyways, that leaves me, Eva, Fenrys and Y/n."

Y/n's heart began to beat faster after hearing a specific someone's name. She did not fail to notice how Fenrys also straightened from his sitting position on the couch. She prayed and hoped that she would atleast be paired either with Aelin or with Eva but not with him. Oh please not hi-

As if Eva could hear y/n's thoughts she jumped up and down while saying, "Can I please please be paired with y/n? Pleaseee-"

Aelin held a hand up as she cut the little girl's pleading off "I am sorry sweetheart, but I will need you with me. You and I will be visiting The Great Library of Orynth. Since you are very good with books, I will need you to help me over there."

Eva, clearly disappointed, glared at her parents, crossed her shoulders "Are you sure you are not taking me there because that is the safest place out of all the locations so far?"

Aelin gave her sheepish smile "Well....that may have also played a role BUT! I do really need your skills and alsoooo...you do not want to spend time with me?" she gave a small pout at Eva to which the girl sighed but hugged her tightly saying, "Of course I want to help you anddd spend time with you."

But y/n did not pay attention to their conversation. She did not pay any attention to anything as realization dawned upon her. No, No, N-

"Fenrys and y/n. You two will be heading towards The Oracle's Sanctuary. I know the ancient fools there will try to act like you two are below them and their visions but, they need to see the prophecy we found in the book. Their visions and foretelling regarding the future have never failed my ancestors and though I again, have never been there, I trust in those that came before me which is why I am sending you two there."

Y/n wanted to shout out her protests but Fenrys beat her to it "But why us? I mean what does she have to offer that will make it more helpful. Aelin, just send me on my own."

Y/n scoffed loudly as she glared at the blond male and said, "Me? You are judging my skills without even knowing me or seeing me in action? Believe me Fenrys if we get into trouble it will be me who will save your ass."

"I would rather die at the hands of our enemies than let you save me."

"I can fly."

"Not impressed. I can shift into a wolf."

"And do what? Run around until someone catches up with you?"

"You clearly have no idea on what MY powers are so stop acting like you do."

"How ironic. You are doing the same to me! You know what? I won't even waste my energy on a bastard like you. Just pretend that you do not exist."

"You little-"

"Will you two shut up or should we go and fetch some Mead-soaked Berries to eat while watching your banter?"

Aedion's voice cut through their increasingly agressive argument as they both turned to look at the rest of the room with angry glares.

Lysandra was fake coughing to try and hide her laugh, Aedion was smirking like a fool, Elide was hiding behind Lorcan so that they would not see her smile, even Lorcan had an amused expression on his face. Rowan had his arms crossed and both brows raised as he glanced between the two of them. And Aelin had an amused smirk as she said, "Well, sorry you two but there is no other options lef-"

"Yes, there is. Me and Y/n-" Eva stopped herself after a pointed look from Lysandra.

Aelin continued, "I need y/n because she herself is from a different world. Maybe somehow the seeress would be willing to submit more if she saw you-"

"So I am some object to be presented at a market for sale?"

"That is not what I meant. You come from a foreign world. You have wings, which no one here has, and insight into your world. The seer's in there can be....uncooporative if they wish so. That is why, you going there and showing the prophecy would be the best bet we have. Fenrys is coming because he knows those roads, don't you Fenrys? After all, you have visited them twice."

At that, not only y/n, but everyone apart from Aelin turned with a shocked look at the male as he shrugged and said, "I had my reasons. But as you said, they are uncooperative. They did not help me."

"Well, we do not have the luxury of time or second guessing. Everyone go get what you need, pack your essentials. Apart from me, Eva, Rowan and Lorcan you two groups will have the longest road ahead."

Y/n was about to protest when Aelin gave her look that said 'if you want to find a way back to your world, you must help'

And she was right. Y/n had one and only one goal. Get back home. The rest did not matter. They needed to find a way to get her home and to solve the threats coming their way. She can shut up and endure it for just a little bit more and then she would be out of here. For the sake of Prythian. Just ignore Fenrys and it will be alright. He is an uncultured prick who can not hurt her more than he already has. Just get it over with. Be smart. Be cool. Be levelheaded.

These were the chants she kept on retelling herself as she made her way to her room. She first changed out of her current clothes, applied some of the salve Isolde gave her, and then wore some practical gear. She did not know what road she and the-one-who-shall-not-be-named will take, but she guessed that it would be no easy straight path.

Y/n opted for a...you guessed it, a black turtleneck. Combining it with black, tight, leather pants, and knee high, black boots. She did her hair in a way that it won't get in her way and then began packing a small back. An extra turtleneck, a jacket, a flask with water, the salve Isolde gave her, and a few more items later, she went downstairs with her bag slung over her shoulder.

When she arrived at the grand hall, everyone was already there, busying themselves with the weapons that were scattered all over the place. Chaol was also there, although his wife was nowhere to be seen. Probably in her room, busy with deciphering the book.

She walked towards the table that had all kinds of weapons on it. She took a small, dark brown knife holder as she picked two, sharp ended, small knives. She also took the intricately designed bow and arrow. Y/n was always an excellent and precise shooter, being able to shoot her enemy from any distance and angle. She even helped Feyre improve her own shooting skills.

Just as she was about to turn around, her eyes caught on to brass knuckles. Does she really need them? She can punch quite well. But...it wouldn't hurt to have them increase the force of her punch. After contemplating a little more, she took the object and stored it in her knife holder.

Everyone was ready with their weapons. The brute or otherwise known as Fenrys, also had all kinds of weapons strapped to him.

Rowan and Aelin were having their own little moment while Lorcan was clinging and whispering somethings to Elide like a baby duck who just saw their mother for the first time.

Chaol gave them all a small smile as he patted Aedion on his shoulders and said, "Good luck. Me and Yrene will inform you if we find something." then he gave a look to Fenrys and y/n, smirked and said, "Try not to kill each other though."

Y/n smirked back "No promises."

Fenrys just rolled his eyes before Aelin and Rowan came forward. "Remember, if you can not find anything it is alright. Do not stal and waste time, just come back immediately. Be careful, all of you."

Y/n saw concern flash through the queen's eyes before they all started heading out. She felt Fenrys approach her before he said in the most annoyed voice ever, "Give me your hand. I will transport us."

"You mean winnow."

"Transport."

"In Prythian it is not called transport."

"Well, sorry to dissapoint you princess but this is not Prythian."

"Bu-"

"Give me your hand, y/n."

"We can just walk."

"Walk? If we walk there it will take us a whole day to just even cover half of the way. I will take us to the closest location near the sanctuary. But even then, the road ahead will be long but we will have to walk because it is warded and I won't be able to transport so better not to waste our energy walking from now."

"Then you go, I will walk-" y/n yelped as she suddenly felt herself being lifted up, bridal style, as the room around them started disappearing. That arrogant idiot! He did not even listen to her!

The second they arrived at the clearing, y/n threw herself off from his arms.

"You fool! Are you deaf? Who told you that you can touch me?!"

Fenrys, reigning in his anger, calmly responded, "You were wasting our time. I had to do it in order to get us here."

She scoffed and turned away from him. Fenrys tried his hardest not laugh when he saw her shock and wonder as she took in the place.

He meant it when he said the place is protected by ancient magic so strong, no one could break its wards. So, he brought them as close as he could to the road. But even from here, they would most likely spend three days trying to get to and from the sanctuary.

The place they were in was a small, circular, open area covered in grass and moss. However, this place was surrounded by a dense forest. When he turned his face to the right, he saw the road that they would take. He knew that path and what it held.

This ancient road winds through dense forests, where gnarled trees twist like guardians keeping watch over secrets long buried. Moss-covered stones line the path, their inscriptions faded with time and whispered tales of travelers who sought wisdom from the Oracle. As you tread deeper into the wilderness, the air grows thick with a sense of otherworldly presence, and faint echoes of prophetic murmurs seem to guide your way. Eventually, the path opens into a clearing bathed in ethereal light, revealing the towering spires of the Oracle's Sanctuary rising against the horizon, beckoning those brave enough to seek answers amid the swirling mists of fate.

He looked at y/n as he said, "Welcome to The Whispering Path."

Y/n turned back at him and asked, curiosity and a bit of fear evident in her voice, "We....we take this road? Are you sure?"

He smirked. The little fireball was scared. Good.

"Giving up already princess?"

She came closer to him and Fenrys was once again buried in her addictive scent. Although she was way shorter than him, she still somehow managed to look down on him as she said, "If you think this is enough to scare me away, then your only skill is fighting not thinking because you clearly are an idiot."

His smirk only widened as he pushed past her and began his way towards the path, not looking back. "If you say so, princess."

She will regret her words in just an hour.

He heard her loudly stomp her feet on the ground as she followed him.

Nearly two hours later, the forest path stretched endlessly before them, twisting and turning through ancient groves where the canopy overhead blocked out the sun's warm rays. The air grew cooler, carrying with it a dampness that clung to their clothes and skin. Shadows deepened beneath the towering trees, their trunks gnarled and knotted like the veins of the earth itself.

Each step seemed to echo softly, as if the forest itself held its breath, watching their progress with unseen eyes. The sound of rustling leaves and distant animal calls added to the eerie atmosphere, creating a sense of isolation despite their group's closeness. Occasional beams of fading sunlight pierced through gaps in the foliage, casting fleeting patches of golden light on the forest floor.

They pressed on, guided by the faint sense of purpose that drew them deeper into the heart of the woods. The Whispering Path seemed to weave its own tale, a narrative of mysteries waiting to be uncovered amidst the looming darkness.

Fenrys saw from his peripheral vision how she would keep one hand on the knife sheathed in her belt. How every sound, small or big, would steal a reaction from her. A gasp, a sharp turn of her head, knife in her hand. It was so unusual how he did not find her frustrating here. During their walk, they exchanged only two sentences. Are we there yet? and No.

But still, he, for some foolish reason, felt drawn to her because even if he did not show it, his eyes would constantly find her for a second, make sure she is well and then immediately look forward before she realizes it.

It was an hour after sunset when Fenrys finally stopped and said, "We are halfway there. We rest here until sunrise and by then we will be moving once again. Hopefully, by the afternoon, we will be able to reach the sanctuary."

He did not wait for a response from her as he put his bag down and began taking off some of his weapons.

"I...where or how will we sleep?"

"On the grass, by putting out extra clothing under our heads as pillow."

She gave him a confused look "Why couldn't we just bring sleeping mats or something?"

There she goes again with her annoying questions. Honestly why does he never have any luck? Why is it that he has to be stuck with someone as infuriating as her?

Just ignore her. Sharpen your knives. Ignore her so you do not have to snap back at her or take your anger out on her. Ignore her so you do not have to look into those hypnotizing eyes. Ignore her so...so that you do not have to look at that beautiful face. At those tempting lip-

"Hello? Have you gone deaf already?"

With a sigh, he looked up to see her standing there with her arms crossed. "Why take on extra weight? It would only waste our time. Just sleep on the ground or...have you never done that before?"

She scoffed. "Of course I have. I am going to find some wood. We need fire."

One secon he was sitting, and in the next, Fenrys was holding her wrist as he said, "No fire. This place is packed with creatures far worse than your imagination. The second they see the light coming from the fire, or atleast smell it, they will know that they are not alone so unless you want to be ripped into pieces and feasted on, we are staying in the dark."

She ripped her arm from him, gave him a glare, and went to take somethings out of her bag.

Fenrys sighed, tilted his head backwards and looked up at the tall trees covering the sky. It is like she insists on being a headache.

If he thinks he can order around he is about to be surprised. She is only keeping quiet out of fear for their safety. Once they are out of here, y/n will make sure to give her a piece of her min-

"What are you doing?"

She stopped. Turned around to look at him. Still sitting on the same spot, sharpening his knife and not looking at her. Or maybe he is pretending to ignore her. Y/n could not care less.

"What are you talking about?"

"Why do you have a healing salve and Sylvan leaves?"

He knows of these things? How? Did his injuries at some point also require these exact remedies? Did Isolde teach him? How is he even seeing her right now? She can barely make out his silhouette.

"You have definitely gone mad now. I am doing noth-"

She saw his head snap up at that. Saw how he put away whatever weapon he was sharpening.

"Do not test me y/n. Why do you need those things?"

"And who are you exactly? Last I checked, I do not owe you any explanations regarding anything that I do."

In the blink of an eye, he was right infront of her. There was some distance between them still. Thank The Mother. Honestly, he needs to stop this. She has had enough of not being able to know his next move.

He took slow steps towards her as she took slow steps back. "Come to think of it, why are you wearing a turtleneck? It is very hot nowadays."

Were those her hands sweating? The temperature here is cool so why was she sweating? "I wear it because I like it."

He was still walking closer towards her. "Hmmm, and I suppose it is also why you always wear long sleeves? What are you hiding y/n?"

She tried. She really tried to sound brave but her voice betrayed her as she said in a shaky tone, "None of your business."

That was it. He was right in front of her and she was pressed against a tree. Or was it a large boulder? She had no idea. Breathing became difficult. He was literally nose to nose with her. Why was it so hot?

"Atleast tell me why you wear a turtleneck."

"No."

"Very well then."

Really? He really just agreed? It seems so. He released his grip on her, turned around and started walking away. Y/n released a sigh. Finally-

In the flash of a light, Fenrys had her pinned against the tree again as he quickly pulled down her turtleneck.

"NO-"

But it was too late and her smaller hands were nothing against his firm grip on her. She could not push him away.

She saw it all in slow motion. His reactions, starting from realization going all the way up to anger was written all over his face as her bruised neck was presented to him.

She could only whisper a meek "Please,"

His nostrils flared, even in the dark she saw how his onyx eyes got even darker. His grip on her tightened as he released a low growl.

"Who did this to you?"

She could not answer. She was lost for words. Oh Cauldron boil-

"Y/n. I am not playing around answer the damned question."

"No, Fenr-"

"Who. Did. This. To. You."

"I can not tell you."

"And why is that?"

Because it is your close friend. Y/n knew he was only worried because he felt like he had to be her protector, like she was his job, his team mate until they left this forest and he sent her back to her house. He did not truly care for her, but even then, she could not tell him and cause trouble between him and his companion.

"No one of importance."

"Do not lie-"

She used all her strength to push him away.

"Leave me alone Fenrys! I said it is none of your business so go mind your own fucking job. I myself will deal with the one who did this to me."

"As you wish."

He turned around and went back to his side, lay down and turned his back to her.

For some reason, y/n felt like he would find whoever did this to her because what he said did not sound like he was letting the matter go at all.

Morning came once again. After having a poor breakfast of whatever they could find in their bags, they were on the way again. He did not speak to her and she preferred it to be this way. She did not think that after their small argument, she wanted to hear his voice.

Five hours of silence later, they reached what looked like another clearing. However, this one looked nothing like the previous ones. Soft, natural lights flickered amidst the foliage, casting a gentle glow that illuminated the surrounding area with an ethereal warmth. Fireflies danced in lazy spirals, their tiny bioluminescent bodies creating a mesmerizing display that seemed to guide them forward.

As they stepped into the clearing, the air hummed with a palpable energy, tinged with anticipation and reverence. Ancient trees encircled the space like silent sentinels, their branches adorned with shimmering vines that sparkled as if touched by starlight. A tranquil stream meandered through the glade, its crystal-clear waters reflecting the moon's silvery gaze.

In the center of the clearing stood the first glimpse of their destination: the Oracle's Sanctuary. Its architecture defied conventional design, blending seamlessly with the natural surroundings. Tall pillars of intricately carved stone rose toward the heavens, supporting a domed roof that seemed to embrace the sky itself. Soft, haunting melodies drifted through the air, sung by unseen voices that spoke of forgotten truths and timeless wisdom.

As they approached the entrance, a sense of reverence settled over them, mingled with a quiet apprehension. They exchanged knowing glances, acknowledging the weight of their purpose. The journey had been long and hard, yet here they stood at the threshold of destiny, ready to seek the Oracle's guidance and unravel the cryptic clues that awaited within.

"Why is this place so empty? I mean, shouldn't there be guards? or some servants?"

"The seers are not attached to worldly desires. They have let go. That means, it is only them and their souls, connecting witth their surroundings. Besides, they are too ancient and powerful to need any protection or help. Atleast that is what the books said."

Before they could go any further and reach the entrance, Fenrys stopped her. She turned her head around and gave him a puzzled look. "I have been here twice. Neither of those times I got any help. I never even saw their faces. They did not deem me worthy to appear apparently. So I should warn you, it is possible we come out of here with absolutely nothing."

Y/n did not know what it was within her that made her say "You are worthy, Fenrys. Do not let a bunch of old people tell you otherwise."

She saw the surprise and quick gratitude on his face before he turned his head sideways and said, "Well then. Let us hope that the third time is the charm."

Inside the Oracle's Sanctuary, every corner whispered of ancient secrets and the weight of prophecy. The main chamber was a symphony of light and shadow, illuminated by softly glowing orbs suspended from the vaulted ceiling. Shafts of daylight filtered through stained glass windows depicting scenes of celestial alignment and the weaving of fate.

The walls were adorned with tapestries depicting the cycles of the moon, the dance of stars, and the rise and fall of empires. Runes and symbols, both familiar and arcane, were etched into the stone floor, their meanings lost to all but the most learned scholars and seers.

At the heart of the sanctuary, a circular pool shimmered with a surface as smooth as polished glass. Around the pool, low benches and cushions invited visitors to gather in contemplation or prayer.

Books and scrolls lined shelves carved into the walls, their leather bindings cracked with age yet holding within them knowledge that spanned epochs. Dust motes danced in the beams of light that filtered through the chamber, giving the impression of a place frozen in time yet vibrantly alive with the whispers of prophecy.

"Well, this place certainly seems like it has been used."

"Yes. Apparently not when I was here though."

"So what now? How do we call upon them? Do we just wait?"

Fenrys shrugged but looked away "When I came here I...I begged. I hoped they would answer me but...this room stayed just as empty. And I was here for 5 hours."

Y/n hummed in understanding before turning around to find a way for these seer's to appear when she felt otherworldly magic fill the room.

Then, out of nowhere, in the dim recesses of the Oracle's Sanctuary, the seers emerged like living embodiments of the cosmos' secrets. Their forms are ethereal and ever-changing, blending seamlessly with the shifting energies of the sanctuary itself. Each seer appears as a shimmering figure of translucent mist, veiled in robes that seem to be woven from the threads of time.

Though their presence is otherworldly and their nature elusive, the seers possess an innate understanding of the threads that bind fate together. They move with a grace that defies mortal comprehension, their movements guided by unseen forces.

Their eyes, glowing orbs of iridescent light, reflect the constellations that dance across the heavens. Wisps of starlight swirl within their fluid forms, pulsating with the ebb and flow of cosmic energies.

When they speak, their voices resonate with echoes of distant galaxies and forgotten epochs, carrying the weight of prophecy and the wisdom of ages past.

"Y/n Y/l/n the Iron Phoenix. The Winged Fury."

"Fenrys Moonbeam. The White Wolf of Doranelle."

"Come forward."

Why did they all talk at once?

So, not humans then. Nope. Definitely not mortals. But powerful enough to kill them in the blink of an eye.

She shared a look with Fenrys before they both came forward and each sat on one of the cushions.

Y/n and Fenrys awaited in respectful silence, their eyes trained on the shimmering figures of the seers. The seers, in turn, regarded them with a knowing gaze that seemed to penetrate beyond flesh and bone, delving into the depths of their souls where destinies were written and fates were entwined.

Their gazes were trained on her. "You are searching for a way home."

Y/n sighed as she replied, "Yes."

"This world is in grave danger."

It was Fenrys' turn to sigh as he replied, "We know. Which is why we come to ask for your help. For a way on how we may bring an end to it before it escalates."

Y/n put her hand inside her pocket to retrieve the paper containing the prophecy when one of the seers said, "The prophecy you have uncovered foretells of a time when shadows will seek to shroud the light once more. It speaks of cycles and destinies intertwined, where the fate of worlds rests in the hands of a chosen few."

Y/n hid her shock. How do they already know what she wanted to show?

"The Book of Breathings holds a secret that transcends its physical form. It is indeed a key--a Wyrdkey, if you will--capable of unlocking gates to realms beyond. These gates are not merely pathways; they are thresholds that, once opened, threaten to destabilize the delicate balance of our universe."

A mournful expression passed over Fenrys' face before he said, "We dealt with this three years ago. Aelin closed the gates. Why are they opening now?"

The seers regarded Fenrys with a solemn understanding, their luminous forms pulsating with a subtle energy as they responded to his question.

"The closing of the gates by Aelin Galathynius was a triumph, but prophecy is often a tapestry woven with threads of inevitability and cyclical patterns," one seer explained, her voice carrying the weight of millennia. "The gates, once sealed, are not immune to the ebb and flow of cosmic forces. The actions of mortals and the machinations of darker powers can unsettle even the most fortified barriers."

Fenrys nodded, his expression grave. "So, despite our victory, the threat persists," he concluded, his voice tinged with frustration.

"The Valg are relentless," another seer added, her gaze distant yet focused. "Their thirst for dominion knows no bounds. They seek weaknesses in the fabric of reality, exploiting any opportunity to breach the gates and unleash chaos upon the realms."

Y/n furrowed her brows as she said gently, "But, if I am correct, didn't Aelin loose all her power? How is she going to close the gates once more? How is it related to her?"

"The prophecy speaks of a chosen few," one seer intoned, her gaze fixed upon Y/n with a depth of knowing that transcended mortal comprehension. "In the heart of a queen, strength resides, but it is not Aelin Galathynius, who holds the key to closing the gates."

She saw Fenrys' brows furrow in surprise, his mind clearly grappling with the revelation.

Y/n herself felt a surge of anticipation mixed with trepidation. "Then who?" Fenrys pressed, his voice a mixture of curiosity and concern.

"It is Y/n Y/l/n, the Stormbreaker," another seer declared, her luminous eyes locking onto Y/n's with a clarity that bespoke centuries of foresight. "The Braveheart who carries the essence of fire and fate within her."

Y/n's breath caught in her throat as the weight of destiny settled upon her shoulders. "But why me?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. She heard Fenrys inhale sharply.

She must be going mad. There was no way she was destined to be the one to lock the gates. What about her going home? Her plans, they were doomed.

"The Book of Breathings chose you as its bearer, guiding you across realms to fulfill a destiny entwined with the fate of worlds. You possess a unique connection to the Wyrdkeys and the ability to unlock the gates that threaten to unravel the fabric of existence."

"W-what kind of abilities and con-connections?"

"You possess a unique resonance with the Wyrdkeys," another seer explained, her luminous eyes fixed upon Y/n with unwavering clarity. "The Book of Breathings recognized within you the potential to wield its power, to navigate the currents of time and space, and to restore balance where darkness threatens to prevail."

Fenrys, sitting beside Y/n, interjected with a note of concern. "And how does she return?" he asked, his gaze shifting between Y/n and the seers.

The seers exchanged a knowing glance before one responded, "The Book of Breathings is both a key and a gateway. It holds within its pages the knowledge to traverse the realms it unlocks. Through understanding and mastery, Y/n can harness its power to return to her world."

"And why must I close the gates?" she pressed, her voice tinged with determination.

"The gates, once opened, threaten to disrupt the delicate tapestry of existence," the third seer replied, her presence shimmering with a quiet intensity. "They are thresholds through which chaos and darkness seek entry. Only by closing them can the realms be safeguarded, ensuring the balance upon which all life depends."

"You have to decipher the Book of Breathings, harness its power to return, close the gates and with that, go home."

She was beyond frustrated now. "I don't understand. I DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

"You may be angry now y/n y/l/n, and you may be desperate to go to the home you believe in, but within the echoes of ancient whispers, home calls to hearts entwined by threads unseen. The Book of Breathings, a key to realms veiled in mystery, beckons you to paths yet unwalked. Mate not in the flesh but in the resonance of shared destinies. Greatness lies not in the blaze of glory but in the quiet moments where choices shape the stars' dance and futures intertwine."

It was Fenrys' turn to be frustrated as he said, "What on earth does that even mean?"

"Y/n y/l/n, your secret, the one you hide and cherish with all your soul, the one that you understood on an even more intimate level in the crystal caverns-"

"That is enough." She needed to leave. Now. Too much information was thrown at them all at once. To say she was pissed, would be an understatement. These old hags think they know it all, including her deepest secret. Besides, she did not need a reminder on what happened that night in the caverns.

The seers said nothing as they began slowly disappearing.

A look of contemplation passed over the Fenrys' face before he asked quickly, "Why did you not show up when I begged for your help?!"

A faint shimmer of light flickered where the seers had stood, as if they were considering his question before offering a response.

"Our sight extends across the tapestry of time," one of the seers finally answered, their voice gentle yet firm. "At times, the threads of fate must unravel naturally for destinies to align as intended. Your path demanded growth and resilience, lessons that could only be learned through your own journey."

And with that, they disappeared, seemingly leaving both Fenrys and y/n confused.

As they left the sanctuary, neither of them spoke. Both too lost in thoughts of their own regarding what they just learned. Y/n was grateful for the silence. Her mind was about to burn out due to all the thinking she was doing. So much revealed in one sitting. What on earth is she to think of it?

As night dawned upon them once more, they quietly ate their meals and layed on their sides of the grass and turned their bodies away from one another. But she could not sleep. How could she? After all that she learned it would be impossible.

"What will we do? What will you do?"

She heard his silent question but did not answer. She did not have an answer to give.

Instead, she whispered, "Why did you go there twice? Why did you beg?"

She did not think that he would answer her. But, to her surprise, she heard him sigh before saying, "The first time was for my two brothers. Gavriel and Connall. It was after the war and...and they both were killed during it. I wanted to know if I could trade my life with theirs. I...I believed they deserved it more than I ever could. The second time was a year later when I was going through horrible things. I was confused. I still am. I wanted guidance, I wanted help, advice, anything to tell me know who I am and how I can find my purpose in life again. But, as you heard, I was not answered. I stopped coming here since then."

Y/n turned around. "Fenrys, look at me."

He slowly turned around until they were facing each other on the grass.

She took a deep breath and gently whispered to him. "You are lost. Your grief is understandable. Your pain is understandable. What you are going through is understandable. We all have our own hidden troubles, nightmares or secrets that we must overcome on our own. But do not for one second, blame yourself for anyone's death. I may have not gotten the chance to meet either of them but, I know that they would never wish for you to want such things. They sacrificed themselves for you and your people. Do not let their sacrifice be in vain by trying to talk down on yourself. By trying to wish for a different end."

Her hands were itching to touch his handsome face, to move those few strands of hair behind his ear.

Fenrys gave her a small, sad smile. "What about you? The oracle said you had your secrets too. What is the crystal caverns?"

Y/n sighed as she turned around and lay flat on her back, staring up at the large trees covering her view of the night sky. "I do not know anything anymore Fenrys. Sometimes, I wish to be living in a tiny village or Island where no one knows of me. Where I am free of everything and anything."

She felt him come closer to her as the heat of his body started enveloping her. "Seems like we both share the same dream then."

For the first time since coming here, y/n genuinely smiled as she turned around and faced Fenrys or rather, his chest because of how close they had gotten.

But she did not care. Just for tonight, she would not care. So, she snuggled closer to his chest as the feeling of serenity washed over her, gently guiding her to unconsciousness.

What she failed to see however, was how Fenrys looked down at her with a small smile as he too, promised himself that this was just for a night. That they both needed comfort after all that they heard. And so, he carefully put his arm around her waist and hugged her closer to him as he too, descended into dreamland.

When morning came once more, y/n awoke to find herself in the embrace of the male she usually hates. For some reason, right at that moment when he was still deep in sleep, when the sunlight peeking through the dense leaves highlighted his face in ethereal glow, y/n felt nothing but care for him.

But, it all changed when he opened his eyes. Y/n immediately turned bright red as she pushed away from his arms, blabbering excuses, "Um...I-I....yeah um-"

But it was all cut off when a piercing sound was heard from above. They both immediately got to their feet as y/n had her bow and arrow in her hand, ready to shoot whatever it was. But it was after the second roar that Fenrys widened his eyes and ran forward. Y/n, surprised and confused, ran after him. They stopped at a place where the branches of the trees were not as densely packed and they could see a little bit of the sky.

From what she saw, y/n wondered if she fell and hit her head somewhere. Because what on earth was this? A large, black, lizard like thing with wings similar to hers flew over them. She heard Fenrys chuckle as he turned and looked towards her. "Manon and Abraxos are finally here."

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[saulgoodman369]

I think people don't talk enough about how Charlie and Alastor are parallels to each other.

Let's keep in mind, Vivziepop has gone on to say Alastor and Charlie are the main characters of the series, and their relationship & growth is a huge plot point in the show. They are not only the faces of the series, their dynamic is the focal point of what constitutes redemption from two different perspectives.

They're literally narrative foils to each other. In order for this foil dynamic to work, Charlie has to be what Alastor once was, while Alastor has to be what Charlie can become.

Alastor upholds principles of traditional punitive justice. A "serial killer" dubbed a vigilante in his living years, enforcing his theory of justice through retribution rather than rehabilitation. Retribution to Alastor is not a black and white solution, but as a vigilante he believes punishment should be administered because the offender deserves it. Notice how he has it out for people in Hell who he considers flawed in some way (Lucifer, Overlords, loansharks). His idea of punishment must be proportionate to the crime committed-- "an eye for an eye" -- he is otherwise fairly cordial and, if we're looking at the women in his life, pretty protective of who he considers innocent to a fault. This explains why Alastor does not believe in redemption. To him, everybody in Hell, EVEN HIMSELF, are there as punishment for a reason and he gives NO excuse why he nor they should be spared.

Note: this has nothing to do with Hell's hierarchy or the fact Alastor wants to climb the ranks in a power hungry system. He doesn't believe in redemption, and he does not believe in his own redemption.

Now, let's look at Charlie and her idea of justice. Charlie believes in restorative justice, which hugely contrasts Alastor's philosophy. Restorative justice is approached by focusing on repairing the harm caused by unjust systems and criminal behaviour through participatory exercises which involve the victim, the offender, and the community. The purpose is to address the harm caused to the victims and discuss with the community over the responsibility of the offender in order to make amends.

In this process, Charlie believes involving all stakeholders are needed to bring about justice. Restorative justice requires offenders to confront their actions and go through a rehabilitation process, which is the entire point of Charlie's hotel. This is why she encourages healthy activities in order to fix criminals (sinners) and lead them back into society (Heaven).

This contrast in ethics from both Alastor and Charlie is immediately told to us in the pilot episode, where Alastor admits he doesn't believe in redemption (inside of every demon is a lost cause). Charlie explains she believes everyone deserves a chance at it (inside of every demon is a rainbow).

Alastor's strength in this response is that it upholds the rule of law, and in a funny way it's quite similar to Adam and Heaven's views (think of it as a criminal and a police officer having the same view on justice). Alastor's weaknesses in this perspective enable the cycle of abuse as it does not aim to care about any of the parties' needs as a result of being harmed, or addressing what caused this behaviour.

Charlie's strengths lie in her holistic approach to redemption. She believes through this response she can hold the sinners' accountable by addressing their needs, healing their trauma, and thus repairing their relationship with the community. Her weaknesses are her naivity and struggling to apply harsh judgement on severe crimes.

This is why Alastor and Charlie need each other. They make up for what the other lacks, and through a solid friendship they can learn a lot from one another.

It's a tale as old as time with narrative foils, as I mentioned above. One must see themselves in the other. One must embody what the other can become. Alastor sees a pure, younger version of himself in Charlie, but he thinks she's silly and naive because he has been jaded and has lived a life entirely different from hers. Still, her gentleness could reach him. On the other side, Alastor is cunning and smart; he's willing to enforce punishment on who believes is deserving of it. Charlie is frightened of hurting others, but Alastor as her mentor can teach her to become stronger.

Alastor and Charlie need each other.

[yannaryartside]

Carmy will have to decide between two types of love

I keep thinking about why Carmy (possibly) deciding between Claire and Syd is taking so much time on the overall plot of the series. We have used a entire season of him falling for Claire, and my theory is that in this season the Syd vs Claire is gonna be toe to toe, and then in the final season he goes for Syd.

Now, if that happens this way, I have been analysing it from a writers perspectives, how this love stories create Carmen ultimate character arc. I am gonna propose to you two narratives and why I would go for the later. Character analysis ahead.

The Claire option

Walk with me here. If you ship Claire and Carmy and believe the trailers, you could say this whole thing is about Carmy learning to accept love and good things. That is why the last season ended with him rejecting the relationship out of trauma just to realize that Claire loved him. This season could be about him healing to a point where he learns he deserves love, apologizing to Claire, and getting back together. And you know what, that does make sense, writing this show as an exercise for learning to heal childhood wounds. It is clean and makes sense. Then in s4 his new self can make all the good decisions, have a couple of kids, bum you have an arc.

But the background noise, or the clues floating around, to call it something, doesn't make sense. Here insert all the Sydcarmy clues the fandom has talked about.

The show is trying to tell us that Claire is the love Carmy wants because he is trapped in his wounded self mentality.

As I said in this post, Claire's behavior looked extremely naive but manipulative sometimes. Her relationship with his family and the trauma surrounding it. How everybody seems more enthusiastic than him about the relationship at times.

The reason: the wound.

Claire is uncomplicated love, love with no expectations or boundaries, with only space for his needs, never hers. That is the kind of love a child expects from a parent. My theory is that Carmen, being with Claire, wanted to experience that kind of love, the one he didn't get from Donna. with a touch of his teen self fantasies and sex included.

And that also makes sense. Everybody that has been abused, particularly in childhood, will tell you that picking a partner without relying on your wounded self is very difficult.

A little bit of TMI on healing from abuse when you look for a romantic partner: One of the reasons I got into therapy is because I was terrified to end up marrying a man as abusive as my dad was with my mom and me. I had a problematic episode with one of my exboyfriends that made me realize I was repeating specific patterns, even when consciously, I thought I was picking men who didn't act like my father. It is something difficult precisely because you are not aware of it. It is all happening subconsciously.

So maybe that is why the writers want to give Carmen the chance to choose a partner as a healed person (Syd) and not as a wounded person desperate for love (Claire)

You cannot choose a romantic partner looking for the love of a parent, because parent to child love is the only type of unconditional love that can exist. Some therapist will tell you that the only way to cure that lack is with self love and forgiveness, but that is besides the point of this post.

Romantic relationships cannot be unconditional, it is a partnership. There needs to be expectations of grow, sacrifices and compromises, the two people need to get their needs met. You may heal together, but you partner may trigger your wounds sometimes, the same as your other relationships.

Syd definitely forces Carmy to evolve, while Claire enables him and keeps him in his past self.

Now here is where I think the twist of the series will come.

Remember when I said that Carmys core wound is ther he felt he was not good enough for Donna to love him? Because he could not be like Michael? This is the post

Syd is Carmy’s anchor and his peace. She is also characterized as someone who helps people to grow, who gives grace and sincerity when mistakes are made. She is the actually healthy woman/parent he never experienced.

Carmen has not healed his core wound. The lie he believes that he has to go the extra mile to earn people's love. The way he became the best chef in the world, dreaming of just getting a “good job” from his older brother.

But because his wounded self doesn't feel like he can be enough for somebody he actually wants (Syd), he felt for a woman that didn't asked anything of him (Claire).

That (never giving but always receiving) dynamic is what allowed Carmy to accept the relationship in the first place.

Thinking of all this made me realize that not only has Syd been the only person Carmy had chosen for himself (as other posts have brilliantly pointed out), but Syd is literally the only person who can make a relationship with him work. She had seen the worst of him (Donna) and had the capacity to make him think of himself beyound all that, hence the peace that she brings him “you are the best cdc” as in “you are great, you are good, a good partner, a good leader, you are my friend” you are not just the bear (your wounded self). He smiles because the person that he wants can see this even if he doesn't dare to belive it yet.

So I don't know how they could make Carmy realize all of this. I also could be wrong and the meaning of all of this could be something completly different. I also don't know of this opinion is controversial. Let me know what you think. Thank you for reading.

[mineonmain]

Thanks to @flootweed for the inspiration, I just had to make it👬🏳️‍🌈💛

[weareuniqueandimportant]

EH... THAT WAS A PRETTY WORTHLESS 5 HOURS... THE COMMENTS ARE ALL VIRGINS... SOMEONE NUTTED OR SOMETHING THINKING THAT WILL ASSERT SUPERIORITY ON HER OR SOMETHING LOL... ABUSER BIGOT LOSER CRYING STOP TAKING THE THING THEY TAKE SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY WHILE TAKING THIS VIDEO SERIOUSLY... SHE'S WORTHLESS HERSELF... ONLY OUR FEELINGS MATTER NOTHING ELSE IS RELEVANT... THIS IS SO BORING AND BIGOTED... SHE'S SUPER LAME... HARUMI IS THE VICTIM TBH... THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE ALL EVIL ALL THE BIGOTED THINGS ABUSER BIGOT LIKE THE SERIES... THEM OR OVERLORD THAT DOESN'T MATTER WHO'S THE ONE MANIPULATING HER... WHICH BTW IS WHAT THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE DOING... AS IS EVERY SINGLE ABUSER FAN OF THIS EVIL CARTOON... WE WILL WATCH ANOTHER EPISODE ONLY ONCE THEY PUSH THESE LOSERS TO THE SIDE AND SAY THIS STORY ISN'T ABOUT THEM ANYMORE WHILE INTRODUCING SOME LOVELY BRAND NEW MARY SUES THAT REPRESENT EVERYTHING IN A WOMAN SHE CLEARLY DESPISES... SHE'S A MISOGYNIST HERSELF... INFACT A SEXIST BIGOT QUEERPHOBIC BIGOT ABLEIST SANIST PARAPHOBIC RACIST ALL THE BIGOTED THINGS ABUSER BIGOT... I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S ITEMPHOBIA TBH... AND THIS ENTIRE MESS WAS ALWAYS DESTINED TO BECOME ONE... THAT'S WHERE EVERYTHING BEGINS... CAPITALISM... THE COMPANY... THE WRITERS... THE PEOPLE THAT APPROVED THEM... WHATEVER THEY BASED THIS ON... THEY NEVER CONSIDERED ANY GROUP... THEY NEVER CARED ABOUT ANYONE... THEY DIDN'T PLAN ANYTHING FOR THESE LACKING CHARACTERS AND ONCE THEY ADD THINGS TO THEM THEY JUST KEEP GETTING MORE AND MORE SEXIST... HER FAVORITE SEASON IS ASS HER FAVORITE CHARACTER MOMENTS ARE ASS... TORWARDS THE END OUR EMOTIONS WATCHING WERE MURDERED THEY DIED THEY WERE NO LONGER THERE... WHAT HAPPENED WITH OTHER CAPITALIST CASHGRABS LIKE THOSE MARVEL MOVIES... THAT HAVE NOTHING WOKE ABOUT THEM TBH BESIDES THE BANGER THE MARVELS... A NARRATIVE ABOUT HOW YOU SHOULDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING BECAUSE ABUSER BIGOT DON'T WANT YOU TO...

[lassieposting]

Been thinking a lot lately about romanced Astarion post-spawn ending.

Because like. The Funnest™ thing about cptsd is how much of it gets delayed. When you're trapped in a lengthy, ongoing traumatic situation, you do not have the ability to process and start healing your mental wounds. Your brain and body go into survival mode, and all that matters in the moment is that you somehow cope with the horrors. He wouldn't have been able to even begin dealing with the physical, mental and emotional toll of two hundred years of torture, brutalization and dehumanization while he was under Cazador's control; he is in constant danger, surrounded by sharks in the water, and survival means not letting them smell blood. He can't afford to fall apart, to show weakness. He is shockingly functional and competent in-game, partly because he has to be to work as a game character, but also partly because...it do be like that, to some degree. When death, for whatever reason, is not an option, you just have to shut down and keep going. People adapt in order to survive, and when we learn that showing an "injury" (physical or psychological) only gets us punished, we learn to hide it.

Early-game Astarion is terrified - of Cazador, of Godey, of being hunted down by his siblings, of being staked or sold off at the first opportunity by Tav and the other companions, of turning into a mindflayer, of another painful transformation, of losing himself when he's only just regained his autonomy after two centuries, of what Cazador will do to him if he ever finds him - the man is overwhelmed by fear. He's on thin ice as a vampire, and he's not going to give them any more reason to want him gone. Survival instinct is still in control, and in this new situation, crafting some fragile safety for himself means not only selling his body for protection, but also being useful. Clear-headed. Good in a fight.

Endgame Astarion finds himself in a completely different situation. The time-sensitive overarching threats - Cazador and impending ceremorphosis - have been dealt with. He has a loving, supportive partner he's really starting to feel safe with - Tav/Durge has proved that they're on his side, that their affection is genuine, that they don't just want him for the one thing he's been told he's good for. They've told him they're going to help him find a workaround for his sun allergy. He's getting fed regularly. He has time to stop, and breathe, and just. Recuperate.

For the first time in 200 years, he is safe.

And it will probably take a while to catch up, during which time he will seem to be coping really well, but at some point, his brain is going to realise that he's safe, and it's going to finally start processing the sheer fucking horror he's been through. Since I haven't seen anyone talking about this particular fun aspect of cptsd, allow me to offer u some thoughts on issues Astarion and Tav might end up dealing with in the months/years postgame, during the

✨ Delayed Trauma Response ✨

Memory Gaps: Astarion realising, as he opens up to Tav, that there are entire years or decades of his life from which he has only a handful of memories. Great big blank stretches where he has no idea where he was, who he was with, what was happening to him. Some of the gaps cover years at a time where he was so dissociated and shut down that he just didn't retain any memories of what was going on around him. Some are shorter periods of particularly horrific torture that his brain has deliberately blocked out to protect him.

Recovered Memories: At some point, years into the future when he's done A Lot of healing, he might find that every now and then, a fragment of those lost memories will unexpectedly come back to him. He'll catch a particular scent on the breeze, or overhear a specific phrase in the street, or cross paths with someone whose face is oddly familiar, and he'll get a glimpse of an acute horror he'd filed neatly away where it couldn't hurt him anymore. He very rarely remembers all the context to those flashes of his past. He might recall that he was punished, but not what he was punished for, or he might remember words spoken by a greedy conquest, but be unable to recall the man's face.

Dissociation: Tav knows going into this relationship that Astarion has basically made an art out of dissociating during sex. They also know, from their shared encounter with the drow twins, that he's not great at enforcing his own boundaries - he'll always say he'll speak up and back out if he stops having fun, but in practice he rarely does; he's not used to having the option of saying no to his partner, and being punished if he tries. So they know there's going to be some practice and experimentation and negotiation necessary there, to figure out the rough limits of his comfort zone. But once he starts really processing, there may be days where he just checks out completely. Tav will touch his shoulder, and he'll startle and apologise - "Terribly sorry, darling, I was miles away for a moment there." And Tav will gently point out that he's been sat in the same spot vacantly staring into the middle distance for hours. They've been checking in on him occasionally and this is the first time he's responded. It's unsettling, to say the least.

Lost Time: Astarion was very young when he was turned, physically mature but emotionally juvenile. He was basically an overgrown teenager, in the phase of life where elves are just starting to learn who they are and what they want, and figure out their place in the world. But he never got to do that, because he spent his formative young adult years in a world where everyone became an abuser, where his only means of surviving was to smile and charm and obey while even his basic human dignity was stripped away. He learned that communication is based on manipulation. He learned that the powerful can do whatever they like to the weak. He learned an incredibly toxic, abusive way of life, and that was his family dynamic, his everyday life, for as long as he can remember. Now that he's free and safe, he's realising that the world doesn't actually work that way and that he's now far behind even shorter-lived races in social/emotional development. He's grieving for the person he could've been. He's grieving for the life he could've lived. He's grieving for all the years he already lost, and the ones he'll lose in the future as he flounders to catch up. A decent chunk of his life was stolen from him, and that's time he will never get back.

Flashbacks & Night Terrors: Specifically the kind where your brain convinces you that an injury you had a long time ago is actually an injury you have (or are receiving) right now. There are nights where he'll wake Tav in a panic, because his back feels like it's on fire, he can feel every freshly-carved wound dripping blood and he's in so much pain he doesn't know what else to do. If Tav looks, they see nothing out of the ordinary - old, long-healed scars, same as always. But the pain and the fear and the distress are all very real to him, and all they can do is try to comfort him, cover his back with cool damp cloths or healing salves, remind him he's safe now and they're not leaving him.

Boundary Shifting: Sometimes, Tav can come up and hug him from behind, and he'll melt into them a little bit and go all soft and happy. Other times, he might flinch away or go rigid at the same gesture. A lot of the time, it really depends on how he's feeling on the day, but at least a little bit of it is deliberate - he's pushing to find the limit of just how much autonomy Tav is willing to give him. He wants to know at what point they'll stop respecting his "no". Will they accept it if he doesn't want a hug? If he wants to sleep in his own room tonight? At what point will understanding turn to anger at being rejected? From the drow twins four/fivesome, we also know he's got a tendency to push his own boundaries, and jump into things he's actually not ready for, and Tav would be the one holding his hand through the fallout as he tries to figure out what his own boundaries even are.

Frustration! So, so much frustration. He wants to be Over It already. He wants to move past everything that ever happened to him and never think about it again. He hates that Cazador still has a grip on him, even in death - he doesn't want to give the bastard the satisfaction of dwelling on all his punishments, his cruelties. Sometimes, that frustration is going to explode outwards at Tav - he'll get angry at them for coddling him, or find something small to start a fight over, or he'll set an unreasonable boundary and try to defend it because he's still learning what healthy boundaries look like. Sometimes, it will implode inwards, and that won't be about Tav at all, but they'll get the brunt of it all the same - it might come out as self-loathing or self-punishment, and he'll react by doing something stupid, like trying to drive them away, because having a secure, relatively healthy relationship is terrifying and the instinct is to destroy it before Tav can. There will be yelling and angry tears and deeply unhealthy coping mechanisms, and they'd have to work through that. Trauma is ugly, and Astarion is right at the beginning of a very long journey towards healing.

Abandonment Issues: Astarion wants the relationship to be one between equals, but he's kind of got Tav on a pedestal all the same. They saved him. They helped him get rid of Cazador for good. They chose him and love him despite a wealth of better (in his eyes) options, and all his baggage. They stayed with him even when he has very little to offer them. We know his vanity and obnoxious self-absorption is a fragile attempt to obscure the fact that his self-esteem is in the dirt and he has virtually no self-worth, and there are a couple of occasions in-game where it becomes clear that he's afraid of losing the one person who somehow considers him lovable. After seeing Sebastian and all the other conquests, he begs Tav not to hate him, saying that he did what he had to. If he has a rival for Tav's affections, and Tav informs him that they broke up with the rival to be with Astarion, he's shocked and the first thing out of his mouth is, "You ended things with them for me? Why?" And if Durge tries to break up with him for his own safety, his facade drops and he immediately asks if he did something wrong. So while he's not afraid to argue with Tav, if something happens - like an angry outburst - that upsets or angers them, and he thinks he's at risk of losing that one steady, stable person in his life, he might well cling and overcompensate to try and repair what he thinks is a fracture in their relationship. He'll fawn or beg or crawl into Tav's bed to "apologise" and "make it up to them" because, well, very occasionally it worked on Cazador. With patience and good communication and lots of repeatedly driving the lesson home to overcome 200 years of education to the contrary, he will eventually start to believe that "I'm really pissed off at you right now," does not equate to, "You are the worst mistake I've ever made and I am leaving you."

Panic Attacks: I feel like honestly he'd get some symptoms of these on a fairly regular basis, but he's never been given any option other than just trying to power through them. He's used to realising he's shaking, he's used to feeling like he's watching himself from outside his body, or like he can't breathe even though he doesn't need to. He's very familiar with the sickening fear in his gut, so intense it makes his head spin. He's not used to being comforted or reassured about them - he thinks they're normal. Tav disagrees.

Anyway, cptsd is messy and complicated and often looks very different from person to person so these will not represent everyone's but these are just some ideas for what the ongoing recovery process might make them work through, based on the aspects I'm most familiar with.

Projecting? Who's projecting? I'm not projecting. Shut up.

[violetbeauregut]

In Defense of Feedism

I was absolutely struck when I read  @fatliberation‘s beautiful, vulnerable post the other day. They always have brilliant ideas and they show unfailing grace and kindness to everyone, despite a ton of rude, ill-informed backlash (I would 100% recommend following them). 

I can’t stop thinking about the reactions to that post and how incredibly strange it is to have to tiptoe around feedism (to use an umbrella term) in a movement that is supposed to be centered around ending the oppression of fat people. 

I can understand why fat people who are not feedists would be weary or even repulsed by this kink. From the outside it may seem degrading and manipulative that the language and insults used against fat people are replicated in the bedroom. It is also harmful to be fetishized when you do not want to be fetishized, both in real life and online. 

But these are the only points I’ve heard against feedism that I consider to be a legitimate argument in the discourse of fat liberation, as these are the only claims against feedism I’ve come across that are not based in fatphobia. If you are in favor of fat liberation, then you must see fatness as morally neutral. Therefore, the choice to gain weight is not inherently “good” or “bad,” it is instead a matter of autonomy– a right that should be granted to everyone, regardless of size. 

The major issue with feedism is the same issue that permeates all kink and, by extension, all sexuality: consent. There are feedists, particularly feeders, who fetishize all fat people, regardless of their wishes; feedists who try to force fat people to participate in kink with or without their knowledge or permission. This is abhorrent behavior; there are no excuses for it. But the problem here is a violation of consent and not the kink itself. The unethical practice of kink does not make the kink unethical. And while feedees are often disregarded in discussions of feedism and fat liberation (which I have already talked about in depth here), there are most assuredly fat feedees, like myself, who are fully consenting to fat fetish play. 

While I can only speak for myself, I know that I am not the only person who developed this kink because of weight-related trauma. When you grow up fat, when you are forced to go to Weight Watchers at seven years old, your brain comes to associate fat as taboo and taboo as sexy–but it goes beyond an attraction to something risky or frowned upon. 

I live my life as a fat woman; I am fat at the doctor’s office and fat in tiny airplane seats and I am especially fat as a feedee. No matter if I’m engaging with my kink or not, I am fat and I don’t get to stop being fat outside of my bedroom. Out of all of the scenarios where I am existing in my fat body, engaging in kink play is the only one where I am experiencing pleasure because of my body, not despite it. It’s arousing to be praised for the thing that once made you hate yourself. It’s arousing to engage with something you fear or that has harmed you in a safe, controlled context where you have all the power to make it stop. 

What anti-feedist fat liberationists need to understand is that feedism is, at its core, a resistance to fatphobia. When you see things that are typically fatphobic in feedist play– terms like “pig,” “cow,” “tubby,” etc. and comments about being “out of shape” or “ruined” by fat– it is not a replication of weight stigma, but a subversion of it. Feedism takes the harmful stereotypes of fatness and robs them of their power by putting them in a new context; a context where fatness is so desirable that feedists want more of it. By using the language and misconceptions of fatness to give and receive pleasure instead of to oppress, feedism not only creates a safe space to heal from fatphobic trauma, but it empowers fatness– it empowers fat people, which is supposed to be the goal of fat liberation.

[luvvixu]

mind over matter pt. 4

synopsis: witness how your marriage was bound to fall apart with you on the front seat and your husband gojo had missed the show—now, he gotta figure out the story on his own.

content: arrange marriage au, angst, husband!gojo, mean!gojo, mention of blood, strong languages, some unsettling scenarios, emotional trauma, read at your own risk

a/n: ok, im such a bad author now huhu, i always broke my promises about updating the new chapter :((( should've just wrote in advance but i'm afraid i don't have that enough free time oqsjjanswjaj anyways, here's the anticipated chapter!! THANK YOU FOR Y'ALL PATIENCE <3 MWUHEHEHHEEHHE

previous / masterlist / next

the next day comes and you've got yourself some visitors. megumi, yuuji, nobara, maki, and inumaki was in your room and they were all seated around you as you talk.

panda and your two third years were not around at the moment because this is a non-sorcerer hospital and people would freak out to see a big ‘talking’ panda. during your two third years, they were out of town and were on a mission but they still text you to get well and even send you some fresh flowers.

“wait, i still can't believe that he's your husband.” nobara couldn't explain his shock at the revelation. out of all, she didn't think that her goofy teacher was someone's husband.

you chuckled at her reactions as you turned your gaze on megumi, who's still his mouth hanging. “megumi, i thought you're getting a hint?” you tease the boy. although it was true, you actually thought he already had an idea because you've known him for almost his entire life and even once lived with you as a kid.

“no…” was only his answer.

“so, gojo-sensei was the one you're talking about when you said that he was a busy man. most of his job requires being out of town. but he never fails to shower you with love and he is making sure that you two would still communicate despite his busy schedule?” your eyes widened when yuuji literally just said what you had said from before, word-by-word!

“i—i supposed he is.” everyone in the room sweat dropped at your answer.

what do you mean you supposed?!

“y/n-sensei, is it okay if we ask your baby?” maki chooses the gentlest approach because she heard that post-pregnancy can make the mother quite crikey, sensitive, and is prone to depression. but to her relief, you respond to her warmly.

“oh, the baby is being treated since they're premature. i really can't wait to meet them once i get better. but right now, shoko was the only one who had seen my baby.” you smiled softly at the thought of your baby.

“gojo-sensei still hadn't seen the baby?” maki’s eyes went wide.

you nodded. “yeah, he said we should go together so i must heal quickly for that to happen.”

the door suddenly opened and it revealed your husband with food in his hand. you smiled at the packages not because you're hungry, but because you had finally persuaded satoru to go out and leave you even for just a few minutes.

how did you do it? well, you just give him an earful after what he did yesterday night and he's like;

“i don't know how you did it but you should've just gone to the convenience store or the hospital canteen just for an oatmeal and eggs. and look, i'm not upset over the fact that you just had the ‘very easy to get’ food delivered on this doorstep. what concerns me is you seem not to trust me very well to handle myself— well in fact i've been doing it since i was a kid and blah, blah, blah, blah…” it was your turn to yap but a little longer than he did. you even probably bought up some of his minor mistakes like not taking out the trash on random sunday night.

and he was like, “i'm sorry. i won’t do it again ( •̯́ ^ •̯̀)”

“y'all done backstabbing me?” satoru teasingly smiled at you all.

“oh, we're just getting started. so why don't you take a seat and hear us out?” you patted the empty space of your bed beside you.

satoru playfully huffed and gave the foods to his students and let them distribute it themselves. sitting beside you, he gave you the separate plastic with food and helped you feed yourself. the two of you had your moment with you telling satoru to just let you be and stop feeding you like a kid, but satoru was like nuh uh—and it goes on and on.

meanwhile, the students watch you two with surprise in their eyes. they still couldn't digest the fact that you two had managed to hide your marriage for like five years or so. and out of all spouses out there, they couldn't believe their eyes that you married a guy that is a total opposite of you.

“i still cannot really believe that you're married and have a baddie wife.” nobara almost never tears her gaze towards you two.

“yeah, much more is that they look so in love!” yuuji agrees to what nobara said as his words made you two stop bickering instantly.

like a cold water being poured, you two were suddenly experiencing a reality check that this so-called in love was very far from the two of you actually is. coughing slightly to hide his awkwardness and nervousness, he just let himself chuckle. while you? you're an expert at this, you maintain a smiley expression and wordlessly (and also forcefully) agrees to what the boy said.

“oh my, do we?” putting a hand on your cheek, you smiled with your eyes closed. your act looks so legit but satoru has seen this multiple side—he knew this facade was all fake.

maki suddenly puts herself into attention by calling your name. “anyway y/n-sensei, i've noticed you two don't have a ring—” before she could even finish her sentence, you already beat her to it.

“that's because the two of us, mostly him, are constantly fighting curses and both involve using our hands when we use our techniques. it would be risky to wear it and we're scared that we might get it lost or damaged.” you explain meticulously.

you watch the students agree to your explanation, while satoru is looking at you with meaning. you stared back at him too, hoping that he would get your telepathic message.

“alright guys, your y/n-sensei needs to rest now. we'll just see you guys soon or you can all just drop by tomorrow after your training.” satoru called everyone's attention by clapping his hands then started to playfully shoo the students.

you watch them pack their things and wave you a happy goodbye, in which you return their enthusiasm as well. when they all left, you let out a sigh and started to gently lie your body on the bed. satoru, who was done cleaning just now, sit at the end of your bed and carefully massage your legs.

“did you have fun with them?” you just lazily hum at his question and proceed to rest your eyes.

“i…i'm surprised you managed to convince them about our marriage.” satoru continued quietly.

opening one of your eyes and looking at him, you said, “of course, i've been doing it to a lot of people for the past five years.”

that alone made him shut up.

satoru looked down to his hands, which were still busy massaging your legs. you've noticed that his eyes were casted down and his behavior was somewhat familiar to you, he's feeling something that is related to guilt and regret.

clicking your tongue, you're in no mood to deal with his behavior today. so to find a solution to this problem, you just put yourself to sleep and let all of this just go on without a single care.

it has been two days and you're getting better day by day. today was probably the bestest day so far because you're about to finally see your own baby!

“calm down, mama. do you want your stitches to open again?” shoko holds your knees to stop it from shaking anxiously as you were currently sitting just right outside the neonatal intensive care unit (nicu) where your baby was.

you understand that the doctors need to prepare the room first before you all come in, but you wished that they speed it up.

“but sho, i'm finally seeing my baby!” you squeal at your friend who just ruffles your hair and tells you to be patient—in which you definitely can't.

meanwhile, satoru, who was standing beside you while you and shoko were sitting together, has been eyeing you since this whole waiting. he understands that you're excited about seeing the baby because he is too, he is excited. but he couldn't help but to feel a sensation that you would rather share your excitement with others than him.

he knows that he sounds ridiculous and undeserving to say that in the first place after what he did to put you through, but he still couldn't help it and he wouldn't even dare to say it to you.

the door of the nicu just opened and it revealed the doctor who was wearing protective gear to keep bacterias and viruses from entering the room and harm the baby. before he lets you all in, he first instructs you all to change the same gear as him and then proceeds to give you all some explanation in which you actively listen and take notes.

and after that, he finally lets you go inside.

the moment your eyes traveled on a crib, you saw your child laying down there with some breathing apparatus that is connected to their little body. you could feel your eyes swell with hot tears as you inch yourself towards the bundle of joy who's their crib was also protected with glass and only small holes on both sides were there.

satoru and shoko watched you with pure warmth at your sight—it was a nice scene of mother's love. finally, a tear escapes your eyes the moment you get a whole view of your child.

“isn't he pretty?” shoko said beside you, someone who you didn't notice had come near you.

you gasp, “he? m-my baby is a boy?” your cries go even harder, but it was just pure happiness. you couldn't bring yourself to tear your gaze away from your child even though he looks fragile for being premature but you love him dearly.

“can i touch him?” you look at the doctor who assisted you earlier without caring that you might look like a crying mess. you're far more thrilled to be with your child than to be pretty at this moment.

the doctor smiled at you and he agreed. he pointed out the small hole on the side, telling you to stick your hands out to feel your baby. you do what he said with your shaky hands, and when your fingertips touch his warm skin—you feel like you could die from the burst of euphoria.

“my b-baby, my baby is n-now here!” you really can't hold your emotions back as you keep on passing your fingers through your baby's arm until it reaches his closed hands where you slightly and gently open it for him to grab index finger. and when he does, your smile becomes even wider.

“hi baby~ this is me, your mommy. it's so nice to finally see you.” you whispered softly, hoping that despite the glass, he could hear your words.

this is the bestest day of your life. your baby was here and that's all you need.

the scene continues to unfold with you still getting emotional and shoko was just watching you with a smile on her face. while satoru, the father of the child, the husband of the mother, was a little distant but he could still see the baby. he was all quiet and couldn't bring himself to utter a word but he's not speechless.

his eyes behind those glasses were trailed on the child, but most of his gazes were on you. satoru watches you become all smiley—this is probably the happiest smile he had seen on your lips for the past years of your marriage.

and he would absolutely never forgive himself if he breaks it—but he already did.

shoko notices his odd behavior and promptly leaves your side for a while (but you're busy having a baby talk with your baby to notice her leaving) to go talk to him.

“what? you're just gonna stand there and watch y/n?” yup. still the same as before, hostile towards the man. satoru let out a sigh and didn't give her attention. instead, he walked towards y/n and just focused on his family.

“you’re so tiny!” you continue to cooed at your son who keeps on moving slightly which is a good sign that your son is responsive and fighting. you also noticed that satoru was now right beside you and is looking at your son too with adoration tinted in his eyes.

“i don't think i could let myself be away from him anymore.” you said. your cheeks were now hurting from constant smiling but you don't mind.

satoru only looks at you briefly because his attention was now on his son, fully. “hello, it was nice finally meeting you.” his eyes trailed on his own flesh and blood with the most care of all.

on the other hand, you're not dumb to not notice that satoru was acting hesitant towards this scene and you knew what his reason was. you think that satoru thinks that he was undeserving to be here, and you're correct about his assumption.

but as a woman who grew up with an experience of being inside a shattered family, you absolutely would not want that to happen to your own child. and as much as you would also like to satoru be away at least for now because you're still that sensitive about what he had said during those conversations in the clinic and hallway, you respect his role as a father.

you'd give him a chance to prove his worth as a father to your child, but he's far worse to have a chance to prove his worth as a husband to you. if he messes this up real bad and without any proper explanation, this will be all over—satoru would no longer have you and your child as his own family.

“stick your hand on his hole, that way you could feel him.” you guided his hand towards the hole that you had said before and watched his hands turn shakey as he reached for the baby.

once satoru had finally experienced a skin-to-skin touch with his baby, he wanted to cry so badly but he didn't allow himself to, at least not yet. he felt like this was one of the best moments in his existence.

satoru would like to punch himself for questioning the baby for his plans as he seemingly thinks it would affect him. but just when he look and touch his baby, all of his recollection about the mixed emotions he felt when the baby is on the board has suddenly vanished and it was replaced with gratefulness and adoration for both of you.

it was like a full 360 degrees turn was done after the early birth of his first born. plus, he had seen you be ever so happy that you are with him. and deep inside him, satoru deniably hopes that this kid, this child, can at least help him save this marriage that was destined to fail and doomed.

because he now finally realizes that you're slowly wrapping him around your tiny fingers.

your tears had made him be a better person, your recent experience had made him behave. it almost cost you and your baby's wife just for him to realize the importance of your five years of marriage, and he's planning to tell you that soon.

“have you finally decided what name we should give him?” shoko asked you and she didn't fail to see your eyes sparkle at the mention of name.

ah yes, baby names.

that was something that a mother and father should decide together because it comes very crucial because the name that your baby will get is a symbol of you two's relationship. but the thing is, you and your husband hadn't talked about a single thing or just anything related to this matter.

that's probably why you're still embarrassed whenever you think about nanami accidentally seeing you open a website into one of the school's computers about unique baby names with its meaning.

you're four months pregnant at that time and you're spending your free time in a teacher's lounge. you're very invested in your mini research to the point that you didn't notice an old friend peeking at your screen. you actually only notice his presence when you're about to stretch but accidentally bump his torso, and to your surprise, he was there.

and then the rest becomes a story and history. nanami helped you pick baby names for both genders or even unisex until you came out with…

“kazuki. let's name him that.” a soft smile was decorated on your lips as you watched satoru, who's looking at you, plays with the hands of your son.

“kazuki…that's a nice name, y/n.” satoru said happily. however, you can see his disappointment behind those words and you know why. you didn't even invite him to search for your baby's name because why would you?

“does it have any special meaning?” shoko asked you.

you nodded and said, “of course, kazuki means hope of peace—and i really need that.”

taglists: @mistymuii @kalopsia-flaneur @sherryuki-callmeyuki @aish777 @tttttttf @slyhersophia @rirk-ke @labelt-san @shinruo @testrella @sad-darksoul @kurookinnie @mountvesuvu @chwesuh-imnida @cole-silas @elernity @maddie-jayne @yozora7154 @kawaiivillainess98 @forourpoets @aishies-stuff @numblytemporary @souyasplushie @catarinemirandax @aerithsthingss @h1gh4ru @ssetsuka @jskodn @khoiyyu @the2ndl @vebbiewuzhere @kouyoumarryme @dreamyescapesfromreality @local-mr-frog @haesify @blkmystery @bleppt @leavem3al0n3 @arminloverlol @megumisthirdog @shirabane @sheismaryy @tragicgirl444 @vampsins @miizuzu @kurobo @anxious-chick @p1nkliquor @mshitachin @chxrv @lolsasuke @username23345 @netyxms @lvstru @roscpctals99 @buttermilktea11 @berenevenstarzetaestelar @jiupark @hotsauce247 @veryverysadauthor @skepticalleo @opentheyoor01 @slowlyshycomputer @babybarbs12 @thickemadame @yaninnaacu @foggypostshark

[part 5 will be just there right around the corner — ©luvvixu2024]

[bananami]

and just like that i’m back on my nanami bs. i hope this helps you all heal from the trauma that was season 2 of jjk <3 (cw: pure fluff, dad!nanami, wife!reader, sex is alluded to a number of times, nanami is just desperate for his wife ok)

“he just passed out, he usually naps for a good 30 minutes. i can do it in 20.”

you can’t help but laugh at your husband. ever since adopting yuuji the two of you have been adapting to your lives with a toddler. that included very limited one on one time, and it was taking a toll on nanami.

“i have to fold the laundry,” you’re tone is apologetic but your face tells him you find this amusing.

“you’re the greatest multitasker i know.”

you feel his arms wrap around you as you continue to fold yuuji’s t-shirts. the kid was so messy sometimes, it caused him to go through his entire closet in a weeks time. “we need to seriously go shopping and get him more things to wear.” you spun around to wrap your arms around his waist. “your child is a dirty little gremlin.”

“your husband is trying to be one too but you won’t let him act on it.”

“you are not gonna be 20 minutes, you say that but you’re not quick with it anymore old man.”

“who are you calling old man? i’m spry for my age.”

“see, you even sound like an old man.”

“an old man who just wants to show his wife how much he still loves her.” his hands slide up and down your back, holding you to him and bringing his lips to yours. “i love you. i miss you.”

“i miss you too kento,” you let him take his time kissing you. “ok, what if-“

“i love where this is going already.”

“i haven’t even told you.”

“the prospect of things makes me excited. really gets me going.”

you giggle, “so repressed.”

“you have no idea, it’s taking everything in me not to turn you around and accost you right here on the dining room table.” he leans his face down to nuzzle and kiss at your neck.

“accost?”

“accost. respectfully.”

you tighten your arms around his waist, satisfied with the heavy affection he’s showing you. “what if i call up gojo-“

“and just like that i’m soft.”

“kento!” you smack him in the back but can’t help the smile that sneaks onto your face. he’s so easy to rile up.

“you know the emotions his name invokes in me. i can’t stand him.”

“i was going to say, what if i called him up to see if yuuji can spend the weekend at his and geto’s place with megumi, and then you and i can have the entire weekend together. just the two of us.”

“i love him.”

“wow, wait until i tell him you said that.”

“i’ll never admit to it.” nanami takes your face into his hands, kissing at your lips over and over until a giggling voice breaks the moment.

“eeeeew!!” yuuji runs forward from the other side of the hallway, jumping up and down at nanami’s feet. “up, up, up!!” and when he does the pink haired little boy leans over to give you a kiss on the nose.

“thank you, yuuji,” you give his nose a kiss in return.

“thank you, mama!!”

nanami narrows his eyes and scratches at the boy’s belly, sending yuuji into another round of giggles at being tickled. “guess who’s house your gonna sleepover at this weekend.”

you send a look toward your husband. “he hasn’t agreed yet, i still have to call him.”

“he’ll agree. because if he doesn’t,” he presses a million little kisses all over yuuji’s face, “i might actually die. and then who will he have to annoy at work?”

“he does like to annoy you.”

“i’m well aware.”

“i’ll call him now.”

nanami sets yuuji down, sending him into the kitchen. before following him, he leans over to give you one last lingering kiss on the lips. “i love you,” his smile lifts into a tiny smirk, “and it is for that reason exactly that i say, with all of the love i can muster, i am going to ruin you this weekend.”

“ruin me?”

“ruin you. respectfully.”

[tarotwithavi]

How do your spirit guides see you?

How to choose a pile?

Close your eyes and take a deep breath and ask the angels to show you the right pile for you and open your eyes. The first pile that catches your attention is the right pile for you.

Just keep in mind that this is a general reading, so it may or may not resonate with you. Please take what resonates and leave the rest.

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Pile 1

Hello my dear pile 1! Your spirit guides see you as someone who has been through a lot of things but they haven't let that negative experience hold them back. They see you as someone who is really spontaneous, someone who gets off negative emotions really easily. Your spirit guides see you as this kind and generous soul however they also see that sometimes you may get really rude when you argue with someone. It's like the words you use are so hurtful to a lot of people. Lately you may have been feeling really stressed or depressed and your spirit guides want you to cheer up a little bit because they believe in you and they believe that you can get over these emotions easily. They want you to know that you are not your emotions and your emotions are something that you feel for a small period of time, your emotions do not define you. I am also getting that they see you as someone who is really dramatic. You know you may blame them if something goes wrong or you may shout random things but they are not offended by it in fact they enjoy it quite a lot. Your spirit guides see you as someone who is restricted by their desires to obtain more and more. You may be a little greedy about certain things or you may be greedy about succeeding and in the process of success you may neglect your own needs. They want you to let go of this habit and they want you to be more grateful about the things you already have.

I also picked up on some messages while channeling messages for you from your spirit guides and one of the messages is that do not think about the past and see them as experiences that have taught you a lesson. Do not read your book backwards, leave that chapter behind. They want you to slow down And become aware of all your senses. They want you to see your potential. You are in fact capable of a lot of things, you just need to let those come to the surface. If you feel stuck and if you don't know what to do next you can simply ask them for guidance and they will be more than happy to provide you with the guidance that you need. Please ask them for help.

Pile 2

Hello pile 2! Your speed guides see you as someone who may be a little bit too kind. Being kind is a great thing you know but don't give away things that mean a lot to you. They see you as someone who is distant who doesn't ask for help. they definitely see that you are on a journey of self discovery and introspection. They see that all the things you have been through, have stayed still and taken all the blows that were thrown your way and they are really proud to guide you on your journey. In fact they are telling me that they have planned a lot of great things for you. I don't know why but my eyes seem to water as I was channeling messages for you. They are really proud of you and they want you to know that you are doing great. They see you are someone who has a lot of responsibilities on their shoulders. You are the person who is meant to heal your generational trauma. And healing generation drama is not an easy thing. However I'm also getting that your spirit guides see you as someone who is really indecisive. they know you know what you need to do, however you are confused if you should take the lead or not. They see you as this really beautiful soul. I am also getting that they are really proud that they are leading a soul like you. The feeling I am getting is so positive and I know this is exactly how spirits see you, however I do not have the words to describe how beautiful this feeling is.

Now for the messages I'm getting that you are spirit guides are sending a new soul into your life. For some it could be a pet, especially a rabbit and for some it could be a romantic partner. Also getting the color red so the message it gives me is that a lot of passion and all of happiness is about to enter your life so be ready to receive. You are going to be sure about your life purpose, you may have already guessed what your life purpose is and your spirit guides want you to take steps to achieve that. Be ready to enjoy and celebrate your life to the fullest.

Pile 3

Hello Pile 3 and welcome to your reading. While I was shuffling the cards for you the cards kept on jumping out of the Deck so let me tell you your spirit guides have a lot to say to you. The first message I'm getting is that your spirit guides see you as someone who is between worlds. What I want to say is that you may have a lot of projects going on or you may have a lot of things that you want to complete. however you do not have the energy to complete all of the projects now you're kind of stuck. Your spirit guides see you are someone who has the potential to be a spiritual healer but first you need to do a lot of self healing. I also see that you may be going through another spiritual awakening lately and you may be feeling punched in the face by the universe; however, they want you to know that this experience was meant to happen for you to see your worth. I am also getting that your speed guides may be a little upset with you because you have misinterpreted their messages. They see that you are having a hard time doing things by yourself. And they want to help you however they can't interfere because you are meant to learn this lesson on your own. I am also getting that your spirit guides see you as "Courage the cowardly dog" . You know how he was always scared of the little things but how unknowingly he always managed to save that lady which helped him overcome his fears, in the act of saving the lady. In fact you may see yourself as socially awkward or not really courageous however you have done a lot of things to protect the people you love. They also see that you love a little too hard and too fast. And people get scared of that intensity and run away from you. But nonetheless they are really proud of you and they want you to focus on your finances first before getting into a relationship because being stable is more important. Or let's say Feeling successful is more important.

The messages your spirit guides are giving me is that you are stuck in a really toxic relationship and the person that you think as your soulmate is not actually your soulmate and this is the message that you may have misinterpreted earlier. Some of you may have already met your spirit guides in your dreams. They want you to follow the path of truthfulness, they don't want to see you lying, they don't want to see you deceiving people. Or even yourself, they want to be true to yourself and the people around you. Nothing comes from lying. Someone from your past may reach out to you and honestly I don't have a great feeling about this person so just in case be careful about what you say to them and what you share about yourself online

[animehideout]

Hii! Its my first time requesting something like this but...

I think that it would really be a good idea tho

Insecure Reader x Jjk Men Finding Out

Soo.. Lets say(for the concept) Reader has really been insecure about their body because of childhood trauma.. Thinking that no one would love them or give time to love them they tried to "sewerslide" but.. they fail and after some convincing from there family reader feels a bit better about there body not completely but its better..

Fast Forward A Few Years Later

Reader meets (jjk men) and both of there relationship goes very well (jjk men) were very touchy and clingy to reader... One day (jjk men) convince reader they should go clothe shopping.. while there at the store(can be any store).(jjk men) finds a dress .. they asked reader if they would like to try it.. reader at first says no thinking its way to revealing and memories come back from the past.. but still agreed she went to the changing room and went out to look for (jjk men)/ there bf but they dont find them?.. she searchs and finds there bf with a girl the girl is touchy.. and clingy to there bf/(jjk men) reader sees this and immediately thinks of the worst i mean the girl looked drop dead gorgeous.. there bf (jjk men) notices reader and goes to them ignoring the girl.. they then realized something not right.. reader isn't as clingy or Happy like she was earlier (There bf being there lover notices this and ask) "Reader/N/N.. are you feeling.." but stops mid way sentence they realize that reader keeps adjust the dress and squeezes parts of her body..

(Its up to you if its SFW or NSFW and if you want to Shorten it)

Insecure Reader X JJK Men Finding Out.

check out part 2 here

a/n: Thank you anon for submitting your request. I hope you like it, if you want part 2, or if your fav characters aren't mentioned here please let me know I'll make part 2.

Warnings: Mention of Suic*de / Negative feelings / Negative body image / Depression/ Slight smut.

Nanami Kento:

It's like Nanami was sent from above to heal all of your traumas. Your relationship was smooth he treated you with pure love and care. You already told him about some of your insecurities but didn't go deep into details, leaving your attempts to unalive yourself unspoken of, and hidden within you. To celebrate one of your close friend's bday, he took you out shopping to pick a dress for you.

“Try this one love, I'll wait here for you” .

You took the dress and rushed to the changing cabinet, for the first time you felt beautiful in something revealing, but that soon collapsed to the ground when you found him talking with a drop dead gorgeous lady, with a beautiful body and soft facial features. You observed how both of them spoke, how she was blinking slowly as she extended her hand to touch his forearm. It's like your world stopped. Nanami was the one who helped you temporarily forget about the shit you dealt with in the past but now the same man triggered it again, crashing the efforts you put in order to heal.

Visions of your dark times started showing it's like they were in full display, making you swallow hard, remembering how you used to stand in front if your mirror scolding yourself, attacking your innocent reflection with hate words as if you were your own enemy. You looked down checking your body, regretting that you agreed to go shopping in the first place.

“Excuse me” said Nanami to the woman the moment he noticed you. “Sweetheart, the dress suits you perfectly” he complimented you with a soft smile.

You hummed in return, your eyes still fixated on your own body, awkwardly trying to fix your dress with trembling hands.

“hm? everything is fine?” he asked with a frown.

“y-yeah totally” you lied.

But he picked up to you, noticing that you were feeling down and something changed your mood to the worst.

“Wanna go somewhere less crowded?” he suggested knowing that prolly need some alone time, out of sight.

You nodded slowly, putting back your outfit of the day, exiting the shop. You sat in a empty park, the whole time you were silent, too overwhelmed to find the right words that could express what you've felt. He observed you, giving you some time to compose yourself but he couldn't wait too long so he took the initiative and said,

“I understand how you feel, I-”,

but you cut him off, and he was faced with a side he never thought you had.

“NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS FEELING, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU WAKE UP EVERYDAY AND FIGHT THE URGE TO KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU CAN'T ACCEPT YOURSELF” you yelled as tears started streaming down your cheeks.

His eyes widened, taken aback by what you blurted out. “killing yourself?” these words lingered in his mind, he thought that your insecurity was something normal that anyone experiences but not to the point to make you hate your own existence. Before he could say anything you stood up and started walking away, but he stopped you grabbing your waist,

“you'te not going anywhere love, we need to talk”.

You struggled to break free but he trapped you between his arms making you sit back down on the bench with him.

“Tell me everything, I don't want you to carry any weight alone, I want to share it with you”.

You spent the whole evening venting, expressing yourself.. The more you talked about your attempts the more he held you close, scared of the thought of losing you. Once you finished talking, he spoke with his honey-like voice,

“I'm sorry you had to face all of that, you are beautiful, you are worth it, you are amazing the way you are! But we, humans tend to be harsh on ourselves, we tend to physically hurt ourselves to take our mind off of what we're feeling. But I don't want you to do that again, I don't want you to lose yourself to self hatred. I'm here to unburden you, to take your pain away, that's what lovers do.. I love you so fucking much and I'll always choose you, cuz my mind, body and soul crave you alone”

It's like you've been waiting to hear these words for ages, despite the comfort of your family and friends you've always took it as a flattery but Nanami succeeded in making you try to give yourself a chance to love yourself again.

“And about that woman, she was just trying to make me buy more dresses.. all what I want is you”

He made your heart flutter, he made you feel that it's okay to not be okay. He indeed took that weight that was burdening you for years. He promised to help you in the process of making you feel better again to completely heal.

“Nanami what if someone sees us” you chuckled when he started kissing your jaw,

“I don't care, I just want to show you how much I love you” he said between kisses as his strong arms tightened around you, pulling you to sit on his lap, making out till the sun went down.

Gojo Satoru:

It left you speechless when Gojo Satoru, the strongest sorcerer who could pull anyone he wanted, asked you to be his partner. Who would say no to Satoru, so you agreed despite the growing feeling inside you that you don't deserve him.

For the first couple of months everything went good, a lot of flirting, a lot of touching, but deep down you couldn't brush away the idea that he was dating you because of a bet, you were too insecure to believe that he actually had a real interest in you. You succeeded in hiding the dark thoughts that crept inside you, scared that sharing such stuff would make him see you as weak and non deserving of his time, so you kept it all to yourself.

But he proved you wrong when he confessed that his feelings towards you grew; he loves you, also you shared your first kiss together. He's a confident man, both in his looks and personality, and the fact that you're his partner boosted your confidence, making you try to put aside all of your past traumas.

Both of you were attending a very important party, so him being a good, rich boyfriend took you out to go shopping and spend his money on his one and only; you. You were too anxious to do so, cuz you knew he'll end up forcing you to try clothes on for him and make you swirl around. But you tried to stay calm and put on a smile on your face. He was extremely happy and hyped so you didn't want to ruin it for him.

“This is the one” he said his blue eyes glistening with excitement.

You would hesitantly grab the dress.

“Come on baby, try it on, let me see you”.

You rushed to the changing room mentally preparing yourself for any possible criticism. You tentatively walked out trying to adjust your dress, but no sight of Gojo. You frowned in confusion as you started looking for your boyfriend, only to find him talking to one of the boutique staff. Your eyes widened and you felt a sting in your chest. The fact that he didn't turn his infinity on and casually let her touch him made your self esteem drop instantly. Your mind became hazy with negative thoughts, making you doubt yourself and doubt his love for you. You felt completely overshadowed by her. She was so damn gorgeous and with Gojo being handsome, the thought of her being a better match for him took over your mind. It's like one of your nightmares came to life.

You cleared your throat, trying to get Gojo's attention, you were planning to tell him that you were tired and wanna go home, just so you can be alone with your thoughts. The moment Gojo looked at you, he quickly ran your way, completely ignoring the girl even though she was still talking.

“Damn you look hot, babes” he exclaimed scanning each inch of you.

You hummed looking everywhere but his eyes trying to avoid his gaze.

“I think this one suits you wel-..huh? baby?”

He was so quick to catch up with your mood swing. Immediately noticing the change in your energy and vibe.

“ just tired, can we go home?”

“Baby what's wrong you were all happy and excited, did I do anything wro-”

but he stopped mid way when he saw your hands restlessly adjusting the dress, and couldn't stop tugging on the cloth, clearly uncomfortable.

“I just wanna go home Satoru”,

you stuttered as you quickly rushed back to the changing room leaving him awkwardly standing there like a statue. You put your clothes on and left the shop, you could feel your panic attack building up and hell no you weren't ready to let anyone witness your break down in public, especially your boyfriend.

“WAIT BABE!”,

he quickly paid for the dress; he genuinely liked how it suited you, and he rushed outside catching up on you. He grabbed your arm and turned you around.

“Oh my..”,

he said when he noticed your glassy teary eyes. You sniffled and mumbled a little,“Im fine”

“No you're not! talk to me please.. you know you can trust me right?”

You swallowed hard, realizing maybe it's the time to let it out and make him face the real you, it was choking you so bad.

“I think we should break up Satoru” you started.

His heart started racing, his hands shaking.. “no..what did I do? I'll make it up for you I promi-”

“Its not your fault Satoru, it's mine. I'm not healed yet and I don't wanna burden you”

“heal from what? you're scaring me! tell me evey single thing, I wanna listen to you”,

he said seriously, taking your hands in his gently kissing it. You took a deep breath, he deserves an explanation.

“seeing you with that girl, it- it made me uncomfortable, you didn't even try to stop her when she touched you, I mean I know she's way prettier than me and you deserve someone who's on the same level as yo-..”

“Hey hey wait, where did all of this come from?” he would ask in utter shock. “First of all, she took me by surprise when she touched me, because I never activate my infinity when I'm around you or out on a date with date. Second of all, she's not prettier than you and no one is.”

You shook your head, refusing to buy into his words even though he was genuinely telling the truth. He would grab your face and force you to look up at him.

“Where did all of this come from?” he would ask again.

He finally succeeded in breaking through your exterior and learned about your past trauma and how you attempted multiple times to end it all. He would carefully listen to you speaking your heart out. His heart shattering into pieces, imagining how you dealt with that all alone and worse that's he's the one who stirred them back today.

“I understand if you don't wanna be with me anymore, I've always thought that you deserve much better than settling dor me”

He didn't say anything, instead his lips crushed on yours. Taking you by surprise. Pouring all of his love for you into that kiss, hia lips moving passionately and in sync with yours..

“My world is nothing without you, even in ultrnate universes I'll choose you over and over again”

He spent the rest of the day holding you close to his chest while cuddling in your shared bedroom. Literally doing everything to cheer you up again. Would constantly blame himself, apologizing on repeat

“I'm sorry, I wish I met you years ago, but I'm here now and I'll make sure you never feel that way ever again”

You'll end up comforting him instead, while he buries his face in the crook of your neck.

Toji Fushiguro:

Toji is an extremely handsome man with a ripped body, any human walking on this earth would be attracted to him from the first glimpse and that was the case for you. You tried to stop yourself from loving him, thinking that he wouldn't even notice your existence and might make fun of you for thinking that you stood a chance to be with him. But you were left dumbfounded when he confessed that he wants you. You couldn't help your feelings and felt weak in front of him so you accepted his feelings, and started dating. But doubt and self consciousness always had to kick in especially when both of you are in public and women can't keep their eyes off of him totally ignoring that you're standing next to him.

You stood there in the middle of the changing room tightly tugging on the dress that Toji picked out for you. You didn't feel yourself in it, it was too revealing for your liking. As if everything you were trying to hide for the past years is now exposed.

With caution you stepped out, you had to show Tojo after all. But to your surprise you found him talking with a girl, who had her hand on his chest, but he stepped back the moment she touched him; he's always been so loyal to you. But you couldn't help the heart break, and now memories from your past started overflowing your mind, making you feel so small in that dress, so ashamed for even trying it on. A lump formed in your throat, as you felt the room narrowing around you, leaving you completely suffocated.

When he caught you standing there while staring at him, he figured out that something was off. He always sensed your discomfort in public especially when someone tries to hit on him, he thought it was only jealousy where in fact it was way bigger and complicated than that, it was a past trauma that been haunting you. He walked towards you with a smile, circling his strong arms around your figure as he started praising you, trying to calm down what he thought ' jealousy '

“Damn you look stunning”.

But his words fell on a deaf ear, all what your mind thought about is how you used to isolate yourself and torture yourself with your negative self assumptions. He noticed how sadness was drawn on your face and how your hands couldn't stay still, continuously touching your body and dress.

“Are you okay? what's the matter?”

“Nah nothing Toji,”,you said voice cracking giving you out.

“Is it because of that girl? you know I've got eyes only on you right?”

“No it's not the case” you simply answered “Can we just go home now?”.

He nodded paid for the dress then both of you went home. You thought you'd isolate yourself in your room like what you used to do, break down in pieces alone while you feed on your dark thoughts for long hours. But this time Toji didn't allow it, your silence was hiding something knotted and he had to crack it. So he started bombarding you with questions,

“What's wrong?” “Come on tell me!”,

but the more you ignored his questions afraid of opening up the more you made him furious, and it quickly escalated into a heated argument. It's like rubbing salt on a freshly wound.

“why do you keep on fucking pushing me away? I'm so done with this kind of behavior”.

You couldn't take it anymore, so you blurted out all of your accumulated emotions, all the pain that had been smothering you for years.

“BECAUSE U DON'T DESERVE TO BE WITH YOU TOJI, I DON'T DESERVE ONE BIT OF YOUR LOVE.. look at you and look at me! you're just wasting your time with someone who is insecure and too broken to be fixed”.

He froze in place, it's like getting stabbed in the heart with the sharpest blade. It broke him to hear you confess this to him. He's always seen you as the most beautiful person that he ever laid eyes on, and was left stunned when he knew that you think the complete opposite of yourself.

“For how long have you been feeling this way?” he would ask taking a step closer to you, his strong features softening.

“Years..” .

“I just hope you can see yourself through my eyes..”,

without any further words, he would carry you to your bedroom, completely strip you of your clothes. You were too drained to stop him so you just let him do his thing. He climbed on top of you while taking off his clothes as well.

“My words might not convince you, but my actions will”.

He would make love to you for the whole night, making sure to kiss and caress all of your insecurities. Sensually whispering that's you're more than perfect for him,

“You're everything to me.. I live to worship your body..”

He would be so gentle making you feel good, making you feel loved and desired. Taking your mind off of your past issues. Proving to you that you are beautiful in your own way, boosting your self esteem.

“I love you, for you. Don't let these thoughts ruin us, I'll make sure to delete these insecurities forever.. you'll only be filled with me and my love for you”

.....

✨ 💌 I just wanted to say that it's okay to feel insecure or sad.. Feelings whether if they're positive or negative are what make us humans. But always remember that every person is beautiful in their own way.. you don't have to wait for anyone's approvement of you, be who you are, we only live once so let's make the best out of it, let's work on ourselves to satisfy ourselves and not others. You are perfect just because it is you!! You have your own sparks that no one else have, you're unique and special. Let's all of us do our best to be happy and to fully live our lives embracing the ups and downs. Wishing all of you a blessed life 💌✨

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

Astrology Observations Pt.4

Long time no see everyone :) i have a few astro observations i wanna share so lets get to it

Lilith/Mars individuals carry an unspoken confidence that ignites a fire in the eyes of other people and can make others fall in love with them. Their self expression comes in through the form of bravery and letting the world see their raw truth unfiltered, not giving a damn about what others think. This makes for strong attraction and they have a hard time getting people off of them, and i mean this in two ways: one way being that others have 'feelings' for them 'down there' *wink wink* causing them to show a deep sexual attraction to them whether they are uncomfortable with it or not. their unconscious thoughts will be shown to the lilith mars person with seemingly lil to no effort. they wont know why they just know it feels good (or embarasing/harboring a lot of guilt) however these lilith babes are about exploring parts of ourselves that we mask and no judgement zones are a necessity when in their spaces. the other way is others will be triggered by them due to the octrasized lililith/mars person embracing their freedom and living their truth no matter what. all in all, both fall under secret (or not so secret) admiration.

Lilith/Pluto are the powerhouses of being who they are and when they want to be it. Literally octrasize by people all their lives and wen through lots of trauma. the way they express their power is through their traumas and taking back what was stolen. People have a hard time looking to them as real people because of their auras they possess. their sexuality/sensual energy is unmatched and is hard to tame. at some point they know when to let go and let this energy in them grow. if it makes people go crazy then so be it. naturally hypnotizing i cannot tell you how bad this cause you could definitely give away something to them and all they did was look you in the eye with a smile. Their natural aroma scares others but also perplexes them. its like damn are you a witch? maybe, maybe not. its just so much deeper than that. a personal message for them is being aware of yourself and the world around you is gift. People that dont know themselves will look up to you in the long run, you are the underdogs of your generations and you're healing a lot of wounds that most people will never face because they do not like what they see in the dark. You like your freedom and do not care what others think, you make your own rules because thats what we're meant to do. Be humans who create our own paths for ourselves and move to the beat of our own drum. Dont take what people say too close to the heart, youre mirroring back the shadows they hate in themselves.

Venus/Mercury has a gift of gab. Highly inspirational and their words connect you to the divine. The heart space opens up when they express their truth through the power of words, the use of their hands and the beauty of their minds. A rare placement since its only in conjunction and sextile. Not too many people have this one. Venus/Mercury babes channel from a source that connects them to the power of love, and when you speak you touch people and we fall in love with you all over again. If you have a voice please sing, speak, share with us your gift of light. Thats what you're called to do. If you are a writer share your stories with the world, your creative mind takes us back to the inner child. Enjoy it while its here!

Mars in Saggitarius. Go. GETTERS!!! When they want something they will not stop to get it. Their fire burns to achieve something bigger than themselves and with the right amount of optimism they will make it if they put the work in. One of the signs that mars works wonders in, because they can achieve their dreams quickly because of the excessive amount of fire in this house. Saggitarius only grows, never limits itself. The more they work hard the more good fortune comes their way. Others can get nervous around their because of their boastful confidence. Its too big.. its too wide. its too strong.. it wont fit or whatever beyonce said LMAOO thats yall. Very big egos and for a good reason. Yall get what you want when you want it. Nothing can stop them from getting what they need and mars sag babes wanting more in life is whats going to keep them moving.

Pisces Ascendant babes are the muses, the stars, the messengers, the oracle, the originators. These dreamers are capable of seeing the beyond even when the world doesnt see it yet. The world could doubt them but if they believe in themselves more they will prove to the world that all dreams are possible. Their reality is formed through subconscious thinking, so they must pay attention to what goes on in the inside of their minds because thats what controls their day to day reality the most. Shapeshifters who naturally move with the beat of the universe, their new look can be formed not just from an idea but because something new is changing in the world, and they are normally the first to get this information first. This is why some of them are trendsetters in fashion. Everything happens in spirit before it is physical, however for them the spirit and the psychical will always meet. And with their transformations it can sometimes be a message from the divine. Before anyone says its not that deep, i wanna tell you that anything with pisces is going to be that deep LMAO no other way to spin that. Their connected to the cosmos and their pineal glands connects them to other worlds we just havent tapped into yet. Its a gift. So a lot of times when they change, something in the environment changed too. All in all, pisces asc are good at picking up on other peoples energy. they can absorb others vibrations and anything around them and this can be a problem for them. Pisces asc will consistently have to connect to nature and cleanse more often than most because they can feel that sense of foggy-ness around them due to picking up on energy that is not their own. They will have to strengthen their discernment skills, level up with shields for the body and wearing certain garments/jewelery for protection because their auric fields naturally take in more than what they can handle.

5th House Plutonians are strong powerhouses in the form of creation. Their dark power is spilled out into the world of arts, giving them the nutrients they need in healing traumas or any dark thoughts thats been held in themselves for so long. Outlets that form a stage for these individuals makes for incredible perfomances that nobody will ever forget due to the way they make others feel. In this life time, they will learn to accept this power with grace because even if the way they feel performing for others makes them feel uncomfortable, someone is being triggered to feel those raw emotions that we hide in us. If they cant find an outlet for their creative expression, they will start to 'go crazy' and be more into psychotic behaviors that will make them lose touch of reality. This raw power that they have must be fed to others as we need to feel the deepness of our own bodies so that we can grow into the beings we are meant to be. Pluto in the 5th house can create an influencer who is just being themselves and the world around them is either inspired by or deeply maddens them. The gift of being yourself is their strongest attribute to society, and can be one of the ways for them to have power and establish some sort of wealth. If they never use this gift to soar into any artistic expression, the world would be missing a fine piece to the puzzle: Raw Truth. I hope this helps!

i hope yall enjoy!

[punksocks]

Astrology Observations No.23

*just based on my experiences only take what resonates

Quite a few people with Chiron in Gemini are singers, talented ones too

We always talk about intuition of Pisces and Scorpio but Cancer placements are also crazy intuitive. I feel like you really can’t fool someone about how you’re feeling with Cancer in the big 6.

Air moons tend to catch feelings when someone is unavailable; earth moons tend to catch feelings when someone is more stable/ambitious than them; fire moons tend to catch feelings when someone is passionate and courageous; water moons tend to catch feelings when someone has sort of dreamy/otherworldly energy to them (that unspoken spark really gets to water moons)

If you wanna seduce Venus in 9th, travel with them or teach them something new

if you want to win over someone with Venus in 2nd/Taurus you should get them gifts (can apply to earth moons too imo- as long as the gift is useful or high end for them)

Quietly I think Capricorn in the big 6 can make you just as domestic as cancer in the big 6, but a Capricorn is usually going to talk about/pay attention their public image more

Someone said the only thing they can’t deal with is someone throwing it back in your face when you try to help them/give them advice (like the other person saying you don’t care or that you’re just in it for yourself) and yeah that’s Virgo mars

Moon square/opposition to the ascendant could have people assume you’re putting on a personality/faking something

Saturn in Pisces is another placement to make sure you watch your mental health, all of Saturn’s consequences come at your subconscious

Do water risings seem to have a theme of like not trying to let their perspectives be colored by some sort of sadness ? (Cancer Asc - nostalgia /which isn’t always sad but if you hear cancer placements talk about it then they often filter their own nostalgia through a certain sadness; Scorpio Asc - traumatic experiences that shaped their perspective; Pisces Asc - a feeling of like ennui, a certain kind of listlessness)

Neptune in the houses can show frequent locations if your dreams (3rd house- school, childhood neighborhoods; 4th house- childhood home, places you’d visit a lot with your family; 6th house the workplace; 9th house places you’ve traveled to or want to go to, etc)

Something we don’t talk about with Chiron in 1st is that it’s an energy amplifier imo. So when you’re healed you give off healing energy, but when you’re unhealed or even toxic you subconsciously spread that energy around (or maybe consciously, a lot of people I’ve known that belittle and nitpick others from a place of insecurity have Chiron in 1st)

If mars aspects your 4th house you may have grown up fighting and arguing a lot, especially with your family but in your childhood environment in general

Taurus placements will have their whole day impacted by a disappointing meal (especially moons- also mars imo)

Aries placements have trouble maturing sometimes bc their sign is then youngest of the zodiac (Pisces is the old man but this can make them unclear and disconnected too)

Aquarius in the big 3 (especially Aquarius moon) tend to be really good at playing detached and calculating (in real life too lol but I’m thinking of Rosamund Pike and how well she sold her cool girl speech from gone girl - she’s a double Aquarius) (also in real life people aren’t always so predictable/controllable so this calculating behavior can go sideways sometimes)

I love how the Pluto in Scorpio generation is making all of this mainstream art about transformation and healing generational trauma (everything everywhere all at once is what I was watching when I thought of this)

Also I’m still working on how to utilize degree theory best but Daniel kwan (one of the everything everywhere all at once directors) has Scorpio moon at a cancer degree (19) and his most acclaimed movie so far is about depression, trauma, and generational curses (I love everything everywhere all at once pls watch it, I cried 3 times when I watched it and I’m a Capricorn moon so you know that means a lot lol)

[cammys-imagines24]

• Being in a Relationship with Kaz Brekker •

No one is going to dare touch you, that's for sure. Doesn't matter where you are, whether you're in the most shady parts of Ketterdam or the worst of pleasure houses.

No one will go near you or chance laying a hand on you. Not unless they'd like their face bludgeoned with a crow's head cane, everything they've ever loved taken from them and their bank account completely wiped out.

Though despite your unspoken protection and despite whatever rare intimacies Kaz may show you while in private, out in public he treats you as no more than a stranger.

He can't have others, enemies, seeing how much you mean to him. He can't have his preferential treatment slipping through the cracks and out into eyesight and hearing distance.

He would give you the world, burn down the heavens and lay claim to hell for you but any public displays of his affection is out of the question.

You know how crows will gift little trinkets to the people they're attached to? Well Kaz will literally do that with you.

Often you will happen upon little presents or useful gadgets resting on your pillow in your room at the Slat. All anonymous, because it's Kaz we're talking about but you know who they're from obviously.

It took a very, very long time for Kaz to open up to you and reveal to you his past, his trauma but once he decided of the place you held in his heart, he never backtracked ever again.

He will never keep a secret from you and you are the only one who is privy to all his plans, every single step. From plan A to plan F.

Kaz yearns, oh, he does yearn. His craving for you is more deep than the True Sea and more faithful than that of a compass showing you North.

But with his aversion, it is all about baby steps and you've accepted that about him.

For instance, if you're feeling upset or scared or even needing a bit of human to human contact Kaz has realized that if he gives you one of his gloves that that assists him.

By wearing one of his gloves you can touch his arm or rest your palm against the beating drum of his heart or even hold hands for a brief period.

He knows it isn't much and it kills him, it really does but it's the best he can offer at the moment.

Though every day Kaz feels like he's healing, brick by brick, because of you. And maybe one day you two needn't the gloves at all.

One day he wishes to touch you freely, openly. Getting past his fear and phobia if only to be graced with the brush of your lips against his or the warmth of your body.

With you Kaz tries, he really tries to be more than just "Dirtyhands" Brekker or the bastard of the barrel.

And sometimes, only you can see glimpses of Kaz. Just Kaz Rietveld. A boy in love.

[reiderwriter]

could you write a fic with a fem reader where spencer’s going through withdrawal and he’s being like snappy and stuff when she’s just trying to help? idk if that makes sense?

A/N: Thank you so much for the request! I'm sorry it took me so long ㅠㅠ I hope this is everything you were looking for!!

Pairing: Spencer Reid × GN! reader

Warnings: mentions of drug use, mentions of addiction in the family, and spoilers for Season 2 of Criminal Minds.

You can check out my masterlist here!

In comparison with the other members of the BAU, you had the most experience with recovery. So you knew that it wasn't easy. Spencer Reid didn't. 

The moment you'd noticed him stepping out on the team, spending more time isolated and with a shorter temper, you knew. Tobias Hankel had only tortured Spencer for a day, but he was still inside him even months later. 

The day you realised he was using, you moved yourself into his apartment. 

“Hi,” you said as he opened the doors, bleary-eyed from whatever hit he just dealt himself. “My apartment flooded, and I had nowhere else to go.” 

Spencer Reid would always help others before he helped himself. It took a few more hours to broach the discussion of the drugs, but when you did get him to give in, you could feel the weight flowing off his shoulders. 

“I can't get his face out of my mind. The drugs, they help. And I know they're not really helping, but it's like I'm not strong enough to care.” He'd broken down into tears, placed his supply on the tables in front of you  and picked open the wound that had never fully healed properly. 

Step one to recovery was accepting you needed help. Step two was harder. 

Slowly decreasing his intake until he was free of the drug. Watching him for any negative reactions in the field and at home, dealing with the underlying trauma. 

You had to talk to Hotch about it, of course. But he knew about your father, and to a certain extent, you knew about his. A single shared look was enough for you both to agree that Spencer needed everyone's support. 

So you dropped him off at his meetings. You picked him up afterwards. You watched him in the field for any mention of addiction and drug-related psychosis that could lead him down a dark path of what ifs. 

You held his hand. You kissed his head. You were there. 

Even when he tried to show you he didn't deserve it. 

“Spencer,” you'd started the conversation trying to get his attention, knowing from the far away look that he was missing the numbness that came with the high. 

“Spencer, you look tense. Are you okay?” He'd whipped his head around at the words, a scowl on his face. 

“You don't need to hover over me like I'm a child, Y/N.” 

“I want to know that you're okay.” You said back, pouring yourself a glass of water to calm yourself again. Sometimes, Spencer made every little question an attack, and you had to learn to dodge the blows.

“I can take care of myself.”

“I want to take care of you.” Your calm reply had him angrier though, as he snorted with a single reply. 

“Like you took care of your dad? That worked out so well, didn't it.” 

Ten years and any mention of the man who had raised you still had you freezing in shock. You almost didn't notice when your glass tumbled to the ground, to be smashed into a thousand tiny pieces.

It was almost as if the crash woke Spencer up from his stupor, his gaze growing regretful as he stood and approached you quickly. 

With a hand and a shake of a head, you stopped him, though.

“Let me clear the large pieces on my own. I don't want you to get hurt.” Kneeling, you did just that, picking out recognisable edges and sides and transporting them carefully into the trash. 

“I'm not going to sit here and let you do all the work, Y/N. I'm… I'm sorry.” His voice whispered those last few words as he kneeled next to you  sweeping the glass up, careful not to cut himself on it. 

You wiped the tears from your eyes as both of you worked busily, letting your argument hang in the air between you.

“I know you're sorry, Spencer,” you whispered as the two of you worked, still not brave enough to look him in the eyes. “My dad was, too. He never meant it, though.” 

“I mean it.” He stopped moving, and you finally looked up to his eyes, to the life there that sparked, that had been buried by Tobias Hankel. Motivation. 

With the glass cleared, he stood, reaching out a hand to you to help you up. You took it, letting him assist you. He didn't let go after, though. Not immediately. 

He stepped closer, and you relaxed into his chest, resting an ear over his heart. It was still beating, and that was what mattered. 

“I can't fix you, Spencer. I can't make this better. I can't do that for you, because you have to do it for yourself. That's what my dad never understood.” Your voice was barely audible, but you knew he could hear and knew he was listening. 

“I can't reverse what he did to you. But I promise, I will be here to remind you that you are a good man. To remind you of what you are like when you're you  how much I love you, how much we all love you.”

“I'll stand next to you and look into that mirror every morning and tell you what I see. A good man on the bad days, the same man on the good days. I don't want to fix you, Spencer. I want to love you, and I want you to accept that you're worth it.”

His head rested on top of yours, and you could feel his small wrecks of tears as he sniffled. Inhaling your scent, he could've spent the night wrapped in your arms like that.

“Thank you. For saying that. For being here. I know it's not easy.” 

“It's not. But you're worth it.” Clinging to him, you let the moments tick by, never releasing him from your warm embrace. 

[daportalpractitioner]

the triple goddess in astrology

the triple goddess is represented by 3 archetypes in 1 to describe the multi-layered experience of the divine feminine. they are the maiden, the mother, and the crone.

the maiden: venus

the maiden is the archetype of the young woman who is grounded in her identity, her sexuality, her gifts, her desires, and her standards. she's confident in herself and what she wants, allowing her to cultivate meaningful connections that elevate her on this soul journey. she recognizes that this is her world and you are just living in it. the sign of your venus tells you how you are meant to embody this maiden innerG.

☾⋆｡ for example, a virgo venus is meant to embody her maiden energy through being of service to herself and others with integrity. this means that she doesn't let people take advantage of her and she doesn't do shit for people with manipulative intentions. she only allows what serves her highest good into her life, from what she eats to the environments that she takes space in, because when she focuses and allows only what serves her, she is also of service to The Most High.

the mother: moon

the mother is the archetype of the woman who gives birth to her creations + nurtures them so that they can grow to sustain life on their own. this is deeper than just having kids —this applies to all creations which once started off as a desire. she is an effective nurturer because she recognizes the importance of taking care of herself first. she uses her heart space to heal her wounds through compassion + forgiveness and in turn cultivates a loving community through the love that she fosters. her first home is herself and her life is a desired reflection of everything she already holds within her. the sign of your moon tells you how you are meant to embody your inner mother innerG.

☾⋆｡ for example, a capricorn moon is meant to embody their mother innerG by reconciling the energy connected to family trauma (especially their parental relationships) and not letting their childhood traumas + resentment bleed into the way that they care for themselves and others. she doesn't add unnecessary pressure to herself and shows grace to self + others. she leads by not being too hard on herself and those that look up to her and depend on her. she trusts herself to lean into her femininity + allows others to support her instead of always being the one that others are always relying on.

the crone: saturn

the crone archetype is the wise, older woman who is a pillar in the community, being able to provide support and insight for others due to the hardships + lessons that she experienced. people look up to her as an authority figure because she has the wisdom to guide others in the right direction. she isn't distracted by what's going on in the world + uses her time wisely because she's aware that she won't be here forever. she doesn't entertain bullshit and while others may call her mean, she stands firm on her boundaries. this is that grandmotherly innerG that is very supportive + protective of our highest good by holding us accountable. the sign of your saturn is meant to show you how to embody your inner crone.

☾⋆｡ for example, a cancer saturn is meant to embody their crone by holding herself emotionally accountable to cultivate healthy connections with others. she is aware of the "generational curses" that she has karmically acquired though the bloodline and doesn't play the blame game, recognizing that it is her duty to break those curses so that those same karmic patterns aren't played out in her connections and the family that she has/will create for herself one day. she is aware of the complexity of humans + their emotions and is able to teach + heal others through her own experiences with family + other loved ones that are or were once near and dear to the heart.