#this theory changes things

[plagueislost]

i love being late to trends. my new years resolution is to be late to every trend ever. and you know im serious because im even late to new years.

(theres an inverse version of this by @chamiryokuroi , you should go check it out! i started making this before i saw theirs, but i think its cool that now theres both versions)

[snogfairy]

"apparently if we do a miracle together it all works a bit too well" listen LISTEN i think this is why. i think the magnitude and power of that miracle they did together is what alerted the metatron and why he has come to separate them by all means, because they have not realized yet quite how powerful they are together and what that could mean!! this is why, i think???? they used to do each other's miracles and temptations for each other, but never with, and that could change everythign and could get in the way of certain Ineffable Plans (that i don't think are necessarily God's, looking at you villain metatrash)

[artylla]

now they're frightened of leaving it

everyone's weaving it

[egophiliac]

Hi it's just to let you know that the official romanization of Revaan's name is Raverne ! Also they have romanized Baul's name to Baur !

Twst coming back at us again with the least expected romanization! thank you everybody (oh god my inbox) (no it's great, I literally asked for this and the reactions have been INCREDIBLE, thank you all!)

I do like Raverne though, I think it's got a nice fancy sound to it! (I had kinda suspected it was going to be an R instead of an L, so the fact that it's SO close to Laverne except for that is hilarious to me personally.) and Dragoneye Duke is honestly probably the best translation for his title, I wasn't envying the localizers that one. :') Baur instead of Baul I was NOT expecting, but in retrospect I think his name's supposed to be a reference to the Bauru crocodile, so that actually makes way more sense!

someone else also said Meleanor has become Maleanor, which is the REALLY weird one to me, because I was so surprised it was written as Mel instead of Mal in the first place?! oh god no I can't decide which one I like better. 😭 (I wonder if they might change it to Mal...they have made romanization changes before) (like I remember House of Distraction being corrected to House of Destruction in Playful Land) (I did check and she's still Mel for now, but I dunno, they might Mal her up and some point and save me from having to make a decision about which one to use) (HECK I CAN'T DECIDE)

uhhhh thank you for letting me ramble about anime names, let's just say MONOGRAMMED SWEATERS FOR EVERYONE

[gothra]

I’ll never forget when I was arguing with a person in favor of total prison abolition and I asked them “what about violent offenders?” And they said “Well, in a world where prisons have been abolished, we’ll have leveled the playing field and everyone will have their basic needs met, and crime won’t be as much of an issue.” And then I was like “okay. But…no. Because rich people also rape and murder, so it isn’t just a poor person thing. So what will we do about that?” And I don’t think they answered me after that. I’m ashamed to say I continued to think that the problem was that I simply didn’t understand prison abolitionists enough and that their point was right in front of me, and it would click once I finally let myself understand it. It took me a long time to realize that if something is going to make sense, it needs to make sense. If you want to turn theory into Praxis (I’m using that word right don’t correct me I’ll vomit) everyone needs to be on board, which mean it all needs to click and it needs to click fast and fucking clear. You need to turn a complex idea into something both digestible and flexible enough to be expanded upon. Every time I ask a prison abolitionist what they actually intend to do about violent crime, I get directed to a summer reading list and a BreadTuber. It’s like a sleight-of-hand trick. Where’s the answer to my question. There it is. No wait, there it is. It’s under this cup. No it isn’t. “There’s theory that can explain this better than I can.” As if most theory isn’t just a collection of essays meant to be absorbed and discussed by academics, not the average skeptic. “Read this book.” And the book won’t even answer the question. The book tells you to go ask someone else. “Oh, watch this so-and-so, she totally explains it better than me.” Why can’t you explain it at all? Why did you even bring it up if you were going to point me to someone else to give me the basics that you should probably already know? Maybe I’m just one of those crazy people who thinks that some people need to be kept away from the public for everyone’s good. Maybe that just makes me insane. Maybe not believing that pervasive systemic misogyny could be solved with a UBI and a prayer circle makes me a bad guy. But it’s not like women’s safety is a priority anyway. It’s not like there is an objective claim to be made that re-releasing violent offenders or simply not locking them up is deadly.

[mcdfanaticx3]

Zane Ro’Meave redesign done… He has two versions one with a hood and one without

I decided to give him some more Irene Motifs mostly cause he’s her high priest. I think I went heavy with inspiration from Irene’s skin lmao

Anyway, in my rewrite, white, blue and purple are associated with Irene and are seen as pure and rich colours.

Zane wears those robes because of that association and because it makes him look pure. He has an image to maintain after all. (Very ironic considering) and i replaced his mask with a veil because i think its a banger concept

I also like to think Irene and Zane have parallels considering they’re both willing to do bad things for what they perceive is good and also because they both show an image of purity even though that is highly debatable

(The only other character that wears Purple is Aphmau... just to connect them and differentiate them at the same time.)

Also Decided to replace the crosses with Irene’s symbol, hopefully I did it justice

Aside from that, I gave him curly hair and you can see a scar under the eye he covers.

I’m thinking assassination attempt that injured him (he’s blind partially now) and killed Vylad from a political rival which also led to Garroth running away. Don’t know about this yet though.

Clearer representation of my redesign below

Without Hood

With Hood

Bonus under the cut

[buttermilkami]

DEVSISTERS IF YOU EVER DO HAIR DOWN HOLLYBERRY MY LIFE IS YOURS

also lil rendering thingy bc hollyberry’s hair looks juicy

also also greek costume hollyberry please

and a lil sprinkle of hollysugar because the leaks so far is just yuri bruh (one day ill just make full blown ship art just you guys wait)

[iffasart]

Benrius week Day 1: love languages

Idrk what love languages are but Ben crafts thing as a therapeutic hobby after crashing in darius house because of the van's death and darius keeps them (basically the "i got this rock for you", "oh thanks!" trope)

[kkoct-ik]

milgram analysis: the orekoto (オレ) of Neoplasm is not the orekoto (俺) of John Doe

analysing both orekotos and then some, how mikoto's dissociation misdirects us, and how mikoto's DID operates to help him function, to express what he needs but cannot tolerate, and to cope with shame.

will be referring both to milgram-en's (John Doe, Neoplasm) and Maristelina's (timeline) translations. thank you for your work!

note on names: for the purposes of this post:

mikoto refers to the person/system, all parts included

'mikoto' refers to any normative mikoto, ie. not either ore. i'm not going to assume the normative mikoto from John Doe is the same alter as the normative mikoto in Neoplasm, because i don't think they are, but that's for another time. for now, I am grouping them together, because, functionally, mikoto's normal parts serve the same purpose and role for this discussion.

ore (俺) and mikoto (俺) refer to the mikoto that appears in the John Doe (Trial 1) voice drama and attacks es.

ore (オレ) and mikoto (オレ) refer to the mikoto that appears in the Neoplasm (Trial 2) voice drama and claims to be the alter who commit murder.

if you can't read japanese, just remember that any name with one japanese character (俺) refers to the ore of trial 1, and any name with two characters (オレ) refers to the ore of trial 2. these are how both ores' personal pronouns are spelled according to the official scriptbooks, respectively.

i also use the word 'unacceptable' 'intolerable' etc. a lot in this analysis. please note i don't use this word in a judgemental way. i will always mean it in the sense that whatever i am referring to 'cannot be accepted/tolerated by mikoto/the world he comes from'.

i'm working with translations and mikoto is a complicated character, so please forgive any slip ups!

thank you for reading.

introduction: there's two orekotos?

mikoto's case, as i've criticised in my last major essay, is often reduced to a conflict between how one votes a system of one 'innocent' personality and one 'guilty'.

as part of the reducing of his character to a split personality trope, it is popular and easy to assume that mikoto only has two major alters: 'mikoto' (who appears normative, uses the boku personal pronoun, and has a confused, sociable demeanour) and 'the other one' (who appears more aggressive, uses the ore personal pronoun, and noticeably switches in at some point during both VDs).

i'm also guilty of this assumption. despite having a sense that things were not that simple, i have assumed, for convenience, that both ores were the same alter, mostly because the ore (オレ) of Neoplasm expresses familiarity with ore's (俺) actions in John Doe (in that he references the event immediately after switching in, amongst other things), and i had no major reason to question that continuity.

at the end of the day, mikoto is mikoto, and since i had (and still have) no interest in attributing guilt to any specific alter, i didn't have a major reason to deduce which alter 'did what'.

(it's also more important to me to dissect what alters think they did and identify with than literally did, because its in how alters psychologically divide up their life and actions once they've happened that their purposes for existing and dissociative functions shine. my last essay was also almost entirely focused on Neoplasm in isolation, so i stand by most of what i said — just replace any assumptions that ore (オレ) is ore (俺) with their new relationship that i'm about to identify.)

all this said, despite surface-level similarities (seeming to use the same personal pronoun, both speaking roughly, existing as a protective force, and identifying as/presenting themselves as the archetypal 'monster'), the way these two alters — ore (俺) and ore (オレ) — function and think are also very distinct from one another. despite the intentional misdirection that would have you assume they are the same part, both ores display very different approaches to responding to and coping with mikoto's life and traumas, and we have seen them emerge respectively based on mikoto's different, changing circumstances within Milgram and the triggers he encounters.

after the extent of this fully dawned on me the other day, it also occured to me that distinguishing them could be very clarifying for how mikoto has grown to function and cope with his life and actions, and also, maybe, finally shatter the illusory binary that surface-level fanon is so attached to.

so. enjoy.

main body 1: psychoanalysing the ore (俺) of John Doe

the ore (俺) that appears in John Doe switches in after mikoto begins to have a panic attack at es' ceaseless prodding.

we can analyse what seems to have triggered mikoto (俺) forward as a starting point for deducing this part's purpose and understanding where mikoto's headspace was at to contextualise his behaviour, so let's assess the situation.

normative 'mikoto', who is present for the majority of John Doe, presumably exists as an alter to allow mikoto to function and engage with people. he seems to do this by having no awareness (or at least, identification) with anything shameful and intolerable, including his murders, and identity as a killer.

therefore, es' insistence to 'mikoto' that he has killed pushes mikoto into a situation that this normative alter is fundamentally unable to handle. es' suggestion of dissociative amnesia also directly attacks the plausible deniability and dissociation normative 'mikoto' clings to to cope. in order to protect himself and preserve his dissociative defense mechanisms, mikoto finds himself required to switch into an alter more suited to this situation, and disengage normative 'mikoto' from this psychological attack.

it is also worth pointing out that es is an authority, and an abusive one at that; considering that mikoto has suffered workplace abuse (as seen in the relentless texts from his chief outside of work hours in Double) it is almost certain that mikoto has been belittled, scapegoated, and pushed to his limits by higher-ups at work before. this situation that es is subjecting mikoto to is not only psychologically overwhelming to his normative alter, but also emulates a source of trauma for mikoto, and thus will absolutely trigger his fight/flight/etc.

lingo: fight/flight/freeze/fawn are words used for different areas of common stress and trauma responses. the principle is, when faced with an overwhelming threat, you may become aggressive and combative (fight), may become restless and want to escape (flight), may shut down (freeze), or may try to appease the threat (fawn).

mikoto is currently in an interrogation room, within Milgram: he cannot run. simply shutting down will not stop es from provoking him. and he has tried to appease es, to be friendly, and seem pathetic, and es has not wavered. the only real option left for mikoto's completely fried nervous system is to remove normative mikoto from the scene, and then force/intimidate/beat the threat into submission.

whew, what an adrenaline rush.

mikoto's (俺) initial demeanour is mostly an expression of his fight response that has been triggered and rage at this situation that 'mikoto' could not handle. mikoto (俺) lashes out at es, yells, curses, and loudly expresses that es' prodding has been far too much for him. he's pissed, and honestly, i don't think he's overreacting. he's far from the first prisoner to attempt to attack es, and he only does it when pushed to his absolute emotional limit, on multiple accounts.

as the scene progresses, mikoto's (俺) rhetoric becomes reminiscent of abusive people of power. a friend i have has pointed out that these lines in particular sound a lot like what a shitty, ageist boss would yell at a young new recruit to verbally abuse them into submission and impose their authority. it's likely ore (俺) is emulating the kinds of things people have said to mikoto, that have forced him into submission, to protect himself, in the hopes that he can turn the tables on es and reap the benefits of becoming the abuser, so to speak. he refuses to engage with whatever es is saying, and focuses on establishing his power through force and verbal abuse.

this bit is speculation, but i do think the fact that es is on the smaller side definitely helps mikoto, triggered into fight response, feel like he should be able to hold power over him. mikoto may see himself in es and feel incredibly angry that es, while small, is in a position of power that he himself never had, with mikoto therefore wanting to put them in their place.

ore (俺) also projects a demeanour of being somewhat sadistic, likely because of just how fucking angry he is at this moment, and especially because es is not easily slipping into the fawning role that mikoto would in his position. he also may be enjoying the high of not being the victim for once, and now that he's in this position, wants to make the most of it, and really prove his point.

essentially, mikoto's (俺) demeanour communicates, don't mess with me, i'm bigger than you. i won't lie down and take this shit, and you have no business hurting or challenging me.

i know this is from neoplasm and is ore (オレ) speaking. i'm using it to illustrate what 'mikoto' does not not do (ie. not cry himself to sleep, not suffer in silence, fight back).

when applying ore (俺)'s demeanour back to how mikoto typically presents and conceptualises himself, it becomes very obvious that everything about mikoto (俺) is intolerable and unacceptable to mikoto as a whole.

being angry, to mikoto, is not acceptable. expressing anger and fighting back against injustice is not acceptable. challenging your place in the social hierarchy and acting outside of socially acceptable behaviour is not acceptable, because all of these are expressions that would lead to dire consequences in his life and within his culture, despite being natural human emotions and expressions.

if these rudimentary and necessary human emotions and rights are unacceptable to mikoto, it can help, psychologically, for the part that handles/contains/expresses them to present themselves as a different sort of person. by wholly dissociating himself from this side of himself — such as this episode, or any other instances of standing up for himself or feeling unacceptable feelings — mikoto can protect himself, and have these unacceptable parts, without compromising his self image; 'mikoto' remains unchanged, unrelated, untainted, because it was absolutely 'not mikoto' that did or felt those things.

what a lovely dissociative contradiction.

the further mikoto (俺) is from how mikoto typically presents, the easier it may be for mikoto to reassure himself that anything they do was 'not him' or 'not real' and entirely cut himself off from identifying with or processing that memory or act. therefore, appearing sadistic when expressing his anger at injustice is not only practical for successfully intimidating es, but may also be part of ore's (俺) (and many of mikoto's parts') presentation as the archetypal 'monster', and clearly 'not mikoto', that helps to reassure mikoto of their estrangement.

this estrangement also helps ore (俺) to protect himself from everything 'mikoto' is associated with (namely, having to be friendly and conscious of his social position, and being a person who tolerates abuse). while the change in accent, personal pronoun, sense of status, the abusive rhetoric he regurgitates, and overall departure from mikoto's typical presenting personality all add to the prior point and to 'mikoto's benefit, it also helps ore (俺) feel like a different person, who is not constrained by having to tolerate things and acting according to his social position. this helps ore (俺) emotionally remove himself from the fact 'mikoto' was trapped and overwhelmed, and allows him to express the intolerable things he does.

unfortunately, emulating the tactics of his abusers and portraying himself as a rough-speaking tough guy who is sadistic and cruel did not go over well with the audience. you might say that this mask was a little too convincing.

we can be almost certain ore (俺) did not fully grasp the position he was in, and the extent of the scrutiny that would go into his behaviour. we can also be certain ore (俺) had no idea he would be unique in being able to attack es, and the ramifications of such.

despite not being uniquely violent as a prisoner, because mikoto was successful in the attack due to the alters loophole, mikoto seems more violent than the others. it also doesn't help mikoto was put under severe psychological pressure, by es being incredibly careless with his dissociative barriers, leading to a sudden and extreme trauma-triggered switch.

it also doesn't help that there is a lot of social stigma in the real world around the mentally ill being unpredictable, violent, and senselessly volatile, and mikoto seemed to align with that, and thus the audience came to conclusions about what this outburst 'meant' about mikoto and the circumstances of his crime.

the audience at large did not like his vibe, and mikoto was deemed unforgiven.

in summary, John Doe ore (俺):

emerges when mikoto is overwhelmed and has his fight response triggered, exhausted of all other options to combatting an overwhelming psychological attack.

presents himself as the archetypal 'monster' (using rough speak, threats, and becoming violent) to intimidate es, stop their prodding at his dissociative barriers that keep him functional and stable, and hopefully prevent further abuse.

main body 2: defining the ore (オレ) of Neoplasm (quick section)

before i dig into Neoplasm, ore (オレ), and ore's (オレ) relationship to ore (俺), i have actually already written an essay and a half analysing ore's (オレ) presentation and motivations in Neoplasm here.

i'm not going to repeat all of my analysis, but i'll summarise the relevant bits, so we are on the same page going forward:

essentially, in Neoplasm, ore (オレ):

emerges coming into trial 2 to be interrogated by es, makes a point to identify 'himself' and only 'himself' as the killer, and spends almost all of his time negotiating mikoto's innocence accordingly.

claims his purpose is to "take it all - bear it all (...) [and] be rid of it."

presents himself as the archetypal 'monster' (using rough speak, threats, dehumanising himself, and making no effort to provide motive or explanation for his murders) to make himself appear unsympathetic and mikoto, in contrast, purely a victim.

you'll see already that the way the two ores function are pretty distinct. despite both having rough demeanours, functioning to protect himself, and evoking the archetypal 'monster', the circumstances in which they come forward and their specific goals in the moment and with their presentations are very different.

despite this distinction, ore (オレ) does intentionally seem to imply that he and ore (俺) are the same, and definitely does not correct this assumption on es' part. so what gives?

main body 3: psychoanalysing the ore (オレ) of Neoplasm

well, let's analyse the circumstances of ore's (オレ) appearance and callbacks, consider ore's (オレ) self-proclaimed purpose and role, and deduce the practical advantages of misleading es and the audience in this specific way.

very importantly, coming into trial 2 and the opening of Neoplasm, the situation for mikoto has changed, a lot.

firstly, mikoto has been voted guilty once. that is to say, whatever mikoto did in John Doe, did not work in his favour. he's also familiarised himself with Milgram by now, and is more aware of his position. so, he's not going to try what he did in John Doe again.

secondly, despite his 'odd case' meaning he has been free to roam the prison, he is chained and restrained for the events of Neoplasm. this also essentially eliminates the chance of any fight or flight response should he be triggered again, doubly.

differently to what brings ore (俺) out, the ore (オレ) of Neoplasm switches in with little fanfare, after a short period of a very dissociated mikoto expressing that he doesn't understand what's going on.

the specific note that he switches in on is on the note of being accused of things — mid sentence, he goes from passively laughing about his hopeless situation, to expressing irritation at it. before the switch, this 'mikoto' expresses that laughing things off comes naturally to him; it's likely this 'mikoto' is unable to feel or identify with frustration as 'himself', hence, the switch.

i also think, due to ore's (オレ) role (as the scapegoat alter who identifies with acts, takes blame and singular responsibility, and may already be planing to lean into his disconnect from 'mikoto' to absolve him), it was very necessary for him to come forward and negotiate with es at some point. hence, the situation of being interrogated by es (and specifically, the topic of blame) brings ore (オレ) forward.

after es immediately verbally takes note of the switch, ore (オレ) makes himself known; he does not pretend nothing has happened or continue with his train of thought. he immediately calls back to ore's (俺) actions in John Doe, implying that this is the same alter that perpetrated them, and generally associates himself with these parts of mikoto that are typically intolerable to him.

(note that while in the original text no specific personal pronoun is used, the obvious implication of bringing up the attack on es immediately after switching in is to create a connection between 'that' ore and 'this' ore. also, assuming the audience has a rudimentary understanding of DID, this alter not having amnesia for the event would also imply that it must be the same alter that perpetrated it.)

in my opinion, and the reason i was typically reluctant to interrogate which of mikoto's alters 'did what', the only reason for calling back to an alter's continuity like this is to establish blame. this goes double when the continuity involves associating yourself with typically intolerable (and socially unacceptable) acts, and triple when, as we have seen as Neoplasm progresses, this alter is generally entirely concerned with taking blame for 'mikoto' to relieve him of culpability and negotiate his physical and psychological freedom.

assuming ore (オレ) is associating and aligning himself with ore's (俺) actions as a way to take the blame for them, there are a few ways we can make sense of this decision.

1: in light of what we know about ore (オレ) as a scapegoat alter who clearly hates himself, who has taken responsibility for their murders to protect 'mikoto's self-image, one likely answer as to why he takes responsibility for ore's (俺) outburst is because he is an alter that handles shame.

even towards the beginning of Neoplasm, ore (オレ) expresses a desire to be dehumanised, and implies that typically, he is not considered human, likely because that would make matters of shame simpler: he is irredeemable, he is a monster, he is everything wrong, this is simply who he is.

this makes it likely to me that whenever mikoto expresses intolerable things or feels shame/is shamed for acting inappropriately, it would be the job of this alter to internalise the emotional fallout, reinforcing this self-image, all slightly away from normative 'mikoto', to protect 'mikoto's self esteem and ability to function. this existence would require ore (オレ) to be aware of any shameful things mikoto has done, including any standing up for himself as mikoto (俺).

mikoto essentially disowns and vilifies anything he does or expresses he considers socially unacceptable through having mikoto (オレ), who sees himself as a 'monster', take responsibility for all his shameful acts. ore (オレ) also handles and makes sense of the overwhelming shame mikoto feels for these acts, expressions, and abuse he has suffered through this way of seeing himself.

this implied long-term vilification of and 'inherent badness' to ore (オレ) could also tie in to a possibility of ore (オレ) existing before the events of milgram, as a part of mikoto that handled shame in his daily life and due to his everyday traumas.

it is also very common for other alters to reinforce introjected abusive rhetoric and lash out at parts that contain and handle shame.

when the person, as a whole, has been made shameful, but most alters cannot handle that level of shame, a typical response is for most alters to dissociate from it, and instead emulate the abuse they have suffered and inner critic they have developed onto only a part of them. this dissociative scapegoating protects the majority of the system from the feeling and experience of being shamed and belittled by themselves, and contains the overwhelming shame in one extreme, but often repressed part.

the fact the majority of mikoto's alters' seem psychologically unable to handle being or acting shamefully, instead blaming and verbally abusing a part who takes responsibility and is scapegoated for everything, and feels shame for everything, is textbook.

i find it likely that to protect himself from abuse at work, mikoto subconsciously separated himself from the 'him' that felt shame, and this alter grew to develop the belief that he must be, and may deserve to be made, responsible for everything.

2: in light of what we know about ore (オレ) as a scapegoat alter who intends to sacrifice himself while bearing all mikoto's sins, one likely answer as to why he takes responsibility for ore's (俺) outburst is also because mikoto's (俺) acts have put him into deep trouble.

towards the beginning of Neoplasm, ore (オレ) comments that one reason he feels he has been out a lot, as opposed to normative 'mikoto', is because of their guilty verdict. i find this makes sense. because 'mikoto' was labelled as culpable for his actions and the audience did not buy the alter excuse, mikoto has been forced from normalcy and forced to reside in a shame part more suited to this reality, where 'mikoto' is unforgiven, socially unacceptable, and labelled as 'dangerous' and otherwise ostracised.

mikoto, in general, does not seem very happy about this. after all, it's in his best interest to remain normative and functional and socially accepted. therefore, mikoto needs to work out how to be forgiven, and overcome the social predicament he has found himself in (both in terms of being a murderer, and being considered a 'volatile' mentally ill man due to his outburst).

the strategy mikoto lands on in Neoplasm comes in the form of ore (オレ) scapegoating himself for the murders, claiming to es that he perpetrated them without mikoto's consent or control, yada yada, as explored in my last essay.

considering the predicament mikoto is in is not only about being a murderer however, and ore (オレ) considers his role to "take it all - bear it all (…) [and] be rid of it," it would also make sense that for his attempted crucifixion, ore (オレ) would take on the responsibility of everything that has rubbed the audience the wrong way, before promising to vanish.

this includes his murders, but it also includes mikoto's (俺) intolerable and socially unacceptable outburst in John Doe, and mikoto's general being considered 'a man with alters, that make him dangerous'.

ore (オレ) wants the audience (and also, probably, himself) to think that after he has 'disappeared', everything unacceptable about mikoto will be gone; the 'alter that murdered', is ore (オレ), and will be gone, the 'alter that lashed out in John Doe', is ore (オレ), and will be gone, and perhaps even 'mikoto's alters in their entirety, that frighten people', are only ore (オレ), and will be gone.

hence, ore (オレ) takes responsibility for everything, before promising to vanquish it, accumulating every symbol and act and demeanour that may have made mikoto unforgiven, and promising to be rid of it, in the desperate attempt to return normalcy and forgiveness to themselves.

(in fact, he even may have implied he and ore (俺) are one and the same, and thus leaned into the presumption that there are only two alters, to make his (オレ) decision to vanish seem like a 'cure' for mikoto's DID (in leaving only the 'normative alter' in existence), and therefore free mikoto from the socially unacceptable status of being an 'othered' mentally ill man with alters, a status that has become apparent as Milgram has progressed and mikoto has been scrutinised. i hope i don't have to explain that you don't 'cure' DID by lobotomising yourself, and mikoto is currently learning this the hard way, based on his T3 lines, but as long as the audience is swayed to this way of thinking, and it is possible ore (オレ) genuinely believed removing all trace of mikoto's mental illness in 'vanishing' 'his alter, who is responsible for everything unacceptable' could help, is all that matters.)

this, actually, brings me into the third element, that i'm going to make a nice little title for, despite being a continuation of the ore (オレ) psychoanalysis, and another possible reason for why he gives us the impression he and ore (俺) are the same.

main body 4: mikoto's convenient false binary

as i said when i opened this essay, mikoto's case is often reduced to a conflict between how one votes a system of one 'innocent' personality and one 'guilty'.

when it comes to approaching and attempting to understand mikoto's crime, many people abstract him, and reduce him to a stock, hollywood, split-personality stereotype. this model, while simplistic and reductive, is easy for a lot of people to understand.

compared to real DID, in which a person is so conflicted on themselves and their actions that it sometimes feels as if they are possessed, and may not understand what they do or who they are, with a lot of muddy middle ground between self-states, identity and memory discontinuation, and blurring, split personality trope provides clearly defined boundaries.

clearly defined boundaries are an illusion in DID. they are also something a person with DID may attempt to reinforce when something a part of them handles or represents is intolerable to them. drawing a firm boundary in their mind helps them feel that they are separate from this part of themselves, and may help to explain the feeling of separatedness: 'if i feel it, it must be true'.

often, it is easiest for a person with DID to make sense of themselves to see themselves as multiple distinct entities, reflecting the different parts of self they have and the barriers between them. and yet, even so, most people with DID struggle with blurriness and existing beyond the confines they've drawn in the sand to make sense of themselves. at the end of the day, a model for understanding one's self is only a model.

that is to say, DID is messy, contradictory, and muddy.

mikoto, with no real coping mechanisms to overcome his symptoms, at the end of his psychological rope, and on the chopping block in Milgram, with already one guilty verdict under his belt, is not in a position to be messy, contradictory, and muddy.

he needs to be easy to understand. he needs to have clearly defined boundaries.

not only is it personally important for ore (オレ) to take the blame alone for all of his shameful actions, and then disappear, but if ore (オレ) can sell to the audience that there are only two alters, clearly defined, one innocent and one guilty, and play along with how the audience stereotypes and abstracts him into a conventional split-personality trope, ore (オレ) can sway the vote to his favour, and attain a forgiven vote, providing (relative) normalcy and social acceptance within Milgram for 'mikoto'.

by leaning into the false binary, creating false continuation between different normative mikotos and between different scapegoated and unacceptable mikotos, and make it seem as if there is no middle ground between them, mikoto creates a 'good' and an 'evil', a 'guilty' and an 'innocent'. he can compartmentalise everything in him that he feels has caused him abuse, blame all his outbursts and crimes on it, and then promise to vanquish it.

and if, 'without' his unacceptable, parts (who are clearly 'monsters', killers, and act out without reason) he is only his normative selves, who have 'done nothing wrong' and were 'helpless to their other side', and will never cause any issues again, the question of what Milgram's audience should do with mikoto becomes simple.

you vote to forgive mikoto.

and wow, it really worked. well done, mikoto. well done, ore (オレ). well done leaning into your own complex dissociation, the illusion of defined boundaries, and the audience's own pop-culture understanding of DID.

conclusion / tl;dr:

the ore (俺) that appears in John Doe and ore (オレ) that appears in Neoplasm are two separate alters. despite appearing on a surface level to have similar demeanours, and both portraying themselves as 'different kinds of people' to mikoto to help mikoto reassure himself they are 'not him, their triggers, actions, reasons, and motivations are distinct.

while ore's (俺) demeanour, aggression, and rhetoric serves to intimidate and challenge an overwhelming threat and escape from the confines of 'mikoto's identity to allow him to protect himself, ore (オレ) emulates a similar demeanour to portray himself as a shameful 'monster' who does not conform to socially acceptable behaviour and represents everything unacceptable about mikoto, to serve as a scapegoat.

despite the fact they are different, ore (オレ) intentionally leads the audience to believe that he is responsible for mikoto's outburst in John Doe, likely due to his role as an alter who handles mikoto's shame and takes the blame for everything mikoto deems unacceptable about himself, as well this claim being convenient for his ultimate plan to be crucified while bearing every unacceptable part of mikoto, in the pursuit of mikoto's forgiveness.

ore (オレ)'s misdirection also ties into the illusion of alter separatedness and mikoto's false binary, that he both utilises to cope, and to navigate the Milgram audience's expectations, as a strategy for securing his forgiveness, as well.

epilogue / reflection

i accidentally strayed into another essay i'm working on towards the end there. i am fascinated by how mikoto responds to the label of DID and conforms to the audience's stigmas and models they apply to him. a full essay on that train of thought is in the works. hang in there. that end bit was just a taste, i guess.

as always, please let me know if any of this is incomprehensible. i can be wordy, and i may accidentally use inaccessible DID jargon. if i have, please let me know and i will correct it. it is very important to me that my analysis can be understood and discussed (and even challenged!) by a wide audience.

anyway, pat yourself on the back, because, even not including text in images, you've officially read 5k words of nonstop mikoto analysis. this is longer than my 'john didn't do it' essay. holy fuck.

i hope you enjoyed. & thank you for sticking with me

no funny meme this time. go mikoto dance.

[s0fter-sin]

one of my favourite aspects of supernatural that you very rarely see in paranormal shows is that sam and dean are already versed in the world they live in. there’s no sudden discovery of ghosts and demons and now they have to learn about them along with the audience; they are born into it and already know all about it. it allows the audience to follow their personal story instead of also trying to figure out this new world and its rules

the first season is full of knowledge we never see them learn; “w*ndigoes are in the minnesota woods or- or northern michigan. i’ve never even heard of one this far west.” […] “great. well then this [his gun] is useless.” (1x02), “you don’t break a curse. you get the hell out of its way.” (1x08), d: “it’s a god. a pagan god, anyway.” […] “the annual cycle of its killings? and the fact that the victims are always a man and a woman. like some kind of fertility right.” […] s: “the last meal. given to sacrificial victims. d: “yeah, i’m thinking a ritual sacrifice to appease some pagan god.” (1x11)

almost every episode in the first season is a monster they’ve faced before that they then explain to the audience in a way that should feel patronising; like it’s the same speech given over and over again but instead, the audience almost feels included in the knowledge. it’s stated with such an innate confidence and comfort in said knowledge that it feels like we already knew it too; “spirits and demons don't have to unlock doors. if they want inside, they just go through the walls.” […] “the claws, the speed that it moves; could be a skinwalker, maybe a black dog.” (1x02), “it's biblical numerology. you know noah's ark, it rained for forty days. the number means death.” (1x04), “no no no, not the reaper, a reaper. there's reaper lore in pretty much every culture on earth, it goes by 100 different names.” […] “you said it yourself that the clock stopped, right? reapers stop time. and you can only see 'em when they're coming at you which is why i could see it and you couldn't.” (1x12)

they already know and, at least in the first season, already have what they need to kill whatever they’re hunting; already know to salt and burn bones for spirits, fire for a w*ndigo, exorcisms for demons, a silver bullet to the heart for shapeshifters. there’s only three times in the entire first season that they run into something new to them; 1x14 when sam gets his first vision that leads him to another psychic, 1x16 when dean calls caleb for help on the sigil he put together and he tells him about daevas, and 1x20 when they find out vampires are real- and they only don’t know that bc john thought they were hunted to extinction and not worth mentioning

(there’s also technically two half instances if you count one of them knowing something the other doesn’t - sam figuring out the tulpa in 1x17 and dean already knowing about the shtriga in 1x18 - but those still rely on sam and dean having prior knowledge)

even when they’re uncertain about facing something, it’s not bc they don’t know what it is; it’s precisely bc they know what it is and acknowledge that it’ll be a difficult hunt (“i don't know, man. this isn't our normal gig. i mean, demons, they don't want anything, just death and destruction for its own sake. this is big. and i wish dad was here.” 1x04)

so much of the tension in paranormal shows typically comes from the main character(s) not knowing what is happening to them/the people around them and having to find out how to resolve it. supernatural is unique in that it operates more like a police procedural. the tension comes from solving the clues and identifying patterns to figure out who (what) the killer is and intercepting before they can take another victim

it’s such a different tone to go for when compared to other shows that came both before, during, and after its run. it sets sam and dean on even footing with each other since they both have the same knowledge going in, and it puts them in a place of authority usually reserved for an outside character

the shows i compare spn to most is charmed, buffy and teen wolf; every main character in those shows are brought into the paranormal world knowing nothing, putting them on the same level as the audience, and they have their mc interact with others already knowledgeable about that world in order to overcome their problem/monster of the week. the audience organically learns about this new world as the characters learn about it. it’s a sound writing strategy that prevents “as we already know”-style exposition but something that complicates it is if your world building isn’t unique or intriguing enough, this slow introduction can become boring

we’ve seen shows like these before; sitting through the same tropes of characters learning to use their powers, struggling with no longer feeling normal/relating to the regular world around them, and not knowing how much they can trust the people already involved in this new world gets repetitive. all three shows eventually reach the same level of comfort with their new world that spn starts with but if the characters aren’t enough to draw you in, you can end up dropping it before they reach that point (and often, before the overarching plot can really kick in and evolve the show beyond the villain of the week format)

it’s the superhero origin movie in tv format; dragged out and overplayed. dropping the audience into an established world of course comes with its own problems but you also have the benefit of pre-existing established character dynamics that let the audience slot in like they’ve always been there instead of just getting to know all the characters while the characters also get to know each other

sam and dean already knowing about the supernatural lets the audience immediately get to the core of the story; the conflict between sam and dean, the search for their father, and the mystery of what killed their mother

[teh-nos]

and another thing!!!

"doesn't rtd understand this show is about change?"

no? no, he clearly doesn't and he never has. his ideal doctor who is rose tyler (lbr his mary-sue, because however much i am told not to use that term she clearly is one) and a doctor that looks like david tennant and everything else is Wrong and we must constantly be told that. 10 "mourning" rose that much is not in-character, actually, it is not an unavoidable issue, it's a deliberate writing choice to Not Let Go of rtd's one true companion. so martha jones gets fucked over (again, a choice was made to focus on her love for the doctor and how he could never ever want her), and rtd doesn't care and neither did the fandom because they too thought that rose being gone was a glitch to be fixed. because rtd fucking encouraged them to.

so rose is somehow in s3 even though she isn't, and then she's back in s4 where she is given a man who looks like david tennant. to look after. and 'heal'. (aside: no, the 9th doctor was healed by running into people and things that made him confront the past. rose was just a nice distraction for him between those brief therapy sessions. yet she's given the credit for them. because of course the one true companion must have done that!)

and then when he has to write out david tennant... *sigh* off we go to see rose fucking tyler again after spending the rest of our time being sad about not being david tennant anymore, and he goes out COMPLAINING that he can't face not being david tennant in the tardis with rose "russell t" tyler. and then you wonder why people stopped watching at that point? you wonder why they still complain about the eleventh doctor not being david tennant? they were told to!

and then rtd comes back. and so does david tennant. and... yes we can all see where this is going HOW DID YOU NOT? rtd has never been willing to move on and accept change. he hates having to change things in doctor who. this has been obvious since 2007. but fandom liked martha being fucked over in the name of rose-and-david-tenannt so they just ignored it.

[dandelion-roots]

[ID: a digital redraw of the scene where chuuya shoots dazai in the shoulder. on the top of the drawing is chuuya holding a guy to dazai's head in the red and grey hallways of the prison. on the bottom of the drawing is dazai's pained face. the gunshot is shown stylistically as hectic lines behind his bloody shoulder. over the image is half a quote from goncharov that reads 'if we really were in love you wouldn't have missed.' the signature says dandelion-roots. end ID]

This quote from Goncharov (1973) in relation to soukoku has been haunting me from before I even got to that scene in the anime (the full thing is: Katya- Of course we're in love, that's why I tried to shoot you/ Goncharov- If we really were in love you wouldn't have missed). Violence as a tool for communicating emotions, especially love and hatred, especially love and hatred makes me go feral- how could I not think of the iconic quote that says that katya's miss was a sign of a lack of love/a fake love when chuuya didn't miss? Just... losing it over here.

[swan2swan]

Brooklynn saved Soyona's life, but couldn't fix it.

Soyona fixed Brooklynn's life, but couldn't destroy it.

[cringefail-clown]

okay, so we know that godtiering heals you. tavros gets his legs back, vriska gets her eye and arm back etc etc. furthermore, it could be interpreted as healing perceived disadvantages. terezi wouldnt get her sight back if she were to godtier, because she doesnt see (pun not intended but here we go) her blindness as something that weakens her, quite the opposite - and when aranea heals her sight, she hates it and purposefully wears a blindfold. sburb would recognize her preference and honor it once she ascends.

we could go even further. once ascended, all your perceived weaknesses would be removed, and what weakness means varies wildly from person to person. harlenglishcrocegberts keep their glasses, as well as vriska - we can assume they never felt like their bad sight was any issue for them, so it was left out. for trans folks, and lets put myself under the microscope - if i were to godtier, sburb might throw my way a nice and quick top surgery, but leave the rest alone since i dont have any strong feelings about those.

it could even heal things like brain damage, chronic pain, migrains, cancer, anything that you feel like brings you down will be removed. alpha kids get their hangovers healed up. ascending basically builds your body up from the start, atom to atom, whole dna rewritten if you want it to be.

my question now: would it, or would it not remove karkats or kankris mutation, making them limebloods? everytime we see vantases who are god tier theyre ghosts, and their wings are not shown. it might be because theyre small (which is a popular headcanon) or they dont have any, be it because of their mutation or because its a feature of the bloodcast they originate from, or theyre simply hidden. either way we never see what the actual color of their wings is, which would indicate the color of their blood after ascention.

basically i have no idea. but its a fun thing to think about and ive been doing it for the past few days now

[struggling-jpg]

Thoughts About the Potential Underlying Hidden Tragedy of Yanqing and Jing Yuan

that isn't just the "Yanqing will have to kill Jing Yuan eventually" red flags.

A relatively longer-ish post so thank you for bearing with me if you choose to do so!

I'd already been thinking about this whole mess of thoughts for a long while now, and so have other people, but the urge to write this came from a comment I saw on a post that mentioned how Yanqing had lost to "Jing Yuan's ghosts" and overall how it contributes to the dynamic of them being mentor/mentee + father/son. While the narrative seems to be leading to "Yanqing having to strike down a Mara-stricken Jing Yuan," there's just enough weird points that stick out to the point some alternative outcomes for Yanqing and Jing Yuan's fates to play out.

And while I anticipate HSR to follow that most expected point, I feel like there's enough there that could lead to a subversion or something more likely than that, an additional twist to the knife alongside the expected point.

Jing Yuan's Flaws as a Mentor and Father-Figure:

While most of us love the family fluff, I'm pretty sure we can all acknowledge the issues in Jing Yuan's approach and decisions in regards to Yanqing. Yeah, this is a fictional space game story where it's likely they aren't going to delve into the consequences of having someone as young as Yanqing be a soldier, there seems to be something there regardless. Like the brushes with death that he has and how we see him have to worry about the Xianzhou's security as a teen due to having a higher position in a military force. This is all set up for more of a coming-of-age type narrative for him, which HSR has done amazingly so far, but there are a lot of chances for this to explore something darker.

Among official media, the one time I could even remember the term "father" being used in relation to Jing Yuan is in Yanqing's official Character Introduction graphic:

Another notable thing that we see here is how we do have moments where Yanqing expresses thoughts and questions about his own origins and birth parents. The fact that even here, he wonders if the general is hiding something from him, sets off some alarm bells in my head. But he then brushes that off because he's always been with the General and Jing Yuan accepts him for who he is (which under the theory that Yanqing originates/is connected to the Abundace adds a whole heavy layer (this will be discussed in a later section)).

Yanqing does something similar in his texts:

As Huaiyan says to Jing Yuan:

"Yanqing can understand your concerns."

Alongside Yanqing generally being a considerate and polite boy, it can possibly be said that his eagerness to share Jing Yuan's burdens not only stems from his own gratitude towards him but possibly also Jing Yuan's distance.

As in, Jing Yuan doesn't really express his feelings so blatantly, and what we can clearly tell from when Yanqing first met "Jing Yuan's ghosts," neither does he speak much about his past too on a personal level. In Jingliu's quest, Yanqing says that Jing Yuan simply told him to forget everything he saw that day.

For Jing Yuan, the loss of the quintet is a grief that feels fresh in his heart, especially with echoes of them running around him. This is in the description for "Animated Short: A Flash":

(Will also talk about this in a different section)

While Yanqing learns about his General's past in a more direct manner (aka the people involved), it's sad how avoidant Jing Yuan is at times. While he's never been a upfront person, especially in the case of solving problems, I wonder if HSR would go as far as to show the negative side of that in terms of raising and teaching Yanqing.

History Repeats Itself (Sometimes It Don't Need A Reason):

+ the Jingliu parallels

Following up on that last image, Jing Yuan, especially in A Flash, has that whole "history repeating itself" thing going on for Jing Yuan. It points to Yanqing having to take down Jing Yuan but it also comes with a lot of its own possibilities and meanings.

It's blatant that Yanqing parallels Jingliu to an unsettling degree. Anyone who personally knows Jingliu and meets Yanqing sees her in him. Jingliu probably sees herself in him as well. Beyond powers and passion for the sword, her Myriad Celestia trailer shows that her principles before getting struck with Mara were the same as his. But it took her losing her dear friends in such a cruel and brutal manner (alongside how long she'd been alive) for all of that to fall out and form the version of her we see today.

And while it seems that Yanqing is deviating from Jingliu's due to the teachings he's learning, especially with Jing Yuan's effort, I feel like there's still a chance for things to go so wrong and mess with that. Yukong's line about him strikes me as concerning:

"A sword will vibrate and beg to be unsheathed if it is unused for too long... Once unsheathed, it will either paint the battlefield in blood, or break itself in the process..."

Even though I don't think HSR will go down a route of tragedy with Yanqing, like say, he gets Mara struck somehow or killed because that's not how Hoyo's writing has fully gone for playable characters (Misha and Gallagher aside in terms of death). Even in the most despairing parts for Hoyo's games, they're usually outlined and tinged with hope in one way or another. It's just that with what's been presented, there's got to be more here than meets the eye.

Yanqing's Origins - The Breaking Point:

From what we've been given, I think the number one thing that would have the potential of shaking Yanqing's entire sense of his life and the reality he lives in is learning where he comes from. Where he actually comes from has been a strange mystery since the beginning, how Jing Yuan getting him being recorded in the military annals of all places.

As shown from the screenshots of Yanqing's texts, he doesn't know and tries to brush it off because he's happy with Jing Yuan now. The choice to have this aspect here leaves a lot to ruminate on. What is Jing Yuan hiding? And if he really is witholding information, does he ever intend to tell Yanqing? If he doesn't and Yanqing finds out, how will it play out? And even if he does mean to tell him, depending on the severity, how will Yanqing take it?

It's why the theory that Yanqing is connected to the Abundance, possibly even coming from it directly, is as harrowing as it is.

With his arc in mind, will his development be enough to sustain him when he does find out the truth? If he finds out sooner than he should, will he be able to rise above it? And what of Jing Yuan? If confronted with a situation that's outside of his control again, what will he do and how will he react?

The potential in that scenario is so fascinating to me, because we can all anticipate the absolute gut punch that Yanqing killing his master would be. It fits Hoyo's writing style of something so sad but having a hopeful end for the future type beat. But the idea of that being twisted, that expectation being flipped on its head, could be so agonizing. It's not a narrative we see too often explored, at least in my experience, so maybe that's why I'm brainrotting over it so much lol.

[bithcisweartogod]

despite the fact that we sorta know lu guang’s main motivation now there’s still SO MUCH about him that’s ??? does he not have parents? why does he leave the original timeline so easily, as if cheng xiaoshi and others were the only things holding him there? like - your EXISTENCE gets completelly ERASED from the original timeline, yet he still chooses to do so over and over. where did he get his diving abilities from? he was a newcomer in the uni where cheng xiaoshi was studying - where did he come from? he had a nice apartment (or so it seems) - why did he SO EASILY decide to move in with cheng xiaoshi (gayass) ? why does he write his notes IN LATIN of all languages? and yeah, how old that guy even is,, i really really hope at least some of these questions get answered in yingdu arc, because it’s been three whole seasons and lu guang still is a sort of walking question mark