#this took 10 whole hours to draw every page

[skullkandiii]

help i can't stop drawing sad LN content

[blkkizzat]

ღ𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐨𝐥𝐟!𝐓𝐨𝐣𝐢 ღ

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏 𝐨𝐟 𝟐

18+ONLY MDNI

kizzatober series: Thrilling Ghouls

Kinktober Prompts: Breeding, Dacryphilia, Aphrodisiac Synopsis: Catching him in a lie, you suspect your boyfriend Toji is cheating on you. Where does he keep disappearing to once a month that keeps him away for often days at a time. You're fed up. You've made up your mind this time to follow him but are you ready for what you discover? CW: AU. Most warnings for P2 really. Slightly dubcon-y. Bully/mean/teasing Toji. Bratty/crazy gf reader. Rough sex. Drug ref. Werewolf transformation but this isn't that furry shit lol. Omegaverse themes I borrow heavily from but I'm not following the rules of it faithfully (I don't even know them myself lol) WC: 4k of 10.4k Lightly black fem coded but no descriptors.

A/N: This one took a bit longer expected as I recently caught a cold, boooo! But I'm realizing even in my fics I intend to be PWPs I still need to set the mood and a plot springs forth lmfao. Plus I had fun actually trying to write a bit of horror in too! I decided to split into 2 parts because of the delay already.

Big shout out to an irl bestie @sairotonin for drawing a sketch of Werewolf!Toji for her inktober for me to use in my gfx. TY sis you a real one!!

Enjoy!

“In the next 500ft, turn left.”

This was going to be the third goddamn left the car navigation told you to take in the last 20 minutes. You were ninety-nine percent sure you had been going in circles and were now lost as shit at night in the middle of nowhere. 

You glance at your phone sitting in the dash-caddy. 

One measly bar. 

The further you traveled, the more the service bars were dwindling as well. 

Shit, you had 3 full bars last time you looked.

Opting to keep ahead straight instead of turning, you cross-check your destination via the spy monitoring app you had shamelessly downloaded on your boyfriend Toji’s phone.

Toji’s current location was 45 miles outside of the city and it had been a good 10 miles since you last saw any kind of highway. The area you were in was a mix between nature reserve and private property so not even GPS could pin down the exact directions to his whereabouts. 

Sigh. 

You had never wanted to be That Girl™. 

You know, the ones who would sneak peaks at their boyfriend’s phones, were super insecure about any interaction their man had with the opposite sex and ran down on them while they were out to catch them in the act of cheating. 

But you were a woman at the end of her rope.

What else could you do?

For a few days every month Toji would simply disappear. 

The various excuses he gave usually centered around his work. You didn’t know exactly what he did, but you knew enough to know most of it was dangerous and wasn’t what good society would consider legal.  

Toji had scolded you before for asking too many details. 

For your own safety.

He would say with an arrogant smirk.

But even when working you had always been able to get a hold of him after a few hours. It was just this one particular job he would completely drop off the face of the earth for. It annoyed you, sure, but Toij’s work never followed him home so you didn't have complaints.  

That is, until you had finally moved-in with him and Megumi.

Truly, you were already like a little family.

Megumi, who had just recently started preschool, had been quick to warm up to you ever since you and Toji first introduced you to him a few months prior to that. 

But living together pushed things to a whole other level. Megumi would follow you around like a lost pup and often opted to sit in your lap rather than Toji’s.

Not to mention throw a near fit if you weren’t the one to tuck him in goodnight. (Toji would never admit he was a bit jealous and would only grumble slightly that it was less of a hassle for him if you did it so you should just do it from now on).

You never even realized you had such a mothering instinct, being on the same page as Toji about no more kids, until you looked into those little emerald eyes of Gumi’s and absolutely melted. 

You had grown so close that the little boy unknowingly let it slip once while Toji was MIA on that job, that he was glad Daddy went on his daddy breaks once a month so you both could have fun together by yourselves.

You tried to keep your reactions in check for Megumi but that revelation completely shook you. 

A “daddy break” didn’t sound much like a work trip to you which spiked your anxiety and caused you to spiral into overthinking. 

Did he need a break from you too as well?

You couldn't very well grill a 4-year old and you didn’t have the nerve to just ask Toji straight out. 

So you did the only thing you could think of at the time and that was to complain to your good friend Tsukumo over drinks a few days later after Toji returned.

Tsukumo, who always seemed to have the wrong answer for everything, simply told you to do the ‘smart’ thing and download a monitoring app on his phone that would log is calls, texts and whereabouts. 

You initially balked at her.

Tracking Toji had never crossed your mind.

Outside of this, Toji had never given you a reason to doubt him and you wanted to respect his privacy and trust, especially trust as you knew he didn’t let many people get close to him at all.

True, he wasn’t exactly the most forthcoming man you ever dated. You were well aware he had his many skeletons as well as ex-hookups. But Toji for the most part had been content with his gambling then coming home to you and Megumi. 

He wasn’t the type to ‘run the streets with the boys (he had no boys tbh), you had only ever known him to have the occasional drink with Shiu when he wasn’t out gambling.

You had almost refused to do such a thing… That is until Tsukumo posed the question: 

What’s more important Y/N– your peace of mind or his trust? 

And Y/N, is trust really what’s important here at all if he is in fact already taking advantage of yours?

Touché. 

Tsukumo had you there.

“Besides, you think that old dinosaur is even going to notice an extra app on his phone in the first place?” 

Tsukumo quipped, throwing back a shot of sake and jiggling the empty container at the bartender for more.

“You just got rid of his old flip phone last year. I’m surprised he can even use a touchscreen without punching a hole through it. Just delete the app once you’ve seen what you needed to see.”

Tsukumo gave you this advice like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Ignoring her digs at Toji’s age, and maybe it was the 3 bottles of sake the both of you had blown through in the last hour, but you were starting to think she might be onto something. 

“Mmm, on second thought, might as well keep it on there. Men like Fushiguro are dogs that need to be kept on tight leashes.”

Tsukumo grinned at you with a wink before turning her attention back to the bartender.

You still didn’t know then if you would actually go through with it.

Nevertheless, here you are now at 11:15 PM at night about to pull up on your boyfriend thanks to Tsukumo’s advice to find out once and for all if Toji was cheating on you.

You had dropped Megumi off at his best friend Yuji’s for the night, thanking Yuji’s parents for watching him and feeling guilty for lying to them that you and Toji had a date night. 

Almost there.

You are within 2 miles of arriving at the vicinity of where the monitoring app says Toji is.

However, your anxieties were getting the best of you as you drove in near tears.

You turn up your music louder, the booming bass distracting you from how much darker and creepier it gets the further you drive into the wooded area. 

Sighing again, you had no idea how this would turn out but you knew the result would determine whether you would be listening to Positions by Ariana Grande or Playing Games by Summer Walker on repeat during the drive back. 

☠

Barely a half mile later, you see the engine light of your car flash. The pungent odor of burning oil fills the car as a plume of smoke escapes out from under the hood.

Goddamn it, Toji. 

“Y/N, make sure to go get ‘er an oil change while I’m gone. Ya got like 15 good miles left on ‘er.”                                                                                                                                  Toji’s voice rang in your mind. 

Well the big lunk he was wrong.

You had driven at least 33 miles so far.

You mentally cussed him again. 

Toji was the one who was supposed to change your oil, he used your car more than you did. Only opting to use his own blacked out unplated and unlicensed car for jobs like he was on now.  

You wouldn’t have even left the house if it wasn’t for his sketchy cheating headass. 

Okay, so you hadn’t exactly confirmed that just yet, but you were pissed and until you confirmed otherwise, right now he was a cheater and everything about this situation was his fault.

Pulling over to the side of the dirt road before you caused further damage to your car, you weighed your options.

Option 1: Call AAA

You had zero bars though. 

Fuck. 

Option 2: Wait here in the safety of the car until morning.

You would still have zero bars and you might miss Toji, making this whole trip fruitless.

If he beat you home in the morning and found you gone with Megumi at Yuji’s with the sad excuse for a 'date night' lie you gave, you would never hear the end of it.

He would taunt you into oblivion that your silly ass drove all the way up here unto the woods for your car to break down cause you were too busy being a psycho bitch to remember to get an oil change.

Option 3: Walk on foot the rest of the way to Toji.

Really the only viable option you had. 

It was a good 12 miles or so back to the highway, you didn’t know how many turns you had made since then and you doubt you could make it back on foot anyway. If you were going to walk a few miles to get service again you might as well walk to where Toji was.

Sure if he wasn’t cheating you would still get ridiculed, but at least you could get a ride home. 

And if he was cheating, you would hot wire his car (one of the few useful things he did teach you) and that motherfucker and his whore could find their own way home.

Resolving yourself to walk, you put on Toji's hoodie that fortunately was still in the backseat from him last using your car to go to the gym. 

You really should have put more thought into planning this before you left. Besides Toji’s oversized worn hoodie that reached your mid-thighs all you were wearing was a thin white shirt and black spandex shorts. 

You didn’t even have sneakers or boots, as you looked down at your fuzzy black slippers you mostly only wore outside to run short errands like dropping off Megumi at preschool or picking up groceries. 

Thankfully, you did have a small flashlight in the glove compartment though in case of emergencies like this.

Flashlight in tow, you step outside of your stalled car and immediately suck in a worried breath as the weight of the chilly night settles over you like a heavy cloak.

You only have a mile and a half trek but the dirt road that stretches out before you looks endless as it disappears into the obscurity of the thick shroud of fog surrounding you. 

The flashlight doesn’t do much to cut through the intense density of condensation. You had only made it a mere 20 feet from your car but you can just barely make out its faint outline.

Swallowing, you put on your bravest face and fix your gaze forward. 

The reflections of your flashlight casts shifty patterns on the mist in your peripheral vision and you do your best to ignore the chill that creeps up your shoulders. 

“Fuck you, Toji.” 

You mumble half-heartedly, pulling the hood over head.

You didn’t really mean it though. Would-be-cheater or not more than anything you wished he was here with you now. 

You were freezing, tired and all you could think about was how warm and safe you would feel in Toji’s arms. Even if you were mad at him. 

You pick up the pace, wanting to get to him sooner. 

Almost more unnerving than the fog itself, the forest around you is as quiet as a grave.

There are no chirps of crickets, nor hoots of owls. 

Not even in the crisp cold of fall does the wind rustle through the trees, everything is silent.

The haunting nature around you seems to hold its breath as if it knows you're an unwelcome intruder who has trespassed too far.

You don’t dare peer into the trees which look taller in the darkness, closing in tightly on the dirt road. They are ghastly silhouettes of their former selves blocking any moonlight to help guide your way. 

You shiver as you feel as if you are being watched from a distance.

The only noise you hear is the soft crunching of rocks and leaves beneath your feet with every unsure step you take forward. 

You can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of dread as a stray tear runs down your cheek.

You couldn’t get to Toji soon enough. 

Though you still didn’t have any service the GPS updated as much as it could in roaming, you were so close.

As you continue forward a shadow on the path catches your eye in the foggy distance. 

Your heart quickens as you inch closer, your anticipation mingling with fear.

Shapes soon begin to take form and the harsh reality dawns upon you.

A pack of wolves. 

Their shadowy figures coalesce before you through the fog as they take stock of you.

You start to feel queasy as you see their red-stained muzzles dripping with the blood of their latest kill. The grotesque carcass of a deer practically stripped to the bone lay lifeless under their enormous paws. 

Their eyes, fierce and predatory, meet yours with a chilling intensity as the feeble beam of your flashlight washes over them. The deer, although large, you know is not enough to quell hunger from beasts of their size.

With a shaky breath you slowly retreat, not wanting to further agitate their already aggravated predatory senses. 

Then you hear it.

From what seems to be the darkest reaches of the night, a sound reverberates from the trees, through the forest and beyond that's unlike anything you've ever heard before. 

The howl that tears through the stillness is so chilling you instantly feel the lamentation that carries the weight of centuries of primal power down in the very marrow of your bones.

Even the wolves snap their heads to attention and bow their heads as if the sound announced the presence of a creature much higher on the food chain... something more ancient and malevolent…

...something terrifyingly unhuman.

The body racking shiver you experience is so intense it has you sprinting at full speed before your mind, frozen from fear, can even process you are moving. 

You burst through the dense trees, leaving the road as your heart pounds like a drum in your chest and tears stream freely down your cheeks to soak the edge of Toji’s sweatshirt.

The tangled underbrush of the forest whips the soft skin of your legs and the forest itself seems to conspire against you as you navigate the obstacle course of branches, logs and large rocks all seemingly with a mission to slow you down.

You can hear the chilling howls of the wolves you saw on the road call out behind you, giving chase. 

The sounds of their footfalls grow closer with every passing second.

Terrifying as they are, they hold no candle against the howl that sent you running and your body continues to propel you forward. 

Panic frazzles your senses and you make the tragic error of trying to steal a glance back behind you before directly colliding with a large cedar.

Groaning from the impact you reel as you try to gather yourself, clinging to the tree for support. 

You hear a twig snap behind you and you whirl around as you are faced with a largest gray wolf out of the pack who had been chasing you. 

The alpha wolf’s teeth glint menacingly as their breath escapes in visible puffs in the frigid night air. 

Too late to try to make a run for it again, you whimper as you resign yourself to your fate. You slid down the large tree to bury your face in your knees.

Was this it?

Was this how you died?

You weren’t even able to see Toji after coming all this way. 

You also wanted to be able to hug Megumi one last time and maybe knock the daylights out of Tsukumo for her horrible ass idea. 

But ultimately this was all your fault. 

You could be snuggled up with Gumi on the sofa with snacks watching Anpanman but your dumbass had to go galavanting off into the middle of the woods like a fucking lunatic and now you’re about to be eaten by a wolf.

You could feel the wolf’s overbearing presence as it approached you but you couldn’t bear to look up. You’d rather spend your final moments thinking of Toji and Megumi. 

Yet despite your impending doom, your head did snap up once you felt a rough tongue gently lick your ankles and curiously sniff at the ends of Toji's hoodie covering your legs. 

The wolf was more than intimidating up close as its giant muzzle was the size of your entire head.

However the wolf regarded you cautiously like it almost recognized you before releasing its own chillingly deep howl and promptly running off.

Wait– T-The hell?!

You sat there at the trunk of the tree trying to process the interaction that just took place but you didn’t have much time to ponder as you heard something else approaching you rapidly.

The sound of snapping twigs and heavy, uneven footfalls don’t seem to be that of a wolf, renewing the sensation of dread through your body. 

Your heart races in your chest as the ominous sounds of the being looming evermore closer become more pronounced.

From the shadows emerges a monstrous figure.

The fog doesn’t reach this deep into the forest and the moonlight that peeks between the trees glimmers on its enlarged taut muscles. 

Its eyes, red, burn like fiery amber. 

Fierce and resolute you can see them pierce through the darkness long before you can make out any features of the creature's face.

What you think upon first glance must be a demonic apparition from your worst nightmares ends up being– 

Toji?!

As he steps into a beam of moonlight, the transformation before you is complete. 

Toji’s once-human and feet hands have become formidable claws with nails like blades, his face remains mostly unchanged with the exception of his mouth which in his snarl reveals rows of gleaming, razor-sharp teeth.

He is still mostly human in appearance but you can tell he stands taller, nearly 8 feet.

The thicker body hair on his forearms bristles with raw power.

He was completely bare save for the tattered jeans barely hanging on his body that had torn from the sheer size of his enormous muscularity in this form.

Each step he takes towards you makes your heart skip a beat yet you stare transfixed, unable to look away and your tears increase.

Was this terrifying otherworldly apparition the boyfriend you had been searching for?

Time stands still in that haunting moment as Toji’s eyes bore into your soul with a predatory intensity. 

His hunger and primal instincts radiates off of him like a palpable force. 

“T-T-Toji?” 

You cautiously inquire through your quiet sobs. 

“Y/N?! What the fuck do you think y’er doing out here?” 

Toji snarls back at you. His growl seems to cause the very atmosphere to vibrate and the earth beneath you quakes as your body involuntarily quivered with fear. 

Toji thought he must have been losing his goddamn mind when he caught onto your scent earlier but here you were like a lost little lamb to the slaughter before him.

He came out onto the woods to be alone, away from civilization and away from you and Megumi during his monthly transformations. 

It was safer that way, for all of you.

You had been fortunate the local wolf pack had acknowledged him as their Alpha and recognized his scent on you.

But there were far worse dangers in the forest besides them.

Toji wouldn’t be able to protect you like he was now. 

Not with you needing protection from him too.

Protection from him as not only was it a full moon, it was a harvest moon, a mating moon. 

The primal urge to rip you apart was only truncated by the more intense carnal urge to mate with you. Toji wanted to claim you as his and fuck you so hard into the girthy cedar behind you the entire tree would topple over by its roots.

He had wanted to claim you as his mate for a while now.

Even moved you in with him and Megumi as the final step but you couldn’t wait for that, could you? 

You had managed to track him somehow all the way out here and throw his whole plan into the shitter. 

He could barely control himself in this form as it is and now your scent, blubbering cries and the fucking harvest moon were sending him with full force into a fierce rut. 

“T-Toji w-what is this!? W-what’s happened to you!? W-what are you doing out here?!” 

Worry saturates your voice as you choke out your questions in rapid fire cries not giving him time to even respond.

Toji fights the predatory instinct in him who sees you as his prey and if your gaze wasn’t so focused on trying to read his face for answers you surely would have noticed him fully bricked near bursting out of his worn jeans.

You looked so appetizing. 

He needed you.

However, Toji could tell your nerves were completely shot and the slightest twitch of his muscles toward you had you almost jumping out of your skin like a little bunny rabbit.

“Y-Y/N…” 

His voice strained itself into a murmur as he attempted to do his best to lull you into some sort of security so he could explain things calmly to you.

Yet the way he was near salivating, drool dripping from his canines as he panted and towered over you did anything but make you feel secure. 

You mistook his lust for bloodthirstiness.

“Just calm down. It’s OK.”

Toji needed you to be calm like he needed you to take steadier breaths if he was going to successfully win the tumultuous war he was fighting against his instincts to pounce on you. 

There is an oppressive tension between the two of you and he can tell you are also fighting against your fight or flight reflexes.

Good girl. 

It would be disastrous if you did something foolish, no telling what might happen then.

But unfortunately for the both of you, your fits of emotion and impulses are what had your crazy ass out here in the first place. 

The pressure had officially gotten to you. 

Toji’s lies, your car, the woods, the wolves, everything leading up to this point bubbled over because the last thing you wanted to be told right now was to ‘just calm down’.

You snapped. 

“Ok? OK?! OKAY?!...TOJI WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT THIS IS O.K. RIGHT NOW!?”

You were practically hysterical as you yelled at him, momentarily forgetting your fears of Toji’s new form.

The trigger of being told to 'calm down' in a situation where you clearly had every right to feel every fucking emotion you wanted won out over everything else.

“MY CAR BROKE DOWN BECAUSE OF YOU DOING GOD KNOWS WHAT WITH WHOEVER THE FUCK OUT HERE, I LITERALLY WAS JUST CHASED BY WOLVES, ALMOST EATEN, AND Y-YOU… Y-YOU-”

A crackling snap came from above you and you realized Toji’s claws had completely ripped a large chunk out of the tree right above your head.

Your tantrum had in turn pushed him over the edge as well. 

His irises flared intensely at you as you quivered under his gaze in fear.

He would have you but first, he would play with you a bit.

Things never happened the easy way with you.

Yet, that’s also exactly the way Toji liked it too. That's why he'd put up with you thus far.

A malevolent smirk dons Toji's features as his simple command issues an unsettling tremor running down into the depths of your being.

“Run.”

P2 HERE!

© ʙʟᴋᴋɪᴢᴢᴀᴛ 2023. ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛꜱ ʀᴇꜱᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ. ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ꜱᴛᴇᴀʟ, ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ, ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴏʀ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇꜱ ꜰɪᴄꜱ, ᴅʀᴀʙʙʟᴇꜱ, & ɢʀᴀᴘʜɪᴄꜱ. ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʙʏ ᴍᴇ ᴜɴʟᴇꜱꜱ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀᴡɪꜱᴇ ꜱᴛᴀᴛᴇᴅ. ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ

A/N: Count on Tsukumo to always given the wrong fuckin’ advice. Lmfao! Or was it the right advice in this case? Hmm we will see what happens next!

Smutty goodness in the next part. This part was just to set the horror mood!

I promise this fic isn't as nearly as long as Ghostface!Choso. It's looking to be about 8k total and I have 3.5k of P2 finished lol.

Reblog if you are both submissive and breedable for Werewolf!Toji, but likes and comments are appreciated all the same!

ღTaglistღ:

@callm3senpaii @arxliana @jujutsualy @luxiethefairy @fredswh0re @missphanosaur18 @moon-esque @briefrebelfanalmond @nikkitc0703 & @dancingwithdeities (prone bone coming in p2 just for u sweets!) LMK below if you would like to be tagged in P2. For all kizzatober fic tags comment on m.list.

[orionsstory]

that kind of devotion | anarcia (7)

yayy chapter seven is here :) as always, don't forget to check it out on ao3 !! and leave a comment if you liked it teehee

---

For the next two weeks, Marcia found herself texting Lotus every waking moment. During breaks, during dinner, any free time she had was spent laughing at her jokes or smiling at a picture she sent. She got to find out she loved ducks (through the several pictures she sent of the ones at the nearby park- Marcia didn't mind though) to her favorite song (Boss Bitch by Doja Cat, a song Marcia had found herself listening to nonstop lately). If she was lucky, Lotus would even call her after her patrol, and the two would talk for hours. They mostly talked about their day and the investigation, but sometimes Marcia would slip in a story about her growing up, or Lotus would tell her a story about Sasha. The two had grown much closer in the past two weeks, getting along like a house on fire.

Even now, she was sitting on the couch texting Lotus. She giggled at a text the other girl had sent before she was drawn out of her thoughts by someone nudging her leg. "I need to sit down too, you know." Luxx rolled her eyes as she sat down, handing Marcia her food. "Put your phone down and eat, you've been glued to that thing lately. It's your one day off and you've ignored me the whole morning!"

Marcia takes the food from her, "I'm sorry! It's just so...exciting! We've pretty much gone from talking a few times a month to every day, it's hard not to be so engrossed."

"Aww, she's down bad." Luxx teased her.

"No, I'm not down bad. I'm a lover."

"Marsh, that's the same thing."

"It's totally not! Well...maybe a little. Whatever..." She flushed in embarrassment, rolling her eyes. Luxx chuckled at her,  "Isn't that sweet, you know I haven't seen you this excited over a girl since that one in college...what was her name again?" Marcia cringed at the memory, she had to admit she may have the tendency to fall for people quite easily, but Lotus wasn't the same.

"That's not the same thing. Lotus is different."

Luxx raised her eyebrow, so she continued, "She shows genuine interest in me. She cares about my theatre stuff and how my day is. She texts me pictures of cute dogs she sees because she knows I'll love them. She's...thoughtful. Also, she didn't forget my name after one date, so she's already leagues ahead of Caitlin."

Luxx laughed, "Oh my god, I forgot about that! What did she call you again? Maria?"

"Miriam. She said she knew it was some old lady's name."

"Oh my god, she was awful. I'm so glad that lasted like, two weeks."

"You and me both. Anyways, what were you thinking of doing?"

"Well, since we're all getting together after your show tomorrow, I figured we could just lie low today. We could go to that coffee shop you like and people-watch."

Marcia was sold. "You know me so well, Luxx."

"Of course I do. We've been friends for like 10 years, it'd be sad if I didn't. Now let's go, I want to get a good spot before it gets busy."

-

They arrived at the small shop, setting their items down on the counter facing the biggest window. Marcia took a seat, taking out her drawing supplies as Luxx went to grab their drinks. It had been a while since they had been able to do this- they used to do it all the time in college, watching the people pass by and wonder about their lives while they worked on essays or assignments. They would wonder about their own lives, and what the future would be like. Marcia likes to think her younger self would be proud of where she is now. It makes her smile.

"One tea with honey for you...and an espresso for me!" Luxx hums as she sits the drinks down, sliding onto the seat beside Marcia. She brings out her own drawing materials, peering out the window.

"I missed this. Feels like it's been forever since we've done this."

"I know, it feels like we barely have time anymore. I guess that's what it means to be an adult."

Luxx nodded, her pencil sketching across the page. "Such is capitalism. Ugh, I'm so antsy to get this collection done. We're almost ready to go into production, so my stress is mostly over."

"Oh, I'm excited to see the collection! You're taking me to see the show, right?"

"Who else is going to be my plus one?" She laughs, taking a sip of her drink. "Oh yeah, that's good. Fuck, I've missed good coffee. The office coffee is so shitty, Marsh. Oh my god, it's horrible."

Marcia smiled, opening her own sketchbook as she began sketching some of the people outside. "For a luxury brand, you would think they could afford a better coffee machine." She laughed, scribbling in a woman's dark coat. "Maybe they'll get you a new one for Christmas."

Luxx rolled her eyes, "Please, don't give me hope. Irene keeps saying she's going to fix it and improve it herself but we've been so swamped she hasn't had time yet." She looked up for her next target before selecting a man with a dog. "Look at that dog- isn't it cute? Ugh, I wish I was better at animals. It looks like a rat."

Marcia leaned over to look at the sketch, rolling her eyes. "It looks great, you're being dramatic. That is a cute dog though, what a baby." She cooed, snapping a picture of it before she sent it to Lotus. "How is the collection going anyway? Weren't you guys almost done like, a month ago?"

"Well, we were going through final revisions, but they decided to scrap some of the looks so we had to come up with some new ones. I'm hoping this will be the final round though. I've got some of the early concepts for designs in here though." She answers, flipping through her sketchbook to show Marcia some of the designs. 

She always admired the other girls' aesthetic, Luxx's usual grungy and dark designs had seemed to translate perfectly to spring fashion. Desaturated colors and skirts with purposeful rips and tears turned a skirt into the shape of a flower, an impressive feat. Marcia had seen Luxx make gorgeous designs that weren't her aesthetic, but these ones were special. She always loved it when Luxx could show her passion through her designs.

"Dark forest...what a theme, right?" She softly chuckles, flipping back to the sketch she was working on. "I like it though. I think it'll be our best collection yet."

Marcia proudly smiles, returning to her own sketch of some scenery. They sketched in comfortable silence for some time, Marcia having stopped sketching the people outside and started sketching Lotus. She didn't mean to, it was just sort of a habit at this point.

"That's really good, is that Lotus?" Luxx asks, leaning over. Marcia nods, her face tinged red. "Is she coming to your performance tomorrow?"

"No, but she's coming for my first night as Elle. I'm really excited, I hope she'll like my performance- I've been working so hard on it. God, I hope it goes well, what if I choke?"

"You won't choke. You were like, born for this. You're gonna kill it."

Marcia smiles at her, "Thanks, Luxx."

-

Luxx volunteered for dinner duty that night, allowing Marcia a moment to herself. To debrief, to prepare herself for tomorrow. She felt the nerves creeping up, like they did for every show she had done. She had to remind herself that it was going to go well, that she was going to do well. She focused on the warm water of the shower that was beginning to turn cold- maybe she had been in there longer than she thought.

She stepped out of the shower, wrapping her hair in a soft pink towel before beginning to dry herself off. It was nice, and for a moment she felt calm as she blow-dried her hair, the muffled music of Ariana Grande playing in the background. 7 rings was interrupted by the ringing of her phone, Marcia clicked off the hair dryer as she answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey, doll." Lotus' voice came from the other end. "Are you able to talk?"

Marcia hummed, "For a little bit- Luxx will kill me if I miss dinner." She wrapped her soft pink robe around her as she left the bathroom and entered her bedroom across the hall. "I thought you're usually on patrol around this time of day?"

"I am, but it's always a slow start. Thought I'd talk to you until I get a call."

She softly smiled, "Well, I won't complain about that. How's your day been?"

"Pretty standard. I'm hanging out with my coworker soon, but other than that nothing of note. But enough about me- you're gonna be on Broadway tomorrow! How are you feeling?"

"Nervous. Excited. I can't tell- I think it's both." She chuckled, "I know I'll probably do well, but it's just those pre-show nerves, you know?"

"Nah, I know you're gonna crush it."

"But how do you know? What if I...I don't know, trip and break my arm or something."

"I think you'd still perform, even if you had to be in a cast. Don't worry. Besides, isn't the saying break a leg?"

Marcia softly sighed, a smile creeping onto her face as she rummaged through her dresser for her pajamas. "Yeah, it is...and you're probably right. I'm way too excited about this. I just can't believe it's finally happening!"

She heard a faint buzzing on the other line, vaguely recognizing it as the sound of a call.

"Do you have to go?"

Lotus sighed, "Yeah. I do. I'm sorry. Hey- break a leg tomorrow. You're gonna kill it."

Marcia smiled. "Thanks, I will."

She heard Lotus laugh, she could practically see the other girls smile in her head.

"Atta girl."

-

The next morning was a blur. She remembered waking up to a 'break a leg ;)' text from Lotus and eating breakfast with Luxx, but time seemed to fly by after that. Her usual subway ride seemed to take five minutes, and their rehearsal that morning felt like it had happened in a second.

Now, she was in the dressing room with her castmates, all giddy and excited for the show. She applied the last of her blush and made sure her costume was perfect, waiting in the wings with the rest of the ensemble for the first number to start. Many were excitedly whispering to each other, the air in the theatre felt electric.

"Who's here for you tonight, Marcia?" One of her castmates and friends, Plasma, asked her.

"My friends and one of my cousins- we're going out afterward. What about you?"

"Some of my friends- and my mom, she flew in from Texas to be here. I can't believe it's opening night!" She excitedly shook Marcia's arm, causing her to smile.

"I know. Oh! There's the house lights, we're going!" She excitedly whispered, taking her place in preparation. She felt the anxiety returning to her chest, taking a deep breath as the curtains drew open.

They began their first number, which went as perfectly as it could. Marcia hit all the right steps, all the right notes, and stayed in character the entire time. She felt the anxiety in her chest dissipate after the first number, it turning into a feeling of joy. She felt good going into the second number, which turned into feeling great for the entire first act. During intermission, she and Plasma celebrated their success, which meant excitedly talking about the show while they made costume and makeup adjustments for the second act.

The second act also went spectacularly. She could tell the entire cast was bringing their all, and the audience could too. Every time the audience laughed or cheered her drive became stronger, causing her to perform even better. By the time curtain call came, she was exhausted- but proud. As she bowed with the rest of the ensemble, she could hear Luxx's cheers above the rest. She couldn't see her group because of the house lights, but that was enough to put a smile on her face. 

She's able to get out of her costume and makeup fairly quickly, only delayed by her and Plasma geeking out about the show- releasing the remainder of the energy they had for the night. Eventually, she gathered her things and left, signing some things for a few fans at the stage door before spotting her friends.

"MARSHALL!" Luxx squealed, tightly hugging the other girl. Marcia giggled as her friends swarmed her, excitement filling the air. Jan raved on and on about her vocals and dance moves, her cousin was a fellow theatre nerd and they often spent their childhood watching different musicals (and poorly reenacting them). Robin, although less experienced in the theatre world, complimented her performance and gave her a bouquet- which Amethyst almost crushed as she pulled the group in to take a photo.

Marcia feels elated as the group returns to her apartment, giving her time to change into a sparkly mini-dress. She quickly shot a text to Lotus before coming back out, rejoining the girls who had also changed. They took a quick shot of some tequila they had lying around the house before heading to the nearest gay bar.

-

"My girlfriend said she and her friend are a few minutes away," Robin yelled above the noise, trying to keep Amethyst from getting swallowed up by the crowd. "I'm making them get us drinks- what does everyone want?"

The girls shouted out their various drink orders to Robin, drowned out by the club's music. The lights strobed and Marcia could feel her body vibrating from the bass. She danced with Luxx and Amethyst, letting herself go and focusing on having fun- she deserved it, after all. She felt her legs growing sore, but it didn't bother her. She would regret it in the morning, however it wasn't anything she couldn't deal with.

They only stopped dancing when Robin squealed, throwing herself into the arms of a girl who had just walked up. "That's Aura," Amethyst shouted so they could hear, the other girls nodding along. "Who's that beside her?" Marcia asked, referring to the girl who had appeared beside Aura.

She was wearing a short red dress and a leather jacket, and her long light-colored hair was straight and worn down, with some bobby pins to keep her bangs back. She looked like she had some darker streaks in her hair, but she couldn't be too sure with the blaring club lights. From what Marcia could see, she had a pretty athletic build and a scar over her left eye. She felt like she knew the girl, but she couldn't place her finger on why.

"I guess her friend," Amethyst whispered in her ear, "She's hot, right? Is she glaring at us though?" Marcia turned her attention back to the other woman, Amethyst was right- she did seem to be glaring, but she couldn't even clearly see the girl because of the flashing lights.

"Can't tell."

Aura and Robin finally broke apart, allowing Aura to shift her attention to the other girl.

"Oh! This is one of my friends, Anetra!" The other girl nodded her head in greeting. "She doesn't bite, she just has chronic RBF." Aura laughed, Anetra rolled her eyes and playfully elbowed her. Amethyst introduced herself first before Marcia did- she noticed the girl's eyes widen a bit before returning to normal. That was strange, did she recognize her too?

She was going to talk to her more when Aura pulled her away to go get the group's drinks, putting a pin in her plan. That was fine, she'd just talk to her when she returned. However, Anetra didn't return. Aura came back alone, balancing the drinks in her arms.

"Where'd Anetra go?" Luxx asked, taking her drink from Aura.

"She got a call while we were waiting at the bar- came back and said there was an emergency and dashed out. She seemed stressed about it."

"I hope she's okay..." Marcia worried, "Poor girl just got here."

"I'll check up on her later, she's a tough cookie so I'm sure she'll be fine."

That was the last they talked about it, the rest of the night was a blur as they danced and drank until their feet hurt. Marcia tried to tone it down so she wouldn't feel as miserable tomorrow, which worked to some degree. She and Luxx left around 1 am, both deciding to be somewhat responsible. She quickly changed into her pajamas, almost passing out the instant she hit the bed. She shot off a goodnight text to Lotus, who still hadn't answered her last message, which was odd. She worried something may have happened, but she pushed that thought to the back of her mind- she was just paranoid.

[randomtangle]

NextFest Demos General Review

I'm gonna write what I think of the demos I played this NextFest. Each title is a link to the Steam Page, be sure to grab yourself a demo if NextFest isn't over (June 10-17, 2024). If not, some of them might still have public demos, and some of them might be out by the time you read this!

NextFest has ended but demos still remain! Check them out or wishlist them if they’re in pre-release.

500 Caliber Contractz

Mario 64 but you have a high-caliber sniper rifle. It's honestly more often a movement tool than a weapon, and the movement tech in this game is quite interesting. I haven't gotten it quite down yet. I’ll write more about it later.

Aero GPX

Reminds me of Kirby Air Ride.

Airborne Empire

This game is seriously addictive. I meant to give it 30 minutes (around the minimum time I’ve been giving there games), and it took 3 hours. The whole conceit of the game is that you are building an airborne city. All sorts of things matter, such as the tilt (you can’t just pile it all onto one side), the lift (you need to add fans, which need to be manned by citizens, to allow for enough lift to build more stuff), and propulsion (buildings will slow you down, so you can build propellers and stuff to help you move faster), as well as food and water and coal) to keep everything running) and various building resources which you gather by deploying workers to deposits on the land using a hangar. Light is also important to stop accidents at night… there’s all the little systems you need to manage. I really love it. Usually in city builders I get really stressed about strategic placement and how me not leaving space next to that big useless rock turns out to be a mistake when I advance in the tech tree and learn the rock is actually the most useful and I trapped it under an underpass. Airborne Empires can have the “I didn’t know how big this building is so I didn’t leave enough space here” problem (I really wish I could preview buildings before I had the resources to build them), but it’s mostly fine. The tilt and lighting systems lead to making a spread-out base. You recruit more citizens by hiring them from settlements below, but you’ll have to feed them all, and at least where I am in the game, you can only gather food and water, not generate it.it’s visually very cute, all the people are birds, and the talking sounds are birdcalls. It’s pretty chill most of the time, even the occasional pirate attack isn’t that bad, especially if you get defense towers, since you can repair pretty quickly. I could play the game for days on end, honestly. I love it.

Akimbot

A very fun 3D platformer, reminds me of Ratchet & Clank, Crash Bandicoot, Skylanders, etc. The whole game looks really nice and stylized. I played with the Acid Sprayer and found it to be very fun. The voice acting and dialogue were a smidge lacking at times (Exe feels compelled to go "Tch" every time Shipset talks, and Shipset cannot shut up, but it didn't annoy me.) Overall I'm excited to see how the full game turns out!

Aloft

I didn’t find Aloft interesting. It’s not that I don’t like survival games, per se, it’s that my patience with survival games is really low. (300 hours of DST has changed me.) They need to be really interesting for me to stick, because if not, I sink untold hours into them getting progressively more and more annoyed. Aloft is probably someone’s cup of tea, but it ain’t mine. Sorry.

Beyond These Stars

Coming Soon!

Dice & Fold

A very fun roguelike deckbuilder game that's more about rolling dice than drawing cards. Enemies have slots you must fill to defeat them. Some enemies require exact rolls (say, a 3), and some just have numbers that have to be reduced (say, a 5, and you could put a 2 and a 3 in it to complete the slot). And there's more like doubles slots, slots that only accept odd or even numbers, etc. Your hero has an ability that you can earn by filling in the required slot on your hero card, there's all sorts of items and companions that alter the game in little ways... it's really fun and I'd love to play more of it in the future!

Dimhaven Enigmas

I love the graphics, just to get that out of the way. Pixilated textures are to die for, I’m a huge sucker for PSX or DS/3DS-style textures. It’s an interesting puzzle game, it’s pretty intriguing, but dangit if I’m not bad at puzzles, lmao. It’s tough! It really makes you work for the answer, I like that, but I can’t really write review of a completed demo because of it. Try it out!

Dustborn

It seemed… interesting. The graphics look good, the fight mechanics seem to have a bit of meat, but are sorta unseasoned. (They don’t feel like they flow that easily into each other but that might just be a personal skill issue.) The humor and writing isn’t really my cup of tea, it feels sorta like they’re always talking, and the lines in combat seem to overlap sometimes but I’m sure that’s unintended. Idk if I personally will be buying the full game, I’d rather wait for a review of the full game to see if I wanna buy it, but I don’t hate it.

Gladio Mori

Gladio Mori explores an interesting concept of a physics-based medieval weapon fighting game that oftentimes feels a bit like TABS if you were in complete control of a unit. It's definitely interesting. Right now there's only 3 weapons and no move editor, but I feel like the simple existence of a move editor means that in the future, there's untold levels of complexity to be found in this game. Has multiplayer!

Goblin Cleanup

It’s fun. There’s not much to say about it, as it’s just a simpler Viscera Cleanup Detail, but it’s cute, honestly. There’s some interesting quirks and level progression things, such as being able to light slimes on fire to be semi-infinite, faster mops, and you can do a lot with traps and stuff. Sorta simple as-is, unless I just missed the really cool stuff. (I haven’t played all of the demo yet, only the first two levels.)

I Am Your Beast

This game is amazing. The presentation of cutscenes is phenomenal; I really love the big bold letters and colored background. It's simple but it does its job. The voice acting is great, too. And the gameplay is just amazing. The amount of speed and precision you can move and attack with is on point. I'd suggest everyone

Kaiserpunk

Coming Soon!

KILL KNIGHT

Kill Knight has some wicked graphics. They look like they’re crackling with an unchained energy, power so great it corrodes the world. The gameplay is tough, I can barely survive a few waves, but the combat is promisingly meaty. Sword kills fuel the heavy weapon, and enemy drops can fuel the bfg thing (forgot its name). I’m not used to twin-stick shooters so I don’t know how much is innovative and interesting and how much is in every twin-stick shooter, but I certainly found the game really interesting. Really tough, but really interesting.

MACHI KORO With Everyone

Only the offline tutorial as of now, which is kinda annoying since i can't even try to run an offline hotseat game. But, it teaches Machi Koro pretty well. I like Machi Koro I like this game. It is nothing more or less than being just Machi Koro.

Metal Slug Tactics

Coming Soon!

Once Human

Open-World Survival Horror MMO. I’m only into survival horror, really, and was playing alone (I’m not that into MMOs except with friends). The systems seem okay, the combat is about what you would expect with heavy and light attacks and simple chains… the character creator is pretty good. (And I love myself a good character creator.) Not my cup of tea.

One Btn Bosses

It’s a bullet hell but you only need one button. Your “ship” moves on a ring outside the boss, and you use the button to change directions. The faster you’re moving (you gain more speed the longer you travel in a given direction), the faster you shoot. That’s about it for the systems (that I could see, at least. I haven’t beat it.) it’s fun, I’d recommend it to anyone. After all, you only need to press one button!

SCHiM

A very cute puzzle game where you play as the shadow of this one guy. You jump from shadow to shadow to navigate the levels. The art is beautiful accented neutrals, the music and sound design is really cute and musical, reminiscent of Untitled Goose Game. It’s really cute!

Screw Drivers

It’s Lego Technic as a racing game. To be completely honest, it just didn’t click well with me. The building aspect of it felt like every Lego Technic I’ve ever built, plus actual engineering. You need to connect the engine to the axel to the drive wheels, and set those to steerable… I know that’s simple, but it’s a bit too complicated for me to play that much. I’m a simple woman. Seemed fun to drive the cars, tho.

SWORN

It’s Hades but with Arthurian Legend. I don’t really know what more to say. It controls like Hades (well, I played Hades on the Switch, so maybe keybinds are different than I expect) it’s got similar systems of boons, in-level currency and cumulative secondary currencies, et cetera, et cetera. This isn’t a slight against it, I really like it! I can’t really speak for its writing since I can’t find much and I’m sure not all of it is in as of yet, but what I could find in-game was interesting. I don’t quite understand the world and how the Holy Grail and pagan deities and King Arthur all feed into why these monsters are about, but I’m assuming that’s elaborated on as you go through. I’d be willing to get the full game.

Tactical Breach Wizards

I adore this game. The graphics are really cute, the combat puzzles are really interesting and fun (I like this genre of games, I’m totally blanking on the name tho) and the writing… oh the writing. The writing is so good. The jokes are right up my alley, the story is really interesting, the world is the right amount of absurd that the characters can be deadpan about always having newt bones on their person that you can tell that it’s just as much of a half-joke in-universe as you’d expect. It’s really fun and I’m hoping to play the full game upon release.

Tavern Talk

I loved this game. The sound design is so peaceful and soothing, the writing I really like, there’s a lot of good jokes and just tender moments. I love Fable, the main other character in the game. They’re an anxious ranger who wants to get out into the world and go on adventures, they’re so cute. The other character, Caerlin, is nice too. The art is beautiful, I’m really invested in it now! I need to get the full game!

Tiny Glade

Cute game where you can do a bit of finely-controlled procedural generation of a little landscape, and take photos of it. I played game last NextFest called Dystopika that was like this but with a cyberpunk city. Tiny Glade is cute, simple, and allows you to make little houses and landscapes. It’s cute, I’m sure people will like it, but it just ain’t my genre.

[skyberia]

some "behind the scenes" stuff from this comic (read as: wips and assorted thoughts)

SOME BACKSTORY: i was halfheartedly playing through strikers after finishing p5r. the fact that akechi's not even mentioned in that whole game made me sad. the fact that akechi stops being mentioned basically the moment he dies in p5 vanilla makes me sad. i had thoughts. so i decided to make a comic about it

i wrote down the entirety of the script for this while in a complete haze listening to third eye by florence + the machine on repeat for an hour straight. that song has nothing to do with anything the comic is about. or with either of the characters involved. i can't explain my thought process there.

(the 'official' title of the comic is "a ghost amongst the living (consequences of a cognitive death.)" as a sort of tribute to that song, even though it has, again, nothing to do with what the comic is about)

THE SCRIPT: the numbers correlate to text bubbles on my thumbnails (see next). i also put it on discord so i could more easily see it/edit from either my phone or computer, which i don't think is the MOST efficient or professional way to go about doing this, but

you may notice this is a little bit different from the text on the final product. this is because. i changed some things while typing it out for the final thing. i don't know what else to tell you.

i did reach a point where i had read these same words over and over so much that i started questioning if anything i wrote made sense and if i even knew how to speak english correctly. i'd like to thank my friends for reassuring me that some of my wording was ok, and also google because every time i asked "is that even a thing people say" i would just plug it on there to try to figure it out (because i was too embarrassed to ask anyone to read over it)

THE THUMBNAILS: just a rough idea of panelling and where to put text bubbles and such. this took fucking forever. comics are hard. nobody ever tells you this (<- something i said about like 10 times to the same people while making this)

THE SKETCHES: basically grabbing the thumbnails and making them into an actual thing i can draw onto. also getting all the text laid out-- i don't think that's entirely necessary at this point but i was just excited to see it all laid out and being able to read it

(shoutout to my friend sophie for making the font i used for this/use for all my longer comics. she's an icon and a legend and has really nice handwriting)

you may notice that page 9 is completely different from the thumbnails. this is because i was tired by the time i got to that part in planning and i paid for it. brainstorming & reworking that page took me an entire day. comics are HARD. I AM TELLING YOU THIS

page 6 also changed by the time i got around to lining it because i decided that it sucked and i hated it. reworking that into something more acceptable also took me about half a day. i'm happy with how it turned out though, and glad that i no longer have the issue of having a flop ass page in the middle of this

THE PROCESS: was actually quite straightforward after that, just doing the lines and the like. but i wanted to share how i did the backgrounds. i grabbed a bunch of in-game screenshots i took for reference and just plugged them through csp's "artistic > lines only" filter and just traced over that

i love you art shortcuts that make my life & ability to make yaoi comics easier

(if you're curious too here's all the screenshots i took & was keeping on the side for reference)

ETC: some miscellaneous thoughts, because if you've made it all the way through this then you probably don't have anything better to do anyway:

all in all this took two weeks. script was written on the 11th, thumbnails were done on the 14th, sketches were done on the 17th, lining on the 24th, aaand colouring took me just one day. comics are HARD and TAKE TIME. NOBODY TELLS YOU THIS!!!!!

i actually started getting wrist pain somewhere along the 2nd day of lining/3rd page. that step of the process probably took longer than it otherwise would because i had to keep taking breaks 2 ensure i wouldn't break my hand completely -_-

my sanity throughout the lining process was only ensured by listening to a frankly stupid amount of jpop. thank you wednesday campanella and mrs. green apple

i think my favourite page is page 3. i like how the panels get crooked when akechi puts the detective prince persona on, i like how akira deadpans (in a straightened panel) to cut him off. also in order to get the hand right in the first panel i did the hair twirling motion myself and ended up hitting myself in the eye with my own hair. it was worth it though

IN CONCLUSION: i think they went a bit too hard with the yaoi fanservice in persona 5 royal

[cloudishmagma]

Some small sketches of some scenes with bloodlust devotion OCs!

(Plus some context cuz its like 11 pm)

Up right

With a sigh, Gwen adjusted the bunny ears on top of her hair. With only the thin fabric clinging to her form, she struggled to stop trembling; perhaps due to the cold or the sheer embarrassment. Her shift at the cafe would start in a couple of hours and her coworkers already exclaimed disbelief at the uniform chosen for this day's theme: bunny girls. As she looked at the mirror she began to ponder,

'Will Xavier think I look bad in this? Like,I have never worn something like this. Maybe he thinks its stupid.. To be fair, its so unfair to have to do this'.

There was no use on beating a dead horse soshe turned rhe handle and braced herself for her partner's response.

"So..How do I look? If I look bad dont say anything"

There was this akward silence as Gwen looked straight at him, her face becoming more red the more he refrained from speaking. As anxious as a mouse, she looked away and went to get her workbag, muttering some incomprehensible vanter on how stupid she looked.

Suddenly, Gwen felt her feet off the ground . Afterwards, she was spinned towards her lover, who now supported her weight with his two hands in a rather close embrace.

"You look absolutely ravishing precious"

Lets just say she had to take care of something with him and missed her shift ^^'

Up left

Ber unwrapped the cherry popsicle with ease and she waited for Max to finish whatever meeting he had to do. He was already late and annoyance tickled her with every passing minute. As she popped the sweet treat into her mouth, her eyes wondered across the busy streets on town. In her head she already had their whole date planned. Go to the movies, grab a snack, go for a walk and if things went smoothly, she could ride him at her apartment. But that's just a fantasy, and the reality is that Amber has been waiting for 10 minutes and little does she know her date is eating a 'delicacy' that tried to escape before his date.

Not long after did Max appear, wearing his neat uniform and waving his hand like an innocent angel. Her eyes were trained on him as she walked towards him nonchalantly.

"Hi cutie! I'm sorry for comi- ughmf"

She forcibly opened his mouth with one hand as the two of them stood and inch from each other. His eyes, sparkling with curiosity, followed her other hand as she took out her candy with an obvious loud pop. A long, slimy string of salive stuck to the sweet as she gently placed it on his mouth. His face flushed and his eyes, now full of lust were trained on her.

"Tell me next time. I will have you begging for forgiveness when Im done with you tonight. ..My apartment. Now. Do you want to?"

She removed her hand from his face. He nodded ,dumbfounded, and followed his partner like a lost puppy while his pants got tighter by the minute.

Its a bit late so I cant be bothered to do James,srry.

(Ironic cuz I spend the most time with that drawing+ he is one of my fav)

@hotpinkmoon is the creator of bloodlust devotion, go check out their page if you are into yandere content

[acnhretreat]

wow this post sure got long.

i’ve been wanting to make some more animal crossing art

i’m getting used to drawing again after almost 10 years of stopping (with like one drawing here and there every couple years) so i’ve been warming up letting myself draw poorly and it’s been extremely freeing, since the reason i quit drawing to begin with was because i started feeling like i wasn’t good enough. at that time i quit drawing and got into abstract painting because “you don’t have to be good at it” but newsflash to past insecure me you don’t have to be good at any art to make it. and while logically i know this, and i actually believe it deeply with my whole soul that you do not have to be “””good””” at art to create art and in fact it’s very human to create art and whether art is “””good””” or not is subjective anyway and i’m genuinely, and always have been, a huge fan of “””bad””” art because so much “””bad””” art is sooo good. and i feel this way about like all mediums. catch me consuming and appreciating all kinds of art all over the place. but, sorry gonna overshare for a sec, i’ve got an eensy bit of a personality disorder that makes me an eensy bit insecure and filled with an almost unshakable sense of shame and humiliation. well, it’s my fucking life goal to break free from that shame. and thank god, the older i’m getting the stronger my sense of self and self worth are becoming. and finally, i’m allowing myself to explore drawing again, which i used to do and enjoy for hours upon hours every day of my childhood. drawing was my main form of escape and artist expression aside from writing. i create all different types of art but drawing used to feel like mine. it came so natural to me i never thought twice about it. i let a small comment that someone made get to me. and i am determined to concur this. i was 16 at the time, or maybe had just turned 17. when i stopped drawing. and i’m 27 now and it feels soo freeing to let myself draw and not be “great” at it.

since i was about 20 i’ve been trying to get myself back into drawing, dipping my toes in drawing just one little thing every couple years. i felt so stressed because i had a lot of artist’s acquaintances. i grew up in a pretty artsy town in northern california. and i remember when i started trying to draw again, i felt so frustrated that my peers had never stopped drawing, they continued to practice and got better. whereas i stopped and got worse. and i compared myself and felt so angry. i felt like i would be just as skilled as them had i never given it up! and it made it so hard for me to start back up again. my drawing abilities had regressed to the skill level i was at when i was in like 4th/5th grade. i wasn’t even at the level that i was when i had stopped drawing at age 16/17. and it took me a long time to get over the fact that i’m going to have to practice a whole lot more to get back to the place i left off.

this year i decided i don’t care anymore. i keep a sketchbook in my bed under the pillow on the side i don’t sleep on. pencils and markers within reach. and i’ve been allowing myself to draw whatever, whenever i feel like it. silly art, vent art. sometimes i want to draw but all i can do is write on the page and that’s alright too. i’ve spent the last 10 years mostly just writing and painting abstract to express myself, so that’s just what flows easier sometimes. but i’ve been creating. drawing stuff. the other day i thought to myself “i havent really drawn a picture of spongebob since i was a kid” so i took out my markers and i drew a really crude drawing of spongebob. and then i drew patrick and squidward and sandy and a jellyfish. and it did look like a kid drew it lol. and it was so fun to make. A couple months ago i took out a crayon and drew along with Steve on some episodes on Blue’s Clue’s like i used to do when i was 5. Steve actually taught me how to draw a lot of basic stuff. and that felt so nice to imitate what he draws on screen and get my hands comfortable creating shapes intentionally again.

the other day i drew a whole bunch of pictures of Stitches and some of them turned out looking real freaky and i actually was pretty happy with the end result, having a bunch of blobby drawings of my favorite animal crossing villager all on one page lol.

i feel so inspired by the animal crossing art i see online it makes me excited to get to draw more. sometimes i don’t have a ton of creative energy to draw a big elaborate drawing like i used to when i was a teen but i’m gonna baby-steps my way up to drawing more and more elaborate and interesting animal crossing artwork. not even to share with others people or anything, although i might someday. but just for me. for the love of my favorite game and for the love of drawing

[cdmagic1408]

Highlights from The Art of Onward book!

alright so I've decided this week for Onward Fan Art Friday that I'd do something a little different...

tbh I kind of had a hard time deciding on a theme for my 11th edition—or "up to 11" I should say—post, so hopefully that'll be decided by next week (it most probably will)

so what's this week all about you ask?

well believe it or not, I had never owned ✨The Art of Onward book✨ until yesterday! i know...crazy, right? but I found my opportunity to finally get it when i saw that it was 45% off on Amazon. so instead of paying the usual 40 bucks, I only had to pay $21! it was good deal, I'd say. but yeah I had ordered it a couple days ago, it came in the mail yesterday, and as soon as I got my hands on it I read through the whole thing, carefully looked through every page, did some excited squealing every now and again lol...cue my daily I absolutely love this film, its world, and its characters so much speech...

it took me like three hours and all I can say is WHAT A RIDE. this is such an amazing book!!

Now I've seen a good number of the art in this book from previews or elsewhere on the internet, but there are also a ton of really cool pieces in here that I'd never seen at all before that I am just blown away by! it reminded me of the amazing onward fanart I only ever see on Instagram, and in turn—the purpose of my onward fanart sharing series

so whether you own the Art of Onward book or not, tonight I'm going to spotlight pieces from within it that caught my eye, deserve more recognition, and perhaps some analyzation (this is OFFICIAL onward art after all...)

and let me tell ya, picking just 10 pieces for this wasn't easy...everything from everyone in here is SO GOOD!

Artists

just a few quick pre-notes...

I did happen to catch the names of the artists in some of the angles, but others not so much, so I'm gonna credit them all down below like I always do anyway

I won't, however, put in links to instagrams this time around because some members of the fabulous onward crew don't have insta and instead either don't have social media at all or are on lots of other social sites (primarily LinkedIn), and/or have their own portfolio websites—all of which you can easily find by looking up their name in a Google search!

lastly, all the images above are taken from The Art of Onward book, specifically my Art of Onward book, and were captured using my iPhone 13 Pro

Noah Klocek, Production Designer - ahhh I love this! The gang's all here! Ian and all his friends, including Kagar it looks like! I've always wanted to see a character line up of these 6! and a 3D model of Kagar too!

Madeline Sharafian, Head of Story at Pixar - ok this gives off major levels of sassy Ian and I just love it! I wonder what he's being sassy about tho...like, is he telling someone off? is he claiming he can do anything he sets his mind to with his magic? I NEED CONTEXT

Chris Sasaki, Art Director/Character Designer - awwwwww young Barley reading young Ian a storybook! emphasis on AWWWWWWWW!!! this is a very small drawing but it really doesn't matter how big it is...this is absolutely precious!

Maria Yi, Character Designer - I really love all her character drawings of Laurel, but I also really enjoy what she made here! This is something every artist needs a reminder of every once in a while: that all characters are made up of simple shapes and it's a great place to start when going about drawing them!

Kristen Lester, Storyboard Artist - 🎵 wouldn’t you like to quarter own a beautiful vacation home? 🎵 i swear...that song, and these lyrics in particular, from the deleted scene just started playing in my head the moment i laid eyes on this piece! i think cause the sirens themselves are holding contracts lol

Grant Alexander, Character Designer - this drawing seems to imply that Ian and Barley were once going to meet the pixie dusters in an actual swamp instead of the swamp-like aesthetic that ended up in the final film...but I love this idea of them hanging out in a club or bar when they're not riding their motorcycles!

Nat McLaughlin, Art Director/Set Designer - this concept looks very epic but also very dangerous at the same time...while I wouldn't want to risk being in a train accident inside a volcano, the idea of looking out a window and watching lava bubble and boil while riding in a subway sounds like a very fun attraction!

Don Shank, Set Designer, and self-proclaimed to draw and paint - OH MY GOSH KEVIN!!! Kevin from UP is in this drawing!! I love Kevin! if they were thinking of giving her a cameo at the time the phoenix was going to be the final villain that would've been interesting!

Zaruhi Galstyan, Freelance Character Designer - this is a piece from Jenny's set of pages and all I wanna say is I really love this beautiful character design! she looks like an ancient nature spirit! and now I have to ask: do these creatures exist in the onward-verse?

Dan Scanlon, the creator of all that is Onward! - who better to save for the best for last than our man Dan himself? I love all three of these drawings he made! I really enjoy drawings that visually set the scene and point out where everything is going to go, like actually pointing out with arrows who or what goes where

[autisticshadowthehedgehog]

Sonic Filmverse Chaos Emerald Theory, Part Who Fucking Knows: The Novelization won’t shut up about Chaos

Original Theory for Context

So, earlier, @birdsareblooming​ was given two quotes from the Sonic 2020 novelization implying Chaos energy is present in Sonic- link here. So, I got a hold on the novelization to see what was up.

Now, disclaimer outright: the novelization is based on an early version of the script, from what I can tell, and so it’s not super accurate to the final film- Wade, Jojo, Rachel and Ozzy are nonexistent, Maddie barely does anything, there’s less death fakeouts, etc... however, it should be noted that this is considered official, and so should count for at least something.

And as for what it counts for? I tabbed off every instance of the word “chaos” or “chaotic” in this book, and...

IT’S. A LOT.

According to the Amazon search feature, which I used because I’m too lazy to count myself, there are 14 instances of “chaos” and 5 of “chaotic”, totaling 19. And almost all of them are related to Sonic’s power. Not all of them, of course, but enough to draw suspicion.

Below, I’m going to list each line that references chaos with the page number, and you can... draw your own conclusions.

p.8: [Longclaw] was the only one who had cared for him after the emergence of his powers. Even in their world, the blur fur... the electric speed... it was nearly indescribable. There were some who believed his powers would unleash chaos on the world.

p.8: And so Longclaw took him into hiding on the island. There he could run free and be something close to a normal kid. The most chaotic things about his life were his hilarious pranks. That’s how he saw it.

p.10: And the hoods these [echidnas] wore showed their allegiance to the powerful warlords who had chased Sonic his whole life. They wanted to unleash the chaos energy inside him and overtake the world. [a]

p.11: “It’s too late for that. And besides, you don’t want to live only to destroy. You were meant for more than chaos.” [Longclaw] said, like she had a thousand times before. “I don’t know why this power came to you, but I have to believe that it was for more than being a pawn in someone else’s game.”

p.38-39: And the faster he went, the more his fur and his quills tingled with that chaotic blue energy.

p.39: The entire field exploded, knocking even Sonic off course and into the dirt. He squinted and just caught a massive wave of blue chaos energy shooting up and out across the sky.

p.42-43: Robotnik had been contacted twelve hours after the incident. Twelve hours since an electrical shockwave exploded out of Podunk Hills and caused chaos for over eight hundred miles.

p.79: By the time Sonic was able to stop laughing, a wall of bikers- all filled with rage- had surrounded them. That’s when chaos broke out.

p.92: The botnik shuddered as Sonic’s hands reached out in front of him and made a thunderous clap. The shockwave of chaotic blue energy radiated out of those fingers with all its fury pointed back from where they’d come from.

p.98: The more [Robotnik] stared into the chaotic energy of this hedgehog, the more Robotnik became obsessed with the potential of harnessing its disorder. With that kind of power source, he could convert the whole world into a robot revolution.

p.110: “Donut Lord, you don’t know what it’s like when I let that chaos out of me,” [Sonic] said. “I’ve never seen humans shoot lightning out of their butts.”

p.113-114: “You want to feel the power of real chaos so bad?” Sonic taunted. “You’ll have to catch me first, Ro-Butt-Nik!” [b]

p.114: Sonic launched himself in the air, and suddenly he could see everything in fine detail. He had sensed it at the roadhouse, too, but he was having too much fun then to understand what was happening. All the madness, the mayhem, the pure chaos of the fight slowed down in his mind, and he could perceive every motion of Robotnik’s mindless Badniks. [c]

p.116: Robotnik had pulled up a  glass case containing Sonic’s lost quill. And with a click, he activated the quill as a chaos power battery.

p.118-119: “He’s got the power of chaos now,” Sonic said as he dropped through the air in the free fall. “I can’t leave him with even a drop of that power.”

p. 130: “You think you got it all figured out, but you played yourself,” Sonic said with a jeer as he sped from spot to spot, just ahead of the egg-pod’s busted cannons. “You thought you could steal a bit of my chaos energy and use it to bend the world to your will. But it doesn’t work like that. Chaos doesn’t get controlled, and neither do I, Ro-Butt-Nik!” [d]

p.131: “Chaos doesn’t have to mean destruction,” Sonic said, dodging from side to side. “I know how it works now.” [e]

p.132: A final chaotic burst threw the ring right at Robotnik, eating up the scientist and his cruel machine. A shockwave of blue lightning dissipated in the air, and when the sound of thunder died down, Sonic stood alone in a burned circle of dirt.

Other notes:

a. Calling the echidnas “powerful warlords” makes more sense when you remember Pachacamac is in charge of them rn... and what was Pachacamac trying to steal to use as a weapon, again? Some emeralds?

b. This doesn’t have anything to do with the theory, but I just wanna say the novelization had way more SATAM references with “Ro-Butt-Nik” and Sonic calling things “Way past cool” and now I just miss Sally.

c. Sounds a bit like Chaos Control, hun.

d. This one seems the most deliberate and intentional reference- but with all the other references to chaos energy, it just makes the others seem more legit to me.

e. Sonic Adventure vibes....

So. hmm. inch resting

[trivalentlinks]

so I was thinking about how in some sense all stories are love stories, even if it’s not romantic love or anything like that, because love is stored everywhere, and I was also re-reading some lecture notes I typed up for a class I took and I was just overwhelmed by how much love I put into these notes. And not just me. This class only had like 10 students in it and the professor and the other students all put so much love into the class. Truly all stories are love stories.

literally I drew >180 pictures for these lecture notes, and that doesn’t seem like much, but then I was looking at the caption for one of my pictures and it said “this function is, of course, supposed to be symmetric, but okay, shut up, you try drawing that on inkscape with only a trackpoint!” and I was suddenly flooded with the memory of, yes, I drew these 180+ pictures on inkscape without a tablet pen or a mouse, like I literally used my laptop trackpoint, and some of these pictures are intense.

This is what a typical excerpt looked like from these notes:

and the notes were 250 pages!

in this class I literally just typed as fast as I could in class and drew the pictures by pen on a piece of paper and then spent hours after every lecture figuring out what happened and putting it all together...

there were parts where I couldn’t understand the proof, so I consulted other books and lecture notes and/or worked it out with a classmate to put a proof together, which I then put into the footnotes...

There’s an entire five page proof that’s written down twice in the notes, with two slightly different proofs, because I didn’t understand the proof from class, so I asked the professor and he literally took a couple hours to re-explain it to me, and found alternate proofs for the parts that I didn’t understand.

... Like he did all that for one (1) student.

At some point on ratemyprofessor he had a review that was something like “seeing professor [...] is like negative five black cats--it just makes your whole day better!” and I truly, truly agree with this rating. 

All stories are love stories. Love is stored everywhere.

(okay, sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m done being nerdy on main for now. (I only have one Tumblr blog--never figured out how sideblogs worked.))

[lokiondisneyplus]

Loki spoilers won't be found here.

Loki shouldn't exist. Not as a show anyway. Despite being perhaps Marvel's most popular character on screen, Loki snuffed it at the start of Avengers: Infinity War. But of course, that didn't stick for long, what with him being a god and all.

Following the return of an alternate Loki in Avengers; Endgame, Thor's mischievous brother is now working to fix the timeline alongside an organisation known as the Time Variance Authority (TVA). It's a weird starting point for one of Marvel's most unique characters, but in a world where people fly and heroes are named after bugs, weird is most welcome. In fact, that's exactly why fans are so passionate about Marvel, and that includes Loki director Kate Herron.

"I remember trying to turn one of my Barbies into Storm, and I melted her hair off," says Herron. As far as Marvel entry points go, that has to rank up there with the very best. And just like Kate grew up "loving the X-Men cartoon," a whole new generation will grow up adoring shows like Loki.

Herron tells us that she's always loved the God of Mischief, so when she heard that Loki would be starring in his own solo outing, she immediately had to get involved. "I remember saying to my agent, 'Just keep calling them. Just keep calling them. Eventually, they will cave, and they will meet me.'"

Once she was in the room with Disney, Kate showed them a 60-page pitch document that included "everything" in it. "I figured, go big or go home, because I knew I’d be up against some really experienced directors, and I thought, 'Well, I’m not going to lie to them' and be like, 'I’m the most experienced person you’re meeting.’ But I thought I’d just be the most passionate."

"Loki defines what the vibe of the MCU has become. He was that, almost from the beginning."

Clearly, it worked, and not long after, Herron started to collaborate with Loki head writer Michael Waldron, another Marvel fan who took an unusual path to reach this point. Before joining the House of Mouse, Michael worked in the Rick and Morty writers room, which he describes as a sort of "sci-fi college" where he was "inundated with science-fiction knowledge all day, every day."

Riffing on obscure Marvel characters for Rick and Morty put Waldron in good stead for the challenges he would face writing Loki. "Obviously that kind of sci-fi multiversal world was adjacent to what Marvel is doing more and more of. My brain was really finely tuned for that, heading into the MCU world."

In his first pitch meeting, Michael described Loki himself as pivotal to this world that Marvel has created. "He defined what the sense of humour and the vibe of the MCU had become. He was that, almost from the beginning." It's vital then that Marvel gets this show right, and that's something both Michael and Kate are fully aware of.

Not only does Herron want to "pay respect and homage to a character that people love," she also wants to ensure "there’s a reason why we’re going back in," by "taking Loki to fresh ground."

Of course, covering "fresh ground" can be risky, especially with a "six-hour movie" like this. And that's why Waldron was "terrified" longtime Marvel fans might find their show too complex or inaccessible. "That was my biggest fear. It keeps me up at night," says Michael. But the writers room rose to that challenge by starting from the ground up.

"We had to establish a logical foundational sci-fi reality for the show. It’s the TVA. They police time. That meant that we had to create rules, and build out what do they do? Why do they do it? For the writers’ room, they all had drawings and stuff like this on the whiteboards."

"That was my biggest fear. It keeps me up at night."

"And that necessitates really complex explanations and ideas," Michael continues. "Then you have to figure out: 'OK, how can we boil this down into a very simple way so that the audience is going to understand what Loki is going through, but they’re not going to feel like they’re in science class? They’re not going to tune out because they’re bored?'"

That doesn't seem likely though. Waldron describes himself as the show's "harshest critic," so he was quick to call out scenes or bits of dialogue that might not work. "I’m very easily bored," says Michael. "I fall asleep easily in anything." And it was this low threshold that helped him navigate those trickier exposition scenes in ways that will still hold the viewer's interest.

And it also helps that we've never seen Loki quite like this before. As Kate points out, "Loki's in a very different place to where we’ve seen him in the last 10 years. We’re taking him on a very unique, new journey. It’s him working out who he is, and trying to basically undo this mess he’s made with time, with the TVA."

Although there will be nods to the comics, Herron says that Loki's journey here is something we've "not seen or read before." And that's also true of where we're at in the MCU right now. Post-Endgame, this is a very different world to the one Stan Lee envisioned all those many years ago.

Michael remembers when the Loki writer's room was fortunate enough to watch an early cut of Avengers: Endgame, and then suddenly they realised, "We’re making Loki in this era after that." So what comes next? "To me, that was exciting – this unchartered territory of 'where does the MCU go?' It felt like, more than ever, that sandbox – we could blow the lid on it, and go wherever we wanted to."

No comic book characters were off-limits to Waldron and his team either. "If they were within the rights, and legal could clear it, there was no reason we couldn’t try and chase them down." And when we pressed him on possible cameos, Michael simply told us to "Expect the unexpected."

"Loki's in a very different place to where we’ve seen him in the last 10 years."

That's often par for the course with new shows like this, but we have no reason to doubt Michael here, because for once, it really does seem like Loki will be different from anything that's come before. Kate says just when it looked like things might be getting "too" weird — "They’re not going to let me do this" – Marvel told her, “No, go weirder.”

So yes, keep an eye out for "twists and turns" and sure, look out for wider "ramifications" that will impact the MCU at large. But first and foremost, except things to get real weird real fast. Could melty-haired Storm even appear for a multiverse cameo? Probably not, but that's exactly the kind of chaos we're expecting to see in the God of Mischief's very first solo venture.

Loki premieres on June 9, 2021, streaming exclusively on Disney+.

[fiddlepickdouglas]

Viva Las Vegas, Pt. 18 -Chemistry

Summary: Sunset Curve Alive AU, Willex, what will they do?, 2.5k

@trevor-wilson-covington is the bestie who makes these lovely edits, we stan supportive friends

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17

“Two, three, four!” Alex counted off and the band sprung into action inside the studio. The one good thing about the drums was that it made him hyper aware of every limb on his body. There was no room for distractions or intrusive thoughts when he was keeping time. It was almost like the euphoria of being dizzy, only without the dizziness. He could be okay in this state for a little while - just long enough to reset his mind and declutter itself.

As they finished their take, they heard a familiar voice from the sound booth.

“Sounds incredible boys!”

Caleb. There went the whole ‘reset and declutter’ thing he had going.

Each of the guys looked around at each other, knowing they would have to do their best to pretend they didn’t know anything. This was the first time they were seeing him since Alex had given the news to the rest of the band. None of them had actually discussed what they would do the next time Caleb happened to stop in. Setting down their instruments and slowly filing into the sound booth, they all greeted Caleb, trying to appear happy to see him.

“Let’s hear that playback, shall we?” he said as they all sat together. He pressed a few knobs on his soundboard and they all listened closely to their own song. It was just gonna be another session with notes on where they could dub vocals here and there or duplicate tracks to fill things out - it had to be normal, Alex prayed.

“And let’s stop here for a minute,” Caleb was saying after getting into a couple minutes of the track. “Reggie. What happened to the bassline?” Reggie sat up, blinking at being called out. “That’s not what was on your demo; why did you change it?”

Reggie’s face had already fallen as he made flustered attempts to respond.

“I-I...I just liked that line better...I think it fits the style and the direction of the song,” he stammered, shoulders slumped, avoiding eye contact. His hands came together in his usual fidget - the one he did when he got yelled at. Alex saw Bobby’s hand curl into a fist.

“Alright, alright, trust me,” Caleb placated. “I understand, probably more than any of you, why improvising a part feels so good. I wouldn’t host a jazz club if I didn’t get that. But here the difference is that no one knows your songs yet, boys.”

“We’ve had faithful fans for years,” Luke interrupted.

Caleb cut him off with a mere look. Shutting his mouth, Luke scratched the back of his head nervously. After taking a breath, Caleb simply let out a sigh.

“Boys.” His tone was really drawing on the charisma, Alex noticed. “My job in helping you reach the stardom that you all one hundred percent deserve is to help you create a footprint on the walk of fame. A footprint means as beginners we can’t mess with the core elements that make your brand. These songs need to stay consistent until we have thousands of fans singing back to you in the audience the very lines you wrote in your humble garage. They need to know the first few seconds of that drumbeat and recall who you are on the radio. They are going to learn those basslines and those chords and add them to their own repertoire while they aspire to be legends like you! Don’t you see how important that is? I know. Playing around is fun; experimenting with new ideas and sounds is the whole reason we’re here. But from now on, I want you boys to stay in one lane, and I will match your speed.”

Eyeing each other warily, they all awkwardly murmured and nodded to agree with him. None of his words had been all that comforting. Alex was stuck thinking about how Caleb had made an appeal to every single one of them and somehow been right on the nose. It was like he could read their minds and it felt rather invasive.

“We’ll remember that,” Alex told him. He knew the other three were battling with their fight or flight responses and it would be suspicious.

“Oh, good,” Caleb replied. “I can see we’re having an off day, but maybe Alex can get the rest of you on board. Let’s run that song again.”

Exchanging glances, the guys stood up and headed back into the recording booth.

“Man, chemistry sucks,” Bobby complained from his seat in the armchair in his garage. Books were spread out around him, as well as about a dozen crumpled up pieces of notebook paper. “Reggie would get this.”

Alex looked up from the history homework he’d been focused on. He was gaining such an ear for whenever Reggie or Bobby mentioned one another and it made him laugh inwardly. For now, though, he had to hide the smirk.

“Well, I would call him, but he’s taking care of his sister tonight.”

“Yeah, I know. I don’t want to bother him anyways.”

This was one of the rare occasions where it was just Alex and Bobby together. Usually at least Luke would be around, but he was out on some date with Julie and there was no telling when he was expected back. Bobby had been helping Alex with history for a little bit but about half an hour ago remembered his own homework in a panic. Now they were both having trouble focusing. Their time in the studio that morning was clearly still on both of their minds.

“Hey, did Reggie tell you we were playing for his cousin’s wedding?” Alex asked in a non sequitur fashion.

“What?” Bobby said, finally sitting up and tearing his eyes off the diagram he was making. “No, he didn’t. Since when was that happening?”

“I’ve known for a couple weeks,” Alex told him casually.

“Oh.” Bobby looked down at the floor. “Any reason you haven’t mentioned it until now?”

Alex shifted in his seat on the couch at the suspicion in Bobby’s voice, but tried to play it off with a shrug.

“I just forgot. We’ve had a lot going on since he mentioned it to me.”

It did the trick. Still, Bobby sat in thought for a while, playing with his tongue inside his mouth absent-mindedly. Alex physically bit his own tongue to keep himself from asking what was on Bobby’s mind and pretended to turn his attention back to his history work. There was a long, static pause.

“Reggie’s been really weird lately,” Bobby said.

“Is that so?” Alex didn’t look up this time.

“Yeah. I mean, he’s always been goofy and everything, but I mean, he’s been unusual even for him. You know what I mean?”

“I guess I haven’t been paying as close of attention.” Alex flipped a page in his text book. “But I’ll take your word. Are you worried about him?”

Furrowing his brow, Bobby frowned in thought.

“I’m not sure,” he said. “I mean, I always worry about him, you know, cuz of everything he deals with at home. But I don’t know...this is different.”

“Is it because of what Caleb said today?”

“I didn’t like that either, but no, that’s not it.”

He looked so serious that Alex couldn’t find it funny anymore. Actually, Bobby seemed so distressed by it that it was making Alex distressed.

“Hey,” he said with concern. “Why do you look so bummed about it?”

He received a glance as though a great weight sat upon Bobby’s shoulders. It was so familiar it shot him in the chest. His friend looked so lost and uncertain, so afraid to speak his mind. And Alex thought Reggie had been conflicted. It was a little worrying.

“I think you actually know what's going on, huh?” Bobby said in resignation.

Nope. Now it was just frustrating. Alex sat up and looked at Bobby directly.

“Okay, I know expressing yourself isn’t your strong suit, Bobby, but please say it out loud. You can do it. Especially with me.”

His friend’s eyebrows knit together even further, trying to convince himself to get it off his chest. A minute passed, and finally he shut his chemistry book, set it aside, and faced Alex.

“I have feelings for Reggie.”

Thank god.

“Good job! You’re officially the last to know!”

Bobby’s face fell into a confused expression.

“What?”

Alex merely shrugged. They were so helpless, but luckily he was better at trying to solve others’ problems than his own.

“I had to let you come to your own conclusion. It was exhausting; you took forever.”

Bobby folded his hands and fidgeted with his thumbs.

“How long have you noticed?”

“Technically? Since before playing at the Pearl. But that’s when it really started to be obvious.”

Smirking, Bobby just bowed and shook his head.

“You know,” he began. “When I was first getting to know you, I didn’t trust you. Luke and I were already so close, and he introduced me to you and Reggie and you two already were such good friends. For a while I couldn’t figure out when you were being sarcastic or serious and I didn’t want to admit I was too sensitive. Reggie helped me figure out the difference and I just sort of dropped anything I was upset about.”

Alex listened carefully, nodding at his words.

“And now you’ve started getting all personal because you know I’m the most trustworthy one here, right?” he half-teased.

Nodding, Bobby smiled a little.

“I guess this is the part where you tell me to get my crap together and tell Reggie?”

“Yep,” Alex said. “But go at your own pace. The last thing I want is you two making things even weirder than they already are by trying to discuss things when you’re not prepared. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great, but don’t forget the rest of the band in the process.”

“Oh, yeah,” Bobby pondered. “You have a point. Speaking of weird business, I’m still not cool about us pretending to go along with making the album while knowing what we do about Caleb.”

“Me neither, but I think Luke was right. We’re just being careful.”

“Since when is Sunset Curve careful, though? We would just set up and play wherever we could until we got chased off the property, and then we’d just find a new location the next night.”

“The difference is we were nobody fifteen year olds who didn’t have contracts signed. You said it yourself, we could risk losing the rights to our own music if we break things off.”

“We read the contracts, though, right?” Bobby insisted. “I made sure we did. I don’t remember anything that seemed too controlling in them.”

“Would we have known what to look for?” Alex responded.

Sighing heavily and flopping back into his chair, Bobby stared up into the ceiling. It felt like no good answer could be given. Alex was frustrated too, but he remembered what Tía Victoria had told him as well. He believed Willie, of course, especially since Victoria hadn’t actually seen or spoken to him. She hadn’t been able to get a sniff of Caleb’s true nature, and she was a professional investigator. If Caleb could fool her that easily, he’d tied their hands while they willingly held them out.

“Bobby,” Alex started. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking we should stop laying ourselves on the ground and letting him walk all over us. None of this ‘establish the brand’ B.S.”

Straightening his posture, Alex sat up and folded his hands. That was exactly what he wanted to do, too. Even if he didn’t know anything else about Caleb, the way he’d gone after Reggie had left a sour enough taste in his mouth. Before he could say anything else to Bobby, Luke stepped into the garage.

“Guys, I was thinking - ” he started.

“You wanna go after Caleb too?” Bobby said.

“Whoa, how did you know?” he sat back in surprise.

“Bobby and I were just talking about it,” Alex told him. Luke raised his eyebrows as he flopped onto the couch beside Alex.

“Were you guys mad when he singled out Reggie, too?”

“Yes!”

“Nobody shames Reggie like that!”

“Bobby, you should go cheer him up,” Luke suggested. “We all know you’re in love with him.”

“Oh my god!” Bobby cried, throwing his arms into the air in exasperation. Immediately he stood up and gathered all his books. “Just for that, I’m turning in you guys. Have a nice night, Alex. Luke, I hope it’s cold.” He stormed out of the garage and into his house while Luke and Alex simply laughed together.

“I, uh… I already gave him a speech about it,” Alex told Luke, smirking.

“Thank you!” Luke cried. “I know they tease me about being dense but at least I go for what I want! And so do you!”

Smiling at the acknowledgement of him and Willie, Alex slowly started packing up his homework. He could finish it tomorrow night.

“By the way, how was hanging out with Julie?” he asked.

Placing his arms behind his head, Luke got that dreamy far-off look on his face. The ‘Julie on the mind’ look. He smiled like he’d seen an angel and the angel had smiled back in kind.

“Oh, she’s awesome. She’s way better at roller skating than me. I wish there were two of me just so one of us could hold her hand while skating with her and the other could sit down and watch.”

Alex made a face at the odd visual, but he understood what Luke was talking about. He wondered what he and Willie looked like from an outside perspective. Did they look as happy as he felt? Did Willie bring out something in him that he’d never seen in the mirror? Or even something the rest of the guys didn’t know yet? That was something he really wanted to discuss with Willie now.

“I can’t wait until her mom gets out of the hospital,” Luke was saying. “I want to learn everything she can teach me. She told me she took two years just working on the production of an album for her band. Imagine what we could do with our songs if we had her in the studio instead of Caleb.”

“Wow,” Alex commented. “At this point, I really wish we were working with the Molinas. At least they seem to get us.”

Luke looked at him and Alex knew he’d heard all the underlying meaning in that sentence. All the guys had been accepted by Julie’s family in a way none of their own seemed capable of. Alex almost wished he hadn’t said it out loud because it only tempted him to forget about heading home.

“Maybe one day, we will, Alex,” Luke said, giving him an encouraging smile.

He chuckled as he shouldered his backpack and headed out the door.

“Yeah. That’d be sweet.”

[kaiparker-avengerssmut]

CURSED: CHAPTER ONE

"He was a boy, She was a girl"

Kai Parker x OC!Mack Grace

Series synopsis: "We're both cursed, in a way."

We all know the story of Kai Parker, but he once lived in a very different life. Do you ever wonder what that life looked like?

Chapter summary: Mack meets a new guy at school, Kai Parker

Warnings: swearing?

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Mackenzie pulled open the car door and climbed into the passenger seat, leaning over the middle console and planting a sweet kiss on Ben's lips. He smiled into the kiss and pulled away.

"Morning babe." He said happily.

"Morning." She smiled back.

Mack dropped her bag by her feet and sat back, pulling her seatbelt across her body and plugging it in. Ben revved the engine and began driving off in the direction of the school, arguably way to fast.

The whole way to school Ben hammered on about how annoying the freshmans would be and how he was so ready to be the quarterback this year. Mack nodded along and made sounds of agreement every now and then, but she really didn't care much for Ben's popular boy life. Mack was the quiet girl who got good grades and sat on her own at lunch. She only went to parties and attended football games so she would appear the 'perfect girlfriend' as Ben said.

As they pulled into the school parking lot, Ben turned to her and cupped her face, pulling her in for a long kiss that was only really to give everyone else a show. And that made her stomach drop. They got out the car and instantly she felt Ben's arm wrap around her waist, pulling her into his side tightly.

As they wandered through the halls everyone waved and said hi to Ben, completely ignoring Mack. Ben received the wanting stares of girls and some claps on the back from some of the guys on the football team. As they reached her locker Mack stopped and unlocked it, shoving her books inside and grabbing her sketch book.

"I still don't know why you even bother with those, you're not good enough to get a scholarship." Ben said bitterly, motioning to her sketch book. Mack furrowed her brows and slammed her locker shut, charging off to her first period class. She heard Ben call after her but ignored him, knowing it'd come back to bite her later.

The head splitting noise of the clock ticking filled her ears, the screeching of chair legs against the scratchy floor and the constant first-day-back chatter of her classmates slowly driving Mack insane. She'd been in the room for less than five minutes and she was already ready to self combust just to get out of this hell-hole. The graphite gilded across the page as she drew, sketching god knows what and doodling all over her sketch book pages. Someone coughed obnoxiously above her and Mack instantly looked up, coming face to face with a super hot boy she'd never seen before.

"Is this seat taken?" He spoke with a hint of cockiness, gesturing to the empty seat beside Mack. She shook her head and watched as he made his way round and pulled out the chair, dumping his bag next to the table leg and plopping down into his seat, leaning back and crossing his ankles. He looked over to Mack and her head snapped back down, her attention back on her sketches.

The teacher walked in and Mack quickly placed her textbook over her sketches, hiding them and pretending to pay attention. In actual fact, she already knew what the teacher was talking about, the droning sound of his voice like a white noise.

About half way through the lesson Mack felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked to where it came from only to see the boy from before studying her intently.

"So what's the deal with you? I don't think I've heard you mutter a single word since I've seen you." He asked, slightly confused. Mack shook her head and looked down at the desk before looking back up again, her sight instantly catching the boy's captivating blue-grey eyes.

"Who are you? I've never seen you before." She asked shyly, speaking more than she'd like to. The boy grinned widely before offering his hand for her to shake.

"Kai, Kai Parker. And I just moved here last weekend. My twin sister is also in our grade." Mack nodded and kept sketching, hoping he'd leave her alone now. But he didn't. "So how long have you lived here? What's your name?" He continued. Mack sighed.

"All my life, and I'm Mack Grace." She said almost too quietly. The sound of his voice made Mack rest her head in her hands and try to tune him out, but nothing worked.

"Mack? As in Mackenzie? That's an awful long name. Do you go by a nickname? Mack - no, too many people call you that, I bet it's what you tell everyone to call you. Oh, oh what about Kenzie? Actually, no. Too long. Ohhhh I know! I'll call you Kenz. There we go, short, sweet and catchy. Nice to meet you Kenz." Kai babbled on, not realising Mack had completely ignored him.

She'd just met the guy and she already hated him. Mack felt awful but he was just so annoying. Hot, but annoying. The rest of the lesson continued like that, Kai chatting incessantly in Mack's ear as she tried to get the work done so she could go back to her sketching and ignoring him.

"Those are soooo good." Kai basically whispered as he leant over Mack's shoulder with wide eyes, entranced as her pencil moved over the page. She snapped the book shut to stop him from looking and he turned away, muttering an offended, "O-kay." And whistling while rolling his eyes. He was staring at just the page she'd done that lesson, which was now almost completely covered in sketches of people in their class, from all the angles Mack could see them from her seat. She rolled her eyes and kept drawing, letting her long hair fall as a curtain to hide herself from him.

The sound of the bell was like music to her ears and Mack instantly stood, scooping her books into her arms and charging out the class and down the hall. With her eyes kept trained down, Mack didn't realise someone was in front of her until she collided with them. They both fell to the ground and Mack's sketches were littered all over the floor, pieces of loose paper floating down around them. She scrabbled to her knees and crawled around aimlessly, picking up the pages and stuffing them back into her book. She went to grab the last page but the other girl got there first, Mack's eyes drifting up to meet hers.

"S-Sorry." Mack said shyly, taking the page from the mystery girl and slowly standing up. The other girl joined her, giving Mack a warm smile.

"Don't worry about it, it was my fault. I'm Jo." She said reassuringly, offering her hand to Mack, who hesitantly took it before shaking.

"I'm Mack." Jo smiled at her and let Mack's hand go, stepping back slightly and speaking up again.

"Do you know where Mrs Price's class room is? I'm totally lost and totally new here." Jo admitted bashfully, looking at Mack with pleading eyes. Mack nodded and motioned for Jo to follow her before they both walked down the hall, side-by-side.

"You don't talk much." Jo observed - not in a rude way though - as they approached the door to the classroom. Mack nodded and opened the door, letting Jo walk in first. She thanked Mack before heading inside and picking two seats at the back for her and Mack.

"I was never really listened to, so I stopped talking." Mack said simply, sitting down and folding her arms over the desk. Jo nodded slowly and turned her attention to the front of the class, where Mrs Price was introducing herself to the class.

As the lesson went on Mack felt as if she could sleep, she hated American History. It was so dull and useless, not to mention Mack could probably correct Mrs Price in every 'fact' she told. Finally they were set some work and a sheet landed on her desk. Mack picked it up and examined it, just a boring old worksheet. Mack turned to Jo, hoping to find out more about her.

"So you said you were new?" Mack began. Jo made a noise of confirmation before elaborating.

"We only moved here last weekend, family of 10. I have a twin brother and a bunch of younger siblings." Mack nodded and furrowed her brows in thought.

"A twin?" She pushed.

"Yeah, he's a good brother but is extremely annoying." Jo chuckled. That's when it clicked.

"By any chance is your twin Kai?" Mack asked, suddenly realising the resemblance between the two. Jo nodded and wrote something down.

"You've met him?" Jo said while writing.

"Yeah, I sat next to him in first period. Does he ever shut up?" Mack said with a laugh at the memory of Kai chatting in her ear for the whole hour. Jo laughed too.

"Sometimes. If he's eating or-" Jo cut herself off quickly before she said too much. Mack tilted her head to the side in confusion.

"Or what?" She asked.

"Oh, um, or if he's listening to m-music." Jo answered quickly. Mack nodded uncertainly and begun her worksheet too.

Mack slowly wandered out to the car park from her last period lesson, really not wanting to spend the whole ride with Ben, but knowing she had no other way home. She walked up to Ben's car and saw him leaning against the car door, arms folded over his chest.

"Hey babe." He smirked, pulling her into a kiss. Ugh, Mack hated the name 'babe' but decided to say nothing. She smiled and said hi back quietly before opening her car door and plopping down on the seat, leaving her bag on the floor at her feet. She began humming a tune, tapping her nails lightly against the armrest as she did so. Mack looked over at Ben as she felt him sit down, shutting his door with a thud and putting the keys in the ignition. She turned her attention to her window, watching as couples walked by holding hands and friends gossiped about their first day back after winter break.

"Please stop humming, it's almost as bad as listening to you talk about fucking art scholarships." Ben snapped, huffing frustratedly and pulling out the parking space. Mack stopped and frowned, looking out the window again and ignoring whatever shitty music he put on.

Her mind drifted as they drove home, thinking about her day. Meeting Jo might've been the best thing to happen to her, seeing as she was a potential best friend. Mack and Jo really clicked, they just kind of understood each other. After their second period had ended, Mack had asked Jo to sit with her at lunch and she agreed.

The other person she thought about was Kai. God, Kai. She new he was annoying, a typical grade-A asshole and extremely attractive. She knew she should stay away, and that she shouldn't think about a guy as attractive as him when she had a boyfriend, but she didn't care. He was probably the most talkative person she'd ever met and also the most annoying, but Mack felt drawn to him, strangely.

"Mack, Mack!" Ben repeated, waving his hand in front of her face. Mack snapped out her thoughts and looked over at Ben, who didn't look too happy. "We're here." Is all he said, gesturing to Mack's small house behind him. She fake smiled and thanked him for the ride, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips before grabbing her bag and getting out the car.

"Hey Dad." Mack Shouted as she walked through the door, dropping her bag on a chair and walking into the small kitchen and reaching for a glass from the cupboard. She filled it with water and gulped it all down, setting the glass down on the counter before sitting at the small dining table and opening her bag.

"Hey Wolfy." Mack's Dad smiled, ruffling her hair as he walked past. "How was school?" He asked.

"Good I guess, I think I made a new friend." Mack said happily, pulling out her textbooks and starting her math homework.

"Good good." Her dad said, sitting down on the plush old armchair that was fading from age. He picked up his book and put on his glasses, opening it up and peering over the top at Mack. "Your sister has the night shift tonight and I'm meeting Tony for a meeting about the company at eight, so you have the house to yourself tonight." He said before redirecting his eyes to his book.

Mack's dad helped run a company with his best friend Tony, but it wasn't very big. They struggled with money so her sister wasn't in college, so she already worked at a local business and often took on an extra night shifts to help with money. Mack worked a weekend job, but spent lots of her time on her school work and drawing. She was insanely smart, getting straight A's in every subject with almost no effort, but she'd never get a scholarship off of that alone. The only thing she had a shot at was an art scholarship, otherwise she wouldn't get to go to college at all.

Mack looked up at the sound of the phone and so did her dad, but before she could answer it he got there first. He listened for a moment before holding out the phone for Mack to take.

"It's Ben." He said before walking off.

"Hey are you doing anything tonight?" Ben asked. Mack chewed her lip, contemplating her answer before deciding he'd be able to tell if she lied.

"No, Kim is taking the night shift and my dad is going out at eight." She said, still not sure if she should've just said she was busy.

"Perfect. I'll come over for eight thirty?" Ben said.

Mack gulped. This would be the first time she was home alone with Ben and for some reason the thought scared her rather than excited her.

"See you at eight thirty."

[morningcool]

Hurts - Faith (review) ‘From V to D’ 1 month later

We’ve got a new religion - Faith. 

Just look at the cover. 

Don’t say you don’t get any of the songs. 

‘Cause here they are, looking straight into your eyes.

Hello everybody, it’s been a while. Love being traditional so yes, I’m definitely going to say a few words about Faith. Seems like nowadays all Hurts fans' lives are on Telegram or Instagram but I kinda still like this little world here. As some of you might remember I do listen to their albums literally blindfolded and as always I’ve counted the waiting days - 1071. The longest and the most frightened waiting is over but the new one is on or not?

Oh, Gosh I’m literally shaking. I’ll definitely say my feelings about every song but a bit later.

As for now just let me say a few important things. This album is quite special for me. It killed me from the first listen. Every word of each and every song on it reflects my inner world. Like Adam said I always perceived music as a gateway into discovering my feelings, it’s a lingering journey of knowing myself. This album is not an escape, it's a story of facing yourself. It took me a while to talk about it, ‘cause after encontless listening I plunged into deep thoughts. Well, it seems like we are all originally from our childhood. And if we weren’t accepted and loved the way we needed here we are, adults with the eyes of a kid. We can be implemented in the profession but we still will be chasing wrong people in search of unconditional love. The truth is we won’t be loved by anybody until we’ll be in peace with ourselves, until we won’t feel the luck of anything. Remember Theo’s role in “A little something for your Birthday”? Lovely idea of a film, don’t you think so? So the only way to cope with all our wounds is discovering and understanding our true nature. Listening and dealing with emotions we all have instead of scrolling them. That’s it, sounds quite simple but it’s the hardest work ever. We used to run away from ourselves but the real growth is only in being who you are.

To be fair, looking back to when I began being a Hurts fan I never thought that one day we’ll be on the same page. But now I see that we were always there. From Happiness to Faith they did a soundtrack of my inner search. Search for acceptance of myself. They become one of my Voices who’s always there for me when I feel the most low. Ironically I’ve never been the one who’s listening to the songs they like until getting sick of it. Hurts’ songs are pouring in me and then living in me like a part of my body or something. I’m living them.

Do you remember Ben’s filming during Desire tour? I witnessed a few interviews myself. It was quite interesting. But the thing is he never asked why do all these people do what they do? I can only say for myself. I’m spreading Hurts ideas, way of thinking, music at least not last because of a gratitude for everything they made me go through. I found myself in helping people to learn them. To understand what’s going on around the music they do. Because Hurts music you know has always been so much more than music. I kinda feel like a Hurts’ voice. Through this years I can’t tell you how many interviews I’ve translated, I personally heard and read them all. And it might be one of the reasons why I’m still here, writing this review. Knowing that my translations have been read by thousands of people and if only one person out of them gets what Hurts really meant is making me the happiest person ever.

The last year for me personally has been the hardest one. I think that for those one who’ll be reading my opinion on the songs it’s important to know that one of the reasons above thousands others for such a rating mark is because my heart was broken for the first time in ten years. I’ve let myself fall in love but it just didn’t work. I might be fractured or crucified but here I am the way I am. And it is ok. 

Uh, it’s been a hard few paragraphs. Coming back to the review. I feel like I should start with the promo stuff. I was watching it with interest but got no power to join. Maybe it’s because being a part of a Hurts path for 11 years in a row on a daily basis (if only I was 10 years younger *winking), maybe ‘cause of some personal struggling. When you’re becoming older you don’t need the preparation for the dark album you’ve already living like this. To be fair, I tried a few puzzles in the start, spending 8 or 10 hours on them and buried the idea ‘cause felt like a hero from the “Lost in Translation”.

Listeners will always be arguing about new music. Eternal discussion about being a true fan and loving and accepting all songs equally or being picky and liking only a few will always appear with every new era. For me love is only true if you’ve got an open heart and your mind is free of expectations.

But I’m here to talk about music, so that’s it.

“Voices” – a contrast shower. When guys released promo, with the lyrics, I was in a deep mess, bursting into tears, with those two videos only. I didn’t need any other interview about the album or something, I’ve read them all and the whole puzzle came into a place through the words of the song. Through the meaning of the lyrics. It’s bold, sincere, personal, intimate. That’s what Hurts music is about. Always. With the sound - it’s a step forward. Love the vocal part (it’s so disarming), what a broken drum line (my personal crush) and what about an anthemic plum? The song is so unexpected but it felt so right and once again thanks to the microwave. It saved so many souls. And again I know how sometimes those voices can abuse, pursue, bother. How for example they can reflect your parents' installations displaced your own voice. Equally I know how almost the same voices like Hurts songs can make you feel better. Can make you feel heard, adopted, dear how they can comfort you and sympathize. That’s what true music can do for us. Becoming that person from a Darkest Hour. Guys, thank you.

“Suffer” – a slap in the face. Looking in the mirror straight into your own eyes and confessing the addiction. Love how the detached vocal contrasting aggressive mood of the sound. It’s that stage of the relationship when you understand it’s inner reasons. When you face how curved your true nature is because of your addiction. And that can totally make you realise that you became a slave to your own emotions. Seeing this gave you the reins of government  back. You can still be in a relationship but for now they dissolve you with acid. And the more you’re being tactile touched the more lonely and fey you become. Don’t think I should mention how painful this experience might be. And I love how prickly the cofemashine part is sounding, how it’s cyclicality reflects the whirl of thoughts. The cards revealed. You realised that you’ve been hiding in a fake little world but you still want to be there because you don’t know how to act differently. Virus detected but the whole system is paralysed.

“Fractured” – an opened wound. Here we go, you still looking into your own eyes but now poison penetrates your insides. At that stage you start hating yourself. You’re your only foe now. You can’t cope with any tactile contact any more otherwise it might kill you. With the words “I might be everything that is wrong for you” rang out the unsightly truth that she is that viper warmed on the chest. But at that stage you reflect everything on yourself ‘cause it was you who chose her to be your lover. So in a way it’s fair enough. And that’s why you are a complete mess now. Confess, I squealed listening to it for the first time. And I’m still frozen with every whispered word and how harsh melody before the broken serene vocal line of an ending almost licks my neck a way straight up to my earlobe. ASMR isn’t it?

“Slave To Your Love” – the beginning. Here we go, that’s how the story of an abusive relationship started. You fall in love but it’s not the same for the object of your love. Maybe she’s not ready to admit to herself that you are not the one. Because of lots of different reasons it’s even not important you’ll never know them anyway. It’s quite often she doesn’t understand it herself. But the thing you can do is ask: Why am I doing this to myself? Why do I choose those who don’t see me? I mean you think you can’t do it while you are in love but that’s not true. Even being drowned by a wave of feelings we still keep hearing our inner voices. That admitting, warning us but we used to skip them through good or tough times being in love is not an exception. The reason for abuse is never in the person we choose, it's always in us. The sound in the chorus with the phrase “I’m a slave to love” feels like the ringing of bells of that little inner voice it’s calling for your attention. You’re a slave. And the music soundtracks it perfectly, you’re running and jumping from a cliff to nowhere. The final whirlpool of the melody is like a hurricane funnel that swallows you.

“All I Had To Give” – a confession. This is it. Can we skip this song, please? No, not this time. Now - is the time to face it. For me, this song might be the hardest to listen to ever. The same reaction I had listening to Unspoken. But this one says everything that was silent before. I can’t even try to imagine how it feels to share such sincerity with the song. Listening to it for the first time I petrified, lost the control of my emotions and bursted into tears. I had to stop listening to the album. It took me quite a while to decide to continue. I can still hardly restrain my emotions each time I dare to listen to it. I can try to express my sensible feelings while listening to it by drawing a film scene. Imagine an empty highway in the middle of the desert. You’re standing all alone and the silence that surrounds you and it’s almost tangible, peaceful isn’t it? But in a second without having time to blink you’ve been hit by a car and as soon as it appeared it disappeared with a sound like the bee buzzing or something. And here you are - a crippled lonely body lying on a highway in the middle of nowhere. Impressive isn’t it? Yes I’m in awe of what this song does to me. Yes, that’s how I open myself up - admitting that I never do. Am I suffering the consequences of it? Sometimes. Because I don’t like it but it's the wrong direction in relationship with yourself. Oh, the musical frame of this picture is something special. Isn’t it a true miracle that somebody knows exactly how to express your feelings with a song. And lucky Theo.

“Liar” – a thriller. What a brave expose, amazing. Such a vivid picture. Can you see those lying eyes? Oh, feeling being scanned. But I’m on the other side. I know that feeling of being deceived. The sound with the first Liar in the chorus made me terrified, indescribably incredible. Caught at the crime scene. As if this word set fire to the leaf and before the eyes of the observer it just became an ashes. And everything that was important and dared became rubish. Personal Hiroshima in one word. So simple and yet so heavy. Like all the weight of the world rushed onto your shoulders. Saying this one word made you a grain of sand. You don't seem to exist anymore. Everything depreciated. And I love the buzzing sound of the second verse. It's like a kaleidoscope of memories turning to dust. And the ending of the song - that final scream “Liar” it’s like a circle crying in your head when you’ve already left alone.

“Somebody” – an anger kick. Well, now the liar has a word to say. But thankfully you get the strength to close the door behind yourself instead of just realizing that you've been cheated. This is no longer a protest, but a riot. The time when arguments no longer exist. Your anger is a gunpowder and all previous behaviour was a flame path and now all your powder kegs are exploding inside forcing you to act. To shut her lying mouth up. It’s enough. This blast blows you away with its wave and the present becomes the past. You’re still in the heat of passion but to stay is not an option any more. The shackles fell down. Your words about somebody are more like a precept now. But also a prick to the deceiver, you admit the existence of someone else next to you. She’s no longer the one for you. And what a lovely dubstep sound in the final chorus. Those guitar riffs in the end are so sharp. I love the whole dynamic from the introduction through the verse to the chorus. An emotional storm from the beginning till the end. The whole song itself is like an interrupted inhalation on 0:38.

“Numb”  – a psychological coma. Have you ever been mentally paralysed the way deep so you can’t actually move? Oh, how clever the album is composed. Being myself stuck between “Somebody” and “Numb” nowadays I can’t even explain how I’m amazed by the story they told through Faith. 2:15 and what a scream I can only wish I could’ve cried it all out, thanks for the music that does it for me. How lovely starts the last chorus, beautiful vertigo, feels like a stranglehold on the neck limits the intake of air into the lungs. You escaped from prison, but you have not yet freed yourself in your mind. Inside you are still a prisoner, barely breathing. It's a terrible time of withdrawal symptoms for the past life ‘cause it’s the same way as a drug addict. Poker face inside out. The fish is lying on the floor and moving no more. Just reflexively swallows air. Everything around has become mechanical, you are a biorobot. And the marching rhythm of the whole song confirms this. you're just trying to keep running on autopilot.

“Redemption”  – a repentance. The reassessment of the values ​​of those who returned from the war. After all you’ve been through here you are accepting the consequences of your own choices. The only thing that’s left is hope. Hope that not all is lost and the ship, although with a hole, does not go to the bottom. After all, ships do not sink in water, they sink only when the water is inside them. Even standing on the bridge across the Severn, the biggest challenge is still to accept yourself with all your mistakes, regrets, wounds, scars and demons. You can’t change your past acts or inactions. The only person who's really judging you is you. And the only way to find peace is to forgive yourself for not listening to your own inner voices or listening to the wrong ones, imposed by society or any other external frameworks. Everything that happens with us is solely our will. Facing it all can be hard sometimes. Should we talk about music in the song? I don’t know how. The melody and the lyrics were made for each other despite the fact that they were written at different times and under the influence of different circumstances. And what an epic final part with strings and horns it made the song something more than a song as if personifying the fall of an angel from heaven. When the ground is slipping off under your feet as a boomerang of your actions returns to the sender by making a circle.

“White Horses” – a dizzying allegory or a black sheep. A real outstander of the album. Cinematique lyrics continue to roll the gallop of white horses along the edge of the sea wave. But looking at their developing manes and contracting muscles in the rays of the setting sun as if in slow motion, in my thoughts it’s not running horses at all. Is your breathing quickening too? Bet you flashing your own private moments. During the first time I listened to it, I really got dizzy. The song spun me off the reality. Never had such an experience myself so it’s hard for me to see Madeline. But I’m ok with it ‘cause from the outside it seems quite brave. I guess I sympathize with her. It might be a nightmare, in reality, exchanging real intimacy for stones. Isn’t it that poison that fills up the void? Anyway, I am in awe of the music that took me on the carousel of my beautiful but painful memories. I liked the wind that disheveled my hair during the trip. He is the only one besides music and water allowed to touch me.

“Darkest Hour” – a keystone. That what Hurts music has always been for me. That exact moment I heard the chorus for the first time I thought how much it means to me. It got me in an emotional mess. I cried. Bitterly. Hurts music is my beacon, and as long as I can experience moments like this I live. Feeling the fullness of life with every cell of my body and soul. That song gives me goosebumps and tears with each listening. Maybe, like the guys said, it’s a moment of hope but it feels like an escape for me. Might be for the first time in this album. We don’t look into our reflections, but we look into each other's eyes. And it’s the best feeling ever, even if it all happens in my mind only. It just doesn’t matter as long as I can feel it it’s real. It reminded me of a hug we shared with Theo after a pre-listening to the Desire three years ago. (read more here) That was so unexpected but yet so right and I feel like every first listening of a new album should end with a reciprocal embrace of the musicians in gratitude for everything that their music has brought into your life. Because with every sung word I feel like I’ve been warmed up and cuddled tighter and tighter. So in the end I can barely breathe. What an epic crescendo with a guitar solo in the end. The quintessence of Theos’ words embodied in music, raising you above all that is mortal. Thank you.

And now I ask especially sensitive natures not to read further. Because further I will write something that cannot be accepted by any heart that belongs to Hurts. 

"What if" has a strong meaning. Whatever you'll place after could change the whole mood or meaning. So I'm terrified, almost shaking but writing 'cause I'd never in ages could've said it out loud. What if... Taking a deep breath. What if Faith is the final Hurts album. Don't ask why and don't try to kill me. It's murdering enough to even think, not write.

If so, then Faith is a perfect illustration/description of how Hurts fan gonna feel himself when he'll know that this is the end. If so, then it's understandable why they tried to kill us with puzzles. They not only wanted to get us to the place where we'll feel sick and confused but wanted to show us how they have lived for the last few years. How does their profession make them feel. How easy you can come close to insanity. How they pushed themselves to the limit and what happened after. They're burned down. That's what they're telling us with the video for Redemption. And here they are on their knees, burning and at the last moment raising their hands into the skies and this is Faith by Hurts. That is it. In a prayer even the last moment they still physically want to have faith. They want to have hope, but it's burned and Faith is the only thing that's left. Do you see why the cover of Voices is torn? And all this confessions on Spotify. 

I feel so sorry and lost writing about it and I hope it’s just my own crazy stupid fantasies caused by the bad times on personal fronts. Maybe I should say a few words about myself so you might understand what's going inside me right now and why I decided to share this without you. I'm following Hurts advice to share, face the demons and try to get out of the place you're in. Well, let's talk a bit. I'm sure you feel confused too but let's go for an imaginary walk. Maybe together it's not that scary. And that is another reason why they created the Telegram Channel. Coincidences? Nah, I don’t think so. 

It's fashionable now to say: “I've been with Hurts all their path through.” But for me it's fair enough but not really. They'd hit me in 2010 with Bizz Session for The Sun covering Kylie. I was 22 and searched for a handsome man because I felt a lack of beauty around me. That was my crazy guilty pleasure, watching some commercials with male models. You might be laughing, but the description of the video said: "I could sell my soul to the devil for a man like him". I was intrigued and played it. I knew Kylie's song but the way Hurts did it was something special. Absolutely insane it still gives me goosebumps rewatching it. Never in ages I would ever believed that the video could change my life but it did. 

The first Moscow show took place in a 25 minutes walk from my house and I got there 8 hours before the start. Didn’t have a ticket ‘cause the show was sold out but I thought that I should be there anyway. Maybe I still got a chance to see them. I was standing surrounded by dozens of girls with drawings and photographs for autographs. I saw Paul and Richard taking pictures with the fans. I watched all this from the side. I had a CD in my bag, a collection of Russian music that I recorded for the guys specially. I didn't give it to Paul or Richard. I don't know why. Maybe I was dumbfounded by the agility of the surrounding girls, throwing themselves on the musicians' necks. In general, I stood at the club until the evening, when one guy came up to me offering to buy a ticket which I did and get inside. I was frozen to the bone by that time because outside there was no more than 8 degrees Celsius. I remember standing in the lobby and talking to the girls from the queue, I said that I regretted not giving the disc. And at that moment I saw Richard coming down the stairs to meet me. I called out to him, he burst into a wide smile, grabbed me into his bear hug and agreed to give my gift to the guys. It all seemed kinda crazy. I was twitching nervously at the entrance to the hall, choking on cigarette smoke. And when the doors finally opened, a frantic wave carried me inside. The minutes of waiting dragged on painfully long. The musicians followed each other and the moment Hurts finally came out, changed everything. ‘Unspoken’ opened the set list of the concert and the door into my heart. That was it, my story was told, like you know in Fugees’ song: 

“...I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style And so I came to see him, to listen for a while And there he was, this young boy, a stranger to my eyes Strumming my pain with his fingers Singing my life with his words Killing me softly with his song Killing me softly with his song Telling my whole life with his words Killing me softly with his song I felt all flushed with fever, embarrassed by the crowd I felt he'd found my letters and read each one out loud I prayed that he would finish, but he just kept right on…”

And from that exact moment I kept an eye on them. I wanted to be a part of the Hurts’ world ‘cause they in a strange and completely incomprehensible way to me were already a part of my own path. Since then my day to day life includes Hurts. News, interviews, photographs, posts, translations and everything imaginable and unimaginable stuff around. But not as an addiction that blinded me but as a conscious choice.The choice of a person who’s been understood, heard and accepted by two strangers. No matter how strange it may seem. Their music recognized me. This is my heartbeat. This is who I am.

And that is why my heart skipped a bit while I was watching the video for “All I Have To Give” and couldn’t move for two hours after. I literally sat in front of the monitor for two hours in a row in complete disbelief. How did it happen that they spent themselves so recklessly. Why did we let ourselves treat them in such a way that they burned out. Yes, you can say that we are not guilty. But I think that in addition to the choice that the guys made  themselves, there is also a share of our participation in this. This brings to mind the nasty things that Adam casually mentioned in his latest q&a on his Instagram live stream. I’m screaming Billie Eilish lyrics here:

“As long as I'm here No one can hurt you Don't wanna lie here But you can learn to If I could change The way that you see yourself You wouldn't wonder why you here They don't deserve you” 

Unfortunately, not all fans understand the consequences of their actions. But as long as I can't influence the actions of others I don’t wanna talk about it no matter how much it upsets me. Of course, you can argue with me and say that they knew what they were doing, choosing the life of an artist. And there is a grain of justice in this, as well as in the fact that when you compose music in the bedroom you have no idea what the consequences of popularity might be. Not all musicians write music about themselves, about their experiences, troubles and pain. Not everyone is ready to speak directly and openly about themselves, looking into the eyes of their listeners. Hurts music is always like that. This is her true nature. Even if the creators are eager to escape from themselves, the music reveals everything. Because these are not just new songs, this is a whole life. Life that is hidden at the fingertips of Theo and Adam while they write songs. They are not entertainers, they are two humans. Two personalities that have a chemistry to help each other to open up and be realized in music. A precious gift that they both carry in this world. Every time I think about it, I sink into awe.

That is what it’s all about. That is what it means to be a real musician. That's what it means to be human, accepted, understood and loved. Understanding and appreciating such a support, such a connection, we keep a grain of truth in our hearts. And I immensely value every new day I have lived, the day when there are two wonderful people in my life, Theo and Adam. Thank you for everything!

We do not know what the future holds for us, we do not know what will happen in a minute. But knowing that somewhere there are two people you don't know but who are able to feel the same as you, it gives life a taste. If you need time to recover, find new yourself, embrace the life you have chosen or embark on new adventures, you can manage your time as you see fit. Just know that your magical ability to write music is a gift you seem to have come into this world to share. And your listeners don't take your albums for granted. Each time - these are moments of absolute inexplicable and all-embracing happiness and joy, both for you and for myself, that I've managed to hear, share and experience a true miracle. And can tell the world about it, as I just did. Thank you!

I don’t think any of you got here. Don’t think you’ve read it all but if you did thank you for your time I really appreciate your attention. I hope some of my words resonated in your soul. 

I’ve got  my own odd tradition to say personal Hurts oath after a new release. Now I can repeat it for the fourth time: ‘To be your faithful fan in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to respect you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and inspire you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you from this day forward until the day when your sixth album will be released. Hutcherson.’

P.S.:

If you’re still alive and want to, you can also read my Exile, Surrender  and Desire reviews, they are much shorter (giggling).

[jungshookz]

I would love a uni!yoongi & y/n drabble💓💜

🌿pairing; min yoongi x reader

🌿genre; uni!yoongi, university!au, fluffy fluffy fluff!!!!!!! uni!yoongi owns my heart and my whole ASS 

🌿wordcount; 2.8k 

🌿what to expect; “and another fun fact! the mistletoe plant actually contains toxic amines, and eating its berries can cause vomiting and stomach pain.”

🌿note; outraGEOUS that a mistletoe emoji has yet to exist!!!! unfortunately i wasn’t able to do a 12 drabbles of christmas this year due to finals but i hope this drabble makes up for it :-) if i’m a little rusty it’s only because this is the first drabble i’ve written in a while,..,,. hopefully i’ll have another drabble up before christmas!!! happy reading :^) 

                                       »»————-　✼　————-««

if yoongi had a dollar for every time he wanted to scream at you for being denser than a block of tofu he would most definitely be a billionaire

he’s had this thought time and time again but he really doesn’t understand how someone so smart can be so dumb at the same time

he could be holding up a flashing neon sign pointing to him that said ‘i 100% like you and am giving you the green light to ask me out so all you have to do is ask!’ and you would still be like .,.,.y’all hear sumn?

anyways he doesn’t have time to think about when you’re finally going to make a move because it’s that time of the semester ladies and gents

yep

it’s finals season

now, traditionally, the way yoongi handles finals season is that he kind of just goes with the flow

as in he goes to the library and studies for two hours and decides that that’s enough time and dedication he’s putting into a particular class so he pretty much deserves the rest of the day off

and this technique has worked ever since his first year in uni so he’s stuck with it ever since

as long as he doesn’t flunk out of anything he’s fine!!!

but since getting to know you yoongi has adopted new techniques into his studying routine that doesn’t just include skimming over poorly taken notes from class for 5 minutes and then scrolling through instagram for 45 minutes and then taking a 2 hour nap

no no

now he has highlighted notes

now he has insanely detailed google docs

now he has flash cards

and not just flash cards

colour coordinated flash cards

crazy, isn’t it???

this is probably your guys’ fifth study session together and yoongi doesn’t want to toot his own horn or anything but he thinks he’s going to absolutely nail this chemistry final

he can tell anyone about the main types of chemical reactions without blinking

that’s how confident he is about his knowledge

and he knoWs it’s all because of you which most certainly doesn’t help him suppress his attraction towards you

how can he noT be attracted to the person who’s bumping up his GPA??

but yes

yoongi is confident and he feels like he doesn’t need to go over what synthesis reactions are for the tenth time in a row

(also he forget a stack of flash cards at home that u reminded him three times to bring with him today to which he responded with ‘i’m NOT going to forget them just relax’ and he’s hoping u forgot about them because you don’t play around when it comes to flash cards)

he wants this study session to be a little more lax

a little more chill

a little less conversation and a little more ACTION (but not in,.,. not in a pervy way or anything)

yoongi decided to bring a little special something just to make things a little more interesting aND to celebrate the holidays!!

he’s being festive!!

he even taped strips of jingle bells to the edges of his skateboard :-)

“okay, hydrogen bonds.” you flip your notebook onto its front before whipping around and letting out a breath “hydrogen forms hydrogen bonds with three elements. hydrogen is fun. hydrogen is fOn. hydrogen forms hydrogen bonds with fluorine, oxygen, and nitrogen.”

…yeah that sounds right

you turn back around and flip over your notebook before quickly searching for your notes

aH

yes!!!! you got it!!!! hydrogen is FON!!!! hyDRoGEN iS FON!!!!!

“up top, y/l/n!” you grin widely before giving yourself a high five

niCE

“just when i thought you couldn’t get any weirder.” you jump three feet into the air when you hear yoongi speak up and you let out a breath before placing a hand on your chest

“yoongi!” you clear your throat and lean back against the table a little bit

you’re just going to play it off as if you didn’t just tell yourself to give yourself a high five

“what, uh, what took you so long?”

yoongi raises a brow before checking the time on his phone “i’m three minutes early.”

you turn back a little to look at the time on your laptop

huh

would you look at that

yoongi is early

and of course you’re here before scheduled because of who you are as a person

“…well, what are you doing just standing there? let’s get to work!!” you clap your hands together before looking at yoongi expectantly and gesturing for him to take a seat

“just so that you’re aware, i’m pretty sure i know more about the different types of chemical reactions than you.”

you raise a brow before crossing your arms

that is certainly a vEry bold statement because you could talk about the different types of chemical reaction for hours and hours on end

“oh, really?” you scoff playfully as you turn to wipe down the whiteboard

you’ve been tutoring yoongi for the past couple of weeks without expecting anything in return

honestly it’s just fun to ramble on and on about something that you’re confident about aNd it’s fun to see the panic in his eyes when you ask him a question about what you just talked about

and!!!! teaching someone else about the thing that you have to review yourself is actually a pretty effective studying strategy

you tried the practice test the other night and you got 98% so it’s safe to say you’re going to make this final exam your biTCH-

“yep.” yoongi sighs and leans back against his chair “in fact, i bet you that i’ll get every single one of your questions right this session.”

“what happens if you don’t?”

“if i get even one question wrong, i will… play one of your dumb studying games.”

your eyes widen in excitement

“charades for chemists??” (an exciting upgrade from the original version of charades)

((u have to try to act out a reaction))  

((it’s a lot more exciting than it sounds))

“but if i get every single one of your questions right, you’ll have to play one of my games.”

“…what kind of game?”

“you’ll just have to find out, won’t you?” yoongi smiles sweetly “it’s nothing like your dumb charades game, i can tell you that.”

you narrow your eyes suspiciously and yoongi shrugs

there’s no way he’d be able to get all of your questions right

obviously it’d be great if he got all of them right because that means these tutoring sessions are actually working but then again it’s yoongi

yoongi who uses pipettes to squeeze tiny spurts of air in your face just because ‘it’s fun!!’

yoongi who has the balls to juggle glass beakers in the middle of a lab in front of the professor

it’s yoongi

of course the idiotic things he does in class doesn’t exactly correlate to his intelligence

he actually did pretty well on the last lab report

“you have three seconds to decide if you wanna do this or not otherwise the offer’s off the table.” yoongi waves a hand in front of your face and you straighten up a little before sticking your hand out for him to shake

“alright, min yoongi. game on.”

the corner of yoongi’s mouth twitches in a devilish smile

honey, you’ve got a big storm coming.

you flip your notebook open to the page where you have a bunch of practice questions written down and you skim the list

alright

you’ll throw yoongi a bone

“we’ll start off easy. what’s the difference between exothermic and endothermic reaction-“

“endothermic takes in energy - for example, ice melting - and exothermic gives off heat - for example, lighting a match.” yoongi answers without blinking

…

o

okay

that answer was word for word what you have written down in your notes

you should probably reconsider the whole throwing a bone thing

if anything u should probably take a couple bones away from yoongi

your competitive streak immediately kicks in once you realise the score board is 1-0 and you’re on the 0 end

“what does synthesis gas consist of?” you raise a brow

“before i answer that - you forgot to add a tally under my name.” yoongi points to the whiteboard and you kiss your teeth before whipping around and begrudgingly drawing a tally on the scoreboard “good girl.”

(you’ll never admit to him that hearing him call you that made your stomach do a little flip)

“answer the question.”

“synthesis gas is a fuel gas mixture consisting of hydrogen, carbon monoxide, and carbon dioxide. it intermediates in creating synthetic natural gas and for producing ammonia or methanol.”

.,,.,.and that’s 2-0 to yoongi

what in the hELL is going on

u know what

it’s fine!

it’s fine

maybe he’s just having a lucky day

all he has to do is screw up once

“-due to the conjugation double bond character in alkyl halide.” the fact that yoongi’s inspecting his nails as he answers your final question is oddly vERy irritating

you can’t believe it

yoongi got all 10 of your veRy tricky questions right

you should be proud because it’s because of you that he knows that he’s talking about but at the same time you didn’t think you were doing thAt great of a job at teaching him!!!!

but you’re looking at the scoreboard and it’s 10-0

there are 0 tallies under your name!!! ZERO!!! under youR NAME!!!

and now you have to play yOOngi’s dumb game instead of charades for chemists

if anything it’s his loss

“i told you you have to close your eyes to play my game.” yoongi reaches over to shut your notebook after he catches you glancing at it (to make sure he actually got the answers right and you didn’t misread anything) for the fifth time in two minutes

you have to accept defeat whether you like it or not

you let out a sigh before crossing your arms and shutting your eyes “what are the rules of this game? how does one win?”

“i’m going to show you something-“ you hear yoongi unzip his backpack “and you have to identify what it is and tell me what its purpose is within 30 seconds.”

huh

sounds easy enough

“so i win just by doing that?” your brows furrow and you resist the urge to open your eyes

“i guess you could say that.” you hear yoongi’s footsteps against the carpet and you freeze when you feel him standing right in front of you

“alright, open your eyes.” you immediately open them and-

“so, tell me, y/n-” yoongi lets out a sigh before glancing up at the mistletoe that he’s holding up in between the two of you “what do we have here?”

you swallow thickly and keep your eyes glued on the mistletoe

u know what that is

and u know what its purpose is

you could easily win this game right here and now so u don’t know what’s stopping you

you can feel yoongi staring at you and you know that if you make eye contact with him right now you will definitely combuST into flames

“that’s, um, well, i’m not a, uh, i’m not a botanist or anything, but that is a… that’s mistletoe.” you clear your throat “that is… mistletoe.”

“uh-huh. and, remind me again - isn’t mistletoe particularly special this time of the year?” yoongi hums and takes a step closer to you

you jump a little when you feel the bottom of the whiteboard dig into the small of your back

the little metal tray holding the whiteboard markers clatters a marker plops to the ground but you’ll deal with that later

because now it’s time to do what you do best

D E F L E C T

“mistletoe are actually hemiparasitic plants in which they kinda just suck water and nutrients from their host tress. did you know that?”

yoongi resists the urge to roll his eyes

he knows exactly what you’re doing (out of nervous habit) but for your sake he’ll play along

“oh yeah?”

“yep. and another fun fact! the mistletoe plant actually contains toxic amines, and eating its berries can cause vomiting and stomach pain.”

“…didn’t you say you weren’t a botanist-”  

“-but if we’re talking about its relevance to the christmas holidays, then… well, traditionally, people, um, people… kiss underneath them.” you finish quietly and your eyes instinctively flicker down to yoongi’s pouty lips

“i like you a lot, y/n.” yoongi breathes out and you feel your heart hiccup

your cheeks flush and you feel the heat rushing up to your ears

o god

a couple seconds of silence goes by and you wonder if yoongi can hear your heart pounding in your chest

“if you don’t feel the same way, i-“

“i like you too.” you murmur shyly and yoongi lets out what sounds like a breath of relief

before he gets the chance to roAST you for taking so long to finally admit it to him, you’re pushing your lips against his in a gentle kiss with your hand pressed against his cheek

it takes yoongi a second to register that you initiated a kiss with him but once his brain catches up to his body, he starts kissing you back

a smile tugs at his mouth when you take a step closer to him and he automatically loops an arm around your waist before carelessly tossing the mistletoe aside

yoongi tilts his head as he deepens the kiss and the quiet ‘fuck’ he lets out when you nip at his bottom lip almost immediately makes you lightheaded

it’s when you’re reminded that literally anyone passing by the room would be able to see you through the glass door that you drag yourself away (reluctantly) and yoongi unintentionally lets out a whine

“so did i win?” your cheeks are still rosy and your heart is still racing but you’re trying to play it off as if you’re totally cool about kissing yoongi and that you’re totally cool about the mutual attraction between the two of you but that fact that you’re kinda bouncing on the balls of your feet like an excited child is probably not helping your case

and yoongi’s smiling so widely his cheeks are starting to hurt but it’s totally worth it

:-) !!!!

“you won but i’m still marking you down for killing the mood by talking about vomiting and stomach pain.”

help me help you make your wishes come tru (aka send me a request)

drabble tag

[beanenigma]

Tips for people who like to write by hand

So you’re an old timey writer who enjoys the feeling of paper as you breathe life into a story? Or, like me, you can’t use your phone at school and just wants to get some writing done while math class bores the others? 

Well, me too and I’ve come to your aid! I’ve done some pretty stupid things that costed me hours and hours of searching for lost scenes and struggling to find ideas I knew I’d written down so you don’t have to! 

Find the right notebook for you

By experience, notebooks take a long time to be filled. In good nanowrimo times, I take from 6 to 8 months to finish one. So you’ll be stuck with this guy for a long time. Make sure to pick one that you like and is right for your needs. I, for example, prefer spiral notebooks. You can rip out pages if you need to (if you mess it up, if someone asks you for one, if you just need a page to write down a grocery list or something, etc) and you can put a pen on the spiral. I also like having a pocket to put pieces of ideas I have. 

Some spooky stories about having the wrong notebook: 

I got stuck with a brochure old planner for two years. My mom didn’t use it in the year it was meant for, so I thought oh, it’s free real estate. As it turns out, it had really small space between the lines, so the pages would take forever to fill, it had all those day and hour numbers and the paper was really thin. It was terrible and it made writing terrible. It would have been a thousand times better if I just spent a few bucks on a regular notebook. 

More recently, I started using just the kind of notebook I like, a spiral notebook with a pocket. But I bought it a couple of years ago at a fandom event I attended and the cover was a personalized Divergent cover. At the time, I thought if was pretty cool and everyone would know the reference. But now it has aged so very poorly. The cover has blood all over it and it says “Faction Before Blood”. So now I’m scared to pull it out to write at uni and people will think I’m in a gang or something. 

Number your pages

I know, it sounds like a lot of work. But you can get a notebook with pages already numbered, number it yourself or do it like I do and number it every 10 pages (just because it’s easier). If you don’t feel like doing all of this repetitive work,  date your writing. It’s cool to see how much you progressed, how long you have been writing this project, when you had this idea, etc. One thing doesn’t have to exclude the other, but both methods serve the same purpose. 

And this purpose is to help you get an idea of how much you write (and feel good about your progress) and to help you organize yourself on all you’ve been writing. Which takes us to the next tip. 

Make the first page an index

Not only it will take the pressure off the first page, it will also help you so you don’t keep losing the awesome stuff you’re writing and forgetting it exists. Everytime you start a new scene or change projects, go to the index and write down the page or the date you started this new section. Since I number every ten pages, I find the first page with a number on it and start counting forward or back to the new page. But you can do it in any way that suits you. 

Make a random idea page 

It doesn’t have to be the second page (it usually isn’t for me), but it’s good to have one. Sometimes, in the middle of writing, you have that great idea for something you need to change on what you’ve already got, or you got a completely new insight. It’s good to have your idea page somewhere close you can just flip to, write it down and get right back to writing. And don’t go easy on that page! Write it diagonally, vertically, draw on it, anything. It’s just there to take out those ideas so you can take a look at it another time and not mess the flow you’re in right now. 

Keep your enemies close. And your pen even closer!

You know your favorite bic friend? It has a secret weapon just for you to use. That little flap of the cap? Use it to keep your pen always close. I normally put it on the spiral of my notebook. But if you have a brochure, you can put it on the cover. Sometimes it damages it a bit, but it’s a good trade for having it always ready for action. If you use moleskine, I saw that they normally have designated pen places. If they don’t, I have a tip for it just under this one! 

Take your time to find which kind of pen is your weapon of choice. Personally, I think nothing beats a black ballpoint pen. I know some people like fineliners for writing, but they make the other side of the paper all gross looking and I like to keep it clean. Plus, I write really small and fineliners often bleed in my handwriting. I took my time searching for my favorite brand and I settled on Molin ballpoint pens. 

I would recommend buying your favorite pens in bulk. Nothing is worse than pen hunting around when you have an urgent idea. I bought 50 pens for super cheap and I stack them EVERYWHERE. In all my bags, in my sketchbooks, in my bullet journal, in my writing notebook, in my drawers, anywhere I think it will be easy to find one when I need it ( also giving some to my friends who keep stealing my pens).

Crafting the perfect notebook

You don’t have to be a crafter to modify your notebook to better suit you! Find a ribbon anywhere in the house. Cut it to be a little longer than the book. Tape that bad boy to the inside of the back cover and everytime you stop writing, put that ribbon on the page you stopped. This helps you not to get lost in your previous writing and get right back to business when you resume.

Also, if you really like that moleskine vibe but don’t have the cash, just get a regular clothing elastic, make cut it just the size of the notebook and glue both ends to the inner part of the back cover. There you go! Now you can close it (and keep it closed).  

If you like post-its, you can take half of the block (or however many sheets you cant put in there and still close the notebook comfortably) and glue it to the inside part of the cover of your notebook so it will always be conveniently available for you.

If your notebook doesn’t have a place to put your pen on and you really don’t want to mess up the cover, you  take a small elastic (smaller than the pen) and tape (or preferably glue it) it to the back part of the notebook with both ends inside. There! Ready for the trip! Speaking of which...

Always carry your notebook with you

You never know when inspiration is going to strike. In class. At the bank. In a mall. Whenever you have a little time, you can write something. Or just take a look at what you’ve done and feel good about it. 

Not in the mood for writing? Edit. Reread what you’ve done and start finding what you want to change once you type it in.  When doing this, don’t be scared to cross out entire sentences and rewriting them on top. If it starts getting too messy, go to a blank page and rewrite the scene and you think it should have been done the first time. It seems counter-intuitive in a copy+paste kind of age, but I assure you it is worth it.

Typing your work

This is one of the biggest reasons I love writing in pen and paper. When you type, your first round of editing is done! 

Don’t zone out when typing. As I said, typing is your first round of editing. It is important to keep aware of all of the things you might have done wrong when writing. Some people say writing it on paper and then typing it is a waste of time. I say it saves time and lives. 

Keep it loose!

Just because you are writing in an actual physical book, it doesn’t mean you are writing a actual physical book. This is still your notebook and these are still your notes. So don’t be afraid to get messy. Write things out of order (seriously, it’s okay to not go chronological. i know it’s hard). Outline. Sketch. Tip-ex the whole thing. Get post-its on it. Take notes. Make genealogical trees. Draw maps. 

If you’re feeling down or uninspired, try very basic writing exercises: write what you see, what you feel, something to try and make you laugh or something to make someone cry. It’s your place to express yourself. And once you got those creative juices flowing, happy writing :)

I hope you enjoyed my tips and please, feel free to reblog this with your own tips and tricks. I’d love to hear them! And follow me for some more writing content!