#this was a lot of fun belle thanks for tagging me!!!! <3 <3 <3

[seiya-starsniper]

Music Tag Game

Tagged by the wonderful @bazzybelle, omg this looks like so much fun!!!

Rules: Put your playlist on shuffle. For each of the 10 interview questions, select a lyric from the random song that comes up. (Skip if there aren’t any lyrics and make sure to drop the name of the song in your interview answer!) <3

...and the first song was one of the openings to Bleach LOL. Since I am not fluent in Japanese, we're gonna skip that one...

First off, how would you describe yourself in one sentence? "It's such a rollercoaster // some killer queen you are." - Rollercoaster - Bleachers

What kind of [Aquarius] are you? "You're the only one who knows how to operate // My heavy machinery" - Don't Let The Light Go Out - Panic! At the Disco

You’re visiting your favourite spot. What are you thinking about? "But I believe the world is burning to the ground // Oh well, I guess we're gonna find out // Let's see how far we've come" - How Far We've Come - Matchbox Twenty

If your life was a movie, what do you think the first review would say about it? "It's me // Hi! // I'm the problem it's me." - Anti-Hero - Taylor Swift (why is this so perfect omfg)

Say you get a book deal. What are you titling the memoir? "Coldest with the kiss, so he calls me ice cream" - Ice Cream - BLACKPINK & Selena Gomez

What would you say about your best friends? "Shake, shake, shake, shake, a-shake it!" - Shake It - Metro Station (this is also perfect for reasons only my best friends understand)

Think back to when you had everything all figured out in highschool. What was your life motto as a teenager? "There's a story at the bottom of this bottle // And I'm the pen" - Dear Maria, Count Me In - All Time Low

Describe your aesthetic now "My Life // You electrify my life // Let's conspire to ignite // All the souls that would die just to feel alive" - Starlight - Muse

What’s a lyric that they’ll quote in your eulogy? "I don't want to forget how your voice sounds // These words are all I have so I write them" - Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy

And for our final question, say you believe in soulmates. What do you think their first impression of meeting you would be?

"Cheers to us and what we had // Let's keep dancing on the broken glass" - Broken Glass - Kygo (good lord that's depressing lmao)

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Tagging @lyriclorelei @gil212 @eobardthawneallen @melodiousramblings @keynoi @aquilathefighter @honeyteacakes @tj-dragonblade

[hwaightme]

Use me (part 2)

THIS IS 18+ ONLY MINORS DNI FOR LEO KING'S SAKE (nsfw tags under the cut)

(part 1) (masterlist) (perma-taglist)

🥂 pairing: non-idol!mingi x fem!reader (implied yun... x reader - i wonder who...) 🥂 genre: smut, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers-ish 🥂 summary: you try to forget and return to what you know best, but what is on a sober mind quickly turns into a drunk phone call and a life-changing confession. 🥂 wordcount: 22.5k 🥂 warnings/tags: language, alcohol/drinking, over-drinking/being drunk, toxic behaviour, risky behaviour, unhealthy coping, trauma, implied past abuse/assault, flashbacks, numbing, one night stands, learning to love, learning to feel, mingi driving through the night, implied psychologist!mingi as job, fools in love and lust 🥂 taglist: at the bottom of the fic~ 🥂 a/n: this has been long in the works, first as a haunting thought, then as what you may see here. i'd love to dedicate this fic to @byuntrash101 <3 thank you for your continued support, for our love and friendship <3 to everyone, i appreciate you all, any and all reblogs, notes, thoughts appreciated, much love!

🥂 nsfw tags: dom-leaning switch!reaader, sub-leaning switch!mingi, protected sex, thigh riding, fingering, handjob, blowjob, facial, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, implied squirting, dirty talk, pet names (darling, doll, gorgeous... others...), loving talk/pillow talk, mentioned aftercare and general gentleness, reader is sober atp, explicit asking for consent, wearing mingi's t-shirt, a lot of kissing because they are all over each other, a whole lot of doting, sex that is like a hug

"I love you..."

A slam of the door.

Where it all began.

You. Left in a loud solitude. Ceasing to stifle your sobs with your tee and letting out an animalistic cry. An innocent creature who trusted unconditionally, only to be shot at point blank and abandoned once the fun chase was over. There was no one out there except yourself to mourn your loss. Trapped in a dark room for what you believed to be the rest of your years.

Harsh reality collapsed on you under impossibly strong gravity, and trapped you with one brutal swipe. Your heart was being eaten away by your acidic mind that kept on replaying, replaying, replaying the moments that had led to your metamorphosis. A catharsis in reverse, an autonomous inflictor of agony festering in every crevice. 

It was funny how one's thoughts could be so lucid, come the worst. You could clearly recollect just how grateful you had been that your mother, as always, was out of town, and upon her return would be in oblivious bliss, and how ‘wonderful’ it was that there was nothing to look forward to for the next day. Or perhaps ever. You did not want to lift your hopes again and again only for them to descend faster than light to the pits of hell signed with your name. No need. There was enough time to prepare your space, invite and get to know your unrelenting demons before the alarms reminding you of basic social functioning would ring, and your body would be torn from your whirlpool of torment to enter the hustle and bustle of crowds. Not one person was aware of who they were walking with. Who they were walking past. Beauty was in the eye of the beholder, and you tore yours out in an effort to distort and move on.

The luxury of time before the ringing of the digital bells. You could cleanse yourself until your skin was no longer yours, until what remained of your willingness to perceive could spot the etchings of a body. You could cut out every part of you that served as a reminder. Subject each one to the savage ritual, until you were pure. The perfect angel once more, no longer decorated in shades of blue and maroon inside and out. You could remove each lobe, each cortex of your brain and douse it in the strongest agents, and to the rhythm of the rippling waters from the sink submerge them in the illusion of bliss.

And yet, you had not moved an inch, choosing to remain as a stranger in your own flesh.

You could fight back. You could rise above and spit the venom of the scorned and those isolated by societal hellfire, raise the flag and tell the story of those who could not. Be larger than yourself, a self-starting role model, redefine yourself as someone who used their past as motivation, as a foundation for unshakeable morals that would lead you to a humanity-changing greatness.

But what good was it when you stopped feeling? What happened? Who were you?

It was a wave that took you in, providing you the satisfaction of prolonged sensory suffocation, suspending you in senseless attitude, order, and disposition. The self-hating rebellion that had reared its head and manifested itself within you, turned you into something out of a nightmare. But you had never realised just how intricate and terrifying was the persona you had materialised within yourself. The cavities and taboos that had now become intricacies and embellishments of the scarred soul would have been repulsive to you before. To the one who existed before that damned day, hour, minute, second.

Numb. You were numb. Always numb. Cruising through your years, silencing any possibility of truly healing. Because no. You were not damaged - you would spit at anyone who dared to call you that. You were not hurt - no signs of weakness could be found on the surface, and this was how you were surviving. You were above it. Nothing happened. What were you talking about? Nothing. Nothing at all. That was what you kept repeating to yourself until the mantra turned into the truth. Truth be told, you were not sure what you were mourning anymore, except that if you did not, out of habit, it would hurt until you would be twisted limb by limb into submission. And the life you had chosen would begin again - new day, same mistakes.

In the process of your radical renaissance into a fatal night-time goddess, you did try to find love. Those had been the last cries of a helpless bird plummeting from the sky. But it all cycled back to the same old thing. Besides, if nobody around you knew what love was, how could you be expected to comprehend, let alone give it? You could not be bothered to believe that there were outliers, nor delve into the reasons why things like ‘friends’ ever stuck around. You lived, you breathed, and that was good enough. You wanted to purge yourself of love.

That was how the three little words, in that haunting sequence, came to be your personal poltergeist; a curse to summon a despicable demon that you vowed to never utter. Bloody Mary, Beetlejuice - sure. Just not those three words. They had lost their significance aside from being the root of your troubles and despair. The words did not mean a person would stay. The words were not a promise that you would not be hurt. The words were not a shield that you could hide behind. So instead, you took to sharpening knives, being a spiteful hedonist in search of the last laugh.

Little did you know, love was a creative sadistic monster, and had been by your side all this time. It chose to attack you during the most pleasurable high – one that you had crafted and followed in perfunctory resistance.

"I love you, Y/N..."

It was almost the same. Only this time, it was you shutting the door. Running from yourself.

Your getup appeared almost comical now, as you sat, doubled over on the sofa in Wooyoung’s and San’s apartment. What had been a stunning pair of pumps was now a miserable member of the abandoned shoe society, piled in a corner right by the entrance and masked by an ancient collection of plastic bags, courtesy of San’s resourcefulness. The black dress that was threatening to ride further and further up your thighs at any moment was nothing more than shame vehemently clinging onto your skin.

While you were combating the whirring tornado of short- and long-term memories with a bouncing leg and a zoned-out stare into the carpet, your friends remained equally silent, knowing better than to disturb. Over the years they had never asked why you did things the way you did. They merely learned the patterns and accepted you as you were – an action for which you could never repay them, so you simply hoped that, at least sometimes, you were doing the same if they needed it.

Your cryptic sequence was broken only when you felt a warm fabric being draped over your shoulders, making you instantly stiffen, alert. The rush of foreign sensations made you gasp as your eyes darted up, to be met by San’s, who was sitting across from you on a faux leather ottoman. You had no recollection of when he had moved it from its original position by the wall, between the TV stand and an indoor palm tree, and it made you strangely guilty. You really had a knack for not paying attention to those close to you.

When San noticed your unfocused gaze, he slowly raised both of his hands, palms up, inhaling at the same time, and then lowering them, along with an audible, level exhale. You chuckled, making him break into a small grin – you were coming back. Not quite ready to touch what appeared to be a jacket or cardigan that was now embracing you, you put your own hands between your thighs, feeling their miniscule tremors as the adrenaline high subsided.

“You’re literally shivering, Y/N. Do you want me to, uh, bring you a blanket? We have a nice wool throw; a gift from San’s… mom… so you know it’s going to be cosy.” Wooyoung cautiously explained to you in an uncharacteristically quiet voice. He was standing off to your right, arms crossed.

The last time you had heard him use such a soft tone was when you had come with him to visit a friend’s newborn – and even then, he had to have been reminded to ‘shut it or he would be on nappy changing duties for a week’. It made you want to scream, act out, anything to push away this coddling and belittling that was passed off as sympathy. Oh, how you despised when people seemed to walk on eggshells around you. There always existed a desire within you to prove to others that you never needed help, or at least would never ask for it explicitly. That was why, even now, during your rather turbulent departure from the first night in a while that you knew you would not forget no matter how much you might want to, you did not want to play it cool. You needed to.

“That’s because you guys appear to be saving on your electricity bills. I told you: an apartment with heated floors is a bad idea.” you attempted to keep your voice level, but it remained airy and weak, wholly ignoring your efforts. It was as if somehow, your body was physically worn from the marathons you ran in your mind.

“But it keeps my feet nice and toasty.” Wooyoung whined and wiggled his toes demonstratively

“Which is why you… ah nevermind. Cool apartment, either way. I knew you guys were secretly interior designers.”

The topic change helped you get more comfortable in your skin. You finally managed to find the energy and courage to grab onto the edges of the jacket, which had turned out to be Wooyoung’s beloved grey fleece zip up hoodie and pull it tighter around you. It wasn’t so hard to recognise the relief that had washed over your friends’ features as they saw you carry out the simple motion. It really was cold. Though you had no way to distinguish between the internal and external.

As you transitioned from reliving the past to inching through the present, step by step until you found yourself leaning against a kitchen counter with a mug of hot coffee cradled in your hands, your habitual mindset returned. The lines, turned stark and agonising after hearing those forbidden words had regained their hazy infusion, reinvigorating you with a pleasant buzz of numbness, reminiscent of the prickly sensation when muscles just began to wake up, albeit more lulling, something only a person who was alive in the soul was capable of experiencing. It was not long until your friends’ suggestions and extensive monologues began to fall flat on your ears, drifting through your body and expelling themselves to never be remembered. You watched their lips move, their hands paint pictures of a future for you in the air, and yet it all turned to darkness. You swiftly turned the lights off to their reprimands, their comfort, just like you had done before. It was clear that they did not expect much from you either, otherwise why would they sound so well-practised? A sense of deja vu washed over you; as if you had been in the same place before, with the same heavy weight in your chest, cradling the same mug and drinking the same beverage. Were you ever going to change? 

Wouldn't it be funny if you knew how to follow advice? Technically you did. For an entire two weeks thanks to Wooyoung and San forcing you into a movie night with them on the Friday in the middle of the madness - you do not remember a single one of the movies watched, all of them having turned into a blur, and you: a jittery mess. You needed your weekly diversion, your sensual fix that you had ingrained into your routine as if it was yoga or pilates. Tom-ay-to, tom-ah-to. Your version was just a lot more exciting than the average physical exertion in the name of wellbeing. So as you had sat between your two friends, with San having his hand lazily thrown over your shoulders, serving as your head rest, and Wooyoung having made your lap into his pillow, you envisioned a different comfort for yourself. All this cosiness was making you choke, suffocating you as an anaconda would at an astonishingly fast pace, and you could feel that another second more and you would prefer to call your closest friends - strangers. You needed out; at least one day of the week, like you three had done previously. You had tried to hint to San that maybe returning into the swing of things would let his heartbreak pass more quickly, but he only patted your head and gave you a melancholy smile. Though you had returned it, just to soften the blow and reassure him through his romantic solitude, behind your cheek was a bitten tongue, acting as the last straw between your molars and preventing you from making matters worse - at least for San and Wooyoung. You had nothing to say for yourself; actually, you never did. You were never one for self-descriptions or elaborations, preferring to show and not tell. Another reason why in this platonic silence, you were being driven into craving your favourite meal of depravity, where the only language spoken was that of action and seduction. If you were to succeed in moving on from the mistake that still lingered on your skin - kisses trailing the mazes of your body and ghosting over your lips, you needed to erase them by the same method. Time to take matters into your own hands, and that meant a new dress, a new pair of heels, a new club and a new accessory for one night.

You could not hear anyone nor anything. Most importantly, you could not hear your erratic heartbeat, nor the thoughts that were looming over you and speeding around your mind palace. No - if anything was going to take your breath away, it would be the lips of another stranger. Anything to erase the ones that were too laden with emotion, too laden with affection and infatuation for you. A toxic poison that had transferred right into your bloodstream and was beginning to eat you alive. You needed to escape, find a cure to this turmoil before you succumbed to the idea that anyone could care about you more than for a night. There was satisfaction in routine, in a fluorescent madness that was systematically established in your life as a way to let go, thereby gain control. You needed a hit, badly, and one so strong that the weekend would not exist for you, and Mingi's lingering touches would be fully wiped from your body. How dare he spill his darkest secrets to you, mixing nightmare with the ultimate fantasy? He was going to pay for thinking that he could control you in this way and spin threads out of your soul, not by confrontation, but by your sheer indifference. He was just a man, you had repeated to yourself like a mantra as you stepped into a club in a completely different part of town, looking ever so stunning in a deep burgundy dress; he had no influence over your actions and you owed him nothing, not even an explanation. Obviously, he was the one who had overstepped boundaries that he was supposed to sense were there, so why should you consider his melancholic eyes, the sunny smile that had set as soon as he would wake up to see you gone, the- 

No. No more Mingi. Only the beautiful stranger who was devouring you with his alluring orbs, looking past his friends and making you feel as though you were the sole being in that hall. This was the man who could help you forget, at least you hoped he would. Sauntering straight to the bar, you did not spare him as much as a glance when his figure drifted past you. You could sense more gazes following you, just how you always liked it, burning away those adoring caresses that made your skin crawl; you needed a sensory and sensual apocalypse, a purgatory for the damned, reducing your life back to that familiar sin that tasted so sweet and was a stone cold bitch in the morning. You were not some frail creature waiting for a proclamation of love for the sake of validation, nor were you a seeker of such types of closeness - if anyone, it was you who knew it was more fleeting than a good fuck. At least there was satisfaction and sport to gain from the later, and the heart remained caged and untouched. It was not hard to be animalistic, all you needed to do was to give up ruminating those classic "do they like me do they not", and slam the door to social niceties shut. There was no room for feelings when you needed to fly from the tormenting earth, for they were too heavy - a ballast that you needed to rid yourself of as soon as you could. The haze, you needed to give into the tipsy haze; one drink, another, and the world was beautiful. Stunning, even. The blur was an acute desire, accentuating sensuality and letting you transform into the killer queen of the night. 

In this wondrous dissociation, you could not care less about who you were nor who the people around you paraded themselves as. It was all a play-pretend, and may the most talented actors win. No one came to the club to fall in love, and if they did, they were sure to have their heart broken and stomped on, over and over, and over again. Finishing the last of your old fashioned - a drink which you had been introduced to by none other than your friend Wooyoung, you decided that it was time to let yourself go on the dance floor, only to be followed suit by the tall man whom you had subconsciously beckoned. Clearly, he was interested in the same exact thing, and took no time in approaching you, disregarding all other people, and laying a hand on your hip to lead you in a sultry, rhythmic dance further igniting your hope and anticipating desire. You chuckled to yourself as you felt that familiar buzz once more, and studied the way in which your temporary partner's muscles moved in an unbelievably enticing manner under his shirt - material for your lustful imagination. The heat from his body was addictive, and the adrenaline and dopamine-fuelled pace at which you moved to the intense beat left you even more determined than usual. You needed him. You needed this stranger, depended on him and trusted him more than any of your friends, and definitely more than a certain someone who thought he could be something more. As you took your so-called saviour by the collar and tugged so he would be only an inch away, you finally asked his name. His eyes revealed a flash of lasciviousness, just how you wanted, and he sent a shiver down your spine as he whispered back: 

"And with what purpose, sweetheart?" Chuckling airily, you pulled him even closer, until he smirked and wrapped his hands around your waist, more determined, more aggressive and expectant of a continuation in this dangerous game. 

"So that I know what I'll be screaming tonight." 

For a second, you felt him falter, breath hitching as he took in your words, causing fear to rise in your chest as a flash of the timid lovesick angel ran across your vision, and you could almost picture Mingi instead of the canvas for a good night who you were seducing. But this did not last nearly long enough for you to back down, and a line of kisses along the jawline, intimate yet loveless, purely carnal and revering your determination confirmed your selection. This man was on your wavelength, and this man was: 

"Bold of you to assume that you’ll be able to, sweetheart. I dare say it won’t be usef-." 

Use me.

The phrase flashed in your mind just as the attractive man closed the space between you, capturing your lips in a heated kiss. Without as much as a pause, he tilted your head slightly, giving himself a better angle to lightly nibble on your lower lip, sending a shudder down your back. Fingers digging into your skin as he swallowed another sigh - a fragment of your tainted soul for him to keep, he was the embodiment of addiction. The luminance from the neon hallucinations that surrounded you were decorating your and his skin in vibrant greens and purples. He was confident, self-assured, leading despite possessing the hints of an otherwise reserved man. Your thoughts involuntarily drifted to a certain bashful someone who had ended up with you at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and you - in the wrong mindset. Tonight, you wanted to be used. This much you deserved and required in order to purge yourself of this newfound tendency to reminisce and compare everything against Mingi. Who were you? The one you chose to entertain yourself with tonight had his teasing tongue against your lips, not exactly asking for access - demanding it, and it reeled you back into the whirlpool of a daze that came with the deafening drumming of desire, growing louder and louder until nothing else would exist.

His touch - you were caught ablaze as you let him guide your footing off the dance floor and into the dimming lights towards the edges of the club’s main hall. His torso pressed against you, strong arm hooked around your upper body as he kissed the side of your neck. One blink, another and your back was pressed against a cool wall in the corridor that ran around the establishment’s perimeter, rarely traversed, often used by the likes of you and evidently, him. You could not bear to open your eyes out of fear of finding someone you did not want to see - the intensity of your recollections growing stronger with every arousing movement. The same high that you normally would be building up towards was nowhere to be sensed while your nameless lover reached for your breast, cupping and kneading it with an open, salacious wanting. There was little left to the imagination, just as you had initially wanted, and yet something was missing from the series of events that the universe offered to you; the storyline that you had crafted was beginning to get dreary. Squinting down to force yourself into this darling’s passionate kisses, you still struggled to rid yourself of the monologues, the fears and most importantly, the terror-inducing phrase that had pierced through your heart and left shrapnel in every organ, turning into butterflies in your stomach and flowers in your lungs. It hurt to discover yourself in the same situation as before, always looking for something and someone better. Clearly, your stalling and rapid cooldown had not gone unnoticed as the man pulled away, hands back on your hips, one lifting to readjust your dress a little. What had been the glare of a predator was replaced with an almost friendly concern, and the danger which you had craved a mere few minutes ago evaporated, leaving behind an approachable gentleman, the swiftness of the change nearly giving you whiplash.

“Trying to forget someone?”

The question was jarring, somehow more jarring than how he was now presenting himself. With a glance to either side, he took you by the hand, leading you away from what was about to be your scene for a one night stand and back to the main hall. Stumbling over your feet you barely kept up with his pace, his taste, his scent still consuming you and rendering you to move and think slower, the combination with the ringing of alcohol in your bloodstream proving to be reckless, nearly deadly. As the thrum of a hip hop track reset the heart’s pace, jolting you awake and clambering for any kind of reassurance, your eyes met the tall beau’s gaze once again. He had smoothed the locks that you had ruffled, his slightly swollen lips, curled into a lopsided grin being the only sign of what had just unfolded. You could not help but raise an eyebrow, only now registering his question and deeming the gesture to be an appropriate response.

“I don’t exactly fuck emotional baggage, if you get what I mean.”

“Ouch, but fair.” breathless, you squeezed the answer out of your throat, unsteady.

“Glad we understand each other, uh…” he trailed off, attempting to recall the name you did not give. You tilted your head, trying to do the same for him, but failing to find an answer. Did it slip your mind? The recent past turned to centuries, accelerating into emptiness. 

“Hm?”

“Yeah. Just, glad we’re on the same page, I guess.” he cleared his throat, looking back at the vibrancy of dance and sensuality unfolding before you. The music changed once more - once again, another song about a body count and about substances that you would never mention in the daytime. At least not yet. Your head began to hurt, perhaps only a little more than your heart.

“Y/N.”

“Mm…ha. Nice to meet you. You can call me… Yun.” he deliberated for a while before giving you what you assumed to be either a nickname, or a parting gift of a syllable just for you. 

“Nice to meet you, Yun.”

Rubbing the back of his neck, it was clear that he was looking for the right words to let you down slowly and make a swift escape back to his own life, his own friends, his own respective path that was far from yours. Very likely, as it should be. With a sharp exhale, you smiled, making it your turn to induce perplexion. With every vice came sacrifice and risk, and this type was far too common. Be it from starting on the wrong foot or losing the rhythm and steam in the process, two people under the cover of night with nothing tying them together were bound to drift away, it was simply a matter of when. Evidently this was happening sooner rather than later for you and what you had been hoping would be a solution to your anguish. It had to have been your fault, you told yourself while an unreadable gleam settled on your features and you gave the man a single wave to suggest that he need not bother with excessive politeness - after all you had gotten to know each other well enough for that, at least in your books.

“Guess I am right then.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Your reaction.”

“Meet quote unquote emotional women often?”

“They seem to be my type.” you chuckled as he shifted his stance and took a step closer to you, only to turn his body to observe the dance floor while standing by your side. As friends would. An involuntary memory stabbed at your side one again as you mumbled back:

“Maybe you’re a magnet.”

“I don’t mind when they look so good,” with a look to the side, Yun regarded your pose - leaning against the wall, arms crossed, previous aims for allure forgotten as your eased into a more comfortable back and forth, the rush ebbing away to be replaced with an anxious dissatisfaction, “Alas, you are in too deep I fear.”

“Am not.” you hissed out, brows knitting together as you desperately clung onto the present, only to hear and see the same voice, the same words, the same man who you were so adamant to erase. With every sentence uttered by the man, Mingi became more prominent. A laughing stock to the self and to all others - you shook your head. What had gotten into you?

“I don’t like to be called other people’s names during sex, sorry, not my kink.”

The out of pocket line, completed by a realisation at his own choice of words coaxed a chuckle out of your otherwise progressively crumbling state. Even though you had tried to remain below your limit, the alcohol in your system was hitting you with an inexplicable force, the pounding of your chest travelling to your temples, getting stronger until you could barely focus on Y- was it Yun? Yang? Yeong? You needed something to dull this. Remove this. Cut it out of your system so that you did not have to think.

“Fair.” you forced out, the neutral smile remaining on the lips, lingering traces of a falsified passion becoming your new tint, a colour you liked to wear so often it could be your favourite.

“Have a good night, yeah? Sorry things couldn’t be more fun, darling.”

There it was, you could read it on his face. Embarrassment, pity, the hope to never encounter you again. The reason why you always left first, turned around and strode away into the darkness from whoever it was you were to pick for the night. Including the one man who had revealed his soul to you; his innermost thoughts. And just like an automaton, a faulty machine, you blended his heartfelt words with the filth made for a landfill of lies and dread. The back of the failed thrill, whose name was just out of reach, growing smaller and blending into the scenery was a slap across the face, even though you had told yourself time and time again that you had seen enough of the same to not be affected. It had to be the lights, you told yourself. Definitely the lights. And how they reminded you of Mingi, how his eyes reflected the hues as he stared into yours so tenderly, like he was seeing an angel. How he gently held you, your fragility becoming his eternity as he whispered the words that acted like the flutter of the butterfly’s wings that caused the storm. Logic was struggling to keep up with your rumination - this was a different club and a different man, nothing about this could ever amount to the night you had felt like a goddess. If anything, the abandonment was gnawing at your flesh like a foul, feral beast, exposing you more than your dresses ever could.

An airy laugh accompanied your amble towards the bar. You should have known  - after all, if you were told to not think of the pink elephant, you would only think of the pink elephant. Same with the ‘no Mingi’ rule. It was an endless cycle that you were trapped in, and as days stretched out into two weeks, the avoidance was becoming unbearable. Your hand moved on its own as you called the bartender over, mouth and throat working together, far removed from your mind as they ordered champagne. Why? What was there to celebrate? There was no way of knowing, but the bubbles were your closest friends tonight, and you wanted to forget what just happened and whatever was supposed to happen until Saturday were to roll around - tomorrow could be the day you took care of the dirty laundry.

It did not take long for the beverage to transform you, and in a matter of a quarter of an hour with two or so glasses down you were back on the dance floor. But the vigour, the style and the soaring supremacy were nowhere to be found. As you tried to find your place among the sweaty bodies, nudged around by sharp elbows and tugged away by grubby hands, the sensation of belonging was but a mirage. Slow, you wanted to be anywhere in this cesspool of limbs, move along with the rest of the masses and get lost in the action so you did not have to consider your own movements, giving yourself up to the inertia of a wild crowd. One push, another, you were crammed between one figure and another, another push and a snag at your hair and you were flinging yourself wildly to an illusion of freedom in a different section of the floor. A phone flying beside you, barely an inch away from your cheek, flicking your earring and momentarily blinding you with a flashlight that had been left on. What were they looking for, you wondered. Perhaps the same thing as you. As you spun your head around, the pounding getting louder once again, the shoving had become more aggressive and two rough hands landed on your waist, supported by a lewd greeting. Jolted awake from chaotic musings, you grabbed a fistful of someone’s shirt, screaming out until the bubbly was rendering your speech incomprehensible - someone had to help you. Commotion unclear, breathing unsteady, the hands, the legs the torsos and heads all morphed into one creature who you were battling in your last fit of rage. Another pull, earning a yelp, and you were encountered with a familiar face. Y, or was it A, or I? Something or other, his name was a mystery to you. Tall. Handsome - you thought. In the blur it was impossible to detect. You remembered that he tasted sweet. Or maybe not - the champagne had taken over your system, your miniature party for one. Pushing yourself off the man you stumbled towards what you remembered to be the emergency exit. At least you were careful enough to avoid dragging yourself out of a club in shame from the front entrance; you were not that inexperienced to allow yourself to do that. 

Cursing under your breath you put one hand on the black wall of the corridor that would lead you to your freedom. Passing by a place your instinct was telling you was significant, you paused, only to shake your head and step forwards. One, two, three, four - congratulations, you could count. The coolness of the metal on the door was a relief as you leaned over unceremoniously to press your forehead against it, not caring if someone were to see you. You sighed into the sensation as the metal absorbed some of the heated rush, a portion of clarity returning to you and reminding you of your initial mission. That was right, you needed to get out. And ‘needed out’ in general.

With one quick shove the door swung open, spitting you out onto the sidewalk of, much to your fortune, a less crowded street, occupied for the most part by equally inebriated party-goers, celebrating the miracle that was a Friday night - a time that was slowly turning into your nightmare. A cacophony of beats and melodies from one club, another, all accumulating in a sonorous hellscape to render your senses almost fully numb. Feeling the air in front of you, you swore you could touch every particle, tendrils of wind brushing past you like a busy stranger. While there were not that many people, some yelling, others laughing wholeheartedly from the belly to the heavens, others simply enjoying the drinks that they carried out from their venues of choice, they most certainly had enough of a presence to leave you pitifully shattered. All eyes, of all hues and intensities, rolling and glaring and focusing on you. Poring over your miserable form and minimising you into a vermin under observation, a bacterium trapped on a petri dish under a microscope. They knew, they had to know about what had happened - about everything. They could read you from one year to another and were ready to tear you apart. They knew that you were a slave to the escapism, knew that you were a creature of lascivious habit, knew that you were thoughtlessly hurting the people you loved-

Loved. Nausea caught up to you as the word crawled into the forefront of your dazed mind, settling like a viscous tar over every subject matter and memory, over consciousness itself. Though it was nearly impossible to finetune your movements, you managed to locate the pole of a streetlight without having to slam a swinging hand into it for guidance, and slide down onto the edge of the cold pavement. Narrowly avoiding a discarded bottle, caked with unrecognisable substance and pulp from the wet and tarnished label, you felt your weight press into the stone, hoping that you would dissolve into the painfully rigid material. Elbows on your legs and hands on your face, you desperately tried to wipe the word away - you did not mean it, did you? You never had to say it, why say it now? Your familiar monster reared its head, drinking every last droplet of your sobriety to combat what you had admitted. Who did you love? Two legs drifted past you, stopping for a second to let a voice call out to you before you waved them off. Click-clack, click-clack away and away, leaving you alone with your thoughts once again. Who did you love? The pounding of your heart was overwhelming you, and you could barely hear yourself over its chaotic drumming. Who did you love? While it was easy to imagine your closest friends, the same ones who had tried to protect you from yourself and who, undoubtedly, were now cursing your name and the ground you walked on, your brain decided that there was another, less welcome character that should join the scene. With a groan, you clenched your hands into white-knuckled fists and hit your temples, once, twice as though that would help in getting rid of the precious image.

This had to be happening because Mingi said it first. The reason why Mingi was the one to persistently sway you, haunt you even when you were purposefully trying to drown in yourself and others, had to be because he planted those words in your mind when you least expected it - forced them upon you, an unwelcome gift. This was how it always happened: drawn in by the attention, promised a future and wholehearted adoration, you gave your all, only for the one who dared to utter the words to step away, having fulfilled their needs. ‘I love you’ was an exchange token, and apparently, your local currency. Like a penny out of rotation, those words should not hold any meaning, but they did, and you hated yourself for it. You hated how easily they had rolled off Mingi’s tongue, hated how they replayed in your head more times than you could process, hated how they were the words you wanted to hear again. Out of all the words in every language, these were the ones that introduced pain to the world.

He needed to answer for himself, your mind decided. Your rationality would consider the consequences later. Now, you needed answers. To what questions? That, too, could be decided at a later time. Clumsy hands searching in your purse, roughly pushing aside a slim card wallet and keys to take out the device which was now illuminating your fatigued features, the glare of the screen making you squint, every number and letter barely legible due to an intense blur that dominated your vision. If only you could wipe it away - a hand reaching to rub at the eyes, not caring for the eyeshadow nor the mascara, more darkness, friction, light again. As you moved the phone closer and further away from you in an attempt to find a golden distance that would give you better focus, as if you were operating with a broken camera, the thumb kept on searching for the right number. Contact after contact names flew by, turning into one continuous line, with the surnames and nicknames twisting and turning like snakes, colliding trains in your brain until finally, you found him. Not in the contacts, but in the myriad of messages you had left on read - another pattern characteristic of yours. It was not that you wanted to leave people behind, but your hands never felt strong enough to respond, and your thoughts could never tie together a satisfactory response. So you stayed silent.

He had checked on you, apparently. Asked if you were okay. The first time was two weeks ago. Then ten days. Then, radio silence. Probably was mad at you. You could not blame him. There had been no explanation, nor any wish to contact from your end - while it was what you usually did to strangers, not catching their name beyond the bedroom, nor ever seeking them out after you used their bodies, Mingi had been a friend. Not anymore, at least that was certain. But still, habit could not cut it here. This was why you needed answers - why could he not act like everyone else and fall in line, into the clear cut moulds? Finger hovering over the call button, now burning into your skin, you could not stop yourself from shaking. Biting your lip, all hints of colour replaced by a rekindling fire, you took the step over the edge, repeating his name in your head like a mantra as the call connected, and you imagined his phone starting to ring, somewhere out there in the city. Suddenly, your thoughts could not be more lucid, and you could almost see how the device would be vibrating on his bedside table. Right, he had to be asleep by now, surely. Just as you were about to end the call, however, the screen changed, and the time began to climb from zero.

“Uh… it’s… midnight or something… Y/N?” his husky voice, husky, warmer than the summer sun answered you. You remained quiet, afraid of letting this moment go, “Y/N? Are you okay?” he was asking if you were okay-

“Where are you?” a new harshness snapped you out of your temporary stupor.

“I- uh… I- am…” you tried, but could not find the right answer, however much you tried.

“Are you at… a club?” The pause was nearly lethal. You focused on the rustling in the background - it seemed that you were right and he indeed was in bed. Not anymore. A sigh and a thump, more movement. He was disappointed, wasn’t he? But he was listening. He had to listen to you.

“Not… not anymore.”

“Did someone hurt you?” The question felt foreign, unexpected. You raised your head, hugging your knees to your body, a terrible frailness seeping to your very bones.

“N-no…”

“Where are you?”

You could not believe that you were talking to Mingi. After all this time he was still talking to you, answered your late night call and was asking how you were. An angel in human form, so precious, so cute. A giggle escaped you as you found a slightly less dirty spot on the concrete to lean back and rest your hand on. Feeling some tension in your back unwind, your muscles were given freedom to turn restless. You wanted to scream, but that was bound to make Mingi end the call, and you did not quite want to stop listening to that voice of his - your strange addiction. Eyes closing, you let him repeat the question again, accompanied by jingle that could only be his keys. 

“I…”

“Street? Sign? Anything? Y/N,” he paused, exhaling, “...talk to me.”

“About…?” you asked, not catching onto what he meant.

“About the damn location. I am coming to get you.”

“Wait… really?” you slurred, fighting the desire to pass out, weighed down by another wave of tiredness.

“Yes. You are drunk. It is the least I can do.”

“What’s the most?”

“Location, for fuck’s sake. Check the street name or something. Can you walk?” he shot back, louder than before, speaking right into the microphone, the last bits of sleep evaporating from his tone, leaving behind the deep vocal ocean that you wanted to drown in.

“Uh huh,” whether you were lying or not, you were about to find out. Clambering for the street light once again, you heaved yourself up, barely catching yourself before tumbling back down, unstable on your heels. Clearly, your heavy breathing was caught by the phone as you heard Mingi asking if you were okay, again, “...just peachy, darling.”

The pet name never sounded more natural and comforting than now, flying to and through Mingi like lightning. The silence over the line was a terrifying suspense, making you wonder about what you said. You could not find anything particularly wrong. Wasn’t this how people who cared about one another spoke? Blinking away the stars in your eyes that were ceaselessly twirling in flashes of white and black, you wobbled towards a rectangle on the corner of the small street, which had to be the sign that Mingi was asking for. Mumbling the words on the board, half to yourself, half to him, you commended the otherwise laughable victory of being able to pick out the characters and interpret them.

“Okay… not too terribly far. I’ll come pick you up. Do not wander. Did you hear me?”

“Mhm…”

“What did I say?”

“...uh something about wandering, right?” An exhale. More footsteps. 

“Stay where you are. Stay. Heard me?”

“Yes Mingi darling, I did.”

“Good I- yeah. Just. I’ll be right there.”

Beep. Silence. A car in the distance darting past. Laughter. A flicker of the streetlight. The breeze caressing your legs. People walked past as you hugged your form, aware that it would not do anything to help you. You were counting the threads, the pieces of cloth sewn together to form what you had considered armour with the tips of your fingers, every groove accentuated as you swayed in your solitude, convinced that what had just happened was a dream. It had to have been. Who would listen to you in this state? It had to be your mind playing tricks on you, feeding you more and more visions until you would snap under them.

Fine. You were going to call him tomorrow, yes, that was right. When you were feeling better, you would call Mingi, apologise. Maybe over a coffee - yes that was better. Did he drink coffee? Was he even in town? Questions climbed up the walls of your consciousness while you, frustrated with the way in which the straps of your high heels were digging into your skin, crouched to take the culprits of your physical pain off. One shoe, another, and you were freed from the localised dolor. Stillness transforming into an amble, you made it a mission to walk to the larger street. There, you could get a taxi - there were always many of them around night time in neighbourhoods like this, kind drivers with kind metres if you gave them a pretty enough smile. 

Stay where you are. I love you. Stay where you are. I love you. Stay where you are.

Who said that? You froze mid stride, losing balance onto to have your back hit the brick wall of the building to your side, just under the sign you had read out to - 

So it did happen after all. You had talked to Mingi. Moaning out in frustration, you slid down the rough structure and onto the ground beneath you, throwing an empty water bottle and a fast food wrapper away from you in anger. Unable to recall what you had said to him, you settled for piecing together his voice, hands emulating the linking of a jigsaw puzzle in front of you. Purse having long become a bracelet, and phone clenched in one of your hands as if it was permanently linked to your body, the only thing that existed was every phrase that he had uttered into your ear, like he was standing by you. So much for not thinking of Song Mingi. Way to go. What a treacherous night this was. Head feeling heavy, you began to give into the signs of oncoming slumber, nodding off, cheek approaching shoulder, earring brushing over bare skin.

Mingi was not one for breaking the law, but his accelerator most certainly was. Rushing past every traffic light as though each one was a checkpoint, he sped through the city’s sleepless streets, only the final destination being his priority. Heart pounding, he barely looked at the navigator on his phone as he slammed on the gas. Ridiculous. Radical. If he were to ever tell his friends about this, they would call him a fool. After two weeks of nothing, for him to jump at the first call - he was clearly making the same mistakes, every turn a wrong one. If scouting clubs for the next pleasure hit was your addiction, burning himself on your flames was his. In the icy silence his days had been serene, and he hated it. There was no expectation, nor any hope for him to cling to. In the morning after you had left, even though Mingi had anticipated this and promised himself that he would not be upset, his preference was clear: it was better to live in an illusion rather than face the fact of not being wanted, and never standing a chance. You had turned your attention to him when he had asked for you to use him - that was the place he should have known and stayed if he wished for you to ever look in his direction again. 

That was why when his phone lit up with your name, and a photo filled the screen, one that he had taken of you when you, him, Wooyoung and San had all gone to a nature reserve for a spontaneous weekend getaway which you probably did not remember but it was precious to him, he threw sleep out of the window. It was easy enough, considering his recent pre-sleep routine of rationalising the events of that night. His mind was already trained on you when he finally got you to speak. You were floating, not quite like yourself, but your feelings were clear - not a hint of malice towards him, dreamy, rendering him breathless.

Mingi blamed himself for not being persistent enough, instead choosing to take a step back and give you whatever space you wanted or needed. He had done that in university when you were still friends, he had done it right up until that night, it was nothing new. Let you forget him until you suddenly craved his company, or felt it necessary to invite him to whatever function you had scheduled. Running a hand through his hair, short and strawberry blonde, hints of pink across the strands giving way to darker roots, he tried to calm his nerves. It was torturous to picture you in a vulnerable state, on a night when you normally felt and looked invincible. But since you called him, it was his duty to ensure that this held true.

Only a couple of minutes later, Mingi found the required street and, upon making a turn he slowed down and halted beside a figure curled up by the side wall. He cursed himself for not being faster. Panic shot up his spine and across every limb. He made a beeline towards you, shutting the door to the driver’s seat particularly hard in his distress. Assuming the worst, Mingi was in front of you in the matter of seconds, crouching down to peer at your face, noticing the smudged mascara, lipstick traces trailing onto your skin, flushed cheeks, sickly, glazed over and half-lidded eyes. Scowling, he regarded you in your Friday night glory, wondering why you thought you deserved this self-treatment in the first place.

“Y/N.”

No response. You remained stationary, with only your head occasionally threatening to fall to the side, hair snagging on the rough, eroded bricks behind you. Carefully, Mingi reached out, balancing himself on his bent knees, and pushed back a lock that was obscuring your face, convincing himself that you looked better already. Heart aching, he tried calling out to you another time, and then another, naively hoping that you could ascend from your state in an instant. As he put his hands on your delicate shoulders, gingerly tilting you forwards and away from the freezing, disgusting wall, he bit back his logic and chose to listen to the senses that you had so easily manipulated. 

Was this really the same person who had him wrapped around her finger? Malleable, putty in his hands you sank into his hold as he wiggled back to try and get you to find your own footing. Rising into a standing position, he lifted you up, sighing in relief when, even if only automatically, you followed the movement. He wanted to be mad at you - his brain was yelling for him to leave, return to the comfort of his home, alone, and let you figure things out for yourself. That was easy - just forget about you and have no morals. Sure. You were in a dangerous situation. But did you not have any friends who could take care of you? Where were they? Head turning side to side as if that would give him an answer, Mingi checked his surroundings. Only a collection of strangers, some of whom were enjoying the free entertainment, at least until they felt his glare settling on them. Quick feet on the pavement, dissipating into the midnight darkness.

“Oh… oh…” you groaned, as though waking up from a restless slumber. In his surprise Mingi nearly slipped, only just managing to support you again by hooking his arms around your torso instead of under your arms.

“Y/N, you are like, drunk drunk.”

“Just a lit-tle tipsy… is all, Mingi darling,” you answered slowly, lifting a hand to pinch your thumb and index finger together to show just how sober you were apparently - if only the move was coordinated, then maybe at least it could have given a good laugh. 

The affectionate pet name was ringing in his head, and no matter how much, and with what strength he was trying to brush it off, the buzzing persisted. Clinging onto him, a vexatious beast, echoing the weeks that had gone by after he had so willingly given himself up to you. If he were to be honest with himself, he would not be able to forget you even if by some futuristic miracle, he would be able to reset his consciousness. You were his nightmare and his dream, a haze in which he was lost for as long as he was alive. Cursing himself over and over, he opened the rear door closest to the two of you, whispering his sequence of moves out loud, knowing full well that you were probably not observing, nor listening.

The only thing on your mind was the comfort that was Mingi himself. How he had pulled you closer, and your hands landed on his broad chest. Hands snaking under the varsity jacket he put over a cotton tee, you felt your fingers warming up, the toned, sculpted beauty underneath turning into an alluring stability. There was nothing stopping you from closing the space, was there? Squinting, you took in his face, gasping as he turned away from you, revealing his side profile. Glasses, perfectly perched on the bridge of his nose, ever so slightly parted lips, a determined scrutiny of whatever it was that was in front of him. You could almost taste it. Apparently, it was easy to forget prior losses when the one you had been searching for in other bodies appeared before you.

Certainly, it had to have been him at the club however long ago. It had to have been, you were only looking for him and got lost, right? Fully convinced that you were right, despite Mingi being dressed more for a late night walk along a river bank rather than for a night of clubbing and hedonistic debauchery, you mumbled, cowering while he was trying to turn you and get you to take a seat:

“I missed you… Mingi.”

Eyes still half closed, you tilted your head to look in the approximate direction of your saviour, or companion… friend? It could not be. There ceased to be any lines that you could cross, and you were, for the first time in a long time, okay with it. You did not need nor want the barriers, not when his perfume was your salvation, not when his strong hands were rubbing your upper arms, not when you watched him take off his jacket and wrap it around you in slow motion. It was warm. He was warm. But he was not responding. The quiet was deafening as he nudged your legs, motioning for you to hop further into the vehicle - so you were in a car, huh? A couple of thuds somewhere below you, and a pair of heels manifested themselves on the floor of the salon. Obliging, you fell back inside and saw the light shutting itself away from you. A click, and you were alone. Trapped. There was no Mingi. 

Wrapping your hands around the edges of the thick material, you pulled it tighter around you, emulating an embrace. Why were you left alone? Was this a prank? Was Mingi tricking you? Question after question, there were too many to answer in the midst of an oncoming headache, but you knew that you needed to leave this instant - Mingi was outside and he had to be waiting for you. After all, you needed to give him back his jacket. You were done running backwards. Just as you ran a hand over the door, looking for the right handle or button or whatever the car could possibly have, another door opened, revealing the same man, your same Mingi, still dressed in the same outfit as you had just seen, still in those glasses that suited him so well. 

Through the gap between the headrest and the main seat, you gleamed at him, reassured that you were no longer abandoned in the metal box. The corner of Mingi’s mouth twitched upwards, though the majority of his response was evidently suppressed. He had to be hiding something. He must be mad at you. This was because you had been gone for too long, and then reappeared drunk out of your mind - he had said so himself. His voice boomed in your ears, blooming into a deafening echo that muted the car’s engine. Only once the car started did the realisation hit you - you had no idea that he even drove. The last night you had been together, you had taken a taxi, and he was sitting right next to you - you could recall every touch on your skin, over your dress, his ragged, shallow breaths. You needed to sleep, this was a dream… a dream… it had to be a nightmare… you were planning on talking to Mingi tomorrow… you would call him as soon as you woke up from this discord…

Crawling through the metropolis, the car stormed farther and farther from the district which you had decided to mark as your place of shipwreck. It was not the same location as before, he noted, now having more of an opportunity to piece together what had unfolded. If he was any more cynical and any less in love with you, he would have made it a case to point out that probably you intentionally had selected a spot that was a considerable distance away from your usuals because hell or heaven forbid your friends would stop you. Mingi had no clue as to what occurred in the time you were non-existent in his daily life, but evidently it had taken a considerably negative toll. Passed out on the back seats, you were exhausted by the world in which you lived, the world which was mercilessly testing you and draining you for all you were worth.

Stopped at a lonely red light, the hue crept through the windshield, settling over the salon and the two lost souls contained within. Quickly taking out his phone to check the time - no longer needing it for navigation after having the route imprint itself in his memory, he pinched the bridge of his nose, careful not to let the glasses slip. It was almost one in the morning - the commotion and additional steps because of your inebriated state had accumulated, long leaving the last day of the so-called work week behind. Happy weekend - with a bitter aftertaste, he uttered the words under his breath, shoving the phone back in the pocket of his jeans and shifting to turn around to take a quick look at you. You were peaceful, your features fully relaxed. Your purse had turned into something of a pillow, and while your legs could not exactly rest comfortably on the seats, you appeared to be blissful how you were, nuzzled into his jacket. Drifting in his musings, studying your every detail Mingi almost did not notice the lights change, relying solely on instinct to switch gears and move forward. With one last glance, he continued his journey, realising that he was not sure where your home was. Driving you to your closest friends was not an option either, considering that you did not mention nor call them - and if you did not want to see them, he should not be the one to orchestrate a falling out. There was always time for drama, but he did not want to extend it for himself.

Making one final, decisive turn that would take him to his neighbourhood, Mingi gripped the steering wheel to curb an accumulating nervousness. It was a sudden pang, a memory lifting itself up from the chaos he had brushed under the carpet after you had spontaneously left. He had not been fully asleep, simply spent and trustful, but everything stopped him from following you. As if a spear had mounted him to the bed - he was nothing more than a feeble bug on display, rotting. There was nothing he could have done, he was sure, except maybe not saying what he had said. In retrospect it was easy to see that those three words had been the final shot in the torn up heart. So, for the better, he was not going to say them, and pretend he never did, if that was what was going to let you sleep better and recover. That night was long in the past, and should be treated as a spectre. As weeks would go by perhaps you could look at him again, and be genuine in your feelings towards him. And he would not have to put himself up for sacrifice to gain your attention. 

Soon enough, his apartment building was in sight, and the wheels rolled him closer and closer to his next dilemmas. Letting out a trembling breath, Mingi clicked a button on his keys once he approached the gates to the underground parking. You were as still as ever, consumed by your slumber. Coming to a halt at his designated spot, he killed the engine and fell into a heavy, suffocating silence. The noises that had crawled out from the club turned into wisps of risk and melancholia, clinging onto your otherwise gorgeous dress and filling the vehicle until that was all he could sense. Hands on the steering wheel, Mingi attempted to plan his next moves, thinking of the trip to the elevator, the ride up, and just how he could convince you to be lucid enough to help him in getting you cleaned up. Love and confusion aside, you were a person who needed help and support, and he was the one you had trusted in your last moments before losing sobriety.

It was a long trip. From you not quite being able to make it out of the car, to you nearly tumbling into the elevator and dragging Mingi down with you, the young man was sure that he had never had to be on such high alert ever in his life. Not even when he had to act in the role of a sleuth to figure out where your lectures had been back in university, and whether there was any way in which your paths could cross. It seemed that now he did not have to force fate’s hand quite as much. With one final stumble over the door frame that marked the entrance to his apartment, you were in, safe and secure from the outdoors, and Mingi could begin thinking more comfortably. Kicking off his own shoes, he ignored the feeling that arose when you intertwined your fingers with his as you waited. Rubbing sleep from your eyes, there was something endearing about you, pleasantly childish qualities protruding through the hardened exterior of an experienced seductress. Like there was still some vulnerability left, and Mingi was the only one to see it. Adjusting his glasses out of habit, or perhaps to mask his growing concern due to your spontaneously peppy disposition, he tugged on your arm, making you follow him past the living room and towards a breakfast bar that served as a divider to the kitchen. Stopping mid-stride, he turned and pointed for you to take a seat on the sofa.

You had vague recollections of the interior, but the lighting, which remained dim, prevented you from making out any details. After Mingi left your side, you curled your legs under your body and flopped onto the decorative pillows that occupied the right corner. Huddling as if it was your nest, you made yourself comfortable. Without him being right next to you, the sensation of being embraced remained. He was in every thread and every space; you could finally inhale and exhale tranquillity. Clinking of glasses and the sound of pouring piqued your inquisitiveness, albeit fuzzy in the half-consciousness, and you called out to Mingi’s approaching figure, a loopy grin plastered on your face.

“He-hey, let’s get the party started… is that champagne?”

“Oh, so that’s what’s got you… like this?” with the hand that was holding the full glass, Mingi gestured over your body.

“Like how? How am I now?”

“Like a bar after a football match.” he deadpanned, carefully taking a seat next to you and grabbing your hands. Upon ensuring the cup was secure in your grasp, he fell backwards to rest his head on the back of the couch, momentarily shutting his eyes. He was curious if you would be able to figure out that what you were about to drink was water.

“Huh? You’re mean…” mumbling to yourself, you lifted the beverage, taking a tentative sip. The cool liquid soothed you, eliminating the burning that occupied your mouth and throat for however long you had been in and out of the handmade turmoil. Greedily you took a gulp, another, until nearly all the water travelled to nourish your dehydrated, fatigued self. The cup, too, possessed a welcome coldness, refreshing, a change to the static that was rolling like thunder in your cranium. You could not resist the temptation to put the glass against your temple, sensing another wave of the dull ache returning to you.

“How much did you drink?”

“Interesting question. Just drank a whole glass,” you teased, aware that Mingi was likely after a different response, but you were all for omitting the truth as much as you could.

“I mean out there.”

“Where?”

“The club.”

“Oh… uh… a… a couple here and there.”

“Knowing you, that is like a whole bottle.”

“What can I say? I have a high tolerance.”

“If only you had a better tolerance for other shit,” his comment caught you off guard. Said to no one in particular, but staying suspended in the air, the phrase was less supportive than what you would have hoped for. He was definitely mad. The anxiety that had been resting on your shoulders like a foul beast stirred awake, digging its nails into your skin until the question you asked far too often slipped away from you, throwing you back into your antique patterns, ones you thought you had buried for good.

“Are you mad at me?” you sounded timid, and a hand instantly flew to your mouth, clumsily covering it. Mingi’s eyes shot open, him giving you a once over from his leaned back position. Sitting up, he raised an eyebrow.

“Say what now?”

“I… are you mad at me?”

“Wh-... why would I be?” he cleared his throat, curious as to what you had conjured and were proposing as an interpretation of his actions.

“I… well I… I am too much aren’t I… I am here, you are - wait what time is it? It should be so late, or early… ha, ha, I don’t even… wait so are you not mad at me? But I am just so all over the place and now I am… wait - what time? Is it? Are you supposed to be sleeping, oh my goodness yes you are I am intruding aren’t I, I should be home, wait how did you find me? Were you there with me? Was I doing anything weird oh why did I go tonight I was not supposed to go but no I had to go and forget you know I wanted to forget everything but you kept on coming back are you ma-”

“Y/N-”

You were speeding up, forgetting air, forgetting that you were safe. You imagined yourself to be in the middle of the ocean, clambering for anything to hold on to. But the more you struggled, the less you could see, and yet you could only continue speaking. Faster, faster, filling the emptiness with your every thought as if there was no space neither in your heart nor your mind to keep them close and safe. As if this was a bargaining token or a confession, and Mingi was the one to deliver a final judgement, or to pardon your every sin. You were afraid of what he could do, or maybe not do. The only thing that was vivid enough for you to grasp was the idea that you did not want him to go, and so you were desperately trying to catch every word you had uttered in your past that could possibly deter him. Oxygen was not an option when Mingi, your 'not quite a friend anymore', was on the line.

“Mad at me and I am not even sure why this is happening actually I know exactly why and I am sure this is a dream right now I mean you definitely hate me now maybe not before but surely now I did everything to make you hate me and I am just a mess I probably look the part I am sorry I am sorry I am so-”

“Y/N BREATHE.” with a raised voice, he cut you off. You had not noticed him lift himself off the sofa and move in front of you. He pushed the coffee table further back to give himself more space, and kneeled on one leg while prying the glass from your shaking hands. Though you had ceased to barrage him with sentences of raw dread, your breathing was still shallow, barely spaced out, lungs roaring for more, praying for relief.

Glass left on the table, Mingi’s hands clasped over yours, his gaze unwavering, searching. You could not read him. Everything you possibly wanted to say was bouncing around your skull in a painful flurry, inducing a lump that started to grow in your throat, accumulating mistakes and emotion. You did not deserve to face the man who was in front of you, but even when you tried to break away from his touch, he held on, shaking his head in disapproval.

“Breathe. Let’s count, shall we? Focus on my voice, okay?” Now, inhale, two, three, four-”

Switching approaches, Mingi distracted you. After a couple of rounds of counting, noting your darting glances he asked for you to point out three colours you could see. Three pieces of furniture. Slowing you down, gradually, grounding you until you were only the slightest bit unsteady. 

“I am sorry.” you mumbled, doubling over, forehead against his hands. In shock, Mingi did not retract them, instead staring at how your hair cascaded over your shoulders and down, down like a waterfall, glimmering softly in the night lights that crawled into the room through every window.

“For what?” barely a whisper, only a hint of curiosity in anticipation of hearing something less than pleasant. 

“For leaving,” he replayed the words in his head in utter disbelief. Never had he heard you apologise for disappearing, abandoning, making decisions that put you first. He had gotten used to it, considering it to be a trait that was normal to you, one that those close to you simply had to deal with. The two little words shed a new light, making him wonder just how you felt two weeks ago. You were not done, however, feeling the need to spill the secrets you had been holding, in the intimacy of night, of not having to look at him, “for going out and for thinking strangers could… could-”

“It’s okay… I-”

“How is it okay?” lifting your head, a portrait of misery was revealed. The makeup that had already travelled across to other parts of your face was now starting to etch streams down your cheeks, the tears being the only ones to confidently make their way. Mingi was at a loss, never having been able to predict that this night would end, or begin, like this.

“Well…”

“How? Please… I am… disgusting… Why do I always do this I-”

“Hey. Hey, listen to me,” hands on your cheeks, thumbs wiping away the rolling droplets, Mingi was reaching out for you, calling you back from the abyss into which you wished to fall, “first of all, no behaviour is quote unquote disgusting, you hear me?”

“Uh huh… but… but I hurt people- I… I hurt you…”

“Look, I know we have never had any deep one on ones before, but I know you are hurting. I think that answers quite a few things, doesn’t it?” trying his best to remain rational and calm, Mingi recalled phrases that he had been told many times, had said before, only now they held colossal meaning, weighed down by what had happened. 

“But why are you…”

“What I do is my choice, just like what you do is yours, yeah?”

“But I choose badly… like today at the club I-... I-” you tripped over your words, the recollection forcing you to shudder. Sensing the buildup, Mingi diverted your attention by holding your hands once more.

“So how can you choose better? I mean, let’s think about tomorrow. What were you thinking of doing? Take me through the day. Say, you wake up, you…” he gestured for you to continue after him.

“I… brush my teeth, fix my hair and clothes… make breakfast… call you," you stopped, staring into his dark eyes, shining with bittersweet tenderness. For the first time, he wanted to believe that you indeed were drunk.

“Call me?”

“...I was planning to…”

“Even if you found someone?” The comment stung, but was not unfounded. Mingi knew you far too well for you to deny that you would at least attempt to fill the weekly void.

“I only kissed him… I promise…”

“I,” tightening his jaw repeatedly, Mingi resisted the urge to snap, or to make any accusations. It was obvious to any fool that you had lived through enough without him adding fuel to the hellish fire, “like I said, your choice.”

“I don’t want to make it anymore.”

“Then make another. And keep trying until you find the one that’s right for you.” 

Dumbfounded, you could only look, and wonder if the man in front of you was real and was not figuring out ways to throw you out of his apartment. The idea could not be further from the truth. While he had to admit that the circumstances were not particularly romantic, nor was Mingi about to take every word and action as gospel, but this had to be the most candid he had ever seen you be, and the most open with him. Behind the gloss of a night fuelled by percentages, shots and bubbly, garnished with regretful actions and hopes for a restart, you were easy to read, your intentions and actions honest and benevolent. 

“I was going to call you,” you reiterated with conviction.

“Tomorrow,” Mingi responded, switching his positioning to sit down on the floor, one hand still holding onto you while the other flew to find purchase on the carpet, offering balance. His thumb traced patterns on your skin absent-mindedly while he waited for you to continue.

“Yeah.”

“And what were you going to do?” there was no way to know whether the answer he would hear was one he wanted to, or was ready to hear. Of course, he liked to believe he was used to you, but not to your new feelings.

Had it hurt when he realised that he had been discarded, just like he had anticipated? Of course. Had his closest friend given him an earful after finding him wholly zoned out during their scheduled mid-week lunch? Definitely - the words still stung him. But was Mingi in any way angry with you? He could not be even if he tried. You had stayed true to yourself, and he should be happy that you did. And yet, the hope he had been living with remained persistent, and your present actions were not helping him in getting over it.

“Apologise…” you leaned closer to him, drowsy, freed from inhibition. 

“And?” his voice dropped into a whisper as he could not bear to take his gaze off your and his hands.

The usual you, the alluring, domineering you who had one mission and one mission only on this night: to have a good time at any cost, was starting to resurface. You were grappling with your inner conscious, hoping to resurrect what you had previously labelled as confidence.

“Kiss you,” your act dropped quickly enough as you read the sadness in Mingi’s form, from the droop of the shoulders to the loosening of his hold on you, to the half-hearted joke that made you flush an embarrassing shade of pink. Awful, inducing the desire for the ground to disappear beneath you, but you could not stop.

“Through the phone?”

“No… on… like… a date?” shy, you proposed the idea to him.

“What’s with the questioning tone?” leaning back on both hands, Mingi regarded you. His black-rimmed glasses had slid down allowing him to look over the frame and into your soul, making you shiver. There was a seriousness in the gesture, a cold air of professionalism that you knew Mingi was capable of, but never experienced being directed at yourself. 

“I don’t know… I haven’t dated in a while I guess…” finding interest in the hem of your dress, you fiddled with the thick fabric.

“What’s got you so into it now?”

“My choice,” you echoed his words, earning an amused smirk. After a meek pause, you pushed out the inquiry, barely audible, “Would you kiss me back?”

“Depends on what you’re feeling when you kiss me.”

“But you said you loved me, didn’t you? Mingi?” you straightened yourself up, feigning nonchalance, pretending to not be hurt by the passivity that rested on Mingi’s face as he studied you. 

He wished he could make this easy and lead the conversation to a happy end, but that would only end in turmoil. Whatever you remembered, and whatever was so fresh in your mind could change in the blink of an eye, and later, in the morning, sober you could begin to despise yourself, and him in one go. The last thing he needed was for you to disappear from his life. So, it was better to restart. He bit his tongue for a couple of moments, swallowing every phrase that he had ceaselessly been repeating like mantras meant only for his walls to hear and hold no judgement towards, and selected denial, for your own benefit.

“...No such thing.”

“But I swear I-”

“I think it’s time to clean up and sleep, yeah?” he cut you off with searing neutrality. Rising from the floor, he flicked his hands for you to follow his actions. Though you had recovered enough to balance on your own, at least if you were to take everything slow, you were stuck in place, wanting to hear what you had been secretly longing for to spill from his lips.

“But, wait I-”

“Sleep time,” adamant to move past the painful hurdle, Mingi reiterated the implied command. Moving to grab your hand, he lifted you from the sofa, only to let go once you were on your feet. Taking the opportunity, you took small fistfuls of his t-shirt, pulling the stunning man towards you. If he could not speak the words, surely he would want to express them?

“Kiss me now?” The question sounded more like an offer. Like you were placing your attention for sale, thinking that this was enough to establish a connection.

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

Mingi wanted to collapse. Your eyes, the tremble in your voice, how you looked with his jacket still draped over your shoulders had him wrapped around your finger. He did want to kiss you, a little too much, if he were to be honest. And that was exactly why he backed away. If you had meant what you confessed, you would be able to say the same thing in the morning, and to his face. If you had been meaning to call him, you would be able to call out his name and be honest in wishing to see him, to be with him.

“I’ll kiss you when you’re fully sober, okay?” The negotiation seemed to work as you visibly relaxed and let him guide you to the bathroom, where he began to point out the makeup wipes, the towels, ignoring the fact that you had figured out the layout on your own some time ago and probably had some rough recollection.

“What a gentleman,” you uttered while roughly smudging your makeup with remover, not caring for the audience of one who was leaning against the doorframe to the bathroom, watching you to make sure that you did not hurt yourself nor ruin anything too badly.

“It’s the bare minimum.”

“I suppose… I… uh… shower? Yeah?”

“Oh yeah… wait I’ll bring you some clothes or something. Do you mind what?”

“Whatever you are okay with giving me, darling.”

Hissing to himself, Mingi adjusted his glasses and clutched the jacket you returned in his right hand. He ambled to his bedroom in search of something that would inevitably end up smelling like you and serve as another reminder of just how easily he could give himself up for this kind of closeness. If he were to let his eyelids fall like a protective blanket, he could pretend for a split second that this was how it had always been - domestic, sweet, uncomplicated. Head turned away, Mingi returned, only to see your clothes not so neatly strewn about on the heated tiles. His eyes moved on their own accord, to settle on your silhouette, moving slowly behind the shower curtain. Despising the fact that he knew your body and craved it like water or air, he left the t-shirt and sweatpants that he had picked out lying in a folded pile by the sink.

Mingi was restless, storming from bedroom to living room and back again, his instinctive decision-making finally catching up to him and crashing down on his consciousness with full force. He had acted rashly, listening only to his heart, and in every point along the turbulent path back home when he could have let go of what was inevitably going to be more pain for you and for him, he selfishly refused to. While moving a pillow and throw to the sofa, he was in awe of his own dedication, and how, for you, he could thoughtlessly abandon everything that his studies had attempted to instil in him over the years, from university to clinical practice.

With a tired hand he took off his glasses, giving the lenses a half-hearted wipe with the edge of his tee, more out of habit than out of need. According to the lazy clock on his wall, it was nearing two o’clock in the morning. He shuddered, and heat rushed to his face. What was he doing two weeks ago at this time? It was best to ignore that and start anew. You were just a friend who by some twist of fate he ended up getting to know a little too intimately. But if exes could become friends, surely you two could work out, even if in your drunk state you were exposing feelings that were potentially resonant with his - obviously far from platonic. Mingi shook his head, ultimately failing to banish his optimism. He needed coffee, anything to get his mind off things, maybe his work emails.

In the middle of his preparations, also known as remaining idle while the coffee machine worked its magic, you reappeared from the bathroom, freshened up, cheeks pink, and dressed in his clothes, which, he hated to say, looked too good on you. The t-shirt he had picked out, originally oversized even for him, perfectly draped over your curves; hinted at everything, revealed nothing. A couple of dark spots where water from your hair had dripped onto the soft cotton made the scene all the more homely, comfortable, and the only thing holding him back from sweeping you into an impossibly tight hug was the grey that befell your unlabelled relationship with him. Mingi was a man of logic, preferring to set things up onto metaphorical shelves, and in his work he was known to be a brilliant theorist, consulted on matters of analysis and diagnostics. The idea of a situationship, no strings attached and any other synonyms irked him, and the more he looked at you, and how you gazed at him so serenely, the more he wanted to put his foot down and ask you to decide. But if you had set your mind on tomorrow - or as the clocks were saying later today, he had to do what he did best - wait. It had been two weeks. What would a few more hours do except give you time to sober up and figure out what it was that you wanted from him and yourself?

“All better?” Who was he asking? Thankfully, you interpreted it as a question directed at you. 

“Much better… sorry I am so out of it. Probably saying shit.”

“Don’t worry. I am just glad you are safe.”

“Mingi,” his name on your lips, the sweetest poison for his heart, “...thank you darling, really. I… hm, just thinking about what could have happened…”

“No need to think. About that, I mean.”

“And what should I think about?” raising an eyebrow, you captured the accidental slip of his musings in your delicate hands, subjecting it to scrutiny.

“Sleep.”

“You said that before. Besides, coffee? Really?”

“For me. I sleep better with coffee.”

Sure.”

“You can uh… I moved my stuff so you can sleep in the bedroom.”

“What about-”

“I’ll be right here.”

“I mean… we… didn’t we…” you wanted to allude to the bed having been shared before.

“I am here. You are there. Cool?” With the last of the americano having dripped into his cup, Mingi raised the hot beverage to take a careful sip, wincing as the liquid nearly burned his mouth. At least it served as a good distraction, just as he wanted.

“Mm… sorry. ‘Night.”

Spinning on your heels, you made a beeline for the bedroom, not waiting for Mingi’s response. Rejection after rejection; you smiled to yourself as you regarded the white sheets, decorated with a silvery sheen from the lights outside, washed over by a warm glow of the reading lamp positioned on the bedside table farthest from you. Welcoming, kind. Like the man who was now drinking coffee at hell o’clock in the morning, all because of you. The man who gave you his own clothes without a second thought. The man who kept on giving to a person who kept on taking. As you collapsed onto the sheets, crawling underneath the covers with an unprecedented exhaustion, you fell into a dreamless slumber with the thoughts of yourself being like a certain character from a famous animated film that you had watched with your friends, only to rewatch it on your own that same night once you got home. A spirit with no face, only an insatiable appetite, a rage that could not be extinguished - always more, taking from everyone, taking everything. Cloaked in black, a creature of darkness, without a place in society and meant sink into its own misery. You were alone in this world, wishing for the skies to clear, praying you would find the strength to fight for it.

He could not sleep. With the coffee finished but not the slightest hint of drowsiness approaching, Mingi stretched to grab the laptop that had been lying on the coffee table, choosing to go over his work emails that had accumulated from the time he had logged off just a night ago. Chain mail, Friday newsletters, reminders, rescheduling, appointment bookings, cancellations, conferences, journal updates, editor reviews… so much noise that settled like ash on his eyes, amounting to what appeared to be nothing. Segments of an imaginary success that drained him of any desire to show up on Monday. After answering what he could, Mingi pinched the bridge of his nose, and lied down on the couch, balancing the laptop on his stomach. He had foregone the throw, finding it to be more of a hindrance to his constant movement. What was it that he had told quite a few of his patients? Sleep was essential for a sound mind? Comical. Perhaps it was time to consult someone for his own troubles. He was good enough at solving things for others, but unfortunately that did not seem to apply when the ‘others’ was himself. If only he could stop concentrating on your presence in the room right next to him, on whether you were sleeping soundly and if you needed anything.

It was a quiet rustling that had woken Mingi up from a quick nap that he had fallen into. After a moment of disorientation, he registered the sound as being your footsteps, inching around the sofa in the approximate direction of the kitchen.

“Escaping?” recoiling as though you had been struck, you halted. After having been buried under a cosy duvet, the apartment felt cold, and you could barely hold back the shiver that was threatening to run over you. 

“Water… sorry did I wake you up?”

“Nah, wasn’t sleeping anyways. Here let me get it for you.”

Without another word uttered, nor any glances which could plant seeds of doubt in your head about his intentions, Mingi was right there with you, leading you to your target and pouring a glass. You did not mind how he watched you handle the item, nor how he took it out of your grasp as soon as you were done. He was gentle, even though each move did appear to be pre-calculated and strictly bound by a larger, all-encompassing decision. You tried to reach out for him, and when he stepped away after noticing you in the peripherals, the point was proven. Mingi was seeking distance. Biting your lower lip, the echoes of an earlier anxiety bubbled, manifesting itself in your classic black and white thinking.

“I am a mess,” like a coin dropped in a well, the phrase bounced from every wall, right back to you.

“Break that down for me,” crossing his arms, Mingi turned around and leaned against the counter.

“Are you going therapy mode on me?” you tried to joke, but the words came across more as an accusation. You felt weak, exposed. The shiver escaped, goosebumps now decorating your flesh, causing what you interpreted as pity to flash in Mingi’s eyes.

“I’m assuming that is what you’re seeking now, no?”

“...no.”

“Okay.”

As if the conversation had never begun, Mingi returned to drying his hands, leaving you alone with an unpleasant sobriety. With the early morning returned fragments of memories - a highlight reel of things you probably should not have said, but now that you had to own up to and either confirm or keep running away from. Inhale, exhale, and the words poured by themselves.

“Can we… talk about something?”

“Something?”

“I think… I… you know how I… wait I did say I was planning to call you right?”

“Mhm,” Mingi turned back, regarding you with an unreadable expression.

“So I have said a lot of things,”

“Yeah, and, what do you want to say to me?”

“I’m… sorry.”

“You already said it.”

“I mean it.”

“I know. What else?”

“Help me.”

“With… what?”

“I am afraid.”

“Of?”

“How I feel.”

“And how is that?”

“Well…”

You paused, throat drying. Your body recoiled from what you had settled on admitting. But it had to happen, even if the result would be you never seeing Mingi again, because at least you would have done something to try and defeat yourself. After hearing the three little words, and having them repeat over and over again, the light in which you saw your own life and saw Mingi had shifted. He could not be that same happy, naive, angel-like friend from university who had somehow ended up in your company of misfits and comrades in melancholy to you anymore. For the first time, you wanted to place a significance on a relationship that was beyond one night in a stranger’s bed. 

“I am afraid… that I- I-”

“What you are about to say, did you weigh it up? Did you consider it? Evaluate it? Are you sure that what you are about to share, and will be unable to reverse, is done with a clear mind?”

“Yes.”

“And you want to say it to me.”

“Yes, Mingi.”

You reached for his hands, worry making you play with his slightly cold fingertips. Intertwined, swinging side to side the tiniest bit, like a swaying of a sleepy willow; either the beginning, or the end. Mingi took a deep breath, as though preparing himself to be brutally smited.

“Then, um, as you were saying?”

“I want to fall in love with you.”

A laugh involuntarily flew from his chest, like a slap across your face. When you tried to slide past him, however, his arm wrapped around your upper body, pulling you close.

“Want to? What does that mean?” With prior seriousness being replaced by a more playful tone, the calm evaded you, “hey, take your time, it’s fine. You are already doing really, really well.”

“May I hug you?”

“Sure, c’mere,” he was the sun in late summer, the rays lulling, soothing. A glistening gold palette illuminated by a well-paired cologne that you were already wearing after resting in his bed, a masterpiece that you wanted to sink into and never escape. The horrors of the night that never stopped repeating were crawling away into their putrid caverns, providing at least a temporary relief and returning you to the waking, beautiful world. Mingi was comfortable in the best sense of the description, a stability that you had never dared to dream of. You pressed your head against him, shutting yourself away from cacophonous intrusions that had been leading you every Friday.

“You said you loved me.”

“Don’t remember,” the vibrations across his torso as he spoke soothed some of the pain inflicted by his answer. You could not blame him. Perhaps you two were much more similar than you had initially thought.

“I like you.”

“I like you too.”

“A lot.”

“A lot.”

“Can you help me?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Some things you should face yourself, I can only point you in the right direction. I can see that this goes beyond anything that either of us could mention or explore right now, and I hate to say it but there is no magic cure or something. It takes time and effort,” Mingi wrapped his arms tighter, one hand starting to pat the back of your head absent-mindedly, focusing on the sensation of each strand against his palm, “but what I can do is be here. For you. And if you want to, for us. How does that sound?”

“Like it’s too good to be true. I don’t deserve you.”

“No one deserves anyone. We just fit together, and we will make things work. Step by step,” Mingi made it sound easy. You wanted to believe him.

“We?”

“You just said you want to fall in love with me, Y/N. We kind of… need to be together for that to happen, methinks.” 

“Good point.” you mumbled, snuggling closer, hiding your face.

“May I be honest for a second?”

“Mhm.”

“I am not saying it so that we say it together when you’re ready, cool?”

“Say what?”

“You know, the L word,” you looked up to see him wiggling his eyebrows dramatically, making you chuckle.

“Oh… thank you, Mingi. I appreciate it. Yeah. Makes sense.”

In the tranquillity of the early dawn, you were not alone. Not curled up on the floor, a stranger to yourself, but in the arms of someone who cared and his feelings remained unchanged through times you thought anyone could, and would abandon you. You could finally hear your own thoughts becoming clear and level. Nothing could be better than the hope for such a bright tomorrow.

“Hmm… I think I liked when you were calling me darling in every sentence,” with a flick of your wrist you lightly hit Mingi’s broad chest, without pulling away. 

“I did not-”

“Are you not sober, darling?” he made you pause your denials, a sunny smile on his face.

“Okay fine yes I did…”

“Care to say it again?” taken by surprise by the request, you were left open-mouthed, with a raised brow.

“Darling?”

“Music to my ears,” he answered while barely being able to stifle a yawn.

This was the closest Mingi could get to a fairy tale moment with you, and he could not be happier. A grin fought its way to the surface, until it practically hurt his cheeks, and he pressed you to his chest, just so that you would not see it. But it did not take someone to be especially hyper-observant to sense his glee, capable of melting the snow in the harshest winter. Perhaps it was foolish of him to admit this, but nothing felt more right. How your body melded into his, perfectly unified. How your heart beat at a gentle pace, in time with his, and how your steady breathing tickled his skin - a constant reminder of your electrifying proximity.

“Sleepy?”

“Mmm… a bit.”

“Maybe a change of…” you glanced at the couch, “location would do you some good?” detangling yourself, the suggestion was made with a simple turn of the head, which Mingi agreed to with a curt nod, and a removal of his glasses.

Though it was his apartment and technically you were the guest, he was the one following you, like always. Shying away from your gaze as he rapidly changed into sweatpants and a tee that were other than those he had worn during his midnight expedition to retrieve you from the club, making you giggle and cover your eyes with a dramatic swoop of the hand, he was back at your mercy in these four walls. Playing with fire, he lied down on the bed next to you, counting to steady himself. Glasses left on the bedside table, he stared at the soft blur of the ceiling, admiring how soft the light of the earliest dawn looked without the myriad of details that otherwise occupied the material it fell upon. Mingi debated with himself whether what he was allowing was appropriate, and whether it would inevitably lead to what he had been secretly hoping for. He could not lie, not to himself at least - he still wanted you, and now, with the avenue towards the prospects of a relationship having been opened, the wishes were becoming increasingly more difficult to ignore. Not when you were right there beside him, obviously studying the contours of his face, tracing the gorgeous lines that its silhouette formed and thanking the heavens for having the ability to take in and memorise Mingi. 

Oddly enough, in the semi-darkness of the bedroom - a place that was supposed to be the most intimate and exposing, you felt confidence return to you like the gust of a reviving spring wind. With every inhale and exhale, the familiar strength regained its capability, and led you to place a hand on Mingi’s chest, and while still keeping up a coy act, to run a lone finger down its middle, stopping right at the abdomen. Muscles tensing under your touch, Mingi sighed. Clearly, sleeping was not on your agenda whether you wanted it or not. Your habits, perfected over years, were advising you to act, and do so now. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately for him, he shared the same desire.

“What’s up?” he mumbled, head rolling to the side to find you already looking right at him.

“You’re far.”

“We are literally on the same bed.”

“No, but you are far. You get me?” a tentative leg over his, hooking around and serving as a lever to pull you closer to him. It was too natural, how Mingi’s arm stretched out and let you cuddle into him, acting as a pillow.

“I suppose. What do you want to do about it?”

“This,” tracing along his jawline, you prompted him to turn. You were close, way too close for him to not hold his breath as you came into focus - the one person he could always see, even when you were not physically with him. 

Mingi resisted. As much as he was seeking the same contact, the tinge of regret for giving his heart up so easily was prominent, a scalding hot iron. It was too much - lying under the blanket of agitated stillness, pressure coiling at an astonishing speed as your eyes turned into the one universe he could care to exist in. Without realising it, he had turned towards you for a better angle, placing himself on your altar. Fingers ghosted over the sensitive skin under his ear, gently running through his blonde locks. Every brush of your hand against him was an unbearable fire, melting him into submission; nothing more than a servant in the sultry fog. It was impossible to answer how you were able to do this, and why Mingi was allowing you to, but just like everything else, it felt right, regardless of how dark the future could be. In what you had proclaimed to be a ‘mess’, he felt alive, human. For some, addiction was measured in degrees and in there being less and less memories as time went by - for him, it was in the syllables of your name, in the taste of your lips when he could not hold back any longer and closed the gap between you, sighing as the he could finally relive the sensation that had been haunting him every minute, be he asleep or awake.

The kiss was slow, deliberate, a bouquet of recollection and reminiscence as if you had been two souls torn apart for centuries. Mingi’s nose lightly brushed against your skin as he tilted his head to deepen the intimacy, his hands moving to hold you closer. The last time, each sense was charged with an undercurrent of carnal desire, and lust had revealed a palette of dark hues, while now, even with the rising intensity and Mingi’s hold drifting to find purchase on your hips, the scene was light. Instead of sacrificing yourselves to the night, you were defeating it, greeting your own dawn. It was an awe-inspiring hallucination, leaving you dazed and desiring more. Hooking your leg more tightly over Mingi’s thigh, you shuddered, the breathiest moan escaping you as an unexpected friction revealed your unwinding state, consumed by the man from whom you were done running. Breaking away to press your forehead against his and indulge in the shared oxygen, a hint of dizziness made you chuckle. Peppering a couple of kisses on his cheek, only to return to the same position, eyelashes almost touching, the lack of space proving to be the ultimate comfort, you whispered:

“I want this forever,” meaning every word, at least when ‘forever’ meant ‘for now’. You did not know yourself, or the new self you wanted to craft, so you could not make any promises just yet. But this was good enough. It was honest and raw.

“Take me on a date first,” Mingi teased with a wink. Caressing his cheek, you kissed the tip of his nose, making him scrunch it. 

“What a precious princess,” you chuckled, leaning over to close the space once again, ignited by the beautiful sounds that were muted by you, a most delectable fruit.

Desire on the tongue, truth on the teeth, love staining the lips a deeper pink as you fell into Mingi, giving into his tug at your waist to hover above him. This, however, did not last long as he grew more impatient, pressing you against his body, wriggling upwards until he was half-seated on the bed, and you, on his thigh. Your initial instincts were telling you to move, but as he adjusted his seating once more, muscle brushing against your growing excitement, you quickly decided against it, instead settling on his leg, grinding into it to check for Mingi’s reaction. Judging by the way his hand snaked to the nape of your neck, fingers lost in your tresses as he could not get enough of you, this was a welcome change. He was responsive, in tune with you, allowing you to take the lead. Momentarily standing up on your knees, you backed up to take off the sweatpants you had been wearing, feeling the heat in your core rising to embrace you in a seductive haze.

With glazed over, darkened orbs Mingi watched you, each breath an adrenaline-filled shudder. Freed from the cotton confines, with only the fine material of your panties left to contain the building arousal, you cupped Mingi’s face to give him a deep kiss until you lost all air, whispering instructions only once you had your fill. Promptly, he was in the same state of undress, more so when you cautiously hooked the base of his t-shirt, longing to see the body that was so perfect with yours. When you wanted to mirror the action, his expression changed to that of a miniscule panic, almost instantly replaced by an endearing shyness and a bitten lower lip.

“Can you… keep the shirt on?”

“You like to see me in your clothes, Mingi?” You were comfortable saying his name in other settings, sure, but in the semi-darkness of his bedroom, it occurred to you just how vulnerable the act was, capturing another’s attention with the simple collection of characters, echoing from wall to wall and resonating in the listener’s ears. But if you were to be an improved version of yourself, someone who had real control as opposed to the farce you had been parading around with, you needed to at least make a little bit of an effort to be aware of Mingi, find him in your pleasure and make him your focus. You were too used to taking centre stage and pushing others away for it. 

“More than I’d like to admit,” voice husky, he groaned as your lips found his neck, retracing, not needing pointers to find the places that drove your newly established lover wild, “Ah… if you are o-okay with it-”

His hands, now back on your hips, gave you a timid squeeze, reaffirming the rapture which your present outfit threw him into. Mingi had assumed that you were at your most beautiful when those dresses designed to seduce adorned your curves, highlighting and accentuating what he swore was divinity, but nothing could have prepared him for this sight, and the effect that it had on him. Whether it was on purpose or not, but his name being uttered so teasingly as you seeked an outlet for your sensual frustration, while you were in his shirt, in his room, having slept in his bed, it all sent him into a frenzy. He wanted to mark you, make you his, hear you say everything you never could to him while he would bring you heaven and make you see stars. 

“More than okay, darling, I love it,” nibbling at the soft skin, you smirked as Mingi emitted a groan, hands squeezing your ass. This prompted you to continue, and you sat back down, desperate for stimulation that your covered clit against his thigh could offer. 

“Is this how you want me, doll?” the pet name sent a jolt through you and you let out a shaky breath, leaving yourself to be supported by an equally taken Mingi, whose growing bulge was now poking against your knee.

“Doll?”

“Only fair I call you something pretty, hm? Unless you want to…” he trailed off, recalling the roles that you had taken previously.

“I want to take it slow with you right now,” you kissed him, lazily moving your hips, the material getting more soaked with each glide, “will you let me?” when he did not immediately give an answer, you palmed at the prominent hardness, asking again just as Mingi let out an airy moan, chasing the contact, “will you let me take care of you?”

“Fu-ck, yes…”

“So good for me- ah!” with a yelp, you shuddered when Mingi’s hand dragged your panties to the side to get a better view of the slick, not caring for the glistening fluid staining his leg. With a few tentative rolls of his thumb over your clit, he decided that he should help you reach your high first, attracted to how you lost yourself in his touch.

“Want to use my thigh to get yourself off that badly?”

“N-no I am going to take c- fuck,” head lolling back, you could only focus on the accelerating fingers over your sensitive nub, teasing its very tip and coated in your precum, stopping spontaneously. You whined, earning yourself a furrowing of the brows and a glint of surprise in Mingi’s gaze.

“Thought you said no?”

It clicked in your head, and the tinge of anger rapidly dispelled, instead being replaced by a warm endearment. You ran a hand through his beautiful hair, planting a kiss on his cheek before answering:

“I don’t want to make you work too hard today.”

“I like to see you like this though…” he mumbled, chasing after another taste of your plush lips.

“How? Unwinding because of your hand? Your thigh? Do you like to make me feel good?” with a few nods, you let him continue by tapping his upper arm. As soon as he resumed the action, in time with your rocking, you let yourself go fully, thinking only of the man who was below you. Nothing, nor anyone else came to mind.

Mingi was observing you carefully, your moans turning to sweet music, "Yes, Mingi, just like that-" 

"You look so beautiful, doll, fucking yourself on me. Could you be," he paused his ministrations - a light tremble of muscle a telltale sign of your approaching climax, "...any more perfect?"

Praise shot into your heart and your core, an overwhelming electric shock. You perceived yourself guilty and undeserving of this worship, and yet could not bear to hear anything else from Mingi's lips - you were sure that it would be your demise. Arms thrown over his shoulders, you attempted to speed up your movements, the action proving a challenge due to the accumulating tension. Your head fell forwards, forehead against Mingi’s collarbone as he took to guiding you, hand carefully positioned on the small of your back while the other rolled up and down your aching clit, each touch closer and closer to sending you over the edge.

“Dar-ling I-”

“Are you close, Y/N?” Why did your name have to sound so sweet when he said it?

“Ah- y-yeah…” Mingi was craving for relief to the point of dizziness, grasping at you for the most minimal support. Precum coated the inner side of his underwear, member at full mast as he toyed with your sopping pussy.

“Come over me, doll, please, beautiful, show me what I can do to you,” the request was a fire, deliciously weak and exposing. You looked up at Mingi, disarmed by the kindness of his expression, and peppered a couple of kisses around his lips, too disoriented to find the original target.

With one final rock of the hips, and Mingi’s fingers curling into you and gliding between your folds, you collapsed into unfathomable bliss, a lewd moan resonating from you while the orgasm left you shaking in Mingi’s strong arms. He let you ride out your high by keeping your hips from fully bucking, instead setting a steadily decreasing pace and soothing you through the overstimulation from your continued contact with his leg. He nuzzled against your cheek, following the action with a reassuring:

“I got you,” pulled you into embracing the angel of your life.

The hints of a rising sun began to trickle into the room, just barely leaving a pattern on the carpet and transforming the light in the room into a pale lavender and pink. This was the earliest, and the latest, that you had ever been with anyone after your ritualistic ‘night out’, and courteously reminded you of the occurrences that brought you back to Mingi. Upon your descent from the decadent oblivion, embarrassment struck and you pressed yourself against his body, sighing in relief when he hugged you tight. His hardness was impossible to ignore, and a part of you felt terrible for not repaying the pleasure he had given you just yet, but judging by the way in which you could feel his fingers trace abstract shapes on your back, and after one glance to one side, and then to the other, how he kept himself immersed in his senses, concentrating on you, he could hold out for a little longer. 

“Mingi?”

“Mm?”

“You did make me feel good. Really, really good,” uncharacteristically meek, the sentence sounded almost like an announcement, making him chuckle, but the smile that melted across his features was genuine and pure. Loving.

“Happy to hear it. And I am happy that you are feeling like this, Y/N.”

“May I…?” a ghostly caress of his erection, a shaky breath, a playful, lop-sided grin with glossed over eyes.

“And here I was thinking that you like bossing people around, hm?”

“Would you rather I did?” touch turned grasp, a finger playing with the waistband of his boxers while your voice dropped into a dangerous tone, serpent-like, sultry.

“I like new things, I want to get to know you better, gorgeous.”

“Let’s do just that then, though… I’ll need a little,” having regained full function of your legs, you slipped from the position over his thigh to be on your knees between his legs, centred, “assistance. Talk to me, darling, what do you like?”

“I-” with a swift motion, you snaked your hand into his boxers, taking out his erect member and giving it a tentative stroke.

There were no thoughts which he could vocalise aside from hoping that you would never stop. Your thumb circled over his reddened tip, coating itself in the fluid. You barely moved your hand, continuing to give special attention only to the head of his stiffened cock, making Mingi try to wriggle to get more friction. With a push on his pubic bone, you freeze him.

“Now, don’t get too impatient, first I need these boxers off, okay? I’ll help,” you let go of his member, tugging at the material and following Mingi’s quick lift of his lower half, pulled them down and off, leaving the stunning man bare and ready to respond to your every move and command. 

You truly wanted to fall in love with him. Those glistening eyes that rolled back slightly just before he closed them, unfathomable bliss revealed only to you, were a paradise that you would not mind floating in forever. He had full trust in you, breathy moans freely falling from his lips as you started to stroke his cock, having added some of your own spit to his pre-cum for lubrication. His every detail was a heavenly design that you could not believe nature had crafted, from body to mind, and here he was, giving it up to you. You regarded the telltale sheen of sweat that began to form on his smooth skin, giving him an angelic appearance in the haze of the early morning. His hands were gripping the bed sheets, knuckles gradually turning paler as you sped up with each pump of his leaking cock. In a moment where you noticed him looking upwards at the ceiling, not registering you, you stopped to give the base a soft squeeze, having an even better idea in mind.

“Mingi?” The call instantly made him dart back to you unfocused but endearingly determined.

“How would you feel about me sucking your dick, hm?”

“H-huh?”

“Only if you want to, darling,” resuming the strokes, albeit at a lazier, dangerously slow speed and making sure to give attention to every vein, you had to practically had to hold yourself back from grinning due to the perplexion decorating Mingi’s face, blended seamlessly with a blazing lust. 

“Are you sure?”

“I can show you, and you decide, deal?”

“Fu-uck yes, deal ye-” answer forgotten in the garbled, divine mess of carnal satisfaction, Mingi watched as you lowered yourself to hover above his member, and gave it a few kitten licks before taking in his tip.

You rolled your tongue over the heat, relishing in Mingi’s taste, and pushed down further until you were midway, and hollowed out your cheeks in time to sense how he twitched at the dizzying warmth. While you were more familiar with a dominant role, particularly one where you prioritised your own pleasure and used others as a form of self-relief - not exactly the most responsible approach but no one had complained yet, but even then you were no stranger to this sensual act. You dragged your tongue against his large erection, spurred on by his groan when you bobbed your head a couple of times before slipping off to give Mingi an inquisitive glance.

“So, what do you say?”

“You are… amazing,”

“I take that as a, ‘yes please, Y/N, continue’?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Then say it, darling, so I know,” you grazed a lone finger up his length, admiring just how sensitive it was, “and you can touch me, by the way, you were doing so well before what’s got you so shy now?” you chuckled when a hand that had previously been hovering in your vicinity finally found its place on the side of your face, timidly moving a few strands of hair that you had not noticed threatening to cover your vision. 

“Yes… please, Y/N, continue.”

“So precious.”

It did not take long for you to build him back up and higher again. You were addicted to how he writhed under you but was still careful to not grab onto your locks, instead choosing to repeatedly run his digits through and rest them while you masterfully took him in your mouth. A wanton symphony filled the room, blending every sigh and the sloppy collision of his tip against the back of your throat into a direct stimulation. Your core was growing needy, so much so that with one finger you began to roll over your sensitive clit, echoes of the explosive orgasm still shooting through your nerves but not nearly enough to satiate your evolved hunger.

“I’m going to-”

He pawed at you, while an oncoming wave was about to capture him whole. Mingi’s breathing was ragged and irregular and his head fell back while he struggled to distinguish reality from dreaming in the wake of his crumbling state. Just like he had done in your last encounter, the second before he came stirred in him a final aggression, a desire to prove to himself that he retained some form of power, even though all the signs pointed to the opposite. At least now, you were fully prepared. Throat relaxed and eyes fluttering shut, you let yourself be pushed down onto the throbbing cock with a rough hand, and welcomed the ropes of hot, white cum when they spurted out to coat your mouth, rivulets dripping down your throat and prompting you to swallow. The light tang was suddenly your favourite flavour, and you resumed your pumping, milking Mingi of all his nectar with a greedy forcefulness. He tasted like he was completely yours.

He hit the headboard as he collapsed from the exertion, astonished at how you licked your lips, showing off the emptiness of your mouth as you had swallowed his load. Your cunt ached for more, and you drifted towards Mingi until your chest was pressed against his, ensuring he recalled the fact that you were still wearing his shirt. Not caring for the remnants of his cum on the corners of your mouth, he searched for your lips, sealing them with a long kiss. You used this as an opportunity to lower yourself just enough to have your folds glide over his only just softening member, and deepened the kiss to drown out his gasp. You needed him, and needed him now. Not caring for recovery times, you began to fist his dick roughly, making him tremble underneath you and bite down on his lip.

“Come on, precious, won’t you give me another?”

“A-ah I- please I-”

“What was that?” you separated yourself from him, a smirk dancing on your lips when you sensed a familiar rush racing under skin from the stimulation, and leaned to the side to open the bedside drawer, successfully fishing out a condom. 

“I-”

“Speak up, sweetheart, I am not sure what you’re saying,” it was so easy to tease him, play with his mind, and you liked it too much. Reduced to babble, he shut himself off from further attempts to communicate, submitting to your determination to work him until he was hard again.

When you ceased to pump him and let go, his cock slapped against his skin, leaving behind traces of prior climax and clear promise of another. You removed the condom from the packaging and carefully unrolled it, suddenly struck by how practised this felt with Mingi, as if you knew each other’s bodies better than your own. You would be lying if you were to say you did not have him memorised.

Positioning his tip at your entrance, you sighed and slid him between your folds. One rock of the hips, another, and the condom was coated in your slick, and you began to take the member in, inch by inch into your fluttering heat, mouth ajar as you felt him grazing against your begging walls, the ribbed detail of the protection only adding to the sensation. Soon enough, he was fully sheathed inside your fluttering hole, and was struggling to hold himself back from bucking his hips upwards. One leg on either side of him, you were straddling his lap, the position reminiscent of a longing embrace, intimate, personal. The centre of your attention were the contortions of his face and the arms that loosely wrapped around your torso.

If it was possible to be any closer, then most certainly Mingi achieved it when he pulled you into him, holding you tight. The movement dragged your pussy over his cock, almost making it slip out until he settled you back down again, hissing when skin slapped against skin. Not surprised by, but still not expecting the enticing demonstration of strength, you nudged Mingi’s cheek with your own, whispering words of praise in his ear:

“Do you want to guide me?”

“Sorry Y/N, I couldn’t help it… your pussy feels so good…”

“I said I want to take care of you, Mingi, tell me what you want.”

“I… I do want to guide you, if you let me.”

“Show me what you can do, darling.”

You did not need to say it twice as he grabbed your hips to adjust your seating, and took to finding a steady and breath-taking rhythm, with the two of you moving as one. Mingi left one peck, another on your shoulder when you yelped from a particularly deep pound of his cock into you, grazing your g-spot and knocking you off kilter. 

“Yes, yes, Mingi-”

“So pretty, for me?” he cut you off while he quickened his pace, starting to move up with more vigour when you found balance by gripping onto the headboard.

“For-” you stopped, reassessing the sentence. Even in the comfort of his show of power, you were hesitant to give up. Nothing forced you to continue however, as Mingi angled his thrusts to hit your sweet spot repeatedly, making your legs tremble and pussy clench around him. The heat was becoming unbearable, and the knot in your stomach was driving you mad, “Fuck, Mingi, faster!”

Your words were followed by a few violent thrusts, before Mingi tapped your thigh and growled for you to shift your leg so that you could turn and lie down on your side. You read his wishes, cautiously shifting until your back was flush against his chest. Remaining close so that his length remained in your sopping cunt, you shifted to sink into the crumpled sheets, fixated on Mingi, who was entirely in his own world, concentrated on performance and pleasure. He lifted your other leg by hooking it with his arm and, once settled, began to thrust with a totally new vigour. 

His grunts mixed with your high-pitched whines, and his pistoning caused your fluids to spill relentlessly around his cock, soaking the sheets. Mingi was in overdrive; he wanted more, needed more and despite already having already come one for you, he was ready to do it again. The pain of having his cock abused and overstimulated had subsided, instead transforming into a delightful sensitivity to the warmth of your walls, and how they started to pulsate. You unleashed a broken moan as your high accumulated and destroyed you, giving you up to Mingi entirely. Sensing the shift, he persisted, letting out his own guttural groan when the pounding into your hole had turned into pure ecstasy and brought him to his own orgasm. Cock twitching as it spilled out more of his release into the condom, the heat leaving you dizzy, you followed his change of position back into sitting, jaw slackened, vision unfocused.

Mingi kept you against him, encouraged you to say his name again while you warmed him, to which you instantly obliged - it felt too natural, meant to be. He scissored your folds with his fingers, after which he moved up to tease your pulsing and erect clit, middle finger moving over it at an astonishingly fast pace. You practically clawed at Mingi, sure that you were about to break, gasps stuck in your throat but he would not budge, holding you down until a tidal wave crashed into you, and you mewled through another climax, this time a clear liquid spilling from you and further ruining the cotton below. A wreck, you leaned back on him, unable to keep yourself up any longer from the shaking of your legs to the blankness of your mind. 

He kissed you back to full consciousness, having tilted your head so he could capture your lips again and again, each contact more gentle than the one prior. After pulling out his cock and discarding the condom, his full attention was on you. Mingi caressed your face, snaked his hands under the t-shirt to feel your skin, lowered you onto the bed and slid another pillow so that you remained in a more or less upright position.

“You okay?” he tried, worry showing itself on his features when you did not respond instantly.

“I love,” he stilled, eyes widening, “...this. I love this, Mingi,” nevertheless, he beamed, lips interlocking for what had to be the thousandth time. Not sure how to respond, he simply lied down next to you, watching as your inhales and exhales grew more level, deeper, and awareness of surroundings returned.

“We… we really should clean up, yeah?”

“Definitely changing the bedsheets later,” Mingi pointed at what was running the risk of being a stain of your release. Blush rose on your cheeks as you turned away, mumbling:

“Good point.”

“Hey, hey, it was worth it. You looked beautiful,” he tried to move you back, but you only crossed your arms, joking.

“You were literally behind me, Mingi.”

“Beautiful from all angles, doll,” you sharply turned, giving him a glare before suppressing the widest grin.

“So cheesy,”

“Do you like it?”

“Unfortunately, a little too much.” you flicked his nose with your own, the safety and adoration oozing from Mingi lulling you. The room glowed a stunning shade of pink, with hints of orange as you swam in his stunning dark irises.

“Well I have a lot more where that came from.”

“Can’t wait to hear it. Now, uh… shower?”

It was Saturday. And most definitely, it was not the dead of night. Late morning light washed over your skin as you sat upright on Mingi’s bed, the same one you had run from not too long ago. Only this time, the arm lazily thrown over your stomach was impossible to move, and the gaze of the man with his head perched on his other hand was impossible to ignore. It was evident that he was waiting for your next move, purposefully silent. Aware. Even though you had made your own version of a confession, you knew that you had a long way to go if you wanted Mingi to wholeheartedly trust you, and thus you would be able to hold and protect his love in your own slowly healing heart. 

For the first time, you were looking beyond the character you had created for yourself, feeling for the essence of who you had once been far too long ago, thawing the self-protective frost you had accumulated as your last resort.  Attempting to stay still, you focused on how your breathing repeatedly lifted and lowered his arm that was still on your body. Too heavy, too intimate, too real for you to handle. According to the logic that you were trying to shed for a full reawakening, you had gotten what you wanted, right? Then why was it that you could not stand up and leave, having used him again, mercilessly and coldly? Why were you stuck? Resistance was futile. Questions turning into a barrage of artillery against your clouded mind were agonising, and amidst the colossal pause a shudder passed over your body. Mingi’s t-shirt that he had let you borrow, hanging loosely over you was suddenly not enough. Feeling bare, you grasped at the bedsheets, anything, the cold settling on your skin like fresh snow, coating you and leaving you gasping. A trembling of the lips, a breath suspended in the lungs, blooming into an ache until tears welled up in your eyes, glistening raindrops. Patterns felt like strangers as you thought of the many days that you had tried to not live through, instead succumbing to impulse and carnality, and the foreign bliss of being in the now was so acute it sent shocks through your system. A white light, a white lily, a white dove cradled in your hands. You felt Mingi’s hand pressing into your side as he moved a little closer. You could hear him, his breath, his heartbeat, feel the heat emanating from his body, and every touch imprinted on your skin once again. Celestial blessings that soothed you like no one ever could. Biting on your lower lip, you lowered your head to fight the last of yourself. Shedding your beliefs and desires, you were left bare, and you were terrified. A white chasm into which you kept on falling, and the only thing you could hear was Mingi’s voice as he sat up to pull you into an embrace, his strong arms lifting you from your position and into his lap. Heart to heart, you melted into the feeling, inhaling him, his affection that was seeking you out in the panic. A hand lulling you, slowly patting your back as your body shook with every suppressed sob. As he mumbled your name against your ear, calling out for you, the previously contained tears sprung out, travelling down your cheeks, but Mingi could not care less, only hugging you tighter until even in your loss, you could feel that he was there, and he was not planning to leave.

Once you calmed down, he continued to hold you, mumbling abstract thoughts that occurred to him, unrelated to anything that had you rolling up the walls like a penny. You knew it was on purpose - a delightful distraction crafted by psychological mastery, getting you to nod along to his plans for ‘the latest breakfast of all time’, listening to his mention of some park or square nearby, switching you off from the ghosts of a turbulent circuit that you were too used to existing in. You did not mind the chatter, the vibrations emanating across and from his chest as he spoke having turned into the most soothing sensation. 

“...a date.”

“Huh?” only having registered the last part of the sentence, you jolted out of your empty musings.

“Since we are now dating, we will go on a date.”

“Makes sense.. But… how?” he chuckled breathlessly, detangling himself a little, just to look at you.

“How? Are you asking how people go on dates?”

“I guess…”

“Well then I’ll have to show you.”

As you lost yourself in another kiss, a thought, or more accurately, a small yet persistent wish buried itself in your mind. With all your being, you hoped that on this date, in every step towards new tomorrows, it would be only you and Mingi, and the metaphorical doors would remain shut, isolating and erasing your past. After all, you did not want to use him. 

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Rigor Mortis (prologue)

College roommate Miguel O'Hara x reader

(AO3 Mirror) (Wattpad) Series Masterlist, Main Masterlist,

Part 1

summary: Relationships end. People die. You move on, and Miguel does too.  (roommate! Miguel O'Hara x reader, college-ish au). 

warnings: no warnings, just angsty asf

a/n: this is the culmination of lots and lots of planning and me writing non-stop for a good few weeks. the next part will be much longer, and updates will be wednesdays until further notice. thank you for all your support! If you'd like to be tagged, see this post.

Thank you to my beta readers, @tianyhi and @urgonnaneedabiggership (they also write Miguel fics, I highly recommend! my favourite is this series), I couldn't have done it without you guys :D

Join my taglists here <3

wc: 1.1k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

rigor mortis,

You're sitting at a diner, the one on 57th. At almost 11pm, it's… quiet. The gentle bustle of a waitress behind the counter, coffee mugs and sizzling pans. To your side, a little old woman tucked into the booth. Bright red lipstick and bold eyeliner against tan skin, wrists heavy with bangles against the counter. It's animated: feather boa, green leather jacket - and you think you spy the padding of some slippers from underneath the table. She clinks and clanks, and it makes you smile in spite of yourself. Peeling walls, cramped booths. Warm. Steady. Pam's Diner, on the corner, but you've got to use the side entrance, 'cuz the front's been bolted shut since the 50s. Don't ask questions.

"Mags, honey… I just want to… can you get your mom for me?" She's squinting into her phone now, nose pressed to the screen. You can only imagine the view from there; a facetime call with a smudge of eyebrow taking up most of the little box. 

It's odd, but you like to sit near the door. Some pancakes, a milkshake, or a bitter cup of coffee now that you're older: people watching, as you've always called it. Okay, maybe it's more than odd . Maybe even serial killer adjacent - people-watching, like the night stalkers in cheesy slashers. But it's fun, looking for a story in everyone that walks in. 

In your hometown, you had your first date in a booth just like this one. Back pressed against once-bright cushions, tight skirt digging into your back, and at 15 you had sat and waited with wide eyes. Waited, and watched. The woman with a blue hair-tie at the counter: a new mom, definitely. She looks tired, a mystery stain on the cotton of her joggers and deep rims around her eyes. A jitter in her hands, and she's probably got a piece of shit boyfriend on the couch; wringing his hands at looking after the little one, at being a fucking dad, for once, and… oh. The bell of the front entrance rings, and another woman walks in, and catches the eye of Blue Hair Tie. A warm smile, a tight arm around her waist. You watch as she takes up the other's jittery hand in her own. Partner? Fling? You know now; it doesn't matter, not really. Hands still, the shaking slows, and they are loved. 

Your date had been late, of course. But  what had been your first in a line of disappointing men is long forgotten in the haze of adulthood. 

"I know, sweetheart-" the older woman in the booth next to you almost shouts, making you jump. "...those are very pretty shoes… but, could you… Hand the phone over to mom, okay?“

Someone answers with cooing and soft babbling, and then there's raspy laughter from the woman near you. It rings off the tiles: sonorous and full-bodied, wraps around you like a warm hug. It makes you feel a little less lonely, for now. 

As of exactly 9.42pm, you are single. A four year relationship, over in the space of less than 20 minutes. A cup of watery decaf, and it's all over before you can finish it. I'll stay at my sister's, and you move out by the end of the month. No theatrics, not a trace of tears. You had wanted to cry, to kick and scream and beg, but more than anything, you were numb. Crystalline and still with shock, at how clinical it all felt. Sitting in your favourite diner, the humdrum of the city just past the glass; it still felt… lonely. And when he left; placed money on the counter, took his copy of keys off the table, and didn't look back ; it was cold. 

You remember what he had said so many nights ago, God, years back, when he was studying for undergrad, and would crack open anatomy textbooks on the little desk in your dorm. He'd trace the lines of your arm, poke the flesh as you'd giggle and recite his notes into your skin. 

that… tickles! what are y-you… ohh my God-

Stay still! This is.. important… 

… I swear, I'll start screaming if you-

Pallidity, cooling, stiffness-

that's it, I'm screaming… I'm gonna do it-

It's not gonna learn itself, baby. Pallor, algor… 

and rigor, right? 

… 

I listen. Sometimes. 

…rigor, livor mortis and decay. The stages of death. 

I thought you wanted to be a surgeon, baby, not the grim reaper. 

Very funny. It's still important to know about these things, no? 

I guess? But if you're gonna be saving lives…

That's not how it works. I'm not God. I make mistakes, people die. I do everything right-

People die. 

Right. Above all, I'm in the business of people. Whilst they're alive and when they're gone, what they leave behind…

…but that's not really your job, is it? And don't give me all that, it's a vocation crap-

I don't know what to tell you. It is. It's bigger than me. 

…it's long and hard and killing you slowly. 

…

Shit. Jamie, I didn't mean to-

Rigor mortis. Post-mortem 'stiffness' or rigidity, which occurs one to two hours after death.

I'm sorry, I wasn't th- 

The summation of unraveling: a temporary stasis, which could be described as 'frozen' in time or place, often mirroring the cause of death- 

Jesus, I'm not trying to fight- 

..where a body becomes a dead body. Colloquially, referred to as Alius Mortem, or; another death. 

The phrase stuck, acting as a cruel count for the eventual decay of your relationship. Resentment, on both ends, had burned out that flame long before the breakup. Jamie was cruel, in some ways. You were cruel in others. 

"Alice! Just wanted to say hi, cupcake; missed your voice… oh yeah… mhmm… she's just like you, can talk for the trees…" With the rasp of laughter in the booth next to you, it spreads the kind of warmth that stings. 

There's a spark of self awareness at the back of your throat; the bitter taste of realisation. It's not meant to feel like this, is it? The end of almost a half-decade of your life, an era, the culmination of decisions good and bad and gray that have led you up to this moment. There should be… passion. Fighting, maybe. Tears. Instead of a supernova, you find yourself floating in the empty vacuum of space: an acrid taste left in your mouth. 

"Oh God, have you and the girls been eating well? Let me come over tomorrow, drop you off some stuff…I don't trust half the crap in that cupboard of yours-" There is love and light in her voice, despite groans from the tinny speakers of her phone. Your chest is hot; something leaden and heavy that sits in the crook of ribcage. Bittersweet, like rotting fruit in the cradle of a tree trunk. 

Maybe it's the coffee. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Over the past few years, a thousand cuts. And now, in the yellow lights of the little diner on the corner of 57th; another death. 

_

_

_

Rigor Mortis Taglist: @bunnyrose01 @lavenderslemonade @tsukkie-daisuke @malxoxo @thekidscallmebosss @vvitcxen @theyoutubedork @doublevirgogirl @jnghs @taleiak @noblesavagex @cumikering @rebeccawinters @evanpetersrightbigtoe @saucypeanuttt @pix-stuff @maliarenee @truthuntolddd @honeycovered-bandaids @aiyaaayei @aeeliy @amplsblog @sikrettt @opuffmango @spear-bitch @maddielikesmoths @lemonpepsi @sweet-strawberryhoney @lacedinweb22 @bubbsby @jing5uan @ellaandorersoct @hibarbiesblog @valentxi @kittym1ka @delulu-dia @melovetitties @yohoe-hoe @acollectionofcells1 @froggi-mushroom @thund3rthighs

@bonthebunnie @natthernandez @strawberrymiguel @twwcs @mammonispunk @um-well @renn-pumkin-head @ietherealkistar @smallishbook @sonderspider @spear-bitch @cryingintheclubdhmu @mageneire @notdyl4n @slezhara @funkyfoxx0 @smol-beb @iceclaw101 @lixhizy @errorundyne-exe @707xn @beantokki@twentysomethingwereyote

@teacoffeeflavored @chuuyara@qiapia@rotten-zombi3@bonbyon @tianyhi @noelsilly @frieddesigninspiringquotesslime @peachsteven @thesquidni@fatenpara @verr-uckt @kurakasabe @kamiko32 @mushy-mushroom04@izzys-hawttea@theandromedastar @wicked-futures @truthuntolddd @prettygirlpattinson @hellokittylover202 @angel-eyes05 @lacedinweb22 @starguiders @buggiecrawls @eugeab @tarjapearce @whoreloll @path0logicalpeoplepleaser @ancientbeing10 @shartythefarty@royalhearts

[skriblee-ksk]

“I checked the drinks… Princes’ outfits are up to code… Grimmy’s with Ryoko right now… I didn’t forget anything, did I?”

“Okay. Ready as I’ll ever be…! Let’s make this ball a success!”

Set to Home Screen: Are you ready? I’ll wait for you, if you need me to.

Home Transition:

1: Woah… The chandeliers are so bright and sparkly… 12 arms from the bottom bowl, which are four more than the one in the Mirror Chamber, but the top… Ah, sorry!

2: Deuce called me Lady Kiyuu earlier, which really made me happy. I would have worn a pretty dress, but these clothes are a lot warmer and comfier. I think I managed to make myself look feminine either way!

3: Kalim’s really enjoying talking to the attendees. He seems to be getting friendly with everyone, including people from RSA! Must be because he’s familiar with hosting parties.

4: So many attractive people are here… I wonder if I’d be bothering them if I said I wanted to take a picture of them…?

Home, after Login: This ball is really fun! If I lean back on this wall and squint, it just looks like a blur of blue, white, and gold. I think it’s nice that there’s a time these schools can merge like this.

Tap Home:

1: I’m excited to vote for the Belle of the Ball! Huh? Oh, no, I never had any intent to participate. I just enjoy seeing pretty people.

2: Ah, what? Oh, I’m just reviewing my notepad to make sure I’m not forgetting any etiquette. I’m doing perfectly well, so far! I reviewed it before I entered too, but just in case, you know?

3: Oh, no, wait, Grim’s gonna devour the entire table of finger foods at this rate. I’ll be right back!

4: I know I’m supposed to be helping the princes out, but I’m not sure if I’m doing a proper job here… Hm? You think I’m doing pretty well? Mm… Hehe, thanks!

5: It’s a little bit harder than usual to catch the attention of the attendees here since there’s so many people… Well, I guess I just have to find better ways to make my presence known!

Glimmering Soirée is a twst fan event hosted by: @starry-night-rose!!

Groovy Lines: Unlocked

Notes and stuff under cut!!

Groovy art coming soon!! maybe. hopefully. i have the sketch done so hopefully i can finish lol. I slightly tried imitating the twst shading style, but idk.

I searched up men’s victorian era clothing and ended w making this design. few obvious design changes in the end (color) result, mostly the gloves.

Here’s the pic without the SR thing! And the sneak peak for the groovy (which i rlly tryharded on so maybe i should’ve listed it as an ssr but whatevs i’ll leave that to my friend + ryoko because ryoko deserves that ssr title)

And tag list for my friend who rlly wanted to be tagged in Kiyuu stuff (if you wanted be added, just tell me!!): @kathxrat-01

[lilacliquors]

pairing: billy butcher x reader

word count: 1166

notes: on the twelfth day of ficmas, lilacliquors gave to me ... billy butcher learning the true meaning of christmas!

and this is the final day of ficmas!! i said it the other day, but thank you so much for participating in our very successful 12 days of ficmas, and for enjoying the little one shots.

the full masterlist will be queued up for christmas day as a little gift to you, and then i'll go back to posting the stuff in my inbox / some other things in the coming days! have a happy holiday if you celebrate, and a very happy new year <3

if anyone was a pre-roast beast carving grinch, it was billy butcher. he was never one to get into the holiday spirit, claiming he had nothing to celebrate. nothing you did could help change his mind, he was so set in his ways. you, on the other hand, loved the holidays. they filled you with a kind of joy that only came around once a year. it had always been a big holiday with your family, and you carried on a lot of the traditions you all had. 

you had your three types of cookies to bake: almond crescent, peppermint pinwheels, and gingerbread men. you started playing christmas music on black friday, queueing up your favorites right away and changing the radio station on the weekends to the one you knew would be playing nonstop holiday tunes. you had your whole apartment decorated just days after thanksgiving, and it looked perfect every time. so perfect, in fact, that billy couldn’t help but be in awe when he came by to visit you.

he knew you loved the holidays, he just couldn’t understand why. to him, it was just any other time of year, just much colder and far more annoying when you had random people ringing bells and collecting for sham charities. it was a load of bullshit to him, but rather than dim your light, he kept his mouth shut when he was with you. today was going to be a little harder, though, because he was joining you on a little shopping trip.

“why are we doing this again?” he asked, watching as you wrapped your scarf around your neck.

“because i picked a few names from an angel tree, and we’re going to give those kids a merry christmas. come on, this is the fun part,” you said.

“angel tree? the fuck is that?” he held the door open for you, and you both ventured out into the cold.

“okay, so, it’s a tree that has the names, ages, and christmas wishes of children from families that might not have the means to celebrate christmas. so, you pick a name, or a few, from the tree, and you fulfill their christmas wish! i think it’s a really great cause, i do it every year,” you explained, walking beside him down the sidewalk. billy said nothing, but just simply shrugged his shoulders. sounded like a load of shit to him, but you were excited for it, so what was the harm in humoring you?

you made it to the department store, and once inside, you pulled out the tags of the children whose names you picked. to billy’s surprise, you had around five tags in your hands, and he guided you to the side as you read them out.

“okay, i picked ones who asked for clothes, but not as many toys. they’ve got the sizes listed, so this will be a piece of cake. come on!” you tucked the tags away, took billy’s hand, and started making your way to the children’s section of the floor. 

“i thought kids wanted all them fuckin’ noisy pieces of junk. why’d you pick clothes?” he asked, watching as you thumbed through the wracks of clothes.

“clothes tend to be more expensive, and not as many people feel inclined to pick them. they think toys are easier, and that all kids want toys, no matter what. but sometimes, all these boys and girls want is a new winter coat, since theirs is two sizes two small. or warm pajamas, or new sneakers because their feet are too big. they don’t ask for much, they know they can’t. so why deny them this in favor of some plastic?”

billy fell silent as he watched you hold up a coat. it was purple with a soft lavender lining, a hood on the back, and pockets that zipped shut. it looked warm, cozy, perfect for a little girl. you set it over your arm and went back to looking, and billy held out his hand.

“here, let me hold the tags. i’ll read them out to you,” he said, and you smiled.

“thanks. here you go.” you handed him the tags, and he read them over himself. just like you had described, four out of the five asked for winter jackets. one asked for a sweater, another for new winter boots. he glanced up at you, and you now had a few more coats in your arms, and you looked over to confirm you had the right sizes.

“all right, you think these will do?” you asked, holding up your haul.

“i think they’re perfect. let’s go find that sweater, and those boots.”

you walked along together, and with him beside you this time, you looked through the children’s sweaters. this one was for a little girl, age six, and nothing was really speaking to you. but then, to your surprise, billy held up a light blue sweater with beautifully knitted snowflakes on it.

“what do you think of this one?” he asked, angling it so you could see better.

“i think it’s perfect, but check the size.”

“already did. it’ll fit her, promise.”

you smiled, then gave him a thumbs up. he smiled a bit, then draped it over his arm before you went on to find the rest of the items on the tags. soon, both his and your arms were full of other clothes, the coats, and one teddy bear that billy picked out for a little boy. you made it to the register, and together, you split the cost of everything. once it was bagged and you were on your way, billy wrapped his arm around your shoulders and tucked you close to his side.

“you’re a good one, you know that?” he asked as you walked.

“so are you,” you replied.

“nah, not me. always been a heartless bastard.”

“a heartless bastard wouldn’t have found that teddy bear. or that sweater. give yourself some credit here, butcher. you’re gonna help make this christmas the best one some of these kids have ever had. it’s the most wonderful time of the year, after all. season of giving and all that,” you said, nudging him gently. he glanced down at the bags between you, then shrugged again and offered a small smile.

“yeah, maybe it is. but that one woman in the toy aisle was a right cunt. did you see the look she was givin’ me?” he asked, and you laughed.

“oh my god, of course i did! it was like she’d never seen a grown man with a teddy bear before. he was a cutie, by the way.”

“mh, cute little fucker. guess that’s what this is all about, eh? making other people happy?” 

“that’s how i’ve always seen it.”

“then … as long as i get to make you happy, i can give this holiday shit a try. starting next year.”

a whole 365 days away? you smiled. after all, it was a start.

[dangerpronebuddie]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @tizniz thank you darling 🥰🩵

How many works do you have on ao3?

17! Soon to be 18 (hopefully).

What's your total ao3 word count?

78,569 words

What fandoms do you write for?

Currently 9-1-1 and previously one or two chapters on a Sherlock fic my sibling started YEARS ago.

Top 5 fics by kudos:

1. Lost Control And Rang Your Bell

2. To The Core (I Love You)

3. What Breathing Feels Like

4. Baby, I'm Never Gonna Leave You

5. Our Shoulders Touch, There's A Moment

Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I try to get every single one 🥰

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Yet to be published 😉. Published though, probably Baby, I'm Never Gonna Leave You. It's not angsty per se, it's more ominous.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I try for happy endings always (it's the Jane Austen in me), but I'd say the fic with the happiest ending would be The Pain Is UnBEARable. Friends to fiances 😁!

Do you get hate on fics?

Once? I really don't know if it was hate or just frustration? I mean, it was an open ending so just... ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ sorry?

Do you write smut?

I'm trying! I posted my first one last week 😁: And Every New Boy That You Meet (He Doesn't Know The Real Surprise) (part 2 is in progress)

Craziest crossover?

Haven't written any.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

God, I hope not.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so?

Have you co-written a fic before?

Once. The Sherlock one my sibling wrote. They put me as co-author but the majority is theirs.

All time favorite ship?

Buddie! They have altered my brain chemistry.

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

There's a wip I keep going back to that I have a love/hate relationship with. The scenes and the lines and the descriptions are some of the best I think I've ever written. But the premise is iffy at best. We'll see. If I can get a solid enough plot and if Buck gives me an explanation for what the hell he does in that fic, I might finish it.

What are your writing strengths?

Hmmm... I've been told a lot of my fics feel like episodes and the characters' voices are pretty good. So I guess the pacing of my fics? (Which shocks me because I really suck at pacing my original works).

What are your writing weaknesses?

Description. I just don't do the long and beautiful descriptions or the super detailed whump scenes very well. It takes practice, but it seems to be a talent I just don't have.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I like it, but I don't do it very much. I don't want people to tell me I'm an idiot for getting something wrong.

First fandom you wrote in?

Sherlock.

Favorite fic you've written?

My beloved Hildy fic. I treasure it. It freaking flopped but it is my baby. I love the entire Danger Prone Diaz series so far, but They Say She's Gone To Far (This Time) was so much fun.

Tags: @lover-of-mine @monsterrae1 @loveyouanyway @steadfastsaturnsrings @ronordmann @daffi-990 @wikiangela @thekristen999 @bidisasterevankinard @kitteneddiediaz @actuallyitsellie @hippolotamus @diazsdimples @exhuastedpigeon @spagheddiediaz @theotherbuckley @wildlife4life @fortheloveofbuddie and anyone else who wants to! 🥰🩷 (if I missed you I'm sorry)

[https-furina]

2023 is coming to an end and while this blog has yet to hit one year old, it’s gathered its fair share of mutuals. it’s only fair to give you all some thanks and appreciation before the year closes. if you’re not here i apologise sincerely, i’ll make sure you are on next year’s list.

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ mika — @mikacynth

hi mika !! i’ll start with you. i know we haven’t interacted much since you went to university (i hope you’re doing super well !! please take care of yourself) but i wanted to thank you for being one of my first mutuals on this hell site. you were super friendly and you always randomly drop cursed genshin memes in the server <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ mae — @maehemthemisfit

mae, i don’t know where life has taken you but i miss you a lot. it was so fun trying to figure out dango anon and you made me laugh countless times, i just hope you’re doing well <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ bell — @blue-b3rries

ew it’s bell (i’m JOKING) hi sweetheart !! you literally never fail to make me laugh in the network server and you always come out with really random things. it’s okay, maybe next christmas we’ll get you a dictionary /lh i love you !! /p <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ inky — @lemeowade

inky !! my favourite artist ever !! we don’t actually interact too much on tumblr now (i do like a lot of the stuff you rb tho) because we talk a lot on discord now. it’s nice to have someone that checks in occasionally and i absolutely love when you show your art !! it’s clear you’re making progress with it and finding your style and i love it so much. you’re gonna do fab things sweetheart <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ amai — @amaiaqt

one of my favourite writers ever and a fellow cyno simp !! i miss you a lot and it shows because i always get excited to see you in my inbox. i hope life is treating you well and that we get to see you more in the new year <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ general — @watatsumiis

hi general !! i’m sorry we didn’t interact as much anymore but you’re so sweet and fun to talk to !! i love your writing and i have the best time reading your tags on people’s art because i’m like “damn. that’s so me” and also you always reblog the best art?? it’s wild you keep my dash alive <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ aly — @soleillunne

who are you? anyways hi wife !! i send you appreciation letters whenever things get tough so i’ll dull it down here a little. thank you for being probably my closest mutual, talking to me daily and always sending tiktoks to each other. if you dare think about leaving me, i’ll find you. in every lifetime <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ari — @n3r0-1417

another person that i’m super sorry we don’t interact as much anymore ): you literally never failed to make me laugh and you 100% have permission to kill me at any time, just don’t tell aly. i hope we can interact more in the new year and i hope it treats you well too, you deserve it <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ yui — @ilyuu

yui !! wow i’m really failing on interacting with some of you but whenever you’re on my dash it’s pure chaos?? even with no context i can’t lie it’s funny. i picture it like when the scooby doo gang are running and you see all the different shots and stuff. anyways, 2024 better treat you good !! <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ kiri — @kirimoochi

the last time we interacted you wasn’t doing so hot on some fronts and i really hope things have improved for you, sweetheart. you deserve the world and whilst i love your alhaitham & kazuha works, i know a lot of them came from your heart and i hope you’re healing. i pray the new year is kind to you and that things are going better <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ bori — @bboricha

hi bori !! we’ve only interacted a few times because i find it sooo funny when you randomly appear on my dash talking about leon kennedy (because honestly, same) but i hope there’s chances we interact more in 2024 !! fun fact, i followed you for your 5swirl stuff and 1k special (i actually remember what content made me follow you hahahelpme) but i stayed because… relatable. here’s to more interactions !! <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ yume — @yaminohimeyume

oh boy.. hi yume !! you know i could sit here for hours appreciating you right? whenever i log into genshin i check to see if you’re online so i can say hi !! i love helping you with bosses, domains or even exploration but even when we just talk and i don’t join you, it’s nice to have a conversation with someone. you’ve provided me with plenty of distractions this year but in 2024 our goal is to build your characters HAHA i love you !! /p <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ aya — @miuzki

my neuvillette !! i miss you so much, i hope you’ve been doing well and not overworking at all. i know you haven’t really been in touch with genshin towards the end of this year but you’re always welcome in my messages, yknow? i love your writing so much (i still re-read that comfort piece you wrote for me all the time…) please take care of yourself and i hope you have an amazing new year <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ yukari — @ryuryuryuyurboat

is that.. is that my favourite child?! hi ryuu !! i don’t exactly remember how we met. you kinda just appeared in my life one day but it felt like i’d known you forever. you’re an absolute joy to know and you constantly bring a smile to my face !! i’ll c6r5 morrigan first though. have a fantastic new year (and you will not be getting rid of me) <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ lili — @lillonvia

oh my gosh !! my chihuahua !! every time we talk i have the best time ever i can’t even lie like that one time we randomly started reciting the lyrics to california girls and how you started playing on eu server for me. it’s a little crazy with the timezone difference but you’re the amber to my collei and you deal with me torturing you with my genshin va knowledge (did you know cyno is izumi from horimiya?) i love youuuu /p <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ dumbi — @dumbificat

well well well, if it isn't the cutest mf to ever exist >///< it's my co.. parent-in-law? i don't remember because i just remembering rizzing you (oops.) but hey dumbi !! i'll be fr i was always a little nervous/scared to interact with you but i really wanted to and then you joined the network and i minorly lost my mind.. thank you so much for all the smiles and laughter you've brought in these past few months and also for your writing that i am very happily married to. oh and all the fun i get to have helping you explore on eu <3 thank you for letting me join you sometimes. i really hope we get to interact more in 2024 and here's to hoping the new year treats you well!! i love youuuu /p <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ heia — @heiayen

heia. my child. my sweet, funky bean. i love you /p but also. fuck you for how much you make me absolutely lose my shit when it's late for us and i have to be quiet so instead i'm wheezing in bed until i'm crying. chaos hours are the best and you are genuinely such a sweetheart to be friends with. i hope we get to interact more in 2024 (you have no choice) and that it treats you well !! but also, 0.5 stars to the ayaka uber but 10 stars to the network's ooc reporter. mwah! i love you (again) /p (you still need to read to me in some blankets ehehe) <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ coco — @hwaitham

hi hi coco !! we haven't interacted that much (and i'm typing very formal for this post it feels out of character for me) but i've loved your works for sooooo long !! and you and haitham are so cute i just wanna. AAAA you deserve the world and i genuinely hope everything you ever want comes true in 2024 because you just deserve it. if it doesn't, i'll start barking up some trees ehehe. i love you!! /p i hope we get to interact more in 2024 <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ raine — @to-kazuha

oh, it's you /j hi sweetheart <3 2023 has been very all over the place for us but here we are, ending (and starting) another year together !! even if you don't think so, your writing is amazing and i can't wait to see you grow and get more comfortable with it (practise makes perfect!) and also how can i forget that you're my personal miko main.. life would have been a very sad experience if you hadn't came to me on anon in my old blog <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ clara — @umgatochamadopercyval

clara !! you're a very recent mutual so i can't say i have a lot to write (we'll be changing this in 2024 !!) but you are an absolute gem to know. your asks never fail to make me smile and now even your messages !! you're a sweetheart and you deserve a lot of good things. i hope 2024 brings more sagau isekai to my dms and a lot of joy to you. never stop being you !! <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ yza — @yzashaven

hi yza !! we've not been able to interact for a while ): but i'd like to appreciate you for all the times you've came to my inbox with angst, i love you so much for it /p and i still have an angst draft with your name on it because of an idea you came into my inbox with !! your writing is so good and i really hope we get to interact more next year. happy holidays sweetheart !! <3

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ honorary mentions — @jingyuansbird, @honeykaes, @nervocat & @bunicate

happy holidays & happy new year to the four of you !! i would love to appreciate you all but i can only go as far as praising the absolute hell out of all of your works !! you're all fantastic writers that i love to pieces and i hope that the new year treats you all well !! here's to more interactions so i can write you all paragraphs next year (cries) <3

signed with love, serafina.

[dairogo]

Tag the people you want to know better!

Tagged by @lassusog and let's see how I go!

Last song: Jingle Bells ... It was at the request of my 3 year old :')

Colour: Favourite? Historically, it's been navy blue, but I'm seeing a trend towards lovely autumn colours these days. That rusty sort of brown is a fun one!

Last movie: You know, I have actually seen a movie recently! I hung out with my mum and my 3yo on Monday and we outvoted Miss 3 and watched Northanger Abbey during 'rest time' and she chose to stay with us and watched most of it instead of going for a nap. Baby's first Austen.

Sweet, spicy or savoury: All have their place! I can't do BIG spice, but I crave some spice these days because it's the one I'm less likely to be able to have, with family meals.

Relationship: Coming up on ten years since my husband and I started dating! That's pretty cool! He's pretty great :)

Current obsession: Huh. I'm not sure I have the headspace for one at the moment? Or maybe it's just that I'm obsessed with my original work and so there's no hype about it to make it look like previous obsessions.

Last googled: "When did man buns become a thing" - mid 2010s, for anyone who cares. I was checking to see if I could put a character into one, because I kept on picturing him with a really bad man-bun, and I am so glad that I can make it canon! Stupid.

Currently working on: The aforesaid original fiction! You want a bad summary of it? Anxiety and Depression get together to save the world from vampires and superheroes <3 I'm currently on about my third major edit of the first act, with plans for where the second act is going, and vague ideas of epilogue but no full roadmap there. I just want more time to actually work on it! I've been at it for a year and a half already, but turns out that two small children take up a lot of time and energy, and I had a three term work contract in the middle of that, too, so it's just plodding along very slowly. At least I'm enjoying what I'm making!

Thank you so much for asking me! I love being part of this community :)

If you're up for it, I tag: @rizaposting, @wellbehaveddolphin and @osorezanna

[bitbybitwrites]

Thanks to @forabeatofadrum and @onthewaytosomewhere for the tag!

Got a number of items I'm working on so here some bits for you: from a few WIP of mine.

1.) From the next chapter of Puppy Love (RWRB fic)

“Tia Nora is pretty fun,” Alex admitted. ”That’s why we’re best friends.”  He sighed and stared up into the sky. “I know it’s tough Raf.  Us being all the way in New York, so far from family and your other friends back in Texas.” “But Tia June is here. And I’m making friends, Papi,” Raf reassured him. “You are?” Raf nodded as he took a handful of snow and tossed it up in the air so it fluttered down on them both. “ There’s Milo and Becky and Thomas and Belle . .” “Wait, like the Disney princess?” “She told me she’s named after her grandmother.  Isabelle, I think?” “Oh.” “Those are my new friends at school.  Milo is nice.  He has glasses.  Becky shares her snack with me at lunch time.  Her mom gives her CAKE.”  Raf turned to look at his father with wide, amazed eyes. “CAKE, Papi.” Alex rolled his eyes.  “I doubt its as good as Abuelita’s Tres Leches," he sniffed. “Well, duh . . “

*****

2.) From Falling For You (Klaine fic)

“Who is Carole?” Kurt smiled and grabbed his phone to open up to a picture of his Dad and his stepmother smiling and laughing with each other.  It had been his father’s birthday and the two of them had cracked each other up with some silly joke or reference.  Kurt quickly took a picture to freeze that moment in time. “This is Carole, “ Kurt said as he showed Tracy.  “Dad met her when I was in high school.  And they fell in love and got married.  Now that doesn’t mean he forgot my mom or anything.  He just had a lot of love in his heart - enough for both of them.  Carole loves my Dad a whole lot.  She loves me just as much too.  She’s amazing.”  He leaned in a bit closer to Tracy.  “I’ll let you in on a secret.  She also makes the best cookies.  Remind me to make you some of her recipes some time.” “Like Christmas cookies?” “Exactly.” “Mr. Kurt?”   “Yes, sweetheart?” “Can I meet Carole one day?” “I think we can arrange that.” Kurt said.  “And maybe if we’re lucky, she may bring some cookies when she comes. “

****

3.) From Sanctuary (Klaine fic)

It was a good handful of time before he got to his destination, having managed to successfully slip by a number of the palace guards in the process.  Blaine was able to sneak just outside of the castle walls.  He followed a well-worn path into the wood to a small cottage hidden just a few feet hidden in the trees. In the front yard, a young woman paused in her task of hanging her wet wash to dry. She stood, she groaned, rubbing the small of her back.  As she did the swell of the growing babe in her belly protruded forward.  She smiled to herself, caressing her abdomen, forming a beautiful picture even Blaine could appreciate: her soft blond hair escaping from her kerchief, brushing her brow.  The young woman’s brown eyes danced as she spotted the princeling approaching. She dipped into as low of a curtsey as she could manage without tipping forward.  “Your Royal Highness,” she said in a soft voice.  “Good morrow.  I was wondering when you would come by this day.” Blaine smiled sheepishly as he held aloft his offering from the head cook.  “Mistress Fabray,“  he said proudly.  “I come bearing gifts!”

****

4.) Untitled Klaine Valentines 2024 Challenge fic

OK, am loving all the work I'm seeing from the folks doing the Klaine Valentines 2024 challenge set out by the @klaineccfanficlibrary

I got an idea for something, inspired by their first day song selection (Padam. by Kylie Minogue) so here's just a little bit from something I started . . The best way I could sum up this fic is this section of the story:

The young men from Dalton House weren’t just lookers.  They were well versed in everything from English Literature to economics. They could hold their own in academic debates while also using those dexterous mouths and tongues to suck your brains out of your cock.  Brains and beauty - and all of them looking for older (preferably more financially well off) “patrons.” Or so the rumors went.

So yeah, there's a bit of an age gap planned , Blaine in his mid-late 20s, Kurt in his mid-late 30s. and a bit of a Pretty Woman vibe to the story . . you know, hooker with a heart of gold type thing :)

And the selection from the fic so far:

“The auction.” Kurt’s mind puts two and two together. Elliot nods and motions towards the front of the ballroom.  Up on the stage there were three large gilded cages, each with a young man, scantily clad within them.  The boys were dancing as seductively as they could manage.  The two on the far right and far left of the stage (one brunette, and one blonde) kept throwing worried glances to one another as Dalton House patrons gathered at their feet, appraising them. “The ones on either end . . . despite flouting the refusal clause, they were caught with each other in bed.  Fraternizing with another student in contract is strictly forbidden.” Elliot said in a low voice.  “Nick and Jeff were just stupid.  I had warned them, but they weren’t careful.” Elliot shook his head. “And now I can’t protect them. They go to whoever is the highest bidder for them tonight, no matter what.” “And the boy in the center cage?” Kurt was hypnotized watching the young man sway his hips, his arms raised above his head, eyes closed to shut out the world around him.  Dark curls fell gently over his brow - curls that looked so soft, Kurt realized he wanted to run his fingers through them. “Blaine?”  Elliot sighed.  “I don’t know why he signed with Dalton, to be honest.  He just didn’t seem like the type, you know?  But again,  he refused one time too many for the administration’s liking. And now it’s come to bite him in the ass. He’s up for auction too.” “That’s . . . too bad . . “ Kurt murmured, still transfixed with watching Blaine.  Kurt couldn’t explain it - it was like the blood was rushing to fill his ears. And all he could hear was his own loud heart beat in syncopation with the music in the room: Padam, padam Padam, padam Padam, padam

OK . . tagging folks ( jump in only if you want to!) : @hkvoyage, @kirakiwiwrites, @little-escapist, @myheartalivewrites, @wordsofhoneydew, @14carrotghoul @fallevs, @spaceorphan18, @gleefulpoppet, @madas-ahatters-world, @rockitmans

[annaofthenorthernlights]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tag @firawren

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 123 (year 2021-2024)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 1,036,044

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Frozen, Beauty & The Beast (Disney 1991), a little Encanto, House of the Dragon

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Instincts – or the beast inside (E-rated, my first batb1991)

Bury me in your fur (E-rated, batb1991)

Blame it on the books (E-rated, batb1991)

The beach case (T rated, Frozen, collaborated work with @hiptoff)

Love can see the good (T-rated, my first Frozen fanfic)

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes, I do! That´s a must 😊

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don´t have angsty endings, but might happen within a fic – f.e. Fall to rise (Gaston redemption au)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? All my fics have happy endings 😊. One that means a lot to me is Never too late (Frozen, kristanna elderly residence au, where old Kristoff/Anna fall in love)

8. Do you get hate on fics? Thanks heavens no.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yep, I do! Well, not on my very first writings. The naughtiness grew along the ride 😊

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Yes, I do – and the craziest is surely All you need is love... actually (Frozen, Brave, Hercules, Moana) and Smut in space (crazily E-rated, Frozen x batb1991) - which is losely based on the legendary christmas movie "Love actually)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I pray not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I translated my own fic Boat ship into German (Boot-ship ahoi) a kristanna vacation au (rated T)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I did the collaborated fic-writing together with @hiptoff as mentioned at 4. (does that count?)

14. What’s your all time favourite ship? Anna/Kristoff, Belle/Adam (Belle/Beast)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?  "Of sweet delight in physicality" (title might change…), a hotd canon divergent au, pairing: Alicent Hightower/Laerys Strong, where Alicent and Laerys meet as kids and become friends, Alicent caring deeply for the crippled boy until they grow older and fall in love, but need to hide it due to Alicent´s fate of arranged marriage with king Viserys.

16. What are your writing strengths? Fluff, definitely fluff & dialogues (I must give credit to @hiptoff again who was my very idol for dialogues in the beginning of my writing years). And I think my descriptions of atmosphere and sceneries are draw the reader right into the middle of things (that´s what I have been told 😊)

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Angst (that´s longer than just one chapter… lol), hurt, diving into very deep feelings and just scratching at the top to get the fic going…

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I am currently working on a novel in German, but that´s mostly for Nanowrimo…

19. First fandom you wrote for? Frozen

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

That´s a hard one, because I think I love all my fanfics equally the same (seriously), but I think I am very proud on my first fanfic baby “Love can see the good” (kristanna, canon divergent au, post Frozen 2 where I wanted to tell the story of Anna/Kristoff from breaking the damn and going back to Arendelle up to Anna´s coronation and finally a kristanna wedding). And currently I am posting the sequel Love can see beyond. So, this series is my longest and hardest worked on fanfic for Anna/Kristoff and I care deeply for them.

Tagging all for fun @luthien-under-bough @hiptoff @justfrozenthings @sweetpeapod @99goosebumps @shield-agent78 @reconciledviolence729 @endlesstwanted

[daughter-of-melpomene]

🦣 for Greta?

Thank you so much for this!! Also gonna tag the rest of the Descendants gang, @manyfandomocs, @dancingsunflowers-ocs, and @ginevrastilinski-ocs!! <3

A summer trip they think of fondly: Greta’s family hasn’t really gone on a lot of vacations, but she will always look back and smile on all the times she’s spent in the summer palace of her Auntie Snow’s kingdom, playing with her cousins and going swimming in the nearby sea.

Their favorite Disney princess: Her Auntie Snow White, of course! But she’s definitely a huge fan of Ben’s mom, the amazing Queen Belle, as well.

The first song they would dance to with their partner at their wedding: Greta would absolutely let Evie be in charge of pretty much all the wedding planning, including their first dance song, so it would likely wind up being “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Haley Reinhart.

If they have tattoos or piercings: She has three piercings in each ear, and would definitely like to get a tattoo once she’s eighteen.

The scariest moment in their life: When she realized her Auntie Snow was actually at Ben’s coronation, reporting, and would be in direct danger once the plan to steal the wand succeeded. Up until this moment, she hadn’t connected the dots that this plan would actually hurt people she cared about if she and the VKs completed it, but she realized it then and it terrified her.

If they would break the law: Oh, she absolutely would. It wouldn’t even need to be a for a “good” cause, she’d probably break Auradonian law just for fun.

Their favorite reality show (because everyone secretly has one): She does have a secret love for The Real Housewives of Auradon, especially the very first season, which her Auntie Snow was on.

If they have a favorite chore: Growing up in the palace of the Summerlands, she’s never really had to do chores.

If they like being in pictures and what faces they make in them: Oh, she hates being in pictures, especially selfies, and Evie is the only one who can ever get her to smile for them - otherwise you’re definitely going to get her with a deep scowl on her face.

If they get along with kids: Although she does have a soft spot for kids, she’s not necessarily good with them; she’s a lot softer with them than with older people, but she also tends to be pretty awkward around them.

send me 🦣 + an oc!!

[jjunberry]

ATTENTION! — Part 3 ✎

Y/n quickly put her phone away as Beomgyu walked into the store. His eyes found her and he smiled. She smiled back. “Hi Y/nie.” She waved. “Hi Gyu.” Her voice was small. His words sitting in the back of her mind. Of course he apologized and of course she forgave him. Yeonjun was not happy about it. However she didn’t care because her Beomgyu was back. Her sweet, kind and loving Beomgyu.

“Not that I don’t mind but why are you here today?” She asked picking at her nail polish. His hands swatted her fingers. “Stop that, and I’m here because I feel bad still, I can’t have my best friend upset with me.” Her heart swelled in her chest at his act. He did care about her. “I’m not upset with you Gyu.” He smiled. “I know you aren’t you loveeeee me to much to be.”

If only he knew how true his words actually were. Beomgyu joined her behind the counter. “Where’s Hana?” She couldn’t help but ask. Beomgyu looked over towards her. “I don’t know, don’t really care either I’m so over her.” Y/n’s eyes widened. “What happened?” Beomgyu sighed hugging Y/n and swaying her side to side. Her arms wrapped around him. “That doesn’t matter Y/nie, but if you need to know she had a boyfriend the whole time.”

For the rest of the day Y/n didn’t ask Beomgyu anymore questions. The day went on as normal. Beomgyu’s random hugs. Asking her to do things for him while he sat on his phone. Y/n should have been mad but she just couldn’t bring herself to be. Beomgyu was being nice again and Hana was gone. She was going to enjoy her sweet bestfriend while he was around.

Around 12pm the little bell above the door rang. Without looking Y/n greeted the costumer. “Hi welcome to games, games, games.” She looked up when the person spoke back. “You don’t seem happy today.” Taehyun stood in front of the counter. Y/n smiled. “Hi Taehyun, what brings you in today?”

He returned her smile. “I’m looking for another game to stream. Resident Evil was a lot of fun and my viewers are liking the horror games.” “Any suggestions?” Y/n was buzzing with joy she loved suggesting games especially horror games.

“I have so many oh my, where do I begin.” Y/n began to ramble which caught Beomgyu’s attention. He sat back and listened he didn’t like how Taehyun was looking at her.

“I really like Silent Hill, however they are older so not the best graphics.” Taehyun nodded. “Do you have any of them?” Y/n nodded grabbing Taehyun’s arm she dragged him towards the horror section. Her eyes grazed over the display cases. Taehyun watched her in aw.

“Y/nie can you stock this last box of switch games? My arms are soooo tired.” Beomgyu interrupted the two. “I’m helping someone give me a second.” Y/n answered not even looking at Beomgyu. He didn’t like that. Not one bit. He stomped his foot.

“Y/nie I need you to unpack this box.” His voice was stern. Taehyun stared at the two as they locked eyes with each other. He felt unwelcomed. “Beomgyu let me help this costumer first.” Y/n tried again.

“No Y/n, Its unprofessional to flirt with customers, especially when I am here! How do you think that makes me feel? I need your help Y/nie and you treat me this way.” His words sunk into her stomach. She hated when Beomgyu was upset because of her.

“I’ll just go. Thanks for the help Y/n.” Taehyun’s voice interrupted. Y/n looked at him sadly. “I see you’re spoken for.” Y/n’s heart was in her stomach. Taehyun dropped the copy of Silent Hill and left quickly.

Y/n picked up the game and stared at it with tears in her waterline. “Y/nie you know I hate when you cry, unpack the box and I’ll forgive you.” Y/n nodded.

She silently unpacked and stocked the games. For the rest of the day Beomgyu was extra nice to her and appreciated her acts of service. The only thing on her mind was Taehyun’s look of betrayal.

She was angry, sad and most importantly she was on cloud nine because Beomgyu walked her home and kissed her cheek goodbye.

masterlist

tag list! @jjunieworld @304files @run2seob @gyutarling @hhoneylix

author’s note! thank you for all the love this au is getting it means alot <333

love, Echo🖤

© jjunberry

[m-jelly]

Learning to blossom - Chapter 1

Stunning banner created by the wonderful @ladycheesington 💕

Pairing: Levi x Fem!Reader

Genre and tags: Romance, fluff, modern AU, Uni AU, confessions, tattooed Levi, drama, flustered Levi.

Fic concept: You and Levi fall in love after spending so much time together in lectures. As the two of you date, you experience a lot of firsts together such as this being Levi's first-ever relationship and you both are virgins. You face a lot of difficulties, such as a guy who won't leave you alone and spreads rumours about you. A few girls want to be Levi's girlfriend instead of you. A professor of yours seems to be a bit too handsy with you. You both go through different phases of your relationship during your three years at university such as getting a house with friends, graduation, what the future holds, and what you want in your relationship. You both grow together and throughout everything that happens, you love each other so deeply and stay strong.

Chapter: You meet Levi at a party and feelings spark away. You and Levi meet again in a lecture and hit it off. Levi saves you from unwanted advances again and takes you to lunch. You and Levi get closer to each other as sparks fly again. After a month of spending every day together due to doing the same subject as Levi, you both take the plunge and go with your feelings.

Notes: Due to my living in the UK, a lot of university life is inspired by the subjects I took and the life there for me and others. I will sprinkle a bit of USA university life in, but due to my knowledge and experience of that side being from movies and TV shows, I don't want to misrepresent it. Also, Levi plays a popular sport in the UK called rugby, I chose this because I know about it and know nothing about American football. Note for American readers, when I mention football I mean soccer for you. Hope all this helps! If you have questions place them in my comments.

AO3 link

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 The end

You were not too sure about this all, but your hallmates were adamant that you had to go. So, you were trying your best to dress nicely and put on some makeup. You were just going to go, socialise a bit and then go home. You just really weren’t in the mood for it all, but you needed to make some friends.

You perked up when someone lightly knocked on your room door. You opened it to reveal your neighbour across from you. Athena was so tall compared to you and had muscles too. She had a cheeky smile, always had plasters on her from cuts and her hair was a beautiful orange with the left side shaven and the right side long. She was a beautiful woman and could break anyone easily.

Athena grinned at you and leaned in your doorway. “Sup little cupcake. Woah, you look hot as hell. You aiming to impress?”

You gasped. “Is it too much?”

“Nah, cupcake. You look sexy.” She winked at you. “You’re bell of the ball. Maybe I should run off with ya.”

You giggled. “That’d be fun. Knowing you we’d get up to no good.”

“You’re right.” She shoved her hands into her baggy trouser pockets. “You ready?”

You hummed and checked. “Yeah, I’m good.”

She pointed to your bag. “You ain’t gonna need that. All the drinks are there. Unless you need it?”

You released a long sigh. “Call it a safety blanket.”

“Ah” she tapped the side of her nose “I get ya.” She stepped out of the way as you locked up your room. “You wanna grab coffee tomorrow and explore?”

You nodded and hummed in response. “Please.” You turned to Athena and smiled. “Hey, thanks for being so nice to me and supportive. It means so much to me that you’ve been a friend.”

She slung her arm over your shoulders and smiled. “Don’t mention it. You’re the only interesting person on this floor. The rest of these people are idiots.” She smiled. “You’re cool. You play games and you’re studying criminology.”

You blushed a little and smiled a bit at the annoyed-looking girls living in your hall as you passed. Athena told it like it is and didn’t apologise for anything. You felt safe with her, so you were more than happy to go to a party with her. You knew you were going to have a good time and at least there was someone to talk to. A lot of the time you’d go out with people and they’d just abandon you and you’d get lonely.

You winced a little at the heavy base music getting louder as you approached the halls filled with guys. You saw people hanging around outside the bottom floor halls, along with others sitting in windows. You felt your nerves seeping in as you got closer to the party. The closer you got, the more you didn’t want to be there.

Athena gave you a wiggle. “Cheer up cupcake. We’ll have a few drinks and then leave.”

You released a long sigh. “Yeah.”

She pulled you inside and past the crowded halls until you slipped into the communal kitchen. “Drink?”

You hugged yourself and nodded. “Sure.”

You looked around the room and felt a few stares. You felt as if you were meat up for grabs. You hated it so much. You noticed a guy with arched primed eyebrows, neatly tamed hair, sly eyes with an amber colour, and a thin smirk. He was handsome to most people and likely rich by the looks of his clothes. He was tall and lean with muscle and kept talking to the women around him that he was playing for the university football team.

You wrinkled your nose up in response and only felt irritated by him. You didn’t really want anything to do with a guy like him. You knew the type. He’d sleep around with as many women as possible and didn’t give a shit about them. You hated his kind and just wanted to keep to yourself. Guys like him equalled drama and you just wanted to have a nice three years at uni.

Your blood ran cold when he kept glancing over at you. You were beginning to panic and you were trying your best not to lock eyes. You glared at Athena, but she was still waiting to get drinks. You were slowly leaning towards full panic mode. You fiddled with your clothes as you felt him moving closer to you. You closed your eyes tightly and prayed to whoever was listening to help you.

“Tch, oi?”

You opened your eyes and gazed up at a man in a tight white top, leather jacket and tight black jeans. Your cheeks burned at his slightly tamed messy thick raven hair that was long on his neck. He had little earrings in his ears and you saw a bit of tattoo showing under his jacket. His grey-blue eyes were piercing as they took you in. You shivered when you saw how muscular he was due to his white top stretching over his chest.

He reached up and rubbed the lovely raven locks on the back of his neck. “You wanna come over to the side with my friends?” His cheeks burned a little as he got nervous. “So you uh don’t feel alone.”

You nodded. “Please. I just don’t want to be jumped on by some weirdo.”

He walked with you to the corner of the room where two people were hanging out. “I’m guessing you’re referring to the guy who has a rod up his ass? He’s Reuben and he’s on the university football team. He likes everyone to know. Tch, guys got a personality of football and law.”

You stopped walking and hummed. “He seems like an asshole to me.”

“He is.” He offered his hand. “Levi.”

You shook his hand and gave him your name. “My friend over there is Athena. We won’t be here long because I’d rather be at home wrapped up in a blanket.”

“Sounds nice. I’d prefer that.”

The woman next to him smirked. “He’d prefer to join you!” She offered her hand as Levi shouted at her. “HI! I’m Hange.”

You laughed and shook her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

She winked at you. “You too.”

The big blonde offered his hand. “Mike. Our friend Erwin couldn’t make it tonight, but he’d love to meet you.”

You smiled softly. “Nice to meet all of you.”

Athena strolled over. “Fuck me that took forever. Here you are cupcake.”

You took your cup and smiled. “Appreciate it.” You sipped your drink as everyone introduced themselves. You smiled at your new tall friends chatting away. You felt a gaze on you and noticed Levi kept looking at you. You smiled at him making him blush and look away. You tugged on Athena’s shirt and smiled. “I’m going outside for five minutes.”

Athena winked at you. “Sure thing. Text me if you need me.”

You waved to her and moved through the massive crowds until you got outside. You released a sigh and shook off your anxieties as best as you could. You ruffled your hair and looked around you. You glanced to the side to see Reuben was outside too. You turned away and groaned in annoyance. You pulled your phone out and checked it. You pouted a moment but someone walking over to you made you stiffen up.

You turned and stared up at Reuben. You wrinkled your nose up at the strong cologne coming from him. “Can I help you?”

He lit a cigarette and blew the smoke to the side away from you. “You looked lonely.”

You wafted the air around you. “Just needed fresh air, but you’re kind of making it not.”

He sucked his teeth a little. “My bad. I can’t smoke inside so I have to do it out here.”

You hummed as you stared at the cigarette between his fingers. “Maybe you should quit? It’ll be better for you and you won’t be messing with people’s nice air.” You coughed a little. “Plus, I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t smoke if you’re a footballer.”

He smirked at you. “You know I’m a footballer?”

“Well, it’s hard to miss when you’ve been telling everyone at this party.”

He chuckled. “You’re a spunky little thing, aren’t you?”

You let out a long sigh. “I don’t want to sound rude, but I kind of want a moment to myself.”

He flicked his smoke making the ash tumble. “Am I that bad? Come on, I’m a handsome guy. Just talk to me a bit.”

“No thanks.”

He moved closer. “Come on, let’s talk.”

“No thank you.”

He reached for you. “Come on-. AH! Ow!”

Levi had grabbed Reuben’s hand and bent it backwards causing the cry of pain. “Tch, she said no.”

Reuben winced. “All right! Now let go of me you animal.”

Levi released Reuben and stood between him and you. “Back off and accept the no.”

He chuckled a little and flicked his cigarette at Levi. It bounced off Levi’s incredible chest and dropped to the floor. “Whatever man. You can have her for now.”

“She doesn’t belong to anyone. Fuck, you’re a dick.” Levi flipped him off as the rich pretty boy walked away. “Fuck him.” He turned to you. “You okay?”

You nodded shyly. “Yeah.”

He pulled his leather jacket off and put it around your shoulders and revealed his left arm had tattoos on it. “I’m glad. Try and stay away from him. I know we all started uni a few days ago, but we’re all aware of him.” He blushed. “Not that I’m telling you what to do…”

You reached over and held his soft warm hand with rough parts. “Thank you.”

Levi blushed hard at the sweet contact. “Y-You’re welcome.”

You squeezed his hand and held it for a moment before releasing it. “You’re a nice guy. Thank you for your kindness.”

“CUPCAKE!” Athena ran over to you. “You all right? Do I need to break a face?”

You shook your head. “Levi helped me.”

Athena smirked at the man. “I appreciate it. There should be more guys like you.”

Levi cleared his throat. “I just…I wanted to help.”

Athena pulled you against her body and held you with one arm. “Thank you. You know, we might head back.”

You wiggled out of your friend’s arms and pulled the jacket off. “Here Levi, thanks.”

Levi took his jacket back. “Any time. Do you want escorting back?”

Athena shook her head. “I got this.” She waved and walked with you. “See you soon!”

You waved shyly to Levi. “See you soon.”

Levi waved to you. “Yeah, see ya…” He sighed and mumbled. “Hope so…”

You gripped your bag strap and ran as fast as you could through the halls as you looked at the doors with the room numbers on. Your heart was racing and you were filled with panic at possibly being late for your first lecture. To be late on your first day was a nightmare for you. You could feel the lump in your throat forming ready for a cry.

You’d gotten up on time, but you had gotten distracted by some drama in your hall between some girls. You settled everyone down but realised you needed to get to the lecture fast. You hurried to lecture and realised you didn’t have your phone on you, so you stopped and thought if you should go back, but then you chose to keep going. Your lecture was more important than having your phone for the day.

You carefully pushed the door open and peeked inside the small lecture room that had only ten rows of seats. You blushed a bit when you saw people chatting and the lecture hadn’t even started yet. You hurried inside and walked up the stairs and down an empty row. You pulled your seat down and plopped yourself down as you sighed in relief.

“Tch, you’re late.”

You turned your head to see Levi was sat in the row behind you. “Oh, hello Levi.”

He leaned his chin on his hand and covered his mouth a little. “Surprised you’re here. You in the right place?”

You gulped hard. “Ethics?” You stared at Levi as his gaze bore into you. “Am I in the wrong place?”

Levi smirked behind his hand at how adorable you were. “You’re in the right place. This is ethics.”

You let out a long sigh. “Thank goodness. Jeez, you are a tease.”

“I like to joke around.”

You giggled. “You got me.”

He hummed as he studied you in your cute jumper. “What are you studying?”

“Uh, criminology.”

Levi blushed a little. “Same. Tch, means I’m stuck with you.”

You laughed. “I guess so.”

He frowned in thought. “Why were you close to being late?”

“There was some drama in my hall and I helped sort it out. However, it meant I was delayed and I forgot my phone.”

Levi hummed and felt a bit sorry for you. You were too nice for your own good, so he was thinking he needed to protect you as much as possible. He flicked his gaze around the room to see Reuben casually walking in and had his eyes on you. Levi needed to act. “Mind if I sit next to you?”

You shook your head. “No, I don’t mind.” You squeaked when Levi jumped over the seats and sat next to you. “Oh wow.”

He grabbed his bag and put it next to him. “Tch, thanks.”

You got what you needed out and smiled at Levi. “So, what are your plans?”

“For today or life?”

You blushed as you felt embarrassed. Levi was too hot for his own good, he was funny and rather kind. "I uh...I meant...well...”

He pulled his leather jacket off and sighed. “Well, for today I just have this lecture and then later I have training.”

You perked up at his words. “Training?”

He rubbed the back of his neck as he blushed. “I play rugby.”

You gasped in delight and shuffled closer to Levi. “You play rugby? That’s so cool! I enjoy watching it and played a bit in secondary school.” Your cheeks burned. “Oh, sorry I’m getting a bit…sorry…I’ll be quiet.”

Levi frowned at your response. “Why?”

You cleared your throat. “I was told once that I talk too much.”

He shook his head. “Tch, don’t listen to that piece of shit. You’re perfect.” He inhaled quickly and blushed hard. “I uh…what I mean is…”

You reached over and placed your hand on his. “Thank you.”

He gulped hard and squeezed your hand back. “You’re welcome.” He looked up to see Reuben moving over and taking a seat in front of you. “Tch, what do you want?”

Reuben smirked at Levi. “Simply taking a seat in front of my new friends.”

“You’re not my friend.”

Reuben narrowed his eyes at Levi before turning his head to you. “What about us? We’re friends, right?”

You clenched up a little. “I ah.”

Your professor entered the room and introduced himself. He asked all of you to refer to him by his first name from now on. He smiled and looked at everyone. “Now, I know the first weeks of university are a bit awkward. So, I want you to make friends. I want you to have a study and work buddy. The person next to you will be your partner for the rest of the semester.”

You looked over at Levi and felt bad. “Sorry, you’re stuck with me.”

Levi covered his mouth with his hand and hid his smile. “Don’t be sorry. I’m happy to work with you.”

“Really? I’m glad.”

Reuben raised his hand. “I think our class isn’t even. So, could I join a pair?”

The professor sighed. “I suppose. Pick anyone.”

He looked at you. “These two. I’ll work with them.”

“All right! Now we have our groups, let’s get to the lecture.”

You made notes as your professor chatted and informed you what the plans were for the semester. You sat there for a while and enjoyed yourself, you were looking forward to your three years at uni. You glanced over at Levi now and then and saw he was transfixed by the lecture as well. You’d both blush when you caught each other’s gazes.

Near the end of the lecture, you huffed a bit causing Levi to look over. “I’m hungry.”

Levi leaned over and whispered back. “Hungry?”

You nodded. “I was planning on bringing like a little bag of snacks with me, but I got so sidetracked with the girls that I just…” You hugged yourself. “I need food.”

“Did you have breakfast?”

You pouted a little. “No…you gonna tell me off?”

He shook his head. “No, why would I? I didn’t have breakfast either.” He blushed hard. “Do uh…”

Reuben turned to you as the lecture ended. “You, me and a lunch date.”

You strained a smile. “I ah…well…”

He looked your up and down and smirked. “You will be having the salad and water, of course, nothing else. What do you think?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You’re not?” He tilted his head and eyed you again. “Really?”

You hugged yourself a little. “Y-Yeah.”

He hummed and pulled his phone out. “How about I get your number then?”

You packed your things. “I don’t have my phone on me.”

“Look, if you aren’t interested and don’t want to, just say. Don’t lie and beat around the fucking bush. God, you women can be frustrating.”

Levi growled. “She forgot her fucking phone. She was late to this lecture because she forgot it. I bet you were late because you were busy kicking out that girl you took back to your room last night!”

Reuben went white. “I…you…you’re a dick.”

You stood up with tears in your eyes. “I’m…bye.” You ran off away from both men. Levi was wonderful, but Reuben was so judgemental. You leaned against a wall and wiped your tears. “Fuck.” You heard someone getting closer to you. You sniffed back your tears and smiled at Levi. “Hey, Levi.”

Levi leaned his side against the wall and shielded you from others. “You hungry? I want to eat something massive. We can go for ramen, dim sum, tacos, sushi, burgers or pizza.” He frowned. “No fucking salads, okay? I don’t care much for them.”

You sniffed and laughed a little. “That sounds nice.”

“I’m going to be eating a lot, so I need an eating buddy.”

You cleared your throat. “I can do that.”

He pushed from the wall. “I’m letting you choose this time, but next it’s my choice.”

You walked with Levi through the halls and out of the building as you thought. “How about sushi?”

“Sounds great.” He put his hands in his pockets and walked with you across campus to the sushi place. “This will be my treat.”

You sat down next to the little conveyor with sushi on. “Treat? Oh, but I can pay.”

Levi grabbed some sushi off the belt and ordered some tea for two. “You’ve just had a shitty conversation that made you cry, so I want to cheer you up.” He blushed a little. “You don’t mind, do you?”

You shook your head. “No, I don’t mind. I’ll accept this nice offer.”

“Good.” He waited for the tea to be put down before pouring you a cup. “Go ahead, grab the sushi you want.”

You hummed as you looked at went past and grabbed a few things. “Thanks.”

Levi ate in silence for a while before speaking to you. “Why did you lie to him?” He gulped when you locked your pretty eyes with his. “About being hungry. Most girls have been falling all over him.”

You shrugged. “I just got this vibe from him. When I first saw him I knew he was the type to sleep around, brag about it and spread rumours. I just want my time at uni to go well. I don’t want drama and he’s like drama central.”

He wiped his mouth and hummed. “I couldn’t agree more. A nice relaxing time at uni would be good.” His cheek burned as he went for it. “So, how is your boyfriend coping? You know with you being here?”

You laughed as you poured two new cups of tea. “I have no boyfriend, but it’s cute of you to think. I’m single and no, I’m not recently broken up either. It’s been like a year since my last relationship.” You downed some of your tea. “What about you?” You saw Levi’s cheeks burn bright red. “Levi? Have you never been in a relationship?”

He groaned and looked away from you. “Is that bad?”

You shook your head. “No! No, there’s nothing wrong with it.”

He released a long sigh. “I just…I have a single mother and we’ve never had much money, so I often worked part-time while studying at school. I was so focused on helping out that I never got the chance to date.”

“Well, you’re a handsome guy who is smart, kind, funny and caring. I know for sure you’ll find a lovely…” You stared at Levi for a while.

Levi flinched a bit. “Girls, I like girls.”

“Just checking.” You cleared your throat. “Anyway, you’re the total package. Any woman will be lucky to date you.”

He hummed and looked at his sushi. “Thanks. M-Maybe I’ll g-give dating a chance here.”

You blushed a little. “It’s getting a bit late and you have training. I’m taking too much of your time.”

“You’re not taking up my time, but yeah I do have training.” He stood up and paid for lunch.

You hurried next to Levi and walked with him. “Hey, so could you escort me back to my room?”

Levi blushed at the thought. “Sure.” He put his hands in his pockets and walked with you. “Are you warm enough?”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

He hummed a little. “Good.”

You smiled at Levi. “Why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself.”

Levi perked up and started talking about his mother, his two friends back at home, his friends that came to university with him, his past rugby teams with schools and the things he was into. You both discovered you had a lot in common and you made each other laugh. Your chat went so nicely that when you got to your room Levi walked in and you offered him a seat at your desk.

Levi looked over at your tv and gaming set-up. “A nerd, huh?”

You blushed. “A bit.”

He hummed and smiled a little. “I could never afford my own, but I would play on one at my friend’s place.”

You grabbed your phone that had been charging this whole time. “Well, if you ever want to play games again, you can come over and play something.” You blushed. “Th-That’s if you want to.”

Levi gave you a tiny smile. “That’d be cool.” He looked at the phone in your hand. “Can I have that?”

“Huh?”

He reached towards you. “Your phone.”

You looked at your phone. “What about it?”

He blushed. “I ah…I got this wrong. Let me word this better.” He cleared his throat. “C-Could I-I have your n-number?”

You smiled. “Yes. Oh, wait!” You unlocked your phone and changed your lock screen and background picture to not be a character you simped for. “Here.”

Levi took your phone and added his number. “Thanks.” He gave you his phone. “Only add your number if you want to.”

You tapped your number in and saved it to his phone. “There, you have my number.”

He took his phone and blushed hard. He waited a bit as he processed his feelings. He was nervous but relaxed. He was excited but calm. You made him feel so many things and he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He looked up at you and blushed hard at how cute you were. He ruffled his messy hair as he tried to think of something to say to you. He frowned when his phone pinged to see you’d texted him. He opened the text and smiled at the little emoji you sent him.

Levi hummed a laugh. “Thanks.”

You blushed. “So, do you want me to walk you to your training?”

Levi stood up. “Ah, no I can walk there.”

You stood up and gazed into his wonderful steel-blue eyes. “I’ll walk you out then.”

“S-Sure.” He walked at your side as girls in your hall watched. Levi thought it was because of the stern look he had that people were staring at, but really it was because he was a muscular bad boy. He stopped by the outer door and turned to you. “I’ll see you in lectures tomorrow.” He gulped hard. “T-Text me?”

You nodded. “I will. When does training end?”

“In about two hours.”

“I’ll text you then.”

Levi waved to you and walked towards the locker rooms. He frowned when his phone pinged again. He looked down and smiled at your text saying good luck at training. Levi felt his heart flutter and worked extra hard during his practice because you gave him a spark. After he was done you texted him again asking if everything went well. He texted you right back with a gentle smile on his face.

Athena smirked as you sat on her bed smiling at your phone. She was happy that you’d been at university for a month and you were smiling happily at something. “You texting Levi?”

You dropped your phone and blushed hard. “N-No.”

She hummed a laugh. “I don’t know why you two haven’t been on a date yet. He takes you out to lunch after lectures.”

You released a long sigh. “He’s been busy with practice and training. So, all his free time is gone.”

“Oh and he spends all the time he does have with you! So romantic.”

You groaned a little. “It’s not like that…he’s just…he’s nice and we both do criminology. It’s just that.” You nibbled your lip as your bad thoughts seeped in. “Besides, he wouldn’t be interested in a girl like me.”

Athena turned her chair around and glared at you. “You really have no clue how cute you are, do you?”

You gulped hard. “I just…I don’t know…”

She stood up and smiled. “I think you need a drink. Why don’t you ask Levi if he’s free and we’ll all go for a drink?”

“But.”

She leaned down and looked you in the eyes. “I’ll be there. We’ll make it a group thing and it’ll mean you’re not alone and you can relax a little.”

You nodded and picked up your phone. “I’ll text him.”

“Nooo, you’ll call him.”

You gripped your phone tightly before selecting Levi’s name. “Okay, I’ll call.” You dialled Levi as your heart raced in your chest. “H-Hi Levi?” You winced at your voice catching. “Sorry, so umm…are you free?”

Levi walked around the locker room in just a towel as his friends laughed and shouted. He ruffled his hair and felt his heart race at your cute shy voice. “I’m free. I just finished practice. Are you okay?”

“I’m great.” You nibbled your nail. “I uh…how was practice?”

Athena smacked your arm a few times and angrily whispered. “Ask him damn it!”

Levi walked to a quiet spot. “It went well, thanks.”

You smacked Athena back. “Do you have any plans tonight?”

Levi’s cheeks burned red. “N-No. I-I don’t.”

You locked eyes with Athena as she mouthed to you what to ask. “Well, how about we go out for drinks? You know, all of us?”

Levi looked at his friends and winced a little at how annoying some of them might be, but he also really wanted to spend time with you outside of uni. “Sure. We’ll meet you at the university-run bar in about an hour.”

You gave Athena a thumbs up making her dance around her room and shake her bum in your face. “Great. We’ll see you in an hour.” You ended the call and flopped against the bed. “This is a disaster! I don’t know what to wear!”

Athena rubbed your back. “It’ll be okay cupcake.” She slapped your bum hard making you scream. “Come on sexy! Let me help you out.”

You sat up and huffed. “Fine, fine.”

She yanked you against her buff frame and grinned. “Let this stylish nerd dress you!”

You let your computer science nerdy friend drag you out of her room and into yours. You watched her rummage through your wardrobe until she grabbed the things she wanted. “I’m not sure about that dress.”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s a bit revealing with the boobs.”

She walked up to you. “You have incredible boobs. So, flaunt them.”

You released a long sigh. “Okay. I’ll trust you.” You changed into the dress and you blushed a little. You picked thigh-high socks instead of tights and a nice little cardigan. “This okay?”

Athena purred at you. “Looking like a little cupcake I wanna eat.”

You blushed. “Athena…”

She hummed a laugh. “Trust me. If I wanna devour you then Levi totally will.”

You grabbed your bag and sighed. “Are you changing?”

“Nah, I’m good. You’re the one who should impress.”

You blushed and walked with your friend. “You think he’ll like this?”

She put her arm around you. “I think he will love it so much he’ll kiss you.”

“A-Ah no! I d-don’t think so.” You walked outside with her and towards the bar. “He’s probably not into me. I’m just a friend to him. We sit next to each other in every lecture. We get lunch every day.” You saw Athena grinning. “Friends do all that!”

“Uh-huh. Oh, and friends totally drop everything to text you back too even when they’re busy.”

You sighed as she opened the door. “I really think you’re reading too much into his actions.”

“So why is the grumpy guy smiling and waving?”

You blushed as Levi stood in a booth with a gentle smile as he waved to you. You waved back as your heart throbbed. “He’s cute.”

Athena pushed you along. “You two are cute together. Just go for it, okay?”

You nodded and moved over to Levi and his three friends. “Hey.” You smiled at another tall blonde. “You must be Erwin! Lovely to meet you finally.”

Erwin shook your hand. “You too. I’ve heard so much about you.”

Levi blushed hard. “Tch, oi eyebrows, stop.”

You giggled. “Well, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Can I get you a drink?”

You nibbled your lip. “I’ll get it.”

He put his arm around you. “Let me treat you.” He blushed and locked eyes with a grinning Athena. “Can I get you something?”

Athena held her hands up. “I’ll get mine. I just want to chat with your friends for a bit.”

Levi gulped hard as he took you all in. He thought the dress looked incredible on you. “You uh…you look cute.”

You smiled a little as your heart fluttered in your chest. “Thank you.”

Levi moved you to the bar. “What would you like?”

You blushed a little and looked at the menu. “I uh…a cocktail? I’ll have the pina colada.”

Levi nodded. “Can I get a pina colada and a black Russian?”

You smiled as the bartender made the drinks. “I like white Russians.”

Levi looked down at you. “They’re pretty good. So, you like cocktails then?”

“I do.” You frowned a little. “Didn’t think you were a cocktail drinker.”

“I am. That bad?”

You shook your head. “No, it just means I have someone to take with me to a cocktail bar.”

He smiled a little. “I’d be happy to go with you.”

“Awesome.” You gazed at Levi as he blushed. “You have a mark on your cheek.” You reached over and lightly touched his cheek. “Are you okay?”

He hummed in response. “I’m okay. I got knocked by someone’s elbow.”

You moved closer and gasped. “It must hurt. Have you put anything on it?”

Levi blushed at you worrying about him and tending to him. “I ah…yeah. I put some ointment on it.” He leaned his cheek against your hand. “Thank you for worrying about me.”

You smiled a little as your heart raced. “How can I not worry? You’re important to me.”

Levi’s eyes widened. “I am?”

The bartender put the drinks down. “You two are a cute couple! What a lovely thing to see!”

You grabbed your drink. “Th-thank you.”

Levi blushed at you not denying anything. “Y-Yeah, thanks.” He cleared his throat and paid before walking with you back to the booth. “After you.”

You slipped in first and pressed up against the wall. You blushed as Levi sat next to you. You fiddled with your glass as everyone chatted. You joined in a bit but all you could focus on was Levi’s warm body next to you and the wonderful lemon scent that was drifting from him. You looked over at him to see he kept looking down at you.

You moved your gaze to his lap to see his left hand resting on his thigh next to you was clenched and twitching, almost like he wanted to do something but stopped himself. You took in a deep breath and bit the bullet. You reached over with your right hand and placed your hand on Levi’s. You blushed when he flinched at your touch, so you pulled your hand away.

Levi had been desperate to hold your hand this whole time. Your smell was intoxicating and sweet. He was so flustered by you and wanted so badly to hold your hand. He flinched when he felt your feathery touch on his hand. He saw you looked embarrassed and sad at his reaction. He panicked at possibly losing his chance. He reached for you and grabbed your hand before you pulled away for good.

Levi blushed as he held your wrist tightly. He felt like a deer in headlights. He ran his hand down your palm and then entwined his fingers with yours. He gave you a side glance to see you were smiling with an adorable blush on your cheeks. He gave your hand a little squeeze before running his thumb over your skin. He felt soothed by your touch even his heart was racing just a little bit.

Erwin and Athena got the drinks for everyone due to being sat at the end of the booth. You passed your card down when needed. Levi paid mostly for your drinks, but you managed to twist his arm and let you pay. Eventually, you needed the toilet and Levi said he did too. He let go of your hand and walked with you to the toilets. When you left Levi was waiting for you and looked a little nervous.

You smiled as you approached him. “You okay Levi?”

He nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. “So uh…about the umm hand holding…”

You blushed as you played with your dress. “R-Right.” You looked up as Levi leaned closer to kiss you, but you both ended up banging your heads. “Ow.”

Levi rubbed his head. “Tch, shit s-sorry.”

You giggled. “It’s okay.”

“I was trying to kiss you and fucked up.”

You blushed. “You wanted to kiss me?”

He stopped rubbing his head and blushed. “Y-Yeah.” His eyes darted around as the nerves seeped in. “I uh…I like you. I like you more than a friend. I-I’ve never liked someone as much as this before, so this is all new to me. A-All I know is I want to be your boyfriend a-and spoil you, t-take care of you, h-have a lot of firsts with you a-and um…just be with you.” He held his hands up. “O-Only if y-you want to.”

You walked up to Levi and held his hands. You squeezed them tightly and smiled softly. “I like you more than a friend too. I would like to be your girlfriend if you’ll have me.”

“I would really like that.”

You giggled. “Well then, I guess we’re a couple.”

He hummed a laugh as he lightly smiled. “I want to do this better, so…may I kiss you?”

You nodded shyly and leaned up to him. Your lips softly grazed his causing a tingle to begin in your lips. You shivered at his warm breath against your sensitive skin. You hummed as he kissed you gently, as if he was a bit scared you might break or run. When Levi realised you wanted this, he pressed his lips against yours with more purpose.

He tilted his head to the side and released your hands. He slowly slid his hands along your back and tugged you against his muscular body. You ran your hands up his chest and clung to him a little bit. He felt his heart race in his chest at kissing you. He’d never really kissed anyone before except for when a random girl kissed him when he was a kid, but he’d never had a real kiss. You were truly his first in everything.

You felt so adored in this kiss. It seemed so innocent but with a hint of desire. You felt truly cared for by this sweet man. He might have looked like he was a beast of a man, but really he was a sweet stuttering sweetheart who’d barely had romance in his life. You felt so much love from this man. You felt special and you knew you were going to do everything in your power to treasure this adorable bad boy.

You pulled from Levi’s lips and blushed a little. “Wow.”

Levi sighed. “You can say that again. That was my first real kiss.” He gripped your waist. “W-was it okay?”

You nodded. “It was more than okay! It was perfect.” You nibbled your lip. “Do…do you still want me? I mean, a kiss can change things.”

“I really want you.” He tapped his forehead against yours. “I-I want to take you on a d-date. I-I was thinking this S-Saturday? I uh have n-no practice.”

You smiled. “I’d love that. Oh, um…could I come to practice sometimes? I would like to watch.”

Levi groaned as his heart was close to bursting in his chest at how adorable you were. “Y-Yes. You can come.”

“Thank you.” You hummed a laugh. “I can’t wait to watch. I will come to your matches as well.”

“You’ll be my lucky charm.”

You laughed a little. “I don’t know about that.”

He held your hand and walked with you back to that table. His friends and Athena noticed the hand-holding but never said a thing about it and let you be. You all joked and laughed together and had a few more drinks before you decided to make the five-minute walk back to the halls. Levi waved to his friends and took you to your room.

Athena leaned against her door opposite yours. “Night you two! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t doooo.”

You blushed a little as she fell into her room. “I’m sorry about that.”

Levi ruffled his hair. “My friends will rip into me when I get back.”

“Ah, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be” he leaned against the door and smiled at you “they’re happy for me most likely, they’re just a joking bunch.” He blushed when you gave him a little peck on the lips. “Ah…uh…thank you.”

You blushed. “Kiss of courage.”

“I feel brave already.”

You hummed a little laugh. “Thank you for walking me back. You didn’t need to.”

He reached towards you and shifted your hair. “I wanted to.”

“I should walk you to the door.”

“Oh, but I walked you to your room door.”

You held his hand. “Maybe I want to spend more time with you.”

He led you to the door out of the hall and smiled. “I’m glad.” He stopped by the door. “Tch, this damn hallway should be longer.” He turned to you and kissed you. “I’ll text you.”

You nodded. “I’d like that. We uh, have lectures tomorrow, so I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He squeezed your hand before releasing it. “See you tomorrow.”

You waved to him. “Bye.” You hummed a laugh when he didn’t leave. “Levi.”

He leaned closer. “Sorry, one last kiss.” He kissed you and smiled. “Better. Okay, see you.”

You waved to him and watched him go down the stairs to the outside door. “Bye.”

[elizaellwrites]

WIP Questionaire

Thank you @worldstogetlostin for tagging me here!

Rules: Answer as many (or as few) of the questions about your WIP as you can.

1. What was the first part of your wip that you created?

My ocs, but not all of them. They were part of a separate plotline that I abandoned quickly because it was terrible and cringy. Parts of them changed as they developed, but the core of their characters began here.

The originals are: Annamarie, Rachel, Jacob, Elaine, Jol (the daemon), and Natalie (Anna's mom)

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

I imagine it would be like the soundtracks I listen to while writing. These include songs from Narnia, HTTYD, Pirates of the Carribean, etc. I'm no composer, so I'd trust the judgment of the music expert on the case.

3. Who are your favourite characters you've made? Why?

My automatic instinct is to jump to "all of them," but I'll be reasonable here and keep it brief because I could write an essay about each of them. I won't because a) that's ridiculous to do here, and b) a lot of this has to do with spoilers/stuff on the down-low. My Top 3 (these may be surprising or not) in no particular order are:

Seniar- He's more than Anna's dad, he's lived many lives and seen too much. He's a prince who stepped up to protect his people, defied expectations, and fell in love with a human, earned his place as a war hero, and did his best to protect and raise his daughter after everything he had known and cared for was destroyed in front of him. He might not be perfect, but he's dedicated his life to other people and still provides for his daughter despite carrying the burden of his past.

Roselle- The living dead, her existence shakes the very foundation of my other characters. After being introduced to the universe, nothing was the same, and it was all for the better. She also has this strange charm about her, like she demands attention. Her life and her death are quite possibly the 2nd and 3rd most influential factors in my entire plotline- only outdone by the destruction of Ariya. She's also on a team of her own with a willingness to overlook the rulebook, which makes her extremely fun to write.

Jacob- He's caring but distant at the same time, his family is a disaster, and he's a rule follower and a rule breaker all at once. He's an enigma and has been from the start. You think you know him, but do you really? He's always running from something, facing challenges like he's trying to prove something to himself. Him and his siblings are the driving force of a lot of plot lines, and for good reason. You just can't help but wonder whether he is a good person or a bad person, and maybe he's just both.

4. What other pieces of media do you think would share a fan base for your story?

I'm honestly not 100% sure. My inspiration to write this WIP truly started with Percy Jackson, so there could be some crossover there. Really anyone with an interest in fantasy and okay with dark subjects could find it interesting.

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your wip?

Writer's block. Whether it's because a character wasn't connecting with the action the way I wanted them to, or if I'm having a day that everything I write isn't something I'm proud of... I'm in college and work, so there's often a lot on my mind, and stress and creativity don't flow well together in my brain.

6. Are there animals in your story? Talk about them!

Anna(marie) has a cat named Isa(belle) who she picked up while moving around with her father. Isa is a beautiful and sweet black Turkish Angora whose personality is modeled after my childhood cat Belle. She's not a major focus, but she means a lot to Anna as one of the few beings she could connect with outside of her father.

All other animals are wildlife and have to do with worldbuilding, which could go crazy, so I'll stop it there.

7. How do your characters get around? (ex. trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

While on Earth and involved in traditionally human things, they travel in cars because their goal is to blend in and hide in plain sight.

In the list of natural (magic) Hecathian abilities, one of them is Teleportation. Characters with this ability, or in proximity to someone who is, travel this way. The challenge is it takes more energy the further you are traveling and needs quite a bit of practice and discipline to do it safely and correctly. A couple examples of characters with this power are Seniar, Annamarie (duh), and Jaleya (Cameron's sister).

8. What part of your wip are you working on rn?

Chapter 16- near the middle of book 1.

Not even close to where I want to end this.

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe?) of your wip do you think will draw people in?

I suppose the variety of aspects that appear. There is action, adventure, drama, complex characters and relationship dynamics, worldbuilding aspects, and the world and timeline just keeps expanding with different stories to tell. There's a lot to choose from, and it's all interconnected in the same universe.

10. What are your hopes for your wip?

I have a whole series planned, plus spin-offs and expanded stories to supplement it. I hope I have time to get through all of it because I want my main WIP and its world to someday be a complete set and no longer stuck only in my brain and scattered through thousands of notes.

Lightly tagging @my-cursed-prince, @willtheweaver, @jacqueswriteblrlibrary, @ashen-crest and anyone else who wants to tell me about their WIP!

[jennystahl]

~ book recommendations ~

tagged by @lavampira! thank you <3 i'll tag... @faerune, @elvves, + @ravensgard i have multiple answers to these questions, of course, but i'm gonna try to stick to my more recent reads.

1. the last book you read:

Embrace Your Weird by Felicia Day. I was expecting more inspiration rather than confidence-building, but it was still fun (even if Day is extremely millennial-humor).

2. a book you recommend:

My latest 5-star read, Die a Little by Megan Abbott. It was just so perfect. If you follow me on Goodreads and read my review you know.

3. a book you couldn’t put down:

Pompeii by Robert Harris. It was actually for class but it was just so well-written and exciting (duh, it's about a volcano exploding).

4. a book you’ve read twice (or more):

I actually don't often reread... I've only ever reread The Hobbit, A Game of Thrones (because I was continuing the series), and Island of the Blue Dolphins (fave as a kid).

5. a book on your TBR:

I have 575 books on my TBR so I randomized my Goodreads shelf. The first one that came up was The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath.

6. a book you’ve put down:

Most recently: Dear Sylvia, Love Jane by Erin Hall. It was a mess despite the good premise.

7. a book on your wishlist:

I mean, every single book on my TBR is on my wishlist. I don't usually buy books either so 🤔 Here's another random from my TBR: Queens of the Age of Chivalry by Alison Weir.

8. a favorite book from childhood:

Besides what I mentioned above, The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett.

9. a book you would give to a friend:

Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie. I think it has a broad appeal and I loved it (I love her in general).

10. a book of poetry or lyrics you own:

Cowboy Poetry: A Gathering. Haven't read it yet!

11. a nonfiction book you own:

A is for Arsenic: The Poisons of Agatha Christie by Kathryn Harkup. Also have yet to read, but probably soon.

12. what you are currently reading:

Three books! Life in a Medieval City by the Gies, The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon, and A Storm of Swords by George RR Martin.

13. what you are planning on reading next:

Honestly idk! I don't usually plan on what to read next because the reading mood I'm in changes a lot. Maybe a 1930s mystery, maybe a middle ages history, maybe a short fantasy story. We'll see.

[starlene]

@neroushalvaus tagged me to answer some questions!

Three ships: Titanic and Vasa, forever and always... aaaand let's say the HMS St. George, because I've been thinking about the Strandningsmuseet in Denmark lately. It's such a cool place: a world-class shipwreck museum situated in a tiny village of about 300 people, right next to the coast where the ship was wrecked. I want to go back!

Also, because I like many ships, a bonus shout-out to the MS Kronprinsesse Märtha, whom I wish will make a comeback as a hotel ship one day. I miss her lots.

First ever ship: Vasa.

In the other sense of the word, I've never been much of a shipper, so I don't really know what counts here. I want to say something from Corpse Bride because it was the first fandom I was ever involved with online, but I can't remember taking any strong stance – like, Emily/Victor was more fun, but Victoria/Victor was cute and clearly meant to be, so how could you pick one over the other. Maybe Rose and Jack from Titanic – though I was always more passionate about the, uh, other sort of ship central to the story, I do remember reading some fic about them back in the day.

Last song: Belle from Notre Dame de Paris version integrale 2017. This album is my go-to whenever I want to listen to NDdP because it's the only full version of the show I own on CD.

Last film: I really haven't felt like watching films lately.

Currently reading: The Other Bennet Sister by Janice Hadlow. I've been working my way through the local library's collection of published Jane Austen fanfiction ever since I finished reading Austen's novels last year.

Currently consuming: Fredsted caramel chai latte, so much of it that my teeth will probably melt away entirely before it's time for my next dental appointment.

Currently craving: Nothing, for I have a cup of caramel chai latte here with me <3

Thanks for the tag! Not forwarding this time.