#this year is about unashamedly loving the source material

[preseriesdean]

Talk to me about s2 supremacy. Spare no details.

thank you for asking and allowing me to gush 💕

maybe most importantly: it still has that early seasons 2000s vibe with flip phones and tape decks and newspaper articles and wide angle shots and americana and grainy film and desaturated colors and grittiness and loose layered working class clothing and shitty motels and grungy bars and this rough edge to everything

another main point is that it finds the perfect balance between monster of the week episodes and a season-encompassing story/myth arc by generally combining the two when necessary, unlike some of the later seasons

an overarching theme is the morality of hunting and whether or not truly every “monster” is really evil or deserves to die: “what if we killed things that didn't deserve killing?” (bloodlust, the usual suspects, croatoan, hunted, born under a bad sign, roadkill, heart) which plays into my next point

the pacing of the season works really well to set up everything about the season finale: sam's storyline with simon said, croatoan, hunted, born under a bad sign; and dean selling his soul, first through john’s deal with azazel, then with children shouldn't play with dead things (“what's dead should stay dead” / “when someone's gone they should stay gone. you don't mess with that kind of stuff”) and crossroad blues (“i think you did it for yourself. so you wouldn’t have to live without her”) and somewhat in croatoan where he's ready to die with sam

literally every single episode is a certified banger in my opinion. i can only think of 2 episodes that didn’t hit the mark too well for me personally but every other one i could rewatch endlessly, and those two still objectively have merit within the framework of the show/season

i won’t talk about each and every ep, but specifically the entirety of playthings, one of the most, if not THE quintessential, gothic episodes of the show. immaculate vibes.

the usual suspects, which shows how well sam and dean work together without even being in the same room and just how generally Weird they can be to outsiders, as well as continuing the theme of “demons i get / people are crazy” which was first set up in s1

as well as the entirety of what is and what should never be. no further explanation necessary i think.

also sam and dean look really nice

cinematography is on. point. the entire time. these shots alone from 2.09 and 2.04. museum worthy.

sam and dean’s relationship is just. sublime. “we were just starting to be brothers again” (2.01) – “he's the only one who gets to call me [sammy]” (2.03) – “you make a move on him, you'll be dead before you hit the ground” (2.09) – “if i ever turn into something that i'm not you have to kill me” (2.11) – “i can't, i'd rather die” (2.14) – “i thought it was supposed to, to be this perfect fantasy” / “it wasn't” / “we never went hunting and you and me just never, uh... you know” (2.20) – “i had to look out for you. that's my job” / “and what do you think my job is?” (2.22)

without taking the focus off the brothers as its core or feeling suffocating, s2 introduces more recurring supporting characters (bobby... kind of, as a rollover from the s1 finale; jo, ellen, ash, gabriel, victor henriksen, gordon walker) and expands on the monster lore, lending some depth to the spn universe before it begins to really ramp up with heaven and hell etc. from s3 onwards

the music was so good, too, although that’s true for other seasons as well. from ‘bad moon rising’ playing on the radio after the car crash in 2.01 and ending with ‘don’t look back’ in 2.22 and everything inbetween; dean singing along to ‘can’t fight this feeling’ in 2.05, ‘hellhound on my trail’ in 2.08, ‘renegade’ in 2.12, ‘back on the road again’ in 2.14, ‘house of the rising sun’ in 2.16, ‘silent lucidity’ in 2.17, ‘rooster’ in 2.19, ‘americana’ playing during sam’s death etc.

they just... did not hold back in all hell breaks loose part 1. earth shattering.

season 2 is funny (hollywood babylon, “maybe the spirits are trying to shut down the movie cause they think it sucks”) and heartbreaking (all hell breaks loose) and silly (tall tales) and deep (what is and what should never be) and philosophical (houses of the holy) and tragic (heart) and creepy (croatoan and pretty much all the rest) and intelligent (the usual suspects) and beautiful to me 💛

[shibara]

~ https://subscribestar.adult/shibara ~

I’ve thought about it for a long while, and finally decided to go ahead with it!

Tier perks include access to a sketch stash with lots of never published wips, sketches and doodles, HD art collections with more than 8 years of work, upcoming downloads for layered psd and csp files for past and future work, early access when commissions open and free monthly art raffles when goals are met.

Full information on perks, sfw and nsfw policies, commissions, and other details under the cut~

NSFW and SFW While I understand that SubscribeSar Adult is geared mainly towards nsfw art, my sfw pieces will be available to subscribers, too. Posts will be marked as [SFW] or [NSFW] in the title and will also be collected in separate folders in the sketch and HD collections.

The majority of the art I do nowadays is of the anthro variety, but there will be some other types of characters sprinkled in, here and there. They will have a separate folder in the sketch and HD art collections, for ease of filtering. Robots will also have a specific folder, since for a few years it was all I painted, so there's a considerable collection of pieces with them. How does this affect commissions? It will change the way I take payments and organize slots, but not much else. Basically, I’m hoping to finally ditch Paypal, and start taking commissions through Subscribestar directly. I'll be setting up a tier or two with 2 or so slots for fixed-price commissions, which commissioners can later upgrade via tips (for example, a tier called “Painted Commissions” set at 250$ that includes an illustration for a full character with a background. If a subscriber wants to make it a two-character pic, the extra fee can be sent via a single-time tips). I'm still deciding on what the best communication rout will be for this (form, mail, etc), so I won't be opening until mid-to-late May. Why sell commissions this way? Due to recent legislation in my country, using Paypal has become increasingly disadvantageous in the past few years (you have to automatically convert all payments to the local coin at a horrendous exchange rate, same as most other available services for easy money transfer and virtual wallets). Also, because of how virtual wallet services work, I’ve not been able to offer clients any kind of installment plans for ages, which sucks. The way Subscribestar works though, would allow me to receive transfers directly to my bank account, hopping over most of those issues, while at the same time allowing for fractionated payments for those clients who may need them. Also, I fucking hate that Paypal has such a beef against the adult industry. I love working on nsfw pieces for me and for others, and having in the back of my mind the knowledge that Paypal could shut down my account in a heartbeat if they realized I work with adult material, has been a constant source of irritation for more than a decade. I unashamedly love what I do and I intend to continue doing so! In conclusion: My intentions regarding my artwork is to keep things mostly the same. Commissions are still my priority, and will continue to be so, but some fixed monthly support would definitely be super helpful, allowing me to explore new techniques and ideas a tad more freely, while still giving back something to you all for your support. If things go well and when things have settled down a bit, I intend to create a discord server where I can communicate more conveniently and stream the art making process, start using polls where subscribers can vote directly for what themes they’d like me to work with in my non-commissioned art. It’s all extremely exciting, I can’t wait to start~ :D

[ani-soup]

The New Velma Series Has Me Going Jinkies!

When the new animated series Velma launched a few weeks ago, it did something that no other show in the history of entertainment has done: unite everyone on the internet in hatred of it. For the first time, people on both sides of the political aisle expressed their disappointment of the new Scooby-Doo spin-off, which premiered on HBO Max on January 12 in the year of Our Lord 2023. But why is it so?

Well, for starters, it could have something to do with the fact that the teaser trailer, which outright mocked fans for wanting the show to stay true to the source material. Because attacking the people who consume your product always ends well (am I right, G4TV?).

It could also have to do with the fact that for this “incarnation” of Scooby Doo, the gang’s characters  have all been skewered and butchered and tossed to the wayside. For example,  Daphne Blake, who was the team mom in previous incarnations, is now a vapid high school bully not unlike the type you would see in Mean Girls. This mishandling of such a popular character was such that her OG voice actress, Grey DeLisle, actually made fun of the show using her character’s catchphrase.

Grey DeLisle on Twitter: "JEEPERS!!! #velmadinkley https://t.co/SaPva18G2u" / Twitter

The butchering doesn’t stop there. Fred, who was commonly depicted as the smart, charismatic leader who was obsessed with traps, is now a rude, spoiled, privileged manchild who is commonly the butt of other people’s jokes. At one point, Velma remarks that Fred is unable to feed himself during a court hearing, and cue a scene where Fred is trying (and failing miserably) to do so, much to the amusement of everyone in the court. He is also something of a misogynist, at point claiming that he can't remember Velma's name because he blatantly thinks that she's unattractive.  This version of Shaggy, now named Norville, meanwhile, is now a beta male who is trying (and failing) to win Velma’s affection and has none of the original counterpart’s charm or cowardice (though his love of snacks remains). I’m fully willing to bet that Norville is not gonna last a minute against Ultra Instinct Shaggy. One common criticism of the new series is that there is virtually no Scooby Doo in this show, despite being a spin-off of the Scooby Doo property.  Well, considering how his human companions have been dragged through the mud, this is probably the best thing to our beloved Great Dane.

Speaking of Velma, I’ve saved the worst for last. From the minute it was announced that she would be brownwashed and voiced by Mindy Kaling, I instantly knew not to expect the best from the franchise. Mindy Kaling is one of those unfunny comedians who relies too much on shock humor, not to mention she’s a raging liberal SJW. The last bit is important because she’s what is commonly referred to as an NPC. Her response to the news that people were not on board with the new South Asian Velma was that “tHeY’rE jUsT rAcIsT!” (Ms. Kaling, I feel the need to inform you that as a fellow South Asian, I also do not like your bastardization of one of my favorite childhood franchises.) Not to mention a clip has recently surfaced of her unashamedly admitting of her giving an improvised kiss to a fellow actor and threatening to have him fired if he told anyone about this. What’s even more disturbing is that the audience was laughing the entire time, as if sexual assault to a man is hilarious. (Imagine if the genders were reversed, would it still be funny then?) As for Velma herself, I can’t say that I really like her, considering how she treats everyone in her vicinity. While her previous incarnations were snarky as well, they were a lot less mean-spirited compared to this version, who is clearly unhinged and more judgmental and bitter towards just about anyone. Who wants to be about such a bundle of positivity and joy all the time?

It's no surprise that so many people have come to despise both the show and the creator. It currently sits at a record 1.3/10 on IMDB, and has been dubbed the worst animated show in modern history. (No, seriously!) There are plenty of ways to make an adult reboot of a children’s franchise. This is not one of them. Whether you’re familiar with Scooby or not, this show isn’t for you. You’re better off watching either Scoobynatural or Mystery Incorporated if you want to see a darker, edgier Scooby Doo done properly.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be watching some What’s New Scooby Doo? as a palate cleanser for whatever the hell this mess is.

[elements-of-harmony]

Reaaaaad Meeeeeee Seymooooore ( BYI )

Visual roleplay and ask blog based on the Tupperbox community q and a and source material from "The Year without a Santa Claus", "A Miser Brothers Christmas" and the fanction "The Holiday Inn" Please continue below and read the information under the cut.

Aliases/Nicknames: Hothead, Mr. Sun, Sultan of the South

💕Significant Other: Aqua 💕

Gender: Masculine leaning; he/him pronouns

Powers/Species: Sun/Fire Elemental

Physical Age: 45

Height: 6’5

Eye Color: Brown/Amber

Hair Color: ginger

Bio:  Heat Miser is observant and a deep thinker, a true introvert with a keen intellect and a mean sarcastic streak. What he may lack in bedside manner, however, he more than makes up for with his fierce loyalty and love for his family. 

His hot temper is his greatest weakness.

Aliases/Nicknames: Snowy, Mr. Snow, King of Cool

💕Significant Other: Shocky 💕

Gender: agender/ genderfluid; he/him pronouns 

Powers/Species: Snow/Ice Elemental

Physical Age: 45

Height: 6’9

Eye Color: Brown/Amber

Hair Color: White/Translucent

Bio: The more outgoing of the two brothers, Snow is both openly and unashamedly autistic and very outgoing. His wit, tendency toward imagination, and loyalty to being his authentic self make him a fun and refreshing companion, his empathy a true ally. 

His lack of tact and filter, however often leads to arguments between the two brothers and more often than not puts him in an unfavorable position with others.

Aliases/Nicknames: Shocky, Missy

💕Significant Other: Snow Miser 💕

Gender: feminine leaning; she/they pronouns

Powers/Species: arctic elf with light and electric powers

Physical Age: 26

Height: 5’5”

Eye Color: green

Hair Color: gray/green, ginger

Bio: Shocky is observant, a deep thinker and a wearer of her heart on her sleeve. A outwardly warm and personable elf, she possesses both a vivid imagination and scars from her lifelong battle with rampant ableism and struggle to be accepted in her own family leading to harsher image of herself than most outside her birth guardians will ever prescribe.  Her handicaps with memory and dyscalculia, tendency to hold long grudges, sensitivity to rejection, and chronic pain are among her greatest weaknesses.

Aliases/Nicknames: Aqua, “Miss No Fun” 💕Significant Other: Heat Miser 💕 Gender:  feminine; she/her pronouns Powers/Species:: arctic elf with water powers Physical Age: 29 Height: 5’3 Eye Color:  green Hair Color: blue Bio: The more outgoing of the two sisters, Aqua is a silver-tongued diplomat with a cleverly hidden wild side. While her knack for navigating the ins and outs of society quells many would-be disputes, her boldness, snark, and love of letting loose make her the life of the party. Her ability to mask easily, however, alienates her from those who cannot conform so easily and the walls she builds are her greatest weakness.

 The Misers are both in happy exclusive monogamous marriages and are not looking for thirds, please do not ask to date them, privately or otherwise or send them romantic asks or starters. 

Asks about their relationships are welcome and will appear under their respective tags but attempts to replace the established significant others  listed above will be ignored and may result in further restriction from interacting with this blog- the answer is a hard no!!

The Miser brothers are not related to your character unless discussed beforehand ( Find me here! ) or, of course if they are related in canon. 

 Likewise, these two haven’t met your character unless we’ve agreed that they have, or if your character belongs to the Rankin Bass lore that’s part of their source material. Don’t hesitate to ask though, I’m a sucker for found family and would love to add to theirs, they can always use more friends, siblings, and adoptive children! They do not, however, owe you their love or compassion and sympathy baiting will not be taken lightly. They are gods, not therapists. If you or someone you know are struggling to stay safe, please contact your local suicide hotline!

Sending asks and starters about the Misers recreationally using or abusing drugs is a really good way to be banned from this blog. Don’t try me <3 

Jokes about either of them being under the influence are something I find disgusting and regardless of whether you think it’s funny, there is no place for that here. This content is not welcome anywhere near my inbox at any time under any circumstance.

You do not have permission to kill, maim, traumatize, or otherwise seriously harm my characters physically or otherwise.

Additionally, this blog is an all ages blog. To keep it that way, asks and starters intended for mature audiences will be omitted. 

The Misers do, however, spar more than occasionally. It is after all how they do their job! Feel free to send light angst and test your dice roller against the seasoned brothers.

Original characters, characters from most other fandoms, and self inserts are, of course more all than welcome to interact. Shocky herself happens to be one after all! * Will not interact with content pertaining to Steven Universe or its fans including roleplayers of the characters. The Diamonds in particular makes me deeply uncomfortable and I do not wish to invite people who support them to this blog. 

I, run this blog on spare time and spare energy. Because of this, more often than not I favor simple asks and light starters over longer and more serious posts.

Additionally, art reblogs are hand picked based on activity and to match my interpretation of the characters to enhance immersion. Because of that, posts depicting other pairings, designs, and headcanons are excluded as well as most popular posts.

If I don’t interact with your content it’s not because I don’t like you, promise! And finally, as this is a roleplay blog, this blog WILL feature AI generated content. All content posted has been edited, transformed, or directly created by me and the posts will specify which but will occasionally feature replies enhanced by Character.ai and audio trained on character data through So-vits-SVC. If you disagree with this content you are free to leave or engage in the posts not collaboratively made with this technology such as my drawings but I will not debate with you, entertain bad faith questions, or tolerate aggression. Engaging with my blog with the intention of starting a fight will end badly for you, do not try it :)  It is also worth noting that I do not support the use of ai for the purpose of defamation or career theft. These posts are created for personal and nonprofit artistic enjoyment only and if you redistribute any of it with the intent to sell, to impact the legacies and careers of the very real voice actors and singers involved, or to feed it into any extra algorithm I will find your kneecaps and delete them :)

Failure to respect the boundaries outlined in this post will result in revocation of access to this blog and its contents

[hismercytomyjustice]

I spent 95% of the day today writing. I’ve finally hit 35k, but the last 3k were a STRUGGLE. I think they turned out okay, but my god I had several moments of “fuck this.”

I think the issue was this was a way more research heavy chapter and I didn’t feel as confident about writing some of the side characters. They don’t have much screen time in the game, which made it all the more stressful.

I desperately want to finish this fic. I don’t want to have made it this far only to give up. I s2g the Cardcaptors fic that I wrote that was almost twice as long as this didn’t give me NEARLY this much trouble. Maybe because I was more familiar with the source material?

I did get a really sweet comment on it recently though that I still need to reply to. I’m always baffled and pleased when folks take the time to read my older stuff.

I want to say I’m around 75-80% done with this fic now, though I still have no idea how the hell I’m going to end it.

…especially since I still haven’t finished the game…

I’m like 250+ hours in, but I still need to kill Orin and Gortash, save Lae’zel, get the Wyrm, fight Raphael, find Minsc… I’m sure I’m forgetting something. I know I could just power through to the end but I’ve been enjoying thoroughly exploring everything. I’ve also kind of worn myself out in the process though. There is just SO MUCH in Act III, it’s overwhelming.

Work has been hella busy again the past week or two too, which doesn’t help. I’m kind of dreading tomorrow because I have so much I need to do. I am getting desperate for a break and our next holiday isn’t until Memorial Day at the end of May. I’m probably going to have to take some PTO or at least a mental health day at the rate I’m going. The burnout is hitting HARD.

I love my job as much as one can love a job, but my god it is exhausting and demanding. Thankfully it isn’t like this all the time, but the periods where it is SUCK. Things will quiet down in another month or so, at least for a good chunk of the summer. I hope.

I think when I’m done writing this fic (please god in the next few weeks or so), I’m going to post it a chapter at a time like I did with my Cardcaptors one. Maybe a week apart to give myself time to edit each chapter. Pretty sure that’s the only way I’ll be able to trick myself into editing.

It’s just been so nice to have something I’m excited to write about again. This is the longest thing I’ve written in literal years. I feel like I’ve grown a lot, or at least I hope I have.

I’m also hoping that by writing more fanfic, I’ll be able to strengthen my writing for original stuff too. Right now I’m just trying to be happy with whatever I put out, so long as I’m writing something. Even if I don’t finish it.

I spent so many years struggling to get a word on the page because I spent so much time learning about writing through cons, books, podcasts, etc that I was hypercritical of everything I did. I stopped enjoying the process and I felt like a failure. I knew enough now that I knew what I did wrong or where I had skill gaps, but I had no idea how to fix any of it, so I just stopped creating. I forgot why I loved writing so much in the first place.

A book that’s really helped me view writing in a much healthier way is The Actor’s Life: A Survival Guide by Jenna Fischer. Yes, it’s geared toward acting, but the advice she gives is just as relevant to other creative fields.

She talks a lot about giving yourself permission to do the thing, about not having to be at the same level as your idols to pursue your dream, and about how important it is just to create.

It’s so important to enjoy the process because, otherwise, what’s the point? So long as I’m having fun, it’s worth doing. Even if I never reach a wide audience with original stuff I do in the future, I have to remember I’m doing this first and foremost for myself. I’ve found I enjoy that type of content more too, where the creator takes risks and unashamedly throws their passion into their project.

Yes, this is just a fanfic I’m working on, but I’m honing my skills through it. It’s a lot less terrifying to play in someone else’s sandbox and it’s so much easier for me to get out of my own way while I do it.

But at the same time DAMN I AM SO READY TO BE DONE haha.

Fingers crossed I will be soon!!!

[beldroxramscal]

Sway ~ part 1

Javier Pena x female!OC

Word count: 2.690

Summary: One of Javier’s former informants came back to Bogotá. On his way to find out why, he encounters some unexpected trouble.

Warnings: guns, strippers, mentions of sex, language

A/N: No one asked for this and I doubt many people will read this, but I was so proud of myself for writing more than a few sentences, I decided to post this. My first fic in maybe 3 years? This is also my first time not writing for a ship and my first time posting something with my OC (very exciting and terrifying). I have a little more in mind with this, but we’ll see.

English is not my first language and I have no one to beta for me. That is just a very long way to say: sorry, my English sucks.

Part 1//Part 2//Part 3//

However he thought, or God forbid hoped, this night would go, this was not even in his top ten. Sweat rolled down his back, as the barrel of a gun dug under his chin. The mixture of gunpowder, iron, and raspberries hitting his nose while a pair of green eyes looked up at him. All he saw were flames. It was hard to connect her to the woman he saw just 5 minutes ago dancing with soft blue lights reflecting off of the glitter on her body. Along with the soft smiles and white bodice, she looked almost angelic. It was a stupid thought back then, and it’s even more stupid now.

“Layla! I don’t think this is a very good idea,” a shaky voice of reason came from the most unexpected source. Sweet Valentina hasn’t moved from the door since she brought him here, and he almost forgot she was standing there.

“Yeah? You know what’s not a very good idea? Bringing strange men backstage! How many fucking times have I told you?” Layla barked back without taking her eyes off of him. Her voice was angry and annoyed, but she was a complete picture of calmness.

“Look, my name is Javier Pena–”

“And you are looking for Izzy. I heard you. Where is your badge?”

Oh, so she knew who he was. He just hoped that was a good thing.

“Jeans. Back pocket.”

Layla moved to stand by his side as she blindly reached to his pocket. Instead, her hand landed on the small of his back, and she pulled out a gun from the back of his jeans. Without giving it a look, she threw it on the small couch behind her. Finally, she pulled out his badge, and her eyes left his for the first time since he came into her dressing room.

“What the fuck am I supposed to find out from this?” She closed her eyes forcefully, scrunching her nose in frustration.

“I am a DEA agent,” he answered a bit confused. No one ever questioned his badge before.

“So fucking what? Is there only one DEA agent? Anyone can fucking have this. Where’s some kind of picture, name… something. Jesus. Where’s your ID?”

Before he could tell her that it was in the inside pocket of his jacket Valentina started slurring words in a panic. By the look on Layla’s face, she wasn’t sure of what was said either, but it didn’t take much guessing when her last words were, “HE IS THE POLICE?”

“Why the hell are you still here, Val? Just get out.” Layla sounded as tired of all of this as he felt. He had some actual fucking work to do and instead he was here. Trying to figure out why one of his former informants came back to Bogotá and make sure she got out safe again.

“I’m not leaving you alone with him. What if he does something to you?”

“And how exactly would you help me?” There was a silence for a few moments, and then he heard Valentina move. Judging by the sound, she moved very slowly. Layla’s eyebrows raised in question and then her lips turned into an amused smile. “Good girl,” she said finally. Javier tried to turn his head and see what was going on, but Layla dug the gun even deeper into his skin making him hiss. It didn’t matter much either way because Valentina stopped in front of him. His own gun pointing at his chest.

“Now, where’s your ID?” Layla turned her attention back to him.

“Jacket.”

He felt her patting the side pockets and finally find her way to his wallet and ID. She studied it for a moment, looking up at him and back down to the piece of plastic and then, finally, lowering the gun.

“Give him back his gun, Val,” she nodded at her. Valentina almost threw it at him before Layla even finished her sentence. He caught it and put it back into the back of his jeans.

Layla took a few steps back and took Valentina’s hand into her own, giving it a kiss. “Go home, love,” her voice was full of tenderness and warmth as she spoke to the younger woman. Such simple gestures and somehow it felt too intimate for him to witness. “I’m sure Agent Pena will gladly pay for any emotional distress he caused you tonight.” Layla looked up from the woman up to him again with one of the fakest sweetest smiles he’s ever seen.

God, he hated strip clubs. You always pay way more than necessary for much less fun than a fucking brothel. Still, he took out a few bills from his wallet and reluctantly gave them to her. Valentina shoved them into her bra and, with a promise of a call from Layla, left.

“Unbelievable,” he let out, the bizarre nature of the situation finally hitting him.“Can’t say I’ve ever been held at gunpoint by a stripper.”

“I believe that,” she shot him a cold look. “Considering,” she gestured vaguely at him, “your whole deal. I mean, most strippers don’t have the inside information you want and very few of them fuck for money.”

He felt her words burn in his chest as he lit a cigarette to avoid her stare. He pondered if he should defend himself, but it seemed like she only wanted him to know that she knew what went down between him and Izzy. “Where is she?” he asked instead, trying to get to the point of this whole night.

“Safe. Her grandma got sick, so she came to visit her. She leaves tomorrow afternoon.”

“I would like to see her and make sure she’s alright,” he pressed. He didn’t come all the way down here and got his head almost blown off for words of reassurance.

She studied his face, lighting a cigarette of her own. Javier wasn’t sure of what she found out, but after a few moments, she turned her back to him and started packing her things into a bag. “Give me five minutes, and I’ll meet you outside.”

———-

The second she heard the door close behind him her hands tore away at the robe draped around her body. The material was light, but it felt like she was caught in a vice. Letting the flimsy material pool around her feet, she was finally able to take a deep breath. It still did not seem like enough. It did not matter though, she had no time to panic and wouldn’t have until Izzy and David were safely out of Colombia.

Taking one more deep breath she took off the silver bra and thongs and exchanged them for the more comfortable cotton pair she came to work in. She hastily stuffed all the costumes she used that night into her bag and then swept all the trinkets on the table on top of them with one broad sweep of her hand. She was already annoyed at the mess she’d have to go through later.

In her own clothes, she made her way through the back door outside the club. It took a little longer to get to the main street, but still better than being stopped by patrons asking for a private show.

Agent Pena was leaning on the hood of, what she thought had to be, his car. He was just finishing another cigarette, his eyes already on her as she stepped from around the corner of the building and into the street.

“That was more than five minutes,” he commented when she was within the earshot. Pushing off the hood of the car, he walked to the driver’s side without giving her a second look.

“I was hoping you’d fuck off,” she muttered to herself before sliding into the passenger seat.

He started the car and looked at her impatiently, waiting for instructions. She reluctantly told him their destination, not exactly ecstatic that she was about to take him to her flat.

Silence fell over the car when they hit the streets he was familiar with, and she didn’t have to navigate him anymore. Her head rested on the window, and she watched him drive. He seemed tired. Bags under his eyes and even his hands on the wheel kept sliding down now and then. She smiled to herself when his nose scrunched up as if something tickled it.

Pena turned his head as he stopped at an intersection and did a little double-take when he noticed her watching him. “What?” he asked seeming almost self-conscious. It made her laugh.

“Nothing,” she shrugged and kept her eyes unashamedly on him.

He looked at her again, holding her gaze for a few moments as if he was testing her, averting his eyes back to the road when she didn’t flinch. “I thought you wanted me to ‘fuck off’.”

“Oh, I do,” she agreed, completely serious. “I’m also kinda intrigued. I mean, Izzy risked everything for you. I’m just trying to figure out what it is about you that was worth it.”

He seemed to be caught off guard by her honesty. His fingers tightened around the steering wheel, and he shifted in his seat. This was obviously not a very comfortable topic for him. “I think you are giving me more credit than it’s due. I just offered her a safe way from Colombia with her son.”

“Sure,” she nodded, “seems reasonable enough.” The sarcasm in her voice did not escape him, but she just did not want to talk about that anymore. Both of them knew Izzy liked him more than she should have. She didn’t risk only her life, but also the life of her son and her grandmother. It didn’t matter now anyway.

“Is Layla your real name?”

She let out a laugh because the question was simply ridiculous. Especially after that little exchange they just had. The corner of his lip quirked up just a little. He seemed happy she wanted to move on from the conversation as well. “You are the big DEA agent here. What do you think?”

“So, what is your real name?” he looked at her again. The streetlights reflected in his eyes, and she realized that they were not as dark as she previously thought.

“Why? So you can go back to work tomorrow and try to look me up in one of your files?” she kept her tone light, teasing. He seemed more responsive to that, and it was nice to see him relax a little. Plus, she felt she owed him after holding a gun to his head.

“Of course not,” he shook his head, “I’m going back to the office right after I’m done with this.”

She laughed again, and he joined in with his reserved chuckle. “Well, I’m tempted to see how good you are and what you come up with only my address and a stage name.”

“So,” he turned his head to her and slowed down the car when she motioned to the apartment complex she lived in and parked right in front of it. “You think we will see each other again.”

“I think you like a challenge, agent Pena,” she winked at him as she got out of the car.

She closed her eyes in the cool air, mentally banging her head against a wall. Why did she always have to flirt? Barely, but still. It was like a curse she couldn’t get rid of, and it always came up in the most inappropriate of places. Like with a fucking DEA agent who fucked one of her best friends.

Pena closed the car door and caught up with her on the steps into the building. She led him to the second-floor terrace when he tried his luck one last time. “So you won’t tell me your name?”

“No,” she answered simply as she unlocked the door to her flat. “Izzy!” she called out into the apartment, but instead of Izzy, little David came running from one of the rooms.

“Auntie, Nat! Auntie, Nat!” he almost tackled her to the ground trying to show her little cars his grandmother bought him.

“No way! These are amazing!” she yelped, trying to match little David’s energy even if he just told Pena her real name.

“Auntie, Nat,” Pena repeated after the boy with a winning smile.

Natalia just shook her head at him disapprovingly, “that’s cheating.”

“Nat! I made di–” Izzy’s words died in her throat as her eyes landed on the man next to her. “What are you doing here?”

“Izzy,” Pena walked slowly to her, “I just wanted to make sure everything was alright.”

Izzy nodded at him, her eyes blown in shock. “Why are you with Nat?”

Hearing her name, Natalia took David into her arms. “Why don’t you two have a little chat and David,” she turned her attention to the youngest one, “can tell me all about these fancy cars.” The little bugger nodded furiously and twisted his way out of her arms.

“Yes! Of course! He couldn’t wait to show you,” Izzy agreed, kissing her son on the forehead as he ran past her and into Natalia’s room. Nat followed him in silence, only squeezing Izzy’s hand as she walked past her.

Her room was a mess with bags and clothes and toys all around the place. It looked like Izzy was in the middle of a packing up. Natalia made some room on her bed and sat down with David, trying to give him her full attention. It wasn’t as hard as she thought it would. David made damn sure she wouldn’t have anything on her mind but the story of the two racing cars.

It didn’t take long before the doors to her room opened and Izzy came in. She was genuinely smiling, content. “He’s leaving, but wants to talk to you.”

Nat nodded and walked out of her room and to the living room, where Pena was standing by the door with his hands on his hips. He didn’t seem very happy with anything that just happened. “What’s going on?” She stopped closer to him than necessary, but she didn’t wanna risk David hearing anything.

“Do you know how to use that little gun of yours?” he ducked his head down, bringing him even closer.

“I-I,” she stammered. The intensity in which his eyes bore into hers scared her. “Yes… Yes I know how to use it.”

“Good. Izzy doesn’t want me to go with you tomorrow.” He handed her a little white card with his name and put it into her hand. “If there’s anything weird. If you see anyone you don’t like or even if you have just a bad feeling,” he closed her hand around the piece of paper with his hand, not letting go just yet. “I want you to immediately call me, okay?”  Somehow he was even closer now, but instead of recoiling from him, she stood motionless.

His eyes slid to her open lips that were unable to form the word to go with her nodding.

“Good,” he said slowly, dragging his eyes up to hers again. She felt as if she was under a microscope as if he could see every emotion she was feeling at that moment plainly in her face. Could he tell how scared she was?

“Good,” he repeated when his eyes landed on hers again. “Call me.”

“I will,” she finally found her voice. It was quiet and shaky and downright pathetic. She should have stuck with nodding like an idiot.

His head was tilting back and forth as if he could not bring himself to get out of her space even though he should. There was no reason for him to stay this close to her now, and she wasn’t sure if there was any need before, but neither of them was ready to make the first move.

With a quick swipe of tongue over his lower lip, he finally stood up to his height, squeezing her balled up fist in his hand as he turned to the door. “Good night, Nat.”

[junesea]

After being into Supernatural for many years, loving the Untamed is such a respite. So much thinking and meta around Supernatural went into authorial intent and whether something is supposed or not supposed to be there, whether this is subtext or just a figment of imagination. Whereas the Untamed is a story unashamedly about both adventure AND romance, a romance between two men at that! And moreover the romance is completely clear to the naked eye: you see it even if you are not familiar with the source material or if you are not particularly apt at media analysis: it's there in the acting, in the music, in the directing choices; it was put there on purpose, put there to be enjoyed just like any other love story! And it is so freeing to bask in this absolute knowledge instead of begging for rare crumbs of validation from the writer's table

[bluepink-y]

Sway - part 1 (maybe?)

Javier Pena x female!OC

Word count: 2.690

Summary: One of Javier’s former informants came back to Bogotá. On his way to get to find out why, he encounters some unexpected trouble.

Warnings: guns, strippers, mentions of sex, language

A/N: No one asked for this and I doubt many people will read this, but I was so proud of myself for writing more than a few sentences, I decided to post this. My first fic in maybe 3 years? This is also my first time not writing for a ship and my first time posting something with my OC (very exciting and terrifying). I have a little more in mind with this, but we’ll see.

English is not my first language and I have no one to beta for me. That is just a very long way to say: sorry, my English sucks.

However he thought, or God forbid hoped, this night would go, this was not even in his top ten. Sweat rolled down his back, as the barrel of a gun dug under his chin. The mixture of gunpowder, iron, and raspberries hitting his nose while a pair of green eyes looked up at him. All he saw were flames. It was hard to connect her to the woman he saw just 5 minutes ago dancing with soft blue lights reflecting off of the glitter on her body. Along with the soft smiles and white bodice, she looked almost angelic. It was a stupid thought back then, and it’s even more stupid now.

“Layla! I don’t think this is a very good idea,” a shaky voice of reason came from the most unexpected source. Sweet Valentina hasn’t moved from the door since she brought him here, and he almost forgot she was standing there.

“Yeah? You know what’s not a very good idea? Bringing strange men backstage! How many fucking times have I told you?” Layla barked back without taking her eyes off of him. Her voice was angry and annoyed, but she was a complete picture of calmness.

“Look, my name is Javier Pena--”

“And you are looking for Izzy. I heard you. Where is your badge?”

Oh, so she knew who he was. He just hoped that was a good thing.

“Jeans. Back pocket.”

Layla moved to stand by his side as she blindly reached to his pocket. Instead, her hand landed on the small of his back, and she pulled out a gun from the back of his jeans. Without giving it a look, she threw it on the small couch behind her. Finally, she pulled out his badge, and her eyes left his for the first time since he came into her dressing room.

“What the fuck am I supposed to find out from this?” She closed her eyes forcefully, scrunching her nose in frustration.

“I am a DEA agent,” he answered a bit confused. No one ever questioned his badge before.

“So fucking what? Is there only one DEA agent? Anyone can fucking have this. Where’s some kind of picture, name… something. Jesus. Where’s your ID?”

Before he could tell her that it was in the inside pocket of his jacket Valentina started slurring words in a panic. By the look on Layla’s face, she wasn’t sure of what was said either, but it didn’t take much guessing when her last words were, “HE IS THE POLICE?”

“Why the hell are you still here, Val? Just get out.” Layla sounded as tired of all of this as he felt. He had some actual fucking work to do and instead he was here. Trying to figure out why one of his former informants came back to Bogotá and make sure she got out safe again.

“I’m not leaving you alone with him. What if he does something to you?”

“And how exactly would you help me?” There was a silence for a few moments, and then he heard Valentina move. Judging by the sound, she moved very slowly. Layla’s eyebrows raised in question and then her lips turned into an amused smile. “Good girl,” she said finally. Javier tried to turn his head and see what was going on, but Layla dug the gun even deeper into his skin making him hiss. It didn’t matter much either way because Valentina stopped in front of him. His own gun pointing at his chest.

“Now, where’s your ID?” Layla turned her attention back to him.

“Jacket.”

He felt her patting the side pockets and finally find her way to his wallet and ID. She studied it for a moment, looking up at him and back down to the piece of plastic and then, finally, lowering the gun.

“Give him back his gun, Val,” she nodded at her. Valentina almost threw it at him before Layla even finished her sentence. He caught it and put it back into the back of his jeans.

Layla took a few steps back and took Valentina’s hand into her own, giving it a kiss. “Go home, love,” her voice was full of tenderness and warmth as she spoke to the younger woman. Such simple gestures and somehow it felt too intimate for him to witness. “I’m sure Agent Pena will gladly pay for any emotional distress he caused you tonight.” Layla looked up from the woman up to him again with one of the fakest sweetest smiles he’s ever seen.

God, he hated strip clubs. You always pay way more than necessary for much less fun than a fucking brothel. Still, he took out a few bills from his wallet and reluctantly gave them to her. Valentina shoved them into her bra and, with a promise of a call from Layla, left.

“Unbelievable,” he let out, the bizarre nature of the situation finally hitting him.“Can’t say I’ve ever been held at gunpoint by a stripper.”

“I believe that,” she shot him a cold look. “Considering,” she gestured vaguely at him, “your whole deal. I mean, most strippers don’t have the inside information you want and very few of them fuck for money.”

He felt her words burn in his chest as he lit a cigarette to avoid her stare. He pondered if he should defend himself, but it seemed like she only wanted him to know that she knew what went down between him and Izzy. “Where is she?” he asked instead, trying to get to the point of this whole night.

“Safe. Her grandma got sick, so she came to visit her. She leaves tomorrow afternoon.”

“I would like to see her and make sure she’s alright,” he pressed. He didn’t come all the way down here and got his head almost blown off for words of reassurance.

She studied his face, lighting a cigarette of her own. Javier wasn’t sure of what she found out, but after a few moments, she turned her back to him and started packing her things into a bag. “Give me five minutes, and I’ll meet you outside.”

----------

The second she heard the door close behind him her hands tore away at the robe draped around her body. The material was light, but it felt like she was caught in a vice. Letting the flimsy material pool around her feet, she was finally able to take a deep breath. It still did not seem like enough. It did not matter though, she had no time to panic and wouldn’t have until Izzy and David were safely out of Colombia.

Taking one more deep breath she took off the silver bra and thongs and exchanged them for the more comfortable cotton pair she came to work in. She hastily stuffed all the costumes she used that night into her bag and then swept all the trinkets on the table on top of them with one broad sweep of her hand. She was already annoyed at the mess she’d have to go through later.

In her own clothes, she made her way through the back door outside the club. It took a little longer to get to the main street, but still better than being stopped by patrons asking for a private show. 

Agent Pena was leaning on the hood of, what she thought had to be, his car. He was just finishing another cigarette, his eyes already on her as she stepped from around the corner of the building and into the street.

“That was more than five minutes,” he commented when she was within the earshot. Pushing off the hood of the car, he walked to the driver’s side without giving her a second look.

“I was hoping you’d fuck off,” she muttered to herself before sliding into the passenger seat.

He started the car and looked at her impatiently, waiting for instructions. She reluctantly told him their destination, not exactly ecstatic that she was about to take him to her flat.

Silence fell over the car when they hit the streets he was familiar with, and she didn’t have to navigate him anymore. Her head rested on the window, and she watched him drive. He seemed tired. Bags under his eyes and even his hands on the wheel kept sliding down now and then. She smiled to herself when his nose scrunched up as if something tickled it. 

Pena turned his head as he stopped at an intersection and did a little double-take when he noticed her watching him. “What?” he asked seeming almost self-conscious. It made her laugh.

“Nothing,” she shrugged and kept her eyes unashamedly on him.

He looked at her again, holding her gaze for a few moments as if he was testing her, averting his eyes back to the road when she didn’t flinch. “I thought you wanted me to ‘fuck off’.”

“Oh, I do,” she agreed, completely serious. “I’m also kinda intrigued. I mean, Izzy risked everything for you. I’m just trying to figure out what it is about you that was worth it.”

He seemed to be caught off guard by her honesty. His fingers tightened around the steering wheel, and he shifted in his seat. This was obviously not a very comfortable topic for him. “I think you are giving me more credit than it’s due. I just offered her a safe way from Colombia with her son.”

“Sure,” she nodded, “seems reasonable enough.” The sarcasm in her voice did not escape him, but she just did not want to talk about that anymore. Both of them knew Izzy liked him more than she should have. She didn’t risk only her life, but also the life of her son and her grandmother. It didn’t matter now anyway.

“Is Layla your real name?”

She let out a laugh because the question was simply ridiculous. Especially after that little exchange they just had. The corner of his lip quirked up just a little. He seemed happy she wanted to move on from the conversation as well. “You are the big DEA agent here. What do you think?”

“So, what is your real name?” he looked at her again. The streetlights reflected in his eyes, and she realized that they were not as dark as she previously thought. 

“Why? So you can go back to work tomorrow and try to look me up in one of your files?” she kept her tone light, teasing. He seemed more responsive to that, and it was nice to see him relax a little. Plus, she felt she owed him after holding a gun to his head.

“Of course not,” he shook his head, “I’m going back to the office right after I’m done with this.”

She laughed again, and he joined in with his reserved chuckle. “Well, I’m tempted to see how good you are and what you come up with only my address and a stage name.”

“So,” he turned his head to her and slowed down the car when she motioned to the apartment complex she lived in and parked right in front of it. “You think we will see each other again.” 

“I think you like a challenge, agent Pena,” she winked at him as she got out of the car.

She closed her eyes in the cool air, mentally banging her head against a wall. Why did she always have to flirt? Barely, but still. It was like a curse she couldn’t get rid of, and it always came up in the most inappropriate of places. Like with a fucking DEA agent who fucked one of her best friends.

Pena closed the car door and caught up with her on the steps into the building. She led him to the second-floor terrace when he tried his luck one last time. “So you won’t tell me your name?”

“No,” she answered simply as she unlocked the door to her flat. “Izzy!” she called out into the apartment, but instead of Izzy, little David came running from one of the rooms.

“Auntie, Nat! Auntie, Nat!” he almost tackled her to the ground trying to show her little cars his grandmother bought him. 

“No way! These are amazing!” she yelped, trying to match little David’s energy even if he just told Pena her real name. 

“Auntie, Nat,” Pena repeated after the boy with a winning smile.

Natalia just shook her head at him disapprovingly, “that’s cheating.”

“Nat! I made di--” Izzy’s words died in her throat as her eyes landed on the man next to her. “What are you doing here?”

“Izzy,” Pena walked slowly to her, “I just wanted to make sure everything was alright.” 

Izzy nodded at him, her eyes blown in shock. “Why are you with Nat?”

Hearing her name, Natalia took David into her arms. “Why don’t you two have a little chat and David,” she turned her attention to the youngest one, “can tell me all about these fancy cars.” The little bugger nodded furiously and twisted his way out of her arms.

“Yes! Of course! He couldn’t wait to show you,” Izzy agreed, kissing her son on the forehead as he ran past her and into Natalia’s room. Nat followed him in silence, only squeezing Izzy’s hand as she walked past her.

Her room was a mess with bags and clothes and toys all around the place. It looked like Izzy was in the middle of a packing up. Natalia made some room on her bed and sat down with David, trying to give him her full attention. It wasn’t as hard as she thought it would. David made damn sure she wouldn’t have anything on her mind but the story of the two racing cars. 

It didn’t take long before the doors to her room opened and Izzy came in. She was genuinely smiling, content. “He’s leaving, but wants to talk to you.”

Nat nodded and walked out of her room and to the living room, where Pena was standing by the door with his hands on his hips. He didn’t seem very happy with anything that just happened. “What’s going on?” She stopped closer to him than necessary, but she didn’t wanna risk David hearing anything.

“Do you know how to use that little gun of yours?” he ducked his head down, bringing him even closer. 

“I-I,” she stammered. The intensity in which his eyes bore into hers scared her. “Yes… Yes I know how to use it.”

“Good. Izzy doesn’t want me to go with you tomorrow.” He handed her a little white card with his name and put it into her hand. “If there’s anything weird. If you see anyone you don’t like or even if you have just a bad feeling,” he closed her hand around the piece of paper with his hand, not letting go just yet. “I want you to immediately call me, okay?”  Somehow he was even closer now, but instead of recoiling from him, she stood motionless. 

His eyes slid to her open lips that were unable to form the word to go with her nodding. 

“Good,” he said slowly, dragging his eyes up to hers again. She felt as if she was under a microscope as if he could see every emotion she was feeling at that moment plainly in her face. Could he tell how scared she was? 

“Good,” he repeated when his eyes landed on hers again. “Call me.” 

“I will,” she finally found her voice. It was quiet and shaky and downright pathetic. She should have stuck with nodding like an idiot. 

His head was tilting back and forth as if he could not bring himself to get out of her space even though he should. There was no reason for him to stay this close to her now, and she wasn’t sure if there was any need before, but neither of them was ready to make the first move.

 With a quick swipe of tongue over his lower lip, he finally stood up to his height, squeezing her balled up fist in his hand as he turned to the door. “Good night, Nat.”

[the-desolated-quill]

Good Omens, Queerbaiting And Death Of The Author - Quill’s Scribbles

I confess this is the most reluctant I’ve ever been to write a Scribble. When this topic came up, I remember just groaning and putting my head in my hands because I knew that, due to the nature of what I tend to write about on this blog and the fact that I’m an out and out biromantic demisexual queerbo, people would be asking me to contribute to the discourse. And honestly I don’t particularly want to. I don’t get to enjoy many films and TV shows anymore thanks to the industry doing their very best to ruin everything they touch. Can’t I just watch one good TV show without being dragged into some ideological battle?

Okay. Guess I can’t really put this off any longer.

On the 31st May, the long awaited adaptation of Good Omens was released on Amazon Video. I thought it was quite good. Not perfect. There are some things I could criticise, but overall it was a worthy adaptation of the source material and it was very enjoyable to watch. And that seems to be the general consensus with both critics and fans. However over the past couple of months since its release, a ‘controversy’ began to emerge within the fandom regarding the show’s main characters Aziraphale and Crowley. See, a large proportion of both the media and the Good Omens fanbase have interpreted the angel/demon double act as being gay, but this has sparked a backlash from some fans with them going so far as to accuse the show of queerbaiting as the show never explicitly confirms the characters’ sexuality. This then led to a backlash to the backlash, sparking a whole debate as to what constitutes good LGBT representation. Not only that, Neil Gaiman, the showrunner and original co-author of Good Omens, has stubbornly refused to confirm one way or the other whether or not Aziraphale and Crowley are more than just good friends, which has added further fuel to the fire.

Now before we go any further, I just want to disavow one argument that I see cropping up a lot and that really gets under my skin. That Aziraphale and Crowley can’t possibly be gay because they’re not men. They’re genderless beings that feel no sexual attraction. The implication being that the characters are asexual, but the way you hear people going on about it, the Ineffable Husbands seem less asexual and more like soulless robots. First off, you do know asexual people feel love too, right? We’re not Vulcans. Second, can we stop this ridiculous logic that they can’t be gay because they’re not men? It reminds me of the ‘controversy’ that surrounded Mass Effect 3 when BioWare confirmed that you could play as a gay male Commander Shepard. When people pointed out to the critics and haters that you could already play as a gay Shepard if you picked FemShep and pursued Liara, they retorted by saying that Liara doesn’t count as a woman because she’s a ‘monogendered alien.’ And my response to that was... so? She still looks like a woman and she still uses female pronouns. If FemShep is attracted to her, there’s a good chance she might be gay. It really is that simple. Aziraphale and Crowley may be genderless, but they look like men and use male pronouns. So if they were attracted to each other, they just might be gay. Period.

Anyway. Tangent over. Lets talk about Aziraphale and Crowley. You might be wondering where I stand on this whole issue. Do I believe that Aziraphale and Crowley are gay? Well honestly it depends on which version we’re talking about here. If we’re talking about the book version, I would say probably not. Don’t get me wrong. I’m almost certain book Aziraphale is gay as there are a number of references that seem to suggest that. His bookshop is in Soho, which is famous for its thriving LGBT community, the narrator mentions him going to a ‘discreet gentlemen’s club’ in the 1800s, and there’s of course this brilliant line:

“Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.”

So yeah. There was never a doubt in my mind that book Aziraphale was gay. (And before anyone comments saying that the next line mentions that Aziraphale isn’t gay because angels are sexless unless they make the effort, let me ask you something. Who, out of all the characters in the book, does he make a genuine effort for? Aha!). Book Crowley on the other hand isn’t quite so clear cut. Sure there are occasional flashes of something, but it could easily just be interpreted as being gestures of friendship rather than romance. Personally I always saw book Crowley as being more aromantic/asexual. In fact their relationship reminded me a lot of my relationship with my best friend. I’m more like Aziraphale, due to being very camp, somewhat old fashioned and often quite emotional, whereas my friend is like Crowley in that she displays a facade of confidence to mask her insecurities and is extremely loyal to her friends. Now please note I’m not trying to destroy anyone’s personal headcanon here. I know for a fact many LGBT people have interpreted and drawn inspiration from Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship for nearly 30 years since the book first came out in 1990, and I wouldn’t dream of depriving anyone of that. I’m just merely describing how I personally interpreted the characters when I read it.

So, while book Aziraphale is almost definitely gay in my opinion, I personally don’t think they were anything more than just good friends. Do I think the same about the TV version? Actually no. In fact completely the opposite. I think TV Aziraphale and Crowley are 100%, unquestionably and unashamedly in love with each other and this view is supported by the extra material Neil Gaiman has written for them, most notably the 30 minute long cold open of the third episode that shows Aziraphale and Crowley’s blossoming relationship over the course of human history, as well as how the show frames them. We hear the kind of swelling, orchestral music you would hear in a romance when Crowley saves Aziraphale’s books from a WW2 bomb, the scenes where the two argue about running away to Alpha Centauri are presented as being like a legitimate breakup (with the addition of some random passerby telling Aziraphale he’s ‘better off without him’), the other angels occasionally refer to Crowley as being Aziraphale’s boyfriend (albeit in a mocking way), and the way Michael Sheen and David Tennant play the characters makes them feel much more like an old married couple rather than being simply friends. There’s even a wonderful moment in the third episode where Crowley asks Aziraphale if he could give him a ride somewhere, to which Aziraphale responds “you go too fast for me Crowley.” It leaves very little room for doubt in my opinion, and yet Neil Gaiman refuses to verbally confirm this, even though the actors and the director have expressed numerous times that they interpreted the characters as such. Not only that, but the writing and filmmaking leaves just enough room for plausible deniability, never explicitly confirming the relationship. So the question remains, does this count as legitimate LGBT representation or is this just a very advanced form of queerbaiting?

Well first it would be useful to talk about what queerbaiting actually is, because a lot of people arguing against Good Omens don’t seem to fully understand the term. Queerbaiting is when a creator hints at a possible same sex romance without ever actually confirming or depicting the relationship. A recent example of this would be Albus Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series. 

JK Rowling first ‘outed’ Dumbledore as gay back in 2007, saying he was in a relationship with the dark wizard Grindelwald, but unless you read the interview, you would never have known this because the book doesn’t provide any sort of hint or clue or reference to that relationship. Worse still, when given the opportunity to rectify this in Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindelwald, Rowling chose instead to downplay the relationship between Dumbledore and Grindelwald significantly. This is queerbaiting. Implying a character might be gay or promising to introduce a gay character only to then backtrack or not fully commit. Another example would be Avengers: Endgame where the Russo Brothers announced there was going to be a gay character in the film only for it to be some nameless guy who’s only on screen for about a minute. It revolves around luring people in with the expectation of LGBT representation only to then snatch it away once they’ve got bums in seats.

(Also, just to clarify, queerbaiting is not when a bisexual or pansexual character becomes romantically involved with someone of the opposite sex. Yes it’s important that we see more bisexual and pansexual characters and yes it’s important we see more same sex couples on screen, but do NOT conflate the two. Deadpool’s pansexuality, for instance, isn’t suddenly invalid just because he has a girlfriend).

So, with this in mind, does Good Omens fit the criteria of queerbaiting. Well the sexuality of the characters are often the focal point of many interviews, with the director and actors explicitly describing Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship as ‘a love story.’ Most notably Michael Sheen, who plays Aziraphale and who has been carrying a torch for the Ineffable Husbands since Good Omens came out. But unlike JK Rowling and the Russos, the makers of Good Omens can back up their words with content. As mentioned above, the way the show frames the relationship makes the implication quite clear. There’s even a bit where Crowley thinks Aziraphale has been killed and he leaves the burning bookshop while ‘Somebody To Love’ is playing in the background. It isn’t really very subtle. So, by my understanding, queerbaiting doesn’t seem particularly accurate when talking about Good Omens. The issue here is one of presentation. The overt subtext is all well and good, but does the fact that there’s no explicit confirmation of their relationship make it invalid? To answer that question, we must look into another relevant term. Queercoding.

Queercoding is when a character is given the traits typically associated with those commonly attributed to gay people, such as effeminate behaviour or ostentatious dress sense. This is used often as a way of getting queer relationships past the censor. Implying a character might be gay without explicitly confirming it for fear of the studio or publisher putting their foot down.

While queercoding is often intrinsically linked to queerbaiting, it’s worth noting that while queerbaiting is always seen as a negative (and rightly so), queercoding is neither positive nor negative. It’s merely a contextual device and can be positive or negative depending on execution. A positive example of queercoding would be Deadpool.

While the Merc with the Mouth has never been officially outed as pansexual, both the comics and the movies in particular have framed him as someone who doesn’t conform to heteronormative expectations. The marketing of both movies present Deadpool in traditionally feminine poses as a way of mocking and commenting on how gender is perceived in these kinds of tentpole blockbusters. The comics often make fairly explicit references towards Deadpool’s sexual flexibility for the purposes of humour, such as in his interactions with characters like Spider-Man or Thor.

The movies follow suit. The first movie is littered with moments where Deadpool alludes to being not entirely straight. He occasionally uses gay slang, we see his girlfriend Vanessa penetrate him with a strap-on during the sex montage, and there are frequent references to how sexy Hugh Jackman is, most notably near the beginning when Deadpool describes how he had to give Wolverine a handjob in order to get his own movie. The second movie meanwhile takes it a step further. Not only is the entirety of Deadpool 2 essentially one big allegory for how members of the LGBT community cope with abuse and discrimination, we also see Deadpool express a sexual interest in Colossus many times, the extended cut even going so far as to depict Deadpool trying to give him a blowjob.

Now as I said, Deadpool has never been officially outed as pansexual. That information comes from one of the comic book writers on Twitter. The comics and movies have never verbally confirmed it. We never hear Deadpool describe himself as such. But to say he’s not queer would be absurd because he clearly is. That’s how he’s framed and presented to us across the majority of media. What makes Deadpool a positive example of queercoding is how we view the character. He’s clearly extremely comfortable with expressing his own sexuality and feels no shame in his antics. While the majority of his queer moments are used for the purposes of humour, we’re always laughing with him, not at him.

Now lets take a look at a negative example of queercoding:

This is Moriarty from the BBC series Sherlock written by Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss. Sherlock is without a doubt one of the worst adaptations of the canon that’s ever been made and the show’s treatment of Moriarty is a big reason for that. When he’s first introduced in The Great Game, when he’s posing as Molly’s boyfriend, Sherlock deduces that he’s gay based on really no evidence at all other than that he puts product in his hair and his underpants are showing. It’s ostensibly playing on that stereotype that any man who takes pride in their appearance isn’t masculine and therefore must be gay. (if that were true then David Beckham would be the gayest man on the fucking planet). While it becomes clear at the end of the episode that this was just an act Moriarty was putting on to fool Sherlock, he never really loses the metrosexual image. He boasts about his ‘Westwood’ clothes, we see him prance and preen like some over the top camp supervillain (more on that later) and he makes numerous double entendres that imply he’s interested in men, specifically Sherlock. There’s even a moment in The Reichenbach Fall where we see Moriarty sitting on a throne wearing the crown jewels. Ha! Do you get it? Because he’s a queen!

What makes this form of queercoding more offensive than Deadpool is, again, how we as the audience are supposed to perceive him. Moffat and Gatiss want us to laugh at Moriarty’s camp behaviour and they clearly find the prospect of shipping Moriarty and Sherlock utterly absurd, as demonstrated in the episode The Empty Hearse where we see the Sherlock fan club suggest Sherlock survived the fall because he and Moriarty were secretly lovers. This bit was there for no reason other than to take the piss out of Sherlock fans who read too much into the show’s intentional subtext. Also, crucially, Moriarty has no real character or backstory other than as a gay stereotype. He’s a lazily written caricature who serves no real purpose other than as a homophobic punchline. There’s a lot more to Deadpool than just being queer. With Moriarty however, there’s simply nothing underneath.

Moriarty is also an example of how queercoding is most commonly applied to villains. There are countless examples of this across various media over the years. The Joker from Batman, for instance. Ursula from The Little Mermaid. Scar from The Lion King. In these cases, whether intentionally or not, queercoding plants ideas of gender identity into the viewers’ heads. A male supervillain like the Joker is presented as being eccentric, arch and incredibly camp while Batman, the hero, is big and strong and serious and honourable. A manly man. Likewise, Ursula is presented as butch and unfeminine, scheming and malevolent, whereas Ariel is attractive and sweet and innocent. The ideal woman. Queercoded villains have been used to demonise the LGBT community for decades by presenting an ideal, hetronormative image of what a man or woman should be like, battling an antagonist that doesn’t fit in with traditional gender roles. Obviously there’s nothing inherently wrong with having a camp male villain or a distinctly unfeminine female villain, but it’s worth bearing in mind where these ideas originally came from and the impact it could potentially have.

So lets bring this back to Good Omens. The queercoding of Aziraphale and Crowley is obvious and it’s never presented in negative terms. (there’s a moment where Shadwell refers to Aziraphale as a pansy, but considering the man is a complete moron who draws eyes on milk bottles and thinks nipples are the gold standard way of identifying a witch, I think we can safely say he’s not to be taken seriously). In fact their relationship is incredibly sweet and endearing. Except... I can understand why Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman weren’t explicit in expressing the characters’ sexuality when the book was first published. It was 1990, both Pratchett and Gaiman were still relatively fresh faces and Western society’s attitudes toward homosexuality weren’t quite as progressive then as they are now. But it’s now 2019. Things have changed. Gay characters are appearing more frequently in books, movies and TV shows, people in general are more accepting of the LGBT community and Gaiman is now a hugely successful author with a lot of influence in the industry. Why not just make the relationship explicit?

Well there are two ways of looking at this. The first is that it really doesn’t need to be explicit. You would never hear a man and a woman talk about how incredibly hetero they are, would you? Actions speak louder than words after all. But when the two characters in question are of the same gender, suddenly the whole thing becomes a massive debate to the point where unless someone comes right out and says they are gay, people simply won’t buy it. Deadpool, tragically, has suffered from this with obnoxious frat boys deliberately glossing over the obvious queer subtext and hijacking the character for their own self-aggrandisement. This really shouldn’t be the case and this whole ‘straight until proven gay’ mindset isn’t the fault of the show. It’s entirely the fault of the viewer. The second involves our last topic of discussion. The Death of the Author. (no pun intended. RIP Pratchett).

Death of the Author refers to a literary essay written by the theorist Roland Barthes in 1967, which argues against critiquing a piece of literature based on authorial intent. Basically, once a book or movie or TV show is released to the general public, any relation to its creator becomes immaterial. The work in question must stand on its own and be judged independently. The intention of the author no longer matters. (I’m simplifying obviously, but that’s basically the gist of it. If you ever get the chance, read the essay yourself. It’s a fascinating read). Gaiman appears to be a firm believer in this philosophy. On his Tumblr account, @neil-gaiman, when asked about the the relationship between Aziraphale and Crowley, he often refuses to comment, invoking the Death of the Author mindset. It’s up the reader/viewer to interpret the characters. If you think they’re gay, then they’re gay. If you think they’re just friends, then they’re just friends. Some could call this a bit of a cop out, and you’re entitled to do so, but I understand where Gaiman is coming from. We’ve seen writers like JK Rowling get into trouble for queerbaiting, saying that she always intended for Dumbledore to be gay, but never actually showing any real evidence for it in the text, and Gaiman doesn’t want to fall into the same trap. Plus it demonstrates that Gaiman respects the views and interpretations of his fans, unlike Rowling who responded to criticism of her queerbaiting on Twitter with GIFs of people sticking their fingers in their ears and ‘blocking out the haters.’

In some ways I do feel very sorry for Gaiman. On the one hand he wants to stay true to his and Pratchett’s original vision, but on the other hand he doesn’t want to disappoint the hundreds of fans who do view the characters as being gay. Good Omens has been cited as an extremely positive influence on many queer readers, some even going so far as to say that it was this very book that allowed them to finally accept their identities and come out of the closet. Heartwarming stories like this can be found all over the web and hopefully many more will emerge now that the TV adaptation has been released. If Gaiman were to suddenly turn around in an interview one day and say ‘oh. No. Sorry. Aziraphale and Crowley were always intended to be just friends. You’re all wrong’, it would destroy people who invested so much in this relationship. Likewise, if he explicitly confirmed in an interview that the two characters are definitely gay, people would either accuse him of queerbaiting if the show doesn’t fully live up to their expectations or accuse him of shoving his political opinions down their throats. He can’t win either way really. That being said, I can’t help but respect Gaiman for sticking to his guns. It demonstrates that he’s confident in his skills as a writer and his ability to make his intentions clear in the text, that he respects the ideas and opinions of his readers and fans, and that he also respects the ideas and opinions of the cast and crew of the Good Omens TV show. While Gaiman has refused to confirm one way or the other, others like Michael Sheen or  director Douglas Mackinnon have made their views very clear. Aziraphale and Crowley are in love. That’s their interpretation and they have every right to it.

So do I believe Good Omens is queerbaiting? In my opinion, no. Does that mean I believe it’s faultless? Again, no. If the intention is to depict Aziraphale and Crowley as being lovers, then I think they could have done a bit more. Obviously I’m not suggesting a full blown sex scene or anything like that. Even something as simple as them holding hands or hugging each other would have done. Some physical intimacy of some kind. Because as it stands, Good Omens does share problems with a lot of other TV shows in how they present same sex couples, in that they’re consciously aware that they are presenting to a heterosexual viewer. This is why a relationship between two women is often sexualised and eroticised for the titillation of straight men whereas the relationship between two men can often be quite chaste. Very rarely do you see two men making out or doing anything beyond a quick peck. Good Omens sadly fits into that camp, though just to be clear, I’m not blaming Neil Gaiman or the show for this. I’m merely saying that this is part of a wider systemic issue that needs to be talked about and addressed as the industry moves forward. (Hell, that might as well be be the title of my entire Tumblr profile). Also, whether you believe the relationship between Aziraphale and Crowley is platonic or romantic, it does not change the impact this story has had on many LGBT readers nor the fact that the story is about love. It’s important to bear this in mind because while, yes, it is important to have this discussion, we can’t lose sight of the positive message it conveys with regards to building bridges and closing divides between opposing groups.

“And perhaps the recent exertions had had some fallout in the nature of reality because, while they were eating, for the first time ever, a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square. No one heard it over the noise of the traffic, but it was there, right enough.”

[lurafita]

Rich!Tony/Artist!Peter, part 2

Go here for Part 1

Okay. Gotta be honest, this part isn’t that much more interesting than the first part was. But I did some actual research for this one and most of the artworks described in the text were inspired (or unashamedly stolen) from this site: https://theartofeducation.edu/2017/10/26/11-fascinating-artists-inspired-science/

So, let’s get this done!

The Art of Science and the Science of Art

While self-satisfaction might not be very virtuous, Pepper couldn't help the proud smirk that spread over her face, as she watched Tony all but fawn over the different artworks.

“Are you seeing this, Pep? This is a glass model of a magnified virus cell. They installed tiny light sources in specific places and angles to show how and where the cell interacts with the human body. And then there is a whole other set of lights and mirrors that indicates which parts are targeted and gradually destroyed by an antiviral drug. Actually, the way the mirrors are positioned here... yep. If you go around the pedestal and look at it from the different angles, it's like a little movie. First you see the lights indicating the parasitic effect of the virus on the body, then the way the drugs counteract the effects, and once you reach full circle; Ah, see here? Now the lights and the mirrors and the shadows create the effect that the virus evaporated. Damn, that's clever.”

Tony walked around the pedestal once more, trying to make out the positions and calculate the angles of all the lights and mirrors used.

Pepper's previous gleeful smirk softened, as she watched her boss move on to the next exhibit, a gorgeous piece created with metals and specially coated glass. The reflected images and light created 'Sun Drawings', that moved and changed in response to sunlight and the passage of time.

Having been Tony Stark's personal assistant for almost 8 years now, Pepper had learned much about the inner machinations of the man. And at his very center, Tony Stark was an engineer. A mechanic. He could talk theoretical physics with the best of them, but he preferred practical results. Tony's work had a purpose, a direct impact.

Which was one of the reasons why he wasn't normally swayed by art.

“Okay, this here? Classic movie effects. Chemical reactions used to visualize the images of a nuclear explosion, but it all happens under a microscope.”

While the billionaire could certainly appreciate beautiful art, something that was nothing more than 'nice to look at' held no value to him. It was the same reason why he had tons of one night stands, and hardly any actual relationships in his life. He was at first attracted to a person's physical beauty, which usually led to sex. But when the sexual need had been sated, mere physical attraction wasn't enough to keep him interested in the person he had bedded the night before.

“Now this, this is art. Applied physics at its finest. Do you see how the magnets interact with and against each others polarity? This is a perfect demonstration of the symbolism behind the theory of gravitational forces.”

It was why Pepper had jumped on the chance to get her hands on the tickets to Peter Parker's first ever art exhibition. He had been steadily making a name for himself over the last two years, and the redhead had seen some of his early works while she was on vacation in Europe. The young man had been set up in a corner of a street market in Marseilles, and with the help of various visual and practical effects, had explained the complex mechanics behind aerodynamic principles, to his wide eyed and utterly fascinated audience.

“A model of Nikola Tesla's early design for a solar collector made by modern computer code. See this section here? That's programming code for data extraction. In this context, it translates to Tesla's attempt to convert the energy of solar rays into electrical power. It serves as a parallel between combining old and new resources. See? This is the kind of art one can actually talk about. Not a painting of a stupid fruit bowl.”

Whereas Tony used his genius and understanding of different areas of science to create and improve, Parker used his to teach and inspire. Parker's art was something that Tony could not only relate to, but also admire, because it had purpose beyond it's beauty.

The hour that Tony had initially given himself to suffer through the showcase had long since passed, as the billionaire found himself unable to curb any of his enthusiasm, as he grew ever more fascinated with every new piece of art. Other people milling about the rooms 'oohed' and 'aahed' as they inspected the different works of the artist, sipping on their glasses of complementary champagne. But Tony doubted they could truly grasp the idea; the genius behind it all.

He was going to buy it all. The whole exhibit. Everything. He wanted those pieces in his company, in his home, in his workshop. He wanted to have the computer coded Tesla piece in his office, as a symbol of Stark Industries work on renewable energy. He wanted to gift the glass model of the virus cell to Bruce, to celebrate the biochemist's latest break through in the field.

He wanted both the magnetic force field work and the microscopic chemical reactions in his workshop, as a source of constant inspiration. His fingers itched with the want to create, the need to pour his skills into his work.

He wanted... He wanted to meet the artist.

When they had made their way almost full circle around the exhibit, they stopped at what appeared to be the last of the show cases. This one was different from the rest. For one, it was made out of Play Dough, though that was a fact Tony only realized by reading the description. How the hell this Parker guy had managed to form a completely genuine looking circuit board out of such an inferior material as children's clay, he could only guess.

He wanted to talk to the artist.

Another thing that struck Tony was that this circuit board looked somehow familiar.

He leaned in closer.

“This one section here looks like a rather awkward welding job. The connections between the wires seem a bit clumped. I would put it down to the use of Play Dough, but the other details on the board are so clean... You know, this looks almost like-”

“-the circuit board you built when you were five years old.”

Both surprised by the new voice, Pepper and Tony quickly turned around. Just a step behind them stood a young man, dressed in a casual but nice enough suit, with deep brown eyes, fluffy looking chestnut hair and a shy smile. Pepper recognized the man she had seen in France right away, and held out her hand to him.

“Mr. Parker. It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Virginia Potts. But please, feel free to call me Pepper. Everyone does.”

The artist took her hand with a pleasant smile.

“In this case, I insist on Peter. And the pleasure is mine, Pepper.”

Tony could hardly wait for the handshake to end, to insert himself into the introduction.

“So you are the surprisingly gorgeous face behind all these beauties. I'm-”

“Tony Stark. I know. I'm a big fan of your work, Mr. Stark.” Parker smiled brightly (and blushing heavily) at him and eagerly reached for his hand. Then he shyly nodded to the pedestal display. “Your earliest work included.”

He wanted...

“Just Tony will do. One question, though. Why Play Dough? I may not have been very skilled with the welding equipment back then, but I do remember using the actual parts needed.”

Peter turned to his work, a helpless sort of smile on his lips, as he explained.

“When I was in my last year of highschool, and it was time to make a decision regarding college, I felt helplessly defeated. Was I supposed to attend one that focused on all the things that fascinated me about science, or one that focused on all the things I loved about art? I didn't know if I would ever be able to meet the expectations others had placed upon me, and the ones I had placed upon myself. I became wary and anxious about every choice I made. Constantly questioning myself if it was worth it to try to combine the things I loved, or if I wouldn't be able to hold on to both at the same time. Science versus art. Wanting to pursue such opposite things seemed ridiculous. But then my teacher gave us the task of writing a paper about a person that had greatly influenced our society and progress. I chose to write about you. And during my research, I found an old newspaper article, front page, about the young Stark prodigy, who was already showing the whole world how smart he was. The ordinary 5 year old makes crayon drawings and forms simple shapes out of Plasticine. A few can already read some of their children's books, but many are still more focused on the pictures in them. But the 5 year old you broke out of the limitations perceived for kids, and defied expectations. And I thought to myself ‘Hey, if Tony Stark can build a circuit board at such a young age, then maybe I can find a way that doesn’t mean I have to give up on one of the things I love.’ So, I guess I used the clay to symbolize what was expected, and your final design to show how you rose above.”

That shy little smile again. He wanted...

“In fact, you have done nothing but risen, Mr.- Tony. You have been a great inspiration for me, over the years. Quite possibly even a bit of a muse, if you will.”

Tony was a bit stumped, honestly. He had never been lost for words before. Thankfully he caught himself quickly. 

He wanted...

“So, philanthropist, billionaire, genius, muse.” (Had he just replaced his usual playboy title with ‘muse’?) “I like that.” (He did.) 

Peter.

“As your muse, I get dibs, right?”

A confused little head tilt. 

Cute.

“Dibs?”

On you.

“On the art pieces.” Tony elaborated with a sweeping gesture of his arm. “They are up for sale, right?

“Oh, yes. It’s uhm... we will hold an auction in a bit, after I have officially introduced myself to everyone here and said a few words.” Peter looked distinctly uncomfortable with that bit.

Tony was just opening his mouth to say something else, when suddenly Pepper inserted herself back into the conversation. (He had admittedly forgotten that she was there.)

“Peter, I think the woman over there is trying to get your attention.”

They turned to see a middle aged woman in an elegant dress, subtly gesturing to him. Peter grinned a bit ruefully as he turned back to his two companions.

“That’s my aunt, and also kind of my manager. I guess it’s time for my big entrance.”

He offered his hand once more first to Pepper, then to Tony.

“Pepper, Tony, again, it was a pleasure meeting you. Since it’s an auction, I can’t exactly grant you dibs, as much as I would like to.” He grinned at Tony. “But about 75% of all our revenues tonight will be donated to The Future Hope Foundation, which is a research center focused on developing cures for different diseases, speacially in children. I will be talking a bit more about that one in my speech, provided my severely repressed stage fright doesn’t hit me in a few minutes. So just know that whatever you decide bidding on, it will be worth it.”

Tony wanted to keep holding on to that hand. A hand that was just as calloused as his own, but still somehow softer and more delicate.

“I’m sure it will be.”

You will be worth it.

Just as Peter turned to leave, he cast one last look at the Play Dough model.

“Take a look at the note beside the general description before things start going, would you?”

Then he and his aunt vanished out of the room, to prepare for Peter’s introduction.

Curious now, Tony and Pepper turned back around to the pedestal and found what Peter had been talking about.

‘Of all my works, this one is my favourite, not only because of what it represents to me, personally, but also because of the person who inspired it. Unlike many of the other pieces, that are named after that which they represent, for this one, no other title than

Indomitable

could have ever come to mind. This is the only piece in the show case that will not be part of the auction. As this one already belongs to Anthony Edward Stark.’

“Pep.”

“Yes, Tony.”

“If I win every single auction bid, which I will, I would be entitled to a date with the artist, right?”

“You are probably still going to have to ask him the old fashioned way.”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you all for coming tonight. Without further ado, it’s my sincere pleasure to introduce you to the man whose art work has brought you all here.”

Tony smiled. “I can do that.”

“I proudly present to you, Peter Parker!”

_________________________________________________________

The End.

Thanks to everyone for reading and liking the story! I hope you all enjoyed it, even though the story ends before Tony and Peter’s relationship really begins.

Thanks to the original prompt giver as well, due to the research I did for this story, I was able to see quite a few amazing art works.

Tagging: @unicornpower5301 -->why isn’t this stupid tag working?

[luninosity]

For @thebestpersonherelovesbucky: here’s the full text of the fake film review I wrote yesterday, for Steadfast...

#

Steadfast Combines History and Heart Into Triumph

 Jillian Poe’s latest directorial effort, Steadfast is at once familiar and unfamiliar: a Regency romance set against the Napoleonic War, full of ballroom scenes and lavish costumes, crackling with politics and passion. It’s (extremely) loosely based on the 1940s novel of the same name, which in turn was based on the historical Will Crawford’s surviving letters and notes, and the romance is real in more than one way—assuming you haven’t been living under a rock, you’ve seen the stories about on-set melodrama: Colby Kent and Jason Mirelli hooking up, being injured, falling in love, and from all reports being blissfully happy.

 Leaving the behind-the-scenes drama aside, the question is: is it a good film?

 The answer is unequivocally yes.

 It’s more than good. It’s a brave film, in the best ways: not only in telling a historical gay love story—and it is very, very gay; Jillian Poe and her cast don’t shy away from sex scenes—but in the raw emotion and power of the storytelling and the relationship. It’s the kind of film that gets remembered as a landmark: what good filmmaking can do. And it’s worth seeing, not only for the attention to period detail or the reminder that gay people (and black people, Indian people, and others; we see an impressively diverse London, especially among Will’s Home Office fellow recruits) have always existed in history, but for the sheer emotional experience. Steadfast is a romance, unashamedly so, and it wants you to fall in love, and you will.

 The casting and the script are spot-on, to start.

 Jillian Poe has her favorite stable of actors, so some familiar faces won’t be a surprise. Colby Kent, also a producer, and given co-writing credit with Ben Rogers, stars as Will Crawford—Rogers and Jillian Poe have independently confirmed that Colby did on-set rewrites, which means most of what we see is likely his. We’ve discussed Colby and the industry and uncredited script work at length back when that news broke, so here I’ll just say that Colby is a better writer than any of us realized—good at knowing and utilizing the source material, but also paring down, choosing the exact right word for each moment, giving his fellow actors dialogue that sounds effortlessly natural. Odds on a Best Adapted Screenplay award or two? Pretty high, I’d say.

 Speaking of Colby Kent, he’s always been quietly excellent on screen, often underrated (that Academy Award loss to Owen Heath should’ve gone the other way, no offense to Owen, who is also generally excellent), and equally capable of adorable clumsiness or aristocratic decadence. You could argue that playing young and wealthy and vulnerable and gay is exactly in his wheelhouse and hardly a stretch, and you might be right—but you would also be wrong.

 It’s an award-winning performance. It’s a master class in complex character acting. It’s compelling and dramatic and the core of the film, at least half of it, more on which later.

 Will Crawford—in ill health, a natural scientist, the Regency equivalent of a rich kid and only heir to a vast estate—might have come across as weak, or naïve and fragile, or in need of rescue. And Colby Kent’s good at fragile and lovely and desperate. But Will’s also a literal genius, determined to be useful, and willing to do anything—including spycraft and affecting the tide of battle and the fate of nations—to protect the man he loves. Colby Kent never lets us forget that, and the character and the story become richer for it. He’s almost at his best in moments without dialogue—I say almost because Colby, as ever, has flawless timing when delivering lines, both the heartbreaking and the wryly sarcastic. But his eyes and expressions say so much that every close-up could be a page’s worth of emotion-filled speeches, except not, because they’re not necessary. He’ll definitely get the Academy Award nomination; if there’s any justice, he’ll also win. Though, having said that, my personal vote might go to the biggest surprise of the film, just because I was so impressed and delighted. But we’ll get to that in a minute.

 The supporting cast is also superb—Leo Whyte, as Jason’s second-in-command, embodies complicated and compassionate loyalty, someone who’d follow his captain into battle and also sympathize with his captain’s difficult love, given his own socially fraught marriage to a poor Irish girl (Kate Fisher, having a marvelous time and some of the funniest lines). John Leigh gives his performance as a conflicted would-be mutineer some delicate nuance—he still admires his captain and ultimately makes a painful personal choice. Jim Whitwell epitomizes workmanlike British gentlemanly acting—though we get a hint of the dirtiness of his profession, and of his sympathy for Stephen and Will, which adds layers to his performance. And young Timothy Hayes is worth watching as Stephen’s favorite optimistic midshipman, with deft comedic timing in the midst of storms and the stalking of a French ship.

 The crown jewel of the supporting cast, of course—and the shoo-in for Best Supporting Actor—is Sir Laurence Taylor, notoriously picky about taking on new projects at this point, but here fully committed to his role as Will’s father, the aging Earl of Stonebrook.

 It’s easy to say that Sir Laurence is a legend, but sometimes we forget what that means. In this role, we remember. He delivers words that cut right through his on-screen son, and by extension the audience; but his anguish and grief are equally genuine: he’s a man who loved and lost his wife, who doesn’t understand his only son and heir, who clings to the need to protect the family name and estate and future, while faced with the dual truths that his son prefers men to women and in any case might die young—of illness, if not from daring the world in Regency spycraft. The Earl is awful and vicious and cruel to Will—but watching Sir Laurence stand at his son’s bedside, or come to the window and silently watch his son depart for London…those moments will make you hurt for him despite yourself, and it’s a virtuoso piece of acting.

 Speaking of brilliant pieces of acting, let’s talk about that biggest (and I don’t mean just the physique, though that can’t be missed) surprise of the film: Jason Mirelli.

 First, a confession: I, like quite a few people, felt some skepticism about this casting choice. That’s not to insult action films as such, and Jason Mirelli’s been a consistently reliable action-hero lead. But it’s a very different genre, and Jason’s previous filmography hasn’t, let’s say, exactly indicated much dramatic range. (Having said that, I’ll admit to unironically loving Saint Nick Steel. Is it ridiculous? Yes. Is it hilarious absurd so-bad-it’s-amazing fun? Also yes. Does it have Jason Mirelli in an artistically torn shirt chasing terrorists through a shopping mall while protecting small children and wearing a hat that makes him the reincarnated spirit of Christmas? Hell yes it does. We watch it every year.)

 If you, like me, were on the fence but willing to be convinced…

 I’ll say it right now: Jason Mirelli should be on that Academy Award ballot alongside Colby Kent.

 He’s the other half of the heart of this film, and the second he steps down from that carriage in the opening shot, he’s commanding the narrative. He’s captured the physicality of a wartime ship’s captain, but more than that, he’s captured the layers of character. Every motion of those shoulders, those eyes, that jawline, all means something—as do the moments when he chooses not to move and be still. Take the moment when he looks at Will in the morning-after scene, which is just a look and a few beats on camera, but Jason’s able to convey Stephen’s love, and wistful frustration over their different social classes, and genuine affection, and fear about Will’s illness, and surprised joy at having someone to wake up next to. It’s a hell of a role—romance, war, leadership on a ship’s deck, the shock when Will falls gravely ill, the emotion of the ending, which I won’t spoil here—and Jason’s a revelation. He’ll have his pick of roles after this, and he’ll deserve the Oscar nod, though it’s unlikely he’ll win—the Academy likes to reward previous nominees and is notoriously skeptical of popcorn-flick pedigrees, and Jason might need to prove himself once or twice more. But he shouldn’t have to. This is enough, and it’s fantastic to watch.

 Part of that epic transformation should be credited to Jillian Poe’s direction. With Steadfast, Poe demonstrates her skill as a director and her ability to handle multiple genres—she started out, you might remember, with lighter romantic-comedy fare, often also with Colby Kent—and her ability to get quality performances from her actors, every single one, every single time. I also wouldn’t be surprised at her picking up a directorial award or two; it’s an ambitious project, and also a labor of love, which shines through in each frame.

 The costuming and sets are as plush and attentive to detail as you would expect from an Oscar-bait period piece that’s a Jillian Poe production—that reputation for perfection’s deserved. The score is, if not anything out of the ordinary for a Regency setting, handled with delicacy and love—the music plays into the mood of each scene unobtrusively and expertly.

 Fans of the novel might have some minor critiques involving the looseness of the adaptation, in particular the ending, which—let me offer a minor spoiler warning, no detail, but stop reading if you want to know nothing at all—adds a final sequence that provides a happy ending for Stephen and Will. Is it book-accurate? No. But I called Steadfast a brave film earlier in this review, and this ending is an act of courage: imagining a happy ending for gay men in history, demanding that their love story end well and with joy. (And Colby Kent personally met with the novel’s famously reclusive author, so for all you purists, this change was made with permission.)

 Those stories matter. Steadfast as a film matters. Go see it. Fall in love.

[taurustarot]

3/17/19-3/31/19

Use your Sun, Moon, and/or Rising Signs for your tarotscopes! The tarotscopes for 3/17/19-3/31/19 were done by using the Fairy Tarot Deck & Angels of Abundance deck. (I was gifted these two new decks which aren’t my usual but wanted to test them out, let me know what you all think!)  

Aries: Ten of Spring, #6 The Lovers, #16 Life Experience.

Recently you’ve been learning how cooperation and relying on others - or delegating at least - isn’t a burden. You’ve finally had enough of not receiving what you deserve despite everything you do and take onto your shoulders. Good for you Aries! You’ve been dragging yourself along under the weight of all your responsibilities and constant seriousness of life and work instead of giving yourself time to enjoy life and reap the rewards of your work now. It might seem that life has been pretty dull for you lately and you’re getting stuck in a rut; but never fear! This time is serving you because you’re learning to play well with others and bring harmony into your life. Aries, a lot of you are starting to see signs of your life partner coming into your life and as an added bonus; they very knowledge of their existence is having you re-examine some old, dead weight beliefs. As we move out of Pisces season you’re experiencing a MAJOR shift. The blessings of your season - the astrological New Year - are not holding back on you. NOW is the time to unashamedly proclaim what you’re manifesting into your life with the utmost confidence that you are deserving of it, especially after how hard you’ve worked. Your season is bring you a lot of eye opening moments and one of them is a spiritual location catching your eye to invoke a desire to travel! Be ready to find your direction in life as well as the people who are meant to share it with you; if you don’t discover all of this within the next few weeks then be aware you are going to receive signs of them and information on them.

Attracting Money: Gratitude List. If you find that attracting financial wealth in your life has been pretty difficult it has to do with the message above. You’ve been working so hard you haven’t had time to stop and smell the roses. The Angels of Abundance Oracle Cards suggest you take time to write a Gratitude List - try to write down five things at least three times a week. Be as detailed as you can so when you go over the list again in the future you can feel the same joy! Writing this list will instantly raise your vibrations, keep you focused on that feeling of joy and even freedom you’re seeking to continue experience and most importantly: remind you that joy is all around you and always at the tip of your fingers.

Taurus: #14 Balance, Nine of Autumn, Prince of Autumn.

These next weeks as we go from Pisces season into Aries - the astrological new year might have you at a crossroads. You’re being faced with a decision or at the very least, a problem to solve that you feel could affect where you go in life. It’s not something to take lightly but it is something you need to be able to release if needed. There’s no need to make a haste decision; instead, seek out external sources who might be able to offer you some insight on the situation and how they view it with you. While no one knows you better than you know yourself, they might pick up on things and offer wisdom that you’re much too close to the picture to see! It’s your attention to detail that’s going to save your day here, Taurus. Additionally, those of you who are embarking or trying to raise up your own business are going to start seeing some of the rewards you’ve been waiting for - take this as a sign to keep going. Aries season will push you further than you would have initially thought to go but it’s a lesson your big brother is coaxing you into. A common theme along these cards is that only one being is present at the time; take care of yourself and know that while you are never truly alone - you are at your best when given some time to work through things on your own. Be careful not to over reward yourself for a job well done; stay humble.

Attracting Money: Moonlighting. Staying true to your roots and need for stability; the Moonlighting card offers one strong piece of advice. . . Don’t quit your day job (just yet!) As you reach for the Moon with your dreams, remind yourself that you do still have bills to pay and as an Earth sign you’ve got some hard work ahead of you to make your dreams come true. They will come true but it’s important to also stay in the present as you work towards them. Make moves full of trust towards your dreams and know that they will come to fruition but until then there are still responsibilities that need to be taken care of. Find balance between work and self-improvement.

Gemini: Ten of Winter, Six of Autumn, Princess of Autumn.

As Pisces season ends; so does their hold on your reality. During Pisces season you may have been affected through the things that Pisces rules: you may have been emotional, more prone to insomnia or restlessness, and may have even indulged in a vice or two. The bright side here is that the next two weeks will be moving you away from this time and will be ending any negative routines you’ve developed. Your problems are over, Gemini! You’re also learning more about karma and the fact that she’s been keeping her eye on you; the good you have done for the world will return to you soon but this doesn’t mean you should stop doing good or start doing it only for what it brings back. When you leave your pride and selfishness behind; you become blessed with the best karma there is. There’s a strong sense of job change - be it to another location, starting your own business, or even a promotion - in the air! If you aren’t working but are attending school then know you’ll be acknowledged with the possibility of a scholarship. Keep your head firmly on your shoulders because the next few weeks require careful thinking and planning.

Attracting Money: Dreams of Abundance. If you’ve learned anything from Pisces and their season; hopefully it’s how much power dreams have to them. Learn to daydream; learn to direct your dreams (perhaps sleeping with your intention under your pillow!). This card itself, “Dreams of Abundance” suggests that you take note of the dreams that come to you naturally because they might have some insight on what your missing or need in order to succeed.

Cancer: #7 The Chariot, Eight of Autumn, Five of Summer.

Cancer, the Astrological New Year is all about controlling yourself. The situations you put yourself, the situations you are put into it, the people you allow in your life, the way you treat those people and the way you set boundaries and limitations for how you can be treated. You’re getting touch with your beliefs again; especially the belief that every road leads somewhere, that there is a reason somebody is your life - even if you don’t yet know what that reason is. It’s because of that belief, you’ve decided to revisit something of the past. And for once, it really does benefit you. If you’re looking to go back to school, or start an internship, even giving love to an old project of yours or simply getting back into old hobby/routine that used to bring you joy then you’re on the right track! Stop focusing on the negativity in your present, all it does is invite it for the future. It’s okay to bring attention back to the negative aspects of your life but don’t let them control you, your life, your day, your relationships. . .  You have the divine right to be free. Focusing on the negativity can cause you to miss opportunities in your life - especially once in a lifetime ones. When you harp on the bad you are prolonging your suffering and using it as an excuse to stay safe within your cracked shell instead of moving forward to softer waters with less rocks and enemies. These next two weeks will be about cleaning out the people in your life and setting boundaries. . . Finally you are focusing on providing yourself with a healthy lifestyle! Cancer, if everything has a reason then there’s a reason so much wasn’t meant to stay in your life, a reason you’ve been through so much pain. .  . but how do you get there? To the revelation of it all if you aren’t willing to move towards it’s glowing light?

Attracting Money: Savings. Whether or not you’re making big life changes - moving out of your parents house, going off to college, paying for something to enhance your appearance, etc etc - the best way for you, Cancer, to not only attract but keep money in your life is to start saving! Do some savings challenges if you have to or at least start budgeting better so you can save a bit here and there. You can never tell when you’ll need them and if you don’t need them - you’ll have a hell of a vacation! Like attracts like, by having a smile on your face everything you check your bank account that actually has a decent amount of savings in it; you’re attracting even more money your way!

Leo: Two of Summer, #15 Ego, Ace of Winter.

During Mercury Retrograde, you have been a victim of miscommunication Leo. You might have said that came off much worse than you meant for it to sound or you might simply have let your temper get the best of you; regardless of what happen you stirred up some problems and have been involved in others. The good thing is that those problems are finally coming to an end, they’re being resolved and for the most part they are being resolved, even healed! The challenges you must face that have come to light have you wanting to run for the hills especially since they’re bringing up so many emotions that you simply feel you can’t handle them. . . Most of your worry stems from the material security you feel you must have in order to survive. Leo, you’ve placed a lot of emotions into your material items - no matter how big or small - but you’re in the process of a change; if you’re not physically moving than your spiritually and emotionally moving and packing your life up into boxes while being unable to take things with you can take a big toll on your energy: like a lion in it’s cage! While you fear this change at first, that famous Leo ego will step in and remind you: it’s not scary, it’s an adventure in the unknown. Be sure to communicate clearly or do your best to quickly clear up any misunderstandings; give people time to cool off. Admit your wrongs. Separate yourself from the material and learn to forgive as well as to ask forgiveness.

Attracting Money: Visualize Abundance in All Forms. Blessed by the rays of light from your ruling planet - the Sun - it’s time to focus some of the light rays into your hopes. Utilize them; surround yourself in it’s light as you visualize attracting, receiving, accepting, the abundance you need in your life.

Virgo: #10 The Wheel, Three of Winter, #20 Renewal.

As backwards as it might sound - and as backwards as Mercury Retrograde is - you’ve been putting yourself into the past a lot more lately but with the intention of reviewing it honestly in order to make a better future for yourself Virgo, and that is admirable. As you venture between the past and the present, it’s important for you to keep an objective in mind these next two weeks or you will lose yourself in it. It’s helping you to become a stronger person, someone who can handle more and someone who can lay their armor down one day soon and celebrate with their spoils of war! But until that day comes for you there is a lot of reflective work to be done; something that you, as the overanalyzer of the Zodiac hate and love to do. Beginning the 19th you’ll notice that you’re gravitating towards people more, especially ones who appear as the “mom friend” in your life. If you need to be comforted, if you need to be supported then don’t make yourself sick by denying yourself those comforts and simply asking. Trust that the people who care for you want to be there for you but that they need your permission - even with something as small as a smile. Continuing your journey . . with a hint of luck from the Irish it seems that the next two weeks following St. Paddy’s day brings some very good fortune your way. It’s not expected either as it all seems to be very spur of the moment; the wheel never stops spinning and so, life can be rather unpredictable at times. . . As the wheel of the world spins, the wheels in your life start turning as well and there’s no more time for waiting or postponing. Additionally, your freeing yourself from old mindsets here Virgo, and it’s because of this that all this luck is headed your way; rewarding you for learning from yourself. . . Blessing you for accepting those lessons and welcoming in your purpose on this Earth.

Attracting Money: Ask for Your Needs to be Met. While you learn to let others in and ask for help these next two weeks, your manner of attracting money is the same. Don’t be scared to ask loved ones for a little help here and there if it’s dire - but know that you can also directly as the source you believe in, or simply the Universe itself. Be honest and open about your needs. . . don’t plan for them to be fulfilled a certain way, simply accept that they will be fulfilled. Stand proudly as you announce, “I need help. . . I’m requesting help with. . .” because it mean you can finally trust that you don’t always have to rely on just yourself.

Libra: King of Autumn, Nine of Spring, Three of Spring.

There’s been a disturbance in the force, Libra. You feel it clear as day as you try to understand why you feel as though you’ve been pushed into survival mode or at the very least, that your survival instincts have kicked up and made you defensive of your work. In the past, you felt secure when it came to the place you worked, the place you studied, the place you socialized or presented in whatever way it was . . . But now you feel as though you’ve given a good thing up as you began to pursue higher blessings. . . Unable to force your life a certain way, you feel that it’s unstable, unbalanced even which throws you into fear. Breathe in deeply Libra, tell yourself that everything is going the way you need it to go because you are in control of your life and have a plan for it, even if the plan is as simple as “be happy.” Keep your wits about you as enemies make themselves known to you and are exposed for what they have done - especially to you - it can make them desperate. Protect your works, the “fruit of your labors” so to speak, and be patient! Keep planning for the road ahead of you while knowing that as you do good, so is good done unto you. Don’t share credit for your works either; if an idea is yours and you’ve worked hard on it while your partner goofed off and around, simply shading in a logo over and over again and driving you mad then don’t be ashamed to take the credit. It’s yours. As the month draws on Libra, you’re also finding yourself interested in doing things that benefit others and even the environment; you might find yourself recycle more, changing to green friendly, cleaning up a highway, donating to a wildlife foundation or so on. Know that if you do feel this desire; you’ve been guided divinely and should further research it - it may just hold the key to your next project.

Attracting Money: Declutter. Donations, Tithing, and Charitable Work. In order to bring and keep money into your life - especially during these next two weeks. .  You’ll need to put in the work and declutter. (Konmari method, anyone?) Declutter everything; your room, your house, your life, your friends, your schedule. . .  As these two cards came out together, you might find some good in donating things; instead of donating to a Goodwill your old hoodies, you might drive them personally to a homeless shelter and donate them there. . . Being able to see the people you are helping might inspire you or simply raise your vibration in knowing you’ve helped someone else. Your donations, your compassion; they send out energy into this world that can attract even more energy like it. Be kind and in particular for you these next few weeks Libra; be eco-friendly.

Scorpio: Four of Spring, Two of Autumn, Princess of Summer.

As we leave the emotional and self-reflective season of Pisces, a fellow water sign, and enter the the mountains of fiery Aries - you have a lot of emotions going around and the one that sticks out the most is the feeling that you have to catch up and put in the work to make up for the time out you took during Pisces season especially with the relationships that ended. It’s okay to slow down, giving yourself time to be proud of all you’ve accomplished even if it doesn’t seem like much. Some progress is better than no progress. Cutting ties with people over the last few weeks actually leads to you have a much brighter energy during these next two weeks; while you work to get them off your mind you do end up acknowledging you made the right choice by letting them go from your life - especially for those who were in situationships where jealousy played a big factor. On the other hand, the next two weeks require you to keep the same open mind and not force yourself into too many things at once in order to forget the endings you’ve undergone. Keep your time open a bit, be kind to yourself and compassionate to others because you’re social life will be flourishing as Spring makes it’s arrival known! Stronger friendships, wedding invites, party invites, family events, and even a new suitor are on their way. . . You have the next two weeks to get yourself together; opening up a space for these emotional connections in your life.

Attracting Money: Release Jealousy. Instead of looking at others with the desire to have what they have. . . be happy for them! Don’t feel bad for yourself, that you haven’t attained what they have. Everyone grows and flourishes at different paces and you are no exceptions. Stop blaming your mental health days and thank them instead, they’ve kept you sane enough to keep going! Being jealous sends out to the Universe that you are full of lacking with the intention of maintaining your lack. Be honest with yourself during this time. Do you want money? Do you want a vacation? Do you want an invention to take off? Fine. Fantastic! But why can’t someone else have it and you get it as well in your own divine timing? Why must it be one or the other? Be happy for others; their success paves way for your own.

Sagittarius: Eight of Summer, Prince of Winter, Three of Autumn.

Sagittarius, you’ve never been shy when it comes to celebrating your accomplishes but lately you’re wondering what you really get out of them? Where do they take you? In the end, what gets put on your tombstone? “Here lies. . . with X amounts of accomplishments.”? This revelation has even had you looking into the people in your life; who is dishonest? Who isn’t lying but isn’t open when you need them to be? Why do the people in your life make you feel isolated? It’s come to your attention that it’s just not worth it anymore; the natural clout that being a Sagittarius attracts just doesn’t hold the same appeal to you if it can’t be found on a deeper level and so. . . You invite these next two weeks into your life while you begin your transition to a more meaningful life. Focuses change, people leave and new ones are scarcely accepted. You’ve finally made and accepted the decision we spoke about in the last tarotscope and now it’s time to truly deal with the consequences of it. . . Sag, you’re thinking about all of this clearly and making the best intellectually based decisions you possibly can so be proud of that! You’re finally free Sagittarius. No more looking over your shoulder while you agonize over what could be a compromise; instead, you’ve decided to not compromise anymore and do what’s best for you with the knowledge that eventually, Justice is served. The changes in your life are coming and they’re coming quickly with almost no time to catch your breath. Take some of the time you use to think of the changes to think of what your talents and passions are instead, you will profit from them if you dedicate yourself to them now! Where do you want to be in five years? Ten years? What do you want your tombstone to say? The raw talent you have in you can’t be what you survive off; you deserve to thrive off your dedication. Get to it!

Attracting Money: No More Complaining. Sag, that wasn’t a typo. We all know you take a lot on your shoulders but you also have a tendency to cry about it in public - and quite frequently. Stop claiming the negative in your life, stop viewing yourself as the sole victim of things and decide that you’re going to look forward. Forgiving and releasing even if you don’t forget. In order to bring money into your life (or abundance of any kind) there can’t be traces of victimhood; you can reflect on your past to try to better understand it and you can feel hurt by people but you can not harp on it as though it’s your life purpose. Your life purpose is not to be a victim; so what is it? And how do you start getting there? What is your life goal? The next two weeks should be used to cut all negative habits and the prioritized one being to quit complaining

Capricorn: Six of Winter, Three of Autumn, Seven of Summer, Princess of Spring.

For you Capricorn, the cards suggest you’re being treated to a time of balance due to each of the suits being represented. As difficult as it might be for you; try to stay positive and dare it be said - optimistic! throughout these next few weeks; good things and great changes for you including a windfall of money! That’s exciting for you, isn’t it? You can finally free up that furrowed brow on your face and instead, welcome in the warmth of spring which is thawing out your life; bringing you little blessings. It’s essential that you stop putting things off during this time because the next two weeks are a time of preparation especially if you have any thing that will showcase your talents come up. Trust in yourself because your creativity will soar - and you might as well. . . literally! Travel is indicated with the Six of Winter which pictures a fairy on a little boat with only a light to guide him. . . The fairy, just like, is going somewhere that will light up his world. You feel guided to pursue your desires & dreams; to get yourself out there in the world and present who you are. Don’t fear being judged or that it might not be profitable. Tell yourself experience, learning things about yourself are just as profitable as some cold hard cash in your hands because eventually. . . that, at the very least, doubles your worth. Your task for the 17th-31st is to stop holding yourself back because of every little thing, instead; spread your wings and fly!

Attracting Money: Organize for Success. Capricorn, nobody takes profits as seriously as you do. So what are you missing? Why isn’t taking over your life just yet? Why haven’t you achieved your dream of being the Monopoly guy? Simple, you haven’t organized yourself. You haven’t planned for the life you dream of. . . Instead, you give off excuses to yourself like, “I just can’t right now. . . I’m too tired. I’m unmotivated. Uninspired. I’m hungry so I’ll do it later.” and so on. But do you ever actually get to it later? As an Earth sign, you suffer from the need to be surrounded in life’s luxuries and one of them is being able to take your time; yet, you put a deadline on yourself! So which is it? Consider this as you decide if you really do want to welcome abundance into your life and then settle down, creating a schedule for yourself. . . cleaning your room, your work space, getting an agenda and setting yourself up for success.

Aquarius: Queen of Autumn, Four of Winter, #5 Unity.

You may be called to become the living example of “Treat Yourself” but it would be unwise at this time. Avoid making any big purchases or indulging in the lifestyle you’d like to live; think of the Jay-Z quote, “If you can’t buy it twice, you can’t afford it.” You’re tempted to spend the money you have and the money you don’t have this first week, especially when a giving and even “stylish” person enters your life. The influence of the Queen of Autumn also doubles as a being who finds a financial supporter in a romantic interest, all of those “I’m going to become a sugar baby” jokes may have been taken seriously by the Universe - be on the look out! Continuing along the week and entering the next week; you have quite a lot on your mind because you’ve had to put off things due to lack of energy. Your need for sleep and being unable to focus because of your cluttered mind has you unsure if you should make any decisions at all - you would do best to take a small trip (perhaps to a local park or botanical gardens if that’s all you can spare resource wise), meditation,yoga, or even working out could help you clear your mind. Do not be ashamed to take a mental health day if you need it - even if you lay in bed all day. Whatever it takes to feel rested with a clearer mind, you should do. In order to make the best decision possible; you will need to focus on what the right thing is, not just the best thing. . . As confusing as that might be. Consider this: the decision is to buy a $3 ice cream cone or to spend the $3 to buy 3 different cans of food. You don’t get paid for another few days, what’s the best decision to make vs the right decision? The right decision would be to get the can of food - giving up a temporary pleasure for your well being or even your family’s, whereas buying the ice cream might be what you feel is the “best” thing to do because you’re craving it, enjoying it, and it would make you feel better for a bit. You end these two weeks with realizing that the past survived so long for a reason but it also belongs in the past for another reason. . . As the innovator and futuristic lover of the zodiac, you’re faced with the challenge of discovering the good and the bad of the old ways with the new ways; take both perspectives into consideration as you move forward to make these decisions and even more so if it’s something that requires compromise. Leave March with the satisfaction that you’ve learned to view both sides of the story. . . Utilizing them for the right and best reasons!

Attracting Abundance: Clean-Energy Food, Release Resentments about Money.

One very easy and quick way to raise your vibration & clear your energy is to be more conscious of what you’re eating. There’s a strong belief that certain raw foods (depending on their color although there are a few exceptions) correspond to your chakra. For example, if you need to work through and use your root chakra; you might incorporate cherries, blood oranges, red peppers, pomegranates into your diet more. Since “root” is a key word here; you might even look for foods that have been buried deep underground as they grew (potatoes or carrots, anyone?) Cutting out the sodas or the guilty pleasure food you eat nightly as opposed to once a week or less, could have a great impact on your energy which in turn would lead to you attracting abundance more easily. Another suggestion for you to attract abundance - money in particular - until the end of this month would be to work through the negative feelings you have towards money! Consider it; what beliefs did your guardians have about money while you were growing up? What was the financial situation like in your household? How are your savings? Don’t hate money because you feel there’s never enough, because you feel it is the key to happiness. . . Take a deeper look at it, see where your relationship to money began but more importantly. .  how you can change it to make it YOUR relationship with money, the relationship you want!

Pisces: Seven of Autumn, King of Summer, #8 Justice.

As you’ve been working through your issues. . . You’ve also decided to take a step back from living your life. Despite the fact that this would be an issue for just about any other sign, you Pisces have found a way to make your detachment from reality a strength! It gives you a way to process, heal, and even grow. As you live in your fantasy world it’s imperative that you try to figure out whether you’ll be swimming along the ocean’s current or against it. Don’t allow your fears to control you, know that Justice is on your side in this matter so long as you keep yourself focused & with a clear mind. What this means for you Pisces is pretty simple: no more procrastinating out of fear! No more thinking until you you have to start the process over again and then hiding in your head until you feel all of your problems have passed - until you face them head on, they won’t! Be on the lookout for any projects that genuinely call to your soul or even festivals; there might be someone special waiting to meet you there! To survive these next two weeks as we leave your season and enter into Aries. . . make a decision to speak with the truth, with a kind and loving heart at all times and to do the best for yourself as well as others. Despite being the fish who constantly fights to not drown in the waters of their own emotions, you do have a tendency to take it out or even blame others. Make it clear to yourself you’re no longer welcoming that sense of victimhood into your life because you’re taking control of your own life. Be open to any observations or advice a soft masculine energy might provide.

Attracting Abundance: Positivity, Faith, and Optimism.

If you’ve temporarily parted ways with your belief - or at the very least, put them on the backburner. . . It’s time to welcome them into your life. Even if they aren’t the same as they used to be, that’s normal.  . You’ve grown, you’ve evolved, ascended. But welcome faith and optimism back into your life; the emotions from your season are finally relaxing and you can come up to the surface for much needed air. As you do that though Pisces, take into consideration all the wonderful things you have in your life and could bring into your life if you could just manage to keep an optimistic view on life. . .  Reprogram yourself to find the good in life; to look forward to what life brings you, especially when it’s something you’ve been hoping for. Remember not to let self-pity run your life because that is your biggest problem, biggest set-back. Free yourself from the shackles you’ve placed on yourself. When you live under the water your cup might not seem like it’s overflowing.

                            Tip Jar | Paid Readings  | Buy Me A Ko-Fi

[feministfujoshi]

Via AnimeNewsNetwork:

Yarichin Bitch-bu 

TOHO began streaming a promotional video on Saturday revealing an anime adaptation of Tanaka Ogeretsu’s boys love Yarichin Bitch-bu (Playboy Bitch Club) manga. The anime’s “first episode” will be an original anime DVD (OAD) that will bundle with a limited edition version of the manga’s third compiled book volume on September 21.

Ten Count

The wraparound jacket band on the sixth and final volume of Rihito Takarai’s Ten Count boys-love manga revealed on Monday that the manga is getting an anime adaptation.

Dakaretai Otoko 1-i ni Odosarete Imasu

Aniplex opened a website on Sunday to announce that Hashigo Sakurabi’s Dakaretai Otoko 1-i ni Odosarete Imasu. (The Most Huggable Man Has Threatened Me) manga is getting a television anime adaptation that will premiere this year.

Clearly it’s an exciting time for BL anime adaptations! Still, although we could get anime that bring out the best in both series while minimizing their flaws, I’m pretty apprehensive about Yarichin and Ten Count in particular. I would love to see the adaptations throw out the consent issues in Yarichin while maintaining the manga’s irreverent, unashamedly explicit tone, and for the troubling romanticism of Ten Count to be forgone in favor of something darker and more intentional in its depiction of a relationship based in manipulation and unequal power. It’s also possible that these adaptations will be perfectly faithful to the flaws of their source material–we’ll just have to see!

[lumsel]

TF2 is a cutting parody of Overwatch and I can prove it

And when I say parody, I don’t mean it as in one of those “Minecraft Parodies” you see on the youtubes where they switch some lyrics around and call it a day without really commenting on the source material, I mean it as in TF2 is a biting deconstruction of Overwatch and everything it represents. Now I’m sure you have all sorts of questions involving release dates and, I dunno, logic, but bear with me here for a moment because this shit runs deep:

Overwatch’s characters have a diverse range of origins and personalities, presented as the best of the best from all over the world. Artists, Innovators, Heroes, Overwatch lets you play as great people who fight for great causes. Granted, there’s a bit of some weird dissonance between how they act and how they play, we’ve all made jokes about how weirdly cheerful Mei is about killing people, but overall they’re just a bunch of lovable goofs. Hell, even the so-called bad guys are impossible to hate, because they just have so much personality baked into them.

TF2′s cast is comprised of foolish, incompetent mercenaries, who are explicitly not the best of the best but rather a bunch of idiots the Administrator got to fight her pointless battles without any motivations beyond the money they earn. They aren’t lovable; entertaining to be sure, but they aren’t exactly the kinds of folks you’d sit down and have a beer with. Examining them at an individual level reveals further criticisms:

The Soldier’s name is a clear reference to the Overwatch hero Soldier 76, and further comparisons can be made from there. Soldier 76 is a disgraced war vet who takes the world into his own hands, travelling the world to fight evils and save people. The Soldier amps it up to 11; a mentally ill civilian who becomes convinced he is fighting Nazis in a war that ended years ago, and is in actuality blowing up innocents. No one man can understand the complexities of worldly conflicts enough to actively fight for the “right side” without screwing everything up, and the Soldier personifies this notion to an extreme, portrayed as not only insane but also highly jingoistic, alluding to an undercurrent of american exceptionalism that exists in 76′s All-American Hero stylings.

Pyro is a take on Bastion. They’re both unintelligible and gender-indeterminate cuties who retain their innocence in a cruel and brutal environment. Of course, Bastion’s dissonance between its purpose and its personality is played for drama, for how tragic it is that this adorable robot is built only to kill. The Pyro, by contrast, portrays innocence in spite of violence as twisted. Compare their promotional shorts: Bastion’s ends with it deciding against its original purpose (and the purpose it serves in gameplay) and exiling itself to the forest to care for a cute bird, while the Pyro’s portrays the violence and innocence as a symbiotic relationship, showing that they hallucinate the carnage they cause as spreading love and cheer. TF2 tells us that the innocence of a DPS character in a shooter is not endearing but terrifying, because the two aspects cannot coexist without extreme cognitive dissonance. The Pyro can delight in violence because, in their limited understanding of the world, they see violence as delightful.

The Medic lampoons Mercy and to a lesser extent every support character in Overwatch. There is something faintly hypocritical about a character claiming to want to help people as they serve as an accomplice to a violent, bloody war effort. Mercy may rarely score any kills herself, but she enables the continued destruction caused by every combatant she heals. The Medic puts up no such pretense of being a good person, he loves the pain and violence perhaps more than his compatriots who actively dole it out. He is no harmless doctor, he is as great a threat as the men with guns, if not even more dangerous - and he doesn’t even have a damage boost on his medigun. The Medic's habit of experimenting on his teammates for shits and giggles is, too, a joke about Mercy, this time referring to her canon involvement in turning Genji and Reaper into killing machines. 

The Sniper is, like Roadhog, an Australian who is actually a New Zealander who sounds like nothing like either. I don’t have anything insightful to say here, I just think it’s funny.

But the one thing that binds them - the one thing they have in common? They are all sadistic assholes. Every character has a cackling, evil laugh they let out when they’re on a kill streak, they all bask in the glory of slaughter unashamedly and unabashedly - they are guns for hire, after all. In a way, they aren’t so different to the Overwatch cast in this respect; even the bright and peppy tracer has a host of voicelines cheerily mocking the people she has just murdered with her twin pistols. But what TF2 does differently is make this obvious. The nine classes have no purpose in gameplay beyond causing and enabling murder, and rather than distract you from this fact with charming personalities, it lets you pity them as the mean, cruel bastards that they are. These are no “heroes” to be looked up to, they are the waste product of a world better than them.

Overwatch’s map design is beautiful, to be sure, with a clean, futuristic aesthetic and a wide diversity of metropolitan locales to explore. But when you think about it, the levels don’t make a whole lot of sense. The payload maps are all cities that tend to have only one road in them, they’re peppered with hazardous falls despite being mostly innocuous metropolitan areas, and the architecture is often questionable at best. While some maps have a clear goal that the two teams are fighting over, i.e. Volskaya’s factory, some are just places where a fight is happening for no reason. Illios is the perfect example, you go to a well, a lighthouse and an excavation site but there’s nothing to be won in any of the areas. Of course, asking “why are we fighting here” was a mug’s game to begin with - the gameplay in is non-canon, after all.

TF2′s map design is specifically engineered to draw attention to its own senselessness.  The payload tracks aren’t roads, they’re literal tracks, on the ground, which just happen to lead directly to the enemy team’s giant stockpile of explosive barrels. Control points aren’t just game abstractions, they’re giant metal discs on the ground, marked out with hazard tape and set up to display a giant holographic team emblem. One place where they differ is TF2 is not content to allow a map to have no valuable resource in it to be fighting over, even when said dedication raises more questions than it answers. That granary isn’t just a granary, it’s actually concealing a secret spy base. The lumberyard? Secret spy base. Hydroelectric plant, which actually might be tactically advantageous to own? ALSO A SECRET SPY BASE! “Secret spy base” is the punchline to every map’s visual narrative, and serves as a challenge to the philosophy of Overwatch’s design, by implying that those innocuous locales you visit, all those wells and lighthouses, they were actually just secret spy bases this whole time.

Even the art direction in OW’s fascination with a vaguely utopic golden age is reflected in TF2′s usage of idealised 60′s-ea illustration as a clear inspiration. The visual language utilised by a people who were proud of the world that they shaped, despite the festering problems lurking deep within it, is perfect for the ugliness of the TF2 universe. The painterly, illustrative style isn’t used for white picket fences and well-kept lawns, but ramshackle shacks, industrial monstrosities and machines of war. This is no better time nor a better place, it is a war. It is blood and gore and fire and pain and all the worst parts of humanity condensed into bite sized 10 minute matches.

And the war they fight is pointless. Not pointless in the sense that it is non-canon, but that it is canon and yet it still means nothing. It’s a pitiable battle between two brothers over their ancient, useless gravel estate, with all the lasers and rockets only existing to claim more useless gravel. The fights don’t mean anything, the story isn’t important, and the resources aren’t world-changing, they’re just pointless bloodshed for pointless rewards, a hauntingly accurate summation of the philosophy of a competitive shooter.

Overwatch’s world is one like our own, but... different. Set in a fantastic and wonderful future, it portrays a world coming off of the heels of a great robot war. It is populated by robots called omnics, who are either a metaphor for all marginalised groups ever or evil badguy robots depending on the what the writers need right now. In addition, Overwatch likes to add it’s own additional spice to real world locales: South Korea is threatened by a giant badguy robot and has hired professional gamers to fight it, Australia has been devastated in a nuclear holocaust and is now a desolate wasteland, and The Moon has recently been overthrown by sentient gorillas(?) who now rule its colonies. It’s all a bit silly, to be sure, but it’s made with love, and it’s all just so earnest you can’t help but love it back.

In the TF2 community, there is some debate over whether or not Abraham Lincoln inventing stairs as an alternative to the rocket jump is canon information or not. What is definitely canon, however, is that spaceflight was invented in 1900, New Zealand is a once legendary sunken metropolis destroyed by an incompetent scientist, and Amelia Earhart was a hotdog mascot. The world isn’t just quirky, it’s gonzo, with ghosts and charismatic war profiteers and rocks that radiate pure intelligence all being mentioned in the same sentence with nary a wink. 

You can tell TF2′s lead, Robin Walker, was an Australian man angry about the nation’s treatment in Overwatch, because in TF2 Australia is a world leader inventing all of the major technologies in the setting and is the main catalyst for most of the world’s politics. Tellingly, you never actually go to Australia in-game, because the conflict that TF2 portrays is as stated earlier completely removed from anything remotely important in the setting. Of course, Australia is also said to be populated entirely by idiots who get in barfights all the time and choose their king by boxing with kangaroos because if there’s one thing that TF2 avoids like the plague it’s the genuine idealism that Overwatch so loves.

And Overwatch’s incredible technology levels, showing the world of 60 years from now being populated by megastructures, holograms and hovercars, is parodied with the setting of TF2 having all the same, but 60 years into the past. Because Australium, you see. The quaint interpretation of global politics is now extended into full-on alternate history wherein the Space Race was just the US and Russia feebly attempting to measure up to Australia’s impossible standards and Musician Tom Jones is murdered by the Soldier for being his wizard ex-roommate’s new best friend. It shows the inherent arrogance OW painting its own picture of what the world is like by painting that picture onto the past instead of the future, allowing us to immediately understand the contrast between how the authors portray the world and how it actually was - and letting us laugh at just how different the two really are.

This theory would be completely perfect with no holes in it whatsoever, were it not for one key issue: TF2 came out seven years before Overwatch was announced.

There is only one explanation for this: this is a case of analogous evolution where the Overwatch team made many of the same gameplay decisions as the TF2 team but TF2 understood the absurdity of said gameplay and decided to emphasise it whereas Overwatch elected to ignore it and justify its fiction through supplemental material, combined with TF2 actively parodying tropes that predate both games that Overwatch somewhat coincidentally indulges in due to the developers of one intending a dark satirical tone and the developers of the other trying for something more optimistic TF2 was engineered by Valve at some point in the future and sent back in time like a videogame terminator to destroy Overwatch before it was ever born in order to ensure CSGO’s dominance in the competitive PC shooter field. Valve failed to take the key moral lesson away from the first Terminator movie, however - any endeavor involving time travel is doomed to fail from the start, as whatever action you take has always been taken and the past cannot be changed. Just like Robot Arnold Schwarzenegger, TF2 not only failed to prevent Overwatch’s existence, it ultimately proved instrumental in the game’s conception when the spark of inspiration (here representing Kyle Reese) made sweet, sweet love to Jeff Kaplan’s brain before dying in a dynamite explosion. For shame, Valve. I thought you would have learned from Skynet’s mistakes.

[jugs-and]

2016 through music.

I wouldn’t say that music has become less of a thing for me in 2016. Music is great, it’s how I’ve met a lot of people, but I feel I hit a lot more musical dead-ends than previous years. There was this point--multiple points--where I couldn’t really figure what music I liked. It was different from previous years, as I spent more time in search of new music, than having a lot of playlisted albums to listen to. 

Music did not necessarily feel less important to me, it merely was not quite the marker for passage of time as well as previous years. As a consequence, my music tastes were a bit all over the place: I feel I began the year listening to a lot of UK hardstyle and  grime, then I went through a period with very dark, industrial techno, gabber beats--not related to any life event, it was just what I enjoyed at the time. Beyond that, I dabbled in some folk and country towards the end of the year, with some rap/gospel-- a la Chance the Rapper, A Tribe Called Quest both releasing excellent albums. This year ended with a lot of musicals and show-tunes to finish it off.

January - Of all the celebrity deaths this year, nothing topped David Bowie for me on the 10th of January. I actually was listening to “Blackstar” on Spotify the days leading up to his death, after hearing to the title track premiere on BBC Radio in December. I make it sound like a competition, but no other death even came close in 2016. The thing about Bowie was how timeless his music was in its ability to be “pop” and just something off-the-wall completely. It was always so recognizably “Bowie” but never quite tame or relaxed, his music always seemed tense as if in some sort of dichotomy. So long, Starman.

Honestly, the only person that I would be more upset about is if Brian Eno died.

 Lazarus - David Bowie

February - From the sunny glory of January, I got into the groove of a lot of UK hardcore and classic happy hardcore. 

It was really warm this month. I remember trying to build my PC, and walking to R-’s house to borrow his battery pack. That same weekend, I was browsing the hardcore section at Real Groovy. I remember this story specifically because I told this story for Rd- at work. A 30yo.+ guy started chatting to me recommending <those> hardcore mixes--the ones with the salacious covers with cartoon fake tits with suspicious names like DJ Candylicious. I swear I didn’t know this guy.

The gateway into this genre was a RobDaBank mix I was listening to on Spotify, there was an Elf Kid track. I loved the flow and sense of genuine fun, I want to note that I liked it before it became super cool. I can literally trace it back to that one track which made me pull out old Dizzee Rascal, Wiley, Basement Jaxx, Skepta, DJ EZ albums, and ultimately into UK hardcore.

Golden Boy - Elf Kid

March - Early March when I went to see Sufjan Stevens. I went by myself because I bought my tickets incredibly late, it was amazing. The set was the material that dreams are made of, my dreams specifically.

He played through most of his new album with bombast and sincerity. There was a certain restraint to his set considering the content concerning the death of his mother. His encore set was a sparse affair with a three man band armed with mandolin, trumpet and double bass--tracks from Seven Swans, Michigan, Illinoise e.t.c.

I cried a little when Chicago played.

Fourth of July - Sufjan Stevens

April - April was uneventful, I don’t remember very much specifically about these days. I know I actually completed Fallout 4, the first video game in years that I’ve committed time to actually complete. It wasn’t even that great of a game, I generally don’t have the patience or the time to commit to something like that. I tried to replicate this with The Witcher 3--multiple times in 2016, but I have not found success so far.

The Irish flatmate had just moved in and he made it clear that I lacked a certain finesse around preparing potatoes. He set down his phone, he often walked around the flat with music blaring from his phone as if to announce his entrance.

Baz Luhrmann - Wear Sunscreen (Mau Kilauea’s Tropical Remix)

May - A lot of late nights at work. I don’t even remember what I was working on that was so important to warrant late nights. I’m trying to be a lot better with leaving work if I don’t need to do it till the next day. The late nights, I listened to a lot of mixes, and Traumprinz’s RA mix really stood out to me as well as his Giegling mix. There wa s a lot of distractedness digging through his discogs and finding his EPs.

There Will Be XTC is my favourite track that I’ve heard this year. The drum loop is so simple and emotive, the whole track is just so heavy.

Traumprinz - There Will Be XTC

June - While I did say Bowie’s death was incredibly upsetting, I feel the death of Christina Grimmie was probably the most devastating death this year. I don’t think she is quite a celebrity, outside of youtube I don’t think she was particularly well known. The nature of her death was just devastating, and so completely bizarre that it really bothered me for days. The whole fragility and unpredictability of human life still really bothers me.

I remember going to work on Monday after following the news stories, and just completely numb. I don’t really follow her music much at all, she was a relic of a time past. The month just went by quickly marking the halfway point in the year, I worked on some pretty good projects.

Just a Dream - Christina Grimmie and Sam Tsui 

July - Family holiday in New York, we were all walking on the boardwalk at Coney Island and this was playing. It’s all a bit nostalgic, though I’d never been there before in my life. I’d seen the landscapes and the pier that reaches out into the water in so many movies.

The “Cyclone” ride was all the more exhilarating because I feared for my life and safety on that rickety timber framing, than any intended thrills. It was an excellent ride though, there is a certain art to it all.  

Kent Jones - Don’t Mind

August - A close friend got married this month in Devonport.

It was an awesome wedding, it made me really hopeful. The wedding was basically crowd-sourced, and put together for nothing. The entire thing was  fueled by the generous giving of the church I attend. In fact, the wedding date was only decided two weeks before because the church hall they were interested in had an opening.

I woke up early the morning of the wedding, and caught the sunrise from the North Head. The ferry I wanted to catch, I actually missed, and I sat in McDonalds, I bought two Egg and Bacon McMuffins. My headphones had Azealia Banks playing and I remember wearing my Sunday best while clambering up the grassy bank, trying not to mess up any of my clothes.

But oh my gosh, I love this track. It’s so braggadocio and so unashamedly AB.

Azealia Banks - Big Big Beat

September - I did my second Tongariro Crossing. A lot has changed since I did it last--dare I say, it’s a lot easier now, a lot of stairs instead of clambering up half-formed tracks. It was starkly empty compared to the summertime I completed last time. We hired crampons and ice-axes and climbed up Mount Doom. It was a great time, though the weather for long periods of time made it seem unlikely.  

In the car ride down, I sat with Colin. I fell asleep in the front seat, and did that thing where you jerk awake. I also assumed someone’s name wrong because he was Spanish and another guy in our group was Spanish, and they both looked the same. There were a lot of other episodes, including driving down a country road in pitch darkness for fun, and Lady Gaga was playing on the radio inbetween Te Kuiti and the backpackers.

Lady Gaga - Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say) 

October - I ran a half-marathon this month, it was a week after my birthday. My training up to the marathon was a bit stunted with an injury two weeks before the run cutting my plans to a half. The entire run, I was listening to hardstyle, which I hastily downloaded beforehand. There was a Kutski mix from a Dublin show--I was mostly too tired to concentrate on it too much, I remember having to constantly increase the volume higher and higher to keep it having any relevance to my motivation.

Donald Trump won the US Presidential Elections as well this month. I’m probably more upset about it now, than I was on the day itself. His cabinet picks are <incredibly> establishment. It’s all rather disappointing, I just look forward to the resounding loss that the Republican are going to receive next election.

The second Presidential Candidate debate based within a town hall meeting, some writers suggested Donald Trump’s performance was akin to the single mom was summoned to the Harper Valley PTA. Donald Trump was the mirror that highlighted the imperfections of the Republican Party and I’m not sure if I agree. It’s a bit of a desperate comparison, but that Loretta Lynn album is great. 

Loretta Lynn - Harper Valley PTA

November - I went to a Nina Kraviz show. I followed a lot of artists on her Trip label and adored her sets on the BBC Radio Residencies. I actually missed out on tickets initially, I don’t keep up with local music gigs. I don’t keep up because I find Auckland, in general, to be very thin on culture per capita. I did end up snagging some at the last minute off facebook, someone was offering tickets and I messaged him within a minute.

It was great, I loooooove techno a lot. It’s dark, it’s cerebral, it’s spiritual--I just lose myself in it. I missed the set by Bjarki which I am slightly peeved about because I slept from 11pm - 1am because I’m not a weirdo who parties all night. I’m the weirdo on the dancefloor just in another world--actually, I guess there are quite a few of those but on ecstasy.

Ghetto Kraviz - Nina Kraviz (Regal Sad Remix)

The days seemed to be going by so slowly at work. Christmas felt all so close and yet so far away. Desperately slowly. I occupied my days with headphones at work, keeping a low profile and listening to Hamilton. There were days where I would listen to the soundtrack three times to mark the passage of time. When the third listen finished, it was time to go home. Wait For It really stood out on first listen, but Satisfied is the best track for sure, and there are so many good tracks in there. The whole track is just reminiscent of sitting at the office, which is an unfortunate thing. 

Wait for It - Lin Manuel Miranda

December - The last month before the new year. Contrasting the previous month, this seemed to all pass so quickly. Especially that last week, the entire office was rushing projects one after the other for three important client meetings.

At the end of year party, I think I was a bit intoxicated. I hadn’t eaten anything and drank two beer and left pretty early, forgetting my Secret Santa gift and my plane itineraries. I’m back in Wellington for Christmas, my brother is here as well. I’m kind of sick at the moment--I just started sneezing on Sunday, hay fever on Boxing Day, and it just never stopped with the running nose and sore throat.

The first day I felt maybe over 50%, we drove up to the Tararuas yesterday, and just jammed Eminem and twenty one pilots--all the greatest road trip music. I do like this twenty one pilots track a lot--though, I am extremely unlikely to watch Suicide Squad ever.

Heathens - twenty one pilots

Wow. That was long. Hi. 

tl;dr - playlist.