#tinder is making me a horrible person

[andragoras-in-vanity]

okay see heres the think i dont think i actually like being choked (i mean like...i do, but not all the time) im pretty sure if it was during sex id rather just let someone hold my neck, just squeeze it a bit, just enough to remind me they could snap it if they wanted to

[merobot]

Tempted to just try and be like hey can our relationship go back to how it was before you met him and we can just cuddle and hookup and I can pretend you really care about me and what I have to say

[vertigoed]

tinder 2.0 || fuckboy! Gojo satoru

part 1 | PART 3

MASTERLIST

synopsis : in which you match with satoru gojo, tokyos most seeked after playboy

word count: 6,907

summary: fem!reader, drug usage, toxic satoru, **smut at the end **

much to your dismay, satoru didn't respond to your last message, in fact, it had been a couple days since your conversation with him.

you wondered if that means he's given up. you kept telling yourself not to waste your time thinking about it and even went to the length of deleting the app so you would stop checking it every hour.

just like how you had over 100 matches, he probably had thousands and you were nothing but a number to him. after all, tinder was mainly filled with horny people wanting an easy fuck and a quick ego boost and satoru gojo seemed to fit those criteria perfectly.

"so you find any hot guys yet?"

you get pulled out of your thoughts by nobara, who was flicking through a magazine with her feet propped up in your lap.

"no," you scoffed, then you trail off as gojo crossed your mind, "well, there is this one guy..."

"who? are you going to show me the chat? hello?" nobara dramatically waved her hands in front of her face, already impatient for the details.

"don't judge me alright?" you giggled softly, "he's the biggest dickhead and it's disgusting how he talks to women but-"

"less talking, more showing," she snapped her fingers and laid her palm out for you to hand your phone over.

"wait, i need to redownload it," you muttered, hastily opening up the app store.

"why did you delete it?"

"because..." you said as you watch the app download onto your phone, "i was checking the app so often, it was unhealthy."

you passed your phone with his profile opened up and instantly she let out an ear piercing squeal.

"damn," she brings her phone up to her eyes so she could admire every detail of his photos, "how can somebody be this hot? are you sure he's not a catfish?"

"i don't think so, he wanted to facetime me," you said, "but read our chat from the start and you'll probably judge me for liking him."

she clicks on the conversation between you two and you notice that he finally replied. your breath hitched and you leaned over to see what he said.

gojo: lets just skip the facetime

gojo: let me take you out tonight , i'll send you my drivers license is that good enough for you princess?

you open up the image he sent and internally screamed at how perfect he looked in his license photo. you felt your stomach twist and turn at the thought of meeting up with him as you tried to envision what he would even be like in real life.

"you need to fuck him," she looks up from your phone with a serious expression, "if any other men spoke to me like that, it's a hell no. but he's an exception, i don't blame you. plus, it's tinder, who cares if he skipped the small talk."

"i'm so glad you understand me," you felt a sense of relief to hear nobara say those words. you leaned back into the sofa, clutching a pillow tightly to your chest.

you don't notice nobara typing on your phone with a mischievous grin and your heart drops when you get your phone back and you see what she had sent.

you: that's good enough for me daddy x pick me up at 8

"nobara!" you shriek, your face heated up and you throw your phone at the ground in horror, "he's going to think i'm a freak! it doesn't even make sense to call him daddy in that context-"

nobara bursted into laughter as she watched you panic, "y/n, he literally asked you for sex, he's going to like it in any context. he's probably jacking off right this second."

"yeah but-ugh, you're so fucking annoying!" your voice was still raised and you let out an exasperated sigh, knowing it was too late to do anything, "i just don't want him to think he's going to get laid, if he turns out to be a horrible person, i'm going to go home-"

"relax and just shut up and get ready," nobara interrupts you, ignoring your glare and pulled you up from the couch.

your friend ignores your protests and forced you to shower so she can help you get ready. you were hoping you'd have time to roll a joint to help you ease the nerves, but nobara took up all the time you had- treating you like her human sized barbie doll.

after several outfit changes and having to experiment with three different makeup styles, you finally met nobara's approval for your 'date'.

"fuck i'm scared," you turned to your friend from the mirror, looking for reassurance. you were wearing a backless long-sleeved top paired with a black midi skirt and a pair of kitten heels. nothing too flashy but not too conservative either.

"geez, you're acting like it's your first time! you look hot as fuck he's probably going to jizz in his pants at the sight of you," nobara waved her hands and rolled her eyes, grabbing your phone to see what he said.

gojo: 5 away.

you gulped nervously and watched the clock by the minute until you heard a car pull in. nobara jumped up, smiling from ear to ear, looking just as excited as you. she started to aggressively pull you to the door to hurry you up, slapping your ass on your way out.

"okay love you bye," you beamed at her.

"call me if anything happens! tell him i got his license and everything!" she calls out after you and you nod.

your eyes fall on the sleek black mercedes parked in front, the exterior was so shiny it seemed like it was just driven out of the show room. your heart begins to race in anticipation and anxiousness as you walk towards the car.

you take a deep breath and open the door, carefully sliding in and the smell of weed and air freshener instantly hits your nose. you're stunned at the sight of him, he was even better looking in real life. his gaze lingered on you, taking in every detail of your appearance with a small smirk on his lips.

"hey," he breaks the small silence, his ocean blue eyes glistening with amusement. his voice brings you back to reality and you feel self conscious, unsure of what he found funny.

"hi," you greet him back. you hated that you were feeling so timid.

his eyes felt like they were burning into your skin as he shamelessly checked you out like you were a piece of meat. your heart stops when he leans in, and your reflexes pull you back in surprise.

his face was now close to yours and he lets out a small laugh before leaning in further to reach for your seat belt and buckled you in.

"i can do that myself," you muttered, tucking in your hair behind your ear, feeling a little embarrassed at your reaction.

"but you called me daddy," he cocks his head to you, feigning a look of confusion, "so i'm just making sure my baby's buckled in safely-"

"shut up!" you cut him off as your face heats up, giving him a small punch on the shoulder.

"getting physical already," he whistled as he began driving, he turns to you with that same smirk that irked you, "i like it. should we just skip the dinner and go back to mine?"

"no," you said firmly in a blunt tone as you tried to pretend you weren't flustered, "by the way, that wasn't me. that was my friend who went on my phone."

"you look hot tonight by the way," he ignored your last comment and casually places a hand on your knee, causing your breath to hitch, "all dolled up for me, i'm so lucky aren't i?"

his palm against your burning skin sent goosebumps up your spine, you look down and couldn't help but admire how big and slender his fingers were. you don't brush his hand off and look out the window. even though he was acting like a jerk within the first few minutes, you secretly enjoyed his relentless flirting.

"i always go around like this," you lied.

"okay, love."

so fucking arrogant, you think disgruntledly.

soon enough, you arrive at the steakhouse you chose last minute. you get out first, smoothing down your skirt as you waited for him. he got out of his car with sunglasses on- which you thought was very strange- and slowly walks over to you.

he places his large hand on your hips and pulls you to start walking. "come on princess, let's go," he said with his eyes straight ahead.

he did this so casually like this was normal for him to be so touchy with someone he just met. you, on the other hand, weren't used to this at all. for 20 years of your life, you've only been with three guys and you made them all wait months to even be able to kiss you.

"why are you wearing sunglasses at night time?"

"because i don't want too much attention," he smiled at you and you scoff but say nothing.

"can i order for us?" he asked once you get sat down at your table, putting down the menu, with his blue eyes peeking up at you from the black-rimmed glasses.

"yeah i guess," you shrugged, "just don't order me something shit."

"that depends on how you'd define shit," he smiled, " two steaks okay?"

"make it rare," you nodded and thank the waiter for pouring the water.

"you like your meat raw huh?" his face was straight but burst into a grin as he watched your reaction slowly change from flustered to offended as your mind registered the joke.

you learn that he was seriously a teacher at some high school, and you let him know you feel bad for his students for having such a perverted teacher, to which he laughed in response.

"of course, i don't say anything inappropriate to the girls," he said, taking a sip of his wine.

"right," you scoffed and let him pour you another glass.

"so why are you on tinder? just for a fuck or hoping to lock down a poor fella?"

"to be honest," you stop to swallow your food and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand before continuing, "i'm just on it because i'm single and bored and the attention is fun."

"fair," he nodded in agreement, "i'm on it just for an easy root."

i didn't ask you jerk. "that's something so obvious that you don't even need to say it out loud," you narrowed your eyes and take another sip of your wine to wash down the food, "especially on a date."

you feel his foot gently touch your ankle, which you ignored and kept eating. you look up from your plate to see him still staring at you and you rolled your eyes.

"can you focus on eating?" you snapped, feeling self conscious with the fact that he was practically watching you eat while his food was going cold.

"it's a shit steak," he chuckled and pushed you his plate, "you want mine too?"

"yeah but don't expect me to pay," you shrugged, taking his steak with your fork and knife.

"wow, you caught me," he places both hands up.

thanks to the three glasses of wine, you warmed up to him fairly quickly by the end of dinner. aside from his frequent sexual innuendos and remarks, he was a nice guy and knew how to actually pay interest in what you had to say.

"i am stuffed," satoru stretched out his arms the moment you exited the restaurant, turning to you with a grin, "you know what else i'm stuffing tonight?"

"you didn't even eat, you just said that so you can make that lame joke," you laughed. it was pretty obvious you were drunk and started to find him humorous.

he smiled and put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his chest. it felt a lot more natural for you to be in his arms now, almost like you've done it a million times in the past. he smelt like a mixture of fresh laundry and cologne, a scent that smelt strangely nostalgic. you lean your head against him, closing your eyes as your vision was slightly blurry.

"don't be falling asleep on me now," he slides his hand down and gives your lower waist a squeeze. you open your eyes and find his mouth hovering over your ear, "save that for after."

you look up at him and those dreamy blue orbs were staring into you through his thick lashes with his lips curled into a small smirk. maybe it was because you were intoxicated, but you swore you could see them sparkling as if they were studded with stars.

he opens the car door for you and helps you get in, buckling you in like he did before.

"you're so confusing, one second you act like a jerk then you're a gentlemen the next," your words were slurred and you poke a finger at his hard bicep, "stick to one personality."

"i treat my woman good, what's wrong with that?" he shrugged, starting up the car. he paused and turned to you with a straight face, "now's your chance to decide if you're sober enough to come back to mine or get dropped off home."

"yours," you answer and his face breaks out into a smug grin.

he begins driving and it wasn't long until his hand found it's way to your leg. his touch felt cold against your hot skin that was burning from the alcohol. you bite the inside of your cheek and press your head against the cool window. your stomach began churning and not in a good way- and that's when you realised you drank a bit too much.

you didn't want to look at him, worried you'll say something stupid as you didn't trust your current state of mind.

satoru started stroking your thigh, you gulp as it slowly inches further up. it wasn't like you didn't want it but right now, you were more focused on keeping your dinner down.

you shift in your seat and stop his hand with yours, still keeping your attention away from him. he looks at you with slight confusion but retrieves his arm, placing it back on the wheel.

"are you feeling okay?" he asked.

"i might've had too many glasses," you shook your head, closing your eyes to ease your pounding head. the smoothness of the car ride was starting to make you feel more nauseous by the minute, "it's this car that's making me sick."

"sorry about it princess," he chortled, slowing the speed down and opened the windows "let me know if you'd like this shitbox to pull over if you need to let it out."

"don't talk about vomiting," you groan as a more intense wave of nausea washes over you at the mention of it

"you can't handle your alcohol can you?"

you don't answer and keep your head out the window, wishing this would pass. your worst nightmare would be to vomit in front of him.

"i'm not usually like this, it must've been something i had," you said.

your hands are gripped onto the car door as you ride the nerves and the car finally pulls into a gated driveway that leads up to skyrise apartments.

he drove into an underground basement and you start to feel a tad better as the car park to a halt. "you good?" he checked in on you again once he's finished parking and you give a small nod.

you follow him out of the car and into the elevator. your balance was distorted and you slightly stumbled as you walked, which satoru took notice of and sighed.

"maybe i should've taken you home," he said, holding you by your shoulders to help you balance on your feet.

you keep quiet and focus your eyes on the marbled floor, grimacing at the sensation of your ears popping as you waited to reach the 40th level.

"i'm not even drunk," you lied straight through your teeth, blinking profusely at him, believing somehow that will convince him of your sobriety.

he chuckled at your statement and grabs your face with one hand, squeezing your cheeks together until your lips were pouting like a pufferfish. he stares down into your eyes with a playful glint, "your face and eyes are red like a tomato, you can't walk properly and you're twitching like you're having a seizure. i think you are drunk."

your jaw dropped at his apartment which happened to be a penthouse overlooking the entire north of tokyo. you had never been in an apartment with such tall ceilings and wide living space and found yourself starstruck at the view of the skyline.

satoru lets out a dramatic sigh, watching you be amazed by his home and plops himself on his beige sofa with his brows knitted into a small frown, stroking his chin, "why would you even let yourself get this wasted?"

"it's my fault?" you look away from the view, voice starting to raise, the alcohol was not helping you control your emotions. you stomp over to him with narrowed eyes, "you are such a fucking jerk, you think i want to feel like vomiting? i told you it's something i had-"

"okay, calm down first of all, i'm sorry," he cuts your rant off and grabs your hands to pull your weight down to the sofa, making you clumsily fall next to him, "and secondly, you can't blame me for being frustrated. you're the one who decided to pretty up like this and now you're too drunk, it's a bit of a tease isn't it? it's not my fault i want to fuck the shit out of you."

even in your drunk state, you were gobsmacked at the way he said it so calmly and confidently. you tried to say something back, but then you feel your dinner churn violently in your stomach, almost threatening to come back up your throat. you start to gag and put your hands to your mouth, turning to satoru with panic.

satoru was visibly freaking out and points to a door down the hallway, "can you make it to the toilet?"

you shake your head and gesture your hand to signal him to fetch you something. he runs to the kitchen to grab a plastic bag and sprints back, but he was too late.

he stared down at cream woollen rug that was soaked in your vomit. the room felt silent, until you feel the second wave of nausea and begin spewing uncontrollably again.

"oh fuck, i'm sorry," you mumbled, groaning as you drop to the floor. you instantly felt better though.

"fuck me," he exhales deeply, pinching the corner of his nose and walked off.

he shortly returns with a towel and tosses it into your pool of vomit.

"just leave it, i'll get somebody to clean it tomorrow," he said, stopping you from cleaning it up and you feel a second towel drop to your head as well as a shirt, "you can use this to shower and change, you got shit all over yourself now."

he noticed you didn't move and pulled you up by your arms, "come on. don't be embarrassed just because you vomit all over my rug that i bought a couple weeks ago."

"i'm sorry," you apologised again, shrugging his arms off, "i'll shower and leave."

he didn't answer and let you walk yourself to the bathroom. you make sure to take a quick shower, hurriedly washing out the vomit in your hair as you didn't want to spend another minute in his apartment. you knew you overstayed your welcome and he's probably never going to see you again.

you didn't have to be sober to take the hint that he was disappointed and annoyed he can't fuck you, you were just wasting his time by this point.

"don't leave," he says the moment you step out of the bathroom.

you pause in your tracks and stopped drying your hair, unsure what to say, and he clears his throat, continuing, "because taxi is going to be at least $300, which i don't want to pay for and i also can't be bothered dropping you off."

oh.

"okay, well, i can't afford that either... i'll just sleep on the couch if you don't mind and i'll catch the first train home," you awkwardly shuffle over. you notice his eyes lingering on your chest and you quickly cross your arm, realising you weren't wearing a bra underneath the white shirt he let you borrow.

"you take what i say too seriously," he said with a strange look in his eyes that contrasted his usual playful nature, "i'll show you the spare room."

you follow him up the stairs and he takes you to a room that was the size of your own apartment, "there's filtered water in the fridge and text me if you need anything," he said bluntly, before closing the door behind him.

you tried not to let his change of tone bother you and laid back on the soft, king sized bed.

"whatever," you muttered to yourself as you stretched your limbs and take out your phone to call nobara. you chew on your lip as you wait for her to answer.

"hello?"

"i vomitted in his house," you blurt out and then explain to her a slight hazy recount of the dinner and how you ended up ruining his expensive rug.

"well, i only got one thing to say," nobara spoke over the phone, "you fucked up bad, if i were him, i'd never want to see you again."

"i figured," you sighed, staring up at the ceiling, "i don't even want to stay the night, i just feel so embarrassed."

"wait, he's letting you stay the night?"

"i mean i offered to leave but he said he can't be bothered to drop me off or pay for my taxi and i can't afford it either.." you replied.

nobara starts laughing, "this guy drives a mercedes and live in a penthouse in tokyo, $300 means nothing to him. he clearly just wants you to say."

you frown at her ridiculous theory, "no you don't understand, he literally said he's annoyed that i got drunk and the way he talks to me now has totally changed-"

"you are so stupid y/n," nobara sighed, "listen, you're sober enough to hold up a conversation. go into his room and fuck him right now."

"what no! did you not listen? i vomitted on his rug, why would he want to slee-"

"don't you want to fuck him too?" nobara cuts you off again, "he's giving you space because he think's you're too drunk, not because he doesn't want to fuck. plus, what do you have to lose? you already humiliated yourself."

you don't say anything and stare at the ceiling in silence.

"live a little for once in your fucking life," nobara continued, knowing you were contemplating your options, "i'm off to bed, don't forget to use a condom."

and with that she hung up, leaving you in deep thoughts. i do want to fuck him, but what if he doesn't want to fuck me anymore?

you shake your head and pulled at your hair in frustration. you hated that you were always full of second guesses and doubts and just like nobara had said, you should loosen up for once.

"okay, i got this," you give your cheeks a light slap to wake yourself up from the drowsiness and inhaled deeply to calm your racing heart.

you were already stumbling down the corridor despite trying to be quiet walk on your tippy toes. you then realised you had no way of finding out which door was to his room and you didn't want him to think you're creeping around his home.

"the fuck am i doing," you sigh to yourself, realising how stupid it was to just knock at his door, and spin on your heels to retreat back to your room.

you jump when you realise satoru was standing at the stairs with a beer in one hand and a blunt in the other. he was changed into a loose t-shirt that hung over his broad frame and tight sweatpants.

"yeah what are you doing? shouldn't you be knocked out from all that vomitting?" he perked at eyebrow at you.

"i-i um was just u-uh seeing if you got," you began stuttering, trailing off as your mind turned blank.

"uh- i-uh?" he mimicked your stutter, making you shoot a fierce glare in his direction.

"i need makeup remover," you announced with your chin held up as you tried to play it off. even though you were in no position to be annoyed, his banter agitated you.

"i got a bar of soap?"

"forget about it," you say flatly, feeling deflated at how pathetic you were acting, "goodnight."

nobara was wrong. it was too late and he was clearly turned off by you. you didn't blame him though, projectile vomiting chunks of steak and chips onto his nice rug wasn't the most attractive sight.

"you want to sit out with me while i smoke this blunt?"

you turn around, "okay," your voice came out cheerful and you quickly adjust your face, not wanting to seem too excited at his invitation.

he led you to a balcony on the other side of the second floor. the scenery of the glistening city lights took the breath out of you, leaving you speechless.

"how the fuck can a teacher's salary afford this?" you leaned over the stone balcony and stared down at the small buildings and the cars that looked like ants.

"i'm a special teacher," he chuckled, taking a seat on his patio couch. he laid his beer down on the table and started to light the blunt, "there's water next to you, you should stay hydrated before you end up vomiting again."

"will you please stop bringing that up?" you rolled your eyes and take a seat next to him, "i swear you're doing it to annoy me."

he smoked his blunt, offering you a puff which you declined. "so what's the actual reason you came out of your room? were you tryna find me?"

"no," you lied, taking a sip of your water to avoid his gaze.

"you're an awful liar," he chuckled, taking a long draw out of his blunt, he takes a couple more draws and sips of his beer before continuing, "why are you sitting so far away from me?"

you look down at the small gap between you two and frown back at him, "i'm literally just sitting next to you."

"not close enough," he murmered and pulled you by the waist to close the distance.

his face was close to yours now and you could feel his eyes staring into you while you kept your head slightly turned. you felt nervous again and felt your hands go clammy.

"aw, you're shy," he said in a low voice, the ends of his lips curled up, "it's cute."

"i'm not being shy," you meekly defend yourself, looking up at him to meet his eyes as you try to ignore the monstrous butterflies eating away at your stomach, "you just... do things out of the blue."

"right," he said and leaned over to the ash tray to put out his half smoked blunt. he takes a sip of his beer again before returning back to his original position, "so do i need to make an announcement before i do this?" his voice low and husky.

"huh?" you barely managed to respond before he pressed his lips against yours. at first, you were too shocked to react, but then you felt yourself melting into him. the kiss was soft and gentle, his large hands cupping your face, but then it deepened, becoming more urgent, his tongue starting to explore yours and his hands move down to your waist, pulling you in closer if that was even possible.

the flavor of him lingered on your tongue - a heady combination of alcohol, mint, and weed. it was a taste that left you craving more, but just as suddenly as it had begun, he pulled away with a grin, leaving you breathless.

"you did it again," you put your hand to your slightly swollen lips and looked away from him, annoyed that he found this to be funny.

"it's hard to control myself around you," he gently grabs a tuft of your hair and pulled at it.

"why do you keep pulling at my hair like that?" you take your hair out of his fingers.

"just trying to show you what i would like to do to you."

just do it, just go for it the voice in your head was getting louder by the second and without thinking, you grabbed him by the neck and pulled him into a kiss.

this time, he wasted no second to explore your mouth. his hands on your get body gets rougher as they explored your body and the kiss gets more aggressive. a small moan escapes your lips when he begins to suck on your neck, causing him to halt and look up at you through his heavy lids.

"you like that huh?" he gives you a crooked smile and shoved his tongue into your mouth, his hand now squeezing your ass with your skirt pulled up. he was kneading it so roughly you were certain your they were going to be bruised the next morning.

you let him pepper kisses down your body, getting up to help him take your shirt off. he stared down at you, taking in the sight of your naked breasts before attaching his lips around your nipple. you let out a yelp as he began sucking on it like he's been starved for days and your hips grind down onto the bulge sticking out of his sweatpants.

he lets out a small growl and tugs at your nipple with his teeth, looking up at you with dark eyes. your hand snakes down his stomach and you grab his cock, stroking it through his pants while peering down at him with your hair and tits shoved into his face. you notice a stain on his pants and smile down at him.

"you know what you're doing," he grunts as your grip around the bulge gets tighter and your strokes get quicker. he shoves you off, causing you to fall back onto the couch, heavily panting as you watch him take his shirt off.

your hands instantly go to his chiselled chest and abs as he leans over you, hands dangerously close to your soaking pussy. you whimper a little as his palms rubbed your inner thighs, hating every second of his teasing.

he smiled against your lips as his fingers slip past your panties. he pulled away and stared down into your eyes as you feel him slowly rub your clit. he loved watching you slowly lose control of your body.

you moan loudly and you push your hip up, wanting more of his touch. "stop teasing me," you whined, feeling yourself get wetter as he softly pressed down onto your sensitive nub. you didn't care if you were stroking his ego, you just wanted to feel something inside of you.

"what's the rush? we got the entire night," he said in a low tone, sporting his signature smirk then roughly pushed your knees wide open.

you gasp at the sensation of the cool air hitting your bare pussy. he doesn't hesitate to shove his face between your thighs, taking a slow and hard swipe between your slits. you feel every inch of his tongue licking up your folds, collecting your juices and sucking profusely on your clit, causing you to whine and moan. the feeling of his tongue dipping in and out of you felt so good, you found yourself grinding down onto him.

"you taste so sweet," he looks up at you, his lips glistening with your juice.

he comes back up and roughly pushes his lips against yours, making you taste yourself. without a warning, he slams his long fingers into you and it wasn't long before you're chanting and screaming his name as he pounds you with his slender fingers.

you've never been touched like this before. treated so aggressively yet be worshipped as if you were a goddess. you feel your wetness drip down your thighs as you clench down onto his fingers, wanting to feel more.

"you're going to cum for me sweetheart?" he whispered in your ear as he feels your muscles spasm and tighten with every curl.

his fingers were so quick yet every stroke was hitting your g spot so perfectly. your hips were pushed up to him as he finger fucks you. watching you while he stroked his own cock through his boxers. the night air was filled with the squelching noises of your dripping pussy getting fucked and your moans, while he muttered dirty things to you.

"i'm going to cum!" you cried and this only made his fingers work quicker.

he attaches his warm mouth onto your pussy again. you gasp in shock at the overwhelming sensation of having his lips suck your clit while his fingers worked in and out of your tight muscles. you find yourself losing control of everything, moaning his name as the euphoria washes over you and you feel your cum oozes out, all the muscles in your body relaxing instantly.

he wouldn't stop sucking your pussy until he tasted every drip of your cum, ignoring your pleas for him to stop as you couldn't take it anymore.

"we're not done," he snarled,taking his fingers that was coated with slick and shoved it past your lips. you suck on it, staring up at him, making him quietly growl and pulled out his cock, stroking himself at the scene of you sucking your own cum off his fingers.

your eyes widen at the sight of his twitching cock. it was the biggest you've ever seen, long and dripping with precum, the tip an angry shade of red and begging to be sucked. he read your mind and brings it closer to your face, letting the tip spread its pre-cum all over your lips.

you open up your mouth and he slides it in, he lets out a long and deep moan as you close your lips around him. it was only halfway in and you were already choking, tears poking at the corner of your eyes as you try to fit him in.

"you're going to swallow my entire cock for me?" he grunts, shoving it further until you had tears pouring down your cheeks, "you're going to be a good girl and make me fuck this pretty mouth of yours yeah/"

you moan at his words, your fingers finding its way down to your clit that was already wanting to be touched again. you shake your head, unable to breathe, as he tries to fit his girth down your throat. he noticed you touching yourself, "you're a greedy little slut aren't you?" he said.

satoru pulls out of your mouth, saliva dripping down your lips as he did so. he gives you a brief second to breathe before he thrusts hard into you again, causing you to gag around him. he lets out a small whimper at the feeling of your throat closing in on him.

he grabs your hair and pulls it into a ponytail as he fucks your mouth. "fuck, you're so fucking good at this," he moaned, shoving you down until your nose was touching his abdomen.

he slides his dick out of your mouth and begins rubbing the saliva soaked tip against your clit. you moan and cry as he repeated the motions, making sure his cock was covered in your slick.

you were so wet at this point, he could slide in so easily but like a true asshole that he was, he continued to tease you until you were practically begging for it.

"i want to hear you ask for it," he smirked, watching himself play with your clit with the head of his cock, "your pussy looks so pretty and wet spread out for me like this."

"satoru, please," you bite your lip as you tremble beneath him. you had never been so desperate to have a cock inside of you, "just put it in, please."

"how bad do you want it?" his voice drops and he inches the tiniest bit into your flaps. this made your moans loudly and you try to push the tip in further but his large hand stops your hip, "don't fucking move. it goes in when i want it to, got it?"

you nod but you're greeted with a slap, "use that pretty mouth of yours to talk."

"y-yes."

"yes what?"

you look up at him through your lashes, your eyes trailed down at the sight of his giant cock pressed up against your opened pussy while he slid it up and down. "y-yes daddy, i understand," you closed your eyes, feeling shy as this was your first time calling someone daddy.

you scream when he slams his entire cock into you, not giving you any chance to adjust to his size. it hurt initially but you feel yourself loosen as he rams in and out of you like a deranged dog.

"oh fuck!" you cried out loud as he continued to fuck you at lightning speed, "fuck, that feels so fucking good daddy."

"yeah?" he snarled, slapping your cheek again, "look at you acting like a little slut right after you've been playing hard to get. i told you that you'd want to fuck. you love this cock don't you?"

"yes, i love your cock daddy," you scream into your arms, trying to hold back the tears.

you felt so dirty to be fucked out on a balcony, knowing anyone could be watching from the neighbouring buildings. satoru pulled out all of a sudden, "turn around with your ass up."

you follow his command and get into position, squealing at the harsh slap against your cheek. he bends down before you and licks your throbbing pussy, giving your clit a few rubs before slipping his cock back in.

"you're stretched out nice and good for me," he muttered as he watches himself slip in and out of you. he groans as he you pulsate around him, stopping for a moment.

you clench yourself down with every stroke, wanting him to pound you harder. "satoru, fuck me," you mumbled, looking over your shoulder.

he slaps your ass again and you let out a small moan from the pain, "you don't call me that."

"daddy, can't you fuck me harder?" you correct yourself, giving him a small pout.

you see his orbs flash with lust and you feel his length slowly pull out then thrust itself back into you, his balls hitting you as he repeated the motion. each thrust was getting harder until your face was pushed into the couch, muffling your screams of pleasure.

"is this hard enough for you priness?" he groaned into your ear, his fingers rubbing figure eights onto your clit.

you nod, your brain was too fucked out for you to say anything. it wasn't long until you find yourself shaking all over his cock, your second round of cum spilling all over it.

he moans in pure bliss at the feeling of your warm cum washing over him and drip out of your hole. he continues to fuck you, slow and hard, enjoying the view of your pretty hole that was drenched in your mixture.

"i-it's too sensitive," you shake your head and drop to the couch as you weren't able to hold yourself up.

"aw i'm sorry baby," he shifts his weight onto you, his cock was pushed so deep inside of you, it was starting to hurt at the over sensitivity, "i'm just enjoying every moment of this, you're going to be a good girl and take it until i cum all over this pretty ass of yours."

you nod and he continues to thrust deep inside of you. his movements start to become uneven and slowed until he hastily pulled out and you feel the hot liquid shoot onto your cheeks.

"fuck," he whined breathlessly, shutting his eyes and throwing his head back.

he quickly grabbed a towel from a basket and wiped you down so you could sit up. both of you were breathless and sweating, unable to talk for a moment.

you feel awkward and hastily pick up the shirt from the ground, pulling it back on.

"i prefer it off," he grinned, still naked from head to toe, "you're sleeping in my bed tonight by the way."

you don't say anything and follow him back inside, letting him hold your hand as you walked.

-

PART 3 OUT

thanks if u read it this far ! im not too happy about this part, kinda feels a bit too long so lmk ur thoughts !!! this is my first time writing smut so she's a little rough but she'll get there

**pls lmk if you want to be added to the taglist**

taglist:

@ritsatoru @loveusatoru @luckimoon @sweetg1rl00 @fonkymonkeyfriday @formulaaoflove @sebastianbblover

[kcyars99]

omg

[Verse 1]

Dear Adonis

I'm sorry that that man is your father, let me be honest

It takes a man to be a man, your dad is not responsive

I look at him and wish your grandpa woulda wore a condom

I'm sorry that you gotta grow up and then stand behind him

Life is hard, I know, the challenge is always gon' beat us home

Sometimes our parents make mistakes that affect us until we grown

And you're a good kid that need good leadership

Let me be your mentor since your daddy don't teach you shit

Never let a man piss on your leg, son

Either you die right there or pop that man in the head, son

Never fall in the escort business, that's bad religion

Please remember, you could be a bitch even if you got bitches

Never code-switch, whether right or wrong, you a Black man

Even if it don't benefit your goals, do some push-ups, get some discipline

Don't cut them corners like your daddy did, fuck what Ozempic did

Don't pay to play with them Brazilians, get a gym membership

Understand, no throwin' rocks and hidin' hands, that's law

Don't be ashamed 'bout who you wit', that's how he treat your moms

Don't have a kid to hide a kid to hide again, be sure

Five percent will comprehend, but ninety-five is lost

Be proud of who you are, your strength come from within

Lotta superstars that's real, but your daddy ain't one of them

And you nothing like him, you'll carry yourself as king

Can't understand me right now? Just play this when you eighteen

[Verse 2]

Dear Sandra

Your son got some habits, I hope you don't undermine them

Especially with all the girls that's hurt inside this climate

You a woman, so you know how it feels to be in alignment

With emotion, hopin' a man can see you and not be blinded

Dear Dennis, you gave birth to a master manipulator

Even usin' you to prove who he is is a huge favor

I think you should ask for more paper, and more paper

And more, uh, more paper

I'm blamin' you for all his gamblin' addictions

Psychopath intuition, the man that like to play victim

You raised a horrible fuckin' person, the nerve of you, Dennis

Sandra, sit down, what I'm about to say is heavy, now listen

Mm-mm, your son's a sick man with sick thoughts, I think niggas like him should die

Him and Weinstein should get fucked up in a cell for the rest they life

He hates Black women, hypersexualizes 'em with kinks of a nympho fetish

Grew facial hair because he understood bein' a beard just fit him better

He got sex offenders on ho-VO that he keep on a monthly allowance

A child should never be compromised and he keepin' his child around them

And we gotta raise our daughters knowin' there's predators like him lurkin'

Fuck a rap battle, he should die so all of these women can live with a purpose

I been in this industry twelve years, I'ma tell y'all one lil' secret

It's some weird shit goin' on and some of these artists be here to police it

They be streamlinin' victims all inside of they home and callin' 'em Tinder

Then leak videos of themselves to further push their agendas

To any woman that be playin' his music, know that you're playin' your sister

Or better, you're sellin' your niece, to the weirdos, not the good ones

Katt Williams said, "Get you the truth," so I'ma get mines

The Embassy 'bout to get raided, too, it's only a matter of time

Ayy, LeBron, keep the family away, hey, Curry, keep the family away

To anybody that embody the love for they kids, keep the family away

They lookin' at you too if you standin' by him, keep the family away

I'm lookin' to shoot through any pervert that lives, keep the family safe

[Verse 3]

Dear baby girl

I'm sorry that your father not active inside your world

He don't commit to much but his music, yeah, that's for sure

He a narcissist, misogynist, livin' inside his songs

Try destroy families rather than takin' care of his own

Should be teachin' you time tables or watchin' Frozen with you

Or at your eleventh birthday, singin' poems with you

Instead, he be in Turks, payin' for sex and poppin' Percs, examples that you don't deserve

I wanna tell you that you're loved, you're brave, you're kind

You got a gift to change the world, and could change your father's mind

'Cause our children is the future, but he lives inside confusion

Money's always been illusion, but that's the life he's used to

His father prolly didn't claim him neither

History do repeats itself, sometimes it don't need a reason

But I would like to say it's not your fault that he's hidin' another child

Give him grace, this the reason I made Mr. Morale

So our babies like you can cope later

Give you some confidence to go through somethin', it's hope later

I never wanna hear you chase a man 'cause his failed behavior

Sittin' in the club with sugar daddies for validation

You need to know that love is eternity and trumps all pain

I'll tell you who your father is, just play this song when it rains

Yes, he's a hitmaker, songwriter, superstar, right

And a fuckin' deadbeat that should never say "more life"

Meet the Grahams

[Verse 4]

Dear Aubrey

I know you probably thinkin' I wanted to crash your party

But truthfully, I don't have a hatin' bone in my body

This supposed to be a good exhibition within the game

But you fucked up the moment you called out my family's name

Why you had to stoop so low to discredit some decent people?

Guess integrity is lost when the metaphors doesn't reach you

And I like to understand 'cause your house was never a home

Thirty-seven, but you showin' up as a seven-year-old

You got gamblin' problems, drinkin' problems, pill-poppin' and spendin' problems

Bad with money, whorehouse

Solicitin' women problems, therapy's a lovely start

But I suggest some ayahuasca, strip the ego from the bottom

I try to empathize with you 'cause I know that you ain't been through nothin'

Crave entitlement, but wanna be liked so bad that it's puzzlin'

No dominance, let's recap moments when you didn't fit in

No secret handshakes with your friend

No cultural cachet to binge, just disrespectin' your mother

Identity's on the fence, don't know which family will love ya

The skin that you livin' in is compromised in personas

Can't channel your masculine even when standin' next to a woman

You a body shamer, you gon' hide them baby mamas, ain't ya?

You embarrassed of 'em, that's not right, that ain't how mama raised us

Take that mask off, I wanna see what's under them achievements

Why believe you? You never gave us nothin' to believe in

'Cause you lied about religious views, you lied about your surgery

You lied about your accent and your past tense, all is perjury

You lied about your ghostwriters, you lied about your crew members

They all pussy, you lied on 'em, I know they all got you in 'em

You lied about your son, you lied about your daughter, huh

You lied about them other kids that's out there hopin' that you come

You lied about the only artist that can offer you some help

Fuck a rap battle, this a long life battle with yourself

Yeah Drake is done ATP just hang it up dude you’re better off doing mainstream pop rap or something

[clubdionysus]

[BAD DECISION #34] Speed Dating

warnings: dating other people rip, 5th muster pied piper jeon jungkook, one my fave ever chapters !! just a really good display of the starluvrs dynamic <3

wc: 5.6k

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

The sound of coffee beans whirring through a grinder obscures the conversations of the couples around you; friends catching up on events of the past weekend, mothers checking in with their sons to make sure they're eating well. There's a complex myriad of relationships within these four cramped walls, unrefined wooden beams and exposed brick providing a sanctuary to escape from the cold winds of the changing seasons.

It reminds you of Yoongi's studio; the slightly woody scent bringing back fond memories - all of which are abruptly forgotten about as Seojoon returns to your table, drinks in hand.

"Thank you," you smile appreciatively as he sets them down on the table.

He was a little late meeting you, thanks to his boss staying late in the office.

"Aiming for a promotion," he had said awkwardly when he was excusing himself. "Up to a senior management position. It's looking promising."

And so you hadn't judged him too harshly for his tardiness. Know that punctuality isn't always your strong point at the best of times. Even if it isn't the best impression so early on in your dating history, you'll let it slide.

You're in the heart of the cafe; privacy not required and not particularly desired either.

It's only your second date. You're still just getting to know one another. Expectations are low, and you're thankful for it. With the mess of Jeongguk and how horribly you seem to have overstepped the boundaries of what a friendship should be, you're glad to be in a situation that comes without complications.

Dating, you think, is simple. Or at least, it should be. You get to know a person, and see if you're compatible. If you're not, it's easy to cut your losses - no hard feelings. The difficulty is when people aren't honest, nor upfront about themselves or their intentions.

Which is why, halfway through your date, Seojoon raises one of his brows in response to your honesty, and asks, "You want me to date other people? In front of you?"

"Well, no," you laugh a little, because the way he phrases it is so... accurate. Setting your coffee down, you're pleased to see that he's smiling. Is obviously taking this in good humour. "I promised my friend I'd help him out with speed dating-"

"Why does he wanna speed date?" Seojoon questions curiously. Thinks the concept is a bit old school - and not in a good way. There's a trivial nature to it. He wonders how likely you'll be able to find a decent match from such a forced scenario. "Can't find a girl? Is there something wrong with him?"

"No," you immediately defend Jeongguk. "He's a barman, and like, not a predator, so his chance to meet people kinda like how we met is limited. Also has, like, a weird complex with tinder. Doesn't like it. Wants to meet someone organically."

"Speed dating is just real-life tinder," Seojoon laughs. "It's not organic."

"Maybe not," you admit, a little dismissive in your tone, 'cause he's being difficult. "But it's real life meetings instead of online, so I think it's a little better."

"And you want me to go... why?"

"Well, 'cause I'm gonna go," you tell him. It's already been decided. Your mind is made up. It's not really a case of wanting Seojoon to go, but knowing that inviting him along is the right thing to do. "And like, it will be fun! I'm not actually gonna be taking it seriously - it's just fun."

"Okay..." He sounds sceptical. "And what about the people who are taking it seriously? What if someone falls head over heels in love with you?"

"Well then you'll have to try extra hard to be the one that I leave with," you tease.

You haven't considered the possibility that maybe he'll find someone else he likes more than he likes you - 'cause you don't actually really care. Not yet. It's too early to be invested. Your guard is still up.

There's something Seojoon finds a little thrilling about your flirtation - but as he sighs, you're reminded of the fact he's older than you. Has a couple of years on Seokjin.

Just like your ex used to get bored of your sometimes childish nature, you fear that the same could be said for Seojoon.

Still, no need to write him off so soon.

Selfishly, you also think that distance is needed between you and Jeongguk - and if you're gonna use anyone as a human barricade, then someone as handsome as Seojoon definitely eases the blow a little.

A cold breeze wafts in through the door as customers leave, but the way Seojoon finally smiles and agrees makes you feel all warm.

"Alright, I'll do it," he agrees. It could be fun. You're fun. Perhaps he does need to lighten up a little. You'd met him when he'd been a few too many drinks deep, and knows that his sober self is far more subdued. Fears that you won't like him as much if he doesn't live up to that first impression. "Where is it? When?"

With an oh-so-pleased grin on your lips, you clap your hands together. "You're the best."

"Tell me something I don't know," he flirts, sipping on his coffee with a slight arrogance. His attitude assures you that no one else will steal any attention from him in the shadowy darkness of a speed dating venue.

And yet when you both arrive at a bar a few blocks from Dionysus the following Friday evening, you find yourself constantly looking over your shoulder just in case Jeongguk should appear.

"He should be here," you jitter about a little nervously, checking the time on your phone. 7:53PM. The event starts in just seven minutes.

"Calm down," Seojoon says kindly, rubbing your arm softly. "I'm sure he's just caught in traffic or something like that."

You nod, tucking your phone into your back pocket. Dressed a little casually in a pair of black jeans with a tight, long-sleeved shirt on top, you're not really trying to attract too much attention. Sure, you're just as glittery as always but it's hardly a cry for attention - it's just who you are as a person.

"Oh, here," Seojoon says as his thumb swipes away a little glitter on your cheek.

The touch should make you swoon. Should make you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. Should have you smitten. Smiling, you fold your arms tightly over your chest.

It didn't make you feel any of those things at all. If anything, quite the opposite.

Perhaps you're being a little pathetic, but your glitter is your warpaint. His preening weakens your defences. Suggests there was something wrong with your choices.

You know that's not what it means at all. You know he was just being kind.

But if you wanted help, you would have asked for it.

"Thanks," you say regardless, because you acknowledge he's being a nice guy. You don't want him to feel like he's not being so, just because of your own insecurities.

"You look nice," he compliments sweetly. "Think everyone here is gonna wanna take you home."

You raise a brow in his direction. Glance around the room, then back to him. There are definitely more women than there are men, but the split isn't too far off. About thirty people, give or take.

"Have you looked in a mirror lately? I've already seen, like, four women give you a double-take."

He laughs, shaking his head.

"Maybe they were looking at you. Plus," he sucks a little air between his teeth, then nods to the door. You turn to see what he's looking at. "Just saw at least three groups of women stop their conversations as soon as he walked in. Might have some competition."

It's hard to pinpoint what you notice first.

Part of you thinks it's the dark leather belt around his slim waist; silver buckle a little aged, sitting perfectly just above the flat path of his body that leads to somewhere you know far too well.

A lot of it could be the black shirt draped over his shoulders - a button-down with small golden polka dots dappling the almost sheer fabric. A small amount of chest exposed, silver necklaces sit prettily against a chest that looks like it's in need of some glitter.

Most of it, though, is his pretty brown eyes that somehow look a little menacing in this low light. Typically wide and doe-like, there's a little something different about them.  Desperately, you have to remind yourself not to curse beneath your breath.

Yet when he gets to the concierge table to sign in, his eyes widen like they so often do, and his nerves are shown in the way he nibbles down on his bottom lip. Eyes glancing around the room, he's seeking something out - and when they land on you, they soften entirely.

"Oh," you simply say. "That's Jeongguk."

And suddenly, Seojoon isn't so sure of himself. Knows he's not a bad-looking guy, but Jeongguk is so insanely different from him. It's not a competition. The two of them are incomparable - and that's why you like Seojoon. You don't want to compare.

"That's your friend?" He double-checks. You nod. Shrug, like you don't get the big deal. Of course you do. You have eyes. "A little warning would have been nice!"

You laugh. "What? He's just a guy. No different to any of the other guys here."

"Oh, we both know that's a lie," he laughs.

"Well, what does it matter?" You tease. "Unless you're trying to score with one of the other girls? You already know I'm not gonna be ditching you for him. Nothing to worry about."

There's a little satisfied smirk on Seojoon's face as he says, "Suppose you're right."

Again, it's not like things between you and Seojoon are deep. Feelings haven't formed to the point of actually feeling territorial.

As he makes his way over to you both, Jeongguk hides his discomfort well. Remembers the conversation earlier in the week when you'd told him Seojoon would be coming. Remember how he'd smiled and said, "Yeah, yeah, no. Sure. Go for it. Invite him. Will be fun."

Then he also remembers the way he'd stood in the shower for 45 minutes completely still with absolutely no cognitive thoughts because everything just felt so overwhelming that he just wanted to think of nothing at all - especially not about you with someone else.

Before he reaches you, the host begins to make an announcement. She welcomes back familiar faces, and introduces herself to those of you who are new. Explains how the evening will go.

There's an equal split; 15 men, 15 women. Decided on a coin toss, women will be the ones to move from table to table. Each person has a number. Yours is 23.

Jeongguk is 7, and Seojoon is 15.

You get three minutes at a table to make an impression, and then you're swiftly moved along to the next person; like a human conveyor belt. Which, in a way, you sort of suppose it is.

The dates start off effortlessly. You've a vodka coke to soften the tension.

None of them are anything to write home about. Of course they aren't. Not when they're competing with two of the most handsome men in the whole wide world.

And so, when you finally get to Jeongguk's table, and he looks at you in the way that he does?

Oh, you'll swoon.

There's not really much thought given to the way he smiles when you sit down; front teeth so sweet and bunny-like as his nose scrunches ever so gently. The domineering, slightly intimidating version of your best friend who had entered the establishment at the start of the evening is gone.

"Okay, okay," he shakes his head. Breathes out a nervous breath. Sorts his posture out. Dramatically waves his hand in front of his face as if he's getting ready for a theatrical performance. "Sorry. Hi. Nice to meet you."

You nod right back. Hide the excitement that's bursting through you like the light of a thousand shooting stars. 

His eyes, somehow, seem to be full of them, too. You put it down to the overhead lamps.

Holding your hand out for him to shake, you nod. "Nice to meet you, too. What's your name?"

Oh, it's dumb. So incredibly dumb . 

"They call me Tony," he bullshits. You know immediately where his chosen name has come from. You've taken the piss out of his doll collection enough times to be vastly aware of exactly who the figurines are.

"Funny," you smirk, leaning back into the chair. There's a menacing quality to your smile. Jeongguk can't stop himself from smiling, again. "They call me Pepper."

Your knowledge of the intricacies of Tony Stark's various love affairs is limited, but you do know one thing; Pepper Potts is possibly the most important of them all. 

You don't mean to insinuate anything more than an acknowledgement of your importance to Jeongguk, but you also don't know the characters as intricately as he does. Don't know that Jeongguk's mile-a-minute brain is only accelerating even further down his path of being hopelessly infatuated with you.

"So tell me, Pepper, what brings a girl like you to a place like this?" He flirts, keeping up the stupid game a little while longer. There are three minutes on the clock. He's making the most of it. Knows he'll wish you were still in front of him as soon as you depart to the next table.

"Got a magnet in my chest," you tell him, reciting lore he told you once when you'd been wrapped up in his duvet, watching MCU films back to back while he'd been studying. "Think there must be some iron around. Can't help but be drawn to it."

He shrugs. Pretends as if the demonstration of the fact you actively listen to him and his passions isn't the hottest thing in the world. "Is that what you're after then, huh? An Iron Man?"

"Maybe," you flirt. "Happen to know where I could find one, Tony ?"

Oh, it's idiotic - and yet you both enjoy the ridiculousness of it all.

Jeongguk smiles. Looks down. Shakes his head. When he looks back up, he's biting down on his bottom lip, but there's a subtle disappointment in his eyes. He's quiet, as he says, "Everyone else is so boring, B."

"You've not met everyone yet," you remind him, but for some reason, you quite enjoy that it's everyone else. You're not included in that. Still, you don't want to discourage him. "And of course you'll have fun with me. You know me."

The clock by the front of the venue continues to tick on. There's only a minute or so left to go.

"I just had a three-minute conversation about porridge," he deadpans. "And before that? Blisters."

"Blisters?"

"Blisters," he confirms with a sigh. "She said her feet hurt and so I asked why and... yeah. Tangent. She wasn't asking me anything back so I just kept asking her more questions about her blisters. Oh, do you get them often? Do you use the special plasters? Like, fucking hell, B."

You're laughing now, and Jeongguk really wishes you wouldn't - mainly because nobody else has found him this funny all evening, and he hates that it's you he's the most compatible with.

From across the room, Seojoon glances over to the sound of you laughing. Is both pleased and disgruntled when he finds it's Jeongguk you're laughing with.

"She definitely thinks you have a foot fetish, now," you tease him.

His cheeks flame to match the colour of the Coke can beside his glass. He decided against alcohol tonight. Knows it's good for lowering inhibitions, but he doesn't want to meet someone like that. Wants to go in with clarity. With a clear head. No distractions or false sense of attraction.

"Fuck," he curses. "She does, doesn't she? That's why she wasn't asking me anything back."

"Oh, she's so gonna warn everyone about it-"

"Fuck," he really whines now. "You gotta make sure everyone knows I don't have a foot fetish."

"Do I?" You smirk. "And don't you have one? I could have sworn-"

"I don't!"

"Sure."

"Since when have I ever done anything with your feet," he hisses under his breath, glancing around to make sure no one hears him.

You just shrug. "You've kissed them once or twice-"

"Oh, please," he scoffs. "That's just cause they were there and I need to kiss something-"

"And you chose my feet?!"

"And you still came, so is this battle you really wanna fight?"

The buzzer on the clock timer sounds, but you don't want to stand up.

You want to bicker with Jeongguk into the early hours of the morning. Wanna bicker all the way to his bedroom - even if he does end up doing unspeakable things with your feet.

It's this realisation that actually makes you stand up.

Your mind flickers between shamelessly indulging how much you like Jeongguk, and reminding yourself that you're here with someone else. Have forced the poor guy into an evening of speed dating.

'Just helping out a friend' had been your rationale, but as you sit down at the table beside Jeongguk and hear him greet the next potential partner, the tremendous upset that washes over you makes it clear that perhaps you'd wanted to keep tabs, too. Make sure that there really is no one he likes as much as you.

You're starting to sound like her, your brain tells you.

And so you greet your next suitor. He's perfectly pleasant. A little older, but still younger than Seojoon. Works downtown at a bank. Plays football normally on Friday evenings, but bailed to come speed dating.

The conversation is nice - but you're not really focused, 'cause you keep on trying to listen in to Jeongguk's conversation instead.

"Yeah, yeah. Dog person, massively. What about you? Cats? Oh cute, do you have one? Yeah sure I'd love to pet it! Do you have any pictures? What do you mean? Not that kind of cat? What do- oh. Oh."

The giggle you splutter is stunted; out of place in the conversation you're having.

Jeongguk glances over to you, and the suppressed smile on your face as you apologise to your 'date' is as clear as anything.

"Sorry, just heard something from another table," you explain. "It distracted me for a second."

And then Jeongguk is smiling too, cheeks a little pink from embarrassment, but the blood from his face has migrated elsewhere. 

It's his heart that swells, now.

Eventually, half an hour later, miles away from Jeongguk, you find yourself right where you should be: in front of Seojoon.

"Well, well," you greet. "Fancy seeing you here."

He smiles as you sit down. He's the last on the row, thanks to the fact he didn't sign up till much later than you or Jeongguk. Again, you'd have been here with or without his blessing.

"Y'know, I think I've seen you around before," he playfully says.

You nod. "In your dreams, probably."

Okay, so it's cheesy - but you're joking around. Engaging in an innocent flirt, just like you should be.

"Probably," he agrees. Takes a sip on his drink. Whisky on the rocks. "So tell me more about yourself."

Unlike your conversation with Jeongguk, you don't lie. Don't pretend to be anyone but yourself. With other people, you don't have to play make-believe. With Jeongguk, you already know that 'you' is not what he's after, so why even bother?

"What's there to say?" You suppose with a flirtatious smile. "Barista by day, art curator by night."

"Oh, a double life," he enthuses. "Burning the candle at both ends?"

"No." You're not sure why, but the question irks you. You don't let it show. "Just like keeping myself busy. What about you?"

"Mechanical engineer by day, perpetually tired old man by night," he says. There's a charm to his self-deprecation, but it only further exacerbates your differences. The night is when you come alive.

"Look at us," you tease. "Both burning the candle at both ends."

Even though it irked you, you play up to his humour. Years working in customer service, and now having to schmooze people professionally for Tae, it comes fairly easily to you.

Seojoon laughs. Shakes his head. Is warm in his tone as he says, "When I get that promotion you won't need to worry about working."

You laugh too, because it's an absurd thing to say. Just a funny little joke.

It's your third date. Kind of. You're not sure if you can count this as one, but you're gonna. He's speaking in hypotheticals. The promotion is grounded in reality, but the rest of it - particularly the part where you're a permanent fixture in his life - is just lighthearted banter.

"And then what?" you banter back. Just like with Jeongguk, you're playful. Perhaps Seojoon isn't too dissimilar from him, after all. "We'll move to the suburbs and have 2.4 kids? I can clean all day and cook your dinner for you?"

"Well, yeah," he says, his smile still present but a little less intentional. "Maybe not 2.4. I'm thinking three."

You shudder.

The idea of your body going through something as traumatic as pregnancy three times doesn't bear thinking about. You're not maternal. Sure, maybe one day, in the very distant future when you're settled and secure - with your own finances, and your own sense of stability. The whole concept of childbirth terrifies you. Having a family is something you'd like, but fuck . It's another fear to overcome - and a hell of a fear at that.

It's one that you haven't given much thought to lately. 

Of course, when you were head over heels for Seokjin, you thought that maybe your life would look a little bit like that. Could imagine him playing tennis with your child on the weekend. The eldest. A boy, maybe. Or maybe a girl. It didn't really matter what you envisaged. Never really thought about it too hard.

"Oh?" Seojoon questions your immediate reaction. "Not want kids?"

"Well not yet," you laugh. Shrug. Grin as you tease. "Got so much I want to achieve first."

"Such as?" he asks, but his smile isn't really as present as it once was. His eyes look a little stern.

You clear your throat. Sit a little straighter.

"Well, my job for starters. Like, I love what I do, but the curation I was telling you about? The art shows I help out with? I think that's what I really love. That's what I wanna do. I just have no idea how to even properly start."

Working with Taehyung to push his art out has been such a rewarding experience. The feeling you get after a successful art show is unlike any sense of achievement a good day at the cafe could give you.

It's something to be proud of. Yes, it's Taehyung's talent that makes the sales, but it's your networking that gets the right people through the doors. A combined effort.

"But it's fine," Seojoon interrupts before you've really finished your rambling. "I mean it. I wanna work hard so I can provide for my future family. If you and me 'go the distance', then you wouldn't need to work."

You furrow your brows. Look quite affronted. "But I want to work."

"But you wouldn't need to," he insists again, broad shoulders straightening out. There's an air of arrogance to the way he wipes his fingers on a serviette and tosses it down onto the table. "I don't want a partner who's never around. Not if we've got kids."

"So you want a housewife?" You almost accuse.

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"Not if it's her choice," you say defiantly. "But it'll never be my choice."

There's silence between you both. Seojoon's eyes drop, but yours continue to burn into him, affronted by his expectations, and the fact he thought perhaps you would ever shape yourself to fit into his idealised version of a woman.

"Okay, so say you get married," you theorise. It's not playful, now. Not like it was. "Get married, and she gives up everything - house, job, finances. All she does is raise your kids-"

"It's not like I'd be an absent father," he argues, but you don't really care. You're annoyed. There's nothing wrong with a traditional mindset, but you've already had one guy try and push what a woman 'should' be like onto you. You're never gonna let it happen again.

"But you'll be working so hard," you pout. Mock. Project a version of the future that you have no way of accurately predicting. "You'll be in the office all the time, and one thing will lead to another and BAM . Workplace affair-"

"I'd never cheat."

"I've been told that before," you say a little flippantly. "It's life. It happens."

"You're not being fair."

"No, what's not fair is that in the divorce she'll be left with fuck all - just your shitty, snivelly kids. No career, no financial security, no prospects, nothing."

Seojoon grates his jaw a little.

"You're projecting."

"And you're forgetting I'm a woman. I've dated corporate men before. I've heard the horror stories."

"This is literally insane," he laughs. "Like, you're crazy. You can't just assume every man is the same."

"And you can't assume that every woman will be happy with the life you want for them," you laugh right back, disbelief taking hold of your emotions. Scoff. Tut. "So fuckin' backwards."

"Well maybe not every man will be happy with the life you want for them-"

"I don't want my future partner to change their goals or aspirations to suit my needs," you remind him. "I just want them to support my goals, too."

Seojoon frowns. "You're making me sound like an asshole."

You just shrug.

"I don't think I'm making you sound like anything," you sigh. Shake your head. Look down to the dinner table and then back over towards him. "I just..."

There's a realisation floundering around you both; a brief peak into what the future could look like.

And neither of you are happy.

"So... Speed dating is fun," he says sarcastically, trying to inject some humour back into your conversation. He's not a bad guy. He's really not. He just doesn't want the same things that you do.

The buzzer on the clock rings.

Your time is up.

Not just for you and Seojoon; but for everyone.

Fates need to be sealed in brown envelopes.

Leaning against a coffee table, you skim over the second-date slip from the organisers. 

On it, is a table listing out every person you dated tonight with a small picture to remind you of them. All you need to do is scribble a big fat cross next to the people you wish to date again.

You put a thick cross in the box next to Seojoon's name, because it feels like that's what you're supposed to do. Hover over the empty box beside Jeon Jeongguk, and hesitate. Half think that you should put a cross in there, too.

If you were to see him on tinder, you'd probably give him a super-like, because it's funny, and what friends do - but this seems a bit more serious than a swipe. So you leave it empty.

Like a black hole, the empty space feels wrong.

But filling it would also be wrong. 

Slip handed back into the event hosts, you go to mingle with the ladies. There's an awkward divide, the men on one side of the bar, women on the other.

"So," a woman not much older than yourself nudges your arm. "Who tickled your fancy?"

You hesitate. Remember that there is a right answer and a wrong answer. "Number 15. Seojoon."

"Ohh, yeah he was dishy," she swoons. "Bit too stiff for me, though."

Laughing at her observation, she isn't wrong. "So who did you go for?"

"Number 7. I forget his name but I don't think it matters - half the women here seem to have put him down!"

When she smiles, there's a radiance to her. She's unjaded. Doesn't seem to harbour the resentment of failed relationships, nor the fracture marks of a broken heart. Someone like her would be good for Jeongguk.

You cast your eyes over to where he's talking to some guy who barely even managed to get you interested in him. Everyone else seems pale in comparison to your best friend. Glancing at Seojoon, you feel guilty. You're the one who insisted that he come tonight, and yet you've spent the entire time running laps in your own heart trying to run away from the undeniable feelings you have for Jeongguk. It's all so fucked.

The only thing that gives you even a little bit of comfort is the fact that you know, for a fact, that you and Seojoon won't work. You'll waste no more of his time.

Eventually, the organisers return. Each attendee is given a small brown envelope with the details of mutual matches in them. If you both chose one another, you'll be invited to stay for a second date - this time without the timer. Everyone else will be given a drinks voucher for the bar on the floor below - either to drown their sorrows or give them a little Dutch courage to try again.

Again, the women congregate. Excitedly open their envelopes. You hold back a little. Part of you doesn't want to see a fate you've sealed, knowing full well that you intend on ending things with Seojoon.

And yet, from across the group, you hear a gasp. "I matched! With 15!"

Fucking ouch.

You twist around to see Seojoon smiling at his sheet of paper, then glancing over - presumably to her, but catching you first. He does, at least, look apologetic. Tilts his head for you to come over.

And so you do.

"Look," he sighs. Offers a smile. "We both know after that conversation that this isn't right for us."

Scrunching your face up a little, you nod. Feel relieved, more than anything. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he says as he lightly nudges your shoulder. "One of the girls here went to my college, so it was kinda nice talking about it with her."

"Makes sense," you accept, relieved that it's working out in the way that it is. "For the record, though, you were my only choice."

"Oh give over," he laughs, only to realise you're being deadly serious. He looks utterly confused. "Not even your friend? Jeongguk?"

Shaking your head, you shrug. Laugh. "I'm trying to help him find a date."

"Okay?" Seojoon questions. "Is that not what a partner should be? A friend?"

"Stop," you smile. "You'll put ideas in my head - and everyone knows ideas are a dangerous thing for a girl like me."

Looking down at you with a smile you know could steal hearts, just not yours, Seojoon agrees. "For what it's worth, I think you'll achieve everything you want to achieve."

You aren't so sure, but you thank him regardless. Encourage him to retrieve his match and head off for a real date. Tell him not to be a stranger, but realistically know that it's all he'll ever really be to you now.

From across the room, Jeongguk looks at you with a perplexed frown. You're running your thumb beneath the lip of the envelope to check the contents. You've no possible matches, not now your only one has chosen someone else.

You scan the room for your best friend and are surprised to see that he's alone. Holding up your empty envelope, you just shrug.

He reciprocates. Holds up his equally empty envelope, and then mouths, "me too."

Tilting his head to the side, Jeongguk doesn't really understand how you both ended up without a single reciprocated interest, even if the science is glaringly obvious.

You didn't put anyone other than Seojoon.

And Jeongguk didn't put anyone other than you.

Though he's too far away for you to hear, you can read his lips as he smiles and says, "Should we go?"

Glancing behind you one last time, the girl who had been speaking to you earlier catches your attention.

"So?" she asks excitedly. Though her matches came up empty - much like everyone else who chose your best friend - she's still pleased for everyone who got a match. She does seem to have forgotten the part where you told her you'd only written down Seojoon's number, but she's been asking everyone the same question. Is bound to have let a few details slip her mind. "Get a match?"

You smile a little, and then simply say, "Yeah. I think I might have."

There are whispers as you head over to Jeongguk. Gossip. Speculations. Why you? Why not them?

And the answer is simple: How would he ever choose someone else?

"So I know this bar," Jeongguk grins as you come within earshot.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mhmm, it's just around the corner. Called Dionysus. I hear they have, like, a super hot bartender."

"Yeonjun?" You question. "He's a bit young for me."

"Sorry, let me rephrase," Jeongguk enthrals, hand on the small of your back as he guides you out of the venue. "A super hot bar manager ."

"Oh shit, you know, it's funny," you banter back. "I hear he's gonna put my drinks on his tab all night?"

You're a sneaky little bitch. He'll give you that much. 

And he'll also give you exactly what you want.

"I think you heard correctly, B."

A small hum of delight escapes your lips as Jeongguk loops his arm around your shoulders. Naturally, your arm wraps around his waist.

"Well, in that case, what are we waiting for?" You giggle. "Let's go get fucked up."

[cascowriteswords]

hi everyone 👋 i wrote something  [[the one where i found this in my google docs from months and months ago and finally finished it and accidentally created a teeny tiny fwb au]]

“Is this why you invited me over?”

Lexa humphs. She tries to take her phone back from Clarke’s grabby little hands but no luck; Clarke uses her shoulder to block her, shoulders rounding as she leans over the phone possessively like Gollum with a ring. 

“It’s not, but - oh, wow, Lex. These are - these are really bad.” Clarke can barely get her words out around the laughter bubbling up from her chest. Lexa’s ears burn and her cheeks pink as she collapses back against the couch, half wishing the cushion would just swallow her whole. She crosses her arms and tucks her chin against her sternum, the definition of sulking while Clarke ridicules her dating profile. She swipes through profile pictures - the main one with Lexa proudly holding an 8lb bass she’d caught last summer, the next of her locked in an arm-wrestling match with Anya, another posing with Lincoln’s golden retriever puppy in the middle of a baseball diamond. 

Lexa thought the pictures were good, making her look attractive and showcasing some of her personality - outdoorsy, athletic, good with animals. 

Clarke apparently doesn’t share her opinion. 

“The fish pictures. What is it with the fish pictures? I thought it was a straight white boy thing but. Well, you don’t quite fit that bill.“ 

“I’ve gotten a lot of matches and compliments on my pictures, thanks. Especially on the one with the bass. Can I have my phone back now?”

“Yeah, I see that. Hm, here - Kylie Jones. Has a boyfriend but wants to experiment if you can be discreet. She’s excited to have found a lesbian that isn’t so ‘butchy’ - her words, definitely not mine. And then Dana Walters, who has a Let’s Go Brandon t-shirt on in her profile pic. Really reeling in the all-around 10s I can see.”

“Alright, that’s enough.” Lexa lurches forward and catches Clarke by surprise enough to wrest her phone out of her hands. She promptly hits the lock button and slips it back into her pocket. “They’re not all like that. I’ve gotten plenty of perfectly nice, fully vaccinated girls replying too.”

“Why are you even on Tinder?” Clarke changes her line of questioning. “I’ve never heard of anything good coming from it. People just use it to hook up.”

Lexa shrugs. “Maybe that’s all I’m looking for. I’m not searching for love.” 

Because she’s already found it. She exchanges a meaningful look with Clarke, who undoubtedly picks up on her unspoken thought. But Clarke had told her she isn’t ready to be with anyone, not yet. 6 months ago. And Lexa’s willing to wait - she knows that Clarke’s ex-boyfriend had cheated on her and understands that she isn’t ready to jump back into dating right away. But she’s also human and has needs and 6 months is a long time. So, Tinder.

Clarke looks thoughtful. She keeps staring at Lexa and Lexa stares back, not quite sure why her heart is beating a little faster in her chest. “So you’re just looking for meaningless sex? No strings attached?” 

“Yeah, I guess.”

“I can do that.” Clarke looks completely serious but Lexa’s certain she must be joking. She’d rejected her when she'd asked her out on a date all those months ago and they’ve been platonic friends ever since, and now this? She’s offering sex? Cannot compute. “You don’t need to go out and meet these random strangers. That doesn’t sound safe, or fun.”

Lexa can think of a dozen reasons that’s a horrible idea, starting with the fact that she’s in love with Clarke and Clarke is not in love with her. It’s a recipe for a disaster. “Uh, it’s nice of you to offer but -” 

“Are you horny right now?” Clarke interrupts, effectively shutting Lexa up. “Because if I’m honest you’ve been driving me nuts in those jeans all day.” Her eyes rake up and down Lexa’s body and Lexa swallows, mouth suddenly dry. Clarke’s hand is on her knee now and she isn’t sure how or when it got there. 

“Clarke, we really shouldn’t,” she says, but she’s unable to keep the hitch out of her breath when Clarke scoots a little closer, slides her hand a little higher. It could be a trick of the light but it looks like her pupils have gotten bigger, infiltrating normally-blue territory. 

“You don’t want to?”

“You know I do,” Lexa laments. “It’s just that -”

“Feelings. I know,” Clarke sighs. She’s rubbing circles over the faded denim covering Lexa’s inner thigh now, absentmindedly. “So you’d really rather fuck some stranger?”

“Not at all,” Lexa admits. “But…” 

“Maybe it would be easier than you think. To separate the physical from feelings?” Clarke suggests. Lexa’s pretty sure sex would just compound her feelings. She bites her lip, torn and uncertain. Her heart and her body want one thing but her head is warning her against it. “Okay. Okay, I’ll stop pushing, I’m sorry. I’m being an asshole. You said no.” Clarke says, smiling in a sweetly apologetic way. She pulls away and returns to her separate space on the couch, sighing, looking adorably flustered. 

Flustered because she wants Lexa. Fuck. And Lexa wants her. So what are they even doing, sitting here feeling tortured? Her resolve breaks quickly. “Okay,” she says. Clarke’s eyes snap up to meet hers, full of question. “I know you said you’re not ready for a relationship right now, but if you feel like you’re ready to sleep together then we can try -”

Clarke is across the couch and in Lexa’s lap so quickly it almost knocks the wind out of her. Lexa had thought she was the only one pining and wanting and lusting after her best friend but despite Clarke’s rejection, she seems equally as desperate and frantic as she crushes her lips to Lexa’s. And fuck, it’s even better than Lexa had imagined it would be. Clarke’s lips taste like her vanilla chapstick and she winds her fingers through Lexa’s hair and Lexa has never felt so consumed by a kiss. So wholly unable to think of anything else, her pulse fluttering wildly as her hands find and settle on Clarke’s hips. Clarke reacts to the touch and grinds down and Lexa is briefly embarrassed by the moan that flies out of her mouth, until Clarke mumbles, “Fuck, that’s so hot,” against her lips. She nips at Lexa’s lower lip then, pulling it between her teeth and biting down just hard enough to sting, eliciting another moan. 

Lexa normally prefers to maintain a little bit more control during sexual encounters, but with Clarke in her lap kissing her furiously and rocking her hips she finds herself more than willing to relinquish some control. Things move fast and slow simultaneously from there, time blurring as they lose themselves in one another, all roaming hands and hungry mouths. After an indeterminate amount of time Clarke reaches down and deftly undoes the button of Lexa’s jeans. Following a quick check-in to which Lexa very quickly consents, Clarke slips her hand under the elastic of Lexa’s underwear and runs her fingers through her, finding her already slick with anticipation. 

“Fuck, Clarke,” Lexa gasps at the sensation, hips jerking involuntarily. 

“I’ve got you,” Clarke murmurs softly, stilling long enough that Lexa opens her eyes, not quite remembering when she’d shut them in the first place. She’s not prepared for what she sees; the softness in Clarke’s eyes as they search hers, the lust and want clear in them but also something…else. Something she can’t quite put her finger on, and she doesn’t have time because Clarke starts moving again and renders her incapable of thinking of anything other than how fucking good that feels. 

“I’ve got you,” Clarke says again, before leaning back in to swallow Lexa’s groans.

Lexa is fucked - literally and figuratively. Because the more Clarke says that, and the more Clarke keeps touching her like that, the more she realizes that ready for her or not, she’s already very much Clarke’s.

[shealynn88]

Tinder (Drarry, G)

Relationships: Drarry Word Count: ~650 Eighth year, post-war, a little dark with a happy ending. For the prompt: Drarry, snarky banter resulting in a kiss to shut them up Thank you so much @phdmama, that was just what I needed.  For anyone else, I'm open (ie, begging) for drabble prompts this weekend, I'm in need of distraction. :)

Harry comes back wrong.

It’s normal to feel this way, his Mindhealer tells him. It’s normal to be on edge. To be furious and terrified and endlessly waiting for the next disaster.

Every single person he sees—in the Great Hall or the eighth year Common Room—drives him mad. They watch him too closely or completely ignore him or treat him like he’s a god or like he’ll explode.  And most nights, he does explode, in the end.  That, or heads to bed early and puts up Silencing Charms to pretend he’s alone.

And so much of the time, he feels alone. Horribly, horribly alone. And he knows it’s his own fault, but he can’t see a way through.

Malfoy, of all people, is the one who finds him.

He's different, now, and he’s none of the things that annoy Harry most.  He’s not tentative and he’s not afraid. He doesn’t pretend Harry’s an epic hero.

After one more outburst in the Common Room, Harry runs into him on the way to the dorms. 

“I see you’re at it again, Potter,” he says dryly. “Well done. Anyone crying, this time? Thanks Merlin they didn’t divide us by house again, you’d give those first years their own personal war trauma. Honestly.”

Harry goes stiff.  “I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask for any of it.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t think they especially asked for it, either. Salazar on a stick, Potter, I don’t know what you’re spoiling for, but you’re going to get the hefty butt of a broom to the back of the head if you keep it up.”

Harry steps forward, dumbfounded and strangely thrilled. “Is that a threat? Are you actually threatening me?”

Malfoy laughs. “Threatening you? With a broomstick?” He leans in, close enough that Harry feels his breath on his face. “If I was threatening you, you’d know it,” he hisses.

Harry grabs the front of his perfectly pressed shirt and pushes, and follows until Malfoy is pinned to the wall and Harry’s close enough to see every fleck of blue in his eyes. “So what are you gonna do, then? How are you going to stop me, if you’re so worried?” How are you going to stop me if I can't stop myself?

Malfoy shakes his head slightly, his mouth twisted in a grimace. “I’m going to do what I always do." He shoves Harry back. "I’m going to show you who you are.”

Something sparks inside Harry when Malfoy shoves him again.

Malfoy nods. “There you are.” Shove. “Go on. Hit me. I know you want to. Come on, do it. You know I deserve it.”

Harry has no idea what Malfoy deserves. He hits him anyway, right in the mouth, and Malfoy stumbles back. He bounces up with fire in his eye, and, Merlin, Harry feels alive again.

Malfoy spits blood. “That’s it, then? Bloodletting? Let’s do this.” He charges for Harry, aiming low, and Harry crouches to meet him, spins him again and shoves him against the opposite wall.

Breathing hard against Malfoy’s mouth, Harry’s the most vital he’s been since he came back from King’s Cross.  He raises one hand and presses a thumb to Malfoy’s swelling lip.

Malfoy makes a soft, high sound, like some tiny animal lost in a hedge, and something happens. Something huge in Harry breaks open, and he thinks he might cry. He might cry and he might never stop.

And then, somehow, Malfoy’s lips are on his, insistent and more real to him than Harry’s own body. 

He kisses back like he's drowning. He opens his mouth and sucks the blood from Malfoy’s lip, and the moan that follows.  He pushes forward and slides his hands up Malfoy’s back, and he holds on for dear life; Malfoy does the same, as if he was lost, too, and is just now finding his way.

“Merlin above,” Harry murmurs, “what was that?”

“No idea,” Malfoy says wetly against his mouth. “Harry. Again.”

What can Harry do when Malfoy uses his name like that? “Yes,” he says, and he kisses Malfoy—Draco—again, and then again. He loses himself, and finds himself, and loses himself again.

It doesn’t matter, Harry realises as Draco kisses hungrily along his jaw. Draco will find him. Draco knows who he is.

[ur-friendly-neighborhood-simp]

What were those theories about atsv you mentioned in the post with my ask? It's the Daily Yappathon™ so feel free to talk as much as you want :3 I'm all ears or eyes since I'll be reading this and not listening

OH YESSSSS >:]

so, miguel is wrong. just, dead wrong.

first of all, hes a fucking psychopath. he was stalking the other miguels family and when he died, he could replace him perfectly and no one noticed. and hes delusional, like bro, its not your life or your daughter, and just because you got attached to them doesnt give you the right to act like a psycho. if you want a family, download tinder or smth

second, i get that he was a little bit nice to miles in the beginning (even though he threw a trash can at him), but here he is.

???????????????????????????????????????????????

who gave you the right to act like that? chasing a teenager on all fours and choke slamming him into a fucking train and repeatedly calling him a mistake just because he refused to be part of your fucked up fake sustem?

because the canon is basically murder. letting people die "because they have to" is murder. and seriously, before the spider society existed, who took care of the canon? when miguel made the spider society, he also made the rules and he also made the canon. hes fighting a villain that he created.

also, miles is not an anomaly. if he was, his universe would have collapsed when the spider bit him. because thats what the supposed canon says, anomaly = universe falling apart. and yet, 1610B is very very stable. you know which universe did collapse?

miguel is projecting his problems onto everyone else. miles isnt the original anomaly, miguel is. and he knows that, but hes too emotionally immature to understand what 2+2 is.

miguel blames miles for everything, when nothing is actually his fault. miles didnt start the collider or kill peter or create the spot or anything. if you look into it, you understand that even though it seems that its his fault, it isnt. was miguel too bored to look into it? maybe.

& hes a drug addict. rapture is the most addictive drug the universe and hes addicted to it. whats 1+1 again?

from what i understood, it was jess' idea to save gwen in the beginning of the movie (also we stan mother jess 🙏), miguel was very hesitant to save gwen, which means he was full on going to leave her there. and he neglected her. and he sent her back. to her father. who pulled a gun on her. bro, you cant only take care of the people that comply to your system. its giving government

i get that he has trauma, but like, so does everyone else. peter b has trauma, miles has trauma, gwen has trauma, hobie has trauma, everyone in the society has trauma but you dont see them abusing minors. miguel is the only using trauma as an excuse to be a horrible person.

also, i have strong reasons to believe that jeff dying wasnt miles' canon event. i mean, it was, but not 1610 miles'. when the go home machine read miles' dna, it sent him to E-42, because thats where the spider that bit him was from (which was ohnn's fault, btw. its not your spider bro put it back). and thats what probably happened when miguel was seeing miles' "canon events". jeff dying was miles 42's canon event, and it happened. like, the one is fatherless and the other is uncleless. why does one have to be both uncleless and fatherless? bffr.

basically, miguel to me is this: "oh, look at me, im miguel ohara, im the leader of the spider society and that makes me 200% better than you, nothing is my fault ever, everything is your fault, im a literal fucking psychopath, id rather beat a teenager up than admit that im wrong, my ego is the size of the atlantic ocean and im a furry who doesnt know non-violent communication. grr 👹"

and im not a hypocrite, if miles had done something wrong, i would be able to realise that. like, "miles is a great character but thats where he made a mistake". but he didnt do anything wrong. he didnt know that the canon existed, he only wanted to save his dad.

and i know that if the roles were reversed, if miguel was the one who couldnt save someone he loved, he would do the exact same thing. and so would everyone else in the society, who took miguels side. like, didnt your moms teach you "dont treat people the way you dont want to be treated"??

and it pisses me off so much when people defend miguel, first of all youre defending an abuser and second you dont have any good arguments.

1. "miles shouldnt have ran" thats victim blaming. and seriously, youre telling me that if you saw this

chasing you, you wouldnt have ran? bffr.

2. "he has trauma, thats why hes aggressive" i already explained that before, but trauma isnt an excuse to be a horrible person.

yeah, there are a lot of shit arguments ive seen over time but i dont remember all of them.

also, hes not even hot. not that him being hot would excuse his actions, but then id partly understand when people liked him. but NOW? girl, he has 0 good angles and he looks like he hasnt showered in 3 months. you only like him because hes tall and has muscles and speaks spanish. have some self-respect

i wanted to say another thing but ive talked too much already lmao

[4kurra]

Our silly promise

Synopsis: Promises aren't always there to keep and it seems to be bugging Sana that it was only her who had remembered it.

Genre: gxg, angstober, non idol AU

Pairings: Minatozaki!Sana x Fem!Reader ft. Chaeyoung

Authors note: My share in angstober, also I didn't proof read!

Being a kid who had always dreamed of a romantic partner, you'd figured that your sister's best friend Sana had been the only fit one since she had always managed to make you smile.

After school as you'd both walk home, hand in hand. You'd tip toe to your advantage and whisper something into her ears. She raised her brows and pretended to think about it.

"I dunno, would your sister be happy about it?" She jokingly asked.

You gasped dramatically, exactly what an innocent child would do when they couldn't have what they wanted.

"You can protect me, do you promise to be my amazing girlfriend by the time we grow up?" You asked, pouting with stars that were starting to form in your eyes as you held out your pinky finger.

She chuckled and intertwined her pinky with your smaller pinky. She'd know that agreeing with this could benefit her with being able to protect you and by the time you'd both grow, you'd both forget such a silly promise. A simply silly promise.

Years grew by and you'd grow into a beautiful teenager, so did Sana. She did well in protecting you from icky boys who tried to get right through you for your body and face. And though she did some romantic things for you here and there, you simply shook it off and blamed it on her extra kind personality.

"Hm he seems kinda cute but she likes people who are good at cooking" You told Sana and she nodded in reply, both of you swiping past people on tinder, secretly using your sisters computer in hopes of getting someone for her.

"Him? I mean he seems like a great type of person" She asked softly as her hand brushes against yours.

You jokingly scoffed at her. "You know how picky she gets."

Sana dramatically sighed at your response. "Oh I'm dearly sorry for not knowing your sisters type in men my queen."

"That's okay my trusty minion, not everyone's perfect," A laugh had been finally let out. "In fact, I think I found the right one."

"He looks like those handsome evil dudes in those k-dramas." "Oh shush!"

Although those small encounters with you have always been her favorite, she remembered the biggest moments, still rooted inside her head like a beautiful plant that's already bloomed.

"Are we seriously spying on your sister and her date?" Sana raised her brows, though you couldn't see it from the sunglasses she was wearing and the theatre room was too dark to see in besides the movie playing.

You rolled your eyes. "Oh come on, you said the guy looked like those evil handsome characters in those k-dramas!"

She stared at you in disbelief before telling you to hand her a popcorn, eyes widened when you unknowingly threw the whole thing onto her lap since yours eyes were occupied by your sister and her date.

"Oh great you made a small mess." She sarcastically said with a sigh.

A few sorries here and there slipped out as you intertwined your hand with hers in hopes of keeping her mouth shut and it worked. How? Throughout the whole show, her cheeks were tinted pink.

"You're both dorks, seriously. Building a Lego while it's raining?" Your sister raised her brows at the both of you.

"You should know Sana hates when it rains along with the horrible thunders that come with it! This calms her down." You fought back in defense.

She teasingly stared at the both of you as if you were hiding some kind of secret. "Really? And since when did you and Sana build Lego's whenever it rained? Must have done this quite a lot of times for you to say that."

You groaned at her reply as Sana ignored the both of you, her hands shaking from the loud roar of the thunder as she tried not to cower from her fear. You still had been arguing with your sister when the corner of your eyes saw her shaky hands so you held her hands behind the almost finished Lego and acted as if nothing was going on. Surprisingly, she had calmed down a bit and this time, the corner of your eyes couldn't catch the tiny smile on her face.

Even so, you both grew up even more and things had started to change when you had met her artistic friend, Chaeyoung. Sana loved to ramble about you to her but she never told the younger latter about the crush she had on you.

As your circle of friends grew even more, you still managed to make time to hang out with Sana and she loved every minute of it though she couldn't ignore the loving stare you gave to Chaeyoung every time she drew something for you. Even if she ever tried.

Sana couldn't help but feel as if you were growing feelings for Chaeyoung but her feelings didn't shrink, she felt that it was better for her to use this opportunity as you were still single to pour out her feelings.

She sprayed the perfume you loved onto herself and drove to the nearest flower place with a smile on her face.

'Roses, basic but beautiful' Sana had thought as she stared in awe at the flowers.

She drove with one hand while the other fidgeted the end of her hoodie and bit her lips as the nervous thoughts that she hoped wouldn't appear had clouded her entire mind with 'what if's'.

When she finally reached you with flowers in her hand, her heart broke along with the tears that threatened to fall as she looked up at your balcony to see both of you and Chaeyoung kissing each other with your eyes closed and a smile on the both of your faces.

Maybe she was too late to even confess, tired to think when sad negative thoughts had appeared along with tears. She drove away, throwing the roses into the nearest trash bin while doing so, a bit quiet if her engine wasn't so loud and hiccups that joined after the tears. Not realizing that you had noticed her driving away, along with the flowers that she had thrown away.

Although you may have forgotten the promise like she hoped you would. Her heart can't take the fact that she was the only who didn't. Maybe Cupid took her 'silly' promise and changed it into another one of his failed attempts.

[andsheoverthinks]

on femcels and women's right to be horny (and have feelings in general)

i understand how being voluntarily celibate can be empowering especially for het women, but both men and women are in denial and believe women cannot be involuntarily celibate, even though the person who started the term was a woman named Alana. unfortunately now Alana's movement isn't about shy late bloomers, it's about stupid misogynist hateful serial killer rapist men. i hate that they took this term away from women.

why does everyone talk about Elliot Rodger but not Christine Chubbuck? why is a hateful misogynist serial killer tragic and overanalyzed and moralized and even worshipped while a sad, lonely woman who killed herself unimportant? in fact, many of the comments on a post about her suicide call her ugly or a horrible person, or worse, say they want to see the video, even asking where they can watch it. women's pain isn't real, it's just entertainment.

the way people talk about women's experience of romance and sexuality is very isolating for me. there's this belief that all women are swimming in dick and lusty DMs and men willing to drop everything for us and someone asked us to prom in high school and it's not true. i wish we could have more discussions about women who are late bloomers, women who are horny and unwanted and undesirable, women who are seen as below 'normal women' in a patriarchial society. if you aren't desirable, men may not see you as a sexual utility but they will still see you as free therapy, free to offload work on, and a resource to 'practice on' to learn to court and charm 'real women.' men ask for my number to pick my brain and drain me. to ask me to do their thinking and their work for them.

ugly women are invisible. sometimes this invisibility to men (and women) keeps me safe around them. sometimes it makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry because i've felt so inconsequential my whole life. like sometimes people see right through me.

i am not even that fucking ugly! i am black, and i'm flat chested with no ass, and my face is a little asymmetrical, and my top teeth need braces so i have a better bite, but i'm not even that fucking ugly! i dress nice, and i wear makeup (sorry radfems, i'm weaning myself off), and i smell nice! i'm not even that fucking ugly! i have reverse body dysmorphia or something. i look in the mirror when i've feeling like shit, and think wow, i'm actually kind of cute. would i get followers on social media? no. but i'm not even that fucking ugly.

it's deadly to your self-esteem to know that men would fuck anything and you're below anything. you are not just a woman, which is an object, you are a defective object. it's hard to talk about this because people see sexual exploitation as wrong, but don't care about emotional exploitation. when men aren't sexually active, it's a crisis and we have to talk about legalizing prostitution because women are resources not people, when women aren't sexually active, it doesn't matter because women don't have needs and feelings. especially as a black woman, i am expected to give give give. the only reason my body is not one of things i'm expected to give is because no one wants it. everything else? give give give. ever read the giving tree?

and everyone says well if it bothers u so much there has to be a guy willing to fuck you (use you as masturbation sleeve) somewhere in the world! after all u are warm body w pussy someone will come along to use u as blowup sex doll! go on tinder and sell ur body for $3.50 coffee! you want to have mutally enjoyable sex with someone who cares about you and maybe loves you and doesn't just see u as wet holes w legs? fuck you, uppity bitch! no wonder you're single!

u tried asking men out? they said no? well u must have went for 6 foot 9 figures 12 inch dick man? is that right? no? ofc you did, lying bitch!

no one would ever say this shit to a man. keep your head up bro! these hoes ain't loyal! lemme tell u what, take a shower and get a job and the bitches be flocking to u! i was just like u bro, then i met my hot wife! get ur passport and get out this country, these modern women are ran-through bitches, find urself a submissive traditional woman from (insert Slavic or Asian country).

the idea of femcels, especially dissatisfied femcels, makes terminally online men so so angry. because it suggests that women do have feelings and needs. and we shouldn't. femcels are transgressive. we're not supposed to exist. even funnier, it suggests that some of them whining and raving, have actually been turning down perfectly good women who don't fit their porn-informed standards.

if i say i want to have a romantic experience at least once before i die, i'll be told i'm just brainwashed or dick-struck (never seen one in real life) or some other kind of delusional. you don't really need it. you don't really want it. what is with the obsession of forcing women into self-denial? nothing tastes as good as skinny feels! stop fantasizing about getting to have a sloppy makeout session, you don't really want it. of course women are better than men at reducing their carbon footprint, we're used to limiting our consumption.

but it's not true, i fucked myself up already believing i didn't deserve to experience desire and have a sexuality because i was too ugly and you're not pushing me back there again. being horny is my right, i'm human too.

[bunnysuit-femboy]

Devour - Eren

(Eren x Reader) - Word Count: 2.1k

Creature: a person who eats the flesh of other human beings

Warnings: Dry Humping, Descriptions of Blood

Extra Notes: Happy Halloween, everyone! Ending Whore-O-Ween strong with some Eren smut!

You didn’t like trusting Tinder as a way of meeting people you’d want to keep in your life for longer than a week. You made sure to only use the app as a way of finding hookups, hangouts, and one night stands - so finding Eren was the least of your desires and now the worst yet best thing to happen to you.

Eren is everything you’ve ever imagined yourself wanting in a boyfriend. He’s always making you laugh until your sides hurt and this strange noise comes out of your mouth - it sounds oddly similar to a car trying its hardest to start up, but ultimately failing. And, Eren is the sweetest boy you’ve ever met in your entire life, he always gets you flowers for your dates and he manages to cheer you up no matter how bad of a day you have had.

Eren’s presence itself automatically mends your broken moods, so after a horrible day at work, you found yourself subconsciously driving towards his house. He lives in the middle of the woods - which was definitely something you had to get used to after seeing it for the first time - and despite its creepiness, his house is beautiful. A simple log cabin surrounded by looming trees and the sounds of croaking owls.

You’ve always felt safer inside of his house rather than outside, never knowing what lies in the thick shadows around the trunks of the surrounding trees. Once you were out of your car, you eyed the darkness suspiciously, wanting to make lurking creatures uncomfortable before making your way towards the door. You thought if you were a monster that maybe you wouldn’t want to attack somebody who has made direct eye contact with you, so you made sure to make direct eye contact with every monster that could be around.

You knocked three times on the door, a specific tune that Eren now associates with you. He opened the door not even thirty seconds after your knocks, and surprisingly with a large grin on his face. You hadn’t warned him you were on your way here, so for him to be smiling despite that was unexpected.

“Hi,” Eren said shortly, “What are you doing here?”

You returned Eren’s smile, “Just thought I’d stop by.”

Eren was wearing an old flowery apron over his jeans and t-shirt, and his hair was back in a bun to keep the long hair out of his face. You assumed the boy was most likely cooking, considering he was normally doing that or butchering animals he had hunted earlier in the week. There was no blood on his apron, and only a large cutting knife dangling in his fingers, so assuming he was cooking was your best bet.

You glanced at the knife and then met his eye again, “Whatcha’ cookin?”

“Dinner,” Eren answered flatly, “And I would’ve made more if I knew you were coming over - at least a text is always nice.” You rolled your eyes at him, giggling to yourself. “But, it’s nice to see you again, especially after the other night.”

You pushed at Eren’s shoulder, “Shut up.” You suddenly remembered the dark woods behind you, and gave the trees one last glance before turning back to Eren. “And, let me inside already, you know how I don’t like these woods.”

“What’s not to like?” Eren let you past him, but he walked onto his front porch instead, taking your place in the darkness. “There’s nothing scary out here!” Eren turned to you with a wicked look in his eyes. “And even if there were scary things out here, they’d all fear me more.”

As much as you hated to admit it, Eren’s behavior scared you. You knew he had a God Complex, but sometimes he spoke and didn’t sound like himself. It was as if he were becoming another person right in front of your eyes, shedding his skin as a human and instead deciding he wanted to be more.

“Shut up and come inside,” Your voice came out weak, fear leaking its way into your words.

Eren grinned mischievously at you, “I mean, if you say so.” You tried hard not to laugh at his dirty comment, and you felt betrayed by the small giggle that came from your throat. He thought of the laugh as a win, and laughed with you. “There’s that smile I love.”

Eren left his apron in the kitchen and joined you in his bedroom after some cleaning up. You had offered your help, but he was persistent in denying your request. He instead walked you to the bedroom door, and shut it behind you once you were sitting on the bed. You could only hear the clanking of dishes being dropped and frantically thrown about the kitchen. It sounded like Eren needed your help, but you stayed sitting on the bed.

You waited quietly for his return; scrolling through your phone, counting the posters on his walls, turning on his radio and listening intently to the words of the songs that came on. It felt like Eren was cleaning his kitchen for nearly an hour before the door opened and he had reappeared. He looked tired, his eyes blinking slowly and his shoulders slumped forward with exhaustion.

“Come here,” You said with a taunting smile on your face, “You look like that kitchen kicked your ass.”

Eren giggled lightly, “It did, I am tapping out.” He fell onto the bed beside you, lying face down in the pillows behind your back. You looked over your shoulder at Eren, watching as he groaned into the soft pillowcases. “I am going to sleep, cuddle with me now.”

“So demanding.” You shifted and laid down beside Eren, pressing your body into his own. He felt warm against you, his chest gently rising and falling, rubbing against your side.

Eren moved closer to you, now turning so he was facing you and not the inside of the pillows. He leaned his head against your shoulder, throwing his arm over your chest to pull you in as close as humanly possible. You felt as he breathed in your smell, groaning lightly with every sniff - the idea of Eren liking your scent made you feel light inside, you hoped he sniffed his bedsheets when you left his house, wishing you had stayed.

Eren not so slyly put his hand under your shirt, feeling his way across your stomach and to your chest. His fingers were calloused and left a scratchy trail along your skin as he touched you. His hand gently cupped around your tit, and he smiled lightly to himself.

You raised your eyebrows at Eren, “‘You having fun?”

“Yeah, I’m having a lot of fun.” Eren glanced at you for a second, a newfound energy in his eyes. You assumed he probably wasn’t so tired from cleaning the kitchen anymore, he seemed to be wide awake now. “We could have more fun though, if you wanted.”

Of course you wanted to, you always wanted to.

Eren tilted his head back to you, and you landed your lips onto his. He leaned into your kiss, pressing his lips closer to yours, leaving the slightest bruise on your mouth. Your mouth opened slightly for him, and he pushed his tongue in, licking the roof of your mouth behind your front teeth. He was the best kisser you had ever had the privilege of kissing before, even his soft pecks made you desperately lean in for more.

Eren was pulling you on top of him in a swift move of his arms. You straddled his hips, sitting down on top of him and feeling his hardness underneath you. You rubbed yourself against him, loving the way his body felt against your clit. Eren’s hands moved their way from your hips to your back and he pulled you in for another kiss.

As you kissed Eren back, you moved your hips against him, breathing into his mouth with every touch. You could feel him squirming underneath you as well, bringing his hips up to meet the sensitive spot between your legs. You liked that he was using your body to feel good, the same way you were using his body.

You moved your lips down to his neck and as a thank you, Eren did something he knew you enjoy - he curled his fingers around your head, tightening his grip on your hair. You moaned when he pulled your hair slightly, and you felt him giggle into your mouth from your reaction. He pulled back from your lips, freeing his mouth enough to whisper into your ear.

“Do you like that, baby?” Eren whispered, kissing his way back down to your mouth.

You nodded, “Mhm.” You didn’t want to speak too much with him, only wanting to focus on the euphoric feeling between your legs. You never knew how much you missed Eren’s body until he was inside of you, or even just rubbing against you.

Eren slid his hands back under your shirt, quickly moving his fingers to your chest. He cupped your breasts, using his palms to rub your nipples. The feeling went straight to your clit, making you moan into his mouth with every movement of his hands and hips. You felt so overwhelmed by his body, a tightness forming in your lower abdomen.

“Don’t stop, please,” You whispered into Eren’s neck.

He fulfilled your request, he continued to touch you exactly as he was. He moved you back to the sitting position so he could have a better grip on your chest. You rode him, rubbing yourself on his body until that tightness had gone away and a seizing feeling took over your whole body. You felt complete satisfaction in every inch of your body, down to your feet and especially in between your hips which throbbed with pleasure.

You leaned back down to Eren’s lips, kissing him gently as a thank you for the exhilarating feeling he gave you. You kissed your way from his lips to his ear, and whispered to him gently.

“Now it’s your turn.” You brought your hand down to his hips, pushing your hand under his sweatpants when you were suddenly interrupted by a ringing.

Eren moved away from you, heading to the end of the bed, “Oh, pizza’s here. We’ll finish this after we eat, okay love?”

“Oh okay,” Your tone sounded slightly deflated, you had to admit you were a little annoyed by the timing of the pizza man and you were excited to make Eren feel good as well. But, he said you’d finish this after dinner, at least the moment wouldn’t end here.

Eren out of his bedroom and towards the front door. While he was gone, you walked towards his kitchen, wanting to get plates and water ready for the both of you. You filled two glasses as he talked with the delivery man, making new friends was Eren’s strong suit. You opened the freezer, hoping to find ice and instead finding some questionable containers.

You set the cups down, eyeing the containers suspiciously. You were sure they were meat of some kind; pig, cow, turkey even, it’s not like Eren ever admitted to being a vegetarian. But, the meat didn’t look right, the containers were filled with thick, dark red liquid and it sloshed around when you pulled it out of the freezer.

You brought the container close to your face, furrowing your eyebrows as you tried to search your entire mind for some answer to this question. Maybe Eren illegally hunted in the woods behind his house, that would explain why the meat looked so unprofessional. But, one thing you couldn’t wrap your head around was why Eren would name the animals he killed.

Written in large black letters was the name MELINDA on the lid of the plastic container. You hoped more than anything that Eren had just named a pig after his ex-girlfriend, but you had a sickening feeling in your stomach that told you that was wrong. You knew what kind of meat this was even if you refused to admit it.

You swallowed the feeling of wanting to throw up, when you quickly put Melinda back in the freezer. You grabbed the water glasses and turned around, wanting to place the drinks on the dining table before Eren made his return, but he had already returned. He stood in the doorway of his kitchen, looking at you as he shook his head, sighing with his words.

“I was really hoping you wouldn’t snoop around like the others,” Eren said disappointedly.

The cups dropped from your hands in fear, the glass exploded on the kitchen floor as the water created a large puddle on the tile. Your breaths felt far away, as if you were only breathing through a small straw. You put your hands up in defeat, trying to calm down the boy in front of you.

“Eren, baby,” You said cautiously, “Let’s talk about this before we act irrationally?”

Eren raised an eyebrow at you, “Yeah, let’s do that.”

[annislittleshopofhorrors]

I’m sorry for how long this is, I’m usually a lurker so have held it in. It may be spiteful, but I really feel like he deserves a question about her. He went public with that horrible pap walk we all endured, he publicly acknowledged his deep love of scaring her and then publicly threw her in our faces with a montage on Valentines Day without even writing Happy Valentines Day on the post. Even if he didn’t personally handle the crap being put on his social media, he knew it was going on there. I don’t care if it’s real or PR or if they had something on him and conned him into doing this. If he wasn’t acting a fool, they wouldn’t have something on him in the first place. If this is indeed PR, he signed up for it or did something stupid like IG Tinder and got caught being a gross old (I’m a few years older than him so I can say that) man after young booty. Whatever the case, he is doing this to himself. He knows the distaste or he wouldn’t have been so timid on Friday at the convention. Personal opinion, he would have backed out, but his team pressured him to try to make any amends with his fans that he could. They know what is being said about him and how many fans turned away. The fact that he let the trio bait and taunt his fans, and continued to entertain them, in whatever capacity it did, that says enough for me. I don’t care if it is how CAA works. I’m a Seb girl, I lived thru what CAA has done for his image, and I want Pre-CAA Seb back. They are doing the same with Chris. Whether it is real or PR, I feel like they have used it for PR if it’s real and it has made him look nasty and conceited and truly needing help. His fans that have always defended him to rumors, he spit in their faces by still allowing the baits before awkwardly walking thru Central Park the day after SMA dropped. That was when he showed his true colors to me. He said, ‘thanks for defending me but let me show you what I really think.” No, he owes me nothing. I chose to be a fan and he is a grown man and loves his own life and makes his own choices. But I will never defend his actions again and that’s my choice. I don’t see him in the same way, and that’s my choice because of my likes and dislikes and morals. I can choose whether or not to spend my money on his work or meet and greets because it’s my choice. He is a public figure though and he chose that. He chose to call the paps and to post the two montages and that’s his choice (kind of). Celebrities post what they want you to see and usually are only photographed when they want to be seen for a reason. So, yeah, I choose to see this whole thing like Chris spitting in his fans faces repeatedly after seeing this trio called out for their actions and still being in their circle. So, I hope they ask about his very public, in love, relationship with his 25 year old love who makes a living portraying children while she hangs with her racist, nazi loving, fatphobic Neanderthal friends. Ask him the question. How is your love, ALBA freaking Baptista?

Sorry, it took me a while to read it. Most of the time I have something to say, but this time I just can't because you just expressed your feelings about him. So I won't argue or agree or disagree with you. This is a safe space, so I hear you and I understand how you feel. 😊

[the-least-undefinable-ordinal]

Long suicidal post ahead, I've put the content warnings in the tags (I am doing therapy about this, in case this post seems too worrisome).

I've been feeling numb so long I think I'm starting to lose my sense of empathy, my last weeks of social interactions have been me trying to say the correct thing to make the other laugh or enjoy themselves but it all feels empty to me (not to say I'm particularly good at the above things, but I do try).

The only strong force that keeps me from actually killing myself is I know it would devastate my immediate family, though if I keep up the indifference I'm feeling for other people it shouldn't be long before I don't care about that either.

Outside of the family thing I have never found a convincing argument for living, they mostly boil down to "it could get better and suicide is irreversible" but death would be oblivion, I physically won't be able to regret my decision and at this point I don't have any hope of feeling consistently better.

On the dating aspect the thing isn't much better, I haven't had many bad experiences, mostly because I've hardly ever had experiences of the sort. I know I need affection and intimacy but I have no idea where to start with the whole dating thing: I don't know anyone in my classes and I don't want to approach anyone at the gym (the only other place I go that isn't uni or home), which leaves me with dating apps.

Tinder fucking sucks, the profiles there almost seem like a psyop so mysoginists can prove their points (I want to clarify I know the Tinder population isn't necessarily a representative sample of the female population, in fact I hope it isn't): you have the astrology/spirituality girls, the women whose bio only say "you need to have a bmw to have a shot with me" (direct translated quote) or "if you aren't taller than x it won't work out" (another delightful translated quote) and ,the insidiously worst ones, the women whose bio only say "if you can make me laugh you've already won me over" as if they're a prize to be won, coveted by virtue of being hot and female alone and not a person looking for an equal in a relationship.

Which brings me to the following question: why is everyone so insistent on saying the problem with men who can't get a girlfriend is their personality?

Obviously personality helps, but at least half of the women on Tinder straight up say the most important thing they expect from a man is height, money or a sense of humor (the last one also requires the man to degrade himself into a mere object of entertainment), there's also the numerous examples of horrible men who don't have a problem getting dates on account of them having some combination of height, money and sense of humor.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi there, I totally understand if you don't/want to answer this because its a stupid story in which i am a stupid person who makes stupid decisions despite knowing better, and also didn't do the right things at the right time. i am going to also navigate my moral failings at a point which ig might be a seperate ask idk we'll see. also its a whole long story and i have some kinda problem where i struggle to work outrelevant information, i'll prolly realise and then send a shorter ask later.

this time last year I slept with someone that had active herpes sores. they were on their first outbreak and were taking an anti-viral to deal with the symptoms. As a teenager I went through a brief period of sleeping around a lot after the end of my first relationship, with pretty much total strangers (i was around when you could use tinder as a 16 yr old, if that dates me at all) and at a routine sti appt several months after i'd 'calmed down' a nurse took a swab of a sore and said there was a good chance it was herpes though it might be too late to tell (clinics were once a week where i was and i wasn't prepared to travel 20+ miles on public transport to get it right time-wise, i know, wrong and i am sorry). the test came back negative but i just assumed i had and didn't get a blood test because of everything i'd been told about herpes. never had another 'outbreak', any signs of one i was straight on that bus and it never came up positive.

Fast forward to the future, I had had one partner that i disclosed that i may but had never had a positive test and we used protection every time. It really harmed my self-esteem and i felt unable to start another relationship after that breakup because disclosing felt like such a nightmare (I still feel I messed up in disclosure, even though they had coldsores on their face before we met, idk) but i then met this person, and we got on really well and as they had gotten theirs from a cheating partner, i felt like i should be as supportive as possible, especially considering at this time i also considered myself a person with herpes. I wanted them to avoid the shame and 'unfuckableness' i had been stuck with for years. When they said they wanted to fuck me, I went with it. I wanted to use protection, and they tried to talk me out of it (yano, feels better kinda thing) but i stuck with it because there are other reasons. The second time we slept together i caved to them though.

it ended up helping me though, as after they ghosted me for a month (i got covid rly soon two days after we last met and told them, then there was a kind of radio silence) i met another person and disclosed to them and they were cool with it. They got tested when they went back to their home country 1 and 3 months later they were clean (other than ureaplasma but we don't test for that in my country so idk what to do onthat one).

I then decided to get my blood checked (igG) because i thought that i needed to be able to show people that i absolutely had herpes rather than feeling like people werent believing me (?) when i told them, which ig they were because i said 'i have herpes' to them but idk a document seemed more official. and then i wouldn't panic about lying to people accidentally or w/e. this was before twelve weeks from sleeping with person A so when it came back negative i was thrown horrifically. At this point it's worth mentioning i quit alengthy and pretty horrible drug addiction and ended up sleeping with the person I'd asked to look after me in this time (again with protection) and several weeks later i remember feeling like i was going to die when i got tested again, twelve weeks after contact with person A. I was so relieved because I didn't want to hurt the person that was looking after me when i was getting clean, especially as I had failed again.

So i am with no positive blood test, I am thinking of getting another test again because i still can't bring myself to be near another person in case i give them herpes. I was just wondering if it was worth it, if even if i was carrying it i might not have antibodies because the virus was being 'covert' or something. yeah i guess that's my question. does exposure mean infection, do i need to disclose that i know i have had contact with herpes, will a test do anything?

anon this has had me, my housemates, and my group chat absolutely agog for the last 25 minutes and counting.

if you've had multiple negative tests then the odds that you have herpes are extremely low; it's very unlikely that getting bloodwork done will find anything different. having sex with someone who has an STI is not a guarantee that you will catch it, and if you've never tested positive there's no need to tell partners that you have herpes because that's factually inaccurate. having had sexual contact with someone who has herpes does not make you inherently risky.

it's worth noting that even if that were the case, then functionally the entire population of sexually active humans would be at risk - it's estimated the between 60 and 90% of adults globally have herpes, which means that nearly every sexually active adult must have had at least one sexual partner who's infected.

I don't like to armchair diagnose anyone with anything because that's not my field and it's none of my business, but it does maybe seem like there's some shame around sex here that's being channeled into the belief that you must have herpes. clinging to that belief isn't actually helping any of your partners or, crucially, you. I wish you nothing but health and safety as you work towards sorting these feelings out.

[crueledintentions]

Cruel Intentions, first journal entry.

TW: kidnapping, sex addiction, SA, Abuse, pedophilia.

Mama’s Boy, The Tinder Horror Story.

He was the bet. I redownloaded tinder after having it deleted for the last 2 months because my best friend was tired of hearing me rant and rave over some music guy who didn’t give two shits about me. Bet! But it was just gonna be a dinner, right?

WRONG

The guy took me back to his apartment, something we DID NOT agree on, so now I’m sharing my location with my best friend and texting “SOS” but she didn’t respond. “Oh I figured I could make you dinner, since eating out tends to get expensive.” Oh, maybe not SOS. But still, I have a bad vibe.

The second he brought me into his apartment, he snatched my phone away and began looking through it. His apartment was an utter mess, a beautiful kitchen flooded with trash, a spacious living room fluttered with boxes, a refrigerator filled with expired food and filth. Kinda a weird vibe… but I understand it now.

It’s getting late and now I just wanna go back home, I haven’t eaten anything, i picked barely because I didn’t want to be rude but at the same time, I didn’t want to eat what he made. But now I’m feeling weird… I’m tired. I wanna go home, I say but I don’t remember what happened until I woke up to my alarm for work. My plan was to leave straight after work, never see this guy again. Block his number. But that’s when he threatened me, awfully. If he didn’t pick me up from work he was going to hurt me, kill me even.

Now it’s been two days after this, it’s finally my day off, my friend and I plan on going out. I wasn’t allowed to have my phone when I was at his house, but we had made this plans when we saw each other two days ago… when we made the bet. I tell him about my plans and he tells me to beg her to let him come. She says no obviously, she said he was a creep. She got a bad vibe. He made me keep my medicine at his place so he knew I would go back.

And during out girl hang out, I tell her everything , what’s happening, what’s going on. She tells me to stay with her for the night, but I couldn’t… my medicine was at his place. That’s when she said “I’ll go with you, you get your medication then we’ll leave.”

He refused to let her go with me , and then tells me “if you leave with her, I’ll kill her and you.” And now I’m panicking, because I believe it. He was a scary person, there was no emotion in his eyes. Nobody was there. I sent her a message “Hey, just leave… it’s fine” and then he ruined our friendship. He sent her horrible messages, took money I sent her back by disputing it, and destroyed us. She was my best friend, we had fun together, we understood each other, I wanted her to be in my future and now it’s ruined…

But this nightmare doesn’t end yet. I go through days and nights of constant physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. There was two sides to him, the person who hurt me and the person who tried to make it up. We went out downtown for the night, but I was also thrown off an electric scooter that night and had bruises all over my arms and legs from falling. But I only agreed to go out downtown, in hopes I’d see someone I knew and beg them for help. But I saw no one.

Then the story gets worse, now he’s threatening me to move to a different city with him, 4 hours away. To a place my parents said I wasn’t allowed to be. Things got so much more worse there. My $198 glasses were broken by him, and I had no money to pay for new ones since he got me fired from my job because I made friends with my coworkers. He stole $1350 out of an atm with my bank card from me, and everytime I tried to leave the threats got scarier… and I couldn’t involve my parents into this.

I started picking fights with him purposefully, because fights started getting intense and he started threatening that he would kick me out. I packed my bags and I just waited, I argued, my friends made fake accounts with girls telling me he’s cheating, anything to make him kick me out. But no, this son of a bitch was psycho.

Until finally I had efuckingnough, it’s like an angel freed me. My dad called me to tell me I had to come home because of a family emergency, but he insisted on coming with me.

But my dad wasn’t having any of this bullshit, he sent my godfather to pick me up. So my dad saved me.

But essentially this tinder nightmare was abusive, a rapist, a sex addict, pedophile. He even had his niece come over for a sleepover and made her walk into his room while he was jacking off.

Now he threatens to sue me for pain and suffering I put him through. He’s gonna sue me for money I owe him for living with him for “free”.

All of this because some guy that plays guitar wouldn’t text me back after love bombing me. :/

[dancedance-resolution]

unrxpectedly missing my ex

i accidentally gave myself a horrible bruise right on the apple of my cheek and i work in an esthetics office so i’m going to have to fucking deal with it and as i sit here with a cube of ice and a spoon in a vain attempt to fix it i’m remembering when my ex accidentally gave me the world’s worst hickey and used a fucking whisk to massage it out of my neck for half an hour before taking me to cvs to help me shade match concealer even though she was even more clueless about makeup than i was. And it was our first fucking date. and i miss her. not just the concept of someone being at my side to help me fucking whisk away a bruise but also fucking her. SHE did that for me, this awkward person she’d only just met. i didn’t even make her come that night. i fell in love with her from that moment i think. and now it’s months and months later and i’m crying onto a melting ice cube lol bc im just. so overwhelmed with longing for HER. and i’m dreading touching make up to my face my insides are curdling with dread but with her i probably wouldn’t mind it so much bc i felt so secure in my gender with her. and it’s just so FUCKED bc We Have No Future Together And I’ve Accepted That. But Also When Am I Going To Find Someone Like Her Again. and you know this is completely unrelated it’s just past my bed time but i told myself today hey i want to plan a party for my dogs bday as an excuse to get together with my friends before they all head back out to college for the new semester. and my list of ppl i was considering inviting is all ppl i haven’t spoken to in months even texting except mattie. and i love mattie so much but i want to have at least a few casual friends who i wouldn’t die for but would invite to a dog bday party yk. idk. i need to hold out hope for next semester and actually make an effort to socialize more. and also maybe go back on tinder

if you read this no you didn’t it’s past all of our bedtimes. eastern hemisphere besties you too i’ve declared it