#tldr transcript

[royalarchivist]

Dono: [Tells Rubius that some streamers called Quackity for advice on how to beat the Ender Dragon in their Minecraft Hardcore world]

Rubius: [Knows damn well Quackity doesn't know how to play Minecraft]

[via @duolimalimon]

[lavalamps-and-ladydoors]

got that post hysterically crying glow rn ✨️

[dihalect]

a side effect of getting your news in audio form: you might mishear "AP psychology" as "apipsychology" and briefly experience a world where bee psychology is not only taught in high schools, but deemed enough of a threat to society for the state of florida to nerf it

[demdozeguys]

yeah sure this goes here too. dem rambles about a teaser png for half an hour

[hatsukeii]

the curious case of kageyama tobio's love life / kageyama tobio x reader

genre(s): crack + fluff! timeskip au (third year/graduation), investigative report format, secretly dating trope, drunk x sober LMFAO

warnings(s): drunk people and house parties... (underage drinking is not! recommended here!), defs multiple/many uses of y/n because of how the fic is formatted but you need to trust the process PLEASE (sorry!) also reader's ass gets slapped by kags as a dare...

wc: ~4k

tldr; below is a transcript, recounted by partygoers hinata shoyo, tsukishima kei, yachi hitoka, and yamaguchi tadashi, of the happenings at hinata shoyo's graduation house party, set on the night of 29th march. any and all hearings have been sworn to be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. they think. probably.

[Report #1- Initiated by Hinata Shoyo]

Date of occurrence: March 29

Time of occurrence: 7:20pm

Location of occurrence: Living room

Kageyama Tobio is the third guest to arrive at Hinata Shoyo's residence, twenty minutes after Tsukishima Kei and Yamaguchi Tadashi. He carries with him the items that were agreed on the night prior- two twelve-packs of beer, one two litre bottle of coke, one Nintendo switch, and two Nintendo Pro controllers. Upon entry, Hinata Shoyo greets him at the door, and the following conversation ensues between Hinata Shoyo and Kageyama Tobio.

[Transcript #1- provided by Hinata Shoyo]

S. Hinata: You're here, what's good! You got the stuff too?

T. Kageyama: Yeah. Where's everyone else?

S. Hinata: Daichi's on patrol until eight, Suga's picking him up when he's done. Yachi's lining up to pick up the cake with y/n-

T. Kageyama: Cool, I'll put the stuff down there. (He signals to the kitchen counter across the living room)

[End of transcript #1]

Kageyama Tobio proceeds to the television, where he sets up his Nintendo on the dock. He then offers a controller to Tsukishima Kei, who accepts, and joins Kageyama in a game of Super Smash Bros. Upon opening the character menu, half of his characters are unavailable for use, evident by the following conversation that ensues between Tsukishima Kei and Kageyama Tobio.

[Transcript #2- Provided by Tsukishima Kei]

T. Kageyama: What the fuck?

K. Tsukishima: For someone who's had this game since release, you're pretty shit if you can barely move past the starter characters.

T. Kageyama: Shut up. [He proceeds to the home page of his console.]

K. Tsukishima: Sure.

[End of transcript #2]

Kageyama Tobio then leaps to the dock, unplugging it for a total of forty-two (Hinata Shoyo estimates) seconds. During its downtime, he is seen to be wiping his neck with one hand, tapping at the screen with the other. The game of Super Smash Bros ensues when he replugs it onto the dock, to reveal a fully unlocked character selection screen. Kageyama Tobio, who plays Sonic the Hedgehog, loses 1:2 against Tsukishima Kei, who plays Sora. But don't tell him that Hinata Shoyo kept count. Thanks.

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[Report #2- Initiated by Yachi Hitoka]

Date of occurrence: March 29

Time of occurrence: 7:46pm

Location of occurrence: Living room, kitchen

Yachi Hitoka and y/n are the sixth and seventh guests to arrive at Hinata Shoyo's residence. By the time they step foot into the house, Hinata Shoyo is three vodka redbulls in, courtesy of Tanaka Ryunosuke and Nishinoya Yuu's contributions to the party's catalogue of available drinks, and is shooting down a fourth with Yamaguchi Tadashi, who is on his first drink of the night. Tsukishima Kei is one can of beer in, and is wrestling Kageyama Tobio on the couch, who is two cans of beer in. Upon entry, Hinata Shoyo slings an arm around Yamaguchi Tadashi, and drags him along to greet the two guests. The following conversation ensues between Yachi Hitoka, Hinata Shoyo, Yamaguchi Tadashi, and y/n.

[Transcript #3- Provided by Yachi Hitoka]

Y/n: What is going on...?

S. Hinata: You're heeeere! C'mon, take a bit from me! [Hinata Shoyo proceeds to tilt his glass too far into his face, and breathe in roughly 250mL of redbull mixed with vodka. He chokes. Yamaguchi Tadashi attempts to worm out of Hinata Shoyo's grasp. His attempt is unsuccessful.]

H. Yachi: If this is what forty minutes looks like, I don't think I wanna know what happens later.

Y/n: Why are they wrestling like... that?

H. Yachi: Men.

T. Yamaguchi: Men.

S. Hinata: [coughs]

Y/n: Understandable.

[End of transcript #3]

Y/n heads to the kitchen counter, where they set a cake into the fridge. Kageyama Tobio breaks free from Tsukishima Kei's sloppy side pin at this moment. Tsukishima Kei heads for the bathroom, and does not return until twenty minutes later. It is unsure what occurred in the bathroom, but not of importance. Kageyama makes a beeline for the fridge, and stubs his toe on the corner of the kitchen counter. He is...unusually uncoordinated, and barges into the space beside y/n, only to grab a third beer and push his way out again. Y/n shoots him a side eye, one that nobody else notices, except for Yachi Hitoka, who is currently writing this report. It's pretty scary, actually, they're a little scary with the side eye. But that is besides the point.

Y/n does not take a drink, but instead heads to the now empty couch, where they pick up the discarded Nintendo Pro controllers off the ground, and invite Yamaguchi Tadashi and Yachi Hitoka to a game of Super Smash Bros. Upon entering the game, y/n selects Sonic as their character. Kageyama Tobio returns to the couch with a can of beer at this moment, and the following conversation ensues between y/n, and Kageyama Tobio.

[Transcript #4- Provided by Yachi Hitoka]

T. Kageyama: Why aren't you picking Ness?

Y/n: I feel like Sonic today, so why not?

T. Kageyama: Sonic's difficult, even for me. Fun, though.

Y/n: I never get to play Sonic, so now that I can, I'm using him.

T. Kageyama: ...Fair enough.

[End of transcript #4]

Following the conversation, Kageyama Tobio does not leave the area. He leans with his forearms against the edge of the couch, and his hands hanging just above y/n's shoulders. He does, however, watch the game and the game only. Y/n, who plays Sonic the Hedgehog, ties with Yachi Hitoka, who plays Kirby. They both lose to Yamaguchi Tadashi, who plays Joker.

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[Report #3- initiated by Tsukishima Kei]

Date of occurrence: March 29

Time of occurrence: 9:02pm

Location of occurrence: Living room

Disclaimer: Tsukishima Kei would like to preface that from this point onwards, his recounts may be liable to errors in continuity and/or accuracy. This is because by 9pm, he was three cans of beer, and one can of Jack Daniels and coke in. Daichi Sawamura, in his fancy police uniform and all, insisted on staying sober, so he will be fact checking any of Tsukishima Kei's recounts up until the point when he leaves the party prematurely. Daichi Sawamura will be aided by Sugawara Koushi, who also insisted on staying sober. For the children, he said. From Daichi Sawamura and Sugawara Koushi's departures onwards, any and all informtaion provided by Tsukishima Kei is subject to human error and inaccuracies. Apologies for the inconvenience.

[The following is fact checked by Daichi Sawamura and Sugawara Koushi]

Hinata Shoyo, who has managed to hold in four vodka redbulls, one can of beer, and half a vodka cruiser thus far, makes the suggestion to play drunken truth or dare. At this point in time, Kageyama Tobio is three cans of beer, and two cans of Jack Daniels and coke in. He is half-asleep on y/n, who looks visibly distraught, like when a guy you're not really into thinks he's allowed to sleep on your shoulder. At Hinata's proposal of truth or dare, y/n speaks into the air, however, it is inaudible to Tsukishima Kei, who has just returned from another twenty minute break in the bathroom. What can be said? The guy needs his downtime away from the rest of these drunk idiots. (This is a Daichi Sawamura approved comment)

In y/n's hand is a red cup, however, it is unconfirmed whether its contents are alcoholic or not. Everybody sits in a circle on the ground of Hinata Shoyo's living room, and in the fourth round of truth or dare, the following conversation ensues between Hinata Shoyo, y/n, Kageyama Tobio, Tsukishima Kei, and Yachi Hitoka.

[Transcript #5- Provided by Tsukishima Kei (aided by Daichi Sawamura and Sugawara Koushi)]

S. Hinata: Who's to SAYYYY...it isn't somebody...RIGHT HEEEEERE! [Hinata Shoyo swirls a bottled vodka cruiser in circles, and spills rougly 15mL of its contents onto his carpet. Nobody notices this. The carpet is not cleaned until the next morning. This will be of importance.]

T. Kageyama: Yeahhhhh...YEAAAAAAH! It HAAAAS to be somebody here, riiiiiiight?...RIIIIIIIGHT? [Kageyama Tobio nudges y/n's shoulders as he prods on. His inquisition is futile, as y/n does not respond directly to his advances. However, they shoot him a look. You know, the look of panic when a guy that you're a little bit into starts totally hitting on you in front of everyone.]

Y/n: Yachi's question was are you into anybody. Yes, I am. Who's next?

K. Tsukishima: Well...it's no FUN if you're not telling us whooooo! C'monnn, a guy hits on you every other day...it's BOOOOORING if you don't tell usssssss...specifics! Yeah, specifics!

T. Kageyama: You're...stiiiiiill getting hit on by OTHERRRR GUYSSSSS? [Kageyama Tobio proceeds to grab y/n by the shoulders, and turn them to face himself. Y/n is visibly taken aback. They shoot another look. the kind of look where your mouth is open and you suddenly stop blinking because you aren't sure how to anymore.]

Y/n: Can we...can we please move on to the next person? Thanks! [Y/n taps Kageyama Tobio's wrists two times. Kageyama Tobio releases y/n from his grasp, and folds his arms.]

H. Yachi: Goooooootcha! [Yachi Hitoka takes a swig from a red cup. Its contents are known to be cream soda and vodka in a 7:1 ratio, courtesy of Hinata Shoyo's contributions to the party's catalogue of available drinks. At this moment, Yachi Hitoka is two drinks in, and that is already two drinks too many.] So, Yamaguchi! Truuuuuuuth...or dare?

[End of transcript #5]

This round of truth or dare continues for another thirteen minutes. No further interactions are recorded between Kageyama Tobio and y/n within this timeframe. Daichi Sawamura and Sugawara Koushi leave the party prematurely at 9:20pm.

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[Report #4- Initiated by Tsukishima Kei]

Date of occurrence: March 29

Time of occurrence: 9:52pm

Location of occurrence: Living room, kitchen

[The following is not fact checked by Daichi Sawamura or Sugawara Koushi, and may contain inaccuracies. Ensure to cross check with multiple reliable sources. As reliable as you can get with a group of hammered, freshly graduated young adults, and their enabling seniors, at least. For the record, Tsukishima Kei has ceased his consumption of alcohol by this point in time. Tsukishima Kei's brother, Tsukishima Akiteru, gives him the talk when he returns home the following day, but that is not of importance. So don't worry about it. Just know that Tsukishima Kei was the second most responsible drinker of the night. Thanks.]

At approximately...9:52pm? Yes, 9:52pm, sure. At 9:52pm, y/n separates from the truth or dare circle, and proceeds towards the kitchen. They are seen filling up a red cup with coke, and nothing else. While y/n is away from the larger group, the following conversation ensues between Nishinoya Yuu, Kageyama Tobio, Tsukishima Kei, and Hinata Shoyo.

[Transcript #6- Provided by Tsukishima Kei]

Y. Nishinoya: No...I'VE GOT a GOOOOOOOOD ONE FOR HIM! ...KAGEYAMA! I...daaaaaare YOU!

K. Tsukishima: He asked for a truuuuuuuuuuth, not a...DAAAARE!

S. Hinata: GODDAMN LET HIIIIIIM FINISHHHHHH....

Y. Nishinoya: Yeaaaaaah, asshooooooole. Leeeeeet me FINISHHHHHH! [Nishinoya Yuu sniffs, and stares into the ceiling for four seconds. Not a single thought is coherent in Nishinoya Yuu's mind.]

T. Kageyama: Whaaaat am I dooooing! I'm gaaaaame enough...for ANYTHING! ANYTHIIIIIING! [Kageyama Tobio possesses a look that is a little insane, and proceeds to...beat at his chest? What the fuck? Did he actually beat at his fucking chest? (This is not Daichi Sawamura approved. Please cross check with reliable sources.)]

Y. Nishinoya: I daaaare YOU! To smack y/n's aaaaaaaass...hahah...ha.... [Nishinoya Yuu falls over to the side. He remains in slumber for the next thirty-two minutes.]

S. Hinata: Thaaaaaat...is CRAAAZY! Kaaaageyamaaaaa...are youuuuu! Gaaaaaame enoughhhhh!

[End of transcript #5]

Kageyama Tobio pushes himself off the ground at Hinata Shoyo and Nishinoya Yuu's provocations. He snickers to himself, and walks to the kitchen, where y/n is placing the two litre bottle of coke into the fridge. Kageyama Tobio proceeds to advance towards y/n, and smacks their behind, before…squeezing it? And then jiggling it in his- what the…fuck is going on? (This is not Daichi Sawamura approved, please cross check with reliable sources.) Y/n snaps around at the abrupt impact, and empties the contents of their cup onto Kageyama Tobio. It's a shame Nishinoya Yuu is too knocked out to witness what he has provoked. Sucks. The following commotion ensues between Kageyama Tobio, and y/n. Please note that parts of the conversation were inaudible from the truth or dare circle's location.

[Transcript #6- Provided by Tsukishima Kei, Yachi Hitoka, Hinata Shoyo, and Yamaguchi Tadashi]

Y/n: WHATTTTT the FUCK KAGEYAMA.

T. Kageyama: [inaudible]

Y/n: Oh...my fucking God! You are! Very drunk!

T. Kageyama: [Turns to the truth or dare circle.] TOOOLD YOU! I'M GAAAAAME ENOUGH! FOR AAAAAAAANYTHING!

Y/n: [inaudible]...NISHINOYA! [Y/n shoots a look towards the truth or dare circle. One of disdain. Contempt, even. In hindsight, the dare was much too inappropriate. Here is a reminder for everybody to apologise at the next available chance.]

T. Kageyama: Soooorry, [inaudible].

Y/n: [inaudible]...God, I should have never did it to you the first time. Not the place. Not! the place! [Y/n proceeds to grab Kageyama Tobio by the shoulders, turning him around. Kageyama Tobio is ushered into the bathroom, alongside y/n. Y/n shoots one more look at the truth or dare circle. Tsukishima Kei, as he writes this transcript, is beginning to understand Yachi Hitoka's slight fear of y/n. It's the side eye. They are definitely a little scary with the side eye.]

T. Kageyama: Ouuuuuu, the BAAAATHROOM! Thaaat's a firstttttt. [Kageyama Tobio wiggles his brows, and it's kind of creepy. Like when a guy is trying a little too hard to get laid, and is throwing every existing pickup line at you. Y/n smacks him in the side of his head, and pushes Kageyama Tobio into the bathroom. They slam the bathroom door shut and lock it. The two do not return until fifteen minutes later. It is unsure what occurred during that timeframe.]

[End of transcript #6]

When Kageyama Tobio and y/n return to the living room, it is approximately 10:12pm. Nishinoya Yuu is still asleep on the floor, and shows mild signs of...nevermind. Yachi Hitoka and Yamaguchi Tadashi have moved on to drunken karaoke. Hinata Shoyo and Tanaka Ryunosuke learn to do the Rasputin beside Nishinoya Yuu's unconscious body. Kageyama Tobio and y/n settle beside Yamaguchi Tadashi and Yachi Hitoka respectively, and pretend to be at a concert where the singers can barely remember their own lyrics and aren't sure what notes to hit. Tsukishima Kei wants to go home, but hasn't gathered a satisfactory amount of blackmail yet. Therefore, Tsukishima Kei stays the night. He passes out on the living room carpet at 12:03am.

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[Report #6- Initiated by Yamaguchi Tadashi and Hinata Shoyo]

Date of occurrence: March 30

Time of occurrence: 12:12am

Location of occurrence: Living room

Disclaimer: Any and all recounts made my Hinata Shoyo and Yamaguchi Tadashi from this point onwards may be liable to errors and inaccuracies. Since Tsukishima Kei made the disclaimer, the two believed they too were responsible for making one of their own. They admit that they were not responsible drinkers. They also admit that this will, undoubtedly, happen again.

12:12am is a time of silence. By this time, Tsukishima Kei has fallen asleep on the carpet, just beside Hinata Shoyo’s cruiser spill. He does not wake until 11:13am of March 30. Yachi Hitoka leaves the residence at approximately 11:30pm, alongside Tanaka Ryunosuke and Nishinoya Yuu, who are all picked up by Kiyoko Shimizu. Yamaguchi Tadashi and Hinata Shoyo are positioned at the kitchen counter, where they eat the graduation cake with their bare hands. At this point in time, Yamaguchi Tadashi has ceased all alcohol consumption, tapping out at two vodka redbulls, and two cream soda and vodkas in a 5:1 ratio. Hinata Shoyo, who has thrown up twice between this report and the last, has also ceased all alcohol consumption, tapping out at four vodka redbulls, one can of beer, and one vodka cruiser. Does cake work as a hangover cure? So sinful, so decadent…who gets to eat the happy graduation chocolate sign? Pay that no mind, for it is unimportant. What is of importance, is Kageyama Tobio and y/n’s current form.

Kageyama Tobio, who has tapped out after three cans of beer, two cans of Jack Daniels and coke, and an additional shot of pure vodka, stirs in his half slumber. This is no regular half slumber, but is one of intimacy, and of lovesick vulnerability, evident by his entire body splayed across y/n’s lap. At the time of this report, it is unsure whether y/n has consumed any amount of alcohol, but their sobriety is to be applauded regardless. (Please do not inform Kageyama Tobio of Hinata Shoyo’s comments on his character. Thanks.)

Y/n proceeds to bounce their leg twice, no, three times. Yes, three times is what it takes for Kageyama Tobio to stir awake. Hinata Shoyo and Yamaguchi Tadashi advance towards the couch at this moment, with the intention of smearing cake over Kageyama Tobio and y/n. However, upon entering the vicinity of the living room, the following conversation ensues between Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shoyo, and y/n. Please be reminded that Hinata Shoyo and Yamaguchi Tadashi are both drunk out of their mind, and that the conversation was one of whispers. For that reason, any and all details of the transcript are liable to errors, redaction, and/or inaccuracies. Apologies for the inconvenience.

[Transcript #7- Provided by Hinata Shoyo and Yamaguchi Tadashi]

T. Kageyama: [inaudible]…leave?

Y/n: Do you? [inaudible]…car [inaudible]

T. Kageyama: I don’t [inaudible]…ow. [Kageyama Tobio rubs at his temples. Hinata Shoyo believes he is crying, but also don’t tell Kageyama Tobio he thinks that. (This is not Daichi Sawamura approved. Please cross check with reliable sources.)]

Y/n: Alright. Upsies now, I’ll drop you off. [Y/n pushes Kageyama Tobio’s body off of their lap. Kageyama Tobio whines. Hinata Shoyo is recording this entire ordeal, but there is frosting on the camera from fumbling for his phone with cake-covered hands. It is unclear who is speaking in the video, or what is happening, really.]

T. Kageyama: Drop me…offffffff? BUT I THOOOOOUGHT- [Y/n proceeds to punch Kageyama Tobio in the side, to which he doubles over. Kageyama Tobio begins to giggle uncontrollably on the ground.]

Y/n: Yes. I'm dropping you off, Tobio. Hinata? [Y/n turns to Hinata Shoyo, who throws his phone onto the ground upon being spotted. They leave the couch, and attempt to pull Kageyama Tobio to his feet. Kageyama Tobio is still giggling, and is unable to find his grounding.]

S. Hinata: Y-yeeeeeees...? [Why are they looking at Hinata Shoyo like that? No, seriously, he's getting scared thinking about it again as he writes this transcript.]

Y/n: I think I'll head out, Kageyama needs a drop off and I'm getting tired. This was fun! Thanks for holding the party, happy grad! I'll catch you around, yeah?

S. Hinata: Of COUUUUUUUUURSE...! Youuuu're NEVER! Getting rid of USSSSS!

Y/n: Yeah, of course. See you soon, Hinata. Good luck with the cleanup. [Y/n has finally managed to pull Kageyama Tobio to his feet. They yank Kageyama Tobio by the arm, and push him out the front door.]

[End of transcript #7]

At 12:15am, Kageyama Tobio and Y/n leave Hinata Shoyo's residence. Yamaguchi Tadashi, and Tsukishima Kei do not leave until the day of March 30.

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[Report #7- Initiated by Tsukishima Kei, Hinata Shoyo, Yamaguchi Tadashi]

Date of occurrence: March 30

Time of occurrence: 11:13am

Location of occurrence: Living room

Tsukishima Kei is the first to wake from the stench of the cruiser spill by his nose. God, fuck, everything hurts. Is this what death feels like? A hangover? Also, that spill? Foul, fucking rank. It comes as no surprise that vodka, steeped into the fuzz of an unwashed carpet, would undoubtedly stink. That is beside the point. Tsukishima Kei leaves the ground at the stench, and searches for his phone. He is afraid. He promised to be home by midnight. His brother is going to kill him. Following two minutes of mindless smacking at the ground, Tsukishima Kei finally finds his device. Upon closer inspection, however, the following conversation is shown on the phone.

[Transcript #8- Provided by Y/n]

Y/n: r u dead???? -1:02am

Y/n: hurry up i wanna sleep:( -1:02am

Y/n: im not hearing water istg if ur not showering im gonna fucking drown u babe i dunked SODA all over u -1:03am

Y/n: r u hearing me -1:05am

Y/n: kageyama tobio r u hearing me because i still am not hearing water from my bathroom -1:05am

Y/n: if you don't shower ur sleeping on the ground tn -1:07am

Y/n: tobio r u done omg hurry up i wanna sleep sb -1:27am

[4 missed calls from: Y/n]

[End of transcript #8]

Upon this discovery, Tsukishima Kei wakes Hinata Shoyo and Yamaguchi Tadashi, who sleep on the couch for the night. The three ruminate on their next course of action, before the phone rings. The following conversation ensues between Tsukishima Kei, and y/n. Hinata Shoyo and Yamaguchi Tadashi choose to act as bystanders.

[Transcript #9- Provided by Tsukishima Kei]

Y/n: ...Fuck.

K. Tsukishima: So.

Y/n: He dropped it while wrestling you, didn't he.

K. Tsukishima: ...We wrestled?

[End of transcript #9]

[Case Closed]

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bonus:

When you realise that Tobio's phone is MIA, he finally returns from your bathroom. Barely clothed, he shakes his head, and droplets of water come flying from his hair. His feet are heavy against the floor, and he isn't sure if he'll even make it to your bed at this rate, until you come darting out of your room, phone in hand.

"Tobio, where is your phone?"

"My phone?" His phone, it's in the bathroom, like it always is when he showers, right? Tobio grunts, annoyed at the extra return journey to the bathroom. He swipes at his T-shirt on the bathroom counter-right, that's where his shirt has gone. What meets his fingers is cold porcelain, and he frowns, pulling his shirt over his head.

"Not...here? Good question...where is it?"

You drag Tobio to your room, shutting the door behind you. When he spares no time to roll into your bed, blissfully unaware, you glare at him, and remind yourself that you do, in fact, love the guy. Even if he drunkenly slapped your ass in front of everybody four hours prior, forgot about your warnings and drank much too far past his limit, and has by now, probably outed your relationship to everyone at the party, despite keeping it perfectly hidden for over a year. Unfortunately, you remind yourself once again that you indeed, do love Kageyama Tobio, so this can wait. What is important now, is catching up on lost slumber, and forcing Tobio to join you.

Crawling into bed beside him, you finally melt into his arms for the first time tonight, away from the eyes of the Karasuno volleyball team. Tobio smiles, satisfied with the way that you're relaxing against him, instead of pushing him off and smacking his head. He inhales the scent of your shampoo, slips his hands beneath your shirt to hold your bare waist. This is comfortable. You are comfortable. Better than whatever he was on at that party.

"Oh well, who cares? You probably dropped it while wrestling with Tsukishima."

"...I wrestled Tsukishima?"

author's note:

I hope this is as fun to read as it was to write and i also hope it's actually good because it's so crack that there's not really any fluff until the bonus bit at the end BUT i'll come back with some proper butterfly inducing fluff and or angst soon!! love u all!!

tags!!

@chuuya-brainrot @staraxiaa @catsoupki @hiraethwa @laughingfcx @akaakeis @kuroppiii @tulip-room @wyrcan @wishi-selfships @fiannee @bailey-reeds @zzwon

ok thank u for waiting n reading love u all see u soon bye bye

[imliterallyf7ckin9crazy]

“𝔄𝔩𝔩 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔦𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔩𝔡, 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔢𝔶 𝔦𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔩𝔡”

Nam gyu (124) x gn!reader x thanos (Choi su bong/player 230)

Warnings: angst kinda comfort…You’ll see, canon death, spoilers ig?, blood and violence, drug use, nam gyu isn’t that good of a person (still somehow my fav but whatever)

If you haven’t seen episodes 6 & 7 pls spare yourself. I literally used some dialogue from the English transcript

A/N: Okokok this will be my last nam gyu and thanos post for a sec so I can write stuff for arcane. Then some of my other favs from squid game too. But I cooked this up for these guys :3

TLDR: you, 230, and 124 are close friends. there’s the huge fight in the boys bathroom and thanos is killed by 333. Nam gyu comes out talking all crazy. You sit with him and he tells you what actually happened. And that he and everyone else who voted ‘O’ wants to attack the ‘X’ choosers during lights out.

————

Your eyes wade between the separated groups in the room. The vote ended in a danm tie, meaning the vote must be redone tomorrow. And people better have changed their vote.

Everyone was on edge, the hostility between the ‘X’ and ‘O’ groups was palpable. Glares, taunts, threats… even though the split existed from the beginning it still felt like everyone was in it together. Now it feels like a cage fight.

You sigh and rub your face, pulling yourself out of your habitual people watching. Nam gyu and thanos scampered off to the bathroom together. To ‘talk to our boy min-su about his vote’ as thanos put it. They promised to be back soon, and it was just to convince him to change his vote for the recount.

You knew that was bullshit. You knew and they knew the guy, player 333, was also in there. Along with half the ‘X’ team. They brought trouble everywhere they went. Sparing no one but each other… and you? In a way. They still strong armed you into sticking with the games, and they don’t really let you go far. They always appear together at the just right time to pull you off and rambled their fried little heads off. It made you feel special, and it’s safe to say you were left alone by everyone else.

But they have been gone for a suspiciously long time. Min-su isn’t known to stand up for himself so it can’t be him holding them up. Instead of observing your peers, your attention was now trained on the men’s bathroom door. Two pink soldiers stood just outside, guns clutched in hand.

‘What could be taking them so long?’ You wondered as you stared and stared and stared until you could have sworn you saw the door shake in its frame. Like something was being thrown against it. You kept looking, trying to decipher if you were just seeing things. Just as you begin to stand up money began to flow from the dispenser into the growing pot of money. Very soon after players began to clamber out of the bathroom.

The men walked out of the ‘O’ side first, battered to all hell with each one spattered with sickening amount of blood. Your eyes raced between the first few players to come out, searching for your friends. Desperate to see your only source of comfort, friendship and safety hasn’t been taken from you. Then nam gyu came out, equally doused in blood if not more so. Hands stained dark red with fresh blood, looking at everyone with this insane look in his eyes and out of breath. But no thanos. You immediately got the hint you’d never see him walk out of there.

He starts telling everyone that the ‘X’ players attacked the ‘O’s in the bathroom to sway the votes. Before that got too far it the other side made their way out, claiming that it was actually the ‘O’ team started the blood bath. The whole situation became who’s lying and who’s not. Further stirring the pot of resentment in the room. However that didn’t matter much to you. What mattered is that you still had something to cling to in a place where lives are ended over nothing. After the whole debate you got up and caught up to nam gyu who was making his way to thanos’ bed with dazed steps.

“Nam gyu!” You called for him, making him look over his shoulder in disgust until he saw it was just you. His facial expression changed from irritated to somewhat relieved. But he looked very different, even though nothing changed. He was covered in blood that wasn’t previously there obviously but it was something in his eyes. In his demeanor. In his soul. He stopped for a second for you.

When you get within his reach he is immediately resting his hands on your shoulder and giving them light pats. You think it’s his way of saying he’s ok. It was unusual for him to be so quiet, he usually has infinite things to say. You move to put your hands on his forearms in return. “What the actual fuck happened in there?”

All he did was tilt his head to the side, gesturing to thanos’ bed you all used to hang out. Clearly whatever it was he didn’t want anyone to know or hear. You just nod and follow as you walk with him until he crawls onto thanos’ bed and rubs his face as if he’s trying to tell if this is all real. Eventually he looks at you with tear glazed eyes, but not one tear fell. Quietly he reveals thanos’ cross out from his pocket.

“Oh, Thanos, you fսcking idiot. You were a piece of shit dude, you know that?” He says and you look at him with a confused expression. You could tell he didn’t mean it, why else would it be when you look at him you can tell it hurts him. He can try to pretend he doesn’t care, but he does. He pops open the cross and takes a pill out and places it in his mouth. “Couldn't get my name right”

“What happened.” You repeat, sitting down next to him, shoulders touching. He immediately leaned on you. He looks at you and gives the fakest chuckle you’ve ever heard.

“We were…discussing the vote with min-su” nam gyu starts “but that fucking cunt myung-gi came in acting all smart. He threw the first punch and it just kept going from there…” he trailed off, looking at you with this lost, dead look. “He’s gone”

You knew that, but it still hurts. You could tell it hurt him to say too. You lean your head on him as tears well in your eyes. Thanos was a terrible person, that’s just a fact. But he was different one on one. With the silly names, dancing, rapping… he always had something to say and made sure you had safety measures. Constantly reassuring you that him and nam gyu wouldn’t let you die.

Player 333….

“We lost one more than the other team. We’d lose the vote.” He picks the conversation back up, speaking in a soft voice. The voice he uses when he wants something. “We have to attack them tonight. Kill them. So we can keep playing”

Your jaw drops a bit. He’s really asking you to kill people so you both can stay and possibly die too? Like thanos? Like all the other strangers you had to watch he murdered inches away from you. “I don’t know…I don’t know if I could do that nam gyu-“

Suddenly nam gyu grabs your hand, looking you in the eyes as he places something small and round in the palm of your hand then closing your hand around it with a twisted smile. You look.

It’s a small bright red colored tablet. One of thanos’ little pills. You look up at nam gyu nervously. You open your mouth to protest but he doesn’t let you. “Just take it. It will help you. Don’t you want the money? Don’t you want to see each other outside of here, huh? Have a good life?” He pressures you, taking his hands and playing with your jacket, sleeves, anything on you he could touch. “This is how we can do that, yeah? You’ll feel better after you take that, I swear. Then it will be over after light out, okay?”

You just nod, close your eyes and take the pill, crushing it in your teeth. “There you go” he praises. He pulls a bloody fork from his pocket. “You can do you it” he says with a deadly smile. And all you can do is agree as you begin to feel lighter and lighter

————

[thepringlesofblood]

chungled

so. on dropout.tv there is one (1) episode of a show called "Dimension 20: Foundry", filmed over zoom during the pandemic, that never got past this pilot episode as far as I can tell. the idea is that brennan lee mulligan and [guest] will stat out a character together. the guest in this episode is lou wilson.

they create a full character sheet for Chungledown Bim*. as a 20th level warlock (Pact of the Chain).

now, it's possible that "Dimension 20: Foundry" just never took off, or got pushed to the side, but I personally believe that brennan lee mulligan made up this show specifically to trick lou wilson into creating his archnemesis.

the d20 wiki page for Chungledown Bim has the basic stats and some of the feats, but nowhere near the level of detail as a full character sheet (understandable). also completely understandably, the d20 transcription fan community has not come out with a transcript for this one extremely obscure video. I bring this up because I went through and did my best to accurately transcribe the character sheet, because it's fucking bonkers.

I also included some direct quotes from the episode in the often-ignored 2rd page of the character sheet where you list your backstory and what you look like and "allies and organizations" and general stuff that's significant but has no mechanical properties.

so. TLDR: i re-created Chungledown Bim's character sheet from the video where brennan and lou create one for him. god help us all.

*lou states in the video that 'Chungledown' has no hyphen.

bc the image IDs are going to be so so long, I'm putting em below the images instead of in alt text.

sorry the resolution's shit, I don't know why it did that.

note: I will not be noting areas I left blank in the image id. you can assume it's a basic dnd 5e charsheet template. i did the dark mode one bc i have sensitive eyes and wrote in comic sans for dyslexia reasons but otherwise that's how its organized, idk how to explain it in an image id other than just listing the information contained within.

[image id:

image 1:

Character Name: Chungledown Bim Class & Level: Warlock Lvl 20 Background: Pirate Race: Rock Gnome Alignment: Chaotic Evil

Strength: 14 (+2) Dexterity: 16 (+3) Constitution: 20 (+5) Intelligence: 18 (+4) Wisdom: 16 (+3) Charisma: 20 (+5)

Proficiency Bonus: +6

Armor Class: 14 Initiative: +3 Speed: 30 Hit Point Maximum: 206 Hit Dice: 20d8

Saving Throws Strength: +2 Dexterity: +3 Constitution: +5 Intelligence: +4 Wisdom: +9 (proficient) Charisma: +11 (proficient)

Skills

Acrobatics (Dex): +8 (proficient) Animal Handling (Wis): +3 Arcana (Int): +4 Athletics (Str): +14 (expertise) Deception (Cha): +11 (proficient) History (Int): +4 Insight (Wis): +3 Intimidation (Cha): +11 (proficient) Investigation (Int): +4 Medicine (Wis): +3 Nature (Int): +4 Perception (Wis): +9 (proficient) Performance (Cha): +5 Persuasion (Cha): +5 Religion (Int): +4 Sleight of Hand (Dex): +3 Stealth (Dex): +3 Survival (Wis): +3

Passive Wisdom (Perception): 19

Attacks & Spellcasting Name: Eldritch Blast ATK Bonus: +11 Damage: 4d10+5 force

Other Proficiencies & Languages

Languages:

Gnomish

Solisian

Proficiencies:

Navigator’s Tools

Vehicles (Water)

Light Armor

Simple Weapons

Equipment

10 GP

A belaying pin

50 ft of silk rope

Pirate Clothes

Seagull’s Beak

Leather Armor

2 Daggers

Blackjack

Flintlock (Arcane Focus)

Scholar’s pack

Brass Knuckles

Personality Traits: Crazy, Committed, Goal-Driven, Voracious Eater, Efficient, Frugal

Ideals: Vengeance, Revenge, Payback, Getting Even, Muttering, shitting in Fabian’s mouth - Mythologically Infinite Retribution

Bonds: Bill Seacaster, Upchungle, Fabian (Dark Reflection)

Flaws: IBS, Emotionally Closed-Off, Myopic, (Distant from Family, losing Cooking skills, combating ennui through obsession = non-sustainable)

Features & Traits: Darkvision Gnome Cunning

-ADV on INT, WIS, CHA saves vs. magic Artificer’s Lore Tinker Bad Reputation ——— Patron: Bill Seacaster (fiend) Dark One’s Blessing Pact of the Chain: Upchungle (a disgusting seagull) Dark One’s Own Luck Fiendish Resilience Hurl Through Hell Eldritch Master

Invocations

Cloak of Flies

Chains of Carceri

Investment of the Chainmaster -Mask of Many Faces

Otherworldly Leap

Repelling Blast

Eldritch Spear

Agonizing Blast

Feats

Grappler

Squat Nimbleness

image 2:

Character name: Chungledown Bim

Age: 65 Height: 3’8” Weight: 220lb Eyes: Yellow Skin: Sunburnt Hair: Matted

Character Appearance: Filthy Beard of mustaches unique teeth (different materials) Bloodshot eyes “he is elementally tied to the concept of filth” - Brennan Lee Mulligan huge overcoat with pockets full of pasta

Allies & Organizations: Upchungle (familiar) “as fucked up as he [chungledown] is” “always greasy” “Chungledown has a real intimate relationship with this fucked up bird” doesn’t need to breathe, can be summoned in a flock of up to 6 Upchungles

Cult of Bill Seacaster Bill Seacaster is a fiendish patron, who sponsors Chungledown because he wants his son to have the best nemesis possible (see quotes below)

Additional Features & Traits

“…especially with how he’s [Bill] gone full chaotic, the idea that like, ‘cause he loves me and wants the best for me and I think he knows I need a nemesis. you know, he had James, I have this crazed gnome who wants to shit in my mouth, and so I think there’s part of me that’s like, my dad is like, what’s up? Like you want to, I love you son but this is something you need to face and I’m going to help make it as powerful as it can be so that when you overcome it, you know true victory.” - Lou Wilson

“There’s honestly part of me that thinks that Chungledown Bin tried to switch out patrons and my dad just murdered ‘em. Like murdered whoever he was going to and was like nope, you’re sticking with me, because I want you to have the best. I want you to have the best when you come for my son” - Lou Wilson

Character Backstory:

“There was a man, Chungledown Bim, but like the character, the fullness of Chungedown Bim starts the day I turned my back on him, and that’s the day he begins the work to become the man we [he and Brennan] are creating today, and that man is 20 levels of warlock” - Lou Wilson

“like an arcane John Wick of taking a shit in your mouth” - Brennan Lee Mulligan

Treasure:

his trinket, the Seagull’s Beak is the literal, dirty, grungy beak of a dead seagull. he gets “surprisingly emotional” when he can’t find it, and sleeps clutching it.

image 3:

Spellcasting Class: Warlock (Pact of the Chain)

Spellcasting Ability: CHA Spell Save DC: 19 Spell Attack Bonus: +11

Cantrips:

Eldritch Blast Poison Spray Infestation Create Bonfire

Spell level: 1 Slots total: 0

Find Familiar

Command

Spell level: 2 Slots total: 0

Spider Climb

Flock of Familiars

Spell level: 3 Slots total: 0

Stinking Cloud

Tongues

Incite Greed

Counterspell

Spell level: 4 Slots total: 0

Blight

Wall of Fire

Sickening Radiance

Spell level: 5 Slots total: 4

Negative Energy Flood

Scrying

Far Step

Contact Other Plane

Dream

Mystic Arcanum (once per long rest) -Investiture of Stone

Mystic Arcanum (once per long rest) -Etherealness

Mystic Arcanum (once per long rest) -Power Word Stun

Mystic Arcanum (once per long rest) -Imprisonment

/end id]

[mystxmomo]

HI im getting into vhaeraun so, tasks and Situations permitting, im gonna see if I can shoot you some questions to learn more about his scrunkly ass 👉👈

so! what, in your opinion, are vhaerauns most PROMINENT traits (ie whats most obvious in how he acts+interacts) and what are vhaerauns most IMPORTANT traits (core defining aspects that influence his decisions+behaviors and how he approaches relationships)?

often times theres overlap there, but i get the impression vhaeraun keeps a lot close to his chest. and as a bonus followup: are there any differences with those two between Vhaeraun-as-Person and Vhaeraun-as-Deity

hope this ask is fun!! ouo)7

Thank you for enabling me. Gladly.

Post write-up edit: Sorry ahead of time. This ended up being Very, very long. 6k words... a lot of it is transcription from the novels and guidebooks though. If you want the TL;DR of my thoughts I summarize everything at the end, but all the dirty details are in the middle.

Also late edit: Thank @abracadav-r for digging up a lot of these screenshots while I went crazy on the write up. They were a MASSIVE help getting all the information I needed to cite in order.

Okay so. Three things right off the bat before I get into this.

This is something that I feel like goes without saying when I talk about these things, but I always feel the need to add a disclaimer on just in case one of these posts escape containment. A lot of these thoughts are going to be conclusions that I have come to about this character based on the evidence we're given canonically. Given that it's my opinion, I don't want to imply that it's the only way to interpret this character and in fact I think the charm of DND and the various characters within it is that they're little tools you can use to best shape the narrative you're trying to tell.

As such, I'm going to be trying to make it clear when something is "This is a presumption I have made based on evidence." And "This is just plain-spoken canon" and generally speaking, I will try and cite directly what I've pulled from.

Now. Related to that first point. I'm going to be pulling from Evermeet: Island of Elves the novel. The thing about Evermeet is that the way it's presented is as an optional mythos for the elves. As in, in universe, it is told from the perspective of someone passing down an oral tradition. It is a biased origin myth written by the victors.

Now. The reason I personally like Evermeet, despite having some qualms with the metatextual framework of it (which I will get into in depth when it pops up but tldr; There's a lot of victim blaming and the author does not seem aware that she wrote an abuse victim. It was the late 90's of course familial abuse against men isn't treated seriously) is that I'm of the personal belief that the Elf and Drow mythos, when existing in conversation with one another, is best interpreted as a story about familial abuse through the largescale framework of the divine. This is my personal agenda and my bias, and something that Evermeet is great for giving me evidence of! But, still worth establishing that this is a novel that you don't have to take as canon.

Final point before our read-more, because this is getting dangerously long as is. Because of how things are framed within the stories we're given, I do I feel like it's very important to pull up the context itself and not just go off the wiki. The example I will use for this is that on Vhaeraun's wiki page, there is a quote from him that out of context makes it sound like he's choosing not to help one of his follower because the follower hasn't impressed him well enough

“You lack the skill.” — Vhaeraun to Malvag when asked, "Why won't you help me?"

However, in context it becomes (in my opinion) very clear that Vhaeraun isn't helping him because he sincerely thinks that the guy can't do it. Like it would be dangerous for him to try. I'm under the impression in context that he's not denying him because he thinks he doesn't deserve it, he's denying him because he sincerely lacks the skill to use that help properly. And I think that is an important place to actually start our larger character analysis.

Vhaeraun watched. Malvag could feel the god's presence just over his shoulder. He whispered yet another prayer, one that would allow him to touch the god's omniscience. "I need him," he pleaded. "Why won't you help me?" The answer was a whisper only Malvag could hear. You lack the skill. Malvag rocked back on his heels. stunned. That was it [...]

So I'm bad at keeping things into categories. So we're going to start with what I think are Vhaerauns most important traits, and then go into his most prominent ones, because I feel like the important traits color the prominent ones, but like you said I think that kind of meshes with who he is as a person and why he behaves like he does. I'm going to try and narrow it down as I go, but if some of this seems a bit scattered at times. [mumbling noises] don't worry about it.

So that in mind. Insane thing to start with, but the biggest thing I would argue for with Vhaeraun is that he is best painted as a victim of abuse. And this isn't implication. If you take Evermeet at face value and how he interacts with Lolth in the beginning chapters, this is plain text.

(This is going to be the longest section because I have a lot to say on this both in how it's portrayed on a media analysis level and in a "What this means for his character" level, so I apologize in advance)

"Sehanine!" shrieked the dark goddess. She rose and rounded on her son, who'd been standing at her shoulder like a hovering raven awaiting a chance to feed. Vhaeraun took an instinctive step backward. "You idiot!" she screamed her face contorted with rage [...]

"And he is your lord husband. If there is a difference, please explain it to me. Otherwise, we will say that I am your son and leave the matter as settled," Vhaeraun said. His words were blunt and the implications harsh; instinctively he braced himself for another display of his mother's ready temper. To his surprise she laughed delightedly "You are my

[...] "And then what?" he countered in a tone that approximated his mother's sneer. "How can you hope to rule, with a goddess of Sehanine's power to oppose you? You should kill her now, when she is still helpless." Araushnee's hand flashed forward and dealt a ringing slap to her son's face. "Do not presume to question me," she said in a voice that bubbled with rage. "If you are so ignorant that you believe one god can easily kill another, perhaps I was wrong to make you my confidante and partner!" "But what of Herne?" pressed Vhaeraun, eager to salvage something of his dignity even it that only meant winning some small point of argument. "You told me that Malar killed him. And for that matter, why would you set Gruumsh and Malar against Corellon, if neither had hope of success?" "Don't be more of a fool than you must," snapped the goddess. "It is one thing to destroy a god from another place and another pantheon even among the gods, there are hunters and hunted, predators and prey. But to kill a member of one's own pantheon is another matter. If it were so easy, would I not already rule Arvandor?" The young god regarded his mother for several moments, his eyes thoughtful and his fingertips gingerly stroking his stinging cheek. "If it is as you say," he said slowly, "then perhaps you should leave the Seldarine." "Have you not heard a word I have said this day? [...]"

;;

The young god regarded his mother for several moments, his eyes thoughtful and his fingertips gingerly stroking his stinging cheek. "If it is as you say," he said slowly, "then perhaps you should leave the Seldarine." "Have you not heard a word I have said this day? I wish to rule the Seldarine!" "Then do so by conquest, rather than intrigue," Vhaeraun suggested, "You have been amassing an army to do your will. Leave the Seldarine, and lead that army yourself! Imagine Araushnee at the head of a mighty force, the leader of the anti-Seldarine!" he concluded, his voice ringing with the drama of it and the pride of one who admires his own visions. Araushnee stared at him for a moment, then she shook her head in despair. "How did I give birth to two such idiots? Think, boy! List in your mind the great and glorious generals I have enlisted!"

Now. And here's where my issue with the metatextual framework of Evermeet sits.

The conclusion our wonderful friend Elaine Cunningham seems to want us to come to is that he is inherently complicit in his mothers schemes. Like, theres this consistent idea throughout the book that he is equally at fault as his mother for everything that happened, and that bleeds into the text. It's in the way he's framed around her as that of "A Hovering Raven", and like he's lesser for not standing up to her in that moment. But, what I'm reading with my eyes in the good god given year of 2025 is a character who is getting thrown around by his mother and fawning under her to keep her anger regulated. He's constantly portrayed as preparing to or actively take a hit from her, or deal with the repercussions of her anger, or being on some receiving end of some beration. It does not escape me that he adjusts his plans and the way he talks to make her happy. He suggests that they leave and when it's clear that she's not happy he adjusts his thoughts until she is happy with it.

Now, all of this isn't just a "Here's my propoganda as to why my poor blorbo did nothing wrong moment," (Being upfront, my conclusion for Vhaeraun is "Did a few things wrong, but not nearly as much as you'd think) I think this is something that genuinely colors his motivations and the kind of person he is later. Likewise, I think this showcases something thats not only deeply important about him as a person, but Eilistraee and the dynamic that they're in. I think Vhaeraun did, as a result of being her favorite child, experience more of Lolth's direct abuse than Eilistraee did, and it's given him more of an awareness and nuance of the kind of person their mother is than his sister has.

Editing in a long minor note going into the next section before I post this: I feel the need to establish. As a character, I do actually really like Eilistraee. Vhaeraun is my main focus, but Eilistraee is my third favorite Dark Seladrine god on a character level. I'm a little bit critical of her and her world view here because the book isn't. I feel a bit more of a need to defend Vhaeraun's logic and a bit more of a need to dismantle Eilistraee's because the narrative handling for both consistently isn't handled with the amount of nuance that I think they should be. I personally think Vhaeraun and Eilistraee are two sides of the same coin. Despite what DnD wants me to believe, I don't think Eilistraee is always right and Vhaeraun is always wrong. I think they're two characters responding very differently to the insane and extreme circumstances in which they stemmed from, and to say one is wholly correct and the other is "The wrong one" misses the point.

I also acknowledge that this is a DnD'ism that a lot of people have already criticized since even going back to the 90's. I am not the first to say that the alignment system doesn't hold up and the in-universe idea of good and bad is inherently flawed and lacks a lot of nuance. Like. I think there's this idea of "Because we know he ends up evil, this isn't as severe, because he deserves it for being evil" levels of logic happening within the narrative. Take my hand though, we're going to add nuance to it.

Something else important about Vhaeraun. Just a little thing worth mentioning, not too important in the grand scheme of things. Maybe a little more important than I'm implying. Vhaeraun was the original Main Influential God of the Drow.

So. Comparatively, Eilistraee to me reads as a little naive with how she's often portrayed. She was shielded from the worst of their mothers temper and abuse as a result of being her fathers favorite.

Eilistraee, to me, doesn't understand the intricacies of violence, war, and abuse. When she see's her brother, she see's the same kind of evil as her mother. But Eilistraee a FASCINATINGLY unreliable narrator. She is biased against her brother and his influence, so she is only ever going to see the spread of it as an evil. And because, as mentioned, the book is operating on the assumption that he too is evil, it doesn't so a lot to showcase HOW his presence is an evil. So. Vhaeraun came to Toril first, and Lolth followed because she felt his presence off of one of the elves that came into the Demonweb pits. And the country that he was worshiped in was implied to not only be functional, but like thriving in a time when Dragons were the main threat. And his power only collapsed like it did because of his people dying in a black plague level of tragedy.

Other effects of the Sundering also brought mixed emotions to the goddess. On the one hand, it had destroyed many of her worshipers. Yet for each of her elves that had tumbled into the sea or been crushed by falling stone, at least three of Vhaeraun's followers had perished. Lloth reigned supreme among the dark elves' gods.

The conclusion that I'm coming to (Admittedly, this one doesn't have canon basis in plain text to point to, but stick with me) I think Vhaeraun see's himself as the "Rightful" God of the Drow (As in, drow as a whole, not just male drow.) He see's himself as someone that had his "Kingdom" stolen from him. If HE was in control the drow would still be powerful. If HE was the main one being worshiped, they would be respected. But because his mother came and influenced them, he (they) lost everything.

Related to both of these point, I don't think that he has ever seen Eilistraee as a direct threat to him and his power. All of his hatred towards his sister has been portrayed (and outright stated) to be rooted reaction to how he's treated as a result of their father favoring her, and what he see's as her enabling. And again, that goes right back into what my thesis point is for the Drow/Elf pantheon. This is a story about an abusive family structure, and that colors everything about the relationships between parent and child and siblings.

[...] Likewise, the Masked Lord nurtures an abiding hatred of Eilistraee. The Dark Maiden always held Corellon's favor more than her hateful brother, and she thwarted Vhaeraun's early efforts to bring all the Ilythiiri (southern, dark-skinned elves) under his sway, enabling Lolth and Ghaunadaur to make great inroads among those who would become the drow. [...]

"Not alone," Vhaeraun said firmly. "Eilistraee plotted with us. She deserves to share my fate." "Eilistraee? I cannot believe this of the girl" began Sehanine. "You were not here!" Aerdrie broke in fiercely. "I saw her shoot the arrow that struck down Corellon! And as her own mother points out, the girl has never missed her mark!" Corellon shook his head. "I cannot believe she would do such a thing!" "Believe!" hissed Vhaeraun, enraged that Corellon suffered such doubt and anguish at the thought that his precious Eilistraee might have turned against him. He was willing enough to name his son a traitor! Vhaeraun had always hated his younger, favored twin. Now he would have his vengeance. The young god turned to his mother, his eyes burning with an enmity that set even one such as Araushnee back on her heels. "You promised me power and honor," he said in a voice meant only for his mother's ears. "But instead, your ambitions have cost me everything. Give me Eilistraee, and I will consider this day's bargain well made."

[...] Finally he looked to Vhaeraun. "Eilistraee has chosen. Go now, and take her with you. But know that the day your hand is lifted against her will be the last of your life. This I swear, by all the trees of Arvandor." Vhaeraun's face twisted with hatred and rage, but he had little choice but to comply. Corellon stood silent as the young god shouldered his unconscious twin and disappeared. Finally he rose to his feet and faced his fallen love. [...]

And I do think it's a bit telling that even at the height of his power, the most he did was exile her. (This is implied, who else would have done it)

[...] "I am known as Eilistraee, the Dark Maiden. I require from you neither reverence nor vigilance," she said softly. "I come as a friend, and in need of friends. Put aside both your weapons and your wonder, and let us talk. There are things that you must know if you intend to confront the Ilythiiri." The sadness in her voice smote Sharlario's heart, and he did as she bid. "You spoke of exile, lady," he commented. "Forgive me, but I have never heard of such a thing. From whence are you exiled, and, if I might ask, why?" "Most recently, from the southlands," the goddess said. [...]

Authors note: The Ilythiiri were drow before they were called drow.

If he wanted her dead (for the crime of existing), I think he would have killed her ages ago. But I don't think he does. I think he's just angry at the hand he's been dealt and it's easier to blame her than it is to unpack the complicated feelings he has towards his mother. Him attacking her in Lady Penitent feels like a means to an end for me. He's not attacking her because he hates her personally, despite what she thinks. He's attacking her because (In character logic and reasoning) if he combines their churches then maybe he will have enough power to combat their mother.

(Now. I as an author think this is flawed logic, and we know that because when Eilistraee took his aspects the churches splintered, because you can't force people to worship someone they don't like. But, his logic and reasoning nonetheless)

I'm not sure where to include this, but we're getting to the end of the family section and I still haven't mentioned Selvetarm.

Selvetarm... To keep it short. The cycle of abuse continues. He's absolutely blinded by rage when it comes to his family.

[...] "What I want, you speck of a creature" he brandished the stump of his wrist before Inthracis's face "is Selvetarm's obsequious brain torn from his foul head so that I can use his empty skull as a piss pot." [...]

Now. Going away from all of that to the next big thing with him.

I think a lot of people want to kind of. Dance around the drow racism of his character. I don't think we can dance around the fantasy racism of his character. I think, in fact, we need to sit on the fantasy racism a little bit and peel back the layers of it because I actually think the framework of what we're looking and what it says about him is kind of interesting. Because Vhaeraun really does not hate non-drow.

This can be a touchy subject. Up front, take none of this as a defense of his mindset, just an explanation toward its and an exploration of it.

Source citing note: This section comes from this video by Ed Greenwood on him.

[Start: 3:41] Non-drow can become priests of Vhaeraun, but it's very rare, as the deity is inherently suspicious of non-drow, and because many drow, holding similar suspicions, would refuse to accept, so train and work with, such an individual. So if someone wants to embrace the faith of Vhaeraun in service, that is, becoming an ordained priest, they are going to have to demonstrate personal support to Vhaeraun's aims, then appeal in prayer to the deity directly. Vhaeraun will respond, manifesting an avatar, and flood supplicant's mind with his own, an excruciatingly painful experience that may well drive the supplicant mad. His arrogance and force of presence is terrible to most mortal to prove their thoughts and memories personally. Vhaeraun must be certain of their motives and their loyalty. He dare not allow a traitor into the ranks of his relatively, when measured against the ever present malicious darkness that is the worship of his mother Lolth, small and weak church. If he finds treachery, he will typically destroy the mortal mind he has melded with, leaving the hapless would be traitor a drooling, vertigo smitten victim, able to speak and reason only slowly and haltingly, and so extremely vulnerable to almost any hostile being. If he finds loyalty, he will be delighted, for he sees the road to achieving his aim of drow supremacy as necessitating acceptance of his guidance and that of the mortal drow who serve him by non-drow. He will mark such a mind with a boon, typically darkvision, or, for a gifted mortal, the ability to cast dancing lights at will, or darkness, or fairy fire, once every 48 hours, from the moment of their last casting of a magic he's conferred. This boon is not entirely generous, but also serves to alert all drow, Vhaeraun intends it for his followers, but it works for drow of any primary loyalty, that this individual is his. That is, that he favors this being and they are loyal to him. This is what enables a non-drow wannabe cleric of Vhaeraun to find acceptance in the ranks of his church. They will never be entirely trusted, as in, they may well be trusted with dangerous, important tasks or missions by senior priests who see them as inherently expendable, but they will always be watched, both overtly and covertly. But so long as they accept their subservient role, they will be accepted.

But this isn't the only thing I want to bring up from this video.

How much do you know about the concept of noblesse oblige.

("the inferred responsibility of privileged people to act with generosity and nobility toward those less privileged.")

[..] Vhaeraun himself has bolstered this acceptance by protecting such non-drow priests personally in situations where he manifests, and clearly, by his words and deeds, caring about their health, safety, and welfare. When one of his senior drow priests, Alont Aerlarr of Athkatla, asked the god why he did this, Vhaeraun replied, "To lead and rule others means we must value those others; a shepherd who cares not for the sheep is no worthy shepherd. By valuing our livestock, we increase our own value and demonstrate to all our fitness to lead all other creatures." [...]

Using these as sources, here is what I think Vhaeraun's mentality and the drow supremacy of it all comes from.

Vhaeraun does sincerely see drow as being better than other races. However. To properly understand where his mindset is, you must also understand that it is a racism of patronizing rather than one of pure hatred. Drow are better, they're stronger, they're my favorite, so we must show our strength and power and our ability to care for those we will rule. How can we be trusted to rule over them if we do not carry ourselves with the honor and respect of someone that is worthy of ruling.

It is the divine right to rule on a hierarchical level.

I also think there is a level of distrust and discomfort that comes from their their circumstance. He is the counter to Eilistraee's "We must show others we are good and deserving of their respect." He is this logic of "Why should we trust and respect those that don't respect us? They should just already respect us."

So I think the drow supremacy of it all is uhh. Nuanced. I don't think his mindset is right, but I also think it is one that would be changed if their circumstances were less extreme. I also think the mindset enables his church to do uh. Evil Slavery Things! Again, we cannot get around the evil fantasy slavery things and the bigotry of it all.

But we can explore it. Because this is a fictional character in a fictional setting.

Now, semi-related to the above point as well, with all of that in consideration, I don't know if Vhaeraun wants power for the sake of power. I don't have any in-text proof of this outside of "Everything above is emblematic of a deeper motivation" but I'm kind of under the impression that to Vhaeraun, power is synonymous with stability and respect.

So. That's Vhaeraun and the important/prominent traits he has. Now I think we can get into him as a person on a personality level.

;;

It is now that we can actually pull things up from Demihuman Deities and Drow of the underdark, and a little bit from War of the Spiderqueen

Personality wise, this is how he's described.

I think your impression of him (That he's someone that keeps a lot close to his chest) is correct. My personal interpretation of Vhaeraun is that he is playing the part his followers need him to play. What he needs to be is a leader and a king. What I think Vhaeraun wants is to be one of the guys (for a lack of a better term). He wants to be included. He WANTS to be called out to, and wants to be wanted. He finds it hard to hold aloof from the needs of his worshipers. He doesn't want them summoning anyone but him.

and this is built into how he works mechanically. He's weak on his own, but he's supposed to be built around his followers and take advantage of their skill set.

Related: Do you want to see the hottest thing he's ever done. Like canonically. To me.

Defending one of his guys without even looking and then sending the assailant flying into the air. Deeply hilarious. Very hot. I would trust him with my life. I think about this passage a non-zero amount.

=

Not important to his character persay, but a fun sidenote to cut through all this. While the fact he's the god of thieves has gotten the most focus in recent years, in the many ways he parallels Eilistraee he's actually the God of the Night canonically, and a lot of things around him (especially in earlier editions) ride around that coding. If Eilistraee is the moon, he is the sky and the stars.

=

I joke about the fact he's a dumbass (Because he can be a little bit of a dumbass) but I do actually think he prefers logic and reason schemeing solutions to violent ones. If he can get power by doing tax evasion, he prefers that to doing it through conquest. Because conquest means the people that worship him die as well, and he really doesn't like putting his guys at risk.

As an example, and something I consider to be a deeply telling thing of his character. He's a bitch that LOVES a loophole. Gods aren't allowed to steal souls from other gods? That's fine. He'll just have his followers do it. He's not breaking any rules.

He can't kill mortals directly? That's fine. He'll hire demons to do it.

He's someone that LOVES getting away with things that he should not. He doesn't need to fight. He just needs to outscheme.

(Though, and this isn't supported by anything in text and another thing I just personally noticed as a trend. Despite seeming to view himself as a schemer and a logical person, he is a character who is not only deeply driven by his emotions, but kneecapped by them as well. As mentioned earlier, he's so blinded by his anger towards his family that it ruins multiple of his plans. His want to keep his worshipers safe stops him from using them, even when they might have allowed it. I think a lot of the things he did in WotsQ was driven by panic. He acts before he thinks, and he acts on his emotions, and he hides that he acts on his emotions by putting up this edgy, knives and shadows front.)

Anyway. Final note. He's a whore. Male slut. Libertine.

Now, there's a consistent implication with most gods in the Forgotten Realms that they are willing to sleep around, and I know that Ed Greenwood has described the presence of gods as caresses and touches. However, lets be clear. There's no implication here. He is just one of the few gods that even back in 2e that is directly mentioned to be sleeping with his followers.

Masked traitors receive the personal attention of Vhaeraun in the form of useful information imparted to them from time to time in their dreams. The Masked Lord richly rewards those who do well in his service, and he often (falsely) hints he is willing grant immortality to worthy traitors or even elevate them to the role of his consort

Now, you can interpret that the (Falsely) is applicable to both the immortal line and the consort line, but

Dragging evermeet back in for one last rodeo.

[...] This proved to be a difficult task, considering that the entire Seldarine was celebrating the dual victories of Corellon Larethian. Avoiding several score of celebrating elven deities, even in a place as vast as Arvandor, proved to be no easy matter. Nor was it easy to hold Vhaeraun's attention: Many a young goddess-and one or two of the elder powers as well-urged the handsome young god to join in the merriment. At highsun, Araushnee finally left Vhaeraun to his revels. She sought out Corellon, for he might [...]

Lolth voice: Ugh. Keeping my sons attention is so hard. Why is it always him and the partying.

Vain.... Handsome.... Okay. I see you DnD. He cares about his appearance, and how he's being perceived.

===

So where does all of this bring us. How do I summarize my thoughts on Vhaeraun: The Masked Lord.

[All of these are my personal conclusion summed up. If you disagree, thats totally fine! But this is the impression of him I personally get with all of this in consideration.]

I think a massive and defining part of his character is the concept of noblesse oblige. This is something that colors so much of the way he behaves. Because as a deity he is stronger than the drow that worship him, it is his job and his duty to protect them. Because drow are better than other races, and it is their duty to Shepard them. If they are not protecting them properly (And by proxy, If he is not protecting his guys properly) that is a failure on their (his) part. He's someone who believes in the idea of honor amongst his own people.

In contrast to that, I think he is deeply possessive, protective, petty, spiteful motherfucker. He is, above all else, emotional, and driven by the things he feels. And I think the things he feels most frequently anger and righteous fury.

And I think the irony of it all is that all of that comes from the fact that he cares. In fact, I think he only acts as he does because of how strongly he cares. The drow are his. They are something stolen from him. He loves the drow. That is his love and his empathy, because it is the only way he's ever known how to love and empathize. And the reason that is the only way he knows how to love and empathize is because he's an abuse victim. You cannot touch on the concept of Vhaeraun without touching on his sister, mother, and father because he only became the kind of person he is because of them. While you don't have to touch on his son, I think doing so adds another layer, because it shows another way he's kneecapped by his emotions. He can't separate the emotions he feels towards his mother from the feelings he has towards his son, thus inflicting the same neglect and pain he was subjected to onto him and leaving him in the hands of his mother, while blaming him and strictly him for what she made of him [Selvetarm, that is.]

You know. Like people to him.

I think his evolution of going from what seems to be this young, Dionysus like deity, to a god of territory who managed to make alliances with dragons and create a respected empire, to this militant and paranoid divine figure and leader of rebellion is fascinating.

And I think, despite his personality being the way it is? He's not unkind. He just isn't wearing that kindness on his sleeve. He CAN'T wear the kindness on his sleeve. But his gifts aren't insincere. He wants to include his worshipers in the things he's doing. He wants to BRING them places.

"Vhaeraun has called me to his service in the planes beyond Faerûn on several occasions," Tzirik admitted. "In fact, I have been in the Demonweb Pits before now. All the gods of our race reside here, each in their own domain within this great chasm of webbing. My previous business did not take me to Lolth's domain, though, and that was a good many years ago."

I think he is someone deeply motivated by the concept of "Means to an end." Doing bad things now is fine, because once we're in power we won't need to do that anymore. It's okay to do bad things to the people that don't respect us, because it is not our job to convince them to respect us. They will see our power, and then they will respect us.

And, if you want something that I think is never stated plainly, but my insane delusions of the upmost degree. I think he's a god who's a little uncomfortable with the divine. They're not something that can be trusted. But his mortals? The ones who chose to worship him and put their trust in him? They are the ones he likes. They are the one's he'll protect.

And also all of that and he's a slut.

[huggywuggysuppy]

Gem Teases Traffic Divorce

And I'm falling for it. Analysis thoughts + partial transcript for Pearl 5/12 stream, and how it demonstrates their approach to their traffic characters - potentially even plans for next season. Also how GemPearlOli amplify each other in the best ways.

TLDR: egged on and safe in Oli’s chaos bubble, Gem uses Life Series to win Pearl’s attention. Shinyduo teaming up, while she reiterates is not impossible, can only happen once the divorce is “satisfyingly resolved.” Pearl’s question then is how are they ending things, because she’d really like to be friends again, weaponizing her passivity to get there. Both want an end to the divorce: now they’re figuring out how. More thoughts vvv

To understand how we got here, let's go from the beginning. It's pretty rare for Life Series to be teased so explicitly.

The Setup (For Gem To Do What She Does Best)

(51:30) Oli: Once in a while I should have Pearl time, and I should have Gem time! I shouldn't have to fight for this!

Oli enters at 50:00 for his normal Pearl(dle) time, although more enthusiastic than usual. He brings up Gem stealing Pearl time (and vice versa) almost immediately, partly because he's already campaigning for chat’s approval during BG3. They both discuss the recent Life Series teasing (inc. accidental Duck Life) and how other MCYT's (Cambam <3) hopped on the bandwagon to taunt fans on purpose. The tone is already set for Gem to appear, steal Pearl, and tease traffic. And that's what happens.

(52:45) Oli: Last time Gem crashed out and we didn't play for another week after that because — I think she was tired. Gem in Oli chat: thats just wrong???? Hes lying to pearl Oli: No that [what he's saying] is true. It's just true. Gem in Oli chat: what is going on. im getting on hermitcraft. im crashing this

At this point Gem makes her appearance in Oli's chat — not really caring that they're starting late — and rises to the bait. The whole Baldurs thing is actually about "being nice when in conflict," which is very relevant to Traffic!Shinyduo. This sets the foundation of Oli and Gem competing for which one of them is telling the truth. And because Pearl is involved, it's also about who matters more to her.

(56:29) Gem: 'Cause he's saying that I crashed out when he almost ruined our honor mode run. That was him! That wasn't Gem. Oli (background): Nonononono I made— Pearl: Why am I getting punched for that?! Gem (continued): And then he didn't reach out for it the next week. That was him being tilted, Gem's not titled, Gem's been playing! Still. I'm solo. Oli: How do I pass the message onto them—

Gem arrives, punches Pearl a bunch to get her attention and also back at Oli. They're both using the "make a lot of noise" strategy which disables any Pearl input while sabotaging each other. For the actual argument: Gem maintains the other party is lying and she's very composed and reasonable. Sound familiar?

(56:50) Pearl (already distressed): I forget that you can't hear Oli right now. Gem: I have no idea what Oli's saying. Which is great because I don't need to hear him. It doesn't matter what he's saying because he's a liar.

A lot of talking happens in this and I'm skipping some Oli lines where he's just trying to get a word in while Pearl's completely focused on understanding Gem. Pearl eventually tries translating for Oli and repeating what he's saying, but it doesn't fully work, especially because Gem loves shutting it down anyway. She's not trying to play fair.

(57:48) Pearl: You can't crash out Oli because I have two voices in my ears and I'm expected to translate it to both of you and I'm struggling. Oli: Poor Pearl man. I can't believe Gem's done this to you-think, I would never do this-and she divorced you by the way-and she leaked bird life-she's done too many things!

Oli, as usual, amplifies Shinyduo, this time by bringing up divorce first. He also draws the traffic connection for Gem to use. Now's a good time to reference my recent gem relationship chart:

Anyway. Gem punches Pearl some more but eventually transfer to playing Pearldle.

(58:20) Pearl: I wonder if there's a way I could... no, I don't think there's a way I could put his audio through... Oli: No, I don't want her to hear this. I want you to be zen, not her. She doesn't deserve it Gem (simultaneously): Don't worry about it! I don't need to hear Oli. It doesn't matter what Oli's saying to me. Oli: She keeps trying to tilt you man. She's like the villain-I would never do this to you Pearl, we're good friends right? Gem: I don't need to hear him, it's not important. I'm having my Gem and Pearl time. Oli's not even here.

Pearl struggles to bridge the communication gap between Oli and Gem, which would never happen anyway because they're both being difficult on purpose. They also try claiming Pearl's exclusive loyalty and while she doesn't officially side with anyone, she definitely teases Oli a lot more than she does Gem. CC's in general looove competing for Pearl to get back at Gem — since Gem takes pride in having (and defining) unique significant relationships. With good reason: Pearl likes feeling special too!

(59:56) Gem: Oli, your first word should be Pearl, I think. It's a good first word... Pearl: Did you hear that Oli— Oli (only Pearl can hear him): That's a dumb wooord~ Pearl: Did you just say Pearl was a dumb word?! >:( Gem: No! I said it's a good first-did he say it's dumb? Pearl: Yeah Oli said that— Gem (aghast): Oli said it was dumb-?! Oli doesn't deserve you. I can't believe you give Oli your time of day. Pearl: I am feeling very insulted right now. Oli (to chat): How can I figure out a way to trap her...

Gem gets defensive on Pearl's behalf while Oli stirs the pot. She properly commits to being Pearl's hypeman (suggesting 'Pearl' as a word) while Oli jumps around trying to sensationalize everything — loyal to the bit more than winning. This taunts Shinyduo into more “flow of consciousness” dialogue which is very entertaining for two ppl who usually wait and listen before speaking. Life Series is handled delicately by all involved (ex: nobody confirming another season even though Grian confirmed it at the end of his simL ep) but if anyone can get shinyduo unfiltered, its Oli.

(1:01:25) Gem (finishing describing the duck pics overreaction): Yeah but it's just spring! It's just spring! There's just ducks right now. Oli: And people don't get that! That's the thing about Tumblr, who I'm blaming today. Pearl: Oh my gosh... It's okay, let them crash out, it's fine. Okay Oli you ready (to start Pearldle)? Oli: That's showbiz baby. Yeah I know which letters I wanna start with...

While Gem goes quiet for a very long moment, let's review her motivations. Invited here by Oli to compete for Pearl's approval/attention, for her friendship management and "crashout" honor, on top of all three constantly joking about the Life Series "leaks" (specifically invoking Tumblr by the way <3), frustrated with fandom pressure, and ready to tease/punish all involved.

The Good Stuff

(1:01:54) Gem: So when Duck Life comes out, are w-we're teaming together, yeah? Pearl: Sure! I'm fine with that. Oli (background): Yeah, yeah we are Gem. No, not you guys! Nonononono... Pearl: Ooh, Oli's now saying it's— Gem (not hearing him): It's too bad it's not real. Too bad there's no ducks. Oli (still background): Well I'm in Duck Life that's the thing—

Thinking it through, Gem waits riiiight until Pearl starts the Pearldle timer to drop this, drawing all the attention from Oli's game time while trying to catch Pearl distracted. (Also, notice Gem's shift from "are we" to "we will be.") Oli leans into the "he's definitely in next season" bit to run interference, but he'll need more than that to defeat Gem's trump card. Pearl smoothly agrees (used to Gem's machinations) up until her lovely murder camel duo is threatened.

(1:02:06) Pearl: Wait you're saying it's not possible now then? You're gonna-you're gonna make me sad. Gem: Yeah, well... Pearl: we can team together in Duck Life, but we can't team together in whatever... Grian Life is.

Gem immediately reassures Pearl that they can totally team (she's not the problem), but just not when it's serious. Dangerous to give Pearl arbitrary rules because she takes them super seriously; like the WL 1v1 on red only, and its extension into HC. Oli's still in the background btw, just completely ignored.

(1:02:16) Pearl (distressed): Why not?! Gem: Because-it's, yknow, the forces are too strong. Pearl: What, you mean the divorce papers? Gem: Yeah, we'd kill the entire server. It's not fair. Pearl: —It's broken :(

Interesting split here where Pearl considers their separation from forces outside their control (broken game balance, arguably from other players playing too passive) and Gem feels its moreso making a grand personal sacrifice (they're the ones that are too strong.) Ongoing Traffic!Gem theme of using/accepting she'll never get what she wants due to other players, and Traffic!Pearl always running out of time/control from the system mechanics themselves (see: DL, WL)

(1:02:30) Pearl: Yeah, well-I dunno-I mean I'm still pretty pathetic, and uh, in the joke series... Gem (talking over her): That's a horrible first word Oli! Why?? Oli (crashing out): It's a good first word! It's a good first word! Pearl: I dunno-is it? We'll see what comes back... [they go back to Pearldle]

Pearl tries really hard to change Gem's mind: bringing up her intentional weaponized passivity (simL), while also playing into Gem's vocabulary/narrative (pathetic) in hopes it'll reach her. After all, Pearl's only traffic want she'll fight for these days is staying with Gem. Unfortunately, Gem rushes for a distraction, giving the audience whiplash and herself some breathing room, leaving Pearl trailing behind, unreplied, in despair. Oli does his job well, filling the space while they think, in the process emphasizing their distance.

(1:02:55) Oli: <ranting about his bad Pearldle guess that Gem's bullying him over> Pearl: Oli's crashing out but, it's fine. Gem's just living in bliss over here. Gem: I can't hear him and it's great. —So, Pearl, I think that we can't team up because we're still on our divorce arc, so we need to finish that narrative. And then it's gonna be a really satisfying ending for us at some point when we finally, yknow, team up and stuff. Pearl (quietly): I'm so overstimulated... Gem: That doesn't-ignore Oli. Block him out. Block him out. Block it-it's not about him. Oli: Pearl, hey-Pearl, why don't you just go onto your voice chat settings— [and mute Gem]

But soon enough Gem wants Pearl's attention back and uses her ultimate move again. Obviously Pearl and Gem seriously discuss their plotline out of stream, so she's only bringing it up here for the audience. Once Pearl expresses discomfort, however, both Oli and Gem focus on her again — and after this segment chill out and go back to Peardle.

For what she's actually saying: Gem's lowkey arguing fandom (Trafficblr) talking points about catharsis. (Arguably, "too powerful team up" is also fandom, but the evil power scaling side that ignores roleplay. Gem usually tries to filter that out.) Most importantly, she's setting vague goalposts/criteria for teaming up: a satisfying conclusion to their divorce.

Pearl's Proper Response

After ^^ there's a long (~10 minute) gap while all three play Peardle and generally banter without mentioning Traffic at all. It's not until Oli has silent thinking time — uninterrupted by Gem for the sake of getting anything done — that Pearl brings it back up.

(1:11:28) Pearl: So Gem about-about the-that-t-the divorce arc. How are—how are we ending that? Cause yknow—it would be good to team with you, in Bird Life. So we need to figure out how to end that. Oli (blunt): I think you never speak again, it's better for all of us. Pearl (sharp): Excuse me Oli? Oli: Sorry I'm—I'm just giving my input. Pearl: You just think of your word.

Looks like what Pearl retained was ending the divorce arc by any means necessary. Just as WL "1v1" motivated her pathetic attempts, Pearl's trying her best to meet Gem's demands. Earlier, Gem said they could team in Bird Life, but here Pearl claims she only wants to end divorce for Bird Life. She uses 'Bird Life' bit to tease and/or express insecurity about their real ending. Oli offers the bad ending (no more shinyduo) and Pearl immediately shuts it down. I think Gem's won this round.

Pretty soon after that, Oli loses Pearldle, and the traffic thing is fully dropped. Gem doesn't even react to Oli losing until several seconds later, so it's possible she was afk/not listening. Although, "long and loud silence" is a Geminitay skill she applies to shut down dialogue. She logs out of HC (assuming Pearldle is over, perhaps) leaving Oli and Pearl to reflect on what happened.

(1:14:17) Pearl: <finishing explaining the auditory hell she was in> Oli: That was a lot. I agree. And I didn't ask for that for you — that's the thing. I didn't want that for you. How could I want that for you! I just wanted you to have a good time. Pearl: We didn't even get to—get a resolution for Bird Life or anything, dude! Oli: Tah, not—well not now. Well not now. I'm speaking to the people high up. Pearl: —It's official. Oli (continued): Gem's gone, I'm in! I'm gonna meet with the owner.

Both Oli and Pearl are disappointed in the bit being cut short. Pretty cute that Oli offers to replace Gem — however snarkily. The competition is never over. Gem relogs once Oli and Pearl plan to restart, and that's the end! Essentially, while they delight in teasing the audience, Pearl is genuinely chasing a team up with Gem, who’s witholding it for a satisfying ending. So, they both plan on ending divorce, just figuring out how.

Bonus Thoughts: Pearl Shutting Down Lingering Propaganda

Later in stream (~2:45:30), Pearl talks about misinterpreting and falling for Gem's propaganda. She directly addresses SL and the "Pearl betrayed Gem" fallacy: Pearl always saw Scar as an ally and “(SL) was constantly about how we [shinyduo] weren’t teamed up!” The rant triggered by a chat member claiming "it's better for shinyduo to never team up because they’re better as enemies,” Pearl reiterates that she doesn’t want to be enemies all the time. And I agree, especially with Gem advocating that a cathartic end to the divorce would enable incredibly satisfying shinyduo team up in the future.

[therabbitthatpostthings]

TLDR: Eddie's self-consciousness about his place in the neighbourhood and lack of identity cause him to momentarily panic which lead to him seeing beyond the reality of the neighbourhood and becoming somewhat self-aware that his world isn't "real".

This is gonna be rambly btw..

So about Eddie,

Eddie rather became self-conscious of himself or self-aware.

We see from the commercials that Eddie doesn't know how to deal with himself. He is constantly look to help someone or do his job. Eddie is also one of the few characters that has no known origin. Eddie is described as absent-minded and forgetting where he is from, it a running joke. Eddie is the only other neighbour that doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the wacky cast. This update was clearly meant for Eddie. It's him on the cereal box puzzle that sends us to the website that shows us him struggle. This has lead me to come to the possibility that Eddie has self-identity besides being the mailman (What a conclusion I know...).

I'm not going to argue on who became self-aware first just because there is no clear cut evidence on just how Welcome Home crew/Marlo/and other associates were able to get this footage or manipulate these scenes. This is all going on the fact that Sally spoke of monsters in the woods walking around the neighbourhood while they all sleep. Julie never refuted this so she at least knows it's not her family. And the neighbours can clearly interact with the narrator in the Storybook Records. There is a clear disconnect on if the Neighbourhood is REAL, I'm not gonna get deep in that subject but it's confusing at least for me.

Besides Eddie, Frank is the other neighbour with no other known point of organ. Everyone else has a family member or home noted except for Frank and Eddie. Unlike Eddie, Frank fits into the stuck-up nerd archetype of wacky and zany characters you would see on a kids show. Eddie's Post Office is also the only one not decorated for Homewarming. So once Eddie sits down at the Homeswarming Party and the Narrator says he is happy is when I think Eddie starts to think about how happy he is. He really starts to think about it. My theory is that Eddie, hearing what the narrator is saying, really starts to think about if he is happy and that leads him into a spiral of just who he is. And for a moment he starts to see everything for what it is, the cartoon reality breaks and he sees the world in puppet form (the version of the neighbours we see). Frank coming over to talk to him is what solidifies this for me. He calls him "Eddie." Frank breaks the "script" and if the Frank Bug Theory is true, Frank should already be partly aware at this point (again not gonna get into it but I do believe if not Frank, Barnaby was the first to notice). Eddie says "I should go home." really quietly before Narrator takes over at that point. The transcript makes it a point to mention the panic and strain in his voice while images of Home pop up. Home knows and whoever controls Home (if something does) is also aware of it and ends the broadcast.

It makes the most sense to me that the odd ones out, Frank and Eddie, would be the ones to notice something is off but unlike Frank who seems to be (hypothetically) holding it together, this reality break absolutely destroyed Eddie. Now the question is, what will they do with Eddie?

Edits: you can hear Eddie speak, I just couldn’t 🤷🏾‍♀️

[royalarchivist]

[A sad violin song plays over an image of a sad hamster]

Pac: This doesn't have anything to do with me – I wear a blue sweatshirt, you're crazy, this mouse doesn't even have a sweatshirt, this hamster! [Reading chat] Am I a depressed hamster?

[ Transcript continued ↓ ]*

–

Pac: Actually– that's fine! I embrace that idea – of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy? [He hits his desk, then starts counting off people on his fingers] Fit is gone, Richarlyson is gone, Ramon is gone, Bagi and Empanada who were always there when we were there are also gone, I haven't seen them! It's just me and Tubbo, and sometimes Philza shows up.

Pac: I lost Chume Labs, I lost the Favela, I lost Murder Mystery, I lost Ilha Chume Labs, it's crazy! Look at how much I've lost, and I've gained nothing! Of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy?! How am I supposed to be happy?!

Pac: [Reading chat] "You have us Pac," that's true, thank you. No, that's true, sorry.

* NOTE: Please note that this is an incomplete transcript, as I was primarily relying on Aypierre's translation mod at the time and if I am not confident of the translation, I do not include it. As always, please feel free to add on translations or message me corrections.

[malevolentconfessions]

I think when people are characterizing John and Oscar post-canon they should consider the way that, after working through his issues in the farm and going back for Oscar at the end of the episode, John was gentle towards him. A transcript quote:

JOHN: But I’m impressed. (Arthur laughs fondly.) He’s a fighter.

He laughs affectionately with Arthur in relief while they're walking down the stairs, and is frantic to ensure that the both of them are okay as they leave the house. That's not the behavior of someone who doesn't care, or still holds resentment.

Also worth noting that since Oscar had his left arm chopped off, he would've been wrapping his right arm around Arthur's shoulders to lean on him. This means that the Arthur's left hand--aka John's hand--would have been the one holding him up.

Earlier in the arc too, before the jealousy set in, John found Oscar to be strong, loyal and genuine. The ONLY reason John hates Oscar is because of his jealousy.

John would not be cruel towards him--awkward, maybe, but not cruel. He LIKES Oscar and Arthur's care for Oscar helps too. His own anger got in the way, that's all. Most of it seemed to be projected shame, too--John just got back from the Dark World and he's keeping his deal secret. Oscar is everything John believes himself NOT to be at that point in time--soft, considerate, strong, loyal, a good person. John's hatred for Oscar stems from projected insecurity and fear.

TLDR: John would not hate Oscar or be hostile to him post-canon, in reality he'd probably like him a lot.

Here's how my John/Oscar shipping agenda can still win-

[cripplecharacters]

Hello! I'm planning to draw/write a character who, due to an accident, got quite a bit of scarring on her face and lost an eye. Would they need a prosthetic eye? While searching, everything I found included a step of "And then you'll get fitted for your prosthetic eye", making it sound as if everyone who loses an eye needs to have one, but what would happen if someone didn't? Additionally, would there be a difference between never wearing one and wearing one at first, then stopping?

Hey, thank you for your ask!

Generally it's considered beneficial to have something replace the eye because without it the eyelids will droop and the socket will shrink. It also (more importantly) protects the tissue that's left from things that could potentially get inside, which could cause infection. As far as I was able to research, the former is mostly aesthetic (in adults/people who finished growing, which I'm assuming your character is) but the latter is very important.

However; it doesn't necessarily need to be a prosthetic ("glass") eye - they're the most common option, but eye patches and conformers all protect the socket from debris and stuff just fine (in fact any kind of sealed eyewear probably would). Prosthetics and conformers are medically roughly the same while eye patches do nothing to help the socket or eyelids keep their original shape. (I made a very long post about eye patches but TLDR, I think they're too often associated with frustrating stereotypes and tropes.)

Prosthetic eyes are unfortunately extremely expensive and need professional regular care that a lot of people can't afford, so not everyone can use them. Conformers (basically big, transparent contacts) are an alternative that some people might choose. You can't really see them when they're inside the socket. Here is a very interesting video about conformers and prosthetics by Clay Butler. I wrote a video description and transcript here because the original doesn't have them. It explains a lot of things in a very comprehensible way from a first-person perspective. If you want something that makes sense other than a prosthetic this could be a great thing to consider.

If someone doesn't have anything to protect their socket, they risk infection and all the problems associated with it. So you technically could go fully bare, but it's less than ideal. I've also heard that the sensation of eyelid going over the eye socket is uncomfortable (because it's so bumpy) but I assume it depends on the person.

I believe that the difference between never wearing any protection and wearing-then-stopping would just be how fast the things I mentioned in the second paragraph would set in. So if your character recently stopped wearing a prosthetic or conformer, their general eye area would probably look more "normal" than if they never wore it at all.

Here's also the facial difference post that I always link for people making characters with facial scars, which might be helpful to you.

I hope this helps,

mod Sasza

[dtupdating]

DREAM replied to another Reddit post!

Transcript under the cut!

Ludwig slightly misremembered, and didn't explain in a super fair way imo it makes me sound way worse than what actually happened

tldr;

I dmd ludwig suggesting he make a video, and offering myself for questions

ludwig replied and eventually said that I jokingly called one of his friends a whore

Due to the fact that a friend of Nicolas Cantu's had recently falsely said that "I got slapped at a party for calling a girl a whore", I asked him if that's what it was about.

He said no, and that he can't tell me more information because he doesn't think it's worth resurfacing it for her sake

I replied with a message about that, and then said I'd also provide context to the other situation just in case he was just telling me it's not about that situation (to "protect" the person's identity) even though it was, because I had no idea about any other situation.

Here's the important parts of that message that I sent him:

oh well unfortunately I guess I can't talk about this because I don't know what you're talking about at all, but I will say this as a general statement; A lot of people spread false stuff about me, or exaggerate, and have done it a lot ESPECIALLY during all of this stuff going on, as it's easy to sensationalize things because of how "hated" I seem. Intentionally, OR unintentionally. I have had to clear up so many different false stories of me being weird, or just a total shit bag, because the rumor mill runs super fucking strong when you're getting shit on 24/7. And every time it's just "oh okay that makes sense". It's not always someone lying, but it's almost always someone not realizing that exaggerating and mischaracterizing what they're saying can be a big deal, and isn't something they should do. I have never randomly called someone a whore, I have never called someone a whore derogatorily, and I would never do that.

I will completely and fully say that I have called friends of mine jokingly whore's / sluts / whatever, GUYS ANDS GIRLS, but only with people that joke along with it, or have expressly said they don't care, and again, only with friends of mine. This situation has been a lesson to just never say it at all though, because it's being used to make me out as a bad person. I would never use it that way, never ever meant anything negative when I've ever said it, and never have used it to insult or demean anyone, in any way.

I don't know the situation you're talking about, and obviously it's seemingly a bad look to have "multiple instances" where I called a girl a whore lmao, but I just cannot fathom that I called a stranger a whore, even jokingly, regardless of whether I was drunk or not. If I actually did, I would absolutely want to apologize and clear up anything that I possibly can with them, because it's upsetting to know that I made anyone upset or made them feel badly. I would like to say though, that it's not unreasonable to think that it is a misrepresentation of what actually happened, or is being looked at through a negative tint given recent events, when if this wasn't all going on, it would've been viewed as "oh that's obviously a joke". Given the fact that I have been a bit of a punching bag for a bit online, and you never know what motivations people have to spread things. Idk when this would've been as well, because like I said, the Nicolas stuff was pretty eye opening in a lot of ways, including specifically how people feel about those words in general. Which I never really thought about, and again, I've always been extremely careful and delicate with how I interact with anyone I've just met.

I NEVER would demean or speak down on someone like that. If that did actually happen, it was naivety on my part and not malice, and it's a word I'm removing from my vocabulary, and I hope I get a chance to apologize to them. But again, I have no idea what you're specifically talking about, so I probably won't get a chance, or even confirmation that it happened.

Either way, I understand why he didn't reply (I sent walls of text) and don't fault him for it. Although, the way this was said is annoying!

[mantisgodsdomain]

Yeah, no, we're going to say a solid NO on this one, the fact that she's not a kid is, like... stated in dialogue within the first five minutes of the game (in the conversation that involved, we will note, she is also getting a job. where they don't hire children. she is employed at the explorer's association. she was previously employed at the honey factory.)

She's short. It is a running gag that she's short and cute and gets mistaken for a kid, but that doesn't necessarily make her a kid, and to be honest it feels very weird to call her a child when half of her personal hangups are dedicated to breaking away from being viewed as such.

We wish to note - the main source, in-game, for calling her a child, would be her sister, who uses it as an insult and means of implying her immaturity. The only person calling her a child in-game who isn't immediately corrected is her older sister, who calls her a child as means to discredit her and talk down to her, from a character who as directly stated from Vi herself is prone to insulting her and talking down about her chosen career.

Although we know why people would vote "yes", our personal opinion aligns firmly to "no, this isn't a child, this is a woman who canonically commits tax fraud and we really don't think that a discord message saying she's 17 from 2019 should be taken as gospel especially when it's being used to reinforce a point that, in-game, is specifically used to imply that she is being unreasonable because she's a "greedy, selfish child" and should not have time wasted on her".

PRELIMINARY #4

So I've been seeing mixed opinions in the notes about Vi's canon age vs how her game treats her so here we are.

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

03/04-08/2025 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Vico Ortiz/OFMD Craft Fair Flash Sale!; David Jenkins; Rhys Darby; Taika Waititi; Con O'Neill; Samba Schutte; Vico Ortiz; Kristian Nairn; Anapela Polata'ivao; Rachel House; Tim Heidecker; Damien Gerard; Dominic Burgess; OFMD Craft Fair Follow Up; Save Our Queer Stories; Articles; You Only Frame Twice; Fan Spotlight; Love Notes;

= Vico Ortiz /OFMD Craft Fair =

Looks like there's ONE MORE Auction available from the OFMD Craft Fair. Check out these awesome items provided by Vico! They end March 9th, 5PM EDT! Check them out here!

Source: OFMD Craft Fair Final Auction

= David Jenkins =

Our Pirate/Chaos Dad has once again triggered some clowning by posting pictures of the Revenge with the text "How it started"

Source: David Jenkins IG

= Rhy Darby =

Rhys posted a short sketch from one of his recent shows!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Rhys Darby (@rhysiedarby)

Source: Rhys Darby's IG

He also posted some tour BTS on his Paid Substack Video!

Source: Rhys Paid Substack

= Taika Waititi =

Taika recently posted a lot of his most recent directoral works on Instagram! Here's two I don't think I've shared before from other sources! You can check out the rest of the items he posted on his IG!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Taika Waititi (@taikawaititi)

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Taika Waititi (@taikawaititi)

Source: Taika's IG

= Con O'Neill =

The anonymous winner of the Con O'Neill recording was absolutely amazing and shared the donation with the fandom! You can listen to the recording below. Thank you Anonymous Crewmate <3

Voice Source: veeagainsttheday's Bsky

Transcript Source: @blakbonnet's Tumblr / Roxirondell's Bsky

Speaking of Con, he posted a silly picture of him and Cooper <3

Source: Con's IG

= Samba Schutte =

Samba was out at the beach with his little one!

Source: Samba's IG

= Vico Ortiz =

Our darling Vico has been keeping us full of Madeleine Sami BTS lately! Two new ones are up on their Paid Patreon! OFMD BTS 1 OFMD BTS 2

Source: Vico's Paid Patreon

= Kristian Nairn =

Kristian posted a quick update! He's been out for conventions in London & Aberdeen recently and he's got some updates regarding Spektrum as well!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Kristian Nairn (@kristiannairn)

Source: Kristian's IG

= Anapela Polata'ivao =

More interviews with Anapela for the Tinā film!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by @tinathefilm

Source: Tinā The Film IG

= Rachel House =

Rachel back in Aotearoa and out with Whanau!

Source: Rachel's IG

= Tim Heidecker =

Our Doug, Tim Heidecker has a new episode of Office Hours Live up on Youtube!

= Damien Gerard =

Father Teach, aka Damien Gerard, is blessing us with more kitty pics!

Source: Damien's Bsky

= Dominic Burgess =

You know who else loves to bless us with cat content? Our dear Jeffrey Fettering, Dominic Burgess!

Source: Dominic's Bsky

Dominic posted some pictures from his trip to Transformers Con this weekend!

Source: Dominics Bsky

== OFMD Craft Fair Follow Up ==

Hey crew! Looks like the folks who ran the Craft Fair could use some help with putting together the rest of the cost of shipping for all the winners. If you have a few dollars to spare, they'd love your help meeting that need! https://ko-fi.com/ghostalservice

Source: Momebie's Bsky

== Save Our Queer Stories ==

The folks over at @savequeerstories shared more information about @adoptourcrew and how to help support OFMD! Thanks for keeping us on your radar friends!

Source: SaveQueerStories Bsky

== Articles ==

Fabulous news! Pink News featured the fandoms Craft Fair! At the time it was posted only $85K had been raised, but it's already over $100K now!! So many trans kids are going to get the help they need because of you crew! Article Here

Source: Pink News IG

== You Only Frame Twice ==

There's a new Fan-Frames project going on! This time folks are looking for people to help with a fan-made animatic project to illustrate David's OFMD Christmas/Valentine's Special! Interested in joining them? Check out their bsky for more info! You can also sign up here!

Source: You Only Fram Twice Bluesky

== Fan Spotlight ==

= Mossgroves =

The first up on the Fan Spotlight for the OFMD Craft fair is the absolute legend @mossgroves! She was so incredibly kind to donate this amazing Painting of our boys! If you aren't familiar with Moss's work, please take a moment to check out her incredible art here on their linktr.ee! Her work is one of the first fanarts I'd seen in this fandom and it really blew me away and peaked my interest in OFMD!

= Jillian S =

Another one of our dear crewmates, @jilliansauers makes beautiful ornaments and necklaces (I have one of her Messages In A Bottle and it's awesome!!) She donated these two wonderful pieces to the Craft Fair! Also in case you didn't know-- Jillian also does such amazing things for this fandom day to day (she helps keep track of the donations we've made as a fandom, reaches out to everyone and sends love, is always keeping an eye out for new cast members on the various platforms, and so much more)-- she's a treasure! You can find Jillian over on Bluesky!

== Love Notes ==

Hey lovelies. I know this week has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster! The 3 year anniversary of OFMD was on 03/03 and then the 1 year anniversary of David telling us 'officially' there was no renewal was on 03/07. I remember that day really well. I remember crying at my desk for hours while I tried to work. I remember streaming OFMD with several crewmates trying to find some assemblance of calm. It's hard to believe it's been a whole year. The renewal campaign efforts were so intense those first few months, and then David's message hit us all like a ton of bricks. But you know what? You all still kept showing up. Whether it was for renewal efforts, menacing WB execs, supporting your fellow crew financially or emotionally, raising money for marginalized groups, for cast & crew in their continued endeavors--- you kept showing up. That's what community is. We show up for each other. I know the craft fair has been a big topic for several weeks now, and I'm loving every ounce of it because look at what it's done. Over $100,000 for trans youth, our sibs that are currently being targeted by so many people in the US and across the world. I know we can't afford to spend that much money all the time, but it's so incredibly inspiring what you all can do when you band together. Please never forget the power you have, individually, but especially as a crew, as a community. We rally together so well because this crew is kind and loving and even when we have our inter-fandom squabbles, we still come together when things are most important and make magic happen. I hope you know how proud we all are of you lovelies. I hope you all are proud of yourselves for the immense impact you made on so many lives, just by being kind.

Rest well, remember to hydrate, and take some time for you.

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A post shared by bailey (@anxiety.positive)

Source: Anxiety Positive Instagram