#to disclose the stuff that's been hidden between them

[swampstew]

The time Raven almost became a statistic

Ok starting off to say that I am home and safe. Currently boiling myself in a bath to sluice the grime off from the last few days because What. The. Fuck. A rollercoaster of bullshit. I'm legit concerned a curse was placed on me but the egg test said that's not it. The Vibes are WACK.

Story of how I'm pretty positive I was going to be robbed and/or worse - details below the cut. Trigger warnings for: drug use, dangerous situation, cop involvement, nothing HAPPENED to me but it sounded like it was being actively planned out right in front of my door in the middle of the night.

For reasons I won't disclose, I had booked a motel for a few days to clear my head (first mistake), and while it wasn’t the nicest, I was willing to overlook the gross things in order for peace and quiet. That lasted 14 hours.

Between 12-5 am, I was up late writing my OC fic and people kept walking by and standing around outside my door, not at all trying to quiet their voices so I could hear pretty much everything, and I was hearing really alarming shit that sounded like my door had been watched all night to see if anyone came out or when the light over my window would go out, money issues and just shady shit. During a short period where it got really quiet, I noticed that the front door had an unusual hole in it that gave a direct view of my room. I didn't dare go outside to check the other side, but from my view, it looked like a peep hole that could be uncovered from the outside. Que covering the hole with heavy objects and stacking the door shut.

The people outside kept coming in waves where they would just talk really fucking loudly and then it would quiet down, I tried to play it off as people in the pool area. Until. I frequently heard people say that [someone] should already be sleeping, arguing about the room overhead light being on (I had pushed the curtains down so any gaps into the room where hidden, only one I couldn’t get was the gap up top that showed a quarter of the ceiling which is right next to the overhead light), what sounded like them trying to hype themselves up to do something, and then the last thing I heard was someone trying to convince everyone that the light was left on and that they should just do it. I called the cops. I told them not to knock on my door or talk to me unless they felt like my life was in danger.

Cops knocked on my door.

They had dispersed a crowd from the parking lot right in front of my door. Lot of people with known drug issues lived there and had a habit of disturbing people at the motel while tripping. Told me the area was not safe, that most people had scattered when they showed up but that there were people still lurking around. During that, someone from upstairs tried to come down and look into my room through the open door and I quickly shut it and the cops forcibly moved them back upstairs. They said they’d stay for a few minutes to clear out the rest of the stragglers but if I kept my door double latched, I should be fine. Y’all I fucking barricaded that door through the use of physics and home alone trappery.

Called my bf to stay with me cause I felt so unsafe. He raced over, stayed on the phone with me the whole time while I barricaded the door again and packed my shit because he was not having it. He threw my stuff in his car, escorted me to my car and stayed until I locked the door and put it in reverse, then had me wait for him to drive his car so I could follow him.

We get home and he told me that when he got to the motel, there were very few people there, cops had already left at that point BUT - two guys were in a Uhaul across from my room that left as soon as he got there (that Uhaul was not there when I checked in that afternoon), and that the few people hanging around outside were all standing in areas with direct vantage points of my room.

It's not even been a full 24 hours and I'm still shaking like a chihuahua but I am safe. Ordered a stun gun and self defense classes. People fucking suck.

I've accepted I'll probably post the fic tomorrow or super late tonight but its fucking crazy that if I had not been up writing a tense, fight scene and gone to bed, I could have been hurt or worse. One Piece continuing to save lives, praise be!

[cpirits]

(( BOTANICAL HC PROMPTS -- @kurogane-redfox said: [ Acanthus, Amaryllis, Anemone, Angelica, Basil, Holly, Magnolia & Mint for Damien ]

acanthus : is your muse deceptive, or willing to lie or deceive to achieve certain means ? why or why not ?

• Damien doesn't lie, he finds it a disgusting habit. Though he seldom talks with people, he tends to be blunt, or not explain something entirely, but that never means to lie or deceive someone. He thinks lying taints a person's soul, and they can never undo that taint, it sticks with you when you die and your soul becomes a wandering spirit.

amaryllis : what is something or someone that your muse takes pride in ? how do they express that pride ?

• He did pride himself on the four years he and Karlia were married. He showed and told her he loved her on a daily if not hourly basis. Massages, flower crowns, giving her nuts and berries she could cook with, just reveling in the forest as day turned to night, sleeping in each other's arms.

anemone : how does your muse view the world; as a cruel & unforgiving place, a land full of wonders, or something in-between ? where does that world view come from ( what experiences, life lessons, etc . ) ?

• Damien feels the world is a lot of things; wondrous because of all the life she [the Earth] has, unforgiving due to the exile of his person from his clan/coven after his tragedy, and other views he is still figuring out.

angelica : where does your muse draw inspiration in life ? what motivates them ?

• He used to draw from his wife, Karlia, and now he draws energy and inspiration from the world, from nature. He's motivated by the fact that he's still alive, and still searches for answers concerning his wife's death.

basil :   does your muse have a love - hate relationship with anyone or anything ?

• His clan/coven. They had been his support when he grew up, his family in times of trial, and his enemies in his greatest time of need.

holly :   how strong is your muse’s sense of intuition ? are they aware of it ? do they ever fear that it is only paranoia ?

• He's got a pretty good sense of intuition, mostly due to his SHADOW magic affinity ( he can tell how people feel by looking at their shadow, it gives of specific energy waves that he picks up on but doesn't fully disclose to people because he keeps his magic hidden for fear of being persecuted.

magnolia :   describe your muse’s relationship with nature   &   the natural world .

• Nature is everything for Damien. Even when he was with his coven, before he met his wife he could be fund climbing trees, helping bugs out of danger, and even eating any edible plants and stuff he had read about in books.

mint :   does your muse view themselves as virtuous & moral ?what do these words mean to them ?

• He feels those are character traits that are earned, and no, he doesn't think himself either, though he is a very forthright person, and actually has morals.

[hivemindscape]

i hate to say it, your lowest point was so much like mine

i thought you wouldn't understand turns out you're the only one who can

[ghooostbaby]

deeeep dive into why and how wei wuxian and lan wangji love each other, complete each other, are the inverse reflection of each other’s deeply hidden internal selves mirrored through the other’s external self, lan wangji’s inner wildness that he has to conceal and protect recognizing and loving wei wuxian’s outer wildness, wei wuxian’s deep, fuddy-duddy morality and values that he conceals with an elaborate subterfuge of jokes, mischief, and bravado, seeing and loving in lan wangji the ability to say no that it was never safe for him to express directly, “between you and me there is no need for thank you and sorry”

oh and a slight diversion midway through into a manifesto on WEI WUXIAN IS NOT INSECURE the whole story is about a society where being liked is ESSENTIAL for survival and it is actually completely perilous not to be liked, and his “people pleasing” is a skill and tool for his survival especially as an orphan and proven to be a necessary one when he stops doing it and STOPS SURVIVING

after the cut discussing the very interesting dynamics of consent in general in the novel, but not going into the consensual non-consent kink stuff till the last paragraph if you need to avoid for any reason.

I've been thinking about how Lan WangJi sees in Wei WuXian the exterior, unfettered expression of the wildness Lan WangJi holds in him and protects with rigid codes of conduct, propriety and outward dignity.

I have had this sense that these two are mirrors, either one reflecting the hidden, interior (and unallowed) self of the other. but it seemed more clear from Lan WangJi's side, especially knowing about his history with his mother and the spicy side that emerges when he drinks and in the extras.

I also - just... the way this whole story shows how romantic love is truly this longing for your self, to become yourself, to become the thing you're not allowed to be, seeing in that person the expression of whatever it is you can't become and longing for it, protecting it, joining with it as closely as you can without ever being able to let it live inside your own body.

On the surface it seems a lot more difficult for Wei WuXian to find a piece of his soul in Lan Wangji. I think its a bit too simplistic to see whatever draws Wei WuXian to Lan Wangji as a reverse-psychology sort of craving of acceptance from the only one who won't give it, pushing and pushing against this impenetrable boundary that he needs to break to feel assurance that no matter what he can make anyone accept him.

And he is SO drawn - in a mind boggling way, in the teenage flashbacks Lan WangJi rudely and aggressively throws him off over and over and Wei WuXian cannot keep away! Even when he talks about how boring Lan WangJi is, he never stops trying to be around him and talk to him.

I've seen discussions of the way Wei WuXian has always relied on the goodwill of others to survive, and that his placating of others to survive is a character flaw. Although that seems only halfway true. 

As a young child he didn't have anyone's goodwill for a while and he survived, and it seems like he can always find a way to survive from whatever means and sometimes very limited resources he has at his disposal. Doing what he has to do to become powerful enough to survive losing his core and being thrown into the burial mounds slowly costs him the goodwill of everyone around him - and what happens to him as a result shows how much placation was a truly necessary for someone without the protection of biological/hereditary family bonds.

(Don’t get me started on how his loss of his golden core and his development of demonic cultivation to give himself power by ‘unnatural methods’ through the use of a musical instrument is a metaphor for disability and the way ableist society sees the use of accessibility devices and tools. Actually please DO get my started haha.)

Wei WuXian is so charismatic and seems very used to getting what he wants and needs on the strength of that. He pushes a lot of boundaries and seems pretty confident and flexibly prepared to handle the consequences, whether beatings or harsh words. But he does work so hard to make others feel good, good with him, good with themselves.

When he is in the cave with Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian is described as "like one who forgets all past pain as soon as the wound heals". He can't resist coming up beside Lan WangJi and talking to him again and again after every time Lan WangJi pushes him off, only finally staying away when Lan WangJi bites him (and he still keeps trying to talk to him after a little bit!) and then calls him an awful person (!!! Bad Wangji! :(((( ). In the end, when Lan WangJi (very minimally) discloses what happened to his sect and his father, and even cries, because of all the defences/assaults Lan WangJi has put up Wei WuXian can't do anything or say anything to help and feels miserable.

Lan WangJi just absolutely refuses to allow Wei WuXian to take care of him - and I began to wonder maybe that’s what Wei WuXian actually really likes about him? Why he is unable to resist coming up to Lan WangJi again and again? Maybe because Lan WangJi refuses to let Wei WuXian appease him. He’s not trying to crack Lan WangJi to get to this impenetrable place of approval and acceptance. In a way he can’t quite understand, Lan WangJi is a respite for Wei WuXian from the constant work to be the one who pleases.

And  how different this is to how Wei WuXian is (or has to be) with Jiang Cheng when he wakes up in Lotus Pier after the cave. Jiang Cheng gets so down and really really needs Wei WuXian to do what he does so well (and wasn’t allowed to do with Lan WangJi) - chasing Jiang Cheng down while being injured and reassuring him about all his insecurities about his father's acceptance and becoming a sect leader and Wei WuXian's own abilities excelling his - and at first Jiang Cheng is pushing him away, but he really does need Wei WuXian to do all this to feel better.

Wei WuXian is described as not wanting to be lonely, and not wanting to see other people unhappy, and he keeps trying to push and pull with whatever he has to not be lonely and lift the mood for those around him. I don't think it's a kind of codependency or insecurity. It’s not that Wei WuXian is afraid to say no, in fact I would say he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do, but he must always do it creatively, with humour. Similarly to Nie Huaisang, he uses a persona of foolishness to give himself a covert agency.

I also think I'm writing this because I don't like seeing this discussed as a sad bean character flaw for him to always need to be liked - its a strategy, its a tool, its how he survives and excels. Doesn’t the whole story prove how essential being liked is to a human’s survival? And he is so so good at being liked, in making others happy, even when he is refusing to do what others want from him that he doesn't want to do, he does it in a way that deflects criticism, with a smiling bravado that never says what it truly means and has people writing him off as shameless or foolish or just endearing himself toward them despite themselves.

He is always at work really, with jokes and flattery or mischief and teasing, to get the resources he wants and needs. Case and point, when he makes a big coquettish show for mianmian, definitely not being "people pleasing" for her, but the group of girls around them all find it funny and cute and in the end she gives him a perfume sachet which ends up being a valuable resource for later. Or the time he outright tells Jiang Cheng that if you give the girls some lotus seeds they'll remember you and return the favour in the future. (Also notice how his interactions with girls seen as flirtatious are actually strategic resource-gathering acts.) These are the skills he has developed to meet his own needs. (THIS IS NOT A CHARACTER FLAW. I REPEAT.) He takes what he needs and steals from the Lotus Pier markets knowing it'll be paid for, he lives like he never know when his next windfall will come from so he'll take what he can when he can find it. Like Jiang Fengmian said, if there is no guarantee of a meal in the future then today's meal should still be enjoyed. It’s how Wei WuXian said to Nie Huaisang at Cloud Recesses, you have to find ways to make your own fun out of whatever you have. So he gets kicked out of class, goes fishing, gets alcohol, he pursues his own pleasure. He actually is quite insistent of his own agency and right to choose, he just can never directly say no.

And that little detail that Wei WuXian always tucks coins into his clothes just in case, that makes him able to buy food when he and Jiang Cheng are on the run... breaks my heart and reveals so much about the way Wei WuXian is constantly at work on ensuring his own survival and never takes for granted whether he is safe (he knows he never is). 

I've seen some people talking about Wei WuXian sacrificing so much for his brother and sister out of a need to be accepted out of a chronic sense of insecurity. But isn’t this just true? Doesn't he live in a world where being accepted is absolutely essential for survival? Doesn’t this whole story show the cruelty of a social system based on networks of hereditary/biological family that closes out and scapegoats any outsiders, and that without biological family connections that can enclose around you, you can never truly be safe if not constantly working to earn acceptance? (And then beautifully ends with the way a gay romantic relationship that queers marriage/family/etc disrupts all this and creates safety and inclusion for Wei WuXian without needing a normative family.) (AKA romantic love does not resolve some internal personal problem in Wei WuXian but disrupts and refuses and rebels against the problem of SOCIETY.) (*breathes heavily*)

And that’s why Lan WangJi is magnetizing to Wei WuXian. Lan WangJi is always saying no. Although what Lan WangJi sees in Wei WuXian is an exterior wildness, Wei WuXian is not really out of control so much as he is playing and caring and supplicating and showing off and pleasing people to get the resources and the acceptance he needs to live his life. He has firm values and desires that he can never outwardly state, only creatively spinning plates to distract and deflect while he refuses what goes against his values, protects who he cares for, or takes what he needs to in order to survive/thrive. Lan WangJi embodies an exterior of resoluteness and direct agency that Wei WuXian doesn't have the luxury of. And he's so drawn to him for his ability to repeatedly say no, to refuse to get along, or make others laugh, make other people happy, but just simply follow what he thinks is right.

Wei WuXian’s outward wild movement protects an inward stillness. He is an exterior of people-pleasing around an interior of refusal. He is an exterior of youthful rebellion around an interior of unflinching morality. He sees in Lan WangJi the outward expression of his stillness, his morality, his resistance that he can't express, that he's had to protect.

FYI after the cut gets more into the dynamics of consent in the story, and the last paragraph directly talks about consensual non-consent kink play in wangxian’s relationship.

When Wei WuXian is with Lan WangJi, there is no work to be done. Lan WangJi cannot be swayed by him, and so there's no point vying for resources or favors. Lan WangJi will either give him everything or refuse him everything based on who he is, it does not matter what Wei WuXian does and he can't do anything that will change Lan WangJi’s mind. Someone he literally can't win over. After the resurrection, they are often in an adorable tug of war, where Wei WuXian tries to take care of Lan WangJi, while Lan WangJi won't allow him to but demands to care of Wei WuXian right back. Actually, Lan WangJi insists that Wei WuXian take everything he wants or needs from him and is even angry when he doesn't take or when Wei WuXian tries to offer a gesture in return, even something as simple as a thank you Lan WangJi won't accept. It’s kind of adorable how frustrated Wei WuXian is in doing this thing he's learned that he needs to do, and just... so confused by Lan WangJi, and has to find a way to please this person who aggressively refuses to be pleased and is ONLY pleased by Wei WuXian being pleased.

(Not to mention the way Wei WuXian delights in finding that Lan WangJi can’t say what he wants, and they have sort of these chaotic cohesive both-being-so-pleased-by-working-hard-to-please each-other moments where Wei WuXian is letting Lan WangJi please him by finding out what pleases Lan WangJi and giving it to him.)

The wildness Lan WangJi had always hidden within himself is something he sees as just as dangerous as Wei WuXian thinks of his desire to refuse. He saw his mother be socially alienated, shunned, and eventually die because of her wildness. His ability to survive in the world, aka to be accepted by his family, is contingent on him being able to control this inner wildness. From a young age (re: Phoenix Mountain kiss) he could only understand his sexual desires for Wei WuXian as something repulsive or dangerous that had to be repressed and controlled, and that the only way he could imagine his desires as possible was as non-consensual. His secret gay desires were never available to him as anything but something monstrous.

Importantly, it’s not like everyone else other than Lan WangJi are all vampires cruelly demanding Wei WuXian’s constant sacrifice. Wei WuXian is always vibrantly, charismatically offering so much, before anyone has asked. It’s Wei WuXian who creates this kind of relationship for himself again and again. It’s Lan WangJi who simply refuses - he refuses to charmed, to be cared for. And so in the end Lan WangJi becomes the one person who Wei WuXian feels doesn't need anything from him. When he says he's eating the corpse's fruit to save Lan WangJi money and Lan WangJi says that will never be necessary. Or when Wei WuXian asks what toy he should win for Lan WangJi at the market game, and Lan WangJi says anything Wei WuXian gets will be the one he wants. (XD stahhhhp it’s too sweet !!!) He really just wants Wei WuXian to be, to exist, to spend his life discovering his own desires and allow Lan WangJi to help satisfy them, he doesn't want anything from Wei WuXian other than him living - happy and safe.

It takes someone like Lan WangJi to refuse Wei WuXian’s aggressive generosity, it’s definitely not an easy thing to say no to Wei WuXian, dazzling or annoying people so chaotically before they even realize there’s something to say no to. The sacrifice he gives to Jiang Cheng, he never even offers a choice - and perhaps it would have been too much for Jiang Cheng to accept if he had the chance.

Lan WangJi’s statement "Between us there is no need for thank you and sorry" seems like one of the most important sentences in the novel, and you can’t help but noticed the way “sorry” and “thank you” is littered meaningfully through the book. What is owed, what the characters owe to each other, the give and take, touches every part of the story (down to wangxian's erotic explorations!).

When Jiang Cheng talks to Wei WuXian at the Guanyin temple he makes a lot of contradictory statements about what Wei WuXian owes, what he was given, what he took, what he (Wei WuXian still) is owed in return. Wei WuXian, according to Jiang Cheng, took everything from the Jiang clan, and paid them back with their deaths. The Jiang clan give him his life when they took him in, and he owed Jiang Cheng service for the rest of his life as the right hand to the sect leader, that’s what Wei WuXian had promised anyway. At the same time, Wei WuXian sacrificed everything (his golden core) to Jiang Cheng, by giving everything he was taking one more thing - Jiang Cheng’s right to even be angry at him. Jiang Cheng had taken everything from Wei WuXian. Everything that happened around Wei WuXian after could be said to be because of the loss of his golden core, which Jiang Cheng might be said to be responsible for. But he never asked for it, maybe he never would have wanted it. He wishes Wei WuXian told him, but Jiang Cheng never told Wei WuXian his golden core was melted while he was sacrificing himself to save Wei WuXian. He wants Wei wuxian to say sorry, but that makes him feel pathetic. And Jiang Cheng says sorry too. It’s a mess of paradoxes, and in the end somehow it seems like the scales are balanced in the most hollow, dismal way.

What is owed, what is given, what is taken ... Wei WuXian has never been part of a family. He has always had to say thank you and sorry for everything he's taken. Wei WuXian himself admits that he used "thank you" as a way to enforce distance between himself and Lan WangJi. Lan WangJi's point i think is that they belong to each other, Wei WuXian is his, and he is Wei WuXian's, unconditionally. The way that Jiang Cheng speaks of him in the Guanyin temple (admittedly I read a fan translation and this is very nuanced, related to slight variations of grammar), even when Jiang Cheng clearly is so broken by the loss of Wei WuXian from his life, he talks about Wei WuXian as an outsider. It is what MY family gave to YOU, never what you took from our family. But at one point Wei WuXian was part of their family - but he takes too much, and becomes an ex-disciple, not a brother. Wei WuXian’s inclusion as a Jiang was always conditional. 

Even when Wen Qing and Wen Ning leave him to go take the blame for qiongqing path they tell him "thank you and sorry", drawing a line between them and him, so he doesn’t even belong to these people who he sacrificed everything for. The way Wei WuXian acted when he was younger, he was always keenly aware of this - he always knew that he didn’t belong to anyone, no one is going to protect him unconditionally. And after first escaping the Burial Mounds, he is done pretending. When Lan WangJi warns him about what a demonic cultivation path will do to his heart, Wei WuXian replies: “After all, on the topic of how my heart is, what could other people know about it? Why should other people care about it?” He is done pleasing. Nothing has changed really, he still belongs to no one and is alone, but now he is angry about it, and instead of saying thank you and sorry he is going to become too powerful to be at anyone's mercy. And then we see in the story afterward what happens to people who don't say thank you and sorry.

The whole point I think is the impossibility of choice, the impossibility of consent in this society. If he didn't forgo the behaviour his social acceptance was conditional on, he wouldn't have survived the burial mounds. But once he becomes powerful enough to survive and get revenge on the Wens, he is socially outcast. Except he was already outcast from the beginning.

And so how do Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi find a way through all that to a life together where all their desires are possible, where Wei WuXian can say no while also being pleasing (safe) to others, and Lan WangJi can indulge in his wild desires while still being good? The answer is kinky sex!

It is kind of miraculous and beautiful how Wei WuXian finds a way to say no, while simultaneously pleasing Lan WangJi, giving pleasure, while taking it, saying no, and knowing his refusal is not just tolerated, but gives Lan WangJi pleasure, knowing Lan wangji and knowing the painful belief Lan WangJi holds within that his desires are unacceptable and unspeakable, and that Wei WuXian can take care of Lan Wangji in a secret little way and please him and give everything to him by craving this wildness in Lan WangJi while at the same time he gets to say no again and again , and it won't push Lan WangJi away, he can refuse everything while at the same time be totally pleasing and thus safe, and also for Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian's pleasure at saying "no" while still being held onto, that he genuinely wants to be fucked even while begging Lan WangJi to stop (and the many ways he does give his consent for this throughout, especially their first time), allows Lan WangJi the ecstatic feeling that this idea that his sexual desires are only possible through force are not just something his lover forgives him for but something his lover is SO turned on by, and that he has consent for his fantasies of non-consent, Wei WuXian has the same fantasies from the other side, he is doing what he is supposed to while doing what he shouldn't, and actually these monstrous feelings in him allow him to take care of Wei WuXian in a way that he needs - that they both need - and all these impulses that are so wrong with Wei WuXian become very right and a way to do good. And they are just both so perfect and perfect for each other and I love them and I am so happy for them to have a long kinky life together.

[hmshermitcraft]

Pt. 2 of historical hermits being called “Just friends”

Hermiton herald

Breaking news:

The caskets of two well known founders have been found, leading to historians asking many questions:

The caskets of both Sir Ren the Dog and Doctor Macmillan the 7th have been found under a historical landmark of a van the two close friends shared together, along with the casket of an unknown man, which DNA testing has shown to be the body of RenBob, a close relative to Sir Ren. Found on their bodies were matching rings and photographs that indicate a connection more than friendship. Along with this, letters depicting the events of affairs between the two, who had never taken lovers of the opposite sex, have been discovered, hidden by direct relatives of theirs because of the lack of acceptance at that time. Those letters were forgotten about but we hope this news will be taken well, as times have changed. We interviewed the last living Hermit about these matters, and here is what he had to say.

Reporter: We’ve found evidence that two close friends of yours, Ren and Doc, may have been dating. What is your opinion on these matters?

Mumbo: Us hermits always knew, and they were legally married. It was only after most of the remaining hermits died that homphobia was pushed on to the newer generations. None of the original hermits would’ve stood for this. We were all very accepting of them. Hell, I had two husbands of my own. I don’t believe any of the hermits were Cisgender or Straight. Most of us were polyamorous and slept around with the others. You only found theirs because they didn’t try to hide it. They were brave. You only idolize us because you’ve been trained to think that anyone in a position of power mush have conformed to roles forced upon us. You know nothing about us so you make up what you want.

Reporter, now in shock: So, you had two husbands and never bothered to confide in the press?

Mumbo: Of course not, why would I? It is none of your business and the press is full of nonsense gossips who make up stuff half of the time. I’m ending the interview now, I will disclose later information when I see fit.

Reporter: Good day Sir.

Mumbo: I wish I could say the same.

-✨(Aka forgot to tag the original)

Well now I’m invested. Who was responsible for the straightwashing of the hermits?

[lyndiscealin]

WIP Game

@knickknacksandallthat I am picking this right up ;)

So here is my kandreil Bodyguard AU and Hitman AU WIP

Of course everyone who wants can hereby see themselves as tagged.

Kevin Day was one of the most famous people in the world. Combined with his history with a Yakuza branch, this made him the most likely target for a hit. Good thing that he was able to afford the best and the best was Andrew Minyard.

Andrew had a history as a hitman himself so he knew most of the tricks. After one Agent David Wymack recruited him for the FBI, Andrew had quickly risen in ranks. It had been an injury that forced him to quit and to go into security. For over five years now he protected Kevin from all threats imaginable together with his team.

Renee Walker was his second in command. He had known her since his days as a hitman. 

Matt Boyd was his communication specialist, talking to suspects or people who were still indecisive if they should pull the trigger or not. 

Danielle Wilds was his ears and eyes. She was good at being everywhere at once without being seen. She reported every movement back to him, so he was able to pull the strings in the background and be the last shield between threats and Kevin. He wasn’t very fond of her, but she did good work, without her, the heart of the team would be missing.

Seth Gordon was his man for the difficult stuff. Confronting threats head on, being the leader of the security teams that secured and scouted places a hitman or sniper could place themselves. He was hot headed, but also the best for the job. Never more reckless than allowed, even if it often was a very thin line.

Allison Reynolds had been a direct part of his team once, as his specialist for booby traps, but she had decided to move on at some point and was now an informant for him out of the upper society. If she ever wanted to come back he could use her for gathering intelligence, it was the only thing she seemed better at than blowing things up. As it stood now, though, the Moriyamas weren’t able to even think about making a move without her knowing.

With Andrew in the middle of them, as some kind of mastermind, they were the best security team in the world and Andrew would rather die than let anyone harm Kevin.

Right now Andrew stood right behind Kevin, while he gave some boring speech. It was good that Andrew wasn’t supposed to listen to, his eyes scanning the crowd and the buildings around them instead.

“We found it”, Seth reported through the intercoms. “They even left behind the rifle. You were right, Minyard, as always. Never thought someone would try to shoot from that angle and from this distance.”

Andrew only gave a hum to that.

“Good work!”, Renee chimed in.

“Stay hidden, for a few minutes, Gordon. I will tell you when you can come back.”, Dan commanded.

“The other teams report the places they checked clear. I think we are done for now.”, Matt answered.

“Stay alert. Kevin is not safe until he is back in his apartment.”, Andrew warned.

“Wait, Allison is calling me, give me a minute.”

Andrew knew Allison wouldn’t call, if it wasn’t something important, so he confirmed Dan’s request, waiting.

“Kevin’s PR Manager just got fired for allowing someone to publish Kevin’s yearly donations to charity. The PR team will do damage control, but we will have to do a lot of background checks in the weeks to come.”

Andrew sighed. Apart from his team, he was surrounded by incompetent idiots. Of course no one knew that Kevin donated most of his money to the mafia, but there was a strict rule to never disclose information about his finances.

A few miles away, Nathaniel Wesninski cursed out Andrew Minyard to hell and back. This should have been an easy hit. Of course he heard how many failed before, but his plan had been perfect. No one but him would have been able to do that shot. How the fuck had they found him?

This was a giant problem and he would never underestimate that midget again.

[reidandweep]

Dinosaurs and Sharks

Spencer Reid x Reader (female)

A/N- Im going to be doing a couple of imagines on some subjects that I relate to specifically. This is the first one, so I hope you enjoy. Also I made up a lot of the American stuff. So sorry if it isn’t accurate as I am from Britain.

Word Count- 4567 words

Warning- Fluff, Angst, mentions of anxiety and panic attacks.

‘Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.’ - Arthur Somers Roche.

Everyone remembers their first. First kiss. First love. First heartbreak. First time they watched their favourite film or read their favourite book. One first is always clearer than the rest. Every detail so vivid in a person’s mind. For Y/N, it was her first panic attack.

She remembered the feeling of not being able to breath as her lungs constricted around nothing. The gasping for air as her hands began to shake. She was alone and did not know what was happening. Y/N thought she was dying. That this is what death felt like. It took her approximately 38 minutes to calm down her breathing; her face a canvas of dried tears and her hands aching from their clenched position.

As life continued, Y/N found that these moments would happen often. Anything could trigger a panic attack. She had them over miniscule things like using the wrong coloured pen for her notes. But also, over dramatic events in her life, like being employed at the BAU.

It had always been her aspiration to work for the FBI. Y/N would not let anything get in her way of achieving what she had worked so hard for. Choosing not to disclose information about her anxiety to the team, Y/N had successfully kept her anxiety under control at work. Stepping out when she felt overwhelmed, doing her set routine to help slow down her breathing and her heart rate. No anxiety or panic attacks had occurred at work. Until one late Thursday evening, whilst trying to solve a case, it seemed like there was no way out of the oncoming wave that was about to crash over her.

YN sat at her desk, re-reading over the case for what felt like the hundredth time. They had been in Atlanta, Georgia for three days with no luck. Two more lives had been lost, and if they didn’t work fast enough, another would soon be too.

Y/N was alone in the office in which the team had been situated into for the time being. She had volunteered to look over the victimology once more as Rossi and JJ spoke to the families of the two newest victims, and Emily and Morgan went to the second crime scene as Hotch and Spencer surveyed the third.

Cracking her back as she stretched from her crouched position, Y/N looked at the clock on the wall. The team would be back soon, and she could not see anything new. She had to keep looking. As she delved deeper and deeper into the words before her, her eyes glanced between the pages of the file and the clock, Y/N felt the creeping tension in her chest.

“I haven’t got the time for this.”

Y/N banged her fist on the desk as her chest got increasingly tighter. Looking down at her fist, she saw that it was shaking.

As her other hand moved to her chest, Y/N stood up from her chair and paced across the room.

“Not now. Anytime but now!”

Y/N tried to take deep breathes to ease the panic that she felt. She couldn’t help but to glance at the clock. She couldn’t risk the team seeing her like this. Grabbing the file, Y/N dashed out of the room, looking for somewhere where she could calm herself down.

Seeing an open door ahead, Y/N looked inside the room to survey its contents. Noticing no one inside, she quickly shut the door behind her, dropping the file on the table as she continued to pace the room.

“Breathe, Y/N. Breathe.”

She tried. Y/N tried so hard to regulate her breathes but her chest continued to rise and fall at an increasing rate.

The feeling was overwhelming. She hated that she could never control it. No matter how much she tried. The exercises never worked. Her therapist’s advice was useless. She would have to stay in the room until she calmed down; however long it took.

Sliding down against the wall, Y/N threaded her shaking hands through her hair, pulling on the strands as tears flooded from her eyes. Her cries were quiet, but to her they sounded so loud that they echoed in her mind.

As the team walked back into the precinct, they discussed the evidence in which they found from each scene and interview conducted.

“Both parents of the most recent victims state that their daughters did not know each other. They were all from different areas and attended separate universities.”

Emily nodded at Rossi as they continued to walk towards their allocated room.

“The crime scenes both showed signs of a struggle and personal items were missing from both the bedrooms. This time it was a pompom and a baton.”

The team took in Hotch’s words. Emily walked to the door; hand situated over the door handle.

“Were the girls on any cheerleading teams?”

JJ shook her head at Morgan’s question.

“Well let’s just hope that Y/N’s found something that we’ve missed.”

As the door opened, the team looked in confusion to see Y/N nowhere in sight.

“Maybe she went to get a drink. We were gone for a while.”

The team headed into the room, situating themselves across the threshold as they continued to discuss the new evidence. Spencer lingered at the door.

Something felt off. Spencer noticed that Y/N file was nowhere in sight and that her phone was left on the table. She was never without her phone.

“Guys, I’ll be back in a second. I’m just going to go to the bathroom.”

The team all acknowledged Spencer’s words in their own way; too engrossed in the case to notice Spencer’s perplexed look.

Spencer walked down the hall as he thought of where Y/N could be.  As he turned the corner, Spencer immediately noticed the picture on the floor; in the middle of the empty hallway. Walking towards the picture, Spencer crouched down to survey its contents. He recognised it as a piece from the victimology report.

Looking down the corridor, he saw multiple more pictures on the ground. Spencer continued to follow their path, picking them up as he passed each one. He soon came to an end when no more pictures were strewn on the carpet.

Beginning to worry, Spencer wondered where Y/N could be. Just as he was about to head back to tell the team, a muffled sound could be heard.

Spencer stared at the door in front of him. It was labelled ‘Interrogation Room 4’. Spencer knew that no one had been brought in for interrogation so far, therefore, the room should be vacant.

Carefully, Spencer moved his hand to grasp the door handle. Opening the door, Spencer quietly walked inside. As he shut the door behind him, Spencer instantly recognised Y/N on the other side of the glass.

His heart broke at the sight of her. Unable to stand by for even a second, Spencer opened the door adjoining the hidden area to the interrogation room.

Y/N jumped from the sound of the opening door. Looking in the direction of the noise, her breathing elevated as she saw who had opened it.

She could not bear for anyone to see her in this way. The team had seen her as anything but strong. She had never cried on a case. Or thrown up or fainted at the sights they had seen. She was able to control the overwhelming feeling that enveloped her until she was alone.

“Y/N…”

“S-Spen-ce, ple-a-ase le-le-leave.”

Y/N struggled to speak as she gasped for air. Her throat dried from her cries and her face wet from the constant tears.

For a miniscule of a second, Spencer contemplates doing as she asked; until he truly looks at her. He had noticed signs of Y/N being anxious in the past, but he had written it down as nerves from being new to the team. He would have never guessed anxiety disorder or panic attacks due to her confidence and lack of breakdowns on the field. They had all cried or walked away from bodies during their first few months; even Hotch had. All except Y/N. Spencer moved to stand in front of Y/N. Crouching down, he reached for her hands in her hair.

Y/N couldn’t help the confusion that showed on her face as she allowed Spencer to grab her hands from her hair and hold them in his own grasp. Spencer hated touching hands. He hated germs. In her short time at the BAU, her hands had never touched his once.

Spencer locked his gaze with Y/N as he began to speak.

“Y/N, is It okay if I help?”

Y/N slowly nodded her head at his question. He had already seen her hyperventilating. She may as well take his help.

Spencer stroked the back of her hands with his thumbs.

“First, can you look at five things in the room and describe them for me?”

Y/N’s hand shook in Spencer’s as her eyes darted around the room as she tried to focus on five objects. There weren’t enough things in the room. Spencer noticed her increasing distress.

Squeezing her hands, Spencer pulled her focus back to him.

“it’s alright. Let’s try this instead. Describe five things about me. Anything you want.”

Y/N’s eyes travelled across Spencer. First, she locked onto his hair.

“Your hair is short-er-er than it was la-las-st week. You’ve had it cut. I Li-ik-ike it.”

Spencer blushed at her compliment; nodding his head at her to continue.

Y/N could already feel her breathing relax. Her hands still shaking as the sweat on her brow and neck continued to cool her burning skin.

“You’re wearing your favour-our-rite tie. You always wear it on days th-th-at you want to be better. You’ve worn it twice since we’ve be-ee-en here.”

Spencer was shocked at how observant she was with him. Of course, she was observant, she was a profiler, but he never thought it would be in his direction.

“You have one purple sock with dinosaurs on and one blue sock with sharks on. Purples my favourite colour and sharks are my favourite animal too, how weird.”

Spencer noticed that Y/N know longer stumbled over her words, her breathing was evening out and she even smiled when she looked at his socks.

“My favourite colour is purple too. I prefer Saurapods specifically in reference to dinosaurs. Sauropods evolved to walk on four legs and typically grew to enormous sizes. They were herbivores and consisted of dinosaurs such as…”

“Brontosaurus, Brachiosaurus, and Diplodocus.”

Spencer was finding out more and more about Y/N in this single moment than he had in her whole time with the team so far. He determined it down to her walls being lowered due to her panic attack.

“Yeah. That’s exactly what I was going to say.”

Y/N couldn’t help a smile grow on her face from the look that Spencer was giving her. Her hands began to shake less as she held his gaze. Unconsciously, matching her breathes to his deeper ones. She was calming down without even realising.

“Two more things.”

Y/N licked her lips; ridding the dryness as she scanned Spencer to describe another detail.

Spencer tried to ignore the gesture, but he could now feel his own hands begin to sweat in her grasp. He shook his head. He was helping her. He had to focus.

“You look like you can play piano. You have the hands for it. They’re large and smooth. A lot bigger than my little hands.”

Spencer chuckled at her words.

“I actually don’t play piano. I wanted to join the band in high school, but I was already picked on for being so young, I didn’t want them to have something else to use against me.”

Y/N squeezed Spencer’s hand.

“I wasn’t in band, but I was the school mascot throughout high school. I got teased relentlessly for it because of what our mascot was.”

“What was it?”

“A pig.”

Spencer looked at Y/N perplexed. Y/N rolled her eyes at his obliviousness. “The boys on the football team would often make fun of my weight. It crippled me for some years, especially because I had to travel with the cheerleaders, who were a lot skinnier than me. I had to be there at all their competitions to show school spirit. Our school would even give me things to help amp up the crowd.”

Spencer grasped Y/N’s hands tighter.

“Like pomspoms?

“Yeah, and megaphones. When the band played, they gave me a baton to twirl and throw in the air.”

Y/N saw the look on Spencer’s face. She knew instantly why he looked so shocked.

“We found items missing from the two newest victims’ rooms. One was a pompom and the other a baton?”

“Did the baton have a specific symbol on the stick?”

Spencer nodded his head.

“The parent’s said it was blue and white with a manatee on the bottom.”

Y/N rushed to her feet pulling Spencer up with her. Dragging him out the door, Spencer ran to keep in toe with Y/N as she explained to him her thoughts.

The team looked on stunned as Y/N and Spencer came bursting through the door; their hands interlocked, and Y/N’s face adorned with tracks of dried tears.

Before they could question what was going on, Y/N began to talk.

“All three of the victims were mascots for their university teams.”

Morgan shook his head.

“The parent’s said that none of their children were part of the cheer team.”

Y/N began to wave her arms as she spoke, unaware of her hand still grasped in Spencer’s as it moved alongside her own as she spoke.

“Being a mascot does not connect you solely to the cheerleading squad. You represent all teams at the school; basketball, baseball, soccer, football etc. Every year, the mascots go with the teams to their state events. It’s like a sports decathlon kind of event where each universities sports team face other universities. Even the mascots compete against one another’s.”

Hotch looked at Y/N inquisitively.

“And how do we know our victims attended this event?”

Y/N looked towards Spencer to answer.

Spencer cleared his throat as he was aware of the flickering gazes between Y/N and Spencer’s interlocked hands and Y/N tear stained face.

“The items taken from the girls’ bedrooms are all ritual items for the Spirit Games. It’s a superstition that if these items are not in the holder’s possession during the games, that they cannot win. Y/N recognised the logo on the baton. The manatee belongs to the State College of Florida. They have been an exception into the games, even though they didn’t qualify the past few years. That was the stick taken out of Alison Cable’s room. Alison attended University of Colorado; whose mascot is Milo the Lynx. Alison would only have the baton with her team mascot on; unless she took another teams.”

Rossi faced Y/N.

“What are the other items that are need for the ritual?”

“So, there’s the baton for band, pompom for cheer, captains arm band for soccer, mouthguard from the quarterback for football, and sweatband from point guard for basketball. If one is taken, then it’s considered bad luck for all the teams of that university.”

JJ turned towards Hotch.

“The pompom that Melissa Druid’s mother described was dark blue. Melissa attended the University of Georgia. Their colour is red.”

Prentiss agreed.

Hotch looked at Y/N.

“Are you positive about this?”

Y/N began to doubt herself. Worrying that she might have overthought it all. Her breathing picked up once again until Spencer squeezed her hand. With his empty hand, he pointed at his hair, then fiddled with his tie, then pulled up his trouser leg to show his unmatched socks. He was helping Y/N stay grounded.

Y/N looked at Spencer in wonder; all she could think at that moment was how special Spencer Reid truly was. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath in and out, calming herself down.

As she opened her eyes, she locked them onto Hotch’s.

“Without a shadow of a doubt.”

Hotch nodded his head in approval.

“Morgan and Prentiss, I need you to go back to the first victims’ home. Re-assess the room and ask if either a mouth guard, sweatband, or arm band has gone missing. Question the parents about the Spirit Games. Rossi and JJ, I need you to look into the alumni on the board of the Spirit Games. Get Garcia to do checks on all potential members who had gone to the State College of Florida; correlate it to our profile. Reid, you’re coming with me. We’re going to the State College of Florida. Y/N may I have a brief word?”

Y/N looked towards Spencer. She knew that Hotch would want to speak to her. There was no way he would ignore her bursting into the room, not only holding onto Spencer for dear life, but also looking as dishevelled as she did.

Letting go of Spencer’s hand, she turned to follow Hotch out of the door. As they stood in the hallway, Y/N couldn’t stay quiet with the anxiety pushing her thoughts out of her mouth.

“Hotch, I know it doesn’t look the best, but I promise that Spencer and I were not fraternising.”

She couldn’t handle the blank stare that Hotch aimed towards her, so she continued to talk.

“When I got the position on the team, I made sure my anxiety was under control. I went to therapy. I learnt techniques and I took steps away when I felt overwhelmed. I made sure not to overwork myself. It was going fine. But this case made it feel like we were getting nowhere. I didn’t want you all coming back to find out I had found nothing new. I began to get anxious and I fled the room before you came in. Spencer found me in one of the interrogation rooms. He helped calm me down from my panic attack. I promise you, that’s all that happened. I will keep it under control.”

Hotch waited for Y/N to finish talking, allowing her to take some breathes.

“We all have things we want to keep to ourselves from the team. Privacy is hard to have in this line of work. I didn’t tell anyone about Hailey and I separating until months after. But something like anxiety needs to be told. We can help you Y/N, you’ve seen that yourself today.”

Y/N nodded her head.

“Coping with anxiety and panic attacks do not make you inept to be a part of this team. Each one of us deal with something that make us believe that were a hinderance. But it’s not and it will never be. So, I know it’s hard, but stop worrying about how the team view you. Your part of the family now and if that means having to take a step away or flagging someone over to help calm a panic attack then by all means do it. But I can say that it seems like the best person helped you today.”

Y/N blushed at Hotch’s words, noticing the ghost of a smile on the man’s face.

“Now go to the room and take a rest. When you feel up to it, join Rossi and JJ with contacting Penelope when looking into the alumni and Spirit Games board. You’ve been a massive help so far, don’t think otherwise.”

Hotch squeezed Y/N’s shoulder as he walked past her to re-enter the room.

She watched as each member filed out to go to their assigned task. Her eyes caught Spencer’s as he left the room. Just as he began to walk towards her, Hotch called Spencer over; insisting that they left straight away.

Y/N mouthed bye to Spencer as he waved back. Their gaze not breaking until he walked out of the precinct.

Heading back into the room, Y/N notice Rossi and JJ in discussion.

“Hey guys, is it alright if I take a quick nap? It’ll only be 10 minutes at most.”

Rossi and JJ smiled towards Y/N. The team having been debriefed slightly by Hotch about what had occurred. She didn’t mind. Like Hotch said, they were family and they were there to help.

Rossi opened his arms as he beckoned Y/N into his embrace. She followed his orders and wrapped her arms around her superior. She smiled as JJ rubbed her arms and leaned her head on hers in comfort.

“Take all the time you need Sleeping Beauty; we will be right here.”

Y/N chuckled at Rossi’s nickname for her.

Releasing herself from the hold, she thanked her two friends as she laid down on the sofa. Shifting to become comfortable, her eyes instantly rolled shut from the fatigue of the emotions that had flooded from her body in the past 45 minutes. It didn’t take long until she was deep in the world of sleep.

Rustling and conversation could be heard as Y/N slipped back into conscious. Her eyes still heavy as she refused to open them for a little longer. She could hear the voices of the team around her.

“Is everything packed and ready to go?”

“Looks like it, just got to wake Sleeping Beauty up and we can head to the jet. What don’t you give her true loves kiss, Prince Charming?”

“Actually, Prince Charming is in affiliation to the story of Cinderella. You mean to refer to Prince Philip from the Disney production. In Sleeping Beauty’s original story, the “hero” is a king who meets a beautiful sleeping princess and decides to rape and impregnate her while she’s sleeping. So, I think I will just awaken her as one usually would.”

Y/N couldn’t help but giggle at Spencer’s rebuttal to Morgan.

“Well, it doesn’t seem like you need to Pretty Boy, because Sleeping Beauty is awake.”

Y/N opened her eyes as she rubbed them excessively to clear her vision. She saw Spencer sat on the edge of the couch, his satchel at his feet. Looking around the room, she noticed all the team’s stuff packed; her bag and coat neatly laid on the table. The only people in the room was her, Spencer and Morgan.

“How long was I asleep for?”

“4 hours, 2 minutes, and 36 seconds from when JJ text us that you had fallen asleep.”

Y/N groaned at the clarification that she had slept so long. By the lucks of the packed-up items, the team had found the unsub.

“I can’t believe I slept through everything. Someone should have awoken me.”

Derek chuckled as he threw his back over his shoulder, grabbing the last two boxes in the room.

“We were going to but Prince Phillip over here went into a ramble about the importance of sleep in relation to dealing with anxiety and stress. Just following the doctor’s orders. Even Hotch was afraid to go against his wishes. We’re leaving in five, so I’ll meet you both downstairs.”

Derek left the room, leaving Y/N and Spencer sitting in baited silence.

Neither knew what to say. They had crossed over into a territory of friendship that neither were expecting. Feelings that weren’t apparent before was now clear to themselves. Y/N had always found Spencer fascinating. Spencer was usually weary of new team members, but he had warmed to Y/N very quickly. He wouldn’t have touched her hands if he hadn’t.

“We better not leave them waiting any longer, or else they’ll think I’ve fallen to sleep again.”

Spencer chuckled at Y/N, following her actions as she grabbed her bag. He walked to the door, waiting for her as she put on her coat. Holding the door open, Spencer gestured for Y/N to leave first, the woman thanking him as he turned off the light behind her.

Luckily, the police station was close to the hanger. As Y/N and Spencer joined the team outside, it took them not even 10 minutes to arrive by car.

As the team boarded the jet, idle conversation flowed between the group. Talks of weekend plans and food that would be ordered when people arrived home.

Y/N stood from her seat by Emily and across from Spencer and Morgan.

“No one look at my cards. I’m going to make a coffee, does anyone want one?”

There was a chorus of no from the group as she walked to make her drink.

Pouring the liquid into her cup, Y/N’s chest suddenly felt tight. Her hands beginning to shake; spilling the hot liquid on her hand. Hissing at the pain, she went into the bathroom to put her hand under cold water. As the pain. In her hand subsided, the one in her chest rose again. She could feel another panic attack happening. The only thought she had was to get to Spencer.

Opening the bathroom door, she felt relief as she noticed that Spencer now sat alone on the sofa, flickering through some paperwork that they would more than likely complete once they got back to Quantico.

Not even thinking, Y/N headed straight for Spencer, startling him as she plopped down beside him.

Y/N took deep breathes, once again matching them with Spencer’s.

Spencer glanced at Y/N as he recognised what she was doing. Not wanting to cause a scene with the team which could elevate Y/N’s anxiety Spencer nonchalantly linked his left hand with Y/N’s right one. Repeating the actions, he had done so in the interrogation room.

“What’s your favourite dinosaur?”

Y/N looked over at Spencer as he asked the question. She watched as he put down the file; giving her his undivided attention. Her eye’s flashed down to his socks as she relayed his question in her head.

“My favourite dinosaur is the Apatosaurus. But my favourite prehistoric creature is the Carcharocles Megalodon.”

Spencer couldn’t help but beam at Y/N’s answer.

“Did you know that even though megalodons and dinosaurs are both extinct, they never coexisted. The dinosaurs died out about 66 million years ago. Megalodons came later. The oldest megalodon fossils are from the Miocene Epoch, which began 23 million years ago.”

Y/N felt the pain in her chest ease as she turned to face Spencer, her hands unconsciously moving to fiddle with the one in his grasp. Spencer tried to keep the colour of his cheeks down as he felt her play with his fingers.

“It makes sense.”

Spencer looked at her in confusion.

“Why?”

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh as she answered.

“Because Megalodons would have ruled during the dinosaur’s existence. The minute they go near the water, bam, Megalodon has its dinner.”

Falling deeper into their conversation, Y/N and Spencer were blissfully unaware of the attention from the team they were receiving.

“They seem to be enjoying each other’s company.”

The team chuckled at JJ’s remark.

“Look closely folks because we’re going to be telling this story at their wedding one day.”

The team looked on, watching as the two profilers interacted.

They may not have known Y/N long, but they had all known Spencer long enough to know that what they were seeing was the beginning of something incredibly special.

‘There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.’- Sarah Dessen.

A/N- I will be looking into other subjects in my next imagines so I hope you enjoy. The way I’ve portrayed anxiety and panic attacks is how I have experienced them in ways. I haven’t gone into depths how truly bad I have dealt with them because I’m writing it for the character. So I understand please understand if it doesn’t reflect how you may deal or know someone who deals with anxiety and panic attacks experience it. X

Tagged list- @danielleslegacy​

[pappydaddy]

Tribulations (n.w.)

 A/N: I am slowing knocking these requests down! I am so happy to finally be able to get these imagines out for you guys who have waited so, so patiently!! This one is for the lovely anon who requested Nancy x fem!reader with a secret relationship. I had no idea what to title this so I just went with a word😅! This has some hardcore angst so I hope you don’t mind! Hope you enjoy it lovely💛!

Pairing: Nancy Wheeler x Fem!Reader

Show/Movie: Stranger Things

Requested

Inspired by: i love you by billie eilish (slowed + reverb) (first bit) and She by dodie (second bit) *creds to owners, found in links)                    

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending, argument, fluff.

masterlist | taglist | wips | navigation - my gif -

 There was a certain comfort about hiding something so tender from everyone else. Maybe it was the fact that it remained untouched by the menacing hands of the outside world, maybe it was the fact that it laid in the shadows, unseen by everyone else. Whatever it was, Nancy didn’t have a problem continuing this charade of hiding her relationship from her friends and family. She was perfectly content on hiding the loving touches and kisses that she and Y/N shared in the confines of their rooms. 

 Y/N on the other hand was growing tired of being hidden. She wanted nothing more than to hold Nancy’s hand as they walked down the street in the daylight. She wanted to kiss her in front of their friends just as Nancy had done with her boyfriend’s in the past. She wanted to have the sickeningly cute relationship you saw in the movies, but yet, she was restricted to stealing kisses when they snuck away under the pretenses of powdering their noses. 

 “Hey, Nance,” Y/N spoke up, her teeth picking at her bottom lip nervously. She didn’t lift her head off Nancy’s chest, remaining in her comfortable position of laying between Nancy’s thighs, their stomachs pressing together. Nancy hummed, her fingers continuing to comb through Y/N’s hair. “I’ve been thinking-”  

 “Uh oh, thinking almost always leads to something.” Nancy commented, trying to keep the lightness of the situation, almost as if she knew exactly what Y/N was going to try and talk about. Y/N sensed her girlfriend’s nerves rising, the panic stirring under her calm surface. She pulled herself from Nancy’s embrace, suddenly the calmness she once felt a second ago turned to undeniable tension. Sitting on her knees, she faced Nancy who sat up, pulling her knees to her chest. 

 “Yeah, that’s kinda the whole point,” Y/N nodded awkwardly, tangling her fingers together nervously. “Um, I was just wondering when we could maybe tell people about us,” She spoke the question that had been weighing on her mind for some time. “It doesn’t have to be everyone, it can start with Robin and Steve or something, or maybe just Robin, it doesn’t matter as long as you’re comfortable, but I just want someone else to know about us.” She rambled, worried that the thought of telling everyone they knew would freak Nancy out too much. 

 “I don’t know, Y/N, I kind of like this.” Nancy shrugged, wrapping her arms around herself. Y/N sighed, her shoulders slumping. She knew that Nancy had worked at breaking from the mold of the perfect daughter, trying to stop living with a safety net under her at all times, but she also knew that the safety net had only dropped so far. 

 “Like what, Nancy? Like only being able to hold each other within a certain four walls? Is this all our relationship will be? Hiding in our rooms, stealing kisses in empty public washrooms?” Y/N pressed, gesturing to the room they currently sat in. The walls of Nancy’s room was a sight that Y/N saw pretty much daily, but right now, she would rather be anywhere else. 

 “Of course not,” Nancy defended, her mouth falling open as she struggled to find a way to reply to her. “But you have to admit that there is something special about keeping this,” She gestured between herself and Y/N who remained at the foot of her bed, keeping as much distance between them as she could. “Keeping us away from them.” She pointed her finger towards her window. Y/N glanced towards it before shaking her head.   

 “Look Nancy, I get that you’re nervous to tell people and that’s okay, but honestly,” She took a deep breath. “You might be okay with hiding us from the world, but it makes me feel like shit. It makes me think that you don’t want people to know that you’re dating me and that hurts.” Tears stung her eyes, but she hurriedly blinked them away. She kept her eyes from meeting Nancy’s brown ones, knowing that if she looked at them, she wouldn’t be able to stop the salty tears from streaking down her cheeks. 

 “That’s not what I meant to do, you have to trust me, Y/N/N,” Nancy pleaded, rolling onto her knees to reach for Y/N’s hands. Y/N scrambled off the bed, standing in the middle of Nancy’s room with her hands raised in the air to avoid Nancy from teaching them. She shook her head, a lump forming in her throat. “I never meant for you to feel like that, I just think it’d be better if we keep our relationship a secret for a bit longer-” 

 “Yeah, a bit longer,” Y/N’s voice was weak as she tried to hold back her emotions, her bitter sarcasm straining through just enough for Nancy to recognize it. “That’s what you said two months ago! And two months before that,” She exclaimed loudly. Nancy sent a panicked look to the closed bedroom door, shushing Y/N. “Christ Nancy! We’re nearing our one year anniversary and we are still keeping us a secret,” She continued. Nancy opened her mouth to talk, but Y/N unknowingly cut her off, finally meeting Nancy’s eyes. “Why,” She spoke the word softly, so softly that it was almost unheard. “Why do you want to keep us a secret?” Hurt was evident in her voice and Nancy knew that nothing she could say would make that hurt go away right now.  

 “I-I,” She stammered, this time, it was her eyes that dropped from Y/N’s. “I-”  

 “Is it because you’re dating me, a girl,” Y/N posed the question with a strained voice. This time a tear did roll down her cheek. “Because I really don’t want to think that you would be ashamed of that, but I really cannot find another reason why you would be so adamant about keeping us a secret. And if you’re not ready to come out to people yet, that’s fine. I am completely okay with that because that’s something you have to do on your own time, but all I am asking for is for you to tell me so that we can figure out where we can go from here,” She ranted her voice wobbling. She looked up at the ceiling, trying to will the tears and lump in her throat away, but it was useless. “Because I don’t want to sit here and just be a secret forever.”  

 “That’s not the reason! Maybe it’s part of it, but trust me when I say that I am ready to come out to my mom and brother! Even our friends, but I don’t want to fully disclose our relationship with them.” Nancy told her, her eyes wide.  

 “That’s the thing, Nancy,” She sighed. “I don’t want to force you to come out to anyone if you’re not ready. If you were truly ready, you would have talked about it or at least thought about before you realized that you could lose me from this,” Y/N finally shuffled back over to the bed, sitting on the edge of it, just far enough out of Nancy’s reach to let her know she still didn’t want to be touched. “I’m not saying I want to break-up, I am saying that I want to talk about this with you, but I think we both need to take some time and think about what we want separately and then talk.”  

 “So you want to go on a break?” Nancy’s voice wobbled this time, her bottom lip quivering ever so slightly.  

 “No, just take a day or two, think about it and then we can talk and see where to go from there. We need to start communicating instead of just brushing everything under the rug,” Y/N paused, hesitantly reaching her hand out to lay in over Nancy’s, their eyes connecting. “But don’t feel like you need to come out to keep me, I don’t want to force you to come out, I just want to talk.” She reminded her. 

 “Talk,” Nancy nodded, swallowing thickly. “We can do that.”  

 “Okay,” Y/N whispered, pulling her hand off Nancy’s slowly. “I’m going to go now, call me when you want to talk?” She asked, picking her bag up off the floor. Nancy nodded, her lips pressing together in an attempt to stop the trembling. She didn’t answer, too scared that she’d break down if she opened her mouth to speak.  

 With a final nod and a tight smile, Y/N opened the door to Nancy’s room. It felt like even more of a weight settled down upon her now that the fate of their relationship hung in the balances of uncertainty as she closed the door behind her and quickly made her way out of the Wheeler household. “Leaving so soon, Y/N, I was just going to go up and ask if you were staying for dinner tonight.” Mrs. Wheeler perked up as the teen rushed past the entrance of the dining room. Y/N stopped, backing up to peek her head around the wall, a fake smile on her lips.  

 “Uh, not tonight Mrs. Wheeler, thanks for the offer though! I’m just really swamped with College Applications and stuff, the busy life of a Senior!” She lied, hoping the older woman would buy it. Mrs. Wheeler hummed, nodding as if she hadn’t bought the lie she gave her. 

 “You’re coming to the movie night this weekend though, right?” Mike popped up, blinking at the girl. The monthly movie night. It started with just Y/N, Steve, Robin, and the kids before it expanded to include Nancy after her break-up with Jonathan. 

 “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” She told him, earning a smile from the lanky teen. “See you, Mrs. Wheeler, thank you for having me!” She called over her shoulder, escaping the seemingly cheery house as she felt like she was suffocating. She regretted bringing the topic up. She wanted to huddle back under the shade of the shadows, the protection of blissful ignorance, but she knew that if they wanted to progress this relationship any farther, they had to talk about this sooner or later.  

 She held onto her tears long enough to slip into her car, but the second the door slammed, her shoulders shook as tears rolled freely down her cheeks. The fear that maybe this might be the end of her relationship weighing heavily on her mind. ____  

  “Nancy?” Y/N gasped in shock when she pulled her front door open to see her girlfriend standing on her porch. Nancy looked up from her feet, her eyes connecting with Y/N’s. Tension and an air of awkwardness surrounded them as they stood there staring at each other. 

 “Um, I know you asked me to call you, but I was out driving and I thought that there was no better time to talk than now,” Nancy explained, shuffling her feet. Y/N blinked, not having expected Nancy to be ready to talk so soon (a day) after the fight. “Could I come in?” She asked the stunned girl, pointing past her into her house.  

 “Yeah, yeah,” Y/N nodded, stepping aside as she ran a hand over her face. “Come in, and uh, sit down, my parents are out for the night so we can talk in the living room if you’d like.” Y/N swallowed, gesturing towards the empty living room. 

 “Thank you.” Nancy whispered in passing, slipping into the house and practically beelining towards the living room. Y/N softly closed the door, leaning her forehead against the wood of it before pushing off it and joining Nancy.  

 “Would you like a drink or something before we start talking,” She asked, rubbing the back of her neck. Nancy shook her head, settling down on the couch, placing her bag by her feet delicately. “Okay,” Y/N nodded, rubbing her nervous palms on her jeans. She sat on the opposite end of the couch stiffly, clearing her throat. “So, you’re ready to talk about us?”  

 “Yeah, um,” Nancy shifted, angling her body to look at Y/N better from the corner of her eyes. She kept her gaze on her interlocked fingers that were placed in her lap. “I gave it a lot of thought.” Nancy informed her. Y/N hummed, turning her head to look at Nancy, waiting for her to continue, but she didn’t.

 “And?”  

 “And I am ready to come out to our friends and my mom, but I just don’t know about telling them about us.” Nancy slowly let her eyes flirt up to look at Y/N, avoiding eye contact despite being glued to her face. Y/N nodded, pulling her face away from the girl, looking off towards the wall in front of her. The lump returned, blocking her airway.  

 “Okay, may I ask why you don’t want to tell them about us?” She wondered, trying to keep her watering eyes from developing into tears. Her heart sinking to the bottom of her feet. 

 “I don’t really know, it’s just that this is good - what we have is good.” Nancy tried to explain.

 “Can I ask if you feel scared to tell people about us?” Y/N once again wondered, not wanting to push Nancy into doing something she didn’t want to, but also wanting to be happy in a relationship. She wanted to be with Nancy, but if Nancy wasn’t willing to consider the option of telling someone about their relationship, Y/N wasn’t sure she would be happy in the relationship.  

 “No, of course not,” Nancy defended honestly, slumping when she realized that she would have to expose the real reason to Y/N. “I just don’t want anything to change. I like how this is going and I don’t want to let the world at what we have, it’s too tender and too soft for the world.”  

  “If what we have is too soft for the world then it’s doomed because even hidden behind a curtain of secrecy, our relationship still had to stand the test of the world,” Y/N told her, still not looking towards the slack-jawed girl. “Look, Nancy, the world will get to us, maybe even more if we keep this a secret. Change is inevitable, it will get us either way.”  

 “I get that, but for right now, we can protect this from the world for just a bit longer!” Nancy cried, trying to prove her point. Y/N shook her head, turning her watery eyes to look at Nancy. 

 “Don’t you see it, Nance? This right here,” She gestured around the room and between them. “This fight, this argument that we’re having. This is the world getting at we have. And as much as I respect your desire to stay a secret, I just can’t be happy in a secret relationship that has no signs of becoming public at all.”  

 “So you want to break-up?” Nancy’s question was so similar to the one she asked the other day and she wished that Y/N’s answer would be the same as it was that time. Nancy let out a breath when Y/N shook her head.

 “No, I don’t want to break-up, but I want to know that eventually, we will tell our friends at least because I love you and I want to hold your hand, I don’t want to pretend to be just friends in front of everyone. I love you Nancy Wheeler and I want to show you that I love you in front of our friends because it kills me to hear them asking you if you’ve met anyone and for you to tell them no.” Y/N ranted, her eyes darting away from Nancy’s once again.  

 Nancy sat there, her world shattering around her at the words Y/N spoke to her. “You love me?” Nancy whispered, hoping that Y/N didn’t mean those words.

 “Yeah,” Y/N whispered back, her body riddled with anxiety. She could hear Nancy swallow from the deafening silence blanketing the room. Y/N’s tongue darted out to wet her lips nervously, waiting for Nancy to say something. “If you don’t want to say it back, it’s fine. Really, and it’s okay that you don’t want to tell people about us, but I just want you to tell me that there is a chance of us telling people about us before I fall any deeper.”  

 Nancy watched the glistening tear roll down Y/N’s cheek, a ball forming in her throat and a suffocating weight being placed on her chest. “I-I don’t know,” Nancy stuttered out, standing from the couch, her purse dangling from her fingers. “I need to go and think more, I guess I wasn’t ready for this yet, I’m sorry, Y/N,” She rushed out. Y/N stood, her heart falling from Nancy’s hands and splattering on the carpeted floor under their feet. “I’ll call you when I’ve figured it out, okay?” Nancy fled to the door, yanking it open and darting to her car before Y/N could even get to the front door herself. 

 “Wait, Nancy,” Y/N called, scrambling onto the porch, watching as the girl she loved slid into a Station Wagon. “Where does this leave us?” Her voice echoed into the night, but it didn’t receive an answer. ____

  The weekend rolled around faster than Y/N wanted to. She had waited for so long for Nancy to come and talk to her, but her phone never rang nor did her doorbell. Y/N regretted a lot of things. The deep regret of bringing this up in the first place still grew in her stomach, the regret of saying that she loved her in the height of emotions piled on top of that to great a giant pile of regret. 

 Nancy on the other hand was high strung. Her mind ran a mile a minute. Her thoughts were all occupied by Y/N. The way her touch made her feel, the way her smile lit up the world, the beautiful melody that was her laugh. Before, she wasn’t sure why she wanted to keep the beautiful relationship between them a secret, but it came to her suddenly. She was scared, scared of having this relationship fail too. She had fallen out of love with Steve easily when Jonathan crept his way into her heart then she fell out of love with Jonathan due to the struggles of long-distance. When Y/N had uttered those words to her, it re-enforced that fear, but also made it clear that Nancy was once again free falling. She couldn’t escape her feelings, they were there and they needed to be tended to.  The doorbell to the Wheeler household rang through the still house, jolting Nancy out of her thoughts. It was Y/N without a doubt, the others were already piled in the basement waiting for the movie night to begin. Swallowing thickly, Nancy chewed on her bottom lip. She stood from her bed, rushing down the stairs when she heard her mom greeting Y/N with excitement. She always loved Y/N. “Y/N,” Nancy exclaimed, stopping on the turn of the stairs. Y/N snapped her head up at the call of her name as did Mrs. Wheeler. “Could I talk to you in my room for a second?” She nodded her head up the stairs, her eyes pleading.  

 “Yeah, of course, Nancy.” Y/N nodded, her voice full of worry and nerves. She was convinced that Nancy was going to break up with her. That this would be the end to Nancy and Y/N. Mrs. Wheeler sent her daughter a wink and a smile, causing Nancy’s cheeks to flush, but Y/N was too wrapped up in her mind to notice it.  The walk to Nancy’s room was short, but right now it felt like the length of Indiana itself. The silence between them was absolutely stifling. Nancy closed the door behind them, not missing the way Y/N moved to the other side of the room - putting as much distance between them as she could. 

  “Hi.” Nancy breathed, turning to face the silent girl. Y/N blinked, obviously filled with anxiety.  

 “You wanted to talk to me?” Y/N reminded, her hands slipping into the pockets of her denim jacket. Nancy cleared her throat, nodding. She took a few hesitant steps towards Y/N, not too many that she made her feel uncomfortable, but enough for her to get closer. From there, she was able to catch a whiff of Y/N’s calming scent from the spring breeze rolling in from the open window. Nancy took the chance to breathe it in, having missed it for the past few days.  

 “Yeah, I realized something while we were apart,” Nancy paused, looking down as she fiddled with her fingers. “I realized a lot actually and I’m not really sure where to start-”  

 “Just start where it feels natural, let your gut choose.” Y/N offered, making Nancy look up at her. The last rays of the sun shining through the window, creating a glow around her, making her look like an angel. Nancy lost her thoughts as she gazed upon her, the hues of pink and orange glowing off her skin, looking like a painting you would find in the Le Louvre.  

 “You mean everything to me,” She exhaled, startled that it had slipped out of her mouth. “Oh wow, okay, guess we are going with that first,” She admitted bashfully, dropping her head to face the carpet to hide the blush dusting her cheeks from Y/N. “I love you Y/N, so much and the reason I ran after you said that was because you were right, right about me being scared,” She sucked a breath in, trying to keep all the mustered up confidence that she had in her. “I was scared of those words, scared of yet another failed relationship and that’s why I was so against us telling people.”  

 “And what about now,” Y/N stepped one step closer, feeling hopeful. “Are you still scared?”  

 Nancy shook her head gently. “A little, but I’m more excited to see where this goes if you still love me.”  

 “Of course I still love you! It would take an awful lot for me not to love you,” Y/N smiled, taking a few more steps towards Nancy. Nancy took two steps, the two meeting in the center of the room, face to face. Their mouths were both stretched into large smiles, matching blushes painting their cheeks as they held each other. “You mean everything to me.” She whispered, leaning her face closer to Nancy’s. Nancy giggled, closing the distance between them to press their lips together.  

 They both welcomed the taste of each other, missing it desperately. Warmth spread through Y/N’s body, feeling like every single nerve was alive with happiness from the touching of their lips. Pulling back from the tender kiss, Nancy still held Y/N tight to her. “I want to tell them.”  

 “Tell them that you like girls and guys?” Y/N questioned, not knowing that Nancy had come out yet. 

 “I already told my family that, they are very accepting, my dad was a bit cold, but mom talked to him,” Nancy told her as if it wasn’t a big deal, but the growth of her smile told Y/N otherwise. “I want to tell them about us. I am pretty sure my mom already knows, I think she knew before I came out, but I want to tell our friends. Tonight.”  

 “Are you sure, I don’t want you to think that you have to do that in order for me to stay with you because I’ll stay with you regardless.” Y/N worried, not wanting to pressure Nancy into anything she didn’t want to do. 

 “I want to, I think it’d be a good baby step for us to slowly not be a secret anymore.” Nancy confirmed, pulling away from Y/N, but keeping one of her hands tightly in her grasp, her eyes twinkling with pure happiness. 

 “Only if you’re sure. You can take the reins on this one in case you change your mind, okay?” Nancy ignored this, pulling Y/N towards the door and into the hall, her fingers intertwining with Y/N’s absent-mindedly. Their hearts beat wildly in their chests as they rushed down the main stairs and dashed to the basement door. The room was already dark, the only light being from the blue screen coming from the TV, the VCR already prepped for the movie night.  

 “ ‘Bout time you two got down here.” Dustin grumbled from his spot on the floor next to Mike. 

 “Sorry, but we had to discuss something that we want to share with you guys,” Nancy could barely contain her excitement as she shared a giddy, love-struck look with Y/N. The group looked at her, Steve and Robin sitting on the couch with their feet propped up on the middle cushion. Max and Lucas sat on the floor with their backs pressed against the couch. “We’re dating, have been for almost a year.” They looked back at the group to see them all sharing looks.

“So,” Mike spoke up, as they all turned to look at the two girls again. “We already knew that. For a while now.” 

 “Wait, what?” Nancy sputtered, her eyes wide, her mouth falling open in shock.  

 “For starters, you guys are not discrete at all.” Steve broke the news, tossing a piece of popcorn into his mouth. Nancy scoffed, rolling her eyes, muttering a small ‘says you’ under her breath, earning a whine from her ex-boyfriend.  

 “Secondly, you should see the way you two look at each other, it was so obvious that you guys were mad for each other,” Robin shrugged. “Now hurry up and sit down so we can start this movie, I’ve been itching to see it.” Robin ordered, pointing to the armchair that was conveniently the only chair left for them.  

 “And we thought this would be ground-breaking news,” Y/N chuckled, shaking her head as Nancy led her across the darkroom. Plunking down in the soft chair, Nancy pulled Y/N down to sit on her lap, but Y/N shimmied so that only her legs rested over Nancy’s lap. “I love you.” She hummed, snuggling into her girlfriend.  

 Nancy pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I love you too, Angel.”

[ptersparkers]

pope’s secret

summary: pope’s got a secret. 

warnings: typos, probably.

notes: yall need to hype up pope more like you do with the other white boys.

When Pope tells you to hold his hand while you’re trying to balance on a shallow piece of concrete, you don’t think much of it. You’re too busy trying not to fall, deciding your ego wasn’t as important as keeping your shins nice and clean. The bottom of your Converse is hitting the hot concrete and you can feel the heat from underneath the soles, but you don’t care. It’s a nice, sunny day out and you would be damned if you were inside the Chateau with minimal air conditioning, if anything. 

His hands are surprisingly soft. This is the last thing you think about before giving up on trying to balance yourself. Pope laughs at your attempt and holds onto your hand when you step off of the makeshift balance beam and he holds on to you until you pull your hand away. You miss the delighted grin on his face when you tell him you’re happy he came outside with you despite the sweltering North Carolinian heat. 

In all honesty, the Pogues never cared much about keeping secrets and it felt like the lot knew more about each other than they did about themselves. You knew everything there was to know about the rest of the group and they could say the same for you if someone were to have asked. The Pogues prided themselves in their ability to never keep secrets to avoid a major rift in the friend group because that was the last thing they wanted.

But Pope has a secret. He keeps it in a drawer hidden behind thoughts that consume him daily and he tries not to think about it unless he’s alone, if at all. Pope’s always trying to brave a smile and find new hiding places in his mind when he can feel this secret crawl to the tip of his tongue, ready for the secret to be spilled. His secret is that he likes you more than a friend. 

When you look extra beautiful on a particular day or you say something profound that makes his eyes widen with interest, he has to breath to keep himself in check. Pope tries to clear his throat and make it look like he was coughing when he wants to think of anything but your lips on his. His mind races and his gaze focuses on anything that isn’t in your vicinity because he doesn’t want to give himself away. 

Pope think he likes you because you took the time to understand him. Out of everyone in the group, he always felt closest to you and he knew it was a matter of time before his feelings graduated from platonic to romantic. 

He can remember the instance when he first felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest if he wasn’t able to kiss you. You were tired and JJ had convinced you to smoke his joint a few times after you expressed interest in trying it for the first time. None of the Pogues could tell if it was because you had an eight hour shift at The Wreck, the joint, or both, but you were so out of it to the point where JJ had to physically hold you up to keep you from falling while your eyes were drooping. 

Pope looked at you with adoration and loved the way your cheeks became red as the heat of the air seemed to increase. He watched as your cheek pressed against JJ’s shoulder, your face scrunching into an adorable pout when you realized he wasn’t going to carry you to the spare bedroom. Pope volunteered and JJ stood still until he was able to successfully carry you into the bedroom, which both he and JJ were happy to let you occupy. 

Your lips were plump and Pope fantasized about stealing a kiss, but only when he knew you felt the same. In that moment, he tucked you under the comforter and promised to be there in the morning when you woke up. 

He sat with his thoughts that night on the couch as Kiara went back to her house while John B. and JJ shared his room; he liked the way you looked at him if the others spoke over him. He liked to think you were encouraging him to continue talking and his heart always felt like it was beating faster than it should’ve been. He notices that your mind doesn’t wander when he talks about his academic studies and you never make jokes about him being the “mathlete” stereotype. You sit with interest and your eyes don’t gloss over any detail. When you’re around, he feels confident enough to tell the full story, not just a summary. 

But that night, he decided he would never disclose his feelings for you to anyone in fear of ruining the friendship all of them had dedicated time into building. 

You and JJ share the same personality and Pope think she doesn’t stand a chance against the blond that girls can’t seem to get enough of. He never noticed the amount of time you two spent together but started to put together just how often you two hung out if you weren’t with the Pogues and how often you two would sit by each other when you were. Pope tried not to be jealous and tried to remind himself that you hung out with John B. alone as well, but he couldn’t shake the lingering feeling off of his shoulders that seemed adamant to make him feel anxious about a potential rejection if he were ever to tell you about his feelings for you.

The man sat with his mouth shut one day when he realized you and JJ were late to the Chateau. Kiara tried to console him, upon learning his feelings, but even she had to admit you were spending more time with JJ than usual. JJ was at your place if he wasn’t in the Chateau or you’d be int he van with him, off to the beach to catch a wave at sunrise. 

Pope’s heart began to falter when he realized he might lose you, and the idea of the two of you. to JJ. His daydream about being in a healthy relationship with you was slipping from his grasp and he didn’t know if he wanted a last first kiss or not. He could feel his heart clench when you two arrived and when you had barely looked at Pope before dashing to the spare bedroom with JJ. Neither of you had said more than a meek “hello” with a wave before disappearing around the corner and Kiara gave pope her most hopeful eyes. But there was no hope. 

Until Pope decided to approach the guest bedroom. 

“You’re not a loser,” JJ reassured. Pope couldn’t see anything and his back was flat against the wall beside the threshold. “You’re just someone who doesn’t know how to confront their feelings.”

“Is this supposed to make me feel any better?” you asked. Pope could hear the sarcasm drip from your tone and grinned to himself. 

“Shut up,” JJ said, which made Pope think he rolled your eyes. There was always an ounce of sarcastic humor between the two of you. “You’re the person he trusts the most. I know I’m shit at this ‘love’ stuff but I know Pope and I know you. I can’t imagine two better people dating.” 

Pope’s heart was caught in his chest and his eyes widened at JJ’s remark. He heard you sigh and hadn’t dared to let out a breath as he waited for your response. 

“What do I say? How do I tell him that I’ve been in love with him since we were twelve and that I’d do anything to make sure he gets the future he deserves? I can’t even get the courage to hold his hand under the table, for Christ’s sake.” 

JJ saw Pope’s figure emerge from the doorway and Pope didn’t miss the grin that donned on JJ’s lips. The blond put his hands you on shoulders and turned you around, your eyes widening at the realization that Pope heard your confession. 

Wordlessly, JJ stepped around the two of you and left you to your wits and merits. Your eyes locked with Pope and you knew it would be useless to deny everything you had just said. The ball was in his court now and he knew it. 

Pope didn’t need to say anything. The feeling of his lips on yours and his hands around your waist told you everything you needed to know about how he felt about you.

***

taglist:

@ashyramblings-ficrecs @fanficscuziranout @caswinchester2000 @jellyfishbeansontoast @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @simpingforrudypankowonly @hi-my-name-is-riley @antoheartit @runway-to-my-aid @kayleypaige2233 @jroseron @mahleeyuh @decap-quadrant @deviouscharitos @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @wasabiwitteks @waywardbabie @parkerpetertingle @cheshirecat107 @ballerinafairyprincess @underratedmisfit @gardengirl-18 @letsgofullkook @thankfulfortimmy @voguesir @madzleigh01 @suhoey @yeslifeofateen @spn-marvel-nerd @outerbongs @cleverandwitty @onlyalittleteenwolfobsessed @scottish-sim @lonely--witch @thin-spiration-for-me @britnicole11 @Jessica-1120 @ilovejjmaybank @goodgodimaweirdperson @beckester @louiesfineline @jamielinnsmith @asmallhobbitruinedmylife @The_fifth_maruader @pogue-h @mfmaddyperez @sspidermanss @outerbankslove @bxbyyyjocelyn @jjsbxtch @rudethchalamet @srirachibi @shawnssongs @shoppingcarthappiness @calumbroutledge @jayjaymaebank @goldenhanna @harrysbbby @copper-boom @void-maybank @rudys-pankow @x-lulu @serrendipiity @storiesbymads @danicarosaline @allie-mcginn @thistreasurehunter @k-k0129 @annedub @urlocalbrochure @freeshavocadoooo @katiaw2 @ceestlaviemylove @wicked-laugh @kamcrazy123 @myrandom-fandomlife @clio-muse-of-histories @yeehaw87 @manip-maker @rudypankow-whore @iichydobrik @jjtheangel @httpstarkey @peqchyharts @myhead-myuniverse @normatural @vindictive-hearts @spycemilk @loveylangdon @mybrainiswhack @judayyyw @midnightmagicmusingsmain @jjsmaybitch @little-ms-awkward @obxmxybxnk @5am-cigarette @xinsonyax @gabbismith5 @heyitsmeimdead @fullpanicmode @girlsru1eboysdroo1 @o-b-x @iamaunicorn4704 @jj-maybabe @jjmaybangme @newhopenessie @the0uterbanks @llvinlavidaloca @ponyboys-sunsets @angvelics @lilpeekabooze @thatbloodymuggle @couldyouspeaklouder @apoguecalledjj @collectiveuniverses @starkeymarkey @crushes @goldenharryvol6 @teenwaywardasgardian @milamaybank @merchantjjreply @lustgardn @curlybrownhairedboys @booksandshish @ilymarkchan @ihatemyself21 @bailspogue @deathcompass @alternativehp @keepingupwiththepogues @kylosleftbuttcheek @stargazingstarkey @rafescameron @katrynec @ilovejjmaybank @teamnick @kiarascarreras @sunwardsss @fandomtravels @jeyramarie @honeybunchcalum @ughitslizz @sleepyhollands @adanielle8 @jeyramarie @paradigmax @whoseblogsthis @sweetlysilent @outerbanksbro @i-mmunity @extratragic @jjbaby @jj-bxby @jjmaybanksbaby @drewswannabegirl @letsgotothehop @sugarcoatedcalum @wiensrsoldier @serious-killer @karleeluv @jj-baebank @secretmoonphantom @outerbankslut @obxsummer @poguesrforlife @broken-jj @sortagaysortahigh @erraaxh @haharudy @kimxft @rubjeffo @hannahrisacher @family-buisnes @king-ronnoc @sexytholland @28cnn @maraseavey @jurassicjosie @bolaurel @perfektionsmakel @masintahin @everyonesababe @rudysmaybank @koufaxx @broken-jj @catieiscute2001 @blueflame2778 @rudths @reconcilereid @anonymous0writer @secretlyablueunicorn @outerbankspogue @starlightstarkey @bolditalicwriter @pcterparxer @olsenholic @rottencoregirl @writingwieny @psg-for-life @hollandlovely @poguesinablanket @figure-pogue @kiarasmaybank @xloue @bellaguarneri @localfangirlx @perfect-ginger-maniac @truulovee @just-a-bitchybisexual @littlelillylollipop @pankowrudeth @jjandreidsgirl @caringparker @obx-saltlife @eternalangst @poguelifesurfshop @poguestyleskye @haute-shawn @hmspxgue @molsypops @niccsal @curlypunk @sleeplessreader12 @itsmederyn @thecurlsofgod @allielozoya @b-groovyyy @blindedbyyourgrace17 @kt219567 @french-fries-bouquet @overly-b @hanistarsxx @thebookisbtr @wilddheartt @alytavzla @punkladymoes @hmspogueobx @brightcosmos @an-untamed-rose @addictofsupernatural @mediocrearistophanes @buckethatseason @laconic-eunoia @agentstarkid @sunflower-beauty @spideyvibez @meaganjm @yourstrulyzerotwo @r0s3mm @floretsoleil @flowersinvegas @unknown-user84 @jooorrdd @ethereallust@hufflepuff-always-and-forever @unfortunatekiwitrash @celestialmaybank @kayleea122 @mynmuses @trashmouthpogues @natalie-kate-98 @maraudersandco @millssssonline @vaswn @lindysti @casper17 @babyybesson @itsagurl @everyonesababe @kaitieskidmore1 @aesthetic-lyssa @crispywolftreeflower @yesp0ny @broken-jj @beth-winchester21 @diverdcwn @cozyshawn @pcterparxer @comphersjost @bbygrlsyd @lovelynerdytraveler @obbx-tings @m-a-d-e-l-i-n-e-e @jspamzlst @curlybrownhairedboys @jjshands @rachelfizzyhizzy @Phelisya @annmariek8 @outsider-at-hogwarts @Magcongirl52 @drewsstarkey @chocolaeth @damnobx @hoeforshows @lemur46 @honestlywtfisgoingon @beth-winchester21 @bruhjustdont @iknowwhatihavefound-blog @jillianwritesstories @sleepyhollands @Ggraciem @etherealtony @sofianunes10 @slytherinquill​ @invocacao-dos-unicornios @coloradogirl07 @no-shxt-sherl @maybankobx. 

[ikeromantic]

Fox Hunt

A Mitsuhide Akechi fanfic. This scene doesn’t really occur in Ch. 11 of the Romantic Route but it’s one I imagine happening a hair before. So, another between chapters scene! Yay! Approx. 1700 words. 

First: Mitsuhide and the Maiden

Previous: Interlude - Before the Hunt

Mitsuhide felt odd having a companion as he visited his informants, picked up letters and sent missives out to agents in the field. This was always a secretive space for him, one that even Kyubei only glimpsed - as needed. Now his little mouse tagged along beside him with her wide-eyed innocence. It made him feel . . . wary . . . in ways he never had before.

Was his contact at the Kyoto court making note of her? Had that street tough looked too long in her direction? Had she attracted too much attention when they stopped at a tea house to meet another of his spies? It left him on edge. Worried for her, worried because of her. And yet.

She had only to touch his arm, or say his name and he felt better. Besides, if they were apart, he thought, he’d only worry for her more. At least this way he knew the threats to her happiness and safety and he could deal with them.

“Mitsu, you’re frowning again.” The chatelaine pulled his attention from the door where two armed men stood, staring into the tea shop. 

“Am I?” Mitsuhide allowed himself a slight smile. “I’m afraid it’s the natural consequence of planning out this mission. But I will always have a smile for you.” He leaned over and kissed her forehead. 

She sighed. “You don’t have to force it. I am worried too, you know. Ashi-”

“Don’t use names,” he reminded her.

“R-right. Shark-eyes is out there somewhere, plotting revenge. Only we don’t know where or what. And it’s mostly just me and you to stop him. Feels kind of . . . overwhelming.”

Mitsuhide patted her hand. “I have some thoughts on that. We may have more allies than we think in this fight.” He stood. “I just realized I need to step out for a moment. I’ll be right back.” 

His little one looked up at him, clearly worried he would escape her. Silly girl. As if he could simply walk away. She didn’t protest though. Only nodded and looked down at her cup of tea. 

Out front, the two armed men smiled at Mitsuhide as he stepped out to join them. “Been hoping we’d run across you, kitsune.” One of them spoke while the other spat into the dirt. 

“To think you and I shared a hope. It is truly a frightening idea.” Mitsuhide gave them a thin-lipped smile. “But I believe our meeting today may yield benefits for us both.”

The man that spoke before drew a short blade from under his clothes, letting the edge catch the light. “I’m seeing this ending one way for you, and one for us. But I’ll make it quick and painless if-”

Mitsuhide didn’t let him finish the threat. He slammed a fist into the man’s side, his knuckles bruising against the thug’s ribs. He held the other at bay with a swift kick to his knee, sending him into the dirt beside his spittle. 

The two men gasped in pain and surprise. 

“I don’t need tricks to deal with you,” Mitsuhide sighed, wiping his hands on his cloak. “Now put that blade away before I stab you with it. I have an offer that I think will please your captain more than bringing him my head.” It took only a few moments to outline his idea for the thugs. It was light on detail and heavy on speculation, but then, Mouri wasn’t known for his focus on the details. He could only hope his offer would capture Motonari’s interest. 

They limped off when he finished, a little ‘gift’ in hand. Mitsuhide found that flattery and a bit of gold always got further than raw brutality when dealing with minions. Usually a combination of the two was effective.

He went back in and sat down beside his little one. 

“Your hair got mussed,” she smiled. And gently fixed it with her fingers. “Did you have a nice walk?”

Mitsuhide nodded. “I was able to sort some ideas I’ve had. Are you done with your snack?”

She tipped back the last bit of tea and popped a rice cracker into her mouth. “I’m done now.”

“Then we have an appointment to get to.” Which wasn’t much of an appointment since the servants at Ashikaga’s Kyoto manor had no idea they were coming.

The estate was busy with cleaning and packing, putting away the finery that was only used when the shogun was in residence. The servants watched anxiously as Mitsuhide and the chatelaine entered. 

“Are we supposed to be here?” 

“I don’t see why not,” Mitsuhide replied. “I am, afterall, in the shogun’s employ.”

“You were but . . . Honno-ji?”

He waved her objection off. “I doubt he came back here to personally inform the servants of my employment status. Though I’m sure our presence will not make them happy.”

They made their way past the audience hall and into the private rooms. It was here that they were finally stopped by one of the vassals. An educated scribe, probably barely out of his teens, thin as a twig and pale from too much indoor work. But even so, he stood in the middle of the hall and faced Mitsuhide. 

“A-Akechi, you - you aren’t allowed in the - the lord’s study. He w-wouldn’t want you there.” The scribe shook and stuttered as he spoke, clearly terrified.

“Is that so, Riku? Do you think you know what Ashikaga wants?” Mitsuhide smiled at the scribe as if he really were a satori from the stories. “No. You don’t know, but you hope. You hope that if you stop me like this, in front of the other servants, that Ashikaga will notice you. Elevate you.” 

He took a step closer to the shivering vassal. “You imagine yourself a head scribe. Perhaps wedded to one of Yoshiaki’s cousins or nieces. You imagine yourself proud. But you know that all of this is only your fantasy. That Ashikaga will never notice anything you do, nor appreciate it. So tell me, Riku, do you really want to stand between me and what I want?”

“N-no.” Riku bent his head and stepped aside, pressing his back against the wall as if to sink into it. 

Mitsuhide patted the scribe on the head. “You are smarter than you credit yourself for.” Then he brushed past and into Yoshiaki’s inner rooms. 

“You’re really scary when you do stuff like that,” his little mouse whispered. “Like you just pulled the thoughts right out of his head.”

“More like right off his face.” Mitsuhide bent to look through the shogun’s desk. It had already been cleaned out, completely. He searched for any kind of hidden latch or secret compartment. There were two - but both as empty as the rest. 

While he searched, the chatelaine went to chat up the servants. She was quite good at it too. With her easy smile and kind laugh. By the time he finished going over Yoshiaki’s office and bedroom, she was sitting in the kitchen with Riku and four other house servants, commiserating. 

Mitsuhide listened from the hall as she drew out their stories of what it was like to serve the shogun. A cold man that gave no praise, only punishment. These were not happy vassals, but rather frightened victims of Ashikaga’s whims. One after another recounted tales of his cruelty. One maid nearly beaten to death for a dusty scroll. Another with a scar for letting the tea cool. Riku’s arms were covered in scars from his ‘training.’ But perhaps this too could be useful. 

The kitsune warlord finally came in, once it seemed the well of sorrows had run dry for today. “Come, my little mouse. I wasn’t able to find anything of use.”

Riku stood, still shaking a bit. “My lord -”

The chatelaine interrupted, tugging Mitsuhide’s arm so that he turned to look. “They’re worried that if Ashikaga hears you got in and out without a fight, he’ll have them killed or punish their families.”

Better and better, Mitsuhide thought. “I will do what I can to protect you,” he told them. “But you must do two things. First - you must continue to work for the shogun as you always have.”

Riku and the maids nodded. “Of course, but h-how does that h-help us?”

“By bringing me to my second requirement. You must trust me. Completely.” Mitsuhide watched them squirm beneath his golden gaze. 

It was the maids that agreed first, giving him low bows. Riku was the last to accede, with his voice trembling and his bow unsteady. 

Mitsuhide smiled. “Excellent. The first thing you will trust me with is the names and locations of your family - those the shogun would have ready access to.”

“Aren’t you going to ask us w-where he’s gone to?” Riku stuttered the question out.

“No. None of you were given his destination, so there is no point.”

“H-how did y-you-”

The chatelaine patted Riku’s arm. “He does that to me all the time.”

It took a few hours for his little mouse to scribe down the names while Mitsuhide and Riku set about constructing a fake battle at the gates. It was all quite convincing, and to make it stick, Mitsu gave the scribe a black eye. Altogether, nicely done. 

It was almost sunset when the two of them left, following the road to the west out of Kyoto. 

“Why did you have me take down these names,” his little one asked. 

“I haven’t decided yet,” he told her. Which was only half the truth. He’d need to send agents to each of the estates specified, with gold and promises - that was the half he knew he would do. The second part still had too many unknowns to disclose, but when it came together . . .

The chatelaine leaned her head against his arm. “It feels good to be traveling together again, no matter where it is we’re headed. But I do wish we could finish shark-eyes off quick.”

“Oh? Are you delaying your very important plans for my little mission?” Mitsuhide teased her with a too-sweet tone.

She smacked his arm, giggling. “No - not exactly. I was just thinking I can’t wait to have you all to myself. Without worrying about assassinations and plots and murderous shoguns . . .”

“Ah. Well, if that’s your definition of having me all to yourself, it may never come true.”

“Maybe not, but a girl has to have some goals in life.” She smiled up at him and Mitsuhide found himself agreeing with her. It did sound like a nice life. A peaceful one.

He stopped long enough to give her a light kiss on the lips. A taste of that impossible future.

Next: An Uncertain Alliance

[talesofphantombandits]

Zero to Six ~ Going Underground - Edited Version. Part 3.

Characters: Four X Zero (OC) Summary: Zero was the first person to be ‘saved’ by One, she was his first honorary Ghost. Her knowledge in tech meant she got the role of ‘Hacker’ she recruited new team members, looked for missions and locations and made sure every security measure was looked at. You know normal hacker spy stuff. But her tough up bringing meant that if needs be she could fight, she was maybe even better than some people on the team knew. But due to One’s protectiveness over her she had to stay hidden, she was more of an actual ghost than the rest of the team was. This didn’t mean she couldn’t have her fun though, over the months of being with the full team she had formed quite a passionate love/ hate relationship with the handsome Four. Who knows what sparks would fly if they were ever to meet. Warnings: Slight swearing, some suggestive flirting in later chapters.

Tagg list: (I know this is a edit of my original story but if anyone wants to be tagged let me know.) @raylan-c​

Zero to Six ~ Part 1. Edited Version. Materlist. ​

​​

It was exactly one month after Zero had last seen One in her flat, she had flown back home two days after the incident and hadn’t heard from him since. Apart from tickets emailed to her for Las Vegas and a hotel room that she assumed was where their next mission was going to be. 

She’d flown out to Vegas a few days back, part of her was glad that she hadn’t had to converse with him. She was still incredibly upset that just the thought of hearing his voice nearly put her into a fit of rage. She kept all contact to a minimum while throwing herself fully into her research, she’d only kept in regular contact with Three and Five, although Four would randomly drop in to annoy her. 

She’d woken up at about 10am, she hopped out of bed only for the purpose of making food. Once the pancakes had finished cooking she hopped back into the comfort of her bed and opened her laptop, she went back and forth eating and doing research. The next time she found herself looking at the clock it was 12:30pm, it took all of her will power to drag herself back out of bed to put her plate and utensils in the dishwasher and then into the bathroom for a shower. When she reemerged from the steaming room she was greeted by the ding that signalled she had a email. 

She opened it and the first thing that caught her attention was that it was from One. Sighing she knew that she couldn’t ignore it, for it might have been something really important. 

‘Meet me at the Golden Cafe down the street at 17:00 sharp, make sure to wear something that won’t draw attention to you. Wear a black cap.  P.s Remember don’t say anything the others about this. -One.’

‘Don’t wear anything that will draw attention to you.’ who the hell did One think she was? She really had to calm herself down before she went to meet him. If this meeting was going to go well, she would have to have a level head around him.

“Ah Zero, you’re online. To be fair I should have guessed as you’re always online.” She slightly jumped as Fours deep voice burst through the speakers. 

“Jesus Four.” She put a hand over her heart to calm herself down. 

He started to laugh. “Did I startle you darling?” She huffed and plopped down on the bed next to her laptop so she could connect the earpiece and speak to him properly. 

“No, I just wasn’t concentrating fully that’s all.” She glanced at the time again, It was still early she furrowed her brow confused. “What are you doing up so early anyway? I thought you always stayed up late doing dodgy stuff on the internet?” 

He just scoffed at her in disbelief. “Excuse me darling, but who do you take me for?” 

“She’s not wrong though is she? I think I’ve accidentally walked in on you enough times to say that, that is the truth.” Two chimed in, to which Four immediately started up his defence. 

Zero just laid back in her bed and basked in the happiness that was, to her a family argument. 

Four had the last word though. “Oh shut up Two! I bet you’ve seen worse, Wait a second How do you know what I’m doing on a night?” 

Zero all but gasped. “Is that a confession Four? And I might have to carry out routine security checks on the bases internet. Which means looking through some of your histories.” 

“Jesus woman.” 

She couldn’t help but giggle at how worried Four sounded, knowing that she could see everything he searched on the internet. “Look I’m just doing my job, I’m just keeping everyone safe.” 

“But you’re basically stalking me.” Four hissed. 

Zero clicked her tongue. “Did you not hear me sweetie? I HAVE to look into your history for security reasons. Don’t get all shy on me now Four, plus your history isn’t even the spiciest.” 

“So who’s the worst then?” 

She laughed, like she was going to tell him that. “That sir, I can’t disclose.” 

“You’re no fun Zero, I thought we told each other everything.” She could hear the pout in his voice and she wished she could see his adorable face. 

“Oh we tell each other everything do we?” She laughed. “Then how come I didn’t know you had a marking kink?” 

“LISTEN STOP STALKING ME! I SWEAR TO GOD ZERO! JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I’L-” Just like that she cut off the coms laughing hysterically at Fours outburst. 

Looking to the clock she noticed that she just had enough time to change and dry her hair before she had to make her way to the cafe.

When she finally made it to the cafe she spotted One straight away, he was stood by the counter. When they made eye contact he ushered her to follow him to the furthest booth in the back of the shop. 

“Why did we meet here? Why didn’t you just come up to the hotel room?” She whispered as she sat down by the side of him.

“Because I’m here, and he doesn’t want me to know where he’s keeping you.” Zero’s head shot up to the second voice, she looked at one expecting him to instantly tell her who this other woman was.

But her brain finally caught up to her and it registered the accent. “Five?” She said in disbelief.

She quickly snapped back to One who seemed more interested in the phone in his hand then on the meeting. “I thought you said I couldn’t tell the others about this?”  

“He asked me to help you get ready for tonight.” Five had now moved around the back of One’s chair and took a seat. 

“Tonight?” Zero’s brows furred in confusion. “You mean the mission is tonight?” 

“Yes.” One said still more immersed in his phone, It was starting to piss her off. “Did I not mention that in the email this morning?” 

Zero gritted her teeth. “No, you made no mention that a big mission, not to mention my first ever mission would be tonight.” 

Finally he peered up from his phone to see Zero angrily staring him down. “Okay look.” Finally the phone landed on the table. “It’s simple really, You’re going to be working as a bartender. Which luckily for you, you already have experience in. Serve drinks to anyone that comes up to the bar, start conversations, ask questions but most importantly listen to the conversations around you. People get drunk at these things and spill shit that their not suppose to, and so the rest of the team aren’t suspicious your coms will be off when you start your shift.”

“What will you tell them? Isn’t it going to be more suspicious that I’m not at the end of coms?” She looked between One and Five. 

“It’s not really a tech based mission, I’ll just say I gave you the night off.” He shrugged. 

“What about the others? Where will they be?” By that she meant where would Four be, but she wasn’t going to outright say that, not in front of One at least.

“Two and Three have their own little mission in the hotel, Seven will be taking a backseat and Four and Five will be working the floor in the club you’ll be serving.” She looked to Five at the mention of Four, her eyes lit up. “AH! Don’t even think about it, off limits Zero.” 

She just scoffed at him, he acted like he was her real father sometimes. “As if I didn’t know that already, I’m not a child One. I can handle myself.” 

“Yeah well I’m trusting you, don’t fuck this up Zero. Five has everything prepared for you she’s going to leave first, you wait twenty minutes then follow her to the hotel. Room 374, she’ll get you ready for tonight.” 

One got up from his seat without a single sound, he nodded at both the women and then headed for the door.  It wasn’t until he was out of sight that Zero looked over at Five, they just smiled at each other. With all the information she had just consumed she hadn’t even stopped to think that she was actually in the presence of one of her family members, one that wasn’t One!

“This is crazy.” 

Five just smiled at her, a genuinely beautiful smile that Zero couldn’t help but return. “It’s so nice to finally put a face to the voice.” She looked down at her watch and sighed. “We shouldn’t do this here though, I’m going to leave now I’ll meet you at the hotel. Room 374 remember.” 

“Got it! I’ll meet you there.” She couldn’t stop smiling as Five got up and waved her goodbye. 

The twenty minutes she waited to follow Five were the longest twenty minutes she’d ever had to wait in her life, it seemed to drag on she was so nervous she had to physically hold her knee down to stop her leg from shaking. 

The walk to the hotel didn’t take too long and she reached the lobby in no time, she put on the dark cap paired with some black shades. Nothing too out of the ordinary but it kept her face hidden none the less.  Once she walked inside she was in awe, she’d never seen the inside of such an expensive and vast hotel. It was absolutely beautiful, she dreaded to think what a room would cost in this place. As she walked further in she lowered her glasses to get a better look at the foyer her eyes were glued to the ceiling so she didn’t know she was on a collision path with a tall beefy guy who was looking down at his phone until they hit one another and she nearly went flying. Luckily he had reacted in time and broke her fall, though her glasses weren’t so lucky. 

She got up and brushed herself off. “God I’m so sorry mami!” Her head shot up at the familiar voice. 

Staring back at her was Three, she quickly had to remind herself who she was and where she was. “No problem, I think we were both at fault, I was mesmerised by the ceiling and you by your phone.” The first accent that came to mind was an Irish one, so she went with it. 

He just nodded in agreement and gave her a lopsided smile. “Ah! here, you dropped these.” He bent down and handed her back her sunglasses. 

“Thanks, sorry again.” She smiled at him one last time then scurried off to the elevators. 

Once she was secured and alone in the metal box she let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding, and sighed. This was going to be one hell of a long night.  Her thoughts were interrupted when the elevator dinged, she rushed down the hall and knocked hurriedly on the door labelled 374. She had no intentions of bumping into anyone else, not even a second later Five opened the door and Zero rushed inside.

“Woah, what happened? Are you okay?” Zero moved to the couch in the room and laid down, burrowing her face in her hands. 

“I just accidentally bumped into Three downstairs.” She sided eyed Five who looked at her in shock. “Don’t worry I don’t think he knew who I was, I put on an Irish accent. Don’t tell One though he’ll probably pull me from the mission if he finds out.” 

Before Five could even respond to her, Zero took notice of her laptop and ear piece on the table in front of her when it started to crackle. “Hey party people, are we all ready for tonight? It’s a shame I won’t get to hear your beautiful voice in my ear tonight Zero, can’t believe that One has actually given you the night off.” 

She reached out and took the earpiece. “Don’t be too sad Four, at least you’ll be able to actually concentrate on this mission.” She looked up at Five who was just giggling, It was so strange to actually be in the same room as her. Zero smiled, she could get use to this. 

“Who I’m I going to piss off tonight though?” She could practically hear the pout in his voice. 

“I’m sure you’ll find some beautiful girl to have on your arm and piss off the entire night.” She felt sad just thinking about it. “Well good luck team, do me proud! and don’t miss me too much.” She shut the communication line down before he could respond. 

She looked up to Five as she shut the laptop and took out her ear piece, placing it on top of the laptop. She wouldn’t be needing that now for the rest of the night.

“You okay?” Five gave her a sad smile.

Zero forced herself to look completely unphased. “I’m fine, let’s go get ready.” 

.....

Zero stood at the bar, Five had dressed her in black skinny jeans paired with some black Doc Marten boots, a black silk button up and a deep green velvet waistcoat. She wore a dark black wig that came down to her chest and flowed in light curls, her makeup was smoky to match the uniform. She looks professional. The venue was dark, with moody but classy lighting which meant she blended right in.  The bartender role came naturally to Zero, before she was a ghost she had worked in a small bar for about two years before everything had kicked off, the events of which led her here. 

She started the shift by just cleaning up glasses, serving mostly already drunk customers and listening to every word of every conversation. About five minutes early she had spotted Five enter the room with a rich looking man on her arm, she’d caught Zero’s eye from across the room and winked at her which put her at ease. 

Suddenly the air in the room shifted, she couldn’t explain it but her eyes were drawn to the entrance of the club. A man walked in, his blonde hair was slicked back on the top but the sides where shaven. A tight black tux hugged his body, Zero wished she could picture this moment for the rest of her life, butterflies started to stir in her stomach.

It was Four. 

[artificialqueens]

I Don't Know How I Know (But I Know) (Taywhora) - Ortega

fic summary: Tayce and A’whora have been friends for three years and the joke around school is that they’re joined at the hip. They started working there at the same time and they were both given the year two classes, so they planned together, filled out their assessment folders together and prepped for parent’s evenings together.

Tayce and A’whora have been friends for three years and Tayce has been a little bit in love with her for two of them.

(in which Tayce teaches year five, A'whora teaches Reception, Tayce hates Valentine’s day, and A'whora has a plan to change that.)

a/n: with thanks to my co-author, Lawrence Chaney. title from Intuition by LIZ, please listen to it it’s a vibe. happy valentine’s day everyone xo

***

Tayce has heard people say that teaching is a form of acting. She thinks this is true, for the most part. After all, there’s no way in hell she teaches her year fives the same way she would act around her friends.

She pretends she doesn’t know the TikTok dance to Savage Love and fakes ignorance at the memes her kids all communicate in. She’s impatient with her class when they run in the corridor and chew gum (because they’re almost the oldest in the school, and they should know better) but she’s patient when they struggle with area and perimeter and brings her chair over to sit beside whoever’s confused to explain it all again. She’s strict- she gets the girls passing notes to each other into trouble as if she didn’t do the exact same with her friends at the age of ten- and she’s built up a reputation for being one of the teachers that doesn’t take any shit. She expects a lot from the children she teaches, knows they’re a blank canvas and that they’ve got the potential to understand things that some adults struggle with, so she teaches them about racism, homophobia and transphobia, makes it part of her everyday teaching as opposed to one milquetoast lesson about Martin Luther King per year.

Some of the parents fucking hate her for it. She’d be lying if she said that wasn’t one of her favourite parts of the job.

It takes a lot for her not to drop that persona sometimes. When she has to tear through one of her boys for muttering “ah shit, here we go again” as she hands out a worksheet on direct and indirect speech instead of bursting out laughing as if it’s one of the funniest things she’s heard in years, which it is. It’s times like that when she wishes she could be more like A’whora.

A’whora with the blonde hair and the Disney-princess smile who teaches Reception. A’whora who does silly voices for all the characters when she’s reading picture books to her class and who sits and does colouring-in with them when they’re playing. A’whora who’s too nice to them all because she thinks they’re too cute to discipline, but her class love her so their behaviour is good regardless.

(A’whora with the completely inappropriate nickname only disclosed to Tayce five mojitos deep on the staff Christmas night out, which she’d earned herself at uni via her reputation. Tayce hadn’t asked for any further details.)

Tayce has never seen a teacher better suited to the youngest class in the school than A’whora. She’s constantly got specks of glitter on her face from the crafts she completes with them, she hums the silly little songs she uses to teach them their sounds when she’s at the photocopier without even realising. She turns up to work in immaculate outfits and finishes the day with them covered in glue, marker pen, and even (horrifically) a child’s snot once, but she doesn’t even mind, simply zips them up into little bodybags and puts them in for dry cleaning.

Tayce is never done telling her how she could never do what she does, she could never teach the little ones; her patience would snap, she’s too mean for them, she’d get bored having to teach the most basic of basic stuff. A’whora only ever brushes her off and says how she couldn’t teach Tayce’s year group either; they’d eat her alive, they’d walk all over her, she wouldn’t even be able to do the complicated maths she’d have to teach. Besides, she argues, drawing a glare from Tayce every time, she’s definitely goofy enough for the Reception kids.

Tayce and A’whora have been friends for three years and the joke around school is that they’re joined at the hip. They started working there at the same time and they were both given the year two classes, so they planned together, filled out their assessment folders together and prepped for parent’s evenings together. They worked well together, so when their headteacher sent them to opposite ends of the school Tayce almost had a meltdown. Still, they sit next to each other in the staffroom and at every staff meeting. They take turns making each other lunch every day and walk to the roll shop to get toasties every Friday. Tayce walks down from her classroom to come and sit in A’whora’s at the end of every day and they chat and bitch and sometimes cry and get absolutely nothing done for at least forty minutes. A’whora picks her up on the way to work every morning and terrifies Tayce with her bad driving and the way she almost causes road traffic accidents with only a “whoopsie!” of acknowledgement, but she’ll make up for it by taking them through the Starbucks drive-thru if they’ve got a meeting after school that night. She blasts songs by artists Tayce has never heard of but are all in the same energetic, poppy, Y2K-esque genre that A’whora seems to love.

Tayce and A’whora have been friends for three years and Tayce has been a little bit in love with her for two of them.

***

A’whora’s friends tease her and tell her that teaching five year olds must be the easiest job in the world. A’whora loves her friends, but she fucking resents them when they come out with that shite.

A’whora knows that she herself is not the brightest crayon in the box. She had known that she’d never be one of the girls in her year at high school that went off to study medicine or law, and she’d known she’d never graduate uni with a first class degree or write an award-winning dissertation.

(When she’s having a bad day she comforts herself with the fact that at least she’s not joined a multi-level-marketing scheme under the guise of being a “businesswoman”, and this helps her feel a little better.)

But what she lacks in academic ability she makes up for in spadeloads by being a damn good teacher. She’s big-hearted and silly and patient. She always picks up crisps and KitKats when she’s at the shops and keeps them in a drawer under her desk to sneak to the kids who come to school without a snack. She sits in the construction corner with her kids when they’re playing and asks them about the models they make, and pretends to die a gruesome, slow death when they shoot her with their little lego guns instead of trying to get them to make something less violent like she knows she should do. She reads books about unicorns that captivate the little shy girls in her class who come up to her afterwards and whisper in their tiny voices that they think unicorns are real, and A’whora agrees with them and watches their faces light up. She makes every day fun for her little ones; because the beauty of teaching is having the control to plan what happens every hour, so she makes sure that none of the six they have to spend in her care are boring.

The key to being a good Reception teacher is to essentially make a fool of yourself every day for the benefit of twenty-two four and five year olds, which A’whora has no problem doing. She doesn’t care what her pupil support worker thinks of her when she acts out The Gruffalo with soft toy puppets she borrowed from the library. She doesn’t care what the management team think of her when she turns up for World Book Day dressed as The Tiger Who Came To Tea. The only person’s opinion she does maybe care a tiny, ever-so-slight amount about, is Tayce’s.

Tayce is that teacher. Tayce is the cool teacher. Tayce is the teacher that all the children want to be taught by. A’whora hears the year fours whisper to each other in the corridors every June and watch as they cross their fingers and close their eyes before they open the envelope addressed to their parents, then give a screech of excitement and joy when they see the name Miss Szura-Radix on their class allocation letter. She wears heels all day without so much as a grunt of complaint and jumps in A’whora’s car each morning with a full face of makeup on at half past seven (while A’whora paints her face at quarter past eight at her desk in between shovelling a croissant down her throat in an attempt at ‘breakfast’ and sorting handwriting worksheets). The year five and six girls straighten their hair to a flattened crisp in an attempt to emulate Tayce’s endless shiny locks and she’s the only teacher that the rogue group of year six boys addresses with respect. She has the discipline of Miss Trunchbull with the heart of Miss Honey, and A’whora thinks she’s the best teacher she’s ever seen.

A’whora’s been friends with Tayce since she started working at the school but her heart still flutters in its chest whenever she sweeps in to her classroom to chat after work, or sits herself down next to her before a cluster meeting with two cups of tea in polystyrene mugs and two biscuits, or whenever A’whora mysteriously finds a packet of Percy Pigs on her desk hidden under a pile of marking with a post-it note stuck to it that says “u are a pig (but i love u)”.

She wonders if that feeling will ever go away. She kind of doesn’t want it to.

It’s that feeling that made her volunteer to help out at the year five camp last March. Tayce was complaining about having to go to a remote outdoor centre and supervise ten year olds completing various death-defying tasks for a week all in the name of character building, and A’whora had said she’d go with her. The smile it had put on Tayce’s face was worth every minute spent up to her knees in mud. Similarly every second she spent waist deep in freezing water was worth the moment Tayce fell asleep on her shoulder on the coach trip back to school on the last day.

(And she still hasn’t told anyone else about the moment she thought her heart might explode; on the last night of the week when temperatures had unexpectedly plummeted and A’whora had been trying to get to sleep but all she had been able to do was shiver and chatter her teeth and toss and turn, and Tayce had sighed dramatically, rolled her eyes, thrown off her duvet cover and patted the space in the bed beside her, with a “just get in quick, before it gets cold”. A’whora had spent the following hours until morning with Tayce’s body tangled around hers, in the most blissful sleepless night she’d ever experienced.)  

There’s so many things that endear Tayce to A’whora. Her smile, her secretly chaotic funny side, the way she never, ever makes A’whora feel like an idiot. The way she’ll ask the questions A’whora’s too scared to ask in staff meetings. The way she cares so deeply and passionately about the futures of the kids she teaches to the extent where sometimes she’ll develop a little crease at her brow in front of her attainment spreadsheet and A’whora will have to gently pry her away from her monitor to reassure her that she can’t control the way her children’s lives pan out. The way she’ll sometimes call her Rory, which makes A’whora’s heart expand at least three sizes.  

Something else that makes her heart expand three sizes is the way Tayce acts with the Reception kids, despite her insisting she could never teach that year group. It happens one day when A’whora’s marking literacy while letting her kids play and Tayce swings by her classroom without so much as a knock. They’ll do this to each other sometimes when one’s in class and the other has planning time; just drop by and check in to make sure the other isn’t having a meltdown.

“Hey bitchtits,” she murmurs quietly, smirking as she leans onto A’whora’s desk. “How’s your day going?”

“Terrible since you decided to show up,” A’whora cocks an eyebrow back, then jerks her head towards her distracted kids. “This lot are like sponges, y’know. You can’t be dropping that kind of language in this class, even if you think you’re out of earshot.”

Tayce sticks her tongue out at her. “Aw what, you gonna report me to management?”

“Report you to management and say you’re in my class annoying me during teaching time!”

“Piss off! I’m the highlight of your day and you know it.”

“Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“No. Just some very lucky ladies,” Tayce bites back with a smile, instantly rendering A’whora’s cheeks beetroot red as if she’s been slapped.

“You’re horrendous. You’re an actual deviant. Olly Murs without the Pringles can,” she rolls her eyes, trying to style out how flustered she’s become. She can see Tayce open her mouth to shoot a comeback her way, which is why she’s glad when one of her boys appears beside her desk holding a crumpled piece of paper covered in crayon blobs which are clearly meant to represent objects.

“Hi Archie! You okay?” she smiles brightly, turning all her attention to the little boy and trying not to cringe at Tayce getting full view of her Cbeebies-presenter voice.

“I made a picture for you,” he says, showing her the piece of paper and pointing out all the features of his drawing with a chubby little finger. “It’s a dragon that breathes fire and bombs, and he’s called Squish.”

“Wow! Thank you, Archie, I love it!” A’whora keeps smiling, blinking at the drawing the boy’s still holding. She points at some shaky rectangles with a pink acrylic. “And I can see he must be really tall because those buildings are tiny underneath him!”

Archie’s no longer interested in her or the drawing, though, as he’s looking up at Tayce through his glasses. “You’re my brother’s teacher.”

“Am I?” Tayce says, surprised that the attention is suddenly on her. “Who’s your brother?”

“Joshua. Joshua White.”

Tayce’s face instantly lights up in recognition. “Of course, you’re Josh’s brother! I should’ve known, you look so alike.”

“He’s ten and I’m five,” Archie adds, somewhat unnecessarily.

“See, I think you might be taller than him, though,” Tayce deadpans. A’whora watches affectionately as Archie’s entire body crumples up in a laugh and he splutters out a “nooooo!”. Tayce’s face breaks out into a smile- warm and genuine with her nose wrinkling up. It’s maybe the most adorable thing A’whora has ever seen.

“Josh is good at art as well. He’s not quite as good as you, but he’s good,” Tayce smiles, and as Archie smiles back A’whora feels her heart melting.

Archie turns to Tayce suddenly with the drawing still in his hand, and holds it out for her to take. “This is actually for you.”

A’whora gives a snort of outrage and amusement, which she quickly turns into a cough. She watches as Tayce accepts the drawing gratefully, giving Archie a little squeeze on his shoulder as she says thank you and Archie scuttles away back to his friends all bashful. There’s a second where Tayce smiles after him then looks down at the drawing with fondness, and A’whora’s feelings for her hit her like a tidal wave.

Tayce doesn’t notice (because of course she doesn’t) and as she straightens up she grins triumphantly at A’whora, holding the drawing in her face proudly. “Well. Guess Archie’s got a new favourite teacher then, doesn’t he?”

“He wouldn’t last five minutes in your classroom,” A’whora smirks, lying. The image of big-hearted Tayce with a class full of the littlest kids drying their tears and helping them get all organised for the day ahead is so unbelievably cute it makes A’whora want to squeal like an embarrassing teenager. She doesn’t, though. Instead she holds out a hand expectantly, raises her eyebrows at Tayce as if she’s one of her students. “Am I getting my drawing back or what?”

“Easy come, easy go,” Tayce winks at her, flouncing out of her classroom door just as the bell rings for break.

***

Tayce doesn’t really flirt with A’whora. Well, no, that’s a lie. She flirts and then immediately laughs it off, brushes it off as a joke or banter even though maybe if she’d taken flirting with A’whora a little more seriously she wouldn’t still be in this position two-bloody-years in.

Because she knows A’whora flirts sometimes. She’s positive she isn’t making it up. The way she’ll deadpan a “well, you look like shit” as she hops into her car in the mornings, the way she’ll sit close to her under her fluffy pink blanket if she’s round at Tayce’s for a movie day (because yeah, they hang out outside of work, because that’s what friends do). It’s always a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it raised eyebrow here, a laugh there, a touch of her arm and a squeeze of her hand and a smirk that bites back a thousand words Tayce wishes A’whora would just say.

So Tayce will flirt back because that’s probably just what A’whora does with her friends, and that’s all Tayce is to her. Maybe. Tayce is never sure if A’whora likes her back or not, and the risk of completely wrecking what is her only workplace friendship is too great to actually do something about it, so she’s happy being her friend for now. Every second she gets to spend with A’whora is a treat, so she can’t complain.

It would be easier if she was still labouring under the delusion that A’whora was straight, which was the whole reason it took Tayce so long to start slowly falling for her. A’whora had had a boyfriend for roughly the first six months Tayce had known her, so she hadn’t even thought of her friend in that capacity at all. Then one day on a rainy January she’d thudded her bag down on Tayce’s desk and told her they were going for drinks after work that night because her boyfriend was a cheating piece of shit and she’d broken up with him.

Tayce’s fate had further been sealed when they’d been sitting together for an inservice day on LGBT training and A’whora had turned to her and rolled her eyes.

“We don’t really need to be here, do we? We could just piss off to McDonalds.”

Tayce had laughed softly, fixing A’whora with a slightly confused glance. “Huh?”

“Well, I feel like we probably have enough lived experience of the whole thing to not need training. Still, we could always duck back in in time for the transgender part. But I mean we probably don’t really need to be told how to support kids struggling with their sexuality, do we?”

Tayce still remembers how A’whora had snorted at her, her face obviously looking as if she was searching for the last puzzle piece in the world’s most confusing jigsaw. “What is it?”

“I don’t get…what?” Tayce had said awkwardly, still unsure of what A’whora had meant.

A’whora had pulled a face, giggling a little. “Are you telling me that rainbow flag is on your desk for shits and gigs?”

“No…” Tayce said slowly, the pieces slowly falling together. “So…”

A’whora gave another funny little snort. “Tayce, did you not know I was bi? I’m sure I’ve told you this before.”

Tayce still thinks she deserves an Oscar for still being able to keep the conversation going despite the fact her entire world had been flipped on its head like a globe made of hourglass. “You’ve not! You’ve never. I mean, like, why would you need to? It’s not something that matters. I mean obviously it matters to you, but it doesn’t matter to me. You’re my friend either way. I mean it just never occurred to me because…your ex, and uh…you can drive.”

Mercifully, their headteacher had started speaking before A’whora could respond to her beyond a single raised eyebrow and a smirk on her face.

It’s been ever since then that Tayce has been looking at A’whora in a different light. How gorgeous she is at the start of the day with nothing but her laminated brows and lash extensions to pass for makeup and how gorgeous she still is at the end of the day with her mascara and eyeliner smudged a little at the edges and her lipstick all rubbed off. How she’s generous and patient and how she’ll go out of her way to help Tayce understand the new flavour-of-the-month resource their headteacher makes them use, pulling one of her kid’s chairs over to sit close beside her to see the monitor and bumping her knee against Tayce’s every so often.  

It’s how she acts around her kids, though, that really highlights everything Tayce completely adores about A’whora. Tayce is on her way up to the staffroom with two tubs of chicken shawarma salad in her hands (one for her and one for A’whora, of course) and she makes it up one flight of stairs when she suddenly hears a cry like an air raid siren pierce the air, as well as a gentle, soothing voice muttering quiet consolations.

It’s the sheer hysterical nature of the crying that catches Tayce’s attention at first, and she looks over the bannister to see A’whora on the level below, sitting a little boy who’s bawling his eyes out down on the red squashy chairs outside the office. With a stab to her heart Tayce realises that it’s Archie, the boy who’d given her the picture all those weeks ago. Both his knees and the palms of his hands are torn to ribbons; he’s obviously had a fight with the tarmac and emerged the loser. Tayce knows he’ll be okay if an adult’s seeing to him, especially if that adult’s A’whora, so she knows she can leave. She doesn’t need to stay and watch the situation play out.

But she does. She watches as one of the ladies from the office comes out and reassures A’whora that she can take over, and as A’whora waves her away kindly and says it won’t take her two minutes. She watches as A’whora puts her hands on the boy’s shoulders and directs his breathing, talking to him calmly and softly. She watches A’whora rip into a packet of sterile wipes with grim determination, telling Archie how brave he’s being and that she knows it stings as she wipes quickly and carefully over his little cut hands. She watches A’whora peel the wrapping off four plasters, making it seem effortless even with her long acrylics, and the way she makes a joke about Archie being bandaged up like a mummy which brings a smile to his little tear-stained face and a smile to Tayce’s too. The other staff don’t get to see A’whora’s caring nature very often (given how often she whispers judgemental comments to Tayce during meetings) but Tayce sees it all the time. A’whora has the biggest heart of anyone she’s ever known, and the whole scene makes Tayce feel so endeared towards her that it almost frightens her.

It’s at that point when Archie looks up at Tayce on the bannister and makes eye contact with her. He flicks his eyes back down to his teacher.

“Uh, Miss Boyle? I think Miss Szura-Radix wants to talk to you, because she’s been there a long time.”

Tayce’s heart freezes solid at the same time A’whora turns around, who fixes her with a sort of funny smile, confused but not exactly unhappy to see her.

“Uh. Coming to the staffroom?” Tayce shouts down, under pressure to explain herself but simultaneously not having any explanation.

“Two seconds!” A’whora yells up apologetically.

“I’ll wait,” Tayce yells down, reassuring her.

Tayce is used to waiting for A’whora. She supposes another minute or so won’t make a difference.

***

This is the third Valentine’s day A’whora has spent with Tayce.

The first fell on a Monday and had been an abject disaster (or success, depending on how she looked at it). A’whora was still getting over her ex and Tayce had confided in her that she hated Valentine’s day and all its commercialised, capitalist tat with a burning passion, so they’d gone to the pub after work and got so outrageously drunk that the two of them were so hungover the next day A’whora drove them to McDonalds for lunch.

The second had been last year- a Tuesday, where Tayce had been subdued and a little down until A’whora had forced her into helping her choose new clothes for the roleplay area for her kids and the pair of them had collapsed into endless breathless giggles as they both tried on costumes made for five-year-olds, the memory of Tayce in a hi-vis vest, safety goggles and a tiny hard hat one that still makes A’whora laugh if she thinks about it.

Really she’s lucky that she gets to be one of the few people who’s spent the 14th of February with their crush for three years in a row, but not for the reasons she might want. Still, she can live in the delusional daydream she’s taunted herself with many times; how maybe today Tayce will turn up at her classroom door with helium balloons and a teddy, how she’ll say she’s been secretly in love with her for years and how she’s booked them a table at that fancy seafood restaurant in town that just opened up for an actual proper date (not a mate date and not some gal-entines or pal-entines bullshit).

And then Tayce hops into her car in a foul mood with her hair drenched from waiting for A’whora in the rain with no umbrella and a face like a cow’s backside.

A’whora tries to cheer her up. She blasts the R&B that Tayce loves but Tayce just asks her to turn it off, telling her that Kiana Ledé, Mahalia and Ella Mai are exactly what she doesn’t need to hear on Valentine’s Day, endless songs about being in and out of love. So A’whora blasts Charli XCX instead, which works well until shuffle puts on Forever, and then Tayce is in the huff again.

Teaching the year fives doesn’t exactly help her feel much better, A’whora thinks, as they both sit down to lunch together and Tayce turns to her with an incredulous scowl on her face.

“They’ve all got bloody boyfriends and girlfriends!”

A’whora stops eating the pasta salad Tayce has made for her and narrows her eyes inquisitively. “Who does?”

“All the kids in my class. They’ve been going around all day telling me who they’ve paired up with, who’s snogging who, the detailed dating history of these bloody ten year olds. They keep asking me what we’re doing for Valentine’s Day. ‘Are we making cards?’ No! We’re doing more work on decimals because none of you bloody understood it the first three times I explained it to you. Make a card in your own damn time,” Tayce rolls her eyes while A’whora snorts with laughter. Tayce side-eyes her, unimpressed as A’whora tries to defend herself.

“Oh come on, Tayce, you’ve got to admit it’s a bit funny.”

“Is it? Is it though? Is it funny that a ten year old boy can get himself a girlfriend but I can’t?”

Tayce’s words make A’whora’s heart jump a hurdle. She plays it off with a joke. “Yeah, but he’s got a ten year old girlfriend, Tayce. I’m assuming you don’t want that.”

“No, funnily enough!” Tayce shakes her head. She pouts uncharacteristically, tilting her head to the ceiling. “I just…I don’t know, I just want someone that’s there for me. Who’ll always listen to all my shit, someone that makes me smile when I feel like crap. Someone I can just be myself around and have a laugh with whatever the hell we’re doing.”

A’whora nods and doesn’t say what she wants to. We do that. We do all of that together already.

“But I don’t want all the shit of having to actually get to know people, having to go on dates and do the whole talking stage and get my hopes up only to have them let down. I wish I could just…” Tayce sighs, and A’whora’s on tenterhooks wondering what’s coming next. “…I wish I just already had that person, you know?”

You do have that person. I’m that person.

A’whora nods silently and the bell rings signalling the end of their lunch break.

Since she’s not as enraged by Valentine’s day as Tayce, A’whora has planned to get the sequins and glue out and get the kids to make Valentine’s cards. She loves planning tasks like this, mainly because five year olds don’t need much help when faced with a glue stick and a shaker full of glitter, so it means she can put her feet up and have a chilled afternoon. She explains to her class what they’re going to be doing, feels her heart burst with affection as they all get outrageously excited at the very notion of using glitter. She shows them how to fold their piece of paper carefully to make a card shape, and shows them the array of colours they can choose from (and has to explain to some disappointed boys that no, she doesn’t have any blue card so no, their Valentine’s Day card can’t be the colour of Crystal Palace football club).

She’s giving out the different colours of card to her kids and cutting them to size when one of her girls stops, peers carefully at the selection of colours, then looks at A’whora thoughtfully.

“Miss Boyle, are you going to give a Valentine’s card to Miss Szura-Radix?”

A’whora almost slices through her own hand in shock. She looks with incredulity at the little girl in front of her. “Bella! No, of course not. Why would I do that?”

“Because you’re best friends and you love her,” Bella shrugs, A’whora’s attempts to shame her into silence obviously having no effect. A’whora tries to scowl, tries to do her best ‘cross face’ despite the fact that the thought of giving Tayce a Valentine’s card sets her heart racing so fast it makes her genuinely think about driving to A&E.

“I don’t…” she starts, until Bella speaks again.

“You told us before that girls can fall in love with girls and you said that we can make our Valentine’s cards for our friends too,” she insists innocently. A’whora finally musters up a frown, thrusts a pink piece of card into her hand.

“Why am I even entertaining this conversation- go and get on with your work, madam!” she says firmly, and Bella walks away with her blank card in her hand, nonplussed.

But as her kids all begin to make their cards and they’re all too caught up in glitter and painting their hands with PVA glue to even need her help with anything, A’whora begins absent-mindedly folding a spare piece of pink card in half. She draws one, two, three love hearts on it, then takes one of the little glue sticks and carefully, neatly, fills them in with splodges of clear glue. She asks one of the little boys sitting at the table opposite her if she can borrow the red glitter when he’s finished with it and he nods his head, A’whora’s heart involuntarily swelling with pride at how good her children are at sharing. She tap-tap-taps the glitter shaker over the hearts on the paper, making sure each one is covered completely before standing the card upright and watching the excess fall off like sparkly snow. Opening the card, she takes the gold shiny gel pen from her desk and writes without really thinking it through.

Maybe if Tayce isn’t going to magically read A’whora’s mind and figure out what she’s been yearning for, A’whora just has to give her a little nudge in the right direction.

When she’s done she folds it back over, stands up, crosses the room to her empty yellow message folder and slides it inside. She asks her class if anyone knows where the year five classroom is because she’s got a message to send there. Fifteen tiny hands fly up and A’whora basically has to whittle the volunteers down to the only two kids who actually know where they��re going, and she gives them the folder and tells them to take it up to Tayce’s classroom.

She doesn’t think about the reality or the implication of what she’s just done, because if she does then she’ll start hyperventilating and not stop until perhaps June of next year. Instead she catches the eye of Julia, the little girl who moved from Poland in January. She can’t speak or write a word of English yet, but the way she’s looking at A’whora with a little smile on her face makes her genuinely wonder if she knows. Sometimes kids can pick up on these sorts of things. She shoots her a little wink and puts her finger to her lips in a “shhh” just in case, and the little girl breaks into a grin that shows two missing front teeth.

The thing about teaching is that it’s a great job for providing a distraction. A’whora can’t think about the card she made for Tayce when she’s cleaning up an entire pot of glitter that Jared spilt all over the carpet, nor can she think about what she’s written in it when she’s comforting Angelica because she didn’t get to finish her card in time for hometime. But the moment she’s waved the kids off and dropped them off to their parents she walks up the stairs from the front entrance with an impending sense of dread which only increases with every new step she takes.

“What the fuck have you done,” she mutters under her breath, earning her a weird look from one of the ladies at the office.

When she gets back to her classroom to find Tayce sitting on one of the tiny tables waiting for her, A’whora feels her heart freeze in her chest and the blood rush to her face, blushing just from seeing her there. Tayce looks in a better mood than she was at lunchtime, though, which is a good start. Maybe she never even read the card. Maybe A’whora’s reception kids took it to the entirely wrong class. Christ, that would be even more embarrassing.

“Hey, boo boo,” Tayce smiles gently at her, as A’whora crosses the room and elects to sit on the desk opposite her so they’re face to face and not too far away. “How’d your afternoon go?”

“Oh, uh, y’know,” A’whora stammers out, blundering her words in the world’s worst attempt at appearing nonchalant. “Lots of glitter, lots of PVA. In fact I’m probably sitting in a massive glittery splodge of it, as are you.”

Tayce laughs, checks the table comedically.

“How was yours? You seem a bit more cheerful,” A’whora continues, looking to the floor and not darling to meet her eyes. “Did decimals finally click with your lot, or…?”

“I am a bit more cheerful,” Tayce smiles, A’whora’s heart racing and soaring in anticipation at the same time. “But not really anything to do with decimals. More to do with the fact somebody made me a really very lovely Valentine’s card.”

Tayce reaches behind her back and produces her card- A’whora’s card- from the table behind her, and A’whora feels her pulse race at her wrists and her heart leap into her mouth to the extent that she’s rendered almost too shy to speak. What the fuck was she thinking? Tayce is probably about to rip the piss out of her for it, it was a huge mistake, and she’s probably thrown their whole friendship away for nothing.

However. There’s a little something in Tayce’s eyes, a little sparkle that makes the grey shine silver. So A’whora shrugs, fixing a carefree smile on her face even though she feels anything but.

“Well, I know you hate Valentine’s day, so…I thought maybe if I gave you a card you’d stop being so mardy about it.”

When she looks at Tayce again she can see there’s a little crack in her perfect armour, the sparkle in her eyes dulled slightly. When she speaks her voice is quiet and nervous, so stripped of its usual hyperactivity and energy that A’whora wonders if it’s even Tayce’s voice at all. “Is that, uh. Is that the only reason you made it?”

A’whora can practically feel herself clam up. She has no idea where Tayce is going with this; to clarify that it was a joke or to clarify that it was serious, and A’whora doesn’t know which one Tayce wants it to be.

“What you wrote,” Tayce continues, her gaze fixed on the glitter-covered carpet and making it even more impossible to figure out her intention. “Was that, like…some girly besties chat, or was it…did you mean it…like that?”

“Yeah, I did,” A’whora says instantly. It’s out before she knows it, a terrifying leap into a freezing cold conversational plunge pool with no life raft to help her climb out. There’s only one way out and it’s Tayce’s reaction, whatever the hell that might be. She snapped her head up the moment the words left A’whora’s mouth, and her eyes are wide in what could be shock but could quite easily be horror.

A’whora doesn’t think she’s ever been more hopeful and frightened all at once. The seconds tick by and Tayce is still frozen in position, and A’whora can literally feel herself inching closer to the edge of the desk in terrified anticipation.

“Jesus Christ say something, Tayce, before I cringe myself to death,” she says breathlessly, her blood feeling almost electric as it races in her veins.

Tayce leans forward, not giving much away as she brings a thumb up to A’whora’s cheek.

“You’ve got a bit of glitter on your face,” she murmurs.

When she leans in and closes the gap between them, A’whora feels herself melt against Tayce’s lips with relief. They’re in the middle of her classroom at quarter part three with the door open and she’s very well aware that anyone could walk in at a moments’ notice, but A’whora doesn’t care. A’whora only cares about the fact that Tayce is kissing her and she’s kissing back, and it’s so hard to believe it’s actually real and not some daydream come to life, and it’s happening on Valentine’s day which makes it even more far-fetched. But every time A’whora starts to think that maybe she’s dreaming she feels Tayce’s thumb stroke her cheek, or their knees bump together, or she brings a hand up to rest at Tayce’s jaw just to make sure it’s all real.

When Tayce pulls away and they smile at each other, giggling and blushing like one of Tayce’s year fives, A’whora only allows herself to properly believe it’s all actually happening when Tayce presses their foreheads together, takes both of A’whora’s hands in her own and murmurs quietly to her what A’whora’s wanted to hear for entirely too long.

“I love you too.”

[themarshmallownerd]

Like Forty Dogs

Summary: Three months after moving to a new town in search of a fresh start, Wanda's only wish is to do what's best for her twin sons, and to forget everything that came into her life before them. But with a new town comes new faces, and with them, a lesson in letting other people in again.

Relationships: Bucky Barnes/Wanda Maximoff; Pietro Maximoff and Wanda Maximoff; Wanda Maximoff and Carol Danvers; Carol Danvers/Valkyrie | Brunnhilde

Ratings: Mature

Link: Chapter 1 (AO3)

A/N: Trying something new with this AU! It was supposed to be just a small idea (don’t they always, lol), but then I got really attached to the universe! About 16 chapters have been mapped out, but as things progress, the number may go up or down. We’ll see where it takes us!

Next update will be for either this or Miracle Empire (both are being worked at the same time). Stay tuned! I hope everyone enjoys ❤️❤️

Preview: She was still in the process of folding a third napkin around the other two she had wrapped around the plump, doughy disk when she turned to leave the rec hall altogether. With her attention focused on keeping the edges of paper securely pinned between the doughnut and her fingers, she didn’t notice the huge figure right behind her until it was too late. Her purse took the brunt of the impact, but a tiny gasp of surprise still escaped her as she collided with a huge barrel chest.

“Oh—sorry!” she breathed, knowing her purse was probably quite a force to be struck with, given how filled it was with work documents and various trinkets.

“Sorry,” the man mumbled at the same time as she. Then, in a clearer voice, added, “No, no, don’t be. I should have…I’m the one who zoned out. I should’ve…” He cleared his throat in place of finishing the thought. “Sorry. I was just…”

He gestured behind her, at the large, plastic water cooler right by the doughnut box. Wanda took a polite step sideways, allowing him more room to reach it. However, he only lingered in his place, a look of uncertainty painting his features. Wanda was willing to dismiss it as nothing (at least, nothing that was her business), but rather than leave him to it, became distracted as she tried to place where she’d previously seen him.

Soon enough, she recognized him as one of the newcomers to the group. Well…new-ish. He had started coming in about two or three weeks ago. But he’d never said anything, leaving his presence to be just a fleeting memory. That first time he’d shown up, he’d sat right next to Sam, so Wanda had overheard bits of things from Sam before the meeting started. She knew he called the stranger ‘Barnes,’ and that Barnes was apparently a soldier, like him. 

Now, Barnes seemed to be internally debating something with himself. He had a tiny paper cup in his hands, presumably from a drink of water he’d already gotten earlier. The cup looked even tinier in his burly hands, though he showed the utmost gentleness with it as he swept a thumb over the surface of the paper. It drew her eyes to the fact that he was wearing a leather glove on that hand, though not the other.

Wanda was about to turn away and head back to her previous path towards the exit when she realized he wasn’t just being careful with his water as he held it close to his chest. He was fighting an urge to fidget, as evident in the way his fingers twitched the exact same way Wanda’s did when she was attempting the same. 

“Are you alright?”

The question escaped her before she could stop herself, her inner empath clearly stronger than her sense of logic. Whatever was bothering him, it was none of her business. If he had wanted to disclose it, the time for that would have been earlier, at Sam’s encouragement. 

Hell, now that she thought about it, this man was the only one Sam never did prompt, or even acknowledge at all, while the actual meetings were taking place. 

For that reason, it was a surprise to her when he actually answered her, albeit after some stammering to get the right words out. “Yeah. Yeah, fine. Just, uh…anxious, I guess.”

“For next week?” Perhaps Sam had been encouraging him to share. Just not in front of others.

He laughed, a small breathy sound that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Yeah, kind of. That and, um…”

He turned a little towards the rest of the room and straightened his posture, further emphasizing how huge and powerfully built he was. Not that Wanda was looking. Even if she was, most of his form was hidden beneath layers of clothing, complete with dark-colored undershirts and a faded hoodie. A type of wear that looked more befitting for the middle of winter than the first few days of fall, where the year currently was.

Barnes nodded at the other meeting attendees, who had all either stayed in their seats or gathered around Sam’s. “Some of them are wanting to go out,” he explained. “You know, just kinda get together and catch up on…less downhearted stuff.”

His thumb was now sweeping back-and-forth against the surface of his water cup like mad. His other hand went to the side of his face, combing some of his long hair out of the way as he finally chanced making direct eye-contact with her. “I thought…well, um, I’d been thinking of…if you wanted to come with, then—as a group, I mean!” he amended quickly. “I mean…I don’t want to make you feel like…”

Wanda reacted as soon as she caught onto what he was trying to offer, wanting to put him out of his misery. “Oh—no, yes, I see! Yes, well…”

Now she was stammering. It was a nice offer, and to her own surprise, she actually thought it tempting. It had been a demanding day at her work, and she didn’t anticipate the next few days being any better. So, taking some time to unwind and just listen to more inconsequential stories from these people she simultaneously knew everything and nothing about didn’t seem so bad. People she knew, that is, aside from this one newcomer. All she knew about him was that he apparently knew Sam well outside of these meetings, he was a sergeant, and that he was probably the only group member that was always more aloof than she. 

Ultimately, though, her pull to go home was stronger.

“That’s a really nice offer,” she said gently. “But I actually have somewhere I need to be after this. I have someone waiting for me.”

[flying-nightwing]

Dark Fox (7/7)

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read Dark Fox! It was my first longer serie ever since my writing hiatus, and the first one I actually finished ever lmao. It was quite an adventure and I really enjoyed writing this persona. This is the last chapter to close the story. I hope you like it gang!

Previous

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader

Word Count: 6821

Warnings: usual

You hadn’t had a lazy morning in years, and you had all but forgotten how good it felt. 

A single sun ray warmed the bed, making the temperature under the thin sheet just ideal. The slow, steady rise and fall of Jason’s chest under your head was soothing, as well as the random pattern his hand was drawing on your back. Usually, you’d have already trained and eaten by that time. Today, you had no intention of leaving the bed anytime soon. The last night had been spent fucking so many times in so many different ways, you were both exhausted and happier than before. Jason was even wilder than you remembered (or he got even better?), so much you were still riding the absolute high you had reached. 

You traced his scars with your fingers; some old ones he had told you about, some you had put there yourself, and some others your had yet to know how he got them. You had a lot to catch up about.

“The last time we found ourselves like this,” You began, trailing your soft touch up and down the browned mark on his shoulder. It was as large as your sword, and a witness of the rocky beginning of your relationship. “I begged you to come back to the League with me”

He angled his head toward you. You could feel his eyes on you, half closed and relaxed as he’s even been. “But I begged you to follow me back here first” 

It had been a heartbreaking moment. The build up of the unanswered question for a whole year had lead to there. None of you had wanted to talk about the time his training would be done, you had rather wanted to keep doing your stuff and ignore the impending separation. That morning hadn’t been unlike this one, with the sun coming through the hut and with you both on the hammock, naked and intertwined under the fur cover. He had broken the silence, asking you to forget the League and stay with him. Back then, you were so sure you could only reach Luthor through it. So you asked Jason to instead join the League at your side. 

He had dressed up and left the hut, and you hadn’t heard from him from then until you crossed paths in Ukraine.

“I guess this is the fight you won” You smiled, flicking up your gaze to his. “Seeing as I’m here”

“The fight I won?” He raised his eyebrows. “Implying I didn’t win any other fight?”

“You did, but…” You teased, gently tapping your fingers up his collarbone. “Let’s face it, I still won most of them”

He gasped. “Excuse me?”

You smirked. 

Before you could see him move, he rolled on top of you and caged you underneath him between his arms. His eyes were narrowed in indignation as he channeled his mean face on. It once might have worried you, but it had lost most of its purpose now. Especially since you were both naked.

“I’ve won plenty of fights against you” He sneered. 

“Mhmm” You hummed, knowing all too well how he didn’t like to be challenged. You hadn’t poked at his pride in too long, so you couldn’t pass the occasion. “Sure you did”

“Have you forgotten what happens when the fighting range gets too small?” 

You simply blinked.

“Or when I truly got angry? Or…”

You cocked your head to the side as he halted his words. Then, understanding flashed through his expression. 

“You’re still riling me on purpose” He sighed.

“What did I like to say again?” You asked rhetorically, pausing for emphasis. “Ah, yes. When you’ll stop falling for it”

“I hate you” 

“Don’t blame me for being such an easy target” You rolled your eyes. “Now come here”

“Bossy” He finally grinned. “I love it”

He lowered himself so his lips touched yours and kissed you softly. However, the moment didn’t last long, as his cell phone vibrated on the nightstand. You could feel the shift toward annoyance in his mood, and it only grew when the phone vibrated one more time, and another one after that. With a long sigh, he rolled off of you and to the side of his bed. He frowned, then all trace of displeasure at the interruption wiped off of his face.

“What is it?” You asked, peeking over his shoulder. He shut off the screen immediately.

“You’ll see” He chuckled. “Get dressed”

“Ooookay” You nodded slowly, watching him throw his legs on the side of the bed and reach for his shirt on the floor. You put on your clothes from the day before and went for the guest bedroom you had, changing into something clean. When you got out, Jason was waiting for you leaning on the doorframe. 

“First though, breakfast”

You followed Jason, as you were still unfamiliar with the place. Sure, you had mapped the way from your room to the cave, and from the cave to every close escape around. But for the rest, you had barely the time or desire to explore. All this space was pointless to you, as you couldn’t figure out who would need all of this. However, it did provide a good way to avoid any Wayne during your stay, you’d give the manor this point.

But it didn’t allow you to avoid Bruce this time.

He caught you around a corner, and you three remained in a stare off for a few seconds. You knew it probably wouldn’t result in a fight, but your hand still hovered above the blade hidden at the back of your waistband. 

“I think you have overstayed your welcome here”

Jason gritted his teeth, but you remained calm. You had expected this.

“I will be gone by tonight” You replied on a neutral tone, then pulled Jason with you to side step him.

“One more thing” 

You halted your steps in the doorframe to the next room, turning your head to look at him. He hadn’t moved.

“I don’t want to see you in my city again”

“You must be fucking kidding me” Jason yelled, but you held up your arm to stop him from marching back to Bruce. 

“Absolutely not” He turned to face you. “Ever since she’s came, she has conveniently disclosed very precise information on the weapon’s whereabouts, except when it mattered. And hid her family ties to Luthor”

“You think she’s working with him?” He scoffed.

“I don’t know, is she?”

Jason glanced at you, about to reply something, but you just shook your head at him. It was pointless to try and convince Bruce Wayne, especially since you knew your word could never overturn your suspicious behaviour. He rolled his eyes and walked away, and you were about to follow him before you paused.

“I’m not” You spoke up, and you could feel Bruce’s eyes on your back. “If you must know, I’ve come here to kill him, and I don’t need your permission for that” 

With that, you walked away, not waiting for an answer from Bruce. You joined Jason in the kitchen, who was already working on cooking oatmeal. His jaw was still clenched, and his posture tense. 

“I can’t believe the fucking audacity” He grumbled. 

“He is entitled to his opinion of me” You shrugged and leaned on the counter next to him. “I don’t really care what he thinks about my intentions”

“Still” He sighed. “Are you still planning on finishing your mission?”

You crossed your arms against your torso and furrowed your eyebrows. You could just leave Batman and the others take care of it, and leave them to deal with Luthor. But again, you hadn’t came all this way to just give up. 

“Bruce was very clear on his stance about me remaining involved in this shitshow” You hummed, before glancing up at Jason. “But we do have a bio weapon to stop, and I’m far from done with Luthor”

His disappointment morphed into a grin at your words. “Attagirl, that’s what I like to hear”

“I most certainly don’t like to leave things unfinished” The corner of your lips lifted. “You okay with going against Batman’s orders?”

“Oh my dear” He chuckled as he poured the oatmeal in two bowls. He glanced at you with an excited glint in his eyes. “Nobody has a better record of disobeying him than I do”

“Good”

He put a spoon in each bowl and handed you one. “Now we need to have a game plan for what’s next”

“Any idea?”

“I sure have” His grin widened. “I want to show you something”

He motioned you to follow him as he ate his oatmeal mid walk. He got down to the cave and led you to a small side room, where he grabbed the tablet on the table. You slowly ate your breakfast as you watched him press buttons and mumble to himself. Then, he turned to you.

“You ready?”

You nodded, unsure of what he was talking about. He dramatically pressed one more button, making the wall in front of you turn on itself with a woosh. Your eyes widened as you took in the content of the compartment.

“So?”

You blinked at glanced at Jason. Your grin slowly stretched to match his. 

“Oh yeah” You nodded again, this time, with way more assurance. “This will definitely do”

----

Jason heard Bruce coming from miles away.

Even if he technically didn’t, his course of action was so predictable that the Bat’s dramatic landing on the rooftop behind him was no surprise at all. 

“I thought I had made myself clear”

Jason stood up from his crouched position and turned to face him, arms crossed against his chest. “You did”

“Then what are you doing here?” He sighed in annoyance. 

“Well obviously you’re blaming your wrong intel and failures on someone who has nothing to do with it, which is a classic you” He taunted. “So we’re here to finish the job. Her and I really do work well together, thanks for noticing”

“Red Hood” He warned.

“Batman” He mimicked.

Someone landing next to them grabbed their attention.

“Red Robin” Tim announced himself under Bruce’s hard glance and Jason’s amused one.

“What are you doing here?” 

“Well, I knew something was up when I didn’t see Foxy in the cage all day” He explained. “So I followed you here. By the way, where is she?”

As if on cue, a shadow dropped behind them. The movement did no go unnoticed, and as if on instinct, Tim spun around and threw a shuriken. His expression quickly changed as he realized who was in front of him.

There you were, still crouched from your landing and holding his shuriken mid air inches away from your face. You were smirking under your mask as Tim stared at you in disbelief. 

“Twice” You spoke as you stood up fully. His eyes quickly scanned you from head to toes, almost overseeing you handing him back his shuriken. “Twice you have thrown one of these at me”

“Where’s the League suit?” He asked, slowly taking back his small weapon. “And you’re stupid bow?”

You shrugged, sharing a knowing glance with Jason. “I thought it was time for a change”

Then, understanding washed across his face. “Oh, oh my. You’ve dropped the League” 

He did another once over. You had ditched the heavy coat for a lightweight suit made of silk and leather, with armored plastic on the stomach, the upper arms and the back. The arm bracers had smaller spikes than the previous ones, and you no longer wore a heavy mask. Instead, you had only kept your half mask and wore a hooded robe crossing on your torso. Your grappling hook was now in your utility belt, and your arrows were replaced with sharper, more volatile darts kept in a sheath on your thigh. You now had 25 regular darts, five explosive and your two classic sedatives. Only your sword remained on your back, so it would “unclog your aesthetic”, as Jason had put it. 

You did like it better like that, the bow wasn’t your style anyway.

The new gear was still all black, for the exception of a silver kitsune draw into the back of the armor that would show if you took off the robe. It was comfortable and flexible, and resistant to bullets and stabbing. Jason had hit the target right on with the design. 

“Do you keep your wrist shooter?” He asked, squinting his eyes.

You raised your arm and shot over his shoulder to prove your point. He caught the small arrow mid air, nodding impressively. 

“Still the best part of the suit” He muttered to himself. 

“I thought you said you’d be gone” Bruce cut in. Your eyes went to him. 

“I still have a couple of hours” You replied without missing a beat.

“Talking about” Jason said. “Your time window just opened”

“You can either help us or stay out of the way” You told Bruce as you adjusted you comm. “But this is happening regardless”

He didn’t speak right away, taking a moment to ponder your words. Then, he voiced his thoughts. “Are you going to kill him?”

You held eye contact for a few seconds more before taking off. You ran along the ledge and jumped on the next building, then letting yourself slide down the fire escape. You chose not no reply to him, as you didn’t need to give him another reason to come after you. Granted, not replying was practically the equivalent of giving a positive answer, but at least it could give you the benefit of the doubt for what it was worth.

Using the shadows of the city, you quickly made your way through the blocks by the back alleys until you reached the imposing tower in the middle of the Diamond district, the same building you and Tim had sacked for show barely a week before. Whatever damage you had done, it didn’t show anymore. It was like nothing had happened. 

This time, you came in by the front door. The second you walked through the glass doors, all activity stopped. You took a few step forward, and four guards met you halfway in the lobby. Without a word, they escorted you past the front desk and through the metal detector going off like crazy. Anytime you could have easily gotten rid of them, but you held back for now. You waited a short time for the elevator, then got in and up to Luthor’s floor. He was waiting for you by the window, and turned around with a smirk once you got in his office. You pulled back your hood and unclasped your mask.

“I see you’ve got a new look” He pointed out. “Changed your mind about the league?”

“Something like that” 

“Well, I’m most certainly pleased to see you’ve decide to do the right thing” He took a step forward. “This is where you belong”

Slowly, you reached for your sword and took it out. A shadow passed across his face, and nodded to something behind you. Or rather, someone. You dropped to a crouch to avoid the tazer being stuck in your back--once was enough--and thrusted your sword in the legs of the guys around you. You rolled forward and shot the four guards coming your way, before jumping on the desk and holding them in your aim. Luthor now had four new guards around, letting you know more would come if he needed. You reloaded your crossbow.

“I’m disappointed” He revealed with a sigh. “Those were good men”

“Let it be a reminder I can and will take them all out if they're in my way” You twirled your sword. “Step forward and none of them die with you tonight”

“How noble” He chuckled, not concerned at all. His hand rested in his pocket and his stance was relaxed. “Did your boyfriend with the red helmet tell you to do that?”

You shot an arrow to his knee, but he easily side stepped it like he had predicted that move. He raised an eyebrow.

“I see” He hummed. “But I had expected you would deny your destiny. So I decided to help you make a choice”

Four more men came in the room and ran at you. You vaulted over them and landed behind them, taking them by surprise. Before the could fully turn around, they were on the ground. You wiped your sword in the crook of your elbow and faced Luthor again. He was watching, unwavering, almost out of the door. He was stalling, that was clear, but you didn’t know for what yet. He smirked again, and you knew he’d finally reveal his thoughts.

“Now I know you won’t back down like last time” He taunted, and your jaw clenched. “So I guess you can come at me now, tear through my guards and get to me…”

You narrowed your eyes, knowing there was something more coming. He wouldn’t make it that easy for you to get to him.

“But like I said, I had expected trouble from you, like your mother before you” He sighed sarcastically. “So I prepared a backup plan. I decided to launch my weapon sooner and instead use it elsewhere, since you forced my hand. In twenty minutes, it will discharge quite literally the plague in the city aqueduct”

You tensed, your hand going to your ear to your comm and turning it on.

“Ah, I don’t think telling your friends will work” He tsked. “The only way to stop it is through my genetic code”

“Therefore mine” You concluded.

“Smart” He mocked. “Yes. So you can either kill me here and get it over with, or you can run around and save a bunch of people, and miss your shot. Again. But you don’t have the time to do both, I’m afraid”

You calculated his ultimatum, and he was right. If he kept the men coming, it would be enough to stall you too long for you to go from the diamond district to the aqueduct. He had planned this move carefully, knowing he’d get a win in either case.  

“Don’t worry, the cure is ready to go, there won’t be much casualties” He brushed off. “You came here to kill me, didn’t you?”

You flexed your fingers on the hilt of your sword.

“Do it” He challenged. “That’s what you are. You were made to finish what you started, to stop at nothing to get what you want. This is how I made you, even if I disapprove what you’ve done with my gifts. So go ahead, kill me and prove me right”

He was almost in your face now, staring right at you. You straightened your back and levelled up with him, feeling something strange, yet not unwelcomed, swelling in your chest. You thought about Jason and what he said, about those civilians you saved from a certain death, and about the man in front of you. Seeing him from so close, you realized every ounce of anger you held toward Luthor was… Gone. You thought with him so close you would be tempted to fight him, but all you could feel was indifference. He didn’t matter to you anymore, he never should have. He represented your insecurities, and tried to drag you down with him to excuse his own failure in making you a copy of himself. You became aware he was a pointless chase, and you had better things to do than indulge in it. 

“I’m the Dark Fox” You jutted your chin up, squaring up your shoulders. “Don’t fucking tell me what to do”

You turned around and jumped over the desk, grabbing an explosive arrow and throwing it in the window. You jumped through as it exploded, plunging down the building. You pulled out your grappling line and hooked it on your shooter, then aimed for the roof. It slowed your fall midway, and you used your glove to slow yourself down. 

As your feet touched the ground, you saw Jason’s motorcycle pull in in front of the building. You put back your sword in its sheath and your mask on your face, then your hood up. 

“Aqueduct, we’ve got fifteen minutes” You spoke as you climbed on the bike.

“Yep, I heard everything” He had a grin in his voice. Yet, he didn’t go yet.

“What?”

“I am so fucking proud of you”

You felt your neck heat up as you looked down, even if he couldn’t see you, in fact, you were glad he couldn’t. You never knew his praise would make you react that way, or that you would be so important for you to hear it.

“And for the record” He added. “It was very hot, too”

“Fucking hell, Jay, go!”

“Fine” He sighed and sped away from there.

“Okay so what is your thing with jumping out of windows?” Tim said through your comm. You had no idea he had stayed.

“It makes me feel less dead” You replied, and Jason audibly laughed. 

“You madwoman”

“Since you’re here, I have a task for you” You said. “Could you pull out the files on the weapon and figure out how the failsafe works?”

“I’m already on it”

Then, a bullet barely grazed your shoulder. The sound followed closely after, but it was like in slow motion. You raised your arm to protect Jason's shoulder, letting the bullet hit your arm brace instead. Reacting quickly, you turned around facing backwards and shot an arrow through the gun aimed at you. You then noticed five motorcycles following you, probably tasked with taking you down.

“What’s going on? How many?”

“Keep driving” You ordered. “I’ll take care of this”

You shot another arrow, but it bounced on the body of the motorcycles, and from your position you couldn’t aim elsewhere. You emptied your arrows to get one good shot, and it was enough to take one down. But looking at your recharges, you only had ten darts left, and potentially more people to take down around the bomb. You looked down, then up again to the guns aimed at you.

“Fuck it”

You reached for one of Jason’s gun on his thigh and clicked the safety off. Then, you shot.

“Holy shit” Jason yelled, and you could only imagine his expression. “HOLY SHIT”

“Did… Did Foxy just use a gun?”

“I wish I could have seen that” He whined. “I am so turned on right now”

“Too much information Jaybird”

You clicked the safety back on and turned around again, then slipped the gun back in his holster. 

“I thought you thought guns were disgraceful” 

“I kind of still do” You smirked under your mask. “So don’t get used to it”

“You’ll at least do it once when I look, right?”

“Hmm, maybe” You hummed.

“Aww, aren’t you two the cutest”

“Shut up Tim” Jason warned.

“Alright then, I won’t tell you what I found on turning off the weapon”

“Speak, Tim” You contradicted Jason’s order.

“First you have to apologize for throwing me out of a window”

You thought for a moment before answering. “No”

“Then no intel”

You sighed. 

“Let’s compromise then” You suggested. “I will not apologize because I am not sorry, but for the intel and not telling on me after you found out who I was, I will consider not pushing you out of a window again”

There was silence radio, then he spoke again. “Good enough for me. There should be a code pad, I decrypted it and the code is 0000. Yes I know, but then you’ll see a slit, and you gotta put your left hand in it. It’ll read pulse, heat, fingerprints, and more. Since you should share all of this with Luthor, it’ll stop. Or it’ll explode, that was unclear”

“Well that’s reassuring” Jason grumbled. 

“Alright, we’re almost there” You rolled your eyes. “Thanks”

“See ya later”

You turned off your comm and reloaded your shooter minutes before Jason pulled in the aqueduct yard. He parked his bike and you both easily climbed the barbed wire fence, and even though the place looked deserted, you remained careful. Luthor wouldn’t have left his device without surveillance. You grabbed your sword and fell in step behind Jason, who had his guns up. Then, he halted his steps and held a hand for you to do the same. You had this feeling you were being watched, and you could only imagine he had it too. 

“Get ready” Just as he said that, bullets began raining over you. “Go find the weapon, I’ll cover you!”

You held an arm up to protect your face and disappeared into the darkness. You kept running along the walls of the building, allowing you to get in undetected. You reached the main water room, where you could see from the upper platform about eight guards surrounding the very device you had been hunting. The countdown indicated 2:37, so you had no time to lose.

You jumped over the ramp and landed quietly on your feet behind the men. You approached the first one and swung your sword around to let it rest on his neck. You used him as a shield as the other guards noticed you, blocking their bullets. You raised your arm and shot your five darts at them. You pushed the dead man off of you and faced the two remaining guards, taking a fighting stance and swirling your sword at them. Before they could start shooting again, you lunged and knocked their guns out of their hands. They kept fighting around you, trying to get to you with punches and kicks. But they were sloppy and predictable, and even after one fetched a small blade from his belt, they were no match for you. You glanced at the countdown, and it almost reached the one minute mark. Your eyes then trailed on the two guards around you, still trying to get the upper hand. They both extended their arms at the same time for a hit, so you dropped to a crouch.

Like you did during training with Bruce and Damian, you sweeped your sword in a quick motion. Unlike them, however, your current opponent weren’t quick nor skilled. The blade of your katana sliced their knees, making them collapse on the ground. You quickly reloaded your last round of arrows and sheathed your sword, then made your way to the device. You easily found the locked pad and entered the code, then pulled off your glove and stuck your hand in the slit. You pressed the button and watched as the biometrical scan began. 

You heard noise behind you as backup reached the room, and without taking your hand out, you turned your body and aimed. The first five men fell, but there were still five coming your way, so you reached for your shurikens in your belt. But you didn’t get to take them out as other, all too familiar shaped shurikens reached the goons first. You sent a deadpan look at where you noticed none other than Red Robin standing there smugly.

“Oof, I hope you didn’t have dibs on them”

“I had it handled” You replied. 

“I’m sure you did” He smirked as he walked past you and took a look at the countdown, then at the weapon. His expression turned grim. “Twenty seconds”

The scanner was still working. 

“If it doesn’t work, you’ll have to slice the pipe off” You said, analysing the situation. Cutting the water and flooding the building would bring less casualties than letting the virus flow in the water system.

“What!?”

The system unlocked. You quickly entered the command to stop, and the countdown halted. You pulled your hand back and put on your glove again, then grabbed an explosive arrow. You planted the dart in the slit and backed up, pushing Tim with you. Soon enough, it went off and the weapon went up in smoke. 

“Phew, that was close” He blinked. “Well played”

“Motherfucking Dark Fox!” Jason dropped from the platform at his turn. His helmet was off and he had a wide grin on his face. “That’s what I call making a difference! The League could never”

“That was really cool” He nodded in approval. “By the way, what happened to, you know..?”

“Did you do it?” Jason’s eyes were now on you, his grin not so intense now.

“He’s gone” You said, but it didn’t help ease the questions in their eyes. “As in, I don’t know where he is. I let him flee to come here instead”

Jason’s eyes widened. “And you’re fine with this?”

You shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me anymore. His time will come, like everyone else. I just won’t be involved when it does”

“That was unexpected” He whistled. “But hey, what goes for you goes for me. Love the new mentality”

“Killing him was what the League would have wanted” 

“That’s nice. Good choice” Tim nodded. “So you’ll stay here then?”

“Well, not here, since bats and foxes apparently don’t get along” You snorted as you unclasped your mask and pulled back your hood. “But I’ll be around”

“About that, how does Blüdhaven sounds?” Jason chimed in again, sliding a hand around your shoulder. You raised your eyebrows at him “I’ve got a pretty nice place there, and it’s technically not Gotham”

“That won’t be necessary” A deep voice came from behind you. You glanced over your shoulder where the massive shadow of Batman stood. “I’ve seen you work tonight. You acted good, I can allow you to stay in Gotham as the Dark Fox”

Jason coughed in surprise as you blinked, then turned around. 

“Thank you” You began, nodding respectfully. Jason’s wide glance was now directed to you. “But no thanks. Besides, I still don’t need your blessing to stay, or to be me”

Bruce stared at you blankly, not moving or commenting. Your guess was that he wasn’t expecting this answer, or at least not delivered this way.

“Oh, B” Jason mocked as he put back his helmet. “Nice try. Anyway, we should get out of here before the cops show up”

You put back up your mask and hood and followed Jason out, waving at Tim on your way out. You left the aqueduct and waited until you were further into the city before ditching the bike and finding a rooftop to station yourself on, just in case you were being followed. The masks and helmets came off once again, and you took a moment to breathe the air from up there. It was a clear night, with a good wind chasing the clouds away. Jason observed the city lights with you, crouched on the ledge. Then, you heard quiet shuffling behind you. You spun around, then held Jason back when he was about to lunge. You kept your eyes on the outline of the figure in the shadows, knowing all too well who it belonged to. You took a few steps forward.

“You look different” Talia smiled. “A good different. I’m glad you finally found yourself” 

“Thank you” You lowered your head. “For allowing me”

“I only want the best for you” She stepped closer to you, her smile never wavering. “Has he taken good care of you?”

You both glanced at Jason for a moment, and you chuckled. “He has. He was gentler than I’ve been to him”

“I figured he would” She winked. “You two were meant to be”

Your smile dropped as you looked down. Surely, she would know what it meant. Her sympathetic eyes fell on you and her hand rested on your shoulder. You had chosen to part with the League, therefore, with her. It would be the hardest part for you. 

“You don’t have to explain” She reassured. “I knew this would come to this, and I am here to free you”

Your eyes shot up.

“I talked with my father” She explained. “Seeing your unwavering service for all these years, he has agreed to relieve you from your duties to the League. All he asks in exchange is for you to remain out of the League’s affairs, and he gave his word he will not come against you or your family”

“Really?” Your voice was barely above a whisper. 

Her smile was encouraging as she nodded at you. Slowly, you took off the black robe, exposing the silver fox on your back. Then you took out your sword from the sheath in your hands, kneeled and offered it to her. She took it and held it upright in front of you, just like the day you had been initiated in the League.

“In the name of Ra’s al Ghul, I release Thaelib fi alzalam from her servitude to the League of Assassins” She spoke. “Your debt has been paid and your bounds are no more. Rise”

You got back on your feet, your breathing hitching in your throat. You reached for your sword in her extended arm, looked down at it and putting it away again.

“Thank you” 

“You’re very welcome” Her hand went to your cheek. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I will be there for you”

“And I for you” You gave her a genuine smile. She offered her arm, and you took it at the elbow like she did. Your foreheads touched for a few seconds before you pulled away with a step back. 

“It was nice to see you again, Jason” 

“You too, Talia” He nodded with a small curve on the corner of his lips. 

“Take care, children” She said before disappearing in the darkness again. 

Jason approached you and took your hand, gently pulling your around to face him. He had this glint in his eyes, it was full of relief and happiness like you had never seen on him. To be honest, you were feeling the same way. It was like a burden had been lifted off of your shoulders, and you had never felt lighter. Sure, it brought you uncertainty to navigate without the League’s guiding hand, one you had relied on for most of your life, but it felt right. You knew Jason would help you like you had helped him, and things would start to look up from now. 

“So, what now?”

“I don’t know” You chuckled. “It’s the first time I don’t need to follow any agenda. I’m kind of lost” 

“Ah, this calls for the return of Teacher Todd” He grinned. “Lesson number two, you get to learn what fun and freedom taste like”

----

The grass was high as your mid thigh and small bugs swarmed up with every step forward you took. You didn’t mind though, you prefered it ten folds to the smog of Gotham.

For Jason, however, it was a different story.

He was sweating and grunting, and even if he was behind you, you knew he was getting annoyed by the flies and mosquitoes around. He was swatting his hand wildly and you could tell he was slightly regretting sharing his suggestion to you. The sun was high, and even for the end of the summer it was surprisingly hot. 

“Ugghhh” 

You rolled your eyes, but didn’t stop.

“Are we there soon?” He asked. “Jeez I had forgotten how far was that thing”

“Come on, stop lying to yourself” You teased as you spotted a familiar path up a small hill. “You like this”

He scoffed. “It reminds me of my ass being kicked”

“As I said” You smirked over your shoulder, and he raised his eyebrows at you. 

You climbed up the small hill and came face to face with a small, half decaying structure with the roof caved in by the elements. Moss and grass was growing on the outside of the round walls, but the feeling of home you had subconsciously associated with it was very much intact. Jason stopped behind you, his annoyance completely gone and replaced by fondness over the sight in front of him. There were so many memories tied to the small hut, some bad but mostly good, and it was like you could feel them all at once. You dropped your bag on the ground and took a deep breath.

“So, was the trek up here worth it?”

“Fuck yes” He sighed in amazement, his eyes never leaving the hut. “I missed this place so much”

“Even if we had to work hard for survival?” 

“Being here alone with you far outweighed any inconvenience this place brings” He stepped closer to you, his arm wrapping around your waist. Who would have ever thought? His nose nuzzled on your neck and your relaxed in his arms. “We’ll still have to do a bit of renovation around though”

“I hope you’ll help me this time” You looked up at him innocently. Last time you had built the hut alone before Talia had brought Jason, and even if he had been there, you would have absolutely not trusted him to help you with anything

“But you’re so hot when you work” He pouted. “I wanna watch and enjoy the view”

“And how would you make up all that work to me?” You asked, then you felt him smile on your skin. A smile full of mischief and promises. 

“Oh, I have plenty of ideas” 

“Oh me too” You grinned, stepping out of his arms, then you winked at him and disappeared in the hut. Only one hammock was still up, the other had fallen on the ground due to broken ropes. Stones of the small fireplaces were kicked in and weeds were growing around. The kitchen supplies were scattered around the makeshift shelf, but otherwise the place seemed to have been left untouched by human activity. Jason followed suit and took in the damages. 

“Do you think we can still both get onto this hammock without the ropes breaking?” He asked, side glancing at you. You rubbed your chin in wonder, then hummed.

“There is only one way to know for sure” You tilted your head to the side. You nodded at each other and he walked around you, with you in tow. He carefully lowered himself first, then opened his arms for you. You joined him, and waited for a few second to test the resistance of the ropes. You heard them creaking and straining, but you were still hanging. You relaxed, and barely a second after, the ropes snapped.

In a blink, you were on the ground, and both of your weights made the wood give in. You ended up in the dirt, directly on the forest floor. yOu remained in silence for a moment blinking at each other.

“Well” You sighed. “The hammock could not support us both”

“Alright, there is a lot to do” He conceded. “How about you fix this baby, and I’ll gather the wood for the fire, hunt dinner and get the herbs for tea?”

“That’s more like it” You said as you stood up and dusted off your pants. You offered a hand to Jason and you pulled him up with you. “Do you remember where are the bows and arrows?”

“In the bark of the oak facing the boulder, yeah” 

“Good” You chuckled. “I wasn’t sure you’d get it right”

“Come on” He groaned playfully. “I was quite a good student”

“Oh not at all” You laughed, taking a step in his personal space and looking up at him. “The worst, actually. You’re lucky you learned fast, or we’d still be there”

“Then I should have dragged my training on purpose” His lips hovered above yours. “You’d still be my incredibly unforgiving yet very hot teacher, and I your wild, stubborn and irresistible student”

“Hmm, does another sword in your shoulder sound good?”

“Only if I get to face you hand to hand”

“You’ve got yourself a deal” You whispered, before backing away abruptly. He blinked in confusion. “But it’ll have to wait. It’s almost sundown and we need to be installed by then. So get your sweet ass out there and stop distracting me here”

He sighed. “Why do I like it so much when you order me around?”

“I have no idea” You tapped his chest. “But the quicker we prepare everything, the sooner we can go to the lake for a swim under the stars”

He perked up at that, and with wide, excited eyes, he shot out of the hut faster than you could register. You chuckled and leaned on the threshold, lazily crossing your arms against your chest and taking a deep breath. You stared outside for a moment, enjoying the breeze and the sound of nature surrounding you. It was peaceful and beautiful, taking it in fully. 

Then, you got to work. 

[innovativestruggles]

Daisuke & Suzue’s Relationship Is Still Unclear

Okay I just finished watching Episode 4 and ta-da!~ Daisuke discloses that Suzue is a relative.

At first I thought it was the most anti-climatic reveal - ever (actually, it still is!). He said it so monotonously as well. Was pretty funny. 

Anyways, I gotta be really honest here but something really really does not sit well with me. What I mean by that is Suzue’s very over enthusiastic lovey dovey (almost obsessive) behaviour towards Daisuke. 

I am wondering whether this anime is going down the cousin x cousin pathway? Like they do in Black Butler re; Ciel x Elizabeth or something. Because it’s common in anime shows for this whole cousin x cousin thing going on I don’t know. Regardless, i have my theories. So let’s hear it.

The reason why I decided not to drop this whole Daisuke x Suzue relationship kinda thing even after Daisuke disclosed Suzue is a relative are for the following reasons;

1. The OP. OMFG THE OP!

JUST LOOK AT THEM OMG! SERIOUSLY?! It is so fucking romantic and don’t go making weirdass excuses that this is considered normal in an incestuous relationship. Because it is not. Gross.

2. Like i mentioned earlier, Suzue is way too over the top, almost obsessive with Daisuke. In the novel, she is Daisuke’s father’s secretary, so she does tend to the every day needs of the Kambe family as well. To what extent I don’t know but it seems the anime extrapolated this a bit more. Either way, the anime is following the novel quite a bit here.

3. Suzue being the relative completely disregards the sibling theory (which a lot of us non-sibling theory believers have used canonical evidence to dismiss). It also explains why she may look slightly similar to Daisuke. Who knows? But she may also not be blood related as well (see below).

4. Daisuke did not specify what sort of relative she is to him. A cousin? Distant cousin? Cousin’s cousin? How far away? Did one of her parents remarry into the Kambe family and therefore she is considered a Kambe? What about adopted family member? In the novel, Daisuke specifically stated to Suzue that she is “like family” and “consider [you] as family.” Also in the novel, when Suzue plays the decoy role, she would tell people (the men she tries to woo in order to catch them) that she and Daisuke are related/family.

5. I know the anime is loosely based on the novel, but judging from what I have seen so far and comparing novel vs. anime, there are quite a lot of elements they preserved. So I am not surprised that they are following the novel quite closely, with the exception of Haru as an anime only character (and some other bits and bobs).

6. I also noticed something as well in the episode

Daisuke never revealed to the audience why he left the mansion in the first place but it definitely has something to do with Suzue. There is still a lot of mystery that surrounds her and he seems quite rattled when he saw those (creepy) messages from Suzue cropping up on billboard signs and cash registers (lmao!). Even upon his return, he didn’t really acknowledge her, whereas the reverse reaction could be seen with Suzue.

In the novel, Suzue is extremely fond of Daisuke. Conversely, Daisuke is a bit standoffish with Suzue and i am getting very similar vibes regarding their relationship in the anime as well. So again, if they follow the novel, I don’t know whether Daisuke said “Suzue is a relative” because he just considers her as family or whether she is truly blood related. And again, I feel as if the show is still deliberately leaving their true relationship hidden. 

7. They are being vague again. First it’s her as ‘Kambe’ without specifying the relationship, then it’s ‘his grandmother’ without mentioning Suzue, now it’s ‘she’s a relative’ without showcasing what type of relative. I.e. Mikasa from Attack on Titan considers herself “as family” to Eren, so there could be that type of dynamic based relationship between Daisuke and Suzue as well. Who knows?

8. Can I revisit the crazy over the top Suzue again please? THIS WOMAN HAS LOST A LOT OF SLEEP OVER THIS MAN WHO DISAPPEARED FOR LIKE LESS THAN A DAY! And she is overly dramatic, lost her cool and just...i don’t know, but THIS WOMAN BEEN SITTING OUTSIDE JUST WAITING FOR HIM TO COME HOME! AND LOOK AT HER FACE! JUST LOOK AT HER BLUSHING FACE WHEN SHE SEES HIM!

And Daisuke is just as standoffish as ever. I don’t know about you but based on the vast anime I’ve watched, Suzue fits a very certain stereotype - that is, when a character likes someone, they act very overly possessive, protective and just wishy washy ...you know what I mean...so regardless of whether she is a relative or not, I am quite certain that Suzue has feelings for Daisuke.

9. The producers specifically stated in the interview that they added depth to Suzue’s character whilst preserving the original novel Suzue. I can definitely see this being done with her character personality. With regards to her relationship status to Daisuke, I honestly think it would be very poor on their part to turn a non-blood related love interest into a blood-related non-love interest. Just saying. I mean, they might have done it, but again, they did not specify anything. Suzue could still not be blood related (as Daisuke did not make it very clear). But if she is, I am curious to know how distant they are from each other. Would it be like so distant that they can still be considered as potential partners? I.e. Uchiha clan in Naruto or Soma family in Fruits Basket. Members from these families are all considered as relatives to one another (either by blood (distant blood) or marriage) and this could very well be similar in this circumstance re; Daisuke and Suzue.

10. Suzue’s role in the house is interesting. Especially attending to Daisuke’s everyday needs. I am wondering whether it is a hierarchal thing (because this can happen in certain families where there are main families and branch families) or whether again, Suzue was just adopted into the family/seen as a family member, but have taken on the role of attending to Daisuke’s needs. I find it very interesting how Suzue switched from calling Daisuke without honourifics in front of Haru, to calling him Daisuke-sama. That just means there is definitely a hierarchal difference and she is there for serve. Whether as a lower member of the Kambe family or secretary turned adopted family member, I am unsure.

Concluding Thoughts

These are all very speculative of course and I don’t like taking things on face value, especially when they hyped up Suzue’s mysteriousness from the very beginning. Something just does not sit right with me with the reveal and I think what really put me off drawing a solid conclusion was Suzue’s infatuation like behaviour towards Daisuke and how Daisuke was STILL vague about Suzue being ‘a relative.’ 

Of course, all this could be redundant and they may just stop it at Daisuke and Suzue are relatives. But I honestly doubt it. I really think there is more to it than meets the eye. There are 7 episodes left and they still have yet to reveal more family issues on Daisuke’s end. I think we will see a lot of this in the coming eppys.

Anyways, until the anime fully confirms the exact nature of Daisuke and Suzue’s relationship - if they are relative, what kind of relative? - then I will keep speculating.

And please feel free to refute any of the stuff I just said as long as you can back it up with some sort of evidence (either from the novel or anime itself). I know the anime is only based loosely on the novel but because I can see the anime drawing quite a lot of stuff from it, I will accept it as some form of canonical evidence. Please be civil and respectful. That’s all I ask.

Happy Speculating !~

[r6shippingdelivery]

Fuze and tachanka or some other operators on the base find out about glaz' and kapkans relationship and seem really against it and homophobic and all that shit but turns out it was all just a big misunderstanding, either they though one was cheating on the other or kapkan was being abused(?) Cause of all the.. *cough* love bruises on his hips and shit Idk

That’s an interesting idea 🤔 I do have an idea planned for the cheating misunderstanding, for a fic involving poly!Spetsnaz, so since I didn’t want to re-use a similar premise, I chose to go with the “suspected abuse” one. It’s a really out there idea, and I’m a bit nervous about the result. It already got longer than I planned, since I was aiming for a snippet under 1k and this is around 2k 😅

You can read the story here in AO3 too!

Coming out to their teammates didn’t go as expected. First of all, it was an accident. Glaz knew Kapkan was uncomfortable with the idea, and while he was of the opinion they couldn’t hide forever, for the time being he agreed to keep their relationship a secret. That they ended up kissing in front of all their friends was an accident, a miscalculation they blamed on the alcohol.

It happened during poker night, which had become sort of a weekly tradition. Bets were made, drinks flowed freely, and in general their guard was low. After all, most of the people in the room were their friends, there was no reason for them not to relax. 

At one point, Bandit tried to get Kapkan into some silly bet. Glaz wasn’t sure about the specifics, he’d been too busy trying to determine if Thermite was bluffing or not. He only heard the last part of the conversation, with Bandit saying that if he won, Kapkan would have to kiss Glaz. It was almost endearing how Kapkan’s friends were trying to set them up, albeit clumsily. 

Then, to everyone’s bafflement, Kapkan replied, “I don’t need a shoddy excuse to kiss moy dorogoy.”

After which he grabbed Glaz by the neck of his shirt and kissed him. The sniper was confused, because while feeling Kapkan’s lips on him was always a delight, he also knew this went against the hunter’s wish to keep their relationship a secret.

Predictably, the room exploded: hooting, clapping, incoherent screaming... everyone seemed delighted by this development - probably because of the betting pool they had going on, as Glaz learnt later. The only ones looking glum were Fuze and Tachanka. Glaz wasn’t naïve enough to think they would be totally fine with it from the get go, but he hoped they would eventually see reason. Despite the prevalent attitudes in Russia, neither of them had struck him as particularly bigoted. 

Maybe they were worried about what it could mean for the team, if this would cloud his or Kapkan’s judgement during a mission. So, for the time being, he put those concerns aside and enjoyed the rest of the evening playing cards, while an unusually affectionate Kapkan sat by his side.

Next morning Kapkan groaned and cursed when remembering how he accidentally outed them, but after the kiss and then going to sleep in Glaz’s room there was no backtracking now. The secret was out, and everyone seemed okay with it. Mostly. Tachanka and Fuze didn’t comment on it, but at least they acted as always around them. Well, around Kapkan. Glaz could swear their demeanor was warm with Kapkan and considerably colder around him. Which made no sense to Glaz.

For the rest of the week, he observed how both Fuze and Tachanka seemed to be fine with Kapkan yet became more guarded and silent around Glaz. There was also the fact they seemed to keep him away from the hunter. Tachanka often coming to snatch Kapkan away for some reason or another, or Fuze staying around instead of leaving the lovebirds alone. At some point he had the feeling they would forbid them to sleep in the same room if they could. None of it made any sense to Glaz. Why was he a problem in his teammate’s eyes but not Kapkan? Not that he wanted them to have a problem with the hunter too, but that one-sided distaste was really bizarre.

Glaz was a patient man, but he was also fed up with his teammates giving him the cold shoulder for no apparent reason, and decided it was time to have a talk with them. After asking around, he discovered Tachanka had taken Kapkan away for some extra training, which he wasn’t even surprised about, so he went to find Fuze instead. It was always easy to find Fuze, since he spent most of his free time in the workshop.

“Shuhrat, we need to talk.”

Fuze grimaced at that, maybe because he knew what this was about, or maybe because Glaz’s expression was the complete opposite of his usual friendly demeanor.

“I wanted to talk to you too. In private.”

The walk back to the dorms was excruciating, the silence between them heavy and awkward and full of anticipation of the worst kind. Once they were back in the privacy of the Spetsnaz quarters, Fuze just looked at him, clearly uncomfortable and presumably thinking of how to breach the issue. Glaz took a way more direct approach.

“Are you going to tell me now why Sasha and you have been treating me like I spat in your food and insulted your entire family?”

“I want to say I don’t think you’re the type of person to… I said nothing until now because I wanted to have more evidence one way or another, but Sasha insisted we had to act now.”

That made absolutely no sense and Glaz was getting increasingly pissed. “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“It started two weeks ago now, with Sasha saying how Maxim was reminding him of his sister before her own divorce, and not in a good way.” The explanation made Glaz blink, trying to process what the hell was that supposed to mean. “Maxim started to act weird, refusing to use the communal showers, always wearing those damn hoodies of his zipped up almost to his face. There were also the injuries, the sprained wrist, the busted lip. He never explained those, deflected the questions, you know? And Sasha… during their sparrings he noticed how Maxim sometimes limped a little, and the bruises hidden by the clothing.”

While Fuze talked, Glaz had literally felt how a burning cold fury grew as he realised what was being implied. The sheepish look from Fuze at the end did nothing to ease the rage threatening to overflow.

“You really thought, even for a moment, I am the kind of man to abuse their partner?” He hissed, slowly losing his composure the more he thought about it. Because beneath the anger, he was devastated that one of his closest friends would entertain such an idea. “Is that what you’re fucking implying, that you thought I was hitting Maxim?”

“I didn’t believe that!” Fuze shot back, agitated. “Sasha was convinced there was something weird going on, and we both know he’s not reasonable when he goes in protective mode. After we found out about you two, I suggested we wait a few more days, see how things went.”

“And what’s your verdict now, hm? What do you have to say?”

“I think Max has been acting weird, but I’ve seen how you two are around each other too,” Fuze sighed. “And I’m not sure you even realise how in love you both look.”

An uncomfortable silence filled the room, both glaring at the ground instead of looking at each other.

“Why didn’t you come to me with your doubts?” Glaz’s voice was small, still laden with anger but letting the hurt shine through. “Why avoid me if you were convinced of my innocence?”

“Because I had no idea what to say or how to apologize! Hey Timur, sorry I was cold with you, I thought Max might be in an abusive relationship, but then we found out you’re together and now I feel like an idiot, how’s that as a conversation starter?”

“Well, it would have been better than saying nothing!” 

“You’re right. I didn’t want to fuck up and I think I ended insulting you even worse. I’m sorry.”

Glaz nodded, silently accepting the apology. “About Maxim’s sprained wrist, do you remember how he boasted about swinging The Caber? Guess who ended up putting ice on his swollen wrist that night. The busted lip was from training, he didn’t tell me the details, so I assume it was an embarrassing and completely preventable accident he doesn’t want to disclose. As for the marks and bruises he hides, well. Couples fuck.” He felt a vindictive surge of satisfaction upon seeing Fuze blush violently, and continued his explanation despite Fuze telling him it wasn’t needed. “Sometimes I get carried away and get a bit too rough, but most of the time he’s the one asking me to mark him. Telling me to make sure he’ll feel it the next day. You should see my back, it’s like a wild animal scratched me. And you know how Max is, very private and weirdly shy about personal stuff. I guess he avoided the communal shower because he didn’t want people gossiping about the marks”

Ironically, that was exactly what happened. Kapkan would not be pleased if he learnt about it. In fact, if he learnt about this ridiculous situation about an abusive relationship, the hunter would raise hell. Glaz was quite sure he might even end up punching someone, most probably Tachanka.

“I’m sorry I acted like an idiot, and I’ll make sure Sasha realises he’s being an idiot too,” Fuze said again, looking truly remorseful. “You realise that if it had been you, or me, acting like that, Sasha would have done the same, right? He’s protective of all of us, even if he acts before thinking.”

“I know,” Glaz sighed. “I’m still pissed at him., though.”

With the air cleared, the unpleasant atmosphere was mostly gone, although Fuze acted like he wasn’t sure of how their friendship stood after that. Glaz wanted to reassure him they were still friends, but it could wait until tomorrow. He needed time to process everything first. It had been an extremely emotionally taxing conversation.

He retired to his room, ready to work through his feelings through painting, as he tended to do. Judging by how it was coming along, all jagged lines criss-crossing to hide the pattern beneath, Glaz was sure it wouldn’t be one of his best works, but at least it did its job to help him clear his mind. He was almost done when Kapkan barged into the room without even knocking.

“Timur, holy shit, you won’t believe the weird conversation I had with Sasha,” Kapkan said, a worried frown adorning his face.

“What happened?” Glaz was sure it wouldn’t beat his conversation with Fuze, at worst it would be on the same level, but then he doubted Kapkan would be so calm about it.

“I think Sasha might have a crush on me? He kept asking about our relationship, how long I’ve been dating you, and trying to talk about our sex life. He said I deserve someone who would love and worship me.” At this point, Glaz broke out laughing, Kapkan’s horrified expression making it even funnier. “Don’t laugh, I’m being serious! He was also weirdly hostile when talking about you, I don’t like it.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll talk with him and set things right. I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding,” Glaz replied, knowing what was Tachanka’s problem, and how it would stop being an issue soon.

“Hmm,” Kapkan wasn’t convinced, that much was clear. “I’ll go with you and make sure he doesn’t act too much like an idiot.”

“I think you’ll be surprised, he might be reasonable.”

Kapkan narrowed his eyes. “Are we talking about the same Sasha?”

Glaz chuckled, because Kapkan was right. Tachanka was usually stubborn and hardheaded, but this time Glaz had information Kapkan didn’t know about. And for now, he wasn’t sure it would be a good idea to tell him. Painting finished, he put the brushes aside and cleaned his hands with a rag.

“Enough about Sasha. We haven’t had much time for ourselves this week, how about we make up for it?” Glaz tilted his head towards the bed, and Kapkan took the hint instantly, grabbing his hands and dragging Glaz to the bed with him. 

Tomorrow there would be fresh marks on both of them, but he didn’t care. It was not a crime to leave a hickey or two on his lover, and part of Glaz wanted to see his teammate’s reaction.