#to put it in one simple way at least. from my own perspective. his actions rn't justified still but they can be understood. i understand.

[inconspicouslurker]

I love your hagsquad takes and hcs btw, and I was wondering do you have any for darius's friendship with eda and raine?

Thank you :D I mainly write them down here to keep them from cluttering up my mind. I figured to share them in a blog in case it might interest or entrained someone.

The thing about Darius that I love and find hilarious is that refined and posh Darius attracts feral friends.

Eda is well...we know how chaotic she is. Alador has own version of chaos. Eberwolf is legit feral. Perry isn't as bad as the others, but I think that kid has ran headfirst into danger to get first hand of the truth of the story multiple times. Plus, I think he gets very excitable. Odalia is a different type of chaos, petty and spiteful. The previous Golden Guard/ Darius mentor most likely had their own chaoticness with the simple fact of being Belos right hand man. Raine may be the least feral of them all beside Lilith. Which is refreshing for Darius. However Raine had their moments.

I assume, your question pertains their friendship to their younger years. I love Darius, and think about him and Alador often as they are my favorite hagsquad members. Darius and Alador are so intertwined that I never really put much thought of Darius outside of Alador (and therefore Odalia) in his younger years.

My take on Raine is they generally match the vibe, like a giant sponge that soaks in the energy and Raine hidden traits would surface to reflect based of who they are with. Which is usually near mischievous chaos since they usually hang with Eda. With Eda they own mischievous trouble making nature surface but they are a lot more aware of consequences of their actions then Eda. Raine try to be the voice of reason to Eda but get swayed by Eda (Mostly, Eda can talk them into anything with little reservation from Raine)

Now, Raine just one and one with Darius is a lot more dialed back. Raine calming maturity surface. As I mention before about Darius, Alador is his bestie, but I think he went along with Lilith. I love the idea of him being besties with Odalia too because it seems really fitting, but with flashbacks it doesn't seem that way. He just get along with Odalia really well as they have a lot of shared interest beside Alador. I am leaning towards Odalia and Darius were actually friends, but it more recent/the last few school years (not childhood friends) and Odalia was mostly associated with Alador which was extended to Darius as those two boys were nearly glued at the hip. Odalia was probably a pretty decent friend in her younger years but given a choice of something benefiting her friend vs herself she would pick herself 93.97% of the time. The 6.03% being something minor or trivial that she willing to give up when she in a pleased mood. Tho, he and Odalia probably bicker a lot over stupid teenager things for example, what's the better boy band. They are absolutely petty to each other over trivial things.

But teenage Darius and Raine? I assume pretty good friends with the short time frame they were giving during the school years. They may discuss more "adultish interest" such as "cultured" things that didn't interest Eda or Alador. For example, fine art and musicals and such. Both thoroughly enjoying their conversations as they probably don't really have anyone else to discuss to and it was refreshing to finally have someone to do so.

Darius probably gave a lot of advice on fashion to Raine how they can still look great while remaining neutral looking. Like, a minor small adjustment that took an obvious feminine or masculine article clothing they really like but the minor tweek on Darius advice made it neutral.

They both seek each other if they need a serious insight on something (Mostly their crushes on their besties) outside of their besties opinions. Both good at listening and giving advice with an outside perspective. Everyone but Alador knew of Darius crush but Darius was still in denial. Darius went to Raine when he stop denying and came into terms with his feelings for Alador. He discussed them with Lilith at first a few time but stopped. Lilith was great with the outside perspective but she didn't relate. It was much easier to discuss his pining with Raine who had experienced it. They get to bounce of each other their frustrations and woe. This deepen their friendship rapidly as they were confining their deepest selves to each other and neither said anything to break the others trust. Which is funny because their shared secrets they told each other, the student body has already speculated and was treated as common knowledge.

They both had an interest in the drama club. Darius making costumes and Raine with the music. (Alador was a total stagehand/set & prop design) Darius was also interested in acting. I think Raine was too but was really nervous about it, then discovered they had stage fright or something during their musical that scarred impressionable teenage Raine to gain stage fright. They didn't seem too nervous during H.E.C.K/I.F.W.O.T) granted they did a few times before hand so they had experience that may lessen their anxiety. But if someone who cannon been mention they had stage fright, they didn't seem too sheepish or nervous improvising to pretend to fight Eda with the spotlight on them in front of a coven head. All of the squad was involved in the musical. Alador wanted to stay backstage but was force to be on stage a handful of times due to lack of members to perform. He was terrible at it, and fell several times and kept going in the wrong directions.

Darius with Eda, I just have an impression he sort of hung back and let her do her thing. He was just along for the ride. He enjoys hanging out with her. She breaks him out of the cool maturity he hold himself in but she's like the devil on his left shoulder that he would roll his eyes playfully with a mischievous smirk forming on his lips when she whispers her devious pranks ideas and go along with it. She pretty much brings him back down to act his age or little younger.

They are also very competitive with each other. With physical prowess and sports to stupid wagers. Eda often dares him which he usually follows through even reluctantly because he prideful and he cant have Eda gloat about whatever stupid dare she made. Eda takes full advantage of this often daring him on things that she knows he right about but dares him otherwise because he has a need to prove her wrong.

All three together? Well, I think it changes up dramatic over the course of their school time. Raine was only at Hexside for a year or two and during that time Raine befriended everyone, have awkward teenage will they?/wont they? with eda, possibly follow through the will they part during the end of the year, and Darius own falling out with Alador. So with each episode of those would change up the dynamic of the trio.

The will they/won't they would have Darius rolling his eyes alot and teasing them playfully. Give them advice individual to help them along to get together. Eda called him out at one point about him giving advice but hasn't done a thing about Alador who he *OBVIOUSLY* has a crush on. Darius turned red and sputtered at that in denial.

Will they: Darius be happy for them but probably be nauseated of their sickenly sweet affections. Starts to feel like a third wheel. Especially if it was during the time of his fallout with Alador.

Between the two events: Darius would be slightly irritated by the obvious tension and feeling nauseous as they give each other lovey dovey eyes. "WILL YOU TWO KISS ALREADY!"

During the fallout Darius was most likely bitter at a few points, Especially if Eda and Raine are together. Not bitter at them, but bitter about his own love life or lack thereof while his friends flourishes before his eyes. If there was a angsty emo teenage Darius phase, it would be at this time. Him pretending and failing at hiding that hes not bothered by his falling out/ possibly turned down /possibly unrequited love. He spout cringy emo sayings when he feeling particularly low. “Never make someone your everything because when he leaves, there goes your everything.", “Sometimes it’s better to be alone. No one can hurt you that way.”, “What hurts more than losing you is knowing that you’re not fighting to keep me.” 

*Can you tell I'm enjoying imagining for the first time, a teenaged emo phased Darius here?*

Again, I haven't thought too much on it but here are my thoughts in the thirty minutes it took me to write this since it was brought to my attention. Hopefully, its was at least somewhat entertaining.

If anyone use any these headcanons, please give a shot out to me as I am trying to included in my own fic

[lillxart]

Snip from CH 9

“I never asked before, but why do you think Elenwen would want you dead? I mean, you’re really good with magic and you’re efficient with killing things.”

“HA! That’s certainly one way to put it. I imagine from an outsiders perspective that’s all the Thalmor would need from an Altmer.” Taliesin gave a dead chuckle and leaned back into his seat. Eventually she shrugged. “It could’ve been any number of reasons really. My brash attitude, my candid inability to hold my tongue–”

“–You do seem to be quite the quippy quipster 0v0”

Taliesin stopped and looked at her. Just stared at her face for a long time. Then his mind went back to the brilliant notes he just read, and then he looked back at her face again wondering how the person who wrote such notes and the ditzy Breton were the same person. “Do you have an alternate personality by any chance?”

“Wuh? 0<0 Nooooo, why? :>” There was nothing going on behind those eyes of hers.

“No reason.” Taliesin rolled his eyes. “Anyway, to put it plainly she wanted me dead because she doesn’t believe I’m a good Thalmor. I’m not a reflection of the Altmer people, not the pinnacle of bigoted lesser elf hating nationalists all the other members of the Dominion back home are.” He huffed. “Those of us sent to Skyrim are meant to shine in her own image, to make Elenwen look good… Apparently I didn’t make the cut.”

Snow White silently took in the explanation. She put her alchemist's tools down and lowered the heat of the beakers so nothing would explode. The witch found herself thinking of her own people, how she would never make the Spring Elves have to ‘shine in her own image’ and kill them if they failed. The weight of such a concept made her shoulders ache and her stomach curdle. It was beyond unfair and she hated it. Snow White looked back at Taliesin, who was staring down at a book, but not quite reading it. His brows were furrowed and he was clearly thinking about what he just told her, and of course what that meant for him. The high elves are an esteemed and prideful people. Being told that you’re not ‘good enough’ when your whole culture is based around perfection…

…it leaves a scar. 

“H–Hey…! What are you doing?” Taliesin startled at the Breton making herself comfortable on his lap. “Erm–ever hear of personal space? You could at least give a little warning first!” He raised his hands, panicking a bit and not sure where to put them. 

“Oh stop it -3- I promise this filthy halfbreed Breton won’t do anything to you. Just wanna have a looksee…” Snow White placed her hands on the side of his face, tracing her thumb down his cheekbone and using her index finger to trace the arch of his brow. 

Taliesin’s posture went completely stiff, eyes hyperfixed on her every motion as she studied him. His mouth was twisted into a nervous frown, very unsure how he should be reacting to her invasion of his personal space. Ordinarily he’d like some–warning before someone gets too close to him, his instincts from the war making him prone to skirt away or shove anybody that could be a threat. But the Altmer really had no idea what Snow White was doing. He cleared his throat, hoping to bait out an explanation from her. To no avail, since she remained quiet which only caused his face to go red at her continued proximity.

Once Snow White had examined every part of his face she settled back gazing into his eyes. Taliesin averted his stare, acting nonchalant about the deepness in her somewhat simple actions. “Are you done whatever it is you’re doing yet? You’re quite heavy.”

“No I’m not -o- I’m tiny and light. Shut up and look at me!” 

“Well that’s a polite way to ask for attention isn’t it?” Taliesin had never seen her eyes this close and for the first time noticed there were little…fractals of light deep in the grey. It would be wrong to describe them as gold, or green, or blue, but it was a mixture of all those colors. Just pure light. He found himself hypnotized by them. Since when could humans possess such a color pallet? They look like…diamonds. Seemingly satisfied, Snow White gave a hum and hopped off his lap. Taliesin felt like he could breathe again. “Do you crawl onto the lap of every man you meet, or am I just lucky?” 

“You look like an Altmer to me! :D” Taliesin glanced back at her and tried to pick apart that statement. When it was clear he couldn’t make heads or tails of it, Snow White giggled and poked his forehead. “I looked over every inch of your angular face! You have a pointed nose, ears that stick out like a sore thumb, that typical tired scowl high elves have, arched and well groomed eyebrows…”

“Am I supposed to be taking this as the strangest compliment I’ve ever gotten or are you spouting nonsense again…?” He rolled his eyes mildly insulted, though still a bit flushed.

Snow White only smiled brighter. She leaned back down and traced the rims of his eyes, continuing on her little tangent. “…you also have some of the most beautiful eyes Nirn has ever seen…” Taliesin found himself blushing, heart skipping a beat and mind not even processing that she could actually mean that. 

What? 

Snow White took a step back. “Soooooo, you’ve got all the attributes of a high elf! >W< Which means Elenwen is stupid!”

“Poft–! What? Did you; you stuck your grubby little hands all over my gorgeous face just to mouth off Elenwen?” Now he was really lost. 

“Well I had to make sure you were an elf! And you are! You’re all elf! One hundred and ten percent organically grown Altmer from the Summerset Isles! >v< If Elenwen can’t see how you’re not a reflection of the Altmer people when you are an Altmer then she must need glasses!” She pointed a finger up like a scholar at the end of their thesis. 

After a moment of thought, and soothing his rapid heart from the bizarre touches, Taliesin found himself smiling at her decisive; although naive way of putting it. He found himself quietly laughing, both in bitter irony and maybe even a little melancholy. He looked down at his gloves. The clothes of the Thalmor Dominion, the shell that covers him. “It’s not as easy as simply having the ears, the eyes, the skin of an Altmer. In the Summerset Isles if you aren’t the kind of elf they want you to be then you’re no elf at all. Death is merely the fitting reward for being sub-par amongst the expected standard…”

“Taliesin. No one has the right to tell you what you are except yourself.” Her back was turned to him, going back to check on her beakers. Her voice was serious, the certainty in her tone something he didn’t expect to hear from someone of her childish persona. It made her words more raw, and made Taliesin all the more discouraged. 

“Are you trying to cheer me up?~” Taliesin deflected how he felt with humor, smirk on his face. 

“Just stating the obvious! ^v^” Her brew started to bubble, she decided to focus on the milk. “Ohhhhhh OoO” 

Taliesin took the bait and went back to reading her magic notes, the audio of her excited giggles and the scrawls of formulas on parchment no doubt similar to what he was reading right now. After a moment to himself, Taliesin softly smiled. 

“No one has the right to tell you what you are except yourself.” It’s not that simple…

…It was…a nice thought from her, though.

[dat-dio-backpatch]

Band Practice, Billy's ending

Summary: You get a chance to have a long awaited conversation with Eddie on the ride back from band practice but all you can think about is what you're going to say to Billy when you get home.

Word Count: 3.5k

warnings: Swearing

A/N: I'm not sure I did Billy justice the way I intended to with this one, I may end up doing another small oneshot just because this man has been on my mind 24/7 since I posted the first part

Tags: @spacedaddydinn (if you want to be tagged in the Eddie ending lemme know and I'll add you)

part 1 part 2

~~~~ You were leaning against Eddie's van, waiting for him to finish up his conversation with the guys and enjoying the cool night air. It’d been a long night and you were more than ready for a relaxing drive home and a good night's sleep, though you knew there was still that phone call to Billy standing between you and passing out in your bed. Thinking about it made you frown, you didn’t know what you were going to say to him but you knew you couldn’t just end the night without at least smoothing things over with him. Previous unresolved fights with Billy had left you unable to fall asleep for days until you’d talked it out, you just couldn’t rest knowing that he was upset with you. Especially when you knew he didn’t really have anyone else to talk to about all the shit he had to put up with, thinking about him shouldering all that bullshit alone and in silence made your heart ache. Even in the midst of some pretty rough fights you still cared about him so deeply that it kept you up at night. You couldn’t really explain it to anyone, at least not in a way that would make sense. You just loved him, simple as that. You loved the way he smiled whenever he saw you, the way he’d absentmindedly ran his fingers through your hair whenever you sat next to him, the way he always had to be holding onto you in some way like he was scared you’d disappear if he let you go. From an outsider's perspective you could see why your relationship didn’t make sense, it was hard to see Billy being a loving person. But you knew Billy better than anyone else, probably better than he knew himself, and you could see just how much he loved you in his every little action. Sure he was bold when it came to kissing you and wrapped his arm around your waist whenever possible but the ways he really showed his love for you were far more subtle. Walking you to class everyday even if it made him late to his own, always ensuring he had your favorite mixtape playing whenever he picked you up, keeping every gift you’d ever given him on display in his room like trophies, so many small little actions that anyone else would probably miss. That’s how Billy showed he loved you and you loved him for each little subtle reminder he provided. 

“You ready to go?” Eddie's question snapped you out of your thoughts. You looked up to realize he’d wrapped up his conversation with the guys and carefully packed his guitar away in the van. 

“Yup, you got Ride the Lightning ready?” You asked, smiling as Eddie opened the passenger side door for you. 

“You know it” He returned your smile warmly, shutting the door behind you before rushing to get in the driver's seat. You spotted the cassette already sitting on the dashboard, watching as Eddie made quick work of getting it started. “It’s been ready and waiting for another one of our concerts for a while”

“It’s been a while since we put on one of our stellar performances hasn’t it?” You said softly as Eddie started backing out of the driveway, leaning over to place his arm behind your seat. 

“I was starting to worry we wouldn’t ever get an encore” He took his eyes off the rear window to look at you, still leaning in close. He looked almost sad as he spoke, it made your smile falter a bit as guilt started to pick away at you. 

“That’s stupid, you really think I’d give up on our dynamic dou?” You laughed, hoping to avoid a deeper, more emotional conversation. 

“I don’t know Y/N, for a while there it looked like you were leaving me in the dust” He leaned back into his own seat as he started driving towards your house, not going his usual over the top speeds as he wanted to make the drive last as long as he could. “With how you’ve been acting I don’t think it’s stupid to worry about you”

“Eddie, do you really think I’d ditch you like that?” You slumped in your seat, realizing that a deeper conversation was unavoidable. 

“You stopped hanging out with me, stopped hugging me, nearly stopped talking to me too. What else am I supposed to think?”

“I still hang out with you Eddie, and we’re talking right now” You said but you knew he had a point. Eddie had always been a sore spot for Billy and without really realizing it you’d started to let it affect your friendship. 

“Band practice doesn’t count as us hanging out” He was frustrated now “When was the last time you were over at my place, like two months ago? Three even?”

“Ok you have a point” You let out a deep sigh, you felt like shit. “I’m sorry Eddie, I’ve been a shitty friend to you and it’s not fair”

“What did I do?” Boy did that question make you feel even worse

“You didn’t do anything Eddie, you’ve been amazing actually. I seriously can’t believe you haven't blown up on me about this and ditched my ass” You said, you were being honest too. Why he was still around and still so calm when confronting you was surprising “I’ve just been too caught up in my own relationship to realize im treating my best friend like garbage”

“Seriously, why are you with that guy?” Eddie changed the topic suddenly

“I love him, Eddie, he doesn't always act like an asshole. Usually he’s sweet, and thoughtful and he's just bad at showing it” You were quick to defend Billy “Besides you guys obviously don’t like each other so of course he’s not going to be his best self around you”

“But why doesn’t he like me?” Eddie asked, voice raising a bit with pent up frustration 

“I don’t know! You guys like the same music, you both hate Hawkins and I expected you to be at least ok with each other but its just, “ You paused before continuing 

“It’s just what Y/N?”

“I think he's jealous of you, of our friendship” You admitted “He’s not good with people, not good at opening up and making actual friends either. I don’t think he’s ever even had a best friend before, so it’s easy to see why the friendship we have would set him off”

“Hargroves jealous of me?” Eddie was laughing now, apparently your answer was enough for him and you could get back to a normal goofy conversation. 

“You don’t get to go spreading that around!” You laughed along, though you were serious about not wanting Eddie to tell anyone about what you’d shared. 

“My lips are sealed, it’ll remain our little secret that Billy goddamn hargrove is Jealous of Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson” He was laughing even harder now, it was infectious and you found yourself doubling over in a fit of giggles. It was one of those ridiculous moments between friends where the joke itself wasn’t super funny but you still found yourselves laughing your asses off. 

“Speaking of secrets” You said as you fought to stop laughing “You seriously gotta tell me who the songs are about!”

“I’d much rather let it remain a mystery” Eddie said as his laughter slowly died out 

“But not knowing is torture” You slumped down in your seat to exaggerate your words 

“That's the point dumbass” Eddie was laughing again 

“Seriously though, who's the song about?” As funny as Eddie was being you wanted to know

“Guess, if you get it right I might consider telling you” Eddie said with a smirk

“Ok give me a hint” You sat up straight, excited to start guessing 

“Well you know the person”

“I know a lotta people, you gotta give me more than that” You argued, hoping for further hints

“They’re really badass and smoking hot”

“I don't really think that's helpful either” You chuckled “You’re less helpful than Gareth sometimes”

“Oh you wound me” He dramatically clutched his chest making you laugh even harder. “What kind of hint are you looking for”

“What do they look like?” You asked hoping for some more useful details

“Metal as hell, thats as close to a description as I can give” He offered

You sat there pondering for a moment, there weren’t that many people that fit Eddie's description of metal that you knew. You felt like the answer was obvious but just out of reach. 

“Stumped?” Eddie asked as he turned onto your street 

“Totally” you answered as you watched your house slowly come into view “Can’t you just tell me? What harm would it do if I knew your crush? I promise I won’t tease you about it, at least not a lot”

“It’d be the end of the fucking world if I told you who I liked” Eddie answered, sounding suddenly far more serious than before. He pulled into your driveway and put the van in park. 

“I think you’re being dramatic” you laughed awkwardly, unsure why his tone had shifted so suddenly “Eddie no crush, no matter how embarrassing, could ever be the end of the world. You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not and no stupid crush is gonna get rid of me”

“I don’t know about that” Eddie was still dead serious, “I might tell you, sometime in the future when the worlds not at stake”

“I hope that's soon, I’m really curious” you said smiling softly, relieved when he finally returned your smile with one of his own 

“I hope so too” he was smiling but he sounded sad 

“Well for now I’ve got a boyfriend to call and a comfy bed calling my name, I’ll see ya soon Eddie” You said grabbing your bag and hopping out of the van 

“Right, see you soon Y/N” You watched as he backed out of the driveway and you saw his smile fall as soon as you were out of the van. It worried you, Eddie usually shared even his stupidest most embarrassing secrets with you and now he suddenly decides to get secretive. But you had too much on your plate to dwell on it long, you brushed the thoughts aside as you hurried into your house. 

Once you were inside you leaned back against the door and took a deep breath, needing a moment to yourself before you went to call Billy. You’d known a relationship with Billy would be a difficult one before he’d asked you out, You'd known that he came with more baggage than most people and that it would take a lot of effort to make things work with him. But you also knew he was worth it, even in the midst of screaming matches and the silent treatment that followed, you knew Billy was more than worth the effort. The way his eyes softened whenever he saw you, the way he made you feel like the only girl in the world with a simple kiss and the way he was able to say ‘I love you’ through a million little actions let you know that Billy was someone you’d go to the ends of the earth to help. Even if he couldn’t quite say it outloud you knew he would do the same for you. With your thoughts somewhat collected you made your way up to your room, trying to decide on just what to say to him. All of those thoughts were suddenly stopped when you opened your bedroom door to find Billy asleep on your bed. Shaking your head and smiling softly to yourself you made your way over to him.

“Hey, hey Billy” You muttered softly as you gently shook his arm “Billy honey wake up”

“Wh, what time is it?” he grumbled, still half asleep as he started to slowly open his eyes 

“It’s just a little after 8” You answered smiling down at him as he started to wake up a bit more “You almost scared me half to death, I didn’t see your car in the driveway”

“Parked down the street, wanted to surprise you” He mumbled, slowly sitting up and rubbing his face to wake himself up fully. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep like that”

“Aren’t you romantic?” You teased him as you moved over to your closest to kick off your shoes and drop your bag. “I told you I was gonna call you, you didn’t have to sneak into my room to talk to me”

“I wanted to talk in person, I can’t say the shit I gotta say over the phone” He answered, watching as you moved over to your vanity and made quick work of wiping off the remains of your makeup. As hot as your heavy metal makeup was if Billy was being honest he always preferred you without it. You were beautiful, just plain beautiful and he was starting to worry he was going to fuck up the one good thing in his life if he didn’t suck it up and talk to you. 

“What do you have to say?” You asked, finally making your way over to sit beside him on the bed. Instantly he reached for your hand, intertwining your fingers and holding tight. 

“I’m, I’m sorry for fucking up your rehersal” He let out a huff, it was obvious he was struggling to get this out without muttering and you squeezed his hand for reassurance. It seemed to help as he continued to talk “I’m sorry I yelled at you over a dumb song, and I’m sorry I called Munson a freak”

“Why do you hate him so much?” You asked, hoping he’d be willing to have an actual conversation instead of brushing everything under the rug with an apology. 

“He’s too close to you” Billy looked away from you as he answered “You’re my girl Y/N, he doesn’t have the right to act like he does”

“Act like what?” You were pretty sure you knew the answer

“Act like you’re his” His voice dropped a bit towards that familiar angry tone as he said what you predicted he would. “And it’s not like you discourage him or anything” 

“Billy are you worried I’d leave you for Eddie?” You already knew the answer, Billys slight nod only confirming you guessed right. “I’d never do that to you baby”

Billy still wouldn’t look at you, but he squeezed your hand tightly

“Billy if I wanted to be with Eddie I would be with him and I’m not. I’m right here with you, with my amazing boyfriend who I love more than anyone else” You gently placed your hand on his jaw, slowly moving his head so he was facing you again. “I’d be a real idiot to abandon the most stunning, thoughtful man I’ve ever met. I love you Billy” 

“Love you too” His voice had dropped back to a whisper, sadness overtaking the last remnants of anger in his tone. “I’m sorry, real fucking sorry”

“Thank you for apologizing Billy” You spoke softly, wanting to make it clear you weren’t angry anymore. “Do you understand why I was mad at you when you dropped me off?”

“Cause I tried to make out with you in front of your friends” He muttered out his answer but you didn’t blame him, this stuff was difficult and he was trying. Especially with what he’d just shared about Eddie you couldn't bring yourself to be angry at his behavior. “Which you’ve told me you don’t like and I still did it cause I’m a territorial asshole and shitty boyfriend”

To most people this would sound like a guilt trip but you knew Billy, you knew that the way he spoke revealed much more about what he meant than his words alone. 

 “I’m sorry” His voice was still quiet and laden with guilt.

“It’s ok, just please can you actually mean it this time?” You’d heard this apology before, you knew he meant it each and every time but you wanted him to actually stick by it this time. “I appreciate you apologizing I do but you’ve apologized for this stuff before and it still happens”

“I mean it Y/N, I’m gonna do better” He was still muttering but you knew he was telling the truth, this wasn’t him just trying to placate you. 

“I love you Billy” You leaned forward to kiss him, gently cupping his face with your free hand as he leaned into the kiss. He didn’t try to deepen the kiss or take it further, instead he kept it light and soft. This was a level of tenderness Billy only displayed at night during these soft, whispered conversations. You hummed lightly as you felt Billy wrap his arm around you and pull you tight against him, breaking the kiss to bury his face in your shoulder. 

“I love you Y/N” He was so quiet now, he always got quiet when he was vulnerable “I don’t know why this shits so hard, I want to be good for you I do, but I just,”

“It’s ok Billy” You placed a soft kiss on his temple and held him tighter “I know you’re trying, I notice how much better you’ve gotten with stuff like this and I appreciate it more than you know. I don’t say it enough but it means the world to me that you’re putting in all this effort for me.”

“I feel like I’m not enough” Hearing that whispered confession nearly broke your heart 

“Billy baby you’re more than enough, You’re incredible, you’re everything I could ever ask for” You were quick to reassure him, gently lifting him from your shoulder so you could look him in the eye. “Billy I love you so very much, I love you for trying, I love you for all the progress you’ve made, I love you because you do things like park halfway down my street just so you can surprise me like this. You’re amazing in so many ways”

Billy didn’t say anything, he just leaned forward and kissed you. This time he deepened the kiss quickly, moving one hand to your lower back as the other found its way to the side of your face. You kissed back passionately, holding onto him tightly as the last of your anger and frustration melted away. You knew there was still a long way to go until Billy stopped picking fights with Eddie, a long way to go until Billy stopped having a problem with all the time you spent at band practice, a long way to go until all the little things that made your relationship seem so hard at times were resolved. But right now, with Billy holding you so gently as you lost yourself in his kiss, nothing mattered to you except the moment you were sharing together. The fight at practice faded into the background, Eddie's bizarre secrecy over the song ceased to matter, everything and anything that wasn’t about Billy and how soft his lips felt against your own meant nothing. These were the moments that proved just how far the two of you had come together and these were the moments that only strengthened your desire to keep fighting to make things work with Billy. It was here, in this whispered conversations and heartwarmingly soft embraces, that you were able to see Billy clearly. It was here that Billy dropped his defensive act, his territorial behavior and any survival instincts life had forced him to learn far too young, and here you could see the man you loved more than you’d ever be able to express. You felt honored each time Billy showed himself to you like this, knowing he had never before been able to trust someone with this level of vulnerability and if you were being honest with yourself you too had never trusted anyone the way you trusted Billy. 

“I ever tell you that you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen?” Billy asked briefly

pulling away from the kiss, his eyes were sparkling a bit with tears but his lips were pulled up into the brightest smile you’d ever seen.

“I ever tell you that you’re the most handsome man I’ve ever seen?” You asked, relishing in the honey sweet sound of Billy's small chuckle. You moved your hand upwards to gently play with his curls as he pulled you back in to resume the kiss simultaneously tugging you closer until you were sitting in his lap. He had his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, as if he couldn’t get you close enough. It was one of his small, subtle, ways of saying ‘I love you’, ‘I need you’ and you responded by holding onto him just as tightly, still gently playing with his hair. As if reading each other's minds the two of you moved to lay down, not breaking the kiss for a second. As you let yourself melt into the feeling of the kiss, of Billy's arms still wrapped around you keeping you pressed close against him, all you could think about was how much you loved him and how perfect everything was in this one enchanting moment.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Reiji Ecstasy [Epilogue]

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

Monologue

When the time came,

were heartlessly pulled apart. 

As I was being chased out of the Church,

I caught sight of a familiar face in the corner of my eye. 

This instantly lit a fire in me, (1)

after my heart had hit rock bottom. 

ー Yui is thrown out of the Church

*Rustle*

Yui: ...!

Male Clergyman A: ...Now scram. 

Yui: Wait! Let me see my Father...Let me see the Priest!

Please let me talk to him...Even if only for a few minutes...!

Male Clergyman B: We have been told not to listen to the nonsense spouted by a woman who let herself get won over by Demons. 

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: Eh...?

Male Clergyman A: Your request for an audience has been refuted. You are no longer welcome here. 

He says that he has no daughter. And that he has nothing to say to a Witch.

Yui: No way...

( I guess Father really has changed, just like Reiji-san said. )

( Or did I simply not know his true nature? )

Male Clergyman A: ...Take this letter and leave. 

*Rustle*

Yui: Eh...?

( This is Father’s handwriting...! )

*Flip*

Yui: ( This is... )

Monologue

ーー I pity you from the bottom of my heart,

knowing how much you have changed. 

However, it is not your fault. 

The only person to blame here,

is the Vampire King who deceived you. 

I shall avenge you. 

*Rustle*

Yui: ( ...I got it all wrong. Father has not changed one bit. )

( I’m the one who changed. )

( I cannot deny that from a young age onwards, I perceived Demons as evildoers who should be avoided at all costs. )

( However, through interacting with them, I gradually began to change my mind. )

( While there were times where I was treated horribly or their outrageous actions left me speechless. )

( Still, is their nature to blame for that? ...They each have their own distinct personalities, just like we do. )

( That’s what I came to believe. )

...Am I the odd one? 

*Rustle*

Yui: ( ...I’m not. )

ー A flashback ensues

Reiji: However, that was a mistake on my part. There was just no way...I would ever be able to cope with it. 

I have come to realize...That there is something much more important to me than these powers...And that something, is you.

ー The flashback ends

Yui: ( It wasn’t Father who guided me down the right path when I was ignorant. )

( He taught me many things. )

( And right now, the only person whose hand I want to take and spend the rest of my life with...is Reiji-san. )

( I refuse to believe that my love for Reiji-san is wrong. )

( I am certain of that. ...That is the only justification I need, right? )

ー The scene shifts to the guest room of Kino’s manor

Yuuri: What are you hoping to achieve by having the Vampire King be executed? 

Kino: Hm? It’s simple. 

I can’t imagine that Sakamaki Reiji had already chosen a successor to his powers at this point in time. 

Therefore, if I take his powers which will be left behind after he is executed, everything will get solved at once. 

Yuuri: However, I cannot imagine the people from the Church and the other Demons will simply stay quiet and let that happen? 

Kino: I mean, I’ll just find a way to talk my way out of it. I’ll pretend to want the best for them. 

Having the Church and the Vibora band together to defeat the Adler and the Wolves as we previously discussed seems like the most ideal perspective, right? 

So once they’ve wiped out both clans, I’ll kill Zweig and then it’ll be game over.

I’ll be able to get my hands on an immense amount of power without having to put in too much effort. This is what smart people do. ...Wouldn’t you agree? 

Yuuri: Yes, you are right. I expected no less from you, Kino. ...Simply wonderful. 

ー The scene shifts to the living room of the Mukami manor

Ayato: Phew~ I can lounge around for the first time in what feels like forever.

Kou: Excuse me? I think you’re getting a little too comfortable over there, plopping down on the couch with your legs up in the air over at someone else’s place. Can’t you have at least a little restraint?

Ayato: Nah. ...So, have you come up with a good plan to save Reiji yet?

Subaru: Che. Says the one who hasn’t even put in any effort to think of somethin’ himself. 

Ayato: I mean, not my fault that I can’t think of anythin’, right?

Kanato: For now, why don’t we set the Church on fire?

Azusa: And what will you do after that...?

Kanato: I don’t know. You guys should think of that.

Yuma: Hahー ...I’m pretty sure this strategy meeting could have gone somewhere if Ruki was here at least. 

Laito: That guy sure is a weirdo, staying behind all by himself in Eden as the whole place breaks down.

Yuma: Just let him do his thing. ...Well, I guess the most realistic plan is to find an opening and get him outta there on the day of his execution. 

Yui: Yeah...I believe so too. We’ll only have one shot but...I truly don’t think we have any other option. 

Azusa: Right...

Shuu: ...And will he be okay with that?

Yui: I don’t know. But I really don’t think there’s any reason why Reiji-san should have to take responsibility. 

( He is only feeling hopeless because he compares himself to Karlheinz-san who was simply too overwhelming. )

( However, Reiji-san has plenty of good traits as well. For example, the ability to feel which God could never achieve. )

( That’s why I believe that he shouldn’t lose his life here. )

( Even if he loses his authority and home, he can always start over from scratch. )

( Of course, I’m aware that it won’t be easy...But I don’t want to give up. )

Laito: ...I really don’t want him to just peace out and leave us to clean up his mess, to be honest. 

Subaru: No way we’re lettin’ him find peace while the rest of us don’t. ...I’m gonna prevent that. 

Kou: Ahaha~ Look who’s not being honest with himself again.

Subaru: S-Shut up!

Yui: You guys...!

( Reiji-san, everyone has got your back. So...Wait for us, okay? )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the forest

Yui: ( ...There he is, it’s Reiji-san. )

Ayato: Hm? He’s got somethin’ ‘round his wrists. 

Yui: Apparently he can’t use his powers while wearing those. 

Yuma: Ya wouldn’t guess from seein’ them. 

Kou: Shh. ...They’re talking about something. 

Seiji: ...I suppose I shall listen to the pathetic Vampire King’s final wish. 

Reiji: I am grateful for that. Well then...

You’re there, aren’t you!?

Seiji: You fiend, what are you doing!?

Reiji: If you are, please show yourself!

Yui: ( Could it be... )

Azusa: Eve...

Subaru: ...Get goin’. 

Yui: ...Yeah.

ー Yui steps out of the bushes

*Rustle*

On certain CGs, little black roses will appear on the screen. If you click on them, you get an extra line of dialogue.

“If I had to name one regret I will have...It would be that I will no longer be able to directly touch you with these hands.”

“You get to be here to witness this joyous occasion with me. I honestly do not think I have ever felt so honored before.”

Yui: Reiji-san...

Reiji: I am glad...that I am able to see you one final time. 

Yui: Please don’t say that!

I don’t want that. ...I could never cope with it!

Reiji: Those born as a human know that everyone’s life will to come to an end one day, no? Please think of it that way.

Yui: I can’t...I just can’t, knowing that Vampires are otherwise immortal.

Reiji: ...In the past, I would often find myself pondering over how I would spend the rest of my eternal life after losing you. 

I wonder just how many times I wished...that you could be an immortal just like me? 

Yui: Uu...

Reiji: However, I get to part with this World first, no longer having to worry about any of those things. I honestly could not be any happier.

Yui: Don’t say that...

Reiji: To us, death marks the beginning of a celebration. Therefore, I would like you to smile during my final moments. 

I would like your smiling face to be the last I see of you before I die. 

Also...

ー One of the Clergymen approaches Yui

Yui: ...What?

Male Cleryman A: Take this sword. 

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: W-What am I supposed to do with this...?

Reiji: ...This is my final request. Please end my life. 

Yui: Eh? 

Reiji: I would like to chop off my head, using that silver sword. 

Yui: I could never! No way...Why would you ask that of me...!? 

Reiji: You should be the one taking my life. ...Listen closely. 

*Rustle*

Reiji: Through meeting you, I was able to feel many different emotions. 

After experiencing joy, pain, grief all together, it was only then that for the first time, I realized just how powerful and precious the feeling of loving someone truly is. 

...While I failed to become a God like Father once was, unable to toss those feelings aside. 

I am grateful that in return, I was able to choose my own path in life. 

Yui: I...feel the same way. You were the first person I’ve ever loved this much...and you will be the last. 

Reiji: I truly am glad...that you gave me a chance to experience the feeling of satisfaction that comes from loving and being loved by someone. 

That is exactly why...I want you to be the one to kill me. 

I simply cannot think of another end for me.

Yui: ...

Reiji: May you please, with your very own hands...

Monologue

As he looks me straight in the eyes,

I break out in a sweat. 

My knees start shaking,

but I simply cannot run away now.

With the inside of my mind having gone blank,

I simply stood there frozen in place. 

ー The scene shifts to the World Tree in Eden

Ruki: ...Eden is crying.

*Rumble rumble* 

Ruki: ...? ...The castle is falling apart...

Almost as if it is lamenting over the execution of its owner? 

However...I feel as if these cries are different from the ones I heard before? 

I assume he is with her right now? He must feel internally at peace while looking death in the eyes. 

...The irony. 

...Karlheinz-sama. You truly were a God, were you not?

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) I did some research on the expression 心に火がつく which literally means ‘to lit one’s heart on fire’ and I found that it can be used in a variety of different context to express both a burning passion as well as intense anger. In Yui’s case, I believe it refers to her experiencing strong emotions (probably a mixture of both happiness and anger) upon seeing her Father. 

[gameofthronedd]

"I can't recall any instances where Alicent directly causes a large group of women, or women as a collective, to suffer." I mean she only let her known sex offender of a son terrorize the female staff at the red keep to the point they kept moon tea on hand and she'd bribe them to go away instead of letting anything happen to him.

She knowingly put girls into situations where they'd be raped and abused and didn't stop it. Even as young as 13 you can see on screen the way the female servants watch him and stay out of his reach.

The topic of r*pe and SA in HOTD (and GOT) is always going to be a sensitive and loaded topic, particularly when we are a modern audience viewing a piece of fiction that is meant to be reminiscent of medieval and highly patriarchal times. Almost every character in this universe is some degree of fucked up. As a modern viewer, I don't agree with the actions or morals of a majority of the characters lmao and honestly I prefer engaging with ASOIAF and its world because these characters aren't heroes and they aren't perfect.

On to the topic at hand. I think it's horrific that these girls are being assaulted and that they don't receive justice. However, from an in-universe perspective, what is Alicent reasonably going to do? She can't exactly execute or imprison Aegon and she isn't going to physically maim her son. She scolds him and even physically reprimands him but that's more or less the extent of what she's reasonably able to do when it comes to the prince and her own son. From an in-universe perspective, Alicent is doing as much as she is reasonably able given the circumstances. She does provide support to some extent for these assaulted girls - money, moontea and some empathy. We know as a modern audience that there is a more ideal outcome, of course, and that if it was a world that prioritised women and their safety, this likely wouldn't happen or there would be more serious consequences, at least.

ASOIAF and its world is a rather horrifically brutal world. Overall, I think it's difficult to decide who is "deserving" of sympathy when almost every character is morally questionable at one point or another, and at the end of the day it is up to the individual reader/viewer to decide that for themselves. Personally, I think most scenes, particularly loaded & morally debatable scenes, should be interrogated deeply and from a variety of angles because the series in general demands reflection and close analysis, and simple, black/white answers are seldom found without erasing or disregarding necessary angles of analysis.

I'm not going to tell you that you have to feel sympathy or whatever for Alicent because that's your opinion and I'm unlikely to make you like her or sympathise with her if you already have bias against her. My only problem when it comes to lacking sympathy for a female character is how that lack of sympathy is expressed. If it's regurgitation of misogynistic rhetoric then I have a serious issue with it. Critique, dislike, apathy etc. are fine. You do you.

But I don't find it cool when Alicent is the subject of victim-blaming, derogatory language and fantasies of violence, particularly from "feminists" or women in general who, arguably, should know better. If you don't have sympathy for her, then that's your prerogative. However, personally, I have sympathy for her as a woman given the particular circumstances and I like Alicent as a human and flawed character living in a brutal society, and I have sympathy and empathy for her as a woman and a victim of abuse. And I'm personally not really bothered about whether she's a feminist or a "girlboss", she's just a character I find interesting.

To conclude, I personally disagree with Alicent doing damage control for Aegon and Aegon is obviously horrible for what he's done. You are free to have your own opinions of whether Alicent is correct in what she does. Personally, I dislike it and it isn't "feminist" to be certain but I'm not going to ignore the context of the world when trying to understand why Alicent does what she does or who she is as a character. But, yes, to conclude; if you don't sympathise with her then that's how you feel, I'm not going to change it when it seems you are already decided.

[smalltownfae]

Rating: 2/5 Stars

I am just so deeply disappointed in this one. I cannot believe this is the conclusion to my favourite book in the series. I can't believe that this is the resolution to that plot and those characters that were so brilliantly introduced and developed in the previous book.

In this one, the plot revolves around stealing the alchemist's books in order to stop people from creating another rekharo. That is a simple enough plot so one would think that this book would be more character focused like the previous one. It was not. There was a lot of focus on the importance of obtaining these books and on Alec's clan, which had their first appearance at the end of Shadows Return.

While Shadows Return focused on the characters, this book felt more focused on the plot (especially in the second half). Character's feelings were set aside in order to advance the plot and at times they even seemed to act out of character. There wasn't enough time dedicated to the characters reflecting on their actions and the interactions with each other were too brief. The best part of it was the first half, which was more slow moving and looked like a slice of life story, as it's typical for this author. The first halves of the books are always less action oriented. I really liked the scene with the huge adult dragon.

I absolutely hated that the new characters introduced had their own perspective. That was not necessary and I was bored out of my mind reading those parts because I found those people so boring. It would have been fine to see these characters through the main perspectives. There was too much time dedicated to these people that weren't fleshed out enough and that I didn't care for. The pointless battle near the end was the worst too. Why was this really necessary? The best part of it was seeing an original rekharo because the idea of them and the design is just cool. I could have gotten everything important said in those boring chapters through Alec or Seregil's eyes and the book would be better for it.

It's even worse taking into consideration that to give room to these new uninteresting characters, the two actually complex characters from the previous book show up very little. The ones that are actually important due to the relation they have with the two main characters. They were treated so badly after so much care was put into developing them in Shadows Return.

[SPOILER] Illar didn't act like himself, which is more or less understandable, but I hated how everyone treated him and was disgusted by him because of his trauma. I hated that Seregil only spared him a few words after everything that happened in the previous book and even in the brief scenes in this one. Sebrahn was a bit more lucky because the first half actually had some nice moments with him and Alec and Seregil, but he was set aside on the second half and Alec gave up on him with too little on page reflection on his part. Sebrahn was also very accepting about being abandoned when it's obvious that he does care for Alec. Everything about those resolutions was a mess. I hate how Ilar is left with an open ending and I refuse to believe he got caught again to be tortured. At least I was spared the confirmation and I can pretend he managed to go live somewhere and be safe. [END SPOILER]

I am so upset by so many of the decisions in this book, but there were still some good scenes, especially between Alec and Seregil and the ones in the first half of the book. I just wish more care had been put into the characters readers already knew and were interested in.

This is definitely my least favourite book in the series and I hope there is no other like this. The way it ended makes me think that there was a reset button and the next books will be just random fun adventures. It will be like these two books didn't happen and I am so mad about it because I loved Shadows Return so so much. Well, I can always reread it and ignore this one.        

[segara-asa]

A detailed process of healing.

I tend to think in complicated ways and also sometimes am very detailed (only happens when I'm processing my thoughts)

I believe human feelings aren't as simple as a single number standing on its own. But more of 1+1 or 1+2+3. Maybe like the computing system of 010010100101 never only 0 or 1. Although it started with a single digit, I couldn't believe people can simply have sadness or happiness without reasons or triggers. At least that's what I learned from my feelings and emotions.

I know I said that loneliness is the loneliness that we need to accept in its raw form. Without the need to reason it with our ego. Yet I am still not convinced by a single feeling that never changed.

When I'm working to understand myself and the sources of my agony, I see myself making formulation of emotion+reasons. That makes me behave and think the way I am (or was). So another human being must have the same concept of emotions as me. The 01010010101 formula for specific feelings such as envy. Someone can't develop feelings of envy without reasons or background. Inside it must be another formula of insecurity + unmet expectations to make a human feel envious of something.

This is the reason why I upon asking about someone's honesty towards their feelings to me or other things, must think that they have other hidden reasons behind it. Most of the time, my suspicions proved to be true. They also had the same formulation as me. Beneath the feeling that they disclosed, some other raw feelings were involved in the making of that final emotion.

But I couldn't find anything from the two humans closest to me. I've known each of them for 5 and 10 years with different types of closeness yet in the same depth. One is my best friend. One is my lover. Their actions and thoughts are the most alien to me 😅 They are the ones with sincere feelings I ever know. Their feelings if not consist of a single raw feeling, are only formulated based on 01.

I had a hard time finding out their true intentions toward me. What they show, is the purest form of thinking. If my friend said he misses hanging out with me, it's because he misses hanging out with me. Nothing complicated behind it. Not like most people with hidden agendas.

Last night, my lover said that the reason he left me was that he can't contain seeing me in despair being attached to him so much it kills me. Putting aside his own needs to have and be with me, he decided to let me go for good. Only last night did I learn how hard it must be for him to do that. For the past 6 months, all I could think was he does not want me anymore.

He went through hell when we were together. Only make sense to me that we broke up because he cannot take it any longer and had enough of my destructive self. Like you had enough of a toxic friend, you are suffocating and need a breath of fresh air so you chose to leave them and your life gets happier after. That's what I believe the case was. But it was not.

Instead, he misses me all the time. Life is okay for him, with less trouble for sure but he still offers me help, still got my back, and still promises me that he is not going anywhere far from me.

Using the formulated way of thinking, all I can figure out why he behaved like that was because he did not want to make me hate him. It's like he just wants a peaceful life without me, but he can stretch a few of his boundaries to meet me and help me just for the sake of being a good person.

Turns out I was wrong. Before realizing that I am so full of myself, all I could think was that people could never be purely sincere and or normally will do things based on what is advantageous to them only. It wasn't making any sense to my self-centered personality. It's impossible to be a good person without zero expectations. Like a serial killer can kill people just because he wanted to. Must be a reason for it, bad or good things.

Yet he proved such a new perspective to me, that he can be a good person just because he wanted to. Without expectations or personal benefits reasons for doing it. I heard about a hero becoming a hero just because he wanted to help people, and that's it. But in my mind, it's just like a tale people told to ease our hopeless souls wishing for pure sincerity in this wrecked world full of liars. I believe more in this life with liars that existed together and help each other despite we try to gain more from one another behind our actions. Yes, I help you, so you can help me if that means we both get what we wanted. That's what supporting each other means to me.

Hell, now this is such an eye-opening experience for me. You can love a person, truly love a person, and sacrifice your happiness for them. If this is the case, I don't have to worry anymore about trivial things such as the feeling of not being perfect enough for him, or not being helpful enough, even feeling like he does not care about me enough, does not appreciate me enough, just because he didn't show how much he loves me through actions that I expected. I actually, no longer need to expect anything from him because he showed me that he is a person who is willing to do anything for me. And I don't have to overthink everything with him. I just need to be me, to do what I want without feeling insecure that he might look down on me.

Only after 5 years of relationship and 30 years of living my life, did I finally understand what expectation is. And how to never expect anything from this life, as what goes around comes around naturally. What's mine will be mine. And what's not mine to have, although with force, will still never be mine. But on contrary, what I worked for sincerely with the force of constant commitment, and pure intentions will surely be mine.

[wastelandlovingscenarios]

I want this to be a short request but how would crushing!companions react to sole who holds their hand whenever they get scared and it slowly turns into a habit for them to always hold onto his hand?

omg this is literally so cute, bye. 🥺💗 i hope you enjoy, anon.

to keep it short, i’ll just write their reactions to when sole holds their hand and i will put ‘companions react to sole holding their hand as a habit’ in a separate post! <3

-

Danse:

it’s nothing new in his life— he’s experienced his fair share of people holding onto him during stressful and terrifying situations, so it’s something he’s used to. however, sole is an exception in this case. it’s been quite a while since he’s caught feelings for his companion, so it’s different in certain situations with them.

when they first get startled and hold his hand, he tenses up, his mind going completely blank as they wrap their fingers around his palm. though millions of people have done the same action to him in the past, this one feels different and he swears it makes him feel emotions he’s never truly felt before. before he can question what their intentions were, he noticed how they drew closer to him, eyes frantically scanning their surroundings and he realizes that there may have been an uncomfortable presence around.

so danse slowly takes a breath and squeezes their hand in return, looking down at them with red cheeks and a nervous expression. “you’re safe, don’t worry. if there appears to be any threat within our vacinity, i will neutralize it as best as i can.” when they look at him with a relieved smile, he feels his heart swell with emotions he’s never felt in his lifetime. he doesn’t dare to let go until sole feels safe enough to do so and even when they do, he fights the urge to take their hand in his once more.

instead, he impatiently waits for the next time he has the chance to hold their hand in his again, already excited though he refuses to admit it.

Deacon:

deacons not a very affection man nor has he received any affection from any other individual besides his late other half. To say this situation was terrifying for him was an understatement. he’s probably already dreading the fact that he has an unavoidable crush for his companion, not wanting to deal with that type of stress no longer.

the first time his crush rushes to hold his hand out of fear of their surroundings, he immediately pulls away out of habit and stares at them with a lump in his throat, words scrambled and refusing to leave his mouth for a moment. “i-, uh-“

with a mortified expression, sole waves it off with a flush on their face and an embarrassed tone, “shit i’m sorry. it’s just a habit, please don’t mind me.” they slowly distance themselves away from him and deacon quickly gets his act together, inwardly panicking that he may have hurt their feelings unintentionally. “no, it’s fine. i just- uh.” they tilt their head with a confused expression and instead of explaining himself, he lets out a soft apology and awkwardly goes on his way to save him the embarrassment. when he thinks about it later, he feels a pang of guilt hit him and realizes he may have been too harsh, so he tries to make an exception.

next time around, when sole does accidentally jump to grab his hand, it takes him a moment to calm himself down but does gather the courage to return the gesture. he would notice the surprised expression on soles face, and even though he’s internally losing it, he musters up the same shit eating smile he always has and cracks a joke; “charmer, i know it’s hard to stay away from me, but you could at least try.” when sole doesn’t respond and sends him a confused expression, he gives them a small smile and tugs their hand, “that’s okay though, i don’t mind. good ol’ deeks will scare the monsters away.”

when sole lets out a small chuckle, he feels himself grow agitated and immediately whips around to hide the blush on his face as he drags sole along with him. “we better get going if we wanna get outta this scary place. yknow, before you jump out of your shoes.”

Maccready:

he’s very to himself in most situations and values his personal space just as much as most people do in the commonwealth. he believes in a personal bubble and really enforces that idea, respecting his own personal space as well as others. however in this case, mac is probably just as scared as sole is, though he may be a lot better at hiding it.

when sole does grab his hand, he doesn’t give attention to it at first due to him being scared as well but when he does notice them showing signs of fear, he tries to reassure them, even though he’s flustered at the sudden contact. with a deep breath, he sucks in his negative emotions and decides to step up to bring comfort to them.

“hey, you okay?” when sole doesn’t respond, he just pulls them closer and squeezes their hand gently to grab their attention. when they do look at him, he smiles awkwardly, a inevitable blush dusting his cheeks. “earth to sole?”

when they explain their habit of doing so, he tries to lighten the mood by telling stories about his life in the capital wasteland and how he felt during his time at little lamplight, letting them know that he had similar fears and still continues to have them despite him experiencing the wasteland for years.

soon enough, their hands naturally find home in each other as they both continue exchanging similar experiences they’ve had, laughter filling the silence that sole feared just moments back.

Hancock:

hancocks a very touchy man and people do show him quite a lot of affection, so just like danse, he’s used to the constant attention others show him, only this time, the perspective is a little different. he enjoys it far more than other companions and doesn’t mind when they rush to hold his hand, though it catches him off guard.

for a moment, he processes the events occurring but once he does, he lets out a soft smile and a chuckles under his breath. he wants to let out a flirtatious comment or two, but fights the urge and instead, soothes their fear instead of embarrassing them.

“don’t worry, sunshine. you know i wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.” he’d rub his thumb against their knuckles and smiles when he sees the tenseness in their body melt away. “in fact..”

when he lets go of their hand, he sees the panic grow on their face and lets out a small chuckle. with a swift movement, he gently throws his arm over their shoulder and pulls them closer, rubbing their arm reassuringly.

“.. this might be a little more comforting. no matter what happens, i’ll always be ready to protect you this way. don’t you agree?” when they chuckle and nod at his suggestion, he pulls them closer to his body, whispering loud enough for them to hear.

“ ‘m always here for you, sunshine. you don’t ever have to be scared, especially with me around. don’t ever feel like you have to hide it from me.” sole lets out a small hum before leaning into his touch, trusting every word that left his mouth.

Nick Valentine:

nick is very understanding with a situation like this and doesn’t mind it one bit. though he does get a bit flustered, he tries to play out the scenario in a way where they won’t feel embarrassed about the events occurring. he’s aware that everyone has their fair share of fears, no matter how tough you play out to be.

“things can get pretty scary around here, i know.” when he smiles down at them, they feel a sense of ease and relax into his touch instead of having the urge to pull away. “waking up 200 years later in a completely different life will do that to you.”

sole would sigh and hold his hand tighter, their voice barely a whisper as their cheeks flush with embarrassment. “i wonder how you do it sometimes.”

nick lets out a small laugh at their reaction. “it wasn’t always like this, sweetheart. i was just as scared as you, maybe even worse.” sole looks at him with curiosity as he continues on, “theres always something new everyday but soon you’ll learn how to adapt to it.”

“you think so?”

“i know so.” his words are full of reassurance and comfort, allowing sole to let go of any negative feelings that filled their chest.

“good thing i have the best companion in the wasteland to guide me around this hellhole.” sole puts it out as a joke, but knows a part of it was the truth that she was wholeheartedly grateful for.

he proceeded to rub his thumb on their knuckles, feeling a sense of happiness in their comment, “i’ll do my best to meet your expectations, partner.”

Preston:

poor boy. he’d be a blushing mess if sole were to ever do something as simple as this. if they were to dart to grab his hand, even out of fear, he’d stutter in confusion, obviously flustered at the idea of them latching onto him. “w-what are you d-doing?”

his body would immediately freeze upon contact, stopping in his tracks despite the possibility of getting attacked at any given moment. when he catches the terror in their expression, he’s reminded that the general has their weak points too. so instead of questioning their actions any further, he tries to reassure them despite his pounding heart.

“did you wanna turn around? we can always find another route. we could even send a team of minutemen to do this for us.” when sole shakes their hand and swallows the lump in their throat, preston lets out a soft sigh and smiles at them softly.

“just leaving the suggestion out there, general. say the word and we’ll turn right back around.” sole would shake their head, their stubbornness peeking through the look of fear twisting on their face. “it’s fine. i can’t be selfish and let it get to me.”

preston would feel his heart swell at their sacrifice and the determination that they held, despite the odds going against them. gently, he squeezed their hand and looked down at them, seeing the curious expression on their face. “if that’s the case, just know i’m confident that nothing will tear you down. i have your back every step of the way,” he pauses for a moment, rubbing the nape of his neck nervously with a dorky smile, “even if it mean- uh -holding my hand. i’d be more than happy to.”

after a few moments of silence, sole processed his words and smiled at him in response, returning the squeeze. “thank you, preston.”

Sturges:

sturges is aware he isn’t the strongest man in the commonwealth nor does he have the ability to protect sole in most situations. however, if he had a choice, he would do the best he could and he knows that sole is aware of his intentions. yet, when they yelp with fear and lunge to him, taking his hand in theirs, he realizes that maybe he isn’t as weak as he sought out to be.

“you holding up ‘lright, sweetheart?” when they notice their actions, their expression slowly twists into a terrified one and they attempt to retrieve their hand as quickly as they can. sturges doesn’t stop them from doing so and instead just laughs heartily and offers his hand to them despite their reaction.

“i’m fine with it, yknow. i wasn’t complainin’ or anything, just wanted to check if you’re okay.” sole hesitates for a moment, eyes flickering from his hand to his face before replying. “are you sure it’s okay? it just gave me a little scare, you don’t have to-“

before they could continue, he moves closer, taking their hand in his with a light blush on his cheeks and a reassuring smile plastered on his face. “it’s the least i can do for you.” his actions are more than enough to reassure sole and they nod, accepting his offer. “thank you, sturges.”

Gage:

he doesn’t like crushes— gage is so used to the habit of a one night stand and constant hook ups that he absolutely forgets how loving someone feels like. as sole grips his hand in fear, he chokes up for a good second and immediately gets himself together, retreating his hand and glaring at them.

“the fuck you think you’re doing?” despite his tough demeanor, his voice becomes slightly shaky and a small tinge of pink dusts his cheek. this doesn’t go unnoticed at first, but sole knows they’re too distracted to point it out.

they would apologize with an embarrassed expression and he’d avert his eyes elsewhere before continuing on; “yer the damn overboss, some stupid shit like this shouldn’t scare you. you gotta be tougher than that if yer gonna survive in this world.”

he doesn’t realize the words that leave his mouth until his eyes fall on sole, who’s clearly embarrassed and overwhelmed with the situation and immediately feels a tinge of guilt. with a quiet groan, he slows down and averts his eyes elsewhere, waiting for them to pick up the pace. when sole lets out a confused hum, he forces the words to leave his mouth.

“hurry up and get in front of me, why don’t ya’? yer acting like i’d let the overboss get hurt on my watch.”

they would pause for a moment at his words but feel a sense of reassurance knowing that gage had their back, despite his attitude towards them. “okay.” sole would smile at him softly and he’d scoff, fighting the blush threatening to creep up on his face. this stupid love bullshit was doing nothing but holding him back.

“yeah, yeah. lets get a move on before i leave ya out here to get eaten.”

[mishasminions]

The Last Time I’ll Write a Long Post About Supernatural (15x18-15x20)

15 YEARS OF WATCHING THIS SHOW. 11 YEARS OF RUNNING A BLOG ABOUT IT. IT’S BEEN QUITE A RIDE.

[15x20 Speculation + evidence at the bottom]

First off, I just wanna come clean and say, after all these years, I still think they should’ve ended at Season 5.

If you’re going to come at me with “Then why’d you stick around to watch it if you didn’t like it?”, your question is immature, and the answer is simple: I just want to know what happens next (I also love the main characters and their actors too). You can watch a show and still think it’s shit.

Call me a clown, but despite all the disappointment and trust issues that this show has given me, I would still look forward to the day where it might just turn itself around and bring back the quality it once had, or realize the potential of each story it was trying to tell, or at the very least, do justice by my favorite ship.

Never happened.

They’ve had a few good episodes here and there. I can’t imagine the SPN Universe without The Man Who Would Be King, The French Mistake, and Scoobynatural. Seasons 6-10 were enjoyable at times. I blocked out most of 7 & 11-15. 

If you’ve been following this blog since its heydays in 2010-2014, you’d know I’d try my best to defend Destiel and this show’s decisions regarding it no matter what.

Because you know what, as a CONCEPT, this show is good. If you take a look at all the worlds its storylines have birthed in fanfiction/fanworks, you’d see how much Supernatural has wasted its own story arcs. The writing got shittier as each season progressed, and they’ve obviously given up in production as well because the quality in the execution has noticeably gone down too, but if you take a step back and take a look at the bigger picture, you’ll see that this show still tries to make sense of itself.

[If you’re still following this post, please bear with me, I know this is long, but I just want you to understand how jaded and pessimistic I am with regards to this show, so maybe you can buy into whatever hopeful thing I’m about to say later on.]

SO LET’S TALK ABOUT DESTIEL

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that they would give us Castiel’s “I love you” speech. To the point where, if I weren’t so desperate for it, I would argue that it was completely out of character for him to word vomit the way he did (but I’m not gonna diss on that right now because I’ll take what I can get).

I’ve valued every meaningful and obscure exchange that Dean and Cas have had in the earlier seasons, and I was willing to accept their relationship as just that--undefined, without any clear boundaries as to what they really are. And I think that was beautiful on its own.

But now, they’ve chosen to define it.

After they’ve driven every possible wedge between Dean and Castiel in seasons 11-15, to try to explain away their feelings as something they offer to a collective.

Dean can’t mourn and pray for JUST Cas, he has to mourn and pray for EVERYBODY--even Crowley, even some chick he just met, because god forbid he cries about just the guy who has given up everything for him--that would be “too homo”.

They’ve even set Cas on a path to abrupt fatherhood just so he can care about something other than Dean. Make it seem as if Dean wasn’t his purpose through and through.

And after all these years of this stupid show trying to deny it, they choose to acknowledge it at the worst possible circumstance, at a time where they’ve been so far apart, that it seems so foreign for them to suddenly come together.

But here we are. And they’ve chosen to tell us.

Chosen to tell us that everything that Castiel has done leading up to his death, he has done it because he was IN LOVE WITH DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that the ONE THING THAT WOULD MAKE CAS HAPPY IS DEAN WINCHESTER.

Chosen to tell us that BEING WITH DEAN WINCHESTER is something that CAS WANTS BUT KNOWS HE CAN’T HAVE.

And they’ve also chosen to tell us nothing about how Dean feels.

Sure, finding out your angel made a deal, the stipulations of said deal, his newfound happiness philosophy, his long-winded monologue of why he loves you and why you’re worthy of his love, and to top it all off he tells you that being in love with you is enough to make him happy while he subtly hints that he’s always wanted to be WITH you romantically, was a lot to process in the 5 minutes after you’ve just had an existential crisis.

It’s whatever, right? Let’s culminate 11 years worth of tension and feelings in 5 minutes. Let’s waste the entire episode with cringey expository dialogue, and irrelevant sequences. The whole season was a waste anyway.

You know what Supernatural? FUCK YOU FOR THAT. They deserved better. WE deserve better.

And I would love nothing more than to hurl every possible insult your way,

But for the last time, I’m going to HOPE that you’re finally going to try to make it better for the fans that stuck by you all these years.

No more baiting new viewers, no more placating casual viewers, no more excuses. 15 years. Bring it home for the people who have actually been around.

SO HERE’S HOW I THINK 15x20 IS GONNA GO

There’s two ways this series is gonna end. Horribly or Spectacularly.

First let’s all take into consideration what Andrew Dabb says about it:

So, let’s start with

ENDING HORRIBLY

In this scenario, Misha is telling the truth about his last day of filming being 15x18. His “camping trip” during the last few days of filming 15x20, was actually a camping trip. He doesn’t go to Vancouver to shoot.

Jensen wasn’t “being careful” during the zoom interviews that it was just him and Jared quarantining for the shoot, it really was just him and Jared (althought most of these were done pre 15x19) Supernatural isn’t smart enough to do misleading PR, and they’re once again oblivious to the potential of their own story.

Misha hasn’t posted a “Goodbye Castiel” tweet because he’s probably saving it for last episode or he forgot because it was overshadowed by the Destiel trend that night.

So what we get is:

Sam and Dean are on the road again, up against the monster of the week. Only their world no longer has actual Supernatural beings anymore, so the monsters they’re fighting are humans.

Humans end up killing the Winchesters (despite having gone up against literally every powerful being imaginable INCLUDING God himself). Dean and Sam end up in heaven and relive their greatest hits.

Meanwhile, Castiel rots in The Empty because he died after realizing that he was happy and gay. Jack doesn’t bother rescuing him—his surrogate dad, the guy who made this specific deal to spare him—even though it was so easy for him get Cas in and out of The Empty when he had a fraction of the power that he has now.

Dean never speaks of Castiel’s confession because despite all the hints of a profound bond in the earlier seasons, and the fact that Dean has never cared for anyone (who isn’t his actual brother) as immensely as he does Cas, Supernatural just can’t have its main macho character be “suddenly bisexual” because that would hurt the male ego or some shit.

His heaven would probably be living happily ever after with his family. “Family” meaning Mary and John Winchester--two of the shittiest parents ever (but they’re not going to include them in this episode like they were supposed to because of Covid) and Sam.

Sam also gets a dog. As usual.

I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to do this. After everything they’ve pulled, this would be right up their alley. I actually expect this ending.

Anyway, onto the next possible ending

ENDING SPECTACULARLY

In this scenario, Supernatural tries to stick the landing, and Jensen’s whole “It didn’t sit well with me at first, but then I took a step back after talking to Kripke, and realized that I had to view it from an audience perspective, I am now really excited about it” (DC Con 2019) anecdote about his thoughts on the final episodes, were actually about Dean potentially ending up with Cas. (Which would totally make sense because Jensen at first didn’t see Dean as anything but hetero, but as of late, he has been throwing in Destiel jokes of his own, so he seems to have warmed up to the idea)

Backed with Misha’s tidbit (DLConline 2020) that he and Jensen had conversations about Destiel, and that they wouldn’t have gone through with it if Jensen wasn’t onboard with it, but Jensen didn’t push back at all. (Why would they need to check with Jensen if it was just Cas going all in?)

Robert Berens (writer of 15x18) also wrote the script at the beginning of Season 15, but made Misha privy to the concept a year prior (Season 14), so they went into this season knowing about Destiel going canon.

This one’s a reach, but this scenario also supposes that Misha was lying about his whereabouts during the filming of the final episode, and him saying that 15x18 was his last episode is part of the diversion to avoid taking away from the weight of Castiel’s death.

And that Supernatural is actually self-aware of its own material (similar to how they have wrapped things up in the past—lots of expository dialogue, poor execution, but fulfills the story arc)

Since Season 15 is basically a Meta Season (Chuck/God as a writer, pretentiously calling out how he created the worlds, its characters, and basically invalidating the past 14 seasons), and 15x19 is supposedly the finale for Season 15, written by two of the worst Supernatural writers, Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross-Leming (Bob Singer’s wife), then we can assume that 15x19 is where the shitty writers kill themselves--as Chuck, of course.

So we get a badly written episode that produces a bad ending, or as Becky put it, “All action, and no Cas”

So we get the bad writers season ending at 15x19.

And 15x20 is where Sam and Dean write their own stories, and where the cast had a hand in pitching ideas for it.

Dabb has mentioned that 15x20 (Act Two) is a SERIES finale, where they try to resolve the characters’ journeys.

Because as everyone has acknowledged, Supernatural isn’t about the story, it’s about the characters.

So here’s what we can get out of it:

With no more Supernatural beings left to fight, Sam and Dean are in a stalemate. They’ve resigned themselves to fighting to the bitter end, but the “end” has passed, and they’re still standing.

So they try to figure out who they are now, and what they want out of the life they still have.

Sam still wants a normal apple pie life. Before Dean dragged him out of college to go hunting with him, he had a whole life planned out for him. Become a lawyer, settle down with a nice girl, and get a dog. He gave all that up because they had work to do, but now the work is finished, he can finally go back to wanting that for himself again.

Dean finally realizes his self-worth after Cas saves him again. His prayer to Cas in purgatory may have helped him come to terms with his anger, but the whole “you’ve done everything you did for love” speech finally put him in his place, and he learns not to hate himself anymore.

But of course, he cannot fully reconcile with himself if he doesn’t get Cas back, and tell him how he feels.

Because Dean actually wants something for himself this time. Something he knows he can finally have if he can just salvage it.

So maybe this time around, with the help of Jack (off-screen), Dean saves Cas. Grips him tight and raises him from perdition.

They bypass The Empty deal by turning Cas human, and he lives the rest of his days with Dean.

Dean and Cas know they deserve to be saved, and they know that they deserve to be happy.

(Wishful thinking, maybe they kiss a little)

Anyway...

I’m just saying, there’s NO WAY that they’d have Cas go through that whole rushed speech, if they weren’t going to do anything about it later on.

But again, after 10 years of disappointment, I wouldn’t put it past Supernatural to pat themselves on the back and say, “Okay, we sort of gave them what they wanted. We’re good now”

If that’s the case, Supernatural, I’m sorry I wasted my time on you.

Here’s to hoping 🤡

[butwhatifidothis]

So if it is MEANT to be a villain route...Why are the villanous actions NEVER ADDRESSED by ANY of the characters outside of "Huh. I wonder if there was a better way to do this."

Why did they have Rhea go insane and torch a city? Why make potray Rhea as a villain when you could potray her as the hero whos genuinely trying to do good? Why have a majority of the characters still be able to be recruited regardless of if it makes sense? Why have the ending narration mostly be possible? WHY have Edelgard succeed and somehow turn her tyranny into a society that "ensures a free and independent society fot all."

If it's REALLY a villain route, why is there not a single character ending mentioning things like rebellions and conflict? Hell, the ending narration shows not a hint of villainy and potrays its ending as heroic.

"Embracing her newfound power, Edelgard could at last set about destroying Fódlan's entrenched system of nobility and rebuild a world free from the tyranny of Crests and status."

Again, if it was TRULY meant to be the villain route, it would have been POTRAYED as such. Instead of a villain route, we got "A route where one of the villains is made the protagonist and her views and villainous actions are never questioned OR addressed and outside of the conquest and starting the war, everyone is mostly happy."

Alright so this is going to seem like a nonserious answer, but I'm 100% serious when posting this image as part of a genuine answer to this question:

On CF, your actions are never addressed because of ignorance. On the surface, your actions seem like they've helped Fodlan, but as soon as the player looks any deeper it starts to become evident that something isn't right.

If Edelgard made a free and independent society for all, why are the people spied on in Hubert's ending with Dorothea? Why are rebellions secretly being put down in his ending with Shamir? That's not free, in a general sense or from specifically tyranny. That's a direct contradiction from two of the characters that can only be played on CF, and this is only found on CF.

Rhea is portrayed as a villain because she is Nabatean, and Edelgard hates Nabateans, and you are playing a route that emphasizes her ideals - which include wiping out all of the inhuman, bestial, vile, cruel Nabateans that have been plaguing humanity’s world. Rhea goes insane on CF because unlike all of the other routes, where the player and the lord never go out of their way to trample and spit on their enemies' trauma, that's what you are doing the entire time you play CF to Rhea - for months once Byleth returns, and that’s being extremely generous and not counting the entire war. You help drive Rhea and the other Nabateans away from their homes when taking over Garreg Mach - like Nemesis did to Rhea after the Red Canyon Massacre! You're helping someone try to kill off the rest of her people - like Nemesis did at Zanado! You're trying to kill Rhea with the Sword of the Creator, her mother's mutilated corpse - like Nemesis did! You're doing so with the descendent of Wilheim - spitting on the legacy of the one human Rhea could trust during the War of Heroes! You're literally recreating the single worst moment of Rhea's life, all so that you can help the one who views her as less than human.

Portraying Rhea as "the hero who's genuinely trying to do good" goes against Edelgard's viewpoint of all Nabateans being evil, and you're never meant to question Edelgard or make her change her beliefs. You as the player are actively discouraged from talking back to Edelgard, as she will noticeably get upset whenever you do - many times you will even lose support points with her, and this is especially bad for specifically Edelgard because you have to get to a certain support level with her to enter her route, with you having less chapters to do so because she won't talk to you until after Byleth achieves the Sword of the Creator in Chapter 4.

Look at how Rhea, Dimitri, and Claude are portrayed on CF. Rhea and Dimitri are demonized, while Claude is given some leeway from Edelgard. Now notice who of the three of them always speak their minds over Edelgard's villainy to her face, and which of the three of them bends to Edelgard's view of them as the bad guy. Dimitri and Rhea never allow themselves to bend to Edelgard - they call her out and call her actions evil. Claude, on the other hand, will remove himself from Fodlan and then afterwards make himself out to be a bad guy whom Edelgard managed to take down. He puffs up her ego, and he gets to live, while the two that don't must die. Edelgard is the one always out for the kill, and only by submitting to her is anyone allowed to live - which, I don’t think needs to be said, isn’t very heroic of her.

I've had my fair share of complaints over the characters that can be recruited over to CF, but even with those complaints... look at how those characters behave on CF. None of them are Felix levels of negative character development, but they all act noticeably worse on CF vs how they are on the other routes. To name some notable examples: Ignatz goes from wanting to paint Garreg Mach as it stood five years before to preserve its beauty to wanting to paint the violent downfall of the Alliance, Lysithea wants to abandon House Ordelia, which is in direct contrast to her core character motivation, Ingrid is willing to throw away her lifelong dream of being a knight of Faerghus, which she herself says is her spitting on her dead betrothed’s dreams, Leonie works with Jeralt’s killers, etc. etc.. And mind, CF is the route that locks out the most units - there's the obvious ones like Dedue and Gilbert who were already route exclusive, but then there's Seteth and Flayn, Catherine, Cyril, and Hilda. CF is the only route to have even non-exclusive units be completely unavailable no matter what.

Edelgard doesn't make a society that is "free," like I said above - having a secret police monitor the people's actions, or is ready to put down anyone who tries to rise up against her, is literally the opposite of free. Edelgard can and will ban plays she doesn't like - not free. Edelgard only allows state-sanctioned religion, if she does allow it - not free.

CF is a route that wants to make the player believe the lie that you're not the villain, because you are playing from the perspective of someone who herself doesn't think she's the villain, but like. Look at what you're doing. You're invading two countries for the express, explicit purpose of taking them over and making them your own. You're working with someone who's been trying to reunite Fodlan back under Adrestia as early as the prologue when she tried to have Dimitri and Claude assassinated. You're helping TWS. Your Imperial presence makes Church people flee - which, given that Edelgard wants Rhea and those involved with the Church dead, I don't blame them. You're working with someone who is starving her people so that she can carry on with her war.

CF lies to the player - Edelgard lies, constantly. She says she's willing to let Rhea live, but literally the scene before she says she seeks to fuckin' Exodia Rhea. She lies about Arianrhod. She lies - or is flat-out wrong, which isn't much better - about the Church hoarding wealth and about the Church splitting up the Empire. She lies about not knowing about TWS pre-ts. She helps spread the lie of Duscur being the ones who killed Lambert. She lied about not knowing where Flayn was when she was kidnapped. She lies to her people by making them believe she’s making the orders during the war, not Byleth. There's a student who doubts all of what Edelgard says right before the timeskip happens and who isn't sure about his decision to stay, and then there’s a man who calls Edelgard “a tricksy one” on the last explore section for lying about attacking the Kingdom capitol. She’s wrong about the history of Nemesis and Seiros, calling Nemesis killing all of Rhea’s family a “simple dispute.” She lies to her people about an entire war against a group who just a little bit ago were her allies. Lies and ignorance are staple points to CF as a route, it’s baked into it, so the idea of the CF going “oh no you totally are the good guys” literally as the city burns down around the players doesn’t come from nowhere.

And like... the ending narration “shows not a hint of villainy?” Um.

Her stepping on the flags of the Alliance and Church? Her recreating a painting of Napoleon - that little known imperialist - down to the hand of justice? Her denouncing gods constantly and then being ushered in by a statue with heavy resemblance to Nike, Goddess of victory? Hubert plotting away from the sight of the rejoicing people? Yeah, there’s a lot of hints to villainy.

Again, CF isn’t “portrayed” as a villain route because it’s you falling for the lies of Edelgard. You have a wool over your eyes. You accept everything Edelgard says as fact, even when she actively contradicts herself - sometimes as radically as in back-to-back scenes. You view yourself as a savior to humanity, even when you plunge it into darkness. You don’t think you’re the villain, so your actions aren’t going to be put in an explicitly villainous light - at least, not by anyone on your side.

This post showcases the difference between non-recruited characters fighting non-CF!Byleth vs CF!Byleth. Characters are mostly saddened by having to fight Byleth in the former, while they are mostly betrayed on CF. Byleth is very clearly seen as being wrong for having sided with Edelgard on CF by the non-recruited characters - Edelgard’s actions may not be directly criticized (save for by Dimitri and a few others), but it makes no sense for these characters to be this shocked and betrayed by Byleth siding with her if her actions were so good. Leonie deadass calls you a traitor to Jeralt, Ingrid says that you are not fit to rule Fodlan specifically for siding with Edelgard and the Empire after all she and they have done, and Dimitri questions you as to why you chose Edelgard and her “savage, bloody path,” just to name a few notable examples. You, as the player, are being criticized for siding with Edelgard. You say that the villainous actions are “NEVER ADDRESSED by ANY of the characters,” but what else are these reactions but characters addressing your villainous actions?

And like... “a route where one of the villains is the protagonist” bro that’s a villain route. Like. I’m not trying to be mean, but I am genuinely confused as to what you were trying to get at here.

Like. In a vacuum? I might can get the idea of CF not being a villain route a little better, were it the only route available (though even that is a very big stretch). But you have three whole other routes where there’s no conquest, there’s no working with TWS, there’s no using Demonic Beasts, there’s no killing/exiling the remaining (immediately known) Nabateans, there’s no continuous and long-standing lies that never get outed, the lords never stay flat out wrong about the events of the game, non-recruited characters aren’t shooting Byleth up the ass with accusations of being a traitorous lemming who’d follow Edelgard off a cliff... and they achieve peace. Those endings, with Dimitri Claude and “Rhea” (SS ain’t really her route even though it should’ve been but ye), lack the following in any of their endings:

Censorship

Spying on the people

Constantly putting down rebels in secret

State-sanctioned religion

(mind, this last one is in direct contradiction to CF’s ending narration that says that Church is destroyed)

None of this happens on AM, VW, and SS. They all have peaceful endings. They all have Fodlan see the light of dawn, and that is never contradicted in their endings. CF is the only route to have all of these things happen in it - I think that’s enough for it to be considered a villain route lol

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi!

I'm here for a pretty stupid thing actually but I've always found it annoying to do: summaries for fics. I never know how much is too little, how much is too much, or if what I'm putting is going to make people think “wow this sounds interesting” or “wow what a shit, keep scrolling”

Do you think it is better to make a summary as such, or include some lines from the story? Idk, any advice would be appreciated

Thanks for taking your time to read!

Hugss🥰

Hey Nonny!! *HUGS*

Ah, the bane of all writers... the blasted summary to describe your story in as little words as possible to get people interested. The LITERAL very last thing you have to do on a story. Always a fun time.

And it's daunting and can feel very overwhelming, because, just like in advertising (my professional background), you have a TINY window to grasp people's attention and make them WANT to click on your fic to read. As an avid reader of fanfic, I do have my own preferences on what I look for... but as a professional, I think I can offer some wisdom in this part here, for a change. PLEASE KNOW that this is different for EVERYONE! These are just some things I picked up in my 20 years in advertising, and applying it to – what is essentially – a "classifieds" board for stories.

Attention-Grabbing Title – Not PERTINENT, but the average reader is more likely to continue reading what you have to offer if your headline is interesting. Even one word ones can grab attention. Something whimsical or metaphorical to your story is always a winner.

Short and Concise Description / Call to Action – One to two sentences is an average attention span before someone gets bored and moves on to the next post. You need to entice someone into reading MORE of your summary in those first two sentences, if you have a long summary. Start your summary with the subject of the story. ie. "John has a problem: he's well hung." That example right there will entice someone to read your summary further.

Grammar Check your Summary – BECAUSE the summary is a representation of what's to come in your story, make sure you get that summary spell-checked or beta'd with your beta. It's a small thing, but it can help bring people in, and especially if you're trying to appeal to a language that you're unfamiliar with. Your beta can even help you refine the summary so it's more attention-grabbing.

Rate Your Story – "Not Rated" stories have a lesser chance of being read than something rated. Doesn't matter what it is, just put a rating there. At least, if people are doing a ratings filter, then you will show up in a search result.

If You're Writing a WiP, State the status of your story at the end of your summary. Many people such as myself don't want to start a WiP without the certainty that it will be done. Stating something like "Story is finished, new chapter every Friday" is a GREAT way to get engagement on your story, AND generate excitement and buzz for it from the day-oners. THEY are your advertisers. A LOT of people like the suspense of a week-to-week model... it's why syndicated television is still alive! A lot of our Fandom authors do their stories this way, working on chapters weeks in advance while posting chapters "approved". It gives YOU time to write and proof, while also having a Live / Active WiP Story that will keep people coming back.

So yeah, those are some tips from an advertising standpoint.

As a reader, though, my PERSONAL interest in a fic is based solely on these 4 things:

The Ship Tags – use "/" (slash for Slash-fiction) for romantic and sexual relationships, and "&" for platonic/friendships or non-sexual relationships. I, for a fact, DO filter stories by the ship tags FIRST, so I'm sure other people do too. Make sure that you use them.

The Story Tags – Ao3 has spoiled us with these!... List relevant tags, tropes, Universes, and genres that pertain to your story... these are what help get your story found in the search algorithm. Don't write "tumblr-style tags" (ie. "this story took way too long") into this field. It is a big turn off for many people (myself included), AND it fucks with the Ao3 search results. Use author notes or descriptions to write your Tumblr-style musings! The tags should ONLY contain content within your story that may appeal to people OR help trigger/content warn against stuff. Yes, I understand that many authors poo-poo on "spoilers in tags", but in all the years I have been reccing fics, I have NEVER ONCE been told that people don't like how meticulous I tag everything I rec. A LOT of people will use those tags to filter OUT stuff that they personally can't read or don't like. Apart from the summary, the Tags are VERY important, AND it can help you come up with a more interesting and short summary that doesn't need to be descriptive. Use the suggested tags that Ao3 offers when you start typing – these are tags, I believe, that have been used frequently on the site.

The Summary – I KNOW it is legit the worst thing to have to come up with, but your story has a higher chance of being read if you stick to writing a concise summary as I've pointed out above. Some people also may choose to use an interesting blurb from their stories as a preview, which some DON'T like, but it's honestly better than nothing. I know for a fact that I have skipped over stories that don't have SOMETHING in the summary box NOR any tags. I know this isn't what you want to hear, Lovely, but put something here, even if it's just "A literal fuck-tonne of porn without plot" (I give authors permission to steal that pun, LOL).

WiP or Not – This is one of those "gamble" things. As I mentioned above, some authors do a week-to-week advanced model for their story chapters, while others "post each chapter when done". The latter tends to wind up with stories in limbo. PERSONALLY, I don't read WiP's for the simple fact that I get confused REALLY easily on plot lines when I do – I like reading one whole story in one go. But PLEASE don't take this as the golden end-all/be-all. This is a personal preference, since I read a LOT of fics and I have very little time these days to do it. Some people love WiPs. A good way to indicate that you have a story plotted out, but is NOT a week-to-week model? Add the Chapter count, rather than leaving it as "?". People are more likely to follow your WiP WITH a chapter count, since it gives the illusion that you have a rough draft written out and you know how long it will be.

So yeah! I hope this helped you out a bit, Nonny. Sorry it's so long, but I thought with how long I've been reading fics and with how picky I am with fics, these tips would be helpful for you. Again, at the end of the day, it's ALWAYS up to personal preferences of the readers. And don't take it personally if you can't "get an audience" right away. Just be yourself, write because you LOVE writing, and you will have a fruitful and enjoyable time publishing your story!

If any experienced authors in the fandom want to add their two cents from a WRITER'S perspective, please do! <3

[shirubae]

Silvaze ‘06: Part 3 - A Life or The World

Previously: Silver and Blaze arrived in the past, though separated.

Silver continues his mission with Amy. They finally stumble upon Sonic with Elise in Soleanna Castle Town. Silver ambushes him for the sake of the future.

Vs. Sonic

You know Sonic’s infamously unfair (“It’s no use!”) boss fight with Silver? Well in Silver Episode it’s still a curbstomp, only now the player gets to say the line. Realistically, there’s no way for Sonic to overpower Silver when he’s so bloodthirsty. His psychokinesis is just too much for the blue blur.

Interestingly, in Sonic’s story he manages to briefly beat Silver. The way Silver gets up and strikes back is very reminiscent of a move that Mephiles pulls on Shadow after their fight in the future. Parallels, babey! You’re working for a villain, Silver!

Silver is confused by how easily he can defeat Sonic, having assumed he was just as monstrous as Iblis. How could such a fool doom the world? He also allows Dr. Eggman to kidnap Elise, ironically further endangering his future.

Sonic turns his back to pursue Elise, infuriating Silver; he can’t see why Sonic cares so much about that girl with the fate of the world at stake. If Silver can’t afford to look aside for his friend, then neither should Sonic.

This is where we see just how obsessed Silver is with his mission, and how his impulsive immaturity makes him so dangerous. This is what happens when Silver “runs wild” as Blaze put it. He does not hesitate to kill someone he’s never met at the mere notion that it could solve his problems. He welcomes it as “[his] mission”, taking pride in being a time-traveling assassin. He wants the death of Sonic the Hedgehog to define him.

Then Amy steps in. Silver may be a freak, but he's not so violent that he'd turn on an ally so quickly. She checks his insane moral compass and hits him with the big line: “Even if that was true, if I had to choose between the world and Sonic, I would choose Sonic!”

This shakes Silver’s blind obedience to Mephiles. He begins to actually consider what it means to trade a life to save the world. More importantly, Silver is amazed by the faith and trust that Amy puts in Sonic; even when faced with such a dark prophecy, she sticks to what she knows. To quote resident Sonamy extraordinaire, @molinaskies :

"[Amy]’s choosing Sonic because she knows that, even if Sonic’s actions are devastating (which, remember, she outright doubts), his actions are for the greater good because objectively, Sonic has a good heart and is always on the right path.” - MolinaSkies

As the camera flies over the despondent Silver, we hear the first few notes of “You Are My Companion”, a song that represents Silver and Blaze’s devotion to each other. Silver compares Amy’s faith in Sonic to his own faith in Blaze. He accepts that he’s been neglecting her, and chooses to stay in one place instead of running off and making things worse. He chooses to wait for her.

Reunion with Blaze

And she shows up! Blaze tells Silver she’s been looking for him (too bad he hasn’t been looking for you). He’s so ashamed he doesn’t even respond, merely glancing her way. But he does request her advice again, asking her opinion on taking one life to save the world.

Blaze calls him naive (or 青い "blue" if you will) for his latest unanswerable question. Instead, she reasons that there is no way to determine the consequences for one’s actions and that we can only act on our beliefs and hope for the best. It gives Silver a simple creed that he can hold onto for now. But it’s now clear that Blaze never believed Mephiles the way Silver does - rather, she’s so desperate she’s risking it all for a chance at peace. Blaze is no paragon of optimism, but at least her realistic perspective helps ground Silver in this mess he’s gotten himself into. (Note: the music for this reunion, “Is It Right”, uses the melody from “You’re My Companion”!)

Silver is the one who proposes their next move to investigate Eggman’s White Acropolis. Now he’s seeking context, rather than simply biting at the Iblis Trigger’s heels. It also shows that he did have a plan of action in mind, but he chose to wait for Blaze this time. They’re still misguided, but at least Silver’s letting Blaze help.

Next up: finding a Chaos Emerald and continuing the manhunt!

[Back to the masterpost]

[melody-of-lost-souls]

There are some people (antis of course) who claims.... Naruto imitates Sasuke's actions just like how Sasuke imitated Itachi when he was young. And just like how Itachi couldn't bring himself to kill Sasuke.... Sasuke also couldn't bring himself to kill Naruto. Hence, their dynamics is totally an imitation of Itachi and Sasuke... It's just brotherly.

What do you think about this perspective???

Hello <3

This is so much as we say in my country Tirado de los pelos. -pulled out from the hair? dont know if it has sense in english tho xD

I thought about that too I may say. That SNS dynamics resembles somehow to Itachi-Sasuke one. It has some similarities yes, but Sasuke and Naruto relationship also has similarities to a lot of other relationships too.

First, from Naruto's side it's cannot be said that he imitates Sasuke just how Sasuke imitated Itachi, so -----> brothers.

Because Naruto never knew 1) blood brothers relationship 2)never raised with a figure like that in his early childhood 3)never had a "big" brother figure 4)never saw like deeply how Sasuke and Itachi relationship and dynamic was -and this is fine cause the only ones who must know this are the 2 brothers involved. This is a yes and No, Naruto knew about how Uchiha brothers relationship was, he could understand Itachi. But this is simple, the only people who would know better how a relationship works, are the people involved. No matter how close Naruto was to Sasuke. There are secrets and stuff in his bond with his brother that HE will only know and it's okay -this doesnt justify though how Sakura doesnt know absolutely anything about itachi or so-.

So, at least from naruto's side i dont see it brotherly. The true question here what about Sasuke side? Becaue he is the one with the brother involved.

Nonetheless, Sasuke dared to do with Naruto a lot of things and behaviors that I dont see at all doing with Itachi. No matter how much Sasuke loved Itachi and how much trust they have, do you think Sasuke would dared to call him Usuratonkachi?? Dobe?? There is no way, because even tho the unconditional Love is there, he hasn't got that much confidence because Itachi was also a father and mother figure.

Also, Naruto is different and yet similar to Itachi. In questions of behavior and personalities they are absolutely different, yes in terms of spirituality, conviction and ideology. Nonetheless Itachi is quiet, strategic, a bit cold, doesn't talk too much...We know how Naruto is. how can they still be put under the same label for sasuke to call them Brothers both?

If Naruto even looked the same as Itachi, doesn't matter either cause there is this thing. THEY ARE NOT RELATED BY BLOOD, they werent even raised together, and Naruto is even younger than Sasuke so there is no way that Naruto could play a Big brother role as Itachi.

And Sasuke knew and was raised with THIS Itachi. Itachi finally lets say adopted his role as big brother on his final moments, but he also embraced his old parental figure showing Sasuke his unconditional Love no matter whatever happens or the paths he takes.

-Now this is from my cultural perspective, i dont know how in Asia mother-child dynamics are. But that kind of unconditional Love and Forgiving is very reserved to the Mother and Father. (A parent would never give up on their child no matter what, since Itachi adopted this role...Well it speaks for its own)

The difference here between Itachi and Naruto, and also Between Sasuke and Naruto, is that the Uchihas were related by blood. There was some .lets say, moral obligation that also tied them since they were family after all.

Sasuke and Naruto didnt have this moral obligattion towards each other.

So maybe you would say, well Naruto also showed Sasuke unconditional Love and Forgiving no matter the circunstances. Yes of course and this is the deal, we tend to look in our relationships -specially in the loving ones aka couples- similarities of the relationships we had with our parents, with the things we know, where we feel safe -or sometimes no- This is very from psychoanalysis but psychology in general, and i could write more about it but this will be too long.

Naruto brought to Sasuke warmness, familiarity, which made him feel weak but also powerful. And we could say the same with Naruto, though he knew his parents , he grew with the parental figure of Iruka. And which was the first big movement Iruka did in order to show Naruto how much he treasured him? Offering his life

Who did the same to him? And i may say in the same position.

But also when Naruto meets Kushina, we know how Sasuke protective behavior towards Naruto is very similar to Kushina's. A mother too.

The fact that neither one of the them could kill the other, as how Itachi did doesnt mean anything to say

oh cannot kill naruto= itachi couldnt kill sasuke so----> Brothers.

Because is a question of the representations(specially the ones we grew up with aka our home) we had in life, and we move/translate them to make other ones, specially when we talk about the person who would be by your side eternally.

This is also why I will always say why Sasuke and Sakura, and also Hinata and Naruto couples doesnt work and wont work either , at least these girls change...Because what kind of representations can these 2 boys- that they alread found in one another- in 2 girls?

-Now to finish, this is absolutely overreading and reading too too much, but i find it funny xD but there is something that a teacher told us in a college class, part as a joke, part as sometimes it really happens, anyway. Sometimes you find in your partner, something related to your parents as for example simple things like the first letters of their last name ...Well Uchiha -Uzumaki xDDD

Naruto and Sasuke are soulmates, not because just all- which is very fucking much- the spiritual and powerful background that supports them as their wind, fire and lightning nature, their symbols, their names and clans, their convictions, colours and personalities, but also bc from a psychological perspective -mine at least.- makes the most absolutely sense.

[warsofasoiaf]

Writing Characters With Believable Military PTSD

I typically write these writing and worldbuilding essays from a dispassionate perspective, offering advice and context to prospective writers from as neutral a point of view as I can manage, with the goal being to present specific pieces of information and broader concepts that can hopefully improve writing and build creators’ confidence to bring their projects to fruition, whether that be writing, tabletop gaming, video game programming, or anything that suits their fancy. While writing this essay though, I struggled to maintain that perspective. Certainly, the importance of the topic to me was a factor, but ultimately, I saw impersonality just as a suboptimal presentation method for something so intensely personal. I do maintain some impartiality particularly in places where historical or academic context is called for, but in other respects I’ve opted for a different approach. Ultimately, this essay is a labor of love for me, love for those who suffer from military PTSD, love for those who love those who suffer from it, and love for writers who want to, in the way that they so choose, help those two other groups out. Thus, this is a different type of essay in certain segments than my usual fare; I hope the essay isn’t an unreadable chimera because of it.

This essay focuses on military-related PTSD. While there are some concepts that translate well into PTSD in the civilian sphere, there are unique elements that do not necessarily fit the mold in both directions, so for someone hoping to write a different form of PTSD, I would recommend finding other resources that could better suit your purposes. I also recommend using more than one source just in general, trauma is personal and so multiple sources can help provide a wide range of experiences to draw upon, which should hopefully improve any creative work.

And as a final introductory note, traumatic experiences are deeply personal. If you are using someone you know as a model for your writing, you owe it to that person to communicate exactly what you are doing and to ask their permission every step of the way. I consider it a request out of politeness to implore any author who uses someone else’s experiences to inform their writing in any capacity, but when it comes to the truly negative experiences in someone’s life, this rises higher from request to demand. You will ask someone before taking a negative experience from their own life and placing it into your creative works, and you will not hide anything about it from them. Receiving it is a great sign of trust. The opposite is a travesty, robbing someone of a piece of themselves and placing it upon display as a grotesque exhibit. And if that sounds ghoulish and macabre, it’s because it is, without hyperbole. Don’t do it.

Why Write PTSD?

What is the purpose of including PTSD in a creative work? There have been plenty of art therapy actions taken by those who suffer PTSD to create something from their condition, which can be as profound for those who do not have it as it is therapeutic for those that do, but why would someone include it in their creative works, and why is some no-name guy on the internet writing an essay offering tips as to how to do it better?

Certainly, one key element is that it’s real, and it happens. If art is to reflect upon reality, PTSD suffered by soldiers is one element of that, so art can reflect it, but what specifically about PTSD, as opposed to any other facet of existence? Author preference certainly plays a factor, but why would someone try to include something that is difficult to understand and difficult to portray? While everyone comes to their own reason, I think that a significant number of people are curious about what exactly goes on in the minds of someone suffering through PTSD, and creative works allow them a way to explore it, much the way fiction can explore scenarios and emotions that are either unlikely or unsafe to explore in reality. If that’s the case, then the purpose of this essay is rather simple, to make the PTSD examination more grounded in reality and thus a better reflection of it. But experiences are unique even if discernable patterns emerge, so in that sense, no essay created by an amateur writer with no psychological experience could be an authoritative take on reality, the nature of which would is far beyond the scope of this essay.

For my own part, I think that well-done creative works involving PTSD is meant to break down the isolation that it can cause in its wake. Veterans suffering may feel that they are alone, that their loved ones cannot understand them and the burden of trying to create that would simply push them away; better instead to have the imperfect bonds that they currently have than risk losing them entirely. For those who are on the outside looking in, isolation lurks there as well, a gulf that seems impossible to breach and possibly intrusive to even try. Creative works that depict PTSD can help create a sense that victims aren’t alone, that there are people that understand and can help without demeaning the sense of self-worth. Of course, another element would be to reduce the amount of poorly-done depictions of PTSD. Some creative works use PTSD as a backstory element, relegating a defining and important element of an individual’s life as an aside, or a minor problem that can be resolved with a good hug and a cry or a few nights with the right person. If a well-done creative work can help create a bridge and break down isolation, a poorly-done one can turn victims off, reinforcing the idea that no one understands and worse, no one cares. For others, it gives a completely altered sense of what PTSD is and what they could do to help, keeping them out, confusing them, or other counter-productive actions. In that sense, all the essay is to help build up those who are doing the heavy lifting. I’m not full of so much hubris as to think this is a profound piece of writing that will help others, but if creators are willing to try and do the hard work of building a bridge, I could at least try to help out and provide a wheelbarrow.

An Abbreviated Look At The Many Faces and Names of PTSD Throughout History

PTSD has been observed repeatedly throughout human history, even when it was poorly understood. This means that explorations of PTSD can be written in settings even if they did not have a distinctly modern understanding of neurology, trauma, or related matters. These historical contexts are also useful for worldbuilding a believable response in fictional settings and scenarios that don’t necessarily have a strict analogue in our own history. By providing this historical context, hopefully I can craft a broad-based sense of believable responses to characters with PTSD at a larger level.

In the time of Rome, it was understood by legionnaires that combat was a difficult endeavor, and so troops were typically on the front lines engaged in combat for short periods of time, to be rotated back for rest while others took their place. It was considered ideal, in these situations, to rotate troops that fought together back so that they could rest together. The immediate lesson is obvious, the Romans believed that it was vital for troops to take time to process what they had done and that was best served with quiet periods of rest not just to allow the adrenaline to dissipate (the "combat high"), but a chance for the mind to wrap itself around what the legionnaire had done. The Romans also recognized that camaraderie between fellow soldiers helped soldiers to cope, and this would be a running theme throughout history (and remains as such today). Soldiers were able to empathize with each other, and help each other through times of difficulty. This was not all sanguine, however, Roman legions depended on their strong formations, and a soldier that did not perform their duty could endanger the unit, and so shame in not fulfilling their duty was another means to keep soldiers in line. The idea of not letting down your fellow soldiers is a persistent refrain in coping with the traumas of war, and throughout history this idea has been used for both pleasant and unpleasant means of keeping soldiers in the fight.

In the Middle Ages, Geoffroi de Charny wrote extensively on the difficulties that knights could experience on the campaign trail in his Book of Chivalry. The book highlights the deprivation that knights suffered, from the bad food and poor sleep to the traumatic experience of combat to being away from family and friends to the loss of valued comrades to combat and infection; each of these is understood as a significant stressor that puts great strain on the mental health of soldiers up to today. De Charny recommended focusing on the knightly oaths of service, the needs of the mission of their liege, and the duty of the knight to serve as methods to help bolster the resolve of struggling knights. The book also mentions seeking counseling and guidance from priests or other confidants to help improve their mental health to see their mission through. This wasn’t universal, however. Some severely traumatized individuals were seen as simple cowards, and punished harshly for their perceived cowardice as antithetical to good virtue and to serve as an example.

World War I saw a sharp rise in the reported incidents of military-related PTSD and new understandings and misunderstandings. The rise in the number of soldiers caused a rise in cases of military PTSD, even though the term itself was not known at the time. Especially in the early phases of the war, many soldiers suffering from PTSD were thought to be malingering, pretending to have symptoms to avoid being sent to the front lines. The term “shell shock” was derived because it was believed that the concussive force of artillery bombardment caused brain damage as it rattled the skull or carbon monoxide fumes would damage the brain as they were inhaled, as a means to explain why soldiers could have physical responses such as slurred speech, lack of response to external stimuli, even nigh-on waking catatonia, despite not being hit by rifle rounds or shrapnel. This would later be replaced by the term “battle fatigue” when it became apparent that artillery bombardment was not a predicative indicator. Particularly as manpower shortages became more prevalent, PTSD-sufferers could be sent to firing squads as a means to cow other troops to not abandon their post. Other less fatal methods of shaming could occur, such as the designation “Lack of Moral Fibre,” an official brand of cowardice, as an attempt to shame the members into remembering their duty. As the war developed, and understanding grew, better methods of treatment were made, with rest and comfort provided to slight cases, strict troop rotations observed to rotate men to and from the front lines, and patients not being told that they were being evacuated for nervous breakdown to avoid cementing that idea in their mind. These lessons would continue into World War II, where the term “combat stress reaction” was adopted. While not always strenuously followed, regular rotations were adopted as standard policy. This was still not universal, plenty of units still relied upon bullying members into maintaining their post despite mental trauma.

The American military promotes a culture of competence and ability, particularly for the enlisted ranks, and that lends itself to the soldier viewing themselves in a starkly different fashion than a civilian. Often, a soldier sees the inability to cope with a traumatic experience as a personal failure stemming from the lack of mental fortitude. Owning up to such a lack of capability is tantamount to accepting that they are an inferior soldier, less capable than their fellows. This idea is commonly discussed, and should not be ignored, but it is far from the only reason. The military also possesses a strong culture of fraternity that obligates “Don’t be a fuckup,” is a powerful motivating force, and it leads plenty of members of the military to ignore traumatic experiences out of the perceived need not to put the burden on their squadmates. While most professional militaries stress that seeking mental health for trauma is not considered a sign of weakness, enlisted know that if they receive mental health counseling, it is entirely likely that someone will have to take their place in the meantime. That could potentially mean that another person, particularly in front-line units, are exposed to danger that they would otherwise not be exposed to, potentially exacerbating guilt if said person gets hurt or killed. This is even true in stateside units, plenty of soldiers don’t report for treatment because it would mean dumping work on their fellows, a negative aspect of unit fraternity. Plenty of veterans also simply never are screened for mental health treatment, and usually this lends to a mentality of “well, no one is asking, so I should be fine.” These taken together combine to a heartbreaking reality, oftentimes a modern veteran that seeks help for mental trauma has often coped silently for years, perhaps self-medicating with alcohol or off-label drug usage, and is typically very far along their own path comparatively. Others simply fall through the cracks, not being screened for mental disorders and so do not believe that anything is wrong; after all, if something was wrong, surely the doctors would notice it, right? The current schedule of deployments, which are duration-based and not mission-based, also make it hard for servicemembers to rationalize their experiences and equate them to the mission; there’s no sense of pairing suffering to objectives the way that de Charnay mentioned could help contextualize the deprivation and loss. These sorts of experiences make the soldier feel adrift, and their suffering pointless, which is discouraging on another level. It is one thing to suffer for a cause, it’s another not to know why, amplifying the feelings of powerlessness and furthering the isolation that they feel.

Pen to Page - The Characters and Their Responses

The presentation of PTSD within a character will depend largely on the point-of-view that the author creates. A character that suffers from PTSD depending on the presence of an internal or external point-of-view, will be vastly different experiences on page. Knowing this is essential, as this will determine how the story itself is presenting the disorder. Neither is necessarily more preferable than the other, and is largely a matter of the type of story being told and the personal preference of the author.

Internal perspectives will follow the character’s response from triggering event to immediate response. This allows the author to present a glimpse into what the character is experiencing. In these circumstances, remember that traumatic flashbacks are merely one of many experiences that an average sufferer of PTSD can endure. In a visual medium, flashbacks are time-effective methods to portray a character reliving portions of a traumatic experience, but other forms of media can have other tools. Traumatic flashbacks are not necessarily a direct reliving of an event from start to finish, individuals may instead feel sudden sharp pains of old injuries, be overwhelmed by still images of traumatic scenes or loud traumatic sounds. These can be linked to triggers that bring up the traumatic incident, such as a similar sight, sound, or smell. These moments of linkage are not necessarily experienced linearly or provide a clear sequence of events from start to finish (memory rarely is unless specifically prompted), and it may be to the author’s advantage to not portray them as such in order to communicate the difficulty in mental parsing that the character may be experiencing. Others might be more intrusive, such as violently deranged nightmares that prevent sleep. The author must try to strike a balance between portraying the experience realistically and portraying it logically that audience members can understand. The important thing about these memories is that they are intrusive, unwelcome, and quite stressful, so using techniques that jar the reader, such as the sudden intrusive image of a torn body, a burning vehicle, or another piece of the traumatic incident helps communicate the disorientation. Don't rely simply on shock therapy, it's not enough just to put viscera on the page. Once it is there, the next steps, how the character reacts, is crucial to a believable response.

When the character experiences something that triggers their PTSD, start to describe the stress response, begin rapidly shortening the sentences to simulate the synaptic activity, express the fight-flight-freeze response as the character reacts, using the tools of dramatic action to heighten tension and portraying the experience as something frightful and distinctly undesirable. The triggering incident brings back the fear, such as a pile of rubble on the side of the road being a potential IED location, or a loud firework recalling the initial moments of an enemy ambush. The trauma intrudes, and the character falls deep into the stress response, and now they react. How does this character react? By taking cover? By attacking the aggressor who so reminds them of the face of their enemy? Once the initial event starts, then the character continues to respond. Do they try to get to safety? Secure the area and eliminate the enemy? Eventually, the character likely recognizes their response is inappropriate. It wasn’t a gunshot, it was a car backfiring, the smell of copper isn’t the sight of a blown-apart comrade and the rank odor of blood, it’s just a jug of musty pennies. This fear will lead to control mechanisms where the victim realizes that their response is irrational. Frequently, the fear is still there, and it still struggles with control. This could heighten a feeling a powerlessness in the character as they try and fail to put the fear under control: "Yes, I know this isn’t real and there’s nothing to be afraid of, but I’m still shaking and I am still afraid!" It’s a horrifying logical track, a fear that the victim isn’t even in control of their thoughts - the one place that they should have control - and that they might always be this way. There’s no safety since even their thoughts aren’t safe. Despair might also follow, as the victim frantically asserts to regain control. Usually with time, the fear starts to lessen as the logical centers of the brain regain control, and the fear diminishes. Some times, the victim can't even really recall the exact crippling sense of fear when attempting to recall it, only that they were afraid and that it was deeply scary and awful, but the notion that it happened remains in their mind.

Control mechanisms are also important to developing a believable PTSD victim. Most sufferers dread the PTSD response and so actively avoid objects or situations that could potentially trigger. Someone who may have had to escape from a helicopter falling into the ocean may not like to be immersed in water. Someone who was hit by a hidden IED may swerve to avoid suspicious piles in the road. Someone buried under a collapsing ceiling may become claustrophobic. Thus, many characters with PTSD will be hypervigilant almost to the point of exhaustion, avoiding setting off the undesired response. This hypervigilance is mentally taxing; the character begins to become sluggish mentally as all their energy is squeezed out, leaving them struggling for even the simplest of rational thoughts. This mental fog can be translated onto the page in dramatic effect by adding paragraph length to even simple actions, bringing the reader along into the fog, laboriously seeing the character move to perform simple actions. Then, mix in a loss of a sense of purpose. They’re adrift, not exactly sure what they’re doing and barely aware of what’s happening, although they are thinking and functioning. In the character’s daily life, they are living their life using maximum effort to avoid triggering responses; this is another aspect of control that the character can use as an attempt to claw back some semblance of power in their own lives. Even control methods that aren’t necessarily healthy such as drinking themselves to pass out every night or abusing sleeping pills in an attempt to sleep due to their nightmares, are ways to attempt to regain a sense of normalcy and function. Don’t condescend to these characters and make them pathetic, that’s just another layer of cruelty, but showing the unhealthy coping mechanisms can demonstrate the difficulty that PTSD victims are feeling. Combined with an external perspective, the author can show the damage that these unhealthy actions are doing without casting the character as weak for not taking a different path.

External perspectives focus on the other characters and how they observe and react to the individual in question. Since the internal thought process of the character is not known, sudden reactions to an unknown trigger can be quite jarring for characters unaware, which can mirror real-life experiences that individuals can have with PTSD-sufferers. In these types of stories, the character’s reaction to the victim is paramount. PTSD in real life often evokes feelings of helplessness in loved ones when they simply cannot act to help, can evoke confusion, or anger and resentment. These reactions are powerful emotions with the ability to drive character work, and so external perspectives can be useful for telling a story about what it is like for loved ones who suffer in their own fashion. External perspectives can be used not just in describing triggering episodes, but in exploring how the character established coping mechanisms and how their loved ones react to them. Some mechanisms are distinctly unhealthy, such as alcohol or prescription drug abuse, complete withdrawal, or a refusal to drive vehicles, and these create stress and a feeling of helplessness in characters or can impel them to try and take action. Others can be healthy, and a moment of inspiration and joy for an external perspective could be sharing in that mechanism, demonstrating empathy and understanding which evokes strong pathos, and hopefully to friends of those who suffer from PTSD, a feeling that they too, are not alone.

As the character progresses, successes and failures can often be one of the most realistic and most important things to include within the work, since those consumers who have PTSD will see parts of themselves in the characters, which can build empathy and cut down on the feelings of isolation that many victims of PTSD feel. A character could, over the course of the story, begin weaning themselves off of their control mechanisms, have the feelings of panic subside as their logical sides more quickly assert control, replace unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthier ones, or other elements of character progression and growth. Contrarily, a character making progress could, after experiencing significant but unrelated stressors, backslide either into unhealthy coping mechanisms or be blindsided by another attack. This is a powerful fear for the victim, since it can cause them to think ‘all my progress, all my effort, and I am not free!’ This is often a great fear for PTSD users (people with depression often have the same feeling) that find methods of coping are no longer as effective, and the struggle is perceived as one that they’re ultimately doomed to failure. This feeling of inevitable failure can lead to self-harm and suicide as their avenue of success seems to burn to ash right as it was in their hands. More than one soldier suffering from PTSD has ended up concluding: “Fuck it, I can’t live like this,” as horrible as that is. Don’t be afraid to include setbacks and backsliding, those happen in reality, and can be one of the most isolating fears in their lives; if the goal of portraying PTSD accurately is to help remove that feeling of isolation, then content creators must not avoid these experiences. Success as well as failure are essential to PTSD in characters in stories, these elements moreso than any other, I believe, will transcend the medium and form a connection, fulfilling the objective we set out to include in the beginning paragraphs.

Coming Back to the Beginning

It might be counterintuitive at first glance to say “including military PTSD will probably mean it will be a long journey full of discouraging story beats that might make readers depressed,” because that’s definitely going to discourage some readers to do that. I don’t see it that way, though. The people that want to do it should go in knowing it’s going to be hard, and let that strengthen their resolve, and put the best creation they can forward. The opposite is also true. Not every prospective author has to want to include any number of difficult subjects in their works, and that’s perfectly fine. Content creators must be free to shape the craft that they so desire without the need to be obligated to tackle every difficult issue, and so no content creator should be thought of as lesser or inferior because they opt not to include it in their works. I think that’s honestly stronger than handling an important topic poorly, or even worse, frivolously. Neither should anyone think that a content creator not including PTSD in their works means that they don’t care about those who suffer from it or for those who care about them or who simply don’t care about the subject in general. That’s just a terrible way to treat someone, and in the end, this entire excursion was about the opposite

Ultimately, this essay is a chance not only to help improve creative works involving PTSD, but to reflect on the creative process. Those who still want to proceed, by all means, do so. Hopefully this essay will help you create something that can reach someone. If every piece of work that helps portray PTSD can reach someone somewhere and make things easier, even if ever so little, well then, that’s what it’s really all about.

Hoping everyone has a peaceful Memorial Day. Be good to each to other.

SLAL

[gh0st-patr0l]

ADHD in DSMP

So about a week back, I made a post about Karl Jacobs (a bit of a passive aggressive one, I’ll admit, but I think it was justified), complaining that a lot of the ‘criticism’ I see about Karl is actually rather insensitive towards his ADHD. I got a lot of responses to that post, and the most common sources of confusion I saw were:

People not understanding what I was saying they should avoid being judgmental of, or-

People who didn’t know that Karl had ADHD or didn’t understand which behaviors were caused by it.

First of all, Karl has confirmed that he has ADHD.

(NOTE: Yes, I know he said ADD. ADD and ADHD used to be categorized as separate disorders, but in the most recent edition of the DSM, it was decided that they are both simply subtypes of the same disorder- ADHD is the correct technical term. ADD is still sometimes used as shorthand by some practitioners to diagnose primarily-inattentive ADHD, but it's a bit outdated.)

Secondly, that original post made me realize that a lot of people who may be well-meaning may genuinely not fully understand ADHD and its symptoms as well as they want to or think they might. If you aren’t aware, Karl isn’t the only one in the DSMP with ADHD- to my understanding, both Technoblade and Dream have confirmed that they have it as well. So, I thought it would be helpful to put together a comprehensive crash-course on ADHD symptoms and how they effect people’s behavior!

Now, before we go further, I want to address something- as I said earlier, I saw some people unsure of whether certain behaviors are ADHD or “just his personality”. I feel the need to point this out above the read more so people will see it. To answer this question, as someone with ADHD;

A lot of times, it’s both. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that it’s caused by the way your brain developed from birth. A lot of the symptoms and effects of ADHD are extremely influential towards the way we think, act, and behave, to the point where “symptoms” and “normal behavior” really don’t have a clean differentiation. This is why it’s technically classified as a ‘disorder’, instead of an illness. While certain aspects of it can require treatment, the condition itself as a whole is not something to be mitigated or eliminated- it’s a part of who we are as a person. This is also why sometimes, even if you don’t have ADHD, you’ll look at certain specific behaviors or experiences and go “Oh, but I do that too!”. A lot of ADHD ‘symptoms’ are just a bunch of normal traits or behaviors, but in combination with each other and some actually problematic aspects, form the appearance of the disorder.

So, what are you allowed to nitpick about it? Well, there’s no real ‘authority’ on this, and even if there was it certainly wouldn’t be me. But if you want my opinion? Nothing.

See, here’s the thing- what I was trying to say when I made that post was not that you can’t be critical of Karl. If you want to say something about his Actions, his Ideals, or the content he creates- sure, go for it, that’s fair. I will agree that there are some very valid and constructive points to be made. But when you post ‘criticism’ about the way he speaks, his interests or preoccupations, his personal behaviors? That’s not criticism. That’s just judging someone.

And you’re allowed to think that stuff! Nobody can control what annoys or bothers them. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. But you don’t need to be vocal about it. You can keep your mean thoughts to yourself. And if you do make posts or communities or whatever about judging someone for things they can’t change about themselves, don’t call it “criticism” or try to morally justify it. It’s not productive or righteous, it’s just rude. Nothing else.

Anyway. Back to Education!

The following will be a descriptive list of visible ADHD behaviors, using Karl’s behavior as examples.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer here- I am not a mental health professional. However! I have ADHD myself, I have taken some psychology courses and done a Lot of research into this stuff, and I’m the daughter of a therapist with access to a DSM. While I’m not an expert, I’d like to think I’m fairly well versed and knowledgeable on at least ADHD. (That being said, if by chance anyone who Is a professional sees this post and notices mistakes, by all means let me know and I’ll fix it!!)

WHAT IS ADHD?

You’re here for the behaviors more than the science, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Known in the past as Attention Deficit Disorder). Despite its name, the root problem of ADHD is not in the person’s ability to pay attention, but their brain’s capability to manage itself. In simple terms, people with ADHD have a lot less control over what their brain does and wants. This results in some behavioral differences along with some personal challenges, namely a difficulty with attentiveness and self-discipline.

Now, onto the symptoms!

ATTENTION

This is perhaps the most visible and pervasive of the ADHD symptoms, hence why it’s the namesake. Inattention is a lack of focus and an inability to stay present and occupied with certain tasks or thoughts.

Because ADHD impairs self-management of the brain, people with it have an extremely hard time directing themselves anywhere but where their brain instinctively wants to go. This results in inattentiveness and the easiness of distraction that is often mocked or stereotyped for people with ADHD.

Here are some examples of how Karl can sometimes display his inattentiveness;

When he has an idea that he seems passionate about, only to drop it or switch to something totally different without warning soon after (either forgetting or getting bored of his original idea).

When he sets out to do something like a build, works on it for a short amount of time, and then immediately gives up or gets someone else to do it.

When someone else is talking and he totally zones out. (NOTE: While I wont make a whole section for it because it’s not easily observable, maladaptive (constant and intrusive) daydreaming is a common ADHD symptom as well!)

It’s important to remember that the whole problem with ADHD is that we can’t control when or what we focus on. When someone with ADHD zones out during a conversation or activity, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it on purpose, and they likely don’t mean any offense! We often are trying our best to listen or participate, but our brain just wont cooperate.

However, inattention is not the only way ADHD effects our focus. There’s also what’s called hyperfocus or hyperfixation, which is when we are so absorbed into a single subject, task, or idea that it is extremely difficult to get us to think about or do anything else. This is usually because our brains have found something that is getting those satisfaction chemicals flowing, and it’s clinging to that with everything it’s got.

People with ADHD will often experience brief periods of hyperfocus. Think of how Karl talks about spending hours straight working on a build or project without eating or drinking, or how he’ll sit down to play a game with someone and end up going six hours without even noticing.

There are also hyperfixations, where someone with ADHD becomes extremely preoccupied with a certain subject, topic, etc. for a period of time. These can be short term- personally, my hyperfixation can sometimes change as quickly as a couple weeks at a time. However, it can also be long term. Karl has been obsessed with Survivor since the second grade- not to mention his memorabilia, rambling, and constant references to Kingdom Hearts.

HYPERACTIVITY/STIMMING

This is a BIG one for Karl. I should clarify; ‘stimming’ is not a technical term, and in professional situations these behaviors are just referred to as Hyperactivity. However, I personally like the term stimming much more and find it far more accurate to what the behaviors actually are, so I’ll be using that instead for this post.

If you’re not already familiar, ‘stimming’ (derived from ‘stimulation’) is an unofficial term used to describe consistent and abnormal patterns of physical and vocal behavior typically expressed by people with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). This includes things that people usually call fidgets or tics.

(NOTE: There are differences in how people with those two disorders stim. This post will explain stimming specifically from an ADHD perspective! ASD stimming is caused by very different factors and presents itself in much different ways. Do your own research if you’re curious!) 

There are two major observable forms of stimming- physical and vocal. Karl expresses both VERY often! I’ll use examples for each type;

Physical Stims: Flapping his hands/arms, jumping up and down when he’s excited, twisting around into odd positions in his chair, throwing, hitting, or tapping things, standing up and pacing around when he’s hyped up or laughing, twisting his rings, etc.

Vocal Stims: When he gets excited and repeats a certain phrase incessantly (Think any variation of “I’m popping off”), making certain repetitive noises while he’s focused on something or bored (”la la la”, the meow-noises, the weird heart-beat noise, etc.), singing or humming, tongue clicking.

It should be noted here that it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to get “stuck” on certain phrases or noises, and be unable to stop repeating them (reminiscent of echolalia, a symptom of ASD, but not the same thing). Think of how Karl might sometimes keep making a weird noise for an extended period of time even though it’s not that funny, or that one time he was physically struggling to keep himself from singing the Bakugan theme. These repetitions are completely impulsive and trust me, we usually know how annoying it is while we’re doing it, but we physically cannot stop.

ADHD stims are caused by the fact that the barrier between our brain and body is much weaker than a normal person’s. Because of this, most ADHD stims are actually very positive expressions of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm! Y’know how when you get excited, you feel like you wanna jump or dance? The ‘hyperactivity’ of ADHD is basically just that, but we don’t have the self-control to Not do it.

Stims can be caused by negative feelings like overstimulation, but in ADHD this is not nearly as common. Usually, the most negative reason we’ll stim is when we’re bored- in that case, our brain isn’t getting the Constant Stimulation that it naturally wants, so stimming is a way to make our own.

Whatever the cause, stimming is natural and impulsive. While different people experience it to varying degrees, those who regularly stim typically have little to no control over it. Suppressing stims is very hard and very frustrating to do.

Besides that, like I said- ADHD stims are often an expression of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm. They’re a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be seen as shameful or annoying!

BEHAVIORAL DIFFICULTIES

ADHD is a disorder which causes a lack of self-control. Naturally, this means that people with ADHD are inherently reckless, impulsive, and struggle with a lack of self-discipline that they cannot fix.

Of course, people with ADHD do still have some level of self-control, and they are still responsible for conscious, long-term behavioral patterns and decisions. However, in regards to most things, they are much, much less capable of controlling themselves than an average neurotypical person is.

These are some examples of how this will often present itself in Karl;

Excessive rambling, dragging on a joke or conversation when it could and should probably have been dropped, etc.

Speaking over or interrupting other people (NOTE: As someone with ADHD- THIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTENTIONAL. I know it can seem rude or annoying but I promise, 90% of the time if someone with ADHD talks over you, they either didn’t realize or physically couldn’t help it. Please try to be patient!)

Lack of awareness towards social cues (NOTE: Unlike ASD, in which the person is incapable of/has problems fully understanding social cues, ADHD results in a lack of awareness. For whatever reason, we’re often just not paying close enough attention to pick up on things like body language, tone of speech, and facial expression as well as we would normally.)

Indecisiveness and overthinking

Bluntness, lack of subtlety

Unintentional dismissiveness, accidentally ignoring things/people (NOTE: Again, this behavior is purely accidental. In this case, it’s usually just the person genuinely not hearing or processing things.)

Making noises, speaking, joking, etc. at inappropriate times

There’s probably more, but I think you get the idea by now. A lot of the time, behavior which results from ADHD can be seen as rude, lazy, dismissive, or otherwise intentionally harmful. In reality, we just aren’t wired to navigate common social interaction with grace.

In Karl’s case, he’s clearly an incredibly sweet, empathetic, and kind-hearted person, if the various close friends who have talked about him are to be believed. Just because he talks over people or makes a poorly timed joke, that doesn’t mean he meant any harm. 

I think that’s about it for how much I wanted to point out! You can do more research if you’re curious, but I feel like this post should be enough to tell you what to keep in mind and be understanding about when talking about/making judgements on Karl, and other people with ADHD.

[anarchy2021]

PSA Day! (Rp etiquette)

{ID: A person standing next to a flipchart. They're thin, and have medium-length brown hair, pale skin, and dark brown ears. The ears are angled horizontally. They're wearing thin-rimmed glasses, and their expression reads as confident. Their hair is partially tied up in a bun. They also have a long tail the same brown as their ears, with brown fur the same color as their hair on the end. They're wearing black trousers, a black waistcoat with a white shirt underneath. Additionally, a black overcoat with gold edges is draped over their shoulders. The inner lining of the overcoat is red, and partially visible behind the person. They have their right hand on their hip, and with their left hand, they're holding a stick up to the flipchart, which reads "RP 101 :)". The 101 is underlined. END ID.}

Greetings! You may not recognize me (unless you were watching the debate perhaps, then, sup) as I admit I’ve been a bit…. Behind the scenes as it were (as secretary of VOID there is a lot of looking at the void, usual routine for me mhm mhm). Regardless, I’m Days (or Nights, either or) and for today’s PSA I’m here (along with some words from our recently freed from totally-not-prison president, Graphite, at a later date) to talk to you about roleplay! More specifically, rp etiquette and terms and how that relates to the DSMP and how it should be talked about. 

Now now, you might be wondering “oh but what is your experience?” Glad you asked! I’m a long term text rper with over 5 years of experience- and my main avenues of rp are rps similar in structure to that of the DSMP- long term improv driven sandboxes that also have important events planned ahead of time in some regard but are often player driven most of the time. Now, let’s get into it!

Head writers/admins

Let’s start off with a pretty hot topic regarding the server, which is the existence of a ‘head writer’ (usually in reference to Mr. Soot). Now, mainy take this as meaning quite literally a writer- like in a show, but, with what information we have I think it’s safe to say he’s not really that and more along the lines of an rp admin/head. The admin’s main purpose is to keep things structured and organized, as well as putting together the events they’re in charge of. This is pretty much how everyone treats the man anyways, BUT, while an admin is in charge of a lot they do NOT have the final say over everything, particularly in regards to the characters and their players. 

Players in an rp for the most part have full control over their characters (within reason and the confines of the rp setting) and an admin enforcing their will onto a character (such as enforcing certain backstory choices that don’t seem particularly wanted. For example, the fridge with c!Phil) is often frowned upon unless there is a good reason for it and discussed with the rper. 

It is also notable that just because there is an admin, that doesn’t mean they’re the sole writer/organizer/etc. It is not at all uncommon for specific subplots and or other important events to be headed by players involved in it in this type of rp. This can be seen in practice with how the Eggpire plotline was headed by BBH and the prison plotline was mainly written by Dream and Tommy. 

Summary:

- head writer/admins do not and should not control everything

- organise and structure events

- players might admin their own smaller plots within a rp

Narrative consequences

Now, another hot topic- especially in regards to character discourse (my abhorred personally). Narrative consequences. These are generally referred to when someone thinks a character is not getting the consequences for their actions in the story that they should, or (more rarely in my experience) when they feel a character is being punished too hard for their actions. While this is an understandable feeling to have, at the end of the day narrative consequences just aren’t much of a thing in roleplay, at least not to the same extent as a book or tv show. 

This is for one simple reason, consequences rely on the character’s actions and how they respond to others around them, if a character does not feel like it’s fit to react or if it angers their character- it is 100% within their right to respond accordingly. 

However, there is also an argument that can be made if a character responds to something in a way that doesn’t align with a character’s usual actions. For a personal example, one time in a rp I was playing a character who was intervening when another character was being hurt, however, my character was met with scorn from being somewhat aggressive regarding it- I felt that this was unfair as none of these character showed the same scrutiny to characters who did worse things, and none of these characters had been established as hypocrites. 

This grudge lasted the entire rp until my character died. This is a point where believing that the consequences to a character are unjust is more or less fair, but, a character simply not getting immediately smited or a character getting scorn is not automatically a point against the character, especially since an rper cannot reasonably make their fellow rpers react a certain way.  

Summary:

- narrative consequences are not the same in RP as in other mediums

- can't force characters to react, or force players to react in a way they don't feel is fit

- but can critique RP if things feel unfairly ooc/inconsistent

Retcons

Next up, retcons. What is a retcon? It’s short for retroactive continuity, in essence it’s when in a piece of media something is changed retroactively- such as a character’s personality, how an event occurred, etc. for an outsider audience perspective retcons are often looked upon unfavorably, as it’s changing something already established which can cause friction among those attached to certain ideas, but in reality retcons are both a neutral concept and fairly normal to occur in rps. 

Rps are (generally) not professional writing, they’re things made up on the fly with perhaps a base to work off of (and depending on the rp, not even that. However in the rps I’ve done we generally had character sheets and the like for backstories and all) and thus sometimes mistakes happen. One of the main causes for minor retcons is when details are confused or left out that would have realistically affected the situation or how characters would have responded to it, unless in severe cases these usually happen on the spot and don’t cause much of a fuss. 

Major retcons often fall along the lines of players and how they choose to present their character. This is especially common when a player is using a character for the first time or even if they’re just new to an rp in general, sometimes as we rp we simply decide to take things in a new direction and sometimes that direction may cause things already established to be retconned, even if not outright stated. 

A good example of this is the enderwalk with c!Ranboo, the enderwalk as it was first introduced is very different than it is portrayed now, likely as a result of Ranboo taking a new direction with his character since then. More widespread retcons may happen if people are unhappy with a certain plot thread, in this case an example would be the canon status of SBI, Wilbur used to push it but Techno (and later Phil) didn’t want it to be canon, so anything about it previously said has been soundly retconned. 

In my own case character retcons very often happen to me when I first use an oc, as the character takes a different shape than what I put on the paper in practice, even sometimes within the same rp (one of my first ocs was practically unrecognizable as the same character in the beginning of an rp as compared to even just a few weeks later).

So, retcons are fine and normal to occur, but, like I said- they’re neutral. A retcon can very well be done poorly and cause problems. This is mainly in issue with retcons made that affect highly established and built upon aspects without discussion with all those who’d be effected, this can cause confusion, plot holes and cause characters to be in a weird limbo if they don’t know how to have their character act without whatever was retconned. Major retcons need to be discussed in order to prevent these problems, and in some cases should be avoided entirely- instead it being better to work for a compromise and rework events rather than removing them. 

Summary:

- retcons are normal and neutral

- small retcons happened frequently in RP to help keep things going in an improv heavy medium. Usually unnoticeable

- large retcons tend to have with new players, or if the story is taking a new direction.

- large retcons require a lot of communication, and sometimes whould be avoided, instead working to compromise and rework the direction of the RP

Metagaming and godmodding

Metagaming and godmodding are two very important terms to know for rp etiquette and if you’ve done any rping you’ve probably seen these words thrown around in rules lists and such already. These are both ultimately negative things that should be avoided at all costs. What are they? Metagaming is when you use information that you know OOC and use it IC even though your character should not have that information. Godmodding is when a character is taken over by another person for one reason or another against the player’s will- such as having a character react to something without letting the actual rper do it. 

The former is a big issue when it comes to discussion of the DSMP and how people interact with it, mainly in the chat and donos. When you are trying to get a character to react to information that they shouldn’t have you are trying to get them to metagame, which is heavily frowned upon in an RP. This is also important to note in discussion, a character not responding to certain important events is not a mark against them if the character has no way of even knowing what was going on, or would not reasonably respond to it with the information they have. 

Summary:

- both frowned upon

- god modding is taking over someone elses character

- metagaming is using out of character information to do in character acting

- Meta gaming is relevant to DSMP particular in how it relates to donos and chats. Don't encourage meta-gaming

All of these factors are important to consider when discussing the DSMP and it’s narrative, it’s not going to function the same as other forms of media nor should it- as once you go in that direction you’re competing with the big boys over at tv and at that point things would fall apart. Improv and it’s unique variables is what makes the DSMP, and anything else like it, special and interesting to follow!