#to write about them lmao

[octoir]

Fic/Au ideas!!

partially inspired by @mushroom-jack , more so inspired by the fact that I have forgotten about way too much shit in gdocs so here’s an attempt to actually collect all the (good) thoughts I have 💪

Tompercy

Generic Time Loop trope

Tom and Percy wake up in a padded room with no magic. they can still do magic. post apocalyptic scene where Muggles win in a war against magic (i.e, Statute leak)

muggles might “harvest” magic from users because they can’t generate it themselves (this relies on the fact that ambient magic is unharvestable or doesn’t exist)

leaning towards unharvestable— thinking maybe everyone has some ambient magic within them, and the statute was made to drain/consolidate magical power for several select few while the masses live without magic at all. with their newfound “equality,” the world is reverting back to how it was the days before the statute leak

EXCEPT for those who don’t “exist” in the present time

So in a radically popular move, even the strongest supporters of “equality” start nicely kidnapping and enslaving magicals from the past, except that just causes the magic to disappear even faster than before. damn this sounds like an allegory

in the building time doesn’t exist— constantly looping in this (prison? factory?) to reset “internal clocks” and also take advantage of disappearing magicals throughout the years = that’s how different generations are able to meet

cities have been built underground to avoid the fallout from the remnants of nuclear war

can also just be a generic experimentation AU 🤷

Suicide (ASOR)

Tom kills himself so Percy doesn’t lose his magic

Tom accidentally kills Percy with the cruciatus curse OR magically stunts him so that he’s intellectually disabled— think the Longbottoms w/ permanent intensive care

Tom ends up killing himself either way because he’s just fucked up the only person who really understood him

Percy kills himself after he kills Tom (in progress)

Either Percy or Tom dies from a magical drug overdose

Here’s some character studies!! (it gets progressively darker)

Hold me until you love me: (in progress)

Percy nearly lets Tom drown (or nearly drowns him himself, it’s not clear) but stops because he loves him

worst possible move

Tom ends up owing Percy a life debt

The longer a life debt goes unfulfilled the more the person feels inclined to pay them back

But Percy HAS to let it go unfulfilled because otherwise Tom will literally murder everyone

So much manipulation

“Stop it,” Percy whispers. “You’d stop it if you really loved me.”

Who even is Tom anymore. everything that makes Tom Tom gets kinda…melted away to save Percy’s friends

Essentially the imperius by the time it stops

just reverse everything Tom did to Percy but make it 10x worse

(you can’t) let me go

Tompercy infidelity au

Percy’s guilt complex makes a sudden reappearance

they were the friends with benefits in university who swears that they were just friends but in reality just miscommunicates to the point where they both feel like the other doesn’t want a real relationship

Tom leaves, gets successful, and then meets Percy…who’s now been married to Penelope for 5+ yrs

they hook up. regularly.

worst possible move

I bet Tom sleeps with basically everyone he knows to try and cope

I bet Percy knows, misinterprets this, and leans more into Penelope to try and cope

I bet Penelope knows but can’t stop it and can’t even imagine divorce (super traditional upbringing) so she just tries to pretend like the world doesn’t exist to try and cope

spoiler: Tom won’t let her and rubs it in her face at every opportunity because he’s jealous as fuck

some super toxic behaviors. gaslighting, manipulation, threats of self-harm, especially if the other tries to leave

this isn’t written for a reason 🫡

I have no need for love

detailing how Tom sleeps his way up to power/sexualizes and/or objectifies himself to survive

very very dubious consent (also rampant pedophilla)

explores Tom’s avoidant-fearful attachment style AND possibly some internal fears— fears that he’ll never be truly valued or loved as long as he’s conventionally handsome

BAMF Percy. beats the shit out of people on the streets. need I say more?

this has the potential to be mildly sweet despite the absolute depravity it contains. might write this

Slightly more happy stuff:

Royalty AU!! (in progress…)

Harry and Percy bonding moments 🫡

Harry’s the prince

Percy’s the peasant pet they stole from his family and keep around for entertainment. He’s allowed to live in the palace only at Harry’s whim

doesn’t feel like a peasant (too isolated) doesn’t feel like royalty (too ostracized)

Tom comes up to him and whispers that he recognizes him, he knows what Percy can do, he knows what Percy is capable of

Maladaptive Daydreaming AU:

can’t describe this too much bc I’m actively writing it lmao

Percy, out of the trauma he has experienced, retreats into the Occlumency shields of his mind to make something better

Telephone AU:

(Post-ASOR)

Percy has the possibility to make telephone calls to Tom at various stages of his life

they (re) fall in love

except one day Percy doesn’t call him

he waits for hours, days, years

Percy warns him not to become Voldemort. He becomes Voldemort out of spite, personally makes sure that Fred is killed but makes it look like an “accident”

that’s mean even for me how about we just make this a sweet love story

some miscellaneous Tombraxas (non-ASOR)

Abraxas mockingly teaches Tom how to be “human”

Enemies to lovers— Abraxas fell first, but Tom fell harder

Abraxas is the only person he’ll genuinely listen to

Tom is the only person he’ll hear out

Abraxas teaches him about pure blood heritage— he’s the one that gives him the pureblood record book, the book that allows Tom to make the Gaunt connection

Tom teaches him various dark magics— relentlessly innovative, contributes to the Malfoy Manor wards himself

confesses that he’s an orphan but Abraxas is his family!! he’s his home!!

they break up because Abraxas needs an heir lmfao and Tom resents him for it forever

literally fucking snags his son and his grandson as revenge

tomione

(I’m not a huge fan, but there are some ideas here that kind of carry over from tompercy)

Hermione is always relentlessly trying to fix Tom

Tom gets fed up with her and points out that trying to love someone into changing for them isn’t love, it’s manipulation

promptly tries to manipulate her back lmfao

they’re really toxic

Tom constantly dismisses her but that just makes Hermione more desperate to prove herself to him

eventually she comes to her senses and breaks up with him

but then that triggers Tom’s abandonment issues and he starts love bombing

if I ever wrote this, it’d just be an experiment on how toxic relationships work

mildly interesting though…hm…

I do not care what you do with these AUs 💪💪 send them to me though if you do anything with them bc I’d love to read what yall have come up with

[woof-squiggles]

nitten adoption day!

(psst, you can fill out an adoption form here)

[frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe]

just a little something for the darling @yournowheregirl to wake up to! it sounds kinda dumb and insignificant, but i always appreciate your tags in the fun tag games that come across your dash and for always being one of the first that ask something from those ‘ask me’ posts i reblog! it makes me feel appreciated and i am super grateful every time 🥰🫶🥹

There was meant to be two beds.

Steve specifically got a double king room for the goblins, and another room with two queens for him and Eddie.

So of course as soon as they got into Milwaukee the night before the D&D themed nerd fest, the (actually very nice) woman at the front desk says: “We had to swap around the rooms, but the two will still sleep all you boys, don’t worry!”

Whatever. That’s fine, right? They’ll all have a spot to sleep the next two nights they’re here for the kids’ (and Eddie’s) dragon game convention.

He gets back to their rented minivan and passes the key cards to Eddie in the passenger seat.

The van was just the first point of contention between him and the kids’ beloved Dragon Meister, followed closely by…everything else.

The first thing Eddie said when Steve showed up in the rented van was “King Steve is coming along on our journey?”, to which Steve could only respond with “This ‘super cool’ guy you assholes have been going on about this whole time is Eddie “The Freak” Munson? Really?”

Following closely behind are: the tapes and tapes of loud garbled ‘music’ Eddie insists on playing, his absolutely tragic way of unwrapping Steve’s burgers for him when they stop for lunch, the wariness Steve has in the first place about this being the guy Dustin wouldn’t stop talking so highly about…this nerdy, obnoxious, third-time senior…great.

“204 is the Hellions’ room, 207 is us.”

Eddie bends an arm backwards into the feral beast enclosure the second two rows have become over the last six hours and Steve’s surprised he still has his hand when it returns to the front.

Steve gets the van parked in the hotel’s garage, and they head up to their rooms.

“Alright, assholes,” he says to the somehow still rambunctious masses, “This is you guys, Make sure you’re up by eight so we—“

“Yeah Steve, we got it,” Dustin scoffs, “As if we’d risk being late to this.”

Steve rolls his eyes with a “Fine, goodnight.” and shuffles the few steps across the hall to his and Eddie’s door, leaving the troops to file into theirs.

The only thought in his head is of laying down and getting the fuck to sleep. It wasn’t even that late but—

“Oh you’ve got to be shitting me.”

So that’s what brings them here. To their one barely queen sized bed.

“I guess I’m on the floor then, huh?”

“I’m not about to let you sleep on the floor.”

“Oh, the King has chivalry does he?” Eddie rolls his eyes and throws his duffle onto the armchair in the corner.

“As much as you, asshole; I just want you to have the energy to corral the gremlins tomorrow.” Steve scrubs a hand down his face. “Look, we’ll just deal with it tonight and I’ll get another room tomorrow.” he lies. As if he’s got the cash for that.

Eddie looks him over, and seems to come to whatever conclusion he needs to because he says “Fine, but you better not be a blanket hog.”

Eddie’s the worst blanket hog Steve’s ever had the displeasure of knowing.

He thought Robin was bad, but this is something else.

Eddie’s fully a burrito within an hour of laying down. After a hearty, but silent, game of tug of war over the worn duvet.

Steve falls asleep angry and cold, and wakes up on a cloud.

He’s so warm and so entangled in the comforter, he can’t help but snuggle deeper into the pillow he’s clutched onto.

The pillow hums back at him and scoots itself under his chin with a sigh.

Steve squeezes tighter onto the pillow momentarily, but his curiosity of why his pillow’s making noise gets the better of him.

He cracks his eyes open, looking down at the thing in his arms.

It shifts as well, and Eddie Munson blinks up at him with those (holy shit…beautiful, deep, dark) doe eyes of his.

“Hi.” Steve breathes.

Eddie’s eyes flutter shut, and shuffles himself back into Steve’s neck.

Steve chooses to blame the still sleepy bit of him for curving himself back around Eddie.

“How’d you sleep?” Steve whispers into the now-bared hairline under the other man’s bangs.

“Fucking amazing…” Eddie mumbles, snaking an arm over Steve’s waist and settling a hand in the middle of his back. “How ‘bout you, Stevie?”

“Stevie, huh?” Steve chuckles.

It’s only then that Eddie seems to come to his senses, his head shooting up before he scrambles away, falling straight onto his back between the opposite side of the bed and the wall with an “Oof!” and a “Fuck!”

“Oh shit!” Steve shuffles off the bed and helps Eddie back up, ”You alright, Eds?”

“Yeah..yeah, I’m fine..” Steve gets Eddie back on his own two feet and (reluctantly) lets him go once he’s stable.

‘Reluctantly? Why reluctantly? What the hell??’

“Sorry I was all over you, not the greatest thing to wake up to, huh?” Eddie says, huffing a sardonic laugh under his breath.

Steve hums nonchalantly, “It wasn’t all bad, I slept pretty fucking amazing too.”

Eddie hums an acknowledgment, then: “I wouldn’t—“ Eddie starts at the same time Steve says “I should—“

“You go ahead,”

Eddie’s hands come up between them, spinning the rings on his fingers nervously. “I was going to say that…I.. Iwouldn’tmindifyoustayedtonight..too.”

Steve blinks. “Good thing I was going to say that I really should save my money.”

Eddie’s smile is slightly nervous, but there’s a hopeful tinge to it that Steve can only assume means what he thinks it does (hopes it does).

“Leaves me with more to spend on the Gremlins, right?” he shrugs.

Eddie beams. “Glad to know we’re on the same page, Harrington.”

also, if you haven’t heard it recently: Alice, YOU’RE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE 🤩

[starstruckodysseys]

neverafter finale was just like. pib wrecking shop (aka Actual Player zac oyama choosing violence against brennan). your bird speaks three languages. immediate bird creation. pinocchio and cinderella arguing like siblings. beaky’s sacrifice. aesop throwing a shark into the mix for some reason. flat william. i don’t like my story. aesop x baba yaga. orange hat fairy saga. terrifying dice rolls. zac’s clutch eighteen. it’s kind of like communion. ally throws the hat into the box of doom. brennan drags rick perry into the dome. why did you think that was okay.

pib taking back everything stolen from them. ylfa leaving the little girl behind. rosamund taking care of her. instead of my parents can we find my grandma. that sounds even better. walking off hand in hand with cinderella alongside them. i do love you. i love you too. pinocchio taking a moment to be alone because he knows he never will be after this. you should never have had to handle this.

once upon a time there was a princess who decided to try speed dating. sometimes they’re good ideas and sometimes they’re not and i love you both times. my first wish is to wander with you. pinocchio’s voice drops five octaves. skips puberty entirely. puss in sandals. i can’t get my daughters married for the fucking life of me. divorce court. gerard getting ripped. nocchi. i lean in for a kiss. the big bad wolf putting on an orange hat and walking off into the sunset.

and they all lived happily.

[jeiyuuen]

So Luffy and Law reunion after two years, some totally biased thoughts...

Luffy really just recognized Law right away like that, huh? After two years of not meeting at all, and barely having interacted prior to Marineford. What was the first thing he recognized that he was sure that's the guy who saved him then? (Is there something you would like to share with the class, Luffy?)

It's so funny because nothing could've prepared Law for Luffy's sheer joy when they met again. He was so genuinely happy to find Law and it's ruining Law's emo vibes.

Like damn, he built up a reputation!

Pretty much everyone else up to that point has called him cruel, ruthless and all that. Back to Marineford and Sabaody, people talked about bad rumors about him. Even when he saved Luffy, they doubted his intentions. They were so sure there must be a catch to Law's help. (There was no catch.) It's just fun to think about because here Luffy is treating him as something good that happened in his life. Poor Law couldn't handle that much positive attention.

And uhm no, trying to deflect saving someone's life from death as "nothing" or something like that wouldn't really work. Especially when Law really didn't need to risk it all like that to get Luffy out of Marineford. They barely had a connection and even a potential rivalry is hardly worth the risk. Calling it a "whim" is the most Law can call it before he starts questioning his life again. But whatever the reason is, the fact still stands that he helped Luffy... And isn't that what matters, anyways? To Luffy, at least.

Law: "We are both pirates." (we're enemies)

Luffy: ":D Okay, anyways, you saved my life."

Law !!!! He ADORES you already !! It's over !! And giving more helping hand doesn't actually help your case !!

Also more exhibits of Luffy being excited over Law that I just find so cute. The way he perked up when Law was mentioned... He likes him.

He didn't say anything during Brownbeard's story until Law was mentioned, Luffy my guy.... He likes him so much, not necessarily romantic, but Luffy really just likes Law.

Law really stood no chance and asking Luffy for that alliance was the final nail to his coffin. He sealed his fate to be Luffy's super duper mega best friend FOR LIFE.

[blueskiesofsaturn]

Part 4 hehe :) <-<- First || <- Part 3 || Part 5 ->

[biblically-accurate-dca]

au where moon fills in while sun is "on vacation" and nothing bad happens

[zishu-arts]

some of my fav ava/m duos drawn w references

[wikiangela]

thinking about buck and Tommy showing up to some firefam dinner/barbecue/some family event, someone notices a hickey peeking out from under Tommy's collar (or maybe there's one in a very visible, impossible to cover up with clothes place), someone makes some teasing joke/comment, buck goes all red but smiles proudly when Tommy grins and says 'yeah, someone got a little carried away last night' with a soft and playful look at buck, and Buck shrugs, says 'gotta make sure people know you're mine' and he leans in to kiss Tommy, just a chaste peck, and someone's like 'ew, get a room' and Buck chuckles and he's so happy to be able to just joke with his family and his boyfriend, and be so open and free about how in love he is, and Tommy's right next to him with his hand on Buck's knee under the table, and he's never been happier

[justaz]

arthur (prince of camelot) still has to study under a tutor bc yknow uther wants him to be very intelligent before becoming king or something bc its super important idk idc anyways merlin is doing chores in his chambers while arthur is squinting at a book and merlin eventually caves and asks him what he’s reading and arthur gruffly explains that its a collection of stories from greece that make absolutely no sense so merlin asks him to read them outloud to him. arthur of course teases him and calls him an idiot and asks how he could possibly help but does as he’s asked and reads the stories to merlin as he does his chores. merlin (being crushed under the weight of destiny and tormented by the prophecies that kilgharrah spews) understands the stories almost immediately and gets all excited and starts rambling about them with arthur. arthur is glad to have someone who understands so he can give something that reflects a hint of understanding to his tutor who accepts it and moves onto the next unit of education.

the thing is, arthur finds more stories in camelot’s library and brings them up to his room to read them aloud to merlin under the guise of completing his studies but really he just wants to watch as merlin’s eyes gleam when he understands whats happening and listen to him ramble on and on about them bc he’s gay. the stories stick with merlin though and he realizes that they’re cautionary tales, that the heroes who were told too much of their future doomed themself to fulfill them - that them fighting the prophecies led to their completion. merlin takes it to heart and gives a big “fuck you” to kilgharrah before forging his own fate and helping morgana with her magic and handing out an olive branch to mordred and now everyone can live happily and peacefully in an albion teeming with magic.

[magnusbae]

The first time they share a bed, actually share, not collapsed after a feverish fucking or exhausted into nothingness after an endless battle, but a real get ready for sleep, bedtime routine and all—Anakin cannot stop moving.

Restless and uncomfortable, he is hyper aware of every dent in the mattress, every ruffle of the sheets. His mind is not numbed by an orgasm or a complete fatigue, instead it's left to boil with awareness, with unrest.

"Anakin." Obi-Wan sounds only a little annoyed. The man is exhausted, Anakin doesn't need their bond to hear that. He is tired and in need for sleep. "What is the matter?" he still finds it within himself to ask, sounding genuine enough, concerned enough.

"Noth—" Anakin begins, and thinks better of it when Obi-Wan's silhouette tenses up, a barely there shift in the shoulders. Tonight is not the night in which he wishes to test his Master's patience, not when they both are so clearly not up for bickering.

Anakin sighs, admitting, with no small amount of embarrassment in his hushed voice "—I usually sleep on the right side…" It's close enough to the truth, he thinks, cheeks warming.

A moment of silence is broken by a muffled and genuinely amused snort. His Master doesn't even pretend it was a cough. He just laughs.

"Oh Anakin." Obi-Wan sighs once his shoulders stop shaking with his silent mirth, sounding painfully affectionate.

"Master! You—" Anakin's protests are cut short by a pair of strong hands, maneuvering him easily to the right side of the bed. Anakin can practically feel the huff of laughter against his neck when he is drawn closer, back pressing snugly against Obi-Wan's chest.

"Better?" his Master purrs against his ear.

Yes. Yes, better.

"Thank you, Master."

The smile in his voice is so obvious, laid bare. He sounds like a besotted fool. With how easily a mere hug could easen all of his uncertainties, lighten all of his concerns— perhaps he is.

"Good." his Master takes it for the answer that it is, pressing his nose against Anakin's nape and exhaling a gentle: "Good night, Dear One".

The wrong side of the bed was the least of Anakin's worries and even that is forgotten in the sleep that soon follows. So easily. He smiles.

[sewermageboy]

"Anyone who makes Astarion do the foursome/fivesome is a monster -" shut the fuck up.

He is the one who initiates it. At no point in the conversation did my Tav say that they wanted to do this, until Astarion was the one to suggest going for it.

Now, I as the player know that Astarion isn't going to have a great time here, that he will dissociate, and it'll probably end up as a shit experience in the end. But my character doesn't know that. All they know is that their partner is enthusiastically suggesting that he wants to do this, to reclaim a part of himself, that he wants to try and figure out his own desires after having them be cast aside for so long.

He assures you that he is up for this, that he'll leave if he grows truly uncomfortable. I (as the player) know that he won't, that he'll still go along with it even if he starts to grow uncomfortable, but my character? They're choosing to trust their partner in asserting his own boundaries and telling them if he's uncomfortable, if he needs to leave. To my character, telling him not to do this when he so clearly wants to try feels almost a little condescending.

You can even check in with him during the scene, asking him if he's alright.

To me, this isn't a scene in which one partner pressured the other to do this at all. It's a scene in which Astarion tried something, eager to experience all the pleasures that come with freedom and healing, and it didn't work out because 200 years of trauma and baggage don't just miraculously go away.

But he tried, and he chose to try, and supporting him in those choices matters, too.

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

dannies are like “yeah i know i have the worst taste. don’t worry i know i’m garbage. also sorry for having a lesbian crush on dan howell idk how to explain it he’s just my wife sometimes. also i hate him but it’s only ok for me to hate him btw. i’m very ashamed but sadly i was just born this way and lady gaga told me to love myself the way i was born but i make it pretty fucking hard to do that. dan is an annoying dumb whiny bitch and he’s everything to me. phil is a god and deserves to be worshipped as such i just belong in the trash bin with dan. it’s where i was born it’s where i grew up and its where i will die. its who i am inside and out to my core. i cannot tell you what this man means to me. he’s so stupid and he owns my heart. every time he talks i scream SHUT UP at my phone and here’s his handwriting tattooed on my arm. love is love okay and god has cursed me to love a cringefail whore that’s just the way it is. yeah ‘embrace the void and have the courage to exist’ was my senior quote so what. what about it. let me have inferior taste. yknow what why are you interrogating me” and honestly we’re so real for that

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Killua and the Power of Wishes

Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.

As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.

One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.

Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.

Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.

Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.

To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.

I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.

Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.

What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.

[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]

This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.

When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.

[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]

It's such an innocent, simple want.

And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.

In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:

Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."

Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)

Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."

And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!

So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.

10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.

Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.

It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.

Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).

"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"

The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.

Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?

Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]

Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.

And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.

This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.

It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.

[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]

I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.

However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.

Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.

[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]

I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.

But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.

Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]

Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?

Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.

[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]

Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".

I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.

...holy shit, kid.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]

And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(

What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.

In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.

Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]

Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.

Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.

They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:

As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course

Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo

I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.

Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.

The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.

So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.

Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.

It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.

Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.

Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]

Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.

Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.

Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.

And Alluka tears into him for it.

[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]

You tell him, girl.

Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?

"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.

Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.

And neither should Killua.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]

It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.

Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.

And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]

...she doesn't even have to think about it.

I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.

[taravangians-storming-balls]

Kaladin's final smash in which he lashes mario directly into the atmosphere

[divorcedfiddleford]

@tazmiilly and i talked for no fewer than six hours today about parallel ford and his mobility aids. here's some of what i came up with

you can barely see it but credit to @badwaves for the institute logo (link to a drawing he did with it)

image IDs are in alt text; design notes below the cut

Image ID: a screenshot of writing on a digital whiteboard. the text reads as follows:

wheelchairs - 2

foldable chair - easily transportable - designed for manoeuverability in high traffic/urban areas - mostly used at the end of a long day

motorized chair - for long treks/field missions - ridged metal frame - designed for rough terrain - souped up by fiddleford

two or three canes

fancy cane for formal events (mostly for fashion)

everyday cane (sturdy, classy)

field cane (collapsible, has a concealed weapon)

mabel puts stickers on all of them

end image ID.