#todays entry in 'i dont know when to shut my mouth'

[yurianonikki]

22|07|24 yulia’s diary

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.╰┈➤. entry 2; into the past,

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚.🎀༘⋆╰┈➤. today's mood; tired, kinda annoyed.

๋࣭⭑╰┈➤ right after yesterdays entry i got into an argument with my boyfriend. it was over something stupid and then it escalted, i mean, we came to a conclusion but i wouldve prefered for it to not have happened. the day before yesterday at around 11pm he texted me out of nowhere and asked me ''whats one thing you hate about me'' and i asked him if he wanted me to be honest, so i was honest. i said;

i hate how late he is to everything all the time, it almost feels like he doesnt respect me and my time

i hate how he cancels our plans we have made days sometimes weeks before for his friends who ask to hangout last minute, he has never once tried to comprimise with them and say he has plans with me already on that day

i hate how he tends to be hypocritical; when i do something its such a big problem but when he does it its alright because he has a reason to do that. as if i dont also?

and that was that. he didnt say anything else that night. the next morning he texts me asking me how i am whatever whatever, then about 40? minutes later he texts me saying ''i think im just below average and thats alright. i mean i cant even show up on time for you i bet any other guy could.'' and our argument escalted from there. i tried to reassure him that even though he acts this way now it doesnt mean he wont or cant change in the future and he kept dismissing what i said and just igniting his own insecurities by making up the most random scenarios about what COULD happen. ''well i could die tomorrow, how would i change for you then?''. after a bit of back and forth about this we got into another argument over what actually happened last saturday and why he was late that time. he said i was annoyed at him for being late even though his dad was holding him back. which is true. and i told him ''you know i woulnt be as annoyed if you told your parents you have someone waiting for you already and that you have plans'' and he FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER says he does tell them, the problem i had was that he never told me that and i was left to assume he just didnt do anything to try to not be as late, right?! the main argument here was that he didnt understand that i was mad at him not telling me that he did inform his parents about his plans NOT that i was mad he was late because his dad held him back but his dad didnt know i was waiting for him; does that make sense? it does in my head. and now the final part of our argument: he asked me how he could be better for me and i told him my list of things. one of them was that i said he had to eventually mature and put me above his friends and family in his priorities when we become more grown adults and have kid together. he had an issue with this because he didnt really see the pov that he wasnt gonna be living with his parents forever, and that him and his friends are gonna have their own lives to worry about and wont have time for eachother as much, and that hes gonna have to take care of his NEW family and HIS KIDS and HIS WIFE(🤞). he assumed i was saying right now i need to be the most important person in his life (i still kinda think that because yk were supposed to be together for the rest of our lives) and he needs to respect me more than his parents and cut off all his friends for me, WHICH IS NOT TRUE, that is NOT what i was saying. but we finally came to a conclusion after i explained to him in detail what i meant rather than him assuming and putting words into my mouth, we will both be more clear with eachother and instead of getting mad and shutting down we will communicate regardless. whew. im glad thats done. it was hellish. but were good now, i love him so much 💜

๋࣭⭑╰┈➤but now back to the main point of my entry. back into the past. i mentioned in my last entry about my old friendgroup from 3 years ago and their weird obsession regarding me. for context; there was 4 girls i was friends with: ro****, 2ro*******, e**** & mi***** (i think i should also mention that ro**** is a polish gypsy and 2ro******* and mi***** are slovakian gypsies - and before you cancel me they literally called themselves gypsies and have no problem with it so ill be refering to them as that). back near the end of 2020, i became friends with ro**** as she was friends with my now ex-childhood friend m*** (she isnt important to this) and in the beginning of 2021, around march-april time i started talking to 2ro******* because we were both interested in k-pop and we had literally the exact same classes and with e**** because she also had classes with us. we 3 became close and after a while 2ro****** introduced us to mi***** and me, ro****, 2ro*****, e***** and mi***** all became friends. at the end of that school year we had a falling out with e**** because i was told by the 3 of them that she was talking shit about me behind my back. and at the time i believed them because it was 3 people claiming the same thing and they showed be screenshots of her saying i made really insensitive jokes and she didnt like them. so we all confronted her and basically kicked her out of our friend group because she decided to talk shit about me to them rather than telling me she felt uncomfortable with the things i say. flashforward to early 2022, our friend group was thriving as a 4 and we had no issues (thats what i thought at least) until around may time. i had noticed all of them being kind of weird and distant which was very unusual. we would still sit at break and lunch together and sit in class but we said almost nothing to eachother at all. then i got covid and was off for 2 weeks whatever whatever, but when i came back i had a comversation with ro**** about 2ro*******'s false lashes, i made a joke to her about them which i also told 2ro****** and then when i told that joke to her she told me that ro**** had told i was talking shit about her lashes, not true? we have always made jokes about eachothers appearances why is it a problem now? she did say she knew i was joking anyways and didnt take it seriously. i also noticed them suddenly talking about a person called 'lisa', which i instantly knew was me.

1) 2ro******* had told me i look like lalisa from blackpink and we had an inside joke about that and with my crush at the time,

2) they always made code names for people to talk shit about them without anyone knowing and they still do it to this very day.

and i decided to ask them who it was. they clearly didnt expect me to ask that because they all told me slightly different things seperately but when we were together later that day that i asked them as a group they had suddenly decided to say the same thing? weeeeiiirrrddd. i let it go because i didnt wanna make myself more depressed knowing that they were probably gonna cut me off at this point. i also came to the realization that what they said about e**** was probably either completely fake or overexaggerated. ro**** also blocked me on snapchat that week because we had agreed to talk about what was happening after school and that she was gonna tell me the truth because she felt bad? this happened in front of another mutual friend ki** but shes not important, when i confronted her about it she said her brother did it whlst using her phone? alright girl.

after that i kinda started hanging out with different people i knew, mainly sil*** because she was also friends with them but decided to side with me and believe me when i told her about all of this. literally a few days later, probably 2 days later at the end of break 2ro****** asked me ''are you avoiding us because we know you talk shit about all of us to people?'' and i was so taken aback because i know for a fact i have never once uttered a negative word about them to someone who was immediately close with us. in french that day i asked 2ro****** if we could talk about what she said to me earlier because i was genuinly confused and has no idea what was going on. it was honestly pointless though because i wasnt told anything concrete. i asked them "can you give me an example of when i talked shit about any of you" and i kid you not in a circle they kepy saying ''i dont know ask ____'' and i just walked away after that i didnt speak to any of them nearly at all after that because what the fuck kinda bullshit is that?

๋࣭⭑╰┈➤ after that we didnt have many interactions;

in p.e before i moved groups 2ro****** walked past me and said ew, like alright girl your eyeliner is lopsided lets worry about that first.

there was a tiktok account about our school and one of the videos was about those 3, saying theyre all ugly and that what they did to me was horrible. i have to this day no idea who made it i asked everyone who i knew if they did it and no one owned up to it. they confronted me about it and asked me if i made it and obviously i didnt make it because im not talking about them all day and all night, (im only making this entry to vent and to hopefully forget about them forever now)

in science the next school year, i was talking with this girl mar**** who was friends with them but they had all fallen out and had a literal fight at school 🌝 - for context, these 3 girls tried to make up rumours that mar**** had a crush on a boy in our school, yu***, which wasnt true as well as making up lies to her and her friend ang** to try to make them stop being friends, which didnt work - when we were talking in science she told me ''your actually not that bad 2ro****** was saying your so mean and weird'' but i wasnt surpirised they said that about me. i made a comment about another girl saying ''i feel bad for do**** (the girl) because shes friends with all of them but they all hate her, they talk so much shit about her to anyone who listens'' later at lunch, i found out ma**** told do**** what i said and do**** confronted them about it, im assuming they lied and said im the liar because me and do**** never spoke after that even though we were friends, they confronted me about it and i said the truth, ''yes i did say that to ma**** because its true, you talked shit about do**** to me too'' and that was that, they just walked away after that, we havent spoken since that moment.

๋࣭⭑╰┈➤ i dont miss them, im glad i wont ever interact with them directly since i moved. but funily enough ro**** was also kicked out their new friend group that they added 2 ukrianian girls to. seems like i always get the last laugh anyways 😝

🎧ྀི happy blackpink comeback announcement guys my girls are coming back 🥺 I'll kick it if you're down, kick it if you down

[pwblogarchive]

November 2004

November 2, 2004

“Complaining Couldnt Touch This Kid.”

i would feel bad ever telling anyone what to do. i have thought for months what i would say or how i should act- ive thought and thought. i don’t like kerry or bush (i like kerry alot more than bush though). i am going to vote for john kerry. i won’t beg you or tell you to do anything. but if you are of voting age and are in a swing state. please think hard and make the choice that fits you best.

peter

November 3, 2004

your princess is in another castle

happyhalloween

November 3, 2004

5:47 pm

booyah

November 4, 2004

“brothers and sisters.”

the smell of fall. leaves. the weakerthans show- "the sidewalks watching me think about you". both ewok movies back to back. peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. the things they write about me versus how it really goes. the book being in my hands- how we all feel in our skin. sometimes when you're caught you just gotta throw your hands up and confess. the way you smile when you say his name like you never do with me. new songs.

peterpumpkineater

November 7, 2004

“things that mean other things always don't mean a damn thing in the scheme of things”

being home is always a rollercoaster for me. things are good, then ok, then pretty bad, then good, then bad again (not always in that order). im getting by more latley on a pair of really thick glasses and no faith in human beings. as of now i have a pro-tools situation and have been recording things, mostly just making up stuff on the go and seeing how it turns out. so far its fun. ive had a lot of my mind as of latley, just how there's so much good that turns straight to bad and im always like this the night before i leave. certain things are constant struggles for me but i keep fighting them and i dont know why sometimes when i end up feeling wrecked, but i guess my brain is trying to tell me that the few struggles i take on are worth fighting. i dunno anymore. i hope so though, because no one should feel unhappy like i do at a time like this. im not unhappy with my life, just unhappy with an aspect of it. otherwise things are pretty ok. i took my dog ben on a walk today and he was running around a lot. i picked him up a few times though he is getting far too large for that and will so be too heavy. i saw some of my friends today, not everyone that i wanted to or everyone as long as i would like to. but the people i spent my time with were more than worthy of it. the one thing that bugs me about going away for long periods of time is when i get home i feel like everything has changed around me to a degree where i cant keep up. like im a step behind every time i get home. eh, late night thoughts.

November 11, 2004

“drop it like its hot”

The day spent dreading flying. I am scared to fly for some reason. Make it to las vegas. Our flight to l.a. Was cancelled. Drove from vegas to l.a. Began working on the songs. Me and patrick are sharing an apartment here, so are joe and andy. Its like old times. The weather is amazing. There are so many good shows here. Went to over it. Gonna try and see morrissey in a couple of days. Hung out with my friend kate from the fight. She's rad. We went up on muholand drive and saw the entire city. It made me feel like I couldn't breathe. She says the word "vitamins" funny cause she's british. She also say the word "safe" a lot and calls sneakers trainers. Their record comes out next week. I command you to buy it. I miss home but this record is going to be worth it. I promise. Its going to make you think about things in a new way.

Sorry for the boring journal entry. I realize I didn't get the closure I wanted from take this to your grave. This record will have the most brutally honest words I have ever written.

That's all. Lets get hitched and grow old.

Peterpan

November 14, 2004

“I've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your fucking mouth”

We've got about 23 songs right now. Were gonna cut it down and figure them out. Its strange staying in one place for so long. If you're watching tv tommorrow- we snuck some tickets for the american music awards- I'm sure well be like a million rows back but well try to start a fight or spill a drink on someone famous on camera so you can get a laugh. I'm sure they'll never let us stop by again...

Peterpumpkineater

November 15, 2004

“finally an entry that doesnt involve joe's general tso's chicken”

the AMAs were less than interesting as i am sure anyone who watched knows. ana nicole smith was fucking faded as hell. it was like watching a blondehaired trainwreck. walked onto the red carpet by accident but we are so unfamous that we didn't even get in trouble. got to eat good food and people watch at stupid parties. hung out with my buddy chad and some kids. watched kanye west with like thirty other people- kanye west is amazing. im getting pretty sleepy. maybe ill think of something better in the morning.

im

just

out

of

chances

p

November 15, 2004

we only do it for the attention.

I'm just a broken emo record.

Time to retreat to other areas.

You know where to find. Or maybe you don't.

me and patrick are gonna go cry and hold hands.

Wink. Smile.

Peter

November 17, 2004

4:16 pm

“after the party theres the hotel lobby”

yeahyeahyeah. we're becoming so l.a. psyche! anyway. i dont have much to say except the weather is radical here. after our chicago metro show on dec 29- we're gonna have an after party and prescreen the release the bats dvd- maybe youll hear about it and stop by. youll laugh. youll cry.

laterskater

November 24, 2004

“its too bad you only look so goddamned beautiful when you're crying your eyes out”

i am going to do a better update soon. but just to say- the recording is coming along. andy is almost done with drums. his hair is so flowing. like a pony. nyc was amazing as usual. we have some suprises coming up. (if you don't like suprises than you also probably don't like saturdays, palm trees, puppies, ice cream, first kisses, etc). fuse was fun. thanks for coming out and hanging out, i felt pretty dorky and was a glad there were some people there. im sorry i had to leave right from there to my plane, so i am sorry i couldn't stick around and hang out. we'll be there all day on dec. 26th to make up for it. also, it was definitely weird being anywhere with out the rest of the band so don't expect too much of that. we are attatched at the hip.

you can get "the boy with the thorn in his side" at select hottopic's starting this week. if yours doesn't have it, ask them to order it for you.

more later. peter

oh yeah to the girl who gave me the signed morrissey picture and jetted before i could thank, THANK YOU.

November 26, 2004

their eyes are like pills. its funny. the blue ones take to you down. the brown ones pick you up. it doesn't even make a whole lot of sense looking back on it now. there are a couple of sets of eyes that are like bookmarks in life. they are there to mark the chapters. highlights so you pay attention to the changes. dogeared pages. the way she looked at me the first time- all the blood ran out of me. with the biggest eyes. that trusted and believed and dreamed and hoped and lived. so i blinked. i faked like i couldnt tell. i was always so goddamned scared to see my own flaws reflected on them. and i cant count the times i crushed them. and you realize that they will never look up at you the same.

i cant blame you for giving up on me.

join the club.

i have a lifetime membership.

- petey

November 28, 2004

“professor murder”

ok so my new shoes are kind of bad looking. but i like them. both are dunks. one are lowtops and pretty much are bears colors, the others are high tops and are white and blue. i own way more than 5 bad pairs of shoes. i own about 11 that only i enjoy and are not here to impress anyone. they know i love them and i let them know that at least once a day. maybe ill take a group picture of them for you if i get around to it. what i really wanted to say is im sorry i got into xbox so late, but i just wanted everyone to know that just because i started play knights of the old republic 4 days ago doesn't mean i haven't almost beaten it yet. because im just that close. and i made sure to buy the new lord of the rings rpg for such cases where i will need a new video game. but when kotor2 comes out, i will be learning so many force powers you'll wish the force was with you too. but its not. its mostly with me. my dog gets to have some too cause he can jump really high and can still be picked up even though he is teetering on 70 pounds at only 5 months. good job ben! you're growing up! he's probably more a dark jedi because he still nips a little and thinks it's real cool to pee when he gets excited. sorry ben, not cool my friend. just funny. anyhoo, its been a while since ive given a list of what i currently enjoy. here is such a list:

music:

owen-i do perceive

aloha-here comes everyone

pig destroyer-terrifyer

brian wilson-smile

interpol-antics

isis-panopticon

tusk-tree of no return

frank zappa-broadway the hard way

video games:

star wars knights of the old republic-xbox

lord of the rings the third age-ps2

star wars jedi academy II-xbox

grand theft auto san andreas-ps2

dvds:

aqua teen season 3

home movies season 1

arrested development season 1

star wars 2: clone wars

tv:

tom goes to the mayor

internet:

yahoo mail

food:

chicken in most any form

[ramblingsofuncertainty]

Old Entries

Ramblings

Sunday

3:15. The silence is nice. I can talk to Allah swt and I feel safe at this moment. The stillness of the night isn't stifling. I don't turn on the fan even though it's hot. I like the silence. My thoughts are quite too

7:10. I don't want to get up but I've already jumped off the bed. Need to get breakfast ready. Need to take medicine. Need to hurry hurry hurry.

9:15. Panic and dread.

11:50. Relief. Exhaustion. 

2:42. I had this really intense need to be talking about it with Saadia. Can't call her cos she's probably sleeping. And this urge might become less and then I'll make excuses to myself to not call her. But I wish we were exhausted and lying in her room ranting. Or maybe not even that. Just being quiet. She'd be watching something stupid like NCIS or suits or something and I’d be squished in her giant beanbag (territory Id claimed long ago) I remember the neck ache I got when Id been squished in it too long. Her mom would poke her head in and shake her head at us and bring us pasta. Or chicken bread! Man, I miss that chicken bread. The squishy peices of corn that would pop in your mouth and the hot buttery peppery chicken.

She knows me inside out. I don't want to burden her right now. She can't do anything about it being so far away.

I'm happy, reminiscing while writing about her, and it hasn't made me sad, in a surprising turn of events. I think my circuitry is messed up. But happy accidental serotonin is still serotonin and I'm grateful.

Monday

Didn't write the whole day. Brain feels like a fog. No emotions. I just need sleep. 

Tuesday

9.:40. Stopped to have a conversation with a squirrel. It seemed interested, but then decided it didn't have the time. Squirrel business called. And I was late for class

9:43. Needed to make a call and that was it for the day. Cue the mind haze. All the emotions all at once. And none at the same time.

Music to shut out the thoughts. Helped a bit.

P realized something was up. As much as I felt cheery and awake at the end of the day, but she knew something was off. I couldn't put a finger on it til she said it. Despite trying trying to distract myself, I still felt like there is a pulling, scratching inside. I'm craving something and I don't know what it is. Bit it's like a dull sort of scratch, like the echo of a thing

Thursday

4:57. Missed fajr. Feel like shit. Had nightmares, woke up feeling more exhausted than when I slept. I haven't been able to dream for like five or six years. But nightmares are becoming a thing now.

8.25. Tried to wake up but the day already feels exhausting and I don't want to deal with it

9:20. Fell asleep and woke up in a panic. There's so much that needs to be done. I have so much work. How can anything feel exciting when there is always anxiety and panic that's flooding my brain. 

9:55. My joy in realizing they've made eggs for breakfast today is fleeting. The eggs are burnt at the edges and dry. I still eat them, my mouth feels like what I imagine it must feel like to wake up from surgery, desperate for water. I'm being ungrateful and I dont like it. It's food. Why am I being like this?

Cant feel much today.

4:50. Decided to take a nap. Woke up in a panic again because I thought I'd slept for three hours instead of one. Body hurts and I don't want to get up. I'll procrastinate more and then the day is over and I've done nothing.

8:05. Feeling good. Found myself humming something. Surprised enough to want to write it down. I feel like I can get something done. Making tea, then getting down to work. I feel like I'm in flow. Hope this stays!

P.S. it didn't stay. Something happened and all sense of time and work and sanity was gone. (Writing this on Thursday)

Friday

I broke the streak today. I didn't want to write down anything the whole day so now I'm writing it at the end of the day. I woke up with a numbness in my body. Had nightmares again. It's getting both more difficult and easier to get up. I can't explain it.

There's this short stretch of trees lining the football field that blooms with these hanging yellow flowers that always snaps me back to the present and gives a couple of seconds of relief everyday. Today it just made me annoyed (there aren't any blooms but the walk usually is still pleasant) because I realized the absence of that relief and that is what jolted me out of my thoughts. Not the relief but the lack of it. 

Everything felt off today. It's exhausting living with myself. 

I came back and slept. I just want to sleep. Forced myself to eat. I can't work. I can't work. I can't work. I'm trying. I have class at 6am. I don't want to be. There's too much noise. Writing all these things down is making everything more concrete. It's the fig tree again. From Sylvia Plaths Bell Jar. But the roots shriveled up and wilted and the trunk is hollow too. No possibilities lying blackened at my feet. They are a distant memory, haunting  the air with a rotten smell. 

(P.S. (writing this on Saturday: I feel disconnected reading what I wrote last night. I don't want to linger on it. That person was there. So was one who was not in that state. I feel like a conduit, in this moment, reading the previous entries, they feel like versions of me that exist and existed, a product of the things happening to me at the time)

Saturday

Today I felt disconnected, outside of my body. Woke up tired again but almost mechanically, went through the motions of getting up and getting through the day. 

I'm relieved though. Beats yesterday in any case.

Saturday/Sunday:

(A summary): I did not open this up to write anything for the past two days because I was in a good place after a very long time. I passively tried to understand what triggered it but couldn't. Coming back to why I didn't write. Writing things down forces me to confront what's going on in my head and usually that untangles whatevers up there and when the thoughts become clear, they are usually not very pleasant. And so I wanted to live in denial for a little bit longer. 

Sunday

9.09: Panic again. but dull. I have to work. There might be eggs. 

11.06: Mediocrity scares me. I don't want to be a blob of nothingness. I have worlds inside of me, I have been so many me-s, they were all people with thoughts and emotions and intelligence. I feel like I have lost grip of so many of those versions of myself, and of the potential that they all had. Now everything I do feels like I am dragging myself through a thick sludge of effort, pushing pushing pushing. My head feels dull and more empty than it used to be. 

The air feels thick. Dead, no crispness in it, just a lingering heat and smell of dead grass

Monday

4:40. Unraveling. The air is nice today, feels fresh and crisp. I can smell the freshly mowed grass of the football ground as a linger on my way back

5.:15. A summary of today: Flow state. I found myself quite unexpectedly in a state of flow, like everything was aligned and I was getting things done. Things seemed to be rolling off of me, I just kept working like nothing mattered and I actually felt happy with the work I made, and when I made something not so good, it didn't stop me. It felt like I side stepped a ditch that would have pulled me in, and I was just able to brush it off so easily and move on. I felt like a person. I felt complete. Like otherwise there's always echoes of me slightly lagging or moving ahead and I'm just trying to keep track of the pieces to move together and making the effort of carrying all the scrambling, falling, scattered pieces keeps me occupied

6:20. A word out of place. And it started this echo that kept reverberating and bouncing back and forth off the walls of my mind. And it shook everything out of place. Like a tiny tremor that upsets the precarious balance that had been a happy accident. 

The crows and their noise just before maghrib remind me of Karachi and the breezy evening air, that smells like dust and sticks to your face on the sheen of oil covering your sticky skin at the end of a long day. The smell of gasoline and petrol heavy and clinging to your clothes, coming home with you

Tuesday

My thoughts are not my own. Not writing today. 

Wednesday

I like this moment. Its the end of the day and I linger going back. My walk is deliberately slow and I focus and at the same time watch without seeing, the details of the accumulated dust on the sidewalk. The cars passing by seem slow and fast at the same time, their noise amplified for some reason. The sound is grating but I cant hear it even though everything feels heightened.

[angstytieflingbard]

2nd anon here! Im amazed the the incredible world building youre creating here, So excited to see this become a fic! But would sacred beings lie dormant until link found the sealed underground hyrule? I do fancy the idea of seeing the spring Dragons fly peacefully around musutafu... I am sad that apparently the races are all gone? Or maybe they adapted to the world of quirks like the zoras became rito in ww, who knows, your choice! ty soo much and take as much time as you need! Dont have to rush

This is another wonderful question, and one I honestly didn’t even think about, at least in terms of the sacred beings. Honestly you’re doing god’s work out here making me actually think before I dive headfirst into this fic. Anyway, thoughts below the cut, as always! 💙

So, I’m actually gonna start with the other races. I’m not gonna lie, a big part of my goblin brain just went “Tokoyami is a rito and also Revali’s descendant,” which for obvious reasons I’m not going to acknowledge again. However, I think that what happened to the other races is in that sort of vein. 

When you look at all of the races of Hyrule, one of the main things that stands out is how segregated they seem to be. There’s very little interaction between the groups besides travelers, who are mostly hylian with some notable exceptions. I imagine after Link defeats Calamity Ganon in BOTW (as well as, of course, whatever happens in BOTW2) the collective efforts to rebuild Hyrule ends up bringing all the kingdoms a lot closer. Plus, with the example of Terrytown to back up the possibility of a real coexistence between all of them, I don’t think it’s that farfetched to say that maybe a new version of Hyrule emerges, where rather than having individual civilizations occasionally united by a common cause, there’s just one kingdom, split into provinces based on the existing cultures and geographical regions. Though it’s not as important to the BNHA/LOZ fic, I imagine this kingdom would have a council, where each member is a representative of each province, and the council itself is presided over by the king or queen, sort of how a king or queen of a typical kingdom might rule by proxy through whatever nobility their particular nation has. 

Anyway, the people of this new Hyrule, rid of the seemingly self-enforced segregation, inevitably do what people do and get married and have kids and stuff, mixing their respective traits and cultures until eventually something resembling humans comes of it, with the dominant traits of both gerudo and hylians ending up being their appearance, and the resilience and natural resistances (and, unfortunately, weaknesses) of the goron, rito, and zora creating the adaptability humans are known for. Now, that’s not to say the more fantastical traits of the races disappeared. Instead, I think they’d be dormant, at least until quirks eventually develop. Then, it’s sort of a free-for-all, those traits and abilities finally having a way to express themselves in people. So, in a way, the “Tokoyami is a rito” thing is true, just not in the way my brain originally wanted to make happen. Similarly, Tsuyu shows more zora traits, and Tamaki has some hylian features. This is a bit of a messy explanation, admittedly, but it was the best way I could figure out to resolve the issue of all the races and kingdoms disappearing. 

Next, the sacred beings, monsters, and even animals specific to LOZ. I think this comes down to the sheikah again, like with the sealed ruins concept I mentioned in the previous ask. So the sheikah have always been a somewhat insular, isolated community, and I don’t think that would change too much even once the newer version of Hyrule ends up forming. If anything, it might even be incentive to continue isolating themselves. The sheikah as a whole have some deep, sometimes really really dark secrets, whether it’s the advanced technology they invented for use against Ganon, or the way that the shadow temple was essentially just one big torture chamber that they used to interrogate/execute/experiment on those considered an enemy of the Hyrulean royal family. In fact, if you believe certain theories, the redeads featured notably in OOT and WW might be their creations, a mix of dark magic and technology used to create mindless, undead guards. So, the sheikah would obviously not be willing to give that info up, and instead would just keep to themselves for the most part, just as they’ve done since time immemorial in the LOZ universe. Until, eventually, recognizing the fading of Hyrule as a kingdom, and the (seeming) disappearance of Ganon, they seal off much of the ruins, shrines, and temples dotting the land, and using the mix of magic and tech they’re infamous for at this point, they also lock away many of the powerful entities around Hyrule in a type of magical slumber (almost like the chamber of resurrection, but without the prerequisite of dying to use it), along with some rarer creatures at their discretion. This includes the dragons, and possibly one or more of the hinox, lynel, and talus, respectively. 

I too would absolutely love to explore the dragons just doing their thing around Musutafu. Honestly, the idea of Musutafu gradually becoming this haven for magic and hylian/sheikah tech is great in general. Like just imagine, uncorrupted guardians becoming, I don’t know, construction or law enforcement aids? Carrying heavy supplies, checking structure stability, blocking off dangerous areas from civilians during villain attacks, even ferrying people across dangerous terrain during rescue situations. Or getting up early and going to Dagobah beach, the sun rising as Farosh (the green dragon) traces it’s path through the sky, returning to the water just as the sun’s cleared the horizon. Or hiking outside Musutafu, and stopping at the peak to turn and look over the whole city, seeing the divine beasts perched seemingly protectively around the city, silent sentries to ward off all who might try to harm those under it’s protection. I think the spirits of the champions would like that, having someplace to guard and care for after so long. 

~~~

Anyway, tell me what you think, or if you have anything else you’d like to talk about! I’d also just like to say how funny it is to me that you’ve already managed to pinpoint my brand, that being “I’m gonna say that I’ll have something out soon and then agonize over it for an entire week before I finally post what is likely the fourth entirely different version of the fic I promised.” I am so sorry, in advance.

[twinkleallnight]

I am sorry for the long break and thank you if you are still there looking for the update.

Marshmallow

Story till now: Drake has build up his individual life as a veterinary and is working at the royal palace. His childhood friends Liam( having a social season), Max ( sponsoring Riley) and Olivia ( a mystery, may be they had a past) are moving on in their lives. Drake has met Hana and is attracted to her but is confused. At the Beaumont bash he is seated with Hana and Olivia for dinner. God help him.!

For previous chapters: Catch up here

The Debate

Book: The Royal Romance AU

Pairing: Drake x Hana.

Word count: 1,681

Disclaimer: All characters belong to pixelberry.

Rating: Mature

Thank you @yourmajesty09 for beta reading!

“Hell, this is going to be one crazy night!” I shuffle in my chair with discomfort.

“Why now, Mr Walker? You seem to have forgotten too soon all the fun we had. Together.” Livy raises her left brow, an indication of an impending doom she is about to cast.

Hana clears her throat, making Livy shift her gaze and she aims at Hana now. “A very good evening to you too, Lady Hana! Your presence has not gone unnoticed. I wonder what your parents have to say for your blooming relationship with a commoner.” I wince at that but I think its better to ignore.

“He has shown more integrity than any of the nobles here. I am sure they will be pleased to meet him, not that it is any of your business.” Hana retorts.

Hana 1, Olivia 0.

I make a mental note and quietly sip the hot and sour soup in front of me.

The next moment Hana’s eyes are warm as she smiles at me. Her hand rests on my thigh. “He is a thorough gentleman. I have known him for six months now.”

“And I know him since I was six years old.” Livy says in a cold voice.

Olivia 1

“I am not counting quantity. It’s the quality time that matters. And I am blessed to have it all.” Hana keeps looking into my eyes, totally ignoring the fiery duchess. I try giving her the pleading look, in an effort to tell her about the unconquerable Nevrakis. In vain!

Hana 2 Olivia 1. I quietly stick to counting.

Hana seems to be unstoppable today as she continues, “We can talk anything on earth with each other.”

Livy cuts through, “We never felt the need to talk, it was understood.”

I groan but the girls are not even noticing me anymore. Livy continues her attack, “You sound like that stupid girl Anna hardly knowing her fake Prince Hans.” My eyes go wide, it’s unlike Livy to be quoting a fairy-tale. But she is not giving me any heed, and rather fans her hand casually at me with her sharp words. “Just because he moves around with a prince doesn’t make him a prince material”.

Hana “Why does only a prince complete a fairy tale? I am proud to have the one you call a commoner, to sum up my tale. And it’s not just about knowing him. It’s the comfort he gives me.

This is really hot and sour; I don’t know if I am relishing the sour taste of the soup or the heated talk between the ladies. Wait, how is this happening? Since when did I become so much important between ladies? Wasn’t this Liam’s routine?

I lose the count of the score of the debate.

----------

As the dinner wraps up, we are still at the end of the hall, standing near our table. Bertrand is bidding farewell to the king and queen as the formal party comes to an end. Liam is standing next to him with Riley on his side. They share a joke and smile at each other, lost in their own world.

Hana winds her hands around my arm and is unable to contain herself. “Aww they are so sweet together!”

Livy standing on my other side, still in bad mood says, “What’s sweet about it? Giggling like fools all the time.”

“That’s what love does. Makes you happy.” I finally speak. Livy's eyes narrow down on me and she storms away to stand with Madeleine ahead.

“So much for a peaceful dinner!” I sigh. “What’s gotten into you?” I chuckle at Hana.

She sniggers, “I wish she accepts herself. I don’t know what she is trying to hide behind her fierce look. She is sweet inside, isn’t she?”

My gaze settles at Livy's tall figure standing at a distance. Many fond memories of the soft- and warm-hearted girl I knew once, flood my mind. “ Yes, she has been the most caring and loving girl I have known as I grew up.” I place my free hand on Hana’s hands that are still clinging on to my arm.

We all move to the Grand hall for the after dinner festivities. It is more of chaos with everyone engaging in the revelry.

As Hana is pulled into a zig with Max and Riley, I excuse myself to the bar. Liam joins me in some time. “Enjoyed your dinner?” he smirks.

“Seems the king takes pleasure in pain of his subjects.”

He gives out a hearty laugh. “Your expressions were quite comprehensive. You should be glad you were left in one piece after that interaction with the Nevrakis Duchess.”

“I don’t know what I have done, to be her target all the time!”

“She is going through something, I guess. She should be back soon. Don’t worry.” Liam reassures.

“I wish I could help her.” I sigh. “But right now, I need to concentrate on something else.”

“Something or someone?” Liam asks.

“Yes, someone I mean.”

“And does this someone happens to be Lady Hana?”

I roll my eyes. “Yes boss! Hana it is. Since her last conversation with her parents, she seems to be more bold, more rebellious and aggressive.”

“And what are you scared of? Commitment?”

“I don’t know exactly. She is here on her parent’s behest who are looking for some prince or Duke or a lord as a match for her.”

“Well even my parents expected that. Marrying into a noble house. Yet, here I am…” he says fondly looking at Riley.

“Hana belongs to a very different part of the world, Liam, where it’s union of families and not just two people. The equations, the restrictions, the complications are all whirling up and my own feelings feel like being curbed under all those expectations.”

“Why don’t you take one step at a time? Start by speaking out your feelings first to the lady. You can deal with other matters later.”

“Hmm.”

“I think time to stop pondering and take some action.” He looks across my shoulder. I turn around to find Hana walking towards me. “All the best.” Liam whispers in my ear and walks away.

Hana sways smiling at me. “Hana, how much did u drink?”

“ Enough to forget the worries and enjoy the moments.”

I look around and find that most of the guests are falling off one by one. I sit with Hana at the bar as she continues saying silly things in her tipsy mood. After few more shots, she manages a sprig of mint from the bartender and starts plucking out the leaves. “He loves me, he loves me nottt, he loves me, he loves me….”

“Hana, what are you trying?” I interrupt by holding her fingers plucking at the leaves.”

“Shhh! I am trying to find out if Drake loves me.” She whispers a note higher.

“Why don’t you ask him?”

“He won’ttt tell me.” She says with extra emphasis on the T.

“How do you know that if you never asked him?”

“His horse told me. You know his favourittte one. Amber. She told me aaaall.” Hana dragged her last word.

“And just how did this Amber tell u all?”

“As a matter of facttt, she neighed.” Hana explained in worldly wise manner. How can she be so cute and stupid at the same time, I thought? Drunk Hana is cute!

“She said that he won’t tell?” I am finding this charming.

“Yessss.”

“Well, I think you should try asking him once. I am sure he won’t hide.”

“He won’tttt.”

“Nope.”

She suddenly straightens up, “Drake Walker, do you…”

“Not here, Hana. Not now.” I literally snub her. I am rather taken aback by her action. I am scared. I need to accept.

She pouts her lips and slumps back on her stool. I cover her tiny hands with mine and look into her honey orbs.

“Talk to him when you are sober and I promise he will open up to you.”

“Promisss?” Her eyes sparkle.

“Promise!”

Soon it’s just the hosts, Liam and Hana left around me.

Hana takes another shot that Max offers. “Hana, I think you have had enough.” I try to warn her but she is distracted by Max as he starts bragging about his peacocks that he has as pets.

“Aww, that must be so cute.” Hana squeals like a child. “Wǒ ài xióngmāo. Tāmen zuì kě'ài”

“Hana, English please. None of us understands Chinese.”

“Panda, I would love to have pandas as pets. They are cute."

Riley hugs or I may say literally hangs with her arms around Liam’s neck as she purrs, “No one is as cute as my blue -eyed beauty.” She pinches Liam’s cheeks.

Amused, Liam looks at me, “Guess we are the only two sober here.”

“I am awake and in senses too.” Max

Hana swings on my arm. “Would you like to have pandas?” She bats her eyes innocently at me.

“Sure, we can talk about it later. We need to get you back to the palace now. It’s late.” I push towards the exit.

Riley is ecstatic as she stands with Max to see us off while we get into the limo.

Hana cuddles up to me and Liam sits across grinning at me.

Hana’s eyes are almost drooping as she lifts her head and nails it, “Drake, I wanna be your duck!”

I slap my forehead and instantly plead, "Hana, you are better talking Chinese please.”

Liam has covered his mouth and is unsuccessfully trying to control his laughter. Max is doubled over, laughing out while Riley tries to decipher what just happened. I wish everyone was as drunk as Hana at that moment. She tilts her head on my shoulder and shuts her eyes blissfully. Thankfully the vehicle moves and I am relieved.

By the time we reach the palace Hana has passed out. Liam helps me by directing us through the backdoor entry so that no one notices as I carry Hana in my arms to her room.

I tuck her in her bed and quickly retrieve to my room.

My phone buzzes with a message alert.

I keep my phone aside and crash down in the bed. I groan and speak to the walls, 'Good night Livy. Dont have the energy right now for the debate.'

ToTags: @ao719 @aloneautumn @bebepac @charlotteg234 @choicesficwriterscreations @choiceskatie @cordonia-gothqueen @cordonianroyalty @drakewalker04 @gkittylove99 @glaimtruelovealways @kat-tia801 @hopefulmoonobject @hopelessromanticmonie @iam-the-kind-and-thoughtful @idontknowwhysblog @islandcrow @jovialyouthmusic @jaxsmutsuo @kingliam2019 @lovablegranny @mrswalkers-blog @mom2000aggie @no-one-u-know @ntoraplayschoices @princessleac1 @ritachacha @speedyoperarascalparty @shanzay44 @texaskitten30 @queenrileyrose @sanchita012 @sfb123 @theroyalheirshadowhunter @xpandabeardontcarex @yourmajesty09

[sunflowersunshinevol6]

Hello Harry

Pairing: Harry Styles x fem!OC

Warnings: smut, cheating, prostitution, blowjobs

Summary: Camille's been cheating. But with who

Harry knows she's having an affair; the question is, with who?

Could be Jake from the yoga studio, maybe her manager or even one of her friends...

Harry is so fucked up.

He hates this, hates thinking about it and feeling jealous and the caveman bullshit that's driving him insane. But he knows Camille is cheating on him, he's found the texts on her phone 'contact unlisted' all about meetings and hotels. They're not exactly the sexiest but then, Camille isn't stupid – deniability is probably something she'd want. Then there's the scent of unfamiliar perfume that hangs to the clothes she dumps in the laundry basket, too deeply ingrained to be anything other than contact with another person. She's picked up a few tricks too, bendy and amazing as she is, she was not a pro when it came to giving head. He wasnt mad of course, it's not the kind of thing that's a deal breaker. He just didn't ask for it and she only volunteered when she felt she needed too. But now....

She'd gotten good at it, great even.

Harry wondered where the hell that had come from.

It made it harder for him to want her when he couldn't kiss her without thinking about her mouth around some one else's dick.

So he keeps checking her phone. Ignored the occasional looks she gives him in the evenings when they're cocooned on the sofa, watching the same rom coms over and over again. The looks that say ' Why do you keep moving away from me? You dont want me anymore?' She actually looks hurt. Sometimes he wonders if it's all in his mind.

Then the text comes through, he reads it and deletes it without letting her see it. Then he hides her phone in his studio, some place she wouldn't look.

'Wednsday. Apartment 216. Same time.'

Harry has a few options here, he could have let her read the text, then followed her. He could go to the apartment and check out who lives there. Or he could go for the knee jerk reaction – find the apartment and beat the hell out of the other guy.

Sane? Probably not. But more than anything Harry wants it to be a mistake, all in his mind. He loves her. He really does. And he isnt sure he can handle it if everything really is a lie.

He drives across town wishing that he wasn't 'that guy' the one who didn't just man up and ask his girlfriend what was wrong. No, he's the guy who'll deny everything and push it down until he can't hide from it anymore – he has to find out what's been going on, has to make himself believe it.

The apartment building is moderately nice, clean and modern with an entry phone and lots of chrome and exposed brick. It's in a nice enough neighborhood. Harry pulls up and buzzes the right apartment. A women's voice comes over the intercom taking him by surprise.

"Hello?"

Harry hasn't really thought this through, what does he say? Especially since he had expected a man to answer not a woman. Is she in a three way? He closes his eyes and swallows, playing for time as he works something out.

"Yeah...Hi, I guess I'm here to see you." He flinches at how lame that sounds. "I want to..."

The door buzzes open.

"It's alright. Come on up." The voice is pleasant, gentle. Almost as though she is trying to soothe him, which does not do wonders for Harry's mood. He's so confused. What the hell is he doing.

He mounts the stairs and reaches the apartment door as it opens. A small petite girl around 5'2 opens the door, a kind smile on her face. Harry takes her in, taken by surprise at how gentle she looks. She has long dark hair and bright blue eyes that look at him with amusement, a kind smile on her plump pink lips.

"So...you want to come in?" her voice is light, calm and nonchalant.

He can't judge himself against this stranger, can't quite work out if Camille is maybe bisexual or if it's all in his head.

"Yeah" he follows her slim, retreating back into the apartment. "You don't seem surprised that I'm here." Harry says, finally, as they reach the living room, there's a huge L shaped couch dominating the space and she gestures for him to sit.

"Should I be?" her manner is still easy, formal but not guarded, like she couldn't lie if she tried. Harry hates it, but then, maybe she has no idea that Camille is taken. Maybe she doesn't even know her name. She seems to catch Harry's assumption that she should be surprised and shrugs.

"I was expecting someone else...a mix-up on my part." She settles onto the couch easily, jean clad legs falling carelessly open, hands resting in her lap.

Neither of them speak.

"You seem nervous." She says eventually, smiling and leaning forwards, arms resting on her knees.

"I'm not...I'm not even sure why I'm here." It comes out gruffer than he intended, less confrontational, more hopeless. "so how can I be nervous?"

"Well you must know why you're here...what is it you want to ask me?" her head tilts, exposing the side of her neck, her pulse fluttering. Harry teeters on the edge, not wanting to ask – not wanting to know. Wishing he could go back home to his two bedroom house and listen to one of Camille's modeling stories, curled against her side in the warmth of their bed.

He can't, it would kill him to leave now.

He's about to speak when the girl's eyes narrow, lids lowering with shyness.

"Or...I'm sorry, usually I..." she looks up at Harry then, mouth twisting with self deprecating awkwardness. "I tend to negotiate...terms...upfront." Composure slips back into place.

Harry officially doesn't get her.

"You mean..." he has no idea how to finish that sentence, but fortunately the girl is now sitting next to him taking it as a prompt.

"Payment" she inclines her head delicately.

"For..."

Her blue eyes narrow as if she senses that they're not having the same conversation – finally. She leans back on the sofa, a politely confused look gracing her features.

"Who are you, exactly?" She asks, curiously.

"I'm...Camille's boyfriend." Harry says carefully. "I came here..." he breaks off and starts again with more strength in his voice. "Look, I know you've been texting my girlfriend, and, meeting her in hotels and today she was meant to come here." He gestures at the blue walls that surround them. "so I came here to find out..."

"Oh God." She seems genuinely horrified now, looking down at the floor and her own bare feet.

"...Find out that my girl's been having an affair." Harry feels like the all the air in the room is leaving and he can't breathe. "Did you know about me or did she never mention..."

"My clients don't tend to tell me much about themselves." She looks at him cautiously, sadness warring with anxiousness on her face.

"Clients." Harry repeats, dumbly. Because he was expecting the worst, and this was not it, the bottom falls out of his nightmare and he realises how much more he had to lose.

"I..." she looks suddenly frozen with realisation and what's worse...pity. "Mr..." she realises she doesn't know his name, falters and then proceeds anyway. "I'm sorry for what you're going through...my relationship with your, girlfriend...was a professional one, a transaction." She almost winces as she says, "I'm an escort."

Harry is motionless for about a minute and a half.

"You're a hooker." He finally says, flinching when he realizes how harsh the words came out.

"I prefer..." she stumbles, a light blush flushing her cheeks. "yes. Yes I am." She sighs. "I apologise....I thought..."

"You thought I was a 'client'" Harry can barely keep the shock out of his voice. Camille has paid this woman for sex. He feels empty, his head throbs with anger and pain and right now he just needs something, someone to hurt "Great, so my girlfriend buys sex from you...when I'm sitting at home or on the road." Harry can feel rage fogging his brain, making his temples ache with frustration.

"Look...I know this isn't the easiest situation...but this isn't really a conversation you need to have with me." Her voice is annoyingly firm and calm. But she does has a point, Harry has to admit, Camille paid her for whatever they did – it's not like she chose her or wanted her. It was just her job.

Another thought hits him – one he really wishes he hadn't had.

"What did she want you to do?"

Her face closes down.

"I don't think...I really don't think that would be productive."

"Screw productive!" Harry suddenly shouts, startling her and making her jump nervously. "I want...I need" his voice breaks, his breath too sharp for his chest. "I have to know."

"It won't help." She says softly.

"I know...but I need to..." Harry is stuck, he can't explain it, so he just looks to her, trying to communicate the misery he feels.

"I..." she swallows, looking down at her hands. "It was just...some advice on...uh...technique." a slight flush creeps up her neck.

"On?" his voice is strained.

"Oral sex." It's almost an apology. "There was no...she didn't participate, I told her a few...tricks....we never did anything. She just wanted advice."

And he can't...he just can't. There's nothing to think that won't hurt. That Camille paid some woman...a hooker to teach her tricks. For him? Or for someone else? He doesnt know anymore.

"How much?" he hears himself ask, numbly.

Her head shoots up, looking at him carefully.

"I don't think..."

"How. Much?" he grates out. He feels bad, so so bad, and right now he just wants to feel out of it, he can't even call it feeling good. He wants to feel...nothing.

"I don't think" the woman, the whore, continues doggedly. "that would help how your feeling."

" I know...but I want..." he can't articulate it, doesn't want to try. "You need the money or not?"

She blinks sadly, ducks his head, eyes firmly shut against her own opinions. "Fifty."

Harry huffs with humourless laughter, but takes out his wallet and deposits notes on the couch between them. She takes them and folds them slowly, slipping them into the pocket of her jeans.

There's a pause and Harry can feel his heart beating painfully, his body contracting with pain and despair.

"Blow me." He says. She dips her head in understanding and drops to the floor in front of him, kneeling on the carpet. Harry closes his eyes when he feels hands going to work on his fly. He doesn't want to see, or even feel. He already wants this over and done, something else to regret.

Warm breath hits his exposed skin, dick still soft, not that he expected otherwise. Her soft, plush lips move over him and he feels himself stirring at the contact. By the time she's sucking lightly at his head, he's almost fully hard, pushing reluctantly into the contact. Loose open mouthed kisses are pressed over his balls, harsh, excited breath rumpling the crisp hair. Harry lets out an involuntary mumble of appreciation.

The slow, exploratory touches become more of a constant pressure. The girl on her knees encircles Dean's shaft with one hand, sucking the tip and running her tongue over the slit and the thick vein that Harry knows all too well. With one quick movement she withdraws her hand and takes Harry in as far as possible, tongue swirling on the way down. Harry makes a strangled sound, heat and slick tightness and the pressing weight of the whore's tongue overloading him for a second. The girl bobs her head up and down, unsurprisingly moving like a pro. Harry recognises the technique as Camille's new approach.

It's almost the same sensation, a little more practiced but still similar enough to blur together with her in his mind. He's losing himself to bitterness, forgetting where he is and remembering Camille and what she's done.

And then she moans.

The rough, wrecked sound breaks Harry from his thoughts and he opens his eyes, looking down at the dark head still intently bobbing on his cock. She moans again on the down stroke and Harry can feel her tongue sweeping at hus head, tasting pre-come and coming back for more. He shifts from his place, thrown back on the couch, raising himself enough to look at the girl's face.

Her eyes are shut, squeezed closed not at the strain of the motion, as he finds Camille sometimes looks, but instead with guilty pleasure. Soft hands grip Harry's thighs, urging him up, closer. Another wordless, groan of pleasure wracks the throat of the girl kneeling before him. Her eyes flicker open a little, taking a second to focus on Harry's flushed, intent face. Blue eyes turn slightly worried for a second, as if she's suddenly remembered that this is one sided deal – that Harry is paying for a service and not doing her a massive favour by shoving his cock down her throat.

Harry lays a hand on her dark hair, soft and untidy, gently pushing her further down onto his erection, hips bucking up as he watches the whore's lips stretch around him. Her eyes flick closed as she goes back to sucking, cheeks hollowing and she moans around the weight of him, soft keening noises and greedy, thick moans that catch her throat.

Harry can't tear his eyes away.

'Fuck...fuck...yeah, god..." Harry crashes into his orgasm, body stiffening as she swallows him down, lapping at his cum.

She sucks Harry lazily, pulling off when he emits a soft noise at the stimulation of his sensitive dick. She presses her nose to the dark hair there instead, inhaling shakily and making a wretched sound in the back of her throat. Harry can only shake, body and mind still lost and only aware that someone is lavishing attention on him, tender and soft as he comes down.

"...uh..." the sound falls from her lips, body trembling as she presses his mouth to the skin beside the root of Harry's spent cock. Harry pets her hair, feeling the soft nudging of her head against his palm.

This is intimate, wrong on levels beyond levels. But Harry can't pull away. He's lost his girlfriend, his perfect, beautiful girl. And the only thing that's made him feel good in months is a whore who's sucked him down for fifty bucks.

And loved every second of it.

She pulls away after a while, sitting back on her heels and rubbing the back of her hand across her reddened mouth.

Harry straightens up, she refuses to look him in the eye.

"I take it I should...go." Harry hears himself say. She looks up, looking for the first time like she isn't sure, not just mildly confused but downright uncertain.

"...I...yes." she says. She gets up and goes to the door, laying her hands on it. "I'm sorry...about how this has gone..."

"Don't. It's not...it's really not your fault." Harry steps through the opened door, looking back at her and feeling awkward, somehow regretting what they've done, for the wrong reasons. "Thank you...for...it was good."

"Good" she says, smiling slightly, then, without meaning to. "what's your name?" She never usually asks things of her clients.

"Harry." Harry says, feeling the weight in his chest decrease a little. "Styles." He adds, because being just Harry would make him like any one of the John's this girl must see. He wants to be different, not just a client but the guy who came to find out about his girlfriend, who came for a reason other than sex.

"I'm Prudence" He realises this must sound like a fake name. "Usually I introduce myself as Marie, it's my middle name. But I'm Prudence Bulsara-Hutton."

Harry likes the fact that he gets this girl's real name. He likes her more than he should like someone who's been hooking up with his girlfriend and then blown him for a handful of bills.

"Hi Prudence."

"Hello Harry."

[retrovirge]

Camp Starlight (+ Contest!)

Hey y’all!

So, I had an idea for a contest!!! So basically, here’s how it goes:

Artists can draw any scene from this very story that they so desire, whatever image comes into their head for inspiration. You post it and tag it with #starlightdrabbledraw and leave a link to this post in your own (you dont have to, but it would be preferred!) and boom! You’re done! (I’m holding this on amino too so the winners will be selected from both platforms.)

I’m gonna make it so entries are due October 15th :3 you can totally enter after that, you just won’t be eligible for prizes :))

And uh I’m also gonna be giving out prizes! So here they are!

1st Place

Either: a longer short story (A story that’s anywhere from 2000-4000 words, maybe more), two short stories/extended art drabbles (at the most 1500 words) or four drabbles/art drabbles (under 1000 words) (keep in mind if you choose the longer story it will take me quite a while due to my own personal reasons.)

2nd Place

Either: A short story/extended art drabble (at the most 1500 words) or three drabbles/art drabbles (under 1000 words)

3rd Place

Two drabbles/art drabbles

4th Place

One drabble/art drabble

(Please keep in mind I can’t write all prompts because some give me a lot of writers block, so I may have to ask to change prompts with you if you win. Also, for art drabbles, I will need proper, linked credit to the artist so I can message them and ask if I can repost.)

So yeah, there you go! There will also be honourable mentions and stuff, but yeah! AnYways, onto the story! (Which you can totally just read on your own if you don’t feel like entering the contest ^w^)

⚠️Triggers⚠️

Remus’ innuendos, mentions of fire, mentions of bugs

Word Count - 3132

~

”Come on, kiddos! Let’s go camping, it’ll be fun!”

Those were the words that Patton had spoken a few nights ago. Roman had mixed feelings about it. Virgil was anxious. Logan was... Quite eager, actually, but didn’t show it. There was so much nature to study out there, he was very much excited. Janus didn’t seem to care, and Remus seemed to be marvelling at all the mischief he could cause while camping.

And that’s how they found themselves in the car a few days later. Roman and Patton loudly singing in the front seat, Remus occasionally butting in and changing the lyrics to ‘more fun ones’ (Patton did not like that very much), with the other three sides covering their ears in the backseat, passing around looks of mutual annoyance.

The car ride felt like forever, but they had eventually pulled up at the campsite. They parked the trailer, pitched the tent (cause there wasn’t enough room for everyone in the trailer), and set up anything else they needed to. And then they went off, deciding to check out the campsite. Patton decided to have everyone split up into groups of two, and allow them to rotate whenever they wanted. After making sure everyone was okay with that, off they went. Logan went with Janus, Roman went with Patton, and Virgil went with Remus.

So what were they all doing? Well, Janus and Logan decided to go through a walk in the forest. Logan was going a little nuts and jotting down notes for any unknown piece of nature he spotted, while Janus was simply admiring everything. Holding leaves in his hands, smelling flowers, stuff like that. He looked over at Logan, sighing as he watched him zip around. “Nerd, come here-“

Logan looked up, a look of confusion spreading over his face. He hopped up from where he was kneeled, walking over to Janus. He raised an eyebrow. “How may I assist you?”

Janus surprised him by simply sNatching his notebook. “Hey-! Janus, you can’t-“

”Shush, Logan. You /don’t work enough/, alright? Why don’t you just live in the moment with me for a bit?” The snake man asked, head tilting to the side as he cocked his eyebrow into a raise.

Logan opened his mouth to protest, then closed it again, letting out a sigh, realizing Janus would not let up if he refused. “...Fine.”

They walked on, Logan’s eyes flickering around curiously as Janus took his time to admire nature. Logan would occasionally glance over with pleading eyes for the notebook, but Jan just shook his head at him, giving a small smile when Logan sighed.

Eventually, they found some animals. Some bugs, some squirrels, even some birds. Logan found himself kneeled down, holding a White-spotted sawyer. Janus on the other hand, took out some bird seed and got a bird onto his hand. They were both silent, growing content with their current actions and habitat.

• • •

Meanwhile, Roman and Patton were off discovering the children’s playgrounds of the campsite. Roman found himself going between sliding down a slide and spinning on a... Spinny thing, while Patton was going between swinging on the swings and sliding down a pole. The pair ignored any weird looks they got from kids, along with other adults that happened to be around. They were just having fun, and they knew that.

Roman let out a loud laugh as he slid down the slide for the umpteenth time, looking to Patton with a grin. “We should go to parks more oFten, Padré! It’s so much fUN!”

Patton responded with a big smile as he swung as high as he could on the swing, a loud laugh escaping him. “I know!! Good golly miss molly, we really do.” He grinned, slowing down the swing a bit before hopping off with a laugh. “I wonder if there are any more parks down here??”

Roman let out a gasp, now on a spinning pole. “Patton, you’re a genius!” He hopped off of his pole, stumbling over to Patton due to being dizzy from the spinning. The moral side tilted his head, smiling at the prince. “We should look around more! I’m not sure how long we’ve been at the park, actually.” He laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck, then clapped his hands together. “Well, that’s okay! We can change that!” He smiled at the eager nod in agreement he received from Roman.

And then they were off. On an adventure to find another park. Wandering through the campground, skipping and admiring animals and flowers, singing random songs, all in all, just bois bein bois.

Soon, they stumbled upon another park, eyes widening at just how much bigger this one was. The last one had a small playground and some swings, but this one had two climbing areas with slides, one of those circular shaped things where you could hop on and spin it, and last but not least, a swingset for both babies/toddlers and anyone older than that. It made the last playground pale in comparison.

Patton and Roman were of course quick to get to work testing all the playground equipment, the two coming up with a number system to rate the ‘fun-ness’ level of each one. Because why the heck not?

Patton even discovered a cool looking bug, and Roman snapped a picture of it on his phone so they could ask Logan about it later. Patton found the bug kinda creepy, but Roman held it no problem, only letting out a high pitched scream when it flew away. Because let’s be honest, bugs can look kinda scary when they fly away, unless it’s a butterfly.

All in all, they were enjoying themselves, happily playing and discovering and laughing like a group of kids.

• • •

Then you got Virgil and Remus.

The pair had decided to go searching around for anything to do really, Virgil trying to keep Remus’ head out of subjects such as what he could possibly throw in the fire, or how easy it was to set everything aflame. He claimed it was for scientific reasons, but Virgil knew this wasn’t Logan he was with.

So he simply gave Remus a small jar with some dirt, telling him he could get some worms because a few of the sides had mentioned wanting to go fishing at some point. More specifically, Janus. Logan said he might join in, and Roman had said he wanted to watch to see what they would catch. (Janus did not look amused, knowing Roman would probably scare all the fish away.)

Virgil kept a close eye on Remus, wandering around himself. He couldn’t figure out for the life of him what to do, so he just went and bought some firewood. By the time he emerged from the store, Remus was there, jumping up and down and yelling about how he caught a twisty pink earth noodle.

After a bit of chatter, Virgil and Remus wandered back to the campsite, where Virgil tried to get a fire going. However, his fear got the best of him and he chickened out. (But luckily, Janus came back to get something and gladly lit the fire for him, before leaving.)

So now they were simply sat around the fire, roasting hot dogs for dinner. Well... Virgil was. Remus was just throwing them in the fire. After about three hot dogs being thrown in (Virgil telling him “stop it.” every single time-) Virgil looked up with a sigh. “Remus!” He hissed. “Quit throwin’ hot dogs in the fire! They weren’t very cheap and we’re gonna run out!”

Remus just let out a laugh, smirking at Virgil with a raised eyebrow. “Well, I guess if we run out, I’ll just have to use yours then~” He laughed at Virgil’s reaction, aka an obnoxious groan and facepalm. “Oh my g o d, shut up...” Remus just grinned at him. “M a k e m e.”

Virgil stared at him for a few seconds, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. He shook his head and looked down at his own cooking hot dog, twisting it in circles slowly. “You’re paying for the next batch if we run out.”

Slowly, the rest of the sides began to make their way back to camp, just in time for the sunset. Remus did in fact have to go buy more hot dogs, and soon the sun was setting, and they were all roasting and or eating hot dogs around the fire, laughing and talking.

Eventually the conversation got to sleeping arrangements. They brought three tents, so that meant two people per tent. After some decision making, they chose the same groups they went off in today. Logan and Janus, Roman and Patton, and Remus and Virgil.

They roasted marshmallows around the fire, most of the sides roasting golden marshmallows, unlike Remus, who completely burnt his marshmallow and ate the s’more in one bite.

After dinner and s’mores, the sun had completely set, and they chose to go on a walk down to the dock that was by the lake. At first, Logan hadn’t wanted to go, but soon after, he was proven very wrong, and he knew damn well he was extremely glad that he was dragged on the walk.

The reason? Upon arriving at the dock, Logan took one look up and any negative thoughts, emotions, and words all just faded away.

Stars.

Hundreds of beautiful stars freckled across the night sky, the light of the moon reflecting in the ocean. He swore he could almost see galaxies among the bright lights, his eyes widening as a shooting star bolted across the sky.

It was truly beautiful.

Logan could sit out all night and admire every star individually, and he knew even then he wouldn’t be able to take in the full beauty of all the stars visible to him, even by morning.

Sitting down at the end of the dock, Logan let his eyes flicker among the stars. He tried to take in the beauty. Take in the light. Truly enjoy the stars. And he was. Well, until...

”Hey- guys?”

Everyone perked their heads up to look at Virgil, who had spoken. He had his eyebrows furrowed and he was looking around. “I... Don’t mean to be a party pooper, but... Could we go back-? It’s... Kinda spooky out here.”

Roman let out a loud groan, making a dramatic noise. “Come o n ! We ju st got here! Look at the stars!” He threw his arms out, flopping down next to Logan. “Look at the beauty our universe holds! Look at mE, for crying out loud!” He pointed at himself, making Logan facepalm.

Virgil sighed. “...Okay. I can just go back myself, then.” He mumbled, crossing his arms and turning to leave, only for Patton to stop him. “Ah, ah ah! You aren’t leaving on your own, us 6 have to stick together! So we’re all going back right now!” He said, making Roman huff. “But- but Patton! We’re adults!! We can stay out here alone!”

“Yes, and I’m well aware of that. But I don’t want you guys to stay out here alone! Something could happen!” He said, making the other groan. “Come on, we’re going.” He began to walk back with Virgil.

Logan had a visible frown on his face as he got up, making Roman tilt his head and go over to him, letting Jan and Remus walk ahead of them. “You good, nerd?”

Logan sighed. “Satisfactory, yes.” He said as they began to slowly walk. Roman frowned. “You’re a bad liar. You can talk to me, y’know?” He said quietly, starting to look around.

Logan was silent, and Roman didn’t push it. He didn’t want to make Logan mad at him, so he simply left it. Until Logan did speak. “...I am simply... Unhappy about leaving the dock. The stars were quite remarkable to look at, and... I’m unsure if they’ll resemble this exact, beautiful state again.” He said quietly, frowning and letting his head bow, quietly watching his feet move forward and drag back with every step he took.

Roman frowned a little, letting out a sigh. “...I see. I’m sorry, Logan.” He said quietly, pushing his hands into his pockets. “That’s quite an understandable reason to be upset, if it makes you feel any better.” He pointed out, making Logan sigh and nod. “Thank you, Roman.” He cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. “...Well, we are almost back at camp. I suggest we put out the fire and make use of our tents for the night.” He said, receiving a nod in response from Roman.

After arriving back to camp and talking a little more, they did just that. They put out the campfire, confirmed sleeping arrangements a final time, got ready for bed, then ducked into their tents. Everyone fell asleep quite quickly, except for Remus, who kept getting mumbles from an annoyed Virgil saying, “Go to hell to sleep.”

Oh, and Logan. He was laid out in his tent, his glasses next to his sleeping bag as he lay curled up, shivering from the cold and sighing. He could hear Janus’ soft breathing from the sleeping bag next to his, and part of him wanted to wake him up so the nerd wouldn’t be confined to his lonesome, but he wasn’t going to take sleep from Janus for his own comfort.

He eventually did lure off to sleep, soft snores escaping him as he lay curled up in the beanbag, his mind slipping into a dreamless, yet relaxing state.

It was a long night, yet peaceful.

• • •

”Logan- Logan! C’mon, wake up-!”

”Mmh...?”

Logan stirred in his sleeping bag, eyes slowly opening as his head turned to face wherever the whisper-shouting voice was coming from. His eyes fluttered open, and he let out a small gasp as Roman was suddenly there. The prince pressed his fingers to his lips and shushed Logan, whispering to him. “Shh... C’mon.” He carefully left the tent, and Logan was just confused at this point.

He glanced around tiredly, grabbing his glasses and putting them on after rubbing his eyes, turning to look at Janus’ sleeping bag. He was still there. Still fast asleep, unphased by Roman’s sudden appearance.

Logan opened his mouth and then closed it, letting out a sigh. He carefully crawled out of the tent, frowning confusedly when he noticed it was still dark. ...What was Roman planning?

Getting up, he quietly zipped up the tent, then made his way over to Roman. “...What are you doing?” He whispered, a confused frown on his face.

Roman just grinned at him, taking his hand. “You’ll see.” He whispered, taking him out of the camp area containing the tents- where everyone was still sleeping, Logan assumed- turned left, and began to walk.

Logan asked questions all the way to their destination, until they eventually began to near it, and it clicked in Logan’s mind.

They were going to the dock.

”Roman, why...” Logan’s face was full of confusion as he turned his head to look at the prince-like side, who just smiled at Logan. “You said you wanted to see the stars for longer, did you not?” His voice came out in a soft, gentle tone as he guided Logan onto the dock, stopping near the endHe smiled at the nerd, carefully going down and laying on the dock, ignoring the wetness of the wood below him. He gazed at the sky for a few moments, then looked to Logan again. “...Well, are you going to watch the stars with me, or not?” He said, to which Logan shook his head as if he was snapping out of something, then carefully nodded, slowly laying down next to Roman.

They were quiet as they silently laid there, gaze flickering among the pretty stars that rested above their heads, just enjoying the stars and each other’s company.

”Mmm... Logan?”

”Yes, Roman?”

”...Do you know a lot about astrology?”

”...I’d say so, yes.”

”Can... Can you teach me a bit?”

”Why... Certainly, Roman.”

And so Logan began to talk quietly, falling into a ramble. About constellations, about the solar system, things like that. Roman stopped watching the stars, turning to gaze at Logan with fond eyes. He could listen to him talk for hours. Although Logan’s voice may have seemed monotone and lacking most emotion, Roman liked it. Adored it, even. He wasn’t sure why, but Logan’s voice was just beautiful to him. God, Logan was just...

Roman wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing, but it happened before he could stop it. Next thing he knew, he was moving closer and closer, until eventually...

His head moved up, and his lips were on Logan’s.

Logan was shocked by it at first, his eyes wide. Roman realized what he was doing and pulled away, letting out a gasp. “Oh- jesus, um- I’m sorry, I didn’t m-mean to do that-“ He started to get up. “I-I can just-“

Logan pulled him back down before he could go, pressing their lips together once again. Roman let out a gasp, freezing for a moment before slowly melting into the feeling, closing his eyes and returning the kiss. “...Hm.”

They stayed like that for god knows how long, just smoochin’ under the stars. They both felt calm, and quite good.

Eventually, they pulled away for air, both panting as they stared at each other. Roman was the one to break the silence. “...W-Wow.” Logan blinked, nodding in agreement. “...Y-Yeah. Wow.”

Roman gazed at him for a few more minutes, eyes slightly wide. He eventually took a small breath and let out a little laugh, Logan responding with a flustered smile. The creative side carefully laid down next to Logan, and they stayed quiet. They could talk about the kiss later, but for now they just wanted to enjoy the stars, and enjoy each other.

Eventually, they fell asleep under the night sky with a small smile occasionally coming up on both of their faces, fingers intertwined which eventually led to the two scooting closer to one another.

You can imagine the fun that pursued when Patton woke up and was unable to find Logan or Roman anywhere.

~

apologies if this seems rushed ^^;

[lovelycevans]

bucky barnes - 1930s

y/n/n = your nickname

fem! reader

swearing, blood, and guns

2175 words

=====

1936

age 16

waiting for your twin brother steve to come home all battered up with cuts and bruises late at night wasn't a surprise.

when he wasn't home for dinner that was when you'd sit by the fire and wait for him.

you were always the one to fix him up after getting beat up.

today you thought was no different, after dinner, you sat down in front of the fire, knitting a scarf for steve since he had a knack for getting himself sick when you heard the familiar sound of footsteps on the front balcony, you had simply gotten up and went to grab the medical kit.

walking into the salon and seeing your brother with his best friend half-conscious, may I add, was a little bit of a shocker to you.

"oh finally" steve heaved, james had a hand across his back and was, like I said only half-conscious, but he looked up at you and flashed a smile, blood pooling in his mouth.

"what happened?" you had said rushing over to the two boys, grabbing james by the arms and forcing him into the bathroom.

"steve bring a chair here will you?" you said pushing james onto the counter, he's much too tall for you to reach his face, even while sitting down.

a moment later steve appeared in the doorway with a dining room chair in his arms, his face almost turning purple, with the heavy chair.

"now steve will you tell me what happened?" you asked once again while examining james's face before pushing him into the chair.

"he got into a fight, three against one may I add, held his weight for a while but eventually started getting a bit sloppy" steve stated standing in the doorway, leaning on the doorframe.

you had started cleaning the blood of his face, lips pursed.

he wouldn't take his eyes off of your face while you were cleaning his face.

"this might sting," you said lightly putting a pad with some special cleaner made so cuts won't get infected. he hissed when it came in contact with the cuts on his face, flinching away.

you had just placed your hands on your hips.

"do you want help?" you asked with a sharp tone.

"fine, fine doll, just get it over with," james said coming back to his original spot, behind him, steve had raised his eyebrows, looking at his best friend and sister, james made eye contact with him.

he had just rolled his eyes.

"shut up steve" james called at steve. you had furrowed your eyebrows and had grabbed james's jaw.

"don't move" you had ordered, putting bandages on the cuts, once again james's eyes were locked on your face.

"hey y/n is there any leftovers?" steve asked.

"yeah, there should be enough for the both of you, today we had potatoes, peas and chicken by the way" you answered staring attentively at a cut on james's lip.

around 25 minutes later you were finished. you washed your hands and James just sat there staring at you.

"will you be staying the night james?" you asked.

"I told you doll, call me bucky," he said standing up, coming over to the sink. "and yes, if that's ok with you"

you had just rolled your eyes, drying your hands at his nickname.

"it's fine with me but you should ask steve, and where did 'bucky' come from james?" you questioned walking out of the bathroom, he trailed after you like a lost puppy slouching.

"James 'buch'anan barnes, y/n/n, buch goes to bucky," he said with a slight smirk, he knew you hated that nickname.

he had followed you to the kitchen, where steve was eating some dinner at the counter, turning in his chair as you entered the kitchen, james went to sit beside steve while you finished doing the dishes.

a couple of minutes later you have finished the dishes and the two boys were finished their dinner.

"now if you'll excuse me, im going to bed, you should too, we have school tomorrow." you stated drying your hands with a washcloth.

james's eyes followed you out of the room after you left, steve had started chuckling.

james's eyes looked steve up and down, "what's up with you?"

"doll? really?" steve said still laughing, "you are so smitten with my sister" he said with a smile etched across his face.

"w-what! never!" james defended

"mate, chill, i know for a fact she likes you," steve said standing up collecting their plates and putting them beside the washer.

"she does?!" james asked eagerly.

"well... im pretty sure she does" steve added.

"come on mate, dont get me winded up like that" james grumbled.

the next day at school

i don't know how school was back then, so i am going with highschool

today you felt like dressing up so you put on your favourite dress, it was a nice dusty rose with flowers on it, you had adored it.

walking in the halls was a fun experience, people stared, as per usual, james was kinda a social icon while you and steve were not.

james had waved several times to other people, you had turned to go to your locker, where your friend, susan banks was waiting for you.

you hadn't even noticed james and steve following you.

susan's eyes widened at james walking with you, she knew he was friends with your brother but didn't know that the two fo you were friends.

james also still had cuts on his face.

"heyyyy doll?" james groaned making his way over to your locker, "what's your first class?"

"biology" you simply stated.

steve piped up before james could answer "I have math"

susan responded "oh same! we should walk together!" at the offering steve blushed, while walking towards the math room.

"you're stuck with me doll, I have biology too" james said slinging his arm over your shoulder

people stared more than ever, you tried to keep your head down but james held his head high, smiling like a maniac.

in-class james sat right beside you at the double desk you have for biology

"may I say y/n/n you look absolutely ravishing today" james stated resting his head on his hand staring at you, your cheek flushed a light pink at his remark, still staring at the board you answered.

"gee thanks james, wish I could say the same for you" you said with a hint of sarcasm.

he puta hand to his heart.

"ouch, y/n, and please, call me bucky" he offered as class was starting.

throughout the class, james would keep his eyes off of you, people noticed that the one and only, bucky barnes was staring at y/n rogers, his best friends sister.

when the bell rang you slipped past james and made a beeline for English class, which you shared with steve.

you had almost crashed right into steve while he was turning a corner looking for you so you two could walk to class together.

"oh my goodness steve! i am so sorry!" you said steadying  his shoulders.

"I'm good, I'm good!" he piped up,

you both started walking towards English class.

"soooo how was biology with bucky?" steve asked with a suggestive tone.

"it was fine, bit of a starer but other than that, it was fine"

steve raised his eyebrows

"he was staring at you?"

"yep"

steve suppressed a smile.

"not surprised. he has the biggest crush on you" steve said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"what!" you said stopping from walking, cheek a furious red, "he does not!"

once again steve just raised his eyebrows and kept on walking.

lunch

lunch was a fun time, you sat with susan and steve, who passed flirty remarks back and forth, so your eyes just wandered over the lunchroom and they landed on Annabelle Rusnak, a pretty, rich blonde girl flirting with james.

it looked as though he was flirting back, your heart sank, you should've never gotten your hopes up.

you stared at the scene, you were pretty good at reading lips so you could see james calling her doll.

to be honest you kinda liked the nickname, it was sweet, but now it had lost its meaning.

you had adverted your eyes when he looked your way, staring right in front of you, pretending to zone out.

"hellloooo?? earth to y/n?" susan said waving her hand over your face.

"yes?" you answered slowly reconnecting back into the world.

"are you ok? you were zoning out?" susan asked with a concerned look on her face.

"oh yeah I'm fine" she didn't look convinced, but kept on eating.

when the bell rang for everyone to get ready to go back to class, once again you had stood straight up and made a beeline for your locker.

"hey doll" a firmilar voice rang in your ear.

"will you stop calling me that?" you asked with a sharp tone, not missing a beat.

he looked taken aback.

"o-oh okay" he stuttered.

he stood beside your locker before saying, "I should go"

after school

you were sitting on your bed doing homework when you heard two familiar voices in the room beside yours, you knew eavesdropping was impolite and rude, but you didn't care, you put your ear to the wall and listened.

"I think I really like her" you thought was james

"who?" steve asked, "you have girls left and right waiting for you, which one?" he asked with a chuckle

"Annabelle of course!"

your heart fell again, tears started to well up in your eyes. you needed some air.

you left your room, grabbing your coat and decided to go for a walk to the library.

"mom! dad! I'm going to the library!" you yelled closing the front door.

at the library you someone you didn't expect to see, Zachary Fluterson.

you had always thought he was cute, he was pretty popular, but also very sweet, he loved to read which you admired.

upon your entry he looked up, his cheeks flushed a red colour then he immediately looked back at his book.

you walked towards the human anatomy section, you had always liked to read about the human body, and its mysteries, you wanted to be a doctor.

you had settled down on a couch near where Zachary sat at a table, a couple of minutes later he came over to you.

"um h-hi," he said with his hand behind his back standing in front of you.

"hi" you replied back

"I'm Zach"

"I know, we go to school together, you're in my math class"

"oh yeah, uh, I was wondering if, um, maybe you wanted to maybe, go to a film together?" he said head down, fidgeting with his fingers.

you slightly raised your eyebrows, when he saw that you did that he started talking again.

"oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I just always thought you were pretty! I'm so sorry" he said walking away.

"no wait!" you said standing up and grabbing his arm. "i would love to go to a film with you"

"really?"

"yeah! you're pretty too" you added with a smile.

he smiled back.

"um, its pretty late and dark, mind if i walk you home?" he asked

"i would like that"

on the walk home you talked about anything and everything, it was nice, when you and him made it to the doorstep, you both stopped.

"thanks for walking me home"

"no problem"

"can we talk about the details for the movie tomorrow?"

"sure"

you smiled and walked inside, closing the door, then leaning on it, sighing.

"where were you?" steve questioned sitting on the couch with james

"at the library"

"who was that?" james asked

"nobody"

"pretty sure that was somebody" steve chimed

"fine, it was Zachary Fluterson"

steve started laughing, you scowled and started walking towards your bedroom, taking off your coat, steve got up and jogged over to you, james following him.

"what were you doing with Zachary?" james asked quietly

"well he asked me to a film, then walked me home" you said walking into your room then closing the door

steve looked to james who had his eyebrows furrowed, they then walked back into the salon.

"james, are you staying for dinner?" Mrs.Rogers asked James.

"oh no mrs.rogers I should get going now"

"bye bucky" steve said walking him out.

on james's walk home he realized something.

he was in love with you.

2024

Age 40

bucky woke up in a cold sweat recounting the events that occurred 80 years ago, little did he know y/n rogers was alive.

when steve woke up he did a search to see if his twin sister was alive, he found out that a couple of years after he went into the ice she went missing and her body was found a couple of months later.

fuck hydra

nobody knew that she was in training to be a new winter solider.

wattpad: AnnabethJacksonplz

[dndfuckhouse]

Session 19 - your majesty, i present to you the vengaboys

> 🎵  Pianissimo Epilogue / Silent Hill 2 OST

Returning to our tale, the group have all found respite in Vorde’s temporary abode in Shorewater, resting up and recovering from the night's events. Soon morning comes, though with the curtains shut as they are, it's a bit hard to tell that it's now daylight outside as they all slowly come too.

Peering about the group dont spot Vorde about, supposing he’s still in his room. Feeling a hankering for breakfast, Keva and Psalm wander over to the small dining table in the room and the fruit still piled upon it, chowing down. Psalm continues looking at the tome they stole yesterday as he does, continuing to copy runes and scan for any more information as he does.

Keva: keva is cuttin up an apple into slices with a small knife, giving some to amos and setting some aside and occasionally eating a slice Psalm: i'm just cooling at this breakfast table

Rokka begins his morning stretches, Finn sees this and decides to join him as well, Han watches and secretly does her own stretches, trying to not seem as if she wants to join in.

Plum: WHY Han: issues ! Plum: LMFAO Rokka: did our near death experience not bring us closer

In the meantime Plum and Cimmorro prepare their spells for the day, either via quick study or short prayer. Seemingly done with her stretches, Han comes over and joins the two at the dining table to eat (she hoards some of the food after everyone's had some). As the group go about their activities Orin eventually ambles out of him and Finn’s room somewhat drowsy, he takes a seat at the table next to psalm and takes a bite of an apple.

Psalm: good morning orin Rokka: i am crushing an apple in my mouth whole Orin: "mornin'" he looks like hes about to continue but rokka eating an apple whole makes him go : 0 though he quickly sneaks one of Keva’s slices after. Keva: an apple a day keeps the Chip: cult away Psalm: CLEARLY IT DONT

Han heads over to the window to the balcony briefly and opens the curtain ever so slightly to peer outside, looking down she sees the fenced garden of the building, a few birds flitting about in the branches of trees. Craning her head to try and look at the street she doesn't see anybody around. Out of the corner of his eye Finn sees Han move the curtain slightly and quickly becomes on edge before realising all is fine.

Finn: 

Han: LKSAD;LKHFLKHAWEFDS Finn: grimaces @ han opening the curtain and moves slightly. Chip: like a cat Finn: yes! Chip: fur raised Finn: KHJSHEJEHLJ

After a time the group hear some shuffling from the door Vorde disappeared behind last night, it slowly creaks open revealing his form. He walks out and looks about the group of them idling about and rubs his eyes turning and walking to the dining table to also grab an AppleTM, he doesn't sit down though

Han: i am 100% imagining this strained awkward silence Psalm: is he gonna crush it in his bare hands, BAROK VON VORDE... Finn:😳 Han: chip what did we watch dgs FOR Chip: NO

Finn: "morning uncle" finn stares kinda wondering why hes not sitting down but thats not gonna ruin his day Vorde: "morning finnian, i hope waking during daylight hours isnt too much for you" his eyes look sleepy as he speaks Orin: orin swallows his apple and speaks up "take a seat boss!" Vorde: he shakes his head in response "need to stand for a while for the blood to return to my legs" Finn: finn cant help but smile at that and responds "mm not exactly pleasant but i can manage. did you stay up?"

As the two chat Keva takes the moment to go take a quick morning bath, bringing Amos into the bathroom with her to give him a clean as well. Orin watches her take the rat into the bathroom with a face of confusion.

Vorde: "good to know" he pauses "hmm yes, I’ve been working through the night on how to present our case to the royalty, im going to be needing you all to speak as well once were before the court, merely on the things that prove you weren't responsible for the assassinations. We've the evidence to back up our claims so im not too worried. Of course if the royalty calls upon you you're each to respond in kind as well.” Finn: source: trust me Han: han hmms

Vorde seems to stretch slightly after finishing his apple and finally takes a seat at the dining table with the others, crossing his legs as he sits. 

Vorde: “My plan is thus; gain entry to the palace and an audience with the royalty, once there reveal the truth that the Red Letterhead’s machinations are the true cause for all this strife and go from there, i intend to warn them that Theyord’s apparent plans are about to be put into motion soon as well” he glances back over at his room “i will be presenting and handing over the items we have procured this far, including the tome" he glances at you psalm "hopefully it will be proof positive enough, should the archmage be around she won't find ive anything to hide on the matter”

He takes a quick sigh and rubs one of his eyes “I'm not sure what the royals will decide after that, I imagine they will put further efforts in place regarding the protection of the city and its walls, they should in anycase. If we are free to walk after we can investigate madam Shelly Carter’s lead after, perhaps we may request aid for the task as well, though I'm sure they will be hard pressed to spare much after such a threat to the city has been revealed. They’ll want all hands on deck”

Finn: finn nods and just thinks "man my uncle is so smart and cool. what a solid plan." Cimmorro: 🤨 Plum:

Han: a lot seems to be hinging on the royals kind nature Vorde: true, they arent benevolent but i dont think they're idiots either. It would be hard to ignore the items we've gathered. As well as the presence of a time limit Han: .... not that we have a better plan, but were i in that position, i just throw us in jail, less loose ends Psalm: Here's to hoping they don't just jump to conclusions hm? ^_^ Han: "what might we think to do then" said at the group kinda Plum: dunno, never busted outta jail before

The group decide that if worse comes to worse they’d prefer to try and figure out a plan to jailbreak themselves rather than resist the guardsmen and die trying. They also bring up the fact that they still currently think the mayor and Vinny are still compromised or under Theyord’s influence, and to keep it in mind. Keva leaves the bath around soon after and rejoins the group discussion.

Vorde: he continues, blinking slowly “hmm yes i forgot to specify, we are going ahead with the prisoners plan. However it won't be good for me to parade you all through the street even if you are ‘restrained’, it would be best if we could appear right before the guardsmen at the palace so the closest place for them to lock you up if they decide too is within the palace itself. I should state if they do haul you away, I advise you not to resist, with the city on guard as it is it will be nigh impossible for you to escape anywhere. If I do my job right you will be out within half an hour I suspect and brought to the court if you are carted off, that is what I plan anyway.” he pauses "ill do my best to stick with you however" Han: HAN BREATHES A LONG BREATHE X2 Psalm: “Appreciated. Always good to have friends in higher places for this kind of thing, rather than muscle your way out of it “ @ han Han: neither of those things seem to go well for me Psalm: he just shrugs

Vorde: he unclasps his hands and continues speaking "speaking of, are any of carrying any rope on your person" Han: shibari time huh Cimmorro: bondage ti Keva: keva asks "what for" Vorde: aforementioned restraints

Cimmorro: "yall don't have rope in this house??" 🤨 Vorde: 🤨 vorde like no bro Cimmorro: damn ok sorry Chip: [cimm leaves the room] Cimmorro: KGJFLSDKJGKLSFG

Rokka hands Vorde a few lengths of rope from his pack to tie the group up with in their fake prisoners ploy, satisfied Vorde then tucks it away for later. He then brings up another concern he seems to have on his mind.

Vorde: he turns to you Finn with his brows furrowed “I am not sure...if I ought to bring you along Finnian. It is best we act swiftly which does mean leaving during daylight. You could stay here, though perhaps i ought to leave Orin with you. Best if you weren't alone after what happened a week back.” Finn: finn also furrows his brows and ponders his uncles words for a moment. "is it only because of the daylight uncle?" Vorde: he thinks for a moment "i suppose so"

Finn asks Orin to then go check and see how harsh the sunlight out today seems, he obliges, getting up to carefully sneak his way past the curtain as the group continue discussing the matter.

Han: han glances btwn vorde n finn quizzically "what happened a week ago" Finn: i exchange looks with vorde as to telepathically ask whos gonna answer her. Vorde: he looks at you finn and sighs before turning back to you han, tapping the table with one finger "when we first arrived in Shorewater and began poking around we were sent an uninvited visitor" Han: who Vorde: an assassin Han: han rolls her eyes "yes i got that but. any identifying features" Vorde: i found a letterheads token on him, though he was dressed as a guardsman. No ring so i assume he killed someone and stole their clothes to find passage to our room. Nothing else stood out about him. Han: han hmms thoughtfully Chip: geralt hmmm Han: yea, the energy im channelling today

Han: he didnt return and they didnt send anyone else to finish the job. cocky Vorde: [a nod] Psalm: or maybe with their ceremony on the horizon they decided they needed everyone focused on the same goal? Han: which is, in a word, cocky Psalm: sure if you want to put it that way

Han: "wait what did you do with the body" @ vorde Vorde: dumped in the sewers Han: han goes HHHRMMNH fwustwated

Orin returns and informs Finn and the gang that it appears to be cloudy out today, they should be good if Finn covers up with heavy cloaks. Finn thanks him and tells his uncle it should be alright for him to come with them, though he wouldn't mind staying back if that is what he preferred.

Vorde: vorde like hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 

Psalm: “wouldn't it be safer to stick with a group in that case?” with his nephew there maybe he'll try harder to make things not go badly for us! 🙂 Plum: i also think it'd be kinda bad to be here alone, not like they didn't see us all runnin around Vorde: "i suppose it is better to stick together in this case" he looks at you finn "try not to horse around too much in the daylight" vorde worried parent mode engaged Finn: finn gives a big smile "got it!". >finn feels cared for friendship meter goes up Vorde: hmm, it would be more convincing in any case if i wasnt the only one bringing a group of fugitives to the palace. Finnian and Orin could make also have hold of the restraints.

Finn now assured that he is coming along, heads off into his room to quickly bulk up for the outside journey. Donning three three cloaks, the heaviest on top, thick black gloves and boots, a big sunhat and a scarf to protect his neck, he waddles back out into the main room where the party is situated.

Keva: keva's mouth seems to wiggle as she tries not to laugh Vorde: as you wander out and present yourself, vorde walks up to you and inspects your ensemble, after a moment he adjusts your scarf so it covers you mouth more and hmm's satisfied Orin: orin shouts a "looking good!" from across the room and snorts at keva Keva: keva shoots orin a look back like "what" and her smile breaks thru a little more before she fixes her face Plum: plum gives you a thumbs up Finn: "thanks uncle!!" finn beams @ vorde and looks at plum and orin and also shoots them a grateful smile

Vorde stretches again slightly, seemingly finally more awake then before, he informs the party to ready themselves to set off. They’ll get as close as they can to the palace before putting on the restrained charade, informing them they need to only disguise themselves well enough for a 5 minute walk through some alleys. Heading back into his room he begins preparing the evidence within his satchel and making himself presentable, the party following suit in trying to look conspicuous.

Keva: keva ties up her wet hair and pulls her hood and face mask up Han: han braids her hair and throws up cape too Psalm: (uses disguise kit) for good measure i just pull my hood up too Cimmorro: i'll just take off all the flashy jewellery and keep the hood up if that suffices Rokka: DISGUISE RING...

Rokka uses the disguise ring stolen from the letterheads to once again turn himself into a different human form, Chris Rokksworth, pop sensation. Plum asks the group if they oughta down the red potion they found earlier to change their hair colour.

Plum: can i just drink that weird potion and call it a day Han: angery ronand mcdoland Keva: 

Psalm: i don't see why not, i'm hard pressed to think of a better time to use it Han: han shrugs in a ye sure way Plum: [looking very excited] "ok yeah sure" i chug that shit

you pop open the red bulbous vial and drink the airy liquid. slowly youre hair turns red, additionally your tongue does as well. 

Rokka: cool hair plum Finn: i give a thumbs up back at plum for earlier.

Vorde walks out of the room once more, he almost seems surprised seeing Rokka as a person but doesn't comment, he also doesn't say anything about plums hair. Satisfied with the disguises he heads for the balcony window, informing them its better if theyre not all seen exiting the front. He slides open the curtains and clicks open the doors, peering out for witnesses before he motions for the group to all follow him as he hops down. Orin adjusts his cloak and follows quickly after.

Rokka: vorde am i hot, am i hot to u vorde

> 🎵  Aequilibrium. Medieval Tune. Hurdy-Gurdy With Organ / Andrey Vinogradov

The group quickly follow after the two sliding down the side of the building, though psalm seems to hitch his hooves on some stonework, nearly chipping them oww....his pedicure. The rest make it down quick enough and follow as Vorde begins leading the way through the shadowed alleys, as stealthily as they can to avoid detection from the increased patrols. Vorde keeping the lead and lookout helps the group manage to get by without sticking out too much.

Finally they all slowly come to a stop at an alley corner, as they come close they steal a glance at the palace, it looks as regal in the daylight as it did on the night the group all first stood before it, its peaks reaching high into the sky. The large light blue and white extravagant building dwarfs their forms, though it no longer has the inviting warm glow and festive aura as it did before. Guards stand alert and in a large number around the streets and on top of the walls, the main gates firmly shut with two royal guardsmen stationed in front of it at the top of the stairs leading up to it. Vorde quickly calls the group to attention.

Vorde: “follow my lead and don't put up too much of a fight, be sure to make sour enough faces to be convincing however, at least until you’re called before the court” he pulls the rope out of his satchel Keva: keva's face sours upon seeing the ropes come out no problem Han: hans been sour this whole time no worries bruv, i also keep a look out, like hans basically constantly alert and trying take in every little thing Psalm: psalm just stoic face as per usual, elevator music Rokka: im a celebrity im good at this, jk rokka is nervous af Plum: i always look kinda sour anyways Cimmorro: 😳 cimm like this Chip: cimm a freak like dat Psalm: LOOOL Cimmorro: oh no you caught mee, what ever shall i do, arrest this Plum: shut up shut up Han: cimm 😳 damn u pulling out ropes on the first date?

Vorde moves to hand some of the rope to Orin and they get to tying the six of the groups hands up, not too tightly but convincingly enough. He hands the rope holding Keva and Psalm off to Orin, and Han and Rokka to Finn, holding Plum and Cimmorro’s in his own. 

Vorde: "right then, plays about to begin, stay calm and follow my lead" he gives orin and finn both a nod Han: han nudges rokka to get his attention Rokka: tilts head at han ? Han: han points to vorde and makes a stupid face while pretending to talk seriously Rokka: rokka tries to stifle his laughs Finn: finn peeks out from under his scarf and squints Han: han stops immediately if she sees finn looking Rokka: rokka making snorting sounds from failing to not laugh Finn: I WAS GONNA WRITE THAT FINN HAS A SOMEWHAT APOLOGETIC LOOK BUT THEN YOU SENT THAT POKI Han: han is the picture of innocence Finn: finns rolls his eyes and turns his attention elsewhere

Psalm: well this works out pretty nicely doesn't it, since i've been kind of curious about you. Orin: he just raises a brow Keva: keva looks at psalm Psalm: he just smiles Ghester: [plays laughtrack.mp3 in ur head] Psalm: well i'm not the most learned person out there, but i was a bit curious how you came to start working for vorde is all Keva: you ask a lot of questions for someone who doesn't answer them Psalm: i think you're misunderstanding, i'm not asking anything. if i had an answer there'd be nothing to be curious about. Keva: keva makes a face like you're just saying words at her psalm Psalm: psalm just sighs Orin: “i dont mind telling you, its nothing special. Maybe after we get through court though" he looks back at you keva "no need to be so cagey about it really" Psalm: i highly doubt that it's nothing special. and i don't think there's been a time where she hasn't been cagey around me i think. Keva: oh don't go thinking you're special Psalm: oh i'm not? now i'm even more hurt  

Cimmorro: "so how are we feelin today" cimm attempts to nudge plum gently but ends up hitting their head with his elbow accidentally,  oh shit sorry your wig Plum: [GROANS REALLY LOUDLY] Cimmorro: well at least we're able to play the sour part of this play eh, all according to keikaku [editors note: keikaku means plan] Plum: always, not hard with this group Cimmorro: agreed. hey at least we're having the thrill of our lives eh? who knew we'd have a one way trip to life sentence. free! Plum: i honestly.... Cannot tell if you're joking Cimmorro: 

Plum: [plum laughs] Vorde: while looking for a chance to head out of the alley he listens to the two of you like : | Cimmorro: vorde not being paid enough by the hour to baby sit cimm

Rokka: dont make me laugh im trying to be nervous Han: "whats there to be nervous about, really" han has a weak smile lmao Rokka: life sentence Han: "just gotta break out then" nudges rokka again Rokka: "ur right. ur so smart han" rokka visibly relaxes as he talks to han more aha Han: han laughs quietly "wish i had someone nice like you for a sibling instead of shitheads" Rokka: no stopping that now Han: after han finally Gets it, shes trying not to look like [crying emoji] then looks away kinda shy? "...they arent. complete shitheads......... i think you would get along nicely with'em" Finn: finn eavesdropping @ han, inch resting Rokka: I'd love to meet them one day if we make it out of this Han: "we will. i have to knock the life out of one of them" han smiles Rokka: how many siblings do you have Han: han loses her smile a touch and hesitates a sec b4 answering "...two now." Rokka: now..? Vorde: out of the corner of your eye you all see vorde come to attention and speak "its as empty as it'll be, nows the time to get as far as we can. were on" he shoots you all a glance. Rokka: rokka shoots a quick concerned glance at han before facing forward again

Vorde pulls the two behind him ahead on the ropes and marches proudly into the street, walking at a speedy pace followed by Orin and Finn, the group gets as far up the stairway to the main gates as possible before the entourage is spotted by the various nearby royal guardsman.

Immediately they hear a few shouts ahead of them as the two royal guards by the door call out to Vorde to halt, looking the group also notice the guards on the walls train arrows on their forms. Behind, nearby guards quickly run up to flank the group, surrounding them.

Keva: keva tenses up as the guards approach Han: han too, also making note of fucking everything, how many people, exits, all that shit Rokka: rokka also does the tense Plum: plum stands a little closer to cimm and vorde Psalm: psalm is also just scoping the place out for good measure

Vorde: he clears his throat before speaking loudly and plainly “I, Vorde Barvotte of Antessa, have found and bring to you now, the assassins and wanted fugitives responsible for the carnage during the Elfonsent Ball but not a few nights ago” he continues a little less loudly with his brow furrowed “I bring grave news regarding their actions and future plans of attack on the city, i demand to be brought before the nobility and kings at once to relay this pertinent information immediately” the two royal guardsman in front of him pause for a moment and eyeball the group behind him bound in ropes.

Han appears to get the stink eye specifically from one of the guardsmen before the guard on the right, presumably the guard captain speaks up.

Guard Captain: “there are only 5 assassins left alive to my knowledge 'good' sire, and wasn't one of em' a lupin?” she turns her head to the other guard as if to ask for confirmation, he nods his head. Vorde: he clasps his hands together before responding “it appears you were not thorough enough in your investigation of the body then guard captain, it is of dire importance this error is rectified wouldn't you agree? as for the second question" he looks over at finn and gestures for him to bring chris rokksworth pop sensation forward Han: pop sensation chris rokksworth cant be bad! hes a star! Rokka: silly! hes just getting into his new movie role!

Finn brings Rokka forward as prompted by Vorde, reaching for Rokka’s bound hands Vorde pulls off the ring shifting his form immediately back to his lupin one.

Vorde: "These assassins are crafty wouldn't you say, hiding their faces to avoid detection." he gives you a quick look rokka that to you seems like hes saying gj bro Rokka: rokka just makes a surprised face :OOOOOOO

Satisfied, Vorde turns curtly and pushes Rokka back to where he was standing before, turning back to the guard captain. She squints at him and then quickly turns and raises her arm, ordering the nearby guardsman to examine the tied up members of the party for any weapons.

Han: han probably has all her weapons on her.... she grits her teeth over this lol, han glaring dagger into whoever has her stuff lmao Rokka: [nooo dont confiscate my swords] Keva: keva scowls as a guard approaches her and pats her down Han: eat shit copper

Orin tries to give Keva and Psalm placating looks throughout the process while not being obvious. The six members of the party have all their physical weapons removed from their persons. The guardsman on the right clears her throat seemingly satisfied with her appraisal and shouts at the guards on the walls to lift the gates, as she does Vorde gives the group a barely noticeable nod and continues speaking.

Vorde: “I must be bring them all before the nobility themselves as soon as possible, their testimony will be important for what i am to tell the royalty, i cannot explain their actions without them and the imminent threat to the city without them”  Guard Captain: she responds with a curt “you want to bring assassins before the kings for a second time?” Vorde: they are bound and weaponless, they couldn't hurt more than a fly as they stand now, beaten and docile. I'm sure you’ve a great manner of ways to check before they are brought anywhere near the nobility but i stress, i must speak to them with all of the fugitives present. It is of the greatest importance

The group watch the main gates slowly rise as Vorde speaks, hearing the grunting of guards nearby as they work it open. They’re all ushered ahead by the guardsmen behind them to walk through the gates. Stepping over the threshold they feel a wash of something pass over them as they enter the perimeter of the palace before moving along. 

Ghester: In the back of your head Psalm you hear Ghester make almost what sounds like a grunt of pain before hearing him whisper “....nasty enchantments in place now i see” Psalm: psalm's just looks at orin like eh could be worse, oh wait

Psalm: psalm just tries to mask cough asking ghester "are you alright?" in infernal Ghester: you hear a strained hmm as he speaks "nothing that will kill me but it shall be a persistent pain for a while i suppose, im being forcefully restrained is how i would put it. dont worry, i'll do my best to keep a watchful eye" Psalm: quietly "hmm, i wasn't that concerned about them taking my stuff but knowing that i guess i should be. although i can't really say i'm surprised they'd have you covered too." Ghester: he gives a dreary sigh Psalm: what do you want me to kiss it better? tough it out man! you're like a million years old aren't you? Ghester: he doesn't respond Psalm: * slightly concerned *

Keva: keva's gone from staring warily at the guards to staring at psalm talking to himself Han: 🤨 Psalm: psalm like why y'all staring at me Han: cant a man talk to himself every once in a while Psalm: thats what im saying

As the group walk through they all hear the guard captain Vorde is speaking to respond with a “we’ll see” before she pulls another guard over and motions for them to run ahead of the group with a message.

They quickly take off, the guard captain then turns and motions for Vorde and the entourage to follow close behind. The group are all ushered through a grand main garden, blooming flowers of yellow and blue and large plants bracket the main pathway. They feel plenty of eyes on then as they’re lead through the grounds.

> 🎵  Dark Medieval Blues. Hurdy-Gurdy, Organ & Drum / Andrey Vinogradov

The group is pushed towards the main palace entrance doors and a grand entrance foyer, flanked by royal guardsmen as they enter. There are a number more than there were during the Ball they notice as they’re are ushered down a tall corridor to the right, the royal guardsman marching along with them the whole way.

Eventually in one of the corridors they are brought to a stop. Soon after the messenger that was sent ahead earlier rushes back, as he heaves out of breath the guard captain mutters an impatient “and…?” he stands puffing before sidling up to whisper in her ear, she makes a sour face afterwards.

Guard Captain: “You’re to be examined before i bring you before the court” she points at a nearby door “inside” 

The group are once again hauled through by the guards. They find themselves led through a door to what appears to be an old and ornate looking library, though somewhat messy looking, before being ordered to sit upon a set of chairs lined up near a long wooden table.

The ceiling here is high and there are various potted plants strewn about the tall cases of old tomes, ladders with wheels on the bottom are affixed to the large wooden bookshelves. Orin seems to be looking about the large room with curiosity as if he cant help himself.

Psalm: psalm is same he's basically like "oh shit! books!!" Han: han keeps glaring at the guard who took all her shit n gritting her teeth Finn: finn also letting his eyes wander a little around the room Keva: keva also looks around and takes it all in warily

After a few minutes of waiting you all see the door open again as a woman wearing a large hat with aqua toned skin steps through, fins sprouting from her face.

Han: han briefly looks at her, then does a double take.  Rokka: anxiety sky rockets

Han: han wolf whistles smh she’s a chad dont be stupid Psalm: PLEASE NO Han: NO NO AS;LKHFDLKHWADS;LKF IM KIDDING IM KIDDING Cimmorro: KVLDJSKGJSDKLG\ Han: u can keep me in these cuffs baby girl (winks) Psalm: psalm throws up Plum: [retches] Han: this is why han only gets laid when she pays Psalm: OH MY LORD WHAT A THING TO SAY LMFAO Chip: she fucks but at what cost (25 gold) Han: 25 GOLD, DAMN

The woman appears as if she's a triton, the race typically live underwater they suppose shorewater is located on the sea, not strange for the people to make their way into the politics of the country on the oceans doorstep.

Carrying papers with her they note that she appears to be formally dressed, though they aren't quite sure of her station. She moves towards the table with a nod and places the notes and items she seems to be carrying down with a quick huff and turning to the guardsman

Mardella: “I’m here to examine the accused, i shall cast a general spell then probe further if i need too” as she speaks she brushes an errant hair behind one of her fins. Han: raise ur hand if u dont wanna get zone of truth-ed Plum: I DO I DO I WANNA GET ZONE OF TRUTHED MAKE THIS NIGHTMARE END I'M INNOCENT Han: AKLDSF;LKHRAWLKHHESGDLKAW;LKJ4F all my charm spell nightmares coming to life

Mardella: turning to the three not seated she continues “I am guessing you are Vorde Barotte then?” Vorde: he gives a small bow in response “yes that is correct” Mardella: she hmms and continues “I am curious as to how you apprehended them all when the guardsman had such difficulty, but you seem to express a great desire to speak before the kings themselves so i will leave the needling for the moment” she turns back to the rest of you seated in the chairs “right then this shall take me some time”

She moves to sit at the long table and picks up the papers she was holding. Just then the group also notice she also has a quill and a pot of ink near her. She quickly gets to work drawing notes of some sort before standing.

She walks back to the 6 of them and speaks casting a spell, she seems to grip something at her neck glowing a white light for a moment before relenting. She casts the Zone of Truth of spell, affecting all of them except for Psalm and Cimmorro. Should they speak now they can only respond truthfully.

Psalm: i almost wished cimm failed that just to force him to speak properly Plum: cimm says peenus weenus fr and this woman is like, i am in the presence of a complicated mind... a puzzle box Cimmorro: JKGSDGJSG now everyone's in MY world Chip: lets start with your childhood cimmorro Cimmorro: AM I AT THERAPY? Han: YES

Mardella: she clasps her hands in front of herself and speaks "i shall ask you a series of questions, i expect you to cooperate with this process" she pauses and continues "are any you of currently under the effects of a spell, intended to deceive?" Keva: no Plum: nah Psalm: as far as i am aware, no Han: no Rokka: nope Cimmorro: nope

Han: laughs over the differences n similarities in our responses Psalm: that’s rp babey! Plum: tag urself

Mardella: she hmms and continues "are any of you still carrying weapons or contraband on your person" Han: han grits her teeth "i fucking wish" Keva: no Psalm: no Cimmorro: nope Rokka: nope :( Plum: no Cimmorro: plum sitting there thinking "is this illegal? fuck if i know" (re their pink medical potion) for 30 seconds before answering

Mardella: she continues "do you harbour ill intent towards the royalty of this country" Plum: no Keva: no Han: no Rokka: never Psalm: no Cimmorro: not yet i dont :d Plum: LFAMOGOGOO Han:;KHAS;LKDF;AWEFD Cimmorro: DONT TEST ME Chip: cimmorro cringe compilation Psalm: @ cim

Cimmorro: LKBF;DBCVB,SB.,S Han: we are all testing her patience,  cimm and han 🤝 at their wits fucking end Cimmorro: they find truce. Once

Mardella: she gives you a look cimm and continues "how long ago did you arrive and shorewater, and for what purpose" Keva: 2 weeks. i’m looking for someone Plum: a few weeks ago, came here to talk to vorde Rokka: nearly a month, im just exploring Psalm: a little under two weeks. and i'm just here for a change of scenery Cimmorro: came around 2 weeks back or so. just passing by really, pilgrimaging Han: almost 5 seasons. my friend left me here to find myself

Mardella: she humms "and a final one, were you all here on the night of the Elfonsent Ball?" Han: yes Keva: yes Cimmorro: yup Psalm: yes Plum: ya Rokka: yup

Mardella: satisfied she nods and unclasps her hands "thank you for complying" 

The woman walks back to the end of the table where she placed her papers and begins to draw with the ink and quill, what look like runes of a sort, whispering under her breath, they figure shes slowly casting another spell.

They sit in silence under the watch of the guardsman, about ten minutes pass before she seems to finish, a quick glow bursts from her hands and she stands once again, coming to scrutinise them all. She then slowly examines them all one by one from a distance, making her way down the line before stopping after a time, seemingly satisfied.

Mardella: “I’ve not detected anything suspicious in the way of magic for now” she stands and dusts her dress slightly “i shall go and inform the kings, lead them to the court hall once you are ready” she turns and gives Vorde a slight bow before standing and leaving the room. 

Han: oh that was a detect magic not identify, i was like how is psalm not pinging -  warlock pact Cimmorro: psalm big dong pinging under the radar of mommy Psalm: yeah everything about that is horrible jez Chip: psalm back on pornhub Psalm: everything about what you just said is terrible, GOD, THIS IS LIKE THE THIRD TIME Plum: jez, jez i will beat you one day Cimmorro: Nicj9jjoflkeneje

The guard captain satisfied, motions for the guards to haul the group out of the room and back through the palace, the other three following close behind. Once more they are led through the tall corridors of the palace into a more minimalistically decorated area, though it seems everywhere in this place is covered in plush long carpets. Eventually they are all brought before a large set of double doors, taller than themselves, and brought to a stop. 

The guard captain stands at attention before them all, bringing Vorde, Finn and Orin in front of the group, before turning and lightly knocking on the door. A moment passes and soon after what they assume to be a secretary of sorts sticks his head out and whispers in her ear before leaning back inside and closing the door.

Plum: [fidgeting] Rokka: [fidgeting] Han: han is stoic tense n grimacing the usual Keva: keva's like, lightly scuffing the plush carpet with a shoe as she looks around Psalm: psalm sneezes Chip: ghester doesn't say bless you

Guard Captain: she turns back to you all and speaks “You have been granted an audience with the kings, the princess, the archmage and the high arcane adviser. You will speak when spoken too and keep your hands to yourself, if i notice but a hair out of place, you're out the door. As for the rest of you-” she cranes her head “try anything again and we’ll gut you where you stand, am i clear?” Plum: i heard one of the kings is really hot, IM JK Han: KKHDA;SLKHFALKHEFDS Cimmorro: JDJFKROEDLDM so ure saying hes not? 🤔

> 🎵  The Great Cross-Examination ~ Allegro 2015 / The Great Ace Attorney OST

The guard captain turns and pushes open the doors walking ahead. Vorde, Orin and Finn follow after her as the rest of the group are pushed along behind by the royal guardsman. They all enter what looks like a large chamber, a small set of stairs leading down into a large circle with an ornate design in its centre, tall pillars along either end. At the centre hanging over the centre of the large circle is a lit chandelier, clean in its design.

Across and up another set of stairs appears to be 5 seats, two more ornately decorated than the others, each sat upon by a person flanked by stone statues. The two kings Jermiah and Peruvus Argotts, sit in the two at the centre, flanked by princess Forrin Argott. Next to them sits a gnome in ornate garb, and the woman from earlier, Mardella. 

The chamber has a set of royal guardsmen lined up on either end of the wall at attention, the group is slowly led down to the centre of the room as the guard captain in front of them speaks, head bowed low.

Psalm: A GNOME? :pogchamp: WE'VE BEEN KONGED Plum: GNOME COOL Cimmorro: DAMN TGIF THANK GNOME ITS FRIDAY Han: 

Rokka: SDFCGVHBJKL Cimmorro: THANKS POKI

Guard Captain: your majesty's, i bring Vorde Barvotte of Antessa and his associates, as well as the 6 fugitives wanted for the events that occurred during the Efonsent Ball” she then steps back and aside, allowing Vorde, Finn and Orin to stand facing the court instead. “He claims to have pertinent information regarding their plans and a future plan of attack upon the city, he desired to relay this directly to the court.” The eyes of the five soon land on Vorde as he folds his arms behind his back.

Jeremiah: the king consort speaks up first “Well no need to keep us in suspense sire, speak freely. Mind we are a bit on edge at the moment so if possible it would be well for us to keep this audience brief” Turen: you hear the gnome woman speak up soon after him with a sigh “better for us to be taking no audiences at this time with the work to be done right now” Forrin: The princess responds soon after “we can't turn down any information at this time Turen, even if it ends up being a farce. Though I doubt the good sir would jeopardise himself so readily in such a precarious time, correct?” she tilts her head slightly with a glance at Vorde. Vorde: He responds with a small bow and a brief “of course your highness” Jermiah: he once again waves his hand as if prompting Vorde to begin speaking once more. Cimmorro: speak now thot Plum: plum is just listening to them say words and not absorbing any of it,  just thinking i am looking at the faces of the rulers of this country right now, i wonder what my parents would think Finn: finn looking at these people like man theyre richer than us Cimmorro: we start dancing behind him, interactive presentation Han: we start doing fortnite dances Psalm: psalm is also like hmm wonder what my parents would think, how did i end up here

Vorde: standing straight again he begins “I bring important news of dire events but more notably i must stress an important detail first. The 6 fugitives behind me stand accused of heinous crimes towards the court and the sanctity of this city and country, but I've proof they were merely innocent bystanders who were used. Their faces stolen to be equipped as masks in crimes against this country” He straightens his back slightly before continuing “On my person i have a pieces of evidence that point towards the true culprits behind the attack on your persons your majesty’s, a cult known by the moniker ‘The Red Letterheads’ who deal in disgusting acts for a purpose i do not fully understand myself yet” 

 As Vorde speaks the group see the 5 sitting in front of him watch with rapt attention, he details the evidence they’ve all found and presents his satchel, leaving it upon the ground for examination as he speaks. The guard captain takes the satchel and walks it to the gnome Turen and Mardella who begin to examine its contents. 

> 🎵  Joint Reasoning (Type A) / The Great Ace Attorney OST

Throughout his monologue he turns to each member of the party to provide testimony or speak upon the things they have seen and encountered over the past few days to prove their innocence, and the letterheads being the true culprits before leaving the closing argument to Finn.

Han: uses her outlander feat to provide testimony explaining the groups movements precisely retracing their steps and describing the letterheads place

Psalm: persuades them that the night started with the group being either hired as vinny's bodyguards or brought along as his +1's and the reason why they chose them for doppelgangers was because they were apparently easy targets

Plum: talks about the fact that they only came to shorewater to talk to vorde and then was going to fuck off back to talornia or wherever - they say "fuck off back to" and then are like ah oops

Keva: say she was talking with silversoul and was in his vicinity during the attack, so she saw him stabbed and wasn't around vinny who her doppelganger was seen stabbing bc she was across the ballroom -  [ psalm jumps in on keva's point to say that he had seen the letterhead member that stabbed vinny before she disguised herself as keva and that they later apprehended her and got information out of her ]

Rokka: mentions that he was speaking to vorde with han and plum at the ball,  BRO IM JUST A JOCK

Cimmorro: speaks precisely about the methods of necromancy the group saw, including the undead zombies and the blood clones.

Finn: for the closing statement he emphasises keva’s testimony re:gintama and cimmorro’s regarding the blood clones. Tying that in with the evidence the group  have and making it clear that the real perpetrators have pressing motives that need to be investigated with utmost urgency

> 🎵  The Old Bailey ~ Closing Argument / The Great Ace Attorney OST

Finn eventually closes out the argument, nervously taking a breath as he finishes speaking. In front of them the group watch as the court thinks of the things the party has relayed, most of them with their brows furrowed. 

Psalm: i hope this turns into a "glad we brought him!" situation Cimmorro: PLZ 🥺

Peruvus: finally he speaks up “So this is true then? I had suspicions this was part of a greater plot but it appears to have become all the truer with every word you’ve spoken.”  Jeremiah: “The inconsistencies within your testimony make sense if the culprits were in fact doppelgangers, a cult hmm” looking at you Finn he continues "you said his name was Theyord?” Han: han zones out for a sec and then goes "i believe he also went by ansam?" Finn: finn pulls down his scarf slightly. "Indeed. But my uncle has a better account of this, if you do not mind him relaying it in my place." and just. eyeballs vorde. motioning for him to take over. Cimmorro: this is finn the whole time but crying

Vorde: Yes, your majesty, i think in a previous life he may have gone by the name Ansam, i'm unsure of its relevance at the moment Jeremiah: at that he seems to think for a moment before frowning and putting a hand to his face to think, not speaking after. Turen: next to him the archmage speaks up “This tome is certifiably filled with black magic, the kind you often dont see used on the material plane by living creatures because of how complicated the runes are. If this cult's patron is Mephisto then that is most certainly where they got these litany of spells, he just gives them out to anyone who asks now? This devil gives me a headache…” she turns towards the three standing members of royalty before continuing “i can confirm the contents of this tome are indeed teemed toward necromancy and mind control, it may explain a few things. The enchantments on these items feel like the scratchings of the desperate” she looks over at you cimmorro "seems he knows what hes talking about" Cimmorro: cimm just looks back at them like <:3c

Keva and Han attempt to study the king consort’s reaction to the name Ansam but dont get much aside from the fact that he recognises it, theyre unsure how affected he is right now by its mention. Han does note that the 5 seem to be seriously considering the groups argument, seems Finn’s closing argument was quite strong. 

Psalm also thinks now and considers if he’s heard the name Ansam before, he thinks that perhaps faintly he may have heard it somewhere back home, thinking that it sounds like it could be the name of tiefling. Though he doesnt get much else. Soon after Cimmorro is praised Mardella once again speaks up 

Mardella: “i do not think they're lying about the stolen faces, we had the suspicion already. Once we removed the ring upon the corpse in the palace it changed its face completely, it's of the same make as the one I hold now” she twirls the disguise ring around in the light. “Your majesty’s, your highness, i too can confirm the authenticity of these items as Turen just did” Forrin: at this she responds, lifting her arm slightly, beckoning towards the guard captain “as a gesture of trust, i’d like you to remove their bindings as they stand before us captain” 

Quickly bowing, the guard captain walks over to the group of six, Orin, Finn and Vorde drop the ropes as she quickly cuts each member free one by one, their hands allowed to roam as they please. Other royal guards step forward to take the ropes and remove them from the hall as the king begins to speak once more.

Peruvus: “I'm going to choose to believe the events you’ve just relayed to us to be truth, in which case I apologise for the rough treatment you’ve no doubt undergone in place of our true culprits. It must not have been easy gathering all of this information.” He turns to you Finnian, and continues “earlier your group said there was an immediate dire threat facing us, can you explain? Or was this also part of the farce to gain an audience with us” he clasps his hands over his knees as he speaks, leaning forward slightly “we’ve upped the city’s defences somewhat since the assassination attempts and the return of our archmage, but there have been unusual happenings i've noticed over the past day. I’d like to know what you can tell me and if you’ve any further leads”  Psalm: If I may, what are these 'unusual happenings' you're referring to? Peruvus: he shits his attention over towards you psalm and responds "The mayor caused a great hullabaloo at the government ward gates, it appears as if he started a fist fight with all the nearby guardsmen out of the blue. None were eager to bring him down as he was already still injured from the Ball’s events" he rubs the bridge of his nose as if beleaguered "Similarly a cleric from the church of Heiron was seen pounding on the gates in the church district soon after his recovery within his own church's walls, he resisted any attempts from the guardsman to calm him and had to be restrained..." Keva: keva frowns @ news abt panaver Han: han tsks kind of to herself

Psalm: I see. Well going off what we know so far the cult has the ability to both disguise themselves, but their leader can temporarily possess the followers as well. The cleric is one of the wounded from the night of the ball, so that at least explains his breakdown. Keva: "silversoul" keva says, quieter than she usually speaks Psalm: sorry what was that Keva: keva huffs and says louder "his name was panaver silversoul. he was the one i was talking to." Han: we think who was stabbed, is who can be controlled by theyord Finn: "It was not a farce. Our investigation has proven that the Letterheads have been preparing to perform a ritual. Perhaps some sort of summoning. The language they used suggested serious danger. Tightened defenses or not, Shorewater is vulnerable." Finn sighs and closes his eyes for a second. "it might be of interest for you to know that they possess portals that lead to various different places in Shorewater, possibly outside of it." Psalm: With that being said, we don't really have the specifics of the 'dire' event the letterheads have planned. But for the most part they seem intent on 'punishing' Shorewater. Oh, and they plan to carry out this punishment within the next few days. Plum: i'd give us less than two days. Psalm: If even so much. We did however, infiltrate their base, so assuming they haven't left we know the whereabouts and have an idea of what it's like inside

Cimmorro:  is finn still wearing all of his layers during the entirety of this Finn: yes Cimmorro: perfect,  he's just waddling around while explaining things

Forrin: ...a large scale attack… we’ll need Turen to scour that tome for any sort of spell that might indicate to what exactly they’re attempting, perhaps that Accord wizard might assist us. We must further up the guard presence along the walls and call a lockdown perhaps.. Jeremiah: perhaps we ought evacuate the city entirely, though I wonder if we’d have enough time, if we were caught while people are outside their homes en masse it could worsen the situation entirely… Mardella: i think a lockdown would be a better course of action, if we set about activating the city wide enchantments quickly the people would be safer inside their homes than out Jeremiah: he nods in response “hmm this is true, we’ll need to expend all our effort into organising the guard as quickly as possible more than we already have, we ought to bulk up the church and government ward gates specifically as well. Its good to know we've a location to crack down on then as well. We ought to arrange a group of guardsman and mages to flush them out post hate as well..

> 🎵  Joint Reasoning: The Great Deduction (Type B) / The Great Ace Attorney OST

Forrin calls over the guard captain and the secretary seated at the desk close by and begins relaying orders for them to begin sending out along with Peruvus. Jeremiah however continues to address the group as they do.

Jeremiah: Travellers and esteemed Barvottes. I King Consort Jeremiah, am now asking formally for your aid in this time of crisis, we are stretched thin and with not knowing what to expect the city needs as much help and eyes as we can give her. You will be compensated greatly for helping the city of Shorewater, and the country of Dorrin itself in its coming time of crisis. As well as for the hardships you have already endured, is there a name I might refer to you all as going forward?” Vorde: he turns his head at you all expectantly afterwards as well.

Cimmorro: wow even on dnd we quarantine Chip: social distancing to save from cults Psalm: damn jeremiah if you're asking like that... 👉👈 Cimmorro: jeremiah stan club Plum: sir can i get your autograph

The group then scramble to decide on a name, quickly forming a group huddle amongst themselves.

Cimmorro: cimm does a poor attempt to huddle us all up and goes "lets just go with peenus weenus" Plum: whispering heatedly "shut up cimm shut up" Psalm: sure why not, i'm sure whatever dignity we have left doesn't matter anymore right? Han: tries not to choke

Finn: finn coughs uncomfortably at cimm's suggestion. "we could simply refer to ourselves as a strike force." Han: do we even have anything that makes us one Psalm: vinny's strike force... to honour him since he's dead. /s Cimmorro: the brokebacks Plum: SHUTGUUPPGPF

Cimmorro: while everyone is debating i just walk up to the king and goes like we're the vengaboys -  "your majesty i present to you the vengaboys" Jeremiah: he looks towards you cimmorro and tilts his head "vengaboys? i see, well then Vengaboys-" and he turns to the rest of you all "i would like to ask again for finality's sake, do you have any more possible leads at the moment?" Cimmorro: i turn back to everyone and gives a thumbs up Psalm: psalm gives a thumbs up back Vorde: [internally] tf does venga mean Psalm: TF DOES VENGA MEAN Chip: vengeance boys... Cimmorro: ^ Keva: boys for vengeance Finn: 

Psalm responds afterwards, informing the king consort that the only one they have would be the hideout as they’ve never met Theyord in person, Han emphasising only when hes possessed someone. He also brings up the notes in the back of the book, noting Shelly’s name and that she may be in possible danger.

Keva: i step a little closer to psalm and say "tell them about those people we ran into down there" Psalm: psalm just folds his arms and does what keva asks Keva: YYYEEAAAAHHH

Han: when theres a pause han also asks "what about the assassin that you caught? who are they?" Jeremiah: he looks over at you "they weren't caught per say, the guards struck them right in the ballroom before they could strike at us, dead in seconds." he thinks "we examined the body of course but as far as we could tell they weren't a Shorewater native, i dont think they were from Dorrin originally either. The most we could glean was they had a brand upon their back in the shape of a symbol once we removed the disguise”

Forrin then returns her attention to the conversation at hand, seemingly her and her brother Peruvus have finished issuing orders for the moment, having been paying attention to the ongoing conversation.

Peruvus: “We shall work on the assignment of the guardsmen across the city and deciphering all we can from the tome you’ve given us, as well as bolster the city's magic defences, and declare a lockdown. Once you return from investigating Shelly Carter’s abode I would ask you to assist us directly in these tasks. At the most i can spare some guardsmen to assist you in this endeavour, it would be best i think to send one of the captains in charge of the arcana district to help your investigation. I will send word for you to meet them at the district gates, it would be best for us to move as quickly as possible”  Turen: in response to this archmage stands “if i am no longer needed your majesty i shall consort with Mardella and the witch from the accord, my workload has suddenly increased tenfold” she rolls her shoulders as if gearing up for a fist fight.

Jeremiah nods and waves her and Mardella off, the two stand and leave the room via one of the large doors, finally him and the other two royals stand 

Jeremiah: “The royal guardsman shall escort you off the palace grounds and send word across the city that you aren't to be approached in your travel, should you require any food or rest before you head off you may use one of the rooms in the palace. The guardsmen will direct you.” Peruvus: “return as soon as you are able, we’ve not a moment to waste” Psalm: I don't speak for everyone here, but as it's still early in the day I don't think we'll be here for long before heading onto our next task Peruvus: looks towards you psalm and nods "of course, whatever suits you for the moment" He looks back towards Vorde addressing him directly "thank you again for your aid in this time from your family, sire Barvotte, it shall not be forgotten. As well as for you, Vengaboys, may we meet to discuss what comes next soon with higher hopes" 

The royal guard captain stands and rises as the royals give the group a small courteous bow which Vorde returns doubly so. The party and co. are ushered back out of the doors of the grand courthall their names now clear, their next task pressing on their minds....

--

Notes

🦇Finn succeeded the debate skill challenge very epic

🍺 Plum drank the「  Red Potion ✨ 」who knows how long they’ll have red hair for...

-「  4 Poison Daggers ✨ 」-「 a Branding Rod ✨ 」-「 a Red Tome ✨ and -「 2 Letterhead Tokens ✨ 」 were handed over to the Court as evidence

- ITS NOON - 33 HOURS UNTIL - 📜🩸 The Reckoning 🩸📜 - (supposedly)

[drowning-in-dennor]

Monochrome

This is my entry for day 1 of @aphyuriweek2019! I chose the theme of “colour” and the pairing here is nyo!DenNor. I actually wrote this quite a while ago, and it’s probably the longest one-shot I’ve ever written at around 4.5K words.

  The first time Maren sees her, the sky is dull and so are her clothes.

  Platinum locks. A white cardigan. A beige skirt, grey heels. Fair skin. She’s clutching something in her arms.

  The air is stuffy with the prelude of rain, and Maren sees the girl a few meters away from her. She herself is heading towards the bicycle store for her shift, preparing for a busy afternoon. Maren finds herself wondering where that girl is going.

  The next time Maren glances at her, she is on the ground.

  She runs to help the girl, who is picking things up. They’re papers, Maren notices. Black and white and as dull as everything else about her. Maren holds out a hand to help the girl up, and she takes it. Her skin is cool. 

  “Thank you,” she says. Her voice is quiet and monotone.

  “No problem!” Maren replies cheerfully. “What’s your name?”    

  The girl looks into her eyes. They’re blue. Not the noonday-sky-blue of Maren’s own eyes, not the sea-blue of her brother’s. They are the blue of the night sky right before the sun rises, but there are no stars in them.

  “Linnea Norsdottir,” she introduces herself as. “I go to the public university here, and I’m studying world literature.”

  “Cool. This is Maren Dansdatter, at your service.” Maren grins. “Pleasure to meet you.”

  Linnea nods, stands up and, after another short “Thank you”, leaves.

  Maren still doesn’t know where Linnea is going.

…

  The second time Maren sees her, the sky is clear.

  She’s heading for her shift again, and catches Linnea walking in the same direction. Her skirt is blue this time, a pale blue like watered-down paint. She’s carrying a bag this time, a plain canvas bag slung over one shoulder. There’s a clip on the right side of her head, something Maren didn’t notice before.

  Maren waves at her with a smile. “Hi!”

  Linnea turns and locks gazes with her. “Oh, hello again. Maren, right?” She smiles at the other girl’s nod. “I’d recognise that messy hair anywhere.”

  “Hey!”

  “Sorry,” she says, not sounding very apologetic. “But it’s true. That, and your loud voice.” Her clip is cross-shaped, Maren realises.

  “So,” trying not to sound too indignant, Maren changes the subject. “Where are you going?”

  “The hospital.” Linnea clutches her bag closer and turns away. “I’ll see you later, Maren.”  She walks away before Maren can ask more.

… 

  The third time Maren sees her, the sky is on the other side of a window.

  She’s in the hospital, visiting her nephew after he’s broken his leg. After punching her younger brother in the arm, she walks into the ward. It’s small, with white walls and a window and a curtained-off other half, where another patient must be. She approaches with a careful smile. “Hey, Peter!”

  Her six-year-old nephew, with his legs propped up with pillows, gives her a wave. “Hi, Aunt Maren! How are you?”

  “I should be asking you that, kid. How did you end up here?”

  “Oh, I fell off a tree at school.”

  “You what?”

  “It was a dare!” Peter protests, turning red. Maren laughs when she sees him pout. “Wendy said she’d do my homework for me if I could climb the highest tree in the school. So I did, and I stood up and she clapped, then I slipped and hit the floor. Papa almost passed out when he saw me in the nurse’s office with my leg all bent.”

  “And what did your faather—” Maren snickers at that. “—say when he found out?”

  “Dad dropped a plate when Papa called him from here. I heard it from over the phone.”

  Maren snorts, glancing briefly at the door when she hears voices.

  “Linn?”

  “Berwald, is that you? We haven’t talked in years, how are things?”

  She swings the door open when she hears Linnea’s voice, feeling her heart pound. There she sees Linnea, wearing the same as the day before, in conversation with Berwald.

  No, Maren notices with a jolt, she’s wearing arctic-blue heels, with little flowers sewn on top. And Linnea’s hair is done differently today, in a braid that sweeps over her shoulder. She doesn’t realise she’s staring at her until Berwald taps her shoulder.

  “Hey, do you two, like, know each other or somethin’?” Maren asks. She realises that Linnea is deliberately not looking at her.

  The blonde clears her throat, looking down. “Berwald’s my ex.”

  Maren stares at Berwald. “Since when did you like girls?”

  He stares back, glaring when she starts to smirk. “Experimenting. I was experimenting.”

  “It was high school,” Linnea adds. “We dated for two weeks, I think, before Berwald realised… that. Then we just kind of stayed friends.”

  “And I never knew about this.”

  “It was two weeks,” Berwald grunts. 

  “A while after we broke up, I realised I swung both ways, so I guess it helped.” Linnea shrugs and pushes the door open. “Now goodbye.”

  Maren follows her inside the ward. “You’re here to visit Peter, too?”

  She ignores her and passes Peter’s bed, pushing a curtain aside and walking to the other half of the ward. From her spot next to Peter’s bed, Maren hears, “How are you?”

  From behind the curtain come coughs, and a weak, almost-inaudible reply. 

  Trying to distract herself, Maren looks out the window. It’s dark now, and the little dots of lights poke out from windows and stand out like stars. The clock on the wall reads 8:24. 

  She leaves the room a few minutes later with a goodbye fist-bump to Peter and heads home. Almost two hours later, she gets a text message from Berwald. Tino and I just left the hospital, it reads. Linn is still there — I think she’s staying the night.

…

  The fourth time Maren sees her, it’s raining.

  She’s walking to the hospital, ready to help Peter get home after a week at the hospital. It’s raining cats and dogs and she has her umbrella open, though it doesn’t stop rainwater from splashing onto her shoes.

  In front of her, under a clear umbrella, is Linnea. She’s wearing her bland colours again, all whites and beiges and greys. Her head is bowed.

  Maren doesn’t talk to her until they both get inside the hospital, closing their umbrellas and kicking off stray droplets. “Linnea,” she calls.

  She turns, and Maren notices that her eyes are dull, defeated, tired. “Hello, Maren.” Even her voice is weaker.

  “Hey, are you okay? You look really tired.��

  “I’m fine,” Linnea says. She walks towards the elevator, although her walk looks more like a trudge. “And can you stop following me?”

  “I’m here to see my nephew,” Maren counters, while walking into the elevator herself. “He just happens to share a ward with whoever you’re visiting, so I can’t help it.”

  “Tch.” 

  They ride the elevator in silence.

  Peter is gone. Maren stands in front of what once was his hospital bed for a moment, before hearing a chime that came from her phone. She turns it on, noticing exactly 15 text messages and 4 missed calls from her brother-in-law.

Tino Maren (3:13 p.m.) Maren  (3:13 p.m.) Marennnnnn  (3:13 p.m.) Dont go to the hospital  (3:14 p.m.) Peter’s already home (3:14 p.m.) We picked him up (3:15 p.m.) so stay at home (3:16 p.m.) Maren Dansdatter don’t go to the hospital!!! (3:17 p.m.) Holy crap it’s raining so hard (3:17 p.m.) Aaah (3:17 p.m.) So yeah (3:17 p.m.) Stay at hone (3:18 p.m.) *home (3:18 p.m.) You won’t see Peter (3:18 p.m.) Also he says hi (3:20 p.m.) If you want to visit Peter then come over when its not raining (3:20 p.m.) See ya (3:21 p.m.)

  Linnea snickers while reading the messages. “You really should check your phone more.” She nudges a dumbstruck Maren, who jumps at the contact. “You know what? There’s no use in you staying here, so come along with me.”

  Maren stares at her. “What?”

  She pushes the curtain aside and gestures impatiently. “Come on.”

  There’s a girl asleep in the hospital bed, tiny against the mountain of blankets covering her. Linnea sets her bag down on a chair next to the bed and approaches the girl, gently placing a hand on her shoulder. “Sula?”

  The girl — Sula — stirs, opening her eyes. She sits up slowly, propping herself up on the pillows. “Linn?” She murmurs.

  Linnea smiles at her, although her eyes remain dull. “How are you feeling?”

  Sula coughs. “Much better. Doctor Ardelean said my fever’s going down, too.” She coughs again, covering her mouth with a gasp. Linnea jumps and scrambles for a bottle of water, hands shaking when she hands it to Sula.

  Maren feels invisible while watching Linnea fuss over the girl, without sparing so much as a single glance at her.

  “T-Thanks.” 

  And Sula looks into Maren’s eyes, and the older girl finds herself locked by a gaze that eerily resembles Linnea’s. 

  “Who are you?” Sula asks quietly.

  “Sula, this is Maren.” Linnea says. “She’s… a friend, I think. Her nephew was the one who stayed in this room with you.”

  “The loud kid who wouldn’t shut up?”

  “Yeah. And Maren, Sula’s my younger sister.”

  Maren waves awkwardly. “Hey.”

  Sula blinks, not dropping her gaze. “Your hair is messier than my life.”

  “My hair is what, now?”

  “Kids these days,” Linnea mutters. “All nihilists.” She smooths out Sula’s blanket and reaches for her bag. “Literal twelve-year-olds talking about how life is meaningless while eating detergent.”

  “That was one time,” Sula protests weakly. “And I won Mr. Puffin from that.”

  “Oh, right, that’s how you got him. Speaking of your bird, he misses you.” Linnea pulls out a plastic bag. “Pecked me awake at three in the morning yesterday asking for food, then screeching when he didn’t get any.”

  “You have a puffin?”

  “Mr. Puffin is actually a… a…” Sula looks to her sister. “What’s that bird called again, Linn?”

  “A zebra finch, Sula. But he looks like a puffin, and Sula loves puffins, so… that happened.” Linnea places the plastic bag on Sula’s bedside table with a flourish. “I brought you some liquorice. Don’t tell Aleks.”

  Someone knocks at the door.

  “Oh, speak of the devil.” Sula hides the bag of liquorice under her pillow as Linnea goes to open the door. “Hi, Doctor Ardelean.”

  The doctor in question is a young man Maren’s age, wearing an easy smile and a strange red hat alongside his scrubs. Strawberry-blond hair, amber eyes, the only colour standing out from his sterile white clothes. The tag attached to his coat reads Aleksander Ardelean.

  “How are you, Sula?” The doctor bends down in front of her bed. “Feeling better?”

  Sula nods, forcing a smile. “I’m not coughing as much as I used to, and I don’t feel as tired. Can I go home soon?”

  At the corner of her eye, Maren sees Linnea stiffen. “Maybe in a week,” her sister says. “If Aleks says you’re well enough.”

  “Yeah, one week more and I’m sure you’ll be able to go home,” Ardelean agrees. “Don’t forget to take your medicine and lay off on the candy, okay?”

  The sisters exchange a knowing glance at that.

  “Is there anything else we can do today, Aleksander?” Linnea asks. Maren, in surprise, notices how her voice is tight with worry. “Something to help Sula feel better?”

  “Not much. Just keep doing what you did before, Linn. Things are getting better, and they’ll keep on getting better.”

  Ardelean stays for an hour, keeping Sula company as Linnea fetches basins of water and towels for her sister to wash herself, new clothes for Sula to change in and a stack of worksheets she turns her nose up at. “Really?” Sula asks incredulously. “I have pneumonia, and my teachers are worried about my grades?”

  The girl smiles at a stack of get-well cards, though, spending a good amount of time telling Maren about her friends. “Erika, she’s the one who gave the green card, is one of my best friends,” she says. “Her older brother is scary sometimes, but he’s nice, I guess, once you get to know him.” She points to another card, white with a messy red scrawl and doodles of birds and dragons. “This one’s from Ka Yu, another of my best friends. She bet that I was too chicken to do this challenge where we put a detergent pod in our mouths. But I did it, so she gave me Mr. Puffin!”

  “I don’t like her,” Linnea adds briefly, wringing out a face towel and hanging it up. “What kind of friends bond by eating Tide Pods?”

  Ardelean leaves when his pager rings, giving a few reminders to Sula with a grin. Linnea turns away when he talks and hides her expression. With a muttered “Thank you”, Linnea walks out the room, her heels echoing in the hallway. Maren, with only a few seconds of hesitation, follows her.

  Linnea is sitting on a bench in the corridor outside, scrolling down her phone with tired eyes. With a glance out the window, Maren realises that it’s getting dark, but raindrops are still pelting the ground below. She sits down next to Linnea. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “It’s getting late. When are you heading home?”

  “I don’t know. You can go first.”

  “Linnea?”

  “It’s fine,” she insists. “Really. Thanks for staying, Maren.”

…

  The fifth and sixth time Maren sees her, it’s pouring. Linnea’s clothing is as dull as the sky, her cerulean eyes reflecting the dismal gray of the storm clouds. They stay at the hospital for hours on end, arriving in the afternoon and leaving late at night. They talk to Sula, to Aleksander, to each other. 

  Maren learns more about Linnea in their many conversations. She’s twenty-one years old, four years younger than Maren, and studying world history at the university in town. She went to Berwald’s high school when Maren was studying in Denmark. And Maren tells Linnea about herself. She never went to university, she works at the local bicycle shop with her best friend, she goes to that bar run by old Kirkland every Friday. 

  After leaving the hospital, Maren walks Linnea home, to a small apartment complex in a quiet part of town. The younger girl always nods, thanks her, on the sixth day she smiled at Maren (and she likes replaying that smile over and over in her mind), but her shoulders are curled forwards in exhaustion and there are bags over her eyes.

  Neither of them talk about that, though. Linnea gives her phone number to Maren on the evening of the fifth and they chat the night away, sending photos and exchanging jokes like middle school besties.

  She learns more, and tells more. Aleksander is one of Linnea’s childhood friends; one of her classmates, Ka Wing, has a younger sister close to Sula. She’s kind of jealous of Berwald for getting married and having kids before she did; she was in the debate team back in school.

  She saves Linnea’s contact in her phone as “Linn”.

…

  The seventh time Maren sees her, a storm is thundering through town. They’re both running for the hospital, hopping over puddles and dodging lampposts.

  They shiver once they reach the air-conditioned entrance of the hospital, blinking under the bright lights, blinding compared to the dim sky outside. Linnea wipes fallen leaves off her umbrella, Maren shakes hers dry. 

  “Is there stuff in my hair?”

  She turns to face Linnea, eyeing her golden locks for sodden leaves, blades of grass. Nothing. Maren’s eyes wander down to her face, catching once-bright blue eyes that stare without seeing and puffy with tears that may or may not have been shed the night before.

  “Nothing.”

  They don’t talk again until they reach Sula’s ward, and Linnea puts on her big-sister mask. “Hi, Sula.”

  “Hey, Linn.” Sula is sitting up in bed, playing on her cell phone. “Hi, Maren. Guess what?” She continues when Linnea stays silent. “Doctor Ardelean said I can leave next Wednesday! I don’t have fever anymore and I don’t feel like trash, I—” Sula collapses into a fit of coughing and Linnea rushes to her bedside.

  After a while of Linnea comfortingly rubbing Sula’s back and passing her a bottle of water, the girl continues talking. “Okay, I still kind of feel like trash.”

  Maren approaches Linnea’s side. “You’re doing good, Sula,” she says. “You’ve got an awesome big sister and her friends looking out for you! You’ll be back to eating soap and taking care of your bird in no time!”

  “They’re Tide Pods.”

  “You’ll be back to eating Tide Pods and taking care of your bird in no time, then.”

  “And I’ll have to go back to school and suffer tests again.”

  She laughs a little. “Well, that’s life.”

  They talk like that for a while, telling stupid puns and laughing at stories. Linnea cuts in as Sula is telling Maren about shenanigans with Ka Yu. “Don’t strain yourself, Sula.”

  “I’m fine, Linn,” she protests. “I’m just a little tired.”

  Linnea goes off collecting supplies for Sula again, helping her change into new clothes and passing her damp towels to wash her face. Nobody talks about how she slumps while carrying basins of water or her heavy steps when approaching the nurses. 

  Aleksander drops by occasionally, refilling Sula’s IV and giving Linnea a hug when she yawns. “You’re a great sister, Linn,” Maren hears him say. “Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t handle everything. You’ve gotta take care of yourself, too.”

  The two of them stay in Sula’s ward until almost eight in the evening, when they walk down to the hospital’s canteen for dinner. Linnea barely gets anything down before returning upstairs, leaving Maren to pack leftovers for her. They share a batch of liquorice with Sula, playing a game of chess and taking turns competing against each other.

  And, all of a sudden, it’s eleven o’clock and Sula is nestled against her sheets, snoozing away. Linnea brushes her sister’s hair from her forehead with a wry smile. “At least she’s getting enough sleep now.” Maren follows her out of the room and into the bench they sat side-by-side on three days ago.

  Linnea drops down onto the seat, exhaling sharply. She rubs her eyes, blinks, yawns. And she starts crying.

  Maren sits down next to her and wraps an arm around her shoulder, unused to seeing the composed girl breaking down. “Linnea?”

  She wipes at her tears, head bowed. “I’m fine,” she tries to say. “I’m just fine.”

  “No, you’re not,” Maren insists. She pulls Linnea closer, surprised when the other girl’s breath hitches and she starts crying harder. “You’ve been dead on your feet these past few days. You won’t let anyone help you, you’ve practically become on of the nurses and hell, even Aleksander says that you’re working too much! Why aren’t your parents here helping you out?”

  “They don’t care.” Her voice is quiet, barely a whisper. “They pay for Sula’s hospital fees because they don’t want her dead. They don’t care how sick she is, they just need her to live. I’ve been taking care of Sula for almost two weeks now, and I’ve barely been scraping by my classes in uni and I don’t want to fail, but I can't just leave her here!” She buries her head in her hands, shoulders shaking with sobs. “My life is a mess, Maren, and I have no idea how to deal with this.”

  “Sleep,” Maren says firmly. She helps Linnea sit up straight again, staring into eyes flooding with tears. “You need to rest, Linnea. Forget everything for a while and just sleep, okay?” An arm still around her, Maren holds Linnea tighter as she leans into her and rests a head against her shoulder.

  From the window, Maren hears the sky boom with thunder and flash with lightning. Linnea sleeps through it all, her chest rising and falling evenly with every breath. Maren doesn’t remember when, but at some point darkness takes over and she passes out.

  The next morning, Maren wakes up lying against the bench, a killer cramp stabbing through her neck. Linnea is nowhere to be seen — not on the bench, not in the hallways, not in the still-sleeping Sula’s ward. The clock on her phone reads 10:43 a.m..

  Ding!

  She looks down at her screen, almost dropping her phone when she realises it’s a text from Linnea. 

  Linn   Thank you for staying with me. 

…

  The eighth time Maren sees her, the sky is bright and so is she. Three days after spending the night with Linnea, neither girls hear from each other again until Wednesday, when Sula is discharged from the hospital. Maren receives a text message from Linnea at eight in the evening, grinning madly when she reads it.

  Linn   Sula’s home today. Come over and have dinner with us, okay? I’m cooking.

  She runs for Linnea’s apartment complex as fast as her legs can carry, almost getting run over by some driver who flips her off through the window. Maren arrives at the building in less than ten minutes, out of breath and grinning like crazy. She presses the buttons on the speaker panel, listening as it crackles, before Linnea’s voice sounds over the static. “Hello?”

  “Hey, it’s Maren,” she says. “I saw your text, so, uh… yeah.”

  The door clicks open and Maren dashes inside.

  She knocks on the door of Linnea’s flat, waiting for what seems like forever until she opens the door. Then Linnea steps into the doorway, and Maren freezes.

  No more dull clothes mirroring the dull sky — now Linnea is wearing all-blue as clear as a summer day, a sailor-collared shirt and matching skirt, eyes sparkling and the faintest hint of a smile on her face. Even her clip seems brighter. “Hi, Maren,” she says.

  She doesn’t reply, trying to remember how to breathe again. 

  Linnea rolls her eyes and grabs Maren’s hand, pulling her into the apartment. 

  Sula waves from a sofa, tapping away on a laptop with a similar smile. She isn’t coughing any more, her face no longer sallow. A bright flash shows up on the screen and she gives a tiny cheer. Linnea heads for the kitchen, humming quietly to herself.

  Their parents are nowhere to be seen. Maren, remembering what Linnea told her, stays quiet, flopping down on the sofa next to Sula. “Hey.”

  “Hey, Maren.” She’s playing a computer game, looking away from shooting demons for a while to glance at the older girl. “Thanks for coming over. You’ve made Linn a lot happier, you know. She smiles much more now.”

  “And you’re feeling better, right?”

  She nods, blowing up enemies with a flourish. “I get to go back to school tomorrow, but a lot of my friends dropped by today. The homework’s going to be a nightmare to catch up with, but hey, at least I’m alive, unfortunately.”

  “Unfortunately?”

  Linnea appears out of the kitchen before Sula can reply, holding a steaming pot with mitten-clad hands. “Dinner’s ready.”

  She passes plates of food to Sula and Maren before serving herself. “I haven’t made raspeballer in a while, so I hope it turns out fine.”

  Sula polishes off two plates of the potato dumplings, holding her plate out for a third. “I haven’t had your cooking in so long,” she quips. “And the hospital food was trash.”

  “You excited for school tomorrow?” Maren asks.

  “Excited to see my friends, yeah, but not for, y’know, school. I’m going to ask Ka Yu if I can copy all the homework I missed.”

  “You’re not copying anyone’s homework,” Linnea says, cutting into a piece of meat. 

  “Not even for math?”

  “Especially not for math.”

  “I mean, you’ve been sick for a while, so you can kinda copy,” Maren says. 

  Linnea glares at her.

  They finish the rest of their dinner talking, laughing. Sula goes back to her computer game after dinner, calling her friends while playing. Linnea and Maren sit side by side on the sofa, and Linnea rests her head on Maren’s shoulder like she did before. “Thank you,” she murmurs. 

  “For what?”

  “For keeping my hopes up these two weeks, and making me happy. Sula was hospitalised for almost a month, and I was failing classes to take care of her. Thank you for helping me out.”

  “You're welcome?”

  “And I noticed something, since you’ve been coming to the hospital with me.” Linnea sits up and turns so that she’s facing Maren. “Maren, do you like me?”

  Maren fervently glances at Sula, still engrossed in her phone conversation, before making eye contact with Linnea, deciding to be honest. “Yeah, I like you. In that way.”

  She smiles, inching closer still. “I like you too, you know.”

  “I, uh…” Maren finds herself getting lost in Linnea’s eyes, intoxicating and dizzying. “A-Are you asking me out?”

  Linnea nods, a blush slowly spreading across her face.

  “Well, I mean, I like you and you like me so we could totally date, and, so…” her face feels hot when she realises she’s rambling. “Yes, I’m so going out with you.”

  And suddenly Linnea is kissing her, lips against hers and slow and sweet and Maren feels like her heart has stopped, perhaps she’s died and gone to heaven because it feels like an angel is kissing her—

  Linnea’s face is bright red when she pulls away and she ducks her head, avoiding eye contact with Maren. “Sorry,” she mutters. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

  She wraps an arm around Linnea’s waist and pulls her closer, lifting her chin so that their noses are almost touching. And they kiss again, Linnea melting into Maren’s touch. She doesn’t say it, but the message is clear in her eyes: “I love you.”

…

  Maren stops counting the days they meet after that. She stops looking at the sky too, for every day it’s a breathtaking blue.

[holycalum]

vice (c.h.) part 4!

summary- (y/n) returns home and things get kinda bad before they get good. 

word count- 4.5k+

a/n- ok WOW so vice is over this is the last part wowwowow. i’m so glad so many people enjoyed reading this because i loved writing it and im so happy with how it turned out. thanks so much for reading ALSO im so very sorry i have idea how college works im a high school student i dont know anything ok bye

part 1 part 2 part 3

the days leading up to my return to school were blurred together. but they day i did return was crystal clear. 

i swung the door to my dorm open, greeted by only samantha, but no sign of britt.

“hey,” i sighed, plopping down on my bed, i toyed with the ring on my finger nervously. 

“what is that?” samantha asked, noticing the diamond first, not bothering to greet me. she strided towards me, grabbing my hand, eyes blown wide at the sight of the diamond. “(y/n)...”

“i don’t wanna talk about it,” i mumbled, wiggling my hand out of her grip. it didn’t look right on my hand, it was too much. 

“you’re engaged.” she deadpanned, dropping her hands from mine. i bit my lip hard, trying not to scream, i wanted to keep it to myself so it didn’t have to be real. “have you told your toy?”

“what?” i cautioned, whipping my head towards her. my eyes turned to slits. “calum.” she stated, “can’t go around fucking around-well fucking him-with him anymore-you’re engaged.” i tensed up at the weight of the situation. 

“i don’t wanna-“

she cut me off, “hurt him?” she jabbed, eyebrows raised in a condescending manner. “you did that when you got involved with him, when you knew this could happen.” i clenched my jaw, eyes staring straight into her forehead. it felt like everyone was against me. 

i got up slowly, raking my fingers through my hairs. tears brimmed in my eyes at my swarming thoughts, it was all too much. 

“i need a minute...” i murmured, already halfway out of the door. the air was bitter and it nipped at my skin harshly. i pulled out my phone, dialing calum’s number. 

“hey, sunshine.” he beamed, and i could hear the smile in his voice, it almost made me forget about the weight on my ring finger. 

“when do you get home?” i asked, biting my thumb nail. 

“i’m home now,” he answered, relaxing my body further. “why, what’s up?”

“you promised you’d see me when i got back,” i reminded him, and i could hear him chuckle on the other line. 

“should i stop by your place to pick you up?” he asked, 

i smiled, “yeah, i’d like that.” i made my way back to my room, and i watched as my ring glinted in the sunlight and bounced off the snow on the ground. it was pretty, but it made me feel so ugly. i stepped into the bathroom, avoiding samantha, so i could freshen up before calum picked me up. 

i took longer than usual, and it wasn’t a problem until i heard the door open, and i floated towards the entry way, eager to see calum. i stopped dead in my track when i heard samantha begin to speak. 

“what are you doing here?” she spat, the words rolling off her tongue like they’d kill her if she held it in any longer. 

calum paused, “i’m here to pick up, (y/n)...” he answers hesitantly, and i felt frozen in my spot. 

“calum, honestly,” she snorted, “do you not get it?” every word she spoke sent nails into my feet, keeping me in one place. 

“i’m confused,” i pressed my ear up against the wall separating us. “i thought you were her friend.”

“i am, that’s why i think i should do this,” she began, “she’s not in this for the right reasons. none of us think it’s fair she has to marry david, but none of us can change that, and she’s using you.”

“what do you mean, using me?” he sneers,

“you’re a distraction, obviously.” she retorted, “look at her, look at yourself. you’re everything her parents would absolutely hate. this is her way of getting back at her parents without them ever knowing.”

“you don’t know the half of what we even do,” calum said, “how would you even know.”

“all i’m saying is,” she lowered her voice, “engaged girls don’t start real relationships because she cares about the other person, it’s because they’re unhappy, and they need a distraction.” i ripped the nails in my feet out to stand where the two were discussing, eyes watering. 

“samantha...” i croaked, my voice pleading her to stop. i looked at calum, his face dropping. 

“you’re engaged?” he muttered, and my arms felt heavy. his eyes trailed down to my hand, his face went pale. “you really are.”

“calum it’s-“

“it’s over then? right?” his voice was shaking, chest heaving, while mine tightened in fear. 

“no calum- wait.” i sputtered, trying to reach out to him. he pulled his shoulder back, as if touching me would set off a ticking time bomb. 

“there’s no ‘wait’, (y/n). this is the way it has to be. right?” he waited for my answer, but i had none. “right?” he repeated, louder that time, making me shrink into myself a bit. 

samantha stood there, arms crossed against her chest, green eyes piercing into mine. it felt like she was communicating finish him, with only a look. 

“this isn’t how i wanted this to go,” i said weakly, all feeling leaving my body. 

“yeah...” calum said bleakly, “too late.” with those words he left, slamming the door behind him. my stomach dropped as soon as the slam traveled through the room. my knees almost gave out, and my mouth hung open. 

“calum!” i squeaked, taking one long step towards the door, but samantha stopped me by my shoulders.

“you’re gonna make things worse.” i stared straight through her.

i made a b-line to my bed, falling into it, my body completely hollow. burying myself under my covers and surrounding myself with soft pillows i tried to dull the sharp edges of my thoughts. i laid staring at the wall, gripping a small pillow close to my chest, only movement being blinking, and the occasional sniffle. samantha left, and i didn’t notice until i let my tears fall freely, dripping onto the pillow, creating a growing wet spot, and that no one was there to ask if i was ok or not. 

“oh no...” britts voice followed the door opening, a while later, “(y/n).”

“it hurts to breath,” i mumbled, not looking at her, i felt the bed dip. 

“what happened,” her voice lulled quietly, a hand now splayed across my shoulder. 

“samantha spewed bullshit to calum and we fought and he left and i’m engaged and i’m never gonna be fucking happy.” i repeated, not once breaking my starting contest with the wall. i felt her hand stroke my hair, the feeling hardly penetrated through my numbness. “he won’t even listen to me, but why should he? what’s the point? there’s no point.”

“don’t say that, babe.” britt whispered, her soft voice hushed. 

“it’s ok, britt.” i assured her, “i got it now, i’m just meant to be with david. i hurt anyone else too much.”

i spent the next few days in bed, feeling too heavy to even get up. i couldn’t muster the strength to roll out of bed to even shower, or eat. i looked a mess, but i couldn’t care. the days and nights melded together, throwing me for a loop every time i woke up from another nap. my classes had been avoided, but it didn’t matter, it wouldn’t matter in the end. 

wednesday rolled around, the time i’d usually take to walk with calum to our morning lecture, was instead filled with the same thing i’d been doing, laying i bed. the thought made my body sink into my bed further. the whole time i was awake i was uncomfortable, too hot, too cold, not in the right position, so i slept as much as possible, trying to minimize the time in between. while i dreamt i didn’t have anything to do, just whatever my brain made up. 

i watched the time tick by during my scheduled lecture, imagining what calum could be doing, how we was, how he felt. 

i decided i wanted to go home, to just drop out and give in. there was nothing left for me here, my fate was sealed with the diamond on my finger. staying there was hurting far too much. it seemed like my mom was right all along. i simply wanted to forget about everything. 

my phone found itself in my hand, as soon as my wednesday lecture should’ve ended. i got ready to call my mom, to tell her i’d come home. as if it was on cue, calum’s contact popped up, accompanied by the once endearing, but now nearly anxiety inducing ringtone he’d chosen for himself. 

“hello?” i rasped, scrunching my eyebrows. holding the phone up to my ear was the most i’d done in days. 

“you weren’t in class today.” he stated,

“i thought you didn’t care,” i mumbled,

“you weren’t in class today,” he repeated and i wanted to bang my head against a wall. 

i sighed, “yes, i’m aware.”

“are you ok?”

“no.” i stated, “i thought you didn’t care.”

“obviously i still care, (y/n).” he spat coldly, and i could picture him standing outside our lecture hall, a frown on his face with his toned arms across his chest, he could be such a child sometimes. 

“ok so you called me, now what? if you’re just gonna be a dick about it-“

“shut up for a second,” he snapped, and i was too tired to argue back, “i’m not out to get you.”

“why’d you call?” i asked finally, flopping my opposite hand on my lap, examining my ring. 

“i was worried.” he answered, “can we talk?”

“i thought you didn’t want to talk,” i grit my teeth, a headache forming between my puffy eyes. 

“i don’t want to,” he breathed, “but i feel like maybe we should.”

“why?”

“it’s fucking hard to stay away from you, sunshine.” it was an out of body experience, being called sunshine after being deprived of the nickname for so long. i was almost giddy. 

i was convinced the only reason i dragged myself out of bed and to the shower was because of calum, and my incredible ability to not say no to him. it did feel good, to shower and feel things other than my bed sheets. 

i looked like hell as i trekked from my dorm to calum’s apartment. the freezing winter air nipped at my already raw nose. when i was finally buzzed into cal’s apartment, beads of sweat formed on my face from the sudden change in temperature and nerves coursing through my body. 

calum’s face appeared in front of me, daunting stature looming over mine. my breath hitched in my throat. 

“come in,” he murmured, stepping to the side awkwardly, the air surrounding us was unlike what it usually was when we were at calum’s apartment. “ash isn’t home.”

“since when have you lived with ashton?” my heart sped up, this was too much.  

“since forever,” he rolled his eyes, making his way to the kitchen, he was draped in a green sweatshirt, hood pulled over his curls. “why, do you secretly have a serious relationship with him too?”

“don’t start with me, calum.” i warned, already feeling my neck heat up in anger. “david was never a secret, you knew as well as i did.”

“whatever,” he grumbled, snatching a water bottle from his fridge, clutching it tightly. 

“calum,” i breathed, “don’t shut me out. you asked me to come over.” he gripped the bottle tighter. 

“give me one single fucking reason i shouldn’t.” he said through gritted teeth, finally making eye contact with me. 

my mouth fell open, “i-i don’t,” i stammered, not being able to find the words to tell him to just talk to me. “you asked me to come over.” he scoffed,

“this isn’t just my fault,” i started, “you got into this just as much as i did, you wanted to talk-here i am.”

“did i? because i feel like i’m a whole lot more involved than you are.” he laughed bitterly, ignoring my answer. 

“what? do you think i was faking it?” i raised my voice, my skin crawling underneath my jacket, i shrugged it off. 

“well i for one-“ he slammed his hands on the counter, the water bottle never leaving, “didn’t get engaged over winter break, so there’s that.” he was only adding fuel to the fire. 

“and you know it’s not real,” i whined, “not like this cal, you know that. you know i was scared it’d happen.”

he pulled his lips into a tight line, “so why am i to believe that this,” he gestured between the two of us, “isn’t as real as what you have with him.”

“so, you do think i lied to you,” i scoffed, sucking in my bottom lip, biting down harshly. 

“i don’t know what i think!” he yelled, fingers tugging at his hair. “i think i’m fucking mad at you! i’m fucking mad at myself.” the bottle in hand was dangerously squeezed between his fingers, it would burst at any moment. angry tears burned in my eyes.

“i trusted you,” he tensed, fingers white around the bottle. “i thought-“

“i’m not lying, i never was, i didn’t have anything to lie about.” i rambled. 

he chuckled, “you have no idea what you could’ve lied about.” 

“and i wasn’t,” i protested,

“why shouldn’t i believe i was just a time filler, someone to distract you while you have a whole life set up?”

“because you weren’t,-“

“i get it, sunshine,” the name didn’t sound sweet like honey anymore, it stung, “you wanna piss of your parents right? scare them a little bit, get out of this marriage and then move on? that’s what you wanted, that’s what you’ve always wanted,”

“you sound fucking insane right now,” i spat, not believing the words i was hearing. i could barely find any words to respond. 

“i can’t do this anymore, not with you.” he said, he wasn’t looking at me anymore, his eyes were focused on the wall behind me, “i can’t sit by and do nothing when you’re suffering so much. there’s nothing i can do...” his voice was wavering, but i could tell he tried to pretend it wasn’t. his eyes were glassed over, clearly overwhelmed. 

“was that the point of this? to yell at me?” i screamed in his face, a finger jabbing at my own chest. “you wanted to make me feel shittier than i already do?” the crushing sound of plastic filled my ears as calum’s eyes burned with fire. 

“are you even listening to me right now?” i shouted, “why are you doing this? you’re just rambling about nothing-“

“because i can’t do this,” he snapped, “are you listening to me? you’re hurting me, and every minute you stand here broken in front of me, it kills me. you hurt me, (y/n). i let you in, and it hurt me.” 

i let out a frustrated shout, “why are we talking right now then?” he swallowed hard, “if i’m just hurting you? why am i here? to yell at me? is that it?” my words were slow. i waited for a response and got none. “tell me calum! you’re not the only one hurting.”

“you’re yelling at me too, why’d you agree? to yell at me?” he mocked, and it made my skin crawl.

“you make me so angry,” i cried, rubbing my face harshly. “i’m trying to fucking move on. then you come back, every fucking time i don’t want to see you at all, and you make me rethink every damn thing. i wanna go home, calum. and i was ready to and now i’m standing here instead of packing my shit.” my thoughts were moving a million miles a minute, and i couldn’t slow down. 

“so you’re just gonna leave?” he growled, slamming the water bottle down onto the table hard, sending the cap flying across the room, and water down the sides of the counter. “i’m in fucking love with you, (y/n) and there’s nothing i can do about it, maybe that’s why i called you, to get some fucking closure, i couldn’t really tell you.”

next thing i knew, i was hurdling a plate at the wall behind calum, watching it shatter into a million pieces. 

“fuck,” i gasped, feeling my legs give out underneath me. my face landed in my palms, and tears ran down the sides of my hands as i collapsed into a chair. “fuck you,” i cried, 

“what the hell, (y/n)?” calum gritted, looking between me and the shattered ceramic on the floor behind him. 

“you didn’t have to say that,” i sobbed, my heart absolutely full in the worst way. i ran my hands through my hair, looking at calum with glassy eyes. 

he clenched his jaw, “say what? that i’m in love with you. i love you. i’m sorry, it’s what it fucking is, it doesn’t matter anyway. you always said that it doesn’t matter, this is how it is. you wanna fucking leave anyways,”

“what else am i supposed to do? one minute you’re telling me to leave you alone, and then you’re telling me to come over and now we’re fighting because we’re hurt.” i tried to piece everything together in my head, and i couldn’t find a single answer, “you keep saying we can’t do anything about this, but you keep talking and you keep dragging me along, calum. what do you want,”

“i want you to say it back,” his hands gripped the sides of his wet counter, “you say it back and i’m yours.” his voice was desperate and broken. 

“what?” i spit, “you were yelling at me ten seconds ago.” 

“say you love me too, and i’m yours.”

“calum what are you on?” a lump growing in my throat, “you know i can’t do that,” a tear rolled down my cheek. 

“you can leave if you really want to,” he bit down on his bottom lip, “but i know you don’t want to, what do you want, (y/n)? that’s what matters, you can control that.”

“calum,” i pleaded, “you’re making this so much harder.”

he kept his eyes glued to the table top, “you always say you wish it were different,” the silence between his words were filled with the sound of a steady drip of water onto the floor. “you don’t have to wish you can make it different-“

“it’s just how it is-“

“but it’s not,” he explodes, finally looking at me, “it’s not how it is, not right now, and we can figure something out, we can do whatever you want, this is your fucking life.” 

“i’m scared,” i admitted, and then was in front of me, standing over me as i sat on one of his chairs. it was a complete no-brainer, but my head was on high alert, using all of its willpower to get me to walk away. 

“yeah, i’m scared too,” calum breathed, “(y/n) i don’t think you get it, i don’t do this for people. i do this for you, and that’s not nothing. i want you, i want all of you.”

“are you sure,” i carefully stepped around my words, trying not to set him off again. 

“please just say it back,” he pleaded, making my stomach twist. i fiddled with the ring on my finger, swirling it around my finger nervously. “i’ve literally never been so sure about anything in my life, you almost took my head off with a plate and i’m standing here, begging you to say you love me back, sunshine.”

“i love you,” i gave up, letting the waves of calum consume me completely, my ring fell to the floor with a quiet thump. “i love you. i love you.”

his lips were on mine, pushing the dark cloud above my head far away from us. our bodies curved together, leaving as little space as possible in our position. he pulled away, 

“i love you,” he whispered against my lips, breath fanning over my face. i let my hands splay across his flushed cheeks, rubbing my thumb against his skin. i pulled him back into me by his jaw, wanting nothing more than to feel him love me. “i’m so sorry, i love you.” he gripped my arms tightly as if i’d slip like sand through his fingers. our exchange was a silent agreement to make it work, to find something in the darkness. 

calum’s presence enveloped me as we sat against his headboard, bodies intertwined. the ring was long forgotten about, not moving from its place on the floor of calum’s kitchen with the broken plate and dripping water. 

“i think we should talk,” he began slowly, “not scream at each other, talk.”

“yeah,” i sighed, fingers intertwining his, the warmth sending feeling throughout my whole body. “it wasn’t fake, cal. it never was, please know it was all real, realist i’ve ever had.”

his fingers were gentle as he ran a hand through my hair, “i know,” his movement stilled, “i was just scared, i don’t know. i don’t let people in like that, i just-“

“jump to conclusions,” i joked, and he grinned a bit.

“yeah,” he chuckled, wiping the corner of his eye, “i did.”

“it wasn’t just you- i was, i didn’t think it through. i should’ve told you,” i twirled a finger around his, tracing the dark words on his hands. “i didn’t know what to do, i mean shit- i still don’t. i’m still engaged.”

“i know,” he acknowledged, “it’s shitty, but if you don’t want it, i’ll help you. i’ll do whatever i can,” i smiled to myself, letting my eyes shut. 

“you make me feel like a person,” i whispered, glancing up at him. “it’s so much different, being with you. i feel like i’m growing, yanno?” being with calum made me realize i was more than a girl bound to a boy from a small town. i was me, and i could be whoever i wanted. 

i laughed, shaking my head, “that sounds kinda stupid.” he pulled me closer to his chest,

“it doesn’t,” he mumbled against my head, leaving a lingering kiss there. “you could sell the ring, you know?”

“what?” i scrunched my eyebrows, pulling away to look at him. 

“the ring,” he nodded, “it was a gift, technically. he proposed on christmas eve. legally, that ring is yours to do whatever you want.”

i giggled, “what, you wanna buy a pig with the money?” 

“i’m just saying,” he smiled, suddenly lighting up, “after we graduate, we can get a place and stuff and our own couch-“

“our own place?” i repeated, 

he brushed a piece of hair out of my face and smiled widely, “why not?”

“well,” i chewed my bottom lip, a smile playing on them, “i have an engagement to call off.” nothing in my life had felt more right than that, the weight lifting off my chest at those words were worth everything. 

“this is real,” calum bumped our foreheads together.

“i’m ok with it though,” calum connected our lips briefly, “i’m happy with it.” “i’m not happy with you,” my mother growled over the phone, later that night. i was stood in the middle of calum’s kitchen, it was late. calum had fallen asleep not long before i decided i couldn’t wait any longer. i held the ring between my fingers. 

“mom,” i shut my eyes, setting the ring down. “i can’t- i can’t pretend for the rest of my life.” 

“(y/n)...you don’t even know! you wouldn’t even know you’re pretending.” she tried to reason with me,

“are you hearing yourself? that’s so manipulative.” i fought, trying to keep my voice low. “come on mom,”

“are you really that unhappy?”

“no,” i smiled, “i’m not, because i-“

“you what?” she sounded worried, “don’t tell me you met someone.”

“i met someone, mom.” i finished, my heart full at the thought of calum sleeping peacefully only a room over. “and i’m so happy, and i can’t bear the thought of not feeling like that. even if it’s not with him forever,”

“you can’t feel that with david?”

“no,” i answered, “i love someone, and i love that this person wants me to be me and grow and live. i have more to offer than whatever i could give david.” “i just-“ she was speechless, 

“have you told david?” i breathed a sigh of relief at her words, 

“not yet,” i whispered, playing with the ring. “i wanted to talk to my mom first.”

“i think you should call him,” she paused, “i want you to call him.”

“ok,” i smiled, and hung up. allowing myself a moment to breath before i called david. 

“sounded heavy.” i almost screamed when i turned around and saw ashton leaning against the wall. 

“ashton,” i tried to recover smoothly, stretching my arms behind me, “hey.”

“you’re (y/n),” he held a hand out, “calum talks about you.” i shook his hand cautiously,

i smirked, “good things i hope?”

“most of the time,” he chuckled, 

“yeah...” i glanced to his bedroom door, “i don’t blame him, i can be a handful.” a friendly smile spread across ashton’s face. 

“nothing he can’t handle,” he shrugged, “seems to be smitten with you, i’m sure he’ll survive. happily, if i may add.” 

“i hope so,” a blush creeping onto my cheeks, at the thought of calum instead of ashton, surprisingly. “kinda breaking off an engagement for him, it’d be nice if he did his part.”

ashton raised his eyebrows, “shit,” he mumbled, “wasn’t filled in on that part, wondered why cal was so quiet.” i clicked my phone on and off,

“i messed up,” i huffed, “i’m gonna try and fix it thought, for calum.” 

“i’ll leave you to it then,” ashton waved and made his way to the opposite end of the apartment.

i called david, and set the phone on the counter leaving it on speaker. i got to work picking up the broken piece of the plate on the floor as i waited for him to answer the phone

“(y/n)?” david questioned, “you never call me, what’s up?”

“we need to talk,” i spoke, gathering the bigger pieces in my hand first, careful not to cut myself.

“about?”

“we’re not getting married.” i spoke, throwing the largest pieces away. david was silent on the other end. 

“why?” he spat, voice raising. i rolled my eyes at his volume, and held the phone to my ear, sandwiched between my shoulder and ear. 

“i don’t love you david, not like that.” i swept up the smaller shards, making sure the floor was clean. “i need to be my own person, and we just aren’t meant to work.”

“so what are you saying?”

“i’m saying,” i dropped the piece in the trash, “it’s over. we’re not engaged, we’re not getting married.”

“well,” he said, “ok.” and he hung up, leaving me with a ring and a clean floor. i quickly wiped up the water on the counter and floor, before creeping back into calum’s room. i slid back into bed as quietly as possible. 

calum rolled over to face me, “where’d you go?” he muttered sleepily, a yawn escaping his lips. 

“i had to clean up,” i whispered, brushing a curl back. he wrapped warm arms around me, 

“didn’t have to do that,” he said into my neck, leaving a sweet kiss. 

“don’t worry about it, sleepy boy.” i scratched his head lightly, “let’s go to bed.” 

i laid next to calum that night, and many after that as well. 

a/n- well now its really over wow that makes me emo thanks so much for reading means a lot i hope you liked it and i hope you don’t hate the ending (((: IF UR NOT DONE W ME !!! feel free to send requests or follow me to see other stuff i defo plan on writing (; ok love u bye thank you bye 

TAGS: @blxndeprincess @pancahke @tittymuncher69 @rexorangecouny

[somenhlfics]

TITLE: Mini Heart Attack WORD COUNT: 1,321 PLAYER: David Pastrnak SUMMARY: You come home early from a study group and David sits you down to have A Talk.  NOTE: Hi guys!!!!! Before I get into it all I just gotta say some things because I dont want any confusion or whatever. Basically I’m really new to the nhl and players and all that, so my take of personalities is not the greatest on account of I dont really know anyone well enough yet. I’ve also never written anything before. This is probably all a mess but I’ve been thinking about this thing with David for like a few days and I just HAD to write it so!!! Lmao if it’s shit you can tell me on anon and we’ll forget this ever happened 👀

The idea of leaving study group early to go home and lay on the couch with David was such a great idea, until the reality sets in of dragging your overstuffed back from where you parked, two houses away, up to the front door. You all but kick it into the door, making a horrific cracking sound. There goes the surprise entry. 

You unlock the door and kick the book bag into it, which pushes the door wide open. Suddenly there's a thud and some rustling, and then there's David. He pushes your bag away from the door, allowing it to shut, and wraps you into his Classic Cuddle. You wrap your arms around of as much of him as you can before you just start clinging to his shirt for dear life, his weird swaying suddenly rocking your both into the wall. Neither of you put an arm out to brace for impact, mostly because you cant see and if you let go of his shirt you'll probably fall over.

David pulls back, smiling at you like he's waiting for you to give him something. You smile back, quickly rushing through your last conversation double checking you didn’t promise to stop off for anything. "We need to have a kitchen meeting," David says. "As friends." You laugh, a bit worried, but mostly relieved that you hadn't forgotten anything. You're about to question him on what the talk is going to be about, but notice he's going into the lounge room and not the kitchen. You grab the strap of your book bag and drag it into the lounge room behind him, attempting to fling it up onto the chair. It doesn’t work, of course, and your books fall out onto the floor. One book comes out with enough speed that when it hits the planter pot beside the chair the whole plant shakes and David looks at it concerned. God forbid you hurt James. The plant was yours coming into the relationship, the name came from David after you left him in charge of plant care while you went home for the weekend. All weekend you heard about the movie marathons, the pizza night, the gossiping with his friend James. You were pretty excited about this new friend, not as excited to be in your lounge room shaking 'hands' with James. On one hand you were realising you really were in love and on the other, you were realising David really needed more friends.  "What's up, my friend?" You ask David, hoping to this time get a hint. 'Friend Meetings' were something you two had started when David was going through some things with his friends. It was a way of removing the relationship from the conversation, taking the pressure off honest advice. He didn't want you to hug him and tell him it was all going to be ok, he wanted you to be honest and tell him he fucked up, badly, and that maybe some things cant be fixed. You walk through to the kitchen and he follows behind. You sit at the island bench in the middle of the kitchen and David leaves a chair between the two of you. David leans forward onto the counter and starts tapping his fingers.  "I couldn't stop thinking about someone today," David starts and suddenly your urge to start laughing stops. Maybe this is more serious than you though. Maybe you're about to be mad. "Long dark hair, weird laugh, this girl," he continues. You can't help but look down at yourself, your blonde hair skimming your shoulders. Maybe leaving study group early to lay on the couch with David was a horrible idea. "David," you say, pausing mainly because you really are speechless. There was no signs that David had been with anyone else. He'd been his usual self. Constantly had a hand on you, always trying to make out, trying to spend every second with you. Just last week he'd turned up to your study group with a pile of sports magazines. Though after ten minutes of him laughing at the moustaches he'd drawn on the British swimming team you'd convinced him this was a girls only study group. "I was thinking about her while you were out, thinking about running my fingers through her hair," he says. He's looking at you, but his face is blank. He doesn’t look sad, or sorry, or even upset. Maybe he's practised this a thousand times, now well rehearsed on the big confession.  You look down at your lap where you hands are frantically rubbing the fabric of your dress against your thumb nails.  "David," you say again, still with nothing else to say. You can’t bring yourself to look over at him again. "Then I was thinking about how beautiful she looked when she came home one day with her hair cut short," he says, and you can hear the change in his voice. You still refuse to look up at him, but now you're suspicious.  "Then all of a sudden I come home from a game away and this beautiful girl has blonde hair," he's laughing now, reaching out for you. Without a second thought you smack his arms away, his laugh filling the kitchen.  "I hate you, SO much," you say, trying to lean away from him as he stands up and drags your chair towards him. "I really just nearly had a heart attack David!"  He squishes you into his chest as he kisses the top of your head and you can feel him shaking with laughter he's trying to suppress.  "I was looking at pictures from when we met and you looked so beautiful and then I remembered when you cut your hair and you were like," he opens his mouth and flops his tongue out to the side, rolling his eyes around. "Oh god so beautiful, my beautiful girlfriend the model," he says, still acting like he didn’t just attempt to send you into cardiac arrest.  "David," you try to start, but he cuts you off with The Face. The Fish Face to be precise. It's his favourite thing to do to your face, besides fuck it. He cups your cheeks and squishes them together, your lips sticking out like fish lips. He gently kisses them before releasing your cheeks a bit, but keeping his hands on your face. "I love you, so much David, but you really test me." You're trying to sound tough but you know it's not working. Mostly it's The Fish Face that's ruining your attempt at a tough girl image.  "I love you too, obviously," he says, squishing your cheeks again and kissing your Fish Lips. The kiss is bit harder this time and you lean up into it, his hands releasing again.  You pull back, looking up at him. "You know what my next colour is going to be?" "Tell me," he says, squishing your cheeks again. "Goddamn grey if you keep doing this to me," you say, trying to scrunch your brow. Another attempt at a tough girl image foiled by The Fish Face.  "Silver is a fast colour," he kisses your lips gently before speaking again. "Think of how fast you might run!" he says, one more kiss after. You try to blow a raspberry but The Fish Face will only allow for a bit of dribble to bubble out of your mouth and start making its way down your chin. David, in true David form, licks it up and kisses you one last time before he's gone, laughing his way back into the lounge room. You slowly pull yourself off the chair and peak around into the lounge room, looking for your favourite weirdo.  He's flat on his back sprawled out on the couch, patting his chest and wiggling his eyebrows. Now this is what you came home early for. He spreads his legs to make room for you as you smile, mostly to yourself, because you really are in love. 

[devilishly-oya-blog]

MC’s Journal - Jaehee X MC

(READ PREVIOUS JOURNAL ENTRES)

Entre #22

I was anxious and excited to go to school this morning. After stopping by Jaehee’s house last night, I almost got no sleep. I spent almost the entire night in bed with my eyes wide open, just thinking about how today would go. But I went from happy and anxious to pissed.

Fucking pissed and annoyed.

For the first half of the day, I was just waiting for her to come up and talk to me. And Seven would not stop bugging me to just go up and talk to her, but I didn't wanna seem desperate.

“That’s too much, Seven!” “No it’s not! All you're doing is staring a friendly conversation with her. You’ll then move a bit out of each others comfort zones. You’ll stroke her arm,” Seven stroked my arm, “and then you’ll slowly lean in and whisper in her ear,” Seven leaned it, “let’s fuck in the bathroom.”

I slapped that fucker and all he could do was laugh. I slammed my locker door shut and we walked to the cafeteria together, since this was right before lunch.

So there we sat at our table, Seven eating his Honey Buddha chips and me just sitting there, drinking some crappy soda that the school’s vending machine sold.

“Maybe you can pull a Christian Grey. You’ll seduce her in a mysterious way, leaving her wanting for more. Then you’ll catch her off guard by revealing your true, sexy self.”

wtf.

“What’s my true self?”

“I don’t fucking know.” Such help.

“Fine. What’s Christian Grey’s true self?” I could care less. But Seven seemed almost ready to pull out a 12 slide powerpoint presentation to explain this to me.

“Dark, sexy, mysterious, hot as fuck, attractively kinky. Oooo the way he flipped Anastasia on that bed like she was a french fry on a stove ready to be flipped. God, I want him to do that to me.”

“Yeah? Well, I’m no Christian Grey. And Jaehee is no Anastasia Steele.” Seven’s eyes trailed behind me and he suddenly looked shocked.  

“OH! JAEHEE! WHAT A PLEASANT SURRISE!” Clearly, I’m not amused. “Haha. How funny. There’s just no chance, Seven. It’s never gonna happ-“ “Hey.”

I FELT MY TITTIES POP OUT OF MY BRA. BECAUSE SURE ENOUGH, JAEHEE KANG WAS STANDING RIGT BEHIND ME.  

“Mind if I sit here?” I couldn't come to form any fucking words. Thankfully, Seven answered for me.

“Why, of course not!”

of course. OF COURSE SHE HAD TO SIT NEXT TO ME. AS IF MY HEART WASNT ABOUT TO JUST STOP FUCKING BEATING. So, now I’m back to happy and anxious.

For the rest of lunch, I was internally freaking out. I stumbled over almost every single word that came out of my mouth. But SHE SAT WITH ME AT LUNCH. And that’s all I was waiting for.

Entre #22

BITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCH. SHE ASKED FOR MY PHONE NUMBER. I WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE THE SCHOOL TO WALK HOME WITH SEVEN AND SHE CAME, OUT OF BREATH, TO ME. SHE RAN TO FIND ME.

WHEN I HEARD “can i get your phone number?” COME OUT OF HER MOUTH. UGHHHHHHHH. I WANTED TO SCREAM. FUCK I’M SO HAPPY I COULD CRY. FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

Entre #23

I dont know if this is real life. I DONT FUCKING KNOW. THIS WEEK HAS GONE WAYYY TOO GOOD. I’M ENJOYING IT TOO MUCH. WAYY TOO MUCH. FIRST, I LITERALLY STOP BY HER HOUSE TO RETURN HER STUFF. THEN, SHE SITS WITH ME AT LUNCH. THEN, SHE ASKS FOR MY FUCKING PHONE NUMBER. THEN, IT BECOMES A HABIT FOR US TO TEXT AND SIT TOGETHER AT LUNCH EVERY DAY. AND NOW SHE HAS GOTTEN HER SCHEDULE CHANGED, IS IN MY LITERATURE CLASS, AND IS MY PARTNER FOR. PROJECT. HOW.

I’ve always hated my literature class. ALWAYS. Never liked it when I was in elementary, never liked it when I was in middle school, and even now as a high schooler, I still don't like it. So I’m just sitting in my usual seat in the back of the class next to Seven. What was I doing? I don't fucking know.

“Students, we have a student who has switched into this class! Please introduce yourself.”

Did I care? No. People switch their classes all the time.

“Hello. I’m Jaehee Kang.”

Well, I didn't care until I heard that. The rest sort of blanked out. BECAUSE JAEHEE MOTHERFUCKING KANG WAS NOW IN MY LITERATURE CLASS. I looked over at Seven. I was fucking shook.

“Well Jaehee, you can go have a seat. There’s an empty seat right next to MC over there in the back.” Jaehee looked over in my direction and we made DIRECT EYE CONTACT. She smiled at me, and as calmly as I could, I smiled back at her. As she made her way over to the seat next to me, I looked over at Seven. He was giving me a thumbs up and mouthing ‘get that pussy’.

For most of the class, I was trying not to look over to her. I felt like if I did, I wouldn't be able to get my eyes off her after.

“So since this is one of the biggest novels we will be reading this year, I will be assigning you guys a project. A pretty big project. It will be worth most of your grade in my class for this semester.” Almost everyone in the class groaned.

“I am going to be giving you guys 5 minutes to choose your partners. I’m only allowing pairs of 2, so don't try getting creative.”

Usually, picking a partner for my project was never an issue. I’d always pick Seven. As I was about to turn to Seven, I felt a tap on my shoulder. and my heart kinda stopped beating.

“Partners?” Jaehhe asked. I DIDNT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO.

“Ummm…” I looked back at Seven and he was watching. He gave me a smile and nodded his head.

“Go ahead.”

I FELT KINDA BAD. BUT I JUST SMILED AT HIM BEFORE TURNING AROUND TO JAEHEE. “Yeah. Partners.” I said, trying to sound as calm as possible.

BUT BITCH IM FREAKING OUT. OOHOHHOHOHOHHHHHH FUFUFCKCKCKCCKKK

------------

HELLO. LISTEN. WE ARE SOOOO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING LAST WEEK. BOTH CIN AND LUCYY WERE BUSY AND NOT IN THE BEST POSITION TO WRITE WITH EACH OTHER. ALSO WE SAID THAT THE CHATER WOULD BE OUT SOON. TWO WEEKS AGO. SORRY AGAIN. THE CHAPTER IS BASICALLY DONE ITS JUST THAT WE HAVE BEEN SOOO BUSY AND AGAIN NOT IN THE BEST POSITION TO WRITE TOGETHER. WE ARENT SURE IF WE WILL GET BUSIER BUT ITS A POSSIBILITY THAT WE WILL SORRRRRRYYYYY. WE PROMISE TO POST IT BEFORE SUNDAY AND IF WE DONT PLEEAASSEEE SPAM OUR INBOX WITH COMPLAINS. HOLY FUCK OK SO CIN IS PACKED THIS WEEK BUT ITS COOL WE’LL FIND A WAY TO POST IT. WE ARE SOOO SORRY FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO BE VERY ACTIVE BESIDES THESE ENTRIES WHICH WERE USED TO KEEP THIS ACCOUNT ACTIVE LOL. AGAIN SORRY THIS IS MAKING ME DEPRESSED HAVE A GOOD DAY LOVES

[neinhart]

.

[5moremins]

2020

today is 1/5/2020

a new decade! my 30′s! 

lots of things going on in the world right now including a possible WWIII that genZers are tiktokking about... in an existential way and an awful apocalyptic fire in Australia. yet another year of crazy president at the helm of this country, some of whose actions i actually would condone. 

as always, i’m here, in brooklyn, feeling a bit ambivalent and conflicted about many things, wanting many seemingly opposite things all at once, not quite satisfied with my life....  

currently at the Market at The Ashland, our go-to reliable work spot in our hood. 2020 has been good. in the 5 days of 2020 i’ve already...

watched 3 movies (Little Women, Glengarry Glen Ross (fell asleep), Knives Out ** amazing)

gone seeing 2 cars (both Subarus)

dined at The Simone, Di Fara

stayed at the Mr. C by Seaport hotel for the NYE > NY day (loved anderson <3 ) 

worked out (running or tennis) everyday

organized the freezer (thanks muji containers)

bought a new computer for MY NEW VENTURE (ak venture)

feel better about this new year and decade

very thankful for my hubs

2019 was the year of...

career change and progress (clarifai > dataminr)

intro to self-pampering: spa, masks, mani pedis, diamonds...!

tennis! lots of tennis. playing and attending the US open

trips: Spain, India, London, lots of west coast trips for friends and fam

friendship: beginning of the dragon ladies

return of the mangos... japanese culture and cuisine (soba, sushi)

end to the 19-year old immigration journey.. homegirl is an american citizen now!

did 0 finances. wow. careless spending and lots of stress shopping that i’m not proud of but whatever i earned it

was the year of “making it”... personally, and professionally. so what is next?! getting the boredom jitters. (lol)

realizing that this industry tech, like finance, isn’t quite it for me. even though i’m afraid of letting go... because it feels like there is a lot to lose. i’ve worked! so! hard! but it’s really the last 5 years max. which is a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of things. really, we don’t have a lot of dependencies. and being a wife isn’t actually imposing me with any more duties and responsibilities than what is in my head...  

... realizing that really the only thing holding me back from going after what i *actually, really, want* is myself. there is no one stopping me. no environmental factors at play here. 

... realizing that i’ve become really risk averse. when my life was a risk, i was able to be a lot more ballsy. and take chances. and be sneaky. and have that edge. after having found my stability, my ground, i’ve become very settled. i’ve been holding onto my stability so dearly because it exemplifies everything i’ve been striving towards. THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE FINISH LINE! i’ve got a great husband, good career that people are trying so hard to get, nice cozy home, savings account that’s growing, enough disposable income to afford occasional travels upstate and internationally, shopping splurges, and mom’s 1 bedroom apartment in NJ. 

... realizing that i can no longer call my conundrums as quarter-life crisis anymore, because i probably won’t live to 120, and even a third-life is a stretch because my life from 60 to 90 will be a bit different.

SO WHAT IS NEXT?? 

life. lots and lots of life. intentionally taking risks because i want to. returning to myself with that edge because hell why not?? fully embracing me as who i actually am and who i actually want to be. asking myself, what do i want in life?! 

...realizing that i’ve never really asked this question to myself, seriously, before. when life is a blank space, what will i choose to do? even if i dont know, i’ll keep on asking... 

... embracing that yes i am tired, and yes, i’m no longer 15 year old with so much angst and energy, but i’m wiser, more beautiful, smarter, and still full of zeal for all that life has to offer. so i will take my breaks, cocoon up in my room reading mangos but that is not to be ashamed of, because that is actually a part of me.

2020 will be the year of...

these poems... 

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

When it's over, I want to say all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. When it's over, I don't want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real. I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened, or full of argument. I don't want to end up simply having visited this world

The Summer Day

by Mary Oliver

Who made the world? Who made the swan, and the black bear? Who made the grasshopper? This grasshopper, I mean- the one who has flung herself out of the grass, the one who is eating sugar out of my hand, who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down- who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes. Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face. Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away. I don’t know exactly what a prayer is. I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, which is what I have been doing all day. Tell me, what else should I have done? Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

When Death Comes

by Mary Oliver When death comes like the hungry bear in autumn; when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse to buy me, and snaps the purse shut; when death comes like the measle-pox when death comes like an iceberg between the shoulder blades, I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering: what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness? And therefore I look upon everything as a brotherhood and a sisterhood, and I look upon time as no more than an idea, and I consider eternity as another possibility, and I think of each life as a flower, as common as a field daisy, and as singular, and each name a comfortable music in the mouth, tending, as all music does, toward silence, and each body a lion of courage, and something precious to the earth. When it's over, I want to say all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. When it's over, I don't want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real. I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened, or full of argument. I don't want to end up simply having visited this world

if a list should exist... for 2020

because yes i’m a list person

start the ak empire

progress towards circumnavigation in the 30s -- buy a boat, join a bluewater crossing trip

live without weekday vs. weekends -- wake up at 6AM and then workout every morning, rain or shine, weekday or weekend 

read 1 book a month

apply for global entry

a & g list

hotel staycation every quarter

japan trip!

run 1 race abroad (germany or scandinavia? greenland?)

become arts patrons

finances to support the empire

quarterly wine school nights

tennis camp!

[icyblasty]

Entry # 4

Last Wednesday (June 26, 2019) 12AM I started the conversation with a “Your face are so red” to Juan. I just want to grab the opportunity since he keep snapping back and then he said “No ur face is red” and I still remember saying “uhhh 🙄” and guess what? he said “y r u so obsessed with me” WTF I am not obsessed with him 🙄 and I don’t know what is wrong with me that time too... I was so confident to say “No i’m not, You are” and I just don’t know what did he say next. As far as I remember, he said that I should shut up because he knows that I have literally a crush on him. 😂 I was so scared and was planning to deny it. I was taking the conversation seriously and while enjoying making fun of Juan. 😂😂😂 I don’t want him to feel like I want him to like me too right away just because I liked him. So when he said that I was just “How’d you know?” and then what he said that he was just joking... I already get the point where I should not tell him that I am this so serious to him. I don’t want him to feel weird towards me. So when he also asked me if I’m serious since he was just joking...I just said that “I got you!!!” But then 😂 he sent me a snap saying I am full of shit and that he know that I do have a huge crush on him. And this is where the things begin to get serious... When he asked me “Why do you like me” and without clearing how I really feel, i just said “sorry i can’t tell you” and then this snapped made me think what he really looks like outside from work. Is he still the Juan that I knew from work or a VERY different one. Because he said that “You literally only know me from work” and with that snap it is with a SERIOUS FACE. BRUH, I WAS SO CONFIDENT and said “Let me know you outside from work then.” I was so scared of what he’ll say next. But then when he said that he was the type of person that was kinda hard to link, I got it already. But then I don’t wanna get things so serious during that time because I am not so prepared and ready to get 🙅 rejected. So I was just saying that “I need to tell you something before I quit my work” and then said “Why are u a shorty?” and that snap, He said that I actually made him laugh 😍❤️😩 I am so glad that I made him laugh though during that time because I don’t wanna hate him just because he can’t like me or what. Juan also said that he’s going to quit to because his dad want him to. 🤷🏻‍♀️ So I shared my side too why I’m going to quit and then he said that It’s summer so I can quit in 2 months. Then I asked about what he’s gonna do since he just graduated. He said, he don’t have any clue what he want to do in the future. I tried suggesting BARTENDER ( in a joke way ) just because he loves going to party. BRUH, he just said that He needs to get a license for that and he was too lazy to get one. 🙄 You know what??? I even told him to forget about the future and just have fun. Even told him that he’s the coolest person i’ve ever meet. Juan asked me why he’s cool. and I just randomly said things that I actually noticed. He appreciated that and said “Thank you ❤️”

1:40 PM JUNE 29,2019 (Saturday)

I really went to work pretty early because I kinda wanna lowkey see Juan. Because I miss working with him 🤧 There are a lot of people in there and I thought he was not working because I was expecting him to work thursday but he was not working that day. And I thought he didn’t go to work once again today because he was usually in first booth but then I saw Beth, when I was staying there. Juan went to the first booth to get his headset battery changed. I was having a handshake with Abhijhet that time and Juan said that “Wtf, we didn’t even have one (handshake)” and I was like pointing him my pinky finger just so to remind him that WE HAVE THE COOLEST 🤝 HANDSHAKE!!! But then he was kinda busy looking for a new batteries. 😭 Beth even touched his hair when he was looking for batteries and in my mind, I was like “Stop touching him.” and when Beth start telling Juan a story and I am literally not listening to her because I want Juan to go away already and get lost because I don’t want her to touch him more. But then I was just blankly staring at Beth that time. I dont know why... but Juan looked at me while Beth is talking and went back to the front. 😂😂😂 And I was like... Did he read my mind?? 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ and then Beth and I was just talking to each other. Then Beth asked me a favor to cover him at 1:50 since she needs to catch her bus. So I went to front and told JM that I’ll cover Beth for the remaining 10 minutes as she need to catch her bus. But then Juan went back at first booth because his battery sucked. 🙄 And as he take orders that time he was just looking at me and kinda was asking for a fistbump but then I didn’t get it since we have OUR HANDSHAKE 😩 and then we tried to do it while he was taking orders over the headset... he messed up our handshake and I keep punching him (of course in a joke way) and then when he was about to leave because JM will kill him if he doesn’t come back right away. I was not letting him go until he pinch my waist and got away. When he is off already, one co-worker gaves me a Peanut and was eating it. Simran went to the first booth too because she’s off and was talking to Juan. I don’t know why but while Simran is talking to him, he was just interrupts my eating and thought I was eating a bubblegum 🙄 at first I thought he was still talking to Simran but then he said “Cledd, give me some bubblegum” “I know you have gums” and the funny thing is he literally thought I was eating a gum even though I was holding a pack of peanut 🙄 and he even wanna receive the “gum” with his mouth and when I was doing a dirty-joke like trying to throw that peanut from my mouth to his. He then said “wth what is that” and Laugh 😂😂😂 and then went to the washroom to get changed. When he came back, Simran is like shouting at him and like he was saying goodbye to them.

This really touched me. I thought he’s just gonna leave just like that. But then he turn right (first booth) and came to me. He went to my back and fixed my collar. (Note : He also fixed my collar last saturday (June 22,2019) before he leaves from work) and I was trying to make fun of him so I was like “are u my daddy now?” and he then laughed and said “what the fuck” and then he said goodbye and gives me a fistbump but then I remember that we have OUR OWN HANDSHAKE 🙄 so I was like “we had our handshake” and then he said “no we don’t we didn’t have one because we didn’t practice it” and then I was like “Ok let’s try it” Bruh, he literally know which way to go or what to do. Dzuh! he was the one who suggested that handshake! 🙄 and when we tried it... I said “I hate you” because he forgets how to do it and when we tried it again, whenever we finished in a pinky part... He would stare at me and would say “then?” Ugh. I literally hate how he pretend that he forgot. And when we finished our handshake he was like “thats it??? we just need to tap in twice?” and I was like “Yahhhh...” and then he smiled and go. But as he walked, he said “Have fun at work Cledd” ❤️😇😍 Thats how my day went with him, I just worked with other co-workers like Wei and Taylor.