#truly the worst thing ive ever experienced

[vaguelyhauntedcornfield]

Whoever gave the foods for that American food poll is clearly either west or east coast. No one from the south would slander good food like that, and no one from the midwest would neglect to mention the atrocities that every aunt or neighbor brings to potlucks. If you’ve suffered thru the mayo and jello based salads and the Frankensteined casseroles, you know they belong on there over grits, biscuits and gravy, and boiled peanuts. Also like, the basic white person from the suburbs meal of boiled/baked chicken, steamed broccoli, and steamed carrots, all with no seasoning…that should honestly have a spot too

[floralovebot]

anyway, i know i don't have to explain myself here but the biggest reason why i couldn't keep up with or even look at the winxnet for so long is the fandom racism just got to me too much and going into the main tags caused too much anxiety. work and life were also part of this but the racism was the biggest factor.

and it just... sucks yknow? like that's such an understatement but it really fucking sucks. especially when i see other fans of color feel the same way and all of us constantly having to take breaks from the fandom because of it, meanwhile all the white fans can just cruise by casually and never get affected. i've seen white fans constantly interacting with the fandom for years without fear or anxiety and it makes me so fucking jealous. it's not like i want them to be so horribly upset by the fandom that they have to take breaks from it but it's so unfair that we have to deal with that and they don't.. literally have to give up and go away because of racism and they can just. not think about it.

seeing white mutuals constantly rb whitewashed art. seeing the most braindead takes about characters of color. having white fans "randomly" hate you for "no reason" just "vibes". white fans being publically racist to you but no one calls them out or even recognizes it as racism because why fucking would they. and then of course add on the racism from rainbow and the amount of white people that took to harassing us to defend fate. it just really gets to you and i hate that my enjoyment of winx is affected by this when white fans literally do Not care.

like... going into the tag still gives me anxiety right now. i've had to block white fans just for existing because they said something weird or interacted with me in a negative way and the chance that they're racist is just too high for me to be comfortable with it. i still see white fans performatively calling out whitewashing and fate without actually caring about us or calling out racists in the fandom. i still see whitewashed art and edits and white fans loving them. i still see white fans who have publically been racist get wildly supported and loved cause no one actually gives a shit.

it just really sucks that we have to deal with this. i'd love to be able to just blindly support and interact with the fandom but i can't. i'd love to be able to be mutuals with everyone but i can't. i'd love to be able to call people out without the fear of getting doxxed or sent mass hate. i'd love to be able to exist in fandom spaces the way white fans can but i just can't. and it seems like everyone time i talk about this, white fans just get annoyed instead of understanding or feeling compassionate. like imagine being able to live so blissfully unaware of how your actions affect people

[an-inspired-eternity]

breaks into your inbox

hi, please, sell me on akirui, tell me all about them please. ive been thinking about them after the devil’s manner april fools thing and i just need to hear someone go insane about it i think

uh, yeah!! :]

HELLO. OUGH OUGH OUGH WHERE DO I BEGIN.

first of all the "like oil and water" trust rank title (that ensekai butchered but what doesnt ensekai butcher involving queer ppl lbr)

okay first of all i just think the premise of where their dynamic starts is so funny bc they r so >:3 >:| core and i love that for them.

BUT. goes under the cut bc i have thoughts and feelings

the thing i LOOOVE tapping into with akirui (and akikasa/akiruikasa) as well is that for all akito bitches and moans hes more like rui (and tsukasa) then he insists he isnt.

i made another post before about akito and tsukasa both push themselves beyond their health limits for their dreams (and as well in my fic 'the balsam, fallen silent' it comes up that tsukasa's stunt in phoenix pissed akito off BECAUSE of how much it reminded him of himself with what happened in sbd)

with rui you have to read between the lines a bit more but there's a big deal made of how they're both very passionate about what they create and making what they create the best they can be

similarly to the phoenix/sbd stuff, rui does also push himself in a different but similar way, as seen in darkfes, where akito chastises him for downplaying his injury and to let people help him for the sake of putting on the best show possible.

you could argue there's a point of comparison to be made about how much they mask. akito with his polite front he uses around people he doesn't know, and rui reigning himself in at best or acting completely detached from what hurts him at worst. there's an excerpt from a fic i really like that summarizes rui's state well i think:

(taken from 'summer heat' by cepheide, a very good, 10/10 recommended akirui read from me)

and also as well as of the most recent event, we have rui asking akito who does and doesn't know about the latter's fear of dogs because he's trying to be delicate and careful regarding discussion of what is described to be trauma for akito, and akito is shown to be surprised and very touched by this act.

i don't think akito ever truly fully hated tsukasa or rui, but in the case of rui you can really see how much akito grows to tolerate and enjoy his company, to the point he can enjoy himself in rui's presence so long as rui doesn't try to treat him like tsukasa (ie: the situations)

also if i can ever finish the wip i have w/ them. the topic does come of shinei being a shithead, and i don't think we talk enough about how of the times we've seen rui genuinely pissed off and ready to throwdown it was about someone harming (emotionally or otherwise) a person he cares about. rui would hear about shinei and experience a rage unlike anything he's experienced since the scuffles with shosuke emus brothers. ive said this before but if akitoya is "lets run away together and we can escape everything and everyone thats ever hurt us", akirui is "you can run to me, i'll protect you. i won't let anyone hurt you ever again"

[violottie]

I cant stress enough how much bi lesbians and bi lesbian discourse flared up my SO-ocd, I was fine for a few months and then I returned to this side of tumblr and I get reminded of them. One of my worst fears is that I am somehow a “bi lesbian” or if after all these years of questioning and finally coming to the conclusion that I’m a lesbian I’ll turn out to be straight in the end. Idk if I should have stayed on the art side of tumblr but where else do I find other lesbians??? I wish I could go back to when I didn’t know “bi lesbians” existed it was easier back then. Apparently the only thing to make intrusive thoughts subside is to be like “so what if I’m not a lesbian, who cares” but I cant do that. I wanna go back to when I didn’t know there were people who deliberately fake being gay because that’s also one of my fears,, even though when I realized I was a lesbian it felt like I REALIZED it rather than chose it

(this is gonna be long but it's very important to talk about so just a heads up on that)

i am so so sorry to hear this, and im infuriated that these fucking creeps in the "community" have caused not only so much blatant lesbophobia to spread but also have caused so much harm to lesbians.

i am right with you because ive been through, and still go through sometimes, what you're experiencing. its terrifying that all this bullshit can snowball and make any doubts we lesbians already have from living in this heterosexual patriarchal society double and multiply even more viciously.

my internalised lesbophobia has worsened also. i doubt myself alot and more often thanks to all this bs. its... i dont even have words to express how damaging lesbophobia, especially from within the "community", is.

it causes harm and trauma and pain and suffering for lesbians, but all these stupid juvenile shits just think it doesnt matter because "uwu theyre so kweer and cool now"

it sucks... but i need you to know it is not your fault that you feel this way.

no matter what anyone inside or outside the community says, and no matter what your spiralling thoughts might make you believe as a result of lesbophobia inside and outside the community, you are not straight, you are not a "bi lesbian", you are not bisexual. you are a lesbian.

i know it is so so hard to just say but i promise you, nothing they say will ever ever change the reality of your lesbianism. i promise you.

it hurts, and its beyond infuriating to have to share space with these disrespectful bastards who coopt our lived experience for a moment of attempted self-actualisation, and that pain deserves to be acknowledged and soothed, not pushed away.

i wish i could give you a hug rn honestly because this shit just fucking sucks. i too wish i could go back to the time when these idiots werent even a concept in my mind or memory, but if there is any advice i can give you to help ease the torment of this constant barrage, it is this:

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

1) know, for a fact, that nothing anyone, and i mean ANYONE says and no matter how loud they say it, will ever change the lived and exact reality of your innate sexuality.

nothing will ever magic away your lesbianism. it is wired into you, it IS you, a very central part of your personhood. that is not something that any words, especially words shat out of the asshole of a dickhead child on the internet, can ever change.

im not disregarding the hurt, im just reminding you that who you are, who you truly are, cannot change because of the words that hurt. especially because you know deep down that those words are not true.

because being a lesbian is who you are. it is not a quota to reach, or what you do, it is who we are. innately. you know where your natural attactions lie, what genders draw your attraction exclusively and without effort. you know that deep down. we are literally born this way. words cannot change that.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

2) the best thing to do whenever you accidentally glimpse said bullshit is to block them and focus on uplifting the actual lesbian community.

lesbians community is such an integral lifeline, i cannot emphasise the sheer importance of enough.

these idiots are, after all, idiots and do not deserve your energy, your time or your pain. they will never matter, and the truth is, they only exist on the internet among weirdos who have no sense of self so seek it by stealing bits and pieces from other peoples personal experience and identity.

they are and always will be inauthentic, unlike you.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

3) find and focus on the joy of your lesbianism individually and in lesbian community with other lesbians.

We lesbians are blessed to experience the best kind of human life possible: lesbianism.

our sexuality is bold and strong and proud and beautiful and brilliant and effervescent. it is perfect and brave and worthy of honor and praise and celebration and respect.

our community of lesbians is just as exquisite as we are individually. we are diverse and divine. every butch, femme, stud, stone, masc and feminine lesbian; every trans woman, transmasc, transfem and nonbinary lesbian; every black and brown and lesbian of color; every aromantic, asexual, aroace, non-partnering and polyamourous lesbian; every lesbian of every age and race is so overflown with wisdom and joy and love and brilliance. there is nothing more empowering as a lesbian and nothing that strengthens lesbian pride more than being in a community of lesbians and finding joy in ourselves through each other.

and im not just saying this to be mushy. i mean it. lesbians are divine, and thus, you are also divine.

you are perfect as a lesbian because you ARE a lesbian. you are incredible and intelligent and brilliant and brave.

nothing will change the brilliance of who you are, and in everything you are as a lesbian, you have a universe of lesbians who have been, who are and who will be, all of whom have not only been through the same and similar demeaning bs from the same kind of lesbophobic idiots, but they fought it back and survived and lived and thrived as lesbians.

you are just as strong as every lesbian who has been and is. and you are not alone. i promise you.

i am slowly rebuilding the community of lesbians on this blog that i had on my old one, but i promise you, on my blog you are safe. i swear, i will always always put lesbians first here, and that includes you. i will always defend and support and celebrate lesbians first here, and here you will find many other lesbians who will do the same.

❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

i know this was long, im sorry about that but i just need you to know that i see and feel your pain with you, and i need you to know that you arent going through it alone, and you are not alone.

we lesbians have always stuck together to defend and fight for one another, we have always survived, we have always been here, and we always will be.

i hope this reassures you in some way, and know you're always welcome and safe here ❤️🧡🤍🩷💖

[mountainhaunt]

top 10 bands/artists let's goooo. i was tagged by @findusinaweek (bless you) so here's a loosely ordered list.

1) Hoppipolla. i could, can and have written literally a 2k+ word review on Hoppipolla's second album that turned more into a love poem from me than anything. y'all really don't want me doing this here.

B U T suffice it to say this timy little korean indie melancholia quartet has touched my soul in ways nothing else has. a few of their songs mean more to me than most things in this world do.

also!! world renowned cellist!!! hong jinho!! in the group!! seriously gorgeous, poignant magic these four create together.

the best/worst part is they dropped into the world, released two 10/10 heart stopping albums and then vanished again as if it were nothing.

2) Radiohead. i heard 'in rainbows' for the first time when i was 15 and it's what started me down the road of truly loving music and not just listening to it. radiohead is my baby and were my number one until hoppipolla came along a few years ago. ive been lucky enough to see them twice in concert and both experiences changed my dna i swear.

3) the Mountain Goats. the goats are like placebo in that i couldn't listen to them for a long time because of His Voice and i know that's like a trope at this point.

that was back in high school. now, john darnielle is hands down my favorite songwriter of all time and i unironically love his voice. no one writes lyrics and tells a story like he can and i constantly find myself turning to their music.

4) The Postal Service. death cab for cutie? eh, not bad, but can take or leave. ben gibbard + dntel? masterpiece.

their one and only album, give up, is my number one favorite album of all time and as much as i love it/them, i am SO glad they didn't release another. nothing could compare. anything that tried would only cheapen the debut album.

5) Hozier. i want to lay in the moss and cry and fall in love with a sweet lil cottagecore girl and i get to do that every time i listen to a hozier song

6) My Chemical Romance. my first loves. i was OBSESSED as a teen when they debuted and will still defend their honor today. although suddenly they've become really popular and not something for middle school bullies to pick on me for, so... defense unnecessary.

7) Margot & the Nuclear So and So's. they are so dreary and melancholy and nostalgic and gorgeous. i came across them by accident in high school because i was obsessed with the name margot, saw their name somewhere and immediately went home to totally not pirate them and see what they were about. "my baby (shoots her mouth off)" is one of the songs i send people when i talk about having bipolar, lol. the other being "lovecraft in brooklyn" by the goats.

they just evoke a special kind of feeling that is hard to replicate, and it transports me somewhere when i listen.

8) Erasure. i didn't know they even existed until i moved in with my partner and now i feel like every older queer ive ever met over the course of my life who didn't introduce me to them failed me, honestly

9) Modest Mouse. 'the moon and antarctica' came into my life around the same time 'in rainbows' did and also furthered my realization that music was to be experienced and not just heard. i never get tired of them (except strangers to ourselves. i listened to that album 3/4 of the way through one time and never touched it again sorry)

10) Rammstein. i love the drama!! i love the ferocity!! i love the taboo!! and they are also the reason i studied german so they deserve a spot here.

i'm still getting this account off the ground and haven't really chatted with many of you so im afraid to tag anyone lmao but obviously feel free to do this if you see it

[jackienautism]

Saw your latest post and I just want to add that the people who do ship Charlie/Du'met are some of the most toxic people I've seen in SMG fandom. If you dare to bring up the issues with their ship (Especially in the way it overtakes the WOC wlw ship AND the other interracial ship) they'll attack you about it 💀

And not only do they act like this (most of the time) but the fact that they're more willing to ship a man with the guy who is TRYING TO KILL HIM AND HIS EMPLOYEES over the actual romantic relationships in the game is insane to me. People will ship the most horrendously toxic mlm ship before even thinking about the canon wlw ship and it's infuriating. Funny thing is I liked Charlie just fine before but these people are making me hate him lmao

Sorry if i'm rambling I just have a LOT of thoughts on this ship

Oooooh yeah that's not surprising to me 😭 of course the shippers of an inherently bad pairing are going to bad themselves LMAO so sorry if youve ever had to deal w/ any of them in that way :/ i remember seeing something happen under a mutuals post (lazylesbianbear hiii) and its just.... things really start to show when they get SO defensive over someone giving (well deserved, mind you) criticism for their pairing. it sucks that they attack over something like that bc it shows how guilty they are lmao. it shows that they truly and honestly dont care abt those issues OR the fact that their ship is overtaking erin / jamie and mark / kate (who i totally forgot were a pairing for a sec. sorry mark and kate) aka 2 pairings that are LEAGUES above whatever charlie / dumet is. what im saying is, they dont give a fuck abt poc or women, even if they try their best to "prove" it

IT IS INSANE !!!!! AND ITS SOOO SAD..... we already get jack shit in terms of representation (both wlw and interracial relationships) so of course its gonna suuuuck so bad when the most popular pairing is some serial killer and his victim. but i suppose i expect nothing less of fandom :/ and you're right, they'll gravitate towards the worst / most lackluster mlm pairing before ever even considering a wlw one, let alone w/ woc. and its so disappointing. sorry that these ppl have made you dislike charlie a lot more than before though. ive experienced the same shit so you're def not alone in that

and no no worries! you're def not rambling, all of your points are super valid and deserve to be talked about. if you ever have more to say, even though i have not played the game yet, my inbox / messages are always open. hope you have a good day!

[otaku-tactician]

My Sleep Paralysis Demon: An In-Depth Study

A few years ago, I posted an image of the goddess I saw in a dream. But actually, I have experienced a much deadlier presence during my sleep paralysis and dream episodes...a dude who has been consistently by my side for years (and has me convinced that I may actually be fucking insane seeing as he's still here). Say hello to the epitome of inner turmoil, my sleep paralysis demon!

This character has been haunting me for almost 8 years of sleep paralysis HELL!! He shape-shifts a heck of a lot into a shitload of different forms that he abandons on a whim, and recently adapted to look like another anime character but luckily he dropped that form XD However, he seems to like taking the form of one particularly popular character the most. That is also his default appearance- it's basically the knock-off version of a certain fate character (it will become pretty apparent who he's picked once you see some of his forms).

But anyway, this guy appears in a lot of my nightmares etc. Worst is when I'm in half asleep sleep paralysis mode, he becomes like a full presence that can talk and everything. Also, his presence feels like thorns that bite into the skin (pretty creepy).

First up is his first form. This form comes out whenever his favorite popular anime man disguise falls off, and it looks like a vampire cosplay.

Form One- Duke Megalovania Grimhield VI

Bro, even his name is fake.

This form is the one he takes whenever he wishes to sneer in my face in my dreams- like a 'haha KONO DUKE MEGALOVANIA DA!!' moment. This guy is smug and annoying, but that's actually just a way to cover up his hidden insecurities. He says he wants to be adored, dominant and loved by everyone.

Form Two- War Maiden

I don't know much about this form, other than the fact that she tried to give me psychological damage in a nightmare about my past that was completely inaccurate to my past (she made it all up?!) In fact, I did not even draw her properly (I forgot her hairstyle). This form loves warfare and battle, a complete military maniac. However this form was abandoned after only ONE DREAM. He only adopted this form to play havoc, but as it didn't work out; he abandoned her like a moldy slice of toast.

Form Three- Thirsty Angel

If he was on Instagram, he would be the KING of Thirst Traps. This form only appeared twice, mainly to inflict sleep paralysis trauma :(

He reminds me of Matou Shinji, which is definitely not a good thing. However, unlike Matou Shinji he does not have much of a personality. To him, his appearance and seductiveness is what reigns supreme to him. -.- I think he chose this form to try and deceive me, and it worked very well. He is a MASSIVE SADIST, he derives great pleasure from mind-breakingly skillful betrayal.

Form THREE POINT FIVE- Thirsty Angel is Actually a DEMON

This is another one of his 'fake true forms'- basically he reveals an alleged true form which ends up not being true at all. He is like a Matryoshka Doll. In this form, he grew a pair of black horns, and the scar on the right side of his face feels like sandpaper to the touch (it is very scratchy so be careful!)

This form of his is very insecure, like a 'little meow meow'. He mainly spends his time lamenting over his need to be loved and valued in this form- its a very melancholy side to him. He feels very self-conscious about his appearence in this form, and is worried that he looks ugly (if only he knew about monster fuckers). In addition to this, I would state that this form looks incredibly similar to a truly demonic terrifying beast form of his that is over 10 ft tall and has ridiculously long black nails (worst sleep paralysis nightmare ive ever had btw).

Form Four- 'I'M SLEEPY GTFO'

This is the form that he takes whenever he haphazardly pulls an appearance together. As he tends to focus on having his pussy pop as much as possible, this form is as rare a sighting as a blizzard in the midst of summer- blink twice and its gone!

In nightmares with this form, he is super grumpy and doesn't resort to his usual charm tactics at all; which gives the impression that this is what my sleep paralysis demon is like when he's sleepy and has no energy. This form is also extremely desperate, willing to go to any lengths to achieve his dreams and exert his innermost desires.

Form Five- Inner World Form

Whenever I do visual meditation, I see this guy. I cannot explore my inner world without seeing him nearby. On default, he takes the appearance of a certain anime guy, but oftentimes his demonic nature takes hold and manipulates his appearance into this slightly more malevolent exterior.

This is his most nonchalant form, most likely as a means of respecting my inner space. This form enjoys taking casual strolls by the beach, talking about life and sharing hugs. However, he almost trapped me within an abyss in one meditation episode, so he can't be trusted either (you'd never guess with how affectionate he can be in this form). dude i sound completely bonkers writing this

However, thanks to him...meditation is pretty hard to do sometimes.

Form Six- Deity Form

This form is really surreal. His main symbol is that of the grape (and its for reasons that are too absurd for me to disclose). Despite being a shining deity, he is incredibly mysterious and evasive, so it's hard to get to understand him. He also roasts like hell in this form, and can be pretty cruel (well he is the same existence as the others, after all). ALSO THAT OUTFIT!!! HE IS BASICALLY COSPLAYING AGAIN!!!

TRUE FORM- ULTIMATE DEMON

This form makes it pretty clear what Fate character he was inspired by...it is the greatest shame of my life to know that my sleep paralysis demon has exactly the same favorite character as me XD

This form is the ultimate cumulation of all of his other forms. In this form, he is dominant. He doesn't worry about being unloved or neglected. He turns on the charm to a bedazzling degree. However, actually that is not true. He is every bit as insecure, possessive and controlling in this form as he is in all of his other forms. This grand appearance is nothing but a filter for him to cover up the pain that he goes to such great lengths to avoid. This guy works really hard to control how he is viewed- to even the most minute details.

Basically, in this form; he DOES NOT WANT TO BE PERCIEVED AT ALL. Just to be admired and desired, to rule over others. That is the true function of his ultimate sadistic form.

Also wow his hair is super long! And his horns are massive! And his high heels are actually made up of three massive spikes. YES, HE WALKS ON METAL SPIKES.

In order to make sense of his two main appearances, I made a guide to showcase his deity side and demonic side. Those are the sides he likes to swap between whenever his main disguise as a certain anime character fails him. However, sometimes he can appear as just light and a shadow as well.

And then finally, here are some forms that he used only a few times for the sole purpose of being the worst sleep paralysis demon to strike my nightmares :(

Form on the left- some guy with white hair that pretended to be an angel soulmate

Dude in the middle- used for a nightmare

Dude on the right- WHO IS HE!

I hope you enjoyed my sleep paralysis demon showcase as much as I did ^^

UPDATE: NEW FORM UNLOCKED YEA BABEY

OK

[hatsunegarfield]

tumblrz cool cuz i kno none of yall kno me and the ones that do are too far away to gaf but man im abt to vent post on main

my god every night ive been dreaming of old friends. fully innocuous dreams, not of friends i had fallings out with but just those who drifted away. we go out to eat, go on road trips, ride roller-coasters and stay in cool creepy hotels together. they look the same age they did when we last interacted but ive grown. they know me, know the things we lived through together, the growth we've experienced together. im 21 now and so horrifically lonely that my unconscious mind is providing me with the only platonic connects ive ever known, the ones i desperately crave. they're such happy dreams, i wake up having enjoyed our outings til im brought back to the reality of it all. im not 16 anymore, we dont talk anymore. they dont confide in me anymore, laugh with me til their stomach hurts, quietly take in the scenery as we meander through spaces we obviously dont belong, learning, growing, seeing all that we can outside our scope. we arent sharing cigs or passing bottles on my back porch anymore. we arent middle schoolers sneaking boxed wine and messing with ouija boards anymore. we arent camping together, exploring together, learning together. but we still do in my dreams. we still get to be stupid teens and 20 somethings in my dreams.

i love my fiancé to death. he IS my best friend, my closest confidant, my 24/7, my everything. but its just not the same as having a friend. a best friend, who knows you inside and out beyond that romantic connection because they have seen you at your absolute worst. theyve seen you green out and smack your head into the corner of a wall at 14. theyve formed a barrier with their bodies in the PE locker room to make sure no one saw your body or your scars at 12, they posed for the cutest little picture of you in your halloween costumes together at 6, sitting in your kindergarten class. and we are all such different people now, and i miss them so dearly, but i know the distance was intended to be. but god i miss them so deeply theyve infiltrated my dreams and honestly i cant even be truly mad. as opposed to sleepless nights and physically torturous nightmares, im getting to be young again, with the people who knew me inside out and backwards, who knew me better than myself and loved me anyways. who ha# a much longer, much deeper, DRASTICALLY different connection to me than any romantic partner could truly have.

i miss them so badly. even the ones i resent for us falling apart, i miss them. i miss them so deeply that some nights the only place i feel at home is my own dreams.

i was warned adulthood would be lonely. i never bought it. i believed we'd be friends forever.

now im sitting in the bath drunk, posting on this hell site about how much i miss those i truly loved, truly adored, truly wouldve taken a bullet for.

god, GOD the loneliness aches in a way ive never felt before. please. please keep close to your friends. even dispite a natural, amicable distance, please check up on them once in a while.

my failure to do so has resulted in a pit in my chest that i dont think any therapy or substance could truly ever remedy fully. a deep ache that only really rears its head in my dreams.

please dont let yourself fade to nothing as i did.

[boyfhee]

OKAY IM BACK 🤩🤩 ( after some self reflection on my attachment to take two ) NGL I DIDNT EXPECT YOU TO GIVE ME A SHOUTOUT OR EVEN FOR ME TO HELP PLAY A PART ( even if its a teeny tiny bit ) IN THE ENDING ??? you can literally imagine my surprise when i opened the app after a goodnight sleep to see a new update and mentions of me in the a/n 😭😭 the ending was so fhdjsnjsnsks BITTERSWEET. it was so nice to know that they all found comfort in each other ultimately ( despite it not turning into something romantic wise at that moment ) and being such good friends ?? it really shows their growth as characters which behaved selfishly to ones that were willing to accept each others shortcomings whole heartedly ( at least imo ) . although yn doesnt have an endgame (cries cos my imaginations were running wild at the slightly open but not so open ending if you get what i mean ) , it feels very realistic that wonki hasnt moved on yet — especially since this happens a lot irl ( i never experienced it before but ive seen my friends go through it ! ). i think it was a very well written ending considering how you couldnt make everyones wishes come through ( talking about the readers choice of endgame ) but yet still delivered one of satisfactory level. it was such a wild ride watching ynki make every mistake we as humans could make. miya was truly a test - she was testing my patience half the time 💀💀💀. but miya also serves as a reminder to everyone of how easily it is to unknowingly cheat on your partner without having to lay a single hand or even touch the person. emotional cheating is JUST AS BAD AS PHYSICALLY CHEATING IF NOT WORST ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ i kinda feel bad (?) for wonki though because even though they were given closure and time to heal, it always felt more like a right person wrong time kind of thing so they will never be able to properly move on imo. IT MAKES ME EVEN SADDER THAT IT FEELS LIKE YN GETS THE HAPPY ENDING AND WONKI GOT A HAPPY ENDING TOO BUT IT COMES WITH A CHANCE THAT THEY MIGHT NEVER BE ABLE TO GET ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH YN EVER AGAIN. its really giving “ feels like we have matching wounds but mines still black and bruised and yours is perfectly fine “ < the exit - conan gray >

okay i feel like i should stop here before i get carried away and keep repeating the same points but more aggressively with each sentence 🥶🥶 i was actually a pure literature student before i graduated from school and its been a while since i had graduated so it was really fun to be able to make analysis on characters again as well as figure out plots through diction 🤩🤩 i cant thank you enough for writing take two because it gave me a chance to put my literature to good use, it wouldve been a real shame if i studied so hard just for me to never use it ever again. thank you thank you thank you thank you.

please have a good rest and all the best for your studies ! i had national exams last year and it absolutely beat the crap out of my brain 😭😭 had me tearing at every math question and feeling hella defeated. its going to be tough but you can do it !! take as long as you need for your break ! you absolutely deserve it after dropping that bombass smau 😩😩😩😩 i will look forward to your return with full excitement ! take care ~

- 🎐 ( its been a pleasure being one of take twos biggest fans - self proclaimed )

WINDCHIME ANON HEHE HELLO 💗💗 no bc a shoutout was a must bc ur ask helped me pick the direction i wanted to go with the ending. and i was so scared bc ppl were hoping for a ynwon ending but i gave them kind of nothing i was like 'what if they dont like' BUT FUCK IT BC IN MY EYES YN DOESNT DESERVE A HAPPY ENDING JUST YET . tbh the whole point of the friends part was that they were willing to give their relationship another try despite the mistakes, call that character development. and miya was created solely to tell people how important communication is. none of this would've happened if riki told yn about miya, if yn told him ab meeting miya, if riki told yn ab his plan, the communication was gone on so many levels. the thing that ruined ynki, if you ask me, was the lack of communications. not miya, not jungwon, not media, not fans, but yn and riki themselves. SO CHIYUV NATION, COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY. ALWAYS. take it from me i love clearing things out and it always ends well unless u start phrasing things wrong ( dont do it )

AND ANON WE R GETTING A PART TWO WITH SEPARATE ENDINGS let ur imagination run wild again ☝️☝️ that conan gray lyrics r so ksdjfhhs fits so well fr. AND OMG HI FELLOW LIT. STUDENT i had science but also had eng on the side, spent my youth editing drafts and analysing proses and poetry it was fun . everyday i think about ur asks ab take two and it makes miso happy (sunghoon hi) bc they rlly made my day U ARE THE BIGGEST TAKE TWO FAN i will give u that medal 🥇

[onethousandandone]

a tribute to teenage love

Throughout my life I have experienced many new emotions. Some of them I often hope are a one time- never do again type of emotion, but some are so euphoric I chase them like a drug addict that will do anything for their next hit. My drug is love, or the feeling of being wanted to be more precise. The feeling of pure content. The last time I remember being completely at peace was my junior year of high school- dating my first boyfriend (I was absolutely convinced we were going to be together forever; I haven’t spoken to him in over 2 years now), I had good grades, and okay friends. Before that was all I needed. Everything is just so much more complicated now. I hate it. I wish I could say “Ugh, I just wish I could be a little kid again”, but I don’t want to ever be a little kid again. My childhood was arguably worse then my current C+ at best young adulthood. I keep waiting for my life to turn some kind of new leaf, and to change and somehow become more manageable but I don’t think it ever will. I recently came to the realization that I am simply unlucky. Strange coincidences of people in my life dying on the same day, meeting my “dream” guy two months before I moved away to college, literally everything has a fucking catch. I wonder what its like for things to go your way, as obnoxious as it sounds. Sometimes I wish I had a different life, that I was born into a different family, or in a different city or just that anything could possibly changed in my life that would make living a little bit easier. But of course not, it’s just not for me, the easy life. I was born and bred to deal with the hardest shit someone possibly could, and just to learn to somehow suppress it to such an extent that even I myself forget some of the things Ive experienced. Easier that way I think; even if everyone says its unhealthy: if I pretend nothing happened, maybe it will magically disappear or I will just start forgetting the worst bits and pieces until someone will just have to remind me it happened in the first place. Being unlucky is maybe a good thing, because at this point, what is there left for me to be disappointed about? Ive seen it all, Ive felt it all. I wonder if I will ever feel my favorite feeling again. Love. So silly, so cheesy, but I get it now. 

I have been in love 1 and half times.  I say half because I started to feel that familiar feeling recently, but it was ripped away by the worst factor of all: time. I ran out of it, I had to move away, move on with my life. And now I must pretend that 0.5 of love never happened. That maybe I had just imagined him, his hair and the tattoos and the music and the sex. It was just a very detailed dream, and maybe i’ll start to forget it soon, but just not yet. I just woke up and I remember it vividly; remembering is tiring, maybe i’ll fall asleep and dream of something else soon. Now the majority of the love I remember was years ago, a dream I had that stuck with me. All consuming and crazy and toxic and aggressive and insane and : so in love. Him I forget now, I forget what he looked like and how he spoke and just everything about him. I think everything about me changed after Him. It was too much at 16, and I could never let myself do that again. Feel that way, let myself completely dissolve into someone. I almost let it happen the second time around, but I always knew in the back of my mind that I never could again. Another cliche, but I just truly wouldn’t survive it. I think losing myself in someone else again would strip away whatever sense of the pure and soft humanity I have left. 

“I am nothing if not an incredibly soft woman“ 

[alpsss]

confinement 2, week 3

confinement is upon us! and seems to be going by in a flash, which is the common trend lately, it seems, life just speeding on by like a blur and the kiddos are just sprouting like seedlings before long they’re gonna be full blown trees and im geriatric. 

second time around is def better, if i might dare say. youre just way more prepared (both mentally and physically, more mentally) for the worst that can happen, not so noob all around, even my moms not breathing down our necks cos hollys experiencing terrible2s and is a huge but stinkingly undeniably cute handful. the chaos is nicee? wouldnt have it any other way. pretty sure we r CLOSING SHOP after this aka NO MORE! what a relief to know that i can work on my body, move onto a nice non-preggo phase of life, just breastfeeding left to do......which i wonder when/how long it will go on for. but what ive also learnt (ala with the whole CC/st james thing) is that some bridges shld just be crossed not too early, but at the right time else its just unnecessary stress and who needs more of that at this stage in life? in the end i managed to clear that 3-make-ups in 1 day right before i popped tara! and in the end the birthing experience was truly a dream...save the epidural side effects, but otherwise im shouting to the world that natural birth is awesome and manisha is 10/10 stars.

small wins like friday’s eventful day where they came back with a new pram, my dream pram..and we’re planning the full month celebration now, i only have 2 more days to chill cos technically lq and i need to work on lidl this friday, and its been chill we’ve alr been taking visitors and my jailbreak ends sooner than u think! then its back to work life, but honestly everything is going to be ok. got to learn to work thru the anxiety/shut it out when needed/sometimes its overwhelming but got to silence the voices. im very happy where life is/where we are/ even though byebye sleep (for now?) and theres the whole impending doom of yaya leaving us for good..and theres always some kinda shit to deal with in life because thats life. like JAUNDICE, but then i begged the doc to let us go at 85 reading, and she did. and i no longer care as much or at all abt what people think ever since k caught me with ZERO make up at the park twice in a day. but ive been trying to restart my IF regiment because i hated what i saw in the mirorr/i was a full on beluga whale post-partum (still am). but its a work in progress. did a lot of uniqlo hauls because i figured since im saving more than 1300$ by not engaging PNMSG. 

next thing to check off is some decadent sashimi (it doesnt even need to be the fanciest location), and i’d like a nice shoot for the 100 days + hollys bday (hope it goes well!) because we havent gotten a nice fam photo of the four of us aka hope holly cooperates! next time i check in here it might already be christmas?? life is so insane! grateful that thru it all God is so faithful and we have so much support and love, omg TOTAH is the best confinement nanny of all time seriously, she does SOO much i cant even. just so happy that at the end of the day theres family and thats all you need really, fam.

[tcmmykinard]

hey, i hope u can get some rest soon, take care of urself, and reach out to folks so you have a support group. ive been thru this kinda thing myself, and it's tough, but it does get easier to carry the weight. thinkin of u, if there's anyth u need, just give a shout out. x

thank you, i'm definitely resting a lot and took this past week off from working too much and i've spent the past week staying at my aunt and uncle's house, so i have people around me. but unfortunately, life does have to keep going and i'll be going back home and to my job so.. i've just been trying to get as much as i can manage by myself done the past few days. i'm so sorry that you've gone through this kind of thing before.. it truly is the worst thing i've ever experienced and it's so hard and i wouldn't wish it on anyone.

thank you so much for your message and support, for everyone tbh.. it's been very comforting to get these messages ❤

[etherealjazz]

Untitled 5 & 6

5

I am filled with stupidity and rage

Maybe not rage but hurt

Hurt that i can’t love you

That i cant fill up your time

And be spontaneous and creative

Is it so bad that I care

Maybe reality is worst

To escape a facade of passion and intimacy and emotional bondage

To know that the Ecstasy i feel when our lips touch

That feeling when you roll your hips to touch deeper into my soul

That soul shattering contact of your hand around my neck

Maybe it isnt worth the pain i allow myself to feel

Over the morsel of yourself i recieve

Reality is definitely worst

To see you staring off at another

To know my kisses and hugs will never give you the same euphoric feeling that hers do

Maybe i am selfish and desperate because I’m finally finding a voice to scream out my desires

My passiveness is gone replaced by a woman I’m learning to love

She will scream out for her lover and close the door when she doesn’t hear a response

Her aching heart will be saved by relinquishing the childish daydreams of her past

And maybe she’ll realize it isn’t a knight in shining armor that will save her from herself

But owning up to what hurts and knowing what heals

Untitled 6

I don’t think people can understand my idea of love

What my definition of the feeling encompasses

How it affects me to my core

Sitting here i ponder how others could view love different than this

The meaning that comes to mind for me is an all being feeling-

An emotion that encompasses all others

A kindling fire that breathes passion and hope and intimacy and yearning

So much fucking yearning to be with someone

To feel as thiugh you’re burning when you don’t see them for too long

Thinking whatever they need you will provide

That is where I’d like to say my definition ends but it isnt

My love

My sick twisted unworthy love is one where

We need each other

Two souls

Two beings

Bound for all time with not even an idea or understanding of what betrayal is can exist

A love where there can be silence for all eternity but years worth of conversation in one look

One glance and I’d have everlasting reassurance

I want the kind of love that your touch could give me euphoria

Maybe even transcend me into the cosmos

Why can nobody see that this is the true version of love

Is it me

Do i have the definition wrong

Is my dictionary the one that should be burned

Or maybe the others are just shut out

Unaware of what it truly means

How do you even fall out of love

Do you just stand up and walk away

Away from all the beautiful memories you made

Walk away from the connection

I think asking a person to “fall out of love” is the most heart breaking thing someone can gift you

After you put your entire being on a platinum platter and served it fresh

You still arent enough

And now you have to grip that being off of this plate and say I’m okay?

Because someone else has finally rejectwd you?

Oh i don’t think so to think walking away from love is easy would be the most delusional thing ive ever heard

I think I have walked away from love enough to know it takes a long time to finally have my love burnt and spent

Maybe the truest thought that I’ve gathered is that I should’ve loved you at another time

Or maybe just experienced you altogether differently

[sylvie-writes]

Dr. Husband

word count: 5278

pairing: doctor steve rogers x wife reader

warnings: talks about heat exhaustion? there’s nothing graphic, but if the hospital theme bothers you, then this isn’t the fic to read!

prompts (from @/fluffyomlette): “Your pulse is a little high. Is it because I’m holding your hand?” and “You’re not supposed to pick favourites, doc.” “Trust me, if I didn’t, you’d be dead by now.”

a/n: this just popped in my head about a month ago and i had to write it for no explainable reason. i really couldn’t think of a title oops. if you all have a better idea please tell me so i can change it lol.

please excuse any mistakes!

Summer was finally in full force, blazing sun rays beamed down on the dry ground and once gorgeous flowers drooped in dire need of water. Sounds of children playing outside, pool water splashing as a result of cannonballs, while lawnmowers whirled to life and laughter from the watching wives resounded this afternoon. In your neighborhood, it was tradition that the women would get together every other Saturday and have drinks in the cul-de-sac while their husbands had unsaid competitions of manicuring their yards. Unfortunately for you, your husband was a doctor and that meant little time for him to do the yard, and you didn’t have children at the moment that could go play with the others. The women who were your neighbors were a bit too picky choosy for your taste. They only seemed to bond over their children and sitting around home, two of which you didn’t have or do, so you weren’t ever truly invited to their day-drinking. It was actually fine with you as these people were so hot n’cold and you were just tired of trying to fit in with faux friends. You had plenty of true friends and then your husband who was a child of his own.

For three weekends so far, Steve had told you he’d cut the lawn and as much as you wanted to believe him, you knew that he was so exhausted from work and being on call a majority of the time, that he would never find the hours to do so. That was okay with you because what he did was important and you weren’t gonna be on his ass like the feds about the yard when you could easily do it yourself. It wasn’t like he was just sitting around, no, he was working so you just decided to cut the lawn yourself, something you’d done plenty of times before. 

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Unfortunately the day you chose to do so, the sun was out blazing and a simple walk out the door was a trip to an off-brand hell. Instead of making a wise decision and waiting to cut the grass in the evening, you chose the latter and decided to cut the grass at noon, the very time the sun was in full shine. 

Dressed in attire for yard work and having already eaten a sandwich for lunch, you headed out the garage door to tackle the mess there in hopes of finding the push mower within. Steve’s father, Joseph, had given you both a lot of his lawn equipment, but the riding mower was broken at the moment and you (again) stupidly decided to push mow the almost two acre lawn. It took a good half hour to get the darned thing out on the driveway and while doing so, you noticed that your neighbors, the wives to be exact, had decided to come out for one of their occasional and somehow spontaneous get-togethers which consisted of unattended kids drawing with chalk as their mothers sat a few feet away dipping their feet in the small splash pool. You often found the idea both inventive and funny. 

For only a second more did you let your attention linger on the group before returning back to fill the lawn mower with gasoline. After doing so, you tossed on a pair of sunglasses and went full steam ahead with cutting the grass, disregarding the rising, and very unsafe, temperature. 

About an hour in, the temp had already risen to be above 100 and something no one should have spent any longer than half an hour in. Steve had always said you were stubborn at all the wrong times and boy was he right. You had just finished up half of the front yard and quarter of the back yard. It was mad that you were actually thinking about pushing mowing two acres, especially in this unruly weather. 

You were so determined and when your mind was set on something, you let all other matters slip away, including regards for your own health. The unusual amount of sweat on your skin seemed to go unnoticed by you as well did the growing headache. 

Finally, about half an hour later, more of the backyard was finished and your inner saboteur continued to influence your goals. 

“Just finish this half and you will be close enough to the end,” translated into “Just finish the whole yard, you might as well since you are this close.” 

This was the worst mindset to have, especially with the given circumstances as you had been out here for at least two hours, no drinks of any sort, no real breaks aside from fueling the lawn mower, and no cares to the worsening symptoms that now included noticeable dizziness. 

The lawn mower eventually ran out of gas and you went to refill it once more. Making your way through the front yard, your unknown adrenaline rush came to an end along with the machine’s power. It wasn’t until your vision started to star and blur that you finally noticed your decline in health, but by then it was too late and you were on the plush and groomed grass of the front yard. Ironically, you noticed the fruits of your labor since you were currently laying on it.

Five minutes had passed since your drop to the ground and one of the ladies out in the court, Genevieve, noticed your figure, quite the contrast to the viridescent grass. Despite that she thought you were “demented” for cutting the grass yourself, she knew you weren’t unhinged, so to say, that you would just lay on the grass as it would serve no purpose to do so. She didn’t take you for a nature lover either so this was not normal. 

Genevieve squatted down in the lawn, her sparkly sandals reflecting in the sea of green. Unknowing of what to do, the woman in a panic threw the back of her hand to your forehead and you burned hotter than a metal kettle. By time she stood, the other ladies had gathered around and were now circling in mass hysteria as if they were staring at a dead body and not your unconscious, yet breathing frame. Many long seconds later, Priscilla, who was Genevieve’s closest friend and who despised you as much as you did her, decided to call 911. The other moms then left to go usher their children away from what they described as a “traumatic experience” and back to their large homes for some sort of last minute luncheon. 

Eventually, an ambulance arrived in your usually quiet neighborhood, something that was clearly displayed as almost every neighbor popped their heads out of their houses in sheer curiosity. Their nosey nature often bothered you but was normally put behind some sort of service act such as a baked cake or bottle of wine just to be invited into your house. You didn’t miss the way your neighbors would study your house when they were finally welcomed in. Steve was much better at hiding his cross nature and would return some compassion of his own while you struggled to bottle your annoyance and sealed it with a forced smile. As luck would have it though, you were knocked out and couldn’t give them a piece of your mind for staring because heavens know this would’ve been the last straw and no one could have stopped your rant. 

It was when you were in the red wagon and being attended over by paramedics that you noticed you were on the way to somewhere that wasn’t home. 

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

 At the hospital, the doctor and nurses hydrated you back to reality and suddenly you appeared in a bed, a doctor standing at the side with a clipboard in hand allowing your mind to draw up a million conclusions before you remembered what you had done last. 

The doctor spoke a fast introduction and he then moved on to fill you in on what had happened as confusion still painted your face although when he told you Genevieve’s account of what led up to your ultimate passing out, you visibly cringed at such carelessness that ended up bringing you here. Hundreds of falls, burns, and bruises thanks to your clumsy nature, but this had to be the one thing to send you to the hospital. Some sort of twisted joke it sure was. 

Moving to roll a stool to your bedside, the doctor passed you a cold bottle of water before bringing his eyes to give your IV a quick check as a nurse had put it in not too long before you awoke. 

“Luckily, Mrs. Rogers, your neighbors found you in time and you only experienced severe heat exhaustion. Had you prolonged your exposure anymore you could have experienced a heat stroke. For now, I ask that you rest and I’ll come back to release you.” The doctor expressed his reassurance with a kind grin before walking out of the plain and boxy room that could make one go insane with its lack of liveliness. 

Staring out the open doorway and into the empty hallway, you knew that Steve worked on this very floor, but honestly what were the chances that he’d see you? At one point he’d eventually find out about today’s mishaps, but that was a problem for later when you were more conscious and caring. Letting your worries temporarily go (something that was only happening thanks to your fatigued mind), you slightly shifted into a somewhat “comfortable” position on the stiff bed and rough cotton sheets. Albeit that there was an IV uncomfortably stuck in your arm, you fell into a much needed slumber. 

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Lunch break at last. 

That was all that had been on Steve's mind for the past three hours which had been extremely hectic. Granted, he was used to this fast-paced workplace having worked here for almost a decade, but today was absolutely out of control with injured patients coming in left and right. It wasn’t some sort of bad omen, rather just an unlucky day for many Steve had assumed. He had just finished up with a pediatric case and was now on his way to enjoy the leftover baked chicken salsa that you had made just for him last night and packed for his lunch this morning. You knew how busy his week had been and you took the liberty to make his favorite dinner dish to compensate for the work that had left such a toll on him. A smile immediately overtook his face when he walked in the house last night and that’s when you decided that you would gladly cook anything he’d like over and over again just to see that look of adoration. As Steve held you in his arms at that moment, he kept thinking how he really didn’t deserve you and little did he know, the same thought ran in your own mind. Yet, in reality, you both went together like a puzzle piece to a puzzle. Without the piece, the picture would never be completed and without the other, you and Steve would have never enjoyed life to the fullest. 

Strutting down the never ending hall, Steve passed many doors, some he had been in just a mere hour or two ago. As he walked past an open door and did a double take as he saw a patient asleep, but no sign of anyone else in the room. If he were that patient, he’d want the door shut for some privacy, something which the man highly valued, so he crossed the short distance and closed the door. He didn’t mean to look at the patient for so long as they weren’t in his care and that would be awfully creepy, but Steve could help but do a double take and noticed that the familiar face was, in fact, you. From first glance it didn’t even look like you and that was coming from the man who had studied your face just to commit it to his memory. In a loving way, of course. 

He slowly walked in your room, taking in the image before him of you lying in a hospital bed. His mind had assumed that the worst thing had happened to you and for a moment, Steve’s breathing ceased and his legs were glued to the ground. As his eyes scanned over your body again, his fears were calmed when there were no visible wounds and you just seemed to be resting. Although as a doctor, he unfortunately knew anything could be possible. 

Hunching over the top half of the bed, Steve smoothed your stray hairs away from your forehead and placed an awakening kiss there. You were a light sleeper a majority of the time and your spouse knew that this small action would wake, but not startle you. Every night he’d come home from work and do the same thing except then he knew you were safe and sound. Now, he was just filled with uncertainty. 

“What happened?” Those were the only words he was able to get out and you gave him an answer, just not one that he was looking for. You were already getting defensive and he could sense it.

“Genevieve saw me pass out in the yard and overreacted, Steven. You know they all don’t exactly have good track records with medicine.” You rolled your eyes at the last statement remembering how your neighbors have often nonchalantly tried to get Steve to diagnose them when it came to something as simple as a scrape. Then again, all of your neighbors were in the business industry so that explained their lack of medical knowledge or at least that is the excuse you drew up for them. 

“Nice try, (y/n), but you do have a medical chart and it’s over there,” Steve pointed over his shoulder and towards the doorway where a plastic chart holder sat mounted on the cream wall. “You didn’t just pass out, and the neighbors did not overreact. They did the right thing despite how much I know you hate that. Now, either you tell me the truth or I go read that file.” His tone was serious, but not condescending. Hidden in his eyes was a tad sprinkle of mischief.

Stubborn as ever, you didn’t respond and folded your arms over your chest in a form of defiance. 

Against what is probably legal, Steve picked up your medical chart to read what had happened as you wouldn’t disclose the information to him. Your husband was a worry-wart sometimes and while you appreciated how he doctored you when you were sick, he could be a bit overbearing. A great example would be the time when you were cooking dinner and burned your forearm when taking the casserole out of the oven. 

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

“Babe, dinner is ready!” 

The timer on the oven was currently beeping and you walked towards it. Turning off both the oven and the timer, you grabbed a short oven mitt and reached in to grab the casserole dish off the top rack. As you did so, you lifted your arm a bit too high and hit the side of your forearm on the interior roof of the oven. The temperature was ridiculously hot and the pain was immensely strong that you immediately pulled your arm back, the casserole long forgotten. 

Steve came running in at your string of curses and came in to see you holding your arm and hissing a bit as if that would relieve the pain. He walked closer to you as you leaned up against the island. Your husband delicately took your arm in his hand, raking his eyes over the burn that was soon to blister. 

After a short inspection, Steve placed his other hand on the small over your back and led you to the sink, flipping on the cold water and running it over your burn. Out of the corner of his eye, Steve could see you squeezing your own eyes shut in pain. 

“I know, sweetheart, it hurts, I’m sorry.” He continued to rinse your scalded skin, but turned his head to sweetly kiss your temple. 

A few minutes passed and Steve was content with the rinse job as you had finally opened your eyes, even engaging in some of your jokes that were always said at the wrong time. From the kitchen, the man guided you down the hallway, through your bedroom and into your joined bathroom. He sat you on the edge of the bathroom tub while rummaging through your unorganized medicine cabinet. It was barely ever touched and when it was, it was often in a state of panic hence the messiness of it. Fortunately, Steve found a tube of bacitracin and some cotton dressings from God knows how long ago. At this point he could care less and would rather have you cared for. 

You curiously watched him as he dug through the cabinet and a loving smile grew on your face. How lucky were you to have this man. You were really appreciative of him in times like these especially. 

Said man returned and crouched before you, distracting you from your thoughts as he softly grabbed your hand once more. 

The doctor worked his magic and in no time was your arm wrapped up and lathered in ointment.

“Wow Doc, you did a great job.” Steve was still holding your hand as you quietly giggled in content. He placed a kiss on top of your knuckles and peered up at you with those gorgeous (and borderline seductive) sapphire eyes. Chuckling, Steve murmured against your skin, “Only for my favorite patient.” 

As always, you decided to play along with Steve’s playful banter. “You’re not supposed to pick favorites, doc.” 

Your husband knew your clumsy nature and seemed to have the perfect response, “Trust me, if I didn’t, you’d be dead by now.”

With your non-injured hand you went to hit his shoulder and he grabbed it in faux hurt. 

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“You know, Dr. Rogers, that is a violation and I can actually report you for it.” You lifted your line of sight to see Steve who looked back at you with his lips pressed in a fine line. He shook his head disapprovingly after reaching the end of the report and now looked like he was going to sit back in the seat beside your bed. 

“Hey, what are you doing? They already examined me and I am about to get released.” The man ignored you and instead leaned over the flimsy bed railing. Steve rubbed his hands together in a warming manner before placing two fingers on your next in an attempt to find your pulse. He unfortunately carried that common trait among doctors of having hands that were colder than that of a penguin’s ass. You knew very well this pulse check was useless as you were in conditional health and that he was probably doing this to annoy you. 

“Well I like to do a check of my own. It never hurts to get a second opinion, darling.” Blue eyes squinted at you and you returned the patronizing gesture. 

The free hand that was not on your neck had found its way to hold your own hand and when your husband pulled back, he wore a smug smirk on his lips. 

“Your pulse is a little high. Is it because I’m holding your hand?” 

“You know, your shoulders must hurt from carrying such a big head all the time.” Steve had the nerve to laugh at your elementary grade insult and even though you weren’t really mad, your face would have said otherwise to anyone else. 

“So I’ll take that as a yes then, wifey.” He then quickly dropped to press a chaste kiss to your lips before releasing your hand and sitting down in the chair. 

Looking to the clock on the wall, you focused your vision on the distant numbers to read that it was most likely Steve’s lunch break.

“Are you spending your lunch break with me?” Your tone was now sweet and soft as it usually was towards Steve and his heart leaped at the progress being made. 

“It seems that I am. ‘Was really looking forward to that chicken salsa, though.” A heap of blonde hair rested on your hand that Steve had now laid his head against, still holding tight with both of his own hands. You giggled at his dramatics and ruffled a free hand through his greasy hair. 

“I haven’t eaten anything, you think you could spend your lunch break with me?” His head popped up at this and his face held the eagerness of an energetic puppy. 

“Of course, sweetheart. We can head to the cafeteria. Hopefully they have something good for my girl.” It was now your turn for your heart to swell at his words. Not even a second later though, the sentimental moment was replaced with Steve’s usual sarcastic humor. 

“See, I love you so much that I am willing to sacrifice my precious chicken salsa just to have lunch with you. You should be grateful to have me as your husband.” Steve’s pearly whites beamed at you in a cheesy smile and you gave a dismissive wave of your hand. 

The two of you talked and enjoyed the rare time together for the next ten minutes until Steve noticed you shifting to sit up against the pillows. He thought nothing of it until suddenly you were throwing your legs over the side of the bed and making to get out of the so called cotton prison. 

Waving a finger, Steve tutted you and hurriedly scooped your legs back onto the bed. You looked absolutely peeved and Steve knew it was from the way that he was treating you like a child or better yet, a patient. His wife, the fighter and he, the doctor. Two unlikely personalities but ones that worked best together nonetheless. This made Steve laugh whenever he thought about it.

“You can get up the minute you get released by the doc, okay?” Caring eyes now gave you a pleading look and you felt a small tinge of guilt crawling up your chest at how mean you had been to your husband when he has only been trying to help. 

A knock on the wooden door signaled a visit from the one person you had been waiting on for what seemed to be ages. 

“Speak of the devil.” Muttering the phrase so only Steve could hear you gave him an “I told you so” kind of look. 

The Doctor looked up from the same clipboard as earlier to greet you once he made it in through the doorway, but he was surely surprised by the figure sitting in the chair beside you. 

“Oh Dr. Rogers, what a surprise! So this is your wife I presume? I guess I should have put two and two together,” Your doctor of the moment laughed with Steve who added in a chuckle or two of his own. 

“Yep, this is Mrs. Rogers!” Steve didn’t look at you, but lovingly squeezed your hand that was resting against his, “We are quite the handful so I am surprised you couldn’t tell that she was my other half.” A snicker ended his words and you couldn’t help but do the same. 

Once the short introductions were over, the doctor walked over to do a speedy final exam on what was necessary as Steve watched from the sidelines still getting used to the idea of not being the one doing the examination. He hadn’t been in any other position in the hospital for such a long time that it took some time to get used to the fact that he wasn’t the one diagnosing and rather waiting for the diagnosis. 

The doctor pulled away from hovering over you and now sat back on his rolling leather stool, scooting his way over to the computer and desk. 

“Well I must say, (y/n), that you definitely live up to some of the stories your husband tells.” The other man in the white coat finished up his typing before turning back around to face you and his colleague. 

“Ah, I hope he’s giving me some good street cred,” You teased and from the side you saw Steve shaking his head and chuckling under his breath. 

“I assure you that they were all good things.” With that, the doctor formally released you, walking out of the room to give you some time to redress and such.

You went to get out of the bed for the nth time, but finally succeeded. Your legs felt a bit wobbly upon the first step, and Steve noticed this. He came up to stand beside you and placed a hand on your lower back with the other out in front in case you did fall. Placing your own hand on his scrub clad chest to steady yourself, you silently thanked him with a tender pat. 

With Steve’s guidance, you went to change out of the wretched paper gown and into your shorts and shirt from working outside. It wasn’t exactly the most flattering outfit but at this moment you could care less for the only thing on your mind was getting out of this room.

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The ride in the elevator seemed to move slower than a snail and almost stopped on every floor. You were so crammed by the time you were only on the fifth floor that you used this as an excuse to lean up against Steve. He rubbed your arm and enveloped you in a side hug and planted a kiss on your head. The two of you never cared for PDA but neither of you had realized the onlooking eyes. 

You found it mildly comedic when some of your fellow passengers seemed disgusted that a doctor was handling a patient in such a way. It was definitely gonna be a joke for later on. 

Eventually you made it to the first floor and begrudgingly pushed yourself out of Steve’s warm embrace when the smell of garlic bread hit your nose. 

“Huh, they never cook spaghetti around here. They must know we have a special guest today.” Steve pressed his lips against your ear to jokingly whisper to you as he ushered you out the elevator doors. 

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Standing in line with a plastic tray at the cafeteria made you have flashbacks to middle school lunch and you shuddered at the thought. The memories played back in your mind like a movie and were interrupted (much to your relief) when Steve tapped your shoulder.

“You want this?” Steve held one of the plastic salad containers in hand, the white sleeve of his lab coat draped on top of the other stacked bowls in the open air freezer. 

You nodded and he placed it on your tray, slightly bumping your hips as he walked past to grab a drink.

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For a good twenty minutes, you and Steve sat in comfortable silence in one of the booths until clicking clogs came closer and closer. So close that a shadow loomed over your table conveying that someone was here to speak. 

“Dr. Rogers, I don’t think it’s entirely wise of you to have lunch with your patient. Actually, it’s quite inappropriate.” The older woman in burgundy scrubs pointed her gaze to the hospital band on your wrist and both you and Steve started laughing upon noticing. So that explained all the weird looks.

“Oh no, Dr. Williams! This is my wife (y/n),” You politely beamed up at the woman and set out your hand for a handshake. At this, her unenthusiastic expression changed to one of apologetic and she shook your hand with much grief as Steve continued on with his introductions. 

“(y/n), this is Dr. Williams. She is the medical director for my department.” 

“Wow! I’ve heard many wonderful things about you, Dr. Williams.” She went to return the praise before a beeping in her coat pocket signaled the time for her departure. 

“Duty calls, but I’ll have you know this one here never shuts up about you. It was nice to finally put a face to a name, (y/n),” You glanced at Steve and noticed he was sheepishly grinning and turning redder by the second. So much so that he was hiding his face in his palms.

““I hope you have a quick recovery as well, hon!” The standing woman gave you a nod of her head and then turned to your husband whose face had finally regained its color. “As for you Steven, I will see you later. You have another resident to deal with today.” Dr. Williams sighed at the thought, waving you both goodbye and soon enough she was out the double doors of the lunch room. 

“Ooh babe you’ll have to tell me how all of that goes.” Spooning some spaghetti into your mouth, you goofily raised your eyebrows at Steve. 

“Trust me, it is not fun at all. When I was a resident, I would have never acted like some of the people I’ve trained!” 

You snorted, “Uh huh. Sureee.” 

“No really,” Steve’s eyes widened and he leaned over the table like he was sharing some sort of secret with you, “The audacity of some of these people.” 

“I think you are just an old man now, Stevie, and can’t keep up with the times.” The blond screwed up his eyes and stuck his tongue out at you. 

“Oh hush and finish your food, Miss. ‘I am soooo young’.” A napkin flew at Steve’s chest and the two of you laughed at the childish antics that had just ensued. 

Just as both of your styrofoam containers became empty, an unpleasant ringer sounded in Steve’s pocket, just like the one of Dr. Williams’s departure. Once he gave the screen a swift peek, he looked back up at you with a long face. 

“You gotta go?” Golden strands bobbed up and down as Steve nodded and you grabbed his hand. 

“It’s alright! Thank you for spending the time with me today, though. I really appreciate it. Thanks for putting up with me, you know how I am sometimes.”  

The larger hand encompassing yours gave a sympathetic squeeze. 

“Oh darling, anytime, you know that. If you need anything, call me okay? I will try my best to answer.” 

The temporary silence that filled the room was now replaced by annoying buzzing from the device that Steve had silenced for the moment. He irritability took it out and shoved it back in his pocket. Normally this didn’t bother Steve because this was his job, but since you were here, having just been sick, he wanted nothing more than to drop everything and focus on you. Knowing that was impossible, he tried his best to juggle both yet it seemed that the world wasn’t gonna wait on him. 

“Do you want me to call Ma to come get you? I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. Her and Dad love your company.” For the moment, Steve appeared to look like he was ignoring the constant beeping, but you knew internally he was already out of the cafeteria and sprinting down the halls.

“No no, I’m fine, honey,” The doctor stared at you as if he didn’t believe you. “I mean it, Steve. I am fine. Now shoo.” 

Dr. Rogers shared another laugh with you before pecking your lips and running out the room shouting, “I’ll see you later!” 

He really was too good for this world. 

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a/n: i really enjoyed writing for doctor!steve, so if anyone has any ideas that involves him and that you’d like me to write, send it in! <3

taglist (is open!): @memissbee @tricereads @buckybarnesthehotshot @bval-1 @tonystankschild @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @turtoix @kelbabyblue @jakiki94 @aubreeskailynn @calirindo @lady-elena-adeline @siriuslyslyslytherin @sushiinmidnight @patzammit @iwik3it

[stxleslyds]

It seems like you have a negative opinion on all non-Winick characterizations of Jason in the comics. But do you hate them all equally? Could you rank all non-Winick comic depictions of Jason from best to worst characterization? Or maybe give them a letter grade?

Hi friend! This is a bit funny to me because I really didn’t expect people to be so vocal about me being such an annoying person when it comes to Jason’s characterizations. I can’t promise that I won’t complain anymore but I will try to be kinder.

But I won’t start right now, because I really want to make this ranking, it will go from best to absolute worst! I bet you guys won’t know who is in the deepest circle in hell! Place your bets everyone!

This is the level that gives me joy! (Yup, I put a writer that only wrote ten pages of Jason content as the best, please don’t call me out on it).

Matthew Rosenberg: I love him and I love what he has done with Jason, I have only read ten pages of his work while writing Jason and he already has me hooked. Like I said in that one ask/post, I think he will make some amazing things with the Jason that we have now and I still believe that. Little shit and competent Jason Todd, I am glad you are here.

Peter Tomasi: This one is a little checky because his run is out of comics canon, but his Arkham Knight Jason Todd and the way he wrote his origin are absolutely stunning.

Marv Wolfman: His Robin Jason was really good and I am really glad that we had those comics in which we could see Jason in an environment that didn’t include Batman. I was like looking at what Jason could have been if he had stayed with the Titans’ instead of keep on being Robin in Gotham with Batman.

This is the level in which I can still like some things about the story even though in general I didn’t enjoy the book.

Joshua Williamson: Yeah, but he is only here because his story seemed interesting, my issue as I have said before is his subplot “romance” and the fact that he seems to be the kind of writer that wants to push the “Batfamily” dynamic. Otherwise, his Jason characterization when it came to him not liking working for the Magistrate was really good, sadly it was overshadowed by all the bad that I just really didn’t enjoy at all

Chip Zdarsky: Tyler (Blue Hood) and Jason working to rid Gotham of a drug really brought me back to the good old days. I also really liked seeing the parallels between Jason and his mom with Tyler and his own mother, it felt like a good way to start a connection and develop a Red Hood story. Sadly, the book as a whole was shit and it ended horribly but there were some interesting moments.

Now we are looking at the level where I just wonder: Why?

Paul Dini: Why? His Jason really did a 360, and I meant it, I really don’t know what the point of Jason taking the mantle of another dead Jason was. His Red Robin was just a Red Hood in a different suit and that was that. I understand that they wanted to kill him because he was an anomaly and all that but, he just really felt out of place in that event. This was the first warning: Jason Todd/Red Hood only works on a street-level, stop trying to make everyone dimension jump and all that DC.

Bruce Jones: Hey! I forgot about this guy in the last post! He sucks! And his arc in Nightwing is the epitome of the question: Why? I get it, DiDio wanted to kill Dick and then have Jason take over as Nightwing but Dick didn’t die at the end of Infinite Crisis, he was still alive there was no reason to have Jason dress up as Nightwing and going on a killing spree, also, the tentacles? Really? Annoying and weird.

Scott Snyder and Tim Seeley: I ask why but I know why. This was a desperate attempt to use Jason in stories because they couldn’t use Dick Grayson. It was also weird because being there only pushed him more towards the Bat-Clan even though he had his Outlaws team going on. It was just weird and they were also big on unnecessary “romances”.

This is the Skrull Jason level. Here I see, hear and feel no Jason Todd.

Grant Morrison: Grant needed a villain and all they could come up with was this weird as red-haired-pill-headed-Red Hood and DC said “sure, why not?”. There is no real way to find UtRH Jason in this version of Jason and that for me is a little bit better than still seeing the Jason that I loved in whatever this was.

Tony S. Daniel: This one sucks the most because it isn’t that Jason is unrecognizable its just that Jason is the exact opposite of who he would have become. Everything about this Jason seems to come from the Upside Down. Him saying that Gotham needs Batman so he will be Batman and he needs a Robin was the wildest take that I have seen about Jason. I have no other words for it.

Hell.

James Tynion IV: whoever invited this man to this party needs to understand that they made a big mistake. All Tynion did was overpower the living hell out of Jason for a fight that wasn’t big enough to become a Batman/Red Hood event. The fight was so lame and so stupid, if Jason had learned the ancient martial arts move in the All-Castle and the used that and the All-Blades to defeat Ra’s it would have been more than enough, but in New 52 writers really wanted to make Jason look like the most experienced and best at being a hero when Kory and Roy were standing next to him.

Scott Lobdell: He sucks, New 52 was just terrible, there was nothing that I liked from it, character assassination for everyone, nobody was treated well there. He wrote a self-insert version of Jason and it was noticeable because Jason was trash in New 52. Rebirth was better but that didn’t make things better for Jason because Lobdell started to fuel the “Jason was guilty for his own death” and “Jason was a reckless Robin” narratives and here we are today. Lobdell danced around his own stories, his characterization of Jason and he never gave a fulfilling ending to any of his arcs. Some characters we only saw once some others simply disappeared. Nothing ever truly started or ended when it came to his writing.

Ginnungagap.

Geoff Johns: to him all I will say is: comprate un bosque y perdete.

Thank you for the ask! I had fun doing this! I wish you have an excellent day!

[streetsandsodiumlights]

so my new official lore is that i wear HAND LIMITERS which give me -3 dex but they neutralize my negative constitution modifier. if i take them off i get +3 dex, but my constitution goes back to -3 and i have disadvantage against everything that involves Using My Hands.

i also get a counter which counts Carpal Tunnel Points, or maybe Wrist Hurty Points? can’t decide which name is better, but if i accumulate too many of them i get a -5 dex modifier and take 1d4 damage for every hand-intensive task i did while not wearing the HAND LIMITERS.