#trying to remind myself that writing and posting is supposed to be fun… so sad snippet it is!

[softodettes]

How did a person move on from something like that?  Violet wasn't sure. She'd been trying for four years, after all.  Every time she thought she'd finally moved on, finally buried their relationship for good, she pulled up his social media accounts and spent hours scrolling through his sparse posts, searching for meaning in his bland captions, or stalking his friends' pages for a glimpse of something she hadn't yet seen; or she lost herself to her memories, of him, of them, both good and bad, while staring blankly at whatever was in front of her.  Moving on was an art form, clearly, one she hadn't yet mastered, or learned the rules for; she didn't know if she ever would.  She wondered if Xaden had cracked the code, or if he was just as miserable as she was at times.

[nacho-calamity]

(Spoilers for the Negaduck comics) My thoughts on Mega-Negaduck:

This is just a big ol' opinion dump post to empty my brain, nothing all that important.

Having read the rest of the Negaduck comics (so far) gotta admit, Mega-Negaduck was a huge let down. 😓

This guy was the entire reason I was so eager to finish the series, because I had seen him on the issue 8 cover, and as the resident enjoyer of robot-replica antagonists, this ofc had my interests piqued.

On paper, “Robot copy of Negaduck” admittedly is a slightly odd concept. (An evil lookalike of the evil lookalike?) but I was still hopeful he would be cool, his character design actually does look pretty rad imo, so I had my hopes up! His design vaguely reminded me of Toc-Man from pac-man world, (a character who the more I thought about it, did actually bare a lot of similarities to Negaduck in personality), so in my mind I was envisioning something similar to that, which had me excited.

Alas, he didn’t deliver. :/

Ok, first let down. He's not even like a "sentient" machine...he's more like an Alexa/siri thing? Like, an A.I. but not one that really "thinks" he's not really a character? Honestly, he was basically just like chatGPT but for evil schemes, Just "Mega-Negaduck, plan me a bank heist" essentially is his purpose. Which while not as cool as him being a character, did bring me a few laughs, because (idk if this was intentional or not) he ended up feeling like a critique/satire of Generative AI? XD (Negs complains about how he can only just barely imitate his work, but without any of the creative thought behind it, and he complains about how "lazy and uncreative" the league of villains are for relying on this stupid robot to think for them. I'm dying guys, the allegory of Negs as a frustrated creative continues. Just like me fr fr-) That had me thoroughly amused tbh. Love me some roasting of AI slop! >:D So I was able to get over him not being "Negaduck meets metal sonic" and just accept him as a fun little spoof character. He had some value as a parody.

Then the "twist" hit. Apparently, this bot basically doesn't do anything, and it's just the mad scientist character making the robot say whatever she wants it to?? Whu-HUH??? It doesn't even like...generate schemes the way I thought it did, it's just basically a glorified puppet?? So now he doesn't even have the AI spoof thing going for him, he's just like...a really overdesigned glorified ventriloquist puppet. wow, so cool/j I try not to be so critical of other people's writing, because I am no professional, and am extremely inexperienced with writing myself, but you don't have to be a chef to not like a dish, so I'm giving my two cents here regardless. This "twist" felt like it was arbitrarily put here because "hey wouldn't it be cool if we did a twist" and not because it needed to be there or adds anything of substance. They just kinda throw this tidbit in randomly at the last millisecond, and I have no clue what it's supposed to add. It actually made the comic less enjoyable to me personally, because Mega-Negaduck got reduced to being...basically nothing, for...what reason exactly? Because they wanted a twist I suppose.

Gonna be real, I'd have preferred if they went the Super predictable route, and just had Mega-Negs gain sentience and rebel against his creators and fight Negs. Predictable, sure. But infinitely more entertaining? Definitely!

Honestly, I'm sad they did this boy dirty by NOT doing something actually cool with him. Waste of a perfectly good character design!! Look at him!! >:0

(I'm still tempted to draw him, ngl. He looks very, very cool cannot deny)

Sorry for the opinion dump, and I mean no disrespect towards the writers, I'm just one opinionated person on the internet whose words don't really mean more than anyone else's here, so if you liked this arc than cool, zero hate, personally I just felt let down. (Especially after how much I liked the first ones.)

[sualne]

20 questions for fic writers

@syrupfog tagged me! yeayy <3

1) how many works do you have on ao3?

currently five, but i used to have another account with two more (i think? i deleted it all and it's been a minute)

2) what's your total ao3 word count?

65,930!

3) what are your top five fics by kudos?

1. Worm in a Birdcage 2. The Villa in the Meadow 3. Learning Shame 4. The Opportunity of a Lifetime 5. Hunters & Family

4) what fandoms do you write for?

one piece but i used to write for bnha and [redacted].

5) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

I want to so bad but i don't know what to say, i think i'll just go with a bunch of heart emojis for those ones and try my best for the ones i really want/need to make a proper sentence for.

6) what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

technically Worm in a Birdcage but it's a pilot for the vamp au so even if it's completed to me it doesn't really count as an ending, i still have yet to finish a fic ○|￣|_

7) what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

again no endings

8) do you get hate on fics?

not currently (though i've been stressed) but when i was in middleschool i kept getting unwanted criticism for a certain someone for years. nothing was ever good and around 14 something broke. i wasn't able to write a single thing (including school work) until my twenties and even then i had to start by writing them sleep deprived and insane and post them as soon as i could before i could delete it all. now i can easily write hundreds of thousands words in a day and i've been having a lot of fun even when i'm struggling with it :] i still have the bad habit of rewriting and deleting it over and over until i go "good enough, whatever, fuck this thing" and post it but i'm working on it.

9) do you write smut?

alas it is necessary for the plot lmao. i think it's fun how there's a little bit of everyone in the world, ppl will write smut and go "arg! there's plot now! they can't do it just yet, noooo!" and then there's me kicking a rock a grumbling "for the plot, it's all for the plot and the characterization, why'd i put the foreshadowing in the butt fuck, hell."

10) do you write crossovers?

nope

11) have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12) have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13) have you ever cowritten a fic before?

technically yeah! the fic was never published though, but it was fun working with someone on the same project!

14) what's your all time favorite ship?

i'll have to say lulawlu & kidkiller cause i'm too one piece obsessed to remember about everyone else but they are other ships that own my soul.

15) what's the wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

honestly, all my wips; i want to finish them all, i'm so sad i haven't gotten to finish anything yet! the vamp au was always more vibes and atmosphere than very concrete and planned plot so it's been difficult to write, i think i should've gone multimedia with it (technically i have with the art and comics but i really wanted to make animatics too) i think it would've been best to translate feelings and mood how i wanted rather than hard plot media like writing.

16) what are your writing strengths?

i have no idea 👍

17) what are your writing weaknesses?

getting too worried if it's any good and driving myself mad rewriting it forever and ever

18) thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i forgot i'm already writing the whole thing in another language so i was going to say "i've been asking ppl about italian & brazilian portuguese and side-eyeing the german i was supposed to learn for the six years i've allegedly studied it for the villa fic because i think it's fun to throw some in. i don't know what language specifically in canon those characters speak but i like throwing in reminders that other languages than english do exist. plus there's an opportunity for puns! it's also a good excuse to learn, i've been wanting to learn italian since it's in my family but i don't have anywhere to use it and any tangible reason to do so except "cause i want to" so it motivates me! there probably won't actually be much of other languages in the fic but even then i'm glad i learned about them!"

19) first fandom you wrote for?

one piece! when i was 11/12, i've come back full circle writing about law again lol

20) favourite fic you've ever written?

the Villa in the Meadow so far has been the most fun to work with! even though the process to get the first chapters out and ready was like a years and a half long difficult digestion.

tagging: whoever wants to? i'll tag @thyandrawrites cause i loved reading your work and i've been meaning to go back to it <3 no pressure tho.

[outer-spec]

OCtober 2024 ⭐ Day 4: Under-Appreciated OC

The first OC that comes to mind for this prompt is Juno, because she's supposed to be the main character, but I feel like she isn't as fleshed out as her friends. character traits that she has that i love:

does not give up, she will wear herself down to the point of exhaustion first

complex about trying to save/help as many people as possible, gets sad if she can't save someone

knows martial arts

she acts more chill and good-natured than Steve and Tora, who are really petty.

basically the caretaker of her friends, they go to her for advice, and she has to remind them to not do stupid shit.

usually shes the only sane man. but occasionally acts deranged. examples:

crazy determination, as previously stated

represses so much shit, to focus on fighting for the greater good

lowkey kind of a gun nut

every once in a while, the tables turn, and she does some stupid shit herself. and her friends have to step in for her. because thats what she did for them

attracted to stupid people

part of her arc is figuring out that her current boyfriend isn't right for her, and breaking up, and then getting a girlfriend.

so. much. angst.

i want her to be able to relax in the post canon. actually i want everyone to relax post canon. i think after you save an alternate version of earth, u should get paid at least enough to retire forever. i want them to be happy

also, if possible, id like to flesh out "Dale" more, and give him a different name. i want to also flesh out the other minor characters in hexagon. so far Dr. Moss, Terry, and Charlie all have their own toyhouse pages, but i have other vague ideas for background characters that i wanna make more concrete eventually.

anyway outside of hexagon, some other characters that should probably get fleshed out more:

the various ocs that i posted about on Day 2

Petra - shes part of her own fantasy world that i made ages ago but mostly forgot about

space robots - i love these guys so much!!! i feel like i should make a secret third space robot, like a dog that represents twilight

literally every other character in the untitled robot game (i ran out of character ideas)

since the alien cats are loosely based off of scientology lore. i think it would also be funny to base some of the robots off of lesswrong and e/acc ideas. im sorry, but cults have the best scifi worldbuilding.

ok but this is a bit of a random tangent but: scientology lore, especially the Xenu story, talks about powerful alien organizations that use psychological manipulation to oppress people. the church of scientology portrays itself as being the opposite of these organizations, but someone who is anti-scientology could also write about these organizations to make them allegories for the church. on a similar note you could also use the paperclip maximizer as a metaphor for big tech corporations that waste resources and hurt the environment. or use the ai box thought experiment as a metaphor for charismatic cult leaders.

also since my MCs are based off of vocaloids. i do plan to use vocaloid characters as inspo for some of the other characters, but not completely.

OCtober is by @bweirdart

(ps: i had a thing for day 3 all written out beforehand, but i forgot to post it cause i was so busy with schoolwork, so its under the cut)

OCtober 2024 Day 3: Old OC

technically i don't know who my oldest oc is, because ive literally been making up little guys in my head ever since I was capable of forming memories. but heres some honorable mentions:

when i was in ~5th grade i was obsessed with dragons, so i bugged my mom to sew me a dragon hoodie for halloween, and she did, and i had lots of fun. the dragon hoodie was so cool that in my head, i invented a story about girls wearing magical dragon & unicorn pajamas that turned them into those creatures in another world or something, i forget most of the details tho.

one time i was walking around the playground and talking to myself. and i came up with a story about dragon people living in this isolated town where nobody was allowed to leave. the town was ruled by this dragon named "Firelord" and it was surrounded by this huge ring of fire. some dragon kids escaped though, to figure out what was actually going on.

it turned out that Firelord was one of four quadruplets with magical powers, they were Earthlord, Waterlord, Firelord, and Airlord. but they had an evil younger brother named Hypnolord, who wanted to take over the world, and had everyone trapped in his evil skyscraper prison. So Firelord made the town where nobody is allowed to leave, to protect everybody. fortunately the dragon kids defeated Hypnolord, and saved the day.

i was really into legos and dragons. so for my birthday my mom went on ebay and bought a bunch of the baby norbert lego figure in different colors. while listening to music i imagined them in music videos in my head, eventually each figure had like. its own personality.

also when lego elves came out, i bought all of the lego elves dragon sets. and each of those baby dragons also got their own personality too.

I had this oc Max, who was a stupid teenage boy, and his little sister Megan was like this child genius. originally Max was supposed to be super depressed and edgy, but eventually evolved to be totally different.

Max and Meg weren't actually related. they were adopted by a talking cat that was their dad. the cat was british

also sometimes Megan had this other friend who was a child serial killer. she had the same black hat as that one xkcd character that has that hat, becuase theyre both eeeeevil.

i drew so much fanart of them, i cringe to remember what my art style was like then   

you can probably tell that i liked dragons as a child

[ghost-proofbaby]

CURRENT FIC UPDATES

hi hello so i wanted to make a post just to update you all where i stand with current wips, what my priorities are, etc.

below is a list of my current wips in order of priority (just based on how frequently i have found myself writing/thinking/inspired for them. none of these have been sent to the wip graveyard. if they're on this list, it means i have a current chapter for them in progress that i have written on within the last month.)

THE MOON WILL SING (I LOVED YOU LIKE THE SUN)

so uh... surprise? new fic in progress? masterlist with details will get posted tonight. possibly the prologue. it's been one that's fun and coming to me easily, which i desperately needed lol (also sensing that a majority of you might not read because... it's not eddie.)

SO SCARLET (IT WAS MAROON)

i know it's been a while since i've updated this one, but it's my baby. i'm not dropping it. we are crawling to the finish line with this one i swear it.

SO MORDOR IT IS

i'm well aware THIS one has not been updated in a VERY long time. latest chapter has been a wip for a while. i'll admit, i'm very close to putting this one on an official hiatus (already sort of feels like it's on hiatus, doesn't it?) solely because i've struggled with feeling like i lost the essence of willow and eddie. and that's just sad. they're my favorite couple i've ever written. but as of right now, it's an active fic. just... low on the prioritized list because low on inspiration i suppose?

outside of those three, i have the smut prompt requests that i am prioritizing request wise for valentine's day! if you've sent me a request recently, just know i try to go in order of when someone sent them. i also have some really old requests that recently sparked some ideas? basically outside of those fics i'll probably be posting small things here and there for shits and giggles. gotta remind myself this is fun, folks.

i don't have an update schedule or even an estimated posting for any of the above beyond the moon will sing. i can say for sure that prologue is either being posted tonight or tomorrow. and i know that means nothing, because none of y'all have read or care for it yet! that's totally fine! i'll do my normal warnings post if i am about to update maroon or mordor, but for now, we're just cruising. i recently changed jobs sort of, and i'm in the process of possibly having to move. life is lifing.

i wish you all a wonderful night, and thank you for caring about my words <3 y'all are lovely and i'm giving all the forehead kisses.

[thesearemymonologues]

This is going to be my first post, so I may as well introduce myself. I'm Fronde, a long time Tumblr user, but not a very active one. I don't really post anything in my main account, I just reblog. I'm a 20-something human and English is my second language.

So, why did I open this blog?

I was reading a Young Adult novel in which the protagonist likes to write her thoughts in some kind of Tumblr-like social media. This reminded me of the many blogs I used to have while I was a teen and how much I miss writing daily. They were private (I only let my friends read them), but it was a nice excuse to ruminate about my dreams, about how I felt about life - the seasons, the books I read, the little things. The novel I was reading these days inspired me to come back to this hobby. I've never written in Tumblr, and I don't know if this will become a habit, but I feel excited to start this and I think that's beautiful enough to give it a try. I think it'll help me sort out my thoughts when they don't let me focus on my tasks and it'll be a good practice to write in English.

I didn't know how to call this blog, but while I was thinking about a handle my mind drifted to Taylor Swift's classic monologue song. So I found it fun to call these my monologues.

As of what you can expect here, I'm not really sure myself. These past blogs I talked about never had a theme other than me musing about anything I was interested in. I may talk about my hobbies, about experiences I like (visiting a new place, like a cafe, a cathedral, an archive), probably about things that aren't ever that important. This is going to be as random as your regular shower thoughts. I do want to try and be more creative with my prose, though I need to read a bit more in English and it'll take some time for me to become more skilled.

To be honest, I'm not really sure how should I tag these posts, or if there's a community of similar blogs. I suppose this isn't really different from a personal blog, but it's more focused on writing my own stuff rather than just reblogging. I guess it'll be a matter of time until I learn my way around here. If anyone wants to interact, be free to do so - I've opened the asks and, even if these are called monologues, it's always nice to know about other people's opinions.

Welcome to my monologues! ❤️‍🩹🎉

As you can see, I'm using Kirchner's 'Marcella' as a profile picture. I feel like Marcella looks a bit sad in the painting, so I'll probably change it in the future. I do think the nostalgic and pensive vibes of Marcella suit this blog, but I wanted to be clear that this is not going to be that emo. Life is weird and confusing, but it's also full of wonders. These years, I prefer to stay on the optimist side of things - it's kind of a form of resistance. It doesn't mean I won't ever write depressive thoughts, since sometimes all I want is to complain shit away just so I get it out of my system, but I'll try to maintain a balance.

[beck-a-leck]

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

For the writing ask meme. I'm always fascinated by people's definitions of "success" etc when it comes to fanfic (since mine is "I finished writing it")

Okay time to finally get around to answering this after working all weekend!

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

Okay this is a really complicated answer and I'm not sure if i quite have the words to put this the way I want, so a lot of things about this might sound contradictory and I'm definitely going to ramble. But considering feelings are complex and often contradictory, I suppose that's to be expected.

The tl;dr is: I write for myself. I know I can't control other people. I don't let other people dictate my happiness. Share with low to no expectations, always be pleasantly surprised.

I think first and foremost, to not take things personally, I have learned over the years and through much experience, to divorce my sense of self-worth and accomplishment and overall happiness with Other People's Opinions. It's long been a mantra of mine to not let other people dictate my happiness, and that most certainly includes sharing creative projects in online spaces.

It has been a long learning process, and something I still regularly have to remind myself of, to separate my joy/fun/accomplishment/pride/enthusiasm and all of the other wonderfully positive feelings of creating something from how Other People respond to it. That's not to say I never feel disappointment and even sadness when something I thought might do better doesn't get the response and reactions I want. When I catch myself thinking that way, I acknowledge the disappointment, but then I remind myself of what I personally got from working on whatever it was.

Things like: I had fun making it. I got to learn something new. I tried out a new ship or trope, or perhaps revisited a favorite. I set a goal and accomplished it. I got to get the ideas in my head out onto paper and shared with the world.

Most simply put: I wrote for myself, and I like the end product, and that is Good Enough. Everything that comes after (comments, kudos, hits, chatting with people about it, etc) is just bonus.

(With obvious exceptions for requests/gift exchanges) For me, writing, or any creative hobby, can be a very selfish endeavor, because I'm writing the stories I want to read. I'm writing stories for my own entertainment. And yes, as contradictory as it may seem, I'm sharing stories because I also want to see how other people respond to them. I'm sharing because I want to feel good, and engage in a fandom community, and get that every so lovely hit of dopamine every time I see someone has interacted with my thing. But I do so always with the awareness that I am my first and most important audience. Again, everyone else is just Bonus.

And when it comes to the actual sharing process of writing, I try to keep in mind that I cannot control anybody else. I can't make people read my fics, I can't make them give me kudos, I can't make them leave a comment, or bookmark my fic, or come to my tumblr and say nice things. And everybody has so many different ways of expressing their opinions for something, that I can't even guarantee something as simple as a Kudos means the same to me as it does to them.

(I don't think Empathy is the right word I'm looking for, but it's the only one coming to mind, so...) but I always try to engage any disappoint I might have with Empathy and Logic for whatever idea of a Reader who might come across my story I have in my head. I'm fully aware that my story (and literally every story ever told) is not going to be for everybody, and therefore, not every person who sees it is going to have a positive (or any) reaction to it. For any number of reasons, they looked at my story and said 'no this isn't for me' and I cannot be mad or disappointed about that because I do the exact same thing. They might even click onto the story, read a good portion of it or all of it, get to the end and say 'actually, I didn't like this' and move on. Or hell, maybe they did like the story, maybe they loved it, but they didn't have the time/internet connection/mental or emotional energy/courage to leave a comment or hit the kudos or make a bookmark and that's okay too. Again, I cannot say I have not done the same thing. (and I have a much longer, more rambling rant about Obligations in Fandom, but we won't get into that here)

I always try to keep in mind that no matter what, any interaction is still one real life human being who saw something I did, and I try to put that into perspective. A fic only having a dozen hits can be disappointing, but at the same time, that's twelve whole people I can imagine standing in front of me and reading something I wrote. Which is actually a lot of people!

And because you brought up the measure of success, which is what this question is sort of getting at without saying the word... I don't know, I guess I don't tend to apply ideas of Success to my hobbies. At least not in the way of "Either it is a Success or it's a Failure." Writing is my hobby, and my hobby is supposed to be fun, not something I do for a grade or in competition. So I don't really think of it in that way.

I think in some way it circles back to Writing for Myself.

There's a part of me that is very at peace with the knowledge that if I never shared any of my stories from this day onward, I would still be happy writing. My writing folder is chock full of half-written stories that I likely won't finish, or ideas I had that only got to being a few hundred words of disconnected scenes and bits of dialogue, and even some stories that are 90% done, but I lost interest in the project and never finished it. But I don't look at those incomplete stories as failures, or even just on a very slow road to success. They served whatever purpose I needed them for, when I had an idea buzzing around my head, someday I might go back and finish them up and share them, but it's just as likely that they'll stay as they are, with only me to look at them.

I try to remove any pressures for myself when it comes to writing, because that is how it works best for me. When things become too pressing and guilt-laden, they stop being fun, I begin to feel burnt out, and when I don't have fun writing, I just don't write. It's my hobby, it's supposed to be fun, and when it stops being fun, then I know it's time to take a break. And, for me personally, setting arbitrary rules or deadlines, and adding unnecessary pressure is one of the fastest ways to kill the fun.

[onmytallesttiptoesspinning]

20 Q's for Fic Writers

tagged by @beautyofsorrow

Fic writer is a pretty generous way to describe me at the moment considering I haven't written in literal months but. We'll go with it.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

270

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

239,970

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Actively? Assorted Star Treks. I've always had a bit of a one-track mind where fic writing is concerned. As a general rule I don't want to write for any other fandoms except the current hyperfixation.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?[[MORE]]

I'll give you the top one, and the fandoms for the other four. I've been on AO3 too long to want to link you to my earliest fics like that: Sensory Overload (or, Five Times Erin and Holtzmann Showed Everyone Else They Love Each Other (And That One Time They Actually Said So To Each Other)) (Ghostbusters (2016)) 2-4 are The Hunger Games. 5 is DC's Legends of Tomorrow.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Uh. I try to. I used to be really good at it. And lately... I am not. If you've ever commented on my fic and I didn't respond, especially in the last 5-6 months, I read it. I love it. If it was particularly nice, I've almost certainly read it more than once to remind myself that I don't suck at this. But I'm fucking tired.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I feel like my answer to this is probably not what some people would say. I love some major character death, but I feel like there's a quiet sadness that permeates every word of how to say goodbye that makes me say it's that, even if the ending itself is perhaps the least sad part of the fic.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I mean. I write a lot of comedy. So like. Lots of my fics have very happy endings. I think my thing is more... hopeful than happy. But I guess, take your pick of the comedies.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. The occasional snarky comment, or occasionally I get yelled at for killing someone off, but I'm pretty immune to them.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not really. I hate writing the mechanics of motion. I like the vagaries of big, messy emotions with relatively little actually happening.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the wildest one you’ve written?

I've done a couple. They're not really my thing, but once upon a time in high school I did write a Xena: Warrior Princess/Twilight crossover. So. I don't think I'm likely to top that anytime soon.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

If I have, I don't know about it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

See above.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Once or twice. I'm honestly kind of possessive of my writing. Definite "does not play well with others" vibes if I'm really into a project. But sometimes it's fun.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I don't really have one. My ships tend to be hyperfixations, and I love it for a while and then I like it fine but am not quite as into it as before. I suppose the one I've had the longest is Sailor Uranus/Sailor Neptune, but like. I don't actively ship it, I just still love it 20-something years later.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

somewhere on the other side of this wide night. I honestly kind of hate it now. I feel like I wrote myself into a corner, and wish I'd gone with my gut and not posted it until I was done with it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm great at snappy dialogue and comedic timing, but I think my character work is my greatest strength. It's what keeps my crack ships believable even when they are utterly not.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Longfic is just not a thing I'm good at, or especially interested in. I thrive in the lower word counts. And the mechanics of motion. I've said it before, but I both hate writing any kind of motion, and also am particularly not good at it.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Generally, no. If I don't speak it, I don't want to attempt it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

It was Sailor Moon fanfiction, written (and illustrated) on notebook paper when I was eleven.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

A Better Daughter (or, Five Times Erin Gilbert Hated Herself) It is certainly not one of my better-liked fics by any metric, and the title speaks for itself as to why. It's older now, and there are things I would do differently if I were writing it today. But writing this fic was like pulling my heart out of my chest and posting it online. At just over 2500 words, it took me a full year to write. But I love this little fic with my whole heart.

Not sure to to tag, I can never remember who does these things. So. @candycurlsofmaddness @ussjellyfish @pilcrowtudinous @dinovia-grant

[virtuousvigil]

i feel. so bad tonight. i'm really beating myself up about not being able to post "wanting wrapped in red" today; i'm scared shitless about not being able to get the other one "fate, forged from failure" up in time either and i literally want to sob about it.

i just... feel so down on myself? my friend keeps reminding me that it's silly to feel that way when the output i've had is literally on par with the level professional writers are at—my wpm is 93 w/ a 98% accuracy rate, and i average anywhere from 2k-6k words a day. typically around 5k, sometimes managing 10k+ on a really good day. that's... literally more than stephen king??? i know for a fact that i'm trying too hard and not pacing myself enough and that its NORMAL for these things to take time. that it's not my fault i saw the event post so late and during finals and that i invested my time fully to my partner when they were here rather than writing the whole time. and yet:

i feel like i'm failing. because despite that ability, i've only been able to actually work on anything for maybe a total of like. idk 10 days all month? i was supposed to do so much more. i couldn't even squeeze in the one prompt i really wanted to do. and i know i overloaded myself by jumping right back into school with no break, especially taking a whole literature and art history class that require a lot of attention... i understand that premise of promise was a hard one to get through, because as beautiful as it is it required me to do a lot of cross-referencing and reworking and research.

but god fucking damnit. i know it's just fanfic. i know the point is to have fun and I AM at the end of it. it's not that i don't enjoy writing. but i am feeling so down and anxious about the idea that i can't get this turned in on time for the event week. cause i just???? (°◠°)

i really want to participate more in things like this and not being able to get everything i had planned in makes me feel like a failure. i'm still bummed about missing out on the T4T zine that amsatasm would have been PERFECT for. i'm sad that i don't have the time i need to make what i want as quickly as i do and even though i logically know it's completely reasonable that it takes me as much time as it does to produce what i'm making, my emotional brain is just yelling that i'm a failure and it's because i'm not good enough, not trying enough, not prioritizing things enough.

i'm literally mad right now because my brain is fried out and can't write anymore of WWIR but i can apparently type all this and complain. i feel guilty for that, for the fact that i'm not working harder, doing more, able to just dump it all out. frustrated that my adhd means every time anything or anyone sidelines me or interrupts i am immediately pulled out of that zone and distracted and it takes sleeping or HOURS of downtime to get me back to a point i can work. i feel like i'm going to disappoint anyone who's supporting me with it, like i'm not going to be able to follow through with anything. and for some reason i am fixated on the idea that if i don't post these fics SPECIFICALLY for the BJW collection that no one will ever read them—which is IDIOTIC. AMSATASM is still my most popular work; i've never once added it to a collection, primarily advertised it here and occasionally bsky and it's by FAR the most successful one i've had. people aren't reading my works just because of a collection it's because they want to read it. yet i can't break that thought that it won't matter if i post these things after the collection cut off.

ugh. i know it isn't healthy or right. i know that my brain is playing tricks on me. i know that this is burnout i refused to address or give myself space for creeping up on me in the form of bad behavioral habits that make me want to push myself harder in response to it to "prove myself" or something. i know it's normal for real life obligations to take priority, that it's GOOD i'm not abandoning my friends or loved ones just to pour myself into my work even if it's kinda sorta all my brain wants to hyperfixate on lately. i know i'm gonna have to take a break and step away for a few weeks/months at some point this year and it just. really sucks. i don't want to. i want to create, i want to share it, i want to connect with others about the things i love and the work i'm doing. i want to inspire others and uplift them and support other creatives while also creating myself. i want to feel like enough, for myself, and i just. idk how to do that right now.

i don't know. it just sucks. it's a rough spot to be in, because i can intellectualize it back and forth for all eternity but it boils down to: i'm disappointed in myself, because i really wanted to be able to completely participate in this one thing and i can't. i won't be able to. i have an unrealistic expectation of myself with this, clearly; but that doesn't stop me from beating myself up for not meeting that standard. i really, really wanted these fics to be in there. i really, REALLY wanted to be able to feel accomplished that way. but it just... isn't possible for me to capture all these ideas this way in this timeframe.

maybe i'll make "fate forged in failure" more than just 2 chapters, break it up a bit more. or even do the same with wanting wrapped in red, so i can get it posted but add to it in a reasonable amount of time? my brain loves to yell at me that no one wants to wait around for me either, so that usually prevents me from breaking things up in chapters (that and i struggle with like... where do i cut it off so that it feels natural/how do i end this etc). but idk. maybe some exposure therapy to doing that is the best course of action. idfk. i just want to scream and cry. it's silly to let myself get to that point but it's not so much about anything other than a resurfaced feeling of failure due to not "completing" things by a deadline. for a decade i completed absolutely nothing; for a lot of that time i even gave up on starting. with art. with music. with writing. with everything—the only thing i routinely kept doing was journaling, and even then i felt awful bc for the longest time it wasn't consistent and i never dated it.

that's not how i operate anymore. i complete things, even if not to the standard i'd like, even when it's late. sure i don't complete everything but most things i do, and i always try to do it well. but this specifically is just flaring up some weird sort of internal RSD thing or some other secret third mental fucked thing that makes me feel like i'm just... a big old failure who can't do anything. cause again i can type all this and even post it like a crybaby but why couldn't i force myself to sit and write another 1k for WWIR or FFFF? or even AMSATASM? why couldn't i have spent this time completing it so that i could post it? and what if now that time wasted is why i miss the cutoff?

...i don't know. it's illogical and infuriating but it's making me so just. sad. angry. annoyed. and now tomorrow i have to manage somehow finishing it up and adding enough to ch1 for FFFF to be able to post by saturday, while balancing the fact that i have a group project for world Lit that i am (as always) the main one orchestrating. on top of all my other coursework. and helping sam because she's going through a bad breakup (not complaining there—i want to be there for her first and foremost, and most of my time away from writing HAS been that the last few days and i don't regret that at all, truly). and chores and feeding myself and taking care of the pets and my health and oh don't forget i have therapy at 10am tomorrow and i still haven't signed my ROI so i can start T and i need to go to the grocery store and i just

i want to cry. i need a clone. i need a weighted blanket. i need a cup of chamomile and a hug. i need a climax in both a literary and physical sense. i need to be able to finish these fics and get them posted, and then i need to go lay in the woods with my hand in the river for an hour while saying nothing and hearing nothing but birdsong and the babbling brook.

for now i guess i'll just go to sleep.

[temporalbystander]

You know, random post out of the blue. I am working on the next chapter (amazing I know) but after watching a YouTube video that made me angry, something has occured to me. Something that's probably not healthy.

Below the cut, I express my feelings in such a way that now requires me to make another post about what I actually meant to write here before I went of the rails.

tldr: A very long talk about how, while I know I can write for my enjoyment of it, my recent muse is anger and spite. Which seems to work.

I think anger and spite is my creativity fuel. I gave up on the episode recaps as Faybon because it was depressing me how far it strayed from the show I loved, the show that gave me hundreds of ideas for one offs and how to create a new character or kwami or akumas. Let me put it this way. I may have shared this before but there was a period of time where I went without a computer. During this time I wrote down any story ideas down in a little pocket notebook and wrote the chapters themselves down in what we call exercise books. Just A4 lined paper during that time I filled two of the spiral notebooks with ideas and reminders on each episode of the first three seasons of Miraculous and the New York and Shanghai movies. In the text books about half of what I first started writing was Miraculous related. I wrote about 8 full chapters that I had a friend read over for me who absolutely loved it. He also loved the Lego Friends "Girls on a mission" chapters I wrote, which also totalled about another 4 to 5 chapters and a small notebook.... What was I saying?

Oh right, my writing. Anyway. In my time without a computer tablet I wrote more for Harry Potter, Naruto, the above mentioned Miraculous and Lego Friends, and even started writing ideas for Dragon ball, the Addams family, TMNT, Kingdom Hearts, a brief bit of the Winx story I never started years ago, and even started 2 original stories. Suffice to say I'm more than capable of writing for my own pleasure.

However, the moment Miraculous season 5 started making me sad I lost all drive. It wasn't fun for me anymore. I was getting the most likes ever on my Faybon watches yet the lack of any feedback made it seem like people were just happy to see screenshots of their favourite show and couldn't care less about what story I was trying to tell through it. I then wavered on what I wanted to do. Roleplaying was flopping, I didn't want to interact with all the people posting about a show I no longer enjoyed because it didnt seem fair to them, and I wouldn't interact with blogs that weren't miraculous related because I didn't feel right trying to insert myself into their worlds as an original character only I knew the ins and outs of. I reblogged all manner of starters and even created my own custom ask setup to learn about Faybon but again, the interest was never there.

Then season 5 ended and I heard about it. I suppose I was still holding out some hope I'd get back into it which is why I hadn't completely purged who I followed (if I had the only miraculous blogs Id follow would be those like Buggachat, so only like 4 of them.) But once I did? Well you saw what happened. I snapped and, in the process of doing so, came up with two brand new story ideas. One an AU that I abandoned quickly because I kind of ruined it before it started with all my posts here about Faybon, and the fact that in an au the OC's stand out even more than normal, especially when interacting closely with the main cast. And then there's my post season 5 story that I've only just gotten back into by reminding myself why I started it. Because I'd envisioned Faybon in such a way that I knew how he'd react to what was happening and what had to happen. If I was upset about how things went? Well, as those who read my story are aware, Faybon was furious. And I needed to write that.

[shmowder]

each day i keep embarrassing myself further over how little i know about tumblr...

im glad that my letters can make you feel better about your writtings... improvement is always there but sometimes you aren't able to notice it so you need others to remind you! that's what I'm here for

the only reason why I've been offline is because I've been trying to get my head off things and trying to strike inspiration for art but it's stupidly hard!!!!! but really I've been doing more than okay, thank you for caring. i hope you're okay too shmowder, and if you're not, that you are soon,🌈❤️‍🩹 <- gay heart

- 🌈

I'm not really trying to improve my writing nor is it even on my mind. I just write for fun and whatever happens happens, as long as I enjoy reading my writing, it means I reached my goals bc I am my own target audience.

Still, thank you for the compliment. The more you do something the more likely you are to get good at it. Skills aside, still being passionate about writing is what I take the most pride in! Passion is usually reserved for those new in a hobby and it runs dry the more you try to focus on toning your skills, as this source of enjoyment turns into another chore, a work to get done.

I'm glad I haven't lost that spark, that It's still fun in my eyes. That this is something I love doing.... Well, that is a lie. I have lost it many times, and I have also reignited it. Writing cause me so much misery and self-loathing before when now it's a source of relief and comfort.

Hmm, for art inspiration, what usually works for me is consuming more art I like. Dipping into experimental terrorises and seeing other's passione projects. The best of my writing came from a line I misread or a conversation with a friend that started as a joke but then turned into art.

Shame and fear are the biggest demotivaters. Shame of your inner desires to make a piece of art that other people deem cringy, fear that you'll always be insignificant, that your art will be lost to the void the second you post it after you poured all of your heart into it.

I especially understand wanting to get offline because of that. Much like I avoid reading other people's fanfics in a fandom I join. Even fanart sometimes leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Your brain can be your biggest enemy, as the habits that once helped you survive and thrive in a competitive academic world are now your biggest downfall in a creative one.

Take as much time as you need. You can do whatever you want forever. Making art is supposed to make you feel happy, or embody your feelings of sadness or else. Art is a reflection, a mirror you errode and shift, a piece of your soul you mould like clay. It was never something to be judged on or deemed worthy or not by, it's not a thing you can measure, there is no objectivity in art, you can't define bad art much like you can't define good art. How can you define something that has defying itself in its nature? Isn't anti-art and parodies also a form of art.

[coqettegirly]

"hello world"

Hello again, to my nonexistent audience (I am thankful no one reads this). I am trying to write this blog in my best English. So, a lot happened while I was away. Life happens that way, I guess. My cousin actually reminded me of Tumblr's existence a few days back so, here I am. reading all my old posts makes me feel so reminiscent and lonely. No one cares about no one on here. It's a blessing in disguise. I can write whatever dumb things I want, and no one knows, and no one cares.

The latest book I have been reading is "Anne of the Island"; it's the third book in the Anne with an E series and I truly look it better than the other two. It dwells on about Anne's love life and her encounters with beau's. I personally like Roy and truly feel sad for him too. He fell in love with the sun, truly. Anyone would fall for it.

I've been crocheting since the start of the year as well. It's been real fun. It feels like the first time in my life when I have started a hobby and mastered it in a matter of months or even weeks. My Dadi initially taught me the ropes but then eventually I was the one teaching her how to make a bag and everything. I really love crocheting. I have started a tapestry yesterday and it's been coming out great. I also have a whole pile of books, but no time to read it. I'm continuously going to tuitions and it's not like I can't read those books, it's just really that I have lost all interest in reading them.

I'm really into kpop and kdramas these days. I've watched a lot by now, currently I'm watching "Hotel Del Luna". It's a really interesting one for sure.

Isn't it crazy? I'll be an adult next year. I'll have to vote, go to college, get a degree, do internships. I'll have to take care of myself. I'll have to go away from my house. I'm really scared. The other day I couldn't even find the right timing to pay, how am I supposed to live by myself? It's really so funny, how time flies by.

On a lighter note, I bought me a really very cute wallet. It's black and has a cute brown bear on it. Just looking at it give me a dopamine rush. I've been keeping myself busy with IT competitions, though I don't like doing a single one of them. It's always stressful and interrogatory. No one appreciates anything and, in the end, we don't win anything. Either way its good learning experience.

I feel like I'm ranting too much so I'll end it here. Goodbye folks!

P.S: I want to become a Data Analyst and do a data science degree, leaving this here so that in the next few years I can reflect on how far I have come on this thought.

[randomidiocyncrazies]

B, H, O, S?

thanks for the ask!!

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

i know i've talked about Dojima/Namatame before, but it's one of those things that i never thought about until i saw a prompt for it on the kinkmeme back in the day??? and once i started thinking about it i feel like... as much of a crack ship this sounds like, there's basis for understanding but also conflict (obviously) that makes them interesting to ship under specific circumstances? though i guess i did most of the work figuring out how their dynamic might look like

also, your pitch for sombra/symmetra makes a lot of sense! while i didn't oppose shipping them beforehand, i was never quite convinced until you broke their possible dynamic down

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

hm, i think i come across animation more often than the other examples listed—i love animation! so from statistics it's likelier for me to be into a fandom of an animated show, and live-action stuff is very hit or miss for me.

for writing fic though, i guess i like books/manga/comics because it's easier for me to find the exact location of a scene that i want to reference?

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

hm. most of my music are OST or songs associated with a specific property, so it's gonna be biased. i guess i'll go on youtube or spotify or something try to find a random song

*15 minutes later*

NEVER SAY GOODBYE (apparently it's an opening for Golden Kamuy, but since idk anything about it* i figure it's neutral enough): it's got an extremely shounen vibe, so Kamina from Gurren Lagann is an obvious shoe-in—he is THE Cool Big Bro in my cultural consciousness after all.

*the only thing i know about Golden Kamuy is that the author loves drawing naked muscly men and there are a lot of animal deaths(?)

just for fun there's another one: YoiYoi KonKon (lyrics)—my Japanese is nowhere near good enough to parse the lyrics, so i'm purely going by vibes alone. the whole thing screams "reckless indulgence", and the mesh of traditional instruments with a modern beat/melody obviously turned my mind towards settings and characters kinda caught between time? not necessarily literally, just that they're lost/losing themselves in some sense. I guess the use of traditional instruments plus the "recklessly losing myself in pleasure to hide/run away from my sadness" kinda made me think of Tsunayoshi (or Tokuko) from Ooku the Inner Chambers, the one where most of Japan were ruled by women bc a freak plague decimated the male population

(also, the vibe of this song reminds me of Tokio Funka a bit)

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

okay so i assume this means "show us an example of a headcanon in your fanworks"?

the headcanon about YukiChie cooking and Yosuke's crappy pics in the (still unfinished) YukiChie fic that you beta'd:

Wounded pride aside, her mother has a point. They can’t rely on other people to cook for them all the time. It’s one of those Essential Life Skills™ that they were supposed to have mastered by the time they finished high school or whatever. Yu’s been making (and generously sharing) delicious lunches for as long as they’ve known him, and Rise’s cooking is perfectly safe as long as she doesn't have access to chili powder. Kanji and Naoto do fine on their own too. Heck, even Yosuke knows how to make staple dishes, judging by all the terrible photos he posts to their group chat at the weirdest times (also: she’s gonna show up at his university dorm and murder him if he ever spams her with blurry homemade tamagoyaki pics at 3 AM again.Yukiko will help her hide the body.) So yeah. They’re way behind schedule at this point, and it’s kind of a bummer to realize their culinary skills are about on par with Teddie’s—probably with him taking the lead to boot.

(I also absolutely think Yukiko doesn't look at recipes because she thinks she should just figure it out on her own)

[ask prompts here!]

[a-lil-perspective]

70 Encouragements/Tips For The Writer:

A/N: Rules don’t exist. These are real and personal and stem from a deteriorating, exhausted Writer who is here to tell you (and herself) that you are amazing and keep going. I hope you find some encouragement within.

Your mental health comes first and foremost.

Indulge and embrace your creative writing pieces when they come (and when they don’t). Especially when they don’t.

Suffering from Writer’s Block or fluctuating hyperfixation? Me too. So is your favorite author. Welcome to the Writer’s Block Party (all my uwus if you see the pun).

Did you spend five hours on this one segment, forget the last time you ate, develop chapped lips, dry eyes, and a stiff back (time to get up and move), bang your head on the wall, laugh, cry, fidget, take your ADHD meds, deviate to watch YouTube, have an epiphany, curse in frustration and wonder why the hell you do this to yourself? Congratulations, you’re a Writer.

Embrace all the not-so-glamorous sides of writing, and accept the fact they’re going to happen time over again.

When you say “just one more line” and it’s 2:00 AM, I’ll be here to remind you to “go to sleep” (because I’m also depriving myself lol).

Actually, sleeping helps your mind feel refreshed, and it’s good for your health. If you’re struggling with a particular segment, one of the best things you can do is just put a cap on it for the time being, put in a placeholder, and get some shut eye. I know you don’t want to. But you will feel so much better and have more clarity and energy to continue when you wake. Trust me.

More often than not, those words you “just didn’t write down fast enough and now forgot” end up revealing themselves to you later in a much more profound way. Give the words time to get ready. They’re just spiffing up before coming to visit. :)

Be proud of yourself and your prose. Writing is an amazing part of who you are.

That trope has been written 1000 times before? Make it 1001.

You’ve already written this scenario? Write it again.

You’ve just written a single sentence. Now sit back for moment and think: you just wrote something brand new, never before seen. Nobody out there will ever write that sentence or formulate those thoughts the exact same way. You are a unique, mind-blowing, awe-inspiring human being.

Bask in the excitement that comes with a completed piece. Reflect on what you learned throughout and celebrate the little victories.

Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback, but also understand that you might not always get it, and that is OK.

Please re-read your work. Be gentle with yourself. You had to write that very first piece to get to where you are now. Love the process.

Your personal writing success is not based off of kudos or likes or reblogs.

There is no right or wrong way to write.

There is no such thing as “good” writing.

Improvement is becoming of everyone so get comfy, strap in. The journey of a Writer is a lifelong one. Here’s to many more works ahead.

Don’t mourn the words you did or didn’t write. Celebrate the ones you will.

One day, you’ll read a piece that will blow you away—and it will be yours.

There is nothing “shameful” about reblogging your own writing works.

I promise you’ll find your “wow” piece—either in something you’ve already written, or something yet to come.

Baby. Please don’t write out of spite. You’re better than that.

You are just as valid/deserving as the next Writer. And you do belong.

If you feel sad/unworthy when sharing your works or interacting with others’, get to the root of why. Writing should be fun, rewarding, and relaxing. Not shameful, embarrassing, or a chore.

Writing (fanfiction, specifically) is labeled as “transformative works”. Self-explanatory, right? However, if you notice the transformative part begin to have a personal effect on you—a negative one—it’s time to take a step back.

Right now, I can name a single quality you possess: diligence. How do I know? Because you’re a Writer, and the two go hand-in-hand.

Got that single scene in your head but you haven’t completed or even began all the chapters preceding? Bruh. Jot that down right now. You don’t need 20k words beforehand.

Embrace your writing mood swings. The stray, sweet and condensed blurbie. The ideal, bridging drabble. The solid, substantial oneshot. The hefty, elaborate 10k word chapter. Appreciate everything in-between, and that you are capable of all of it.

Nobody remembers that extra word or typo or stray speech mark back all the way back in chapter 3. Tell the little monster in your head to go to hell.

You’re not a weirdo for making facial expressions and mulling through your dialogue aloud. You. Are. A. Writer.

It’s OK if the Readers can’t always see exactly what you envisioned in your head, or the full extent of the picture you painted. We all see colors differently.

Don’t be afraid to experiment with your writing.

In fact, challenge yourself to dabble into a new plot/trope/concept every day, even if only for a few minutes. You may discover you love writing it.

There’s no rush to finish/begin any written work. If you take your time, you will make your mark. You’re not falling behind or running late. Slow down and wait for it. :)

Three cheers for hiatus.

Listen to your body and mind, know your limits and when it’s time to take a break.

Actually take a break. :)

If you feel like you’re falling stagnant in creativity, looking to/revisiting other forms of creative media can help encourage the flow.

Ask for encouragement, and be at peace with asking.

Take shelter in fellow writers. Uplift each other always.

You are/will be someone’s favorite author. :)

You don’t have anything to prove. You have something to share.

Someone is thinking about your work right now.

Someone started a series because they drew inspiration from you.

Personal writing style can reflect a lot on the state of one’s mental health. Try to always be attentive to that of your own.

Self-validation must be cultivated early on or nothing will ever work.

Freestyle every once in a while. Write a snippet, timed, and go—without editing. Write the first thing that comes to mind and go from there. Do it all the way through the set time. When it stops, you’ll find yourself unable to. 3,800 words here we come. :)

Not everything needs an outline. :)

It is completely normal to write your story out of order.

Create guidelines for yourself. If they aren’t working, toss ‘em.

Word vomiting can help you feel better (it’s just how it sounds). By clearing all those jumbled thoughts and scattered concepts, you achieve a clearer objective. Try it sometime.

A rough draft is supposed to be rough.

Sometimes the words come to you quicker than others. Be patient. That is merely the construct of a Writer’s mind. You’re a beautiful enigma.

A sentence written is a story progressing.

Writing is an endurance sport. You must pace yourself and exercise it daily.

You are still a Writer even when the words aren’t on the actual page.

You’re not obligated to a writing/posting schedule.

As you progress in your journey and gain more awareness, don’t sacrifice your style. Those beginning works are what define you. Hold onto them and don’t ever let them go.

You’re the only one cringing—

Remember that sometimes words are elusive and you don’t always have control over them, and that is OK. Sometimes they write themselves. Sometimes your characters come to life and break out into dance across your page. Dance with them. You can wrangle them back when the music stops. :)

There is nothing condemning or embarrassing about asking for a beta. Allow someone to help carry the load.

Allow people to cheer you on—even if they don’t read your work.

It’s OK if your writing style isn’t someone else’s preference.

Be your biggest cheerleader. Sometimes you are all you have.

You don’t need anyone’s approval except your own.

You love that trope/concept/story you just wrote? That’s all that matters. The end.

You will never write good. You will write you. And that is good.

Above all else: remember to write for you.🤍

[andrwgarfields]

i sometimes worry about all the other characters outside the main 6, but i try to remind myself it’s typical for high school dramas to have a bunch of minor side characters, and even before season 1 people freaked out over imogen but she ultimately had little screen time and didn’t take away from the main story. also i get the impression alice still has the strongest attachment to charlie as a character tbh and the springs as a family, from the way she talks about him and the way she’s been writing the comic. so there’s that. also ik some people were like “why did joe say so little” and i don’t think that video was meant to be representative of the season.. i’m sure tao will have more to do than imogen for example. but if anything putting joe last did feel main character vibes to me too. also i agree about boundaries!! much healthier to just disengage if social media becomes too stressful and twt is a cesspool in so many ways now anyway

true!!! highschool series tend to have lots of side characters which i guess does help some form of development? but i do have trust issues cause i’ve seen series just being derailed cause there were too many side characters as well bt yes i very much agree that alice does seem to have an attachment towards the springs, particularly charlie and tori bt in hs context more charlie i guess!! like ppl be posting abt nick this nick that and you see alice being the only one posting joe’s face as the focus hahahaha also as much as i was bummed joe didnt say much, also cause i miss him loads and was just starving for content, i took it as a sign like theres more to come and this wouldnt be enough to cover it too

thats true sm is stressful its just sad cause they’re still so young and its supposed to be fun for them :( like joe used to do so many qnas and stuff, i hate to think that whatever has happened has dampened their enthusiasm abt the show but i dont think its the case? More so a protection for themselves

[nerdzzone]

Only For A Moment: July

Summary: A series of shorter one shots from Chris and Whitney’s life together throughout the pandemic. Some happy times, some harder times, some fluff and some things a little more sexy - they work through it all as they try to get settled in their new and blossoming relationship.

Chris Evans x OFC

Part of the Once Bitten/More Hearts series

Only For A Moment: June

-----

July 2020

Chris was stressed.

It was understandable as he'd just launched his new endeavour - A Starting Point - but it was worrying me how anxious and overwhelmed he seemed to be. The feedback so far had been good, but he was still concerned about how it was going to be received and whether or not people would actually find it useful. He had several long, full days of interviews scheduled to promote it and explain what they hoped to achieve and, after the first week, he was exhausted which made him moody and withdrawn.

It didn't help that Grayson had quickly adjusted to having our undivided attention and was growing increasingly frustrated with his dad's busy schedule. The Friday after the launch, Chris promised him that he'd be done by bedtime so he could tuck him in, but technical difficulties got in the way and he was once again stuck in front of his laptop until well into the evening.

And that was where I found him, at almost nine o'clock, when I went to see if he'd be finished anytime soon. I'd poked my head around the door and saw him sat at his desk with his head in his hands and the sight made my heart ache.  Sneaking up behind him, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

"Hey," I greeted him softly. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," he assured me, but the sigh that followed told me otherwise. "Just tired. It's been a busy week."

"It has. We've missed you."

My words weren't meant to add guilt to his stress, but I realized my mistake when he winced.

"Sorry," he mumbled, placing a kiss on my arm where it rested across his chest. "I did try to finish early today - I suggested we push the last interview until tomorrow when we hit the connection issues, but they weren't having it. Was Grayson mad that I missed bedtime again?"

"Not mad," I shrugged. "Just a bit disappointed."

Chris' head fell forward and his shoulders stiffened.

"That's worse."

"No, it's not," I insisted, squeezing him tightly. "He was just a little sad, but he got over it. I promised him that you'd do something fun with him when you weren't so busy and he accepted that."

"I was actually thinking of taking him to the museum to see the dinosaur exhibit," Chris admitted. "They just reopened, but he'd have to wear a mask."

"He'd love that," I smiled, knowing how much both of them loved their father and son days. We'd made an effort to give him more one on one time, but it was limiting when we hadn't been able to leave the house much until recently. "And I think he'd be okay with a mask. We can order one and get him to wear it at home for a bit to get used to it."

"Good idea," Chris nodded. "I can do that tomorrow"

"Or I can," I suggested, kissing the side of his head. "You're busy enough at the moment. And you're stressed, I can feel the tension in your shoulders."

Chris sighed again and I felt a pang of sympathy for him.

"I know. This project just means a lot to me. I want it to do well."

"And it is," I reminded him as an idea hit me. "C'mon, I know what you need to help you relax."

"Oh, yeah?" Chris smirked and I rolled my eyes as his mind had clearly gone straight to something dirty. "What would that be?"

"Probably not whatever you're thinking of," I informed him. "But there's some pizza left in the kitchen. Go have a slice of that and then meet me in the bedroom."

"Alright, I like the sound of this."

His smirk had grown and I swatted the back of his head as I slid my arms off of his shoulders.

"Don't be such a perv!"

He laughed and stood up from his chair as I shook my head and he pulled me in for a quick kiss before we headed downstairs and went our separate ways.

-

If there was one thing I knew how to do, it was run the perfect bath for relaxation. It had been my tradition every evening after I'd dropped Gray off at Chris' house - I would pour myself a glass of wine and take a bath, enjoying the opportunity for a long soak without the risk of Grayson interrupting. The bathtub in Chris' en suite made that indulgence even better due to it's size and depth and I'd taken advantage of it several times during our stay with Chris. Which meant that I had quite the assortment of bath salts and bubble bath to create the perfect bath for Chris.

The tub had just finished filling up when he walked in and I heard him chuckle at the sight.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed."

"Oh, shush," I teased, turning around to face him once I'd turned off the taps. "This will be much more effective than whatever you were imagining."

Chris scoffed at that claim, a smirk firmly on his face.

"I disagree."

"I'm sure you do, but that's too bad. Now, strip."

"Ooh, I like it when you're bossy."

His comment earned another roll of my eyes as I crossed my arms and waited for him to do as I'd instructed.

As he did, I couldn't help, but stare. He seemed to be toning up even more during our quarantine and the sight of his perfectly sculpted body took my breath away every time I had the luxury of seeing it. He caught my gaze and colour flooded my cheeks as I knew that he'd seen me gawking at him, but despite the smug look on his face, he made no comment as he climbed into the tub.

Once he was settled with his head resting back on the edge of the tub, I sat down on the closed lid of the toilet and picked my phone up from where it was sitting on the counter. I unlocked the screen with the intention of replying to my mother who had messaged me while I was getting the bath ready, but a giggle slipped from my lips when I saw what was already open on my phone from earlier that day. Chris raised a questioning eyebrow and I debated whether or not to tell him about it. It had the potential to send his stress levels sky rocketing again, but if he thought I was hiding something from him, it would probably irritate him and ruin his mood anyway so I came clean.

"Hannah sent me a link to an Instagram account today that posts lots of gossip stuff," I informed him. "Most of it seems to be just random submissions, but they've been right a few times, I guess, so people seem to believe whatever they say now."

"And why did she send you a link to it?"

"Because apparently you're engaged."

I was smiling as I broke the news to him because obviously I knew it wasn't true, but Chris let out a groan of annoyance.

"Engaged to who?! To you?"

"No, to a mysterious blonde. Apparently, the person who sent in the message has a friend who spotted you picking up some takeout with this woman. Her ring was clearly on display and you were openly affectionate with her while you waited for your food."

"That's just a straight up lie," Chris huffed. "I don't know why people waste their time making this shit up and I really don't know why you bother reading it."

"It's not like I seek it out, but Hannah finds it entertaining to see what people are saying about us," I shrugged. "You have to admit that it's kinda funny. It sends everyone into such a frenzy."

Chris shot me a look.

"Funny isn't the word I'd use."

"C'mon, it's a little amusing!" I smiled, scrolling down to the comments. "Like, look, they're discussing whether or not I fit the description in case I just dyed my hair blonde. But then someone else says they saw me in L.A. two weeks ago, around the time you were with the blonde woman, so it couldn't possibly be me. They're like little detectives."

Chris rolled his eyes, but there was a reluctant smile on his face.

"Detectives aren't allowed to just make things up," he pointed out. "Unless you took a secret trip a few weeks ago that I didn't know about."

"No, I didn't," I laughed. "You have some very creative fans."

"I don't think it's my fans who write that stuff. It's probably other people trying to antagonize them."

"Well, it works like a charm. They go nuts trying to decide if it's true. I just wish they wouldn't get so mean about it sometimes," I admitted. "Like, some of them were saying how glad they were that you'd moved on from me finally because of how cruel it is that I ruined your life by trapping you with a baby."

The scowl on Chris' face instantly returned with that additional information and I scolded myself for saying it.

"I should have let Downey sue them all like he wanted to when it first leaked that you were pregnant," Chris huffed. "Then maybe by now these gossip pages would know better than to post shit about us."

"It would have just made things worse," I insisted as a smirk slid onto my face. "Besides, it doesn't really bother me. I'm the one sitting next to you while you lounge completely naked in a bubble bath while they spiral into a jealous pit of despair."

That comment earned me a laugh before he sat up a bit higher in the tub.

"Why are you sitting over there anyway?" He asked. "Get in here with me."

I smiled at his demand, but shook my head.

"This isn't supposed to be a sexy bath. You're supposed to be relaxing."

"And what better way to relax than to share a bath with the woman I love?"

A statement like that was hard to resist, especially as he grinned up at me from the tub with that amazing smile of his. I relented with surprisingly little resistance and rose from where I was sitting.

"I suppose that's fair..."

Putting my phone back on the counter, I turned so my back was to Chris. I could feel his eyes burning into me as he stared and I bit back a smirk. I quickly undid the button on the shorts I was wearing and slid them down my legs, bending at the waist as I stepped out of them. A noise of approval came from behind me as I stood up again and I shot him what I hoped was a sexy look over my shoulder before I pulled my shirt over my head. After slipping out of my bra and quickly pulling off my panties, I left them with my shorts and turned around with one hand over my chest to keep it covered until I was settled in the tub under all the bubbles.

"Wow," Chris grinned. "You're so fuckin' hot."

I giggled at his compliment, feeling a wave of self-confidence from my little strip tease.

For the past few weeks I'd been spending more time in Chris' home gym and I was feeling the positive side effects - more than just in my slowly developing muscle tone. We'd had a fight one night not long after our first pool day when I made some self-deprecating comments that rubbed Chris the wrong way. He scolded me rather harshly for always talking badly about my body and, while at first his exasperated reaction made me shut down, it eventually led to a very open conversation.

I explained that I wasn't just fishing for compliments all the time. I had some serious insecurities and - as analyzed by Hannah who was a very well trained psychologist - I tended to put myself down first before someone else could do it. I informed him that it wasn't just the body changes that come from pregnancy that bothered me, but the fact that I hadn't had much time to go to the gym since Gray was born - when he was with me, I was busy with him and when he was with Chris, I was busy with work.

He understood where I was coming from and reminded me that his home gym was available for my use any time I wanted, but insisted that I make sure I was doing it for the right reasons. He didn't want me killing myself to change how I looked when I didn't really need to, but I assured him that my motivations weren't all vanity related. Sure, I wanted to look good, but I missed feeling strong and healthy.

After our conversation, I’d started taking some time every day to get some exercise and the difference it was making to my confidence even after a few short weeks was huge. So, hearing Chris' praise now made me feel wonderful because I was actually starting to believe it.

"Thanks," I smiled in response to his compliment as I got settled in the bath tub. We were facing each other, my legs draped over his thighs so my feet were resting by his hips and my bum was between his shins. He grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together as he watched me with what could only be described as an adoring look. "It's amazing what a few weeks at the gym can do."

"Helps that you were pretty hot to start with too," he teased. "But I'm glad you're feeling more confident."

"Me too." I leaned forward to press a soft kiss on his lips. "So, are you feeling more relaxed?"

"I am," Chris nodded before letting out a sigh. "I'm sorry I've been so stressed out lately. I just want this whole thing to go well."

"And it is," I repeated my earlier assurance. "So far you've had a great reaction."

"For now," he frowned. "I just want people to actually use it and get involved."

"They will," I assured him, leaning in for another kiss. "Have I told you how proud I am of you? You're doing such a great thing, using your influence to try and make a difference. It's very inspiring."

"Well, I think you're too kind," he told me, trying to be humble despite the proud grin on his face. "Really, it's the least I can do."

"Nope, the least you could do is nothing," I pointed out. "But you're trying to help people and I'm so proud of you for that. I'm grateful that Grayson has a dad like you to look up to."

It appeared - for a brief moment - that Chris' eyes grew a little bit glassy, but he blinked a few times and they were clear once again.

"Thanks, Winnie." He paused to clear his throat. "That really means a lot and I'm sorry I've been so busy this week. I have one more podcast interview to do tomorrow morning and then I have a few days off."

"I'm glad you'll get a break, but you don't need to be sorry," I assured him. "Even though it has been kinda weird. It's crazy that a few months ago, we only ever saw each other in passing, but now I miss you when you're busy for even a few hours."

It was true. I had missed him the last few days and it did seem ridiculous when we used to go weeks without seeing each other and even then it was just briefly at a pick up or drop off. I'd been spoiled the last few months, having so much of his time. Now, seeing him every day wasn't even enough if I didn't have much of his undivided attention.

A brief flash of dread tore through me as I shared that thought with Chris because I knew this would all come to an end some day. We couldn't stay locked away in his house forever, eventually we would both have to go back to work and I knew it would make things harder. Some people found that the intense quality time was testing their relationship, but I was worried that we'd start to crumble as soon as we weren't together almost twenty-four hours a day. Once the world of Hollywood got it's claws back in Chris, I couldn't help but wonder where that would leave me.

But as always when those thoughts filled my mind, I did my best to push them away. It was likely still months before anything would change so there was no point in stressing about it now and Chris chuckled, bringing me back to the moment.

"Awe, you’ve missed me?"

His words were accompanied by a cocky smirk and I smiled despite my rolling eyes.

"Shut up."

"It's sweet. I never thought you'd be a clingy kinda girlfriend."

I wrinkled my nose in displeasure at that thought and shook my head.

"I'm not clingy!"

"Kinda sounds like you are," he pointed out. "Can't even get through a work day without pining for me."

"I wasn't pining!" I huffed, but he continued insisting that it seemed like I was. "Well, I was just about to suggest we get out of this bath, but now I think maybe you don't deserve what I was thinking of doing next."

"Get out? You just got in," Chris pointed out with a raised eyebrow. "What else have you got planned?"

Now it was my turn to smirk as I rested my hands on the side of the tub before pushing up until I was standing in front of him.

"A little extra relaxation," I told him, deliberately keeping it vague. "But I guess now, you'll never know."

I stepped out of the tub and grabbed my towel. With one last glance back at Chris who was still sitting in the bath, looking a mix of surprised and intrigued, I wrapped the towel around myself and left the bathroom - making sure to sway my hips a little more than usual on my way out.

I heard the water slosh as Chris leapt up to follow me and he appeared in the bedroom - towel around his waist and water dripping to the floor - moments later.

"Chris!" I laughed. "You're getting the floor all wet!"

"So are you," he pointed out. "But I don't care."

I hardly had time to take in his words before he strode swiftly across the room and pulled me against his chest. His hands gripped my hips so tightly that it undid my towel and he moved just briefly enough for it to fall to the floor. Once that was out of the way, he captured my lips in a kiss so fierce it made my breath catch in my chest.

I indulged for a moment, enjoying the feel of his hands roaming by body as his lips worked against mine, but then I remembered who this evening was supposed to be about. I pulled back slightly, just enough to trail my lips across his jaw and locked them onto a spot just below his ear as my hands moved to the towel around his waist. I could feel a slight bulge pressing against me - he wasn't hard yet, but it was clear that the anticipation was having an effect on him - and I untucked the towel and let it fall down with mine to give me easier access.

I heard Chris take in a shaky breath and felt him tighten his grip on me as I took him in my hand. Smiling against his skin and enjoying his little reactions, I stroked him until he was thick and full from my touch.

"Get on the bed."

Chris' tone was demanding and there was definitely a part of me that wanted to follow his instructions, but I resisted and moved my face away from where it was buried in his neck, shaking my head.

"No, this is all about you," I reminded him. "You need to relax."

He voiced a few protests as I kissed my way down his chest, but he fell silent as I dropped to my knees in front of him. His hands were clenched in fists by his side while I continued to gently stroke him, placing soft kisses on the top of his thigh, but when my kisses moved closer until my lips landed on his cock, his hands shot to grip in my hair. He wasn't forcing anything or trying to control my movements, but the sense of control that action gave him was something I knew he enjoyed and I smiled before getting down to business.

I licked him slowly from base to tip, making him shudder as I took him into my mouth. His hips twitched, pushing farther in and I did my best to accommodate him. Letting him slide slowly over my tongue, I stretched my jaw to get my mouth around his thick shaft. He always felt big - he was big - but this action made it even more apparent and I took as much of him as I could before sliding back up his cock.

Pausing for a moment to suck at the tip, I used my hand to stroke him as I lifted my eyes to look up at his face. His hand gripped my hair tighter as he threw his head back briefly, then returned his gaze to me and met my eyes. I smiled around his cock before letting my lips move farther down, taking him back in my mouth. Not feeling completely confident in my ability to deep throat someone of his size, I used my hand to cover the base and began to bob my head with renewed enthusiasm, spurred on by all the sighs and groans that were falling from his lips.

I could feel myself growing wet. His reactions, the position we were in, the slight tug of my hair - it was all overwhelming me and increasing the temptation to let him fall from my mouth, push him onto the bed and ride him until we both couldn't take it anymore, but I tried to stay focused as I worked his cock.

After a few minutes, I could tell he was getting close as his grip on my head began leading me more and more, a sign his self control was waning. That only spurred me on, but as his breathing shifted until he was practically panting and I could feel his thigh muscles tensing where my hand was resting, I heard a sound that would kill any mood.

"Mama!"

Grayson's voice floated down the stairs. It was distant and quiet, but enough to make my blood run cold as I instantly pulled my mouth off Chris.

"Fuck," Chris groaned, a pained look on his face as I shot up from where I was kneeling. "Fuck, that kid has bad timing."

Gray called for me again, sounding slightly closer than he had before and I threw on one of Chris' shirts that was crumpled up on the bed. Luckily, it fit me like a dress and covered everything that needed to be covered.

"I'm so sorry, babe," I flashed him an apologetic look. "I'll take care of him and you can take care of that."

I gestured to his still very hard and throbbing cock and the poor man looked like he wanted to cry as I hurried out of the room.

Turns out, Grayson was just thirsty so after a quick drink of water, I tucked him back into bed. By the time I returned to our bedroom, Chris was fast asleep as he lay sprawled out, still naked on top of the duvet. It looked as if he had just collapsed onto the bed and even though he was asleep, his face still showed his exhaustion. I felt a flash of sympathy as I pulled the blanket off the back of the chair in the corner of the room and covered him up with it, placing a soft kiss on his forehead before climbing in to my side of the bed.

-

August

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