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itsfirecat · 9 months

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20 questions for fanfic writers tagged by @graham-cracker-guillotine I'm so sorry I missed this for like 2+ weeks XD. I forget I have a tumblr except for those few moments every few months when I spam reblog a bunch before crawling right back under my internet rock.

How many works do you have on AO3?

67! (Which is wild to think about, considering I've written all of them in the last two and a half years I think?)

What's your total AO3 word count?

I'm still a little astounded by this, but it's 203,676 as of December 15th 2023

What fandoms do you write for?

I largely write for DC at the moment, though I regularly write crossovers w/ Marvel, and I've got a not insignificant amount of Danny Phantom, White Collar, and Criminal Minds crossover fics too

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Falling Like Dominos (2363 kudos, Gen, a DPxDC crossover fic I wrote for DPDC week in 2022)

2. In the Pits (1914 kudos, Gen, again a fic I wrote for DPDC week 2022

3. Echoes of the Past (1755 kudos, Teen, More DPDC crossover stuff, but this time in 7 chapters)

4. Without a Compass, Without a Map (1452 kudos, my current longest fic, and main WIP, Teen, A Marvel/DC crossover, Tim Drake/Peter Parker)

5. Mass (1230 kudos, Gen, White Collar x DC crossover, Birdflash)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I haven't really in a while. Not because I don't want to, but because I look at my inbox and I feel overwhelmed XD. I really just need to set aside an hour or two sometime and go through to respond to them all. University has been eating a lot of my time this year.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I really don't end up writing a lot of angst, and when I do I really like making sure I know they're all going to be okay, but I think of my finished fics (because there's one I know the ending is going to be angsty as hell for, but that's yet to be written XD). But if I had to pick something from the limited selection I have, I think I'd choose Legislation, which is a White Collar x DC crossover fic, though I think you could argue it's bitter-sweet rather than angsty.

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Happy endings in a fic are hard for the opposite reason that angst was XD. I have so many. But right now I think if I had to pick a favorite I'd have to go with my most recent fic, Sunflower, just because I'm still really happy with how that one. It's Superbat, and just pure fluffy getting together.

Do you get hate on fics?

I've had one or two, but tbh those comments were so cartoonish they made me laugh before I deleted them. In general my readers are pretty great, and I'm really happy with where I am in writing and posting online.

Do you write smut?

Not normally, I have one smut fic posted, and another floating in my drafts, but it's not normally what I go for. I like tooth rotting fluff most of the time, and being ace-spec I always feel like the "how do you do, fellow kids" meme when I write smut XD.

Do you write crossovers?

So many XD. So so many. I mean, all my top fics are crossovers, I think that speaks for itself

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, but if anyone happens to see my stuff floating around outside of Ao3 please give me a heads up, I'm proud of the work I put in, and don't really want others just taking it and claiming it as their own.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I haven't, mostly because it's not something I'm generally comfortable with. As someone who grew up bilingual, I'm keenly aware of how much meaning can get lost in translation, and while I'd be flattered if someone wanted to put in that tremendous amount of effort, I would struggle with not being able to check that the intent behind the words stayed the same.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't, and tbh I don't think I'd be too great at it. I have pretty strong ideas in my own head for where I want something to go, and I'm not always the best team player XD.

What's your all-time favorite ship to write for?

There's too many fun ships to pick from, I really enjoy switching it up and trying different things. Such is the curse of a multi-shipper I fear.

What's A WIP that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I- I'm not sure. I know I have so many ideas in my notes for my Marvel irondad fic series, and while I really do want to still execute all those (especially because it was those fics that got me to posting my work in the first place), my brain is too deep in the DC headspace to write anything purely Marvel at the moment.

What are your writing strengths?

I like to think that I'm pretty okay at setting up story lines, and hinting at/building up towards a finale. I see people try to guess where my plot is going to go later on in the fic, and it always makes me happy when people are able to guess accurately. Ideally I don't want a reader to read a decision I make at the end of any of my fics and be confused as to where the idea came from, I want there to be things readers can find when the go back and read for a second time that they missed before.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I get pretty wordy, especially in moments like this when I'm also doing a lot of academic writing (because I kind of need to be). I'd also like to work more on my dialogue, and I'd like to get better at planning/plotting my fics before hand and gauging how long they'll be before I start.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it's okay if it makes sense, and you can still understand the fic without knowing what the dialogue says. I've done it for Tony and Peter, and had them speak to each other in Italian, but I usually did that more-so to show familiarity and comfort, what they were saying wasn't particularly important (and it was also in part so I could practice my own Italian XD)

First fandom you wrote for?

I think it depends? First on Ao3 was Marvel. First in posted fanfic was years ago on Wattpad, and a PJO/HP crossover fic. And before that back when I was like 11 I wrote Harry Potter fanfic without knowing what fanfic was.

Favorite fic you've written?

Picking a favorite fic feels a little like being asked to pick a favorite child. I think I don't have a definitive favorite, and how much I like any of my fics really depends on the day, my mood, my headspace, and any number of other invisible and unknowable factors. But I think for the purposes of this, I'm going to go with either, Assuming Makes an Ass out of You and Me, which is a White Collar x DC crossover fic, Gen, with minor JayRoy, or Half a Secret which is a Criminal Minds x DC crossover, Teen, and was one of my longest ever writing projects when I posted it.

Now to pass this along (though feel no pressure to do this if you don't want to ofc) @cassandrasdreamworld @notherdeadrobin @marirah

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imxthexhandler · 2 years

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I posted 3,033 times in 2022

861 posts created (28%)

2,172 posts reblogged (72%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wildthiiing

@agentjjkelly

@w-e-b-h-e-a-d-s

@glitchexmachina

@koiwrites

I tagged 3,025 of my posts in 2022

#damnit barton do your paper-queue - 2,417 posts

#mission objective - 527 posts

#ask meme - 521 posts

#case notes - 264 posts

#redacted (nsfw) - 214 posts

#out of field reports - 197 posts

#operation watchtower - 196 posts

#bolo - 195 posts

#things the handler likes - 166 posts

#random post - 152 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#(...i can just hear the force theme while looking at this picture and here's me trying not to cry because that song makes me so emotional)

My Top Posts in 2022:

OOC: So my blog got tagged as explicit... Great.

Just...great...

And considering this is the second time in two weeks this is happening, it is not helping the paranoia aspect of my anxiety. It makes it almost feel like someone is reporting rather than Tumblr just being stupid.

If it’s the latter, then great job, algothrim. Because you missed the 3 p0rn bots that tried to follow me that I had to block...

If it’s the former, just what the crap? If you don’t like me (and I get it, hell, most of the time, I don’t even like myself) or you don’t like my writing (again, I understand), then just...unfollow or block or what have you and leave me alone?

Because this really makes me not want to write on here. It really saps the motivation I had towards writing, which sucks because I was finally getting back into a writing groove.

I’ve had this blog for nearly 8 full years. EIGHT. I don’t want to delete this blog or move (not to mention all the sideblogs I’d have to move, too...) to a new blog! And it just... Like, what do I do? Do I keep posting? How long do I wait for the appeal? Just... ARGH! It sucks. It really, really, really sucks, and I just have been so stressed out and having my own self-doubts about my writing creeping in, and I just... WHY THE KRIFF WAS IT FLAGGED AND WHEN WILL IT GET REVERSED?!

So, yeah. I dunno. I guess let me know if you guys are okay with me still writing or should I wait till this sorts out (hopefully)?

16 notes - Posted June 11, 2022

Currently sexuality:

Ewan McGregor twirling a lightsaber.

Is this OOC or IC?

Yes.

18 notes - Posted May 15, 2022

Waiting for the Right Partner

Hello, @caiti-creative-corner I was your Steggy Secret Santa! I am sorry for the delay. I was hoping to have your fic done by New Year's, but due to some work issues, it's taking me a little bit longer.

So, to hopefully tie you over, here is a Steggy mood board and themed playlist.

I apologize for the delay, but I hope this will give you some Steggy goodness in the meantime.

"Waiting for the Right Partner"

-A Steggy (Steve/Peggy) fanmix playlist.

01.) "Young and Beautiful" covered by Postmodern Jukebox.

02.) "It's Been a Long, Long Time" by Kitty Kallen.

03.) "The Way You Look Tonight" by Frank Sinatra.

04.) "Sway" by Dean Martin.

05.) "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" by The Andrew Sisters.

06.) "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square" by Frank Sinatra.

07.) "I Can't Believe That You're in Love With Me" by Rosemary Clooney.

08.) "Too Good to be True" by Dinah Shore.

09.) "We'll Meet Again" by Vera Lynn.

10.) "The Very Thought of You" by Billie Holiday.

19 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

[Continued from here.]

@w-e-b-h-e-a-d: Peter wasn’t expecting this surprise at all so when Amelia texted him saying she made a little nerdy video for him … His mouth about dropped on the floor when he saw dancing in nothing but the slave leia loin cloth and just a chain.

Amelia waited a couple of minutes before texting him again.

[TEXT: Peter] So, what do you think? 😘

She never attempted something like this before, so she hoped he enjoyed it. Granted, she got the costume for herself, but still, the video was meant to excite him.

23 notes - Posted August 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

[Continued from here.]

@w-e-b-h-e-a-d: Peter quietly walked up behind her groping both her breasts in his hands and began to massage them between his fingers.

Amelia gasped, almost dropping her coffee as her boyfriend surprised her, his warm hands pawing at her breasts, her body jumping up slightly, shocked, before she moaned, and she glanced over her shoulder at him, her cheeks flushed a bright pink, her thighs clenching together tightly. “Peter!” she squeaked.

35 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Tagged by: the ever fab @koiwrites to look up mine.

Tagging: @agentjjkelly; @goddamnmuses; @bennyboylewis; @agentsterling; @marvariants; @wildthiiing; @leschanceux; @manymusesbym; @secretswritten; and @glitchexmachina.

#Out of field reports #(long post)#My Tumblr 2022 in review post

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serekiri · 10 months

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Yeah I should have clarified it's the stuff I saw in the tags from your utenanthies blog. I wasn't able to send an ask or PM to that blog so I asked here instead.

It wasn't my intention to accuse, I just wanted to ask if you did have the artists' permission to repost their work here cause unfortuantely I do stumble across uncredited and/or unauthorised reposted work every now and then. I try and message people to ask in good faith when I see art reposted from pixiv etc because not everyone is educated about reposting (and, frankly, not everyone cares, which sucks). I'm not trying to "get" anything "from this" so I'm really not sure what you mean by that. I just don't think artists should have their work posted somewhere without their knowledge or permission and just want there to be more awareness about the topic.

If you have asked and gotten/get permission from the artist for everything you repost then that's great! Keep on doing you.

However, I wouldn't have any idea if you are reposting from people who don't allow it regardless - short of me contacting each artist and asking them. I could do it, but I don't think it would be feasible or fair for me to lol so IDK about me sending you an ask every time to have stuff removed.

I will say that I did very easily find that one of the works you reposted has a watermark in the image itself refusing use without permission and the artist's bio also asks for no unauthorised reproduction. The artist actually has a tumblr account so you could've reblogged the art, or asked them to post it there so you can reblog it if they hadn't been uploaded here.

I also found another artwork by another artist that says not to "repost/trace/use my art" on their profile.

Again, I can only assume that you did get permission to repost those two examples I mentioned since you said you do check, and if so please excuse my bluntness. If not and you'd like me to clarify which posts these are I can do so and all I can say is it can be easy to miss stuff, especially if it's on a linked personal website or not written in English (or any language you're fluent in) and just to keep an eye out in future.

Sorry for the long message. (I'm also shocked tumblr doesn't seem to have that short limit on asks anymore lol when did that happen). Take care!

well, atleast you clarified. it was a mistake. not good, but a honest mistake. i should've haven't done in the first place as well, a mutual of mine told me about the blog and ive taken it down and you're right. it was my fault, i shouldn't have done that, my mistake. i know i dont leave the asks on cause i dont see any need to on that blog. that blog is just based on like aesthetics. like posting pictures based on my hyperfixations and the vibes that i keep for it. basically pictures that kind of remind me of the past. but you can ask me here since my ask box is open, just tell me like ive said before, if i do repost without someone's permission. ask me here and send me the link and ill look for it and delete it. i do forget often since i dont even use this website that often. but. send it here and ill check the asks i promise.

also take care as well. bye ^_^

#📸......

0 notes

normal-newt · 1 year

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Bit of post for people who were unlucky + saw me mess up + upset by me.

If want context is here. But if just want simple best way to not see my posts will be explain in next post and can just skip to that. Please not re-blog this as only want for people who already see blog or who clicked through from other blog.

If helps any think understand better how made problem. Think was partly missed a metaphor + managed missed also miss whole entire point. but also not explain well at all. and now person hurt from me and me hurt from me and no way fix not make more hurt.

didn’t even realise could describe own problem so so bad. already use mobility aid everywhere is why people will touch so often but was not able to even say it. Scared I do so bad now people come to make sure know I did bad make sure feel as bad as am. Don’t worry already do. Just use above option + save time for both.

Not sure how apologise properly when can’t even know sure won’t make same mistake. So this. This is stand in until can make proper apology because still wanting to acknowledge that did wrong and made hurt even if still figuring out exact details.

If hurt by what said by me, am so so sorry. Know sorry just not enough here.

Will try best improve especially at not bother people on their posts.

If you need to not see me in tumblr, is fair and is not problem at all and will do best helping this because people deserve not having to watch me fuck up while figuring out. Off top of my head options are:

Can block me, even if already follow me.

If wanting to, can ask in comments here me block you so you not have to see posts made by me. Will do this no question asked or comment made at you. If want me to delete so people not see you asked, will do this also. If for some reason change mind in future ask someone message me + will unblock you.

Can maybe make tag for own original posts so people able block this if think will help.

If want unfollow with not block this also option but means might still bump into me.

Know isn’t enough but not want hurt anyone from not able to do enough. If need this for own happy please do. Promise will try hard so if meet again somewhere else will be able be nicer to you. But big goal now is want reduce chance will hurt someone in meantime.

Not needing or wanting comfort. Especially if not see original words may think am being harsh on self. Thing is know I will be okay but want others also be okay, so more important honest words to others than nice words to self. Will delete comments try make comfort because not what this need be about.

If original person I hurt seeing this. Am so sorry. Said wrong and know hurt you. Not want make big apology on your blog because know maybe you want me leave you alone. But maybe you want see if am understanding now. Am so sorry. Maybe is thing where takes week or two to process and maybe will figure out but not fair ask you doing it for me . If want can copy-paste or re-blog post saying how to avoid me so people see your blog can avoid having to deal with person who rude to you. Know apology currently wrong but hope bad apology better than ignore problem. Hope at least able to tell you do know was wrong and am trying make sure not happen again.

#vent #swearing #okay time make more happy simple version for people not want read this #fuck #so tired but should do so not cause worse problems for people #fuck fuck fuck #sorry #edited best could hope makes sense #is very very much genuine post #not perfect or even good but promise no hidden trick here no make fun other people just want fix problem #caused problem so am trying fix best i can #maybe people forget already don't care but not want take risk #problem caused by thinking things said not big deal in first place

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dzpenumbra · 1 year

Text

4/30/23

Last night was difficult.

I don't think I mentioned it in my journal, maybe I did and I don't remember, idk, I'm going to tell the story anyway. I was watching a Red Dead stream last night and a girl who had been a subscriber in that channel for 7 consecutive years accidentally wrote a private message into the Twitch chat. And I mean really private.

(side note - ctrl+b, which is used for bold is right between ctrl+v [paste] and ctrl+n [new window in chrome]. And the undo on Tumblr is fucked. So... just... gonna point out how frustrating and inconvenient that is if you just slightly miss the b key and suddenly you either have a new window pop up or a paragraph of text just appears.)

This chick posted about like... really bad medical news. Like organ disease news. That she got that day. And she immediately asked mods to delete it, because she couldn't. And no one did. And there were like over 1000 people in there. And then these assholes started copying and pasting her message. At first just one. Then one who spent "channel points" to actually highlight the copied message. Then like 5 more. It... was really disturbing. Like... I struggle to see any humor in it, and I have a pretty open mind about humor. It really felt like someone saying "haha look, this chick has cancer!" As though... anyone is going to laugh about that...

Now... I know a thing or two about humor. Humor used to be my primary coping mechanism. And most humor is just that, it's a way of diffusing something incredibly uncomfortable or painful, and transforming it into something funny, something palatable. Something positive, even. And sometimes that can be a... compulsion for some people, a reflex, that they're not even really conscious of. But there's a skill to doing that. It takes effort, it takes practice, it takes skill. And there is nothing... buckle the fuck up, I'm going loud here... THERE IS NOTHING FUCKING LAZIER THAN COPYING AND PASTING SOMETHING AND CALLING IT FUNNY. <catches breath> Okay, just had to get that out. People man, I just don't understand. Do these fucking imbeciles really lack the brain cells to understand that making a joke about a serious medical condition should... I dunno... maybe be handled a little more tactfully than treating it like retweeting a fucking meme or something?

Again, I am not against jokes that test the line, and even outright cross it. At all. Pushing those boundaries is important, in its own way. But there's a goddamn reason why we only had one Don Rickles. There's a reason we had one South Park. One Jackass. There is an art to pushing boundaries, and it requires skill, charisma and confidence. And these people had none of the above. They were just... schoolyard bullies, trying to impress other schoolyard bullies. They were literally grown-ass schoolyard bullies, likely piss drunk at 4AM, watching a 38 year old man pretend to be a cowboy in a video game, and stumbled across what was pretty obviously a private message between a long-standing paying community member and likely a family member... and they decided they wanted to pants her in front of class. Like... this is a fucking cartoon of schoolyard bully behavior. And people were fucking laughing! People were like... chuckling and going along with it

I... I pulled up a private message to her. And I typed out "hey, what they're doing is really not cool and I'm really sorry all this is happening to you. It's really fucked up." And... I didn't send it. Any other lifetime, I would have sent it. But I didn't. And I don't even know why I don't anymore. I definitely didn't stand up for her in chat. I didn't even support her behind closed doors. But when she put a message in chat saying it was fucked up? I immediately tagged her and sent a heart emoji, like... lightning speed, to show she has my support. I just... I feel bad. It's self preservation, it has to be. Like... I don't want this mob turning on me... So I don't stick up for the grown adult that's being bullied by grown adults. Because there are people there whose job it's supposed to be to moderate that, and they were asleep at the wheel, and... I didn't want to overstep, and they sure as shit won't respect my opinion if I don't have a sword icon next to my name.

And the streamer, when he noticed? He chuckled. And was like, "come on guys, knock it off..." Like... it was a bunch of kids playing in the backyard by throwing knives at the dog or something, and that's his response. It made me super uncomfortable. That and the shit that went down in his Discord? Blatantly saying "we're mob-mentality around here, okay?" And the Native American character he made, and how... really insensitive he was with it... and how he pretty obviously got reported several times on it but straight up lied to his audience about it and has doubled-down so many times I can't even count. "Nah nah nah, Moondance isn't going anywhere guys, I'll play him whenever I want, I just don't feel like it tonight..." RIIIGHHHTTT... I just... I'm really turned off by it.

Fuck the internet, man. The internet is very blatantly advertising directly to children, who are the most profitable demographic on the internet, if you weren't aware... and Twitch specifically has developed a wagering system with fake internet points that you accumulate by spending time watching a streamer (more time = more ads = more $$ for Twitch = more fake points for the kids). And they call them. Get this. Tell me this isn't disgustingly corporate Amazon cliché. They call them "Predictions". It's not gambling marketed towards children to keep them on a website that makes money off of feeding them ads, no no no, it's placing a wager on a "Prediction". I'm not gambling on what the outcome is, with a payout ratio identical to a fucking horse track, nope, I'm just predicting what the outcome is going to be and if I get it right I get a neat prize! They specifically market their site to children. How have they not gotten this shut down yet?!

Okay, got a bit of that out of my system. Why the fuck am I telling this story from last night? Well... I had a night terror. I got about 4-5 hours of sleep, and I had a super intense nightmare. It was very vivid, but I didn't remember much except for the last bit. And... it took me a bit of journaling (I did dream journal, so yay on that) to really start to understand what it was about. I might as well paint a picture for you, it was super vivid and deeply meaningful for me.

I was in a location that represented my parents' basement. I grew up in that house from the ages of 11-18, very formative years. My parents are closeted hoarders, they hide it well. The basement was where everything went. I was down there with someone else, I don't remember who it was. I had found a book that was for me, that I felt bad I hadn't read because, when I was down there and started reading it, it was really interesting. It was part of a series, and it was an exploration and interpretation of the Bible through historical record, plausible science and comparison with other cultural ideologies/mythologies. It was... really cool, and right up my alley. Almost like something I would write, if I felt qualified. I read the part about Genesis I and as I was reading... I got that thing I get sometimes where the mental imagery gets really vivid. And this moment was really disorienting in a dream, and is even disorienting just trying to process how it even happened, because I was... dreaming... which is my imagination, my subconscious mind... and then within that dream I was reading a text and... my subconscious in the dream was conceptualizing the text visually. It was like a Russian Nesting Doll of subconscious visualization, it's absolutely mind-boggling that that's even possible. And this visualization was... essentially an early proto-Earth colliding with a very water-dense celestial object. My brain interpreted this very metaphorically, like big blob of water. And then the combination of these two qualities ended up nurturing an environment like hydrated and nutrient enriched soil. Again, a metaphor, like... water and collision were huge components in setting off the chain reaction that resulted in... life. And... there was some part in the text that was referring... where either that water-dense body or the proto-Earth likely came from. I don't really remember the details on that.

And then... after that... I remember the person I was with upsetting the streamer (who was there with a bunch of his friends in-character), and they left. And after I read and visualized all of that, as though I had read it out loud... he kinda knew. Honestly, I'm struggling to remember it, I'm going to get the journal real quick to refresh.

Okay, it looks like even in the journal right after I woke up I wasn't sure what had upset the streamer and the people he was with. I was reading that passage in the book in the moments leading up to him getting upset and leaving. The book had this section in it that was like MadLibs... like a simple mini-test to sorta... jog and concretize your memory of what the previous passage was about, so you could sorta... use your own brain to make the connections rather than just reading his wording. So, like... I wasn't sure if I upset him, or he witnessed the surreal visual experience I had and it upset him (because it was super vivid, like panic attack vivid, and very emotional), or maybe he knew what I read and that upset him? Maybe I accidentally read out loud and didn't realize? Or... maybe the person I was with upset him... Which, with this much time between me and the dream, seems like the most likely factor... But, either way, he got upset and left. Then... I could sorta... sense through the ceiling and walls in an almost x-ray kinda way that he was like... glaring at me. In a... judgmental, suspicious, skeptical way. In a "I'm on to you..." way. In a witch-hunty Inquisition kinda way. And that set off a massive panic response that immediately woke me up.

You know what? I reflected on this when I woke up, and it's actually really well put for 4 hours of sleep coming out of a panic attack. <pats self on back> So I'm just gonna transcribe it. Fuck it.

"I felt like I needed to impress him, and like I fucked up... which was embarrassing but passed quickly... but that turned into... genuine concern that I was in danger. Like lynching kinda danger, mob violence danger. And that's because I witnessed that last night. And the chick who was being bullied? She was like me. This crowd? These streamers? I keep gravitating towards confident bullies. Andrew Santino types. They're very talented, but their skill is a coping mechanism developed through trauma and conflict. Unprocessed trauma, typically. Because the coping mechanism is their greatest gift, and really their whole life and identity are built on it. I gravitate towards that talent. Being this aware of how these people think (because I was one of them) and how much influence they have, how followers will blindly obey them and they have thousands, made me scared of... as that guy so poetically said in my Twitch chat "(being) thrown in a river with a mill stone tied to (me)." For learning, and exploring ideas that they may consider heretical. But, more specifically, sharing them and being associated with them."

So... you can imagine how hard writing a journal entry like this can be sometimes. It feels really serious and risky, and really silly at the same time. It's not like the context I'm referring to is even... heretical, really... if anything it's trying to prove the Bible's validity! But... I've just seen a lot of dark shit in my study of humanity. A lot of dark, ignorant, zealous things that people do. And seeing that mob mentality last night? It just brought me back to that same old familiar fear. And that shit sticks, and can be hard to shake.

I'm getting really tired, so I want to kinda wrap up, so let me get to the crux of all of this.

Besides the obvious, this journal and this post, why would I be so anxious about sharing my personal beliefs publicly? 1). Family-induced trauma, let's just get that out of the way, so that explains the life-shattering severity. But the focus - I made my desire path project public today. I posted it. It was my only goal for the day. And I did it.

I put it on YouTube. It currently has 3 views and no one has watched it all the way through. I fucking hate analytics and I don't want to watch them anymore. So fucking stupid, as though you have any control over whether people give a fuck about your work. Yikes.

Then, I went into this whole pros and cons list of posting the full project on Instagram. Insta won't let you link shit, and I wanted to keep my videos all on YT because... habit, I guess? Maybe because my Rimworld series is still over there and I was hoping someone might actually give a fuck about that again someday. But after a long time going over it, I decided instead of trying to direct people to go to my profile, then go to my YT link... fuck that. I'm just going to post it there in full, too. And I did. And the grand reception? I got 2 likes. And a comment from my former "best friend", my former goddaughter's mother. And I do appreciate the sentiment. It's just been hard to process those memories.

I always wanted to be a dad. And in my 20's, I got to be her nanny for most of the week when she was around 1 year old. I was working nights and inverting my sleep schedule to drive up an hour each way to watch her during the week. I still have a picture from when I got there one day and comedically, melodramatically collapsed onto the couch in exhaustion and actually fell asleep with my legs hanging in the air off the couch and shit, right next to my goddaughter who was also passed out. And she fired me. Because I didn't "take her outside enough", which she never instructed me to do or taught me how to do. Not to mention the fact that she never paid me once, and I just... didn't ask for money? Because I was trying to be nice? Because both her and her husband were like... not parenting their infant child and just going and working jobs instead, while I watched their kid for them.

Meh, enough about that. See what it does to my head though? Nostalgia is nice... sometimes... but it can be bitter, and if you have an especially dicey past, it can turn sour real quick. So... I do appreciate her sentiment, she left a really kind compliment that seems sincere. And the emotional processing from the past? That's my job, I gotta just remember... that's in the past. I just... I feel bad for my goddaughter, and I miss her. She was the closest thing to a daughter I've ever had, besides my dog and cat, of course. The closest thing to a human daughter I've ever had. And she may not have a great role model for like... healthy emotional regulation. And I worry about her. And I do kinda feel like... that's kinda part of the godfather thing, to step up and like... be there. But at this point? I was envisioning this when I was making dinner. I feel like if I ever even do that, I'm going to be the uncle or aunt figure at the family dinner that they haven't seen in 10 years and pulls the teenage kid aside and goes "you know, I used to change your diapers, do you remember me? No? It's okay, well... if you ever need to like... talk or anything, I'm always here for you." And they'll wince through the awkwardness and then go off and play something on their phone and sigh and mutter "weirdo". But like... is it worse to not even try?

That's a quandary for another day, I just went down that line of thought because I was kinda imaginatively strategizing what might happen if my former friend messaged me. To... prepare myself.

So yeah, lots of ups and downs today. Sleep deprivation, panic, nap, social media strategy, posted the video, made dinner, watched streams, Risk of Rain, journal, and off to bed we go.

Gonna try to sneak a quick shower in before bed, screw it, see if that helps with more relaxing sleep.

To end on a more uplifted note... The Path was one of the more ambitious projects I've taken on. It was very new, super conceptual, very "risky" regarding whether anyone would "get it", also very tedious and demanding. I did the 100 runs in Minecraft, with 3 screenshots per run. I hand-drew each path, twice. I animated each path individually. I composed, played and recorded 12 minutes of original music for 4 guitars, bass and drums. I wrote the script, I recorded the voiceover (on Easter day!). I hand-drew and animated the parts of the voiceover that I couldn't really figure out what to put under, as though they were being drawn on a whiteboard. I shot cinematic B-roll in Minecraft, Google StreetView and a real life National Park. I edited it all together.

And now... it's done.

Fuck crowd reception, this was months in the making. I am goddamn proud of myself.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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etherealbelphie · 2 years

Text

Until You're Ready (Ft. Beelzebub and GN!MC)

Warnings: Season one spoilers, mentions of death and murder, panic attacks, implied romantic relationship.

Length: 1.4k words

Genre: Angst, hurt, comfort.

Summary: You've been avoiding Beel ever since Belphie's return. He wants to know why.

This fic is part 3 of an ongoing series of oneshots, here are the links to the other parts:

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (You are here) |

Hey, look who's still active! (It's me :D) So...this is actually my 100th post on this blog! So I figured it was only right to continue the series of one-shots regarding lesson 16. If you were one of my early followers, you'll know that 'Selfish' was the first post I ever made on this blog. (Except maybe those ones I made trying to figure out how to use Tumblr I don't remember if that was before or after. They're deleted now. I'm sorry if you had to see those-)

Anyways, I tried to tag the right warnings, but if I missed one, please feel free to let me know! I hope you enjoy the story!

-Ethereal (✿◡‿◡)

Story below, please don't claim as your own!

The week Belphie came back, everything was off.

Lucifer would always brush against you before you left the house.

Mammon somehow managed to be even more protective, keeping an arm around your waist at all times and growling whenever someone got too close. Including his brothers.

Levi hated leaving the house, but he would always go with you if no one else could.

Satan cut his reading time in half and spent more of it with you.

Asmo would spend less time out, and more time in your room, gossiping and having spa days.

You were a lot quieter than usual, and when you were home, you never left your room. You also spent a lot more time out with the members of Purgatory Hall, the residents of the castle, or with your other friends from RAD.

All of that was unusual, but things were especially off for the twins. You were avoiding Belphegor, which was disappointing, but not surprising.

You avoiding Beel was both.

He could definitely understand why Belphie wasn’t at the top of your hang-out list, but why were you shutting him out too?

Had he done something wrong too?

He wanted to find out.

Nothing in his recent memory seemed bad enough for this level of tension between you two. He accidentally ate your yogurt the other day, but you assured him over and over again that it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

And now that he was thinking about it, that whole yogurt thing didn’t happen until after you were already acting strange.

Well, it doesn’t really matter what caused it, does it? The fact is, you were avoiding him, and he wanted to find out why so he can could go back to spending time with you.

Finally outside your door, he faintly heard Lucifer’s voice. Sounded like he was assisting you with one of your latest homework assignments.

Hopefully you wouldn’t mind his interruption.

He knocked a few times.

“Who is it?” You called tentatively.

“It’s Beel.”

“Alright,” you answered, prompting him to come in.

As expected, you and Lucifer were seated at the large wooden desk in your room.

“We need to talk,” he informed you. He glanced at his older brother for a split second, then back to you. “Alone.”

Lucifer looked to you, a silent question. You rolled your eyes, waving your hand as if you were literally trying to brush off his concern.

Lucifer scoffed, gathering his papers. “Very well. I’ll be on my way. I’ll be in my study if you need me,” though that last comment was more directed towards you than Beel.

You realized Beel hadn’t moved from his position, so you moved from your desk to his bed. You scooted to one side, then patted the space next to you.

Beel sat down, though he was cautious not to sit too close to you. Not till he figured out what was wrong.

“So…what’s up?” You asked, giving him a slightly-off smile.

He figured it would be easiest to just come out and ask the question that’s been bothering him the past week. “Have you been avoiding me?”

There was a beat of silence, and your gaze fell to the floor.

“It’s…been a really weird week.” That much was true. Your circumstances were pretty much one of a kind. “There’s been…a lot happening.”

You fell into thought for a moment, then shook yourself out of it. You can’t dwell on…that for very long or you would fall apart it.

“Ahaha.” You let out the most unconvincing laugh, shaking your head. “Anyways, I’m sorry if I’ve been weird.”

“That’s the thing. It’s just me and Belphie-“ you visibly flinch at his name “-who…you’re acting weird with…is this about Belphie?”

The second he asked that, he felt stupid. Of course it was.

The look on your face shows that he hit the nail on the head. “It…it’s complicated,” you answered. Your smile was becoming faker by the second.

“Could you try?” he prompted.

You opened your mouth, then just a quickly closed it. You shook your head, the smile dropping off your face completely .

He didn’t know if this was better or worse.

He waited a moment as you tried to gather your thoughts.

“I know you’re happy Belphegor is back.” That wasn’t a question, that was a fact that both of you knew.

He nodded, encouraging you to continue.

“Which makes sense. He’s your brother, and…I don’t blame you for being excited about his return.” You paused. “But like…I just…can’t with him right now,” you said, unable to phrase it any better. “Honestly, I kind of wish I just left-“ You cut yourself off, cringing.

“Left him up there?” He finished your sentence, though there was no judgement. Just understanding.

You looked..almost ashamed. “Yeah.” Your voice broke, but you continued. “And I know you’re excited he’s back, but I don’t want to…think about him, like, at all right now.”

Beel scooted closer to you, throwing an arm around your shoulder and pulling you towards him. “That’s fair.”

“You think so?” You sounded surprised.

He smiled sadly, though you couldn’t see it. “I love Belphie, but I love you too. And it makes me mad when people hurt people I love. Even if I love them too. If you’re mad at Belphie, that’s okay.”

“Mad doesn’t quite cover it,” You mumbled.

“How do you feel?” He asked.

“…honestly?” You asked.

He nodded. “Always.”

“Okay.” You paused. “I’m mad at him because he hurt me. I’m mad at myself because I was stupid enough to trust him. I’m… scared, because…I’m scared it’ll happen again. You’d think with the amount of times I’ve almost been killed would’ve gotten me used to it, but…nope,” you exhaled hard, a weak laugh at something that really wasn’t funny. “…I think the worst part is that I miss him.”

“You do?” Beel asked. “I know where he is, if you want to see him.”

Your response was instant, freezing up and clutching him tightly. “No, no, no, I don’t want to,” you repeated insistently.

This wasn’t what he was trying to do.

He immediately settled back on the bed. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” He pulled you with him so you two were cuddling against the pillows. “Maybe I misunderstood what you meant.”

You nodded, trying to slow your breathing. You hadn’t quite crossed the line to a full-on panic attack, so it wasn’t as hard as it could’ve been.

He rubbed your arm soothingly, and eventually your iron grip on his shirt ceased.

“I’m not making you see him if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t want,” you managed to gasp out after a second.

“Message received.” He flashed a thumbs up as double confirmation.

“Okay.”

There was another pause before you spoke again.

“What I meant was, I miss the version of him that I knew. I don’t even know how much of it was actually him, and how much of it was a façade.”

“I do,” Beel said, causing you to shoot him a questioning glance. “You know Belphie and I share a telepathy link, right?”

You nodded.

“That means I can tell when he’s lying.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. Is there anything you want to know?”

“Is he sorry?” Your reply was instant.

“He is,” he answered. “He’s…so sorry.” Beel could’ve told you for certain that the guilt ate his brother alive, but he didn’t want to guilt-trip you either. “He wants to apologize, but he’s not sure how he would even start. He’s not sure you’d even want him to.”

“Honestly, I don’t know either,” you admit.

“That’s okay,” Beel said. “He’s the one who’s in the wrong here. He can wait for an answer until you’re ready to give one.”

You nodded, grateful for his acceptance. “Thank you.”

Beel hesitated before he spoke again. “And honestly, if you ever do decide to talk to him, I’ll be there to support you. And only you. I’m on your side with this.” He tugged you closer, gently kissing your forehead.

“That…that means a lot,” you said. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He kissed the top of your head. “Now…I hate to ruin the moment, but I’m starting to get a little hungry…” his stomach growled.

You giggled, wiping away the tears you didn't know had fallen. “Okay. Let’s go grab something to eat.”

“You’re okay with leaving your room?” He asked.

You looked a little unsure, but nodded anyways. “Promise to stay with me, though?”

“Of course.” Gently pushing you up, he sat up as well. “I’ll always stay with you. Now, come on. I want to eat some food with you.”

#obey me #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me mc #obey me lesson 16 #obey me angst #obey me comfort #obey me hurt/comfort #obey me beelzebub x mc #obey me beel x mc #Lucifer has a walk on role so he ain't getting tagged

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illicitlimerence-writes · 3 years

Text

close friends | t. holland

pairing: tom holland x fem!reader word count: 3.1k warnings: some language, some angst if u squint. otherwise it's just fluff and tom being tom. didn't proofread this. a/n: so tumblr decided to be a little bitch and deleted this t w i c e. so i had to write this t h r e e times. this came up in my head after i got like three notifications that tom posted something on his ig story, and then it turned out he deleted them. as always, english isn't my first language so i'm sorry if this gets confusing bye. also, i was listening to cardigan by taylor swift as i wrote this.

my masterlist

so we all know tom sucks at instagram. that's a surprise to literally no one. no matter how many times you tried to teach him he still doesn't get it, and it was only a matter of time before he finally posted something he shouldn't have.

it was just one of those days, you missed him like hell. he was away filming the third spiderman, and you had to stay behind because of work.

naturally, you relied on face time and texts to survive and fill the void he left behind. you loved talking to him, listening as he rambled on and on about his adventures on set. a love-struck look on your face as you tried your hardest to stay awake despite the urge to close your eyes.

eventually, sleep took over you, and you drifted off with the sound of his voice lulling you to sleep. he stopped talking abruptly when he didn't hear your soft chuckling in reply to the story he was telling.

instead, he saw your sleeping figure, long steady breaths moving your chest up and down. and he cursed himself for making you stay up so late for him. he took one last look at you, taking a screenshot of your sleeping form.

he quickly hung up the video call and opened instagram instead, uploading the screenshot to his story,

'missing my favorite girl, thank you so much for everything you do for me. x @yourusername'

the next morning you woke up to the sound of your phone buzzing. at first, thought someone had died as one notification after another filled your screen. most of them came from instagram, so you opened that app first.

thousands upon thousands of mentions, tags and new followers. you frowned, and suddenly a text from your friend popped up at the top of your screen.

'omg just saw his story. so happy for u both'

who's story? what was going on?

you refreshed your timeline, and tom's icon appeared, a colorful circle around it. an odd feeling sank in your stomach. you tapped his icon and suddenly your screen was full of... you.

a picture of you, sleeping. tom's smiling form in a small rectangle on the bottom right corner.

oh god. you read the words he wrote, over and over again. your heart pounding in your chest, and a sudden wave of fear ran through your body. but then you read his words once more, and all you could feel was love. pure, unconditional affection.

sure, your families and closest friends knew about you, but you hadn't talked about making your relationship public yet, but there was nothing you could do now.

you sighed, leaning back on your pillows. a small chuckle left your throat.

you grabbed your phone once again, quickly facetiming tom. you knew he had an early call today, and you hoped you could catch him while he was still in his hotel.

it ran once, twice, and then you saw him, hair all over the place, bare chest. hands rubbing sleep off of his face.

"mornin', darling." he said, his raspy morning voice making you smile.

"hi, baby. did i wake you?" you asked, sitting up and crossing your legs.

"yeah but it's fine, princess. i did keep you up last night so it's only fair."

"i'm sorry about falling asleep on you, that was a really nice picture you took last night," you lifted one eyebrow, and watched as he smiled at you sheepishly.

"i thought you looked really pretty, you always look pretty," he said, grabbing the water bottle on his nightstand and taking a swing.

"thanks, i hope the whole world thinks so, too," you declared. leaning your chin on your fist, watching him expectantly.

he did not react like you had expected him to.

his breath hitched as he sipped his water, and suddenly all you could see was the cream-colored ceiling, as you heard him spitting out and coughing.

"tom! oh, my god! are you okay?" you asked, getting on your knees and holding your phone up to your face, "tommy?" you repeated when he finally stopped coughing, you could now hear his heavy breaths.

at last, you saw his curls appear from the bottom of the screen.

"wh-what did you just say?" his voice was rough, his chest heaving.

"are you okay?" you asked again.

"ye-yeah i'm fine. babe, what did you mean by 'the whole world'? did something happen?" he asked, frowning. you echoed his expression, watching him for a second.

“you posted a picture to your story,” you repeated, and he nodded.

“yeah, i posted it to my close friends, i-” he stopped mid-sentence, eyes growing comically wide. “oh shit, did i-” he caught himself off as he threw the phone to one side, you heard him fumbling around for his laptop and you snorted. “shit, baby, don’t tell me i posted it… fuck!” you couldn’t keep it in any longer, you broke out laughing.

“of course this is how the world finds out about us!” you continued giggling until your stomach hurt.

“fuck, princess i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to, i swear i- why are you laughing!?”

“tommy, tommy! it’s okay, baby, don’t worry. i’m not mad,” you stopped once you noticed his pouting. “it’s fine, my love, i don’t mind. sure it’s unexpected, and a little sudden but i wouldn’t have it any other way. i knew what i was getting into when we started dating,” you told him honestly, wishing you were there to give him a hug and kiss him all over.

“darling, i’m really, really sorry. i swear i thought i tapped the green button like you told me to” he continued his sulking, nervous eyes glancing back and forth from his laptop screen to you.

“i know, baby, i know this is not your forte, and i really appreciate the sweet gesture, honestly. i love you so much,” you told him as you bit your lip. folding your legs to your chest, wrapping one around them.

“god, i love you. i swear i’ll make it up to you,” he ran his hand through his hair, giving you a quick peek of his bare chest.

“i’ll hold you to it,” you chuckled, you glanced to the clock on your nightstand, sighing when you saw the time. “i’ve gotta go,” you said as you stood up and stretched. a wicked idea ran through you head. “i’ve got like five meetings today, so i’ll probably be busy most of the day. just in case i don’t reply or something,” you made up you lie quickly. grabbing your laptop and opening a new tab.

“oh, okay. i’ll be on set until like 1 am, so we’ll talk tomorrow?” he asked, eyes bright. you nodded, biting your lip.

“definitely. i love you,” you blew him a kiss. he smiled, and you felt your heart swelling.

“i love you, too. good luck today!” he said as you reluctantly hung up the call.

you immediately got to work, calling your assistant and telling her you were taking a few personal weeks, and to email you in case of emergencies. next, you texted harry, asking him to call you once tom was busy on set.

you waited for the page to load, and once you had bought your one-way ticket to atlanta you hurriedly threw some pre-planned outfits into two suitcases, just in case. your phone rang and harry’s face popped up on your screen. you quickly answered the call, and let him know of your out-of-the-blue plan. he agreed to meet you at the airport and drive you to set. and because of your recent and sudden rise to fame, he suggested you wear all black and a cap. you followed his advice, throwing on some sunglasses as well, as you had seen tom do many times before.

once you reached the airport and checked-in, you bought some coffee and breakfast, as well as some food for the flight. you opened instagram, seeing all the messages and comments. you had seen how the fans reacted when their favorite celebrities announced a relationship, and you knew to expect the meanest comments, and even death threats. for your own sake and peace of mind, you allowed yourself to scroll until you read three of those, and closed the app.

once the plane took off, you tried to catch some sleep, preparing for the inevitable jet lag, but your mind kept buzzing from one scenario to another. so you took out your book and tried to read some chapters, putting in your earbuds, music playing quietly.

when you finally, finally landed, you stretched your legs and grabbed your bags, putting on the cap and sunglasses again, you spotted a familiar head of wild curls. you quickly approached harry.

“what happened to all black and a cap to go unnoticed?” you asked as he took one of your bags in his hands.

“think about it, two kids wearing black, a cap and sunglasses? people would think we’re up to no good.” he gave you a tight hug, you’d missed him almost as much as you’d missed tom.

he caught you up on everything he and tom had been doing these past months, you shifted in your seat in excitement, the sleep that was slowly taking over you on the plane had now disappeared from your body.

in what was probably a 15 -but to you felt like five- minute drive, you got to the hotel to leave your bags and take a quick shower. harry left you alone in tom’s room, making his way to his own room next door. he said he’d order something for you to eat whilst you got ready to see tom.

you took the quickest shower ever known to humankind, and when you walked out of the bathroom after using tom’s shampoo and conditioner, -you’d missed his smell all over you. the few forgotten hoodies and shirts that were once drenched in the smell of his soap and cologne, were now very faint.- you wrapped a bathrobe around your body, rummaging through tom’s clothes until you found one of his shirts.

you pulled it close to your face, sighing at the familiar scent you’d missed so much. you got dressed quickly, grabbing your now fully-charged phone and the key to tom’s room that harry had left on a coffee table. you knocked on harry’s door and he let you in.

“i just texted tom, he says they’ve got like three hours left.” you sat next to him on the couch, the table in front of you filled with food waiting to be devoured.

“my poor baby, they overwork him,” you pouted, reaching for one of the plates.

“it was his idea, said he’ll do anything that helps finish filming sooner.” you stopped chewing your food.

“wait, really?” you asked in disbelief, you knew tom loved his job, and you found it odd that he wanted to cut his time on set short.

“yeah, it’s been rough for him. not having you around, i mean, after he spent months with you. he’s been pretty distracted lately. messing up lines, he’s been waking up late and missing early calls...” your heart sank at the words. you ate the rest of your food with a knot in your stomach, cursing yourself for not getting there sooner. soon enough, you were back in the car, your leg bouncing up and down. you fell asleep on your way to set, waking up when harry parked the car and nudged your shoulder.

you stepped out carefully, your head turning back every few steps you took, in fear that tom might catch you. once you reached the stage where tom was filming, you flashed the visitor badge harry had given you to the guard and he let you both in. you walked in as you leaned down, your forehead against harry’s back, shielding you from the curious stares. harry told you to hide behind a giant box where they kept some lights whilst he spoke to the director.

although the box was big and tall enough to cover you completely, you crouched down, straining your ears for nearing footsteps. you heard two sets of feet approaching, your heartbeat racing.

you were met with your accomplice, a friendly-looking man behind him. you stood up as they approached you.

“this the girl?” the man asked, and harry nodded, “nice to meetcha, i’m jon.” you shook his hand, “okay, so we’ve cleared tom’s schedule for one week, we’ll need him back fully recharged and ready to work like it’s his first day on set, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like, if it means he’ll work better if you’re here you can stay until we're done. i really don’t mind, i just need my guy back.” you blinked at his words, nodding slowly. “we’ve got a couple hours left tonight, i’m all up for some cheesy reunion, but it’ll have to be when we’re finished, i can barely keep him focused as it is.”

with that he left, and harry led you to tom’s trailer, where you caught some sleep while you waited. like that morning, you woke up to your phone buzzing. you reached for it, sleep leaving your body as you read the text.

‘just finished filming for the night, i’m exhausted. miss u, love you. x.’

all rational thoughts left your head, you opened the door to tom’s trailer and sprinted out of there until you reached the set. your eyes finally, finally met his figure, and tears filled your eyes.

your legs moved on their own accord, you mumbled apologies as you crashed into people, but you didn’t care. tom had his back to you, and even though he wasn’t wearing the spiderman costume, you’d recognize that ass anywhere.

“tom!” you called out, stopping a few feet away from him. you saw him whipping his head around, eyes scanning the sea of people. you made your way up to him, “tommy!” you repeated, and he finally turned around.

his mouth wide opened in disbelief, arms twitching, feet running towards you as you did the same. you crashed into each other, your legs wrapping around him, arms around his neck, fingers curling on his soft hair. his hands running all over your back, your hair. pulling you as close as humanly possible.

whispers of ‘i love you’, ‘god, i missed you’, ‘never leave me again’, and ‘i promise’ were exchanged. you tightened your hold on his hair, pulling back to look at him.

“hi,” you whispered, your nose brushing his.

“hey,” he replied, burying his face on your neck again, pressing small kisses anywhere he could reach. his hands settled on the back of your thighs as he spun you two. you giggled, sniffling as a few tears escaped your eyes.

you could not care less about the people around you, all you could think about was the boy wrapped all over you, your favorite boy. tom led you back to his trailer, where you finally untangled yourself from him. he settled you down and you immediately wrapped your arms around his waist, pulling him close to you again.

you had been starved of his touch for so long, there was no way you were letting him go anytime soon.

after many kisses, touches, tears, promises and more kisses, you left for the hotel. harry had already left, getting a ride from another cast member to leave you two alone. at that moment you swore you’d make him godfather of your firstborn child.

as you waited for tom to step out of the shower -you would’ve joined him, but three showers in a day seemed kind of excessive-, you laid down on the bed, throwing the covers over your body, tom's scent engulfing you. you breathed in happily. you tapped on your phone, replying to some work emails when you received a text from harry.

‘i believe the ball is in your court. you’re welcome.’

next, you received a picture of you and tom. harry must’ve taken the picture when you and tom were too lost in each other to even notice anyone around you. in the picture, your legs are around tom, bodies pressed closed together, your noses touching as you stare lovingly into each other’s eyes. it was a beautiful picture. and the black and white filter harry had applied to it made it seem like one of those old pictures of wives reuniting with their spouses after the war.

you smiled, heart swelling with emotion as you contemplated your options. you hummed quietly, tapping the instagram logo and waiting for the app to load.

you quickly uploaded the picture harry sent you tagging both him and tom and adding a quick caption before you shut down your phone. you were drifting off to sleep when you felt familiar arms around you.

you leaned into tom’s touch, your back resting against his chest, legs tangling with his as he interlocked his fingers with your own.

“thank you so much for being here, my love. i love you,” tom whispered into your ear, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“i’ll be here whenever you need me. i’ll always come back to you.” you turned around, facing him. you kissed the corner of his lips, and he cupped your cheek, his lips meeting yours in a slow kiss, filled with emotion. your fingers played with his fingers as you moved to straddle his waist. “i love you,” you broke the kiss reluctantly. as much as you both wanted to make love that night, you’d made it your top priority that tom took his time off to rest as much as he could, and that included that first night.

you gave him one last kiss, going back to your previous position. the familiar and comfortable weight of his arms around you, the feeling of his lips on your neck, his chest rising and falling against your back, you couldn’t ask for anything better.

the peaceful environment you had created suddenly burst like a bubble as tom’s phone pinged over and over again. you heard him grunting, arms reluctantly leaving you.

tom chuckled, putting his phone on do-not-disturb and throwing it somewhere on the bed.

“you’re perfect for me, my favorite girl.” you smiled, leaning into his touch as he kissed you all over. sleep quickly taking over both of you.

tom swore his heart stopped when he’d seen the picture you posted. you’d never looked more beautiful than when you were staring up at him, your bottom lip between your teeth. the words you wrote as a caption were the last thing on his brain as he finally succumbed to sleep.

‘i said, “i bet you can’t keep this a secret for five months.” he said, “darling, i won’t make it past three.” @ tomholland2013 it’s been 10 months, who won?’

edit: i just saw henry cavill's ig post and omg what is my life. pls respect celebrities' privacy and relationships.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker fluff #peter parker smut #peter parker fic #peter parker fanfic #tom holland fic #tom holland fanfic #marvel #mcu #avengers imagine

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itsallyscorner · 3 years

Text

For Tom x

Pairing: Tom Holland x singer!reader

Summary: You have a surprise for Tom:)

Warnings: none, just pure teeth rotting Fluff:)

A/n: Hello my loves! This is literally a rewrite because I accidentally deleted the original version of this story on Tumblr RIGHT before I was gonna post it😭 Anyway here it is, I hope you all like it! Ally x

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

look at my sunshine🥺

꘎♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡꘎

Your giggles filled the hallway as you lead Tom into your makeshift studio. Since you were quarantining with him and his mates in their shared home in London, you were miles away from your crew and studio. Which, yes, made it difficult to record an entire album on your own—but it did give you the creative freedom to do whatever you pleased for the album.

The boys had their own creative outlets; for example putting together a puzzle or having a movie marathon. While you found those activities enjoyable, the inner singer in you couldn’t stop thinking of beats or coming up with lyrics in your head. You needed the studio—you needed to bring those beats and lyrics to life before you could forget them. So with the help of the houses’ tech lord himself, Harry made it possible for you to have your own little studio in the spare guest room of the house. There, you spent endless days writing and recording things like harmonies and building melodies. Little did you know that this would lead to the creation of your sixth album. Now a couple months later, your latest album is currently in its final stages and would soon be released to the world.

Tom adoringly watched your figure, which was drowned in one of his oversized jumpers, excitedly skip towards the guest room. As soon as you were both inside, you rushed to close the door and eagerly pushed him to sit on the edge of the bed.

“What have you been up to, lovey?” He teasingly asks you. He knew you were up to something, he just didn’t know if it were bad or good.

Your figure was bent over the desk where your laptop was located. Turning over your shoulder you tell him, “It’s nothing bad, I promise!” You’re met with an amused grin on his blush pink lips.

Gathering your laptop into your arms, you move to sit beside Tom on the bed. He curiously leans forward, trying to get a glance at what’s on your screen.

“Nuh uh, it’s a surprise, Thomas.” You playfully scold him and gently push his face away from your laptop. He responds with a pout against your palm before pressing a kiss onto your skin. You continue to click around on your laptop, looking through your documents for the specific file.

Meanwhile, Tom shuffles further up the bed, getting comfortable. He notices the new distance between you and him and decides that he’s unsatisfied with the additional inches. He choses to snake his arms around your waist and lifts you up, happily placing you on the empty and lonely space on his lap. Laying down on his back, he takes a moment to admire the way you look in his jumper. It was a few sizes bigger than you and stopped right above your knees. The jumper may have looked good on him, but it looked absolutely perfect on you.

“You look so cute in my jumper.” He hums, hands lazily rubbing up and down your thighs. Your nose scrunches up as you lightly slap his chest; your silent way of saying “shut up” whenever Tom would say something that made you blush.

You finally find the file you were looking for and place your laptop on your lap. You nervously glance at your screen, biting down on your lip out of habit.

“Ok, so I did something.” You started. Tom squints his eyes at you, “That sounds like the beginning of a really bad something.”

You huff, “I just told you it wasn’t anything bad! Do you want your surprise or not?”

Tom chuckles and grasps onto your thighs, “Yes—yes, sorry, keep going.”

“So you know how I’ve already finished my album?” You question him. Tom nods, staring up at you while you sit on his thighs.

“Well, I wrote a few more songs that were supposed to be on the album. But I don’t know, I felt a bit greedy and decided to keep them for myself.” You explain. Tom raises a brow at you, “Baby, you don’t have to feel guilty about keeping songs to yourself. If you don’t want to share them, you don’t have to.”

“No, it’s just that, they’re about you.” You pause, staring down at your fingers that fiddled together. “Like I wrote them specifically for you to listen to. I wanted to include them on the album, but it just didn’t feel right to share something that was meant only for you.”

You place your laptop on the bed and turn it so the screen is facing Tom.

“So...as a solution, I made you your own album.” You were too busy avoiding his stare, that you missed the twinkle in Tom’s coffee colored orbs. He carefully sits up, his arms around you getting tighter, as he pulls you closer into his chest. Tom ducks his head down to yours, nudging your nose with his to get you to look at him. When your eyes finally meet, the lopsided grin on his features grows wider.

“You made me my own album?”

“Yeah.” You shyly answer. Tom softly coos at you, cupping your face and pressing a chaste kiss onto both of your cheeks.

“You are the most precious thing in the world, sunshine, I swear.” He squishes your cheeks together and began to cover your face with butterfly like kisses. Sweet laughs erupt from you, the sounds making Tom’s heart swell.

You stuff your face in the space between his neck and shoulder, using it as a place to hide from his lips. Instead, Tom opts to lay his kisses along the side of your face, your neck, and your shoulder.

“Lemme kiss you!” He whines. You chuckle at him, finally moving away from his neck. His attention darts towards your lips more than once, prompting you to lean forward and connect them with his. Tom’s lips were soft against yours, like clouds or cushiony pillows. The kiss was short and sweet; though it didn’t prevent you from feeling the adoration and passion he felt for you in that moment. In fact, he felt it all the time, but right now, his love for you was coursing through his veins.

He finally pulls away, leaving the taste of him linger in your mouth. “Can I have a listen?” He motions his head towards your laptop beside him.

“Go ahead.” Tom’s arms unravel from your waist, the area they once occupied left cold and yearning for his warmth. He uses one of his elbows to hold himself up and the other to control the touchpad. His eyes scan the file.

For Tom x

someone like u

test drive

worst behavior

main thing

He glances at you, “I start with ‘someone like u’, right?” You reply with a quiet “mhm”.

Tom clicks on the link. The opening notes of ‘someone like u’ begin to play followed by your angelic voice. You hear him release a content sigh, making a small smile to form on your lips. His arms make their way around you again, this time holding you closer against him. He rests his head on your chest and sneakily presses a kiss onto your neck. You fondly run a hand through his curly hair and rest your chin on the top of his head, listening to the songs you’ve made for him.

The two of you listen through the album in one go with no stops. You found joy in Tom’s reactions towards every song. Sometimes he would make little comments or sounds of shock whenever he heard you hit a certain note. He nodded along to the beats of ‘test drive’ and ‘worst behavior’, dancing around in his seat and making you join him. This time, you didn’t miss the twinkle in his eyes when he listened closely to the lyrics. ‘Main thing’ got him the most, leaving him with a goofy-lovesick grin plastered onto his face.

When ‘main thing’ came to a close, the room became silent, leaving Tom enough time to process the four songs you wrote about him and the meanings behind them.

You were the first to speak, “So did you like it?” You scan his face looking for any signs of dislike.

Tom’s eyes widen, “Are you kidding me? That was bloody fantastic—that was the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard! I’m obsessed with it, oh my god!” He expressed, arms moving around as he spoke.

His face was radiating with happiness, “You are the most talented and loving woman in the world. And I honestly don’t know what I did to deserve you or your love—but I just love you so fucking much.”

“I love you so fucking much too, you dork.” You laugh, pecking his lips.

“No, but seriously, thank you so much. I know you’re used to writing songs, but the fact that you actually took the time to write songs about me means a lot. They’re just a bunch of songs, but they mean the world to me and I cherish each and every one of them.” He admits, taking one of your hands and placing it onto his heart. Your palm feels the faint rhythm of his heart beating against his chest.

You tilt your head at him, mirroring the smile on his face, “I’ll always write songs about you. You somehow manage to inspire them anyway.”

Tom smirks, “Well I am Tom Holland.” You snort and roll your eyes at his humble brag.

“You’re still a dork, Tommy.” You comment.

Tom shrugs, “I’m a special dork because I’m your dork. Therefore making me superior to the other existing dorks—there’s a difference, darling.”

“And where did you come up with this hypothesis, Mr. Holland?” You question him, playing along with his antics.

“It’s Tom’s Theory.” He answers with feign seriousness. You burst out laughing, “Oh is it?”

Tom leans down to your laptop and restarts his album. “Yes, and now Tom’s Theory, believes that we should listen to the album again until I learn all the lyrics to every single song.” He proclaims.

“Babe, you don’t have to—” Tom stops you, “I’m dead serious.”

It was going to be a long night.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Tags ↴

*@/username = Tumblr won’t let me tag you :( *

Tom Holland + characters Taglist

↪︎ @lovableparker @aprettyfleur @sunwardsss @dummiesshort @thotforcriminalminds @cuddlykoala101 @itstaskeen @whoslili @white-wolf1940 @tomsirishgirlx @roseke @kaylans-imagines @spideyspeaches @slutforsebstan

General Taglist

↪︎ @quxxnxfhxll @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @thegirlwiththediary @agustdowney @bi-lmg @rqmanoff @sesamepancakes @stardustofreading

#tom holland x singer!reader #Tom Holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland imagines #tom holland imagine #Tom Holland fluff #tom holland headcanon #avengers #tom holland drabble #mcu #tom holland blurb #marvel #tom holland one shot #ally’s request #thomas stanley holland #Tom Holland one shots

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jackredfieldwasmyjacob · 3 years

Text

I was (kinda) tagged by @glittertrail, mil gracias jo 🥰🥰🥰

1. Why did you choose your url?: When i was a kid and on my first social media sites (basically Deviantart and mail accounts) i always used "jackdragon" as my username because of Jack Redfield from Memorias de Idhún, I wanted to keep that theme on Tumblr and I came up with this one I quite like :)

2. Any side blogs?: Yes, both are dead but I don't really know how / want to delete them lol, they're @skamesptranslations for, well, Skam España clip translations; and @gleespana again, pretty self explanatory, I had a project of rebooting Glee but set in Spain and with Spanish songs and stuff.

3. How long have you been on tumblr?:

I created the account on 2014, but from 2015-2016 I was absent. I came back in 2017 and I've been here since.

4. Do you have a queue tag?:

Nope

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?:

I honestly don't remember? I think it had to do a bit with the crush I had at the moment, she had a Tumblr and maybe I wanted to have something in common with her? I don't remember us talking about Tumblr tho 6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?: I wanted an Amira icon cause she's my favourite character from the Skamverse and someone made that really funny edit with the Hackerman meme after the clip in season 2 where Amira dug up all info on Joana and whatnot; so I just took it lol (looking back I should've asked for permission, sorry to whoever it was).

7. Why did you choose your header?:

Kieutou is probably my favourite ship ever so yeah. But after Druck ends my Skamverse era will probably be over and tho I want to keep the pfp I want to change the header; I don't really know what to choose as a replacement tho (I'm all ears if you have any suggestions!!!) 8. What’s your post with the most notes?:

A "put in the tags" post I made a while ago about what would your name be if you were named after the river closest to your hometown. It blew up way more than I could've predicted, last time I saw it I think it had over 5k notes. 9. How many mutuals do you have?:

I haven't counted but I would say around 200? Maybe??? 10. How many followers do you have?:

1062 which I think is just insane 11. How many people do you follow?:

601 12. Have you ever made a shitpost?:

Yeah, I've made some lol 13. How often do you use tumblr each day?:

Too much... No but really, I would say, in total, it must be like 2-3 hours? Maybe? 14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once?:

I don't really remember any, no! I've had some hate anons (and non-anons) but there was never any beef I think 15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?:

I don't really like them tbh, sometimes I will reblog it nevertheless (if the cause is important enough to me), but most of the time I'll just ignore it 16. Do you like tag games?:

I love them!!! 17. Do you like ask games?: Everybody knows I love them, yeah, they're my favourite part of this site!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?:

There certainly are mutuals that are big in the skam fandom but I don't know if they would classify as "tumblr famous", they are for me at least I guess. I would say @jon-astronaut, @j-purplesunsets-rainydays @fatoudixon (I screamed when I saw you were a mutual hello 😳) @aahelvede and @gotskamstuff are the most well-known mutuals I have. And apart from them, I have an irl famous mutual, miss Hajar Brown herself which honestly makes me loose my mind everytime I remember it lol. 19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?: Not really! I do have a lot of friendship crushes like @ la ganga, @skamesp @claimedbytheearth @minglana @im-too-tired-to-think @espanhois @what-islife15 (my beloved❤) and many more I'm probably forgetting but yeah, none romantic I think (and if I had I wouldn't say it lmaooo)

And I tag basically everyone I have already mentioned (la ganga: @naguaraquerandom @alicechesire @eskamtrash @sarcasmisalifechoice) @looselysealedkrypton @afolksongs @sonechkaandthedynamos (i just realized i should've include you in famous people as well, you're one of the balkan tumblrinas!!!) @gwendolynlerman

#tag #i had a blast making this ngl #also sorry for all the tags i'm sorry if i annoy any of you!#especially the ones i deemed tumblr famous

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incarnateirony · 4 years

Text

An anti dressed up as a shipper, an idiot, and a terf all walk into the same bar.

It’s the same picture person.

A lesson.

Warning: if the title doesn’t give it away, queerphobic content comes up in this from the other party being documented.

So, some of you may have watched a twitter exercise yesterday.

It started simple: concern trolling white knight “for the writers” comes in to angrily declare fans doing something tagged in support of them about Destiel was “out of line.” She claimed things like “Misha was gaslit into supporting Destiel”, and pulled all kinds of stunts.

She immediately got on a soap box yelling “I HAVE A LIT CRIT DEGREE, I KNOW AUTHOR INTENT” of course implying she knew better than EVERYONE around her how to read text. She then pulled, of all things, @chill-legilimens ‘ article about the network gods gutting the show out of the internet, and somehow misread it SO FUCKING BADLY -- SO FUCKING BADLY -- she thought it aligned with HER. She argued that fans influenced the writers, essentially, and basically pulled the exact opposite of the very clearly delivered message there out. When it was pointed out we know this author and even sometimes help edit their pieces, and she was, flat out misreading it while bragging about how good she is at deciphering text, it turned into a SHITSHOW.

I had watched her give a large group of queer people 2 days of runaround, while they tried to be polite, and similarly tried to prove everything while she proved nothing. Just preached. After 2 days of them exhausting themselves on her, I came in doing my blunt & savage thing, because fuck civility culture when it’s used by oppressors. Of course, she immediately started tone policing, while herself being an arrogant shitbrick the whole way.

She continued to preach author intent and talk down about “headcanons.” You see, she knew the authors very well. Berens’ name was mentioned in passing, and she came back with. “Who’s Berens? Is that the author of the article?” after Deirdre’s name had been directly cited in associated with it about 15 times.

(credit: @judgehangman )

But it gets better. She started pulling the “authors have said Dean is straight.” line. Now, at this point, we had already sourced her at least four pieces of information (quite formally too: SPN Official DVD Collection Season 8 episode 13 creative commentary, Edlund and Sgriccia; Dissent Magazine The Attack Queers Bob Berens review; the books in the office with screenshots, and more.) So we issued one simple request: Okay. Source.

For the next-- I shit you not-- 10 hours she bricked the thread to death, finding any and EVERY rabbit hole she could try to venture down. For the first hour or two a few of us tried to actually debate her newly raised points, but still gave reminder that we were waiting for her source. Every tweet was an opportunity for her to drop a 15 tweet thread trying to derail onto a new topic, and often clarifying she had no idea about any of it (Edlund, Sgriccia, Berens, Dabb--who she couldn’t spell the name of--and Deirdre all became an amorpheous blob in her retelling that she swore she looked at sources and wasn’t convinced, while she crossed all the data and comments about the sources). She tried to challenge that anyone could know all the writers and episodes just because she proved she couldn’t, even when multiple people expressed it to her extremely rapidly with not just author and director listings, but cross references on when they overlapped and major elements (like the 15.20 shot 19 tree being the Kim Manners memorial tree). She randomly babbled about Kripke once. Lied her way through and claimed those sources were vague. Etc.

But at some point, I decided, we’re not playing this distraction game. You wanted a debate, you claim you have a lit crit degree, and thus know the entire art is Argumentation. A source, if you’re declaring knowing author intent. One source. Any time she dropped a distraction tweet, I replied to her thread with things like a list of our sources vs her lack of any and a reminder. I installed a counter ticker. How many times had she been asked to either recant her point or give a single source?

Someone made a list of the logical fallacies she used in the argument. It was two tweets long and still missed several obvious ones. That didn’t stop her. Neither did the dozens of requests for a source or a recant. Onwards, she marched, derailing time and again. She brought in a buddy to try to distract, but he fell out real quick when he realized “the burden of proof lies on the arguer” shot him and her both in the feet in record time and he ducked out.

Other greatest hits came out like “Dubs (Dabb’s) fanfic books”, and calling the ability to list authors and episodes “headcanons.”

Over time, the dialogue shifted: see, she came in trying the snide “enjoy your headcanons” downtalk, but as time and time again she was pulverized on every point about the show, or the authors, or anything else while STILL never even giving a single source to even her FIRST POINT and running distractions, it became a reality-- she was told, “We’ll enjoy our canon and author intent. You can enjoy your headcanon of... Dabb’s fanfic books and Lord Barons and the writers being collective hallucinations and whatever else in your hot takes about the show content itself” and she FLIPPED SHIT.

As the ticker for sources approached 100, she started becoming flustered. Before that, even, she started repetitively misgendering Ezra (no tumblr to link in), and Ezra screenshot their bio of they/them and asked them to adjust. Ignored. Ezra linked this request and asked it to be addressed again, and again, and again. 13 times. Ezra linked it 13 times. She even replied to several of them. No avail. No change. Not until literally any and every tweet in her vicinity either had “source?” or “address gender?” for her to reply to did she flee there, and write some giant write-around of “oh, I didn’t see this, sorry” but still refused to actually use it. Or “I’ll use the right one now.” No, just completely strickened pronouns from her vocabulary with Ezra moving forward, after not one mistake, not two, not five, but 13 answers.

At this point, I notice a trend: throughout the entire conversation, she had flip flopped on my pronouns, clearly confused as to what to call me. As I generally don’t care (honestly I prefer he but meh), it didn’t ping me as something to react to while she switched religiously between “he” and “she”. But I realized now, despite all of that confusion: she never once thought to use “they.” Also earlier we found tweets of hers that, while now declaring herself bisexual, she used troublesome wording in the past to blur the line on if she was an ally or, as she phrased it “maybe less than 100% straight in the bell curve” in other conversations.

I mutter about this on the side to Ezra and some friends, but continue on towards the 100 ticker that was the goal to show people in this digital terrarium how disingenuous most people you argue with are -- an exhibit for the class. They know they’re lying and have been caught, but will not cede to admit “oops, I guess I was wrong.” but rather stick, unironically, to their own headcanons about things. After all, they vaguely sorta apologized even if suddenly just refusing to use any pronouns at all on Ezra after that. And she’s so quick to disappear into 15 tweet bombs of distraction trying to play victim for being held accountable at this point, we just didn’t jump to a conclusion on that, alarming as it is.

So. You know. Source.

At this point, she RANDOMLY starts evoking the fact that like, How Dare, She Watched Gay Men Die To AIDS, She Is A Great Philanthropist How Dare How Dare.

I’m sorry, did you just evoke the blood of our dead to run away from the most basic scrap of accountability in what is literally the first wave of a lit debate because for the last 10 hours you have refused to take the necessary steps to move on to the next point? Did you... just... evoke the ghosts of gay men that were genocided to, essentially, pull up a smokescreen and run away from being party to queer erasure? Or even just? Giving a source? or admitting you were wrong on one point in a debate? Wow, you really just did that.

Naturally, people involved got pissed. Her Sources ticker hit 100, but at this point, all that haunted her was how completely fucking vile and inappropriate that was in this discussion.

She got blocked. She then tried to glom onto anyone that hadn’t blocked or muted her and run the same argumentation points she had earlier been decimated in the argument with, while yelling “I ship Destiel too! I wanted them to have sex too! Why does this make me the bad guy?” around the block and hoping nobody actually read the thread. She tried to pitch the “headcanons” point of view again, hoping a new audience would lick her boots. She was, largely, ignored; given a few more comments about her leaving the conversation losing all points and only covered in the blood of our dead she was so proud of; blocked by a few more. (unsurprisingly, if you check her actual tweet history, she seems more invested in Megstiel but)

This is when CommaSameleon -- a professor with two lit degrees and a primary focus in teaching the art of Argumentation -- literally -- stepped in. She initially tried to engage the fact that, well, this woman not only can’t argue out of a paper sack but wasn’t even arguing, she was just running in circles and distracting from all the points and hadn’t addressed a single lit point directly while preaching down at people. But Sam, also, noticed something. This woman kept changing things like “queerphobia” to “homophobia.” Sam mentioned this kinda puts off TERF vibes (I think Sam picked up on the gendering thing herself too.)

Her response? Which she deleted since? But Discord’s embed helpfully saved?

Her inacted non-apologies remain weak, especially in any form of debate be it lit or now queer topics.

Oh I’m sorry, let’s recap her viewpoints: TERF is a slur. “They” is made up and should be avoided at all costs. The blood of dead gay men are a token to use in a lit debate you’re avoiding responsibility in. After this, “authors are headcanons” is suddenly not your worst take, but fascinating that you 13 times didn’t even read the blatant ass screenshot. And I mean, these weren’t subtle or easy to miss these 13 times.

100. She had 100 chances, literally, on a timer, to give a source or shut up with her platforming until she had one. Instead, she chose every rabbit hole she could manifest to disappear into, only to be met by another request for a source, and not moving on until we address the first points. We’ve given ours, now you give yours. Instead, you choose this. This is the hill you choose to die on, rather than admitting, “Sorry, I guess I was wrong” or “I guess I heard that somewhere, my bad.” 100 chances. 13 direct QT requests to address gender which she replied to but didn’t reply to until cornered (and still didn’t, truly, reply to), and “TERF is a slur.” Oh, and after waving around the dead men’s blood she also suddenly Can’t Be A Terf Because She Adopted Two Trans Kids. Lord help those children. Or, you know, the more realistic thing is she’s just manifesting all kinds of bullshit at this point to save face, which is probably why she deleted all the related tweets that show she’s a giant-ass TERF.

So anyway, this is very much a lesson on:

Paying attention to how people manipulate conversation to erase genuine discussion and debate.

Paying attention to WHY they do it. Motivation on methods and tactics will clear up a lot.

Figuring out HOW they try to sound woke about shit and when it’s entirely fucking vile and inappropriate to pull

And by all above points, figuring out that these people are among us, and how NOT to let them influence your conversations.

I don’t care if it’s about a discussion on a ship or show or anything else. People do this. A lot. Extremely dedicatedly, if the 100 asks doesn’t make that clear.

Stop letting people railroad your conversations with disingenuous bullshit.

So anyway in honor of this I made everyone a gif

Use at will. It’s tagged anti-terf if you want to use the search feature on it.

UPDATE:

Just went and checked. She went and deleted literally her entire side of the conversation, hundreds if not thousands of tweets. Luckily, Ezra mentioned repeatedly -- and I do trust them inherently -- that they were saving the entire conversation, so that zip file exists somewhere. How fascinating, after she accused us that we would want to delete tweets. Someone realized they had a bad look and giant failure all around.

Also, a related anon that links to an earlier part of this conversation I didn’t even document where she was crying about “cis erasure” [x] This shit went on so long I legit forgot about that.

#supernatural #spn #destiel #anti-terf #debate

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xutokawa · 4 years

Text

↬ dance with me | pt. 1

pairing: k.bokuto x fem!reader

genre(s): soulmate!au, soul-crushing angst, some fluff, childhood best friends to lovers

warnings: langauge

wc: 1.2k

» series masterlist

✧ updates every 1-3 days

a/n: this is my first time writing anything after i accidentally deleted my beloved tumblr a couple years back. i hope you guys are ready for a ride of a lifetime because this is an emotional rollercoaster :D

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Your body lurched forward as a heavy force swung across your upper back; a loud, boisterous force. A familiar “hey, y/n!” rang in your ears as a smile spread across your face.

“Hey, Bo,” you laugh out. Seeing you walk down the hallways with Bokuto’s arm slung around your shoulders was a common sight for your classmates. The two of you were practically forced to become best friends. You grew up across the street from each other, so naturally the two of you constantly crossed paths, whether it was at the neighborhood playground or on the way to school. Soon enough, fond memories of your childhood began filling with Bokuto at your side.

“So, may I interest you in some Yakult this fine morning? You need your nutrients and probiotics to grow strong and healthy!” Bokuto teased as he pulled out two small Yakult bottles from his uniform pocket, waving them in your face. You scoffed as you pushed away his hand, rolling your eyes.

“You know you don’t need to be sly about asking for my homework anymore,” you said as you began swinging your backpack to the front of your body, unzipping it.

“I know, I just always feel guilty taking it. I know how hard you work and for me to just take it seems completely unfair!” the owl-haired spiker pouted, slipping the Yakult bottles into your pockets, a slight blush dusting your cheeks as his hands brushed against your sides.

Bokuto needing your homework became a common occurrence starting in middle school. As volleyball slowly overtook his life, he had less and less time for his studies. By the time his practices or games were over, Bokuto no longer had any energy to do anything except lean on your shoulders as the two of you walked home. He tried to do his own work, wanting none of his successes to come from anything except his own hard work, but you couldn’t sit by and watch him work himself half to death, struggling to stay awake to finish his math homework as drool dripped onto his homework.

In return, the owl-haired spiker would compensate for your homework answers by taking you out for ice cream after his practices or bringing you breakfast, knowing you often skipped out on the meal. You don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the way, you began wishing that Bokuto would take you out for ice cream not to repay you for homework answers, but as a no-so-platonic date.

Maybe it was his constant enthusiasm that never failed to cheer you up, or maybe it was the way you seemed to be the only person able to bring him out of his emo mood swings (until Akaashi showed up), but in some ways, Bokuto made you feel special.

You knew it would be wrong to indulge in your feelings for Bokuto. The impending loom of your eighteenth birthday was a constant reminder. You knew that you had a soulmate waiting for you, and the chances of it being Bokuto were slim to none. The wing spiker had already gotten his soulmate mark, being three months older than you.

You often found yourself staring at it, whether it was during class or his practices. The three horizontal lines drawn across his wrist seemed to mock you at times, as if telling you there was someone in this world better for Bokuto than you. Someone who could make him infinitely happier than what you could. Someone he would care for as much as you cared for him.

You were hoping to meet your soulmate quickly, thinking that meeting them would make you lose all feelings you had for Bokuto. No longer would you have to feel the guilt of wanting to take someone else’s true love away.

You were quickly shaken out of your thoughts once you felt Bokuto’s movements stop next to you. The transformation of the spiker’s usual confident smile into a shell-shocked look was all too familiar.

“What’s wrong? Forgot your practice clothes again?” you asked looking up at his face.

“Please tell me,” Bokuto began, staring blankly ahead, “that we don’t have a biology test today.”

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

“This is all your fault,” you grumbled angrily as you leaned back in your chair.

“I’m so sorry, y/n,” Bokuto pouted, “please forgive me! I’ll buy you extra ice cream today!”

“You better be grateful you don’t have practice today. Coach would have benched you from the next game if you had to miss practice for detention.”

You knew you had succeeded in making Bokuto feel guilty. Despite being annoyed with him, you couldn’t help but feel a little bad for being so harsh. Then again, if Bokuto hadn’t been so obvious about looking off of your biology test, neither of you would be in this position.

The sound of the metal desk moving across the floor made you look up in Bokuto’s direction. Your eyes immediately widened. The owl-haired spiker had suddenly moved his desk right next to yours, pleading eyes centimeters away from yours. You quickly averted your graze, not able to contain the color seeping into your cheeks.

“B-Bo, what are you doing,” you blushed.

Bokuto, obviously unaware of the effect he had on you, stuck his bottom lip out as he placed his hand on yours, “Please forgive me, y/n. I hate it when you’re upset with me.”

“It’s fine, Kotaro,” you mumbled, still unable to look him in the eyes. You could feel the rough calluses of his hands on yours as he squeezed your hand in response.

“I’m such a bad friend. You deserve better, y/n,” Bokuto exclaimed. You sighed, finally looking up at him. You couldn’t help but inwardly giggle at how adorable he looked, even is his emo moods.

“You’re the best friend anyone could have asked for, Bo.” you smiled at him, “if you really want to make up for today, you could tell me what you got me for my birthday!”

“No way! Wait till tomorrow! Birthday presents are meant to be a surprise,” Bokuto exclaimed, slowly returning back to his cheery-self.

“It was worth a shot,” you muttered, leaning to put your head down on your desk.

That day, Bokuto bought you extra ice cream as he said he would. The longer the two of you spent together, the more anxious you got. It was only a couple hours until you would receive the mark that would connect you to your soulmate. A couple hours until your fate was sealed and Bokuto was confirmed to never be yours.

You couldn’t help but stare at his mark as he licked his ice cream. The wing spiker noticed your gaze.

“Are you excited to get your soulmate mark?” Bokuto asked excitedly. You shrugged in response.

“I don’t know,” you answered honestly, “it’s scary.”

“I know how you feel,” Bokuto nodded in agreement, “but no matter what, even if we never find our soulmates, we’ll have each other!”

Little did he know that you wanted nothing more than to find your soulmate. You wanted nothing more than to end your unrequited feelings for the man sitting across from you. You knew you were fated to be with someone else, just as Bokuto was fated to fall in love with someone who wasn’t you.

Funny how fate works.

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

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captainkirbypunch · 4 years

Text

My love has left tumblr once again.

As many of you may know, the account under the name MDZADR, has left tumblr. They felt unsafe in their fandom, and as such have deleted their tumblr and AO3 account due to the bad memories linked to them.

As a part of their departure, they have asked me to post something in their name, as follows.

If you want more details about how I came to this realization, continue to read. If not, here is your summary:

TL;DR: For the safety and health of this fandom, I wanted to spread the word that Mooping-10 is filled with people who absolutely cannot be trusted, creating a very hazardous environment for the zadr community, and MelodyoftheVoid is connected to all of those people, living a double life amongst those of us that don’t “ship zadr correctly.” She has plenty of friends her inner circle knows nothing about, and nobody on either side knows who she really is.

Full story below.

I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. Nobody did anything to me today, but this just wasn’t worth it.

My AO3 and tumblr are both gone. I didn’t say goodbye because I didn’t want to look like an attention seeker.

Here’s the thing. I wasn’t going to name drop, but you guys need to know the truth. I’m instructing my boyfriend (hi y’all) to turn asks off for his own safety after this because this is going to be a nightmare, but... allow me to tell you the full story. I’ll try to break up the text so it’s less difficult to read, but this is important. I’m sorry to air discourse so publicly, but please... I need you to listen to me.

I’ll start from the beginning, without being vague anymore about who “she” is. I request that you please read the whole thing and not skip parts of it. The whole story matters.

I finally returned to the fandom about two months or so ago. As I’ve mentioned, I don’t do well in my thoughts while left alone too long, so I posted saying I would stop messaging people I knew because I didn’t want to bother them. There were only two people I was talking to at the time, but one of them is famous so I didn’t want to message her directly saying that. Doing so would have put her in a position of feeling obligated to say “you’re not bothering me” rather than just simply being able to sigh with relief from no longer being contacted.

But the first person to contact me was the famous person, and she asked if I was okay, and told me she liked talking to me.

God, I actually cried.

But, that’s just her. Melodyofthevoid is the type of person to talk to people in the fandom, totally unaware of her demigod status. She comments on stories, interacts on posts, messages first... a pillar of kindness, so it seemed.

But let the story continue.

Over time, we were talking more often.

Mostly sending memes (cause everyone I knew, myself included, aren’t exactly great at holding conversations. No shade. Memes are a love language). I was still in the hero worship stage of our relationship, so my view of her was that that was perfect.

Now, let me bridge a connection with a new story idea I got around December 28th or so, and my thinking she was perfect.

I had recently finished watching Madoka and questioned “If I had magical powers, what would they be?” It then turned into its own story idea, basing creators’ powers around the strengths and weaknesses in creations. I actually realized “oh fuck. My stuff is incoherent. My friends’ works aren’t too different...”

Thus spawned the name “Incoherent” for the project.

What does that have to do with this? Well, here’s the thing that really fucked everything up quickly.

This was not on purpose, because originally the project (which I had told nobody of yet at the time) was all about improving your works, making platonic friends, dressing our personas in cute outfits, and writing fun magic.

While listening to music and thinking of the story one day, my brain accidentally shipped my persona with hers, and I couldn’t unsee it. And I’m lousy at keeping my own secrets (other’s are different) so she found out on probably day one or two about my weird crush because of an ask meme of all things.

She didn’t try to put me off any, which was another problem for future things to come, and so I decided that since Incoherent was finally making me feel alive again and feeling the euphoric feelings of love wouldn’t hurt anything (I figured they’d mellow out on their own eventually because that’s how infatuation works) since they helped fuel my inspiration, and then we would just continue from friends to better friends one day and this part of our lives would be over.

Besides, the forbidden is attractive somehow, and makes stories more entertaining. She’s aro/ace, so I had no chance anyway. Someone safe to crush on, in her own way.

This isn’t a story of a love betrayal however. There was no such thing. But it’s important to the story because Incoherent is where my mistakes were made, and hers brought to light.

By this time, I had a handful of people I was talking to, and I created a discord server for the project. Only my boyfriend (hi!) and I were in it at the time. I was not-so-subtly asking my friends what they’d look like if they were a magical person, what their names would be... I thought I would have had to lure Melody in to make her want to join us, but I managed to get her in very easily. Everyone was happy and excited! It was a no obligation, no time limit thing for us to enjoy, a little sandbox to play around in.

Sure there were plans to make it bigger and I was working on art to the best of my ability, but it was gonna be a fun thing mostly. No pressure on anyone.

And how things started becoming a problem was that the rest of us posted publicly about the project and interacted with each other’s posts relating to the story, but she had started to interact publicly less and less with our things, and everyone noticed it.

It wasn’t because we were greedy and wanted the popular girl to reblog our things. It’s because we had a feeling she was ashamed of being seen publicly with us. The reason we were worried before then and started making that connection was because I mentioned I was going to ask another user if they were interested in joining Incoherent. Melody was the only one that seemed uncomfortable, and I messaged her asking about it. We agreed I wouldn’t invite that person but I knew things were off about it.

That person is like me. How long until Melody didn’t want to talk to me anymore? A few days ago, the other shoe finally dropped. A member of our little group and I were talking and (let’s call them Friend for simplicity. They asked to not be name dropped here) Friend was worried they had made Melody upset by tagging her in a meme picture they drew of her persona, and the two had agreed that Friend remove the tag. This spawned an anxiety-filled conversation where Friend and I expressed our concerns about Melody not interacting with the project, or us.

So since I wanted reassurance that that wasn’t the case, I messaged Melody with my concerns. I told her I had the feeling she was ashamed of being seen in public with us because of her friends, and she didn’t refute me. She simply told me to go get some rest. I messaged back with “I’m right.”

I deleted Discord off my phone for hours and nearly deleted my Tumblr, AO3, and the server after my boyfriend helped pass messages between us. Melody confessed that was the case because her friends expressed discomfort with my works, and she was playing both sides.

Her words, not mine.

Melody told me she would be withdrawing from the Incoherent project because it wasn’t fair to us if her heart wasn’t in it.

She didn’t stand up on my behalf when they said things about me. Her friends are the type who talk behind creators’ backs for shipping zadr “incorrectly.” Worse than antis because they actually participate in the “pro-shipping” side of the fandom. I broke that day and messaged her at 3 am.

We finally spoke at 3pm. We both missed each other. I tried to understand more. I wanted it to be more like a conversation rather than an interrogation. It was only one-sided however, and she never opened up further. And I made some mistakes and poor choices of words, and we ended up parting ways permanently right there.

I nearly deleted everything, but much like a coma patient attached to many machines on a hospital bed, my blog was kept alive a little longer by people sending kind words in droves. I was briefly fuelled by spite, wishing to watch the world burn by making everyone on the "correct" side of the fandom upset by posting the worst, most vile content this fandom has ever seen.

I was also welcomed with open arms by a very kind server with fellow degenerates, all of them screaming and crying and partying when they managed to get me in their server. It was so heartwarming...

But as I spoke to others about my situation, I realized something. A disturbing pattern.

People telling me horror stories about how Mooping-10 was cult-like. How the people running it were antis. I was even told once that they have a secondary server where they go to have their talks and do their work, likely the place where the real bashing is held.

The server itself has rules against such behavior, but I suppose it's different when they do it.

One person (and this is the most unnerving part for me, personally) told me Melody actually set off alarm bells in their head without having even done anything yet, and the most disturbing part of the story was that one of the moderators was afraid and upset because they got Covid, and received basically no moral support at all. Only getting told "spoiler that. Sorry you got Covid".

I was horrified. That server has 100 people in it. How many of them are the same? They act like popular kids in school who picked up an unpopular main character and then bash others, and the main character joined in because they don't want to be left behind by their new "friends".

To put it short, back to my point:

TL;DR: I simply only wanted to spread the word that: Mooping-10 is filled with people who absolutely cannot be trusted, creating a very hazardous environment for the zadr community, and Melodyofthevoid is connected to all of those people, living a double life amongst those of us that don't "ship zadr correctly". She has plenty of friends her inner circle knows nothing about, and nobody on either side knows who she really is.

#Invader Zim #zadr #tagr #rapr #zagr #mdzadr #MelodyoftheVoid

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