#tumblr helped me see there's another way - taking things slow it's ok

[just-miru]

asdkdkskskks-

kinda funny how thanks to this hellsite (affectionate) i am finally starting to make some changes in my life

[rileys-battlecats]

I really like your work! I discovered it a while ago but recently found it again and explored your tumblr finally. I'm not sure if me deciding to spend a couple hours going through your entire posting history over curiosity about Mica clan is a compliment to you or says something about me but I did it.

It was really neat seeing your Shut Eye video. Also, just to satisfy my own curiosity: it looks like of the thirteen you have Heroncall, Oriolewing, Addereye, Larksong/star, Foxjaw, Owlpounce, Buckfoot, Snaptail and her two kits, another queen and her kit, and a random cat. Are you willing to share any information about the other queen and the random cat. But it was nice to see a bit about where the clan came from, and if your ever decide to make a video about the clan's founding know I will eagerly await it.

Also, thanks so much for the family tree. Part of the reason I went through your entire tumblr was because I was curious about the details behind the clan so it's nice to have that, if a tad too late for me to save a couple hours. Also, is Heroncall mates with Buckfoot? And it looks like Robinsong may have mated with the kit in the Shut Eye video that belongs to the other queen, am I right? Also, it's really neat to sea Owlpounce and Foxjaw being siblings. It makes sense with how fluffy they are, and Embertooth is too. Also, it's really funny comparing Owlpounce and Foxjaw with their social skills and steady personality to Embertooth, who is somewhat prickly. I can also see Puddlepaw being related to the three, maybe as a cousin to Embertooth? They're very fluffy and I can see their personality as less social but just as steady as Owlpounce and Foxjaw. Is Orchidstar related to Owlpounce? When I saw her she reminded me of Owlpounce and she's also fairly fluffy.

Side not: With how depleted the clan first was after the disaster, and with how they picked up Birchspeckle just for her abilities, was there a time where the clan was friendly to outsiders just afterwards? Before the illness and attacks I can see them almost needing the extra cats. It would make it horribly ironic how they isolate Mudpaw for all that several of them would also be only half-clan, and explain all the question marks you have in the family tree. They're cats that were encountered and helped create kittens but weren't necessarily interested in joining.

Sorry for the length of this by the way.

ok first of all I love super long asks so no need to apologize HAHA

The unnamed background cats haven't really been thought through at this point, but the random cat (not the queen or kit) is Addereye's apprentice at the time of the disaster! Not sure what happens to him, but it can be assumed he lives with the clan and probably dies before the events of Mudpaw's story.

Good eye spotting Buckfoot on the family tree! I had the idea in the back of my mind of them being one of Mudpaw's ancestors ever since I designed them. I've said before on here but Micaclan doesn't really endorse the whole "healers can't have families" rule, and they especially didn't care for it after the disaster, when their numbers were so low. Plus, I like the idea of Mudpaw reminding Owlpounce of her old mentor :') I also like the idea of Puddlepaw and Orchidstar being related to Owl, Fox, and Ember! having all the fluffy cats related to each other is so funny to me ^^

Directly after the disaster, I imagine the clan sort of relied upon the help of strangers in order to survive. Maybe they even took some into the clan at first, like Birchspeckle. But I think the thing that really started their sort of isolationist-tendencies was the slow loss of their culture. I think it's entirely probable that, in taking outsiders into their group, they began losing some of the traditions and beliefs that made them Micaclan. If the outsiders they allowed to join didn't care for the idea of Starclan, or for the idea of caring for the weakest among them before themselves, or for following the warrior code... would they even be Micaclan anymore? After losing their home, their families, their ancestral territory, their very connection to Starclan... would they, the last survivors of Micaclan, maybe even the last survivors of any clan, be the ones to allow their traditions and way of life to be lost forever?

It's this fear, I think, that caused Micaclan to veer so sharply into isolation. Larkstar has many flaws, and even if it stemmed from a desire to see her and her clan's way of life preserved, she still encouraged an unhealthy distrust of outsiders in the clan. By doing what she thought best at the time, doing what she thought would keep them and their way of life safe, she ended up creating a culture of isolationism, and this very isolationism harms the clan and its members. Birchspeckle was made to feel unwanted by the clan that raised her, Possum was fully disowned for wanting to leave the clan and explore, and Mudpaw was treated badly because of the clan's subconscious dislike for anyone they consider to be other. The changes the clan underwent did preserve most of their culture, it's true, but it also meant that they lost one of the core ideals that Micaclan was built on; Micaclan was formed by non-clan cats who decided they wanted to come together and embody a code of ethics that they found admirable. Micaclan was never formed on the basis of blood!

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Be Panda, Do Soft-Style

You know this guy?

I love this guy. Eh catches cannon balls and doesn't afraid of anything (it's an older meme, sir, but it checks out), except PTSD and low self-esteem. That's my Panda.

OK. So let's talk about negative emotions, pain, and crippling anxiety.

No! Ha-ha, well, okay, maybe a little.

Some of us like movies and TV because their sameness is comforting, they teach us valuable lessons, and they don't judge us if we have to go back and watch something again because we didn't understand - or just 'cos we like seeing it again, and we're having a parasocial relationship with everyone in it. And some of us need movies and TV for those same reasons. Maybe a little more, maybe a little less, but real-life people aren't going to be patient enough to help us learn the hard stuff, and we know that, so we stick with movies and TV. Society tends to label people like that, people like me, as autistic. Not always, but it's getting better at catching and labelling the behaviour.

So when I need help with a big concept, something super hard, I go running to movies, TV, and stories or metaphors of all kinds. That's the easiest way for me to learn and understand, but most of us like learning that way. At least a little.

So, let's talk about my Panda pal's kung fu.

Po fights dragon style, which is a soft style. Soft styles are more about seeing where the energy is coming from and redirecting it. Tigress, who is hard-style to her core, will punch a brick wall until she busts right through it. Po will just go, "Hey, there's a door! You guys? Door over here!" walk through, and maybe poke his head back out and ask, "You need anything while I'm in here? Okay. Cool." Soft style requires you to slow down enough, and be smart and patient enough, to find that door.

All kung fu is valid!

(I love you, Tigress! You can punch me anytime!)

But not all kung fu is appropriate for every situation. You punch through a cannonball, it explodes, and you get very badly injured or die.

I see a lot of stuff on Tumblr about people trying to punch through their pain, anxiety, and negative feelings. I don't like you, anxiety. I don't like you, depression. I don't need you. You're not real. You're a little bitch. I will defeat you. I will get better and better at defeating you, and you will go away FOREVER! DIEEEE!

It's my first instinct too! I don't want these things, they are hurting me, I want them to go away. If I were strong, I could just break through. Normal people break through these things like they're nothing (*bing!* I've just added another layer of wall, "I'm broken, I'm weak," to what I've already been failing to punch through). If I just keep pushing (adding more layers to the wall every time my punch fails to defeat it) I will get stronger, and better, and I will feel nothing!

"Is that what you want?" Oogway might say to Shifu, his student who insists on learning (and teaching) everything the hard way. "To feel nothing? That sounds rather sad to me."

"No! I want to get rid of these bad feelings so I can make good ones! I want to feel happy, and loved, and secure! I want self-confidence!"

"My poor friend is still holding a peach," the turtle might say, "and trying to force it to become an apple. And then, when he has done the impossible, he thinks he may deserve self-confidence."

"I can throw this peach at the wall, and destroy it, and go find an apple!"

The turtle laughs. "Then you will have made quite a mess! And when you return with your apple, you may find the peach pit you have abandoned has grown into another tree, with many more peaches for you to throw. But perhaps there is a better way." And he would pick a peach, and eat it, like turtles do, slowly, but without mercy, until it's all gone, even the pit, and walk away. "It was not bad, a little bitter. I think next, I will eat a dumpling."

My boi can catch a cannonball because he doesn't go after it hard-style. He takes it head-on, holds it in his furry little arms, and redirects it. He's not super great at getting it where he wants it to go, not at first, and it does set him on fire, but he's still alive!

"You know, this doesn't feel great, but dealing with your trauma and post-traumatic stress is a process! My fist hungers... for self-care! Ow!"

He does, eventually, get better at it (quickly, because we only have about 90 minutes to tell this story) and not every hit lands, but when one does, he holds it for a second, aims, and lets go. He does not punch, he does not try to stop that sucker cold, he holds it, deals with it, and lets it go. And once he figures out what he's doing, it doesn't hurt so bad anymore. He has fun. Po's not the Fun Police, if he's having fun, he accepts that too. Yep, okay, this could kill me, but it looks so cool! Let's have fun while it lasts! Ladies, gentlemen and others, I present: soft style.

Even if your brain behaves itself perfectly, in your life, you are gonna hit walls. Some of 'em won't slow you down. But when one does, the first thing you gotta do is acknowledge the fact that there is a WALL here. I know you don't want the wall, but there it is. It doesn't matter whether it belongs there, you don't have to justify it. Insulting it and interrogating it won't make it not be there. That irritating AOL voice yelling "You've got wall!" will not go away until you acknowledge receipt of your wall. Okay. I've got wall. I don't have to like it, but here it is. It is here.

(This is what they mean when they say "your emotions are valid," they're just insecure and trying to sound professional.)

Now what?

(OK, but assuming we don't have a flame-proof cartoon butt and a destiny.)

First: Don't punch the wall. Ah-ah-ah! Back up! How hard could it be to not do something? you think. This'll be easy! It's incredibly hard to comply with a negative. Don't read this. Yeah. Now don't think of a solid white zebra. ... ... ... Yeah. Ka-POW! Ouch! Why does that hurt? I'd better punch it again and figure it out!

Stop. Redirect. Since we're using a wall metaphor here, you gotta go sideways. (Indeed, given enough time, all things shall become crab.) If there were a door right in front of your face, you'd see it. Forwards is not an option right now. Be a good little crustacean and pick a new direction. This is also how one extricates one's self from a riptide - people die because it's counterintuitive. You want to be back on the beach, why would you swim towards more ocean? Attacking the obstacle at its strongest point will not get you where you wanna go any faster than looking for a way around. In fact, sometimes, it won't get you there at all.

Are you still, intermittently, thinking of a solid white zebra? Like, what would that even look like? How would I know it's not just a white horse? Well, if you weren't before you are now. OK. So every time that zebra comes back, think of a solid white peacock with a tragic backstory.

(I know he's not solid white, I'm just being silly. Forgive me.)

If you take a step towards the sexy (but still extremely evil and genocidal) peacock, you are moving sideways. If you keep it up, you'll get a little distance, a little perspective, and when you have enough room to stop banging your head like a stubborn moth, maybe you'll be able to see a door in the wall... Or some convenient fireworks, who knows? Maybe you do have a destiny. Then, you'll be able to go through.

...Though it may be a squeeze, and you might not end up exactly where you thought you wanted to go.

(Oh, no, stairs!)

Or maybe you'll end up someplace even better and more surprising.

"You just wanted to see the tournament? Well, now you're the Dragon Warrior. Have fun with that."

But, again, this is a skill that takes practice. Every time you manage to stop or head sideways instead of banging into the wall is a victory. Eventually, you will get better at it.

I mean, you know, I've heard.

(This is me. I wanna be Po, but it's just my nature to fight hard and make everything harder. Maybe one of these days I'll accept that, and stop fighting my nature and making it harder, but I wouldn't bet on it.)

Doctors and mental health professionals will tell you, most pain is anxiety. Part of that is the simple physical fact that when you tense up and struggle, it hurts more. Some things can be fought hard style, and some things can't. Slow down, take your time, feel the flow - and then you can decide whether to go with it, go against it, or go around.

For example, I was having serious anxiety because, right when I got up, a lot of things were going wrong, and needed attention, and I couldn't fix them all, or even one. So I let someone I trust give me a little help, and I wrote a little mental health article with my friend, the Panda. Maybe I'll find a way to go forward in a little while, or maybe not yet, but I already feel a little better.

(Even this guy smiles once in a blue moon.)

Thanks to the Kung Fu Panda Wiki for hosting most of the images I needed. And if you "like" this content, reblog it 'cos I'm trying to get known around here. That goes for just about everyone else, too.

[thevalleyoftriumph]

Since I reblogged it from you, here’s what I’m curious abt for your OC’s!!

MY ENTIRE EXPLANATION FOR 11 JUST GOT DESTROYED IM GOING TO KILL TUMBLR. anyways since last ask had an 11 im choosing a different ocverse for this one

11]

hi. um. roblox ocs :3 their lore takes forever to explain so im just gonna explain the characters instead of the plot.

basically theres 3 of them ok.

cody, a noob who loves playing fighting games and helping people get their footing in them. very silly, very kind, and has a bestie thats a guest named horns [horns is my friends oc :3]. cody ALSO has a bit of a slow moving "curse" that is the result of their arm being Fucking Cut Off. its a corruption in their code that is slowly spreading across their body, which will end up with their entire set of code and body being Basically unraveled from the inside out in a way thats Worse than death ! :D they spend most of their time trying to figure out a way to undo that while still being the same happy person. they see blade [other oc] as a brother figure once the two meet!

blade is a bounty hunter of sorts, who goes after exploiters to make the world safer for people, thanks to his own experiences as a kid with exploiters. he is VERY good at his job, having been training since he was a younger teen, and has been doing his job for anywhere from 15-20 years [havent decided.] his current target is inkcap, his childhood friend and previous crush. its a whole thing. also, hes the one who saved cody from being COMPLETELY killed during their exploiter encounter!

inkcap is . well. the exploiter mentioned previously. instead of their encounter with exploiters driving it to better itself and help others, its trauma [and also blade leaving it when they were both 15 to go on his first mission, and then just. never coming back] had led it to lean into its trauma, and learn the same exploits that hurt it, and more. it decides that if it couldnt be happy anymore, if it lost everything and everyone it loved, then no one else should be able to have these things - because no one tried helping it when it needed it. its the one who attacked cody, and the one blade is currently hunting down - but inkcap is sneaky, and good at its own "job," being the most infamous exploiter - and for good reason.

the whole story with these three is the different ways people deal with trauma, mostly the.. unhealthy ways, and their very, VERY slow path to healing and getting better. it has a happy ending! it just takes a long time to get there. they all have a Lot of stuff to work through.

12] pick a fav

OK THATS THE THING I GENUINELY CANT.

theyre all equally loved as a whole because i adore them, but in terms of different catagories, THEN theres favs, so just. choose whichever one you think is most valid.

for drawing, i LOVE cody. theyre so simple and cute to draw i have little doodles of them in Every notebook and sketchbook. i like drawing them with my friends oc. :3

for actual design, i LOOOVE inkcap. inkcap is my beloved their design is sooo <333 pretty

for LORE.... i love blade the most SORRYYY his whole deal makes me sick in the head

19] describe the sillies you think about that dont go in the story

I HAVE OTHER ROBLOX OCS FOR UMM. A THEORETICAL GAME. theyre not related to those threes^ story at all so they count for this question lol

theyre another noob/guest duo, agon and unnamed/default [both are interchangeable]. since i do one day wanna make their game a reality i wont go Too into detail but they live in a mountain town and are besties who have Something going on and theyre super sweet to each other and are bestest friends Ever ever but then default goes MISSING one day and NEVER COMES BACK and agon has to DEAL with it and gets all SAD and um. yeah :]

20] how have they horribly mangled your message/theme

they would either villainise inkcap to hell into an irredeemable villain, OR turn blade into a budget cop. i hate it so bad but thats just what would happen.

THAT or theyd completely IGNORE the message of the story being about healing from trauma and how some coping mechanisms are unhealthy and turn it into like. a classic "everyone just gets over it" thing and turn the whole trilogy into a shitty action film and ignore the characters trauma and their paths towards healing and it would be so bad and oh god oh god . puts my head in my hands.

theyd also probably turn inkcap into a girl and cody into a boy so like. not a story mishap but a general fuckup theyd do because of how inkcap is an it/they w a romance plot w blade [and also their character model has the "girl torso" from the blocky character pack on roblox] and cody is a they/them with a masc name.

[the-100th-witch]

Bloop just me rambling about my life

im driving 2 hrs away tomorrow for a bridal event (super excited for that aaaa) and then driving an hour to have coffee with friends on sunday (where we are all together minus one since she's going to school in a different state) then going to my grandma's as I drive back after. So a very busy weekend! But it's gonna be great!

so im just chilling today and doing some light tasks. I'm gonna have to go to bed super early tonight bc i gotta get up tomorrow and shower/put on my makeup and be out of the house at the latest 9am (but im hoping maybe 8am since traffic can be nuts)

im hoping my car doesnt fuck me over during the trip lol driving an hour is one thing but for some reason 2 hours is scary haha it's been going ok for the last few months (aside from the bumper half falling off)

bloop life rambling under readmore bloop

none of the bridal group is on tumblr (i think?) and they dont know me really but just in case haha under read more!

i was told that it's just gonna be me and one other person of the bridemaids attending. I'm glad im able to go (especially since in the past my jobs ran Tue-Sat with Saturdays being my busiest days) bc man that sucks! I don't know the other bridemaids super well and I understand life happens but idk just kinda sucks that you can't go to an event with the bride that already paid for your spot. But that's just me. I guess some of them knew right off the bat they couldnt go and then some others told her last minute. Again, i get that life happens but damn...

I guess that means I get to hog the bride's attention (along with the other bridesmaid who is super nice) loool~ I'll make it fun for her and we're gonna have a blast! The bride and I have been friends for 10 years! I'm kinda glad I didn't take on a new job just yet when I was laid off.

I had to move my test date again bc my mom needed my help with something on that day that she couldn't reschedule (nothing serious but it's important and hey, i dont mind kinda putting off that math test LMAO) so I rescheduled for November (after my friend's wedding). I'm getting mostly 40/50 on the practice tests (like 38/50 and 44/50 but I'm hitting my goal of at least 37/50 which is what I need to pass the damn thing) so I'm golden.

I think right after I pass and start getting all my ducks in a row I'll begin job searching (obviously) but also planning my next move (either I move out in the middle of 2024 and if that's still in cali or in another state and then i got to see get a different car etc etc). I kinda labeled this year as a recovery year lol like 2020-2022 were pandemic years for me and 2023 was just straight up "Recovery from the pandemic years". It was nice to finally slow down and take my time to refocus my goals and plans.

I really do think, though, that I want to move out of this area (and the state entirely) since it's been touch and go. I dunno what it is with Cali and I know moving to another state isnt a magical fix-it-all but I've out grown it here (plus the outrageous prices holy shit) I'd miss all my friends but I guess that's what video chatting is for lol and it gives my friends a reason to visit another state haha!

Labeling 2023 as a Recovery year kinda helps my "guilt" also. Like it was outta my control I was laid off (esp since everyone and their mom has been laid off this year) but ive been working since i was 18 and going to school so to have all that and then go to nothing at age 30 it was kinda of a shock. Of course...no one planned on a global pandemic either lol life's funny that way.

Either way I'm not out of the woods quite yet but im also not in a totally bad spot. But man i cant wait to pass this test and start sub teaching just to do something lol

[saltyhyunjae]

THE STEALER CHAPTER ONE: PULL THE TRIGGER

genre/warnings: angst, fluff, slow burn, enemies to lovers (?), kidnapping, criminal!tbz, mentions of guns & knives, quick mention of suicide

word count: 2,5k

summary: As y/n is leaved to close the store on her own, the last thing that she expects, happens to her

pairing: tbz x fem reader

“Y/n! You’re closing the store tonight, I have an emergency at home and I need to get going.” You hear your boss, Jiyoo yell from the back of the store as you put some new clothing items up on the racks. You sigh. “Okay!” You yell back at her and look at the time. 8:30PM. The store closes at 9 so you won’t be alone for a long time.

“The store is super quiet right now so I'm sure you can handle the last 30 minutes on your own.” Jiyoo smiles as she walks towards the entrance of the store. ‘I hope so.” You smile back.

She tells you to put the money in the safe and clean the store a bit and then quickly leaves the store, leaving you alone with 2 customers and the loud music of the speakers playing Bad Guy by Billie Eilish.

After the last customers leave, you look at the time again, 9:58. You make your way to the entrance to close the door and turn off the lights so nobody starts knocking, begging you to let them in, then you tidy some stuff up as you make your way back to the counter. As you reach the counter the radio switches to the news.

“The infamous criminal group ‘The Boyz’ have gotten away with yet another robbery just yesterday making it their 12th theft of the month. The police still have not been able to catch them due to the group's large number of members.”

You sigh. Instead of partying with your friends on this friday night you have been put in charge to close the store. “I don’t get paid enough for this.’ you murmur as you grab the money they earned today and start counting them. The sound of something falling shakes you out of your thoughts.

“What the- oh it’s just the broom that fell.” Just as you are about to go back to counting you hear a faint thud in the storage room. “Ok, I'm getting really scared now.” You whisper to yourself.

You decide to shake it off and go back to counting when you suddenly feel cold metal against the back of your head.

Oh fuck.

“Put the money down,''

You hear a male voice say. You do what he says as you start praying internally. You then feel a sharp object pressed against your lower back.

“Listen up, as long you’re doing as we say, you’re not gonna get hurt.”

‘That’s what they always say.’ You think but would never dare to say out loud. You’re on the verge of tears thinking this is your last day when you hear another thud.

“OW!” You hear another voice yell.

“Dumbass.” You hear another voice say.

‘How many of these motherfuckers are there.’ You think

“Grab some stuff over there.” You hear the one holding a gun against your head say as you see another figure grabbing the money you just dropped on the counter.

“I can’t see shit in here.” One of the voices further away from you says.

“Turn the lights on hyung!” The other one says.

You flinch as the lights turn on. Not daring to look at thieves. No Y/n u need to remember their faces just in case they actually don’t kill you. As you look up you make eye contact with the one that took the money. Your eyes widen at how handsome he is. “Bring us to the safe.” The one holding the knife against your lower back says. You slowly turn around making eye contact with the one holding the gun.

Shit, he’s handsome too.

You slowly start walking to the storage room.

“Changmin! Eric! We’ll be right back, grab everything you can!” Gun guy says.

When you arrive at the storage room, you walk to the safe and kneel in front of it, the three guys still behind. As you type in the code you hear a walkie talkie go off followed by another voice.

“What is taking so long.”

“Shut up, we just got to the safe. Anybody nearby?” The one without a weapon, as far as you know then, asks.

“No, it’s dead, everyone is going out a few blocks away.”

“Give us 10 minutes.”

“Fine.”

You take the money out and hand it to knife guy, who puts it in a bag.

“Please don’t kill me.” You plead.

“We won’t.” Gun guy says.

“Hyunjae, come with me. Juyeon, keep an eye on her.” Gun guy commands as he walks away with Hyunjae.

You took the opportunity to look at knife guy, Juyeon.

Fuck, he’s beautiful too.

You guys just stay there in silence till the two guys come back into the storage room. But this time they came back with the two other guys.

“Plan changed, we’re taking you with us.” Hyunjae says. Your eyes widen and you try to get up and escape. Just as you get up, Juyeon grabs your left arm, pulls you back and holds the knife against your neck.

“Do as we say and you will not get hurt.” Gun guy says. Your hands get tied behind your back and you decide to give in and follow the guys outside.

“Took you long enough.” You see three other guys waiting outside. One shows a bored expression, the other is very tall and the last is...very cute? They’re all handsome too. You mentally cry.

“Who’s that?” The ‘cute’ one says with a softer voice. “Our new friend.” Hyunjae smirks. You internally scoff as they walk you to the bus. When they open the bus you see three more guys.

How many of them can there be?!

“Hi, ooohh who’s that.” One of them behind a huge computer screen says.

“They brought a souvenir.” The tall guy that was waiting outside laughs.

They put you in the car and start driving. Tears are threatening to leave your eyes as you think about your friends and family. What if you get killed? Or they never let you go? or even worse… you get Stockholm syndrome?!?!

“What’s your name?” The ‘cute’ one with a soft voice asks you. You still look down refusing to talk.

“Cat caught your tongue.” Hyunjae scoffs.

“I’m jacob.” The one with a soft voice says, you look up to see him give you a soft smile.

“Y/n.” You murmur and the boys start introducing themselves to you. You nod at them and for the rest of the car ride you stay quiet.

After maybe 45 minutes the car stops and they open the door and help you get out. You look up to see a huge villa remote from the city. You guys make your way to the villa and once you're inside they guide you to the couch. They all sit across from you while Sangyeon stands.

“Y/n, do you happen to know who we are?” He asks

You slowly shake your head looking at the 11 boys. Wait. 11 boys? NO WAY! You suddenly remember the new reports for the last two months. You've been kidnapped by…

The Boyz.

You hear the boys laugh at your shocked expression.

“Listen up.” Sangyeon speaks up “It wasn’t in our plan to keep you hostage, but now that you’re here we’ve got to make the best of it haha. As you can see our house is very messy and we’re desperately in need of a cleaner. So we’ll point out your room for you to get some rest, you start tomorrow. Any questions.”

“I don't have any clothes to wear besides these.”

“Well thank God we robbed a clothing store.” Kevin laughs.

“We’ll make sure to buy all the necessities you need.”Sangyeon assures you. He tells you what time they’ll come and wake you up and commands Jacob and Kevin to bring you to your room while Changmin grabs some bed sheets and pillows.

As they open the door to your new room, you see that it’s huge and empty with only curtains and an empty bed in the middle of it.

“You can decorate as time goes by.” Kevin tells you and you nod. Changmin comes in with the pillows and bed sheet and the 3 boys help u set up the bed.

Once your bed is all made up, Younghoon comes in with two pairs of pajamas and some normal clothes for you to wear. All hail one size fits all clothes. Once you put on your pajamas, you lie in bed and think about everything that has just happened until you fall asleep.

—————————————————

The sun shining through your curtains wakes you up. You groan in annoyance, put a pillow over your head and close your eyes again. Right as you begin to doze off again, your door opens. “It’s time to get up.” You hear someone say. You turn around to see Chanhee standing at your door. “Be downstairs in 30 minutes” He says, closing the door again. As you get up, you get a moment of realization.

You’ve been kidnapped…… YOU’VE BEEN KIDNAPPED! YOU NEED GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

But how.

While you get dressed you think of all the ways you could escape. Jump out of the window? Suicide. Grab a knife and kill them? You would already have been killed before you stabbed one of them. Sneak out of the house while they’re sleeping? PERFECT. But you needed to stay a bit to figure out the plan in detail. You need to know your way out and their sleeping schedule, you also need to gain their trust. You needed to be super nice to them for them to trust you.

You take a deep breath and step out of your room. When you arrive downstairs you see that all of the boys are awake. “Good Morning!” Haknyeon jumps up from the couch. “Good morning.” You respond back.

“Ah, you’re awake.” Sangyeon walks into the living room. “Sit down, I'll explain what you need to do.” He starts talking about you making their meals and doing their laundry followed by cleaning the whole house. You mentally sigh. This isn’t going to be easy.

Kevin introduces you to the kitchen and offers to help with making breakfast.

“Haknyeon, stop it!” Kevin grabs the spoon that Haknyeon is about to dip in the soup.

For the third time.

“I’m just tasting it for you guys.”

“You’ve tasted enough, get out!” Haknyeon pouts as he walks out of the kitchen, making you giggle.

“So, Kevin, how many times a week do you guys go out to steal?” “Hmm, maybe five to six times a week. Why?” He looks up at you. “Oh just wondering.” You lie. “Must be tiring.”

You continue to make the soup while wondering if it was possible to escape while they’re out stealing. You decide to ask Kevin for more information and he tells you that it usually takes 30 minutes to an hour for them to finish a small mission and that bigger missions sometimes take up to three hours.

He also tells you that he, Haknyeon and sunwoo are in charge of hacking, Younghoon, Jacob and Chanhee are always on the watch and Sangyeon, Hyunjae, Juyeon, Eric, and Changmin are the ones in action.

—————————————————

“Wow this is good!” Eric says, stuffing his mouth with the soup you and Kevin made.

I should’ve put poison in it, you think to yourself.

“So Y/n, tonight we have another mission and since we can’t trust you alone in this house we have to take you with us from now on.” Sangyeon speaks up.

Fuck.

“Sure” You simply say. “So what’s tonight’s mission about, hyung?” Changmin asks. “Tonight we’re robbing the new shoe store in town.”

And they all go crazy

“Finally! I needed new Jordan's.” Eric jumps up from his seat. “We should rob a Balenciaga store next.” Sunwoo sighs. After the boys finally calm down and finish their breakfast, you go wash the dishes while they prepare for tonight’s robbery.

Finally the time has broken for tonight’s mission. While in the car, Sangyeon instructs you to stay in the car with the hackers while the rest of them go to their usual position. When it’s time for the rest to leave the car, you lean back and sigh.

You have no phone, no nothing, all you can do is pray you get out of this situation soon.

“I see you’re enjoying yourself.” Sunwoo chuckles. “Leave her alone Sunwoo. Why don’t you come and look at how we work?” Kevin motions for you to sit next to him.

You sit in between him and Haknyeon and look up at the huge screen. Kevin clicks on a couple of things and all of a sudden a bunch of security camera screens pop up. In one of them you see Jacob, Younghoon and Chanhee on the lookout while the rest make their way around the back of the building.

“If I click on this, all the footage of tonight will be deleted, but I'll do that after the guys come back.” He points at a key on his keyboard. “Now we have to crack the password. Haknyeon?”

You look at your right to see Haknyeon click on a bunch of keys to reveal the password.

“1206” He says, and Sunwoo repeats it into the walkie talkie.

After 30 minutes the rest rushes back in the car with a bunch of bags full of shoes and money.

“We almost got caught.” Eric pants out of breath.

“I saw no one in the store though?” Kevin asks, while deleting the camera footage.

“There was this old lady walking in the alley and Eric started freaking out” Hyunjae huffs.

“So an old lady walking in a dark alley in the middle of the night isn’t sus?!” Eric yells, making the others laugh.

When you guys arrive ‘home’, you decide to go to sleep first because you're exhausted. When you lie in your bed, you fall asleep almost immediately.

—————————————————

“I’m kinda getting bored of robbing, I need more thrill.” Changmin lay’s down on the couch.

“Yeah me too, I want some adrenaline.” Eric plops down next to him. “Try jumping off a cliff.” “Not funny, Sunwoo.”

“Oh! I have an idea!” Haknyeon jumps up. “Y/n is our maid now, right?” “Maid.” Younghoon snorts. “She’s cute, right? And we steal stuff, right?”

“Get to the point.” Sangyeon sighs.

“Let’s steal her heart.”

Hyunjae burst out laughing. “Are you insane? Why would we do that? That sounds so dumb.”

“You guys said you were bored and this sounds like a fun mission to me.”

“I agree, this could be fun.” Eric jumps up from the couch.

“So you wanna make her fall in love with one of us?” Jacob sits up. “Why would she do that, we’re holding her hostage.” Sunwoo laughs.

“That’s what makes it hard and more of a fun mission!”

“And when does the winner get?” Sangyeon speaks up.

“We have to do anything for that person for two whole years.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Hyunjae scoffs.

“I like the idea, I'm with Haknyeon.” Juyeon sides with the younger one.

“Fine it’s a good distraction, we need to get off the radar for a week, the police are still on our heels.” Sangyeon gives in while Haknyeon and Eric cheer.

[twodimecastle]

fifty bucks & six months.

spencer reid x gender neutral reader new relationship, secret keeping nonsense, 4.5k words, ao3 a/n; turns out i love writing texting fic but tumblr destroys the formatting rip

zero months.

You smile conspiratorially, extending a pinkie towards Spencer and he gives you a skeptical look.

“You know the odds of being found out immediately are-” he starts, but you cut him off.

“Astronomical, I know. I know. But don’t you think it’ll be fun to see how long we can push it?” you wheedle, not caring that your voice sounds more like begging than is strictly dignified because seeing the way Spencer’s nose crinkles in amusement at your heavy handed persuasion is too adorable to pass up. You scoot closer on the couch, tapping the end of his nose with your pinkie finger, letting him catch your hand between his as you continue “I think we’ve got a good shot at hiding it for a little while. It would be like a game.”

Spencer draws your captive hand to his lips, brushing them across your knuckles and watching fondly as you forge ahead in your campaign to persuade him, enjoying the show and the attention too much to tell you he’s already on board. Your eyes are shining with the prospect of the caper, and you’ve made no move to take your hand back from him, and Spencer’s pretty sure he’d be more than happy to sit with you in this moment forever. “I mean-” you go on, gesturing animatedly with your free hand, “you’re like-a really good liar when you want to be. And everyone else always forgets how good you are at it.”

He snorts at that and the sound makes you light up, eyes tracking the arch of his brows, the warmth in his soft brown eyes, memorising the way he looks like this; utterly unbothered, completely at ease. It might be your favourite version of him, but that race has always been a tight one with no clear winner in sight. You have lots of favourite versions of Spencer. Twisting your hand in his, you tangle your fingers together, savouring the way you feel his thumb glide delicately along your skin and the unhidden joy in his face at the simple show of affection.

Time to play your trump card.

“$50 says we can hide it from the whole group for at least six months. If everyone figures it out before then, you win. But if not everyone has worked it out by then, I win.”

The mischievous shine in your eyes is irresistible, and Spencer smiles, disentangling one of his hands from yours to extend his own pinky finger.

“You’re on.”

The words barely make it out of his mouth before you’re colliding with him, pressing your lips to his.

two months.

“So, how long has this whole thing been going on?” Derek’s question catches Spencer off guard, and, based on the way he can see you freeze in his peripheral vision, takes you by surprise as well. Sliding into the driver's seat of the SUV, Derek continues “I hope you didn’t think you were gonna be able to keep me in the dark for long, pretty boy. You should know better than that.”

Following mechanically after him, Spencer takes the passenger seat, trying to frame his next statement as carefully as possible as he hears your door close and the car start. “We were-going to tell you guys-” he begins uncomfortably, glancing back to you for support, but you look just as on edge as he feels. “We were just gonna-keep it to ourselves for a while-before telling Hotch and everything-” he tries again, the mounting tension levering his shoulders higher and higher with every passing moment, but then Derek just laughs, shaking his head.

“Hey, I’m happy for you, kid. For both of you.” He spares a look at you in the back seat through the rear view mirror, and you can feel the tension in your jaw relax, the furrows in your brow straightening out at the note of approval in Derek’s voice. “I’m glad you two finally figured it out,” he says, fondly, and you laugh.

“I bet Spence we could keep it from you guys at least six months,” you explain, reaching forwards through the centre console to link your pinky with Spencer’s, and the touch of your hand releases the last of the tension he had been harbouring as he covers your hand with the other one of his own. He knows Derek clocks the motion, filing it away in his mind somewhere, but he doesn’t care about the scrutiny so much right now. Not when your hand is so warm and comfortable in his.

Derek reaches for the dial on the radio and flicks through the channel, thinking about something, and as you watch, a slow mischievous smirk spreads across his face a moment later before he glances first at Spencer and then at you.

“I’ll tell you what,” he says to you, and Spencer can feel a familiar grin tugging at his own lips as he watches a plan take shape in his friend’s eyes. “I’m happy to sit on this information for a while for a cut of the winnings from whichever one of you comes out on top.” He snorts good naturedly as he continues “I have my own bet to win with Prentiss, so if you two help me win that one, I’ll cut you in too.”

“A quid pro quo of sorts,” Spencer says slowly, and he feels your fingers tighten around his, as you snort softly, and he knows instinctually you’re grinning the same way you always do when you’re winning a game. “I think we can do that.”

Derek grins, turning the music up as he nods, eyes on the road. “Then you two love birds have got yourselves a deal.”

two months and two weeks.

PG: youre not as slick as you think you are ;)

YN: ???

PG: ;))))))))) you should invest in some concealer for your work bag sweetness or tell the good doctor to pay more attention to whats visible in your work clothes

YN: oh my fucking god wait how do you even know thats how that happened

PG: im all knowing and all seeing im like the omnipotent goddess of the fbi

YN: derek blabbed

PG: he sang like a canary but also im an omnipotent goddess im also totally clued in on the whole bet situation with em so for the low low price of every single juicy detail about how this adorableness went down you can buy my silence :)

YN: im getting derek decaf coffee on all coffee runs from now on >:( traitors dont get caffeine

PG: darling sweet angel i need deets all of them like immediately

YN: >:( fine ok so. after that case down in georgia a few months ago? the weird one? with the creepy mother son thing?

PG: omg yuck pls dont remind me im here for the CUTENESS not the MURDER

YN: sorryyyyyyy anyway so spence was like being super weird about it all on the plane and whatever but he was doing that super annoying thing where he ignores it and says hes fine so everyone leaves him alone

PG: YEAH why does everyone here do that ALL THE TIME its SO annoyingggg

YN: ikr its insufferable and like super not subtle ANYWAY. spence was being weird and whatever and i just. refused to let him sulk on his own or whatever like i could tell there was something bothering him and so after work i insisted that we were gonna get like shitty diner food or whatever and watch a movie and he knows better than to say no to me

PG: smart boy

YN: so we got fries and milkshakes and then went back to his place to watch a movie and he was still like weird and silent and like brooding yknow? but whatever just figured hed talk about it when he was ready so i put on a movie and offered to make popcorn and then he was just staring at me and he looked so SAD and TIRED and i thought id done something wrong like the poor guy looked like he was gonna cry and i was panicking over fucking popcorn and then he says ‘why are you always so nice to me?’

PG: oh my god hes like if a sad victorian orphan was actually a triplicate phd holder

YN: i was SO thrown off i was like spencer. spencer were best friends. ive been forcing you to hang out with me for years now why do you THINK im being nice to you its bc i care about you asshole and then. like after another million years after letting me sweat it out over whether hes about to cry for like fucking years the asshole grabs my hand and says. i shit you not. ‘you know im in love with you, right?’ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PG: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YN: anyway hes my boyfriend now :’) dont tell anyone tho gotta win the bet

four months.

Lingering by the elevator, you glance around at the uncharacteristically silent office building, waiting for Spencer to leave the bullpen. The sound of his footfalls drawing nearer makes you smile and you mentally applaud yourself for suggesting the two of you remained behind after disembarking from the plane, taking advantage of the manufactured privacy to take the same car home, back to his apartment.

When he sees you waiting for him, he can’t help the soft fond smile that tugs at his face, as he reaches for your hand, sliding his fingers into yours with a gentle squeeze, the quiet of the building allowing him to indulge in the show of affection. You return the squeeze, leaning your head on his shoulder with a yawn and as he presses a fond kiss to your temple he’s rewarded by a sleepy hum of approval from you that sends a rush of quiet joy shooting through him.

“At least we won’t be sleeping in hotel beds again tonight,” you say, voice weary, and Spencer nods as he shuffles you into the elevator. The doors slide shut and the elevator starts to move and in the moment of absolute privacy, you steal a kiss, tilting your chin up to catch his lips with yours, revelling in the soft huff of surprise he lets out, even as he smiles against your mouth. Even after months, the simple act of kissing Spencer still feels new and thrilling somehow, like you can’t quite believe it’s something you’re allowed to do.

His nose brushes yours and he breathes “unless something big comes up, we get a sleep in tomorrow too,” and the way you beam at him sends his heart racing in his chest, unable to look away from the fondness shining in your eyes.

As the two of you exit the elevator and make your way through the Bureau car park, you tuck yourself against his side, wedging yourself under his arm with a happy sigh, eager to get yourself horizontal and asleep as fast as possible. Spencer brushes his lips against your temple again as the two of you close in on his car, almost free and clear of the office when a voice behind the two of you brings you up short.

“Reid?”

Spencer is reacting before his mind catches up, turning on his heel towards the sound of Hotch’s voice echoing through the parking lot, conscious of the incriminating way you’re still tucked against his side, even as his brain is rifling frantically through any possible excuses for the current circumstances.

“Hotch-” you step away from Spencer, cheeks flaming, not wanting to chance a look at him. “I-we-thought everyone else had gone home,” you trail off lamely, trying your hardest not to balk under Hotch’s ominously impassive scrutiny. A second passes, then another, and the short silence feels like months, or years even as the three of you stand locked in a stalemate.

“I take it the two of you would prefer to keep this under wraps?” He asks, finally, and it registers with Spencer, somewhat belatedly, that Hotch’s tone isn’t admonishing. It isn’t enough to dissipate the tension coiling in Spencer’s muscles just yet, but he spares a glance at you as he nods, and a moment later, Hotch gives the two of you a curt nod of his own. “I’ll tell you what,” he says, a shade of irony colouring his voice. “If you two fill out the paperwork for in-team relationships for me, I’ll keep it to myself. I understand privacy is hard to come by in our office.”

The words take a while to fully sink in, and you’re conscious that you’re standing there blinking and gaping at your boss like a bemused fish for a good few seconds before you’ve composed yourself enough to say “absolutely, sir. Of course. Thank you.”

Hotch nods again, heading towards his own car, and as he passes the two of you, a brief smile flashes across his face.

“Congratulations, you two. Get some sleep.”

four months and three weeks.

Spencer isn’t sure how late it is, but he knows you’re not asleep yet, the faint glow of your phone screen casting faint distorted shadows across his room as your free hand rests lightly on his chest. In the dark blue twilight of his room, the space feels undefined and dream like somehow, the line between his mind and his surroundings blurry or indistinct somehow, and as you huff out a near silent laugh at something on the screen in your hand, a thought rises to the surface of his thoughts like flotsam on an unwanted tide.

The more clinical part of his mind notes the autonomic response in his body, the way his heart lurches unpleasantly in his chest, heart rate rising with an influx of cortisol through his nervous system, automatically rifling through ways to control the anxiety response. Age old instinct surges forwards, starting to push his spiralling anxiety down out of sight so as not to bother you with it, but then your hand shifts infinitesimally on his chest, fingers curling in the soft fabric of his pyjama shirt, and for once his body is miles ahead of his brilliant mind, your name is leaving his lips before he’s really aware of it happening.

Your gaze flashes up from your phone at the sound of his voice, soft and hesitant, and you let the screen go dark as you set it down. You can feel Spencer’s heart hammering against his ribs under your palm, and your brows knit together in concern as you shift closer to his side, tracing gentle circles over his shirt with your fingertips, the repetitive motion intended to soothe, though you’re not sure if it’s for his benefit or yours.

“Yeah, baby?” You ask softly, working hard to keep the rising worry from your voice. After three years of friendship and almost six months of dating, you know him well enough to sense when his propensity for overthinking and catastrophizing is slipping out of his control. You can feel his chest rise as he inhales sharply, whatever he’s about to say cut off by second guessing, doing nothing to pacify your concern. “Spence? Is everything okay?” You ask again.

“This-bet-hiding our relationship-it’s-” he trails off, throat tight as he rolls onto his side, facing away from you, and smushing his face into the pillow, already wishing he hadn’t said anything. You’re the kindest person he’s ever met, but offering up this kind of raw insecurity feels like pulling teeth. Even if it’s you. Especially if it’s you. He doesn’t know if he’s ready to find out if you care about him enough to stay when his racing mind gets the better of him. The pillow muffles his voice as he says “never mind.”

You feel your own heart rate tic up in response to that, matching the wild beat of Spencer’s that you could feel under your palm only a second ago. “Baby, talk to me. What’s on your mind?”

He shakes his head, face still hidden in the pillow. “It’s stupid.”

He can feel the rush of your breath on his back as you sigh, and your voice is almost achingly patient as you say softly “it’s not stupid if it matters to you.” There’s a long pause, and you press yourself against his back, settling close and letting your hand slide over his side to rest on his chest, the heat of his skin sinking into yours even through his thin shirt. In spite of his height, he feels so small as you wrap yourself around him, drawing closer, trying to reassure him without yet knowing what he needs to be reassured of. “Spence?”

“Are you ashamed of-being with me? Is that why you want to hide it?” The words are almost whispered, the sound almost lost against his pillow and your heart sinks, plummeting faster and further than if you’d dropped it off the side of a skyscraper. You should’ve known he might worry about that, should have realised it might have felt that way. Remorse rises hot and bitter in your throat and you swallow it down, trying to steady your voice.

“Spencer. Sweetheart. No. Never. I could never be ashamed. I love you. I’m so sorry.” Your arms wrap more tightly around him and you bury your face against the crook of his neck, the tension you can feel in every inch of his body making you feel more cruel and short-sighted than you already do. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise it might feel like that. I could never be ashamed of being with you, Spence. You’re my favourite person.” He takes the kind of shaky, shallow breath that comes with trying not to cry and your heart breaks a little more as one of his hands slowly moves to cover yours where it rests against his chest, just over his heart.

As his hand rests over yours, his thumb strokes lightly along your knuckles, and he knows you know him well enough to notice the way his hand trembles, just a little, because then your hand is shifting against his, turning to clumsily tangle your fingers with his, holding tighter to him as he tries to collect himself, drawing in a deep, shuddering breath as his eyes squeeze shut. He can hear the contrition in your voice as you say softly “I’ve never really liked having people know everything about what’s going on in my life. And I love our friends but-something like this, that’s so-special? So new? I wanted to be able to keep it to just us for a while.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice comes out a little shaky, scarcely more than a whisper, and it’s more than you can take as you pull back and gently force him to roll over to face you. He’s not crying, but his eyes are glassy and you recognise the fight to keep the tears unshed in the tight set of his jaw and the hard line of his lips. Leaning on your elbow, you lift your free hand to gently smooth out the furrows of his brow, letting your fingers linger along the planes of his face.

“Why are you sorry,” you ask gently. “You don’t need to be sorry, baby. Not for talking to me about things that bother you. We can tell everyone else tomorrow, if you want? We can call off the bet. Derek will live. If he’s got a problem with it I’ll turn all his shirts into crop tops.”

He can tell the joke is a last bid attempt to make him smile, to ease his fear, and it works. In spite of the anxious weight in his chest that feels like it’s pressing him into the mattress, Spencer laughs weakly, meeting your eyes, and he watches as a relieved smile breaks across your face, releasing your lower lip from where you’d trapped it worriedly between your teeth. The unmitigated affection that floods into your eyes renders him momentarily breathless as he takes in the moment. You’re still here, still trying to take care of him. Just as kind and steadfast as ever.

“No,” he says eventually, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you down on top of him like a living weighted blanket, letting your warmth chase the bulk of the tension from his body and luxuriating in the way you curl into him, one hand sliding into his hair. “We shouldn’t call off the bet. We still have to take Emily’s money, remember?”

Your sleepy laugh is the last thing he hears before his eyes close and the feel of your body wound around his lulls him to sleep.

five months.

SR: Can I talk to you about something?

DM: you dying or something? that’s a really fuckin ominous text to recieve out of the blue

SR: I’m not dying, why would that be what you assumed? I just have a question.

DM: just a figure of speech but what’s up?

SR: It’s about your bet with Emily. What’re the terms for it?

DM: wym?

SR: What exactly did you two make the bet about? What needs to happen in order for you to win the bet?

DM: does this count as collusion?

SR: Technically yes, but calling it collusion implies a certain degree of illegality.

DM: whatever anyway the terms i made with em were that you’d make some kind of move before your birthday but she reckoned you were gonna need some kind of near death experience to do anything about your crush why?

SR: I’m just making sure I have all the information.

DM: what’s going on pretty boy? you planning something?

SR: Maybe.

DM: not a helpful answer reid is everything good?

SR: Everything’s fine. We’re just figuring some stuff out. Nothing to worry about.

DM: is there something you’re not telling me?

SR: Don’t worry about it.

five months, three weeks and six days.

In the chaos that was the scramble from the briefing room to the jet, you haven’t yet had the chance to speak to Spencer about the outcome of his most recent thesis defence panel. By the time you’ve got a moment to breathe, the jet is underway, coasting across the country towards Montana, the whole team settled in for the six hour flight. You corner him in the tiny kitchen area of the jet as he’s making a mug of mediocre coffee, fingers tapping out an absent minded rhythm on the countertop as the coffee machine whirs, clearly not paying attention to anything outside of his head.

“Hey, boy genius.” He jumps, whirling around, eyes wide with surprise, and you smile fondly. “So?” You demand, and Spencer raises an eyebrow in confusion. You snort, rolling your eyes as you elaborate. “Your defence panel. Did it go okay?”

You’re shifting your weight and fidgeting restlessly with the belt loops on your pants and as he studies you for a moment, it occurs to Spencer that you’re nervous for him over this outcome. The thought brings an almost giddy smile to his face.

“You know this isn’t my first thesis defence panel, right?” He says mildly, deliberately burying the lede, enjoying the way you scowl in irritation too much to answer your question right away, too enamoured with this display of concern on his behalf.

“Don’t be difficult, Doctor Reid. It’s still a big deal.” He just shrugs noncommittally, and you huff, swatting his arm lightly. “So did it go well?” You ask again, eyes narrowing as you try to dissect his microexpressions, trying to discern the answer he seems determined to keep from you for yourself. A few seconds later, he relents.

“I can now add degree number six to my wall.” He confirms. Getting degrees doesn’t hold the same rush of pride for him now, the accomplishment feeling somewhat less exceptional as he acquires more of them, but the way your face lights up with pride for him reminds him how special the things he’s capable of can be. You’ve always made him feel like more than the sum of his parts somehow, like something infinitely more precious than he always assumed he is.

“I fucking knew it. That’s amazing, Spence,” you say, chest warm and full with pride and love, and his almost shy smile in return is enough to make a decision for you in a split second. Your hand dips into your back pocket, drawing something out, and you carefully hide it from view in your palm as Spencer tracks the motion curiously with his eyes.

Your eyes are shining with affection and something that looks like mischief and the way you’re smiling at him is more than enough to divert his attention as you step closer, just barely noticing as you slip something into his hand. You’re dangerously, distractingly close now, and he’s conscious, if somewhat distantly, that neither of you is concealed from the rest of the team, scant meters away in the seating area of the jet. But you’re smiling and close enough for him to feel your breath on his face and suddenly your lips are on his, and even after nearly seven months of being able to touch you like this, it’s enough to make him forget everything else as he melts into the contact, savouring the warmth of your skin and the faint smell of your shampoo.

You pull back a second later, the kiss over almost as soon as it started, but it’s enough to attract attention, and you can hear a belated ‘oh SHIT’ from Emily in the main cabin of the jet. In your peripheral vision, you can see money changing hands, your friends scrambling to react, but you don’t look at them, choosing to enjoy the bemused, affectionate look on Spencer’s face as his brain catches up to the events unfolding around the two of you.

“I was tired of keeping it a secret,” you say fondly, loud enough only for him to hear. “You win.”

Blinking in confusion, he finally tears his gaze away from yours, fingers uncurling to reveal the fifty dollar bill you had pressed into his palm right before you kissed him. The penny drops and he snorts with laughter, shaking his head in half hearted indignation as his other arm loops around you, pulling you in, letting you rest your head on his shoulder, hiding your face from the rest of the team as he kisses your temple, revelling in the way you wind yourself around him in response.

“I was gonna do this in like two days. I wanted you to win,” he murmurs against your hairline, and he can feel your faint laughter.

“Too bad, baby. I’m used to getting my way,” you say, pulling back to steal another quick kiss before peeling yourself out of his arms with a wink, turning to face the onslaught of ‘care to fucking explain that’ and ‘I fucking told you so’ from the rest of your friends, tugging him with you by your joined hands.

[aliendes]

BTS reaction to you squirting (M) NSFW

BTS reaction to you squirting NSFW 18+

This is my first time using the Tumblr GIF feature. If you do not want me to use your GIFs please let me know, I am new to this!

Warnings: squirting?, fingering, oral, overstim, toys, they’re mostly all kind of soft doms? lol oops, marking, exhibitionism kind of

A/N: Ok so I got a request from @blushingatyou for a soft dom Namjoon with marking, praise, and oral, so I included that in here! Hope you like it! :) and also I think I have a thing for Taehyung… he’s literally never been my bias or my bias wrecker, but I can’t help but write the filthiest things for him… why lol. Some of them are short - I’m sorrrrry. If you have a request, send me an ask ;D

Seokjin was on top of you thrusting his thick cock into your pussy. He was hitting all the right spots, the tip of his dick bumping into your cervix with each thrust. You could feel the pressure building in your core causing you to clench around Jin.

“A-ah!” You yelped as Seokjin brought his hand between you and pressed his thumb onto your swollen clit, “Jin!”

“Come on baby, cum for me,” his voice was low and breathy. He was panting hard, exacerbated from the quick pace he was keeping up. The room was filled with both of your heavy breathing and the sound of his balls smacking skin with each thrust.

“So- so close, Jin,” you were out of breath, eyes screwed shut as you let your orgasm build. You started to feel a pressure in your pussy that felt foreign to you, but it felt good. Really good. “J- Jin - I,”

Before you could finish your sentence the pressure snapped and you swear you lost consciousness for a moment, only seeing white behind your eyelids. The next thing you knew, Jin had halted his movements and was staring at your pussy in awe. You looked down and saw that his crotch and abdomen was soaked. He looked up at you, a goofy grin on his face, “You just squirted, babe.”

Your face flushed at his words, one hand coming up to cover your face. “Hey,” Seokjin leaned down and pulled your hand down, “don’t hide from me. That was insane. You are so fucking hot. Do you feel good?”

You did, you really did. You nodded at him and he leaned down and kissed you softly. “Think you got another one?”

Yoongi currently had you bent over your makeup vanity in your room. You were supposed to be going out for dinner tonight, both having the night off from work, but neither of you were able to keep your hands to yourself. The two of you hadn’t seen each other in almost a week, too busy with work. You didn’t even have time to touch yourself properly. You had a lot of built up desire and the moment your boyfriend walked through your door, all bets were off. 

A sharp slap came down hard on your ass cheek as Yoongi relentlessly pounded into you from behind. Your arms were bracing you against the desk, both of Yoongi’s large hands on your hips pulling you back to meet every thrust, one coming up every once in a while to give your ass a nice slap. You had a blooming red print on your cheek and Yoongi was loving it.

“That’s it baby girl,” he drawled, voice deep with lust, “you take my cock so well.”

You moaned at his words, pussy clenching hard around his thick cock. “Mmm, you love it don’t you,” he growled, “you love this cock.”

“Yoongi!” You yelped as his hand came down another time. Your nerves were on fire with arousal, pussy dripping down your thighs and onto your bedroom floor. The pleasure Yoongi was giving you was heightened because of your lack of release this past week. 

“Scream my name baby, let everyone hear whose fucking this pussy raw.”

“A-ah! Y-Yoongi!” You screamed as his hand snaked around your front, tips of two fingers rubbing vigorously onto your swollen bud. He reached down a bit gathering up your arousal and spreading it over your clit again. The moan it drew from your throat was so lewd it had him throwing his head back as he fucked into you with all his strength. He wasn’t usually this rough, but he missed your sweet, sweet cunt so much. Yoongi bent his knees slightly, fucking up into you so he could hit your sweet spot. “Ah!” You were sure your neighbors would call the cops soon.

“Cum for me baby, cum on this cock.” 

You felt the pressure in your pussy build and build until you couldn’t take it anymore and your legs were shaking with pleasure. Yoongi grabbed onto your hips, steadying you as he fucked you through your high, never letting up his pace. It wasn’t until your post orgasm haze started to fade that you realized the puddle on the floor. “What.. the…” you trailed off as Yoongi’s thrusts started to slow.

“You squirted all over me babe,” he said, smirk apparent in his voice, “you’re so fucking hot.” He picked up the pace again and slammed into you, chasing his own high. “Let’s see how many more times you can do that tonight.”

Hoseok knew exactly what he was doing, and you fucking loved it. He currently had you blindfolded on his bed, teasing your sensitive clit with a vibrator. He’s been edging you for the better part of the last hour, bringing you so close to orgasming and then pulling away completely. You were a writhing mess on his satin sheets, heightened even further by the blindfold you were currently wearing.

“Hoseok-ah!” You screamed as you felt his tongue plunge into your pussy without warning. He still held the pink silicone vibrator against your clit and he fucked his tongue into you, drinking up your taste. “Ah!” You couldn’t control your volume at this point, hands reaching to grab onto his hair.

He instantly pulled away at the feeling of your fingers in his hair, still holding the vibrating toy. “Uh-uh kitten, hands off,” he growled lowly, “only good girls get to cum. Now behave.”

You whimpered, slowly removing your hands from him and fisting the soft sheets instead. After a moment, you felt Hoseok inching closer to you until you could feel his hot breath of your dipping pussy making you jolt with excitement. He brought the vibrator back to your bud, just lightly touching it. The pleasure bordered on painful, not quite enough to bring you over the edge but enough to have your legs shaking. “You look so hot squirming under me, kitten,” Hoseok whispered against your pussy, licking a stripe from your hole up the side of your clit. You were a moaning mess, screaming at the intense feeling of his wet tongue and the strong vibrations. 

Just as you were about to topple over the edge, you expected Hoseok to pull away again, but instead he clicked the vibrator’s strength up all the way. “That’s it baby, cum for me,” a high pitch scream left your lips as your orgasm washed over you quicker than you expected, back arching high off the bed and you clenched down on nothing. Hoseok quickly stuck his tongue inside you and you came to ride you through your high. 

You laid back on the bed, head hitting the soft pillow as Hoseok clicked off the vibrator and slid up the bed towards you. “Feel good, kitten?” 

You nodded at him, a hazy look on your face as he reached over and pulled the blindfold off you. Your eyes took a moment to adjust, and the first thing you saw once they did was Hoseok’s glistening, grinning face. “What?” You asked hesitantly at the look on his face.

“You squirted,” he smirked.

You looked down between your legs immediately noticing how wet the bed sheets were. A blush instantly rose to your face at the mess. “S-sorry,” you mumbled, embarrassed.

Hoseok propped himself up over you and leaned down and kissed you passionately. “Sorry? No - baby that was so fucking hot. I can’t wait to do it again later.” You giggled at his salacious smile, covering your face with your hand.

“You look so good, dripping wet for me, love,” Namjoon whispered in your ear. He was propped up on one hand leaning over your body, the other hand traveling down your naked body until he reached your pussy. He ran two fingers through your slick before inserting them into you, causing a soft mewl to leave your throat. “So wet, so perfect.” His mouth traveled down your neck kissing and sucking lightly on the skin until he reached your collarbone. With his fingers still pumping slowly in and out of you, he sucked light purple bruises onto the skin of your decollete, marking you for everyone to see tomorrow. “Such a pretty baby.”

“Joon,” you moaned, drawing out his name. 

“Hmm,” his lips were still sucking at your chest, moving a little lower until your perky nipple was in his mouth. He lewdly sucked for a moment before pulling back with a ‘pop’. “Tell me what you want, love,” he looked up at you, lust present in his eyes.

You squirmed a little, making him halt the movement of his fingers inside you. You let out a loud whine at his actions, making him pull completely out of you and lightly slap your clit with his wet fingers. “Use your words baby,” he growled leaning up to bite your neck in warning.

“Ah!” You yelped, “Y-your fingers, Joon!”

“What else, love?”

“Y-your t-tongue!” You gasped as his fingers entered you again, adding a third one to stretch you further. You moaned at the slight burn in your core as he curled his fingers up to hit your g-spot. “Feels so-o-o good!”

“Mmm,” Namjoon made a noncommittal noise in his throat before moving down your body, fingers still wriggling inside you. “Such a good girl,” he whispered before slotting himself between your legs. You looked down at him as he looked up to meet your gaze, “Tell me what you want again.” He loved hearing you tell him how good he made you feel, how much you wanted him and you were happy to give it to him.

“Need your t-tongue, Joonie,” you whimpered, bottom lip jutting out slightly as you bucked your hips up into his hand, “ah!”

Namjoon placed his free hand on your stomach, holding you down as he smirked, “Dirty girl, can you squirt for me?”

You could feel the tell-tale pressure building inside you as he continued to wiggle his fingers upwards. You nodded your head quickly.

“Good girl,” he growled as he dove forward and latched his lips onto your pulsing clit, pulling a guttural scream from your lips. Namjoon pulled your clit lightly between his teeth and sucked, hard. Your vision went black, hands grabbing onto whatever you could of the bed sheets, back arching violently as your high hit you like a truck. Namjoon watched in awe as your pussy clenched around his digits, liquid squirting all over his hand and face. Your body was shaking under him as he slowly finger fucked you through your high. 

Once you came down from your high he brought his plush lips back down onto your swollen bud, gently lavishing you with his soft tongue. He slowly pulled his fingers from your aching hole and ran his wet tongue through your folds, lapping up your release. His goal wasn’t to make you cum, but instead to soothe you and clean you up. He was careful to avoid your sensitive clit, pressing light kisses against it. The sweetness of his actions severely contrasted his dominant demeanor only a moment ago. 

You let out a soft sigh at the feeling of his wet muscle moving over your worn out pussy, loving the way he cares for you. Once he had you cleaned up sufficiently, he climbed back up the bed, slotting himself against your side. You reached your arms around his neck, turning onto your side. 

“Good?” He asked quietly.

You smiled softly at him, “Good.” 

“I love you, baby.”

“I love you too Joonie.”

“Scream for me baby,” Jimin whispered in your ear before biting down on your earlobe, pulling the sound he wanted from your lips, “that’s right. Let everyone know whose cock is making you feel this good.”

“J-Jimin!” You screamed, legs wrapping around the hips that were pounding into you relentlessly. Jimin picked up his already impossible pace, balls making a lewd slapping sound with every thrust. 

Jimin’s hard cock curved in the most perfect way, and you truly admired his thick girth. It rubbed your walls in a way you’ve never felt with any other person. He hit all your sweet spots, and now was no exception.

Jimin brought two fingers up to your mouth and you obediently opened, allowing him to insert his digits and swirl them around on your tongue, collecting your saliva. Quickly, he reached down between you both and rubbed quick figure eights onto your sensitive clit. “O-oh Jimin!” You yelled again, not caring about your volume. Jimin’s roommates were out tonight so you didn’t need to worry about anyone hearing you.

“Are you gonna cum baby?” You nodded quickly, eyes screwing shut at the pleasure Jimin’s cock and fingers were giving to you, “Cum all over this cock baby.”

At his dirty words the band inside you snapped, arms reaching up and pulling his shoulders down to help ground you. You felt Jimin’s hips stutter slightly as he slowed down his movements. “Oh shit,” he growled, looking down between your legs. You quickly looked down to see yourself squirt all over his dick and thighs, leaving a glistening sheen on his tanned skin, “That was so fucking hot, YN.”

Jimin looked up at you with love in his eyes, like you hadn’t just squirted all over him and his bed, “You’re amazing baby,” he leaned down and kissed you sweetly before pulling back and looking at you with fire in his eyes, “my turn.”

Taehyung smiled at you as you sat down on his lap. He was sitting in the studio working on lyrics when you decided to stop by and bring him coffee. Wrapping his arms around your waist, Taehyung leaned his chin on your shoulder, “Thank you, baby.”

You smiled sweetly at him, “You’re welcome Tae. Do you think you’ll be done soon?” As you questioned him, you wiggled your hips a bit to get more comfortable on his muscular thighs. 

“Hmph -” Tae squeezed your middle a little tighter at the movement, “baby,” his voice was suddenly lower, gravely, “don’t do that.”

You looked at him, confused for a moment, before you felt his growing member on your backside. You gasped at him, turning to face him, “Tae!”

“I can’t help it!” He defended, hands sliding over your waist and thighs, “I’ve been horny all day and you sitting on it is making it worse!” He whined. 

He’s been horny all day? Well, you could help him with that. You smirked at him, causing his dick to twitch in his pants at what was about to happen. “Can I help you baby?”

His normally sweet eyes turned dark at your suggestion, “What did you have in mind?” You knew where his thoughts were going. He probably wanted to bend you over this desk and dominate you, but you had other ideas.

“Let me ride you, right here,” you punctuated your sentence with a roll of your hips, earning a groan from Taehyung. 

“You’re so fucking hot,” he mumbled as you stood up, slowly sliding your jeans off your legs, giving him a show. As you pulled your pants down, you turned around and bent forward so he could get a view of your already wet pussy from behind, covered by white panties. He could see your wetness seeping through the fabric and it made his cock throb in his pants. “Ugh, YN, look what you’re doing to me.”

You turned around and tossed your pants behind you, looking down at his crotch. He was currently sporting basketball shorts which did nothing to hide the tent his dick was making in his underwear. As you walked slowly back towards him, he slid his shorts down a bit, hard cock springing free and slapping his stomach. He wrapped a large hand around himself and gave a few lazy strokes before you straddled him.

As you slotted yourself on top of him, he pushed your panties to the slide and lined himself up with your core. You locked eyes with him for a moment, both silently giving permission to go forward. Taehyung rubbed the tip of his leaking cock through your folds, gathering up your arousal before sliding easily into you. You both moaned at the stretch of your walls, your voice cracking a bit at the delicious burn.

“Oh my God, baby, you’re so tight,” he mumbled into your hair as you leaned forward, wrapping both arms around his neck. He let out another low moan as he fully sheathed himself inside your warmth, “I love your pussy.”

You smirked, placing a wet kiss on his neck. You slowly began to grind on his dick, reveling in the way it rubbed against your sweet spot. With every roll of your hips you let out soft whimpers, spurring Taehyung on even more. He was losing himself in the pleasure of you taking control, letting his hands roam your tight body, finally resting a large, veiny hand on your ass. God, you loved his hands. His other hand came down between you two, thumb pressing onto your clit. 

You buried your face further into his neck, hips still rolling against his. “Your cock feels amazing, Tae,” you mumbled against his hot skin. 

“What can I do?” So considerate, always wanting you to cum first. 

“Lean back a bit?” You asked him quietly. He did as you asked without hesitation, leaning back in the office chair until he heard you moan loudly. The new position allowed his cock to rub against your g-spot perfectly and you could feel your orgasm building quickly. 

“Can you cum for me, princess?” He was so sweet. Something about that name sent you over the edge, halting your movements. Taehyung took over for you, slowly grinding up into your hips, helping you ride out your orgasm. “Oh god,” he groaned, his voice breathy, “are you squirting?”

You looked down, noticing the hot liquid squirting from your pussy. It wasn’t much, but it was definitely noticeable, the feeling too much as you quickly swatted Tae’s hand from your clit. 

“I- I think so?” You had never squirted before, all you knew was that you felt amazing, a little hazy, but amazing. 

“God, YN,” he groaned again before grabbing your hips and fucking up into you with abandon. You squealed at the sudden roughness of your boyfriend, which probably wasn’t the best choice, since the next sound you heard was a knocking at the door and Namjoon’s deep voice.

“You guys ok in there?”

Jungkook was currently knuckle deep in your pussy, fingering you against the wall of the bathroom. The two of you decided to go out with the boys to celebrate the completion of their album, but snuck away to have a little celebration of your own.

“You like that baby?” He asked, voice low, “Want someone to walk by right now and hear exactly what you’re doing in here?”

You moaned at the suggestion. Who knew you had an exhibitionism kink? 

“Yeah? I just felt you clench around my fingers, YN,” he whispered into your ear, which was pointless really with how loud the music outside the door was, “are you gonna squirt for me?”

You wrapped your arms around his neck as you swung one leg around Jungkook’s hips, leaning farther back into the wall. “Mhmm,” you moaned into his neck, sighing at the feeling of his thick digits wiggling inside you, “feels s’good.”

Jungkook added a third finger at your admission, not quite finger fucking you, instead wiggling his fingers back and forth inside your heat. You could feel the pressure building everytime he rubbed against the spongy spot inside you. Jungkook knew how to make you squirt. Always wanting to be the best at everything, when you first got together years ago he asked if you had ever squirted. You told him you hadn’t so he made it his mission to be the first, which he succeeded in. Ever since then he could do it easily with this technique. 

“Squirt for me baby,” he mumbled into your hair as he felt your pussy tighten around his digits, sending a searing heat through your nerves. You screwed your eyes shut and twisted one hand into Jungkook’s long, curly hair as you came. Jungkook quickly pulled his finger from you, allowing the built up pressure to release all over the bathroom floor. He backed up a bit, careful not to get your release on his dark jeans. You were panting hard, hands on your boyfriend’s shoulder as you caught your breath. He reached forward and pulled your dress back down your body and fixed your panties. “You good, babe? Let’s get you cleaned up so we can get back out there.”

“Wait - don’t you want me to suck you off?” You looked at him, eyebrows raised, still slightly panting.

“Nah,” he said, a devilish smirk appearing on his face, “I’m going to ruin you when we get home.”

You gulped. You couldn’t wait. 

[greensaplinggrace]

What Is There To Celebrate About the Darkling? (Part 4)

1 2 3 4

He’s calculating but impulsive. Gentle yet firm. Stubborn and adaptive. Just a real mess of contradictions that makes him all the more interesting.

He loves nature. He loves the forest.

Fond of luxuries and nice things. After growing up as he did, I think he deserves them.

Very socially awkward. Introvert just trying his best. Anything that isn’t manipulation and therefore something he’s planned in his head is just a social train wreck waiting to happen.

The way he pushes up Alina’s sleeve when they first meet. This man had zero compunctions about acting completely unprofessionally in front of his soldiers and I think that’s very sexy of him.

He’s constantly tired and exasperated with the people around him.

The way he says “quiet” with the softest voice imaginable and a room full of laughter instantly goes silent.

He had no interest in Elizaveta even though she was utterly obsessed with him and I think that’s hilarious.

Elizaveta: I have a plan to resurrect the Darkling Everybody Else: Oh the Darkling is so evil for trying to come back! The Darkling, who just wants a nap and is sick of this mortal bullshit: Why am I even here? This is such a pain in the ass. I should have killed Elizaveta when I had the chance.

How he asks if Alina “will have” his name like a man proposing.

Has his bedroom attached to the war room.

Constantly checking up on Alina just to know how she’s doing. Never pushing her beyond her limits as she’s training.

Very creative with his shadows and the extent of their abilities. So many of the ways he uses his powers are genius.

His ending in RoW is a tragedy and an injustice. He deserves better.

This old man pouting at Alina in episode seven as he says “please, I just want to talk to you 🥺”

There is a black kefta made for Alina after like two days in the Little Palace. He really was already planning their entire immortal futures together as Mr. and Mrs. Starkov wasn’t he?

His bed is covered in maps and notes when he’s plotting how to find Alina. Also before that, the way he’s poring over the notes at his desk and giving orders is 👌🥵

Him acting like a real General at all is simply amazing.

The fact that he trusts Luda with his life. That they have a whole intimidation routine set up around him purposefully getting himself fatally injured knowing she’ll heal him.

He looks like a vampire in the show and a fae in the books.

His favorite ABBA song is probably “Lay All Your Love On Me.”

Looks composed but that’s only a façade. Is actually an unhinged feral terror of pain and misery.

That scene where he tells the king she will remain in the Little Palace to train undisturbed and he puts his foot down. ON THE RED CARPET. the king’s carpet. and uses a commanding voice that’s just on the edge of an order…I’m surprised he didn’t get flogged for that. IMO nothing conveys the fine line he walks with those in power while wielding his own like this scene. Literally he should just be celebrated for this alone.

“‘Why won’t you leave me alone?’ I whispered one night as he hovered behind me while I tried to work at my desk. Long minutes passed. I didn’t think he would answer. I even had time to hope he might have gone, until I felt his hand on my shoulder. “Then I’d be alone, too,” he said, and he stayed the whole night through, till the lamps burned down to nothing.

Trapped a bunch of Saints in the Shadow Fold like a true amoral disaster villain. What an icon.

His barely concealed amusement and half hidden smile when Alina comes to put his kefta on. The way he finds Alina utterly hilarious and tries so hard to act like he doesn’t.

That small amused smile when Alina jokes about finding Volcra hilarious. Please he’s so adorable 😭

“‘I know what you feel when you’re with the tracker,’ he said. ‘I doubt that’ He gave a dismissive wave.” - My Malarklina obsessed self, vibrating at the edge of my seat: but what does it mean?!?

Mal and the Darkling’s entire fight in the Fold: dumbass on dumbass violence.

The way he stands with his back turned to Alina when she enters his tent the first time they meet and then does the slowest Godfather turn in history. 1999/10 - points removed for a criminal lack of cat petting.

“I may lead the second army, but the king is still the king.” - the delivery of that line. the implications, the history behind it and also the foreshadowing for his plans.

That slow turn face reveal in episode one though. Like okay we get it you’re pretty alkjsdflkj

Confused Old Man Face™ whenever Mal or Alina do anything remotely defiant in his presence.

How he tells Alina to come closer and she only takes the tiniest step and he doesn’t even react.

His little head cock whenever someone says or does something that just doesn’t vibe with him.

Darklina tumblr has now convinced me that the Darkling is a cat in human form.

“You’re an amplifier,” she said. He glanced at where Sylvi was pouncing on another helpless tree, oblivious, and gave a single, frightened nod. How could he have been so stupid? He would have to tell his mother now, and she would insist that they leave right away. If word got out, they’d both be in danger. Amplifiers were rare, hard to find, harder to hunt. Their lives would be forfeit. Even if they got away, word would spread. He could already hear his mother’s voice: Foolish, careless, callous. If you don’t value your own life, show some concern for mine. Annika touched his sleeve. “It’s okay,” she said. “I won’t tell.” Panic crowded in. He shook his head. She slid her hand into his. It was hard not to pull away. He should. He was breaking his mother’s fundamental rule for keeping them both alive. Never let them touch you, she’d warned him. - 😥 I just want to give him a hug all the time.

His strangled shout when Mal tackles him off of the skiff.

His smile when he’s summoning the sun. The expression on his face when he does so. Like I know I’ve mentioned this before but damn. If you ever needed a reason to celebrate him, this would be it.

“Shame, I’ll have to give that speech again now.”

The way he flips Mal over his shoulder in the Fold after Mal attempts to strangle him.

His little lecture on the Small Science to Alina when they’re going to meet the King. Info dump.

“You make it sound so easy.” “A bird makes flight look easy. But it was born to do so.”

When Alina looks at him for guidance on whether or not to remove her veil and he gives her a small nod.

The handhold in the throne room after Alina’s demonstration is absolutely precious, but it’s in a room full of people he should be keeping up a façade for and it’s so unwarranted and yet he does it anyway, I’m-

The way he says “welcome home, Ms. Starkov,” in the most tender voice I’ve ever heard and then goes “ok that’s enough emotions for one day” and then just straight up leaves without even a goodbye.

He has his symbol?? Sewn into Alina’s kefta??? bRo???!?!

Disaster Simp never gets tired of introducing Alina to other people or talking about how she’s the best thing that ever walked this earth.

The Darkling lying: honestly

“I have devoted my life to undoing the great sin of my forebearer, but I am never seen as the solution. Only as a reminder of the problem.” Sasha you were literally the problem. What a manipulative little shit. We love to see it.

The way he closes his eyes and kisses the coin before he makes a wish at the wishing well.

“I think the Grand Palace is the ugliest building I’ve ever seen.” - I love him your honor.

This man has the most intense lines for Alina. Like straight up I would have booked it when he said “you and I are going to change the world”. But then the head grab?! “I’ve been waiting a long time for you.” He’s so intense like sir can you tone it down a bit please I am begging you.

“I shall be right by your side.” / “We can do anything. Together.” / “For us.” / “You cannot do this on your own. And neither can I” / “I want you to know my name. The name I was given, not the title I took for myself. Will you have it, Alina?” - WEDDING VOWS

That scene in the war room when Alina comes to find him and he instantly drops his guard and lowers his arms and welcomes her with a soft voice.

“Am I bothering you?” “Not at all.” - girl you could be stabbing him in the chest and you still wouldn’t be bothering him.

This whipped disaster sounds like the proudest man on the planet when he talks about how much more his enemies fear Alina over him.

His shadows react to his emotions.

“YoUr’E nOt IvAn.” asjlkdfjs god he’s so embarrassing.

Local Dark Lord Sasha offering Alina the throne after she literally tries to kill him.

He gets so jealous of Mal.

Has a great relationship with his soldiers and his men. His men trust him implicitly and believe him to be an amazing general.

When he turns around after Alina puts the kefta on him and looks flustered/has to take a breath because she’s a lot closer than he expected. The way he’s breathless and literally can’t string a sentence together because he’s so distracted by her closeness.

His jokes are absolutely terrible.

GF: *jokes about throwing herself down the stairs to get out of an event* Sasha “no thoughts head empty only Alina” Morozova: haha I’d just have my healers heal you right back up again.

How genuinely touched he is by Alina admitting to wanting to help Grisha and Ravkans.

That scene in Demon in the Woods when he notices the intricate details of the politics in the Grisha camp after one meeting with the Elders. He has the Ulle pegged almost instantly.

Born to be a leader. Born to take care of others. Born to protect. Even in Demon in the Woods he’s protecting people. Even in Demon in the Woods he’s leading them and caring for them.

The way he cups his hands around Alina’s face when they’re kissing.

This man gets so starstruck by Alina walking into the Fete that he doesn’t even excuse himself from the King’s side to go to her.

Long haired Aleksander rights!

Ok I know the wig was kind of ugly but he looks pretty with long hair and I think it would look very good on him naturally.

The way he slams his hands together in the Winter Fete scene and instantly turns the room pitch black.

Literally any times he summons shadows is a blessing and we should all celebrate him for it. They are so beautiful. On god if I ever saw his shadows in real life I would be awestruck.

He asks Mal if he’s okay when they first meet.

The pure, barely contained fury directed at the Conductor for daring to harm Alina and kidnap his Grisha.

He always has to make a grand entrance.

This man is like a bloodhound when it comes to Nina. He is very invested in finding her and I feel like that’s never really talked about.

“I know exactly how she felt. The King’s soldiers treated me the same way. Because they knew- they knew that I was more important than any of them.” - the way he says it, like it’s something he has to remind himself of in his head constantly. a justification for the way he’s been treated, the fear he evokes in others. a way to protect himself from the hurt of being ostracized and reviled. arrogance and conceit as a defense against emotional harm.

Also the way his face instantly changes after that, like he’s said too much. vulnerability. lowering his eyes. shifting his eyes. literally just everything about this scene makes me love him all the more.

Dark carriage rides up to the Crows’ hiding place. Grisha circle the area as Aleksander steps from the carriage slowly, dressed all in black, floofy cloak high on his shoulders. Villain Entrance™

Him slowly pulling a knife out of his chest like it shouldn’t have killed him is hot as fuck and also totally badass. Big dick energy.

“I’ve had enough of your lies.” “And what lies are those?” - Alina, pulling out a fifty mile long scroll of grievances: Well, for starters-

This man is literally just an Alina Starkov compliments machine.

He cares so much about the Grisha and their protection. He loves Ravka and his people so much.

He had an entire cult dedicated to him.

“They would approach him. They always did. But he felt more anxious than usual. He’d stopped trying to make friends in the places he and his mother visited—there was no point when they moved on so quickly. Now he wasn’t quite sure how to go about it.”

Save a Villain. Murder the King.

Openly admits to staging a coup like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

He speaks so slowly. He moves so slowly. Everything he does has to have Purpose and Gravitas.

Theater Nerd™

He knew Nikolai for years and yet couldn’t recognize him as Sturmhond. We do stan an oblivious icon 💕

The Darkling after he gets his ass whooped in Siege and Storm: Mom can you please come pick me up? I’m scared!

He’s here to manipulate sun summoners and murder cities. And unfortunately he’s all out of sun summoners.

Would absolutely get drunk on real alcohol. This man thinks kvas is strong liquor.

Has his wrists exposed exactly one time in the most skin he’s shown all season and it’s when Alina visits him at night in the war room. WHORE!

Was too emotionally slutty and fell for Alina. RIP.

He’s passionate and cold and beautiful and hurt and twisted up in ways nobody could ever hope to understand and he’s stunning.

I would literally kill for this man 🖤✨

[ladyartemesia]

Yooo your love story straight out seems like an e2l slow burn tumblr fic. Do you have any plans using at as a plot?? I would def read it 👀

I don’t know if I would truly call it enemies-to-lovers because—although I got irritated with him and his behavior and did snap at him from time to time—we were not really enemies. In fact we were barely friends for most of the years we knew each other—

Well.

Ok. So that’s not totally true...

We fought online constantly. From the time we graduated college (where his crush first developed and I routinely forgot his name) the two of us were always fighting on social media—usually about politics—and occasionally about other things but both of us were too smart to ever truly get the better of each other so there was a grudging respect, (his mom said he used to yell at his computer screen about me). We had it OUT several times online even though we rarely—if ever—spoke in person.

My poor sweet boy DID get himself in trouble over me in more ways than one though—even if we’re weren’t close yet...

His college girlfriend set him up to fail asked him who he would date if the two of them weren’t together and he answered immediately—vehemently—

“Viola. I would definitely date Viola if I could.”

🤦🏻‍♀️ (oh...honey...no)

(That would become a huge THING in their relationship. Every time they got into a fight his ex would shout “why don’t you just go date VIOLA then?!”—When he married me he said he felt like a real winner in that particular collection of conflicts. Playing the long game I guess 🤣😂)

Back then I was all about the music/dramatic arts scene and I was dating a string of empty headed pretty boys who bored me nigh unto death because I was young and completely stupid.

In contrast my someday-boo was painfully quiet and shy (though not really with me because he was too busy trying to prove me wrong), but everyone who met him or spoke to him really liked him and respected him.

After college we were were still in the same extended social circle (and—as previously mentioned—fighting online), but I went to grad school and my not-yet-husband decided to chill for awhile and take a job as a landscaper while he figured his life out and... here’s where it gets complicated because...

—that’s where the girls came in. You see... he’s always been a really nice guy... maybe a little too nice 🤦🏻‍♀️

The term fuqboi tends to conjure up impressions of a cocky frat bro who slyly shags his way through a mountain of willing women with disconnected efficiency and a subtext of emotional constipation.

But that would not be the case here.

You see my husband is a listener. He’s an INFP. He, unlike many of his brethren, understands emotions and can really make a woman feel seen. Combine that with his good looks, brilliant mind, and broody nerditude and you have a recipe for women who were ‘just friends’ randomly dropping to their knees (and a lot more) for him.

Never one to stand in the way of a lady’s dreams, pre-me-hubby figured that if they were that determined to (*insert miscellaneous sexy stuff here*) with him then—well—he’d let them.

I mean why not, right? No harm done.

Wrong. 🤬

And here is where our paths truly began to merge (in the real world) for the first time.

As the FOURTH girl (just in my friend group) he graciously allowed (🤦🏻‍♀️) to have her wicked way with him sobbed in my arms, I became determined to put this ridiculous man-child IN his PLACE—this time in the tactile world as well as the virtual one.

...Poor Liz

She realized that he had absolutely no desire whatsoever to be in a relationship with anything other than his WoW account and she was insistent that he had broken her heart.

So I cornered him and we had it out. (Call me meddlesome, but to be fair he was four friends deep at this point.)

The problem was that... the more I talked to him...the more he was not really what I expected... I found myself...oddly...intrigued?

Later it would come out that I was the first girl—ever—that he actually pursued. And I was not even aware of it for like the first three months.

He was pretty slick after all when it came down to it.

That man convinced me to ‘help him’ with women—to make sure he didn’t get himself into another situation where some girl with heart eyes was tearing off his clothes and expecting commitment.

HE ASKED ME TO BE HIS ‘EXCUSE.’

🤦🏻‍♀️(...I know. I’m an idiot.)

“We can hang out. You’ll teach me how to spot if a girl is about to catch feelings and take off my pants. And I will have an excuse when they call as to why we can’t hang out” (—and ...they really were always calling. It was wild.)

....I mean he WAS shy! It SEEMED plausible!

So yeah my dim self agreed to it. (🤦🏻‍♀️)

I considered it a valiant attempt to save the rest of my social circle from the most clueless ‘accidental’ fuqboi on planet earth and maybe even an opportunity to teach him how to be a real human being and what not.

And before you think ‘fake dating’—we weren’t. We were just hanging out as friends. You see when I went to yell at him (and chased him down after he laughed at me and tried to escape) we ended up talking in his car for like four hours. And then that happened like three more times randomly so... I... actually... wanted... to be his friend... 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was still 110% not interested romantically.

Your girl (me) was after some bland banker dude (🤦🏻‍♀️) and so I blissfully fell into friendship with my actual soulmate without a single second thought. And I never worried about either of us catching feelings because I had a crush on someone else and he had heavily implied that I was not his type. (He told me later that I just assumed this and he simply never corrected me 🙄)

I don’t remember falling for him. I never decided to. I never thought about it...

But one day after the whole crew was hanging out at a restaurant (and the waiter kept giving me free drinks which may have pissed my once-and-future man off) the two of us went out to his car to have our customary three hour post-chill chat...

I was teasing him about something—some girl he was still attempting to untangle himself from—and I said—as had become my habit (seriously I said this so many times as a joke)—“It’s too bad I’m not your type—you could just tell her you have a girlfriend.”

(Now. I know what you’re thinking. But I was still firmly on team platonic ok! I was just a flirt. And maybe part of me was starting to feel weird things about him—but those feelings weren’t like anything I recognized so I thought I just needed to cut back on sugar or something.)

(Have I mentioned I’m an idiot?)

ANYWAYS he looked me right in the eye. So serious. And instead of saying “that’s too bad”—LIKE he ALWAYS did—he said—

“You...are my type, Viola... You’re exactly my type.”

To which I responded—“....What? No I’m not. You said I wasn’t.”

“Never said that. You assumed.”

“You LET me!”

—followed by a good ten minutes of me having an existential crisis/yelling at him for allowing me to believe he didn’t find me attractive and lulling me into a false sense of security. He was infuriatingly unapologetic.

At the end of it all he asked me to give him—give us—a chance.

And I agreed to go out on a few dates with him (mostly to prove to myself that there was nothing there).

(🤦🏻‍♀️)

The only thing I ended up proving was that I was wrong about what I wanted and even more wrong about what I needed.

You see...

Those weird feelings turned out to be love.

(🤦🏻‍♀️)

And it was a really special experience to sit in a room full of girls who had cried in my arms over him—girls I had lectured repeatedly on the dangers of his heartless ways— and admit that I was his girlfriend.

🤦🏻‍♀️

Love was—and continues to be—nothing like I expected and frankly I couldn’t be happier.

... to answer your questions

1. I have considered writing a fic based on our story called Broken Road. The title is taken from an old Rascal Flatts song that—as insanely cheesy as it is—really reminds me of us. Don’t know if I will actually write this. Thought about it a lot though.

2. Tags I would use for this story?

#enemies-to-lovers / #idiots-to-lovers / #college au / #outgoing!fem reader(me) x shy nerd!accidental fuqboi / #reader is also a huge nerd actually / #she’s just a loud one / #frenemies-to-lovers / #the love is requited / #they’re just idiots / #pining (his) / denial (mine) / #reader has terrible taste in men / #except for that last one / #she really redeemed herself there at the end

[spencers-renaissance]

Fic Rec Bingo!!

So instead of Fic Rec Thursday, I thought I'd do something a little different this week and recommend 25 fics based on this bingo card (although it turned into 26, oops). I kept most of these as CM because that's my blog's focus, but due to the nature of the prompts, there are 5 Marvel (Irondad) ones & 1 Sherlock towards the end!

from @lightveils on twitter, but found posted on tumblr by @cywscross <3

1. A fic with a premise that shouldn't work but does

I never would've thought I'd enjoy a fic with Spencer as a little rebellious shit because it seems so ooc, but I loved this one!

las vegas kid by trashcanbarbie - 1.9k, 1ch, Gen/Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Gambling, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Young Spencer Reid, Teenage Rebellion, Protective Aaron hotchner, Pre-Canon, Father-Son Relationship, Teenage Spencer Reid

JJ raises her eyebrows, “so, you're trying to say counting cards isn't cheating?” “No,” he grins, boyish and charming, “it is.”

2. A fic you've reread several times

Discipline Changes by fullofcrazyness - 1.2k, 1ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Comforting Hotch

Jack stopped and looked at his dad, finally seeing that his dad wasn’t actually angry. Concerned and relieved, but not angry. He was about to say something when he saw someone in the doorway, white as a sheet. “Papa?”

3. A comfort fic

i'm always tired, but never of you by @iamrenstark - 2.2k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Hurt Spencer Reid, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad Derek, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Derek Morgan Needs a Hug, Men Crying, Gunshot Wounds, Blood and Injury

When Spencer figured it out, he was stepping out of the elevator on the bottom floor of Quantico, and he went to tell Derek he loved him like he did every day, but he froze up, because he was afraid he wouldn't hear it back. (Or, Spencer thinks his boyfriend is falling out of love with him.)

4. A cathartic fic

Every Little Transgression by @58thacademic - 1.6k, 1ch, Gen, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sad Spencer Reid, Protective David Ross, Protective Derek Morgan, Mentioned Suicide Attempt, Spencer's Backstory, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-Con, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Episode: s03e16 Elephant's Memory

Ok so. Elephants memory was really good because we got Reid backstory. But I'm still annoyed that he didn't defend himself against Hotch. So this was born.

5. A fic you'd print and put on your bookshelf

One Call Away by GhostInTheBAU - 204k, 32ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Dubious Consent, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Domestic Violence, Rape Recovery, Referenced Past Drug Use, PTSD, Hurt Spencer Reid, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Flashbacks, Healing, Nightmares, Suicidal Thoughts, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Eventual Smut

When Reid's boyfriend attacks him, leaving him broken and bleeding, he calls the first person he thinks of for help. He calls the only person he really wants to see. He calls Hotch.

6. A fic you associate with a song

I associate this fic with The First Thing You See by Bruno Major. I think if you listen to the song, you'll easily see why <3

You Make Waking Up Worth It by @guccifloralsuits - 2.1k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Fluff, Minor Angst, Established Relationship, Morning Routines, Hurt/Comfort, Good Things Happen Bingo

“Morning sweetheart,” Derek says, pausing briefly to ruffle his hand gently through Spencer’s hair. The genius nuzzles into the touch but doesn’t reply. It’s too early for conversation, Morgan knows. Pretty boy may get up earlier than he does, but it takes the younger a lot longer to really wake up.

7. A fic that inspires you

This fic could have been in so many categories because I adore it, but I wouldn't have started writing Rain is a Chance to be Touched without this fic so it definitely belongs here.

Forgive Me For All I Could Not Become by @degrassi-fanatic - 105k, 20ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Angst, Case Fic, Confessions, Complicated Relationships, Near Death Experiences, Friends With Benefits, Smut, Miscommunication

In which Reid has always been good at hiding things. He hid his father's departure and his mother's illness from social services. He hid his addiction from his team. He hid his sexuality from the world. He hid his inappropriate feelings from his boss. That is until he's bleeding out in Hotch's arms, in an abandoned church, in Oklahoma. From there on out, Hotch and Reid learn to make a complete mess out of each other.

8. A fic that brought you on board a new ship

Even though it's unrequited, this was the first fic that really had me going !!! at Penemily <3

Another Wide-Eyed Girl by mallfacee - 2k, 1ch, Gen/Derek Morgan & Penelope Garcia, Penelope Garcia/Emily Prentiss (Unrequited), Coming Out, Internalised Homophobia, Derek Morgan is a Good Friend, Friendship, Gunshot Wounds, Episode: s03e08 Lucky

Derek Morgan is handsome and calls her “baby girl” and smiles at her like she’s the only girl in the room. Penelope Garcia knows she should be swooning and all she can think is that there must be something wrong with her not to react to a man like that giving her all this attention. Two years later she meets Emily Prentiss and understands.

9. A fic you wish could be a movie

Listen, I adore the soulmate trope, and an angsty moreid soulmate movie? Fucking sign me up right now

i need you now but i don't know you yet by @iamrenstark - 3.1k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt Derek Morgan, Mutual Pining, Soulmates, Hurt/Comfort, Buford Mention, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, Season 5

It goes like this; Spencer hasn't spoken to his soulmate since he was ten, didn't know their gender or their name or a single thing about them. Spencer's soulmate doesn't want him, and that's okay.

10. A fic that led to you making friends with the author

I'm doing two because fuck you that's why

This was one of the first fics I read of Adam's and I immediately fell in love with his writing! And I'm pretty sure that we ended up becoming friends after I rec'd it!!

Plum Sauce by @goldencatchflies - 1.5k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Canon Divergence, Fluff, Jealousy, Platonic Morcia, Episode: s07e13 Snake Eyes

Garcia tells Spencer about what she thinks happened between her and Derek. He doesn’t seem too happy about it...

I read this from Syd and absolutely loved it, and like with Adam, we became friends from there! (I mean technically husband and wife, but, y'know. Semantics.)

You Belong With Me by @spencerspecifics - 11.4k, 1ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Song Fic, Getting Together, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pining, Fluff

A fluffy Moreid fic based on You Belong With Me by: Taylor Swift

11. A fic you associate with a place

This reminds me of a chilled Sunday afternoon on my old sofa in my living room, with the fire on in the background. I read it all in one sitting and loved every word <3

Metanoia by @makaylajadewrites - 39k, 16ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Canon Typical Violence, Implied Rape/Non-Con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Established Relationship, Near Death Experiences, Frostbite, Rape Recovery, Suicidal Thoughts, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Autistic Spencer Reid, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, Eventual Happy Ending

Oh, Derek… He couldn’t stand the thought of him bursting in with SWAT in tow, gun at the ready, only to descend those creaky stairs and find his naked, bleeding body, vacated of life, crumbled on a red-stained mattress. The realization that he was going to die at the end of this was catching up to him, but maybe it would be better that way.

In which an unfortunate resemblance to an unsub's victims puts Reid right on his radar.

12. A fic that made you gasp out loud

Gasp out loud might be a *bit* of an overreaction, but this one took me on a rollercoaster and I loved every second of it (all of bau-gremlin's fics will do that to you tbh)

The End by @bau-gremlin - 3.1k, 2ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Graphic Violence, Stabbing, Blood and Injury, Temporary Character Death, Hurt Spencer Reid, Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt Aaron Hotchner, Sleepy Cuddles, Protective Spencer Reid

The famous interview with Chester Hardwick ... except Hotch and Reid get separated and Reid is left alone with Hardwick and a prison-made shiv.

13. A fic you found at the right time

You're Going to be Okay by fullofcrazyness - 2.6k, 1ch, Gen/Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Dark, Suicidal Thoughts, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Sad Spencer Reid, Hurt Spencer Reid, Depression, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending

Spencer was no stranger to depression. His father leaving him, his mother’s episodes, being twelve years old in a Las Vegas high school. All of those things made him very familiar with the illness. “I… I think I need some help.”

14. A fic that you would read a fic of

Chain Reaction by EloquentDossier - 42k, 16ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Alternate Universe, Texting, Dialogue-Only, Text Fic, Self-Esteem Issues, Fluff, Angst, Implied/Referenced Past Drug Use, Canon Divergence, Pining, Oblivious Aaron Hotchner, Happy Ending

A dialogue-only AU in which Hotch texts what he thinks is Rossi's new number but is actually the slightly eccentric stranger whom Hotch knows only as "Spencer." What follows is something neither man could have ever quite expected.

15. A fic that made you laugh out loud

The Bet by @degrassi-fanatic - 1.6k, 2ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Bets & Wagers, Humour, Fluff, Canon Divergence

“Fifty bucks says Hotch writes you up and sends you to sexual harassment sensitivity training.” she declares as she stares him down. Without looking away from her, Reid takes out his own wallet and flips it open to pull out a fifty dollar before placing it down right next to Prentiss’s own money. “Fifty bucks says Hotch will go out with me.”

16. A fic that gave you butterflies

The healing and dynamics in this one is just.... off the charts :')

Who Spencer Reid Loves by @blueberriesandbubbles - 36k, 11ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Rape/Non-Con Elements, Abusive Relationships, Domestic Violence, Abuse, Hurt Spencer Reid, Mutual Pining, Rape Recovery, Healing, Fluff

Derek Morgan has been in love with the resident genius as long as he's known him. When Spencer enters a relationship with a mystery man, Derek is unhappy. He is even more unhappy when he meets this man. Spencer starts acting different and Derek knows something is wrong and he has a feeling its connected to the man Reid is dating.

17. A fic that embodies something you value in life

The utter and total love and devotion in this fic just punches me right in the gut every time I reread it

A Little Fall of Rain by jack_hunter - 4.3k, 2ch, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Angst, Spencer Reid Whump, Autistic Spencer Reid, Major Character Injury, Secret Relationship, Team as Family, Dad Rossi

Morgan crept up behind the doctor and snatched the headphones off of his head, earning a yelp of a protest as he slipped them over his own ears. “Les Mis?” Morgan asked with a quizzical look, “didn’t peg you as the musical type, Pretty Boy.” Spencer snatched the headphones back. “I’ve always loved the theatre and I went to see Les Misérables with-... a friend last Friday.”

18. A favourite AU

The Curious Case of Dr. Reid by severaance - 37k, 10ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Transgender Character, Fluff, Trans Spencer Reid, Light Angst, Getting Together, Developing Relationship, Smut, Insecurity, Happy Ending (Warning for Homophobic & Transphobic Slurs)

"And your names for the order, please?" The barista asked, eyes flickering expectantly between the two before her. "Spencer," she answered, although she was not talking to the barista. "I'm Spencer." The man before her had the same idea. "Derek."

19. A fic you stayed up too late to finish reading

I stayed up one night and read pretty much all the marvel fics this author has written, but this was the last one that I simply could not resist. The next day wasn't pretty :/

The more you say, the less I know by forthenightisdarkandfullofterror - 13.9k, 3ch, Gen/Irondad, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Temporary Amnesia, Protective Pepper Potts, Not Endgame Compliant, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Blood and Violence, Hurt Peter Parker, Whump

Tony wakes up from snapping with amnesia and for the life of him can't remember the kid hanging around, claiming to be 'just an intern'. Feelings get hurt.

20. A fic that made you feel seen

heavy in my bones by hopeless_hope - 4.4k, 1ch, Gen/Irondad, Chronic Pain, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Peter Parker, Whump, Father-Son Relationship, Dad Tony, Worried Tony Stark, Angst, Chronic Illness, 5+1 Things

Five times Peter lied to someone about his chronic pain, and one time he told the truth and got the help he needed.

21. A fic you love without knowing the source material

(I mean this is literally all marvel fics but I'll rec this one because I loved it so much)

the locker room by searchingforstars - 15.5k, 3ch, Gen/Irondad, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Hurt Peter Parker, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Mental Health Issues, Misunderstandings, Arguing, Miscommunication, Crying, Whump, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rape Recovery

Peter's falling apart and he doesn't know how things will ever go back to normal again after Ryder.

22. A fic you've gushed about IRL

Genuinely, this fic is better than most published fiction I've read...

The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle - 220k, 37ch, Gen/Irondad, Hurt/Comfort, Sexual Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse, Alternate Universe, Hurt Peter Parker, Foster Care, Identity Reveal, Slow Build, Disordered Eating, Homelessness

Ben and May divorced before Peter’s parents died, so when Ben is murdered Peter goes into foster care. It takes just a tiny taste of superpowers for Peter to decide he doesn’t want to put up with his horrible foster father anymore—the streets are infinitely more appealing. All he wants is to be Spider-Man anyway.

So he leaves. Simple.

Simple, that is, until Iron Man needs Spider-Man’s help. Peter isn’t about to turn down an opportunity to fight alongside Tony Freaking Stark, but he also isn’t going to let his hero know that his recruit is a fifteen-year-old homeless dropout. So they strike a deal. Peter will help Tony. In return, the mask stays on. And that’s when things get complicated.

23. A fic you still remember many years later

The Transport Series by ancientreader - 135k, 2 works, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Backstory, Canon Drug Use, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Physical Disability, AU, Important Character Death, First Time, Developing Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM, Humour, Fluff

How to become a consulting detective. // Jim's lessons are hard to unlearn.

24. A fic with a line or two that you've memorised by heart

"He has held up buildings and nuclear bombs and whole entire countries on his back. Peter’s body is the heaviest thing he’s ever held."

when my body won't hold me anymore (where will I go) by @madasthesea - 4.4k, 2ch, Gen/Irondad, Temporary Character Death, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Father-Son Relationship, Hurt Peter Parker, Crying, Forehead Kisses, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Medical Inaccuracies, Hugs, Platonic Cuddling

But he knows. He knows. He can feel it. Peter’s dead. Peter Parker watches as Tony carefully arranges his limbs on a cot. “Mr. Stark,” he tries for the dozenth time. No one hears him.

25. Free Space

And to round it off, we have to celebrate the fic that really and truly welcomed me into the CM fanfic world...

Chanel by @4x24 - 24k, 7ch, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Getting Together, Spencer Wears Makeup, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Typical VIolence, Humour, Fluffy Ending, Pining, Smut Heavy

Penelope mentions offhandedly one night that she thinks Spencer might look good in makeup. Spencer takes the suggestion to heart. Derek likes the new look - and Spencer - more than he probably should. (Season 4)

[kodzukenscorner]

Bokuto, Iwaizumi, Atsumu, and Ushijima when you have a nightmare

anon asked: Hello, I love your Tumblr! 😍 Please I have a request for Iwaizumi, Bokuto, Miya Atsumu and Ushijima. Their S / O having a big nightmare after seeing a horror movie with them. 😨😱 How would they react?

a/n: doing this one for Bokuto’s birthday today!! <33

wc: 1,377

✶   ✶   ✶   ✶   ✶

Bokuto

The absolute cuddliest boy you will ever meet

Always insists on being near you, attached to you in some way shape or form

He just loves feeling you close to him so it’s no surprise at all that he is attached to you like glue when you sleep together

He doesn’t care if he’s big or little spoon, as long as he can hold you close

Sometimes he really likes little spoon so he can lay his head on your chest and feel your heartbeat

But tonight he woke up to your legs kicking at him

It wasn’t hard enough to actual hurt, but just enough to pull him out of his slumber

When he opened his eyes he could feel the way your heart was beating much too fast

It wasn’t at all like your normally calm heartbeat that so easily lulled him to sleep

When he glanced up at your face he saw how it was scrunched up in distress and sat up with a pout on his face

Very gently, he started tapping your cheek and calling your name, coaxing you out of your nightmare

When you finally opened your eyes you reached out for him, quickly wrapping your body around his

He hugged you so tightly, like he thought you would disappear if he didn’t hold on for dear life

“It was just a dream, don’t worry, you’re safe!”

At this point, as worried as Bokuto was, he knew he had to be cheerful and strong for you

He hated seeing you so distraught

“I’m sorry Kou, the movie just really scared me” You said into his chest

“It scared me too! I had this really funny dream though, that the crazy guy was chasing me with a banana instead of an axe!”

You couldn’t help but laugh, he always knew how to put you at ease

He proceeded to tell you the details of his comedic dream while you stared lovingly at him, all your fears melting away

You were so lucky to have him in your life

Iwaizumi

Sleeping with Iwa is usually so peaceful

He isn’t normally very cuddly in public, he finds it embarrassing, but when the two of you are alone, he insists on having you in his arms

And when you’re asleep, he likes to hold you close to his chest

He is pretty much always big spoon because he prefers to have you nestled up against him

Usually you loved it because he’s like a radiator, always so warm and comfortable and you feel so safe with him

Unfortunately this time you made the mistake of watching a horror movie just before bed

So instead of dreaming sweetly of your boyfriend you were more focused on out running the maniac who was chasing you with murder in his eyes

In your dream state you found yourself pushing away your boyfriend in fear and he was woken up by your strange actions

He could tell from the expression on your sleeping face that you were definitely having a nightmare

He immediately pulled you back towards him and started whispering in your ear

“Babe? Babe, wake up, it’s just a nightmare, I’m right here”

The sound of his deep, raspy voice was enough to pull you out of your nightmare as you woke up panting in his arms

He buried your head into his chest and started shushing you, rubbing your back comfortingly

You were so choked up and at a loss for words that you just held onto him until your breathing finally steadied

When he felt your breathing even out, he pulled away just enough to look you in the eyes and give you a soft kiss on the forehead

He brought a hand up to stroke your cheek as he asked what was wrong 

“Ok that’s the last time we watch a scary movie before bed” You nodded at his firm words and went to place your face into his neck

“And don’t push me away okay? I’m here whenever you need me” He muttered in a much softer voice

“I’m sorry Hajime, I love you” You mumbled, already falling back asleep

“I love you too”

Atsumu

When he sleeps, he has to have his arm around you in some way

He doesn’t always do close cuddling or spooning, but even if you have your space, he still slings an arms over your waist

He’s just very protective and touchy and can’t seem to keep his hands to himself 

Why would he want to though when he has you at his side

But he’s a pretty heavy sleeper, so it takes a lot to wake him up

Which is why he didn’t notice the way you kept squirming around and why he didn’t hear the little sounds coming from your mouth

It wasn’t until you finally jolted awake from your nightmare, sitting upright in bed did he finally crack his eyes open

He was surprised to see you sitting up and just as he was about to ask you what was wrong, he saw the tears on your cheeks

He immediately sat up and put a tentative hand on your shoulder

You jumped a little at the sudden contact but when you saw it was your very concerned boyfriend, you pulled him closer

You cried into his shoulder as he held you tightly, whispering sweet nothings in your ear

He eventually pushed you away enough so that he could wipe away your tears and he wanted to ask what had scared you so much

But he knew you well enough to know that the movie from earlier in the night was the reason for it

So he didn’t bother forcing you to talk about it and instead pressed his lips to yours 

“I’m right here baby, not goin anywhere” He whispered against your lips as your tears finally ceased

You nodded and gave him another quick peck before pulling him to lie down with you again

This time, instead of just an arm around your torso, he held you close against him like you were the most precious thing in the world

In Atsumu’s arms there was no way any nightmares would get you

Only sweet dreams about the cocky man right beside you

Ushijima

A lot like Atsumu, Ushijima isn’t the cuddliest sleeper

He’ll sometimes spoon you and when he does he is always big spoon

But normally you guys both just have your space, or he just has a hand resting on your back

But he is very protective of you so the second he feels you tossing and turning in bed he’s awake

He saw the way you had a stressed out expression on your face and knew you were probably having a nightmare

He already knew it was from the horror movie you had insisted on watching before bed even though he advised against it

But he wasn’t going to scold you right now, that could wait for the morning

Now he was going to do everything he could to make you feel better

He didn’t want to wake you in case you had a hard time falling back asleep so instead he moved closer to you, encapsulating your body in his arms

He held you in place and stopped your incessant turning

Once you had stopped moving he started kissing your head and temple as he moved his way down your face, placing chaste kisses on your forehead, nose, cheeks, and jawline

Soon he felt your heavy breathing slow down to deep, steady breaths

After a few moments of silence he could tell from the way your face relaxed and the tension in your body slipped away that your nightmare had faded away

He could have pulled away and let you sleep comfortably on your own now that you weren’t having a nightmare but he didn’t want to

He decided that he enjoyed having you in arms to make sure that you stayed safe 

So he settled your head into his neck and breathed in the scent of your hair

The two of you did not move from your position until you woke up the next morning

“How did you sleep?” He asked when your eyes fluttered open

“Great” You smiled at him

[cellsshapedlikestars]

Robot Jon! ☺️

(ok, I've been off tumblr for a few days, but I went on early this morning and had an ask with a bunch of prompts because I said I'd be taking a break from my Bachelor fic - which is true, if not for another 3 chapters yet. I haven't answered that ask because I'll lose it and therefore the prompts, but it reminded me that I still had two prompts left from when I asked for them back in... December? I'm the worst. Anyway, I re-looked at those prompts, saw this one, and then couldn't stop thinking about it. So I'm coming out of my vague tumblr hiatus to write this.)

Thank you, as always, for the prompt!

.

Sansa has never liked amusement parks.

The sun that always burned her, no matter how diligent mom was about reapplying sunscreen; the fried food that always made her sick; the crowds and the noise and having to walk everywhere. But the worst part was the rides – oh, she didn't mind some of them, like the Ferris wheel or the teacups; she could even handle the swing ride. The problem was that the rest of her family wanted to go on the horrible rides – roller coasters, haunted houses, swinging ships; the ones that go fast and drop you from a million feet in the air. And since it was hard enough wrangling the amount of children in their group to begin with, it was impossiblefor one adult to split off with Sansa, who alone wanted to ride the gentler ones.

And so, it's sort of ironic that she works at an amusement park now.

She may not have a taste for most of the rides in the park, but she is good at designing them – not the actual rides, but the aesthetics of them. It's her (and her team's) job to come in after the engineers and the builders and take a bare-bones ride and turn it into an experience. She loves her job – she loves watching children exit one of her rides with glowing faces and excitement in their eyes.

Today, she also gets to do one of her favorite aspects of the job, which is costume design. The animatronic models have already been installed, and when she enters the new Dance of Dragons ride, she can already see the scene taking shape in her mind. The concept art has already been drawn up, it's already being advertised – a medieval world that everyone knows is meant to capitalize on the stunning success of the Aemon the Dragonknight series (which her employer does not own the rights to, much to their dismay). But concept art is one thing – reality is another, and it's not until the ride is complete that she can start to truly see it come together in her mind.

“Oh good, you're here,” Margaery Tyrell sighs dramatically as she comes to meet Sansa's team. Margaery is in charge of Marketing and PR for this ride and Sansa knows it's a big responsibility, so she's been even more high maintenance than usual. Margaery walks her through the ride that Sansa has seen so many times in drawings.

“This is our Aemon,” Margaery slaps a hand against the shoulder of one of the animatronic models. “Although we can't call him Aemon. Copyright and all that.”

Sansa looks at the robot and she's struck for a moment how lifelike he is. A lot of the animatronics aren't this detailed, though she guesses this one is because of how close to the ride it is.

“He's handsome, right?” Margaery flashes her a grin and there's something in her eyes that Sansa can't quite place. (Well, she can, it's mischief, Sansa just can't tell why it's there.)

“I guess, in the way that cartoons can be handsome,” Sansa laughs and takes another look at the model – the somber grey eyes, dark curly hair, and an equally dark beard. “You even gave him abs,” she points down at the robot's chest which does, indeed, have a very detailed set of abs. “Am I supposed to leave him shirtless?”

“Oh, no, obviously we want realism, like we talked about,” Margaery waves her hand dismissively. “We just couldn't help ourselves when we put in the order.” Sansa shoots her a confused look, which only gets a delighted laugh out of Margaery. “I'm guessing you don't recognize him?”

“Recognize who?”

Margaery gestures at the animatronic. “Jon!” At Sansa's blank stare, Margaery rolls her eyes. “Jon Snow?”

The name sounds familiar and it takes her a second to place it. “The engineer?”

“Duh! Seven hells, don't tell me you've never actually seen him?”

Sansa shakes her head – she usually comes in well after the engineers have done their part.

“Mormont let him take the lead on this project and he's so... ugh,” Margaery makes a noise that's half frustration, half delight. “So serious all the time. But somehow likable? It's infuriating, really. And no one should be that attractive for a nerd.”

“So... does he know you made him into a robot?”

“He does not,” Margaery grins. “We're all just dying for him to come in for an inspection and see it. In fact,” she pulls out her phone and checks the time, “if you wait around for a bit, you'll get to see it happen.”

Sansa shakes her head and they continue on through the set, Sansa writing down notes in her trusty notebook that she always carries with her. Lists of costumes, set pieces. She'll need to bring in Asha later to discuss the lighting options (right now the dark ride is lit with spotlights, giving the whole place a surreal atmosphere).

Margaery eventually leaves her to it and Sansa loses herself in going over the set inch by inch with Gilly and Mya following along with her. She's so lost in thought that Mya has to shake her arm to bring her back to reality, and they turn to see a group of what has to be engineers standing in the main Great Hall set.

“Oh come on, Jon,” Margaery is giggling as a man who must be Jon stands, staring at the animatronic. He's scowling at it, hands tight around the pile of binders in his arms that are... well, ok, Sansa can understand now why Margaery made the robot so well muscled.

Sansa edges closer to the scene, and she can see that his fellow engineers are laughing – one of them is red-faced from trying to hold it in while another is actively wiping tears from his eyes.

“It's already made,” Margaery says in response to whatever Jon had grumbled to her. “Replacing it would be an irresponsible waste of funds. Oh! And here's the team that will be styling you... I mean, styling not-Aemon because that's copyright infringement.”

Jon looks up and the scowl drops from his face.

“This is Sansa, Mya and Gilly are over there.”

“Hi,” Sansa greets and Jon shifts his binders into one arm and then holds out his hand for her to shake (she can feel her face heating up and she hopes the dark hides it). “I promise to try and do you justice.” She regrets her words immediately, especially when she sees a slow grin spread over Margaery's face. “Though it doesn't totally look like you,” she continues on to try and backtrack. “It... doesn't have glasses?”

She wants to sink into the floor in embarrassment, but the gods are not that kind. At least she doesn't spout out how much she likes his glasses. Maybe Margaery is right – no one who clearly cares so little about their appearance should be this attractive. His beard needs a trim, his outfit is painfully unstylish, his hair is pulled back into a bun. All of it should add up to something she hates, but she just... doesn't.

(And honestly, Margaery's description of nerd isn't so far off the mark, but Sansa finds this isn't a detriment – in fact, she might be more attracted to him because of the glasses and the multitude of thick binders organized with labels and tabs that he's got tucked under his arm.)

“I'd also hope real Jon isn't built like a Ken doll,” one of the other engineers barks out a laugh and points at the animatronic, which, yes, does not have any reproductive anatomy.

“Gods,” she hears Jon whisper, and the hand that he had used to shake hers comes up and covers his eyes. “This is a nightmare.”

“Stop being so dramatic,” Margaery sighs and pats him on the shoulder. “Now, why don't you take Sansa around and make sure she's really taken care of, hmm?” At the words, Sansa feels her face heat even further and Jon drops his hand from his eyes and glares at Margaery. “I just mean,” Margaery grins, not even trying to pretend the innuendo wasn't on purpose, “it might help the design if she has a good understanding of the mechanics. I know there's some new things on this ride we haven't had before, you could show her.”

Jon opens his mouth, but doesn't get a chance to speak, because Margaery barrels on. “Sam, Grenn, you can chat with Gilly and Mya while that's happening. And I... well, I'll just be over here, minding my own business.”

With that, Margaery walks away and the other two engineers – Sam and Grenn, she guesses – head over to where the rest of her team stands, watching from afar.

“You don't have to,” Sansa starts, but Jon quickly turns from glaring at Margaery's back to her and his face settles into something less... scowly.

“I don't mind,” he says quickly and maybe it's the low lighting in here, but she thinks the tips of his ears are red.

“Perfect,” she gives him her best smile, which seems to throw him even more off balance and... and she thinks she could get used to throwing Jon Snow off balance.

[reidetic]

The Pantheon: The War or The World? - A.H

A/N: This is the second installment in ‘The Pantheon’ series. You can find the first, Golden, here. Big shout out to @zhuzhubii for their dialogue help and @ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff and a discord friend (who’s tumblr I cannot tag fsm) for beta-ing both stages of this fic. This about to get real dark, y’all. Heed the content warnings.

CW/TW: Murder, violence, general angst, did you hear me about murder?

Couple: None, gen fic.

Category: Angst

Word Count: 1.8k

War. Violence. Anger, malevolence, fury. Aaron was familiar enough with them all. Over a decade in the Behavioral Analysis Unit and he had seen nothing but the wrath of mankind, spilled over from held tongues. Everything stems from fear and terror, and he would go to the grave swearing he fathered the abstract. He felt he left destruction behind him in a wake of combat, and failed to keep his fists from their fury. 

He hadn’t held his rage against Foyet, and it terrified him to no end that he held no regrets about it. If you spend your waking hours chasing the entities of psychopathy, do you not worry that one stumble will place you among the pack? Will the darkness that now inhabits him be his fall from grace? What would he teach his son about the world if he collapsed beneath it? 

He’d be lying to himself if he said the pressure only began after she left. Aaron knew a lot of things when he was young, but the lesson he never quite learned was how to slow down, and life stepped in quickly enough. Her name on his lips burned like fire for months after, only ever calling her Mom to Jack, never once braving the knowledge that the only woman he had given a piece of himself to was now gone, and he had absolutely no one to blame but himself. He still remembers the grip of Derek’s hands around his arms as he pulled him away from the fatality beneath him, still remembers the blood staining his fingernails. There is only so much evil soap can erase. 

Sometimes he felt like the Devil studied the blueprints of his life for ideas, and then he remembered that it’s only him that creates the wars waging on the homefront. How long can he sit here in the dark, touching the floor in their home where his wife’s blood stained the wood? He hadn’t been here in years, but he needed to be here, he needed to feel her again. The blonde underneath him wasn’t Haley, no, but she was close enough. She bore just enough resemblance to his wife and son to justify stealing her away, but just was different enough to let his fist close around her throat. Too fragile to fight him off, she never stood a chance, not when he’s creating his own bloodshed. The blood running from her eyebrow where his wedding ring had sliced her skin open simply pushes him over the edge, and when her body stops writhing under his closed hand, he realizes he has no idea what her name is. 

Maybe he was born with this brutality, perhaps he never stood a chance against the test of time. After all, he wasn’t just chasing killers, he was learning from them too. Cold, calculated, planned. Premeditated, wasn’t that what they called it? He watched her for weeks, needed to know that she would fulfill his fantasy, his need. He made sure she was alone, no children or husbands left behind. Not just to eliminate witnesses, but because Aaron had been on the side of that losing fight. He wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy. This is just his conflict, this is just his deserved combat. No one would be surprised if he snapped, would they? It was all he knew, it was ever-consuming and at the end of it, he’d be lucky to have even a fragment of a soul left. Emily had warned him once about keeping everything so far shoved down that you lose the ability to distinguish between yourself and your trauma.

There was so much darkness, so much fear. He was so tired of holding everything on his shoulders. So he found a way to put it down, he found a way to try to heal. He had to make it right. He had to give Haley another chance to die, and maybe this time it would be right. 

--

There hadn’t been a break in this case for months. Women disappearing then reappearing mangled and murdered, always a different MO, their only common thread was victimology. Blonde single women, never anyone to miss them other than their work. 

“Hey, I hate to say this but...these women, they all look like Haley.” JJ says tentatively, glancing at the tacked up photos of the victims.

An unnerving quiet falls over the room as the team looks at JJ, a mixture of resignation and horror painting their faces. 

Rossi nods with a pained look. “They do. And...Aaron fits the profile.”

Spencer looks up and adds quietly, “And he took off work for three weeks when the killings started.”

“No, he wouldn’t. Not Hotch.” Morgan stands and shakes his head. “I still think it’s Evans.” 

Rossi sighs. “Evans has an alibi, Morgan. Aaron doesn’t.” 

Morgan scoffs, looking to anyone for help and settles on Emily. “Prentiss, you really believe this?”

She sighs, looks up at him and says, “I’m sorry Derek, he fits the profile perfectly. We always say profilers make the best unsubs.”

“Damn the profile! They can be wrong. We’ve been wrong before.” Morgan pleads, looking around the room for someone on his side.

“Look, why don’t we just go to his house? If I’m right, then we bring him in. If we’re wrong, then we’re just checking on him. Okay?” JJ reasons.

“You can waste your time all you want, but I’m going to talk to Evans.” Morgan seethes, looking to Spencer. “You coming with me, kid?” Spencer just nods, throws JJ an apologetic glance, and grabs his jacket and vest, following Morgan out of the room.

“I’ll go with you, JJ. Prentiss, stay behind and keep in contact with Garcia, just in case.” Rossi instructs. JJ nods, and they head in the opposite direction of Morgan and Spencer, and JJ prays she’s wrong about this.  

--

Prying open the door to Hotch’s house, JJ shakes her head. This isn’t how she wanted this to end. She tiptoes through the room, Rossi following behind her while they work to clear the area. As they go upstairs, she starts to hear crying.

Toeing open the bedroom door, JJ calls through, “Hotch?” She sees him, hunched over a blonde woman, blood pooling on the carpet between his knees. “Hotch!” He still isn’t responding, sobs wracking through his body. “...Aaron?” She tries, pitching her voice down. 

He turns to look at her then, no sign of recognition on his face. He looks broken and battered. He still doesn’t look like a murderer.

Meeting his eyes, she says, “Aaron, it’s JJ. We can help you but I need you to put the knife down.” The heart beating inside her chest is so much less scared than it is breaking in half to watch this man she called family die. 

He turns to her, blood on his outstretched hands and a sad smile on his face. “You’re here, you’re finally here.” 

Confused, JJ cocks her head to the side, gun still trained on him.“I’m...here?” She asks.

He lurches towards her, knife in hand.“I missed you so much.” He swipes a blood covered hand under his eye to wipe away the tears, and JJ’s stomach curdles at the sight.

Rossi takes a step forward to meet JJ, and says quietly, “Aaron, stay back.” Hotch doesn’t seem to hear him, staring directly at JJ.

Unsure of what’s happening, JJ decides to lean into it, in the hopes that making him feel understood would avoid casualties. “I...missed you too.”

He gestures behind him to the still body, and says, “I did it, see? I finally got it right!” He’s shouting, and his happiness is unnerving.

JJ steps forward a little, staring at him. “Aaron...I’m sorry, but I don't understand. Could you...explain it to me?” Maybe even in this state, he’s still sane enough to be logical. Maybe.

Hotch barks a bitter laugh, “Foyet, he didn’t do it right. He…disgraced you.” You? All of a sudden JJ realizes what’s happening and she chokes back tears. She’s not Haley, but she can be for a minute if it protects him.

She softens her voice, holsters her gun and steps forward with her hands up. “I’m...I’m here now. And I've missed you so much. Why don't you put the knife down, and then-”

He shakes his head violently, sweat and tears flying off his face.“It’s too late.” He’s muttering to himself and JJ can’t understand the words under his breath.

JJ swallows thickly. “What do you mean? I’m here, it’s ok-” 

He cuts her off abruptly, waving the knife at the girl behind him dismissively. “She's already gone. She’s already gone.” He looks up through tears and smiles sadly at JJ, at the figure of his late wife in front of him. “...I got you back, though. You're here. You're here and I...-” He breaks down in sobs, sinking to his knees and clutching the knife to his chest. 

 JJ steps closer, looking down at him in pity. “That's right, I’m here. And everything will be okay, I just need you to put the knife down. Can you do that for me, Aaron? Put the knife down.”

He looks up at her, dropping the knife to the floor with a loud clatter and JJ drops to her knees, wrapping her arms around the broken man before her and they’re both crying. “I’m so sorry, Haley.” She just shushes him, pulling him up to his feet.

“I gotta cuff you now, Hotch. It’s for your own good.” Rossi has tears in his eyes, pulling the silver metal from his belt and clasping it around Hotch’s wrists. It’s then that the illusion shatters, and he sees what he’s done. JJ leans down and presses her fingers to the inside of the girl’s wrist, searching for a pulse, but it’s useless. Like he said, it was too late. She was already gone. 

“JJ?” Hotch asks pitifully. “What did I do?” He looks so tired, so crushed.

“I don’t know, Aaron. But we’ll fix it.” She’s still got slow tears rolling down her cheeks, and she takes him from Rossi, guiding him down the stairs and out the front door where the rest of the team is waiting, the looks on their faces a mixture of fear and disgust and pity.

War was ever-consuming. War within, war in the world he struggled to hold up on his shoulders. He could never decide if he saw himself more as Ares or Atlas, never could deify himself in the way he was expected to. Head of the unit, head of his remaining household, head of his world. And yet, he chose war every time. This time, the blood on his fingertips was no longer metaphorical, but the weight of the world fell off. As he’s pulled away from his home, he sees JJ and Jessica huddled over his son, and he wonders if what he’s done is worth the weightlessness. 

taglist: @ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff @andiebeaword @dreatine​ @muffin-cup​ @httpnxtt​ @sunlight-moonrise​  @samanddeanstolethetardis221b​ @spencer-reid-in-a-pool​ @fanficlibrary82​ @zhuzhubii​ @prettyricky187​ @reidlusts​ 

[chalkrevelations]

Huh.

Well, this is not the next episode reaction you were expecting, but a while back, in the middle of the night, while I was ready to cry from working on a pharmacology paper, out of nowhere, Youtube threw up Street Dance of China S3 Ep1 at me. And yeah. I am, admittedly, f’kn weak for a dance show. (There are enough SYTYCD episode reax on my old Livejournal that I feel there’s no point denying this.)

So – no, actually, wait. FIRST of all, I do NOT believe the “towel vote” we ended up being given for the opening routines from the four captains. That was the most blatant bit of bullshit chicanery I’ve seen in my LIFE, and I say this as a person with a ton of SYTYCD episode reax on my old Livejournal, and I also say this not because Wang Yibo ended up last (well, not entirely), but because I saw Wallace Chung’s routine. As someone closer in age to him than to the other three captains, I have to give him props for trying, but come on, man. The critique that Yibo got from random contestants – if the subtitles are to be believed, so I realize this needs a grain of salt - basically boiled down to “it was too good for the stage lighting.” :hands: Also, I saw your face at the reveal, Wallace, and you were as shocked as I was. No way you got more towels/votes than Wang Yibo. Not unless there’s some super wild undercurrent of nostalgia propping you up, which, I guess could happen, because literally all I know about pop culture in China, current or otherwise, is filtered through Tumblr and Youtube, both notoriously suspect, but … anyway. There’s got to be a TON of behind-the-scenes manipulation going on for Yibo to be rock-bottom with last pick of teams but then also to end up with THAT pool of possibles. Are you kidding me with this?

ANYWAY, what I wanted to say is that I actually really like Wang Yibo here, and it’s not just because he’s the only captain I have even a sliver of familiarity with, and it’s not just because Lan Wangji was banging Wei Wuxian. I do realize all of this is influenced by whatever edit they’ve decided to give a particular captain or contestant, but I’m impressed with the way Yibo immediately starts team building by getting his group into a warmup, getting them dancing together, getting them dancing with him before they have to worry about dancing for him. (I mean, come on, Jackson Wang. The way to get people to stop being nervous is not to say “Stop being nervous! It will make you fuck up!”) The way Yibo immediately recognized and responded to his group’s concerns about that one dude copying someone else’s routine probably also bought him a lot of return investment. He’s dressed to work it, in his sweats and his flannel (what IS that fake-leather TAC vest and random leg holster-looking thing, Jackson Wang?). He’s convincing me he really loves to dance, he can’t hold still while he watches the contestants, he’s wandering over into other captains’ turf when it sounds like there’s a dancer performing who he might like to see, he’s being the best Yibo he can be, and I’m grooving along, wind in my hair, totally down for this ride. He’s also adorable at the beginning when all the other captains are like, my goal for this season is to slaughter the competition and dance on their graves! And he’s like, well, I’d like to … make some friends? And learn some new stuff? I don’t know if the perpetual Humble Student schtick is natural or persona, or whether it’s general or specific to dancing, but it’s working for you, my dude. This is also made better (read: ironic), by the fact that it’s immediately before the towel reveal, when he flips over to utter disbelief and gets all sulky for a while over the “fact” that his dance routine got the least votes.

Also, OH WAIT. This is where that clip of Yibo dancing with his crew ALL OVER HIM came from that I saw floating around a few months ago, isn’t it? You’re telling me those guys had never danced together before and had like, three minutes to throw together that routine? I’m even more impressed than before. Meanwhile, the towels symbolize courage and challenge, Mr. Emcee? OK, fine, cheesy reality show blah blah whatever. Can we get to the dancing now?

I’m going to put the rest of this behind a cut, because it got super long, because it turns out, when you watch in 5-minute increments, it takes two and a half weeks to get through a single episode, but you actually can see and have opinions on all 5,328 contestants, plus every single one of the captains’ battles. Meanwhile, I’m trying to convince myself this is not going to be another series of episode reactions, but 1) I do have the benefit of not having a ton of hometown media giving me a next-day play-by-play, so even though this is six months old, everything’s a surprise; 2) I am, admittedly, f’kn weak for a dance show; and 3) it’s easy to watch in 5-minute increments between researching drug interactions in hypothetical hypertensive patients with stable ischemic heart disease, erectile dysfunction, and seasonal allergies. So, I guess we’ll see. It’ll be slow going, though, because I don’t ever have two and half hours to sit down and watch an ep cover-to-cover – if it happens, it will likely keep happening in 5-minute increments. Meanwhile, there is a metric shit-ton of nattering below the cut, so caveat lector. No, seriously, I kept adding to this little by little until it became a monster. Hashtag long post (remorseful).

OK, I am generally out of my depth here, as this is not at all my area of dance not-really-expertise, but some reactions:

Team Wang Yibo: I can see why he didn’t want to choose between Colin and Dian Men – Colin might have been a touch better technically and a better showman, but Dian Men didn’t seem to have a single wasted move – but, also, my dude. Yibo. You maybe should look a little bit less stunned and overwhelmed by the mere presence of Colin, it’s giving me ideas about your taste in men. Continuing with the powerhouses, I probably shouldn’t even attempt to critique Klash, but I did feel like he was a bit stiff in some of his footwork; that final V kick, though, shit, that’s what having that kind of upper-body strength is for. Bouboo … I mean, excellent flexibility and control, of course, but mainly I’m just terribly amused that Yibo got last pick of teams but somehow ended up with the guy who’s literal world champion, and who’s just as useful for getting into the other captains’ heads – without even trying – as he is for his talent. And then there’s a montage of Yibo giving out towel after towel after towel, and my dude, you cannot keep up this pace. There are still too many dancers to see, and you don’t have that many towels. AAANNNND Towel Battle #1 (See Footnote 1).

Team Jackson Wang: I do like Gai Gai, although that may be influenced by the fact she’s working in the twilight area between hip-hop and contemporary that I have more familiarity with - but also, I suspect she’s pretty good in her genre. I thought Xiao Jie was inconsistent and didn’t stick the landing on his initial attempt, so I have to give you that hesitation, Jackson, even though you’ve somehow ended up the villain in my inner narrative for this show, for no particular reason I can yet discern. Maybe it’s that you’re the direct competition for Yibo’s team in the towel battles. Good enough. Anyway, Xiao Jie definitely stepped up his game for the battle with Bingo, so I can kind of see why both of them got a towel, but we’re not even halfway through this, and most of y’all are giving away towels like you have an endless supply. Yang Kai is a fucking menace with fantastic musicality, and I’m just gonna say it and take the fallout - I think he gave a better performance first time out of the gate than any of Yibo’s powerhouses did. Whatever power Klash has got, whatever skill Bouboo has got, Yang Kai feels more explosive and engaging, at least in these initial showings. He’s going to be one to beat, I’d hug him too, if he was on my team and was going to help me WIN. Yibo’s probably lucky that happened during his little stroll over to check out the competition, so that he can see they’re definitely competitive and be prepared for it. Also, Jackson, I have to admit - that face you made when Chao really kicked in? That was the same face I made, because wt actual f, you have a literal secret weapon – secret because he CAME FROM NOWHERE and NO ONE EVEN KNOWS him, how is that even possible, how did he get that good – fluid, creative, controlled, incredible musicality - without anyone having any idea who he even is? And then there’s a montage of Jackson just giving out towel after towel after towel, and my dude, you need to slow down. You can’t just be like, “THEY LOVE DANCE WITH ALL OF THEIR WHOLE HEARTS!!!!1111!!!!11!” I get it, but everyone there loves dance with all of their whole hearts, and there are not enough towels to send all of them on to the next round. ANNNND, Towel Battle #1 (See Footnote 1).

Team Lay Zhang: lol at how diplomatic you’re being, Lay Zhang – your team’s fierce roar startled you, OK. At this point, I suspect you’re the street most likely to have a knife fight break out before this is all over. I do like Alex, I think he’s got a lot of interesting, super-clean details in his moves, and he’s engaging - I cannot BELIEVE you made him battle that dude whose moves were so mushy, Lay Zhang, it leaves me doubting your ability to judge this thing. At first I thought maybe you were just looking for an excuse because you wanted to see Alex freestyle, but then you actually said something about both dancers being equal, and my estimation of you plummeted, and also sadly, my sound dropped out for the actual battle, including the part where the clearly inferior dancer fell over and then accidentally POPPED ALEX ONE IN THE EYE, and I TOLD YOU SO. I do agree it’s a good idea to make dancers in the same genre do some battling, so you can kind of plan out your towels and put together a team with broad strengths, instead of giving out towels like you’re making it rain for the first 20 contestants, and then you have 1,375 more people to get through, with 3 towels left, as EVERYONE ELSE seems to be doing, so it’s nice that at least one of you guys is thinking – if not actually acting - strategically. That was clearly not even a contest, though, GIVE ALEX HIS TOWEL and send him to the next round. Xiao Bao is hilarious, with his concern that his team captain, who’s into krump, which is “beating,” isn’t going to appreciate his waacking, which is “slapping.” I also don’t know a whole lot about waacking, so thanks for the primer, Xiao Bao, and don’t worry, your performance is just as engaging for those of us who don’t know what we’re watching as you are generally. You deserve that towel for your ability to interact with and engage your audience, alone. Lingo is a good solid performance, although he’s got his team captain strategizing edited over some of it, and here’s the thing: we are 1:56:00 into this, at this point, with another half hour to go, and all of you are starting to disappear into the sea of dancers who are very good at what you do, but at generally the same level? Anyway, Lingo, I approve of your ability to interact with your audience (read: your captain) to ensure engagement, too, so keep that up. Annnd, we actually haven’t seen that much of you guys, but it’s time for Towel Battle #2 (See Footnote 2).

Team Wallace Chung: I’m glad Su Lian Ya insisted on performing, I thought she started off slow but warmed up, and that ending was creepily fantastic and had me spontaneously grinning at the screen in delight. Then we lose sight of this group for a really long time, actually. We go back to find Wallace putting through a couple of urban dancers who we barely see, but who apparently claim to have some choreography experience, and he really likes that. TI shows up, and they’re solid, but honestly, not as good in this performance as they were in some of the stock footage the show threw up to introduce them, but Wallace remains super-excited about the idea of choreography and sends at least choreographer Zhang Jiang Peng through to the next round. And then, we really haven’t seen that much of you guys, either, which maybe doesn’t bode well, but it’s time for Towel Battle #2 (See Footnote 2).

FOOTNOTE 1, aka TOWEL BATTLE ONE, Team Yibo vs. Team Jackson, 3V3 freestyle: First of all, I have to say, I love Yibo - Mr. I Just Wanna Make Some Friends And Have Some Fun - being all, “I have three crappy white towels I’m stuck with for coming in last place that I can’t use to send dancers to the next round and that I DO NOT DESERVE, and I am getting BACK the colorful towels that ARE RIGHTFULLY MINE. I am coming for whoever is in my way.” Team Yibo is Bouboo, Klash, Dian Men, and OK, given what we’ve seen so far, that’s the safe choice, but honestly, I think we’re just taking some things for granted right now, and I’m not sure they actually have given the best performances so far. Yeah, I said it. Team Jackson is Yang Kai, Chao, and Xiao Jie, and … ok, on that last one, I think you probably could have substituted Bingo, but all right. Yang Kai is a definite yes. Chao will be great if he can stay out of his own head and not psych himself out, but given what we’ve seen so far, he’s an obvious pick. First round, Yang Kai vs. Klash, and Yang Kai is still a fucking menace, with super lines. Klash definitely stepped up his game for the battle, and I can’t get over the upper body strength he’s got, to get that kind of airy bounce in his moves, but to be honest, I can’t even be mad the first round went to Yang Kai and Team Jackson. Second round, Yang Kai is still … y’all, the beautiful lines from this guy in his poses, I can’t get over them, but I think he doesn’t have the stamina, his footwork is getting sloppy. Bouboo also steps up his game for an actual battle, his fluidity and control is amazing, and yeah, round to Team Yibo. Round three, Xiao Jie gives it a decent effort, but the polish isn’t there; meanwhile Bouboo is still in champion mode, and I was kind of surprised this was a split vote and went to another round. Xiao Jie absolutely surprised me, coming back stronger on his second try, although I suppose a more familiar genre helped, but Bouboo continues in champion mode. Round four, Chao looks like he’s going to throw up right before he steps out there, and then as soon as the music starts, it’s like, he doesn’t even think. The music just moves him. I feel like his dance vocabulary is more limited than Bouboo’s, though, and Bouboo’s flow is amazing at this point, so I feel like the judges just want to drag this out and see more dancing when we go to one more round. Strong effort all around, but yeah, round four and two towels to Team Yibo. I can’t really complain about that. I do feel like Yibo’s powerhouses have been holding back until now, though, and I’m not sure how I feel about THAT.

FOOTNOTE 2, aka TOWEL BATTLE TWO, Team Zhang vs. Team Wallace, 3V3 w/ captain: lol, Team Zhang really wants someone to pick the Sailor Moon song because they know Xiao Bao and his waacking will tear it up. Anyway, Team Zhang includes Lingo and Xiao Bao, who does not get his Sailor Moon song and continues to be hilarious in his disbelief about being chosen to participate in this battle, when he’s not looking almost as sick as Chao from Team Jackson before HIS performance. Team Wallace includes Su Lian Ya – and honestly, despite how I’m getting ready to bag on him for the entire rest of this battle recap, I like that Wallace put one of his female dancers up there for the battle - and some dude named Ba that they haven’t given us any footage of, up ‘til now, at least that I can remember and who I … don’t even know has been formally given a towel and sent on to the next round, yet? Oh wait, he must have, because there’s talk in the pause for choreography about somehow using the towels during the battle. Wallace relies on Su Lian Ya and Zhang Jiang Peng to choose Ba, and then Ba ends up choreographing a lot of the performance, at least from the edit we see. I continue to feel you may be in over your head, Wallace. This feeling … is not assuaged by your performance in the first round, which is fine, but not really up to the level of almost anyone whose name I’ve bolded so far in this entire recap. Also, using the towels was a cute idea, but it doesn’t translate well, and Team Wallace has a lot of wasted time throwing the towels around instead of actually. You know. Dancing. Lingo gets a credible solo during Team Zhang’s performance, and even though Xiao Bao is clearly lost during a good bit of his backup dancer duties, he manages not to throw up, which – given this team’s general skill level – should be enough to give them the first round, EXCEPT SOMEHOW Team Wallace gets the point from the judges, who then try to justify this inexplicable decision by saying Team Wallace had better interaction, I guess because of the hot mess with throwing the towels around, but adding that Team Zhang was more scattered, which what? More scattered than the hot mess with the towels? I’m not buying this. I can’t tell if they’re propping up Wallace or fucking with Lay Zhang’s head, but I’m having bad acid flashbacks to the many and varied ways dance show judges will try to gaslight you, telling you that things you just saw with your very own eyes did not actually happen when it’s right there! On camera! Visible, despite whatever edit bs you’re pulling! ANYWAY, they’re definitely managing to fuck with not only Lay Zhang’s head, but Xiao Bao’s, and Xiao Bao still doesn’t seem to have his choreography down, but they manage to pull it together enough to take the second round, which to be honest is kind of a muddled mess on everyone’s part. The only one who really stands out to me on this go’round is Su Lian Ya, but OK, Team Zhang might have had it slightly more together as a unit. And then, yeah, OK, I think they were fucking with Lay Zhang’s head, because we then find out that, holy shit, the song the show powers-that-be chose for the tie-breaking third round is that gd Sailor Moon song, and we can all see the writing on the wall. Poor Team Wallace is no match for Xiao Bao, who frankly, carries this entire round on his shoulders without breaking a sweat and barely needs any backup dancers to do it. There’s some ridiculously dramatic reveal of scoring, with the judges dragging out their decisions like this was any actual contest - I’m beginning to suspect that some of them grew up with Wallace Chung posters on their bedroom walls - but finally, round and towel to Team Zhang.

Cut to a little bit of Next Time On, and wow, the first two-and-a-half-hour episode is over, and we aren’t finished with the initial round yet. It’s gonna be Christmas before I make it halfway through this season.

[shyficwriter]

An Untamed Fire | Part 2

Guardians of the Galaxy fanfic | Reader X Guardians Part 2 in a series: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Summary: Peter, Gamora, and Drax set out to find you, and you learn something about your powers.

Author’s Note: Based off this prompt from Anon. This was originally going to be a one-shot, but then Tumblr told me I had reached the post length limit, sooo I had to break it up into different chapters. And then I stopped writing for like... forever. And now it’s here. Some people asked in the notes of the last part to be tagged when this came out, so here you go : @sourwolf-sterek32 @b-brightlee @capitanostella @stranger-blink @cas-kingdom Word Count: 2121

You woke the next morning stiff from being curled up in the thicket all night. You would have chosen to just stay in the thicket forever if it weren’t for unfortunate morning ...duties you needed to take care of, one of which being finding water as your throat was incredibly dry from having cried yourself to sleep the night before. After you took care of the more pressing matters you set off to find a stream or any other source of water, all the while trying to figure out where you would go after that.

***

Peter and Gamora woke early and prepared to go looking for you. Drax woke shortly later and announced he was going to help search as well. Rocket kept to his word and refused to leave the ship, and little Groot wanted to help search but Peter suggested he stay behind with Rocket, as well as Mantis.

After making sure Drax and Gamora had their communicators on them, he suggested they split up and cover more ground. "If anyone finds her, call back to the others so they can head in that direction, just in case she tries to run again, ok?" Peter instructed.

The others agreed and they set off in different directions to look for you.

***

You had walked for nearly twenty minutes before you heard running water. It was another 10 before the river finally fell into your line of sight. When you reached the water you tentatively tested it to make sure it was safe and not some crazy river of anything not water and possibly deadly. Thankfully it seemed to be just water, and you gratefully drank and splashed some on your face.

You sat on the edge of the bank against a large tree, wondering what your next move would be when you heard a twig snap from somewhere behind you, making you jolt. You quickly stood and hid behind some flowering bushes near your tree, carefully looking for the source of the sound. A few moments passed of relative silence before you heard the sound again, closer this time.

You scanned the dense forest from the safety of your hiding place for whatever was producing the noise and after a few moments you were finally granted an answer. A large, black, elk-like creature walked out of the brush and towards the stream of water, followed by three much smaller offspring. The creatures had bodies like elk, only perhaps squatter, with faces more similar to those of goats. They had no tails, but they did have large steer like horns sprouting from their heads and greyish underbellies. They held an odd beauty and grace about them and you relaxed, opting to watch them silently so as to not scare them away as they drank.

However, good things don't always last forever.

You had been watching for several long moments before you let out a startled scream upon feeling a hand rest on your shoulder, no doubt scaring the creatures away.

You quickly whip around to find Drax standing before you. You tried to back away, but only succeeding in backing into the tree you had been leaning on previously.

"Wait!" Drax said, holding his hands up. "I do not wish to kill you!"

Your eyes widen in confusion and surprise. 'Kill me? Was that an option on the table right now?' You thought.

Drax continued, "I've already contacted Peter and Gamora, they will be here soon in case you try to run. We don't wish to harm you."

"Drax please, just leave me!" You beg exhaustedly, looking around and realizing there was no way for you to take off. There was a stream to your left, bushes to your right, a giant tree against your back, and Drax in front of you. There was no option that allowed you to get away quickly. Even if there was you knew you probably couldn't outrun Drax. "You saw what I did, there's no place for someone like me on the team!"

“We can find one.” Drax attempted to reason. “We can help you contr- Wait! Stop!” he suddenly shouted, his face one of surprised concern as he grabbed you and pulled you away from the bush.

You looked over to see that the leaves of the bush, once lush and green, were now drying out and smoldering away, glowing red edges illuminating how the flowers were now dehydrating and turning to ash, crumbling off their stems. Somehow you were evaporating the moisture out of the foliage to allow it to burn. You had no idea you could even do that.

Peter and Gamora broke through some more bushes and came upon the scene, first seeing Drax's hold on your arm and then glancing over to see the still smoldering bush, eyes widening. You began to shake and turned into Drax’s chest and sobbed. Through your tears you tried to explain that you couldn’t control it, that you didn’t know how to make it stop.

Drax, not the best with strong emotions, awkwardly hugged you in an attempt at comfort. “I know, but we can help you learn how to control it. I believe in you.” he said comfortingly. However, after saying this he looked at Peter to shake his head in a “I don’t really believe,” gesture as you continued to bury your face in his chest.

Gamora attempted to reason with you. “Look, we can help you. You don’t have to live in fear of this ability!” “You should have come to us, we would have understood.” added Peter.

“How could you?” you say disbelievingly, finally pulling away from Drax to turn and look at them. “How could you possibly understand?”

Peter looked at Gamora for help, to which she gestured that she had nothing to offer. Yes, he could bring up how he briefly had powers before he killed his birth father, but that didn’t seem to be helpful at the moment considering his powers never caused him to accidentally destroy anything or hurt anyone. There was also the fact that he was only really aware of them for a day before he lost them.

“That’s what I thought.” you say sullenly. “I’m a freak, and I literally destroy everything.” you gestured to the bush, a third of the way gone by now.

“Look, ah, we can start now.” started Peter. “Just, ah, concentrate and try to stop burning this bush.”

“Don’t you get it?” you exclaim. “I don’t know how to stop the fires on my own! I don’t even know if I can! I just try to smother them as quick as I can, and I can’t exactly smother that, now can I? The bush is nearly as tall as me!” As you spoke the smoldering only seemed to quicken in pace and small flames started to sprout throughout the already smoldering foliage, making the others nervous.

“Try to relax.” Gamora offered. “Try to clear your mind, see if that works.”

You thought the idea stupid, how could you possibly clear your mind right now? However, you attempted anyway, closing your eyes.

“Ok. Now just breathe.”

You steadied you breathing and tried to visualize the fire stopping. You opened your eyes and continued to focus on thinking on trying to stop the fire.

This continued for several minutes before Drax spoke up.

"Nothing is changing. Maybe she can’t?"

"Wow, way to be supportive, buddy." Peter scolded, rolling his eyes. However, it was true that nothing had really changed. The burning may have slowed, but the bush was nearly halfway burned now. With no way to transport water from the stream to throw on the smoldering bush, you all knew it was time for a crash session in controlling your powers if you didn’t want to accidentally burn down the forest.

"Hmmm..." Gamora thought a moment. "When this happens, how do you normally feel?"

You winced, talking about feelings wasn't exactly something you felt like doing right now, you weren’t exactly great about sharing your feelings with others. Suddenly a pop and an explosion of sparks from the bush made you all jump.

“Wait! What were you feeling just then?” Gamora asked, getting an idea.

“Is that really important right now?” you asked, sighing in frustration.

“Yes.” Gamora stated. “I think how you feel has an effect on your ability. Think about it, it’s an extension of yourself. Like an arm or a leg.”

“I’m listening.” you respond with a raised eyebrow. You had never thought about your power like that before, and the thought was rather intriguing.

“You can think about moving your arm, and it doesn’t necessarily happen. You have to will it to happen if you want your limbs to move, right?” she looked at you expectantly, hoping you would understand where she was going.

“Yeah...” You were actually pretty surprised, she was making a lot of sense. Peter and Drax looked impressed as well.

“So, if I were to do this,” she pinched Peter’s arm, making him jerk back with an irritated yelp. “then Peter moves automatically. He doesn’t think to react, he wills his body to move in reflex to the pain. What if this is a reflex to being upset?” she motioned to the bush.

“Like earlier with Rocket!” Peter realized. “He was being a total dick and you set his tail on fire.”

“I didn’t mean to!” you despair, covering your face in shame. Another pop could be heard from the bush, and the others noticed the burning had increased in pace again, now spreading into the next bush. If you couldn’t make this stop, there was a chance there was about to be a much bigger problem on all your hands.

“We know, we know!” Gamora soothed. “But use that! I don’t think you can control it by thinking, I think you need to will it.”

“Yeah.” Peter agreed. “Yondu told me that’s how he controlled his arrow. He didn’t use his head, he used his heart.” Peter’s own heart tugged at the memory, remembering how that advice had helped him back with Ego. “Don’t think about it, just use your heart.”

You looked at Peter and nodded before turning back to the bush. “Alright. I’ll try.” You closed your eyes once more, thinking that perhaps trying to clear your mind would help when your thoughts were interrupted by Peter interjecting.

“Try to think happy thoughts.”

You actually let a short laugh at the idea. “Alright, Peter Pan.” you quipped, rolling your eyes and letting a small smile slip. “What’s next? Gonna tell me you got fairy dust in your pocket?”

“I thought his last name was Quill?” questioned Drax. “And what is ‘fairy dust’?”

As Peter explained to Drax that, yes his last name was still Quill and who Peter Pan was Gamora noticed your demeanor had changed. You seemed much less anxious. She also noticed that the actual flames had extinguished and that the bush was now back to just smoldering slowly and she nudged Peter so he could also take notice of this. You, however, had let yourself become distracted by Peter and hadn’t noticed yet. “Hey, it’s actually working.” Peter said, bringing your attention back to the bush. “Happy thoughts wasn’t such a dumb idea after all, was it?”

“Oh shut it, doofus.” you cracked back, not wanting to admit his silly idea was working, but the others could see the relief in your eyes as you indeed realized it to be true.

“Nope! Now ya gotta admit I was right.” Peter laughed, pulling you into a hug and ruffling your hair. He knew you wouldn’t say it out loud, but he knew it always cheered you up when he was playful with you, cracking dumb jokes and wrestling together like children. He looked over to Gamora and she understood what he was doing. He was finding your happy thoughts.

You laughed and tried to shove him away. “Quit it! Did you forget I’m supposed to be trying to put that bush out?”

“Doesn’t look to be on fire to me, look.” he said, turning you to see the bush, now mostly ash and half its size, but very much not on fire anymore.

Your eyes began to water, tears of relief threatening to spill over as you turned around and hugged him tightly. “I can’t believe that worked. I-I did it. I stopped it!” you looked up into his eyes. “Thank you.” you said softly. 

Peter responded by hugging you tighter. “We knew you could do it, kiddo.”

“I had doubts.” Drax murmured, receiving a punch in the arm from Gamora before the four of you began to make your way back to the ship.