#tw drug misuse

[ghostlyschizophrenic]

tw: weed, talks of ativan overdosing, general drug talk (but like, i’m not relapsing and not getting worse so it’s a positive post)

i’m slowly getting better at going for my indica vape stick to get high instead of overdosing on my ativan. im almost out of the ativan, only enough for my actual prescription dose for this week, but i’m really going to try to hold myself to this once i get the refill and i can’t just rely on the fact i have no extra to misuse to begin with. the weed also helps ease my paranoia better than ativan does, as ativan only really helps some of the anxiety response to the paranoia even when im taking 5 times my prescribed amount, while the weed relaxes me in the first place and i can handle all of the paranoia symptoms a bit easier. maybe i should look into asking my psychiatrist about going off the ativan entirely so i can’t misuse it and instead get a medical marijuana card…

[neuroticboyfriend]

something nobody tells you about substance use disorder is that if you get cravings it's possible for them to present as olfactory (scent) and gustatory (taste) hallucinations. for example, i will smell alcohol, vapor, sometimes even post nasal drip, when there. is none. or i'll taste alcohol in drinks i usually mix alcohol with, even though they contain no alcohol. cravings can honestly just register as hunger and thirst but Different, too.

this may also intersect with the fact i'm schizophrenic but um. yeah. that's a thing! now you know.

[that-0ne-loser-ky]

lmao, they gave me a starter dose of some adhd med so i forgot to take it of course so i did the resonable thing and took five on new years and i thought i was having a heart attack and i might have but at least i tryed to make a soldering iron (failed)

[tvshowspoilers]

SEASON 2 SPOILERS

Did some research on rhino horn cause I was curious.

According to Google the drug came on the scene in 2012 (but had existed long before that) and “is made up of keratin.”

Rhino Horn connects to China, according to two sources:

“According to traditional Chinese texts, such as Li Shih-chen's 1597 medical text “Pen Ts' ao Kang Mu”, rhino horn has been used in Chinese medicine for more than 2,000 years and is used to treat fever, rheumatism, gout, and other disorders.”

”For centuries, rhino horn has been used in traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) to treat a wide variety of illnesses”

And Vietnam:

“The belief in Vietnam is that drinking a tonic made from the horn will detoxify the body after a night of heavy boozing, and prevent a hangover” so “users aren’t getting high”

—————-

Soooooo maybe Ed has been having nights of crying and drinking and the rhino horn refreshes him? Idk it seems like it makes him unhinged actually, like Hornigold. It does have “adverse effects.” Or it could probably be DJ putting his own spin on it.

So like what made DJ chose that? I assume because of the Chinese influence he is weaving through season 2. Tbh I’d do so just because of the name. Totally fits.

Part of the reason I researched rhino horn was to see if it caused withdrawals? I couldn’t find anything on a surface level google search. It doesn’t seem like it is quite a drug drug like I was thinking

But either way…did Ed go through withdrawal that quickly? It was just one night? I doubt it…but if rhino horn is that type of drug in this word…I kinda hope we see him going through withdrawal and recovery as a part of his healing because who knows how long he was using.

Also also, apparently there is a myth that it was considered an aphrodisiac.

Annnnnnd apparently rhino horn is considered a “status drug” and I’m not even going to go into how they get the substance cause I’ll make myself cry. But the implication fits with the toxicity of Ed in the first 3 episodes.

Feel free to share your thoughts! I would love to know y’all’s speculation. And if I’m wrong or mistaken, correct me!

[8blud]

                                                               𝚛.𝟺-𝟷𝟸𝟶

                                                                    ‘ raru. ’

𝚊  𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍𝚑𝚘𝚘𝚍  𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖  𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐  𝚊  𝚜𝚖𝚎𝚕𝚕  𝚢𝚘𝚞  𝚌𝚊𝚗’𝚝  𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛.     𝚊𝚗  𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚜  𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐  𝚘𝚞𝚝  𝚘𝚏  𝚝𝚑𝚎  𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚜  𝚘𝚏  𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛  𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚜,   𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗  𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛  𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚎𝚔  𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎  𝚊  𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚛.     𝚊  𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚔  𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚞𝚛𝚎  𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐  𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚔-𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚝𝚎  𝚊𝚜  𝚒𝚝  𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚜  𝚏𝚘𝚛  𝚝𝚑𝚎  𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚜.

basics.

given  name.     rowan  rockwell. real  name.     r.4-120. nickname.     ‘   raru,   ’   give her more. label.     the  synthetic  lamb. (   perceived   )   age.     thirty. gender  identity.     agender   (   she   +   any   ). orientation.     bisexual. occupation.     clinical  statistician  at  anunnaki  pharmaceuticals   &   political  spy  for  the  red-eye,   unknown. moral  alignment.     lawful   /   neutral  evil. character  inspiration.     frankenstein’s  monster   (   frankenstein   ),   rei  ayanami   (   neon  genesis  evangelion   ),   david8   (   alien  franchise   ),   amy   dunne   (   gone  girl   ),   kd6-3.7   (   blade  runner  2049   ),   antigone   (   greek  literature   ),   victoria  neuman   (   the  boys   ),   glados   (   portal   ),   makima   (   chainsaw  man   ).

background.

vivid  memories  that  flicker  into  view,   like  an  old  movie  reel  settling  into  its  camera.     a  swing  at  the  back  of  her  garden,   frayed  at  the  ends.     a  person  standing  over  her  bed,   touching  her  neck  and  squeezing  her  nose  shut.     her  mother  on  a  damp  bed,   pills  strewn  between  the  creases.     a  man,   her  father,   bending  down  to  kiss  her  forehead.     a  boy’s  glob  of  spit  flying  into  her  face.

innocuous  little  images,   unfelt  and  unreachable.     a  dense  forest,   with  an  endless  amount  of  branches,   still  yields  finite  endings.     they  were  written  when  her  arm  could  rigidly  write  her  name,   without  curves.     she  cannot  taste  her  mother’s  sweat  and  tears;   she  cannot  feel  her  father’s  lips,   whether  they  were  chapped  or  moist.     without  help,   she  couldn’t  name  people  in  a  picture  that  captures  her  smiling  face,   fat-cheeked  and  wide-eyed.

in  some  dreams,   she  reaches  for  her  mother’s  pills  and  swallows  them.     the  taste  would’ve  stained  her  little  tongue  for  the  rest  of  her  life.     her  young  stomach  should’ve  lost  its  lining,   until  her  blood  spouts  from  the  organ  like  it’s  gasping  for  air.     drowning  in  her  enclosed  body,   breathing  for  the  first  time.     her  finite  endings  feel  created,   even  when  they  are  missed.     a  possibility  that  was  never  actually  possible.     and  yet,   this  is  where  she  should’ve  died.     the  end  screen  would’ve  been  red,   and  she  would’ve  cried  blood-tears.

bitten  by  curiosity,   she  swallows  those  pills  as  an  adult.     no  side  effects.     her  spit  yearns  to  foam  like  it  did  on  her  mother’s  lips.     her  hands  are  not  her  own  as  she  swallows  more.     and  yet,   nothing.     no  nausea,   no  loss  of  awareness.     not  even  lethargy  sets  in.     just  as  awake,   just  as  alive.     steady  heart,   steady  hands.     untouched  by  pain.

the  years  seem  to  wear  on  and,   interspersed  between  these  images  of  her  life,   are  bare  flashes  of  white  pain.     no  picture,   all  sensation.     three  times,   she  tries  to  focus  on  the  feeling,   before  she  learns  how  to  remember.     if there’s  a  shock  in  the  memory,   her  arm  jerks.     when  it’s  the  simple  feeling  of  temperature,   her  arm  doesn’t  move.

months  pass,   she  thinks,   and  she  begins  to  hear  voices.     they  call  her  an   ‘   r.4   ’   unit,   the  120th  model.     it  changes  nothing.     fear  doesn’t  sit  at  the  base  of  her  throat;   her  parents  remain  un-grieved.     they’re  just  another  statistic,   another  nipped  bud  that  wouldn’t  serve  the  ending  that  was  written  into  her  code.     if  it’s  perfection  she  was  made  for,   then  it  is  perfection  she  will  strive  for.

(  as  an  aside,  i’m  imagining  her  as  a  slightly  earlier  model.  a  very  good  rendition  of  a  person,  but  ‘lacking’  human  empathy.  a  bit  more  in  line  with  blade  runner’s  other  replicants,  like  the  interrogation  at  the  beginning  of  the  movie.  )

(  i’m  also  not  imagining  her  as  a  ‘fighting’  model,  more  of  a  supporting  unit.  she  would  struggle  to  feel  pain,  and  she  would  always  get  up.  in  a  fight,  however,  if  the  other  person  has  more  training  ( … )  they  got  her  coach.  )

(   commissioned  by  the  red-eye  to  be  their  intel  droid  and  political  spy.     she  was  built  to  endure  anything,   to  ‘  die  ’  and  be  able  to  come  back  again.     hence  her  further  increased  invulnerability  and  hindered  empathy  skills.     the  emphasis  is  on  gathering  information,   and  getting  out  physically  unscathed   –   even  if  she  is  caught.   )

[actuallyverynormalbtw]

[nat-of-personifs]

human drugs work on personifs btw. they need a bigger dose and a good isomorphism but it works. anesthetic injection is difficult though because of the way personif circulatory systems work there is no guarantee the stuff you inject in the arm will numb anywhere else other than the site of the injection

i don’t know what a good isomorphism for getting high as a kite would be but ill find one i promise

[midnightpsychos]

❦ ⇢ @tvpewriters asked: E x P 💋

After they had taken some drugs to increase their sex life, Paisley and Eric got up to something naughty which they never done before and they took scandalous pictures of one another, she was in a risky white outfit; showering Eric in kisses to the point where he was now on top of her, sexually kissing her while Paisley bit back moans, wrapping her arms around his neck. “P-please take me…” she moaned softly into his mouth, securing a tight bond over the two of them - this was the most comfortable she had ever felt but maybe it was the drugs that were taking its effect but Paisley wanted Eric to do all kinds to her after this happened… “I love you E…” she stutters then entered her tongue into his mouth so that she cough taste him.

[clownleys]

ao3 author notes: sorry i was absent for the past two weeks! i had to hand sew 42874 crystal gems to my shorts and then someone spiked my drink so i had to redo the whole thing

[amurder-ofcrows]

! TW drug misuse, bad eating habits, disordered eating, body image, and weight mention under the read more !

i’m back to taking more than my prescribed dose of ativan again… i’m taking 5-7mg a day when i’m normally taking 1mg a day and then an extra as needed for anxiety. it’s not as bad as it has been before, last time i was taking 10-12mg a day and was completely out of it 24/7. i’m trying not to take more, and luckily i may be able to ride out this wave and slowly taper down again because i have a back up supply from after i got down to my prescription amount last time. my doctor prescribes me about three times the amount of a daily amount because it’s also for my anxiety attacks so i need my daily dose and extra for when i have an anxiety or panic attack.

i’m kinda lucky that i’m also on antibiotics right now because i got pretty sick recently and after two weeks i went to urgent care and they prescribed some for me and antibiotics tend to upset people’s stomachs so i can get around the fact that i lose my appetite when i take a lot of ativan by saying it’s just the antibiotics. i also don’t really mind that i’m not hungry because i’ve gained back 20lbs that i lost a couple months ago because we increased two of my antipsychotics recently. and those antipsychotics are seroquel and zyprexa which are BOTH known for weight gain and so much weight gain that they’re rarely prescribed together and the only reason i’m on both is because i’ve tried 9 different antipsychotics and a bunch more combinations of those 9 and this is the best solution for my symptoms.

so i gained a bunch of weight back that i tried really hard to lose and i’m also super hungry all the time. i don’t want to get bad with my ativan again, it got kinda scary last time it happened. i was so out of it that i walked into a wall and hurt my nose (fortunately didn’t break it) and i barely even registered the pain until i came down. but also i like that i’m not feeling hungry and maybe i can wait until i lose some of the weight before i go back to my prescription amount.

anyways just needed to get that off my chest without bothering anyone irl because the idea of telling my parents and having to go cold turkey on the ativan is terrifying and id rather just ride this wave until i’m able to go back down. i was able to last time and i think i can do it again. i don’t want to tell my psychiatrist because i have a week before thanksgiving break and then three weeks of school after that and then i’m done for the semester and will be on winter break and i DO NOT have time to do a PHP or IOP like my psychiatrist will probably want me to do so that my meds are monitored. i can do a three week PHP in december but until then i’m just gonna try and get through this on my own i guess

[ghostlyschizophrenic]

tw under the cut: drug misuse, mixed episode, suicidality

i’m high on ativan, klonopin, and weed rn because i need a fuckin break from this mixed episode. i’m bouncing from fucking suicidal and almost breaking my two year clean streak from self harm to feeling so recklessly invincible that i want to just keep taking and taking something because if a little bit helps maybe more will make it even better. i can’t continuously take my ativan with the frequency i’m doing (i’m taking 6-8 pills a day) without running out before my next refill, and my klonopin isn’t even mine, it’s an old prescription of my dads that he doesn’t take anymore so i only have a limited supplies.

i should probably just stick to weed at this point but i’m terrified of weed psychosis because i’m already dealing with my mood symptoms i can’t have psychosis popping in too. not telling my psychiatrist about this tho

anyway don’t do what i do kids

[neuroticboyfriend]

i don't think people realize just how taxing it is to survive OD. it doesn't feel like i survived and my life continues. it feels like i should have died, didn't, and my life restarted from zero. it feels like i was just fucking spawned into existence with a backstory. forever changed. crossed the line and instead of crossing it back, there's... nothing. it's like entering a black hole. anything that goes in, doesn't come out. i didn't die, but an infinite number of lives that could have been did. overdose is traumatizing.

[razzafrazzle]

the harbinger

[lookatmenowx]

No but really how y’all using tramadol? Got a prescription for my chronic pain long ago but haven’t got any results, now I’m out of alprazolam since forever, duloxetine won’t do shit doesn’t matter how much i take and I can’t drink so what should i do with it to get some results? Please I just don’t want to think tonight

[offier]

BOY am i thinking about yj!chess tho

[partsoulmate-fullproblem]

it’s relating way too much to 7 minutes in heaven (atavan halen) hours tonight babes