#tw sex trauma

[anodyne-sunflower]

Are you gonna write astarion fanfics? I've always loved ur work hehe so I'm looking forward to it. And what would you write

I am! Or, I'm working on some. Mostly scenes that pop into my head, so I kind of need to create a full story around it. Wish me luck!

I would love to do an Astarion fic, from his POV in a way. Like dealing with a past of sex trauma, etc. Since I've experienced that, I would love to use it to mimic my own healing process. Like, I was reading some fics, and don't get me wrong they're great!, but one thing I noticed is they deal with touch a bit aggressively. Again, this is different for every survivor, so if that's fine for some, awesome. Do you! Please don't take my opinion as a guide to write. I'm merely wanting to give one survivors perspective on the healing process of sex trauma.

Anyway, when I say aggressive, I don't mean violent! I mean that right off the bat when a sexual scene happens, they make it very romantic and dedicate a bunch of time to touching Astarion in gentle ways. Which is very sweet, but for me it doesn't work because one thing I hated (and absolutely still hate) is constant romantic touch during sex. I can handle a few kisses on my body, but honestly, if someone dedicated the amount of time to worshipping my body like they do in certain fics....I'd lose my mind. I cannot so constant touch! It makes me so aggravated, even thinking about it now makes me mad. I hate it. I don't want gentle, butterfly kisses everywhere. I focus so much on each individual touch that I either dissociate to save my self the panic attack, or push my partner away. I've never been able to handle it. So I'd like to write a fic where relearning touch exists but not all at once in a sexual encounter. If that makes any sense...I ramble a lot, sorry lol

Again, that's not everyone's experience or reaction. But it is mine, so I'm looking forward to finding fics I can relate to in that aspect, or just writing my own <3

[mental-illness-bingo]

Reminder to my fellow sex traumatized people that if you have someone legally enthusiastically consenting to do it with you, and it's a legal activity, you are allowed to do it if it helps you cope (or if you just need to relive it).

If C NC is how you handle what happened to you and your partner is into it? Awesome, do it up.

This goes for anything that's legal and that every party can and is consenting to.

Idc if this is controversial, if ageplay with all consenting (and non-groomed) adults gives you the power to process your issues and your partner is enthusiastically consenting to help you with that then you are allowed. If no one is being hurt and you're using it to heal then that means it's a net positive in the world, period.

[unclewaynemunson]

Alt version of this post bc too many people asked for both &lt;3

It's Saturday night and, like almost every Saturday night, Eddie wishes he didn't have to be at some jock party. The flashing lights, the scent of cheap mixed drinks, the incredibly mediocre loud music... And worst of all, the fucking jocks. Everywhere.

'Eddie!'

He looks up to find Steve, with a dopey smile on his face, basically skipping towards him and throwing his arms around his neck. Oh. He didn't know Steve still went to parties like those. Hadn't seen him at any of them in a while. But as soon as he gets wrapped up in an enthusiastic full-body hug, he decides there's one jock, and one jock only, that he doesn't mind running into at those parties.

'Eddie, what're you doin' here?' There's an unfocused look in his eyes and he wobbles on his legs a little bit, grabbing tighter onto Eddie for support. The touch burns through Eddie's t-shirt and he tries to ignore the shiver running down his spine.

'I didn't know you liked parties!' Steve drops his voice, slurring: 'I thought you hated the jocks.'

Eddie can't help but smile. 'I hate all jocks but one, big boy,' he tells Steve. 'Not here to party, only to get some cash.' He rattles with the metal lunchbox in his hands to illustrate his point. 'Can you let me go now so I can get on with my business, pretty please?'

'Noooo,' Steve says with an exaggerated pout. 'I'm too happy you're here! Dance with me!'

Eddie chuckles. 'I don't think you're in any state to dance right now. Jesus, Stevie, I don't think I've ever seen you this wasted before. Thought you were planning to pick up a girl tonight?'

'I was,' Steve says, suddenly sounding oddly serious. 'But it doesn't matter. Just needed to forget. The rum helped, too.' He frowns. 'Til you showed up.'

'Forget what?' Eddie asks, trying to make sense of this drunken string of words.

Something happens; something that's been happening quite often lately. Steve's eyes flash downwards, just for a second, right to where Eddie's lips are.

Eddie's heartbeat involuntarily picks up speed.

'What did you need to forget, Steve?' Eddie asks again.

'Can't tell you,' Steve mumbles so softly that Eddie can barely make it out over the loud music. 'I don't wanna make you feel guilty. I'm not judging you, y'know. 'S fine.'

He abruptly lets go of Eddie and takes a step away from him, stumbling right into some girl who pushes him back with an annoyed scoff; if Eddie weren't still standing right behind him, he would've fallen on his ass for sure.

'Alright, you're not making any sense tonight, big boy, but I can't in good conscience let you stay here by yourself. How 'bout I'll drive you home?'

Eddie glances at his watch. If he hurries, he can probably still be back to do what he came here for before the good part of the party is over. He does kinda need the cash.

'Can't,' says Steve. 'Can't go home with you.' Something in his voice is breaking and suddenly there are tears in his eyes, and Eddie still doesn't understand what's wrong; he feels like he's overlooking something huge, something that should be obvious.

'Let's just go outside to talk, then?' he suggests.

'Can't. Dance with me, Eddie.'

But when Eddie starts gently tugging Steve towards the open door leading to the garden, Steve easily lets himself be led outside. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath when the cool night air reaches his lungs, as if one gulp of fresh air will instantly make him sober up. But he's still swaying on his feet, making Eddie grab onto him tighter.

Eddie likes to think of himself as moderately strong, but unfortunately, hauling 180 pounds of muscled jock around is starting to take its toll on him. He spots a bench in a secluded corner of the garden and guides Steve towards it.

'This better?' he asks.

'Yeah,' Steve breathes out. Even now that they're both sitting down, Steve keeps clinging onto him. 'Look at the stars, Eddie.'

Eddie looks up at the scattering of lights twinkling far above them - but he can feel Steve's eyes still burning into his face.

When he directs his gaze back to the guy sitting next to him, Steve's face is even closer than before. The starlight is reflected in his hazy eyes, tiny specks of silver hidden in various shades of brown and black.

'I wish I could kiss you,' Steve whispers, looking at Eddie with nothing but admiration behind that glassy drunk gaze.

Eddie almost forgets to breathe. He knows that it seemed like he and Steve were headed exactly toward something like this for a while now, but he still can hardly believe that it is real. That Steve Harrington is really looking at him like he's just as precious as the stars in the sky above them.

He brings up a hand, gently caresses Steve's soft cheek.

'Maybe you don't have to wish,' he whispers back, unable to stop his eyes from flashing towards Steve's beautiful lips for a moment. 'Tomorrow. When you're not drunk anymore. If you still remember this.'

'No.' Steve shakes his head, so fiercely it makes his hair flap in all directions and his complexion at least two shades paler. 'Can't.'

'Why do you keep saying that, Steve?' Eddie asks softly.

'Cause.' For a moment Eddie thinks Steve is gonna grab his ass, but then... he randomly frees Eddie's handkerchief – the one with the skulls – from his back pocket.

'Cause of the Russians.'

Eddie can only stare at him in confusion.

'They tied me up,' Steve all but whispers. Eddie hates how small and broken his voice suddenly sounds.

He has always known – broadly speaking – about what happened to Steve and Robin miles beneath Starcourt last year. He's never actually heard Steve talk about the details, though. All he knows is that he and Robin were captured by Russian spies and somehow made it out alive. He could always see how difficult it was for Steve to talk about it whenever it came up, but he never wanted to pry. And now here they are, at some goddamn high school jock party of all places, and all of a sudden Steve willingly brings it up.

'I was with Robin,' Steve continues, still in that scared and broken voice. 'And they tied us to a chair. We couldn't move. And they – they hurt me. They hit me. 'Til I was bleeding all over. I thought I was gonna die. Robin thought I was dead.'

'Jesus Christ, Steve,' Eddie breathes out, tightening his grip around Steve's torso.

'So I can't,' Steve mumbles, holding up Eddie's handkerchief as if it's some kind of logical explanation for whatever it is he's trying to tell Eddie.

'Wh- What?'

'I know what it means, Eddie,' he says, as if he's even remotely making sense right now. 'You know John?'

'Who the hell is John?' Eddie only keeps finding himself more and more lost in this conversation.

'My cousin,' Steve says, like it's obvious, like he's ever talked about some cousin named John to Eddie before. 'The one in New York. He knows all about that shit, right? He sends me the good magazines sometimes when my parents aren't home. That's how I know.'

'Know what?'

Steve only waves around with that stupid handkerchief again.

'You're flagging, aren't ya? You like pain. Like BS... BM...'

Eddie feels his jaw drop.

'What the fuck are you talking about?' he asks. 'It's – this is a metal thing. It looks metal. I literally have no idea what you're – flagging?'

Now Steve's face finally mirrors the confusion Eddie has been feeling for the past ten minutes.

'Are you serious?' he asks, for one second showing more clarity in his eyes than Eddie has seen all evening.

Eddie nods.

'So it's not...' Steve stops himself, swallows, frowns. 'You're not into, like, hurting people and shit?'

And finally, it all clicks together in Eddie's mind: the repeated chorus of I can't, the story about the Russians, the goddamn handkerchief... Flagging. BDSM.

'Why the hell would I get off on hurting you, Steve?' is all he can get out of his mouth.

And Steve honest-to-Satan starts giggling; it sounds so relieved that Eddie kinda feels like giggling too, scary metal image be damned.

'I dunno, it's more common than you think,' Steve mumbles. 'I wouldn't judge you, alright? But I knew I could never give you that. No matter how much I like you. And then you'd get bored of me.'

'Oh, Steve,' Eddie whispers out. 'You don't need to worry 'bout that, I swear. For all I care, we can have the most vanilla sex in the world forever. Or never have sex at all. As long as it's with you... I'm good.' Eddie cringes as soon as the words leave his mouth: it sounds too cheesy, too sincere. He kinda hopes Steve will have forgotten this particular part of their conversation tomorrow morning.

But Steve doesn't look at him like he thinks it's stupid at all: his eyes are wide and he's smiling a soft smile.

'You sure? You won't get bored?'

Eddie chuckles. Now that he's being too goddamn cheesy anyway, he might as well double down on it. 'I can't imagine getting bored of getting to hold this body in a million fucking years. In any way you'll have me.'

Steve heaves out a relieved sigh before he buries his head against Eddie's chest.

'Can I bring you home, now?' Eddie asks.

There's a twinkle in Steve's eyes when he lifts his head again.

'Ooohhh... You wanna have the most vanilla sex in the world with me now?'

A chortle escapes Eddie's lungs.

'Um, maybe tomorrow, when you're not drunk off your ass,' he answers with a wink. 'For tonight, just lemme get you to bed, 'kay?'

'Okay, big boy,' Steve answers, and Eddie can't help but laugh before he presses a kiss against Steve's forehead.

[traumasurvivors]

Your trauma is valid even if you initially consented and then changed your mind.

Your trauma is valid if you consented in the past.

Consent can be withdrawn anytime before or during sexual encounters.

[sweatandwoe]

After reading some Astarion takes, I can say with full certainty, that I would not trust some of you to not slutshame or insult SA victims for having sex

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

Okay now that Anissa is in the show, I have to talk about THAT storyline. There's not much particularly new I can say that hasn't already been discussed but I need to gather my thoughts on what the show has to do to be successful in this regard. With that being said,

Spoilers for things the show has not covered yet

And massive Trigger Warning for discussions of sexual assault and post-assault trauma.

So first things out of the way, I do not believe they should cut it. The changes the show has made are ultimately pretty minor. A character change, order of events swapped. With them sticking as close as they are to the comic, I think it would be a massive problem to skip over it from a story telling standpoint.

From a real world standpoint, it's even more important. Male sexual assault is something that rarely gets depicted properly. It's usually a joke or a moment of triumph and that very much has had an effect on the way we look at it in the real world. And since Invincible is now a show pretty much everybody has their eyes on, choosing not to talk about it would be missing an opportunity to have a very real, very important conversation that very well could educate men on how to navigate and survive what they are going through.

I'm also worried that they'll be too afraid to actually say the word "rape". Lots of modern adaptations delete important discussions like Sokka's sexism or the gender discussions from Cowboy Bebop in order to avoid properly handling them and usually replace them with something worse in a sort of "all bark and no bite" liberalism. Directly saying it as it is is incredibly important to showing that talking about it is not only NOT shameful, but also necessary in getting the help you need and the healing that is necessary to survive.

And from a storytelling standpoint, saying it is important too. The moment where Mark tells Eve what happened is not only great in showing that telling someone is important but is also the moment where Mark is forced to admit the truth to himself. "She raped me." Those three words are a massive turning point for the whole story. Character dynamics change, this becomes a focus for most of Mark's loved ones, and it fundamentally changes his life.

Markus. This is a piece of the puzzle I don't see many talk about. While the rest is a showcase of what to do, Markus as a character is a showcase of what not to. It is so, so rare that a child conceived of a rape is properly depicted, nevermind discussed. From Mark's POV, he holds no ill will towards his son. He simply wants him to live a life on Earth with his family like he did and just can't be with him because he is needed in space. But to Markus, his dad hates him. He thinks his father keeps him on Earth so that he doesn't have to think about him. And this idea of his father's disgust contorts his image of himself. He begins to feel self-hatred, hatred towards his mother for making him this way, and hatred towards his father for abandoning him and leaving him to despise what he sees in the mirror. "You made Terra with love. I was made with hate."

Whether Mark meant it or not, his neglect of Markus ruined his early life. No matter how many friends he made, what groups he joined, they could never fill that hole. He idolized his father. I mean, how could he not? His father was, IS a great hero. A man who was out at that very moment leading the movement for universal peace. But because Mark barely visited him, he only had an idea of what his father was like. A man who sacrificed so much to help the world, who fought in space and yet still managed to save the Earth dozens of times. A man who had the time to help everyone and yet couldn't make time for him.

(Important edit: in no way do I mean to say Mark is obligated to be a part of his son's life, I meant that Mark chooses to be there but ultimately fails to do so and that causes issues)

And don't get me wrong, this story has some pretty glaring flaws. For example I think they tried a little too hard to teach Mark that the person who hurt him is human too and has positively affected the lives of many. Like absolutely there is a conversation to be had there but because they had to move on with the plot they kinda just went "HEY MARK DON'T BE SAD SHE'S COOL NOW AND ALSO SHE'S DEAD SO THERE'S NO POINT IN LINGERING OKAY BYYEEEEE". But I think instead of these flaws scaring the show away they should invite the show forward. It's an opportunity to improve on the story and discussions rather than shy away from it.

Oh and also harking back to my previous point in paragraph 2, there's another aspect that makes it stand out in an important discussion. If I'm remembering correctly, the comic makes it pretty clear that Mark could have overpowered Anissa but didn't for a couple of reasons, namely not wanting to hurt her. And that is SO important and SO rare. A discussion surrounding an assault victim who could have fought back but didn't where the victim is NOT portrayed as in the wrong and in fact just as worthy to be traumatized as any other victim is SO DAMN IMPORTANT and could legit change a lot in the way we look at these topics.

So yeah, I think the series should adapt it. Also I think it would be great if they brought on actual victims and experts and whatnot so their depiction could be just that much more focused around what needs to be said. Sorry if all this read as klunky, I have a lot of thoughts bouncing around up here that I kinda just spewed onto the page with no particular order. I'm also obviously not the most educated on the topic. My personal experiences with this were relatively minor and not something I've ever felt comfortable addressing. And yeah I know it's important no matter how "small" or "minor" it seems and I'm not trying to downplay any of that but I just don't really have the words to phrase that differently. Which is exactly why I think we NEED education and discussions about this stuff so that we DO know the words to navigate the topic.

[miguelswifey04]

Hello lovely! If you're comfortable, are you able to write a Miguel x f!reader where the reader is being sexually harassed (or verbally abused) by her boss but doesn't want to burden miguel with it? He's busy saving the multiverse and she doesn't believe she's worth the trouble. She thinks that if she ignores it and just smiles through the pain it'll eventually get easier but the actions are getting worse to the point where she's having trouble hiding it? Angst/hurt/comfort?

miguel o’hara x fem! reader

warning: sensitive content related to sexual harassment and abuse. reader discretion is advised. don’t say i didn’t warn you, read or skip it’s up to you. angst/hurt/comfort…

a/n: if you have ever experienced S/A from the bottom of my heart, i am truly sorry. as a S/A survivor i know what it feels like and how complex the severity of the situation can be, and wishing you had someone to be there for you…remember you’re not alone, you have me and others who will be there for you. my inbox and messages are open to anyone who wants to just talk to me or vent, i welcome you with open arms. much, love! —lin 🧞‍♀️

miguel could sense a shift in your demeanor, a heaviness that settled upon you like a dark cloud. despite his hectic life as Spider-Man, he never failed to notice the subtle changes in your behavior. lately, you seemed more withdrawn and distant, and it worried him. one evening, as you sat together on the couch, he gently took your hand in his, his voice filled with concern. "my love, something's been bothering you. i can see it in your eyes. you know you can tell me anything, right?"

you looked down, your fingers tracing invisible patterns on the fabric of your skirt. the weight of your secret became even heavier, guilt and fear mingling within you. you had kept the burden of your boss's harassment to yourself, not wanting to burden miguel with your troubles.

“i…i don't want to trouble you, miguel," you whispered, your voice laced with vulnerability. "you’re out there, saving the world, and I don't want to add to your worries." he squeezed your hand gently, his touch offering a small semblance of comfort. "cariño, don't you know that you're worth every ounce of my worry? your happiness and well-being mean everything to me. whatever you're going through, i want to be there for you."

tears welled up in your eyes as you finally let the walls around you crumble. the weight you had been carrying suddenly became too much to bear alone. with a trembling voice, you poured out the truth—the verbal abuse, the harassment, and the pain you had been enduring. miguel listened attentively, his anger and protectiveness boiling up inside him. as your words trailed off, miguel wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly as if trying to shield you from the pain. "i’m so sorry you had to go through this, mi amor," he whispered, his voice filled with a mixture of fury and empathy. "you never have to face it alone again. we will face this together."

from that moment forward, miguel became your unwavering pillar of support. he encouraged you to report the abuse, offering his reassurance and standing by your side throughout the process. his mere presence brought you a sense of safety and strength, allowing you to reclaim your voice and stand up against the injustices you had endured for far too long. the road to healing was not easy, but with miguel by your side, you began to rebuild your confidence and reclaim your worth. together, you navigated the often-painful journey of recovery, embracing both the hurt and the comfort that came with it. miguel’s love and determination to protect you became a beacon of hope, reminding you that you were never alone and that your well-being mattered—the love and support you shared became your source of strength in overcoming the pain.

tags 🏷️!! not tagging anyone because i know this topic can triggering :)

[quemaiglesias]

Drowning  

[antitheticallyargumentative]

I’m going to attempt to explain why the ending of Ted Lasso re: Jamie and his dad, bothers me so much. I know a lot of other people have made posts about this, and excellent ones, too, but I also have a lot of thoughts. These are just my opinions. Feel free to disagree. Feel free to discuss with me why you disagree. I love respectful conversations.

 This is gonna be long. sorry guys.

tw/cw- James Tartt Sr., abuse, The Amsterdam Thing

not detailed, but they are mentioned. proceed with caution and take care of yourself, please. <3

It is not the decision to have Jamie reach out to his dad that I hate. It is not even the decision to put Jamie’s dad in rehab (though I do think it was… A Choice.) To me, it’s very unsurprising that Jamie would try to reach out to his dad. Not just because of who he is as a character, but because of what this kind of lifelong abuse does to a person’s psyche. A lot of kids who come from abusive or neglectful homes have an incredibly hard time cutting off their parents. Even if they’re scared of them, even if they’re angry with them, there is still a deeply ingrained need to be loved, that maybe this time it will be different. They’ll mean it when they say they’ve changed. They’ll love me. Going no contact is fucking hard. It’s also fucking dangerous. As much as Jamie says he’s done everything he has to spite his dad, there is a part of him that deeply, desperately craves James’s approval. Of course he would visit him in rehab, because, if he’s in rehab, he’s trying, right? And maybe this time it will be different. 

But it won’t be. Because James Tartt has a pattern. A pattern of playing super dad, presumably where he cleans up his act and “makes an effort” with Jamie. Does father-son things with him, talks to him outside of asking for game tickets or telling him he played like shit (I’m hypothesizing here), lulls him into a false sense of security. And then what happens? Well, things like Amsterdam happen. And I highly doubt that was the only time he pulled that act. He likely also pulled it when he first came back into Jamie’s life, and probably other times after Amsterdam, too. What he doesn’t do, ever, though, is apologize, or take accountability for his past actions. Because James is a narcissist. At least, that’s what I would say. He feeds off Jamie’s fame and success to make himself feel bigger, important, entitled. And narcissists lack empathy. They struggle to take responsibility for their actions. They’re also, commonly, very manipulative. 

James is not an abusive piece of shit because he’s an alcoholic. He is both an abusive piece of shit AND an alcoholic. Not only does acting like he was horrid because he was drunk perpetuate the stigma of substance use disorders, it also completely takes away accountability.  James going to rehab does not change what he did. It does not fix what he’s done. It does not mean that he is magically going to win father of the year because he got sober. More likely, he’s going to continue to the cycle. I truly do not see a way in which we get to the happy ending of the show. Which brings me to my final point. 

This is not a happy ending. Jamie going to see his dad does not fix things. Jamie forgiving his dad does not take away from his trauma. Jamie should not have to forgive his dad, not for James, not for himself, not for anyone. The thing that bothers me most is that the show plays this scene like it’s closure. Like everything is OK now, and they have a good relationship, there’s no fallout, no consequences, nothing left the heal. And I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit. 

The things our parents do and say to us cut deep, at least in my experience. It doesn’t matter if they apologize, it doesn’t matter if they learn and grow, it doesn’t matter if we forgive them. That hurt stays. It sticks. You remember it. You feel it. There is no way in hell that seeing his dad wouldn’t be incredibly difficult for Jamie— just judging from what we’ve seen in the show. There’s no way it wouldn’t bring up all the trauma James has put him through, even repressed. It would not be easy. It would not be happy. And I don’t think it would be healthy. 

Whatever Jamie eventually decides to do regarding his relationship with his dad, whether its cutting him off or choosing to forgive him, which personally, I don’t think he should (but I also know that cutting off a parent is no easy feat), it would take time, it would take effort, it would be a struggle. It would take actually working through the years of abuse and trauma caused by his dad. And we don’t get any of that. We get “forgive <3” and problem solved! And honestly, I think that’s a dangerous message to be passing out. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. (Hehe, get it?) 

[pigeon-system-boys]

Us, with hypersexuality: oh yeah we want sex so so bad

Us, with hypersexuality, when sex happends:

[theshoesofatiredman]

I'm revisiting a part of The High School Survival Guide: Making the Most of the Best Time of Your Life (so far) by Adam Palmer. It's a Christian book despite the fact that the title makes it seem totally areligious, and I read parts of it when I was in high school. It was the first time I ever read about being gay in a book. I found a free version online and while I didn't think the Bible could shock me anymore my mouth dropped open at this:

Apparently the MSG version of this passage really says the quiet part out loud. Gay people aren't even human / lose the knowledge of how to be human. Not sure how that works. There's such a dissonance between the tone of this verse and the tone of the text in the book too.

GEE I WONDER WHY??? How strange that Christians, who believe their sacred text claims that homosexual acts strip people of God, love, and their humanity, view homosexuality as 'icky' and 'gross.' In fact, I would think they'd think much worse in that scenario and treat gay people far worse. In fact, it kinda seems like you're downplaying the absolutely brutal treatment and systemic discrimination of gay people that was carried out in the name of Jesus.

And all of this is being aimed at (presumably Christian) teenagers who think they might be gay. There's no real advice here other than to surrender to god and to seek accountability.

I was keenly aware as a gay Christian that I was at the center of a culture war I did not want to be a part of. People out beyond my religious community were fighting for an acceptance and celebration of homosexuality that I thought was harmful and sinful. People inside my religious community had all kinds of incorrect ideas about gay people and I didn't think there was much space for me to be "out of the closet" even if I stayed single, celibate, and god-fearing. And I had no idea what to do about any of it.

I didn't come out to anyone until after high school. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed, and the weight was still heavy. God did not make it easier, did not lift the burden of homosexuality from me. I had plenty of accountability in my life, constantly watched by helicopter parents with Internet filters, confessing sin regularly in men's groups (both before and after I started to tell people I 'struggled with same-sex attraction). 'Accountability' only served to intensify my shame.

The only time things got easier was when I started to take God out of the equation, when I started to see my sexuality as a part of myself to embrace rather than excise. Christians will drone on and on about how Christ sets people free from their sins. In my experience, to be free of my sin I had to first be free of Christ.

[traumasurvivors]

I've shared this article that I wrote before, but I'm sharing it again because I think it's really important. I am also sharing it because if you want to read it but don't want to click off site, you can read it below the read more.

Many people who have been through trauma are extremely hesitant about sexual activity. It’s important to note that it is not only survivors of sexual trauma that may struggle with navigating sex after trauma. This can happen as a result of any trauma. Survivors may worry about enjoying sex, becoming overwhelmed by memories of trauma, feeling safe, their partner doing things which upset them or any number of other things. These are valid fears, but there are many things that can be done to have a better chance of sexual encounters going well. A history of trauma may mean some changes in what you do in bed or how you prepare beforehand, but it does not at all mean that sex can’t still be really good.

One of the first things to remember is that regardless of your history, with or without trauma, consent is a necessary part of sexual activity. If there is not a freely given yes, consent has not been given. However, it is a lot more complicated than simply needing a freely-given yes. It is also really important to know that consent can be withdrawn at any time, even in the middle of a sexual act. Please see our “what is consent” page for more information.

Questions to ask yourself to help determine whether you’re ready

Everyone is different and there is no sure way to know whether you are ready or not, but here are some questions that might help you sit down with yourself to explore this.

Do you feel safe with the person you are considering having sex with?

When you think about having sex, how do you feel? If the answer is panicked, uncomfortable, scared or any other negative emotion, it might be best to come back to this at a later time.

Why do you want to have sex? If it’s due to pressures from someone else, or even societal expectations, it’s best to stop and be sure that it’s because it’s what you want.

Are you able to talk about sex with the person you want to have sex with? (Includes things like boundaries, STIs, birth control, etc)

The answers to these questions may not be enough information to decide whether you are ready, but hopefully they will be a start that helps you to figure it out for yourself. One of things that can help to find answers is communication with your potential sexual partner.

Communication

Communication is incredibly important when you are sexually involved with someone. The categories after this are “before” “during” and “after” sexual activity. Communication is discussed separately because there should be communication happening during all these stages.

Before you do anything sexual with someone, it is a good idea to talk about your boundaries and the issues you may have with sexual activity. You may want to talk about your trauma, but it’s completely okay if you are not comfortable talking about it or just do not want to do so. With that being said, it is probably a good idea to at least talk about some of the ways your trauma might affect what happens, such as if you might freeze up or have trouble speaking or worry about being triggered in some way. If you are not comfortable speaking to someone about having sex and possible boundaries, they may not be the right person to explore the bedroom with.

It is possible that someone may feel panicked or triggered during sexual encounters, and as a result, may freeze. It is a good idea to come up with a non verbal signal for “stop” in cases where someone is concerned that they may become stressed, panicked or otherwise unable to verbally say “stop.”

It’s also a good idea to plan for multiple check-ins during your activity, as this helps with potential situations where a person may freeze entirely and be unable to use even non-verbal signals to communicate. There can be a way to do this in a “sexy” and fun way that doesn’t break the mood. For example, you can ask your partner to check in with you by saying a variety of things like “does this feel good?” or “talk dirty to me.” It’s important that your partner understands that not getting a signal, verbal or otherwise, may indicate that you are experiencing a “freeze” response and that it’s better safe than sorry for them to stop all activity immediately. If possible, having a plan for “freeze” responses is ideal. These plans may include grounding techniques or ways for your partner to help calm and ground you.

It’s okay if you are not ready for certain things, but feel you may be ready in the future. It’s okay if there are certain things you feel you will never be willing to do. It’s okay if you are ready for things and then later decide you are not ready for the same things. It’s okay if you are ready to do things with one person but not with another person. It’s okay to say no to some things, or to everything. It’s okay to say “stop” at any point during sexual activity. It is good to communicate with any potential partner about all of these things. Clearly set boundaries are beneficial to everyone involved. If you hesitate to tell a potential partner about something you do not feel ready to do because you feel like they may not take it well, that may be a signal to consider whether they are the right person to do this with.

Before sexual activity

There are many things you can do before sexual activity in order to improve your chances of having it go well. Some of these are things you can do with your potential partner, but one of the things that might be most helpful is to explore things by yourself and figure out what feels good for you. You may find it beneficial to be able to communicate about that to any potential partner.

Another extremely important thing to do is to make sure you feel safe with the person, especially if you have had sexual trauma. Feeling emotionally safe is important. While this is something that seems to be more likely within a relationship, it is definitely possible with casual encounters and one-night stands. A lot of times, feeling heard and respected can go a long way. Having a level of physical comfort with the person you are planning sex with could also be very helpful. If you are in a relationship with them, you may want to spend time beforehand with each other’s bodies in non-sexual ways like dancing or cuddling.

During sexual activity

There are a lot of potential pitfalls to be avoided when having sex with someone else, especially if one or more people have trauma. One useful thing to remember is that other than the need for consent, there is no rulebook for how sex “must” happen. While many media portrayals may suggest certain conditions or acts that are necessary, there is no actual requirement beyond what the people involved decide to do.

This means that if you do not want to do some of the things that are often shown as being done by people before they have sex, you do not have to do them. For instance, many people like to kiss as they are working their way up to sex (whether in the long term, like days beforehand, or the short term, like minutes beforehand) but many others do not like to kiss. This also applies to other acts described as sexual but less “serious” than sex, such as touching each other in sexual ways, or oral sex. Some people like to take all their clothes off before sex, but others may prefer to keep a shirt, and/or other clothes on. Also, many movie scenes of sex show it being done in the dark, but this is not at all necessary. Having the lights off could be actively triggering for trauma survivors. If you choose to have the lights on brightly, that’s completely fair and reasonable.

Trauma can also cause physical issues with sex. One of these potential issues is vaginismus, a condition where the vagina tightens involuntarily in reaction to an insertion. This may be any insertion, including a tampon, or it may only be some insertions. This condition can make penetrative sex extremely painful. It can develop after trauma even if a person has previously enjoyed that type of sex. There are several possible methods of treatment. If you are concerned that you may have vaginismus, you may wish to consult a doctor. A therapist may also be able to help. Another potential issue is erectile dysfunction. Again, consulting a doctor or therapist may be useful in treating this condition. One other issue is that some say it can be harder to reach an orgasm after trauma, and focusing on that might add to stress. Focusing on current pleasure over orgasm might help. It should also be noted that even without any experience of trauma, many people with vaginas rarely or never have vaginal orgasms - so difficulty in orgasming may have nothing to do with trauma.

After sexual activity

There may be unexpected responses to the ending of sexual activity. Even if the activity was good and fun, some people may experience a mood drop. This may have nothing to do with your actual mood and everything to do with the chemistry involved in intense activities like sex. It does not mean that the experience was bad. During these activities, chemicals such as adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine and oxytocin may all be mixing together in the brain to make you feel extremely good. After sex, levels of these chemicals in the brain can drop, sometimes very quickly. This is what causes a mood drop.

In trauma survivors, there may also be a feeling that they are somehow “dirty” or “wrong” for what they just did. It may be important to plan for time afterwards. Some people find cuddling with their partner can help with the emotions, whereas some people prefer to practice their own self-care and self soothe instead. Some people even have a “self care” box for after that includes a variety of things that may be helpful. Some examples may include: a comfort item, a tasty treat (like chocolate), a favourite movie or other calming things. If there are things that your partner can say or do to help, make sure to communicate that with them.

Other things to consider

There is no way to completely eliminate the risk of problems in sexual activity caused by trauma, but there are many ways to reduce the risk. On top of the points discussed above, here are some other suggestions:

When you are considering what might happen during sex, come up with a plan for what you and/or your partner can do if you are triggered, in order to ground you or otherwise help you get through it. Be patient with yourself. You may think you will be able to do things but find that you freeze, or react badly. You may stop things and later think “I could have pushed past that” - but it’s much easier to say that in hindsight than to decide on the right way to go in the moment. If you’re unsure in the moment, being more cautious is probably the safer choice, but you have control and should be the only one who decides. (Side note - if your partner cannot be patient with you, it might be best to re-examine that relationship.)

If you are seeing a therapist, you may want to talk about this with them. They may be able to help you work through your motivation for activity and help you to decide if you are ready or not. If you already had been sexually active when your trauma happened, it is possible what works for you will change, and that’s okay.

At the end of the day, remember that it’s okay to enjoy sex. But it’s also okay if you don’t enjoy sex. You should never feel pressured in any way to participate in sexual situations and it’s really valid if you aren’t ready - or if you are never ready.

[whoviandoodler]

one of the things that makes mdzs SUCH a great story is the fact that it's a tragedy with queer protagonists, but their queerness isn't the cause or the center of the tragedy. it's not even related, really. it's a story about love and loss and wrong and right, about what we owe each other and what we owe ourselves, about how you can find joy even amidst chaos and grief; its complexity and tragedy is what makes it so profound and touching. sure, there's 'casual' queerphobia in the story, but with everything else going on, it's not really relevant- wwx's mostly like, 'oh, i like guys? i like lwj? i love lwj? fuck, what if he doesn't love me back? am i being presumptuous to think he returns my feelings? what do I do now?' followed by 'wait, he loves me back??? we're getting married IMMEDIATELY', and that whole attitude is very refreshing because sometimes you just want to read a queer story that isn't about queer suffering but that's still incredibly miserable, and i think we as a queer community deserve it

[uwu-scraptrappy]

Consider the Venus Flytrap and the Eye Vacuum. Both traps have to do with the eyes, but one must sacrifice the eye, while the other must save the eyes. Why are we not shipping the guys in the traps.

Consider this; Michael (Venus Flytrap) entrusting the janitor (Eye Vacuum) with the knife to cut out the key in his eye. As the janitor saws away at Michael's eyeball to get the key, Michael is flicking the dial to break the janitor's fingers, and through them begging the other not to die, to just hurt them because if they don't they both die, they survive. Can you imagine that. Come walk with me. I'll guide you.

[chrysalis-the-butterfly]

Four Headcanons About Jessica Rabbit

(Original post here.)

Headcanon A: Realistic

Jessica has a certain type of laugh that only Roger can cause. It's loud, it's long, and it sounds a bit like a witch's cackle. It doesn't fit her femme fatale persona at all.

Headcanon B: While It May Not Be Realistic, It Is Hilarious

Jessica has a little sister - sort of. Another animator attempted to copy Jessica's design and create his own version of her, but a mistake on the model sheet meant he ended up with a curvaceous redhead who was only six inches tall, not six feet tall. The animator cast her out, and Jessica took her under her wing.

The six-inch toon now goes by Joellyn Krupnick. She's smart, bookish and slightly shy, and she's determined to help make life better for other "fun-size" toons. She works as an architect and landlady, building and renting out apartments and houses that are suitable for smaller toons. (Two of her tenants went on to become the stars of a cartoon called Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers.)

Jessica regards Joellyn as her (very) little sister, and the two women get along well.

Headcanon C: Heart-Crushing and Awful, But Fun to Inflict on Friends

Jessica's maiden name was Jessica Joy. She used to work at the Peacock Palace, a theatre located on the outskirts of Toontown and close to the tunnel to the "real world". She was one of many "Peacock Ladies": humanoid toon women who would put on shows for the (usually male human) audience. They wore revealing costumes in different shades of blue with plenty of peacock feathers.

Jessica's owners were two brothers called Rocco and Dominick DeGreasy. They did not treat their Peacock Ladies very well at all. The Ladies didn't just sing and dance; they had to be open to "private appointments" with customers who had paid extra for the privilege. Anything could happen in these appointments, and it was rarely fun for the Ladies. (In fact, the appointments were where Rocco and Dominick made the most money; the nightly shows were just a respectable face to keep the authorities off their backs.)

Jessica was drawn to be submissive and do whatever the humans told her to do. For a long time, she didn't feel strong enough to try to leave the Peacock Palace, convinced that this was her purpose, her reason for existing, and that she had no choice but to fulfill it.

It wasn't until after Roger burst into her life that Jessica slowly but surely built up the courage to change her situation.

As a side-effect of her bad experiences while wearing those blue costumes, Jessica now hates the colour blue. The only shade of blue she can tolerate is the one in Roger's eyes.

Headcanon D: Unrealistic, But I Will Disregard Canon About It Because I Reject Canon Reality and Substitute My Own

The 1970s were a dark decade for the Rabbits. In 1973, Eddie Valiant passed away. In 1978, Maroon Cartoons went out of business. Roger was deeply shaken by both events. He tried to keep the smile on his face, especially as he looked for work elsewhere, but in private he was much gloomier and less inclined to tell jokes.

Jessica wasn't doing too badly in comparison - she'd released some disco albums that kept her and her husband living comfortably - but she felt powerless to do anything about Roger's depressive state. He'd always been the one cheering her up, not the other way around. She tried to stay strong for his sake, but she couldn't deny that Eddie's death and the collapse of Maroon Cartoons made her feel uneasy too. She needed alone time to process everything - alone time that she wasn't getting while she was caring for Roger.

Then she started having dreams.

In Jessica's dream world, the characters had familiar names, but alien behaviours. Roger had darker fur and an even darker heart. Eddie was alive again, but stripped of his old personality. The DeGreasy brothers were back in the picture. And Jessica herself was just as shallow and cruel as everyone believed she was.

These dreams kept coming, night after night, becoming longer and more detailed each time. Jessica wondered if these dreams contained any clues to help her and Roger get out of their funk.

So she wrote the dreams down.

She wrote and rewrote, refining the scenes as more and more visions came to her. Eventually, her scribbles grew to the length of a novel.

And in 1981, she published that novel.

It was called Who Censored Roger Rabbit? and her pen name was Gary K. Wolf.

Some people at Disney took interest in the novel and wanted to turn it into a film. Jessica was glad to be involved, as it meant she and Roger could get back into acting.

But when Roger came onto the project, he had another idea for the direction the film could take. He remembered Eddie as a hero, and he wanted the whole world to remember him as a hero too. He wanted to tell Eddie's story. Jessica approved of this idea, because Roger's face was lighting up just talking about it.

She'd found it. She'd found the key to his happiness returning. In a roundabout way, yes, but she'd found it.

So the decision was made to create a historical film about how Eddie saved Toontown from being Dipped by Judge Doom. The film was called Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and Roger and Jessica played themselves.

It was a hit at the box office, and it kicked off a revival of interest in the classic cartoons. The 1990s were a golden decade for Roger and Jessica, nothing at all like the dark days of the 1970s.

And it was all thanks to Jessica's deeply weird dreams.