#twitter understood my vision but not enough

[ashdoesfandomarchieved]

we need to talk about homophobic erwin having a crush on levi

[continuumitgirl]

hi!!

so i’ve known ab subliminals, manifesting, shifting for a while, but always had minimal success. i was never able to get the ‘big’ things i wanted.

but since being on tumblr, i learnt about STATES. which i had previously known about when i had read the power of awareness by neville goddard. unfortunately, that didn’t last long as i started watching manifesting gurus on youtube and got clouded with information again. (no hate to sammy ingram) But i watched her a lot. and i never got that much movement even tho i was consistent, it would make me feel guilty if i was t affirming enough. and i would beat myself up, saying to myself “if u really want this, u need to affirm more”. i would do the 10k challenge, 10 min stuff, but it was soooo overwhelming. so much stress because i wanted so many things, and i felt like i didn’t have enough time, i had other stuff to do, so even tho i was consistent, i would stress myself out, wondering if i was doing enough, doing it right, etc.

this mindset was toxic, although i didn’t realise it then. i just would get so upset because i trying to hard. which is why it also took me a min to realise.. that i shouldn’t be trying that hard to get something … u either have it or u don’t! so anyways, one or two weeks ago, i came on here because i was done. i wanted my desires. enough. At first i got swayed by the void stuff, which made me put it on a pedestal . which made me angry, i was like bro not this shit again. i don’t wanna waste another months or years. and somehow i stumbled across states. i’ll admit it took me a second to grasp. i re read the power of awareness. and realised it is simple, once i understood it, i deleted tumblr and focused on my life, while occupying my ideal state.

One thing that i’ve been wanting a lot is to travel this year. I travelled last year a bit with my friend and spent 3 months in another country during the summer and it was phenomenal: i wanted this again for 2023. I want to live my life yk.

Well this morning my mum woke me up to tell me we are going on 2 holidays. one next month and one in easter. Athens, Greece and Verona and Venice, Italy.

i was like omg this is amazing ?? we had talked a bit about it and every time we did i was like “yes. we’re going” in my head. and today we booked those holidays.

Now what’s so special about this? Well i made a pinterest board end of 2022 with places i wanna go def this year!! every time i looked at this board i was like “it’s done” [just the way i think ab every desire, because it is done, it’s mine, it literally comes from my consciousness so it’s inseparable to me]

and yeah!! i have 2 other places on this pinterest board but it’s literally the 31st of January 2023 rn and we’ve already booked for 2 of them so that’s a fucking success. i’m so confident more than ever about my power and how the 3D truly is just a reflection of my consciousness/ state i dwell on often!!!!!

yeah as u can see i literally have athens, venice, paris and amsterdam pics on here as a vision board :))))

i want to thank @0t0mie @lotusmi and @angelsinluv (also to twitter users that explanation states v well and posted motivating content . i don’t rlly use twitter for loa stuff cus my irl friends follow me there but there’s a community over there i would lurk on that encouraged states and helped me understand that the mindless affirming in aim to TRY and get ur manifestation was pointless)

anyways i cannot wait to post more loa success stories. this way of manifesting not only makes so much sense once u grasp it. it literally is so fucking easy and effortless 😩 cannot believe it took me this look to figure it out but honestly its fine. my desires are already mine now. that’s all that matters 😎💪

[2af-afterdark]

Ahem....May I present...Gamigin's dicks and semi-opened slit...this was supposed to be a quick sketch...

The slit is..

..long because it gotta be enough for both of his dicks

..curved because I don't think both of his dicks would fit under his belly button, so instead of placing the second dick above the spot where a normal dick would be, I kind of tried making them "off center" resulting in part of it being under, if that make sense

this is actually my first time drawing and rendering dicks, insides + slick, so don't mind any errors...

UnholyBunnie is nonexistent on Tumblr but it's on Twitter, but I'm not even active on Twitter 👉👈

-🐰

(Please don't nuke this post, Tumbles)

YOU SAW THE VISION 🐰!!! YOU UNDERSTOOD THE DOUBLE DRAGON DICK DREAM! THESE ARE HOT!!! MY THOTS ARE UNHOLY AND I NEED A SHOWER TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN!!!

I apologize for the person I become when he finally drops in game. My attraction to dragon men is unhealthy and I refuse to fix it.

[northwest-cryptid]

So you don't like a social media website, what can you do about it?

I know many share in my feelings towards the way some totally generic and not specific social media website is ran; it's generally unfair treatment of LGBT+ individuals (especially trans women), the way it censors pro-Palestine voices; even just the aggressive monetization capitalizing on user made memes and the like.

Now clearly I'm not speaking on any specific website here, just a hypothetical of course; don't come at me with pitchforks and the ol' deactivation button.

The problem I see more often than not is a sort of mentality that we don't have anywhere else to go. That all the big social media sucks but that there's no alternatives. To which I need to ask you why you think that way? It's very likely that you think that way because you've been conditioned to not know any better. Centralized internet is designed this way, you probably know about a handful of "third spaces" for online social media, things like mastadon, bluesky, or maybe even SpaceHey. However I would argue that only a very small amount of individuals actually know about various webrings, forums, or other community spaces where they are not bound by the whims of a corporate overlord deciding what they can and cannot post.

Look this isn't a put down, I'm not trying to loom over you saying I'm somehow someone who's better, and more educated; and you're some sad centralized social media user with nowhere to go. I understand that many get defensive when I talk about these sorts of things, they view it like I'm talking down to them from my high horse. That's just, not at all the intention and I need you to lower your guard a bit and understand that I'm speaking to you not as someone who deems myself superior, but as a friend who sees you suffering and wants to lend a hand.

I ask you, how many of you actually have your own homepage? A place on the internet just for you? I know a great many people who do, and I know a great many people who don't. I won't say such a thing is absolutely necessary but I do believe it's a good place to start. Imagine if you will, having your own website, a website that can be made to whatever vision you have for it. Your own aesthetics, your own music, your own graphics; whatever layout you may want; whatever posts you may desire to put there. We're not talking about just another social media account with minor customization. We're talking about a space that is entirely your own, where no one and nothing can dictate what you say or do there. Want to write about trans issues? Do it! Literally no one can stop you! That information is now available on the web! Want to write about the genocide and provide helpful links that people can use to donate or provide aid? You can do that too! It's YOUR website, not your tumblr, not your facebook, not your twitter; those aren't YOURS.

As much as we may become attached to our blogs, our social media accounts ultimately belong to the company that provides us with them. I could post art that I spent years making but the second it's uploaded to tumblr, they could just slap it on some merch if it became popular enough. Because ultimately my blog and everything here on it belongs to tumblr; and while some of you may want to fight that notion with legal "got ya"s the truth is that none of us have the money to fight something like that in court even if we're in the right. Which like, we're not; sorry that's just how sites like this function; you don't own anything here, that's why tumblr can just up and deactivate your account if they don't like you; it's why they can sell your posts to AI companies even without your consent.

There used to be a widely understood rule of the internet, a few in fact; that once you put something out there, it was out there; and people would do what they wanted with it. Ultimately it was on you for deciding to put it out there. With the rise of social media becoming something that anyone had access to, and not just those who invested the time in making their own sites; we saw this sort of "ownership" mentality sprout up. This idea that this is MY blog and the things on it are MINE. We forget just how little power we have here, and there's this notion that kicking and screaming about it will somehow change things. It won't.

Look you can debate me on this all day, all you'll be doing is putting more money into the pocket of the company you hate. It doesn't matter if you use ad block, it doesn't matter if you don't buy their merch; if you're making posts on this site you're adding to it's user activity. That's what investors are looking at, that's what advertisers are looking at; that is what tumblr's success is based on.

You want to send a message? Silence yourself here.

But I get it, I do; that's not easy. Because we've become dependent on social media like this. Fun fact it's actually not an addiction! Addictions are scientifically defined as being something that alters your brain chemistry. Things like pornography, or even doom scrolling on things like tiktok are not addictions. They're actually just the easiest method of obtaining dopamine; something our brain wants. So when we start to run low on dopamine (something that happens very easily in people with depression and the like) our brain has been taught to turn to the quickest and easiest method of obtaining it. This is why when you're bored you likely open social media, scroll for a bit; close it and then open it again. You're not addicted, you're dependent. The reason I say this isn't just because it's something I see a lot of people talking about; but also because I think it's important to understand you can actually flip that dependency to something else. That may sound bad but I want you to consider, if you come to tumblr and you get upset about the way things work here, and you surround yourself with negativity; and sure it gives you dopamine to see numbers go up as notes flood in on popular posts and you maybe see a funny meme. Is that really "healthy" as much as say, surrounding yourself with conversation about things you like, positivity; and generally good things you enjoy? Sure it's social media either way, but at least now you're not negative and stressed constantly.

Regardless, I say all of this because I want to introduce you to something; the Web Revival Movement. You may have heard of this before, you may not have. You may not know what it means, and perhaps seeing the word "movement" is scary because it sounds like something with an agenda or rules or something it expects of you.

Eh, don't worry it's nothing of the sort... well not really; let me explain.

The Web Revival Movement goes by a few names, with this being the most popular I've seen. From what I understand the name comes from the Folk Revival, which promoted humanity, creativity, and equality during a time when it was heavily favorable to simply rely more and more on machines for everything. The Web Revival Movement aims to promote those same values during a time of relying more and more on digital means.

"Well hold on-" you might say, "this sounds like you're trying to tell me to get off the computer and go touch grass or something..."

I can understand where you may think this way, but believe me it's not like that. It's more about reclaiming the technology we use in our day to day lives.

This is why I mentioned earlier, you don't own your blog. You likely don't own a lot of what you use, not really. It's entirely likely that everything from your computer, to your phone, to even your car if you have something modern; is updating or collecting your data without your consent. How many times have you been fed up with your technology forcing updates? How often have you had to switch web browsers because the one you're using decided to do something shady? How often have you had to try to shield yourself from the ever present eyes of data collection?

Say before we continue, this site uses cookies; would you like to accept all of them... or just the ones I personally deem "necessary" for you to use this site? No is not an option :)

The Web Revival movement is about asking what you want from the tech you use, what do you want from social media? What do you want from your phone? From your computer, or even just websites?

When you hear "Web Revival" you may believe it has to do with exclusively bringing back the "old web" but that's not the case. It's about reviving what made the web so great in the early days of it's creation. The freedom of expression, the excitement of creation; the ownership you had over your experience.

In fact, the Web Revival Movement isn't even a singular movement; rather it's a collective of groups who all share the same manifesto in some way or another.

If you're curious what binds all these groups to the same collective, let me explain. At the forefront of the movement is creativity, you create this space, not the companies who want to censor you and control what you do and what you say. Your ability to design your own space, and do with it as you please is essential. Likewise, on the flip side we're very anti-corporate. We're tired of the constant monetization, data collection, targeted ads, we don't want to be a product to be harvested and sold. We want to be people! Speaking of people, the web should be a fun and friendly place. We uplift and support one another, creating a space that's fun and exciting to explore. We want to create a place for everyone, without paywalls, without boarders; it's not my fandom vs your community here. We're in this together, and we're all friends here. Likewise, when we create, we do so out of love for the craft. You make your own website because it's a place for YOU, not to market something to me, not to be popular; not to win points or fame. You create what you want because you want to! The freedom to create is important to us, whether it's digital or physical; and many will tinker with or modify as a form of protest for the way centralized internet tries to make us all use the same tech and fit the same mold. Lastly we're anti NFTs, we're anti crypto; we're anti unethically trained AI. We're not here for fancy buzzword tech.

We create what we can and make the web a bigger and better place for it.

I ask you, seriously; genuinely. Do you want to be marketed? Do you want to become a product for a company to harvest and sell? Do you want to be treated like less than a human? To be deactivated when you're no longer profitable? Is this what any of you want? It's not what I want.

Our goal is to combine what was great about the old web and what's great about the now; while making sure we don't allow greedy corps into it.

We don't want you to go "touch grass" we want you to help us build a sense of community, and optimism in the technology that exists today. There's no need for it to be perfect, we just want you to take the first step! To try something, to create something!

If you've made it this far and you're reading this going "yeah! YEAH!" Then I challenge you, go here to Neocities -> https://neocities.org/

Now sign up, use a throwaway email or whatever I don't care. Just name your website whatever you want; do the tutorial if you don't know HTML very well, or even look up layout builders! There's a ton of options out there! You don't need to know how to code you can pick it up as you go.

Make SOMETHING, make boring websites, make ugly websites; I don't care! Leave your mark, put something out into the world; this is how you take the first step!

Look we'll make this easy, we'll do it together; no I know that sounds cheesy and lame and stupid but hang in there for just a second stay with me here please. If you've made it this far I want to make it as easy for you as I can!

First off, go ahead and open that "index.html" file selecting "edit" when mousing over it! Neocities should have given you a few files in the "edit my website" part of the site. We're mostly concerned with index.html right now.

Now go ahead and get rid of the text there, and we'll be starting from scratch okay? Don't worry this is gonna be easy!

So we're coding a website right? So we need to create a space for that website, let's do that now, add the following:

<html>

</html>

^ Whenever we add something to the code, it's going to need to go inside these little < > brackets, that's how the code knows what we want. Likewise, we're going to need to group things within a sandwich of sorts. Think of the <HTML> sandwich as being the space your website is in. In other words if I do this:

<html>

</html>

<p> This is text I want displayed on my website :D </p>

^ The text won't show up! It's outside of the website bounds right?

We use the same command as the start of a command, to end the command; but we include a / before the command prompt to denote it's ending.

<p> is a paragraph command! That means it will display text we write between the opening bracket <p> and the closing bracket </p>!

Now, let's actually recreate the starting paragraph of this post but as a website!

First we'll start off by creating the space for the website, to do that we'll use the html command:

<html>

</html>

Now inside that we'll include a few things. First let's use <body> to tell the website that we want this text displayed on the "body" of the website. Think of a website in parts as accordingly:

The <head> will go above the <body> and the <body> will go above the <foot> that much likely makes sense to you:

This is a fun example because it will show you how forgiving HTML really is! Notice how both <head> and <body> don't require me to include end tags? You don't necessarily NEED the </head> and </body> calls for it to understand because it already has the starting tag of <body> for <head> and <foot> for <body>!

Your website would look like this:

But that's not recreating the opening of this text post is it?

In fact, we started with a large title! So then how can we make titles?

Turns out there's a lot of ways!

If that's all too small to read in pictures:

The <h1> </h1> command/tag creates a header, you can actually use h2, h3, and so on as necessary!

Then you have commands like <strong> and </strong> to create bold text!

You cal additionally use <big> </big> to make text larger, and you could combine this with <strong><big> </strong></big> if you wanted it to be larger and bold!

Then you have things like color, which can be set using the style tag!

<p style="color:red;"> for example, will make all the text inside the paragraph tag brackets red!

That means our code would look something like this:

And since Tumblr hates images that's super tiny, sorry!

Now granted, this is pretty bare bones, but it exists! The eagle eyed among you might even note that my code is actually not 1 to 1 with this, because I had used the <strong> </strong> tag on the words "deactivation button" for fun, but then deleted that bit of text for the screenshot. So hey, good on you if you caught that!

There are tons of cheat sheets out there for commands and tags, there's tons of different sites that will teach you about how to code in HTML, and the best of all is; no one cares/minds if this is what your site ends up being, if it's just some text on a page that you personally created and put out there. If that's all you want to create, that's fine! I think it's ultimately something you'll want to get better at and learn and improve with, but it's not something you NEED to. You can get involved through finding forums or other decentralized spaces to be a part of.

Now, if you'll allow me to further prompt action from you; I want you to go to the Neocities' search page, I want you to think of a tag, any tag; what are you into?

Anime? Games? Writing? Anything! Search for it, and go through other people's websites. Get lost going through web rings, click links and see where it takes you!

In fact, if you see something you like, right click on it -> Inspect Element and you can literally copy that bit of code to your own website and then you can swap out whatever link, image, or text was there with whatever you want! No one is going to mind, that's not stealing! Imitation is the greatest form of flattery!

Challenge yourself to find links that lead you to other places, find forums and explore the posts there, maybe sign up and say hi; go sign guest books on pages that have them.

THIS is the web! You're not limited to some poorly ran generic centralized social media site that is totally non-specific and doesn't rhyme with "...umblr" or something.

Remember, if it's shit, hit da bricks! Cultivate these online spaces, they may not be popular now; that's fine! They can be cultivated into something better when people are willing to come out and accept the wider internet culture! It's different, and I get that might be scary; but it's free and it's beautiful and it's fun! So get out there and make the web a bigger and better place! Stop feeling chained to the centralized web!

[writteninscarlet]

hc + 🏠 for a home-themed headcanon && hc + 📱 for a media-themed headcanon

Thematic Headcanon Meme ;; accepting

home;; also answered here

"Home is where the heart is. That's what they say, right?" An amused smile played across her features. "I suppose that's right, because there's not been many buildings or places I'd call home but a lot of people that I consider my home."

"My current home is a little apartment in Lotkill, New York. It's by my shop. It's... pretty sparsely decorated. Turns out living above a shop I own has it's hazards, you know? No point decorating when it's likely to be destroyed." Of course, she had magic to 'fix' things, putting them back together, but it simply wasn't the same. She also spent only a short amount of time within her home these days - most time was at work, out on a job, or round someone elses' place. It was home, it just wasn't where she spent a lot of time. Was her heart there? "I enjoy Lotkill. It's a community. I'm near enough the city to be able to help, which is nice. But I also feel like my own person. It took me a while to settle in, but I know most of the local community now in Lotkill. I help out with fundraisers. Some of the local shops and I do trades. We help each other out - I feel welcome. So yes. I feel that Lotkill is home."

bonus;; there really have been very few places or buildings wanda would call home. growing up with romani adoptive parents, they were always on the move as a child. in total, any building she's lived in as an avenger (the tower, the mansion), the house she shared with vision, and where she is now are 'home'. she's had a few other apartments, nice places. good places. but there was no 'pang' or sadness in leaving them except perhaps a slight feeling of being sad to lose some sense of freedom having her own place. she enjoys living by herself because there is that freedom to do as she pleases; whether it's her own time schedule because she's often nocturnal, her own eating habits and relaxing habits, just all those bits and pieces. but she actually misses living with other people. she loved her home with vision, though she doesn't long for that back exactly. and she loved staying with the team even if there were arguments and it can be tough to be around so many people. she enjoyed the companionship. wanda won't easily give up having her own place, but she wouldn't mind having a room with the avengers again either.

media;;

"Darcy has set the store up with it's own instagram page. She wanted to do TikTok but decided against it." Wanda didn't really care either way. She understood the value of different advertising schemes, knowing the power that social media held. She wasn't against it. She just didn't feel it necessary. "She posts more than I do, though I've been in a few pictures."

"But personal social media? All the Avengers had to set up an 'official' account. Promote... I don't know, connectivity, make us easier to reach or seem more approachable? I hardly used it. Then we got hacked. It... uhm, it wasn't great." Probably some things said that no one should say, let alone heroes. She just messaged people she knew anyways these days, and magical means for some others. Plus she didn't have the time. It wasn't that Wanda was against social media. She watched things with Darcy now and again, and she could value staying connected. It really was the time more than anything else. "I do have my own instagram, but I can't remember when I last posted. And twitter, uh, X, too. But again, I haven't posted in ages. Sometimes I watch funny videos."

bonus;; wanda used to have a problem, sometimes still does, with people impersonating her on social media. it's one reason why she does have her own actual accounts. she doesn't always mind, if it's fun or isn't anything big - but she knows the power and sway heroes can have. some people follow the crowd. so she does make some posts now and then, or has it at least verified in some way so she can show that the fake accounts aren't hers. she really doesn't have anything against it, but she's more of a browser than posting things herself. she values her privacy, for one, but also has no idea what she would even post. do people want to see her doing yoga? spell practice? outfits? hairstyles? travel out to places? when she meets friends? she isn't so sure.

[corpsedaydream]

Hi! I dont know if you write this, but can i request for angsty-fluff imagine for corpse? Maybe when you’re jealous? Thank u❤️ love ur writings

u ask for jealousy and angst, and i said hell fucking yeah

hope u enjoy! 

word count: 1.6k

_________________________

it’s fine

Corpse was ever so charismatic. It was something about him that was impossible to deny. Even when he would get misjudged by people, thinking he may be this intimidating presence purely because of how he dressed and sounded, it would only take a few exchanges of sentences between him and a stranger for them to instantly change their mind and feel drawn to him, instead. You knew this better than anyone, after all, it had been one of the factors in what had made you fall for him so hard and so fast.

The only issue was that, sometimes, he could have the same effect on others and, sometimes, when you caught someone else clearly having some heart eyes for your man, that brought forth the little green monster inside of you. He was magnetic, and as happy as you were that the world was so intrigued by him and he was having all the success he deserved, you couldn’t deny that there was a part of you that wished that magnetic pull only worked on you.

It seemed there were certain days when Corpse managed to turn on this charismatic side of him even more so. Today had happened to be one of those days. It was good, because it was a day the two of you had planned to spend together. But when you went out to lunch and the server definitely let her hand rest on his arm a little too long and said things a little too flirtatious and hardly acknowledged your presence, you started to lose that good feeling.

You didn’t say anything about it, even though you kind of wished he would have figured that him giving the girl a back and forth was encouraging her more and upsetting you further. But you were determined to have a good day with your boyfriend, you didn’t want to start any drama with him.

He asked you if you were okay on the way back to his place, noticing you were being quiet. You told him you were and left it at that, even if you did want to say more.

Finally, in the safety of his home that was like a bubble in which was just for the two of you, you were feeling better. Quality time was your love language and his was physical touch, something you could both give each other with ease when there was no outside interruption. Between the little talks, the exploration of hands over each other, the giggles that turned into wiping tears of laughter from your face and shared kisses, you swore you could spend the rest of your life like this and be happy.

And then the bubble burst.

“Ah, shit, (Y/N).” He began, and the mood between you instantly changed.

“What?”

“They need a tenth player right now and no one else can get online.” He had promised that today was about you. And usually, you would be completely okay with him going and joining in on the streams, often you loved sitting by him and watching him get so invested in the games. Except lately, you’d been feeling at an arms length from him and you hated it. You wanted his undivided attention today.

“And?” You were being short with him, you wanted him to know you weren’t okay with this right now.

“It’ll just be a few games...”

You let out a huff and turned your head to the side, looking away from him. You were being stubborn. You didn’t want to tell him what to do, you wanted him to figure it out on his own, that you didn’t want him to play and wanted him to stay right here in this moment with you.

“You can come sit with me?” He spoke again as you remained silent, seemed as if he wasn’t figuring it out.

“Just go play. It’s fine.” It wasn’t fine.

-

Sitting on your own now, you felt bare without your limbs being all tangled with his beneath the blanket like they were earlier. You had tried to turn on the television to watch something, but everything on just seemed to annoy you.

With a sigh, you pressed your hands to your knees and stood up, walking towards Corpses gaming room. At first, you were going to walk in, giving in to the want that was craving to be by his side, but upon hearing a number of female voices, that jealousy appeared inside you again and you walked away.

It was slightly irrational, you knew these people were his friends, but today had really gotten to you.

At an attempt to distract yourself, you opened up Tik Tok, but all your for you page seemed to be was more girls wanting your boyfriend.

“Fucking hell.” You said out loud, closing the app and opening up Twitter next. But you should’ve known it would’ve been worse on there, Corpse seemed to be trending every day on that app, you told yourself you really should have known better for that one.

However, the next social media app click was deliberate. You knew that Corpse had been reposting stories of people using his song and you decided on treating yourself to some more sweet torture. And sure enough, his story was filled with more girls. Firing that jealousy and insecurity you had been feeling today even more.

“Fuck this.” You announced, standing to your feet and feeling tears of frustration build in your eyes.

Once you had finished gathering your belongings, you were just about to make an exit when that crazy thing of timing pulled a fast one on you as Corpse emerged from his gaming room.

“What are you doing?” He questioned you, spotting your hand gripping the handle on his front door.

Seeing him should’ve made you feel better, but it only caused more tears to well up, so you quickly looked away from him.

“I’m going home.”

“What-no, why?” He came closer to you then and you turned more towards the door.

“Because you obviously don’t want me here.”

“What the fuck? (Y/N), of course I do. What are you even saying right now?” He was by your side now, grabbing your hand from the handle and holding it in his. His other went up to cup your cheek, tilting your head up to face him and that’s when he saw the glaze of tears in your eyes. “Hey, baby,” Worry sparked up in him. “You’re upset...” He stated the obvious and you shook your head out of his grip, directing your vision to the ground.

You thought he might create some distance between you both when you did that, but instead, he did the opposite. He pulled you into a tight hug, one arm wrapping snugly around your waist and his other hand resting on the back of your head to encourage you against him.

“Don’t, I’m going.” You spoke, but your words were meek, you didn’t actually want to leave and he knew that.

“No. You’re not.” He argued back, his arms pulling you in even closer. “I want you here.” He told you and that’s what made you snap.

“No you don’t!” Your voice got louder, matching the movements of you bracing your arms against him and pushing him back, breaking the human contact. He was in shock, watching you with cautious eyes. “If you did, you would’ve spent time with me and only me today. You wouldn’t have left me alone!” You became more emotional as you spoke, a few tears managing to spill onto your cheeks.

“Baby-”

“No!” You cut him off. “Don’t ‘baby’ me right now.” You took a moment to wipe under your eyes before continuing because you knew this next admission would cause you some more tears. “You know how hard it is to compete it with every other girl who’s all about you right now? They’re everywhere, and they’re all so fucking beautiful. I know you see them, I’m not them, Corpse.” Your voice broke into a sob as his name left your lips and he felt his heart break to see you in that state.

He wasn’t sure if you still needed space, but he couldn’t stand in front of you while you cried and not do anything. So instead, he once again brought his arms around you, but this time he scooped you up, encouraging your legs to hook over his hips so he could carry you.

You continued to cry against his neck as he walked the both of you to his room and when he placed you down onto his bed, he was instantly beside you, cradling you against him.

“I need you to listen me,” He began once you had started to calm down, he wanted to make sure you paid attention. “You are so important to me. So fucking important to me, (Y/N).” His eyes were boring into yours and he brought his hand up to wipe the wetness from your cheeks before continuing. “I don’t want you to be anyone else.” He was speaking with force, but it wasn’t aggressive, he was wanting to make sure that you really understood the depth to his words.

“It’s just, everyone seems to want you and I’m just-”

“Don’t you dare put yourself down.” Corpse cut you off before you could finish. For a moment, he pressed his lips to your forehead before moving his face back so he could look at you again. “I only want you. You’re it for me, baby.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“With my whole fucking heart.”

“I love you, I really love you.” You told him, your emotions were still running high, but you were feeling a whole lot better.

“I love you, too.”

[bkdkology]

A Katsuki Meta

Howdy, I am back on my shit again after Atsushi’s twitter post of Horikoshi’s drafts made me cry for two hours and sleep for three.

Let’s get to it!

While there is obvious symbolism in this draft of Katsuki letting go of his past self, you have to appreciate just how much planning has been dedicated to this series, and how Horikoshi has managed to take a character that could’ve strictly followed a checklist of stereotypes for a hot headed, short tempered deuteragonist and build him to become just as complex and important as the protagonist.

He kept true to the promise he made when the chapter releases were still in the single digits:

Katsuki’s character is one of the easiest to mishandle. He was introduced as a bully, and maintained an explosively vile personality throughout a good chunk of the series. His most obvious traits are the marks of a FOIL to Deku, and he could have well stayed that way and still ended up becoming a good pro, with the usual AHA moment that a deuteragonist like him experiences: a moment where he learns that power isn’t everything.

Except he didn’t have a moment, he had several. He was kidnapped, tossed around, ripped to shreds, challenged, loved, trusted, admired, understood and practically reborn. The fact that he’s managed to stay true to himself after everything means he always had the makings of a great hero in him.

I wouldn’t say I’m a person who’s particularly capable of insane and correct deep level thinking, and on top of that I’m INCREDIBLY EASY to impress. For me it’s like:

You know how Earth needed to be at the exact distance it is from the sun and have the perfect atmosphere to create life? Katsuki’s story is much like that.

If anyone else but Deku had been telling the story, if Deku hadn’t been as persistent, strong willed, and caring as he is, and if everything that happened to Katsuki didn’t happen in the exact order and manner it did, he wouldn’t have been as great as he is now. And while that’s simple enough to say, it’s truly such a beautiful thing to bear witness to.

We’re 300 chapters and nearly 6 years into MHA and we’ve seen.

Katsuki go from refusing to work with others to becoming a great team leader.

His focus has always been on one thing: victory. In almost every situation, he’s had his eye on the win. It wasn’t always the case when Deku was involved, because Deku was so different from him in a way that made him feel threatened. And it’s something that has most likely been on his mind for a long time.

He’s become more comfortable with his vision since his fight with Deku, and it was probably liberating in an emotional sense too. His fight with Deku didn’t just realign and solidify his own views on life, but made him more accepting of himself and absolved him of some of his heaviest insecurities.

Katsuki letting go of his superiority complex to better himself.

In the days leading up to his fight with Deku, he was also fighting an internal battle for “being the reason behind All Might’s end.”

I wouldn’t argue that he was feeling guilty. While it was surely part of it, it shouldn’t be minimized to only guilt. The expressions on his face throughout the fight were incredible, he was angry, frustrated, confused, scared, quite clearly as he claimed, he just didn’t know what the hell he should do, so he fought.

By the time he interned at Endeavor’s agency, he was already well aware that he had faults, which is a huge step for him, and he was beginning the process of pinpointing those faults.

His unwillingness to work with Deku dissolves

After reaching a certain point in the manga, it’s become hard for me to imagine a time when Katsuki full on rejected Deku. In the first few volumes Katsuki got worse before he got better. He was in a comfortable position bullying Deku in middle school, but when he started to experience failure, when he witnessed Deku becoming stronger at a faster rate than him, he couldn’t even enjoy the fact that he was going to school where his favorite role model was teaching.

Now, after everything, Katsuki was opening up to Deku. They started training together to help Deku gain control of OFA. And not just that, Katsuki was invested in the long term. While he shared the secret of OFA with Deku long before anyone else found out about it, he later started to shoulder some of the weight too, and he was good at it.

He called small might out for keeping secrets from Deku, claiming Deku trusted him with his life, but he wasn’t as easily convinced, pointing out a detail in the descriptions of the past users that might’ve gone over Deku’s head. He’s always been brilliant, but now he’s using that brilliance to actively try to become involved with Deku’s burden.

He’s changed in obvious ways, but in subtle ones too.

After so much time, this panel is still really hard to look at. If you’ve ever suffered at the hands of bullies, you probably feel like there’s little satisfaction in their story even though so much has changed between them, there’s still a long way to go, there’s still a huge piece missing. Deku is way too forgiving, I don’t think he ever held anything against Katsuki for the way he treated him in the past. Katsuki is still hard with words, since the last time he bullied Deku, he has never said anything he doesn’t mean.

Katsuki has never been the type to lie. He doesn’t beat around the bush, he doesn’t pretend to be somebody he’s not, and while that part of him hasn’t changed, the way in which he delivers has. His heart has changed, and while I don’t recall a moment where he hasn’t been able to live up to his big claims, his confidence has changed from being used to mask his insecurity, to a healthier confidence that can lead, support, protect, and save.

To think that this moment is the moment that solidified Katsuki’s path to greatness, the fact that his capabilities and brilliance have always made his future bright, he’s gone above and beyond his own expectations of the world and how it works. In the world of scientific journals, there is always a gap in the knowledge of the scientific community, a gap in the understanding of how the world works. When you find that gap, something incredible happens.

He let go of the past. Katsuki, who envisioned a life where he made it big because he knew he could. Katsuki, who was always self driven. Katsuki, who loves the taste of victory. Katsuki, who categorized the world and people around him in terms of power. Katsuki, who believed only the powerful could become strong.

Deku was the one thing in his life that didn’t fit in his picture of the world. To him, his understanding of how the world worked was defined by the strong, the weak, the good and the bad. He couldn’t understand how empathy and vulnerability could make someone strong.

I’m really excited to see where Katsuki goes from here. There’s still so much for him to discover, and he’s so, so close to the end stage of his metamorphosis.

[dixlov]

How will the mukamis react if their s/o is addicted to social media? Like tik tok, Instagram and spends her days and nights just on her phone?

Mukami brothers with a s/o who's addicted to social media

Ruki:

Most of the time Ruki doesn't care too much about what you do with your life. If you like spending most of your day in front of your phone screen is your decision and he usually wouldn't interfere but lately, your addiction has become worse than before, sometimes you skip meals only to keep watching a truly long YouTube video or end up arriving late to class because you lost track of time while scrolling down through Twitter. This is what caused Ruki to finally step in, he decided to confiscate your phone for three days.

"Three days?!? That's too much! You could've just asked me to use it less!" You complained to him. "I did. I did it multiple times" But you couldn't recall hearing him even a single time. "I'm sorry but if you give me my phone back I won't use it anymore, just give it back to me!" No matter how hard you tried he wasn't going to believe you. "The more you complain the more days it will remain with me. I will keep it for a week unless you behave." You were about to object but decided to stay silent, following his rules was a safer choice if you wanted to see your phone ever again.

Kou:

Kou uses social media as much as you do, he likes to stay updated and his job requires him to check on them daily but even if he enjoys watching videos with you from time to time or discussing the latest news, it becomes a problem when your whole attention is drifted away by your phone. He would rather have you looking at him instead of a phone screen so when he isn't receiving enough dose of your attention he decides to take action.

"Heeey M-Neko-chan, could you spend some more time with me?" he said with a pout on his face. "Give me five more minutes Kou" you replied. "Eeh? But you have been watching tiktoks the whole day, there's no way those are more interesting than spending time with me." You didn't need to raise your eyes from the screen to notice how frustrated he was, but you didn't reply. Hearing him claim your attention like a little kid was quite endearing so you decided to wait a little more. "Huh? Are you ignoring me? " He sat next to you and soon after moved to get close enough to whisper in your ear "M-neko-chan~, if you keep playing you might get punished~"

Yuma:

Out of all the Mukami brothers Yuma was the most bothered by your big attraction to social media. The problem wasn't that you didn't pay him enough attention or that you were missing classes, the problem was that you kept spending an awful lot of time inside your room while using your phone and Yuma couldn't put his finger on it but for some odd reason seeing you locked inside for hours and hours irritated him more than it should so he decided to intervene.

You were laying on your bed checking your Twitter timeline when suddenly Yuma opened the door of your room "Oi sow, we are going out" "Hm, out? Why?" You questioned in response to his abrupt visit. "Yuma I'm a little busy right now" You added. "If you don't come with me I will drag you out by myself" He said while approaching you. You knew it wasn't a good idea to mess up with him so with a deep sigh leaving your mouth, you left your phone in your bed and decided to obey. "Okay okay, I get it. Where are we going?" He grabbed your wrist and without saying a single word on the way he guided you to his garden. "What are we doing here?" You asked breaking the silence "l need some help with these plants so today you are gonna work for me, understood?" Spending some time with him in the garden wasn't that bad so you agreed. After seeing you nod your head Yuma felt relief, he couldn't understand why but maybe he was worried about you being locked in your room the whole day, after all, he knew that humans need a little sunlight to keep good health.

Azusa:

Azusa's case was a little different from the others, as long as he had your company he didn't care that much if you were looking at your phone or not, instead of being annoyed he was more curious about what kept holding your attention for so long. He used his phone from time to time but he didn't find it near as interesting as you seemed to do so one day he just asked.

"Eve... What are you... looking at?" You were sitting on the sofa so after hearing his question you invited him to take a seat next to you. "Hey! Come here I will show you" you motioned to the sofa with your hands and he sat down, his vision slowly turning to your phone screen. "What is that? Is it.. fun?" Before he came into the room you were checking your Instagram feed. "Oh? You don't know Instagram?" You asked with a hint of surprise in your tone and he shook his head in response. Before you realized you spent the next fifteen minutes explaining to the vampire sitting next to you what was the app you were using and how it worked, he didn't understand why you find it so entertaining but he thought it was nice to see you enjoy it. "Azusa" you called his name with a sudden idea in your mind. "Let's take a picture together so I can post it later, shall we?" You asked him with a bright smile on your face.

[bigwhispersbluebird]

Look into my eyes, and lie

Synopsis: Taehyung and you have been dating for years, serious enough to announce it publicly. Everything was perfect until he starts ignoring you and the only thing that breaks the silence is a rumour that might be the end of this relationship as you know it.

Angst, written from OC's perspective

Warnings: Insinuation of cheating

Author's Note: This will be a two-shot, hopefully.

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing off the hook. Even though I usually turn it to silent before sleeping but last night, I had consciously kept it on the highest volume in hopes that he would call.

Taehyung and I had met when my company was contracted to serve as publicists of Bangtan. Being attracted to one of the members went beyond every code of ethic that I had etched in my brain but there is little to be done when the only thing keeping you sane is a certain boxy smile and its owner's persistence. After a couple years of dating, Taehyung wanted to make it official by announcing it to ARMY, first and foremost. That was when the realisation had hit me that this relationship meant as much to him as it did to me.

While the media had tried to turn the situation against BTS, it was the faith and support of ARMY that helped in finding stability and an easy way through it all. Things had been great since then.

Until now.

Taehyung was out of reach, out of contact for days. Eventhough he had always made time before or atleast squeezed in a call, he had not even bothered to reply to my texts for days. More than angry or upset, it was worry that overtook my senses.

"Perhaps he was busy and finally got time", I thought suddenly when the phone rang again.

I sprang up and immediately started searching for it; hands splayed on the mattress, reaching out for him.

Although, as soon as I saw the notifications, my heart dropped. It was a bunch of calls from my company and hundreds of Twitter notifications. This could only mean one thing: another rumour or scandal.

I unlocked my phone, swiping left on all the notifications, searching for only one that I was looking for. But it wasn't there.

However, there was a message from Namjoon. Simple yet something that scared me to bits.

"I am sorry. Talk to me whenever you can."

What was he sorry for?

I tentatively opened Twitter, and soon I wished I hadn't. Ignorance is bliss and I would give anything to be the fool I was a few seconds ago still waiting on a call from the only person who had the power to shatter me like he just did.

"BTS's Taehyung spotted with a blond through the back alley of his private apartment. Unless Y/N has suddenly had a change of style, we smell something fishy."

Attached was a blurred shot taken through night vision camera. And if I hadn't memorized all the contours of his body, I would have second guessed who that person was for the sake of my sanity. However, one look and I knew that it was him. His arms around the waist of a blond I hadn't seen before. Her face was not visible but she seemed too close to him for my liking.

No, Y/N! Stop acting all paranoid. You know he is not like that. There must definitely be a reason for this image and the situation. And just because someone calls it an affair, doesn't mean it has to be. He would never disrespect you like that. Get a grip.

Repeating the same words in my head, I got up from my bed, ignoring the notifications that were still chiming on my phone. I almost believed what I was telling myself but the lack of explanation on his behalf made me question myself.

Shouldn't he have called me after seeing this? After knowing how it would affect me? Or maybe it is true and he doesn't have the nerve to accept it? Or perhaps, it is too much of bullshit for him to pay attention to it?

Questions after questions popped in my head as I got dressed for work, maybe he would drop by there? Amongst it all, the thing that was worrying me more was not the picture or the news but his absence from my life for so long that he hadn't even bothered replying to me. Whatever happened or didn't happen was about the night before so what was the reason of his anger before that?

Before leaving, I unplug my phone from the charger and once again scrolled through all the notifications. Messages from my friends, even his friends but none from him.

Frustrated, I climb into my car and turn on the music at the highest volume, hoping it would quiet down my brain.

*****

"Everything that has been reported is nothing but a misunderstanding and yet another manipulation of a simple situation to relay a story of your choice. Taehyung and I are still together and very happy and have only to be grateful to our fans that have believed us without reason. He is busy with his work and I am indulged in mine but please don't worry about us."

I turned off the television after watching myself strut inside the office building after giving a speech I wish I had believed with as much confidence as I had faked. But something had to be done about the reporters that had not moved from the building for the last four days. What didn't help the case was that his label had not come out with ANY statement nor were we spotted together. Everyone had assumed that we had broken up after Taehyung cheated. No matter what, I would not let a scandal tarnish his career.

My anger filled speech could not be nitpicked by even the most observant of people. That is what you get after years of being famous and now the head of the leading artist representative label.

But as I sat in my office room, overlooking the city, I could not mute the sound of my heart breaking.

I glanced at the frame on my desk. A picture we had taken on our trip to Rome. A simple one of us on the bike we had rented. Me holding on to his waist and him holding on to me, genuine smiles painted on our lips.

When did everything go so wrong?

I didn't even notice I was crying until my secretary knocked on the door, opening it simultaneously in urgency but soon halting noticing my state.

"It is okay, Kai", I waved at him, wiping at my face with the other.

"Um, apologies ma'am but Mr Taehyung is waiting for you."

My mind went numb. I didn't expect him to come anymore. Not after he had ignored my existence for so long now, acting like we meant nothing.

But he was here. He was here and I wish I had the courage to turn him away but I did not. I wanted to see him. Desperately.

Unable to voice out my thoughts, I just nodded at Kai who understood as he walked out, probably to lead him inside.

I immediately glanced at the mirror on the wall, my self respect intact enough to not let him know how much his indifference had hurt me. I would never give anyone that satisfaction.

But as he walked into the room, his familiar scent overtaking everything reminding me how every part of my own office was full of him. The picture on my desk, his guitar leaning on the farther wall, my side table still full of the lavenders he had bought me a month before, the coat hanger where his baseball cap still stands when we decided to leave our disguises and go on a sudden date. And well me, his from every aspect, body and soul. My heart almost stopped and my brain lost all reasons it had to put up a facade. I just wanted to run to him.

But all the emotions made me so exhausted that I kept sitting there, planted as if I would combust into ashes if I tried moving.

So I stayed, looking at him. Dressed like his usual self, a plain shirt with flared pants and a vitange coat. His hair styled like he had come straight here from work. He must have, I realized as I noticed what time it was.

"Tae...", I tried breaking the silence but all that came out was a meek croak. Clearing my throat, I tried again. "You came here from work?". Again, silence.

"Were you crying?", he said. His expressions stoic but worry shining from his voice and I wanted to burst into tears but I only had my dignity to hold onto right now.

"Not really. Kinda sick I guess so I might look red but I am fine".

I knew he didn't believe me but thankfully he let me live it down.

Moving forwards, he tentatively sat in the chair placed opposite mine and I knew how neither of us failed to realize how foreign that action was when usually he would grab a chair and place it right beside mine, pulling me closer to him until I was between his knees or how he would settle himself on the sofa and pat on it and I would rush to occupy the space beside him.

I tried to swallow another lump forming in my throat. This was his way of showing that things were different. And I wanted to know why. Was it someone else? Or did we just reach the end and I didn't see it coming?

I watched him as he looked down, fumbling with the belt of his coat, which he had not taken off, not expecting to stay long. His face which was always stoic failed to hide how desperately he was searching for words to make everything go away.

I saw it too and it was the only reason why I fought through all my resolve and spoke, not bothering to hide how vulnerable I felt.

"Taehyung, I don't want any explanations", I noticed as his eyes met mine, slowly, all his attention on me, "I don't want to know anything that happened before or anything that happened after you stopped talking to me". I stopped, my heart beating so fast I could hear it thump in my ears. His eyes fixated on me, his expression mimicking mine- awaiting what I would say next.

"Just tell me they lied", I spoke but it came out as a plea, my voice cracking as I tried to maintain eye contact with him through all the tears that were now brimming my eyes. "Tell me that nothing happened between you and the woman in that picture. Just say that and I will never talk about this again. I'll forget that these last few weeks ever occurred in our lives."

Taehyung's eyes did not leave mine, his expression unreadable now. As I continued speaking, his head fell low, trying to hide the tears that were in his eyes too.

"Tell me and I will take your word over everything. Please," I begged, " Please...".

I did not have the energy to continue as emotions overtook me and I helplessly sobbed, my entire body shaking and tears chasing each other down my cheeks. I covered my face with my hands, crying into my palms until I felt familiar warm hands on mine, pulling them to reveal my face.

My teary eyes met his and before I could try to understand what everything meant, he broke the silence, saying each word without breaking  eye contact so I could believe it, "They lied. I can't...I didn't cheat on you...".

As soon as his words reached me, my eyes failing to find a lie, I couldn't hold it in as I burst into tears throwing myself in his arms which were quick to catch me, enveloping around my body tightly showing that he won't let go.

So I cried into him while I felt his own tears dropping on my shoulders.

Nothing mattered. Neither the several days of not talking, nor the reports pouring in since that night. I knew that he was not lying and that was enough to make me let go of everything else.

For now.

[samlizzy71]

A continuation for this drawing

“I hid for so long, eager to be found, afraid that I would be alone forever behind a mask of lies and sadness, pretending to be someone I’m not just so others wouldn’t judge me.

And I hated it, I hated my voice and my body, it was kind of a torture living with them. I was tired of looking into mirrors just to see a stranger cry. I hated the idea that people would never see a girl when they looked at me. I was afraid of what they would see instead.

But then you found me when I was running away from everything, and you gave me someone I could trust. Finally, I could tell my secret, I was not the boy everybody thought I was, and you understood and accepted me with arms wide open.

I finally could be seen for who I was.

But the reflection didn’t change. Still my outsides didn’t match my insides, and you knew that wasn’t right, so you were kind enough as to take me with you and help me be myself.

There I was, putting on the dress you took out of your closet, wearing a wig you still had after beating cancer, making the awkward faces you asked me to do while you were applying makeup to my skin.

Why were you doing all this for me? I thought nobody could see something good in me, I usually felt like a monster, people would reject me if they only knew. I know my parents did. But you were different. You could see beneath my skin. You knew I was hurt, and you wanted me to have the life that should have been mine from the beginning.

Once you finished with my makeup, you lend me a pair of heels, and incredibly, they fitted me so well. Then you took me to the mirror in your room.

And there I was. That was the first time I saw myself in the mirror. For the first time, I didn’t hate the reflection. I saw her cry, but she was no stranger. She was me. I was crying again, but this time, it wasn’t sadness. I was happy.

I didn’t have my glasses, but I could see enough to say that she was beautiful. My vision getting worse every second as the tears filled my eyes, and a big smile on your face, knowing how happy you just had made me.

How could I not fall in love with you?”

Sorry for the long text!

They are two of my OCs, Avelyn, a trans girl running away from her home because her parents rejected her, and Elizabeth, a cis girl with a big heart who understands what is like to have nobody.

I’ll be making more drawings of them and hopefully I also will start a webcomic sometime soon.

Pixiv | Twitter | Instagram

[positively--speculative]

it is extremely so weird to see white women comparing what will smith did to domestic abuse when in reality it is basically putting an end to a situation that has been going on for years Chris rock has always been making fun of Jada and will had enough.

a good wording of my thoughts would be from a twitter account called @/CHRlSTITTIES saying that "white women are often incapable of solidarity with black women because we do not fit their simultaneously individualized and universalised vision of womanhood. they can leap to the defense of a man dragging a black woman because everything's understood through themeselves"

and also in the thread they said " there actually is no problem applying personal experiences of abuse to this situation for them because in their minds their experiences are the be all and end all of womenhood and womenhood for them is often formulated as perpetual, inherent, biologically essential victimhood."

The fact that they're calling this a red flag is very telling. Only white women and white feminists would frame it this way.

[princessofprocrastination]

Not Suitable (Quackity)

MASTERLIST

pairing : quackity x female reader

summary : quackity has always had a specific vision of what he wants his partner to look like and certain qualities he wants in them. unfortunately for you, you are the opposite of what he wants. (ANGST) 

-

as a kid, you loved the whole girly look. you wore dresses, short heels that came in a princess toy set, and wore pink lipstick all the time. 

but as time passed, as you grew older, your look changed completely. you like to say that you simply matured, that it wasn’t at all serious. slowly but surely as you were in your teenage years, your favourite colour became black. 

that didn’t mean you didn’t like pink or these other “girly” colours. sometimes, you’d even incorporate some of those bright colours in your outfits to make a statement. you just seemed to like black, it matches with everything. 

although you kept wearing black outfits or have black or dark nail polish on, your hair never stayed black or a dark colour. you just hated the look of the natural colour on yourself. it sure did fit other people, though. 

you liked to describe your style as trendy. you always follow the trends of recent times and wore what you thought looked good on you. 

-

you sat down next to sapnap, dream in the next room. you and sapnap had been friends since highschool. you skipped a grade, making yourself one of the youngest in that class which meant that you were lonely and no one really wanted to make friends with you. 

but that quickly changed when nick came up to you and offered to eat lunch with you. since then, he had been your soulmate. platonic soulmate. 

of course, being friends with nick meant that you were bound to meet the other two boys that he considered his best friends, too. it just so happens that you, george and clay ended up building an amazing friendship really quickly.

three guy bestfriends. that technically equals to having three big, protective big brothers. they really cared about you and you can see that, even if they often make fun of you. 

nick started his stream, facecam on as you sat on an extra gaming chair that clay had next to nick. you typed away on your phone as he started rambling about random things while waiting for more people to come on. 

apparently today you and nick were meant to play some scary game, you controlling the keyboard, him on the mouse. nick often forgot that it takes you a lot to get scared. 

“we’re making this video inspired by quackity and karl’s stream from a while ago.” nick told his stream, you nodding your head to agree. 

you smiled softly at the name he mentioned. quackity. it was apparent to everyone that you had some sort of crush on him. the small smiles, the little blush that rose to your cheeks if someone were to mention your ship name or tease you about it. 

it was all too obvious. of course the three boys you call your best friends knew, you’d never keep such a secret from them. but no matter how annoying the boys can be, they never once told anyone else about your not-so-little crush. 

but that didn’t mean they didn’t tease you. they enjoyed it whenever your face would turn red, whether it being you’re embarrassed or you’re mad. 

the only weird part is that nowadays, they don’t even bother to tease you anymore, not like they used to. you knew they were hiding something from you, you just didn’t know what they were hiding. 

for example, you seated next to sapnap, grinning as he mentions quackity’s name. he would never let you live down that moment. he’d tease you senseless. but this time, he only glanced at you and looked back to the stream.

and what was that? seemed like a pity glance. almost looked like he felt bad. 

you two continued the stream as the ‘scared counter’ keeps going up as sapnap keeps getting scared, you constantly laughing at him. 

“HOW ARE YOU NOT EVEN FLINCHING?” nick screams in your ear. 

“cause i’m not a pussy.” you answered him simply. 

“oh shut up, will you.” he rolled his eyes, you laughed at him being a scaredy-cat. 

you two played for a while more as the counter on the bottom left of the stream screen gets higher and higher. soon enough it reached it’s limit which meant that sapnap needed to end his stream. 

-

it was weird how time works. one second, things were mellow and slow, just like how your everyday is, and the next second, your name was trending everywhere. 

you didn’t even want to check why at first, since you knew how weird and surprising your followers are.

“dude, you need to check twitter.” nick told you in a hurry while he runs from the second floor, to the kitchen in the first floor where you were sitting, editing a video for your channel. 

so you did exactly that. you scrolled through the trending page and clicked on your name. then, you saw hundreds, if not thousands edits and videos of quackity and your video. 

the video of yours that was posted was the part when you smiled at the mention on quackity’s name but as you scrolled more, it seemed that everyone had dug through and collected snippets of you blushing or smiling when quackity was mentioned or when you were on call with him. 

you and quackity were no stranger to each other. the two of you knew each other, sapnap and him being friends and all. you just couldn’t help but fall for him. he’s just extremely charming. 

although your exterior showed otherwise, you really swooned just by looking at his pictures. 

and that’s why all the stans are going crazy. they didn’t think you’d fall for someone, especially not a man who act like a child on the internet. but you can’t predict people, especially not who they like, or more, love. 

you slowly panicked. this was embarrassing to you. more so that it’s all over the internet. there was no way you could erase all of the posts. 

on the outside, you looked composed, like it didn’t effect you at all. but nick knew you well, he knew you had a million thoughts in your head at that point. 

you were just a second close to getting into a panic attack. “hey, hey. calm down, everything’s good.” nick coos in your ear as he pulls you close to him. he knew that you hated to be left alone when you panic. 

you hated this feeling. it felt so unnecessary and it felt like you were making matters bigger than it actually is. 

but the boys would tell you otherwise, they’d make sure that thought leaves your head as soon as it reached.

your body being rocked back and forth helped you calm down as you slowly start to forget the reason of your panic in the first place. 

-

when you do come back to stream regularly, you tried to play off like nothing had happened, like it was all a dream. 

that is one bad habit you couldn’t get rid of for some reason. you liked to just run away from your problems, big or small. you would often play it off like it didn’t matter to you, eventhough it is very much the opposite. 

you’re just scared of getting hurt. you didn’t want to hear the rejection, you could never brace yourself for that kind of pain. 

but somehow this was different. you braced yourself. you didn’t know what drove you to it, but you did. maybe it was the small signs your friends showed you that you never noticed. it was like you knew that rejection was bound to happen, and that this one would hurt the most. 

you told yourself that you would never let yourself get hurt over someone, especially males. it just never made sense. they were never really worth your time, anyways. 

although personally you’ve never ended a relationship of yours badly, just maturely, you’ve read and heard how painful relationships can be. and you never understood why people kept going back into relationships when they hurt so much. 

but you get it. he’s simply addicting. you felt like you couldn’t distance yourself from him. but you needed to. and you knew that. all your friends told you that. 

you weren’t going to let some man put you down because of what you look like. 

granted, it hurt at first, but you learnt to heal, you learnt that although he probably isn’t going to be the only man who hurts you, you needed to suck it up and not show him the pain you felt. you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. 

to summarise it all. quackity finally beat around the bush and came out with a statement on his own on his stream. 

content creators or public figures often learn that they need to leave things for private, that they can’t spill everything out for people to hear. that causes drama. 

but he didn’t stand back at all. everything he thought about you was shared on stream for all his viewers to know. maybe you liked him for his persona after all, not the real him. 

-

“talk about it?” quackity read his donation. 

“sure, i will.” he started. here it comes. 

nick told you that in order to heal and move past the pain quickly, you can’t run away from your problems, to face the current issue. so he made you watch quackity’s stream. 

you didn’t feel like shedding a single tear today because of how exhausted you are from crying for hours on end, but still agreed to your bestfriend’s wishes to sit through a long stream. 

to be honest, you weren’t expecting him to speak on it, given the amount of time he’s waited. it’s been a couple months since it happened so you could only imagine the shock of his viewers when he finally did say something. 

maybe the constant spam finally got to him.

“she’s not my type, chat.” he said. oh, that wasn’t so bad. no pain just yet. 

“she’s far from it.” okay that pinched you a little. were you really that bad. you waited for his explanation. 

“she looks so emo all the time, it’s scares me. does she ever not wear black?” ouch. and yes, yes you do.

“she’s just not what i like in women. i like soft girls who are respectful and know when to keep their mouth shut and definitely a little more conservative.” whoa. okay, maybe that hurt extra than the rest. 

you turned to nick, he had the same shocked look on his face, clearly not expecting to hear that come out of his good friend’s mouth, especially on stream. 

quackity doesn’t end there. he pulls out his phone, typing away. soon he pulled up a picture of you from your instagram account, showing his stream. 

“she looks like she barely graduated highschool. she’s not one with a future, chat. just stop shipping us. i don’t like that.” he finally finishes, locking his phone and putting it down, continuing playing his game from earlier. 

you closed your eyes for a while, trying to process it all. 

“are you going to cry?” your bestfriend says from next to you. you shook your head. 

“i’m furious.” you told him, voice soft but slightly menacing. 

“holy shit. i’ve been waiting for this.” nick says, jumping in his seat. you knew exactly what he meant. 

you aren’t the type to get mad. you only got mad jokingly. and as much as you look emo and depressed all the time, you’re practically a walking sunshine, you just don’t show it due to your resting bitch face. 

and although nick and you have been friends for god knows how long, it wasn’t often he saw you mad. and it excites him to see you enraged, to say the least. to him, you always ‘pop off’ when you’re mad. 

you made sure you cooled off slightly before you go off on the man. you didn’t want to do things you would regret, after all. but to you, you didn’t think you’d regret anything at this point. 

you waited a couple days before you tweeted something. 

it was simple, your tweet. just two photos. first, it was a photo of your acceptance letter to harvard law school from a year ago, followed by a photo of you carrying thick and heavy textbooks for school that was taken by nick when he visited you in campus. 

it was captioned, “not one with a future.” simple, but it was obvious that this was going to blow up. you looked up from your phone to nick before you tweeted it. 

you two shared a smile. a grin, if you will. it was like the two of you knew what that tweet would do. 

you knew this was going to be surprising to your followers, too. you’ve never spoken about going to school after highschool. sure, if they scrolled far enough on your channel and listened through everything, they might know you skipped grades, which was the reason you met nick but most of them didn’t know. and you didn’t blame them. 

what you would blame them for is that they sat and listened to everything quackity said in that stream. they all thought you were just one dumb, depressed girl who had no future. one that relied on a social media career. 

only if they knew how wrong they are. well, that didn’t matter now. they all knew. 

that was the only tweet you sent out regarding the matter. you didn’t want to prolong it, it isn’t worth your time.

when you did stream a couple days after you sent out that tweet, your twitch viewers sky-rocketed. it was weird, almost. but they weren’t there to patronise you. the opposite, really. they said sweet words, donated generous amounts and gifted plenty of subs. 

you would answer questions as donations slowly came in. and one in particular caught you eye.

“why aren’t you in school.” the monotoned woman asked. 

“i’m not currently in school because it is closed due to the pandemic. but i’m currently attending it online.” you answered swiftly, not really focused on the question but more to the parkour you were doing. 

from time to time, your eyes glanced at your chat to see if they said anything that caught your eye, apart from the ones that bashed you for liking their favourite content creator. 

it cracked you up to see how far stans would go to protect their favourite creators. granted, it made you feel a little envious seeing how many people unfollowed you when the drama happened. you wanted to know just who would stand with you, besides your actual friends. 

“what would you describe your style?” the monotonous woman spoke once again as a donation came in. 

“thank you for the 10.” you started, and then pausing to actually think about it before you answered. 

“i think my style is a little more dark but not emo, as most people call it. i also don’t dress conservative.” you finished, feeling good about your answer. 

you were not brought up in a conservative family, so that was shown in the way you dressed. no, you never really left the house in your bra and jeans, not saying that style isn’t cute, but you never stopped yourself from showing a little bit of skin. 

you also were not the type to get insecure, so reading through comments on your posts have never really affected you. but there was something about the comment quackity said that made you rethink about a lot of things. 

you hated that feeling, though. you hated that you let a man say things about you and made you feel apologetic about it. you knew it should never be like that. why did you let a man step all over you? it irked you that you stooped so low. 

things also never got easy after the little drama. sure, you gained a little more publicity, but you felt nauseous knowing what attracted them. you’re just now constantly reminded how you got a higher number of following. 

nonetheless, you’re grateful for the platform given to you, although this wasn’t the path you chose to take. 

it didn’t take you long to recover from the tiny insecurity you found yourself having. you started not caring even more, posting even more photos of you. some might say you grew to be a narcissist. 

but you enjoyed it. it showed people just how much you grew and learnt from what happened. 

you’re glad you moved forward from it and never dwelled on the things he said about you. 

also, did you mention that quackity apologised? 

guess not. 

Part 2

[puffedcheeksx]

a personal essay on why i love Dr Romantic 2

Dr. Romantic 2 was the kdrama that found me at my darkest. You see, I ended 2019 leaving from what I once thought was my dream job. Hoping to start 2020 anew, I've been in search for some sort of inspiration and in those attempts, trying to fill that void through kdramas. I never even meant to watch DR2, even if at that time it was already trending on my personal twitter feed (also, it was the last week of cloy and i was determined to catch up to it). And I believe it was the universe itself sending to me a Viu app reccomendation and this youtube video below of Cha Eunjae and Seo Woojin meeting again at Doldam.

It wasn't even a fluffy scene for that matter (and tbh I didn't even know it was Ahn Hyoseop who was the ML, I thought it was Dr Bae from this clip i'm sorry *cries*) but I found myself intrigued with how Woojin looked at Eunjae that I decided to give this series a try.

And man, was I goner within the first five minutes. It surprised me how much I enjoyed watching this, when a medical drama wasn't my go-to genre.

As someone who hasn't watched the first season prior, it was a journey for me to discover Master Kim's personality along with Seo Woojin and Cha Eunjae. And just like the great surgeon Master Kim was, he was able to cut right through my heart saying the things I needed to hear. In a way, Master Kim helped me to stitch myself up that I found myself praying to have a mentor like him each time after finishing an episode.

I also enjoyed watching how they explored each of the characters as well. I found my younger self in Yoon Ahreum, innocent and curious, joining the Doldam team in hopes to be as accomplished and bright as the rest. I found my college self in Park Euntak in his seemingly blind faith towards Master Kim and later second guessing his decisions later in the series. I also found myself in Dr Park's legalistic views, and wondering wasn't it best to play the safe side but also secretly envious of Master Kim's bravery. I loved Nurse Oh's voice of reason. I loved how broken Seo Woojin was, and how he never let his past define his present, striving to live a good life.

But mostly, I fell in love and found myself most in Cha Eunjae and cried buckets with her. Cha Eunjae and I were similar in a lot of ways : spoiled, sheltered, would make lots of excuses and obsessing about being good enough. While Cha Eunjae was initially presented as a weak character, I liked how she didn't pity herself. She was a fast learner, picking herself up growing little by little throughout the episodes with hits and misses along the way. I loved how Cha Eunjae owned up to her own life. Technically, coming from a well-off, doctor affiliated family she could easily pull-off some strings right from ep 1 when she was sent off to Doldam Hospital. But she faced the consequences of her actions head on and allowed herself to be of service during her time there.

Just like Cha Eunjae I also had my share of situation based anxiety attacks in a weirdly ironic case as well. I understood where she came from, Cha Eunjae knew what she had to do and that she was capable, but there was so many background noise that would make her doubt and blank out the last minute. Watching Cha Eunjae grow became a vision for me to what I would like to become.

I cried with her when Master Kim told her off saying she should quit becoming a doctor, as it was a scene that hit close to home. And I cried all the more when she firmly said no when Master Kim said "If I told you to quit would you really do it?"

And of course there was the Seo Woojin and Cha Eunjae love line. I am always a fan of the slowburn trope but I believe that it is quite tricky to present a slowburn love story-- too slow and it might feel dragged on, too quick and it may lose its essense. And Ahn Hyoseop and Lee Sungkyung, with all the minimum scenes & skinships that they have, delivered it with pure magic. I loved, loved how their love story was more-than-it-meets-the-eye kind of thing. There was meaning behind the things they said, and didn't say. Their push-and-pull was satisfyingly good, that whenever Woojin makes an indirect confession I felt as breathless as Cha Eunjae was. Being deprived from the typical lovey-dovey scenes, their latter scenes then became so much sweeter especially with those little caressing Woojin did. *blushing intensifies*

Most of all, I loved how Seo Woojin wasn't some kind of hero/prince charming for Cha Eunjae and how Cha Eunjae wasn't the catalyst for Seo Woojin's character growth. Rather, Doldam hospital gave them the tools to grow, and they picked themselves on their own, with each of them occasionally offering each other support when needed to. They were truly relationship goals!

It's been over a year now simping over this kdrama (and a year since I joined kdrama stan twitter because of said drama), and I hope that we wouldn't wait too long for season 3 ❤️

[doloresdraws]

| time-lapse of the painting on my youtube |

❤ I wrote these for Twitter, but decided to post them here as well ❤

Werner Adler, Nosferatu residing in San Francisco, Embraced in 1970 in his mid 30s.

1. Werner is pretty chill most of the time, more than angry he gets frustrated from not being satisfied with his writing or when he says something that makes complete sense, yet the other person still fails to acknowledge it, especially when it is about something important.

2. I think he never believed in soulmates, until he met Leslie. Now when she is gone, a part of him is gone too.

3. His pet peeves: When people call themselves stupid or speak about themselves in a degrading way, especially women and children. Also when he sees grammar mistakes like they're/their, etc.

4. Unfortunately, what used to be his happy place now brings him a lot of pain, so he rarely allows his thoughts to venture there. When Leslie was still alive and he thought she was living a happy, fulfilled life somewhere, he often thought about their life together.

5. He has suffered from depression since his teens, but his happiest time was when Leslie said yes to his clumsy proposal, they got married and were planning their future together. Despite his coming and going depression and some bad days, she made him very happy.

6. His least happy time: Finding out that Leslie was dead, running to the hospital morgue and seeing and holding her lifeless body in his arms.

7. I think he is neither. He would sit at the bar minding his own business.

8. As a mortal, he never had any serious physical injuries (mainly because he was at home most of the time) As a vampire he got his wrist broken by the Gangrel who had found him after the Embrace, Werner didn't understand anything and wanted to just run away.

9. He doesn't really remember his Embrace as he was passed out sleeping, so the Embrace itself isn't a traumatic experience for him. There is a lot he would rather forget during his Kindred existence, but nothing tops his desperate attempt of Embracing Leslie's dead body.

10. His childhood wasn't exactly filled with many good memories. His parents argued a lot and it ended up in divorce that left him living with his quite overprotective mother. His fav memory would probably be time he spent hanging out with his best friend, a neighbor kid Mike.

11. Honestly, no, he doesn't have a type. He was seriously in love only with Leslie. They had a connection right away as she as an artist understood his need to be sometimes left alone with his writing and at the same time possessed quite a different, more positive outlook in life.

12. A pen that he bought from his first salary. Lucky for him, he was able to keep it even after his Embrace. Also his and Leslie's wedding rings and her journal that he stole after sneaking into her husband's hotel room and going through her things.

13. +14. No tattoos or piercings, even if he wasn't a Kindred/Nosferatu he wouldn't even consider it. He is quite old school, he doesn't really like them.

15. He had his dream house already. Not long before he got Embraced, he and Leslie had bought a house in a small town in Maine. It wasn't much, but they had so many plans for the garden and for the kid's rooms.

16. I think others, especially Kindred of other clans wouldn't probably expect him to be so well-mannered, gentle and well-spoken considering his dishevelled, unclean looks. He just sees no point in showering or caring for his look when he isn't really socializing with anyone anyway.

17. He is very thoughtful when it comes to gifts. He is that kind of person that would give you a present out of the blue, just because he would see something that he thinks you would enjoy.

18. He has a love-hate relationship with his writing. Some days he thinks he is really good at capturing the right mood with his words, other days he is questioning his writing skills and if he should even continue. He isn't proud of anything that he does, unfortunately.

19. A stranger would probably describe him as a sad man who desperately needs a bath and new clothes.

20. A close friend (Kayley) would describe him as kind & caring, but broken man who is trying his best and tries to do the right things.

21. He actually isn't concerned about his looks at all, he didn't care much about his looks even when he looked normal. His biggest insecurity is fear that somehow deep inside he is a bad person and that he somehow deserves what happened.

22. Physical: dexterity, non-physical: Intelligence.

23. If he knew that the lie was for his own good, he would actually appreciate the thought. If it was a lie to spare him from fear (I am looking at you Kayley) he would get upset at the sheer irresponsibility and the harm that could have happened and you would be in for a lecture.

24. He doesn't care much for the weather when he's spending most of his nights alone in his sewer haven, but he finds rainy nights inspiring and accurate to his own feelings of despair. He sometimes goes to the cemetery when it pours, stands in the rain and allows himself to cry.

25. He has no problems saying I love you to the people that he cares about when it feels right and appropriate to the situation. Though he usually never says it first, but more as a response :)

26. He doesn't like to talk about his worries - like when he was a mortal he really didn't like to talk about his fear of not having enough skill to make it as a writer, as he felt like he was failing Leslie to not make enough money for them to be able to raise a family.

27. He murdered a man that was a threat to Kayley and Jane. He really thought that there wasn't another way, but he sent the children away while he did it, so they didn't have to see. He was on the verge of frenzy and part of him could justify the murder as the man was a scumbag.

28. He isn't ticklish, but he would probably try to stop you tickling him anyway.

29. As a mortal, he had pretty low pain tolerance, but as a Nosferatu and after Leslie's death he realized that any amount of physical pain was nothing compared to the crippling pain and guilt that he feels inside everytime his mind slips and he thinks about what happened.

30. He wishes he had the courage to walk up to Kyle (Leslie's then husband) and tell him that he was sorry, that he was weak, selfish and negligent and that it was his fault that Kyle lost his wife and his unborn child. But of course, he never did it, and now Kyle is an old man.

31. Messy: feeding is a very stressful ordeal for him, he only feeds on the homeless men from his herd and he gives them money for it. It's always a terrible time for him, it takes him a while to actually bite down and then he wants to be done with it as soon as possible.

32. When 14 yo Kayley made him bite her after she found out the truth about what he was and she wanted a proof that it didn’t hurt when he fed on people, despite him reassuring her it didn’t. He was deeply hurt by this request, but he forgave her, he realized she was just a curious child, she didn't know how much pain this was causing him.

33. When Leslie found him and despite seeing how he changed, she still told him she loved him and was willing to stay with him. And maybe even more when they had met a few years later and despite the time, he could still see love for him in her eyes like nothing had changed…

34. Hard choice between vision & touch. Both would hinder his ability to write and that is that is the only thing that keeps him somehow sane. Well, together with caring for Kayley, but as she is growing older it is better she sees less of him and has a normal life.

35. He can hold on small talks pretty well,it's actually the only kind of talk he is willing to have with other Kindred after Leslie's death. Mirabelle especially noticed the change in his behavior, but she understands that they weren't really friends and she has no right to pry.

36. He would ask Leslie if she can forgive him for what happened to her and her unborn child. But the truth also is that he is absolutely terrified at the idea as he fears that the truth is that wherever she is, she hates him.

37. The past-so he would have never traveled to San Francisco, or at least he would have traveled to the night when Leslie came to him and this time he would be stronger and pushed her away, not letting her touch him... The future is pointless, there is nothing left there for him.

38. Positive - Leslie made him feel understood, Kayley - gave him some will to live back, Jane - made him feel like he made a difference in her life by persuading her to own her mistakes.

Negative - His Sire who made him question why he deserved this fate for his kindness.

39. He was used to live alone, then he met Leslie and then he was alone again. He was always a solitary person, so the solitude and isolation actually didn't even bother him after the Embrace.

40. The worst had already happened to him, so for a time there wasn't really anything that would make him terrified. But then he met Kayley and of course he fears for her safety as he feels responsible for her. He's afraid that her compassion will one day cost her her life.

Werner © me/doloresdraws

[philliamwrites]

koi no yokan

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Pairing: Kazuha / Aether

Tags: boys kissing, slight angst with happy ending, simping aether, practice sparring

Words: 2k

Summary: “A healthy mind in a healthy body,” Kazuha said, crossing the little circle they used as their practice area to the maple tree where they left their stuff. He took a dark cloth from his backpack and began wiping his body. Aether looked pointedly at the clear sky as if checking if one of Baal’s bolts would spontaneously flash and smite them. “Whatever thoughts trouble you will affect your performance and slowly but steadily deteriorate your physical capabilities.”

“Did the wind tell you that?” Aether wasn’t really into the idea that the gentle breezes cooling their hot skin spilt all his troubles. Be it his mourning for his absent sister or how horny he was for Kazuha. “Maybe the wind should just mind its own business.”

Notes: Inspired by @jeruki's fanart. My twitter: @philliam, my ko-fi: philliam

koi no yokan(恋の予感) (n.) lit. "Premonition of Love"; the sense one can have upon first meeting another person that the two of them are going to fall in love. It is the feeling that future love is inevitable.

In his journey through Teyvat, Aether had seen a lot of things. Dragons, assassins, sentient flowers shooting their frozen or burning seeds at him which never made for a funny joke when he and his party sat around the campfire in the cool evenings. Catboys grown into men who paid their taxes and lived a humble life near calm Springvale. Name it and Aether had seen it.

But Kaedehara Kazuha was something else entirely. When he fought, it was hard to look away. He had a dancer’s grace and a seemingly unerring instinct for what his opponent would do next. His sword wasn’t simply a weapon he swung to cut through enemy lines. It was part of him. Like Lumine completed Aether, Kazuha was only fully himself with a weapon in his hand. This kind of commitment Aether only knew from Xiao, but Kazuha made his devotion for battle look divine; so much purer. Almost innocent in a way that did not speak of foolishness or guilelessness or the innocence of a child that simply waited to be consumed by the world. Kazuha’s innocence was something honest, linked to the making at the heart of the world.

He looked happiest with his sword slicing through the air. He looked graceful plunging from the skies like a hawk pouncing to catch its prey. He looked deliciously fuckable with his hitatare slipping off his shoulders and revealing smooth, white skin glistening with sweat. Aether had noticed a little scar winking at him whenever the fabric slipped and wondered how it would taste like near that elegant curve where Kazuha’s chest turned to solid, firm abs. He imagined leaning over and tasting Kazuha’s skin and suck—

A harsh blow swiped his feet from under him. The world spun and for a moment Aether was flying again, soaring through the sky before golden eyes flashed in malice and his sister was taken from him. The reality of Lumine being absent would come to Aether in flashes. He knew it to be so, but he could not feel it to be true except in these sudden bursts of realisation. The light of that strange, unthinkable truth would dazzle him for a moment and then it would be gone again, a fleeting sense of terrible loss. The pain almost always felt the same, and all he could do in that moment was take it, endure the unbearable and bear it.

It ended as quickly as it stared. Aether’s back hit the hard ground, the impact punching the breath out of his lungs. He stared up at the beautiful crimson sky stretching overhead—red like so many things in Inazuma which was fitting for the country governed by a goddess with a taste for blood.

But then, Kazuha’s even more beautiful face bent over him.

“Focus, Aether,” he said, offering his hand. Aether imagined pulling Kazuha down next to him where they would roll in the dirt like two puppies, drunk on adrenaline and intoxicated with the addicting taste of defiling these sacred lands where the cries of helpless, innocent men would never be heard over the ever-present roar of thunder. Where neither of them was welcome.

Instead, he allowed Kazuha to pull him back up on his feet, slick skin against slick skin, with a swift ease that left little room for imagination how else he could manhandle Aether. He swallowed, his mouth dry.

Kazuha exhaled softly, and even in that companionable silence Aether had grown used to, it was loud enough to catch his attention. “Where are your thoughts, Aether?” Kazuha asked.

Aether kicked some pebbles. He could hardly confess how he imagined sucking Kazuha off. Somehow he didn’t think someone as versed, with a soul consumed by wanderlust like Kazuha, would like to hear that. So he simply shrugged, inspecting the hilt of his wooden practice sword as if it could be held accountable for his lack of focus.

“Oh, you know,” he said, shrugging. “Archons and Visions and the like. The usual stuff.”

Kazuha’s eyebrows rose. Aether held his stare for a long minute but ended up turning away first. Somehow he didn’t believe secrets could be kept hidden for too long from those keen scarlet eyes, and while he wouldn’t mind presenting his body to him, he wasn’t too comfortable bearing his very soul to someone he’d known for less than a month. He wondered if that even mattered. He had let Kaeya rail him in much shorter time than that.

“A healthy mind in a healthy body,” Kazuha said, crossing the little circle they used as their practice area to the maple tree where they left their stuff. He took a dark cloth from his backpack and began wiping his body. Aether looked pointedly at the clear sky as if checking if one of Baal’s bolts would spontaneously flash and smite them. “Whatever thoughts trouble you will affect your performance and slowly but steadily deteriorate your physical capabilities.”

“Did the wind tell you that?” Aether wasn’t really into the idea that the gentle breezes cooling their hot skin spilt all his troubles. Be it his mourning for his absent sister or how horny he was for Kazuha. “Maybe the wind should just mind its own business.”

The wind picked up, tossing Aether’s hair left and right so it came even more loose after their sparring. He was sure his mind played tricks on him, but somewhere in the distance it sounded like Venti’s clear, bell-like laughter. If this was his weird way of trying to set him up, Aether was not happy with it.

“No, you just did.” Kazuha finished cleaning himself, but was in no apparent hurry to tie up his hitatare. When he looked back up at Aether, his smile was a little mischievous but still gentle, and Aether wanted to kiss that stupid grin away. He flopped down next to Kazuha. Dry maple leaves rustled under his body and he took one in his fingers, turning it this and that way just so he could observe the crimson and stall time.

If he met the Raiden Shogun and she didn’t have the answers he desired, then what? How much longer would he have to journey, to tread foreign countries and dangerous lands until he found what Lumine needed him to see? Why was this arduous task better suited than simply telling him? The only logical answer was that during her own travels, Lumine had grown to not trust him in a way only she understood and couldn’t confide in him. The thought closed like a cold fist around Aether’s heart. There was nothing logical about that, for if Lumine chose to hide her heart from Aether, where would that leave him? Loneliness spread like a dark stain inside him, a horror that stole his breath and tightened his chest. Black dots danced across his vision. Aether noticed his body moving without his will, he sat up, afraid he might suffocate. His heart. His heart wasn’t in his chest anymore. It was in his throat, making it hard to breathe. Just thinking she doesn’t need me, Lumine is gone forever and all I have loved, I have loved alone—

A warm hand grasped his, squeezing his fingers painfully until his splintering mind reassembled to the present. Aether stared at Kazuha with wide eyes, filled with horror, with fear, he just couldn’t understand how anyone bore that loneliness without a twin, without another part of their soul bearing the harsh world with them and give comfort and respite.

“Aether?”

Aether flinched, only noticing then how close Kazuha hovered near his face. When he looked down, he saw how his golden strands were caught between Kazuha’s slender fingers.

“There was a maple leaf in your hair,” Kazuha said, not taking his eyes away from Aether.

“Oh.” Aether’s reeling thoughts momentarily halted at this whimsical observation, so simple and apart from his anxious feelings. He looked up at the grand tree above them, crying red leaves. “Really?”

Kazuha still looked at him. A gentle tug lowered Aether’s head back down.

“No,” he said, and then kissed him. His soft lips brushed against Aether’s once, then twice and then he pressed his mouth to his, pushing Aether to the solid, hard ground. One leg stole between Aether’s, pressing a knee against his crotch, and Oooh. Until now, Aether had thought Kazuha to be soft and restrained, a man more servant to the voice of nature than his own desires. But there was nothing soft or restrained about the way he pinned Aether to the ground now, stole his breath and swallowed all those little huffs and moans, making Aether go crazy with lust.

Swift fingers dug into his bare waist. Aether was looking forward to the bruises he’d see blossoming the next morning. Their bodies pressed together hard; Aether arched his back, hoping that if he just willed it hard enough, he would become one with Kazuha and fill that gnawing black hole inside him. Kazuha reached out and put his thumb to Aether’s jawline. The tips of his fingers brushed the hollow of his throat and pushed against the pulse point where Aether’s blood visibly thundered in exalting beats against his skin.

Kazuha’s tongue darted across Aether’s lower lip. Willingly, Aether opened his mouth, longing to savour his taste and finally quench his thirst for the exquisite being that Kaedahara Kazuha was.

But Kazuha remained still, their mouths inches away from each other, each inhaling the other’s breath. Aether opened his eyes, meeting Kazuha’s that had turned so much darker. Wilder.

“You don’t even know what you do to people, do you?” he mumbled against Aether’s lips. His nose grazed his cheek as he dove for Aether’s jawline, his neck, mapping Aether’s face with his lips and teeth. Aether remembered Kazuha saying once that he smelled like stars, and wondered how that worked.

“What—“ Aether exhaled a long, shuddering breath. “—do you mean?” He tried to buck up into Kazuha, to create some delicious friction between them, but Kazuha’s grip around his waist was like iron. Aether whined, but Kazuha made with one, sharp bite pretty clear that whatever happened would only happen on his volition.

“The way you move, the way you look and think no one notices.” Amusement stole into Kazuha’s voice. “Or might you think only I don’t notice?”

“I am anything but subtle,” Aether acknowledged, planting a kiss on Kazuha’s temple. He chuckled against Aether’s skin. “And you don’t necessarily make it easier, fighting like this.” His hands sneaked inside Kazuha’s hitatare, fingers trembling with excitement spread against his warm chest.

Kazuha inhaled sharply. His own fingers trailed a path up Aether’s waistline, nails scratching the sensitive skin and sending shivers all over his body. “Look who’s talking. It’s hard focusing on anything else with you walking around like this.”

Aether laughed, dark and rich. “It’s my pleasure.”

“No.” Kazuha tugged the fabric of Aether’s black collar down and kissed his neck. “It’s mine.”

Aether didn’t know how long they stayed like this, cradled against the maple tree’s trunk, growing drunk on kisses and lust and the taste of each other until their lips were bruised. At some point, they had dozed off under the setting sun that made way to twinkling stars that winked at them in mischief. Only they knew the secrets and confessions they shared, absolving one another from their darkest sins.

“I know you seek your sister,” Kazuha said, studying the joints and bumps on Aether’s fingers before he brought them to his lips. “We both follow steps of people dear to us, choosing to ignore we only run after shadows. I think that is why my soul refuses to leave you.”

Familiar pain throbbed in Aether’s chest, but where it once was sharp and overwhelming, it now had softened to a dull song. Bearable. “I’m sure one day we’ll catch up to them.” He intertwined his legs with Kazuha’s, felt the warmth radiate off his body. “Together.”

[johannstutt413]

(requested by calligomiles; continuing from this)

“Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!” Ptilopsis’ head peered into Olivia’s room as her alarm sounded. “Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!”

“I’m awake, I’m awake.” Not that she particularly felt it, but she was getting out of bed nonetheless.

Tilly giggled to herself. “Ifrit already left for class. She ate all of her breakfast, including the seconds she requested.”

“Impressive.” The drowsier Liberi had found her glasses and now much less blind began to dress for the lab. “Thank you for taking care of her. If I can find the time to learn to cook, I should.”

“Dr. Silence already works so hard to save the world, though. Ptilopsis has no objection to supporting her in that endeavor however necessary.” Although admittedly, it was an element of her daily calculation.

Silence shrugged on her topcoat before hugging the mid-number-crunching analyst. “I’ll be helping Iffy with her project tonight. Saria said she might come by for a bit as well to pitch in, but I won’t be upset if you go home with her.”

“Understood.” Mostly. “Firewall temporarily disabled. I’ve noticed the two of you talk more with each passing day, but this is the first I’m hearing of you allowing Saria to see Ifrit.”

“Her project is more focused on the skeletal system than anything else, and I think Saria’s substantially more familiar with that field of anatomy than I am...Besides, she’s proven herself with how she treats you.”

Ptilopsis blushed. “Oh.”

“I know it’s taken me some time to admit it,” the doctor continued, following her beloved to their waiting breakfast, “but after all the time she spent working for and with Iffy, it’s not fair for me to keep them separated. She did what she thought was best, and regardless of whether I agreed with or agree now with her decisions, they were made with good intentions. Sorry to start the morning like this.”

“It’s fine. Ptilopsis is glad you continue growing as a person.” She hadn’t declared that she’d re-erected her firewall, but it was clear from context.

They ate breakfast after transitioning to talking about their business for the day - patients with scheduled visits, the other Medics on rotation for their shift, their usual morning briefing - but before they left for the office, Olivia pulled her close for another hug. “Thank you. I couldn’t do this without you.”

“‘This?’” Tilly temporarily halted her work protocols. “In what context?”

“Raising Ifrit, attending to Rhodes Island’s Infected, researching Oripathy, deploying on missions...You make my life possible.” She managed to catch herself before crying properly, but a stray tear rolled down her face and onto the analyst’s jacket.

The other Liberi twittered sweetly in her ear. “The same is true for me.”

“It is?...Thank you.” A brief collapsing of the little space between them, a kiss that lasted either seconds or years, and Rhine Labs’ former Oripathy expert was ready to start the day. Work went as expected through lunch, with patients and care plans and the occasional accolade or scolding of some Operator or another. When the Liberi lovers came back from the cafeteria, however, a familiar Vouivre was waiting for them.

“Good afternoon.” Saria was in business mode. “The Doctor needs me to deploy for a mission; I need a pre-deployment exam.”

Silence nodded. “Ptilopsis can take care of you.”

“...If it’s all the same, can we all talk in the exam room in private?”

“Hmm.” The doctor glanced at Tilly, who was rebooting quickly after a momentary blue screen, before nodding. “If you prefer.”

The trio took the nearest open room, and as the analyst performed the exam, the Vouivre got down to business. “I made notes for Ifrit’s presentation, but since I won’t be there to help, I sent them to both of your inboxes. There’s more than enough information for her to ace her assignment.”

“Thank you. I’m sure she’ll be happy to tell you how she did when you come back.” There was no question that she’d be coming back, after all.

“...Which brings me to my other point.” She sighed, taking a moment to collect herself. “When I come back, I’d like to have a full discussion, all parties involved, about setting a schedule for me to spend time with Iffy.”

Silence lived up to her codename as Ptilopsis carried on dutifully with her task, doing her best to ignore the conversation and focus on procedure. “I...I think that’s a good idea.”

“You do?” Saria’s heart rate, as measured by the device her examiner was using to measure it, betrayed her surprise.

“Yes.” Olivia made sure she didn’t respond with the other phrase that came to mind. “I isolated her from you, and the rest of the world, out of a hyperbolized sense of danger. Not that there weren’t genuine concerns for her well-being, but in keeping her under lock and key like I was, there’s a possibility I did more harm than the good I intended. I’m not the only person in her life who’s made rash decisions out of good intentions, and it’s hypocritical of me to keep pretending that my mistakes are justified when others weren’t.”

The Defender sighed. “So it’s still a mistake, then.”

“I think so...but I’m learning to admit when I might be wrong.”

“I see.” This’d turned out better than she’d thought it would. “Tilly?”

The Liberi took a breath before shifting her attention. “Yes?”

“When I said ‘all parties,’ that includes you.” The Vouivre looked her directly in the eye.

“Understood.” Ptilopsis shut down her defenses for a moment. “Why?”

That was a rare question to hear from her; the analyst was much more a ‘how’ and ‘when’ sort of person. “Because you’re part of her family, too. You deserve a say.”

“But I don’t have any concrete opinion on the matter. I’m happy you’ll be able to spend time with her, but the specifics are up to you and Olivia.” It was a good thing she was essentially done with her examination; this was going to eat up most of her processing power, she could already tell.

“Tilly,” Silence interjected, “it does affect you, though. You’re very careful with how you spend your time, and Saria and Iffy spending more time together will affect your calculations.”

She nodded. “It will.”

“So if we set a schedule that makes it harder for you to make those calculations, that’s not fair to you. We know how hard it is for you-”

“No. You don’t.” The analyst looked each of them in the eye in turn. “But that’s okay.”

The room around Olivia and Saria disappeared from their awareness as Ptilopsis reactivated her defenses and continued her work. It wasn’t until she finished that the Vouivre had any kind of follow-up, which was lifting her off her feet in a tight embrace. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for-”

“Oh, cut the bullshit, there definitely is.” The Defender set her down but kept her arms around her. “Every time we get into a fight or try to reconcile, we disrupt your life at a deep emotional level, and even if it’s better for us to try and get along, you get dragged along behind us in the process. We know your condition, but we don’t how it feels - you’re the only one who does. That doesn’t mean you have a right to lash out, but you do have the right to speak up, and we want to hear you.”

Tilly couldn’t keep walls up in the face of that. “Ptil...I know that, love.”

“Then take my apology for springing this on you in the middle of the week.” She held the Liberi’s gaze even as her vision started to blur.

“O-okay.” The analyst sighed before wrapping her arms behind Saria’s neck and pulling down slightly for a kiss. “You’re forgiven.”

The Vouivre let her go. “Thank you.”

“You are too, dear,” Ptilopsis continued, addressing Silence as she walked over to hug her as well.

“Thank you...and I’m sorry.” The doctor squeezed her like she had that morning. “We never explicitly said we would stop making these kinds of changes, but we did imply it a few weeks ago.”

The other Liberi shook her head. “Data changes, people change, and life goes on. Ptilo...I want you both to be your best, your happiest, and if that means chaos, then- Firewall engaging, overriding, halting process- then so be it. I need to be better, too. I’m sorry you had to hear the Other Voice.”

“You’ve held it at bay for years,” Saria noted, walking over to hug her from the opposite side. “That can’t be easy, especially with everything that’s happened.”

Olivia nodded. “Certainly not...I believe the Doctor is expecting you, Saria?”

“Unfortunately. I should probably be on time for the shuttle.” As she let go of Tilly, her hand accidentally touched Silence’s. The doctor said nothing. The Defender said nothing.

Ptilopsis made a note to record that in her diary that evening.