#two ironies and one Aesthetic

[beybuniki]

hiiii first off i love ur art so much i always look forward to seeing it on my tl or on here!!!! secondly i think ur dabihawks is soo hot and they make a lot of sense from an aesthetic pov for me but they don't compel me much outside of that so if i can ask, what's your interpretation of why u ship them? or like narratively what compels you to like them as a ship?

this is so long i'm so embarrasssed, but i tried to gather my thoughts a bit :)

first things first: a lot of fans say that horikoshi wasted dabihawks' potential but tbh i've appreciated that horikoshi has kept most of it between the lines for us to figure out, i think that mode fits reflects their dynamic (and the endeavor - dabi - hawks triangle) well.

Also I know you asked what I find appealing about the ship, not all of these interpretations are about romance/shipping; some are just about their general dynamic. as I keep saying, the yaoi is only secondary to their overall weirdness, that’s more appealing to me tbh.

the obvious canon dynamic: Dabi and Hawks are (filial) foils: they represent 2 opposing outcomes of what happens when endeavor/enji (we have to differenciate) basically shapes your life. they're two sides of the same coin that symbolizes endeavor's 2 sides: enji, that father who fails vs. endeavor, the hero who succeeds. I don't think I need to elaborate on this, but yeah it's pretty overt in the manga that they’re filial foils, the fact that they’re the same ages makes it even more obvious like they’re equal opposites and I love that sm.

my ship interpretation of their overall dynamic: dabi and Hawks can get under each other’s skin in a way that no one can; there is so much irritation but also uncomfortable intimacy, because how come this guy who barely knows me knows where it hurts the most??

I think dabi is easily irritated by hawks because – as mentioned above – hawks is the complete opposite of dabi, I just know hawks’ charming (& sleazy) hero persona would piss him offff, but that’s only surface level annoyance, once dabi starts digging, connects the dots, and realizes that hawks is weirdly attached to his colleague aka dabi’s dad? And that his dad basically saved hawks from his abusive dad?? and that endeavor set off hawks’s career as the youngest hero to enter to top 3??? That hawks basically has everything that was promised to dabi??? CUTE THE CAMERAS!!!!! the irony is NOT lost on dabi!!!!!!!!!!!! One thing I love about dabi is his resentment towards those who make him painfully aware of his failures in life, I think resentment, jealousy, grief for what could have been are so interesting to explore, especially for a 23yo character like you rlly lose your mind at that age.

But as easily as hawks irritates dabi, dabi can get on hawks’ nerves and hit him where it hurts like no one else, precisely because they’re inextricably tied to each other through endeavor. So dabi is ver intimate with hawks’ flaws & issues and likes to probe and poke……. I made a whole post about this, but I think the todorokis’ closure would’ve been less disappointing if dabihawks got to face each other one last time; this time with everyone present. Dabi could have reminded hawks that  -- while he’s the one withering away in an oxygen chamber & hawks climbed up the career ladder and gets to work with endeavor – hawks is caged in a far more constricting way; he didn’t learn shit from twice’s death and that’s gonna haunt him, dabi would also say out loud what hawks is ignoring, namely that endeavor hasn’t chosen hawks once over his son (much to be said here let’s not digress oaughh). So hawks can have fun running after his father forever and secretly yearning paternal attention & validation. Dabi might be on the verge of death, but he got to reflect, let go, and change at least; Hawks’ character is SO stuck & and I think dabi should remind him of that <3 hawks should have nightmares sometimes <3 this is yaoi to me <3

This one isn’t about romance, but dabihawks are also so interesting to me because I think  their relationship is kind of similar to dabi’s relationship with shoto: imo, hawks parallels dabi in a way that is analogous to the parallelism between dabi and shoto. As I said before, hawks and shoto both represent a life that was supposed to be dabi’s, but another parallel I see is that hawks and dabi are so similar and had the potential to connect (both as normal kids but also as damaged adults), but life is unfair and they never and on the other.

There’s a real tragedy in dabi’s isolation (endeavor forcibly isolating his children from each other is repeatedly mentioned), and I think that this can be extended to hawks as well, which is why there’s a LOT of fan work of them befriending each other as children 😊 but I think that in a more radical approach to the story, dabihawks could’ve also connected as damaged adults but let’s not get into that.

Tl;dr: they’re parallel lines that cannot reach each other or cross paths but there are enough hints to make you feel like they could find each other in a kinder universe…………… KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok now my yaoi interpretation of that: I think the dynamic that I’ve described in the point above lends itself really well to a vast array of outcomes they’re such a dynamic duo. I love the cute aus that are just about dbhx falling in love, but I also LOVE the doomed yaoi, there’s something beautiful about dabihawks doing their thing despite all the odds and the pride and the repulsion (let’s not get into that,,,,,,,,,,,). I love when their intimacy is permeated by an anticipation of betrayal like the quirks stay ON during sex, the breakup text is DRAFTED in their notes app, the IP address is always READY to get leaked, they have each other’s moms on SPEED dial to snitch on the other………………………… they’re not meant to be but they WILL fuck nasty ( and have surprisingly intimate moments) yup

attachment styles /yaoiimplied: I think dabi is an avoidant and hawks an anxiously attached partner. Which means that dabi is hyper independent and scared of emotional intimacy to the point of self-sabotage (he WILL create problems out of thin air and lash out at hawks when their weird situationship starts getting too comfortable). Which means that hawks is terrified of rejection (his parents left him & his clings so much to endeavor & he forces himself into the Todoroki family) and fears that he could lose whatever he and dabi have so he clings, which is so so scary to dabi. I see a lot of headcanons about dabi being possessive but I don’t agree at all; I think the second dabi feels like hawks might fall for sb else (they do cheat on each other I thin), he’s just gonna give lmaooo, dabi is NOT a fighter!!!!!!!!!!! His obsession is exclusive to his beef with his father!! He will NOT beg and fight for hawks’ love!!! Idk I like how their trauma gave them very different attachment patterns <3

names as another layer of intimacy (cute): this is in the manga so I don’t feel the need to elaborate on this, but there’s sth SO intimate about dabi and hawks both letting go of their birth names and those being such a big mystery for such a long time, both to the readership & characters. The fact that dabi finds out hawks’ name and CALLS him by his name during a fight ugh I love the juxtaposition of intimacy and violence. They probably use their 1st names during nice moments also keigo and touya are really cute names but I digress…..

names as another layer of intimacy (bad): while the paragraph above present this as rather cute and intimate, I think there’s also violence and a hierarchy at play when you use somebody’s deadname (I think we can call it that idk). Not only is there the juxtaposition of violence and intimacy when dabi uses hawks’ name, I think there’s also sth. deeply disrespectful about hawks using dabi’s given name like WHO are you to call him toya!!!!!!!!!!!! And the answer to that is that hawks uses it because endeavor uses it, which is so insane but whatever let’s not go there………….

also hotwings is such a good ship name sorry i was sold on that alone..............

sorry this whole page is yaoi to me, this fight is sexual in general well whatever let's move ON!!!!

Abjection: the aforementioned mutual irritation with each other that results from their uncomfortable & unwanted proximity feels so abject to meeeeeeeee

idk they have perfect yaoi equilibrium to me

the color symbolism :)

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Eddie's mom was a free spirit who got taken too soon but educated her son in anything and everything that she found interesting. And she found A LOT of things interesting.

Eddie still secretly keeps these interests and sure, some of them are expected (weed and the best strains), some less so (obsessive reading and perfect knowledge of Edith Piaf). Eddie can even make fantastic mixed drinks ("My mom worked as a bartender for a bit and she practiced at home, what are you staring at, Henderson?!") and can quote most of Le Fleurs Du Mal from memory.

Steve learns to accept and even expect this. Mythology? Of course. Random bits of knowledge from history? Of course. The man only knows SOS in Morse code but can tie nearly every single knot known to humanity? Weird, but it's Eddie.

But then he finds out Eddie knows a fuck ton about horoscopes and astrology. It only takes a single moment of distraction on Eddie's part - Steve is complaining about his latest date, a girl Eddie knows from his class, and he scoffs.

"Well, duh. Of course it didn't work out, Steve, her Moon sign's an Aries and yours is Cancer, that's a recipe for a short fling, not a long relationship."

Steve just stares at him.

Eddie's eyes go wide as he realizes what he's just said. "Uh, I mean..." he scrambles for an explanation, "...she...sounds really stubborn?" he says slowly.

Steve blinks once. Twice. Then his mouth twitches upwards. "What is your Moon sign?"

Eddie feels like it should be a joke, but Steve is patiently waiting for his answer, encouraging smile and those fucking delicious moles. "I'm...uh. I'm a Scorpio. Moon sign, that is," he mutters and hypnotizes Steve's left eyebrow. "Which is...you know. People think it sucks."

"And does it?"

He snorts and shakes his head. "Nah, well. You know, we can be kinda...secretive? But Moon signs are all about your emotions and the inner you, so...it takes a while to get to really understand Moon Scorpios, but then we're the most loyal bunch you'll ever find."

Steve just nods, still smiling. "That's cool, doesn't sound bad at all. But - are you compatible with a Cancer Moon?"

And Eddie probably should have asked "hey, what the fuck," but someone is asking him about his interest, no irony and all that, and that isn't something frequent according to the Munson doctrine. "Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean, Scorpios can be a bit intense, but they're both water signs, you know? And it depends on the Sun sign and rising too, so..."

Somehow, they spend the whole evening discussing astrology. Well, Eddie is. Steve is just listening and asking questions.

Somehow, Eddie manages to calculate both of their charts (because Steve asked).

Steve asks a lot of stuff. "How would you make someone with your chart open up?", "What would be an ideal date for that kind of person?", "Is there something I should be careful about?" and Eddie answers everything but somewhere deep thinks man, I really envy the girl he's doing this for. She's lucky she shares the same birthday and place of birth with me.

It only clicks two weeks later when Steve invites Eddie to hang out and takes him to an alleged haunted mansion. Which...might have been one of the more outlandish ideas Eddie gave him, but he said he would actually love that and that it would fit with the Scorpio dark and brooding aesthetic, if Steve's girl is like that.

He stares at the haunted house, at Steve's sweater (the one Eddie told Steve suits him the best) and a small picnic basket and he realizes.

I gave Steve Harrington a complete guide to dating me.

Steve smirks at him and gently touches his hand, careful not to spook him. "So, what does your Scorpio Moon say?"

Eddie groans and, after briefly checking that no one is around, quickly presses his lips to Steve's cheek. "Apart from "Eddie Munson, how the fuck didn't you notice sooner?" It's purring."

The younger man laughs and Eddie could bask in that sound forever. "Pretty sure scorpions can't purr."

"With you, pretty boy? They sure can."

[skeletonsloverockcandy]

Man, each year I get to it, I love the May 5th entry and what it means. I take something new from it each time. Like last year I noticed the sacrifices and efforts the Driver and the other passengers made to try and save Jonathan, a stranger to them, by showing up early, by giving him gifts, by blessing him, despite the danger that puts them in. Especially when Dracula, as the driver, points it out to the Driver of the first coach, what he was trying to do, and scares him by pointing out what he said (despite it being heard far out of normal earshot and over the sound of horses galloping).

This year though, I notice that, but I see some of the smaller details too. Like how the mountains are full of blooming fruit trees, and how we are so used to the “gothic” aesthetic we almost forget it’s Spring. How Jonathan takes notice and comfort in the view, despite the growing unease he feels because of the people around him. He is trying to distract himself from how scared he’s getting based on their warnings. Warding him from the Evil Eye.

"No, no," he said; "you must not walk here; the dogs are too fierce"; and then he added, with what he evidently meant for grim pleasantry—for he looked round to catch the approving smile of the rest—"and you may have enough of such matters before you go to sleep."

I also take notice of this from the driver, as it’s almost a morbid gallows humor that he clearly knows to expect the wolves, and knowing what happens later, I’m sure the people here have a horrible fear of them, knowing what Dracula can do…and what he does to that poor mother later.

There were dark, rolling clouds overhead, and in the air the heavy, oppressive sense of thunder. It seemed as though the mountain range had separated two atmospheres, and that now we had got into the thunderous one.

We also get here what might be our first indication that the Count can control the weather to an extent.

They were driven by a tall man, with a long brown beard and a great black hat, which seemed to hide his face from us.

All I can imagine is Dracula in a fake beard now lol.

"You are early to-night, my friend." The man stammered in reply:—

"The English Herr was in a hurry," to which the stranger replied:—

"That is why, I suppose, you wished him to go on to Bukovina. You cannot deceive me, my friend; I know too much, and my horses are swift."

But God, this must have been terrifying for the driver and the passengers. What would Dracula do to punish them for trying to escape him? Would he dare make an example in front of the Englishman right now, or would he grant them mercy to say nothing else as Jonathan is unsuspectingly led to his doom, so they think.

"Denn die Todten reiten schnell"— ("For the dead travel fast.")

The strange driver evidently heard the words, for he looked up with a gleaming smile.

It feels like they’re all in on some sick joke that they know the punchline to, but Jonathan doesn’t, so with the dramatic irony, it feels like we the readers are the same peasants, trying to do anything to save or warn Jonathan but it’s already too late.

I also notice how quickly Dracula tries to shift the power dynamic with Jonathan, and have him doubt his sanity so soon, and he’s not even in the castle yet.

He drives him in circles to try and disorient Jonathan and make him feel even more lost, also keeping him out for far later and making Jonathan question if he’s dreaming or if what he’s seeing is real. I’d also bet more than anything that wine he offer Jonathan on the coach that Jonathan didn’t end up taking was drugged. Because it’s far easier to disorient an unconscious passenger in the dark than it is to disorient a conscious passenger. But he still does a pretty darn good job.

Then there’s the blue flames, which Jonathan doesn’t know how to react to as they seem supernatural and he doesn’t know how to rationalize it yet, so he takes it as if he’s dreaming.

This gave me a sort of shock, for I suppose the general superstition about midnight was increased by my recent experiences. I waited with a sick feeling of suspense.

Jonathan also has already felt the fear and nerves associated with the supernatural and superstition after what all of the townsfolk have told him, and later he tries to brush this off and rationalize again, try not to get too scared, but a part of him already realizes something is wrong.

Then a dog began to howl somewhere in a farmhouse far down the road—a long, agonised wailing, as if from fear.

I also want to point this out, as it’s right before the wolves surround the coach, but it’s the second time a “dog” has been mentioned howling in the night, and with this evidence, I bet Dracula uses the wolves as a threat to keep the peasants and townsfolk in line, as he can’t munch down on everyone. But it shows how powerful he is and what a threat he poses. I wonder who the wolves kill in the night.

Also how Jonathan, as an Englishman where there were no more native wolves, can’t even imagine that’s what they were and thinks they are dogs.

And it makes sense now that earlier when Jonathan was getting out his good ol’ polyglot dictionary, how the two words mean the same thing.

"vrolok" and "vlkoslak"—both of which mean the same thing, one being Slovak and the other Servian for something that is either were-wolf or vampire.

As Dracula, as we see later, can transform into a wolf himself, and so there is probably less distinction between the two in this culture than we have tried to establish in the modern day.

Once there appeared a strange optical effect: when he stood between me and the flame he did not obstruct it, for I could see its ghostly flicker all the same.

Ah, I wonder if this is an early indication that Dracula cannot be depicted through traditional means? Like how he can’t be seen in the mirror. Certain lights just, pass through him.

I shouted and beat the side of the calèche, hoping by the noise to scare the wolves from that side, so as to give him a chance of reaching the trap.

We also see Jonathan taking an active and proactive approach, in this manner trying to be helpful and aid his (what he assumes human) driver. With these sorts of actions already, I can see signs of the man who will pick up a shovel to try and do what needs to be done. Who takes a knife and vows action, not hesitating.

He is polite right now, he’s on business. He doesn’t know what’s coming. But regardless, that person is still in him, and he’s capable of taking great action and doing great things for the sake of survival and doing what he thinks is right.

And Dracula commanding the wolves to stop as the driver, and the cloud passing overhead, I feel is like a subtle display of power and threat to Jonathan. He’s still playing pretend, but when Jonathan does figure out he was the coach the whole time, and he plays coy, the Count knows Jonathan will remember this threat, and it feels that much more sinister.

Jonathan still questions and thinks he fell asleep, as he doesn’t see how he’d have missed the approach of the castle otherwise, but I think he was awake because it was dark, and the count was intentionally taking him a winding and confusing path under a lot of fear. Though if he did fall asleep, I’m that much more terrified about how Dracula was driving him about, now secure in the knowledge that Jonathan would be thoroughly isolated and lost.

And the thing that nearly gives Dracula away twice as the driver is the strength of his grip on Jonathan’s hand, also lacing a subtle threat.

through these frowning walls and dark window openings it was not likely that my voice could penetrate.

Well this is just scary knowing how trapped Jonathan becomes later, knowing he wouldn’t be able to hear the outside world, and how the outside world might not be able to hear him, and how he’s already acknowledging that.

The time I waited seemed endless, and I felt doubts and fears crowding upon me. What sort of place had I come to, and among what kind of people? What sort of grim adventure was it on which I had embarked?

He already is expressing doubts and fears, he isn’t ignorant of what situation he might be in, and it’s only later when he tries to rationalize with the count and is given the comforts manipulation of food and sleep, that he tries to dismiss these fears and take the Count at his word.

Was this a customary incident in the life of a solicitor's clerk sent out to explain the purchase of a London estate to a foreigner? Solicitor's clerk! Mina would not like that. Solicitor—for just before leaving London I got word that my examination was successful; and I am now a full-blown solicitor!

Okay, this is just really cute. Mina said You passed the Bar, you Deserve to call yourself a Solicitor Jonathan <3

Also explains a lot that Jonathan is a fresh faced baby lawyer who just passed the bar and needs this assignment. He’s probably hoping that after this pay day he can marry Mina and have enough for them to start making a life together. Also says a lot for Dracula’s strategy to him to get someone young, inexperienced, and unfamiliar with the area, who might be seen as “expendable” so that Jonathan’s sudden “disappearance” might go unremarked by those in charge (though Mina would notice).

I began to rub my eyes and pinch myself to see if I were awake. It all seemed like a horrible nightmare to me, and I expected that I should suddenly awake, and find myself at home, with the dawn struggling in through the windows, as I had now and again felt in the morning after a day of overwork. But my flesh answered the pinching test, and my eyes were not to be deceived. I was indeed awake and among the Carpathians. All I could do now was to be patient, and to wait the coming of the morning.

Again, those early signs of doubt and fear from Jonathan, showing his unease already at the situation. We did not deserve to be clowning on him so much when this book club first started. It’s not his fault he’s not genre aware 😔 I’m sorry Jonathan.

And when Drac does show up to open the door:

"Welcome to my house! Enter freely and of your own will!" He made no motion of stepping to meet me, but stood like a statue, as though his gesture of welcome had fixed him into stone.

I wonder if he’s like that because he needs to be invited into places to be there, so if it’s almost like a supernatural hold of importance for him to offer the same thing. Almost like a subtle joke or curse with the knowledge that after Jonathan enters, he won’t be allowed to leave of his own will

holding out his hand grasped mine with a strength which made me wince, an effect which was not lessened by the fact that it seemed as cold as ice—more like the hand of a dead than a living man.

I also like how all the clues are there, and since Jonathan has written them down and taken note of them, the expression on them must be some of the things he’s piercing together about his own fears as well that he’s afraid to voice aloud or in his journal, because if he voices his suspicions, they might become more real to him.

The strength of the handshake was so much akin to that which I had noticed in the driver, whose face I had not seen, that for a moment I doubted if it were not the same person to whom I was speaking

See? He knows what’s up, he’s just afraid to say it.

I also didn’t pick up that Jonathan’s room is octagonal for some reason. I wonder if there’s any reason for that or symbolism with the 8 sides?

Also the letter from Mr. Hawkin’s feels very ominous in retrospect knowing what’s coming and how Dracula will treat Jonathan:

"I must regret that an attack of gout, from which malady I am a constant sufferer, forbids absolutely any travelling on my part for some time to come; but I am happy to say I can send a sufficient substitute, one in whom I have every possible confidence. He is a young man, full of energy and talent in his own way, and of a very faithful disposition. He is discreet and silent, and has grown into manhood in my service. He shall be ready to attend on you when you will during his stay, and shall take your instructions in all matters."

I feel like Dracula knew to take advantage of that, and also this feels like him basically reading the menu for an ideal victim once his business is said and done, so I get shivers, brrrrr.

Hitherto I had noticed the backs of his hands as they lay on his knees in the firelight, and they had seemed rather white and fine; but seeing them now close to me, I could not but notice that they were rather coarse—broad, with squat fingers. Strange to say, there were hairs in the centre of the palm. The nails were long and fine, and cut to a sharp point. As the Count leaned over me and his hands touched me, I could not repress a shudder. It may have been that his breath was rank, but a horrible feeling of nausea came over me, which, do what I would, I could not conceal.

I also like that while Jonathan is describing Dracula, he notice his hands. And I am also struck with how little it is brought up that he has hair on his palms, and I can see the more wolf-like nature of this vampire mythology. I wonder if Bram Stoker intended for werewolves and vampires to be the same thing in his novel? They are certainly compared and have similar powers and weaknesses, so it’s possible I guess.

Also Dracula has corpse-breath lol. Nasty.

I saw the first dim streak of the coming dawn. There seemed a strange stillness over everything; but as I listened I heard as if from down below in the valley the howling of many wolves.

Ah ha! Also the first foreshadowing we get for the importance of dawn and dusk in the novel, as we know later how important timing becomes for our protagonists, so seeing its affects already make me smile at the recognition of the signs so early.

"Listen to them—the children of the night. What music they make!" Seeing, I suppose, some expression in my face strange to him, he added:—

"Ah, sir, you dwellers in the city cannot enter into the feelings of the hunter."

And ah, an iconic line. Though I just get second hand angry and uncomfortable at Dracula’s insistence that he’s a “hunter” 🤢. God I just hate him haha.

I am all in a sea of wonders. I doubt; I fear; I think strange things, which I dare not confess to my own soul. God keep me, if only for the sake of those dear to me!

And literally Day 1 of being in the castle and Jonathan is already questioning his sanity and piecing things together he’s afraid to even voice in his journal. This is the second time in as many days he has already wished that those around him find this journal and laments should anything bad happen to him. It creates the impression of one who knows they’re walking into danger but must go on anyway.

But I love Jonathan so much, and I definitely really like the May 5th entry, and it does so much work to set up what happens later.

[the-modern-typewriter]

Peace, Love and...

The ropes were numerous, and painstakingly knotted to form an intricate spiderweb which stretched between two pillars on the left hand side of the room.

Cai hung in the web’s centre.

The golden thread wound around what felt like every inch of his body, pinning his arms and legs spread-eagled, curling firmly around his torso to hold him as secure and as thoroughly stuck as any good spider’s prey. His toes touched the floor only precariously to help hold him steady.

Every tug, every waver, every twitch of movement caused the small silver bells hooked to the web to chime softly.

The trick was to be as still, as quiet, as possible.

Nonetheless.

The bells chimed.

It had been less than five minutes.

Adam lounged on the sofa not far away, a whip dangling insouciantly from one hand, a book in the other. He was the picture of idle, entirely too lovely, cruelty – something that the Greek’s would have carved and marvelled at.

At the chime, his attention cut up, and his hand lashed out with wicked speed and wickeder precision.

Cai bit down hard on his lip, jolting on instinct at the hot sting of pain on his thigh. The bells chimed again.

Adam grinned, feral. His fingertips caressed the whip’s handle in a way that he had many times caressed the curve of Cai’s skin, his cheek, the bow of his lip. His gaze roamed over Cai like he was considering the next place to strike, in retaliation of that sound.  

“That’s not fair,” Cai gasped. “You have to let me adjust. Nobody holds still when they’re hit!”

“I’m sorry,” Adam replied, “at which point did I promise you fairness? Love, most certainly, war – of a sort, perhaps. But fairness?”

He landed another blow, a third, and then seemed to take pity.

“Fairness,” Adam settled back down, “was never especially on the agenda. Stillness is. You’re the one who wanted to work on being mindful, I am merely supporting you in your goals like a dutiful husband.”

“I suggested we try meditation!”

“My voice is music. I am your guide.”

Adam’s voice had turned dry at the words, and Cai just managed to catch himself before he snorted with laughter. Laughter really wouldn’t help his predicament. He watched the way that Adam’s fingers moved over the whip handle again, quite happily awaiting any opportunity, guessing at that laughter. His stare was fixed on Cai, intent, nowhere near as careless as his posture.

The urge to laugh faded out. He just as quickly wanted to shiver, with a pleased sort of anticipation. He knew that stare.

Cai swallowed. He stilled himself once more, and thought that Adam might have a point. Not about his voice being music, exactly, however partial Cai was to the cadences of his husband’s tone, but…  

“I think I have an idea,” Adam said, with a tone of relenting somewhat, or at least of shifting gears. “Hold still now.” He discarded the book and got up from his seat, crossing the room and returning with a blindfold. He placed it over Cai’s eyes, knotting it tight with deft movements. “There. No distractions.” Adam’s lips were hot, and very distracting, by his ear. “Say thank you.”

“Are you actually planning to top me into meditation?”

“Meditation is just subspace for vanilla people. Hush, that’s an order. Bratting does not equal mindfulness, it makes you too busy thinking how you can beat me. You can’t.”

Cai’s mouth snapped shut.  

Adam didn’t take that particular tone with him very often, but when he did…there really was something about that voice.

“Good,” Adam murmured. “Now…” he heard Adam’s footsteps move back to the sofa. “Listen.”

Cai had lost count of the number of times, of ways, that Adam had tied him up. Sometimes, it was because Cai wanted to feel restrained, other times because Adam wanted the feeling of having someone at his mercy. It was always because of the aesthetic, and, today, it was supposedly because of the calm.

Supposedly.

The act of being bound was calming, the act of being whipped was not. But wasn’t that Adam all over? He had a weakness for irony, the juxtaposition of contrasting elements, for the artistry of it all. It was one of the many things that Cai loved about him; he always managed to do the unexpected in some small way, even after all of their years together.

“Focus on the feeling of the rope,” Adam said, as steady as metronome, low and impossible to ignore. “On your breath, on holding still for me. That’s all I expect from you. Art is seen and not heard.”

Cai focused on the feeling of the rope, on his breath, on the effort it took to hold himself still. The muscles in his calves burned. It was, in its way, actually quite meditative.

The ropes today had been picked because they were silken; strong, but soft upon Cai’s skin. They were easy to focus on.

The point of the calming kind of meditation, at least from Cai’s reading, was to focus one’s body on specific sounds, or objects, or sensations, in order to cultivate a peaceful mind and an enhanced state of concentration. That was what he’d told Adam. Apparently, between his eye rolls, Adam had payed attention.

“You are not going anywhere,” Adam said. “You are safe, I’ve got you.”

There was simply the rope, the chimes, the whip. 

And, as always, there was him.

***

“Cai.”

Adam’s fingers were careful brushing his face, undoing the blindfold, letting the light of the world with all of its distractions seep back in.

“Cai.”

Cai opened his eyes, a little dazed, and certainly peaceful. He had lost track of time or at least stopped counting it. It had taken him a while to figure out how to hold still, to let go of the restless needs of the day and life, but once he was tied up there wasn’t really much a guy could do. Just like Adam said. Listening to his voice, his breath, it had been easy.

Adam stood in front of him, and Cai wasn’t entirely sure when he’d moved. His expression was one of a fond sort of amusement. “Are you still with me?” Adam asked. “Or have you found yogic bliss?”

Cai nodded.

“Oh, so yogic bliss?”

“You’re hilarious,” Cai said, without bite. “I’m with you. Always am.”

“Good,” Adam said, still watching him. A softer smile had crossed his lips. “You went very quiet. Very still.”

“Wasn’t that the point?”

“I didn’t expect it to be that effective - I was planning to torment you mercilessly. It would have been very cathartic.”

Cai simply gave a peaceful sort of hum and Adam laughed, quietly, shaking his head. He’d abandoned the whip, and his seeming initial plans, on the sofa. He reached up to check the ropes around Cai’s hands, going through the practiced motions of making sure Cai still had all the right circulation in his fingers.

“Are you ready to come down?” he asked.

Cai shook his head.

Adam laughed again.

“I suppose I could keep you up there like an exhibition piece.” He stroked his fingers down along Cai’s chest. “You’re rather calming to look at like this. Can’t get into any trouble.”

“I am the height of zen, I never get myself in trouble.”

“Uh-huh. I’m taking you down now. Come here.”

Soon enough, Cai’s feet were firmly planted on the floor once more, and Adam’s arm was wrapped firmly around his torso to hold him secure. The rest of the ropes fell away. Cai led him over to the sofa and they sprawled there for a while.

“So,” Cai said eventually. “If I suggest that we try couple’s yoga…?”

Adam’s fingers wound in his hair, tugging his head back to contort his spine, and kissed Cai’s cheek.

“I’m sure I’ll think of something much more fun.”

It was, to neither of their surprise, much more entertaining.

[mclalan]

What art program do you use? sorry if you already answered something like this but im so mesmerized by the techniques you use in your art.

Thank you. No need to apologise; I don't mind answering this question because it's an excuse to walk through my latest image!

The concept for this piece is based on being perceived online through interpretations of posts and artwork, yet how artificial this can be. The relationship the viewer forms is more with the narrative of the work, and any insight into the artist through this feels highly awkward to me, which is precisely what I want to explore with this piece.

In this example, I wanted an attractive sitter to look like someone out of a new romantics music video or like an Enya video, because this genre and era of media is very aesthetically pleasing and nostalgic for me. I hold it as an unobtainable ideal— a hauntology. So, as wonderful as it is, it equally feels shameful and perverse because it's an aesthetic object of desire that I am contriving.

The sitter is holding one of my cartoon characters, Lauren Ipson, the protagonist of my Ersatz world project. A trope in writing is when a character acts as a self-insert of the author, and I'm conscious to try and avoid that with Lauren. I try to write Lauren as dry and sardonic yet also fun, dramatic, and friendly. I don't think of these as personal qualities of my own, but I imagine personal qualities bleeding into fictional characters is inevitable.

Yet Lauren Ipson feels much more alive a character to me compared to any attempt at self-portraiture or self-expression that I've done, which is very little because I'm not interested in constructing a perceivable identity. (I'm aware this text itself can be interpreted as self-expression; however, to me this is just another construct.)

So Is the sitter meant to be me, controlling Lauren? I'm definitely baiting the viewer to think this, and you can interpret it that way if you want, but really I don't think of the sitter as me at all. My intention is to show how it's all a facarde. The sitter is basically just as much a doll, a puppet, a mannequin as Lauren Ipson is, if anything more so.

There's a deliberate irony between Lauren's cartoon rendering and the sitter, who I wanted to render with more detail and evoke a modernist style. I'm inspired by Hans Bellmer and Dorothea Tanning with their work with dolls. However, despite that implied visual hierarchy, the more detailed sitter shares a similar, stilted vector construct to Lauren. They're both born from vector drawing after all. And it's further undermined with the way Lauren the doll looks directly at the viewer, as if she's alive, while the sitter looks to the side with a blank, almost dead-in-the-eyes expression.

Anyway, with that in mind, almost all of my work starts as a thumbnail sketch. Although I often draft digitally and am fine with doing that, I feel more confident doing it freehand on paper. Digital rendering feels more like a refinement process to me. Funnily enough, although I often prefer to sketch with physical materials, I'm anxious of refining or rendering with them.

I like my designs to be very direct and conceivable, so a solid silhouette, pose, negative space etc. I often create a quick digital sketch with this in mind, either by tracing or referencing the thumbnail, although sometimes I skip this step and go straight to the rendered drawing. The aim is to establish a visual guide, dividing the drawing into various shapes for digital airbrush rendering later on.

With this composition, I made a second draft with more attention to details such as the face, hands and feet. Sometimes I'll use photo references if I'm struggling with posing or anatomy. These drafts are often blue because it's easier to render the black linework over a transparent blue sketch.

The chair took some time but was relatively simple to render. It uses the line tool set to magnetic anchor point, following two-point perspective vanishing points. I like two-point perspective because it feels sort of digitally native to me to have these impossibly perfect vertical lines. I also know the horizon line should be at eye level or something, but I just like the idea of the top of the chair to be perfectly horizontal.

Here I'm drawing the final rendered form. I use the stroke tool with it set as smooth as possible. Often I'll redraw lines over and over if it means getting certain curves to look right. Once the lines are drawn, I'll fill them in and remove the stroke, leaving just the solid vector shape. The shade of grey I use is done to simply denote the shape. It does not represent any kind of shading or anything; in fact, when I bring it into Photoshop, all these shapes are set to the same shade, but if I had that here in Animate as I'm drawing, it would be impossible to see what I'm doing. The red background is just for clarity.

Once it's all drawn, I'll make sure every shape is clean, overlapping nicely, and divided into its own layer. A composition can often be comprised of hundreds of separate shapes.

Each shape will be its own layer in Photoshop, which will operate as a clipping mask. The clipping masks act like masking tape or shielded off areas for soft brush opacity rendering, similar to the soft atomised rendering from an airbrush, just done digitally.

I follow very rudimentary painting techniques of simple shading, lighting, and bounce-back highlights. I follow a simplified Grisaille technique, focusing on strong values in greyscale before adding a wash of colour with a color gradient map set to layer style color. Sometimes my values can be a little off, but as long as the values are all consistently acting together, I can correct them with transparent washes or color curves. If the greyscale looks harmonious with all the forms clear, colour will likely work.

Proper digital painters will say this is an amateur process, with results that look mechanical and stiff, as colours in the real world all bounce together off different surfaces, resulting in colour harmonies. However, I don't mind the inharmonious nature of the colours, as I find the values give the composition enough harmony. I'm working digitally, so why go to all the effort to make it not look digital? It's interesting to me to have the red chair look blindingly red, the green skirt look blindingly green.

Colours can look boring without some form of harmony though, so I will add in blue-greens with the darker areas, more turquoise greens towards the highlights.

Skin tones are far more complex, however, as it's something that's more informed by realism. This is why kigurumi dolls with their plastic flesh look so artificial to the eye, because we're familiar with how light passes through flesh and skin and all the subtleties of colour that it picks up. This piece is the first time I've explored flesh tones, as typically I avoid all this by rendering skin as grey porcelain.

I needed to really up the contrast, with shaded areas becoming purples and highlights verging on washed out. Areas with more blood, like feet and cheeks, appear more orange and red. Areas closer to bone and cartilage, like the bridge of the nose, can look almost blue and green. Exploring these colour values and tints in the aim of natural tones was fun to do, and ironic given how blank the face is.

Although in the moment I feel very much like I'm rendering a realistic reality, when I step back, I'm reminded how stylised and unrealistic the painting actually is. It looks kind of insane, like everything is so uniform and overtly saturated. It doesn't feel present in a real space, despite the shadow and form implies one. But I'm not consciously thinking of these things, of style, as I'm working. To me, it's a process of world-building and problem-solving.

[thewadapan]

Spent today checking out The Amazing Digital Circus and Murder Drones, and god, the kids today have it so good when it comes to this sort of content. When I was a teen, I was obsessed with Red vs. Blue and RWBY, which I think it's fair to say are the equivalents of the time, and the sheer gulf in terms of writing quality and production value is stunning. I hear there were some rumblings of unprofessional conduct from the production company, which would hardly be surprising considering this is yet another guys-working-from-their-basement success story, but much bigger companies with much shittier business practises consistently put out much worse content than this.

The Amazing Digital Circus is definitely the better show of the two, thanks to its slam-dunk premise and some great writing from Gooseworx. The producers have talked about aiming to fill a perceived gap in the market between kids' cartoons (The Boss Baby) and adult animation (Bojack Horseman), and I think they have successfully threaded the needle to create a very unique tone. There's a sense of these works existing totally outside the mainstream media machine; they're not getting BBFC rated, but you just know millions of kids are watching them. It's on YouTube and the fact that it looks like some Frozen Spider-Man kids' slop just means da parents won't question what their kids are watching.

But truth be told, there's nothing objectionable about the content of The Amazing Digital Circus whatsoever. It's unusually metatextual and loosely apes the aesthetics of much darker media, touching on slightly more existential themes than your typical kids' cartoon, but it still has a lot in common with those same cartoons. The zany characters are all fairly one-note, and the emotional arcs of the episodes are honestly quite straightforward. The second episode in particular has an absolutely textbook plot structure to it. It's a far more self-assured and traditional style of writing than you ever see in this kind of independent work—certainly far more so than Murder Drones, which is written by an insane person.

More than anything, I'm reminded of how I felt watching Puella Magi Madoka Magica: that it's a very solid work of fiction, but that the people who'd get the most out of the work are isolated teens struggling to make the transition into adulthood. Certainly if nothing else, the fandoms of these shows must be bringing a lot of kids together around the world. I adore this soundbite from Goose: "Above anything else, I just wanted it to feel kind of lonely." You see Pomni's worldview shatter, she suddenly finds herself in a body that feels completely wrong, and she has to construct a new kind of belonging for herself.

As for Murder Drones, that show's absolutely fucking nuts, yo. The writing is at once painfully basic and utterly incomprehensible. If someone just sat down and explained the plot straightforwardly, it would be fantastically boring. But man, the presentation, the sheer delight the animators seem to approach every scene with...! I'd say it's clearly trying to use "the characters are robots" as an excuse to expose da kids to some absolutely shocking levels of gore, much like the Transformers movies, but midway through the series it starts straightup swapping the oil and wires for blood and bones and you've got to respect that.

The writing itself is so excruciatingly irony-poisoned that it goes beyond cringe and somehow wraps back around again to being sincerely funny. The show kind of wants to have its cake and eat it in terms of constantly lampshading how flat and cliché the emotional plotting is, but also clearly aiming to genuinely tug at the heartstrings and whip fans into a frenzy. And it kind of succeeds, I think! The way it veers between bizarrely high-effort implementations of memes, seriously cool fight scenes and horror visuals, and big emotional moments is very disarming. If The Amazing Digital Circus is an attempt to faithfully rework the American-cartoon formula for a slightly older audience, Murder Drones aims to crib the aesthetics of high-school cartoons while actively rejecting every traditional narrative technique used in those stories. Which means it's kind of bad, which means it's also kind of great.

If it's not already, then within a couple of years it will be deeply cringe to have ever been into Murder Drones in particular or (to a slightly lesser extent) The Amazing Digital Circus, in much the same way that everyone seems embarrassed to admit they were ever a Homestuck fan. But like with Homestuck, I feel like these series are genuinely pushing at the frontiers of storytelling in a way that's commendable and might inspire new kinds of writing once the fans grow up.

ENA is also pretty good, for the record.

[on-leatheredwings]

(Yandere?) Batboys discovering your alternative music taste (metal/goth/emo/etc)

Bruce is utterly alienated and out of his depth. Frankly, he doesn't know much about the scene. It also doesn't appeal to him much, besides the slower, moodier songs. But when it's obvious this is your taste, and it's important to you, he's fully supportive and interested. He'll purchase limited edition vinyl of your favorite albums, and have custom record stands made for you by artisans. If you happen to make music, he'll have a soundproof studio built in the manor. Sometimes, you catch familiar songs playing quietly in the Batcave, without provocation.

Dick wants you to teach him how to scream. Now. After you tell him about your music taste, he listens to your playlists and is quickly converted into a fan. Your favorite songs turn into his gym/training playlist, and he finds his leaps through the Blud are higher during a good breakdown. You two start sharing band tees. Dick would get you matching guitars, so you can practice together. Wearing a guitar pick that fits with another yin-yang style is his favorite accessory, to which you have the other half.

Jason wishes he had known earlier. Do you know how many concerts he's gone to alone, vibing out in the back of the crowd? He knows as many bands and as much alternative music history as you do. He also appreciates the more eccentric aesthetics of the scene with you. He'll put on a face of corspe paint with you any day of the week (the irony of the look isn't lost on him). Your favorite songs are fast and gritty, probably groove or thrash metal. Jason will get you both concert tickets, always front-row or in the pit. If it's the latter, he won't hesitate to knock heads together if they get a little too rowdy with you. Your best kisses also tend to happen while your favorite album is in the background, you will testify.

Tim decides to study it. Gamify it. To some extent, it's like he's studying you, which is his favorite subject, of course. Be prepared to know more than you ever imagined about your favorite artists, their writing processes, etc. Tim would be the one you have the most in depth conversations with sonically, his interpretations completely titillating and elevating the lyrics. But even if you aren't as intellectual as him, sometimes, you manage to surprise him back. He especially loves when you show him songs that strike him so poignantly, that he doesn't know how to quantify them. It encourages him to get out his head a bit more. Later on, he may get a matching tattoo of your favorite lyric, though with a symbolic image rather than explicit writing. For now, he makes playlists for you to listen to new bands he thinks you'd like.

Damian... isn't against it -- first, how could he be against anything you love? Second, he's already made his own foray into darker music... yours is just maybe more hardcore than he's ever cared to go. It just takes more exposure for him to Get It. Soon enough, he's intrigued by the artistic expression of it all. Raised with rigid rules and expectations, he certainly finds the liberation and appeal of music so rebellious and visceral. He enjoys more poetic language juxtaposed by gritty rhythms and mournful tempos. He tells you goth love songs remind him of you. Damian prefers to match silver jewelry or piercings with you, the former tend to have both of your initials engraved in spindly, thin fonts.

[loulalover]

sinful irony.

adam x fem! reader.

summary: Your forced into a Christian camp because of your mothers lies to her church friend. But after you see her son your sold. Only question is how do you seduce her Christian son or what if you already have?

cw/tw/tags: SMUT, porn with plot, camp counsellor au, m masterbation, oral f receiving, p in v, degrading, use of the word daddy, slight public sex, sort of dubious consent, mentions of pregnancy, virgin adam, adam is my own warning!! let me know if I've missed anything cause i'm SO tired!!

!a/n: i'm not liking this at all but i just want it done!! so i hope at least someone finds this enjoyable cause the formatting is killing me cause I tried to make all the text small and it kept crashing my tumblr so I’m done!! fuck being aesthetic I guess!! @sniigura

Eden camp where all teens went to learn how to be a better Christian’s and in all honesty there was no place better to go and as camp approached Adam was uncertain on what it would entail. He had perfected most if not all of the activities they did when he was a camper so now it was time to flex his skills to a bunch of teens and teach them what is right and what is wrong. Although his ideas of what right and wrong might be a bit misconstrued?

Maybe if his childhood was remotely normal he would have been a normal adult that goes out partying and drinks a shitload of alcohol during the summer but instead his pretentious mother had convinced him to be a youth leader at camp this year. Let’s give three big hoorays for Sera and her amazing ideas!

Adam was excited to an extent, but then there was Lucifer. The slimey son of a bitch who stole not one but two of his ex girlfriends. You can’t really come back from that and to top it all off he was the one that Adam was leading the boys Cabin with. The fact he’d even have to be in the vicinity of and share air with that fucker made his skin crawl with disgust l.

At least he had his best friend Lute would be there who was trying her best so keep her composure after being assigned a cabin with Lilith. Lucifers soon to be wife and Adam’s first ex girlfriend. If you could even call her that. The relationship was off? To say the least. And if it couldn’t get any worse Eve would be there. Of course she would, when this all started they were happily in love and talked about how going away and teaching at a camp for a couple weeks would be so beneficial to their relationship. But alas she would be there.

Sweet Eve, who wouldn’t love the ever loving, beautiful church girl? The girl who’d foster baby birds back to health after they fell from their nest and would go out of her way to help lost children in the supermarket find there parents. Adam. Adam did not love her. In fact he despised her in a way. Okay maybe not despised but it’s hard to love the girl who cheated on you with your ex best friend and ex girlfriend. Just because you never slept together!!

He kind of wished as the days approached that Eve would get into some horrific accident so he wouldn’t have to face her. As horrible as that sounds.

He just couldn’t imagine having to face them all after he walked into Eve’s apartment that day to them fucking like bunnies. It was a sight for sore eyes and as much as it hurt Adam to let go of Eve and all they’d been through together he couldn’t seem to make peace with the fact she’d sought out others and ended the relationship a week later. They still saw each other of course in places like University, church and most importantly the youth group they started running together in their senior year of high school for young teens wanting to learn about Jesus.

He should have just found a new youth group and started assisting there but Sera talked him out of it. She spewed nonsense about how the kids loved him and needed him and he was a great asset to their church. And with his ego boosted he continued as he was like nothing happened. But now camp was approaching where all he would see are these people and he couldn’t exactly ignore them.

Just then his phone pinged. The name read mom. Not that Adam ever called her that anyway.

[Mom]: Hello Adam, as camp is approaching I thought it would be a good idea for yous who are leading to set up a group chat. I have forwarded your number to the girl who is sharing a cabin with Eve and she’s going to set up a group. She looks forward to meeting you.

[Adam]: ok ma thanks for letting me know

That was all Adam sent. He didn’t want to start anything with her or further continue the conversation so he just let it be as it was. As he scrolled the through his socials he saw a couple messages pop up.

As he scrolled through the messages he picked up on the girls name. She seemed cool enough but no photos indicating what she looked like. There was her full name though. So without a second thought Adam searches your full name into instagram and only one account comes up. So he clicked and oh fuck.

She looked gorgeous. Her photos emanating how flawless she truly was. She surely didn’t look the part of a Christian camp leader though. How did she even get this gig? One of the requirements was being Christian.. He knew that for certain. Maybe he had her mistaken. Surely she was better than what she led on.. right? That’s at least what Adam hoped as he turned his phone off and threw it somewhere on his bed and did his best to fall asleep. It was in vain though, fuck were you pretty.

Adam ripped down his boxers and rubbed at his member. He massaged his fingers over his tip and groaned as he pushed his head back into his pillows.

How did you have such an effect on him? Some prostitute looking whore who looked like she’s flash her tits to anyone. Adam wanted nothing more than to knock some decency into you. No well respected girl dresses like that. Right?

As Adam groaned again moving his fingers up and down his dick before fixating on the base. It felt good in a way. The pleasure Adam felt was indescribable but it was only pleasure he got from himself. He had never actually had sex.

It’s not like it was that big of a deal. So what if he hadn’t fucked a bitch, who needs to do that anyway? Not him, that’s for sure.

He had come close though. Not with Lilith even kissing Lilith was a struggle for the both of them and quite frankly was something they did a handful of times but with Eve he delved further. It did take them a while. Adam didn’t want to give into his unholy urges so he held out, like any responsible Christian boy would do.

Eve seemed understanding though he could sense her disappointment when he pulled away before they even got the chance to make out. He could see the looks of despair and how distant she acted after he turned down her further advances. She never communicated this verbally to him but he could sense it. He knew she longed for more and in a way it made him feel like she had the right to cheat. He always reassured himself that her decision was selfish and he had no reason to feel bad for someone’s wrong actions but sometimes late at night when he’s alone with his thoughts he wonders what would have happened if he’d just given in. Maybe then he wouldn’t be alone and she’d be here with him.

He remembers when he did give in though. They were in his apartment and they were making out. An odd occasion that Adam didn’t often indulge in. Our he wanted to appease her so he went along and her carried away. They undressed and hadn’t do en thought twice of the consequences until Sera had barged in. How she’d gotten in was beyond Adam bjr he was lectured for weeks after it and was made to go to confession to confess his sinful actions. From then on him and Eve went back to stage 1 which consisted on an arm wrapped around her while they watched movies, band holding and little pecks ok the lips. He could tell she was unsatisfied with how things had to be though.

Adam felt his dick twitch and could feel he was close to climax as he kept massaging his cock. He wishes you were here with him to help him. Wait no he didn’t? He didn’t even know you. Bur still you were beautiful. At least to Adam and as he kept rubbing he felt climax reaching and he let it cumming all over his hand and sheets.

He let himself feel the pleasure for a .2 seconds before the guilt settled in. He felt it in his gut the overwhelming sense of dread. What did he just do?

He immediately got up and wakes to the bathroom running the tap and squirting 5 pumps of soap onto his hands and lathering it, rubbing his hands together and soaking them under water and repeating the ritual 2 more times. He calms himself who’re returning to the side of his bed and gets down on his knees at the side of the bed and bows his head.

Adam prays. He prays for forgiveness and to help him overcome his lust. He prays and prays until he finally doesn’t feel ridden with guilt and gets up and turns on his TV. He pots on whatever show he can find and turns down the volume. It drowns out his thoughts and puts him to sleep quicker.

And just like that the days flew past and Adam was now boarding a bus. It was loud and full of teens who seemingly had bundles of energy even though it was 7am. Adam was trying to hype himself up while sipping the coffee Lute and him bought on the way here. It was going to be a long ride full of attempts to sleep and failing because whoever the fuck on the back of the bus is playing 2000s white girl tunes and screaming them like a banshee. He wasn’t going to say anything he was happy enough. Especially that he didn’t even have to ask to be sat with Lute on the ride there. Usually you were made to sit with whoever you were sharing a cabin with but under the circumstances Adam was allowed to sit with Lute and Lucifer and Lilith sat together instead.

He was happy enough with the arrangement and stuck his headphones in. Lute was already sat by the window scrolling away on her phone. It was too early to expect her to socialise and in all honesty he didn’t want to socialise either. He needed sometime to recoup to even be able to physically live when he’d be sharing a room with Lucifer and a bunch of rowdy teenage boys for the next couple weeks.

It wouldn’t be terrible especially not when the pretty girl he masterbated too with sitting across the aisle from him. Though she was chatting up his ex girlfriend Eve and for a split second he wished he was her instead. What is he even thinking? He turns away from you and unlocks his phone scrolling through whatever he can to keep himself occupied as they set off.

You had noticed Adam. In fact you’d found yourself into him the moment you met his mother at your parents house.

You were visiting for the afternoon when you met Sera. She was a tall, elegant woman who held herself well, with dark skin and vitiligo on her cheeks and white almost luminescent eyes and lashes that made them stand out even more. She was slender and had the most beautiful grey ringlet curls you had ever seen. This is was Sera? You kind of assumed Sera was some blonde bitch who had several different baby daddies and lived off church’s money but this lady carries herself with dignity and was self assured.

She was delighted to meet you, said she’d heard so much about you. You were sure she hadn’t though. Your parents had a habit of lying when it came to you. You felt guilty that you weren’t the daughter they envisioned but they weren’t the parents they envisioned themselves to be either. So you sat there indulging in your parents lies. It was somewhat comical of how much they came up with. But what can you say it was funny. Key word was. When she started talking about how her sons Christian camp needed more leaders you felt your stomach drop.

You had half the mind to tell her your parents had been lying for years and you were in fact nor the perfect, church going daughter she had envisioned and having your parents be blackballed from the church community. But you played it off and said you would think about it and expressed pity. She looked delighted and told you her son has just broken up with his girlfriend a couple months ago. How he was perfect marriage material and how you two would make a lovely couple.

Your head was spinning. Okay first this ladies trying to convince you to go to some random camp and help out there and now she’s talking about marrying you into her family? She’s crazy especially when she brought up about her son being a virgin.

‘His names Adam and I think you too would get along great.’ She chimed and she sipped on some of the tea your mother had brewed a couple of minutes prior who stood by the counter sipping a cup of coffee looking on edge. Probably in case you slipped up on some heinous lie she told.

‘I’m sure he’s great.’ You smiled at her sipping away at your own coffee and internally trying to keep yourself sane.

‘Here look.’ She said momentarily pausing while flipping through her phone and pulling up a photo of her what you thought was going to be her dorky, repressed loser ass son who would probably live in his mothers basement till she died and he finally could have access to the whole house. But looking at the photo..

He was sexy and what can you say? You were easily bought. It helped you in other ways too!! Like you get extra credit from your university for working with kids. Totally justifiable. At least that’s what you told yourself. Damn you didn’t think you’d have a thing for conservative, Christian virgins but here you are on a bus to a Christian camp with one goal in mind. Fucking Sera’s son.

You sat down across the aisle from him and introduced yourself to Eve. You had spoken to her once or twice over text message and a couple times more in your camp counsellor group chat. But seeing her in person was a different experience.

She was etheral and you couldn’t help but feel inferior to a girl with such good looks and personality. She had dark skin and her hair was pulled into box braids. Her eyes were a deep chocolate coloured brown and looked soft. She had large breast and wide hips and stomach rolls.

She was beautiful and her smile radiated happiness as she introduced herself. She seemed happy and in her environment. She seemed the type of person who could be placed anywhere and just fit.

She told you all about her youth group and how she ran it with her now ex boyfriend. Adam.

Looking at her surely that couldn’t have been right? She was Adams ex girlfriend? She was gorgeous. The definition on beauty nobody could compare to what she looked like. It made sense though someone as gorgeous as her needed somebody to match her. And Adam and her fit like puzzle pieces intertwined they complimented each other insanely well. And he never had sex with her? If she even mentioned the word sex she would have been pinned to the bed immediately. You couldn’t understand why Adam would reject her sexual advances. Surely she’d made some, so why did he say no to her? She was the kind of woman who could make Victoria secret models feel inadequate. You wondered if that was why they had broken up. You tried not to make assumptions as you chatted to her. Maybe cracking Adam would be harder than you first assumed.

It was a long drive and felt even longer now that you had arrived. Your cabin was far and your case with heavy and your eyes practically drooped with exhaustion and your head hung low but you pulled through. You greeted the girls in your cabin warmly and expressed your excitement. You weren’t actually too happy to be here but you weren’t going to let anyone here know that.

‘Alright guys, lets get going! When we get to the cabin you’ll have fifteen minutes to get sorted and then you’ll have free time for the next two hours before dinner.’ She chimed cheerfully. That was getting old. How is she so cheerful after travelling six hours with one stop? Still you smiled as you pulled along your heavy ass suitcase.

‘Need help with that?’ Someone from behind you asked.

He sounded even hotter. Was this grounds for having children? Nope not even close. But it was him. Adam. And fuck was he sexy. Even sexier than the photos you’d seen of him.

‘Yeah.’ You stated smiling turning to face him. ‘You think you could help me with it?’ You questioned a tilt in your voice. You don’t exactly know what it is but men love to play the strong, dominant, I’m so great card a lot. Especially because they presume your helpless. You don’t necessarily like playing the ‘I’m so helpless’ princess card but if it’d stroke his ego enough..

‘Of course babe,’ he smirked smugly winking at you. ‘names Adam.’ He said picking up your case with ease and walking ahead up to your cabin.

Adam was a big guy, you knew that from the photo you say of him but seeing him in person was a different experience. Especially when he’s just picked up the case you could barely bring to your car and trug to the bus driver with ease did something to you. Maybe your just ovulating.

You followed him along with your easy carry on bag, smiling at him as he made it up the hill. ‘Thank you so much.’ You smiled at him looking up at him and slightly batting your eyes. Is that sexy? You hope it is.

He seems to think so as a grin plasters his face and he looks you up and down. ‘No problem gorgeous.’ He states looking back down the hill he sees a group of boys walking the same direction.

‘Look at that our cabin’s our right next to each other.’ He states smirking and winking at you.

‘What luck.’ You whisper loud enough for him to hear. ‘It’s been so nice to meet you Adam but I gotta go unpack.’ You state backing away smiling at him.

His face drops for a second then contorts and he looks angry and he looks like he’s going to say something but he doesn’t and just like that he’s back to smiling. ‘Yeah me too, but after orientation with our cabins the counsellors are going swimming down in the lough. You should come.’ He winks.

‘Yeah I will, see you then.’ You wink back retreating up the steps to your cabin and pulling your case into your assigned room.

The rooms are nice, cosy actually. The bed’s are made of wood with red bedsheets and white pillows and it reminds you of one of those winter cabins you’d find in the Christmas movies. They’re tiny to preserve space but you’d rather that than a bunk bed. You both have a wardrobe each and a mirror. The room isn’t terrible but you’d have to make do with the space at least for now. So unzipping your case you start to unpack your clothes and shoes into the wardrobe.

‘Hey, you nearly ready?’ Eve chimed while popping head round the corner of the door.

‘Yeah, practically all done.’ You replied.

‘Great, I forgot to tell you we’re all going swimming later, well the counsellors. You want to join? I totally want to get to know you better and everyone else would love to meet you.’ Eve said. She was so soft spoken and genuine it made you want to hug her.

‘Oh yeah, Adam mentioned that to me I’d love to.’ Her face contorted for a second into confusion but it’s almost like she realised what face she was making and went back to making her perky, happy face.

‘I’m SO excited, I can already tell we’re gonna have the BEST time together.’ She said walking towards you and taking your hand. Her hands were warm but not in a sweaty way but in a comforting way, it felt like taking a mother’s hand warm and soft.

‘Me too.’ You replied smiling at her as she kept your hand in hers dragging you to the living room for orientation.

Walking to the lough wasn’t long but Eve made it longer by pointing everything out and practically speaking to everyone she had any relation too or people she did not know. She’d been here every year since she was thirteen and now she was in her twenties. Doesn’t she get bored, apparently not.

Walking down the steps you took off your cover on and flip flops and placed your towel and phone on top of them. Scanning the lough your eyes fell on Adam who was sitting on a paddle board looking bored but as he looked up and locked eyes with you he smiled waving you over to him. So You pushed yourself down the ladder and into the water.

It was hell, the water was cold and any joy you had before this had been sucked out of you. Your face said it all as a little farther in the distance you could her Adam laughing at you. You glared at him as you made your way over.

‘You good down there?’ He asked still laughing slightly.

‘No.’ You quivered, teeth chattering. ‘Help me up I’m freezing.’ You practically yelped but Adam looked down at you with a shit-eating grin.

‘Uh-no, I’m good.’ He smirked chuckling to himself.

‘Fu- frick.’ You cursed changing your word mid sentences. Christians don’t curse. ‘I’ll do it myself.’ You stated repeating the ‘I can do it’ mantra in your head. You pulled yourself up slightly your hands clasped on the edge as you pulled yourself further but Adam just had to be an asshole. Of course he did as he pushed his foot towards you and pushed it against your chest causing you to plummet backwards under the water.

As you resurfaced choking on the water you’d just inhaled Adam cackled at you and your predicament. You clasped at the side of the paddle board and you rubbed under your eyes blinking the water out of them to help you see.

‘Here babe.’ Adam calls helping you up and sitting you beside him. You open your eyes fully looking at him.

‘You got a little makeup.’ He states rubbing the black mascara marks on your cheeks away with his thumb. You lean into his touch as he cups your cheek and squishes it slightly. You push away and smile as him bring your knees close to your face. He scrunches his nose and pushes you back off the paddle board and jumps in. You screech as he swims away and you try to catch him. You play around with him till the other counsellors announce they are going back to shower. You stay back with Adam. It’s not like you could use the shower if Eve was in it.

Adam sighs as he lays back on the paddle board you previously sat on. You lay beside him tired out yourself. ‘I fucking hat it here.’ He groans placing his hands over his face. Your surprised ro hear him curse but you turn to him before turning your head back to the sky.

‘Any particular reason?’ You question trying not to pry but what can you your a major gossip. And a slut but that’s besides the point.

‘That fucker Lucifer and his soon to be wife Lilith the fucking snakes.’ He hisses. ‘Stole my fucking girl and now I have to see her everyday and get reminded that she fucked them.’ He went silent.

‘That sucks.’ You sigh. You don’t really have anything else to say apart from that. You weren’t really sure if anything you said with help.

‘Yeah it really does, but fuck her she’s missing out.’ He puffs his chest with somewhat pride. Okay he bounces back quick.

‘From what exactly? A virgin?’ You sneer, not with malice but more jokingly.

‘Who said I was a virgin?’ He yells, sitting up and dramatically looking at you. You have half the mind to tell you his mother told you but you don’t.

‘I can tell.’ You state back to him as he glares at you before looking away embarrassed.

‘And your not?’ He queries.

‘A virgin? Hell no, lost that a LONG time ago.’ You laugh at his shocked expression before an idea pops into your head.

‘Hey Adam?’

‘What?’ He questions.

“Wanna see something?” You question lips curling into a tight smirk. Adam nods hesitantly unsure of what kind of surprise you’d pull in the middle of the lake.

You slowly and carefully lifted down the top piece of your bikini exposing your breast and hardened nipple.

The shock on Adam’s face was all you needed to see as you swiftly lifted your bikini back up to cover yourself again and giggled.

You placed your hands on his shoulders to keep yourself afloat and giggled “Do you like that?” You mused. He sputtered on water as he tries to recollect himself. Was Sera sure this girl was Christian?

You giggled at him as you swum back, he followed in toe grabbing his stuff.

‘You know if you wanna learn I’ll teach you.’ He looked away obviously flustered before flipping you off and cussing you out. You started to walk off but before you did you turned around and spoke.

‘Oh yeah and Adam? You might wanna fix that before the meeting, not very professional you know?” You smirk suggestively, attempting to make eye contact with the more than flustered man to no avail. Turning on your heels you walked off back to your cabin to unpack the rest of your shit you hadn’t got to before orientation and shower before your dreaded meeting. You heard him yelling in the distance. Something about how you could only dream of sucking his dick? Maybe coming here wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

The meeting went by fine but you could see Adam stare at you every so often and his boner was gone. At least he knew how to do something you thought. As you sat by the campfire roasting marshmallows with your cabin and conversing. You could feel Adam’s gaze on you but you ignored it choosing to leave him to make the first move, which may take a while. So as you packed up for the night as walked back to the cabin hearing Adam call you wasn’t what you expected. His cabin was all packed in for the night as he walked towards you.

‘You forgot something earlier, come on it’s on our balcony.’ He mumbled dragging you along inside. The cabin layout was basically the same as yours and you could hear boys chattering and moving around and room light’s under closed doors. You walked towards the balcony with Adam. Walking outside he closed the door behind him and walked you over to where you couldn’t be seen behind the curtain.

‘What’d I l forget?’ You questioned. You didn’t remembering leaving anything but to be fair you we’re forgetful and didn’t realise until the last possible moment that you forgot something so.

‘This.’ He said approaching you and pulling you into him. He met your lips and kissed you. He placed his hands on your hips and picked you up placing you on the nearby table. You clung your arms around his neck pulling at his hair and deepening the kiss. He groaned as your tongues clashed together. He leaned you back breaking away from the kiss and sucking at your neck. Fuck you we’re gonna have to cover that but you didn’t have the willpower to make him stop as he moved down to between your legs. He looked up at you like a lost puppy. He didn’t know how to proceed.

You sat back up and undid your pants pulling them off. Adam copied and watched as you pulled down your underwear and showed him your pussy. He looked in awe.

‘Wanna eat me out?’ You asked. He nodded moving his hands to your thighs as you leaned back down.

Adam was hesitant at first but quickly got the hang of it as he licked up your clit. A moan escaped your mouth your legs threatening to close around his head. Adam suddenly gained momentum as he sloppily started making out with your pussy, sucking away at you as if he was drunk.

You bit down on your hand to prevent your moans from becoming louder and risking getting caught as Adam kept his pace as he tongue fucked your cunt and you could feel the pleasure start to pool in your stomach and you could feel yourself getting close.

Adam mumbled against your pussy ‘You taste so good.’ He whispered before continuing to kiss as your hole.

Adam’s nose moved against your cunt and you felt yourself beginning to release and you came undone around him moaning his name. Adam wasted no time in licking up your cum.

As he moved away from your still wet pussy you could see his erection outlining his boxers. He moved to your lips sloppily against his. You could taste yourself on him but you didn’t seem to care as he pulled away and pulled off his boxers.

Looking down his dick was girthy and totally big. Fuck were you in for it if he could figure out how to use it. But he’d never used his tongue and was still one of the only guys to make you cum so he has to be doing something right.

‘I’m not using a fucking condom so let’s hope I knock some fucking decency into you slut.’ He groans as he slides his dick into your cunt.

It feels electric as you ride on the ecstasy as Adam pumps inside of you. He knows what he’s doing as he whispers curses and nasty words at you.

‘You like that whore? Tell me how much you like it?’ He grunts pulsing inside you still as you babble incoherent sentences totally high on his dick.

‘Use your words baby.’ He whispers into your ear. ‘Does daddy make you feel good?’ He questioned. The use of the term daddy in any other scenario would make you cringe but the way Adam said it made it sound sexy.

‘Yes.’ You hissed as he continued thrusting into you and hitting your G spot just right and just like that you came undone under Adam for the second time that night. He might be a virgin but he KNOWS how to fuck. That’s for sure.

Adam came soon after right inside you. Kind of made you wish you weren’t on the pill so you could have his baby.

Adam practically came in buckets to put it bluntly. His head was lying on your shoulder as he pulled out of you and you could feel the cum running down your legs. Hopefully nobody seems. But you couldn’t say you didn’t exactly wish that. You hoped someone would see in a way. Getting caught is thrilling and especially at a Christian camp.

Recollecting yourself you pulled up your undies and felt Adam’s cum mixed with your own squelch against them as it rubbed up against your already sensitive clit. You choked back a moan as you pulled your jeans back up buttoning them.

You sat at the edge of the table waiting for Adam to speak as he dressed himself. He walked towards you situating himself between you legs and lifting your chin up to softly kiss you. You were entranced in the kiss when you heard someone calling your name.

‘Fuck I gotta go.’ You whispered hearing Eve call your name. You pecked at Adam’s lips as you slid off the table and opened the door. ‘Goodnight Adam.’ You mumbled, winking at him and closing it behind you and running out the door to meet Eve and drag her back inside with you.

Adam leaned back against the table. Fuck was that was amazing. Just as he was about to get up to go back inside someone came out to meet him. It was one of his campers. The ones he was responsible.

‘Hey um Adam?’ Isaac called. He hummed as he moved next to him. ‘I have something to ask you but it’s kind of awkward.’ He trailed off looking to the ground.

Adam smiled at him. ‘Ask away, I’m here to teach you and guide you.’ The way he spoke differentiated between the kids and the way he spoke to you. It was kind of comedic how fast he could switch up from being a manwhore to a holy man. Vast difference between the two but Adam could be both.

‘You see I keep falling into lust..’ He mumbled. ‘And I’m really trying not too but I find it really hard. And I guess I was wondering how to deal with it? How you’d deal with it?.’ He questioned. He sounded exasperated of all options at this point and Adam was proud to guide him in the right direction. To tell him what he would do.

Suddenly Adam’s stomach dropped. Wait what did he do? Lust is a sin. But not only lust, sex. Sex before marriage is a sin. He just committed one of the most terrible sins and felt no remorse until a fucking child asked him? Is he being serious?

What had Adam done? He’d went against his beliefs and what he stood for. His morals something he swore to never do till marriage with a girl he JUST met. What had he done? How could he make up for this? No, no no. This can’t be happening it’s not real. Adam stumbled over his words and talked about prayer and reading the Bible and how it really helps and sent Isaac back to bed and he thanked him profusely as Adam smiled but inside he felt suffocated. How could he guide children and help them when he was going against everything he and they believed in? Adam knelt down on the floor and prayed. I mean what else could he do?

[innuendostudios]

by a wide margin the weirdest video essay I've ever release: List of Songs that Represent "Smart Music" Ranked from Most to Least Appropriate to Put in a Video Essay

this video is sponsored by Nebula, where you can watch ad-free and (sometimes, slightly) better edited versions of my videos for 40% off an annual subscription. just follow this link.

as a quick note: YouTube has already demonetized this video, as two different corporations are claiming copyright on recordings they do not own the copyright to - both are Creative Commons recordings of public domain music, that, in one case, YouTube has misidentified as a different recording, and, in the other, YouTube has the music in its database as under copyright despite it being having been released under CC BY-SA 3.0. I am disputing these false claims and will (hopefully) get whatever money I am owed, but, for now, YouTube is not paying me a dime for this.

so it would be a bigger help than usual if you would either watch the video on Nebula or back me on Patreon.

thanks. transcript below the cut!

List of Songs That Represent “Smart Music” Ranked From Most To Least Appropriate To Put In A Video Essay (And Presented In Drill Bit Order).

1. Clair de Lune, Debussy

This has been top dog ever since the teaser for Godzilla: King of the Monsters, and cemented its position against challengers with a showcase in Everything Everywhere All at Once. Said film could have been the shark-jumping moment where the song was irretrievably lost to irony, given directors Kwan and Scheinert (Daniels)’s style mercilessly marries the aesthetics of prestige and shitpost. Yes, despite its silliness, EEAAO is achingly sincere, but could the general public be trusted to recognize that? But then it won Best Picture, so apparently yes! Beautiful, delicate, to score a film or video with Clair de Lune signals a desire to be seen not only as an intellectual, but as an aesthete. The song could lose potency if the Clair de Lune sequence were parodied enough, but how does one parody EEAAO???

9. Gymnopedie No. 1, Satie

I fear we must, as a society, and as a community of video essayists, move on from Gymnopedie No. 1. It held the title longer than, I think, any champion previous, and for that it deserves merit. But its time is over. It is, like the phrase “mad dated,” mad dated. It is saying “lmao” out loud. Did you know the original screenplay for 2005 film The Island specifically stated that, in the weird culty enclave in which the film opens, Gymnopedie No. 1 must be playing over the loudspeaker? I don’t think Michael Bay followed that directive (I’m not rewatching the movie to find out), but that is how long this was the “Smart Music” song - since 5 months after YouTube launched. If you must - absolutely must - put Satie in a video essay, use Gnossienne No. 1, though it too is on its way to passe. At this point I’m prepared to say Vexations or GTFO.

2. Ave Maria, Schubert/Liszt

Nothing was certain after Satie vacated the throne, and for a while it seemed we might have a Starks vs. Baratheons situation between Schubert and Debussy. Following several appearances in pretentious YouTube videos, the Ave Maria made its strongest showing yet by scoring the opening scene of the grimdarkest Batman film so far, an entire twenty days before getting fully Lannister’d by Everything Everywhere All at Once. Unbowed, unbent, and unbroken, still she nips at the heels of the king, and may yet take his place. No one else poses a comparable threat. Hers is a curious strategy, being a religious, Christmas, and even classic Disney standard now repurposed as “Smart Music;” she gets a big boost every December, but can she take the top spot before this cyclical exposure nudges her back into a prior niche?

8. Moonlight Sonata, Beethoven

If you were in a film program in the mid-2000s, you are sick to death of Moonlight Sonata. Also if you were in a music class where you were asked to determine a song’s time signature by ear - how am I supposed to tell the difference between waltz time and 4/4 with all triplets without the sheet music in front of me? To say scoring a video with Moonlight Sonata is a hack move - you’d have to be a hack to not already know! This was the soundtrack to the blind cave salamander level of Earthworm Jim 2, there’s no coming back from that! I mean, the association with Tallarico Studios alone… It’s done. Roll over, Beethoven.

3. Cello Suite No. 1 (Prelude), Bach

This one is firmly-rooted. It is not going anywhere, both in the sense that nothing could soon push it off the list but it’s hard to imagine rising any higher. It is just slightly too beautiful, too expressive, too legato to fall into the stiffness of Habanera or the pomposity of a De Beers ad, but just close enough to them in tone to always read as a hipper alternative. So you’ll never be overexposed, but never go that long without hearing the Yo-Yo Ma version. And so here it stays, third on the podium, solid bronze, the waterbender, the Plup; with you as always is Prelude to Cello Suite No. 1. (Frankly surprised it took us this long to get to Johann, but don’t worry - he’ll be Bach.)

7. Air on the G String, Bach/Wilhelmj

Told ya. It’s not that she isn’t a beautiful piece of music, and it’s not that she already had her time. In truth, she never got her flowers. Inasmuch as she had a run, it was squished between the omnipresences of Beethoven and Satie. You’ll still hear from her now and then; she crops up, like a lucky penny. And you’ll smile, every time, but you know the stars in your eyes are not present joy, but nostalgia. A fondness for what was and what could’ve been - what should have been. Why - why couldn’t this have had the legs of Gymnopedie? I mean, even the Fucking Champs version - could that have made a run? Could TikTok pick up on it? But comes the day you have to accept - if it was gonna happen, it would’ve happened by now. Air on the G String grows weary; let her rest.

4. Duo des Fleurs, Delibes

Bit of a dark horse, this one. Didn’t exactly come out of nowhere - it’s been here the whole time - but you didn’t see it coming! It’s like that time I went snorkeling, and I wondered, “Where are the fish?” I was told there would be tropical fish, but all I saw was blue. Then I caught one flitting by my head and, as soon my eyes registered the shape, I realized they were everywhere! I just hadn’t taken them in. This is the one that makes you ask, where did I hear that before? Was this the one at the end of Margaret? No! How did it go? How do I hum dyads? But then it shows up and, oh yeah, that’s the one! The really pretty one. I knew it’d come around again. Has staying power, could make a run for the top if it sees an opening, but seemingly content, for now, to dance around the periphery, appreciated when heard if only half-remembered the next day.

6. Prelude in E Minor Op. 28 No. 4, Chopin

The bottom end of acceptability. Anything lower, you must avoid. But you can use Prelude in E. It is a risk, and it takes skill. But you can use Prelude in E. It is not for the faint of heart. This is the ending of Fez we’re talking about here. This is that one TED Talk about how everyone loves classical music they just don’t know it yet. This was all over Anatomy of a Fall. Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer something lighter? Nocturne in E-flat [Op. 9 No. 2] is very nice. Prelude has just enough penetration that some people are going to recognize it, and enough clout that those who do are going to expect things of the person who puts it in a video essay. You can’t just throw this under a rant about The Snyder Cut. But you can - with care, with effort, and with grace - use Prelude in E.

5. Spiegel im Spiegel, Part

We are not ready for Spiegel im Spiegel. The rare “Smart Music” that is, rather than classical, contemporary minimalist. This is - I have been led to believe - all over the film festival circuit. It is the go-to for aspiring arthouse directors. So I assume it is only a matter of time until it reaches general cultural awareness. But we - the YouTube video essay community - are not, at this point in time, pretentious enough to pull off Spiegel im Spiegel. This is not a statement on the song: it is a lovely, sparse, and unpretentious piece of music, which is why pretentious people are drawn to it. And we are not there yet. But I believe in us.

POSTSCRIPTUM

The List of Songs that Represent “Smart Music” is not ranked by quality; they are all, as a baseline, masterpieces. They are ordered, instead, by their possession of antipodal qualities. Beethoven’s Fifth may be a beautiful piece but it’s too well-known - to the casual listener, it reads only as “classical music.” Vltava is a beautiful piece, but it’s not recognizable enough - to most, it will read only as “music.” Pachelbel’s Canon works in too many contexts. Mozart’s Lacrimosa no longer works in any context but “Shit’s About To Go Off.” The Song that Represents “Smart Music” must balance these humors: suggestive, but not too specific; recognizable, but not overfamiliar. The kind of thing one imagines cultured people listen to, and fancies oneself cultured for having noticed it. Just popular enough to signify obscurity to a large number of people.

This impossibility of being both popular and obscure is what keeps the list in motion. Many songs drift back into obscurity before reaching the top, but, once in the primary position, a song begins its slow procession to overexposure. And when, at last, it is too popular to be niche, it does not slip to number 2; it plummets to the bottom, as did Icarus.

Due to this slow but constant movement, new songs will, at intervals, join the ranks, taking the place of those that became gauche. And if, dear listener, you were aiming to trendset, to score your next whatever-it-is-you-do with the newest Song to Represent “Smart Music,” and were I a gambling man… Bach’s Prelude in C. And I’ll tell you why: it appears in the Netflix series Bodies alongside Chopin (#6), mirroring Satie’s dual appearance in The Queen’s Gambit (#9); its arpeggiated structure makes it usable in scenarios similar to the Cello Suite (#3) (Johann did love him some broken chords); and it forms the basis of the Gounod version of Ave Maria, if you would like a Cool Person’s Alternative to Schubert (#2). You may feel I’m playing too safe, but I tell you truly: this song is due. But if I can impart one piece of wisdom let it be this: whatever you do, whoever you are, you cannot use Fur Elise. You cannot. You can’t do it. It can’t be allowed. Don’t fu-

[kozachenko]

So last night I got the idea to do my own design of Doremy Sweet and I am so happy with how it turned out omg.

Artists note below:

My main sources of inspiration were dreamcore aesthetics, Rayman (never played the game but I like the design of the main character), the ENA series on Youtube (tbh IDK how much that influence did show in the design, it's more of the general vibes of that series) and by proxy a lot of Oliver Bucklands music which I listened to while drawing this. As I was doing the hands, I was also reminded of Welcome Home, mainly cuz they were soft round muppet hands and I kinda liked that. Much like what I did when doing my own design of Hisami, I made Doremys features very simplified, giving her a simple line for her nose and blacking out the eyes. I think it gives a really neat inhuman/alien like quality to a characters face. I wanted to lean into rounder and softer shapes with Doremys design. I would definitely say that this is a mix between her LoLK design and her AoCF design, as I really like the shapes present in her AoCF design so thats the one I took the most inspiration from (also the comically large hat), but I also like some of the details in her LoLK design. I noticed that a reoccurring motif in dreamcore aesthetics are eyes, eyes everywhere, heck even in the beginning stages of the design I knew I wanted to make the little pom poms on her dress eyes. It adds a little bit of irony to the design where the character associated with dreams and sleeping has a bunch of open eyes on her dress (lol). Also, I wanted her tail to sort of extend out and wrap around the bottom half of her hat cuz I thought that was cute. I wanted to detach the hands and feet to once again bring in an etherial feeling into the design. I also found a really nice colour pallete that I wanted to use, but the red of her hat was an addition by me to bring back an element from her original design. I also did two versions of the drawing where one of them has shading and the other doesn't.

Fun fact, when I introduced a friend to Touhou, they wanted to play the hardest game first (which was LoLK) and now they are terrified of Doremy :D

Also this is in complete contrast to the last drawing I did of Doremy Sweet lmaoooo

[homestuckreplay]

Fluthlu Vs Wizards!

(aka: What's Up With Rose And Her Mom?)

The Elephant Shrew is the fastest land mammal on Earth smaller than half a kilogram, and has been recorded to reach speeds up to 28.8 kilometers per hour. This has no relevance to Homestuck, but it's a fun fact I learned today!

This whole section of Rose updates has primarily been about her feelings towards her mother. In Rose's mind, she knows exactly who her mom is and what her motivations are for acting like she does. As readers who are only getting one side of the story at a specific moment in time, I don't think we can draw firm conclusions yet.

Brief analysis below the cut; about 1.4k words.

The first thing we learn about Rose's mom is on page 174, and comes from a conversation with John.

TT: I battled through her cloud of gin and derision once already this evening.

This suggests that Rose's mom drinks a lot, and mocks or scorns her when they interact. In this conversation we learn more generally that Rose doesn't leave her room for fear of an encounter with her mom - on pages 231-232 she sneaks past the hallway to her mom's room, seeming scared.

We then get the following information later in act 1:

Your panoramic window offers a view of your yard below, and the mausoleum housing your dead cat, JASPERS, who died when you were young. Your MOM had the structure erected with a spirit of scornful IRONY in response to your youthfully innocent request to hold a funeral for the animal. At least, that is how you have come to interpret the gesture in retrospect. (p.225)

Hanging just next to your door in the hallway is a painting of an EXQUISITE WIZARD. Your mother collects these awful things IRONICALLY. She must know how much you detest them, and there is no doubt in your mind she stores these dreadful things in the house to bother you. (p.229)

And in act 2, pages 358-380 have primarily focused on Rose's relationship with her mom, including the true extent of her mom's ridiculous number and size of wizard statues (I say this as a wizard lover), and their currently ongoing fridge door battle. Rose takes this battle very seriously, and spends time thinking of the perfect rebuttal.

She also calls her mother a shrew - a term generally considered offensive and sexist, meaning a woman who is unpleasant, argumentative, and nagging. It is not surprising that a child would view their mother this way. However, we haven't actually seen them interact, and all we have is Rose's perspective.

So here's my problem. If we take Rose 100% at her word, then her mom totally sucks - she's a cruel alcoholic who makes Rose feel unsafe in her own house and mocks the earnest, genuine actions and desires of a child. This in turn has made Rose into someone who second guesses all her actions, is concerned about being watched, squashes down the childish parts of herself, and tries to match and exceed her mom's passive aggressive gestures.

I don't want to dismiss this interpretation, or downplay Rose's problems - even if she's wrong about some things, I think that Rose is clearly hurting because of this relationship, and that her mom isn't taking meaningful steps to help. But Rose can be traumatized and still wrong about a lot of things. And I don't think Rose is all that emotionally intelligent or good at reading people - she's dismissed John's problems as less serious than her own (p.174), and her 'condolences' towards other Sburb players do not read as sincere (p.249).

With that in mind, here are some alternative interpretations.

Rose's mom is clearly very well off. She has a large house, far too large if it's just the two of them living there, and one that's designed and decorated around being aesthetically interesting, not around being good to live in. It's even dangerous - the walkway to the observatory has no safety railing, with a several story drop onto rocks and the waterfall.

Rose's mom spares no expense on ultimately empty gestures for her daughter. The few hundred dollars a lifesize princess doll costs are nothing to her. She spent $15,000 on a frame for a child's drawing that any other parent would have stuck to the fridge with a magnet. The lowest estimate I could find for building a private standalone mausoleum is $50,000, and they can be a lot more than that. Rose's mom has the money to make the house safer and more comfortable for her daughter, but she doesn't.

I think Rose's mom has the classic rich parent trait of throwing money at her child as a substitute for love. We see a microcosm of this on the fridge - in addition to the frame, she buys a pack of magnetic Ws to help with Rose's poetry, and she buys a velvet pillow for the thank you note to rest on. She gets the vacuum cleaner Rose bought her plated in bronze to say thank you, instead of just using it and showing appreciation that way (I could not find a solid price estimate for bronze plating a vacuum cleaner). This might be well meaning, but it comes across as cold and impersonal, and as something that takes no effort or sacrifice from her part if she has millions of dollars to play around with.

In contrast, Rose's gestures - a tailored insult to her mother, a handwritten and notarized thank you note, an embroidered poem, and a drop of her own blood - are personalized, handmade, and painful or time consuming. Although we see that growing up in an environment where money is equated with love has left its mark on Rose, as she leaves twelve cents to cover the cost of the letter W. This is an insignificant amount of money to most adults but especially Rose's mom, but she still has to do it, because the relationship is transactional in that way.

On page 377, we get 'She's up to her IRONIC HOUSEWIFE routine again. That mop bucket doesn't even have any water in it!' which to me is really solid evidence that Rose is missing part of the picture. Because an ironic housewife routine is a fucking wild thing to do. If Rose's mom's wealth is generational, she might have grown up with a hired cleaner. She might simply have never been taught how to clean a house. Like, even if it had water, that bucket isn't correctly shaped for that mop. And cleaning in high heels? Possibly thinking the vacuum cleaner would still work when bronze plated, given that she still tries to use it? Honestly, I think she could be just as lost in that big, lonely house as Rose is.

The real elephant in the room is Rose's mom's possible alcoholism. Both times we've physically seen her (p.231, p.376) she's been holding a martini glass, and there are several liquor bottles on the kitchen counter. It is, however, evening. Rose's mom definitely likes to drink, but we don't know if it's to problematic levels that would impact her parenting ability. It's also possible that Rose would prefer to see her mom as an alcoholic because it's an easy and concrete thing to blame their problems on. It means she doesn't have to see her mother three dimensionally - and we know she doesn't want to, given her refusal to psychoanalyze her mom despite her interest in the topic generally (p.360).

By putting the blame on an outside substance that her mom might have been addicted to since before she was born, Rose doesn't have to question if she's done anything wrong as a child. To be clear, when a child is 13 I do think the parent shoulders the blame for an unhealthy parent-child relationship, but it is common for children to blame themselves in that situation and wonder if they could have saved that relationship by being 'better' in some way, and Rose might want to avoid those feelings.

Finally, alcohol is probably something Rose doesn't have access to. Rose, who wants so badly to be taken seriously as an adult and tries to convey intelligence and maturity, lives in a house where this one specific sign of adulthood is very visibly present, but she's probably not allowed to touch it herself. I think Rose wants to see herself and her mom as equals - in their war of passive aggression, Rose doesn't defer to her mom the way John does with his dad (p.92). But Rose's mom wants to keep her young, buying her a princess doll and keeping her childhood drawing welded to the fridge. It makes sense that Rose is angry about the signifiers of adulthood she can't access, like being allowed to decorate the house or drink alcohol.

So, that was a lot of words to say 'I have no idea what's going on between Rose and her mom, or how accurate Rose's beliefs are'. I definitely don't think Rose's mom is a good parent. Clearly, her behavior has meant that Rose doesn't feel she can be honest with her mom or address problems head on, and clearly Rose's mom is not taking action to fix this.

This appears to be the biggest source of problems in Rose's life, so I hope we get some conclusive information soon. Even if their relationship doesn't get fixed, I think and hope that this will go on to be a source of character development for Rose, because - and this is crucial - I need Rose to accept that wizards are cool.

[maliciousalice]

@thresholdbb omg tumblr ate your ask but thankyou for asking!!!!

👕Character whose fashion you like.

Phoar! Startrek really isn't a show I associate with being fashionable. It's very camp isn't it? In theory a lot of the wardrobe is really cool and they wanted to gain that retro-future aesthetic. Did it work? I'm not sure. However it does make a statement. The Startrek aesthetic is really recognizable and that's important! I think that's where modern trek kind of looses the plot. It's not as careful about the unique visual design as a whole anymore and as a result it doesn't settle in our minds. Is it bad artistry? No but it's not as stringent. What I mean by that is older trek cared about nuance. For example every haircut was done the same way on men, or suits were tailored in a way to look sleek but practical (they weren't). Gaudy patterns were important to denote things like status. It looks ugly on the outside but when you're watching the show it envelops you and makes you feel welcomed into the universe.

I digress.

To answer this, the most fashionable character, hands down, is Quark! That mfer always looks good, and has the finest drip in the galaxy. Love that.

🥲 ST moment that makes you cry.

There are two moments that make me particularly sad. Kate's acting in the climax of Resistance is incredible. I read somewhere she had a special-wink-wink- relationship with the Director in the early seasons and she was being tested by this episode in some regard. I think it paid off. I treasure any time her captain-hood is removed, and the extreme vulnerability of Janeway is on display-MWAH MWAH poignant. This episode is beautifully intimate, particularly this scene. It's overall gorgeous and unique in how she whispers to him, as if there is nothing more important than to secure his peace of mind as he dies, and it's heart rending when it ends with her just crouching there, emotionally alone. I love how Janeway is forced into the father-daughter dynamic between her and Caylem, one that she would ordinarily resist (heh themes) because I think it inherently weakens her status. The back and forth throughout the episode of them taking care of each other's welfare is so it's terribly sad when it's torn down and we discover the truth behind Caylem's family. If you've dug around her character you know that her Admiral-Father has had impact on her life. She's haunted by him in both a figurative way by being a Captain, and literal sense later on in Coda. Much like Caylem, she looses her father in a violent manner that she has to carry around while she forges ahead. It also reflects well on Kate's relationship with her actual father, she recently revealed that she was never able to get him on her page, but in spite that she adore him with all her might. So a scene like this is really revealing-I believe she was able to draw upon those feelings and that's kinda neat to be so raw as an actor. SIGH.

This one just straight up made me cry fr because Prodigy s1 is a really mature, well done piece of (Startrek) media. Holo Janeway has an irony about it where in the end she is program designed to be a teacher, and she didn't expect to develop a strong bond with the crew. Her final moments are of displaying a huge amount of selflessness and courage to help the kids get out of trouble, similarly to how Janeway would approach dire circumstances. The music swelling and the ship activating is just OOOOF!!! I love how it parallels Dal's initiation of the first Protojump in a Moral Star. By that means It suggests how proud she is to get to do this for them. As a character she is really interesting to think about, in a way I can't entirely articulate. A lot of her moments are quite sad in general, she has to keep an active role so she isn't ignored, and help where help is needed, but at the same time she has constraints, one being that she manipulated by the antagonists. And In contrast to that, the kids do their best to help her feel like she is important and more than a command program to be used insincerely. She grew to love the Protostar crew, that's evident in her body language in this scene. She has a lot of depth overall. Equal to the real Janeway she deeply feels love, guilt and pain, but importantly she is transformed by the her time on the Protostar and while active, learns and grows with Dal, Rok-tak, Zero, Jankom and Gwyn. It's REALLY sweet that they care all care about each other.

I love her and I love JANEWAY!!!!

🥹 Favourite behind the scenes picture.

Ooooh I love all behind the scenes stuff. My brother in Christ It's super difficult to just name one thing and I'm very greedy!! I wish we had more BTS content for Voyager but sadly, it's a matter of grab what you can, however you can. Anyway, I have an inherent interest in seeing the cogs behind the wheel. I chose these samples because I think they're charming.

The continuity polaroid's are so fun and a lost technique, I like to think about assistants having to pull the actors aside and asking them to take those. How daunting! Kate's grin in the one where she is offset is SO cute. So she must have been in a good mood, super Cheeky!

Following that is a screenshot from a video of her having her makeup done. A rare catch. I like this because she often sooks about how much time hair and makeup was spent on her to become Captain Janeway. I get it's a huge time-sink, but love or hate it, the full irony is that her early season appearance is really iconic and in it's own right adds to Captain Janeway's sensibility. Silly goose Kate! Besides that, she looks hot checking herself out, haha.

Moreover, I love on-set editorial photos of actors in costume. While we did have heaps of them in the Starfleet uniform, I wish we had a larger collection with clearer releases, it would have given an opportunity to see in things of interest better detail. Particularly the lower half of unique costumes. For whatever reason special outfits weren't often established or framed for us to see the legs in the show, so a nice big photograph would have solved that. Also I love that these style of pictures capture an impression of an episode without giving it away.

Similarly, fly on the wall on-set photos are cool. They're way more intimate and candid than anything else and it makes me feel as though I am spying on the actors, but they're also a good way to document how things might have been on set.

The Timeless one is interesting too because it's of a deleted scene, we never see Chakotay look at a dead Janeway (how deliciously macabre!), but at some point in time it was in the script and they filmed it.

Hmm this bts picture of Janeway in the Cardigan is adorable! I believe it was worn by Kate for a Charity but look how cute she looks? Makes me wish we saw her mess around with things like that more because 7 Years is a long ass time to be in uniform everyday ( coming from someone who went to school in a Uniform and enjoyed it for the most part). Casual Fridays anyone?

I love this gif. It's from the first shoots of Caretaker and Kate looks so radiant! Her smile is is breathtaking! Whenever I see this gif I get a sense of delight. Poor thing had no idea what she was getting herself into, haha. Really though, check out the original Caretaker photos, they're super-cool. The history behind it is fascinating; I'd love to see more footage from that version of the pilot episode. Unfortunately, it's probably not preserved well, much like lots of Paramount's historical material.

On a similar trend, it's fun to see this set of pictures too. It's for the First Contact film / maybe the Universal studios ride, when she reprised her role as Vice AdmiralJaneway. Kate was genuinely delighted to do this cameo and it shows. As per her operandum she put her whole self into this small segment and that's so darling. It makes me wish we had more of this Janeway at that point in time. I love post Endgame chubby-Janeway. In a fictional sense it denotes that she is comfortable or stressed to be an Admiral (sadly it's the latter in real life) or whatever and I love that for her.

These kind of pictures are fun because it's been said that at times it was the most playful set to be on. There are tales that the cast were not that serious all the time. You get that impression here, and it's probably why the majority of them are still good friends to this day. They're like a family bros!!! Having worked in media I know that wrapping up after working on something for a long time is really rewarding and I bet they had a good time at parties.

Apropos previous, the opposite can be said. While they had fun, the hours were long and the scripts intensive. Kate was around for all of the episodes of Voyager in one way or another, and still managed to bring her A-game each time. She is truly admirable! Seeing her so exhausted is charming. She had a lot of weight to carry for the franchise and did an exemplary job performing her way through 7 years of weird and wonderful material. I wonder how often they fell asleep on set? I know I would. Get some rest queen!

Finally, I've been following Prodigy bts as best I can, and because of my career in animation I get pretty interested in Production art. I love seeing the fast metamorphosis of a visual style. It's really impressive how much attention they applied to the designs, maintaining the older stuff, while adapting a new frontier. One of the lead artists made some pretty neat observations to get Kate's appearance right. It's so cool that they documented that journey, because from my dabbling I know she has a very beautiful, distinct face that isn't easy to capture.

ANYWAY Thankyou for reading my fat thesis fellas. tl;dr i love this stinky Startrek Voyager and by extension the franchise.

[imminent-danger-came]

Eldritch Abomination MK Theory

OKAY. @the-punning-ubus

I just want to say reading these tags are SO validating, because I have my little "MK was an eldritch abomination thing pre-hatching from stone" theory and seeing someone else come to pretty much the same conclusion feels good.

I've been meaning to write a proper theory post on this for a while, so now is as good of a time as any!

Obviously we have Wukong's "Not just anyone can wield my staff, but you did" from A Hero is Born and "The staff's just a big 'ol stick bud! It takes someone special to wield it" from 3x03, but there's also something in 1x09 Macaque:

Macaque: "Your staff kinda gives you away dude, not just anyone can wield that thing."

-

Macaque: "Ohohoh no, can't you hold the magic staff anymore? Well, you know what that means—there really isn't anything special about you. You're just a kid with a heavy stick."

-

-

The sweet irony of "There really isn't anything special about you. You're just a kid with a heavy stick!" followed immediately by MK lifting the staff again is not lost on me.

So, from s1 it was pretty obvious that Wukong didn't "give" MK any form of power, but we knew that already with MK being a monkey demon and all. I just think it's particularly intriguing that all of this was laid out in the same episode where MK proclaims "I am the weapon!". In all honestly, he probably was/is.

One of the main questions coming out of s4 is "why was MK created?"—Monkey King's stone was used to form another, but for what purpose? To what end? What reason was MK at the center of all these stories?

Well, here's my current theory:

MK was something in a past life, and that something needed to be contained—and so, to put a stop to past life eldritch abomination MK, he was then sealed away in the stone.

I think this scene in particular raises some alarm bells:

The stone cracks open, bursts with light, and then it closes—like something was put inside it. The scene could of course just be an aesthetic choice, or chosen to be this way for another reason we don't know yet, but it just feels so deliberate. A ball of light appearing from the stone, then another ball of light in the mystery woman's hands being revealed to hold a monkey, and then the stone reforming around the ball of light. I just can't help but feel there's something there.

Next I want to discuss the two key things that make me feel this theory has merit:

1.) MK has made a habit of breaking out of things he shouldn't be able to (the calabash in 1x05, the trigram furnace in 2x00, the scroll in 4x07, Destiny itself in 3x14) and the stone would be no exception.

2.) Every antagonist in this show has been sealed away in some form, then being released to resume their plans from before being sealed. Here's a list:

DBK was sealed under the mountain, and after being released continued his plan of world domination.

Spider Queen was metaphorically trapped in her fallen empire, and after being given the chance to rule the above world once again, immediately takes it.

The Lady Bone Demon was imprisoned in her tomb, and after being released prematurely (before learning the error of her ways), she continued her plan to destroy the world and create a new one.

Azure Lion was imprisoned in the scroll, and upon being released (by an unknown 3rd party), immediately worked to free his friends and then end the Jade Emperor's reign.

Now, I love foils, so MK breaking out of the stone he was sealed in, yet coming out an actually changed being unlike everyone else in this show, would be DELICIOUS:

Lady Bone Demon: ”No backup and no weapon? So, you’re plan is to fist fight a child?” Sun Wukong: “We both know that’s not what you are.”

(3x11 This Imperfect World)

-

Lady Bone Demon: "STOP! Have you forgotten? Destroy me and you destroy the host! Have you become so desperate to end me that you would sacrifice this blameless innocent child?" Sun Wukong: "You're giving me no choice! All the time you spent locked away, and you haven't changed a bit! I'm going to finish you, like I should have done a long time ago! I told you—you should have stayed buried."

(3x11 This Imperfect World)

-

Subodhi: "I have not brought you to your master. Although this is the stone from which Sun Wukong once sprung, it appears overtime, it was used to form another. A simple creature, with no past, no family, and no name. There is a reason you were at the center of these stories—a reason you can harness the power of the Monkey King himself!"

(4x06 Show Me the Monster)

-

(If you want extra fodder for this, please see this parallels post :3)

So, if MK were to hatch out of the stone—where *he* was sealed away—and he actually came out of it a "blameless innocent child" with "no past, no family, and no name", it would work exceedingly well. Wukong's not above giving people second chances, but if you use that second chance to try and destroy the world, you force his hand.

(Side note: it could also be the case that the stone was used to "reset" whatever MK was in his past life, and Wukong was originally meant to destroy whatever came out of the stone—which could be the reason he stayed at Flower Fruit Mountain for hundreds of years. However, when an child came out, a new being without a past or the memories of what it was before—Wukong choose to let it go. He choose to let it live a normal life—or even ensuring it could live a normal life—and it then found it's way to Pigsy. This definitely gets into real crack theory territory, but I did want to bring it up.)

Now, none of this is even mentioning the suspiciously MK shaped figure in the mural from 3x13:

Now, the figure in this mural is only shown when MK is also on screen, which is framing that drives me insane. Perhaps this is when they first caught MK's past life, then finally able to subdue him and seal him in the stone.

And so, if MK really was this terrible chaos driven abomination in his past life, what does that mean ✨thematically✨?

Well,

Sun Wukong: “Point is, mistakes happen, but so long as you leave the world in better shape than you found it, then it’s all good. Right?”

(4x01 Familiar Tales)

-

SWK: “ENOUGH! I’ve never let anyone dictate my destiny in the past, and I’m not about to start now. None of us are! We can’t change who we were yesterday or in a past life, or a hundred life times ago! We live with the choices we’ve made, for what matter is the choices we make RIGHT NOW! Only we decide who we are and what we do with the power we have.”

(4x07 Pitiful Creatures)

-

MK can't change who he was in a past life. He can't change that the roads all lead to pain. But you know what he can do? He can try. He can try and get a little bit better every day. He can try and help people. He can try and make the world better than he found it.

Maybe in a past life, MK caused just as must chaos and destruction as Wukong did in his past. Maybe he caused even more problems then he has as the Monkie Kid. But that also doesn't undo the good he's doing now.

Anyways, that's my "MK was an eldritch abomination thing pre-hatching from stone" theory. Hope you enjoyed

[tainted-liquor]

'Are We Still Friends⋆⭒˚｡⋆

E42!Miles Morales x BlackFem!Reader: Ingredients: Salt, tears, and a lil bit of sugar (angst n fluff) TWs: N-word usage, swearing, you need a hug frfr W/C:780 A/N: Inspired by Tyler, the Creator's song

It had been almost a year since you had spoken to Miles. You seemed as thick as thieves and even had a little blossoming romance between you two. But the day his father died is the day the Miles you came to love died as well. He stopped talking to everyone, he stopped laughing, he stopped smiling, shit he even stopped showing up to school at some point. For 3 months you tried to get a hold of him, ask him what was wrong, anything! You just wanted some clarification as to where your friend went.

But unfortunately for you, life ain't fucking fair. So he faded into the background of your life, slowly and painfully. A year seemed to pass by overnight, and like that you had...'moved on'. You found new friends, took up new hobbies, went through a mental help revamp, and changed your aesthetic up a bit. A part of you had even managed to convince yourself his thumbprint on your life was a fever dream from long long ago. But nothing could have EVER prepared you to be forced into close proximity again when it came to your AP environmental science class when your teacher partnered you up with...oh no.

Miles.

He threw you a brief glance, with not even a fraction of the warmth and joy he used to look at you with. You felt your heart crackle a bit as you took a long, deep sigh. You'd come this far and you weren't about to pry the scab off just because he gave you a look. You mentally prepared yourself when you saw him get up from his chair and head towards your desk, opening your computer and distracting yourself with Google slide presets and how to make the layout look pretty. He sat himself down in front of you, not saying a word as he opened up his computer and immediately got to work in pure, awkward, silence.

You popped your AirPods in your ears, turning up the volume a little bit to hear "Are We Still Friends?" By Tyler, the Creator hitting your eardrum. You chuckle quietly at the irony, rolling your eyes as you barely mumble the lyrics above a whisper. You watched through your peripheral as Miles's eyes darted over to you for a moment, seemingly reading your body language as you pulled one of the coils in your two afro puffs. He sighed as quietly as humanly possible, leaning back in his chair and looking up at the ceiling with that same nonchalant and slightly irritated expression. You watched as he closed out of the Google Slide, got up, and left.

He waltzed out of the classroom door silently, not even bothering to spare you a second glance as he closed the door behind him. You rolled your eyes as you finished up your portion of the slides before heading out of the classroom in the direction of the library. You didn't know Miles was there really, so when you walked in and saw him there you were immediately taken aback. He looked in your direction before nodding upwards, and beckoning for you to come here with his hand. You narrowed your eyes, sighing and making your way over to the table he was sitting at.

You sat across from him, face stoic and irritated as he stared right back at you. "So what, now we talking again?" You spat as you tilted your head to the side. "Alright, don't start with all that bul-" He began before you forcibly cut him off. "Fuck you mean 'don't start' with my bullshit, nigga? You ghosted me for a YEAR. Like, are we still friends?" You barked, face contorted in a look of rage and hatred. Miles sighed for what felt like forever, before looking back at you. "Look, I know. N I'm sorry. I never meant to shut you out like that...One day turned into a month and I started getting scared that you wouldn't wanna talk to me no more...so I just ran from it before it could catch up to me."

You gave him a sharp glare as you thought about what you wanted to respond with carefully. You took a deep breath before finally replying. "I really don't wanna end shit with you on a bad note, so I'm fine with talking to you again. Plus you still got some of my shit over at your house I need back" I huff as I dap him up. "Ard bet. Just swing by later, you know where I'm at." He shrugs with a tiny smirk.

"Bet, I'll see you later then. Don't ghost me this time!"

"Shut up."

[citadelofmythoughts]

RWBY is literally a show where it keeps telling everyone to pay closer attention to the details beyond the initial aesthetic, but everyone keeps on ignoring it and getting mad when they inevitably run into a brick wall that RWBY is explicitly telling them is in their way.

Like, I'm expected to believe that they're deep "critical" thinkers who just see RWBY as bad, when they struggle to understand anything beyond the most surface level thoughts?

On a side note, it's also part of the reason I'm just thoroughly annoyed with their fixation on Monty. Because the irony is that for all of their outward adulation, their understanding of the man is so...shallow.

Constantly whining about the series being "woke", when one of his major hallmark videos that introduced us to him involved two women finding love in each other after spending years of their lives fighting to survive and protect others (Haloid)?

Basically treating Miles and Kerry like coattail riding hanger ons who stole RWBY from him for their own greed and agenda, despite the likelihood that if he were still alive, HE'D be getting lumped in with them and treated like the (derogatory) George Lucas of Web Animation because his own ideas probably weren't that dramatically different from theirs? And let's not forget their absolute disdain and disregard for his brother's opinion on the matter...

It's all so performative and resoundingly missing the point of his legacy that I'm frankly surprised they haven't popped their heads off from the sheer amount of logical twisting they have to do.

I've said this before but it bears repeating. There are no wasted moments in RWBY. I'm still shocked how many people miss things like the V4 time difference between Blake in Menagerie and the rest of the girls in Haven or even the Blake/Yang vs Adam fight taking place several minutes in the past compared to the fight against Cordovin.

I respect Monty, without him there would be no RWBY but without Kerry and Miles the RWBY we know wouldn't exist. This show has always been a collaborative effort from writers to artists to animators to musicians.

The HTDM can be summed up in one image:

[twochildreninamoteldemo]

what’s on your personal list of “must reads” for wincest? i have a feeling you’ve got good taste

- @spn2006

i wouldn't necessarily say i have a must-read list as in everyone has to read something, because everybody has different taste, especially when it comes to sam and dean's dynamics (both sexual and otherwise), but the fics that i would heartily recommend that fall into my reading of supernatural (or adjacent to it) go as such, keeping in mind that I am a samgirl, pretty much only care about early seasons, and enjoyer of the family horror of the show:

The Ballad of the Invisible Boy + Two Headed Boy by @dollyluxed

If i had to pick any fic as a must-read for a samgirl cestie, this would be the one. the yearning and desperation speak deeply to the isolation of samdean's youth, especially how sam feels it, and dollylux isn't afraid to get inside the beast of teen angst, which makes it feel really lush and visceral. the 90s nostalgia is excellent (disclaimer: i was born after the 90s, but it made me feel like i was there without being corny), and the way the story is told through several vignettes feels a lot like the show itself. these kind of snapshot short films of how samdean's codependency develops through this unspoken tension over the years. the stanford era portion has a scene i think about every time i listen to joni mitchell (check out the soundtrack for this duology too; it's excellent), and the season 1 section ties together the story in a way that fits well with the show. a slow burn, really beautiful story, and i love the illustrations. i would also recommend dollylux's shorter works for amazing smut:)

@applecrumbledore 's fanficography

The first of Roni's fics I read were "Dream fuckery" and "Drywall dust" (the latter the first of a 4-part preseries story), and the balance of angst, sexual tension, and humor blew me away. It keeps the tone of supernatural, which a lot of fics don't (which is fine), but this was super cool in that it felt extremely natural, and very fun to read. I haven't been updated in all my fanfic reading lately, but I loved the beginning of Pine Sweat, their time travel fic, and "try asking," their pov outsider fic, is fucking hilarious and exhilarating. they have lots of creative ideas from preseries to late seasons and it never gets old!

Gospel Truth by @cowboyified

A case fic with an accute sense of shame embedded within angst, a really great sense of description, and perfectly inspired by art by @thegoodthebadandtheart for the reverse bang a couple years ago. the aesthetic of both frauke's work and the fic itself feel real, both the openness of the great plains and the claustrophobia of incestuous pining. definitely a modern classic.

"Buy You a Mockingbird" by candle_beck

the dark pov outsider fic to crown all others. candle_beck is an amazing writer and i also recommend all their work, but this one in particular stands out because of the horror of the dramatic irony of the story--what the reader knows, but the pov character does not. it's incredible to see everything unfold, and a realistic if bleak interpretation of another classic trope (which i won't name for spoiler's sake).

"Other Brothers" by @homo-pink

another incredible pov outsider fic with this beautiful sense of empathy and also a hint of adrenaline thrill. sam's cheeky and sassy and smart, and dean's cute and so in love. pov outsider weecest has the potential to be disturbing or sweet, and while this teeters the line, i think it falls into the latter category in a way that doesn't feel too saccharine.

"Three Days on the Rack" by keerawa, read by Reena Jenkins

I'd highly recommend listening to this via podfic! reena is great and there's a lovely cello cover of fade to black by metallica that plays in the interlude. anyway, the fic is an orpheus and eurydice-adjacent story about sam trying to get dean out of hell--but it's a torture fic. i love the way it describes hell, i love the way we see dean in the depths of alistair's apprenticeship, i love sam's strength. another gorgeously dark gem.

"Skin Like Fear" [orphaned]

I can't speak much on this one because I don't remember it super well, but it's a take on samdean after sam's hell trauma, something not very touched on by the fandom, and the horror is super well done, it's a great fic. obviously dark, deals with rape aftermath, proceed accordingly.

"show me again, shame takes hold" by objectlesson

if you can't tell yet, i really love preseries fics. this one is a lesbian femchesters AU, butch dean i love u foreverrrrrr. as you can tell by the title, more angst, more shame, etc etc. i was catholic what can i say. there's a lot about the ambiguity of sexuality and gender in this fic too.

and that's it! some of my other favorites are "Tomcat," the Caged Desires series, "The Truth in His Bones," and Brothers, but those i wouldn't necessarily rec on a wide basis because the first one is specifically about transmasculinity, and the second 3 deal with dom!dean/sub!sam dynamics in a pretty sharp way that everyone may not sit with right. that being said they're wonderful and sexy (and the last two, rather sad). let me know what u thought of this list!