#typed this from memory because theres something wrong with me?

[ispyspookymansion]

besides i thought you were in love with john q Yeah but hes not real hes just my music boyfriend. im gonna take you to see psyops tomorrow night and youre gonna see your Music Boyfriend. well is that a date? yeah thats a date.

[fictionfixations]

the dawn knight in place of yuu

MAJOR JP BOOK 7 SPOILERS

(anyway i like calling him the knight of dawn but also thats too many words for a name im going to be repeating a lot throughout this post so dawn knight)

okay so. i was thinking about a fic to write where a character had a part of themselves appear somewhere else? like ive been getting into omniscient reader but i have a diff story im trying to commit to rn so i cant really write something with it when i dont really know shit that happens besides like end game spoilers lOl

but i find the idea of like the 49/51 (?) interesting? i think thats the right numbers. no context to people who dont know what that means but that part broke me even though all i know about omniscient reader is by reading a shit ton of orv fanfiction. my heart man... sob.

but so anyways my mind wandered to the dawn knight

kudos to that like one fic where the dawn knight's soul appeared and attached itself to yuu except i read it when i didnt even know who he was but i thought maybe he was a buddy of lilia so im just reading and getting confused on like no why you no like lilia what (also he doesnt remember iirc and i think that was just like a instinctual feeling cause yknow humans vs fae??) but uh i know context now lMFAO

but like

just imagine this person who looks like silver but blonde. who doesnt remember who he is (as hes kind of more of just a fragment of his soul? but like he appears in NRC and not RSA because he still has a lingering attachment towards silver. wanting to see him grow because he never got the chance to)

who worries over silver

is a little nervous around fae, but maybe this is ooc but like without all the pressure from what the fuck was his name henrik(??) and like the people around him who are all anti-fae, cause he wouldve liked it if they couldve been in peace and stuff yknow? and also without those memories so its not too difficult for him to get past that and see them as people who will probably not harm others (LOOK i just want twst characters to be happy man cause everything is so sad :((( )

anyway lilia has grown since then and doesnt hate humans. maybe he doesnt exactly know how to feel about the dawn knight (UM like cause meleanor. or is it maleanor? i think thats EN spelling but tbh if not for en i wouldnt know how tf to spell it. but uh ykNOW.. he kinda. uh. still killed.)

but then maybe it becomes clear that this dawn knight (who needs an actual name. dawn sounds too on the nose and i dont think lilia associates dawn with positive feelings considering when maleanor died didnt it turn dawn or something. and then they broke down because shes DEAD.???)

is not the same dawn knight he met so long ago.

like

idk

think about it in like a. okay im pulling out honkai star rail examples now. but think of it maybe like dan feng and dan heng where they're like reincarnations of each other? but not the same person? (some people think of them as still the same considering i think(? its been a hot minute since i went through story) those memories of those reincarnations are then shared to other incarnations to help them in high elder duty thingy whatever its called but i think of them as entirely different people who happen to look similar)

i guess you could view it as a 'i once was [this], but now im this and im not the same person who did all those things'

EDIT: I AM WRONG. 2.5 spoilers but its mentioned that someone made dan heng remember his past life so its NOT canon that they remember their past life. "...led her to perform certain healing arts on Dan Heng, who had just finished his hatching rebirth, so that he would regain the memories of his past life?" but anyway thats how it turned out so uh just pretend that i mean reincarnating/past life type deal but stlil having some of those memories of the former life

idk maybe theres some lilia treating him as another son since like. all three of them are orphans who were taken in???? like its implied parallel of lilia being taken in by the mal... dRACONIA family sorry i forgot the last name om. and the dawn knight being taken in by the whoever is in charge. like the dad of henrik(?) and that person whose name i cant remember i think it was leah who the dawn knight liked and married? but so anyway they both got taken in by a family and owe them a debt and fight for them (and care for them. although idk about henrik ew, but he was also like. wanting princess glow(???) which could supposedly grant wishes i think to like cure their ill father, and saying that the dawn knight should do it for leah or something? i cant remember but he convinced him with something something leah)

i dont know where im going with this thought but like. i remember the dawn knight said something like. if things could be different? but like it cant be because they've gone too far now to forgive each other? but like he wanted there to be peace.

i remember thinking about lilia's wish in the wish upon a star event, maybe it was similar i cant recall exactly

Lilia: My wish is... ...for humans, fae, and all other species to live in harmony. [Img of the wishing star] Trey: Haha, wow. That's a pretty ambitious wish. Lilia: To join joyous hands with one another is no simple feat, even for those among the same species... To say nothing of the difficulties across species divides. You've learned about our history, have you not? All the countless tales of our failure to compromise, and the resulting conflicts? I have no desire to see such history repeated. So I make the same wish every Starsending.

like the dawn knight expressed regret that it had to be this way and wanted things to change but it was far too late. but like. he never did that stuff now (well lilia will remember so poor grandpa but. he's also been really forgiving towards humans when doing it for someone? like he endures it? like when he was searching for a way to hatch malleus and these people were really against lilia for being fae when he just existed, and he didnt fight back because it would paint a bad picture for the draconias? there was another example related to silevr but i cant remember it im. not what i was thinking about but theres also when he contemplated killing baby silver but changed his mind because he'd been trying to teach malleus to like. 'walk in time with his neighbor' and so and so and i forgot what he said but that how could he do that when he should be like setting an example for malleus or something right?)

also silver learning who his parents are in a maybe less traumatic way (like NOT running away knowing malleus' mom might die and then oh shit the ceiling collapsed and IS THAT THE ENEMY oh god please dont let malleus' egg be hurt and then he shares the same face as me? and that ring-- cue silver hating himself and being dragged in by darkness and i am just sobbing my eyes out like no silver he loved you so much :((( )

and even if lilia still holds anything against the dawn knight. still has lingering feelings even towards this not-dawn knight. that he wouldnt want to condemn the dawn knight, and then have silver condemn himself for being of that blood even though he didnt even do anything yknow?

and then when lilia dies he can meet up with the ghosts of maleanor and raverne (is that spelled right? i genuinely cant remember the EN spelling but it was something like that. uhh.??) and i know thats sad but i want lilia to be able to spend more time with maleanor and raverne too yknow? but im not sure how to do that

maybe. like the. the the . council? i cant remember its name fshuidfh but those assholes who appeared when we made it to. blackscale(?) castle... ? i. forgor. maleficia(THATS GRANDMA RIGHT?? i get so confused by who is who in draconia) castle??

but like when we get there with malleus' egg and then maleanor dies

and theres just these voices of long dead old geezers who are bitches to lilia and i hate them and i dont know how they're still there and can talk but i dont want maleanor there because they're horrible. also they literally said her sacrifice was like noble or some shit like that and im just like BITCH- (also lilia is banned from the capital or something isnt he?? like i mean he can still visit the castle. but secretly. but still :( )

so i just think.

fully getting over stuff. heart demons. talking things out. lilia gets to talk about stuff for the first time in awhile (remember when like literally no one talked about the circumstances regarding malleus' birth or something so silver and sebek just had no idea what they were getting into??? and like i guess he could talk to baul? baur? idk which one is the one on EN i forgor. but idk man.)

not-dawn knight being a really good listener. being understanding, sharing his input where appropriate. and like he also gets some of his memories which put a lot of things into proper context. and so sharing thoughts of so and so. and just. basically this talk that spirals into moving on.

sharing frustrations, sharing things that never really got to be known.? like regrets, etc etc

since i think the last time they met was when silver father reveal, and time passed and he died so its just all these lingering things that never got to be said out loud for various reasons. like maybe because company is against so and so so to say something would be like idk maybe traitorous? i dont think thats the right word but words are hard and i keep forgetting words the moment i need them

its like. the unique point of view of talking about things between former enemies. like how they viewed things, etc etc

and then when lilias lived a full life, no regrets, he meets maleanor and raverne in the afterlife.

oh yeah also about his dorm i have no fucking idea. i honestly mostly forgot what each dorm represents but either ramshackle or diasomnia, which i know is like nobility or something? but anyway dawn knight married a princess, also i associate diasomnia with fae / briar valley which is related considering hes book 7 stuff so im pushing him there anyway

or maybe the mirror cant read him because his soul is fragmented. or maybe retcon and his soul isnt like that? idk but i like to think the other part of his soul is in the afterlife with his wife yknow? and eventually silver will be there and able to meet his mom and huggies, and acknowledging that these are who his parents are, but also that lilia is also his parent and the one who raised him yknow? there can be more than two parents in my eyes.

its just that his soul is like in half because of the part of him that wants to have seen silver grown. i think i said this earlier in the post but that since the last time he saw silver was as an infant (also he had blonde hair so-)

also wasnt infant silver asleep for like hundreds of years until it was either because someone who loved him came by (lilia) or because the spell finally wore off (which is what lilia thinks. i dont know where to put my two cents at tbh of which i think is right)

so dawn knight just sitting there in the afterlife like. ..man. my childs still not here. i mean. thats a good thing that they're not dead but like. i kinda wanna see them.

or well silvers the only one so i should be saying he but gidfhuj

also it was either leah or leia i am a dumbass? maybe leah was the EN one. idk i forgot.

anyway thats enough yapping for me

[skiiyoomin]

I was wondering if you could write a saiki & reader oneshot fic with a reader who has DID & C-PTSD and paranoid tendencies? I understand that that might be a bit too hard to write but just in case I got some recorces that might be handy, here is the link to DID listing from my own copy of the newest version of the DSM https://www.dropbox.com/sh/htaraej65e34tg9/AADBATmelRQFUBfTMxaJ3W6wa?dl=0 as well as this website that has a lot of good info on it https://did-research.org/ and this page I found that has a brief overview of C-PTSD https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24881-cptsd-complex-ptsd but I also recommend quickly reading thru the different types of flashbacks (shouldn't be that hard to find info on)

The main idea is that because of the mix dissociation,switching,paranoia, different types of flashbacks etc that the readers thoughts are very fucking confusing to saiki (feel free to use this premise for any kind of plot you want just try not to make it overly angsty is all I ask, well as un-angsty as you can get with C-PTSD anyways lol) I just wanna see more y/n / reader inserts that I can actually relate to but the saiki K fandom is so small

Can be platonic or romantic

Hi!! So sorry for the late reply, I researched as much as I could so if theres anything remotely wrong or different please tell me! Ngl, im not very sure i like how it turned out, nevertheless I hope you enjoy :))

Also i totally get that its hard finding stuff for saiki k which is the reason why i write for it in the first place, they totally deserve more recognition!! Feel free to send more requests in the future!!

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Content: somewhat angsty but not really, i tried to be as vague as possible so as not to trigger anyone, reader suffers from trauma, DID, CPTSD, swearing, fluffy ending? slightly oc saiki

Summary: Saiki was used to listening to many types of thoughts, and at one point, nothing he heard surprised him. However when you came around, he was beyond confused. What sparks as a little curiosity might turn into something more.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

ღNo matter what

He was used to it, or at least that's what he used to tell himself. Throughout the years he had heard all sorts of thoughts, at one point, he learned to tune them out when need be, having listened in on weird enough ideas that now don't surprise him anymore.

When you came in the picture, he was...baffled, to say the least. Confusing wasn't even close of a word to express how he felt. Your thought process was anything but simple. At times it'd be a fuzzy mess almost as if you lost part of your memory, other times, you'd think as if you were a completely different person, contradicting many of your previous thoughts. But what disturbed him most was the series of traumatic thoughts that would cross your mind. Flashbacks he realized in that moment.

In the beginning he felt annoyed, as per usual. Often times, he'd find you in class with a dazed expression, which to be frank, he had seen enough times to not give it a second thought. But then his attention would be caught when your mind would wander and you'd start thinking in a very unusual way. They were so unlike the person you presented to be, so much so that Saiki was left perplexed and in need to understand exactly what was going on.

The more it happened the more worried he'd be. There were days where you acted a certain way, and other days where you acted completely different. He could tell you weren't being fake trying to act differently for attention, after all, your thoughts lined up with the you acted and the things you said. Rather, it was the abrupt changes in your behaviour that had him thinking for far longer than he normally would.

Along the way, he also picked up how you'd flinch if you were in sudden physical contact, the way your shoulders would tense and the way your heart beat would speed up. Saiki wasn't stupid of course, he was aware that all of this was caused by some form of trauma.

He knew not to pry, yet his heart strings pulled everytime he saw you having a bad moment. So he began to follow you, in disguise of course, and even if he seemed like a stalker, he couldn't help it. Eventually he began to connect the dots, your reactions, behaviors, everything. It made sense now.

Unconciously, his words began to soften around you, his touch became gentler, he looked out for you in ways he had never done so with others. You began to notice but in no way did you mind, if anything, Saiki was someone you took great comfort in. What started of small slowly grew into something neither of you expected.

Of course, that didn't make it any less hard for either of you. Like right now. You were laying in Saikis bed, your head resting on his shoulder as you watched a movie, when suddenly a specific scene had triggered an anxiety attack. Your mind was racing through flashbacks of the many disturbing events you had gone through. Saiki was up almost immediately, having read your mind and sensed your reaction.

His touch was soft, his hands cupping your face so gently you'd think he was scared to break you, which he was. He was in no way someone who could comfort others easily. Nevertheless he tried his best. He attempted to lower your heart rate, rubbing small circles against your back as his other hand held the back of your head. No words were needed, they never were. He had, in a way, been there for you, way before you two even became a thing, so none of this was a surprise for either of you.

That didn't ease the guilt in your heart any less. You always felt bad. You knew Saiki could read you, literally. And well, it wasn't pretty. Countless times you had attempted to push him away, yet he never budged.

"'m sorry" you mumbled against his shoulder as your rested your head on it.

He cupped your face in his hands, pulling you to look at him.

`I won't let you push me away. The things you went through won't make me see you any differently, because to me you'll still be someone I cherish'

Your eyes welled up as you looked him deep in the eyes, finding nothing but love for you. Still cupping your face, he ran his thumbs under your eyes, wiping the tears away. He leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

'I love you'

"No matter what?"

`No matter what'

[strxbrymochi]

chapter 31. to a second chance

masterlist | previous

synopsis: when jeno took over his family's empire, yn was the last person he expected to see given their past. now, she's in a relationship with one of his best friends, and he's left wondering about "what could have been". surely working together wouldn't revive any unspoken thoughts. right?

warnings // not much

word count: 1-2k

a/n; and with that "maybe this time" is officially over. thank you to everyone who supported my first smau (ofc special shoutout to @justalildumpling for encouraging me ily) and hopefully there will be more to come (if i fix my sched lol!) let me know if theres anything else you'd like to see, send me messages/asks and let me know what you think of mtt!! i'd love to make friends but also to hear all your thoughts :)) thanks friends and see you guys in my next fic <3

"come on jeno, have a little bit of fun!!" haechan says, pulling him into the group circle. they've been here for 2 hours now, and he has still not ingested a single drop of alcohol. he was eyeing you, he could see you from the corner of his eye sitting with your friends, talking about God knows what. mark, maybe. of how stupid he was for letting a girl like you go. that was what he thought at least.

"i know what will get you to drink." jaemin starts. "hey!! who wants to play some beer pong?"

they start setting up, dongju of course making his way to the table. "come on bro, you can't not expect me to be at a beer pong showdown." he jokes, taking a swing of his drink. some concoction someone made. you follow to watch but then memories of all the games you played with mark floods your memory. you couldn't handle this, being around this environment, these people, just reminded you of him.

you turn and make your way back to your room, locking the door and sitting behind the door, just to make sure no one comes in. head in your hands, you start crying. soft, muffled cries escape your lips. you're so tired of crying. you probably cried as much now as you did when jeno rejected you then. but it hurts, a different type of hurt though. like your heart shattering into a million pieces. mark was the guy who pieced you up again, made you feel whole. complete. but he took your heart and dropped it, and all the glue disappeared just like that. you were back to being a million pieces broken. how does one recover from something like this?

"y/n?" you hear a soft knock. "are you okay?" you hear brie and rinji's voice behind the door.

"can we come in or do you want to be alone right now?" they ask. you've had a bit to drink, no you've had quite a lot. your lip was numbing, head hurting, but that could also be because of all the crying and dehydration. and the fact your mind was running 500 miles an hour now.

you remember seeing jeno come in with his friends, but you were tipsy then. seeing him for the first time since the whole fiasco as your birthday, other than work at least, felt odd. you felt anger, embarassment from what happened but at the same time, curious? as if you wanted to know what he thought and that you were genuinely considering the possibility of it being a second chance.

"do you guys believe in right person, wrong time?" you swing open your door to see a confused brie and rinji.

"uhm...." they stutter, looking at each other then at you. it's quite loud, so you're raising voices. you hope they can hear you.

"how about red string of fate?" you go on, "like the idea that everyone has one person who they're destined to be with and no matter what happens they'll find their way to each other?" you think back to everything that has happened since then. was this meant to make you realise that mark wasn't the one? that maybe coming to seoul again was a sign for something? i mean surely everything happens for a reason?

"where is this coming from?" brie asks cautiously.

"nowhere. i just-" you start. "now that i'm single, feels weird saying that" you pause and take a breath. "i miss him." you say, finally, a tear starting to roll down your cheek again.

brie and rinji close your door and walk you to your bed, taking the spot next to either side of you.

"i hate how even when he does this, he's still sweet and still cared about me. i wish he would've just cheated so i can be angry but he didn't. it wasn't his fault, his parents did what they had to do for the company and he was just collateral, that's how the business works and i can't fault him for that. it just sucks how he moves on, gets a wife and a successful career to continue his family legacy and i'm here, broken and single and alone." you say, in between sobs.

"look honey, i know its tough but what would mark want you to do?" rinji asks, "if he was still here?"

"he would want me to be happy..." you sniffle. no matter what, mark told you he wanted you to be happy, to find someone who would love you and care for you the way he did, or ten times more than he did. "he told me to talk to jeno." you say, hesitantly.

"do you want to?" brie asks.

"i don't know but i feel like i should." you say. "maybe let him explain his side too? i kinda just left him there all those years ago."

"well uh," rinji says, eyeing brie, obviously plotting. "i think that's very mature of you y/n."

"is he still here?" you ask.

"we can look for him for you. maybe go downstairs so you guys have a quiet place to talk?" brie says.

☁️☁️☁️

"you wanted to talk?" jeno's voice hits your eardrums faster than you can react to the man standing behind you.

you turn, and you see him. hair a bit messy from the party, shirt wrinkled. he stood there, not moving.

"yea, i did." you say, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. you were nervous. and why wouldn't you be? you didn't know what the hell you were doing.

"i uh, can't guarantee anything though cause i'm quite drunk." you say, a small laugh escaping.

"me too." jeno says, approaching you and taking a seat next to you. "haechan and jaemin really got me tonight."

"the same with my friends." you say. "wait, do you think they planned this?" you look at him suspicious.

"i- i don't know but i wouldn't be surprised." he says.

a silence dawns over you both, as if one is too scared to speak over the other, so you just sit. in silence. afraid to say a word.

"what's your side?" you finally ask.

"excuse me?"

"that night. in the beach, when i told you i had feelings for you." you say. "what was your side? i kinda ran away before you said anything so i'll listen. now, i'll stop talking and just listen to your side of the story."

was this it? was this his second chance?

jeno took a deep breath. the cold air leaving a faint pink on his cheeks. this was it. he lost you once before, he didn't want to wait to lose you again.

"i liked you." he says, softly. "i like you."

"as in like as an employee? yea i got that..."

"no yn like, i like like you. i did love you too, all those years before, and you saying it, it didn't feel weird, i didn't know how to react so i just kept silent. i didn't want to stop you from reaching your dreams so i just watched, and let you go, even if it hurt me. and i thought i was over it, but then i saw your file and seeing you at work again, was a floodgate, everything just came back and it didn't help you were with mark hyung too. do you know how hard it was for me to do him that favor of buying you those gifts? how much i wished it was me who was surprising you? that it was me you would call to pick you up? or take care of you? or if you just wanted to talk to someone if you were having a bad day?"

you sit there, eyes almost budging out of your sockets from the sudden confession. now it was your time to be silent and listen to what he had to say.

"i tried, really, really hard, trust me. i tried to kill any feelings i had for you but it never left. i ignored you after you asked me if i ever loved you at your party because i knew i wouldn't be able to control myself and you were in a relationship for goodness sakes, and now you're ex is getting married like who does that? i'm so sorry i couldn't protect you from that type of heartbreak but then again, i'm to blame for every other heartbreak you had before that hey?"

"i know you just got out of a relationship and you still love him, and it might be too soon but im answering your question. i'm not going to stay silent anymore. i loved you, yn. and i still do. i think you should know, at least." he finishes. he's refusing to make eye contact. he's nervous too.

"maybe," you start. "we should try this again?"

"what?" he asks, looking at you, confused.

"this." you say, gesturing to you two. "us being friends and seeing where it goes."

"that's it? that's all you have to say?" he says.

"i think, everything happens for a reason. i think me meeting mark was a good thing that's over but i also think me coming back here in seoul to work for you out of all the thousands of firms out there had a reason to happen, i think that us sitting out here finally speaking was for a reason too." you say. "then again, i am drunk, so." you both laugh.

"alright then. let's go back to where it all started." jeno says, standing up. you follow him. he extends his hand for you. "hi, i'm jeno, and you are?"

you give him a small smile and shake his hand. "i'm yn, nice to meet you."

"yn i think i owe you a drink, what do you say? for old times sake?" jeno asks.

"i'd love that." you say, smiling at him. "for old times sake."

☄️☄️☄️

"HAH I KNEW IT. 10 BUCKS PAY UP." haechan cheers, with the rest of the group reaching down their pockets to pay their half of the bet.

they were watching you guys by the window and they were betting on whether or not you and jeno would confess and reconcile in one conversation or if it would continue on longer.

"you better pray to God he doesn't break her heart again lee, because i swear i will-" seokwoo starts.

"i won't. i promise." they all look behind them to see you and jeno smiling at them.

"so you guys did plot against us huh?" you say, accusingly. "i see how it is."

"yeah yeah yeah but you're all happy now so what's the point? we didn't even have to do much everything just played out on its own perfectly." haechan defends himself, earning some laugus across the room.

"enough with the sappy stuff let's have some fun!! this calls for a celebration!" dongju says, running over to get (more) drinks for everyone.

"what do you want to toast to yn?" jeno whispers beside you.

"to a second chance." you say, lifting your glass to which he hits his glass with. "to a second chance," he repeats.

"and maybe this time, it'll work out just the way it should be." 🍓

🫵🫵🫵

tags: @n0hyuck @toodleeee @vianna99 @mark-geolli @polarisjisung @dinonuguaegi

[desire-mona]

randomly assigning house md characters internet moments / videos / memories / whatever i remember based off nothing at all (i did i dps version too) (also links for everything i talk about will be provided) (also also this isnt made to make fun of anyone involved in any of this)

house - mr beast and his OLD OLD youtube videos, like circa 2015? i think? he used to make cringe compilations essentially where he just made fun of kids' youtube intros. face and all like nothing was blurred for privacy, and then he'd call them cringe and make drinking bleach jokes. like a LOT. i binge watched those back in like 4th grade i think? maybe 5th? so thats kinda all i associate him with now. he also made videos where he would say a word like a thousand times, sometimes WAY more (like 100k+). or like. count to that number, he did both. anyway rip house you wouldve loved making fun of kids' youtube videos

wilson - does anyone remember the evian baby commercials? i think the whole shtick was like "this water makes you feel young again" I THINK? the one i linked was the one where the reflection on a building makes ppl babies, but theres one where babies are on roller skates or whatever too. this isnt entirely an internet moment as much as it is just a memory, cuz i remember my mom and my aunt DYING laughing at these commercials. idk what it was they were just in tears. theres something so 2007-2015 about dancing babies. wasnt a dancing baby the first internet meme? just googled it and yes it was.

cuddy - onision's shitty spoken word songs PLEASE tell me someone remembers them. onision really shouldve stopped trying to make music after the banana song bc the rest really suck shit. this is NOT based on vibes i gotta get that out there, i was like hmm cuddy has a kid. you know who else has a kid? YOU KNOW WHO LET THEIR KID FALL OUT OF A WINDOW? cuddy would fucking HATE onision. ALSO OH MY GOD PAUSE EVERYTHING ONISION JUST UPLOADED A SONG. I NEED TO MAKE A SEPERATE POST ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW WHAT THE HELL. anyway dont watch it. i linked strange æon's video on his music just bc i really dont wanna direct u to anything of his directly. did u know i dont like onision?

foreman - the most insane youtube poop ive ever seen in all of my 19 years of living, i sent this to maddie specifically when i made my initial "like for a rando internet moment!" post but i really need to share it with the general public. general warning for youtube poop-ness; flash, loud noises, overwhelming, etc. i am actually begging you to watch this because it tops every other ytp ive ever seen, like actually blows it out of the water. i also has no idea ppl still made ytps after 2014 tbh.... btw this is probably the only ytp that i'll ever recommend LMAO

chase - OH MY GOD KYLERLOVESJESUS. so basically this one eboy influencer type on tiktok back in 2019 Found God and went on rants about how abortion is wrong and gay marriage is bad and blah blah blah. there was this moment on one of his lives where he went "i love gay people, i would be best friends with a gay person. do i support it? no." which was the FUNNIEST shit back in the day. i would quote it on the daily. btw the editing of the video i linked is VERY of the time so beware LMAO

cameron - cutie the kitten (sans' wife and gf) + the killing videos sans fan girls would make. i actually cant link anything bc the channel doesnt exist anymore but! basically back in 2016ish there was this one girl who had such a crush on sans and she had a whole ocxcanon situation with sans and her pink cat oc Cutie. a lot of ppl hated her + the ppl who had ocs shipped with sans but looking back its truly not a big deal. what is a big deal is that she (? maybe?) and other sans fangirls would make animated slideshow videos of their ocs using powers or whatever to kill other sans fangirls. like brutally. it was a wild time i wish cutie's channel was still up so i could prove thats a real thing, but ask an undertale fan from back then and odds are theyll know. heres a sans fangirl cringe compilation so you kinda know what im talking about, but fair warning it is a cringe compilation so. it wont be nice.

thirteen - TW INCEST!! this one hamilton animatic i saw back in forever ago to the song 'helpless'. usually animatics to that song use eliza and hamilton (im not a hamilton fan this is very surface lvl knowledge btw) but the one i saw was eliza and ANGELICA. like as in HER SISTER. big surprise someone in a big fandom ships incest wow I KNOW its tame compared to other shit, but it was i think my first exposure to anything like that circa 2017ish, so it kinda stuck in the brain. also the video i linked isnt the og its a phil collins mashup, the og got taken down. hamilton always makes an appearance in my house posts doesnt it, be lucky i didnt give kutner this one bc ppl were turn up abt hamilton fan kutner.

taub - WHAT DO YALL KNOW ABOUT MIKE AND MELISSA ⁉️⁉️ basically mike and melissa is this animated passion project this guy made to show himself (or his persona? or maybe just some guy) falling in love with his fursona that comes to life. this was the only episode this guy uploaded and i think he kinda disappeared after. the plot is kinda hard to follow and its not TERRIBLY animated but its certainly not professional looking. there's a video about what happened to him uploaded like 5 months ago, but i havent watched it. when i first heard of mike n melissa i fully thought it was a mid 2000s family sitcom but it definitely Is Not That.

kutner - undertale sans au christmas party comic dub. i probably dont need to give an explanation as to what sans aus are but idk how many ex or current undertale fans follow me so i'll do it anyway. making au's for undertale was a pretty common practice back in its early days, and usually the most popular character in any undertale variation is sans. who sans is shipped with was always up in the air, so much like the onceler, ppl ended up shipping sans with other au versions of himself. this christmas party comic is in my mind the undertale fandom equivalent of camp weehawken. i think there was also a sans au comic where all the sans' except for like 2 were toddlers at daycare? i dont remember who the adult sans' were but also i think the creator got into hot water? dont remember why.

[runicsorceress]

been thinking about ghosts types that are born from the dead. especially yamask..

always assumed they couldnt all be born from the dead because of breeding shit.. but a lot of the dex entries about yamasks mention shit about remembering their past lives.. does that just. not apply to bred yamasks? not even ones bred in captivity. what about the ones bred in the wild?

theres even more confusion around them... if theyre only born from people interred in graves from past ages... wouldnt the population of those born from graves be dwindling? itd be mostly wild bred yamasks.. so they shouldnt have those memories of their past lives or whatever right?

if they are born from more modern graves.. wouldnt there be a shit ton of them in celestial tower? but there aint any at all.. and i know all about the litwick line. they aint got anything to do with it.

something here has to be wrong. maybe.. bred yamasks are still somehow born from the dead?

if youre a yamask researcher or some shit.. reach out to me. cant find anything about this online.

[lemonade-luvr]

I MEAN THATS AS FAR AS I KNOW. to be fair all i’ve heard abt it is You fucking hallucinate shit .thats literally it .

where the fuck did i get the idea you were having hallucinations then......... hmmm. however, i also dont get many hallucinations! at least not visual ones. im much more privy to tactile and auditory stuff!

im gonna infodump. autistic style. and if i accidentally desstroy your worldview, im so sorry. you have been warned.

IT GOT REALLY LONG SORRY FUCKKKKKKKK

schizophrenia is actually very similar to an autism diagnosis! at least from an outside perspective. it comes with flat tone and struggles with facial expressions and all that jazz! it can also make it really hard to think and leads to a very scattered mind??? idk how to describe it . because of the . well we call it brain scramble! i think its called something like word salad though.

the main defining thing about schizophrenia is the presence of psychosis, which is further defined by hallucinations, delusions and paranoia o^_^o

hallucinations CAN include seeing stuff that isnt there, though thats a really simple understanding of visual hallucinations. the visual hallucinations i tend to get are stuff in the corner of my eye and the walls kinda.. Shifting. nothing immediately distressing. but i know there are people with way more scarier things going on.

auditory hallucinations are something i experience a lot more, and theyre just.. hearin stuff that wasnt ever there. my brain loves the discord notification sound and like. splatoon sound effects. sometimes i hear someone yell the body's name!

there are also tactile hallucinations which is feeling a sensation that wasnt real. we get these ones the most. a good example isssss well rn im getting The Bugs. like buddy theres no bugs here you are feeling hair probably and yet even then i still feel it eugh eugh eugh. our headmates can make use of our tactile hallucinations to give me pats on the head though, which is nice o^_^o

delusions are simply believing something that isnt true wholeheartedly. i dont reallly like to share mine because im scared of people playing into them or thinking theyre cringe BUT i will share that we have fully believed ourselves to be in future london before. which is really fucking funny you are allowed to think this is funny. we are in the wrong country for that buddy. you can be fully aware that somethiing isnt true and still believe it! its fucked up! they should make that illegal. these are the mind killer i hate these little bastardsssssss... delusions are very versatile. its also like thinking mundane things are signs.... theres a lot to say on delusions.

paranoia is the one thats really easy to comprehend its just intense and unfounded anxiety. me when i overthink everything to death. me when everyone on the bus knows im gay.

also it makes it really hard to Word Shit. sometimes i cannot comprehend the english language despite it being the only one i fucking know. On that Topic. Sorry if this is Incomprehensible. i actually genuinely Cannot Tell. its usually fine but sometimes i just feel like i cant get ANYTHING across correctly.

impaired motor coordination is also a thing? which makes it hard for me to type sometimes and also do things like, idk, drink my monster energy without spilling it and pissing off charles. sorry charles. damn. UH theres also a lot of repetitive behaviours, and catatonia. it can come with memory issues and FATIGUE BIIIIITCH and BUDDY am i FEELING the fatigue today. AUGH AUGH AUGH.

oki think thats all i have to say on the matter unless u have questions

i feel so fucking nuts right now i dont know if its the rush of i just got to infodump or if im manic :sosonormal: <you are manic <thanks babygirl in my head. god i hope this is comprehensible

ONE TWENTY ONE GUNS 💥

[didwho]

Hello! You mentioned looking for more info about labels and stuff, so, if you're interested, here are a few things we've personally learned from several years as a "Origins Are Weird And Confusing" system who has been in therapy for A While at this point, in case they're useful to you: - you deserve whatever support you need, regardless of origin or dx or anything else. Therapy, friends who listen to you and support you, academic or workplace accommodations, the right to be unhappy and having a shitty time--you don't have to prove anything to be allowed to want/have those things. - trauma is a subjective experience about how your brain processed something difficult--not about whether the events were 'objectively bad enough to count', because there is no externally defined threshold. (There are certain types of negative experiences that are statistically very likely to be traumatic to the average person, but that absolutely does not mean that only those types of experiences "count".) - if you are experiencing lasting negative impacts from something that happened to you, 1) there is nothing you need to prove in order to be 'allowed' to get support for it; 2) anyone telling you that it wasn't bad enough to affect you is wrong. (This is true even in contexts completely unrelated to syscourse, btw!) - DID in specific is predominantly associated with chronic trauma/adverse experiences during childhood. However, if you have struggles with mental health issues and feel like a system, your options are not just either "100% Definitely DID" or "You're Making It All Up". Whether the label that happens to fit you and your experiences best is DID or any other label (OSDD, MaDD, PTSD + system, "stuff is shitty rn" + system, "who even knows", etc.) is between yourselves and the people on your support team--it's not the business of internet discourse randos trying to tell you whether or not you're valid. (Besides, figuring out what labels fit you best often isn't actually easy or obvious right away, for any number of reasons--including the fact that sketchy and/or 'muted' memories of awful experiences is a big part of many CDDs--and that's okay. Really. You get to figure stuff out at your own pace.) - you are allowed to use/benefit from CDD management strategies and ways of thinking whether or not you have one. (People without ADHD can use bullet journals. DBT isn't just for people with BPD. Etc. If it helps you, the important part is that it helps you.) - don't let the haters get you down. (There are folks out there in syscourse with complex and nuanced opinions, legitimate critiques of communities, etc.! And also, there are sometimes people who just want to be 'allowed' to feel hateful towards someone, aren't in good faith, and aren't interested in listening. What those people think of you or say about you Does. Not. Matter. They are howling at the moon.)

Good luck out there <3

thank you so so so so so much for the kind words!! i preach all of the same things yet sometimes its hard to believe it for yourself, so i genuinely really appreciate the reassurance.

i am looking for a label as of currently because i dont really know whats what, yknow?? its hard for someone like me because despite preaching all of those things, i struggle to understand what defines trauma!

a lot of my headmates tend to agree we do have trauma, but those who dont tend to feel very strongly about not, so it kinda pushes that positivity away!

it really sucks to be both your own supporter and your own enemy at the same time (not calling my headmates enemies its just the best way i can describe it)!

the vents i post are usually when im feeling fired up or upset over things, and again, for that post/ rant i had earlier i spread misinfo, which i feel HORRIBLE about, but i will keep the post up because someone else made a point on it and had the patience to help educate me!

i am still learning and alla that, its hard to navigate this community because theres so many terms, and due to general amnesia, whether it be the fact im a system or due to my ADHD, its hard to get a grasp on all of those!

anyways, sorry for the ramble and thank you so much for the kind words! i hope you have an amazing day ❤️

[funshinebf]

dream rant

the most common theme in all of my dreams is that something is Wrong with me that makes like being alive super scary and stressful. like usually its about me having really bad issues with my memory or like with my grip on reality. and the people around me, usually my family, either wont listen to me when i express my worries about it, or they do listen to me but they have a hard time trying to help me. usually my dad is one of the main people who tries his best to help, but often in them he's caught up with other stuff so he cant be there for me the whole time. and it gets scary for me because the way im having to interact with the world is already so scary and strange all of a sudden, but then on top of that i dont know who i can rely on to help me when i need it.

my dream last night was about me starting to hallucinate very heavily, like the rooms i was in looked completely different to me than they shouldve, i was seeing and talking to people no one else could see or hear, it got to a point where i could barely walk around in my house because the house i was seeing wasnt at all like the house that was actually there. and i just felt so helpless. even when i was able to contact my family for help, i was still terrified that they might not have even been real, and that help wouldnt actually be coming. at one point i started breaking down and sobbing because i had fought with one of my hallucinations but then i was overcome with the fear that i could end up hurting Lucy from thinking i saw something else where she was. at another point i called my irl close friend on the phone to try and get help, and i just felt so distraught when she said she didnt hear anyone else in the room with me, when i was having a full conversation with another person that i thought was real. and then even when i realized he wasnt, i still just couldnt ignore him when he spoke to me so i kept responding. i could barely eat because i couldnt tell what things in the pantry were real or not, and i kept trying to eat things that werent real. i dont know, im just getting so affected by how helpless i feel in these types of dreams lately. and the fact that theyre so frequent makes me really distressed. im so tired of waking up with that lingering fear and sense of dread and helplessness. and like. the distressing nature of these vivid dreams has only really become frequent in the past year or two, but ive had such vivid dreams for as far back as i can remember. i still remember a dream i had from before my parents divorced, which they did when i was 3. so i dont know if theres even like anything thats causing this or if theres anything i can do about it. i just wanna wake up without feeling so emotionally drained. even my good dreams leave me waking up with a feeling of loss over not being able to go back to them. i feel like theres no winning

[chocolatespyro]

i think people forget writing cabby as disabled so late makes a lot of test tube and fans actions come off as microaggressions rather than getting mad at her for being “mean” apparently they were already planning on cabby getting an arc i just wish they intended to write her as disabled from the beginning so they couldn’t frame her as “mean”, i wish they showed segments of her genuinely forgetting something, her being distressed fan took her file rather than immediately being angry, while i do think that her disability (i mean how it’s written in her not her relationships and respecting her disability its genuniely awful how its treated) is written really well and that the scene referencing her parents is one of the best objeft scenes ever. it just implies so much with so little and theres so much interpretation, both main interpretations equally sad, either cabbys parents gave her genuine trauma which lead to ptsd related memory loss, or she was away from her parents for so long she forgot them. shes so tragic but i wish her disability was written earlier so fan and test tubes microagressions could be written more respectfully.

-🍭

Seems to be an unfortunate trend in general where they don't think of the implications of changing things ahead of time and it ends up being incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. To me at least, she did seem pretty distressed when Fan took her file at first, though I guess the way they framed it made Cabby seem super uptight or harsh and such.

It does kinda worry me and also makes me wonder why they only revealed Cabby having a disability much later. Just seems like a really odd choice that makes parts of the earlier episodes a tad uncomfortable to watch.

The Parents scene kinda seems a bit like it could be tied to the other scenes with Test Tube and Paintbrush when it comes to their attributes and them not remembering where they got it from, at least imo. (i.e Test Tube's intelligence and Paintbrush's ability to light their hair on fire.) Though I don't think we have enough evidence for me or anyone else to really know for sure soooooo... shrug.

As a Cabby not remembering scene though, I do like how we get a little bit of possible insight into her life, considering she seems closed off about information about herself anyways. Whatever happened or whoever possibly made or has guardianship over her, it definitely does seem to freak her out some.

The first one that connects to Paintbrush and Test Tube do make me wonder though because if it does end up being that. It seems like Paintbrush and Test Tube are a lot less bothered by the fact that they don't really know, it just "happened." If it is this, does that make Cabby the tiniest amount more potentially self-aware? Maybe she tries to think about it more than they do? Idk just spitballing.

And yeah, I would've liked to see a lot less of "both sides messed up" or just "Cabby was the one in the wrong" types of blaming especially when Cabby was incredibly nice and helpful towards a lot of her teammates, usually only not helping when she's been burned by someone.

[tabbytiger]

Girlies I am so concern w my brain /rant

TL:DR My psychotic ass is going more crazy than it already was, and also dissociative amnesia needs to get off my dick because Its starting to become a danger.

I’m so glad I wrote down all the details i could remember from that near miss while I still could recall it bc that was yesterday and I can feel it’s already starting to fade away again.

Nobody honking or anything is really throwing me off bc now I’m sitting here like “Did it actually happen or did I make this up or was it a dream that I had?”

Like I’m going to forget it entirely again soon and theres nothing I can do about it.

I should be idk like going thru ptsd or something I quite literally was going to die. But I’m still sitting here feeling fine and normal, and I was fine and normal when it happened too. I don’t feel anything about it and thats really concerning me.

Instead of like being distraught over the near miss instead I cried in my car in a dmv parking lot for literally 4 hours because I was like “Why the fuck am I starting to lose days, weeks, months and even years.”

I’m not quite blacking out in the middle of a day or anything but I am only remembering bits and pieces of a day and I’m recalling things out of order. I’ve always dealt with dissociation but its never been quite this bad.

Also I’m just like. I don’t know what to believe because I have psychosis.

I’ve just been lying in bed with thoughts looping in my mind and it all looks like this:

Do I have Schizophrenia? What if this is a delusion? Maybe I just think I have it but I don’t and its making up false memories or something to go with it. Are all the stuff that I remember going through when I was a child real? Did I make that up too? If I already feel like I didn’t exist the previous days or weeks then how do I know it happened? I see that I typed out all these messages but I really feel disconnected from the person that wrote them even if that was me on that date and time.

I’m forgetting earlier points brought up literally minutes ago in a conversation, and I’m going in and out the whole time so I’m not even hearing the full thing. Its so bad that when before I would misplace like 1 thing and then find it later.

Now its like, me spinning in circles because i keep thinking about doing something while I’m actively doing something else and I’ll forget that I haven’t done what I was thinking of doing and believe that I did it only to run back downstairs because I indeed, did not do it.

Like the number of times I have left for work at 3:30am thinking and REMEMBERING that I actively put my key in, turning the lock, and locking the door, only to come back home 8 hours later to my dad telling me I didn’t lock the door.

My dad has also told me a handful of times before about something I apparently said but I don’t remember saying it in the way that he’s recalling it, and I’ll be like “I don’t remember saying that” and he’ll be like “whats wrong with you, that’s exactly what you said” but I’m suspicious that he’s making stuff up and maybe hes pulling one of his “not funny and hard to tell if he’s serious or not” jokes.

Though I’ve also had instances on VC with friends where I’ll apparently say something and forget that I said it, cuz they’ll be like “thats what you said you literally JUST said it” and I’ll be like “huh?? I don’t remember saying that” except my friends wouldn’t lie to me and try to make me think I did something I don’t remember doing so I’m just like “I can’t trust my own memory 🥴”

I was so distraught driving home I missed the 1st ramp to get on the highway, and I was actively fighting not to dissociate while driving I missed my exit and had to drive over the white lanes back into a lane. How I remembered getting home and getting there is a miracle at this point.

I think its definitely saying something if me almost dying have no effect on me, and when I think about if I had died I’m still apathetic and neutral. And part of that is also because I have been dying so much lately in my dreams (Sometimes I wake up confused because I thought that dream was real and actually happened) that I’m just like.

“Its okay If I did die, It’ll only hurt for a second, and I’ll feel regret, and then grief but then everything will be calm and all that would have happen would be that I just quietly drift off into the nothingness and It’ll be the most peaceful last thing I’ll remember.”

Like this happened recently and I deadass shot up in bed and I was so confused and disoriented I was literally making sure my body was there and that I could feel. Bc I was like “Did I reincarnate?? Did I reincarnate and very soon I’ll forget all of my past life and this is the last thought I’ll ever have of my old self?” but like no bitch its called waking up 🥴😭

[luc1d-dr34m5]

I would love to know what the deal with dreadful harmony and happy chaos is 👀. They seems like fun together!

Yesss YESS YESSSSSSS sorry i am so excited as i type this rn just ajdjwjmJQHE HEHEHEHE THERE WILL BE MANY SPELLING MISTAKES IM SORRY

I might get some lore parts wrong since looking for other sources of GG lore is sadly not on my schedule so if u know other things then correct me

If it gets too long im putting it under a read more but but okay so basically so give a basis and such:

Dreadful Harmony was known as 'The Architect'. They are like, the other half of 'The Original' not in a literal sense but in a partners sense. They were Partners in the discovery of magic basically, while yes The Original still is the one who discovered the Backyard n got magic from there The Architect is the one who created a lot of the first spells ever. Due to this both of them are technically teachers of the Conclave and Asuka but to make sure theyre not confused, The Original is reffered to as 'Teacher' while The Architect is reffered to as 'Tutor'.

The Architect also has like, developed a magic theory called 'The Circle Theory' aka how circular forms of spells n such are the best way to express magic due to how imperfectly perfect it is and such, this one ill leave vague but basically this theory is kinda hard to grasp because theres a lot of intricacies in it. Asuka tends to use more geometrical shapes so while he can use Circle theory its a bit more taxing on him cuz hes not used to 'imperfection' in a sense.

Anhways on back to the YaoiYuri that is DH(Dreadful Harmony) and HC(Happy Chaos). The lore kinda changes here but tried to keep events close to canon/give explanations here. The Architect was trapped by the Universal Will like somewhere in the backyard bc they were the biggest threat at the time and this caused The Original to slip up and get caught as well. Anyways Things happen as plot like The Original getting out and wandering the backyard for years in a mad state but at the same time The Architect was absorbing all the info in the backyard like he was but instead of wandering theyre literally trapped and then The Original gets absorbed by the Universal will again so she can have an understanding of Human emotions only to like, fuck up bc of The Original aka Happy Chaos having become insane and flooded with pure human desire.

on the opposite end, The Architect lost all their humanity, their emotions their desires, not their memories, though, this does mark their shift to becoming Dreadful Harmony. Anyways Dreadful Harmony is like, freed after Lethargy's lore happens cuz Lethargy is like, DH and HC's missing humanity mashed together in a Valentine vessel HC got the Universal Will to make hence why Lethargy V. has free will i might elaborate more on Lethargy lore if wanted.

Bacl to DH and HC, their past relationship as The Original and Architect was romantic, they were abt to get married even. Its why DH's current outfit looks like a wedding dress in a way, cuz that was a very important moment in their life and yeah romantic love doesn't always define humanity but tbh these two are just, In Love. in general. Something that can be platonic and romantic and the spaces outside or betwene but the love is there and persists until now cuz like.

DH and HC call eachother their 'partner' and give like, diff answers each time asked if it was romantically or platonically. Even if DH doesnt have emotions nor desire they have Biases due to their memories and thus act upon said biases like how HC is so full of human desire he cannot truly love in the sense a normal person can. These two cannot love normally yet they still love eachother in their own ways. While HC lives for human emotion yet DH doesnt have any thus doesnt rlly deter the other so much cuz their love dosnt give either of them purpose.

If HC finds a purpose if DH is free from their prison theyll gladly follow along, filling up empty roles that oppose or support HC, either way they have the same goal for different reasons, HC cuz he cares abt humanity as a whole and DH because the world ending would be Horrible for the people they have Biases for. HC's reasons are selfless in a sense while DH's reasons are selfish yet regardless they aim for one goal so they go for it hand in unlovable hand clutching one another in a loving way.

They both are Wax figures, they direct and fill in empty roles as they see it in different manners and ways. Also demon imagery with Happy chaos and Angel imagery with Dreadful harmony is very intentional. Contrast babeyyy

Also to elaborate how their love for one another doesnt really count as a "Purpose" is cuz they both like Drama, Drama King n their Drama Queen, which is which u decide. Their love for ome another is so inherent they just know it'll always be there so why desperately cling onto it when its guaranteed to be there.

They are judt so RHRHRHRH TO ME not to mention the dynamic and relationship Dreadful Harmony has with Asuka is swimming in my brain alongside this just wkdjwnsnsn If things are confusing i can elaborate!! They are so silly to me.

[fictionfixations]

Aphmau. uhh... Thoughts?

So I've just. I remembered that I kinda wanted to know about what happened with aphmau from give-grian-rights' (no @ because i dont wanna bother em lol) profile thing cause i think in their pinned post there was something about aphmau

and like

so then i went back and searched 'aphmau' and like. so there was a document (< this is not mine)

so i read it. and just

bro wtf

no but why do like almost all the youtubers from peoples childhood just turn out really shitty?

and then uh. yknow i didnt know there was fuckin.. sib on sib?? i mightve missed it because its been awhile since then but like. what??

i mean okay, so I watched Aphmau when I was young, don't ask me how old I don't remember, but like.. so I joined around Season 1 or 2 of PDH, or Phoenix Drop High if I remember that right, I think maybe probably either towards the end of Season 1 or in the middle of Season 2? I can't remember but I remember waiting to watch it (I remember seeing that theres a new episode and clicking and then im not allowed to watch it because its not approved or whatever cause i had the i think restricted mode on lol ??) HAHA SPOILER WARNING FOR THE SERIES IG? its all from the memory of me though, who is really forgetful and watched it like years ago \/

uh. so. uhh i really dont remember what series is which -- the fuckin, that one season where they're like.. isolated. in the snow. in like a cabin (and theres that one ghost girl thing i think she was a ghost that fuckin kissed zane or something idk why that was so memorable?)

and like.. so ein is there and like. so yknow, children exposure to aphmau being like drugged or some shit (add on to this: I roleplayed with people on like Hypixel housing cause I found Aphmau fans and like.. i dont know man, the drugging was certainly a part of it with the whole green eyes and stuff)

bro i dont know why i thought that was normal?? i mean no one goes up to a child and says 'drugging people is bad' so i mean how was i to know??? and i was just like 'AWEE <3 <3 <3' I DONT KNOW MAN I LIKED BOTH SHIPS??? I WAS WEIRD I WANNA SAY I DIDNT KNOW ANY BETTER BUT LIKE ?????/ i mean the whole thing made me cry a lot because it was sad and shit but like.. thinking back on the plot now, idk man it was kinda weird

bro the only controversy i knew she was in was like when she for some reason fired all the i think VAs of the characters?? she fired someone and it was all really controversial but i was like 'uh.. this is fine-? idk man i just wanted to watch minecraft roleplay'

and she just like kept dragging it out and i dont think it ever happened (but her content nowadays isnt something i like watching)

also i like.. i rewatched one of her series, one of her newer ones i think with hte demons and shit

My Inner Demons

okay so like.

that show had a lot of adult jokes?????/ idk man maybe it was just me but there was like an amount of sexual-ish stuff and its just ???????????? and i dont remember that when i was a kid but i was oblivious to everything but like.. why put adult jokes in kid show i mean i think it was a kid series i dont really know but her whole channel is like some family friendly show to watch?

i cant name any specific scenes because its been too long but like srsly i feel like it was one of those storylines from a fanfiction that is probably offensive no but like

its y/n x demon boys basically

so that show never really hit hard and wasnt all that memorable, but i am sticking to my claim of adult jokes, and i might be wrong but i swear there was like at least one thing also while we're on the topic of her shows, can I mention like.. the entirety of Mystreet and the fuckin.. WAF??? When Angels Fall or something (the only reason i remember that name is cause WAF.) i like half dont remember what was going on but like

okay so i think so Aaron was like this special type of werewolf thing that I can't actually remember and when he looked at people -

i cant remember

did they die?? IDKK

BUT SO LIke it was like some fairytale thing BUT IT WAS REAL-- wait no i think he got rid of peoples hybrid features cause i think in like.. the series with Ein and the cabin he like went all 'D:<' and then ein lost his fuckin ears and shit /?

I THINK

but so like people were hunting em down because so they were wanted because of that and i dont know why. NO I THINK THEY WERE MIND CONTROLED WIHT THE THE emerald potion? forever potion?? IDK THEY MADE PEOPLES EYES GREEN AND MIND CONTROLLED THEM THEY WERE DRUGS (but the potion is like.. illegal? forbidden?? WELL NOT ANYMORE actually i think travis who i ThiNk is the white haired dude with like green eyes?? ' dad had like the book or something-- i really dont remember)

i ermember that they were probably mind controlled because katelyn or something, the blue haired girl had like green eyes i think and she was attacking aaron

uh

and then i think everyone was fuckin.. dying? i dont know what the fuck happened but then like blah blah blah adn then aphmau fuckin i think goes white eyed and like. irene from MCD or Minecraft Diaries.

with wings

and then i think it ended there wtf im so lost.

its like one of those stories where youre the protagonist so then you end up going a little overboard with crazy ideas that make zero sense when you look at the full picture or some shit idk

aghhh

[midnight-dreamerness]

It’s Always Been You

(This is NOT my gif. Credit to the creator <3)

summary: Jay stopped speaking to you unexpectedly and then you see each other at Molly’s.

pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

warning: Curse Words??

word count: 2.4k

A/N: theres a slight mention of the reader being plus size…

You never thought you’d be replaced. But in came Erin Lindsay and suddenly she was all he talked about. And eventually he didn’t call anymore. He didn’t pull up in your driveway with pizza and a pack of beer out of the blue anymore. There were no Saturday movie nights or Monday monopoly despite you both knowing he always won.

You were lonely. After meeting Jay in high school, it was the two of you against the world. And when he left for the rangers, you were lost. But he came back to you. And you were the happiest you’ve ever been. But this time was different. You were losing him, falling right between your fingers right In front of your eyes and there was nothing you could do was watch from afar as he loved someone else and ached to be that someone.

Erin was a good person with a good heart. She was good for him. But you couldn’t help but hate that you couldn’t give him everything she could. Whatever that was you didn’t know. Maybe it was because you were bigger. Maybe it was because you were different. Whatever it was, you didn’t want to know. It would only break you in the end.

You tried to go out but it seemed the ghost of him followed you wherever you went.

You glanced at him for a moment, noting the stubble covering his jaw and remember how much you ran your hands over it giggling when he spun you around in the middle of his apartment.

You both were closer than normal best friends. You slept in the same bed and cuddled countless times. But every time you woke you he was gone.

Your friend snapped her fingers in front of your face with a laugh.

“You’re staring,” she commented, sniggering. You grimaced, biting at your lip and removing your intense gaze from the man across the room.

He was with a group of people but his arms were laying across the chair of the girl you wanted to hate but couldn’t.

“I hate nice people,” you grumbled, only making your friend laugh more. You ended up grinning, her laugh being contagious.

“Hello, ladies.” You now noticed the blonde who had walked up to your table, recognizing him from Jay's group from across the room.

“Hello, handsome,” you flirted, resting your chin on the palm of your hand, fluttering your eyes at him. He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m Adam. I couldn’t help but notice you from across the room. Can I buy you a drink, both of you?”

“You can buy her a drink. I’m going to talk to the guy who's been eyeing me since I walked in. Good luck!” Your friend exclaimed and started to walk away but turned around and added, “Oh! She likes the fruity stuff. Berry Lemonade Margarita is her favorite. Thank me later.” She gave the blonde, Adam, a wink before finally walking away. You place your hands in your hands, a blush settling over you cheeks.

“Berry Lemonade Margarita it is.” Adam said walking to the bar. You sat there and chuckled, shaking your head. You could feel eyes on you, so you looked up and met his eyes. His hand had fallen from behind Erins chair, a sad smile on his face. You looked away letting out a sigh. Adam was back in a matter of minutes, sliding your drink in front of you and settling in the seat in front of you, a glass of what looks like Whiskey in his hands.

“Thank you,” you muttered, giving him a small shy smile.

“You don’t talk much do you?”

“When I open my mouth I usually embarrass myself.” He only laughs, shaking his head.

You ended up talking for a good twenty minutes about anything and everything. He was easy to talk to but you couldn’t help but ache for another man who would glance at the two of you from across the room ever so often. He hated it. He hated watching Adam making you laugh. It was really his own fault. He has no right to be angry or jealous. But he was. All he wanted to do was march right over there and rip him from that seat. Instead, though, he watched from afar, detaching himself from the conversation his friends were having. You brightened up the room as soon as you entered, his eyes on you as soon as you stepped foot into Molly’s.

“You know Jay?” Adam asked, leaning back against the booth. You nodded, swirling the straw in your half empty drink.

“We were best friends. Things happen, though. People change.”

“Well you're glancing at him every couple of minutes so apparently something happened there.”

“Oh fuck, Adam. I’m sorry,” your shoulder slump as you feel the guilt build inside you. He simply laughs and shakes his head.

“No need to apologize. Does he know?”

You wanted to ask him what he meant but you knew. So you shook your head, “No.”

He purses his lip. “Have you thought about telling him?”

“Only a thousand times. Erin is good for him, though.”

“If Jay wanted to be with Erin he would’ve made it official. So clearly something is holding him back.”

You hated how your chest filled with hope that maybe he held back because of you. But he left you. Stopped calling. Stopped texting. Stopped everything.

“C’mon,” Adam said standing up, glass in one hand and the other held out for you to take. You gave him a curious look but took his hand anyway and grabbed your drink before he could pull you away. When you noticed the direction you both we’re headed you tried to stop but it was no use. The two of you had gained the attention of the entire group.

“Hey, this is my girl, (Y/N). This is Kevin, Kim, Erin, and Jay.” Adam said, pointing them all out with their name. You gave them all a shy smile and a wave. Anxiety filled you and you suddenly felt sick to your stomach.

“Oh no, has he talked your ear off yet?” Asked Kevin who only made the rest of them laugh, aside from Jay, who only glaring at him. He hated the way the words “his girl” fell from Adam's lips.

Your shoulders dropped as the anxiety left and you let out a small laugh.

“He’s getting there.”

You didn’t even have it in you to look into his eyes. You tightened your grip on Adam's hand, who simply nudged you towards the empty spot next to an African American man, who you now know as Kevin. Adam sat next to you, sending you a wink before throwing his arm over your chair.

“Truthfully. She loves me,” Adam says shrugging. You take a sip of your drink, eyes widen, a laugh nearly falling from your lips.

“I’m just waiting on my chance to run,” you suddenly spoke. There was a slight pause before laughs were heard around the table and a whine came from Adam.

“Babe, that is so mean,” Adam moaned, holding his hand over his heart as if you broke it.

You simply giggled and slapped his chest lightly.

A conversation started and you added in a couple of times but mainly you were putting your focus on avoiding his gaze or trying not to cry at the sight of his hand resting on Erins shoulder.

As a certain song came on, you were suddenly pulled into memories of only a couple months ago.

It was the night he made you dance with him. You remember giggling and letting him spin you until you were dizzy and ready to pass out. You remember how his hands fell on your hips to try and steady you before you fell. He was laughing the entire time until his face came close to yours. And he almost kissed you. He was so close and you prayed that he would. But he didn’t.

The memory only causes your heart to ache and knowing that the man you loved was sitting right in front of you with another girl on his arm made it ten times worse.

You wanted to scream and to cry but you trapped it inside, bottling it up until you could let it out once you got home.

The sound of your slurping pulled you from your thoughts. You were out of adult juice. With no intention of going home, you were going to need another drink to get you through the night.

“I'm going to get a drink. I’ll be back,” you told Adam before hopping out of your seat. He gave you a nod.

“Yeah, me too. Anyone want anything?”

You pushed through the groups of people trying to get away but there was no use, Jay caught your arm and pulled you away before anyone at the table noticed. You were in a hallway suddenly and before you could say anything Jay was in front of you.

“Adam? Really?”

“What? What’s wrong with Adam? And why do you care?” You are getting upset now. Jay had no right to question you on who you were seeing. Not anymore.

“He’s not really your type.” You snorted at his reply. What were you supposed to say to that? You didn’t understand why he cared when he had left you and all of a sudden he wants to look out for you.

“Jay, you have no idea what my type is anymore. People change. Maybe I like blondes now.”

“Yeah well I remember only a couple months ago you much preferred brown haired, blue eyed men.”

“What are you implying?” You asked, stepping closer to him, your eyes set in a glare. He folded his arms over his chest, his muscles catching your eyes for a split second. Your thighs clenched before you copied his stance, your nails digging into your arms.

“You know exactly what I’m implying, princess.”

The nickname made you weak at the knees and so did that fucking smirk on his face. But you stood your ground, slipping your hair over your shoulder and attempting to walk around him. He caught your wrist, pulling you into his chest. You took in a breath at how close you both were. It had been so long since you touched him and every part of you wanted to melt into his arms.

“You left me, remember. Replaced me. No calls, no text, no goodbye. And no excuse. You have no right to try and tell me who I can or cannot be with.” As you spoke you snatched your wrist from his grip and pulled away, walking right out the side doors. You walked up to Adam, the excuse falling from your lips easily.

“I’m not feeling too well, I’m gonna head home, Call me. It was nice meeting you guys.”

And you were out the door before they could say anything. Your phone was blowing up as soon as you sped off down the road but you didn’t once pick it up knowing who it was.

It was your turn to ignore him now. You blocked his number later that night and cried yourself to sleep, trying your hardest to let go of that stupid schoolgirl crush you had for him and grow the hell up. You only wished it was as easy as saying it. But your mind betrayed you and you thought about him for the next two days. And then he showed up.

When you heard the knock you assumed it was the package you had been waiting on for three days now but when you took a peek through the peephole, you closed your eyes and sat your back against the door.

“Please open the door,” he begged, resting his head against the door. You let out a sigh and pushed yourself from the door, turning and swinging it open. He stood there with a pizza box in his hand and a pack of beer resting on top. You couldn’t help but smile as you noticed the flowers hiding behind his back. He pulled them out, a grin overtaking the sadness on his face. The look of excitement cured the nervousness that had settled in his stomach.

“Can I take the pizza, beer, and flowers and leave you on the doorstep?” You joked about taking a hold of the flowers, bringing them to your nose to smell them. You closed your eyes as your favorite flower's scent invaded your nose.

Jay let out a laugh. “No, princess. It’s a package deal.”

You let out a chuckle and opened the door wider for him. Jay walked inside, instantly making his way to the living room where he sat the pizza and beer on the table. Instead of following him you entered the kitchen and placed the flowers in a vase and filled it halfway with water. You placed them on the counter, cocking your head to the side as you arranged them perfectly in the vase. Jay watched from the entrance, leaning against the frame with a smile on his lips.

“I’m sorry. And I know it isn’t much, but I hope this is a good start to getting you back.”

His voice causes shivers to roll over your spine. You purses your lips, taking in a breath.

“I don’t want to play anymore, Jay. I want a relationship and if you can’t give me that then please just say so.”

He walked forwards, cupping your face in his hands.

“I didn’t know what I wanted back. But I do know now. And it’s you. It's always been you.”

With a sigh of relief you captured his lips, your hand running up his chest before clasping around his waist. You wished you had done it before, that you both hadn’t played around the thought of a relationship and just did it. But you had him now and that’s all that mattered.

His kiss made you fuzzy and you Found yourself leaning against him for support. His tongue swiped across your bottom lip and you parted your lips eagerly. You moaned at the taste of him and moved your hands to then settle on his chest. You have never been kissed like this before. And you loved every part of it.

You pulled back, taking in a much needed breath as he leaned his forehead against yours attempting to catch his own breath.

“So, you want me to beat your ass in monopoly or what?”

[swtki]

Cedric Diggory NSFW Alphabet

Pairing: Cedric Diggory x Fem! Reader

A/N: I’m gonna be working on more headcannon stuff like this, so follow me if you want to see them when they are posted!

WARNINGS: SMUT, ORAL SEX (F RECIEVING), MENTIONS OF PUBLIC SEX, 18+ ONLY

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I think Ced won’t hesitate to clean his partner up. Just a warm rag and quick wipe. Sometimes Ced will pass out as soon as he hits the mattress, but most times he’ll hold his naked body to yours and talk until you fall asleep. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite part of your body is your lips, for sure. He loves to watch them wrap around things, even when you put his finger into your mouth it drives him mental. His favorite part of himself is hands, he has fairly large hands so everything in them looks small. He loves that when he holds your waist its like his hands were meant to be there. Not to mention his long fingers, one hand can do so many wonders. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

I honestly don’t see him as someone who loves anything to do with cum. He would be more than happy to wear a condom while you’re dating, because that way he can make sure you enjoy it without the worries of unprotected sex. I also can see him not wanting to go raw because so many things could go wrong, but if you’re on birth control he will definitely be persuaded to pull out. Once he pulls out the first time he is utterly hooked and loves cumming on your stomach while you lay there on your back, looking all fucked out.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Not to say that Cedric secretly wants to explore public sex, however I am saying every time you two go out hes thinking of railing you in an alley against a brick wall. He loves public affection in a sfw way so I think he would be eager to explore nsfw public stuff. Now this all being said, he doesn’t ask you for a long time though, until you’re walking home from the shops and he starts to kiss you because god you look so gorgeous in the soft lighting, and then the kiss gets more intense. Then, he basically says fuck it and asks you if he can eat you out on the wall.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Like I said in Cedrics headcannon post, I doubt he lost his virginity with anyone other than Cho when they were maddly in love. When he meets you he wants to be nothing less than perfect. When things started to get serious in your relationship he swallowed his pride and looked up sex tips because he was worried he wasn’t experienced enough. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Cowgirl. No doubt about it. He loves how accessible it is for you, he can rub your clit, he can be chest to chest and thrust into you, he can be hypnotized by your perfect tits, it has everything. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Theres times where he kills the moment because he makes a joke in between thrusts, but more often than not hes got his head in the game. It will always start of playful and innocent with Cedric, but as soon as hands start roaming, he gets focused on the task at hand.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He isn’t shaven, but tidy for sure. Just a nice little bit at the base and he’s groomed. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Cedric loves nothing more than to brush the hair out of your face and stare into your eyes while your blissed out. Also he loves kissing and touching even before clothes come off. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I can see Cedric having a pretty high sex drive and sometimes you have to tap out for the night because your body can only take so much, so he’ll for sure be rubbing one out in the bathroom as soon as you fall asleep. He doesn’t mind of course, he’d rather you be comfortable even if that means he has to jerk off in the shower to the memory of twenty minutes prior.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

I thoroughly believe that Cedric Diggory has a praise kink. He loves nothing more than growling “So fucking perfect, my perfect fucking girl” into your ear during sex. I also think he has a roleplay kink, because you dressed up as a nurse for halloween and he was in another dimension.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

As I said previously, Cedric likes the idea of walls. However, I think he much prefers the bed or floor of your room. It just feels like you two are the only ones in the world and he cant deny how much of an angel you look like while surrounded by his soft white sheets. He would settle for a car, but your home is much better.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Kissing is his number one movement to start things off, so I think just kissing him would make him ready to go. I can see him having a thing for lip biting, especially when you’re reading or doing some other innocent task.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

If its something you don’t like, he won’t ever do it. He draws the line at bodily injury and excretory body fluids, Cedrics not hardcore like that. Wouldn’t mind choking you but he could never slap you or hurt you in any other way.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Cedric prefers giving, he feels bad because he takes so long to finish so he always leaves it up to you. He is an absolute got at eating coochie though, he pays attention to what you do and don’t like. And he would honestly eat you out anywhere. Like sometimes he just drops to his knees and hikes your leg up. His eyes when he looks up at you tho....fuck.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Definitely depends on the moment but I think most of the time he’s sensual and slow. He wants the world to stop and for it to only be your bodies moving in sync with each other, and especially so he can look into your eyes while he gets you closer and closer to orgasm.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Loves the whole rose petal romantic 2 hour long sex thing but will rip off your underwear in a closet to eat you out if he can.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He only takes risks by asking about something. He would always get your consent before anything else happens, so he knows worst you could do is say no. That being said, if you ask him 97% of the time he’s on board. Public sex took some convincing but he was in love with it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

I just think he’s ready to eat pussy 24/7 despite how hard he is. He’s horny all the time (in spirit if not physically) so I think he would go for multiple rounds. Though he will eventually get tired in one position, so you end up switching through 50 different positions in the span of the hour.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

The only toys Cedric uses on his partner are handcuffs at most. He prefers to use his skill because after all, he’s the one who should be making you feel that good.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Cedric isn’t the tease, you are. He wants you but simply can’t take you from behind during potions class, so he rests his hand on your thigh. He secretly loves how cocky you get, and secretly you love how turned on he is from your legs.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Listen to me: breathy moans. He’ll get so close to your ear and start whisper-moaning the most risque words. But, volume wise he’s quiet and he prefers it that way. He never wants to drown out the pretty mewls you make because of his fingers and cock.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He eats pussy that way iykyk. I’m glad every fic writer agrees that Ced is a pussy conesiour, because he loves grabbing your hips and pulling you down closer on his tongue, thats non negotiable. He probably has the strongest tongue in the world.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He thought he was small until he met you and was like “Sorry, I’m not that impressive 😔” then pulled out 6 inches of cervix shattering dick. Its thick too, but not like the porn-type thick, like it fits in your hand comfortably and fills you up perfectly.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Like I said: Always horny. Every time he watches you bite your lip he’s got a million things he wants to do to you in a broom closet.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He would rather watch you fall asleep even if that meant he never slept. But once he knows you’re sleeping, he wraps his body around yours with his chin on your shoulder and falls asleep. Prefect rooms= naked naps.

Taglist: @annasdani @mullthingsoverinthehotwater @faeinorbit @anchoeritic @cedricsyellowscarf

[lavenderjacobs]

fluff alphabet - Sapnap

➳ wc; 2,1K (she’s a long one lol)  ➳ pronouns; gender neutral<3 ➳ song reccomendation; heart eyes - coin

A=Attractive (What do they find most attractive in a partner?)

nick’s an ass guy and you can’t convince me otherwise. he’s also just loves your thighs and your stomach. he loves how soft your skin is, and how good you smell. whenever he’s sad he just rests his head on your stomach while you tangle you fingers in his hair. 

B=Best memory (Their favourite memory of you)

he cherishes your first kiss so much. he just has such a soft spot for that memory. the moment he finally found out you felt the same about him, the moment he finally found out what your lips against his felt like. it’s just something he had looked forward to for forever, and to him, it was perfect. 

C=Cuddles  (What type of cuddles do they like?)

sapnap is a WHORE for cuddles. if it where up to him, you two would just lay in bed all day, tangled in each other’s arms. after a long day, he just wants to hold his favourite person and fall asleep with them, so he just wraps his arms around your waist while he uses your chest as a pillow. but if he’s in a chatty mood, he’ll just talk your ears off, ranting about something he finds interesting, while you’re all snuggled up in the crook between his neck and shoulder. 

D=Dirty mind (Do they have a dirty mind?)

I mean, come on. it’s sapnap. we all know he does. he gets *excited* very easily, which can sometimes get in the way when you two are just trying to cuddle. he just has such a soft spot for your body and has to have his way with you once certain ideas have entered his mind. 

E=Effort (How much effort do they put in the relationship?)

nick would definitely try his best. honestly you don't care if his plans actually turn out the way he intented them to, it's the thought that counts. and nick knows that. but theres just something about you that makes him want to spoil you and treat you like a princess. so prepare yourself for fancy dates, him making you your favorite food, all that type of stuff.

F=First date (What was your first date together)

arcade date arcade date arcade date. sap is super competitive and I feel like he would thrive in an arcade. he would play it off like he was just trying to proof how good he was at the arcade games. but he'd just love to see how hard you would be trying to beat him. obviously he'd let you win a lot, and when he collected enough tickets, he would get you the biggest prize he could find.

G=Gentle (How gentle are they with you?)

it....depends???? lmao. nick CAN be super gentle with you, he’s pretty protective of you and would never want you to get hurt, so he’s definitely very careful not to do anything to hurt you. but sometimes his instinct just kinda takes over and well, he can get pretty rough. 

H=Hands (Do they have nice hands?)

hmmm nick has like,,very manly hands,, if you know what i mean. i dont know, they're just so rough but yet so pretty??? and they're like really big compared to yours so when he holds ur hand, yours looks so tiny in his. and omg he won't shut up about it. "LOOK AT YOUR HANDS THEY'RE SO SMALL🥺"

I=Impression (What was their first impression?)

he just thought you were so ~cool~. like he immediately knew he wanted to be your friend. he was just so in awe of how funny, chill and charismatic you were. and it literally took two days for him to develop a crush on you. his friends would notice this right away and tease him about it so much omg.

J=Jealousy (Do they get jealous often? If so what do they do?)

YUP. nick gets jealous so easy yup yup yup. jealousy, protectiveness, possessiveness, you name it. you two would often get in fights about this, but most of the time you would just think it’s cute how riled up he gets. he doesn’t get mad at you (because you’re his precious little baby and can do no wrong in his eyes :D) but god help the souls of whoever tries to flirt with you, because they’ve got a hell of a storm coming.

K=Kisses (What type of kisses do they like/give?)

god nick’s such a passionate kisser. or at least he can be lol. he loves the way your face fits into his hands, and how soft your lips are. so he definitely is a fan of just some wholesome passionate kisses. but damn this man gets sloppy when he wants to. his lips constantly trails off to your jaw, neck and collar bones.

L=Love  (Do they show their love?)

i feel like his love language would be like a mix between words of affection and physical touch??? he’s definitely very verbal with his love for you. he doesn’t shy away from saying i love you or letting you know how much he appreciates you in any other way.

M=Memory: (Their favourite memory in general?)

there are certain moments where nick just sits back, watches, and realizes how amazing his life is. and how grateful he is to have you. for example, you were playing minecraft on his pc, and your house kept getting blown up by creepers, he found it adorable how mad you got every time. he just watched you play, while sitting on his bed. after a while, you looked over at him, and caught him staring. “what?” you asked after letting out a soft chuckle. he felt like he was gonna explode from how much he loved you. 

N=Nickname  (What nicknames do they call you?)  

i’m getting very strong “baby” and “doll” vibes from nick. he loves baby-ing you and smothering you with other loving nicknames. just any petnames that show how much he loves you he’s all for. he would also love calling you “pretty” or “beautiful” for obvious reasons. 

O=Over  (What happened the one time you ‘broke up’?)

nick HATES fighting with you, but once you two get into an argument he can get pretty carried away. he’s definitely the type to let his emotions get the upper hand on him. raising his voice a lot, stuff like that. but the second you leave to get some space he just breaks down. sliding down the wall and resting his face in his hands, just letting all the emotions out. he never meant to hurt you. when you came back to him, ready to be enclosed in his arms again, he had a hard time letting you back in. he just felt like he didn’t deserve you after he treated you like this. it took some convincing, but once you broke down his walls again, it was like he gave you all the love in his body. just smothering you with “i’m sorry”s and kisses. 

P=Parents (What would they be like as a parent?)

dilfnap dilfnap dilfnap  omg he’d be such a good dad. like just very caring and loving, but also strict and stern when he needs to be. he’d constantly be telling stories to the kids about the absurd adventures him and his friends would get into, and omg the dad jokes he’d make. idk maybe it’s my daddy issues but dad sapnap lives in my mind rent free. 

Q=Quirk (Something special about them)

he loves holding your hand. especially in public. if you’re in a crowded space, he just holds onto you very tightly as not to lose you. or if you two are just going on a walk together, his hands would just feel so warm and soft around yours. and omg he loves it when his hands are in his pockets, and you put your hands in there with him, and intertwine your fingers with his. hmmm he gets so soft when you do that.

R=Romantic (How romantic are they?)

i- uh- I MEAN HE WOULD TRY he really would, and again, that’s all that matters. I feel like he would be the type to try to prepare a whole surprise dinner, he would cook all the food himself, he would set the table all cute, with candles and shit, but just completely ruin the surprise by accidentally giving it all away by saying something or just behaving very obviously suspicious. 

S=Sad (What are they like when they’re sad?)

he just gets really quiet. he would never want to bother you or be a pain in the ass by complaining to you. but obviously you notice when something is wrong with ur bby boy. a sentence like “are you okay?” or “what’s wrong?” would immediately send him over the edge, burying his face in your chest, trying his best to supress his sobs. but he eventually calms down, and once he does, he’s able to just rant to you about whatever is bothering him.

T=Together (What are they like when you’re together?)

i feel like it would really depend on his mood, like he could be either SUPER chill, just wanting to savour the time you two had together. or he could be really hyper, constantly talking, wanting to do all kinds of activities with you. he’d be the literal definition of :D

U=Understanding (How understanding and empathetic are they?)

very. i just get such empathetic vibes from him. he’s such a good listener and he’ll just listen to you talk whenever you have something to be upset about. he never invalidates your feelings and omg he’d give the best advice. 

V=Value (What do they value most about the relationship?)

he loves that he can 100% be his self around you. there’s no part of his personality that he feels like he has to hide, or tone down, whenever he’s with you. you also aspire him to be his best self, he just wants to be the best boyfriend in the world. all his friends have noticed this too, you bring out the best in him.

W=Wedding (Would they want marriage? If so what would they like?)

eh. if you’re a person who really values marriage, he’d 100% do it for you. but it’s not like he HAS to. he gets a bit scared by the idea of this whole big event, where everything is about you two, he would way rather celebrate the love you two have in the comfort of your own home, just the two of you. the one thing he would love about a wedding, would be seeing you all dolled up, walking down the aisle, omg he’d be the proudest man ever to be able to call you his.

X=X-Ray (How well can they read you?)

the SECOND you start to feel sad or depressed in any way, nick notices immediately. he knows you better than anybody else, and he knows exactly what to do to cheer you up. it’s like his superpower. if you’re feeling anxious he’ll just wrap his arms around you really tightly, holding on to you until you calm down. and when you’re sad, and in need for something to cheer you up, he’ll take you outside for a walk in the park, or he’ll just sit in bed with you, watching your favourite show. 

Y=Yuck (What they would never want in a partner)

he hates when you flirt with his friend, even when you’re very obviously joking. his jealous ass can’t deal with that lmao. he also gets super pissed when his friends make flirtatious jokes towards you, they know how much it gets on his nerves and that’s really the only reason they do it. but omg he gets so pissed when it happens. 

Zzz (How do they sleep around you?)

nick would be the cutest sleeper ever omg. he doesn’t like to admit it, but he loves being little spoon. he loves resting his head on your chest, while you play with his hair, patiently waiting for him to fall asleep.