#ugh i wrote a fucking essay

[dumplingequivalent]

hey I think I know why old people are insincere assholes the essay

Yknow when you're trying to connect to someone from an older generation, and they gloss over your attempts at genuine connection?

Like when a family member got you a gift that really meant something to you, but when you try to express your genuine gratitude, it seems like they don't really give a shit?

Or maybe you open up and share something personal with an older coworker or family friend along with some advice on a concern that you've been actively worrying about for them, but they don't acknowledge it or even act like they heard you at all?

Something clicked for me today, and now I think it's bigger than Poppop's Just An Asshole Sometimes.

I think there's been a huge shift in western culture around authenticity and genuine expression in the past two decades or so - the way we as a society and culture view it, express it, present it, and respond to it - that's causing minor intergenerational conflicts in our personal lives, but more importantly, major conflicts in our shared public spaces.

Hear me out.

1. Authenticity Then VS Now

2. Authenticity Becomes A Privilege And No One Tells The Boomers

3. Boomer-Meta and Why It Matters

1. Authenticity Then Vs Now

If you're on tumblr you probably understand nuance -

- so I think the concept of "authenticity" meaning something different to Boomers than it does to Millennials or Gen Z isn't baffling to you. it probably feels really familiar.

If you went to a US school in the 2000's, you probably remember the DARE program and anti-smoking and anti-drug ads on TV. And if you don't, you probably already have an idea of what I'm talking about. Things made by adults that felt embarrassingly out of touch to the children they were designed for.

As we all know, these all flopped immediately yet lasted the whole decade. (flopped except for the anti-smoking ads which I'll come back to) In retrospect, these marketing attempts says a lot more about the generation of adults responsible for them.

Things like the DARE program were, pretty transparently, designed to resemble what boomers remembered was "cool and interesting" from their own childhoods. My favorite example is Yello Dino and his video on "Tricky People" that's a painfully obvious homage to Fonzie from Happy Days crossed with Barney that's just as painful to watch.

Watch from 8:03-15:30 or so to see Yello Dino appear and sing a stranger danger song with the Local Kids™.

It's easy to look at this kind of thing and the DARE program and say "of course kids didn't fall for any of this, it's so poorly made; blatantly trying to sell an idea;" etc. But I think the core issue is authenticity.

Remember the anti-smoking ads? Those worked in the end because they featured people who looked like people we knew in person, with real problems from actions they really regretted. And that stuck.

But the Boomer "How Do You Do Fellow Kids" bullshit was never grounded in reality.

The approach they were trying to replicate only worked back in the boomers childhoods because everyone was seen as being genuine by default.

People in real life told the truth unless proven otherwise. Comedians on TV said things to make the audience present laugh. Singers appeared on TV so you could see them as well as hear them. People in ads were selling you a product.

Actors acted like their characters to portray that character "genuinely".

Why would they lie? Their job is to be that character. If they say they like Big Coffee Brand™, you might laugh as it's obviously an ad,

but you also then believed that to be true.

No, really. The section on Fonzie's wiki page bout Henry Winkler's involvement in social issues, titled "Civic Involvement," reads like a social commentary in a dystopian horror. There's little to no distinction between the character and the actor. Henry Winkler is Fonzie, and Fonzie is Henry Winkler.

So if you wanna be like Fonzie, you wanna be like Henry Winkler. You wanna smoke and drink and say what Henry Winkler does, because that's what Fonzie does.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Now, flash forward to the 2000's.

The police officers doing DARE were (mostly) never thrilled to be there. The anti-weed ads were so exaggerated that they seemed cartoony. Hell, some of them were cartoons, just unfunny ones. And most importantly, we were taught from a very young age that everyone is always lying.

"Never reveal personal information about yourself to strangers or online to protect yourself" turns into "Everyone is lying to you to get something from you" really, really fast.

People in real life aren't to be believed until they can prove what they say is true. Comedians on TV say things to keep themselves relevant and in the rumor mill. Singers appear on TV to sell concert tickets and promote albums. Ads use social issues that affect real people as marketing. Actors are people who are pretty and pretend to be other people in a way that's never convincing, but sometimes if they're feeling generous they'll let you know what they really think and feel.

So, why would anyone tell the truth?

Why should you?

2) Authenticity Becomes A Privilege And No One Tells Boomers

(Thank you for reading this far and I promise I'm don't with the edgy "everything sucks" poetry now)

So now we've all grown up into jaded adults who've been taught to not trust but to strive to "be your unique self" and that creates some weird social dichotomies.

If you want to be truly happy, you must accept yourself and do what you want to do.

....but then you risk being seen as a cringey fuck that gets laughed at on Facebook by your highschool classmates and all of your previous bosses.

All jokes aside, modern society prioritizes a readied public face now more than ever, and that's really exemplified in the Internet celebrity experience. Taking a mild stance on anything generates tabloids attention, and doing something the public frowns upon can ruin a person's career permanently. you're on tumblr, this isn't news to you. you get what I mean.

This consequently makes moments of genuine emotion and expression from these celebrities inherently risky - and thus, a much more rare occurrence. Moments of streamers getting scared by spiders or cockroaches blow up constantly because, I mean yeah sure it's funny, but it's also really REALLY difficult to stage a believable reaction to something like that. And that carnal reaction draws out the desire for connection in all of us. That moment of unfiltered response feels special - a brief glimpse behind the curtain.

And celebrities online know it too. Apology videos, let's plays, streaming - all of this media has a built in sense of authenticity that is vital to making it work. Authenticity is a premium social currency in this space, and that bleeds into our everyday lives as well.

If the most badass and brave thing your idols can do is to be sincere, then eventually, you'll probably feel that way too. It makes sense - sincerity is vulnerable. Choosing to be deliberately honest and emotional when you have no expectation to be is a powerful thing. At least, to most of us it is.

While this is all happening, there's an entire generation of people who are still experiencing the world like when happy days was airing.

Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Rachel Ray.......whatever other bullshit they put on TV, all of it begins to make more sense when you focus on their target audience - the middle aged and elderly.

Yes, really. Think of who you know in real life who absolutely loved The Big Bang Theory.

I mean, come on. This image makes me sad, dude.

Humor me for a moment. let's just run with my theory and say middle-aged and older people are all walking around as if everyone is always telling the truth to them.

Is it really that surprising that Dr. Oz was/is?? as successful as he was? As it turns out, believing everything to be true until proven otherwise is incredibly dangerous when applied to medical practice!

While we were growing up, the middle aged and elderly were spending their time being constantly self-absorbed and, just, unapologetically themselves. Which doesn't sound bad in theory, but it's really not as straightforward as it sounds.

3. Boomer-Meta And Why It Matters

So boomers are gullible. the sky is blue. why should you care

The point to all this is that authenticity is very important to modern society, and the difference of what authenticity means and how it's expressed matter drastically when understanding each other is vital.

Boomers were raised to always be genuine. If one believes themself to always be truthful, that lends to forming a bias in their own favor. And breaking the mentality down further, "I always say what I mean and I mean what I say" implies that what was said is what is true. And further, someone changing their "story" is an indicator of deception.

I've met plenty of older generation people who act like sharing their opinion is a gift in and of itself i.e. unwarranted comments on cooking or food, interjected advice about the conversation subject. Similarly, questions about the validity of a statement seem to often be taken as questioning ones morals.

This personal bias is very apparent in interpersonal situations. An attempt to be more genuine with someone who thinks this way would come across as staged and more insincere, and conversely, speaking with a clear bias appears superficial and ignorant.

But the real conflict is how this affects our news and politics. A core misunderstanding of what sincerity is and what it looks like, from either side, is dooms any conversation before it ever begins.

The lack of literacy in each other's values adds so much unnecessary conflict into already divisive matters. The stagnation in the legal progress of important social issues is probably worsened with so many of the US lawmakers being elderly themselves.

I don't have a great way to end this thing, but thanks for reading my weird essay.

The slow realization that a misunderstanding could be at the center of most major political conflict in the US consumed me for like 12 hours today and I appreciate you taking time to read my ramblings.

[baladric]

mmm i love how applying for jobs properly ends up being a full-time fucking job itself

[before-it-felt-like-a-sin]

I hate writing essays.

[imblocking-you]

Puna na 'yung tags nung isang post sa this is the second one lmao. 3 AM NA JUSQ

[blitzyn]

relax

alhaitham x m!reader

Request: well, since requests are open, perhaps I could request an alhaitham X male s/o where s/o has been really stressed lately with school and has been overworking himself. Because of this, alhaitham being the caring boyfriend he is comes to comfort and relax his beloved s/o with sex and aftercare. If possible, pls let alhaitham call his s/o a 'good boy' and just a praise kink in general, tysm!! 💕 — @ezraelo

a/n -> this mf reminds me of my dad so i kinda wrote what I think he'd say if i was in reader's situation tbh. NOT THE SEX THOUGH. anyways pgr fic first then hate sex w/childe next its been decades since I've done him (⁠｡⁠♡⁠‿⁠♡⁠｡⁠) sigh sometimes i forget i don’t have to write so damn much

wc -> 3.6k

cw -> soft alhaitham (heart eyes pt2), anal fingering, anal sex, praise, not beta read

merry christmas and happy holidays!!

To say you were tired was an understatement—you were exhausted. Stressed. Angry. It felt like everything that could go wrong did go wrong.

First, you accidentally woke up late, was scolded by your teacher when you arrived and made the "perfect" example on what a scholar from the Akademiya should not be. Then you had to study for several hours for a few of your upcoming exams and evaluations—all while having to take some more tests the following week.

And as if that wasn't e-fucking-nough, you had done horribly on one of your essays so now you had to redo it for a better score, on top of needing to start yet another one regarding... Something. You forgot what the prompt was. Honestly, you forgot to do a lot of things. Like eat. Or drink water. Which was something that really didn't help to improve your mood.

You stumbled through the door trying to pry your uniform off, haphazardly tossing your hat to the side. You felt like shit and wanted nothing more than to flop on your bed and stay in there for the rest of your miserable life. But, like the universe was trying to give you the biggest middle finger ever, one of the loops on your clothes got caught on the corner of a counter. While you'd normally just take it off and go on your merry way, you weren't having it today and just yanked yourself forward, tearing the loop and the fabric it was connected to.

Finally making it to your room, you flopped on the bed face-first, muffling the loud groan that came from you. You stayed like that for a moment longer before turning your head, remembering to breathe deeply.

Two knocks came from the door. "You okay?" Your boyfriend, Alhaitham, asked, leaning against the frame as he stared at you.

"You're smart. Figure it out yourself," you muttered bitterly, wincing at the accusatory tone in your voice. You sighed, deciding to face him. "Sorry."

He shrugged, walking to sit on the edge of your shared bed. "What's wrong?" He questioned, his expression unchanging even when he watched your brows furrow in irritation.

"It's just... Ugh," you grumbled, rolling your eyes childishly. "Just a bad week. It feels like everything's going against me." You rolled onto your back, arms and legs sprawled out like a starfish. "I don't think I can catch up."

"You're in the Akademiya," Alhaitham said, giving you a look that made it seem like he didn't know why you were complaining. "Obviously it's going to be hard for you."

"'For you,'" you repeated, glaring at nothing in particular, but it was getting increasingly evident that you were beginning to direct your anger towards him. "Of course you don't get it. You've been smart your whole life."

He was quiet for a moment, letting you try to calm yourself before speaking again. "Don't sell yourself short like that. It's unhealthy."

You huffed. "It's not selling myself short if it's actually true." You pressed your palms against your eyes until you saw faint fireworks coloring the darkness. "I have to redo an essay because apparently it didn't go with damn prompt. Then I have to do another one, and I don't even know where to start, and—" you listed off your problems, your voice getting higher in pitch until you were on the verge of shedding tears, overwhelmed with the sheer amount of work you accidentally accumulated.

"Hey," he interrupted you, leaning to place a hand on your thigh. "Calm down." He gave you an unimpressed look when you snapped your mouth open to retort, watching you begrudgingly close it in defeat. "Breathe. You're getting worked up over things you can change."

But when you could hardly focus on utilizing the breathing techniques he taught you, he decided to take a different approach. "Let's have sex, then."

"What? Why? 'Cause of the post-nut clarity?" You sighed, rubbing your temple to stave off the impending headache after staring at him incredulously. Damn. Sometimes you forget how straightforward he could be.

Alhaitham gave you a look. It was deadpan—because when was it not?—but you could still sense the slightest bit of confusion. "If that's how you want to word it, yes," he said, before elaborating. "Sex can also help you relax and improve your immune system."

He quickly looked you up and down, and despite not saying anything, you knew what he was trying to imply. You looked like a mess.

"It can also help improve your quality of sleep," he added, crossing his arms against his chest. "It has a few other benefits than just feeling good, you know." He watched you ponder his suggestion, chewing on your lip absentmindedly before giving in with a sigh.

"Fine. But you're doing all the work," you said, propping yourself up on your elbows to look at him better.

"That was the plan." The corners of his lips quirked up in a brief, subtle smirk as he leaned to place his hands on your shoulders to gently push you back down. "Just relax."

He continued when you nodded, running his hands along your body, gently caressing every curve and contour of your frame. An eyebrow raised in question when he felt the torn patch in your clothes but decided against mentioning it as he guided you out of your suffocating uniform with practiced ease. Already, you seemed a bit calmer than earlier, giving yourself a well-deserved stretch that made you remind him of a cat.

You felt the tension beginning to seep out of your body with every article of clothing that was carelessly tossed to the floor, reaching your hands out to tug him closer. He obliged without hesitation, sighing in satisfaction when he melded his lips with yours. His hands slid below your underclothes, snaking them upwards until they found your chest. He tweaked and pinched your nipples as he moved his way downwards, placing kisses along your jawline and neck.

You softly moaned, brushing your fingers through his hair that had him leaning into your hand. He removed your shirt, trailing appreciative kisses down your sternum. A hand made its way down your front toward your pants, slipping a hand inside to wrap his fingers around your flaccid dick. Your breath hitched, instinctively widening your legs to give him better access, much to his pleasure.

He was gentle; his hands were soft and careful, and neither of you were in a rush. You felt your eyes flutter shut as your lips parted with every quiet gasp and sigh that left you, and he couldn't help but stare.

It annoyed him how little you thought of yourself when he could clearly see you as something more. Sure, it irked him how you complained about things that could easily be changed if you put your effort into it, but you were also right. He always had it academically easy and often found it hard to connect with others or understand their problems on a level that wasn't with you. He was well aware of this issue, knowing that it often hindered his ability to comfort, and—for the first time in how long?—it frustrated him.

Even if he had no idea how to properly soften his words around you or to consistently change his facial expressions, he always showed he cared by spending time with you, teaching you new things, or helping you understand foreign concepts. But even then, he was willing to try to tell you that you were more than what those pompous Akademiya professors reduced you to, that you were better than what you said you were.

"Look at me," he said, his voice soft and smooth, coaxing your pretty eyes open. He slipped his hands out of your shirt and cupped your cheeks tenderly, ensuring your focus on him. "It doesn't matter what everyone says about you when they don't understand that you have strengths that rest beyond the traditional Akademiya expectations."

"But that doesn't—"

He gave you yet another stern look, to which you quieted down with a huff. "It's okay to struggle. Everyone does at some point. Even those professors found something difficult before they became what they are. But you know what they did?"

He paused, gauging your reaction. He was aware that what he was saying probably didn't make you feel better or make the most sense, but he hoped that you could feel the sincerity in his voice. "They took a step back, took a deep breath, and figured out what they were doing wrong. They didn't do that overnight or by working themselves to the bone. That's what you need to acknowledge."

"But all my other colleagues are doing fine, and I'm the only one struggling..." You appreciated his words, truly, but they did little to quell your worries.

"Are you? How do you know that for sure?" He countered, sliding his hands down to caress your hips. He watched you pursed your lips, squirming slightly under his gaze. "Point is, you shouldn't try to compare yourself to everyone around you and overwork yourself because that only leads to bad work and a bigger hole for you to climb out of. You have everything else to be proud of—not just your academic qualities. Understand? Besides, you made it into the Akademiya. That's something very few people can do in the first place."

You looked away with a frown, but you nodded softly. Even though it sucked knowing that you weren't the best, he did have a point. Wallowing in your own failure did nothing to better yourself, as much as you hated to admit it.

"Thanks," you muttered, sniffling a little. His thumbs swiped underneath your eyes, clearing away any of the tears that happened to escape you.

"Don't let them define you. Define yourself," he said finally, leaning back down to kiss you again. It was soft, tender, unhurried, like he wanted you to feel every ounce of affection he harbored for you. He pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against yours. "Do you still want to do this?"

You nodded again, giving him a quick peck to the lips before wrapping your arms around his shoulders. "Mhm. I really need those benefits." Plus, you didn't favor being horny and sad.

Your lips curved in a smug grin when you saw his own quirk upwards in amusement, but he didn't comment on it. He sat up to tug your pants and underwear down, revealing your semi-hard cock. You shivered instinctively but kept your focus on him, waiting in anticipation for him to continue.

He leaned over to grab a bottle of lube from your nightstand, squeezing a generous amount on his fingers before pressing one into your hole. You sighed, sinking your teeth into your lower lip. He only offered a few pumps of his hand before adding a second one in, gently spreading them apart in a scissoring motion.

He wrapped his free hand around your cock, slowly jerking you off. He rubbed his thumb over the tip to smear the precum across your skin as wet sounds gradually filled the room. You noticed his eyes locked on your face and the expressions you wore, committing them to memory. He added a third finger for good measure, feeling you tense reflexively before relaxing just as fast.

"You're doing so good, [Name]," he praised, his voice low. He curled his fingers, pressing them against your prostate. He could feel his cock twitch in his pants at the sound of your moan, straining against the fabric. "I'm almost done. Then we can start."

You nodded, inhaling sharply through your nose when he began targeting the sensitive spot inside you. You could practically feel every surge of heat shoot up and down your spine, ending at your fingertips. Alhaitham could feel it too, every time your cock throbbed in his hold.

Your body felt warm and tingly when he moved both hands away from your body, wiping them off using a few tissues atop your nightstand. He grabbed the lube again and poured some on his palm to coat his cock, using his free hand to spread one of your thighs a bit wider. He peered up through his lashes, subtly raising an eyebrow in question. He continued as soon as you nodded, slowly pushing himself inside you.

You both let out a satisfied groan as he filled you, grasping onto his wrists as he held onto your hips.

"Fuck," he hissed, pushing further until he bottomed out completely. "You're such a good boy. You're taking me in so well." He perked up in attention when he felt you tighten at his words, noting how your eyes fluttered shut like you were savoring them. He wasn't overly aware of this newfound information, but maybe you had accidentally brought it to his attention now that you're stressed?

Either way, he didn’t comment on it, instead deciding to continue. “You feel so good, [Name]," he praised, leaning down to press his lips against the skin underneath your earlobe. You could feel the low rumble of his voice vibrating in your ear, sending shivers down your spine. He let you take a moment to adjust to him before moving, gently thrusting his hips.

You noticed him moving away again as you opened your eyes, finding yourself enamored with the way his muscles flexed in every movement of his. Soft gasps and moans left your lips when you looked up, instantly noticing his gaze on you.

“Stop staring at me,” you mumbled shyly, squirming a bit. It wasn’t that you hated having him look at you—frankly, that’s all you longed for sometimes, it’s just that what you did hit you. Being as vulnerable as you were wasn’t something you preferred, even when Alhaitham didn’t berate you for it.

“You were staring at me, first,” he countered swiftly, and you could hear the rare undertone of his amusement in his voice. It was your favorite sound. “Besides, what’s the harm in looking at the most handsome man in Sumeru?” His monotony nearly made his words laughable, but you could see that he was genuinely trying. Knowing that sent butterflies in your stomach all over again.

You looked away, effectively flustered with all his attention. “It’s embarrassing…”

“Only because you make it embarrassing,” he said, sliding a hand upwards to toy with one of your nipples. He subtly shifted his hips, angling them so that his cock better pressed against your prostate. He watched you intently when you let out a throaty moan, feeling his dick throb inside you.

You reflexively clenched your thighs tighter against his hips, sinking your teeth into your lower lip. You snaked a hand down to your leaking cock, wrapping your fingers around the base to give it a squeeze. “You can go faster,” you muttered, looking down to watch the way he slid in and out of you.

He nodded with a quiet hum, adjusting his grip on your waist to shift the weight on his knees to sacrifice his slower, deeper thrusts for quick and shallow ones. Moaning, you jerked yourself off in time with his movements, unable to tear your gaze away from him, even for a moment. Your eyebrows furrowed in concentration as you brought your free hand up to bring him closer to you by the back of his head. You kissed him needily and fervently, letting out noises that mixed in with the wet sounds that came from your hole. Your body rocked gently, listening intently to the rustling of your bedsheets and Alhaitham’s deep, husky breaths.

Suddenly, he lifted a hand up to place over your abdomen, lightly pushing down on it just as he buried himself balls deep inside you. He paused for a moment, sighing as he watched you squirm at the sudden stop before continuing, feeling himself move in and out of you. You could feel the heat in your belly intensifying with every thrust to your prostate, back arching, legs tightening around his waist.

“Fuck, I’m…” you panted, clenching tighter around his cock. “I’m so close, ‘Haitham.”

“I know. I can feel you,” he said, gently moving your hand away from your leaking cock to wrap his fingers around it. Quiet slaps mixed in with your soft noises and his breathy grunts as he fucked you a bit harder, eyes fixated on the blissful expression on in your face. His dick throbbed inside you as he eagerly chased after his own orgasm, leaning down to press his lips to your jaw, kissing up towards your ear.

“C’mon, [Name], cum for me,” he whispered, sending yet another wave of heat shoot up and down your spine. You could hardly stop the stream of moans that spilled from your lips as he focused on the tip of your cock, rubbing his thumb on the sensitive spot just below it, as if trying to coax out your cum.

“Oh god,” your voice was strained as you felt the coil in your stomach tighten to an unbearable degree, trying to hold out just a little longer. “F—Fuck! Alhaitham!” You moaned in ecstasy when you finally came, squeezing your eyes tightly shut. You tensed and trembled as your dick spurt cum on your stomach and his fingers as he helped you ride out your high.

“You’re so beautiful when you orgasm,” he groaned, his thrusts beginning to lose rhythm as he neared his own climax. He dug his fingers into your waist tighter, muttering praises into your ear when you began squirming at the discomfort of your overstimulation. It didn’t take much longer for him to finish as he stilled, gritting his teeth when he quickly pulled out to stroke himself to completion. He sighed in satisfaction when his orgasm subsided, leaving your abdomen coated in ropes of his cum.

“Wh—Why did you pull out?” You panted, wiping a bead of sweat off of your forehead.

“Isn’t it annoying to clean up afterward? You're always complaining about it whenever we have sex,” he questioned after a moment, taking a second to bask in the afterglow before getting up to reach for a tissue to clean your skin. He put his pants back on, gathering your clothes to put them in a laundry basket.

You shrugged. “I mean, sometimes. But I’m gonna take a bath either way.” You blinked in confusion when you saw him quirk a brow, fidgeting a bit when he didn’t stop staring at you.

“No. You’re going to sit and wait here while I make you something to eat, first,” he instructed, leaving no room for negotiation. “Afterwards, you’re going to go to sleep. Then you can take a bath when you wake up.”

As if on cue, your stomach growled audibly, quickly reminding you that you haven't eaten anything since yesterday. "But then I'm gonna be all sticky and gross when I eat," you said, knowing how much he disliked having dirty bedsheets for too long. It surprised you when he shrugged, leaning against the doorframe as he waited for you to decide.

"If you want to take a bath first, then I'll help you," he offered. You swiftly nodded, wanting to eat clean and comfortably. He nodded and told you to wait for a moment as he prepared the water for you, leaving you by yourself for a while until he returned. The two of you walked into the bathroom where a bathtub of warm water awaited you. But just as you raised your leg to enter, a sudden wave of dizziness overcame you. Luckily, Alhaitham was there to keep you from falling with a firm hand on your arm, carefully helping you into the water.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his eyes darting across your face for any sign of distress. He relaxed upon seeing nothing but waited for your response for further confirmation.

"Yeah. It's just something that happens when I get too hungry, y'know?" You explained sheepishly, splashing some of the water onto your arms and back.

"No, I don't know." He ignored the way you rolled your eyes. "I'll be right back, then."

You hummed to yourself, not minding his absence as you savored the warmth surrounding you, resting your head against the edge of the tub. You nearly fell asleep in the time it took for Alhaitham to return, jumping in surprise at the sound of his voice.

"Hey," he spoke, returning to your side with a bowl in his hand. "Eat this for now."

He kneeled down, bringing the bowl close enough to let you reach in and take whatever was inside. They were fruits, you saw as you happily grabbed one, tossing it into your mouth. You had to stop yourself from grabbing a handful and eating it all in one go, forcing yourself to appreciate every bite. You noticed him shifting behind you, leaning forward instinctively when he began cleaning your back with a small, wet towel.

The two of you basked in the comforting silence for a while as you let him take care of you until you turned your head to face him. "I love you," you said with a little grin.

"I know," he replied, putting the bowl onto the floor.

"Say it back." You pouted, but you knew he was only teasing.

His mouth quirked up in a faint smile, leaning forward to give you a quick peck on your lips. "I love you too."

[mourninglamby]

i really cannot wait for the day someone makes a genuinely intensive and compelling video essay on dream smp as a story and how that story functioned. sure, a few people come close, but most videos on youtube "looking back" on dsmp are mostly... surface level? and from people who, while may have been invested, were not as deep in the fandom trenches (cough loretwt) i appreciate those videos for what they are, primarily light hearted recap videos. but man... i dunno. i feel the need for someone to really express my thoughts on a larger scale and confirm that im like, not the only one i guess? who thinks about it that way? i think it deserves to be taken and analyzed seriously. which sounds stupid but i dont think it should be.

bottom line, youve put words to a lot of feelings i struggled to express. part of me is even hesitant to ask for a video like this because i feel very adamant that its made by The Right Person. eventually one of us is probably just gonna end up doing it ourselves 😭

Ugh… anon you have no idea how truly validating this is … I agree. I get physically sick sometimes seeing those videos in my recommended. They never get into the meat of why specifically the STORY and the type of fandom it spawned was harmful, which surprises me because there’s more than enough evidence in dsmp of them being fucking sickos! It would do nothing but strengthen their arguments against the content creators behind it like Will and dream, simply from the fact that the ending was so horrific. Like it or not, the narrative of dsmp communicated values the real people have, using rhetoric and pre-existing bias’. They wrote what they knew- not my fault it was abuse apologism! Now study it !!!!!!!!

Anyway …my friends and I have actually be working on a giant essay based on another anon, but I’d love to do a video essay one day.

[my-castles-crumbling]

cas review of ttpd?

Ah yes! I am finally ready!

Cas's Review of TTPD that Two (2) People Asked For (so now you all get a fucking essay)

Literally, this is growing to be one of my favorite albums. Like...I appreciate Taylor most for her lyrics and I wrote down seven pages of them in my notebook of lyrics that fucking killed me. I feel like it's a more mature version of folklore, which is exactly what I was hoping for.

I really liked the promo for this album- the lyrics being spread, the phases of grief, the entire thing was so well-done. And the double album drop left me literally screaming.

I feel like the order of the songs on the album is also super well thought out. It really tells a story and I could feel her going through the phases, especially in the first half of the album.

I thought it was cool that she definitely took some risks in the album, but most of them landed 1000%. So many of the cool things done with the lyrics, melody, and tempo were amazing and kept me interested.

I'm gonna start by listing the more specific things I didn't like because there's only three:

In the song "Fresh Out The Slammer" during the outro, the change in beat was very jarring. I LOVED the rest of the song and it just ruined it for me

Florida!!! was...a choice. I get it. The concept of going away somewhere after a breakup to get over it is great. But Florida? Like...c'mon. Also "fuck me up Florida" made me cringe.

The line in "I Hate It Here" about racists...god, I have two minds about it. I don't think there was winning with that one, and I think people are going to tear her apart for it without taking it in context. Like when you take it in the bigger picture of the song, it makes sense. But when you take it in just the few lines...it feels a bit like it's trivializing the fact that literal slavery existed during that time? So yeah. I go back and forth...

And now a song ranking and my feelings about some of the songs:

Guilty As Sin? - This song has been in my head ever since I heard it. It's perfect, it's everything.

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - This is giving DBATC (favorite taylor song) vibes and I am so in love. It destroyed me.

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? - This is an ANTHEM. This will be screamed in the shower. This is so powerful.

But Daddy I Love Him - This was just so nostalgic. Like it gave Fearless Taylor and I loved it so much. Also the jumpscare fucking SHOOK me.

So Long, London - This was like a companion to You're Losing Me and god, it was amazingly hurtful.

loml - I just love slow, sad Taylor. and the twist at the end? ugh

I Hate It Here - Questionable line aside, this song was 15/10 relatable as a fanfic reader/writer

imgonnagetyouback - I feel like this will be a single.

The Prophecy - ouch

The Alchemy - Awww, so cute!

I Look In People's Windows

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

The Albatross

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - god she CAME for this man.

The Black Dog

Down Bad - I also feel like this will be a single

Fresh Out the Slammer

How Did It End?

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

TTPD

Cassandra - hahahaha whoops, we're coming for Kim again?

thanK you aIMee - and again? that line about her mom was AMAZING

So High School - adorable

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

Fortnight - she and Post Malone work so well together

The Bolter

The Manuscript

Peter

Robin

Clara Bow

Florida!!

What do you all think?

[love-kurdt]

What are your all time favourite fanfics from each genre: fluff, smut, and agnst? <3

oh lord, this is TOUGH. i’ve read thousands of fanfics in my life and it’s borderline impossible for me to choose 😭

i can’t rlly separate them into genres per se bc most of them are multi chapter novel-length fics, but i will if applicable!

i’m not a huge fan of condensing entire works into a single word!!! authors work too hard for their writing to be trope-ified like that! so if any of the writers come across this post, please know that i would write fucking essays about these fics if y’all asked.

and one last disclaimer: i’m currently on my phone with limited cell service in europe and can’t jump between tabs to check peoples’ separate tumblr and ao3 usernames, so i’ve tagged who i know off the top of my head!!

so here are my top 10 (in no particular order, just listing what comes to mind first)

“in the sun” (kurt cobain x OC) by ugh-nirvana on wattpad. it has been my favorite fanfiction of all fucking time; i read this at least once a year. primarily fluff and angst, but it follows the OC and kurt through high school and into adulthood. the author and i are actually friends now bc we wrote two of the most popular kurt cobain x OC fics on wattpad 😭🖤

“the windows of this love” (byler angst) by delusional together (Whyyyyy) on ao3. phenomenal story, i cry every time i read it, and i’ve read it so many times it’s kind of a problem lmaooo. it was also one of my inspirations for TIMT.

“that blue gibson” (dave grohl x OC) by thatbluegibson on wattpad. a literal masterpiece. cute, romantic, fluffy, spicy, all of the above.

“the rawest desire (in it’s friendliest form)” (byler smut) by bangingbiddies on ao3. they have a very apropos username; this fic had me slamming my laptop shut multiple times and screaming at my cat. probably the best smut i’ve read tbh.

“i’m a wreck (without you here)” (byler angst) by @oldfashionedmorphine on ao3. INSANE. BEAUTIFUL. LYRICAL. i cannot praise this story highly enough, it’s one of my favorite byler fics of all time. alcoholic mike wheeler is my favorite mike wheeler ngl.

“second chances and dances” (byler angst/fluff) by @foodiewithdahoodie on ao3!!!! i’m a huge sucker for dad mike fics, and this one is *chefs kiss*

“lost without you” (byler angst/fluff) by julia_skysong on ao3. another dad mike fic i actually just finished for the 3rd fucking time in the past 6 months. i recommend reading this whole series, it’s so well written (and is still being written!!).

“fence sitter” (byler smut) by pinkcash on ao3. exactly what the title suggests. sensually spicy and severely suspenseful.

“boy in my class [gerard way]” by lilyrose93 on wattpad. it’s a gerard way x OC. very cute, very cliche, but if you’re looking for ✨fluff✨, this is it. and listen, i know writing about real people who are still alive is kinda weird but like… this one is serious, ok??? 💀

“tell me i’m a bad man” by therevengeparade on wattpad. along the same lines as the one before this— it’s teacher/student frerard. very messy, very smutty, top tier drama. if it helps at all, this was probably my initiation to gay fanfic. so… thanks therevengeparade!!! love u!!!

-

happy reading, friends 🥰🖤✨

[vsyrworld]

get to know my favorite driver's ship

this was made by me and for me and i wrote fanfic about them!!!

(fyi; i started watching f1 in 2015 so ofc you guys KNOW what my FIRST and ULTIMATE ship)

(older f1 ships: )

Brocedes :D (childhood friends, teammates, rivals, anything but a lover - crofty 2021)

OH COME ON. I will write an essay about their history. BUT ANYWAY, despite their toxic year in 2015/2016, I still adore how young nico and lewis friendship or whatever they had in Greece back then and I still keep this ship alive until the 2021 season. Their battle on the track was BEYOND TOXIC, yet their battle off the track (media drama) is HILLAARIOUS. How come Lewis accidentally spills out, the name that shouldn't be spoken for Half of DECADE. God both of them are dramas king. NICO PODCAST omg the talk with Alain prost and they compared his vs Senna battle with HIS AND Lewis's battle PLUS when Nico's storytelling his "friendship" history in ITALY at the SPONSOR EVENTS *CRIED* and lewis always mentioned how he loves ice cream and do cheating day in imola and monza BECAUSE IT WAS NICO WHO INTRODUCE THE FOOD THERE. ugh I hate and love them at the same time. (I do include some Seb/NICO too because I like see Lewis getting rilled up)

2. Kimi and Seb (I ADORE THIS A LOT)

my calm and serenity wise iconic ferrari couple. I feel like Kimi was the rock ice and water for Seb to prevent him from burnout because of ferrari. during 2017-2018, Seb pushed hard (same like Charles) and yet the car reliability fuck his championship standing. and kimi (--kimi was the last ferrari champion hiks) kimi just so attentive to seb and I genuinely like both of them being rebels to whole ferrari tradition (like they don't do rollercoaster thingy, they DON'T master Italian, they just become their self and being so comfortable in their own bubble, fuck world). I had noticed also Seb (and Gio) is the only teammate that can make Kimi laugh. I just super super adore them!

3. Maxiel (TRADITIONALSHIP! I REFUSE OTHER SHIP FOR MAX BESIDE DANIEL. I REFUSE!)

ugh should I explain them? THE CHAOTIC GAYEST ENERGY IN WHOLEEE 2016 GRIDS COME ON. I love how Daniel basically took young rookie Max under his arm and just had fun on and off the track with It? The biggest flop was when Max was just so hotheaded and they crashed in Baku. I thought their relationship gonna be stranded but GUESS WHAT? MAXIEL IS STILL ALIVE UNTIL NOW HELLO? and their relationship is so real not only for the camera but also out the camera. The other highlight moment is when Max is already 'too big' daniel really steps down from RBR because he knows, Max will outshine him, and he knows (what he learned from brocedes too) that it's better to go the other way.

(newer)

4. Dando (COMFORT SHIIP Not romantically also)

I thought daniel was max soulmate but LANDO excuse me? They can share daniel If they want. i just love how lando becomes so silly and blushes like school teenager around Daniel. i love how they INFLUENCE each other. I think because I feel nostalgic with them because they really similar with Maxiel in 2017 era, just one season before Daniel goes to renault, Maxiel was strained on thin paper. Dando other hands, well Daniel mostly, struggled in McLaren (with the papaya fans also still adore Carlos that time and refuse to let go him) plus Lando was shining bright just like Max 2016. Again, daniel he stepped OUT (this time). I guess, that similarity made me miss maxiel too.

5. last one C2 (Charlos) gosh, please!! ultimate!!!

loving and adoring them was expected though. It wasn't because they're both handsome (I already know Carlos was goofy ever since his Renault era so I never consider him as a handsome man) BUT DANG BOY, RED ON CARLOS WAS SOMETHING ELSE? RED ON CARLOS, BLACK ON CARLOS WAS SAKDAJSKDFHLKJSAFHKJAF.

-- okay back to the c2. It was a slow build okay? I realized that they are special during Carlos's first podium, Monaco 2021. Charles WAS LIKE ME. Blushing giggling, shy gazes toward Carlos. they are so endearing. Both of them are the victims of the Ferrari team. But I think they both understand each burden (Charles being the predestinated one, and Carlos had to prove his talent bcs he is a two times world champion son) plus, the way Ferrari screwed Charles in 2019. The team was cracked but with Carlos, I didn't expect this cursed team is heal :"D (Crying) and Charles become more relaxed, more enjoyed, even his coping mechanism is with laughter and Carlos just matches his energy. Idk , they gave me... a relationship through ups and downs.

and I realized there are so many people trying to pit them against each other, their fans are constantly arguing about who is the best and better driver, always dragging one of them down, but guess what is Carlos and Charles's response? it's completely differs from real life. They knew and fucking see it their fans tension. Carlos's anger to the Spanish media has already proven enough he had enough of these things. Charles also said in an interview that "what he saw about him and Carlos is nowhere true". they are the best PR relationship couple out there, but I also can see a genuine, how they know each other so weell. How Charles kept the football game updated just because of Carlos, how Carlos knows his favorite food, how they had their own internal jokes,

they are both soo lowkey on the camera during and outside the race. and I think that Is why people never hype them like carlando or everyone's favorite childhood rival to lovers lesttapen. And I thought they didn't really hang out with each other that much but WHAT WAS THAT SUMMER BREAK? HUH? YOU IN MALORCA AND WENT TO SOUTHERN FRENCH? What were the matching Instagram feeds color and aesthetic at New York? WHAT WAS THE THING ABOUT PASTA CARBONARA UN LUNGA NON PENNE? WHAT WAS THAT THING CHARLES SLEPT ON THE FLOOR just to accompany Carlos watching World Cup? The dolomites? The Sardinia?

there are soo many thing that they keep it so low-profile and under camera, and yet their conversation is so domestic.

[ivysangel]

HEAR ME OUT! MAFIA!JASON!!!

He looks like he would take such good care of his girl and spoil her 🥹

He would be so soft and rough with her in bed like... Urg

omg nonnie don’t jump me but i kinda…hate mafia au’s *runs away screaming* but prince of gotham jason is an exception bc that’s actually canon AND it doesn’t explicitly use the word mafia (bc…it’s such a turn off for me, actually wrote an entire essay on the negative effects of wattpad and the romanticization of ‘mafia’ relationships err but that’s besides the point)

anyways prince of gotham jason mmm so sexy, ugh clenching my legs together as i’m thinking about this. he’s rich and sexy and he’s paying for all of your stuff. like the motherfucker runs a casino and wears a 3 piece suit for shits and giggles ??? him bending you over one of the gambling tables and fucking you senseless before the casino opens like ??? i’m sick to my stomach over this i need him biblically.

[zedrine]

hii, can i request a sunny x reader? it's where reader is like. working on homeworks for 2 hours straight and they notice sunny wanting their attention silently so reader stops working on the homework, teases sunny for it, then gives him big kisses

i LIVE for touch starved sunny you don't know how much i adore this boy 💔💔💔

Z.4 — “an hour or so.”

PAIRINGS : SUNNY x Reader

WARNINGS : swearing (only a few tho :D)

DESC : already mentioned

NOTES : WIZHCBFEJDBFN UOURE SO REAL FOR THAG LAST SENTENCE … ALSO IM SORRY IF THIS CANE SO FUCJING LATE IM SO BUSY THESE DAYS WTH😭😭💔⁉️

Swoosh, swoosh, swish — clack, click, clack

Hours and an hour (from 10pm to 11pm), pages and pages, spilled ink and pencil shavings. If this wasn’t Hell, then, fuck, it doesn’t exist!

“UGH!” you exclaimed quite loudly, banging on the page-filled coffee table; something (like a black figure) flinched on your peripheral vision — for a moment there, you’d thought it was the Grim Reaper about to snatch your soul.

But as you quickly veered your head, your sore eyes softened at the sight of your boyfriend cowering away in fear, slightly trembling as he breathed deeply.

“Sunn, hey,” you hastily (yet quietly) crawled over to his side, kissing both his cheeks and nose, “I’m sorry, luv.”

SUNNY’d just woken up whilst MEWO snuggled against his chest, but still sleeping peacefully after the loud bang. “Sorry,” he whispers, eyes closed as he leans on your hand caressing his cheek, “w-what time is it?”

“Eleven pm, but don’t worry — I’ll be finishing soon,” you grinned, kissing his forehead next. He sighed, both in frustration and relief from your touch, “That’s what you said, thrice, forty minutes ago.”

You chuckled, “Yeah, yeah, sorry,” you scratched MEWO’s chin, making her stretch by instinct. “Just… two more assignments, then I’m done. I promise.”

He only looked down at MEWO as she shifts her position, hinting that he, surprisingly, was sulking. ‘Cept you were too drained (or stupid?) to realize it.

You then crawled back to your laptop; one hand typing some essay, then switching tabs to a presentation slide, while the other hand wrote down answers on multiple booklets at once. Yikes.

But, even after all these tasks, you felt a sense of uncomfort.

And that’s when you finally turned your head back to SUNNY, who was looking straight at you, seeping into your overworked soul. With no emotion displayed.

You stared right back at him — any other person would’ve mistook him for being a creep, but you saw his eyes. They were.. strangely glossy; full of tears on the verge of overflowing. “Sunn,” you called.

He stayed unresponsive. Instead, he looked down, fidgeting with MEWO’s droopy paws — like a behaved child, waiting for his sister. Lover.

“Yes?” he responded, finally, but in a stern tone. His voice showed no quivering, but he seemed as if he’d shatter upon a single gush of wind.

You sighed — you knew this night wasn’t going to be easy, especially when you have a clingy boyfriend; “I love you,” you said, “I–”

We all know how “I’ll be finishing soon” would end up like.

It was silent for a moment or two, until you finally stood up — but SUNNY stayed silent. “Hunny,” you called, reaching out your palm to him, which he reluctantly holds. But his head was still lowered.

You placed two fingers on his chin, “Look uuupp!~” you said in a singsong tone — which made him grumble, and you a soft chuckle. “Look,” you placed your hands on his drooped shoulders, then sighed, “I’ll stop now.”

He jolted his head up, shocked, “But..” he hesitated as he spoke lowly, hands fidgeting with one another, “what about your projects??”

“Nah,” you shrugged, “fuck them. I’ll finish them tomorrow.” You cupped his face with both hands, kissing his face from all directions as he giggles softly from the affection.

“Mmh!- Stop!-” He grumbled between laughs.

You booped his blushed nose, “Aww, look! You’re blushing!~” He shut his eyes closed tight to stop you from attacking his face any further, “N-No, I’m not!”

“Heh”, you chuckled. “Get the bed ready,” you kissed his forehead again, tousling his locks. “I’ll clean things up here.”

[flowerandblood]

Make your mutuals smile 💐

Write what you love about them and why, or just praise them, share your favorite memories or chats. In the times when everyone get so much underserved hate from anons let's spread some warm feelings.

@ewanmitchellcrumbs - Ange, you're the most warm, understanding, caring person I know here. I know that sometimes you feel like your mutuals don't give in return as much as they could and you're right, but know how much you're appreciated. You're not only talented writer that can write almost EVERTYHING but your knowledge about Ewan and fandom is soooo big, I love to read your answers to asks! You feed this fandom so well, without you it wouldn't be the same.

@zenka69 - You're with me from the very beginning, supportive and caring, my sweet polish friend! Thanks to you I wanted to write more of the "My Best Friend" and well, I wrote so many fics from then on and you're still with me!!!

@sagelovesreading - My sweet friend, our talks on priv warms my heart as much as your comments. I love to talk to you, you're so sweet, gentle person, I love how emotionally you're approaching my works, and I'm so happy that you have to courage to write to me!!!!

@valeskafics - You're so sweet, self conscious person, so talented and funny, I love you with all my heart! Love to read your fics and your answers, you're hilarious but so supportive too, your reblogs makes my heart melt and I always wait for them!

@barbieaemond - You're so fuckin talented, your gifs are just chef's kiss, but your Red Bird is soooo good already! I know that you get couple of mean anons but fuck them, I love how you wirite Aemond, I love that you decide to write OC and not normal "reader" even if people prefer the second more because it feels like YOUR story and I want to read it even more because of that.

@targaryenrealnessdarling - I would have to write an essay about how talented you are, literally everything you write makes me feral, you're so kind, so good, so funny, you writes your characters so well and don't afraid to show really dark Aemond even when some of people would be whining about it.

@asumofwords - We don't know each other at all but well I LOVE YOU OKAY you're the best writer here, I read everything you update and it's always SO GOOD, you write your characters, scenes and emotions so well, you are so funny and bitchy, don't give a shit about weird or mean asks, I want to be like you!!!

@echos-muses - Echo I loveee youuuu, I love your reblogs and comments, often makes me laugh so hard, love our chats in reblogs on more mature topics too, so good to have here person like you too.

@happinessinthebeing - Your comments and ask makes my heart melt, you're so sweet and caring, love to talk to you and read all you're writing to me, I would hug you if I could!!!!

@oneeyedvisenya - I'm so grateful that I found your fics and then saw that you had reblogged some of my works. Literally it was one of the happiest things that happened to me here because I love your works so much and it meant so much to me! Waiting for your new works!!!!

@theoneeyedprince - Justine, my fellow polish girl, I love you so much and our little talks, I love how we are supportive to each other! This is so great to have here someone from my own country how writes so we'll, I would love some new modern series from you, hihi.

@aemondx - I love your gifs so much and I'm so happy that you liked my HP series! Makes my blush ughhhh!!! So talented!!!!

@notnormalthings-blog - I love you and your reblogs so much, you make me laugh so hard, I just can't, always waiting for your reactions and gifs!!!!

@persephonelovesbooks - I love you so much, you're with me from the earliest times of my writing, always so supportive, ugh, I can't say how much I enjoy interacting with you!

@aemondsmoon - You make me so happy with your reblogs and reactions, you're so sweet and kind, just ughhh, I hope that after my return to Poland I will have a time to read some of your fics!!!!!!!

I would write like that for on and one, but here so honorable mentions of people I just love for they comments, reactions, support. You make my day better guys! I'm sorry if I didn't mention someone, I love all you people, interacting or not!!!

@melsunshine @immyowndefender @bellaisasleep @ammo23 @chainsawsangel @letmeloveyouuuu @hiatuswhore

You don have to reblog or tag anyone, just I want you to let you know that I love you guys! You can share it and reblogs if you want of course, kisses! 💋💋💋

[feelingpure]

hawk meeting tim just in time is just a storytelling decision, the point is just for us as the audience to see them meeting then and there.

but i wouldn't characterize hawk as soft(ening) at all, i think he is aware of his feelings for tim (the letter dictation), but because of homophobia, the regular one and internalized lol, he's dealing with that badly, and subsequently extending that to how he treats tim. bc first of all, it's a big deal overall to find yourself falling in love with someone, regardless of sexuality and gender, i think there's a little bit of mundane relationship drama in there, but on top of that, the homophobia of the 50s, and hawk never having had that kind of relationship before, as the first scene with that random blonde guy establishes, he's used to fucking a guy and leaving, but now he's developing a meaningful something with tim, no matter how much he resists admitting it (to himself, let alone tim). I do think he was genuinely affected by tim being upset bc of the birthday, but also he can never outright apologize and show remorse and make up for his mistakes.

I wrote another Fellow Travelers essay.

Under the cut.

I understand it could just be that, but I'm just going off of how it seemed to me. Could be interpreted different ways tbh, like maybe that's Hawk's way of being 'romantic', by making it seem so spontaneous.

He's definitely aware of his feelings, the letter dictation scene is a v good example of that. The fact he says "I fell for you...", and all the rest, while his eyes are flitting between the paper and Tim.

But of course, for all the reasons you mention (and the conflict of wanting to secure his own financial future/freedom via Lucy's family), he refuses to confront it himself, never mind explicitly admitting it out loud. And it's clear that he is far from being ready to do that yet, which makes Tim's plea via singing so so painful.

"You won't admit you love me, and so, how am I ever to know... A million times I ask you. And then, I ask you over again... So if you really love me, say yes. Or if you don't dear, confess..." 😭

Ugh, anyway. I keep going back and forth about Hawk. But I feel like he's meant to be much harder to read on purpose, so I don't really have anything overt to cite as him being genuinely affected by the whole birthday thing (can only muse on his inner conflict regarding that).

Unlike Tim, who makes what he feels so clear and verbalises it; it's a lot easier for everyone to see and know he's hurt (and for me to get in his corner and want to yell at Hawk for causing it). And I'm sure my feelings will continue to fluctuate on both of them as the series goes on, and I'm sure that's the intention.

Sorry I took long to reply, been thinking, and also knew I'd spend ages typing back a long ass answer myself! 😆 There's so much to say, but I feel like we agree on the actual crux of it all? Uhh, just don't ask me about that sex scene.

(Also re your other message to the inbox; it's fine and was comprehensible haha, from one rambler to another.)

[ughscara]

UGH YOUR LATEST REBLOG HAS ME <333 it’s so funny to think about, because Kuni finally has a way to control you when you’re all whiny and pouty without his attention. just dishes out this new paper and all of a sudden you’ve dove into a new topic you may not have heard about but is now fascinated with (yes he has to listen to your quiet mumbles about it and look at your very focused face but it’s cute <3)

AND THE SECOND SCENARIO ANGST?? I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT YAME. it makes me think a lot because in the official art, Wanderer expression is always so “😒” when he has to attend the Akademiya… but deep down he still tries pretty hard, even if he doesn’t show it 😭 And you just want to give your lover a hug for everything and tell him that you see how hard he’s trying, and that it’s okay for him to take a break.

Nahida probably has to pull out a book on how students should take care of themselves 😔

I imagine that when he’s writing his essays, there’s been times when his mind floats to you and he wonders what you’re doing. And when he looks down at what he’s written, he sees that he accidentally wrote your name on the paper right next to all this academic stuff. He erases it so quickly and is so glad you’re not here to see his blush.

(also eating up your various kuni interpretations… HE’S STILL KABU DEEP DOWN DON’T HURT ME LIKE THIS 💔) (but real) 

*sends you all my love* ❤️ 

PLEASE THAT'S SO HIM BEHAVIOR YK ?? it never ceases to amaze him just how easily you flow with what he gives you to quill your boredom, even if there's a high possibility it may not be quilled — a wanderer can hope, no? but much to his dismay; your boredom isn't one so easily quilled. not when his best bet is to just throw another essay some other scholar wrote and he gives you that look that especially says: here, read.

but despite how annoyed he may appear with your constant whining and pouting; he deep down loves how you, too, seek his affection. he perceives this whole ordeal as a good thing though, you've always been patient and rarely does he ever see you as the opposite so... maybe all he needs to do to test said patience is simply excuse himself by saying he has an essay to write which is a fucking lie 💀 but he likes to see you being a little annoyed. it's endearing to see many sides of you from his perspective.

more under the cut !!

as for the second scenario angst .. huhu 🤭 but in all seriousness it just lines up with how much of a perfectionist he tends to be whether he admits to it or not. it's obvious he's working hard, incredibly so, and that desire to perfect and fulfill doesn't stem from a “oh it's something i have to do” but more or so “i want to prove everyone wrong.” and that mindset tends to unfortunately eat at him to a point such a notion becomes intertwined with his previous beliefs — i will never be good enough. he'd think and manage to convince himself a little too easily. back then, whenever nahida would spot him in that state, she wouldn't even utter a word to reassure him because he knows what she'll say, and it's during those times he doesn't want to hear those words. it used to be incredibly difficult for nahida to get him off his chair and assure him that he's done enough, but in his eyes what he managed to finish was nowhere near enough.

and you're so right about nahida having to get a book on how students should take care of themselves ;; convincing to take a break takes both your and nahida's efforts combined. it's during such times nahida is reminded of how grateful she is for your presence because if there's another person wanderer is willing to listen to that isn't her; it's you.

i could go on and on about it but i think you already guessed this is already saved in my drafts and um, i am cooking both the fluff and angst in that one 🤭 but let's get into the fluff territory for a good minute — YES. ABSOLUTELY YES. darling already has two emotes both of which are named and i quote “zoned out.” it's practically second nature to him to just ( ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ ) ...

i like to imagine that it isn't limited to when he's writing, but that habit also seeps into the times he'd draw something in the midst of taking a break. at first, it starts with him doodling a random object, then something he's craving, and the moment he zones out while doodling to his heart's content... next thing he sees is that he drew something you like, something you usually tell him you crave, or even just draw you on autopilot. but in comparison to how he'd write your name on a research paper and immediately erase it; this empty page now filled with little things connected to you is one he keeps but never, ever let you know about.

and regarding my kuni interpretations — that's 3 am ayame for you lmao bestie wrote that in a daze 😭 and i may or may have not hyper analyzed that silly little thing i wrote back then lolol

*sends you all my love in return* (⁠/⁠^⁠-⁠^⁠(⁠^⁠ ⁠^⁠*⁠)⁠/🤍🤍

[thatonebirdwrites]

Can I just say I fucking love Sam Arias? Of COURSE, she's back! Honestly, I think showrunners had to send her away because Lena wouldn't have gone to the darkest of places because Sam would have been there to remind her that there is some hope in humanity, because Sam never lied to her. Sam is basically her best buddy, her wingwoman.

Sam would have talked her out of Non Nocere by asking just the right questions, and Lena would likely say, "Ugh, Sam, stop making me think and feel."

Sam would reply, "You know, I think you need a hug now." Upon which, Lena would be all grouchy but allow it. And of course Ruby would appear out of nowhere to tackle Lena in a surprise hug, and who can be angsty and despairing with that kid around? In this essay I will....

EXCERPT From Near the Start of The Chapter:

“Hey.” Sam’s voice draws her out of her research haze. “You unable to sleep?” She stands in the kitchen’s archway, her eyebrows scrunched in concern. She’s wearing navy blue pajama pants and a large T-shirt with a crow on it, and her shoulder-length brown hair falls in soft waves.

Lena shrugs. “Nightowl. Why are you up? You should be resting.”

“I normally wake at six,” Sam says, amused. “May I join you?” Sam gestures to the other stool in front of the counter. 

“Sure.” Turning back to her search, she clicks through another record, the translation program she ad-hoc-ed for Irish in the other window. 

“What are you researching?” Sam fills a glass with water and settles on the stool next to her. 

“My adoption papers were missing,” Lena says, absently. The screen is a little hazy, so she reluctantly puts on her glasses back on. Later, she’ll switch to contacts. “Searching Irish records for my birth currently.” 

“Why would they be missing?” Sam frowns. 

Lena sighs. “Lillian hated that I was Irish. I thought she hated me in general, but when I put a truthseeker on her a few weeks ago, she…” The memory is laced with shock and pain still. “… she said she loved me. I don’t know what that means. Her actions have always been hurtful.” 

“Abusive people can still love, but that doesn’t mean it’s healthy,” Sam says, her voice soft.

Lena glances at her friend. “Therapy is making you wise, Sam.” 

“Well, it’s got to be good for something, right?” Sam sips her water. “Love is a complicated topic for you, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Lena clicks through to the next page and narrows the search on her birthdate. Or at least the one the Luthors have used for her. The more she digs into her Irish past, the more she realizes the lies her adopted family told her. It infuriates her. 

“What is love, Sam?” Lena pushes back from her laptop and looks at her friend. No, more than a friend. A sister - part of Lena’s chosen family. “I understand it scientifically. A series of chemicals in our brain and nervous system that induces feelings of connection.”

Sam studies her, her brown eyes thoughtful. “It’s more than that.”

Lena gestures for her to continue.

“Fair warning,” Sam holds up her hands. “I’m going to be super sappy now.” 

Lena rolls her eyes. “I don’t think you can defeat Kara’s sap.”

“Now that’s a challenge!” Sam grins, but then her smile fades, and her gaze unfocuses. “Love is warmth. Hope. A connection that bridges time and space. It’s how I survived Reign.” She pauses to rub her hand on her leg, a sure sign she’s nervous. “When I was trapped in that damn forest, I wrote Ruby’s name, my name, yours, and I kept writing it. It was my love for all of you that kept me fighting. Kept me hoping you’d find the cure, and you did. All of you did. That connection, that feeling of vulnerability love creates? It’s the strongest force in the universe. Not even Reign could destroy it, and we both know she tried.”

“Love as a force, that’s not one I’ve heard before,” Lena tries to quip, but instead, she finds herself tearing up again. She turns back to her laptop. “Dammit, I didn’t cry this much before Kara died and I resurrected her.” 

“Lena, what’s really going on?” Sam’s gentle concern only makes Lena want to cry more. 

“I think I’m in love with Kara,” Lena blurts it out before she loses her nerve. “But I don’t know how to trust her again. She lied to me for years, Sam. I keep telling her that I’m working through the hurt. I want to forgive her, but I just…” 

“You’re angry.” 

The moment Sam says it, Lena realizes she is. She is angry. So very angry. It surprises and alarms her. How much of her rage lately relates to Kara's confession then? How much to Kara's death, where Lena's rage and grief magically brings Kara back? Or at Lex orchestrating Kara’s death?

Unnerved, she traces her finger along the edge of the counter. Parsing intricately layered emotions like this feels insurmountable. Like she's climbing a massive mountain with little to no gear. It brings to mind that dark void Dreamer and her got stuck in when her attempt at a safe space imploded. For Jack's death, she was numb, the grief apparently shoved deep down, but for Kara, she is the exact opposite - a boiling cauldron of emotion.

[admirxation]

oooh can i ask for 29 (and 34 if you feel comfortable bc that one could be kinda heavy - can i cheat and modify the question and say "what piece of media will make you cry every time you watch/read/listen to it?")

<3

oh my god hello sweetie, thanks for the asks <3 !!!

29. Favourite song lyric right now

Okay this is from my all time favourite song “as the world falls down” by David Bowie in the labyrinth movie (watch it if u haven’t because oh my god). And there’s a bit in the song where it says: “A love that will last within your heart, I’ll place the moon within your heart” and UGH the feels every fucking time. Resurrect my man now so he can sing to me.

34. What will always make you cry?

Of course you can cheat with it haha. Okay this is gonna be a bit deep.

The video game “last of us part two” makes me bawl my fucking eyes out no matter how many times I play it. I wrote an essay on it for uni a while ago and had to watch some scenes and oh I was crying everyday I wrote on it.

There’s two scenes (spoilers btw). The one where after you know who dies, and you can play and go around their house and… you interact with their jacket and smell it. Oh my god even writing it I’m tearing up. Because it’s so fucking small but it shows how much she misses their presence, and I’m in awe at the little details that game gives. The second scene is the last scene where Ellie plays the guitar but of course she can’t play it as she used to… and she struggles… and it was her last connection to Joel and oh my fucking god the tears from the symbolism and the fact it pushes you to play it and hear how Ellie can’t play it anymore.

to trauma dump a bit as well. The last of us is a game my father showed me and I’m so close with him, and when Ellie lost her father figure, it made me bawl and constantly look at my dad and fear the day I’ll have to say goodbye and ugh the tears

question game <3