#under a read more because it is A Lot

[dvrast]

a thing about jesper is that he is constantly afraid. angry and frightened— that's what the fjerdan had called him. what had matthias and inej seen in jesper that he didn't understand ? / [ stop treating your pain like it's something you imagined. if you see the wound is real, then you can heal it. ] / you taught me to lie. [ to keep you safe. ] i had a gift. you should have let me use it. [ it's not a gift. it's a curse. it would have killed you the same way it killed your mother. ] i'm dying anyway, da. i'm just doing it slow. it's a genetic disease, father to son. inheritance. power, from his mother. fear, from his father.

it was one thing to be born zowa in his father's house, a weight impossible to tip - toe around with the old farm floorboards creaking under every step, something reaching deep down in his chest to hold his breath from a young age. it was that easy, as breathing, as long as it kept the fear off his father's face ; even easier, whispering truths like pearly whites tucked inside unassuming seashells with his mother. she was brave, braver than the both of them, and she made it easy, until she couldn't. after her death, colm's fear deepened, widened, and it swallowed jesper whole.

the world was always too small for jesper, too big, for grisha of any kind, an open range with traps and snares littered every few feet like landmines. you're born as prey animals native to every continent, or trained into predators in ravka. there isn't a single hill or meadow that's safe, not really. this is a part of why he leaves for ketterdam in the first place, no matter how afraid he is to leave his da, alone in a haunted house. but he can't stay there, not when it feels like the same thing that killed his ma is lurking under the floor, hiding in the rafters, breathing down his neck. but it wasn't the house. it was a part of him, some heavy, extra organ, and he takes it with him wherever he goes. it begins to feel like some kind of birth defect, something somewhere just a millimeter out of line, killing him slowly with every too - fast beat of his rabbit heart. sleeping, waking, this inescapable, primal paranoia. it'll kill him, just for being born.

jesper has what we would call generalized anxiety disorder on top of his attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and it's at its worst once he realizes this feeling isn't something he can leave back home in his father's house. one could go mad with it, not a single place in which you can feel yourself, safe, whole, and he feels a little mad, at first, digesting this revelation ; this is his life, a blessed death. this is what it means to be zowa, his mother's son, his father's prodigal, home or far from it, everywhere, anywhere in the world. he can't ever catch his breath in ketterdam, since before even that, light and heavy all at once, a freedom you can only feel from falling. he feels like a dead man walking the streets, less to lose than even that, and it's easy, easy as breathing, to lay down what little money fit in his pockets with or without the promise of it earning any of it back. ketterdam is alive, though, and he learns quickly how fear is in the very air, but with it, an immunity in its people. something fearless in the water. it was almost inevitable, then, that the most fearless creature in the barrel is who jesper finds himself drawn to even more than the promise of a light burning brightest before it goes out, like a moth to flame. kaz brekker makes him feel like he could be brave for the first time since his mother. like he could survive.

fear is a lot easier to face if you don't ever look away in the first place. if you never come down from the high, there's never any crash - landing, and life with the dregs is a rollercoaster of ups and downs to simulate a freefall that's in his actions instead of his bones. joining the dregs, joining kaz, it gives a name to the grip in his chest— a false one, but a name all the same. he can't be afraid of living if he's dodging death left and right. this fear he has is for a bullet in his head, a knife in his back, dime lions or black tips or stadwatch or debt collectors instead of slavers or drüskelle or ravka or poisoned little girls in need of saving or his father's scared, scared eyes— ketterdam is where taking a deep breath could get you killed anyway, and it's the first place he feels he can live in. the first place he feels he could survive, because living in ketterdam demands it.

[blackpearlblast]

Brown University students are launching an indefinite hunger strike for Palestine

they are asking for their university to divest from companies profiting from the genocide in gaza and openly call for a ceasefire and will not eat until the university governing bodies hears and considers a divestment resolution. if you are not familiar with the physical toll a hunger strike takes on the body, it might be worth looking up to get a better sense of what a significant action these students are taking. the university's highest governing body is having their first meeting of 2024 on february 8-9th so let's rally around them to muster even more pressure on brown university.

brown university contact page: let's state our support for these students and let brown university know the world will be watching what happens next!

additional reading: coverage of this story in the university's student news paper - get to know some of the hunger strikers

[khytal]

and there was only one bed (oh my god there was only one bed)

extra:

[front-facing-pokemon]

[sapphixxx]

Signalis, Authority, and History

There's a level of nuance to how Signalis presents the violence of the authority of the nation that doesn't call attention to itself but which I really appreciate. Which is basically just, all the officers and cops and spies who make life hell for people like the Gestalt mine workers, Ariane, and the Itou family--we get little glimpses into who they are in Adler and Kolibri's diaries and despite the propaganda and the authoritative tone they take in official communications, for the most part they don't seem to actually be particularly invested in the hard line of national ideology. They uphold it though, viciously, both because things were worse under imperial rule (we don't get hard details on what it was like but it's mentioned in passing enough that I believe it) and because they're scared that if they don't they will be decommissioned and easily replaced. They are literally stamped out of a production line after all. There's a subtext of well, if I don't do it my replacement will anyway and I'm not trying to die so what's the point of rocking the boat?

I think Kolibri stands out to me most clearly on this because in communications from the block warden regarding Ariane there is emphasis put on how it is unacceptable and suspicious that she should be so interested and invested in art and literature that does not serve the purpose of furthering the goals of the nation. But we know that Kolibris themselves are bookworms, Adlers are fiends for stimulating experiences, and both get miserable FAST when deprived of art and puzzles and entertainment and hobbies. Y'know, just like anyone. Far be it from being a paragon of The Nation only interested in productive labor, we are reminded that the block warden, too, hates this shitty town and wants to transfer but is denied. They're hypocrites, but not monsters, nor brainwashed puppets of the state.

The monstrousness at play is not contained within any particular subset of evil individuals, or even an inherent universal force of evil contained in the broad notion of The Nation. There is no cosmic evil force that makes them all do these things to each other. The monstrousness is within the social systems, the mechanisms of how authority perpetuates on a structural procedural level, held in place by fear and tangible threats of violence, each link in the chain restraining the next through those threats out of fear that if they don't, then they'll be next. Regardless how many, if any, of those people in this chain are true dogmatic hardliners, they must act as such because failing to do so opens them up to danger.

Here then I think of the quote that is so prominent, "Great holes secretly are digged where earth’s pores ought to suffice, and things have learnt to walk that ought to crawl", from Lovecraft's The Festival. This is not just a chilling abstract visual that conveniently evokes a mineshaft-- in Lovecraft's story, this line refers to worms which ate the decomposing bodies of wizards whose wretched souls had remained after death, complete with the terrible powers they gained through contracts with demons. Those worms inherited both their power, and also the evil. The Nation, despite having overthrown the Empire, is built on imperial technology, in particular Replikas and bioresonance. So too, then, we can imply that The Nation inherited with those things some of the monstrousness of The Empire as well. There is no end of history, nor clean break with the past, no matter how violently it may seem to be rejected. That which remains from the past--and something inevitably always does--creates the present.

This is a game that is not shy about evoking East Germany. And I think all of this provides a sophisticated picture of repressive authority that we rarely see in fiction of the English speaking world, especially in games. The year the S23 incident takes place is notably 84, but, frankly, I find this to be more compelling and illustrative than 1984 (and I'm a librarian and have taught English classes so I get to say that). Orwell, let's be honest, presents a fairly one dimensional picture of authority, where people seize power and wield it against others out of seeming mustache twirling evil or malice.

Here though we get a more humanistic view. Authority did not come from nowhere and is not wielded arbitrarily out of gleeful cruelty or mindless brainwashed allegiance. People aren't "just following orders". Individuals have rich inner lives. They make decisions, and those decisions are based in the context they're in. Even the decision to carry repressive tools of the past into the present is a decision that was made strategically with the big picture in mind. Nobody woke up and decided to be evil that day. Everyone operates on self interest, and, we must assume, an earnest desire for things to get better. Even the [spoiler] program which served as an inspirational demonstration of The Nation's power, you can imagine the chain of officers and bureaucrats who genuinely wanted the people of the nation to believe in the future, to confidently trust that everyone was working together towards something great and beautiful. And, through a long chain of those people who couldn't say "No" without being decommissioned, we ended up with something unbelievably cruel.

We get to know Adler and Kolibri and the other officers not to say well they're human too, maybe it wasn't so bad that they condemned all those people to agonizing suffering, but to remember that if we keep looking for true monsters we will not find them. There are no monsters and there are no demons. There are only people making decisions. A better world is possible. A better world, where Adler is just a paper pusher who does puzzles after work instead of signing papers to authorize torture, where Kolibris are librarians instead of spies and cops, where EULEs can gossip and play piano and ARARs can do maintenance on facilities that don't contain torture rooms, is one that would not have led to the Ariane and Elster's tragic cycle and ultimate end.

Authority and its attendant cruelty is not contained, radiating forth from The Great Revolutionary and Her Daughter, it is within the social systems of control. When those two women die, that cruelty will continue so long as those social systems continue. Like Lovecraft's worms, no matter how long dead the evil of the past is, so long as it continues to be fed upon, that evil will not only remain, but evolve into something new in the present. A better world can't be achieved through the death of the old world alone, even if violent overthrow is warranted. There is no end of history. There is no clean break from the past.

"Men make their own history, but they do not make it as they please; they do not make it under self-selected circumstances, but under circumstances existing already, given and transmitted from the past. The tradition of all dead generations weighs like a nightmare on the brains of the living."

Karl Marx, The Eighteenth Brumaire of Louis Bonaparte

[fisheito]

i told myself that yakuei only had one position then i proved myself (sorta) wrong

my fave face here:

[redysetdare]

every time i see a post that is like "ughh why cant we have aspec characters who aren't aroace for once" I have to do a double take like "is the aroace rep in the room with us right now?" because genuinely....where is all this aroace rep y'all are complaining about? Why cant i find it yet it's apparently the only aspec rep we get?? You admit that TV never says the word aromantic so where is the aroace rep. So far I've pretty much only seen canonically asexual characters and not much else buddy.

[tsunesama]

well i guess i should post my mastersona (who is literally me) more unpolished doodles below (ft. @redchill-i's mastersona in one of the pictures)

[corset]

Our mental health has been in such an interestingly terrible place for the last month or so. Genuinely kind of fascinating to watch from different internal angles....like watching the ocean ebb and flow and change temperament at random sometimes based on weather or the moon or something. Like this shit is just terrible

[martianbugsbunny]

So it's kind of being presented that the forehead touch is a Skrull greeting (ex. the scene where Priscilla introduces Fury and Gravik) but come on. The scenes where Talos and Soren, and Talos and Nick, respectively, were reunited show so much more intimacy and meaning than just an ordinary greeting; it's a real emotional moment on both accounts. The way they mirror each other is incredibly cool, and I love that in both it's insanely clear that Talos is locked in this embrace with someone he cares about deeply.

[lloydfrontera]

i just realized how delightfully ironic it is that javilon rebelled because he thought it was shameful for the king and adeline to grant rakiel's request when just a few weeks later javilon will be fully enamored of him. completely gone for the man. like. yeah babe adeline had to live in his court for a couple weeks but you're gonna kneel at his feet and beg him to stroke your hair. you are not the same lmao

[queer-omens-in-the-archives]

.

[famewolf]

actually used r*ddit for the first time in a thousand years just to comfort a self proclaimed 'grown ass man' regarding his feelings about feeling lost and grieving over the death of RT.

I usually stay away from commenting on public forums and the like, but he was clearly confused and didn't understand why he was hurting and it was frustrating him. it genuinely makes me so sad that a lot of cis men deeply struggle with allowing themselves to feel sadness if it doesn't directly relate to someone close to them dying.

and so I kind of said as much. told him that just because RT wasn't a real human doesn't mean that the decades of comfort it brought him didn't matter. that the brain doesn't differentiate between the loss of a person vs. the loss of something intangible that was still incredibly important.

told him to give himself the grace to grieve and be sad that something he loved was ending and that he wasn't the only one feeling that way. and surprisingly he replied and said he really needed to hear that, as did a couple of other dudes. which made me glad I said something. it sucks that they feel like they need permission or a reason to feel hurt/grief tho

there's definitely a strangeness to feeling grief over the end of media. but if it impacted your life for the better, then of course you're going to feel sad and lost. especially from folks you've been watching the better part of two decades.

[tangled-wires-and-a-dead-heart]

I finally finished making the refs for all of my scarlet hollow mc's so here they are (+ some info about them and the choices I made during their playthroughs)

Wesley Scarlet:

(first off his ref looks different from the rest of them because it's the first one I made and I was too lazy to go back and make it match with the rest)

Wesley was basically the character that I made specifically so that I could chose the meaner dialogue choices- so naturally he isn't very nice to people (he's very blunt/low key an asshole to everyone (at least in the earlier episodes)) and he's a lawyer/works at a law firm

(he also did the thing where you can puke in front of everyone in the dinner so yeah-)

He saved Duke in the woods and went directly back to the estate instead of going to see Sybil with Stella, didn't tell Tabitha about the kids sneaking into the mines, was able to get all of the kids safely out of the mines before it collapsed, (didn't invite Tabitha or avery to hunt ghosts) was able to lawyer his way out of giving up years of his life to the ghost and in turn cleared oscar's house of the ghost, didn't have tea with Sybil, Reese was able to kill his mom (cause wesley didn't grab the tranquilizers), and he wasn't able to find Stella.

Andy Scarlet:

They're a teacher! They are also psychic- and they will literally just blurt out anything that comes to their mind because of their psychic-ness (has probably gotten in trouble for telling kids that they're going to get into a car accident or something like that)

They don't really know how to talk to other people that well so they mostly come off as weird (or even creepy) in most cases

They saved Duke and went to see Sybil with Stella before returning to the estate, got caught by Tabitha while talking to the miners, called Tabitha and waited outside for her when the kids snuck into the mines, all of the kids were safely taken from the mines before it collapsed, they hung out with Tabitha and invited her ghost hunting (they also invited Avery), wanted to give up years of their life to the ghost but tabitha stepped in and did it herself so that they wouldn't have to, they called tabitha when reese was going kill his mom and she shot him but Andy didn't let her kill him and they just locked him up, and they were able to find stella with the help of tabitha and was able to rekindle their relationship.

(also they have a crush on Avery)

Eleanor Scarlet:

This is Eleanor and she works as an art streamer! She's also basically a Disney princess cause she can talk to animals and everyone loves her-

Saves Gretchen and goes to see Sybil with Stella and stays the night at Stella's house, tells Tabitha about the kids sneaking into the mines but doesn't wait for her, the kids are all able to get out but Rosalina's foot is crushed, she invites Tabitha to go ghost hunting (along with Avery) but they leave without getting rid of the ghost, Eleanor is able to calm Reese down so he leaves without killing doctor kelly, and she is able to find Stella (with the help of the gang of dogs) and stays the night with her again (she romances Stella)

Raymond Scarlet:

He's still in college and is majoring in psychology- he also chooses violence most of the time-

He was able to save both duke and Gretchen, went to see Sybil with Stella and then went back to the estate, didn't tell Tabitha about the kids in the mine, rosalina lost her foot when the mine collapsed, he didn't invite Tabitha ghost hunting (but did invite Avery), didn't want to give up years of his life and the ghost remained in the house/library, had the talk with Sybil but didn't drink the tea, let Reese kill dr. Kelly, and found Stella with the help of Gretchen

(he also romanced kaneeka)

[ntaras]

kuai liang and bi-han are such parallels of kitana and mileena in the way their siblinghood is presented: bad vs good. but it's purely bad vs. good and barley has any nuance provided

[the-busy-ghost]

Idk why every time I have a project that involves using the Register of the Great Seal for something even slightly more complex than looking up a single isolated charter, I always have a lovely plan where I think it will only take me a couple of hours to go in, check the index, and take the numbers I need down. And then I end up having to skimread the whole damn volume.