#unironically i love that movie so much it's always funny

[holdoncallfailed]

you know what's a great comedy with queer representation and pop culture references? superbad (jonah hill and michael cera were in gay love)

[woolydemon]

one of my fav things abt shaggy from Scooby Doo is that he is a skilled ventriloquist. He's really good at throwing his voice to make other things sound like they're talking, and also he has a talking dog that's unrelated to that

[kalloway]

The goofiest movie in the Resident Evil series by a landslide is Resident Evil: Apocalypse

in this essay I will-

[partycatty]

giggling at this idea i just thought of but would u consider... hear me out... mk1 johnny finding out that reader has a body pillow of him? like those anime ones but bcs he's a celebrity, someone made one of him too 💀 & reader secretly bought it and tried to hide it/deny it but johnny sees all fr fr

i wrote this and then it got DELETED i almost cried

johnny cage > superfan

johnny never visited your place, but now he sees why.

notes: the way i used to unironically have a bodypillow of a character i'd rather die than admit... this hits so close to home

[ masterlist ]

you and johnny were an unlikely pair in the grand scheme of things. you were a toned down worker in your own field while his face was plastered on every billboard, magazine, and teenage girl's home screens. at the end of the day, though, you were both humans in love and that's all that genuinely mattered.

johnny's arm that was slung around you as you two cuddled on his couch shakes you back to reality.

"you know what's funny?" he suddenly brings up, closing the tiktoks you were watching together. "we always come to my place. never yours. i've only ever seen the inside when i pick you up."

there wasn't a hint of annoyance or accusatory language in his voice; he was curious. as he typically is.

"i don't know," you shrug nonchalantly, hoping to get the topic over with. "your place is nicer." this was entirely true. despite downsizing after his divorce and other events he has yet to disclose to you, he still had a truly nice home. it radiated the energy of a celebrity without needing the size, but was just homey enough for you to spend your nights there when you felt like it.

"so?" his eyebrow quirks up.

"so, it's better to hang out here. my apartment isn't all that exciting, not a lot of room to do much."

"but it's the person that excites me," he replies quickly, kissing your forehead. "plus, all we usually do is sit on my couch here. what's the difference of doing it there?"

as your mouth opens and closes to try and dismiss the subject, johnny turns to face you completely with a beaming grin.

"can i come over tomorrow?" he asks, like it's your first date with him. his eyes are bright, like a kid asking for permission from his mother. you couldn't even bring yourself to look him in the eyes as you swallow hard. there wasn't necessarily a true reason to not have him over, but preparing for his arrival would take a considerable amount of effort to... redecorate. finally, you nod with a sheepish smile, and johnny plants a slap-like kiss to your lips as a thank you.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

the following morning, you were throwing your piles and piles of collectibles into boxes and shoving them into your closet. the replica of his brass knuckles or figurines of ninja mime had to go before he arrived. johnny couldn't know that on top of being his girlfriend, you were a fan. and not just any fan, a superfan. every piece of evidence had to be thrown into a corner lest you face his endless prodding and teasing. besides, even if he was a celebrity, he probably didn't expect his partner to have such belongings. it felt... wrong. but even still, you couldn't help but support him in his works!

a knock at the door makes you visibly jump as you're kicking the last of the merch under your couch. wiping your hands, you race to the front door and take a deep breath, making sure you plugged in your wall scents and lit your candles. you swing it open and johnny peeks his head in, glancing around with his typical grin. he puts his sunglasses atop his head to adjust to the indoor lighting, a curious glint in his eye.

"i don't know what you were talking about," johnny finally says, hands on his hips. "it's nice here. quaint."

"i think that's just calling me poor politely," you reply as you fight a smirk. johnny tenses up, already apologetic before you reach up to kiss his check. "i'm teasing, dear. now what?"

"a movie?"

"not one of yours."

"we didn't even finish citizen cage last time!"

you roll your eyes at his puppy-like stare. you immediately cave in with a huff. as his own version of a thank you, johnny swoops over and picks you up, sure to support your ass more than your thighs as they wrap around his waist. he shoots you a devious grin, as if to say "i can't help it!"

you're playfully tossed onto the couch, and you have just enough time to chuck a throw pillow in his direction as he heads toward your bedroom.

"i'm stealing your comforter," he announces. "since i don't see a regular blanket around here." you gulp, remembering your johnny cage themed throw blanket that once laid on that very couch. thankfully, it's buried under your other laundry.

"not everyone has blankets for every occasion!" you shout back, settling into your new spot and allocating space for his large body. that is, until you hear eruptive laughter come from your room. of course it was johnny, but the laugh was so hysterical, so out of character, you partially wondered if he had gotten possessed. "babe?" as you're about to rise from your spot, johnny responds in an unusually high pitched voice, strained from the cackling.

"why do you have this?!" his grin is audible, dripping from his upward inflection. your stomach drops, but you try to play dumb in case it's not what you expect.

"have what?" your voice is low, unwilling to give anything away. your question is answered when johnny emerges from the hallway, holding up your dakimakura with one hand, slung around its painted shoulder.

your face heats up in record time. it's a drawing - a realistic one - of johnny, laying down. the other side features the same, except blushing and only in boxers. you must have forgot to fully hide it, and left it on your bed like a fool. and what a fool you were for thinking a simple blanket would conceal it. times like these you wish you could afford a throw blanket to bury yourself in it and hope he'd go away.

"if you wanted me in your bed, you could've just asked," he giggles to himself, admiring the possession. "hey, at least they got my features right."

"please put that away before i die of embarrassment," you quietly beg, voice muffled by your head in your hands.

"really though, doll," johnny's smile doesn't disappear, just lessens. "why, of all things, do you own a bodypillow of me?"

"it was limited edition," you mutter. "the artist put it on sale."

"limited edition? you're a collector?"

shit. you sold yourself.

"maybe."

"collector of what?"

"...paraphernalia."

"i could deduce that. i won't judge you, honey." he kneels down to meet your level, putting his hands on your knees as he sets the pillow down beside you.

"i, uh... i collect things. related to you." johnny's face freezes, lip twitching in amusement as you continue to defend yourself. "i'm not weird about it, though."

"except for the pillow."

"50% went to charity!"

"touché. don't worry about it, sugar," johnny kisses your forehead. "there are worse things to collect. if anything, you're pretty lucky to have a famous boyfriend. lots of stuff to collect. you want one of my shirts? i'll sign it for you—"

"enough, enough," you giggle, swatting your hands at nothing. "this is already mortifying for me. you should see the rest—" you stop in your tracks, smile dropping in an instant.

"there's more?" as he asks, you two stare at each other in disbelief. and before you could react, he darts off to your bedroom, pushing himself off of the wall as he nearly runs into it. you shout-laugh as you follow after him.

"JOHNNY!" as you turn the corner to stand in your bedroom doorway, johnny charges at you and slings you over his shoulder. all you can do is half-resist his grip as he swings your closet door open. your legs kick against his body, and you're slapping his back. "DON'T LOOK!!"

"i can't not look!" he protests, patting your ass playfully. his hand falls to his hip as he inspects your crammed closet just as his grin widens once more. "is that a life-size ninja mime cutout?"

[vendetta-ari]

Hello! He wasn't on your list but can I request Sir Pentious x reader headcannons? Just general headcannons, smut or fluff, whatever you want, I just wanna see more love for my favorite snake :)

If not that's okay, no stress :)

Ofc ofc! I made some headcanons with a few nsfw. I dont know a whole lot abt him so theres not much written, hope you enjoy anon!!

He likes calling you dear / honey

he always likes making you little trinkets 

Speaking of his love language is gift giving, this snake boi will drive himself into debt for you. 

he always like to ramble about his interests while you snuggle up next to him

Before you two started dating, he was an absolute mess around you. He couldn't form a cohesive sentence while talking to you. It was cute though.

he still gets nervous easily and flustered even easier 

unironically, this guy LOVES romance movies, he also likes watching documentaries but he doesn't wanna seem like a nerd so he doesn't watch them near you 

when he's drunk he gets so weak and pathetic (not in a mean way I swear)

he gets so emotional and touchy with you,  it's really funny

speaking of, that's how he ended up asking you out. a drunken confession with tears that sober him apologized for.

this man loves old fashioned romance, he will cook with you (despite burning everything) and he'll dance with you, he's so cute omg 

sometimes he'll overwork himself and you will have to physically drag or carry him to bed

he's definitely a little spoon, but as long as you're holding him he's happy

always wants to be near you and doesn't let you out of his sight. he's always holding your hand <3

neither of you go out much, unless you count doing shopping or work

you both prefer dates where you get to stay at home, movie night, cooking, cuddling

you always want to help your amazing snake boyfriend with his building stuff/work, he doesn't usually let you though, he doesn't wanna get a cute thing like you all messy with his work

you never listen and help anyway though, its bonding time! despite you almost blowing up all of his creations….

NSFW HEADCANONS 

☆ he's definitely a bottom, no doubt about it

☆ his kinks include: Degradation, Praise, overstimulation, roleplay.

☆he loves being in between your legs, whether that be giving you head or getting suffocated by your thighs, either is completely ok with him

☆his favorite position is cowgirl 

☆Aftercare with him would just consist of him showering you with compliments and then falling asleep in your arms

Hope you enjoyed hun! sorry if it's short

-xoxo, Ari

[katheriensapple]

Well actually some are still in the TCOAAL fandom and still deny it. Some have even unironically convinced themselves that the author added the incest vision as a little haha funny and doesn’t plan on expanding on that. Like they really believe that the author who left the internet while saying she’d double down on the incest, they believe she plans on not actually going through with it. It’s comical at this point

Well, what the fuck?

The worst part is that I buy it. But I have to ask: why are those people in TCOAAL at all? I mean, TCOAAL is about incest, it has always been about incest (emotional incest in part 1 and more physical incest in part 2), it was written as an incest story. Interprenting Andrew's and Ashely's relationship as strictly platonic in order to avoid incest is just like removing action from a action movie to avoid violence. You are making it morally better, but also empying it from all scence.

Andrew's behavior is irrational if you don't take into account his ever repressed but ever present obsession for his sister, Ashley's jealousy is over-the-top and senseless if you think she doesn't see her brother in a romantic/sexual light. Hell, half of their interactions are portrayed as toxic couple's fights.

So, what would a person who's 100% convinced that their relationship is platonic see in this story? Well, canibalism and demons, but nothing they can't find in another place.

The Coffin of Andy and Leyley is the STORY of Andy and Leyley. Their relationship is what the game is about, is what made it unique. And to interpret it as non-incestuous is somehow… fundamentally misunderstanding Nemlei's intentions and what she captured in her work.

Andrew and Ashley are interesting because they're broken, they've been traumatized and neglected, and they've become monsters. They love each other, they hate each other, they care so much, they're obsessed, they could kill each other or die for each other. and every single step forward only brings them closer to an early... shared grave.

Doesn't that sound romantic?

[sweet-evie]

I know it's far-fetched from canon Gojo, but walk with me for a bit...

Serial-dater!Gojo...

Imagine an AU where Satoru Gojo is so good at going on dates. No awkward first-date moments... Just him making his partners feel comfortable and giddy in his presence.

He's in like three dating apps.

The fact that he's super attractive definitely plays a huge part, but it's also the humor and the charm that pulls people in. Plus, he dresses really well.

Every first date with him feels like a scene that's straight out of a romance movie.

9 times out of 10, they fall in love with him on the first date. Why wouldn't they? He's gorgeous, tall, obviously wealthy, fashionable, smells really good, attentive, suave, gentlemanly, charming, funny, and just the right amount of quirky.

Has his date finally landed Mr. Perfect? Like, the greatest catch ever?

Probably... If he wasn't so damn flighty.

He treats all of his dates really really well, so his dates fall in love with him easily. But that doesn't mean he reciprocates their feelings and/or instantaneous attachment.

Is it a game to him? Well, actually no.

Serial-dater!Gojo is just the pickiest mf to ever exist.

On that note... Sex on the 1st date? Not for him...

If there's enough chemistry and/or sexual tension between him and his date, then he'd probably hit the bedroom after 2nd or 3rd date.

The reason he goes on so many dates is because he's just trying to meet as many people as possible, and if he clicks with the right one, then that's the one!

He's had people that make it to the third date, but then something always goes wrong, or he notices a red flag, and it's immediately off.

I would like to reiterate that he's polite and gentle through and through. It doesn't change the fact that his date is disappointed though.

He also stays in touch with most of his dates... Not all of them obviously. He keeps in touch with the really nice ones -- the ones he found to be good people, but he just doesn't have romantic chemistry with them.

As a consequence, he has loads of connections. It goes without saying, Serial-dater!Gojo is unironically very very very good at forming a network. (The pretty-people privilege helps. People who tell him 'no' are very rare).

The reason why he's very good at dates is because he customizes everything to his date's liking. From venue to activity and topics for conversation, he has it covered.

He knows how to turn up the rizz and he's generous with compliments.

I don't know what to tell ya... The man is a great conversationalist. He can fill silences and make his dates laugh. When they're comfortable enough, he asks them questions and keeps the convo going.

Serial-dater!Gojo is great at feigning interest. Even if he's on a date with the most boring person ever, he's quite adept at hiding how bored he actually is.

None of his dates have actually gotten far enough to know Gojo's actual personality.

That is, until he met the person who would be his S/O for life.

They just click. It's hard to explain, but they just do. It took more than 3 dates, but they got past the occasional meet-ups and started seeing each other much more regularly.

At that point, his S/O has successfully turned Serial-dater!Gojo to Boyfriend!Gojo.

Dating Boyfriend!Gojo obviously comes with more than a handful of perks... A peek into Satoru Gojo's actual personality, a great time in the sheets, goofy antics, all the candy, and many many more.

Just don't ask him how many dates he's been on. The number will make anyone dizzy. Plus, I don't think he's even kept track.

Serial-dater!Gojo's notorious series of dates was just one big quest to find the right partner for life.

Side note: I mentioned in the beginning that this is an AU idea, because I'mma be honest, canon Gojo WOULD NEVER. Man's way too busy being the Gojo clan head, being a teacher, and being a special-grade sorcerer to be a serial dater.

Even as a teenager... Satoru is way too obnoxious and loud and so in-your-face about things. Before the Star Plasma Vessel incident, 16-year-old Satoru knows how much power, influence, and wealth he has, and he's probably not shy about flaunting that in people's faces. Teen!Satoru is bratty... Spoiled, arrogant, and likely unbearable. Small wonder Utahime found him to be super annoying.

Gojo in S1, episode 6, during a conversation with Ijichi, even acknowledges that he has a deeply flawed personality.

Could Teen!Satoru go on dates?

Yes, obviously... He's easy on the eyes, and if his date can ignore his abrasive personality, then it's all good.

Now do I think 28-year-old Gojo goes on dates occasionally?

Yeah, sure... But it's super spaced out. And on that note, I don't think he sleeps around regularly either.

Do I think he does one night stands or has casual sex from time to time?

Yep... But just like dating, it's super spaced out. It's neither a weekly nor a regular thing. He's not THAT horny.

I could write a whole ass whitepaper about my speculations around Gojo's almost non-existent dating life in canon, and most of the problems there stem from childhood upbringing, and his never-fading attachment to Suguru -- especially after the Star Plasma Vessel incident.

And now as I finish typing all of this out, I realized too late that everything I just wrote about Serial-dater!Gojo is actually canonically more applicable to Suguru Geto.

Gege did mention that Suguru attracts more people than Satoru.

In hindsight, are any of us surprised that Suguru has managed to establish a cult?

Geto has that cult-leader rizz... He's charming when he wants to be.

Basically take everything I just said about Serial-dater!Gojo and apply it to Suguru Geto, and it fits so well.

Should I have just rebranded this? Yes...

But I'm too damn tired to rework... Not that it matters. 😆 'Tis nothing but a silly AU scenario.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Just finished watching the FNAF movie (hooray for early UK release!) and I unironically loved it. Some things I want to mention…

Spoilers under the cut!

MATTHEW LILLARD AS WILLIAM AFTON 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

JOSH HUTCHINSON AS MIKE SCHMIDT 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Honestly me just losing my fucking shit whenever there was a reference to the lore/games?!?! Like I was SO excited it was unreal

THE TOREADOR MARCH?!? FOXY SINGING?!? BALLOON BOY?!?! VANESSA?!? THE FREDDY LAUGH?!? THE “IT’S ME” WRITTEN ON THE MIRROR?!?

Not gory at all tbh like there’s a couple of scenes involving blood but most of the kills cut away before showing anything (there WAS a scene where Freddy chomped someone’s torso in half but you only see her bottom half afterwards, like the bite happens in the shadows)

There were, in fact, five nights at Freddy’s (and one day) (yes I counted lol) and absolutely nothing of particular scariness happened on Nights 1 or 2, Night 3 was cute, Night 4 started off cute but got sad and then Night 5 was kind of terrifying, kind of funny, kind of fucking awesome and filled with lore

They definitely missed a trick by not mentioning the Bite of ‘87 (or ‘83? Idk) or Golden Freddy but I know there MIGHT be a sequel so… 👀

I spent the whole of the movie trying to figure out who the fifth child/animatronic was 💀 like obviously Freddy, Chica, Bonnie and Foxy… was the fifth one the fucking cupcake?!?!

The cupcake was kinda goofy but I loved it all the same

The animatronics went from villains to not villains to villains to not villains again like what a journey

Look most of my FNAF knowledge admittedly comes from watching Markiplier and JackSepticEye playthroughs but since when was Vanessa William Afton’s daughter?!? Also is Vanessa THE Vanny???

Going into soft play with the pre schoolers at work is NOT going to be the same after this film 💀

Literally all of the people in the cinema freaked out when Springtrap appeared oh my god

We have come SO FAR since the SFM fanmade videos of William Afton in the Springtrap suit getting springlocked and dying surrounded by the ghost children in the animatronics like holy shIT?!?!

“I always come back” - cue the 20 people at the 10:50am showing I was in absolutely losing their fucking shit

In the sequel (if there’s a sequel) I DEMAND more Matthew Lillard as William Afton/Springtrap like yeah he’s dead but FLASHBACKS!!!! Prequels?!? So much potential there. What I’m trying to say is that we deserved more of him, he was amazing but only there at the beginning and the very end, that’s my top complaint tbh

Not that scary to be honest but there’s some jump scares

I will say this, it definitely felt VERY campy at times, like there were moments involving murderous animatronics where we were all giggling in the cinema

Abby (Abi?) was VERY cute and sweet but also I wanted to shake her like you fucking idiot why are you going up to the scary ass animatronics?!? Stay in the office with your sleeping brother

The fact Mike still has custody of his sister after their aunt was presumably murdered in his home is not adding up but hey ho 😂

Is it the best movie ever made? No, but it was enjoyable for me so I call it a win

If anyone has any questions or wants to talk about it, feel free to hit me up, I won’t be able to reply until just over 4 hours time though as I’m about to head into nursery and do a shift so… yep!

[cocoa-rococo]

Koopaling Headcanons: Iggy

Larry | Morton | Wendy | Iggy | Roy | Lemmy | Ludwig

The wild child, the mad lad, the resident scientist himself! I think about him a regular amount.

Left-handed.

His powers are more plant-based, and he's very good at controlling them, but inventing is a big hobby of his that plays into how he attacks. To put it in other terms, he's got Artificer software running on Druid hardware.

His eye color is a rare mutation of his draconic koopa biology, though it does give him some issues with his vision, hence the glasses.

He's definitely wacky, but he's not actually ‘demented’ or ‘insane’ like most think he is. That being said, he likes to play up the whole ‘mad scientist' act around other people because he enjoys their reactions. Maybe a little too much…

April Fool's is a banned celebration in the castle because of him. Not that it stops him from pulling pranks on any other day of the year.

His favorite fruits are more tropical things; kiwis, pineapples, and starfruit.

Prefers Chain Chomps and other animals to people, as he's not great with conversation nor predicting people. Rumor has it that he can actually speak with them, but whether it's true remains to be seen.

He occasionally gets nonverbal when an experiment goes awry, or when he’s so upset he can’t find the words for it. His siblings check in on him every once in a while, and he does end up speaking again after a few hours / a day.

His hair naturally falls into a mohawk like in his earlier depictions; he just likes styling it back to differentiate himself from Lemmy.

Doesn't have much of a sweet tooth, but he's a big fan of savory things. That said, he does have a fondness for carrot cake.

He actually made his glasses when he realized his eyes didn’t see well with traditional lenses… and because he needed something that was fireproof, blast-proof, and freeze-proof, just to name a few. When he realized he could market it on a professional basis, Iggy’s Glass was created.

He's a big fan of his veggies! He's not a strict vegetarian, nor is he opposed to meat whatsoever, he just likes his greens more. Like I said, Druid hardware.

Speaking of food, if he's craving something, he often decides what to have not by flavor, but by texture. He looooves crunchy stuff or things he can rip into, like sandwiches with hard bread or jerky sticks.

He helps Wendy with her baking hobby! Baking is just another form of chemistry, after all, and he likes having something to do with his hands. He doesn't like cooking much, though. Too much guesswork.

His love language is gift giving. He makes so many things for his siblings for holidays and birthdays, and is always touchingly surprised if they get him something personal or practical (not that he shows it).

He got Morton a camera for his tenth birthday to support his scrapbooking hobby, and is secretly very pleased that Morton takes such good care of it. He also denies crying when Morton showed him the page he made of the two of them with the photos he took.

His handwriting is the worst out of the seven. Given how fast he needs to write to keep up with his experiments, and his habit of using short phrases that only he understands, it's really legible to just him.

He genuinely is pretty funny. His humor is skewed towards shitposter memes thanks to Roy and Larry, but his sense of comedic timing to drop a bomb or punchline is perfect.

Will respond to highly cursed memes and images along the lines of "Oh, that's AWFUL. I LOVE IT."

His currency is amusement. You wanna get on his good side or impress him, making him laugh. This is harder then it sounds; if he can tell you’re trying too hard, he’ll just blast you with sarcasm.

Ludwig is teaching him how to play the accordion. It’s just as chaotic as it sounds.

He's a big fan of bad B-movie horrors, making fun of them while also unironically enjoying how terrible they are. He's got a few posters of them in his room.

He was the dog version of a warrior cats kid. I'm sorry, but it's true.

He likes to collect bugs! It's not a very big collection, seeing as the Darklands is uninhabitable by a majority of insects, but he likes learning and talking about them to anyone interested.

One of the most terrifying generals out of the Koopalings to the troops; not because he’s especially mean or strict or anything, but because you’ll have no idea how he’ll react to something. He is, however, perhaps also one of the the least military-inclined out of his siblings, much preferring his lab to a war room.

Will wear the UGLIEST aloha shirts with zero concerns. Will also wear socks and sandals. Wendy loathes him.

Doesn't like coffee; the taste makes him nauseous. He's more of a soda guy, anyway.

He and Larry are huge sci-fi nerds, and enjoy bonding over comics and mecha anime and going to cons together. Also a big fan of horror; the more gore, the better.

Cannot draw people for shit. Animals and plants he can do okay at, but more in an anatomical kind of way then any artistic sort of style. Blueprints, however, are a different story.

Genuinely likes pistachio ice cream. None of his siblings know why, nor do they want to know.

Like Lemmy, he's very much a fan of pulling a prank and doing the "ohhhh I'm just a little guy, and it's my birthday, I'm a lil birthday boooy" routine. Unlike Lemmy, this rarely works for him.

His lab is his safe haven; it may be a mess in some places, but it's his mess. If you touch something you shouldn't, be prepared to get whacked.

Can and will pick up bugs and eat them. Bonus if they’re dipped in chocolate.

He doesn’t have any particular favorite flowers, but he's got a side hobby of cross-breeding and mutating plants for both science and in the sense of, in his own terms, “fucking around and finding out.”

[poisonousrain444]

lyle wainfleet – headcanons

@neteyamswillow’s headcanons kinda inspired me to do this, but hers include quaritch and prager too (GO LOOK)

these are just funny and stupid, but imma give a warning for some sexual themes

didn’t pay attention in school and always interrupted the class by screaming “PENIS” or some shit (but mysteriously always passed)

never read a book in his entire life on his own free will

asks people “you still eatin’ that?”, when they haven’t touched their food for like two minutes. reaches out his hand, before the person even answers

will eat ANYTHING you put in front of him

shoulders people out of his way. sometimes when it’s not even necessary

tenses his muscles when hot girls walk by and tries to look cool

grunts too damn loud when he works out (z-dog told him multiple times how weird it is. he won’t listen)

flexes in front of every mirror he comes across

punches people way too hard when he sees a yellow car

only wears sunglasses, because he thinks he looks cooler with them on

likes beer

changes his socks every two to three days

snores loud as fuck. you can hear it through the walls on base, the ground is shaking (has gotten several complaints over the years)

sleeps in the star fish position, like sprawled across the whole bed and his hand or leg hanging off the edge

was jealous of jake, especially in the first movie, because quaritch liked him (was low-key glad he ‘betrayed’ them, so he can be q’s favorite corporal ❤️)

says “that’s what she said” in the most inappropriate situations

his favorite joke since being a recom is that “all humans are at dick-sucking-height” (has made that joke about ardmore too)

unironically says “bros before hoes” (but has cancelled plans with his friends for some pussy before)

thinks netflix & chill is romantic

sends the “🥺” emoji to girls (hopes it makes him look cute and they let him hit)

accidentally sent a dick pic to one of his teammates. and found it funny (the person he sent it to not so much)

has probably cheated on someone and justified it with “but baby i imagined it was you, i swear”

he’s such an asshole honestly, but i still love him (what’s wrong with me)

[system-of-a-feather]

Man finally got around to watching the "Mr. Monk's Last Case" that I've been meaning to watch since it came out and I always forget just how relatable Monk is to me and how it really just hits home a bit too much how Monk lives and views himself

Like I'm sure a lot of people read the show like its a "haha OCD so funny" gag and I know some people get really mad because "OCD is treated like the butt end of the joke and no one with OCD is actually like that" but it really never felt that way to me as someone who has OCD - particularly because I cope with it the same way.

I totally understand the people that do not relate to it, OCD has a wide way of presentation and an even wider way of coping with it and that is not taking into account co-morbidities, the one in particularly that I think is most important when judging Monk - is C-PTSD and the MAIN one, while not directly mentioned, autism.

Cause the way they DO handle Monk's mental health, both in the original series (which I've watched at least 5 times over in my life) and the newest movie, while silly and haha at times, has always been so realistically done to me that it unironically is the only show or series or movie or game that had nearly made me physically cry because when it DOES get real into Monk's mental health, it gets pretty real, arguably too real.

I think if you are to talk about it as JUST OCD and treat this as "media representation of the average individual with OCD", people are right to say that its not good because I agree, Monk isn't the average individual with OCD and it does play into harmful stereotypes and generalizations of OCD. Monk is advertised as that a lot, so that advertising I disagree with. But if you actually watch the show, the show does little to hide that he has co-morbidity with PTSD / C-PTSD and while they don't outright say it, he is obviously autistic.

And as someone who's dad is has C-PTSD, Autism, and OCD and as someone who ALSO has C-PTSD, Autism, and OCD.... It's really really really fucking accurate and hits home. Something my mom, who lived with THREE people with that matching set of co-morbidities, loves and agrees is super relatable to how it was like living in our house.

And that is where it really gets me when people say "its a bad representation of OCD! OCD doesn't looks like that" cause... yeah it does, for at least three people I know with OCD. Are we a specific minority within the group of OCD? Probably, but we still have OCD.

I dunno man, episodes with Monk's mental health being talked about gets me in ways few things do and I will die on the hill that Monk's shit is very well done and accurate albeit to a specific subset of people with OCD.

And also on the point of it "being the butt of the joke"...

For me, my OCD and literally all my mental health conditions are often used as the butt end of the joke. And I'm not saying that people are wrong for being upset, but chronic mental illness symptoms after you get really used to them and adapt your life to them and just embrace your unique way of living.... it's kind of hard to not find a lot of the quirks in light humor?

Like my fiance always said it about his year with severe Chrons "at a certain point when you are in the hospital having shit come out both ends, you just have to laugh at it cause thats funny shit right there."

I don't think I would have survived recovery with any of my mental health disorders if I didn't take some of the quirks that came out of my adapted life style to be funny and love them anyways.

As long as there is a balance between "this is a serious thing that gets in the way of a persons life" which they DO do very well in Monk, I see very little issue at exploring the kinda funny things living with a chronic mental health condition does.

[starstruck-flames]

Please can we go see the Barbie movie?? - Villains headcanons (+ Hawks)

Dabi:

“What the fuck- why?!” “Because I want to.”

He thinks on it for a few days, he probably doesn’t want to go but… you want to, and it’s not a luxury you often have.

“I’m not wearing fucking pink.” “Okay but I am.” “Whatever. …Make sure it at least looks hot.”

You’ve got on the 90s flames somewhere on that outfit of yours. Probably showing off a bit of skin too, a nice piece of eyecandy for him while you enjoy your snacks and movie.

…Okay this is very bright.

“Do you guys ever think about death” 100% catches him off guard but he secretly loved that line.

He’s a little invested in the plot.

Mostly in your outfit tho-

He has fun! Even if it’s mostly bugging you while you’re enthralled in the movie.

Favourite character? Sasha.

Shigaraki:

He’s a liiiittle more immediately willing to see the movie. It looks funny and he’s more than willing to use “awe man my PARTNER really wanted to go” as an excuse.

You’re not getting him to match you though.

Okay fine he’ll wear ONE (1) pink accessory. Probably a pin but it’s for you, and he’s a fan of you and making you happy.

You on the other hand went FULL out, full pink, holding the gloved hand of your emo ass partner. “✨ Two tickets to the Barbie movie please! 🥰” while the poor cashier is getting death stares from your man.

It’s very bright and happy huh. Some of the jokes are lost on this man, he’s just enjoying the calmness of being at a cinema with you!

Haha Ken’s pretty funny, what a loser-

Wait.

He glances between Ken and you. Oh god.

Is he Ken?!

Though, that’s more of a paranoid thought. While you’re simply perfect and part of his life, it’s obvious he has much more of a life than just pleasing you.

He can’t help but kiss your hand during the movie, smiling towards you fondly. It’s a rare soft moment, one you don’t understand but this stupid movie and this sticky floored cinema means everything to him right now because it’s a calm with you.

(He loves Allen.)

Twice:

“BARBIE?! FUCK YEAH” “FUCK NO!”

He would be… so into this idea. He’s 100% wearing something pink. Earlier seasons? He can’t wear much due to needing to keep his head covered but he’ll work with the accessories. Later seasons? FULL PINK. Man found the cowboy hat he refuses to not wear the cowboy hat.

Unironically he loves Barbie land. Why can’t he be a sentient doll that never needs to eat or sleep and can have girls night every night?

“Wouldn’t you be a Ken?” “Nah, definitely a Barbie.” He’s your Barbie ❤️

Actively boos at the real world in the movie. Barbie is the only redeeming quality of the real world.

At first the themes of the movie go over his head completely, he’s just here for the shenanigans/snacks.

Halfway through the movie he seems to get a bit more invested. Wait- the Barbie movie has a message?!

Oh it has a message.

He’s 100% bawling at the Barbie movie.

He’s changed his mind, he loves being human and holding your hand and feeling these intense emotions towards the stupid doll movie. He loves this stupid doll movie, he won’t stop crying.

Favourite character? The Mattel board members, especially Will Ferrel’s character.

Toga:

“REALLY?? REALLY WE CAN GO? YEAAHHH BARBIE MOVIE IM STEALING THE CUTEST CLOTHES!!”

You’re perfectly matched. It’s the most coordinated set of outfits of all time.

She’s 100% snuggled into your arm regardless of relationship. She’s always wanted to go to the movies with the people she loves!

Barbie is so pretty…

Though, Toga is particularly interested in Ken and Barbie having this odd dynamic of Ken being interested and Barbie being… not so interested.

She worries that maybe her love for others is eclipsing her personality but…

Toga had learned a lot from the LOV, she’s her own person. Always growing. Being with everyone is just a bonus, a huge one.

She LIVES for all the music. I personally believe she’s a CharlieXCX fan-

Favourite character? Gloria. She’s a good, tired mom. Toga would have loved to have a mom like her!

Hawks:

He’s surprisingly agreeable to the idea of seeing it “once it comes out.”

What the dick doesn’t tell you is that he was invited to the premier, and so are you now.

He’s such a show off. He’d paid for you both to have accurate Barbie and Ken fits. It’s a complete surprise to you as you whisper into his ear that if he ever does this again? You’re stealing his credit card and fleeing the country.

Though, for now? The very fancy popcorn (in its biggest serving size) will be enough for your forgiveness.

Past the awkward encounter of dealing with the *pink* carpet, it’s a pretty regular movie date. You get a good spot, in a mostly empty cinema with plenty of snacks.

He’s not the most into this movie, but he mostly enjoys glancing over to you to see how you’re reacting to it.

That and he bought a big hot dog. Normally he’s not supposed to indulge in lower quality foods but lord, it hits a spot.

Ken’s plight is very funny to him.

He also highly appreciates the props, they just look neat.

Admittedly he’s looking at the Mattel higher ups in the movie, he knows it’s meant to be exaggerated but they remind him of the commission.

After the movie? He’s taking you home to really… really appreciate that barbie outfit he got you.

Favourite character? Weird Barbie. I won’t elaborate.

[steveheadcannons]

some 90s head cannons for steve x reader

- they come down hard on both sides of the door argument after seeing titanic. i don’t even care who’s on which side i just think it would be funny that it is a recurring argument for the rest of their lives that just lays dormant for years until it comes up with a new group of people.

- steve would dress as jerry seinfeld. like their closets would be exactly the same. solid or color-blocked button ups that are a size too big tucked into tight levi’s with a buckle. god damn.

- he would go to the ends of the earth to get you the princess diana beanie baby and you would cry when he reveals it because you loved her and you love him.

- you dragged him to see the lion king in theaters because the lions looked so cute and HE ended up crying. he grumbles years later when you eventually show it to your kids but sits through it. his eyes water up, and your oldest notices and begins to panic and cry their self. you watch as he makes it a teaching moment about how adults cry about things too even movies and you somehow fall more in love with this man who was just born to be a father.

-watches full house with you but gets annoyed at how cute you think john stamos is. like full on jealous.

- dustin goes through a grunge fuck the establishment phase in college that’s both exhausting and hilarious

- steve, robin, and dustin LOOOOOOOOOVE austin powers. quote it constantly, play the soundtrack. you like it fine but find it funnier how much they love it.

-dustin and his college friends and/or the party ironically get into pogs but then it turns very unironic

-robin is very good at bop it and steve HAAAAAAAATES it. they usually only bring it out after they smoke. he will always challenge her and then completely fail at it because of his abysmal reaction time.

-they do not escape pesto mania

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

HAIIIII ARIII:33333 i am here with a silly little question hehehee which of your blorbos do you think would get along the best???? i immediately thought of suguru and laios honestly..... (also something something abt suguru eating curses and laios eating monsters something something) but i just really do think they'd really like each other!!!!!! sugu would listen to him ramble abt monsters with a faint little smile, his head resting on his palm:3333

but alsoooo would satoru like maomao and jinshi?? i think actually know them but i just.... have a feeling that he would!!! they all seem so cute and silly hehehehee

this question popped into my head when i thought abt putting toji and dazai in a room together btw😭😭 poor toji i think he would NOTTT like dazai at all😭😭😭😭😭 my kitty cats are fighting.... HEHEHEHE ANYWAYYY ILYYY I HOPE YOUR DAY IS GOING WELLL MY LOVE!!!!!! MWAHMWAH MWAHH!!!! - @teddybeartoji

HAI HAIIIIII MICKEY :3333 i’m picking you up and spinning you around btw <3333333 WHAT A FUN QUESTION AAAAA ……

OK BUT . LAIOS/SUGU IS SO BIGBRAINED. I AGREE SO MUCH. you reminded me of this one fanart owwllly made of them lmao ….. i treasure it soooooo dearly laios is so silly . I REALLY DO THINK THEY’D GET ALONG. they’re both sweeties :((( and sugu is such a good listener…….. laios would probably find him really dependable too. AND. HEAR ME OUT….. i just really really feel like laios would try to eat one of suguru’s curses 💀 and i think that would unironically bring them closer together. idk i’m just always thinking about suguru and how alone he felt simply become no one else could comprehend how awful they taste…. only for mr golden retriever himbo man to walk into his life and WILLINGLY eat them. sniffle. they could be so wholesome :(((((((

AND THEN . SATORU AND JINMAO 🥺🥺🥺 wahhhhh what a cute crossover….. HERE’S THE THING. i do Not think jinshi would like his ass ‼️‼️ maybe gojo would find him cute in an older brother kinda way . but they’re just. so similar. jinshi is basically just cult leader geto and teen toru mashed together. i think gojo would piss him off so much 😭 BUT MAOMAO….. well. she would definitely find gojo annoying too!!! but i think he’d like her soooo much :3 that’s his daughter actually. he’d just find her funny. two little meowmeows <3333

….. then we have toji and dazai 😭😭😭 PJDPDJDKDJDJ. MICKEY I CRIEDDDD THEY WOULD BE SO FUCKING FUNNY….. i remember seeing a tiktok once where . a guy did a filter thing that gave him four different characters to go to therapy with . he got toji + dazai + two other sickos and someone commented ”you know it’s bad when toji is the most mentally stable person in the room” 💀💀💀 I JUST THINK IT’S SO FUNNY…. toji would be so weirded out by him lmao . BUTTT in my heart and soul dazai is a dilfhunter so ik he’d try to seduce toji <3333 would he succeed? no . but i respect the attempt!!!!!! i think they could learn to get along…. for you…….. (the good ending would be toji realizing dazai reminds him of you and being like 😐😐😐 i guess i HAVE to tolerate you.)

BUT . to actually . answer your question……… one blorbo crossover pairing i’ve been thinking of a lot lately is :333 satoru . and kazui (from milgram)……. every time i say that kissing a dilf could fix gojo i’m talking about Him btw. they’re just. so similar!!! the big difference is their confidence i think…. ik you aren’t aquainted w this blorbo but. kazui is just… a very tired very guilty liar of a man. constantly putting up a front. has a very low opinion of himself but is actually very kind….. :((((((( i love him so much. and i think gojo and him would see through each other’s respective masks, you know?? in that sense maybe kazui would be a little freaked out but . i think they could find some comfort in it too!!! i just really need them to be friends…..

ANYWAYYYYY tysm for the lovely question my lovely mickey <33333 I LOVE YOUUUU i hope you’re having a nice day……. i hope you’re watching lots of movies and enjoying your free time…… me and dazai and toji r covering you in kisses mwah mwah mwahhhh <33333

[house-of-tykayl]

Is there a mandate in Teen Titans Go where they say Robin and Starfire are never allowed to be an actual couple in the show?

I don't understand why they don't want them to be together they make Starfire reject Robin.

I don't think it would cause any problem if they become a thing, they can still make comedy jokes in the show while being in a relationship at the same time.

i think TTG is a low effort parody show, so to change something fundamental to the original concept (having TTG robin chase TTG starfire) would take too much effort. the show would have to replace the conflict of unrequited(?) love with another conflict funny enough to move an episodic story forward for an infinite number of seasons.

so yeah, there probably is a mandate/rule (in the show bible or something) to prevent TTG robstar from becoming "official"

(also if you dont find the idea of TTG robstar being unrequited funny, then tbh i feel like TTG's kind of humor and even the original concept of TTG just isnt for u... it's not the 2003 cartoon v2, it's a parody and always was. by this point i feel like it (TTG's parody elements at least) are such a specific kind of humor that 89% of people won't enjoy it, and thats fine)

anyway there's also how TTG had more sincerity in season 1 when it was more like a really weird sitcom, where the titans' relationships (while still subversions of the 2003 cartoon) were mostly genuine bonds even if they acted like lobotomy patients sometimes. the comedy had limits and the characters had empathy. so if TTG robstar would ever have a chance at becoming anything near canon, it would have been back in s1, though still unlikely

but later seasons of TTG can be very mean spirited, overly cynical and deconstructive, depending on who is writing the episode (assuming the episode is even character focused at all, which became less common over time). the show went from a parody of the 2003 cartoon to a parody of everything besides the 2003 cartoon lol. sometimes i feel like post season 1 some of TTGs writers took the mob hate to heart and let negativity poison the original sitcom premise before slowly selling out

so i dont think genuine relationships between the TTG titans can happen anymore, some of the writers hate the characters enough to have broken up their friendships (someone even messed with cyborg & BB once omg), let alone the romantic relationships. except maybe that doesn't matter either because TTG resets most of its continuity every episode?? ironically TTG could still turn the ship around in terms of the series' tone and direction, though i doubt they will if the current direction makes more money

weirdly enough whenever TTG shits out another AU thing, like the big 2018 movie or the night begins to shine universe, suddenly theres unironic robstar shipping/hints in it that are soooooooo cute. besides being shipper bait this is probably because those TTG AUs feel removed from the main TTG series, so their stories feel more free like they're allowed to be sincere again, like the main show's original season 1.

unless the romance is supposed to be a joke, it needs sincerity in order to work. and its impossible to write sincerely when youre a contractual writer buried under 300 layers of irony and cynicism who doesn't even like the show youre writing for... and thats what i feel happened to the main TTG show ,compared to some of its AU stuff

tl;dr i just cope and pretend like TTG is still the goofy sitcom it used to be, partially coz season 1 TTG robstar had the (admittedly very low) potential to be real, and even if it didnt happen at least their friendship was consistently sincere. and very cute

[self-loving-vampire]

the "cool girl" monologue?

It gets pretty long but:

Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl. Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much!

Note that the character who is saying this stuff is kind of unhinged and extremely resentful about her relationship. She doesn't seem to be much of a fan of other women, and she also doesn't seem to have the healthiest view of men for that matter.

Anyway, a lot of people have taken this villain monologue at face value and started judging real life people based on it.

If they see a conventionally attractive woman talking about how much she likes to eat or play video games or whatever it is assumed to just be a performance for men. Like those preferences are unnatural and forced in women (but of course no one seems to doubt men who say or do these things nearly as much, their interest is considered automatically legitimate).

And as a result there's some people out there who seem to unironically believe that having gender-nonconforming interests is internalized misogyny.

On one hand I find this whole thing amusing because I am both a narcissist and a less crass version of the character type described (loving food, being a pervert, gaming, etc. while also being hot. Not big on anal or unsanitary stuff specifically though, and beer holds no appeal to me either).

I read that stuff and think "Oh wow, yet another allegedly impossible ideal that I just effortlessly meet without even trying."

But on the other hand I also find it kind of grating when people overly highlight gender or start strongly gendering activities like this. To me, it is silly at best to imply that only men can have an interest in a particular hobby.

Like, stop. Do you really live like this? This is as stupid as when my father said only women and gays liked cats. It's not even true and you know it. Stop pretending people who have these interests don't exist in real life.

Some of us are just too autistic to care about gender norms one way or another, and to be honest I think more people could do with being even just slightly more indifferent to gender.