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#up-and-down symptoms
johnschneiderblog · 6 months
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Positively negative
Finally, after 12 days of positivity, a single red line came my way Saturday, freeing me to rejoin society.
Sharon, however, is still testing positive; she's a couple of days behind me, we suspect.
Meanwhile, our symptoms, though fairly mild, never followed the normal steady trajectory of improvement. They were up and down. Just when we thought they were gone for good, they would sneak back and ambush us.
I'll admit it - up until 12 days ago I was behaving as though COVID had disappeared. I think a lot of us are in for a harsh reminder this winter
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seithr · 2 months
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isbergillustration · 3 months
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I feel like absolute garbage today so no new art (sorry to the peeps whose commissions i promised to do today) but here is an update on this thing. Amputated part of its waist which is good, glued its legs on back to front which is. Unfortunate.
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vestaldestroyer · 5 months
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ok I wonder if there's someone out there who has this too
I don't get crushes or fall in love. instead, I become obsessed with people. I feel absolute loyalty and devotion to them. I'd do anything they ask without question. it's instinctive and automatic, I don't even think about it. I become their servant and follow them around like a puppy. every minimal attention from them gives me infinite joy.
this is always one sided and everyone eventually gets creeped out or annoyed and leaves. it breaks me every time. yet I can't stop it from happening. I try to hold back but it's almost impossible.
not that I would wish this on anybody, but please tell me I'm not the only one
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not-poignant · 3 months
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every now and then i forget how bad my chronic illnesses are and every now and then my body is like 'hmmm you seem to have forgotten what it's like to be cripplingly bedridden and disabled and we don't want you to forget' and then i'm reminded and it feels a little like being yeeted into a granite cliff wall at full speed and leaving a dent
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shima-draws · 7 months
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So there's been news floating around that tumblr is "dying" since it's going to be run by a skeleton crew. I highly highly doubt that it's going to actually die out (bc every time we hear about tumblr dying it comes crawling back. Like a cockroach.), but just in case, if you all ever need to find me elsewhere, the other place I post my art is on Instagram :)
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yk, its weird being Way Too Aware & In Control of yourself bc technically i believe im having a panic attack. but somehow i am Very Unbothered by this, bc i know whats happening and its illogical. my body's having an overreaction and i couldn't be fucked to join in
#im sitting here casually looking up symptoms to make sure this is a Panic attack and not a Heart attack#got those heart palpies got that chest pain got that sense of Derealization got that shortness of breath#i even feel a lil faint! ive even got a hot flash goin on! tightness in the throat! the whole enchilada#and yet! im somehow vibing...#my body's throwing a fit smh calm down bro its not that bad...#maybe you'll calm down if i drink some water and eat some fruit <3#shoulda known this was coming... was lying awake at 4 am with really bad palpatations s. m. h.#honestly! this is very annoying!#my vision tried to tunnel exactly Once but i fought it off. idiot meatsuit....#breathing exercises and internal mantras babeyyyyyy i got this shit on Lock#oh! and look at that! my heart is finally chilling out#still gonna eat water and drink fruit#yall should do that too. at least the water part#go drink water! go! shoo!#hydrate or diedrate! always pick hydrate!#absolutely unprompted#alright well that was fun. only lasted for about *checks nonexistent watch* over an hour#i dont think ive had one that bad before! it really tried to Get Me!#had to fight off the deep sense of dread and rising panic with a mental broom!!#finishing my rebels rewatch helped but still. damn. these demons have hands#my brain: OH WE'RE DYING WE'RE DYING ITS A HEART ATTACK WE'RE GONNA DIE AND ROT FOR DAYS BEFORE OUR BODY IS FOUND OH GOD ITS HAPPENING#hard cut to me vibing with a martini.... wii music on blast... hawaiian shirt On and Unbuttoned...#anyway. drink some water. get some fruit. Thrive!
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existennialmemes · 1 month
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Reject Toxic Positivity. Embrace
Cathartic Complaining
Save me your silver lining, now it's time for pout and whining.
Pretending your problems aren't problems isn't "having a good attitude." It's Denial. The word for that is denial. And it's way less useful than just complaining about what's wrong.
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thedreadvampy · 11 hours
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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dreamlogic · 7 months
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#chronic blogging#current emotion#post-hysto pain has been getting steadily worse over the last month & is now accompanied by near constant nausea#can't even do my PT stretches anymore bc of how bad it hurts#so on monday i finally had a FUCK IT IT'S TANTRUM TIME#and checked myself into urgent care for severe abdominal pains#which finally fucking FINALLY resulted in a referral for a second opinion from a different gyno surgeon#who i hope will finally run the ultrasound & CT scan i've been begging other healthcare providers for for months#THERE IS SOMETHING EXTREMELY WRONG WITH MY BODY AND NOBODY IS LISTENING TO ME AND I'M FED UP WITH PRETENDING#THAT EVERYTHING IS WITHIN NORMAL PARAMETERS AND I JUST NEED TO BE PATIENT FOR HEALING & PRACTICE SELF CARE#watching the urgent care PA's face journey as i explained my symptoms how long i've had them & how apathetic my surgeon's response has been#was so incredibly vindicating & cathartic. she gave me a tactful 'i don't necessarily agree with that assessment......'#told me i have already been doing everything she would've recommended & we're long overdue for a second opinion since it isn't helping#and gave me her blessing to go pitch a fit in the ER if my symptoms get any worse before my appointment with the new surgeon#i'm EXHAUSTED and i'm SCARED and it's ABOUT GODDAMN TIME someone in medicine listened to me & took me seriously#been hovering in the 4-7 range on this chart for a disgusting amount of time. now i'm locked in at 8+ and not backing down
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coquelicoq · 7 months
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my grandmother knows how much i love the moon and she's started clipping articles out of the paper whenever they're space-related and mailing them to me and i've taken to calling her whenever there's an interesting celestial body visible to the naked eye in the night sky. it's a cute lil way that we bond and has had the happy side effect that now in addition to all the other reasons i love to see the moon, i now also love it because it's something i get to share with her. this is all important context that my friends didn't have last week when we turned a corner and my reaction to seeing the full moon hanging huge and bright and beautiful right in front of us was to shout "i need to call my grandmother!!" now, i'm not sure what conclusions i would have jumped to were i in their position, but i feel like "my friend's grandmother must be a werewolf" would have been low on the list of possibilities. that's just me though.
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being autistic is like. so nothing is ever going to be easy? it's always going to be this hard? no amount of medical appointments will ever make me better? my entire life i'm going to be told that it can't be that bad if i was able to get a job and get along with people and there's really not much they can do for me. that they can address the symptoms (depression, anxiety, etc) but i need to do a blood test first to see if it's not just anaemia, and have i considered that i'm just tired out from work? and i seem fine honestly it's probably not even autism, everyone gets a little bit overwhelmed sometimes. here, have some magnesium. if you eat more vegetables you'll be fine. there's nothing else we can do. my computer says you're not autistic because you were able to make friends and you show signs of empathy. no i haven't updated my autism research since 1996. you're making a big deal out of nothing you seem fine. we can't help you. you seem fine. we can't help you. we can't help you. we can't help you.
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rewrite-canon · 7 months
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me when sad media piece about romantic relationship: light work no reaction
me when sad media piece about sibling dynamic: oh. okay. its got a little kick.
me when sad media piece about child-parental figure dynamic: LET ME GET UP LET ME GET UP LET ME GET UP ELT MEGET UP ELT ME GET UP ELTMR FJETY UP LEGBR LE FEOT UP
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kestreleve · 17 days
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I really thought it would be a good idea to mow the yard in full sun mid 90 degree weather
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lovelaceisntdead · 27 days
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i think i just need to rewatch lost.
#that will fix me i think.#because i am doing. bad. i know i have not been keeping this a secret but i feel very stuck and i don't really know what to do.#my general anxiety levels are much higher than they usually are and um. i don't really know why. which then just makes it worse.#and i feel so down and hopeless. i can't make myself feel excited about things. i have hardly any motivation#and no energy to do anything even if i did#like yellowjackets s3 starting production and i just don't feel excited about it and it's making me really sad#and I'm getting upset about things that i feel silly for getting upset about and i can't say anything because I'm embarrassed#for being upset in the first place#i feel so incredibly disconnected from everyone around me it's so hard to talk to anyone#I'm running on autopilot most of the time at the moment#and I'm finding it so hard not to push people away. but at the same time i feel so out of place and I'm dissociating a lot so.#idk whay I'm saying with this#i just feel like i need to get stuff out because i feel so anxious i might explode#and with the weather getting warmer a lot of my physical symptoms are flaring up. anf being in this house is so suffocating#i feel like i can inly exist in this perpetual state of fine. can't be any worse can't be any better#I'm just constantly pretending that I'm just Okay because it's easier than having to deal wirh anything else. but i know I'm really just#causing myself more harm.#I'm done now. just trying to relieve some of the pressure i am feeling in my whole entire body.
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it makes me so sad every time i have to mark a character unpostable in my spreadsheet bc the only evidence given is "vibes" 😭 please, I can't justify posting it to myself if you don't have actual evidence
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