#very happy with the results thus far

[lonicera-caprifolium]

In light of recent hand-holding news, I finally redrew (this one) 💖💖💖

[sadtonight]

"OH MY GOD YES, YEESSSSS!!!!!"

Summary: people know you as a short-spoken, stone faced perfect, appearing completely apathetic and emotionless. But even with those circumstances he managed to fall in love with you. One simple message asking you out on your first date... turned out to be too much for you to handle;

Characters: dorm leaders;

Warnings: none, reader is gender neutral, reader is Ramshackle perfect with Grim, newly established romantic relationships;

Side notes: guess who remembered about Grim? This work is sponsored by "internal screaming" gang (and me 🍃)

Riddle

— at last he was relatively free: there was no unbirthday party to be held, all the homework was complete and equestrian club activities concluded. Although one thought in particular still seemed to be somewhat daunting: Riddle wanted to progress with the romantic relationship you two had started some time ago. It was "about time" to arrange....a romantic date with you...

— it wasn't Riddle's idea per say, he was clueless about how relationships fared since his parents, well, weren't the perfect image of what love looked like. Ace was, on the other hand, aware how everything worked to everyone's surprise (and to his annoyance), so he boldly suggested his dorm leader to just ask you out via simple text message;

— the suggestion didn't sit right with the red haired boy — you didn't show your emotions that much, which sometimes left Riddle with the sense of fear looming behind, afraid of making mistakes when it came to relationships. You were understanding and kind, always reassuring him that everything was alright. All of the sudden Riddle got a rush of anxiety that he stubbornly suppressed: one short greetings and an invitation, that's it;

— however, your lack of quick response only fueled his worries. He knew it, he should've had a proper meeting! The boy headed from the stables straight to the Ramshackle dorm, when suddenly he was yanked out from his thoughts by a scream which erupted not too far. Riddle picked up the pace, rushing to the source with newfound seriousness until....

"IT CAN'T BE REAL. RIDDLE ASKED ME ON A DATE, I'M FINALLY GOING ON A DATE WITH RIDDLEEEEE!!!" you breathlessly yelled and spinned few times around the nearby bushes that happened to be rose ones. You craned you head to smell the tea rose — it's sugary smell already setting you into the romantic mood: delicious tea and desserts shared with Riddle! You couldn't contain your excitement!

— all previous concern evaporated, leaving Riddle wordlessly stand there after what he had witnessed. Normally, the red haired would scold you for rising your voice in public, but this time he forgave you. Because, now Riddle wanted to scream along with you: he was very happy that the two of you were going on a date, too!

Leona

— when guys from Savanaclaw saw you first time around they stupidly believed you to be as cleaver as a domestic cattle. But unlike them, Leona saw you being a few steps higher than the idiots, since you were mostly silent because of the brains that you actually possessed. Same brains that rested in a adorable head of yours;

— that's right: obviously not out loud but the thing was, Leona was in love with you. The person who was as emotional as a brick. The beastman tried so many times to get any reaction of you with little results thus far — the only time you properly showed something was when he had to confess his feelings, doubting you would have guts to do that first;

—although you were showing the signs of mutual attraction, soon Leona got bored from the cat-mouse game and just spilled the beans one day. Ever since that, you two were officially a pair, though you weren't constantly attached to his hip for better or worse. Ruggie quickly refused the searching chore, so the dorm leader had to use his phone more often to notify you of his whereabouts;

— currently he was resting on a soft grass in the empty greenhouse, one arm supporting his head and the other holding his phone. A thought about calling you briefly came to his mind. Nah, Leona yawned: a message asking you on a date would do just fine. When the beastman was done he closed his eyes for a moment, only for his ear to pick up a sound which he recognised very well. It was a notification sound, not from his device, after a second of which an abrupt scream echoed in a vacant greenhouse;

—"YEESSSS. HAHAHAHAHAHA NO FREAKING WAY, LEONAAA KINGSCOLAAAARRR I LOVE YOUUUUU" followed by the sounds of shoes hitting the ground, which were akin to someone jumping at one place. Still clad in white coat you dashed out of the botanical garden back to the lab where Grim was, completely engrossed in your rejoicing that you didn't notice a pair of green eyes following your form, concealed behind the tropical trees and plants;

— tch, you could be really damn loud. It was annoying, so annoying that Leona didn't make any attempts at shaking off the soft look and genuine smile that appeared on his face. That bastard Ruggie teased him the whole evening about how mushy the lion was, but it didn't matter. Leona had a date with you, that's where the real fun would begin;

Azul

— no-one could imagine that someone as talkative as Octavinelle dorm leader would date someone with few words to spare. And certainly, your terse replies did bewilder Azul even to this day, however, he quickly accepted that part of you but not without kindly advising you to add more words to your speech. What's more, he adjusted to your strange-- ah he meant, fascinating communication style as best as he could;

— though it wasn't necessary since you fell in love with Azul the way he was. On the other side of things octomer had hard time recognising just what exactly he felt towards you. You nor Grim were barely of any value — even as workers both of you were easily replaceable. Additionally you were frankly put, poor, and rarely came without Ace and Deuce duo to dine in the Mostro Lounge;

— and yet Azul liked your company the most: it was refreshing to be listened for once with no judgement following afterwards. Although this way, he accidentally confirmed that he indeed harboured romantic feelings towards you. It wasn't the smoothest love confession, the one Azul deeply regrets making, yet it happened so he had to live with it for the rest of his life;

— next step would be frequent meetings, which he couldn't arrange due to his busy schedule. But it didn't prevent Azul from wanting to go on dates! Thus he settled for a laconic text message due to how packed the restaurant was when a generous discount was offered that day, he physically couldn't send anyone nor himself to deliver the invitation. Octomer was in office discussing with Jade what were the plans for the rest of the evening until their conversation halted upon hearing the sounds of commotion slipping from the main dinning hall;

— "OH MY GOD????? AZUUUUUULLL, GRIM AZUL-- I CAN'T BELIEVE ITTTT. HE ASKING ME OUT ON A-- ON A DATE!!!!"— your cried out, startling grey monster and others who were present in the restaurant. Poor Grim even dropped the piece of fish he had on a fork right on the floor, not that it stopped him from picking it up later, but he still whined for you to keep eating in silence;

— ....this.... energetic reaction from you surely was a great surprise to Azul. Equally astonished Jade turned to face his dorm leader, but the later only folded his glasses on the desk and layed his face into his palms. Azul could feel just how his face was burning from the embarrassment through the white gloves. It was amused Floyd who entered the office, with no filter repeating what just happened that forced octomer to tear his face away and order him to be quite in an unusually flustered high tone.

Kalim

— Scarabia dorm leader was tasked with something that was harder even than the homework teachers assigned: Kalim desperately wanted to ask you on a date! But....how would he do it? A word from Jamil, a surprise party, firework show— just how must he go about this whole thing? He was completely clueless!

— you were beautiful and wonderful and awesome and much more stuff he could name but you weren't talkative enough for him to understand you fully. At first, Kalim believed you were just shy: so he tried to ease the "tension" but often times he made things worse. Oh he forgot to mention that you were also extremely patient with white haired boy. That's why he fell even more in love with you than at the first sight ha ha!

— honestly Jamil found the whole situation to be needlessly tedious and decided to step in just this one time. First and foremost, Kalim had homework to do and prepare for exams so getting rid of disturbances was top priority. If Kalim had troubles choosing the way to ask you out, then he should just do the simplest thing in the book. Text you in Magicam;

— fortunately the vice dorm leader's proposal sounded good enough for Kalim, who gingerly pulled out his phone from the sand-coloured coat and shoot you a quick message. If the two of them didn't stay in the library to study, Kalim would let out a loud sign of exhaustion. Romance seemed to be so easy in the fairytales, like the one in particular from back home, he recalled. That's when all of the sudden someone let out a yelp that almost made Kalim fall off his chair;

— "WHAT?? A DATE WITH KALIM??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! WOOOOOOOOO YEEEAAAAHHH, LET'S GOOOOO!!!!" you let go of the books you were holding, which fell right on top of Grim's head, and squeezed the phone with both of your hands while staring at the text. The monster was about to angrily tell you off when the librarian came over to you and demanded to be quiet in the reading room;

— Kalim's wide crimson eyes stared directly at wide-eyed Jamil. The later was signalling for the white haired boy to be quiet too and not to make any sounds. But given what Kalim just heard, he couldn't help drumming a little happy beat with his hands against the wooden surface of the table from sheer excitement. He finally saw it, your unrestricted elation!!

Vil

— Vil wasn't the impatient type of person per say. Yet him constantly flicking his eyes back at the clock, which was hanging in the Pomefiore gymnasium that he and other members of the club were currently occupying, would prove otherwise. It wasn't like him — and so it bothered Vil to no end;

— the truth was that beautiful male had too much on his hands recently, which normally wouldn't mean anything if it wasn't for you becoming his partner just a while ago. And by whims of fate, Vil couldn't even partake in the relationship. How ridiculous was that?

— that's not the only reason Vil's attention was drawn to the clock: the weather forecast showed that later today would be raining. And judging by how fast the clock went and his club members — not, the male wouldn't be able to even properly ask you on a date he started planning long time ago;

— Vil wished not to come to this, but it seemed like sending you a messenger via phone would be the best set of actions. The practice was basically over, so the troupe dissolved, each member doing their own thing. That included Epel, who wasn't in the club yet was supposed to do some chore for his dorm leader. The lavender boy hastily dialed your number — he was supposed to give you the history hometasks because Grim didn't note anything down as per usual;

— now just as impatiently awaiting for your reply, Vil looked around the room until he spotted Epel talking to someone on the phone. That's when from the other end he heard a distinct shouting: "I'M DEFINITELY DREAMING, VIL IS ASKING ME ON A DATE AHHHHHHHHHH!! I'M GONNA CRY FROM HAPPINESS, OH GODDD" — which without a doubt belonged to you;

— while first year winced from your loud celebrations, third year had to turn his face to the side and cover his mouth with a hand. Weren't you full of surprises, Vil thought out loud in a half whisper. The male then straighten out, pushing partially blond hair back, and made his way to Epel: he would very much like to speak to you now.

Idia

— Ortho was truly glad to see his brother change for better: despite still prioritizing himself above all, Idia had made tiny changes to improve himself in ways he could. The reason being not solely for himself or his little brother, but also to you, a stranger, a person outside of his circle;

— even the slightest reminder of the two of you being in a romantic relationship made Idia's palms excessively sweaty. With how low Idia's charisma stat was, he continuously speculated how this was all a set up. You were a real life kuudere and he was a socially inept weirdo, and yet with his incoherent rumblings, simultaneously self-deprecating and arrogant way of speaking flamed haired male somehow won your heart over;

— well anyways, what was important is that it didn't feel like he was talking to himself since you actually listened: asking him questions and stuff. Man, Idia really wanted to see you now — he recently found something that would definitely pique your interest. The male ordered Ortho to shoot you a text to come over to his room real quick. Who knows, maybe your eyes would widen and you would go "kyaa" or something, that would be a super rare sight indeed whehehe;

— as on a cue, just outside the door to his room the strangest noises have resounded. "HFSUHSHSUFJGGJGJ, IDIA YES YES I WILL GOOOOOO, I WILL GO ON A DATE WITH YOUUU" screamed a suspiciously familiar voice. The smaller Shroud checked the screen and happily declared that it seems that you were in a close proximity when the text had been sent;

— just what did Ortho typed you?? And THAT was your response?? Why it was so inhumane??? K.O., instantly in a pink blaze, just bury Idia in the ground already. For a second his little brother became really worried about his older brother well-being. Idia would probably die if he was drinking soda at that time. You didn't even know what was going on behind the closed doors, and maybe, that's for the best.

Malleus

— people were always a puzzling creatures, yet you proved to be even more enigmatic than those Malleus was fortunate enough to interact with. With little to no emotion and no unimportant word ever spoken you seemed cold and distant, just like his beloved gargoyles up on the roofs;

— for that reason he took a liking to you: meeting after meeting, Malleus came to see if you would show him anything, any smallest signs of emotion. He has become rather greedy with this, with constant need for your presence. However, how could briar prince be around you without any specific reason? And so the reason was created — you were his partner from at some point on;

— while it meant that his visits were now justified, Malleus did not know just what exactly romantic relationship carried with themselves. Undeniably, he felt his heart ache with adoration but what could he do to show you that? That's when his fae guardian came in for the rescue: Lilia, who took it upon to himself to teach everything he knows about dating;

— while Lilia had good intentions, the tale about "romantic dates" that humans practiced intrigued Malleus so much so he immediately wanted to hold one, which wasn't the initial plan. It took time to convince young prince to not disturb you at midnight, when you could possibly be already fast asleep, and instead send you a text message which you would read later. Not completely convinced, Malleus caved in, agreeing to go though the other fae's suggestions and under his guidance sending a bit too formal, awkward invitation for a date;

— not being sure what to do now, the dragon fae stared at the screen when the pop up window about the video call appeared. Confused, Lilia instructed him to press the green button, and just when Malleus's fingers came into contact with his phone it erupted in shouts;

—"GRIIIIIIIIM, LOOK. MALLEUS ASKED ME OUT ON THE DATE, HE WROTE ME A MESSAGE IN MAGICAM. IT'S REAL, GRIMMMMMM!!" your face wasn't visible, yet the voice undeniably belonged to you. You must have accidentally pushed the video call button, Lilia guessed as he chuckled, muting the microphone not to ruin the moment;

— Malleus had hard time understanding technologies, but what was crystal clear to him is your feelings. Now he had a better grasp of what was going on in your head. Truly, the fae was more than satisfied: to witness such a boisterous reaction just from a mere messege. Malleus couldn't wait to see what else you could reveal to him....

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Symptoms of a System Error: The Manifestation of Myungha's Depression in Love for Love's Sake

Ok I will almost certainly have more thoughts about this when I go back to rewatch Love for Love’s Sake in the next couple weeks, but I’ve been thinking about the finale for the last couple of hours and I want to get some stuff out of my head. Before I get too far in to this, I want to say that I think most of the ambiguity in the show is brilliantly executed in a way that allows people to take whatever meaning they want to from it without contradicting each other, without stepping on toes, and without having to twist or bend the narrative beyond all recognition to  make it make sense. 

So I want to talk about the use of depression in this show, because the way Myungha exists in the world is recognizable enough to me that these moments of choice, and the system errors were extremely legible. That doesn’t mean my take is the correct one (and I honestly don’t think there is one right answer here anyway) but it’s what I got out of it, so with the needless ramble complete, let’s get to it. 

Prologue

gif by @dramascene

I connected rather quickly to Myungha as a character from right near the beginning of episode 1 because of how passionate he was about the character of Yeowoon and how much he hoped for a happy ending for that character. As someone who processes a lot of my feelings, and who understands myself better through media consumption, I was quick to appreciate the fact that Myungha recognizes the parts of himself that speak to Yeowoon and to know that because Yeowoon is fictional, he has a chance not to suffer with merely a stroke of a pen. The Author could have chosen from the beginning to give Yeowoon a happy ending, and did not because he believes that there are people for whom bad things will never stop happening. But from the perspective of a fictional story, the Author should consider who he is writing the story for. Myungha connects to Yeowoon, and it sends one hell of a tragic message for how Myungha’s life will end up if even in fiction the people who suffer have no hope of happiness. 

Myungha tells the Author that someone like Cha Yeowoon, someone like him [Myungha] with awful lives can still be happy. Looking back on that statement with the knowledge that Myungha kills himself, sends a very clear message, at least for me, of the hope that he was clinging to and finally lost his grip on. The Author asks if Myungha can change the outcome, and thus begins our story.

Debuffs

Now, I don’t know that I will have much more to say here than what @jemmo said in their very brilliant post, beyond the fact I agree with their interpretation of the debuffs. But I am thinking about the debuffs as it relates to mental health and to Myungha’s independence. One of Myungha’s first missions is to befriend Cha Yeowoon, and we see the difficulties associated with doing so when it comes to the Fondness Level meter and the debuffs that happen as a result. I love what Jess said about the dichotomy there: the debuffs mean that every time Myungha gets close to Yeowoon, something bad happens, Myungha uses that as a reason to stay away from Yeowoon to protect him when in fact, being around Myungha and increasing his fondness for him is the only way to really keep Yeowoon safe. 

gif by @dramascene

And here again there is something recognizable to me in this dichotomy. Myungha likes Yeowoon, Myungha wants to be friends with Yeowoon, every time something bad might happen to Yeowoon, Myungha is there to intervene. But Myungha is convinced that the potentially negative events that might occur during a debuff are because of him, and so he avoids Yeowoon as much as he possibly can. To me this makes the debuffs a stand in for depression symptoms. Myungha has convinced himself that he is the cause of the bad moments in Yeowoon’s day. Myungha has convinced himself that Yeowoon would be better off if they weren’t friends, because he only makes things worse. And that is not something he can easily shake off, it’s not something he can logic his way out of, that’s the game, that’s just how it is. And so he withdraws until Yeowoon comes to him. 

And honestly thinking about it, nothing bad really happens during those debuffs. The light doesn’t shatter, the boys back off on the bus, Yeowoon doesn’t punch Sangwon. Maybe the reason why nothing at all happens is because Myungha intervenes. Maybe if Myungha hadn’t been there, the light would have broken, maybe if Myungha hadn’t been there Yeowoon would have punched Sangwon. But that is not a lens that Myungha is capable of viewing himself through, that is never an option that crosses Myungha’s mind because he is too focused on feeling like the cause of Yeowoon’s problems. 

System Errors

I know there is a lot of confusion or at least uncertainty around the system errors. Why are they happening? Where are they coming from? For me, I think the answer is Myungha himself. The first time we get a system error, it’s in Episode 6, what I think is the day after Yeowoon and Myungha have their first kiss and very soon after Yeowoon and Myungha kiss on the rooftop at school. The first error isn’t subtle, but it’s not explicitly stated. Myungha walks in to a room to take a phone call and walks in to the middle of band practice, falling through the world as he tries to remove himself from the situation until he (literally) runs in to Yeowoon. Myungha goes home that night and gets his first moments in the black abyss, and the first explicit mention via pop-up of a system error. I have not gone through (yet) to track every instance of what happens before a system error pop-up occurs from that point on, but I will say moment that was most legible for me in terms of indicating that these system errors were stemming from Myungha himself were when he gets the notification both times that Yeowoon looks directly at him and tells Myungha “I love you.” 

gif by @dragonsareawesome123

That moment was a guy punch for me because I was not able to see it any other way except that Myungha is so incapable of believing that people could actually love him that someone telling him directly and sincerely that they love him cannot exist in his world. He literally cannot compute it, and thus an error occurs. Again from the perspective of depression, or trauma, or what have you, this is familiar to me. It is perhaps the most reflective part of Myungha to my own psyche. Neither of us know how to be loved. 

Myungha is called out on this repeatedly, he is nice to everyone, he does so much for everyone and refuses to ask for help himself. I’m the same way, I will bend over backwards as much as I can to help the people that I care about, but it is a rare occasion where I can ask for help myself. I’m not sure if this is the case for Myungha, but for me at least a lot of that stems from needing to make myself useful to people in some way so they keep me around. And so I end up feeling like a commodity to the people that I care about and help, and merely tolerated by anyone else that I do not help but that interacts with me any way. Myungha is called out consistently by multiple people, real or NPC about this similar habit. Myungha does not want to be a burden, Myungha only cares about other people’s happiness, Myungha is not happy himself and has maybe never been happy and so he pours everything he can in to lightening the load for others. 

He loves Yeowoon, but to be loved by Yeowoon is different. To experience any moments of joy cannot possibly be real. Maybe I am projecting too much on to the character, but it makes complete and total sense to me that Myungha’s worldview would break down upon having someone state wholeheartedly that they want to be a support system for him. 

Cruel Choices

gif by @dramascene

With the enmeshment of depression and video game mechanics in mind, I want to talk about the scene at the end of Episode 6. I love this scene so much for a number of reasons: 

It turns the game on a head for me as we slip further and further in to a nightmare scenario

It raises the stakes and attempts to get Myungha to make a hard choice 

It forces Myungha to think about what is important to him 

It’s ultimate purpose and who is posting the mission is ambiguous/uncertain 

I’m going to focus on number four. I think it is a perfectly valid read to see this and all video game mechanics as designed by The Author in an effort to help Myungha change Yeowoon’s story in which case this mission feels particularly vindictive and cruel. @lurkingshan posed the question in a conversation we were having about Love for Love’s Sake, where she wondered why the game could not hold two sources of love for Myungha at once. I love that question because it made me realize how differently this show can be read and how important who you choose to read as the entity in control of this game is for what this scene specifically means and I love so many interpretations of it, I love the interpretation that is was simply cruel, I love the interpretation that in retrospect this was the Author being angry at Myungha for dying, I love the reflection from @jemmo that said this felt like a choice between staying rooted in the past (sparing grandma) or choosing a future (sparing Yeowoon)

For me, I think I am leaning heavily in to the pop ups are under Myungha’s subconscious control, his mind, the missions he thinks are important, the problems he thinks he is causing are what is driving the base game. Because of this my base instinct is to lean in to the depression/anxiety/trauma tent where things have been going a little too well for him lately and he has convinced himself that he is due for something bad to happen. I am happy to once again acknowledge that this probably projection, but I know that my own mental illness(es) does not let my peace linger for long. Myungha is spending so much time with Yeowoon, Yeowoon who grounds him when his world is literally falling apart. Yeowoon who cannot contain his smile whenever he is around Myungha, Yeowoon who is downright desperate to bestow love and support upon Myungha, Yeowoon who has accompanied Myungha to the hospital late at night to be there for his boyfriend in a stressful time, and Myungha can’t have that. He loves his grandmother, he loves Yeowoon, they both love him and so obviously means that something bad is going to happen to them. 

gif by @25shadesoffebruary

[As an aside I am thinking about what the Author said in the final episode about wanting Myungha to be able to see himself from the outside, and how I took that to mean Yeowoon is supposed to be a reflection of Myungha and a journey to self love, and how Yeowoon told Myungha that something bad always happens to the people around him in relation to this hospital scene]

Secondarily, I do think being confronted with this choice at all allows Myungha to have a moment of reflection, and is clarifying for him to know that both Yeowoon and his grandmother are important people in his life that he doesn’t want to lose. That’s fucking huge, in my opinion at least. And for all this mission was cruel, it was the first time Myungha refused to complete the mission. He was asked to save one, he decided to save both, and the game could have been cruel and taken his grandmother and Yeowoon away for refusing to choose, but it didn’t. They both got to live, and sure Myungha’s mission to make Yeowoon happy was shortened significantly, but I do think fifteen days was enough time to be successful in his mission if the depression and the grief had not gotten to Myungha instead. 

Grief 

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Something about grief that my therapist told me once was grieving people love helping others. And I think that is the case of Myungha here just based on the way he throws himself in to helping as many people as he can, especially Yeowoon. He knows Yeowoon is grieving, he knows Yeowoon is struggling, and he can distract himself from his own shit by helping Yeowoon instead. But once Myungha is confronted with the possibility that either one of the people that he loves could die, the penality for failing in his mission to make Yeowoon happy looms over his head like a knife. Just like Myungha considered himself the problem with the debuff, he knows how high of a likelihood it is that Yeowoon would regress, would isolate, would sink into a massive low. 

And it would be Myung’s fault (in his mind). 

Especially because Yeowoon keeps saying that even thinking about going on dates with Myungha is making him happy but Myungha’s mission isn’t complete. Myungha has started to get low, he is not as engaged in his relationship with Yeowoon, he’s convinced himself he is going to fail, and is thus setting himself up for failure because he decides 15 days is not enough time to find happiness, but it is enough time to break somebody’s heart in preparation for a devastating loss. And maybe, maybe Myungha would have snapped out of it with enough time to spare initially, but any hope of that being the case was shattered the second Yeowoon admitted that he wasn’t happy because Myungha wasn’t relying on him. 

Myungha is so used to be self-reliant there is no way for him to break out of that habit in just two weeks. Myungha knew his death would hurt Yeowoon, but the final nail in the coffin for him was learning that his life was hurting Yeowoon too. And he almost got there, he almost did it, he admitted that he didn’t know how to, but he withdrew at the last second. He has spent all this time, all this energy, all this focus in to changing Yeowoon, he does not have the space to do that for himself. 

The Choice 

gif by @supanuts

The last moment I will really speak to as it relates to my interpretation of this game being controlled by Myungha as a manifestation of his depression is the author’s pen. Considering the fact The Author asked Myungha if he wanted to try again, I do not think if the Author was controlling this game world that he would have had Myungha disappear from it. Because according to the Gaga subs, the change that Myungha writes is that he wants Yeowoon to be happy, and immediately upon finishing that request, Myungha starts to fade. 

If we hold these game mechanics as manifestations of Myungha’s depression, which I do, it makes complete and total sense to me that Myungha would fall back in to the pattern of believing that Yeowoon would be happier if Myungha wasn’t there. Yeowoon has a modeling deal now, he has some modicum of fame, he has friends now, he has supports in place that he did not have before, so what need does Yeowoon have of him, when his inability to let people love him is what is now causing Yeowoon to feel sad. 

And I think that massive server error at the end where the world is burning and the universe is melting in to the game is a result of Myungha realizing too little, too late that this isn’t what he wanted. But it can’t be undone. The line he says when he is sinking in to the water about how at the last minute before he died, he regretted it. The game, the drowning here are one in the same to me. 

And for me there was just something so beautiful and hopeful from Myungha telling The Author that he wants to try again. We started the show with Myungha telling The Author miserable people can be happy, and we end the show with Myungha and Yeowoon finally getting the happy ending they never thought they would have. 

gif by @junghaesin

God I loved this show.

[ivesambrose]

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Aries : your entire being is focused on career or studies, finances and the material aspects of your life this month. You want to be back with a bang and waste no time. Earlier you may have felt like you had lost an opportunity that was going to bring you a lot of wealth or would have benefitted you in terms of your future goals or career but you'll realize that one door closed and another one opened that led to something far better. That likely you were going to settle for something smaller but the universe had other plans. If you had made investments previously expect sudden gains or if you choose to invest you'll see gains later on this year. Emotionally however, you might feel like your cups are empty or you aren't tending to them as much. You might have a moment of purging of grief that you've been carrying which will bring you catharsis. Some of you might be worried about your mother's health, if you're female please tend to your hormonal health and try to reduce your stress levels. Lastly, don't bite off more than you can chew.

Taurus : You'll regain your childlike optimism, finding little reasons to be happy, expecting good the best instead of the worst. You'll also be excited about the several opportunities or options in front of you that you will manifesting. You'll feel very close to your friends and family, you'll have an event to bond better with them. You have lot of ideas that are unconventional in nature and you'll feel tempted to act on all of them and you likely will. You'll have a lot of energy but that might also lead to burn out so be remain cautious of your Physical health especially if you're working out at the gym. Emotionally you'll be feeling estatic likely due to wealth, business opportunities, indulging in some luxuries, spoiling yourself etc mostly you'll be too focused on your own joy and beauty to fixate on anyone else at the moment. You'll also be more sensitive to intuitive downloads, you'll feel as though a higher force is looking over you and is guiding you when it comes to your life path. Hold your head high.

Gemini : You might feel as though people are little judgemental of you or don't exactly see eye to eye with you when it comes to your career prospects or creative ventures. You aren't sure who wants to help you or take credit for whatever you do. You want to march to the beat of your own drum but you might feel unsure or even fickle minded by what lies ahead. You don't know which path to choose or if you're making any progress. That might lead to some anxiousness. You're advised to calm your head and clear the clutter of your surroundings. You don't want to hear it but you're indeed thinking way too much and acting way too little and thus you remain stuck. Help will be available when you least expect it and stop looking for it. Fix your sleeping schedule and try doing some gentle eye and head massages. Look at the bigger picture. You might get opportunities to travel by end of this month that will be an entire energy shift and could be a possible game changer for you as well.

Cancer : You've been working too hard the past few months, it hasn't brought you the exact results that you hoped it would. You're starting this year finding balance between work and hobbies/me time. Some of you might even get an extra source of income however. You may have romance coming in as you focus on the softer aspects of your life. There might be someone who instills faith and power within you, maybe they aren't around you, could be someone from afar. But they want to see you win at any cost and will push you towards your best. You'll end up having a wish granted somehow, something you have been hoping for will come true. There's a cycle of suffering that is as tight as a knot that you'll be cutting through and free of. You'll receive unexpected help from a friend or a place you've spent your childhood.

Leo : You'll be climbing the ladder of success, there is Inevitable progression in whatever you're working towards. You'll be catching up with old friends and even making new ones. They will encourage you in different aspects of your life and you'll learn a lot from them you might be studying something like a new language or something to do with geography, animals or even farming. The money you spend will come back to you but do spend wisely regardless. Some of you might be getting married or committed. Others of you may have some discord or shortlived strife to deal with. Maybe people competing with you for no reason or arguments at home. Eitherway, you'll be focused on the positive and being as radiant as ever.

Virgo : You're seeing this month as the opening of a movie you haven't seen. In other words, you're treating this as a whole new chapter, you don't want to carry a single old energy or thought process into this year. You're in awe of your own journey. You're preparing yourself for an adventure. You might be writing, documentating, reading, interacting and even learning new skills or languages a lot. Some of you might be preparing to relocate or leave a place. Emotionally, you'll be feeling very fulfilled you might be having suitors, you may fall in love, have someone fall for you or might just find your reason to fall in love with life. Wealth and financial opportunities from overseas will be a big theme too. Start preparing yourself for your new life.

Libra : A new work opportunity that leads you to relocate or leave one thing behind for something better. Mostly I'm seeing something has worked out for you when it comes to your finances so you can allow yourself to lead with your heart and explore spirituality a little more. You'll be maturing as well and taking more accountability when it comes to how you act and what you say or excuses you make and change certain behavioural patterns. I see you looking forward to spending more time with your friends or attending a social gathering or event you'll feel some relief and allow yourself to have fun instead of wanting to control every aspect of your life and seeing it go out of balance. Go and live.

Scorpio : Dedicated work, practice, effort, diligent labour, all if it will add up and pay off for you. Maybe enjoying or self care aren't even your priority at least for this month. You sincerely do have a lot on your plate, you do want to collaborate or simply make substantial progress. This can be anything at all but it will bring you a lot of emotional fulfilment Inevitably. Nothing much to add except, that you be less harsh on yourself and don't ghost the ones who care for you. Cater to that side of you that too wants to be heard & held.

Sagittarius : A particular uncertainty or excess load that you've been carrying will come to an end. There's a matter that will be resolved. You'll feel extremely thankful for it, because you got what you wanted so now you can walk ahead or away from what had been making you feel 50 - 50 for quite some time. It felt like you were the only one giving it your 100 but the outcome wasn't what you had hoped for. I see you being guarded or keeping certain matters to yourself, this could be your long term plans and investments. You might catch a break and revisit old hobbies, places, friends or an interest you had abandoned.

Capricorn : You need to rest or you'll face extreme levels of exhaustion. You might be feeling the need to slow down, feeling more sleepy too, check your vitamin D levels, try and get some sunlight if you can. Dip your feet in warm water and look after your feet in general there might be some heartache or betrayal, might just be memories from the past, there's some ache you carry or have been carrying for quite a long time. You've expressed it but now you feel empty. I do someone being a balm to your heart, might be a fated person you encounter you'll be encouraged to heal your inner child, indulge in some whimsies, day dreaming, walking barefoot in nature and eating more wholesome organic meals. There will be people who treat you with the same kindness you show them too.

Aquarius : You'll be feeling comforted and loved. So anyone else's ill intentions or projected negativity won't matter. Things have started looking up for you slowly but surely, so you're at a place in your life you really do priotrize your peace over anything else. It's simply not worth it, paying heed to anyone's repetitive drama, to people who can't commit and won't progress beyond 3 days of effort. You might be spending time with animals or a pet, you'd feel really connected to them. You'll find happiness seeing others be happy or getting what they want. You might visit some art fairs, museums or start painting or drawing again as well. Mostly for yourself since you're happy with how far you've come so there's no need to rush anymore.

Pisces : Stability and happiness, finally. This can come in the form of a wedding, better relationship with your spouse or loved one or even family, finances improving, health improving etc a combination of all. After a long time, you can be at ease. Sudden increase in fortune or business is also extremely possible, travel is also in the cards, you'll also see the luck of the people you care for or befriend, increase. You might be prone to skin issues however, so please opt for hydrating products also stay warm and do your stretches.

©️ 𝓘𝓿𝓮𝓼𝓪𝓶𝓫𝓻𝓸𝓼𝓮

[noneorother]

The art director & the Good Omens book cover tier list of doom, part 2

Part 1 l Part 2

I am your resident Art Director/Good Omens enthusiast, and welcome to my completely meta-free book cover tier list. Listen, making a book cover is HARD. I should know. But while we salute these artists for their hard work and time, I think we can all admit that once in a while, the vision is just not on. And on very rare occasions, publishers seemed to have managed to commission the cover art directly from hell... here's where we left off last time:

Onwards and upwards, as they say. 11. International paperbacks, Goda Omen

It is inexplicable to me but I LOVE this cover art. It's so sweet and innocent, the colours are contrasty and fun, and the layout leaves enough room for the text. Maybe I would call it slightly inaccurate to have our boys dancing on Greenland while the UK has drowned in a great flood, but hey. It's charming. The international cover gets a thwack with a ruler for trying to fit "creator of Discworld" in between the two wings like that, though. Tier: Great

12. Italian Cover, Buona Apocalisse à tutti!

The Italian translation of Good Omens into "Happy Apocalypse to All!" really tickles my funny bone. Unlike this cover which is trying to scrape at it with a dull knife until I'm screaming on the floor. I know demons can only dance badly, but does Crowley *really* have to fracture both ankles while trying? Aziraphale pelvic thrusting his way into heaven is a visual I didn't think I'd ever want. Minus so many points for random murder alley where this is all occurring. At least the designer managed to wrangle the type into one of the best proportional layouts I've seen thus far? Tier: Bad

13. Italian Cover, Good Omens

A truly valiant attempt here to rectify a terrifying situation with that earlier Italian version. While this one actually seems much more interesting at a glance, the details kinda get to me. The Bentley's steering being on the wrong side, the word Omens kindasortanotfquite fitting on the black wing, the motorcycles with no drivers... TIMES NEW ROMAN FOR THE AUTHORS NAMES. I don't think it can even be redeemed by the most powerfully rendered Sacred Heart/Cardi B W.A.P. imagery I've ever seen. Tier: Good (Omens)

14. Japanese cover, Good Omens

Look, this designer GETS IT. Crowley and Aziraphale are a pair, a group of the two of us. Do not separate. It's also the only cover I've seen that uses shades of grey! The woodcut vibes are STRONG AND POWERFUL. The type is well placed! I should love this, except the end result kinda looks like a manual for clinical depression in the workplace? It's ending up higher on the list than it deserves, frankly.

Tier: Good (Omens)

15. Japanese cover, Good Omens

This cover might as well be an Ethereal/Occult firemen's calendar. Someone wanted teens to cut off this cover and tape it to their bedroom wall. I can't even judge the typography or the symbolism because I'm just getting hit with waves of pheromones and angst. I can't even tell if it's good but it's going in the Good pile because I can't look at it anymore...

Tier: Good (Omens)

16. Japanese covers, Good Omens

Other people have assured me that this is, in fact, a dual Good omens cover. Alas, I cannot tell. I don't possess compound eyes or even an exoskeleton, and as such lack the ability to decipher these decisions.

Tier: WTF

16. Japanese cover, Good Omens

Holy overlap, Batman! I can’t fault this designer for wanting to reuse the wonderful dual illustrations in a Ying-Yang layout, all the elements are there, but there’s a clinginess to the type and positioning that makes me feel like someone is trying to hurt the letters? Is this designer okay? Do they need a hug?

Tier: Does the Job

18. Chinese cover, Good Omens

Can I say how charming it is they’ve managed to conserve the halo and devils tale on the Chinese title, as well as the woodcut detailing? However, the simplicity of the cute, contrasting wing design is sadly swallowed by the intense, New-York taxi cab vibes coming off the yellow and checkerboard text block. It could have been so good! Chinese readers: I am mad on your behalf!

Tier: Not so good (Omens)

19. UK 1991 paperback, Good Omens

What are we doing here, people. I think I've stepped into a Jungian analysis of what it feels like to have read Good Omens. It's dreamy yet unsettling. Right yet very wrong. And Ol' "Tiny Hands" Aziraphale up there is really judging me for what they found inside my mind. In less upsetting news, we've kept the improved typography and layout of the authors and book title. All is not lost to the nightmare.

Tier: Not so good (Omens)

20. 50 Shades of Gray rip-off cover, Good Omens

*panic* WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE, PEOPLE...?! Bonus : the guardian quote is almost as much of a mystery as the cover it’s on.

Tier: WTF

End of round 2.

[punkpandapatrixk]

Full Harvest Moon in Aries ♦︎ Moon Magick Pick A Card

In my experience, Full Harvest Moon is always significant for those who are more spiritually attuned. This period allows—almost forces, actually—us to die to the previous cycle of our lives much like the trees shedding their leaves. This is a period of slowing down; of calm but maybe also a little bit of depression; of sweeping changes and moving places; of pausing and recalibration; which could cause a sickening sense of losing control of our lives, though in reality, we’re just being prepared for a massive transformation.

If anything, all these changes are the perfect answers to all you’ve prayed for! It’s harvest time for a lot of us! Some of us are having a mini harvest but those are results nevertheless. You’ve done marvellously well to be here right now. And haven’t you grown so much? I’m grateful you’ve made it this far.

Speak into existence your higher intent this Harvest Moon. Be at peace knowing that whatever transpires, everything works out in your favour. Your manifestations are protected, more than you may realise. Work on beautifying all elements of your Life, taking care of all aspects of your physical and spiritual health, and most of all, enjoy Life. All the changes you’ve managed to manifest thus far. There’s plenty more coming but you can’t compete with Destiny, yeah?

All in Divine Timing~🌕Congratulations and happy harvest~🌾

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Pile 1 – Returning to the Essentials

intent – Ace of Pentacles

You’ve made it exceedingly clear to the Universe that you want a higher sense of stability in your Life. You might’ve come from a background of poverty mindset or that your environment was brimming with individuals operating on lack mindset. A lot of the people you used to surround yourself with were literal peasants in that they’re always hungry for something more… but won’t work on themselves to become a vibrational match to those higher desires. So, essentially, beggars. Beggars for love, for money, attention, recognition, status, you name it.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting those seemingly unspiritual things, what is a problem is the sense of underserving of those things that people won’t even make the first step towards planting those seeds of manifestation for their own personal fulfilment. Such people only end up with rotten envy, jealousy, spite, bitterness, and even resentment. You saw all of that. Swam in an ocean of such mindsets and tendencies. You finally woke up and said, ‘I want none of that nonsense anymore. None of it is natural. I want out!’

sow – 4 of Cups

So, you ejected yourself from those situations and possibly burnt some bridges. It was better to be alone and work on the essentials. You get to know yourself better that way, all strengths and weaknesses, all opportunities and challenges. You’ve enjoyed learning and studying things that inspire you to continue to build a sparkly Life, right? You’ve worked plenty hard on your own fixing your internal compass, haven’t you? None of that will ever go to waste. You were creating vibrational pathways towards your Highest Possible Intended Destiny. It’s time to begin anew with your visions. Your plans are taking shape. You can see clearly where to step in your next chapter of hustle.

I guess, you’re still feeling like you’re not quite there yet. Or that it feels like your desired reality is taking its sweet time. I guess you could be struggling with dissatisfaction every now and then. Or that certain days you can’t believe the insane level of boredom that suddenly strikes. Sometimes you wonder if there’s any meaning to all this internal hustle you’ve been doing. But there totally is and the fact of the matter is that you’re building strength and momentum at the present moment. I suspect very strongly you’re going to be insanely busy in the next cycle of your Life. Cherish this period. It probably will never come again and soon enough this chapter is only gonna remain a memory you recount sometimes as part of your Life’s Story.

reap – 4 of Wands

And finally, I’m sure you’re already feeling this without anyone else telling you: you’re returning to the essentials. You’ve rediscovered the essence of your being. The styles that suit you. Pursuits that delight you genuinely. These are the few things that truly matter to you and that’s all you want to spend energy on. If in the past you were frantically chasing a few forms of aesthetics or had a number of dreams to pursue, you’ve narrowed everything down to only the essentials—the ones that truly make you feel excited, alive.

Although it feels like returning to your inner child essence, at the same time, you’re not the old you. You’re completely brand new. You’re like a transcendent version of your truer self in the past. It feels strangely nostalgic but also novel. Like you’re holding this inexplicable paradox inside of you. But the truth is, you’ve simply transcended above the duality of light and dark, good and bad. You’re now living in the non-dualistic 5D version of this Earth Matrix. Congrats! You’ve truly awakened! Welcome to 5D Earth, Master Manifestor~!

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Your Heart Has the Best Compass

intent – VII The Chariot

First of all, you’re an incredibly intuitive person and to a large extent, I think you’re psychic. You could have one or two of the clairs. Clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience, claircognisance. You are often guided by your intuition to make changes or attempts that may not always look sensible or responsible by other people. But you seem to have disregarded all of other’s expectations or advice. You believed in yourself and decided to pursue something dearly important to your heart. In a manner of speaking, you were following the path of your Destiny, so congrats! You made the right decision. From here on you can only get stronger.

In your physical Reality, I see you experiencing bounds and leaps of good fortune! You don’t need a shooting star to help make your dreams come true now, you are the Star itself. You make what you want come to Light. It’s possible you’re gonna see people in your Reality being more polite, helpful, cuter, kinder, and generally more pleasant. You’d be like, ‘Did I just jump timelines? Is this still the same Earth I’m used to?!’ Well, you quantum jumped into a higher dimension of Reality and you should be proud of all the inner work you’ve done to be in alignment with these higher frequencies!

sow – Knight of Cups

So, this is another water/emotion energy. The Knight here is simply saying you’re ready to take your Life to the next level of happiness—a spiritual variety of contentment whilst living on Earth. I think you want Love? XD You’re beginning to really want what people call ‘5D relationships’. You want to meet your Soul Mates, your Destined Person, your Soul Tribe. You want Love in a peaceful, exciting, creative world. And you’re going to ‘work’ on that. You’ve decided to never let anyone disrespect you for all the weirdness you have to show them. Unapologetic for days. You ain’t afraid to be seen as a bitch, or a weirdo, an alien, or even a villain.

Nevertheless, all that is just the outer package of your person, which is needed to navigate some hardships in Life when they arise. On the inside, you’ve truly become soft, peaceful, content, and I think you’re pretty much happy with where you are in Life now. Out of all the Piles, yours feels most like you’re truly starting something new that you’re passionate about. There’s something you’ve been meaning to do/create/launch which is only needing the right Divine Timing. Once you hit the bell, there’s no snooze button—you’re going on a ride! Life is gonna get super exciting, so stay on your lane because you’re totally on the right path towards changing your Life!

reap – 3 of Pentacles Rx

When your Life finally takes that amazing turn, you’re going to be spoiled by the Universe with a lot of happiness. I’m seeing SO much abundance beyond material means. You’re going to be SO beautiful. I’m seeing a crazy glow up one way or another. Perhaps because now you have access to those things that can support a glow up. New wardrobe. New teeth. New face for some… New country. New house. New everything and you look gorgeous! That said, there are family members or childhood friends who are totally NOT gonna understand your transformation. Yeah… let peasant be peasants if you ask me.

There are those of you who will want to provide for your family/friends with your newfound wealth and if they’re deserving of that, why not? Just please don’t do any of that with the desire to get their approval, and this is especially the case if your family/friends are incredibly toxic. Live for yourself, babe. Share only with those who are deserving. Only you can decide this but ultimately, respect yourself enough to never beg the acknowledgement of those who are already committed to seeing you in a negative light. Never let ANYBODY reduce your accomplishments, transformations, your Light. Never let anybody poop on your parade XD

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Pile 3 – Hand of Fucking Midas

intent – Page of Wands

Okay, in spite of the title, of all the Piles, your energy has a sage vibe to it. I feel like you’ve transformed into a spiritual master of sort. You got away from the Matrix’s rat race. All the riches you used to think you should have in order to feel like you belonged in society have gone out the window. There are so many material things you do not care about anymore. You’ve rediscovered your essence as a spiritual being having a Human experience. It’s all just a Game and you’re going to have the best-value experience whilst being here. You’ve cultivated a mindset of beauty. ‘Nothing is worthwhile if it’s not beautiful.’

You only want to float beautifully until the day you die. The paradox of your existence is that now that you don’t desire anything desperately anymore, everything comes to you ever so effortlessly. Perhaps it really is because you don’t care if it comes to you or not. It’s exactly because you’re free from worries and anxieties that your positive vibrations effortlessly call forth those positive expectations into your energetic field, and surely enough, they manifest in the physical whether or not you really want them. Paradox. Paradox.

sow – 5 of Pentacles

Reiterating the previous message, here is you sowing seeds of nothingness in this world. From nothingness comes everything. If you don’t limit yourself, anything, literally everything, is possible to create. You’ve tapped into the VOID and understood the secret of Co-Creation. Might it be that you’ve had a really strange, esoteric dream recently? I think you could’ve been activated in your sleep. I feel more strongly that this whole developing a Midas Touch was brought about after transmuting a fuckload of personal traumas you’ve accumulated in this incarnation.

You’ve been through all the sides of sorrow and happiness that now you’re clearer as to what kinds of things are truly meaningful for a Human existence. Now you only want the essentials, and those things you consider essentials are concepts still too difficult too grasp for most Humans. Though you do not carry the essence of being Human, you more than them understand what being Human should be all about. It’s insane. It’s all paradoxical. But you’re here on a mission to beautify this realm. To help Mankind elevate themselves above the status of being miserable slaves—slaves often to their own toxic desires. You’ve transcended all of that via your own suffering.

reap – 9 of Pentacles

From here on, there is no more lack. Because you don’t want much anymore. You’ve let go of all the tight grips on the illusions and temptations of the Matrix. Your wants are now purer, kinder, fairer. I feel you want everybody to have also the things that you take for granted. You want everybody to share in the bounty of the natural world easily. ‘There are things in this world that are NOT supposed to be expensive.’ You want everybody to have access to basic needs at a decent level/quality without having to pay for a premium.

All of that said, I think in the future you’re soon going to have your own business that helps improve the lives of your community instead of ruining the ecosystem and making it hard for everybody. If not a business, you could be involved in some sort of invention or revolution that could, well, revolutionise the way many people live, work or approach businesses on their own terms. I think this Pile has the potential to change the world for the better. You may not care that much about such wild dreams for now, for you are currently peacefully enjoying some fruits of your intense spiritual labour thus far.

But it’s coming, baby~ Your train to awesome is coming to pick you up. Just chill~ When Divine Timing strikes, your body is gonna move on its own😉

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

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[solar-wing]

[yandere] popular jock alpha 🏈 x overachiever omega 🎓

hunter ramirez x remy griffin

heeeeyyyy :)

if anyone remembers, I posted a poll a while back about what yandere scenario I should post first and it was a tie between jock and streamer. so here's the jock one now!

these are original characters and not associated with any fandom content I've posted before. thus, it is not x reader, BUT when I get more posts out, I will accept requests for those who want to create their own little scenario ;).

MAJOR SHOUTOUT to @darling--core and her yandere jock character who was pretty much the entire inspiration for me wanting to create yandere content. literally messaged her and was like 'gurl can I use this as inspiration?' and she said yes so I'm very happy to share this with everyone now.

⚣ T.W. 🏈🎓 → yandere | MINORS DNI 18+ only | possessive & controlling behavior | a/b/o dynamics |

⚣ Words 🏈🎓 → 1.4k

REBLOGS & replies are greatly appreciated, please! 💛

⚣ ENJOY 🏈🎓

Senior year is always the start of some bullshit.

Remy Griffin, upcoming class valedictorian, student council president, and recipient of various titles and awards is skilled at many things. Elected president of the Math Leagues for the last three consecutive years, he’s led his school to the national mathematics competition every year, never leaving with anything below 1st place.

He single-handedly rallied his school together for multiple protests, whether against unfair school rules or in support of a global cause.

He won his seat on the student council during his junior year, initially as the vice president, coming in 2nd behind Hoeniffer—*ahem*— Jennifer Farrow who was gunning for the presidential seat against him. He suspected the ho—girl of cheating and after thorough investigation and use of his charming Omega nature, he discovered it to be the truth. As a result, Hoeniffer was kicked from the student council, and Remy was elected to his rightful seat as President, with his close friend Dustin Bellerose taking his place as V.P.

There was nothing Remy couldn’t solve or achieve.

So why the hell couldn’t he manage to rid himself of the school’s most popular, yet insufferable Alpha, Hunter Ramirez?

Hunter held similar achievements to Remy, only his were mainly athletic. Captain to the football, basketball, and baseball teams since sophomore year. He’s led the school to numerous championships and has had college scouts from all over the country coming to see him play.

Yet, none of those things seem more important to him than obsessing and chasing after the school’s resident overachiever.

Hunter and Remy have gone to the same school since 1st grade, and as far as the Omega could remember, Hunter never showed him attention like this. Minus some instances where he noted the Alpha’s questionable behaviors, he never gave Remy reason to think he was an obsessive and controlling freak.

But he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t noticed signs of Hunter’s growing obsession with him as far back as freshman year.

It was relatively small stuff.

When the school year started and everyone was given their class schedules, that first week, Hunter would be in maybe two or one of his classes. Their sophomore year, he wasn’t in any of his classes. But every year, Hunter somehow ends up in most of his classes.

He even somehow managed to get into his A.P. classes, which confused the hell out of Remy because Hunter barely passed his regular classes to his knowledge, but it goes to show you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.

Either way, whatever classes Hunter ended up in with him, he’d act like it was a crime for anyone to try and talk to the Omega besides him. And there was never any possibility of Remy getting one of their other classmates as a partner for a project.

If the teacher left it to the class to choose their partners, Remy would try and get someone else to be his partner, but Hunter would come strolling overall calm and quiet and give the guy or girl one look, and they’d be scurrying out of their seats like mice. 

But if the teacher took it upon themselves to assign partners and gave Remy someone other than Hunter, it wasn’t long before he’d use the split personality that was reserved for adults and teachers alike to charm his way into getting what he wanted. Therefore, by the end of the period, Remy would have the Alpha as his partner, even if he tried to beg the teacher himself to let him keep his old partner.

That was just the beginning of Hunter’s seemingly back-then possessive attitude toward the Omega. But, little did he know of the other things that would follow.

Like members from the different athletic teams who Remy knew for a fact were either friends or associates of Hunter to a degree watching him in the halls, during study period, or in one of the few classes that the Alpha wasn’t in with him. It was like he could never be alone.

If Remy raised his hand to go to the bathroom or just disappeared somewhere, one of those jocks would suddenly be texting on their phone, then, two minutes later, Hunter would appear at wherever Remy was going with a smile that the Omega over time came to realize was only reserved for him.

Everyone else got his stagnant and bored face, which could be extremely intimidating since Hunter was very fit, very large, and generally just gave off silent but dangerous vibes. The adults and teachers would get his charming, pearly white smile, and that was only if the Alpha wanted something from them, like, say for example, Remy’s school file with his personal information like his address and phone number since the Omega wouldn’t give it to him initially.

In their eyes, Hunter was a good and noble student who was just looking out for his friend. And, even though school rules and the literal fucking law technically prevented this, Hunter did say Remy sent him there on his behalf. How could they not trust that innocent and charming smile of his?

Remy was still trying to figure out how Hunter got his number during junior year since he never gave it to him despite the Alpha’s numerous and persistent (almost considered forceful) attempts at getting it out of him. Hunter might have been an Alpha, but Remy was a stubborn little devil who never knew when to throw the towel in and would rather chew glass than even consider the thought.

Maybe that was why Remy seemingly couldn’t keep a boyfriend throughout his late middle school and high school years. Yeah, you heard right. Overachiever Remy Griffin whose schedule most government officials and CEOs couldn’t compete with also made time for romance and love. He was young. He liked attention. And most of all, he was horny. Sue him.

But, up until senior year, the Omega couldn’t name one relationship he had that lasted more than a month and where he didn’t get ghosted out of nowhere. It was almost like they were scared of him too. 

Whenever he would try to talk to them and figure out what went wrong, they’d take one look at him, glance around the room or hall and catch eyes with something and then hightail it off like someone lit a fire under their asses. And when Remy would glance in the direction they were looking before they took off, guess who’d he find giving him that smug little smile just a few feet away?

Hunter fucking Ramriez.

Remy almost bashed himself in the head for not recognizing the signs of the Alpha’s obsessive behavior toward him earlier, and most of all, not doing something about it.

Now, it was senior year, and Hunter seemingly upped his game tenfold. He was practically acting like the Omega’s boyfriend, husband, bodyguard, and controller all wrapped up in one deliciously tight, hot, and muscled package. 

Ironic as well when you consider the fact that the Alpha and Omega won ‘Cutest Couple’ in their class yearbook every year since freshman year despite Remy never remembering once even signing his name down on that blasted category. He always went for ‘Most Likely to become President’ and ‘Most Likely to be your Future Boss,' and yet somehow, his and Hunter’s name ended up in that section of the yearbook every year since they got their first ones in the 9th grade.

But, thinking about it now, it wasn’t that surprising, knowing Hunter’s influence in the school and the fact that he probably convinced bribed/blackmailed someone on the yearbook committee to put their names in. Another blatant sign Remy so ignorantly ignored.

And despite the Omega’s still strong feelings of aversion and disdain toward the Alpha, he couldn’t figure out if the jock was slowly starting to grow on him or if he just liked the attention.

Either way, Remy Griffin knew one thing. He couldn’t fucking stand Hunter Ramirez, and hell would have ice water and top-notch air conditioning before he let that smug and controlling Alpha think he’d just fall over and do whatever he said.

Remy was no punk, and he’d soon find out neither was Hunter.

“Me & Hunter? Sorry, I have to go home and laugh at that idea.” “You could pretend to like him.” “I could, but there’s a reason I never joined drama club.”

☀️ | YANDERE | ☀️

☀️ | Masterlists | ☀️

[raayllum]

6x05 Moonless Night Speculation

So 6x05 is called "Moonless Night" and it's ruining my life (affectionate), so let's talk about it.

Seasonal Placement

Something that's worth noting, I think, is that while episode 5 is undoubtedly an important episode in each season, as it marks the official "over halfway point" of the 9-episode assortment, thus far across the series it doesn't tend to hold the most plot compared to episodes occasionally surrounding it. Consider how 2x05-2x06 or 3x04-3x05 are grouped together as little collections, either grinding the plot to a halt to give flashbacks or to see Ezran leave his kingdom crownless and for Rayla and Callum to retrieve Zym from the wily Nyx. Even 4x05 and 5x05 aren't particularly plot heavy episodes, often getting the next segment of the story underway by travelling to a new location or having certain characters / pieces of information reconvene.

What episode five does tend to be are emotional turning points for characters:

1x05: This is the episode that makes the trio Friends, most notably allowing Rayla to open up to the boys about her parents and her fears, and having their togetherness reaffirmed. Unlike in the previous episodes, she's not hopeful or tolerating them anymore, and the boys have seen some of her more consistently good attributes / learning her behaviours too.

2x05: Callum finds the resolve to open the letter from King Harrow and we see where his mother, stepfather, and Viren felt about the mission that ultimately led to tragedy.

3x05: Soren chooses to do the right thing and stand by Ezran, and Callum and Rayla begin their romantic relationship.

4x05: Callum and Rayla deal with the lingering results of their fallout, even as Callum is able to admit that he is happy she's back, and we see how Rayla has become more jaded whereas Soren's gone in the opposite direction.

5x05: The group reconvenes to decide what to do for the rest of the season about Aaravos, leading to an interesting difference between the brothers. This one fits the pattern the least, arguably, but we'll talk a bit more about how S5 breaks patterns in a second.

As of course, TDP doesn't have to follow any previous seasonal notions. In every other season, Callum's arc(s) have always carried over into the season finale in some way—for 1x09 and 2x09, it's his relationship with magic, and for 3x09 and 4x09, it's his relationship with Rayla. Season five subsequently breaks convention as his arc is shored up by the end of 5x08, leaving 5x09 to give more room for Viren and Claudia's emotional arcs as well as a minor beat for Rayla's metaphorical/literal one with water. Season six could break previous patterns even further with 6x05 being a massive turning point.

With all that in mind, let's first examine what the Moon itself represents in TDP, and then what a night being moonless might mean before we get into plot and emotional arc speculation.

What does the Moon Represent in TDP?

One of the things that's nice about a series like TDP that takes its magic so literally is that we do have a handy list of things the Moon represents, at least tangentially. Callum's Spellbook reads, "Illusion, love, charm, private, deep, secrets, manipulation, death, reflection, appearances, and duality." Certainly seems like a very Aaravos-y star adjacent list, don't you think?

And we also get the explanation from Lujanne in 2x01, which is based off Plato's concept of the forms:

The arcanum of the moon is about understanding the relationship between appearances and reality. Most people believe that reality is truth and that appearances are deceiving. But those of us who know the Moon arcanum understand we can only truly know the appearance itself. You can never touch the so-called reality that lies just beyond the reach of your own perception.

For Lujanne, the philosophy behind the arcanum is rooted in the duality of truth vs secrets, appearances (and illusions) stacked against each other, and the nature of reality. However, we see other aspects of the Moon arcanum, such as Moonshadow form, be tethered to something equally involved in duality if perhaps more noteworthy for our purposes (Bloodmoon Huntress):

Moonshadow form is only achieved when we understand the balance between life and death. Balance is weight against weight, and to understand the weight of death, you must feel the weight and value of another's life. Think of those you love, those you hold dear. Now think of the souls who have touched your life. Understand that each time your weapon meets its target, each time we fulfil our duty, the potential for that life to change—to love another—is gone. We may remove hate, but we remove the potential for love as well.

Now, we can see how both of these may overlap with each other later — Harrow had the appearance of someone who posed a risk to the world but no longer did, and the vengeance declared was for an egg that hadn't actually been killed — but we'll get more to the other implications in the following section.

For now, I want to focus on examining the other less 'metaphorical' meanings and look at some of the more literal associations we have with Moons in the text. As we all know, there's been a prevalent light-darkness motif running throughout each season of the show that's only gotten more affirmed — and more linked to Rayla and Callum's relationship — as the show has gone on. (If you want more details, check out this tag.) We see this first hand in 2x02 "Half Moon Lies" where Lujanne also counsels Rayla through some Moon arcanum wisdom about her relationship with Callum:

L: And it is the same with you. There are parts you keep hidden. Real trust is about accepting even the dark parts we will never know.

By resolving to tell Callum about his stepfather's death, Rayla chooses to show her whole face — a full moon, if you will — and it's not the last time truth is associated with light in opposition with darkness either ("I finally see the truth. I find myself here at these horrifying crossroads because I have followed a dark path"). We even see this in the way the framing at the Nexus changes compared to before Callum knows the truth with Claudia, and after when he knows the truth with Rayla, with Rayla being framed in the light. The truth may be ugly, and Harrow's death darkens Callum's life, but just like each girl's hair being white and black at this point, Callum ultimately chooses Rayla when it matters here the most.

It is likewise not surprising that Callum's understanding of the Moon arcanum ("After all, we can only truly know the appearance itself" "Now you're starting to sound like Lujanne") evolves alongside his understanding of Rayla, knowing better how/what she hides in S3 and what's actually going on.

Then season four comes in very heavy handed with making Rayla synonymous with the moon pretty blatantly in a way she hadn't previously been afforded. Just having Callum looking at the moon is meant to represent his love and longing for her, after all, and she's framed as the moon upon her return as well, literally moving from dark (moonshadow form) to light.

This is a sort of association we've only thus far had given to characters like Janai with the sun. And then they have the association drawn through dialogue, too, just in case the Most Obvious Framing Ever wasn't enough.

Okay, so Rayla is a Moonshadow elf who now has the moon as a potential stand-in for her. Shocking, I know. But put a pin in it as we have one other blatant Moon symbolism thing to discuss, and that's Runaan and Ethari.

Now, the moon itself isn't super prevalent for Runaan and Ethari, per se. They're far more associated with circles/cycles (their family, the pendant, the shape of the lotus pond), weapons, and hearts — their goodbye dialogue for example. We do see two heavy Moon associations for them, though, both of which that is particularly apt for today's meta:

It also worth noting, of course, that neither of these things are exclusive either to Ruthari in the text. The notion of "Guiding Moon" and Ruthari's partnership is a consistent parallel to Rayla and Callum's evolving bond, as well as Rayla giving Callum the necklace with the same sentiments that Ethari did upon giving one to both her and Runaan.

With all that symbolism and setup out of the way, let's get into the biggest speculative question we have to try and answer:

Why is it Moonless?

Now, what you might've noticed in all our symbolism and setup is one main commonality: the moon, while tethered to duality, is usually seen as a more positive symbol than not having a moon. Light, or the light side of the moon, is better than the dark side or it being nonexistent. We can already see undercurrents in this given Callum's arc surrounding darkness ("In darkness, gaze upon a fallen star"): light, or the moon, is a Good Thing—most of the time. If you want more discussion on why Light isn't solely good in the series, check out this meta here.

What I'm getting at here is that Moonless Night almost undoubtedly refers to some kind of dark turn or tragedy. The only question is what/which one, and for that, I have three main thoughts:

1) Luna Tenebris

Luna Tenebris was the Queen of the Dragons after Sol Regem was disposed and before Avizandum (+ Zubeia) took over. She was also queen when humans were expelled from Xadia (known as the Judgement of the Half Moon) and mysteriously vanished circa 4x04's flashbacks, leading to chaos:

However, Luna Tenebris' disappearance is far more associated with a red Blood moon which doesn't bode well for the connection between blood-dark-star magic, and is most obviously associated with the Bloodmoon Huntress, Kim'Dael, as she and her kin were hunted under Luna's reign. So I'm not positing that Luna's death for her personally was a moonless night.

But it might be for someone else, who's been forced to live without her, and who vanishes shortly after she does.

Luna Tenebris' presumably 'unsuitable heir' (maybe the wrong kind of archdragon? Arcanum-less?) bears a striking resemblance to the dragon we see Rayla approaching (attacking?) in the S6 clip from the video game trailer:

We know that he's in a snowy place and we also know thanks to released screencap titles that Callum and — more importantly per the screencap above — Rayla are in snowy place from 6x03 "The Frozen Sea" onwards to presumably 6x05 "Moonless Night" at least, given that I can't imagine they'd always be at the infamous Starscraper (6x04) for just an episode. If Luna's heir is not an obstacle in 6x03 on their way to the Starscraper, facing him could be something they have to do — perhaps he's a nuisance to the Celestial elves or holds something they need, like a glowing crystal — in 6x05, as he's the result of well, a Moonless Night.

This is probably the most abstract of the few we have and the most entrenched in Just Plot (at least phrased/pictured as the above). The other two subsequent theories are much more in vein with an episode focus and/or the title maybe having multiple meanings (the above as well as one of the other two we'll detail down below).

2) Moon Fam Release

I'm prepared to eat my words but honestly, "Moonless Night" doesn't fill me with a lot of confidence for it to be a Moon fam heavy episode—at least not in a happy way. For starters, like I said before, there's all the negative associations with being 'moonless'. Even Ethari's vow amounts to "Myself and my love is with you even when there is no light/goodness/hope in your life." That doesn't exactly feel like a reunion vibe given that Runaan being released from the coins is surely something he will ultimately feel positively about.

Ethari's vow to Runaan is going to be harder to uphold if Ethari isn't there for Runaan's release. If Ethari is Runaan's guiding moon and it's a moonless night, then it doesn't seem like Ethari's there. Of course, he could be. I've speculated for a while that 6x02 will feature Rayla and Callum dropping off the Shadowpaw and making a pit stop at the Silvergrove, giving us a chance to catch up with Ethari; perhaps he'll even come along and has been left out of the (admittedly few) screencaps we have of Rayllum approaching the Starscraper for marketing seasonal secrecy purposes.

Another long held theory though is that whatever Callum has to do to ultimately set Runaan (and everyone else) free from the coins will not end well though.

If Ethari is there in 6x05, that makes me think the Moon fam will get out around the halfway point of the episode, they'll have like one (1) very happy scene, and then almost immediately major shit is going to hit the fan that becomes the focus.

Another add on reason is that I think if Moon fam are released and reunited in S6, the plot reasons behind it are 1) to give Callum a motivation to potentially go 'too far' (too fast?) in his quest to release him, and 2) to have Runaan there to encourage Rayla to kill Callum if/when he gets possessed again. There are many other reasons to love Rayla's parents, there are many other reasons to want them around, but from a structural/plot standpoint of being side characters, I do think that's the purpose they're here to serve in s6, with probably having an expanded role in s7.

For example, if we follow along the line of "Moonless Night" being a release episode with the meaning being largely related to Runaan and Ethari > the main characters, that means it would have to be about either how much Runaan missed Ethari in the coin (which we don't need to see to understand the coin is terrible, we know that) or two, Ethari not being there and Runaan not listening to whatever Ethari would want him to do (maybe not being upset with Rayla or angry at Callum?).

I just can't see an episode like "Moonless Night" ending on a good note for anyone while still having the name of the episode be earned unless we entirely go flashback heavy (Aaravos, Rayla's travels or whatever) or the Luna Tenebris heir route.

With that caveat in mind, I want to talk about what is the most likeliest reason behind "Moonless":

3) Aaravos and Callum

As stated before, the character most accordingly associated with the moon is Rayla. This association has become even more literal into arc 1. I think it's the association next to the Luna Tenebris one that makes the most sense.

While I could perhaps see a flashback or expansion on how she felt during her time away featuring into S6, I would question the validity of doing it at a location like the Starscraper where there is so much feasibly else to focus on in a very unique and special location where we're primed to be meeting new characters (possibly friends and foes from the celestial elves), getting lore drops, and stuff focused on Callum and Rayla's present emotional journeys. Something like that would make more sense on the way to the Starscraper where we're just killing travel time, the same way the S2 flashbacks were reserved for the two episodes where the kids are just stuck on a boat, or in S3 on the way to the Storm Spire.

The other thing that's worth noting is the way that Rayla is framed as the Moon in opposition to Aaravos' darkness. Callum worries he's on a dark path and Rayla reminds him that he can choose to take another way. Callum is gazing 'in darkness' at a Fallen Star and Rayla shows up haloed in light to literally turn him away from it. Like in 2x02, she's seen as the more positive, light side of the moon. And we know without a doubt that she will be at the Starscraper alongside her human fella. We know from S2 and S5 that Callum will go to "dark places" in order to help/protect her.

There's a few different ways this could play out. Maybe Rayla goes off on an agreed upon mini-quest to fetch something from Luna Tenebris' nearby heir to help free her parents, leaving Callum worried and alone at the Starscraper, and he's possessed in the interim. Maybe, as noted in Option 2), he frees her parents at great detriment to himself. Maybe she's threatened because the Celestial elves aren't that friendly or serve Aaravos.

If Callum only 'succumbs' to Aaravos' possessive / coercive control — a moonless night is total darkness — then the removal of light would be a reasonable step on the path to getting there. Threatening or fearing the loss of that light ("But the second you see that elf girl in pain, you completely lost yourself") in order to make it disappear, to let a "dark path" overtake Callum? It'd be a tragedy. It'd be moonless — and it would plunge Rayla's life into darkness as well, fearing that she might have to become the assassin both Runaan — as she carries his bow — and Callum — heart vs duty — have asked her to be.

Conclusion

Like I said, I think there are ways to overlap. Both Option #1 and Option #3 could be paired together if the heir puts Rayla at risk in her journey, or Option #2 and Option #3 if freeing the Moon Fam with all the coins' deep blood magic indicators are taken to the forefront (aka the symbol on the coins matching the symbol on Aaravos' book). It could be none of these things.

If 6x06 is indeed "Moment of Truth" as has been speculated, I'll assume de facto that 6x05 ends with Callum being possessed again (although again, the circumstances that lead to said event could take many paths) in order to nudge Rayla's arc ahead (whether Runaan is literally there or not, though I would probably lean towards yes and Option #2 for 6x05). It'll just be go go go plot and drama wise — and no matter what, I can't wait for it.

[bamsara]

i know "When did you stop loving me?" is an angsty one, BUT what if it was actually an overly dramatic lament bc someone didn't get their way?

(I love that twist! Note: This written prompt is fluff/domestic shenanigans with Y/N having a habit of poor self-care, but the DA helps that.)

(This is a bit long so maybe not a drabble but a one-shot, but I hope you guys enjoy it anyway!)

You're a college student with a hetic, inconsistant schedule job and more stressers in your life that would make a therapist whistle, so you're not exactly the best at self-care, or even regular human maintence. Your eating schedule was flakey at best and the contents of your fridge wasn't anything healthy if just something to pop into the microwave very quickly to save time. Sometimes your apartment would get dirty quickly and with no mental energy or time to clean it up, you just lived a little gross for a while. Don't even get started on your sleep schedule.

The Daycare Attendant, you realize, became quite aware of your situation more-so than they already had after their 'permanent moving' into your home, and thus you've been subjected to more life changes in the last week than you'd ever be prepared for.

Sun uses your phone to order healthier groceries and and tsks at the instant-microwave meals in your cabinet. He's gotten into cooking, which is both incredably odd considering he's a robot, but amusing when you walk into the living room and he's watching an a show of middle aged women teaching the viewers how to make veggie pasta.

Maybe he misses arts and crafts back when he was at the pizzaplex, and just liked to work with his hands. Something hints at you this is a correct assumption because the fruit he cuts for you are star and heart shaped and he likes to take pictures with your phone afterwards. You don't get it, but it makes him happy and keeps his mind occupied elsewhere, so you don't mind.

Moon cleans up after your mess and threatens you (in a friendly manner, of course. You think.) to go to bed at a proper time or he becomes rather aggitated.

Any attempts at using your phone underneath the covers will result in a small EMP attack that takes out your phone and the neighbor's Television. You know, because Gramps mentioned that her TV only seems to cut out around the same time every night and nothing he does seems to fix it until morning. Moon holds no remorse, obviously.

It's nice. Even if they're a little bit pushy about about it. Honesty, you think these acts are just remants of their care giving programming, the need to feel useful after everything that happened or just trying to busy themselves with the human they're invested in. Maybe a mix of all of those things, but that's to be unpacked later.

The exchange wasn't unequel either. You've learned more about robotics in the last 6 months than you'd ever expect to know, for sure, along with some other things. You're an adult, you can keep yourself alive just fine, but it's nice to have the extra support.

It does, however, get a touch on your nerves at times.

"Moon, c'mon, I'm like, so close to the end-" You make a lunge for the remote, and it's closer to you than it was before. The animatronic holding it over your head doesn't even blink as you make a grab for it again and your fingers only brush air. "Dude! The season finale came out today. It's literally the last couple of episodes!"

"Sit." Moon states plainly. "Kitchen table."

"I'll eat later. It's not like the fridge is going anywhere, Moon. C'mon. Everyone has seen it but me and I'm already getting spoilers on my feed. Just another episode? You two said you've watch it with me anyway."

Moon blinks dully at you, and stuffs the remote underneath his hat. "No."

"C'monnnnnn"

Fingers find your collar and hook underneath the fabric, and routinly, you are dragged away from your unhealthy habit of binging new series of media to attend to your oh-so-delicate human needs that are far too demanding for your liking. The Daycare Attendant has long become acustomed to your whining.

The dinner table chair because your metaphorical prison as Moon lightly pushes towards it, sitting with a slump and a over-the-top dramatic sigh as the animatronic walks through your kitchen. The lights are dimmed, but he still squints at the refridgerator lights that greets him when he opens the door. "What do you want."

You resist the urge to snatch his hat and run. "A robot that doesn't nanny me."

Red eyes and white pupils side eye you, and Moon pulls out a a few items. He speaks deadpan. "Cry about it."

"Maybe I will." You snark back. He makes a noise somewhat akin to a snort, and you pretend your pinching his head inbetween your fingers from across the room. You raise from your seat, resigining yourself to your fate and getting yourself a drink. It's a sugary soda (caffine free!) that Moon glances at but leaves be. Sun would have polietly recommended water by now.

It's almost a funny image: a tall, clown robot standing in front of your microwave in a t-shirt and slippers, just staring at the glass with mild dissassioance until the counter goes down. You duck, popping your head underneath his elbow and his arm raises to allow you. "So." You sip at your drink, and Moon makes a face above you. "What's on the menu, Starboy?"

"Leftovers." A pause. "That we made this morning."

Right. Sun must have made a meal set during the day for the opposite half to make for you at night. Clever bastard. "...Can I have the remote now?"

Moon, without looking at you, adjusts his hat to sit better on his head.

"Bitch."

"Sit." He shoos you to the table. "And sleep after this. It's late."

Very late, actaully. Around the wee hours of 1AM and half-past god knows what. You'd been so caught up in your favorite show that you just sorta forgot to do everything else for the day, so eating, showering, studying were all at the bottom of the list. Regaurdless, your TV called to you.

You heave a dramatic sigh, falling back onto the kitchen chair and resting your elbow on the table, cheek resting in your palm. "I can't believe you'd treat me like this after all we've been through. Denying me the simple pleasures in life, for shame."

The microwave counts down to single digits and Moon's fingers hover over the handle. You can't see his face from this angle, but a faint chuckle is in his tone. "Tragic."

"Ugh, how could you?" You sigh again, more dramatically this time, and even go as far as to place the back of your free hand against your forehead and calling back to all the cheesy soap operas you and Sun watch in your free time. "I feel soooo betrayed. When did you stop loving me?"

The microwave starts beeping and Moon's fingers lock onto the handle, and freeze.

A couple of beeps ring by. You hand lowers and you raise a brow at the animatronic's still form. You give him a moment, because sometimes the Daycare Attendant stalls sometimes, and you chalk it up to being a robot thing. But the beeping was starting to get annoying. "Hey, man. The food's done."

Another two seconds. His fingers move and pop the microwave door open. You can smell heated up veggies and broth from across the room. "Funny."

"Yep. I can be a jester too."

"One episode." Moon grabs your dinner with one hand, and pulls the remote out from under his hat with the other. "To eat your food with. Then sleep. You're lacking."

The smile on your face comes naturally, and you swipe the remote from his hands. "Yeah, sure. Like I'd let you boss me around anyways. Come lay with me on the couch and watch it with me. There's aliens in this episode."

[g-xix]

OKAY, GUYS - I HAVE ANOTHER SDMN-CENTRED FEMINIST RANT.

Okay, so, hopefully you all know TheBurntChip (Josh Larkin), and his lovely jovely gf Sabina:

Beautiful couple, seem happy together, no problems there.

One thing i think im seeing with the YouTubers' Girlfriends (let's call them YTer gf's, abbreviated) is that there's a certain trend in assets for which fans pick and choose to determine whether or not a YT gf is "per standard" and collectively liked.

For example, Faith and Talia have gone through shitloads of hate from fans because they actually speak their mind and are consistent with their own personal ethos within whatever content they produce and share online.

Like the whole Mia-sat-on-Ethan's-lap incident which resulted in Faith making a TikTok and speaking out on social media multiple times to call out the fact that yes - she's unhappy about it - and also the fact that it's a very valid thing to be unhappy over

Aaand this created a lot of backlash and hatred from Sidemen fans, because they don't like hearing anything that's inconsistent with what is a stereotypically immature male opinion, generally consistent with patriarchal societal roles... And this is shown through a lot of Talia and Faith's comment sections by the adolescent male SDMN fans

Hence the assumption can be made that Sidemen fans dislike YTer gf's that are too vocal about problems they've faced which aren't relevant to male audiences.

Thing is, there's obviously some YTer gf's that these fans really like, but...

Why do they like them so much???

Well, I think that both Sabina and Tennessee are two YTer gf's that can be used as examples of wamen that are completely adored by these adolescent male SDMN fans.

But their reasons for being so liked to much are so very contrasting.

Tennesse is loved because she's beautiful. We've been through this quite a bit when i went through the whole "I can't believe Danny would put his ex through that" pipeline following Locked In... But it's worth pointing out that (as far as I know), the toxic Fifa fanboys seem to love her because she's a clearly good looking woman who's undeniably got personality too (watched the saving grade pod w her on it last night) and i don't think she's said anything too inconsistent with male opinions yet, sooo... Makes sense why she's liked; imo she plays into the ideal woman from a man's perspective very well

Alternately, Sabina seems pretty reserved on social medias - not really speaking that much as a social media personality, rather just sharing her life on insta n tiktok, whatever - nothing wrong with that.

I think that the fanboys like Sabina quite a bit though, as she posts cooking content on TikTok, and idk why but there's an agenda on social medias atm, that a woman who can cook is wifey material... This woman-must-be-good-at-cooking culture ofc stems from historical patriarchal roles for women to fulfil the duty of housewives, thus being able to cook n clean - but i really have no idea why this still exists in a modern day society considering there's been so many changes within the world which now enables women to work equal jobs as men

I don't know whether this belief of cooking-women being a blessing is a toxic sorta concept though, because there's a certain tenderness and nicety to having someone cook you a meal - regardless of whether it is a male or female tbh

Either ways, Sabina does make meals and does her cooking thing on TikTok really well - like - honestly? Some days I'm jealous that I'm not the one able to eat some of the stuff she can bake n make... Back on track - yes - Sabina bakes/cooks her things n films Chippo's reaction to trying them out

Male audience love this ofc, bc it fulfils the whole woman-cooking-for-partner thing which is favoured amongst males

What's this big whole rant about though?

Well, the male fans hate Faith. Love Sabina.

Okay, cool.

These two facts weren't directly correlated until Sabina's recent post though...

Sabina chefs up some tacos for Chip, and whilst some of the comments are normal cooking TikTok comments, a lot are a bit more... targetted towards Faith:

First time Faith's ever been slewed in Sabina's comment section n the point that i made this whole rant for is that:

BIG UP FUCKING SABINA FOR ACTUALLY REPLYING STRAIGHT WITH THEM

Perfect response imo, not just disagreeing and leaving it open ended, but also pulling Faith up when Faith's been demeaned by these weirdos online

I'm a big supporter of the "you can big someone up without pulling someone else down" notion, and big up Sabina for pulling Faith the fuck up when someone's tried to reduce Faith to praise Sabina

So much respect for Sabina for this one negl - didn't really have any idea about what she was like as a girlie - but this reply's firmly sold me into believing that Sabina is one for the girlies 🙏

(post-writing, blooody hell i realise there's a lot of unecessary waffle here... apologies everyone)

[laufs-very-serious-medical-blog]

I'm gonna say out loud something I suspect a lot of people can relate to but are afraid to vocalise.

It is okay to be scared or feel uncertain about getting top surgery. I know I was. It does not make you any less trans to feel hesitant about going forward with a major surgery that leaves large scars on your body you will have to look after for at least a few months afterwards, especially when for many of us top surgery is our first ever surgery. It does not mean you don't want it if you have to take some time to seriously consider it. It is okay and honestly perfectly normal to be scared, even if you rarely see trans people online exrpessing any sort of fear or doubts.

I knew I wanted my top surgery, and I certainly do not regret it, but I also questioned it. I weighed out the pros and cons, the possible complications following my surgery, whether or not I was truly mentally prepared for such a big surgery, and I even went so far as to question whether or not I truly wanted top surgery. I am grateful that I took the time to do that, even if to others in my life it looked as though I was rushing into this decision. I questioned everything, but I was also deeply aware of the fact that if I were to express my fear and hesitation I would likely be met with scrutiny over whether I truly wanted the surgery or if I am even really trans to begin with. I fear this is the reality for a lot of people, and I wish we could treat gender affirming surgeries the same way we do any other major surgery and allow ourselves to feel fear without facing judgement for it.

I do not regret my surgery, but it is still a major surgery, and thus takes some time to get used to. When I first saw my results after my surgery I felt a mix of emotions. I was happy, of course, but I was also possibly for the first time in my life seeing what 6 days post op looks like, and it is not very pretty. A very small part of me also questioned my decision then, and while a much larger part of me was ecstatic and knew very well that my results would look much better with time, I still want to acknowledge that small part. I feel that there is often not given much room in our community to express these feelings, leading many of us to shamefully hide them away while convincing ourselves we're the only ones who feel this way. That is simply not true.

So, if you're reading this and feel scared or hesitant, know that you are not alone. It is normal and healthy to take the time to seriously question whether or not to majorly alter your body in this way, even when you know it will eventually make you happier and more comfortable in your body. Never forget that.

[arcaneillusion]

Before she was "mad”, Annie Cresta was a Career.

Although Annie is generally depicted as someone who has always been a relatively timid (or even 'weak') character, I think there is a far more convincing argument to be made for Annie being a Career tribute. For the sake of organisation (and preserving my sanity), I've split this into three main points: the purpose of Annie's character, misconceptions about the 70th Hunger Games and the likelihood of Finnick being a Career compared to Annie.

(Note: this ended up being a lot longer than intended, so uhh... sorry in advance.)

The purpose of Annie's character, and how this relates to her being a Career:

Given that District 4 is a Career district, it is not entirely beyond the realm of possibility that Annie received some form of training prior to her Games. It is also worth noting that she was 18 at the time of the 70th Hunger Games (according to the Hunger Games Exhibition, Annie was 23 during the events of Catching Fire, thus making her 18 years old at the time she was reaped). So you have a girl from a Career district who is reaped at the age that Careers tend to volunteer. Of course, this could just be a coincidence - Annie's name would've been in the reaping bowl 7 times by this point (assuming she hadn't applied for tesserae), so it could've just been poor luck that she was chosen. However, I think it's important to consider the purpose of Annie's character when pursuing this line of argument.

One of the most significant aspects of her character is how deeply she is affected by the Hunger Games. Although Suzanne Collins very clearly demonstrates how the Games affect the victors in various ways, Annie can potentially be seen as the personification of this trauma. Almost every time she is mentioned or is present in a scene, the impact the Games had on her is also brought to the reader's attention. During the reaping for the Quarter Quell - the first time her character is mentioned - Annie is described as being "hysterical".

The next significant mention of her is during the jabberjay attack in the arena, and Peeta subsequently refers to her as "the one who went mad".

Annie's character is inextricably tied to her trauma - it haunts the narrative of every scene she appears in. In Mockingjay, for example, Finnick’s suggestion to Peeta (that he simply ask someone for help if he is unsure about whether something is real or not) is inspired by Annie’s response to her own trauma. Even in more lighthearted moments such as after Annie and Finnick's wedding, the Games' influence on her is both alluded to and stated outright. For instance, she is described as being "lost in some daze of happiness", then revealed to be prone to flashbacks / disassociation.

On its own, the phrase “lost in some daze” does not seem to carry too much weight; but given that the words most frequently used to describe Annie are "mad", "unstable", "strange" and now (even in a moment of relative peace and joy) "lost" and in a "daze", it only strengthens the idea that as a result of her Games Annie is, as some might say, not quite all there. Almost every mention of her is tied to the impact the Games had on her. Perhaps even more compelling is a throwaway comment made by Johanna:

Although Johanna is acknowledging that the Games changed all of the victors in some way, there is an implication that Annie's transformation was the most dramatic. "Don't get me started" - as if the Games changed Annie so thoroughly, so completely that hardly anything of the person she was before remains. In short, Annie's character can be seen as a symbol of how the Games (or traumatic experiences in general) can change a person.

So what does this have to do with Annie being a Career?

Assuming that this is the purpose of her character, then Annie herself must have been irrevocably changed by the Games in order for this narrative to work. If Annie had always been a rather timid, 'fragile' character, the difference between who she was before vs after the Games would not be as stark (that is not to say she would not still be traumatised, only that this imagined version of who she was before the Games is not all that different to the person Katniss is introduced to in the trilogy). However, if Annie were to have been a Career, this would further emphasise the theme of how trauma can change a person and make this message all the more impactful.

Picture Annie as a cunning, skilled fighter. Imagine her as being adept at strategising and familiar enough with combat that she can remain level-headed during high-stress situations. Think of her as a tribute that many people were betting on to win - they were that confident in her abilities as a Career. Envision her as being bloodthirsty, prideful - honoured to represent her district and bring it glory. Annie with a sense of superiority and overconfidence, possessing a tendency to underestimate her opponents. Annie with her district partner, who she had known and trained with for years, and trusted enough to know that he would not turn on her before the time came when they had no choice but to go their separate ways.

Now imagine the character we are introduced to in Catching Fire - the "hysterical young woman" whom everyone believes to be "mad". Annie, who seems to lose her hold on reality every now and then, closing her eyes and covering her ears, falling into a state that seemingly only Finnick can pull her out of. Picture the devastation she must have felt when she saw her district partner - someone she trusted deeply and had come to care for - be decapitated right before her eyes. The realisation that no one can truly win in the arena, that she is just a pawn in a game so much larger than herself, and all of her training meant nothing: She would likely die anyway. The despair, the terror, the betrayal, the powerlessness - it shattered her.

To see a victor go from being a calculated killer to a mere shadow of her former self would do more than drive home Annie's role as the personification of trauma and its consequences: It would make the sheer barbarity and inhumanity of the Games all the more apparent.

Misconceptions about the 70th Hunger Games:

Admittedly, not very much is known about the 70th Games, but we do have enough information to put together a very, very vague timeline of events. At some point during her Games, Annie witnessed her district partner getting beheaded, an event that was (understandably) extremely traumatising. This led Annie to isolate herself for the rest of the Games, a strategy that we can assume worked reasonably well... until an earthquake caused a dam to break and flooded the arena. Being from District 4, Annie was an exceptionally strong swimmer. In the words of The Hunger Games: Tribute Guide, citizens of District 4 "can swim like fish themselves." This would ultimately lead Annie to be crowned as victor of the 70th Hunger Games, as she was able to save herself while the remaining tributes drowned.

A common argument against the idea that Annie could be a Career is that all she did was hide for the majority of the Games until the earthquake hit. However, I believe this to be based on a misunderstanding of the events outlined above. Once again, there is very limited information available about Annie's Games. That being said, whilst we know that at some point in the Games Annie isolated herself, we do not know when this was. It is entirely possible that Annie was an active member of the Career pack for a period of time, even if it was only for a few days. Only when her district partner was killed did she go into hiding - and, again, we have no indication of when that was. For all we know, that could've happened a few days before the earthquake broke the dam and flooded the arena, meaning Annie would've been part of the Career pack for the majority of the Games; perhaps it happened only a few days into the Games. The point is (like so much else about Annie) we do not know.

I will concede that because of the lack of information about the 70th Hunger Games, it is of course possible that Annie had no involvement with the Career pack, did not come into conflict with any other tributes, and won purely because she was a strong swimmer. However, based on everything I discussed in the previous section (Annie being from a Career district, reaped at the age Careers tend to volunteer, the purpose of her character as a symbol of trauma, emphasising the barbarity of the Games, etc.) I think it makes far more sense for Annie to have been a member of the Career pack. Ultimately, there is no solid reason, no hard evidence in canon, to suggest that Annie was not a Career tribute. If anything, the details we are aware of all seem to support the idea of her being one.

Finnick Odair — a volunteer, or simply out of luck?

As a quick side note: I do acknowledge that most of the points I have raised are largely based on assumptions. Assumptions supported by canon, but assumptions nonetheless. Having said that, there is one final topic to be explored in the case for Annie being a Career - and that is Finnick Odair.

A simple comparison between Annie and Finnick highlights Annie as the far more likely Career tribute of the pair. Indeed, there is arguably more evidence (however tenuous) to suggest that Annie was a Career than Finnick was. I am hardly the first person to point this out, but I do think it is worth mentioning and is quite interesting to consider.

The two main points of this discussion are 1) the age of the tributes and 2) Finnick's weapon of choice.

Firstly, we know that Annie was 18 when she was reaped for the Games and that Finnick was 14. Given that District 4 is a Career district, it doesn't really make sense for Finnick to have volunteered as at this age since he would be at a significant disadvantage. One of the first things we learn about Finnick is that he was the youngest victor, meaning that before the 65th Games nobody his age had survived the arena. Entering the Games as a 14 year old was just as much a death sentence as entering it at 12 or 13. There is of course the possibility that another 14 year old had won before and Finnick was simply younger by a few months; but even so, we can assume that it was a rare occurrence for anyone under the age of 15 to survive.

Why would a 14 year old boy, who (if he'd even been training in the first place) likely had not completed his training, volunteer for the Games? Why would he volunteer at an age when he was so unlikely to win, especially when Career tributes are known to volunteer at 18, meaning he would be so much younger than his fiercest, most lethal competitors? Why not wait until he was 18 and had the best chances of winning he could hope for? With this in mind, it seems far more likely that Finnick was just another kid who was unlucky enough to have the entry slip with his name on it selected.

What makes less sense is why, in a Career district, no one would have volunteered in his place. I've seen so many possible theories for this, some going with the idea that Finnick was a volunteer and either had very little training (with there being some other motivator for why he volunteered) or had received a good amount of training and was, for one reason or another, chosen to be D4's male tribute for that year. Others follow the theory that Finnick was not a Career, and it was merely a string of unfortunate events that led to nobody volunteering to take his place - for example, there being some sort of tragedy that left District 4 without any Careers-in-training. Once again (take a shot every time I say this lmfao) we do not know the specific circumstances surrounding the reaping for the 65th Hunger Games. However, based on what we can piece together, it makes far less sense, given his age, for Finnick to have been a Career. On the contrary, Annie's age at the time of her Games makes for a much more convincing argument in favour of her being a Career.

As for Finnick's weapon, it has frequently been pointed out that a trident is a strange weapon for a Career to be adept at using. Why would Finnick's training dedicate so much time to becoming skilled with a weapon that is so unlikely to be available at the Cornucopia? Instead, perhaps Finnick simply knew how to use the trident because he was a spear-fisher's son from the district that specialises in fishing.

Moreover, we are told that Finnick was adept at using spears and knives. These are weapons you would expect a Career to have been trained to use, but since District 4's industry is fishing it is entirely possible that Finnick knew how to use these tools simply because he had often worked with them before.

I do think this point about Finnick's weapon is a slightly weaker argument than the one concerning his age. Finnick may have been taught to wield spears and knives during his training as a Career, with it still being possible that he knew how to use the trident due to D4's major industry being fishing - a trade he almost certainly was familiar with, even if only slightly. In the case against Finnick being a Career, I would argue that his age at the time of the 65th Hunger Games is the most compelling point. Of course, there is no reason why Annie and Finnick couldn't have both been Careers. The reason for this comparison is simply to highlight that there is as much evidence to suggest that Annie was a Career as there is to suggest Finnick was. And in some ways, Finnick being a Career raises more questions and doubts than Annie being one does.

TL;DR:

Annie Cresta should not be overlooked just because she does not fit the stereotype of a 'strong' character. If anything, her instability due to the Games is all the more reason to suggest she was a Career. The point of her character is to show how the Games (or traumatic experiences in general) affect those who endure them, so Annie must have left the arena as a completely different person to who she was when she entered it. Most of what we know in canon seems to indicate that she was a Career; in fact, there is potentially a stronger case to be made for Annie being a Career than Finnick. Since we know so little of Annie Cresta much is left up to the interpretation of the reader, but this does not negate the fact it makes more sense for Annie to have been a Career based on the details we do have.

[thedo0zyslider]

Martyn is...not very happy with how things have turned out thus far. Things with him personally, he means. The game has been relatively normal so far, expect for a few more purple symbols than usual that is.

Currently, Martyn is curled up in the Big Dogs Shack, hiding in bed like a child. It's for a very good reason, part of him thinks so anyways. The rest of thinks it's a pretty stupid one, and that he's too old for all this....this shit he would do as a teenager. But here he is anyways.

Against his will, his tail flicks in agitation again. Martyn groans and buries his head into the pillow. He had a new stupid tail and new stupid ears that just seemed to have a mind of their own! He doesn't want to a damn cat! He's a Big Dog, for gods sake!

Well, it's not that he doesn’t want to be a cat. He quite likes the animals, and he's a cat person at the end of the day. It's just.....They'd made him into a calico cat. The species that is, for the most part, female. And Martyn has been away from all that stuff for a while. He's been done transitioning for years now, so why'd They have to make him a blummin' calico cat!? They know how sensitive he is about it! (Or at least, he thinks they do...) Buncha jerks...

He turns in the bed again, just as the door creakes open. It seems the other Big Dog has entered their base. Martyn knows it's Jimmy, because his friends footsteps are familiar to him as breathing is. And also he's the only one it could be, realistically.

"Martyn! There you are!" Jimmy says, his footsteps growing closer to the bed. Much to Martyn’s dread. "I've been looking-"

The blonde knows he will have to force himself up with a sigh, because of he doesn't, the canary will just do it for him. So Martyn sits up, turning to face his old friend, able to feel his ears flattened against his skull already. "....Hi Tim."

"I was gonna ask why you were hiding but...I think I know why." Jimmy mumbles, taking a few hesitant steps closer. His wings are pressed tightly to his back, and his whole body language is one of caution. It's nice, that's he's being all considerate.

"Obvious innit it." Marytn huffs, his ally sitting down on the bed next to him. He shakes the covers off himself, properly revealing the tail as well. Jimmy’s eyes flick towards it, and his eyes widened with something. He thinks it's a new understanding of the situation.

"You scared to go outside now?" The canary asks, shuffling closer. Martyn let's him, until their shoulders are touching. The touch is comforting, something he kinda needs in the moment.

"Yes!" He groans, burying his head into Jimmy’s chest. The other just lets out a huff, and removes him, so they can have this conversation face to face. "What if someone-"

"You really think anyone here is gonna be like that?" Jimmy asks, raising an eyebrow. And Martyn has to be really off his game, for Tim to be the smart one here. Its usually the other way around in these scenarios. "Besides, four of us already know."

"I know. Sorry." He sighs, running a hand through his hair; which had gotten a little messy during all the flopping around he'd just done. "Old habits I guess."

"It's fine." Jimmy smiled earnestly, reaching out a hand. He gave an experimental scratch behind Martyn's ears, and the other couldn't help but lean into it. He didn’t want to lean into it, that was an instinctual thing! The blonde still didn't want to be a cat, and never would be.

"I knew that would work!" The canary smiled, looking stupidly pleased with himself. Martyn let out another groan, his face flushing in embarrassment. He totally didn't lean into it when Jimmy went to give another scratch, and he certainly did not purr about it either.

"You little rascal." He huffs, moving away so Jimmy can longer reach him. The canary just laughs, and lamely tires to chase after him. As a result, Martyn ends up on the floor giggling, and closer to the door.

Jimmy leaves him a few minutes later, saying he should consider going outside. Now that he's feeling better and all. Martyn hums, and takes that into some real consideration.

Maybe he will finally leave his house...

______________________________________________________________

Once leaving the house, Martyn isn't to sure where to go. He doesn't really wanna run into anyone and face any questions about the....everything. Unless whoever he runs into is one of five people. Those five being the four that already know, and the only other person that has weird gender stuff. That he knows of, anyways.

So he ends up knocking on his ex soulmates door, and praying no one else is home.

The front door opens, and the blonde suddenly wonders if this was a bad idea, and if he should be regretting all his life choices.

"Martyn. What do you want?" Cleo asks, leaning against her front doorway. They don't look displeased to see him, but they also don't look to happy either. Martyn ignores that, the look the zombie is shooting him, the growing ball of anxiety in his stomach, and tries to force out words instead.

"Um well, you see-" He begins, a little unsure. As if right on cue, his tail starts flicking. Cleo notices, and raises a curious eyebrow The blonde holds back a sigh at the movement he cannot yet control, and gestures to the ears now atop his head. "It's about....this."

"Okay, you're a calico cat now...?" The zombie says, not quite getting it. Which is fair, considering he has never talked about it before. (Something he probably should've done with his damn soulmate back in Double Life, but the past's the past and this is the present.)

"And calicos can only be...." Martyn trails off, letting the statement finish itself. He knows Cleo's smart enough to work it out.

"Oh." She says, her eyes lighting up in understanding. They stop leaning on the doorway, and move out of it completely. "Get inside."

"Thanks." Martyn says, slipping inside their house. God, even all his movements fell cat like now. Which sucks big time. It's making him feel worse, if anything.

"Don't mention it." Cleo says, shutting the door behind both of them. No one else seems to be home, since the house is quiet expect for the sounds the pair makes. Martyn is grateful for this, because he doesn't want Etho to overhear this, and Grian already knows. The zombie shows him to where one of their beds are, and gestures for him to sit.

"So....does anyone know about it?" They ask, watching as Martyn awkwardly plops himself down on the white bedsheets. On a bed Etho probably stole a few weeks back, no less.

"Yeah. Jimmy, Pearl, Grian, and Bigb." He says, wrapping his new tail around his legs. He strongly resists the urge to kneed the bed. "And you now, I guess."

"So whoever makes these games just forced you to come out, basically." Cleo says, sitting in the opposite side of the bed next to him. She looks a little pissed at that, so much so Martyn believes she would fight the Watchers herself. He's touched by the implied sentiment, really.

"Yeah..." Martyn mumbles. If he's upset by it, and he definitely is, the blonde tries not to show it. He doesn't wanna dampen the mood more than his presence normally does.

Cleo repeats the same sentiment Jimmy had just an hour before, and Martyn wants to scream just a little bit. "Well, no ones gonna hate you for it."

"I know! Jimmy already told me that." He said, throwing his arms up in the air a bit. Like a petulant child would. "It's just scary."

He continues with a sigh, putting his hands back down and clutching them at his sides. Martyn wonders if there are any hidden claws he could unsheathe and accidently dig into his flesh. "And Ren. Ren won't know. And I kinda wanted to tell him before anyone else...."

"I think he'll find out, in his own Ren way probably." Cleo says, surprisingly reassuring. Martyn doesn't know why he's surprised, when this is exactly what he came here for. "I just have a feeling like that."

"....Okay." Martyn mumbles, somehow, feeling reassured by those words. Some part deep down in him knows that Cleo is right, and that Ren will find out in his own, diggty dog like way. Like he was always going too.

"You should just walk around, honestly. No hiding the tail or the ears." Cleo says with an easy shrug. And for some reason, Martyn finds himself taking their advice. But it's always been like that, he takes the zombies advice almost on instinct. Like some part of him knows that she's admittedly smarter about some things.

It was just another weird thing about their relationship, he supposes.

"Really?" Martyn says, consideration made clear in his tone. "They're gonna say something..."

Cleo just snorts, and gives him a little bit of a look. "Do you think Bdubs is smart enough to put two and two together? Or Joel? They'll probably just think you have cute little ears now."

"You have a point..." Martyn mumbled, now actually somewhat sold on his ex-soulmates idea. His tail flicked again, but probbaly with a more positive emrion than it had before. "....You think these are cute?" He added with a sly little smile, not one to miss that comment at the end there.

"Get out before I make you." Cleo snorted, going to try and shove him off the bed. Martyn held back a giggle, and quickly doged out of their reach. It didn't work fully, as they manged to shove him just a little bit.

"Yes ma'am." Martyn said, getting off and the bed and to his feet with a slight stumble. "Lovely speaking to ya" The blonde called over his shoulder, not looking back as he made his way towards the door.

"Can't say the same here." Cleo yelled after him, but it clearly wasn't too serious, and there was a slight laugh in her tone still.

Martyn smiled at the sound, and let the house feeling much more confident than he did when he had entered.

______________________________________________________________

In taking Cleo’s advice, Martyn had decided to just do so chores. Said chores included boring and mundane things, like gathering wood, stone, food, and maybe placing a couple of cheeky sweet berry bushes down here and there. Just in case they did manage to nick someone.

He would not seek out people like he normally would. The blonde decided go just simply be for once. Whoever found him found him, and he would face the questions and stares when they did.

It wasn't of any surprise to him when Pearl was the first person he spotted. Martyn had a feeling something like that would happen, especially since he was a little near to the mounders base.

He spotted his friend as she left her base, slipping outside of the Mounders walls to do whatever. Pearl hadn’t spotted him just yet, but he couldn't just not call out a greeting, that would be rude. And he wasn't gonna be rude to Pearl, of all people.

"Hi Pearl!" Martyn yelled out, throwing his arm up in a friendly wave.

The brunette looked up in suprise, her head twisting around rapidly. When Pearl finally saw where he friend was standing, her eyes lit up. "Martyn! Hi!"

He smiled back, and walked forward, so they could talk easier. As he moved forward, he saw the way Pearl’s eye widened at the sight of his ears, and suddenly had a very good idea of what her reaction was going to be.

"Your ears!" Pearl says when they are standing infront of each other, reaching to cup his face. Martyn let's her, very aware of the fur that now lines his cheeks as well. She squishes them in wonder, before going to fiddle with his ears. The blonde can only let out an amused huff at all her prodding, leaning into the contact on newly formed instincts.

"Yeah, I'm a cat now." He responds, cheekily flicking his tail around her legs. Pearl lets out a gasp, her eyes moving towards the new apendage.

"And you have a tail!" Pearl almost squeals her words out, watching the blonde's tail flick with even more wonder if her eyes. If that was even possible. Martyn almost has to hold back a chuckle.

"Yep. And I'm a calico." He says, trying really really hard to hide the sourness he feels over it. But apparently he doesn't try hard enough, because Pearl still catches it, and a frown stretches across her features.

"If anyone's rude to you, I'll kill them myself." Pearl says firmly, giving him another scratch behind the ear, for she is still holding his face in her hands.

"Greens can't kill people!" Martyn giggles, leaning into the touch without even thinking about it anymore.

"Doesn't matter!" Pearl says a little too cheerfully, rubbing the fur on his cheeks again. Martyn had forgotten half his friends were cat people, admittedly like himself, and that a lot of them were going to have this reaction. So today, and maybe the next few, were going to be filled with a lot of this. A lot of pets and ear scratches. Not that he exactly hated it, it was just something the blonde now had to get used too.

"We should go show B and Grian! And Jimmy!" Pearl exclaimed after a moment of rather comforting pets, her eyes lighting up once more.

"Tim's already seen me!" Martyn says, letting his cheeks get properly smushed, like a grandma would do.

"Well BigB and Gri havent!" Pearl's insistent on it. And before the blonde knows what's happenings she's grabbed him by the hand, and is now taking him towards BigB's weird hole base. Martyn accepts his face, holding back a few more laughs as he does so.

They thankfully find BigB at his own place, and not the heart foundation, exactly as Pearl had thought they would. She flags their friend down by calling out his name until he hears her, mainly because neither of them really know where he would be hiding in his labyrinth of a base. This strategy works surprisingly well.

BigB appears from around a corner, like some sort of damn ghost, and Martyn has to stop himself from jumping out of his skin. And to both of their surprises, Grian follows behind him, wings a little messy. They had to have been in the mines then, for the parrots wings to be full of that much soot and dust.

The two men approch them cheerfully, and rhe blonde forgets everything Cleo, Pearl and Jimmy had been telling him all day. He figures this is going to become routine for the day, and maybe the one after that.

"Martyn," BigB said, studying his friend carefully. Like the difference wasn't obvious. The blonde tried to shrink under his gaze, acutely aware if the way his tail flicked behind him. "You're a cat now."

"Isn't he adorable!?" Pearl exclaimed, going to rub his ears again. Martyn wrinkled his nose at that, and moved away best he could. Just because he had ears didn't mean Pearl could pet him all she wanted. Though she would damn well try, regardless of his opinion on it.

Grian snickered, watching his tail move from side to side in amusement. "Not so much of a big dog now, eh?"

"Oh hush, bird brain." Martyn snorted, suddenly smacking the avian in the leg with the very tail he was so amused by.

"Hey!" Grian squawked lightly, his wings starting to flare out behind him. Martyn smiled smuggly, and shuffled a little out if the way, knowing his friend was not afraid to smack someone. With his hands or his wings. The other two people laughed at their antics, giggles filling the air.

Maybe Cleo was right after all. Maybe walking around wasn't such a bad idea after all. Even if Pearl and BigB were insistent on showing him off to everyone.

It's not really what Martyn had in mind for the day, but he'll go with it. Especially if it's with these three people. Maybe Jimmy will even join them, and make his day even more unexpected.

Yeah, yeah that would be nice. A day running around with those four, just like they used too. That would be nice.

______________________________________________________________

By the end of the day, Martyn had been paraded around to everyone. Every member of the server had seen his new tail and ears, and most of them had fawned over it and called him cute. And maybe he has attempted to scratch a few certain people for such comments as well. Not many, just a few. To test if he had claws is all.

There were only two interactions that stuck out in his mind, ones that he would probably replay over and over again in his head for a few days at least. And the first one happened when he stumbled across an old teammate

He found Scott once Pearl brought him up to the cherry Blossom, still dragging him around by the hand like a toddler. Martyn just let her do so, not wanting to kill her enthusiasm. And the cherry trees did smell rather nice, now that he had a better sense of smell on him. So going up the pink mountain wasn't all too bad, even if his feet were staring to tire from all the walking he'd done. BigB had long since left them for that excat reason, actually, and Martyn couldn't fault him. There were walking around the whole server without a horse.

After marveling at him for a few minutes, Gem takes Pearl into her house for something, a trade the blonde thinks. Impulse hadn’t been home at the time, reportedly with Bdubs or Skizz. Which just leaves Martyn and Scott, the two men standing in a silence that is only a little bit stilted.

Matyn awkwardly shoves his hands in his hoodie pockets, tail flicking against some loose cherry petals on the ground. He feels like there's something they should talk about, considering how close they were last game. A game he knows they both remember. Thankfully, Scott wants to get to the point, taking a few thoughtful steps closer to the blonde.

Scott hummed, scanning over his ears and tail. He'd clearly figuired it out, why Martyn was a calico. He'd probabky done so instantly, actually, knowing Scott and how stupidly perspectives he tended to be. "You never told me, back on the island."

"Never came up." Martyn shrugged. Yet his tail still flicked uneasily, old memroies making some part of him feel unsure about this situation. Even though he knew not to be. "You're not mad, are you?"

"Nope." Scott smiled reassuringly, bumping their shoulders together. "I wish you had, but I understand why you didn't."

Martyn smiled back at him, and playfully flicked his tail around the others legs. "So you're not mad?"

"Not at all." Scott confirmed, right as Gem and Pearl excited the formers house, stuff now being carried in both of the women's arms. Martyn internally groaned at the thought of having to lug that around with them, and hoped Pearl had the sanity to make a stop back at home before going anywhere else.

The next encounter he remembered was at the end of the day, on his way home. As sunset was falling and just under an hour after he and Pearl had parted ways.

On his way back to the mesa, he runs into Tango. Or rather, he runs into Ren in Tango's body, as some part of him is saying.

He's not going to question, or even think about why They decided to do that. Martyn just feels his breath hitch, and his limbs go stone cold.

The two of them just stand there for a moment, looking and staring in what has to be either shock or awe. Martyn cannot tell which.

Ren stares back at him knowingly, through Tango's red eyes, and Martyn has never felt so observed in his life. It's as if his old friend is searching every inch of him, taking in everything so he never forgets it again. And his new features as well, features he stares at way too long for Martyn to be comfortable with.

Ren slash Tango opens his mouth to speak, and for a moment Martyn is a little scared. He's scared of what the other will say, and what cruel words might be hurled at him.

Then he remembers that this all nonsense, and that these people are his friends. They are not like those people, they are not like that.

He remembers Cleo and Jimmy’s words for what has to be the seventh time that day, and feels a little better once more.

"Hey." The other man says, tentative.

Martyn mumbles back. "Hey."

Ren slash- he's just going to call him Ren, since that's who's really speaking here, let's out a small smile. Martyn misses his dog ears and the little fangs you could always see when he moved his mouth. Not to say Tango was and looking or anything, his body just wasn't the right fit for this one particular dog guy. "Been a while, hasn't it?"

"Yeah." Martyn smiled, feeling himself go a bit less stiff by the moment.

"Your ears," Ren says, sounding a little uncertain of how to broach this topic. Martyn can't blame him for it, because he isn't quite sure either. "You never told me before."

"I didn't know how." The blonde says, honest. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, it's not a big deal." Ren smiles gently. Martyn smiles back, no longer feeling scared anymore.

Everyone was right. No one would get mad at him. His friends were not those kinda people.

"Well, Tim's waiting for me back at Baxter." He continues after a moment moment now comfortable silence. "See you a different time?"

"Yeah, a different time." Ren confirms, giving him a small wave as he starts to turn away. The blonde waves back.

"Makre sure Tango knows somehow, will you? I don't want him being left out." He gives one last request. He'd hate for one of their group to be left out because of them, after all.

"Will do!" Ren calls, and that is where their meeting ends. Both men go back to their own homes, confident they will see each other once again. Maybe not here, but elsewhere, in a different place maybe.

Martyn goes home, to his syupid little dog house, feeling a lot better than he had when he woke up that morning.

[heliads]

So happy that you added top gun maverick to your fandom list. If you’re up for it could you do a Rooster x reader enemies to lovers where he’s in love with her but doesn’t want to get attached to anyone cause what happened to his dad and his repressed feelings manifest as him teasing and picking on her. She takes it like a champ and throws it right back at him (which only makes him fall for her more). One day she gets hurt (she can be another pilot or something else if you’d prefer) and she’s expecting him to make fun of her for fucking up but instead he’s very serious about taking care of her. Then they both confess their feelings for each other.

i am always up for top gun

masterlist

y/c means your callsign btw

In a world as crazy as that of the US Navy pilots, you’ve learned to treasure the brief moments of peace. They come few and far between, usually overshadowed by missions of great calamity. Those you can find, though, are certainly wonderful indeed. 

You’re in the midst of one of such instances of tranquility now, staring over the railing of a balcony high up in one of the administrative buildings. It offers you a beautiful view of the ocean, which is not too far off in the distance. It’s just you and your best friend Phoenix. Also the pilot you hate most of all briskly walking your way. 

Rooster. 

No. 

Thus another blissful moment is ruined. You turn to Natasha with a look of utter horror, and she has to clap a hand over her mouth to stop from breaking out in laughter. You glance around for a chance to flee, but Bradshaw’s too close, there’s nothing you can do but face him.

His footsteps stop behind you, and your knuckles tighten on the balcony railing. “Rooster. How wonderful of you to ruin my morning.”

You don’t have to look behind you to know that Rooster’s fixing you with the same smug grin he always seems to wear whenever you’re around. “Y/C. Still searching for ways to be faster than me? I admit, the ocean is pretty big and beautiful and all that, but it still might not be deep enough to hold all the secrets you’d need to beat my records.”

You snort. “A puddle would hold all the secrets I’d need to beat you. I already do that.”

You turn around at last, and Bradley folds his arms across his chest, the perfect picture of military indignation. “Is that so?” He asks slowly, “because I seem to remember Maverick struggling way more to take me out yesterday morning than he did for you.”

“I recall it being the opposite that afternoon,” you reply. “I wouldn’t blame you for having a bad memory, though. You’re bad at everything.”

By your side, Phoenix makes a choking sound that’s most likely her trying to disguise another laugh. “Keep it down, you guys. We only get one morning off from practice, and I’m trying to enjoy it without the constant sound of you two sniping at each other.”

“You don’t have to worry about Rooster sniping at me,” you say pleasantly, “he’d never hit. Just like in a plane.”

You think you see Rooster’s jaw drop, just a little. “So not true. I’d kick your ass in a dogfight any day if Maverick would let us fight each other instead of him.”

You arch a brow. “Then how about you ask him to let us fight? You’re close to him, aren’t you? Go use your advantage for an actual result instead of just trying to get a better showing than me. At least that’s a reasonable goal.”

Bradley scoffs. “That so? I think you’d go down in about half a second.”

“Not a chance,” you declare, “I’d have you in my sights in less time than it takes you to do a roll.”

“Prove it,” Rooster says, “I’d hate to think you’re just talk.”

During the course of the conversation/expressions of deep hatred, you and Bradley have slowly gravitated towards each other, unconsciously taking a step forward in an attempt to get the upper hand. Right now, the two of you are practically breathing down each other’s shirts, neither willing to back down first.

It takes Natasha sighing exasperatedly and shoving the two of you apart for the situation to ease. “Back off, you two. Is it possible for you to stop fighting for two seconds? You’re worse than Hangman.”

You chuckle. “That’s a pretty terrible comparison. Alright, Nat, let’s go somewhere with a better view. I’m getting tired of this one at the moment.”

You widen your eyes in mock horror as you say it, and Rooster rolls his eyes. Ignoring him, you link your arm around Phoenix’s and lead her away. 

Natasha starts grinning once Bradley is out of earshot. “You guys are insane, you know that? At some point, you’re going to have to stop flirting with each other and actually go get drinks or something.”

You nearly choke on your own indignation. “Flirting? Natasha Trace, you must be out of your mind. I’m not flirting in the slightest.”

“You must be serious, you’re using my full name,” Phoenix muses, “but you’re wrong. You guys have more tension than anyone I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah,” you agree, “tension because we hate each other. Bad tension.”

“Good tension,” she argues, “because you love each other dearly.”

You shove her on the shoulder, but the action only serves to make Natasha’s smile broaden. “You can’t say anything to convince me otherwise,” she reminds you, “I know what I see.”

You roll your eyes. “You might have to get your vision checked if you’re that blind.”

Despite your comebacks, you can’t be annoyed with Phoenix forever, even if she’s way off in her predictions of what is to come between you and Rooster. She’s your best friend, both among the pilots and outside of work.

That’s why she must know better than to think that you and Bradley would ever be interested in each other that way. First of all, Rooster would never allow that to happen, your own feelings be damned. He’s been a lone wolf since day one. Sure, he’ll talk to his friends, and get drinks with a big crowd just like anyone else, but he’s not looking for anyone closer than a buddy from work. That much is certain.

There are rumors, of course, about why that would be. Some whisper that Bradley lost his father in an airplane crash and so he refuses to let himself get attached to any one pilot out of fear of history repeating itself. Others say that he’s so competitive about getting the top result that he wouldn’t want to weaken himself by tying himself to another pilot.

Regardless, you know one thing for sure:  Rooster is not the kind of person to fall for you. Ever. From the moment he met you, Bradley’s been teasing you nonstop. The two of you engage in verbal warfare every time you’re stuck in a room together for longer than a minute. During aerial practice, the two of you risk your necks to outdo each other, and back on solid ground, you’re firing comebacks at each other like missiles.

Thus, the force of Bradley’s obstinance alone could thwart any idea of yours. There are no ideas of yours, though, none in the slightest. Rooster is a thorn in your side, a too-clever piece trying to stop you from crossing the chess board and beating him once and for all. If you have ever looked at him with different eyes, ones that shine instead of glare, that must be blamed on too many drinks or too many late nights. Anything else would be traitorous.

So, you turn your focus towards doing better, always doing better. Maverick’s demands for his selected group of pilots are a hair short of perfection; seeing as you’re one of them, you have to cross that line, be flawless as no other fighter pilot can be. You are the best of the best, but you must prove it every single time you crawl into your cockpit.

Maybe that’s why you end up pushing harder than you should during daily practice. Maybe that’s why you ignore every warning thrown your way that you’re going to get in trouble. In the end, you do, but not over a disciplinary violation. Instead, the danger headed your way is physical.

You didn’t crash. You feel like that should be stated another dozen times. Your plane was never impacted, nor was anyone harmed. The whole thing happened so quickly that you’d swear it was just a figment of your imagination were it not for the radio logs played over and over again, showing just what you did.

More specifically, the comms show what you didn’t do, and that was stay conscious during the flight. You’ve been burning the candle at both ends just trying to keep your place ahead of the other pilots, and it’s finally slowing you down instead of speeding you up. You were coming out of a sharp dive when the exhaustion took its toll.

You passed out then and there. Maverick’s shouting over your comms didn’t do anything to wake you up. Your eyes opened when you were far below the hard deck, plummeting towards the ground. It took every bit of skill in you to pull the nose of your plane up and save yourself from fiery impact.

Even after you landed, your trouble wasn’t over. You barely managed to climb out of the cockpit before you were passing out again, tumbling over the edge of the plane and falling towards the hard ground below. Your head would have struck the concrete if it weren’t for someone managing to catch you, and of all the people to be your savior, it was Rooster.

That still bewilders you. You ended up staying in the medical wing for a couple of hours with an IV to get your stats back to normal, but you’ve been cleared since then, let go with a warning to take it easy. From the moment you regained consciousness and learned what happened, you haven’t been able to stop wondering why Bradley would have been the one to catch your falling body and not any one of the other pilots.

For one thing, he would have had to act quickly to notice and grab you before your head hit the ground. For another, he would have had to be by your plane in the first place. That means Bradley was waiting for you, something he has obviously never done before. The whole situation makes no sense, and your mood isn’t exactly lifted to see Rooster waiting for you by the door of the med wing when you finally get out.

He’s been leaning up against the wall, but straightens up when he sees you. “Y/C. Good to see you upright.”

Your head is still a little fuzzy, and you really, really don’t want to hear him sniping at you, especially not after the results of the day. You don’t lose control, not when you’re in a plane. You can already picture him calling you out for that little lapse, so you decide to cut to the chase and cut him off before Bradley gets the chance.

You hold up a hand before he can say anything else. “I don’t want to hear it,” you warn him.

Rooster blinks in surprise. “Hear what?”

You laugh bitterly. “You’re here to make fun of me for passing out, obviously. If I hear a single joke about me falling for you, I’ll kick your knees in, how about that?”

“Well, I’d prefer if my knees stay intact,” Rooster says slowly, “besides, that’s not why I’m here.”

You stare at him, confused. “Why the hell else would you be here?”

Bradley spreads his hands. “To check in on you. You’ve got us all worried, Y/C. I just happen to prefer you alive rather than dead, and I wanted to make sure you were going to stay that way.”

This takes you by surprise. “Really?”

He laughs. “Is it really that much of a shocker that I might care about if you’re alright? I saw you fall when you were in that plane. I thought you wouldn’t be able to save yourself. I haven’t been shaken like that since–”

Bradley cuts himself off abruptly, but you sense what he was trying to say. No one has clear memories when they’re that young, but losing your father would do something to remind you of what it’s like to hurt.

You reach over and gently place a hand on Rooster’s back. “I’m okay,” you assure him, “due in part to someone making sure I stayed that way. Thanks for catching me.”

“Thanks for catching yourself when you were in the air,” he replies back, “that would have been harder for me to stop. Just don’t make it a habit. I’m not used to doubting you.”

You laugh. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you be this nice to me. Keep doing it, will you?”

Rooster’s smile is soft when you look back at him. “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.”

It occurs to you that Phoenix might have been right. You’ll have to check in with her later and ask what other revelations she’d been keeping from you. In the meantime, you’re perfectly content to walk back with Bradley, to talk and be happy with him. You don’t think you need anything else. Not even a top finish.

top gun tag list: empty for now!

[makingspiritualityreal]

Why Jupiter is Unhappy in Venusian Signs

I already touched on this subject before but here’s another tip why Jupiter is unhappy in Venusian signs. Of course you can argue that it’s equally struggling in Mercurial signs. I’m not saying it’s not, just focusing on Venus more in this particular post.

Venus is the representation of the natural law. External cycles and ebbs and flows of nature, changing weather. That’s why it’s friends with Saturn, the lord of karma that governs regulation of these natural laws. So if your Jupiter is conjunct Venus or in Taurus or Libra, you’re the kind of person whose motivation is very sensitive energetically and your motivation and energy levels come and go like the weather.

The problem with such a perspective is that Jupiter rules an internal supply of faith that rules positive manifestation. Jupiter gives abundance from the inside spilling out. Venus is the reverse, creating feelings of internal peace by exposing oneself to the right external stimuli. Thus, Jupiter’s joy is unconditional but Venus is very conditional on external stimuli.

As a result, people with a Venusian Jupiter have a very conditional approach towards happiness. When something goes wrong externally, they fall into a slump internally. They can resort to addictions or coping mechanisms to weather through the storm and have a hard time putting themselves back together…and then when it passes and the cycle of nature changes, they will ride it again for more supply of optimism.

The issue with that is these kind of natives put themselves out of control of their lives. Spiritually, it may simply be their karma that they are dependent on cycles of nature when it comes to their luck. That can create cycles of luck and misery, interchangeably. Meanwhile, a native with a strong Jupiter can effortlessly manifest what they want at most times, regardless of external circumstances.

The other thing that contributes to the helplessness of these natives is that their luck can simply depend on others. Jupiter in Taurus can struggle to manifest anhthing in their lives without basic family support. Jupiter in Libra needs partnerships to manifest luck in cooperation with the other.

The antidote for such a Jupiter is not relying on it excessively. Jupiter only takes you so far, as it is less grounded than Saturn. A Venusian Jupiter finds happiness when Saturn gives it enough absolutes over time, so that whatever extra Jupiter brings is a cherry on top.

Another thing that helps with such a Jupiter is spirituality, especially if it’s placed in Moksha Houses. The realization here is that we are never truly alone and there is always someone working for our favor in the spiritual realm and physical relationships is not all that we have to rely on. So instead of relying excessively on human relationships if they become corrosive or unstable, you can build a trusting connection with the Universe or your Spirit Guides.

[sspookyspoonss]

An analysis of the depictions of the Patients shadows in In Sound Mind. Spoilers.

I finished In Sound Mind and I loved it. So I’m going to talk about something I thought was really clever after thinking it through (and something people probably caught immediately but oh well). The patients shadow forms (as I will be referring to them as).

Initially I was confused at the seeming inconsistency of how the patients shadows are characterised. The Watcher and Bull are Virginia and Max’s but with exacerbated mental health issues while The Shade and The Flash are seemingly the opposites of Allen and Lucas. Then the Empty is literally just Rosemary. So why the variation in characterisation?

Then I reflected on something Agent Rainbow said in the final tape. That he will take over Desmond’s mind. That Desmond’s patients hadn’t beaten him, so why could Desmond? Then the obvious hit me.

Agent Rainbow is what Desmond fears. That he’s killing his patients rather than saving them, that he’s actually somehow a malevolent force who makes peoples lives worse (feelings exacerbated by his partner leaving him with what Magdalena said in her note ‘I want happiness’). We know that all of the games patients are impacted by Agent Rainbow and they in some way succumb to it. Therefore, the Shadows we see are the Agent Rainbow’s the Patients would have encountered if they were the protagonists of the game. Like Desmond, they represent their fears, what they were suppressing in their subconscious that was unleashed by Agent Rainbow via connection to the ‘collective unconscious.’ However, unlike Desmond, they do not overcome their shadows and thus become them, as Agent Rainbow stated he would do to Desmond.

Individual analysis:

Virginia-

Virginia has severe issues with her appearance and cannot look at herself in a mirror, feeling people are always judging her. She sings she’s scared of being lonely (‘That I’m lonely’ ‘I would tell you all about it if you’d listen’ - “A Doll’s House”) something she no longer was before being exposed to Agent Rainbow, having a relationship with a guy called Dave and a routine which involves social interaction. The Watcher attacks people who look at her, driving people away, causing her shadow to be lonely, a manifestation of her fear as a result of Agent Rainbow. This is best demonstrated by her tape occurring in an abandoned supermarket with just mannequins and dolls of her family for company. Furthermore, The Watcher’s design is based on Medusa, a woman who’s face was turned inside out and is so hideous looking at her kills you. This is a blatant manifestation of perhaps her most dominant fear, that she is physically repulsive.

Allen-

Allen has been plagued by nightmares of being swallowed by shadows since he was a child. He is so terrified of shadows and the dark he has centred his whole life around being near light. (My interpretation of Bottom of the Pit is he is so terrified of the nightmares getting worse, and seeing ‘the bottom of the pit,’ he would rather be dead, aka seeing ‘the dark end of a tunnel.’) He also seems to feel very connected to Desmond, and heavily relies on his guidance (‘When I’m uptight I call you on the phone’ - “Bottom of the Pit”). He also very explicitly wants to help people, shown both in the accident that puts him in a coma caused by him warning others ‘about the monsters,’ and in his song (‘All I’m doing is aiding, all I offer to give is a helping hand’ - “Bottom of the Pit”). The Shade is the dark abyss that Allen fears, he has literally become what he feared the most. He also actively attacks, again showing how Agent Rainbow has transformed Allen into his fear, he is now one of the ‘monsters’ in his nightmares who he worried would hurt him or other people. It also ties to his Icarus connection, if he strays too far from his safety, the lighthouse, he fears he will get swallowed by the ‘pit,’ like Icarus did the ocean. The Shade also states that Desmond ‘failed [him]’ perhaps showing even after willingly seeking help Allen both thinks he was beyond saving and was scared of that being true (‘I stay awake wondering if what you say is true, I am flawed but fixable’ - “Bottom of the Pit”).

Max-

Max’s actions are all motivated by getting visiting rights to see his daughter Maddison again, even what gets him killed is caused by a desire for this, so we can safely assume not seeing her again must be a massive fear of his. He seems scared to be fully consumed by his anger else he won’t be able to see Maddison (‘Is anger all consuming’ ‘Is darkness fast approaching’ - “Is It Me?”). Agent Rainbow makes this fear manifest, Max’s shadow, The Bull, cannot control his anger as he was learning to do with Desmond’s help (‘Even in a difficult case, progress was made’ - Rainbow Tape). The Bull also violently attacks people. Both of these things he had to prove to the court he would not do, but due to Agent Rainbow he cannot, thus his fear of never seeing Maddison is created since he won’t be granted visiting rights. He also represents the Minotaur, a beast who, in some tellings, specifically eats children. He has become something that is a danger to his daughter, something that his is both scared of being, and scared to admit that he was due to his unaddressed anger issues.

Lucas-

Lucas is a war veteran who was exposed to some primitive form of Agent Rainbow, with the resulting episode causing him to kill his friend, an event that left him with PTSD. He was evidentially close with the whole squadron of soldiers wiped out in this incident (‘We’ve got plans for what comes later’ - “Me and the Boys”) and is devastated by them all killing each other due to the Agent Rainbow (‘By a show of hands the group disbands’ ‘I’m crashing, I’m crashing down.’ - “Me and the Boys”). He can hear the voices of others impacted by Agent Rainbow and wants to unveil what the government and Mayer is doing as vengeance for what they did to him and ‘the boys.’ The Flash is an unthinking weapon, reflecting Lucas’ fear of what happened to him when exposed to Agent Rainbow, being unable to fully control himself. He also speaks very militaristically, in the Phonetic Alphabet, referring to Desmond as ‘Delta Whisky’ in his tape. This further demonstrates how Agent Rainbow has caused him in his shadow form to become the unthinking weapon of the government which he fears could occur due to his experience of exposure to the agent. It also fits in with his Cyclops connection, the most famous myth involves Odysseus blinding him to escape death. Agent Rainbow causing him to become a mindless monster means he cannot expose the government and Mayer, he is metaphorically blind, thus Mayer and the government escape death, meaning Lucas’ fear of not achieving vengeance is again manifested in his shadow form by Agent Rainbow. Rosemary also refers to the people connected to the ‘collective subconscious’ as ‘human radio towers’ (Lucas’ tape), which is reflected in the Flash’s design. Agent Rainbow has made him physically become his fear of what could be possible through Agent Rainbow.

Rosemary-

I think what reinforces my idea is Rosemary. She is the one character with a record who is NOT impacted by Agent Rainbow, she is murdered (implied to be buried alive?) rather than be subjected to it. She sings she wants to make up for creating Agent Rainbow (‘Take all that I have to give’ ‘Payment for my crime’ - “Whatever it Takes”). The Empty acts according to this, helping you. She is still herself because the nerve agent didn’t impact her, instead she used radio waves separately to contact those affected.

In conclusion, the Patients shadows are manifestations of what the characters fear the most, whether it be internal, like Virginia and Max, or external, like Allen and Lucas. The different depiction of Rosemary, who was not impacted by Agent Rainbow helps solidify this.

Thank you for reading my little rant.