#volume 3 chapter 15

[knockyasocksoff2022]

Am I the only one who loves this Mori a strange amount?

Like, he's so sweet. And with his hair down/not slicked back and his civilian outfit with stubble . . . ahhhhh!

He's totally just you're friendly local physician he-he-he . . . unless

He's a wet cat of a man in this episode, and I love it. I feel like the thing would have been so much funnier if he really was that sweet (he kind of is, at least with Elise) and was still the boss of the mafia.

Like I'm a community pillar, and oh yeah, now that you ask, I do also have this side hustle but it's really nothing. I'm just keeping a small group of people in line at the moment.

I mean, look at him, come on . . .

I live for sweet Mori.

This is NOT saying that he's totally a good marshmallow person, but I love him also being super silly and cute and pathetic while also being a cold mafia boss.

[tinysnailtales]

Yona of the Dawn Chapter 15

Wavering Determination

After hearing the prophecy and determining a path forward, we are finally on our way to meeting the dragon warriors(!). We also get the start of this Yoon gag–love it.

There is an air of intensity and mystery around the village of our first dragon warrior, which "has secretly dedicated itself to protecting [the dragon] blood" and is "not aligned with any other tribe and [doesn't] accept outsiders." Right away we learn that the dragon warrior from this tribe will probably have intense faith in the myths and will be another character who has lived in isolation, cut off from the rest of the world. It also seems like this village, and perhaps all the dragon villages, are more dedicated to the figure of the Crimson Dragon King than the country of Kouka.

Each character is charmingly fixated on something different as they leave Ik-Soo with Hak thinking about potential threats (which is accompanied by a nice reminder of the world's geography), Yoon being excited about seeing the dragon village and the world, and Yona basically ignoring the others and declaring "I wonder if soldiers will attack us again. I...need to learn...how to use a sword!"

Thus this chapter is focused on the search for the legendary dragon village and Yona's desire to learn how to use weaponry (get physically stronger). This connects back to King Il and his ambitions of nonviolence, which Hak himself emphasizes when Yona asks him to teach her how to fight.

"King Il never allowed you to touch a weapon. By doing this, I'm defying his orders. Think carefully about...why your father hated weapons."

He also really emphasizes that in order to truly learn to fight effectively, Yona must be willing to kill her opponent. Despite Hak's harsh words of reality, Yona is firm in her dedication to getting stronger and learning to fight. At least for self-defense. Hak agrees to teach her how to use a bow for now. 

I appreciate Yona's desire to learn "even if [she's] no match for [their enemies] or can't kill them." Yona is not aiming to be the best, she just simply wants to get stronger and be able to survive (and help the group do so!) It's not the point, but I like how it waves at the value of learning a skill even if you'll never be the best at it.

Hak, and really Kusanagi's, insistence that Yona must be willing to kill is really fascinating to me. Is it true? Hak holding onto King Il's ideals more than Yona is interesting too–yes, he does not put them into practice, but he feels the burden of them when entrusted with King Il's daughter.

I think like with the gods vs. humans, Yona presents a possible path of balance when it comes to violence vs. nonviolence. And this ties into the idea of "does she need to kill to fight?" I think perhaps it's less about being willing to kill and more about having her own ideals. Learning to fight not only provides development in her physical (and mental) strength, but it is part of her journey of self-discovery and identity. Very good!

Yoon seems to support Hak's way of thinking too, which is not totally surprising considering his "kill or be killed" attitude as a poor orphan. 

"When you use weapons...you shouldn't be half-hearted about it. We're talking about life-or-death situations. Self-defense is great in theory...but if powerless people like us were thrown onto the battlefield, do you think we could afford to not kill our enemies? In order to survive...we need to be ruthless and try to kill them in one shot...or fight dirty. We...have no choice but to outsmart them." 

Though perhaps the idea that only someone as skilled/strong as Hak has the choice to hold back could function as foreshadowing for the options faced by a stronger, more developed Yona.

Speaking of Yona's development, Yoon's thoughts taken with Yona failing to take out a baby boar emphasize how the "you must be willing to kill" idea fits in with Yona's development. She reflects that "drawing your bow means taking a life or letting someone take yours," which I don't think is necessarily true, but she is learning she must be decisive and stand her ground.

Hak offers some praise, noting she almost got it, but Yona can only think: "injuring it seems crueler than killing it for food" to which Hak notes "You're not committing yourself to it." Yona has already shown her willingness to commit herself to her goals, specifically her desire to protect Hak, but that is now being reinforced. I also think Yoon pointing out how the physically "powerless" and weak need to "fight dirty" and "outsmart" their enemies could point to Yona being a strategist in the future. 

Hak and Yona's archery practice is also revealing regarding Yona's feelings about Soo-Won and Hak and Yona's relationship. Hak has seen Yona desperately cling to the hairpin from Soo-Won and detach herself from reality after his betrayal–he thinks Yona is still in love with Soo-Won and unable to let go of him and her feelings. This moment shows that Yona's feelings are more complicated than that.

She says "there isn't anyone I want to kill!" but when provoked by Hak bringing up Soo-Won, she just about hits him dead-on with an arrow. She may not want to kill Soo-Won, but she does feel some messier, angrier emotions about him. That and Hak bringing him up in such a way gets to her–he's poking at a sensitive and complicated topic and he knows it. There is anger at Soo-Won and Hak. 

And yet, though Yona does not want to kill anyone (which I think is interestingly being set up as perhaps something that will change), she declares she'll "still use any weapon to protect [Hak]! No matter who [she] has to sacrifice," which is very...intense. Maybe it is because Hak feels like all she has left, at least of her past life, but it is as if he has become the center of her life and aims. Part of Hak's dedication to Yona is his (romantic) love for her, but for Yona–at least for now–it's something else. 

Yona's declaration makes Hak reassert their difference in status (after allowing himself a little forehead smooch), stating again that Yona should "think of [him] like a tool" and "you don't need to worry about tools." For someone so confident in his abilities, he has pretty low self-esteem. He really views his life as expendable.

And like damn, this is a good chapter to dive into Hak's feelings for Yona and how they impact his behavior, starting with his regrettable man-handling and over-the-line teasing at the beginning. Something to ponder and maybe return to...

Through all of this, it's kind of awesome to watch Yona struggle and dedicate a lot of time and energy to getting better at archery to the point of waking up in the middle of the night to fire arrows. In another, lesser story, she might have shown a natural aptitude or picked it up right away. Having her build the skill over time, and not just in montage fashion, makes things more realistic and also further emphasizes her character and arc. I think it also endears us to her. 

[every-yumichika]

[deus-ex-mona]

vol 2’s cover is so cute!!!

[dungeonmeshititlepages]

[nightfal1n]

I miss Ziga and still think it's a real kaiju manga we deserve but the amount of ppl on jp twt bringing it up just to bash kn8 makes me super depressed

[evildeadfan102]

I read Yuri Is My Job Chapter 15.

[e-vultures]

just finished dunmeshi vol. 1 WHY did no one tell me it was GOOD

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

NOOOO THEY WIPED THE TWST MANGA OFF MANGADEX

Oh nooo, not the DMCA takesdowns 😭 That sucks 💦

I just checked and here’s the damage:

Episode of Heartslabyul has been completely wiped

Episode of Savanaclaw only has chapters 2-11 in Spanish and chapter 11 in Portuguese

Episode of Octavinelle only has chapter 2 in Spanish, chapter 3 in Portuguese, and chapter 16 in English

Episode of Scarabia survived the purge!! It has chapters 1-4 in English, Spanish, and Portuguese

The 4koma is untouched; chapters 1-15 are intact and in English (chapter 1 is also translated into Chinese!) The 15th 4koma just released this month; it's about Kalim wanting to keep poisonous things in a room/vault to help others identify what is poisonous or not; Jamil, Crewel, and the Light/Pop Music Club members have cameos!)

The Twst Manga Anthology also made it!! It has chapters 1-16 (volume 1) and chapters 1-12 (volume 2) in English

A friend recommended this site as an alternative to read the Twst manga!! You can also reference this spreadsheet by Reddit user u/MaxTheWizard that compiles other affected Mangadex titles. Hopefully this helps!

[objectivelyimpermanent]

How to Consume The Apothecary Diaries

TLDR

Web Novel: A Pharmacist's Monologue, 387 chapters. Free in Japanese; English Translate MTL is very easy on-site. HERE.

Light Novel: The Apothecary Diaries. Partially free with an account HERE. Also Google exists. Purchaseable in Kindle/Print. 15 Japanese volumes (approx. 363 WN chapters) and 13/14 English volumes on Kindle (approx. 323/347 WN chapters) or 4/5 English volumes in print (approx. 101/128 WN chapters). Available on Amazon, Ebay, Abebooks, Facebook Marketplace. Use Bookfinder to compare prices.

Manga: x The Apothecary Diaries, ill. by Nekokurage. This illustration style is very similar to the anime. 80 manga chapters have been released. 14 Japanese volumes (74 M1 chapters, approx. 89 WN chapters, approx. 3.75 LN volumes) and 13 English volumes (68 M1 chapters, approx. 83 WN chapters, approx. 3.5 LN volumes). Available on Amazon, Ebay, Abebooks, Facebook Marketplace. Use Bookfinder to compare prices. x Maomao's Notes from the Inner Palace, ill. by Minoji Kurata. This illustration style is similar to the light novel. 84 manga chapters have been released. 19 Japanese volumes (82 M2 chapters, approx. 101 WN chapters, 4 LN volumes). There is no official English release.

Anime: The Apothecary Diaries, 29 episodes and currently airing weekly. 1 full season (42 M1 chapters or 8 volumes, approx. 31 M2 chapters or 7 volumes, approx. 56 WN chapters, 2 LN volumes). Season has 5 aired episodes as of last week (43-49 M1 chapters or volume 9, approx. 32-39 M2 chapters or half volume 8 with full volume 9, approx. 57-68 WN chapters, half LN volume 3). Season 2 will have 24 total episodes totalling to 48 episodes (possibly passing the manga release of 80 M1 chapters or 14 volumes, approx. 82 M2 chapters or 19 volumes, approx. 101 WN chapters, approx. 4 LN volumes). Free with ads on Crunchyroll. Conditionally free without ads with a Crunchyroll subscription or free trial. HERE.

Here's a spreadsheet:

Link

The Specifics

The Web Novel The Apothecary Diaries (or, A Pharmacist's Monologue) is published in Japanese for free as a web novel by Natsuo Hyuuga in 2011 on Shōsetsuka ni Narō [Let's Become a Novelist]. It is still ongoing, and the 387th chapter was published as recently as 5th February 2025. You can access it for free here. The webpages are easy to Google Translate, so if you don't mind MTL, the English translation also is free and easily accessible. To do this, right click anywhere on the webpage and select 'Translate to English'. Additionally, the website has an option to download a PDF of the entire novel. However, this is only in Japanese vertical script, and it is less easy to Google Translate.

The Novel There was a print novel of The Apothecary Diaries illustrated by Megumi Matsuda published in Japanese in 2012. It comprises a single volume, which covers 66 chapters of the web novel (the only chapters that had been released at the time). I am not aware of the availability of any English translation of this novel.

The Light Novel The Apothecary Diaries is being adapted into a light novel written by the same Natsuo Hyuuga and illustrated by Touka Shino. Some chapters are available for free on J-Novel here, but the rest require purchase. There is no legal way to access the full light novel for free. However, I have heard that Googling is easy and very profitable. The Japanese volumes began releasing in 2014. As of February 2025, there are 15 volumes in print, covering approximately 363 chapters of the web novel. The official English language release began in 2024. The English print release is around 3 years behind the Kindle release. As of February 2025, 13 volumes are available on Kindle, covering approximately 323 chapters of the web novel. The 14th volume will be released in May, covering approximately 347 chapters of the web novel. You can find these on Amazon for £6.39 each. As of February 2025, 4 volumes are available in print, covering approximately 101 chapters of the web novel. The 5th volume will be released in May, covering approximately 128 chapters of the web novel. You can find these new on Amazon or Ebay for around £13-17. You can find them secondhand for as low as £9 on Amazon or Abebooks. You can use Bookfinder to compare the prices between book vendors. Additionally, Facebook Marketplace is an underused resource.

The Manga The Apothecary Diaries is being adapted as 2 separate manga series by Itsuki Nanao. I don't know why. There are differences between the adaptations, and there are differing opinions on which one is better; I won't get into that here. I will refer to them separately as The Apothecary Diaries and Maomao's Notes from the Inner Palace. x The Apothecary Diaries is the manga adaptation illustrated by Nekokurage that began releasing in Japanese in 2017. 80 manga chapters have been released as a monthly serial. The illustration style is extremely similar to the anime. There are currently 14 volumes in print in Japanese (up to manga chapter 74), covering approximately 89 chapters of the web novel or 3.75 volumes of the light novel. The official English language release began in 2020. There are currently 13 volumes in print in English (up to manga chapter 68), covering approximately 83 chapters of the web novel or 3.5 volumes of the light novel. The 14th volume will release in October. There are Kindle versions; you can find these on Amazon for £5.65 each. You can find print versions new on Amazon or Ebay for around £10-13. You can find them secondhand for a similar price on Amazon, Ebay, or Abebooks. You can use Bookfinder to compare the prices between book vendors. Additionally, Facebook Marketplace is an underused resource. x Maomao's Notes from the Inner Palace is the manga adaptation illustrated by Minoji Kurata that began releasing in Japanese in 2017. 84 manga chapters have been released as a monthly serial. The illustration style is more similar to the light novel than to the anime. There are currently 19 volumes in print in Japanese (up to manga chapter 82), covering approximately 101 chapters of the web novel or 4 volumes of the light novel. The 20th volume will release in September. There is no official English language release.

The Anime The Apothecary Diaries is being adapted as anime. It has one complete season of 24 episodes, and season 2 is currently airing weekly. Episode 5 was released last week. Season 1 covers approximately 56 chapters of the web novel or 2 volumes of the light novel or 8 volumes of The Apothecary Diaries manga or just over 7 volumes of Maomao's Notes from the Inner Palace. I expect season 2 wholly to cover approximately chapters 57-101 of the web novel or the 3rd and 4th volumes of the light novel, possibly exceeding the currently manga release with the 9th-14th volumes of The Apothecary Diaries manga or the latter half of the 8th volume through the 19th volumes of Maomao's Notes from the Inner Palace. You can access it in dub and sub on Crunchyroll here. It is free with ads. You can watch it without ads by subscribing to Crunchyroll for £4.99/mo. The first subscription on a Crunchyroll account includes a 7 day free trial. This requires you to enter your payment information before granting access. However, if you cancel the trial immediately after subscribing, you will retain access to the subscription services for the remainder of the trial period without worrying about the subscription charging your card at the end.

Edit 250215S: some corrections regarding the length of season 2 of the anime. Thanks to @blur0se for bringing that to my attention.

[tinysnailtales]

I love how Hak and Yona have this classic romance moment of physical closeness while teaching/learning a skill but Yona remains unaffected.

It's not a blushy, flustered moment of "omg he's so close to me, I can feel his breath/heartbeat/whatever" (though she will have that later). She doesn't have those feelings yet and she is so focused on the task of learning archery. Hak is surely more affected but we don't even linger on that.

I don't know! It's a nice change of pace. From the outside/our pov we see the romance of it all, but a visual usually used more for the romance aspect is highlighting something else first and foremost. All the while we can still enjoy it as a hakyona moment.

It also showcases their comfort and closeness with each other.

[necessiteez]

HONGJOONG SMUT FIC RECS LIBRARY

disclaimer: I do not own any of these works and they do not represent the real kim hongjoong. all rights belong to the respective writers who made them.

everything listed will be only hongjoong x reader (fem/male/gn) pairing and it will contain suggestive/smut themes. if it includes another member, I will also indicate it. fics will be categorized into aus so it will be easy to find.

I won't be including mtls, bullet lists, and other members' fics. if you are looking for recs with different members I'm sure other atinys have posted their own lists. These are all personal favorites and I'll only be including tropes/aus that I'm comfortable with (there won't be a/b/o, master kink, hybrid aus etc. sorry).

lastly, please let the writers know if you love their works so we can enjoy more of their content. have fun reading!

1. First Floor

˚̣̣̣ ꒷︶†︶꒷˚̣̣̣︶ ͡𑁬 you are here ໒ ͡ ︶˚̣̣̣꒷︶†︶꒷ ˚̣̣̣˚̣̣̣ ꒷︶†︶꒷˚̣̣̣︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶˚̣̣̣꒷︶†︶꒷ ˚̣̣̣

1.5 Secret Room

˚̣̣̣ ꒷︶†︶꒷˚̣̣̣︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶˚̣̣̣꒷︶†︶꒷ ˚̣̣̣˚̣̣̣ ꒷︶†︶꒷˚̣̣̣︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶˚̣̣̣꒷︶†︶꒷ ˚̣̣̣

2. Second Floor

˚̣̣̣ ꒷︶†︶꒷˚̣̣̣︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶˚̣̣̣꒷︶†︶꒷ ˚̣̣̣˚̣̣̣ ꒷︶†︶꒷˚̣̣̣︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶˚̣̣̣꒷︶†︶꒷ ˚̣̣̣

2.5 Banned Books

˚̣̣̣ ꒷︶†︶꒷˚̣̣̣︶ ͡𑁬 ???????? ໒ ͡ ︶˚̣̣̣꒷︶†︶꒷ ˚̣̣̣˚̣̣̣ ꒷︶†︶꒷˚̣̣̣︶ ͡𑁬♱໒ ͡ ︶˚̣̣̣꒷︶†︶꒷ ˚̣̣̣

3. Third Floor

⚠︎UNDER CONSTRUCTION⚠︎

✶ - favorites

╔══ first♕floor ══╗

「 ✦ Vampire!Hongjoong ✦ 」

✶ Honey and Blood - @nateezfics (wc 8.6k)

In the Night feat. Seonghwa - @ja3hwa (wc 2.53k)

✶ People, Running poly, multi-chapter- themoonlightfae on ao3 (wc 50k+)

Sweet Trouble feat. Wooyoung - Atiny_DazzlingLight on ao3 (wc 6.2k)

vampire! hongjoong - @xuchiya

✶ Delicious feat. Seonghwa - @jagibangbangchan (wc 5k)

「 ✦ Friends with Benefits!Hongjoong ✦ 」

✶ I Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way - @severetimetravelnerd (wc 9k+)

Leave Me With Nothing - @min-gis (wc 5.7k)

✶ Mine feat. Seonghwa - @smileysuh (wc 3.4k)

Naked Truth - @essenteez (wc 6.1k)

Late Night Rendezvous PART 1 - @sanjoongie (wc 1k)

Nightclub Affair PART 2 - sanjoongie (wc 3k)

Voicemail - TgemstoneT on ao3 (wc 3.4k)

「 ✦ Sugar Daddy!Hongjoong ✦ 」

✶ Wetting Your Lips - @k-hotchoisan

Avaritia - @hwaightme (wc 8.3k)

Baby Said feat. Seonghwa - @destiny-fics

Taken - @hwanchaesong (wc 8k)

Never Too Much - @iwannasuckyourmonstercock

「 ✦ Incubus/Demon!Hongjoong ✦ 」

✶ Say My Name - twinmoles on ao3 (wc 7.6k)

Incubus! Hongjoong - sanjoongie (wc 2k)

The King chapter from a series- @destiny-fics

The Library of Illusions - Restricted Section finale of a series - @kwanisms (wc 9.6k)

✶ Jealousy, Jealousy - destiny-fics

The King's Games series - @hanatiny

Their Pretty Pet feat. San, Seonghwa- @written-in-flowers (wc 7k)

The King of Rot chapter from a series - pearlypearlypearl on ao3 (wc 8k)

Demon Line feat. San, Seonghwa - HalaHollow on ao3 (wc 4.7k)

Day 1 - @ocean-ai (wc 2.8k)

✶ Wings and Thorns - @kitten4sannie (wc 3.4k)

Hotel California part 7 poly,multi-chapter - mint-yooxgi (wc 9.9k)

✶ Paradise Gardens part 15 (Hotel California 2nd volume) - mint-yooxgi (wc 23k)

Inferno - pyeonghongrie (wc 1.6k)

Fallen Angel feat. Yeosang- darkmulti

Devil Eyes part 1 - @hwashotcheeto (wc 2.3k)

Devil Eyes part 2 - hwashotcheeto (wc 1.8k)

All Hands on Me - k-hotchoisan

「 ✦ Hongjoong at the Studio ✦ 」

includes: Producer! Hongjoong, Idol! Hongjoong

✶ Sharing is Caring feat. Mingi - @byuntrash101 (wc 5.2k)

0:126am At His Studio - @sanflowerseeds

✶ Audio Angel - @marigold-doms

Make You Feel Better - @hongthoven (wc 3.2k)

Studio Sessions feat. Jongho - Atiny_DazzlingLight on ao3 (wc 5k)

To Make an Album - @bambikisss

✶ Make You Cry for Me (When I Put My Lips on You) - wonuha on ao3 (wc 5.7k)

Studio Time feat. Mingi - @yuta-senpai (wc 1.9k)

✶ Public/Recorded Sex feat. Wooyoung - @hongism (wc 4k)

Fragile - @ilwonuu

Attention feat. Seonghwa - @beginningofwonderland

22:48 - @beatteez

Two's Better Than One feat. Mingi - @ateezscupid

After Hours - nateezfics (wc 500)

「 ✦ Soft!Hongjoong ✦ 」

includes: Soft Dom! Hongjoong, Service Top! Hongjoong, Needy! Hongjoong, lots and lots and lots of praise my favorite

Morning Haze - nateezfics (wc 1.4k)

✶ All Mine - hongthoven (wc 2.6k)

✶ Oxygen - whatudowhennooneseesyou (wc 820)

✶ Addicted - @justaaveragereader (wc 1.8k)

HJ & Shibari - @mia-tiny (wc 729)

Precious - @latte-fairytaekwoon (wc 3k)

✶ Pretty Pink - nateezfics (wc 2k)

My Angel - @mirror-juliet

✶ You're My Desire - hongism (wc 1.3k)

Day 17: Body Worship - @ateezreactionsandscenarios (wc 1k)

Scream It Louder - atinywooyoung on a03

Keep Me Close - crimsonbubble

Early Mornings - ddeongsami on ao3 (wc 3.3k)

✶ Good Morning Captain - iguessireadfanficnow on a03 (wc 2k)

✶ Sleep Better - @tinyidle (wc 2k)

Need You - @luvryeo (wc 500)

✶ Untitled drabble- @atinycafe (wc 900)

Stay - atinycafe (wc 1.2k)

Be Hongjoong's cockslut - k-hotchoisan

Take It Easy gn!reader- ocean-ai (wc 700)

✶ Through It All feat. Mingi - @felixsramen

Glad You Came - @frenchkisstheabyss (wc 1.8k)

A Hazy Evening gn!, high sex- cheollipop (wc 1.8k)

Untitled drabble - byuntrash101

* First Time

Philoselene - @ncteez

Untitled drabble - k-hotchoisan

✶ First Time - whatudowhennooneseesyou (wc 2k)

「 ✦ Non-Human!Hongjoong ✦ 」

✶ Here Were Fairies fairy!hongoong - pearlypearlypearl on ao3 (wc 10k)

Ugly Dragon dragon!hongjoong- @thelargefrye (wc 2k)

✶ Shells mermaid!hongjoong - @last-words-ofashootingstar (multi-chapter)

Something Sinister feat. Seonghwa- @hansols-yoda-boxers (wc 5.2k)

Day 3: Mirror Sex Grim Reaper!Hongjoong - sanjoongie (wc 1.8k)

Project Omen dragon!Hongjoong feat. Wooyoung- @atzfilm (wc 40k)

Drowning in Pleasure siren!Hongjoong- @twisted-tales-of-all (wc 2.3k)

🆕✨ Gaze of Stone gorgon!Hongjoong - @ilovejeongintoo (wc 5k)

「 ✦ Bad Boy!Hongjoong ✦ 」

includes Goth, Emo, Punk dark aesthetic Hongjoong

✶ Ohmami - bambikisss

Dark Kiss part 1 - latte-fairytaekwoon (wc 5k)

Dark Kiss part 2 - latte-fairytaekwoon (wc 8.5k)

Ugh, As If - @ennysbookstore (wc 11k)

Ugh, As If bonus 1 - ennysbookstore (wc 5.4k)

Ugh, As If bonus 2 - ennysbookstore (wc 5.5k)

˖ ࣪⭑last updated 07/05/24 ˖ ࣪⭑

[internetdaddy98]

The Ties That Bind Us - Chapter 11

Previous | Next

[Series Masterlist] Content Warning: mentions of suicide; attempt; death; family death; ptsd; blood; Notes: This one is a heavy one, take care of yourselves <3 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The air outside the ambulance bay was cold. Sharper than usual for summer. You wrapped your arms around yourself, sipping slowly from a paper cup. The ER behind you buzzed with the usual volume—overcrowded, understaffed, just like every Tuesday. She’d stepped out for one minute. Just one breath.

Then it happened.

The sound was small at first. A metallic click, followed by a voice—low, broken, begging.

“Don’t come any closer.”

Her eyes snapped up.

A young man—maybe mid-twenties—stood at the far end of the bay. Pale, shaking. A glint of metal in his hand. A pistol. His eyes were wide with panic.

“I—I don’t want to go back. I can’t go back.”

You didn’t move. Didn’t breathe.

Then the gun went off.

One shot. A pop of violence against the stillness of morning.

Blood sprayed the bay wall.

And you were gone.

Your knees hit the concrete. Coffee spilled. Hands trembling, not from cold but from memory.

The smell of copper filled her nostrils even though she wasn’t close enough to smell it. The world narrowed to a pinprick and the sound of her heartbeat.

Fifteen-year-old Connor.

Blue bedsheets.

The sound of her own screaming.

The EMTs rushed out. Shouts, orders, panic. But you couldn’t move.

You were eleven again. On the stairs. Finding him.

Finding him.

Why didn’t you save me?

The voice in her head was Connor’s. It always was. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The unmistakable sound of a gunshot shattered the air. It came from the ambulance bay, sharp and violent, and Robby’s heart slammed into his chest as the noise echoed in his ears.

Without thinking, he was on his feet, grabbing his jacket and rushing toward the door.

“Y/N!” He called, his voice more urgent than he meant it to be.

The ambulance bay was a blur of activity. Two medics were scrambling to secure the patient, blood pooling beneath him as his body shook, but Robby’s eyes never left you.

You were crouched down beside the man, that’s when Robby saw it. The flash in your eyes. The tension in your jaw. That brief, unguarded look that told him you were somewhere else.

In that second, everything changed.

She was trying to keep herself together.

“Hey—hey, Y/N.”

Someone was kneeling in front of her. Hands on her arms. She flinched, then focused.

Robby.

He crouched down, eyes wide and worried. “It’s okay. You’re safe. Look at me.”

You tried. But your throat was closing.

“He—he was just a kid,” you whispered. “He was just a kid.”

“I know,” Robby said softly. “I know.”

But he didn’t. Not all of it. Not the part of her that was still trapped in a basement twenty years ago.

You blinked hard, but the tears came anyway. One slid down your cheek and dripped off your chin before you could stop it. Robby reached up and gently brushed the next one away.

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s get you inside.”

—

You sat in the on-call room, blankets draped around your shoulders, blankets tucked around your lap. Dana handed you a fresh cup of tea and quietly excused herself with a squeeze to your hand.

Robby stayed.

He sat beside you, saying nothing. Just waiting.

Finally, you spoke.

“When I was eleven... my brother killed himself. In our grandparents' basement. While I was home.”

Robby’s breath caught, but he didn’t interrupt.

“Our parents died when I was three. Drunk driver. I barely remember them. Our grandparents raised us. Connor was... he was my whole world after that. But it was too much for him—”

Your voice broke.

“He was 15. I found him. He didn’t leave a note. He didn’t even shut the door.”

You looked down at your hands, clenched white around the tea.

“Today just... I couldn’t stop seeing it. That sound—when the gun went off—it was the same.”

Robby’s hand closed over yours.

Warm. Steady.

“You don’t have to explain it,” he said gently.

You nodded, but her mouth still moved.

“I’ve never told anyone here. Not really. I think—I think part of me still thinks if I talk about it, it makes it real again. Like I’m stuck there.”

Robby shifted closer. “You’re not stuck. You’ve built a life from the ashes of all that pain, Y/N. You show up here every day and save people. That’s not being stuck—that’s survival. And it is strength.”

You let out a shaky breath.

“You don’t have to carry all of it alone,” he added. “Not anymore.”

You looked at him. Really looked.

And in that moment, something changed.

This wasn’t about adrenaline anymore. Or proximity. Or fleeting tension in trauma rooms. This was about two people who had been alone for a very long time, finally seeing each other clearly.

“You always know what to say,” you whispered.

“I don’t,” Robby said, voice hoarse. “But I know how it feels to carry something like that. And I know I’d carry it for you if you’d let me.”

You didn’t trust yourself to speak. So you leaned, slowly, carefully, into his shoulder. Letting your cheek rest against the navy blue of his hoodie.

Robby didn’t move for a long time. Then his arm came around you, and you let yourself breathe. He exhaled quietly as she shifted next to him. Her head still rested against his shoulder, body soft and warm beneath his arm. He didn’t move. Wouldn’t. Not until she did.

“You don’t have to go back out there,” he said eventually, keeping his voice low.

You stirred. “I can’t leave you guys short.”

“You’re not. We’re fine. I already texted Collins.”

That made you look up. “You did?”

“I did.”

You blinked. Your voice dropped. “You’re pulling rank on me now?”

“Only when I’m worried.”

You sat up slightly, frowning. “I don’t need special treatment, Robby.”

He studied you for a moment. Your cheeks were still flushed from crying, and your lashes clumped together in places where the tears hadn’t fully dried. You looked like hell.

You looked beautiful.

“This isn’t special treatment,” he said. “It’s being human. You just relived the worst moment of your life in real time. You need to rest.”

“I’ll go crazy if I just go home and sit with it.”

“You won’t be sitting with it.” He rose and offered a hand. “You’ll be sitting with me.”

You didn’t take his hand right away. Just looked at it, warily. Like reaching for it might mean more than you were ready to say.

Eventually, slowly, you slid your fingers into his.

He held on gently. No pressure.

Just enough.

He drove her home in silence.

Not because he didn’t want to talk—but because he could tell she wasn’t ready yet. You curled against the passenger seat window like the weight of the day had finally caught up with you. Your cardigan sleeves pulled down over your hands. Your hospital badge still clipped crookedly to your scrub top.

Your apartment was quiet. A faint scent of citrus and fabric softener in the air. There were books stacked on every surface. A mug of tea gone cold on the coffee table. 

You dropped your bag and stood in the middle of the living room, suddenly unsure.

Robby stepped closer. “Want to lie down?”

“I should probably shower first. I smell like sweat and salt.”

He gave a soft smile. “I wasn’t going to say anything.”

“You were absolutely going to say something.”

“Fine. You smell a little like saline and metal.”

You snorted, almost involuntarily, and that was the sound he’d been waiting for—the smallest sign that you were still in there beneath the weight of it all.

He touched your arm. “Go shower. I’ll make you tea.”

You hesitated, then nodded and disappeared down the hall.

He stood in her living room like a man in someone else’s dream. Out of place but reverent. Carefully, he moved into her small kitchen, boiling water, searching the cabinet for mugs.

When she returned twenty minutes later, wrapped in an oversized sweatshirt and plaid pajama pants, hair damp and skin scrubbed pink, she looked like someone different. Still fragile. Still carrying it.

But real. Softer around the edges.

She took the mug from him, fingers brushing.

“Thank you.”

He nodded. “Anytime.”

They sat on the couch, barely inches apart. The TV was on low, but neither of them watched. She kept her eyes on her tea. Robby kept his eyes on her.

You were the first to speak.

“I was a mess today.”

“No,” he said firmly. “You were human. You’ve carried that pain quietly for twenty years, and today it blindsided you. That doesn’t make you a mess—it makes you strong.”

You swallowed hard. Your voice was hoarse. “You really believe that?”

“I do.”

You looked up then, slowly, and your eyes locked.

That night, long after he had gone, you sat alone in your apartment, staring at an old photo of Connor. His braces. His dimples. The skateboard he used to leave in the hallway.

You lit a candle.

Then you picked up your phone and texted Robby:

Thank you. For today. For seeing me.

The reply came a minute later.

Always.

[durgeapologist]

Let's Talk About Ir Abelas, Da'ean

As some of you may know, I am vehemently against the dishonest use of AI in fandom and creative spaces. It has been brought to my attention by many, many people (and something I myself have thought on many times) that there is a DreadRook fic that is super popular and confirmed to be written at least partially with AI. I have the texts to prove it was written (at least) with the help of the Grammarly Rewrite generative feature.

Before I go any further, let it be known I was friends with this author; their use of rewrite features is something they told me and have told many other people who they have shared their fic with. It is not however, at the time of posting this, tagged or mentioned on their fic on AO3, in any capacity. I did in fact reach out to the author before making this post. They made absolutely no attempt to agree to state the use of Rewrite AI on their fic, nor be honest or upfront (in my opinion) about the possibility of their fic being complete generative AI. They denied the use of generative AI as a whole, though they did confirm (once again) use of the rewrite feature on Grammarly.

That all said: I do not feel comfortable letting this lie; since I have been asked by many people to make this, this post is simply for awareness.

You can form your own opinion, if you wish to. In fact, I encourage you to do such.

Aside from the, once again, high volume word output of around 352K words in less than 3 months (author says they had 10 chapters pre-written over "about a month" before they began posting; they are also on record saying they can write 5K-10K daily) from November until now, I have also said if you are familiar with AI services or peruse AI sites like ChatGPT, C.AI, J.AI, or any others similar to these, AI writing is very easy to pick out.

After some intense digging, research, and what I believe to be full confirmation via AI detection software used by professional publishers, there is a large and staggering possibility that the fic is almost entirely AI generated, bar some excerpts and paragraphs, here and there. I will post links below of the highly-resourced detection software that a few paragraphs and an entire chapter from this fic were plugged into; you are more than welcome to do with this information what you please.

I implore you to use critical thinking skills, and understand that when this many pieces in a work come back with such a high percentage of AI detected, that there is something going on. (There was a plethora of other AI detection softwares used that also corroborate these findings; I only find it useful to attach the most reputable source.)

Excerpts:

82% Likely Written by AI, 4% Plagiarism Match

98% Likely Written by AI, 2% Plagiarism Match

100% Likely Written by AI, 4% Plagiarism Match

Some excerpts do in fact come back as 100% likely written by human; however, this does not mean that the author was not using the Grammarly Paraphrase/Rewrite feature for these excerpts.

The Grammarly Paraphrase/Rewrite feature does not typically clock as AI generative text, and alongside the example below, many excerpts from other fics were take and put through this feature, and then fed back into the AI detection software. Every single one came back looking like this, within 2% of results:

So, in my opinion, and many others, this goes beyond the use of the simple paraphrase/rewrite feature on Grammarly.

Entire Chapter (Most Recent):

67% Likely Written by AI

As well, just for some variety, another detection software that also clocked plagiarism in the text:

15% Plagiarism Match

To make it clear that I am not simply 'jealous' of this author or 'angry' at their work for simply being a popular work in the fandom, here are some excerpts from other fanfics in this fandom and in other fandoms that were ran through the same exact same detection software, all coming back as 100% human written. (If you would like to run my fic through this software or any others, you are more than welcome to. I do not want to run the risk of OP post manipulation, so I did not include my own.)

The Wolf's Mantle

100% Likely Human Written, 2% Plagiarism Match

A Memory Called Desire

99% Likely Human Written

Brand Loyalty

100% Likely Human Written

Heart of The Sun

98% Likely Human Written

Whether you choose to use AI in your own fandom works is entirely at your own discretion. However, it is important to be transparent about such usage.

AI has many negative impacts for creatives across many mediums, including writers, artists, and voice actors.

If you use AI, it should be tagged as such, so that people who do not want to engage in AI works can avoid engaging with it if they wish to.

ALL LINKS AND PICTURES COURTESY OF: @spiritroses

[evildeadfan102]

I read I'm a Behemoth, an S-Ranked Monster, but Mistaken for a Cat, I Live as an Elf Girl's Pet Chapter 15.

[dunmeshistash]

Dungeon Meshi - "Dungeon Meals" from volumes 1 to 4

More info under the cut

Decided to compile the dungeon meals anyway. These are from chapter 1 to 28 (Volumes 1 to 4)

There were a total of 24 "meals" (counting the special panels) in the 28 chapters. Meal is anything that gets the named panel, so kelpie soap giant frog suit and Falin skeleton count (cause that's funny). I'm using EHScans pages because they have a better resolution usually (and for consistency)

Anyway here's the meals of each chapter and who made them.

Chapter 1 - Hot pot Meal: Huge Scorpion and Walking Mushroom Hot Pot Cooked by: Mostly Senshi but Laios started it.

Chapter 2 - Tart Meal: Man-Eating Plant Tart Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 3 - Roast Basilisk Meal: Roast Basilisk Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 4 - Omelet Meal: Mandrake & Basilisk Omelet Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 5 - Kakiage Meal: Mandrake Kakiage & Giant Bat Tempura Cooked by: Senshi and Chilchuck

Chapter 7 - Living Armor II Meal: Living Armor Full Course Meal, consisting of: Dwarf-Style Stir Fry, Steamed Living Armor, Living Armor Soup and Grilled Living Armor Cooked by: Senshi (Others helped with prepping)

Chapter 8 - Simmered Cabbage Meal: Vegetable Lunch, Fresh off the Golem Fields, consisting of: Simmered Whole Cabbage and Turnip Salad. Cooked by: Senshi (Others helped with prepping)

Chapter 9 - Orcs Meal: Stolen Vegetables, Simmed Cabbage & Chicken with a side of Plundered Bread Cooked by: Senshi, Marcille, Laios, Chilchuck, Zon and other Orc Ladies

Chapter 10 - Snacks Meal: All Natural♡Delicious Treasure Bug Snacks, consisting of: Treasure Bug Nest Jam, Coin Bug Crackers and Pearl Centipede Skewers Cooked by: Senshi (Laios helped by.. watching)

Chapter 11 - Sorbet Meal 1: Deluxe♪Multicultural Holy Water Cooked by: Senshi Meal 2: Protective Ward! Spirit Dispelling Sorbet Cooked by: Senshi and Laios

Chapter 12 - Palace Cuisine Meal: Palace Cuisine Full Course Meal, consisting of: Sautéed Fish with Soybeans, Pumpkin Soup, Fruit, Golden Wheat Bread, Golden cow Cheese and Roast Duck Cooked by: Palace Cooks? Painter? Magic?

Chapter 13 - Boiled in Salt Water Meal: Boiled Mimic Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 14 - Kelpie "Meal": Kelpie Tallow Soap Cooked by: Marcille

Chapter 15 - Porridge Meal: Zosui Made from Dropped Barley Cooked by: Laios

Chapter 16 - Broiled with Sauce Meal: Giant Parasite from Giant Kraken: Grilled Plain and Kabayaki Style Cooked by: Senshi (Laios Helped with prepping the skewers and ate one raw and suffered)

Chapter 18 - Grilled Meat Meal: Grilled Kelpie Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 19 - Tentacles "Meal": Tentacles With Vinegar Dressing Cooked by: Namari (with Laios instructions)

Chapter 20 - Stew Meal: Tentacle & Kelpie Stewed in an Undine Cooked by: Marcille (With Senshi's help)

Chapter 21 - Giant Frogs Meal 1: Tentacle Gnocchi Cooked by: Senshi Meal 2: Frog Suit Cooked by: Laios and Chilchuck

Chapter 23 - Red Dragon I Meal: Let's Cutlet the Dragon to Pieces! Cooked by: Senshi

Chapter 27 - Red Dragon V "Meal": Falin & Warg Skelletons Cooked by: Laios & Marcille (Red Dragon helped clean up the bones really well)

Chapter 28 - Red Dragon VI Meals: Roast Red Dragon, Pizza Bread with Onions and Dragontail Soup Cooked by: Senshi

The chapters that had no "meal is done" panel were chapters

6 - Living Armor I

17 - Raspberries

22 - Above Ground

24 - Red Dragon II

25 - Red Dragon III

26 - Red Dragon IV

Mostly the multipart chapters, there was food eaten in 17 and 22 but no special panel for them, 17 is the titular raspberries and 22 the barmaids serve them a meal they eat right at the end

The chapter with more than one "meal" panels (not more than one meal prepared just more than one special panel for the meals) were:

11 - Sorbet with Holy Water and Sorbet

21 - Giant Frog with Gnocchi and Frog Suit

And the party stats are:

Senshi: 17 meals cooked, all of them food

Chilchuck: 3 "meals" cooked, 2 of them were food, 1 of them was a Frog Suit

Marcille: 4 "meals" cooked, 2 of them were food, 1 of them was soap and 1 of them was Falin skeleton reconstruction. She made the soap by herself and the stew mostly by herself

Laios: 5 "meals" cooked , 3 of them were food, 1 of them was a frog suit and 1 was Falin skeleton reconstruction. He also helped with 4 other meals (kinda) and 1 of them he made by himself (The zosui)

Out of the 24 meals in these 4 volumes, 21 were food and 3 were "other"

Out the 21 food meals Senshi made 17 of them, Laios made 1 Marcille made 1 and the other 2 was Namari and Living Painting Cooks.

I often get confused with numbers so if I said anything wrong feel free to correct me! Might do less volumes for the next post we'll see