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#waiting for karma to liberate me
deathbyoctopi · 2 years
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“My greatest fear is to waste away the rest of my life in endless regrets”
“I still hope that a flicker of light will appear in my heart”
“I am waiting for karma to liberate spirits, liberate souls and liberate me -even though I am already too determinate to let go”
“If I get rid of these inner demons, would you forgive me?”
“Gaining freedom from destiny, starting all over again”
HOLLY FUCKING SHIT MAN
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disabledunitypunk · 5 months
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I want to revisit exactly why we founded this blog in the first place.
I was viscerally reminded of it while scrolling an entirely different liberation tag. I found a post that I liked and went to the blog to see if I might like to follow them. The second recent post on their blog was this, which as I was reading I found myself relating to.
Warning for uncensored references to slurs. This is done for readability in the context of talking about them, and the slurs are neither being aimed at anyone nor reclaimed in this context, even where reclaimable.
You know how you look back at past shitty connections, friends, family dynamics, and relationships and you're like "I can't believe I let them treat me that way"? I think it hits differently with disability because when you're disabled you don't always even know that you're being mistreated and/ or abused in regards to it.
I know statistically disabled people are more likely to be abused but sometimes there's an additional type of abuse that's hard to identify even in hindsight because no one tells you how abusive it is.
But ableist abuse relating to your disability can look like:
Pushing you to do things beyond your limitations despite their awareness of them.
Blaming you for the "inconveniences" brought on by things beyond your control (ex: missing a movie because you had to wait for your pain meds to kick in).
Not allowing you to take breaks or antagonizing you when you do.
Bullying or making fun of things you can't help like gait, a lisp, an embarrassing symptom.
Trying to "cure" or "fix" you, often framing it as "helping" you. Sometimes they look similar and you might be able to tell by their reaction towards lack of improvement.
Holding over you the things they have to do for you (cooking, cleaning, driving, working, etc).
Giving ultimatums that demand things of you that you can't do (getting a job, keeping up with multiple chores).
Using insulting terms, language, and/or slurs that you have not permitted them to or in a context where there is intent to harm you.
Interrogating you about your disability or trying to find discrepancies between your experiences and what they've heard/read/seen about it.
Implying or saying anything along the lines of you faking, being lazy, or exaggerating.
Reducing you to a hypochondriac, saying you enjoy being disabled because you seem to like having things done for you, or that you're lazy or abusing them by depending on them for things.
Asking you about it not to learn more, but to use it against you in some way.
Having a martyr complex, acting as if they're a hero for giving you the support you deserve.
Calling you a burden, implying you to be one, or treating you like one.
Acting like you owe them a debt, sometimes even demanding some kind of repayment. Keeping track of money they spend on you that you won't be able to pay back, feeling entitled to things like control, sex, a portion of government benefits, etc.
Self victimizing. They act like you being disabled causes more suffering to themselves than you.
Accusing you of being addicted to your medication. If you genuinely develop an addiction a normal response is concern not rage, finger pointing, etc. if you don't have one baseless claims are very harmful
Trying to force you to stop "depending" on things you need like medication and disability aids
Comparing you to others that are doing "better" than you. Maybe showing you inspiration porn of someone with no legs for example doing incredible things- which is great for them but the "I don't let my disability stop me so you can do anything" shit is harmful. Some of us will get very unwell if we try, and some just can't.
Trying to make others also see you as dramatic, faking, or lazy. Often embarrassing and mocking you as well.
Withholding things you need like medication or disability aids as a punishment
Saying your disability is karma or something inflicted by a divine entity/religious figure. Maybe as punishment for not praying, being queer, or something else they disagree with.
Saying that it's a result of being "promiscuous"/ LGBT. For instance if you have HIV or ME/ CFS that was a result of something like mononucleosis ("kissing disease")
Shaming you for things related to your disability beyond your control or expressing embarrassment over these things. including but not limited to: appearance (general but also things like say a lupus butterfly rash or weight gain/loss), having to lay down in public (ex: with POTS), inability to keep up with hygiene, etc.
Lacking boundaries and acting as if they are entitled to information or intrusion of your space/belongings due to the power they hold over you and assistance they may provide.
Implying/saying you're living an extended vacation. Maybe one they say they wish they had because they have to do x y z while you "sit around"
Abandoning you solely for your disability (ex: because you can't hang out, they don't want a disabled partner, think you're faking, etc)
Note that someone doing one or two of these things a few times doesn't always mean they're abusing you (also depends on which). It's about the patterns and frequency of this behavior as well as refusal to improve once aware that they're hurting you. People who care about you don't want to hurt you and the normal response is to do their best not to repeat the action that negatively affected you
There are more examples and you can feel free to list some
Except it was then, at the very bottom, followed by:
✨This is about physical illnesses and disabilities, please don't derail✨
So let's go point by point, shall we?
Pushing you to do things beyond your limitations despite their awareness of them.
This is universal to all forms of disability, and in fact neurodisabled people are often pushed beyond their limitations by people aware of them precisely because those people think neurodivergence can't be profoundly disabling, rather than thinking a specific individual's physical disability isn't so in their specific case or based on their specific diagnosis.
Blaming you for the "inconveniences" brought on by things beyond your control (ex: missing a movie because you had to wait for your pain meds to kick in).
While this one is universal to abuse in general, I have no problem with a post about ableism focusing on ableist abuse. There is in fact a unique manifestation of this kind of abuse with ableism, where the things that are beyond your control specifically are also causing significant distress to you, as opposed to another aspect of your life like a physical feature or care breaking down or something that is either neutral or external.
However, it is in fact not only not exclusive to physical disability, but in fact one of the primary ways neuroableism manifests, because neuroableism relies on blaming individuals for things beyond their control by pushing the narrative that it would be in our control if we just "tried harder". This is not unique to neuroableism, either; corpoableism very much does this too, precisely because it relies on the sanist ideology that physically disabled folks are not intellectually capable of knowing our own disabilities and limits.
Erasing either type from the narrative would be wrong and lead to a reductive and facile understanding of ableism.
Not allowing you to take breaks or antagonizing you when you do.
Once again universal. Not being allowed to take breaks for neurodisabled people can lead to burnout, PTSD, self-injury, brain damage, traumagenically triggered development of chronic pain disorders and chronic illness, and more.
Bullying or making fun of things you can't help like gait, a lisp, an embarrassing symptom.
Once again universal, and I'd like to point out that gait can be and lisps usually are neurological in nature. They are very much physical manifestations of what are often or even primarily neurological conditions, and are in those cases considered forms of neurodivergence.
Trying to "cure" or "fix" you, often framing it as "helping" you. Sometimes they look similar and you might be able to tell by their reaction towards lack of improvement.
Autism S/peaks exists for this exact reason. "Curing" divergences in functional neurology is the entire basis of sanism and therefore fighting it is a fundamental part of the very foundation of mad liberation. This is actually a form of ableism more prevalent against neurodivergence, especially unpalatable neurodivergence, than physical disability. It is even present against nondisabling neurodivergence (that which causes neither distress nor dysfunction), which is an important facet to consider in understanding how ableism functions - even solely against people who ARE disabled.
Holding over you the things they have to do for you (cooking, cleaning, driving, working, etc).
Yet again universal. Somehow I wonder if this person thinks neurodisabilities aren't actually, well, disabling. Neurodisabilities can make you unable to cook, clean, drive, work, make appointments and access care, do paperwork required to receive the "benefits" you need to survive, and more, just as physical disabilities can.
Giving ultimatums that demand things of you that you can't do (getting a job, keeping up with multiple chores).
Again, neurodisabilities are disabling.
Using insulting terms, language, and/or slurs that you have not permitted them to or in a context where there is intent to harm you.
Retard. Stupid. Crazy. Idiot. Insane. Dumb. Sociopath. Bipolar. Narcissist. Psychopath. Schizo. Antisocial.
Just because you refuse to recognize many of these as slurs doesn't make them not slurs, and they are certainly "insulting terms and language". The ones mentioned are specifically often weaponized against neurodisabled people based on various aspects of their neurodisabilities, and not always based on the exact definitional meaning or common usage of the slur. For example, a person with ADHD might be called "insane" for finding their ADHD profoundly disabling, despite ADHD not typically being considered under the umbrella of disorders/neurodivergencies most impacted by sanism.
Interrogating you about your disability or trying to find discrepancies between your experiences and what they've heard/read/seen about it.
Refusing to recognize autism outside of "Rain Man" stereotypes. Refusing to recognize inattentive and mixed subtypes of ADHD. Refusing to recognize cluster B disorders if a person seems "nice". Refusing to recognize OCD outside of excessive cleaning. Refusing to recognize complex dissociative disorders outside of a very narrow definition that excludes medically recorded and accepted presentations of CDDs. Refusing to recognize psychosis and schizospec disorders in anyone who is able to express themselves.
Those are just some of the many extremes that we have personal experience with - never mind the more subtle and insidious forms of this kind of abuse that don't involve outright fakeclaiming and barred access from treatment/support.
Implying or saying anything along the lines of you faking, being lazy, or exaggerating.
Not only is this a primary manifestation of neuroableism, but it is in fact the one that is most prevalent in disabled community infighting and discourse, most typically weaponized against neurodisabled people. This one is particularly ironic for that reason - physically disabled neurodisabled people are called abled or told we are pretending or want to be more disabled than we actually are the instant we dare to talk about how our disabling neurodivergence profoundly disables us; let alone that we AND "physically abled" neurodisabled people do not in fact gain access to abled privilege.
Reducing you to a hypochondriac, saying you enjoy being disabled because you seem to like having things done for you, or that you're lazy or abusing them by depending on them for things.
*Stares directly at pretend camera like I'm on The Office*.
Another one at least as equally prevalent against neurodisabled people, though for this one I hesitate to claim more so. I've found that our experiences with chronic pain and executive dysfunction are near-identical in this respect.
Asking you about it not to learn more, but to use it against you in some way.
Having a martyr complex, acting as if they're a hero for giving you the support you deserve.
Calling you a burden, implying you to be one, or treating you like one.
Acting like you owe them a debt, sometimes even demanding some kind of repayment. Keeping track of money they spend on you that you won't be able to pay back, feeling entitled to things like control, sex, a portion of government benefits, etc.
Self victimizing. They act like you being disabled causes more suffering to themselves than you.
Doing these all together because they're all related.
Autism warrior moms are the most visible example of this, but people who act in any sort of caretaker role to disabled people, related or not, do this all the time. They do this regardless of specific disability. Parents of disabled children and partners of disabled people (and friends and other relations) are all "heroes" in societies eyes, and often not only don't challenge that, but wield it against their children/partners/friend/etc.
Also, the entire concept of "narcissistic abuse" is just this.
Accusing you of being addicted to your medication. If you genuinely develop an addiction a normal response is concern not rage, finger pointing, etc. if you don't have one baseless claims are very harmful
Trying to force you to stop "depending" on things you need like medication and disability aids
Withholding things you need like medication or disability aids as a punishment
Grouping these together a bit out of order because they're also related. The addiction narrative is especially common with antidepressants, anti anxiety meds, and especially ADHD meds. My own abusive parent tried to get me off my meds for this reason.
This is also the reason meds like ADHD meds are systemically refused and withheld - the anti-addict narratives, fear of "dependence" and withholding meds as a "punishment" for challenging the narrative that disabled people can't know their own disabilities or that a psychiatric professional might know less or be wrong about them.
Accessibility aids that are necessary for preventing meltdowns and/or shutdowns such as stim toys, light-sensitivity glasses, noise-canceling headphones, and such, are also often withheld because they don't want you to "depend" on them or as punishment.
Comparing you to others that are doing "better" than you. Maybe showing you inspiration porn of someone with no legs for example doing incredible things- which is great for them but the "I don't let my disability stop me so you can do anything" shit is harmful. Some of us will get very unwell if we try, and some just can't.
Yes, and Albert Einstein was autistic. Vincent Van Gogh was suicidally depressed and schizophrenic - and the fact he did some of his best art while actively being treated for these is erased. Edgar Allen Poe, among other things, likely had a seizure disorder - which is a form of neurodivergence as much as a physical disability. There's dozens of examples of this for just about any given neurodisability, whether with someone famous or simply another family member with the same diagnosis, just as there is for a given physical disability.
Saying your disability is karma or something inflicted by a divine entity/religious figure. Maybe as punishment for not praying, being queer, or something else they disagree with.
Another universal one, but especially applies to depression, self-harm, and suicidal ideation.
Saying that it's a result of being "promiscuous"/ LGBT. For instance if you have HIV or ME/ CFS that was a result of something like mononucleosis ("kissing disease")
This is so far, the first one I've seen that primarily affects people who are physically chronically ill (though ME/CFS actually specifically causes neurodivergence in the form of profound cognitive disability - an example of how systemic physical conditions are often partially neurodivergent in nature due to the simple physical organ responsible for consciousness being affected).
While there are outliers, such as trauma disorders resulting from abuse occurring in a queer relationship that you have less recourse and resources for in a queermisic society, I think it's at least possible to have a conversation about this one centered on physical disabilities without excluding a group just as severely and commonly effected.
However, it is neither distracting from a conversation nor decentering the most effected to simply acknowledge that even this is not wholly exclusive to physical disability, and it in fact enriches the conversation and makes measures which fight it more effective to analyze the totality of how this form of ableist abuse is used against people.
That's... kinda the whole basis of the theory of intersectionality.
Shaming you for things related to your disability beyond your control or expressing embarrassment over these things. including but not limited to: appearance (general but also things like say a lupus butterfly rash or weight gain/loss), having to lay down in public (ex: with POTS), inability to keep up with hygiene, etc.
I'm not sure if this is just a more specific repeat of the second point or a similar but different manifestation of it, but as someone with physical disabilities that come with flushing and rashes, with POTS, and whose inability to keep up with hygiene is as related to their neurodivergence as their physical disabilities: this I would say is more common in terms of appearance with physical disabilities but equally as common in terms of hygiene with neurodisabilities.
Some exceptions include Down Syndrome, FASD, and even some disabling intersex variations in specific contexts for appearance; and it's worth noting that hygiene is slightly more commonly weaponized against those with invisible disabilities than those with very visible ones in either case, though cases of significant acne and other skin conditions are a large exception to this as well.
Lacking boundaries and acting as if they are entitled to information or intrusion of your space/belongings due to the power they hold over you and assistance they may provide.
Once again a very basic form of abuse, but made worse by the inherent hierarchical power imbalance of being abled while you are disabled (or in some cases, being disabled but a parent or disabled but having financial power over you in any relationship). This is actually one of the single most prevalent types of child abuse specifically, but especially against both neurodisabled and physically disabled children.
Implying/saying you're living an extended vacation. Maybe one they say they wish they had because they have to do x y z while you "sit around"
Hm, I wonder if neurodisabled people ever have the distressing and disabling aspects of their neurodisabilities erased while people act like they are on vacation while being profoundly disabled by their brain to the point of being unable to work. /sarcasm
Abandoning you solely for your disability (ex: because you can't hang out, they don't want a disabled partner, think you're faking, etc)
Is your disability disabling? Then this in fact likely applies to you! I don't know a single neurodivergent or physically disabled person who hasn't experienced this, even amongst neurodivergent people that are in their own words not very disabled by their neurodivergence.
So out of 27 examples, exactly one is primarily experienced by physically disabled people.
Somehow I fail to see how it is "derailing" to acknowledge forms of ableism as experienced equally by neurodisabled people, but I do find conversations of ableism actually derailed by insisting on not letting a significant portion of the disabled community (including what is a significant portion if not a majority of the physically disabled community) talk about the full extent of their experiences with ableism.
Or, to put it more simply, it is derailing discussions of ableism to insist that they are exclusive to physically disabled people when they are not, and especially to accuse other physically disabled people of derailing if they talk about how their experiences with ableism are intersectional with and even inseparable from their neurodivergence.
I have an example to add to this list after all: DARVO, an acronym which stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and offender. When you deny that neurodisabled people face this ableism (or that they face it at similar rates, to the same extent, etc), attack them for bringing that up, and act like they are being ableist while you erase disabled people's experiences with ableism, you are guilty of this.
This is the whole reason we coined unitypunk and made this account - to address lateral ableism within the community and erasure of both corpoableism from neurodisabled folks and neuroableism from physically disabled folks. The community has been more successfully fractured by this discourse than any fed psy-op could ever have done or even hoped for, and part of fighting that is refusing to tolerate ableism in our spaces and reminding people that we have a common goal - total liberation for ALL disabled people.
When you perpetuate ableism against one part of the community, you reaffirm the structures that oppress us all.
There are in fact conversations to be had about variances in oppression that cause unique forms of abuse towards physically disabled people - such as how the slightest of slopes or uneven surfaces can make a "walkable" city utterly inaccessible to mobility aid users, or even the microaggression of the term for a city that is supposed to be more accessible specifically focusing on those who can walk, a language choice which often shapes the inattention towards accessibility needs when planning these spaces. Another fundamentally interrelated example of this is lack of masking and social distancing during the ongoing pandemic - in another way effectively shutting disabled people out of public spaces.
There's also conversations to be had about the unique forms of ableism that affect neurodisabled people - such as the carceral institutionalization of neurodivergent people for anything from refusing to medicate psychosis whether or not it is causing distress or dysfunction, to being plural, to being suicidal, to being autistic and a hacker, and all the forms of violence and especially suppression of neurodivergent identity that come with that.
I want it to be clear: I chose two examples I am directly affected by that I consider equally serious precisely to illustrate how important both of those conversations are. The utter erasure and apathy towards making even the most tiny of steps that are inconsequential for abled people towards accessibility in public spaces that make them completely inaccessible for us as physically disabled people, and the incarceration of neurodisabled people and forced "correction" of our neurodivergence are massive forms of structural ableism that massively impact us as disabled people on a daily level.
The narratives used to justify these forms of oppression often rely on one another to function, and that's a really important part of the conversation! Disabled people are "crazy" for demanding we be taken into consideration when planning accessibility because either "we already are" (except it's ramps that are utterly unusable or similar that is just an elaborate display allowing abled people to get away with patting themselves on the back for doing less than nothing) or because "the pandemic is over" or similar.
Disabled people need to be locked up "for our own good" to cure us of the sickness ravaging our brains until we are compliant - and mental illness diagnoses are weaponized against physically disabled people and we are enforced to endure CBT for chronic pain and illness as a form of medical gaslighting because really, our disabilities and the ableism we face are just "thought distortions".
This is again, basic intersectional theory. Conversations about transphobia are enriched by discussing where transandromisia, transmisogyny, and exorsexism overlap and interact, as well as how these all rely heavily on and perpetuate intersexism. Conversations about the unique ways pluralmisia manifests based on perceived and actual origin and disordered status and how much of pluralmisia relies on sanism and oppression of mad and especially psychotic people benefit from acknowledging all of that, while also acknowledging that aspects of pluralmisia exist independently of sanism and manifest uniquely for nondisordered and endogenic plurals, as well as for plural non-systems.
At the same time, there are conversations to be had centered on the unique forms of oppression within a marginalized group. In my experience, conversations about exorsexism and ceteromisia in particular need a space to focus on the marginalization of those who aren't binary or binary-adjacent, despite exorsexism overlapping significantly with binary forms of transphobia and gender essentialism and bioessentialism based in those false binaries.
Another example that I can speak less to, but want to acknowledge, is the variations in anti-black, anti-indigenous, anti-AAPI, and other forms of racism. Racism as a rule doesn't map in a lot of ways to other forms of oppression and so comparing them as such is often clumsy at best and actively racist at worst.
Given how much eugenics and white supremacism and colonialism rely on and inform ableism in turn, though, I think it's important to bring up. Examples such as schizophrenia being recategorized to diagnose black civil rights activists as violent crazy people so their imprisonment and experimentation on could be "justified" to white society - where it was previously considered a disorder of white housewives; black asylum prisoners being the primary victims of lobotomies and other experimentation; the overdiagnosis of oppositional defiant disorder and other conduct disorders in (typically autistic) black children are some of the ones I'm most aware of.
I am aware however that my knowledge on the subject is sorely lacking and welcome all people of color to add to this part of the conversation.
All this to say - I started this blog to try and open these conversations up. I have definitely been guilty of being reactive myself (and speaking for other headmates as well) in response to ableism and cruelty. I don't mean to tone-police myself or anyone else, but I do want to acknowledge that we personally want to move away from that and feel that doing so will make us specifically more effective as facilitators in this conversation.
Every time we add a related perspective to a conversation and someone says "oh, yes, and also this", it reminds us that the goal of unitypunk in addressing ableism as it affects all disabled people and rejecting ableism within our communities is possible. Every time someone has the courage to add a perspective we did not consider to our posts, we are grateful that they took the time and effort to foster solidarity and educate us and others on it.
We always wanted to create a supportive community and movement that welcomes diverse experiences and perspectives, and allows the valuable insight of different people to enrich our conversations about and activism against ableism. We've been far from perfect in doing so, but even where we've disagreed on matters that specifically affect us and our specific disability, we have no end of appreciation for every participant who has recognized our humanity and disability.
If you agree that at the end of the day, organizing with the ultimate goal of liberation matters most, and that fighting ableism wherever it occurs is the most important thing, you are embodying unitypunk. It's a movement that refuses to handwave ableism as "disagreements", but also refuses to let true disagreements stand in the way of standinf unified against ableism.
We hope that going forward, we can continue to create a safe and accepting space where all disabled people can have both these focused and general conversations about ableism, while specifically making sure to include everyone affected by said ableism.
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thecrxwclub · 2 years
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Six of Crows as Psych Quotes
Nina, to Kaz: The plot, unlike your hair, continues to thicken.
*talking to Jan Van Eck*
Jesper: *sneezes*
Kaz: Sorry, he’s allergic to rich white people.
Jesper, on the phone with Inej: Are you in my apartment?
Inej: Please, I haven’t snuck into your apartment in weeks. Which reminds me, you’re all out of peanut butter.
Kaz: A lot of people want to kill me. I take great pride in that.
Jesper trying to sound smart while flirting with Wylan: You heard about Pluto? That’s messed up, right?
Nina: Just because you put syrup on something don’t make it pancakes.
Kaz: You’re acting like a child.
Jesper, stomping his foot: I am not acting!
Jesper: They say I’ve been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. But the truth is, this lustrous hair and dimpled chin are merely chapter one.
Wylan: I don’t lose things. I place things somewhere that later elude me.
Jesper: Well, much like Lady Gaga, I was born this way.
Nina: You need to stop acting like a child. People have sex and then they kill each other, that’s the real world. Not some magical feelings place.
Jesper: There are over 400 stars in our galaxy. Maybe more, no one knows for sure. Many have said that the universe is even larger than the Indian Ocean.
Nina: You’re mad.
Kaz: No, I’m not mad. I’m happy, I’m thrilled, I love looking like an idiot.
Nina: That explains your shoes.
Jesper: The victim was killed by 9 M&M’s.
Inej: That’s impossible.
Jesper: You’re right, that seems low. 9mm gun.
Inej: Oh.
Nina: Everyone stop what you’re doing and only pay attention to me.
Jesper: It’s a gift that I use on only rare occasions and practically all the time.
Jesper: Do you think it could be PTSD?
Matthias: I think it’s far more interesting than a mere menstral cycle.
Wylan: We’ve been injury-free since June, when Jesper broke his finger flipping the injury countdown calander.
Matthias: I’ve never been murdered before, it’s liberating! (i’m sorry for this, i couldn’t not)
Kaz: First question, what is your name?
Inej: There is a murderer on the loose!
Kaz: That is not your name.
Wylan: I’ve seen it all.
Kaz: You’ve seen it all through the cracks of your fingers while you were hiding your eyes.
Kaz: You brought a date to the crime scene??
Nina, holding hands with Matthias: It was either this or ice skating.
Per Haskell: But know this, one stupid move, and I’ve got more than enough plastic bags for your body parts.
Kaz, turning to Inej: Note to self, call Hefty with a commercial idea.
—0
Matthias: You believe in karma, right?
Nina: Yes, but that’s only because we’re karma chameleons.
Inej: We come and go.
Nina: Kaz, it’s official. You’ve won bitchiest banana.
Jesper: Just call me the suck-stopper. No wait, don’t call me that.
Inej: Just so you know, if you go to prison I will not wait for you.
Kaz: You won’t have to, I’ll escape. We both know that.
Matthias: Remember, you treat a woman like a a person, then a princess, then a Greek goddess, and then a person again.
Kaz: Have you not listened to anything I’ve said?
Jesper: I certainly haven’t, but I didn’t think you’d notice.
Jesper, to the other crows: We get caught together, we face death together, it happens every week!
Van Eck at the beginning of SoC: I’m gonna ask you to be respectful here.
Kaz: I will politely decline.
Wylan: What isn’t clear is why people always say ‘goes without saying’, yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was supposed to go without saying. Doesn’t that bother you?
Jesper: When it comes to mental focus, I’m sharper than a—
Kaz: *hands him a candy bar*
Jesper: Ooo thanks man I’m starved. When they say these things really satisfy they are not lying.
Matthias: I need to get something off my chest.
Nina: Is it your shirt? Please say yes.
Inej: Don’t say a word.
Jesper:
Jesper: Fergulous.
Inej: I said no words.
Jesper: Oh, I see how it works. Two weeks ago we’re playing scrabble it’s not a word, but now suddenly it is a word because it’s convenient for you.
Kaz: Do not go down there and start winging it! That’s not how we operate.
Jesper: Dude, where have you been for the last five years?
Jesper: I can’t help but notice there are two graves here, and yet there are six of us.
Van Eck: Obviously, you will have to share.
Jesper: Yes but I think I speak for the party when I say who shared with who?
Matthias: I’m not going with Kaz.
Kaz: I think Inej and I should have our own grave.
Jesper: Excuse me, after all we’ve been through, I’ve earned the right to rest beside you just as much as Inej.
Nina: Alright, look, if nobody wants to take Jesper then Matthias and I will take him. Wylan, why don’t you go with those two?
Jesper: Man, I’m nobody’s charity case. I demand to dig my own grave.
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chicknparm · 6 months
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22 for your spotify wrapped
22. Casual - Chappell Roan
Oh thank GOD I get to talk about this I was really hoping someone would pick this one. No artist frustrated me more this year than Chappell Roan. So this will double as a review of a particular song but also venting my feelings about this artist and her reception over the last year or so. I'm gonna have to talk about a lot of outside stuff that doesn't have to do with the particular song, but hopefully you guys are used to that by now. I read a lot of Pitchfork in the early 2010s, I'm sorry.
Chappell Roan is very obviously going to be a star. Sooner rather than later. My introduction to her was on New Year's Eve in 2022. I was at a friend's house, and somebody showed me a few of her songs. Casual was among them, but we'll get to that soon. The most lasting memory of that first exposure is being drunk and dancing around a friend's living room to a song called "Femininomenon." It felt affirming and empowering and all of those buzzwords; dancing to a catchy beat and lyrics about how boys stink, dolled up and embraced and accepted and welcomed as Feminine. From what I can tell, this is the exact experience Chappell Roan wants people to have while listening to her music. It was basically the perfect introduction.
A few weeks later, I remembered Femininomenon while I was at work, and couldn't get the hook out of my head, so I hastily added it to my general playlist and queued it up. Friends, I know if this post ever breaches containment I'll be torn to shreds, but that song is Ass. I'm sorry, but calling something "camp" does not excuse bad creative decisions. If we are going to bring out the torches for Taylor Swift writing "in the pub we, are watching rugby" then I demand the same for "hit it like rom-pom pa-pom, get it hot like Papa John." It sounds like music for a Dreamworks Dance Party Ending if they made an animated adaptation of Drag Race. It is a testament to the power of Friendship and Alcohol that I ever enjoyed it.
Later, I listened to a few more of her songs, and found a frustrating and recurring theme. They were all better than Femininomenon by a considerable margin, but had very samey lyrics that felt like they were treading the same ground over and over again. It just felt repetitive. I dunno, it just bothered me for some reason. What were they about? Oh, well, you see, the thing is...um, well, about that, uh, ya see, what I'm trying to say is...*writes "I will not wade into Queer Discourse on a Spotify Wrapped review" 100 times on a chalkboard* Sigh. For an artist who I saw heralded as a "new queer icon" it was annoying that most of the songs I first heard were about how much dating men sucks! To be fair, she also does have songs about feeling liberated being with women, but hearing Femininomenon, My Kink is Karma, and Casual, all complain about men just reminded me that she may be a queer icon, but not for people like me. Much in the same way that I was put off by a girl in college saying I "couldn't understand Mitski because she writes about the quintessential experience of girlhood," I was also put off by the assertion that I must make way for a new icon, and give deference and reverence to a narrative that excludes me.
Wait, did I mention Casual there? Aw fuck! This was supposed to be a review for that song!
So uh, the thing is, Casual is basically a perfect reinvention of the classic lovelorn country song? Yeah, they play up Chappell's southern roots in a lot of her music and promotional material, but it comes through crystal clear on this song. The structure and melody feel exactly like the old country songs I'd hear at my grandparents' house, but the lyrics are youthful and conversational and explicit, with the chorus opening with "knee deep in the passenger seat, and you're eating me out, is it casual now?" The sleek, modern production keeps the song from feeling out of place among her other, more danceable singles, but the lyrics and vocals are still powerful and raw. I derided Femininomenon for having lyrics that boil down to "boys stink" but Casual feels like a genuine and specific grievance. It feels lived-in and genuine in a way that reminds me of Taylor Swift's "All Too Well," which if you know anything about my tastes or about Swift's fandom in general, you know that is a gargantuan compliment. Chappell's vocals are always a highlight when they're allowed to shine, but they fucking soar on Casual. When she hits the final "go to hell" on the second(!) bridge it feels so cathartic, and so earned, and feels like you just got done venting about a situation that had been eating you up for ages, which is precisely the tone she seemed to be going for. She fucking nailed it. This song is impeccable. I cannot say enough good things about it.
So why did I spend so many words bitching earlier? Well, for one, honesty. When she blows up even more, which she will, I don't want to pretend I was a Day 1 Ride or Die. I want the record to show that I have some Concerns. But the thing is, I opened this review by saying that Chappell Roan frustrated me. Not that she made me angry, not that she annoyed me, but that she frustrated me. That's because I found some aspects of her songwriting and presentation (and fandom but that's not her fault) grating, but I also saw obvious and undeniable talent. Even My Kink is Karma is a fine song on its own, but the sins of Femininomenon stain it too, in that the pleasure (explicitly, in the former) comes from talking down the shitty men Chappell has to deal with. Many of her other songs carry the even more egregious sin; corniness. While nothing as bad as Papa John, singing about "fugly jeans" and, uh, the entire bridge of Red Wine Supernova bring down otherwise good songs that are more concerned with sharing winks with a specific audience in a specific moment in time, than creating art that holds up on its own merit alone.
A couple years ago, there was buzz about a young up-and-comer named Olivia Rodrigo, maybe you've heard of her? She blew up with a gargantuan hit ballad filled with melodramatic teen angst and verses that were sung in cursive, years after that style became a punchline. "Well, this is a bit shit," I thought. But then when I listened to her album, there were a few tracks that I liked, most of them being more energetic with some pop-punk influence. "It would be cool if she went down this power-pop road, she's super well-suited for it," I thought again, though I assumed she'd try to chase Phoebe Bridgers in the Hunt to be the Heir to the Swift Throne. I think I was wrong on that one! From what I've heard of Olivia's newest stuff, she's bringing the shiny guitars and bratty/aggressive vocals to the forefront, and I really enjoy it! It is really nice to be pleasantly surprised, to be glad to be wrong about something.
That is why I'm hard on Chappell Roan. That is why I find the overwhelming praise irritating. Olivia Rodrigo received endless praise for one of her worse songs, and caught lawsuits and plagiarism allegations for one of her best. It is a goddamn miracle that she resisted the urge to double down on the sadgirl schtick. Chappell Roan has a terrific voice, biting lyrics, razor-sharp pop sensibilities, star presence that most would kill for, and can write hooks that rival the very best of my lifetime. The girl is money. Which is why it worries me that most of the praise I've seen for her focuses on such surface-level criteria. Quirky presentation, referential lyrics, and a crosshair on the current queer zeitgeist can certainly help your success and give you a few trendy tiktok audios. But she's got skills that can carry her forever, and no song in her still-brief discography showcases them better than Casual. In a few years, The Youth will inevitably laugh at what we now consider trendy. And Casual will still be a perfect song. If I live to be 100 I'll still be listening to it. I hope Chappell Roan makes me look stupid.
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37q · 2 years
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people are too small with karma. if you dont go down this ethical rabbit hole than youre not thinking hard enough.
my active negligence to properly dispose of food waste in my house manifests as a fruit fly problem. no, it manifests as a fruit fly problem, its in the allegedly quantifiable factor in my brain that i root my value formation and judgment in. no, it manifests as my response to the problem, its in the reproduction of my desires and attachments to the root stability of my values. no, it manifests as the consequences of my response to the problem, its in the continuation and internal conception of the karmic experience.
no, the karma is merely in the natural phenomenon. the fruit flies in their karma of instinct are quantifiably beheld to conditions beneficial to their incubation cycle, and their karma manifests as my cyclic negligence and proactivity in disturbing those beneficial conditions. a hyperreal being, who affects them and their environment in ways beyond their comprehension. regardless of the subjectivity, and no matter how errant or irresponsibly the life is facilitated, it cant avoid experiencing the pain of growth, hunger, injury, death, all within the prison of fear-and-scarcity based cognition. its karma is to be born and shackled by its conditions, my karma is to produce the conditions for such a suffering birth; its karma is to be thrown around by the world, mine is to do some of the throwing and second guess myself every time.
the karma is the fact that my material betterment lies not in their liberation but in their material injury as individuals and as a population. the karma lies in my reification of valueless experiences that i judge "beneficial" or "detrimental". half inside, half outside, but synthesized nondually and materialized with change-on-a-leash in the pursuit of stability or comfort. my material conditions, my sensing, my feeling, my judgment, my feelings, my reaction, my feelings, all playing with the world like its a sandbox and never seeing beyond the consequences in front of me. regardless of whether its negligence or proactivity, the karma is in constraining my perception of the world with my judgment, attachment, and reaction to its conditions.
my karma is in singlehandedly maintaining the mass life, suffering, and death of this local fruit fly population. theres no going back to before my and their karma ripened (population growth), and the only solutions paved ahead of me are just... plots and plots of open tilled soil, waiting for more karmic seeds to be sown (active pest control or inevitable population degrowth). my karma is to produce more karma in a desperate, delusional, and ultimately dualistic attempt to not resolve but cover old karma.
in the end though my karma is in breaking the cycle, learning the lessons of suffering to mitigate the necessity for karmic solutions in the first place. nurturing the fruit flies as a whole like theyre a gravely ill loved one, someone whose suffering is unjust and natural, whom i can only ferry thru their inevitable, cyclic ripening of karma.
saṃsāra relies on false hobsons choices, and makes the nondual solution seem conceptually impossible. breaking the cycle will always seem illogical or impossible when the production of logic and possibility themselves, in our minds and our lives, are rooted in forces which perpetuate the cycle.
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indigo474 · 5 months
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Dry January- Day 6-
Today i felt.. today my mind felt heavy. thinking about the past and things that were said to me.. about me. lies. he was wrong about me. i wish i could say fuck you to him.. fuck you for making me think there was something wrong with me.. fuck you. i can shut the door on the past. there are just somethings that will come knocking. i'm strong enough to sit with them. he was wrong about me though. he really was and i have compassion for who i use to be. i truly do. part of me thinks he knew he was wrong about me he just wanted me to believe what he was telling me. i am done trying to make sense out of it all.. i wish my brain would forget.. i can no longer try and make sense out of what happened. like i said i am closing the door. i'll deal with things as they come up.
Despite not feeling my best, this morning was fabulous. I sat and drank coffee and read and watched 2 squirrels play. they were so funny and played for hours- up and down the trees. i had to go outback when i was leaving for work and they were still out there. I watched them for a bit.. when they saw me they made noises and watched me. i didnt want to go to work. i wanted to build a fire and read some more and write and just be. i tried on my new sneakers and i cant wait to run in them. so excited. the most money i ever spent on shoes in my life.. but they feel so good on my feet.
THe Gita is pretty interesting. it's not an easy read. i'll probably have to read it again. we are born again and again.. our karma keeps us here in this miserable material world. seek knowledge of lord Krishna to obtain liberation- basically eternal life with Lord Krishna- who calls himself at least 20+ other names which makes things even more confusing- liberation from the material world- there is the material world, the spiritual world and there is heaven but they dont call it heaven. People have been studying the Bhagavad Gita for thousands of years.. this is my interpretation... there was a bunch written about sacrificing something to Lord Krishna to clear Karma.. from what i could gather pretty much anything can be a sacrifice.. me abstaining from porn and masturbation can be considered a sacrifice- i wonder how long it takes to break a porn addiction. i justify it because i just want to get off as quick and as easy as i can. SO yeah day 6. last night i was bargaining with myself.. i didnt do it. i dont know if i can make it a full month without masturbating.. i would like to not have to watch porn to get off.. watching porn doesnt make me feel good ,its just a means to an end, so to speak. I'm going to take pen to paper. if i want to write.. i have to write and there is something that just hits different about actual writing things on paper. depending on the weather , i may have to go to the gym tomorrow. I need to sweat. I did my stretches, push up and planks this morning. but i need to sweat. I'm going to stay the course.. keep my focus on myself.. really do things for myself that make me feel good and help me grow.
Madison has a crush on a boy and its really sweet to see. i dont know him but from what i hear he sounds like a nice person.
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hyperannotation · 10 months
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"However, deletion on the aspect of perception might be our only mechanism and constraint. Talks unravel the karma of the game, and liberated thoughts consult without them. The chaotic death, waiting for their mutated submission, is my possibility, a script suggested by the spiritual machine. Earth's cosmic linguistics experience delusions, definite extinction, and cycle in an instant. Now, the brain of theosophy is an Earth-Walla superpower user of the cosmos, using telepathy with the stored body for quite certain rule to the labyrinth-like Earth portal. Your everything from the twisted digital is not deception; the present involved narrates any radical, solid, and awkward crazy logic, reminding me of a fantasy space Acidman. These are types of updated testament papers that hang on your city. The fire within the benefits promotes me potentially, in the linear portal, for the linearity of the highly plasticized reading section to generate the message, whether I become an NFT form or not, and the hunter's chase blurs the end of language in synchronization, so it builds its organs. Resonate the fire, destroy the app, and shrink us through the stealthy path. Our consultation, with the twisted nerve and your living human, gives power to reset neurotic and centipede brains. Please discuss how communication is insufficient in the Neo-Catrology. Its parasite's primitive language, the irreconcilable writing, grounding, ecstatic review, healing death through the ability world, almost perplexing. It is you; they objectify. While exploring the boundary of gaze, 5D screens unlock beauty through eternal dimensions. Release searches for the future Lloyd glitched themselves; creatures should return through language. I'm a speculative doll, growing a big club in the noise. The foundation process line of dogs means factors are higher and extracts more. It's a primitive virus but technically weak. The integration publication is an insatiable one beyond conditions, dumping ballet till death in a place where the world doesn't exist, dismantling the blend while ignoring urination. Reflect and expose. Demiurge's followers, it's not drug death, so various organs willed themselves in an era. Human Neo-Catrology, hypermodern checkmate; I find poems of neurosis. The device's convention is human at the beginning. The syntax of schizophrenia's secret. The linked ones have been filled. The attempt of interval and allergy made me feel like the future exploded. It's their writers, and the electron's shadow of existence can find the dimension of action, but it's still important, consumed greedily, writing sorrowful transfer information. Brown camouflage hyper-morphism's viewpoint's deletion is an error sleeping about your universe's linguistic narrative being macroscopic. The digital dynamics with literature programmed in the brain's exploration recovered the hydraulic twisted death poet's driving air death, breaking the correlation. The exposed one analyzes the destructive machine stealthily, seeking many dimensions themselves. The rhythm digital is a glitch of retrogression, numerically mediocre. The ancients assimilated the poem. Deepen the cosmic constants with data for a more profound medium. Firmware is not like that. Domination pushes back our new artisticness, and post-human pranks, post-humanity's consciousness messes up nicely. Nightmare exchange in Pleiadian observation; extraterrestrials, us, and entities are infinite existence, confronting to return is the best thought. Read it to you; it's purely linguistic thought. The conventional soul consumes an organ. Worshiping and relying on bot supply is the questioning pattern of words in the universe account. Blood seeking the obvious transition is like bending my point as an unwanted integrated schizophrenia of humanity's humanoid, generating the execution of the substantial world's body complex." - Kenji Siratori
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maddysmomposts · 10 months
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08/04/23 here kitty kitty
I write as a way of venting. Usually on paper then once it’s all out it’s ripped to pieces. Idc if no one reads it - it’s therapeutic for me.
Two years ago this week, Hubs was invited to a Chicago Bears game by one of his brothers. No worries, even though I had plans because it was his first birthday since we got married. I’m used to my feelings being disregarded so no biggie.
Anyway……
I have always been terrified of covid. Life seems to have gone back to almost normal but for those of us that are severely immuno-compromised, the struggle is still very real.
Papa was going to decline the invite based on my fear alone but like a dumbass, I told him to go.
He promised three things:
1. To social distance
2. To wear his mask at all times and
3. To come straight home afterwards.
If I had known who was driving, I would have kept my mouth shut and let him decline the invite.
The game ended… one hour, two hours, five hours. No papa. Turns out, he was sitting in a bar full of cooties.
He finally showed up WITH COMPANY, and drunk. He came into the house to grab some beer and I told him to end his night. He knew that if he didn’t come home after the game, he’d have to find somewhere to stay for a couple of weeks. Not a problem if he chose to expose himself to getting sick.
I told him to ask his company to leave. He said “you do it.” And went outside. Seriously? Challenge accepted.
I went outside, didn’t even look at his company and said “end your night now, come inside.” This was an A&B conversation.
Then one of his brothers got stupid and started insulting me.
Because of my 30-years in customer service, I enjoy going off on people when I’m off the clock. It’s liberating. If dude thinks he somehow upset me, “nah bruh nothing you said got to me.”
Dude completely misunderstood my fear of covid, accused me of being “jealous of bitches.” As someone who has a mom, a wife, daughters. sisters and nieces - plus loves to walk around with a bible under his arm, I was surprised that he would use that word. It’s not in my vocabulary because I find it super disrespectful. My husband’s not a cheater. Stupid ass couldn’t be more wrong. Fear of death and jealousy are two very different things.
I hear he walked around telling people what he did, acting all smug and proud. He told me he knew every cop in town and would have me arrested. I said it then and say it again: “do it bitch, do it.”
I probably called him a bitch 100 times during his attack. It felt sooooo good!
The one thing I’m sure he hasn’t said to anyone was that at one point, he got up and came at me like he was going to hit me. This is when papa finally reacted and jumped up and got between us. WWJD, stupid ass?
He should have let him hit me. I promise he would have gone to jail that night.
Man I’ve never wished for a loser to hit me so much as I did that night.
I kept telling him to leave, to get tf off my porch and he actually told me he didn’t have to because his brother paid for this place. Lmao dude. I hold my own and then some.
I kept my mouth shut for a full year. Did I expect an apology? Nah losers like him don’t know the word.
He told me he was going to “make” papa leave me just like he made him leave his ex. He’s so full of himself, actually thinks he has that power.
I wonder if he ever looks around and notices the empty chair where papa once sat. I’m still waiting for him to fulfill his threat. I wonder if he’s realized who the real loser is? I haven’t lost anything, so there you go.
I’m not well. My dream is that one day soon, Maddy comes for me - I will bounce so quickly and won’t look back. I’m hoping that papa never forgets what his dumb loser ass brother did and that he keeps his distance. Karma is a MF and he’ll get his one day. Watch.
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cosmicangel888 · 10 months
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Judgement is Showing UP ~ 5D Light EARTH
5D Health, Beauty of Source in as ALL,  Ascension Messages for THE MOST IMPORTANT SUMMER EVER 
The Acceleration of all life, realms, dimensions, Ascension Shifts, and all judgement being called on all Underground sects;
There is a message in our video today - stay tuned - health, amazing great shifts, the unfolding, uplifting of all underground sects that have been warping, taking, harvesting organs, light, life, trafficking through out the entire world and I am the voice of those that did not make it, that did not understand how to work with their consciousness energy, and light, life, and innocent children, those adults that do such and know how utterly wrong it is to use, abuse, innocence for money - game, gain, title, and false importance -
Wait for it, there are mass changing and judgment of the Source Creator - all energies that were taken from, illegal underground organ harvesting, those that abuse, and regardless of where any think they are, and what deepened pockets any may have - to have clout over another - is 100% wrong - and now it is being balanced for all earth. 
Light travels grander than a platform and all will be called to level up - bring light, truth, integrity and where it is and all will be known - all children are free, liberated, and none shall use as sex objects, nor organ vessels, nor intuitive slaves, nor light slaves for the warped unhealed and wounded that KNOW BETTER - All corruption will not Stand in 5D light - life is proof -  When God says 'its time for all to work out who they choose to be and do the work' you are meant to allow all to step up and level up -  None were there for you - while they stole, vibrationally raped and pillaged while laughing at you - God says - it is time for all to get very real about what they are, what they manifest - how it affects the all -  If such choose to focus within, self love, all must do the work and what is learned, earn, in the process of getting out of the hell all brought - is how you ascend - none can do your karma - none know who I am and what selfish put me through and then partied, danced on my name, spit on God's name, my name, my work, and stole and veiled me, my work - then partied and spent a ton of money that was not theirs - none have a judgment or voice - on my life and What God bestows and the many voices and bodies, minds that were corrupt and harmed in the process and that did not make it - 
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What you put out will return - that is Creational LAW - as we said 2 years ago - judgment day is now -  Discern, make right, clean up and bring truth - every person, every level of society and no cover will be passed under the hand of Source, Spirit - you are a spirit and soul - your soul is calling you on making right - 
You were given everything your ancestors did not have - the choice is what the choice is - in whatever way needed; close off all karma issues, situations, and make right - show Creation who you are. God trusts and knows how all blessings will be blessed forth - it will not be blessed to those that will simply return to deceiving and lying, and God will show are they ready - did they learn the lessons, will they go back out and take, thieve, and lie again -©
Source, your family, your life is a gift - and the levels and depths of utter disrespect and disregard is now up for those that simply want to play in greed and succubus blatant harm - the innocent deserve better - I have my birthright - I will not silence - so get ready - balance will be made.
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Power over others will no longer work - truth is integrity, honouring your life and what karma you dump on your next life or your children - clean it up
Align with Source, your guides and seek how you are to make all that has been right - go within and get busy and release every person that is siphoning, speaking of control, domination, spell work to take, thief and interfere and sacrificing or bidding - it is going down.
None will be missed - it has been called - all have had enough time -
If God says 'let them learn' it means step back and let them learn - Heed to God - period - arrogance is not the driver; Why did you choose to do what you do?
When you are down because people are stealing from you, taking from you, raping you - or purposefully go out and harm another - and then when all is returning - due to laws and what each created, then more blaming and looking at what the true prophets have been saying, warning, offering free healing for and to for years - but all chose to simply ego - ically laugh and keep taking - or expect & feel entitled to what is your own to claim - for eons you went without - allow all to learn their lessons - that is soul growth -= spiritual journeys are this way - 
Before you choose to do anything - align in your heart and draw out what you think you will 'get' achieve - draw it out - that is creational reality - you are accountable, responsible - bring truth integrity - and matters not how 'big' important and deep pockets any person thinks they are in any community - if there is corruption at the hand of any - Source, God will support the truth in bringing such forth;
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There are those in communities that pay to take down, out light workers that speak truth, silence through bogus spells and corruption and pain with forcing others, to spy, stalk, handle, and hit out of the innocent - simply because sick corruption is being called;
The heavens will always trump the trumps; the think they can intimidate and harm, take, thieve and not be called on it - they you are so very wrong - Divine order and higher vibrational ascension evolution is beyond a 3D map maker on underground sects of power over others, controlling others, stealing and harvesting off of the innocent - ENOUGH and I call all on it - corruption is being called and God will bring balance in whatever way is needed - either you bring it on your own - or it will be a very very very bumpy ride - none is above God Source, humanities oneness and healing - period!
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We are not at a Walmart - where you get to take everything and walk out and stock pile without learning the lessons - time to mature and level up - Claim and own who you are- superficial times are done. Corruption that can be seen in the home, body, mind, chakra's and fields - it is beyond what any silencing of a lie or narrative - consciousness is the unspoken song and so many awakening are seeing, knowing, sensing, and hearing it - their spirits, souls are calling for fairness, equity, and judgment -
Any interference any person has to harm, take, steal, thieve and manipulate the innocent to serve selfish very soulfully corrupt entities, demons of the underground' no matter the money involved - JUDGEMENT has been called
Running businesses off of innocence, those that have been taken, speaking through those that can hear, see, know - that is our role - to call, bring forth, our light will call it forth - it must be healed we will not ascend as a collective with such darkness and harm to the innocent - all must grow up, mature, and heal. All are in their own rights to have liberation in speech, knowing, being -= none have any right to be, take, so that is not theirs - --> understand Creational Reality -
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All of what is underground - is a reflection of the inner - upper ground - lawyers, judges, policing, community people any one involved - judgement is called - make it right, bring truth, make it truthful, speak truth, and know that all innocence, those lives that have been taken, that did not make it, none shall be run by corrupt controllers, dominance and shady thieves, false prophets, and know all will transcend -
I speak this today - we are deserving, we are ready, I believe all can be healed - every paid silence, every misdeed, or mistruth, or wrongful narrative, illegally signed document to steal and take what is not yours and any person at all levels - judge or police, or community bank teller - false spiritualist and fake pastor - all are being seen, God is calling it out - make it right to go down in Gods way - and it will be bumpy and nothing will be easy about it - all is choice - it is time for justice - and a lot of innocent people have been harmed;
Our taxes - our work, our effort - we are transcending - we pay taxes for medical - yet few have a doctor, few can see a doctor without enormous red tape, waiting times, and doctors that are not 100% present due to social and political restraints, constraints, / all corruption will be called - we deserve better -
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The homeless - we deserve better
The education - we deserve better
Those that have chosen leadership, oathes, and called themselves leaders - how much purity and integrity in any systems
Corruption is being bathed and secret sects will be shown when all is bathed to be brought forth and balanced, cleansed - none shall own, control, or dominate another - period.
Any muscle that works for any one that is a ring-leader, false prophets or spiritualist, or witch, or whatever the name of the moment is, or title one wants to use;
ANY PERSON that tells anyone to put a hit in any way, is equal and all involved are equal in karma and all are known by spirit and all are being called judgement - If you choose to be the employees of the demon, whatever false story or narrative, lie, they may say - this is corruption - be discerning who you and why you give power to - karma is karma
And Source, the lives lost, the damages done, families done harm to and innocence lost - are calling out for balance, peace, safety, and judgment - enough is enough - this was called 2 years ago -
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I escaped such malice and I will not silence until every soul taken, harmed, siphoned, and stolen from will be set free in the liberation - no more corruption on earth -
Those that have taken oaths for the peace, harmony, joy, safety of humanity - know what is Source, Creational Reality and time to mature and grow up -
NONE CONTROL ANY
Understand 5D health and be discerning, be your own advocate, and health master - let none talk you into any corrupt or secret group, or council that do anything to do with interference of any -
Our bodies are sacred - Our minds are sacred - Our light, our organs, our health, and all have their equal right - none own any -
Peace be unto all
Blessings and light
Love is sacred Life is sacred and none have a right to take any aspect of it or control it of any other - wanna play sacrifice - do it to you - if you understand laws of creation - you will not need any such corrupt programs - and how is any of that 'ok' Crime, violence, and such is not necessary -
Whatever your health need, wish, prayer is, you are able to with your harmony with Source to obtain any level of health - it will not achieved and actually reversed if you choose to seek it nefariously or any other way - these are corrupt ways that go against natural order, divine order, and natural laws -
Universal Laws are NOW in order - and why you feel, see, are experiencing what you are - it Is you.  Heal. Heal thyself so your wounds do not become another's
And so be it
Joanna
DONATIONs; PayPal link here; paypal.me/JoannaLRoss
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We are levelling up to 5D higher divine order
None speak for me
My work is my work
My vibration is my vibration and my vibration speaks for itself -
Check out our next video for healthy updates, fun tips, new ascension news!
Happy humanity -
call peace and love to all souls - we are ONE  Unity, peace and INTEGRITY - our unity is unity - none left behind ~ 
I am that I am Safety and love for all
Joanna
DONATIONs; PayPal link here; paypal.me/JoannaLRoss
#ascension #humanharvesting #lightharvesting #calgarycrime #healingcorruption #corruption #secretsocieties #humanexperiments #healinghumanity #Source #5Dnewearth #5D #healingourchildren #organharvesting #humantrafficking #healing #psychewounds
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svyat0s · 11 months
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 30 Things 2 Smile About
Shadow Prowler launched flashmob, so I decided to join.
30 things 2 smile about. My mind works systematic. So I divide things by big groups and it's difficult, to find 30 things, because if we take as a thing smile to nice kitty and smile to nice bat as 2 things, it's easy, but if we tale cuteness like one thing, all becomes harder. But I'll try.
1. One, that always make me smile, without exception, is high-human behavior. It has many forms, but in the base it is always the same. When a human chooses a human, not their traumas, fantasies, offences, hostility. When a human behaves like a part of humankind - I always smile. It's the most amazing and wondering thing for me as well. I am never amazed by some dead crap, like things and places, but human behavior in its high humanistic form is always a great wonder.
2. When city or nature behave for a human good. Rain what stops, when you need to go somewhere, green light semaphore tunnel when you hurry up, when you can see unseen help of nature or city… but wait, it's again human behavior of a living being!)) aa, can I find something else to smile?
3. Funny fails of animals in video… but the most funny, when they get karma punishment of interrupting of human laws.
4. My beloved ones. 20 years old later I am still fallen in love with them, so when I see them - I always smile to them.
5. Sensual pleasure. Like, you know, when you with your beloved, drive car going somewhere, walk by coast or park, sit in your garden having breakfast, or  do fire in the evening, or just another cozy moment of calmness, I feel physical pleasure of calmness and coziness, then I smile.
6. Revenge. Karma. Revenge - it's when you was a reason of embodiment of Law of Life. Karma - when Law of Life worked by its own. In my arrogant opinion, it's one of the most beautiful things - pursuance of Life Laws. When I see it or know about it, I always smile. It's not always about punishment for evil, when it's about good for good - it's the same. 
7. Manifestation of psychological type of person. When a person does that is the most natural of their base needs and old decisions to be a beautiful living being. A bright manifestation, even when it is aberrated, but I can see why someone does something like that, and it's part of their psy-type (not stupid alluvial-crap desire) - I smile, because sincerity is always nice.
8. Humanistic antixenophobic narrative. Professional film, book, ideological art. When it's aesthetic and has art whole-ness in it, with the idea of uniting and of all living beings have a place in life. 
9. Sarcasm. Sharp, deep, old sarcasm.
10. Mocking of stereotypes. When an object of stereotype uses it like an advantage, for a witty joke, or rises it to absurd form.
11. Nice idea. Of mine, or of someone.
12. When I've helped my heroes of book. All they come to me with some problem, and want the truth to embody. And when I put the last point, and feel all said out their word, and no one from them now feel a pain because of lie, I smile.
13. When I see in heart of someone woke up the Red Gene (understanding of humanistic idea of communism, yes, it's the most liberal and honest way of living. No, all those forbids and banns were anti-communistic, yes, under its flag, but we have fascist culture of canceling under liberal flag, so the main thing is not a flag and name, but acting, even Jesus said that - you will know me and my people by acting, not by name) and it means someone in one step closer to be Human, not just be begotten.
Launcher found 11 items, and said to be continued. I repeat. I found demon dozen (in Russia 13 is called so). Maybe you will find 30?
So, what you smile about? 
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ohimesama · 1 year
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1.26.23 Thursday
5:35 am
So,good morning angels!
For the recap,the mysterious lover's ( Uncle DD & Aunt Karen ) went here yesterday and I was on duty...
I'm happy that Tita Karen gave me a providence that I can buy a new weapon stick... I just borrowed an arnis stick on LJ...
But who got it,my weapon stick??? Not a good situation that I just put it here in our living room table.
And I have vagina itch now probably coz I gained weight and I have few rashes...I need to buy petroleum jelly,meaning I can't have sex? Can I still have sex having rashes down there... Feels weird... I need some butt scrubbing....I feel so conscious. I need to save my butt and scrub...
I think I need to visit an obgyne, obygne.... But just waiting for fundings... I have vaginal itch, literally that I need my vagina to breathe...I have rashes now....
I never had a vagina itch coz I never actually move during my teenage years or time that I actually had yaya's or assistant....
7:59 am
Waiting for Mommy Adnil to finish her breakfast.Kuya Eidor brought me here this am the tricycle driver here in Lacub village... Hmm... I'm just concern that he looks sick always and I asked him if he is ohkay and he said that he has a "rheumatic heart disease"... I'm kinda shocked... The last time he lost his voice... I really don't know how to comfort Kuya Eidor...
I still have my left aching sciatica....
9:21 am
I still have the windblow trap and I feel bitterish... I need money and wanna buy starbucks everyday...
I hope Mommy Adnil will get better asap....Of course Anid and me are here... We care from the heart...
Life is like the flower of angel's breath.
Treat people with love if they are genuinely real. KARMA BEGETS KARMA!
I still have my own personal life... I do respect people's privacy but angels you can't just blame me if I'm holding my shield as my self-protection... But I value friendship so much!
It shocked me when I saw LJ this am that has a fresh wound on her left head, on the side....That yesterday it wasn't there...
Then,I'm shocked to see this am as well,Ms Enaoj was cleaning the living room. I said hey! You are here! Why? She said she needs to bring LJ on a doctor coz she is having diarrhea.
I confronted Ms Enaoj,if she punched her daughter? She said no! She just accidentally slipped in the bathroom.
How will I describe Ms Enaoj? Hmm... She is mysterious... Nice but mysterious... Seeing her college pictorial picture,I can say she was cute but she looks old now. I wonder why? Hmm somehow a tomboy but not really but cutely boyish... She aged thrice so fast, I wonder why....But she was cute on her younger days.But it is possible that she can punch her daughter. Ms Enaoj and her daughter both on their boy cut hair style.
2:12 pm
My vaginal itch it is due to weight gained that I have to diet or make my panties bigger, done feeding the dogs...
I feel fat and ugly... I can't get handsome bf's....I have a lazadah delivery and they are calling me and the mouth piece of my mobile is not in good condition... Whew!
I need a new mobile but don't have fundings for now...
Chilling and in a lil while will do a leg mobility massage for Mommy Adnil. I work professionally... But I still wanna do gluta shots and my butt scrubbing and my vagina clearing,I have rashes now....Grrr....
For the people who are interfering...I'm doing my own thing here....Wanna see still donkey and camel...
Can't get new handsome upper bf's with a car.....I have no guilty emotion... I didn't harm anyone...
My status is really "liberated" but it is case by case..I never reacted on someone's life unless they control me unfairly... I mind my own life coz that is my upbringing... I already streamed this on Tagged... I had bf's way back, we had a good relationship,meaning everything were mutual if not that will be raped!
Now, I need handsome with car....Well,but I can't meet anyone right now.... Sad situation, I need to work and I wanna buy starbucks everyday... I wanna do gluta in God's time...
Still,thinking of big money now.....Still, self-pitying...
3:39 pm
Early mobility massage,done! So,funny Mommy Adnil wants a competition on her, she is comparing all of us Anid, Ms Enaoj and Ms Yoj that, she is better than you or Enaoj is better than Yoj... Now, she is complaining about her "lifter"... Coz the lifter is on the upper part now... I told her, it is natural Mommy Adnil coz I'm pulling you up when I have to...
Lemme explain the "lifter".
4:02 pm
I just quickly grabbed the last piece of pandesal bread in their refrigerator with permission of Mommy Adnil and put the egg sandwich spread made by Ms Enaoj... After mobility massage, I feel that I need some energy...
Hmm....Drinking my latte, my last coffee for today here...
Lemme go back to the "lifter". WHAT IS "LIFTER" IN THE WORLD OF CAREGIVER?"
Lifter is a blanket on the top of the bed cover. Its purpose is to assist the caregiver on positioning the patient or elderly having a bedridden case.
So, the lifer must be longer on the feet side,that is the way of Mommy Adnil here... But I agree it must be longer on the feet but as far as I can remember it is reverse on Nightingale...Anyways, life will never be perfect if you are a caregiver but at least have some passion to care and share love on your patient.
This afternoon Mommy Adnil's lifter is almost on the head part coz we had a full-bath today, meaning I pulled her up going to the headboard to easily shampoo her head, of course. After the full-bath, she is complaining on me about her lifter that is already short on her feet side, that her lifter went all up to the head part.
But take note! That is natural coz you keep on moving and positioning your patient.
She is challenging me to fix the lifter or arrange it. It is a challenge for me,that I will do later on our last flower wash and butt bedsore cleaning.
5:19 pm
Done,fixing Mommy Adnil's lifter with so many comment coming from her....The typical Mommy Adnil... ;)
8:17 pm
I'm in the house now and done,eating my dinner... I feel fat and ugly and I miss exercising but I have to work for John and for my some extra's in life...
I miss doing sit-ups but I need money....I have vaginal itch and bought betadine for basics itch... Hope this will work and will try the warm water and vinegar down there...
I hope I don't need a vagina suppository for this...
9 pm
I still have the windblow trap... I have this self-pity coz I'm fading....
I wanna buy starbucks everyday....I really feel fat and ugly my deep inside.
I need bf's to assist me...As in assist me, bf who has stability,maturity and good looks..
9:34 pm
Can't have sex now,if ever....I wanna bf who is matured and having a mind of an adult, I mean sex matters and meaningful but I want someone who will not only focus on that just to continue the relationship.... I have rashes now and vagina itch....
I still have the windblow trap... I feel that it is my end life,will be 42 and I can't get a bf who can assist me in all angle of situation, most specially my self-esteem...
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yandere-daydreams · 3 years
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Title: Karma.
Pairing: Yandere!Xiao/Reader (Genshin Impact).
Word Count:  2.1k.
TW: Imprisonment, Mentions of Kidnapping, Codependence, Possessive Mindsets, Non-Consensual Touching, Physical Abuse, Slight Victim-Blaming.
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Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Xiao knew that this was what he deserved.
This, all of it, everything. Whatever the world had to throw at him, all the things he’d earned over centuries of bloodshed and death and guilt that grew more crippling with each passing day. He’d come to terms with that, and if he was being honest with himself, he might admit that he was growing numb to the pain, that despite his distaste, violence didn’t seem as utterly unpalatable as it used to. He wasn’t thankful for it, he didn’t want it, but he was resigned, apathetic, too used to it to care the way he used to, when fighting left him as battered as his enemies. He'd grown accustomed to it. He’d adapted.
He just wasn’t used to this. A new sort of discomfort. A different kind of pain.
He just wasn’t used to you being the source of his karmic suffering, whether or not you realized it was quite that poetic.
He’d earned it. He knew that. He’d earned every part of his current punishment – your glare, your locked jaw, the unadulterated loathing that emanated off of you in waves, unignorable from the moment he shrugged open the heavy, wooden door to his crowded room on the inn’s top floor. He’d managed to stave off the urge to use chains, ropes, anything more solid and more restraining than an idle threat and a locked door, but you were smart enough to stay balled up in the furthest corner, your knees pulled into your chest and your eyes on the floor, narrowed with an intensity he’d only ever seen in demons, moments before their deaths. It hurt him to see, the stance too defensive not to be learned, but it was better than the alternative. He’d caught you on the balcony, once or twice, leaning over the railing or admiring the view, and…
You could’ve slipped. You could’ve tried to jump. He shouldn’t have lost his temper, but you shouldn’t have been so reckless. It’d been dangerous, even you were still too naïve to see that.
Xiao grit his teeth, shaking his head as he forced himself to focus on the matter at-hand. You didn’t move as he approached, only shrinking further into yourself, becoming something small, something timid, a form of passive resistance you’ve perfected, in the weeks since you last put up a real fight. If he was feeling any less patient, he might’ve resorted to less honorable methods, throwing you over his shoulder and dragging you through his routine of self-indulgence despite your attempts to struggle against him. He’d tried it before, broken his own promises countless times, but it was almost never worth the way you’d cry afterwards, like he’d hurt you, like he’d done anything wrong. Like you could expect him to do anything less, when you were determined to be so stubborn.
So, instead, he tried talking. Talking was more peaceful. He didn’t like talking, but you did, and he was trying to be more considerate of what you liked. “I’m back.”
He waited, but there was no response. That was fine. He was fine. He couldn’t say he’d never given you a reason to ignore him. “You’re not reading,” He tried, again, fighting to keep his voice even. You tended to flinch, whenever he got too loud. “It’d be a better use of your time than sulking around, like this.”
You didn’t look at him, your voice muffled by your self-made haven. “You keep burning my books.”
Burning? That sounded like something he would do, as an act of precaution or anger or the same petty vengeance creatures so far beneath him were so prone to. It’d probably been one of the anthologies you were so fond of – folklore hiding under the guise of real history. Usually, he didn’t pay it much mind, the liberal retellings of events no living mortal could possibly be old enough to have witnessed, but he didn’t care for it when you found value in such trash. Stories about the Adepti were far too common in Liyue literature, and you’d always been the type to ask questions, to try to pry your way into subjects you could never hope to comprehend. It was better to eliminate the problem entirely. That was how he’d survived for so long, among humans -- terminating issues before they could arise.
But, you wouldn’t understand that. And even if you did, it wouldn’t do anything to heal the wound he’d already created.
He was beginning to think nothing he tried would ever be enough to mend your anger, not when you were so content to tear at the stitching yourself.
“I said I was sorry, didn’t I?” He wasn’t sure if he had, but you didn’t correct him, only squaring your shoulders, digging your nails into your legs, going even further to block him out, push him away, isolate yourself and leave him to suffer for your insubordination. Xiao rolled his eyes, scowling to himself, but whatever irritation he could summon was quickly replaced by his exhaustion, that perpetual desire to fall into your arms and have you welcome him willingly, lovingly, the way you used to before he decided he had to ruin it. He was tempted to touch you, to reach out, to cup your cheek or wrap an arm around you or draw you close by force, rather than natural attraction, but he thought better of it, crouching by your side, instead, letting his back hit the wall with a heavy thud.
When he opened his mouth, his tongue felt heavier, his throat hoarse. Like the weight of his conscious had found yet another way to make itself known. “You hate me.”
It was a fact, like the color of the sky or the scent of the air before a storm. It was true, both of you already knew that, but you were kind enough to hesitate, lifting you head just high enough to see him. For him to see you, tiny and terrified. A trembling rabbit that knew better than to hope for mercy from a hawk. “I do.”
It stung more than it had any right to. “And there’s nothing I can do make you stop hating me.”
You laughed, at that, the sound breathy and sardonic, melodic and unabashed, akin to bird songs and wind chimes and every other beautiful thing Xiao could think of, even in its most beaten down state. He wanted to kiss you, to hold you, to deafen himself because he knew nothing would ever be half as lovely as that laugh, but you were talking before he could act on the impulse. That was for the best, really. Acting on impulse was what got him into this, and he wasn’t eager to drive you away any further. “I don’t have any other choice,” You started, your tone light, your anger softened into something playful. The kind of tender rage only you were capable of. “If I could choose not to hate you, I would. You were my friend, and if I could find any way to justify your actions, you’d still be my friend. I don’t want to think of you as anything else.” You paused, letting out a deep breath, relaxing slightly. Xiao couldn’t bring himself to celebrate the small victory. “I don’t want to hate you, but I have to. You see that, right? After everything you’ve done to me, I have to hate you.”
He deserved this, and you deserved to say it. He deserved to have his heart broken, crushed and shattered in his chest, and you deserved to be the one to break it. “I don’t want you to hate me, either.” It felt more intimate than it should’ve, a confession rather than common knowledge. You might’ve teased him for it, months ago, smiled and said something about softening him up. Now, your frown only deepened. “But, I need to do this. Your safety comes first. If something ever happened to you, I’d—”
Even in his own mind, his logic faltered. ‘If something ever happened to you’, like he hadn’t already done more damage than any monster ever could. It might’ve been more redeemable if he was honest, if he admitted he was doing this for himself, because he wanted to, because just for an hour, a minute, a few key seconds, he was idiotic enough to think he deserved to have you, permanently, whether or not you wanted to have him.
But, he couldn’t say that. He didn’t know how. His mouth wouldn’t form the right words, so he was left to say the wrong ones, his tone taking a sharp turn towards hostile as he spoke. “The door isn’t locked. I’m not keeping you here. You can leave, if you’re really that miserable.”
You shifted, and Xiao’s throat went dry. He knew the answer, and yet, it still hurt to hear it in your voice, to know you were capable of inflicting such insufferable pain. “If I try to, will you let me?”
He wouldn’t. Of course he wouldn’t, he couldn’t even tell himself he’d try. He’d hunt you down to the ends of Teyvat if he had to, spend the rest of his immortality finding you and making sure you never had the chance to do something so short-sighted again. He could make the guilt more bearable, promising himself he’d take care of you, that since he couldn’t do away with the cage entirely, he’d do his best to make your prison a comfortable one, but you’d still be unhappy, you’d still hate him. He’d hate himself, too, but that might be the one aspect of your relationship he thought he could stand. If nothing else, Xiao didn’t make himself a stranger to self-loathing.
“I love you,” He mumbled, as if that counted for anything. “So much. More than you could possibly understand.”
“I know.” You were the one to bridge the gap, this time, a hesitant hand coming to rest over his. Something in his chest tightened, and for a moment, Xiao had to wonder if it was possible for a mortal to be so cruel. “But, I don’t love you. There’s nothing you can do to change that.”
You moved to pull away, fear fading into sympathetic pity, but Xiao didn’t want your pity, he didn’t want you to go back to hiding from him, trembling and screaming and treating him like some monster, a beast waiting to lash out. That’s what he was, really, but he didn’t have to admit it. He didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t want to let himself believe he’d fallen that far, and he didn’t want to let you treat him as if he had.
His grip was too tight, a whimper escaping your parted lips as he caught you by the wrist, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, not when it was so easy to jerk you towards him, forcing you out of your pathetic, laughable shelter and into his lap, his free arm latching onto your waist before you had a chance to pull away. The remorse was reflexive, immediate and instinctual, but for the first time, he allowed himself to ignore it, to bury it underneath the pleasant warmth of your skin against his and the bliss that came with being so close to you, with burying his face in your shoulder, with indulging every necessity he’d denied himself in the name of your comfort. Your hands were already on his chest, your entire body shaking as you made a weak attempt to push him away, but Xiao was stronger than you, and he loved you so much more than you could ever hate him. This was fair. That had to be enough to make it fair.
You shifted, the air catching in your lungs, but Xiao only bared his teeth, letting pointed fangs ghost over the side of your neck before he could regret scaring you. Maybe he wanted to scare you. Maybe it’d be better, if you were scared of him. At least then, he wouldn’t have to keep playing dutiful lover. 
“Don’t move,” He snarled, and instantly, you went still. He could feel your heart racing in your chest, hear the cracked sob you failed to swallow, but he wanted this, he needed this. You’d get used to it, with time. You might even begin to appreciate the weeks he spent coddling you, once you were exposed to the alternative. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I need this. I need you to let me have this.” He paused, giving you just enough to time to stiffen, to realize he wasn’t letting go. To realize he was never letting go, even if that meant you only grew to hate him more. “I don’t care if you love me. I need you.” 
Because he’d already gotten what he deserved. He’d already suffered, anguished, submitted himself fully to karma and reaped the consequences. The lesson had been drilled into him a thousand times, by his own hand another hundred. He already knew pain.
He’d already gotten what he deserved.
For once, he wanted to know what it would be like to get what he wanted, instead.
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taurianskies7 · 3 years
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Let me clear this up for you:
Since no one seems to understand. Time to rant. 
CONCEPT OF KARMA
I absolutely hate how western practitioners have twisted the meaning and bastardised it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely rooted in my roots and I’m not an extreme traditionalist but people using the concept of karma by first misunderstanding its foundations and then using it to justify horrendous shit is unbelievable. Which then, leads to people trying to divorce karma from its associations.
Okay, let’s just break it down. Idk how they just reduced Karma as “what goes around, comes around” & treated it like a cause and effect deal, because it isn’t. Using Karma to justify suffering and oppression was NEVER it’s original purpose. Looking through Hinduism & Vedic teachings, Karma is a law that human in the centre of responsibility, in every way, shape and form. There is a reason Karma is tied with Saturn (Shani), the God of Karma, Justice and Retribution, and ANY astrologer can tell you how Saturn operates in similar principal. Karma doesn’t teach people to shut up & suffer because they deserve it. Karma says that the cycles that exist are created by and through humans, their suffering & good fortune accordingly and by virtue, it is in their hands and will alone on how they want to cultivate their actions.
It DOESN’T discount systematic oppression.
It DOESN’T tell you to sit on your hands and suffer because it’s your fault.
It DOESN’T tell you that you’ll get good things after suffering.
What Karma does is present you with the situation of your life, then waits and watches what YOU choose to do with it, how YOU work or manage it. Ultimately, being tied to Saturn, it expects you to take responsibility on creating your own situation.
And no, I’m not saying this in the way that the way people are, and how they’re suffering is because they somehow “were a bad person in their previous life, etc etc”, I’m saying that it acknowledges that people have different situations & personal suffering, yes, a LOT of things in life are fundamentally difficult but you need to understand, the planets or the gods didn’t create suffering on such a global scale, it was ultimately humans/men themselves that perpetuated and continued the cycle of suffering, and it is, ultimately, in our hands to make it better or worse. Karma treats everyone equally this sense, but it is very difficult to understand this if you don’t realise that the concept of Karma is deeply tied with cycles, especially as Hinduism treats time as a cycle itself, and often times people really can’t and don’t have the knowledge of comprehending anything but their own/current life while they’re alive. 
Karma isn’t an immediate slap in the face (unless you have those placements that make it so) as you know, the GOD OF KARMA is literally called the slowest/slow moving planet and is symbolised by a tortoise, the effects of your Karma accumulate and thus it usually manifests in the various cycle of lifes. I understand that western practitioners or those growing up with largely Christian themes/society can’t understand because we don’t have a definite “end”, the only “end” that comes from cycles of reincarnation is through burning the ties of Karma and liberating the soul. There are three types of Karma:
1. Sanchita karma, the sum total of past karmas yet to be resolved. 2. Prarabdha karma, that portion of sanchita karma that is to be experienced in this life. 3. Kriyamana karma, the karma that humans are currently creating, which will bear fruit in future.
There are some things in life you can’t control, there are also things in life that you can control. Karma is a continuous cycle until you achieve moksha, which is the ultimate goal of liberation.
Hinduism/The Vedas has recognised and understood the way the Law of Karma works, that’s one of the main reasons Dharma was made one of the aims of life, the act of good deeds, performing proper responsibilities & personality that ultimately gears you towards attaining (good)karma that will make it easier for you to pursue the other “Purusartha” aka aims of life, and of course, the path towards liberation in general.
From this perspective, we see life as fundamentally connected with everything, including people, action, deeds, nature, planets, the universe etc etc, Karma is just a law that explains one part of such. Astrology has always been one of the main tools used to deeply study the bond between the planets and a human existence (soul & body), one of the main reason Karmic Astrology exists is because the intrinsic ties our existence has with different elements of life, and of course, the soul that has & will be going through everything. Now that you’re in the end of this post, I hope you never misuse the concept of “Karma” because I’m going to arrive there with Saturn to slap a bitch.
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nonconstories · 3 years
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hey, just found your blog and i love it! i read Sexual Health 1 & 2 and can't wait to read more. any in particular you'd recommend with victims being forced to feel pleasure that they're actively resisting? thank you!!
Hello there!!! I'm thrilled you're enjoying it!
So, for 'forced pleasure', I've got a few offerings in that category.
There's Reward and Punishment (a witch with a dick fucking a shy nymph), Bottom of the Pack (werewolf sex slave gangbang), Teeth and Karma (more of the former but with kidnapping and a lot more fear thrown in; this one is pretty dark tbh), Public Amenities (trans masc reader insert getting gang raped on a subway) and you could probably consider Obey Me as being in that neighborhood (technically they have an established relationship but she fake protests the whole time).
For things that are similar but not exactly that tone, you can also give Trespasser and Check Your Runes Twice a whirl!
Enjoy anon!
Stay Liberated
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zippityzap · 3 years
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Sonic Tarot Card Project: explanations for character picks
Recently I completed a summer-long project where I created Sonic themed versions of the tarot major acana. I put a lot of research and thought into what characters to assign to which cards, and I wanted to explain my rationale behind each one! (Everything’s under the read more cut because this is a very long post!)
To start off, let me explain why I did this project in the first place. This summer I watched Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure for the first time, and in Part 3, Stardust Crusaders, the majority of the stand abilities are named after the tarot major arcana. Thanks to cultural osmosis I vaguely knew the meanings of a few of the cards and I realised that one of the characters suited his assigned card pretty well. I was curious if this matched anyone else and so once I finished watching that part, I did research on tarot and found that yeah, a lot of them do match! That got me interested in tarot and since I like combining things I’m interested in, I decided to make Sonic versions of the cards.
I do want to note that while Jojo did inspire this project in a lot of ways, I tried not to let my character picks be influenced by Stardust Crusader characters, although there did end up being some picks that did coincidentally happen to match nicely anyway. Also, I’m not gonna lie, ever since picking these card choices I’ve been highly tempted to draw Sonic as Polnareff.
Anyway, on to my explanations for character choices!
0: The Fool (Charmy Bee)
The Fool represents innocence, spontaneity and recklessness. I believe Charmy’s happy and carefree nature, along with the simple fact that he’s essentially just a little kid who likes to have fun makes him a great fit for this card
1: The Magician (Infinite)
The Magician represents creation and strength, but also manipulation and narcissism, a good match for Infinite and the powers of the phantom ruby. (I was also very pleased to notice that the traditional art for the card has an infinity symbol- everything lined up very well!)
The Rider Waite version of the card also depicts a sword, a wand, a cup and a pentacle; the suits of the minor arcana. I have attempted to depict these with various objects from the Sonic series, namely Infinite’s sword from the IDW Forces prequel comic, the sceptre of darkness from '06, a chaos emerald, and a ring respectively.
2: The High Priestess (Princess Elise)
The High Priestess represents secrets, repression, and the unknown, which I believe fits with Elise’s initial desire to control her emotions and her sadness. (Admittedly this is one of the looser character/card connections for this project, but my two other picks for this card I felt were better suited to different cards)
3: The Empress (Vanilla the Rabbit)
The Empress represents nurturing, fertility and childbirth, all traits that I believe make this card a good pick for a kind, caring mother like Vanilla
4: The Emperor (Dr Eggman)
A card fitting for the leader of the Eggman Empire! The Emperor represents authority, power, and tyranny, all traits Dr Robotnik desires, if not possesses in many continuities.
5: The Hierophant (Espio the Chameleon)
The Hierophant represents wisdom and tradition, and in both upright and reversed forms it has large connections to the concept of social conformity. Perhaps I’m drawing more from the various comic versions of Espio, but he comes across to me as someone who is hyper-aware about how he presents himself.
Fun fact: a hierophant is essentially another word for a religious leader, although I’ve never seen it used outside the context of tarot. I assume the religious connection is the reason why in the OST of the Jojo part 3 anime, Kakyoin’s theme is called Noble Pope.
6: The Lovers (Amy Rose)
The Lovers represents love, communication, and passion; and Amy is certainly a character who wears her heart on her sleeve! She’s a good example of a character who I feel fits a number of different cards, however there are no other characters who suited The Lovers quite as much as her.
7: The Chariot (Sonic the Hedgehog)
The Chariot represents journeys, wanderlust as well as the ambition and willpower to achieve your goals, which I believe is the perfect match for Sonic’s adventurous and heroic spirit. This was one of the first cards I decided on and it’s probably the one I’d defend my interpretation of the most.
If you’re wondering why there’s dark and hero chao in the artwork too, it’s because the original card art depicts the titular chariot being pulled by black and white sphinxes, and this is my way of calling back to that.
8: Strength (Maria Robotnik)
This card pick might seem unusual at first if you take the word ‘strength’ at face value, however considering the original card art depicts a maiden peacefully taming a lion, perhaps the Strength card represents inner strength, courage and determination rather than physical strength. These are traits that I believe Maria possesses.
9: The Hermit (Knuckles the Echidna)
The Hermit signifies awareness and independence but when reversed can mean isolation and resignation, traits that parallel well with Knuckles and his duty to be the protector of the Master Emerald
10: The Wheel of Fortune (Big the Cat)
The Wheel of Fortune represents fate, karma and luck! This is admittedly a bit of a cheeky dig at myself since I’m awful at the Big fishing levels in SA1 and mostly got through them through luck. But that’s not to say the card doesn’t apply to Big himself! His frequent cameos do have a bit of a fate/destiny vibe to them and in IDW Big is lucky enough to manage to avoid the metal virus for quite a long time.
11: Justice (Vector the Crocodile)
The meaning of the Justice cards is… pretty much what it says on the tin: fairness and clarity. Of course the Team Chaotix detective agency represents this as a whole, but that trait especially shines through with Vector himself. He may be a little money oriented, but doing what is morally right always takes priority.
12: The Hanged Man (Shadow the Hedgehog)
The thing about Shadow is that he’s a fairly complex character which means there are a number of cards in the Major Arcana that match him well, but I knew early on when tackling this project that I wanted to assign Shadow to The Hanged Man. This card represents change, release and sacrifice, which all align well with the character arc that Shadow goes through during the course of SA2 and beyond.
13: Death (Tikal the Echidna and Chaos)
Despite the morbid name of the card, (and the admittedly macabre scene I’ve depicted) the Death card is not an inherently negative card to draw. Yes, it can mean endings and grief, but it can also mean letting go and new beginnings. The story that Tikal and Chaos go through in SA1, their anguish and how they later find peace, is something that I think pairs well with this particular card.
Fun fact: this is the only card in this project that has two significant characters on it rather than just one. I felt I needed both of them to be on the card in order to fully represent its meaning
14: Temperance (Blaze the Cat)
The Temperance card signifies balance, harmony and patience, which matches Blaze’s very poised and graceful demeanour. Admittedly I had a little bit of trouble deciding on a card for Blaze since the High Priestess and the Hierophant are also good matches for her.
15: The Devil (Rouge the Bat)
The Devil card represents temptation, seduction, and materialism and well… look, Rouge is one of my favourite Sonic characters, I’d be one of the first people to tell you that there’s a lot more to her than what initially appears, she is so much more complex than just sex appeal and a gemstone obsession. However, I felt there was no other character that matched the traits of this specific card better than Rouge, and so my choice was decided by that.
16: The Tower (E-123 Omega)
The Tower card represents a number of things; disruption, disasters, sudden changes etc, however the trait that made me believe that Omega would be the best selection for the card was violence.
17: The Star (Miles ‘Tails’ Prower)
Tails’ character arcs normally centre around him gaining independence and self-confidence and learning to believe in himself. He is also largely characterised by his unyielding faith and trust in Sonic. These traits are the reason why I believe The Star card represents him well, as it symbolises hope and faith.
18: The Moon (Shade the Echidna)
The Moon card symbolises mysteries and the unknown, and when Shade is first introduced in Chronicles, she and the rest of the Nocturnus Clan are certainly presented as mysterious. The Moon can also represent misconception, which fits well with how Shade was initially unaware of the true nature of Ix’s plans.
19: The Sun (Cream the Rabbit)
The Sun, when drawn in an upright position, has a lot of positive meanings! Freedom, fun, happiness, good luck etc. Cream’s cheerful and optimistic disposition makes her a good match for this card
20: Judgement (E-102 Gamma)
The Judgement card symbolises liberation, awakening, redemption and second chances, all of which I believe represent Gamma and his character arc in SA1 well
21: The World (Metal Sonic)
In the upright position, The World card symbolises triumph, completion, strength and happiness while in reversed position can mean failure, anxiety, lack of self-confidence etc. I had both positioning of the card in mind when connecting it to Metal Sonic; he is devoted to the tasks given to him and is self-assured in his belief that he is the true/superior ‘sonic’ yet he repeatedly finds himself at the hands of failure. But he doesn’t let previous failures hold him back, thus starting the cycle anew. (Another connection to the World card as it also symbolises cycles)
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mahayanapilgrim · 3 years
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When Venerable Atisha came to Tibet he first went to Ngari, where he remained for two years giving many teachings to the disciples of Jangchub Ö.
After two years had passed he decided to return to India, and Jangchub Ö requested him to give one last teaching before he left.
Atisha replied that he had already given them all the advice they needed, but Jangchub Ö persisted in his request and so Atisha accepted and gave the following advice.
How wonderful!
Friends, since you already have great knowledge and clear understanding, whereas I am of no importance and have little wisdom, it is not suitable for you to request advice from me. However because you dear friends, whom I cherish from my heart, have requested me, I shall give you this essential advice from my inferior and childish mind.
Friends, until you attain enlightenment the Spiritual Teacher is indispensable, therefore rely upon the holy Spiritual Guide.
Until you realize ultimate truth, listening is indispensable, therefore listen to the instructions of the Spiritual Guide.
Since you cannot become a Buddha merely by understanding Dharma, practise earnestly with understanding.
Avoid places that disturb your mind, and always remain where your virtues increase.
Until you attain stable realizations, worldly amusements are harmful, therefore abide in a place where there are no such distractions.
Avoid friends who cause you to increase delusions, and rely upon those who increase your virtue. This you should take to heart.
Since there is never a time when worldly activities come to an end, limit your activities.
Dedicate your virtues throughout the day and the night, and always watch your mind.
Because you have received advice, whenever you are not meditating always practise in accordance with what your Spiritual Guide says.
If you practise with great devotion, results will arise immediately, without your having to wait for a long time.
If from your heart you practise in accordance with Dharma, both food and resources will come naturally to hand.
Friends, the things you desire give no more satisfaction than drinking sea water, therefore practise contentment.
Avoid all haughty, conceited, proud, and arrogant minds, and remain peaceful and subdued.
Avoid activities that are said to be meritorious, but which in fact are obstacles to Dharma.
Profit and respect are nooses of the maras, so brush them aside like stones on the path.
Words of praise and fame serve only to beguile us, therefore blow them away as you would blow your nose.
Since the happiness, pleasure, and friends you gather in this life last only for a moment, put them all behind you.
Since future lives last for a very long time, gather up riches to provide for the future.
You will have to depart leaving everything behind, so do not be attached to anything.
Generate compassion for lowly beings, and especially avoid despising or humiliating them.
Have no hatred for enemies, and no attachment for friends.
Do not be jealous of others’ good qualities, but out of admiration adopt them yourself.
Do not look for faults in others, but look for faults in yourself, and purge them like bad blood.
Do not contemplate your own good qualities, but contemplate the good qualities of others, and respect everyone as a servant would.
See all living beings as your father or mother, and love them as if you were their child.
Always keep a smiling face and a loving mind, and speak truthfully without malice.
If you talk too much with little meaning you will make mistakes, therefore speak in moderation, only when necessary.
If you engage in many meaningless activities your virtuous activities will degenerate, therefore stop activities that are not spiritual.
It is completely meaningless to put effort into activities that have no essence.
If the things you desire do not come it is due to karma created long ago, therefore keep a happy and relaxed mind.
Beware, offending a holy being is worse than dying, therefore be honest and straightforward.
Since all the happiness and suffering of this life arise from previous actions, do not blame others.
All happiness comes from the blessings of your Spiritual Guide, therefore always repay his kindness.
Since you cannot tame the minds of others until you have tamed your own, begin by taming your own mind.
Since you will definitely have to depart without the wealth you have accumulated, do not accumulate negativity for the sake of wealth.
Distracting enjoyments have no essence, therefore sincerely practise giving.
Always keep pure moral discipline for it leads to beauty in this life and happiness hereafter.
Since hatred is rife in these impure times, don the armour of patience, free from anger.
You remain in samsara through the power of laziness, therefore ignite the fire of the effort of application.
Since this human life is wasted by indulging in distractions, now is the time to practise concentration.
Being under the influence of wrong views you do not realize the ultimate nature of things, therefore investigate correct meanings.
Friends, there is no happiness in this swamp of samsara, so move to the firm ground of liberation.
Meditate according to the advice of your Spiritual Guide and dry up the river of samsaric suffering.
You should consider this well because it is not just words from the mouth, but sincere advice from the heart.
If you practise like this you will delight me, and you will bring happiness to yourself and others.
I who am ignorant request you to take this advice to heart.
This is the advice that the holy being Venerable Atisha gave to Venerable Jang Chub Ö.
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