#was supposed to write my thoughts on this earlier but i had to leave for school

[beenbaanbuun]

tears - opposites attract

this is kind of short but i was thinking about jongho and i had to write something about him. i’m working on requests and i should be finished with a few of them soon 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

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mingi…

that bastard has stolen your werewolf from you. it’s just for today and hongjoong promised seonghwa that the two of them—and probably mingi as well—would be back in time for dinner. he promised he’d let san know to make dinner as usual, but as of yet he hasn’t stepped out of his greenhouse once. something about being on the ‘precipice of a breakthrough!’ is what he told you that morning when he slipped out of bed far earlier than you or hongjoong, although a breakthrough of what, you’re unsure.

the first part of the morning was spent with san, trailing him around the house as he tidied and cleaned. you’d asked him what he’d be doing on his day off the following week; he told you he didn’t know but it’s almost certain that he wouldn’t be going home. he mentioned the price of train tickets being too expensive, but with the way he bowed his head to hide his expression, you could tell there was something more going on. you didn’t push, just like you wouldn’t want san to push. instead you stand there in a sad silence as san dusts the mantle piece in the living room.

“did you know this house is haunted?” you break the silence as you cast your gaze across the rug in the centre of the room. you can almost hear the crying that comes hand in hand with your ghost, the sound becoming almost comforting the more you hear it. it sounds strange to say that; to admit that you take comfort from someone else’s misery, but it’s the truth. the sound of his quiet sniffles has become synonymous with friendship and love and affection.

san turns to you with an eyebrow raised.

“well i’d have to assume so,” he takes a moment to look around the room, gesturing to all the antiquities and grandiose, “all this shit is bound to carry a few spirits, right?” the dust cloth he carries brushes past your arm as he takes it back to the mantle; you brush the filthy residue away with a grumble. “i don’t really care as long as they don’t come into my room. i’m far too tired to be dealing with ghosts whenever i try to sleep.”

you giggle at the image of the tearful man standing at the foot of san’s bed, staring at the butler with wet eyes and a frown. if san could see him, you have no doubt he’d take pity on the poor creature. as it stands, the idea is simply that; an idea.

“he might be,” you shrug, “but you wouldn’t know. the further he gets from his pelt, the less visible he becomes.”

the thought breaks your heart a little now that you dwell on it. he could be anywhere at any time and you just wouldn’t know it; does he ever feel ignored? or trapped? to have the only love you’ve ever received confined to a single room must be tough. it’s like an ultimatum that neither of you had a say in. a cruel trick from the universe to punish him for his spirit remaining here so long after his death. perhaps he yearns to move on, to find reprieve from the loneliness that haunts the walls of this house just as he does. the very house that has become your freedom must feel like a prison for him.

you wonder for a moment how long he’s been dead for, but the thought seems to manifest itself as a lump in your throat. he told you in his own words that he’d never known love before, just as hongjoong said the rug had been a family heirloom. you dread to think how many generations it has been passed through, each of them bringing even more loneliness and sorrow to the bear.

it makes sense now, why he cries. at first you figured it might be pain, that perhaps he still feels the weapon that led to his death lodged in his heart. in a way you suppose it is pain, and you have no doubt that it’s in his heart, but just not in the way you expected.

with a sigh, you leave the butler’s side to take a seat on the rug. you want to be close to him right now, for your own benefit as much as his. even though you can’t see him right know, you know he’s right there beside you. the shiver that runs up your arm is enough to confirm that fact. you don’t wipe it away or hide from in, instead basking in that icy cold feeling that makes your goosebumps blossom like the flowers in seonghwa’s greenhouse. you hope he can see them and know that even when he can’t be seen, he can still be felt.

you hope he knows you could never ignore him.

[neo-shitty]

baggy jeans… they did this for geto suguru 🤙🏻😋

[queers-gambit]

Curiosity Killed The Cat

prompt: after rescuing you from kidnappers, you overhear your boyfriend-turned-savior complain about how clingy you've become.

pairing: Mafia!Bucky Barnes x female!reader

fandom masterlist: Marvel

collection masterlist: Clingy Baby

word count: 5.1k+

note: author wants things out of her drafts! also don't take this fic too seriously, it's not much at all - just me writing for the fuck of it until i'm ready to focus on my bigger projects.

warnings: modern AU, Mafia AU, obvious cursing, small hurt and comfort, brief depiction of physical violence and self-destruction in the form of: loss of appetite, lack of sleep, other symptoms of depression. NOT edited! author is ashamed because she knows she can give you something better but oh well.

Your feet planted, jarring you to a halt the moment you heard your name in a conversation you were not apart of.

You heard the hammering of your heart, echoing beats of your blood pumping with harrowing desperation. Hands turned cold and clammy, sweat breaking out on your brow and then freezing, feeling as if your throat had swollen to a new restriction and you were anchored in you in place.

Rooted.

But for now, all you could identify was the paralyzing anxiety that anchored you to your spot and made your heartbeat thunder in your ears. You stood outside the lounge, unable to comprehend relevant thought; still listening to low, docile tones continue their conversation, but you couldn't hear real words.

You were stunned. Panicked, confused, hurt - so very hurt. That seemed to register, too; you were really, really hurt.

This was perhaps why curiosity killed the cat.

You reprimanded yourself for listening in - transporting back to childhood during all the times your parents would scold you for eavesdropping. You knew it was wrong, you knew this was a private conversation meant to be shared between trusting confidants, but you couldn't help it - you heard your name and stopped. It was natural, right? To feel curious regarding a conversation seemingly about you that you, yourself, was not apart of?

Curiosity, indeed.

Blinking rapidly, you remembered the only other time you felt such mounting, pressurized fear, and while it might be dramatic, the only other time you could remember this level of anxiety was from about two months ago...

"Yes, baby, I got the bacon."

"And the jalapeños?"

"Uh-huh, the biggest they had."

"Cream cheese?"

"Do you know who you're talking to?" You laughed into the phone. "I'm a professional housewife by now, you can relax. I got all you needed for your fancy little dinner experiment."

Bucky laughed down the phone, "Oh, please, like I didn't see you salivating when we watched the segment on Top Chef."

"Hush," you laughed, too. "I'm leaving the store now," you told him, pushing out of the heavy glass doors, "and should be home in, like, 10 minutes?"

"Lemme pick you up."

"I have legs to walk with, so, no thank you."

He sighed, "Well, I'll open the wine to let it breathe. Red's still good?"

"Let's do a white tonight, please."

"Good deal," he mused softly. "Hey, I was thinking earlier - "

"Hang on," you pleaded.

"What's wrong?"

"No, nothing. There's just a van slowing down, I don't want to get hit," you chuckled some, looking up and down the street before crossing. "Sorry, so, what were you thinking?"

"We haven't been to Paris in months."

You smirked, "I'm sure our plants in the apartment are dead by now."

Bucky laughed, "Oh, I am, too. But, look, how 'bout it, Peach? You, me, all the croissants we can consume this weekend. I'll take Monday and Tuesday off, we can leave tomorrow night."

"Oh, that sounds nice," you moaned. "Paris in the spring? Baby, that's so dreamy!"

"So, is that a yes?"

"It's a hell yes," you grinned. "Do you know the weather?"

"Supposed to be nice and sunny, not too warm or cold. Figured this would be ideal," he chuckled. "But does the weather matter if we're in bed the whole time?"

"No, we're not wasting our time!" You laughed. "We're gonna go do shit, okay? Stereotypical tourist-couple shit."

"I'll bring the camera."

"And I was hoping we could have dinner at that little place we love?"

"I wouldn't take you anywhere else," he mused.

"I think it's - FUCK!" Bucky froze when he heard the screeching of tires; a van coming up to a skidding halt, flurry of voices all yelling but he heard yours clearly. "No, no, no, hey, hey, what the hell's happening? Hey! What's this - hey, hey! Don't touch me! Ow, shit! No! Hey! Fuck's sake - oh, my God! Ow! Hey!"

"Baby!? Peach! Hey! The fuck's going on!?"

There was a thudding over the phone, and Bucky listened to more struggling - more fidgeting and fighting - and then the slamming of a car door. Still calling your name, Bucky heard a scrape over the line before a different voice answered your phone, "James Barnes. On behalf of HYDRA, you're overdue on your payment and we warned you there would be consequences. Deliver the full amount of 17 million - "

"It's 15," he growled.

"Two million more for the inconvenience of stalking your woman."

"If you even so much as touch her, I swear to God - "

"17 million at midnight, at the pier, or every minute you're late, she'll receive the brunt end of our frustration."

"Don't hurt her - "

"Midnight, Mr. Barnes, at the pier - you know where. Don't be late, she looks like she won't last long."

The line went dead after he heard your screech of pain, confusion, and fear. The moment the line cut, he dropped his phone and slowly lowered himself to sit on the kitchen floor, shock coloring his system. It wasn't that he didn't have the money, quite the opposite - but he and his men had a plan in motion to take out HYDRA, their org's competition, and this was totally against all they anticipated. After a minute to sit in his own worry, Bucky jumped to his feet, grabbed his phone, keys, wallet, and two handguns; holstering them both before shrugging his suit jacket on.

He made every phone call he could, gathering the men he trusted most to (one of) his warehouse(s).

For hours, you were strung up by your wrists in a joint-pulling position while the Brooklyn Mafia formulated a plan of attack. It was the most pain you've ever known, but then the abuse started and you were blinded by this new pain. You had bruises most places, cuts that wept blood; scars that would never heal, wounds that wouldn't ever close. You were delirious, miserable, confused, just dazed and confused; praying to a God who didn't listen.

"Oh, look at that," your captor mocked, holding a thick-bladed hunting knife in hand, "it's one minute til midnight, and I don't see your loverboy anywhere."

You sniffled, unable to respond.

He stared out the lone window, tisking and narrating, "Nope, I see not a soul - and with how protective he is over you, you'd think he'd want to ensure your safety. Not leave it to chance, huh?"

You whimpered as the clock struck midnight, your heart hammering in heavy-hung worry. You had tears in your eyes, heart nearly beating out of your chest, feeling incredibly nauseous. The desire to scream never lessened, just fearing what was to come; the men in the room making you fear for the state of your life, their knuckles cracking. You only begged, "Please. Don't."

The main captor laughed, "You can do better than that! C'mon, give me the satisfaction of tellin' ol' James you begged for mercy - but it wasn't enough to sway me. I'll lie, for sure, and say it happened but it will be so much sweeter if you actually do it."

"Please," you shook your head, avoiding eye contact. "Just don't do this, please."

"Oh, honey," he mocked, "it's not our fault he's late. Lads! Have at her, but leave her face for now - she's still real pretty."

You listened as he gave commands in Russian, understanding after the years at Bucky's side; whimpering when the first blow landed to your gut and knocked the wind out of you. The minutes drug by and you felt your resolve crumbling, heart still hammering to a never-before-felt speed that made it feel as if it were jumping out of your very body at every single pulse point. You struggled in your restraints, but it was futile by how tight you were bound; unable to protect yourself.

At 12:03 am, the doors blew open in a resounding blast; concrete crumbling and sprinkling the floor. You cried out as the smoke choked you, coughing through the haze; only barely able to make out certain figures to know Bucky had brought his best men. However, despite the sting to your eyes from the swirling dust and smoke, you saw a lone man stalk through the blasted wall, through the fray, and straight up to you.

"Bu-Bucky!" You choked in relief as he reached to untie your feet first. You dangled for only a moment as his metal prosthetic ripped off whatever held your wrists to the torture contraption. "Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Bucky, holy shit, baby, please, please, please," you rambled as he freed you and instantly caught you on his broad shoulders.

"I got you, Peach, I'm here, I've got you," he promised in your ear, hoisting your legs around his waist so they latched and then wrapping his arms around you securely. "Don't let go and don't look up, okay? Hear me, Peach?"

You nodded into his neck, only able to cry.

Bucky jolted and jerked slightly as he moved through the fight again, but not a minute later, you were stepping outside into the sobering, brisk spring air. This was the moment you understood how dangerous and fleeting life with Bucky could be, making a promise to yourself that if he says take the car, you'll take the fucking car.

And now, here you were, outside the high-rise apartment's lounge (which was just a converted bedroom), listening to your boyfriend complain about you some 2 months after the whole fiasco. HYDRA had been all but wiped out, and in the weeks since, Bucky's men had gone on smaller missions to eradicate the HYDRA members they heard rumor of being local. Yet you didn't feel safe, yet.

You didn't feel safe if you weren't around Bucky.

Everything made you jump: the beep of the done-dryer, that spritz of the automatic fragrance mister in the bathroom, the "duh-dunnn" of a loaded-up Netflix. Keys jingling, car horns, the barking of the dog in the apartment a floor below you... Everything.

Being around Bucky was just like holding a safety blanket. He would always protect you, and for about a week after your rescue, he laid in bed and around the home with you; being lazy; time off work to simply hold you and assure you were safe. Safe in his arms. Safe in his embrace, his presence.

So now... To hear this... You were devastated.

You didn't mean to eavesdrop, it just sort of happened. It was still earlier in the morning, but Bucky hadn't been in bed beside you and based on the feel of the sheets, his body hadn't been there in a while. So, you made some coffee and then ventured around the home in search of your lover; coming upon the lounge and hearing voices from within.

You knew it was common for Steve Rogers and / or Sam Wilson to stay late or visit early, so, you weren't shocked by that, but did falter in announcing yourself when you heard Sam ask how you were doing since the kidnapping. He used your name specifically, making Bucky sigh, and for your curiosity to peak.

"She's different, man."

"How so?" Sam wondered.

"She doesn't like being without me now," he chuckled without humor. "I'm serious, she won't go to the gym until I do, waits to have meals together, won't leave the house if I'm out, and," he scoffed to himself, "you can forget going to the grocery store or anything - she's even stopped going to work - "

"You told her to stop working, like, two years ago when y'all first moved-in together," Sam deadpanned.

"I know," Bucky shrugged, "but it feels tenfold now that she's so reclusive."

"It's normal," Steve sighed gently.

"Yeah? Is it normal that I can't even go take a shit without promising her I'll be right back?" Bucky snapped in exasperation. "It's that bad, she's that fucking clingy, man. I go in the kitchen to make dinner, she's in there 30 seconds later to 'help' me. I take a shower, she finds a reason to linger in the bedroom, but that was better than before, when she wouldn't even shower by herself. It's just a lot, she's everywhere I look. I'm starting to find new reasons not to come home, man, she's always fucking here - and when I walk in the door, she's on me. I need to fucking breathe, but I can't tell her to stop, she'll get her feelings hurt and then I'm the bad guy."

"Man," Steve laughed, "you can't be the bad guy if you go to her in a calm and collected manner, but it's only been two months. She's still recovering."

"Exactly why if I say anything, no matter how calm and collected, I'm the bad guy. I get she's hurting and tryna recover, but Goddamn, does she have to be in every room I'm in? Do everything with me? How do I tell my traumatized girlfriend to back off? Let me breathe?"

Sam laughed, "You don't! You just said it - she's traumatized! Cut the girl some slack, she's got a lot to fuckin' deal with!"

"I'm not negating from that fact," Bucky argued, "I'm just trying to say, the way she's clinging onto me like she can't function without me is just grating at my nerves. I just need to breathe and recharge, but I can't tell her that - fuck's sake."

"Buck," Steve smirked, "you're worried Peach isn't gonna listen, but that's her literal superpower. Just communicate, she can't read your mind, but you need to remember how traumatic all of that was for her to experience - she's scarred from that kidnapping, man. So, sure, you need to recharge, but she needs the support."

"Is it wrong to ask for a day here and there to do that? To recharge?" Bucky asked quietly.

"If you communicate, it's perfectly reasonable to ask for," Sam assured softly. "And whatever you do, don't tell her you think she's clingy. Chicks hate that, that word is, just, like, taboo or something. Real heavy, negative connotations."

"But she is," Bucky growled quietly, "'s like she's afraid to let go 'cause I'll disappear or something."

"Oh, noooo," Sam mocked, "I'm Bucky and my girlfriend loves me too much and trusts me too much and actually feels safe and dependent on me too much - ohhh noooo!"

There was a thump, Sam's cried, "Ow!", and Bucky telling him to shut up. You slowly backed away from the door, trying to settle your breathing as you made your escape down the hall. When back in the kitchen, you whimpered and let the first tears fall... The first of many you shed in the hour it took you to prepare breakfast for everyone; doing your best to eat as you cooked so you didn't have to linger around the men. You took Bucky's words to heart, and maybe you were too sensitive, maybe you should venture outside again.

So, when the lads came out, you set the table without making eye contact with any of them. "Here," you directed, setting the pancakes down, "I made breakfast, come eat, it's still hot."

"Wow," Sam smiled brightly, "thanks, Peach!"

You hummed, still avoiding their eyes as you just set the abundance of food to the table. "You... Cooked without me?" Bucky asked you with skepticism.

"Mhm," you hummed, setting the coffee pot down to a hot pad, "and I'm going out shopping with Nat, so, eat up, lads, I'll do the dishes when I get home. Love you, boys, bye," you waved them off, snatching your keys and then moving to the door to stuff your feet into your sneakers.

"Woah, woah, woah," Bucky left the table, approaching you urgently, "hey, what do you mean? You're goin' out?"

"Yep, figured I've stayed in too long, might as well get out and remember life doesn't stop just 'cause I'm sad."

"Peach - "

"I'll see you when I get home, Buck, okay?" You mumbled, slinging your purse on your shoulder.

"Well, here, here, hey, wait, hang on," he pulled his wallet out, handing you over a wad of big bills. "Spend it all, okay? Have fun, call or text if you need me, yeah?"

"Sure."

Bucky leaned in to kiss you but you just opened the door, ready to leave. He frowned, watching you, barely managing to call a quick, "Love you!"

You didn't return the sentiment, feeling hallow and all too silly to return the affection. In your purse was your laptop, headphones, chargers, and whatever else, so, instead of meeting your friend, Natasha - being just a ruse to avoid Bucky - you started small and just went to the local café. You used to frequent it back in the day, but times were changed, and yet, they were all the happier to serve you the same as before. Getting cozy in the corner, you set up camp and ordered your favorite coffee basically every other hour - letting the day waste away as you caught up on work emails.

Might've wasted time on Instagram and Facebook and Pinterest. Got shopping done on Amazon. Browsed through Target's online selection. Checked out the sale items at Kate Spade. Perused Fenty Lingerie because you could.

Before you knew it, a message was coming in over your MacBook from Bucky, asking where you were - why had you turned your location off?

You packed up and with a to-go cup, made the short trek back home. When you got back, Bucky was pacing in the living room; staring at his phone and typing, then deleting, retyping, groaning, glancing up, typing again, then doing a double take. "Where've you been, Peach? Huh!?" Bucky demanded. "You're late!"

"Out with Nat," you eased.

He huffed through his nose, nodding slowly, "You have a nice time?"

"It was okay," you answered. "I'm gonna go to bed after I shower."

His brows furrowed, "I have a meeting tonight."

"I know."

"O...kay?" He let you go, wanting to ask why you didn't ask him to join like you had so often in the past few weeks.

And it didn't stop there, in fact, it got worse. When Bucky got home from his meeting, he was actually shocked to see you nestled in the bed; teetering on the edge of the shared space while snuggling a weighted body pillow.

When he tried to give you a snuggle, you stirred to life and pushed him back, muttering, "Too hot."

The following morning, he was relatively surprised to see you up and about before him; barely getting a word in before you were slipping out the door to go on a morning jog. He was confused by how all of a sudden, where you were once everywhere he looked, now, you were disappeared and distant and gone. You worked out alone, cooked alone - but always left him a plate, but long gone were the cute little sticky notes you left for him. You once haunted the apartment by never wanting to leave, and now, ghosted in and out of it on a daily basis.

You never bothered to go far from home. You liked hanging at the coffee shop and luckily, your job let you work from home most days, and the rare time you were due back in the office, it was only about a 20 minute walk. You got better at lying, couldn't even remember the last time you and Bucky had sex, and even now, the last time you had a meal together. You didn't text him about your day; where you once might've told him about an adorable dog you saw on the street, now, you only ever texted him if he asked a direct question.

Food lost appeal, your appetite vanished.

Sleep evaded you, plaguing you with nightmares when you did rest.

Interest dulled, passions were snuffed, and only fearful, confused anger remained. It showed in the way weight seemed to shift around your body, thinning; the lack of sleep creating dark rings and bags under your bloodshot eyes.

After two weeks of this, Bucky grew irritated and short with everyone around him. It reflected in his work, the way he spoke to everyone; even Steve and Sam getting the brunt end of his anger. Without you to assure him, Bucky was off his rocker; losing his cool; his patience stretched far too thin. So much so, the two mates approached an outside associate, Natasha Romanoff, after a particularly snappy meeting to plead for her to talk to Bucky.

"James," Nat greeted as she strode into his office without knocking.

"I know you're my oldest friend, but you don't have that privilege yet," he mused, never looking up.

"What?"

"Not knocking. What is it, Nat?"

"Just came to check on you, you know, like friends do."

"Hm," he chuckled without humor, "and what did Peach say to you?"

"About...?"

"Me."

"Nothing, I haven't gotten ahold of her for weeks."

Bucky paused, slowly lifting his head in confusion; brows furrowed and mouth set in a firm, straight line. "What?" He grit.

"Huh?" Nat wondered.

"She's been telling me that she's hanging out with you for the past two weeks," he revealed.

"Nope, not since the incident with HYDRA."

Bucky's (right) flesh hand crushed the pen in his grip, taking a long breath. "All right," he sighed, "so, why come today?"

"What's really going on, Buck?" She worried softly. "Is it really whatever's going on with Peach? You're this pissed off? What'd she even do?"

"She just..." He cut himself off with a long sigh. "It's nothing."

"Bucky," Nat gave a pointed look.

"She's just avoiding me," he muttered. "It's like she's barely home, almost like a ghost."

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes, and no," Bucky snipped, rolling his neck out. "I'm just worried about her now, she's never not communicated before."

"Something's bothering her," Nat shrugged. "She probably needs you right now, Buck."

"I can't do it all," he whispered. "I can't be who she wants and run this organization at the same time."

"She doesn't need that, she just needs you to be her partner," Natasha spoke softly. "She needs to feel loved and supported, and surely, she maybe felt weird about whatever you were projecting. Instead of taking it out on your men," she smirked, "why don't you just talk to her? 'Cause I hear you're bein' a more-than-usual asshole lately. You need to ease up or get laid, 'cause you're taking it out on good, loyal men, and that's entirely unfair."

"They can take it."

"Sure, but they shouldn't have to," Nat rolled her eyes. "Look, since you won't answer me, I'm assuming the sour mood is in regard to whatever relationship issues you have right now?"

"Sure," he tossed the pen away, opened a skinny drawer to his right and select an identical one.

"Bucky," she growled.

He sighed, "She's lying to me, Nat. Saying she's with you when she's not... Is this an affair? She's gone all the time now."

"No way," Nat laughed. "Baby girl doesn't have the energy to entertain anyone - let alone two men. You're just the exception."

"Why lie, then?"

"Maybe she didn't want you questioning her..."

"No shit."

"Well, did you get into a fight?"

"No."

"Any reason she doesn't want to be home?"

He shook his head with a sigh, "Not that I know of."

"You had to do something."

"Honest, I haven't. She was being all clingy, but then one day, a switch flipped."

Nat frowned, "You think... Your girlfriend is being clingy... Because she was kidnapped and beaten up... Because of your fucking job... And is probably scared...out of...her mind...? I get that correct?"

Bucky paused for a long moment, muttering, "Oh, my God."

"Yeah, you asshole. Think of it that way! She's afraid!" Natasha snapped. "And probably picked up on your energy, so, she made herself scarce."

"I didn't mean - "

"I don't care, go home, apologize to that sweet angel - she doesn't deserve this."

Bucky paused, "What is 'this' exactly?"

"James. Focus on the present - your woman. Go make this right. We all know you're this big, bad dude - but it's okay to be a little sensitive towards the woman who loves you without condition!"

Bucky relented, figuring the redheaded Russian mobster was right.

The entire drive home, Bucky considered the ways you had changed in the few, short weeks since he vented to Sam and Steve about your clinginess. You didn't take meals with him, didn't cook, work-out, or do anything you used to do together. Sex? Forget it. Dates? Nope. Cuddling? No, you're always 'too hot'. And when he thought about it, he remembers seeing the wads of cash he'd leave for you stuffed in his sock drawer - surely trying to make him think it was just another emergency fund he had hidden. You never spent his money, feeling humiliated by his choice of words.

Clingy...

You didn't text or call him when he was gone, you hadn't even so much as kissed him in what felt like ages... Well, more like you hadn't initiated any kisses...

His heart weighed in his chest as he realized he hadn't even so much as hugged you in days. You were rarely in the apartment together, and when you were, you were just silent and busy with chores. It was as if you operated on the exact opposite schedule as he did, went to new extents to avoid him, and his heart clenched in his chest.

When he got home, you were caught cooking in the kitchen - being obvious that you weren't expecting him. The door slammed and his baritone voice snapped, "Peach!"

You gulped, holding the sauce-covered wooden spoon to your chest. When he rounded around the corner, he found you and slowed down, sighing in relief. "What's wrong?" You worried in a timid tone.

He panted lightly, relaying, "Needed to find you."

"I'm here."

"I know," he relented, charging up to you and engulfing you in a tight, heavy hug. "I needed to talk to you, Peach," he whispered.

"What's wrong?"

"You. You're what's wrong."

"What the fuck does that - "

"No, no," he pulled back to stare down at you fondly, "I don't mean it like that, just that... You're struggling. I can see that. But you're not alone, I'm here with you, and I got a little caught up in my head when I realized someone was so very dependent on me - it fucking scared me. But then... Then you just shut yourself off and hid away from me, and oh, my God, it's so much worse, baby. Don't do that," he breathed, "okay? Don't ever shut me out - don't stop loving me, don't stop talking to me, don't give up on us. I can't read your mind, you can't read mine, it's not an excuse - but we understand better when we trust each other enough to communicate what's required. I'm so sorry I got caught up in myself, I didn't know what you needed - but I'm here now, I'm here - I'm not leaving you."

You collapsed into his chest, taking a shuddering breath.

"Don't ever stop talking to me, Peach," Bucky whispered, kissing the top of your head; keeping you close. "I'm so sorry, baby, if I - "

"If?" You snapped, pulling back to glare at him through your tears. "I heard you, Bucky. I heard you talking to Sam and Steve, and about how clingy I am."

"I was wrong," he insisted. "I was overwhelmed and tired and just stretched thin, the easiest thing to do is attack those closest to me, and that's you. It's not right, it's the worst I could do to you after all you've been through, and I'm so sorry. I was wrong, you're not the person to take this out on - and I'm so sorry, Peach."

You sighed, "I don't mean to be... I don't mean to cling - "

"Nah," he chuckled, caressing your cheek, "you cling as much as you want. Cling as tight as you want, baby, don't let me go. I'm sorry for what I said and the way it made you feel, it was wrong - so fucking wrong of me, and I see that. When you pulled away from me, I just... I couldn't think. It felt so wrong, and I knew it was my fault." He took your face in both palms, promising, "I'm so sorry, Peach."

You shrugged meekly, "It's okay."

"It's not."

"No, but apologizing is a step in the right direction."

He nodded, "What else can I do?"

"Nothing - "

"Peach."

You paused to think, smiling shyly, "Movie night?"

"Whatever my pretty girl wants," he nodded.

"Hmm... Get a bath with me?"

"All right... Sure, okay..."

"And face masks."

He sighed, "Okay."

"And mani-pedis."

"Baby."

"You said you were making it up to me, right?"

He smirked, "That's right... All right, yeah, sure, fine, we can..." He sighed again, "We can do all that, Peach, whatever you want."

"I just want you," you told him softly. "I didn't mean to be so clingy. I was just afraid... I felt afraid everyday, just so very unsure in this life. You're the only thing that makes sense to me, Buck, and when I heard you, I just... I guess I realized how dependent I'd been and wanted to give you space. Last thing I want is to smother you, to drive you away from me."

"Not ever gonna happen," he promised softly. "I just didn't handle it like I should've. I'm sorry, Peach, but I'm here now - for whatever you need. Want me to take a few days off, just be together? I'll arrange it. Want to get away for a bit? We can go."

"I just need you," you whispered. "Only you and I should be okay - I can be okay if I have you, but feeling like I lost you? Even a fraction? Buck... James, it was such a harrowing feeling, I wasn't sure what to do to move forward. So, I think I just panicked, shut down; thought if I could just get back to normal, you'd love me again..."

"I never stopped loving you," he swore, "I just had a bad lapse in my own judgement. Nothing against you, baby. Nothing."

You nodded again, letting him tuck you into his chest; perfectly snug under his chin as he coiled his arms around you. He let out a long sigh, his guilt swelling to new heights, but for that present moment, everything seemed okay.

Felt okay.

Appeared okay.

And you'd both do whatever it took to remain as okay as you possibly could.

requesting rules and masterlist

Marvel masterlist

Clingy Baby collection masterlist

[comicaurora]

Hey, sorry if you’ve been asked this before, but I have ADHD and I’ve been following your comic for years and just now have started to write my own comic (partially because you really inspired me). But I’m really struggling with staying on the project even when it’s boring and getting myself to work on it in the first place. Do you have any tips on how to keep your brain invested or just to make yourself do the work at all?

I have excellent news, I literally just figured out something really important about this.

So when you're an ADHD kiddo or otherwise have difficulty staying on task in a structured environment where Task is the Priority, the main way people try to MAKE you stay on task is by removing your access to anything that is not The Task. No phone, no TV, no doodling, no going outside, etc. In practice, this just makes us miserable because it takes the boredom that's always simmering around a 2 or 3 and cranks it all the way up to 11. In the same way that you would have difficulty staying on task if you were in physical pain, this crushing existential monotony makes it very difficult to work. The work might get done simply because you have no other options, but it will not be done quickly or well, and it will take a while to recover from how much it hurt.

What I realized earlier this week is I caught myself doing this to myself. I had 42 pages of background colors to do, and I thought to myself "this sounds really tedious, but I suppose I have nothing better I can do." And I realized what I'd just thought, and got very alarmed.

Because back when I was an ADHD kiddo imprisoned by school scheduling and a million little factors that keep children immobile and restrained, I couldn't stop thinking about how big and exciting the world was, and how much I wanted to be anywhere but here. When I was feeling really crushed in I'd pick a random spot on the maps on my wall and just imagine being there instead of my bedroom. This was the impetus behind almost all of my creative energy. I've said it before - anything is a prison if you can't leave, and being in a prison makes it easy to imagine how amazing things could be outside of it. Aurora's initial worldbuilding was forged in the crucible of fifth grade misery. My enthusiasm for art and my creative drive are inextricable from my sense of wonder and yearning for excitement in the real world. Not escapism, but appreciation. Wonders unimaginable are out there, and I gain just as much joy seeking them out as I do conjuring them up in my head and sharing them with all of you.

So now that I'm a grown-up with actual freedom in every way I've been able to get, the idea that I was staying on task by making myself believe the world was small and not worth seeing was extremely alarming. It could keep me on task for an afternoon, but at the cost of slowly extinguishing the thing that made me want to make art in the first place - the hunger to experience and draw inspiration from all the myriad complexities in the world.

So what I've been doing is I've been purposefully and intentionally taking excursions whenever I catch myself thinking "I could take a break but it wouldn't be worth it, it's the same outdoors as always, I'll be uncomfy and unproductive and tired." Because that is never true. Every time I've put down the stylus and gone out, I've been renewed in one way or another, and when I come back to comfort fully recharged I get a lot of shit done. Because it is easier to work on anything if you remember why you wanted to make it in the first place, and it is self-defeating misery to just lock yourself in with it and tell yourself you're a bad person if you can't get it done.

I honestly don't know how widely applicable this is. I have worse wanderlust than anyone I know, so for me this has always been modeled as imprisonment vs freedom. I've also been extremely lucky to find myself in a profession that lets me set my own pace on literally everything I do. But I genuinely believe that when it comes to making art with ADHD, you need to give yourself freedom to move laterally, not just in the direction of obvious forward progress. We don't think linearly in any other part of our lives - art is no different.

[daycourtofficial]

Come back, be here

Azriel x reader

Summary: It’s the anniversary of your mating bond ceremony and despite his reassurances, Azriel is nowhere to be seen.

Author’s note: this is the end of my 1k celebration and ironically the first fic I finished for this week. I hope you guys enjoyed reading these fics as much as I enjoyed writing them

Word count: 2k

(1k celebration masterlist 🍾)

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Every second you sat in your kitchen felt like an eternity, the fabric of the dress you’re wearing growing heavier with each tick of the clock.

You had bought the clock for your mate for your mating anniversary years ago. A rare antique that you knew he would love - thousands of years old, and you got it for an absurdly low price due to the condition it was in.

You spent months with a restoration expert, cleaning the clock, repairing pieces as you dismantled it. It was a labor of love, one you thought Azriel was deserving of.

The months spent restoring it were nothing compared to the time you’ve been sitting here.

Now you sit, practically taunted by its song. Tonight was supposed to be about the two of you. Objectively five years in a mateship isn’t a long time, a blip in the lives of fae, and yet the both of you were looking forward to the evening.

Despite his intimidating demeanor, Azriel was meticulous about celebrating your anniversaries, oftentimes mentioning an event you didn’t realize he knew the date of. You imagined he had an internal index of the days you two spent together.

“I waited five hundred years to meet you,” he had told you when he wanted to take you out to celebrate the anniversary of your first date, “I want to remember everything we do together. I want to celebrate us every day that I can.”

His words were incredibly sweet, but sitting in the cold kitchen, the tempting aromas of the meal you made long gone, you wonder just how much of it was words.

He waited 500 years for you, and you waited several hours before packing up the dinner you had made for him, tears running down your face as you packaged it all up.

Perhaps his overeager celebration of anniversaries led to the intensity of the sting you feel deep in your chest.

The clock chimes twelve times - he’s four hours late and your anniversary is officially over. You have no indication from the bond what he’s doing, it’s golden hum having gone silent hours ago.

You blow out the candles littering the house, taking off the ridiculous party hat you were wearing and throwing it on the ground.

It feels silly, the brightly colored hat with a pompon on top. It’s bright demeanor heavily contrasting the loneliness you feel inside. You sigh, looking around the downstairs of your home, deciding to leave the rose petals you had scattered so perhaps he’ll feel at least a little guilty when he came home.

Whenever that would be.

Trudging up the stairs, each step growing heavier, you wonder what could have kept him away. Rhys certainly wouldn’t have asked him to go away - Azriel had mentioned earlier in the week he’d be unavailable for a few days to celebrate.

Besides, Rhys knew how anal Azriel was about your anniversaries, and Feyre would chew him out if he forced Azriel to do anything on a day as important as your mating ceremony anniversary.

He had left this morning, promising you he’d be home at 8 because he had some tasks to do. You knew he was going to help one of your neighbors with a fallen tree, something that had to be done as soon as possible.

You move silently, going through your nightly ritual, an early end to the night you didn’t see coming. You pull back the covers on your bed, slipping into its cold grasp, ready to cry yourself to sleep, when you hear the door open downstairs.

You can hear Azriel moving through the house, a swiftness to his step as you hear him climbing the stairs quickly, taking them two at a time.

You make your way to your shared bedroom door, that you had locked upon entering, and lean against it, unsure if you’re ready for his excuses.

He tries the handle, then begins knocking.

“Baby, baby please be awake.” He pauses for a moment, listening. “I’m so sorry, baby please I know you’re awake I can hear you breathing.”

One of his shadows snakes underneath your door, checking you over to see how you are. It lingers on your cheeks, tear tracks still fresh. The shadow doesn’t return to it’s master, instead opting to stay with you, providing you company.

“Please, baby, I lost track of time. I was working on a surprise for you and I fell asleep. Baby I’m-“

You push off the door and turn to crack open the door, taking in the sight of your mate. Despite your annoyance, the bond made it practically impossible to want to avoid him. Every piece of you begged to be near him, to open the door further letting him in.

“You were working on a surprise?” Your voice cracks from all the crying, and he doesn’t mention how his heart cracks in response.

He nods gently, his hair sticking up everywhere from his hands having ran through it, and likely also from the flight home.

You’re still upset, but the frost you feel starts thawing. You can make him grovel a bit, and you’re about to open the door more, when the smell hits you.

Elain.

He showed up late to your date for your mating anniversary with some lame excuse about falling asleep because he had spent the day with Elain.

Elain, who was mated to Lucien, but made her affections for your mate abundantly clear before your mateship. As far as you had known, Azriel had shut down her affections when the bond snapped for you both, but now you’re reconsidering everything that you know.

Had they been sneaking around? Is this the first time? Does Lucien know?

The questions swirl in your mind, and Azriel puts his foot in the door begore you can slam it on him, your emotions swirling inside of his chest.

“Baby-“

“You spent the day with Elain?” You spat, “you were late because of Elain? You reek of her, Az!”

You push against the door, trying to shut him out, but he doesn’t budge, he won’t pull his foot out of the way, no matter how much it hurts.

“Baby, no let me explain-“

You laugh, “what’s there to explain? You are covered in her scent.”

The tears start pouring again, and the shadow starts wiping them up, more of them coming through the door to console you.

He starts panicking. Things with Elain have been great the past few years - her distance from Azriel allowing any lingering feelings of lust or awkwardness to dissipate, allowing the two of them to have a cordial friendship. Despite this, he was aware of how insecure you were around her.

You could never grasp why he’d want to be with you when he could have been with her.

Panic laces his tone as he tells you, “baby, no, I went to Elain’s to bake you a cake! We’ve been working all week on a recipe for you!”

You stop pushing so hard against the door, your movements stilling. An invitation for him to continue talking, but to stay where he was and not try to come in further.

“We spent the day baking you a cake. I laid down on her couch, and you know how damning that thing is. Lucien was there all day. I fell asleep waiting for the cake to cool so I could frost it. They must have left because-“

He pauses, his words rushing from his mouth, afraid you’d shut him out before they made their way to you. “I-they had me promise not to tell anyone, but Elain’s pregnant and they left for an appointment with Madja. They got back not too long ago, waking me up. I came straight here, forgetting the cake and your gifts.”

You lift your eyes to look at him for the first time and you know he’s telling you the truth.

“Gifts? Plural?”

A laugh breaks out from him, your obvious attempt to diffuse the situation. He pushes his hair back with a hand, and you finally take in how messy it was. He clearly had rushed over here, if it’s wind-blown look was anything to go off of. “I got you these incredible books that I spent ages tracking down. I was in Day earlier this week to pick them up.”

You perk up at that, “but you hate going to Day alone because Helion begs you to-“

“Then I had to stop by the jeweler’s.”

You perk up at that, your love of jewelry rivaling Amren’s.

“The jeweler’s?”

He smiles faintly, hoping he’s slowly convincing you to let him in.

“I had Winston take part of one of my siphons to make you a necklace.”

You still at that.

“Your- your siphon?”

He smiles softly, “yeah, I’ve been talking with him for years on how to best remove a piece to make you a matching necklace.”

You narrow your eyes, “years?”

“Yes, my love. We’ve gone through probably dozens of unused syphons to figure out the best method, he finally figured it out a few months ago.”

His hand taps his chest, where one of his siphons usually sits.

“I had a bit chiseled off of the one that stays on my chest.”

Your resolve crumbles, seinging open the door and launching yourself into his arms. He holds you tightly, and the two of you just stand there, enjoying the embrace.

The clock chines downstairs, but this time it’s tune is one of love, not dread.

You smelled him again, and as prominent as Elain’s scent was, you also picked up strong hints of Lucien and a soft, delicate scent.

“So nothing happened?”

“Nothing happened. And nothing ever will happen.”

Your eyes are lined with tears, pulling back from him, you place your hands on his face, bringing his face level with yours.

“If anything did happen, or ever happens, I’ll skin you alive.”

“My love, I think if I were to ever do anything to break your heart, Nesta would put my heart on a platter.”

You giggle, and he hums out, “actually I’m not sure who’d get to me first - Cassian or Nesta.”

Your soft giggles soothe the erratic beating of Azriel’s heart, “Gwyn and Emerie might take a chunk out too.”

He pushes the strands of hair away from your face, guiding the two of you further into the toom so he can shut the door.

“Let’s assume that if I did anything to hurt you, there would be a long line of fae coming to hunt me down.”

He kisses you, quickly pecking your lips several times as he guided you backwards until your knees hit your bed.

“However I did leave my mate all alone on our anniversary.”

He crawls on top of you, kissing your neck as you close your eyes at the contact, “and I am very good at groveling.”

[fayes-fics]

Awakening

Pairing: Anthony Bridgerton x fem!reader

Summary: You experience an awakening a few days into your arranged marriage with the Viscount.

Warnings: 18+ smut, minors DNI, female masturbation, slightly dom/sub (use of little one/my lord), innocence, corruption kink, vaginal fingering, oral sex (m to f).

Word Count: 3.4k

Authors Note: Unbetaed. Request fill for Anon, HERE, about Anthony being arranged married to an innocent reader. Sorry it's taken me so long to write this, Nonny, but I hope you still enjoy it, even though I changed the parameters of the request slightly. Enjoy <3

Viscount Anthony Bridgerton is most perplexing. 

He is all at once both the best and the worst person you know. A providing husband, but an absent one. A polite, undisputable gentleman, but one who has barely said more than a handful of words to you, his supposed wife. An arrangement was brokered with your father, and now, merely weeks later, you are walking the halls of Aubrey Hall as the new Viscountess Bridgerton but barely feel as if you know your husband.

The night before your wedding, you had received a very vague talk from your mother about how you should expect your new husband to enter your bedchamber and perform his “spousal rights” and that, as his wife, you must allow whatever he decides to do. You still have no earthly idea what that might mean; your room has never once yet seen his presence—on that night or, indeed, any of the four nights since. Part of you worries you have somehow failed to be the wife he needs; part of you is relieved he has not done anything to you that you must endure in some way.  

There is one thing you are certain of, though. While Anthony may be distant, almost an absence from your life, always busy with some business or other, there is no doubt you find his countenance pleasing. He is so very dashing and handsome. Earlier today, he swept in from a hunt wearing very tight tan breeches, and the sight caused a funny, warm tingling low in your gut. Between your legs, really.  He nodded politely as he swept past you in the hallway, continuing his discussion with his brother as he did so. You twist to watch his retreating figure, wishing you could have the opportunity to speak with him, but the view of his shapely bottom in those tight trousers is at least partial compensation. 

So as you lay under the covers on your fifth night alone, your ladies' maids having brushed your hair and taken their leave, you sigh deeply and snuggle into the crispy white sheets. Your thoughts turn to your husband again and that outfit he was wearing. The way those trousers clung to him, the movement of muscle as he strode purposefully. And that sensation rears again—the pulsing between your legs. It seems like your body needs something, but you do not know what. Flushed for some reason, you push away the covers. Before you know it, curiosity has the better of you. While you replay the image of him walking in your mind, your legs fall apart, your hand reflexively falling between them to provide a remedy—almost like an itch you need to scratch.

Your fingers slide through folds of flesh there, and strangely, there is unfamiliar sticky dampness. When you pass your fingers over a particular spot where your two lips meet, you get a pleasurable spike that makes your mouth slack.

Oh.

Almost without meaning to, you keep touching that spot, a call and response that is impossible to resist. The more you rub right there, your body swelling slightly under your movements, the better you feel. A languid buzz in your brain that feels both stimulating and relaxing. When your husband's image pops into your head again, everything suddenly gets sharper and more urgent. And so you do. You think of him. His handsome face, the way his forearms flex when you sit across from him at dinner, and he eats with his sleeves rolled up and again those legs and bottom in those tight trousers. Tumbling images that speed up in your mind as your fingers do the same, powerless to resist. 

You are soon gasping and writhing, yet you do not stop; it feels too good. Something almost violent happens in your body, your lungs restricting, your brain buzzing, and suddenly, with a crest of physical delight, you are experiencing something completely novel. There is a squeezing, rippling inside, and you cry out as a remarkable ecstasy takes your body. When eventually the feeling subsides, you collapse back down, panting and bewildered; your whole body flushed, your fingers, still resting between your legs, wettened with a slick substance that could only have come from within you. 

Whatever just happened, it's nothing you have been told about before. Not fully understanding, all you know is you want to experience it again. It's addictive, powerful, and so very relaxing once over. You instantly fall into a deep, sated slumber and wake up the most refreshed you have felt in many months.

And so it becomes a habit. 

Whenever you feel the need and have a private moment, you retire to your room and touch your body until you feel that pinnacle—often thinking upon the Viscount as you do so. His name even falls from your lips, breathy, almost a tasty morsel, as you find your peak. It is no longer something you only do when you retire to bed for the night. You find yourself doing so any time of day, whenever the mood strikes you, an addictive, fun, illicit thrill. You wonder idly if such a thing is taboo, but you struggle to believe something that feels so good could ever be unacceptable behaviour as long as you are in private, alone.

One week after your wedding, on an uneventful afternoon, you put down your needlework and huff a sigh, your eyes drawn by movement outside. There, riding towards the house at speed across the lawn is Anthony. It's a sunny summer day; he wears only a shirt billowing in the breeze with sleeves pushed up around his elbows. And again, those tan breeches flexing around his legs as the horse gallops, him moving with the beast in a rhythmic motion. Time seems to stand still as you are inexorably drawn to the window to watch the sight coming closer and closer. The whole time your breath becomes more rapid, that telltale throbbing between your legs flares. You decide there is only one course of action.

When he veers off to the left towards the stables to the side of the house, you turn heel and run up the stairs. Keen to have that incredible high. This new, enthralling image will be the star of your thoughts this time. You pass his valet on the stairs and politely nod before scurrying and closing your bedroom door behind you.

You drop your underwear onto the floor, hitching up your dress and chemise around your hips as you throw yourself onto your bed, not even bothering to pull back the bedspread, so very keen to touch yourself.

It doesn't take much, that familiar slick already there, painting your fingers as you slide them against your nub, one hand reaching behind to grasp the headboard as you writhe on your fingers, all thoughts of Anthony and that repetitive bouncing motion of him upon his steed. So wrapped up in pleasure, his name on your lips, you do not hear the knob turning and the door opening.

“My valet told me you were here….” his loud baritone voice rings out around the room but grinds to a halt mid-sentence.

You squeal in surprise; the star of your fantasies standing right before you, skin sunkissed and his hair tousled from his ride, a look of utter shock painting his face.

Instinctively, you clamp your knees together and attempt to push down your dress, but it’s too little, too late. He has seen exactly what you were doing, and now he looks distressed, hIs breathing uneven.

“Did you…. Did you say my name?” The tone is not one you have heard from him before, rough but straining.

You sit up slightly and avert your gaze downwards, abashed he has interrupted your private moment.

“Yes,” you confess quietly.

He takes a hesitant step forward towards the bed and swallows heavily.

“You were touching yourself? And... and saying my name?” he looks almost winded.

“Yes,” again, it's soft, and you chew your lower lip, thinking perhaps you are about to be chastised. He certainly looks very… agitated.

“Do you know what you are doing to yourself?” he blurts out, a vein in his forehead prominent as he locks his jaw.

“Not really,” you admit, “only that when I think of you, I get an ache between my legs, and it feels wonderful when I touch it.”

He makes a strangled noise and closes his eyes, his head tipping back slightly.

“I… I did not expect to consummate yet,” he mutters heavily, “I thought I had more time.” He seems to be talking to himself as much as you.

“What does that mean? Consummate?” you inquire, your mother's words coming to the forefront. Perhaps this is what she was referring to.

“As your husband, I have perhaps been neglectful of my spousal duties,” he says slowly, his head tipping back down to look at you, his eyes intense.

“Duties?” you frown.

“What you were doing to yourself…” he begins, moving closer now so he stands by the bed, “it is because you desire me. I had not considered that may be the case.” He twists his mouth into a thoughtful pout, but you do not miss how he seems to stare at your breasts as they rise and fall inside your stays. “But now that I know it is true… it… changes things.”

“How?” you look up at him, wanting to understand.

A smirk tugs at the left corner of his mouth. “It means there are things I can teach you, things you should know that can happen between a man and a woman. Things you will find pleasurable, just like when you touch yourself. It is my responsibility, as your husband, to show you such things now.” His hand reaches out, and you inhale sharply as it lands upon your raised knee.

“You make it sound more like an obligation than something you want to do,” you respond, voice wavering at the distraction his hand is causing, the viscous throbbing between your legs even heavier now.

“Oh, nothing could be further from the truth; I want to, now that I know you desire it too.” His voice is a soft thrum that makes your nipples peak and a shiver run down your spine.

“Why have you not come to me before, husband?” it sounds breathy even to your ears.

“I thought you disliked me. That this was an arrangement you were enduring. That I should be polite and respectful. Keep my distance, at the least, until you adjust to your new life as Viscountess. Until an heir is needed. But now I know that is not the case…” 

His voice is a pleasant low rumble as his hand starts to move, slightly calloused fingertips skirting the soft skin of your inner thigh, your dress and chemise bunching around his toned forearm as he does so.

“What are you…?” your breath quickening now.

“Shhhh, Viscountess, let me help you,” he hushes, and you stare at him with wide eyes as his warm fingers reach your folds. He hisses at the heat and wetness he finds there. “Oh, you really do like me,” he purrs, and something in you makes you lean slowly back onto the padded plush headboard, unable to look away from his face.

“Yes…” you whimper as his thumb, much broader than yours, makes a sideways swipe over your swollen nub.

“How often?” he murmurs, shifting to take a seat on the bed next to you, his thumb never wavering in its slow, intoxicating rhythm,

“How often wh-what?” You stutter, rapidly losing the ability to form words as your body riots, grasping the bedspread on either side of you, scarcely believing how amazing it feels when someone else touches you, especially him.

“How often do you touch yourself and think of me?” his voice gravelly.

“Everyday… so-sometimes m-more than once,” you pant out, your lips tingling, holding his fiery gaze.

“Oh, you naughty little thing,” he growls, and it sets your face aflame. “Touching yourself multiple times a day and thinking of me. Do you reach a peak every time?”

“Y-yes, my lord….”

His eyes flash; he leans in closer so you can smell spiced cologne and traces of his natural body scent, heightened from his riding exertions.

“Please call me that when I'm touching you,” he asks, but it almost sounds like an order, one you are happy to obey.

“Yes, my lord,” you respond instantly.

“Good little one,” he compliments, and the praise makes something bloom inside you, an urgent want to please him.

He changes his thumb’s motion to a circular pattern and presses more insistently. You gasp loud, glancing down at the slight of his toned arm flexing as he moves, his fingers obscured by your dress rucked up around his wrist.

“Tell me, have you put your fingers inside yourself?” his tone still velvety.

“No? What do you mean? I just,” you pause to whimper, “do as you are right now.”

His face turns into a handsome smirk you can't look away from.

“Would you like to find out how it feels to have someone inside your body, little one?” The question is molten, and you swear your entire skin feels too heated and tight.

You just nod, snagging your lower lip with your tooth, and then your eyes bulge as a finger slips lower and presses into a fleshy barrier that resists his touch.

“I can feel you are still intact, a chaste maiden indeed,” he rumbles, and part of you wonders what that means, but you do not ask. “Luckily, there is just enough of an opening for me to do this…” 

You moan as a single finger pushes a fraction into your body, something completely novel and profound. You stare at him open-mouthed

“Oh, my dear little thing, I have barely even put the tip of my finger inside and look at you. Wait until it's my cock,” he warns darkly.

“Your what?” 

He grabs your hand off the bedding and guides it to the junction of his thighs. Something is hot and hard under there, and you cannot hide your shock even as your hand curls around it and squeezes instinctually.

He growls. “That’s it, feel it. My cock is going to go inside you, right here….” he lectures, and his finger that was teasing pushes deeper into your pussy, aided by the pool of wetness leaking from within.

Again you moan at the invasion, and he looks so proud, pumping the digit slowly as his thumb restarts its movements on your clit.

“Oh my god,” you exclaim in a harsh whisper, the feeling so utterly mindblowing.

“No, your lord,” he corrects, preening from what he can do to your body.

“My l-lord….” you amend stutteringly.

He nods his approval and leans over you, his breath warm on your face as he observes your expressions, gauging your response to each move he makes. It's so overwhelming that he is touching you inside and outside your body.

You are rapidly losing the ability to do anything besides make noises and chase sensation; your knees falling further apart, your hand still on his cock, pressing unconsciously with the same rhythm his fingers play your body. He glances down at his lap, his other hand moving from its grip on your wrist to cover yours, his hips tilting a fraction, pressing more insistently into your palm. 

“Would you like to come right now?” his breath almost as ragged as yours.

“W-what is that?” you stumble.

He huffs a bemused sound. “When you reach your peak, little one. It is called coming.”

“Yes, please, my lord,” you answer the instant you understand, spiralling fast now, your lungs heaving, your slit hot and slippery, where he teases you.

“Close your eyes,” he murmurs, and you obey instantly. 

He gently removes your hand from his cock, and his fingers slip out of your body. You sense movement on the bed, and he manhandles your feet outwards and upwards towards your hips. Cotton brushing the back of your thighs, and a wave of warm air across your inner thighs, so open and exposed now. A few seconds later, you feel something entirely new— a wet, hot, thick mass sliding through your folds unlike anything else. Your eyes fly open, and you startle to see that Anthony has crawled between your legs and his head is now buried at the apex of your thighs. Then you cry out as he does the same thing again, realising he is using his tongue.

“What the….?” you can't even complete the sentence.

“It is not just my fingers I can use, little one,” he tutors, his tone dusky, his breath hot on the patch of hair between your legs as he pulls up slightly to talk, his eyes burning into yours.

You watch, mesmerised, as he flattens his tongue wide and lowers his face to lick a long strip through your entire slit, morphing into a spear as he maps your clit, swirling around all sides. It's so intense your channel flutters, wishing his fingers were still inside you. 

“Yes, that is it, you like that, do you not? Come on,” he coaxes as he takes a deep breath, inhaling your body scent. The way he is handling you, so absorbed in you, a euphoric feeling burns behind your ribs at the idea he wants your pleasure.

He envelopes your clitoral hood and sucks hard. His eyes flashing with pride as he has to grab your hips and hold you down, your back arching off the bed, crying out without caring if anyone can hear. The way he growls as you do so tells you exactly how much he wants to hear it, his pride that he can do this to you.

Something primal washes over you as he bites gently on your swollen clit, holding it between his teeth as you feel two fingers at your entrance pushing in, making you cry as you stretch around him, your body accommodating them even as you feel so filled.

“Anthony… Anthony, my lord,” you chant repeatedly as he holds you down with one strong arm and rocks his fingers shallowly into your body, his tongue swirling. It’s a sight that you can’t look away from. His hips flex into the bed almost involuntarily, as if his cock needs friction, too.

You feel that tide rising somehow more potent when orchestrated by him, a white-hot burning where he plays you and a tension in all your muscles.

“Give it to me,” he snarls, muffled, feeling the ripples around your clit and pussy against his face and fingers.

He redoubles his efforts, almost mercilessly lashing you with his tongue, varying pressure and speed. Entirely without meaning to, your hands fly into his hair, loving the sensation of thick curls sinking between your fingers as you grasp his strands, making him cry out right into your body. And it’s precisely what you need.

Every fibre of your being held taut and shaking now snaps, the pressure inside you like a dam breaking, so much more intense than you have ever experienced from just your fingers. Something almost inexplicable, ephemeral, your body experiencing a hundred different things firing at once. Your world contracting and exploding. You can feel your own heartbeat in your extremities, a rush of blood in your ears, eyes screwed shut as you shudder under him, and yet he moves with you as your hips roll in waves, his mouth never leaving your body. You know you are leaking onto his face, your inside clenching powerfully around his fingers. Dimly, you are aware the noises you make are loud, but you find yourself unable to prevent it and don't even want to.

As you recover, he crawls over your prone body as you lay there panting, fundamentally changed in the sharing of this experience with him, of him to be the one to make your body reach its peak. A true awakening of your senses.

It’s then he kisses you for the first time since a cursory brush of lips at the altar on your wedding day. His face musky with your juices, his lips hot, soft and damp as they press to yours. This is so different to that kiss. It's lingering and hot, his lips plush on yours.

His handsome face breaks into a dazzling smile as he looms over you, the back of his hand gently brushing down your cheekbone as you stare up at him dazed, the taste of yourself seeping through your lips. “Rest for now, my dear wife.” His tone is softer now, the use of wife instead of little one making your breath catch.  “I shall return tonight, and you shall become a woman,” his voice laden with untold promise.

Anthony taglist: @makaylan @foreverlonginguniverse @iboopedyournose @colettebronte @aintnuthinbutahounddog @margofiore @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @crowleysqueenofhell @bridgertontess @queenofmean14 @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @benedictspaintbrush @sorryallonsy @lilithseve @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @elizah99 @fictionalmenloversblog @debheart @malpalgalz @amanda08319 @panhoeofmanyfandoms @delehosies @Mlovesbridgerton @m-rae23 @kmc1989 @desert-fern @corpseoftrees-queen @jeanfreau @magical-spit @bunnyweasley23

[peachpitfics]

Loml

Fandom: Bridgerton

Summary: You have been married six months, and it is fresh hell trying to conceive an heir with somebody you are repulsed by. Luckily, your old friend is willing to help you get through it while your husband is out of town.

Length: 2.6k

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader

Content Warnings: Infidelity/adultery, themes allude to SA with unwanted husband (not described or mentioned), cunnilingus, face sitting, oral sex (male & female receiving), penetrative sex, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, sex for the sake of breeding, breeding kink?, orgasm.

a/n: This is part ii of Wildest Dreams, requested by anon here! This turned out a little more angsty than I had planned!

Bridgerton master list (tag list)

Six months ago, your father inflicted the cruelest curse upon you when he married you off to his vilest friend, Lord Howard. Six months of marriage, six months of scheduled contact, attempting to make an heir. Agreeing to once per month, having to allow Lord Howard access to your body in order to do so, six attempts were far too many already.

As soon as Lord Howard informed you of his business travel plans, you began thinking about Benedict Bridgerton. Somebody you thought about relentlessly, however, in this case, you were hoping to hold him to a promise he had made you earlier in the year.

Immediately penning a letter addressed to him at Bridgerton House, with details regarding location, date and time. The staff had been quite loyal to you since moving into the grand house. Most of your time was spent in the country, avoiding your new husband – the service staff there thought you were a gift from heaven, far too good for the old codger, as they called him. They looked after you, and you ensured the same for them. They would keep your secret.

Benedict arrived by carriage a week later, the afternoon after your husband’s departure, having written to accept your invitation, but only to discuss what had been promised in the past. Benedict looked the same, but cleaner, his hair shorter. He looked grown up. He stepped from the carriage, baring in easeful smile, just for you.

“Lady Howard” He bowed properly, it felt like a jive.

You did not speak a word, jumping forward and into his arms, throwing yours around his neck. It was the first time you’d felt safe in months. Benedict’s eyes flicked between the housekeeper, the footman and you, desperately trying to understand if this was okay.

“They are my friends; they would never harm me. I know it is strange, but they really do help me keep my secrets” You tried to reassure Benedict, whispering in his ear.

“It is not strange, it is very country, I suppose,” His arms tightened around your back, lifting you off the ground slightly, “I have missed you. I did write” Benedict squeezed.

“I know,” You let him go, holding out a hand to walk him into the house, “I have your letters hidden in my dressing room. I do apologise for not replying” Ben took your hand and followed you into the house, leaving his luggage on the carriage for the staff to care for.

Benedict was amazed by the house, its long concrete walls and vaulted ceilings. It felt similar to a castle, empty and cold. After your evening meal, you took Benedict for a walk around the gardens. Two swings hung from the branch of a very old tree nearby, one of your favourite places to hide from Lord Howard.

“Where has he gone to?” Benedict asked, lighting a cigarette and passing it to you.

“France… I think. I was not paying very much attention when he was speaking. I was too focused on getting you here. I have been waiting for months, building rapport with the staff, friendships even. I just needed him to leave, so we could do this right” You stuttered, watching your feet dangle as you swung back and forth.

Benedict paused, taking the cigarette back and drawing in, “It has not been going well then?” The question was serious, but even he snorted when he got the words out.

“We have been intimate too many times already. I thought this was supposed to be easy. Women get pregnant all the time” You sighed.

“Yes, when they do not mean to of course. Also, you must account for your husbands age” Benedicts eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

“Please, do not call him that” You interrupted.

Benedict exhaled heavily, “That is who he is, y/n. He is your husband. If we do this, we commit infidelity. There are consequences for such acts, are you prepared to accept those consequences?” Benedict asked. You had not ever seen him quite this serious. It scared you, seeing what six months will change in a person.

“I am!” You said adamantly, one stiff nod of assurance. There was no way you could take any more of this. One child, that was all you needed, to make it all stop.

You reached over to Benedict’s swing, his sweet face resting on the rope, thumb caressing his cheek, “Will you be able to live with this? Your child, raised as another mans? Never being their father, or having a role in their lives?” You asked, hoping it was not too cold a question. Benedict pulled slightly away from your touch.

“That is what I wanted to speak to you about…” Benedict whispered, “I know that Lord Howard is your husband and that I am too late, y/n. I will give you a child, if I can. I will give you as many as you damn well want. But I must know that after Lord Howard has passed, you will come to me” Benedicts eyes were soft and glassy in the moonlight, the burning ember of the cigarette fading in his laxed hand.

“Benedict” You shook your head and closed your eyes. How could you make such a promise?

“I do not care if the old bastard lives another 20 years, y/n, I will wait. I will wait in torment for you. Even if I must spend the next decade in hell, learning to bend time, I will. And if we are only allowed a short time together, then so be it because whether it be 5 minutes or 50 years, it will still never be enough time. There is an inexhaustible amount of love for you in my heart. I did not recognize it before, I was selfish and hopeless. The two of you will come home to me, and we will be deliriously happy” Benedict dreamed aloud, starry eyed.

You sat in silence for a moment, looking at each other with tragic longing deep set in your eyes.

Benedict’s eyes cleared, his smile faded, “I know you love me” He breathed boldly.

You jaw clenched shut, your eyes closed over slowly, a single tear running down the far side of your face so Benedict could not see.

“I love you,” He howled toward the moon, “I loved you the moment I saw you. I have adored your passion and cherished your friendship, while cowering in the frozen solitude of my own mind. I have dreamt of you and our life together every day since your marriage date, stirring in agony, every night. Every time I close my eyes, the profound pit of blackness inside consumes me – until I wake again, then my existence is marred by its lack of yours. Your name haunts my tongue, its ineffable song too wistful a sound on my lips. I am left stumbling through life, scattered across the universe, searching for you” His once invincible foolhardiness nowhere to be seen. The peaceful eloquence of his voice so familiar to you, always a poet.

Standing from your swing, hand outstretched to Benedict, you tried to allow your eyes to do the speaking. His sad, desperate eyes, staring up at you in solemn hope, his hand bound for yours. You escorted him inside in silence, the air surrounding dense with disquiet. Leading Benedict into your bedroom, separate from the Master bedroom, you closed the door behind him.

Locking eyes in malicious yearning, your bodies came together, navels pressed, hands roaming across every inch of your torso. Benedict grasped the back of your neck, enchanted look in his eyes as he littered kisses along your jawline and down your throat. You breathed heavily under his lips, breasts heaving against his chest. Reaching around for the bows on your dress, undoing them as quickly as you could, desperate to shed your clothes for him, Benedict palmed at your breasts through your dress. He halted his movements when he noticed your hurry and began stripping himself down also.

“I have been thinking, of one thing in particular, all these months” Benedict panted, leading you over to your bed. You nodded, waiting for him to elaborate. Benedict laid, his back to the bed, your hands in his, guiding you over top of him. You hovered over his nude hips, he smiled cheekily, waving you up higher. You frowned down at him, completely confused by what he was asking. He tugged you upward, your knees resting either side of his head.

“You will have to trust me” He gave a soft, dreamy smile as you gave him a befuddled one back, bare behind resting on his chest. You pursed your lips, Benedicts hands digging into your hips pulling you down onto his face. His breath hot against your skin, his wet tongue sinking betwixt your folds, starting gently at your clit. You jerked in animated surprise, finding yourself lowering back down instinctively. Benedict’s hands kneaded your behind, rolling your hips down onto his tongue. You had done your darndest to replicate the way Benedict made you feel, to no avail, at a complete loss for how you would miss his devastating body.

Your fingers tangled into his hand, drinking in every tangible flick of his tongue against your clit. His lips pressed, sucked and kissed at you, pulling you further into his indulgent dreamland. Benedict’s big, blue eyes staring up at you, grinding down on his face, his premeditated attack on you began, wrapping his flexed arms around your thighs and holding you firmly in place. Blinding pleasure laved over you, your eyes uncontrollably clamping shut so hard you swore you saw every colour imaginable. Screaming Benedict’s name, his amused tongue swirling you to completion, you panted animalistically, unable to move.

“That was incredible. I do not believe I could have prepared myself for how much better that was going to be outside my dreams” Ben moaned into your pussy, lapping at your juices, drinking you in. You rested a moment, watching Benedicts crowning smile, his asinine eyes filled with everything else he wanted to do with you.

Freeing Benedict from beneath you he shuffled up the bed, resting upright against the grand wooden bedhead, his legs out in front of him.

“Shall we try?” Benedict asked delicately.

“Please” You whimpered, crawling to him, taking his cock in your hand.

You laid between his legs a moment, holding him in your hands, moving gently. Leaning forward to kiss his tip, your tongue flicked over his pink flesh, Benedict could not help but moan. Taking him into your mouth, you sunk down in long hot strides, pressing his cock to the back of your throat. His fingers wrapped into your hair, pulling you onto him further. Benedict relished your working on him, libidinous smile engraved on his face, pure bliss.

“I do not think that is how one makes a baby” Benedict chuffed, pulling you up quickly, forcing you to wrap your legs around him. Face to face, you grinned into his splendidly hot kisses, his hand slipping between the two of you to situate himself. You felt his tip nudging against your entrance, hard and waiting, slipping inside of you. You gasped loudly, burying your face into his neck as a biological urge forced you to bounce.

Benedict growled lowly into your ear as you moved into a groove together, slow and tedious in perpetual delight. Benedict placed his hand in the smallest of gaps between you, his thumb adjacent to your clitoris; every movement, sinking to his hilt, he brushed against you softly. You were not aware that it could happen more than once, your heart quickened aggressively, Benedict tongue descending into your mouth as you whimpered louder and louder. Nails embedded into Ben’s shoulders, blood nearly drawn, your eyes holding his gaze, sheer hunger lived in his eyes. Hunger for you. Your pussy began quivering around him, aching, throbbing, trying desperately to take in more of him. Excruciating pleasure erupted from you, grasping his cock hard from within, your legs shook as your wetness spread between the two of you. Benedict did not stop this time, taking his hands to your hips as you ceased moving, manipulating your movements, grunting into your neck. Every time he led you to release, he seemed to get harder, more attracted to you. You did your best to get deep breaths in, to bring yourself back to reality, his cock still pounding into you steadily made it difficult. His teeth edge to edge in painstaking need, his forceful hands and powerful thrust told you he was close.

“Please,” Your voice rang out, his eyes needy and frenzied, “Please, Benedict, put that baby in me!” You continued to beg, his ragged panting and dreary eye contact wavering as you took control of your body again, bouncing heartily onto his cock. Every muscle in his body seemed to tighten at the same time, his hands aggressively pressing you down, as he groaned and grunted fiercely. You squeezed him inside, gently rolling your hips forward, feeling his cock pulsate inside you.

Benedict’s head rested against the bed head, his breath uneven and heart throbbing in his chest. Attempting to get off him, to allow him room to breathe, Benedict stopped you. He blinked himself back to this plane of existence.

“No, it helps if we stay like this” He explained through puffs.

“Really?” You frowned, never having thought about it.

“Yes,” He nodded frantically, “If we stay like this, everything will stay inside” He explained. You hummed in agreement, thinking perhaps that was what you had been doing wrong. Whatever it was that you were doing wrong, you were glad for it. If this made you an adulterer, a traitor, a betrayer, you did not care. Not for this.

Your hands rest on Benedicts chest, fingers splayed in brown chest hair, your eyes lingering over his collar bones and shoulders.

“What are you doing?” He asked, feeling rather observed.

“Taking you in” You purred, taking mental pictures in case you never saw him again. Benedicts hand rose to your face, his thumb rolling over your bottom lip, sliding down your neck to lure you into his most romantic kiss yet. Moments later, Benedict allowed you to slide off him, laying you with your legs up parallel to the headboard. You wondered how many more times you would get to feel like this.

“Shall I leave in the morning?” Benedict asked, a tremble in his voice.

“Absolutely not!” You exclaimed, Benedict lying next to you, a huge grin on his face.

“I joke, my Lady” Benedict laughed as you shoved him gently.

“You will be staying the entire week. I will hold you prisoner if I must” You chortled.

“Excellent, better treatment than home I expect. I will take it” Benedict stretched, every strained muscle flexing in exhilarating sex appeal. “We need every opportunity if we’re to make this baby” He smiled, thrilled at the chance to say such things, hoping one day his babies would come home to him.

“That is not the only reason I want you to stay” You said mellifluously, your soft, thoughtful eyes inspecting his reactions. Benedict frowned placidly, unsuspecting of your joyful surrender.

“You are the love of my life, Benedict Bridgerton,” Tears welled grievously, guileless love calm in your smile, “We will be together. I will be your wife, and I will bring our children home to you”.

Benedict leaned forward, pressing his lips to yours, unhurried and glorious. Tears streamed down his face, amazed and implicit, his sureness of his love for you unwavering.

“How ever long it takes, whatever I must do, we will be together” Benedict smile was humble, but fearless.

--------------------------------------------

Tag list: @cringycat24 // @blckbarbiedoll // @freyagallileaevans // @junkie05 // @rosabeetroot // @flamewriterr // @marvelouslyme96 // @moreover-clover // @dollarstore-lydia-deetz // @newavenger // @lifealot // @rosie-posie08 // @saintmagx //

If you would like to be tagged in Bridgerton fanfiction written by me, please let me know!

[tulip-room]

༊*·˚Wanna Be Your BFੈ✩‧₊˚

syn. general boyfriend hcs

featuring: Oikawa, Semi, Sakusa, Kita, Ushijima, Kageyama, Osamu, Kuroo

a/n: this was supposed to be out months ago but someone...not to name names (AVE) didn't finish their half because it was too fluffy. So I just finished her half today <3 (love you Ave even if you can't write fluff /lh).

Oikawa

Meet Cute or Not So Meet Cute?  - how you meet

Would WANT a meet cute

Does not get one lol

His alarm hadn’t gone off that morning and he was not leaving his hair unstyled so he was late (yikes)

To make it worse it had started raining, like full on downpour, puddles in the street

And poor you, you were just minding your business when he absolutely RUNS you over

Oikawa didn’t think today could get any worse, it seems he was proven wrong. Not only was he late for practice, it was also raining hard. He grabbed his jacket since he didn’t want to bother with an umbrella and raced out the door of his home. He stupidly thought that would be the worst of his problems. In his rush he didn’t see you walking calmly on the street. 

Unlike Oikawa, you had the day off work and were fully intending on enjoying it even if it was awful weather. Unfortunately for you, your day out gets cut short as a stranger runs into you and your clothes get drenched as you fall in a puddle with a splash. Your umbrella is a few feet away from you, the stranger reaches down and grabs it for you as he puts it over your head again. It’s obvious that he’s sorry if the redness and grimace on his face have anything to say for it. 

“I’m so sorry,” he says and for a minute your brain freezes as you look up at him. The man is gorgeous and his voice is even nicer. “Here, if you give me your phone I’ll put my number in and I’ll make it up to you, yeah?” Even though he was in a rush earlier he doesn’t like the idea of running away after he caused you to be drenched. 

You hand him your phone and introduce yourself. “Y/N L/N, and I guess maybe a coffee would be acceptable,” you shrug. He shakes his head with a small smile and hands your phone back to you. 

“Toru Oikawa, and a coffee? That’s all? At least let me get you a new outfit to make up for the one I destroyed.” 

Somehow, someway you find him charming

He does in fact get you a new outfit despite your protests that it’s not necessary 

He is more late to practice because of it but he finds himself not caring

So while it might not be a meet cute, it wasn’t that bad of a day

First Date  - your first date

I’m gonna be so fr right now

He’s basic

You’re going for coffee the day after he meets you

I hc that he doesn’t like the big coffee chains, you know just cause

He takes you to a cozy coffee shop, he takes you to a local place

VIBES??? IMMACULATE. Literally everyone knows everyone and they’re already making his drink when he walks in

First Kiss - your first kiss

It’s after your third date before he even asks

He’s been thinking about it since he accidentally knocked you over (yes the other seijoh boys mocked him and continue to mock him for it)

He walks you to your door and does that cliche thing where you guys just hold hands and look at each other

You say you should probably go inside and he’s like “Can I kiss you?” 

You make him ask again before smiling and kissing him

He’s legit frozen after you walk inside and act like you didn’t just turn his world upside down

Jealous? - how they act when they’re jealous and if it’s easy for them to get jealous

Gets jealous so easy omg

The moment he catches a whiff of jealousy he’s attached to you

Full on arms around your waist and chin on your shoulder

Loudly introduces himself as your boyfriend 

When you get home he gets all pouty and demands that you pay attention to him

Cute Things They Do - just small things they do that are endearing

Before he serves he has to find you in the crowd and see your smile because it “Clears his head”

Random gifts, not even like expensive ones all the time

Could literally be a rock he thought you would like or a flower he saw in the yard

Food fights when you try baking together. Like flour gets everywhere

You guys clean up together though which ends in a water fight

Puts sunscreen on you without you asking, like you guys leave the house and he has to stop you and be like “Hold on.” And just sprays it on your face and stuff, gives you a kiss after. (this is added here because I love him and I’m still reeling from an awful sunburn because my friend did in fact not put sunscreen on my back)

Rotating lockscreen but it’s always a photo of you

Either by yourself or the two of you together

Rambles about you to anyone who will listen

Semi

Meet Cute or Not So Meet Cute?  - how you meet

MEET CUTE-ish

It happens after he performs for the night 

He just kinda wanders the bar he was playing at and when you come up to him telling him about how much you loved his song? 

He’s gone, whipped for you

So while you’re maybe a little more drunk than you should be he asks you to dance

Leaves with a new number in his phone and a smile on his face after he orders an uber for you

Semi wipes his face with a towel to get rid of the sweat from performing under the bright lights. He walks over to the bar to grab a drink, that’s when he catches a glimpse of probably the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. They’re smiling and dancing without a care in the world, the almost empty drink in their hand probably responsible. 

You set your drink on the table and that’s when you meet eyes with the cute musician that was performing earlier. Your friends tease you trying to push you towards him to get his number. And you do. You finish off your drink and head over to the man. “Wanna dance?” You all but yell over the loud atmosphere of the club. He nods with a smile and takes your hand. 

The two of you don’t talk, just dance, it’d be hard to hear over the crowd's cheers anyway. However, you both leave with a new number in your phones and wide smiles on your faces. 

“Text me when you get home, yeah?” Semi, you’ve learned, says as he leans on the door of the uber after making sure you get in. 

“Only if you text me when you get home,” you slur out. You were going to regret how much you drank in the morning but you supposed sober you would thank drunk you. Semi lets out a small laugh as he ruffles your hair and closes the door. 

First Date  - your first date

After a few weeks of texting each other you both have a free moment in your schedules

You had offhandedly mentioned wanting to play guitar, his eyes light up with an idea

Enter Semi proposing he teaches you how to play something, cause ya know…it’s a lot cheaper and it’ll be so much easier to learn with someone you already know

At the start he’s actual about it, has a chair set up across from him in his living room

Because you’re just not able to get one chord right though, he immediately asks if he can show you

You think he’ll take the guitar and show you. Wrong. He pats the couch and you sit in his lap as he puts his hands over yours and helps you press down on the right chords

First Kiss - your first kiss

He moves quick lol

It’s the same day as your first date

He makes dinner for the both of you after the whole guitar fiasco 

You kiss his cheek as a thank you

He teases you by being like “That’s all? Don’t you think I deserve more than a kiss on the cheek?” you know, not expecting you to actually do it

Another flustered boy after you kiss him 

Asks for another 

Jealous? - how they act when they’re jealous and if it’s easy for them to get jealous

Another one who gets jealous so easily

When someone tries to hit on you though he kind of just chuckles and laughs it off

He makes subtle insults until they get the hint to leave you alone lol

I don’t think he would be as pouty when you got home though, only a little and he would be holding you reminding you how much he loves you

Cute Things They Do - just small things they do that are endearing

Saves you a spot in the front row at all the shows you’re able to go to

When he makes a new album he dedicates a song to you that’s literally just your name and is all the things he loves about you

He lets you put your feet between his legs to warm them up 

When you hold hands he puts your hands in his jacket pocket so there’s less chance of you being separated

Impromptu serenading, just randomly starts singing to you

Wakes you up by pressing kisses all over your face

Does the “Y/N Loves me, they love me not” thing on flowers when he’s bored but gets so excited when it lands on the loves me. When it lands on love me not you have to kiss him and tell him not to listen to the stupid flower

Learns how to play your favorite songs and surprises you with them

Sakusa

Meet Cute or Not So Meet Cute? - how you meet

Not a Meet Cute but it’s not his fault

Really he only agreed because Atsumu said he would pay (yes, he lost a bet. Yes, Sakusa is there to collect his winnings and gloat)

He knew one day Atsumu exaggeratedly talking with his hands would lead to trouble

He was right

Here you come walking past the table in a nice white outfit and then suddenly there’s soda all over your pants

Atsumu is very sorry but Sakusa is more embarrassed, you? You laugh it off and say you were leaving anyways and it’ll wash right out

Today was, for all other purposes, a good day. Atsumu had made a foolish bet with Sakusa about who could score more service aces in a game. Sakusa won, by one which Atsumu definitely pouted about, which is why they were now sitting at Onigiri Miya. The loser had to buy the winner dinner, Sakusa really should’ve seen this accident coming from a mile away. Atsumu had lightly grazed his glass a few times while talking, very close to knocking it over more than once. And here comes a person dressed in all white.

One minute you’re saying goodbye to your friends and the next you’re covered in a drink. Both of the men at the table start rattling off apologies but you just laugh. “It’s fine, I was leaving anyway.” You wave them off.

“Still, I’m very sorry for his stupidity. I would say he’s not usually like this but I don't enjoy lying.” Sakusa cracks a small joke and is very pleased when you let out your own small laugh. He grabs his jacket from the chair beside him and hands it to you. “Here, use this to hide the stain.” 

After gratefully taking the jacket you give the man your number. “So you can get this back.” You wave goodbye to him and leave. Atsumu takes this perfect opportunity to tease Sakusa about giving his jacket to a stranger. To which Sakusa tells him to shut up.

First Date - your first date

I also want to say he would be a coffee dude but- I think he would be nicer about it

He takes you to a nice dinner

This isn’t your first time hanging out by any means, you two have definitely been talking for at least a month before he asks you out

He thought you were funny and before long got a little crush (just a little one/j)

First Kiss - your first kiss

After a game

The team had been teasing him not believing he actually got a partner so he was a bit frustrated

When he comes out of the locker room all showered and changed and sees you in your Sakusa fan gear he loses it

He just lifts your chin up and kisses you

A very simple “Cute.” as he grabs your hand and the two of you leave

Jealous? - how they act when they’re jealous and if it’s easy for them to get jealous

Another one to laugh and insult the person who’s making them jealous

He grabs your hand and just stares at them effectively scaring them off

When he doesn’t hold your hand he just kind of looms behind you which usually does the job

If they don’t get the hint he will just start pulling you away with like a “I’m their boyfriend, go be pathetic somewhere else.”

Cute Things They Do - just small things they do that are endearing

While I don’t think he’s big on PDA I think there are exceptions to the rule

I think when he’s anxious he holds your hand and gives it three squeezes to say he loves you

After games he always gives you a kiss

Didn’t understand the hype around having his partner in his clothes until you wear one of his jerseys to a game and all he can think about is how cute you look in it

KING of forehead kisses

Locks your pinkies together sometimes instead of holding your hand

Still makes you pinky promise when you guys make a deal or you promise something

Writes you little notes sometimes and puts them in the pocket of your work pants or jacket

Instead of goodbye kisses he gives you hello kisses when he gets home from practice or you get home from work

Whichever comes first

Kita

Meet Cute or Not So Meet Cute?  - how you meet

This man is literally perfect so yes

He deserves a meet cute as a treat (to me)

He just so happens to be in the same aisle as you and sees you struggling to get the last detergent from the top shelf

So being the perfect gentleman he is he gets it down for you

Luckily for both of you it’s not the last time you see him

During his bi-weekly trips to deliver rice to Onigiri Miya he sees you, helping Osamu 

You’re helping him with the deliveries since you’re new and that’s when you and Kita exchange numbers

Later he texts you and asks if you would like to go on a date with him <3 

Kita wasn’t meaning to go to the store today but he hadn’t realized he was out of detergent until he was about to go do laundry. So, here he was. He was trying to find his very specific brand of detergent, they had moved it when they last restocked much to his annoyance. That’s when he caught sight of a person glaring at a detergent on the top shelf. He went over and asked if he could help.

“Actually, if you could get that detergent down for me please. I swear it’s the only one that doesn’t make me break out.” You smile at the kind stranger. He smiles back and hands the detergent to you, grabbing one of his own. 

“I know what you mean, I think it’s because this is the only detergent my grandma used.” You both part ways thinking that would be the last you saw of each other. You were both pleasantly surprised when he showed up at your new job with his bi-weekly delivery. 

“Hey stranger,” you greet him and take the bag of rice from him.

“You two know each other?” Osamu asks.

“He was my hero and got laundry detergent down for me when I couldn’t reach it.” 

“Well, I guess you guys will see more of each other then. This is Kita, he was my captain from back when I played volleyball. He comes by to deliver rice every other week.” Osamu explains and shows you how to check off the sheet. He leaves to the front to take orders trusting Kita to help you move the remaining bags inside. 

“So, I’m Kita Shinsuke.” He holds out his hand.

“Y/N L/N,” you respond, holding out your own hand to shake. “I thought you were cute at the market so I guess it’s fate I saw you again. Sorry if this is bold but, can I get your number?”

“Of course, it’s funny you say that. I was just about to ask for your’s.” 

First Date - your first date

He would take you to a farmer’s market

Now, I know what you’re all going to say “Just because he’s a farmer doesn’t-” and let me stop you right there.

This is completely self-indulgent, I love farmer’s markets and like the outfits for summer go hard okay. He’s a man who actually knows what a sundress is and LIVES for seeing you in one

Also, getting strawberries or other food and asking the other if they want some only to just feed it to them instead of handing them the fork or berry.

First Kiss - your first kiss

You’ve been dating for a few months (he asked you out with flowers and a nice dinner after your 6th date)

You would have to initiate because I think he would be scared of overstepping

You fr get distracted by his lips whenever he talks

You guys go to each other’s houses when you’re free and want company

So as you’re about to leave, it’s only like 8 but you both have an early day, you ask

It’s after he puts your coat on you (fr living my dream) you nervously ask him for a kiss

This smug man just smiles with a chuckle and kisses you then pats your head and tells you that you should get home and to be safe

You know like he didn’t just smirk before kissing you 

Jealous? - how they act when they’re jealous and if it’s easy for them to get jealous

Most chill out of them

Literally just grabs your hand and introduces himself as your boyfriend

He’s a little insecure but when you look at him he is immediately fine again

Even makes a little joke about the situation like “You’re so pretty I don’t blame them.”

Cute Things They Do - just small things they do that are endearing

Sometimes he slips up and calls you his wife/husband and gets so red after

When you lay on him his hands make shapes on your back and he has you guess what he’s making

He sets his alarm for five minutes earlier than he needs to get up so he can hold you and look at you before he gets up

Never, and I do mean never leaves without kissing you goodbye. Even when he has to get up at like 4 for work, you’re still getting a kiss and getting tucked in

Likes to make you lunch and brings it to you

I think he stress bakes (me fr) so your house is always filled with baked goods (the twins highly appreciate you bringing them)

For team reunions they jokingly call you their parents

Orders for you, not in like a rude way obv but it just seems natural for him to (which means he memorizes your order at every restaurant/ coffee shop you guys go to)

Ushijima (Ave wrote the hcs for Ushi and Ushi only lol) @hiraethwa

Meet Cute or Not So Meet Cute?  - how you meet

Not so meet cute :’)

You literally run into him in the men’s bathroom at a bar after being ditched by your friend who got back with their toxic ex despite all the advice you gave them

Ended up talking his ear off about it

Listens to you intently, pointing out red flags about this guy

He didn’t mind though

Asks you out on a date at the end of the night

You would joke that your first date was at the shitty bar bonding over your friend’s toxic partners

Ushijima was washing his hands and about to dry them off when you walked into the bathroom. “This is the men’s restroom,” he says so simply. 

“Oh my…I’m so sorry. My friend literally ditched me and I think I’m a little too drunk to comprehend what’s going on right now. She got back with her ex despite me telling her how bad of an idea it was.” You start rambling. He nods his head as he dries his hand.

“Let’s go sit down.” He opens the door and leads you to a table where you continue to talk to him about the man in question.

“He always makes her pay for everything, I know this seems like a small thing but he drives off before he gets inside of her house. Like on their last date before they broke up he spent the whole time scrolling his phone and liking photos of models.”

“Sounds like he’s a real piece of work. I think it’s normal practice that whoever asks the person on the date is the one who pays. And while it may be small I believe it’s important to wait until someone is inside of their home safely before pulling away. And does that not count as cheating?” He pours some water into a cup and slides it to you. You mutter a small ‘thank you’ and drink some.

“In my head it counts as cheating. But apparently she thinks it’s fine. It just frustrates me because there’s this beautiful goddess of a woman and she’s dating…calling him a rat would be rude to rats.” He cracks a small smile at the joke.

When the night comes to an end you’re a little more sober but he still orders a cab for you. “Would you like to accompany me on a date?” 

“You mean this wasn’t a date?” You joke.

First Date  - your first date

Believes that enjoyment >> splurging on your first date

Brings you to a nice sushi restaurant that he has been to (he remembers you mentioned your obsession with sushi, yes)

“Why are you crying?” 

“This sake nigiri is too good, is it even real?” you hiccup, while savoring the taste of the salmon melting in your mouth

“I’m glad you like it.” 

Actively engages in conversation with you ^.^

THIS MAN WOULD WIPE OFF THE TINY DROPLET OF SHOYU ON THE CORNER OF YOUR LIPS

First Kiss - your first kiss

Despite what people may say about him, he is a romantic

He has read romance manga/novel or watched romance series (recommended by his best friend, of course)

It would happen on the second date after he drives you home

Literally happens like the k-dramas, I’m not even kidding 

Man would open your door, lean over you and unbuckle your seatbelt, offer you his hand to get out of the car (he is a gentleman through and through, what can i say??)

You stop at the front of your house/apartment, smiling up at Ushijima, eyes falling to his lips, thanking him for the great date he took you on

He just tucks the stubborn little fringe you have behind your ear, tips your chin up towards him and leaves a kiss on your lips

Bids you good night and makes sure you get into your house/apartment complex safely before leaving

Jealous? - how they act when they’re jealous and if it’s easy for them to get jealous

This man is so confident (in himself and your love for him)

He is unfazed by anyone trying to flirt with you

Would totally come over and put his hand on your waist

Just to mark his territory

(He is not jealous, guys)

Just territorial :)

Cute Things They Do - just small things they do that are endearing

Walks in front of you in crowds because his towering frame just makes the crowd separate for him, and also because he doesn’t want you to be squished by people

Would buy you your favorite dessert from the pastry shop on his way home from practice

Makes sure that you are sleeping well, have a glass of water next to you before bed

Obsessed with your hands, he would be holding them whenever he can. Both of you need to write for some reason? He can still hold your hand because he’s left handed, and you’re right-handed.

Would always finish the bento you pack for him because it’s filled with your love

Kisses you goodbye, every single time!! Even if you’re asleep, he would press a kiss to your forehead, careful to not disturb your sleep

Kageyama

Meet Cute or Not So Meet Cute?  - how you meet

Let’s be honest he doesn’t really go many places 

You meet him when he’s going on a run in the park and you fell over bcs you sprained your ankle

He helps you over to the bench and exchange numbers so he can’t check in on you

He def forgets he did this so when you interview him at his next game both of you get surprised 

Kageyama likes his routine of running before practice every morning. It’s a nice way to wake up because he’s not the most….happy person in the morning. It takes him a few laps of the park by his apartment before he sees you on the ground holding your ankle. He stops immediately and crouches down next to you. “Are you okay?”

“Does it look like I’m okay?” You snap as you hold your swelling ankle. “Sorry. It just hurts.” He nods in understanding and asks you to remove your hand so he can look at your ankle. He does a test to make sure it’s not broken and then helps you over to the bench. “Thank you. I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier.”

“It’s fine. Let me help you to the hospital.”

“It’s just a sprain, it's fine. I just need to go home and ice it.” He nods and pulls out his phone.

“Put your address in. I would like to make sure you reach home safely.” You nod and type your address into the phone. He helps you all the way home and exchanges numbers so he can make sure you’re okay later. 

Needless to say he forgets about the exchange until he sees you walking towards him after one of his matches. “How’s your ankle?”

“Fine now. So, a volleyball star huh? I thought I recognized you somewhere.” The interview goes well, and he makes sure to text you when he gets home and asks to go on a date the following Saturday. 

First Date  - your first date

Simple guy

Movies

Dinner beforehand 

Not a horror movie though, probably takes you to a romcom or smth and listens intently when you make fun of it the whole time

The minute goi try to get your card out to pay for anything he looks so confused omg

First Kiss - your first kiss

Nervous nervous nervous

Both of you are balls of anxiety

You two bumps noses a lot 

Very quick and then you both kind of look away like “so…yeah.” 

Jealous? - how they act when they’re jealous and if it’s easy for them to get jealous

Gets jealous so easily 

Omfg…this boy. Will just sit there with the biggest fricken pour on his face and pretend like that’s not what’s going on

Crosses his arms and taps his foot and everything 

Maybe a little silent treatment…just a little

“No, why don’t you go back to talking with that person. Since they were so interesting.”

Like bro…shut up and let us hold your hand and kiss you smh 

Cute Things They Do - just small things they do that are endearing

Gets lost looking at your face and when you question him about it he just goes “You’re pretty.” Like without so much as a flash of red across his face 

If you’re about to cross the road he grabs your hand and pulls you back before you cross bcs you don’t look both ways (bad Y/N)

If you stay up waiting for him to get back from an away game he carries you to the bed when you inevitably fall asleep

Has a photo of you in his wallet and when asked goes “Them? That’s my partner.” 

Not the biggest yapper but taps about you in interviews when given the chance

Osamu

Meet Cute or Not So Meet Cute?  - how you meet

MEET CUTE MEET CUTE MEET CUTE. 

Sorry- couldn’t help myself

He’s a vendor at a food festival you went to and you come back a solid THREE times to his booth

“Gonna see you again before I close? Startin to think you’re only here for me.” With the most teasing look on his face

You do come back before close and he writes a note for you on your receipt

Come visit the actual shop sometime and maybe I’ll give you my number -Osamu

Osamu almost laughs when he sees your face at his booth for the second time that night. “Couldn’t get enough?”

“Never.” You smile and order more food. He happily packs it up for you and makes small talk while someone else takes the orders. 

“Gonna see you again before I close? I’m startin’ to think you’re only here for me.” 

“And if I am?” You ask and take the bag from his hands. He stands there a little starstruck for a minute with a small smile on his face before he shakes his head and gets back to work.

You do end up coming back right as he’s about to close. “Mysterious customer. Lovely to have you again.”

“Lovely to see you again too.”

“Here for the food or me this time?”

“Maybe a little bit of both.” You smile and you hand him your card as he rings up an order for you to try. You’re the last person in line so he talks to you while he makes your food. 

“Well, I can’t say I’m disappointed.” He smiles and wraps your Onigiri up. He quickly writes something on your receipt before closing the window with a wink. 

‘Come visit the actual shop sometime and I’ll give you my number’ -Osamu

First Date  - your first date

Takes you to another street food festival. 

Like your favorite thing to do, the two of you just walk around and talk 

He will in fact not let you pay for anything (his poor wallet)

Tries to hold your hand when the two of you aren’t eating 

Gets a little upset he didn’t think to bring chairs or a blanket for you to sit down and listen to the live music so he runs to the store and gets a blanket

Proceeds to buy more food and the two of you sit and listen to the music while you eat 

Overall so soft <333 

First Kiss - your first kiss

You’re legit just leaving the store

Like you came in to talk to him during rush hour because you had a day off and you tell him you have to leave after he closes up

He just leans over and presses a kiss to your lips so casually and says bye and text him when you get home safe

You’re just like “bro wtf?” And make him kiss you again before you leave

He proceeds to go home and giggle about it to himself in his kitchen as he makes dinner 

Jealous? - how they act when they’re jealous and if it’s easy for them to get jealous

Yes.

Point blank. Jealous jealous man

Def silent treatment. Like petty man

“Osamu? You okay?” 

Turns away and ignores you 

Will make you kiss him like fifty times before he finally “forgives” you

You two talk about it later bcs healthy communication or wtv

Cute Things They Do - just small things they do that are endearing

Makes food for you (idc if this is overused. He’s a chef. As a culinary person. He makes you food). 

Asks your family/friends about your favorite dishes so he can make them

Learns your skincare routine and when you’re too tired does it for you and tucks you in

If it’s raining he’ll put his jacket over your head and run to the car with you 

If you’re feeling sad and won’t talk to him about it he kisses your face until you smile 

If you two have a silly fight he’ll put on sad breakup songs until you come talk to him

Kuroo

Meet Cute or Not So Meet Cute?  - how you meet

You meet him bcs he needs a fitting for a new suit

Neither of you get particularly flustered bcs you’re not used to this but he does think you’re very pretty

Refuses to ask you out at work bcs that’s just…ick. Like you’re fr stuck there so he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable 

You ask him out “I’m sorry, this is so unprofessional of me. Would you maybe want to go on a date sometime?”

So happy. Like the minute you’re out of sight he fist bumps the air and smiles so happily (yes ppl do look at him for a minute before continuing on with his day and no he does not feel shame about it).

Kuroo goes every few months to get a suit fitted. He has a vast collection now because of work but he likes to add new ones to his rotation. When you’re the one fitting his suit he notes how pretty you are but doesn’t mention anything. You are at work after all. 

The appointment goes by like all the other ones he’s been too. When you ring him out though he can see your eyes dart around the store. “I’m sorry, this is so unprofessional of me. Would you maybe like to go out sometime?” 

A wide smile breaks out across his face and he nods his head and tries to contain his excitement. “Yeah. I would love that. I was actually going to ask you but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable at work.” 

“Oh…most people wouldn’t have cared. That was nice.” You smile at him and hand him his receipt. “See you again when you come back for the suit then.”

“See ya.” He tries to act cool and nonchalant but when he reaches outside he throws his hand in the air with a smile. He gets some head turns but he doesn’t care. Little does he know you can still see him from the counter and are hiding a laugh behind your hand. 

First Date  - your first date

Realized he left without your number so when he comes back to pick up the suit asks if you want to go out that night (you agree bcs why not be spontaneous)

Doesn’t have any reservations anywhere so the two of you run around the city

You do like claw machines and eat from food trucks and stuff in your nice work clothes

Def gets upset when he can’t win any of the claw machine games

So you get him a plushie 

First Kiss - your first kiss

Ice cream (thank you Ave for not expanding on this in the slightest…I’m taking creative liberties)

You get some ice cream on your lip and he kisses it away

Realizes what he did and tries to play it off as “no big deal” but gets too flustered for that smh

“Kiss me properly if you’re going to kiss me.”

So you roll your eyes and kiss him

Jealous? - how they act when they’re jealous and if it’s easy for them to get jealous

I know we like to joke but I think he’s pretty chill

Just makes fun of the guy cause I mean…Kuroo is tall, handsome, successful, wealthy, fit. Like what’s this guy got?

Like comes up behind you and laughs at his attempts at flirting “Did you really expect to get them with that lame line?” 

“What are you like 5’ 7? And that’s me being generous.” 

“Aww that’s cute. Where did you get it? I think my grandma wanted something like it.”

LOWKEY TOXIC ASF.

Cute Things They Do - just small things they do that are endearing

Puts his hand over the corners of things when you bend down so you don’t hit your head

Does your hair every morning 

Kisses your wedding ring before he leaves “just a reminder that this is real. That you’re really mine.”

Only goes to you to get his suits fitted

Tries to match his tie to your outfit and his watch to your jewelry 

Has a plushie collection and gives you his favorite one 

On a similar note you guys get a Build A Bear together and make posts like it’s your child

taglist (open, send an ask): @akaakeis @hiraethwa

stay a while why don't you? check out my other stuff

[lyrefromthesea]

Hello! I was wondering if I could please request the Hashiras taking reader to a summer festival? I love a good fluffy seasonal scenario lol thank you🫶❤️ I love your writing style and can’t wait to see what you come up with!!

Hashira x Reader - Summer Festival

author's note: sadly i did not manage to imagine Shinobu in this scenario, for the sake of not misinterpreting her character, i decided to leave her out of my post. i apologize and hope you'll get to enjoy the other pillars.

pairing: Tengen x reader, Obanai x reader, Rengoku x reader, Sanemi x reader, Giyuu x reader, Gyomei x reader, Mitsuri x reader

content warning: none

Tengen:

you cocked your eyebrow at Tengen when he made a loud noise, imitating the sound of a buzzer telling you that you're in the wrong.

"what is it?" you ask, more than confused and mildly annoyed. he wore his hair down today, multiple pieces of jewelry making him stand out more than the other visitors.

"your outfit, it's good, but it could be better!" he claimed, pointing at the yukata you were wearing. you looked down at yourself, almost feeling a bit insulted by his words. it was rather simple, but you thought it would be enough.

"you need something more flashy!" he said, making you sigh. now you understood what he meant, his hands already on your shoulders, leading you to the next accessory stand.

"and what would that be?" you asked back, watching the people around you look confused by the man dragging you around.

"we need something showing off your beauty even more, beautiful." he deducted, stopping when you finally looked down on the beautiful jewelry.

this wasn't how you planned to start the festival, but you couldn't complain when he managed to fluster you once again.

Obanai:

"i'm sure we were supposed to meet here.." you mumbled, looking around the area. when Obanai invited you to the summer festival, he had explicitly asked for a spot without many people.

now you felt lost, you were sure he should've been here by now. it wasn't like he was late, but he usually came earlier than planned when you two wanted to meet somewhere.

before you could worry about his wellbeing, you saw something slither near your foot - Kaburamaru. the snake made it's way around your ankle, making you shiver.

"Obanai!" you scolded, looking around until your eyes stopped on a tree. you marched towards it, not surprised when you saw Obanai sitting on a thick branch.

"you could've said you were already here!" you said, watching him jump down the tree and land on his feet without much trouble.

"i'm sorry, i got distracted.." he admitted, your features slowly relaxing. he had been distracted? you found yourself asking him for more information. "for what?"

he looked at you, his eyes drifting to your outfit and then back to your face. his gaze softened, looking towards the festival's lights.

"nothing important.." if only you would've known he had been occupied watching your beautiful body, soft eyes trying to spot your lover.

Rengoku:

"excuse me?" another man said, his eyes fixed on you. naturally, you turned to face him, wondering if he needed help.

you had been walking through the crowds with Rengoku a moment prior, watching the different people interact with each other.

"i just wanted to say that your yukata fits you extremely well." the man said, almost appearing a bit bashful. and suddenly you weren't surprised anymore, realizing he didn't need help.

did it not look like Rengoku was your boyfriend? you wondered whether the man not knew or was bold enough to ask despite the obvious.

"you are right, my love is indeed beautiful in every way! it's not the festival alone, but every other day as well!" Rengoku answered, as if he didn't realize what kind of situation this was.

the man's face fell, realizing he had probably made a mistake by approaching you - at least while Rengoku was near. he soon turned away with a grumble, leaving the two of you alone.

"what a nice man!" Rengoku concluded, making you chuckle, looking away from him.

he really didn't know what the man's goal was. however, that somehow made Rengoku's compliment even sweeter.

Sanemi:

you were walking past the different stands with Sanemi, chatting about random topics that came to your mind, when he turned away from you, seemingly having spotted something interesting.

"wait here." he said, marching off before you even managed to ask what happened. you tried looking over the crowd, wondering where he had wandered off to.

not able to see him, you decided to do as he said, patiently waiting for him to return, yet you wondered what must've happened.

you didn't expect him to come back with something in hand, almost looking a bit flustered now. he moved past the crowd until he finally stood next to you again.

"i remembered you like them." he told you, extending his hand. you looked at the cut pieces of watermelon in his hand, neatly placed on a small rectangular plate.

he had gone out of his way to buy something you like from one of the booths.

"Sanemi.." you mumbled, slowly taking the plate out of his hand. your eyes stayed on the watermelon for a moment, glancing at him when you managed to answer.

"let's search for a nice spot and eat them there." you said, smiling at him in content. he nodded silently, wrapping an arm around your waist as you walked off.

Giyuu:

"damn it..!" you complained, seeing the small plastic fish fall off your miniature fishing rod. you gave up the small festival game, standing up again.

Giyuu looked at your sulking form, his eyes glancing at the prize sat in the festival booth. you had looked really happy when you saw it earlier, it hurt him to see that you weren't able to win it.

"let me try." he quietly said, giving the salesman another 500 yen. neither you nor the salesman would've expected Giyuu to be so good at the game though.

"you can stop now!" the man whined, seeing Giyuu get the last fish. there had probably been a dozen in total, but he didn't mess up once.

Giyuu looked at the man, standing up from his kneeling position to claim his reward. "my prize?"

"you can have it.." the man sobbed, handing Giyuu the prize you had grown so fond of earlier. without another word, Giyuu turned around to hand you the small gift.

"for you." he merely said, putting the small object into your hands. you awed at his actions, immediately throwing yourself against him.

"thank you, Giyuu!" you cheered, watching him hold you in surprise. he couldn't possibly ignore the little things that made you happy when he was rewarded with this kind of reaction.

Gyomei:

"are you sure? i'm not good with words." you told him, looking down at your hands. the two of you sat on the meadow, other couples sitting in the distance.

"you'll do good." he answered, placing a supporting hand on top of yours. you silently nodded, his encouragement always working wonders on you.

when you watched the first firework shooting into the air, exploding with a loud bang, you stared in fascination, eventually shaking your head to snap out of it.

you thought of a fitting way to describe it, knowing that colors wouldn't do for him. you decided to try a different approach, looking at the man you adored.

"it looked exactly the way a summer breeze felt. warm and somehow familiar." you told him, watching his lips pull up into a smile. you felt your heart beat harder than before.

you would've liked to comment on it, but the next firework was too fast for you. you watched the sky light up in a refreshing green color, feeling Gyomei scoot closer.

"and this one?"

Mitsuri:

"the sakura mochi here is so good!" Mitsuri cheered, pushing another one of the treats past her lips. she munched on the sweet food, swallowing it down in satisfaction.

you chuckled at her words and actions, taking one of the mochis and biting into it. "it is, the flavor is really good."

"another bowl please!" Mitsuri called out, turning your head to see the chef nod at the two of you. she had even stood up, waving her arm at the woman making her favorite food.

you looked at Mitsuri's clothes, the pink cloth she was wearing matching her hair and the sakura mochi perfectly. somehow she was fitting for this place.

you placed the empty bowl of sakura mochi on the other bowls, watching the stack grow. she had already eaten 7 bowls, but you guessed she was long from finished.

you two chatted as the chef brought you another portion, smiling at the two of you and walking away again.

"i'm full, you can eat that portion alone." you answered, a small smile on your face. Mitsuri looked surpised, putting the treat down again.

"we can go too, i don't mind..!" she said, wanting to show you that she wouldn't keep you here. you could only laugh in response, shaking your head.

"i really don't mind either, if you want, we can even get you another bowl." you answered, watching her eyes light up. a bright smile formed on her face, nodding in agreement.

you smiled back, after all, the festival felt better this way.

[soaps-mohawk]

I'm going to be honest

I'm having a genuinely hard time making this post. I've been fighting with it for a couple weeks now, but I think it's time I finally make it.

I'm not having fun on this blog anymore.

It sounds bad, but honestly, it kind of is.

I think a lot of it started from the very beginning with the precedence and expectations I put on myself. I've always tried to respond to every comment I get. Even from the beginning. It's just a polite thing to do since those who leave comments took the time to write out what they think of my fic, even if it's just a keysmash. I've always felt the need to thank those who leave comments or reblog my writing or (now that tumblr has it) replied to my fics. It worked fine before because none of my fics were particularly popular. Even my most popular fic (at that time) didn't get as much attention as CRCB has. I've never had a "big blog" before, nor a fic as popular as CRCB has gotten.

It was fine at first, responding to everyone, engaging with everyone. I was riding that high of omg so many people are reading and enjoying my fic! I've never had anything quite like this before.

Now...it just feels more like a chore. I set this precedence on this blog that I respond to everyone and I know a lot of people have said that they're surprised I responded to them and to everyone, and now I'm getting why a lot of writers don't. I'm exhausted. I feel like I've just been robotically saying the same thing over and over trying to respond to people now. I used to love seeing asks in my inbox and reblogs and replies but now? All I feel is dread because I have to respond to all of those.

Turning anon off was a big help. It lessened the sheer volume of asks I was getting a day. And while I do feel bad for all of my anons who prefer to stay anons, with everything that happened (the multiple incidents) with anon that kind of started to suck the joy out of everything. That paired with the obsessive need to constantly have my inbox cleared and make sure everyone gets a response...I can understand now too why big blogs will have 200+ asks in their inbox. It's hard and it's exhausting and I'm burning out.

First it was the fic that was burning me out. Things have gone on far longer than I planned and I just wasn't prepared for this fic to go on and for a while there it was dragging. I'll admit that. If I could go back, I'd speed up a few things, but it's done, it's posted there's no going back. I kind of hoped I would have the mental capacity to upload more than once a week too, but I just couldn't. I still can't.

I've come to dread posting chapters because I know I'm going to have to reply and respond to everyone. The only thing keeping me posting is the fact that we're in the part of the story I've been excited about since the beginning and also because I keep leaving everyone on cliffhangers and I love torturing y'all with all of them.

So that being said, this is in no way to shame anyone for interacting with me, anyone leaving comments or replies or sending asks. Don't feel bad about doing it please. I appreciate all of you that have engaged with me and it really means so much to me. Honestly, earlier this year, if I didn't have this fic and everyone on this blog, I might not have made it to now. It's been a really rough year and it's still going to be into next year. It's just getting to the point where I need a break.

I've needed a break for a long time. I thought taking days off the blog would help, and it did for a couple of weeks, but now even on the days I'm supposed to be on the blog and engaging, I just find myself queueing stuff up and just being offline most of the day still.

I'm tired. That's the best reason I can give. I'm tired and burned out on life and I'm tired and burned out on this blog.

So...I think I need a break. I need to not keep responding to every single reply and reblog every chapter. I need to not force myself to answer every ask right away, no matter how much I want to. I feel bad, but I know everyone would rather have me here and enjoying the blog than forcing myself to interact to the point where I'm dreading it and just robotically repeating myself over and over with every reply and answer and comment.

I won't be pausing the fic, I won't be not uploading. I'll still be posting chapters, I just might not be interacting as much as I have been. It's just putting such a mental strain on me still, even with anon off, even with days off. And with things getting busier for me, it's going to be too much to try and deal with irl stuff and write and try to be super active on the blog. There's going to come a point where I have to sacrifice the writing or the blog and I'd rather sacrifice the blog to keep myself sane, and also to keep trying to finally get this fic done. I love this fic, don't get me wrong, but I'm just burning out.

I'm already burned out in a lot of ways.

I was planning kinktober this year but honestly I'm considering not doing it because I know interaction is going to be insane and it's going to be a lot to keep up on. Plus trying to write that many fics is hard and I'm not sure I have the ability to do it. I have a few done but now I'm just like...is that something I want to do on top of irl stuff and CRCB.

There's just no joy in it anymore. It's not anyone's fault but mine. I put the pressure on myself, I held myself to that standard for this long despite the fact I knew it was draining me. I've tried to push through when I should have prioritized myself. I feel so guilty not responding to everyone. I feel so guilty being a day or two late responding to everyone.

I want to be here and interacting and responding to things but I just can't bring myself to anymore. It's no one's fault, and this is not a drag on anyone, or an attempt to make anyone feel bad or guilty for interacting or sending asks or anything. I'm just airing out the truth and saying what I need to say because I feel like I've been so robotic and lifeless with my responses these last couple weeks and I feel like I need to explain why. It's nothing anyone has done. It's my fault. It's 100% my fault.

Things have just gotten to be too much and it's my fault for forcing myself to be so active. The social battery has dropped into the negatives. I'm not a social person. I can only handle so much interaction and I've pushed so far beyond that, that things have gotten to this point. I want to be here and I want to have fun and I want to use this as an escape but I just don't feel that way about it anymore. It's a chore for me, a job, something I feel like I have to do and it's my fault that I feel that way. It's my own standards and expectations I set on myself, and my expectations on what I think my followers want and deserve and now I feel like I've gone on too long like this that I can't change things without hurting anyone's feelings. I don't want people to think I'm ignoring them in favor of others because I know there's writers out there that do that. They only respond to a certain group and ignore others that comment and reblog. I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm doing that to them and that's now led me to here.

I'm forcing it and I'm tired.

It's been hard these last few weeks. The life has just been draining and draining continuously. The joy and the love I have for this blog and my followers and the interactions and the fic. The last anon bullshit that happened was just kind of the last nail in the coffin so to speak. The straw that broke the camel's back. Things stopped being fun. It made me feel bad (and not in the guilty way, though that was a part of it) and I'm honestly just over it. I'm over the blog, I'm over interacting, I'm over life at this point. August is a hard month for me and every year it seems to get worse and worse. A lot of it is unrelated to anything online and I was going to make a post about it but honestly I just don't want to. Those that know, know. Those that don't...it doesn't matter.

I'm getting annoyed by the blog, I'm getting annoyed every time I look in my notifications and see an ask or a reply or a comment. I'm getting annoyed by some of my followers and that's not fair to you. Everyone always talks about how nice and kind and patient I am when I'm really not. I'm not the person I present myself to be on this blog, the way I mask myself so I can present myself as being a normal, kind human being. The mask is coming off because I'm so tired I can't keep it up anymore. It's happening here and it's happening in real life. I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm angry at a lot of things and the last thing I want is to start taking it out on my followers. You don't deserve that, especially when it's not your fault, it's nothing any of you have done. It's all me.

It's not you, it's me.

So for the sake of not burning this whole thing to the ground, I'm going to take a break. I'm not replying to everyone, I'm not responding to every reblog, I won't reply to every ask I get right away, if at all because sometimes I just don't have anything to say in response and I need to learn that's okay. It's nothing against you. It's not aimed at anyone specifically, I'm just trying to put myself first and stop things from escalating. I need a break and I'm going to do something selfish and I'm going to take it.

Don't apologize because it's not your fault. Don't apologize because you think you might have contributed to this because you didn't. It is no one's fault but my own.

I'm the one that needs to apologize to all of you because I've just not been myself because I've been forcing myself to be someone I'm not. I've been very unfair to a lot of people over the last seven months that this blog has been active and I've held a precedent that is not sustainable in the long run and made everyone believe that I was capable of maintaining that kind of interaction when I'm not.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been putting everyone through this. I'm sorry I've been so detached and robotic and ingenuine. I'm sorry I led everyone to believe I'm someone I'm not. I'm sorry I've dragged this on this long that it's gotten to the point that I have to make this post.

I considered just disappearing but that wouldn't be fair to you either. I don't want to put you through that, so I'm pouring all of my thoughts out and making you read through this fucking novel of a post. If you've made it this far, then congrats I guess. Gold metals to you who bothered reading this far.

Anyway, all of that aside, I'll still be posting chapters. I'll have them scheduled and I'll probably come on and add links places to keep things current. I'll respond and reply and answer asks when I feel like it. You don't have to stop sending them, but just don't expect them to be responded to right away anymore. I'll probably still be here reblogging things I want and doing things when I feel like it.

I just need a few weeks to myself. Time I don't have to care about the blog at all and keeping up with it. Anon will remain off for the sake of keeping asshole trolls away, and also so I don't open tumblr and have 200 asks in my inbox after a week. Sorry to my anons but it's just the way it needs to be right now. Maybe once this break is over and I've dealt with irl stuff, I'll consider putting it back on. I just can't after everything I dealt with recently on anon.

It'll be the same on Ao3, for those that follow here and read there. Comments will probably sit for a while. They won't be answered right away anymore unless I get the energy to burn through them. Even then I won't try to answer them all at once like I did this last weekend.

I'll try to reblog something every day so y'all know I'm alright. I don't want y'all to panic and it's not fair to put you through that, especially those that might not see this or bother reading it. Those that follow simply for the fic and nothing else. I'm here, I'm just not...here.

This week's chapter is in the queue to be posted tomorrow as usual. Chapters will still come out as planned since I'm not stopping writing, just taking a break from the blog itself.

Thank you those of you who stuck through to the end here. I appreciate all of you so much. You have no idea. I'm sorry I let things get to this point and I'm sorry to anyone that I've gotten rude or snappy with because I couldn't be selfish and put myself first. I'm sorry to anyone that got a robotic, repeated response to something they were probably excited to share. I'm sorry I've been so unfair to everyone and I hope you can forgive me.

Take care and I'll talk to everyone when I have the energy to.

[sughuru]

you’re late

- gojo satoru x reader and young! fushiguro megumi

you forgot to pick up a certain someone from school.

genres/warnings: fluff, reader is gojo’s s/o, platonic relationship with megumi, kinda ooc, more of a thought that came to my mind, not proofread

notes: hopefully i’ll have time to write more as christmas break is finally here!! as always, english isnt my first language so ignore any errors, thank youu!

home | masterlist

—

You were impromptly called in by Yaga to take over a second grader’s mission in Kyoto and you had just finished. You checked the time on your phone and noticed it was almost 4 PM. As you were heading home you decided to stop by the supermarket to grab yourself a drink and perhaps a snack and some candies for Tsumiki and Megumi, although, they’d probably be eaten by your boyfriend anyway.

As you were walking home, you received a phone call from your loving boyfriend, Satoru. You answered the call, a small smile forming, “yes, darling?”

You could hear Satoru chuckle from the other end of the phone, “Hey, babe! Just returned from a mission, have you picked up Megumi?” he asks. You froze on the spot, almost dropping the groceries earlier. You gripped onto the phone tighter, your other hand tightly clutching on the plastic bags.

“…weren’t you supposed to pick Megumi up?” you asked, worry washed over you as you quickly sped walk home.

Noises from Satoru’s end of the line were loud, “huh? I thought you— damn it! Can’t you see I’m calling the love of my life?” he seems to be in the middle of a exorcism. You sighed and quickly ended the call.

“Okay okay, fuck, I forgot!” you quickly turned around and made your way to Megumi’s school. Your heart was filled with guilt, realizing that you really did forget to pick him up as you remembered that Satoru did remind you last week that he couldn’t pick the young boy up today.

Standing right outside the school gate, you entered to look for the tiny boy. You noticed a little boy with jet black hair by the swing, swinging himself back and forth. As you got closer, you could hear soft sniffles.

“Gumi?” you softly called out and the boy turned around, revealing it to be Megumi indeed. You quickly ran up to him, “I’m so so so sorry…I forgot— I accepted a mission and completely forgot Satoru couldn’t pick you up and Tsumiki’s at a sleepover.” you quickly hugged him tightly. Megumi didn’t say anything.

“I-it’s okay…” Megumi’s soft voice cracked which made your heart shatter a little more, you noticed there were dry tear stains on his cheek.

You picked him up, “as an apology, how about we get some ice cream, yeah?” you grinned at him.

Megumi nods, clearly still upset by the whole situation; but who could blame him?

At the ice cream store, you allowed him to get two scoops of his favorite flavors. The boy seemed to be in a better mood after eating.

“Megumi, I’m really sorry again, I didn’t mean to leave you alone for so long at school!” you quickly apologized again and the boy shook his head, “it’s okay…it was a mistake, right?”

You blinked, “of course it was!” That’s when you realized something.

Megumi and Tsumiki’s father abandoned them when they were really young, you had assumed that Megumi had no recollection of those memories but today’s situation says otherwise.

Realizing that Megumi thought that you and Satoru were abandoning him and his sister caused you to slightly tear up.

“Y/N?”

“Sorry, I-“ you quickly wipe your tears but Megumi’s small hands beat you to it. He attempted to wipe it off with a tissue before throwing it away.

“It was an honest mistake, I-i understand, okay?” he muttered. For a seven year old, you couldn’t believe how mature he is for his age.

You nodded, “yeah, yeah.”

Megumi nods. The air was so thick, you were about to break the ice when Megumi looked up again, “Y/N.”

“Mhm?”

“…don’t tell Gojo, okay?” Megumi starts as he mixes the melted ice cream that is left in his cup, “you and…Gojo won’t ever leave me and Tsumiki, right?”

You pulled him into a hug, “of course not! I wouldn’t even dream of it!” Megumi gave you a small smile, “promise?”

“A promise.” you reassured the boy once more as you tightly hugged him more. It was evident that Megumi seemed to relax after you hugging him.

Later that evening, you explained the whole situation to Satoru. To make up for your mistake, you took Megumi and Satoru to his favorite dog cafe and let him stay as long as he pleases.

[leilanihours]

# SHE WAS CRYIN' ON MY SHOULDER, ALL I COULD DO WAS HOLD HER

pairing: paige bueckers x ex-gf!reader

word count: 851

warnings: arguing, crying, mentions of abandonment/past relationship

summary: you and paige both have things you need to get off your chests one year after you break up.

⭑ from lani: to that anon i told my next fic would be for kate im so sorry 😭 i was crying to this song earlier and i just needed to write paige to it - so heres my first ever angst fic i hope its not horrible 😛

masterlist !

"Y/N, YOU LEFT me, remember? you left!"

"you didn't even bother to stop me, to fight for me- for us!"

neither of you knew how this escalated so quickly. how a friendly reunion turned into a screaming match.

"it's not my job to pick up the pieces of the shit you broke! so i'm sorry if i didn't feel like working myself over for someone who had no issue leaving."

you know her apology is insincere, sarcastic. but for a split second when you hear her say "i'm sorry," your heart aches for the words you've spent the past year mourning.

"paige," you sigh, trying to calm down before you say something you don't mean, "i know it seems like it, but i did not want to leave the way i did. i didn't have a choice."

"bullshit-"

"can you just be quiet and let me talk?" you snap, immediately shutting her up, "last summer when i disappeared, it was because of my parents. they forced me to come home to them even after i told them i wanted to stay here in connecticut. i swear to you, paige, i fought for us. you didn't see it but i went through hell fighting. and i'm sorry for ending it the way i did but, paige...we were bound to end it at some point. we both knew that. i had to go home eventually."

you both had tears streaming down your faces at this point, chests heaving from not being able to breathe properly.

you stood in front of paige, slowly pacing back and forth as she sat with her arms crossed on the cold park bench absorbing your words.

the darkness of the night engulfed the atmosphere, contributing to the inevitable breaking of your once-intertwined hearts. the only light was dim from the far away lamp post, rusting away from its former beauty - similarly to how you and paige used to be a work of art together, but were now nothing more than a mess of spilled emotions and pent-up grudges.

"and i understand that, y/n, but i deserved an explanation- a goodbye, at the very least. or at least i thought i deserved that."

"don't do that," you challenge, referring to the way she degraded herself in front of you, "is that why you didn't try? to save us?"

"why else wouldn't i? i thought you hated me, i thought-" she pauses to catch her breath and wipe some of the tears that had fallen on her pink lips, "i thought you didn't care about us. as if that summer didn't mean shit to you."

"paige i-"

"no, now it's your turn to listen," she demands, pulling you to sit next to her on the bench, both of her cold hands holding yours, "i never felt so strongly about someone the way i felt about you. i couldn't imagine spending my time away from you, i mean, it literally hurt. so i took advantage of that summer, i took advantage of the little time we had together. and then when i found out you left without a word to me, it broke me. and i know you didn't see it but ask literally any of my friends. i didn't get out of bed for days in a row. i didn't eat, i didn't practice, nothing. it was like you stole the good parts of me, took it, and ran. i needed you, y/n, but you were on the other side of the country. what am i supposed to do with that?"

she's full on sobbing now, shoulders shaking as she doesn't even try to hold in her tears now. you swear you can hear cracks in your own heart and bones forming as she confesses what she went through.

you can't bear watching her suffer anymore, tightly wrapping your arms around her shaking frame. hugs like these were second nature, but this time was different. there was more meaning behind it.

your embrace acted as a shield against any future problems that were to be thrown onto your paths. your embrace acted as a glue repairing the broken pieces of your relationship that laid destroyed for the past how many days. your embrace acted as a genuine embrace.

"paige, i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry, baby, i never wanted to leave you, you have to know that. i'm so sorry," you whisper into her hair.

one of your hands stroke her head buried in your neck. you feel her tears drip onto your thin jacket, soaking you with guilt as it hits you how desperate you were to spend the rest of your life making it up to this girl.

it was clear to you that she actually did care, unlike how you thought last summer. and because of how she was crying on your shoulder, you needed to forget about that version of her you spent so long hating - the version that constantly haunted the back of your mind.

you needed to hold her. and hold her. and hold her. and never let go.

— leilani signing off ! 📁

[tadpolesonalgae]

Can’t Bring Myself To Hate you — Part 21

Azriel x Third-Oldest-Archeron-Sibling!Reader

a/n: please forgive spelling errors, I’m still coming out of my illness. I’d also wanted to write more but I suppose it’ll help to have a solid starting point for the next chapter! I can’t believe it’s been a year since the first part of cbmthy went up.

warnings: likely spelling errors; Deliah; reader’s miserable life

word count: 5,738

-Part 20- -Part 22-

——————————————————————————————————————————————

“I know it’s difficult, but I urge you to tell your family as soon as you are able.”

Madja’s round, soft brown eyes are imploring as she looks into you, and you dip your head.

“I will,” you mumble, frowning into your lap. “I just want time to process it. Besides, you don’t know that for sure—it’s just a theory.”

“A theory that I wouldn’t tell you unless I thought there was a high or definite chance of it happening,” Madja counters, passing you the glass of water. You drink reluctantly. “I know it’s a lot, and it’s sudden… How are you coping?”

You set the glass down when you’ve had enough. “Silver lining, right?”

————

Madja’s earlier question has been echoing through the chambers of your mind all morning. Nagging for an answer until you’ve no choice but to pause, and think. A bench sits overlooking the Sidra, and you take it, choosing to seat yourself for the duration of the thoughts.

How are you coping?

Because you weren’t a while ago. That’s what got Azriel bedridden, although he seems to be on the mend. So, how are you coping now? You can barely feel the gloves around your hands, even when your curl them to scrape the fabric against your skin. There’s nothing more than a slight pressure.

To have no solution for the pain, that you’re permanently damaged… Permanently imperfect, even as a fae. You could have had something. Could have been like Nesta, wielding her Cauldron-Made magic. How stupid of you.

————

His door looms before you, the windows empty and the front garden still. Taking a deep breath you raise your hand to a fist, delivering three muffled knocks to the wood panelling, gloves softening the thuds. You take a step back, and wait. Glance about the small entry, the vines crawling up either side the door, the glass lantern hanging above your head.

The garden is dying, life slowly receding, pulling back in on itself to protect from the descent of winter. Another two weeks and the transition will be clear. Already frost is often crisping leaves and slicking cobbles, ice gleaming over the lip of windowsills and thick rolls of fog floating up from he sidra, basking the city streets in a deep cloud-cover. Sometimes it’s so thick you can’t tell where the edge of the canal lies, and you make a point to offer a generous margin of error. You’re not sure you’d have the will to fight the terrible shock of icy water or the wit to navigate, blind, through the thick mists back to a lowered platform.

You’ll stick behind the guard rails, for now.

Metal scrapes, a latch clicks, the door creaks open. A heavy, golden eye peers out from the relative darkness.

You push a smile to your mouth, weighted, subdued, tentative. “Hi, Bas.”

Golden eyes pause, taking you in from an almost passive standing point. His lips don’t shift like you’d become accustomed to, no half-amused smile curving his familiar mouth and no sweep of warmth across his face. Rather, his lips tighten, as if regretting having made acquaintance with a creature with needle sharp teeth that hook into skin and cling to flesh as it feeds. You’ll stay out of his life if he wants you gone.

You can manage to give him six months of space.

Bas sighs, his broad chest briefly deflating as his shoulders slope and the ice lessens to frost. The door opens wider and an ember of mild warmth begins to glow faintly somewhere in your chest. You take care not to show the visible relief—he hasn’t forgiven you, he’s just opening up for conversation. Maybe now he’ll tell you to stay away, maybe now he’ll tell you not to disappear again, maybe now he’ll tell you you’re forgiven, maybe now he’ll forgive you but he doesn’t want around.

You shake off the thoughts like a sparrow shaking off raindrops from her narrow, nimble wings, fluttering her feathers to rid the dampness from her warm body.

Inside the fire is lit, crackling in the hearth. Dried rosemary and herbs still hang in bunches from the thick wooden beams of the ceiling, patchwork quilts still hang over the back of plush armchairs, small, plump pillows still tucked into either end of the sofa and you sit yourself near one arm, knowing Bas usually takes the armchair to the left of the fireplace. Not directly in the way of the radiating heat but close enough to be warmed by the rolling waves as they spill out into the low-ceilinged living room. You meet his golden eyes. “How’ve you been?”

“Good.” Bas nods his head. “Been doing some thinking. Sure you have too, yeah?” He takes his seat but doesn’t lean back into the cushioning. Instead he braces his forearms on his knees, feet shoulder-width apart and the fire reflects in his strong, golden eyes.

You lick your lips, placing your gloved hands in your lap. “I’m sorry for using you like that.”

Bas cocks a brow. “Just jumping straight into it, huh. No preamble.”

“I understand if you’re angry with me. If you’re upset with me. I feel that you’ve been there for me a lot…more that I can say. Through a lot of stuff I haven’t been brave enough to talk about, too.” Your eyes are hot on their surface, burning from the heat of the crackling fire but you blink away the heat, swallowing. “I was in a bad space, when I left. And I wasn’t thinking right.”

Bas snorts. “You weren’t thinking at all.”

He pushes off from his knees, settling himself at last back into the armchair. Long legs stretch out over the thick, patterned rug, arms crossing behind his head and legs crossing at the ankle.

“I’m sorry, Bas.” You tell him, firmly. Looking into his fierce gaze. He’s always been more straightforward. You’ve managed to be more straightforward with him, too, and it’s been a perk of your…friendship. “Will you… Can you forgive me?”

Silence hangs in the air, his features unmoving, eyes holding that fierce glint in their golden irises. Seconds tick by and neither of you say anything. The room grows hotter, denser, and you shift in your seat. It’s sweltering. It’s been a minute.

Your eyes lower and you nod your head. “Okay.”

You rise from your seat, straightening out your skirts, unsure whether your cheeks are burning from humiliation or the fire. “Thank you for hearing me out,” you tell him, nodding your head once before finding your own way out.

“You aren’t going to ask for my side?” Bas calls from his seat, bringing you to a halt. You turn, looking at the outline of the back of his head, the muscles in his arms are tense and his fingers are pushing into his skin. You keep to the entryway, unsure whether he’s being sincere or whether he’s waiting for an argument. You’ve never known him to be manipulative, but he’s always been ready for a brawl in the past. Bas turns his head, and piercing golden eyes bore into you.

“What’s your side?” You ask, softly.

Bas snorts and makes a sharp gesture with his hand, telling you to sit. Your lips purse but you follow, returning to the seat but this time discarding an outer layer leaving you in a top and skirts. You’re here for a conversation—not a brief exchange where nothing’s said.

“Did you even listen to me, last time you were here?” Bas asks. “Where did you go? Who did you meet? Why did you think it was a good idea to just—” He bites off the ending, his frustration and anger bleeding out. His arms brace themselves back on his knees, body hunching over as his brows narrow, exhaling in a harsh hurry. “Talk to me. You got to talk to me instead of just vomiting up a bland fuckin’ apology like that. ‘I’m sorry for using you like that’? ‘I was in a bad place’?” He stares at you, hard. “Are you kidding me?”

“I- What do you want me to say, Bas? I’m sorry for upsetting you. I’m sorry for making you angry. I’m sorry for not telling you where I was going-”

“‘I’m sorry for making you feel like shit, Bas'. ‘I’m sorry for not only leaving and not telling you anything, but also then coming back and not telling you anything either, Bas’. ‘I’m sorry for creating something private and safe and then letting everyone in to tear it to shreds, Bas’.” Golden eyes gleam with heat, boring into you. His voice is hoarse when he says, “Those would have been a good fuckin’ start.”

You lick your lips, trying to buy yourself time to comprehend the words he’s spat out. Beats pass, but you have no idea what to say. You’re sorry. You regret the way things happened. They won’t unfold like that again. It all feels so insufficient when his eyes are so fierce on their surface but the tears are making them glassy. “You were my fuckin’ treasure,” he rasps. “And you fuckin' walked out without a word.”

“Bas I’m sorry,” you whisper. Heat prickles your eyes, “I just needed to get out.”

Bas laughs a wet laugh, “Fuck off with that.” His thumb and middle finger span across his eyes, bracing his temples. “You know I stopped seeing other people?”

Silence hangs in the air. Blood cooling in your veins.

Bas laughs. “Stopped drinking after you showed up, stopped sleeping around as much, started getting to bed on time. Started talking with ma again. Started to get better after pa-” He chokes off, a wet droplet breaking on the rug far below. He rubs his eyes shaking his head. Golden eyes gleam in the firelight. “You were good,” he whispers, “a good thing.”

Sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it. You know what it’s like to feel you aren’t good enough to be trusted. You know how it hurts.

You stand quietly from the sofa, gathering your cloak and scarf. Pause when you pass him—he doesn’t look up, keeping his head cast down, staring at the rug. Your palm settles over his shoulder and you squeeze once, firmly. I’m sorry.

You’re in the doorway, the salty citrusy coastal air mixing with the warm rosemary of his interior when he calls for you once more.

“We’ll be moving to Winter soon,” Bas says through his raw throat. He swallows, hard jaw working. “Ma thinks it’ll be good for us—to visit pa’s Court. Reconnect with the magic there.” In one movement that exudes far too much boyish embarrassment for you to bear, he dries his eyes, rolling his shoulders and standing straighter. “Thought I’d let you know.”

“You’re leaving?” You can hardly hear your voice. Bas shrugs but the edges of the gesture are too sharp to be natural. “Guess Night Court isn’t working for us.” He licks his lips. Nods his head. “I wish you well, from here.”

————

The sunlight is watery, offering an edge of warmth but you’re in a daze. You’re not even sure you know where you are in the city. Just started walking and didn’t stop, feet moving mindlessly over the cobbles, carrying you through streets and alleys, down roads and narrow tracks between shops. With the smell of food you’d guess you’re near a restaurant zone, but…

He’s moving. All the way south to the Winter Court.

Will you be able to visit? Will he even want you to visit? You can admit you’re not the most well-versed on Court politics, nor the most caught up on current affairs, but it doesn’t take much to know the Night Court isn’t a Prythian favourite after the fifty years the High Queen ruled with Rhysand at her side.

You look around Velaris, the street you’re on. Did it look like this during her reign? Before? Did it change during the attack that took so many lives, Bas’ father among them?

Inside your chest your heart is flittering too fast, fluttering against your ribcage, pulsing in your throat sporadically. Where are you? None of it looks familiar. A breeze blows and you catch the scent of the Sidra, somewhat salty, somewhat briny, but crisp. Dampness dredged up from an open-mouthed estuary far from here. It’s only a few streets away, and a trail of cold relief slithers down your spine as you recognise the canal. If you follow the water upstream you’ll probably find your way back to a spot you know—you’ve been heading mostly downhill, after all.

————

Rita’s

That’s a name you recognise. You’re nearby, back in a familiar area at least. Although being lost had been a temporary relief from the tempest tipping and turning inside of your, raging emotion crashing on your banks and you’re unsure what to do with all of it. Even having lost a lot of feeling in your hands you can tell they’re numb. More numb than usual anyway, and the cold is spreading to the rest of your body. You seem to remember the others having spoken about it in a way to suggest its busiest hours would be after dark but you wonder if they might be open during midday—just a familiar place to step into and warm up for a bit.

Well, it’s not exactly familiar. Come to think of it, you’ve only really heard Mor speak of it as someone who’s been inside. It didn’t seem to be a frequent spot for the others.

You squeeze your eyes shut and pray she isn’t inside.

As soon as you step foot within the establishment you feel the warmth on your face, washing over the frozen tip of your nose and the nipped-at skin of your cheeks, lips probably chapped and dry from the cold. The lights are on—strung up around the ceiling, hanging from wall to wall so they look like hundreds of yellow-bottomed fireflies. Paintings hang from the walls, stacked closely together and rimmed in what looks like gold, carefully crafted to carve into swirls at the corners. Pictures of flowers and bouquets, horses and riders with neat hair and long legs, dappled shade on a pair of shoes. Parted lips painted a dusty rose.

There are a few fae about the place—there seems to be a part of the large interior sectioned off for games and socialising, pool tables set up with a piano in the corner and a violin laying on its top, a guitar against the piano stool. Plush settees are dotted about the place, mauve and maroon leather with a healthy sheen beneath the glowing lights.

You make your way over to a counter that looks like a bar, nervously approaching the female behind the stand. “I’m sorry—is it fine for me to stay inside for a little bit? I got lost and-” But she’s already nodding understandingly and you’re struck dumb by her beauty. Dark brown hair that snarls about her round face, healthy and rich, full lips stretching into a welcoming smile as she clops to your side of the bar, ushering you over to take a seat on one of the sofas.

“What can I get you? Hot water? Tea? Whiskey?” Her eyes are full and dark, round and pretty as they watch you. “You’re such a small thing! What were you doing out in the cold all on your own?”

“I- sorry. I don’t have any money on me at the moment… I’m after some warmth is all. Sorry,” you say, holding your hands up and shaking them gently as though metaphorically pushing her away. But her smile doesn’t falter for a second, leaning her weight to one hip and folding her arms over her slim chest, “And I asked what can I get you? You’re half-frozen, I should dip you in candle wax!”

“Oh, I-” You swallow thickly. “Then, could I have some tea? If it’s not a bother?”

“Stay right there and don’t wander,” she smiles, nodding her head, “I’ll be back in a moment. Hang tight and don’t freeze.” Then she’s clopping away, heeled feet clicking over the polished wooden floors, thuds muffling when she passes over a rug.

You blink away your surprise, adjusting yourself to Rita’s interior. It’s nice: warm and welcoming. You lay your hand in your lap, peering at the dark green fabric of your gloves, self-consciously fiddling with the fingers. Maybe if they become frost-bitten they’ll turn stiff and fall off. At least you wouldn’t have to deal with their ugliness anymore, but it’d still be all up your arms.

It’s not long before the server is returning, a pinkish ceramic mug cupped in her palm, taking care not to spill anything as she passes it over to you. “Careful not to burn your tongue, it’s piping hot,” she warns with a smile, “unless you’re frozen stiff. Then drink away!”

You manage a grateful smile, murmuring thank-you after thank-you until she’s trotted back to her place behind the counter, a new couple of fae having also come in from the cold. You wait impatiently for it to cool, gently blowing on it from time to time but it’s difficult to hold through your gloves and you have to be careful not to spill any on yourself, or worse, any on the lovely rugs. Raising the mug to your lips, you take a small sip but it’s still scalding. How did she even make a cup of tea this hot? You’ve waited for it to cool.

Sighing to yourself, you shift on the sofa, making to lean back against the cushioning then thinking better of it when you remember your layers. It would be nice to remove them, but you won’t be stopping for long—just waiting to warm up. Until you’re certain blood has returned to your fingers and toes. You try the tea again but only succeed in scorching your upper lip. You’re so preoccupied with willing your tea to cool that you fail to notice the fae approaching from the far end of the room.

A body fills the space beside you and you’re pulled from your thoughts. The female’s lips are a bright slash of blood red, white teeth glittering inside her mouth as she offers a smile. You give a polite smile in return, thinking nothing of it as you return to gently blowing on the steaming liquid.

“You’re new here…”

You blink, then turn back to the female. Her eyes are so dark they’re almost black. Not a suctioning void of darkness, but more like a peaceful midnight or experiencing a restful sleep. They’re enlivening, not draining. “Yes…I heard someone speaking about this place so when I recognised it I thought I might come in to warm up,” you reply, shifting in the seat so you’re facing her a little more.

Black silk trousers cover her lower half, a sheer, silky band hugging her slim waist before flaring into wide, sweeping hips. On her top is a sleeveless, rouge, lace-covered shirt that hugs her full breasts, exposing a sharp but surprisingly deep V of moon-pale skin. Around her collar bones sit pretty pearls, matching the ones pinned to her ears, and you wonder if she’s the kind who’s always so finely dressed or whether you’ve accidentally stumbled in during a special occasion. Blood red nails delicately clasp a stout, crystal glassful of amber liquid and from the smell of it you can guess the contents.

“You’ll warm up faster if you let the heat touch your skin,” she muses, reclining into the far arm of the seat, her crossed legs pointing in your general direction. A stray curl of rich, chestnut hair escapes over her shoulder, flaring outward in a neat curve. “Oh, I don’t think I’ll be here for long…” you laugh, gently shifting the mug in your hands.

“Why not?” The female muses, swirling her glass in deft fingers. “We won’t be getting busy until at least six; it’s not even three yet.” She sips from her glass slowly, savouring the flavour. A pink tongue swipes at her lips, collecting the remaining taste. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like. It’s what we’re here for.”

“I’m sorry—you work here?”

“I’m the owner.”

Your brows raise. “You’re Rita?”

The woman laughs through her lips, eyes twinkling faintly. “No. Rita was a friend.” She winks as she says it, like it’s some funny secret she’s decided to share between you. “And we’re all friends here, so you don’t have to worry about a thing. Stay as long as you like.”

“Thank you.” You flush at her warmth. How welcoming she is.

“Who told you about Rita’s?” The female asks, drawing you again from thought. You pause, unsure how to label your relationship with Mor. Instead you simply settle for giving her name. “Mor,” you answer, shifting in your seat before offering an unsure smile, “she’s a…friend.”

The female nods like she’s understanding part of a larger puzzle. You suppose it makes sense though—you’ve gotten the impression Mor is somewhat a regular, of course the owner would be familiar with her. Anxiety begins to crawl up your spine, bone by bone, piece by piece. What if she knows who you are—what you’ve done to upset Mor. But instead the female’s eyes twinkle, sparked by something.

“A friend of Morrigan’s,” she drawls, elegantly settling deeper into the cushioning, finishing off the knuckle’s-depth of her whiskey, knocking it back like it’s nothing. “Well then, you can call me Deliah.”

————

It wasn’t until the clock had struck five that you’d realised how long you’d been speaking with her. She’s a master of conversation, and you were swiftly swept up and away, almost forgetting your tea entirely, warmed beneath her attentive gaze. When you’d finally gotten up to leave, she’d wrapped you in a warm embrace, like you’d been friends for much longer than a few hours, and had pressed a departing kiss to your neck before you’d wrapped yourself in a scarf and headed back out into the much colder outdoors.

But still, the icy winds bite at your throat and nip at your cheeks, and you hug your cloak tighter to your body.

————

Night has fallen by the time you reach the River House, carefully hanging your cloak upon one of the iron hooks and removing your shoes. A surge of voices sound from your left—coming from the living room with windows overlooking the front lawn—and you quickly slip past into the kitchen searching for something to eat before tiptoeing up the stair to bed.

You don’t want to touch what Bas had told you—that he’s leaving. What if you hadn’t visited? What if you had put it off? What if he had decided not to tell you? What ultimately persuaded him to let you know? After all, he’d only mentioned it when you’d been leaving…perhaps he hadn’t intended to tell you, but something good in him had known the kind of emptiness you’d feel if you went to him one day to find the house packed up and empty? With no trace of him to be found?

The thought alone has a pit opening up in your stomach, eyes pressing together hard to keep tears at bay. He wouldn’t have done something like that, surely. Had you hurt him so badly?

For someone you had thought close to leave so abruptly without any notice…no reasons, no goodbye…just gone. How many methods of torture the mind could create with that. How the unknowing would surely swallow you whole. Regret feeding off every second, wishing to have a second chance.

Guilt weighs in your stomach.

“You’re back.”

You snap back to reality, ice flooding your veins as you spot Mor stood the other side of the kitchen counter, poised to pop open another bottle of wine. Your throat closes up but you nod, walking further into the room—it would too childish and obvious to exit as soon as you’d seen her. Her caramel eyes drop back to the cork, skewering the nail through the stopped and twisting. “Looking for something?”

“Just a bite to eat,” you manage, eyeing an apple in the fruit basket. Buttered bread with something on top would have been nice, but an apple will be great, too. Cool, and crisp. Hopefully not too tart.

“There’s food next door,” Mor tells you, neither of you really looking at the other, and you pluck the apple from the basket. “Olives, bread, cheese, grapes, wine.” She lifts the bottle, gesturing to the second one she has on the table beside her. “Probably apple slices and raisins too-”

Silence beats between you, and then fabric is rustling. You look up to find her almost upon you.

You jump when her hands rip the scarf from your shoulders, staring wide-eyed in…shock?

“Mor?” You ask, slightly defensively as you take a step back. “What-”

She grips your arms tight, pain flickering up through your flesh and your stomach clenches. “Stay away from her,” Mor hisses, her nails digging in through the fabric of your gloves. A low moan of discomfort escapes your mouth and her eyes again widen, inhaling sharply as she drops your arms. Mor recovers quickly, a mask sliding into place that’s cold and icy, not even a fragment of the previous hurt you’d seen to be found. “I don’t know how you met her, how you ran into her, and I don’t care. Just stay away from her.”

You’re breathing heavily, a light sweat on your skin but the light pain’s vanished as quick as it appeared, leaving you feeling cold and tingly all over. Flesh once again fading to numbness. “I don’t…Who?”

A small beauty mirror materialises out of thin air and she flips it open, showing the dark red imprint on your throat, a stamp of a woman’s lips. Deliah’s lipstick must have been pressed into your skin. A flush of regret rises up from your stomach and you slap your palm over the skin, hoping to conceal the blazing proof that you’d visited Rita’s. She’s never claimed it as her space, but it’s Mor’s domain.

“I’m sorry,” you splutter, trying to explain. “I was just cold, and I got lost, I didn’t mean to intrude, I swear I won’t go there again, I just needed somewhere to-”

“I don’t care where you go,” Mor hisses, a tissue appearing out of thin air, tipping your jaw to one side. “Stay in Rita’s all day if you like it. But don’t get involved with her. Does she know you know me?”

You nod your head, shame warming your cheeks. Mor sighs, rubbing harshly at your neck to remove the stain. It doesn’t take intelligence to tell she’s frustrated.

After a while Mor pulls away, the tissue a dark rouge colour, blood dried and faded to black. “I’ll talk to her. Tell her to stay away from you.” She turns, tossing the tissue in the bin. She shoots you a hard look over her shoulder, “Don’t go near her. Do you understand?”

You nod again.

Mor sighs, and you can hear her lips purse. “I’m serious. She’s a bloodsucker.”

“I won’t go near her,” you say, reaching for the apple and shifting it between you palms. “I promise I won’t this time.”

Silence hangs in the air, and you think you feel the tension disperse. She nods, once. “I believe you.”

Your lips press together, and you peer at the apple, turning it around in your hand to shift your awareness from the weight of Mor’s gaze. At last it lessens, and you look up to see her walking away, heading out of the kitchen and probably for the living room, where it sounds like the others are. She pauses on the threshold. Looks over her shoulder. “You can join these ones too you know. It’s not just the dinners people spend time together.”

You look at one another quietly, but before you can reply she’s vanished off into the hallway, the voices rising a few seconds later when she reaches the living room.

You can join these ones too, you know.

The waxy red of the apple shines beneath the faelights.

It’s not just the dinners people spend time together.

————

You pause in the doorway. One foot in the room with all of them, the other out in the hallway, already poised to depart. You feel it as attention openly shifts to you, not coming in, but not leaving either. For the first time, you’re openly wanting of their focus.

Your skin prickles as you feel the room quiet, but you’ve already taken the first step which you know from having heard so many people say is the hardest. It’s a lie. You know from experience it’s never the first step that’s the most difficult, but the one you have to make in the present. The present is always the worst.

You meet the blue-grey eyes of your youngest sister, Nyx held to her front, Rhysand at her side. “Will you sit down, for this?”

Feyre stiffens, and you can feel the room itself grow stagnant. The air that had previously been alive and bubbling growing colder. Even the warm lighting, the fae-lights and the candles seem to have dulled. A nervous laugh rattles her shoulders, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so serious.” Your features remain solemn, and the little mirth she had left in her eyes winks out. Feyre settles on the arm of one of the big, cushy armchairs, Rhysand sliding in beside her.

You swallow thickly, fierce, lionlike eyes passing through your head. Your head bows. “Madja believes she knows what’s wrong with me.” You clear your throat, and correct yourself, “With my magic.”

Silence hangs in the air, and you have to force yourself to continue, fingers leafing together. “It is a little serious,” you say, glancing briefly to Feyre with a tired, guilty smile, “so I’ll try to be as cohesive as possible.” Feyre nods her head, and you last a small breath before starting.

You lift your chin to dress the room.

“I only found out I had magic about two months ago. It caused me a lot of pain, and still does when I try to use it, though not as much as those initial attempts.” Your gloved fingers wring together. “After some poor experiences, the side-effects of my magic became apparent. You might have noticed I’ve been wearing gloves a lot lately—it’s not a new fashion craze.” A half-smile appears on Elain’s mouth and you could kiss her cheek for it. “Rather, it began to damage my body physically, externally. My hands became dry, and…there were some other things I’ll leave out, but there was obviously something wrong with them.”

You try to keep your voice steady, try to keep your hands from shaking as you pinch one tip of a finger and begin pulling the glove from your skin. The patchy, discoloured flesh of your arm appears, scabbed and flaky, skin ashen where it’s begun to peel. You remove the other, and fold them over your hands, clasped together at your front.

“After I…After the House Of Wind happened, the dryness spread further to my shoulders. I’ve lost almost all sense of touch in my hands, and most of my arms are numb, but they still hurt a lot if I knock into something.” Are you taking too long? Is this stupid? You try to imagine finding Bas’ house empty. “Madja’s been very attentive, an absolute blessing, and she’s figured that my magic wasn’t existing externally, because it was festering internally.” You pause, lips trembling, but swallow past the lump in your throat. Your voice is hoarse when you add, “For two years.”

The room itself shifts—Feyre sitting straighter; Nesta leaning forward, Cassian squeezing her hand tighter; even Mor’s shifted in her corner, no longer slouching against the wall; only Elain is frozen still.

“What does that mean?” Feyre asks, her voice like a finger dragging through sun-softened butter.

“Madja says she can’t reverse the damage; what’s happened to me. That two years is too long for her to even attempt to undo.”

“So…what?” Feyre’s voice is quiet, softer than you’ve ever heard it. “It’s going to keep spreading? There’s no way to remove the pain?”

“Kind of.” You nod, shifting on your feet. You can’t help wanting to look into a hazel set of eyes in the far corner of the room. You wonder what he’s making of this big speech. Whether it’s all stuff he already knows, and he’s waiting for it to be over already. Old news.

“Madja says she can’t erase the pain. It’s always going to be there because it’s been able to sink too deep.”

Feyre’s hand is covering her mouth; Nesta’s expression is focussed but her knuckles are white where she’s gripping Cassian’s hand; Elain’s eyes are wide, and her skin is sickly pale.

You bite your lip, shifting once again in the doorway. Shifting to stand just over the threshold, teetering on the edge of the living room and the dark, empty corridor.

“She’s given me about six months to live.”

If you didn’t know better, you’d think someone, somewhere, had plucked the final string of the harp and frozen time. It’s unnerving—being in a room filled with living statues.

You almost flinch when Mor pushes off from the wall. It’s not a sudden movement by any means, if anything it’s more subdued than you’ve ever seen her, but with a swift look around the room, locking gazes with four pairs of eyes, she takes her drink with her and makes to pass you, exiting the room. Cassian glances at Nesta, squeezing her hand tight before standing; Rhysand remains still, his and the High Lady’s eyes glazing before he’s pushing a kiss to her temple, scooping up Nyx and following after Azriel and Amren.

You almost crumble now it’s only you and your sisters.

It’s too much for you to bear.

You’d thought you were okay with your silver lining.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

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[wonyowonyo]

Tales of Arcana (Y. "Karina" Jimin X M! Reader)

Alas! The much awaited Karina oneshot is finally here. I actually was wrong when I stated earlier that I was finished with the story, since I had to do many last minute revisions that my back hurts like a bitch rn. I actually tried new things in this fic, such as using your perspective instead of the usual 3rd Person stuff. This is also my first time writing a fantasy-themed oneshot! So I'm apologizing in advance if it may seem like a mess, as I tried my best to finish this as a whole before I take my awaited rest. And this is also my longest work right now, reaching 7.5k! I never knew I could write that much lmao. Anyways, enough with the yapping and let's actually get into this one! Hope yall enjoy this one and I'll catch yall next time, wonyowonyo out!

New Arcadia is a city of contrasts, where magic and technology intertwine in a delicate dance. The neon lights of the skyscrapers illuminate the streets below, casting eerie glows on the cobblestones and alleyways. Magic is everywhere—in the air you breathe, the water you drink, and the very fabric of reality itself.

You, Y/N, are a Disenchanter, a specialist in nullifying magical artifacts and spells. Once, you had a promising career at the Arcane Institute, a prestigious institution dedicated to the study and control of magic. But an experiment and an incident gone wrong five years ago changed everything. Branded a pariah and a traitor, you were banished and forced fled into the underbelly of the city, where you now work at 'The Gloom,' a bar that caters to New Arcadia's magical misfits and outcasts.

The Gloom is a haven for those who live on the fringes of society. The patrons are a mix of spell-slingers, rogue alchemists, and enchanted creatures, each more bizarre than the last. Your boss, Grimgar, is a grumpy old troll who treats you like just another cog in his crumbling empire. Your coworkers are a motley crew of fae and shapeshifters who come and go like the wind.

Tonight is like any other. The bar is packed with its usual clientele, and you're busy mixing potion-infused cocktails behind the bar. As you work, you notice a familiar figure enter the bar. It's Karina, a former colleague from the Arcane Institute. Her eyes meet yours, and a flicker of recognition crosses her face.

"Y/N! You're here? I thought you were... well, vanished into the ether."

Your heart skips a beat. You quickly make your way over to her, grabbing her arm and dragging her outside before she can say more. As you leave, you hear her tell her companions she'll be back soon, claiming, "My old friend wants a private chat. Who am I to refuse?" Their laughter echoes as you exit out the back door into a dimly lit alley.

————————————————————

Once in the alley, you release Karina and hiss, "What the hell are you doing here?"

Karina's eyes glint in the dim light. "I didn't even know you were still around. Rumor was that you angered the Elder Council, and they put a curse on you. Every bounty hunter in the city was after you."

You shove her away. "That's right. I had no place to hide, so I fled to this corner of New Arcadia to lay low... What was supposed to be temporary became five years."

Karina smirks. "Actually, I'm working on a big heist. There's a relic in the heart of the city, guarded by a dragon and a squad of enchanted knights. My team isn't up to the task, but you... you could nullify the defences."

You shake your head, turning away. "Not a chance. That life is over. I have a new one now."

As you start to return to the bar, you hear the distinct click of a magical ward activating. Karina's voice is cold. "You know, Y/N, there's still a bounty on your head, and I'm willing to collect."

You freeze, realizing the trap you're in. You turn slowly to face her, your mind racing. "What's your game, Karina?"

Karina steps closer, her expression softening slightly. "I don't want to turn you in, Y/N. I need your help. This heist is important. It's not just about the relic—there's more at stake than you know."

You narrow your eyes. "And why should I trust you?"

Karina sighs. "Because we were friends once. Because I know you, and I believe you're the only one who can pull this off. And because if you don't help me, the consequences will be far worse than anything the bounty hunters could do to you."

Reluctantly, you agree to hear Karina out. She leads you to a hidden safehouse in the depths of New Arcadia, where her team is waiting. The team is a ragtag group of specialists, each with their own unique skills.

Karina lays out the plan. The relic they're after is an ancient artifact known as the Heart of Thalos, hidden deep within a fortified vault in the heart of the city. The vault is guarded by a dragon and a squad of enchanted knights, and protected by powerful magical wards. Your role is crucial—you'll need to nullify the wards and the dragon's defences to give the team a fighting chance.

The plan is risky, but you can't deny the thrill of the challenge. It's been years since you've done anything like this, and part of you misses the excitement. As you listen to Karina's detailed strategy, you begin to see the pieces falling into place.

However, you're still hesitant. The life of a Disenchanter isn't what you want anymore. You've built a new life, a quieter one, away from the chaos of magic and danger. Just as you're about to decline, a commotion erupts outside the safehouse. A group of bounty hunters has tracked you down, having followed Karina's trail.

————————————————————

The bounty hunters storm the safehouse, weapons drawn and spells at the ready. Karina's team springs into action, defending their hideout with everything they've got. You find yourself in the thick of it, your Disenchanter skills becoming the key to survival.

As spells fly and blades clash, you focus on nullifying the attackers' magic. With each gesture, you dispel their enchantments, turning the tide in your favor. Giselle's brute strength keeps the enemies at bay, while Winter's agility and Ninging's illusions create confusion and chaos among the bounty hunters.

Karina fights alongside you, her combat prowess just as sharp as you remember. Together, you push back the attackers, slowly gaining the upper hand. The battle is fierce, but eventually, the last bounty hunter falls, their spells fizzling out as they collapse.

In the aftermath of the fight, you realize the gravity of the situation. The bounty on your head isn't going away, and neither is the danger that comes with it. You look at Karina, who is nursing a minor wound from the battle.

"Fine," you say, breathing heavily. "I'll help you with the heist. But this doesn't mean I'm back for good."

Karina nods, a relieved smile spreading across her face. "That's all I ask, Y/N. Just this one job. After that, you can decide what you want to do."

Over the next few days, as you prepare for the heist, you find yourself growing closer to Karina again. The shared danger and old camaraderie bring back memories of your time at the Arcane Institute. You catch her smiling at you more often, and you can't help but notice the way her eyes light up when she talks about the heist.

One evening, as you're fine-tuning the final details of the plan, Karina pulls you aside. "Y/N, I've been thinking... After this heist, maybe we could—"

Before she can finish, Winter interrupts with an urgent update on the vault's security changes. You share a knowing look with Karina, silently agreeing to revisit the conversation later.

————————————————————

The night of the heist arrives. The team assembles at the edge of the city, ready to embark on the mission. You feel a mix of anticipation and anxiety as you don your gear and prepare to face the dangers ahead.

Karina leads the way, her confidence and determination infectious. You follow her through the winding streets and alleys, moving silently and swiftly. The closer you get to the vault, the tighter the security becomes. You use your Disenchanter skills to disable the magical wards and traps, clearing the path for the team.

Finally, you reach the vault. The dragon is a formidable guardian, its scales glinting in the dim light. The enchanted knights stand ready, their weapons poised to strike. This is the moment of truth.

With a deep breath, you step forward, focusing your energy on the dragon and the knights. Your powers surge, nullifying their enchantments and rendering them vulnerable. The team moves in, engaging the dragon and the knights in a fierce battle.

As the dragon falls and the last knight is defeated, Karina makes her way to the vault door. She uses a combination of spells and lockpicking skills to unlock the door, revealing the Heart of Thalos—a glowing, pulsating artifact of immense power.

Karina carefully retrieves the Heart, her eyes shining with triumph. "We did it," she says, turning to you with a smile.

But before you can celebrate, the ground beneath you shakes. The vault begins to collapse, triggered by the removal of the Heart. The team scrambles to escape, racing against time as the structure crumbles around you.

You and the team make a mad dash for the exit, dodging falling debris and collapsing walls. Your heart pounds in your chest as you push yourself to the limit, using every ounce of your strength and agility to stay ahead of the destruction.

As you reach the exit, a massive piece of rubble falls towards you. Karina shouts your name, her voice filled with fear. In that split second, you realize just how much she means to you. You throw yourself out of the way, narrowly avoiding the falling debris.

Outside the vault, you collapse to the ground, panting and exhausted. The team is safe, but the Heart of Thalos is gone, buried beneath the rubble. Karina kneels beside you, her eyes filled with concern.

"Y/N, are you okay?"

You nod, struggling to catch your breath. "Yeah, just... barely made it."

Karina helps you to your feet, her grip steady and reassuring. "Thank you, Y/N. We couldn't have done this without you."

————————————————————

In the aftermath of the heist, you and the team return to the safehouse. The Heart of Thalos is secured, and the danger has passed. As the team celebrates their success, you find yourself alone with Karina.

She takes your hand, her touch gentle but firm. "Y/N, I need to tell you something."

You meet her gaze, your heart pounding. "What is it, Karina?"

She takes a deep breath, her eyes searching yours. "I've missed you. These past five years, I've thought about you every day. Seeing you again, working with you... it's made me realize that I still care about you. A lot."

You feel a warmth spread through you, a sense of connection that you've longed for. "Karina, I..."

She steps closer, her voice soft but earnest. "I know you said this was just one job, but... what if it wasn't? What if we did this together, for real? It's complicated, and I know we've both changed. But I want to see where this goes. If you're willing."

You turn to her, your heart pounding. "You mean, like old times?"

Karina nods, her eyes hopeful. "Yeah. Like old times. But better. We can make a difference, Y/N. We can use our skills to protect the city, to fight for those who can't fight for themselves."

You take a deep breath, considering her words. The life of a Disenchanter is dangerous and unpredictable, but it's also where you belong.

You look into her eyes, seeing the hope and vulnerability there. In that moment, you realize that despite everything, you still care deeply for her too. The heist has reminded you of the thrill of adventure, but more importantly, it's shown you that there's still a place for love in your life.

With a smile, you squeeze her hand. "I'm willing, Karina. Let's see where this goes."

She smiles back, her eyes shining with happiness. "Thank you, Y/N."

————————————————————

The day after the heist, you and Karina wake up in the safehouse, the morning light filtering through the cracks in the boarded-up windows. The team is still asleep, exhausted from the previous night's escapades. You feel a mixture of relief and anticipation as you think about the Heart of Thalos, now securely hidden in a magical vault beneath the safehouse.

Karina stirs beside you, her eyes fluttering open. She smiles, her face soft and relaxed. "Morning, Y/N."

"Morning," you reply, your heart warming at the sight of her.

Before you can say more, Giselle enters the room, her booming voice shattering the peaceful moment. "We've got a problem."

You and Karina jump to your feet, following Giselle to the main room where the rest of the team is gathering. Winter and Ningning look tense, their eyes darting to the entrance.

"What's going on?" you ask.

Winter holds up a small, enchanted device. "This was found outside the safehouse. It's a tracker. Someone knows we're here."

Your blood runs cold. The bounty hunters must have planted it during the siege. Karina's face hardens with determination. "We need to move. Now."

You and the team quickly gather your belongings, preparing to leave the safehouse. As you step outside, you hear the distant sound of engines revving. A squadron of bounty hunters on motorcycles is speeding towards you, their eyes gleaming with greed.

"Go! I'll hold them off!" Giselle roars, her enchanted strength crackling with energy.

You hesitate, but Karina pulls you along. "We need you, Y/N. Giselle  can handle them."

Reluctantly, you follow Karina and the team through the winding alleys of New Arcadia. The bounty hunters are relentless, their engines echoing through the narrow streets. You and the team split up, hoping to confuse your pursuers.

As you run, you use your Disenchanter skills to nullify the magical trackers the bounty hunters are using. The air is thick with tension, every corner potentially hiding an ambush.

Finally, you reach an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of the city. The team regroups, panting and exhausted. Giselle  arrives last, battered but victorious. "We need to lay low for a while," he says, his voice grim.

Inside the warehouse, you and Karina find a quiet corner. The adrenaline from the chase slowly fades, leaving you both feeling drained. Karina leans against you, her head resting on your shoulder.

"Y/N, I was so scared we'd get separated again," she whispers.

You wrap your arm around her, pulling her close. "I won't let that happen. Not again."

She looks up at you, her eyes filled with emotion. "I don't want to lose you, Y/N. Not after we've found each other again."

You tilt her chin up, your lips brushing hers in a tender kiss. The world fades away, leaving only the two of you in that moment. When you finally pull back, you smile at her. "We'll face whatever comes together."

The team gathers in the center of the warehouse, discussing their next move. The Heart of Thalos needs to be kept safe, and the bounty hunters won't stop until they have it.

"We need to take the fight to them," Karina suggests, her eyes blazing with determination. "If we can find their leader and take him down, we can buy ourselves some time."

You nod, agreeing with her plan. "And I can use my Disenchanter skills to disrupt their operations. We need to hit them where it hurts."

Winter, Giselle , and Ningning agree, their resolve matching yours. Together, you formulate a strategy to infiltrate the bounty hunters' headquarters, a fortified building in the heart of New Arcadia.

————————————————————

Under the cover of night, you and the team make your way to the bounty hunters' headquarters. The building is heavily guarded, its perimeter bristling with magical wards and security measures. You take a deep breath, focusing your energy on nullifying the enchantments.

Karina leads the way, her nimble fingers deftly disabling the locks and traps. Winter and Giselle follow, their movements silent and precise. Ningning uses her illusion magic to create distractions, drawing the guards' attention away from your group.

Inside, the headquarters is a maze of corridors and rooms. You move cautiously, avoiding patrols and security cameras. Finally, you reach the central chamber where the bounty hunters' leader, a ruthless mage named Vesper, is holding court.

————————————————————

Vesper is a formidable opponent, his presence commanding and intimidating. He stands surrounded by his elite guards, his eyes narrowing as he spots your group.

"Well, well, well," he sneers. "The infamous Disenchanter and his ragtag team. You've caused me quite a bit of trouble."

You step forward, your voice steady. "It's over, Vesper. We're taking you down."

Vesper laughs, a harsh, grating sound. "You think you can stop me? With the council’s support, I’ll be more powerful than ever! You're all nothing but a thorn in my side."

The group was surprised with the sudden mention of the council. It seems that the figureheads of the city wasn’t as clean as they present themselves.

Karina eyes flash with anger. "We're more than that. We're here to end your reign of terror."

The battle erupts, a whirlwind of magic and steel. Vesper's guards are skilled, but your team fights with a fierce determination. You focus on nullifying Vesper's spells, creating openings for Giselle and Winter to strike.

Karina and Ningning work together, their combined magic creating powerful attacks that push Vesper back. The room crackles with energy as spells clash and swords meet.

Finally, with a powerful surge of your Disenchanter energy, you break through Vesper's defences. Giselle and Winter seize the opportunity, their combined strength overwhelming him. Vesper falls, his body crumpling to the ground.

With Vesper's defeat, the bounty hunters' organization crumbles. The team breathes a collective sigh of relief, the tension finally easing. You and Karina share a triumphant smile, the weight of the past few days lifting from your shoulders.

As you leave the headquarters, the dawn breaks over New Arcadia, the city bathed in a golden light. You feel a sense of hope and renewal, knowing that you've made a difference.

————————————————————

The next few weeks are a whirlwind of activity. Karina introduces you to her network of allies and informants, each with their own unique skills and connections. Together, you form a new team, dedicated to protecting New Arcadia from the hidden threats that lurk in the shadows.

Your days are filled with intense training sessions, honing your Disenchanter abilities and learning new techniques from your teammates. You work closely with Karina, who teaches you advanced combat tactics and spellcasting methods. The bond between you grows stronger with each passing day, rekindling the friendship and trust you once shared.

One evening, after a particularly gruelling training session, you and Karina find yourselves alone in the training room. Sweat drips from your brows as you catch your breath, the air heavy with the scent of exertion and magic.

Karina grins, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. "You're getting better, Y/N. I can barely keep up with you now."

You smile back, feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment. "Thanks, Karina. I couldn't have done it without you."

She steps closer, her expression serious. "There's something I need to tell you. The Heart of Thalos... it's more than just a powerful artifact. It holds the key to a greater mystery, one that could change everything we know about magic."

Your curiosity piqued, you listen intently as Karina explains. "According to legend, the Heart is connected to an ancient source of magic known as the Nexus. If we can find the Nexus, we might be able to harness its power and protect New Arcadia from any threat."

The weight of her words sinks in. This mission is far more significant than you initially realized. The stakes are higher, and the risks greater, but the potential reward is too important to ignore.

"I'm with you, Karina," you say firmly. "We'll find the Nexus and unlock its secrets."

————————————————————

The quest for the Nexus takes you and your team to the far corners of New Arcadia. You follow leads and decipher cryptic clues, piecing together the puzzle one step at a time. The journey is fraught with danger, as powerful enemies seek to stop you at every turn.

One night, you find yourself deep within the city's ancient catacombs, searching for a hidden chamber said to contain vital information about the Nexus. The air is damp and musty, the only light coming from the faint glow of enchanted torches.

As you navigate the labyrinthine tunnels, you hear the faint sound of footsteps echoing behind you. You signal to the team to halt, your senses on high alert.

Winter, ever the keen observer, whispers, "We're being followed."

Karina nods, her eyes narrowing. "Prepare for an ambush. Stay sharp, everyone."

Moments later, a group of shadowy figures emerges from the darkness, their eyes glinting with malevolent intent. You recognize them as members of a notorious organisation, known for their ruthless pursuit of magical power.

The leader of the organisation, a tall figure shrouded in dark robes, steps forward. "You've meddled in matters beyond your understanding, Disenchanter. The Nexus is ours."

Without warning, the enemies attack. Spells crackle through the air, and weapons clash in a flurry of violence. You and your team fight with everything you've got, the confined space of the catacombs amplifying the intensity of the battle.

Karina unleashes a torrent of fireballs, her movements fluid and precise. Giselle wades into the fray, her enchanted strength allowing her to overpower multiple foes at once. Winter darts between enemies, her daggers flashing in the dim light. Ninging conjures illusions to confuse and disorient the cultists, creating openings for the team to strike.

You focus on nullifying the cultists' spells, disrupting their magical attacks and turning the tide in your favor. The battle is fierce, but your training and teamwork prevail. One by one, the cultists fall, until only their leader remains.

Desperation flickers in the cult leader's eyes as he realizes he's outmatched. With a snarl, he raises his staff, channelling a powerful spell aimed directly at you. You react instinctively, raising your hand and nullifying the spell just before it reaches you.

The cult leader's eyes widen in shock, and he stumbles backward. "No... this can't be..."

Karina steps forward before she knocks the leader out cold. The group managed to hold captive a disarmed member of the organization. Karina points her sword at the man, her voice cold and commanding. "Tell us everything, What is your purpose and what you know about the Nexus, or you'll wish you hadn't crossed us."

The member, now disarmed and defeated, reluctantly reveals what he knows. “We’re a shadow organization for The Council, tasked to find the Nexus. The Nexus is a source of unimaginable power, hidden deep beneath the city. Only the Heart of Thalos can unlock its true potential. The Council plans to use the nexus as leverage to gain more power and to expand their control over the nation."

You exchange a glance with Karina, the pieces of the puzzle falling into place. The cult leader's information confirms your suspicions and provides a crucial lead.

With the cultists neutralized, you and your team press on, following the clues deeper into the catacombs. After hours of searching, you finally discover the hidden chamber. The walls are covered in ancient runes and symbols, glowing with a faint, otherworldly light.

In the center of the chamber stands an ornate pedestal, upon which rests a stone tablet. The tablet is inscribed with a detailed map, marking the location of the Nexus.

Karina carefully examines the tablet, her eyes scanning the intricate markings. "This is it, Y/N. The Nexus is real, and we've found the key to its location."

You can't help but feel a surge of excitement. The journey is far from over, but you've made significant progress. The map points to a secluded area in the heart of the city, a place known as the Veiled Sanctum.

————————————————————

The Veiled Sanctum is a place of legend, shrouded in mystery and protected by powerful wards. As you approach the sanctum, you feel the air hum with latent magic. The entrance is hidden behind a waterfall, accessible only by solving a series of complex puzzles.

Working together, you and your team navigate the challenges, using your combined knowledge and skills to unlock the sanctum's secrets. Each puzzle is more intricate than the last, but you press on, determined to reach the Nexus.

Finally, you stand before the entrance to the sanctum, a massive stone door adorned with ancient glyphs. Karina places the Heart of Thalos into a recessed slot in the door, and with a deep rumble, the door begins to open.

Inside, the sanctum is a breathtaking sight. The walls are lined with glowing crystals, casting a soft, ethereal light. In the center of the room stands a grand altar, upon which rests the Nexus—a swirling vortex of raw, untamed magic.

As you approach the altar, you feel a surge of power, unlike anything you've ever experienced. The Nexus pulses with energy, its potential both awe-inspiring and terrifying.

Karina steps forward, her voice reverent. "This is it, Y/N. The source of all magic in New Arcadia. With the Nexus, we can protect the city from any threat."

Before you can respond, a powerful force slams into you, knocking you to the ground. You look up to see the cult leader, now imbued with dark magic, standing at the entrance to the sanctum.

"You fools," he snarls. "You think you can control the Nexus? It belongs to us!"

The final battle begins with a thunderous clash of magic and steel. The leader, empowered by the dark magic, is a formidable opponent. His attacks are relentless, and his spells crackle with malevolent energy.

You and your team fight with everything you have, determined to protect the Nexus and stop the cult leader. Karina unleashes her most powerful spells, while Giselle, Winter, and Ninging work together to keep the cult leader off balance.

The sanctum shakes with the intensity of the battle, crystals shattering and debris falling from the ceiling. You focus on nullifying the cult leader's dark magic, countering his spells and weakening his defences.

As the battle reaches its climax, the cult leader summons a massive, swirling vortex of dark energy, aiming to destroy you all. You feel the pull of the dark magic, threatening to consume you.

But in that moment, you draw upon the power of the Nexus, channelling its raw energy to counter the cult leader's attack. The two forces collide, creating a blinding explosion of light and dark.

When the light fades, you find yourself standing victorious. The cult leader lies defeated, his dark magic dissipating into the air. The Nexus pulses with a calming, soothing energy, its power now under your control.

Karina steps forward, placing a hand on your shoulder. "We did it, Y/N. The Nexus is safe, and New Arcadia is protected for now."

You look at her, feeling a deep sense of gratitude and pride. "We couldn't have done it without you, Karina. We're a team."

Karina then stared at the horizon. “However, we still have more battles coming our way.”

In the heart of the Elder Council’s command chamber, tension hung thick in the air, charged with failure. The Elder of the Council, a tall figure draped in dark robes, slammed his gnarled fist against the ornate wooden table, sending inkpots and scrolls flying. His face was contorted with rage, the flickering candlelight revealing the deep lines of frustration etched into his skin.

"You incompetent fools!" he roared, his voice echoing off the stone walls. Council members flinched, shifting uneasily in their seats as they awaited his next outburst. "The Nexus was ours for the taking, and yet you let it slip through your fingers! How could you let this happen?"

One advisor, shaking like a leaf, took a cautious step forward. "Elder, the shadow organization reported that their plans were compromised during the heist. They encountered unexpected resistance—"

The Elder cut him off, his patience evaporating. "Resistance? Is that all you have to offer? What good are your shadows if they cannot perform a simple task? We had everything arranged!"

The room fell silent, tension mounting. The Elder’s fury radiated like heat from a forge, and the air seemed to crackle with his barely-contained wrath. He paced like a caged beast, his mind racing with thoughts of retribution.

Finally, he turned sharply, pinning the advisor with a steely glare. "And who was responsible for this fiasco?" he demanded, his voice low and dangerous.

"Reports indicate it was Y/N L/N," the advisor said, voice trembling. "They orchestrated the heist of the Heart of Thalos and led the resistance that thwarted our plans."

At the mention of your name, the Elder's fury ignited anew. "Y/N L/N! The banished pariah returns to haunt me?" He slammed his fist down again, this time hard enough to crack the table's surface. "After all these years, they dare to defy the Council? They will pay dearly for this!"

His breath quickened, a storm brewing in his chest. Memories of your betrayal flooded back, intertwining with the present chaos. You had once been one of his brightest students, but now you stood as a symbol of everything he despised—defiance, rebellion, and the power of unity.

"You think you can simply waltz back into my domain, Y/N L/N? You will regret ever crossing me!" The Elder's eyes gleamed with a mix of anger and determination, his mind already plotting revenge. "Prepare the enforcers. Mobilize every resource we have. Y/N L/N and their little band of rebels will be crushed beneath my heel."

As he raged, the advisors exchanged anxious glances, knowing full well the consequences of angering the Elder. "We will not let them gain any more power," one advisor stammered, trying to placate him. "We will gather forces and track them down."

"See that you do!" The Elder snapped, his voice a thunderous declaration. "For every moment they breathe free air, they mock our authority. This ends now." His voice simmered with menace, sealing the fate of New Arcadia in his vengeful hands.

————————————————————

The next morning, as you and Karina are planning your next steps, a messenger arrives at the safehouse. He hands you a sealed letter bearing the mark of the Elder Council. You break the seal and read the letter, your heart sinking with each word.

The Council has learned of your involvement in the heist and demands your immediate surrender. They threaten to unleash their full force against you and anyone who harbors you if you do not comply. The bounty on your head has doubled, and they are now actively mobilizing their forces to hunt you down.

Karina reads the letter over your shoulder, her expression hardening. "We can't let them do this, Y/N. We need to find a way to fight back."

You nod, feeling a mix of fear and determination. "But how? The Council is too powerful. We don't stand a chance against them."

Karina places a hand on your shoulder, her eyes filled with resolve. "We need allies. There are others in New Arcadia who oppose the Council's tyranny. If we can unite them, we might have a chance."

————————————————————

Over the next few days, you and Karina reach out to old friends and contacts, seeking allies in your fight against the Council. You find support among the city's disenfranchised, those who have suffered under the Council's oppressive rule.

One by one, you gather a diverse group of rebels, each with their own reasons for joining the cause. Few notable members also decided to join the cause. There's Irene, a former Council enforcer turned rogue; Key, a tech-savvy hacker with a grudge against the establishment; Wendy, a wind mage with a deep connection to the city's underground networks; Winter, a nimble thief who can slip through the tightest of spaces; Giselle, a warrior with enchanted strength; and Ningning, a spellcaster with a talent for illusion magic.

One night, you hold a clandestine meeting in a hidden underground chamber. The air is filled with tension and excitement as the gathered rebels discuss their grievances and share their hopes for a better future.

Irene speaks up, her voice steady and resolute. "The Council has ruled with an iron fist for too long. They've crushed anyone who dared to oppose them. It's time we stand together and fight back."

Key nods in agreement, his eyes flashing with determination. "We have the skills and the numbers. We can disrupt their communications, hack their systems, and turn their own technology against them."

Wendy adds, her voice filled with a quiet strength, "And I'll ensure we move swiftly and unseen through the city. The Council won't know what hit them."

Giselle, her muscles rippling with enchanted strength, clenches her fist. "Let them come. I'll take them all on."

Winter, slipping a dagger into her belt, grins. "And I'll make sure we get in and out without a trace."

Ningning conjures an illusion of the Council's command center, the room flickering with magical light. "I'll create distractions and keep them guessing. They won't know what's real and what's not."

Suddenly, the ground trembles as a group of Council enforcers burst into the chamber, having tracked your location. A fierce battle erupts, your newly formed resistance group immediately put to the test.

Irene moves with deadly precision, her training as a former enforcer evident in her swift, lethal strikes. She disarms an enemy and uses their weapon against them in a fluid motion. "We can’t let them break us now!" she shouts over the chaos.

Key and Wendy work in tandem, the hacker disrupting the enforcers’ communications while the wind mage creates a barrier of swirling air to deflect incoming attacks. "Watch your backs, I'm rerouting the turrets!" Key yells, fingers flying over his portable console.

Giselle charges forward, her enchanted strength allowing her to take on multiple enforcers at once. She lifts a heavy piece of debris and hurls it at the enemies, scattering them like bowling pins. "Is that all you've got?" she taunts, her voice ringing with confidence.

Winter darts through the fray, using her nimbleness to slip past the enforcers' defences. She appears behind them, striking with precision before vanishing into the shadows again. "Over here!" she calls, drawing their attention and leading them into traps.

Ningning weaves illusions that confuse and misdirect the enforcers, causing them to strike at phantoms and shadows. "This way, no, that way!" she giggles, enjoying the chaos she creates.

Karina, her eyes blazing with magical energy, unleashes a torrent of fire to keep the enforcers at bay. You join her, using your Disenchanter skills to neutralize their magical wards and weapons. Together, you form an impenetrable defence.

The battle is intense, the small chamber echoing with the sounds of clashing steel and explosive magic. Despite the surprise attack, your group fights with a fierce determination, each member holding their ground. One by one, the enforcers fall, and the chamber falls silent once more.

As the dust settles, you look around at your allies, their expressions a mix of relief and determination. "This was just a taste of what’s to come," you say, your voice steady. "We need to be ready for anything."

————————————————————

The night of the assault arrives. The resistance moves through the city in small, coordinated groups, avoiding detection as they make their way to the Council's command center. The air is thick with tension and anticipation.

You and Karina lead the main strike team, your hearts pounding as you approach the heavily fortified building. Using your Disenchanter skills, you disable the magical wards protecting the entrance, allowing the team to breach the outer defences.

Inside, a fierce battle erupts. The Council's guards and enforcers are well-trained and heavily armed, but the members of the resistance fight with a fierce determination born of desperation and hope. Spells and bullets fly, the clash of steel and the roar of magic filling the air.

Irene charges ahead, her combat skills unmatched as she takes down guard after guard. "We need to push forward!" she yells, her voice cutting through the chaos.

Key, tapping into the building’s security system, manages to turn some of the automated defences against the Council’s own forces. "Watch your backs, I'm rerouting the turrets!" he shouts, as the sound of automated gunfire joins the fray.

Wendy uses her control over the wind to disorient the guards, creating gusts that knock them off balance and leave them vulnerable. "Focus on the weak points!" she calls out, her voice carried by the wind.

Giselle charges through the enemy lines, her enchanted strength allowing her to overpower the guards with ease. She lifts a massive steel door, using it as a shield to block incoming fire. "Keep moving! I'll cover you!" she shouts.

Winter slips through the chaos, using her agility to navigate the tight spaces and flank the guards. She appears behind them, taking them out silently and efficiently. "We're almost there!" she calls, her voice a whisper in the tumult.

Ningning creates illusions that bewilder and distract the guards, making them strike at empty air or turn on each other. "Just a little more confusion," she murmurs, her fingers weaving intricate patterns in the air.

Karina, her magic blazing brighter than ever, fights by your side. Together, you make your way through the building, each step bringing you closer to the control room. You nullify the guards’ magical attacks while Karina counters with her own, creating a devastating combination.

The battle rages on, the corridors of the command center echoing with the sounds of conflict. Despite the overwhelming odds, your group fights with relentless determination, inching closer to your goal with every passing moment.

————————————————————

The final battle reaches its peak in the control room. The remaining Council leaders unleash their most powerful spells and weapons, determined to crush the rebellion once and for all.

You and Karina fight side by side, your movements perfectly synchronized. As you nullify the Council's spells, Karina counters with blasts of fire and lightning, her eyes burning with fierce determination.

Irene engages one of the leaders in a deadly dance of blades, her movements swift and precise. "You're going down!" she yells, striking with lethal accuracy.

Key, hacking into the command center's systems, disrupts their communications and disables their automated defenses. "I've got their security down! Focus on the leaders!" he calls out, sweat pouring down his face.

Wendy uses her wind magic to create a barrier, shielding the resistance from the leaders' attacks. "Hold the line!" she shouts, her voice carried by the wind.

Giselle charges at one of the leaders, her enchanted strength allowing her to overpower their defences. She grabs them and hurls them across the room, her voice a roar of defiance. "You're finished!"

Winter uses her agility to navigate the chaos, slipping through the tightest spaces to strike at the leaders from unexpected angles. "Keep them off balance!" she calls, her voice a whisper in the storm.

Ningning creates illusions that confuse and disorient the leaders, making them strike at phantoms and shadows. "They won't know what's real and what's not," she murmurs, her fingers weaving intricate patterns in the air.

The head of the Council, now cornered and desperate, summons a massive, swirling vortex of dark energy, aiming to destroy you all. You feel the pull of the dark magic, threatening to consume you.

But in that moment, you draw upon the power of the Nexus, channelling its raw energy to counter the dark spell. The two forces collide, creating a blinding explosion of light and dark.

Karina, sensing the moment of vulnerability, unleashes a powerful surge of magic that disrupts the vortex, causing it to collapse in on itself. "Now, Y/N! Finish it!" she yells, her voice filled with urgency.

With a surge of determination, you focus all your energy on the head of the Council, nullifying his dark magic and leaving him defenceless. Irene, Key, Wendy, Giselle, Winter, and Ningning join the final push, their combined efforts overwhelming the remaining Council members.

The head of the Council falls, his dark magic dissipating into the air. The command centre falls silent, the resistance standing victorious amid the wreckage. You and Karina share a triumphant look, knowing that the hardest part is over but that the fight for New Arcadia's future has only just begun.

————————————————————

In the aftermath of the battle, the resistance works to stabilise the city and establish a new order. You and Karina play key roles in the rebuilding efforts, using your skills and knowledge to help create a fairer, more just society.

The people of New Arcadia, inspired by your courage and determination, begin to rally around the new leadership. The city's magical misfits and outcasts find new hope and purpose, their talents and abilities finally recognized and valued.

One day, as you and Karina oversee the reconstruction of a devastated neighborhood, a young girl approaches you. Her eyes are wide with adIrenetion, and she clutches a small, hand-drawn picture of you and Karina fighting the Council.

"Thank you for saving us," she says, her voice filled with sincerity. "You're heroes."

You kneel down to her level, smiling. "We did it together. And now, it's up to all of us to make sure New Arcadia remains a place where everyone is free."

Karina places a hand on your shoulder, her expression filled with pride. "We've come a long way, Y/N. And we still have a lot of work to do. But I know we can build a better future."

————————————————————

As the city begins to heal, you and Karina take a moment to reflect on how far you’ve come. The bond between you has grown stronger, forged in the fires of battle and tempered by shared struggles and triumphs. The neon lights of New Arcadia shimmer in the distance, painting the night sky with vibrant hues.

Standing on a rooftop overlooking the city, you can hear the distant hum of life below, the mix of magic and technology creating an enchanting symphony. You turn to Karina, her face illuminated by the soft glow of the lights, and feel a rush of warmth.

With a soft smile, Karina gazes into your eyes, her expression a mixture of vulnerability and strength. “Y/N,” she starts, her voice barely above a whisper, “after everything we’ve been through, I feel like I’ve found a part of myself again. And that’s because of you.”

Your heart swells at her words, and you take a step closer, closing the distance between you. “I feel the same way, Karina. You’ve brought light back into my life when I thought it was lost forever.” The sincerity in your voice resonates in the quiet night.

She reaches up, cupping your face in her hands, her thumbs brushing your cheek. “I know we’ve faced so much uncertainty, but I want you to know that I love you, Y/N. I truly do.” Her confession hangs in the air, filled with the weight of truth.

You smile, warmth spreading through your chest. “I love you too, Karina. With all my heart.” The words come out effortlessly, a promise wrapped in passion and commitment.

With a gentle smile, you tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “What’s next for us?” you ask, your heart racing at the thought of the future.

Karina’s eyes glimmer with excitement, and she takes a step closer, her breath mingling with the cool night air. “Whatever it is, we’ll face it together. Always.” Her voice is filled with determination, but there’s also a tenderness that makes your heart swell.

You lean in, and the world around you fades away. At that moment, nothing else matters but the two of you. As your lips meet, it’s as if the city itself holds its breath. The kiss is soft at first, a gentle exploration, but it deepens, fueled by the unspoken promise of adventure and the intensity of your shared experiences.

When you finally pull away, both of you are breathless, the city lights reflecting in her eyes like a thousand stars. “I never thought I’d find someone like you in all this chaos,” you whisper, your forehead resting against hers.

Karina chuckles softly, her breath warm against your skin. “And I never thought I’d get a second chance to be with you.” Her fingers intertwined with yours, and you can feel the strength and comfort in her grip.

“I know there will be challenges ahead, but as long as we’re together, I’m ready to face them,” you say, your heart steady with resolve.

Karina nods, a playful smile lighting up her face. “Let’s make a pact. No matter what happens, we never lose sight of each other. Promise?”

“Promise,” you reply, sealing it with another kiss, this one filled with hope and longing. You pull back slightly, studying her face, and in that moment, you realize how lucky you are to have found love amidst the chaos.

As the night deepens, you both take a moment to savor the city’s magic—the flickering lights, the distant sounds of laughter, and the vibrant energy that surrounds you. Hand in hand, you step into the night, the world unfolding before you like a canvas waiting to be painted with your adventures.

With Karina by your side, you’re ready to embrace whatever the future holds—be it danger, excitement, or the sweet moments of peace in between. Together, you’ll write a new story, one filled with passion, courage, and endless possibilities. And as you walk towards the horizon, you know this is just the beginning of your incredible journey.

[shoyudon]

DON'T STICK YOUR HAND UP THE VENDING MACHINE .ᐟ

starring. toji fushiguro x fem! reader

heads up. cursing

note. I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS CAME UP TO ME SO SUDDENLY? BUT IT DID AND IT WOULD BE SO SAD IF I DIDN'T WRITE IT SKJDKJSK

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who received a call from the mall he works in because apparently someone's arm got stuck inside a vending machine right in the basement parking before he was going to go home from a long day.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who saw you sitting down on the floor in front of the vending machine, your head leaning on it — he could hear a string of curses escaping from your mouth as you moved your arm a bit. frankly, he finds it pretty funny that you were owning up to the consequences of your own actions.

"has nobody told you that y'r not supposed to put your hand up the vending machine?" toji mutters, almost satisfied.

you rolled your eyes, "just get me out of this."

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who had to endure at least the next fifteen minutes of you complaining about the same vending machine that you got stuck in, from the start of the alphabet till' the end.

"this thing ate my money, there's no way 'm leaving without my drink. stupid vending machine," you muttered out — toji trying his best to get your arm out without trying to possibly hurt you. honestly, he could care less about you getting hurt; he just didn't want his paycheck to be cut for your medication bills.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who finally got your arm out after half an hour, and got your drink out for you to shut you up from more complaints. it was a can of cold black coffee, which was what you needed after a twelve hours shift.

"thanks," you tell him — shoving the can of coffee inside your bag, "uh . . . do i need to pay for getting my arm out or should i just like . . . leave?"

he scoffs, "leave."

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who only got back to his apartment two hours later than usual because you decided it was the best time to get your arm stuck in the vending machine over ¥120 (approximately $0.77).

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who got a glass of boba from your workplace the next day because you felt bad he had to waste his time helping you after you got stuck. in your defense, you didn't want to waste your money.

"uh, i don't know if you like boba — i made it less sugar since you don't seem like the type to eat a lot of sugar, you know?" you pointed at his build, "but thanks for helping me last night."

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who begrudgingly accepted your drink and scoffed when he tasted it, 'less sugar' he thought taking another sip, biting onto the chewy boba coated with brown sugar liquid.

you were right about one thing, how he doesn't really like consuming too much sugar. despite the drink being 'less sugar' he still thought there was too much sugar — and despite that, he still managed to finish a whole glass of it, even chewing the last bit of ice.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who actually saw you in your workplace when he was called to fix a vending machine inside the mall. taking in a customer's order, looking really stressed when more customers decided to pop in. huffing, he decided to stop by just to mess with you.

"so . . . what's the best thing y'got in here?" he mutters.

you look at him, eyes narrowed. but this was him, the vending machine maintenance as your customer, "brown sugar boba, fresh milk red bean matcha boba, red bean mochi fresh milk," you explained, pointing to every picture on the menu you just mentioned.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who decided it was best to mess with you even more, bringing back his complaint about the drink you made him this morning.

"red bean mochi fresh milk, less sugar." toji underlines, taking out his wallet — even if he didn't want to buy a glass of sugar after drinking one earlier this morning.

"that will be ¥320 (approximately $2.07), please."

he huffs, "people pay that much for a glass of sugar?" and then he slid a couple of bills towards you.

"you're paying that much for sugar, you're one to say," you retort back, opening the cash register to return back his change and a small paper of his bill.

"one star for bad service," he muttered, grabbing back his change.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who for some reason, gets the most random call from inside the mall asking for the vending machine to be fixed. maybe because he doesn't fix them whole-heartedly just so he could mess with you by ordering the most outrageous drinks — at first it started out as little mocking smiles, and gestures.

but he felt as if that wasn't enough, so he decided to take a step further by messing with you on your job, urging you to make the smallest mistakes.

"brown sugar boba, with ten percent of brown sugar liquid. and five percent of sugar. if it's too sweet, i want my money back," he grunted. he meant to tease you — but the way he said it made him sound so serious that you were nervous about messing up his order.

even if he did say that he would return it every single time, he never really does.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who saw a customer complaint over something you didn't make — and he couldn't really do anything except watch. it wasn't like he was about to risk his own job by creating a scene in a boba shop. he sipped away on his order, which in his opinion was still too sweet, but he said nothing.

"i asked for no sugar, why is this still so sweet?" a man complains, raising up his royal milk tea with boba; which toji could see is half-empty. hell, the man's still chewing on his boba as he speaks.

"i apologize sir, but even our base milk tea powders are still a bit sweet, that's where the sweetness is coming from," you explained, looking at him apologetically, "would you like me to do anything for you, sir?"

the man grunted, "no, it's just disappointing," he muttered out, shooting you a dirty look before turning to leave the shop — toji eyed the male but said nothing. he was glad his work didn't require him to communicate with people besides getting a call to fix a machine.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who actually stopped messing with you and just drops by to order his drinks because he noticed how stressed you look at that man's complaint. he just didn't want to be the reason why you get fired.

"brown sugar boba, make it less sweet," he muttered — shoving his hand down into his pocket to grab the exact change he needed to pay.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who actually took a two weeks break from buying your boba because he was actually afraid he'd get diabetes from the huge amount of sugar he was consuming in such a short amount of time.

and you seek for his appearance — which never happened, until he decided to come back while you were sitting down on the floor, shoving your face into the instant ramen you bought from the convenience store this morning before your shift.

"oh! it's you, you came back!" you put the cup on top of the counter and wiped your hands, walking towards the cashier.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who spent most of his time in the boba shop until he's called somewhere else. he'd usually spend his hours inside the maintenance staff room on the secluded part of the mall, but now? he wastes his time inside a small boba shop in the middle of the mall; even if he said nothing or you were too busy to talk to him.

he still stayed because he likes it there, even without you both talking. he didn't feel as lonely as the hours spent inside the staff room alone.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who actually enjoyed it when you strike conversations with him during the peaceful flow of the boba shop, asking the most random questions from his zodiac sign to his favorite soda flavor, or his favorite way to eat eggs.

"i like sunny side ups, they're good," you tell him, wiping the sweat that was forming on your forehead — the both of you ended up talking about your schedules and shifts of work, which you both find out how the both of you mostly have 12 hours shifts.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who actually found you stranded after a shift because you missed the last bus, and he ended up giving you a ride on his old motorcycle. he's never really had a human backpack behind him on his motorcycle, so he didn't really care about speeding — at least until you told him to slow down a bit because it was a bit scary.

"thanks for the ride, toji. i owe you another one, how about a drink tomorrow? just make sure to drop by, 'ts on the house!" you gave him a thumbs up, giving back the only helmet that he made you use.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who actually came back to your shop the very next day to get that free drink of his from you — and this time, you managed to make it just right. not too sweet, he could get used to that.

"i like this one, 'ts not too sweet," he comments, raising up the glass of boba drink, "why couldn't ya' make me one like this since the beginning when i asked for less sugar?" he asked you.

"because that's my own recipe. 'ts not on the menu, but i'm still paying for it, y'know?" you raised your brows, eyeing him from inside the bar, "i wanna open my own boba shop in the future, it's fun."

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who actually became your personal driver because he was the one who asked you to. even if you declined at first since you didn't want to burden him — but he actually insisted, surprising.

"don't care, we're goin' the same direction anyways," he handed you a helmet (that he actually rummaged through the garage through for, washed it, and dried it just for you), "the bus' full of weirdos at night."

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who managed to get close to you in the next few months; he never did expect it, him getting close to a girl, but he was actually kind of glad he did get close to you.

"hey toji, eat lunch with me. i'm on break right now!" you peeked inside the maintenance staff room where he sat, a water bottle in his grasp. he'd usually decline, hell, he even declined his co-workers— but you? he could only sigh and gave out a curt nod, "look what i got."

toji hated everyone. but when you came into his world, he could make exceptions.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who hated it when he feels his heart flutter, he doesn't like the way his stomach churns every time he sees you do anything or see you in general. the way he craves for more of your smile, your laugh, everything about you. it made him feel uneasy— especially when he's never felt all that before.

it was a strange feeling to him, and he didn't like it. toji's never one for relationships, love, and all that. he doesn't know how to do it, he was afraid he'd end up hurting you instead. maybe, maybe that's why he decided to put some distance between the both of you.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who always fixes vending machines inside the mall the right way, making sure he doesn't have to go back in and see your face. as much as he wanted to, he didn't want to see you and feel the fluttering all over again when he's tried so hard to stop it (which wasn't working, by the way).

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who tries not to spend time inside the maintenance staff room because he knew you'd always try to come see him there during times when he wasn't idling by your work place. he felt bad every time his co-worker told him that you came by looking for him.

"hey fushiguro, i forgot to tell you, the boba girl was looking for you again this afternoon," his co-worker informed, putting on his jacket, ready to leave.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who kept this on for at least the next three months. everywhere you were, he turns away and walk the other way making sure the both of you won't bump into each other. don't think you didn't notice his act though, noticing how he stopped replying to your messages, how he doesn't come up to meet you in your work place anymore, or how he walks by your shop like he doesn't know you every time he was asked to fix a machine inside the shop.

you wondered if you did something that might made him mad at you — but no matter what, you just couldn't figure out what. and if he wasn't willing to talk to you, hell, even spare a glance at you, how were you going to find out.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who grumbled under his breath when he got a call right as he was about to clock out of work. begrudgingly walking down towards the basement where the vending machine was; god, people just had to ruin his day.

opening the basement door, there he saw you— sitting on the ground with an arm stuck inside the vending machine. a case of deja vu, this was exactly like how you both met.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who was silent while he was working out on your arm, wondering why in the hell would you try to reach up for a drink even after the first time you got yourself stuck. but he said nothing anyways. you did.

"are you gonna talk to me now?" you ask him while he was trying to free your arm, "i wasted my money to get my arm stuck and you're still not willing to talk to me?"

he almost scoffed, you did this on purpose, "so you did this on purpose?"

"no, i had a purpose. why're you ignoring me like we don't know each other? tell me what i did wrong so i can fix it," you mutter out angrily, crossing an arm across your chest, "you just ghosted me, why?"

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who didn't think it mattered a lot to you — but seeing to this extent you'd go, he could only shut his mouth. letting his hand do the freeing.

"so, you're just gonna act like we're strangers? 'kay, fine by me then," you reply, deciding to shut up for the rest of the procedure, waiting for him to free your arm.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who decided it was the best timing to confess to you, who had one arm up stuck inside a vending machine. all because he just wanted to get rid of the burden on his mind about you.

"listen, i get this feelin' every time i'm near you. and i don't fuckin' like it, makes me feel all warm and soft. i fuckin' hate it. i don't hate you, jus' don't get the wrong idea or shit." he muttered, pulling your arm out from the machine — packing his stuff up to leave.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who got stopped by you when he was about to leave for the night.

"'s that a confession or what? if you're going to confess, the least you could do is do it right. that was lame," you tell him, holding onto the hem of his shirt, "do it all over, with nicer words, and a nicer tone."

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who shook his head, not wanting to repeat his moment of vulnerability to the first person he was most vulnerable most. toji hated being so weak in front of people, especially you.

"no, who said 't was a confession anyways?" he questions, obviously a lie, looking at you with a raised brow.

you let go of his shirt and waved your hand, "fine then, let's not speak anymore since you want it to be that way," he stares at your back in confusion as you try to walk away out of the basement, "goodbye," you mutter out, a bit of hope that he'd stop you.

which he did, and you breathe out in relief, "'ts late, the last bus left already. i'll drop you at home," he murmurs out, scratching his nape.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who handed you the same helmet you usually wore, never getting rid of it in the first place. bringing you home for the first time after three months — nobody spoke a word to each other, and it was definitely awkward. hopping off his bike, you returned back the helmet to him and began walking back towards your house.

"hey," he calls out to you.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who sucked up his ego and confessed to you in a "nicer" way and tone like you told him to. and he of course, managed to butcher it up again.

"i don't fuckin' hate you. i just tolerate you more than i tolerate other people," he retorts. seeing the unimpressed look on your face made him think twice, "okay. i like you, just— bye," and then he left just like that without trying to hear your reply.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who didn't expect a glass of boba on his staff room with a small note, and he knew it was from you.

'i like you too, why did you leave last night?'

because he was scared you'd reject him, that's why. but now that you made it clear that you weren't going to reject him, he was more relaxed. but the thought of meeting you face to face after last night made him nervous all over.

VENDING MACHINE MAINTENANCE! TOJI who was actually surprised when you weren't as awkward as he is upon meeting him after last night. peeking your head inside the staff room like the usual — he turned to look and there you were already jumping onto him.

"hey! why did you leave so fast last night? i didn't even get to answer you yet," he grumbled under his breath when you brought it up yet again.

"because i was afraid y're gonna reject me, happy?" he asks, "but you didn't so 'm not afraid anymore, i guess."

"what does this make us?" you replied back playfully, nudging his bicep with your elbow, "hm? hm?"

"friends," he teased, his face flat.

"hey!"

© shoyudon 2024 . no copying or reposting allowed !

[laughing-with-god]

Unsaid Vow I

(This is the first 1.7k of the 10k chapter that is available right now on my Patreon. Please join for early access plus beta content!)

Synopsis: You always knew when you weren't wanted. And the way things are going in your marriage with Jungkook, a divorce is looking more and more likely. While he's getting closer to a woman at work that you're certain he's having an affair with, you're planning your escape with your four-year-old son. However, five years of marriage did not expose you to a certain side of your husband. A side of Jungkook that only gets triggered when you try to leave and break apart your perfect 'family'.

Warnings: Yandere behavior, graphic language, violence/murder, women bashing on other women, heavily implied infidelity, bad parenting, absent father, broken family vibes, very slow buildup bc Jungkook doesn't really snap until you leave him so just give him a min lol, inexperienced author writing for a five-year-old.

Also looking for new fic art for this if anyone's interested!!

Read first: Prologue

“I’m a grown man.”

These were the words that greeted you and effectively pulled you out of your weary slumber.  

You drowsily rubbed your eyes and rolled over, yawning as you took in the sight of your son staring at you bemusedly from beside your bed.  

If you weren’t used to this behavior from Hugo already, you perhaps would've screamed at the sudden creepy sight of a child with a solemn expression saying odd things to you before the sun has even risen.  Yet, you have grown accustomed to the old man your toddler was.  

“Good morning to you too, bud.”  You groaned tiredly, already searching your thick bedding for your phone in order to check the time.  Your alarm hadn’t even gone off yet, which told you it was earlier than you had originally planned to wake up.  But what was the point of having plans when you had a child?  They had a talent for ruining them.  

“I’m five today.”  Hugo ignored your greeting, getting right into the point with furrowed brows as he held up all five fingers, each one representing a year of his life.  

“Yup, I know dumpling.”  You chuckled, finally pulling out your phone and opening it to see  ‘6:03 am” staring back at you.  “Believe it or not, the day you were born was quite memorable for me too.”  

You cringed as you thought of the 20 hour labor that preceded Hugo’s birth.   How could you ever forget that hellish day?  

“Mom, it’s my birthday.”  Hugo told you, tone serious as a heart attack.  

“Yes, happy birthday love.”  You smiled at your son, trying not to let him see the exhaustion you secretly felt.  “I suppose there’s no way I can talk you into going back to bed for another hour or so?”  

“No. You always say ‘the day starts when I first open my eyes in the morning”.  Your son parroted the saying back to you with a proud grin.  

Hugo once went through a phase where he wouldn’t want to leave the bed after waking up, simply wanting to stay in pj’s all day long and watch cartoons amongst his stuffies. 

It took a while to get your little homebody to actually stop this habit and begin getting up to ready himself for the day whenever he woke up.  You used to tell him that the day starts whenever he opens his eyes in the morning, however on days like these where he wakes up super early, he now does not see the point in lying in.  

“Right, that is a good point.”  You softly relented, mentally scolding yourself for yet another parenting tactic backfired.  “How does some breakfast sound?”

“Mom, I have a prop-pre-preposaa-”  

“Proposal?”  You offered, swinging your legs off the side of your bed.  

“Yeah, that.”  Hugo nodded to himself, most likely taking note of the proper pronunciation of the word so he can use it again in conversation.  “I think it’s time we talk about coffee.”

“Coffee?”  

“You and daddy are always saying that coffee is for grownups.  Today I’m five, which means I’m older, which means I should be able to have coffee.”  Hugo reasoned this to you while twiddling his thumbs, a nervous habit he does when he wants you to say yes to something he knows is unrealistic.  

“Mmm...”  You hummed, pretending to think hard about the offer.  “What if I gave you a very light coffee?  A beginner version to get you ready for the real thing when you’re older?”  

Hugo looked conflicted, but after reading your face and correctly assuming that’s the best he was going to get, he nodded solemnly in reluctant agreement.  

With one final huff you shoved yourself off the king sized bed, standing to your full height and throwing your arms up in a stretch.  “Why don’t you wait in the living room for me bud?  I’ll be right out.”  

The freshly turned five year old happily nodded up at you before exiting your bedroom, leaving you alone once again.  

You turned your attention back to the bed in which you just rose out of.  More particularly, you stared at the other side of the bed, the side in which your husband was supposed to sleep on. 

It was a direct opposite of your messy side, crisp and neatly made; the fluffy pillows, pressed sheets and silk duvet being perfectly in place.  Yet, this wasn’t an ode to Jungkook’s neatness and attention to detail.  

No.  

Jungkook hasn’t been sleeping in the same bed as you for a while now.  

Your husband always preferred to rise early, given he was a man who liked to follow a strict morning regime which could easily be thrown off if he slept in even a minute later.  Up at 5:30. teeth brushed and face shaved by 5:40.  Breakfast, coffee and newspaper consumed by 6:00.  

Then right before taking his leave, Jungkook would pack himself a bag of work clothes and make a quick protein shake, given he would then head to the gym where he would get his morning workout and shower from.  Then from the gym, he would head straight to work.  

A few months ago, he suggested sleeping in the guest room.

You had asked why, bewildered at the request.  

Sure, you two didn’t really cuddle anymore. Sex was also rare. But you figured that the least you could do as husband and wife was sleep in the same bed amicably. Had you started kicking him in your sleep or something?

“I’d notice you begin to kinda stir when I first get up and go about my routine.  I don’t want to wake you up or be a bother.”  He had said.  

That didn’t really make sense to you.  

You have always been a deep sleeper. And even if you did wake up for a second, you’d clearly see your husband getting ready for the day, roll over and go back to sleep.  

It was such a lame excuse, you just shrugged and bitterly told him that he hogged the blankets anyway.  

It wasn’t true, but Jungkook didn’t comment.  

You trudged over to the ensuite bathroom and quickly did your morning routine.  

When you came out of your room and into the living space, you saw Hugo glued to the giant flat screen in a trance-like state as he watched his usual morning cartoons.  The sight tugged a small smile out of you, although the mother in you didn’t like how close he was.

“Hugo, back up from the screen! Bluey isn’t going anywhere. Your eyes will go bad.”  Your son wordlessly obliged and scooted back, not breaking eye contact with his favorite family of puppies.  “What would you like for breakfast ‘Mr. grown man’?”  

“Blueberry pancakes…and don’t forget my coffee!”  

“You got it, birthday boy.” 

The kitchen, dining and living room were open concept, so you multi-tasked watching Hugo while whipping up his breakfast.  You never were much of a cook and you still aren’t even after motherhood, but you did commit to learning your son’s favorite dishes.

The process was over quickly, you having made this recipe countless times and knowing it like the back of your hand.  

You set a plate on the island table, calling Hugo over while you secretly mixed some instant hot chocolate in a mug.  

The five year old jumped up and grinned at the meal, saying a quick “thank you” before digging in with all the grace a five year old could possibly have.  

“And of course, your coffee.”  You tried not to smile as you handed him the cup.

“Thanks mama.”  

The mini-Jungkook took a gulp, then stared seriously at the contents of the mug, swishing it around in some faux detective work.  

“Something wrong, dumpling?”

“It tastes…fa-fam-”

“Familiar?”  

“Yes. Is coffee always this sweet?”  

You laughed, now moving to the real coffee maker to make your own cup.  “No, this is the kid version.  It might taste like chocolate because chocolate has caffeine in it too.”  

Your little old man huffed to himself but nodded in agreement, simply not knowing enough to dispute your logic.  

Your old coffeemaker grumbled awake, croaking and hissing as you pressed the worn-out buttons for your usual morning brew.  Jungkook always made fun of you for the ancient machine, but even after he had bought a much more expensive and up-to-date one, you stubbornly remained loyal to yours.  

“So buddy, what do you want to do today?  We can go get new books, hit up the toy store, maybe even visit the aquarium?”  

“I wanna help set up for my party, mommy.” 

Well, “party” wasn’t quite the right word for it.  

Hugo had no friends.  It was tough for a kid like him to make any.  At this age and as a boy, most of his peers would meet and form relationships in little league or rough housing at the local park. 

Your son was different.  He preferred reading to sports, hated the outdoors and was generally a shy kid who tended to tear up when anyone other than his family tried speaking to him.  

So this year, his birthday party was an intimate circle of family and family friends.  You hoped that by next year you could host an actual kid birthday party, as Hugo would be in school and have classmates by then. 

“That’s very sweet of you, but there’s time to do both.”  The boy looked at you skeptically.  “We can go to the bookstore across the street after breakfast and I’ll let you pick out some new bedtime stories.  Then we can go to the aquarium and have lunch there. And on our way home I’ll stop by the store to get some stuff for the party, and you can get a toy.  Sounds good?”  

Hugo frowned, then peeled back his pajama sleeve to look at his submarine-themed watch.  The act seemed a little pretentious to you, given he didn’t yet know how to read clocks.  

“Fine mommy, but we should be quick.  Also you need to ask our guests if they have any food aler-alergeez-”

“Allergies?  Yes bud, I’ll be sure to send them a text.”  You rolled your eyes.

With that, Hugo quietly finished his breakfast as you sipped your coffee.  

When you two were done, you both got dressed and ready for the day’s activities. 

Before leaving the apartment, you were sure to send a text to your husband.  

‘Be home by 6 please.  Hugo’s birthday party starts at 6:30 and he needs you there.’