#we are strong in numbers and you all definitely make me feel stronger

[littlegildedswallow]

got dogpiled by men defending pedophilic beauty standards on twitter today, and instead of the usual worry/anger/frustration I'd feel, all I want to do is laugh because they're FUMING and they KNOW I'm right. is this what growth is, gyns ?

[angelwings-crossbowstrings]

Blood Ties Chapter 29

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Slightly graphic depictions of labor and childbirth A/N: Maybe a cliffhanger. Maybe not. You'll have to read to find out! ;) Daryl is definitely ooc in this. I'm sorry, I tried to get as close as I could to how he might react. Also, the saying he uses is one we use in the south that means "how is that relevant?" You'll know it when you read it, lol.

“About 4cm now. Progressing nicely.” Hershel informed, wiping his hands on a cloth that Carol had provided. 

Rick and T-Dog were out doing yet another night run in the van. It was also low on fuel but the map showed another town close by. Fuel, gloves, and other necessities were on the list. Glenn was on watch with Daryl for backup if anything happened. It wasn’t an ideal situation but it couldn’t be helped.

Thumper was calling the shots at that point. 

Before the men had left, Daryl had confiscated all the blankets except for those that were for Lori and Carl. When Glenn began to complain, one look from the anxiety-driven archer had brought the young man very close to hiding behind Rick. While some blankets were used for your comfort, others were fashioned into a tent-like structure over the bare branches of a decently sized bush. You needed some sense of privacy. 

Carol and Lori had dug through the maternity clothes that hadn’t been lost on the road and found a button up dress. It was comfortable and made things much easier than leggings. 

After your immediate needs had been met, Daryl then perched himself just beside your shoulder and hadn’t moved since. 

“S’the number we’re aimin’ for?” He asked with frustration lacing his tone, making sure the blankets were back over you and tucked tight to keep you warm. He had been muttering to himself how he wished he had made time to read the rest of the books. Daryl was not a man that liked being in the dark on anything. It made him feel helpless, as you had learned over the last several months. 

“She needs to be at 10cm and the baby needs to be in the correct position before she can push.” The old man positioned the ear tubes of the stethoscope before pressing it against several spots on your belly. “Heart beat is strong. Everything is looking good.”

You had remained quiet until that moment. “Do I just—I don’t know—lay here?”

“Walking encourages the cervix to dilate and soften. Once you dilate a little further, the contractions will likely be stronger, whether painful or not.” The calmness that man practiced really made you want to strangle him with that stethoscope. “Make sure you don’t go alone, and—”

“She ain’t.” Daryl snapped. 

Hershel shot him an admonishing look. “As I was saying, take breaks. Sleep when you can. I’ll check you periodically. You’ll need to keep timing the contractions, son.” Daryl nodded. “Sip small amounts of water, no food. Keep me informed of any changes. And as unpleasant as it may sound, if you feel the pressure and urge as if you may need to have a bowel movement, call for me immediately.”

You, as well as Daryl, reared back, lips curling. 

“The fuck that gotta do with the price’a fish?” The archer queried, not so nicely. 

“Settle down. The pressure from the baby’s head moving into the birth canal can feel similar to that.” Shaking his head, Hershel shuffled his way out of your tiny tent. 

Finally alone, you turned onto your side and scooted your upper body toward Daryl. He stretched out his legs so you could rest on his thigh. 

“Get some rest.” His hand wiggled beneath the blanket and rubbed up and down the length of your upper arm, but moved to your belly when another contraction took over. Without prompting, he slid his warm palm around to your lower back and applied the least bit of pressure, rubbing small circles. You buried your face into his thigh to ride it out, but you had to admit the light massaging helped, if only a little. 

“You’re supposed to be—” You were panting when you rolled your head to remind him, but found the watch already lifted to eye level, his gaze shifting from it to your stomach. 

“Sleep if ya can. I got this.” His brow was furrowed in concentration, your heart swelling and warm. Any worry you had entertained of him running when things got real, just gone in an instant. He was there. He was there. 

“I’ll try.” You whispered, the pain finally an afterthought. You felt him slide his hand back to the side of your stomach before you let yourself succumb to exhaustion. 

“Sorry, Sunshine. Doc says up, so up ya get.”

You let Daryl take your dead weight and pull you up by a grip beneath your arms, making it as difficult as possible so you might get to stay in your warm little nest. You were still at 4cm. Hershel had said you had to start walking to help labor progress. 

“This isn’t fair.” You whined, rubbing your back once you were upright. The pain that accompanied each contraction had lessened but was still ever present. “Can’t you walk and I dilate?”

Daryl snorted. “Don’t think that’s how it works.” He placed a careful hand on the small of your back and kept your pace, slow as it was. 

“Okay, then how about if it gets worse, I kick you in the balls and punch you in the kidneys so you can participate properly?” You were only half joking. 

“If it gets ya through this, I guess.” The archer shrugged. You regarded him with a skeptical brow arched. 

“You’d really let me do that?”

“Hell nah, but s’the thought that counts or some shit like that, right?” He didn’t even try to dodge the smack you aimed at his shoulder. 

“You’re hilarious.” You deadpanned, even as you leaned into him while you strolled in circles around the perimeter. The moonlight caught the watch in his right hand, his finger tapping against the casing. Bless him, he was taking his role of supportive partner very seriously. You gasped when the next contraction came, stopping to bend slightly and breathe through it while Daryl secured an arm around you and flipped open the watch. 

When it was clear you weren’t falling, he slid his hand to the middle of your back and massaged the length of your spine using gentle pressure from the heel of his palm. He never said much—if anything—during the episodes themselves, but kept you informed of the timing of each one. 

“Oh, goddamnit, this one sucks.” You managed through clenched teeth. You swayed slightly when it was over, grasping blindly for the man next to you. 

“Thirteen minutes since the last’un. A minute, twelve.” He was slow and careful when turning you back toward camp. “Let’s getcha back to Hershel.” 

You shook your head. “One last loop, then we can go back.” Daryl didn’t say anything but you felt him tense. “I’m sure. They’re just getting a little more painful in the stomach, less in the back.” 

He still hesitated. “Alright. One more.”

Hershel stepped into your path before you started the second loop, allowing Daryl to fill him in on the last contraction. 

“Do one more. Rest. And then again.” The old man ordered curtly. 

Once he had vanished back toward the small fire, you mocked his words. “Rest and then again.” Daryl shook his head beside you. “I mean seriously, how much help can walking actually be?”

“Fuuuuuck!” You were digging your fingers into the blankets below you, swatting away Carol’s hand when she tried to dab your face with a piece of cloth. Daryl was sitting beside you, wide-eyed and lost, the watch forgotten by his leg. Hershel was between your knees, sporting his medical gloves that had been brought back by Rick and T-Dog. 

The archer cleared his throat. “She alright?” 

“Do I look alright, Daryl?!” You hissed, making an admirable attempt at breathing the way Carol was instructing. The contraction finally ended and you fell back onto the folded blankets. “I’m sorry.” You found his worried blue eyes easily and fumbled for his hand. 

“S’okay.” He whispered, rubbing your knuckles with his thumb. 

“She’s at 6cm. We can still time the contractions but I think she may need your attention more than that watch does now.” Hershel reached for the item and placed it in his pocket once Daryl handed it over. “Keep moving but stay closer, no more perimeter walks.”

Daryl nodded, you whimpered. 

“I’ll be back soon to check again. If we’re lucky, things will move a little faster now that you’re in active labor.” Hershel left the tent while Carol fixed your dress. 

“I know it hurts, but you two will have little Thumper in your arms in just a matter of hours.” She smoothed your hair and tucked it behind your ears. “You’re doing great.”

“I don’t feel like I’m doing great.” You murmured, ducking your head almost bashfully. “I’m really sorry I snapped at you, Daryl. It just—well, it hurts and it’s hard to think.”

“Ain’t mad.” He tried for a half smile but it was weak. “Better than gettin’ kicked in the balls, I reckon.” You laughed and squeezed his hand. “Guess we oughtta getcha up again.”

“I’ll help.” Carol offered. You could see that a refusal was on the tip of Daryl’s tongue but he never voiced it. With Carol under one arm and Daryl under the other, you were pulled upright. 

Your body already felt wrung out and sore, and the epic finale hadn’t even begun. Still, you allowed Carol to pass you off to Daryl. 

“We movin’ on? Be better to find a house or somethin’.” He looped an arm around your back, following as you shuffled your way around. 

Carol shrugged, not touching you but keeping up with your small strides. “Both vehicles have fuel but Hershel isn’t sure we should move her. He thinks the baby will come soon and she needs to be kept in one place.”

You groaned, letting your head fall back in frustration. “She is right here. And if my opinion matters, I’d rather not—” The contraction came on strong, halting you suddenly with your hand fisting into the lower part of Daryl’s vest. The archer stepped around in front of you, rough but gentle hands grasping your wrists to guide your arms to his shoulders. 

“Try to breathe. Sometimes humming or even moaning helps, like an outlet.” Carol advised while rubbing your back. 

Your head fell forward against Daryl’s chest, a deep but quiet moan muffled against the firm muscle beyond his shirt. His hands had fallen to your hips, his body followed you as you swayed back and forth. The episodes were growing more intense, coming closer together and lasting longer. It wasn’t difficult to surmise that things would be growing more difficult to handle. 

“Ain’t nothin’ we can do for ‘er?” Daryl asked quietly above you, each word blowing his warm breath over the top of your head. Carol must have answered in the negative because his fingers flexed against your hips. 

The skin of your belly was pulled so tightly that you swore it would tear open, the muscles feeling as if they would pulse right out of the gaping hole your torn flesh would leave. 

“Shit.” You whimpered, your voice finding its way back during the last dregs of pain. You almost didn’t register warm hands gliding up and down your sides, a smaller hand on your back. “I don’t want to have the baby here.” You argued weakly. “It’s too open. Things will be too chaotic, too loud.”

“I know, Sunshine, but the doc says—”

“I don’t want to risk Thumper here in the open, Daryl. With—with walkers or people.” With enough strength having returned after the pain, you lifted your head, eyes pleading. “Please.”

The archer was visibly upset. He was just as vulnerable as you were at that moment, torn between what he felt was right and what Hershel said was for the best. His tongue wet his bottom lip before he pulled it in between his teeth, looking to Carol for guidance. 

“Could lay down the seats in the van. Use the back.” He suggested. “Plenty’a room an’ if we need to move fast—”

“I don’t think that’s unreasonable.” Carol agreed, rubbing your back in a few soft strokes before beginning to move away. “I’ll go talk to Hershel. You two keep walking.”

You watched her go, turning your gaze up to Daryl when he shifted back to your side to urge you along. “Gotta keep movin’.” You groaned, dragging your feet with your head falling back in frustration. 

You were in the middle of a contraction, when you heard it. A snarl, a raspy growl much too close. You were already clinging to Daryl and breathing through the pain that was readying your body for Thumper’s arrival, but you’d have to let him go. He had to protect the baby. And to do that, he had to protect you. 

But he didn’t move. He was nearly vibrating, rigid beneath your hands on his shoulders. He was just as scared as you were, even more so. He knew he could take the walker but that would mean letting you go. He needed to protect you but he wanted to support you. He had told you he'd never let you fall and you knew he had meant it.

“Go.” Your hands slid from his shoulders, down his chest before they released him completely to clutch your belly.

His boots disappeared from your view of the ground but you couldn’t focus after that. The pain was growing in intensity, immobilizing you with your lips tightly pressed to withhold the cries that vibrated behind your teeth for release. You couldn’t, you just couldn’t make a sound. You’d attract more, endanger everyone. You’d endanger Thumper. Daryl. 

There were scuffles. More snarls. Tears were threatening your waterline. Pain was coursing through you like a serpent, slithering around each muscle and tendon and pulling them tight. You felt disappointment and guilt over all the agony when your mouth fell open with a guttural moan, your will to cut off the scream that begged to follow barely holding true. 

“D—Daryl.” You cried out. And he was there, hands on your face, your biceps, your belly. 

“M’here. M’here. Gotta move, though.” He swept you up with the slightest strained noise. “Gonna getcha to the van. Gonna find somewhere safe for ya.” The pain was fading. You could focus on the dark blood on his face, the dirt and grime. 

“Herd?” You whispered. 

“Ain’t your fault.” His expression emanated fear and stress. “The hatch.” Someone was with him. The small hands that opened the back of the van and spread out the blankets, those were Carol’s. She sat a pile of smaller blankets and squares of fabric toward the indents on the floor where the seats had been stowed. 

“Get as many in the truck as you can! In the cab and the bed!” Rick was calling out at the same time that Hershel climbed into the van. Daryl was careful when he placed you inside, climbing over you before pulling you further in to make room for Hershel and Carol. 

Through your haze of exhaustion, you saw Rick climb in the driver's seat and Maggie beside him. That meant that five others had to somehow fit into the truck. 

“Is everyone okay?” You asked, eyes pleading with Daryl for an honest answer. 

“Yeah, they’re all good.” He nodded, smoothing a hand over your hair. 

The van was moving, though you didn’t realize when it had started. Hershel was between your knees when another contraction came. It felt like only moments had passed since the last one. In the safety of the van, though you couldn’t be bothered to consider that, you bowed forward with a scream. Daryl gingerly worked your fingers loose from the blanket to take your hand. 

“She’s at 9cm. This baby is coming soon.” Hershel didn’t move this time, he and Carol began sorting things that you couldn’t see. Panting, you leaned to the side, knowing Daryl would be there. His arm wrapped around your shoulders and squeezed. 

“What—” He swallowed audibly. “Tell me what I need to do.” 

“Just be with her.” Carol poured some water from a bottle onto a piece of fabric and passed it across you for Daryl to take. “Wipe her face, put it behind her neck.”

The archer’s hand was trembling fiercely when you felt the blessed cool cloth touch your forehead. The moan that left you was not one of pain but utter relief. “Oh, that’s nice.” You breathed. Your skin was on fire, every cell of your being felt twisted and wrong. But that trembling cloth wiping at your face grounded you, centered you around what your body was preparing to do. 

You were so close to being a mother. 

But that didn’t stop the scream that ripped from your throat when the next contraction tore through you. You sat up, propped on your elbows with your eyes screwed shut. Tears leaked from the corners, the wailing cutting off into wretched sobs when you felt Daryl’s forehead fall against the crown of your head, his mantra of m’sorry m’sorry m’sorry shattering you into a million shards. 

You couldn’t tell him it was okay. You couldn’t remind him why you hurt. You couldn’t reassure him that he was the one you wanted and you were more than happy to do this with him. For him. You didn’t have the breath. 

“Don’t push, Y/N. Not yet.” Hershel’s tone was even but not cruel, his gloved hands on your knees. 

“It fucking burns!” You shrieked, squeezing Daryl’s hand until you were certain you felt the bones shift. The contraction let up, the fiery sensation dulling but ever present. 

“What’s happenin’?” Daryl sounded breathless. Terrified. You were still catching your breath when you looked up at him. His tan skin was white as a sheet, no color in his lips. His blue eyes were brighter than you’d ever seen them. From tears or fear, you couldn’t be sure. 

“The baby’s in the right position. Y/N, it’ll be time to push soon. It’ll be very important for you to listen to everything I say. Can you do that?” Hershel wasn’t looking at you, between moving around things Carol was handing to him and keeping a constant eye on your progress. Distantly, you wondered why it was Carol at his side and not Maggie. Maybe because you were close with Carol? For your comfort? 

“Yeah. Yeah, I can.” You turned your attention back to Daryl when his grip on your hand loosened slightly. He swayed, the pallor of his skin growing more concerning. “Daryl?”

The archer shook his head almost violently. “M’good.”

“Okay, I just—oh, fuck, already!?” You grit your teeth as your stomach tightened, a visible shift beneath the fabric of your dress. 

“Maggie, can you climb back here?” Hershel requested calmly. His eldest said nothing but maneuvered her way into the back and on your opposite side. “I fear we may lose Daryl at any moment and Y/N will need support.”

“Ain’t goin’ nowhere.” Daryl snapped but it was a weak effort. He inhaled deeply and began squeezing your hand to keep you from dislocating his fingers. 

“Here.” Carol passed him an opened bottle of water. “Drink a few sips. You’re white as a ghost.”

You were barely aware of everything happening around you, shaking almost violently to refrain from bearing down until Hershel told you to do so. It was bordering on excruciating. 

“Jesus Christ, it feels like you’re holding a flamethrower to my fucking pussy!” 

Hershel sighed while Maggie and Carol chuckled and Daryl snorted out a quiet nice, Y/N. 

“It’s just the birth canal stretching to make room for the baby.” The veterinarian explained coolly. 

“Just?” You mocked. “Just, he says while it’s my—oh Jesus fuck!” With all the presence of mind you could summon, you managed not to start screaming at Daryl for putting you in that position. You knew that beyond the pain and fear, you wanted Thumper in your arms more than anything in that fucked up world. 

“Okay, Y/N,” Hershel patted your bare knees just at the tail end of the contraction to ensure he had your attention. You had fallen back against Maggie while Daryl held the cool cloth against the back of your neck. His hand was vibrating your skull to the point that you nearly asked him to move away. “You’re ready. On the next contraction, you need to push.”

“God, your calm voice makes me want to kick you in the teeth.” You didn’t mean it—mostly. Hershel must have known that because he chuckled. You could feel the next contraction already building when the van lurched to a stop, throwing everyone in it. 

“We got a herd in front of us!” Rick called from the front. 

“Go ‘round it! Turn ‘round! Just keep ‘em off us!” Daryl yelled as the pain peaked. “Fuck!” He bellowed when your hand began to shake with how hard you squeezed his own. 

“Push!” Hershel shouted over the bumps and jerks of the van doing whatever Rick had deemed best. “Good, good!” He began to countdown from ten while you screamed.

You were being torn open. Thumper was going to rip you in half on their way out. Your throat was raw, surely bleeding from your wails. When the old man reached one, you fell back against Maggie but Daryl’s hand was there too. 

“Maggie, Daryl, hold behind her knees. Help support her legs. It’ll keep her hips open.” Both moved forward, taking you with them to sit you up a little straighter. Daryl had to release your hand to hold you and your leg. The archer hissed with the pressure against his abused palm. “Perfect. Alright, Y/N. A nice, strong push this time.”

You almost snarled. “Last one wasn’t good enough?”

“Easy, Sunshine.” You felt Daryl's lips against your temple and yearned to keep them there. 

“I’m sorry, Hershel.” Once again, the man simply smiled. Lori had told you that childbirth in the movies was often dramatized but so far, you weren’t seeing the truth in that statement. When the contraction reached a crescendo, you leaned forward while Maggie and Daryl held your legs steady. The pain was extraordinary. You almost wished you could see what was happening, but any train of thought was derailed with Hershel’s next words.

“The baby is crowning!” 

Gasping, you swallowed hard, glancing at Daryl—who had a front row seat to what was happening—and then back to Hershel. “Crowning?”

“The head will be out soon.” 

“All this and we don’t even have the head out?!” You screeched, just as your stomach rippled into a rigid mound and you were pushing again. This pain was different. Thumper was definitely ripping you apart. “Fuck, fuck, fuck! It burns!”

“S’that—” Daryl cleared his throat and swallowed, swaying on the spot. “S’that normal?”

“Perfectly normal.” Hershel glanced up at the archer, back down, and then up again. “Carol.” He needn’t say anything else. The other woman was moving to grab the back of your leg and let Daryl fall against her so he didn’t smack his head on the side of the van.

You were completely unaware, your entire focus centered on the inferno between your legs. There was no way any woman would willingly do this unmedicated. Never in your life had you wanted drugs more than you did in that moment. Thumper. Thumper, Thumper. You chanted internally, even as your vocal chords vibrated harshly with your screams. And just as you thought you would lose consciousness from the pain, it lessened. It hadn’t disappeared but comparatively, you would take that over the prior. 

“The head is out!” 

Panting, you smiled but then fell into confusion when you saw Carol beside your leg and Daryl slumped against her. “Daryl? Daryl?!” You shifted but Maggie held you still. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine.” Hershel chuckled. 

“Who knew a man that could gut a walker without batting an eye couldn’t watch his baby’s head come out?” Carol smiled but began to act, jerking her shoulder to jar the archer. “Daryl. Daryl, wake up. You don’t want to miss this.” He stirred and started to lean back. “Think you can take a look without losing it again?”

“Shuddup.” He shook his head hard, grunting. His hand was the first thing to move, sliding beneath Carol’s to take hold of your leg. Then he was looking at you. “M’sorry. That was—fuck, m’a pussy.” Maggie was moving your hand and pulling you forward as you watched your partner. 

Then your fingers were touching a soft, albeit slimy, head. 

You gasped. “Daryl.”

The man gulped, but then sat up on his knees a little. You watched the fear and apprehension melt away into awe, his jaw loosening, eyebrows rising, and eyes beginning to shine. “S’that—”

“That’s Thumper.” You were able to say before Hershel announced your miniscule break was over. He didn’t need to say a word, your body was already letting you know. Daryl’s hold felt stronger now and he was watching with an awestruck intensity that just made your heart want to explode even as you rode out the waves of agony. You were going to be a little family.

Then, out of the blue, you could feel something was different, wrong.

“Her—Hershel—Ow, fuck—” You fingers clawed at Daryl’s chest, his wet eyes going wide with concern. The contraction ended and you were gasping and swallowing convulsively, feeling nauseous regardless of your lack of food. Daryl’s eyes were darting back and forth between you and the old man. “Daryl, something—something’s wrong.” You could tell the baby had not moved an inch during the pushing, but not only that, it felt like they had actually pulled back toward your opening. 

“I know.” Hershel’s voice had lost the calm and was taking on an emergent edge. “The baby is stuck.”

Panic flashed over Daryl’s face in the form of anger. “The fuck ya mean stuck?!”

Still trying to catch your breath, sweat dripping into your eyes, you thought for certain Daryl was going to jump across your leg and attack the old man. Thankfully, he remained at your side. Trembling and breath stuttering, but he wasn’t moving. 

“Shoulder dystocia. The baby is turned in such a way that the shoulders can’t fit through the pelvis. Carol, I will need your help, please.” You were already on the edge of the next contraction when Hershel nearly barked “Y/N, don’t push.”

“What the fuck’re ya doin’?” Daryl snapped, leaning over your leg to investigate. So many emotions were battling for dominance in his expression that you couldn’t even begin to imagine how he was feeling.

“Daryl, please.” You pleaded, trying your hardest not to sob. For once, you cared nothing about being self-reliant or what the group thought of you and how much you needed Daryl. As you fought through the pain and against your body’s natural insistence to push, you just cried. Daryl kept a hand below your knee, too afraid to move unless Hershel gave the okay, but he leaned as far as he could to hold you without influencing your position.

“S’okay, Sunshine. S’gonna be okay.”

“Y/N, listen to me. I can feel the shoulder.” Now, the veterinarian’s tone was just downright frightening. “Maggie and Daryl are going to pull your legs back on the next contraction. I’m going to apply some pressure above your pubic bone. It’s not going to be pleasant, but if I’m correct, the head should come and then the baby. I need you to push with all you have, do you understand?”

You pressed your cheek further into Daryl’s chest and nodded, hiccuping through ragged, exhausted breaths. When the contraction began to tear through you, Maggie and Daryl reacted immediately, pulling your legs toward your belly while you curled inward with a guttural scream. Hershel pressed into the area just above your pubic bone, the pressure only compounding the whirlwind of pain you were already caught in. And then it was over and you let the two supporters take your weight.

The van rocked again, but was ignored. Hershel looked at Carol gravely and shook his head. 

“S’that ‘bout?” Daryl hissed, trying hard for your sake not to lose his cool.

“It didn’t work.” Before Daryl could speak, the old man continued. “We’re going to try one more time. If it doesn’t work, there are a couple of other things we can try but time is of the essence. The baby isn’t getting the oxygen they need like this.”

“Whatever ya gotta do. Just take care’a both’a ‘em.” 

Hershel nodded. “Alright, same thing, Y/N. A big, big push for me.”

You shook your head, exhausted. “I can’t.” You whispered, your eyelids heavy as hope attempted to flee and you accepted that once again, the world would take from you. It would take from Daryl. “I’m so tired.” You felt movement beneath your left leg and then Daryl’s hand was grasping your chin, firm but gentle. 

“Hey. Cut that shit out.” He wasn’t angry. He was using the same tone you’d heard him use when he had told Thumper to cut you some slack. When he had started communicating with the baby. “Ya’ve gone through hell an’ back for this an’ I ain’t lettin’ ya quit at the goddamn finish line, ya hear me?”

“I’m tired, Daryl.” Your face screwed up in pain as the next contraction began to build.

“Nu uh. Ya ain’t gonna bust into my life an’ fuck up my world six ways from Sunday, make me love ya an’ this kid, an’ then just give up. S’you an’ me an’ Thumper. S’what ya said!”

You blinked at him, slowly starting to sit up.

“I’ve seen ya be a badass before, Sunshine.” Your breaths were coming faster, the contraction nearly on top of you, but you only had eyes for Daryl. “Be a fuckin’ badass now.” His hand left your face and went back to your leg, pulling it toward you at the same time Maggie moved the right one. 

You screamed so loud that you were certain the rocks and bumps of the van were due to your wails alone. Something shifted, you felt it and it hurt. You were on fire and aching at the same time. When the contraction ended, you still felt painfully stretched and bruised and uncomfortable. “Did—did it work?” You panted, grasping desperately for Daryl’s shirt.

“The head is out, the shoulders are turned. One more big push, Y/N. Just one more.”

You breathed harshly through your nose, trying to amp yourself up. Maggie and Carol were throwing encouragement your way, but you didn’t hear them. You only felt Dary’s breath against your ear, his stubbled cheek rubbing against your skin.

He whispered, only for you to hear. “I love ya.” Kissing your temple, he moved back to his spot and when you looked at him, exhausted and crying, the corner of his mouth twitched and he nodded.

You could do this.

When the next contraction ripped through you, the world went silent. It was only you and the pain, white hot and all consuming. You were indeed being torn in half but if it meant Thumper would take that first breath, would open those little eyes to see the world—fucked up or not—then you would gladly be wrenched into pieces. 

The moment the baby slipped free of you, you felt the emptiness. You still hurt, but the worst of the pain was suddenly absent. Sound and sight came back to you in an onslaught that had you sucking in a breath like your lungs had been starved. 

“Is—Hershel, the baby?” You asked, trying to move as Daryl and Maggie lowered your legs. The archer was leaning across your knee. You couldn’t even tell if he was breathing, but his eyes were wide and darting. 

“Doc—”

The ferocious first cries of the distraught newborn echoed throughout the van. Maggie had moved behind you to keep you sitting up while Daryl had staggered backward and fallen on his ass against the interior wall, eyes on the little thing that Hershel was looking over intently. Maggie reached over your shoulder and began unbuttoning your dress, whispering in your ear as she moved.

“The baby needs to nurse, bond with you on your skin and it’ll help when you have to push out the placenta, okay?” You blinked at her, concerned. “It’s okay. It’s nothing like what you just went through. One or two small pushes and it’s out.”’ You nodded robotically, watching Hershel maneuver some sort of tape around a slimy cord.

Thumper was not happy. They were probably cold and that thought made your heart ache. Your baby should never be uncomfortable. Daryl was slowly, clumsily making his way toward you, but wasn’t taking his eyes off the baby. When he was sitting beside you, Hershel finally leaned over you and placed the squirming, slippery baby on your chest.

“Congratulations. You have a daughter.”

[steddieas-shegoes]

that's what friends are for

for @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt 'enemies to lovers' rated t wc: 996 cw: mention of hospitals and injury, mentions of selling and using recreational drugs tags: enemies is more implied than anything, getting together, canon events happening in the background

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Somewhere along the way, Steve Harrington became Eddie’s number one customer.

It was mostly by accident, and Eddie should tell him to get lost and find another supplier, but he couldn’t.

Especially not after the last time they met up in the woods and Steve looked…haunted.

But Eddie wasn’t going to let Steve’s sad puppy dog eyes convince him that he was anything other than the asshole he’d always been.

Not even when he walked up to Steve furiously wiping tears off of his cheeks.

He cleared his throat awkwardly before sitting down, trying to avoid eye contact with the man who seemed to be trying to hide the fact that he’d been having any emotion at all.

“So, the usual today?” Eddie asked.

“Uh, you got anything stronger?”

Look, Eddie knew for a fact he had plenty of stronger stuff that he could overcharge Steve for, and Steve wouldn’t even bat an eye.

But he had a pretty strict rule of never selling the strong stuff to someone who didn’t pass the mental test. Someone who was crying did not pass the mental test.

“Nah, ran out. Got a new mix though, if you’re interested. Might help you sleep if that’s somethin’ you need.”

The dark circles under Steve’s eyes told him that was exactly what he needed, but Steve shrugged and acted like he was just here for fun.

Eddie didn’t care enough to push.

That’s what he told himself, anyway.

—----------

Steve looked like shit.

“You look like shit.”

Steve rolled his eyes. Or, well, eye. The other eye was swollen and bruised, probably hurt like hell.

“Thanks for the update,” Steve said.

“Don’t think weed’s gonna fix that,” Eddie said, not looking away from the cuts and scrapes along his cheek. “At least not the kind I have.”

Eddie looked down to see more cuts and bruises along his hands, and most shocking of all, a dull red line along both wrists.

Eddie’s brows raised as he looked back up at Steve.

“You, uh, you good?” He couldn’t help asking.

Anyone would be concerned to see these injuries on anyone, even the guy you definitely don’t like or have a crush on.

“Sure. Is $20 okay today? I can get you more for next time.”

“$20 is fine.”

$20 was technically $5 more than he would normally charge anyone who isn’t an ex-jock, so it’s not like he was doing Steve a favor.

Eddie watched Steve walk away with more questions than answers.

—-----------------

Robin Buckley was sitting next to Steve at the table, kicking her feet and rambling on about who knows what.

Steve wasn’t looking at her, but he could tell he was listening.

“I don’t usually like to be outnumbered, but something tells me I can handle myself if Buckley decides to throw a punch,” Eddie said as he walked towards the table.

Robin suddenly froze and tilted her head.

“Steve, why is Eddie here? You said we were meeting a friend.”

“Is that what we call buying drugs from someone these days?” Eddie laughed. “Times have changed.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but couldn’t quite hide a small smile.

Eddie tried not to feel flustered about making Steve smile.

“Well, I see you more than most people, so I’d say we’re friend-adjunct,” Steve said, handing over the usual $20.

“He means friend-adjacent,” Robin added, not unkindly.

Eddie nodded once.

“Well, if that’s all, your friend has another friend to meet behind the McDonald’s. All good here?”

“All good. Thanks.”

“Anything for a friend,” he winked.

—-------------------

He was pushing Steve against a wall, broken bottle to his neck.

“This doesn’t seem very friendly,” Steve said breathlessly.

Eddie held him there for a moment, then let out a small laugh, slowly releasing his grip.

“I have to be careful about who I consider a friend right now, man,” Eddie said, ignoring Dustin’s confused voice yelling behind him.

“We’re here to help. As friends.”

Steve’s eyes were big, that look that left Eddie wondering how he’d gone from hating him so much to wanting to understand everything about him.

“Not sure if you can help me.”

“We’re gonna.”

Steve sounded so sure. Eddie had no option but to trust him.

—-----------------------

“Hey, Wayne. Anything new today?” Steve’s voice whispered when he entered the room.

Eddie’s eyes were closed, but he wasn’t asleep.

They’d lowered his dose of pain meds slowly over the last 48 hours and he was barely getting any sleep as he adjusted to the constant aches of the bites.

“He’s tired. Nothin’ new, though. You okay?”

“Yeah. You got a shift?”

“Yep. Should be back by lunch tomorrow.”

“See you then.”

Eddie didn’t know how it happened, but Steve trading shifts with Wayne was an everyday occurrence.

They got to know each other, relaxing more as the days wore on, no end in sight for Eddie’s hospitalization.

“You know, I’m okay alone for a bit,” Eddie said as he opened his eyes.

“Nah, I’d rather be here.”

“Really?”

“That’s what friends are for, right?” 

Eddie nodded. “Yeah.” He frowned. “Is that what we are? Friends?”

Steve slowly reached over and grasped his hand. 

“Is that all we are?”

Eddie thought back to how he used to dread running into Steve at school, mostly out of his own fear that he would harbor a crush on him. He thought about how he wondered why the boy who seemed untouchable in high school looked so fragile last summer and how he could help. He thought about the guy who didn’t have to risk his life to save him from monsters made sure everyone was safe so he could rescue him.

“I don’t think friends sit in the hospital for days like this,” he finally settled on.

“I don’t think friends have crushes on their friends for years, either.”

If Steve didn’t follow those words with a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, he probably wouldn’t have believed them. 

[lokigonnakmsforbucky]

insecure (DW x reader)

A/N: So sorry for the long wait for another story! I have been at college🙃

Dean Winchester x Insecure! reader (I think this is Season 4, Dean) Request: can you do a dean Winchester NSFW blurb/headcanon? some praise is included if that’s ok :) maybe the reader feels insecure and Dean discovers and proves to her how much he loves her. :))

Warnings: MINORS BEWARE, NSFW AHEAD AFTER THE CUT, and fluff if you not into cutesy stuff. I also am making a tag list!

View my masterlist

*Gif is not mine

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

You couldn't last remember the last time you had an "off" day from hunting. It must have been forever since the last time you could finally breathe without fearing someone or something to come after you.

You and Dean were sitting at the dining table in the motel room in Lawrence, Dean was "attempting" to do research on Sam's laptop while he was out getting some food at some burger joint. You could see how frustrated he was getting at the laptop, it was very cute. Seeing him get upset by technology like a little old man, Dean was not old at all. He was only 30, but if you asked him he would say he felt like he was 50 with back problems.

You often thought about how lucky you got Dean. His excellent looks weren't a huge thing but it was definitely. He was so strong, the strongest you ever knew. Plus, he was brilliant. Even though he wouldn't admit that he was. You felt so safe being around him no matter the situation, your safety was his number one priority.

But, you couldn't help but think that you didn't deserve Dean.

That someone else is out there. Stronger, more intelligent, prettier, perfect skin with no scars from random demons, vampires, or ghosts. Someone was out there and he hadn't found them yet.

"Hey." His gruff, voice snapped you out of your thoughts. You hadn't realized that he has been staring at you losing your mind quietly. "What's on your mind sweetheart?"

Dean slowly closed the laptop, and slid it to the side so his entire attention was now on you. His green eyes were something you loved. Loved for him to be on you, but right now his eyes were watching you like you were on fire. You could fill your cheeks slowly and get warmer and warmer. The effect the man has on you was truly something.

"Nothing. I don't even remember what I was thinking about." You look at his green eyes and hope he buys it. You don't want to talk about how you are feeling. Not yet at least.

Dean leaned back in his chair, arms crossed and his eyes piercing into you. Like he was staring into my soul. He always had a way of getting me to talk. To spill all my deepest, darkest, secrets. Not this time, you're not gonna give in. "Sweetheart, tell me."

"There is nothing to tell Dean." you stood your ground, not looking into his eyes.

Dean stood up, pushed his chair in, and turns your chair towards him. Kneeling in front of you. "Nothing? Yeah, I don't believe that. Ever since we got here you have been sitting in this chair staring off into space like a deer when they see headlights." Dean takes your hands now, "What's going on?"

You look back into his eyes and could fill the tears starting to build in yours. You should have known he wouldn't give up until you told him how you feel. "I..." The tears were now on your face, Dean's hands were on your cheeks slowly trying to wipe your tears.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?'

"I'm not good enough for you." You finally spill what you held in. The six words you have been thinking about for months are finally out. Silence hangs in the air for a few seconds before Dean finally breaks the silence, his face confused. "Why would you say that?"

You stand up and walk away from Dean, towards the mirror looking into it. "I'm not strong, I'm not Pretty, I'm not Strong, I'm just not good enough for you Dean." You put your hands on your face, trying to hide your face, sobbing.

Dean gets up and wraps his arms from behind, slowly rocking you back and forth, "Shhh". He turns you around so you could cry on his shoulder. His hand rubbing your back felt good to let all of this emotion out. For months you have been putting on this strong face. Trying to prove yourself to Dean.

"You're wrong." Dean finally breaks the silence again, You pull your face away, tears leaving wet marks on Dean's Gray shirt.

"You're just saying that." you wipe your nose on your sleeve.

Dean turns you around, so you were now looking at yourself in the mirror, "I am not just saying that. I'll prove it to you. When you look into the mirror, what do you see?"

Before you could even begin your sentence Dean cuts you off, "I see a beautiful, Strong, Smart woman right there." You shake your head and Dean speaks again, "No. You're gonna listen to me. Everything that your head is telling you is wrong. My life before I met you had no meaning. I was running in, not caring if I got hurt. Then, I met you. The woman that excepts me, this job, and everything that comes with it."

You could feel Dean's breath beside your ear, "Let me show you how much I love you."

Before you had a chance to speak, Dean turned you around towards him, with his lips on yours. You could feel the passion, the love he had for you just in that kiss. His hands went under your shirt, lifting it over your head. His head started kissing down your face. Your cheek, neck, and your chest. His hands now unhooked your bra, leaving you bare on the chest.

"These are beautiful, everything about you is beautiful." His hands were now rubbing around your stomach, touching every blemish, scar, and even the small birthmark you had. "These are beautiful."

Dean then slowly brought you to the bed and laid you down on it. His mouth back on yours, his hands now all over your breasts. You let out a small moan while kissing him, and he breaks the kiss. His lips traveled from your lips down to your neck, till they landed on your nipple. You let out a moan, your hands traveling to his hair, pulling slightly.

You could feel his tongue around it, sucking a little. You feel your whole back arch into him. Allowing him to know how good you are feeling, Your moans feels the room as he uses his free hand to unbutton your jeans. Sliding them down your legs.

Your hand finds his shirt, tugging slightly. Dean lets go of your nipple with his mouth and speaks, “No… sweetheart. This is all about you.”

He kisses down your stomach, kissing all your scars and stretch marks. He stops when he was on the edge of your underwear. He takes the rest of your pants off, and then slips your underwear off and throws them on the floor.

“Let me take care of you, baby girl.”

Deans's hands spread your legs apart as he bent down in between them, you could feel his tongue lick up and down. Slowly working his way toward your clit. You let out a small moan as he works on your clit and continues to pleasure you with his tongue. Dean lifts his head up with a smirk on his face, "Does that feel good baby?"

You nod your head, "Yes.. so good. More."

After hearing those words, you could feel Dean's fingers rubbing you and you could feel his two fingers slide into you. Curling into you and letting his two fingers working in and out of you, slowly letting them drag over your g-spot.

You feel your back arch and let out a loud moan.

"Such a good girl... look at how responsive you are." Dean's fingers started going quicker in and out. You could feel your orgasm getting closer and closer. Dean just kept going faster and faster.

"Dean.. I'm gonna-" You let out another moan, "I'm gonna cum"

Dean leans up towards you, going faster in and out of you now. Using his free hand to hold you in place. "Cum for me baby."

When he said that you could feel your orgasm overtaking you. Letting out a long moan, Dean's fingers still moving slowly waiting for you to calm down before sliding them out of you.

"You did so good sweetheart," Dean says leaning up to kiss the top of your head, laying beside you. You felt like nothing ever happened. Even though a lot did.

"You mean so much to sweetheart." Dean started playing with your hair, "You are everything to me. Never forget that."

"Your my girl"

[anthurak]

So after watching Western Energy again, I was reminded of a fun bit of theorizing I’ve seen tossed around and have been thinking about a bit myself:

Just WHO is going to ultimately be taking down or putting down Striker for good?

(Before I go any further, YES it is possible that Striker gets some kind of redemption arc. But nothing we’ve seen thus far in any of his appearances points to him going in such a direction. At this point he’s really nothing more than a narcissistic asshole getting high off his own ego and milking a potentially tragic backstory as an excuse to abuse those he considers ‘beneath’ him. To anyone who’s been following me for a while and is familiar with my RWBY posts, I think we kinda have another ‘Fuck-You-Goatman’ situation going on with this guy.)

To begin with what I think is the most obvious option, I actually DON’T think Moxxie and/or Millie are going to be the ones to kill Striker. Simply because they already GOT their big climactic ‘rematch’ fight against Striker in Western Energy. And while they didn’t take Striker down for good, the M&Ms did pull off a fairly decisive win, so I feel comfortable in saying they ‘payed Striker back’ for what he did to them in Harvest Moon Festival. Unless Striker decides to pursue a rivalry, I think Moxxie and Millie have more or less ‘finished their business’ with him.

Moving on to a character who does have ‘unfinished business’ if you will with Striker, let’s talk about Blitzo. Unlike with the M&Ms, I could see this happening, particularly if Striker goes after Stolas again. Thereby leading to Blitzo fighting and ultimately killing Striker to protect Stolas. That being said, I also can’t help but feel like Striker threatening Stolas would end up coming off like a repeat of what happened in Western Energy, just with Blitzo replacing Moxxie and Millie. Not to mention that Blitzo’s and Stolas’s relationship issues are far too complex to be resolved simply by a dramatic rescue. Regardless, Striker can certainly make for a strong villainous foil to Blitzo, so some kind of big showdown between these two certainly feels plausible.

We also have the possibility of Stolas himself doing Striker in, as a number of people have noted Striker bringing up Octavia in Western Energy, to which Stolas gets pissed. Meaning that we could have a scenario wherein Striker threatens Octavia and Stolas winds up ripping him apart to protect his daughter. That being said, Stolas clearly isn’t that much of a fighter, plus Striker ultimately isn’t more than just the minion of Stolas’s real nemesis; Stella and/or Andrealphus. Meaning that I imagine some kind of dramatic showdown is more likely against them.

Now we come to what I consider to be not so much the most ‘plausible’, but definitely the most FUN option:

Does anyone else remember how Striker was all too happy to go 1v2 against Moxxie and Millie in Western Energy, and before that against Blitzo and Moxxie in Harvest Moon Festival…

…yet as soon as LOONA showed up, he fucking CHEESED it?

Now, we could argue that this is meant as a hint towards Striker not being the hyper-competent badass he likes to paint himself as. Basically, he’s happy to fight those ‘smaller’ than him who he considers ‘weaker’ like Blitzo, Moxxie and Millie. Yet as soon as someone bigger and potentially stronger than him shows up, eg; a hellhound like Loona, Striker immediately legs it. In short, Striker is a bully. (See also, Striker only going after a Goetia like Stolas when he has a full-blown arsenal of weapons and gear meant to hurt and subdue powerful demons.)

That all being said, I can’t help but feel like Harvest Moon Festival indicated that Striker does NOT want a fight with Loona. So what if the show ultimately forces him into one?

For one, it just feels like a great opportunity for Loona to really cut loose and for the show to display just how deadly our favorite goth hound really is. Like I’ve seen some back-and-forth about whether Millie or Loona is really the ‘best’ or ‘strongest’ fighter at I.M.P. and what I think should be kept it mind is that while Millie is certainly deadly, she’s also something of a glass cannon, ie; a solid hit or two can easily take her out of a fight. Something we actually saw both times she was in a fight with Striker.

By contrast, I have a hunch that while Millie is a glass cannon, Loona is a juggernaut. As in, when she’s in a serious fight she can get repeatedly beaten, stabbed, shot, and just not give a fuck whatsoever. Like imagine if she just goes into a feral, berserker rage where absolutely nothing is going to make her let up. For one, I feel like this would make for a fun a very satisfying fight against Striker.

With how much Striker has been riding and playing up his ‘cool, unflappable, stylish badass’ routine, I think it would be VERY cathartic to see that shtick crumble in the face of someone like Loona. As in, we see Striker become more and more terrified as NOTHING in his arsenal is able to take down a fully unhinged, berserk Loona.

And going back to the possibility of Striker kidnapping or otherwise threatening Octavia, I also can’t help but feel like Loona protecting Octavia from Striker is a more fun option. Partly because it’s a bit of a surprise with most people likely expecting Stolas to be the one to protect or rescue Octavia, and also I think we can all agree that Loona being violently protective of Octavia would be both awesome and cute :D

[teamfreewill56-blog]

Hi! I I love your blog and I’ve scoured it like crazy for Rengoku family content! but there’s one other thing I love about it and it’s how much you hate Kagaya, I’m not sure if this is something you may have talked about before but I recently reread the Rengoku one shot, it’s Kyo’s first mission but he has been sent to fight a demon that had already killed NINE SLAYERS - what is Kagaya doing?

And I have a terrible suspicion why, Giyuu is one year older than Kyojuro, we know everyone survived Giyuu’s final selection except Sabito, I can’t help but feel there may have been an excess of not very strong (even for lower rank standards) kids in the corp at the time and Kagaya just wanted rid of them, and he was testing if Kyojuro was any good due to his family name

Much love

- 🫧🫧

Hello anon! Thank you for asking in and I'm so glad that you love my blog that means the world to me! I do hate him a ton lolol. I haven't talked about his leadership decisions in Kyojuro's one-shot yet, I try to be careful and not overshare my hatred of characters, especially in analysis because it's a dangerous place for me but I'm fine with discussing it in asks as long as it doesn't become too long I hope you will understand.

Kagaya doesn't know what he's doing, and honestly, he's really not doing anything. He can't physically fight? Ok fine, but he also doesn't have any leadership skills and Kyojuro's one-shot is another great example because as you point out: he sends Kyojuro---who's fresh out of Final Selection---after a demon who's killed at least nine slayers.

I can't even go into all the issues because there are so many of them, but one of the most important ones is Kagaya and his family created this problem themselves and there's not really anyone else to blame. You can't train kids for a couple years--isolated--then throw them into a mountainside full of starving demons and only a select few can use full-style breathing styles and then expect them to survive there for a week or really any interaction they have with a demon afterward.

This "organization" is anything but organized. I mean my hell ya'll saw how many people went into Tanjiro's final selection, and only FOUR came out! There were AT LEAST twenty people there when Tanjiro arrived, maybe if you and your stupid family got rid of Final Selection and created teams under the Hashira and didn't just throw them straight into the demons' mouths maybe they'd be alive and you'd have enough people to wipe out demons!

I can almost guarantee you that the slayers killed by that flute demon were probably very low on the ranking list if not a first level like Kyojuro was.

It's shown at the end of the series that when Slayers work together even if they don't have breathing techniques they can make a huge impact, so why are they never trained together besides our main trio? Why are they not organizing them so that they make a stronger force together? It was made so painfully clear, very quickly that Tanjiro and Inosuke survived Spider Father's attack because they worked together. If they hadn't they definitely would have died. And all those Slayers the Spider Family slaughtered probably died because they couldn't figure out how to work together and weren't used to trying to.

In regards to Kyojuro's one-shot, Kagaya most likely sent him BECAUSE Kyojuro is a Rengoku, they do have a legacy and so Kagaya most likely just assumed Kyojuro would be able to be successful, but even then Kyojuro had to injure himself to win and not in a small way. He could have been completely deaf after that and just got very lucky.

I'm not sure if I agree that he sent them all just to get rid of them, I believe it is more that he doesn't know shit about what it takes to kill a demon or work as a team so he may have just thought throwing a ton of numbers at Flute Demon would be enough. And then it wasn't so he decided to try the Rengoku kid who had very little chance of failing.

Part of the reason I don't quite agree is because that kind of behavior is not a one-and-done-thing, if that is how he gets rid of "useless" slayers then there would be other instances of him doing similar methods and the only other time we see something like that happen is the Spider Family Arc. To me it's just he's so tactless that the only thing he could come up with is "oh one or two slayers wasn't enough, maybe if I add more it will fix the problem!" Which obviously it didn't, because things like this require more brain cells than Kagaya possesses, like I'm amazed this guy made it to twenty-three.

Thanks for dropping in!

-Much love

Also guys I'm finally back, for as long as my...issues will permit anyway. Thanks to everyone who is new to my blog, for all the favorites and the reblogs and the asks.

[sabo-has-my-heart]

Hey there! Love your work! Definitely could use some fluff these days. I was wondering if I could request an Ace x F! Reader fluff. Where the reader is a strong warrior type. (Think female Zoro vibes) But once they start dating.. the reader opens up to Ace and he realizes the reader is a cinnamon roll. But only in private. Very clingy and loves cuddles. Thank you!

Word Count: 1060

     Strong, independent, skilled, stoic, intelligent, these were all words Ace would use to describe you. He’d been impressed by your abilities and prowess and while you weren’t the fluffiest of sorts, that didn’t mean you weren’t kind. You’d given your entire treasure that you didn’t need to survive to a town just because they were struggling. The number of times he’d watched you stop eating and ordered a buttload of food, just to invite some street urchins over to eat. And to top it off, while you fought for many reasons, none were as high on your list as fighting to protect others. 

     At first, you hadn’t been interested in the boy, too concerned with becoming stronger, helping others, and making enough money to live comfortably. To you, he was just a loud, excitable, reckless young man who seemed far too interested in you. Up until you saw just how sweet he was. Just like you, he’d help out those in need, especially kids who were hungry or suffering. He seemed to have a particular soft spot for kids more than anything, offering food even when he’d barely eaten, handing them the last of his cash even if he knew he’d needed to buy things. Granted, this always ended in him stealing or dine-and-dashing, but it was the thought that counted and he only ever stole from places that were plenty well off. This was what had attracted you to each other, what had gotten you two to start talking. Apparently the two of you had more in common than you’d thought. While He was reckless, impulsive, loud, and energetic, you were reserved, disciplined, calm, and quiet. But the both of you were kind, giving, gentle when needed, surprisingly sweet, and caring. You weren’t sure who was more surprised, Ace at how sweet you were, or you at how gentle he could be. 

     Leaning against Ace, you enjoyed the sun and fresh air. It was a slow day, allowing you to relax just a little. Normally you wouldn’t allow yourself to let your guard down so easily, but Ace was an exception. The two of you just clicked, just… worked. He made you feel safe, safe enough to let down your guard enough to enjoy the day. His arm slowly snaked its way around you, his hand resting just above your hip as he pulled you closer. Snuggling a little closer, you couldn’t help but smile. You knew where this might lead; you weren’t dense, you knew how these things went.

     “Hey Y/n?” Ace asked, a little tentatively.

     “Yes, I’d like to go out with you.” you said, not even giving him the chance to ask as his cheeks turned bright pink.

     “H-how, I mean… that’s not what I-” “Yes it is. I know you better than you think and I’m not ignorant to the ways of the world or how attraction works. You were going to hesitantly ask me out, stuttering and stumbling over your words. Eventually you’d manage to ask me to go out with you, I’d say yes and then you’d cheer and hold me close. So instead, why don’t we skip all of that and just enjoy the weather.” you said, leaving the boy speechless. He knew you were right, knew that he’d stumble over his words, knew he’d be nervous and then pull you into the tightest hug when you said yes.

     “Can… Can I hold you then? Like… really hold you?” he asked, drawing your attention once more. You hadn’t really been held in years, not since you were a child, really. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to, just that you hadn’t gotten close enough to someone to be held. 

     It wasn’t that you were against him holding you in public, at least, you weren’t worried about what people thought of you, but something about him holding you in public unnerved you, you could never relax. Yet once he had you in private, you cuddled right up to him, nuzzling into his chest, making the cutest comfort sounds he’d ever heard. He understood why you preferred to keep this private, or, well, he understood that it made you uncomfortable and preferred your privacy, so he didn’t really mind. Okay, you weren’t very lovey out in public. You’d hold his hand if he asked, you’d allow him to give you a quick, short kiss if he really wanted one, but you kept it small. You didn’t cuddle up with him outside of resting your head on his shoulder when you were tired, and even then, he could only hold you if you were asleep or nearly asleep. Didn’t use cute pet names, or wrap around his arm, didn’t sit in his lap or give him deep kisses. And while sometimes he really wanted to be public, he never pushed it. It was always worth it at the end of the day, when the two of you would curl up on his bed, your arms wrapped around him as you placed soft kisses against his chest, shoulders and neck, slowly working your way up to his lips, giving him soft, slow, deep kisses that had him melting. When you’d call him all sorts of nicknames as he held you close, gently rubbing your noses together, your fingers interlaced as you held both of each other’s hands, gently kissing each one of his fingers, his rough knuckles, his forehead and cheeks, anywhere you could easily reach. The mornings where you’d pull him close, even as he tried to get up to get breakfast and go about his commander duties, clinging to him and pulling him back to bed until he threatened to head to breakfast even with you clinging to him. You knew he would too, he was strong enough to carry you and he had no qualms with carrying you, in your pjs, to get breakfast. Still, you’d let out a small whine and get up with him, holding him at every chance you got as the two of you got ready. The contrast between powerful, stoic warrior and cuddly cinnamon roll was stark to say the least, but he didn’t mind. You were cute and it was always worth it. The cuddles, the snuggles, the affection, it made every missed public moment worth it. You were his sweet cinnamon roll, that’s all he cared about.

[munsons-maiden]

Do you think Eddie was actually bullied in high school? I can see him getting snide comments etc but I can’t imagine someone trying to push him around or shove him into his locker or something. Or do you think he was when he was a freshman or smaller?

I'm not so sure about when exactly the physical attacks/bullying stopped (though I'm absolutely certain they happened; Eddie's first reaction at the boathouse is that of someone who had to fend off attackers before. Adrenaline can boost strength and reaction times but Eddie had a broken beer bottle at the ready to use as a weapon. He was prepared to fight. I'm currently in the process of writing an in-depth meta post on this).

What I'm sure about is that he wasn't physically bullied anymore after his freshman year, for a multitude of reasons:

Eddie's tall and as lanky as he is, he's strong as well. He manages to push Steve Harrington, the jock, against a wall and keep him there, that's proof enough that Eddie could definitely stand up for himself in a fight. He wouldn't want to, but he could.

His height coupled with his metal style screams mean and scary

We see Jason is...maybe not scared but definitely unsettled by Eddie - by Eddie's brashness and outspokenness, at least, and the fact that he doesn't cower for anyone.

Eddie would have founded Hellfire sometime during his early high school days, thus creating a safe space not only for the outcasts he takes under his wing but for himself, too. Stronger together. Bullies pick victims who don't belong to a clique because that makes them easier targets, and Hellfire is the shield which would have kept Eddie from being an easy target as well.

As for the kind of bullying he's still facing, I'm with you. No physical attacks, but definitely snide/vile remarks in passing, whispers behind behind his back. The kind of bullying that's subtle instead of outright, but that's the kind of bullying that persevered even into his third senior year - the scene which comes to mind is that in the cafeteria when Mike and Dustin stand at the side watching Eddie and the rest of Hellfire. We see that there's a guy walking into Eddie on purpose. It's subtle, but it's a glimpse at the kind of bullying he still faces. The one which makes you look stupid if you say something, and equally stupid if you don't, but it's unambiguously aiming to bully.

There second scene which sheds some light on the topic is the one with Jason calling Eddie a freak. There's a lot which is being revealed to us in a few seconds:

Jason is the King of Hawkins High now that Billy's gone. And yet, Jason is scared or at least unsettled by Eddie. One of these days I'll make an in-depth analysis on the dynamic between Eddie and Jason but for now, knowing that Jason is unsettled by Eddie, feels threatened by him even - enough to rally an entire mob against him as soon as the possibility arises (I made a post on that here if you'd like to read it) - suffices here. It's only Jason who reacts to Eddie's comment while the rest of the basketballers watch the scene unfold, and Jason mutters his counter-insult under his breath before sitting down again. It seems he and the basketball team ignore Eddie and the rest of Hellfire for the most part. They hate each other, but they seem to stay in their respective lanes.

Thus, I think it's the other cliques subtly bullying Eddie (like the guy bumping into him on purpose).

Lastly, Eddie has two shields to defend himself from the bullying:

The first one is Hellfire, safety in numbers. The second one is the fact that Eddie took the name freak and spun it to be a shield, to own it and exaggerate it. People will talk shit about him, so why not decide on his own terms why they talk about him? He climbs tables and shouts at the other cliques to show them "I'm not scared of you, and I couldn't care less about what you think about me."

What baffles me is that he's doing all this, that he's created a place for the outcasts, teaches people to be themselves instead of letting society make them feel ashamed of themselves, that he takes the younger ones under his wings and shows them "high school doesn't have to be the worst years of your lives", cares so deeply to protect the lost sheep (we see how serious he was in his cafeteria speech when he uses his last breaths to make Dustin promise he'll take care of the lost sheepies for him when he's gone) - and still, he didn't think he was brave. When Eddie Munson has been a hero long before he jumped into Lover's Lake to save someone he didn't even really know.

[monkeymindscream]

I feel like hopefully stirring up a discussion/inspiring people to share their own thoughts, so have some headcanons I have regarding the Krangs' fucked-up society/biology/etc:

—The Krang as we see them are basically a space-parasite that glommed onto the utrom species. The utrom scientists of yore poked Dimension X too hard (the dimension just past the prison dimension and right before the nothingness that sits at the center of all realities), and accidentally unleashed the eldritch horrors that existed within. i.e. The aforementioned parasites. The utrom ended up being completely overtaken, cordyceps-and-ants style, and countless lives across the galaxy were destroyed as a result of them not leaving well enough alone. Nice work, ya chucklefucks.

—Krang morality is… weird. They do understand there’s a separation between right and wrong, and as a group they tend to try to stick to the “right” side of the equation. And despite being just a shade away from being a hivemind, they can even have individual moral codes about what they personally view as acceptable and reprehensible.

It’s just that unfortunately, their definition of “right vs. wrong” is very different from the rest of the universe. That whole “we’re stronger which means we know better than everyone else” mentality.

—They genuinely think they’re helping when they assimilate planets. Uno wasn’t spouting bullshit when he declared “I am saving this WEAK planet!” Because, really, why would he bother to bullshit at that point? He’d thought his victory was assured, and that Leo would either die at Raph’s hand or be beaten down enough to get krangified himself. Why bother making that statement if he didn’t 100% believe it?

As far as the Krang see it, they are the strongest beings in existence. Only the strong deserve to live. By assimilating other lifeforms, they’re gifting them the strength of the Krang, essentially granting them the right to life. There’s a reason Uno described their goals as a “crusade.” If any other Krang had been around to hear him say he was “saving” earth, they’d have agreed wholeheartedly.

(The “I am a gift!” –line would’ve elicited some eyerolls, though. Not that he’d have cared – as far as he’s concerned he’s just stating the facts, but anyway.)

—What we saw of Earth’s invasion – both in the snippet of the future and present-day events – was far, far more violent and cruel than how Krang invasions typically go. (Example: At one point Casey mentions a “Krang labor camp.” Which, considering they have the ability to krangify whoever/WHATever they want, the Krang shouldn’t logically have a need for a labor camp. They made one anyway.) This is for two reasons:

First, there were only three true Krang doing the invading. We see mechsuits marching around in the future, sure, but we don’t actually see any Krang inside them. This is because it’s just empty tech the sibs built to enforce their will/probably just to deal with the tech Donnie built to combat them. Since the sibs couldn’t rely on numbers to take out their enemies cleanly, they had to utilize brute-force and make things messy.

Second, Uno says, and I quote: “The people of this planet will pay for what they’ve done to me.” The assimilation of earth was personal. He (+his siblings, I can only imagine) were fucking pissed, and putting the hurt on the creatures who took down his entire species was just as much the goal as conquering them was.

—Absolutely none of the chemicals that help determine humans’ emotions can be found in any of the Krang. As such, certain earthling emotional responses are literally beyond their comprehension when they’re functioning how they’re supposed to. They don’t feel anxiety, for example. They can feel fear, but there needs to be immediate danger present for them to get to that point. Which, considering their whole “strength is the end-all-be-all; the weak can get fucked” mentality, isn’t exactly something they would openly indulge in anyway, but you get it. In fact, most emotional responses besides all-out rage are considered the Krang equivalent of going clinically insane in their society. 

(Like with humans who’ve been driven insane, these responses are usually brought on by trauma.)

—Bouncing off of this, they’re mostly incapable of feeling empathy or compassion. Not entirely, granted, but it’s essentially only towards members of the little packs they’ll form amongst themselves, and even then there’s limits. Frankly, if they start to exhibit too much of either, they’d be placed into the same “insane” classification above. Too much empathy/compassion will inevitably endanger the Krangs’ collective mission, so more often than not offenders are put down rather quickly.

Note: I really need to emphasize that instances of the above (Krang feeling empathy or compassion/displaying extreme emotional responses that aren’t rage) are not ever a “ooh this individual from an Always Evil species saw the light and now they’re a good guy!” –situation. Krang who end up like this tend to be extremely erratic, and not particularly lucid. Their brains are not functioning the way they’re supposed to if they gain access to this spectrum of emotions, and it’s abundantly obvious. When I say these things qualify them as being insane, I mean it. 

—Krang do actually place importance on familial bonds, it’s just that said bonds aren’t usually based on any kind of genetic connection. Krang “siblings,” for example, are overwhelmingly not related in the slightest, and are completely family of choice. The deciding factors between becoming siblings versus just being comrades is that in addition to just being a pragmatic alliance, they actually like each other.

—It’s genetically impossible for Krangs to become inbred or suffer any kind of defects based on the relations of their parents, which plays a part in them not really needing to keep track of who they share genetic material with. (Krang tend to scatter and not really interact with any of their wombmates after being born - think fish or bugs.) Hilariously, though, mating with their chosen siblings is just as much of a taboo for them as sleeping with genetic siblings is for humans. Most would be utterly disgusted at the very suggestion. There is very little in common between human and Krang morality, but that’s one of the few places they overlap.

—Romantic connections are much rarer than the sibling packs they form, but not unheard of. Generally speaking, Krang usually just pair off with the most pragmatic match available during their mating period, and then don’t care if they never see each other again. But it’s perfectly possible for them to form a bond with one partner in particular, integrate them into whatever group they may currently be a part of, and then default to them during the mating period.

(The Krang: The only species where “You’re my default” is actually an incredibly romantic thing to say to your partner.)

—The Krang are hermaphrodites, capable of either inseminating or becoming pregnant depending on the situation. There are differences between males and females, just none involving reproductive organs: Females have heightened reflexes, males have a thicker hide (females have eight layers of skin, males have twelve). Baby Krang, being born fully cognizant (if much smaller and maybe a bit more naive than the adults), need to decide what their sex is the second they pop out, and are then responsible for producing the proper chemicals until they hit puberty to ensure their chosen sex. 

(Note: Attempting to produce all the chemicals to try to get the benefits of both sexes will result in the Krang-equivalent of an autoimmune disease. This is highly unrecommended for this reason.)

—Tying in with the above, Krangs’ collective idea of “gender” boils down to like. Stats basically. Did you opt for speed or durability? Masculinity and femininity are completely foreign (and useless) concepts to them.

—The Krang mating process is a combination of several animals I’ve read about. They all have a hectocotylus tentacle (the middle one on their right sides, if you’re wondering), which one partner will remove and present to the mate they’ve decided will carry the new Krang. The babies gestate (Krang will carry between about 50-70 palm-sized spawn at a time), and then when the time is right the kids will eat their way out of their parent. Krang are a lot spongier than most species, so unless things go horribly wrong they’ll survive giving birth, but it’s every bit as agonizing as you’d expect it to be.

—When mating, it's the Krang who’s deemed the stronger of the pair who gets the privilege of carrying the children, considering how violent the birthing process is. Which like, that’s rough buddy, but eh I mean tradeoff they’re also the only ones who actually get any kind of pleasure from the process? Krangs’ hectocotylus tentacles are numb (and y’know. Not attached to the owners body by that point in the event) so it’s not like the ones donating are having any fun...

—There’s four different kinds of Krang within the species: Makers, Interrogators, Assimilators, and Footsoldiers, all categorized by the unique abilities they do or don’t have. 

Makers are known for their ability to infuse the essence/power of the Krang into things. Think the flawless synchronization the three Krang we see have with their mechsuits, or hell – the Dark Armor. All made by maker-Krang.

Interrogators are characterized by their ability to literally burrow into people’s minds to collect information. We all saw how that worked. 

Assimilators are the ones capturing things in meat vines and turning them into mindless zombies for the Krang cause. They differ from Makers in that, while their control is fairly superficial, all things considered, they can take control of near anything. It’s ultimately irrelevant whether they're controlling a living person or an inanimate object (like a friggin train, as we saw in the movie), but their powers are noticeably more effective on living organisms. Makers, though their connection/control of what they infuse Krang energy to is close to absolute, can only do this with nonliving items. Which then drain the lifeforce/essence/souls of any non-Krang lifeforms who were unfortunate/stupid enough to try to control them.

Footsoldiers are defined by the fact that they don’t have any special abilities. Two’s a Footsoldier, and this is actually why she’s so fuckin feral with “no character development.” It was either prove she was strong by constantly being the craziest motherfucker in the room, or slip down to the bottom of the barrel.

—Despite what you might think based on the clear lines being drawn amongst “types,” there’s no caste system in place. They value strength above all else, which could come from any type. (It’s just that unfortunately for Two, it’s a lot harder for Footsoldiers to prove their strength than the other three.)

—It’s not uncommon for Krang to keep “pets” of some of the species they assimilate. They can grow just as attached to their pets as they would towards any of their siblings/defaults, it’s just that unfortunately everything said pet used to be before getting Krangified tends to get wiped clean. If Leo hadn’t shown up to rescue him, Raph had been on his way to becoming Uno’s new pet.

—Two words: Environmental mimicry.

Prior to being infected by the Krang parasite, utrom were an aquatic species (amphibious technically, but semantics). They had a number of things in common with a variety of earthen cephalopods, octopi in particular. Octopi are really, really good at blending in with their environments, and can do everything from changing color to changing their texture. Utrom had a similar ability. Not so much to blend in with their physical environments, granted (though they could do that too), but blending in with other species. In short, they can shapeshift without a cloaking brooch. 

This is very much a forgotten skill amongst the Krang, or at the very least no living Krang knows of it. Which, yeah, sample size of three, but the point stands. Krang are infinitely more aggressive than utrom were, and as such tend to (literally) tackle problems/adversaries head-on. They’ve had no need to disguise themselves for millennia, so over the years they collectively forgot they even could. Still, it remains something within the scope of their abilities, even if they never make use of it.

—Krang secrete mucus when stressed. Leo refers to the Krang as “slimeballs” in the movie, they're not actually all that slimy. Because looking at it from a biological standpoint, the reason why creatures are “slimy” (think amphibians and worms), is because their skin needs to be wet for them to absorb oxygen. The Krang, being aliens, might not even need oxygen, or if they do I question whether they’d process it the same as earth creatures. So there wouldn’t really be a need for them to be slimy 24/7. Instead, it's reserved for situations where they're in some form of distress. It makes them more difficult to grab in a potentially deadly situation, see, since Krang are most likely to feel stressed when faced with someone stronger who has murder on their mind.

[davenweenie]

I’ve spiralled into a Lab Rats hyperfixation recently and now all of you have to deal with it. I haven’t watched Mighty Med yet so some stuff about Elite Force may be wrong since I don’t know the MM characters that well yet. Most will be Chase-centric. Anyway, here are my HCs.

-Chase is trans, he is the most trans character I have ever seen you cannot change my mind.

-Adam acts like a d!ck to Chase but he actually loves him a lot and would actually kill someone for him (I stand by Adam being the cuddliest sibling)

-to reiterate the above, Adam loves hugs. He will hug anyone and any given point (Tasha is usually the victim of his super strong hugs)

-Bree loves girly stuff but when it comes down to it she can act like a classic brother (pranks, punching people in a friendly manner, bro hugging people, loogie contests, arm wrestles to prove who’s stronger etc) (THIS IS NOT ME SAYING GIRLS CANT DO THIS, it’s just that traditionally brothers do this more than sisters. This is coming from someone who has a sister and a brother)

-Bree can pick Chase up and used to always attempt to throw him like Adam does. She has not yet succeeded in throwing him farther than about a foot. Adam thinks it’s cute and hilarious.

-Leo gets along with Chase more than everyone else because they’re both autistic and they stim dance together all the time after Leo introduced it to Chase.

-Chase was forced to suppress his stims as a child because Mr Davenport wasn’t educated on autism/neurodivergence enough to realise it was helpful to Chase.

-Chase was not diagnosed with autism until Leo came along and both him and Tasha pointed it out that he is most definitely on the autism spectrum.

-Adam isn’t stupid. He just acts stupid and like he doesn’t know things just to annoy Chase and he thinks it’s funny.

-Adam has ADHD and struggles with retaining information that doesn’t interest him.

-Adam is also dyslexic and has dyscalculia (number dyslexia basically)

-Leo and Bree love reading comics together. Bree fangirls over Skylar Storm (since this is based on the seasons before Bionic Island and Elite Force. She pretends to not know Skylar when she sees her because she’s been bullied at school for liking comics before and she doesn’t want Oliver, since she had a crush on him, to know she reads comics)

-Adam and Chase can’t read comics. The colours and fonts make it hard for Adam to focus and Chase gets overwhelmed by all the bright colours with his super senses. The pages also feel very icky to him.

-Chase leans against Adam when he feels overwhelmed (this is kinda canon since we see this in the scene where Chase gets overwhelmed by the sound of the school bell in Crush, Chop and Burn)

-All the siblings play Minecraft. Chase and Leo have an amazing world together where they’ve built a whole city with really cool features. It’s their pride and joy.

-Spike doesn’t know he’s bionic and god forbid he ever finds out.

-Spike stems from Chase’s deep rooted dysphoria. Spike is everything he thinks he is not. This is why we see Spike portrayed as having a really deep voice and constantly flexes his muscles as a result of toxic masculinity.

-Chase can communicate with Spike in his head if he wants to, he just hasn’t discovered it yet because he still hates the idea of Spike taking over his body

-Chase and Sebastian definitely dated.

-TW for this one: Sebastian was abusive to Chase towards the end of their relationship, after Sebastian found out about the destruction of Krane.

-Chase falls for people easily and tends to blindly trust people because of his autism. He isn’t aware when people have ulterior motives as he’s not good at reading between the lines. (This is totally not based on me /s)

-And on that note, Chase uses tone tags all the time after Leo showed him what they were. Leo loves it. Adam is confused on what they mean and forgets the meaning so has a screenshot of what they all mean saved to his phone. Bree forgets to use them a lot because she speed types and makes a lot of mistakes but she tries her best.

-Adam is gay, he definitely went out with Owen but had to break up with him when they moved to the bionic island. They get back together once Adam realises that Owen can come to the island whenever he wants to. (I imagine this happens after the team is split up when Bree and Chase join the EF)

-Bree is lesbian. When she started school she realised all of the girls always talked about boys and dated boys, she was desperate to fit in so she tried to force herself to go out with guys. That’s why she never had a long lasting relationship. None of them ever worked out. She’s dating Skylar now (I will get more into detail about that in future posts)

-Chase is bisexual. I absolutely love this hc. He thinks girls are really pretty, and blushes every time a girl has complimented him. But he thinks boys are very pretty too. He only really realised he likes boys too when he had to pretend to be Bree at that school dance with Bree’s boyfriend (?) at the time. I stand by Chaz (Chase and Kaz) being real. They were so in love.

-Leo is pan. He’s gender blind and doesn’t care about the gender of the person he is dating. It took him a while to find a label that fits but when he finally found one (after hours of research with Chase) he was ecstatic. He asked Taylor out when he realised how much he liked her but it turned out she was dating one of the female students in secret. Leo now has a crush on Logan but is still trying to figure out how to ask him out since he’s never been with a guy before and he has a lot of past internal homophobia he’s trying to work through.

-Last one for this post, there will be a lot more. Leo’s dad was abusive which is why Tasha left him. She was a single mother for a few years before deciding to start looking for another partner which is when she met Mr Davenport. She was very picky because she didn’t want the same thing to happen to her and Leo again.

So sorry for the extremely long post. I just have so much to talk about.

[elliepassmore]

We Are the Beasts review

4/5 stars Recommended if you like: historical fiction, feminist stories, girls saving girls, real life mysteries

Big thanks to Netgalley, Delacorte, and the author for an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

This book is about the harm that befalls women at the hands of their so-called protectors, but it's also about women standing up for each other and it's about community. Joséphine and Clara immediately spring to the aid of a battered six-year-old girl, and the number of people they protect only grows from there. But as the number of people they protect grows, so does the number of people stepping up to protect others, and Joséphine and Clara themselves. That being said, there's definitely a lot of telling going on re: the theme of the book. Particularly at the beginning I felt I was being hit over the head with the moral point of the story, though later on it feels developed in a more natural way. I definitely think my rating would've been stronger if it was all showing, but that first 20% or so really isn't strong in that department and brought me out of the story a little.

I enjoyed seeing the relationships develop in this book. Joséphine and Clara are already best friends teetering on the brink of something more, but their circle grows with the more people they help. Some of the friendships they develop are surprising, some are not quite friendships but alliances with surprising strength to them. The connections felt different and I liked seeing the ways they came together and grew.

This is a historical fiction book and so it has some real people mixed in with the fictional ones. That being said, I enjoyed the way certain things are set up to give nods to other 'beast' stories. For instance, one of the characters is named Belle and one of the (very obnoxious) hunters makes his entrance with a loud gunshot à la Gaston. Likewise, I also got some Little Red Riding Hood vibes at times with Joséphine especially, but I also kind of think Charlotte fits that vibe as well.

The Beast of Gévaudan was a real series of events that took place in France at the time and to this day there's speculation about what the beast roaming the French countryside actually was. National Geographic actually did an article on it in one of their recent History magazines. I wasn't sure what direction Griffis was going to go in for the beast, or if the beast was even going to be fully shown at all or just the aftermath. I was actually kind of wary to see what would happen with the beast, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that I liked the direction Griffis took. Historically it makes a lot of sense, but it also serves very well with the theme of the novel (there's that nice showing) and I really enjoyed seeing how she connected this very real series of events to the fictional story she told in the book.

Joséphine is more than a little reckless when it comes to saving people or things she cares about. Our intro to her in the book is essentially her throwing herself over a cliffside to save one of her baby lambs that wandered off the side. While reckless, it's clear she has a big heart and is more than willing to stick her neck on the line for what she believes in and those she loves. That being said, Joséphine also carries trauma from her childhood and some of that reckless-savior-behavior comes from feeling like she needs to be more than enough to keep her loved ones around. Overcoming that and realizing that other people want to help if she'll open up and let them is one of her biggest struggles in this book. She can also be a bit blind to others at times.

Clara is a good balancing influence to Joséphine's recklessness and provides a more level head for planning. She's a healer and secret-keeper for those of the village, and knows enough of it's goings-on that she's immediately on board with Joséphine, but wants to be more strategic about things. I liked Clara's steadfastness and calmer brand of doing things.

One minor pet peeve: Joséphine says "Not today Satan" within the first two minutes of the book. Please, I am begging authors not to use modern slang and meme culture in historical fiction books, particularly not ones set in the 1760s. In France. Frankly, I don't want modern slang or meme culture in any of my fiction, even fiction set in modern day, because it 1) dates the book and 2) always feels forced to me. But especially don't include it in historical fiction.

Overall this is an entertaining book with a feminist storyline. The characters develop strong relationships with one another, sometimes in surprising places, and that is the core of the story. The 'telling' of the theme is a bit much in the beginning of the story, but it does even out later on.

[cartograffiti]

May '24 reading diary

This month, I finished 16 books, mostly quick cookbooks and graphic novels!

I started May by listening to a very unseasonal full-cast audiobook of E.T.A. Hoffmann's original The Nutcracker and the Mouse King. When I was a child, I read a lot of different text adaptations of the Tchaikovsky ballet adapted from this story, but only realized I'd never read the original when a friend got me to read Hoffmann's squarely horror story "The Sandman" a few years ago. This was creepier than the ballet story, though clearly written for children, and I'm very glad to have gotten around to it.

K.J. Charles, author of a large number of romances I'm a fan of, put out her first mystery A-plot novel, Death in the Spires. I think it's a good introduction to her style if you're not a big romance person, and I think it was the right call for this plot to prioritize the genre elements in this way, but I also have found her B-plot mysteries more exciting. No problem, I liked it a lot, and it has a lot of juicy thoughts about justice as distinct from the law and how trust is earned or lost. Gay disabled detective.

Two sports romances: You Should Be So Lucky, a sensational 1960s baseball player/magazine journalist relationship, meditating beautifully on the fear of failure and on grief. One of the mains was in a long-term relationship with someone who has died, and I think this is the best widowed romance character I've ever read. Sebastian is also just fabulous at taking a tour of a made-up person, full of small details and slice-of-life stakes. I've read all her books and will continue to; I like her particular approach to historicals and her ability to make queer happy endings distinct and individual. M/M.

The other sports romance I read this month is The Boxing Baroness by Minerva Spencer, which I only mildly enjoyed. Unfortunately I don't even have any real criticisms, I just very simply didn't click with Spencer's style on a sentences level, particularly in sex scenes. Your mileage will vary! There is a lot of really enjoyable bits about the hot honorable love interest thirsting over how strong and cool he thinks the heroine is, and he's right. This is definitely worth trying if the basic premise of woman boxer Regency is your thing. Wait, I do have one plot criticism--this would have been stronger without the epilogue. We didn't actually need to meet [historical figure redacted]. M/F.

Graphic novels--I used to read Chelsey Furedi's Rock and Riot when it was coming out as a webcomic, and I was excited when her follow-up, Project Nought, was suspended soon after launch because of a book deal. Unfortunately I somehow missed it when the book actually came out in 2017, and only when Heartstopper sent me on a nostalgia trip last month did I realize I could read it. I wish I had read Project Nought when it was new! A lot of the sci-fi plot no longer feels futuristic even 7 years on, although the core twist is just fabulous. There isn't enough of the interpersonal depth that shines in Rock and Riot, the villain plot resolution is a bit too easy for the YA market, and overall I just wouldn't pitch this as more than pleasant.

The rest of the graphic novels, far more than pleasant, I read volumes 8, 9, 10, and 11 of Witch Hat Atelier by Shirahama Kamome. This was a good batch to read close together, as they all deal with the events of the same festival. Unfortunately I have to wait for my library to buy the next to see the resolution, but that's how manga goes! I loved a lot of what's happening at this point, with some fabulous milestones in the Coco-Agott friendship, lots of good moments from my favorite of the adults (Olruggio), and continuing to push down on the question of forbidden magic. Shirahama brings in both strong cases of things that deserve to be banned (glasses that let you see through people's clothes, not treated as remotely funny) and things that...maybe don't. I really cannot tell what ethics resolution might be end-game, which is very exciting.

Cookbooks! My lovely mother surprised me with a copy of an 80s book I'd been looking for, Vineyard Seasons by Susan Branch. I wouldn't exactly call her style pastoral, but I've seen her rediscovered a bit by cottagecore, Ghibli-esque, and related aesthetic bloggers. If that kind of romantic daily life artwork appeals to you, you might like her books as much as I do; every page is full of Branch's watercolor paintings, sometimes ornamental borders and sometimes illustrations of the sights of her home in Martha's Vineyard. I read and re-read her books just to linger over the pictures, but almost every recipe I've tried has been a winner.

I also borrowed a whole bunch of cookbooks of literary-inspired recipes. I went through two by Alison Walsh (A Literary Tea Party and A Literary Holiday Cookbook), which were disappointing; they draw from a pretty small range of books, and rely a lot on food coloring to fit the themes. Meanwhile, The Mystery Writers of America Cookbook (ed. Kate White) has a really wide range of difficulty level and approach, only some of them inspired by fiction. Each recipe was contributed by a different author, making it fun in the same way that church and community cookbooks can be, but I don't have any wish to own this, either. I have two others still to look at. (And I already own some I do recommend, Kate Young's Little Library cookbooks and Tim Federle's literary cocktail books.)

More nonfiction: DK Publishing's really insubstantial small coffee table book Banned Books, which didn't have quite enough text (I shouldn't have finished any entries unsure on what grounds they were banned/challenged, and did), but some pretty vintage covers (and not enough of those either).

Really great, with loads of pictures and thorough text: The Big Reveal: An Illustrated Manifesto of Drag by Sasha Velour. I was first aware of gender-fluid queen Sasha Velour as an illustrator and zinester, and in many ways they're the reason I was first interested in drag performers. This book doubles as a history of drag and a personal memoir of Velour's experience with it, and I enjoyed both equally. The history is well-researched and thoughtful, and the memoir is generous and self-aware. And it has some of their comics!

And I'm still reading Dorothy Dunnett's Lymond Chronicles at about one per month. I finished Pawn in Frankincense in May--lush and devastating and funny and infuriating and completely absorbing. Still not a series I would recommend to everyone, and still one I'm so glad I'm reading at this exact moment, when my emotions can go through the juicer and not feel scarred afterwards.

[nyappyforeverbr]

【Interview】Miku (An Cafe) × ClubZy ONLINE │Part #2

In February of that year, 2023, Miku was interviewed by the ClubZy Online team. ClubZy is a Japanese magazine specializing in visual-kei artists managed by Visual-kei Oyaji/Seiichi Hoshiko. The editor in chief of the magazine is Hakuei (Penicillin).

To access the interview, it was necessary to pay a contribution/subscription fee on the ClubZy no Nico channel (Japanese live broadcast platform), Cafekko Sara signed and sent us the interview!

After starting their hiatus in January 2019, AN CAFE made a 'live comeback' at [OSAKA MUSE 35th Anniversary Event “OUR CANVAS”] held last June/2022. After such a surprise, they celebrated their 20th anniversary this year by performing at Zepp Haneda on January 5th and 6th, 2023. In addition, it was also announced that they will be performing live in Tokyo and Osaka in August this year, surely many readers are creating expectations for the full resumption of activities. We caught up with Miku (Vo.) to talk about An Cafe's past, present and future!

Interview: Takayuki Murakami Photo: Susumu Miyawaki

- An Cafe's live is full of performance, and Miku-san's vocals are amazing. Miku: No no no no! You think? (smile)

-And truth. Voice quality, music rhythm, vibrato, etc., are pleasing to the ears. And the attitude of always singing politely throughout the show was also brilliant. Miku: I always feel that I have to sing politely, and that feeling was even stronger during the January lives. I thought mistakes were unforgivable and I definitely didn't want to forget to express my thoughts. So, as I said before, I wanted to have fun, but above all, I sang with the aim of conveying my feelings. Therefore, it may have become polite music.

-I have the impression that you're the type who doesn't make excuses like "because it's a live show" or "because I got emotional". Miku: I often point the microphone towards the audience because I want to hear the audience singing. Instead of a call and response, there are places where the audience sings naturally, and I always point the microphone at them, but for this show I didn't think about making them sing. I wanted to sing it all myself, so I didn't let go of the mic.

-As expected. How about the temperature and vibrato of the song?

Miku: When I go to karaoke with my friends, they say my vibrato is really strong (laughs). It's amazing. The most modern karaoke shows the number of vibratos. So I managed to vibrato 90 times in one song (laughs). That's why, after all, the way Visual-kei sings is different from ordinary people.

-You use a lot of vibrato, yet the music doesn't sound weird. Also, the musical instruments are all very talented Miku: That's right... I guess. We grew up being scolded all the time, we've been with the same members for a long time, and we've all grown little by little, so we don't really understand each other. Because it doesn't sound like a sudden "pan!"

-All, as expected from a veteran artist, Teruki and Kanon in particular have really matured as musicians. Miku: Everyone's the same! "That's what you said in the interview just now." Hehe, that's right... I think I can sing in a difficult environment. -It's just speculation, but I think Teruki-san has a lot of drum practice. Miku: That's right. I had a set of drums at home, so I moved into an environment where I could play whenever I wanted. I'm practicing a lot. No, it's amazing. Teruki-san, I think you wish you were here (smile).

-I would like you to tell me that you learned that you are still practicing stoically (laughs). Kanon also has a wild playing and bass sound. Miku: I think you'll be happy about it too, so I'll tell you (laughs). -Please (laughs). In short, An Cafe's concert is really of high quality, with good songs, good singing and performances, a sense of the band and a variety of attractive manners. Miku: I'm happy. Really... I really want to continue as An Cafe, but it's hard because everyone has their own job. It turns out that An Cafe only has one member.

- It seems like a waste not to be constantly active. Fans flocked from across the country for the January show. Miku: For those who support us, I only have "thanks for waiting" and "thanks for coming to our live" feelings. AN CAFE took up most of mine. It was like a dream, so I'm really happy to be able to go on stage once again and spend some time dreaming. As I said at the beginning, it is not possible to create this space with just the members. It was a place where there were fans, so I'm filled with gratitude for dreaming again.

-Fans must have been happy to be able to experience AN CAFE live for the first time in a long time, so I would really like you to resume your activities. Next, let's talk about AN CAFE's 20th anniversary. First, how do you feel about the 20th anniversary? Miku: 20 years seems like a long time, but it was too short. It's been a while, 20 years. 20 years has been so much fun, so fast, and I feel like I've aged so fast. I still have vivid memories of the AN CAFE I was at as a teenager, so I feel like it got twisted in an instant.

-I understand that you have been doing a satisfactory activity. I think there have been ups and downs with the suspension of activities several times, but it's amazing that you've gotten through it and continued for 20 years. Miku: I think so too. I feel like the fact that it went on for so long is probably down to dating. It's the members, the fans, the staff, the media and I feel like our lives are blessed. I feel that I am alive because I have wonderful people around me.

-I think the reason wonderful people get together is because we are those people. Is there any secret why you guys have been with the same members for so long? Miku: What's going on? The members are very close to each other, but I don't feel like everyone decides everything together, and I think that kind of environment is good. Even if you have a lot of brains, you can't have a working band or crew. All you need is one person to show you the guidelines, and in that regard, I think AN CAFE is ideal.

~ x ~

to be continued...

[xjulixred45x]

Yui x Itadori AU!Crossover JJK/DL/¿Gojou or Sukuna?

This is the translation of a question from my inbox, which just talks about the AU Crossover of JUJUTSU KAISEN and Diabolik Lovers, with Yui being saved and having a cute romance with the JJK main character, Itadori :3, right?

I definitely like to think of this Au where Yui's partner is defined by the reader (although my personal favorite is Itadori) so the potential to write about Gojo with an older Yui is a tantalizing prospect (and realistic considering how the clan Gojo acts).

Gojo may or may not have been the one who saved Yui from the vampires in the first place, so from the beginning Yui would hold him in high esteem, not only for saving her but because she would quickly realize how strong he is and be inspired in a certain way. especially after realizing that even though Gojo comes from a strong clan, he's only human, he can die like her and still can with the monsters that terrorized her for years. That helps not to put him on a pedestal but in turn want to learn from him.

We all know that Gojo is not very fond of weak people, but I imagine that he interacts a lot with Yui in order to ensure that no one tries to kidnap her again, which leads to them getting to know each other better and understanding the context of what happened with the diaboys. , which leads to him respecting Yui more and not seeing her as someone "weak" but rather as a victim who did what was necessary to survive.

I imagine Gojo is very supportive of Yui getting over her trauma with the Diaboys, either by trying to warm her up by using her Normally loud and fun personality, but if that doesn't work, I think she could open up to her a bit to Let him see that he understands what it's like to go through something traumatic (this would be the most likely).

Yui has had birthdays in several Games, so I think she's definitely over 18 at the end of Lost Eden, so in Gojo's case, there wouldn't be much of a problem with the age difference. But even so, there is a different maturity difference and in personality, don't even talk about it, but it is partly a strong point.

Does anyone remember that SHIN dialogue in Dark fate?

"you told me this one day

"I am aware of how weak I am"

You're wrong.

You are not weak.

Aren't you stronger than anyone?

That's why I let your presence surround me, and I open myself to you"

It gives me a vibe that it would be something that Satoru would say to Yui, CHANGE MY MIND.

Besides, the dynamic with the boys would be hilarious, they wouldn't even believe that someone as adorable and good as Yui would be with someone like their sensei. I already mentioned it in the original post, but Yui is a mommy friend, so I wouldn't be surprised if Nobara, Meugmi, and Itadori see her as such, and totally ignore Satoru when he wants to be seen as a dad.

Taking a bit from gaming canon, Yui knows how to cook, I'm talking about soups, big plates for the Sakamakis (6 people) and most importantly BAKED GOODS DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO MAKE BAKED GOODS?? Apart from that they are delicious! Satoru becomes Yui's number one taster and brings her whatever she needs to cook to her liking, he helps from time to time so that it isn't so heavy, but you have to be careful that it doesn't end up in a flour fight.

GojoxYui is definitely something fun to imagine with the perfect amount of fluff and angst, the complete package.

NOW, with Sukuna I have mixed feelings, I really like the "bad REALLY BAD x pure person" trope, other than (in my perspective) Sukuna wouldn't want to kill Yui because of how useful she would be, which is already a good start, BUUUUUUT, I honestly can't imagine this relationship being healthy, don't get me wrong, I like it, but it would be hard to get anything out of Fluff without a Yandere background or something.

As I said in the original post, Sukuna at first would see Yui more as a trophy than as a person, but he wouldn't kill her for how valuable she is, both Sorcerers and Curses would want her, but only HE could have her because he is THE KING of curses. Now, I don't think Sukuna wanted to use Yui to get stronger because of Ego, he thinks he's invincible and for the most part he is. Does anyone assume that he needs a human to be powerful? Instant death.

I think I would only develop a greater interest in Yui if she makes the first move, I mean, Yui has already been around disturbed people (and even interacting with KarlHeinz before) so she wouldn't be as scared as the average person would be, since seen death before, unless Sukuna did something really barbaric in front of her or I tried to kill her(VERY unlikely). That probably catches Sukuna's attention and he wants to know more about her (like the interest she has for Megumi with a plus of constant interaction).

I talked about this a bit with my sister and maybe Yui will be able to get (probably not on purpose) into Sukuna's innate domain when she sleeps (like when she dreamed of Eden in More Blood) and thus interact more with him. I imagine Yui very curious about what Sukuna was doing before being sealed, which would 1. Raise the ego of this mf and 2. The esteem towards Yui increases.

When I say this would be a bit difficult without putting on the Yandere vibes, I really mean it, for a deeper friendship/crush point, Sukuna most likely won't hesitate to kill what he sees as a potential problem for Yui, the bishops who sent her with the sakamakis? Dead Karlheinz? Dead, the Sakamaki? Oh how he would enjoy this, after knowing everything they did to Yui he would be merciful with their deaths and be proud of his work. He may or may not resort to some manipulation to get Yui to turn to the dark side to his side and never be the victim again, he makes sure of that.

If we talk about an AU where Sukuna has his own body or his true form, let's be honest, Yui wouldn't do anything against him as long as she survived, it worked for her before and it will work for him now. After all, she knows that pleasing someone with a sky-high ego is a good way to survive (ask the Diaboys) and Sukuna would be HAPPY about this, not only because it strokes his ego, but because Yui willingly stays by his side as as long as he fulfills certain conditions (leaving Seiji alive, for example, and yes, one day I will talk about him).

Already established, I would say that it would be a dynamic where although Yui does not participate in Sukuna's bad deeds, she does nothing to avoid it either, she accepts his nature and instead lives better compared to other humans. It's his little lamb, adorable and naive, but untouchable. Something too precious to harm, but not just for her blood.

It's like a new version of the White Rose for curses, the White Rose of the King of Curses. Surprisingly protective of Yui, having the context of what happened to her, he is wary of everyone except maybe Uraume, at least Yui has someone else to interact with.

The YuixSukuna is definitely something, he has the old DL undertones, a bit of a dark relationship, with Yandere undertones, but he is surprisingly comforting and ironically much more loving than all the diaboys.

If there was a love triangle between the three of them, I don't think, I'm not good at doing something like that per se, but I would definitely like to see it with someone who knows how to do that kind of thing. stage, but I'll see what the future holds.

Some other day I'll talk more about this AU and its bases, but for now I hope you enjoy it :3

[arziaisfrench]

▪︎ IPKKND Ep 24 recap : Arnav decides to ignore his feelings while Khushi denies hers

Khushi's eyes prove how much she sees him as a man. And she always does when they are touching.

But as I wrote in my recap of ep 23, I feel like she also notices something changed in the way Arnav is being with her, how he looks at her. And everytime she senses a change, she feels the pull (that she already felt since the first day) getting stronger ! 😏🥵 (THE CHEMISTRY of barun and sanaya is soo ridiculously intense)

Arnav was still so confused about the strong feelings he got while seeing her in that red sari. Holding her so close to him was his way to get a confirmation. Khushi felt so protected in his arms. It was hard to let go. She lost control for few minutes. And when she locked eyes with him, she felt her own strong desire, her sexual desire for him taking over, taking her breath away.

But she doesn't understand what she is feeling for the first time in her life. She is so confused.

I think they could see in each other eyes that they share a mutual strong attraction, a pull despite themselves.

At this stage, Arnav doesn't want Khushi to notice how much it pains him to see her suffer. He doesn't want her to notice how vulnerable he's getting because of her, and how he cares now ! So of course, he'll try to cover his intentions by mean words. But he wasn't expecting her refusing his help to have so much an impact on him.

"Why for the first time I'm feeling like I'm doing something wrong. I am right. Whatever I'm doing is right. Then why … why am I thinking of her again and again? Just her face?"

See, he knew he felt that way days before his "awareness", he knew his mind was getting full of her, but he doesn't yet understand fully his heart (that he's falling in love). He just never thought of asking to himself why. Now he does.

" Arnav Singh Raizada don't care about any girl" (by care, he definitely means caring in a romantic way 👀)

That electric pull between Arnav and Khushi wasn't asking them to notice it, it was happening in mysterious ways, it was out of their awareness. Now, not only he's aware of the special attraction and sexual tension he feels about her, but he also can sense it's more than a physical thing. The thing tho, is that now, he's more conscious of her power over him, her being able to access to of his vulnerability. And at this stage, he doesn't trust her. He refuses her the access to his real-self, and therefore refuses to accept his feelings for her. Yes, I think he knows he's catching feelings now !!

Arnav is realizing he caught feelings, romantic feelings. He looks so vulnerable but also so powerless here. He never thought he could feel that way.

"I can't feel bad. No. At least not for that girl"

Arnav never loved someone in a romanctic way. I think he's not triggered about his lust for her. He accepted it somehow but the important thing to understand is that he is trying to reject his feelings for her ! He thinks he can throw them out just with his will.

She now holds power over him, without HIS permission ! She can steal his thoughts and now make his conscious feel guilty. And he hates the idea that Khushi is the one who can take control of him this way. A girl who he thinks doesn't share his views in life, who hates him (she refused his jacket when he was trying to be nice) and his way of living. A girl who thinks she is morally superior, who is stubborn and who believe in god and religion, while he don't, a girl he can't control, who doesn't let him take control of their dynamic !

"Why do I feel all this when we barely know each other? When we always argue when we see each other face? Why her?"

Not Arnav asking his current girlfriend the phone number of Khushi, aka the woman he's having feeling for !! 🙄 [It makes me so uncomfortable, sir break up with her already tf?!]

But I need yall to remember that when it comes to trying to understand Arnav if you haven't yet (cause yeap, he's a very complex dude, it's not that easy), you need to pay attention to the duality of the nature of his actions ! Arnav is very intelligent but he also has a very twisted way to fight against himself. I'm gonna try in the furture recaps, to highlight the upcoming fights between Arnav and Asr.

Always remember that Arnav really thinks he can control his fate, so each action of him when it comes to interacting with Khushi is for the most part INTENTIONAL !!! He wanted her number ! Asr is gonna of course find an "excuse" to explain this behavior, that excuse being trying to fight again with her, cause indeed to Asr, Khushi is a threat to Arnav's well being, he wants her out.

But I think the raw intention of this action (Arnav's action) is to move forward, a step closer to Khushi.

He then asks her to come to his house !!! HIS HOUSE! His world, where his family, so precious to him lives with him ! To me, this the proof of him opening his door a bit more to her (the door of his heart of course) !

[misssugarpinkshome]

Author Update!

Hey y'all! Here's the author update. Just posted Chapter 58, I'm so excited since the next chapter will be incredibly challenging for me to write. I hope you guys are excited as I am.

I'm... actually gonna put the update this time under a cut, cause it's A Wee Bit More Serious than normal, lmao.

The TL;DR: this boy can fit a whole lot of trauma in him, and he's kinda tired of it. It's been an incredibly hard month, but I'm also looking at the amount of growth I've done and I'm proud.

Thanks for reading, folks!!

(Big ol' trauma dump below the cut!)

OOOOKAY so like. Yikes!

I got called out by someone I look up to basically telling me I needed to shape up, and while they weren't WRONG, it really fucking hurt. As in, I got so incredibly triggered that I cried for about 48 hours straight.

This also led to me and a friend of mine having a really big falling out, and while it got resolved, oof it was exhausting.

At the end of those 48 hours, I had to deal with a situation in a server I moderate for where someone made some incredibly serious allegations about another server member.

The allegations turned out to be false, so we did not ban the server member who was accused -- which led to a callout post being written about me and the server, with false allegations about me that were incredibly triggering.

:) This was all right before a very nauseating 14 hour car ride :) Definitely did not fuck up my brain :) Definitely did not cause me to maybe split again :) Oops

My vacation to see my partner's extended family went really well at least? They're really awesome and good family. But I spent all of my free time working on a (currently around 50 page) document detailing all of the bullshit that happened with the allegations. Yes. It was that many pages. That's about a fourth of the bullshit.

Remember how I was on vacation? Well. I lied to my parents about my location. And they found out. And one thing led to another, I called them, they screamed at me, and... I broke my phone. I've made the decision to cut them off, because I just... can't handle this anymore.

Anyways. Cut to the present. I still haven't told them, but they figured as much since they can't reach me through my old number. My mom keeps emailing my workplace trying to contact me. I haven't been able to read them yet. My therapist is helping me compose a letter to my parents and my sister to let them know. My partner and my friends and family-by-association has been really supportive and caring, and it's a lot. Not to mention, school has started again, so now I'm back to being overworked and underpaid (and... actively dealing with some severe harassment from a homophobic student each day at the moment... ugh)

It's been an incredibly fucking hard month. The way I have to look at it, though, is that I am incredibly strong and I have grown so damn much. I have a lot going on, and normally, this would be enough to make me completely self destruct.

But (with the help of friends and my chosen family alike), I managed to help clean the living room. Today I did some dishes. I am ROCKING teaching. And... I'm desperately, hopelessly in love with my fiance, and feel safer than I ever have before.

I've always hated the phrase "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" because of what I've been through. But right now, I'm feeling very strongly a variation of the phrase: "what you survive influences who you are; processing that makes you stronger." I feel like I've grown a lot in the past year alone, and it's only going to get better.

So... yeah! There's a huge big long trauma dump. I'm so so sorry lol I just... I want you guys to know about the person behind the T_T profile picture. It feels good to be seen. <3