#we both did such incredibly shitty things

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

god fucking damnit

[blujayonthewing]

thinkin again about the time elyss's DM cut in to stop a conversation between her and a semi-retired player character to hurriedly take back control of him as an NPC before he could give her, as an extremely kind and thoughtful gift, one of his own personal belongings, and then said 'elyss can probably buy it from him though :)' instead

like. what an egregiously fucking shitty thing to do, actually.

[wlwgang]

Guys wait I had shiver on my nook from ages ago I’m rereading… watch this space

[weezerlvr228]

It's giving the...main character syndrome. like who tf does she think she is??? Y/N???

NO OH MY GOSH ANON. LET ME TELL YOU. LET ME FRIGGIN TELL YOU.

[sugrhigh]

THE BOY IS MINE - ( m.s )

REQUESTED**

summary- after years of friendship, you’ve seen matt date people before, but none of them have been as bad as this new one. you’ve never interfered with any of the girls in the past, but one night she takes it too far and your true feelings come out.

warnings- cursing, unprotected sex (pretend ur on birth control but also wrap it before you tap it), choking, cheating, dom!matt, it’s smut with a plot guys are we surprised (read at ur own fucking discretion PLEASE!)

a/n: thank you @stonermattsgf for the request!! i fucking loved this concept and the song eats down i hope i did u some justice <3 the touch it chris fic will be coming too cuz im fuckin with that song as well (if you weren’t tagged it wouldn’t let me tag you, i’m sorry!!)

@fawnchives @teapartyprincess4two @sturnioloco @mattinside @l9vesick @sturnsblunt @ev3rgreenxtrees @wh0resstuff @matthewsmocktails @cherrypostsposts @bxbynyah7 @seababehh @sturnsfav @mattsluv @sturniolossss @melanch0lybby @sturniolos-blog @lustfulslxt @sturnioloobssesd @ginswife @amypull @vivianalovesmatt @st4niolos @sturnioloobessed @sturnlova @bigbeefybitch @minhyucks @iheart-zegras @vicsguitarr @melonjollyranche @hearts4matty @vickyzloserz @user8000000 @xoxo4chrisss @unfilteredassmf @mattsbiggesthoe @chrisstopherfilmed @st3rniolo @goldengrapejuice @luv2matt @vsangel-starbies @mikaelabutterfield @mattnchrisworld @bluesturniolo333 @wurlibydominicfike @kp07on @hayleyreadsblog

in no universe did you expect to be pining after one of your best friends.

it had always been strictly platonic between you and matt, aside from a little harmless flirting over the years. you loved him and his brothers so much that you never wanted to mess anything up, or complicate things when the dynamic was already perfect.

but as much as you’re close with each of them, you know you’ve always understood matt on a deeper level. you share the same goals, the same fears, even the same taste in music and movies.

he’s always been the first person to check in, the only one who can read your mood like the back of his hand, the guy who cheers you up and lets you cry on his shoulder when things are shitty.

despite these sweet gestures, you’ve both had your fair share of relationships and flings while being best friends. none of them have ever bothered you before, and you’ve always tried to be respectful and kind to whichever girl he picks.

that is, until now.

matt is sitting across from you on the couch in their living room, slight frown etched on his face. his girlfriend, maya, has her legs sprawled across his lap comfortably, arms linked like she’s claiming him.

her eyes are practically locked on you. you don’t blame her; she’s well aware that you’re not her biggest fan.

all she does is complain about all of the things she doesn’t like about matt. last time she hung out with you guys, she was bitching about the fact that he kissed her in public at a party, as if she was worried he was scaring off other guys.

when he buys her flowers, they’re the wrong ones. if he takes her to dinner, she whines about the food. she’ll even criticize his clothes, demanding that they match and he hides the tattoos. to her, he can’t do anything right, even though he’s incredible just the way he is.

so it drives you absolutely insane watching the way she walks all over matt, all over his brothers, even you. it’s been two months of this agony, and you can’t believe it’s even lasted this long.

you spend nearly every day thinking about how much better you could treat him. every time he touches you, no matter how briefly, your skin burns in desire. it’s selfish to want someone who’s taken, and you’re well aware of that.

but you just love matt, you know him. and he deserves better. maybe it’s you, maybe it’s not. but it’s certainly not maya.

“give it to me, fuckhead.” chris’s voice rips you out of your trance, and you snap your head toward the middle of the U-shaped sofa.

he’s currently fighting nick for the remote, who slaps the side of his arm rather hard. chris lets go, only to pull his brother into a headlock seconds later. nick lets out a yelp of surprise, jamming an elbow into his side to get him to stop.

in all the commotion, you decide to grab the remote for yourself, a wide smile settling across your features as you take it into your palm.

they both notice quickly, groaning in protest as you wave it at them tauntingly.

“too slow! now i get to pick, idiots.” you tease.

“c’mon, i just went to war for that thing.” nick complains, kicking your leg half-heartedly, but you just shake your head.

“snooze you lose.”

you scroll through your options, trying to pay no mind to the way maya is whispering to matt for so long she could be reciting the bible. then your eyes land on a title that makes you pause, chuckling a little to yourself.

“oh no way, they have fucking cocaine bear on here?” chris cackles.

nick looks rather amused himself, raising his eyebrows like he’s intrigued. “i mean, i’m game.”

you glance over at matt, who’s already looking at you with a grin on his face. he mentioned the movie to you a little while ago, and how he just had to see how stupid it was eventually.

“why would we waste our time watching this shit? isn’t it supposed to be awful?” maya chimes from beside him, and your gaze narrows in on her.

“it’ll be funny, you know, ‘cause it’s so bad.” you reply, trying to keep your voice light and friendly.

she tilts her head to the side slightly, studying you with disapproving eyes. “yeah, i’m not so sure about trusting your taste. i mean, that god-awful outfit is just one example.”

the air seems to be sucked out of the room as you grip your sweats self-consciously. nobody moves, nobody speaks. you feel the anger flare up in your veins as you look at matt, wondering if he’s going to step in like he should.

but he doesn’t. in fact, he’s avoiding your gaze altogether. so you square your shoulders and turn your focus back to the girl you dislike so much. you’re done with the passive aggressive comments, with all of the bullshit glares and insults.

you’re done letting her bulldoze you. if matt wants to go through that, fine. but he doesn’t have to take everyone down with him by subjecting them to maya’s presence.

“well, you seem to be the only one who has a problem with my taste, so maybe you should just leave.” you say calmly, smiling sarcastically at the end because you can’t help it.

her mouth pops open, and you can hear chris and nick trying to stifle their gasps and chuckles. even the corner of matt’s lips turn up, which makes you wonder.

maya turns to look at her boyfriend, completely astonished. “are you seriously going to let her talk to me like that?”

he seems conflicted as he briefly looks your direction, clearing his throat to buy some time. you tilt an eyebrow, crossing your arms like you’re just waiting for him to pick his side.

she may have asked the question, but now you’re dying to know the answer.

“maya is right. and, uh, i think you should apologize.” matt fumbles with his words, unable to speak to you directly.

you feel the fury work its way up your face, and you force yourself to blink away the burning sensation of frustrated tears. maya looks far too satisfied, and you want to slap the smirk off of her face.

but you know you can’t lay hands on her, so you decide your words will have to be your knives.

“you know what, i am sorry,” you begin, raising your hands in surrender.

they’re both a bit surprised by this change in direction, so after a brief pause, you continue.

“i’m really sorry that you’re dating a stuck up bitch. i’m sorry that she’s constantly taking advantage of your kindness. i’m sorry that she treats you like shit, that she talks down to you like you’re a child, that she’s never satisfied with the things you do. and i’m especially sorry that you continue to let her, because you can do so much better.”

if maya’s eyeballs could pop out of her skull, you would imagine it would be exactly like how she looks right now. matt is also slack jawed beside her, and you can’t be near him any longer.

so you stand up, turning to leave the boy you love so much without another word.

the fresh night air of spring is a relief once you step out the front door, and you try to let it calm you as you hustle toward your car. you can already feel your phone buzzing in your back pocket as you move, presumably nick and chris.

you hope they’re not angry. it’s bad enough knowing that you’ve royally fucked things up with matt, but you couldn’t bare it if all three of them hated you.

you practically toss yourself into the drivers seat, slamming the door closed with a force that shakes the entire vehicle. you’re peeling out of the driveway before you can even reflect on the consequences of your actions, speeding home as if your life depended on it.

your ringtone continues to erupt as you drive along the backroads, but you force yourself to ignore it for the time being.

only once you throw the car into park in your own driveway do you check the messages, scrolling through the numerous notifications. unsurprisingly most of them are from nick and chris like you presumed, wondering if you’re alright and applauding you for finally standing up to the wicked witch of the west.

for a brief moment, their kind words make you feel better.

but then your eyes catch a contact that you actually don’t expect; matt’s. you stare at your device, throat going completely dry. a missed call and two texts.

matt

i’m coming over

don’t bother saying no, im already on my way

that was five minutes ago, which means he’s not too far behind you. you tear out of your car and across the yard, throwing the door open carelessly.

your heart is still slamming against your ribcage, and fear crawls up your throat as you press your back to the wood, kicking your flip flops off in the general direction of the coat rack.

your mind flashes to the idea of him yelling at you, which you suppose would be somewhat warranted. you’ve seen matt angry on a couple of occasions, and you can’t imagine he has anything kind to say to you right now.

you pace the foyer as you wait for his arrival, picking at the beds of your fingernails anxiously.

and then it happens; the loud knock on the front door, followed by another series of harsh slams.

impatient motherfucker.

you straighten up as your palm wraps around the knob, sucking in a breath before pulling it open to reveal a rather disheveled matt.

he’s breathing heavy, hair messy as if he’s been tugging at it for the entire drive. his earrings glint in the porch light as he stares at you like he’s trying to commit every feature to memory, wetting his lips hungrily.

“matt—”

you barely get his name out before he wraps his ring-clad fingers around your throat, pulling your mouth to his harshly. he molds against you perfectly, his other hand traveling to your hip to hold you flush against his own body.

he just couldn’t help it. he was so desperate on the entire ride over, replaying your outburst on a loop in his mind as he drove further and further away from his girlfriend. there’s been only a few occasions he’s seen you that upset, and your comments had been a necessary slap in the face.

plus, watching you fight for him when he was too much of a bitch to do it himself was a bigger turn-on than he’d like to admit.

all he’s ever wanted is you. and it shouldn’t have taken this long to admit it to himself.

matt guides you backwards, hand still squeezing your neck as he blindly kicks the door shut with one foot. you feel your back bump against the kitchen counter, and you’re trying to register what the hell is going on, but his kiss is so fucking intoxicating that it’s impossible to think clearly.

his tongue slides against yours passionately, and the flavored chapstick you’re wearing is driving him insane. you can feel him growing hard against your thigh as he toys with the elastic waistband of your pants suggestively.

you have no idea if this means it’s officially over with him and maya, but you find that you quite frankly don’t give a shit.

in this moment, he’s yours.

his fingers finally dip into your sweats a few seconds later, traveling down to brush against your clothed heat as he moves his mouth to your jaw sloppily. a breathy moan escapes before you can stop it, involuntarily rutting your hips against his cold rings in search of more friction.

one of your hands goes to grip the hair at the nape of his neck while the other claws at his back, desperately wrapping your knuckle around the cloth of his muscle tee.

“you like that?” matt grumbles against your throat, nipping at the skin as he begins to apply real pressure to your cunt in little circular motions.

your back arches and you tilt your head to the side so you can give him full access, silently hoping he’ll leave a mark behind.

“you���ve been thinking about me touching you like this, haven’t you? wishing i would come fuck you instead of her?” he questions further, moving his head slightly so he’s speaking directly into your ear.

the hand that was choking you slides down so he can grope your chest, his thumb running over one of your hardened nipples through the thin shirt you’re wearing. the combined pleasure has you whining in his grasp, a submissive sound that you wish you weren’t making.

you can feel him grinning as he presses his mouth to that sweet spot below your earlobe, his tongue darting out to wet the area.

“you want me just as much.” you manage to find your voice, though your claim is muttered with no conviction.

matt pauses his movements and brings both hands to your waistband again, which makes you whimper as you clench around nothing. his mouth finds yours briefly to swallow the sound, and he bites down on your bottom lip as he pulls away.

“you’re not wrong. so are you gonna give me what i want, baby?” he asks as he teases your sweats and panties just a little lower on your hips.

“keep going.” you plead.

you let go of your grip on his body so he can tug both items down to your ankles, helping you step out of their grasp before discarding them a couple feet away.

matt doesn’t immediately stand back up; instead he takes his time, kissing the side of your knees as his hands slide up the outside of your thighs. you feel so exposed, so on-display that you clench your legs together before you can help it.

he immediately pries them apart, shaking his head slightly with a little smirk. “don’t be shy now, you had so much to say earlier.”

his words spur you on, so you spread yourself wider, opting to grip the counter as he reattaches his lips to your inner thighs. matt inches closer and closer to where you really need him, taking his time to nip at the supple flesh that comes before.

he pulls away right when you think he’s finally about to put his mouth on you, letting his hot breath fan across your soaked center. it makes you shiver in anticipation, and you’re getting a little too needy now.

“quit fucking teas—oh shit.”

you throw your head back as his two fingers spread you apart, tongue coming in contact with the middle of your cunt as he laps at the wetness that had pooled there.

he slows his pace slightly after a moment, making sure to pay attention to the whole area, working his way up until his nose bumps against your clit. you spit a curse out, letting one hand go so you can grip his soft hair.

matt continues on, his lips closing around the sensitive bud so he can apply more pressure and suction. your gut flips at the sensation and your grip on his roots tightens as his mouth works.

he grumbles, loving the way you’re pulling at him so desperately. the noise sends vibrations through your core, which only makes the experience more enjoyable.

“fuckkk, matt, feels so good.” you praise dumbly, your words slurring.

the vocal admiration makes his pulse quicken, and at this point he’s straining against his jeans. he just can’t believe he’s got you like this, grinding your cunt against his face as if he’s the best you’ve ever had.

he can tell you’re growing closer just based on the little gasps and moans leaving your mouth, and your legs begin to shake ever so slightly. but he won’t let you finish just yet.

“want to be inside this pretty pussy.” he pulls away to say it, pressing one more wet kiss to the delicate area before he gets up.

you’re craving more, so you decide to take initiative, reaching for his belt and fumbling to undo the buckle. you tear it from the loops and toss it away, moving to his zipper as he reaches behind his head to tug his loose tank off.

his pants fall to the floor, leaving him in only his tented boxers. he’s quick to kick his shoes off, followed by his jeans right after.

then his hands go to your waist, fingers digging into the smooth flesh.

“up.” he instructs bluntly, helping lift you onto the end of the marbled countertop so he’s standing between your legs.

he lifts your shirt up next, and you help him out by throwing your arms above your head so he can fully remove it. his eyes train downwards, admiring the way your sheer bra hugs your tits. it hardly leaves anything to the imagination, and matt finds it extremely hot that you’ve been wearing it all night without him knowing.

before he can make a move, you surprise him by reaching back confidently to unhook the garment yourself. you let it slip from your shoulders before throwing it to your side, revealing your bare chest to him wordlessly.

he pulls his lip between his teeth as he exhales, gently guiding you downwards so your back is pressed flat against the cool surface. matt looks intimidating standing over you, his dark eyes drinking in every inch of your body.

“you’re so fucking sexy.” he says in awe, leaning down to give you another real kiss, a salty mix of sweat and arousal on his lips.

then he finds his way down to your collarbone, staying there shortly before traveling between the valley of your breasts. without warning, he presses his tongue flat across one nipple, flicking it back and forth.

you push your chest further into his face with a moan, both hands in his hair this time. he moves to the other perky bud, sucking on it as his teeth graze the tissue ever so slightly.

you’re practically writhing underneath him, and you can feel the pit growing in your stomach again. so even though it feels incredible, you yank his head back off of your chest by his hair.

“need you to fuck me.” you mutter, pushing his hair out of his face with both of your hands.

matt nods once, straightening so he can slide his underwear down. his erection finally springs free, pink tip glistening with precum. you watch as he spreads the wetness around, pumping himself in his hand a few times.

he’s bigger than you expected, and your mouth is watering just thinking about how much you want him to be pounding into you already.

“wrap your legs around me princess.” he commands gruffly, and you do just as you’re told, hooking your ankles behind his back.

his dick presses against your heat, and you buck against it to try and feel more. matt is quick to steady your hips roughly, holding you down against the edge of the counter as he teases himself into your entrance.

you both moan, his low and rumbling, yours high-pitched and greedy. you use your thighs to pull him closer, forcing him to drive into you fully so you can feel that pleasurable stretch.

“mmmn—fuck, you’re so tight.” he sighs, giving you another moment before he begins to drag his cock in and out at a steady pace.

you rock with him as best you can, finding the perfect rhythm so that he’s plowing his full length into you, filling the house with the sound of skin slapping skin.

matt lets one hand wrap around your neck again to choke you, tattoos on display as his muscles flex, and the pressure traps your lewd cries in your throat. his other fingers continue to toy with your nipples, which makes you arch off the counter, head rolled back as your eyes screw shut.

“look at you, taking me like such a good girl. just like i knew you would.” he compliments breathlessly.

he starts snapping his hips harder, enjoying the way your tits bounce as you slide slightly against the slick counter. you look so fucking beautiful, mouth partially open, barely able to squeak out a moan.

never in a million years did matt think he’d get the opportunity to fulfill all of his shamefully dirty fantasies about you, but here you are, completely naked and spread out in your own kitchen.

you’re squeezing around him now with every stroke, and he somehow keeps getting deeper, hitting your g-spot in a way that makes you jerk.

the familiar feeling of your abs tightening occurs as you get closer to your orgasm, and you swear you’re seeing stars at this point. he’s right there with you, a groaning mess as your fingers reach up to dig into his bicep.

“yes, matt, right there! m’gonna—” you fumble over your words, unable to finish the thought as the satisfaction builds.

he uses the last of his strength to drill into you, moving both hands back to your waist quickly so he can slam you down on his cock a few more times.

“come all over this dick baby, don’t hold back.”

you’re practically screaming his name as you hit your high, releasing all over him as his hot cum spills into you at the same time.

he slows his movements as you look up at him with bleary eyes, enjoying the last moments of being inside you before he pulls out. you feel your mixed arousal dripping out onto the counter, and you don’t even care that you’ll have to clean it up later.

that was completely worth the mess.

your chest continues to heave as you relish in the come down, dropping your thighs from his hips so he’s free to move around.

but matt stays between them, leaning down to capture your mouth with his one final time. it’s brief, but it means more than either of you truly understand.

he’s the one to break it first, pressing his forehead against yours before he speaks. “you’re incredible, you know that?”

you smile weakly, pushing against his chest to put some distance between the two of you. reality is creeping back in, reminding you that this was probably a one time thing.

“help me down?” you ask, and he complies.

matt lifts you a bit as you slide off the countertop, setting you back on real ground a second later. you’re not sure what to say as you stand before him, completely fucked out and terrified of whatever is coming next.

“so, um…i should probably get cleaned up.” you try to sound casual, even though you’re feeling anything but relaxed.

he immediately notices the switch in tone, the way you’re wrapping your arms around yourself like you’re trying to shrink away and hide. he’s also pretty sure he knows where this insecurity is coming from.

his fingers go to grip your chin gently, demanding that you look him in the face. your eyes widen as he brushes his thumb along your swollen bottom lip.

“i’m cutting things off with maya. i just…love you. and i’m sorry it took me so long.” matt finally admits.

it takes a second to click in your brain, but when it does a wide grin spreads across your face. butterflies erupt in your stomach, and you kiss the pad of his finger as he moves it along your mouth.

“i love you too, but i think you knew that already.” you tease playfully.

“yeah, maybe. but i like hearing you say it out loud.”

[tgcg]

argument

its a big one

TG: alright this is probably a bust

TG: more i think about it how the fuck do you even make a marinara

TG: can i even alchemise cheese or do i gotta like alchemise the milk and curdle it myself

TG: how do you even curdle

====================

TG: make a goddamn

TG: curgler

TG: whatever

TG: internet archive gonna pull through

====================

CG: ALRIGHT DAVE

TG: shit

====================

CG: YOU BETTER BACK THE FUCK OFF. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IN BULGEMUNCHING VIRULENT FUCK YOU GET THE IDEA YOU HAVE ANY RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD THINK ABOUT MY OWN GODDAMN PLANET. SORRY TO HAVE TO DEAL A BLOW TO YOUR IMPOSSIBLY INFLATED FUCKING EGO, BUT HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED THAT YOUR SIDE-EYE SLACKJAW HOPELESS DEADPAN BULLSHIT BEHAVIOUR IS ACTUALLY INCREDIBLY FUCKING CONTEMPTIBLE AND DOESN'T PUT YOU ABOVE OTHER PEOPLE? HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THAT?

CG: OR DID YOU JUST ASSUME FROM THE MOMENT YOU FOUND OUT I'M A REVOLTING FUCKING MUTANT LOWBLOOD FREAK THAT I'M SUDDENLY NOT ALLOWED TO LIKE THE IDEA OF MY LIFE MEANING SOMETHING AT SOME POINT?

TG: okay you are wildly misquoting me where the fuck did that come from

TG: also you scared the hell out of me

TG: im just trying to science some pizza here

====================

CG: OKAY THEN, DAVE! EXPLAIN TO ME AS WELL AS YOUR AMBLING ONE-NOTE SMOOTH EXCUSE FOR A 'THOUGHT'SPONGE CAN

CG: IN SOMEWHAT COHERENT TERMS, ALTHOUGH I KNOW THAT'S A TALL ORDER:

CG: HOW YOU SAYING MY ADOLESCENT DREAMS OF BECOMING A THRESHECUTIONER ARE "FUCKED UP AND IRONIC IN A NASTY ASS WAY" DOESN'T QUALIFY AS UNDERHANDEDLY KICKING ME IN THE MANDIBLE PRONGS!

CG: YOUR AUDIENCE AWAITS YOU WITH BATED BREATH! TAKE IT AWAY, M.C. BRAIN HEMORRHAGE.

====================

TG: okay i dont

TG: know how you got a hold of that phrasing because i said that shit in confidence

TG: get out of my business bro

CG: NEWSFLASH, ASSHOLE: THIS METEOR IS A PHYSICAL, LITERAL LOCATION WE'RE BOTH IN. IT'S NOT A FUCKING PRIVATE CHATROOM. THIS MIGHT BLOW YOUR PITIFUL MIND BUT PEOPLE CAN ACTUALLY HEAR OTHER PEOPLE TALK WHEN THEY HAVE TO SHARE A SPACE! BRO!

TG: ugh

====================

CG: AND IT'S VERY INTERESTING YOU ACCUSE ME OF MISQUOTING YOU, AND THEN SUDDENLY TURN AND SPOUT FROM THAT SHITTY DRONING GROANSHAFT OF YOURS THAT I'M INVADING YOUR PRIVACY WHEN I DIRECTLY QUOTE YOUR SMARMY LITTLE SHAMEGLOBES!

CG: WOW! TURNS OUT KARKAT IS ACTUALLY BEING GENUINELY FUCKING UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING — WHO KNEW, RIGHT? WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED THAT I ACTUALLY HAVE GENUINE COMPLAINTS TO LEVEL AGAINST THE PEOPLE WHO GO SPOUTING HOOFBEASTSHIT ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK TO THEIR ECTOSIBLINGS?

TG: no dude can you shut up a second

CG: I MOST CERTAINLY FUCKING WILL, THANKS FOR THE OFFER! I'M NEVER TELLING YOU A GODDAMN THING AGAIN, SO I HOPE YOU MANAGE TO GAIN SOME WRINKLES TO THAT VESTIGIAL FLAWLESS ORB FLOATING AROUND IN YOUR CAVERNOUS NUGBONE FROM ALL THIS. I HOPE IT WAS WORTH ALL THE EFFORT ON YOUR END.

TG: listen!!!!

====================

CG: MHM! MY AURICULAR CHAMBERS ARE WIDE OPEN!

TG: jegus

TG: okay

TG: i have no defense for my literal phrasing but how expeditiously did you shadowstep the fuck away after i said that

TG: because that is some shrek tier "princess and ugly dont go together" level misrepresentation of my sweet self

TG: like if this wasnt obviously a heated platonic argument we were having i would probably be digging what the reference even if it was a shitty trope

====================

TG: i just

TG: have been thinking about some things and none of those things have got an iota of a thing to do with you or your blood

TG: thing

TG: man

TG: i dont know why you think id be so pressed about your vein juice its like

TG: a normal ass color for a normal ass guy

TG: and obviously it was a major fucking deal from how you talk about it but it doesnt need to be anymore

====================

TG: the thing is i just dont like have the same attitude as you about fighting and stuff and thats not something i am getting into right now but i am gonna make it expressly clear

TG: that its just kind of fucked up for me to sit my ass down and listen to someone spew gold and medals and confetti colored shit going googoo all over tall and loathsome ass bloodletters he never knew

TG: and have him tell me he wants to be the best guy at combat since samurai fuckin jack

TG: and thats my capital B business believe me the emphasis is there

====================

CG: SO IS THIS ABOUT ME WANTING TO BE PART OF SOMETHING YOU DON'T AGREE WITH? BECAUSE THRESHECUTIONERS DON'T EVEN FUCKING EXIST ANYMORE. I LITERALLY COULD NOT DO THIS IF I TRIED AT THIS POINT, SO YOU CAN UNKNOT YOUR “KNIGHTY WHITIES” ABOUT IT.

TG: being anti-military is not my point but damn if it isnt a thing thats probably true anyways so good job sleuthing that out

CG: WHAT IS YOUR POINT, DAVE.

TG: bluh

TG: i just said i dont wanna talk about it man

====================

CG: OKAY,

====================

CG: OKAY.

CG: I MEAN. IT FEELS KIND OF IMPORTANT TO THE CONTEXT OF THIS WHOLE UNAMBIGUOUSLY PLATONIC ARGUMENT WE'VE BEEN HAVING

CG: WHICH I'M RELIEVED WE AGREE ON BY THE WAY

CG: BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO KNOW I'M NOT GOING TO WRING IT OUT OF YOU. IT'S FINE.

====================

CG: …IF YOU DECIDE AT SOME POINT THAT YOU WANT TO TELL ME THOUGH, MY RUMBLE VESSELS ARE STILL OPEN.

TG: i swear youre making those up on the spot at this point

CG: I'M KEEPING MY LANGUAGE'S ART ALIVE, DAVE. IT'S BASIC DECENCY TO THE PLANET THAT RAISED ME.

TG: heh

====================

TG: yknow we got these things called anatomical snuffboxes

TG: its got that right amount of vague nose wrinklage to it that i feel like youd be right at home saying that

TG: snug as a grub even

CG: WHAT PART IS THAT???

TG: its that little weird bone bit that sticks out on the back of your palm when you flex your thumb right

====================

TG: look

CG: HUH. LOOKING AT THAT IS KIND OF WIGGING ME OUT.

TG: yeah its kinda gross rose told me about it

TG: but anyways

====================

TG: are we cool

CG: I MEAN… I GUESS SO. YOU WEREN'T ACTUALLY INSULTING ME, RIGHT?

TG: hell no dude never

CG: OKAY. I COMPLETELY RESCIND THE MYRIAD OF WAYS I JUST INSULTED YOU. AND I'M SORRY.

TG: nah i know its just fluff at this point

====================

CG: I STILL DON'T APPRECIATE YOU TELLING ROSE THINGS I SAY TO YOU IN CONFIDENCE. THAT WAS BETWEEN YOU, ME, AND MY NOW NON-EXISTENT HOME PLANET ROTTING AWAY TO A CRATERED GRAY HUSK IN ANOTHER DEAD UNIVERSE.

TG: i swear that was like the only thing its just that she gets it and i cant keep my mouth from going on about the gettable stuff

TG: they call me the babbling brook the way my flows so audible

TG: i wont do it again

CG: NO,

====================

CG: I GET IT HONESTLY.

CG: I'M BASICALLY THE NUMBER ONE PROPRIETOR OF AIRED GRIEVANCES IN ALL OF PARADOX SPACE AND THEN SOME, AND I'D ALSO BECOME ITS BIGGEST HYPOCRITE IF I HELD IT AGAINST YOU.

TG: thanks

TG: but i mean

TG: at the gigantic risk of sounding uh

====================

TG: ………..

CG: ?

====================

TG: well

TG: i kinda just think youre better at being a guy to chill out and watch movies with than a guy to tangle fists with

TG: and i dont think theres anything wrong with being that

TG: i think its cool

====================

CG: …THAT'S AN ALARMINGLY BRAZEN OBSERVATION TO MAKE OF SOMEONE YOU'VE KNOWN FOR ABOUT THE SPAN OF SEVEN SEASONAL EQUINOXES, DAVE.

TG: i dont know what that means but it sure is probably

CG: AM I ALLOWED TO ASK WHAT EVEN GIVES YOU THAT IMPRESSION????

TG: i just got that inkling about you man

====================

TG: and you can do whatever you want with that info

TG: throw it in the load gaper or whatever if you want i dont really care

TG: give it a swirly and slam it in a locker call it a nerd break its glasses whatever

TG: but beyond this whole lord english thing weve got going on i am pretty content to never aggress my fellow man slash alien slash monster again if i can help it

TG: i think thats pretty fair given what thats been like so far

====================

TG: and yknow its cool to have some company when im waxing emotional over the narrative depth of click starring adam sandler which we are watching next by the way

CG: UGH, FIIIIIIIIINE. JUST TO MAKE UP FOR CALLING YOUR THINKPAN SMOOTH AND SUPERFLUOUS.

====================

TG: score

TG: we should argue all the time

CG: SNRK

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not having time to read my mutual's writing?

Met a mutual on here, bonded through fanfic, have been tight with them for a few years with pretty much no bumps in the relationship, just overall had a really good time hanging around them when I could. We both write a lot and share our writing, and occasionally we talk about that writing/workshop it in passing.

In the past few years I've gone through a ton of life changes. Most notably I went from a multi-person household to a single-person one, and I've been living alone in a prohibitively costly city for a while now working 40 hour weeks and barely scraping by. As soon as the transition started I spent the last of my free income on a shitty little laptop so I could still write, putting down words on my bus/train commutes in the morning and quite literally writing on my breaks at work because I feel insane when I can't create. I bring this up to really stress that I don't have the time for the hobby, I force myself to make the time and even then it never feels like enough.

The only thing I can really stand to do with my 3 hours of free time at night is hang out with my moots online. I'm an extrovert so being around people recharges me. If I don't have designated social time I get super depressed and can pretty much feel my soul withering away. I also feel like I should probably mention that I kinda have a slew of mental issues, personality disorders and PTSD and AuDHD and the works. Point being, shit is rough my dude, but I am a person who likes to work hard and face challenges head on and even though we strugglin, we doing it with a positive outlook.

But! I am an incredibly solution-oriented person and I have found what I personally believe to be a good balance. No one should have to live like this, but I do, and I have found a way to be happy. My writing and my social time is all load-bearing. It is not something I just choose to do on a whim, it's all planned and scheduled and I adhere to those routines very strictly because, I cannot stress this enough, I will go fucking bonkers if I don't.

I'm mutuals with a lot of writers obv, and I sadly don't have time to read their work anymore, unless I get some extra time on my days off or something gets cancelled or like, I end up taking a vacation. I carry a great amount of guilt for this, though, even though I logically know it's reasonable. I try to support them where I can, cheer them on when I see them writing and tell them how cool their ideas sound, hype them up even when I can't actually read & review.

One of the things I do is sometimes I leave a kudos on fic I haven't read. I'm not trying to be ingenuine, and if they asked me I'd tell them like 'Oh I didn't read it yet, just wanted to show support!' but to me it's kinda like ripping a paper tab off a poster so that other's feel inclined to do the same. Plus my pals get a little email and a hit of serotonin.

Except one of my acquaintances, the one I mentioned at the start here, saw that I left kudos on a couple pieces another mutual of mine wrote this year. They more or less blew up my DMs with a ton of accusatory (like, literally presented like a 'GOTCHA!') stuff about how I was selective in who's fic I read, more or less implying that I secretly held some sort of grudge or negative feeling toward them and was making the conscious decision not to read or interact with their writing because of. Something, I don't actually know what they were trying to say. They also told me they vented to their friends about this MULTIPLE times, but they never once approached me to let me know they were feeling paranoid or neglected, they literally just took the most bad faith reading of it possible and then presented that to me like it was something I intentionally did, while the whole time I was unaware.

I tried to explain to them the kudos thing, that I didn't do it to every story, just ones I caught/noticed in my busy schedule. And I laid all this out and asked, multiple times, what free time am I supposed to read with? They didn't answer, and doubled down, kept trying to show me 'proof' that I was shorting them and no one else. Once they started to realize how wrong they were they backed down, but they didn't really apologize, or admit they were wrong, and they tried to end our relationship and left every single server we were in together. Because of some other unrelated stuff going on in my life, I didn't really consider them to be a close friend, but they were someone I really held dear and would've walked through hell for if they'd asked.

I still feel like there is something I'm missing here, and that's why I wanted to ask if I'm TA. I'm a pretty good communicator but one of the things I told myself when talking down my disordered thoughts (guilt about this prior) was "no one in their right mind would use reading fanfic as a metric for friendship." Now that I've had that exact thing happen, I'm starting to think maybe those thoughts weren't so disordered. Maybe this IS a big deal, and I should think about it more, but I don't even know what the solution to that would be. I just. Don't have time to read something lovingly crafted and appreciate it for what it is. All the hours in my week are used up, I'd have to lose sleep for this and with my mental health the way it is that is not an option.

Feel free to be a brutal, my skin is thick. Thanks!

What are these acronyms?

[wilcze-kudly]

I do find it annoying how a lot of Zutara fans tweak the character's stories, personalities and even the timelines to suit their own needs.

Once again, there's nothing wrong with fanon and headcanons, however if looking through the lense of canon, you're objectively wrong.

I ended up stumbling on a post from a Zutara shipper. (At this point I'm regretfully considering not following the tags for Zuko or Katara because I get way too much Zutara content lol) I'm not replying directly to her because I don't want this to turn into an argument, and I know she doesn't take criticism very well.

Ok, So let's break this down.

The character who was first out of the group to trust Zuko?

I'm quite sure this is referring to the scene in Ba Sing Se's caves. And yes, that is a very important scene. I think it's a very important scene preceeding Zuko's 'relapse'. It shows how he's matured during his time in Ba Sing Se and therefore it serves to add to our dismay when he joins Azula. I adore the fact that Zuko's journey to redemption is not linear, it certainly adds a lot to the character and shows us how his trauma affected him.

It's also a horrific moment for Katara. To have her worldview on Zuko and firebenders as a whole challenged, and then for it to go blowing up in her face. It rips open old wounds of her childhood. It refreshes her resentment of Zuko and the Fire Nation as a whole. It parallels the death of her mother when Aang dies due to Azula's lighting and she is unable to do anything about it. It places her back in that spot of helplessness. Even though she's grown up, even though she's a master waterbender, she still comes a hair's breadth to losing one of the most important people in her life.

No wonder she hated Zuko so much after this.

It's an important moment for both characters, but I wouldn't say it is that in a romantic sense. It's a sweet, hopeful moment that then turns absolutely horrific and visceral for both parties.

I could argue that there are other characters who could be given the title of 'first to trust Zuko'. Funnily, Appa being one of them lol.

But other characters trusting Zuko dovetails nicely into the next point.

The character who emotionally connects to Zuko?

Well, technically, I'd argue that most members of the Gaang connect emotionally on one level or another with him?

But I'd argue that Aang is the person Zuko connected with the most. Aang is Zuko's parallel. Aang is the first person to reach out to Zuko. Aang is the person who showed mercy to Zuko, multiple times. Aang is the person who valued Zuko's life, the life of someone whose whole life goal is to capture him.

This was also an incredibly important moment to Zuko. This is the thing he brings up when trying to convince the Gaang to let him join.

Zuko: Why aren't you saying anything? You once said you thought we could be friends. You know I have good in me.

The character Zuko feels safest letting his guard down around?

It's Mai. Love her or hate her, her relationship with Zuko is incredibly important to him. Maiko isn't my favourite Zuko ship, in full honesty. But even platonically, Mai and Zuko are one another's reprieve from their respective shitty lives.

People often talk about Katara touching Zuko's scar while discussing healing his scar, however one could argue that she did so as a medical examination. Mai touching Zuko's scar is a casual thing, neither of them really make a big deal of it and that's the beauty of it.

I'm mainly talking out of my own personal experience, as someone with a huge amount of burn scars, but there is a world of difference between someone inspecting my scars like Katara did and simply accepting them as a part of me, like Mai does for Zuko.

With Mai, Zuko isn't the scarred banished prince, Ozai's son or Azula's brother. He's just Zuko. And they speak freely with one another, arguing like real people do. Often, being comfortable having arguments is actually a sign of being comfortable with one another.

The character who helps Zuko heal from his trauma?

Once again, this is a bit of a flawed question. By the end of the show, Zuko isn't even fully healed, in my opinion. He has made leaps and bounds on the road to recovery, but when he will truly heal if ever is yet to be seen.

Zuko's journey to recovery includes plenty of people. This includes Iroh, Aang, Song and Jin. People who show him the error of his coping mechanism. Who challenge his worldview, who coax him out of the his shell of pain and anger.

The character known for showing most compassion to others?

Yes, Katara's compassion is a huge part of her character. Her need to help and protect those who cannot do that for themselves cannot be understated.

But Aang's compassion for others and all beings is just as great, if not greater than Katara's. Compassion and nonviolence are huge parts of his culture and his own philosophy.

Aang: Wait, we can't just leave him here. Sokka: Sure we can. Let's go. Aang :No, if we leave him he'll die. Aang airbends himself off Appa and retrieves Zuko, bringing him to Appa. Sokka: [Sarcastically.] Yeah, this makes a lot of sense. Let's bring the guy who's constantly trying to kill us.

Friendly reminder that Aang could've absolutely wrecked Ozai, but held back because his own moral compass was so powerful. Hell, he was friendly and nice to Azula, the woman who literally killed him.

This is why Aang and Katara work so well together. They're both incredibly compassionate people who will immediately jump in to help others in need. Like they did during the Painted Lady, destroying the factiry together.

The character who primarily bears the burden of having to step up into a parental role?

I think "parental role" is an incredibly vague term. There's a lot of things that go into a "parental role". Katara plays a stereotypically "maternal" role, while someone who plays a "paternal" one would probably be Sokka.

Katara deals with very "homemaking" tasks like sewing and cooking, etc. And Sokka often takes on the role of leader, hunter, gatherer and also protector, despite being a nonbender.

This coincides nicely with their core childhood traumas. The loss of Katara's mother impacted her greatly, leading her to have to step up into a motherly role. While Sokka was clearly heavily traumatised by his father departing and the crushing responsibility of having to care for his entire village.

Sexism also probably played a part in this dichotomy.

The character who represses their emotions to be strong for others?

I'd argue that this could apply to all the members of the Gaang in some capacity.

Aang's pain is something most of us will never experience and cannot hope to understand. The complete horrific destruction of his culture and home followed him through the entire show. He was entitled to his grief and rage, yet he supressed it. We see during Appa's kidnapping, how easy it would be for Aang to rage, to let himself be destructive. And yet, he wakes up every day and chooses to smile and goof off, because his friends need someone to remind them how to be children.

Sokka puts on a very impressive bravado, despite having a lot of insecurities. However, as the oldest member of the Gaang (pre Zuko) he puts on a facade of the confident and unbothered older brother. Even if he's the butt of almost every joke, he still keeps that demeanour up, letting it slip only a few times.

I'd actually argue that Toph is the person whom this label fits best. While we know Toph as witty, callous and strong, we have to remember that she kept up the facade of her parents' good, helpless little blind girl for no reason other than her mother and father's comfort. She actually hides a lot of her hurt, covering it up with a prickly exterior.

I want to do longer think pieces about Toph and Katara so apologies if this isn't complete.

I'm actually baffled by the idea of Katara repressing her emotions. She's actually quite straightforward and open about her feelings. She yells and feels a lot of emotions and lets them be heard. She gets angry and sad. She's actually kinda bitchy sometimes and that's honestly why I love her so much.

The whole inciting incident of the show was her getting so pissed off she somehow pulls a giant iceberg from the bottom of the sea.

She is anything but repressed.

She is angry.

She's angry at the fire nation, at Sokka, at her father, at men, and with good right to be so.

This is what makes her an amazing character and one who broke the mould of a lot of female characters at the time. Her anger and unrestrained emotions rang true with a lot of watchers at the time. I'm not sure why this is being taken away from her rather than celebrated.

I reiterate the point I made at the beginning of this post: there is nothing wrong with headcanons and fanon interpretations for one's enjoyment. I do find it a bit odd when it changes a character too much (because then, why not just create an oc?) but it's all in good fun. However, you shouldn't push that onto other people and how they perceive canon and you certainly shouldn't use it to take away from other characters. It's a very unfair way of entering discourse.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

We Are and the evolution of Thai BL tropes

The QL discord started a rewatch of My Engineer a few weeks ago, and damn, has it been an interesting experience. At the time I originally watched My Engineer, there was little that stuck out to me, because so much of what happened felt so incredibly common in a lot of the (admittedly rather limited) number of BLs being produced. It felt like pretty standard fare.

But going back and watching it in juxtaposition with We Are airing has been so fascinating. This genre has been evolving, y'all.

As much as we all joke about always getting more university BLs, there is something to be said for a format that can be used as something of a metric for the genre. And though there's only four years between My Engineer and We Are, seeing them both at once gives me such an incredible appreciation for the direction the genre is going in, the impact of having more queer voices involved in the creation of QLs, and how there's a lot of good we can find in seemingly simple spaces.

Obligatory disclaimer: This is just my perspective and subjective interpretation of what I have seen as a BL viewer of some time; also I don't have time to go in and do a university deep dive, so this isn't a real analysis, but more of a brief writeup of observations.

Trends are not black and white, of course, there is a spectrum. I'm sure we'll suffer through more Dinosaur Loves. At the same time, having such predominant production companies as GMMTV putting effort into hiring queer creatives and subverting old cliche tropes is an encouraging thing. (Especially as they were the creators of the original university trendsetting BL with Sotus).

Note: For newer QL viewers, I highly recommend @absolutebl for brushing up on trope history. For university BLs in particular, this post and this post are great starting primers.

Let's talk tropes!

Ok, one more note - some tropes are being what I would consider subverted, some more adapted to a newer framework, and some just played with - I'm going to talk about how they appear to me, but I'm not going to be super pedantic over it, because this is just for fun.

Trope: Bullying/hazing behavior

This did not age well in My Engineer, and I would guess hasn't aged well in a number of BLs (and other media, because the whole "he's mean to you because he likes you" bullshit has been around forever). Not just because the behavior was shitty, but because it was played off in the script as cute, and implied that it was completely justified for the seme to do whatever he wanted in his pursuit of his uke.

(There was also quite a strong tone of internalized homophobia, with the lead feeling more comfortable in expressing his interest through harassment than honest emotion, but the show never actually engaged with that in any meaningful way.)

We Are sets up a very traditional enemies to lovers/bullying start to the story, with Phum taking advantage of Peem's economic situation to make him his "slave".

And yet... there's some important elements here that make this more than the standard use of the trope.

Phum keeps it pretty light in his bullying behavior, and clearly is using it more to keep Peem around as company, versus the kind of bullying in My Engineer, where Duen is literally hit by a car, and yet still expected to keep jumping to Bohn's whims.

As soon as Phum realizes he really upset Peem by leaving him waiting at the mall, he genuinely feels awful about it. It's clear that his intent is not to cause harm, and that he has a conscience. He wrestles with his feelings on it quite a bit, and it ends up being the thing that gets Phum to finally express an honest emotion with Peem.

And most importantly, the script does not let him off the hook. His behavior is bad, and is identified as such by the writing. Peem pushes back and is shown to be right to do so, Beer openly says he disapproves.

So instead of a cliche story beat that's used just to start the action, or a seme who's allowed to do whatever he wants because "passion" (blech), we're seeing it used for characterization, giving us important beats about who both Phum and Peem are in how they engage with each other through the use of the trope.

Trope: Obsessive/jealous behavior

Oh, this one was painful in My Engineer. Duen couldn't even talk to another human being without Bohn getting jealous and angry and dragging him away.

Phum gets jealous, particularly around Kluen, but what makes it feel so subversive here are two key things.

Phum's jealousy has a purpose here, it's not just for drama's sake. It's not the cliche seme doing whatever he wants and being treated as justified. It's deliberately being used to explore his insecurities, and give him a challenge to overcome. Phum doesn't stomp over and drag Peem away, he retreats, he hides. When his jealousy causes him to lash out at Peem, he is immediately aware he fucked up.

And again, the script is making it clear that this behavior is not ok. Peem chides Phum when he acts unkind to Kluen, and Beer makes it clear that the solution is not petty behavior, but actually figuring out a way to communicate his feelings with Peem before he misses his chance. This is portrayed as a barrier for Phum to overcome in order to be with Peem, not an expected part of a romantic relationship.

Trope: Friendship group

There are not enough words to express how much I love the friendship group in We Are. To be fair, this is one of the better historical tropes. We've gotten a lot of amazing friend groups, even in mediocre BLs.

But it's still different in We Are, for one simple reason. In most university BLs, the friend group is a supporting structure. But here?

The story lines may be about the romance, but the point of We Are is the friendship.

I will die on this hill, y'all.

I don't have enough time to go into it fully here, but this show is a love letter to friends. It's a tribute to finding the people who see the real you and have your back unconditionally. Who cheer your successes and commiserate over your defeats, who pick you up when the world knocks you down, who call you out when you make mistakes, and push you to be better.

And romance is lovely, but all of these budding relationships are about being friends first, and then lovers, because that friendship is just as important as everything else, if not more.

Trope: Pink milk

Lol, ok, kinda kidding, kinda not. I know we all got mad over the drink wastage, but also check out these visuals - it's about diversity baby!!

TanFang speed round

My two little trope-busting bebes. These two are already so beautifully non-traditional in their composition, but I love how frequently they are used to make fun of and play with tropes just on their own.

Introduced as pining crush/friend's older brother pair, but actually secret enemies to lovers.

Grumpy/sunshine pairing, where the sunshine used to be a fighter, and grumpy smiles when he thinks no one is watching.

Wound-tending where they keep poking each other instead of acting soft.

Openly mocking the jealous boyfriend trope.

Setting up the possessive trope when Tan doesn't pick up Fang's calls, only to immediately have Fang question if he's being unreasonable.

Setting up their own cute eating scene for kicks.

"First time" sex scene making it clear this is anything but their first time.

Tan holding Fang down in the cliche possessive pose, only for Fang to take the agency of kissing Tan. (And overall saying eff off at the cliche top/bottom roles old BLs were such a fan of).

In Summary

I'm sure there are more tropes that will come to me, and we do still have 5 episodes left of We Are, so there are some potential trope uses that I am keeping an eye on. This is by no means an all-inclusive list.

But I wanted to write this, because I was genuinely shocked to realize how different my My Engineer watching experience was this time compared to my first time. How over the last few years I'd come to expect more thoughtfulness in my QL media, even in the ones that seem shallow on the surface.

Considering how fast and furious the QLs are coming these days, it's easy to forget how recent it was that we were much more starved of content. And I think sometimes we forget to take in the big picture, of how far we've come in just a few years.

Critique is always going to be important, of course, it's part of what helps us make progress. At the same time, it doesn't hurt to take a moment to look around and see some good in where we are.

@sailorbryant thanks for the push to get this written! Feel free to add thoughts!

[unequivocallyreid]

Stay With Me Till Morning

hi guys! another fic for you :) i got a little carried away at the end, but you know how it goes. this is for any munch!spencer fans 🤗

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader

summary:

Spencer and you are co-workers, strictly co-workers, despite your feelings for him. A few nights sharing a room won’t change that, right?

warnings: mentions of body-specific insecurity, fluff, smut, oral sex (fem receiving)

wc: 3.2k

if i missed anything let me know!

One of the worst things about being a newbie, at any job, is coming into a place where connections have already been made. Working at the FBI, more specifically the BAU, was no different.

Now don’t get the wrong idea, working there was a dream for you, but there was no doubt that you were severely lacking in personal relationships compared to others. Derek and Reid had a sort of brotherly bond, JJ and Emily’s like sisters, and Hotch and Rossi’s went unspoken but still glaringly obvious. You existed in their orbit, and while you had all grown to love each other, you still felt a bit like an outsider sometimes.

Unfortunately for you, this feeling intensified whenever the topic of room sharing came up. Sure there were benefits, like having a room to yourself on occasion, but usually it just served to worsen your imposter syndrome.

The case that you were working currently, sans Rossi (he was on a book tour following his latest release), pushed this feeling to surface even more.

You all were in Upstate New York investigating a series of homicides that seemed to mimic a string of murders that had occurred 20 years ago. The town you were in was on the smaller side, so the only place you could find accommodations was a small bed and breakfast.

Said BnB did not have enough rooms available for anyone to ride solo, and with Rossi gone, Hotch and Morgan were buddied up, leaving Emily and JJ and Reid and you. Naturally, Emily and JJ bunked up together, leaving you to share a room with the boy wonder.

It’s not that you didn’t like Reid, quite the opposite actually, you liked him too much. You’ve always had a propensity for falling incredibly deeply incredibly fast, and when you met Spencer for the first time you proved you reputation correct.

Your first impression probably put him off slightly, but he was gracious enough not to show it. When Hotch introduced you, the first thing you thought was how ridiculous attractive the man in front of you was. His high cheekbones and big, brown eyes drew you in immediately. To make matters worse, he was fucking adorable. After snapping back to reality, you offered Spencer your hand, which he declined citing the pathogens and it being safer to kiss.

In one of your more impressive displays of cluelessness you said, “I think we could make that happen.”

This caused Spencer to flush and a ghost of a smile to grace Hotch’s face. Thankfully, in the last few months you had redeemed yourself slightly, developed a rapport with the doctor, and stood by hopelessly as you crush developed into a nasty little monster.

So, no sharing a room with Spencer wasn’t really an issue, but still, might just be the thing that breaks you.

~

“There’s only one fucking bed?”

You’d spoke far too soon.

After assuring Spencer you were completely fine and not at all uncomfortable with sharing a room with him, you and him walked together to your room, only to find a scene straight out of a shitty romance novel.

When Spencer heard you and noticed that there was in fact, only one bed, he immediately said, “I can sleep on the couch.”

Maybe you should’ve just agreed and saved yourself from a week of sexual frustration, but you couldn’t.

“Spence, that couch is maybe five feet long. I don’t even think I could sleep on it.”

You looked at him then to muster up some courage, “We can share the bed. We’re both adults.”

He looked slightly pained, which panicked you a bit. God, how fucking embarrassing.

“Or I can take the couch. I wont let you, but if you’re uncomfortable I can. I’m a bit shorter.”

Spencer hurried to speak, “No!”

His outburst took you by surprise but he quickly went on.

“I mean, no. I’m not uncomfortable. I just don’t want you to be at all or feel like I’m forcing you to sleep with me. Fuck, or I mean next to me-“

You cut him off before he could fall into a tailspin.

“We’ll share then.”

~

Sharing the bed had actually not been that bad for you at first. You were on your third day in New York, and you were making steady progress on the case. Hopefully, it would be wrapped up in a day or two.

Aside from the fact that you barely spent any time in the room, you had managed to stay on your side bed. The only spot of trouble was the dreams you were having, dreams about the person next to you that would turn even the worst sinner’s cheeks red. Still, Reid was acting no different, so at least you were confident you weren’t talking, or, god-forbid, moaning, in your sleep.

It had been an incredibly hard day. Not only was it freezing, but you had been outside and away from temperature controlled environments for far too long. Immediately once you got back to the Inn you were staying at, you asked Spencer if he’d mind you taking the shower first.

“I’m freezing my ass of right now. You don’t mind do you?”

“No, of course not. You know it’s kind of a superstition, but there’s some actual evidence that being cold can make you sick. I just read a study which showed 10% of people exposed to-“

You cut him off before he could finish.

“Spence, I’d love to hear about all that, but please just wait till I’m out of the shower.”

“Oh! Yeah, of course. Sorry.”

You shook off his apology as it wasn’t needed. That was one thing you didn’t get about the rest of the team; you loved hearing all the little tid bits of information that Reid let out. Yeah, he was like a literal encyclopedia at times, but it was never annoying. If anything it made you like him more. You loved the way he lit up when he told you about something he’d just read about, or read about 15 years ago. It was cute.

Getting into the shower was like a blessing. The water rolled over your cold skin and helped to loosen the muscles you’d been stressing all day. If you were bolder, or clueless to Spencer’s aversion to touch, you’d ask him to give you a shoulder rub. Your mind wondered off to where else he might touch you, but that was just wishful thinking.

After spending a near gratuitous amount of time in the shower, you shut off the water and reached for a towel. Only once you’d started drying off did you realize in you haste to warm up you’d forgotten to bring your sleep clothes into the bathroom with you. Now, you had to walk out in a tiny, hotel towel right in front of Reid. Sure, it was the start of a few of your fantasies, but in real life the idea seemed mortifying.

As quietly as possible, to not draw attention to yourself, you opened the bathroom door. With one hand gripping the point where the towel connected with itself, you tried to tiptoe unnoticed to your suitcase.

“Y/n?”

You looked up to see Spencer watching your frame like a hawk. As he took in your damp, barely covered figure, you wished to yourself that the lights in the room weren’t so fucking bright.

“I, uh, forgot to bring my clothes in,” and with that, you raced back into the bathroom to change.

After taking a minute to collect yourself, you make your way out of the bathroom again. The room is, thankfully, much darker and you see Reid tucked into his side of the bed. You climb in next to him.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. That was weird. I, I won’t forget my clothes again.”

“It didn’t, Y/n, don’t worry.”

With that, you both tried your best to fall asleep and put the day behind you.

~

When you wake up, it’s decidedly not light out and you are decidedly not alone on your side of the bed. One of Spencer’s arms is over your waist, holding you against his body. Still, you don’t know why you’ve woken up.

You tend to be a pretty heavy sleeper, and you know that some light spooning wasn’t enough to wake you up. As you lay awake, trying to figure out why you are up and what to do next you feel Spencer move behind you.

Now, you definitely know what woke you. Spencer, who could barely look you in the eye after seeing you in a towel, was grinding into while you slept. Obviously, he was asleep too, but that didn’t stop the shock of it all from hitting you like a fucking bus. He was silent aside from the occasional whimper, which sent shockwaves straight to your core each time he let one slip.

Despite this, again, being the start to a few of your own wet dreams, you were pretty literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. You felt like you’d be taking advantage of Reid if you didn’t wake him, but if you did you know he’d just about die from embarrassment. Or, worse, he’d think that you somehow executed all of this in a sick ploy. Not likely, but still a source of anxiety.

It took you a few minutes to get your head on straight, what with the burning feeling brewing in your abdomen, but eventually you realized that waking him up was pretty much the only thing you could do.

“Spence,” you said while gently shaking his shoulder.

“Spence, love, you gotta wake up.”

You were turned toward him now and saw his eyes open a crack, “Y/n? What’s wrong what’s goin-“

The realization of your situation also hit him like a truck, which was sort of comforting because at least you weren’t alone in the feeling.

“Oh my god, Y/n. Fuck, I’m so sorry. Jesus, I, I can’t- Fuck I’m so sorry.”

He went to spring out of bed, but your hand grabbed his arm before he could.

“Spence, it’s okay I promise. Honestly I’m surprised it didn’t happen earlier.”

“No, no it’s not. You don’t even like me that way and I was all over you-“

You cut him off when you heard this, “Spence, what do you mean I don’t like you like that?”

“You heard me right? I said your name?”

The world stops spinning, “What?”

“Oh, oh no. Look, I’m so sorry. I’ll go sleep in one of the cars. Fuck, I’m so-”

“Spencer stop. Please stop apologizing.”

It’s like an old Western showdown for a moment, the two of you staring at each other without making a move.

“Were you dreaming about me?”

He nodded, about to speak and likely offer more apologies. But, before he gets the chance you push your lips to meet his.

The kiss is soft and gentle. At first, his lips don’t move against yours, and you start to pull back, worried you read the situation wrong. Fortunately, before your lips could even part from his, he’s pulled you back in. His hands find the side of your face and his lips pressed into yours with a bruising intensity. Slowly, his hands moved to your waist, holding you in place.

The feeling rushing through you was unlike any you’d ever experienced. His lips molded to yours so perfectly it was almost unbelievable. If you’re hands weren’t so preoccupied by his hair, you’d pinch yourself to make sure you weren’t dreaming. With a move you didn’t think he’d possibly pull, Spencer bit into your lip, making you gasp. He took the opportunity to press further into the kiss, tracing your tongue with his.

Before you could fall completely into the kiss you pulled away to ask, “Spence, are you sure this is what you want?”

“I’ve been thinking about it since the day we met, Y/n.”

With that, he pulled you back in. His hands moved more surely on you, dipping below your shirt. The feeling of his skin on yours sent shockwaves through your body. You moved to take off his shirt in turn, desperate to feel even more of him. He was relentless, breaking free from your lips to drag his mouth down your neck and over your exposed collar bone.

You felt needier than ever, and evidently so did he. In another move you didn’t expect (maybe you should throw your expectations out the window at this point) he grabbed your hips and pulled you into his lap. With you straddling him, he moved to take your shirt off. Insecurity grabbed hold of you before you could push it away.

You stilled his hands in yours, “I haven’t let anyone see me like this in a long time. Just, please don’t be disappointed by what you see.”

His face morphed into one so full of love that it made your teeth ache.

“You’re my dream, Y/n. You’ll never, ever disappoint me.”

You let go of his hands and they resumed their previous journey, pushing up your shirt and letting that part of you be bare to him. Admittedly, you had to fight the urge to cover yourself, but when you saw his face you knew it was pointless. He was ogling you, not offensively, but more like he couldn’t believe you were actually in front of him.

“You’re so, so beautiful.”

His words didn’t erase the thoughts you had, but they certainly made them easier to ignore. Moving up from your waist, he went to cup your breast, fingers playing with your nipple which made your back arch into him. He took the opportunity to flip you over so you were laying underneath him. The weight of his body over you was heavenly. You felt him press himself into your center through his sweatpants. There were just thin layers of clothes between you now.

“Will you let me taste you? I’ve been dying to.”

You’re stunned from words but you manage to nod your head. As he moved down your body, he took your shorts and panties with you, leaving you completely exposed. For the first time in a long time, you didn’t feel scared of the feeling or his reaction to you. With Spencer, you felt completely at home.

You felt him kiss down your things, teasing you in a way that made you feel completely crazy. His breath ghosted over your core, but he still hadn’t made contact with where you needed him most.

“Spencer, please.”

Hearing your voice must have broken his resolve. He dove in like a man starved. In the past, you hadn’t found yourself enjoying the presence on a man’s head between your legs. Not that you had much experience, but the men who had you in that way always seemed to treat it as a means to an end. One of the two boyfriends you’d had refused to go down on you at all, and the other wouldn’t unless you were completely shaved. Safe to say you didn’t feel like you were missing much.

Everything was different with Spencer. He licked into you there was no place he’d rather be. His tongue over traced over your cunt as he tried to find all the places that drove you wild, and god did he. The noises in the room were obscene, from the moans falling from your lips to the sound of his driving you to an orgasm.

You locked your hands in his hair, grinding into his face without even noticing that you were. You were so close, and you found the final push in his fingers. God, his beautiful fingers.

His mouth was on your clit as he pushed two digits into you, curling in before pulling out, over and over until your legs begin to shake. His unoccupied hand pressed on your lower stomach, building up the feeling until you burst.

You repeated a mantra of his name as you came harder than you can ever remember coming before. The sensation took you out for a minute, but when you came back down and looked down at Spencer, you saw him staring at you in awe and completely soaked.

“Fuck, Y/n. Have you, have you done that before? I think that was the sexist thing I’ve ever seen.”

You were confused for a moment, wondering why he’d think you hadn’t orgasmed before. That was before you felt the damp fabric of the bed beneath you.

“Oh! Oh god, uh, no I haven’t. I’m sorry I didn’t-“

“Don’t apologize for that, Y/n. Fuck, I’d spend the rest of my life between your legs if it meant I could see that again.”

The constat praise falling from him had you noticeably riled up, and you pulled him up, back on top of you.

“Spencer, please. I want you. I want you inside me.”

“Fuck, Y/n.”

He made incredibly quick work of his own pants, freeing himself. Your mouth dropped open as you took him in. He was big, the biggest you’d been with, and he was pretty. You would have drooled if it wasn’t for his lips pressing into yours. He ran his middle finger through your folds before grasping himself. He followed his own path and ran his member through your dripping cunt.

“Fuck, baby, you’re so perfect.”

The pet name made you even more desperate, “Please, Spence. Fuck, please.”

He put you out of your misery, sinking into you in one motion. You had to adjust to his size, but the feeling of him inside you, as close to you as possible had you reeling. You bucked your hips up, urging him to move.

He gave you exactly what you wanted, pushing into you at a perfect pace as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear.

You were overcome and all you could mutter was “thank you, thank you, thank you” in time with each of his thrusts. When he started to push into you harder, you couldn’t help but squeeze down on him.

His hips stalled, “You’re gonna make me come, Y/n. You’re so fucking tight”

You let your hands take down his back, “Please, Spence. Want you to, want to feel you come in me.”

His pace picked up, and you could feel how close he was. Still he wasn’t done. His fingers again found your clit and rubbed circles on it.

“Need to feel you come on me first baby. Need you to come.”

His words made your head spin. It only took a few more thrusts before you were coming again, just as intense as the first time. You pulsed around him and it pushed him over the edge. You felt him come inside you, filling you completely.

“I love you.”

You couldn’t stop the words from spilling out, but you froze immediately after saying them, worried that you had ruined everything. But, just as he had done before, Spencer quelled your worries.

“I love you too. God, I love you.”

~

The next morning was bliss. You woke in Spencer’s arms, and let him into you again. The sex was slow and you each let the three words spill uninhibited.

When you went downstairs, ready to finish the case, you were met with the sheepish faces of your team.

Derek spoke first, “I’d say congratulations if you both weren’t so loud last night.”

While you were mortified, watching the rest of the team hold back their chuckles, you couldn’t help but agree that this was all a moment to celebrate.

End

let me know what you think!!

[ohnopeh]

i find it incredibly funny and telling seeing ian's reaction to mickey going to a hipster concert with his 'boyfriend'

he's there making faces and describing them looking at mickey as in 'this is everything you hate, are you for real?'

i love how his reaction is to laugh and not to feel jealous at mickey ''trying'' to ''fit in'' for the guy, cause he knows he's just doing that to keep the whole ''i've moved on'' thing going and byron. it also made me think how this is what ian did with his other relationships, trying so hard to be loved. he knows that doesn't work and that mickey isn't like that so he doesn't feel threatened by ian's poundland's version. but ian? ian had to listen to trevor's music, tried to be ''cool'' and go to the club cause trevor kept pushing himself over ian i'mnotafraidofanything gallagher.

i feel like ian's need to fit where people tell him to increased with s4 when he was maniac and away from his family. him being at the club, having ''regulars'' and parties (e.x. the one he went with mickey) he had this whole life that he didn't like but kept on shoving on himself cause he thought that's what he has to do to be loved. but then he's with mickey and s5 has him move on from that life as he's with someone who doesn't make him feel like he needs to try and pretend being someone else. s6 happens and the whole EMT is amazing but still, ian is still being used in ways (making caleb's father's angry + fucking a girl) so people want him just cause he fits with their needs and not what they can share together. its always ian giving to others. s7 with the whole trevor thing felt so awkward, he made ian feel like shit for not being up to date with every lgbtq term. trevor's group was basically this

despite that, ian was never enough. trevor kept telling him off and showing how cool and superior he is compared to ian. which is why i love how ian can see through mickey's bullshit, knowing that doing so its just trying too hard, not being genuine. its not what mickey and ian are. ''can't we just be ian and mickey?''

and i think that also reflects on s11 arc for them. ian wants to make the marrige work, he doesn't want mickey to regret it so he tries so hard, but by doing so they struggle to understand each others at first. they both want monogamy but a misunderstanding makes them both think the other wants to include people in their sex life. debbie and mickey point out that ian gets influenced by lip and that he doesn't have other friends. he thinks they seem it as something bad, something he needs to change. so what does he do? he decides that he and his husband are going to have gay friends and do the whole 'sex with others' thing. what's funny is that they both know they don't want that so what does ian do to convince mickey to tag along? he makes him jealous

''...who knows what will happen?'' and mickey sees through his bullshit

he's like ''are you really pulling this shit on me?'' so when he reminds ian what their decision was, ian tells him ''then i guess we should make some friends together.'' he tags along, they hang out with other gay people just like the ones trevor was friend with. but this time ian is comfortable saying that's not going to do it for him. but mickey? he's is a little shit and wants ian to learn a lesson so they stay till the night and all that shit. but THEN

they come back from the shitty hang out and mickey knows! he knows that ian finally understands. ian didn't have fun, ian didn't want to be with them, didn't want to force that lifestyle cause this time he's not with someone who's asking him to do that. ian even says

mickey's face is a clear ''no shit, sherlock.'' despite being himself with mickey, he's still struggling to accept that mickey wants ''all of the fucking versions of me.'' so he tries to force what he thinks will be the best for mickey, for them. which is also why he regrets getting the house on the west side after mickey's breakdown. he did sign the paper cause mickey was the first one to suggest checking it out, he knows that mickey deserves more than being a ''southside trash'' but he pushed it without giving mickey a chance to elaborate it. once ian finally realises that, he's willing to take a step back go back to where mickey is comfortable. this time though, mickey knows that ian is doing it for them and to show mickey his life is so much more than being what his father wanted him to become. and then the anniversary day? i have this headcanon that ian didn't say anything first because he wanted to check if mickey still cared about it, if he didn't regret getting married to ian. after a year together ian tried and 'failed' to make things work the way he thought they were supposed to be. is mickey still 'fucking crazy' for wanting that? so he waits, tries to remind him. they go to the alibi and ian has given up, he doesn't want to go out, he wants to go home and he's so desperate for mickey to remember their anniversary before the day ends. so he tells him but mickey reaction is anything but hurtful to ian. patting him on the shoulder and saying ''that's great.''

he must be thinking, 'this is the same person that fought so hard for us to get married, went all crazy over it and planned to kill his father for ruining it-- and now that we've hit the one year mark he's forgotten and just pat me on the shoulder?' cause ian knows what it feels like to be loved by mickey and he doesn't see it in that moment, he's scared.

the face he makes once he realises that he planned a big surprise for him, for them. for their love? its like he can finally breathe, they're okay, they're going to be okay. because they're ian and mickey and they love each other and go through everything together. ''thick and thin all that shit.''

and finally he knows he can stop trying so hard to fit somewhere he doesn't want to be, because he's loved for who he is, with all of his flaws that others made him think he wasn't worth the trouble. but just like ian makes mickey free, mickey himself makes ian feel free.

bonus 'mickey's ''no way i would forget about that'' expression.'

[mareastrorum]

An incredible amount of the Downfall discourse comes off as people trying to game the trolley problem instead of recognizing that there simply isn’t a right answer.

Everyone fucked up. This was a horrible situation that might have been prevented with more time, communication, empathy, all sorts of corrections. But it’s the trolley problem: what we have is a bunch of gods on one set of tracks and a far larger number of mortals on the other, and ultimately, the gods switched the track to kill mortals.

It wasn’t right. Of course, we could justify it—I’m a lawyer, and I could justify anything. That doesn’t change that it isn’t moral, good, or right.

“But the gods couldn’t kill their family.” Did we not watch C2, filled with shitty genetic families and centered around a group of found family idiots? Family only means what you want it to. Of course the gods could have killed their family. Half of them even wanted to! But the PCs chose not to.

“But the gods are gods, of course they should win.” Maybe it’s the grew-up-a-poor-minority-and-climbed-the-social-ladder in me, but I don’t see the virtue in an argument that those born into power deserve to make decisions about those who weren’t. One of the gods was already replaced by a mortal. Aeorians came up with methods to repel, suppress, contain, and kill gods. Seats of power change, and power doesn’t make someone right. It’s been incredibly surreal to see how many people think this is an acceptable argument.

“But if the gods die, they really die, and mortal souls are immortal.” While we know souls are immortal, the actual experience of the afterlife is a mystery. Is what Deanna described how it always is, or just in the particular plane where her soul ended up? Is it really immortality if the sense of self is lost and that soul is separated from all they loved in life? Similarly, we don’t know what typically happens when gods die because there isn’t a normal way for it to happen. Why were some gods’ names forgotten but they are remembered by the silhouette left behind? Why are other gods remembered like Ethedok and Vordo? We don’t know. Why are we belittling the fact that mortal death is an end while also arguing that it’s horrible how divine death is an end? They’re both ends! That’s a terrible thing to force on someone. It’s wrong.

The point of Downfall is that it was wrong to destroy Aeor. The Prime Deities thought so themselves. Of all the wrong choices, that was what they chose in the moment. They didn’t succeed because they were right; they were simply more powerful and outsmarted their opponents.

Downfall is a wonderful example of a story where the protagonists are not heroes. Bask in the mistakes and failures. Cry. Mourn. It’s a tragedy that every key character contributed to. It didn’t have to end this way. There’s blood on everyone’s hands. They’re all monsters. They’re all people. They were all trying to save something. No one realized they were in a corner until there was no way out but through.

The only correct argument about a moral high ground in this kind of story is that someone survived to stand over the corpses.

[saintjosie]

say what you will about tiktok but there isn’t a single american news outlet talking about palestine that isn’t just pro-israeli propoganda and tiktok is one of the few places where you can actually get information about what’s happening there.

do trends and shitposts get annoying sometimes? yeah absolutely. but it’s still an incredibly important and powerful platform for information dissemination when you are able to filter through bullshit with a modicum of media literacy and find content creators you can trust. and doubly so in the wake of twitter falling to pieces.

what if elon musk isn’t as big of an idiot as he seems? what if he’s playing a long con, willing to lose 20 billion dollars (which is not even 10% of his estimated net worth btw) in order to further his political agenda? and why is there suddenly bipartisan support for a tiktok ban via KOSA (kids online safety act), supposedly in the name of protecting children?

both parties know that the american propoganda machine falls apart when the power of information lies with the people.

remember when conservatives initially wanted to ban tiktok? they were willing to allow tiktok to continue to operate if they either sold to an american company or relocated their servers to american soil. and now after tiktok managed to avoid doing either one while also managing to avoid giving any legal reason for a tiktok ban, suddenly there is bipartisan support for a bill that essentially allows for unrestricted censorship of the internet in america?

another thing to consider - where did this vitriol for tiktok come from? did it come from someone you know? and where did that person pick up that opinion? can that opinion be traced back to an actual person or were many of these opinions seeded by faceless accounts, the same way that faceless accounts spread nazi shit, terf shit, and shitty lgbtqia rhetoric, to start the unsuspecting down radicalizing pipelines?

every major political power in the world is constantly running psyops to erode our ability to trust what we see online, to sow misinformation and distrust, because the uninformed masses are vulnerable to manipulation.

think about the media you consume. double check it. get a second opinion. learn how to engage in GOOD FAITH discourse. learn how to be kind. learn when to block and move on.

protect yourself and in doing so, protect those around you. because without the communities that we have online, without the ability to organize and share, we lose.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

One of the things I most mourn about not getting a s3 is a conclusion to Lucius and Ed's relationship. There is such an interesting and profound disconnect with Lucius' anger towards Ed and I wish so badly to see where they would've taken it.

Pushing Lucius overboard was, by far, the worst thing Ed ever did during his Kraken era. No contest. Lucius was the crew member who had gotten to know him best, and reached out to him with nothing other than support and sympathy. Ed pushing him was the cruellest thing he ever did, and while we can assume that Ed did that because Lucius was the only person who might see through his Blackbeard act, that's a pretty shitty excuse for hurting someone so badly.

And Lucius doesn't know what the fuck he did to make Ed do that to him, of course. All he can assume is that "Stede broke him" (which isn't even close to true). I'm so struck by his drawings of Ed in s2e5, because saying there's a disconnect between the anger and Ed is honestly an understatement. He draws Ed as he knew him best, with the beard, and the drawings are beautiful and soft and flattering. Even though the Ed that pushed him overboard was beardless, I think remembering that Ed is still too hard to hold true anger towards because Lucius remembers him vulnerable and hurting and crying and human. Lucius called him "Ed" before he was pushed overboard; in s2 he only calls him "Blackbeard," in a tone that makes it very clear he means it as an insult. He is clearly struggling to reconcile the man who hurt him so badly and needlessly with the friend he had.

Both Ed and Lucius are left unsatisfied with their attempts to get closure. Pushing Ed overboard gives Lucius momentary satisfaction but not much else, and later he tries to get Izzy on his side to chop Ed's leg off - he doesn't just want Ed to make amends, a part of him wants him to suffer, and that's so incredibly striking coming from this character. His closure comes from turning to love instead and focusing towards the future he can have with Pete. Ed is happy to let Lucius push him, but he's clearly unsure what else he can do. It feels like they're left on an unfinished note because it is unfinished.

Ed and Stede being so joyful at Lucius and Pete's wedding was a healing moment, but I wanted to see them talk it through.

[ooctlt]

I think the etiquette of ask blogs is a forgotten art. what I'm saying is (imo) it's not that people don't want to play, it is they don't know HOW, and more importantly they don't understand that the game exists to begin with. obviously you do not have to teach people the rules because your time and energy is finite but idk. it feels like from some of your OOC responses that you assume people know the rules and are playing badly, but I genuinely think people (me) just don't know what you are wanting them (us) to do. and also they (i) don't know how to tell if they (i) are playing the game correctly.

An example I am genuinely confused about is, is inciting a "shut up" answer a signal that the game is being played correctly, because we are inciting a reaction from the character? or is a "shut up" answer a signal that we are playing wrong and need to do something different? I'm sorry. I really love your art and seeing the story unfold but I'm confused and I want to play and I don't understand how.

yeah ive had a couple people tell me this has been the first active askblog in a while and the concept of askblog etiquette has been forgotten- @thatneoncrisis and i made a diagram:

link to full-res image

a "shut up" reaction will hopefully show whether or not it's a closed path of exploration: if you have gideon sweating, going "pshhh its nothinggg" it means there is something worth exploring. if you have harrow slamming the door in your face, that is an advance that wont work on her

transcript under the readmore:

DEAD END QUESTION ANON: CAMILLA DO YOU THINK HARROW'S HOT?

"Please stop talking to me."

This question is BAD because it's BLUNT, INCREDIBLY PERSONAL and founded on INCOMPLETE KNOWLEDGE of their relationship.

NOTE that its not that shitty questions will NEVER be answered, its that 1) they have a LOWER chance of being answered and 2) they have a HIGHER chance of being made fun of in character

gideon: haha who thinks harrow is HOT

DECENT INCONSEQUENTIAL QUESTION ANON: CAMILLA DO YOU LIKE TO DO ANYTHING FUN WITH HARROW?

"Sure. We run a lot of errands together."

This kind of question may not advance the plot, as it is INCREDIBLY BROAD yet NONINVASIVE. They're good for quick 1-3 panel answers. May generally be met with a less EXCITING answer.

It might also be DIFFICULT TO ANSWER because a broad question could include MULTIPLE ANSWERS - asking "do you guys go out" could not be answered SUSTAINABLY, because i cannot draw all the places they visit

ANON: EVERYONE, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CLOUD / WATER / MOLECULAR STRUCTURE / BONE / CAR / COFFEE BRAND/ BOOK CHARACTER?

me: "i have to do so much research"

NEAT QUESTION CAMILLA HAS HARROW EVER ASKED YOU TO DO SOMETHING WITH HER SHE WAS EXCITED ABOUT?

"Yes, actually. She once invited me to [REDACTED], I didn't know she liked that sort of thing."

This question is SICK AS FUCK because not only do you learn something SUBSTANTIAL about the characters, you have stumbled upon A NEW PLOT BRANCH, one that actively deepens character connections and their past within the world. It specifically remarks upon a MEMORY* rather than AN OPINION and will typically be LONGER.

Another good option is to PROMPT something following this:

ANON: CAMILLA, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY TAKING HARROW OUT TO DO [REDACTED] THAT SHE LIKES BEFORE XYZ?

and this can then spiral onward…

*DM, ONE TIME I ASKED ABOUT A MEMORY AND I GOT A RUDE ANSWER; WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

It's not that this topic can never be spoken about, it's about WHEN you asked it and HOW you said it, or even WHO you asked.

Some topics, like the nature of HARROW AND GIDEON'S UPBRINGING are too recent for them to talk about, it has only been TWO YEARS since they left and there are SPECIFICS about the situation that the AUDIENCE hasn't discovered yet. There are things like GIDEON'S PARENTS that she CANNOT answer because she DOESN'T KNOW and answering multiple asks with I DON'T KNOW becomes repetitive and dull for both the DM and PLAYER.

BUT! She can learn! Over time, when the time is appropriate and feels the most natural for STORY PROGESSION. Think of it like a BAD ENDING in a visual novel. You START OVER and ask a DIFFERENT QUESTION, or approach it from a DIFFERENT ANGLE. If Gideon reacts poorly to someone congratulating her leaving BAD CIRCUMSTANCES, consider talking to her about the FUTURE. Instead of trying to pry at Camilla to see if she had an INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP with Pyrrha, try to ask about other things in that period of her life, like how they met or what caused her to move out.

FINALLY, if you'd like an ask to be answered out of character, your best bet would be to goto @notedchampagne and send it there. If you'd like an ask to be answered SINCERELY or you don't want SNARK, you can specify this in the ask, but know this blog may not be your thing.

[lumosinlove]

Write Me In

Part Three

The next day, Leo had packed his suitcase up and double-checked that he’d entered the tiny phone numbers into his phone correctly six times. Then, with a cup of coffee made from the room’s shitty machine, he spent twenty minutes trying to draft his text to a group chat.

What did he say? What covered how he felt? Hi? This week was incredible? I don’t want to leave. I don’t want you to leave. I feel like we didn’t even say goodbye, I feel like I didn’t get to finish, when you’re back can we schedule—

And then one of the numbers was flashing up on his screen. He didn’t know which. Finn hadn’t given him names to match them to.

Leo stared at it for a good long moment, then hit answer.

“Hi—Hello?”

“Hey! Or, good morning, if you’re Logan,” Finn’s voice said. “We’re outside in the front area.”

Leo looked at himself in the mirror above his hotel room’s desk. “I—what?”

He’d assumed the car Finn had promised was going to be for him, not contain Logan and Finn.

There was a pause, and then, “Sorry I was drinking coffee. I got you one, just milk. I said we’re outside and ready. No rush. Do you need help with your things? Though it’s probably best actually that we don’t get out of the car, I see a bunch of cameras.”

“Oh,” Leo said. “I mean, no, that’s okay. I travel light, um. Okay, cool, I’ll be right down.”

“Sweet,” Finn said. “See you soon.”

Leo stared at his phone as Finn hung up. It was odd, but it wasn’t so odd. They were all going to the airport, why not go together?

Horrible, humid air hit him in the face when the hotel’s automatic doors let Leo outside. Not the nice, heavy kind that felt good on his skin. The thick, unbreathable kind. He could already tell that his hair was going to be a disaster. He let out a sigh at sweat began to prickle across the back of his neck.

“Need a taxi, sir?” asked a doorman.

“No,” Leo said. “Thanks, um, my ride is…”

Two friendly honks sounded out and Leo looked left. Through a slightly tinted window he could see Finn leaning forward between the front seats with a grin on his face and his hand on the horn.

“There,” Leo finished. He smiled at the sight. “Thanks, though.”

“Salut,” Logan said once their driver shut Leo’s door.

Leo looked between them. The car was large and spacious. Finn was next to Leo and Logan sat across from him. They both looked soft and plane-ready. Sweatpants, t-shirts. Finn had a baseball cap on that said evermore, and Logan had sunglasses pushed into his dark hair.

“Hi,” Leo said.

“Hi.” Finn held up a bag and coffee. “Muffin? They’re the best in this city.”

Leo laughed. “Wow. Yeah, thanks. Five star treatment.” He peaked inside. It smelled amazing. The coffee had just the right amount of milk.“And thanks for the ride, too. You guys didn’t have to do this, I could have found my own way.”

Logan got this beautiful sort of smile on his face. Half sweet, half disbelieving. “To Nice?”

Leo didn’t react to that right away. He was distracted by the bite he’d taken. Yeah, they’d definitely browned the butter.

Then it sunk in.

He looked at Logan. “What?”

“You were going to find your own way to my family’s house in Nice?”

Leo knew his mouth paused half way through chewing. He knew he probably looked stupid but— “What?”

“Easier if you’re with us,” Finn said. “Much easier.”

Leo looked between the two of them. “You…Wait. What?”

Finn’s eyebrows pinched together. “What?”

“I’m…” Leo swallowed, the food suddenly dry in his throat. “I’m going to Nice with you?”

“Ouais, of course,” Logan said.

Finn leaned forward. “I said we were going to Nice.”

“No, you said you were going,” Leo said.

“I said we.”

“I thought that meant you and Logan.”

“Non, we,” Logan said. “Our week isn’t done.”

“I…” Leo hesitated. “You want me to come on your vacation? That doesn’t sound very relaxing.”

Logan tilted his head at him. “How would you know? You haven’t tried it yet.”

“You…don’t want to come?” Finn glanced at Logan like he was worried.

“No, no. I mean—yeah, yes.” Leo laughed lightly. “Yes, I’d love to come, wow, thanks. I just…”

“Just what?”

“Don’t you…” Leo didn’t know how else to put it. “Don’t you want to be alone?”

Logan reached forward and put his hand in the bag on Leo’s lap, stealing a piece of his breakfast.

“Non, this one annoys me,” Logan said, and popped the piece into his mouth with a smile when Finn scoffed.

~

The house was gorgeous. It was more than gorgeous. The plane had been gorgeous. The boys had been gorgeous on the plane. Pleased with their music and their shows. Excited for the time off. Logan and his massive headphones, Finn with his nose in a book. Leo took the time to type up some more of his piece. A vacation setting change. He didn’t think he’d ever added that to a piece before.

Before he knew it, they were sitting on a cliffside terrace. There was a fire pit, unlit just then, and the sound of the waves crashing beneath them. The house was stone, the tiles terracotta and painted. It was open, one level, and seemingly perfectly suited to Logan. He looked…so good in its walls. Finn, too. Like in Finn’s apartment, Leo wanted to live in this kitchen. The fridge was stocked with cheeses and fruit. Beautiful cuts of pork and steak. The spiciest were vast, the herbs fresh or drying overhead, clipped to a delicate strand of wire above the sink. Potatoes and onions and garlic had dark, cool shelves beneath the counters. A wine fridge held ruby chilled reds and crystal whites. Looking over the sea, as they did now, the wind was heaven, warm and salty. Leo brought his Daiquiri—thank you, Finn O’Hara—to his mouth and tried to believe that he was sitting here in current company.

“You’re going to need some clothes,” Logan said suddenly. “Aren’t you?”

“I have t-shirts and shorts, if that’s what you mean.” Leo smiled. “It’s maybe the most beautiful form of summer here, but it is summer other places.”

“Swim suit?” Finn asked. He was messing around on his guitar and Leo was trying to keep how in heaven he was off his face. Finn kept playing all his favorite songs and the lyrics surged right into Leo’s head and made him wish he was a good singer.

“You got me there,” Leo said. “But if there’s a town I could go to—”

“Ouais,” Logan said—in the most enthusiastic voice Leo had heard from him yet. “I have to show you. Listen, I’m going to ruin you for other restaurants, because nothing beats Adeline’s.” Logan made a sort of adoring, scoffing sound. “C’est—It’s perfect. And we’ll buy you everything.”

“Everything? All I need is a bathing suit,” Leo laughed.

Logan looked at him for a moment, green eyes still bright, then shrugged and sipped his drink. “Well. Everything you want, then.”

As the sun began to set, Leo figured he owed Cassie a call so she could…well. Take care of everything else while Finn O’Hara made him drinks and played guitar and Logan Tremblay tried to buy him everything he wants, apparently—whatever in hell that meant—and showed him the gorgeous, sea-view bedroom he was now pacing back and forth in. He caught Finn’s loud laugh through his door and bit down on his lower lip through a smile. They probably looked amazing in the sunset. Leo wanted to write about that.

“Why are you in Logan Tremblay’s family home?” Cassie answered her phone with.

“What? How the hell did you—”

“I track you, I track your every move, Knut. Now don’t what me, you what!”

“I…” Leo pushed a hand through his hair and squinted out at the sea. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m in Nice. I thought they were flying me home, but apparently I’m…here. Coming with them.”

“Are you allowed to keep reporting? Like, is this still the job, or…”

“What else would it be?”

Cassie let out a breath that ruffled through Leo’s speaker. “I don’t know, you tell me. You all seem very…enamored, I guess.”

“Enamored.”

“Yeah, frankly.”

“You mean me,” Leo said. “Meanie.”

“I mean all three of you,” Cassie said seriously. “I’ve read the draft sections you sent me. O’Hara and Tremblay are handsy and sweet and…yeah enamored.”

We chose you.

“Cas…” Leo glanced behind him at the door. He’d told them about Cassie, that she read his work and would therefore read about them, but he still wanted to be as careful as ever until they told him otherwise. “They’re together.”

“Yeah, and someone totally wants both of them.”

“I do not—“ Leo glanced at the door again. She was in his headphones alone but he still felt the flush of nervousness through his entire body. “I don’t.”

“Okay, well, good. Because I don’t know how that ends for you, and I only want happy endings for you from now on.” Cassie was silent for a moment. “Just…I know who they are to you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, be careful. I’ve seen you heartbroken before.”

We chose you.

“I’m not going to be heartbroken. Cassie, they’re—they’re such a…thing. A unit. There’s no room for—I’m not like that for them.”

“They’re taking you on vacation. I mean…They could be alone right now and yet here you are. They obviously want something.”

“They’re…” Leo pressed a palm over his eyes, sighing. Of course he’d considered this. Thought it through, wondered why. He’d met stars like this before. He knew he was handsome. He knew his job was to make people feel intimate and connected with him. He knew sometimes it worked a little too well. “Yeah. Well, I’d never let any of my clients do something they’ll regret later. Whatever it is, a bit of a fun, a bit of…” Leo pressed his back teeth together and tried to imagine saying no if Finn and Logan offered…If they wanted to…If he was here because they liked him enough to want…what exactly?

“I won’t,” Leo said again firmly. “I won’t let anything…happen. Sometimes they just think they want me, you know it’s happened before.”

“Leo.”

“I’m professional. As a person.”

“What are you guys doing right now?”

“Having dinner on the pretty ocean.”

“What are you doing tomorrow?”

Leo bit his cheek. Dinner, swimming, shopping.

“Tell everyone I’m still working, upon request from my clients,” Leo said, and hung up.

He left his phone in his room and took a breath as he shut his door. Cassie. Cassie, Cassie. She wasn’t wrong. She loved him, he knew this, and she wasn’t wrong.

“It’s fine,” Leo said to himself. “It’s fine.”

He turned the way he had come, already drawn by the smell of the salty air from the windows.

He didn’t hear any talking as he rounded the corner, and the fire pit was empty outside. He was confused, and felt a little too alone in this grand house.

First, he noticed that the vast kitchen counter contained more than Finn’s cocktail hour fixings. Chicken breasts in butcher paper. Salt, pepper. Then he found them, tucked into a corner together.

It was a form of the kiss Leo had first seen, opening that dressing room door. A needy sort of thing. Logan had Finn by the hips, pinned against the fridge door. Finn was holding a lemon in one hand and his mostly gone drink in the other—dangerously close to spilling. Logan didn’t seem to care in the slightest. Leo caught a flash of his tongue and Finn made a sound that Leo would very much have liked him to record. The drink spilled.

Leo knew he should clear his throat. Make his presence known. Apologize, or just try to knock—or even go back to his room? But they didn’t look like they were worried about being caught.

What would happen tonight? They’d say goodnight and Leo would go to his room and they would go to theirs, and Leo wouldn’t not think about them sleeping side by side.

The bottom line was that he didn’t have anything to worry about. One look at the two of them, the way Finn’s entire body curved towards Logan, the way Logan pushed up Finn’s t-shirt hem to feel his skin, and Leo was sure they couldn’t have eyes for anyone else.

“Mm,” Finn murmured appreciatively as Logan’s teeth appeared and he—well, it certainly wasn’t a gentle bite. Everything about Logan wasn’t gentle, only, it was, really. “Logan—Leo.”

Leo took quick paces backwards and put a hand to his mouth in case he—what? What on earth sort of sound was he holding in right now?

“Okay,” he heard Finn laugh. “Okay, okay, okay, stop, I’m getting all—Lo.”

“I want you that way,” Logan’s voice said.

Okayokayokay, Leo thought. But there was no more sounds of kissing. Instead, Leo heard the sound of that lemon being cut in half.

“Do you think he likes it here?” Logan said quietly.

“Of course he does,” came Finn’s reply. “I mean, look at you. How could anyone keep their eyes off you…You’re so beautiful here, baby.”

A Logan laugh, the free one from the balcony at the bar after the show. Finn drew that sound out of him, Finn who was everything to Logan. How was it Leo had drawn it out, too?

“Do you think everything’s okay? He’s been gone for a while,” Logan said. “You’re sure he likes it here?”

Leo took one breath. Then another. He opened his bedroom door, shut it loudly, and emerged. Finn and Logan were still shoulder to shoulder, but not kissing.

Finn grinned when he saw him. “Hey.”

Logan’s eyes, already concerned from asking Finn, turned on Leo. “Is everything okay?”

Leo nodded.

You know we chose you, right?

“Yeah, yeah,” he said. He looked at the chicken breast Finn had on a fork and was moving from its wrappings to a glass bowl. He looked for other signs of a meal. Anything. Spices. Flavor. “No, good, just keeping them updated that I’m, like, you know.”

Finn laughed. “Here.”

“Yeah.” My assistant is worried about my heart and thinks you want to—We chose you.

“Is it okay?” Finn asked. “Did we get you in trouble? Because we,” he looked at Logan. “We can call someone. I’ll say, like, I’m being a difficult little rock star and made you come.”

That loosened something in Leo’s chest and he laughed, too—even with half his mind all but screaming at him to ask them what exactly he’d just witnessed. Instead, he walked further into the kitchen and offered Logan, who still looked worried, a reassuring smile.

“No,” Leo said, coming to a stop at Finn’s shoulder. “But you can tell me what the hell you’re trying to do with that.”

Finn stilled as he let the chicken drop into the bowl. “What—Oh. Um. Cook it?”

“Quoi,” Logan said, coming to Leo’s other side. “What does it look like he’s trying to do with it?”

Leo pressed his lips against a smile. “Hm.”

Finn hesitated, then offered him the bowl. “Why? Do you…”

Leo wasn’t going to get his heartbroken. He wasn’t going to break any of his rules, he wasn’t going to mistake starstruck for lovestruck. He wasn’t going to think about Logan and Finn talking about him while making out against a refrigerator. He wasn’t going to do any of those things. He would just…enjoy. Take what he thought was being given until the time came to stop. Restraint. He’d always been good at restraint.

He was going to show these boys a good dinner—and make use of a beautiful kitchen.

He gently nudged Finn out of the way and took the bowl of chicken breasts. A bit of soy sauce. He squeezed an orange over it. Salt, pepper, cumin, paprika, dill. He let it all sit and moved onto a salad and dressing. Watercress, romaine—a delicious looking purple leaf that he didn’t quite have a name for but it tasted divine.

Logan and Finn sat on the other side of the counter and watched.

“Finn,” Leo said.

“Hm,” Finn said, then looked up from Leo’s hands. “Hm, what?”

Leo smiled. “I’ll have another Daiquiri, please.”

Finn all but scrambled to comply. Leo heard the shaker going as he lay the chicken out on a sheet pan with some hot peppers and leeks. By the time it was in the oven, the salad ready to be dressed, and his counters wiped clean, Leo had a drink in his hand and a view of Logan’s bronzed skin in the sunset right beside him.

Right beside him. Logan’s bare knee against his.

“That was like magic,” Finn said as he settled down onto the couch opposite them, the sea at his back. “I’ve never seen someone do that so fast.”

Leo laughed. “I like to cook.”

“It wasn’t even in the oven yet and it smelled good,” Logan said. He leaned forward to pick from the plate of crackers, sweet apricot jam, and cheese. He was sticking mostly to the jam.

“Please tell me you don’t eat your chicken with salt and pepper only.”

Finn winced. “Guilty.”

“Sometimes we forget the pepper, I think,” Logan said.

“Oh my God.”

“We usually get something catered or we’re not even home,” Finn laughed. “I mean, greatest restaurants in the world or cooking at home?” He waved his hands like two sides of a scale.

“After this meal,” Logan said softly. “I think cooking at home.” He raised his glass to his mouth. “If Leo is there, anyway.” He mumbled something in French that Leo was pretty sure translated to something like, I’d never go out again.

“Maybe try it before you say something like that,” Leo replied in French.

Logan’s head jerked to the side to look at him. He looked like Leo had slapped him. Finn looked like Leo had presented them with some prize. A puppy or something.

“What,” Finn began to say.

“What was that?” Logan said in English.

“New Orleans, born and raised,” Leo said, grinning and taking a sip of his drink. “Might not be your French, but it’s something.”

Finn was leaning forward, nearly on the edge of his seat. He laughed and picked up his guitar. “Oh, Lo, baby, you’re loving this.”

Lo baby.

Leo had written in the piece that he sometimes thought he could feel their bond, crackling through the air. Singer, drummer. Oldest of friends. He could feel it here, too. Strongly. It settled over him like a blanket.

“Mais,” Logan was still staring at Leo, as if in a daze. “Ouais. I like being able to speak my own language.”

Leo reached for a cracker. “I thought for sure you’d hate it.”

Logan tilted his head at him. “Non. Why would I?”

“The accent, maybe?”

“Non…Non, the accent is good. Strange. But good. Really, so weird.”

“Well, shucks, thank you, Logan.”

Logan just smiled, eyes down, then stood and walked away.

Leo frowned. “What…”

“Oh, he’s fine,” Finn said from across the way. His red hair was haloed by the orange, burning sky. He looked…God, was there a word for how Finn O’Hara looked?

“Really,” Finn said. “He wants to build you a fire.”

During dinner, which they brought outside to watch the sun make its final appearance, Leo basked in Finn and Logan making a big show of enjoying the food—Finn was ridiculous, but Leo blushed anyway. Logan was quiet, but it was because he was carving bites for himself so quickly that Leo was a little worried.

“Can I ask a question?” Leo said when Logan came out with a bottle of sparkling looking wine.

Logan laughed at him and handed Finn the bottle.

“You baby,” Finn said, but Logan ignored him. “How are you afraid of champagne corks and not fire?”

“Shh, Leo has a question,” Logan said, and sat down beside him again.

“Right,” Leo said. “Yes. My job. I know. But that’s sort of what the question is about.”

“Shoot,” Finn said, his fingers expertly removing the wire from the cork. The liquid was a dark, orange-ish type that looked ice cold and refreshing—a nice contrast against the low, crackling fire Logan had stirred up. Logan and fire were made for each other. Even behind his drum kit, something was always burning, simmering beneath the surface. That was going in Leo’s story.

Finn popped the cork and rose to pour them small, slender glasses full of bubbles.

“Am I still…Is it okay for me to write the story?”

“What? Of course.” Finn handed Leo his glass, Logan his, but he didn’t return to his spot on the opposite couch.

He sat on Logan’s other side so Leo had to turn his body to face them. He tucked his long legs beneath him in the cooler night.

“Okay, I just wanted to check. Our setting changed, you’re not performing.”

“No, right,” Finn said. “But we wanted you to see this side of us.”

Leo nodded. “Yeah.” He kept nodding. “Yeah…”

All the lines he hadn’t wanted to cross, all of the worries about pushing them too far, they seemed far, far behind them. This wasn’t like any of his other stories. This felt so much closer to—to friendship. To trust. And Leo needed to know. He needed to know.

“Are you hoping, in this story, to write about your love?” Leo asked carefully. “Or, I mean, to share?”

They looked at each other. Finn’s hand found Logan’s hip, and Logan covered it with his own. Leo held his breath. He hadn’t realized how badly he wanted to write about this until now, not truly.

“Ouais,” Logan said. “Yeah.” He looked at Leo. “I told you. We chose you.”

Leo sighed out a small laugh. “Logan, I don’t know what that means.”

“We…” Finn spoke up. “He means for this story. Your writing. We chose your voice.”

Oh. Finn O’Hara, choosing his—

“Oh,” Leo whispered.

“Our music, our love, it’s the same,” Finn said. “It feeds into each other. It’s always been like that even when we didn’t…”

Logan closed his eye briefly, then looked back at Leo. And he was crying. I can’t watch what was my fault.

“We’d like to showcase that feeling, not just, like, some random picture of us holding hands or something. Your writing…Leo, reading it is as natural as breathing.” Finn’s brown eyes were syrup in this fire-dark. “Telling you about us was as natural as breathing—”

“Having you here is…” Logan cut in then stopped and looked at Finn like he hadn’t meant to, but Finn nodded. Logan put his drink down. He turned to face Leo more without dislodging Finn’s touch. “Listen. I’m not a loud person, I just play a loud instrument. But talking to you…Believe me, there is one other person I can talk to in that way, and everything I told you, he already knows.” He leaned back into Finn, who bent to press a kiss to his neck. Oh. “But…I wanted you to know and…” Logan blinked, the corners of his mouth turning down. “And I want…We want…Wondered…”

Slowly, almost as if he thought Leo could have missed it the first time, Finn, from his place tucked up against Logan’s body, placed a second kiss to Logan’s neck with his eyes on Leo.

Leo’s entire body seemed to change chemistry. Heat flooded through him so fast that he felt dizzy, his hearing cottony. His heart double-beat, sparks behind his eyes, cheeks burning. The fire was nothing.

He swallowed around a dry throat. “You…Yes. Yes, of course I’ll write it. I’m so, so happy to write it, it would, I mean.” He was stumbling over his words as hard as their first meeting. “Of course it would mean a lot to you, but it would even mean a lot to me.”

Finn smiled at him, all soft. That smile wasn’t too far from Logan’s skin. “Thank you.”

Leo just shook his head and put a hand over his pounding heart. He was happy. Thrilled. And he was also—

“Leo,” Logan said.

The way Logan Tremblay said his name. Lay-oh. Oh, he’d never get tired of it. What had he wondered? Leo felt just a little afraid.

Afraid that Cassie had been right. About it all.

“Yeah?” Leo’s voice came out a whisper. The fire snapped to their right. The ocean crashed far down below. Somewhere in the corner of Leo’s vision, a bird darted past as a shadow.

“This was a good week.”Logan’s voice was as gentle as the wind and firelight on his face. His neck was still bared, but with the hopeful, worried expression in his eyes, it looked just as sweet as anything. “The best.”

Leo could only nod. His mind was a mess of right now, last week, Cassie’s words, and Jack’s. Get the lights, would you?

Because what was happening? This was an invitation, Leo wasn’t stupid. He just didn’t know what kind of invitation it was. Because what was going to happen? Tonight would be tonight, shared and overwhelming and probably so insanely glorious Leo could hardly think about it. And then? He’d write about their love—and it would be a legendary love. Everyone would think so.

And what was he? What would he be?

He had rules, professional ones, yes. But personal ones, too. Get the lights, would you?

“Yes,” Leo said. He set his glass down and his feet back on the ground. He pushed his hair back from his hot face. It didn’t feel the same now. He could feel his throat closing. Get the lights, get the lights. “No, it has been. Truly.”

Silence from beside him. He could just see out of the corner of his eye that they were glancing at each other.

“This is a beautiful place,” Leo said quietly. He meant it. The house. The weather. But their voices were a beautiful place. Their presence was sun to bask in. Their trust for something this personal was something Leo could have walked around in all day. The sight of Finn’s lips on Logan’s neck was a quick shot of sea breeze, a warm hand on a perfect, cool marble counter.

And it was not Leo’s. None of it. And Leo didn’t know if he could make the mistake of thinking something was his when it never would be twice.

He tried not to think of Jack. As ex’s went, there was nothing loud about his horribleness. He’d just been…distant. Unwilling. He’d kiss only in darkness and walk only inches apart. And Leo couldn’t do it again.

Finn spoke first, and his voice sounded like it did when he spoke about Rooftop. “What do you…What do you feel like doing now?”

Leo drew in a shaky breath. “I, um. I think I should probably turn in.” He glanced over with a smile, not lingering long enough to really catch their faces. “But I’m looking forward to tomorrow. And…Yes. Tomorrow.”

Sometimes it felt like his words left him when he needed them most. 

“Okay,” Finn said. “Yeah, me too. We’ll show you.”

“Leo?”

Leo wanted to close his eyes. Lay-oh. It was so soft.

“Yeah?” Leo looked over finally. They were still curled together, almost holding onto each other now. For a moment, he almost forgot who they were. They were just two boys. Two unbearably perfect boys.

“Thank you for dinner,” Logan said.

“Oh.” Leo laughed a little, rubbing the back of his neck. “No. Thank you for this.” He looked out at the night sea and forced himself to stand. He took in a last lungful of sea breeze.

“Let us know if you need anything,” Logan said. “There’s towels and there’s a drawer of anything you need in the bathroom, but if something’s…missing, or if you want something, please tell me.” Logan’s green eyes looked vivid in the firelight. “Please tell us.”

“I will,” Leo said. “I…” He shivered as he stepped away from the fire. The stones were cold on his bare feet. “Good night.”

He stepped through the sliding door into the dim house. It smelled good. Piney. Like Logan.

When Leo spared a look back to the fire, their heads were bent together, two doves. A perfect fit.