#we getting rid of our fear of writing in digital with this one

[leafyloveslaughing]

tiresias what are you doing hereee

[dayntee]

Re: The Fen'Harem Made Me Do It

I wanted to put this out here for folks to be aware of even though like... most of my mutuals probably know this already.

A bunch of us Solasmancers of various kinds gather together on a Discord server called The Fen'Harem. What you may not know about it is that it's probably the nicest, most chill, most supportive, friendliest online community I've ever been a part of.

No, really, we're like aggressively supportive of one another. When you're feeling down or self-critical, you will absolutely be hit with a deluge of supportive messages, digital hugs, and kind words. It's sort of incredible.

Anywho, there's a good chance if you've read more recent Solavellan (or Solas anything, really) fanfiction and sometimes fanart, you've probably come across one of the authors/artists that hangs out or lurks in our halls. You might have even come across the following tag:

#The Fen'Harem Made Me Do It

This tag's starting to see use on both AO3 and here on tumblr (maybe elsewhere like BlueSky, but I haven't checked). What it means is that the person posting likely is on that server and/or that server is directly responsible for harassing supportively inspiring that work into being.

My own fic, That Year at Arlathan University, is just one of many examples of this. For real, I would have never come up with any of these ideas without the Fen'Harem. I certainly wouldn't still be writing it without them, either. I fell back into Dragon Age fandom with Veilguard at launch; that I'm writing the same crack story almost half a year later is kind of insane. And I've genuinely made some lovely friends that will have a hard time ever getting rid of me now.

(You know who you are.)

This community is incredibly talented and have helped me with innumerable things:

Getting through a very rough depressive patch with unemployment

Helping me get over my fear of writing and posting smut

Inspiring me to be more sex positive overall (which, truthfully, has had an incredibly positive impact on my health and marriage)

Giving me a group of friends I love and know are always there when I need them... and know that I'm there to do the same

I'm a community manager by trade, over ten years of it. Take it from me when I say that these sorts of communities are precious, rare, and take a lot of work to maintain, especially as safe spaces that happen to attract a lot of marginalized folks (fandom do be like that). I'm always grateful I have this place, and it's hard for me to not check in on everyone at least once a day.

This ended up longer than I intended, but TLDR:

Go read our fics here because holy shit everyone is so goddamn talented.

Join the server if you need a place to scream about the egg and never be judged for it. Trust me. We have egg.

The mods deserve a special level of love and appreciation, because they keep this boat safe and afloat and I honestly don't know what I'd do without it

Always put in what you get out of a community. Fandom is a space of giving and taking, and the Fen'Harem is one of the purest forms of that I've ever seen.

And to the rest of the Fen'Harem, ya'll just need to know: I love you guys. 💖

[chacolachao]

what are your thoughts on Amy Rose throughout the franchises history and how a possible year of Amy in 2027 could or should, revitalize her as a character.

Amy Rose was my absolute favorite character (besides Sonic ofc) and I would unironically roleplay as her chasing my friends around in groups of 3 ie. Sonic Heroes in Elementary school haha

This is going to be long~~~

She was my favorite pink powerhouse that my little child brain latched onto like a lifeline. She actually fell right in line with other characters I loved around the same time and would eventually know, both in presentation and personality:

Perhaps this was of its time but there was something very appealing of a cute girly character having a strong personality to me, and was prevalent in a lot of Japanese media at the time. Of course, it wasnt apparent that Amy was a character that filled the "is girl" role because I was introduced to her alongside other characters like Rouge and Cream. The ratio was still abysmal but thats a far concept for someone still in single digits age. Amy's attire, outside of her original classic look had a very 60s Go-Go boots in a halter sunskirt look, along with gold bangles that are a bit reminiscent of Nana's eclectic styling- it was very unapologetic in the space it takes up and leaned into a streamlined coloring that could fit with Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles well. She definitely fit in as a part of the group visually. She, of course, gets lambasted for being so over the top in love with Sonic, making it her main motivation in a lot of the games but I don't think it really needed to be that complex. Looking at Sonic, his whole motivation is literally going where the wind takes him and winds up helping people along the way. They utilized Amy the same way, having being around Sonic be her motivation and using it to get her into situations where her personality, drive, and spirit can shine- helping people along the way. It definitely wasnt perfect and it wouldve been nice if they gave her more agency but she wasnt without her bright moments ie. Sonic 06, Sonic Riders. They answered this through Sonic Boom, giving her a calmer, more of an exasperated boy-wrangler role. Which, wasnt that bad to have I think, especially in the tv series. It felt refreshing to have her be more important- and it was completely ok because Sonic Boom was an AU. A different world with different versions of our characters that let people explore other aspects to these complicated personas. It was a lot of fun. The main complaint that I've seen echoed was the fear they would be rid of Amy's infatuation with Sonic, her core motivation for over 20 years- and it would then be replaced with this interesting "girlboss" personality that was blasting through Hollywood at the time.

In truth, there's nothing wrong with the "girlboss" character trope, and there is also nothing wrong with the "boy-crazy" character trope. The main issue here is that Hollywood, the entertainment powerhouse that unfortunately steamrolls through diverse pop culture and transforms other things into itself, has a problem with writing women, girls, and feminine-presenting characters as entirely one-note. Every character will be "girlboss" only, or every character will be "boy-crazy", or every character will be "Well that just happened", etc. Almost never multifaceted or unique in ways that their counterparts have the opportunity to be. That isn't to say no one else falls into these same tropes, or that there isnt such thing as a nuanced female character- just that there tends to be a trend in Blockbuster movies and how the audience deciphers (or refuses to decipher) characters aka. media literacy.

And I think we, in some way, may be afraid that Amy's character will switch from one "one-note" to another "one-note", and fans of the previous status quo will be sidelined. And maybe that will happen. I loved Sonic Frontiers because it told me that Sonic Team wanted to lean into her belief in love and fate, trying to create a new motivation for her that doesnt sacrifice her established characterization. They seem to want to explore a motivation for the motivation she had for years, and I'm here for it. I have no confidence in Sonic Movie 4's characterization of Amy and do not expect them to do something great. If they do I will be happy and go on with my day, but the movie industry in the United States revolves around one thing, and if fans are happy while they pursue that one thing, that's fantastic. But I will not be surprised if she is written in a way that follows whatever trope is popular at the time of release. Does that mean there won't be a Year of Amy in 2027? Nah, they might do it- but what kind of Amy is up in the air.

[robertldaltoniii]

there is not much to do but write about the foreseeable future it appears that since the 2000's the digital divide as its called has gotten larger and taxation and loophole avoidance has become even more common i say tax the revenue i say as soon as it comes in tax it then give them the rest so that no loophole or reinvestment scheme will be started do this on a global level this will need cooperation and communication this will be the only way forward if there is going to be a future of ubi, safety net, they will want to take more of it with data and the monetization of data the only way to get in the middle is start at the revenue this is i say the only way there is no other i have thought of this a great deal another thing that seems so strange to me is that the work here for a clerk or certain orginzations use this assesments and questioniers i find this dehumanizing the people are not numbers in times before you submitted a resume and someone either saw you or didnt they interviewed you, this was the assesment now its left to a computer to determine if you should even get an interview i can only fear what the future generations will have to go through if this is not legislated out more data more narrowing these tests can miss important qualities traits you can really only see in person we have thrown it all to the computer the rent $ they have found the algo the data i say to extort the people and make as much money as they can companies that use such technology and the algo will only get better technology should not be a tool for the elite to make more money of the poor or working class i say but only one exception the LLM a free LLM is beutiful thing i fear that companies will take advantage of users data in the case of ISP's selling data as well in our society like this our capitalism these companies will most likely be the things that keep things going we will need to have a real-time government tracking of jobs, types of jobs, and congress must be made a new they are slow and inefficient i say we are in space we must not keep referencing the old there is new here this age mirrors the industrial revolution and they did not sit back during that time you must also build throwing in the competition where there is none these affordable housing units concrete prefab this is the new war wage disparity and the divide will only get larger it will cost 100B it is needed rentable affordable units $500 the sun is there the big energy use it invest the times must shift or we will not be prepared we must sustain i feel we are in the last stages of capitalism trading will soon be automated our infrastructure hacked it is time we think of a new we can not play slow congress any longer it is a human issue i had made a great poster this morning one of the greatest i feel something that gets you inside to the heart against fat it reads: "YOUR REALITY ENDS UP CEASING, IN THE END SO LETS DO SOMETHING GOOD" it is an aim at altruism, top spur a slight existentialism at first but then not to leave you wondering what to do and so the lines read "to do something good" in regards to congress either people do not geniunly know this process is slow or they just dont care so i say we must get them to care this attempt to get people to remember the governemnt is for the people to step in when corperations abuse the people this is the way i look to the days the weeks and even months we must not play house we must really strive to rid greed we have no time for secrets of drugs or hookers we must build the people will tell you what they need i do not like to see the country hurting you look for it and you will find it i fear that we will have to rethink the whole set up without an accurate real time data of works or education we will spend time in sectors that change faster than aquiring the education

[stekken]

Hmmm, I mean, yeah, I was abandoning the Star Trek context and thinking about if replicators were real in our world's future, but if our future went down a similar path to Star Trek and capitalism ended, it wouldn't be because of replicators. They wouldn't "replace capitalism"; you CAN sell things to people who can just make them appear out of thin air. We do it all the time. A replicator would give physical matter most of the attributes of digital information: permanent online storage and easy reproducibility. Therefore (if they were invented before capitalism ended), artificial scarcity would be enforced on them like it is on digital media, with some tweaks and unique emergent behavior. Why do people pay for TV shows and video games today? Faith in capitalism and in the right of the proprietor to their money, fear of being caught pirating, not knowing how easy pirating is, fear of malware from pirating (both justified and manufactured), they think it's easier, etc etc etc. And then there's monetizing by way of adverts, and the value of selling your users' info, and the value of having customers reliably give your app or software attention three times a day, which can be turned to your advantage in all sorts of ways. Some industries would fight the replicator and die, but investors would be ALL OVER IT. People would jump ship from the industries being made obsolete because the writing would be on the wall, and billions of dollars across the globe would be thrown into figuring out how to use this thing to maximize profit. Every roadblock would be met with an army of engineers, starry-eyed stock holders, government funding, and ambitious startups. There'd be even more enthusiasm than there's been for LLMs and image generation, only it wouldn't be misplaced.

As for this problem of storage being solved by small reusable files that make food unsatisfying and homogeneous, I just don't think that's right. I was writing up something about how the uncompressed scans wouldn't actually have very much relevant information in them, but that's not really the point. The point isn't that this or that argument against good tasting replicator food is wrong, but the fact that these arguments keep popping up like weeds. I think sentimentality toward cooking is leading us to invent ways for the replicator to fail, to exhaust our imagination condemning its ability to prepare meals like humans can. Like, let's say you're right, and smart algorithm-driven psychogustatory compression to cut file size down to a fraction just isn't possible (mp3s can get a 10 to 1 ratio before most people notice a difference). Our sense of taste is just too different from sight and hearing so compression isn't viable here. The replicator (or its cousin) is still used to copy entire humans so exactly that they don't lose their train of thought going in one end and out the other. The human brain has staggering amounts of complexity compared to anything else in the universe (or, since this is Star Trek, anything except other brains). Certainly more complexity, more relevant info to keep track of than a chicken dinner.

But let's put that aside too! Maybe the complexity of any two things becomes equal once you zoom in far enough and have to take every little interrelationship into account, and the difference in complexity only appears when you zoom out far enough to regard the thing as a whole instead of the series of atoms or collection of energy that a replicator would see it as. Or maybe human scans are so large, they only store one at a time, then get rid of it to make room for the next scan, and that's with top of the line machinery that can't be spared for someone's chicken dinner. Ok, but this isn't as significant as it seems: if the file tracks every particle, complexity is mostly a function of mass (that and energy differences between particles, which at scale would be more or less proportional to mass I think). A human's mass is enough for a good number of meals, and that's before you start getting smart. Here's how you can get smart: a side of asparagus is created from a scan of ONE asparagus. Tiny file size comparatively. Sauces, dressing, etc? A scan of a representative sample of the sauce, which would be a speck if it's an even solution. Seasonings? That's nothing. Save one of each grain/particle in the mix and use metadata for the ratios between them. Same for beverages—save a few molecules and you have all the info you need. In this scenario, replicator food would heavily favor separate morsels with dips. It would be different, but it wouldn't taste worse. And that's just for the storage space of a single human body scan. For a whole ship's crew, the cost-to-benefit ratio of extending your storage seems like a no-brainer, especially with how cheap computer memory has gotten in the last few decades.

But this doesn't pass the variety test! you say. And that's because we're all holding replicator food to a standard we aren't holding cooked food to. It seems obvious to me that replicators would greatly increase the variety available to 99 percent of people who use them. Unless you can afford to travel across the world just to have dinner where the microorganisms in the water make the sourdough ~just right~ for your pizza crust, your only option besides happening to live there already is using a replicator. All the regional variety in the world at your fingertips from the comfort of your own home! (Assuming we don't invent obstacles just to make that impossible.) Lots of the complaints in this reblog chain apply just as much if not moreso to fresh food. Can't get your food to taste just like it does at your favorite restaurant? That's a problem in the real world to, except it's harder, more costly, and takes longer to do it yourself. And if people aren't pointing out issues that fresh food has too, they're inventing new ways for replicators to fail. "They'd edit all the fat out." Well, no, maybe they'd gain the ability to do that, and then some people would opt for it—good for them! Most people wouldn't. Why are we inventing problems? I don't think it's just curiosity/imagination fueling this, or people wouldn't be satisfied with the arguments in this reblog chain, because most of these problems are just silly. Really, it's because we don't want people to have access to all the world's regional variety without leaving their flat. The idea of hitting an express key on your magic microwave and getting a five star Michelin meal or a McDonald's happy meal or your grandma's pumpkin pie as it pleases you seems to offend people. I think what people are actually doing, when they wax poetic about buying a tamale that tastes like home and then invent a replicator tamale that tastes like homesickness, is saying that this new technology would disenchant the world.

I don't believe that. I think these arguments sidestep reason and actually win people over with sentimentality. This doesn't satisfy me because I don't care what I'm sentimental about here, I care about what the future generations in this imaginative world will be sentimental about. And they'll be sentimental about the replicator food! These imagined people would never invent these hundred-and-one reasons for replicator food to be inferior unless they fell down some "RETVRN! REJECT MODERNITY!" rabbithole. Replicator food will be the subject of their nostalgia, at least for the average person. They wouldn't see it as a pity if they never got to try freshly cooked food, they know it's the same.

And if we were to imagine, say, the year 30XX, where everyone needs to upload their minds to the machine aboard a nomadic space station or else be destroyed by some bioweapon, everyone will be upset about replicator food being replaced with VR food simulations. I just think our imaginations get way more interesting when we stop trying to sabotage the imagined new technology on the basis of this-makes-us-human-because-that's-how-it's-always-been.

As a side note… I am really annoyed by one thing about Star Trek.

“Replicated food is not as good as real food.”

That’s ridiculous.  In Star Trek, replicator technology is part of the same tech tree as transporters.  Replicated food would be identical to the food it was based on, down to the subatomic level. 

[carolinemillerbooks]

New Post has been published on Books by Caroline Miller

New Post has been published on https://www.booksbycarolinemiller.com/musings/a-paeen-to-humility/

A Paeen To Humility

If life feels frustrating, there’s a reason. Frustration is a condition throughout the universe.  Even electrons are vulnerable. Because an imbalance exists between the places for them in one layer of the quantum soup and another, each time the layers interact, the quantum particles must scramble for positions like players in a game of musical chairs.  Though existence is hard for electrons, scientists suspect they can use that frustration to increase reliability when encoding digital information. In politics, frustration is a boon for antacid manufacturers. Each new poll in our divided nation sends many to the drugstore. Current tallies for the 2024 election show Donald Trump leads Joe Biden by a few percentage points, a difference that keeps Democrats awake at night worried about the return of a failed president whose agenda is political revenge.    Logic suggests the polls are wrong.  In 2020, Joe Biden defeated Trump by 7 million votes. Is it reasonable to suppose that 4 years later, these 7 million find Trump’s 91 felony charges an asset?  Should we suppose that women, even in red states like Kansas, Kentucky, Michigan, and Ohio, who have voted to enshrine abortion rights into their state constitutions will find Trump’s call for a national ban irresistible? People are more complex than the polls can reflect, it would seem.   This morning, a  friend in California surprised me with a phone call. We haven’t met for several years but we’ve stayed in touch with birthday cards and holiday messages. He opened our conversation with a few lines from my memoir,  Getting Lost to Find Home.  His speech sounded urgent, as he feared I’d missed the importance of what I’d written. Afterward, he thanked me for reminding him that friendships needed nurturing, and he resolved to do better with ours. The sweetness of his remark stuck in my throat like a  lump of hard candy. I doubted my friend could have foreseen the feeling of communion that rose within me or fathom the compliment he’d paid me by reading my words with feeling.  When our conversation ended, I returned to the blog I was writing, compulsively, the way a crow returns to a crust of bread at the side of the road once traffic has subsided.  My thoughts returned to an interview with David Brooks I’d just read. (“Q&A,” AARP  Bulletin, Nov. 23, pgs. 40-41.)    Brooks is a columnist whose political views are more conservative than mine. Many times, I’ve crushed his commentaries from my easy chair, though he never knew it.  Even so, over the years, he seemed to have mellowed, and I am gratified that in his interview, he confirmed my assessment.  I’ve learned to be more relational and humbler, he confesses. Time’s passing has a way of changing perspective.  For example, I have rid myself of the notion that humans rule the planet.  As a species, we are no more in control of the ground beneath our feet than were David Thoreau’s warring red and black ants in Walden Pond.   China’s Xi Jinping and Russia’s Vladimir Putin may imagine otherwise and hope to find a place for themselves in the pantheon of great leaders. More likely the pain and distrust they sow will grow like graveyard weeds to one day blot out their memory. Jews and Palestineans are at war again, the historical residue of tyrants and old men bent in prayer who exhort their followers to slaughter non-believers.  Do these disparate sides not see the absurdity of that call? No other mammalian slaughters its own in greater numbers than our species. That isn’t Nature’s way.  It is human vainglory. With both sides drenched in the blood of their enemy, the time has come for all to see no triumph lies in war. A dead child pulled from the rubble of a bombed building is the universal source of human tears.     We can do better.  Let there be no more learned hate. Frustration may exist in the universe, but we can choose our response.  We either yield to it or build a wall of defiance.  If we choose the latter, let imagination be the bricks of our fortress and communion its mortar. When we fill the cracks between oblivion in service to one another, we give our frail and inauspicious species primacy and establish compassion as human law throughout a deaf, dumb, and blind cosmos.        

[littlesniggy]

Hiii!!!! i can't understand it but i like ichiji so much kwfjwjfjd help. There's just something so attractive about him🥺....... anyway, i'm happy whenever i find something about him that you wrote, you write so gooooooood, i really love it!!

so i want to ask a scenario where he is "jealous" (i don't really think i can feel jealous, but maybe he likes marking territory? something like "yeah my s/o is perfect look at her but don't touch what's mine"), so... a nsfw scenario where he is "jealous" about something his brothers did with his fem s/o, maybe they were trying to flirt with her in front of him, and then ichiji wanted to make it clear to her and everyone who she belongs to

whatever you think fits best i'm sure i'll love it💕

thank you and have a amazing week💕

Hey Anon! Thank you so much for requesting! Sorry it took me so long to write this but I was quite busy with work. As you said yourself, Ichiji probably doesn't get jealous but he can be quite possessive. So, here it is! I hope you enjoy it!!

Warning: 18+, nsfw, dirty talk, slight degradation, overstimulation

Pairing: Ichiji x female reader

Word count: 2.5k

“And he really thought he could beg his way out of this!” Niji laughed, his deep voice echoing from the cold walls. His two brothers joined in, mocking laughter that showed no sympathy for their victims. “And did you see this woman? Trying to negotiate her way into becoming one of our servants. Who did she think we were? Some kind of charity?” Yonji mocked, wallowing in the thought that he was the one ending her miserable life.

Ichiji was simply sitting there, a cocky smirk on his lips, arms crossed in front of his muscular chest. He enjoyed this mission no less than his siblings but he was a little disappointed that you haven’t been here to greet him. Where were you anyway? He didn’t want to show it but he was annoyed that you weren’t by his side.

“By the way, Ichiji, where is Y/n? Thought she would already be waiting here for us to come back.” Yonji chuckled, his eyes looking around in hopes of finding her.

“For me.” Ichiji corrected him.

“Huh?” Yonji raised an eyebrow, not quite understanding what he was getting at.

“She should’ve been waiting for me. Why would she be waiting for the likes of you?” his overly confident voice made it clear he thought he was better than his brothers, not even imagining that you could possibly find either one of them attractive.

“So we can have a look at her, too? Stop hogging her like you own her.” Niji agreed with his younger brother. Ichiji huffed, finding it amusing how Niji really thought he needed to hog

you. He didn’t even bother considering to answer and he didn’t even need to; he felt your presence way before you even turned the corner, his grin widening even more.

“Y/n!” Yonji greeted you. Ichiji could practically see his eyes popping out at the sight of you. You smiled at him politely but didn’t pay much attention to him. Ichiji’s ego grew with every step you took and with every look you didn’t give them. They were nothing more than thin air to you.

“Finally. Where have you been? You know I don’t like to be kept waiting” The oldest Vinsmoke brother scolded you and pulled you onto his lap the second you stood in front of him. Surprised, you let out a yelp but didn’t complain, giving him a long and deep kiss, hearing the whistling from his two brothers.

“Where is my kiss?” Yonji joked yet his eyes told Ichiji that his brother wouldn’t mind it if you actually sat down on his lap and did so. His arm around your waist pulled you even closer to him, a challenging grin on his lips. “Don’t get too cocky, Yonji. She would never stoop so low to even touch either of you, let alone kiss.” The green-haired male scowled at his older brother, not too pleased with his answer.

Niji chuckled next to him, shaking his head. “I think that’s for Y/n to decide, isn’t it?” he opposed, his eyes wandering over your sitting form. Ichiji didn’t like the way Niji talked to you. Who did he think he was? Who did both of them think they are? The oldest brother looked at you, the cocky grin slightly warning when he started talking to you. “Do you want to let yourself get fucked by them, Y/n?” he asked straight forward. You felt a little overwhelmed by this sudden change in atmosphere around you and Ichiji’s grin didn’t make it any better.

“O-of course not.” You stated, feeling slightly uncomfortable now being the center of attention. “Bet she would answer differently if you weren’t here….” Yonji’s voice had dropped an octave, making you shiver. What was going on here? You felt Ichiji’s body tense up a little, knowing full well he wasn’t pleased by his brother’s comment. “S-should I leave?” you asked uncertain, trying to search some other emotion in Ichiji’s face other than disgust towards his two younger brothers.

“No. On the contrary. I think they were actually just about to leave…” his voice didn’t leave any room to argue, even Niji and Yonji realized that their brother wasn’t joking. Niji, the slightly more reasonable one, stood up first, shaking his head in slight disbelief. “Calm your panties, Ichiji. One could think you’re actually jealous.” Niji grinned at his brother. Ichiji didn’t respond, he simply watched how Niji stuffed his hands in his pockets before stalking away, calling for Yonji to follow him. “If you want to spice things up for a change, you know where to find me, Y/n.” you heard Yonji call out before both of them left the room, leaving only the two of you.

There was silence for a while, making you feel more and more anxious. His grip around your waist never wavered, his nails digging into your sides almost painfully.

“Ichiji, I-“ you started but he wouldn’t let you finish your sentence. You weren’t even sure to begin with what you wanted to say. You just wanted to say something.

“Take your clothes off.” Ichiji’s cold voice cut through the air like knife, a fearful yet pleasant shiver running down your spine. His arm left your waist, leaving you room to get off his lap. Slightly awkward, you got off and stood in front of him, feeling his eyes from behind his glasses on you.

Your hands went up, brushing against your chest when you started unbuttoning your blouse, trying to be sexy and seductive. With each button your opened you revealed more and more of your delicate skin, your fingers caressing your cleavage when the blouse was half open.

“I said to take your damn clothes off, Y/n. Don’t make me repeat myself again.” His reaction confused you. Normally, he enjoyed it when you played around a little, seducing him with the skin you revealed but today seemed to be different. His brothers must’ve somehow gotten to him. Maybe he was simply horny? You didn’t know but you didn’t want to stress his patience not more than necessary.

Pleased, he watched you get rid of your clothes, leaving you in nothing more than the suit you were born with. Then, there was silence once again. The room was cold, getting cooler by the second, the more he didn’t move or give you any more orders. You pulled your arms around your body, small goosebumps being visible on your skin.

“Who told you to cover yourself? Are you ashamed to stand in front of me all naked like this? Would you rather Niji or Yonji or maybe both be here and see you like this?” he got up from his seat, stepping forward to stand in front of you, his body heat radiating from him, drawing your own body towards his. You wanted to press your body against his, to feel his muscles against your skin but you restrained yourself.

“No.” you answered, looking up at him from under your eyelashes. The grin was still on his face but it was cold and calculating. “No….that’s what I thought. Bet you fantasize about them fucking every hole you’ve got until you’re nothing more than a moaning, sweating mess, begging to be the cum dumpster for them. Isn’t that right, Y/n?” his words made your heart ponder in your chest and your sex become wet. You rubbed your thighs against each other unconsciously, licking your lips at the thought.

You weren’t actually interested in either of them but the way he said it, with the way he was observing you – you couldn’t help but feel aroused.

“Liar.” He purred. Ichiji lifted his hand underneath your chin, making you look directly at him. “Do you think they can satisfy you the way I can?” he purred, his thump brushing against your bottom lip.

Your tongue darted out to wet your lips, licking over his thumb in the process. “No.” you voice sounded raspy, your chest moving faster the more he stared at you, making you feel oh so vulnerable. “Of course not.” He said, shoving his digit past your lips before moving it in and out of your mouth.

“Who is the only one that can turn you into your true self, the needy whore you know deep down you really are?” He withdrew his thumb, giving you the room to answer his question. A quiet moan left your lips, your thighs pressing together. You felt how your juice slowly started running down your legs, being smeared all over your skin by rubbing your thighs together. “You are…” you whispered.

“That’s right…” he growled before pushing you back, you stumbled against the table but couldn’t react fast enough; he was already pushing your upper body down onto the surface, the cool wood scratching against your back. Ichiji spread your legs to reveal your dripping core to him. A pleased grin spread across his lips when he took off his gloves and brush his digits against your sex.

Another moan, this time louder, erupted from your body at the touch and your arched your back, lifting your legs up to place your feet onto the surface. “Whore…” he commented and pushed two digits past your folds; wet sounds could be heard when he started moving them in and out of your body, his second hand resting on your knee, pushing your legs further apart.

You felt heat rise up in your body, being so exposed, so spread open to his eyes and touch. Even if you wanted to deny how needy you were you simply couldn’t; the wet sounds your cunt was making was betrayal enough.

Ichiji added a third finger, curling them upwards, changing the angle this way and making you arch your back once more, throwing your head back in pleasure.

“Whose whore are you?” you heard his raspy voice but couldn’t quite comprehend his words. He pulled his fingers out, leaving you empty and wanton, with no friction to satisfy your needs. “Whose whore are you?” he insisted, his hand that was buried inside your cunt just moments ago came up to your other knee, spreading them even further apart; your whole body on full display for him to see.

“Yours…” you panted, moving your hips up and down, shamelessly begging for his touch. Ichiji’s grin grew even wider at your response, cockiness and confidence dripping down from his lips. “That’s right….and whose cock do you want?” he leaned forward, pressing his clothed bulge against your arching core, moving against your wet entrance.

“Ichiji….please!” you panted at the friction, moving against him in a desperate attempt to get what you want.

“Whose. Cock. Do. You. Want?” he emphasized each word with a thrust, his whole body seeming like a blanket that was covering you.

“Fuck! Yours, Ichiji! Yours! Now please….! Please fuck me already!” you pleaded, voice almost a whine.

“Just because you begged so nicely.” He growled. You felt his hands leave your knees, taking off some of the strain that had been building up in your groin area. You panted when you felt his hands between your bodies, his knuckles brushing against your sex again while he opened his pants, taking out his hard dick, a silent sigh escaping his lips at the gained freedom.

Instinctively, you inched closer to the desired body part, feeling how the tip of his dick already pressed against your entrance. “I’ll make sure you never even think about another man’s dick.” He growled before his hips snapped forward, burying himself deep inside of you in one smooth go, your natural juice being the perfect lubrication.

You moaned out loud, wanting to wrap your legs around his waist but his hands were faster, pushing your legs apart once again, his warm palms pressing against your knees. “Leave them open.” He demanded but not leaving room to argue anyway. He was in his element when he started fucking you with a rough and fast pace, the loud sound of skin on skin echoing through the otherwise empty room.

“Goooood-!” you moaned, eyes shut tightly, concentrating on the intense feeling he was giving you. “I love your dick!” you panted, moving against his hard thrusts ever so slightly, wanting to feel him even deeper. Ichiji watched your messy form underneath him, satisfied with you becoming undone like this. But he never doubted himself in the first place.

“Of course, you do.” He panted, the cockiness never leaving his voice though as he picked up the pace, ramming his dick into you like a madman – and you loved all of it!

“Ichiji!” you moaned, voice becoming louder, no shame about who might hear you outside this room. Ichiji himself was quiet but he felt pride at your moans, being completely aware of his two younger brothers standing not to far away from the closed door, listening to your lustful moans and probably jerking off to it – and they couldn’t have you which was the best part, really.

The more he hammered into you, the more you felt your climax build up inside your lower stomach, your insides feeling as if they were on fire, intensifying the feeling of his dick rubbing against your inner walls with each thrust. “Gonna….gonna…..gonna cum….!” You panted, not being able to form coherent sentences anymore. “Already?” he chuckled, halting suddenly in his movement.

Confused, sweaty, and desperately you looked at him, heaving from the fast pace he was fucking you with. “Don’t stop….I’m so….I’m so close!” you pleaded, shuffling underneath him. But Ichiji didn’t move. Instead, he just looked at you, standing completely still, his dick still buried deep inside of you. Restlessly, you tried to move against his dick but he wouldn’t let you, holding you in placed.

Your walls clenched around him, trying to suck him in but failing miserably. “Ichiji….” You whined, your form a panting mess. You tried to concentrate on his dick that was filling you out in just the right way; just one inch deeper and he would press against your g-spot! Why was he doing this to you?

The more you thought about how good his dick felt inside of you, the more you felt your climax build up inside your lower belly again, moaning in desperation and pleasure alike. Ichiji watched with fascination how you seemingly still got closer and closer to your orgasm, just with him being inside of you!

“You love my dick so much that you cum just by it being inside of you?” he teased, his words finally pushing you over the edge. “Ichiji!” you almost screamed when your walls tightened around him. This was his cue; he started thrusting into you again, fucking you through your orgasm like there was no tomorrow.

“Ichiji…!” you panted, feeling how his ministration turned your whole body into one sensitive nerve that was about to rip apart. “I’m not gonna stop!” he chuckled, pressing himself deep inside your dripping cunt. “I’ve told you before that I will make sure that you’ll never think about another man’s dick ever again…”

[sirthisisa-wendys]

Final Hours pt. 2: The Illusion

synopsis: Living life at the House of the Children of the Star is supposed to be safe and comforting. So why can’t you shake this feeling that you’re not even close to being safe? 

word count: 1808

tw: rough sex, breeding, curse words, nsfw

a/n: I absolutely lied. I’m not done writing for Geto. I’ve got about ten years of silence and material I can work off of. Well, that implies... that I don’t hop on the Naoya train. 

You turn your head at the sound of water splashing in the bathtub, listening to a babbling Renji and Suguru playing around in the bubble-water. It was undoubtedly adorable seeing the soft side Renji pulled out of the curse user these days, especially now that he was wanted and - in an effort to protect what he had built - ruthless. 

But even his lack of tenderness with those outside of his small circle (you, Renji, Mimiko, and Nanako) had a purpose. This purpose would be re-explained to you every so often, whispered to Renji when he was asleep, and seared into the brains of those who followed him. You saw the countless evenings he spent thinking, in meetings, consuming curses… You originally thought it would wear him down faster than Jujutsu Tech had, but he only seemed to grow more powerful with every passing day. 

“All done,” Suguru announces, producing a towel-wrapped Renji with a wide smile. “Now we can get you settled in for bed.” Fatherhood is good for him, you think before smiling back and holding your arms out for the giggling child. Mimiko and Nanako could be heard playing around in the hallways, no doubt testing each other’s patience with a game of tag. But you don’t mind. Nothing really bothers you anymore. At least, that’s the way you wished it were. 

When you place Renji down in the crib littered with beautiful blankets and stuffed animals, the nagging feeling returns. This is all an illusion, something whispers to you, but you push the feeling away. You've gotten better at doing that lately: ignoring the sinking feeling in your gut at dinner or the tiny twinge of fear you felt at night when everyone was asleep. After you tuck Renji in, you turn to Suguru, who waited patiently for you to join him in your shared bedroom. 

When he swipes a hand over your shoulder and presses his thumbs into your upper back, you relax into his touch, allowing him to strip you of the tension in your body. “It’s perfect…” he whispers behind you, and you desperately want to agree; you really do. But you keep your mouth shut, knowing that any argument would be lost the moment he set his lips to your skin or smoothed his hands over your hips. “I love it here.” 

“I know,” you answer softly, and his hands still on your back. 

“Do you… like it?” The hurt in his voice is evident. 

“I love it,” you lie easily, trying to convince yourself that you do love it here; the children are safe, you’re safe, and no one would dare cross Suguru to get to either you or the children. 

Except Satoru and Shoko. The remembrance of the two sorcerers puts you on edge again, and a shudder passes through you. You don’t even step foot out of the House for fear of them finding you and taking a sledgehammer to what Suguru carefully crafted as a safe haven. 

“And I love you,” Suguru whispers, bringing you back to the present. “Mother of my children, tune to my song, blood in my veins…” 

“You’re only waxing poetic because you want something from me.” The observation earns a low chuckle from him, and he smooths his fingers over your hips, making them jerk forward a little. “Just say it.” 

“I want another child with you,” he murmurs, fingers splayed across your belly. “I want to have a family full of sorcerer--” 

“Will this family get rid of all the non-sorcerers in the world?” The thought that any child of yours would have the capacity - of be forced - to murder makes you sick to your stomach. “Is that why you want so many children?” You’re not sure what caused you to snap, but it’s obviously caught Suguru off guard. 

“Watch your mouth.” The command is emphasized by one of his hands grabbing your chin from behind. “Do you think I won’t have completed my goal before we grow our family? I have enough power to do this without their help. Our children won’t have to lift a single finger,” he hisses into your ear, taking care to lower his voice so as to not disturb Renji. 

“You really see me as some sort of breeding cow, don’t you?” Suguru lets go of your chin and shuts the door to your room, and you prepare for an argument. But instead of turning to you and pointing a finger before beginning to raise his voice, he grabs your chin again, and walks you back against the wall. You stare him down, not one to back down from a fight. But he doesn’t say a word when he presses his lips against yours, roughly pushing a hand under your shirt and grabbing a breast. 

“You think I see you as a cow, hmm?” You exhale shakily, daring to jut your chin out a little in defiance. You knew this game: he would soften you up with a show of dominance, tease out your submissive side, and you’d crumble into his arms and give him just what he wanted. But tonight, you won’t go down without a fight. 

Yes, of course you want to give in. You want him to touch you and drive you senseless, but not at the cost of bodily autonomy. 

“Yeah,” you answer confidently, feeling his fingers slip down your stomach. 

“You’d be sorely mistaken, then.” His lips press against your cheek and heat pools between your legs. Fuck. You curse yourself mentally, angry your body was reacting exactly how you knew it would. “I worship you, kitten. Shit, your body is a mere fraction of what I see when I look at you.” The admission makes you look into his eyes, but you see no trickery there. His grip on your chin slackens, and that same hand falls to your waist as he trails his lips down your neck, pausing to suck on the tender flesh. “You’re more than just a mother, y/n… You know that,” he murmurs against your shoulder, and you shiver under his touch.

Suguru hoists you up easily and takes you to the bed, pinning you underneath him as he presses his lips against yours once more. “Do I have permission to make love to you?” The request is whispered against one of your wrists, and you shiver again as his lips press against that spot, too. Your throat dries up and you swallow hard, trying to form the words you want to say, and when his black eyes flick down to yours, his gaze is hard and unwavering like a stone. “Or should I fuck you like the cow you assume I see you as?” 

“Fuck me,” you blurt, and Suguru’s hands instantly duck beneath the hem of your long skirt, pushing it up around your waist. Without warning, he tears at your underwear - another pair gone - and pushes your knees back forcefully. 

It isn’t long before you see his pants drop over the side of the bed and feel his fingers probe angrily at your entrance. “You want me to fuck you?” he asks breathily, extending one of your legs back sharply. The question is rhetorical; he’s obviously going to fuck you regardless. You nod anyways, and he presses into you. The pain is sharp and undeniable, but as you open your mouth to cry out, Suguru pushes a hand against it. “Shut the fuck up.” You feel the urge to struggle as he moves inside of you as you’re not wet enough. But he stops mid-stroke and lubricates himself with a trail of spit before working himself back into you. “That’s a good girl… lay there and take it.” 

You whimper around his hand, but he doesn’t relent while he pushes into you with force. Suguru seems to be enjoying the view, but you aren’t allowed to lay on your back for much longer. When his cock slips free and his hand comes off of your mouth, there’s a moment where the air rushes into you, but that’s quickly overshadowed by Suguru moving you sideways across the bed, your head dangling off the edge precariously. 

“Open,” he commands, and you obediently open your mouth for him to insert his rock hard cock. You can’t take much upside-down, but Suguru definitely tries to shove his entire length down your throat. When you reach your limit, you slap a hand against his thigh, trying to push him off, but he grunts and removes your fingers easily. “I haven’t even gotten started yet.” He places his large hands on your tits as an anchor before moving back and forth and fucking your face. 

You don’t know how to cope. While he invades your mouth, the sorcerer above you takes your ankle and stretches your other leg back, placing your big toe in his mouth. His tongue wraps around the digit with ease before he moves to the other toes, sucking on them without a care in the world. You want to yell, scream at him that it’s all too much, but you can’t. Not with his cock stuffed in your mouth. And when his other hand comes off of your breast to play with your cunt, you’re done for. 

You practically lose yourself as all of the sensations come to a head, damn near evaporating into the air. When it’s over, though, his mouth lifts off of your foot, his cock slides out of your mouth, and his fingers leave you. You pant eagerly, wanting more, but he moves to the other side of the bed, pressing a knee against the mattress and pulling you to the other side. 

When he enters you again, you claw at his back, still sensitive from your orgasm. “Su, my god!” 

“Hush,” he claps a hand over your mouth again, raising a brow at your exclamation while he ruts into you. “I won’t have you waking Renji. If you wake him…” He doesn’t need to finish the sentence. You know whatever it is won’t be good. 

Suguru continues to pump into you at an increasing speed, his face scrunching up like he’s about to cum. “Su, please…” you whine against his palm and that’s all it takes for him. 

“Fuck!” The exclamation is followed by a warm feeling in your pussy that flows out as he continues to move inside of you, not stopping for a second to catch his breath. Somehow, he still has the stamina to continue moving as he pushes cum out of you. Then he picks up his speed again, moaning louder than before and removing his hand from your mouth. You whimper, and he looks down at you instantly. “We’re not even close to finished, y/n. You want me to fuck you like a cow? That’s exactly what I’m about to fucking do.”

[oftenderweapons]

Mold Me New (6) — Taehyung

A Small Town Swoons Story

Pairing: Taehyung x reader (nicknamed Frog)

Wordcount: 3.7k

Genre: ceramic artist!Taehyung, divorced!reader, Strangers to Lovers, Fluff, sliht angst, Slice of Life

Rating: suggested 18+ for future smut

Hello to my readers!!! Welcome to the Small Town Swoons Universe!🥰✨

In this episode: Frog and Taehyung are gettin closer and closer. As they both face their most vulnerable moments since they met, finding comfort in each other's arms.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: kissing, mild swearing, allusions to smut. Taehyung suffers from tendinitis in his hands after he worked too much. Frog talks about the end of her marriage and her approach to attraction, mentioning that she could be demisexual. About this specific point, the discussion is very short and doesn't focus on details, but THAT doesn't absolutely mean that demisexuality isn't a large and delicate topic that should be disucssed in depth, it only means that the character is growing in that direction and that she'll eventually educate herself more about that topic.

Once more I'm thanking Rid (aka @taegularities). We're in this soft sh!t together 🤍

In case you like my writing, here is my directory for idol!AUs, scenarios and imagines. And in case you need it, here’s the Spotify music companion.

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7

Enjoy 💜✨

Entering the studio was mind blowing. It looked like a garden of statues.

Sitting on the floor was Taehyung, using his elbows and forearms to wedge a large body of clay.

“Tae?”

He looked at you standing in the doorway, smiling at you almost apologetically while you were entirely shocked.

“Why are you wedging with your elbows?”

“Tendinitis.” He still smiled like his fingers and palm didn’t feel shredded by thorns.

“For god’s sake, Tae!” You made your way to him, feeling like a cat trying to slalom through an endless field of obstacles. “Baby,” you murmured, crouching down next to him, tutting and fussing once you spotted how messed up he was.

He had clay in his hair, on his face, all over his apron. “Babe.”

“I wanted to create.”

You held his face in your hands, kissing his forehead over and over. “How long have you been here?”

“What time is it?”

“It’s five o’clock. Like all of our lessons,” you reminded him, wide eyed, shaking your head.

“I’ve been here since four.”

You closed your eyes and exhaled. “Tell me you mean four in the afternoon.”

He smiled sheepishly. “Yeah. Of yesterday.”

Your face contorted in disappointment. “Get out of here!” You helped him up, clicking your tongue once you noticed he was barely able to hold himself up on his knees.

“I just stayed in the same position for too long,” he whined at your stern look.

“This cannot do, Taehyung,” you scolded him, before blocking his face, which was aiming at the crook of your neck. “No cuddles. We need to clean you up first.”

He pouted as you got rid of his apron quickly. “How aren’t you tired? Look at the floor! How can you even move in here, Taehyung!”

“Don’t call me by my full name, it scares me,” he objected, puppy eyed. “And your lesson?”

“We’re postponing that. Have you eaten at least?” You stared at the floor as you led him to the large sink.

He followed you as your hands held his hips. He liked how you touched him, and he loved how comfortable you looked doing so. Once he stood in front of the sink, you grabbed some soap and foamed it up, holding his hands and running them under the water, covering them in bubbles and getting a small groan out of him. “This will teach you a lesson,” you mumbled, intertwining your fingers with his and rubbing them together. “Does it hurt?”

He shook his head before leaning his head against your shoulder while you stood behind him. “It feels better with you.”

You couldn’t hold yourself back from placing a gentle kiss at the corner of his mouth. “Let’s clean up your pretty face.”

Still, he tried to deepen the kiss, chasing you, hoping you’d let it slide. “You think I’m pretty?”

“You’re not just pretty. You’re scandalously good looking. You’re disgustingly perfect.”

He smiled and tried to turn. He wanted to plant his face against your chest and feel your digits massaging his scalp. He also wanted to feel you naked against his skin, but that was far from any sexual motive: he simply wanted warmth, closeness, affection. He wanted softness and intimacy. “Can we cuddle now?”

“You still have half a kilo of clay on your arms,” you replied as you took it off with gentle strokes of your palms, adding more soap to make sure no dirt was left.

“Can we cuddle after that?”

You nodded, nuzzling your nose into his hair. “We can do anything you want.”

He lowered his face to the faucet and cleaned it up, washing away the smear of dried up clay on his cheek.

“You should shower, darling,” you said, grabbing a paper towel and dabbing it against his wet face. “Or we could wash your hair.”

“Are you staying over?” He looked so hopeful, so entirely enamoured. You could barely resist him.

“I stayed over last week. I’d feel a bit out of place,” you replied shyly, trying not to feel conflicted. On one side, you felt like you were taking advantage of him, on the other you longed to caress his hair and kiss his nape until he fell asleep at your side. You also wanted to wake up with his hair tickling your chest as he gave you tiny kisses all over your neck and throat, exploiting the warmth and softness of that special spot for a gentle wake up call.

At the beginning you had worried about staying over on that first night, after dinner and… and the couch thingie. You slightly feared the thought that sharing a bed somehow meant pressuring each other into a type of intimacy neither of you was ready for. And then, a week after that fatidic rendezvous, he had asked for you to stay the night and sleep — just sleep — together. He had been extremely clear about his intentions, declaring them after dinner as you were lounging on the sofa once more. You had watched a film, made out, calmed down, washed up and headed to bed, where he had clung to you until his breathing turned into a delicate huffing sound.

You had barely resisted tears once you noticed he tended to pucker his lips in his sleep, his cheeks becoming fluffier and rounder. He had an adorable baby face.

“What if I wanted you to stay, though?” Taehyung murmured, giving you a dubious look. As he noticed you hesitating, he added: “I mean, it’s okay if you don’t want to stay. It would be on the same terms as last time. I’m not pressuring you or anything I—”

Finally you gave up. Maybe his presence would help you. “Okay.”

He grinned, “I should shower then.”

“You want me to cook something as you wash up?”

His eyes got wide and glittery before he kissed your cheek. “Yes, please.”

“What should I make?”

“I like anything in the fridge. Do as you please,” he replied before you moved your head in confirmation.

Once in the house, you headed for the kitchen while he immediately hit the shower. He wanted to be away from you as little as possible. Most activities were painful, like grabbing bottles and massaging his scalp and basically anything that required him to grip and strain his hand muscles and tendons. At a certain point he entirely gave up on his hair, washing his body and getting out of the shower, drying up and wearing a pair of boxers and loose pyjama pants.

“Frog?” he called from the door.

“I made bruschetta! Bread, sliced cherry tomatoes, it’s in the oven,” you answered.

“Can you come here?”

You quickly lowered the oven temperature and reached him.

You inhaled brusquely once you noticed his lean, smooth torso naked, little droplets of water still glistening here and there. “Could you wash my hair? I can’t really use my fingers much.”

You nodded silently, inhaling as you took in his chest. He looked so beautiful, his chest lithe and well-built, his tummy holding a millimetric curve, flat but not muscled. You liked it a lot.

“Shall we?”

Silently you followed him, watching as he bent down over the sink and opened the tap to further wet his hair. You noticed the bottle of shampoo and squeezed a small amount on your palm, watering it down and beginning to energetically scrub his scalp. “This okay?”

Taehyung hummed in reply, turning his head to the side a little to offer you a better angle. “Very okay. Actually, fine. Ideal.”

You smiled.

It took you a bit more time than you thought, mostly because you were a bit distracted. “Are you sleepy, sweetheart?” you asked once you managed to finish, helping him stand up straight and drying his hair haphazardly with a towel.

“I’m so caffeinated I can barely think straight,” he murmured, purring once he noticed the way you were still looking at him. “Frog. Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

He cupped the back of your head before he leaned to your face, sucking your lower lip into his mouth and forcing you to unseal yours, his tongue sliding in sinuously, his other arm pinning you to him. “Like you really want me to do this.”

Once your back hit the wall, his warm body contrasting with the cold tiles against your spine, you realised you needed to slow down. “Tae. Dinner,” you reminded him.

“Sure,” he unglued you from the tiles. “Do you even want me to put a shirt on?”

You shook your head and smirked. “You sure are a smooth mess.” His eyelashes looked magical from this up close. After almost three months of knowing him, you still wondered how he could be so absolutely perfect, and so real.

“Is that a yes or a no?” He cocked an eyebrow, adding a mischievous grin on his face.

“It’s definitely a yes, you tease!”

After dinner you decided to go for your usual shenanigans and headed for the living room, finding yourself a little dumbstruck when you noticed a large sculpture on the coffee table, which had been moved out of the way and to a dry and cool place. The structure was as large as your upper half and, as you switched on the lights you recognised exactly what it was. The torso was still drying, as the colour showed, and for a second you asked yourself how it would ever dry. It would of course hold water in its core, causing the structure to fail and break. And then, it would never fit in his kiln.

“You like it?”

You turned towards Taehyung. “What material is it?”

“Modelling dough. It’s made for large structures. It dries in a couple hours.There are about ten layers latched on a metallic structure. It’s modelled after you.”

Your eyes widened. “Is that why your hands have been acting up?”

He looked away in a manner that told you that yes, that was the very reason.

“Do you have a balm or something?” you asked, trying to fix the mess he made.

He left the room and came back with a glass jar. “Arnica gel smells very bad but works fine.”

You took your place on the sofa, patting the spot at your side to invite him there. He joined you in a nanosecond, placing the jar on your lap. Methodically, entirely caught in your thoughts, you opened the lid, got some lotion on his palm and began rubbing the pressure points on his palm before turning to the back of it and tracing the tendons energetically.

His relieved groan echoed into the room before he let his head fall on the back of the sofa.

The massage went on for a bit, the motions so mechanical that your mind started to wander until you eventually said your thoughts out loud.

Having him to assist had calmed you down enough that you felt ready to reflect over your worries.

“Today is my wedding anniversary. Or it was.” You kept staring at your digits digging into his flesh. “I don’t really know how I should talk about it.”

Taehyung, though looking like a lazy feline, was actually paying close attention to your words. “How was it, being married?”

You shook your head. “At the beginning there was a lot of emotion and companionship. And then life carried us away from each other. Like two leaves scattered in different directions by the wind.” Your explanation was something that had become a truth to you: at the beginning you had tortured yourself with understanding why and how it had happened. And then you had accepted the blatant way of things: separation.

“Are you scared of it happening again? That companionship to separation process?”

You shrugged. “Not really. If people drift apart, then maybe it’s because they were meant to be together for a while before they could venture towards different destinations.”

Taehyung moved closer to your neck, to get impossibly nearer. If he could, he would have crawled underneath your skin, to inhabit you like a squirrel does a tree. He wanted to build his nest in your heart and sing all his favourite songs to you, and from you he would never, ever part.

He knew he was letting himself romanticise the affection and comfort he felt for you, however, he couldn’t find anything that made him disappointed with you, or that annoyed him. There were small things here and there that made him question your approach to life, but your grounded self was the kind of roots he needed to drift in the wind and let everything surprise and amaze him.

You were his anchor and he was so infinitely glad to have met you.

“How do you feel about the whole marriage thing? Do you still believe in it?” His voice was incredibly velvety, like a mother’s caress, a lover’s glance.

You pondered your emotions and sensations. “I believe I do. I mean, it’s not like I think I failed something or love is a lie and all of that. I’m just trying to understand the… the ground rules—” You took a pause, trying to explain yourself. “Like, the foreword, you know?”

He listened and let you talk.

“What makes a couple fit for marriage? And then, what is marriage? I need it to be more than just a bunch of paperwork and legal duties. But maybe it’s just that.”

Taehyung rubbed his naked foot against yours. His feet were freezing. Plus it felt funny to test the smoothness of your calf with the sole. He wished the two of you could cuddle under the sheets, talk until the larks would start singing and thin rays of premature sunshine would start lighting up the dawn and stream into the room, colouring your face with a greyish halo before it turned pink, and then orange and then deep red for the briefest minute until bright yellow settled in.

He wanted to study the colours of you bathed in any type of light, any shade and palette that would come with the passing hours.

“I think I want more than paperwork and formalities too. It's a promise after all. You're officially telling your beloved that you will be by their side forever.”

“As someone who betrayed that promise, I don't think I can see it from that point of view anymore.” You exhaled before he placed an arm around you, almost sitting on your lap as he offered you his untreated hand.

He frowned. “It’s not like you betrayed it. You honoured it. It might say ‘till death do us part’ and all of that, but the biggest promise is to be at each other’s side, to find happiness and support and comfort in each other. You realised you couldn’t hold on to each other anymore and you let go.” He kissed your cheek. “Your right to happiness is way greater than a promise neither of you wanted to keep anymore.”

You found refuge in his hair, sniffing it gently before letting your eyelids lower. “I’m afraid I’ll break future promises, too. Sometimes I ask myself how I could keep one.” You felt incredibly calm as he started delivering gentle pecks from your temple to your ear to your jaw, the sound of his lips disclosing in quiet pops slipping into silence as he lost the excuse of kisses and started simply skimming your skin with the smooth petals of his mouth.

“You will not be alone keeping it.” He drew a line with his nose, from your cupid’s bow to the middle of your forehead, where he placed one final kiss. “It’s a shared responsibility. You won’t need to go all the way. The right one will meet you halfway, and they will be willing to go a bit farther on the days you can’t reach, just like you’ll be willing to take a few more steps on the days they’re not feeling good. It’s a compromise, and the border moves and melts.” He hummed as you kneaded the base of his thumb between your own thumb and index. “At least that’s the way I like to imagine it.”

You would meet him halfway. And you would reach for him, on days like this, when you need him and he needs you. And you would walk a bit more when he’s tired and worried and afraid, just like you knew he would come for you.

“I think it really works for friends too,” Taehyung mused. He looked at you. He wanted to meet you halfway, and renovate that promise day after day after day. One day at the time, as long as you loved him. And then he would let you go, not without trying to fix the distance between the two of you. “Sometimes the difference between lovers and friends confuses me.”

You looked at him and blinked. “Well, I would never do anything sexual with a friend. I would with a lover, though.”

He nodded and hummed as he reflected. “So I should call you my lover?”

You felt your cheeks heat up. “Sure, if you’d like to.”

“I’d love to.”

You smiled, a tiny chuckle parting from your lips.

“Once you said you don’t feel attracted to just anyone. What is it that makes you feel attracted to me?” Taehyung asked, genuinely curious.

You gave a small laugh. “You know all about me meeting my husband when I was a kid, growing up together, being with him, only him until we divorced and then some.”

He nodded.

“I think that made me used to being extremely close to my partner before being capable of perceiving any type of attraction. And even when I was with him, I didn’t ever think about anyone else. All people were just—” you thought about the right word. “They were only human beings to me. I couldn’t see them as somebody I could be attracted to, especially since I never got to know anyone as much as I know Terry and him. I think you’re the first one I want to explore.” You let go of his hand.

“Thank you,” he murmured before letting his back fall against the pillows, laying down and dragging you with him so you were resting on your side, your legs tangled up with his before you found your spot flushed against his side, his chest pillowing your head and your leg thrown over his hip. He wanted to comb your hair but he didn’t want to mess it up with the balm, so he decided he could simply draw circles against your arm. “What do you mean with ‘exploring’?”

You yawned as you felt relaxation wash over you. “I mean I want to take my time to get to know you. I’ve read somewhere that people who only feel attraction for those they have an emotional bond with are called demisexual. And somehow I feel I could identify myself with that, but I think I still have too many open questions to feel like I fully belong to that category.”

Taehyung felt blessed he could listen to your thoughts out loud. They felt so precious to him, like they could give him a way to understand you better. And the more he understood you, the deeper he fell for you. “You’re still so young, you have all the time in the world. Maybe you could talk to a therapist, or find some support through online forums. You know you have my full support.”

You softened and furtherly cosied up in his arms. “Thank you so much, Tae.”

“It’s the least I can do.” You felt his voice sweeten with joy and gratitude. “We take care of each other.”

He had become your solace, your reprieve, your second chance at happiness. Hopefully, your definitive one too.

You calmed down, trying not to rush things through, reminding yourself this had been the strongest, most unreasonable form of enamourment you could have ever thought of; nevertheless, you couldn’t deny the sudden lightness and warmth and fondness that invaded you whenever he peeked into your thoughts or appeared in your sight.

“However, yes, I feel attracted to you because I’m emotionally attached to you. I don’t know what this will become, or if it will evolve into deeper feelings, but it feels good to be your friend. And to be your lover too,” you continued delicately, trying to play it cool. “I just don’t know how long this sense of attraction will last — you know, because of this being an actual first time and me being afraid of making promises and not keeping them. For now I only know I want to know you deeper. And I want to be your lover.”

Fear crawled into his veins but he let the present reassurance comfort him. “It’s okay. It’s not like I’m experienced. We’ll just let ourselves feel whatever comes our way. The only promise I need you to give me is that you’ll allow yourself to feel everything life will give you, without being afraid.”

You stretched to press a kiss to his lips. “Okay. Can I count on you to meet me halfway?”

He nodded. “As a friend, as a lover, as anything you allow me to be.”

You kissed him again, your body relaxing even more. You couldn’t hold back another yawn.

“Let’s get you to bed. I don’t want you to fall asleep on the couch.” He traced your profile with the tip of his pinky. “Come on.”

As you laid in bed, your legs tangled together, you caressed his hair, watching his eyelashes fan against his cheekbones.

“I hate that my hands hurt. I wish I could touch you more.” He turned to fit his back against your front, your hand meeting his chest and feeling his calm heartbeat.

“Did you really shape that sculpture after me?”

You noticed him nodding. “I could still feel you under my fingers. It was torture to lay in this bed without you.”

You kissed his nape. “Good thing I’m here now.”

“You make it so much better, darling.” His voice was reaching that depth that fit night-time pillow talk so perfectly.

You thought about how your life had changed since he came into it. “You make it better too, Tae.”

Taglist is open

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

Umm for the halloween requests, I would love it if you would do a siren/mermaid N'doul trying to convince his darling to 'marry' him or something like that

Ooo I really like this request.

Please bare with me as this is my first time writing N'Doul so I'm a bit nervous.

Voice of love

(yandere siren N'Doul X Female Reader)

You sat by the ocean and watched the light of the setting sun glisten on the surface of the sea as tears welled up in your eyes, it had been a week since your fiance's body had washed up on shore here but you couldn't get over it. You had been in an argument with him and he had left to go fishing with his friends to blow off some steam but he hadn't returned that night.

At first you didn't worry, he was just having a break, right? After a few days you called him but got no response so you called his friends, they hadn't seen him that night. Then you called his work, they hadn't seen him either. You began to fear that he may have ran away from town but then about six days after his body was found.

You remember how horrified you were when you were brought in by the police to confirm his identity. He looked almost indistinguishable with how torn up his body was, like he had been chewed up by a shark and spat out. All his organs had been removed and his eyes were gouged out. You felt every inch of your body turn to lead as you saw him.

You didn't tell anyone about what state his body had been but yet it seemed the whole town had found out about him. Old sailor men began to share ominous tales that were long forgotten, of creatures from the sea who lured sailors to their murky graves and feasted on their remains. It hurt you to say the least, people telling stories of tell tale creatures that weren't real and blaming said creatures for your fiance's death. In your eyes it was complete mockery.

You cried your heart out as you remembered how you both used to walk across this very beach, all those times you had taken for granted. You missed him, every morning you hoped that he would be sleeping beside you… that this was all just a horrible nightmare.

A sigh caught your attention that prompted you to look to your right hand side. Close to you a man that you had never seen before sat with his body partially submerged in the water. His eyes closed as he bathed in the cool ocean water.

"You seem so sad…" he commented as he turned his head in your direction, but did not open his eyes.

"Yes… I lost somebody very important to me last week" you explained as you looked at your feet, almost shameful… like you were the one who killed him.

"Is that so? It's such a shame that you are the one crying" he luled as the tide came in. The cool water grasing against your toes, only to retreat back into the depths in which it came.

The sound of the waves crashing entered your ears once more before the tide came in again, but then a freak wave that crashed into your body and tossed you around before swallowing you into its large body. You struggled to gain your bearings as the water pushed you in every which way. You desperately attempted to defy its will and return to land.

Once you crawled back to sandy banks you violently coughed as your body ridded itself of the salty sea water that you had swallowed. The back of your throat stung with the vile mixture of sea water and vomit clung to your taste buds.

You stood up and flicked your sopping wet hair out of your face and growled as you gritted your teeth.

"Why the hell did I even come here of all places! I'm so stupid! If I had just kept my big trap shut he would have still been here!" You screamed at yourself, not caring if the stranger or anyone else heard you. To you the pain and guilt of losing him was unbearable.

Another wave swept you off of your feet and dragged you in. However instead of falling victim to the current yet again, the ravenette stranger had caught you in his arms.

"You shouldn't waste your tears on that man (Y/n), he wasn't worth your time to begin with" the man said as he pressed you onto his chest with one arm as he combed his digits through your wet, messy hair. Your body froze, not just at his ominous words or that he knew your name but the feeling of his slick and inhuman lower body.

"How do you know my name?!" You exclaimed as you squirmed in his vice grip.

"Habibti I've heard your voice along this very beach many times, your voice is like that of my own… it's mesmerising" he cooed as he opened his eyes to reveal his full white eyes.

"It was a shame you wasted your sweet words on that pig" he continued as his tone turned sharp.

"He hurt you that night, so I did what was in our best interest" his words made your body turn ice cold. The thought of what he did to your lover shook you to your very core.

You thrashed in his grasp one more and succeeded, trying to run as fast as you could while screaming.

"Somebody, anybody, help me!" You screamed manically before another wave crashed in, dragging you out to the deep end as you tried to fight against it then another wave caught you off before forcing your head into a rock. Blood began to pool out and dance with the tide as darkness consumed you.

🐠🐠🐠

You groaned as you held your head from the throbbing pain on your head as you curled up to keep your body warm, only to hear the sound of chains scraping across the floor. You looked to your feet and saw that one of your legs had been chained, your eyes followed the links of metal until you could see there was a small anchor jammed between two large boulders. You tried to warm yourself up but you felt like you were made entirely of ice, unable to warm your body by any means. You were shaking like a leaf as you teeth chattered.

You began to fear that you might just die of hyperthermia until a light illuminated the cave you were trapped in from above. You looked up and saw a small opening in the roof of the cave that let the full moons light trickle down. You then looked around to see the cave better. It seemed like the only entrance was the small pool of water that indicated that you were inside of some underwater cavern. That monster must have taken you here. You had been lured in by a siren to your despair.

The blind monster's words stuck with you, how he spoke of your voice and how he was so deeply infatuated with as to killing your fiance. It made you sick to the stomach thinking about it.

You curled up into a ball, overwhelmed by this. It just seemed like it was too horrible to be real. You wallowed in self-pity until a waterproof material was gently placed over you before a kiss was planted on your cheek. You knew it was the monster and pushed him away.

"Stay away from me!" You yelled as you looked at the tanned creature with an expression that meant so many emotions.

"Why must you be like this habibti?" He asked with his voice trying to hide how much your words hurt him.

"You weren't afraid of me when you thought I was human, so why are you so afraid of me now?" He asked as his silver tail swayed across the ground, the sharp bony tips of his fin only millimetres from cutting your leg. He was like how the old sailors described.

"You killed my fiance! My life would have been so much better if it hadn't been for you!" Screamed hysterically as fresh tears spilt from your eyes.

"You claim to love me yet you took away the person that made me the happiest!" You continued as you pulled on your hair in frustration.

"Because I believed, and I still believe that I can make you happier" he replied as he shifted closer to you. You felt revolted as his hands began to roam your body.

"And you think having me chained in a cavern will make me happy?" You hissed.

"I knew you'd be as beautiful as your voice" he muttered, ignoring what you were saying as he relished in your features.

"We'll live the happiest of lives here as husband and wife" he stated as he pulled your chin up before pecking your lips.

"Husband?! Wife?!" You exclaimed, pulled away from him.

"Well of course habibti, we will be living our lives here after all, having children and growing old… well maybe just you" he spoke so sweetly to you as he held your hand.

At this point you had nothing to say, nor an emotion to show. You hid away in your mind, falling through your thoughts.

"And I promise that I'll love you just as much as I love you now," he continued.

"I'll take the best care of you my dear little wife"

[bang-tan-bitches]

MONSTER MASH 2020 ENTRY 1

It Wasn’t Me

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This idea hit me while I was playing Among Us with a group of my friends. The only thing going through my mind at the time was “What if Among Us was scary? And put Bangtan in it?? And so, this story was born. This is my lousy attempted at thriller/horror, so sorry if I couldn’t get the feeling across just right. BUT I hope everyone who reads my story will at least have a little bit of fear striking their heart while reading this :> Also I apologies in advance if you’re upset at how the story plays out. Sadly, this is a horror story, based on a game about killing people and shitty decision making.

Words: 5.8K

Warnings/Triggers: A lot of dark places, lots of noises, OC Death, Character Deaths, Some gore (but not extremely descriptive), False accusations, Swearing (lots of it), One or two people have a panic attack (not extremely descriptive), Blood gets mentioned quite often, BTS MEMBERS DO DIE (You have been warned), Talking about dead bodies (I tried to keep it down on describing them), Memory Loss, My really shitty attempt at Horror/Thriller XD, Sorry if I missed anything :(

Music: I was listening to this while writing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmTkm_o9Glo

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Everyone was quiet. No one making eye-contact, everyone except for Namjoon that is. He was pointedly staring straight at Jungkook with a harsh glint in his eye, or that could just be from his helmet visor reflecting the low light of everyone's flashlights strapped to their shoulders.

“I know it was you Kook, you can give up pretending like you were actually doing something” Namjoon’s words cut through the dimly lit cafeteria. His cyan coloured glove easily scrolling through his tablet searching for Jungkook’s name, the prompt for voting appearing.

“It wasn’t me! Guys I swear it wasn’t!” Kook pleaded to the others, giving up on trying to convince his elder.

“How isn’t it you JK? We last saw her with you!” Taehyung pipes up from his corner of the simplistic dinning bench. “We don’t even know where the body is guys, so everyone calm down we don’t really have time to throw around accusations with no substance to them.”, Yoongi’s apprehensive gaze looks over Jin’s shoulder, a red digital watch blinking as seconds go by threatening to cut their communication with each other.

“Hobi?”, Jimin looks in Hoseok’s direction. Nervous red gloved hands fiddling, his erratic breaths leaving his lips as he tries to keep it together. Tears turning his eyes glassy and unfocused, his mind recalling seeing your body ripped in half on the floor. “It was in Naviga-” his words faulter, a sob running through his entire body, tear stained face falling into his shaking hands.

Everyone looks on with heartbreak in their eyes, Taehyungs leaving the crying man to look at where you would have been sitting right across from him. He bites his bottom lip, swallowing down a sob of his own. Namjoon speaks up again, “Hobi, could you tell... tell if it was fresh?” “Namjoon!” Jin’s voice raises a few octaves, hand ready to slap the younger one behind the head but his arms are restricted by an unknown force and his pink gloved hand returns to his lap. Hoseok wails even more, but he shakes his head a faint mumble of ‘I couldn’t tell’. Jimin looks on, desperate longing to comfort Hoseok.

“Well then, where was everyone? State your current position, one at a time” Yoongi eyes the ticking red digits again, nerves clearly showing in his tone.

“I was busy here in cafeteria, I had to fix the wires!” Jungkook was quick to respond, desperation in his voice. “I was busy redirecting our power source through to our defences, I saw Taehyung with me. But it was dark, I don’t know what he was doing.” Jimin’s shaken voice calls through shortly after, his sad eyes resting on Taehyung. Everyone’s gaze shifted towards him, awaiting his answer. “I was busy downloading Electrical Bay logs, never got to it though so now I need to go stand there again.” A shiver runs down his spine, with his restricted vision in a place as isolated as their electrical bay, he’s sure everyone can relate to his distaste.

“I was with Yoongi in Medical, busy preparing the vial tests. I’m sure he was doing his scan behind me so he must be clear.” Jin’s voice echo’s through the dark room, his nod towards Yoongi is recuperated with a nod back. “Yeah, I was almost done but the... The... Y/A’s body got reported.” Yoongi fights with himself, unable to bring himself to refer to you now as a thing. A dead thing. Fuck, you were alive only minutes ago, he saw you run past Medical. You still gave him a wave of acknowledgement. His black gloved hand lifts out of its own, his fingers mimicking the wave he sent back your way at the time. Namjoon clearing his throat breaks Yoongi out of his trance. Unfocused eyes looking towards the man calling all attention.

“So then that leaves Jungkook, Hoseok and myself as the possible killer. I was in our administration room busy swiping myself into the system. Hobi I need you to pull it together man, what were you doing that side of the ship?” Hoseok’s body doesn’t stop shaking, but he tries to answer through his broken voice. “I just finished cleaning out the oxygen filters, I was on my way down to defences when I saw the blood trail leading to... to her...” His voice finally giving in, nothing but harsh breathing leaving his dry lips.

“Namjoon, I know you’re convinced it might be Jungkook but it’s not enough. It’s risky to vote someone out now. There's still the possibility the monster could be anyone, we don’t even know if there’s more than one. Keep an eye on JK for now, but it would be foolish to vote now.” Jin’s voice is soft, trying not to make his friend fly off the rails again with accusations. “Fine, this is a warning then Kook.” Namjoon’s cyan coloured gloved fingers cancelling his pending vote on Jungkook. Out of the corner of Taehyung’s eye he could see the visible relief in Jungkook’s body, his shoulders sagging and a held breath being pushed out through his nose.

Soon everyone scrolls to the bottom of the list of their names, all casting their votes on passing this meeting off as inconclusive. The digital timer behind Jin fades out, a scratchy robotic voice playing through the intercoms throughout the ship.

“5 votes Inconclusive.” The five crewmembers who voted, their eyebrows shoot into the sky in shock.

“1 vote Namjoon”, this made his heart race, someone is suspecting him? But who? His eyes dart into Jungkook’s direction seeing the youngest already looking his way, sweat gathering by his temples. It must be Kook, he’s trying to get rid of him!

“1 vote Hoseok”, dread colours his face, how can anyone suspect him of killing you? No, nonono this isn’t right. He was your friend; he could never bring himself to breath a bad word in your direction much less be able to kill you! He needs to partner up with someone, he possibly has a target on his back now. He needs to prove how innocent he really is.

“All members return to your duties.”, And with that the intercoms shut down with a muted screech. As if their suits come to life, their helmets start shutting, visors sliding over their faces and locking in at the latch by their chins. Restricted vision in the already darkly it ship with nothing but a low powered flashlight, everyone starts leaving the dinning bench. Jungkook’s purple helmet disappears into the shadows towards the upper end of cafeteria, Jimin and Taehyung running together towards the southern hallway. Namjoon still idles by the dinning bench, the emergency button tempting him into using his one and only use of it. His hands fist by his sides as he has an inner battle with himself, but finally he decides against it and follows Jin and Yoongi’s retreating figures that ran towards the west side of the ship.

Hoseok thought he was going to starts hyperventilating, he found himself alone in the dark. His mind repeating over and over again “target on your back... target on your back...” hesitatingly he runs towards south hallway in search of Jimin and Taehyung. Taehyung... he said he would be in electrical bay. Hoseok finally know his exact destination he disappears into the shadows as he searches for his green helmet friend.

Unable to speak to each other, Jin and Yoongi trod along towards Medical bay again. Not close enough to touch each other with stretched arms, but close enough to still make out each other's body in the shadows. Yoongi doesn’t know how long they’ve been on the ship, his memory completely wiped. But he does remember doing his duties and that was the only thing driving him at this point. He can only vaguely recall all his supposed friends faces but even that gave him a headache if he focuses to long on it. The faint thumping of boots can be heard behind them but that soon fades away, sounded far as well so neither of them grew concerned.

The green flickering lights of Medical bay soon lights up the entryway, the letters ‘cal’ completely busted and the letter ‘i’ flickering on and off. Here Yoongi stops and gets ready to turn, but Jin doesn’t follow him. Yoongi’s stress levels spike at this, Jin just continues walking further down the hallway throwing Yoongi two fingers over his shoulder, ‘Peace’. Jin is abandoning him. Before Yoongi could run after, he was gone from his sight. Just the faint thumping of his boots getting softer and softer till the only thing he can hear is the blood rushing in his ears and his panicked breathing.

“You can do this Yoongi, just do your scan and leave. All it takes is 10 seconds, more than enough before anyone can catch you alone.”, he tries to encourage himself, knowing no one can hear him over the busted communications in their helmets. Slowly he walks into the supposed Medical Ward. It was anything but that in his eyes.

The room looks like it hasn’t seen anything human in over 50 years. Ward beds lay toppled over or stacked against the wall to his right, some with wheels, others with what looks to be constraint-straps. This room wasn’t as frightful when he was in here with Jin. This ship is a lot better to handle in general when you're with someone else, he thinks to himself.

He accidently kicks over something that looks like a bedpan, nearly shitting himself at the loud clatter that echoes around him. His heart thundering in his chest, he shakes out his hands in front of him. ‘Fucking calm down Min Yoongi. Since when were you the biggest pussy on this ship?!’ With a neck roll he walks in deeper, passing the discarded beds he eyes the floor. There he sees it, the fucking vent. The second thing that drives a knife through everyone’s hearts. He hastens his steps towards the body scanner, he's been in here longer than he would like already. He hears boots running on top of the steel flooring close to the entrance, he holds his breath. The thumping gets louder but he can’t seem to pinpoint if it's from the left or right, just that it’s getting louder.

Deciding not to stand around and look like he’s not doing anything, he turns away from the door and jumps up onto the filthy podium. He can see his boot prints in the dust from when he was standing there previously before discovering your fate. His hand darts out and starts typing in his crew ID, the old machine groaning as it boots up. “Come on, come on, come on... Fuck switch on already you piece of shit!” as if the scanner could hear him it boots up, what used to be lime green lights settling on his form and so the program starts running.

Yoongi could see nothing, the scanner’s lights bouncing off his visor, barely able to see his own intel on the little black monitor in front of him. The whirling and beeping of the machine are deafening, drowning out the hurried footsteps he heard coming towards him. By the time he’s done, a simple 10 seconds he wishes never to experience again, he was climbing of the podium and sending his scan towards admin. Not waiting to see if the scan goes through, he goes running out of Medical while checking his right wrist for his remaining tasks. He heads east, thinking he’ll shortcut through cafeteria. There he bumps into a nervous Jungkook heading the same direction. They stood and stared at each other for what seemed hours. Yoongi could hear footsteps coming from south hallway, Jungkook’s head snapping towards it as well. Yoongi signals east and beckons Jungkook to follow and continues on with his journey. Weather Kook followed him or not, he doesn’t really care because he wasn’t going to look behind him.

Hoseok nearly ran head first into a stack of boxes when he entered Storage Bay. This room always gave him the creeps. Boxes of God-knows-what stacked high to the ceiling. He hates it, he hates it so much here. ‘I just want to go home’, he thinks to himself. ‘Where even is home? Do I have one? This place can’t be my home... right?’, his steps faulter, inner monologue interrupted by movement. He swears he saw someone’s boot out the corner of his eye. “Buddy system Hobi, look for a buddy and stick by them”, he reminds himself, blinking away something wet from his eyes, not sure if it’s tears or sweat at this point. He slowly makes his way between unmarked boxes, vaguely remembering this is the path to the garbage shoot. He sees the silhouette of someone. His heart in his throat, he nears apprehensively, a yellow helmet coming to life. Jimin turns around and his mouth opens in horror when his eyes land on Hoseok so close to him. He goes tumbling to the floor, his arms thrown up in a defensive manner in the hopes it will make the killing blow less painful.

When nothing happens Jimin opens one eye and peaks through his arms. Hoseok just standing there waving his arms telling Jimin to get back on his feet. With a huff Jimin drags his body back into a standing position and eyes Hoseok warily. He dusts of his white spacesuit's pants, doing nothing but spreading the dust and grease over himself even more. Hoseok points towards the west, asking Jimin silently if he would go with. Jimin shakes his head and points east, he has tasks to do that side of the ship. Hoseok clasps his red hands together, contemplating if he should stick with Jimin or continue on his search for Taehyung. Lifting his right arm, he checks his task list. He needs to be at reactor. He waves to Jimin and leaves his yellow friend behind and continuous looking for Taehyung.

Jin leans back in the rickety chair inside security. The chair is missing two wheels and an arm rest but it’s the only comfort he can indulge in right now. He watches the security cameras in a bored haze. He was curious as to why Yoongi left Medical and went back to cafeteria and not come looking for him. Jin leans back as far as the chair will allow before hearing the plastic cracking. He didn’t like having his back turned to the doorway, much less the vent. He eyes the grated hole in the far corner away from him. It’s barely hidden in the shadows but he could still see the dry blood-stained metal in the low light. The room was practically empty except for a lone broken desk, document debris scattered on its top and the floor around it. He already searched through those notes; he still doesn’t know anything. If anything, he was even less wiser than what he was ten minutes ago. He turns back to the cracked monitors in front of him. He needed to find a way off this damned ship, even if it killed him while trying. He knew he had a family somewhere out there, he needed to get back to them. He watches on silently, his right wrist beeping red. He swears he could hear the creaking of metal on metal.

Jimin having turned his back on Hoseok, walked towards defences. The hallway felt longer and darker when he was alone. He could only hear his erratic breathing and his foot falls on the steel below him. He paused. The entrance of communications greeting him. He peered in but saw no one. The room was filthy. Nothing short of looking like a hurricane tore it apart. Electronic equipment shattered and broken litter the floor. Confusi9on clouded his brain, “What happened on this shi-?” A splitting headache seized him between his eyes at that very moment. He fell to his knees screaming himself hoarse. The feeling of hooks tearing his brain apart, membrane from membrane, he tries clutching at his helmet trying to pray it off of himself. Not soon after Jimin’s vision turns black, his body shutting down and his head bangs against the steel floor.

Jungkook walked quietly behind Yoongi, far enough to just see his elder’s boots in his line of vision. He wasn’t even sure if Yoongi knew he was still following him. He watched as they passed the ship’s gun room. It was more a laser shooter in Kookie’s eyes but he felt the time to bring up the debate of room names was not now. He looks down to his right wrist, red light beeping silently. He continues following Yoongi towards what looks like Navigation Room? Jungkook decides it was best to break off there and head into the oxygen maintenance room, his eyes following the cracking glass plant tank, from there he follows the banged-up pipes all along the walls. He remembers Hoseok saying something about cleaning out the filters here. He looks over his shoulder, hoping Yoongi would have paused and waited for him. No one but darkness greets him. With a shake of his head and shoulders he tries to calm himself down, he disappears deeper into the room in search of a small leaver.

He flicked open his left wrist, opening the small red map on his visor. He wonders if his brother has feasted yet, the idea makes his stomach rumble. He growls jealously at the idea, no, he needs to feed before he becomes unbearable, before he starts slipping up, before he gets caught. He goes for the easiest option, a low grumble of ‘Lights’ sets the mood just the way he likes it. Everyone plunges into darkness. All power gets cut in seconds, flashlights, wall lights, even monitor lights die.

Multiple running footsteps can be heard heading in his direction, he smiles and sticks to the boxes in storage. One set of footsteps are the closest to him, he focuses on the south hallway.

When Jimin comes to he realises he's on the floor, his face clammy and an incessant throbbing inside his head. Slowly he climbs back onto his feet, a shake of his shoulders makes himself feel dizzy, the feeling of vomit coming up his throat makes him turn green. After a few deep breaths Jimin tries to remember what he was doing, lost in thought standing in the even darker hallway. This makes him blink a few times, slowly realisation hits him, the faint blaring of an alarm ringing in his ears. He needs to head to Electrical Bay, hoping he chooses the right direction, he sets off.

Jungkook has never been scared of the dark, not that he can remember that, but he's never been plunged into this type of void before. His hands outstretched in front of him, making sure he won't bump into any walls on his way to see why the power system is failing. He calls out for Yoongi in desperation forgetting that they have no way to communicate with each other. He continues calling out regardless, some messed up way of soothing himself. His shin hits the cafeteria bench, he curses and bends down to rub away the pain. ‘Fucking stupid Kook, why are you even here? You’ve done nothing but make yourself look like an idiot, now you’re walking into shit as well! Fucking useless!’, his internal monologue deafens him from hearing footsteps approaching. The last thing Jungkook saw was sharp white teeth coming straight at him as he stood back up as the lights faded on.

All remaining members were seated at the dinning bench. One by one their visors opened and they quickly saw who was missing. Jungkook and Jin. The vacant seats mocking them.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! WHO THE FUCK KILLED JUNGKOOK? TELL ME NOW YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” Yoongi tried to jump from his seat but he struggled against his suit, as if he was glued to his chair. He was losing it, Kookie was right behind him. Right behind HIM. That means the killer was close by. It could have been him. It SHOULD have been him. He was to chicken shit to look out for Jungkook. He’s responsible for the loss of a crewmate. He breaks down, elbows slamming onto the table, black gloved hands flying to his hair and desperately starts pulling at his strands. Tears freely running down his face.

“Yoongi, it wasn’t Jungkook that I saw in there. I... I saw... Fuck... I saw Jin. He was... He was everywhere... I...”, Taehyung’s voice wavers, he’s staring at the table top but his eyes were watching something else entirely. Just blood, so much blood... was everywhere.

“Where TaeTae?”, Jimin wants to reach out towards his friend. Comfort him and clean his mind from the horrors he witnessed.

“Was in security. I didn’t see anything but I was with Taehyung. I had to go to reactor, Tae came with me so I wouldn’t be alone. He went right and I left and... now we’re here.”, Hoseok’s voice sounded lifeless. His skin was pale and ashy, dark rings decorated his eyes and his nose was raw and red.

“Jimin where were you?”, Namjoon’s eyes darts towards the yellow crewmate. Jimin quickly throws his hands in the air. “No, NO! It wasn’t me! Hoseok can confirm I was in storage and I went east towards defences. Hobi please tell them! There’s no way for me to get to security even with using the vents!” Jimin grabs at the sides of the dining table, his entire body shaking with unshed tears. “Hobi please!”

“Namjoon, he’s right. Even if it was... recent or not, there’s no way it could have been him.”, Hobi hangs his head, hoping he wasn’t making a mistake by defending Jimin.

“Where the fuck were you Namjoon? Huh? WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU MOTHERFUCKER?!”, Yoongi tries again to lunge over the table but still he was held to his chair. “YOU HAD IT OUT FOR HIM FROM THE GET GO! JUST ADMIT YOU FUCKING KILLED KOOK!” he was seeing red, the veins on his forehead and throat looking as if they will pop any second. “He has a point Namjoon... Where were you? I was in storage on my way to Electrical to check the switchboard and I didn’t see you in there”, Jimin tries to rub away one of the grease stains on his yellow glove, eyes refusing to look up.

“Yeah Joon, Taehyung and myself fixed the lights, you weren’t in Electrical Bay area at all.”, Hoseok’s the one with the pointed glare now.

“Why are you looking at me? I was back in administration, where the fuck were you Yoongi?” Namjoon was bringing up his defences, he puffed out his chest and tightened his hands into fists on top of the dull table. “I was busy in Navigation you fucker, WHY WERE YOU IN ADMIN AGAIN?”, Yoongi’s voice echoed all around them. Creaking of metal could be heard around them. The darkness filled with silence reminding the crewmembers where they were. A jarring reality compared to the screaming that engulfed them mere seconds ago. The scratchy robotic voice on the intercoms greeted them.

“Voting ends in 10 seconds” The faint blaring of an alarm sounds, slowly getting louder as the seconds tick by.

2 seconds was all it took. 2 seconds of making split-second eye contact and the crewmates were voting.

“1 vote Inconclusive”, no one was making eye-contact. Some breathing louder than others. Jimin could swear he heard Hoseok letting out a sob, or was it Taehyung?

“1 vote Yoongi”, Hearing this made him snap in Namjoon’s direction. “YOU MOTHERFUCKER, YOU THINK I WOULD KILL HIM? HUH? FUCK YOU, PRICK! YOU FUCKING MURDERER, FUCKING MONSTER!”, Yoongi was barely keeping himself together, feeling of rage taking over his being, that is till he hears the last casted voting announcement.

“3 vote Namjoon”, Yoongi breaks out in hysterical laughter. HIs voice bouncing back against the broke walls of the cafeteria. “Looks like you’ll be getting what you deserve after all!”

“You guys made a mistake, it’s not me. If you kick me out now, all of you will die. Please think about this, we can still go ba-”, “Like hell we are! Filthy scum trying to fool you all into trusting it!”, Yoongi was finally freed from his suit’s constraints to the bench. “Come on everyone, the votes have spoken.”, He stalks over to Namjoon, showing him to get up and start walking towards the airlock at the top of the cafeteria. Hoseok gets up and joins him in ushering Namjoon off the ship. Taehyung and Jimin remain at the table, refusing to partake.

Yoongi pulls the latch down, the solid metal doors sliding open with a hiss. With no protest Namjoon steps in, back still turned towards them as Yoongi pushes the latch back up. The doors creak and struggle to close, but seal after a few minutes. Hoseok has moved towards the windows looking out into the vacant space way outside. “This is for Jungkook. Rest in Hell.” With as much strength that Yoongi could muster he slammed his fist down on the eject button. His head barely had time to rest on the cold dirty metal of the airlock panel before their helmets started shutting again.

“Namjoon’s gone.” Those are the last words Yoongi heard pass Hoseok’s lips before they were sealed back into their spacesuits, voiceless. Little did Yoongi know he meant that his body disappeared.

Jimin was the last to leave the table this time. He was unsure of himself. Unsure if his crewmates made the right choice. His right arm beeped red, sighing he flicked open his task list. The flashing of the Reactor Room bouncing off his helmet visor. He didn’t even know which direction the rest of them went in. Slowly he got up, heading west. He heard faint footsteps getting louder the closer he got. The hallway was a mess, broken glass crunched under his boots. ‘Where did this even come from?’, His thoughts distracting him, not even noticing the creaking of metal on metal behind him.

Yoongi walks out of Electrical Bay with confidence, just finishing his tasks and not a soul knew he was in there. Deciding he should check out the security cameras and see where everyone was hiding, but before he could take a step towards the west side of the ship the alarms were blaring again. Oxygen was depleting, and fast. ‘Fuck!’, ignoring his original plan he made a dash for the administration room, hoping someone would already be at the top for the second half of the system reset. It was practically impossible to run into Admin. The number of boxes of files thrown everywhere had Yoongi nearly tripping five times just to get to the back of the room. Finally, he was able to get to the keypad, ripping the yellow sticky note off the monitor. He was squinting as much as he possibly could, barely able to make out the numbers. ‘Is that a six or an eight?’, smashing his thumb on the green button he got the code in with four seconds to spare. He didn’t even realise the depleting oxygen was making him dizzy. He stood in Admin for what felt like an hour, just taking deep breaths. “Where in the ever-loving fuck is everyone else?”, he asks this to himself out loud with no answer returned.

Jimin was a broken mess on the floor, not only did he get a fright when the alarm went off, but once he turned around to go towards the emergency, the doors sealed him in security hallway outside reactor. He pounded as much as his body could against the door, eventually cowering against the corner crying for help. He was convinced he was a goner. His eyes refused to look down the long empty and dark hallway. The only sounds around him the ticking timer of the doors, his sobs and the sound of dripping water.

When the alarm stopped screaming in his ears, not soon after the doors opening, Jimin was astonished that he was still alive. Counting his lucky starts he moved towards his final task in reactor. This room had more light than any other room on the ship, making Jimin squint for a few seconds trying to adjust his eyes to the brightness. Jimin stepped in a pool of water, the soft splash making him jump out of his skin. Jumping back, his eyes fall to the floor. But what Jimin sees might scar him for the rest of his life. He saw a red glove next to a red puddle. Jimin bends to pick it up but drops it instantly when he feels there was weight to it. He felts as if he was going to throw up again, his vision going double and he stumbles back, hitting the reactor door frame. “No, please no, not Hobi... Please not Hobi!”, His voice is scratchy to his own ears. His throat raw and painfully hot.

He heard the tapping of something wet hitting the top of his helmet. Slowly he lifted his head. His eyes were greeted with the horribly mangled body of his beloved elder handing from the wires dangling from the ceiling. Jimin not being able to tell the red blood apart from the red on Hoseok’s suit, he let out a deafening painful scream only his ears could hear and flicked his left arm, with panicked fingers he fumbles to press the report button on his suit.

One by one the visors open of the remaining crewmates. Jimin’s the last to open. Taehyung just lifts his hand and points at Jimin. “Yoongi, it was Jimin all along. I saw him, I caught him with Hoseok’s body. HE WAS STILL TRYING TO GET RID OF THE BLOOD ON HIS SUIT!”, Taehyung’s voice slowly raised into hysteria. Yoongi was confused, his head moving from Taehyungs direction and then Jimin’s and then back to Taehyung.

Jimin’s eyes widening, seeing how Taehyung could have seen this as a misunderstanding. “No! NO, IT WASN’T ME! Tae please you don’t understand what you saw! I found Hobi’s body there, I was freaking out BECAUSE HE WAS LITRALLY ON TOP OF ME IN THE CEILING! I wasn’t cleaning blood off of me I was trying to press my report button! Please this is just a huge misunderstanding, Yoongi, you believe me, right? Right?!”, Jimin’s eyes brimmed with tears, his words stumbling as he’s trying not to cry himself into hysterics while trying to plead for his life.

“Jimin... How... How could you?” Yoongi was speechless. It all made sense now. It was never Namjoon that killed Jungkook, it was Jimin. How did he not figure this out? He’s been quiet in every meeting. Used Taehyung as an alibi. He was in defences when he and Jungkook went to Navigation. Lights were killed and he could have easily offed Kookie behind his back. And now, Jimin wasn’t stopping the oxygen depletion because he was busy feasting on Hoseok’s body.

“Taehyung?”

“Yes?”

“Where were you this whole time?”

“I was busy in Weapons. Oxygen emergency popped up and I walked down to Oxygen Room and typed in the reset keycode.”

“And before that?”

“I saw Hoseok leaving cafeteria towards the west. You left south. Jimin stayed in cafeteria for a while, I stayed with him, but after a few minutes I decided to go do my last task so I left east towards weapons.”

Yoongi sat there for a long while, the digital timer in front of him placing pressure on him.

“Jimin?”

“Y-yes?...”

“Can you confirm anything Taehyung just said?”

“I-I can’t remember... Honestly I can’t! I left cafeteria going west, I didn’t see anyone passing me on the way back. As soon as I got into Security Hallway, all the doors shut on me. I went and hid! I thought I was going to die!”, Jimin was a blubbering mess at this point, he couldn’t see clearly, he could smell the blood on his suit drying.

“I’m not convinced... Die with the rest of your kind, monster. Your fake tears won’t work on me any longer!”

“NO WAIT!”, Jimin’s last plea fell on deaf ears. Taehyung and Yoongi placed their votes and Jimin had no other choice but to place his as well. The scratchy robotic voice lulled to life over the intercoms.

“1 vote Taehyung”, Taehyungs eyes widen at this, his eyes quickly darting between Jimin and Yoongi in panic.

“2 vote Jimin”, and at hearing his final fate Jimin wails. He screams and cries as loud as he could. Yoongi could feel the release on their suits from the bench and proceeded to walk towards the airlock. He pulled the latch down, the sealed doors opening with a creek and groan. Jimin refused to get up from his seat, holding on to the table as tightly as he could. He will make one last fight for his life.

Taehyung huffs at him. “You traitor. Hoseok trusted you. I trusted you. Every single one of us trusted you. How many did you kill while my back was turned to you? Huh?” Taehyung’s words cut through him like a knife, each lashing with his tongue made Jimin’s heart bleed. “Please Tae, please, please, please, it wasn’t me. What you saw was a misunderstanding! PLEASE YOU MUST BELIEVE ME, DON’T DO THIS!”, Taehyung walked up to Jimin and hooked his arms in under his armpits. He dragged the kicking and screaming man to the airlock. Yoongi was watching all of this unfold. His eyes never leaving Jimin, hoping that his disappointed face would burn into his mind. Taehyung threw Jimin on the ground in the middle of the airlock as if he weighed nothing. There Jimin stayed on his knees, elbows on the ground hunched in on himself, quietly sobbing.

Taehyung nodded in Yoongi’s direction, signalling him to do it. Without thinking twice, Yoongi pushes the latch up, waiting for the old doors to seal back up. The last words Yoongi hears from Jimin are, ‘It wasn’t me I swear’. He pauses, his finger just above the eject button. “Yoongi, do it. Do it so we can go home.”, Taehyung’s voice sounds stern, Yoongi follows through. He joins Taehyung by the window to watch Jimin disappear into space.

The first thing Jimin feels is cold. Extremely cold. He feels nothing at the same time, just his body floating in nothing. He tries to hold his breath for as long as he possibly can. As his body twists and turns away from the ship, his sight quickly fading, the last thing Jimin witnessing is Yoongi’s body against the window. Soon followed by a large splatter of blood and his lifeless body falling to the floor of the cafeteria. Jimin closes his eyes in a final goodbye, a single frozen tear stuck to his cheek as the void swallows him whole.

[xxgothickxx]

It Wasn’t Me

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This idea hit me while I was playing Among Us with a group of my friends. The only thing going through my mind at the time was “What if Among Us was scary? And put Bangtan in it?? And so, this story was born. This is my lousy attempted at thriller/horror, so sorry if I couldn’t get the feeling across just right. BUT I hope everyone who reads my story will at least have a little bit of fear striking their heart while reading this :> Also I apologies in advance if you’re upset at how the story plays out. Sadly, this is a horror story, based on a game about killing people and shitty decision making.

I also just want to take this time to say a big thank you to @bang-tan-bitches​ for the opportunity to partake in their Monster Mash competition. I had so much fun writing this and reading the other stories that partook with me! I can’t wait to read any future stories from you :D and also a big thank you to @nomimits7​ for letting me bother her so much for ideas and corrections on this story. I wouldn’t have had the balls if you didn’t push me to send it and post it!!

Words: 5.8K

Warnings/Triggers: A lot of dark places, lots of noises, OC Death, Character Deaths, Some gore (but not extremely descriptive), False accusations, Swearing (lots of it), One or two people have a panic attack (not extremely descriptive), Blood gets mentioned quite often, BTS MEMBERS DO DIE (You have been warned), Talking about dead bodies (I tried to keep it down on describing them), Memory Loss, My really shitty attempt at Horror/Thriller XD, Sorry if I missed anything :(

Music: I was listening to this while writing www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmTkm_o9Glo

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Everyone was quiet. No one making eye-contact, everyone except for Namjoon that is. He was pointedly staring straight at Jungkook with a harsh glint in his eye, or that could just be from his helmet visor reflecting the low light of everyone's flashlights strapped to their shoulders.

“I know it was you Kook, you can give up pretending like you were actually doing something” Namjoon’s words cut through the dimly lit cafeteria. His cyan coloured glove easily scrolling through his tablet searching for Jungkook’s name, the prompt for voting appearing.

“It wasn’t me! Guys I swear it wasn’t!” Kook pleaded to the others, giving up on trying to convince his elder.

“How isn’t it you JK? We last saw her with you!” Taehyung pipes up from his corner of the simplistic dinning bench. “We don’t even know where the body is guys, so everyone calm down we don’t really have time to throw around accusations with no substance to them.”, Yoongi’s apprehensive gaze looks over Jin’s shoulder, a red digital watch blinking as seconds go by threatening to cut their communication with each other.

“Hobi?”, Jimin looks in Hoseok’s direction. Nervous red gloved hands fiddling, his erratic breaths leaving his lips as he tries to keep it together. Tears turning his eyes glassy and unfocused, his mind recalling seeing your body ripped in half on the floor. “It was in Naviga-” his words faulter, a sob running through his entire body, tear stained face falling into his shaking hands.

Everyone looks on with heartbreak in their eyes, Taehyungs leaving the crying man to look at where you would have been sitting right across from him. He bites his bottom lip, swallowing down a sob of his own. Namjoon speaks up again, “Hobi, could you tell... tell if it was fresh?” “Namjoon!” Jin’s voice raises a few octaves, hand ready to slap the younger one behind the head but his arms are restricted by an unknown force and his pink gloved hand returns to his lap. Hoseok wails even more, but he shakes his head a faint mumble of ‘I couldn’t tell’. Jimin looks on, desperate longing to comfort Hoseok.

“Well then, where was everyone? State your current position, one at a time” Yoongi eyes the ticking red digits again, nerves clearly showing in his tone.

“I was busy here in cafeteria, I had to fix the wires!” Jungkook was quick to respond, desperation in his voice. “I was busy redirecting our power source through to our defences, I saw Taehyung with me. But it was dark, I don’t know what he was doing.” Jimin’s shaken voice calls through shortly after, his sad eyes resting on Taehyung. Everyone’s gaze shifted towards him, awaiting his answer. “I was busy downloading Electrical Bay logs, never got to it though so now I need to go stand there again.” A shiver runs down his spine, with his restricted vision in a place as isolated as their electrical bay, he’s sure everyone can relate to his distaste.

“I was with Yoongi in Medical, busy preparing the vial tests. I’m sure he was doing his scan behind me so he must be clear.” Jin’s voice echo’s through the dark room, his nod towards Yoongi is recuperated with a nod back. “Yeah, I was almost done but the... The... Y/A’s body got reported.” Yoongi fights with himself, unable to bring himself to refer to you now as a thing. A dead thing. Fuck, you were alive only minutes ago, he saw you run past Medical. You still gave him a wave of acknowledgement. His black gloved hand lifts out of its own, his fingers mimicking the wave he sent back your way at the time. Namjoon clearing his throat breaks Yoongi out of his trance. Unfocused eyes looking towards the man calling all attention.

“So then that leaves Jungkook, Hoseok and myself as the possible killer. I was in our administration room busy swiping myself into the system. Hobi I need you to pull it together man, what were you doing that side of the ship?” Hoseok’s body doesn’t stop shaking, but he tries to answer through his broken voice. “I just finished cleaning out the oxygen filters, I was on my way down to defences when I saw the blood trail leading to... to her...” His voice finally giving in, nothing but harsh breathing leaving his dry lips.

“Namjoon, I know you’re convinced it might be Jungkook but it’s not enough. It’s risky to vote someone out now. There's still the possibility the monster could be anyone, we don’t even know if there’s more than one. Keep an eye on JK for now, but it would be foolish to vote now.” Jin’s voice is soft, trying not to make his friend fly off the rails again with accusations. “Fine, this is a warning then Kook.” Namjoon’s cyan coloured gloved fingers cancelling his pending vote on Jungkook. Out of the corner of Taehyung’s eye he could see the visible relief in Jungkook’s body, his shoulders sagging and a held breath being pushed out through his nose.

Soon everyone scrolls to the bottom of the list of their names, all casting their votes on passing this meeting off as inconclusive. The digital timer behind Jin fades out, a scratchy robotic voice playing through the intercoms throughout the ship.

“5 votes Inconclusive”, the five crewmembers who voted, their eyebrows shoot into the sky in shock.

“1 vote Namjoon”, this made his heart race, someone is suspecting him? But who? His eyes dart into Jungkook’s direction seeing the youngest already looking his way, sweat gathering by his temples. It must be Kook, he’s trying to get rid of him!

“1 vote Hoseok”, dread colours his face, how can anyone suspect him of killing you? No, nonono this isn’t right. He was your friend; he could never bring himself to breath a bad word in your direction much less be able to kill you! He needs to partner up with someone, he possibly has a target on his back now. He needs to prove how innocent he really is.

“All members return to your duties”, and with that the intercoms shut down with a muted screech. As if their suits come to life, their helmets start shutting, visors sliding over their faces and locking in at the latch by their chins. Restricted vision in the already darkly lit ship with nothing but a low powered flashlight, everyone starts leaving the dinning bench. Jungkook’s purple helmet disappears into the shadows towards the upper end of cafeteria, Jimin and Taehyung running together towards the southern hallway. Namjoon still idles by the dinning bench, the emergency button tempting him into using his one and only use of it. His hands fist by his sides as he has an inner battle with himself, but finally he decides against it and follows Jin and Yoongi’s retreating figures that ran towards the west side of the ship.

Hoseok thought he was going to starts hyperventilating, he found himself alone in the dark. His mind repeating over and over again “target on your back... target on your back...” hesitatingly he runs towards south hallway in search of Jimin and Taehyung. Taehyung... he said he would be in electrical bay. Hoseok finally knowing his exact destination he disappears into the shadows as he searches for his green helmet friend.

Unable to speak to each other, Jin and Yoongi trod along towards Medical bay again. Not close enough to touch each other with stretched arms, but close enough to still make out each other's body in the shadows. Yoongi doesn’t know how long they’ve been on the ship, his memory completely wiped. But he does remember doing his duties and that was the only thing driving him at this point. He can only vaguely recall all his supposed friends faces but even that gave him a headache if he focuses to long on it. The faint thumping of boots can be heard behind them but that soon fades away, sounded far as well so neither of them grew concerned.

The green flickering lights of Medical bay soon lights up the entryway, the letters ‘cal’ completely busted and the letter ‘i’ flickering on and off. Here Yoongi stops and gets ready to turn, but Jin doesn’t follow him. Yoongi’s stress levels spike at this, Jin just continues walking further down the hallway throwing Yoongi two fingers over his shoulder, ‘Peace’. Jin is abandoning him. Before Yoongi could run after, he was gone from his sight. Just the faint thumping of his boots getting softer and softer till the only thing he can hear is the blood rushing in his ears and his panicked breathing.

“You can do this Yoongi, just do your scan and leave. All it takes is 10 seconds, more than enough before anyone can catch you alone.”, he tries to encourage himself, knowing no one can hear him over the busted communications in their helmets. Slowly he walks into the supposed Medical Ward. It was anything but that in his eyes.

The room looks like it hasn’t seen anything human in over 50 years. Ward beds lay toppled over or stacked against the wall to his right, some with wheels, others with what looks to be constraint-straps. This room wasn’t as frightful when he was in here with Jin. This ship is a lot better to handle in general when you're with someone else, he thinks to himself.

He accidently kicks over something that looks like a bedpan, nearly shitting himself at the loud clatter that echoes around him. His heart thundering in his chest, he shakes out his hands in front of him. ‘Fucking calm down Min Yoongi. Since when were you the biggest pussy on this ship?!’ With a neck roll he walks in deeper, passing the discarded beds he eyes the floor. There he sees it, the fucking vent. The second thing that drives a knife through everyone’s hearts. He hastens his steps towards the body scanner, he's been in here longer than he would like already. He hears boots running on top of the steel flooring close to the entrance, he holds his breath. The thumping gets louder but he can’t seem to pinpoint if it's from the left or right, just that it’s getting louder.

Deciding not to stand around and look like he’s not doing anything, he turns away from the door and jumps up onto the filthy podium. He can see his boot prints in the dust from when he was standing there previously before discovering your fate. His hand darts out and starts typing in his crew ID, the old machine groaning as it boots up. “Come on, come on, come on... Fucking switch on already you piece of shit!” as if the scanner could hear him it boots up, what used to be lime green lights settling on his form and so the program starts running.

Yoongi could see nothing, the scanner’s lights bouncing off his visor, barely able to see his own intel on the little black monitor in front of him. The whirling and beeping of the machine are deafening, drowning out the hurried footsteps he heard coming towards him. By the time he’s done, a simple 10 seconds he wishes never to experience again, he was climbing of the podium and sending his scan towards admin. Not waiting to see if the scan goes through, he goes running out of Medical while checking his right wrist for his remaining tasks. He heads east, thinking he’ll shortcut through cafeteria. There he bumps into a nervous Jungkook heading the same direction. They stood and stared at each other for what seemed hours. Yoongi could hear footsteps coming from south hallway, Jungkook’s head snapping towards it as well. Yoongi signals east and beckons Jungkook to follow and continues on with his journey. Weather Kook followed him or not, he doesn’t really care because he wasn’t going to look behind him.

Hoseok nearly ran head first into a stack of boxes when he entered Storage Bay. This room always gave him the creeps. Boxes of God-knows-what stacked high to the ceiling. He hates it, he hates it so much here. ‘I just want to go home’, he thinks to himself. ‘Where even is home? Do I have one? This place can’t be my home... right?’, his steps falter, inner monologue interrupted by movement. He swears he saw someone’s boot out the corner of his eye. “Buddy system Hobi, look for a buddy and stick by them”, he reminds himself, blinking away something wet from his eyes, not sure if it’s tears or sweat at this point. He slowly makes his way between unmarked boxes, vaguely remembering this is the path to the garbage shoot. He sees the silhouette of someone. His heart in his throat, he nears apprehensively, a yellow helmet coming to life. Jimin turns around and his mouth opens in horror when his eyes land on Hoseok so close to him. He goes tumbling to the floor, his arms thrown up in a defensive manner in the hopes it will make the killing blow less painful.

When nothing happens Jimin opens one eye and peaks through his arms. Hoseok just standing there waving his arms telling Jimin to get back on his feet. With a huff Jimin drags his body back into a standing position and eyes Hoseok warily. He dusts of his white spacesuit's pants, doing nothing but spreading the dust and grease over himself even more. Hoseok points towards the west, asking Jimin silently if he would go with. Jimin shakes his head and points east, he has tasks to do that side of the ship. Hoseok clasps his red hands together, contemplating if he should stick with Jimin or continue on his search for Taehyung. Lifting his right arm, he checks his task list. He needs to be at reactor. He waves to Jimin and leaves his yellow friend behind and continuous looking for Taehyung.

Jin leans back in the rickety chair inside security. The chair is missing two wheels and an arm rest but it’s the only comfort he can indulge in right now. He watches the security cameras in a bored haze. He was curious as to why Yoongi left Medical and went back to cafeteria and not come looking for him. Jin leans back as far as the chair will allow before hearing the plastic cracking. He didn’t like having his back turned to the doorway, much less the vent. He eyes the grated hole in the far corner away from him. It’s barely hidden in the shadows but he could still see the dry blood-stained metal in the low light. The room was practically empty except for a lone broken desk, document debris scattered on its top and the floor around it. He already searched through those notes; he still doesn’t know anything. If anything, he was even less wiser than what he was ten minutes ago. He turns back to the cracked monitors in front of him. He needed to find a way off this damned ship, even if it killed him while trying. He knew he had a family somewhere out there, he needed to get back to them. He watches on silently, his right wrist beeping red. He swears he could hear the creaking of metal on metal.

Jimin having turned his back on Hoseok, walked towards defences. The hallway felt longer and darker when he was alone. He could only hear his erratic breathing and his foot falls on the steel below him. He paused. The entrance of communications greeting him. He peered in but saw no one. The room was filthy. Nothing short of looking like a hurricane tore it apart. Electronic equipment shattered and broken litter the floor. Confusi9on clouded his brain, “What happened on this shi-?” A splitting headache seized him between his eyes at that very moment. He fell to his knees screaming himself hoarse. The feeling of hooks tearing his brain apart, membrane from membrane, he tries clutching at his helmet trying to pray it off of himself. Not soon after Jimin’s vision turns black, his body shutting down and his head bangs against the steel floor.

Jungkook walked quietly behind Yoongi, far enough to just see his elder’s boots in his line of vision. He wasn’t even sure if Yoongi knew he was still following him. He watched as they passed the ship’s gun room. It was more a laser shooter in Kookie’s eyes but he felt the time to bring up the debate of room names was not now. He looks down to his right wrist, red light beeping silently. He continues following Yoongi towards what looks like Navigation Room? Jungkook decides it was best to break off there and head into the oxygen maintenance room, his eyes following the cracking glass plant tank, from there he follows the banged-up pipes all along the walls. He remembers Hoseok saying something about cleaning out the filters here. He looks over his shoulder, hoping Yoongi would have paused and waited for him. No one but darkness greets him. With a shake of his head and shoulders he tries to calm himself down, he disappears deeper into the room in search of a small leaver.

He flicked open his left wrist, opening the small red map on his visor. He wonders if his brother has feasted yet, the idea makes his stomach rumble. He growls jealously at the idea, no, he needs to feed before he becomes unbearable, before he starts slipping up, before he gets caught. He goes for the easiest option, a low grumble of ‘Lights’ sets the mood just the way he likes it. Everyone plunges into darkness. All power gets cut in seconds, flashlights, wall lights, even monitor lights die.

Multiple running footsteps can be heard heading in his direction, he smiles and sticks to the boxes in storage. One set of footsteps are the closest to him, he focuses on the south hallway.

When Jimin comes to he realises he's on the floor, his face clammy and an incessant throbbing inside his head. Slowly he climbs back onto his feet, a shake of his shoulders makes himself feel dizzy, the feeling of vomit coming up his throat makes him turn green. After a few deep breaths Jimin tries to remember what he was doing, lost in thought standing in the even darker hallway. This makes him blink a few times, slowly realisation hits him, the faint blaring of an alarm ringing in his ears. He needs to head to Electrical Bay, hoping he chooses the right direction, he sets off.

Jungkook has never been scared of the dark, not that he can remember that, but he's never been plunged into this type of void before. His hands outstretched in front of him, making sure he won't bump into any walls on his way to see why the power system is failing. He calls out for Yoongi in desperation forgetting that they have no way to communicate with each other. He continues calling out regardless, some messed up way of soothing himself. His shin hits the cafeteria bench, he curses and bends down to rub away the pain. ‘Fucking stupid Kook, why are you even here? You’ve done nothing but make yourself look like an idiot, now you’re walking into shit as well! Fucking useless!’, his internal monologue deafens him from hearing footsteps approaching. The last thing Jungkook saw was sharp white teeth coming straight at him as he stood back up as the lights faded on.

All remaining members were seated at the dinning bench. One by one their visors opened and they quickly saw who was missing. Jungkook and Jin. The vacant seats mocking them.

“WHAT THE FUCK?! WHO THE FUCK KILLED JUNGKOOK? TELL ME NOW YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” Yoongi tried to jump from his seat but he struggled against his suit, as if he was glued to his chair. He was losing it, Kookie was right behind him. Right behind HIM. That means the killer was close by. It could have been him. It SHOULD have been him. He was to chicken shit to look out for Jungkook. He’s responsible for the loss of a crewmate. He breaks down, elbows slamming onto the table, black gloved hands flying to his hair and desperately starts pulling at his strands. Tears freely running down his face.

“Yoongi, it wasn’t Jungkook that I saw in there. I... I saw... Fuck... I saw Jin. He was... He was everywhere... I...”, Taehyung’s voice wavers, he’s staring at the table top but his eyes were watching something else entirely. Just blood, so much blood... was everywhere.

“Where TaeTae?”, Jimin wants to reach out towards his friend. Comfort him and clean his mind from the horrors he witnessed.

“Was in security. I didn’t see anything but I was with Taehyung. I had to go to reactor, Tae came with me so I wouldn’t be alone. He went right and I left and... now we’re here.”, Hoseok’s voice sounded lifeless. His skin was pale and ashy, dark rings decorated his eyes and his nose was raw and red.

“Jimin where were you?”, Namjoon’s eyes darts towards the yellow crewmate. Jimin quickly throws his hands in the air. “No, NO! It wasn’t me! Hoseok can confirm I was in storage and I went east towards defences. Hobi please tell them! There’s no way for me to get to security even with using the vents!” Jimin grabs at the sides of the dining table, his entire body shaking with unshed tears. “Hobi please!”

“Namjoon, he’s right. Even if it was... recent or not, there’s no way it could have been him.”, Hobi hangs his head, hoping he wasn’t making a mistake by defending Jimin.

“Where the fuck were you Namjoon? Huh? WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU MOTHERFUCKER?!”, Yoongi tries again to lunge over the table but still he was held to his chair. “YOU HAD IT OUT FOR HIM FROM THE GET GO! JUST ADMIT YOU FUCKING KILLED KOOK!” he was seeing red, the veins on his forehead and throat looking as if they will pop any second. “He has a point Namjoon... Where were you? I was in storage on my way to Electrical to check the switchboard and I didn’t see you in there”, Jimin tries to rub away one of the grease stains on his yellow glove, eyes refusing to look up.

“Yeah Joon, Taehyung and myself fixed the lights, you weren’t in Electrical Bay area at all.”, Hoseok’s the one with the pointed glare now.

“Why are you looking at me? I was back in administration, where the fuck were you Yoongi?” Namjoon was bringing up his defences, he puffed out his chest and tightened his hands into fists on top of the dull table. “I was busy in Navigation you fucker, WHY WERE YOU IN ADMIN AGAIN?”, Yoongi’s voice echoed all around them. Creaking of metal could be heard around them. The darkness filled with silence reminding the crewmembers where they were. A jarring reality compared to the screaming that engulfed them mere seconds ago. The scratchy robotic voice on the intercoms greeted them.

“Voting ends in 10 seconds” The faint blaring of an alarm sounds, slowly getting louder as the seconds tick by.

2 seconds was all it took. 2 seconds of making split-second eye contact and the crewmates were voting.

“1 vote Inconclusive”, no one was making eye-contact. Some breathing louder than others. Jimin could swear he heard Hoseok letting out a sob, or was it Taehyung?

“1 vote Yoongi”, Hearing this made him snap in Namjoon’s direction. “YOU MOTHERFUCKER, YOU THINK I WOULD KILL HIM? HUH? FUCK YOU, PRICK! YOU FUCKING MURDERER, FUCKING MONSTER!”, Yoongi was barely keeping himself together, feeling of rage taking over his being, that is till he hears the last casted voting announcement.

“3 votes Namjoon”, Yoongi breaks out in hysterical laughter. HIs voice bouncing back against the broke walls of the cafeteria. “Looks like you’ll be getting what you deserve after all!”

“You guys made a mistake, it’s not me. If you kick me out now, all of you will die. Please think about this, we can still go ba-”, “Like hell we are! Filthy scum trying to fool you all into trusting it!”, Yoongi was finally freed from his suit’s constraints to the bench. “Come on everyone, the votes have spoken.”, He stalks over to Namjoon, showing him to get up and start walking towards the airlock at the top of the cafeteria. Hoseok gets up and joins him in ushering Namjoon off the ship. Taehyung and Jimin remain at the table, refusing to partake.

Yoongi pulls the latch down, the solid metal doors sliding open with a hiss. With no protest Namjoon steps in, back still turned towards them as Yoongi pushes the latch back up. The doors creak and struggle to close, but seal after a few minutes. Hoseok has moved towards the windows looking out into the vacant space way outside. “This is for Jungkook. Rest in Hell.” With as much strength that Yoongi could muster he slammed his fist down on the eject button. His head barely had time to rest on the cold dirty metal of the airlock panel before their helmets started shutting again.

“Namjoon’s gone.” Those are the last words Yoongi heard pass Hoseok’s lips before they were sealed back into their spacesuits, voiceless. Little did Yoongi know he meant that his body disappeared.

Jimin was the last to leave the table this time. He was unsure of himself. Unsure if his crewmates made the right choice. His right arm beeped red, sighing he flicked open his task list. The flashing of the Reactor Room bouncing off his helmet visor. He didn’t even know which direction the rest of them went in. Slowly he got up, heading west. He heard faint footsteps getting louder the closer he got. The hallway was a mess, broken glass crunched under his boots. ‘Where did this even come from?’, His thoughts distracting him, not even noticing the creaking of metal on metal behind him.

Yoongi walks out of Electrical Bay with confidence, just finishing his tasks and not a soul knew he was in there. Deciding he should check out the security cameras and see where everyone was hiding, but before he could take a step towards the west side of the ship the alarms were blaring again. Oxygen was depleting, and fast. ‘Fuck!’, ignoring his original plan he made a dash for the administration room, hoping someone would already be at the top for the second half of the system reset. It was practically impossible to run into Admin. The number of boxes of files thrown everywhere had Yoongi nearly tripping five times just to get to the back of the room. Finally, he was able to get to the keypad, ripping the yellow sticky note off the monitor. He was squinting as much as he possibly could, barely able to make out the numbers. ‘Is that a six or an eight?’, smashing his thumb on the green button he got the code in with four seconds to spare. He didn’t even realise the depleting oxygen was making him dizzy. He stood in Admin for what felt like an hour, just taking deep breaths. “Where in the ever-loving fuck is everyone else?”, he asks this to himself out loud with no answer returned.

Jimin was a broken mess on the floor, not only did he get a fright when the alarm went off, but once he turned around to go towards the emergency, the doors sealed him in security hallway outside reactor. He pounded as much as his body could against the door, eventually cowering against the corner crying for help. He was convinced he was a goner. His eyes refused to look down the long empty and dark hallway. The only sounds around him the ticking timer of the doors, his sobs and the sound of dripping water.

When the alarm stopped screaming in his ears, not soon after the doors opening, Jimin was astonished that he was still alive. Counting his lucky starts he moved towards his final task in reactor. This room had more light than any other room on the ship, making Jimin squint for a few seconds trying to adjust his eyes to the brightness. Jimin stepped in a pool of water, the soft splash making him jump out of his skin. Jumping back, his eyes fall to the floor. But what Jimin sees might scar him for the rest of his life. He saw a red glove next to a red puddle. Jimin bends to pick it up but drops it instantly when he feels there was weight to it. He felts as if he was going to throw up again, his vision going double and he stumbles back, hitting the reactor door frame. “No, please no, not Hobi... Please not Hobi!”, His voice is scratchy to his own ears. His throat raw and painfully hot.

He heard the tapping of something wet hitting the top of his helmet. Slowly he lifted his head. His eyes were greeted with the horribly mangled body of his beloved elder handing from the wires dangling from the ceiling. Jimin not being able to tell the red blood apart from the red on Hoseok’s suit, he let out a deafening painful scream only his ears could hear and flicked his left arm, with panicked fingers he fumbles to press the report button on his suit.

One by one the visors open of the remaining crewmates. Jimin’s the last to open. Taehyung just lifts his hand and points at Jimin. “Yoongi, it was Jimin all along. I saw him, I caught him with Hoseok’s body. HE WAS STILL TRYING TO GET RID OF THE BLOOD ON HIS SUIT!”, Taehyung’s voice slowly raised into hysteria. Yoongi was confused, his head moving from Taehyungs direction and then Jimin’s and then back to Taehyung.

Jimin’s eyes widening, seeing how Taehyung could have seen this as a misunderstanding. “No! NO, IT WASN’T ME! Tae please you don’t understand what you saw! I found Hobi’s body there, I was freaking out BECAUSE HE WAS LITRALLY ON TOP OF ME IN THE CEILING! I wasn’t cleaning blood off of me I was trying to press my report button! Please this is just a huge misunderstanding, Yoongi, you believe me, right? Right?!”, Jimin’s eyes brimmed with tears, his words stumbling as he’s trying not to cry himself into hysterics while trying to plead for his life.

“Jimin... How... How could you?” Yoongi was speechless. It all made sense now. It was never Namjoon that killed Jungkook, it was Jimin. How did he not figure this out? He’s been quiet in every meeting. Used Taehyung as an alibi. He was in defences when he and Jungkook went to Navigation. Lights were killed and he could have easily offed Kookie behind his back. And now, Jimin wasn’t stopping the oxygen depletion because he was busy feasting on Hoseok’s body.

“Taehyung?”

“Yes?”

“Where were you this whole time?”

“I was busy in Weapons. Oxygen emergency popped up and I walked down to Oxygen Room and typed in the reset keycode.”

“And before that?”

“I saw Hoseok leaving cafeteria towards the west. You left south. Jimin stayed in cafeteria for a while, I stayed with him, but after a few minutes I decided to go do my last task so I left east towards weapons.”

Yoongi sat there for a long while, the digital timer in front of him placing pressure on him.

“Jimin?”

“Y-yes?...”

“Can you confirm anything Taehyung just said?”

“I-I can’t remember... Honestly I can’t! I left cafeteria going west, I didn’t see anyone passing me on the way back. As soon as I got into Security Hallway, all the doors shut on me. I went and hid! I thought I was going to die!”, Jimin was a blubbering mess at this point, he couldn’t see clearly, he could smell the blood on his suit drying.

“I’m not convinced... Die with the rest of your kind, monster. Your fake tears won’t work on me any longer!”

“NO WAIT!”, Jimin’s last plea fell on deaf ears. Taehyung and Yoongi placed their votes and Jimin had no other choice but to place his as well. The scratchy robotic voice lulled to life over the intercoms.

“1 vote Taehyung”, Taehyungs eyes widen at this, his eyes quickly darting between Jimin and Yoongi in panic.

“2 votes Jimin”, and at hearing his final fate Jimin wails. He screams and cries as loud as he could. Yoongi could feel the release on their suits from the bench and proceeded to walk towards the airlock. He pulled the latch down, the sealed doors opening with a creek and groan. Jimin refused to get up from his seat, holding on to the table as tightly as he could. He will make one last fight for his life.

Taehyung huffs at him. “You traitor. Hoseok trusted you. I trusted you. Every single one of us trusted you. How many did you kill while my back was turned to you? Huh?” Taehyung’s words cut through him like a knife, each lashing with his tongue made Jimin’s heart bleed. “Please Tae, please, please, please, it wasn’t me. What you saw was a misunderstanding! PLEASE YOU MUST BELIEVE ME, DON’T DO THIS!”, Taehyung walked up to Jimin and hooked his arms in under his armpits. He dragged the kicking and screaming man to the airlock. Yoongi was watching all of this unfold. His eyes never leaving Jimin, hoping that his disappointed face would burn into his mind. Taehyung threw Jimin on the ground in the middle of the airlock as if he weighed nothing. There Jimin stayed on his knees, elbows on the ground hunched in on himself, quietly sobbing.

Taehyung nodded in Yoongi’s direction, signalling him to do it. Without thinking twice, Yoongi pushes the latch up, waiting for the old doors to seal back up. The last words Yoongi hears from Jimin are, ‘It wasn’t me I swear’. He pauses, his finger just above the eject button. “Yoongi, do it. Do it so we can go home.”, Taehyung’s voice sounds stern, Yoongi follows through. He joins Taehyung by the window to watch Jimin disappear into space.

The first thing Jimin feels is cold. Extremely cold. He feels nothing at the same time, just his body floating in nothing. He tries to hold his breath for as long as he possibly can. As his body twists and turns away from the ship, his sight quickly fading, the last thing Jimin witnessing is Yoongi’s body against the window. Soon followed by a large splatter of blood and his lifeless body falling to the floor of the cafeteria. Jimin closes his eyes in a final goodbye, a single frozen tear stuck to his cheek as the void swallows him whole.

[artemisfit]

my reasons to lose weight

One thing i did when I decided to start losing weight was to write down one reason to lose for every pound of my goal weight. I want to be 137 lbs? I wrote 137 reasons to lose the weight to get there.

I want to preface this by saying that these reasons are just my personal reasons for wanting to lose weight, and they have no bearing on and hold no judgement  for anyone else who might read the list. I do not judge anyone for where they are at in their life physically. We are all on our own path. That may sound really patronizing and flighty but it’s true. That being said, for those who suffer with negative body image, some of these reasons might be triggering for that, so please read on with that in mind. 

I don’t even know why I’m posting all of these in a place where other people can see them rather than just keeping them to myself, but I know that the actual process of writing a reason for every pound of my goal weight is something that I found greatly encouraging, so maybe it’ll help someone else?

So without further ado, my reasons to lose weight will be beneath the cut, just because to have them just typed out would make this a very long post. 

To stop hating how I look

To be able to look at my reflection in a full-length mirror without launching into a depressive episode

To be able to look at my own image during a video call without wanting to turn off my camera and hide

To be able to wear the clothes I want and look and feel good in them

To feel attractive and confident

To own my body instead of allowing my body to own me

To be able to enjoy food without being a victim of my appetite

To finally feel beautiful for once in my life

To have clear skin and a clean body

To be able to go up stairs or escalators without running out of breath

To get rid of the stretch marks on my skin

To potentially lessen my anxiety and depression

To be able to wake up at 5 in the morning and feel refreshed

To be the type of person who runs when stressed, not the type to eat her feelings

To never have to wear shapewear ever again

To know the strength that my body is capable of

To look like my own personal motivational photo

To not hate being in front of a camera because I know I’ll look fat in a photo

To treat my body with the respect it deserves

To hear the comments and compliments from friends/family/acquaintances 

To be able to walk around a room in underwear or a dressing gown and feel sexy or at least not self conscious

To see the lower number on the scale at the doctor’s office and not feel like I’m being judged by the nurse

To look good in athletic tights

To be able to stop comparing myself to every girl that passes by (or worse, to my friends)

To be light enough for friends to pick me up

To get to a point where being “what I eat” doesn’t feel like an insult

To be able to wear form fitting clothes without bumps or rolls

To get rid of the bump at the top of my spine and improve my posture

To be able to go swimming without wanting to put a t-shirt on over my swimsuit

To potentially get over my fear and hatred of going shopping in person

To stop constantly thinking people are talking about me and how fat I am

To have more energy

To be more flexible

To not lose my breath after even minimal exertion

To be able to wear a dress without my thighs chafing so bad I get a rash

To get rid of my double chin and perhaps the size/jutting of my actual chin

To have a thinner face over all in addition to a thinner body

To know what having abs feels like

To be able to wear high waisted jeans that zip all the way up and don’t have that pulled gap by the button

To be able to wear “one size fits all” clothing

To be able to playfully sit in a friend’s lap without feeling like I’m going to crush their legs

To improve the strength of my heart

To be confident enough to do karaoke

To be confident enough to wear shorts and sundresses in summer

To be able to do yoga and pilates

To get back into karate or some other type of martial arts

To be able to go to the gym and not feel like everyone’s staring and judging me

To be more active like I was when I was a kid

To be able to run a 5k

To be able to delete the “weight loss” and “motivation” boards on my Pinterest because I don’t need them anymore

To never see a scale number above 150 again

To be able to wear single digit clothing sizes

To maybe see if losing weight helps me wear heels without as much pain

To get rid of the roll-over on my stomach

To have more confidence when it comes to any kind of romance

 To never have to write down “lose weight” as a new years resolution ever again

To be able to fully close my coats and zip up my leather jackets

To have the only muffin top in my life be on actual muffins

To have longer, healthier hair, skin, and nails because my body is clean and healthy and can promote those things more easily

To not feel lethargic and lazy and like a slob all the time

To cry because I lost weight not cry because I gained it

To have my watches and bracelets fit perfectly without leaving marks – same for my rings

To confirm that I do actually have a smaller waist than it currently looks like I do

To lower my risk for health problems later in life

To get rid of the bulk on my thighs – I’ll never have a thigh gap but I can at least not have actual turkey legs

To be able to walk or run 4 miles every morning and not feel like I’m going to die

To stop being so utterly and constantly self-conscious and full of hatred about my own body

To not worry that the guy delivering my takeaway is judging me when I open the door

To look like someone who matches that “London life aesthetic”

To not fear stepping on the scale

To never hear my dad telling me I’ve gained weight again

To be able to encourage my mom in her own weight loss journey

To have thinner, more graceful fingers

To not be the fat friend

To be able to wear sexy, lacy lingerie and feel good in it and not have to buy it in a bigger size and then still be too self-conscious to wear it

To be able to be impressed by my own before and after pics

To not be afraid to see my own naked body when I get out of the shower

To be able to say that I did this, that I achieved my goal and changed my own life

To look good in baggy clothes, not like I’m trying to hide behind them

To enjoy exercise and feel the endorphins it produces

To be confident enough to go for nights out in London and have fun

To be able to buy a whole new wardrobe without feeling like I can’t buy certain things because there’s no way that they would look good on me

To have a higher percentage of muscle than fat

To feel like in at least one area I’m in control of my life and not letting it control me

To sleep better and wake up feeling rested

To hear the comments from my dad’s family in Egypt

To be able to dance around my apartment and not be worried that I left the blinds up

To feel more comfortable in various social situations

To not think that a guy who may or may not be looking at me from across the room is thinking negative things about my looks or my weight

To be able to fit into my fame & partners dress should I ever have an occasion to wear it

To stop feeling so desperate to find new, fad, or quick diets that probably wouldn’t work anyways

To be able to wear clothes like Julia from the magicians

To not feel like no matter what my makeup looks like I’m still ugly

To see the final goal weight number on the scale

To feel like I am worth the work and the effort and maybe even actually believe it

To be able to wear crop tops should I want to

To look good in any youtube videos I decide to make

To be able to make a youtube video or a series of videos at some point about how I lost weight and kept it off

To be able to tuck shirts in to my jeans or skirts and not immediately untuck it because I hate how it looks

To never have to spend hours looking up “weight loss” anywhere on the internet ever again

To feel my clothes get more and more loose

To know what it feels like to have a flat stomach

To not feel like I’m faking whenever I wear something stylish or remotely form-fitting

To be “that hot new phd student”

To have the possibility of a stranger telling me I’m pretty like they do my friends when we’re out (this one is quite selfish but I acknowledge that it’s still a reason)

To get to the point where eating healthy and drinking a gallon of water a day isn’t something I have to remind myself to do, it’s just second nature

To get to a point where I love myself, my whole self, rather than just hating the body I feel like I’m stuck in.

To get to the point where i love exercise and look forward to doing it multiple times a week

To eat intuitively and for enjoyment instead of eating recklessly and unhealthily

To know that I am what i have worked hard to become

To not feel so terrified about changing clothes when others are around

To have slimmer, toned legs

To have a good, shapely bum

To have my hair be my biggest concern when getting ready in the morning instead of “what clothes can I wear to hide my body today?”

To be able to take pictures of my body that will help inspire me and may in turn inspire others should I share them

To see the looks on my friends’ and family’s faces when I get back after being away for a while

To hear the comments from my friends and classmates

To stop hiding behind the camera all the time and be happy to stand in front of it

To stop the thighs of my jeans from wearing out so quickly

To be able to actually live in my body rather than just have it be the thing that takes my head from room to room

To stop feeling envious over the bodies of my friends (I know this is a toxic thing to do/think/live with and I want to get ride of this urge)

To not turn out like a lot of my family

To look more like the girl I used to be when I was a kid and to do her right/do her proud

To see more of the actual shape of my face (do I have good cheekbones? do I have a jawline that could cut a man?)

To be confident enough to go and do my running outside rather than feeling too awkward like people are going to stare and then just using a treadmill.

To get to the point where I know enough about nutrition and my body to be able to listen to it and give it what it needs, not just what I think I want

To get rid of some of the emotional and mental blocks that my physicality has built up for me which prevent me from doing the things I want to do and being the person that I want to be

To have a healthy relationship with food, with exercise, with myself, and with my mental image of myself.

To change the way I think about and talk about myself, to be less self deprecating and more proud

To be able to look at my own body and pictures of myself and find myself sexy and attractive

To be able to buy clothes in stores and not worry that they won’t fit when I get home and try them on

To get rid of the back rolls and actually see some definition in my shoulder blades

To see the look on old friends’ faces (and maybe even more so on those who weren’t friends) when they see how much I’ve changed

To prove people wrong

To prove myself wrong

To be the me that I pretend to be in my fantasies and daydreams

To be more myself, fully and completely, uninhibited and unrestrained

[ghostie-hoe]

PLL THE PERFECTIONISTS 1x01 RECAP & THEORIES

So the episode opens with Sofia Carson’s monologue introducing the theme of the show - perfectionism and how the desperation for perfection has lead someone to snap under pressure and kill.

The monologue is talking about prestigious students at the University, so we can be lead to believe that the person who killed Nolan is amongst them - a student. I’d say, let’s keep an open mind and not rule out Dylan, Caitlin and Ava just yet.

In the next scene, Alison is in a Uber on her way to Beacon Heights, claiming that she doesn’t know anyone in town. We then see Alison entering her new home - there’s a sound and suddenly she’s a character in a horror film calling out “Hello?” And of course she checks the basement. It’s easy to fall back into old fears after two years of a safe, AD-free life. Mona then appears out of nowhere holding a knife and box of pie. Classic Mona. Creepy. Alison doesn’t seem to surprised to see Mona, they make small talk. Alison asks Mona “What are you doing here?” and She explains lightly that Mary and Alex escaped her dungeon (without confirming those words) and then moves onto say that she does GAME DESIGN for Hotchkiss. GAME DESIGN.

Let’s just throw back to the original show where Mona was addicted to the game - she became a master at the game and even admired Alex’s board game. In other words she was unhealthily fascinated by it. Why is nobody bringing up Mona doing Game design when we know now that she may have been communicating with someone through mirrors and is in the house where this state of the art security system is located? Link? Coincidence? There are no coincidences in Rosewood therefore no coincidences in Oregon. Mona talking to Alison about fresh starts and trust and Alison expresses wanting to leave the old mean girl behind her and help the kids and Mona replies “You will. I know it.” Mona already knows something. She brought Alison here for a reason knowing that she’d be able to help. “Allison’s determined as she ever was, don’t you think?” I’m not gonna be surprised if Mona is talking to her other personality (more on that later).

Alison and Mona walking to campus together and Alison brings up Taylor Hotchkiss to which Mona says “lovely girl” and Alison gets a little suspicious about the timeline of Mona being in Beacon Heights after Taylor committed suicide and not during. Mona always has an answer for everything “I read up on her” she claimed. From this, I believe that Mona knows Taylor is alive. Mona just knows everything.

Alison begins her first day at Beacon Heights by signing her name on a digital board and this full scene has How to get away with murder vibes. We first meet the mains in this scene. Alison launches into conversation about one of her favourite books by Agatha Christie ‘And then there were none’

Ten strangers, apparently with little in common, are lured to an island mansion off the coast of Devon by the mysterious U.N.Owen. Over dinner, a record begins to play, and the voice of an unseen host accuses each person of hiding a guilty secret. That evening, former reckless driver Tony Marston is found murdered by a deadly dose of cyanide.

The tension escalates as the survivors realise the killer is not only among them but is preparing to strike again… and again...

Marlene always chooses literature that has significance to the story - to her characters. So, let’s say our island mansion is Beacon Heights, who has been lured to Beacon Heights? Alison. As far we can tell as we’re only one episode into the story, nobody has been accused of having guilty secrets - however, Nolan was blackmailing Caitlin. Our Tony Marston is Nolan Hotchkiss, the first and one of many people to be murdered and the killer is amongst them, meaning the killer must be one of the main characters we were introduced to, Dylan, Caitlin , Ava, Dylan’s boyfriend, Caitlin’s secret boyfriend or someone we haven’t yet been introduced to in Alison’s class. At this point, Taylor could’ve murdered her own brother.

Dylan is called on to talk about a theme in the book and he chooses isolation. “The author deliberately picks this remote location so the characters can escape themselves. It’s part of their punishment.” Let’s take note of the significance of the mains answers. Dylan talking about isolation may have significance to his role in the story or his own secrets. Is Dylan out? Does he feel isolated?

We then have Ava who claims that Dylan is always right to avoid answering the answer because she didn’t have an answer. She then goes onto say “Well it’s about dichotomy of something and nothing.” A reflection of how Ava feels about herself knowing that she’s a real person but nothing connotes her self esteem? Or even the whole Nolan - Ava - Caitlin - situation. She then admits that she didn’t read the book because she was too busy focusing on growing her YouTube channel, her outlet for paying her tuition.

And then we have Caitlin. “The author wasn’t subtle. She named a character justice. It comes down to, well, is it okay to murder a murderer?” Caitlin isn’t a subtle person as we can see from the later scenes where she speaks of being inspired by her fantasy to get rid of someone to Alison and then describing how the core 3 could murder Nolan, and it happened in the exact way she said. Caitlin goes on to to say that she would hurt someone that hurt someone she loves. Nolan then says “Don’t worry babe, nobody would mess with me.” Now, Caitlin turns to look at Nolan before he reassures her that nobody would hurt him. We find out later in the episode that Nolan is blackmailing Caitlin with information about an affair between one of her mothers and another person. Little hint that Caitlin wouldn’t hesitate to hurt Nolan for destroying her family - and their perfectionism dynamics?

And finally, Nolan. “Paybacks a bitch. Characters got what they deserved. They did terrible things, they got terrible things done to them. Thought you’d appreciate that world view, Miss Dilaurentis.”

So first of all, Nolan obviously has information on Alison’s history because ‘missing dead girl turns up alive’ would make serious headlines but it seems a little deeper than that. I’d say his insider is Mona. It’s possible that this has significance to the other girls for partaking in bullying ‘Loser Mona’ the Jenna Thing etc. Possibly hinting at Alison coming back and being tormented by Alex and “Elliot”, the insemination. And we all know that seeing a dead body in PLL doesn’t always mean that character is always dead, this could be Nolan’s plan. Fake his death, Make it look extremely convincing ie. a body. One of my followers suggested that Nolan could’ve had a Nolan mask made (not shocking in the PLL universe) and this statement is him talking about his plan to kill people who deserve it in his mind because “people did terrible things and had terrible things done to them.” After saying that the camera pans to Alison, Dylan and Ava. Interesting. His victims maybe?

After the class ends, Alison pulls Nolan to the side and asks Why he thinks she knows about payback and he answers with “My mother is gonna tell you that you’re here because you remind her of my sister. It’s more than that.” Weird answer to bring the Taylor and Alison comparison into it. Rather, Nolan knows that Taylor is alive, faked her death. An early hint that Taylor isn’t dead. You can’t recruit someone because they’re blonde and remind you of your blonde daughter, there’s more to Taylor in Claire’s eyes that reminds her of Taylor. Was Taylor a mean girl?

The group are walking out of the main building whilst Nolan is trying to confirm Caitlin’s attendance at Claire’s dinner party and Caitlin claims that she has plans to which Nolan replies with “Can’t imagine what would be more important than you showing up for me” Showing up for me? That’s not something you normally say to your girlfriend (But Caitlin isn’t Nolan’s girlfriend, she’s being blackmailed into it so that he can date Ava without his mother knowing) Then Nolan talks about the papers that Dylan has to write for Nolan and Ava because he’s the smartest. Nolan has something on him for him to say “I’ll do yours but I can’t do Ava’s” then talks about another academic interest of his. So, Ava is our Hanna equivalent, possibly secretly very smart, interested in her social media presence and was doing fashion design during the monologue. Dylan is our Spencer, academically focussed. Ava and Nolan leave and Caitlin expresses to Dylan how she thought things would be different this year and Dylan asks “Because of Taylor? He didn’t even cry at her funeral” Nolan didn’t cry because he knew that his sister wasn’t dead. She’s alive. That’s why he didn’t cry. Also, it’s socially acceptable not to be crying at a funeral because everyone grieves differently. Caitlin then goes on to ask if she can help him with anything that Nolan has on him and Dylan claims that they’re all his fake friends and they hang out with him to make it look like he has “the perfect posse” Caitlin seems to want to make a real friendship out of the fake friendship, with Dylan anyways. We then get the scene of Dylan walking away, a pan to the camera ontop of the building and a birds eye view shot of Caitlin on her own and people walking in different directions around her. I LOVE THE WAY THIS IS FILMED. Camera cuts to Mona walking through campus and Alison sneaking up on her and startling her.

Alison mentions Nolan’s name and then about how her and Alison were talking all “Summer camp” about fresh starts and Mona doesn’t look surprised but asks “What did Nolan say” instead of giving her a straight forward answer. Mona claims that she didn’t tell anyone information about Alison and that Nolan doesn’t belong because he’s extremely smart. Nolan is now the Mona equivalent. She then says that by her calculations, Nolan could be dangerous.

Alison grading plagiarised papers against the plagiarism policy, at this point we need Spencer Hastings. The song in the background playing about wanting to be out of the familiar, can you help me please? I want to know. Significant? Why is the word ‘meticulous’ being highlighted for us to see. We could see Alison grading papers against that polity and talking to her students about it and we’d understand what’s happened but instead we are shown the scene of highlighting the word ‘meticulous’.. the shot of Alison’s glasses on the page gave me the PLL The Great Gatsby poster vibes (The one with the glasses and the eyes, saying ‘someone’s watching you’ )

Nolan has something on Dylan, his boyfriend questions him on writing papers for Ava and Nolan and he changes the subject to ‘I promised myself I wouldn’t get serious about anyone when I came to college, but the day I met you that changed.”

So then we have Caitlin, naked, laying on her bed doing her homework and her boyfriend comes over to her and they start making out. He strangely looks like Toby from his side profile and he has a British accent. Again, the partners asking why they associate with Nolan and we are given an answer. Nolan appears and starts talking about how even though Caitlin is seeing someone, to the outside world she and Nolan are still a happy couple. He then proceeds to blackmail her with a photo of one of her mothers having an affair with a man and Nolan says that he doesn’t want to have to ruin her political career. “Guess two moms don’t always make a right.” Wow. Emison? I love Emison. Caitlin feels comfortable enough to confide in her boyfriend about Nolan’s blackmailing and suggests that he talk to Nolan and find away to keep Caitlin’s family out of it and not ruin her political career. If this guy loves Caitlin, could he be the one for this very reason to murder Nolan?

Ava working hard on her YouTube channel. Nolan suggests that she takes the easy route and hire someone else to do the hard work. When you come from privilege, this is a common thing to say. He seems to downplay Ava’s ability, getting Dylan to write her paper and now saying that she should get someone else to do the hard work. Ava is a strong character, she stands up for herself and claims that she wants to take care of her own branding. She wants to reclaim her surname Jalali, and have people think of her not her father. Nolan constantly talks about his perfect family image, or at least how it looks to outsiders and claims that Ava will be somebody just by being herself.

We finally met Claire Hotchkiss, as Thebestplltheories pointed out the way she’s filmed to be looking down at Nolan, promoting her power. Claire opens with how she saw Ava and that she doesn’t want him involved with the Jalali family. He’s on the right track with Caitlin. Claire wanted Nolan to lead an extra practice and Nolan objects claiming that he wants time to himself. A healthy thing but his mother says that he can handle it because he always does.

Claire takes a phone call. “I want active surveillance of BH5.” “That’s your son.” BH5? Is Nolan under some kind of brand name or is BH5 the name for the group Ava, Caitlin, Dylan, Nolan And...? Why would Claire want to watch her son? That’s a little strange. I have a feeling that it has nothing to do with Ava.

We then have Alison telling Ava that this “extremely thoughtful and layered “ essay wasn’t written about Ava, and asks if Nolan or Dylan wrote it. The conversation then turns to Ava’s absent father and mother. Ava tells Alison that “My dad had to run, my mum chose to bail.” Which we are then taken to a flashback of an FBI agent interrogating Ava about her parents leaving and Ava claiming that they left her with everything - They did leave money though. Ava then tells Alison that if she wants to help, she should leave her and her friends alone and let it go. And again, Mona is watching. Mona is always watching. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mona has some device that allowed her to hear that conversation.

The party scene. Alison is standing by the window looking down at the party below - Caitlin and Nolan look heated with Caitlin attempting to storm off and Nolan grabbing her arm to pull her back. The camera then pans to Claire joining Alison by the window, “it’s quite the view isn’t it. When my daughter was little she loved to sit up here and watch our parties.” Then Claire starts talking about why she was impressed by Alison and wanted to recruit her. Her academic record? - Wait, girl goes missing and misses most of high school, to my knowledge doesn’t go to college.. pretty impressive academic record. Her essay, and her mean girl to mentor journey. So, Claire sees a comparison between Taylor and Alison and mentions, mean girl to mentor journey. This says to me that Taylor was probably a mean girl. Alison undermining her teen years as nothing to the pressure that the BHU students are under? Umm Alison you literally bullied many students; one of which had a personal vendetta against you and drove you to fake your death for years whilst she proceeded to torture the other girls and then when they thought that was over, your sister took over and built a real life dollhouse where she tortured your friends whilst you were behind bars. Not to mention that this again persisted with your ex husband who was under a fake identity and inseminated you with your fiancé?? Wife??? eggs. Yes, these people so have it harder than you and the other girls. So, then Claire proceeds to talk about just how similar Taylor is to Alison and how the death of her daughter motivated her to keep her students safe. I.e the security system, but suicide usually indicates a mental health problem and I’ve not yet seen any posters up about mental health or even talk of mental so far.. Mona and Claire really keep reassuring that Alison is safe at BHU.

The whole Dylan - Nolan situation. Dylan sees Andrew and Nolan socialising and asks Nolan why he’s talking to Andrew to which Nolan says that he hasn’t told him anything and that Dylan is hot when he’s angry. Dylan then says that he doesn’t want to see him angry. Question raised that I answered one of my followers last night, Am I under the impression that Nolan is biesexual? Honestly, I believe that Nolan is a manipulator, a toxic one who stops at nothing to get what he wants. He could very well be a closet bisexual (I’m a bisexual myself) but I think that he’s using Dylan’s sexuality against him if anything. Claire wanting Caitlin and Nolan to be next to each other in the perfectionism photo. Ava then subtly reaches for Nolan’s hand which he pulls away as his mother makes eye contact with Ava. She knows.

Alison joins Caitlin on the (bridge?) and compliments her on her provocative insight paper and says that it encouraged to take a look into her file. Alison brings up her opposition to capital punishment and that Caitlin almost made her believe that murder could be justified. Then shady Caitlin jokes that her paper was a little too inspired by her fantasy to get rid of someone - Nolan. Who ends up murdered at the end of the episode. We know by now that Alison DiLaurentis doesn’t take lies and bullshit. She saw right through Caitlin and Nolan’s happy couple image and offers her help. Caitlin then tells her that her asking questions will complicate things. Alison tells her that she knows about manipulation and compares her past self to Nolan. Caitlin tells Alison that Nolan will do whatever it takes to ensure that his mother knows she has the perfect son.

Mona leaves a couple that she’s touring to watch Nolan trek into the woods whilst she sips her wine. We see Nolan check for a BHU connection? There isn’t one and he proceeds to take a phone call. This means that there’s a system on the smartphones, possibly just Nolan’s that notifies someone - Miss Hotchkiss? Whoever Mona is working for? about what he’s doing on his phone - recording calls and messages. There’s no connection in the woods. He’s talking to Taylor, and we can’t hear her side of the conversation but this is how imagine it

Nolan: I need to see you

Taylor: Nolan, we’ve talked about this. It’s too dangerous. Mum’s close to knowing

Nolan: Yesh I was afraid of that. She’s ordered surveillance on me and she’ll be watching Ava too

Taylor: Break up with your girlfriend I’m bored.. (Kidding)

Taylor: She never gives it a break, this is exactly I did what I did.. You need to leave Ava. You need to protect her from our mother

Nolan: We need to meet

After this, Alison is talking to Dylan about his talent with words and Dylan says that that’s what it takes to be here. Alison then proceeds to bring up Nolan, how she knows about him and Ava. Asking why he’s manipulating Dylan into doing their papers. We get a flashback of Dylan and Nolan talking about how Nolan took a subject he wasn’t interested in to make conversation with his mother at family dinners. He constantly strives to impress her. Dylan gets envious and brings up how his family are far away therefore he doesn’t share that luxury and Nolan brings up Andrew. And then Nolan manipulates Dylan into cheating on Andrew. Alison knows that game “I know this is important to you, so you can tell me that you wrote those papers or goodbye to music hunny.” Wasnt quite like that but they share a moment when Dylan explains that he came from a small town and he wasn’t accepted for being “different” AKA gay and that music was his escape. It gives him a purpose.

Ava deserves so much better. We know that scene was staged but, I still feel for her because he died with her not knowing that he was protecting her.

Alison researching the Hotchkiss family. That clever and beautifully shot scene where we see her reflection in the laptop screen next to Taylor. This is like all the mirror scenes on PLL such as when the girls search Mona’s room for clues and we see half of Spencer’s face through the crack of the mirror - representing Alex. I genuinely hope there’s no more secret siblings.

Who followed Nolan to Taylor’s hideout? As Nolan enters the gateway, a white car parks up in the drive. Who is in that car?

Taylor is alive. That much was obvious. Nolan and Taylor are talking about how Nolan broke up with her to protect her. Taylor has a system where she monitors the BHU security system and Taylor claims that it can be proved that they’re using Beacon Guard to spy on a select few students. Nolan claims to know someone that they can trust - Alison ? Mona? .

Ava calls a meeting between herself, Dylan and Caitlin about putting a stop to Nolan’s manipulation. Going to Alison’s faculty - with Alison to take him down. Then comes the conversion of Killing Nolan

Caitlin: “I have fantasised about him drying in lots of different ways.”

Dylan: “Agatha Christie wasn’t wrong you guys. Murder can be justified.”

Ava: “Yeah But that’s just fantasy.”

Dylan: Drowning in that pool of his

Ava: “Heart arrack whilst he’s hooking up with some dumb ass bitch.”

Caitlin: “That’s inspired.”

Ava: Yuh, by recent events.”

Caitlin: “We push him off the roof. And it gives him a second or two to think about dying before he’s empaled on the spikes at the bottom.” Then there’s a rustle. Someone heard that conversation.

Mona in her car saying to the mirror. Who is she talking to by the way? “I think I’m doing a really good job, don’t you?” And then Alison fully parallels Hanna by smacking her car bonnet. “WHY AM I REALLY HERE?” Damn Ali D chill out. And then Alison is in Mona’s car talking about how it’s not just Nolan and his mother and Taylor could be her doppelgänger? You aren’t Elena sweetie. The physical similarities? Selected before Mona knew what she looked like. That’s not true though is it Mona? Alison saying what we’re all thinking and a little hint from Marlene here “Did you learn nothing from Rosewood, there are no coincidences.” Mona launches into this story of how Taylor cracked under the pressure and that’s why Alison is here, to help people like her and that’s all we get from that conversation

Another birds eye view. Somebody Is watching the three amigos walk together. “Maybe if there wasn’t a Nolan we’d be friends.” Taking a moment to refer back to the Agatha Christie novel “One amongst them is the killer.” All three want to him to disappear. The song as they all leave and turn back “Always said I was a good kid.” “Always said I had a way with words.” Significantly the camera focuses on Dylan at this point. He is the smartest one. Nolan is on the roof, watching them walk away. Nolan on the roof, “Sorry I’ve been an asshole to you.” Okay personally, I can’t rule out Caitlin yet. Whose to say that the scene where she walks away happens around like 5 minutes before or 10? Giving her time to get up to the roof. We have no timeline here. It could’ even be Mona. It’s unclear. He confirms that it’s not only about him, Taylor’s alive and they need help. Who would they need help from? It’s someone who’s Nolan has been horrible to but he needs their help. Alison lives in Taylor’s house so it’s plausible that Taylor wrote that “They’re watching you” message and covered it in wallpaper or Claire covered it. So we don’t actually see Nolan fall. We don’t see the timeline. Whose to know that someone didn’t just stumble across this and didn’t see it physically happen in front of them. Ava has the most emotional reaction, Mona is extremely casual and Caitlin appears and looks at Jeremy. Jeremy. Hmm. Okay, so Ava and Dylan are gonna suspect Caitlin. The death happened in the exact way, Caitlin imagined after all. There’s a few ways this can go. A few different theories.

1. I saw a post on here yesterday where someone was comparing the bell tower deaths to Nolan falling off the roof. Marion also was pushed off the roof by Bethany. It’s an occurring theme to be pushed off a roof in this show. Marion, Ian off the bell tower and Charlotte. Mona was involved in two of these. This can be enough to suspect Mona. It’s in her character after all. Plus, Mona could’ve done it on orders of whoever she’s communicating with through mirrors

2. The conversation on the roof didn’t actually happen. Nolan lured someone up to the roof, somehow got them to agree to wear a Nolan mask and shoved them off the roof. He was the one that overheard Caitlin’s fantasy and recreated it to make the other two suspect her. He will now spend his days in hiding with his sister, cracking the mystery of the security system and such

3. The timeline isn’t clear. Caitlin had many shady moments in the first episode. She was loud about her fantasy to make Nolan disappear and expressed it on multiple occasions i.e “if someone hurt someone I love then yeah, I’d hurt them back.” telling Alison was a little too inspired by her fantasy to get rid of someone, Nolan and saying that she imagines Nolan dying in many ways, and the way that she described actually happened. Now, just because it seems a little obvious doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen. Nolan watches them all depart whilst he’s standing on the roof. Caitlin could’ve met him on the roof around 10 minutes later where she then pushed him because she believes that murder CAN be justified. She was one of the last people to turn up outside the university to see Nolan’s body after all.

The Mona theory may not add up, if she is communicating with someone through the mirrors as she’s asking “What the hell just happened. Was this our fault?” A person in a big room full of security things answers her telling her to go to her safe place. See, this can be interpreted in various ways - Mona has a personality disorder - This has never been said OUT LOUD. But she could really be talking to her other personality asking if this is our fault then being told to go to her a safe place, something therapists promote. But if she is communicating then, it can’t really make sense for that to Mona killing Nolan.

[sunnunderthesun]

A remarkable chat with a female Covid volunteer

Last week, I came across a digital journal on Internet Archive. It contains a woman's detailed account of trying to help sick people in the cruelest hours of the pandemic in a developing country which, the writer states, is dangerous for anyone who's not a man belonging to the majority group. I got in touch with her to learn more about her experiences as a female Covid volunteer in such a country. In the following talk between her and me, I have referred to her as 'Volunteer' to respect her privacy as requested by her.

Interviewer: What was your purpose behind writing a journal that emphasizes on the failures of your government during a pandemic?

Volunteer: I had to do something to remain sane being one of the victims of the insane patriarchal ruler mishandling a pandemic. But my journal isn't just about the powers that be leaving us vulnerable. I have tried to highlight how we the people are equally responsible for our own vulnerability, pandemic or not. I hope it will motivate people to do the right thing instead of just trying to make a life for themselves and their respective families within a bubble that tunes out the problems of the real world because of our selfish choices.

Interviewer: According to your journal, you let people think that you were a male volunteer instead of correcting them. Would you like to talk about that?

Volunteer: It's hard to explain that to somebody who does not live in the society I am a part of. You'll hardly ever meet any woman here who has not experienced sexual harassment in her whole life. When the pandemic was at its worst many of these women let their own fears take a back seat to help their community because the ones in power couldn't care any less about us common people. I wasn't one of those brave women. I did help people but I pretended not to be a woman. I didn't let them think I was a man either. It was them who assumed my gender was male for reasons I don't know. They couldn't see me. They couldn't hear my voice. They couldn't know my real name or what state I was from. They just got the informations they needed from me via text messages. I felt miserable when they asked me to relay something essential in voice. Some of my fellow female volunteers were being constantly harassed by creeps – people from stores or delivery men – who they had to ring up for information on supplies to support the patients' families in desperate search of oxygen cylinders and vital medicines that became extremely difficult to procure. I was too anxious and exhausted to deal with sexual predators while volunteering amid a pandemic which seemed endless then. A few students had to change their phone numbers to get rid of the stalkers their selfless acts as a volunteer had exposed them to. It was the same story with many women and girls helping people through the internet. It's never easy to interact with complete strangers, risking your safety, when you know you live where victims don't receive any protection from people or institutions who are supposed to help them get justice. You know, it's difficult to talk about it all here in a few words. This isn't even the tip of the iceberg.

Interviewer: You have written that you faced sexism despite trying your best to keep your identity hidden. How do you think the person who had bothered you found out that you were a woman?

Volunteer: I don't know! His behaviour with me became inappropriate the moment he figured out that I was a woman. Thinking about it is making me mad right now! More on the kinds of difficulties I had faced during that time is in my journal for people to read if they ever come across it. Don't advertise it.

Interviewer: How did you get the information to help people if you couldn't talk to the sources yourself?

Volunteer: As I must have written in my journal or somewhere else, we had a group of volunteers verifying 'leads' and another group sharing the verified informations. I worked with both of those groups as well as a few people in politics, with the right connections, who were personally interacting with independent volunteers and helping them to a remarkable extent. Not everyone's bad, you know!

Interviewer: How did the population size of your country impact your work?

Volunteer: Well, when you have dealt with the sufferings of a number of people for hours you become numb to the plight of the rest of the people you must help. So, I turned into a machine after a while of volunteering. I wish people waited to get married or pregnant until the severity of the pandemic was gone.

Interviewer: Are you still in your country or have you migrated to a better place now?

Volunteer: The grass is greener on the other side. I understand why a lot of my fellow volunteers, especially the ones from the minority groups, wanted to leave this country. But, escaping a place isn't a solution for its problems if you want to make it safe for the family you leave behind.

(Edited for clarity)

[tamtam-go92]

Writing Challenge #002 (by tiftswritingcorner)

Yeah, I did a bit hard with this challenge, I’m really not much into this question and I don’t think that machines will ever replace human beings. So yeah, really not that great. This is set sligtly in the future, probably around 2040-2050 but it doesn’t really matter, since in some contries this is almost reality. Credits to @tiftswritingcorner for the prompt.

“The Story is about an inhibited gym teacher who must work with a barber. It takes place in a port city. The question of when a machine becomes human is a major part of the story.”

Sami watched the impressing container boat slowly but steadily arriving through the narrow port entrance. The impression calmed him down, and he could really use some calming at the time. Hastily he watched his fitness tracker. 20:48, Oliver was late. He hated lateness, one of the reasons he hated his job as a gym teacher more and more. Every day he had to listen to the same bad excuses of his pupils, which just couldn't be bothered to get some movement. All those lazy, unmotivated, fat kids. Sami watched his pulse hastening again thinking about his schooldays and immediately looked back to the container boat. He had already been here a lot as a child, together with his parents. Those days a load of people were employed around the port. These days, around thirty years later, most of the processes were fully automatic, digital and controlled by artificial intelligence, robots such to say. They were cheaper than real personnel, didn't need breaks and were less error-prone. A reason Sami decided to become a teacher, a doing that also during his lifetime wouldn't be displaced by robots. There was one thing the machines weren't able to imitate — Empathy. But from this point of view, Sami wasn't that different from the machines. He couldn't remember the last time he felt bad for one of his students. 'I twisted my ankle.' — 'Don't be pathetic!' 'I'm on my period.' — 'Just use tampons like everybody else.' 'I'm afraid of heights.' — 'Fears are overcome when you face them.' He wasn't a much liked teacher, but at the beginning of his career that was different. He didn't know when he the love for his work had died. 'I'm sorry, I'm too late. I know you don't like waiting.' Cut away from his thought Sami turned around quickly. As always, Oliver's black hair was perfectly cut, his thick beard greatly combed and gelled. 'Did you get rid of the stuff easily?' Sami pulled his hand into the bag of his hoodie. 'I only took away my ratio, as always. The rest was selling like hot cakes.' He handed Oliver a pack of money. The government would have liked to ban cash since it was mostly used for illegal transactions like this one. But the people loved their cash — and illegal businesses — so the resistance under the people was too tight. 'It's only one thousand seven hundred forty. Taking away your ratio, it must at least have been one thousand eight hundred fifty. Where's the rest, Samuel?' Sami flinched. 'I gave a discount to a regular customer. He was low on money. And I thought that was better than letting him go somewhere else.' Oliver clicked his tongue impatiently. 'Sami, you know what to do with customers like that — take them to me.' That was like Sami and Oliver's 'business relation' started. To flee his frustration, Sami used to pop some pills from time to time with his few friends. But while they had their consume under control, Sami sank deeper and deeper into the milieu. One day he couldn't pay anymore and so his source took him to Oliver. He owned a barber store downtown, but Sami had never seen him actually cut hair. Oliver made Sami one of his couriers, free but fixed rations inclusive. There was no other payment. Sami tried to keep his customer out of this. 'I... I know', he stammered and threw a nervous glance on his fitness tracker. Pulse 102. He really had to calm down. 'Bring me him on Monday. I can't accept a discount. Or you've got to pay the difference.' He raised an eyebrow and did a vague gesture. He knew, Sami couldn't do this. So he promised to take the boy to the barber store. His glance followed Oliver's away on the water. The container boat was moored by now, one of those few tasks a real human being did, he could spot the man with his reflective vest and exoskeleton walk busily from one rope to the next. The ship already was being discharged, the crane was programmed to perfectly take one container after the other from the ship and pull them over to their programmed, determined place. Sami was surprised that it really took a human to moor the ship. But how human was that man, in his cradle? 'A penny for your thoughts', Oliver said and stepped right next to Sami, their shoulders touching. He was a nice boss all things aside, better than that bitch at the school. She never cared what Sami or someone else from the staff thought or felt. 'I just thought that we humans aren't needed for our working power anymore. They only need our brains. But not all of us can be thinkers. And what about robots learning to think like us? They already are smarter than us anyway! Why are we here then?' Oliver laughed hysterically. 'You really shouldn't be high on our meetings. But that's easy. We are here, because god wants us to. Robots are here because we want them, but we are no gods. Those things can be as smart as possible, they will never get his blessing.' Sami blinked surprised. He never knew that Oliver was a believer. He himself couldn't really believe. Why was there so many bad in the world, when there was a god? He didn't say anything more. After a few seconds of silence Oliver pulled his hand into the pocket of his hoodie and pulled out a bag with some colorful pills. 'One thousand eight hundred fifty until next week, not a penny less. Or else I have to become unpleasant, is that understood?' Sami quickly nodded and gulped with a dry throat. 'And Monday I'll see you with this customer, is that understood' Sami hastily nodded again. Oliver then turned around on his heel and disappeared between the maze of containers. Sami stayed back for some more minutes, his eyes fixed on the horizon. Some day he would watch behind it...