#we r getting into fun vampire power land

[kuh-boose]

Popping this wonderful summary here with the link cause I'll forget where it is otherwise (I did not write this! Just saving it to read)

https://www.reddit.com/r/BaldursGate3/s/m434NgqDDI

(will reblog with the rest)

Who is Cazador Szarr?

According to the Forgotten Realms wiki for Cazador Szarr, The Szarr family was a family of Baldur's Gate who were once wealthy merchants and farmers.

I couldn’t find any information on what year the actual Szarr family was attacked, but the information I do have is, “Long before the 15th century DR, the land that would encompass Tumbledown held a grand estate that belonged to the mercantile Szarr family. Unfortunately, every member of the Szarrs was murdered by a rival house, and their holdings were burnt to the ground.” It was unknown how Cazador survived. Maybe he organized this? After the tragic incident, Tumbledown was filled with fog. In addition, the Outer City expanded over the area, and it would become a large cemetery.

Decades prior to 1482 DR, a portion of the cliffs that surrounded the area fell away. Because of this, part of the family crypts were revealed; graverobbers seized the opportunity to plunder the tombs.

Cazador is known as Cazador Szarr 'The Avid', according to a scroll titled “Vampires before Vellioth” From this information, we can see that Cazador turned from Vampire spawn, to Vampire Lord the year 1276, and about 20 years later give or take, is when he turns Astarion into a vampire spawn. Considering the game is set in 1492, this means Cazador has been a vampire lord in Baldur Gate for about 216 years. One of Cazador's slaves, Astarion reported that he was turned into a vampire spawn almost two centuries prior to 1492 DR(1292).

Cazador is the patriarch of the Szarr family, (The head of the family) he apparently didn’t want military or political power, He likes power over people. So when he speaks, Astarion (or vampire spawn) body has to react. He apparently made vampire spawn torture themselves and each other for fun. You can interact with a bust in his palace which reads to be 'Mordic SeLanmere', the most powerful vampire king. It suggests that this might be Cazador's ancestor?

After talking/killing the Gur Gandrel, Tav can talk about the night Astarion met Cazador, and you’re able to call out that it was convenient Cazador just happened to find him. Astarion will deflect and claim he probably was found because of the smell of blood. When you do ask Astarion if you should be worried about Cazador hunting you down, he says you should always be aware, but Cazador was never one to actually leave the city ever. (get a life, Cazador.)

Astarion only assumes Gandral works for Cazador, which is false. If you give Astarion up, he'll be held at the Gur camp, where everyone will be slaughtered in Act 3 by Cazador, and Astarion will go back to the Palace as a zombie.

If you don't kill the Gur Gandrel, you actually find out that his two children were part of the 7,000 spawn trapped by Cazador. Sparing Gandrel, and the rest of the 7,000 spawn will let you briefly talk to him, and his two now vampire spawn children,

Cazador has some beef with the Gur (Obviously since he steals their children) because the werewolves that fight you are ‘Fallen Gur Hunters’. At the party, we can also see the werewolves that fight you are from the Hhune family. There’s a ‘Chatterteeth’ that fights alongside Cazador, who is, like Godey, a pair of bones. I’m not sure what Cazadors affinity is for werewolves, maybe its his twilight fantasy of Edward x Jacob?

On Astarion Ancunín

Astarion's age of death is 39, rather young for elves. His grave reads: 229 - 268 DR 498 DR. This Reddit thread gives good information.

Astarion was turned into a vampire by Cazador Szarr in the year 1292DR. Before he was a vampire, Astarion was a magistrate. A magistrate judge is a judicial officer of the district court and is appointed by majority vote of the active district judges of the court. A group of vagrants, a group called the Gur beat Astarion to deaths door when they took issue of a ruling Astarion made. It is there Cazador 'saved' him with the choice of 'life' or 'bleeding to death in the street'.

It isn’t said if Cazador made/let/stopped Astarion from continuing to be a magistrate. Since Cazador saved Astarion from the Gur, he ‘chased them off’ and turned Astarion into a vampire. I think it would be interesting if there was some sort of political move since a large opinion is that Cazador organized the attack. Perhaps there was an issue with Cazador's status?

-- My theory about Astarions family

In another comment, someone suggested Astarion might be from elsewhere instead of being born in the city. The idea he came to Baldur Gate because he wanted to pursue bigger things and become a Magistrate seems in character without having to add in his family, but you'd think he'd be concerned about his family and vise versa? Unless Astarion had bad blood with them.

At the end of the day, for his main 7 spawn, it doesn't make complete sense to have them be born and raised in Baldur Gate with a full family, since that's way too many connections. Too many distractions when they're out getting marks, and too many opportunities for Cazador to be exposed. Since there are 7,000 spawn created by Cazador, but only 7 that he 'keeps', so there has to be some sort of reason.

Were they the most beautiful? Alluring in his eyes? Or perhaps, the most charismatic, or did they have the least amount of connections that could come back to bite him? Surely, there has to have been one incident. Wouldn't that be interesting if there was at least one spawn we don't know, that used to be of the original 7, but was 'taken out' because a family kept asking too many questions?

*-- *

Cazador, on making Astarion vampire, also made him crawl out of his own grave.

“Nearly two hundred years and I never came back. Not since the night I woke up down there. I had to punch a hole in the coffin and clew my way through six feet of dirt. Then when I finally broke the surface, retching up first and congealed blood, Cazador was waiting.”

It's unclear if Cazador gave all the spawns the same treatment, but my opinion is he did this to send a direct message to Astarion. Astarions grave is in the Thorass alphabet, Showing that his last name is Ancunín. The only way to get to this grave is during a dialogue scene at the end of "The Pale Elf" quest, widely considered the 'good ending' in which the player does not let Astarion ascend. Asended Astarion will not bring you to the grave, and can not be found when in the cemetery in the city.

Astarion also mentions when talking about being turned into a vampire about how painful it was, saying, "I remember how it hurt when I turned into a vampire. My body writhed and warped while I was utterly helpless, the grip of death owned my heart as it beat its last."

In earlier patches, Astarion mentions how he begged Cazador to be turned instead. This is old though, so I wouldn’t say this is reliable.

Astarion does also say in a voiceline that:

"The mindflayers weren't my first kidnapping. A long time ago, I crossed Cazador, a powerful man in Baldur's Gate."

Astarion would bring the people for Cazador, he’d tease Astarion by asking him if he’d like to dine with him, and if Astarion said yes, he’d get a rat(girl dinner). If he said no, he’d have Astarin flayed.

There is also Astarions worst memory, when he was sealed, buried alive for a year. If you ask him about it in Act 3, he talks about how in his first decade, he found a darling boy that he couldn’t bring back to Cazador. So Astarion ran and disobeyed. Cazador caught him and sealed him up, starved him inside a dusty tomb for a year. He claims,

“A year of silence. Months of scratching my hands raw, trying to carve my way out. More months of not moving at all. Months wishing only for death.”

Astarions Brothers and Sisters, the Seven Spawn

It seems Cazador has his main seven spawn, Astarions ‘brothers and sisters’. Seems like Cazador had a real, manager-in retail type mentality and claimed they were ‘all a family’ even while he was carving scars into their flesh. To note, I’m not sure why the only scars Astarion DOES have are the ones on his back. Apparently, Astarion was ‘one of his firsts’ which signals that Astarion might be the second spawn? The rest came years later, but took a special interest in Astarion for his ‘sweet sounds’. Astartion does seem to have some sort of survivor's guilt for them. It isn't ever specified who came first, or who was the most recent.

The respective spawn names are: Leon, Aureila, Yousen, Violet, Dalyria and Pale Petras

They all have the same stats. The demographic is:

Female (3/7) - 43 %

Male (4/7) - 57 %

With 1 Tiefling(Aurelia), 1 Halfling(Yousen), 3 elves(Violet, Astarion,Dalyria), and 2 humans(Pale Petras, Leon) - This is based on observation, I could be wrong!

Their eyes will be glowing red, which means they are under the influence of Cazador. This applies to all the spawn. Once Cazador is dead, their eyes stop glowing.

When Leon and Aurelia confront you at the inn (and attack you), Aurelia claims Cazador knew where Astarion was the entire time, likely watching us from the shadows.

Cazador apparently promised the 6 vampire spawn that he’d set them free. You can learn more about Pale Petras, where he wants to bring back one more person so when he is ‘free’, he will have someone to drink dry right off the bat. Dalyria doesn’t seem to humor the idea and instead wants to leave in fear of angering Cazador by being late, BUT interestingly enough, the vampire spawn are out in the day in a tavern, which means they are hunting day AND night? Considering how Astarion talks to Pale Petras, it's clear that they don’t really get along too well.

When you meet the spawn slave, after succeeding on a perception check, you notice on all 7,000 spawns, "Beneath the first and blood, you notice that every prisoner has a rune carved into their flesh." What is interesting, is it only looks like Sebastian is the only one with these marks. I looked at all the other spawn NPCS and couldn't find anything visible. The runes marked into Sebastian also look kind of fresh, so this perhaps was a recent thing? Unless I'm reading the scars wrong, but from how Astarion talked about his scars, it doesn't sound like he was given them as soon as he was turned into a vampire spawn.

As for the appearance of the other spawn, I can chalk it up to the models not being completely finished with the runes, I suppose... Either that or Tav can see under people's clothes.... kinda weird!

More on Cazador and Baldur Gate

According to Astarion, Cazador is just another ordinary noble in Baldur City. He says that Cazador is a little reclusive perhaps, but just another ‘the great and good’ of Baldur’s Gate. He apparently has a grand palace on the hills of the Gate, where he hosts the city’s high society. This makes me wonder, since there is a ballroom in Cazador’s palace if he hosts all these large high society balls. Astarion wonders if Cazador would risk exposure by doing it at the palace, signaling that Cazador at least, does care for his image.

When your character is a Baldurian, you can ask, “That giant gothic monstrosity has been inhabited by vampires this entire time?” So at least the citizens of Baldur Gate can see how out of place it is.

The Szarr Palace has a palace south tower and ramparts. He has city guards charmed guarding the entrance. It also has a garden and beautiful architecture. The Szarr palace colors are teal and red. My analysis of the building is linked.

The dialogue from Astarions origin character playthrough when he has a nightmare about Cazador:

Spoken like a true old bitch:

“First, thou shelf not drink of the blood of thinking creatures.”

“Second, thou shalt obey me in all things.”

“Third, thou shalt not leave my side unless directed.”

“Fourth, thou shalt know that thou art mine.”

Cazador keeps all the spawn underground in cages. When meeting Sebastion in the cages, you tell Sebastion he’d been down there for “One hundred and seventy years. You were one of my first, too.” This means either the “200” years is more 175 years, or he might not have gone out to get spawn for around ~15 years. It could also mean Astarion sees the 15 years as a short period of time, which would make sense.

Astarion thinks that Cazador hired the Gur to find Astarion in Act 1, and the Gur does not know what Cazador really is. If you give Astarion up and go to Cazador in the future, he will ask you if you’re the one who “took my poor Astarion under your wing, only to abandon him so cruelly?”

What’s really interesting, if you interact with Astarion in the ritual, he’s a zombie, unlike his other spawn. Could this be because he was tortured by Cazador, flayed?

When you read Cazadors mind after killing him without Astarion, it seems Cazador has nightmares of “The boy I was, the man I became, the monster that will not end. I sleep, but cannot rest, I live, but cannot die. I am eternal, and I grieve.” I say shut the fuck up, Cazador.

Obviously, Astarion meeting Cazador in the current up to date patch(9/7/2023) , he’s very demeaning. Man rolls his r’s like he’s still in the fucking renaissance. He claims Astarion is still his even if he can resist his words. He waves around his stupid little staff, but his magic is still strong enough to grab Astarion into the ascension ritual even if you roll a nat 20 to resist.

On talking to Astarion about coming home :

Cazador seems to have mortal servants walking around the palace. The Servants aren’t charmed, but they are ‘fanatics’ as Astarion claims, “Here of their own free will, and utterly devoted to Cazador.” He says, “Each one came to our door and begged to be given his ‘eternal gift’. They’re sure he’ll turn them if they serve him well enough” whatever the fuck that means.

What I can gather from this information is, that people do know that Cazador is a vampire lord, but obviously not everyone. It's like the well-kept secret that isn’t a secret because Astarion claims earlier that Cazador wouldn’t want to do the ritual at the Palace for fear of exposing himself. If anyone else has any clarification that Cazador is a known vampire, please, I'm all ears.

The servants seem to be obsessed with keeping the place clean, making sure it's ‘pure’. But that’s kind of hard considering there are BATS flying around everywhere in this palace. I can't tell if they are paid at all, either, they are just there freaked out trying to be the best they can so they can be the next vampire spawn. It also makes me wonder, why doesn't Cazador just turn these people into spawn? Is he afraid to scare staff away when they vanish because they begged at Cazadors door for vampirism? How on earth did they find this out? What on earth is Cazadors title to these people, is he a lord even if the public doesn't know he's a vampire lord?

All the text in Cazadors Palace Explained, and rooms explained

[ALL THE TEXT FOUND IN CAZADORS PALACE]

Chamberlain Dufey

In the Chaimberlain's private quarters, we find Chamberlain Dufey’s dead body in a casket. The Chamberlain is responsible for managing the household of nobles, so Dufey would have managed the household for Cazador. It's suggested by a private note left by Dufey’s Werewolf GF that he killed himself via poison, and so she Romeo and Juliet herself and killed herself as well.

You can find his diary on the bed on the floor, and we find out that Dufey killed himself because he found out about Cazador's ritual, because Cazador wanted Dufey to be the stand-in for the missing Asterion. He even calls Astarion a brat! Ironically enough, his poison is just enough to slow his heart and he isn’t actually dead, so his lover found him and killed herself in return. True poetry. Dufey hopes that once Cazador ascends, he can leave since Cazador won’t need his management anymore. This suggests that Dufey is a prisoner in one way or another. He is, a vampire spawn interestingly enough.

Godey

Cazador would throw the spawn into a ‘kennel’ when he was displeased with the vampire spawn. This is hidden by an illusion, that Astarion claims is one of his regular, cheap tricks.

Godey is a pair of bones that is under Cazador's control. He claims to be doing his job and to ‘keep him(astarion) in line.” He apparently tortured the spawn for days at a time, and Godey seemed to enjoy the screaming.

Spawn sleeping quarters

The vampire spawn seemed to live in a ‘dormitory style’ living, inside the dormitory wing. He has two rooms, “spawn dormitory” and “favorite spawn”

You can find Violet's diary, where she says the ‘garlic in Yousen's bed gave him a nasty rash’ which signals that vampires can’t handle garlic. It also shows that Violet is a little shit and makes life hell for the other spawn… a true sibling. Leon has a daughter named Victoria, but Cazador seems to ‘have a little plan for her.’

There is also a blood ledger from Dufey, who states the rules of what type of people Cazador wants to be picked up. Most notably, to focus on the lower class. He chastises them for picking up three people from wealthy families because their families of course are wondering where the as fuck they went. The goal is not to attract unwanted attention and to avoid aristocrats, even if they are out slumming in the lower city.

Favorite Spawn

The ‘favored spawn’ room is a lot more grand, with nice beds that don’t stack on a bunk bed. I wonder if Astarion was a bottom or top bunk?

It turns out when looking at the favorited spawn list, it mostly is Leon, with Violet taking only one year. When you read Leon's diary though, we find out he’s working so hard because he has a daughter named Victoria. Leon writes, “I've had to be his best hunter just so I could stay here with my daughter and keep her away from the other spawn. I don’t like the way Violet looks at her, not at all!”

So it seems that Cazador let the other spawn family stay with them unless Victoria is an outlier… But while they are ‘siblings’, they still do not get along. Either that or Violet is just a bitch. That being said, Leon also writes, “When I ask the master what he plans to do with Victoria, Cazador just gives me that wicked smile.” He writes that he is working together on a plan to disguise Victoria so she can escape. She’s a human girl running around, and her father even writes her a note to learn the ancient language book that is in the guest room so she can move around freely in the mansion. This means there was a KID running around the palace. A HUMAN KID.

You can also find a list that Victoria made, which seems focused on the number '17' for some reason.

What I’m gathering is, that Cazador is wicked and sick- of course, we knew that. But poor Leon, protecting his daughter? All of this is to say- Victoria is dead in the guest room. She’s covered by necrotic magic.

Astarion claims he has brought people to this guest room before.

Dalyria

In the guest room, we get to find Dalyria’s diary. It claims she was a Doctor, and Physician General to the Parliment of Baldur Gate. She claims she will always be a Doctor, despite what Cazador did to her.

She says that a “massive infusion of fresh, youthful blood may overwhelm the vampirism infection and enable my body to heal” and points out that Victoria is the pureblooded daughter of Leon. This seems to indicate that she thinks that vampirism is a blood-affected thing, and can be cured one way or another.

Leon was apparently a sorcerer before he became spawn, and warned everyone to not bite her since he booby-trapper her blood in case of an attack. So… considering she is letting out necrotic energy, I assume that Dalyria tried to bite her because she assumed Leon was lying.

When you try to Speak with Dead on her, it seems her answers don’t line up too well with the actual journal entries. She says that Dalyria lured her with the promise of food and shelter and she was bit by her, and then Dal was dragged away by Cazador, and Victoria was eventually killed by him.

A question I have is, with a daughter so young, and Leon has been on the favorite spawn list for so many years, did he have this kid when he was a vampire? She looks like she’s only 10 or younger, so he either had to have her at the Palace when she was a baby or he somehow got someone pregnant.

The Ballroom

When you enter the ballroom, the people on the floor are called guests. So I can assume there was some party, and then the werewolves were called to rip everyone up. On the body of a woman named Sanseverina, she’s carrying a note that says. *“Sansy, I've been invited to a party at the Szarr Palace tonight in their ballroom. Show the chamberlain at the door this note and he’ll let you in to join me. Wear your best dress!” - Callira (*Sansy was not indeed, wearing a dress at all.)

Callira can be found in what I assume is the cigar room dead on the floor. She holds a note from Dufay that she is requested by Cazador to play music at the party.

Using "Speak to Dead" on one of the dead party members on the floor, we find out that one of them is named "Sterlac", a Senior Clerk in the Counting House. He was invited to the party, and claims he was enjoying the party, drinking and talking. When you ask him what he was talking about, he says,

"Work... Counting House... Who controls what. Wanted names of senior staff... families... any scandals, secrets..."

He also says that at the party, the guests were politicians, minor nobles, fist officers, 'all sorts'. Cazador wanted information, he apparently asked them all a lot of questions about the power structures in the city, the weaknesses, and the type of people Cazador should look at controlling.

Cazador apparently took the most beautiful people away from the party, and they were never seen again. According to Sterlac, after Cazador left, werewolves came to the party and made the guests their little afternoon snack. From what I can gather, it does seem that Cazador has his foot in the door pretty heavily in politics, if he's using clerks for their information about staff and.... scandals.

I'm assuming this random attack of wolves is in reference to the 'grand feast' Dufay writes about in his party planner diary you'll find in Cazador's office.

What my takeaway is, that people in political power, at least of use to Cazador, know he is a vampire. But it isn't generally common knowledge, even when Tav comments on the vampire-filled manor, and Astarion jokes back that its "subtle, isn't it?"

Dufay also orders the guards on the wall to make sure they're vigilant and that the staff are silent and never speak. This shows that Cazador’s reach goes all the way to the guards. Dufay does note that “If you encounter the mater, stand still and cast down your eyes with dereference. The master likes to be respected.”

Oh. and no whistling, of course.

What is the puzzle under Cazadors Palace?

The puzzle under Cazador Palace can be entered via the cigar room. Me, and so many people have concluded this is simply an unfinished room since I tried to do just about everything to get this to work.

I back my theory up because this is the only location in Cazadors Palace that isn't marked as dangerous and allows the player to long rest and travel by waypoint etc.

Venturing further, we can find a confession from one of Cazador's captives, where they confess their transgressions. This is from someone named Dawson Kiltmaker, who claims they cheated on the city accountants' certification test. Since Dawson suspects he is going to die, he is using the journal to rid himself of sins so he can die with his soul a little lighter. He also claims that Cazador gloats, so it's confirmed that Cazador at least, fucks with the prisoners mentally. There are a lot of dead bodies so it can be assumed sometimes, Cazador just keeps people / kills them instead of turning them.

Cazadors Office Area / Family / Attic

Cazador's office is directly linked to the ballroom named the “Office Hall”

There’s a party planner on the desk that Dufay used to plan Cazador's gatherings. The ballroom functions are divided into two categories - Invited guests and involuntary guests, which are the entertainment for the latter category being considerably more sinister than the former.

So what I can assume is ... There are other vampires invited or others invited of different types of morality that use or torture the second category? Thats wild. Cazedor also planned a ‘final feast’ that Dufey had to organize, which involved invited and involuntary guests…

Cazadors desk has Starbrt Shandy, a Carafe of wine, and Cagulated blood. He also seems to keep up with the news since articles are on his desk and a book about Baldur City's history. Cazador's entire office is just… blood and wine. Dude parties non fucking stop. There is also a book on the upper city and the lower city.

The Dais is the elevator down into the dungeon, Astarion had no idea it was there. He said Cazador brought his victims there, so it can be assumed that Astartion at least dragged the person to Cazador's office before they were brought to the second room down the elevator… Imagine how scary that would be.

There's a bust of Shyressa Runemaster as well, a vampire in 1360 DR. It should be noted, there's so many bottles of wine in this fucking estate. Does NOBODY drink water???

Cazador's Niece

In the attic, we actually get entries from Cazador's family from the year 1477. Amanita Szarr, Cazadors ‘niece’ claims she didn’t know that Cazador was a vampire. She claims she had no idea that her family were vampires, so it confirms that the Szarr family at least has some nonvampires and a long line of vampires.

She grew up on the country estate near Anga Vled was raised by servants, and hardly ever visited the city palace in Baldurs Gate. It noted she hated visiting, and that the Palace straddles the wall between the Upper and Lower City. In the year 1477 when she was 13, Cazador personally summoned her, and she was brought by carriage. Dufey greets her and brings her to the ballroom, and It is here that Cazador forcibly turns her into a vampire in the torture room above the ballroom. She was imprisoned in the attic by someone named Bolvart for trying to resist being a vampire, and she eventually succumbed and drank human blood. They kept her in the attic starving for an entire year and eventually sent up a bound captive, which she killed. So Amanita decided to stay up in the attic for the rest of her life calling herself Lady Incognita.

Amanita later wrote a book describing blood diseases claiming that there is something that can infect vampires with a brief illness. It's called “Red Thrombosis and Thandals Paroxsym”. Vampires should be able to recognize this before they even bite people if they are trained. Do you hear that, Astarion lovers? It's time to write Astarion is sick fanfiction. Or.. maybe, Cazador is fucking ill and everyone points and laughs.

So even those who survived the Szarr massacre still get hunted down by Cazador to become vampires it seems. Cazador leaves no stone unturned, but it makes me wonder how many other surviving members there had to have been. Obviously, Cazador has siblings if he has a niece.

Cazadors Corner

Going down into Cazador’s dungeon, there is a list with thousands of names from Baldur City, which can be assumed the sibling's victims.

There is Cazador's journal, which records the movements and actions of his spawn. He seems REALLY interested in Astarions, noting his every order, failure, and punishment.

He says, “Astarion failed to return from his hunt this night. Godey Informed. He will have the pliers ready when the boy shows himself again.”

Cazador starts to say how upset he is that Astarion is missing and that he wants to make Astarion scream. So then, Cazador starts to torture his siblings to find Astarion since he’s been missing for days. He then notes that when Astarion interacts with his siblings in Wyrms Crossing, Astarion is able to stand in the sunlight and bolds that he’s able to disobey Cazador. Dude is fucking upset writing in his diary. This obviously won't appear if you don't ever interact with Pale Petras and Dal.

In another book, Cazador writes about how he’s concerned about Lord Gortash because of his new steel watch, wondering if they’d mess with his vampire spawn and how he operates….

Cazador has a letter he writes to Mrel Alkam, who I suppose leads their own vampire circle in another region called “Athkatla” which is apparently more homogeneous than Baldurs Gate. He tells Alkam to enjoy his success while he has it because he plans to surpass him. He also says that he’s been long content with being a major city’s vampire lord. This signals that Cazador is not the only vampire lord out there, of course, but he’s feeling inferior.

Cazador essentially is writing this hatemail like, You might think you’re so cool and special with your vampires, but just you wait, I'm about to become cooler AND more popular. (For the record, Cazador slept in a twin-sized bed, so he was getting NO bitches.)

Looking into Athkatla further, we can find that this is the "City of Coin" , a location in BG2. There is a whole vampire coven in Athkatla, which players are able to interact with in BG2.

Under Cazadors corner, you can also find a scroll written by Lady Incognita that it was Donnela Szarr, Vellioth's original Vampire master, explaining how she was the one that opened the halls that Cazador uses as his dungeon. Apparently, they were built by mining dwarves who were exiles from Bhaerynden and seemed to be more of an outpost abandoned with time. Donnela questions, what was being mined here? It's questioned by Lady Incognita that it's unusual the halls were never discovered under Baldur's Gate, and they could have been deliberately hidden.

Cazadors previous vampire master, Vellioth

Vellioth - A skull with a scroll clamped in its teeth. This is Cazador's previous master, a cruel man.

His first lesson: “Is to always dominate. Allow none to be your equal.”

“Vellioth recalls when Cazador reached out to a former friend. His punishment was to watch as Vellioth drained his friend dry.”

His second lesson: “Power comes from solitude. To share with others is to be weak, and to be weak is to fail… and die.”

"Vellioth recalls when Cazador rebelled against him. Cazador suffered eleven years of impalement… because he failed."

(For the record, this is fucking horrific. It's such a hard juxtaposition AND parallel between him and Astarion.)

His third lesson: “Act not in haste. A near immortal has time to plan, time to act when others will pay the price of action.”

“Vellioth recalls Cazador, his lesson learned, killing him in the Rite of Perfect Slaughter. How they both laughed! Vellioth recalls Cazador boiling the flesh from his skull and then, to mock him, clamping his Schooling Scroll in Vellioth's jaws.”

(I couldn't find any information about the Rite of Perfect Slaughter)

Vellioth

As for Vellioth, he is known as Vellioth the Martinet. A Martinet is a strict disciplinarian, especially in the armed forces. He ruled from 1204 - 1276(72 years). A lot shorter run than most, but overall rather average considering. Vellioth’s master was Donnela Szarr the Architect, which makes me wonder if Vellioth was actually his family. There are only two Szarr names on the list of vampire lords, including Cazador and Donnela.

Here are the recent 5 stats:

Cazador Szarr - 216 years

Vellioth - 72 years

Donnela Szarr - 66 years

Hideous Gathwycke - 119 years

Failbleur the Fleeting - 0 years

The average amount of years in Cazador's recent 5 history of Vampire Lords is about 94.6 hours, with Cazador holding the highest number. When calculating the numbers for all listed, the average is 80 years, with Cazador taking the gold medal for longest in ruling.

My general opinion on why Cazador is most obsessed with Astarion is not only looks, but because I wonder if he also sees himself in Astarion- Cazador rebelled and pulled against Vellioth, so maybe he punished Astarion as Vellioth punished him for being bad.

Astarion will note that Cazador can’t be original for once and stole his own rules from Vellioth.

I think it's really interesting to see this side of the story, because when you ascend Astarion it feels like he kind of becomes the next Cazador, and this shows that Cazador was also in the same vicious cycle of abuse. Not that anything Cazador did was ever acceptable, but it's an interesting angle.

You do have choices to break this cycle or continue it. If you convince Astarion to not go through with it, he will thank you for believing in him.

On letting Astarion Ascend, he will sadly continue the cycle of abuse it kind of feels, not letting you break up with him at the end of the game. He laughs and calls you stupid, and says,

“You’re mine, remember?”

It's a sad reminder- Cazador is a cruel, vicious, and unredeemable person, but was also once a person, likely with some sort of light in his eyes... only to be shut down by abuse from his master, which makes his character so interesting.

Astarions Victims

From the four older captives that Astarion has brought, there is Sebastian, Wensleydale, Hapdim, and Gondlemead. Only Sebastion can speak. For…. research purposes, they do not react to being attacked.

For the children, it seems Cazador specifically ordered Astarion to capture them. This can only be assumed because they are the children of the Gur. When you kill Cazador, before leaving, you'll be confronted by Ulma, a leader of the Gur tribe. They are upset that Astarion stole their children, but seeked Astarion out when they find out he fled and somehow betrayed Cazador in hopes they could recruit Astartion.

There also does seem to be a back entrance to the dungeon from the sewer. Who knows how often that was used since there is a scene with a girl who was meeting up with a ‘silver-haired’ man who told her there was going to be a party when you reach Act 3.

Why didn't Astarion bite Cazador?

I wish I had a good theory for this, but I really don't. So, the only thing I have that could be something is Astarion mentions:

"In theory, the next step is to drink their blood. Once you've done that, you're free and a true vampire."

But he follows up by saying that it doesn't happen because vampires are the true natural enemies of another vampire. I read something someone said that maybe the vampire has to be willing to let the spawn bite him, but that doesn't make sense since Cazador didn't seem all that willing to be stabbed to death. If the tadpole can protect him from Cazador's grip, it should be able to allow him to bypass that stipulation.

So, at the end of the day, I think we can assume this is some plot hole. Either that or Astarion is thinking about it the next day after he rejected ascension and realizes, 'Wait fuck!'

(kuhboose's lil interjection: it's possible it has to be a willing exchange, or that to Astarion it's ascension or nothing, since he'll be free of Cazador either way. Biting Caz might also be an uncomfortable thought for him.)

Some discussion in the comments I thought was interesting:

[twistedminutia]

I'm still stuck on this, and I wonder about Found Footage Horror, or Analog Horror (maybe the recent Digital Horror). Like, I know for a fact that Twst is advance enough to have new technology. Like, those Horror are mostly found in the Internet with the rarities in main stream media like the Blair Witch Project.

There is also Liminal Space, like the uncanny feeling like there should be people here but there is no one. I feel Hearstabyul and Octa (this is the only dorm I can't spell with confidence) are the most creepiest. Hearstabyul cuz has the largest amount of people and it being fucking loopy. While, Octa being a rest of sort, and the big ass aquarium windows. Like some content creators, are good at it that it creates suspense and some lore. For example Kain Pixel's Backroom series and the Oldest View.

There are also other sites that are making horror stories with varying quality. Like the SCP wiki (but I have more fun seeing the world building, but there are some good stories in there), r/nosleep (it's a mixed bag), and my personal favorite podcast series The Magnus Archive (my fav is episode one)

There are a lot of similarities between horror in Twisted Wonderland and our own, primarily because we have significant overlap in the things we find scary. However, the existence of magic has made horror fiction both more and less scary. Less because if you’re a mage, there are a lot of things you can do to get yourself out of a situation or fight off the thing harming you. More because, well, imagine a powerful mage being the slasher in your horror movie.

The existence of magic has also created something of a niche of horror fiction: mage horror. Typically, it’s horror directed to mage consumers, often dealing with magic going out of control, overblots, and other general unsettling aspects of being a magic user. Overblotters mages also take a starring role in a lot of horror fiction- an overblotted mage actually is the main villain of a piece of horror media close in style to the Blair Witch Project film. A lot of the common tropes you might get from a witch on Earth are replaced with mages, often overblotted mage, in Twisted Wonderland. Demons roles are similarly filled by evil spirits.

Uncanny feelings in the dorms is an interesting idea. The Heartslabyul dorm at least seems like it would have some interesting shadowy places that would freak you out in the early morning. The dorm’s architecture is much less creepy to people who grew up in the Queendom of Roses, since that kind of architecture is traditional there, but people from elsewhere might be freaked out!

Octavinelle’s kinda creepy, too. To look out those windows and see nothing but the empty darkness beyond… That’d be enough to trigger anyone’s latent thalassophobia! I'd imagine there are some students who just avoid looking out the windows at night. Or maybe during the day, too!

Speaking of Octavinelle, my headcanon is that merfolk have the creepiest scary stories. Like, horrifically scary. They've canonically mentioned that a lot of merfolk go missing, and the sea is a very dangerous place to live (though it was the twins who said this, and I feel like they could be messing with us for fun. Until we have confirmation otherwise, I'll take their word for it). Merfolk horror media often is highly realistic, deals both with personal and cosmic horror in the same breath, and tends to get kind of graphic. A lot of hardcore horror fans on land will pay top dollar for copies of merfolk media. (Yes, Azul leverages this to hell and back.)

Generally, human and beastman media is pretty similar to what we have, with some modifications to existing myths. Vampires exist in horror media pretty much unchanged from our world, but werewolves are a tale from wolf beastmen, for example. Traditionally the same kind of horror. Fae horror is... well, it's either piss-terrifying or it doesn't translate well. Lilia's really good at identifying the piss-terrifying stuff and scaring people with that. Malleus will either tell you something that will make you stay up all night in cold fear completely casually, or he'll try to give some protracted horror story about the slow passage of time and the alteration of the world. It's a little unsettling, but it's not scary exactly.

That's about the sum of it. I don't think there's much more I have to say on horror here... though I'm sure if you ask more, I can come up with more headcanons!

[gavinopricey]

I don’t remember if it was even established, up to this point in the book, that Dracula could fly. I do love the idea that he’s been completely aware of whenever Jonathan is watching him, and thus made the conscious choice to crawl down the wall rather than flinging himself off the window sill back at ye olde castle because he thought that would be more likely the scare the shit out of his pet solicitor. And Dracula is nothing if not in it for the bit

[pumpkinspice-prouvaire]

Hi previous anon here! 👋 I really like fantasy stuff and stuff that isn’t based in reality, you know? (Sooo looking forward to that rec list I’m sure it’ll be awesome <3)

ok anon ExR recs LET'S GO. I was going to just have this as an open post but I decided to put it under a read more because I got..........A little bit carried away. ANYWAYS-

I hope you enjoy these recs, the first eight are straight up fantasy/supernatural vibes and the others are ones that take place in a different reality, or have fantasy/supernatural elements.

Under My Wings You Will Find Refuge/I Will Fear No Evil (For You Are With Me)/Grant Your Wayward Children Grace by Fiver- Ok so I am literally never going to shut up about this series so pls do not ask me to. This is my favourite fanfic of all time. Sometimes following WIPs is a practice in patience but it's all worth it for fics like this. It's a Supernatural AU, but you don't need to know anything about Supernatural to enjoy it (I certainly don't). Grantaire is an all-powerful angel, and Enjolras is the human hunter he falls in love with. It's so tense and exciting and the current arc is killing me because I have NO IDEA what is going to happen. Pls read this series it's fantastic.

Beneath a Dragon Moon by The Librarina- Another AU, this time with Game of Thrones, but again you don't need to know about GOT to enjoy. Basically, Enjolras is Daenerys Targaryen, and Grantaire is Khal Drogo, except everyone is a MUCH better person. It's so good and their relationship is just so sweet and lovely. Pls note this fic is rated E and there are some TWs, the author has detailed these in the end notes of each chapter

I'm (Not) Under Your Spell by VamillePudding- Modern fantasy where Enjolras is an ace incubus who doesn't understand that Grantaire just thinks he's hot in...The normal way. Vamille writes the funniest, sweetest oneshots, their Enjolras is so subtly chaotic and Grantaire's narration is always perfect, and there's lots of Triumvirate friendship in their fics. Would recommend any of their oneshots for ExR!

R by tellthemstories- Another Supernatural-type AU, with Les Amis as a group of monster hunters. Grantaire makes a deal with a demon, and Enjolras is capable of being terrible

Jojo’s Delivery Service by strangegoingson- Inspired by Kiki’s Delivery Service (I’ve never seen it so I’m not sure if it’s a direct AU or not), set in a world where witches exist. LOTS of cute friendship moments with all of Les Amis, lots of fun magic stuff, and ENJOLRAS AND COSETTE ARE SIBLINGS <3 <3 <3

Sacrosanct by revolutionbarbie- Enjolras is a vampire, Grantaire has been paid to kill him. There’s a conflict at the end which doesn’t get wrapped up in a nice neat bow, it leaves some things unanswered and some tension, which I like

Between Land and Sea by Fiver- I have such a soft spot for mermaid aus jfc

Blood Tomorrow by kjack89- True Blood AU where Grantaire is a vampire, and Enjolras is a vampire rights activist who has no self-preservation skills

Something Telling (Between Then and Now) by dannyPURO- I am incapable of creating a fic rec list without putting a dannyPURO work in it. This fic has Grantaire and the rest of Les Amis living in the 21st century, with canon era Enjolras getting time-zapped to the 21st century and moving in with Grantaire. If anyone tries to harm this Enjolras I will Come For You.

Life, Interrupted series by JJK- A very angsty Time Traveller’s Wife AU when Grantaire involuntarily travels through time. It’s not complete, and given how long it’s been since the last update it’s possible that it’s been abandoned by the author, but it ends on a very hopeful note!

Calm Amidst the Storm by captainskellington- a Mutant AU where Enjolras has a mutation which means he feels everyone in the world’s pain, all the time, and tries to make the world a better place because of it. I absolutely ADORE the last sentence of this fic it is just so wonderful, you’ll have to read it to find out

walls come tumbling down by reptilianraven- a Sky High AU where Enjolras has fire superpowers, Grantaire doesn’t have any powers (or so he thinks)and the first time they meet Enjolras nearly sets Grantaire on fire, lol. Lots of Les Amis banter as well!

Tete a Tete by LaVoileBlanche- (apologies for not putting in the correct accents, unfortunately I am Lazy) Enjolras is a mind reader, and one day he accidentally reads Grantaire’s thoughts and discovers how he feels about him. Honestly this one is just very very fluffy and sweet and it’s what we deserve. Lots of Triumvirate moments as well.

 WELL that should be enough to keep you busy!! I hope you find something you like, let me know if you enjoy these and remember to leave a little kudo/comment on the author’s work because it’s always appreciated!!! I am a librarian and ao3 is my library

[ralts-not-ralts]

@thingismyson @echoesofanartist SINCE U ASKED <3

Basically we don't have a name 4 it yet but it's this very closed off region that was only discovered again recently after having suddenly disappeared 4 years, and so ofc a bunch of researchers and professors immediately went to check out the new Pokemon, but not only did everything in the region look around 1,000 years old, all the pokemon were both extremely violent nd also absolutely terrifying

The whole region is supposed 2 b based off of Transylvania nd all the pokemon r based off of general horror stuff, but we used Lovecraft specifically. Jusr bc my brother rlly likes Lovecraft monsters nd they're fun 2 come up w

First there's the starters, we still need full designs 4 them but this is what we have 4 their first evos so far (fire, water and grass in that order)

They're based off of Fire-Vampires, Deep Ones, and Mi-Go, we gotta come up w names for them soon jewiw. The idea 4 them is they start out as ur fairly cute starters nd then evolve into giant terrifying eldrich-esq creatures that will regularly "accidentally" almost blow ur arm off.

The 3 legendaries r Defantion, Choleodon and Azdramoth, based off of Deagon, Cthulhu and Azathoth (definitely misspelled those), their while story is Defantion was tired of seeing pokemon be hurt by humans so they drove all the humans off the land nd made it completely invisible to anyone who wasn't already there, which is why it was only found again recently, and Choleodon thinks that some humans r good nd they're the one that opened up the island again.

Bc the pokemon here haven't seen actual humans in literally over a thousand years they're just as aggressive as pokemon in Legends Arceus are but now they all look. Fucking terrifying jeneiwnw. Like one of the concepts is a werewolf-type creature that looks like a cute little wolf boy until it unhinges it's jaw to show an uncannily human face.

Ofc the main trainer character like always has 2 fight all the gym leaders, who r mysteriously the only humans that were found on the island, they all talk rlly weird nd seem esp connected 2 their pokemon nd when the trainer character finally meets Choleodon they ask "hey wtf is up w those gym leaders haha" nd Chole goes "oh yeah haha those r all mini legendaries. They just wanted 2 look human why do u think they're so weird". Most of them r just based off miscellaneous other Lovecraft monsters, there's one based off of The King in Yellow, Nyarlathotep, Hypnos (who very specifically is the reason I've decided Hypno will b sorta a big thing on the island along w other pokemon that r similar to Lovecraft gods) etc. My nd my brother just thought this would rlly fun, this gang r also all called Outermon bc we liked the name, ig it's similar 2 how the Ultra Beasts r like. Also There in sun and moon

Anyways so the whole story idea is Chole let's all the humans in nd Defan is Fucking Pissed abt it so it sends the pokemon 2 just attack ppl but the more Trainer Character nd other trainers meet pokemon they're all like "wait these guys r cool actually" which pisses off Defan MORE then u beat them up and they're fine now nd permanently open up the whole island nd then both Defan nd Chole suddenly remember "wait wasn't there another reason we were keeping that closed OH RIGHT OUR SLEEPY SISTER" nd now u have 2 fight Azdramoth who's been asleep 4 years bc if she wakes up she'll b very hungry nd eat the whole world so trainer kid here has 2 VERY QUICKLY get her back 2 sleep but that obviously isn't working so u suddenly remember the Gym Leader/Outermon buddies nd run back 2 them (they're all in their normal Pokemon forms bc Moth waking up also means their powers r weakening nd they can't use their disguises rn) nd get them 2 basically open a portal 2 a sorta dead world where the planets have no life nd Moth gets kicked through so she can eat all the planets she wants w/o murdering millions <3 she comes back all fed nd now everything is fine and cool

[randbwrite]

La Comtesse Chronicles Chapter 5 Part 1

Words: 1561

TW: Death, violence, blood CW: vampires, assassins

R:

His blush at her calling him “luv” was quite satisfying. Smirk widened. He was quite cute like that, hmmm, strange feeling there. Maybe this is why Arthur had fun making the ladies blush? 

Her ears were good enough to be able to hear them while she dispatched their enemies. The banter between these two suggested they were rather good friends. Good, that would make the transition easier. Certainly, it would be some time before Cal was able to make friends with the residents at the mansion, given what he had done to her. Arthur would likely be the least forgiving of them all, since he had treated her wounds personally.

<<Yes, I am one. Figured out yet I haven’t exactly aged since you got here?>>

Ah, now there was the answer to a question she had. She had suspected as much but left such things to the proper time.  Good to know she was escorting two vampires rather than a human and newly sired vampire. Next question would be who his sire was, but that would have to wait. 

They made their way through the citadel, she dispatching anyone that stood in their way. Even in the council room, she had worked with surgical speed and accuracy. Now, they stood outside what remained of the assassin’s league. She turned around and listened intently to both of them.

<<You will have my unwavering loyalty for the rest of my life, this I swear.>>

“I thank thee for such an expression of devotion, brave sir knight. Remember though, I am no queen, my domain is but a small part of the world. And to answer your question, I can tell by the way you speak. I remember the courts of old.”

<<So dramatic! But yeah, what he said. Obviously, I don’t have an issue not fighting on the side of the angels, but if there were any such thing, I’d say you come the closest. Avenging angel, maybe.>>

Laughter, this time short and to the point, more like a scoff but without the derision. A somber tone and expression took hold. “You will learn soon enough that I am no angel, I have never deserved such admiration. An angel of death more than an avenging angel, darkness and despair is all that has followed me for hundreds of years. There is a reason that I am called to the battlefield, and it’s not to make the place art worthy. But, if you wish to think of me as such, I cannot stop you.” Gaze met his, eyes wavering, telling tales of old, death, and destruction, of unimaginable loss, all in an instance. 

She uncased her wings, slowly, her eyes glowing for a moment. “Time to go home.” Wings stretched and flapped a few times before she took off, the two of them flying right behind her via her abilities. 

Over the countryside they flew, the small lives of those below unable to be seen but able to be felt as their tiny figures moved about. Over rivers, forests, and ravines they flew still. A good time later a castle came into view, situated on a cliff, its defenses rivaled by few. 

Landing gently in front of two large doors, she glanced back at them both before knocking. Door creaked open to reveal a man dressed as a butler. 

“Ah, M. La Comtesse, glad to see you’ve finally arrived. I have dinner set for our newest gue-” He stopped, there were two men with her, not one. “M. la Comtesse? Two?” A slightly exasperated sigh. “A little warning next time would be nice. Now the dinner service will have to be adjusted. You are also late. Did something happen?”

A chuckle at his sass, something that she had found endearing over the years. “A few unexpected things happened, including bringing our second guest with me. He was in a predicament that I could not ignore.”

“Ah, very good. M. la Comtesse. I shall have a second room arranged immediately. You know, this reminds me of when you brought the Van Gogh brothers here. Are they brothers?”

“Not to my knowledge, though they banter like they are. Suppose you’ll have to ask them when you’re not pretending they aren’t right behind me. Can we move on? The smaller gentleman is in need of rouge.”

“Of course, M. la Comtesse.” It was then that Sebastian figured out that it was Cal who had done the unthinkable to his mistress. Though he hid his displeasure well from her in tone, the look he gave Cal was as cold and furious as a blizzard. “Might I have their names?”

“Oh, sorry… the larger gentleman is named Derrick, the smaller is called Rapscallion, though he also seems to go by Cal.” She stepped past Sebastian to be met by the prying eyes of the castle residents. “Good evening everyone.” She motioned at their new guests, “These two, Derrick and Cal, will be living here from now on. No harm should come to either of them, or you’ll be answering to me personally. Now, can we have a normal dinner, please? It’s been a long day.”

A few more steps into the castle and she faltered. A grunt and she began to fall, only to be caught by Arthur. “Now, luv, what have I said about overexerting yourself?”

“Mmmmm, I don’t need a lecture now….” Her wings went back into her back and she began to breathe heavily. 

Quietly, he spoke to her, “You know, dove, you didn’t need to bring him back here, let alone two. Seems like it may not have been worth the effort.” Arthur shot both men a look, his eyes showing of his vampiric rage. All that left him as he picked her up and carried her off. 

“Apologies gentlemen, introductions of your fellow residents shall have to wait till dinner itself.” Sebastian chimed in, “My name is Sebastian. I am the head of staff here and am the butler that serves M. la Comtesse personally. Now, let’s get you two cleaned up so you are presentable. Can’t have you dressed like that for dinner with everyone.”

He ushered them both to where they could bathe and get their choice of finer clothing. 

……

“What happened out there, luv?” Arthur inquired, his eyes looking over her exhausted figure. 

“I’m not used to having to carry so much weight with my powers for so long. Seems I need to train more. Not used to flying while using my powers either. The battlefield usually doesn’t call for use of my wings. I had been planning on just carrying back one, not two.”

“And why are there two? Who do we need to watch out for…. Who…. who did those horrible things to you?”

“Ask Jean, I’d rather not tell everyone so as to give them a chance to make their own impressions.”

“Ever the mystery with you, luv. What am I ever to do with you, hmm?”

She scoffed, “Suppose you’ll stay with me, as you always have. I’ll be fine Arthur, I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”

“Mmmm, the blood on your clothes tell enough of the tale.”

Eyebrows quirked, “Damn, guess I wasn’t as focused as I usually am. Apologies to Sebastian and the staff.”

“Get some rest and change, maybe take a bath. Till dinner then, luv.” With that, Arthur left her alone, all the while hatching a plan to figure out which of the two had tried to kill their beloved Comtesse. 

…...

Having scrubbed all the blood off her, a bath had felt refreshing, especially for her sore wing muscles. Sheesh, that was a long flight. Ah, yes, dinner. Time to look nice and make pleasantries. This was going to be interesting. Never before had she brought anyone to the mansion with as much issue with the other residents. Even Theo, resident tsundere, or Mozart, resident grump had been this much of an issue. She only hoped her warning not to harm them would stick. Didn’t mean they had to accept them, or be nice for that matter. Oy vey this was a mess. 

…...

Heels clicked on the hard floor as she entered the dining room. Starry dress flowed with each movement, it looking like it was the sky just as the sun had decided to finally sleep. Everyone seated now rose to greet her. Sebastian pushed in the chair with her as she sat down, ever the lady of elegance. A soft smile graced her lips as she raised a glass of rouge, “Welcome, Derrick and Cal. Introductions are in order, so I shall go around the table.”

Taking a sip from the glass, she set it down. “Derrick, to your left going ‘round the table we have, William Shakespeare, Vincent Van Gogh, Theo Van Gogh, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Napoleon Bonapart, Isaac Newton, Leonardo da Vinci, Dazai, Jean de Arc, and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is to your right Cal. And yes, these are the actual men of their namesakes. I specialize in bringing back people from history to help with current predicaments. Gentlemen, please enjoy dinner. I can now also take any of your questions, as promised before we left that accursed place.”

Glares ‘round the table were at both Cal and Derrick, but no one said anything to them, they all starting to chatter among themselves.

[popculturebuffet]

Top 10 Thanksgiving Episodes

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody! Time to eat a ton, pass out, and watch MST3K and all that. And since I already covered most of the general stuff about how diffrent this holiday is in my Loud House Review, and to reitarate to anyone having a big, 20 or so people crammed in a room thanksgiving this year

For the rest of us like all of the big three of Holidays, thanksgivings also the time for some classic episodes of television. Granted most shows stick to one, with some exceptions like friends, roseanne and new girl, but most make their one count. Thanksgiving may not be as big as the holidays it’s sandwitched in between, to the point christmas is slowly but surely trying to swallow it whole, but it’s still a time for family, fighting, and food that brings plenty of opprotunity for greatness and even with a smaller pool, I stiill had signifigant trouble narrowing down my list to 10. But I stand by what I got it wittled down to. This is my top 10 thanksgiving episodes! And for my regular readers, there’s a suprising lack of animation but i’m more than willing ot go outside that and now’s the right time, asi’m currently having a black friday sale with reviews marked down by two bucks to just 3 dollars for an episode of any tv show. Yes it’s a shameless plug but since when have I ever had shame? So with that in mind let’s chow down, it’s my top 10 thanksgiving episodes!

10. Pangs (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) Buffy is as a show I REALLY need to revisit. While lately, what with the abuse he did that we can’t get details on when making justice league or his you know cheating on his wife on and off over a decade, I’m not at all a fan of series creator Joss Whedon, Buffy itself is still a classic in my eyes. 

The tale of a teenager given the role of the Slayer, a chosen female asskicker given moderate super powers and the duty to defend the world from vampires and other ghouls. The show dealt with the usual teen superhero stuff, ballancing asskicking with saving the world and arguably codified the genre, to the point I hold it at least partially responsible for the bigger wave of teen heroes in the 2000′s in animation and comics. The show had smart dialouge, metaphors, mythology and a rich, and vibrant cast. Sure some things haven’t aged well like an adult vampire dating a teenager or the really dated ways Willow’s sexuality were handled, as groundbreaking as it was, from barely letting her kiss her girlfriend or be shown being intimate iwth her, or just entirley shutting out the posiblity she’s bisexual. But a few age wrinkles aside the show is still good and I still need to rewatch it and that includes our number 10 pangs, one of hte most memorable and well done thanksgiving specials and one fo the shows more comedy moments.  It’s thanksgiving, and Buffys mom’s going out of town, so she decides to hold thanksgiving at Giles place to bring her slowly drifting surrogate family together. Naturally given the way things usually go for our Slayer, she has a hard time of it as Willow chafes at celebrating colonolsim, Giles dosen’t get what the big fuss is about that or the meal being british, and Spike shows up looking for protection from season big bads the initiative, a secret military unit that’s chipped him so he can’t harm humans, so he has no way to eat and spends the mal tied to a chair. Oh and of course, a vengeful native american spriti from the chumash tribe has given Xander syphilis and killed a currator as revenge for his people’s suffering, so now Buffy has to fight a ghost bear if she want sa happy thanksgiving. Also Angel is back in town and being kind of a dick, but hey it leads to a good episode of his spinoff so whatever. 

Pangs is just a fun episode, not only does it do well by not ignoring american colonalisim, but it just has a fun energy to it as Buffy desperately tries to have a good thanksgiving, Spike instnatly proves his worth as an addition to the gang both chemstiry and comedy wise, and we of course get this classic moment. 

It had to fight it’s way onto the list, but pangs is a holiday dish worthy of sinking your fangs into. 

9. The Dressing (Aqua Teen Hunger Force) Speaking of nutty fun thanksgiving episodes.. this one is simply that. I love Aqua Teen Hunger force.. even if like a lot of comedy shows it drooped in later seasons, it still has it’s classics earlier on and even later on has a few gems. But on the earlier on side we have their utterly bonkers and delightful thanksgiving episode “The Dressing”, a sequel to the Christmas Episode “The Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from The Future”, which itself is an utter classic, but we’ll possibly get to that in december’s list. 

The Aqua Teens are having Thanksgiving with Carl, whose naturally onlyt here for the free food and staying outside. it’s also days before or after, with black colored frito pie,a t urkey, and whatever else their broke selves could scrounge up.  However, naturally, like Buffy a normal day for the Aqua Teens just isn’t complete without some weird shit happening, thanksgiving gets interrupted by the cybernetic ghost of Christmas past fromt he future, whose transformed himself into a turkey and wants to save their turkey so it can lead a rebellion in the bizzare hilarious distopian hellscape he comes from. This of course leads to him getting drunk, eating all their food and later showing up with a laser sock to murder carl after the episodes over. It’s just a fun time, a really funny episode and one of the teens more memorable outings. Not a lot to say here, it’s just really damn funny. 

8. Arnold’s Thanksgiving (Hey Arnold!)  Anoter classic I really need to revist but that more than earns his place here. Hey Arnold.. is easily one of the best animated shows ever. I say that with no hyperbole as it handled slice of life well while still getting dramatic when needed to, and is easily the gold standard for slice of life children’s cartoons to this day. And naturally it’s holiday specials were great, and I only r eally haven’t revisited them because they also hurt.. a lot. So unsuprisingly this one makes the list. 

IT’s thanksgiving and given how chaotic things are for both Arnold and Helga’s families, our heroes are miserable. Arnold would understandably like just once to have thanksgiving on thanksgiving, his family instead doing fourth of july due to his grandmother being who she is. And Helga naturally is ignored and mistrteated as usual since her sisters home and her dad and alchoholic mother ignore her as usual even when she’s not around. What i’m saying is while Arnold’s issue is understandable, helga always wins a “whose got the shitter life” contest. 

So the two flee to their teacher Mr Simmons, a character I genuinely loved and loved even more finding out he was gay as an adult, as he was a kind , supportive teacher who could be a bit softhearted but wasn’t afraid to step the fuck up when needed. But they find his thanksgiving isn’t much better, as his Mother and wont’ stop sniping at his boyfriend peter and clearly isn’t entirely comfortable with her son’s sexuality, his friend keeps snapping at peter and mooching off him, and his uncle.. well he’s just a loud asshole who wants turkey.. The kids naturally realize the meaning of the holiday, reconclie with their families who DID take genuine steps to make up for them being gone and missed them, all is well. It just shows nobody’s family is perfect, and is well done in that but also shows why thanksgiving has grown beyond it’s roots: It’s a day for families to get together and even if they may fight, recognize why they love one another. I also give the show balls for heavily imiplying a character is gay and not slapping a girlfriend on him or any of the usual bollocks: Simmons just very clearly is gay and it’s as transparent as the show could get at the time, with the show making it crystal clear years later with the revivial movie. Nice. We’ll have more servings of thanksgiving classics after the cut. 

7. Slapsgiving (How I Met Your Mother) Oh How I Met Your Mother. You started out really good but boy did that go downhill fast and land in a nuclear inferno didn’t it? But I can bitch about the How I Met Your Mother Ending some other time, and probably will. In the show’s prime before they decided to stick with an ending no one wanted anymore, it was pretty great and while season 1′s also impressive Thanksgiving outing “Belly Full of Turkey” was considered, there was ultimately one slaptastic king when it came to Thanksgiving: Slapsgiving. 

Naturally for this show Slapsgiving ties into the show’s suprisngly deep and rich lore: The season before this, Marshall and Barney made a “Slap Bet”, which is exactly what it says on the tin: A bet where the winner slaps the looser. And due to Barney prematurely slapping Marshall, Marshall got 5 penalty slaps to be dolled out whenever, one in that episode and another in a coda to another. For his next one though Marshall decided to outdo himself and set up a counter.. and it all comes down to thanskgiving.  So we get a good ten minutes of Jason Siegel making meancing slap based refrences while NPH’s barney cowers in fear before Marshall’s wife lily pumps the breaks on the bet as comissoner.. only to reconsider when Barney makes the mistake of tormenting Marshall over it, resuling in the inevitible, and in THE thanksgiving song. 

Basically it’s what happen when you give three really funny people a subplot together. Magic happens. The subplot is not bad either as a pre-totallyinsufferabledouchebag Ted hooks up with Robin again over lingering feelings and thanksgiving prep and the two have to deal with that... though it’s mostly funny for Robin’s new boyfriend, who Future Ted acknowledges is barely older than them, but admits to remembering as decrept old man, which results in a  30 something’s dialouge coming out of a very old man and me laughing very hard. A simple joke but one that really works. Overall a slaptacular good time. 

6. Two Turkeys (Brooklyn Nine-Nine)

NINE NINE BITCHES! I’m honestly shocked I haven’t talked about Brooklyn Nine Nine on here already, but it’s easily one of the best sitcoms in recent memory, if not of all time. It has one of the best ensemble casts, great jokes and timing, yet still ballances things out with a sense of realisim beneath the madness> It’s also noticable for holding it’s officers more accountable than most real world police departments, to the point all scripts that were written up for next season were thrown out post George Floyd. It’s truly a joy to watch. 

So naturally they’ve had their share of Holiday episodes, with them easily having the best crop of halloween episodes since roseanne with their annual heists, and having some pretty damn memorable christmases, opening with this:

So naturally thanksgiving is no exception, with it’s last two being the best and it being a really hard choice wether to go with season 4′s “Detective Santiago” or this one. But as good as the other ep was.. this one inched it out for good reason. 

The episode’s split into two equally good, equally hilarious plot lines. In the B-Plot, the 99′s Captain Raymond Holt, one of the best characters in sitcom history and gay icon, and his husband Kevin take their annual trip to get a pie for Holt’s families thanksgiving and come back with the well crafted pie, even if both prefer their food nice and bland. But the pie go missing and Captain Holt procedes to hilariously drill into each of the other members of the 99 and uncovering holes int their previous thanksgving stories with Rosa’s being suprisingly heartwarming (She’s going to a humilating minons on ice show with her family because they reconnected in jail.. setting up the equally awesome “Game Night” episode where she comes out.) and Boyle’s being utterly pathetic as you’d expect (Cooking his son mac and cheese because he’ll eat nothing else and declaring him a “basic bitch”). The solution however ends up being heartwarming as the culprit is actually Kevin, who hated the pie.. as did Raymond who suggests just taking the drive anyway because they enjoy the silent ride there and back every year. It may be boring to us.. but it’s preicious and really sweet all the same.. as it is hilarous when Kevin treats this as a big endugence and seems turned on by that. What i’m saying is these men are couple goals and Marc Evan Jakcson was awesome long before ducktlaes.  The main plot is also great, as Jake and Amy, now engaged after this year’s halloween episode which is also , coincidentally, the series best, try to unite their families. It just goes about as well as you’d expect as Amy’s are type a control freaks, jake’s mom is a retired hippie school teacher and his dad is a human disaster area who has to be told to put on pants, cheated on his mom constantly, somehow got her back, and in general is barely functional on a good day. The families do bond breifly but things ineveitbly break down, hilarity and severed limbs insue and family comes together. IT’s just a funny, well done 20  mintues that’s also really damn sweet, with this plot ending with Amy’s dad accepting the chaos as that’s’ts what you do with family. Also jake naturally finds out he has a ton of step siblings as his dad was and still is a man whore. Happy Thanksgiving!

5. Bart Vs Thanksgiving (The SImpsons)

Let’s face it: if you follow my reviews at all you knew this was coming. While not one I go back to due to being an emotional kidney punch, i’d be doing this list a diservice if this classic wasn’t on there.  In a nutshell, Bart starts a petty fight with Lisa over her centerpiece that ends with it in the fireplace, Bart sent to his room till he apologizes, and Bart seething insiting he did no wrong. It takes a visit to the homeless shelter after running away, and ending up on the news, to realize what an ass he’s been and one nightmarish dream sequence later, seriously why do you think I don’t revisit this one that often? This thing has traumatized me since I was a kid and unlike the slap song I will not be showing it to you, has a heartwarming reconcliation with his sister on the roof. It’s just a nice, sweet special that gets the holiday just right and i’d expect nothing less from Golden Age Simpsons.  

4. A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving (Gilmore Girls) Another show I need to talk about more, Gilmore Girls is fucking awesome. The story of a woman who ran away pregnant at age 16 and built her own life for her daughter in the quirky town of stars hollow who finds herself reconnecting with her parents in present day against her will.. is really good stuff. Funny, heartfelt and really damn well acted with one hell of a cast, the show is part of me and I make no bones about that, so it’s big thanksgiving outing naturally belongs on here.  The premise is simple: Rory and Loreli end up having to go to four diffrent thanksgivings, which even for big eaters like them is a massive task, each unique and entertaining. The main event of course is Suki’s, where everyone’s faviorite chef agreed to let her husband cook the turkey.. of course with the plan to sneak in mid cooking and add her own touches. This gets foiled when Jackson and his family decide to deep fry the thing.. probably in part because Jackson knows his wife well and knows what she was planning. Though over the night while our heroines are at their other meals, it devolves into them deepfrying everything they can get their hand son including a shoe, and Suki getting plastered to tolerate it.  While not topping it the other meals and the sheer lunacy of four thanksigvings in one day, are still memorable: There’s the natural posh one at Richards and Emilys, the dour joyless one at The Kims where Mrs Kim forces the band to play the whole time and forces our heroines to eat food as joyless as Mrs. Kim, and Lukes for a nice round of Rory grappling with having PDA with her boyfirend Jess before resolving it at the end. Also dean’s a jackass. No one is suprised. Jess isn’t one at this stage in his character which is. Also Kirk adopts a cat that slowly pushes him out of his own house which works comedically becaus Sean Gunn is a national treasure. Overall a really good episode and if you have netflix and haven’t checked the series out, this is a good one to try out. 

3. The Thanksgiving Special (Regular Show) I already talked about this one in my top 11 Regular Show episodes so i’ll try to be brief. In a nutshell Mordecai and Rigby destroy thanksgiving and genuinelly feeling bad about it, scramble to win a thanksgiving bird from a Thanksgiving Song Contest, going up against an all star super group comissioned by Donald Trump. Yes really. Meanwhile Muscle Man and High Five Ghost go to get sides and the  rest of the park staff’s attemtps to get a turkey are thwarted by a bunch of thanksgiving reinactors who go unexplained in any way shape or form which given how rare that is for regular show, which usually has some sort of explination for the madness, just makes it funnier. It ends with a REALLY touching song, a fight on a blimp with outgoing president trump, and a truly heartwarming thanksgiving meal. All in all a nice special that combines the shows madcap nature with the genuine warm fuzzies of thanksgiving. 

2. We Gather Together (Roseanne) Another series I need to talk about more.. and another series where one of the creators has turned out to be a terrible human being. Seriously Roseanne Barr is is a terible person, she deserved to be removed from her show, and while the Conner’s isn’t GREAT it’s still FAR better without her. That being said I will still stick up for the original as she wasn’t the only one involved (indeed the aformentioned Joss Whedon worked on the show breifly and Gilmore Girls creator Amy Sherman Paladino not only worked there but later adapted one of Roseanne’s insane antics, making all the writers wear caps with a number instead of referring to them by name , to Gilmore Girls.). Her being a bad person even then dosen’t change the fact that the show is sitcom gold, one of my faviorite shows, and a true classic. And this episode helps showcase WHY. 

What makes this episode special, even among Roseanne episodes is it’s structure: While there are things going on it’s mostly a free floating day in the Families life and thus feels like your there with them through thanksgiving. It feels genuine, like past thanksgivings i’ve remembered: Everyone has their own stuff going on, they all eat, and there’s naturally a big blowup.. and one that eveyrone else ignores to eat which I can relate  to. That authenticity really elevates the episode and is why I seek it out every year. 

That’s not to say nothing happens, it just flows in and out like it would in a normal thanksgiving. Roseanne deals with her parents, a pre-abuser version of her dad and her overbearing nightmare of a mother beverly, and the inevetible blow up when Bev’s needling about Jackie’s life goes too far , prompting Jackie to reveal her new job as a police officer before bursting into tears, all to Roseanne’s annoyance. Rosie also moves them to a hotel despite an attempted guilt trip from her mom. 

Speaking of Mom’s we see Dan’s for the only time before the later seasons and the utterly terrible last season, a professional career woman whose moved on well from her ex and brought her new boyfriend there. Ed, despite some comptemplation over it is firmly accepting and instead starts flirting with the Conner’s friend Crystal. Dan, being overprotective because of his Daddy Issues, but ed cals him out on it “Being lonely is a hell of a lot for two people to have in common, you woudln’t knwo anything abotu that son, and I pray to god you never do” A great caper to a fantastic episode.. one I thought was going to top the list... THOUGHT is the key word here...

1. Turkey in A Can (Bob’s Burgers) This one is. Bob’s Burgers is one of the best things to come out of the 2010′s and i’ve fallen way too far behind on it, so I can’t say if any thanksgivings after thankshoarding top this one.. what I can say is this one is the gold standard for thanksgiving episodes, and is filled with great stuffing. 

Thanksgiving is Bob’s holiday. Being a chef he loves the chance to go all out, and really flex his muscles for his families when it comes to cooking up a storm, and it’s endearing when bob gets just as nuts as his family. But this year someone keeps flushing his turkeys down the toilet despite his best efforts, so while Louise hilariously tries to solve things to proe it wasn’t her (though it’s entirely fair they thought it was her consdering.. everything), while LInda, Gene and LInda’s flighty sister Gale try to write THE thanksgiving song. And while it’s no you just got slapped, damn if they didn’t succeed. 

Sailors in your mouth indeed. It leads to plenty of great jokes the best being the guy at the Deli Counter thinking Bob’s into him and bob not being sure how to respond, but being mildly recpetive. But the climax is what makes the episode as when Bob falls asleep we find his medication has been making him sleepwalk.. and thus put the turkey s int he toilet, as Tina’s desire to be at the Grown Up Table, itslef a REALLY funny runner as you’d expect, has him panicking internally and thus reliving her potty training. The episode ends with Bob letting her come to the adults table, and a rather heartwarming thanksgiving feast. All in all an excellent episode. It also leads to the chaos seen above whic hif htat’s not thanksgiving, I don’t know what is. 

Have a happy thanksgiving and check out my black friday sale! Until then there’s always another rainbow!

[wehavethoughts]

The Old Guard Review!

The Old Guard

dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood (2020) 

Skydance Media, Denver and Delilah Productions, Marc Evans Productions

Science Fiction, Action, Superhero Movie

Rating: 4/5 Waves

Summary: An elite group of immortal fighters utilize their gifts to keep humanity safe. They want to remain in the shadows and fade into legend, but in the modern world everyone leaves a footprint and an immortal can only stay hidden so long. Between being hunted by the powers that be and trying to stay sane after living for so long, this group of immortals must also cope with the appearance of a brand new immortal; the first in two hundred years.

Content warnings: Violence, Death, Body Horror, Suicide Idealization

This review CONTAINS spoilers for The Old Guard.

I love media about immortals: immortals in love, immortals in hate, immortals who think they are blessed, cursed, chosen, or anything in between. The Old Guard delivered in all the ways I expected, but there were a few fun twists and turns I appreciated as a fan of immortals. One thing that I loved about The Old Guard is that the immortal characters have no idea why they are immortal. There is no god that has blessed them. There wasn’t some incredible pseudoscience that supercharged them, and there was no mythical contagion like we see for vampires and werewolves. In The Old Guard, sometimes people can’t die and they have no idea why. Personally, I find that both hilarious and compelling. What do you mean you don’t know why you’re immortal? At first, I was a little skeptical because it seemed like lazy world building, but as the story progressed it was clear that the ‘why’ of immortality was irrelevant. The question of this story is not ‘why am I immortal?’ it is ‘what am I going to do with my immortality?’, which is a fantastic question that I loved watching them explore.

This show also did a great job of keeping the tension and the stakes high throughout the story. One problem that can come up in media about immortals is that if they are invincible or can heal from anything then there is no real risk in the story. The Old Guard combats this problem by having this world’s immortality be temporary. In The Old Guard the immortal characters can be killed by anything that would kill a normal person, but after a few seconds they start to heal and simply wake up. What keeps the audience guessing is that at some point in these immortal’s lives, their immortality will run out and they will heal and die exactly like a regular person. This uncertainty coupled with not knowing why people are immortal in this world could be frustrating to some viewers so tread carefully, but if you’re like me and don’t mind some unsolved mysteries at the end of your story, you will really like this movie.

Another aspect of this movie I enjoyed was how much detail was put in to convince you these immortal characters had lived an incomprehensibly long time. For example, they all spoke many, many languages. It’s a neat detail because yes if I lived hundreds of years, I too would have learned all the languages my friends know and then a couple more just to keep it spicy. I also loved how the characters had names appropriate to when they were born, but they shortened them to modern names (Andromache of Scythia goes by Andy). But at the end of the day, it was fantastic acting that sold these immortal characters. The way they were portrayed, from the way they walked and talked to the way they interacted with non-immortals, brought home how long these characters had been alive and how much they had seen over the years. It was all in the eyes, and the actors and actresses did a great job.

At its heart, this is an action movie so it’s important to mention the action. I loved that the women were allowed to beat the crap out of men without making it weirdly sexual. The women characters also beat the crap out of each other without making it sexual, which was very refreshing. I can’t say whether or not this can be attributed to the director being a woman, but that is my suspicion. I also appreciated that this movie allowed their immortal characters to use a fun blend of modern and ancient weapons. Guns are fine, but ancient battle axes are so much better.

What I liked least about the action in The Old Guard is that it was often too dark (as in the lighting was poor). There were whole sequences I could not see because they were meant to be happening at night. I want to watch a movie at 3pm on my laptop and I can’t see in the dark. With my screen brightness at maximum, there were several scenes that were trying to show a dark room or a midnight fight, but all I could see was a black screen. I could understand if this had come out in theaters and was meant to be viewed on the big screen, but The Old Guard is a Netflix Original.

There were also a few tropes in this movie that I am not a fan of. I use the word ‘tropes’ loosely here meaning something I’ve seen often in media; and there are a couple in The Old Guard that I never want to see again. The ones in this movie include: the not-self-aware-immoral-scientist trope, the we-used-to-have-POCs-in-our-group-but-they-died-off-screen trope, and the let’s-kill-a-bunch-of-brown-people-for-exposition trope.

First of all, I’m tired of scientists who want to be evil, but hid behind the “it’s for the good of humanity” spiel. As a scientist, I know that if you got a degree you also took ethics training. You might not have liked it, you might have thought that was ‘limiting your potential,’ but we all know the rules and we are all smart enough to know where the line is. I’m not saying that there shouldn’t be immoral scientists in media. I’m saying that it is not believable for a scientist to think that the world will be behind them when they unveil a new product or research that has so clearly been done in an unethical manner. You are not getting a Nobel Prize for your torture research, Karen. It’s not going to happen and you know that. You can’t even discuss your methods, Karen. How do you think you are going to get published?

Second of all, I personally hated when they revealed that a group of immortals was super diverse a thousand years ago. It’s good that there was a lot of diversity in the original group of protagonists, but the only one that survived was the white woman and all the other immortals since have been light-skinned dudes. I’m tired of being told that almost all the diversity died off. It feels like the person writing the story wanted points for including diverse people without having to write a diverse story. It’s the same emotion as when Thanos snapped the majority of the POC out of the MCU. I’m exhausted.

Lastly, if a story needs to quickly paint their protagonists as hyper competent fighters, a common opening scene is having the group kill their way through a horde of evil henchmen. The problem I have is when this opening scene happens in some far off land that the story never returns to and the people the protagonists murder their way through are all black or brown while the protagonists are all light skinned. To me it's disrespectful to have the majority of a story to happen in the US or the UK and only travel to a Middle Eastern or African nation to kill a bunch of people who don’t look like the protagonists.

That being said, the diversity of the main cast by the end of the movie was actually above average as far as popular superhero movies go. In the beginning, there were mostly light-skinned dudes and the new immortal is the main source of diversity, but by the end the group of protagonists is one of the most diverse teams we have right now with multiple women, multiple non-straight characters and multiple people of color.  

Other things that stood out about this movie were the soundtrack and the message of the story. A good score is critical for a good movie and The Old Guard delivers with music that kept me grounded in the story and seemed to enhance every emotion throughout the story. The Old Guard also ended up extremely wholesome for an R rated movie. The story’s themes revolve around family, purpose and acceptance and the characters are all the more compelling because of it.

Overall, I had a great time watching this movie and I highly recommend it for fans of action, immortals and/or wholesome media. The Old Guard is a fun ride with fabulous characters that will leave you energized and inspired!

~TideMod

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 96

96

James could suck the exhaust pipe of the van for all Keith cared. Werewolves were huge, far bigger than the normal family dog or what most people thought. Yet with all that size came zero brain cells. Keith in a huff, not able to stop thinking of Lance and slightly murderous thanks to James loudly mocking him for his “Breeder Boyfriend”. So much for not making a fucking thing out of it, and you know, not putting Lance in extra danger. Sure. He smelt like Lance, before he’d been sprayed top to bottom with that horrible floral crap he and Shiro had used on their scent last time, but if their positions were reversed, Keith wouldn’t be attempting to humiliate him through his boyfriend. He knew it was his name that made James mad... and that he was so close to Shiro, but that wasn’t his fault. He never ever wanted the extra attention.

Worried about his boyfriend’s behaviour, Coran was going to have Curtis check in and maybe stay with Lance. Keith felt like it was something else than birthday blues because he knew birthday depression far too well. He wished he could get Lance out of his mind. Being mad a James helped with that, but that anger was mostly about his comments about Lance, so his mind kept drifting back to his boyfriend as he triple checked his snipers scope. He understood why Coran told him to be extra careful before he left. Vampires had their own set of rules, not terribly considerate towards hunters in that respect. Maybe he really has become soft working here, and actually feeling appreciated for himself. Training his scope onto the recon team, things slowly dissolved to shit as shots rang out. They’d supposed to get the lay of the land and decide from there whether to engage with the werewolves and continue surveillance, the mission plan was basic about the initial components, but being discovered so soon to arriving and in the middle of the freakin’ day was not planned. The first surveillance team had like no contact with the targets. They’d pretty much hadn’t seen anything, and they’d been watching from sun up until relief. Even if it did give them the advantage, some wank stain had ruined everything with that first shot

“Open up the roofs, get us some light in there”

In other words fire a dozen shots into the steel roofing over their target buildings.

There were three target buildings in the shipyard. Keith think he’d thought about there actually be a ship yard in Platt, seeing it was Platt, but the actual words for a place where they constructed ship parts escaped him. Other than the sea of buildings, truck yards, trucks and about 20,000 shipping containers to hide between... they couldn’t shut down the docks without raising suspicion, so instead power for 15 city blocks had gone down with press releases that the problem was being worked on. The Blades didn’t fuck around. Everything outside the mission was null and void until they came back. He shouldn’t be sitting there wondering if Lance would have shot someone’s balls off if he’d been in Keith’s position, no matter if it brought a smile to his face at the thought. Taking aim, he fired at the roof of the closest building, as it was breeched by agents. There were more Blades here than he’d seen in Platt in the whole time since Kolivan waltzed in.

“Explosive device recovered... fall back. Teams X, R, M, rerouting”

Explosives were usually a Blade thing when evidence needed to disappear. Keeping the communication clipped, it failed to warn him it was discovered on a rooftop some 50metres from his position. He didn’t know he was supposed to run until the screams of an unfortunate Blade member filled his ears and huge explosion went off towards the gates of the yard. With the roof blown sky high, Keith was gathering up his rifle and running, before a second device triggered... then the third, this time taking off the side of a storage shed. If that didn’t scream “motherfucking setup”, then Keith didn’t know what did. Nearly clear of the roof, the roofing beneath his feet shifted, Keith losing his step and nearly getting himself killed as he fell off the side of the building and onto a pile of electrical reels... which really hurt. He was getting in mentally before the mocking started. Lance would have a hundred puns to annoy him with after he punched him in the dick for nearly getting hurt.

Being winded saved him as the barred windows to the left and right of the reels blew outwards, glass, concrete and metal showering over him. Had he been getting to his feet, he’d have taken the shrapnel head on, not copping parts second hand as the reels went up in flames. Lance was going to be pissed. You only went after roofs when you knew someone was hiding there or you suspected snipers... Fuck. He had to move and pull back. Something else had been blown up and the air stank from burning things that shouldn’t be burnt. Gathering up his rifle, he was half crash tackled before being pulled along towards the front gate. The mysterious figure was dressed in black, yet he instantly knew they weren’t a Blade member.

Short of the collective of hunter’s, they reached another figure dressed in all black. Hunching over to catch his breath, the first figure who’d pulled him along cackled

“Look at him. Human’s really aren’t good for anything”

Narti?! What the fuck?

“Careful. We need to fall back”

And Ezor? Or was it Zethrid? Which was the tall one again?

“But I wanna take him home”

“This place holds no leads for us. Leave him to return with the human”

Narti crossed her arms

“That’s enough, Ezor. Narti will be mad we meddled as it is”

Ohhh... not Narti... that actually kind of made him feel better... Narti was the grumpy one... Ezor wanted to have fun. He needed to remember that

“Fiiiine”

Ezor licked the pad of her gloved thumb, before reaching and rubbing at spot on his mask

“Good as new. Right. Off you run”

Keith found his voice. He couldn’t let the two of them run off when they knew something

“Wai-...”

“Don’t go getting emotional on us little Keefy. I know you want to join us, but you’re a human and we have a strict no humans allowed rule. Until next time”

With that the pair of them were off, heading back towards the chaos. Feeling every bit of his bruised body, Keith started limping over to where the hurt hunters were getting immediate medical treatment. Had Lotor sold them out? Or was he following them? What the fuck was going on? And where the fuck was Shiro? He was going to kill him very slowly if he’d gotten himself killed.

*

The clean up was worse than falling off the roof. Why the didn’t have a back up team in the sewer system Keith didn’t know, because that’s how their pray had escaped. Right down the jagged hole middle of the building... and of course the arseholes had taken everything with them. It was a mess he was glad he didn’t have to deal with. Fuck being in Kolivan or Krolia’s shoes right now. He didn’t even want to be in his own shoes. He’d traded his sniper rifle for a pair of hand guns, but there really wasn’t anything to do... because thankfully he wasn’t a werewolf with an overdeveloped sense of smell. Ezor and Zethrid weighed on his mind, he hadn’t the chance to tell anyone he’d seen them there, and Shiro was too busy first with the mission, then fussing over him.

Leaving the cleanup crew still working, Keith was still late to Lance’s birthday dinner. Shiro was late too, but that was okay because he wasn’t dating Lance. Between getting back to VOLTRON, showering, changing, and not being able to talk to Coran thanks to the fae being busy as fuck with the Blades mess, he was still late. Heading into the restaurant with Shiro, Curtis was the first to notice, out of his seat and throwing his arms around Shiro within moments of his noticing him.

Lance was sitting with Pidge in his lap, there was a smile on his lips that didn’t turn genuine until he set his eyes on Keith. The warmth in his smile and the relief in his eyes. That was everything he needed after what’d happened. Keith felt like walking bag of bruises that Lance wouldn’t be happy about. It was a shame Coran and Allura weren’t there, but Lance was and that was all he cared about.

Shooing Pidge out his lap, Pidge grumbled over being evicted. Lance reaching for him, and Keith nearly tripped over his own feet in his rush to get to his boyfriend. There had to be rules about two people sitting in the same seat, this wasn’t like Sal’s or at a pub, the place was fancy, but their table was slightly hidden by a jutting room divider. Sinking into his boyfriend’s hold, Lance slipped his arm around his waist, his lips finding Keith’s with practiced ease. Sharing three small kisses, ending as Keith hissed over his scratched lips. Now he was sitting, he wasn’t sure he had the energy to ever get up again. His boyfriend smelt so nice. A little sweet, and little muddly, but comfortingly like him.

Nuzzling into his cheek, Keith expected Pidge to carry on or tease them for being “gross”. Curtis must have filled them all in the mission going sideways. Softly, Lance asked

“Babe?”

“I’m okay...”

He was ready for bed... Cake, Lance and bed. Lance, cake, Lance, and bed sounded better. Or Lance and cake in bed...

“You sure? Curtis...”

“Yeah. A bit shell shocked and bruised but so much better for being here”

Lance kissed his cheek

“I’m not going to be happy later, am I?”

“Mmmm, maybe not, but I’m in one piece and I didn’t take direct damage. I’ll be fine, I promise you, babe”

His ears weren’t ringing and he had both eyebrows so that was a win.

“Okay. You’ve had your time to talk. Now tell us about this mission of yours”

Matt scooched his chair closer. Shiro groaned at him. With him and Curtis sitting down, the seating arrangement around the table was Lance, Miriam, Pidge, Rieva, Matt, Hunk, Shiro, Curtis, with the chair closest to Lance left open for him, though that had probably already been used by Pidge until he arrived. Curtis explained

“Vampires blew up the depot. You know the transport and manufacturing depot. Yeah, well, their going to have a hell of time explaining that away. Though I suppose with the power black out they’ll say some compound became unstable from lack of refrigeration. It makes Allura’s, Lance’s, and Keith’s previous mission pretty void for now. Werewolves have been deployed to scent track”

Mami was the first to voice her worry

“Oh my dear! Neither of you were hurt were you?”

Pidge a little less sensitive in her worries

“Dude, did you get blown up?”

Shiro shook his head, Keith content with no explaining... though it niggled at him not to mention Zethrid and Ezor. He’d talk to Coran about it. He was more tactful with handling this kind of thing, plus Keith kind of feared being scolded by Kolivan for receiving help from the “enemy”

“No. A few other members were injured. I thought we lost Keith, but he’d already drawn back”

Shit. Lance would worry

“They gave the order to. I didn’t think we’d be worrying about being blown up after nothing happening on first shift. They must have used the time from the moment they detected us to that shot firing to retreat. But we’re both okay, Mami. You don’t need to worry”

“As my son, I’m afraid I do. Do you know long it look Lance to bring home such a nice catch? I was beginning to believe I’d be dead before it happened”

Lance scolded his Mami

“Mami! You can’t say things like that”

Miriam laughing it off

“Consider it a perk of being old. They give you the good stuff when they think you’re a bit nutty. Now, we didn’t order for you two boys, and by the sound of it you both need a good meal and rest”

Matt snickered

“I doubt Keith’s going to be getting any of that”

Keith was now sure he was missing something. His anxiety started curling in his gut. This was why he hated being late. He hated feeling like he was on the outside

“Okay. No more picking on Keith. Babe, I’ll tell you later. Mami’s right. You need to eat something. I’m happy you came home safe”

“Yeah. Me too...”

Pidge finally butting in

“And now you’re being gross again. This is supposed to be a nice dinner to celebrate Lance. You’ve got witnesses”

Keith forced himself to slide from Lance’s lap to the empty chair. Ordering felt like too much effort

“Careful, gremlin. I’ve got stories of my own remember”

Pidge scowled at Lance

“I’m going to find a way to make you forget all those embarrassing stories”

Lance picked up his wine glass, mischief in his eye

“I’d like to see you try. Your mother’s potted plants came straight to mind”

“Ugh! I hate you... Matt, Lance is being mean”

“You’re the one who tried to spray paint mum’s plants so she couldn’t tell you’d killed them”

Keith sucked in his lips, trying not to bark out a laugh lest he also be accused of betraying her. He could see Pidge doing that so clearly... or trying to frame Matt for it. Grabbing her knife she faked stabbing herself in the heart, letting herself fall forward dramatically as she whispered

“I’ve been betrayed by both of you. Run, Keith, take Hunk. Be free!”

Flopped on the table, Matt poked at her

“Right. Well, I call dibs on her piece of cake”

Miraculously Pidge was revived

“Touch me piece of cake and I’ll tell Rieva how you couldn’t sleep with your light off until you were 15”

Matt was unruffled

“Seeing you already have, your piece is now forfeit”

“Noooo... Shiro, is there like a training collar for werewolves? I’m going to have to teach him to respect his little sister”

“Notice how you only refer to yourself like that when you’re trying to win me over”

“You can’t be mean! I’m a poor defenceless human”

“Defenceless my left testicle. You’re as defenceless as a barbed wire fence with the personality to match”

“If anything Lance is the “steely” one”

Lance raised an eyebrow

“If I’m so steely, why is it that my home was invaded by a cow today? Pidge, we know you better than to know you won’t go for a kick to balls if you’re cornered. Matt, stop upsetting the gremlin. She can have cake, but only before midnight”

“Why before midnight?”

The words slipped right out, their friends laughing at him... including Mami. Obviously it was some kind of pop culture reference he wasn’t getting. At least Lance was nice enough to comfort him

“Oh, babe. You’re exhausted. We’ll watch the movie when we next get a free weekend”

“Which won’t be for another two weeks”

Lance groaned, cheeks red and hunching down as he did

“Maaaaatt. Shut up”

“Why another two weeks?”

Lance spluttered, replying too fast

“Oh, you know, work and stuff. Stop teasing him before I talk to him about it”

“Fine. But on a serious note, you’re prepared right?”

“Curtis helped me out this afternoon”

“Good. Keith, make sure you take care of him”

He’d had enough of being confused

“What the fuck is going on?”

“Thanks, guys. Babe, come order with me. I’ll order for you too, Shiro, while I’m at it. You all suck”

Keith didn’t know “ordering” meant a trip to the men’s room. Lance splashing his face with water as Keith hung back towards the door. Catching his gaze in the mirror, Lance smiled at him, though it was one of those faked smiles that should be banned

“Sorry. Matt’s been like this all afternoon”

“You want to tell me what’s going on? I haven’t been able to get out my head how you looked at me when I left”

Lance ducked his head, turning off the tap, that blush was sneaking back in

“I... uh... okay. So don’t be mad, and you totally don’t have to be there if you don’t want to... I... um... I’m preheat”

What the what now?

“Preheat?”

“You know how werewolves get horny in spring but before that they’re all like super affectionate and make sure they’re well stocked and safe? Yeah, I’m that”

“You haven’t been preheat before. You kind of just go into heat”

Lance huffed. Turning, he crossed his arms and stared at his feet

“Thank you, Captain Obvious. Curtis came by earlier because you’d talked to Coran and we kind of figured it out together. I drank your blood like 3ish months ago... I’m either pregnant or preheat... and seeing we use protection... well... yeah. Matt reckons he smelt it on me. Rieva agrees. My... uh... scent’s sweeter and stronger ‘cause apparently my body is trying to tell you I need looking after and stuff. Look, I was going to tell you at the hotel, but Matt hasn’t stopped teasing me and it’s not fair you don’t know. He told the others were having a romantic week together... but I’m not forcing you to be there. I mean, we don’t know how long it will last and can you please say something because I’m kind of freaking the fuck out and embarrassed as hell about how I acted last time”

“So this is a thing?”

Smooth. Real smooth. A heat was better than a baby... but a proper heat... Hadn’t he had a long enough day as it was? Now he was being unfair to Lance

“Yep. Surprise”

And Lance sounded resigned

“I... Okay. Neither of us know much about this really and honestly I’m pretty much asleep on my feet and the only thinking happening isn’t much. But you can’t act like I don’t want to be there with you”

“And you can’t act like I didn’t freak you the fuck out last time. You went through that all for me! When do I finally get to do something for you!? It isn’t fair! I hate this body of mine. I just want to be a good boyfriend!”

Lance covered his mouth. Keith kind of felt like punching him in the dick. If Lance could tell, so could he!

“Why do you have to be like that? You can’t help it!”

“Because I’m this! This is me! What I want is to go back to you living with me and none of this other shit even happening! You’re too fucking good to me!”

“You’re the good one! I woke up this morning and realised I hadn’t even gotten a present!”

“I don’t need a present! All I want is you!”

“It’s your birthday!”

“And all I wanted was to be with you!”

“I’m here now! Again!”

“And I don’t want to leave at the end of it!”

“Then why are you yelling?!”

Keith spluttered

“I don’t know! You yelled back at me!”

“I was yelling because you were yelling! I miss living with you!”

“And I miss having you around! I miss it! I miss it and I can’t change it because I won’t put you in danger... I can’t lose you”

Both of them stared at each other, Keith moving at the same time as Lance... more or less crashing into each other than a romantic moment. Wrapping his arms around Lance, Lance held onto his jacket

“I miss you, Keith. I know I’m supposed to be the cool older one... but sometimes it hard to go home”

As hard as it was to go back to “normal” life while Lance wasn’t around

“I miss you too. You’re like... the good thing in my life I still can’t believe I have... I... confession time, Shiro helped me with your present”

“Confession time, I don’t mind. We’re working out this boyfriend thing together... I’m haunted by the memories of things I’ve written in cards”

That seemed to be a common theme. Keith wasn’t too sure about what he’d written in Lance’s card

“Shiro said the same thing this morning”

“I’m far too much on his wavelength”

“Bad taste in music. Odd taste in men. A constant need to talk thing out...”

“Don’t forget I care about you. I don’t want people caught up in this that shouldn’t be. I’m ruggedly handsome and mysterious... Um. I... care about you”

“You said that twice”

Lance sighed against him

“I really do. When Curtis said things went south my heart nearly stopped. Three months isn’t long enough... not to be around you. Not to know you...”

Lance was being too adorable and too sweet. Keith couldn’t lie to him about today

“I’m okay... Don’t tell Shiro but I fell off a roof and was saved by a pile of electrical cable spools”

“Babe!”

“And then Ezor saved me. She was there with Zethrid”

“Keith! What the hell!?”

“I don’t know why they were there, probably poking into the same things as us...”

“God. Why can’t you Blades be bloody careful!?”

“I was falling back when it happened... does that count?”

“Yes, but, babe... are you sure you’re okay? Did you hit your head? Do you know where you are?”

“I’m in some weird restaurant with some weird guy?”

“That isn’t funny!”

Lance was in tears now. He’d teased him too much. Kissing Lance’s hair, his boyfriend was still clutching him, Keith wondered if the jacket would forever retain the marks from how hard of a grip Lance had on him

“I’m fine. The suit protected me for the most part. The worst I got was a little winded and a few bruises. I’m with my boyfriend, on his birthday, which is the only place I want to be”

“I... You’re not allowed to scare me like that. You’re too important”

“I know. I only had to survive for Shiro before, now I have you... and... maybe I think I want to survive for myself”

“I should punch you in the dick”

It’d be deserved. Lance wore his heart on his sleeve and Keith really loved that about him

“Please don’t”

Lance sniffled softly, still angry despite crying

“Only because it’s you asking... You have to tell Shiro you saw them there. It could be important”

“I’m going to let Coran know”

“And Shiro”

That wasn’t a conversation he relished the thought of

“He’ll worry... How about I tell them together?”

“Fine. As long as you swear you’ll tell them”

“Only because it’s you asking. We should get back”

“I suppose so... I’m so fucking relieved you’re alright”

“I know... me too, babe. I wouldn’t miss being here with you for anything”

“You’re such a fucking sap... but... I really like you. I know it’s your job, and this preheat is making me extra emotional... but... the world is better for having you in it”

What was he supposed to say to that? It was Lance’s birthday but he felt like he was the one who’d been given the best present of his life.

[chipchopclipclop]

Any ships for the Witcher?

I GOT ALOT

this WAS under a readmore BC TUMBLR LIKES TO BREAK WHEN YOU EDIT ASKS I GUESS bc it started to get embarrassingly long but im pretty much a multi shipper in any fandom or thing im into but also especially with geralt if hes involved bc i like to hc him as being in love with like…80 percent of the people he knows and is a hashtag #openrelationship king bc the way this game treats him being weirdly exclusive annoys the fuck out of me we, live in our city now.

geralt is involved

Geralt/Dandelion - ouch my dick ouch my balls the original brain dick pounding. I pretty much like any iteration of them with each other but no show geralt bc game geralt is superior in every way 2 me (PERSONAL PREF PLS NO FLAME (him with no beard is fucked up also)) i usually dont like the pair though if people depict dandy as some… naive pure waif or some such…. this man is a hoe and stupid through and through dont overlook this. its important.

I am also actually am a sucker for geralt singing his praises quietly fr no goddamn reason aside from hes infatuated with him and getting weirdly defensive about him and everyone else around him is just like. Christ. this is influenced by me never being able to pick the bully options when i was playing w3 ( i am whipped)

Geralt/Eskel/Lambert - soon as i knew they were more wolf witchers my brain entered a state of superflux. which means i followed them around making mooney eyes constantly, Im more fond of Geralt/Eskel leg of this ot3 bc they have such. old married couple energy and i am in love with Eskel but i love and respect our king lambert as well and he deserves a good ramming, DONT WE ALL? I REST MY CASE.

i also like to think like geralt, the two are pretty open relationship wise by nature tho i could say this about any of these characters bc i like poly hawhaw but something about witchers being seen as unemotional and unfeeling but these guys just having alot of love to give to each other and with others…poetry 😔

Geralt/Yennefer - i have complicated feelings on this pairing bc the show confounded me in how it happened and then it felt so faking weird in w3 bc of all the weird jealousy love triangle stuff i was forced to sit through as well as yen p much just calling me a dumbass donkey every hour before being like alright. time to fuck randomly. and it was executed bad. i didn’t like it and it was bad.

BUT. the potential here is still good and i like a cagey yennefer who finds it hard to trust opening up more slowly to geralt bc hes just like. straightforward…. i think their convo on the boat was kind of cute too… i think i just am really not into the THEY’RE TIED BY DESTINY TO EACH OTHER. LIKE. LITERALLY. aspect of their relationship especially when they seem to clash to hard against it. when she broke the wish with the djinn though and they were acting sweet with each other it made me kinda 🥺 uhu…. my goth wife….

i also dont mind these two deciding they work better together platonically as well though and being like, chummy exes lolol the ribbing that would entail…

Geralt/Yennefer/Dandelion - i think aqua gave me the idea for this but i am tickled by the thought of Dandelion landing himself TWO powerful beau’s who will step in to defend him from the stupid shite he gets himself into 24/7. Yennefer walking in front of him while he gets cussed out by someone just saying “Is there a problem?” smiling menacingly… does that not fuck…. i say it does !

i think her and dandelion’s relationship is just…..very funny and not dramatic so its very fun to think about even romantically. and also geralt is there and plays the beleaguered straight man.

Geralt/Regis - i am putting this here even if i have not finished blood and wine yet bc oh my godddddddddddddddddddddddddddd [smacks head with rock] also my first interaction with w3 was watching a friend play one of his quests with another friend and and all three of us go mad bc we were like IS THIS MEANT TO BE DRIPPING WITH SEXUAL TENSION AND INNUENDO. WHAT IS GOING ON. ARE WE LOSING IT. HELLO. we all deserve a big word speaking vampire boyfriend

Keira/Geralt - they are cute…. i dont need to defend myself….her being so pompous around him is so funny 2 me

Geralt/Zoltan - i like zoltan okay, actually these two have similar retired dad energy but zoltan is the one who makes them go out for date night still

Geralt/Zoltan/Dandelion - i am thinking about it i am thinking about it

edit: Yennefer/Eskel/Geralt/Lambert - poki put this idea in my head just now GEE YENNEFER HOW COME YOUR MOM LETS YOU SMASH THREE WITCHERS?

not geralt centric

Triss/Yennefer - oh my god they were schoolmates.png and yenn calling triss her best friend made me go hmmmghhh 🥺 also im sick of this series being like oh no my best friend slept with my boyfriend, DRAMA! they are also dating okay shut up #lovewins, i need to intake more witcher content to further solidify these two as a pair in my head but its on the agenda. i am looking. i am watching. WAITING.

Eskel/Dandelion - take my faves and smack them together like barbie dolls also dandelion having a type thats just - witcher is comedy gold on top of that? eskel being flattered a pretty dude like this is into him…cute

Ciri/That One Readhead Girl Whose Name I Forgot - you know in the quest where ciri asks you to come around with her in novigrad and help thank the people who helped her and one was the cute barmaid with freckles, they were so cute what the fuck it lasted all of 5 minutes and i cant stop thinking about it, ciri’s government assigned girlfriend (i am the government)

Regis/Dandelion - when i was walking around his sick basement in w3 he had a book that dandelion has written about him in there… and all it said was nice things… and regis kept it in clear view? much to consider… thinking on this….

Priscilla/Dandelion - these two…surprisingly wholesome… also god i love bards. i dont think about the end of the quest where she gets owned for no reason they’re just faking chilling in novigrad making bank. ALSO i still cant believe these two dont come with you when you’re forming the avengers crew to defend kaer morhen how r they gonna write about it if they arent there !!!!!!! let them sit in the rafters and throw bombs conspiratorially !!!!! smh !!!!!

Priscilla/Yennefer - think pris having a hero crush on yennefer is very cute… she meets her for the first time and her thoughts r just oh god shes even prettier than the song said she was [brain explodes into mush] also her singing about her when geralt rocks up dare i say gay activity ?

Keira/Lambert - find it very funny w3 was like ‘and then keira decided to pick up lambert to roam around with her like he’s some weird fucking stray cat whos hair she likes to fuss over’ also lambert being forced to behave around her scholarly friends lmfao

Dandelion/Everyone okay - this man be fucking

[edwardsvirginity]

And now... I introduce my best friend to Eclipse! 

--0000000--

[riley’s first appearance]

Friend: who's that

mike?

(the rest of the commentary for the movie is under the readmore!)

--0000000--

[bella reciting the opening monologue: some say the world will end in fire…]

Friend: wow…drama queen

--0000000--

[Edward and bella in the meadow]

Friend: is this real or is this more of her crazy headspace

--0000000--

Edward: marry me

Bella: I have an English final

Friend: wow……. Rude

--0000000--

[Charlie grounding bella]

Friend: charlie…. is the only sane character tbh lmfao

he knows an abusive relationship when he sees one

--0000000--

[Edward sabatoges bella’s truck]

Friend:  Y I K E S

A B U S I V E

this is not romantic lol

--0000000--

Renee: I just want to make sure ur making the right choices for you

Friend: she's NOT

--0000000--

[renee gives bella the quilt from all their trips]

Friend: awwww

except she's selling out her fam for bloodsuckers

--0000000--

[all the cullens wait for Victoria in the forest]

Friend: is it whatshername

the redheaded bitch

--0000000--

Friend: i'm just gonna say….alice and carlisle are the only valid vampires

Me: whyso?

Friend: idk anything about jasper and emmett, edward is weird, who else even is there

--0000000--

Me: [pauses movie because a spider has appeared by my head and I’m freaking out]

[it lands on my laptop and I scream and close it]

Ok… we can resume

Friend: what happened?

Me: [explains]

Him: ? ? ? why didn't you kill it?!

Me: killing it requires getting close enough to touch it, and that's Too Close

i don't kill spiders

anyway

Him: what?!? lmfao

you don't kill spiders

Me: killing them is too scary

Him: i'd rather kill it and know it's dead than wonder where it is

wow

me: i just scream until someone else comes to do it for me

him: that's a lot to take in

--0000000--

[jake confronting Edward about being on their territory]

Edward: I was trying to protect u by not telling u abt Victoria

Friend: mmmm yikes

bella just needs to move tf back to florida

this is….Too Much

--0000000--

[bella goes to lapush]

Friend: tbh i like his pack

--0000000--

Leah: if ur here to torture jake some more u can leave

Friend: oooooh

burn

--0000000--

[movie introduces imprinting]

Friend: tbh i think that whole concept is insane™ and i dont get it

bc it like absolves you of your own…actions

& removes the other person's choice

it's really fucking creepy

--0000000--

Friend: also it would be soooo weird to be able to read people's thoughts

Me: i know it would freak me out

i would hate being able to hear everything my packmates thought

Friend: i don't need anyone else to know how horny i am

--0000000--

[Jacob arguing with bella about the cullens]

Jacob: theyre not even alive

Friend: "they're not even alive" y i k e s

--0000000--

[riley creeping in bella’s house]

Friend: man i'd be sleepin with a shotgun lmfao

& like 12 dogs

--0000000--

[Edward yelling at bella abt bella disappearing with jake]

Me: he’s so overprotective

Friend: she needs it tho

Me: because she's such a danger magnet?

Friend: um….yeah

& she is a fucking damsel in distress

she has no power of her own :((

--0000000--

Friend: he's so…ugly

me: Edward?

Friend: yeah ……….

--0000000--

[Jake appears shirtless]

Edward: doesn’t he own a shirt

Friend: “doesn't he own a shirt"

LMFAO edward voicing my thoughts

--0000000--

[Edward kissing bella before passing her off to jake, who immediately hugs her]

Friend: the way they …. fight with each other by using her body :|

--0000000--

Friend: what do native americans think of this?

Me: [explains]

Friend: so what is the redeeming quality of these movies exactly lmfao

Me: they’re… fun?

Friend: i guess

like indiana jones

racist trash, but fun(?)

--0000000--

Me: I hate his sideburns in this movie

Friend: don't think they're that bad

his whole face tho is not great

especially pale af

--0000000--

[nonconsensual kiss scene]

Jake: ill fight until ur heart stops beating

Bella: u wont have to wait for long

Friend: YIKES

--0000000--

[Edward and Jake fighting post-punch]

Jake: she’s not sure what she wants

Friend: Y I K E S

--0000000--

[Carlisle bandaging bella]

Friend: carlisle is so hot

i wanna marry dr. carlisle

the way he medicines everyone up…

wow

 [..]

edward is useless

seduce Carlisle

 [..]

edward's been alive 100 years and hasn't become a doctor??? c'mon

--0000000--

[Rosalie killing her rapists]

Friend: LM FAO

love that

W O W

that's a more interesting story than bella's LMFAO

--0000000--

[Rosalie trying to convince bella to stay human]

Rose: there’s one thing you’ll want more than Edward… one thing you’ll kill for… blood

Friend: ohhh….

SHE REAL

--0000000--

Friend: & also bella's assumption that Edward is That Great

she's 18….. she hasn't even TRIED college boys

 [..]

has she even had sex with anyone, ever?

--0000000--

Friend: Evil Dakota Fanning is ….. scary af

--0000000--

Friend: i'll say what i want about stephanie meyer being a fucked up mormon…. but her music taste is p good

Me: she didn’t do the soundtracks

Friend: ummm…i remember stephanie meyer specifically thanking Muse in her books

in the "acknolwedgements" section

 or did you, the twilight princess, not read that part

--0000000--

[graduation party]

Friend: I feel like there should be a twilight spoof..

where a high school girl has to choose between dating a furry and a goth

bc that's what this feels like to me

--0000000--

Friend: he freaks me out

the beefy one

--0000000--

[training scene]

Friend: jasper's kinda sexy too

well, everyone looks good next to robert :|

--0000000--

[jasper’s backstory]

Friend: jasper was a confederate soldier?!?!??!

what?? lmfao

confederate vampires? thanks i hate it

--0000000--

Friend: didn't he have like a life and morals before becoming a vampire or

i mean i guess he's a confederate so maybe not but

--0000000--

[jasper’s backstory]

Friend: he just listens to her lmfao

his Evil Mexican Bruja

--0000000--

[about Victoria]

Friend: she should just make someone sexy a vampire and fuck them tho

she has the power here

--0000000--

[about Jacob]

Friend: is there a REASON he never wears a shirt?

--0000000--

[Jake trying to convince bella she has feelings for him]

Jake: you can love more than one person… like sam, Emily, and leah

Friend: thruple!

that's the only resolution here

jacob & edward need to fuck each other and get over it

there's too much tension between them

--0000000--

Alice: you and Edward will have the house to yourself tonight

Friend: oooooo

Alice: you’re welcome

Friend: LMFAO

alice is a bro

--0000000--

Bella [immediately after the scene with Alice]: hey dad, I was wondering

Friend: hey dad… i was wondering. do you have any condoms

--0000000--

Bella: dad I’m a virgin

Friend: not for long….

--0000000--

Friend: but like honestly it's all so deeply unclear to me

he has like no blood, right?

HOW does he get hard

Me: he’s always hard

Friend: i don't think that's how that works

--0000000--

[Edward and bella in edward’s room]

Bella: I wanna ask u something

Friend: "can we fuck"

--0000000--

Friend: i feel like "becoming a vampire" is just a metaphor for "losing virginity"

--0000000--

[Bella tried to jump Edward]

Edward: bella…no

Friend: ???????????

they already kiss and stuff?????????

Me: yeah

i think he's worried he'd like. fuck her to death

idk… her vulva is delicate i guess

 Friend: they could do some Other Stuff

Me: yeah i know

edward is just…. too old school to understand anything but piv

Friend: fuck her to death…with his flaccid vampire dick

 [..]

this is so………Weird

?????????? sex is not a sin

--0000000--

[Edward talking abt how he would have courted bella in 1918]

Friend: ???????????? i dont believe that at all

people fucked in the 1800s

edward is a fucking weirdo

[Edward starts his grand speech]

Friend: Ew

this is…. a Lot

tbh it's Not Sexy that he can't adapt to a more feminist era

[Edward proposes]

Friend: this is…… a Lot

he Keeps Asking

[bella accepts]

Friend: she's only saying yes because she's horny!!!!

--0000000--

Friend: also….tbh it's sad that these vampires have to deny their instincts and have no control over themselves

like ….maybe they should just be euthanized

 Me: :O

Friend: is it fair to deny them their nature???

we don't force tigers to be vegetarians

what is the difference

Me: because… they're sentient and intellectual and can decide for themselves not to eat humans

Friend: i'm not sure i buy that

Me: you think they're not smart enough to make their own decision not to eat humans?

Friend: it seems like they have to be rehabilitated to deny a very natural instinct that they have no control over

are the cullens themselves a metaphor for mormonism?

 Me: yeah but carlisle CHOSE a vegetarial lifestyle… no one forced it on him

Friend: i guess

but at what cost

lmao

--0000000--

[tent scene]

Jacob: I am hotter than u

Friend: LMFAO

--0000000--

Friend: why didn't they bring more blankets?????

how fucking cold is it

Dumbasses

--0000000--

[Edward and jake arguing over bella]

Friend: idk bella….

i'd rather fuck a hot wolf than a freezing rock hard PussyDestroying Vampire

those wolves are HUGE…. huge dicks im sure

--0000000--

[Edward talking about how he doesn’t want bella to be a vamp to jake]

 Friend: i feel like they're Bonding

over their inability to control this woman lmfao

--0000000--

[jake and Edward fighting over bella]

Friend: bella is not that interesting? ? ? ?

--0000000--

Edward: if you weren’t trying to steal bella I might actually like u

Friend: wow

THIS is where they should fuck

t h r u p l e

look deep into each other's eyes

--0000000--

Friend: she'd warm up if they were having sex

--0000000--

[post tent scene]

Friend: she's not even wearing a hat rn

bella…what the fuck

--0000000--

[Edward and bella talking about being engaged, jake overhears]

Bella: it’s the 21st century

Friend: yeah, it is the 21st century…. marry them both

--0000000--

[bella asks jake to kiss her]

Friend: what the FUCK is happening

--0000000--

[bella and jake making out]

Friend: she's not even wearing anything warm

--0000000--

[battle]

Friend: carlisle…. kung fu master

Me: renaissance man

Friend: only breaks the hippocratic oath when absolutely necessary

--0000000--

[confrontation with riley and Victoria, Edward trying to convince riley to turn on Victoria]

Edward: think about it riley.. .you’re from forks… you know the area

Friend: "you're from forks… who would want that"

--0000000--

[Carlisle healing jake]

Friend: god…..my sexy, classy dad

… so smart….. so kind

--0000000--

Bella: I’m not normal

Friend: bella….you are SO normal

the reason every middle school girl read these books and thought they were like bella is bc you are just THAT normal

--0000000--

Edward: I guess we should start planning the wedding

Bella: no… something more difficult first… more dangerous

Friend: is she still talking about her virginity

[inmyarmswrappedin]

Isak season rankings (so far)

I’ve seen people doing this, and while we wait for SKAM Austin to get renewed 🤞 I thought I’d rank the Isak seasons that are out so far, according to my personal preference. People who wanted to read my Matteo and Cris meta, this is the very short version of it. 

Warning: I am super critical in this ranking. If you’d rather read only compliments, don’t click the Read More. 

SKAM s3 – Isak: I don’t consider myself a Skam supremacist or whatever the term in vogue is these days. There are many things about Skam that I’m not happy with. I wasn’t really into the idea of the remakes at first, but when they started coming out I hoped that some of the stuff I had issues with in Skam was handled better in the remakes. That said… I never had issues with season 3. I think it’s as perfect a TV season as it can get. The writing, the acting, the music, the cinematography… Everything has a reason for being there and nothing got unresolved. I don’t feel Isak’s season needs “fixing.” A good remake of Isak’s season, for me, is one that takes what Skam did and flips it and does entirely different things with it, not one that aims to tell the same story with cosmetic changes here and there.

DRUCK s3 – Matteo: I’m not sure if Matteo’s season would be as high for me personally if it weren’t for David, tbh! I fell in love with David before I even knew his name was David. My main issues with Druck s3 are these: Druck put a lot of effort in adapting the original storyline to David and Matteo’s personalities, but I don’t see the same effort with the internalized homophobia storyline. I don’t think the writing is consistent there. I also didn’t like the way they hinted at Matteo having a MI, but never committed to it. In fact, I’m not even sure the writers think Matteo has a MI? When the writers have done interviews they’ve talked of Matteo as a “slacker-type” character, not a character with mental health issues. I also have really mixed emotions about the way David’s outing clip was scripted and shot. But overall I had so much fun watching the season, I love David, I love David and Matteo together, and I love a lot of the musical moments. And honestly, it’s amazing that the writers decided David’s movie was going to be Only Lovers Left Alive, built the whole character around that idea, and that single trait explains so much about how David views himself, Matteo and the world.

SKAM España s2 – Cris: If it weren’t for David’s existence, Cris’ season would have the second spot. My issues with Cris’ season are that I feel like the writers had a much firmer hand when adapting Eva’s season. With Eva, they seemed more confident about getting rid of iconic moments or putting their own spin on them. With Cris, I felt like the criticisms they got in Eva’s season about getting rid of iconic moments made them try and include them even when they didn’t make sense for Cris and Joana. I’m thinking specifically of using 21:21and the pool scene, which had no significance for Cris or Joana’s characters. I also thoroughly hate Lucas getting hate crimed, and yes, it was handled better than in other remakes, but still. I’m from Spain, so yes, I’m aware of the cultural reasons for doing it, and I still think it was unnecessary on every level. (I’ll probably write something longer on this, because I do want to get into the ~cultural reasons,~ but not right now.) The music isn’t amazing because the music licensing costs in Spain are more expensive, but it does affect my overall enjoyment when the use of music was one of the things I loved about Skam. I also think Skam España tried to keep every fandom satisfied, which led to a more scattered season. (That said, compared to Skam’s Sana season, the POV was tight as fuck.) I don’t like that Cris and Joana didn’t have a sex scene. I understand that Irene was a minor at the time, but it doesn’t make up for the fact that Skam and Druck delivered extremely beautiful, non objectified sex scenes, and Skam España didn’t. Now, for the good: aside from the moments I mentioned, Cris and Joana were fully their own characters, Cris isn’t Isak and had her own struggles and character flaws she had to overcome, same for Joana. Cris and Amira’s friendship is everything, and considering how other remakes have handled friendships between a LGBTI character and a character of color, it’s almost enough to declare Skam España the holy grail of remakes. Also, one of the reasons it’s sad that the focus on the girl squad moves to the boy squad for Isak’s season is that the squad is at its most supportive and loving of the main in Isak’s season. By contrast, Eva, Noora and Sana’s seasons are full of betrayal and infighting. It was really so gratifying to get to see the girl squad support and love Cris. I also really liked that it was almost two queer seasons in one, with Cris and Lucas having their own journeys on Youtube and the episodes, which sometimes converged. I also loved the exploration of Viri’s character. Loved the borderline PD awareness content on instagram, for me the only valid use of Minutt for Minutt by a remake. I’m aware of the elephant in the room I’m not mentioning, but I feel like if it hadn’t been for the actors going wild on social media, that scene would have been a non event. Which brings me to…

SKAM Italia s2 – Martino: I really liked Eva Brighi’s season and I was really looking forward to Skam Italia’s take on Isak’s season. I really liked Martino in season 1. Martino’s season opened with a very powerful, factual voiceover of queer Italian people calling into a helpline to set the tableau of what it means to be queer in Italy. And then… it just got off the rails, man. Now, I did finish season 2 (racial slur and all), but I’m not sure I would have if it hadn’t been the first remake of Isak’s season. First off, they switched the order of the seasons, but instead of doing their due diligence and keep developing the Eleonora and Edoardo relationship (like Skam España did), they simply sent Eleonora to the cornfield to avoid having to deal with it. Second, the Skam España writers forced a few Isak and Even elements on Cris and Joana that didn’t fit them… Bessegato forced plenty more elements that didn’t have any relevance to Martino and Niccoló onto them. The obvious network interference when it came to Martino and Niccolò’s intimate scenes. And when I say intimate, I don’t mean sexy sex sex scenes, I mean the scenes that in Skam were Isak and Even existing in their own bubble. In Skam Italia, these scenes were intruded upon by the boy squad again and again. I’m not sure whether the Skam Italia fandom realizes that the reason the Italian boy squad is so loved is because they had a much larger role in Martino’s season that infringed on Martino and Niccolò’s dynamic. Anyway, I thought the boy squad was gross, honestly. The way the volleyball scene was shot was less about Martino’s discomfort and more about close up shots of a 14-year old actress’ sweaty butt and crotch. And for my money, I can’t understand why keeping Francesco Centorame meant they absolutely couldn’t cast an actor of color to play Luca. People talk about wtFOCK using certain tropes for shock value, but can we talk about the way Skam Italia had Niccolò literally run around Milan naked and giggling for the viewer to see? It appears that Skam was too tactful only giving us a glimpse of Even’s bare ass leaving the hotel room. We really needed to sensationalize the whole event, or otherwise it would fly over our heads how serious Niccolò’s crisis was. And Bessegato’s instagram tantrum when called out on Niccolò randomly dropping a racial slur mid-conversation was just the cherry on top. Oh, and I also hated the inclusion of Martino’s mom, but that’s more personal, so I’ll leave it at me having an issue with that decision because of hugely personal reasons I won’t go into. (Edit: I forgot to say that Filippo’s Pride speech is one of the best remakes of that scene, if not the best so far.)

Didn’t finish:

SKAM France s3 – Lucas: Okay, so here’s my Skam France story. Unlike a not small part of the fandom, I did watch s1 shortly after it came out. Now, I love Eva and Isak on Skam, they are two of my very favorites. I didn’t like Emma or Lucas. However, I love Jonas Vasquez and I felt like Yann was the only phase 1 remake Jonas that really did Jonas V justice. Not Jonas A, not Giovanni G, not Marlon F. Yann. So I came into s3 not very interested in Lucas (or Eliott to be completely honest), but fully pumped to see my boy Yann be the supportive friend Jonas had been in Skam and Yann had been in s1 and s2. Folks… I ragequit Skam France the moment Yann abandoned Lucas in that bench. And yeah, it can be argued that, while they used that moment for shock value, they stuck the landing. I personally disagree, the damage was done there, but it can be argued. Anyway, that was the end of episode 6, and by then I knew I didn’t vibe with Lucas (hadn’t liked him since s1 as aforementioned), Eliott had done nothing to get me onboard, couldn’t care less about the girl squad being forced into the season through network mandate, hated Basile and the Daphné/Basile storyline, and was bored as hell of people fawning over Arthur when the character was as lacking in substance as Mahdi, but fandom never went crazy over Mahdi in the same way (fun fact! Despite Skam fandom being much larger than any remake fandom, there were never essays about how great Sacha’s acting was, how carefully constructed his character, there weren’t people fighting for Mahdi-related usernames… I could go on). I simply can’t understand how the writers came up with the whole Polaris thing and then dropped it entirely after episode 4, and didn’t bother coming up with a twist on that motif. (You know, like the R+J and Pretty Woman twist, or how Druck used the vampire motif, or how Skam España used the Dangerous Liaisons motif throughout the season.) Like… Instead of using an existing piece of media, they created one tailored to what they wanted to do, but they didn’t follow through with it? Almost completely wasted the potential of the Lucas/light/darkness symbolism/motif. And, as I’ve mentioned with Skam España, I realize that the music licensing costs for France are astronomical, but again it does affect my overall enjoyment of the show, and the piano music didn’t make up for it.

wtFOCK s3 — Robbe: I gave Skam France six episodes before I quit. By the middle of week 2 of wtfock I was already checked out. The decision to delay Sander’s intro just completely ruined the pacing and anticipation for me. The lack of a tight POV was another nail in the coffin. How utterly loathsome Moyo and Jens were in that first week and a half was another factor. The way they resolved the issue of Milan leaning in for the kiss with Robbe was yet another. The wtfock characters having no nuance (most of them have one character trait, the most any of them have is three) was another. Initially I quit watching because I thought I’d write episode by episode posts, and I wanted to keep my reactions fresh. So I just read the transcripts. And every single thing I read in those transcripts only served to prove I was right in dropping it.  But here’s one thing I liked! I liked the blurring of the fourth wall with the spray painting of the garbage truck and the garbage truck servicing Antwerp at the time the season aired. (I could draw a parallel between the garbage truck being the first motif the season deployed, and how the rest of the season turned out, and... well, I guess I just did.)

[firedragonx]

Action/Adventure(Fanfiction)

Promise to make this list all the way back in summer but this as longer I thought it would so splitting it into parts now.

This is from site fanfciton there will be more Action/Adventure fanfiction coming out soon but on different site like A03.

Note M-is fanfiction that is for mature audiences and if see this * this fanfiction may trigger you.

Shelter By XxWhispxX(*)

So imagine this: you go on vacation but then your parents die along most of the other adults in the world. Then vampires try to take you and bite and they almost kill you. Then a bunch of people took your sister and left because they thought you were dead. Then you wake up kill a dog and found out that you're a vampire. That's how Maisie is living her life now. Yep is a oc fic but the Maisie is interesting and it how the XxWhispxX writes the canon characters are in character. If you want to read a good oc fic then this one is for you.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12492805/1/Shelter

Poke Wars Universe By Cornova(M and  *)

In this fic, Ho-oh declared war on humans and removed pokémon dampeners. Which makes pokémon's move intensely powerful and most just go on a killing spree. If that summary didn't just give it away this is a dark fic but one more action pack then most other dark. It's like a survival game where almost everything is out to get you. This also have an expanded universe which means more fic that has different pov characters to give the world more flesh out. Be forwarn this fics blood and have character death. So you guys know what to look out for.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4480577/1/Poke_Wars_The_Subsistence

Cat'O'Nine Tails By Kaze and Kiba(M and *)

So Sakura is sent undercover to capture Itachi and any other Akatsuki she comes in contact with. Just one thing tho, she has to be disguised as a cat. If that summary didn't just clue you in this story have some comedy moments. Mostly by playing this situation as straight as it is.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5799290/1/Cat-O-Nine-Tails

Pokemon Cold Gray By Blu Rose

So in this story, White is the daughter of Red and can understand Pokémon but after an accident left her crippling fear of Pokémon. Which is why she going on Pokémon journey to learn to get over it. This story is more about character growth and friendship. If that your kind of story then you like this one.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6974190/1/Pokemon-Cold-Gray

Dragonfall By Storylover Vodhr

So this is a bit of a weird one. In this AU Ash is actually a Latios who brought to Delia after his birth mother was attacked by four different evil teams. One of which is original creation call Team Whirlwind who is after the species of Latias and Latios to control Rayquaza. What I like about this is not only we giving a some really worldbuilding in this au but good character development with Ash, Latias(from the movie) and Pikachu. The ocs in this fanfic is well thought out and really good characters. Check it out if you have time.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11133153/1/Dragonfall

Of Stars and Blood Book 1: The Silver Path By JasperLizard

So this all ocs fiction with clans suffer from huge fire and have to leave for a bit in order to recover. There also problems with Shadowclan leader and deputy, Robinkit  and Smallkit are getting a visit by Dark Forest cats, and Twisttail and Stormpaw are trying their best to make it during this journey. All the ocs are wonderful and LGBT+ themes in it. Check it out if you have time.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12420977/1/Of-Stars-and-Blood-Book-1-The-Silver-Path

Kingdom Shinigami By ElementalL'Cie

Basically Hitsugaya Toshiro is a drop-in Kingdom Heart universe. This is really depends if you like Hitsugaya and Kingdom Hearts characters then you like this fic. I personally do like it for that. I like it when a serious character gets dropped into a weird world or vice versa. Make for some great interactions.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12958144/1/Kingdom-Shinigami-The-Grand-Line

The Legend of Menace By ConmanWolf

So Spyro and Cynder find this portal into an alternate universe where Spyro is evil and Cynder is the good guy. Basically it! If you like alternate universe type of crossover then this one is for you.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12723760/1/The-Legend-of-Menace

The Legend of Cynder By GoldenGriffiness(*)

In Legend Of Spyro, the Dragon temple was attacked by Dark Master and Ignitus save one egg, and others were destroyed but one that was taken. That was Cynder. In this fanfic, Ignitus save Cynder's egg, and Spyro's egg gets taken instead. Yep, Cynder takes Spyro place but the author makes it very clear that Cynder is not Spyro however. So don't think things go like canon.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6782003/1/The-Legend-of-Cynder-A-New-Beginning

The Grizzly Game By Zestylicous(M and *)

So Sakura gets this letter from an unknown source that said, "Hey we going this cool weapon and these other people to fight each other to the death. Ok bye." Which left Sakura in very scared and confuse state to say the less and not only does she have play this game but this also around the time when chuunin exams were starting. So fun times for all. But yeah this is a dark story so if don't like violence then tay away from this one.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4717316/1/The-Grizzly-Game

What Lies Beyond the Walls series By abstow89(M and *)

Ok, so imagine Redwall was written by George R. R. Martin and more of a dark sense of humor. You get this fic. What I like about this fic that there no really good guys or bad guys just people trying to survive this awful place. You got Urthquake and his Long Patrol who hates the vermin and wants to do everything to get rid of them in Mossflower. The you got Kurwin a pirate who wants to control of Mossflower after he and his crew got a shipwreck. I should warn this fic is not for kids. Its violence and sexual situations. And not all the characters make it. You have been warned.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11267177/1/What-Lies-Beyond-the-Walls-Book-II-Betrayal

The Power of Three Journeys By Cabbit and the Weasel

This is Naruto x Pokémon where team 7 become Pokémon trainers for different reasons. But they all come together to travel around the region to get stronger and discover more about themselves. It's a nice fic to sit down and read if you have the chance too. It has nice character development and each of team 7 gets a chance to shine! You read it if you into that sort of thing.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9090449/1/The-Power-of-Three-Journeys

Shinigami Phantom By inukagome15

Danny Phantom and his friends were attacked by Hollow and send to the Bleach world. Where they have figure out how to get home while watching out for Soul Reapers and Hollows. It's true the characters, fight scenes are good and has both dark and fun moments as well. Give it a read if have the chance.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5307215/chapters/12253124

Plegian Queen By C2ii

So in this fanfic where Validar is already dead and Robin still meets Chrom and join the shepherds. That point no one knows what's going to happen because canon already changes. Give it a read when you get the chance.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9708436/1/Plegian-Queen

Expedient By SwiftKick (*)

So Konoha and Iwa sign a truce and agree to an Exchange Program which is like student exchange. And Sakura was chosen for the Konoha side and her sensei is nothing other then Deidara. This is before team 7 and before Deidara joins Akatsuki. I can't spoilers what happens but let's say character's goals change and it happens in way that is in character. I should warn there are some dark moments and while it doesn't go into detail it still happened so keep that in mind.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6004135/1/Expedient

New Reality By noa748(*)

Ok so this is SI and...hey don't runoff. Trust me it's a good one. First off the SI is actually is a character with flaws and she messes up. The other characters do call her out on it and she does change the plot up so it's not just the same story but with another character in it. Give it a read if it sounds like your type of fic.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4772320/1/New-Reality

Gone Batty By Lilgrimmapple

So a human name Medley was helping her friend in bat conservation with experiment. Of course things turn wrong and Medley gets to turn into a bat. And through a series of events she ends up in Tree Haven where she meets Shade. What I like is the friendship between Marina, Shade, and Medley and the other ocs were pretty good too. If you enjoy Silverwing you'll enjoy this fic.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10590553/1/Gone-Batty

Land Before Time Retold series By Elise Lowing

Basically a human from our world gets a drop in the Land Before Time one. Surviving and friendship is the theme in this fanfic but there is a bigger plot point with the stone and predators. Can revel too much so have to read it for yourself.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9479048/1/Land-Before-Time-Retold

The Chakra Alchemist By Miss Comatose

This is a crossover between Naruto and Fullmetal Alchemist where Sakura drop-in FMA world during Ishvalan War. Deciding that using a child for this war the Amestris side. Yeah, it gets dark but Sakura made friends with Roy who has a father-daughter relationship. Which is new for FMA and Naruto. They always ship Sakura with Edward and Roy.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9171994/1/The-Chakra-Alchemist

No One Would Believe Me By onelittlespeck

This another SI but more friendship than anything. Basically Truth is bored and brought a girl Amy to FMA world. She later meet Edward and Alphonse later and they become friends snd willing to helo she gets home. The friendship is believable and there some goo world-building here too. If that sounds good give it a read.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4135721/1/No-One-Would-Believe-Me

Called Out In The Dark By Ironic-Sarcasm

This is AU where Maleficent knows ahead of time that Sora is going to become a thorn in her side in the future, so when he was a kid and she throws him into darkness. Don't worry he meets Aqua and DiZ and they help raise as they trying to survive in the land of darkness. Found families and friendship all around in this fic. Plus it gives Kairi something to do besides waiting for Sora and Riku. Give it a read when you get the chance.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11103097/1/Called-Out-In-The-Dark

Hakumei By Pryotra

Hakumei is Naruto AU after one night Naruto, Hinata, Neji, Sasuke, Sakura, and Sai meet each one night and also watch as Danzo killed the Hokage. They decide to leave the village because they all were afraid they're be next. But they promise to get stronger and take the village back. Found family feelings are in the fic and everyone gets a chance to shine. Read it when you get the chance.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4119917/1/Hakumei

The Land Before Time: the Return of Sharptooth By Red Eyes Black Dragon Master

So remember T-rex in the first movie? Well, he back and he wants revenge. There's no holding back and the only way for Little to defect him is train by Lone Dinosaur to get stronger. It's good little fic with some good action scenes to go along with it, Give it a read when you have the chance.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4164198/1/The-Land-Before-Time-the-Return-of-Sharptooth

The Seven Hunters By The Rhombus (M and *)

Basically Littlefoot and his friends found Stone of Cold Fire and make a wish to be strong enough to beat Red Claw. Well, remember the old saying be careful what you wish for? Well, the gang besides Chomper turned sharpteeth aka Utahraptors. Many of the adults think they ate their children and chase them out. If wonder why they can't just say it was them well Littlefoot and the gang lose their ability to talk to their old language. So now they kick out of the Great Valley, their parents after them because they kill them (their sharptooth forms) kill their children, and they have a deal with the idea of eating meat. Fun times for all.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9990125/1/The-Seven-Hunters

Not Quite as Planned By cerokun

This AU Bleach fic where Ichigo as a bit slow to pull Zangetsu out as his Inner World crumbled and ends up more arrancar then a soul reaper. In change, a lot in plot and I can't explain too much because of spoilers. But it not a dark fic unlike more other fics I list here. Plus as an AU it does take chances to change the plot around which I like. Give you like this kind of fic give it a read.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7462056/1/Not-Quite-as-Planned

Rewind By LittleMissMidnight

So this one is a bit of a weird one. It's an what if Robin didn't come back after the end of Fire Emblem Awakening. What they find is that Robin is not present but in the future. Chrom volunteers to get his wife back but incomes at a cost his memories. But Chrom decides to go along with the children and off to the future they go. What I like about romance/adventure story is how much everyone that is a couple is willing to go far for their loves one. The ending left somewhat of a bad taste in my mouth but it's good noth the less.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9297676/1/Rewind

The Daughters Trilogy By ShoutFinder

A Warrior Cats AU after the Omen of the Stars arc where Dovewing and Bamblestripes have a daughter name Skypaw. Everything was looking good until a kit came intoThunderclan to warn the three that cats of No Stars are planning their revenge. And the three are losing their powers and a new generation of cats will get new power. Of course one of the cats that get this new power is Skypaw so her apprentice because a whole lot more dangerous. It has great characters and great world-building even better than canon. Check it when you get a chance.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8788038/1/The-Daughters-Trilogy-Daughter-of-the-Sun

Bleach: Ultimate Alien Remake By Bigby the Big Bad Wolf

So this crossover with Ben 10 and Bleach. Where Ben is in Hueco Mundo and trick into thinking the arrancars are the good guys and the Soul Society. This fic is about friendship and actions as incomes both shows. It good story and so give look.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11296670/1/Bleach-Ultimate-Alien-Remake

A Game Comes To Equestria By Rainstone56

So this Yu-Gi-Oh crossover with My Little Pony. Weird crossover I know. After Yugi almost loses his soul in the Atlantis filler arc Pinkie Pie made wish and Yugi literally came crashing down. He is pegasus colt in this version because like most mlp crossover. And has no memory, No Cutie Mark, only his name. Both enemies and friends are looking Yugi too but how can they find him? Read to find out.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9222211/1/A-Game-Comes-To-Equestria

Of Princes and Paupers By KiwiWizard

It's kinda like the fairytale but Pokémon Manga characters and with new twists and turns. Instead of a prince being boring of the high life and switch places to a poor person to see what it's like. Instead is about a prince's family being kidnap and team up with a servant, a group of thieves, and stable boy they kidnap along the way. Yeah if this the story that sounds you enjoy then check it out.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7729704/1/Of-Princes-and-Paupers

Just Another Night At Freddy's By DeltaV(*)

So this is a strange one. Yes, even stranger than the crossover I list so far. Five Nights At Freddy's is horror but in this world after Mike's seventh night and visiting the place during the day the animatronics realize that he not endoskeleton but human. This puts them relax state and Mike really doesn't have to worry about his night that much anymore. But everything changes when Foxy finds a way outside... Find out more by reading the first story of this series

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10680061/1/Just-Another-Night-at-Freddy-s-Night-One-Foxy-s-Freedom

Tangled In Time By TwilightFairy928

So after the events of Twilight Princess our good old friend Ganondorf wakes from a coma and Twinrova informs him the old Link die but a new Link is born. So Ganondorf gets idea of kidnapping new baby Link because just killing him will just make new reborn. Ganondorf raise Link as his own son giving the name Siegfried Dragmire and raising him in Lake Hylia with no knowledge of the outside world. But destiny as the funny way of showing up...Read more to find out.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7318363/1/Tangled-In-Time

Amity's Arrancar By Chash123

So this crossover between Danny Phantom and Bleach. Where Danny instead becoming a half-ghost becomes a half-Arrancar. There a lot of stuff happens which is spoilers. But the story blends lore with Danny Phantom and Bleach. Plus some original stories that interesting and fun! Check it out if have time.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7307426/1/Amity-s-Arrancar

Where Even Time Freezes By LavaReefAct4

So in this AU survive Albert the final battle and so did Chronoforce. Using Chronoforce reverse time powers they decide to 'fix' thing aka the mess up Aile and Grey a lot. This is used why Vent is around instead of Aile and how Grey got killed. But things took a turn when Ashe almost time and because Ashe is Albert last bloodline Albert save her by taking over her body. Now Albert has fight himself! If that sounds good to you then go check it out!

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9668864/1/Where-Even-Time-Freezes

The Houseguests By Zilo Sugarpill

So this fanfiction takes the tropes what-if the characters came into the real world but it does take itself serious and funny at the same time. Kina likes anime. The story Melissa Jones along with her two siblings Ricky and Cassie. After there is a way for work for a while Melissa has to watch over her siblings while she away. But things take a turn when with Envy show up in their basement and in character tries to murder Melissa. And not to worry that so far there is no romance if you worry about that and character are in character. Check it out if a chance.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5874851/1/The-Houseguests

Son of Aura By CG07

So in this AU Ash is actually from the past and was send in the future because there's this group for some reason were hunting people with Aura. In order to keep him safe his mom have Celebi bring him to the future where Deila adopted him. But all is not well as the group is still alive and after to kill Ash. If that sounds good to you then read when you get the chance.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5236075/1/Son-of-Aura

Rise of the Chosen By Ainrhyr

So this fic follows Alie as she going through her adventure in ZX. It's sort of retelling the game but with a lot more character driving story, the reference to older games, and we get characters that weren't that focus in original a lot more screen time.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4209994/1/Rise_of_the_Chosen

Remember the Tides By @regiss-tides

In this Kingdom Hearts AU Xion defect Roxas in battle which results in Xion absorbed Roxas and heart. Xion runs away and later join Sora and his group. Axel is after his only friend left and Xigbar plotting something evil. This story does have hint romance but I love the friendship between Xion, Sora, Donald, and Goofy. If that sounds good story to you then give it a shot.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9580894/1/Remember-the-Tides

Dissidia Rebirth By AceArcalas

So this takes after the events of the original and 012 as this fic was made before Arcade so keep that in mind. So after the war, most of all the characters from the game settle down and have kids. The kids each have different personalities and hints that not everything is ok with them or their families. It's good read so give it a shot.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7928417/1/Dissidia-Rebirth

The Hungry Pokemon Games By Windflicker

So it takes the plot of the Hunger Games but adds new twists and turns. Like for example, the capitol have a tribute in N and the pov character is from the 4 district instead 12.  I give it a read if that sounds good to you.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8012435/1/The-Hungry-Pokemon-Games

Crisis on Two PokéWorlds! By PokeRescue18

Hey, want crossover fic between the manga and anime without the needless bashing of the anime because it wasn't as dark and serious as the manga even when it isn't that dark or serious. Well, this fic got you cover. So there are there these two guardians, Solaris and Lunaria who one day were attack by this guy name Odio stole this orb that holds the power of universes. They battle it out but the orbs breaks and two reality are going to crash together. So what can you do but get heroes from both universes to collect the shards before the villains do and save the worlds. If that sounds good to you then check it out.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6608899/1/Crisis-on-Two-Pok%C3%A9Worlds

Hakumei By @pryotra

In this Naruto, AU Danzo had the Hokage killed but 6 kids saw this going down and ran away. These kids being Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Sai, Hinata, and Neji. They leave the village and try to survive the outside world. Despite that little summary, this is not a dark fic. It's more about found family and overthrowing a government. It's a good fic if you have time.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4119917/1/Hakumei

Legacy By Lady Mayflower

This retelling of the first three Sypro games. Trying to make sense for the plot but it doesn't take the tone and fun out of the original. There were a couple of times where laugh out loud at this fic. Check it out if you have a chance.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7280837/1/Legacy

My Life By Berk'sWarrior

So this How To Train Your Dragon Warrior Cats AU. Which sounds like weird AU because how you going to blend those two together. Well changing the dragons into rogues and still have the fic be about friendship and Smallkit(Hiccup)trying to love from his father. If that sounds good then check it out here.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8997114/1/My-Life

Tinyclaw By SplashHart

This what if fanfiction where instead of Tiny chasing away the dog he told them the truth and they chase him out and into Riverclan. Who welcome him with opened arms. If you think it's going to be like how Firestar was like in Thunderclan it isn't. Tiny had his own problems in Riverclan and some will shock. Plus it give Riverclan a chance to shine which if you're a fan of RIverclan will bring some joy because they haven't really gotten a moment in the newer books.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8657366/1/Tinyclaw

RockmanEXE: Operation Black Ace By Azure Euphoria

So this crossover between Megman Starforce and Megaman EXE where after an certain event from the third Starforce game send Subaru back in time to the EXE. What I like about this one is keep the characters in character and has a lot of twists and turns that you won't see coming. Plus some good character development for some of our character including one grumpy Starforce we all know and like. Check it if want to see more of it.  

Link:  https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5994333/1/RockmanEXE-Operation-Black-Ace

Legend of Spyro: Stormfront By marsh166

So how many of you read a fanfic where the main character turns villain? I imagine you at less read one of those. This one is a bit different tho as it keeps everyone in character and it's a tragic story. So make sure you bring some tissues because no one is coming out this in one piece.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7482435/1/Legend-of-Spyro-Stormfront

The Ash Connection By I am Lu

So this story starts off with Ash and co getting ready to go back home for Christmas. But not everything is well because some Pokémon have been attacking Ash's friends that he had throughout the years and G-Men is putting Ash and his friends under witness protection program for the time being. I mean every one of his friends. Every traveling companion and his rivals up to B & W. Everyone has a moment to shine and some really good surprises that you never it coming. Give it a look to find out more.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9103189/1/The-Ash-Connection

FateStay Night: Ultimate Master By Ten-Faced Paladin(*)

So Ben was sent to Fuyuki City because of course what happened during the last Holy Grail War and the killing has been going since then. But here arrive he was attack and accident summon an Averger type servent. Which keep in mind was made before apocrypha or grand order so keep that in mind. It makes good use of the cast of characters and have some good action scenes. Check it out when you get the chance.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6781336/1/FateStay-Night-Ultimate-Master

Wanna Change By daydreamer1008

Another good SI in the Bleach version. Mostly because SI isn't over-power and does have a personality. Has great pacing and dialogue that actually sounds like the show. Of couse most of the characters are in character and the action scenes are good enough. Check it out when you get the chance.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6214127/2/I-Wanna-Change

A Sound Soul and a Sound Heart By Keyblade Guardian

So in this story starts out as it could happen in Kingdom Hearts game. Heartless start to invaded and Sora is sent there to stop it. What makes it good it's the character's interactives and actions scenes. I very much see a Soul Eater world being play out like this is the games. Check it out if you have the time.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9245458/1/A-Sound-Soul-and-a-Sound-Heart

Warriors: Servers of Chaos By Songarri0125

This Sonic crossover Warriors Cats but it's more au Warriors Cats. All the Sonic characters are cats in different clans. Shadow, Sonic, Silver, and Knuckles are a part of prophecy(because of couse.) and have power. What likes how it blend the two series together and characters are use really well.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7293595/2/Warriors-Servers-of-Chaos

The Eyes Have It By Shana the Short

So this is one does what if stories. And this what if story is about what if Sakura development a doujutsu or have one those weird bloodline eye power like Uchiha. What I like about it that it's play more realistic. Like she has no idea how to use them because she just work up and her family has no idea how to help her because it skip a couple of generations. Even her sensei can't really help so she on her own. It's a coming-of-age story with friendship and found family thing put in there. Check it out if haven't yet.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8661803/1/The-Eyes-Have-It

Mega Man Star Force Zero By SapphireLibra3(*)

So this take place after the third game in StarForce. After finding out that the Planet FM has a weapon and sending to Earth Geo and Omega-Xis were send to stop it. That was 4 years ago and they haven't return. Almost everyone thinks he's dead but Luna who find out that weapon is coming back by Wizard name Xerox. They team up to defect new villains and save the planet. What I like most about this game that it took the elements from Zero and make it fit the StarForce universe. Even you know the Megaman Zero games there still a couple of surprises that you won't see coming. Check it out if you haven't yet.  

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5283660/1/Mega-Man-Star-Force-Zero

The Legend Of Spyro: A New Dawn by Kendell

So after the events of the games Spyro and Cynder and now adults and they want to have a kid. Problem is that due dark side flowing in their veins they are afraid it be pass down to their child. So they decide to adopted one. Problem anew villain appear and took some of the eggs in Temple along with Spyro's and Cynder's adopted child. So Spyro, Cynder, and the new Fire Guardian to travel into the Unknown Realms and defect the queen of Nega Deadlock. It's good adventure story with twist and turns. And really good character moments and has a really good villain. Check it out if you haven't read it yet.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6835233/1/The-Legend-Of-Spyro-A-New-Dawn

Falling into the Abyss By Chang-Tong(*)

This one is an SI for Tales of the Abyss but one where the author did it realistic. Like the SI act realistic and so do the characters around her. More in the sense of how they react to her actions. And there no romance so far in this fic so if worry about then don't be. Check it out if haven't check it give it a shot.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5791754/1/Falling-into-the-Abyss

Night of the Shy Revamp By RavenStarfire

In this fanfiction Fluttershy is possessed by evil magic that turn Luna into Nightmare Moon and cause havoc. And yeah it can see as horror because the possessed!Fluttershy is down right cruel to her victims and enemies. To make things worse the main 6 can't use the Elements of Harmony because of Fluttershy and *spoilers* being gone. So they have find a way while Equestria defect itself. And I have to get this out here the author is no longer with us so this story doesn't have an ending but I put this on here to keep RavenStarfire's memory alive. So check it out if have the time.  

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7562952/1/Night-of-the-Shy-Revamp

Mega Man AXL: Zero Era By VirusChris

So this is an what if story where instead of finding Zero Ciel finds Axl instead. I like how the bond between Ciel and Axl. And how different from the game and Axl character development. A lot of twist and turns and love letter to Axl fan. Give it a read if you get a chance.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4483320/1/Mega-Man-AXL-Zero-Er

Land Before Time Twilight Valley By Zarrelion

So this war fic with Land Before Time....I know it sounds weird but go with it. Stone of Cold Fire crushed landed in Great Valley and mysterious sharptooth seeks it out and willing to spill blood over it. The children of the show grow up and willing to fight. The fight scenes are amazing in this fic and it deal brutal actions of war. As well as mental damage that war cause. Check it out when you get a chance.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4044080/1/Land-Before-Time-Twilight-Valley

Jak and Daxter Living in Sin By EcoSeeker247

This is about oc from our world coming Jak and Daxter world. Paige get a job working in the labs where Jak was experiment on after being arrest. What I like about this series is that there is no romance for Paige but her struggles on mortal compress and actually good friendship with Jak. I know in the in summary it looks like Paige has a villain redemption but Paige isn't a villain. She more someone who made a mistake. A mistake she needs to own up too but an mistake non the less. Which I like. While I do like villain redemption stories most of the time they are not well thought out. Even on 'professor' writer can't really write good. So this is better then what we be getting.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6791869/1/Jak-and-Daxter-Living-in-Sin

The Legend of Crystal New Beginnings By SnickerToodles

It's a retelling of Legend Of Spyro but what if Sypro had a twin sister. It expands on the world and add in a couple of twists and turns. Crystal herself is good character as well. She loud and more headstrong then her brother and balance both Spyro and Cynder as well. Check it out if haven't already.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6366414/1/The-Legend-of-Crystal-New-Beginnings

Fire and Shadow By Rowanoak23

I did a review of this fic a while ago. But is what-if story where Firestar join Shadowclan instead Thunderclan. It makes good use for the cast of characters in this fic and have good understand of the world of Warriors that you can see the author did do their research. I would go into more detail but I already did a review so check it out for more informtion or read the story.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4992672/1/Fire-and-Shadow

Broken Bow By Xed Alpha(*)

So this Percy Jackson fanfic about Armani Dove, son of Artemis. Unlike most this well made and oc is well done. If like comedy of the books then you like this. Nothing more to say but check it out if haven't yet.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5673899/1/Broken-Bow

Soul's Fantasy By Grimdivide

So because of Aizen causing the resurrection of the God of Discord and so Warriors of Cosmos have to stop him and Espada. Some of new and old characters from the Final Fantasy characters. Bleach characters are used really good too both the villains and heroes. Check it out if sounds good to you.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5481758/1/Soul-s-Fantasy

Twist in Time By Alisa180

Can this count as a crossover when if it is from the same series but different time lines? Anyway due to some time travel shenanigans our favorite villains from the ZX timeline started causing trouble and what should happen but ZX travel back into the X timeline to stop them. The author know about the in and out Megaman universe as well as the characters. It has good twist and turns. Check it out when you get a chance.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3832375/1/Twist-in-Time

Fate Dissidia by Echo the Ethereal Swordmaster

Not an crossover really more like Dissidia characters in Fate/Stay Night setting. The plot is this Cosmos notice that the Crystals and Planet Earth are in danger. So, she  sent her warriors to Earth to find their masters, find and protect the  crystals, and save Earth from Chaos and his warriors. The cast ismostly ocs at least are interesting to say the less and characters are written as in character. I more surprise don't use this idea more offen really. Check it out if haven't already.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4741236/1/Fate-Dissidia

The Switch Glitch By Zilo Sugarpill

Another oc from our world go in FMA world. The first anime one bot Brotherhood one. This takes kinda realistic and the there so many twist and turns that you wouldn't see coming. It's action and comedy that did have me laugh at certain moments. Check it out if want too.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3791056/1/The-Switch-Glitch

Generations Collide By Crono Candescence

Basically Dr. Wally is at it again and build a new weapon for Bass to use. But during fight and travel forward in time and meet X. Yep in this fanfiction Megaman go forward in time and start meeting other characters from other Megaman games. It play just how I'll picture these characters meeting and add some insight on other stuff that games barley touch on Check it out if haven't already.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4369795/1/Generations-Collide

SECRET OF THE CURSED MASK By Kim Dreamcatcher

So this takes plot of that but with Avatar gang oh and Zuko there too. The author knows about that characters and how to use them correctly. And to make things the character act like how I picture them like actually meet each. And it keeps the tone from both series which adventure with some comedy. Check it out if you haven't already.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2501876/1/SECRET-OF-THE-CURSED-MASK  

Balto Future Shock By Kendell

So this Balto with some elements from Watchers but not really. Like you read this without any knowledge of Watchers and you follow it just find. The story begins at the present day with husky name Tina escape from military base, a genetically engineered Super Soldier named the Outsider chasing her. Turns out the Outsider is to replace human troops in the war on terror, but it turned on its creators and escaped, and being telepathically linked to Tina. So it wants to kill her.However, right as it catches Tina in Central Park, a lightning bolt strikes its extending metal claws, sending both back in time. To where Balto is and Tina is happy because she gets to hang out with idol but Outsider is still out there. Check out it if that sounds up your alley.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3937457/1/Balto_Future_Shock

Lost in Time Found By War By lunateix

So Bass once again attack Megaman but Roll herself step between them and were send forward through time by Wily new weapon. This was during Zero timeline during when Weil working with copy X. This story have a lot of twist and turns, great character moments and development, and there are some lore /background that if you know you get but if you don't then you can still follow it. Give it a chance when have time to read it.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3278280/1/Lost-in-Time-Found-By-War

Bonds By Sol Hiryu

So used Netto accident used Full Synchro with the human hating Forte. So being force to work together in order to stay alive environment while Rock is looking to get Nettoback. It enemies-to-friends fic that I think we should bring back. Yes enemies-to-lovers are good. I like well done fic of that. But I let's bring some good enemies-to-friends fic too. Check it out if haven't already.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2505790/1/Bonds

A Sharptooth's Heart By Sora W.T.K

So this one of the fiction that ask the question what will happen if sharptooth dinosaur that adopted into Land Before Time.(This was before second movie.) It cute and little story that have good characters moments and world building that isn't boring! Check it out if haven't already.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/1583842/1/A-Sharptooth-s-Heart

Price By DarqueDeath4444(*)

This AU where Ochako because a villain to get money for her parents and work with Wolfram(The villain from the first movie.) It'd villain fic that play out well that's not about Deku(I still like those fics don't get wrong) and has good understanding of the characters and good development for them so far. Check it out if haven't already.  

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13594903/1/Price

Pokemon Reset Bloodlines By Crossoverpairinglover(Rated: M and  *)

So some time during the XY anime Cyrus dismantling the universe to create his world without spirit so Arceus send Ash back in time to stop him. But few things change for example: Ashi is 15, kept in contact with Serena, and most important of all he's bloodliner. People with Pokémon-related abilities. This fic was inspired by another fic call Ash but it has a lot of different to make it is own fic. Those reason I listed above and in the fanfic. If you like X-Men you would like this fic because bloodliner are like Mutants in that people hate them for being different. It does have a lot of dark and serious moments so I can't say everyone should read it but it's not as dark as say like the Dark Knight or something like that. Check it out to see it for yourself.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9939848/1/Pokemon-Reset-Bloodlines

Lightning and Death Itself By Cke1st(*)

So in this AU Night Fury have this power to transform humans into other Night Fury.

So when Hiccup and Astrid when to ride Toothless he used this power to tranform the both of them into Night Fury and now they need to adjust to their new lives. The auother does a good job with the characters and world building. It used to this twist of Hiccup and Astrid and has effect their family really well too and as well as how the tribe and the world at large held this. Check it out out if haven't.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9343058/1/Lightning-and-Death-Itself

Loyalty By True Radical Dreamer

So in this AU Sakura was in the wrong place and the wrong time and it's force to work with Kabuto. It about spying, loyal, and war. And this fic dosen't shy away from the horrors of war so if you don't like that stuff then please check away. What I like about this fic is also the characters development that Sakura and the others go through as well and plot twist and turns. If that at all sounds good to you then check out this fic.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5316196/1/Loyalty

Earthborne By Mixed Valence

So this SI where the character is in Fire Emblem Fates and after bond with Nohr family has to make a choice to the upcoming war. What I like about this fic is the worldbuliding as it flash out more about this world. Another thing is the grey mortal that is done well in this fics then most other fic. Because the usually  play Nohr's action while just making just racist. Which come with a whole lot of problems and one them is you just make the game look even better at that part and I don't know how you imagine that. Plus some really good character development and twist and turn that you might see coming. Check it out if haven't already.

Link:  https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12213521/1/Earthborne

Kingdom Hearts: The Winter War By colossalblackening

This is crossover between Bleach and Kingdom Hearts after the events of KH3  Sora wakes up in Hueco Mundo with no memories. Because of that Aizen trick Sora into joining the attack the Soul Society. What I like about this fic is the spot on characterized in this fic and well as really well done action scenes. Throw in some really good characters developments and you have a really good crossover story. Check it out if you haven't already.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12500644/1/Kingdom-Hearts-The-Winter-War

Firelight By Riverstyxx

So this is an story a dragon named Charla who was save from the raid by an ape and raise by Jayce. But due to the even that in the fic they have separated and Charla needs to find him. By traveling through a war torn world and making friends and enemies along the way. What I like about it is that this is a story that does take place during the game but in a different pov so it makes the world flesh out a bit more. And the characters are all interesting and thought out. I like Charla, Jayce, and Silverback they all so good. Check it out if you haven't already.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8259545/1/Firelight

Friendly Foreign Dimensional Exchange Student Spiderman! By Zaru

So this crossover between the MCU Spiderman and bnha. Where after Infinity part 1 where Spiderman turn to dust ends up in bnha's world. After getting into getting some shenanigans he gets into U.A to become a hero. What I like about this story it takes mental problems serious and the characters are use nicly. Check it out if haven't yet.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13187854/1/Friendly-Foreign-Dimensional-Exchange-Student-Spiderman

All the Pieces Lie Where the Fell By forevermagik13

So this take place before Dream, Drop, Distance was out so keep that in mind in this fic. So this is forevermagik13's version of KH3 where Sora, Riku, and Kairi go looking for the missing light instead. What I like about this fanfic for the most part I can see some of the stuff happening in universe and characters have some stand out moments. Check it out if haven't already.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6772185/1/All-the-Pieces-Lie-Where-they-Fell

Burning Thunder By TheDogzLife

So this next gen fic where N's and White's son goes off on his Pokemon adventure. The ocs are well thought out and canon character written in character. I imagine this is how most of the characters would end up when they are older. Plus there so many good mystery in this fic and have to see for yourself. Check it out if you haven't already.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9415859/1/Burning-Thunder

The Tide series By Regiss

So this is a what-if story where Xion won the battle Roxas. Xion won and killed Roxas and to make things worse Organization 13 are after her and DiZ woke Sora with only half of power because Roxas didn't fuse with Sora. As you can see this story have a lot of twists and turns. All the character are used instead of shove a side like in the main games. It's one of my favorite KH series so check it out if you haven't already.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9580894/1/Remember-the-Tides

Dark Legacy series By Dardarax(M)(*)

So the Dark Legacy fic is next gen about a albino dragon, named Lyrith who goes to Temple Academy where dragons learn about fight, the world around them, etc. The problem is that as albino Lyrith has no power and while accepting some of the people around are dislike for being an albino. Lyrith is not the only chatacter that has an arc in this story and ocs cast is pretty good in my option. It also has good world-building without going away from the main story. Check it out but it does get dark at time so be careful.

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6406803/1/Dark-Legacy

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Dandelions - self

Orobas had a woman in his lap, her legs stretched out and leaned back against his chest, her breath barely there, though steady her heart still was. Blood trickled down her neck, dotting her blouse in little spots of red, but Orobas didn't seem to mind the dead weight against him. Able to remain upright, as he pulled petals off dandelions and set them in her limp hands, cupped open in her lap.

Hours and he remained still, performing the same task. Sometimes letting the poor human who had taken pity on him in the park get more comfortable against him. How he lied so beautifully, a smile that was dangerous but not picked up on by the other as they plucked all the dandelions into a basket to the point it was overflowing. She wasn't very helpful with the flowers now but had served to at least take the hungered pangs away.

She shifted a little, sleeping likely as her body tried not to perish from the blood loss, he kept holding her so she'd not drop all the petals. He was adding more to her hands, counting.

"Orobas," Haxian landed on his right side and lowered into a crouch, gaze taking in the beautiful, organized mess.

"Don't mess me up," Orobas said casually, knowing it wasn't entirely possible too. Getting caught up in counting things happened more often than vampires ever admitted. Haxian sat cross-legged across from him, catching a spare that flew away from her cupped hands and set it back into them with careful beauty.

"How much longer will you do this?" Haxian asked, and Orobas shrugged. 

"This nonsense will be my life for a little bit,"

"Why?"

Orobas glanced up at his maker's tone, and a manic grin stretched out, and he reached forward, pressing his yellow-stained fingers to Haxian's gray cheek, running along the sharp-angled bone taking in his changing appearance. Every day, Haxian looked transformed a little more, losing that boyish, youth that he's had for five hundred years, and turning into their truest self, no longer bound by human masks, but the real monster that matched their souls. Orobas found him mesmerizing.

"Mhmm, you already sense it, don't you?" Haxian grabbed Orobas' wrist with long, lean fingers, nails black and sharp, and lowered it from his cheek.

"You are acting strange lately," Haxian remarked, thumb rubbing the skin lightly. "Is it that woman-- Morelia? You spend too much time with her."

"Not her, but you know how the fae like to play. They only really have one weapon against us. I don't mean to always fall for their pretty words," Orobas admitted, now that his master was right in front of him, and it was nearly impossible not to admit everything with such an Elder presence in front of you.

"But I hadn't realized I had made a contract with one for a few weeks until recently and confronted them. They have pledged to make my life a living hell by doing things like this. But, mhm. It’s fine."

Haxian's brows furrowed, and Orobas continued almost in a whisper. Almost begging for permission, falseness filled him to distract his maker. "Do you want to kill her with me when it's done? Like old times--"

Haxian's yellow eyes widened, the long fingers tightening around his wrist. Orobas smiled wider; fangs elongated as his face shifted.

"Like from before. When I was a human--- do you remember so long ago?" Orobas grew more excited, and the woman plopped off his shoulder as he shoved her away, her body colliding hard on the ground with her head cracking against the floor. Dandelion petals flew everywhere around the two old creatures.

"That girl-- what I did to her. How long I had my fun, days-- days of watching her drown, and bringing her back with my own breath," he laughed, reaching up with his other hand and pressed it to Haxian's chest and up towards his neck. "Until I couldn't take it anymore. The tub was so full of blood after I was done... cutting her up. Do you remember, Haxian? Filling that wooden tub until it was red, forcing my head under it?" A pause.  

"Do you remember killing me how I always killed those women?"

"Yes," Haxian pulled Orobas' hand off him and held both his wrists away from his body.

"We could do it again, just like before. I can play her games; for now. But the moment she says something-- and it doesn't stick--" Orobas shivered, eyes bleeding red. He reached for his master even though he was held back from contact. A snarl filled his dead chest, and a screech was on the edge of releasing in a full sound from Orobas' chest as he was denied. Haxian looked at Orobas, whose entire body was vibrating; yellow dandelion petals fanned out around them, the monster-- holding the worse one back.

"Do you want too?" Orobas asked, and Haxian only remained stoic. A growl filled the dead organs of Orobas’ lungs and came out harsh. "Say-- yes!" 

Haxian hummed. "She really has her claws in you to act like this."

Orobas closed his fists, the grip on his wrists tightened to keep him in place. "I don't much have a choice!" Orobas gritted. "Of course, I'm mad! I'm furious! I want to pull all her organs out! I want to hear her scream! But I can't, can I? I will be bound forever until it's fulfilled. It's--"

"You never learn with the fae," Haxian remarked. "It's always like this. Over and over. You never learn once I let you stay somewhere for too long."

Orobas hissed between his fangs and tried to push forward, but Haxian was ridiculously powerful and stayed still, holding his wrists down so he couldn't go anywhere. Haxian leaned forward in threat.

"Remember when I warned you that we already overstayed here?" his master said, and Orobas lunged forward only to be pulled down to the ground. Orobas struggled but couldn't break the hold. Haxian continued. "Don't lure me in with your own pretty words-- with those old memories, to distract me from your mistake." Haxian leaned forward, looking Orobas in the eye, and a demented smile stretched ugly and frightening on the Elder's features.

"You promised me--" Orobas' jaw tightened, "that this time, we could stay. It’s a mistake, but I’ll fix it."

"I did, but I realize even with Bloodhaven, you are too comfortable here. The moment you have fulfilled that promise-- mhm, if it takes too long, I'll visit her. Either way. A goodbye might be in order."

Orobas stilled. The words were spilling from his mouth before he even realized it. "But I like it here!”

Haxian let go of his wrists and stood up, "We don’t need anyone else." Orobas pressed his hands into the ground, crushing the petals as Haxian walked away. 

Frozen for a moment, Orobas scooped up the broken petals of dandelions, making a new large pile, and resumed counting. Anger pooled dangerously in his center, but so did something foreign--something so strange the faintest dampness filled the corners of his eyes without his knowing--         g r i e f. 

[gear-project]

If we do get ex and other modes in guilty gear strive do you think it will make up for the issue many are having with the game style.

That’s only one consideration to be made... this “game style” as you put it is still unfinished, so we can’t really make a final judgement on it until it’s complete.

All the same though, I think it’s important to review just what MADE all previous incarnations of Guilty Gear significant and unique:

The Missing Link [GG MODE] --Chargeable attacks with up to three levels of power.  Charge stance could be cancelled at any time, enhancing attack recovery between certain moves. --Instant Kill “attacks” that could be activated at any time and were unblockable/Guard Cancellable while blocking. --Dead Angles are introduced, known as Gamble Attacks/Guard Cancels. --No Psyche Burst/Roman Cancel existed. (Burst-recovery was enhanced in the Accent Core version of this mode to offset the pressure this style has.) --Overdrives could be used at Low Health/50% HP loss at any time. --Very Low Airdashes/Most moves could be Jump Cancelled. --All Counterhits led to Dust Launcher Attacks and could be pursued with a Homing Jump (worth noting this could lead to a stage transition). --Breaker Crash attacks were possible (running momentum could enhance or launch characters in to a combo if a character had a dashing start).

By Your Side [GGX MODE] --Jump Cancels/Airdash Heights are more restricted, But Roman Cancels are introduced. --Faultless Defense Cancels enable certain “unique” combo routes, as well as other functions, like FD-braking, and FD 1-frame jump cancels. --Impossible Dust/Jump Install are more important techniques for combos in this version of the game. --No Psyche Burst, but the Guard Gauge is introduced (Risc gauge). --Certain Overdrive attacks can be done at 100% Tension. --Guts factor and damage scaling are introduced, making combos techable after so many hits.

The Midnight Carnival [GGXX#R Mode] --Force Roman Cancels are introduced (with proper timing requirements). --Psyche Bursts are introduced (enhanced versus other more combo-centric GG styles). --Burst Overdrives are introduced (Overdrives that cost chunks of the Psyche Burst Gauge, like Megalomania and Wings of Light). --Damage scaling/guts are slightly adjusted in this mode (more damage on certain attacks, certain attacks can be repeated in combos, etc). --Certain combos are easier to do (like Dustloop, Biteloop, etc). Eddie is stronger on offense, etc.

Accent Core [GGXXAC+R Mode] --Force Breaks are now possible (enhanced special attacks at the cost of Tension, some can link in to Overdrives) --Slashback Defensive Parries are now possible and can be used repeatedly. --Damage scaling is again, adjusted, as is the Negative Penalty/Stun Status for certain moves (Sen no Sen/Dragon Install, etc). --Certain moves now have more wall bounce, floor bounce, wall stick, and skid properties. (Can be adjusted in Extra Menu). --Certain moves have Vampire Properties, Flame/Lighting Properties, and Health Recovery can be used in Extra Menu. --Chokuzen (Auto-Instant Block) can also be used along with auto-Slashback and Easy FRC in the Extra Menu. --YRC Yellow Roman Cancel and Chaos RC can also be enabled, along with other Tension options and Guard Gauge options in the Extra Menu.

The Overture [GG2 Mode] --All Special Moves now cost Tension to use, but Tension is now slowly recovered from certain attack actions and when attacks land.  (Positive Bonus can help enhance this function.) --Special Moves in particular have a “cooldown factor” in that they cannot be used repeatedly except in certain circumstances. --Items can be used to enhance a character’s actions or set traps on the field (similar to M.O.M. Mode). --Cyclone Blast replaces the Psyche Burst Gauge, but functions the same way. --Modern Cancels replace traditional Roman Cancels but can now be done in neutral or during use of projectiles for the same or reduced cost (similar to Xrd). --Ally Servants can be summoned temporarily to assist in battle!  (Most cost Tension to be used, like items.)

The Sign [GGXRD Mode] --Danger Time Clashes are enabled, along with Mortal Counters. --Roman Cancels now have a time stop, along with Golden Instant Kill startup activation (activates during 100% Tension). YRC, RRC, and PRC are now possible. --Hellfire status can now be used when Health is Low (enhancing Overdrives). --Blitz Shield is now possible (acts like Slashback, but cannot be charged).  This also allows for Blitz Cancels, where a move that would normal jump cancel can cancel in to Blitz, keeping characters on the ground during combos. --Ground Dust combos are now possible, leading to a wall stick or crumple state.

The Revelator [GGXRDREV2 Mode] --Has much in common with GGXRD Mode, with slight differences to certain attacks and attack levels. --Blitz Shield Charge Attacks are now possible, and can be used interchangeably with Blitz Cancel combos, and Golden Instant Kill startup combos.  Getting hit by a Blitz Attack reduces Psyche Burst Gauge in exchange. --Danger Time state gains more tension/positive bonus in certain situations. --Burst Overdrives can now enhance the damage of Overdrive Attacks, and can also stack with Hellfire state as a comeback feature.

To StrIVe [GGX4 Mode] --Short but easy gatling beat combos. --Roman Cancels now have a “launching hitbox” and a time window to assist the player. --Roman Cancels are now limited to 50% Tension. --Certain Counters act as “dramatic counters” and can launch in to combos easier. --Juggle combos are now more common. --Positive Bonus Tension Pulse gain is more predominant. --All Throws and Command Throws now have wiff animations and do considerable damage. --Certain Special Moves now have a window in which normal attacks can be followed up to extend a combo. --All ground moves are now air blockable, though blocking a huge anti-air move causes blowback. --MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: This style is STILL IN DEVELOPMENT and will be adjusted in the future.

Other Features/Options/Functions from Previous games: --Handicap Mode (adjusts damage scaling/health amounts) --EX Mode (a remixed fighting style with slightly easier to execute moves and abilities, might reference a few easter eggs based on a character’s move history).  Can be used interchangeably with Gold Boss Mode and Darkside Mode.  Can also be used in Missions as EX Mission Mode (to help clear certain tough mission events). --Gold Boss Mode (an ultra powerful version of a character that pushes their abilities to the absolute limit, the strongest version of a character, unlimited by the game’s basic rules).  Can be used with EX Mode for a remixed boss mode. Can be used to activate Gold Arcade Mode and Gold EX Arcade Mode, as well as Gold Survival Mode to further challenge a player. --Darkside Mode (Unlimited Infinite Tension grants the player the power to do just about any combo they could dream of, easy Roman Cancel windows, easy Faultless Defending with no Negative Penalty, infinite Dead Angles, infinite Slashbacks, Blitz Shield Attacks, and infinite Force Break enhanced moves) in exchange, the combo output they do causes the opponent’s Psyche Burst to rise much faster.  Can be used with EX Mode in a remixed fighting style. --3-on-3 Mode: pick three fighters on a team in single one-on-one elimination battles, only players get to keep Tension between battles (same as Accent Core version). --Isuka Mode: 2-on-2, 3-on-1, or free-for-all, take your pick... it’s a battle royale, (the Taunt Button will become the Turn Button and can be used to change lanes, attack behind, launch in to other lanes, or perform lane attacks while moving in to another lane).  Psyche Burst and Tension will adjust accordingly to how many opponents you face, and the amount of Souls (Lives) you get depends on the Options Menu settings (up to 9 Souls, just like Isuka). --Boost/Judgement Mode: an adventure quest with up to 2 players in which you go around destroying enemies and raiding bosses, smashing stuff of items and recovery, as well as secrets! --Extra Menu, lets you adjust the basic rules of the game to something more your liking, affects all versus battle modes and all characters except Boost Mode/Mission Mode/Survival Mode/M.O.M. Mode.  See Accent Core Mode for more specifics.

Final Comment: Guilty Gear has always been an expression of freedom in gameplay if you ask me... and having as many options as it can, can only benefit it as a game.  This is something Strive should try to achieve at the bare minimum.

No matter what the final game ends up being, so long as it has options and other ways to have fun... the game WILL BE FUN.  It’s just that simple!

[buffythecomicslayer]

Excerpt from Slayer, book 2: Chosen, by Kiersten White

The world is quiet now.

It used to be so loud. So much chatter, beating, drumming, buzzing buzzing buzzing. The buzzing of it all. It used to keep him awake at night, inescapable, like mites crawling through his veins. Sometimes he would scratch at his arms until they bled, but even the bleeding never dampened the buzzing.

Until it stopped. All the lines to and from the world, all the hungry beings clawing and sucking and pawing at it, everything cut off.

But not him. He is still here. And with everything quiet, he can finally focus. He’s powerless, which is unfortunate but temporary. Everything here is temporary. He will not be.

He strokes his arms, smooth and unscarred, so deceptively human-looking. But he is no human. And this world, this quiet world, this cut-off and free-floating world, this magic-less and empty world, this unprotected and uncontested world, this waiting world—

He will be its god, and everyone will buzz with him beneath their veins, they will breathe and bleed and live and die for him, and it will be good.

Amen.

1

The demon appears out of nowhere. Claws and fangs fill my sight, and every instinct screams kill. My blood sings with it, my fists clench, my vision narrows. The vulnerable points on the demon’s body practically flash like neon signs.

“Foul!” Rhys shouts. “No teleportation, Tsip! You know that.” Even while playing, Rhys can’t help but be a Watcher, shouting out both advice and corrections. He’s not wearing his glasses, which makes his face look vague and undefined. Cillian passes him, mussing Rhys’s carefully parted hair into wild curls and laughing at Rhys’s frustration.

I take a deep breath, trying to clear my head of the impulse to kill this demon I invited into our home and swore to protect. “It’s just soccer,” I whisper. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t even like soccer.”

“Football, bloody American,” Cillian sings, neatly stealing the ball from me. His shorts are far shorter than the January afternoon should permit, but he seems impervious to cold. Unlike those of us who are translucently pale at this point in winter, his skin is rich and lovely. He passes to Tsip. Tsip is a vaguely opalescent pink, shimmering in the sunlight. She paints her claws fun colors when we do manicure nights and I try desperately not to miss Artemis.

I stay rooted to the ground where I’m standing. Tsip caught me off guard, but that shouldn’t matter. I like her. And the fact that I went from trying to score a goal to plotting a dozen ways to kill my opponent in a single heartbeat is frankly terrifying. I can’t get my heart under control, can’t shake the adrenaline screaming through my veins.

“Gotta take over for the Littles. I’m out.” I wave and jog from the field. No one pays me much attention. Jade is lying on the ground in front of the goal, the worst goalkeeper ever. Rhys and Cillian are body-checking each other in increasingly flirty ways. Tsip keeps shimmering and then resolidifying as she remembers the no-teleportation rule. They’re all happy to keep going without me, unaware of my internal freak-out.

I’ve deliberately kept them unaware. Things here are going so well. I’m in charge. I can’t be the problem. So none of them know how I can’t sleep at night, how my anger is hair-trigger fast, how when I do manage to sleep, my dreams are...

Well. Bad.

They don’t need to know and I don’t let them. Except for Doug, his bright yellow skin almost nineties Day-Glo levels in the thin winter sun. Annoying emotion-sniffing demon. He watches me from our goal, his nostrils flared. I can’t lie to him the way I can to everyone else. I shake my head preemptively. I don’t want to talk about it. Not with him. Not with anyone. There’s only one person I want to talk to about it, but Leo Silvera’s not exactly available.

I do a quick sweep of the perimeter of the castle. Leo loved me. Check the woods. Leo betrayed me. Check the locks on the outbuildings. Leo saved me. Pause and just listen and look, feeling for anything pushing against my instincts. I let Leo die.

I keep walking. Leo loved me, betrayed us, saved us, and then died, and I can’t be sad without being mad or mad without feeling guilty or guilty without feeling exhausted.

Past the meadow, the tiny purple demons are taking turns pushing each other on the tree swing. That, or they’re trying to push each other off. It’s hard to tell with them. With nothing else needing my attention outside, I end up at the front stairs to the castle.

“Hey, Jessi.” I wave halfheartedly to our resident vengeance demon. She’s leading the Littles through an elaborate game of hopscotch. George Smythe, bundled up and barely able to see under a floppy knit hat, is shouting each letter as he lands on it. “G!”

“What?” Jessi snaps at me.

“E!”

“I can take over for you.” I find the Littles soothing. They might be three incredibly hyper children constantly needing snacks, entertainment, and education, but at least none of them ever randomly triggers a kill reflex in me.

“A!”

“No,” Jessi says, her voice as sweet as summer fruit. “G-E-what-comes-next...”

“O!” George course corrects, wobbling on one short leg before jumping to the required O.

“Good! Oh, you’re so clever. Priya, how are your letters coming?” Priya, a tiny moppet with shiny black hair, is crouched over her own chalk work, which looks more like Klingon than any alphabet I’m familiar with. “Very good, darling! You’re really working hard. Hold the chalk with one hand, like we talked about. Thea, love, fingers out of noses, please — that’s a dear.”

And to think, we once considered these children the entire future of the Watchers. I watch as Thea spins until she falls flat on her bottom. Actually, the future of the Watchers is pretty accurately captured here. I pat Jessi on the arm. “So, you can take the afternoon off.”

Everything sweet in Jessi’s voice turns to ice. “I said no. I don’t trust you with these three precious wonders. We have an entire day’s curriculum to get through, and we haven’t even done story time yet or finished our art projects. Are you going to do any of that with them?”

“I— I could?”

“You were going to turn on a cartoon and read while their fertile minds were filled with weeds.”

Jessi doesn’t have her powers anymore, but I’m pretty certain if she did, I would have been vengeance-demoned right into something oozing and seeping. She’s already turned away from me and back to her three charges. Her whole face is full of gentle warmth and absolute love.

“R!” George declares, hopping emphatically down on it. Jessi claps like he’s cured the common cold.

Thoroughly dismissed, I skulk up the stairs and into the castle. Jessi could at least pretend to be nice. She’s got a lot of enemies out there — vengeance is a nasty cycle — and without her powers she’s vulnerable. We took her in despite her obvious hatred for everyone over the age of ten. There was some debate, given her history, but my mom argued in her favor. It’s a little easier to forgive a vengeance demon who made it her immortal life’s work to avenge children than a vengeance demon who specialized in, say, fantasy league sports rivalries.

But Jessi’s dismissal leaves me with nothing to do. I used to have my medical center and my studies, all my little Watcher duties. Even with so few of us, the castle ran as near to Watcher traditions as we could manage. Which in retrospect was absurd, since we didn’t have a Slayer and weren’t actually doing anything Watchers should.

But now everything has changed. We lost Watchers — Wanda Wyndam-Pryce, sulking off into the sunset, good riddance. Bradford Smythe, murdered. Eve Silvera, secretly a succubus demon and murderer, smushed thanks to my actions. Artemis, off to find herself with her awful girlfriend, the thought of whom makes my jaw ache as I grind my teeth. And Leo, who didn’t warn us what his mother was (and what he was) but fought her to give us enough time to stop her from opening a new hellmouth.

And now we have a Slayer, again some more, thanks to Leo somehow returning the powers his mother stole from me. I don’t know how he did it, and it hurts too much to think about, like everything else. I spend so much of my days trying not to think, and it’s harder than it should be. I used to believe that all Slayers did was act without thinking. I was wrong, but I wish it were true. There’s so little acting and so much thinking these days.

It’s good. It’s all good. It’s good, I remind myself, over and over like a chant. Sanctuary, what we decided to turn our castle into, is just starting out, but it’s exactly what we dreamed it could be. We’ve taken in demons who had nowhere else to go. We’re keeping them safe, and ourselves safe, and we’ll keep looking for those who could benefit from the generations of knowledge and abilities we have. We’re protecting, not attacking or destroying.

Between our new demonic additions and existing Watchers, everyone has tasks and times to do them. It’s more work than anyone anticipated, keeping everyone taken care of and fed, making sure the castle runs like it should. But so far everyone is happy. Everyone is safe.

I sink down against the wall, feeling the cold of the stone radiating outward. The unpellis demon, all four gentle eyes soft and brown and hopeful, snuggles up to my side like a dog. It’s more animal than human in nature, nonverbal, and still recovering from its frequent de-skinning treatment in Sean’s demon-drug manufacturing scheme. I saved Pelly from that cellar.

I didn’t save everyone, though.

I wrap my arms around Pelly and close my eyes. Everything is exactly what we dreamed it could be. Except I feel Leo’s loss everywhere, and I miss my twin, Artemis, with a constant, physical ache.

And, worst of all, with enough time after Tsip surprised me to calm down and remind my body there’s no danger...

I still feel like killing something.