#we were both drunk towards the end of a party so she spared no detail and I still feel bad for how turned on I got while listening to it

[curi0us-cherry]

I hear stories all the time from women who have had a “lesbian” ex-girlfriend cheat on her with/leave her for a man, it used to make me sad, but now it just makes me wet 🤭

[radiantroope]

Do You Trust Me? || JJ Maybank

pairing: jj x reader

mentions: john b, kiara, pope

requested: yes, i don’t have the exact request because it’s over on @maybanksbitch

summary: jj finds out you’ve never had sex. being the loving best friend that he is, he offers to show you what you’ve been missing.

warnings: swearing, underage drinking, mentions of peer pressure, fluff, protected sex (no glove, no love), very detailed and graphic fluffy smut

wc: idfk but it’s LONG

a/n: well, here it is! the end’s kinda shitty but honestly, i needed to finish this instead of going back to it on and off for a week. this is unedited because it’s long as hell and i’m lazy.

masterlist | add yourself to my tag list

* not my gif. if it’s yours, please let me know so i can give you proper credit!

It was a lazy day at the Chateau for you and the Pogues. Everyone was debating on what to do for the day. John B suggesting surfing, Pope suggested fishing, Kiara desperately wanted to go swimming since it was blistering hot out. You and JJ were the only two who seemed keen on staying in. You’d rather sit around drinking and playing dumb games.

You sat with Kiara and John B in a half circle of old, stained lawn chairs. Pope and JJ were playing their favorite game that you called ‘Balance’. The one where you try and knock the other person off balance by pushing their shoulder. They were both holding strong, neither one leaning too far with each push.

Somehow you’d all gotten on the topic of hookups. JJ glanced your way and caught your eye for half a second. He’d been your best friend since you were in diapers, of course he knew you didn’t hookup with, well, anyone. The other Pogues didn’t know that though.

“Remember Fallon?” John B asked the group, sending JJ a sinister smile.

“Oh my God, she was obsessed with JJ!” Kiara shrieked through laughs.

You couldn’t help but laugh too, earning a glare from the blonde headed boy. Everyone remembered the crazy redhead who spent everyday at the Chateau looking for JJ.

“That was the first and only time we’ve ever had to lock the doors,” Pope recalled the memory, laughing when JJ shoved his shoulder harder.

“Oh, don’t think I don’t remember Crystal,” JJ teased, pointing a John B. “Or Brad,” he added and turned to Kiara with a raised eyebrow.

“God he still texts me,” Kiara muttered, shuddering at the memory of the Touron who practically fell in love with her last Summer.

“What about you, Y/N? We see the guys all over you at the parties. One ever stick?” Pope asked.

JJ’s jaw clenched at his question. He caught your eye yet again and almost fell over when Pope gave him a good push. You knew the blonde hated how guys treated you at parties. He was always there to get you out of those uncomfortable situations.

“Andrew,” you responded, feeling your chest tighten.

Your exboyfriend was a touchy subject. He dumped you after a year together when you still didn’t want to sleep with him. It never felt like the right time and at first he was okay with it, until he wasn’t. He tried to demand you sleep with him because that’s what couples do.

“He was your boyfriend, he doesn’t count,” John B said.

“I met him at a party though.”

“But he wasn’t just some hookup that became obsessed,” Kiara added.

“He was an asshole and friends with Rafe. Let’s leave it at that,” JJ intervened and gave up on the game with Pope.

The blonde walked over to you and instead of taking the empty chair between yourself and John B, he plopped himself right on your lap. You huffed and wrapped your arm around his middle when he leant back against you. You brought your bottle of Budweiser up your lips, giggling as some of the cold condensation dripped on JJ’s bare shoulder and he shivered.

The conversation changed quickly after that. JJ was protective of you and they all knew if they continued, they’d never hear the end of it. No one wanted to be on that end of JJ’s anger.

Eventually, it was decided that John B, Pope and Kiara would take the HMS Pogue our for a ride. Where they ended up was unknown, but they needed to get out of the house.

“Y’all coming?” John B asked as he stood up and stretched.

“Nah, I think we’re gonna hang back,” JJ answered for the both of you, though you weren’t complaining. You missed the days where it was just you and him. It would be nice to spend some quality alone time with your best friend for the first time in forever.

“Suit yourselves, you two have fun,” the brunette shrugged and went to follow your other two friends down the dock.

“But not too much fun!” Pope quickly called, pointing two fingers at his eyes then back at you.

JJ rolled his eyes and sent Pope his middle finger while you laughed. They all teased you two for being so close. They insisted that you were soulmates and just blind to it. You’d be lying if you didn’t feel some type of way towards the blonde, but you always pushed those feelings away. Soulmates could be best friends, right? They didn’t always have to be lovers.

“Okay, my legs are numb. Please get up,” you patted JJ’s stomach and let out a grunt as he stood.

JJ grabbed the chair John B had been sitting in and pulled it over so he could sit in front of you. He leaned forwards and rested his elbows on his knees, hands reaching out and grabbing your free one. He toyed with the bracelets on your wrist and tightened the ones that were coming loose.

You could tell his brain was at work with the way his crystal blue eyes glazed over. He wasn’t really even paying attention to what he was doing. You wanted to ask him what he was thinking about but also didn’t want to ruin the comforting moment. The rough pads of his thumbs started massaging gently into the top of your hand as his eyes flickered up to your face.

“I have a question. You don’t have to answer, obviously, but I’d like to know,” the blonde broke the silence with his soft voice.

You raised an eyebrow in response, giving him the indication to continue.

“I know you don’t hookup with people at parties, but I’ve also never heard you talk about Andrew in that way,” JJ started, causing your heart rate to increase. You knew where he was going with this. “Are you...have you-have you ever had sex?”

You mouth went dry at the blonde’s question. He may have been your best friend, but that wasn’t something you disclosed with him. Your friends may have been comfortable with expressing their sexual endeavors but not you. You let people think what they wanted and didn’t really care if it was true.

Your lack of response made JJ nervous. He didn’t want to pressure you into talking about something you didn’t want to. He couldn’t care less wether you had sex or not, he was just curious. “You can tell me anything, Y/N. You know I won’t judge you,” he added.

“I know, I know,” you told him, twisting your hand to hold the blonde’s. The tiniest smiled curled at the corner of his lips.

“I, um, yeah, no,” you stumbled over your words, cheeks heating up under JJ’s intense stare. “I’ve never had sex.”

“Not even with Andrew?”

You shook your head and let out a small laugh, avoiding his gaze and staring out at the water. “It never felt right with him. He dumped me because I wouldn’t,” you explained, feeling his grip tighten on your hand. “And I hate the idea of drunk, meaningless hookups too. It’s not like I don’t want to have sex, of course I do, just not like that.”

JJ’s bright eyes watched the way your index finger tapped against the neck of your beer bottle. His gaze trailed up your arm and stopped on your lips. He could see that you were chewing on the inside of your bottom lip. He watched your eyes flicker across the horizon, sparkling with the sun’s reflection. Your hair blew over your shoulder in the warm breeze.

“Do you trust me?” your blonde best friend caught your attention with his question.

You turned and met his stare, eyebrows furrowing a bit. You answered, “Of course I do. More than anyone in the world.”

“Would you let me make you feel good? Show you what you’ve been missing?” JJ was calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside his heart was hammering against his chest.

You didn’t know what to say at first. You’d be lying if you said you’d never thought about it. JJ was hands down, the most attractive guy on the island, in your opinion. And you knew him in a way other people didn’t. You didn’t know how you hadn’t already taken the dive and fallen in love with him sooner. With the way he was looking at you right now, it started to seem like a possibility.

The pads of JJ’s fingers started to ghost up and down your arm slowly, causing a shiver to run through you. He tilted his head and questioned you, “Y/N?”

You took a gulp of your beer to ease your nerves and set it in the cup holder of the chair. Breathing in deeply through your nose, your e/c eyes fell on his sapphire ones yet again. You head bobbed as you nodded and small smile spread across your lips, saying, “Yeah.. yeah, okay.”

JJ stood up and pulled you up as well with the hands holding yours. He interlocked you’re fingers and led you the short distance up to the Chateau. With each step your heart started to beat faster. You grasped the blonde’s hand tighter to try and keep yourself from shaking. He smiled over his shoulder at you as you crossed the threshold into the house.

The blonde’s hand left yours once you’d entered the spare bedroom. You turned and shut the door, flipping the lock into place just in case the Pogues came back during your escapades. You turned around and tried not to ogle at JJ who had shed his shirt in the few seconds you’d had your back to him.

A smirk curled on his lips as he sat down on the edge of the bed. You’d seen him shirtless thousands of times, but this was different. His eyes were a darker shade as he stared you down. A heat spread through your body as JJ used one finger to beckon you to him, a soft “C’mere” leaving his lips.

You took the few steps to the bed and stopped in front of him. His hands reached out and landed on your waist, pulling you in between his legs. He guided you down into his lap until you were straddling him. Your soft breaths mingled with his from the close proximity. Your hands found place on the warm skin of his bare shoulders.

“If it starts to be too much for you, just tell me to stop,” JJ’s voice was soft as he reached up and tucked your hair behind your right ear, “Okay?”

You nodded and gave him a small smile, whispering, “Okay.”

JJ’s pointer finger hooked under your chin and pulled your lips to his. He tasted like beer with a hint of mint and his lips were a bit chapped. He could taste your cherry chapstick and a soft hum left him. Your fingers slid their way around his neck and into the soft waves on the back of his head.

The blonde’s hands found your waist again as he pulled you closer. Your head tilted, deepening the kiss as you felt his tongue swipe your bottom lip. You obliged and allowed your lips to part, tongues dancing together. Your head was spinning. Never did you think you’d be kissing your best friend of sixteen years, nor that it would feel so good; so natural.

JJ’s fingers slipped under the material of your shirt, dancing against the soft skin of your hips. You pulled away from his lips, breathless. His eyes were soft as he gazed up at you and pushed his hands higher, your shirt moving with them. His hands sat on your ribs, thumbs stroking your skin.

“Can I take this off?” he whispered, eyes darting between both of yours, reading your expression to make sure you weren’t overwhelmed.

You bit down on your swollen bottom lip and nodded, holding your arms up as JJ removed the clothing. Your arms came back down, hands resting against his defined pecks as he took in your naked chest. It wasn’t unusual for you to not wear a bra. They were uncomfortable and itchy so you hardly ever wore one unless completely necessary.

“God, you’re fucking beautiful,” JJ breathed as his hands came up and cupped the mounds of flesh.

Your heart fluttered at the compliment, cheeks flushing and a smile spreading across your lips. JJ’s head dropped, nose nudging your jaw as you turned your head to the side. He pressed open mouthed kisses to your neck, sharp teeth gently nipping in certain spots. Your eyes slipped closed, breath hitching as he found your sweet spot and focused his mouth there.

His hands stayed on your chest, squeezing your breasts softly. He pinched one of your nipples between his thumb and pointer finger. On the other side his thumb brushed over the peaked nub with the lightest touch. A soft moan escaped your lips at the sensations he was bringing you. Your body was getting hotter, a tingling feeling intensifying between your legs.

JJ lifted his head when he was satisfied with the marks littering your skin. He brought his lips back to yours in a hard kiss, tongue immediately pressing it’s way into your mouth. His hands gripped your thighs as he turned the two of you abruptly.

Your back met the mattress and your lips seperated. He was settled between your legs, hands on both sides of your head. He took in the way your pupils were blown, parted lips puffy from the pressure of his own. Your hair was sprawled around you as short pants left your body. A smile tugged at his lips as he leant down to kiss you again. JJ was starting to think he didn’t care if you were the only girl underneath him for the rest of time.

His lips didn’t stay on your for long, wet kisses being pressed down your neck and chest. You watched him kiss his way down your stomach to the hem of your shorts. His eyes flickered up to yours in question as his fingers lingered around the button.

Your head moved in a single nod and that’s all it took for the boy to undo your shorts and pull them off, your underwear going with them. You felt shy under JJ’s hungry gaze as he dropped your clothing onto the floor. Your thighs went to clamp shut but he put his hands on your knees to stop you.

“Is it too much?” the blonde asked, staring up at you.

“No, no,” you responded quickly and smiled softly, putting a hand over the side of your burning face. “S’just no one’s ever seen me like this before.”

JJ smiled at you and glided his hands up your thighs, leaning down to kiss the inside of your knee. He started to trail his lips up the inside of your thigh slowly, eyes still locked on yours. “You’re beautiful,” he told you again against your skin.

You bit your lip to hide your grin and shifted as he pushed your legs open wider. JJ laid down flat on his stomach in between your legs, nearly moaning as his painfully hard cock brushed against the mattress through his board shorts. His eyes flickered up to your face and remained there as he leaned forward and tested the waters, tongue dragging through your folds slowly.

A soft gasp left your lips at the foreign feeling. The bottoms of your feet pressed further into mattress. JJ repeated the action a few more times, the drag of the velvety muscle against your clit sent jolts of electricty through your body. His middle finger came proding at your entrance, slipping in with ease.

He pumped the single digit and slid his ring finger in beside it after a minute. A soft noise of discomfort left your parted lips. JJ wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked softly to distract from the feeling. There was no stopping the smirk on his lips when a sharp moan left you as he curled his fingers. His tongue flicked at your sensitive bundle nerves and your fingers grasped onto the sheets tighter, another moan leaving your mouth.

“Ah, shit,” you hissed, face scrunching in discomfort as he added a third finger.

JJ looked up at you and then focused his mouth on your quivering inner thighs, trying to ease the pain. “I know, I know. But I’ve gotta make sure you’re good ‘n stretched so it’ll hurt less,” he cooed.

You nodded twice and breathed slowly as you willed your body to relax. JJ’s mouth came down and found your clit again. He swirled his tongue as he began pumping his fingers again. He was pleased to hear your whimpers turn back into moans.

The blonde pulled away when he figured you were stretched enough. He wanted nothing more than to have you cum around his fingers, then his cock, but he thought it might be too much for you. A soft whine came from the back of your throat when his fingers left you and he chuckled.

JJ came to a standing position beside the bed and undid the strings on his shorts. He pushed them down and kicked them off, dick standing hard and proud once it was free. He didn’t miss the way your eyes widened and you nervously swallowed as you eyed him.

“I know it looks intimidating,” JJ started, feeling proud that you were impressed. “But you’ll be okay.”

“JJ, you’re gonna rip me in half with that,” you stated, completely serious.

A loud laugh came from the blonde as he bent down and grabbed a condom from the box stored under the bed. He stood back up and crawled onto the bed, silver foil packet clutched between his fingers.

“That’s not gonna happen, baby, promise,” the nickname directed at you rolled off his tongue and your stomach flipped. You’d always teased each other with names like that but it was different in this sense.

You watched silently as JJ ripped open the condom package. His hands shook the slightest bit as he rolled it on and let out a puff of air from the little contact his erection received. He shuffled closer to you on his knees and hooked his hands under the backs of your thighs, pushing them towards your chest. You bit down on your bottom lip as you felt the head of his cock brush your entrance.

“Ready?” the blonde asked, bright eyes meeting yours. His thumb rubbed gently on the back of your thigh as if to tell you it’s okay to back out now.

You nodded in response and let out a deep breath through your nose. Your hand reached down and gripped onto JJ’s wrist that had your leg held back. He gave you a small smile then looked down between your bodies, free hand helping guide his length into your entrance.

Your mouth fell open, hand squeezing onto his wrist tighter as he pushed into you slowly, inch by inch. JJ’s jaw clenched as your pussy gripped him like a vice. He put the hand that was free on your hip and paused.

“Relax, Y/N, you gotta relax,” he groaned out, resisting the urge to plunge into you like he was used to.

“I’m trying,” you whimpered, tears stinging the corners of your eyes.

“Breathe,” JJ told you, “Breathe through it, baby.”

You sucked in a shaky breath through your nose and let it out your mouth, repeating the action until your muscles started unwinding. The muscular boy above you huffed when he felt you unclench around him. He pressed forward again until his thighs were pressed against the back of your own.

He stayed like that, letting you adjust, drawing soothing circles against your skin as he waited. He looked up to your face and saw you had your eyes clenched shut. His hand came up and caressed the side of your face, thumb brushing underneath your eye.

“You okay?” he asked softly.

You swallowed thickly and opened your eyes to look up at him. He was staring down at you in worry but his eyes were filled with nothing but adoration. The whole scenario was making your head spin.

You were laying there, stuffed full for the first time with your best friend’s cock. What?

“Y-Yeah,” you managed to respond, feeling breathless under his stare. “You can move.”

JJ put the hand that was on your face beside your head, leaning his weight on it as he hovered over you. He pulled out slowly then pressed back in. He pushed your leg back farther with the other hand and thrust his hips again.

It was an agonizingly slow pace, you knew that much, but he was taking his time with you and you’d never been so grateful. Anyone else probably wouldn’t have taken care of you the way JJ was. You couldn’t picture losing it to anyone else in that moment. He was the closest friend you had. He was your person.

JJ’s eyes moved between your face and down to where your bodies met repeatedly. He was entranced by seeing your tight walls grip him so deliciously, but also needed to make sure you were okay. He smirked slightly when he saw the crease inbetween your eyebrows disappear with each thrust and soft, pleasured noises started to leave your lips.

The blonde boy began thrusting faster, unable to contain the low groan that bubbled in his throat. Your hands moved up onto the back of his neck and wrapped around his bicep. Your blunt nails dug into his skin as you moaned louder, head tilting back and pressing into the mattress.

JJ readjusted his position, dropping to his elbows on both sides of you. You hiked your legs up on his hips, breath catching in your throat at the new angle. His cock made you feel so full, brushing against your g-spot with each stroke.

“Fuck, J,” you moaned out, fingers tangling in the hair on the back of his head.

The feeling JJ got when looked at you underneath him and you moaned for him was indescribable. A heat flooded his whole body. He wanted to be the one who made you feel good; the only one. The thought of anyone else seeing you like this infuriated him, but the feeling of your hand tugging on his hair brought him out of the trance.

“You’re doing so good,” he muttered, bending his head down to press kisses to your neck, “so good.”

JJ’s thrusts got harder, the head of his cock pressing up against that spot inside of you that made you see stars. You cried you, gripping onto him as he kept the pace, his mouth working more marks into your skin.

He didn’t think he could last much longer, not with how tight your pussy clenched around him every time he hit your spot, moaning his name in ear. He pushed his weight onto one arm and slid the other down between the two of you. He lifted his head and watched as your mouth fell open as soon as his fingers made contact with your clit. He rubbed in quick figure eights, working you up to your high.

“O-Oh shit,” you cursed, nails scratching against JJ’s shoulders as your back arched off the bed.

Your whole body was tingling, a tightening feeling coiling in the pit of your stomach. The rhythm of JJ’s thrusts never faltered. The sinful moan that tore through your throat as you came was music to the blonde’s ears.

“Fuck,” JJ gasped as you clenched around him, following you into euphoria with a moan of his own.

Your thighs shook, still hooked around his waist as you came down from your high. Your arms were still wrapped around his shoulders as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. The two of stayed like that for a few minutes, letting your heavy breaths return back to normal.

Eventually, JJ pulled out of you slowly, causing a small hiss to leave your lips. He climbed off the bed and went to dispose of the condom in the bathroom trash quickly. When he entered the room again, you were climbing under the covers, wrapping yourself in the blankets. You had a hazy look in your eyes and a dopey smile on your face.

“Was it everything you thought it would be?” JJ asked as he climbed under the covers beside you.

The two of you faced each other on the bed, heads nuzzled against the pillows. You hummed softly, eyes fluttering closed as exhaustion washed over you.

“Better,” you muttered in response, cracking your eyes open to peak at your best friend once again.

He was staring at you, soft smile adorning his lips as his eyes trailed over your face. He scooted closer to you and wound an arm around your waist. He pulled you against his chest and pressed a chaste kiss to the top of your head. His fingers trailed lazy patterns up and down your spine, lulling you into the best sleep you’d ever have.

“I love you,” JJ whispered, knowing you were deep in dreamland by now.

The blonde didn’t sleep, he just laid there and held you, replaying what just happened in his mind over and over again. He saw you in a different light; a light that he never wanted to burn out. Laying there holding you, butterflies fluttering happily in his stomach, all he could do was smile.

The two of you were definitely going to be having a long conversation on how to move forward when you woke up.

[dailydaydreamings]

Best in the Worst Way, Part 12

Okay, warning on this one. It gets steamy at the end so 18+. Also, if anyone has read ACOSF and has a book hangover like me (and can’t get over the steaminess) lmk

The Reader has been having a love affair with two Avengers and gets caught in a sticky situation. She’s suddenly faced with life decisions she’s not prepared for, including who to love, what she wants, and is this all worth it?

You and Steve sat shoulder to shoulder in his hospital bed. Both of you had your arms crossed as you stared down the doctor in front of you. Doctor Beeton, who’d you never wanted to see again. Not because he was a bad doctor, but because Bucky couldn’t remember the last eighteen months.

The last five days had been tough. Bucky had gone through countless tests and it became clear his memory went blank the week before the three of you had slept together for the first time. Steve was doing a lot better, he’d even started walking around and was being discharged today. But you hadn’t seen Bucky since he woke up.

Doctor Beeton sat on a black stool, explaining, “All tests indicate that this should be acute. Bucky’s had a lot of head trauma, so we can’t predict how or if it will come back.”

You closed your eyes, leaning your head against the back of the bed. Bucky had enough memory problems without this. You often had to repeat the same thing over and over to him already. You remembered once, months ago, telling him four times you were going to see a movie with a friend. Steve had been on a mission. He’d called you in a panic when you weren’t at home.

You sign, leveling Doctor Beeton with a stare, “We’re about to have two babies. Twins. Is there anything you can do?”

Steve squeezed your thigh.

The doctor shook his head. “This is going to have to come back on its own. We’ve talked about this before,” he looked to Steve.

Who nodded solemnly, and explained to you, “We had tests run a while ago. Buck’s memory just isn’t the best because of all the wiping and head trauma in the past. It’s not getting worse, or it wasn’t, but he’s got all these blank spots. Like, the first three months after the blip or everything that happened when he was fifteen. And you’ve seen how he can be with some details.”

You nodded, sighing again. “Okay, so what do we do?”

“You go home, Bucky can be discharged today too,” the doctor explained. “Get back to a normal routine. It’ll help jog his memory.”

You and Steve exchanged a look, what the fuck was a normal routine?

———

“So, we lived here?” Bucky looked at Steve for confirmation. You hadn’t broke the news yet that you were a throuple, Buck thought he and Steve had gotten a place together off the compound. And you were just tagging along to make sure they were okay. Because you were just the Avengers secretary.

The place didn’t exactly look like two men lived here though. It had been yours before they had moved in. Bucky surveyed the entrance with a big round, gold accent mirror. And the pictures on the wall of your college girlfriends, your childhood pets, and the three of you.

You stood behind him as he entered the apartment, peering into the living room. With your vintage green velvet couches, marble tables with gold accents, vases full of plants and flowers. He peeked at the book shelf, every book on historical fiction, romance fantasy, or social theory. All yours. Neither of their tastes remotely.

He surveyed the small table you had, big enough for four. You scratched your head, would it fit two small children soon? It was dark wood with a bench pressed against one wall and two chairs on the other side. It had been the only way to fit it into the space. The walls were a coral sea pink accent wall and gold hanging lights. He walked into the kitchen, looking specifically at the pink flowers you had on the breakfast bar. “We didn’t actually live here, did we?” He asked Steve.

“You did,” you answer. You motion for him to walk to the table. He follows from the kitchen, awkwardly taking one of the chairs as you slide into the bench sighing with relief. Your legs felt ready to give out by this point. “You lived here with me.”

Steve slid into the bench beside you, taking your hand.

Bucky’s eyes fixated on your hands. You remembered that in his mind, it was eighteen months ago. And eighteen months ago, he and Steve had a pact not to sleep or date you because they both wanted you.

“So you two are a couple then?” Bucky asked coolly. “And I just slept in the spare room.”

“Not...exactly,” Steve looked to you for help.

“Buck,” you said, “just hear me out. A lot has changed...a week after what you remember, the Avengers had their annual fundraiser event.”

Bucky nodded, “I remember getting a suit for that.”

You nodded, you had booked this fitting. It had been two days before Bucky stopped remembering. “At the party, I got a little drunk and I asked the two of you to sleep with me. You had been drinking that strong stuff that Thor brings and we’re also pretty drunk. And you did.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow, “We had a threesome?”

Steve nodded.

Bucky’s face blanched. You remember that he was going through the same emotions as last time, realizing he had sex with his best friend in the world, and who he’d had a crush on since they were kids.

Bucky looked at Steve and asked, “And you were okay with this?”

Steve’s face twisted, “No, I wasn’t for a long time actually.”

You scratched the side of your head, “Steve struggles with being a little...closeted. He’s really not out to most people. But the three of us started hanging out and having sex with each other, regularly. And then you two moved in here. And I got pregnant. And here we are...” You trailed off. That was over simplifying it a bit.

Bucky’s eyebrows were touching his hairline. “What?” He breathed.

“The thee of us are a throuple, a relationship with three people,” Steve clarified. “Or as y/n called it, a super secret super solider threesome. Because no one knew about us.”

Bucky surveyed the two if you, leaning back in his chair uncertainly. “And now?”

You wrinkled your nose, “Everyone thinks I was sleeping with both of you separately. Because you two got into a big fight when I got pregnant. So everyone assumed it was over who the father is.”

Bucky’s eyes dropped to your belly, which was very obvious in your empire waisted, pink maxi dress. “Who is the father?”

You run your hand up and down your bump protectively, “We don’t know. You and I decided it wasn’t important.”

A terrible thought ran through your head, what if Bucky didn’t want the babies now?

He cocked his head to the side. “So what was the fight about?”

Steve cleared his throat, looking sheepishly down at his hands. “I walked out when y/n told us, and we got into a brawl. And then I asked her to get an abortion. And then I heard the heartbeats and I wanted her to leave you to be with me and have the babies. And then she told me it wasn’t going to happen. And then you and I got into a fight because I asked you to be with me. Without her.”

Your head snapped to the side, well you didn’t know about that. There would definitely be a conversation about that later. Bucky just raised an eyebrow.

“But,” Steve continued. “I’m back and I want to be part of this family. With both of you and our children.”

“Children?”

———

Bucky seemed to be taking the news rather well, in a way of not talking to either of you for the last four hours and staring at a wall way. But he hadn’t walked out yet.

He sat with his arms crossed over his chest, contemplating for most of the rest of the day. Occasionally, he looked over at asked a clarifying question. One of you would answer and he’d go back to his silent thought.

Neither you or Steve said a word to each other in fear of disturbing Bucky.

It was late when you heaved yourself to your feet, placing a hand under your bump, you finally addressed Bucky. “I’m going to get ready for bed. I just want to know where you’d like to sleep tonight.”

He finally blinked, looking up at you. No, not at you, but at your belly, “huh?”

“Do you want to sleep with us or there’s a pullout couch in the spareroom. It’s a nursery now, but...”

He swallowed hard, looking to where Steve was minding his own business, pretending to read a book. “Can I sleep on the pullout couch, please?”

You would under normal circumstances squeeze his shoulder at his uncertainty, but you remembered how much Bucky hated little affectionate gestures in your early relationship. “Of course, baby,” you said instead. He looked at yor quizzically and you realized you shouldn’t have used the pet name. Clearing your throat, you said, “Let me get that ready for you.”

“You shouldn’t—“ Bucky started, staring at your belly.

Steve stood, “I’ll help. It’s okay, relax.”

You rolled your eyes, “I can unfold a damn pullout couch.” Bucky’s eyes widened in surprise, it was probably the first time he’d ever heard you swear. You took a lelvelling breath before saying, “Steve, I’ll find the sheets and you get the couch, okay?”

He nodded in agreement.

You went to the hall closet, pausing to let Steve pass you in the narrow space. Closing your eyes, you could see it five years from now. Trying to walk down this hallway with a laundry basket while two five year olds being chased by Steve and Bucky with nerf guns barrelled the other way. Oh no, this place was definitely not going to be big enough for the five of you soon enough.

You entered your former office, now nursery. Bucky had painted the walls a gentle green. No furniture was in here yet, except your couch from when you were in college (soon to be tossed to the curb), the rocking chair you’d ordered last week, and a couple of unopened boxes of baby furniture.

“Sit,” Steve instructed, nodding towards the rocking chair.

You did as he asked, stroking your belly as you commented, “Just a friendly reminder you’re not supposed to be doing anything too strenuous either. You were just impaled.”

He rolled his eyes, pushing a box to the corner of the room. “I would hardly call moving these boxes strenuous.”

You rocked back and forth slowly, “So you asked Bucky to leave me?”

Steve paused, he propped his arm on a tall box and looked at you, “While we were on mission, and he gave me hell for it. I also decided I was done being scared and I would be there for both of you. And them.” He nodded at your belly.

You could easily start a fight about this. Instead, you nodded and said, “I think we need to move.”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “When we suggested moving in together, didn’t you say this place was a once and a lifetime investment? That it would pay for itself one day and you loved it too much to sell.”

You pursed your lips, this apartment was your first love. You bought. You fixed it up and decorated it. You’d literally sought exclusively jobs in this area to avoid ever having to move again. You had once thought this place was enough for you, and now it was feeling a little cramped.

The corners of Steve’s mouth twitched upwards. “You’re nesting. If we’re gonna move soon, let’s at least do it while the baby stuff is still in boxes, yes?”

You rolled your eyes, “Pull out the damn couch, Rogers.”

———

The following morning you sat at the breakfast bar, a beagle in hand, munching away happily.

“Okay, so we’re supposed to get back into some kind of routine,” Steve stood on the other side, leaning against your kitchen counter. “So, we typically started each day by going on a run.”

You looked over to Bucky, who quirked an eyebrow.

“You’re not running,” you clarified, knowing his unasked question. “You’re still under concussion protocol. So, you an I are going for a walk.”

Bucky straightened at that, “It’s really okay, I can just—”

“Not an option, soldier,” you stood. He gazed at you in your leggings, a tight compression shirt that made you look very pregnant, and a high pony. You’d have liked to go on a run too, albeit much shorter and slower. “This is our time to chat and you can ask me a million questions. And I can tell you embarrassing stories about Steve that you missed out on.”

“Hey!” Steve raised his hands in defence.

“You,” you pointed at him, “are also under orders to take it easy.”

“Yeah, hold on.” Bucky said, “Why aren’t you walking with us.”

Steve shrugged, “I’m a super solder who was stabbed in the gut, I heal fast. Your brain doesn’t. We don’t know how many concussions you’ve had, we’re not messing with concussions.”

The golden rule: don’t mess with concussions.

“Steve’s gonna run with Sam,” you interjected. Steve raised an eyebrow. “He’s outside. You’re to follow his pace for today.”

Steve rolled his eyes, pushing off the counter. It would inevitably be a very slow run for him, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Alright, soldier,” you nudge his foot with yours. The closest you’d be getting to an affectionate gesture anytime soon you realized with a slight heart ache. “You’re not getting any younger.”

He laughed, standing to grab his shoes. “So, what’s next in the routine after a walk?”

Bucky, ever the gentleman, opened the door for you and let you walk down the stairs first. You knew he was keeping a close eye on you, even as you gripped the railing.

“We make breakfast,” you started, thinking of the list you and Steve had made last night. “Then we go to work. We used to take separate cars, when we were keeping this a secret, but now I guess we’ll drive in together? I mean, as long as you’re comfortable with that.”

Bucky blinked in surprise.

You opened to door to your building, the crisp morning greeting you. You started on your usual walk, trying to take on a brisk pace.

“I mean, doesn’t everyone already know?” Bucky asked.

You nodded, “Pretty much everyone. You and I have been acting like a couple ever since we found out about the babies.”

Bucky swallowed hard. You realized he hadn’t said a word about the babies yet.

“How are you feeling about everything?” You asked, trying to subtly steer the conversation in a direction where you could ask how he felt about the babies.

He shrugged. “I mean, this isn’t the first time I’ve woken up without a memory. I’ll adjust, untangle everything as we go.”

You nodded, “A lot has changed this time though...”

He glanced at you, and you made a pointed gesture at your belly.

Bucky ran his hands through his hair. “Okay, eighteen months ago I couldn’t image this. Eighteen months ago you were the hot secretary. In our last conversation, you told me you were craving an afternoon delight and were referring to coffee. But I still obsessed about it for the next two days, wondering if it was an invitation.”

You smirked, “It was.”

“The point is,” he took a deep breath, “we were all different people the. I would have done anything to sleep with you, let alone go on a date with you. Stev was the guy I’d loved forever and I was content to be his friend. I’ve always wanted to be a dad, but...I never thought it’d happen to me, and I was okay with that.”

You really wanted to take his hand, instead focusing on fiddling with your fingers to ease the ache of needing to feel him.

“What I’m hearing,” you said, “is that you’ve got everything you’ve ever wanted, and you don’t know how to handle it.”

He shot you an exasperated look, “I thought we were going to be talking about fun facts about our relationship.”

You took that as him wanting to change the conversation and launched into a story about Steve getting the three of you lost hiking.

When you got back to the apartment, you were a little more winded than you would have liked to admit and the stairs hadn’t helped. Your back ached and you desperately wanted to go lie down.

“Can I get you something?” Bucky asked.

“Water?” You asked, sliding into a seat.

You watched Bucky reach for a cup in a cupboard, without having to tell him which. He even grabbed your favourite cup. Everything would be okay.

———

The three of you settled into a new routine. You and Bucky went for walks together until he was cleared to run, first with Sam then with Steve.

You went to work for nine. They both walked you to your office and would come have lunch with you. At five, you’d leave together.

You’d come home, each of you taking turns to cook dinner. You’d typically end the night watching a show and be in bed early. Bucky would sleep in the spare room and you’d sleep with Steve.

Every other week you had an ultrasound and Bucky had an assessment.

You and Bucky had a secret habit though. Most night you woke up with the babies kicking wildly. You’d get up to avoid waking Steve and go sit and read in the living room. Bucky was typically waiting for you, up with a nightmare or just not able to sleep.

Most of the time you’d sit in silence. Sometimes Bucky would read off some headline from this phone or you’d recount something someone had said on your day.

There had been no change in Bucky’s memories but he seemed to be getting more comfortable with you and Steve. Life went on. There was nothing you could do about it, so you just went on.

Until Wednesday. A random Wednesday that you would remember for the rest of your life.

It didn’t start out so special. Your alarm went off and your cursed at Steve for setting it in the first place. Sleep was hard to come by and you were twenty six weeks pregnant and hating it already.

“You were the one who wanted a morning walk,” Steve rolled over, tracing your belly. He kissed his way up your neck and you swatted him away, feeling remarkably unsexy.

“Fuck off, you have to run,” you rolled over and placed your feet on the ground. Your back already ached and your head was throbbing. Today was not going to be a good day, you decided internally. You rolled your neck and got up to face the day.

Bucky was sitting in the kitchen when you got up. “Morning,” he grumbled over a cup of coffee.

You nodded in agreement, you’d both been up from two till three doing buzzfeed quizzes. According to buzzfeed, you should be dyeing your hair green. You were not considering it.

You poured yourself a cup of coffee and waddled to sit beside Bucky at the breakfast bar. Your back squeezed painfully as you sat and Bucky noticed.

He reached out a hand to steady you and help lower you to the chair. “You okay?”

You shrugged, “Pregnancy. My back just really hurts.” You propped your head on your hand and wiggled your eyebrows as you said flatly, “I booked myself a pregnancy massage for tomorrow though.”

Bucky propped his head on his head, mirror you as he said equally as flatly, “Wow.”

“Alright!” Steve clapped his hands together, booming as he came in the room. “Let’s get moving!”

You looked at Bucky, “I’m gonna castrate him.”

“Why!?” Steve asked.

You peered around Bucky and said, “Fifty percent less chance of pregnancy. That’s how I see. It’s almost effective strategy for birth control.”

Bucky frowned, “Thats really not how statistics works. If you have two fully fertile men hat you’re sleeping with at the same time, that wouldn’t decrease your odds by fifty percent. It would maybe be like twenty five or ten...”

You smirked, “So I’m sleeping with both of you now?”

Bucky blushed a deep shade of red.

You stood, leaning over to kiss his cheek as you went. He froze under your touch and you retracted it like you’d been burned, wholly unaware of the subconscious gesture. “Buck—” you started.

He cleared his throat, not making eye contact as he looked at Steve. “Let’s go.”

You spun to look at Steve, who eyed you with wide eyed uncertainty.

———

You couldn’t stop thinking about Bucky not talking to you, even as you sat in a meeting with your two maternity replacements. Jenna and Alicia. You hated them both. Two bland, corporate machines. You picked them because you figured they would follow instructions and wouldn’t care enough to actually get good at your job and start trying to make changes. Besides, there was too much to teach and too little time. You would give them each select tasks and they could figure out the rest.

“The one thing upon need to remember is that every call goes through five different people before it gets to you,” you shifted in easily. Your back was really aching. “Don’t waste your time with stupid questions. Get to the point, who are they. Who do they want to talk to and why. You each have a cheat sheet with how to direct calls and who is willing to talk to who?”

They peered down at the lengthy binder you’d made for them. You were beginning to think it wasn’t enough.

“Take five, ladies,” Tony called, entering your office.

They scurried off, afraid to even look at Tony. Yeah, this was going to go over really well.

You stood on uneasy legs as you came around to give Tony a hug, “Thank god you’re here. They bore me to tears.” Tony wrapped an arm around you and your back seized. You flinched, hard.

Tony pulled back, putting his hands on your shoulders, “Are you okay?”

You were nearly in tears but you nodded, “Yeah, the babies just kicked really hard.” You lied. He obviously didn’t buy it but he let you go sit in your chair. You sighed in almost instant relief.

“What can I do for you Tony?” You asked, spinning slightly as you stroked your belly.

“I came to talk about your maternity leave,” he started. You just rolled your eyes. This was becoming an old song and dance.

“I’ll work till I pop or the doc says I can’t.”

He pursed his lips, “I’m worried your going to run yourself thin and then something bad is going to happen.”

You waved him off, “Nothing is going to happen. I had an ultrasound last week. Everything looked great.”

Tony shook his head, “I have a really bad feeling. I can’t explain it. But I do.”

You touched your chest, “You’re worried about me.”

“It’s not funny.”

“No you care, it’s sweet. It’s misplaced but it’s sweet. I’m totally fine. You can put that worrying into finding me a house though.”

Tony rolled his eyes this time, “I knew this was coming. That cramped little space is not going to work soon.”

———

Steve and Bucky came to get you at five. Bucky didn’t meet your eye as you left.

He sat in the back seat of the car on your way home and he went and sat in his room as soon as you got home.

“Did I fucking break him?” You whispered at Steve as soon as the two of you got into the kitchen.

Steve ran a hand through his hair, “No, he’s just...you threw him for a loop.”

You leaned against the counter, fisting your hands through your hair. “I can’t live like this, Steve. I can’t just not touch him. I can’t just ignore how he flinches every time I get close.”

Steve held out a hand, “Take a deep breath. If this was two years ago, he’d have gotten on a motorcycle and have been out of state in an hour. If this was the start of our relationship, he’d have reacted the same way. We dealt with it then, we’re dealing with it now. You have to let him come to you.”

You closed your eyes, leaning against the cabinet. He had to come to you. For everything, especially touching.

The rest of the night was spent in silence. Bucky didn’t even come out for dinner. You and Steve went to bed early.

You woke up a 1:58am. Steve was snoring beside you and the babies were doing gymnastics inside of you.

Your heart twisted, you wondered if Bucky would be sitting in the living room waiting for you. Probably not.

You stood up, your back twisting painfully. You couldn’t freaking wait for that massage.

You made it down the hall and saw a soft light on in the living room. Bucky was sitting there, on his phone. He didn’t even look up as you padded up behind him. He just said, “Have you seen the video of the raccoon with the cotton candy?”

You let out a laugh of surprise. “Yeah, I have. But let me see it again.”

Bucky was sitting in the green armchair. You came to sit in the corner of the couch, as close to him as you could get to peer over at the video.

Bucky let out a chuckle as the raccoon dipped the cotton candy in the water. You smiled warmly over at him.

“Have you the video where they give him a second piece,” you ask gently.

The look on Bucky’s face was too pure. Too excited. You ran your phone and immediately search for it.

Half an hour later, your sitting with a book in your lap and Bucky is scrolling through his phone. You shift uncomfortably and Bucky asks, “The babies?”

You quirked your eyebrow at the question.

Bucky didn’t talk about the babies. He went to the ultrasounds and sat quietly in the corner. When you complained about the kicking at night, he quickly changed the subject. When you talked about baby stuff with Steve, he left the room. It was almost as if your belly wasn’t getting bigger everyday.

“Yeah,” you shifted uncomfortably. “They’re really going at it tonight. And my back aches.”

Bucky smiled quietly at you, you were almost looking back down at your book when he asked, “Can I feel?”

You looked up in surprise. Especially after this morning, this was the last question you expected to hear.

“Yeah, of course,” you put your book down. “Will you give me your hand?”

Bucky gently reached out towards you, you took his hand, watching his face carefully before placing it where the babies were most active.

He jumped in surprise, “You weren’t joking. Wow.” But his hand stayed firmly on your belly as the babies continued to kick wildly.

You observed his face, his eyes were so full of wonder. Like they were when you told him you were pregnant. He even had a small smile on his face as he traced your belly, looking to feel more of the babies.

“Bucky, about this morning, I’m really sorry...”

His eyes snapped to yours, suddenly aware that your faces were only inches apart.

He quirked his head to the side, “No, no. I have something I wanted to say to you actually. I didn’t even go to bed, I just waited until you went to bed to come sit out here in case I missed you.”

His hand continued to stroke you belly as he went on, “I realized something today, after you touched my shoulder. I was surprised, but also, it didn’t scare me as much as I thought it would. I feel like I haven’t been fair to you, and I definitely overreached today, but mostly I wanted you to know, I really liked it when you touched me.”

Oh. Your eyes widened slightly at the admission.

“And,” he went on, “I got thinking about how this must feel for you and Steve. Like a long distance relationship where the other person is right in front of you. I don’t remember everything, but I know I loved you guys. I want to try. Everything, all of it. You and him and the babies. I want it.”

A tear made its way down your cheek, you weren’t even aware you were crying. “I want to kiss you so bad,” you admit. “Actually, I want to do a lot more than kiss you.”

He boyish smirk took over his face and he leaned forward to brush his lips against yours. You kept your hands at your side, even as he deeper the kiss, leaning you back slightly in your seat. This was his kiss, it would go how he wanted it to go. He broke the kiss to stand in front of you.

“Get up,” his voice had dropped an octave as he looked down at you with hooded eyes. You did as you were told, not sure where this was going.

He took your hand, you thought he was leading you to his room before he suddenly pushed you against the wall. Your gasp was interrupted by his mouth pressing hard down on yours. You pressed your hands hard into the wall as he kept kissing you. As his tongue entered your mouth, exploring ravenously.

The kiss broke suddenly for him to drag his lips down your skin to your neck. You let out a loud moan as his tongue traces up your neck towards your ear. “Oh my god,” you gasp, it had been a while and heat was pooling between your legs. You wanted him now and you wanted him fast.

“Touch me,” he growled in your ear.

You didn’t need to be told twice as you dragged a hand up his spine. He shivered. You wrapped your hands in his hair and he let out an audible moan.

His lips were back on your neck, sucking a mark. Your hips bucked under him and he tried to get closer to roll his hips against yours.

He couldn’t get close enough with your belly. And you needed more.

Suddenly your shirt was gone, leaving your top half completely exposed. His hands roamed your swollen breasts.

You gasped at the feeling, raking a hand down his back.

He tweaked a nipple, “Is this what you like, baby?”

You could only nod as his mouth took one of your nipples.

He tweaked the other one and your knees started to feel like jelly. “I didn’t hear you baby, do you like it when I play with your nipples?” He tweaked them both for emphasis.

“Y-yes,” you managed.

He pressed open mouth kisses up your neck back to your ear. His tongue flicked the inside of your ear and you almost came undone.

“Do you know what else I realized, baby?” His hands still cupped your breasts. You attempted to grind against his to get some friction but he was being patient. Agonizingly patient.

“What?” You finally gasped.

He licked that spot again, and said with his lips brushing your ear, “I really like it when you call me soldier. Especially when you’re bossing me around.”

He bit on your ear lobe and you couldn’t help but moan.

“Alright, soldier,” you pushed him away to tug at his shirt. “Stop teasing and get to work.”

His eyes gleamed.

He pulled back to take his shirt off and you pulled off your sleeping shorts, now fully naked in front of him. He looked down at you, a devilish smile on his face.

He started with your shoulder, pressing open mouth kisses down to your left breast. He took it in his mouth, expertly sucking. You pressed your hands against the wall to steady yourself.

He continued down your body, kissing down your belly. His hands rested on your hips as he fully lowered himself to the ground. You expected more teasing. Some tendernous.

Not for him to lift a leg over his shoulder. Definitely not for him to latch on to your clit, doing that little trick that he did. You almost screamed.

Heat was building fast. His hands cupped your ass. You needed more. You might have said it outloud.

A finger entered you and you jolted, grinding against his face. It curled inside of you and you swore. “Bucky, I—”

He didn’t stop. He added a second finger and attacked you with his mouth with even more ferocity. He was starving and this was his first meal.

And he was going to devour you.

You wrapped one hand through his hair, gasping for air. You were close. He just had to keep going with his fingers hitting that spot. Yes, just like that.

Bucky broke away, his eyes dark as he looked up at you. “Let’s go wake Steve up.”

You were so fucking close. Oh my god. But he didn’t give you an option, gripping your hand and dragging you down the hall.

He opened the bedroom, leading you in. Steve was still out cold, but Bucky picked you up with ease and tossed you down beside him. He started taking his pants off and you started slapping Steve’s shoulder.

“Huh?” Steve opened an eye. He saw you naked and seemed to perk up a bit. “Hello.”

“Hi,” Bucky’s deep voice surprised him. “You wanna play?”

Steve was up in an instant, “I’ll get the lube.”

You smirked up at Bucky, who was stroking himself as he stared you down.

“Get on the bed, soldier,” you demanded.

He didn’t need to be asked twice, he crawled on top of you. He dragged a his lip up between your breasts until he was kissing you fevourously again. You expertly wrapped your legs around him and flipped him over so you were on top.

You took hold of him, stroking him hard, how you knew he liked it. His head rolled back as he moaned. You guided him to your entrance and sank down on him fully. He gasped, reaching for your hips.

You groaned, grinding down on him, “If you think this feels good, just wait till Steve joins in, soldier.” As you said it, Steve’s hands roamed up your body, coming to cup your breasts.

He breathed in your ear, “You ready for me, baby?”

You nodded, leaning forward to grasp Bucky’s shoulder as Steve lined himself up with your entrance. Suddenly they were both thrusting into you. Bucky could barely breathe, grasping the sheets from the insane pleasure.

You, were already close. You could barely move, except to enjoy the feeling of both of them inside of you. Finally.

You were ready to explode. Your hands grasped Bucky’s shoulders as he thrust into you at an erratic pace.

Steve leaned forward to cup your breasts and whispered, “Cum baby.”

You screamed as you felt your walls release. You saw black for a moment and as your started to come down, Bucky came inside of you. He leaned back, panting heavily but Steve wasn’t done. He kept pounding into you. You came again before he finished.

You finally felt Steve pulled out and you rolled beside Bucky. “Oh my god.”

Bucky gaped, “I was missing out on that.”

Steve plopped down beside you and burst out laughing. You started laughing too. And soon enough so was Bucky. It was contagious. You couldn’t help out. Soon you were gasping for air but every time you nearly stopped, it started again.

The laughter died down after a while. You started to yawn and Bucky timidly asked if he could stay the night. You told him of course, got up to pee, and laid down between them.

Finally, your family was starting to feel complete. Bucky wasn’t back to being himself, but things were staring to look up.

You dozed off but just as quickly Bucky was shaking you awake. You blinked thought your exhaustion. Steve was no where in sight.

“What?” You rasped.

Bucky wouldn’t meet your eye as he said, “We have to go. Steve’s getting the car.”

“What?”

“Everything is going to be okay, y/n,” his voice broke. He started to lead you out of bed. You gasped, your belly contracting painfully. “You’re bleeding. We’re gonna go get you check out.”

You could barely breathe. Not as he gently dressed you. Not with each time your belly contracted painfully again. Not as you looked back and your pristinely white sheets to see them smeared with bright red blood.

Tags (open) @booktease21 @sexyvixen7 @just-the-hiddles @fading-mentality-bouquet @a--1--1--3 @broco8 @yougottalovefandoms @hailqueenconquer @tazzi-baby @imaginebeinlovedbyme @amiets2 @prettyblueskylark

[moldisgoodforyou]

what’s your body count

not my gif - lmk if you’re the owner and I’ll credit you! 

truth or drink based off this game I wrote about previously! 

warnings: mentions of sex, cursing

wordcount: 1.4k

_

charlie and jj were both four shots deep into a game of truth or drink at a party. instead of direct questions, they were addressed to the whole group, all sprawled around couches down in the pit at beta. it had kind of evolved into a mix of truth or drink and never have I ever as the group got progressively drunker.

charlie had complained that the first three were targeted, given she and grace were the only two girls playing in the group. (they kind of were, but the boys wouldn’t admit it.)

“never have I ever...made someone pretend to date me.” thomas grinned, sending a glance toward charlie and jj.

“you said you wouldn’t tell!” charlie exclaimed, shooting a glare at grace. she knocked back the shot anyways, scowling as the liquid burned down her throat. grace offered a sheepish smile and shrug. “he asked how you two got together. my bad.”

“you aren’t gonna drink, maybank?” elliott questioned, nudging the bottle toward him. jj laughed, poking charlie’s side. “nah. it was all her idea, I just went along with it.”

“what are you guys playing?” logan miller, jj’s big brother in beta, asked as he flopped down on the couch by jj and charlie.

as his big brother/mentor in the fraternity, he was a year older, already graduated, and had come back to visit for the weekend. he had strolled into jj’s room completely unannounced at 7am, making for an awkward introduction as charlie had slept over the night before. there was something oddly familiar about him, but charlie couldn’t place it, and had just chalked it up to him looking like every other generic frat boy.

“truth or drink. or...never have I ever. kinda both.” jj explained, passing him a spare shot glass. “elliott, it’s your turn to ask.”  

elliott nodded, thinking. “um...never have I ever slept with someone in this circle.”

grace rolled her eyes and reached for the bottle, taking a shot along with thomas (her on-and-off fling, currently on), charlie, jj...and logan. logan looked sheepish as he took the shot, not looking toward charlie or jj.

elliott raised an eyebrow toward logan. “who have you slept with, miller?” logan chuckled uncomfortably, casting a glance toward charlie. “uh. well.”

charlie’s face dropped, it clicking for her. “oh fuck.”

jj whipped his head back and forth between the two of them, his jaw hanging open. “you’re kidding, right? ha ha, very funny guys.”

“you didn’t remember?” logan asked charlie, tilting his head slightly. “that’s why I was so awkward this morning, when jj introduced us.”

“what the fuck?” jj asked, his head reeling. “no, seriously, what the fuck?” he repeated, standing and grabbing both charlie and logan’s arms to haul them into a different room.

charlie winced as he dragged them into the kitchen, shutting the door behind them. a couple freshman girls glanced up from their current pursuit of stealing poptarts from the cabinet, frozen in place. “can we have the space, please?” charlie asked politely and the two girls nodded quickly, giggling as they left.

jj crossed his arms, glaring at logan. “explain.”

“it was my freshman year, j, I hardly knew you then.” charlie started, leaning against the fridge. jj nodded, redirecting his stare to logan.

“we didn’t go all the way if that makes you feel better.” logan explained and charlie groaned, slapping her palm to her forehead.

“oh, so she just had your dick in her mouth, that’s totally different!” jj exclaimed, throwing up his hands in disgust.

“um. not exactly.” charlie offered, trying her best to stay on her feet despite her drunk brain telling her to lay on the floor.

“fucking hell.” jj sighed, running his hand through his hair.

“I’m too drunk for this.” charlie mumbled, resting her head against the fridge door.

logan glanced back and forth between the two of them. “look, jj, this happened before you two were even friends, literally three years ago, and it was a one-time thing after a party. I understand it’s probably weird for you -”

“probably?!” jj interrupted.

logan winced. “yeah. but you really can’t be weird about it, we were two very mature, consenting adults that had a one night -”

“this isn’t helping.” charlie shook her head, her nose wrinkled. logan nodded. “right. I’m gonna go.”

jj groaned, then called out after him. “you’re not staying on my floor tonight!”

“figured as much!” logan called back, letting the door swing shut behind him.

there was a moment of silence between the two before charlie reached out toward jj, arms outstretched. “my head is spinning, can we go to your room?” jj let out a short laugh, walking over and securing his arm around her waist. “I’m not mad at you, y’know. just. confused.” he pressed a kiss to her temple before walking upstairs with her, both of them stumbling a couple times.

“why didn’t you say anything this morning?” he asked as they made it into his room, charlie immediately going to lay down on his bed. “honestly, I didn’t remember. it happened first semester, after some date party.” she replied, squeezing her eyes shut a couple times.

jj gave her an amused smile, sitting next to her and combing his fingers through her hair. “you good, pretty girl?”

“I’m seeing three of you.” she confessed, scooting over so her head rested in his lap. he grinned, unable to stay too upset at her for long. “bad time to have this conversation?”

she shook her head, slowly. “no, no, I’m fine. but seriously, it wasn’t even that big of a deal. okay, he did go down on me, but -” she stopped as jj clamped his hand over her mouth, shaking his head. “I don’t need details, walker.”

charlie blushed and nodded. “right. what did you want to talk about?”

jj hardly hesitated, knowing he could get her to confess honestly with her current state. “what’s your body count?”

charlie took a beat to reply, thinking through it in her head. “uh....five. no, wait, six. you’re included.” he laughed. “I should hope so.” she nodded, sitting up for only a second until she leaned back into his side. “what’s yours?”

“eight.” jj replied, then scooted so his back was against the wall, pulling charlie with him to lean on his chest. “but how many are betas?”

charlie turned red, covering her face. “this isn’t fair! you guys live right next to kappa, it’s not my fault!”

jj grinned. “how many, pretty girl?”

“four. wait, are we counting logan? then five. and my body count’s at seven.” he groaned, tugging gently on the end of her hair. “why couldn’t you have slept around with literally any other house?” he complained.

charlie sat up - too quickly, having to take a second to focus - and pointed an accusing finger at him. “why couldn’t you?! I know at least four are kappas!” he laughed. “five, you’re included.”

“so we’re even, then. you can’t complain.” she insisted, crossing her arms stubbornly. he scowled. “but girls don’t talk about their sex life that much. you don’t have to hear one of your former hookups talk about it in the dining hall at lunch.”

charlie raised her eyebrows. “oh, honey, are you really that oblivious?”

he furrowed his brow. “what do you mean? you guys don’t talk about that, do you?”

“I had to hear about someone getting railed like, every weekend while I had breakfast when I lived in the house.” she countered, laughing at his taken-aback expression. “what did you think we talked about?”

“I don’t know, like studying and crushes and shit! that’s all!” he shrugged, leaning over to kiss her then stopped midway. charlie leaned toward him, whining when he moved away. “wait, we’re not done with this conversation.”

“what’s there to say? I’ve fucked other people, so have you - more, might I add -”  

“must you be so vulgar?” he teased. she rolled her eyes. “I should have never let you watch pride and prejudice with me.”

he grinned. “but I love you, walker. most...guardedly.”

“it’s ardently.” she shook her head, smiling.

“well, I love you most guardedly.” he declared, ending the conversation effectively with a sound kiss.

[ffangirlingsince2001]

End of the Tunnel: XII

Description: It’s almost been a year since Freed Weasley was lost to the Battle of Hogwarts, and for George Weasley it might as well be an eternity. He is lost in the dark, no color to be found. Until suddenly there might be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Warnings: Today is nothing but fluff my dears, if you’ve read this far you deserve it.

MASTERLIST

***

Ron and Hermione’s wedding came two months later.

While some may have assumed it was because the young love birds couldn’t wait to get married, the rest of the Weasley offspring knew it was all about avoiding Mrs. Weasley’s love of overplanning.

George was helping his brothers hoist the tent, just as they had done for Bill two years before, and Hannah, upon Hermione’s request, was speaking to the Grangers. When she had first approached them, they had been nervous, and then relieved when she slipped in the small detail about her blood. It seemed Hermione didn’t have a lot of family, and had Hannah not been there, they would have been the only muggles in attendance. Truly, a daunting prospect.

Eventually the vanished to get ready for the ceremony, and their seats were replaced by the ever-radiant Fleur Delacour. Until that moment Hannah had only heard stories about George’s sister-in-law but there was no time to stare in speechless awe. Never one to be rude, Hannah introduced herself.

“Hannah Gladdis.”

“Oh yes, I know you,” Fleur said, “You’re my next sister-in-law, yes?” Hannah could only blink in shock. “You are with George, no?”

“Yes, yes, I’m with George, I just didn’t know people thought we were engaged.”

“Are you not?”

“No, we’re not.”

“In time.”

“I’m not sure about that, I’m not sure his mother likes me much,” she admitted awkwardly, and Fleur let out a soft laugh before taking her hands with her own.

“It does not matter if his mother likes you, it does not matter if his sister or his brothers like you, it does not even matter if his great aunt Muriel likes you. Does George love you?”

“Yes, yes I think so.”

“Do you love him?”

“With every bit of me.”

“Then you will marry him.”

“But-.”

“They called me Phlegm.”

“What?”

“His sister called me Phlegm. Hermione said it too. Even his mother let it slip a few times. And yet I remain.”

“That’s terrible.”

“It is life, and it is how I know that it does not matter if they all hate you. It does not matter if you are a muggle. It does not matter if you are part goblin.  If George loves you half as much as Bill loves me, you will marry him.” Hannah stared at her, swelling with her assurance. She let her eyes wander to George, dressed in his best suit as he chased a small toddler waddling across the lawn, sighing softly. “I look forward to your wedding, Hannah,” she said, standing, smoothing out the red satin of her dress before joining her husband close to the front row. Hannah watched as she pulled her child onto her lap, kissing the white tufts of hair with incredible fondness. Bill wrapped an arm around his wife and Hannah smiled, they were a perfect portrait of love, one that she couldn’t help but feel a tinge envious of.

The envy couldn’t last long though, not when George appeared, having given up his chase.

“Fleur wasn’t scaring you away, was she?” he joked, and Hannah quickly shook her head.

“Definitely not.”

“Good, wouldn’t want my family fighting.” They both blushed at his choice of words but said nothing as he linked their fingers together pulling her towards their seats. As they sat his hand found knee and gently tilted them closer.

They sat in comfortable silence as the chairs filled up around them. Sloane and Draco slipped into seats beside them, maintaining their invitation from a drunk Ron. Draco hadn’t been sure about coming, but Sloane had insisted, she wasn’t going to miss the marriage of two war heroes. The unlikely group didn’t say much as the final seats filled, and the pianist struck the first note of a classical song Hannah didn’t recognize.

The senior Weasley’s began the procession, dressed to the tee. Hermione didn’t have any siblings and Ron had too many to choose from, so they had forgone the mess of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Mrs. Granger came next, escorted by Harry, joyful tears already streaming down her face.

Then, in unison, the crowds stood, turning to watch as Hermione stepped into view. Hannah was unable to contain the gasp that slipped from her lips. Hermione looked like a fairytale as she stepped down the aisle, father guiding her towards the altar. There was no glitz and glam, no lace, only the softest white crepe but the simplicity of the dress only allowed her radiance to shine brighter. Someone had placed white flowers through her French twist and a simple veil hung over her eyes.

At the end of the aisle, Ron was bright red, eyes glossy as she approached him. He was wringing his hands nervously, subtly bouncing on his toes.

When she reached the altar, the vows began. George took her hand as they listened, running his thumb thoughtfully along the back of her hand. The vows moved quickly and when the officiant announced ‘you may kiss the bride’ Ron grabbed her, surprising both her and the audience by dipping her before melding their lips together. The crowd burst into applause, George hooting beside her as the two kissed for longer than anyone thought Hermione would have allowed.

The reception began instantly, Hannah watching in awe as the chairs turned into tables with the flick of a wand. A wonderful dance floor was situated in the center, soft golden lights turning beautiful patterns across the floor. Hermione had tried to explain how she had managed them a few days ago, but Hannah had left feeling only more confused than before, so she simply stared in awe.

The glasses were never empty, and the food was delicious. The conversation was never dull, and everyone was filled with overwhelming joy. Even when the cake tipped over in an incident involving Crookshanks, a garden gnome, and Harry smiles remained bright and cheery. Hannah recognized several people who had visited her bar, and they came over to say hello, surprised that she was there and promising that they would be stopping by to get another round of her firewhiskey. George recognized several more, introducing her to everyone who stopped to say hello.

The bride and groom were making rounds to the table when they stopped in front of their table.

“You look beautiful,” Hannah gushed, pulling her into a spare seat. Hermione blushed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“And of course, the ceremony was lovely, but you really know how to throw a party,” Sloane added.

“Oh, the party was all Ron, he’s rather good at planning when he sets his mind to it,” she admitted, twitterpation evident across her face. “I’m just surprised there’s no reporters trying to crash, we were getting requests all week. Of course, we told them no, but that hasn’t stopped them trying before.”

“Oh, that would be my fault,” Sloane admitted.

“Tell me all your secrets.”

“I signed it as mine. Anyone who comes around will be informed that I have claim on the story.”

“And they listen?”

“Oh yes, you’ll find I’m rather persuasive,” she said with an almost evil smile, “I’m not reporting either, but I thought you might prefer a bit of peace on your wedding day.” Hermione embraced her, thanking her repeatedly. Sloane only responded with a lopsided grin.

“The story’s yours,” Hermione promised, “Say whatever you like, and you tell the paper if they ever want anything the Weasley-Grangers won’t talk to anyone but you.” Now it was Sloane’s turn to hug her, both girls squealing ‘thank you’s as Hannah laughed. Hermione thanked their group one more time as Ron led her away, shining brighter than a new penny as he paraded around his beautiful wife.

George kissed her forehead before searching for his mum, and Sloane and Draco went to dance, leaving Hannah with a moment of silence.

A slow song filled the tent as the first dance began. Hannah watched as Ron twirled Hermione around the dance floor with unexpected grace from the gawky man she had seen trip over dust mites. Slowly, other couples joined them, and she looked around for George, hoping to earn her own dance, but he had disappeared.

“Could I steal a dance before my brother comes back,” a deep voice asked and when she turned, she was surprised to see Bill standing in front of her, a hand extended. She glanced around for Fleur, to ask permission, but she was nowhere to be found either. “It’s alright, she suggested it,” Bill said, and her worries disappeared, taking his hand as he led her to the dance floor. He spun her quickly into the correct position as they moved around their space on the dance floor.

“We’ll be lucky to have you in the family,” he said, and she blushed, laughing softly at his admission.

“Your wife said something similar earlier this afternoon.”

“I know, that’s why she sent me.”

“Oh?”

“We’re all glad you’re here, my mother especially. She raves about you to our father when she thinks no one’s listening, and when you left after Sunday dinner, she was a blubbering mess. You gave her hope, so if for a second you’re ever worried that someone doesn’t like you, I want you to remember that.” A tear slipped down her cheek and she quickly brushed it away.

“I’m just not… the same.”

“Neither is George.”

“But I don’t know if he’s going to propose, and I don’t want to get my hopes up,” Hannah admitted, eyes flickering to her empty ring finger.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and if that’s not unconditional love I’m not sure what is.” She blushed, eyes blurring a bit more.

“Do you really think so?”

“I know so. Speaking of, here he comes now,” Bill said before spinning her into the arms of her beloved boyfriend. He caught her with ease, adding a spin of his own before clasping her between his arms. When she glanced back to thank his brother, she found him already holding his wife as they swayed.

“Enjoying yourself?” George asked and she nodded.

“I am.”

“Wonderful, otherwise I’d have to fill you with more champagne.”

“Oh, I’m not sure I could handle another drop.”

“Nonsense. One can never have too much champagne.”

“I’m practically floating from all the bubbly.”

“That’s why you haven’t stepped on my toes,” he teased, and she gasped, batting his chest softly. “Only kidding, my love,” he said and then dipped her until her hair brushed the floor before sweeping her back into his arms, kissing her as he embraced her.

“I thought you didn’t dance,” she giggled breathlessly, and he shrugged.

“I’ve decided it depends on the dance partner.” He twirled her again, watching with awe as she laughed, stumbling into his chest. He pulled her close to kiss her, hand resting on her cheek. She loved kissing him, it felt like drinking sunshine and the way he held her like no one had before made her feel like a giddy schoolgirl.

“Wizard weddings are so beautiful,” she whispered, not completely meaning to say it out loud. “The decorations are next level.”

“Maybe you’ll get one of your own,” he said before his eyes widened, it was clear he too hadn’t meant to say that out loud. She giggled nervously, and in a desperate attempt to diffuse the tension he spun her around until they were laughing to hard to be nervous. They danced for hours, jumping around with friends when the violins picked up speed and swaying softly as they held each other when the music softened.

And that was how the night ended. With laughter, suggestive winks, and arms wrapped around each other until they were sure they were drunk on nothing but champagne and love.

[ilovefandoms102]

Part 10*

Summary: The day after the party...JJ drops the bomb on you.

Taglist:

@ma10427 @lasnaro @certainstatesmantoadartisan @iamaunicorn4704 @riverdaleserpent04 @justcallmesams @sspidermanss @tangledinsparkles @jellyfishbeansontoast @hurricane-abigail @poguesnobx

Part 9  Part 11 

Note: Sorry for the late update! Hope you guys enjoy!

Some more steamy stuff happens so prepare yourselves..

===========================================

I immediately regretted saying yes to going to the kegger, knowing I had to be at work at the ass crack of dawn the next morning. I was still slightly drunk when I woke up naked, tangled in my sheets. JJ wasn’t beside me, so I assumed he had already gone to work. As I got ready for the day, I reminisced on last nights events. The Pogues finally getting a break from Kook drama, Kie and Sarah and I making a truce, and JJ making love to me for the first time (and lots of other times when we got home). He was so sweet to me, just thinking of him made my heart burst. I loved that boy so much it consumed my entire being. Life without him wouldn’t be the same.

I took a longer shower than I had intended to, so I rushed out the door grabbing my keys on the way out. I drove the van as fast as the piece of shit could go and made it to work with five minutes to spare. I took some medicine from my locker to help with my hangover headache, the smell of The Wreck making me nauseous. I texted JJ asking him if he needed me to come pick him up after work since we usually get off at the same time. His usual fast reply didn’t come. I shrugged it off, assuming he must have been busy. 

“How you feeling chick?” Kie asked me, coming over to hug me.

“I’m alright, just the usual hangover headache.” I laughed.

“Well I have a feeling it’s going to be a slow day, it’s just started pouring the rain. I think a tropical storm is headed our way.” Kie said, both of us turning our heads toward the TV. And sure enough, the news anchor was showing where a tropical storm was supposed to pass through. 

“Great..I hope John B moved the boat so that big ass tree doesn’t ruin it” I mumbled.

I checked my phone again, still no response from JJ. Worry starting to bubble in my stomach. I really hoped he didn’t have to go to his house to get something. I started picking at my nails, a nervous habit of mine since I can remember. 

“You ok?” Kie asked when she noticed my movements.

“I just haven’t heard from JJ, he wasn’t home when I woke up. I tried to text him and he hasn’t responded. I’m worried he had to go back to his dad’s” I confessed.

“I’m sure he’s just busy at work...You’re worrying about nothing.” Kie said, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. “You know what we need?” she asked.

“What’s that?” I asked, smiling at her.

“We need a girls night, just us, no boys” she said.

“That actually sounds awesome, I’ve been dying to have girl talk” I said. “What about Sarah?” I asked hesitantly.

“I was going to ask you the same thing. I..we talked last night and sorted our differences, so I guess we’re cool now. I think we should invite her.” Kie said.

“Sounds rad” I said. 

Kie got out her phone and texted Sarah the details. I texted my brother the plans, telling him to relay the message to JJ since he isn’t picking up his phone. I actually tried calling JJ a few times, even FaceTiming him to see if he would pick up. My brother saying he hadn’t seen or heard from JJ either. 

Later that day:

It was finally time for me to go and I ran to the back, got my stuff, and sprinted out of the building. I was not prepared for what I saw. JJ was sitting in the passenger seat of the van, looking straight ahead at nothing. I walked slowly over to him. I got inside the van, once I was up close I noticed he had been crying.

“JJ,” I whispered. He didn’t say anything, just kept looking straight. He wasn’t ready to talk yet, so I just put the van in drive and headed home. 

Once we got to the chateau, I waited to see if JJ would get out. It was almost like he was frozen in place. I was scared, he usually would have spilled what was wrong. I wasn’t used to him going this long without talking to me. We told each other everything.

“Baby, I’m going inside to start dinner...just come talk whenever your ready.” I said. I leaned over to kiss his cheek and he flinched away. I was surprised and hurt. I got out and ran into the chateau.

I started preparing dinner, it had been a good thirty minutes and JJ sitill hadn’t come inside. I was cutting up some vegetables when I heard the front door close. I tensed up a little, but resumed what I was doing. I didn’t want him to think he had hurt me when he already had enough on his mind. I felt like someone was watching me, so I turned and saw JJ watching me. 

“Um, I’m going to Kie’s after dinner, so...uh” I started, feeling insanely awkward. Why wasn’t he talking? Why was he looking at me like he had lost his puppy? I was so confused and hurt I didn’t know what to do. 

“I love you” JJ said. I blinked, trying to process what he had said. Had I heard him right?

“What?” I asked, feeling my eyes widening.

“I love you, but we...you were right about our happy ending. It’s not going to work” he said tearing up.

It was my turn to be silent. I stared at him, the boy I have been in love with for as long as I can remember. The boy who I kept falling more in love with every single day. He’s fought for me, made love to me, and made me feel so incredibly happy. Now he’s wanting to turn the tables? 

“I told you I didn’t mean that shit JJ” I said, now getting angry. How dare he throw that in my face the day after I gave something so sacred to him that I couldn’t get back.

“But you’re right sweets, I’m a low life. I literally have nothing to offer you. I barely get by with the job I have, I can barely contribute to anything here, and you deserve the best. And that’s not me.” he said, raking his hands through his blonde curls. 

“JJ, you are it for me. I love you more than I thought it was possible to love someone. I’ve been in love with you for most of my life. I continue to fall more in love with you every single day. Whatever fucked up shit someone said to you, please don’t let that come between us. We’re better than that, stronger.” I said, staring deep into his eyes.

“No, I’m not going to let you throw away your life for me! I won’t let you!” he yelled, slamming his fist into the wall.

“JJ I’m not throwing anything away! I love you!” I yelled back.

“You can’t” he said, his voice cracking. 

“Why? JJ, tell me what’s wrong.” I demanded, my voice cracking now. He stayed silent, looking at the ground. His shoulders heaving with his heavy breaths. I was getting angrier by the second because of his idiotic behavior. 

“You know what? I’m going ahead to Kie’s. I’ll give you some time to think about what all you just said.” I walked into my room, shoving random stuff into my bag. I felt the tears starting to flow down my face. After everything that has happened in the last few days, he wants to call it quits?

“Baby,” JJ said coming into my room.

“No JJ, I told you I didn’t mean any of what I said the other night, and you want to throw that back in my face?” I questioned. I didn’t even turn to look at him, I continued with my task at hand. I got the courage to turn and look at him, fed up with his bullshit. “I gave you something that I can’t get back because I love you JJ Maybank,” I said pointing at him. “I gave you the most sacred part of me, and now you want to just throw it away? You want to just, give up on us? Hell no..” I started tearing up again, so I turned away from him. The rage starting to kick in and I couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“Go on, find someone else that will do absolutely anything and everything for you!” I yelled, throwing stuff at him. I threw whatever I could get my hands on, sobs building up in my throat. “Find another girl that would lay down her life for you asshole!” I sobbed. My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest. Like it was being crushed into a million tiny pieces. 

He started coming closer to me, his baby blue eyes filled with regret. I ran out of stuff to throw, so I grabbed my pillow and smacked him with it. 

“Go find someone that will love you the way that I do” I said. 

He grabbed my wrists, yanking me to him. I fought back, trying to get away from him. I shoved him as hard as I could, tears clouding my vision, and sobs coming heavy from my chest. 

“Go JJ! Get out!” I screamed while pushing him. I didn’t mean a word of it, but I was so angry at him...I didn’t care.

“Stop it beautiful, let me talk” JJ whispered, trying to grab on to me. “I’m not leaving you, baby, please..” he said quietly.

“FUCKING LEAVE! You want rid of me, so go ahead J! You know where the door is!” I yelled. I shoved him one last time before he caught my wrist in a tight grip. 

“FUCKING STOP!” he bellowed. 

I quit fighting him, and just stared at him. He grabbed under my jaw and yanked me to his face, smashing his lips to mine. I grabbed at his sides, pulling him closer to me. We started walking backwards toward my bed. JJ turned around at the last second, sitting on the bed and pulling me into his lap. When we pulled away for air, I stared into his eyes, searching for what he was feeling.

“J,” I whispered. He leaned into my neck, brushing his lips right below my ear.

“I love you” he whispered.

My heart melted to my toes. I whimpered, trying not to cry again. I shoved my hands under his shirt and yanked it off of him. I did the same with mine, grabbing his face and kissing him again, both our tongues fighting for dominance. JJ ripped my bra off, then came up to squeeze my breasts. I moaned into his mouth, starting to grind on his lap. 

JJ threw me back on my bed, unbuttoning my shorts and yanking them down with my underwear. He came back up and kissed me again, his hand traveling down south. I threw my head back and gasped when his finger brushed over my sensitive spot. His lips traveled to my neck while his fingers started to rub me. I grinded onto his hand, shoving my hands into his hair. He groaned into my ear, moving his hand to slowly enter a finger inside me. I wiggled my hips, trying to get some type of friction.

“You like that sweets” JJ smirked into my neck.

“Yes, please J, more” I gasped out. 

He obliged by entering not one, but two more fingers inside me. The feeling was exhilarating, he started pumping his fingers. He started slow at first, but gradually sped up the more I got into it. I moaned and whimpered into his ear, tugging on his hair so hard I’m sure I would pull some strands out. The flat of his palm was hitting my nub just right and I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer. JJ started pumping faster, the obscene noises drew me even closer to the edge. 

I looked down at his arms and saw the way his veins protruded from them due to how fast he was pumping his fingers, and lost it. I yelled his name and bucked my hips into his hand, he didn’t slow down until my legs started to shake. 

It took me a moment to register that JJ had gotten up to take his shorts off until I felt his weight on top of me again. I heard the sound of plastic being torn, assuming he was putting on a condom. When he leaned back down I rubbed his cheek with my thumb and pulled him down to kiss me. 

“I love you honey bear” I said to him. 

He smiled wide and kissed me again, then he pulled back, lined up and pushed inside me. Having just came I was still a tad sensitive. I moaned loud, grabbing his shoulders. He started pumping in and out of me, I dug my nails into his shoulders because of the intense pleasure I was feeling. 

JJ lifted my legs higher on his hips, hitting a new angle that touched a spot deep inside that lifted me to cloud nine. JJ sped up his pace, pounding hard into me that it was almost too much. He pulled my hair back so he could slam his mouth hard onto mine.

“JJ, I don’t think-I can-again” I gasped into his mouth. Feeling too much all at once.

“Yes you can my love, I know you can baby” he panted. He went even harder, taking his hand down to rub me hard and fast.

“J-J-can’t,” I stammered. 

“Be good for me my love, cum with me baby” he whispered into my lips.

We both came at the same time, JJ buried his face into my neck, and I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head. 

“I love you” we both said at the same time, laughing.

JJ went into the bathroom to dispose of the condom while I was still recuperating. I pulled my sheets over me, loving how they smelt just like JJ. He came out of the bathroom and slid under the covers with me. We faced each other, entangling ourselves in the sheets. I laid my head just under his chin and kissed his throat.

“Let’s not talk about that ever again..” I said, hiding my face in his throat.

“If it means I get to fuck you like that again, then I’m bringing it up all the time.” he joked. 

“Stop” I laughed, pulling back to playfully slap his chest. He laughed, pulling me back into him.

“Never again, I love you sweets” JJ said, kissing my hair.

“ I guess you’re alright Maybank,” I teased. JJ acting mock offended trailed his hand to my side to tickle me. “JJ quit!” I giggled.

“Say it back” he said, continuing to tickle me. I kept up the act until I couldn’t breathe.

“Ok! ok!” I yelled, still giggling. He stopped and looked at me expectantly. 

“Sweets,” he murmured, his hands starting to move again.

“I love you” I said, hugging him to me. 

“I know, I’m pretty great” he said, laying back into the pillows.

“You’re such a dick” I shoved him again, laughing.

“Yeah, but you love me for it” he smiled at me, pulling me down to lay on his chest.

“I do honey bear” I whispered.

=================================

[blazedgraysons]

Killing Me Softly

The one where Grayson falls in love in under 12 hours

A/N: Here’s another fic inspired by literally nothing. I am pretty proud of this one though. To all the people who said nice things about Drunk Off You, just know that I read every single one of them and you own my heart and soul. Also, I know literally no one knows who I am but feel free to send asks or messages. I pinky promise to respond. ♡

Word Count: 1.7K

Pairing: Grayson Dolan x OC (Harlow)

Warnings: nothing really, it’s pretty tame minus a lil angst towards the end. 

“Are you B29?”

Harlow removes an earbud, looking up to meet big brown eyes staring back at her. It’s hard not to notice the rest of the man standing in the aisle.

Brown hair flops over his forehead as she moves her eyes down to appreciate the soft scuff lining his chin - not quite a beard, but not quite stubble. He’s dressed casually in a gym shirt that outlines every single bulging muscle paired with grey sweatpants and some Louis Vuitton slides. She nods slightly to his question, hoping the adonis of a man doesn’t notice that slight blush that’s appeared on her face. He offers her a gracious smile and effortlessly slings his carry-on into the overhead cabin.

“Looks like we’re neighbors then.” Harlow hums in acknowledgment, not sure why he’s so friendly. Most passengers would’ve just grabbed their seat and slept or occupied themselves, but this man intends on making himself known.

He slides into the neighboring seat, and Harlow is instantly overwhelmed. If she thought he looked good from afar, up close was even better. Here she could appreciate all the minute details — the dark mole on his chin, the expensive cologne, the 333 tattoo behind his ear. It took everything in her not to stare, so instead, she settles for quick glances hoping he would be too occupied by his phone to pay her any attention. If he did notice, he spared Harlow further embarrassment by not saying anything. She turns back to her magazine, a random Vogue issue she picked up in the airport convenience store to pass the time, mentally telling herself to calm down in order to get through the next three hours.

“ I’m Grayson, by the way. Just in case we crash, and you need to identify me.” He jokes, smiling widely and — oh shit, does he have a diamond in his tooth? Harlow is so screwed. 

—-

Grayson’s never been a big believer in fate until now. The idea of some external force dictating a situation in your life just seemed like bullshit. Yet, Grayson couldn’t describe meeting Harlow as anything else.

He had been irritated all the way up to that point. An overbooked plane forced him off his original flight and away from his twin brother. Ethan had offered to go with him, but Grayson didn’t see a point in delaying their trip even further and told him he’d meet him in Jersey. While the airline was over apologetic and gave him (terrible) perks, in order to make the next flight, he had to sacrifice his first-class seat for an economy red-eye flight. But at least he had a shitty hot towel to make up for it.

He scowled all the way through the check-in and tarmac, vowing to never fly with JetBlue again as he passed the first-class seats that he couldn’t help but stubbornly think, ‘That should be mine.’

It wasn’t until he reached his row that he realized what he thought was a hindrance was actually a blessing. Because there sitting in the seat next to him was a beauty that could only be described as ethereal. Her long, dark hair tumbles in tight coils down her shoulders as she sits crossed-leg, hunched over a magazine, biting her lip in furrowed concentration. She bobs her head slightly to whatever song she’s listening to as she quickly flips through the pages. She tucks her hair behind her shoulder, revealing blemished copper skin that reflects the light.

A small voice in his head (that suspiciously sounds like Ethan) tells him to stop being weird and talk to her. Before he can justify themillion reasons why he shouldn’t, an annoying cough comes from the lady behind him.

He turns around to glare at her a little and asks the mystery girl her seat number with a smile that he hopes comes off as charming and not predatory.

And fuck, he knows she has to be a blessing because she looks like she was sent straight from the gates of heaven to Grayson’s heart. Ironically, the plane’s fluorescent lights form a halo around her head (‘Or maybe you’re finally losing it.’ Ethan's voice tells him.) He blinks, once, twice, three times before realizing that the girl in front of him isn’t a sleep-deprived hallucination and is actually real. He tries to act unaffected by the slow once-over her round, onyx eyes give him. Still, when he notices her eyes lingering on his chest and thighs, he swallows hard before throwing his suitcase into the overhead and sitting down. 

The grumpy lady behind him gives him a look as she moves down the aisle, and he whips out his phone for a welcomed distraction. The girl, unaware of the havoc she was wreaking on Grayson’s mind and body, continues to sneak looks at him that were a little too obvious for Grayson to not notice. He debates whether or not to ask for her name until she turns back to her magazine and Grayson figures that she doesn’t want to be bothered anymore. It wasn’t until the voice in his head repeatedly calls him a pussy (‘Shut up, Ethan’ he thinks back) that he introduces himself. And when her plump lips turn up into a smile, Grayson pretends to not notice how screwed he is. 

—-

Conversation flows smoothly between the two of them after that. Grayson explains the situation with his original flight and his plans to surprise his mom for mother’s day while Harlow talks about her little brother and the birthday party she helped plan for him this weekend. They talk for so long that their conversation turns from typical discussion to hushed whispers to not disturb the other sleeping passengers. They finally pause for a break when the beverage attendant stops at their row.

Harlow’s honestly glad for the lull in conversation as it gives her time to reflect over what she’s learned. Grayson appears to be very humble despite being heavily involved in the influencer scene in Los Angeles, something Harlow desperately tries to stay far away from herself. Also, despite being one of the hottest guys she’s ever seen, he seems to be so shy that it’s endearing. She notices he stumbles over words, getting so excited about their conversations that he trips himself up.

“So in LA, what do you do for fun? Any friends? Boyfriend?” He asks coolly, trying not to be obvious about his intentions (which makes it so much more apparent in Harlow’s eyes) as he drinks his diet root-beer.

“I work for a high- fashion company doing PR, so I’m always there. I have a couple close friends, but since I’m working so much, I haven’t had that much time for a relationship or finding a guy worth making time for.” Harlow sighs wistfully.

“Ah, that makes sense about the magazine.” He nods, trying to hide his excitement. This situation seems to be working more and more in his favor. “And what guy would be worth making time for?”

“I don’t know honestly. It just seems that all the guys I run into in LA are beyond superficial. All my dates have just been talking about how many followers they have on Instagram or TikTok and just end in hookups. While there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just hard when you want something more, you know?” She shrugs. And as much as Grayson hates to admit it, he does know. Hell, he’s probably been that guy once or twice in his younger years. Still, as he grows older, he craves the same things Harlow does: intimacy, connection, emotion. He takes another swallow of his drink before responding.

“Yeah, I mean hookups and one-night stands are great in the moment, but it’s hard when you just have love you want to give. It’s even harder now that my brother’s dating someone, ya know. Seeing someone you’re close with have what you want; it’s kinda hard not to be jealous.” He shares, hoping she relates and doesn’t think he’s weird for telling so much to someone he met a few hours earlier.

Harlow sits with that for a second before responding, “And what girl would you want to give your love to?” She whispers.

’Someone like you.’ Grayson thinks. But before he could make the bold confession, the plane announces its descent.

——

Grayson realizes almost immediately that he wasn’t paying that much attention to the flight details because the fact that there was a layover in Colorado flew over his head. He lets Harlow pass by him to stand in the aisle and grabs both his and her carry-on to take off the plane. As Grayson stands behind her (and tries not to stare at how incredible her ass looks in her leggings), he does what he’s best at: forming a game-plan. He realizes that a girl like Harlow is too good to let go. So, he figures he could grab a coffee with her, get her number, and plan a date for when they both are back in LA. He smiles, already thinking of the story he’ll get to tell Ethan when he gets to Jersey. As they both slowly move into the terminal, Harlow turns back to Grayson with a bright smile. He smiles back before asking —

“Do you want to get coffee?” He can’t help his heart from swelling as she bites her lip, a habit he notices she does a lot.

“Good, I thought you weren’t going to ask.” She laughs. “Wait here though, I have to run to the restroom.”

He nods, handing Harlow her carry-on. He sits down and pulls out his phone, already texting Ethan that he met his future soulmate.

Five minutes pass: He’s got the future planned out: the wedding, the kids, the farmland in Jersey and the tiny-home in Australia.

Ten minutes pass: He starts to get worried, but figures Harlow can handle herself.

Thirty minutes pass: He considers sending someone to the bathroom to check on her.

Two hours passed: He’s already cased the domestic airline terminal twice, looking for her dark curly hair. 

It’s not until the final call of flight 437-A to New Jersey that he understands: Harlow’s not coming back for him. And he can’t help it when his heart splits into two.

[strongerwiththepack]

Private Waters: Part 1

I hear it's Virgil Tracy Week 👀 Virgil's birthday seems to have inspired a wee fic from me today. Been dealing with a bit of writers block so this was a nice change. This is just part one but I'm hoping (really hoping) that I'll finish it by the end of the week. Hope you enjoy x

Summary: Virgil's birthday celebrations are interrupted by an unidentified boat sailing into their waters.

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] 

[Read on FanFiction.net]

---

"Happy Birthday!"

Virgil was ambushed by his family jumping out from behind various pieces of furniture as he entered the lounge. He knew they'd been planning this but he put on a face of surprise anyway. No point being a spoil sport.

Alan bounded up to give him a hug with an ear splitting grin on his face. The kids' energy was contagious as he accepted the tackle-like hug and chucked.

"Thanks guys."

There was a round of hugs to follow and Virgil felt a deep appreciation that he had this time to spend with his family. Even John was down. He gave his space-bound brother an extra tight hug. It had been a while.

Birthdays were a tricky affair in their family. They always planned a celebration but rescues commonly got in the way. He was lucky things had been quiet today.

He looked around finally noticing an absence and gave Scott a questioning look.

"Kayo?"

"Got called away by Pen this morning. She'll be back later though." Scott assured.

Virgil felt a hint of disappointment that she wasn't here but that's the job. He'd make sure to see her later.

His Grandma came up and kissed his cheek. "Happy Birthday Virgil."

She slid out a thin parcel from behind her back and whispered by his ear. "For my favourite grandson."

Although her version of whispering wasn't exactly quiet.

Gordon exclaimed loudly. "Hey! We heard that!" While Scott laughed and John rolled his eyes.

They knew their grandma loved them all equally but it wasn't exactly a secret she had a soft spot for Virgil.

Gordon plonked a party hat on his head as they sat down. Not exactly gently, he might add, as he felt the sting of the string pinging up under his chin. He glared at his brother but Gordon merely put on an innocent look, commenting "oops".

They actually got a full morning of present opening and silly party games that Alan had planned. Majority of them may be grown men but they weren't above indulging in some childhood traditions.

Virgil noticed John quietly excuse himself during a game of charades, and mentally sighed as he figured their festivities were about to come to an end. He could see Scott kept glancing the way John had gone too and knew his eldest brother was thinking the same thing. A rescue.

"Are we launching John?" Scott asked immediately when their brother returned.

John rolled his eyes at the assumption and explained. "No, it's not a rescue. EOS was just informing me that there's a boat that's crossed into our waters."

It wasn't much of a concern. The island is pretty much in the middle of nowhere but some boats occasionally stray into their waters. Usually, it's party boats that don't bother to research the areas they're sailing into.

Scott nodded, making to turn back to their game. Standard protocol was to radio the boat and inform them that they were in private waters and needed to turn around. John usually deals with it.

"Except there is a problem." John continued. "The boat doesn't seem to have a radio. It could be broken but EOS couldn't get through."

"Is there a chance of it being a threat?" Scott asked slightly tense now.

"Not likely. EOS identified it as a rental luxury yacht that's registered under an Australian family. Probably just lost but they are on a colliding path with the island so we'll need to turn them around."

Gordon sighed dramatically and stood up.

"I got it." He said and headed towards the door that led to the docks. "Don't have too much fun without me."

Virgil felt a pang of unease. "Uh wait up! I'll come too."

"It's fine Virgil, enjoy the festivities." Gordon tried to brush him off.

"I need some air anyway. A quick boat trip sounds fun."

"Awesome!" Gordon exclaimed. He loved it when any of them agreed to go out on the water with him.

Scott gave him a look as they left that clearly said be careful. He wanted to roll his eyes but he'd just had the same thought when Gordon was going to go so he couldn't say much.

They went out in their normal clothes since the whole point of keeping people away was to ensure the secrecy of international rescue. Bit of a give away to rock up in full uniform.

They took one of the speed boats and Gordon expertly manoeuvred then towards the boat in question.

It was a beautiful day. The light from the sun danced across the water as the boat skipped over the waves. He took a deep breath of fresh sea air as the wind breezed around them.

He should really come out here more often. Maybe he could convince Gordon to take him out scuba diving later this week. It had been a while since he'd done that.

It didn't take long before Virgil caught a visual of the offending boat in the distance. He looked back at the island, he could see the outline from here but there wasn't any detail. Good.

Gordon brought them to a controlled stop as the came up beside the vessel. Their boat was quite a bit smaller than the decently sized yacht but they could still see onto the deck. There were two men decked out in classic touristy clothes.

Gordon cut their engine and took the lead calling out.

"Hey there, how're you doing today?"

Up close it was hard to miss the beer bottles scattered around the deck. Virgil groaned internally. Did people not realise how dangerous sailing out in open water was? Adding alcohol into the mix was just asking for trouble.

He wasn't opposed to a couple of beers in the sun but by the way the men grinning and the fact they were practically wobbling to keep their feet under them on the mildly choppy waters he was pretty sure it was more than just a couple.

"Heyyy!" One of the men drawled in what Virgil placed as an English accent. "Just enjoying some fun in the sun."

Gordon, clearly as annoyed at the state these men were in as himself smiled loosely.

"Well I'm afraid you've strayed into private waters. You're going to need to turn around. Do you need any help with your route?"

"Duuude, I didn't know you could own water. That's awesome." The guy turned to his friend. "We should buy some water."

The other guy laughed. "You're wasted man."

These guys clearly weren't taking them very seriously. Gordon tried again.

"Listen guys, I'm glad you're having a good trip but it's illegal for you to be sailing here. Can I see your operating permit?"

Gordon's words seemed to finally snap them out of their stupor.

"Wow there man, we don't want any trouble. I'll get Davie, he's el captaino on this little boat of ours."

The guy chuckled at his words before heading below deck.

Virgil was relieved that neither of these men were in charge here. He only hoped the other guy wasn't as drunk as these two.

A new man appeared on the deck and Virgil took keen notice that he seemed stable on his feet.

"Gentleman, what can I help you with?" He greeted sincerely enough.

"Afternoon Sir, are you the permit holder of this boat?" Gordon inquired politely.

At the mans affirmative he continued. "Are you aware you're sailing in private waters right now?"

"My apologies, I wasn't aware. We'll change course right away."

The man said it like a dismissal but Gordon didn't take the hint. Most likely on purpose, there was definitely a lot of red flags here.

"Do you need any help plotting a route? I can show you the common tourist lanes if you'd like."

"Nah we're good thanks, the rental company plotted a route for us - must've just headed off course slightly. Good'day gentleman."

Virgil jumped in this time before they could make their exit.

"One more thing. We noticed you don't seem to have a radio. You really shouldn't be travelling in open waters without one."

The man gave a forced smile. "Oh yeah, it's busted. We'll be sure to get it fixes at the next port."

"Want me to take a look at it for you? I'm an engineer." He offered.

"No. I said we're fine."

Gordon narrowed his eyes beside him. "Look I'm not trying to be rude but could I see your permit? Just at a glance you're breaking a lot of regulations here."

A flash of rage passed over the mans face at Gordon's accusation and Virgil reckoned his brother was probably on the right track. He sighed. So much for a quick trip.

Before anything further could be said though there was a loud splash from the back of the boat.

"Roy!"

They both startled at the noise. Turning to see only one of the drunk men from before standing on the deck and a foamy patch of water next to the edge of the boat. It didn't take a genius to work out what had happened.

Gordon kicked off his shoes, diving into the water in seconds. Virgil leaned over the edge of their boat, ready to help once Gordon surfaced.

He had no doubt his brother would get the man. It's what they did after all.

"Oi!" He heard the captain shout.

He just barely spared him a glance, too focused on the water. But then he had to do a double take as he found himself staring down the barrel of a gun.

He slowly stood up with his arms raised above him. This was not good.

The other man on the deck placed a wide plank between their boats.

"Cross over." He was instructed.

His eyes had been fixed to the man with the gun unwilling to look away but he hesitated then. Sparing a glance towards the water he desperately looked for his brother.

Gordon had surfaced and was staring back at him with a grim look. He bobbed next to the other man from the boat and Virgil caught a glimpse of something reflective in the guys hand. A knife.

He could now see the way Gordon was gripping his upper arm with a grimace. There must've been a struggle. He clenched his fists at their helplessness here.

The unexpected bang of the gun going off made him flinch as splinters of wood hit off his legs. The man had just shot into the deck at his feet.

"Across. Now." He screamed and Virgil didn't need to be told again.

He wobbled his way across on the unstable plank. Once he was within reach the man, who had clearly shed his clueless drunk persona, roughly yanked him the rest of the way. He lost his footing on the deck and fell forward.

The guy behind him took that opportunity to push him onto his stomach, pressing a knee into the centre of his back and pulling his hands behind him. He felt zip ties being tightly fastened over his wrists as he twisted his head to the side, noticing the guy with the gun throwing a rope ladder over the side of the boat.

"And you." He shouted over the side of the boat. To Gordon presumably. "No funny business or your brother here's gonna get a hole in em."

He pointed the gun towards Virgil to emphasise his point. The fact that this man knew they were brothers was not a good sign. He was starting to think something bigger than they'd thought was going on here.

Virgil gritted his teeth as the man holding him down shoved his head into the deck before getting off him and moving to the ladder.

He slowly moved to a sitting position, grimacing as the ties cut into his wrists. He was up just in time to see Gordon heave himself over the edge of the deck with a grim look on his face.

His brother had barely gotten his feet under him before he was roughly tackled to the ground in the same way Virgil had been.

"Hey!" Virgil grunted out of reflex at seeing his brother crash onto the deck but he was promptly ignored.

Gordon turned his head to him as his wrists were tied the same as Virgil's and gave him a grimace that said I'm okay but this is not a good situation.

Virgil gave a barely noticeable nod back to confirm he was okay too. Gordon lay dripping water onto the deck and Virgil noticed the cut on his arm he'd suspected earlier.

The red mixed in with the water and seeped onto the deck below him. Virgil hoped it wasn't deep, the water probably made it look like it was bleeding more than it was.

Once the ties were secure, Gordon was yanked up by his shirt collar and pushed down again next to Virgil, leaning against the side of the boat.

The three men regrouped across the deck and began whispering loudly to each other.

"Scott is going to kill us." Gordon mumbled as he shifted into a more comfortable position.

Virgil couldn't help but chuckle at his brothers attempt to lighten the mood.

"I think that's the least of our worries right now. You okay?" He asked, eyeing the cut on his arm.

"Yeah s'just a scratch."

That did not appease his worry in any way. Gordon wasn't one to admit to being in pain. But he let it slide for now.

They needed to work out why these men were here and what they were after. He internally sighed at the trouble they'd managed to get themselves in.

What a way to spend his birthday.

[Next]

[dreamsofnude]

An Ode to a Past Love

This is the hardest thing I will ever write.

It started a little more than six years ago. I met you at a concert in Philadelphia. I didn’t think much of you then. You followed me around all day with those big blue eyes and I thought nothing of it. You annoyed me actually.

You were persistent, and I liked that about you. You annoyed me, but you had so many traits that I admired. You were easy to talk to. You were kind. You knew how to make me laugh. We shared similar interests and values. But of course, you were just a friend.

Your entire existence conflicted with what I wanted in life; with who I wanted in life. You were wild and had experienced so much in just 18 years. You didn’t want to settle. I was 19 and in my first year of college, and didn’t know what my future held. I had a very clear idea in my head of the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. You weren’t it.

You were always persistent. Despite how busy I was working and going to class, day after day we would text, talk on the phone, Facetime, send each other Tweets, and so on. There was never a time where we weren’t connected. I loved to hate that about us.

I turned 20 and decided I wanted an adventure. You were in bootcamp in North Chicago and I suggested that I would come visit. I had never traveled on my own. You agreed, and we made arrangements. Little did I know, that this would be the trip that ruined me forever.

I got on the plane, full of excitement and butterflies. I didn’t know why I was feeling them. I was just going to visit a friend; nothing major. We were going to meet downtown at Ogilvie Station. I got lost trying to find it. When I first saw you exit the train platform doors, we ran up toward one another and embraced each other with a force and closeness I had never felt — and that is when my life changed.

I didn’t know what was in store for us. I didn’t know that our first kiss was going to be on the top of the ferris wheel at Navy Pier that night. I didn’t know that we would spend the evening tangled in that hotel room bed. I didn’t know what was happening, and honestly, I didn’t care. I was happy. For once in my life, I felt happy.

I went back to Pennsylvania, and you went back to bootcamp. You got assigned to be in San Diego a month later. The distance between us just got larger, but I didn’t care. I wanted it to work.

You came back to Pennsylvania before they sent you to San Diego, and I promised I would drive 3 hours to see you. I will never forget that day. Unfortunately, it would be the last time I saw you for a few years.

We continuously found ourselves in a rigorous cat-and-mouse game for the years to follow. I would date someone; you would talk to me. You would date someone; I would talk to you. When it failed on both ends, we talked to one another. I didn’t mind it though, because we always found our way back to each other again.

I was in my last year of college. You called me one December night, drunk out of your mind. You confessed your love for me. You said “I want you from the beginning to the very end.” Though it didn’t make sense, I knew what you meant, and the cycle started all over again.

We decided to plan a visit after 3 years of not seeing each other. I flew to San Diego to spend 10 days with you in your apartment on the naval base. It was the new start with you I had craved for years.

We got a little drunk one night and got carried away. I found out two months later that I was pregnant. We agreed on an abortion. I want to say more about this but it’s hard for me to put it all into words. It still haunts me to this day.

I asked you if I could move to San Diego to be with you after I graduated college. I wanted us to finally be in the same place at the same time. You told me no. Later I found out it’s because you had a local girlfriend that you didn’t want me to know about.

At 23, I decided to move to Chicago after graduation and have a new start. I wanted to be with you but you still had a few years left in the Navy, and you didn’t want me to be in San Diego. I figured, Chicago was where we got our start, why not go there and make it our forever?

You told me you were afraid of me. You said you were afraid of how much I loved you, and how much you loved me. You said you were afraid of how intense and serious our connection was. You confessed to the secret local girlfriend that I had my suspicions about, but said you didn’t want to be with anyone else ever again. We finally made it official and started dating. I shouldn’t have forgiven you then, but I did. I should have hated you then, but I didn’t.

Things were rough because of the distance, but one thing was certain: the love we had for each other was on fire. We were wildly passionate about one another. We made several trips back and forth to see each other, but each time left us with wanting more. I have come to learn from this situation that sometimes just loving someone so much is not enough.

I always had my suspicions about your girl best friend. I knew in my gut she liked you, and that she always had. You denied these statements every time I made them.

You asked me in April if she could move in with you and your other roommate because there was an opening and her lease was up. I was not keen on the idea. I believe I said no several times because of how uncomfortable it made me feel. Truth be told, I didn’t trust her. I knew she would try something. Eventually I gave in, and said she could, but that there would be some ground rules in terms of what questions I could ask in order to ease my mind and reassure me with her being around. As I’m sure you recall, there wasn’t much reason for me to trust you either.

We broke up in May — two weeks after I resigned my lease for the apartment you were supposed to live in with me. I was now stuck by myself in a city that I hated. I hated the lifestyle. I hated the people. I hated the apartment that I once loved. I hated everything, but somehow I didn’t hate you.

We kept in touch, constantly actually. You still called and texted me every day. We still told each other about our days. We were both unprepared for what was to come.

My mental health started to decline rapidly. My therapist wanted to admit me to in-patient therapy, but I didn’t have the money. You sent it to me so that I could get the help I needed.

Time went on. I got a little better. I was released from the in-patient facility, and quickly started acting out. I was doing drugs and partying a lot, and you stuck to your reserved roots. We still talked every day. You were concerned, but just wanted me to have fun and feel free. I took advantage of that. I’m 25 years old and still sulking over my ex-boyfriend, so what better way to cope with the loss than with partying and drugs?

You came back to Pennsylvania for the holidays, and I promised I would drive 3 hours to see you, just like I had done years before. I will never forget that day. It was the first time I had seen you in person since we broke up.

We spent the day together in Harrisburg; we went to the bookstore and the coffee shop, walked around the city, and sat on the swings at the park. I asked you about a photo of you and your roommate that looked very couple-like that was on Instagram, and I said, “You know how this looks, right?” You denied and said that it was just because your other roommate didn’t want to be in the photo.

As the sun started to set and I knew I needed to make my journey back home, I felt so strongly in my gut that I didn’t want to leave you. I would rather die than be apart from you again.

I dropped you off at your cousin’s house. We didn’t even hug goodbye. We were both hesitant to leave but knew it’s what we had to do. I started to drive away, and not even 30 seconds down the street I started hysterically crying. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see. I called a friend to calm me down and he said “You need to tell him, Lydia!” — so I did.

I texted you and told you I was crying. I said how I regretted not hugging you goodbye. You replied almost instantly and said “I regret not kissing you, so there’s that.” I abruptly turned the car around and headed back toward you.

I picked you back up and you kissed me immediately. I hate to say it but my soul left my body with that kiss. I had craved it for so long. I had craved you for so long. We couldn’t stop so we drove to a clearing in the woods. You know the rest. You played Heavenly by Cigarettes After Sex as I drove you back to your cousin’s house.

I started on my 3 hour drive home that night, intoxicated from your kiss and the connection that we built once again. I didn’t know that would be the last time I saw you.

Time went on, and things were good. You said how you wished you could come home to me. We talked about visiting each other again, but you were unsure of the timing because you were trying to start a new job. We were desperate to make it work; well, at least I was.

You started to grow distant. I asked you about it several times. I asked you if there was someone else. You told me you just were afraid of hurting me again. You said there was no one else.

Valentine’s Day rolled around, which is a particularly hard time for me because that is the anniversary of the abortion I had for what would have been our child. The day was already off to a rough start. I had a disgusting gut feeling that something was going to happen that day, but I tried to brush it off.

I happened to look at your roommate’s Instagram story and saw a post of beautiful flowers on the table in your home, captioned “Thank you my love,” with you tagged on the image. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. My worst nightmare had come true.

I asked you about it, you initially denied and said how the two of you talked about needing more plants in the house so you thought buying her those flowers would be a nice gesture. On Valentine’s Day? You always thought I was a fool. I knew you were lying. Sparing the details, you eventually confessed to having been with her for quite some time.

I know that my actions were toxic as a response to trauma, and for that there is no excuse. However, my intentions were never evil or to hurt you. I was lost. I was hurting. I was dealing with the greatest loss I had ever experienced. I was fighting for my life, and my mental illnesses were winning.

I said I wanted to come to San Diego. In the heat of the moment, I did not express the intentions of that statement clearly. I really just wanted to come to talk to you in person and explain everything that I had done, face-to-face, so we could fix it. But, it was interpreted as a threat. Now, I sit here with a 3-year restraining order.

I left out so many details from our story as I find them to be sacred — for you and me only. I have done a lot of terrible things to you, as you have done a lot of terrible things to me. We can’t take back what has already happened. I just wish you wouldn’t have given up.

Time has gone on and I’ve grown so much as a person. I have learned to deal with my mental illnesses more proactively. I’m finally doing things that make me happy. I’m leaving this city I hate to move somewhere I actually want to be. I am living for me now, not for you. I hope you’ve changed for the better, too.

There are so many things that I would go back and relive if I could, as well as go back and change. Surprisingly, I wouldn’t turn you back into a stranger. But, I didn’t know that was our inevitable outcome.

The last time we spoke was March 14th. Don’t worry, I’m not counting or anything.

This is the hardest thing I will ever write. I hope you read it.

[voidcat]

– Gekka Bijin

Gekka Bijin, also known as the Beauty Under the Moon or the Queen of the Night, is a species of cactus and one of the most cultivated species in the genus. It blooms rarely and only at night.

Oikawa finds himself at a party he couldn't care less for, searching for someone he cares about a little too much.

word count: 1.8k

a/n: this is mainly inspired by the song Bodys, I suggest listening to it as you read. | ao3

The new song that takes over the place makes the party seem like something out of a mediocre America coming-of -age movie. Oikawa looks around, what was he even doing here?

The beat starts to change and what he assumes to be the main melody begins to take over the room. The chances of finding the one person he was looking for were low, very low. And he is sure he had spent all his luck in life already. Agreeing to attend chibi-chan’s party wasn’t the brightest idea he has had but he had to start somewhere, preferably night time; so the darkness and the dim lights surrounding him could hide his face in case his mask happens to slip. That’s not what I meant to say at all. I mean- I’m sick of meaning, I just want to hold you.

You and me both; he cannot help but think, sparing a glance at the unfamiliar faces and the clashing bodies around him. The whole place stinks of sweat, alcohol and a pinch of tobacco. He scrunch his nose at that. Is the chorus yet? No, it’s just the building of the verse…

“What type of idiot even comes up with such lame lyrics anyway? I don’t even want to think who listens to them...” he’s complaining to himself, again.

“Well I’d bet my money on that girl by the stereo who seems to be having too much fun.” Oikawa didn’t even realize he was complaining out loud until he heard the familiar voice reply to him. He looks up to the direction of the said girl. “Is she... holding an empty bottle of vodka as a mic?” He tilts his head as he tries to make sense of the scene before him, trying his best to ignore the owner of the voice deliberately.

“Holding onto the bottle, would be a more proper expression I think.” This time he looks back at the voice.

His time in California has done wonders on him, that’s for sure. His, now tanner, skin compliments his deep olive green eyes as always, his hair slightly ruffled and he can spot a little bit of a blush on his face. Could be from the alcohol, he assumes, if Iwai was drinking.

Everything around him is in a blur, his eyes do not see anything that’s not him.

“Long time no see Iwa-chan!” he says at last, one of his signature smiles decorating his face. “What brings you to chibi-chan’s party?” Iwa frowns at that, must’ve realized the smile is fake. “Dragged in by Mattsun and Makki the moment I said I was going to spend the night by myself.” Mattsun and Makki. It has been a while he last talked to them properly, and he hasn’t been messaging with Iwaizumi like he once did either, so that must say something. The distance between them put its toll on their life-long friendship. Reading, more like trying, his messages of “shittykawa” in his voice can never compare to hearing the awful nickname, even if it’s followed by a hit.

Interrupted from his train of thoughts, he watches Iwa’s gaze go down. “Nice tshirt.” Right, he forgot he was wearing that tonight. The writing ‘zacco platypus’ on his chest feels heavier than ever.

Another trademark smile. “What can I say, Iwa-chan. I missed ya!” He says in his typical singsong tone. The unsettling silence takes over as they stare at one another, both seem to be deep in thought.

The truth is Iwaizumi wasn’t the one avoiding Oikawa, at least not as obviously. Ever since high school ended and their lives got separated by an ocean, Oikawa was left with too much time to overthink the smallest things.

He realizes he hasn’t said anything nor made a gesture to show he heard Iwa yet. “So you’re here by yourself? No one new in your life?” He isn’t sure if he wants to hear his friend’s reply to the latter.

“Tried once or twice, didn’t stick long. I won’t ask you back the same question though, you’ve spammed me with all the gruesome details just as they happened.”

That wasn’t exactly true. Sure, talking excitedly about a date gone nice or the little things that attracted him further to his dates were something he let his friend know.

But he never told him how he tried dating men; how he was always searching for calloused hands, sharp green eyes, messy spiky hair; how he wished he could hear the mean nicknames instead of cute names of endearment or the silly pet names. How often he thought about what the two of them could have been, how he never acted towards this dream, the fear of ruining their friendship nagging his brain.

The drunk girl starts to sing along loudly: “Well, so what? We're young!” something he can’t put a finger on changes in her tone. “We’re thin, most of us.

We're alive-“ A pause. “Most of us.” She ends it in a rather sad tone.

“Well, they seem to be having fun.” Iwai spares a glance at the dancing figures around them, attempting to keep the conversation alive. “I’d be having fun too, if I consumed booze recklessly and lost myself completely I guess.” Oikawa says with a roll of eyes.

Then his body sets into motion before he can comprehend what his hands are doing. He puts his hands on Iwa’s shoulders, truly a sight out of a cheesy teen romcom. He wants to scoff at his cliché-ness.

 He can see the shock painted on Iwaizumi’s face.

“Those are you got some nice shoulders  I'd like to put my hands around them  I'd like to put my hands around them”

“Oi baka-kawa, what are you doing?”

“Following the instructions, and trying to have fun, assumed acting a bit more like them could help achieve that.” He points at the people around them with his head. They start to swing in an awkward manner, not exactly matching the song’s pace or rhythm. Iwa’s hands find his waist.

“So what’s with the sudden change of your messages lately?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Iwa-chan-“ Oikawa tries to brush it off, breaking eye contact but it seems Iwa won’t let go of this any time soon.

“You know damn well what I’m talking about, I’m not in the mood for your games or blatant acting so you better explain to me what’s been bothering you.” His demeanor is stern but he can hear the concern in his voice.

He wants to turn his gaze away, avoid the piercing looks Iwa is sending his way, but if he’s really going to do it tonight, there’s a chance this may be the last time he will get to see his face like this, up-close.

Meeting Iwa’s stare wasn’t the sanest thing to do for Oikawa because he cannot find it in himself to blink. He wishes for time to stop and to stay in this exact moment forever. With his hands on his shoulders, Iwa’s hands on his waist, gazing into each other’s eyes and getting lost in them; everything besides them is a mixture of noise and colors. No longer resisting the demanding look in Iwa’s eyes, Oikawa opens his mouth at last:

“I was afraid I’d say something wrong, ruin something between us or cause a mess I couldn’t fix because there’d be this entire ocean between the two of us.”

He stops to take a deep breathe. “I guess I was afraid I’d do something stupid… (like this)” The last bit remains unsaid but it’s heavy in the air and they both know it. He speaks in a whisper and leans in for a kiss.

All he can feel is how warm and soft being this close to Iwaizumi feels. It feels different than any other kiss he has ever had and he knows nothing will be the same after it. He’s too focused on his worrying, he doesn’t even realize whether Iwa responds back to his kiss or not. And so he pulls back to examine his face and get a good look at him in this shitty lightning one last time.

“Oi, if the idea of the two of us is stupid to you, maybe you shouldn’t have gone in for a kiss.”

At that moment Oikawa is at a loss of words. He stands with his jaw hanging open, trying to process his words. He was expecting a shove, maybe an angry yell, a hit in the head or Iwaizumi to leave immediately without sparing him a glance. But this?.. This was not on that list, not even an option at all.

Having read him through his various moods all his life, Iwa seems to know what is exactly going in Oikawa’s head. So he pulls the idiot back to him, his right hand on his jaw, for a second kiss.

No fireworks, no explosions; all those writers and painters must have been wrong all this time.

Because the kiss he shares with the person he loves more than anything else in this world feels like something he long searched for and finally found. And in a sense, it is exactly that.

Kissing Iwa in that very moment comes natural to him just like breathing, eating, doing a jump serve or setting for him. It feels like coming home to rest after a long day, to eat milk bread after craving it for so long, to watch the sun set after a well spent day.

Kissing Iwaizumi Hajime feels like home.

He is sure somewhere far away a queen of the night blooms just as they kiss.

They pull away slowly. Every action they take together, they’ve grown accustomed to it, in perfect sync and tonight is no exception. They can see each other smiling faintly. One of his genuine ones, Iwaizumi knows. Oikawa rests his forehead on Iwa’s and they stand like that for a little longer.

I got so fucking romantic, I apologize.

A new song starts to play through the speakers.

“Seriously, what’s up with those lyrics?” Oikawa starts shaking his head, still smiling.

His whiny statement goes ignored by Iwaizumi: “What do you say, we go out and… catch up?” 

He’s met with intense and light brown eyes suddenly directing their attention back to him, there must be supernovas hidden inside them, he cannot help but think, a lump forming in his throat.

“And we can… put a name on what we are, if you’d like that, I mean-“ He is cut off by a quick peck on the lips and next thing he knows, he’s being dragged away from the party by the only person he has always loved and cared for with his whole heart.

As the obnoxious music they left behind fades into the background, Oikawa makes a mental note to send that girl a bottle of her favorite drink; marching towards nowhere in particular, hand in hand with the one he loves.

[bohrapbois]

A short fic of the cast all reuniting after quarantine? Lots of hugs and fluff included please!

I’m so sorry that this took so long! Suddenly had loads of things on my plate and then this slipped my mind... I’m sorry! But here it is, and it was hella fun to write!

Words - 2,000+ (This will also be posted to AO3 cause god damn we need more fluff right now)

Relatsionships - None! Just pure friendship fluff!

“Holy shit Ben,” Gwil eagerly grabbed the shorter man, pulling him close and burying his face in the mess of uncut curls. “God, it feels good to actually get to see you again, actually being able to hug you again!” He felt Ben nodding against his chest, and maybe they looked a bit insane standing on the pavement hugging a little touch starved, but it had been so hard not being able to do this. They’d both gone slightly insane stuck inside, but knew it was for everyone’s safety. 

Lockdown had eased as the cases dropped, and maybe three o’clock in the morning wasn’t the best time for Ben to text his fellow London residing friend, but the following morning at a reasonable time, they’d sped walked towards each other at a meeting place and just hugged.

“I know mate,” Ben chuckled, squeezing his arms around Gwil’s waist a few times before pulling back. They both keep an arm around each other, friends not caring what others think about them and start walking. They weren’t far from Gwil’s house, and as many places were still closed, they’d just have to make do with kettle instant coffee and some pastries from Tesco. “I think I would’ve gone insane if I kept staring at the walls any longer”. He shoved his sunglasses slightly higher up his nose, the sun unreasonably bright for this time of year. 

Gwil laughed and nodded, pulling Ben closer to his side and giving him a gentle shake, “you really hate not doing anything, don’t you Benny?”

They kept the conversation light for the morning walk until finally, they got back to Gwils, kicking off their shoes by the front door and wandering into the kitchen. In the couple of years of knowing each other, these two had been over to each other’s places many times, sometimes unannounced, so it was nice being in a familiar place for Ben as he jumped up to sit on the edge of the table, legs dangling over the side as Gwil went around and made their drinks.

Although they’d talked most days, video called with the others and the group had basically been a vital support for each other, it was still better getting to see each other in person. Voices were clearer, didn’t have to worry about the internet connection or going out of shot, and somehow, conversations were easier.

They sent off a picture of them together to Joe as they moved into the living room, Gwil’s partner happy to let them bond as she went to work in the little office. Now with a couple of bottles of cheap wine and a Pot Noodle each, they relaxed on either side of the sofa and flipped on the TV. Although lockdown had been eased a bit, didn’t mean the world was A-Okay again, so day drinking and junk food eating was still acceptable. 

Finding a terrible film, Ben threw the remote between them and tucked his feet under Gwil’s thighs, pulling out his phone to send a few more texts to Joe. 

The hardest part of being back with one friend is realising you can’t meet up with the others straight away. 

Taking a long sip of wine straight from the bottle, Ben kept the conversation airy, didn’t want to make Social-Butterfly-Mazzello upset he was still stuck inside with his mother. Catching up with the redhead, Ben read off the texts to Gwil, letting Joe know what the other mans opinions were at the same time as enquiring more information himself until eventually, they were on a second film and maybe a bit too tipsy. 

“I miss the guys,” Ben sighs, head leaning back on the arm of the chair as his legs tangled with Gwils on the sofa, “not that I don’t love you too, mate,” the blond chuckles, wine spilling slightly onto his chin as he took another swig of the basically empty bottle in his hand.

“ ‘ know what you mean,” Gwil had long since finished his bottle, eyeing up the last one they swore they wouldn’t touch, much like the one Ben is emptying now. “Somehow seeing you here makes it harder?” Fuck it. He’s going to get drunk with his best friend on a Wednesday at 5pm. He grabbed the bottle, loosening the cap and flicking it off somewhere across the room. He reached for the glasses his darling had brought through awhile back, and with unsteady hands, filled both glasses without spilling too much.

“Yeah, exactly,” empty bottle now placed on the floor, Ben sat up, shoulder propped up against the back of the sofa. He didn’t grab his glass straight away, needing a moment to think. “We getta see each other but not them? And Joe is being extra careful cause of his mum, it just… are we selfish for meeting up?” He glances over at Gwil, who was just about to take another drink but stopped, frowning slightly and lowering the glass from his lips.

“What? No!” He shook his head a little too long, “Joe knows about England, he’d be more surprised if we didn’t … get drunk like this,” he gestured towards the wine splashing around in the glass, finally bringing it up to his lips and taking a sip. Nothing like cheap corner store rose when having a philosophical talk. “Yeah it’s shit, but come on, we gotta celebrate being able to actually go outside again”. His words would probably have more impact if they were actually inside, but Ben was nodding anyway.

“M’kay, I kinda guess,” Ben rubs across the soft stubble starting to come through on his chin, “gonna make it better when we can actually see them all, ya know? I can’t wait to actually meet baby Leech,” reaching over and grabbing his glass, Ben does a small cheers gesture. They hadn’t been able to meet the new addition yet, and although they’d all been dubbed Uncles and Auntys, they hadn’t gotten to cuddle and bicker on who’d be best. Allen had been keeping them all updated on his pride and joy, and Ben had already printed off a photo to add to his wall. 

-----------------

It was a few months later when they were all able to meet up again. Summer was coming to an end, evenings becoming shorter and colder, but that didn’t mean Joe’s hands weren’t sweaty to the touch. Lockdowns around the world had been eased, then brought back in place, and it had been an entire shit show really. He was glad he’d had his mom with him, he didn’t look over the precious time they spent together, but when a Gwil had sent over some flights in the group chat a few weeks ago, asking if the lot stuck in America wanted to come to Britain, he’d actually cried.

Arranging to stay at Bens for an undiscussed amount of time (“Joe, you can stay however fucking long you want, ‘kay? Always got a spare bed for you, buddy”), Joe had checked with his mother if she’d be alright, and she shooed off any of his fears, saying it’d be nice to get to see her grandbabies and other offspring, she’d hardly be alone. So, he packed up his stuff and set off. 

Rami and Lucy were coming too, and Joe was practically shaking in anticipation. When he spotted them, and they spotted him, they rushed to each other and had a massive hug, full of giggles and tears. 

“Oh my god have I missed you guys,” Joe kissed Lucy’s forehead and Rami’s cheek before giving each one an individual hug and rib repositioning. It was great that they could touch and hug each other again, and Joe thought that he’d never stop doing it if he can.

“Seeing someone other than Lucy is a miracle,” Rami joked, arm wrapped over Joes shoulder and pulling him up against his chest again. He loved his girl so much, loved the future they were building together, but months trapped in a flat was hard for anyone. It made them stronger in some respects, but they’d had more arguments then than the rest of their relationship. He got a teasing punch on the arm from his girlfriend, who wiggled her way under his other arm and here they were again, the group hug they’d all been daydreaming about for weeks.

There was still precautions taken in the airport, with spacing and temperature checks done at the gates, minimal contact with crew and workers, and god damned hand sanitizer everywhere. It still felt odd how quiet things were. There was an air of caution in everything everyone did now, but they had to get back to normal, had to keep going, so here they were.

The plane journey was as long as ever, but somehow felt longer. Lucy and Rami were moving to their London residence for a bit, had her family to see and get a break from the craziness from America, so they were telling Joe about all the renovations they were going to do when there.

“Rami wants to do the garden, but I’m not sure, you know?” Lucy, sat in the middle chair, explaining the plans her boyfriend had been rambling to her for the last month or so, “a great actor, maybe not the best gardener”. Joe nodded along and laughed as the couple started a light hearted bickering, and maybe he teared up a bit again because he was actually able to see them again, and he wished the plane could land faster.

---------------

In London, Gwilym and Ben were in a similar situation. Setting up the blonds flat for the little get together, they kept fussing over the smallest of details although they knew that no one would really mind if the pillow on the sofa was on the left side or the right, but it kept their minds off of things.

Disappointingly, the Leech family wouldn’t be joining them tonight. They didn’t want to risk the baby getting sick, but had agreed to come at a later date and meet them in smaller groups. It would have to do, but it didn’t mean the conversation wasn’t a bit disheartening. 

They tried to ignore the time as they cooked the party foods and reorganised the alcohol in the fridge for the third time, but when Bens phone pinged on the kitchen counter, they both scrambled to look at it.

“They’re on their way!” Gwil announced, grinning over the screen as another text came in, this time a photo. Ben unlocked the device, and they beamed down at a photo of the three people they can’t wait to meet up with again.

But now it’s the whole ‘how long do we have to wat?’ game, and suddenly Ben was convinced his shirt wasn’t right and had to change about five times before walking back out of his room with a slightly lighter coloured shirt. 

It was as he was running a hand through his still long hair and trying to tame it when his doorbell rang. Gwil leapt over the back of the sofa and skidded to the door as if it was his life mission to get to it at a surprisingly quick rate. He flung open the door and saw the tired trio light up in excitement just as Ben shoved his way into the doorway under the Welshmans arm. 

There was a moment where no one moved before chaos ensured. Ben and Joe instantly wrapped each other in the biggest hug they’d ever done, the blond tucking his nose against Joe’s neck and letting a few relieved tears pass his eyelashes as he squeezed the air out of his American. 

Gwil was tall enough that he could wrap both Rami and Lucy in a hug, laughing up at the sky as the joy of the whole thing finally sunk in. The couple didn’t mind, instead competing on who could actually get closer to their tallest friend.

After a few minutes, it was time to rotate the hugs. Ben loved being squished between Lucy and Rami, both smothering his cheeks in kisses and getting the emotional man to laugh in glee. Maybe some tickling was involved, but it had been long overdue anyway, and it made them all laugh as they watched one blond chase the other blonde down the pavement with happy threats of tickling her to death. 

Joe and Gwil rocked back and forth as they hugged, Gwils hand on the back of Joes head and holding him close to his chest as Joe rubbed across his spine to remind them both that yeah, they were here, were hugging, and had gotten through a global pandemic without going mad. 

It was only when a shrill alarm started screaming from inside the flat that the reunion was broken. They all jumped and startled, looking through the open door and seeing a thing layer of smoke. “Oh shit my pizzas!” Ben yelped, jumping past everyone and rushing into the flat.

Ah, yep, nothing had actually changed.

[imnotdoneyet-forreal]

Deals with the Devil- 7

Author: Amanda Preston

Summary: A need to fill a void and an encounter to start something new, Elijah and Katya never knew that a simple one night stand would wind up into a love affair filled with family drama and side deals gone wrong. 

A/N: An almost weekly update? Whaaaaattt? So yeah, I manage to get some time to write this. Don’t know when I’ll have the next part out but hopefully, it’ll be soon. Thanks for reading!

Deals with the Devil Masterlist

        Katya and Elijah walked out of the donut shop and settled on the nearby open table. Katya was excited to open the donut box while Elijah settled their coffees down. He looked amused as she opened the box to reveal the two heavily decorated donuts she had ordered for them. 

        “I thought you were taking me out to lunch,” Elijah states. 

        “Well, something to know about me, Mr. Mikaelson, is that when I forego breakfast for an early meeting, I tend to eat a very breakfast-like lunch.” 

        “Elijah,” he corrects causing Katya to look up at him in question. “We’re not in a professional setting so you may call me Elijah.” 

        Katya nods at this, “Right… Elijah.” 

        He smiles as he hears his name from her lips for the first time since he’s known her. Katya ignored the amusement he held and slid the box towards him. 

        “Now take one,” she orders from him. “I can’t believe you’ve never had a voodoo doll donut. I get that it’s mainly for tourists but you’re a New Orlean’s native. You should have done this a long time ago.” 

        Elijah chuckles at this and picks one out. He looks at it with a questioning look which causes Katya to nudge him on. 

        “Try it,” Katya tells him. “ If you don’t like it, then I’ll take you out for a real lunch.” 

        With the encouragement, Elijah picks the donut up and takes his first bite. Katya was quick to have the napkin ready when the raspberry jelly started to spill out. She giggled at the look of shock from Elijah and handed him the spare napkins she grabbed. 

        “So…” Katya trails off as he finally swallows. “Did you like it?” 

        “It’s… good,” he answers as a smile formed on his lips. “I haven’t had anything like it.”

        Elijah sets down his donut and wipes his hands clean. 

        “So why bring me here?” 

        “Hm?” Katya hums as she picked up her own donut. She took out the pretzel “pin” that stuck out from her donut and ate it. 

        “This place is like you said: Touristy,” Elijah states. “So why even come here?” 

        “When I left N’Orleans for college, I missed everything about it,” Katya finds herself explaining to him. “The people, the music, the food… First thing I did when I moved back was eat, drink, and party.”

        That earns her a laugh from Elijah and Katya felt a flutter in her stomach at the sound of it.

        “And the donut shop…?” 

        “The donut shop was one of my many stops in my journey of reassimilation,” Katya answers with a bit of pride. She picks up her iced coffee and leaned back in her chair. “So you’ve heard a little bit about me, I want to know about you.”  

        Elijah glances over the street at the statement and lets out a sigh. 

        “My life is not as entertaining as yours.” 

        “I sincerely doubt that,” Katya states. “I know there’s more to you than meets the eye.”

        Elijah’s focus turns back to her with a small smile gracing his lips. He couldn’t help but let the thought of their previous engagement into his mind but he quickly disposes of it. 

        “What would you like to know?” 

        Katya hums in response wondering what to ask of him. There were a thousand things she wanted to know about him. Aspects of him revealed by Marcel and others that Elijah himself shielded from her. In the end, she settled for something simple. 

        “Tell me about your favorite place in the city.” 

        Katya could already tell that his response was about to be a stereotypical one so she quickly adds one more detail. 

        “And it can’t be your apartment or your office,” Katya states. “I want you to choose a place that makes you happy and at ease.” 

        “Then that makes things more complicated,” Elijah chuckles out. 

        “Come on,” Katya nudges him on. “I’m sure there’s a place somewhere out there that has a good memory tied to it. Something that you keep coming back to.” 

        Katya notices a pensive gaze settle on his face as he thought it through. It didn’t take long for his face to soften as he came to an answer. 

        “If I have to be honest,” Elijah answers. “It has to be Rousseau’s.” 

        “Why?” Katya asked curiously. 

        The bar Rousseau’s was a hole in the wall and not one of the cool ones. It was a last-ditch effort for getting drunk. The smile that grew on Elijah’s lips was one filled with a warmth which proved to Katya that his response would be good.

        “The food and alcohol are subpar,” Elijah comments earning a laugh from Katya. “But at the moment I had been at my lowest a kind and charming woman saw past that and bought me a drink. She showed me kindness and didn’t expect something back.” 

        The smile that Katya had started off with quickly began to fade away. 

        “Elijah…” she sighs out. 

        “I know,” Elijah responds almost solemnly. “Boundaries.” 

        Katya swallowed nervously as she forced herself to meet his gaze. 

        “I should uh… I should probably get going,” Katya states as she starts to clean up the table. She knew if she spent any more time with him there was a slight possibility she would break the rules they had set that morning. 

        “Katya,” Elijah calls out to her. 

        “Yes, Elijah?” she asks as she turns back to him. 

        He remained seated at the table as relaxed as ever. The smile was still set on his lips as if he knew something she didn’t. And maybe he did but Katya was too distracted with what he said next. 

        “I want to thank you for that night,” Elijah explains to her. “The drinks and the conversation not the… well, not that I don’t regret what followed but that’s not the point.” 

        Katya couldn’t help but chuckle which elicited a wider smile from him. 

        “The point is it’s been a while since I’ve allowed myself to breathe and you have managed that,” Elijah continues. “You, Katya Fontaine, are certainly a breath of fresh air.” 

        Her heart stuttered at the way his brown eyes burned a mark deep within her. 

        “Elijah…” she sighs out. 

        “I know we set our rules to ensure our relationship remains professional but I’ll like to remain friends with you. Would that be ok?” 

        “Uh, yeah,” Katya can’t help but stutter out. Elijah’s statement had given her whiplash which seems to end in the way she hoped it would. Except disappointment felt heavy in her stomach and she didn’t understand why. “Of course we can be friends.“

        “Good. I look forward to working with you, Katya,” he states. “Have a nice rest of your day.” 

        Katya only made it a few steps before she felt herself being drawn back to him. She turned on her heel and faced him with a smile. 

        “I have a feeling if I leave you’re going to head back to work,” Katya states. “And we can’t have none of that so let’s go.” 

        Elijah looked at her in surprise. Whether that was because she called him out and was right or because she was back. Maybe it was both but Katya would never know. 

        “Where are we going?” he asks as he threw away the donut box and empty coffee cup before making his way to her. 

        “You’ve told me about your favorite place,” Katya tells him. “It’s time for me to show you mine.”

[xingchanseok]

A Convenient Arrangement (Part 2)

Mafia!Yixing x Reader

Warning; Swearing, Violence, Drug and Alcohol abuse, Smut(???) and probably mostly unedited lol

Down on both your luck, Yixing and yourself meet in a bar late at night. Desperate and a little tipsy the two of you get to talking over a bottle of whiskey. To solve your debt problem and Yixing’s marriage problem you decide to fake a wedding and reap the rewards. Surely nothing could wrong. Right?

Word Count: 1059

Part 1 Part 2

“So, you married her in Vegas?” Y/N and Yixing were now two bottles of whiskey deep and both sufficiently hammered. If she hadn’t been so drunk Y/N would almost feel guilty for keeping the bartender there well past when she was sure he should’ve gone home.

“I was there on business and my family had been badgering me about getting married, really just going on and on about it, so I married the receptionist at my hotel” Y/N laughed. She laughed so much her stomach started to ache. Yixing laughed with her, howling every time he would hear a quiet snort between Y/N’s fits.

“Your parents must love her” The second bottle was empty and Yixing held it up to the bartender to ask for another. Begrudgingly he obliged.

“They’ve never met her. Don’t even know I got married. I think they’d kill me if they found out.”

“I thought they wanted you to get married though?” That earned a dry laugh from the flower boy next to her.

“They do. But to the right girl. Girls for now and girls for later and all that bullshit,” He waved his glass in the air the punctuate his sentence, letting some of the whiskey tip over the rim of the glass and spill out onto the bar top. The pair burst into fits of giggles. “How about you? Why are you here drowning your sorrows?”

Y/N sighed. How could she explain in a way that kept the mood light when it was so obvious it was anything but. She knocked back her full glass and poured herself another, chugging that she finally looked at him. He was curious and she couldn’t blame him. She’d done all she could to keep the conversation on him all night, never one to dish about her life she tried her best not to talk about her woes and focus on his. However, all good things must come to an end and so she started weaving her somber tale to her new friend.

“It’s a long story, incredibly mundane and boring, kind of cliche actually, so I’ll spare you the gory details” Again herentire drink was gone in one.

“I don’t think so, spill. Gory details and all, I don’t care if it’s a Tarrantino movie, I want to hear it” He was interested now. Yixing wanted to know what her story was,what brought the pretty girl to his families forgotten bar at 3am. What made her easily sink down nearly 2 whole bottles of the finest whiskey money could buy. He wanted to know and Yixing always got what he wanted.

“I had this job,” Y/N rolled her eyes and began her tale, looking straight ahead.”It was a shitty job that didn’t pay anywhere near enough but it turns out a degree in game design and development isn’t as useful as I once thought and student loans are a bigger bitch than Jenna Song who I went to high school with and trust me that’s difficult,” Yixing chuckled at her little dig which made Y/N smile. “So I stayed at my job,earning minimum wage and struggling by, my friend called me at work and we were talking and I happened to raise my concerns about my quite frankly abhorrent employment situation and my boss just so happened to be standing behind me and then my shitty job turned to no job”

“So you’re here because you got laid off?”

“More because I’m up to my eyeballs in debt, four months late on my rent, on the verge of being thrown out, now jobless AND my mom called to say she wanted me home for my brothers engagement party” Y/N had never really said it all out loud before now it all suddenly seemed 10x more serious than it had before and she wasn’t exactly sure how that was possible.

“Why is going to your brothers engagement party so bad?” “Same reason you married your hotel receptionist in Vegas” A knowing ‘ah’ escaped Yixing and for the first time since they’d began talking the pair fell into silence, letting the weight of their respective situations sink in. 

Yixing didn’t really know Y/N all that well, he’d only met her that night but he felt a great deal of sympathy towards the girl. His families high standing in the underworld of society and the public eye meant that money had never been an issue for Yixing the same way it clearly was for Y/N who was struggling to say the least. So he concocted a plan. It was risky to involve someone innocent in his family, even if it would be fake and short term but he desperately wanted to help the beautiful girl drowning her sorrows next to him.

“I think we could help one another,” Yixing placed his glass down on the bar and turned to look at Y/N, continuing his idea “I need to get married to make my family happy and you need money, so I propose we get married.” Y/N looked at him for a second before beginning to laugh.

“You’re funny, Yixing, tell me another one” Another drink down the hatch.

“I’m being serious. I need to get my family off my back about getting married and you need money, this works out perfectly for both of us. You get the cash people give as gifts and my family leaves me alone. Win win”

“One problem, you’re already married” Y/N was sure he the alcohol had gotten to him and made him go mad.

“That’s why it would be a fake wedding, we wouldn’t actually get married” Maybe the alcohol hadn’t gotten to Y/N as well because with the addition of the last statement she was genuinely considering  his offer.

“On one condition” Y/N was facing Yixing now, just as eager about the idea as he was.

“Anything.” 

“You come with me to my brothers engagement”

“Only if you come with me to family dinner next friday” Yixing offered his hand out to shake and Y/N took it.

“Deal”

And that’s how Y/N walked into a bar one night to get so drunk she wouldn’t be able to remember the bar the next morning and left with a fake fiance.

[kiruuuuu]

Blitz/Spectre oneshot in which she and Blitz get a little closer. (Rating T, fluff, ~2.5k words) - written for @ruaniamh​! Thank you again for commissioning me and I’m glad you’re happy with this piece ♥♥ You can find out all about Quinn “Spectre” Roach here! My commission info is over here :) 

.

In a – as Spectre finds – deliciously ironic twist of fate, Blitz fails to react to her approaching due to the blinding light of the afternoon sun.

She’s crouched behind the low wall marking the beginning of the bridge’s balustrade and waiting for her next victim: Mira’s heavy boots gave her away earlier and allowed the Canadian to catch her off-guard, and even Smoke’s lighter steps proved insufficient as Spectre swiftly climbed a tree when she caught a glimpse of him nearing her position. She’s keen on racking up a few more ‘kills’, her competitive spirit awakened by Bandit’s boisterous claims of ending up as the winner and nurtured by the crisp October air.

Ultimately, it’s a child’s game they’re playing, a more advanced tag – they were all given a piece of fabric and told to tuck it into their trousers’ waistbands on their backs, a little like a bright red tail now trailing after them and marking them as potential targets. If someone manages to snatch it from someone else for safekeeping, that someone is out and has to return to base and whoever has collected the most pieces at the end wins. Simple enough, though Sledge claimed it’d serve to test their senses and spatial awareness, challenge their manoeuvring skills and showcase how well they work on their own for once. Spectre, however, suspects that the mild temperature and unimpeded sunshine played a not insignificant role in this decision to allow Rainbow to roam the fields outside of the base freely.

In any case, she’s not complaining, instead she relishes the fresh air and warming rays on her skin, has always liked this mixture as it keeps her focused and cheerful whereas the sweltering summer sun often leaves her content yet tired. Proof of this are the four stripes of cloth in her pocket, courtesy of a lot of stalking around and observing carefully. Some of the others declined the opportunity to swarm out in order to find a suitable starting spot away from everyone else, and instead tackled each other head on right outside the gate like children playing football for the very first time, all clumped up and shouting. Spectre managed to grab Maestro’s fabric before he even joined the fray and was already halfway over the hill before he noticed her demonic cackling was directed at him.

Right now, she’s listening to the gurgling of the small stream next to her and to footfalls probably wishing they were quieter. A quick peek lets her catch a glance of fair hair, golden in this light, sharp cheekbones, a compact silhouette – she doesn’t need more than a fraction of a second to be sure of who it is. She’d recognise him by the sound of his laugh, the adorable cow lick on the back of his head, the unusually shaped birth mark on his wrist.

Don’t turn around, she instructs him silently and almost kicks herself for doing so. They might be impressively in tune for most of the time, but they haven’t figured out telepathy yet. Slowly, she creeps around the solid stone railing, follows him as he steps down the river bank, probably to check for anyone below the bridge. Anticipation is making her giddy, she’s looking forward to the dumb expression on his face when he’ll realise what’s happened, and so she makes a mistake, produces a noise, causes him to turn around. But the sun saves her.

In the moment of confusion, the second he blinks and squints, she shoots up and reaches around him to get a hold of her prize, yet the sudden movement makes her lose her footing and crash into the solid body; now they’re both flailing (and was that a squeak from Blitz?), an arm wraps around her waist to regain balance where she has none to give – and the next thing she knows is the horizon tilting and ice cold water enveloping both of them.

.

“Of all the things I wanted to achieve today, a bath in the river was not among them”, Blitz chides jokingly as soon as he’s emerged from the dressing room wearing his spare clothes and a grin which tells Spectre that he doesn’t mind. His hair is sticking up in all twenty cardinal directions simultaneously and she ponders whether to comment on it, eventually deciding against it. She doesn’t want to seem like she’s paying too much attention to his appearance.

“Not like you couldn’t use one”, she shoots back good-naturedly while they make their way towards a well-deserved lunch break.

“What, are you referring to the information retrieval again?”

“You call it intelligence gathering, I call it dumpster diving. Now which of these is a euphemism, hm? Didn’t you have to wade through sewage in Sevilla too?”

“I’ll have you know that both of those missions ended up successful and not everyone can be as limber as you. You probably would’ve climbed along the walls like a spider instead of stepping into that muck.”

Their playful back-and-forth is as familiar as it is comfortable, one of the constants in Spectre’s everyday life she looks forward to the most. Both of them enjoy poking fun at anything and everything, including themselves and each other – which is one of the reasons why they became fast friends. A sunny disposition in their job isn’t that common, usually it entails a much darker, morbid kind of humour. “I definitely wouldn’t have used an entire can of Lynx to get rid of the smell at least. That’s one way to keep the ladies off of you.”

As soon as the comment has left her mouth, she once again feels the impulse to kick herself. Because while Blitz laughs, it sounds oddly hollow to her ears. She shouldn’t have gone there, she knows he’s been wanting someone by his side for a while. She knows he even has someone in mind, overheard Jäger mention it to someone else. Felt strangely betrayed that Blitz would entrust him with this detail and not her, felt a stab of jealousy because who does Blitz call in the early morning after a bad dream? Whom does he send drunk texts which are as illegible as they are hilarious? Not Jäger, that’s for sure. She knows he doesn’t message anyone else, he never does so when they’re out together. She would like to see herself as his best friend but after that she’s had her doubts. If he kept this from her, what else did he keep?

Going down this path is futile and depressing, so she does her best to snap out of it but it takes a few minutes until her smile stops hurting.

A hiss is what finally distracts her mid-chew: “You are a fucking cat, young lady!”

Both she and Blitz snort at Mira’s accusation. “Did she sneak up on you too?”, he asks, amused.

“Please tell me who eliminated you so I can thank them for avenging my honour. You gave me the worst fright I’ve had in a while.”

While Spectre just grins proudly, the German opposite her replies: “More on accident, but we got each other.”

Mira lifts a brow and suddenly, it’s imperative Spectre doesn’t blush so she doesn’t give herself away. All the jokes and questioning glances whenever they playfight or feed each other unhealthy food to create the most disgusting combination are more than enough already. Still. It sounds nice: we got each other. “Is that why you’re looking like a drowned rat?”

“Watch out or you might hit someone in the face with all that charm you’re throwing around”, Spectre grins. Her mauve hair is still damp and probably hanging down sadly, so Mira might not actually be far from the truth – but she finds that she doesn’t mind, no, not at all. She can still feel Blitz’ loose embrace, hears his laughter bubbling up as they dragged themselves out of the stream, shaking the water off like a pair of dogs.

The Spaniard leaves them to their meals, still mock-grumbling, but gets replaced by Jäger immediately. “Can I interrupt you guys for a moment?”, he asks and Spectre idly wonders whether there’ll ever be anything he’d interrupt.

“I don’t know, can you?”, she replies and fights down a giggle when she realises Blitz just uttered exactly the same thing. They exchange a glance and a grin when he lightly kicks her under the table.

For a moment, she’s worried Jäger is going to hurt himself with how dramatically his eyes roll skywards. “Bunch of nerds”, he mutters. “All I wanted to know is whether you’re ready for tomorrow.”

“Of course! Tomorrow is a very special day.”

Blitz’ answer comes so fast that Spectre’s heart skips a beat. Did he – did he remember? She let it slip before, more than half a year ago, didn’t think he paid it any heed, didn’t think he’d care enough. He’s awful with remembering dates, only remembers Sledge’s birthday because it’s the same as his own, and his friends usually remind him of everyone else’s. But could he have -

“Yeah, I know how much you love Halloween.” Jäger earns a nod from Blitz and oh, that’s right. Of course that’s what he means. “You’re coming to Julien’s party too, right, Quinn?”

“Yes”, she replies curtly and contributes no more to the chatter about the Germans’ plans. She’s not hungry anymore.

.

The next afternoon, Spectre is in a rotten mood and hates herself for it. She adores Halloween, even decided to go all out this year and whip up a full-fledged zombie costume, ordered liquid latex for fake injuries, white contact lenses to max out the creepy and went so far as to buy blood capsules. Her plan was to dramatically announce her insatiable hunger for human flesh at some point during the party, and then gurgle crimson – Rook made the mistake of letting everyone know there’d be prizes for the best costumes and she’s determined to make it to the top three.

Well, was determined.

It’s silly and she knows it, yet this changes nothing. She received the usual greetings and best wishes from her family and friends, had Buck and Frost congratulate her inconspicuously, the two shoving candies and other important Canadian foodstuffs they know she misses into her pockets, and it’s how her birthday normally goes. She refuses to make a big deal of it, keeps it secret so people rather worry about enjoying Halloween than to procure impersonal gifts or, even worse, sing for her, and still -

Part of her had hoped she’d be important enough for Blitz to remember, yet she hasn’t even seen him all day. And the fact that this is what brings her down makes her feel even sillier.

No, she’s going to have a good time regardless. It’s not the end of the world. She’s going to freak everyone out by groaning and reaching out when they walk past, she’s going to unsettlingly stare at people and it’s going to be glorious. Rook hates zombies and she’ll have a whale of a time chasing him around his apartment.

Just as she’s made this decision, her doorbell rings unexpectedly.

For some reason, Blitz is holding a mug with the logo of a local wildlife resort in his hand, looking sheepish and apologetic at the same time. “There’s still time before we have to leave for the party, right?” He sounds out of breath, cheeks as red as his ears from the cold and looks adorable.

“Sure, more than an hour. I’m just starting to get ready.” Frowning, Spectre peers into the mug. “Did you bring… compressed dirt? You’re missing a few tentacles for your Davy Jones costume, I’m afraid.”

Blitz just laughs and enters the place where they’ve spent countless hours together, her kicking his ass at her favourite video games, them attempting to bake together, coming down after intense training or when they’ve just returned after a mission. He prefers visiting her, he’s said as much, thinks her flat is more inviting and homely and she secretly agrees. He toes off his shoes, hangs up his jacket and rummages in his pockets for a few more objects before herding her into the living room, taking his usual spot on the couch next to her.

Nothing gets clearer even as he sets the cup on the low coffee table and places an unassuming envelope next to it.

“What are you doing?”

The genuine confusion in her voice seems to amuse him for some reason. “You’re an idiot, Quinn. Did you think I’d forget? Happy birthday.” And with this, he conjures up a small candle and pushes it into the soft mass inside the ceramic. This is when it clicks.

“Is this – a mug cake?” She can’t believe it.

Blitz shrugs with an embarrassed smile. “I’ve destroyed your kitchen often enough that you know how bad I am at baking. This is all I could -”

A hug cuts him off and he seems happy to reciprocate it instead of talking. His strong arms pull her closer, squeeze her reassuringly and her heart sings. She can only imagine how long he must’ve agonised over what to gift her – because she also knows how bad he is at choosing presents. “Thank you”, she whispers and means so much more, but for now it should suffice. Another squeeze. She could get used to this.

And then the quiet, serene atmosphere vanishes as soon as she opens the envelope. Blitz watches her bounce and flail and cheer for a solid minute before he points out: “There are two tickets. I figured you might not want to go alone.”

“Two tickets to fucking Gamescom?”, Spectre squeaks ecstatically.

“And the flights, and a hotel room.” He seems extremely pleased with how excitedly his gift is being accepted – and this is the best thing Spectre could’ve hoped for, it’s the largest video game convention in the entire world. She’ll get to try out upcoming titles herself, collect all the swag, stroll around among like-minded people and this is amazing. “You can take whoever you like.”

In her exhilaration she misses his tone of voice but doesn’t miss his surprised expression when she punches him in the arm. “You hoser, of course you’re coming with me.”

“Really? I – I mean, I can probably be useful since it’s in Germany, so -”

“I wouldn’t want anyone else to go with me even if it was in France, or Canada, or wherever.”

And now she notices his blush still hasn’t disappeared despite his breathing long having calmed down. …maybe the cold wasn’t really its cause. Maybe, just maybe -

“I’d love to go with you”, he says and oh, he’s not really that interested in gaming normally, and he said a hotel room, and maybe, just maybe, he told Jäger instead of her because…

It clicks. And suddenly, she knows with vicious clarity that this is going to be the best birthday of her life. “Elias”, she murmurs and waits until he finally gathers the courage to meet her fond, helpless, hopeful gaze, “do you like me?”

And the bright red colouring Blitz’ face only deepens.

Seems like she won’t be using the blood capsules today after all, not when she’s pretty sure her mouth will be occupied otherwise for the majority of the party.

And only mere minutes later, she starts considering ditching her zombie costume entirely because there’s no doubt they’re going to be late anyway. Now they really, finally, eventually got each other.

[godsofmonster]

Florida Kilos ≽ VI.

Reader x Bangtan- Drug Cartel

Word Count- 8,200

Warnings- drugs, guns, blood, prostitution, violence, abuse, sexual content, betrayal, character deaths, ect.

≽ Links to previous chapters can be found on my masterlist in my bio because Tumblr sucks now! You can also click on the ‘Florida Kilos’ tag!

From the time that I was a little girl, growing up in poverty, I decided that my adulthood would be different. At a young age, I was more sure of myself than most of the people around me. As a result, I made my way down to Florida where I began to both make and deal cocaine- alongside the man of my life. We shared our dreams, our bodies, our business. I was in a drug cartel with responsibilities and a lot of talent. I made dangerous partnerships, million dollar deals, and a lot of money; that is where this story continues.

“Hello?”

“Boss?” Jungkook’s voice dashed out of the other side of the line. His breathing filled my ears, his heavy breath was followed by rustling and the loud sound of sirens in the background. “Did you get home okay? Please tell me that you did-”

“Yes, I’m fine,” I replied, quickly dismissing his question to ask one of my own. I removed the phone from my ear, my finger tapping over the speakerphone for Jimin to listen. “Jungkook, where the hell are you guys?”

There was nothing other than more friction vibrating out of the speaker dock. My eyes glancing Jimin’s way for a search of an answer. He stared profoundly at the phone, waiting, with furrowed brows and his arms crossed over his chest.

“Boss…” His voice softens, “We got ourselves into some really bad shit.” 

A mass suddenly befell back over my chest, my heart sank, and I dreadfully looked back at the tv.

“Are Yoongi and Hoseok with you?” I rose to my feet, my limbs buzzing under my weight but yet, I stepped approaching the screen. 

My eyes examined the environment in which the reporter stood. From what was being broadcasted, I could make out at least four police vehicles, and of men, it had to be over a dozen.

“They are beside me on the other side of the alley. We’re trapped- if we move they’ll have a clean shot to gun us down.” He described before a loud voice pronounced through the phone and through the tv screen.

“We have you surrounded- lay your guns down and we won’t shoot.”

“Yoongi’s unconscious, he was piss drunk and coked out of his mind when we got here.” I groaned, thinking that things couldn’t possibly get any worse. “He wouldn’t stop fighting us, so I had to knock him out.”

Not only were Jungkook and Hoseok outnumbered but they also had an unconscious body to bear. I swung my head. My eyes glossed out of difficulty but I struggled it out with a deep sigh.

“Okay- Okay,” I told myself. Thinking would be so much smoother if my head wasn’t clouded in a haze. I needed to think! How was I going to get them out of this? “Jimin and I can be there in just a few minutes. And-and we can pick you up through the back streets or- or-”  

I found myself tripping over my words, trying to make use of a useless idea. I could feel my heart beating in the drums of my ears and my head started to throb at the same rhythm. A cast shadow crawled over me and over the tv screen, Jimin stood inches behind my pitiful frame.

“The roads are going to be blocked (Y/n). How will we get through?” He muttered loudly.

“We can park the car and go on foot!” I stated raising my voice involuntarily.  

“(Y/n) you can barely stand up straight!” He bickered back. I shook my head again, my hand gripping the phone tight in my fist. This couldn’t be happening. “I’ll go.”

“No! Jimin, listen,” Jungkook directly returned, making Jimin and I stand still. “You need to stay, protect her, no matter what.”

Then a gunshot when off. Close to the phone. Close to Jungkook. “They are moving in closer. (Y/n) if you have a plan- we can do it but we don’t have time to wait any longer!”

“Okay! I- I just need a minute. Please!” I shouted, shutting my eyes to keep them from producing any tears. My grip was shaking frantically, out of my control, as I stared into the darkness behind my eyelids. But the more I tried to come up with something, the more my body rejected my endeavors. I couldn't think of anything other than the fear that was forming throughout my body. Gunshots continued to go off. The tv was mimicking the phone call.

Then suddenly, I felt a hand wrap around mine, gripping the phone and gliding it out of my fingers. Jimin barely spared me a look before turning his back to me and speaking calmly into the phone.

“Jungkook,” He sighed. “Do whatever it takes.”

“Drop your weapons and we’ll let you live!”

There was a quietness where no one spoke and the only thing that I heard was the sound of the police alarms. And all I did was stand there- useless.

“Yeah…” Jungkook answered shortly after, his voice had dropped into a barely audible noise. I heard a glips of  Hoseok’s call, yelling to Jungkook to inform him that his ammo count- was running low. Then there was another hesitation,  “You know...these pigs are really starting to piss me off. -Hey, boss?”

I stepped toward Jimin, grabbing a light hold of his shoulder to turn him on his feet. My phone in his hand was now pointing at me directly.  

“Yeah,” I responded, “I’m here…” Through a cracking voice.

“Get rid of your phone.”

“Wha-” Before I had an opportunity to question him, the gunshots began to come through louder. Jimin and I  switched to the screen, seeing the camera shoot toward the back of the street. Where Jungkook stepped out from behind the building wall. He held two guns in either hand, firing rapidly at the police, who hid behind their car doors.  

“Jungkook what are you doing!?” I said into the phone taking it from Jimins hands. I could see Jungkook’s own phone sticking out of the front pocket of his flannel. I got a glimpse of Hoseok stepping out himself to cover Jungkook’s sudden outburst. One by one, each police officer shot back, struggling to get an open shot as Jungkook’s relentless firing in their direction. 

“Jungkook! Fall back!” Hoseok voice traveled through the phone, as he retreated back behind the wall. Jungkook slowly began to step after, not lagging down his movements to retaliate but surely knowing that he would have to reload soon. 

Then I saw it in his expression, 

the way his eyes changed from narrowed and furies to gradually widening. A groan came from my hands, his voice coming in clear through the phone, he took sharp rapid breaths. There was only a second, where I could see Jungkook stumble back against the wall with his gun covering his side where the pain erupted. 

“Jungkook!” I yelled. The live recording cutting away from the violent scene.  

“Jungkook!” Hoseok repeated my call. Jungkook’s rough breathing was all I could hear over the rustling against the mic. “Jungkook, stay there- stay there. I’m coming!” 

There was a thud that followed gunshots, his breathing was my only visual of him being alive.

“Jungkook! Answer me!” I yelled once again, desperately longing for his well-being. 

“There is so much blood…” He panted into the phone. His words pushing tears to my eyes. 

“Don’t move! We’re coming to get you- just hang on.” I said wrapping both my hand around my phone as if he could feel my touch. 

“No...you aren’t.” He ordered in a sharp tone.

“Put your guns down!”

My vision blurry as I started down at the call, shutting my eyes and releasing tears as Jungkook yelled back.

“For what!? So you can kill me unarmed?!” Jungkook’s voice boomed through the phone. 

“Surrender, kid! We’re trying to save your life!”

“Jungkook put the damn guns down!” I cried, trying to restrain any loud cries from escaping my trembling lips. 

“Save my life?!” Jungkook scoffed, the bane of anger spluttering from his words. 

“Jungkook don’t!” Hoseok shouted. I heard more rustling that could only be Jungkook’s attempts at movement.

“You don’t want to save me!” He shouted. Gunshots that were ringing so loud they could only belong to him. “You want information about my boss!”

“Jungkook!” I yelled louder. His name scratching out my throat while tears stained my cheeks as I pleaded, “Turn yourself in!!” 

“I can’t do that, boss!” I stepped toward the dresser, slamming the phone and the palm of my hands on the wooden surface. 

“Dammit, Jungkook!!” My head hovering over the receiver, tears dripping onto the dull screen. “This is an order!! You have to live!!”

“Jungkook!”

“I would have died for you,” He said softly, shivers cutting across my skin, the gunshots coming to a soundless halt. “But instead- I end up doing it for the bastard of your boyfriend.”

“Jungkook!”

“Hoseok, Jimin- you two take good care of her.” His words run within my head as he spoke them. In the pitch black of my mind, I could make out the details of his appearance. As if he stood before me but still out of my grasp. “My boss- she’s the Godmother- and she’ll drag you all to hell!”

Bang! Bang! 

A thump rang through the phone and then I could no longer hear his breathing. Hoseok called out his name but there was no longer a response. 

“No! No! No! NO!” 

I grabbed the edge of the dresser, using all my rage to drive it toward the ground, where it crashed on impact with everything on top following it. The pain in my chest pried sobs from my mouth and crowded the room of noise. My legs ultimately giving out, falling to my hands and knees beside the mess of broken mirror and wood. My own cries of agony were all my ears could overhear. The feeling of a black hole, having been bashed through the center of my chest was all my brain could comprehend. Along with a feeling I had not felt in years- helplessness. All I could do was fall into the black pit and I let it consume me.

-

“You look lost, babe.”

I pushed through the crowd of young, sweating, adults. The house music was drowning the room of its rhythmic base. Intoxicated souls grinding on each other in a haze of bliss. I barely escaped the heated mess as I stumbled into the corner of the front room. I hated parties. “Need some help there?”

My arm was grabbed by a strong grip, an attempt to help me find a balance on my own two feet. I promptly removed my arm from the assistance, finding my own composure through the turmoil of the frat party. Pushing lose strands of my hair away from my face, I turned to look at the owner of the over-friendly voice. “You good there?”

“I’m fine,” I answered loudly, not meaning to come off as discourteous. Regardless, his mouth revealed an unbothered smile at our meet. His eyes, dark and gleaming, creased around the edges as he chuckled defenselessly. I caught myself trapped, encased in his charming stare.

“You’ve got a name, babe?”

“Jungkook!”

I was slightly startled by the large figures coming into sight, one of them bumping against my shoulder and practically pushing me aside. They greeted the boy who stood before me. He smiled at them, shaking up with old friends.

“You got anything on you?” One of the taller guys asked. His pale hands rubbed together in excitement.

“Of course I do!” He laughed with the same charming smile from before. His hands reaching into his pocket, pulling out a handful of 4 or 5 dime bags. “A new strain just for you guys.”  

I scoffed, laughing to myself thinking that they wouldn’t notice. To the bad luck that had been following me that particular night, the closest of the pack turned in my direction.

“Who’s this pretty thing you have here, Kook?” I raised a single brow, crossing my arms over my chest to shield my body from the growing stares.

“Uh- I don't know. I’m trying to figure that out myself.” Jungkooks face soften, noticing my discomfort in the eyes of so many.

“Yeah… I would be too.” The same male responded. He pushed his colored hair away from his view of me. Cocky enough to step forward and wrap his arm around my shoulder. “I’ve never seen you around here before- want to tell me your name, gorgeous?”

“I’ll do you one better.” I hummed. A smile forced out of the repugnance that his touch brought over my coat. As politely as I could, I removed his arm from my shoulder, his friends laughing like a batch of high school girls. I reached into the valley of my breast, the boy's eyes locked on my movement, I pulled on the plastic where an eighth of blow remained. All of their eyes widen- shocked at the unexpected possession. “I’ll only charge $75 for this entire eight ball.”

“Deal.” He said immediately reaching out for the bag but I shield it in my fist. I raised my eyebrow at him once again. “Oh-”

He pulled out cash from his pocket, turning to look at his friends to pitch in any money that they could. A genuine smile appeared across my lip- thinking this night wasn’t a complete disaster after all. I watched him count the money out loud in his hand, “70, 75, 80- here.”

I snatched the money from his hand and tossed him the bag. He caught it in a single hand and a smile I had seen too often displayed on his face. I placed the money safely in my bra and ended up making eye contact with Jungkook. He stared at me baffled with his own product still in his hand- unpurchased and with no customers.

“Thanks!” I cheerfully said. Not wasting any opportunity to make my great escape out through the front door of the frat house. Although, a voice called out to me,

“Wha- Hold on!”

-

I awoke in a jerk. Not grasping or recalling ever falling unconscious. I laid above my sheets in a cold sweat. There was a split second of stillness, of not knowing, until all the memories and pain came rushing back inside of me. Tears flowing immediately down my eyes once again as I sat up in my bed.

“Take it easy.”

The mess I made on the floor was my reminder of what I felt wasn’t all just a bad dream. Jimin was at my side at a nearby chair. I noticed my arm was wrapped up as I went to pushed my hair away from sticking to my face.

“Where are they? How long was I out?” I scooted myself to the edge of the bed, my bare feet touching the stone cold floor.

“About forty minutes but nobody’s came back yet.” How could I have let this happen? My head was aching so much, it was heavy and forced my body down to earth, it was almost loud in my ears. “You need to rest or something- you’re completely exhausted.”

As I was shaking my head, about to verbally object his help, we were stopped by the sound of pounding coming from outside. I shuffled to my feet, rushing out of the room with Jimin following every step behind me.

“Wait, (Y/n), it could be a trap.”

I ignored him. Not thinking about anything else as we ran down the steps to the far end of the dark, cold, warehouse. The pounding continued frantically at the front door. I could barely make out the dim outline of the entry, light from the street was cracking through the bottom- someone’s shadow blocking the light. It had to be them.

“I said wait-”

But I leaned down to push the doors open anyway. The heavy metal cramping my weak arms, Jimin stepped in to help me push it over our heads. Hoseok’s slim frame rushed in, with another figure over his shoulder. We let the doors slam shut, turning to look at the breathless man before us.

“Hobi.” I ran up toward him, as he set Yoongi’s senseless body on the floor. I wrapped my arms around his frame. He was cold and breathing heavily.

“I’m so sorry.” His cold embrace supported me as his words triggered the tears from my eyes. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what to do- I just- I just left him there.”  

His voice broke as tears of his own slipped down his cheeks. I looked up at him, cupping the supple wet cheeks in my hands and pushing his sticky black hair away from his forehead. His skin was clammy at my touch and he cried silently, hiding his shame in the comfort of my shoulder.

“I’m so happy you’re okay,” I mumbled, as I combed his tangled hair and sighed in a bitter-sweet relief. Jimin had switched on a pair of yellow lights, the room coming into full view and Yoongi’s sleeping body beside me.  

I gently pushed Hoseok away, my eyes locked on the figure that lays on the floor. Anger ignited within me, staring at the peaceful look that rested on his mug.

“Bring him upstairs.” I spat quietly, leading the way back to the main room.

-

“Throw him in there.” I gestured to the white bathtub that sat in the back wall of our small bathroom. Jimin and Hoseok both hoisted Yoongi’s arms over their shoulders, his feet dragging across the broken gray tile. 

They laid him gently in the tub with a dull thump. His head and arms spilling over the edge while the dark blue currents were tied to one side. He wore the same clothes in which I had seen him in the lobby. His white hair matched his pale body. 

I turned on the faucet, watching the cold water run over the leather of his shoes, before pulling up the shower head. 

I stood back beside the sink. Jimin and Hoseok standing closer by the door, as we watched Yoongi spring to life. His eyes darting open as his head was soaked in freezing temperatures. 

“Wha- what the fuck?!” He cursed in a yell, unaware of the problem. He tried to rub the water out of his eyes and rolled in to turn off the water. 

I watched him struggle to get out of the tub, his drenched clothing sticking to the shape of his body and his wet shoes slipped on the tile. 

“Fuck!” He yelled, this time reaching for his own head. Groaning as he started to come down to an almost sober form. “What the hell is going on? How did I get home?”

Nobody answered him. He barely looked at us- lost but without care. He solely reached for a towel that hung on a nearby rack. “Jungkook...that little shit hit me across the head- where is he?!”

“He’s dead,” Jimin replied. His voice cold and numbing. Shivers formed on my skin as Yoongi froze and looked at him. His eyes moved to Hoseok's and then to mine as if to validate what Jimin had said. 

“He’s dead because of you,” I repeated bluntly. Holding his lost stare until he looked away to sit at the edge of the tub, an annoyance of his own, seeping through his expression. “He stayed back, acting as a shield while Hoseok had to carry you out through the streets!” 

“Everything- just got out of hand.” He said through his teeth, the towel resting at the top of his head. Angry at his rude awakening and the manner that I spat my words to him. He yanked off the towel, standing to his feet once again and looking at me. 

“This isn’t my fault- it’s yours.” 

My face contoured in anger, my eyes watering as his cold black eyes stared at me. “If you would have just let me kill Alessandro- instead of allowing his filthy hands on you and making me look like a fool! None of this would have happened!”

“Oh, take some fucking responsibility!” I screamed at him. He laughed, mocking my pain and shaking his head as if he felt pity for me. He passed closer to me, cornering me between him and the sink. 

“If Jungkook died- it was because he was an arrogant shit, who didn’t know when to shut his fucking mouth!” His voice distorted through his lips. His breath reeked of liquor as he spoke gently in my face but spit venom in my heart.  

“Don't- I won’t allow you to talk about him like that, not anymore,” I whispered as a single tear rolled down my face. I didn’t recognize the man that stood before me. I muttered, heartbroken, “You’re an ungrateful piece of shit.” 

“No,” He shook his head, a laugh falling from his lips as if there was an irony to appreciate. He stepped back, giving me some air to breathe, while he slipped off his black blazer. “The only ungrateful one here is you. You don’t think I know what you’re doing- What you’ve been doing this whole time?!” 

The blazer was tossed into the tub. Yoongi untucked his shirt and snickered under his breath. “You’re leaving me out of the business (Y/n). You’re pushing me aside- so that, in the end, you can say that it was you who made all of this possible. ” 

“Watch it, Yoongi. I won't let you speak to me like this-” 

“Deal with it!!” He yelled. This time, using his large hands to push me up against the sink. Leaving my hips to dig hard into the sharp corners of the sink. His digits pressing into the flesh of my body, leaving bruises in the shape of his fingerprints. His face was inches away from mine and I flinched away as he resumed to yell, “I’ll speak to you however I want!”

Hoseok and Jimin rushed in, grabbing Yoongi by the arms to pull him off of me. My heart was pumping the anger through my veins. His hands balled into fists while he fought out of their hold as they pulled him out of the door. 

“You can’t deny it! You only got here because of me, (Y/n)!”

I remained calm, fixing the cloth of my dress as I stepped out into the hall where Yoongi was beginning restrained. His hair was a mess over his eyes. 

“Let him go,” They did as I said and Yoongi huffed as he shoved their hands away. “So now I owe everything to you, Yoongi?” 

I stepped in his direction, my arms crossing over my chest and laughing at his idiotic nature. I could practically see the smoke coming from his nose as he breathed heavily. “If you want to talk about who has done what in this business- it wasn’t you who’s driven himself mad coming up with ideas and carrying Taehyung’s empire on your shoulders!”

“I MADE YOU!”

His words echoed throughout the warehouse. His face falling red and veins beating out from his skin. I took the words with major damage, feeling weak at his claim. “Who brought you into this business? Me! Who taught you everything you know? Me! You were nothing- until you met ME!”

I removed the tears from my face. Swallowing his words with a great conflict. His eyes holding an expression that I had never seen before.

“And you’re still nothing...even when you have me.”

I said with nothing but pure hatred and disgust. It lingered in the air, in our eyes, and in depth of our hearts. “Pack your shit- You’re leaving back to Florida.”

I glanced his way, pitting the angry mess that stood before me. The child the man had become. The only thing I longed for was to sleep away my memories and so I stepped in the direction of our bedroom.

“I don’t- work for you.” I heard a click coming from his direction- a sound I knew all too well. I turned back in his direction, seeing a gun in his hold, following how he brought it to my aim.

“Do it and I’ll blow your head off,” Jimin proclaimed behind him. He wasn't hesitatent to pull out his own weapon and guiding it to the back of Yoongi’s head.  

Yoongi didn’t even flinch with the gun to his skull. He only kept his watch on me while I took some bold steps forward. Our eyes locking every step of the way until I stood in his reach. The muzzle of the gun pressed firmly against the center of my chest.

“Shoot me…” I dared him. I nearly threaten him. I clutched his wrist and shoved the metal farther into my skin. “Shoot me! Show me the balls you claim to have Min Yoongi!”

His skin was tight under my hand, his eyebrow twitched in rage. The eyes I had spent so long dreaming into, stared fears and insecurities into mine. Jimin’s aim was holding up calmly, breathing with ease as he waited for the next moment to play out. The silence thickened the room and then Yoongi relaxed his arm, softening the grip on his gun, and darting his eyes away. “That’s what I thought.”

I shoved the weapon away from my chest and taking in a powerful breath.

“The next time you point a gun at me, make sure you actually have the balls to pull the trigger- or you’ll be the one with a hole through their head.”  Yoongi tucked it back in his belt under his shirt, looking away in bitterness. “Hoseok is taking you back to Miami- tonight.”

-

“You okay?”

I looked up to see Yoongi stood over me. With the sun setting behind him, almost claiming him a complete silhouette

“Yeah- yes,” I said shaking myself from the deep daydream he had pulled me away from.  He stepped closer, the details of his body and clothes becoming more clear with every measure.

“What were you thinking about?” He sat himself in the lawn chair alongside me, I brought my knees closer together to give him room. I shook my head, analyzing a single piece of grass at the tips of my fingers.

“You- me...us, I guess.” I glanced his way. His eyes were locked on my fingers, watching what I was doing so tediously. I ripped the grass in half and let it drop back to the ground.

The hot summer time, and Yoongi's stare, shaped beads of sweat along my palms. The songs of birds flying past us and the tall grass that tickled my legs, brought me courage, “Why me Yoongi? Why are you with me?”

“Well,” He sighed and I looked up to him. His black hair framing his delicate skin, the glowed in the light rays of the sun. “Because you are ugly- and I really like ugly girls.”

“Yoongi!” I laughed. Hitting him on his arm and he sent me a smiled back in response. “I’m serious Yoongi, I’m- I’m not like other girls…”

The laugh he had brought slowly died off and my voice fell timid and embarrassed. I could barely build up any more courage to think out loud. “I wish I could be, really, I do. I just...you know, other girls are so quick to fall for a guy and are so open to the idea of love. They don’t drive themselves crazy overthinking it as I do. The truth is... it’s absolutely terrifying to me.”

As much as I loved to look at him- his black orbs that somehow illuminated me and his soft black hair that I always had my hands in- I couldn’t bring myself to. It was a combination of shame and weakness that contemplated heavily in my chest.

“I know that.” He was staring straight at me. I could feel the warmth of his stare. His head somewhat leaned in, enough for me to feel him there but at the same time long for his company. “Why is it so difficult for you? To have someone care?”

“I’ve never- had anything good come from having been around men.” I admitted, catching his eyes by mistake. A tear rolled down my cheek as I could see all the emotions he didn’t know how to express, gathered in the darkness of his eyes. “But with you, the feeling is...strange- nice, but strange.”  

He shifted his body, his hand coming in to cup my cheek. A faint smile grew on my lips at his warm touch, his thumb running over any tears that had slipped out. He brought my head up, bringing me back to his gaze and leaning his forehead against mine. He was like the sun. I shut my eyes, life and warmth radiated off of his body, making me feel like I wasn’t cold and dead inside.

I was like the moon and he was my sun.

“Yoongi?” I whispered gently. His calm breathing laid upon my skin, his own eyes were still shut, his thick eyelashes laid gently across his skin. “Are you going to make love to me?”

His eyes opened slowly, staring deep into my own, “Only if you want me to.”

“I don’t think I’ll be very good,” I admitted.

Yoongi’s lips turned into a tender smile. The hand that rested on my cheek moved backward, to push hair away from my face and tucked it behind my ear.

“(Y/n), you’ll be the best.”

-

“(Y/n)...(Y/n)”

I looked up from my seat at the table, Hoseok approaching me with a freshly brewed cup of coffee. He gave me a soft smile as I thanked him. The aroma filling my nose and my freezing hands clinging to the warmth of the mug.

“You should get some rest- it's been a rough night.” I shook my head, sighing at the painful understatement. I stared down into the black reflection in the coffee cup, catching a glimpse of the tears that ran down my cheeks.

“Where is he?” I asked reaching up to erase the trace of sorrow on my face. Hoseok’s mouth turned as the bitter taste rattled his mouth.

“He’s getting his stuff together.” He set his own mug down and pushing it out of his reach. I nodded my head in understanding. “When are you and Jimin returning to Miami?”

“I don’t know yet,” I mumbled, bringing the cup to my dry lips. The liquid burned my tongue at the touch and numbed its path down my throat. “We have to organize the kilos we have here before we start bringing more. Now that our competition is gone we have to be smarter than before.”

I set the glass down. Letting the weight of my headache rest in the palm of my hand. To think that all of our accomplishments would feel worthless. Was any of it worth it? I couldn’t see the gain in anything. “I also just can’t leave him here alone.”

“What are you talking about?” Hoseok asked, peering up at me through the locks of his hair.

“Jungkook- I won’t just leave him here.” I took in a trembling breath, batting away the tears in my eyes as I looked at Hoseok's straight frown. “He doesn’t belong here Hobi. He should be in Florida...with his family.”

“Jungkook sent money to his brother each month…”

“I know,” Though Jungkook barely ever spoke about him, I knew that his heart would never abandon the only living family he had. Jungkook was just that kind of man. “His brother won’t lack in anything. I’m sure he disapproved of Jungkook’s path but he’s still his blood and deserves everything Jungkook gave his life to.”

Hoseok simply nodded, his eyes lingering on the table in deep thoughts. The night had been hard on all of us. We didn’t even look like ourselves anymore.

“I can find a way to get in contact with his brother.” Hobi offered, his eyes were swollen, his smile vanished into a never ending pout. His face was discolored and pale, it was as if the light had been drained out of his soul.  

“I’ll take care of all of that. You’ve helped enough Hobi. Thank you.” I reached my hand across the white, cold table, placing my hand above his own. He squeezed my fingers in his grip and nodded his head. “I need you to look after Yoongi until I get back.”

“All that, that he said,” Hoseok shook his head and sighed locking his eyes with mine. “he didn’t mean it.”

The thing was, Hoseok and I were supposed to know Yoongi better than anyone. I was his lover and he was his lifelong friend but despite all of that, Yoongi didn't look the same. He didn't talk the same- he wasn't the same and neither was I. I didn’t know what I used to be so sure about; If all of my memories of us were safe to rely on.

“I talked to Taehyung,” Jimin said in between the silence. Hobi and I turned to look at Jimin’s form stepping down the stairs. “I explained the situation and he is sending his private jet- it should land in about two hours.”

“Thanks.” I nodded my head and directed my attention back to Hoseok. “You should get some rest before the flight.”

“Sure.” He agreed, knowing that the lack of stress and exhaustion was weighing him under.

As he stood from his chair and I stopped him, pushing his cup of black coffee in his direction, suggesting that he give it to Yoongi so he could sober up sooner. I watched him walk slowly toward his room up the stairs, Jimin patted his shoulder as he walked passed him. I brought the bitter cup back to my lip letting its taste stain my mouth.

“Are you going to take your own advice?” Jimin asked, still standing from his spot beside the stairs. I placed the half empty mug on the table, sighing loudly, before standing to my feet.

“There’s something I have to do.”

I was soon left alone on the main floor of the warehouse. The cold of the floor was freezing up my bare legs as I still was only wearing the dress from earlier. I didn’t hear any movement from the bedrooms upstairs and the warehouse was loud in the silence.

I took the sheet of white paper, placing it on the matching table, resting myself with a pen in my hand.

: A thousand actions or apologies can not bring back the dead. I know because I’ve tried. No words could ever express the void that his absence has brought. I don’t know if there is a God but Death is virtuous and we are all equal in her eyes. In his final moments, he showed great courage and strength. He never feared anything and so I believe he did not fear death at his time.

This money that you are receiving has come from his sweat and his blood. No one other than you has the right to claim what he has worked so hard for. What he died for. Unknowingly, your brother's life was in my hands and it slipped out of my grasp like loose sand. In a way, he was my blood as well. We may have not been blood bound from birth but bloodshed did unite us.

At the end of it all, the only question that remains; was it worth it? You and I have to believe that it was. Though a part of me is frightened to think that it may have been a lost cause. Looking past the resentment that you may feel, he lived his life with a passion and found his own reasons to smile through a world that was so cruel. I’ll leave you those memories and empty feelings to take complete responsibility for the waste of such a precious soul.

Every morning that I ever wake.  

Every night I try to escape.

His death will haunt me.

~The Godmother

-

I stood by the open warehouse door. The cold air and gray light from the rising sun cracked through the opening. It made the entire place resemble a wasted ghostland in an icy glow. Jimin was helping put the last of the luggage in the trunk of his car. Yoongi leaned against the hood of the car and stared into nothingness. We hadn’t directed a single word to each other since our fight just a few hours ago. In all honesty, I could barely even look at him. The atmosphere between us solidified with unspoken words we only kept to ourselves.

Everyone was still in their same clothes, except for Yoongi who had changed out of his dripping wet suit. I hadn’t even looked myself in the mirror but sleep deprivation and constant crying must not add up to anything good. All I could do was comb my fingers through my hair as if that were to make a difference.

“(Y/n)’s phone is turned off and so should yours, to be safe, we don’t know what the police can detect from Jungkook’s phone,” Jimin explained, gently letting the trunk of his car come to a close. “When you land, there will be new phones waiting for you. You can call mine to be in touch with (Y/n).”

No one said anything in response. All I could do was walk toward Hobi and wrap my arms around his slim torso. I buried my face in his chest and wished that everything would be alright. My throat cramped as it did when tears threaten to escape my eyes. His long arms wrapped around me tightly, his chest rising and falling as he took in a deep sigh.

“Let me know as soon as you land,” I said softly to him. Feeling almost scared to pull away in the thought that I would end up alone once I did.

“We should get going now,” Jimin announced before stepping into the driver seat and starting the car engine.

“You need to rest now,” Hobi said as he pulled away from me. His hands running up and down my shoulders as if he was trying to warm my cold skin. I nodded my head and stepped to the side letting him pass to the direction of the car.

As I turned around, ready to see them drive off, I was caught off guard by Yoongi standing right behind me. He now stood in front of me with an unreadable expression resting on his face. His aura was calm but hesitated as he stepped into my space. He maintained eye contact the entire time, his body clearly suffering from the poison he put into his system earlier that night. His eyes were hollowed out along with his cheekbones, his skin was almost a deadly color.

“What have you done?” He didn’t answer my silent question. He closed the space between us and all I could do was look away from his gaze. He tried to grab my hands but I pushed him away, “Don’t…”

He didn’t argue back, he simply leaned in, and planted as a kiss on the round skin of my cheek. I blinked a tear from my eyes as he held the contact. His lips making me shiver violently.

My eyes didn’t open until I felt his presence leave my side. The sound of the car door slamming shut and a soft honk for their farewell. I watched the car drive into the back streets before I moved to close the doors myself.

My body was weak. I barely had the energy to go up the small flight of stairs. But somehow, through my daze, I stood by the door of the room I shared with Yoongi. No one had bothered to pick up the broken mirror and fallen dresser. As tempting as the bed looked, something about stepping through the door frame felt wrong.

Instead, I kept walking over my feet, until I stumbled into the room Jungkook had been staying in. My breathing deepened as my eyes laid on the pieces of clothing that lay scattered around the room. The room had remained untouched and sunlight was coming in clear through the broken blinds. My hand ran over the muted blue sheets, digging out a plain white tee-shirt from the waves of covers.

My tears ran like calm streams, down the land of my cheek and dripping off my chin. I brought the cloth up to my nose taking in the familiar scent of his soap. I made myself comfortable crawling in the cool sheets, my hand tightly wrapped around the fabric.

-

“Hey! I said wait up!” 

I turned back around, halfway down the block from the frat house, to see the same guy, Jungkook- calling after me. He jogged the last few feet with ease, coming to an abrupt halt, standing in front of me.

“Yeah?” I asked as he fixed his strands of long brown hair. 

“I never caught your name.” I laughed. Finding it hard to believe that he would actually follow me out all the way out here just for that. Jungkook laughed along with me, flashing me a pair of bunny teeth, to be charming. 

“Why do you want to know?” I asked him, crossing my arms over my chest as a summer breeze came in.

“I’ve just- I’ve never seen you around. Knowing everyone is kind of what I’m known for.” He chuckled, reaching up to scratch the back of his head. 

“I don’t even go to this University, you don’t have to know me,” I assured him. Simply starting to walk back in the direction of home. 

“Well, we have that in common!” He pursued, walking along the side of me. “My brother comes to school here though. I was supposed to start last semester but school isn’t really my forte.” 

“So instead you’re just selling pot at frat parties?” I asked questioning his logic.  

“We all have our own talents.” He laughed pushing up the sleeves on his arms. The music of the party could be heard even though that we were a block away. “What about you? You’re acting like your doing much better than me.” 

“For your information, what you make in a week I can make in a day,” I said a bit defensively. Surprised at me for even bothering to talk to this kid. 

“You could be- but not by what you were selling that eighth for.” He smirked, his shoulder bumping into mine as we walked. “I mean yayo has to be selling for way more than that.” 

“You see the funny thing is- that’s not any of your business,” I smirked as he rose his hands up defensively. 

“Woah, you got me.” Jungkook laughed but all I could do was shake my head at the amusement. “But it could be my business, you know if you ever need help selling. As I said, I’m known for knowing everyone.” 

“Thanks but I’ll pass Jungkook,” I assured him. 

“Hey! You know my name. Now you have to tell me yours.” He said, walking a few steps further than me, turning his back so that he was walking backwards to face me. 

“No, I don’t,” I said reaching into my back pocket, pulling out a cigarette I had taken from Yoongi’s pile earlier. 

I held it in between my lips, my hand roamed the pockets of my jeans, in search for a lighter. My head was tilted down, watching the white lighter slip out of my front pocket, Jungkook reached over and pulled the cigarette from my lips.  

“Hey!” I complained. He simply took the cigarette in his fingers, tossing it behind his back, not caring where it landed.

“A pretty girl like you shouldn’t be smoking tobacco-” I cut my eyes in his direction, tucking my hands into the front pockets, before refusing to stand him any longer. I continued to follow the street lights that lit up the neighborhood sidewalks but he called out for me once again. “This on the other hand… is a free sample?”

I glanced his way as he reached behind his ear, through his hair, he pulled out a pre-rolled joint. He offered it to me in between his fingers, dropping his eye into a wink for significance. 

“No thanks. I’ll just wait until I get home to have my cigarette.” I huffed theatrically. Jungkook shrugged to himself, taking up his own offer and placing the joint in his mouth. 

“Can I get that?” He muttered to me, referring to the lighter that my hand laid over in my pocket. I sighed and pressed my lips together, handing him the lighter, with as little eye contact as possible. He cupped his hand over the flame protecting it from the threat of the wind. The fire lit up the skin around his mouth in a warm glow before it extinguished back into the darkness. Jungkook inhaled deeply holding his eyes while he concentrated on his actions. He held the smoke in his cheeks, taking in a fresh breath of oxygen, before bringing it straight to his lungs. “Where do you live anyway?”

“With my boyfriend,” I said coldly. Turning my head as he started coughing after releasing the smoke from his mouth. 

“You have a boyfriend and you’re letting me walk you home!?” He gasped dramatically. 

“You’re following me!” I yelled in protest. He could only laugh in response, his voice growing to a slightly higher pitch than before.

“You’re trying to get me murdered babygirl.”I hummed, cringing at the pet name. 

“(Y/n)- my name is (Y/n),” I said in a matter of correction. Our eyes locked for a moment, as I waited for his response, but he simply just smiled. It was almost shy to himself, he didn’t hold eye contact for long before he brought the joint back to his lips.

I allowed him to walk with me a little longer. Despite his cocky front, he actually seemed pretty harmless. It was kind of pleasant to have a conversation with a stranger with no attachments or worries. For the most part, Jungkook was doing most of the talking but I appreciated hearing his story.

“After my parents died, my older brother took it in his hands to claim my custody,” He continued explaining. He spoke calmly, his eyes focusing in working for his hands, rolling a new joint. “And though I’m grateful, it really put a strain on our relationship- not that we were ever close, to begin with.”  

“Opposites?” I asked, stepping slow, making sure our pace matched.

“Polar opposites.” He exclaimed. Before using his mouth to stick down the edges of the rolling paper. “He’s just stubborn and doesn’t think I take my future seriously. The only way I get him off my back is by bringing that money home.”

“Don’t you think he’s going to start questioning how you’re getting it?”I asked, taking the final form of the joint from his hands. “You don’t exactly work normal hours.”

“Nah, like you said,” Jungkook reached over, offering the flame source to me, as I held the joint in between my lips. “I don’t make much, to begin with.”

He held the fire out for me, I cupped the flame and guided it to the end of the joint. The paper caught a blaze continuously burning even after the lighter went out. The loud taste filled my mouth as I held the smoke in, staining my mouth like a bitter cup of coffee. “He’s too busy with work and school to notice anyway.”

Though Jungkook remained at ease as he talked, I couldn’t imagine the pain that he was holding within. He was so young and I could see similarities between us. Our priorities were based on surviving and sadly we were not blessed with many opportunities or useful talents.

“What about you?” He asked between the silence. “What’s your family like?”

“Not really like a family at all, I suppose,” I muttered exhaling the smoke from my lungs. “What remained of them I left back up north when I came to Florida... not something I really like to talk about.”

Jungkook uttered an apology for bringing up such an uncomfortable topic. It could have been his words or the weed but he reminded me of someone I lost. Someone I cared for deeply.  

“Well, how long have you been here?” He asked, hoping that topic would be easier for me to handle. He took the joint between his lips and hollowed in his cheeks.

“A little over two years now- I met my boyfriend not long after I arrived,” I said feeling the effect of the drug vibrate my body.

“Love at first sight?” I smiled to myself.

“Something like that.”

It didn’t take much longer for me to be approaching my home, were Yoongi must have been waiting for me patiently. As far as Jungkook went, I left him just over the hill from where I lived. Thanked him for the company and though I had no reason to, I believed I would see him again.

[rachelagyefron]

Last year, I made a bucket list with all the things I’d like to accomplish before I turn 30. So far I have done 8 things that are listed, recently ticking off 2 and 4! On February 22nd, I travelled alone for a weekend in Amsterdam and attended a festival called A State of Trance!

A State of Trance (ASOT) is one of the biggest trance networks, created by Dutch DJ Armin Van Buuren, that hosts radio shows, events and festivals in the Netherlands, Miami, Madrid and Thailand.

I received mixed responses from friends and colleagues when I told them I was going to a trance festival. I have an eclectic music taste and enjoy most genres. I particularly love electronic dance and love festivals even more so A State of Trance just seemed like the ideal festival to experience! And it did not disappoint 😉

When booking, I purchased the package that included accommodation and tickets to both the boat pre-party and the main festival. Altogether, it cost £180 which was very reasonable – especially as it included breakfast and coaches to/from all the events! Upon arrival, I had to check in and collect an envelope with details about the weekend.

I had a few hours to spare before it was time to get ready for the boat party. I hopped on a Metro going towards the city centre…at least that’s what I thought. I ended up in Waterlooplein, coming out the station and seeing a row of flea markets.

I chose not to rely too much on Google maps and just randomly wander the streets of Amsterdam. I’ve been to Amsterdam before so places looked familiar as I walked around. I discovered a small, busy Chinese restaurant which served cheap but large dishes and after eating I found a Lidl to buy some essentials (alcohol and snacks!)

It was time to get ready for the boat party! I had pre drinks with a group of friendly Danish guys. We played pictionary, I drank wine (and some of their beer), took selfies then we headed to the coach!  The journey felt like a school trip; everyone chatting, downing drinks that were snuck on and one man blaring trance on his phone.

The party was amazing! Armin Van Buuren and Ruben De Ronde both played sets, the drinks were strong, I lost my purse, found it again and ended up on the wrong coach home! That’s when I met Julian and Tomas – who also came to the festival alone! The three of us were staying at the same hostel so we called a taxi to collect us. At this point, I was super drunk but remember ordering pizza, bumping into the Danish guys again then crashing in bed.

The day of the festival I woke up quite late but had arranged to meet with Julian and Tomas for a quick drink just before we got the coach to Utrecht for ASOT! Again, the journey was like a school outing but this coach dimmed the lights and played music. When we got to the arena, I looked around in awe at how MASSIVE the place was! Tomas said, “this is just the entrance, wait until you see inside!”

Inside was even more spectacular than I imagined! We walked through a food court which had bars and food stalls serving everything from kebabs to churros. The area also had the studio where Armin Van Buuren frequently streams his radio show. The guys and I quickly ate and headed to the main stage for Armin Van Buuren’s first set! The festival began at 8pm and from then I lost track of time. I separated from the guys because I wanted to explore all the other stages.

I found myself dancing into the Psy Trance stage, where a DJ named Exis was remixing one of my favourite dance tracks!  I also wormed my way to the front during PUSH and Above and Beyond’s set. Amongst the lazers, confetti and CO2 cannons, I was seriously impressed with Armin Van Buuren’s second set and all the songs he played. I basically fell in love with the man! The atmosphere in the arena was nothing like I’ve felt at a festival before.

I may have travelled alone but I never felt lonely. I was surrounded by people with great vibes, there to have a good time and enjoy music from known DJs as well as upcoming ones. I partied until 6am, meeting several beautiful people from all over the world. My favourite was the couple who wore matching tees and the American girls whose outfits glowed in the dark! Oh and the random lady with sunglasses who kissed me on the cheek – hope she’s having a great weekend wherever she is!

The whole festival was wonderfully organised; barely any queues, staff were extremely helpful, bartenders were generous (or maybe they felt sorry for a solo raver)! Around 5am, I reunited with Julian and Tomas who were having the time of their lives at the ‘Who’s Afraid of 138’ stage. We stayed until 6am, still buzzing as we made our way to the *correct* coach. I said goodbye to the new friends I made, packed my stuff and made my way to the airport.

Amsterdam will always be my favourite city – I’m making sure I attend A State of Trance again! Perhaps for the 20th Anniversary in two years time! I’m proud and grateful to have done this trip alone, with no problems, just lots of memories 😀 ❤

Julian, Tomas & I

Rachel

x

  A State Of Trance Last year, I made a bucket list with all the things I'd like to accomplish before I turn 30.