#we’re just going to forget the times she asked about jeremiah first

[loveinsomesacredplace]

centering the guy in a m/f ship when ideally, equal adoration and care should be lavished on both characters is weird right? It’s not just me?

[elcpsstuff]

The Summer I Remembered You (C.F) (Part 18)

your words, baby, how they mean so little when your just a little to late.

—

A/N: I’m sorry y’all… 🤞🏻😔

Synopsis: bunch of hurt feelings that no one can explain

—

“Are they here yet?”

“shhh, be quiet.” I put my finger to my lips as Frankie rolls her eyes at me.

“Listen, I have to interject,” Taylor begins, “This is why Conrad is lame. You two need to stop fighting over him and let it go! He just strings people along. Let’s not act like his feelings for you are real, yn.”

I know she didn’t mean it in a mean way, but it hurt. Because no one actually believed Conrad felt that way about me, and I was starting to believe it to. What about all those stolen kisses? The cuddling at night and when he would mumble words into my ear so I would forget about the rain. Was it even real? That night?

I didn’t have time to respond to Taylor because Jeremiah is getting out of the car. “Oh my God, Belly are you okay?”

Frankie scoffs, “Yeah, we’re fine thanks for asking.” And I can’t help but laugh a little at Jeremiah’s blatant forgetfulness of anyone who wasn’t Belly.

Conrad trials behind Jeremiah and Taylor and Frankie pounce at the chance to question him, “What are you doing here?”

His adam’s apple bobs up and down before holding a bag in front of us, “Nicole.. she uh— gave me these.”

Taylor takes it quickly, “You better tell her to watch her back.” Me and the rest of the girls get in a line and Jeremiah and Conrad awkwardly hold the towel up after a couple of seconds. They better not look.

Belly shakes her head, “Hey uh, do you guys mind if I go with Jeremiah?”

“Yes, 1000% yes.” Taylor adds quickly.

“So we have to go with Conrad?” Frankie breathes the words out like there’s no tomorrow. Truthfully, I don’t want to go with Conrad either but what choice do we have since Belly and Jeremiah want to get down at 11 at night.

“Seriously?” I say but it comes out like more a whisper.

“You’ll be fine, yn. Nothing you haven’t done before.” The words come out sharp like knives to my heart. Thought me and Belly were over that but we might need to talk more.

“Ignore her, yn.” Frankie whispers in my ear and we all finish changing. Jeremiah throws the covers to the side and Belly awkwardly shuffled towards Jeremiah. He puts a hand on her back as they walk to his car.

Conrad grabs his shoulder and rubs it, but the rubbing became more aggressive the more nervous he got. “So, you guys all coming with me?”

“Sadly.” Frankie whips out.

“Let’s not make this a thing.” Taylor adds and for the first time her and Frankie start laughing. With each other and before I can question them they’re getting into the back seats.

I sigh and get into the passenger side and like always Conrad’s staring at me. I’m over it at this point.

“Crazy night guys..” Those words, they make we want to slap him. Over and over again. Does he even realize what he’s done? We were naked because of him. That’s the second time he’s the cause for me being naked. Shamefully.

“It didn’t have to be like that, if you would just stop texting yn and pretending to like her.” Taylor shoots the words right at Conrad’s throat and I can almost see the stab mark in my head.

“Taylor—”

“No, i’m serious. Maybe if you actually liked her this wouldn’t be a problem. But you don’t. So let’s just.. go.”

I can’t look anywhere else besides the window because I know if I face Conrad my heart will break into a million pieces. All the i love you’s and the promises will be broken. Our friendship lost in the cracks as well.

—

Age 14, Summer

“Jere, please?”

“Mom, I promised Belly I would take her to the boardwalk, I can’t stay with yn.”

There was one thing that was worse than leaving the summer house. That was getting a cold during the summer. Right now, that was me. Poor yn, stuck inside away from the daylight like Susannah claimed.

Their voices chirped in the background which I faintly heard, but my ears were way to clogged to fully understand.

“Why can’t Connie stay home with her? He’s obsessed with her.”

“Jere, Connie is practicing for a sailing competition, ie would you please—”

After minutes of bickering it was clear Jeremiah was not going to stay inside for me, but it was nothing personal. Even if he had decided to give in I would have felt guilty for prying him away from Belly.

Susannah came over to hand me a glass of water when Conrad walked in the room, surfboard in hand ready to catch some waves. His face went from excited to worried within milliseconds.

“What’s wrong with yn?” He looks at Susannah and I suddenly feel like a child. Like i’m not even here. I certainly look like one though in my shorts and sweatshirt. My hair was up in a high bun and sweat was dripping off my face.

Susannah’s eyes light up and I know now i’m going to have to sit through another 10 minutes of a fisher brother rejecting care to me. I would get up but I feel to sick to do anything.

“Oh, poor yn, has a summer cold. Threw up this morning.” Susannah runs a hand through my hair and another horrible, burning sneeze comes from my mouth. I can see Susannah wince.

“Oh.” Conrad whispers and I know he’s contemplating it. I don’t want him to though, he deserves the right to go outside and have fun, do whatever he wants. I’m not worth the time.

“Connie, could you, maybe—”

“I’ll stay with her. You can go to the store and run some errands mom.”

That feeling, that the girls say they feel in fairytales, I think I just got that. Leave it to Conrad Fisher to make a girl feel like the only fucking girl in the world.

“Don’t you have to surf?” I say and after I realize how desperate I sound, it’s sad. Almost like i’m begging him to go the ocean and forget about me. For now.

Instead of the response I thought he was going to give, he waves his hand and shakes his head, “It’s okay, I’ll go change.”

Before I can protest, Conrad’s up the stairs in a heartbeat.

“See,” Susannah begins, “He’d do anything for you.”

I laugh, a little too hard which results in me coughing and Susannah hands me my glass of water. “That’s funny.” I say once my voice clears.

“It’s true, yn. You’re his weakness.” The words came off Susannah’s tongue like a prayer, a promise. A promise in my heart that maybe one day, I would believe her.

Minutes later, Conrad came downstairs in shorts and a sweatshirt. He had also brought down with him and extra pair of sweats and an ice pack.

“uhm- i brought you these.” He motions and Susannah looks at me through a grin, “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” And with that, she’s off the couch and I swore I heard her whisper something to Conrad. Maybe I was so sick I was hallucinating. All of this.

Conrad sits down next to me and I felt guilty. Nobody should have to be by me right now. Not even Conrad who was my best friend, my other half.

He noticed my shift and tapped my arm, “Hey, how about you put these on?”

“You can go, Conrad.” My voice is barely above a whisper but his face conveys pure confusion. “Please. I’ll tell Susannah you stayed.”

“Woah woah yn—”

“Just go.” I shake my head and cough into my hands, feeling it cut into my throat. I groan at the pain.

“I’m not going anywhere, yn. Don’t be a dummy. I didn’t do this for my mom.”

Me. Your his weakness.

“But surfing?—” I go to question but he puts a hand to my lips.

“Surfing could wait, this can’t. Your a mess, yn. I’m not just gonna watch while my girl coughs her lungs up out her body.”

My girl? I think I might die, all for him to bring me back to life. He had that sorta effect on me. All these years I had been obsessed with someone noticing me, maybe Jeremiah. I thought one day he might, but not Conrad. We were best friends, but I never thought he saw me that way. If I had known sooner, maybe things could have been easier.

Instead of saying what I want to, I nod and grab the sweatpants from him, throwing them over my body. For some reason, I still felt cold as hell.

“Here, come on..” Conrad opens his arms for me and the only thing I wanted to do was hug him for eternity. Instead, I stupidly say: “You know you’ll get sick?”

He smirks, “Shut up, Conklin. It’s not my fault if you decline my warm chest.” And that was it. I caved. I wrapped my arms around his torso and nuzzled my head into his shoulder. My body still twitched from the aching and cold, but Conrad knew all the right things to do.

“Shhh, it’s okay. Relax.”

“Kinda hard to do that.”

Conrad stroked the hairs on my head, and I couldn’t help but blush. He was so tender, so kind, and all I wanted to do now was be sick forever, as long as he was here.

“Your very warm.” I mumble against his chest.

“I know.” He says and by the tone of his voice I know he’s smiling.

For the rest of the day we stayed inside watching shows and I never let go of Conrad besides when he got up to get me more medicine and water. As soon as he sat back down my arms were around him. I even felt him kiss my forehead once.

My eyes were sagging, and sleep was about to take over me. The last thing I heard was a soft voice whisper to me.

“It’s you, yn. I wish you could see that.”

I didn’t respond, because he probably thought I was sleeping. Honestly, i’m beginning to wonder If i was.

—

Present Day:

The eerie noises of the night kept me up, not allowing me to fall into a deep sleep I needed.

After the most awkward ride with Conrad and the girls, we all went to our separate rooms. Frankie was already fast asleep and I couldn’t blame her after the events that occurred today. It’s not everyday you get stranded naked by rich kids.

Just as my thoughts began to wind down, my phone buzzed a couple of times and I instantly grabbed it, with every bone in my body telling me not to i still did.

Conrad: u up? come down please?

I tell myself this is it, the last thing I do for Conrad Fisher. I’ll walk downstairs and tell him this is the end, of everything. Not just this love and fling he’s strung in my face all these years. This friendship. This pure friendship that got caught between the lies of our real feelings.

My feet tread across the wooden floor and lightly make my way downstairs. Conrad is by the docks. Hesitantly, I slip out the back door praying I don’t wake anyone. When i’m certain I don’t, I head for the docks.

He looks at me for the first time with an expression I can’t seem to recognize: Hurt, anger, love? I cant tell.

We’re inches apart as I stand at the dock where our childhood memories once lingered, and I think they still do.

“You came.”

I scoff, “You texted me.” I wave my phone in the air motioning at him, “can you please stop doing that?”

He’s taken aback by the harshness in my tone, “I’m sorry, stop texting you?”

“Yeah. I- I think so.” No. I don’t think so.

He reads right through me and grabs my hand, lacing our fingers together. At this rate i’ll break in a couple of minutes if he doesn’t stop this, touching.

“Conrad.”

“I don’t believe you, you know.” His free hand trails up my arm and slowly grazes my neck. “When you say that type of stuff.”

I wanna hate him so bad, but I can’t find it in me to do so. Every fiber in my body is telling me to walk away, and never look back, but I can’t. My eyes are glued to Conrad Fisher, and my heart belongs to him.

“Conrad, please.” He grazes my jaw and that’s when i’ve lost. Lost this battle between us. If he wanted me in this moment, I think I would’ve let him take me. It was bad, but so true.

“It’s selfish, what i’m doing.” He whispers against me. “Because I haven’t been fair. You know it.” My head is against his chest now and I feel his every breath. I have to stay strong, remember that this is it.

Why can’t the words come out of my mouth?

“This was the last thing I wanted. I never wanted you to regret what we did.”

That’s when I pulled my head out of his chest and shook my head, “What? Who said I regretted it?”

Conrad let go of me and ran a hand through his hair, “I- i don’t know.. I just like thought maybe.. you didn’t—”

He would never get it. If anything, this summer should be an indication to him that you very much did not regret what you two did, in fact you wanted more. I suddenly fell out of the trance Conrad had placed me in.

“This is it Conrad. You don’t get to have me anymore.”

To my surprise, he nods his head, “I know.”

Wasn’t this what you wanted? For him to let you go?

So why do I feel like my heart is ripping out? Why do I want him to fight for something that’s already gone?

“Bad things happen, when we try and… fix whatever this is. We were just two friends- best friends who got tangled into each other. It’s not like it was real.” The words burn my throat and tear at Conrad’s heart as I see them. It wasn’t true, I wanted to tell him.

“I.. yeah.” Conrad trails off.

“So please, let it go. Let me go. It’s too painful.”

Conrad only nods and pulls out a black little bag from his pocket. I already know what it is, and my heart throbs at the thought. “This was yours.”

“No, Conrad—”

“It’s for you. I can’t just give it to someone else. Throw it away, burn it, just.. I cant keep this. It’s a memory of you. You know that.”

“Conrad i’m—”

“Like you said, it wasn’t real, right?” His words sting me even though I had told him it wasn’t real. But it was, to me it was.

“Night, Conrad.” I place the little velvet bag back in his hands before turning to walk away. I even think I heard a faint ‘wait’ before leaving, but I was too dazed to tell.

—

Frankie and Taylor both left the next day. After our little wood’s experience, they had seemed to go from hating each other to tolerating each other. They even agreed on some things.

Susannah was in full deb mode. Since I had no date, my last resort was to text the one and only Josh. Of course, I had thought about asking Conrad but after our talk from the previous night I doubted he wanted to talk to me.

Luckily, Josh said he would be happy to take me, as a friend, which made me chuckle a little bit.

I walked into the living room mid afternoon, scrambling about things that needed to be done. Josh was a late entry, and I couldn’t exactly talk to Nicole about that considering she left me naked in the woods the previous night. Susannah told me she would go to the club and get it sorted though.

“What’s up with you?” I hear a voice and turn around only to be met with Belly. She’s sitting at the counter, looking more solemn than ever.

“I should be asking you that.” I pour some orange juice into my cup before placing it back in the fridge.

Belly shrugs, “I’m just thinking, I guess.” I nod and we stay silent for a little while before Belly plunges my heart a little more, “Why didn’t you tell me, about Conrad?”

I shake my head, “It’s over now, in the—”

“No. Before. When you liked him. All those years that I did?” I swallowed bile that was sticking to my throat and the walls felt like closing in. I knew why I didn’t tell her. If I did, it would ruin that perfect older sister image I wanted her to have of me.

“Did you always like him?” She asks, and her tone suggests she almost doesn’t wanna know the answer.

“I think.. yeah. The first time I felt it was when I was 11 years old. I tried to cover it up by saying I liked Jeremiah, but that wasn’t true. I just.. how could I say a thing? Not when you were—”

“Desperately in love with him? Yeah.”

I shake my head, “No. Not that. I should’ve told you.”

She nods, “You should’ve.” There was a slight pause and I wondered for a moment if this was it, I had already lost Conrad. What’s one more to add to this shit show of a summer?

“But I mean.. I guess I always knew. It was always there in the back of my head, you and Conrad. I could always see it in the way he looked at you.”

“Belly—”

“I just- always wanted that chance with him, you know? It was selfish, but sometimes I wished you weren’t here. You weren’t supposed to be. I don’t think that now though, you know I wouldn’t.”

Those words coming out of Belly’s mouth made me want to throw up but this is the closest we’ve been in a year so I can’t take this for granted. I lean over and squeeze her hand, “Belly, I’m sorry about this year. I wanna be close again, and Conrad never should’ve gotten in the way.”

“I guess I wouldn’t really wanna tell you if I had sex with him, so I get it.” I couldn’t tell if she was taking shots at me anymore or being nice but I smiled anyways. This was a new start, me and Belly. Boys or not, it was me and her through the long hall.

After we let go, the question that had been burning my body to ask finally arose, “So, Jeremiah?”

Belly’s cheeks turn a crimson red before stuffing her face with a muffin. “I don’t know, he’s.. it’s different. Conrad didn’t feel real, you know? But Jere is real, and it’s scary.”

To me, it was the exact opposite. Conrad felt very real, so real that my brain wants to explode when i’m next to him. He makes me forget everything and everyone and it’s just us in a world of bliss.

I pinch my arm, coming back to reality. I really have to stop thinking about Conrad.

—

A/N: Pain Pain Pain!! We good? You guys only 2-3 more chapters left I can’t my heartttt :(

tag list: @kkrenae @callsignwidow @drikawinchester @johannelis2302nely @allnrsnz @galaxy13sworld @paytonloiselle @i-think-you-are-gr8 @imaspecialpersonwhoneedshelp @awatt31 @user0440822 @jackierose902109 @chocolatefartstrawberry @whoisjellyellie @apollo3475

(tag list for some reason won’t tag some people)

[brokenjere]

seventeen going under (j.f) (part 16)

seventeen going under (j.f)

synopsis: jeremiah escorts yn to the deb ball

catch up here

Jeremiah’s POV

I didn’t intend for this to happen. Every part of me wanted to give her the space that she asked for but when she looked at me and said, “you could be. If you wanted to.” I felt my heart drop to my toes. I wanted to. I wanted to so badly. One thing led to the other so frantically, so drastically, like a house fire that kept spreading no matter how hard you tried to put it out. I didn’t want it to be put out. I wanted it to engulf my entire body and set me ablaze with her in my arms. 

My soul felt like it was on fire, everywhere she touched me ignited a flame inside that I did not know even existed. How could one person be so perfect? Every move I made, she responded as if it were second nature. As if we have done this every day for our entire lives. Everything was brand new but familiar, all at the same time. 

I have seen the way her hips curve, even without the protection of clothing. I have seen how they move as she walks, gets in and out of the pool, as she sits down and lounges in the chair. Of course I noticed. When she wasn’t looking at me, I was always looking at her. But now, being able to touch her unapologetically and without restraints, she feels new and it’s exciting and nerve wracking and beautiful all at once. 

She stared up at me, breathless. That look made me breathless all in itself. It was not the kissing, no matter how passionate, and it was not the feeling of her hands all over me: needy and impatient. It was that look. Her eyes. Her half grin. I kissed it away. 

The only thing that separated us was the thin fabric of our underwear and I wanted so badly to rip them off. This first time, it’s desperate and manic and I want to experience everything I possibly can as quickly as I can and I will savor her later. She seems to have the same thought as she grabbed at my boxers, ripping the band away from my waist. 

She looked up at me, doe eyed and sweaty. Barely out of breath she asked, “do you have a condom?” Fuck, did I? I tried to think as I rummaged through my side tables. She perched up on her elbows and watched me, catching her breath from all the kissing. I looked back at her. Nothing. “Oh.” Her lips were bright red from contact, plump from all the blood in her body rushing to the one spot. 

“Conrad has to have one, right?” Her face lit up bright red and I stood up, already putting my pants back on to go check. “I’ll just go ask him.” 

“So he knows we’re about to have sex?” She hadn’t whispered until this point, in fact, she wasn’t being particularly quiet at all. So this threw me off. 

“Who cares? It’s just Conrad.” I leaned down to kiss her. She hesitated to kiss me back but I could feel how badly she wanted to. “I’ll be right back. Do. Not. Move,” I warned. 

I snuck out of my bedroom, careful to not open the door too much and I slowly closed it behind me. I adjusted my pants, trying to forget the way she looked on my bed right now. Half naked. Full of neediness, desire, and wanting. Conrad’s light was on under his door, so I knew he was inside but I knocked anyway. He’s done it to me before, asking for a condom mid-fuck. He’s even gone as far as coming up from the basement half dressed and disheveled. When he pulled open the door, his eyes widened. “What have you gotten into?” He asked, amused once the disbelief settled. 

“I need a-“ I looked around to make sure Mom wasn’t lurking. Or any of the Conklins for that matter. “Condom,” I whispered. He laughed. Audibly and loud. I slammed my hand over his mouth. “Shut up,” I sneered. 

When his laughter subsided, I removed my hand and he gestured me inside. I followed him inside and shut the door behind me and he opened up his desk drawer and pulled out one small foil packet. When I reached for it, he snatched it back out of my reach. “What the hell, man?” I was growing irritable. Any more wasted seconds in this room and I might explode. 

“Just answer one question: is it Yn?” He didn’t seem like he was trying to make a jab, in fact, he seemed quite sincere. I got shitty anyway. 

“Why does it matter?” 

“Because.” His lack of an answer was more than enough for me. I knew why it mattered - he loved her, too. Maybe he had all along and I was too self indulgent in loving her, too that I didn’t notice. I noticed now. When his eyes darkened as he said her name and his back stiffened when I didn’t answer. 

“Yeah. It is. Can I have that so I can go back to her now?” I wouldn’t be cruel. I wouldn’t detail for him what was happening behind my bedroom door. His face fell but he handed me the condom anyway and I retreated back to my room. She was waiting for me, just as I had left her except her face was less flushed and she smoothed down her hair. 

I hold the condom between my fingers, flashing it at her. Without speaking, she grabbed at me and I was back on top of her within the second, kissing her like I had missed a lifetime worth of kisses. Because I had. I kick myself every time I think about how I could have been doing this with her for years and how I wished I had been her first kiss, her first this. Maybe I wasn’t even her first love. But I intended on being the last. 

+

YN’s POV

Every girl in the room was dressed in white. It was like we were all mail-order brides, being packaged by a team of hair and makeup artists until being shipped off to our final destination. A woman, Macy, I think, is tucking so many pins in my hair it’s starting to feel like I’m wearing a hat made out of metal. Belly was sitting next to me, adding blush to her cheeks. “She didn’t add enough,” she told me when I eyed her up suspiciously. 

 “Since when do you care about blush?” I asked. Another pin. Jab. Jab. Jab. “Ouch,” I said aloud, holding my hand to my scalp. Macy mumbled, I’m sorry, and jabbed me with another one. 

“This is the first time Cameron is seeing me really dressed up, I want to look nice.” 

“Is that the only reason?” I wondered. Conrad was out there, I’m sure. Waiting. I bet he looked really nice in a tuxedo that was perfectly tailored to his body. When Susannah heard the news of Jeremiah escorting me, she had a suit ready within minutes. I wondered if Conrad was wearing the one he wore when he escorted Nicole. 

Belly blushed naturally red, not the fake red she was applying on her cheeks, and stabbed the brush in the pan of product again. “Yes.” I let it go and looked back at myself in the mirror. Everything was done. I was in my dress, my hair was almost complete, and my makeup was so caked on it was almost like a mask but somehow, it looked natural. I wondered if Jeremiah would think I looked pretty. I looked like a different person. 

The morning after the volleyball tournament, my mom said it looked like I was glowing. I told her I did a face mask when I got home to help with any irritation my skin might have felt being in the sun all day but really, I think Jeremiah had brightened up every part of my life. My insides were glowing because of him. I had an entire universe inside of me that was turning on its axis, spinning so quickly that I felt out of orbit except for when I was with him. 

If we were inseparable before, I don’t think there would be a word for how attached we were now. I could barely sleep knowing he was only a few feet away, in the house next door. I knew he felt the same way because he tapped three times on my window and I jumped out of bed, opening it up. “You’re here,” I said breathlessly. 

“I can’t sleep,” he told me, entering the room without asking. I stepped aside to let him in. I thought he would just throw himself on the bed like he normally did, but he wrapped his arm around my lower back and pulled me to his chest. “I needed to see you.” He tilted my chin upward and kissed me. Soft and slow. 

“I wanted to see you, too,” I admitted. He laid on my bed, which now was mixed with his scent. It was oddly comforting being surrounded by the smell of him but I still struggled to sleep unless he was actually holding me. “How have we gone this long without this?” I asked him, absent minded. I never had a filter with Jeremiah. I never needed one. He always understood what I was trying to say, even if I didn’t understand it myself but now I felt like I could say anything I wanted. Loving him was my biggest secret. It was the biggest thing to be kept inside of me until it wasn’t anymore. One thing had to budge. One thing needed to surrender and I’m grateful it was this. 

“I have loved you since high school, you know,” he whispered. I looked up at him from my spot on his chest but he kept his eyes on the ceiling. “I have dreamt of this for as long as I can remember. I think you were always the one. Like God and his angels were making a soul and made too much and had to split it in two. Whatever that is, it’s inside of you and it’s inside of me. He sent us here together.” 

I didn’t believe in God and Jeremiah didn’t really either but his certainty of this fact made me certain, too. I don’t think I realized how dull the world around me was - how black and white and shades of grey surrounded me until I was with Jeremiah and everything was in shades of orange, yellow, and red. His kiss sent me into a sunset of forevers. 

Now, as I sat at the vanity, I can see where his lips had left their marks. My lips were plumper, my cheeks were brighter and if you looked really hard, right under the wire of the sweetheart neckline of my dress, you can see the black and blue bruise he left the other night. 

“Are you nervous?” Belly asked, picking up on my nervous habit of chewing on my bottom lip. I nodded in her direction and she flashed me an effortlessly beautiful smile. “It’ll be fine. Jeremiah’s got your back, you know that. Everyone will be down there cheering us on.” 

I knew she was right. I knew once I saw Jeremiah’s face, everything would feel right and whole and I’d forget I was standing in front of all of Cousins beach in this monstrosity of a dress, however beautiful it was certainly not my style. I knew once I saw Susannah clapping and watching me and her youngest son in awe and admiration, that I would be okay. Once I saw my own parents staring at me with pride, I’d be okay. 

I waited in line behind Belly. She was bouncing nervously on one foot as they announced the girl in front of her and I could see the tips of Jeremiah’s curls behind Cameron’s face. Just a few more moments, and it would all be worth it. As I stood there, I doubted every decision I had made to get me to this point. Agreeing to do it, agreeing to wear this dress, pushing myself to please Susannah for one last summer. But maybe if I hadn’t, it wouldn’t lead me to Jeremiah’s arm. Maybe, none of this would have happened and we would still be denying every single spark that was ever felt. 

When they announced Belly, she threw a crooked grin in my direction and squeezed my arm reassuringly with her newly manicured hand. It was so unlike her, all dressed up and excited about it. It was one of the things I liked most about her. Her inability to care about those things. She was who she was and she was proud of it. But seeing Jeremiah across the stage, his winning smile and perfectly smooth curls, I knew why she cared so much now. It was different when you were loved by someone. It was different when you loved someone. 

I could see the ballroom from where I hid behind the curtain. The stage was lit up with spotlights that were brighter than the freaking sun, making the entire audience look like black holes. The tables were spread out, each housing their own family rooting on their own girl. I could see mine, my parents, Susannah and Conrad, the Conklins. All smiling and waiting as Belly smiled wide toward the ballroom. 

As the announcer spoke, Belly and Cam descended down the stairs. Everyone watched them and clapped and whispered about how beautiful she looked. Before they reached the table with our entire family sitting at it, they said my name. Loud and clear. My stomach fell all the way to my toes and I almost froze until I caught eyes with Jeremiah. My feet moved toward him instinctively and I wrapped my arm around his extended one. “You look ravishing,” he whispered in my ear, careful not to take his eyes off our audience. I wanted so badly to peel mine away and look at him but Susannah warned us not to.

 I flash the smile she taught me to smile and said through my teeth, “you don’t look that bad yourself.” 

I heard him chuckle as we walked down the steps. I felt sturdy and safe with his arm around mine even though I was walking in heels way too tall for comfort. Just as I had thought, it was all worth it to see Susannah watching us with glee. It was all worth it to curtsy in front of my family and have Jeremiah smiling down at me as if he would never love a single thing more in his entire life. 

As they continued to announce other debutantes, we were expected to stand at the head of our tables and be subjected to everyone staring at us. Jeremiah kept whispering sweet jokes in my ear that made me laugh and I had to try and keep it together, shutting my mouth in a tight line. Susannah even shushed him once or twice. Once all the debs were announced, the room exploded with energy. The announcements were mundane and repetitive and everyone seemed on their best behavior, even the guests, but once the soft ballroom music started to play, everyone erupted into chatter. “Want to sit?” Jeremiah asked, holding out his hand and bowing as if I were his queen. 

I took his hand and he kissed my knuckles, bringing me around to the empty chairs between both of our parents. He held my hand out in the open, our symbol of togetherness on top of the clothed table for everyone to see. Nobody said anything, just eyed our hands suspiciously. Susannah leaned over and whispered something in Jeremiah’s ear that I couldn’t quite hear but he smiled wide and blushed, looking down at his lap. I squeezed his hand three times and he looked over at me. “She said she’s glad we’re finally together.” My heart swelled and I lifted our hands, kissing the back of his softly. 

“Me too.” His blue eyes sparkled and he seemed to relax into his chair like he was melting away with all his doubts that this wasn’t real. I was barely hanging on by a thread, petrified that one minute he would disappear into thin air and I think, maybe, he felt the same way. 

From across the table, Conrad pushed out of his chair. The feet made a horrific scratching noise against the polish hardwood floors of the ballroom and I watched as he turned away from the group, sauntering off into the hallway. “What’s wrong with Connie?” Susannah asked, seemingly directing the question toward us. I shrugged and stood up, dropping Jeremiah’s hand. 

“I’ll go talk to him,” I said. Jeremiah didn’t protest but I saw him stiffen up as I walked around the table. I had instant regret for leaving that table. A gut feeling that something was going to go terribly wrong and that i had decisively put a wedge between Jeremiah and I without even knowing it, but I had to follow him. My feet wouldn’t allow me to stand still. 

I pushed open the double doors that lead into the hallway. It was quiet out here, there was no music and no one talking so loud you could hear it from a few tables over. I didn’t see him, so I wandered down the hallway, peeking into every room until I saw him. Sitting on a couch in one of the rooms, his head in his hands. His hair was disbelieved and he wasn’t looking up. “Con?” It came out barely above a whisper. My voice was hoarse. He looked up at me. He was crying. “What’s wrong?” 

If I moved any faster, I’m sure I’d trip so I moved as fast as I could to sit next to him. I put my hand on his back, rubbing it in small circles like I had done many times before but his back was hot and shaking with his sadness. 

“My mom seems so happy, doesn’t she?” He asked, looking over at me. His eyes were rimmed red and wet, his cheeks flushed and his hair pushed so far out of his forehead it looked bigger than normal. But he looked like Conrad. 

“Yeah,” I said. “That’s not a bad thing, is it?” 

He shook his head but said, “it’s just hard to see her this happy knowing what’s coming. The summer is almost over. It’s all going to end.” 

“But it’s not over yet. You still have time.” Time for what, I didn’t know. There wasn’t really any time, was there? Soon, summer would be over. The air would turn crisp, the leaves on our street would start to turn orange and then die and fall off. Jeremiah would have to know. Susannah would have to tell everyone. And then Susannah would die. Maybe there wasn’t really any time at all to enjoy her as she was. 

“She asked me to take Belly to this thing, you know? Before she asked Cam. Before I asked you,” he revealed. I shook my head. I didn’t know that. I knew Susannah wanted Belly for Conrad. It was always Belly for Conrad and me for Jeremiah. “Her last dying wish was to see you girls in white with her boys.” 

“Why didn’t you ask her?” I swallowed everything I thought I knew and it sat in a cold, hard lump in my throat. 

“Because I told you, I wanted to ask you.” 

“But your mom-“ 

“She wanted to see her girls in white. Didn’t matter who. She just always assumed you’d be with Jeremiah,” he said, interrupting me mid-speak. His tone was harsh and to the point. There was no more beating around the bush. “I guess she was right.” 

“Why didn’t you just give her what she wanted?” I spat, meaner than I meant to. “Why make everything so complicated?” 

“I made things complicated?” He pointed his finger at his chest. His eyes went wide with disbelief and he actually let out a laugh. A real one. “Not me, Yn. You.”

His words stung, mostly because they were true. It was me that made things complicated. It was always simple before. Me and Jeremiah. Jeremiah and I. Two peas in a pod, bonded together since birth. There was never any room for anyone else. Not Elijah, not any of the girls Jeremiah had dated in the past. It was too cramped in our cacoon to allow anyone else to enter. Until it wasn’t. 

“You didn’t have to make it a thing,” I scowled. I felt my face scrunching up in pure defense. “You could have left it alone.” 

Conrad grabbed my hands tightly. He held them between our bodies like it was the umbilical cord of our relationship. Once it was severed, it would never hold that same intimacy that it once did. I didn’t move. “How could I have left that alone? Do you know what you’re asking me to do?” 

I no longer think his crying fit was about his mother. Maybe, in some ways, it was. But deep down, I think it was about seeing me with Jeremiah. It may have been Susannah’s dream but it was Conrad’s worst nightmare. “I’m asking you to let it go. I love Jeremiah. I always have and I always will.” 

His face fell and I wondered if I was being clear. If he had any confusion about what I was trying to say. He shook his head as if he was unsure. “You don’t get to have us both.” 

“I don’t want you both.” 

I don’t know if that was true. I think, for the most part, it was. I didn’t love Conrad the way I loved Jeremiah. It didn’t have the same sense of urgency. The same calming feeling that washed over me whenever he was around. With Conrad, I felt like a fire was lit inside of my stomach that made me nauseous every time that I breathed. It was an uncertainty that I wasn’t comfortable with. But that didn’t make it any less real. Conrad was real. He was sitting in front of me, now cupping my cheeks and staring into my eyes. “Don’t tell me you don’t feel this, too.” I had to swallow my words and shut my eyes to stop the tears from falling.

taglist: @things-that-make-sa-happy@marajillana@calpurnia2002@revemixer@harrysswhore@liltimmyst@chickunn-nuggett @rottenstyx @queenofthehellfireclub

[hrwinter]

You’re not sure what you remember about home. If you try, it might be blue skies and warm summer rain that you played in for hours. It might be your mother washing the mud out of your clothes, frowning and asking if it was really necessary for you to roll that completely in the dirt. You told her you were just doing what the dog did.

You had a dog, right?

You’re not really sure.

Because the other memories you have are not blue and green and the dirt brown of your knobby childhood knees. They’re grey and orange and crispy charcoal black. The market you visited where your parents would sometimes have hushed meetings behind shaky hands, it’s rubble. The wind that used to blow the fragrance of fresh peaches and citrus, it’s ash. The home you had is gone.

You remember a voyage, long, dark, and ripe with a putrid accumulation of smells. You remember getting to see the water a few times, opal blue and ever shifting. It was beautiful. But the ship crashed or was attacked, you don’t know, and then it was back to the oranges of fire, the reds of blood, and the screams of your parents you’d never find.

You washed up on shore alone.

Although, not quite alone.

That’s when you first saw her. The crow. You’re sure of that. She’d been there, pecking at the sand near your arm, the same one still clutching the cheap large plastic debris. It had saved your life. You looked over the edge of it, coughing salt water into the surf, and you saw her.

It was weird. She’d surprised you. You’d never seen a bird so big and black, you thought, and she shuffled from foot to foot, nervous. Was she hungry? Was she scared?

You don’t get a chance to find out before a man with large hands is swatting her away. She cawed angrily, reluctant to go, but she did, maybe to a nearby tree. He shook your shoulders then and asked you who you were.

“Kara,” your voice came out in a croak, not yours.

“Kara,” he says again.

The crow cawed.

It’s years before you put the patchwork pieces of your life back together, that you find out what happened to you. That a warmongering company, LuthorCorp, helped exacerbate the tensions in your region then exploited and profited from them by selling both sides weapons. But that doesn’t become relevant for a long time. For now, you’re an immigrant, and an immigrant is not a very good thing in this new country.

It could be worse. There are other kids who are not as lucky as you. Somehow having never set foot here, you have dual citizenship. Your mother was American. So, despite the government calling your parents insurgents and traitors, they don’t try to deport you. Or keep you locked in a cage. Instead, they put you in foster care.

It’s hard. It’s toiling. It takes you a long while to learn the language. You’re shy to talk because of it.

And you’re pretty. At least, people keep telling you that you are. You’re not sure what you see when you look in the mirror. The kind, clever blue eyes of your mother. The hard line of your father’s brow when he’d reprimand you for sneaking too many cookies.

But your prettiness doesn’t feel like a good thing. The other children resent you for it. And it brings you a different kind of attention, a kind that has you cowering from your foster mom’s drunk boyfriend, a kind that has your crow swooping in and attempting to peck out his eyes. She almost manages it, but when he swings, taking hold of her, you jump into the fray, too. You would’ve killed him if your foster mother hadn’t intervened.

That’s right, your crow has followed you here, has followed you through it all. She’s in the tree outside of the window when your foster mother returns you to the group facility for being ‘cruel and violent.’

You didn’t do anything. At least, you didn’t do anything you wouldn’t do again, a hundred times over.

“We’re better off here, anyway,” you tell the crow sitting with you during lunch recess.

“Why do you talk to that thing?” a boy asks you nearby, trapping a soccer ball with his foot.

“She’s my friend.”

“Friends can’t be birds.”

Yes, they can, you think.

“She doesn’t understand you,” he feels the need to add, certain.

But she does. You know she does.

---

You’re adopted into a new home not long after that. It’s different than the others. They’re called ‘Danvers.’ Eliza and Jeremiah, your adoptive parents, they’re kind and intelligent. They encourage your natural abilities in science and math. You’re starting to get A’s for the first time in your life, and you’re less reluctant to speak in class.

You still feel like an impostor. It doesn’t seem like a reality that’s meant for you. You were meant for the bottom of the sea.

“You have a right to be here,” Eliza tells you, but that’s not how your new sister acts.

Your crow has somehow inferred the antagonism between you. One afternoon she swoops in to steal a large portion of Alex’s sandwich and drops it on your plate.

“Hey!” Alex shouts after her, but the crow merely glares at her with dark black eyes, wings ruffling on your side of the picnic table.

“You did that on purpose.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

Alex looks between two of you, wary, parsing.

“How did you train it to do that, anyway?”

“…patience?” you improvise.

“You’re lying.”

The crow caws loudly, and Alex narrows her eyes.

“Whatever, I’m going inside.”

The crow watches her leave, and you soothe her ruffled feathers with a hand. The sheen of them always makes them seem oily, but they’re not at all. Her feathers are soft, and she preens a little under the touch. You gives her a nickel to play with. Maybe you’ll actually try to train her.

So, you make her puzzles. She seems somewhat competent in checkers. You read to her. Her favorite stories are fairy tales. Her favorite foods are unsalted peanuts, boiled eggs, shell and all. She likes apples too (you painstakingly removes the seeds, they’re bad for birds.) You feed her from the window. She sleeps in the tree there and follows you to school and back every single day. She watches you organize quarters for a state collection, nipping slightly at the plastic casing.

“I already gave you Iowa,” you tell her.

She clicks her beak back at you. Sometimes, she’ll steal your keys. You think she just likes things that you like, but you’re not sure. Alex says you’re projecting. Alex says you make up things that aren’t there, but honestly, Alex is a little mean.

Once on a fishing trip, the crow used bread to catch a fish, laying it before you all on the thick wood pier planks.

“That bird is smart,” Eliza comments, watching her chase away a hawk that seems a little too interested in the fish.

You’re proud. She’s fearless.

“Their brains are bigger than ours proportionally,” you reply with enthusiasm. You look to Alex. “See.”

“Her brain is bigger than yours,” Alex mumbles over her empty fishing line, and the crow dives down to nip at her.

“Hey!” Alex swats without making contact. The crow flies away again. “That crow doesn’t like me, I swear. She knows me.”

“Of course she does.”

“It’s meaner to me.”

“She’s a she, not an it,” you correct her.

“It’s not normal.”

“It’s perfectly normal for a crow,” you bicker with Alex. “They don't forget a face. They hold a grudge.”

“You sound like the Discovery Channel.”

“Well, it’s true. Did you know that they also mourn the dead? That they don’t migrate, staying in one place for most of their life?”

“So, you’re saying we’ll never get rid of it? Great.”

“She,” you correct her again testily. “And they can live to be 15 years old. So, yeah, you’re stuck.”

Alex quiets, and you’re thrilled to have won the argument.

But deep down inside, you’re willing to admit it’s a little weird, she’s a little weird. Crows are supposed to be social, and you’ve never seen her with any other crow. She only talks to you. She only follows you.

It would be crazy to think she wasn’t quite a crow, but something else, something more. Wouldn’t it? But you kind of do. You don’t admit it to anyone, but you do.

---

Graduation from high school is close, only days away. You’ve arranged everything for college, although not without a hulking amount of help from Eliza. She organized all of your scholarship forms, your applications, your dozens of essays. She kept you on track with projects and midterms and extracurriculars (you’re the captain of the Geology club, who knew!) And it’s all materialized into your acceptance at National City University. It’s only a couple of hours from Midvale, and you can’t wait for August.

Sometimes it’s crazy to think you’re going to college. A blonde, blue eyed girl who washed up on the beach one day like a sand dollar? You would’ve never put your money on her.

But here you are, walking a beach not that far from the one you arrived on, a big slate blue sky in front of you, wind whipping your hair. You think about the future; the new city, the potluck roommate, eighteen hours of classes in biomedical engineering.

“You’ll come with me to college, right?” you say to the crow perched on your shoulder, bobbing with every step you take.

The crow softly caws and nuzzles its head on your shoulder. It’s a rare form of her affection. Otherwise, her eyes are focused on the little crabs skittering in and out of the waves.

“I couldn’t have done it without you, you know,” you reach to bring the crow to your hand, her pointed claws clinging gracefully to two of your fingers. She looks back at you expectant and listening, canting her head to the side every now and again.

“We’ve never really talked about it,” you say as if it’s typical to apologize for conversations you haven’t had with your crow. “But you’ve always been there. You protected me.”

The crow flaps her wings a little. Is it pride? Joy?

“Thank you.”

You’re not sure what overtakes you then, but you do something you’ve never done before. Despite the fact that you’ve seen her roll around in ant piles, you lean forward and plant a little kiss on her feathered head.

Immediately, you know something has changed, that something is different. There’s a shimmer in the air in front of you, prismatic in color, and the crow flies away from you, landing, staggering in the sand. You chase after, but a crisp gust of wind blows sand into your eyes and you wobble, falling. When you scramble to your feet again, blinking and rubbing the grit out of your eyes, you don’t see your crow, but a girl with eyes as green as spring leaves, with hair as black as crow.

“You’re her,” you say as she sits up, looking confused, one armed draped across her middle.

“Yes,” the girl answers simply, shaping the word as if unfamiliar.

“You’re naked,” you announce.

“Yes.”

You strip your light jacket off, suddenly rushing to cover her. You rub her shoulders and she looks at you in that same, too intelligent way.

It is her.

You have no idea know what to say next. You just watched a bird transform into a human. It’s not real. You made it up. Maybe you passed out. You did eat a lot of cinnamon rolls right before this. You pinch yourself, but you don’t wake up. You’re still here on the windy beach, clutching a familiar creature in your arms.

In a panic, you fall back on the very first English you learned.

“I’m Kara,” you say. She sort of smiles as if that’s obvious. “What’s your name?”

She looks away, thinks hard. She has a strong jaw. Her skin is too white, like it’s never seen sun. Maybe not under the feathers? God, you think you’re going crazy.

“Lena.”

“Do you have parents, Lena?”

It’s a ridiculous question. She’s been with you for eleven years. But it’s a ridiculous situation.

“I—don’t remember. But I guess I do,” she says thoughtfully. Her voice has a raspy quality to it, not unlike her caw. “They probably think I’m dead.”

“What happened to you?”

She shakes her head again.

“I don’t remember,” then, “a curse, maybe. On my father. A woman came to our house that night. ‘A payment taken of your most prized possession’, she said. Something about an enemy loved.”

“A curse,” you repeat back. It makes sense. Even if nothing about this makes sense.

You shake your head, focusing on what’s important.

“Don’t worry,” you take her hand. Her palm is butter smooth. “Let’s go home.”

[notyourdayrdream]

Summer’s Almost Over (So Come Spend it with Me)

Day Twelve, Side A: Exacerbate

read it here on AO3!

Blaine Anderson’s never been lucky in love.

His first crush was in third grade on Jim Hawkins from Treasure Planet. Oh he’d almost burned the DVD out from watching it too much. His crush ended when his brother accidentally broke the disc and Blaine couldn’t watch the animated teen anymore. Plus, all of the other little boys were crushing on girls, ones that were real and not animated. Most importantly they were girls. So he put crushes on the backburner for a while.

His next crush was in seventh grade, on Joey Partmon. Joey was new from Texas, which may have well been a foreign country to him and the other private school kids Blaine went to school with. He was tanned under his school mandated uniform, with dark freckles and floppy red hair. Blaine loved his deep southern accent and the way he twirled his pencil around in his hand when he was bored. They weren’t close, Blaine wasn’t outgoing enough to say ‘hi,’ and Joey moved away that summer. But he did dream about kissing him on more than one occasion. That’s when he realized he was gay.

Freshman year’s candidate was Ryan Night.

He went to a public school then. He and Ryan were the only two boys in their choir, which already put a huge target on their backs, not to mention the fact they were both gay. Blaine still doesn’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse, but he was able to hide it. Ryan wasn’t as lucky. But it didn’t matter, they were friends, brought together by this horrible thing they had to deal with. The whole situation turned into something beautiful. So when Blaine asked Ryan to homecoming, he expected everything to go fine.

He’d be proved wrong, of course. So he took a break from crushing for a little while. In fact, he took a break on everything, for about a year.

Everything was different when he came to Dalton. The kids, the students, the zero tolerance bullying policy. It all kept him safe. So he joined the Warblers and became their leading man, not because he was gay or straight, but because he was good. They kind of idolized him, and he suddenly had this giant group of friends. That’s when he met Jeremiah.

Maybe it was because he was finally out and proud, but his crush on Jeremiah felt so different. It was almost like love. He was older and wiser than Blaine, and so so cute. And as the days ticked on and the boy was all he could think about, he decided he had to do something, and he had to do something big.

Safe to say that totally backfired. Blaine promised himself to never let a crush get that serious again, not until he was sure. And that plan had worked, until now. Because he met Kurt Hummel.

They actually met at NYADA, at a Midnight Madness competition.

Blaine had been dragged there by his friend Leslie, who wasn’t actually a singer but a dancer, she just liked drama. So he went, dressed in sweatpants and a Dalton hoodie, and sat in the back. The whole place was honestly just a giant fire hazard, and the heat from the candles was making him sweaty. They were waiting on someone apparently. Rachel Berry, the senior who had won last year. Blaine knew she had a reputation of being a diva, but good Lord she was taking forever. The crowd of theatre geeks was becoming antsy.

“Wait!” The door opened and shut in a swift motion, blowing out a few candles by the entrance. The young man’s chest heaved, like he had just run all this way. “Rachel’s out sick. But I’m here, I’ll do it in her place. The dim light blocked out most of his face, but Blaine could see the outline of him; slim and tall with a smile that lit up the room. Was it weird to be attracted to a shadow?

The moderator nodded. “That’s fine, Kurt, we just need someone to challenge you,” he said. Kurt stepped into the ring in the center of the room and took Blaine’s breath away.

It had to be illegal to look this good at twelve in the morning. Whereas everyone else was dressed in casual clothes and pajamas, Kurt wore tight jeans and a cream sweater so soft Blaine wanted to reach out and touch it. His pale skin was painted tan from the candlelight and his hair stood so high and perfectly coiffed on his head Blaine was sure it must have taken hours to fix.

“I’ll do it,” Blaine offered, cringing at himself when every pair of eyes turned to him. He could have smacked himself in the forehead. He didn’t come here to compete, he didn’t even come for the drama. He was going to horribly embarrass himself and be forced to switch careers. Slowly and on shaky legs, he made his way to the center of the room.

Kurt smirked and said, “You’re going down.” But his eyes were gleaming with mischief. Blaine almost smiled himself, but the moderator whispered that Kurt will go first and Blaine could sit back down. The song is announced, or whisper-yelled, to be “On My Own” from Les Mis.

The music started and Kurt took a moment to close his eyes, drinking in the silence before performing. And then he sings. He floated atop the song like a leaf across water, dipping in and swirling through the melody. He sounded like he might cry, and Blaine felt a tear threatening to slip out of his eye. That’s when he knew he wouldn't win. Emotional ballads had never been his thing. And when only fifteen people gathered on his side of the room and waved their hands in silent applause, he didn’t care.

“Hey, Blaine is it?” Kurt asked when Midnight Madness had ended and students poured out the doors and back home or to bars. Blaine’s eyes went wide. Leslie spotted his fear and left without him, blonde braids swishing behind her. He was going to kill here.

“Yeah,” he replied, breathily as he turned around and finally got a good look at Kurt’s eyes. Icy blue and gorgeous, Blaine felt stripped down under his gaze. “You were really amazing, I mean obviously since you won but…”

Kurt bit his lip to hide his smile, and Blaine guilty pocketed the moment for a later time. “Thanks, but you were great too. I couldn’t imagine being a freshman and being able to sing like that.”

“Ah, I’m actually in my third year,” Blaine said, rubbing at the back of his neck. It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t do too many extracurriculars at NYADA, not any he imagined Kurt would also be a part of.

“Oh! I’m so sorry,” Kurt apologized, face flushing pink. “Um, I was wondering if you wanted—”

“I should go,” Blaine interrupted, feeling more and more embarrassed as this whole ordeal went on. He honestly just wanted to go home and forget the whole thing even happened.

Kurt actually looked a bit upset for a brief second, but he caught himself quickly and went back to his bright smile. Props of being an actor. “Right, well, it was nice meeting you, Blaine.” He nodded and walked off and out of the glass double doors.

This time, Blaine did smack himself on the forehead. He was so stupid. Kurt was going to ask him out, wasn’t he? Or at least for coffee, everybody drinks coffee super late. He trudged out of the doors and down to the subway, trying his best to not think of himself as a total screw up when it came to love. But he did check Kurt’s Instagram on the ride home. Just to look.

“I’m going out! It’s my grandmother’s birthday and she misses me,” Leslie said even though Blaine already knew she was leaving. The red party dress he helped pick out popped against her dark skin.

He closed his journal and glanced at his roommate.“Tell her ‘happy birthday’ for me!” Leslie just kissed his cheek in response and shut the door behind her, leaving Blaine alone for another quiet evening.

It was finally summer, another year of college completed. Blaine had decided to stay in the city instead of going back home like a lot of students did. Not that he didn’t enjoy Ohio or his parents, he just didn’t feel like the cold small talk that would follow him the entire summer. The only thing he missed was the weather. It was a scorching summer this year in New York City, and Blaine had always preferred the cooler months. The whole city felt as though it had been placed in a boiling pot, and Blaine and Leslie spent most of their days inside at work or avoiding the heat. Their nights were spent partying on Leslie’s part, or curling up to watch a movie for Blaine.

If he were being honest with himself, he had no idea what he was going to do after college. Being a Broadway actor was no guarantee, if he would even make it there. He had heard of graduates from NYADA, bright eyed and filled with dreams, fizzle out like burning stars and end up in jobs that they didn’t even major in. Blaine couldn’t end up like that, he’d be proving his dad right.

So he had a moleskine journal filled with songs. The kind of music he sang in the shower. Poppy love ballads and short and brash breakup songs, even though he had never been broken up with before. The other people who had ever heard them were Leslie and Will, an ex-fling who he had mistakenly let get closer than he should have.

A set of sharp knocks at the door snapped him out of his thoughts.

“You have keys, Les!” Blaine yelled but got up anyway. She probably forgot her keys. The knocking didn’t stop until Blaine swung the door open, gaping at the sight.

“Hi,” Kurt gasped, looking just as surprised as Blaine probably did. His hair was dripping wet, and he had...shower shoes on?

“Are you okay?” Blaine asked. “How do you know where I live?” He ushered Kurt inside.

“I don’t, and I am,” Kurt said, running a hand through his hair. “I saw Leslie leave and asked if she could help me and she said her roommate was home? I didn’t know you two lived together…” He glanced around their living room.

“Oh, we’re not dating, I’m gay.” Kurt’s eyebrows knitted together, that wasn’t what he was asking at all. What was it about this guy that turned Blaine into a complete idiot?

“Um, what did you need help with?”

“My shower isn’t working, and I have a date in an hour,” Kurt groaned. Blaine tried to make his heart stop freaking out at the mention of a date. They hadn’t spoken beyond Midnight Madness, save a nod in the hallways on the off chance they passed each other. “Can I use yours, please?” He pouted and poked his lip out, as if Blaine wouldn’t have said yes before.

He gulped. “Yeah, yeah. Of course.” He squeaked despite his best efforts and led Kurt to his bathroom. At least he didn’t have to worry about it being dirty. Leslie was a bit flighty, but they both shared their germaphobe tendencies.

“You just turn the water on like this.” Blaine twisted the knob left then right until it clicked to get the water to the hottest setting. When he turned back around, Kurt had already taken his shirt off. Blaine’s mouth went dry. When his biceps flexed when he moved to unbutton his pants, Blaine covered his eyes and shut the door as fast as he could, not wanting to further exacerbate the situation.

He was almost at his room, ready to bury his head into his pillow and just scream, when Kurt knocked on the bathroom door and said, “Stay?” So soft and barely loud enough over the rushing water that Blane just had to stay.

“I’m here,” he smiled and slid down the other side of the door until he was sitting. “What’s up with your date?” he asked, trying not to sound so bitter.

Water splashes the ground and Kurt yells through the door, “Oh, some guy kept asking me out, for like months. And I eventually just said yes.” Blaine heard a groan from inside the bathroom, and ignored the way all the blood rushed to his face. And other places.

“Do you even want to go out with him?” He didn’t mean to be nosey, truly. But the way Kurt described him, the guy kind of sounded like a dick.

It was a moment before Kurt responded. “I guess. It’s been a while since I’ve been on a date, so…” There was a soft click and the water stopped pouring.

“I get that. I’ve actually never had a boyfriend before, so the only dates I’ve had are usually followed by a messy hookup,” Blaine said. He didn’t know what it was about the whole ordeal that made him want to spill all of his secrets out. His head eventually caught up to what he said though. “Sorry, that was inappropriate.”

“Come in here.”

Blaine shook his head from the narrow hallway. “No, no it’s, that’s–”

“Blaine. Come inside.” Kurt’s voice was deep and stern, but when the door opened, he was laughing softly. Blaine thanked God he was dressed, because he was totally prepared to faint if he wasn’t.

“I have a deal for you,” Kurt said, drying his hair with a towel. “If my date goes terrible, I’ll call you. If it goes well, I’ll still call you.” He grinned and handed Blaine his phone.

It was crazy how contagious his smile was. Blaine felt his lips tug upwards as he typed a smiley face next to his name. “What’s in it for you?”

Kurt rolled his eyes with that same smile on his face and took his phone back. “Getting to hear your voice, or course.” He squeezed past Blaine, who’s limbs had temporarily planted into the floor. “Thanks for the shower, Blaine.” He winked, freaking winked, and Blaine heard the door shut softly behind him.

He smiled alone to himself in his foggy bathroom and turned his ringer all the way up.

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Request: Double Act (The Valeska twins x Reader)

"You and I both know I never say no to Jerome. He does what he wants to do. It's the only way I don't get hurt. " You crossed your arms turning away to see Jerome's wide split smile. "Well that just ain't good enough anymore, (Y/N)." Harley crossed her arms. "Your lil' boyfriend is going to get hurt if he keeps coming after my puddin'!" You froze, turning back to Harley and even sparing a glance behind her to see Jeremiah. "If you ever threaten him again. I'll make sure you can't even say the word 'pudding'. Got me? Do you understand?" "Jeremiah ain't gonna be so generous as I am to give you the warnin'!" Harley huffed. "You’re lucky he's allowing this." "Jeremiah is letting you because he doesn't give a damn about you." You scoffed. Harley cracked a smile. "Because Jerome is any different?" Your eyes narrowed on her before you began to walk away. 

Harley laughed and you turned to look at her. "Remember what I said because let's not forget. I pushed you down the stairs once and you almost didn't walk again. I can easily do it again and this time, I'll make sure it's a show show for Jerome and Jeremiah and then I'll finish the job." You knew both Jerome and Jeremiah were up to something since they both stood at a distance, opposite ends of the car dump and even left. 

"You're fun when you’re riled up." Jerome said. "What can I say? you're rubbing off on me sweetie." Jerome cackled. "I'll take the credit- but you've always had that in you. That's why you have my attention." You smiled looking at Jerome. "I'll admit, I may have exaggerated a little bit, just for you. After all, you're the star of the show, every little detail counts to build up for the real thing." Jerome hummed, enjoying every word. "For me? You're too kind." "You're gonna get him, Jerome. I know you will. It's my job to set the stage for your grand performance. It'll be legendary." Jerome pulled you in by the neck giving you a deep kiss before cackling.  You loved Jerome, even if he scared you. You knew a little bit more on how to handle him. However you couldn't say the same for his brother Jeremiah, who just couldn't forget you even after Jerome's death.

Jeremiah refused to allow you any personal space and had insisted he see you with his gun of course. He had a proposition for you. His grand plan. "Why not Harley? Why are you so interested in me?" You asked. "You were always the smarter one. You were always the one that was more fun and Jerome got you first, but he's not here anymore." Jeremiah grinned. "You know, Harley would tell me all about you and she never really got that she immediately sold you off as the better twin. You always had an extreme streak didn't you?" You stayed quiet as Jeremiah circled you. "You were always the more calculating one. You were the one who was violent. You knew exactly how to play my brother like a fiddle!" He pulled you into his side, his gun pressing against the underside of your jaw. "Do you remember what you used to call me? Way before your sister was ever in the picture?" He grinned waiting for you to respond. "A joker." You responded. "Yes, well, I like that. I like that a lot. So I think, we're gonna get outta Gotham, Jeremiah is no more! Jerome? Who's he? But-!" He sang. "There is still Harley!" You frowned. "Harley died. You shot her." You said quietly and Jeremiah roared in laughter. "Oh catch up (Y/N)! I've upgraded! Sweet Harleen is nothing but an echo now!" He laughed with glee at his own irony. "But Harley? Harley will be reborn. You will be my Harley, and I will be your Joker." Jeremiah grinned. "We'll make a great come back! I'll be the clown Prince of Crime!" You thought for a moment. He was asking you to replace Harley, forget the name Ecco that Harley made for herself and take over where she left off. "Harley Quinzel...Harley Quinn?" Jeremiah grinned. "Now you're getting it." You thought for another moment before looking up at him with more certainty. "What do you need me to do?"

 It hit the papers fast, the deaths of both Jeremiah Valeska and (Y/N) Quinzel. You and the Joker stayed in hiding for a very long time. Until he seemed it was time for his return. When he was eventually taken to Arkham, that was when your time had come. 

"So you're the new doctor right? Prepare yourself, you've got a big case. It's the Joker." You nodded. "I can handle him." Your boss looked at you unconvinced but continued. "Alright, what's your name again?" "My name's Harleen. Harleen Quinzel." No one ever speculated you had already met the clown prince of crime when you were teenagers. No one knew the Joker was Jeremiah Valeska and no one knew that you had taken your dead sisters identity and would soon be known as the infamous Harley Quinn.

[vampiricmycelium]

We Won’t Die Old Together | Chapter Eight

Things were not working out.

That was not to say that things weren’t going well, just that there was a tension in the air. After Aleister’s encounter with Reverie and the memories that Jeremiah was mulling over, it was difficult not to think about it when they were together. 

It felt like if it was not one thing, then it was another. The bond between them had caused problems and now Reverie’s reappearance was a new rift. It was all the same thing in the end, their shared past, still mostly unknown. Aleister almost relented a few times to Jeremiah’s desire to just witness it all, but he remained firm in his feelings. It was too dangerous. Too much of an unknown. Underneath his dismissive responses lied a fear that he had not said. That by doing this, they could accidentally make the bond stronger. If that happened, would there be any chance of severing it when the time came?

A paranoid thought of maybe that was exactly what Jeremiah wanted came and went. Unless either were fully open with the other, there was no way to know for sure. 

The two of them were currently in Tallis’s office, on either side, mostly lost in their own thoughts  as Tallis finished writing something up. Their eyes went from one of them to the other. 

“You do know I’m a private investigator not a therapist right?” The glare on both of their faces was enough to cause them to grin. It was fun to try and get under their skin. “I’m just saying. You both seem to be quite troubled. I’m sure Reverie is delighted.”

“Why do you say that?” 

“Because she wants to drive a rift between the two of you. You’re just giving her what she wants.” Tallis slid out from behind the desk to approach Aleister, although their gaze lingered on Jeremiah. Aleister was sitting on the couch in the office and Tallis sat down right next to him, giving him no personal space. They placed an arm around his shoulders, eyes still fixed on Jeremiah. He knew exactly what they were doing and ignored the attempts at ruffling him up. “Unless it’s what you want as well. You know you don’t need to stay together if this is causing problems, right? I don’t think I’ll ever understand people in love.” 

Aleister shrugged off their arm, but did not move away from Tallis. He had become all too familiar with their antics and really even if they were toying with him, the attention felt nice. Tallis was rather good at manipulating people. 

“What can we do against her? What did you manage to find? That is why you called us both here, right?” Jeremiah gave Tallis a look. They grinned back at him, slinking from the couch over to where he leaned against the wall. Just like with Alesiter, despite the height distance between the two of them, there was something about Tallis’s demeanor that made it feel like they were taller. 

“Of course. Why else would I have asked you to come?” Tallis brought a hand up to touch Jeremiah’s face, that same hungry look in their eyes, but this seemed to be far more mocking than actual desire. Jeremiah shifted uncomfortably and removed their hand by force. Tallis laughed but returned to their desk. “As you are both already well aware of Reverie is in Saint Fleur. She returned about a week ago. She sent me on a wild goose chase, but in doing so, I learned several things. One, while she might not hold a lot of power, she is very crafty. Very good at manipulating people. Even if you didn’t already have ties to her, I’m sure she would have figured out some way to worm herself into your minds. Although, I doubt she might have reason to do it then. This whole affair is because she already knows you.”

“Because she’s in love with me,” Jeremiah stated from where he stood. Tallis nodded. 

“Yes. Because for some reason she has joined the number of people who find you interesting. I cannot say I understand, but that’s not what I’m getting paid for.” Tallis laughed at the look on Aleister’s face. “Don’t act like you’re not strange for it, Ali.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Hm.” Tallis cleared their throat. “Two, well we already talked about it. She is, for some reason, enamored with Jeremiah. While she kickstarted things between the two of you with his car accident, she also seems inclined to tear your relationship apart. I do think she is willing to escalate things even more than she already has. To her this is more of a game with Jeremiah as the prize. I also believe that she would not mind if he died, as long as Aleister also dies. So caution is important.” 

“You think she’d be willing to kill us both?”

“Reverie strikes me as the type who is ‘If I can’t have him, then nobody can’ so yes, I do think she would kill the pair of you. Which is fairly simple. Murder one of you, the other dies. I can’t imagine she’d be willing to give up the information on how to break your bond so easily.” Tallis looked directly at Jeremiah as they spoke their next statement, “Unless Jeremiah will give himself willingly to her.”

“Not happening. Possessive, murderous Faes aren’t my type.” 

Tallis bit back a comment on what his type might be then. 

“So we have some options if you want to continue using my service. I feel like even if you didn’t, I’ll still be involved. So I would prefer to keep in touch. I don’t want a murderous fae to kill me.” Tallis paused, considering the statement they just made. “Okay, so maybe I would but not in this particular way.” 

“And you judge me on my type,” Jeremiah muttered. “What are your options and is killing Reverie one of them?”

“Yes it is, but don’t forget. You need her if you want to break your bond. Unless you know of another way in which to gain that information or you plan to get real experimental. I’m no wizard, but I don’t think messing around with that kind of magic would end well.” 

“No. It would not,” Aleister agreed. Things could get a lot worse for them if they went about this the wrong way. “But. It’s not the only way to gain the information we need.”

“Oh so you’re finally on my side, is that it? You’re willing to give it a try?”

“No, I’m just saying that it’s on the table if we need to use it. As a last resort.”

“I said this before, but if you’re going to fight could you please do it elsewhere. Not that it’s not entertaining, but I have other clients I’m working on cases for.” Tallis cleared their throat. “Yes, murder Reverie is an option. But I do think that if we manage to take her captive, she could be forced to give you the information. That or finding out what it was. There has to be records of it or things like it.” Tallis tapped their fingers against their desk, although as if they did not want to say their thoughts. 

“Anyways. I can figure out where she’s staying so that you can do what you want with her. Just remember that you are still paying for me.” 

“How could we forget? I mean is sleeping with Aleister not enough to make us pay less for your services?”

Tallis smirked, looking directly at Aleister when they spoke. “I mean it would if we were actually sleeping together. But that remains to be something that is not happening.” Tallis then looked over at Jeremiah, the smirk turning into a gleeful grin. “Why are you so sure we’re sleeping together? Aleister not giving you enough you think he’s out-”

“Tallis.”

Tallis raised their hands, not hiding the satisfied expression on their face. Jeremiah and Aleister both didn’t enjoy how much they enjoyed messing with them both. Jeremiah had no real idea why Aleister chose to actually spend time with Tallis, especially if what they said was true about them not having sex. It seemed to be incredibly likely and something was preventing that. If Jeremiah had to gamble a guess, he figured Tallis was just enjoying tormenting Aleister and for some reason he hadn’t completely tossed them aside for it. 

But it wasn’t his business. They kept their noses out of each other’s romantic and sexual affairs. Not that either of them had those outside of two specific people but still. 

“Well if that’s everything you can go now. I’ll be in touch once I figure out where Reverie might be hiding and you two can decide you want to do with that information.”

Both men nodded at Tallis and stood to leave. As they exited the office, they both heard Tallis call out, “And be sure to make up now! Make up sex is some of the best!”

Jeremiah turned to give Aleister a look. 

“What?”

“Why do you associate with them? They’re obnoxious.”

“I chose to associate with you,” Aleister bite back. He didn’t look pleased. Perhaps his relationship with Tallis was starting to become a problem. What wasn’t becoming a problem? Jeremiah reached out and took Aleister’s hand. He flinched for a moment before remembering that it had to be the same hand that the scars are on. 

“We should do something tonight.”

“Are you taking Tallis’s advice?”

“If you don’t want to then we don’t have to.” Jeremiah moved to pull his hand away but Aleister’s grip tightened. 

“No. I’d.. like that too.”

“Good.”

There was minutes of silence as they exited the building and returned to the car but Jeremiah spoke up first. “What do you think we should do?”

“I don’t want to kill her. We need her to get the information we need.”

“We don’t need her.”

“Yes we do.”

“What are you so afraid of? Just tell me that you don’t-”

“I am tired of explaining that it’s not so simple-”

A car honked their horn as the car swerved a little too much to the left. The two of them fell silent once more. The same argument, the same reasons. The tension in the car was overwhelming and Jeremiah almost wanted to change his mind. Kick Aleister out of the car. He was getting frustrated with him not even considering trying. It couldn’t be as bad as he feared. Perhaps he just wanted to get free of him as soon as possible. Fine. Fine. Like any of this really mattered. They were just playing at being a couple, weren’t they? Strings tied too tightly around them, it was easier to give in than to struggle against it and get all cut up. His mind was starting to spin out of control with these thoughts, only stopped by a hand on his. 

“Jeremiah you’re going to drive us into traffic if you don’t focus.”

“I’m focused.”

“No you’re not.”

“Just shut up Aleister.”

“You know you got some real carrot and stick approach where you beat me with the stick as soon as you offer the carrot.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Just focus on the road!”

“I said I am!”

Jeremiah nearly swerved into an oncoming car, again, and Aleister leaned over to jerk the steering wheel the other direction. This caused Jeremiah to nearly elbow him in the face. There was a flurry of motion before Jeremiah just pulled over to the side of the road. Silence fell over the scene as the two of them just sat there, a little out of breath. The only noise was the traffic that was going by on one side and the people on the sidewalk on the other.

“They’re right.”

“Shut up.”

“They’re right and you know it.” Aleister sighed. “It’s exactly what Reverie wants.”

“And what do you want?”

Aleister didn’t reply. Jeremiah refused to look at him, still angry. There really wasn’t any reason to be as angry as he was currently with Aleister. This whole thing was just one mess and neither of them were truly happy with it. 

“Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“No, of course not.”

“Get out of my car. You try to convince me it was a good idea to start dating, you wanted this, and now you’re telling me it’s not what you wanted at all. Just get out of here.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t want any part of this. You wanted to be with me as much as I wanted it. Unless it’s all been a show up until now. Is that what you’re telling me? Oh Aleister’s so pathetic, I’ll just fuck him out of pity!” 

“Yes. Sure! That’s all it has been. I’ve just been going along with it so you would just shut up. I couldn’t take your whining.” 

Jeremiah felt the fist connect with his face, hard enough that his teeth clenched. He could hear Aleister swear, forgetting in the heat of the moment that he would feel the pain. It was worth it. It was worth it just to shut Jeremiah up. He opened the car door and exited with another word, not even slamming it back shut. Jeremiah leaned back in the seat of his car, touching his cheek gingerly. It was going to bruise. He slammed his hands against the wheel, swearing himself. It wasn’t supposed to go like that but was he even surprised? Tensions had been rising for a while now and this wasn’t even them boiling over. No, he figured that would be much worse. 

There was no point in trying to apologize now or get in contact. He assumed that Aleister would ignore any attempts. They just had to both cool down. He was right. Reverie was probably enjoying herself right now. Pleased at them tearing each other apart. It made him sick to think about. That his relationships were on display for a sadistic audience. 

He started to drive again. Not really caring about a destination. He just wanted to go. He had been driving for another ten or so minutes before something happened. He didn’t see anything nor feel anything but suddenly in his ear he could hear in a feminine voice, “Hey Lenny.” He stopped suddenly much to the annoyance of the person behind him. He looked around but there was no one. Someone giggled, high-pitched. Like a child laughing at him. No one was there. 

“Now, now Lenny. Let’s calm down. I’d hate for you to do my work for me.”

“Reverie get the fuck out of my head!”

“Oh come on now. Where are your manners? Ask politely.”

“Fuck you.”

“So vulgar. So aggressive. I can see why Ali punched you. Hard to see why anyone wants to be around you. You’re so awful to the people you care about. He should have done worse.”

“Then why are you so obsessed with me? If I’m so terrible.”

There was no reason but another giggle. He was losing his patience again. If he even got it back. Suddenly a woman was at the door of his car and flung it open. He was pulled from it, unable to stop whoever it was. They were too strong. Jeremiah was thrown onto his back, feeling the pavement hard behind him. Someone stomped on his midsection before he could regain his bearings and he let out a cry. 

Finally getting the opportunity to look to see his attacker, there was a young woman standing in the middle of a bizarrely empty road. No girl. No. No woman. She seemed to flicker between ages, between states of being. Jeremiah felt like he was losing his grip on reality but her long, flowing blonde hair told him who this was. 

“Why are you attacking me?”

“You need to be punished.” 

She came towards him. Jeremiah had time to stand back up but not quick enough to do anything else. She jabbed upward and connected with his nose, breaking it under the weight of the hit.

Jeremiah could feel blood trickle down from his nose, the pain of the break making him stumble. He wiped his face, ignoring the bright scarlet that stained his sleeve. In his pocket his cell phone buzzed. 

Aleister.

He could feel the pain echoed, unsure of what was happening. Concerned? Perhaps. Jeremiah wanted to believe it was for both of them and not just himself. 

Jeremiah didn’t pick up the phone. Instead, he drew his gun, only to feel pain explode in his shoulder from an unknown source. 

Aleister.

This was turning into a mess.

“What do you want?!”

“I told you what I want. It’s all very simple Leonard. It’s not like it matters right? You want answers so you can be free and I want you.”

“I’m not trading one freedom to be trapped in something else.”

“A shame we can’t reach an understanding.”

Jeremiah shot at her. Until he emptied his gun. Once he had finished he could see that Reverie was gone just as suddenly as she had appeared. He didn’t think this would be the end of it, but she seemed satisfied maybe with the extent of the injuries. He collapsed to the ground, exhausted. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Just all of it. This was getting to the point that he didn’t even know what to do anymore. His phone buzzed again. Aleister. 

“What? You better be about to be murdered.”

“Unluckily for you, I was able to escape. I’m at your apartment.” Aleister said the second part after a moment paused. He didn’t sound at all happy about it. “I didn’t mean to end up here, but I did.”

“Fine. I’ll be right there. Don’t break any of my things before I get back.”

“No promises.”

Jeremiah hung up the phone. He wasn’t sure what he was going to with Aleister once he returned. Throw him out. Let him stay. He figured Aleister didn’t know either. It had only been twenty minutes since their fight. Not long enough for either of them to want to see the other, but maybe they didn’t have a choice. It really felt that way these days. He sighed and returned to his car. He drove for another hour, far too long to really have an excuse. He didn’t try. He ignored Aleister’s presence in his home. The two of them aware of the other, but neither acknowledge it. 

Tomorrow would be full of new problems. But for now, they ignored the current ones.

[darkestwolfx]

Chain of Command - Re-Review #23

“How quickly can we stablise that bridge?”

“Faster than you can say ‘Thunderbirds are go’.”

“Thunderbirds are go.”

“Ok, maybe I was exaggerating a little.”

So... Firstly I thought you would all appreciate Scott popping up like that in your feed! Secondly though, that didn’t exactly go to plan... I mean, there’s meant to be a bridge and the bridge kinda tumbles, and with that we have our first known failed (I use that word lightly because the only thing lost was something which can be rebuilt) rescue and our episode!

“Head’s up!”

“Heads up? Thunderbird Two, how about duck?”

“Duck!”

“This may not be as bad as it looks.”

“Really?”

I’ll admit I was a little worried about Scott falling... and I just want to say that that was a very mean place in which to insert the opening credits!

“Scott, head’s up.”

“Don’t you mean duck?”

“Not this time.”

P.S. Thunderbird One has a Protocol Alpha in case of emergency? That is just so cool!

“It’s settling. All structures do.”

“Oh no.”

“It times like this I’m glad I’m up here.”

Yeah, I’m with you John.

So Colonel Casey (right) has always played a big part in the Thunderbirds story (for playing a very little part in the actual series). Colonel Casey’s only televised appearance (prior to TAG) was in the TOS episode ‘The Edge of Impact’. In this episode we are told that he knows nothing of IR’s operations. However we later learn in ‘The Imposters’ that Jeremiah Tuttle (left) does know, and is even an Agent like Lady Penelope! This always struck me as odd, as in the TV series (1965), Casey is described as being one of Jeff’s best, long-term friends from when they both worked with the World Space Association. In the comics and cards that were released also in 1965, they adapted this, and implied Tim and Jeff met when they were young and then ended up re-meeting due to both working at WSA. Whichever you take as your gospel, both versions imply long term connection.

With all that in mind, and with him knowing the boys so well, it did always miff me as to why he wasn’t brought in on it. It does make more sense to have her involved in TAG. In TOS we had Tim, in TAG we have... they never said, so take your pick.

And enter Janus. Now, Janus originated in Ancient Roman Religion&Myth. In many ways, he’s like Hades (Greek Myth) - a keeper of gates, except the Roman’s didn’t associate him with ‘death’ as such, rather beginnings and endings or transitions. They also associated him with time (like Pluto), but in many ways he was imagined more like Mars (War). Images of him show him having two faces.

Janus was later associated with the Devil through the Witch Trials, believed to be a Witches God (but later proven as a male Priest dressed in a double faced mask). In the original saying of people being ‘two faced’, it was to imply they were like Janus, looking backwards and forwards, thus playing the field. So whether you want to think of him like Pluto, manipulating time, or like Mars, inciting war, or like Hades, seeking death, or just the two-faced keeper of pathways - ultimately it is undeniable that Janus is manipulative.

Exactly like this man, who doesn’t only manipulate the field during the episode, but is actually being manipulated himself by none other than The Hood.Talk about two faced, right?

P.S. Anyone else think these two were made to be at loggerheads with each other? I mean, look at those expressions!

“International Rescue has been answering to no-one for too long.”

“That’s the way we like it.”

“From now on we have to get the GDF permission to deploy. We’ve been grounded!”

“Scott, you haven’t technically been grounded. You just have to ask Colonel Janus for permission.”

Um... Lady Penelope, in his mind, they are the same thing.

The cross-talk is still perfection on this show too.

“That little control freak wants to get ‘is teeth hinto heverything.”

“Parker’s right. We can’t let Janus do this to us!”

“hI wasn’t talking habout the Colonel.”

But really Scott’s annoyance at being grounded! Heck, I can imagine he might have been one hell of a child to manage at times.

“I’ve got this.”

“Don’t forget to get permission.”

The little silence here just said it all. Alan isn’t helping the situation and scott better not do it because the conversation would turn into an argument.

“I’ll take care of that.”

Another good call, John.

“Permission denied? How can they do that!”

“Scott, you need to turn around. We really have been grounded.”

Maybe not the best thing to have to say to Scott though...

“Will ‘is Majesty be joining hus, M’Lady?”

Parker carrying Sherbet on his arm and under that umbrella was priceless! i love how the dog got the umbrella and not Lady Penelope!

“Soon to be the world’s tallest city.”

“Or the word’s shortest.”

“Call the Principal’s office and secure us a hall pass.”

“Way ahead of you.”

“This time we won’t take no for an answer.”

“And the answer is no.”

And the answer is actually: Thunderbirds Are Go.

Look at the family all together and bad-ass. That’s the brother’s we know right there. And I love how many of these moments this episode gave us. It was like a power house of Tracy family moments as well as well-written action and thought-through deceit.

“All agreed?”

“Agreed.”

Really, when they want to, these boys find it incredibly easy to agree and not bicker .I know I said it before in ‘Skyhook’, but I really do admire how they managed to write that quality so believably. In a family of that size you’re bound to have your fair share of disagreements - and through those, their agreements are perfectly valid and believable.

“Guys, this isn’t the time.”

“John’s right. We still have no word from Brains if it’s effective.”

“Sorry Scott, I really need to work on my phrasing. What I meant to say is... you have a situation.”

Maybe they should all work on their phrasing after this episode?

“Stall him while I track down Lady P. Maybe her connections will help.”

“If she doesn’t torpedo us for rocking the exact boat she told us not to.”

I’m calling that Gordon so got the blame (especially from Parker) for this one.

I love how many failed attempts this GDF team ends up with. Did they really think it would be that easy to break into a Thunderbird? Biggest mistake ever. Or maybe the biggest mistake ever was lying (oh, sorry, not knowing the truth to tell) to Parker.

“It was sabotage. Not our Equipment.”

“I knew it!”

Yeah, okay, give Alan a prize. He did call it ten episodes that you could find a picture of The Hood in the dictionary under the word sabotage.

Excuse me everyone whilst I get in contact with Oxford Dictionary and ask them to the the hundredth - and whatever number we’re on - reprint.

Together again! That’s twice in one episode - seriously, how lucky are we! But seriously I do love these moments because they are definitely how the boys live when there isn’t IR work to be done and serves to remind us of their humanity.

[harleenfleck]

“The Joker and the Harlequin” Chapter 2

Joker/Arthur Fleck x Harley Quinn/Harleen Quinzel Fanfic 

Chapter 1

Warnings: No one, just a little rejection to the protagonist.

Notes: Hey everyone! There’s the second Chapter of this story! I don’t put warnings in this one cause I don’t thinks there’s anything heavy to read. Maybe little fluff but it’s not fluff as such hahaha idk how to explain it. 

More characters will appear in this one, some are my invention, others are from the Animated Series and some comics, and only one is from the movie and yes, that only character that comes from the movie is who you think is *Fangirl screams*

Well, hope you like it! Enjoy it! :3 <3

...

Chapter 2

Trying to forget the assault of the first hours of her day, Harleen finally got to her destination.

It was a huge hospital that, although it was in decline 10 years ago, was no better in those days. In fact, it was less bad.

Harleen came in with a lot of nerves. She told the receptionist that she was the new intern, while the receptionist was communicating with others, Harleen waited patiently (or at least tried) to sit down while she looked at her shoes.

Would she do it right? Would she give a good look with the choice of clothes she wore? It wasn’t too much makeup? Many questions bombarded Harleen's mind, but there was always at least a bit of optimism in her. She settled her glasses. Bit her lips. She took her hand to her mouth but remembered that there were only biting nails.

She looked at the bottom of a corridor and watched how some stretcher-bearers were carried a tied patient on a stretcher, while the patient yelled obscenities and meaningless words.

“Don't worry” She whispered to herself “Surely they'll give you patients who aren't so horrendous...”

She observed now her around, the cleanliness shone by his non appearance. When she noticed, she tries not to be uncomfortable.

She noticed how a doctor arrived in the reception room. He asked the receptionist something and pointed at her. Harleen got up immediately.

“Dr. Harleen Quinzel?”

“Yes, it's me, nice to meet you” She reached out her hand to the doctor. He looked her from head to toe.

“Oh” The expression on the Doctor's face when he saw who she was the new Intern made her more nervous than she had. “Nice to meet you. I'm the Director of the hospital, Dr. Jeremiah Adams”

Although she had not given a good impression, Harley tried to smile at the doctor to relax, however, his expression caused the smile to fade soon.

“Well Harleen, we'll go to your department, I'll introduce you to a colleague who’s the boss of that department...”

Harleen started following the director. The frivolity with which she was received made her feel that she should not be there. She would turn everywhere, looking at the white walls of the hospital, and occasionally meeting a nurse or patient.

They arrived at the sub-direction of Psychiatry, an area was made up of medical offices and archive offices.

“Dr. Joan Leland” The Dr. Jeremiah went to woman, she was tall, short-haired, and dark-skinned. She was on her back but she turned “This is Harleen Quinzel, the new intern, today she integrating with us”

“Harleen, nice to meet you”

“Thank you, nice to meet you”

“Well, I leave you, there's a lot to do in this hospital”

Before he said another word, the Director disappeared.

“Well Harleen” Dr. Leland spoke when she notices that Harleen's emotions were being felt outside “Before you begin, I must tell you something: We read your academic record and really took many of us surprise the fact that you decided that you Internship was here, in Arkham, your grades are excellent and your thesis is outstanding”

“Well, it's just... I didn't really have a choice”

“I'm sorry to hear that. But well, go with me, I'll show you the place and introduce you to those who will be your coworkers”

Dr. Leland began walking and Harleen began to follow her.

They arrived at a meeting room where two other doctors, they were in the middle of their lunch.

“Guys, come here. This is Harleen Quinzel, the new intern”

One of the doctors was a tall, natural blond-haired, white-skinned woman with green eyes. The other doctor was a man with brown hair, beard and light brown skin.

At the time they voiced Dr. Leland, said he would be back in a moment, leaving Harleen alone with his new colleagues.

“Hi Harleen, I'm Susanne Brown. You can call me Susy”

“Hello Susy” The two women shopped their hands. The man stood behind Susy, patiently waiting for his turn to introduce himself.

“Hello Harleen, I’m Guy Kopski”

“Hello Guy”

“So, your name it’s Harleen, it’s a pretty nice name, we can call you Harley?”

“Harley?”

“Yeah, like a nickname, like Susanne and Susy, sounds great, don’t you think?”

“Eh, thank you… But I preferer my real name”

The doctors looked at each other.

“Well...” Harleen tried to make a conversation”This place doesn't look as bad as I've been told.

“God, I can tell you're the new one. This places is horrible”Susy began to grumble”Every day put up with the same old lunatics, enduring that the air conditioning or heating doesn't work, patients starting to have seizures while you're eating, or as simple as when "The Patient" escapes”

“The Patient"?”

“Yes, one of the most problematic, I hope you have to treat it soon, we've tried everything and nothing seems to work. I've been told you're smart, maybe you could give him his cure, or his punchline”

Harleen, trying to smile again, wanted to try to respond to it.

“Well, thank you very much, I hope to do my best”

“Oh Susy, don't be so cruel with the girl, it’s new here” Guy began to mock.

Again, Harleen's insecurity attacked her and made her quiet.

“Oh Harley”

“It’s Harlee-”

“Anyway, I know you see us very relaxed and calm, but that's not why we accept anyone as a friend. I know Dr. Leland is a woman who wants us all to be holding hands and live a great friendship, but believe me, that's not gonna happen. We're just co-workers, you understand?”

The poor confidence that Harleen had trapped while talking to them decided to bury herself alive. Harleen crouched his head away, feeling ashamed.

“I-I get it”

“Good!”

To Harleen's fortune, Dr. Leland showed up back and took her away.

The two doctors left the offices and began walking down the hospital corridors. Dr. Leland kindly explained what each was all about.

“I hope you can get used to this place quickly, here's a lot of work to do”

“Yeah, I heard again about the new monetary cut”

“Oh yes, it seems that after 10 years politicians and millionaires don't understand. For the same reason of the monetary cut we have had to reduce the places of the Internship to only one, where you are right now. We were nowhere near closing all the places at least for this year”

Listening to that was as if Destiny told Harleen that she was always going to be her favorite toy to prove how miserable could become a simple person

“Oh, wow...”

They spent the next hours doing a tour in the hospital. Joan was someone very calm and tranquil. With kindness and patience, she explained everything she knew to Harleen and resolved her doubts.

“Normally in the hospital we do different types of therapy, electroconvulsive therapies are our last instance, but we usually use them, as you go forward, we will teach you how to manage the devices for when one of your patients requires such therapy”

“Sounds interesting, but isn't it dangerous?

“Yes, but only if you don’t know how to handle”

“Wow, that’s so many things I have to learn”

“And you will. Let’s go to the patient’s area”

The two doctors entered an elevator. When the elevator was down, Joan kept explaining more things to Harleen.

“What do you think about this place, Harleen? What do you think of Arkham Asylum?”

“Well, I think this place is… Well, I don’t want to sound rude, I’ve heard a lot of stories about this place, I thought was a horrible hospital but…”  

“But?”

“It doesn’t look so bad, honestly”

“Oh Harleen, why do you think you're going to sound rude? It's an honest opinion, the most passive I've ever heard of this place being honest, I think”

The elevator stopped at that moment. Joan was surprised, because it was not the floor she had in mind. The doors opened, a man nurse with a tired and sweat-filled face was on the other side.

“Ladies, you'd better get out of this elevator, we're moving "The Patient" to another cell”

Harleen looked at Joan, she looked very upset.

“For God’s sake, do you have to do it now? I'm with this girl, it's the new one and there may be risk...”

“I’m so sorry doctor, but they’re already coming with him”

Making a grimace of frustration, Joan turned to Harleen.

“Harleen, this is a very dangerous patient, just follow me, keep your head down, don't lift it out for curiosity and don't maintain eye contact with this patient”

"Ok...” Unsure of following the instructions, the two doctors came out of the elevator. As they heard the nurse screaming that they were preparing, that the elevator was ready, Harleen's temptation to look up was so big.

She heard footsteps coming to where she and Dr. Leland were, her eyes stared that her superior was going to the front with the same position she ordered her to do.

Her first mistake: Move her eyes.

Her vision began to follow the sound and she saw the feet of the nurses and "The Patient" who was told she will not look him in the eye.

Curiosity killed the cat, and Harleen was a very curious cat.

Her eyes slowly rose to the face of this "Patient".

She saw a man with green and pure eyes, much purest than her eyes, and she understood why Joan told her she would not look him in the eye: She was already in his sights.

Harleen looked away, but two seconds later he dared to look back at him again, and looked the face of "The Patient" completely. White skin, wrinkles next to each of his eyes, a two-day beard, his hair reached to his shoulders and was dark in color with one graying.

And of course, a smile in his face.

Harleen, feeling the weight of that patient's gaze, nervously smiled back and relaxed her neck and shoulders, now raising her head towards him. She observed in that man's face there was a little surprise and at the same time satisfaction.

The two, after crossing their paths, continued with these, Harleen followed the doctor and "The Patient" followed the passage of the nurses who were upon him.

Harleen couldn't stand curiosity once more, turned her head back to see him one last time, and he was doing the same thing, smiling at her. She couldn't help but give a smile.

“Harleen?”

Harleen immediately turned to the doctor and followed her, for she went very far ahead than her.

“I’m-I’m sorry! I get a little nervous and-”

“Oh, don’t worry, everybody in this hospital we get very nervous when it’s about this patient in special” When the elevator was heard close up, the doctor prayed a little “God, take care of those nurses…”

“Eh? That patient was… Very bad?”

Joan looked tenderly and quietly at Harleen.

"I don't know you very well, but I think you sin of innocent. I'll tell you who that patient is, he's one of the most dangerous ever, because thanks to him, Gotham is immersed in the crime”

Harleen's eyebrows hunched over.

“Really? What a horror... Dr. Leland”

“You can call me Joan”

“Oh, well, eh Joan… who’s that patient?

"Who is him? Oh Harleen, that dangerous patient in Gotham is known as the Joker”

At the time, Harleen felt someone push her off a cliff.

Being shocked, her eyes opened to her where her eyelids allowed her and her mouth alike.

“T-T-T-That man? H-H-he it’s…?”

“Yes, the Joker. Now you understand why I prayed for those nurses”

Harleen looked back at the elevator, incredulous. She looking at the doctor, she was totally and completely surprised.

"But... But... In person it… He doesn't look like...

“In person?”

It was time to confess to Dr. Leland that she had not followed her instructions, but she decided to tell her the truth in half.

"... A moment ago, I... I turned around a little bit, just as we got over him and we were already away, he was looking back. I don't, I-“

"Ah, it's okay Harleen, I don't think I recognize you from afar, I think he don’t have good eyesight. The problem would have been if you'd seen him head-on”

Harleen swallowed at the time, but tried to be disguised.

"Anyway Harleen, we still have a lot to go through this hospital, the next room is where we usually meet when there are Bioethics committees...”

She couldn't hear Dr. Leland after that. She still nervous with every step she took.

She had read about him, the murders he had committed, how he had earned the nickname "The Clown Prince of Crime," and how he managed to reunite his kingdom in one night.

And at the same time, he was the only person who dedicated a warm welcome to Arkham with that smile.

In her memory, Harleen couldn't help smile. But when she realized that, she tried to behave and keep her composure.

“Eh... Joan, I’m sorry, but I have a question”

“Of course, Harleen, what happen?”

“When I am assigned patients... To treat them obviously, will I be able to choose or decline them?”

“It’s about the Joker, isn’t it?”

Grieving, Harleen lowered her head.

"I would really be afraid to have a consultation with him”

"Harleen, listen to me, I know Arkham is not the best psychiatric hospital, but even at the best of all there are always completely dangerous patients who can't be treated by anyone. Anyway, I’ll warn you: Patients like the Joker are really hardcore psychopaths, putting the Joker how your patient it would be like throwing a lamb at a herd of wilds wolfs. He'd eat you like breakfast for be the beginner. So, on that side, don’t be scared, the Joker will not be your patient while you stay here

“Oh, thank you, thank you so much Joan”

"Don't worry, anyway, he hasn’t seen female psychiatrists in a long time, the last time a female psychiatrist treated him was a tragedy, she ended up suffocated by a chain of his wives”

The fear was too obvious and quick in Harleen.

“What... What horrible...

"That's why we wouldn't even let you be with that kind of patient”

"Thank you...”

“Well, continuing, in this hospital we made…”

The day went too fast. Lots of things to learn, and a lot of patience to have.

When the day was over, Harleen was assigned an office, where her workspace would become.

Sitting down, she was thinking about her first day. She was thinking about the Joker's smile. And every time she did, she blush and smiled unintentionally.

"No Harleen, no” She said to herself "He's a madman, he's a criminal. He'd kill you as soon as he had the chance... If he had the chance”

Harleen reloaded in his chair and thought of those words. She closed her eyes. About half an hour later she had finished her turn at the hospital. She'd get out of this and take the train again. She was praying not to be unlucky as in the morning.

She arrived at the station, as soon as she came down, she noticed that there were many people gathered at the station. She approached and saw that many people were taking photographs at the site where the Joker had murdered the three men on Wall Street. It was a tourist spot for weird people.

She shook her head, didn't want to think about it, went up the stairs and went to her house.

She walked a couple of streets from the blue and cold Gotham, it was the beginning of Autumn 1991. She came to her apartment. So tired, taking off her medical coat.

“I am in home mom!”

“Wow, you finally came”

This time she had an answer from her mother.

"I had a lot of work today; it was my first day" Harleen would leave her purse and her coat on the couch "But you know what? I did pretty well today, Arkham is not as bad as it’s seems”

"And why don't you lock yourself up with those crazy people? Harleen, Arkham is the worst place in Gotham, the most dangerous place in the world"

“Actually, Chernobyl it’s the most dangerous place in the world, I read…”

"You don't understand what I mean? Well, you are stupid anyway”

Harleen ignoring that, walked to the kitchen, knew she was going to get a shower of insults from her mother.

“I can’t believe it yet Harleen, you’re a little bitch, why you didn’t sleep with one of your teachers? You could have got out of Gotham and leave me, why didn’t you? You already have experience to be a bitch”

Harleen lowered her head when she heard that horrible words. Her mother knew things hadn't happened like this, but her mother didn't believe her, and she never believed in this daughter. Cleaning her tears, Harleen took a plate of cereal and started eating them at the bar.

“Goddammit, have you watch the news? That masked one it’s in the mouth of everybody in the city, I’m tired of him”

Her mother was a woman who physically look like Harleen except for the age, the complexion and the color of her eyes. She had olive eyes.

“Mom, have you had dinner yet?”

“Yeah, I ate a donuts and coffee with milk”

Harleen sighed a little disappointed.

“Mom, I told you mom, you should to eat healthier”

“Bah, either way I’m going to die someday”

“Yes, I know, but from that stretch before you die you will suffer many sicknesses. I don't want any of that to happen to you, I want to see you healthy and- “

"Did I ask for your opinion of my life?" The mother abruptly interrupted her daughter "You want to fix many aspects of my life after you ruined it. Because of you, your father left the house, and if he hadn't left, he wouldn't be dead."

Harleen just crouched her gaze full of guiltiness.

“I know mom”

“And if you already know why I have to tell you again? My life began with my illnesses and blames after your father abandonment us. Today it’s the anniversary of his death, you remember?

“Yes mom…”

“Well, go to your room and don’t fuck with me. Goddamn, what causes a teenage madness”

Harleen didn't want to listen to her mother anymore, she just walked with his dinner in her hand to her room and locked herself in. She was trying to eat she cereal as the tears overflowed from her eyes. She wanted to remember the events of ten years ago, and all they provoked was that she would end up crying more and more. She left the plate in her dressing table, took off her clothes to put on her silk pajamas and lay down on her bed.

She was trying to sleep, but in a place like Gotham, and especially at that time, it was even harder to sleep. But she could have it asleep. However, her dreams did not usually be quiet, the next day she woke up alarmed.

She stayed in her bed for a couple of minutes.

The life always be like this, without having a chance to change everything?

Leaving thinking, she got up, showered and began with the same routine of the previous day.

After an hour she arrived at the hospital, and before entering, she said to herself a couple of words:

"Nothing that happened yesterday really happened. No matter how much affects you, Harleen, get on with your life, and pretend that everything goes well in it, you could do it for a decade, you can do it a year here...

Harleen entered the hospital and with a shy smile on her face, greeted everyone who was there:

“Good morning everyone!

...

"Oh yes, I'm the great pretender

Pretending I'm doing well

My need is such I pretend too much

I'm lonely but no one can tell"

- Freddie Mercury - "The great pretender"

[jinxofthedesert]

Hi there!!! It is the same anon that requested some fic recs ☺ Thank you so much! I may give them a read! They look very interesting! But tbh I'm looking for fics that deal with some more in-depth approach to the twins' psychology and character (I don't mind the romance. In fact, I think it's a really interesting plus to the story when handled well).

(Below this is the rest of the messages, put together. Farther down, below the line, are my responses)  

 I’ve usually seen that the twins are portrayed as soft, loving and caring guys with their partners without real motives for such drastic change of dynamics in their twisted personalities. I mean, the usual Valeska centered fic goes like this: they meet the OC in Arkham or during their childhood in the circus and for some reason they reunite in the present, and then it is just the twins somehow falling for them, changing their whole way of being and only wanting to bang the OC the whole time (without taking into account the lack of the OC's inner conflict about loving such twisted men, because these OCs usually are "sane" and good people that somehow are dragged into the twins' world and for some reason they just fall in love with them without questioning it). But for me the least realistic thing about these fics is that the twins become super nice guys all of a sudden. I mean of course there can be character develoment and growth (up to a certain point), but I haven't really found a story that contains such deep explanation. Let's face it, they're still psychos no matter what, even if they have a partner.  In the last season we get a glimpse of how Jeremiah treats Ecco, someone that he used to appreciate and care for deeply, and she still meant little to him. So it doesn't add up to me when the twins are magically turned into these super sweet caring guys while their twisted, evil and manipulative side is completely ignored. I am not saying they can't love, I am just saying that they surely have their own twisted perception of what love is 🤔 Sorry for my rambling, damn, it took soooooo many comments hahaha!!! OMG, Sorry!😂😂 I had a LOT to say 😂😂😂 But I just find these characters very interesting and I would love to read a story with a more realistic approach to the construction of their personalities (and their twisted way of loving too!). Let me know, please, if you happen to know about some fics/authors 😘 thanks again! 

- - - - - - - - -  Hi again, anon! I’m sorry my list of content in the previous ask wasn’t exactly what you were looking/hoping for. As of right now, besides the ones I sent you that may delve a little bit below the surface, I can’t think of a true ‘character study’ type story that I have read so far. But, again, I usually stay in the area of romance so I wouldn’t be surprised if there are such fics out there under a different genre.

I’ll be quite honest, it’s been a very long time since I’ve read any oc/(input character here), including ones with the twins. Normally, I forget they exist until someone brings it up or I stumble across one on Tumblr accidentally. I do agree, the twins suddenly changing for an OC (or anyone) can be a bit unrealistic but from my years of reading and writing, creating stories with such things is a bit of ‘wish fulfillment’ which, to be honest, isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes a reader just needs content that is kind of good-feeling type fic (though not in a sense of how murderous the twins can be but in them getting some kind of positivity in their lives, whether it be through an OC or another character in the universe). When I wrote Oc’s at the beginning, it was either wish fulfillment for me or simply just wanting these characters I adored to finally have some kind of happy ending which they probably did not deserve, at all. 

A reason you might not find such content is also because, character studies are hard. Especially if you don’t have a complete picture of the character. With the twins, a lot is just coming up with stuff, imaging their past and how it still affects them, even if, on the upper layer we’re shown, doesn’t portray those scars left behind. 

With Oc’s, they can usually be pretty hit or miss. It’s not like you’re taking an already known character with known flaws and putting them in your story. Those characters have a foundation already built. For an Oc, the writer has to literally make someone from the ground up, which is equally as hard without making them seem too whiny, too mary-sue like, or just too problematic. This can leave a lot to be desired which can create something unrealistic as well. That’s why I usually only look for content centered around characters from the show, instead of Oc’s; like with Bruce and the twins because canon-wise there is already something there (depending on how you look at it and write it). 

In regard to Ecco: firstly, I think it’s arguable what type of relationship she even has with Jeremiah when we first are introduced to them. We’re shown some concern on his end when she’s clearly been hypnotized but this can be seen as a boss concerned for an employee, an employee who he’s probably had for awhile now and is one of the very rare few who he trusts to an extent. However, we just don’t know much of anything about their relationship or past together. She might have hardly seen him, only contacting him through phone calls and text messages; she may have only brought him supplies through the maze and never was in his inner personal areas. This treatment is all possible given how Jeremiah is quite literally a paranoid mess before the spray, no matter how well put-together he appears. And, if we’re to compare this to his eventual obsession with Bruce Wayne, we can take a guess that Jeremiah and Ecco probably didn’t get very deep with this connection they had. Mainly because with just a few compliments, Jeremiah is invested in Bruce, something we don’t see with Ecco before or after the spray. So we have Bruce enter the picture (someone who has run into his twin on multiple occasions, a fact Jeremiah must know to some extent with his paranoia probably leading him to constantly check newspapers and the news for info on Jerome) and, if you look at things from Jeremiah’s perspective, besides complimenting him, Bruce looks at him and only sees Jeremiah. And this would be baffling to Jeremiah if he knows the affect Jerome has had on Bruce, for him to look at Jeremiah and not see his twin after everything would be just as big a compliment as anything because it’s differentiating him from his twin. Someone who has probably feared being compared to his brother, for people to look at him and only see Jerome (such as what occurs with Jim and Harvey only hours prior). Because of this, when compared to Ecco, we can deduce that either their conversations never went in such a direction, or she hardly had the extended physical contact to ever bring up Jerome or compare or compliment. If so, it’s possible with how Jeremiah is that something similar could have happened with Ecco. And this eventually leads into the spray where his only true attachment is not Ecco but with Bruce, especially, after his initial spray, Jeremiah’s hatred for Jerome is far worse than it had been before, making Bruce’s assessment of Jeremiah simply being himself and not his brother, far more endearing as well. So, in comparison to Bruce, Ecco means absolutely nothing to him, a means to an end. 

I’ll admit, reading content where the twins are somehow in a relationship (with an oc or canon character) while still being rather insane, are quite interesting. However, for stuff like that to work in a compelling and ‘actual’ way, characters like that have to be bent because these characters logistically working in that kind of environment may never be realistic anyways. This can be worked around of course, but it takes so much time and effort; even now, as I write my stories for Gotham, I’m still trying to work around how to make these ships work for the twins because they’re stubborn and although they have obsessions they, at their cores are not good people and while they may try, seriously try to better themselves, there will always be slip-ups.

I do agree, they can love but it would always be twisted in some way or another (look no further than Jeremiah with Bruce). They’re also a lot of fun to take apart and analyze or try and come up with a type of background that works with all the hints we’ve been given. Background-wise, the twins are really something a writer can make their own which is an interesting concept.

This turned more so into a long ramble of writing and Ocs and lots of Gotham lol but anyways, I wish I could give you a story to fit your needs. I quite hate when I have an itch for certain fics and I either can’t find them or the number of fics is so daunting that I don’t dare even try. I would recommend just going through them, possibly looking for complete content first, or ones with high hits or kudos (depending on the site you’re searching on) because I don’t have any at the moment I can suggest. 

(Honestly the ideas for the twins never stop coming lol, perks of their backgrounds and everything else being so hazy.)

I hope some of this message was at least interesting lol and I do wish you luck in finding good twin content that delves into their character or, maybe you’ll get lucky and someone will publish something like that soon! Either way, I hope you find something 😘

[wizardofahz]

Double Agent Danvers

A/N: During the “Partners in Crime” episode of Supergirl’s Attic,  @thatsjustsupergirl mentioned the “what if” idea of Lillian trying her season 2 recruitment spiel on Alex at an earlier point in her life, which reminded me of an old WIP, so I dug it out to finish. This takes place in episode 2x07.

If ao3 is your preferred fanfic reading medium, it’s also available there.

Content Warning: character death

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Kara knows she has no choice. 

Cadmus has Alex, and they want Supergirl. In all honesty, other options exist--Alex would say that Kara shouldn’t give herself up--but Kara can’t bring herself to consider them.

So it’s with a willing heart that she goes to Cadmus, gets roughed up by the actual Hank Henshaw, and is thrown into a cell next to Alex’s.

To Kara’s relief, Henshaw lets Alex out of her cell. “You’re up, Danvers Jr.”

But Alex doesn’t leave. For the first time in years, Kara can’t read the look on her face.

“The bars are made of Nth metal,” Alex says. “They’re unbreakable.”

Kara quickly makes her way to the front of her cell. “Alex? I don’t understand.”

“Good,” a familiar voice from Kara’s left cuts her off. “That means Alex has done her job.”

“Jeremiah?” Kara stares as Jeremiah enters with Lillian Luthor. She turns back to Alex for answers. “Alex, what’s going on?”

“I’ve known Dad has been alive for ten years,” Alex says. “I’ve been working for Cadmus ever since.”

Kara looks back and forth between Alex and Jeremiah. None of Alex’s words are making sense. Kara doesn’t know if she’s in denial or if some other mental block is preventing her from fully processing the situation. Surely, if this is true, Kara would’ve seen the signs.

Even though she dreads a potentially further heart breaking answer, she asks, “And Eliza?”

For the first time, uncertainty flickers across Alex’s face. “No,” she says quietly. “Mom doesn’t know.”

Alex’s answer provides Kara with a palpable sense of relief. At least something in her life isn’t a lie.

“We’ll help her understand,” Jeremiah says, laying a comforting hand on Alex’s shoulder. “Together, as a family.”

Implicit in Jeremiah’s statement is the understanding that their family does not include Kara.    

“As touching as this family sentimentality is,” Lillian says, not bothering to moderate her mocking tone in any way, “we should proceed.”

Alex turns to the back of the room where a Cadmus lackey steps forward, a secure case in his arms. Alex opens it to reveal Red Kryptonite.

Kara recoils to the back of her cell. “No, Alex, please.”

“I really should thank Maxwell Lord for this,” Alex says, turning the crystal over in her hands. “Accidental ingenuity but ingenuity nonetheless.”

“Alex, please,” Kara pleads again.

“You’re going to destroy National City,” Lillian says. “And we’re going to stop you.”

...

Alex waits.

The Red Kryptonite-induced shifts in Kara’s personality will increase with more time under its influence. She will slide from caring to indifferent to cruel. Alex decides that will be the right time to talk to Kara. It seems fairer this way, less like kicking a puppy when it’s down.

“Congratulations, Agent Danvers,” Kara says. She doesn’t bother to move from where she leans at the back of her cell. Her nonchalance reminds Alex of Astra when she was in DEO custody. “You had me fooled.”

“If it helps, you weren’t the only one,” Alex offers.

Kara scoffs. She stares at Alex and then provides her read of the situation, “Let me guess: Cadmus sent Jeremiah to you when you were struggling the most. Jeremiah had just died. I was demanding too much of Eliza’s attention, and nothing you did could ever live up to her expectations anymore. He offered you the validation and support you’d been craving, blamed all of it on me, told you that by helping him you would also be helping all the other humans affected by the aliens in their lives.”

Alex shrugs. “Something like that.”

In truth, it was exactly that, and Alex is reminded that as goofy as Kara can be, she really does have quite the analytical mind.

“Have you ever stopped to consider that you’ve been played? If it makes so much sense, why wait to tell Eliza?” Kara asks, smirking and haughty, before promptly providing the answer, “Because it doesn’t make sense, and you were easy to turn because you were a weak, vulnerable child.”

Under different circumstances, Kara’s words might have hurt, but Alex came prepared. She’s been steeling herself for this moment, and she’s run the counterarguments through her head over and over again. “You’re right. I was vulnerable, but you’re wrong about being played. They helped me, gave me agency in a life that would otherwise have been consumed by you and your needs.” 

“Whatever,” Kara dismisses. She eyes Alex with greater curiosity, “Why not kill me the first time I was infected with Red Kryptonite?”

“Timing wasn’t right,” Alex responds. “People were afraid of you afterwards but more inclined to be forgiving. That inclination goes away with repeat performances. You know the saying, ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.’ As for why now, with the Alien Amnesty Act, humans need a reminder that we need to look after ourselves first.”

Kara actually laughs at that. “You humans are so preoccupied with your own weakness. It’s no wonder you seem bound to languish in it for all eternity.”

Alex’s watch beeps, signaling that it’s time to go. 

“I don’t hate you,” she says, offering up what probably sounds like a superficial apology, but the sentiment behind it is real. “You didn’t ask for this any more than I did. I’m sorry it had to come to this.”

Kara rolls her eyes. “I don’t need your apologies. You’d just better hope that you haven’t bitten off more than you can chew.”

...

Kara wreaks the destruction they anticipate.

With her Kryptonite suit and broadsword, additional Cadmus technology, and an intimate knowledge of Kara’s sparring and combat weaknesses, Alex has little trouble subduing Kara.

“Do it,” Kara snarls. She’s sprawled out on the ground, Alex’s boot planted firmly in her gut as she hovers above her with Kryptonite broadsword pulled back and ready.

But Alex doesn’t move.

She’s killed other aliens before, killed Kara’s aunt even, but for some reason, she finds herself unable to do it one more time.

Kara provides that reason for her. “I may not have known you as well as I thought I did, but I still know you well enough to know that you can’t do it. You’re too soft, too soft when it comes to me. You spent so long pretending to care about me that now you can’t undo it, can’t shut it off in your brain. Congratulations. You played yourself.”

“Shut up,” Alex says, but only her mouth moves. 

Because Kara is right. 

Alex doesn’t know if she’s soft for Kara per say, but she does know her better than any other alien. Alex hadn’t been lying when she said she didn’t hate Kara. Kara hasn’t had it easy on Earth, and it’s not her fault that she required more attention from Eliza when they were kids. It’s not her exactly her fault that she became a heroic symbol when she really just wanted to help people. There just happen to be negative, unintended consequences from those things.

“I’m giving you permission,” Kara continues. “You get to be the hero, and I get to rejoin my family, my real family. Well, what are you waiting for? Do it.”

A loud crack has both of their bodies jerking, Alex’s from surprise and Kara’s from the Green Kryptonite bullet entering her body.

As Alex drops beside down beside Kara, she looks up to see Jeremiah approaching, arm still outstretched with his hand wrapped around a custom Cadmus gun.

Red fades from the blood vessels under Kara’s skin, and green promptly takes its place.

“Alex?” Kara calls out weakly, searching for her big sister.

“I’m here. I got you,” Alex says instinctively, but the words scald her throat with a sincerity that she doesn’t deserve.

She watches life fade from Kara’s eyes as her struggling breaths diminish into nonexistence. It is quite possibly the most horrible thing Alex has ever witnessed.

Alex forgets that her father is there until his hand lands on her shoulder. 

“I couldn’t do it,” Alex says quietly. 

“That’s okay,” Jeremiah says in an attempt to reassure her. “We asked a lot of you, maybe too much, but the hard part is done. We get to move on.”

But he misunderstands.

Alex doesn’t feel guilty because she couldn’t complete the task assigned to her. She feels guilty because it doesn’t feel like she did the right thing. So many years of deception, so many years of preparation, but the satisfaction of the outcome doesn’t rise to the occasion. It falls flat on its face.

... 

As it turns out, Eliza Danvers cannot be made to understand.

[pandoraimperatrix]

Four Names for Love

Gotham | BatCat | BabyFic | Multi-chapter | Read on AO3

Summary: When Bruce parted ways with Gotham he was leaving behind more than he thought. Meanwhile Selina is trying to find a way to herself after being abandoned again and on top of that she finds out she was left with a lot more than a heartbreak.

——————————————————————————

More 5th season missing scenes before going back to the plot.

 Eros part III

 Bruce woke up alarmed when he heard the squeak of the window opening, he grabbed the knife behind his pillow, but was relived when it was just Selina. She had a little trouble closing the window again, it was old and kept getting stuck.

‘Didn’t you say that you would be staying with Barbara tonight?’

‘She fell asleep at like, nine, if you think regular Barbara is weird you don’t want to know pregnant Barbara. I have never seen her go so many days sober since I first met her when she was still normal.’

Bruce sighed, head falling back on the pillow.

‘How is she holding up?’

Selina sat on the bed to unzip her boots.

‘She won’t say it but she’s sad. She really loved Tabitha. But I think it would be a lot worse if it wasn’t for the baby.’

‘I see what you mean. At least she seem to be taking care of herself. And how are you doing? I know you cared about her too.’

Selina turned to look at him over her shoulder. She had a soft smitten smile on her face.

‘I’m fine, Bruce.’

‘Come here, then.’ Said him reaching for her.

She chuckled, taking off her gloves.

‘Eager, aren’t we?’

Selina let escape a tiny whelp when he grabbed her by the waist, forcing her to lie down with him.

‘Bruce! Let me take off the jacket first.’

‘You were taking too long.’ He complained childishly against her hair. ‘It’s cold.’

‘You were doing just fine before I got here.’ She said making no effort to sit up again.

‘I was in fact not. I was freezing. Now I’m so much better.’ He kissed her exposed neck.

‘You wouldn’t last a day on the streets.’ Said Selina purring.

‘I remember lasting more than that when we were kids.’ He gave her a little bite.

‘That’s because I was there to take care of you.’

‘Well, you can keep doing that by keeping me warm now.’

She couldn’t stop the giggles bubbling out of her, but pushed him away nonetheless.

‘Lemme take off the jacket and the pants first.’

He sighed the most dramatic sight of all time but finally let her go. Selina disposed of her clothes throwing them in the floor and getting an annoyed look from Bruce to which she responded just by giving her best cheeky grin. They never really discussed about her sloppiness, but he would make this passive-aggressive comments sometimes that had the complete inverse result that he expected. Sometimes he even wondered if she was trying to start a fight out of nothing to see what he would do, as if he was to leave her over a misplaced hairbrush and her clothes usually looked better on the floor anyway.

Bruce held the covers up for her to get in, and when she was finally where he wanted he pulled her close again.

‘You really aren’t cold?’

‘A bit.’ She confessed rubbing her face on the front of his pyjamas purring. After a while she looked up to him, eyes like dark pools. ‘Wanna know a fun way to keep warm?’

They met in the middle for the kiss.

   She helped him undress his jacket first.

‘Can you lift your arms?’

‘Yeah.’ But he winced when he did it, clearly in pain.

She helped him with the turtleneck too.

The cut could’ve been worse she concluded. Then she reached for the first aid kit under the bed, searching for the antiseptic and the gauze to clean the wound. He flinched when she touched the cut.

‘Sorry.’

‘Not your fault.’

Her hand shook.

‘Selina? Are you okay?’ He asked worried.

‘But it is my fault, isn’t it? If I had killed him that day nothing of this would happen.’

He grabbed her chin pulling her head up.

‘None of what happened today is your fault, Selina.’

‘He blew up your house, Bruce. Hurt Alfred. Almost killed Jim and Lee… Made you relive that awful night. Just because I can’t do anything right.’

Bruce slid his hand from Selina’s chin to her cheek, rubbing her skin with his thumb with affection.

‘I’m happy you didn’t kill him. I’m glad he didn’t make of you a killer.’

She sighed pulling away from his touch.

‘I’ve killed before, Bruce.’ She said going back to tend to his wound.

‘That was different. He was trying to kill us.’ He justified.

Selina had a very tired and very annoyed expression when she looked up to him again, her jaw tense.

‘And Jeremiah isn’t always trying to kill us?’

He didn’t answer, but held her gaze until she broke it and, in silence, finished bandaging him.

‘Here, done.’

She then stood up.

‘Where are you going?’

‘The Sirens.’

‘Selina, no… Look, we’re both tired. Just come to bed.’

She really wanted to fight, maybe that was how she dealt with frustration, how she managed her sadness, by covering it up with anger. But when she saw at how miserable Bruce looked, how easily she could have lost him that day, she felt all the will she had to fight give in to this heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t want to go the Sirens, she didn’t want to feel better by getting shit-faced, she wanted to cuddle Bruce, wrap herself in his warmth and his smell and feel safe from psychopath clowns and the senseless violence of that god forsaken city.

And that was what she did.

 Gordon was giving one of his motivational speeches, Selina was bored. She decided she liked him much better before the marriage, when he was miserable, the speeches were a lot shorter back then. She looked at Bruce up and down, his head was turned forward, like he was paying attention. He had such a juvenile admiration for Gordon. It was cute. Not that she would tell that to either of them.

Her hand crawled behind the seam of his shirt, for once it wasn’t a damn turtleneck, it was a little warmer but it was still Gotham, he kept the jacket. His skin was warm under her touch. She flattened her palm against his lower back before start scratching upwards. He stopped her by taking her hand in his, intertwining their fingers together. Selina was ready to be scolded, but when Bruce looked at her his eyes were dark. Well, maybe he wasn’t paying attention to Gordon as much as she thought.

Bruce then pulled Selina’s hand moving away from the crowd, if someone found odd that they were leaving she sincerely didn’t care.

They soon found an empty room. Selina hopped up a table, to get herself a few inches, Bruce was always mock-complaining that curving himself to kiss her was giving him back pains. She parted her knees to welcome him. She closed her eyes as he started with kisses over her exposed collarbone, and hit him playfully on the shoulder when she felt he suck the skin linking her shoulder to her neck.  

‘Don’t give me another hickey!’

He chuckled.

‘So you can scratch me and give me as much hickeys you want but I can’t? That is hardly fair.’ He complained against her hair.

‘You walk covered head to toe, you wear those stupid turtlenecks all the time.’

‘So it’s showing them off what bothers you? Okay.’

He stepped back and she furrowed her brows in confusion.

Bruce took one of her ankles and unzipped her boot taking it off.

‘What are you doing?’

He just smiled.

He let go of her ankle and took the other repeating the act. Then he returned to his past position and kissed her on the lips, Selina lost herself to the sensation, almost forgetting that he was up to something until she felt his hands pushing her pants off.

‘B-bruce…’ She stuttered when they let go for a second for air.

‘Shhh.’ He kissed her again and Selina moved to help him pushing her pants all the way down. It wasn’t her initial plan to have sex in a GCPD packed with people, she just wanted to make out a bit to pass the time, but she was not complaining, not when Bruce was kissing her like that.

But then he stopped kissing her, she was ready to pull him back when he fell to his knees, looking up at her with hungry eyes. She swallowed hard feeling the heat pool on her lower half, it wasn’t fair how much she wanted him all the time. Bruce kissed her right knee, caressing her calf with one hand and her left inner thigh with the other. His kisses were spreading inwards, Selina’s breath getting heavier as he got closer to her centre. Then he sucked hard, kissing the reddening mark to sooth the skin afterwards.

‘No one will see it here.’

She let out something that was half a choke and half a laugh and tried to kick him, but he held her leg firmer, giving her a shit-eating grin, before going back to work. He was tantalizing close to his goal when the door was flung open.

‘Bloody hell!’

Bruce pulled himself up so fast it was like he was propped up by springs, Selina felt all the heat from her lower abdomen run to her face.

‘Alfred!’ Squeaked Bruce hiding Selina with his body.

‘Master Bruce… You and Miss Kyle really shouldn’t be doing this… here.’

‘You’re… you’re right, Alfred. We’re sorry.’

She was only sorry that they were caught, and by Jeeves, yikes. Well, could’ve been worse. What if it was Gordon? Or worse, Harvey? She shuddered.

‘Alfred, can you…?’

‘Oh, right. Well, I’m leaving then.’

When Selina heard the door close giving away that he was finally gone, she started shaking with laughter. Bruce turned around to face her, laughing too. She reached for him, pulling him close and burying her face in his chest.

 PRESENT

 Selina woke up feeling ill for the third consecutive day. Maybe having water on the pipes again didn’t mean she should drink it. At least with the money she was able to buy food and even a ‘new’ bedding. And by new it meant bedding someone stole from some house before No Man’s Land. At least it was clean. Sort of.

Then she started her routine like she have been doing for the past days, throwing up, washing herself, trying to eat something, giving up, thinking what she would do when she finally left Gotham. She still didn’t know what, but she was getting in there.

Maybe she should see a doctor, she was losing weight.

But the only doctor she trusted was Lee and she didn’t want to see Lee. She didn’t want to stumble in her joyful married life, she really didn’t want to answer her questions of where she had been, what she had been doing, if she was okay… She didn’t want her kindness or her pity.

She got to the Sirens without any trouble. It was so early in the morning that it was still dark, no one on the streets, her key still worked. The bar was naturally closed, she walked upstairs, but instead of following the path to her old room, Selina got caught in the differences around the flat. There was children’s toys on the sofa. An empty bottle on the counter. A pink baby blanket hanging on the back of a chair. Those things looked eerily misplaced in among Barbara’s glamorous decoration.

She ended up in the darkened baby’s room. Selina approached the crib, Barbara Lee was sleeping soundly. Selina felt the terrible urge to cry, but was interrupted by the cold feel of iron against her head.

‘Step back from the baby.’

‘Jesus, Barbara, it’s me!’

Without lowering the gun, Barbara turned the light on.

‘Selina? What are you doing here?’ She finally lowered the gun.

‘I…’ Selina choked, she couldn’t say. She just couldn’t.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Can I sleep in my old room?’ She managed.

Barbara frowned.

‘Yes, of course.’

‘Thank you.’ She crossed away from Barbara disappearing in the corridor.

 Deciding that going to the Sirens was a terrible idea, Selina’s plan was to wait a little until Barbara was asleep again to leave, but she was the one who ended up falling asleep. It was nice to be in a clean place, and even though she haven’t slept there in months, the bed still felt like hers, and she felt to exhausted all the time now.

She woke up to the sound of baby crying.

‘Shhh don’t be so mad at mommy, I know… Shhh… Here.’

As she reached the living room, Selina was presented with the picturesque scene of Barbara Kean breastfeeding. It really hit high on the list of weird things that she had seen. And she had lived in Gotham all her life.

‘Oh, you’re up. Feeling better?’

‘Yeah… Thanks. What time is it?’

‘Around noon. I was about to get lunch. Join me?’

‘No… I’m fine. Look, thank you for letting me stay. I’m taking off.’

‘Selina. This is still your house if you want it.’

‘Oh… no… You don’t have to worry about me, you have your baby.’

‘I actually could use a hand. As much as Jim and Lee help, they are not here all the time. I could also use the company. I miss when it was the three of us.’

Selina’s stomach let out a loud noise.

‘We can get your favourite takeout.’

But later when she opened the lid with her serving of chicken tikka masala, Selina felt the strongest wave of nausea she ever felt in her life. She almost didn’t make to the bathroom.

‘Are you okay?’ Asked Barbara by the opened door, baby in her arms.

‘Yeah,’ Selina groaned. ‘Peachy. I think I have a stomach bug or something.’

‘Hmmm. But a stomach bug would make you go sick after eating not before it.’

Since when did she became such an expert?

‘Selina have you had you period recently?’

Selina felt the whole world rotate and her blood freeze.

 Barbara knows what is up. And that was a long one, it was because I added more stuff than I intended. The whole section post the 5x07 was not on script, but after such a heavily emotional episode they gave Bruce and Selina such a tiny scene, I had to make something. And the plot finally starts going forward, but not by much. This is a slowburning story. See you next time. If you are enjoying the story please let me know. This whole social distancing thing is making me very lonely and it’d be nice to chat.

[hethrewmyheartinthecut]

The Complete Peaky Blinders + Characters of Color Masterlist (edit: no longer complete)

Edit: this masterlist is no longer complete, as I am no longer using this tumblr very much and won’t be around to update it

All works on this list are set in the world of Peaky Blinders and FOCUSED on at least one canon or original character of color. (This means no Michael-centric fics with only one or two scenes involving Isaiah, etc.) All works should be longer than 500 words and located on tumblr or archiveofourown. 

Last updated 10/16/18.

WARNING: I have not read all the fics on this list, and fully abandon all responsibility for their quality, content warnings, etc. Read at your own risk.

🎖 indicates a personal favorite of mine + notes on why I like it

TABLE OF CONTENTS

FIC W/ A CANON CHARACTER OF COLOR - This is any fic that focuses on at least one canon character of color.

FIC W/ AN ORIGINAL CHARACTER OF COLOR - This is any Peaky fic or imagine that focuses on at least one original character of color.

READER x CANON CHARACTER OF COLOR - This is any Peaky imagine that focuses on the relationship between Reader & a canon character of color.

READER OF COLOR x CANON CHARACTER - This is any Peaky imagine that focuses on the relationship between a Reader of color & a canon character.

CONCLUSION - some parting thoughts

1. FIC W/ A CANON CHARACTER OF COLOR

This is any fic that focuses on at least one canon character of color.

🎖 ISAIAH-CENTRIC - me aka Ashling on ao3 //  Isaiah Jesus and the Sucker Punch Heist // Multi-chapter heist fic focusing on Isaiah, w/ side helpings of Isaiah x WOC, other original characters of color, action, friendship, drama 🎖 notes: really did my damnedest to make this a fun, good one

ISAIAH x FINN - rxttenk1d on ao3 // Finn Has A Choking Kink // smut, written in the second person

ISAIAH x FINN - me // picnic // short modern AU romcom fic

ISAIAH x FINN - me // coffeeshop // Finn has been waiting a long time for his goddamn espresso. 

ISAIAH x MICHAEL - cyrusbarrone // change // exquisite prose, incredibly short 

ISAIAH x MICHAEL - cyrusbarrone // saint dymphna // exquisite prose, perfect 100-word drabbles

ISAIAH x MONA MALLORY - @danceyreagan // several fics on this masterlist //a black OC, Mona Mallory, is cute as hell and dating Isaiah Jesus

ISAIAH x OC - @justaclichewhitegirl​ aka justaclichewhitegirl on ao3 // Hell is Empty and the Devils Are All Here // Alexandra wanted the past to stay in the past, but when doing a business deal with the Shelby's that doesn't always happen.

ISAIAH x OC - wishfulwriter on ao3 // Don't forget where you came from // Living with the Blinders is no walk in the park, especially not if you're somewhat involved with some of them.

🎖 MR. ZHANG x TOMMY - KeithKoenar // For what are we but weak men in a mad world on ao3 // In which Mister Zhang is terribly sick for two weeks and Thomas Shelby ultimately ends up stealing a damn prostitute, because he is a foolish, weak man. 🎖 notes: intriguing, original, smutty

2. FIC W/ ORIGINAL CHARACTERS OF COLOR

This is any Peaky fic or imagine that focuses on at least one original character of color.

CHADDA “SAM” SAMRA x ISAIAH - @peakyposts // The Art of Sneaking Around // Multiple Chapters // Finn Shelby, Isaiah Jesus and Chadda “Sam” Samra had been friends since they were children, but as Chadda gets older her responsibilities become more important than hanging out with her friends. How is she supposed to juggle helping out at her mother’s hair salon, going to school, and eventually falling in love with one of her best friends? Especially when one of those things is completely forbidden by her traditional parents? 

MONA MALLORY x ISAIAH - @danceyreagan // a black OC, Mona Mallory, is cute as hell and dating Isaiah Jesus. There’s over half a dozen small fics on danceyreagan’s masterlist about this couple, plus some moodboards.

RADHA CHAKRAVATI x FINN - @peakyarthurs // “It was all about helping a friend in need.” (Indian OC)

UPCOMING FIC PROMOS: 

UNNAMED OC x MICHAEL - [PENDING] @alfiesolcmons​ plans to write a fic set in America, where the OC is a woman of color. More info forthcoming.

EVE CHEN x TOMMY - [PENDING] I plan to write a multichapter fic about Eve Chen, a fiercely guarded and independent Chinese woman who develops an enemies with benefits situation with Tommy. Moodboard here, more info forthcoming.

3. READER x CANON CHARACTER OF COLOR

This is any Peaky imagine that focuses on the relationship between Reader & a canon character of color.

Reader x Isaiah Jesus

🎖 by @birminghamblinders​ 

🎖 notes: haven’t read these imagines but I know birminghamblinders can write

son of a preacher man // Isaiah had been in your life for what seemed like forever, but was really no time at all. 

love, in phases // Isaiah, quite honestly, knew he wanted to marry you from the first time he spoke to you. 

by @blindersbeach​: 

dad’s plan: pt 1 / pt 2

with purpose // “Isaiah and the reader are best friends spending Valentine’s day together, but become more”

by @blinder-baker​

Brown Eyes // Reader reassures Isaiah

🎖 by @blinder-secrets​ 

Perfect // Reader marries Isaiah

🎖 notes: tooth-rotting fluff

by @bonniebird 

untitled // Imagine hiding that you and Isaiah are dating 

by @collecting-stories​

untitled // sex worker Reader falls for Isaiah 

🎖 Visiting // Isaiah meets a black girl from America and is completely smitten: pt 1 / pt 2 🎖 notes: sweet stuff

morning // protective Isaiah

untitled // reader stands up for Isaiah against some racist

by @ijustwant2write​ 

“Let me help you!” // Reader helps her friend get out of an abusive relationship & Isaiah gets caught up in the mix

by on Jordy___9 ao3

A Long Time Wait // Michael x Reader; Michael invites Isaiah to join them, and he agrees to the idea.

by @la-dame-fleur 

untitled // SMUT

by @lucachangretta 

give over // jealous!Isaiah

by @michaelshelbys 

dramatic // in which isaiah jesus is quite frankly sick of sneaking around with the youngest shelby sister

by @nogods--nomasters​

untitled // You and Isaiah having to hide your feelings

“Please don’t cry. I hate to see you cry.” // Shelby sister Reader

“Why are you so nice to me?”

by @peakyxshelby 

Item // Reader is John’s daughter

Forbidden Flame // Reader is a Shelby sister: pt 1 / pt 2 / pt 3 / pt 4

by @peaky-blinders-lit​ 

Savior // country girl gets lost in Birmingham, meets Isaiah

by @shelbylimiited 

blissful unawareness // Reader is a Shelby sister

helping hand // Reader is a barmaid at the Garrison; Isaiah helps

disapproval // Reader is kicked out of her home for dating Isaiah

by @theshelbycompanyltd​

of fire, fighting, and other “f” words // You went to the Shelby wedding in search of a little excitement. You found Isaiah. 

Reader x Jeremiah Jesus

surely somebody has to have written this, and yet I cannot find anything?

Reader x Colonel Ben Younger

the universe is nothing but a vast disappointment. that man was CUTE

4. READER OF COLOR x CANON CHARACTER

This is any Peaky imagine that focuses on the relationship between a Reader of color & a canon character.

Alfie Solomons

by @peaky-yamyam

Wisdom and War // “Alfie falls for a beautiful black lady who is strong, intelligent, curvy, badass, and is as nutcrackers as him”

by @mrschangrettawrites

[PENDING] untitled [promo post] // (Persian reader)

by me

🎖 A Curious Correspondence // WOC reader gets to know Alfie Solomons through writing him letters as a volunteer during the war🎖 notes: I reread this one sometimes for kicks and giggles

by somebody

I KNOW somebody has an adorable fic that I think is titled Habibi which is ROC x Alfie but I can’t for the life of me remember where I saw it???? please send help

Finn Shelby

by @twistedrunes​

untitled // Isaiah’s sister is rescued by Finn.

Isaiah Jesus

Note: These are only the Isaiah Jesus imagines with a reader that is explicitly a POC; see above (pt 3) for all Isaiah Jesus imagines

🎖 by @collecting-stories​ 

Visiting // Isaiah meets a black girl from America and is completely smitten: pt 1 / pt 2

🎖 sweet stuff

John Shelby

by @xxdearlybeloved​

Among the Stars (masterlist, 10 chapters) // the reader is Jeremiah Jesus’ niece, forced to return to Small Heath from London.

Luca Changretta

by @mrschangrettawrites​

Acquisitions // (Turkish reader) “Every person has their purpose, and yours has just come up.”

[PENDING] untitled [promo post] // (Indian reader x Tommy x Luca)

Tommy Shelby

by @mrschangrettawrites

Another Kind of Language // (black reader) “You couldn’t speak the same way others could, but you still knew how to communicate.”

[PENDING] untitled [promo post] // (Indian reader x Tommy x Luca)

5. IN (MESSY) CONCLUSION

Isaiah is deeply beloved by all. do you have any idea how many fucking tabs I had to open to sort through the Isaiah fic and imagines? I had to bust my ASS

WOC are desperately underappreciated, but at least we’re doing better than fucking Steven 

someone: “I want to write fic but I am not a POC/not that kind of POC/unsure of how to do this” 

me: “listen, just use google & your common sense, then you’ll already be 2 steps ahead of steven fucking knight”

AGAIN, if you have any additions, subtractions, recommendations, send me an ask or a message or whatever. talk to me

[sunlitroom]

Gotham – s5e07 – Ace Chemicals

As I watched it, and some random observations here and there.

Previously on Gotham:

In some of the slashiest moments ever slashed until some of the stuff we’ll see later, Jeremiah helped to build a dark island for Bruce and then told him they would rise together. Jim had sex with Barbara. We then hear him tell Lee there’s so many things he’s done that he wishes he could change.  Oh, fuck you, Jim. Lee says they're here now and need to try to put the pieces back together again. Barbara's pregnant. Jim looks at her like he's only just learned that humans can reproduce. Selina reminds us all that Bruce’s parents were murdered.  Selina stabbed Jeremiah. Oswald is apparently leaving Gotham for reasons that are pretty wildly inconsistent with everything we know about him. Jeremiah loves a family reunion..

As always, long post will be long.  There are likely to be rambling digressions. Gobblepot might appear (although I welcome all shippers and non-shippers alike :)).  There will be naked favouritism and naked not-favouritism.  Broader comments at the end on plotlines and parallels and general direction.

A group of people run frantically down the street, their shirts open and chests bloody – a ‘z’ carved into them. Dramatic music plays.  Behind them, someone – framed in the doorway of a warehouse, someone lights rockets which promptly launch into the sky.  They release green gas, and we see the men start to foam at the mouth, clawing at their throats as they fall to the ground.

Jim is at his radio.  He has a brief conversation with a general – asking them how they let Walker operate right under their noses.  The general doesn’t really answer, but says that she’s evaded capture.  Jim replies that with Walker and Durrance out of the picture, they can step in now to help the city.  The general says that he’s beginning that process immediately.  Jim evinces scepticism – but the general says he has the authority to do it….unless something happens to destabilise the situation. The nightmare is about to end.

(An aside.  I usually give plot details a lot of leeway on Gotham because of the nature of the universe – but come on.  The authorities know that Gotham is basically full of frightened, angry starving people – and was riddled with corruption and crime even before the bridges came down. The idea that they’ll only step in if it’s stable is just stupid. )

Jim is walking downstairs with Harvey – who asks if he believes the general.  Jim is non-commital and asks if Alfred's been found. Harvey says no – adding that Bruce has been pulling double shifts on search parties – the kid is dead on his feet

Jim approaches Bruce. Bruce points at a map, and says they need to search this area next – which has a block of abandoned buildings. Jim makes Bruce promise that he’ll rest, saying he needs him sharp - not a liability.

A tired, tearful Bruce tells Jim he doesn’t know what could have happened. Jim points out that Alfred can take care of himself and promises that he will send a team to the area.

Bruce leaves.  Harvey wanders over and says the kid is tough. They’re interrupted by Harper, who says they’ve found something.

 A crime scene.  We see the corpses of the z guys, and Harper points out their false moustaches.  They look at the warehouse they seem to have escaped from – and Jim says it seems to be a film set.  Harper says the letters were carved into the men’s chests before death.

Harvey suggests Victor. Jim says he never figured Zsasz for a cinephile.  I don’t know, Jim.  Victor is actually pretty well-rounded.  I can imagine him having a lot of interests.

Anyway Jim wants whatever this is stopped before it threatens reunification.

He also notices a chess piece tattoo.  Harvey remarks that the Chessmen are a Narrows gang, and says that there's someone they can ask about that.  I'm entertained by seeing how many contrived ways they can think to bring Lee into the storyline in some way.  

Bruce is walking down a street.  Is this the street in the area he mentioned?  Did he go get some rest?  Not sure.

He steps on a newspaper, and it catches his eyes.  He picks it up – and sees that it’s carrying the story about his parents’ murder.  Looking round, he sees the copies of the page pasted to the walls.  Turning, he sees his parents walk past the alley, laughing.  He runs after them – following them to a subway.

He runs downstairs.  The station name is apparently Stockton.  David Stockton is the cinematographer for this episode.

Bruce loses his parents, but finds himself in the room where Jeremiah was building his tunnel.  A foreboding-looking passage is now in place. Bruce sees a pearl on the floor, and immediately hares off down the passage.

 At the hospital, where Lee is now working.  She heads into a ward to see a patient, and also finds Barbara waiting there.  Barbara comments that it’s interesting to see her there.  Lee says it’s what she does: help people.

(An aside.  But the show just spent a season trying to show us that as well as having an impulse to help others – Lee also enjoyed power, and danger.  She’s fully capable of violence, and is excited by darkness.  It was hinted at way back in season one – when she was thrilled by Jerome’s confession, carried through in her willingness to continue a relationship with a man she knew to be a double-murderer, and alluded to again when she seemed pretty pleased about her mob ties through marrying Mario.  It was actually honest-to-God consistent, and last season really brought all that to fruition.  It seems, though, we’re going to forget all that characterisation now. Sorry, Lee.  Back to being the ‘good’ love interest.)

Lee shrugs Barbara off – telling her she has patients.  Barbara says she surely wouldn't kick Jim's baby momma to the kerb.   Lee says whatever happened between them is none of her concern, so if she’s here to gloat….

Barbara says she’s here for medical assistance for her little nugget.  That’s a terrible pet name, Barbara.  All it does is make people think about chicken.  She wants Lee to be her obgyn.  Lee says she can’t be serious – she tried to kill her twice.  Barbara says that was years ago.  Lee tries to fob her off – but Barbara says that whatever she thinks of her, her child is innocent. She wants the best - and that means Lee.

Lee asks if Jim knows she’s here. Barbara says it’s none of his business – and at that precise moment Jim comes in looking for Lee.

Lee?

Barbara turns, and Jim gives a pinched and sour Barbara

Barbara tells him he's interrupting a dr/patient meeting.

I'm sorry - you're her doctor?

Lee frowns

Yes, no - maybe?

(Clunk. That line felt so written)

They all stand about staring at each other, needlessly eating up screen-time on a foregone conclusion – it’s like a live-action demonstration of a love triangle.

Jim says a body turned up – it’s Narrows connection or he wouldn't have come.  Lee says that you two need to talk - I'll be outside

Barbara says she'd rather not – but Lee says if she wants her as her doctor, then she’ll talk to the baby's father.  That seems wrong in all sorts of ways.  Lee tells her the first appointment is next week, and the nurse will give her vitamins when she leaves.

Lee leaves the room – Barbara walks to the window and stares out.

Jim chides her – she’s the only one you could find?  That…. sort of shows scant regard for Barbara and your child’s welfare, Jim, and equally scant regard for Lee’s skills as a doctor.

Barbara retorts that she's the best, and that not everything is about Jim Gordon

Jim says this is.  Barbara says she told him because he deserved to know, but his involvement ended the moment he put his pants back on.  It’s entirely possible, to be honest, that Barbara was initially open to more involvement – but then Jim treated her like a bad smell last episode, so it’s maybe understandable that she’s pulled away.

Jim shakes his head. Barbara frowns, confused for a moment – then it dawns on her.

You don't think I'm fit to be a mother

Jim looks at her with an expression which is equal parts snide and judgemental.

What do you think?  

Barbara stares at him for a moment, stung, and then walks swiftly away.

He seems to realise that this was not the thing to have said – and calls after her, but she’s gone.

(An aside – OK.  This is a clusterfuck and I feel like whining about it.

We all know where they want to go with this.  Barbara will be morally redeemed just enough to be shown as caring about her baby. However, something will likely happen to her, and Jim and Lee – by that point back together – will end up raising her child – the good and moral parents the baby should have.

Aside from how squicky that all is, the problem with this is that Jim’s determination to look at Barbara as if she’s the lowest of the low makes no sense whatsoever given

1. His own moral dubiousness. Jim has a double murder he’s never faced justice for.  He went to Carmine Falcone for help because he couldn’t bear losing a pissing contest to Oswald.  He was personally and professionally allied with Sofia Falcone.  In the context of parenthood – this is a woman who was using an orphanage as a front for criminal activities.  In essence, using children as a human shield.

2. We know that he’s likely comparing Lee and Barbara and thinking that Lee would make a wonderful mother, while Barbara is unfit.  The problem with this is that while the writers might be having some selective amnesia - season 4 happened.  We saw Lee go on a bank robbery spree.  We saw her shoot Sofia Falcone in the head in cold blood.  We saw her have an affair with the man who was not only responsible for the death of her ‘friend’ Kristen, but whom she also knew to be vulnerable and mentally unstable.  Whatever criteria Jim is using to make his unfit judgement – if Barbara fails, then so does Lee.

The final problem with this is that (on top of their history) for Jim to recently have formed a tenuous relationship with Barbara – going to her for help, talking to her, trusting her… and then turn and tell her he thinks she would be an unfit mother is just low.  Sorry – but it just is.  It’s incredibly shitty behaviour no matter how you look at it.  

Given how invested Barbara was in their relationship – she even had a healthy eating plan for him once they were married – it’s highly likely she daydreamed about them having a baby.  Telling him she was pregnant, all of it.  What she’s got instead is having to go through this nightmarish version what she once dreamt about – with Jim looking at her like he’s repulsed by what he’s done and wishes she would just disappear.  A mockery of the life she thought she’d have. They’re never really going to revisit her mental health issues in any serious way, but if anything would push her to breaking point – it’s this.

In terms of knock-on effects on characterisation – it just makes it hard to root for Jim in any way when he’s being such a self-righteous hypocrite.  One of the main reasons I never really enjoyed the Jim/Lee ship before is that – of all the shared characteristics the writers could have fixed on to define them – the one that always came across most strongly when they were together was a shared sense of moral superiority.  It’s really hard not to dislike that – and I don’t want to dislike either of them.

Bruce emerges from the passage into the fireplace at Wayne Manor – to see his parents sitting in the drawing room.  He asks who they are.  Bruce’s father smiles at him

Hello champ

Bruce's dad looks sleazy. Why does he look so sleazy?  

Alfred walks in, chiding Bruce for looking so dishevelled.  Bruce asks him desperately what’s happening.  Alfred tells him to spruce up – since they have a guest.

He turns – and there’s Jeremiah, watching from the wings.

Welcome home, Bruce

Jeremiah - you're alive

Jeremiah asks if Bruce really thought Selina could kill him.  He needs to finalise his project.

Bruce lunges at him.  Jeremiah visibly startles.  Alfred holds him back.  Jeremiah’s brought a gift – which turns out to be a bomb.  Bruce tries any funny business, and Jeremiah will blow up Wayne Manor with them all inside.

Jeremiah then explains that the couple are just an unlucky couple he kidnapped and surgically altered. Alfred was nabbed in the Green Zone. Jervis hypnotised them all.

He goes on to say it’s a very important day.  Look at the way they're dressed: it’s the night they were killed.  You’re going to experience it all over again

Why?

Isn't it obvious?  Bruce – this… was the most important day of your life, and I didn't get to be part of it

(Whoa. What can you really add to that?)

Jeremiah recovers himself and tells Alfred it’s time for dinner, while Bruce stares at him.

 A pier, where Oswald watches with binoculars as a boat is blown up.  A bored Selina says three for three.

The government was apparently very thorough when it mined the river.  The government mined the river?  This plot is honestly demented.

Selina asks why he didn’t make an escape plan before he stole everyone's crap.  I honestly have no idea, Selina.  It’s pretty inconsistent with what we know of Oswald

He claims that he was working on it, remarking that anything flown out is also blown from the sky.  

An idea strikes Selina – Jeremiah’s tunnel.  She tells Oswald about it.  He scoffs, but has no better idea.  Selina tells him to meet her in the Dark Zone at night.  

He agrees, and then looks back out at the water.

Oh look – he’s swimming to shore

There’s an explosion, and Oswald winces as Selina rolls her eyes.

In the Narrows with Lee and Jim.  He’s not taken backup because he wants to keep a low profile: the Narrows is now chaos. Lee sighs that all her work was for nothing.  Well, there was that sense of self-importance.

They hear noises.  We see some random guys – who Lee says are the Chessmen’s main rivals.  They watch warily from a distance until Jim – bafflingly – decides this is the best time for a personal chat.

About the thing with Barbara

Lee raises a hand to stop him – don’t – but Jim says it’s important to him that she understands.  See, it’s like this  – it was really useful to rely on Barbara when he didn’t have any other support, and super-handy when she rolled in and saved his life, and sex in his office was a nice moment of release and comfort and affection when he was really low…..but now Lee’s back he’s realised again that Barbara is ew, and he wants to make sure she knows that.

Lee asks him what he’s going to do.  Jim says he doesn’t know – it’s his child too.

Lee purses her mouth and says that Barbara has a different opinion, before frowning and commenting that people change.

Jim says that she doesn’t know her like he does.  

Lee rolls her eyes and says he can say that again.  Because they had sex recently?  I mean, that was the case before Jim met Lee, too – they were engaged.  That line was just stupid.  

(An aside - Honestly, the writing around this whole story is dreadful.  I know that the truncated season has meant they’ve had to compress storylines, but – equally – you work with what you’ve got and adjust. There was no need to give us Baby Gordon this season.  We could still have imagined it as an event that happened in the future – or Jim could have adopted an orphan.  Equally, if they’re so intent on Jim and Lee, they could have taken things more slowly and left us with the clear indication that they were mending their relationship – but instead they’re going to hurl us towards a wedding.)  

They hear a noise and turn to see a chalked rook on a wall.  This honestly made me snort out loud.  What a scary gang.  Apparently a rook at a funny angle means they’re headed northeast.  Jim and Lee set off in pursuit.

 At Wayne Manor, Alfred lights candles on the kitchen table.

Jeremiah sighs, and tells Bruce that Alfred has been sharing stories about his childhood.  How – if it was just the family, they’d eat at the kitchen table

How… homey, and intimate

The line could be taken as a sneer, but it’s not delivered that way.  Jeremiah is leaning forward, eyes shining, gazing at Bruce.  He waits for a moment before choosing the word homey – and it’s delivered with sincerity and approval – praising Bruce’s childhood days. Intimate – by dint of the word – points rather more towards what Jeremiah wants to create now, which is only reinforced by him leaning towards Bruce – eyes wide and shiny.

Alfred interrupts the moment rather by putting a cheese and pickle toastie on the table. It’s Bruce’s favourite, apparently, due to Alfred’s influence.

I fucking love a cheese and pickle sandwich, and I don’t have either in the kitchen.

Alfred says that Thomas added aioli for flair.  What? That would be terrible.  Are we sure Thomas was a good guy?  He looks really slimy – and putting aioli in a cheese and pickle toastie is frankly upsetting.

Jeremiah laughs delightedly, and when Bruce looks at him comments

Come on, Bruce.  That’s a weird favourite food for a 12 year old.  I mean – it would have been near the #1 spot for me.  Maybe even occupying it.

Bruce says he’s playing his game, but he can let the others go – they’re innocent.  Jeremiah refuses – saying he needs the details right. Just one final touch.  He nods towards Bruce’s mother- who is smiling as Bruce’s father fastens her pearls around her neck.

Bruce tears up

Jeremiah’s tone is serious

What was it like?  Losing your parents that night?  I lost my family too, Bruce.

Bruce’s eyes close – not able to bear the weight of all this right now.

(An aside. I know all the Batman/Joker stuff is all sort of ready and prepared for Gotham – but they have done this well.  This little moment here was excellent. Before the big shift in Jeremiah’s personality, Bruce and he had started to forge a relationship.  Bruce was visiting him – was concerned about his fixation on Jerome.  Jeremiah seemed very taken with Bruce.  They were bonding and had some key similarities in their personalities: preternaturally intelligent, solemn, quiet, traumatic family pasts. It’s possible that Bruce had maybe considered Jeremiah someone he could confide in one day about the loss of his parents. Jeremiah mentioning this similarity now must feel like pressing on a bruise.)

Jeremiah looks sad as he comments that the wound still hasn't healed – he thinks about it often.

Bruce says none of this is real – and Jeremiah is trying to manipulate him.  Jeremiah’s expression is that of a child who has just been told off – resentful, and watery-eyed.

Bruce adds that it will never be real.  Jeremiah smiles and tells him that he only needs him to be thinking about that night – but his control cracks, and he leans towards Bruce abruptly, grasping his collar.

I just want to be connected to you!  I offered to you to be my best friend.

He collects himself and leans back

If we can't be friends – we can be connected in other ways

A million new fics were just started on Ao3 with that opening line.  

Bruce frowns

How?

Jeremiah smiles

You’ll see - in time

(An aside – half seriously, half in jest.  I know the Batman/Joker relationship is often played for nudge/wink giggles - but honestly, they’ve been so blatant here: wouldn’t the simplest way to derail this very elaborate plot be leaning forward and just planting a kiss on Jeremiah?  Because they can dance round it with talk of brothers and friends, but it seems clear that Jeremiah had fallen head over heels with Bruce virtually on first meeting, and then the gas twisted that into something obsessive and dark. He’s spent a long time on this plan – but he’s desperate for some kind of connection with Bruce.  It would have, at the very least, knocked him off his stride.)

Jeremiah takes a quick bite and makes an impressed face.  See.  Not entirely lost his humanity if he can acknowledge the greatness of cheese and pickle.

He puts it back down, though, and says he has to cut tonight short – we have a very important date with destiny

Making quickly for the door, he suggests Bruce find his butler and leave immediately before arming the bomb and running off.

Bruce’s eyes widen and he yells for Alfred.

Lee and Jim get to Ace Chemicals.  Inside, we see lots of guys making green stuff. Jim grabs one to question him – but all he’ll say is

Tick tock, chemical stock

Will give our Gotham an aftershock

Jim audibly deduces Jervis’ influence.  We hear applause

My my, what a thrill

Jim Gordon and the woman

He told me to kill

Jervis reminisces a little, then orders them captured.  Lee is grabbed and restrained.  A roller-skated Ecco beats Jim around the head.  Lee calls his name worriedly.

At Sirens Selina tells Barbara about Oswald’s plan.  Barbara asks why she’s helping – but Selina says it’s a ruse.  Tabitha was her friend too - she wants to gut the twerp

(Yes - Tabitha was really there for Selina.  We didn’t even get a line from her mentioning a visit, or wondering how she felt during her recovery.)

and take his loot

Barbara says they don’t have a way out – but Selina says they’ll find one

Barbara’s eyes light up – she likes this idea.

Get out together…. away from Jim, with our riches - Oswald dead in a ditch….just two single ladies and a baby who’ve killed their sworn enemy.

Selina pulls a face.  Barbara asks what?

It’s just that…. you’re pregnant

Don’t start!

Bruce convinces a hypnotised Alfred to leave by telling them there’s a gas leak. They run down the passage not a moment too soon as the bombs all detonate. There goes stately Wayne Manor.

(Out of curiosity, how old is Wayne Manor meant to be?  I know it can’t be that old)

In the passage, Bruce and Alfred are knocked to the ground by the force of the explosion  Alfred comes round, having regained his memory – and states his intention to shove Jervis’s watch up his ass next time they meet. Alfred asks if he’s alright. Bruce falters for a moment as he says the manor….

Alfred replies

Don’t worry about that now, son

Bruce points out that his leg is hurt – but Alfred reassures him again.

Bruce hugs him impulsively.

I thought I lost you

Alfred smiles at him

Me? Never

He then urges Bruce to find Jeremiah

You know where he's going to be at

That’s a weird construction for Alfred to use.  I don’t think Brits would ever add the ‘at’ unless they were consciously copying the American phrase.

Back at Ace Chemicals, Jim and Lee are tied to a pole, yet still failing to generate any tension.

Jervis wonders aloud if he should hypnotise them and  have them slit each other's necks.  Ecco laughs, but tells him to check with the Boss, who might have other ideas.

Jim tells Lee he’s sorry he got her involved.  She tells him not to be.  He says he has something to tell her.  She tells him to save it for when they make it out of here.

Jim tries to goad Jervis – calling him an errand boy.  Jervis shakes his head. He’s no errand boy.  This is simply a way to have fun.

Lee chips in, to signal to us that Jim and Lee are so close that they both think the same way without needing to communicate.

You can tell yourself that – but without your games and rhymes – you’re just a second-rater in a silly hat

Jervis tells her to shut up. For some reason – I find his sulky snappishness hot. Generally, though, I find Jervis hits the button that bypasses rational thought and just sends hormones flying.  Stupid sexy casting decisions.

Ecco whispers something to him. Jervis laughs.

He turns to Lee, and tells her she does intrigue him.  First a doctor, then the Queen of the Narrows.  Is she running from her past when she becomes someone new?  I mean – I think Lee had an identity crisis after the Tetch virus revealed her taste for darkness – but I would  argue that attempting to atone for her sins by setting up home in the Narrows and exploring this new facet of herself was more development than it was running away?  Running away would have been taking up a medical post in some other city.

He holds up his watch and begins to hypnotise them.

Selina and Oswald break into the building where Selina found Jeremiah.  They spot the tunnel, but hesitate when they hear someone coming towards them.

Alfred?

A dishevelled Alfred asks what she’s doing here, and with that?  Seems unnecessarily rude, Alfred.

Alfred tells an aghast Selina what’s happened – and adds that Bruce could use her help.  As she leaves – Oswald reaches out to hold her arm wait

Selina put her knife to his throat

You think because I didn’t kill Jeremiah – I won’t kill you?

(This line made little sense)

Alfred tries to calm her, but she goes on

You killed my friend Tabitha – you deserve to die

(Honest to God – this has been the most irritating plot point ever.  Look – if we hadn’t seen Oswald do it, and been left with a murder mystery, then everyone in town would have been a suspect, because Tabitha was so utterly obnoxious to anyone who crossed her path.  No.  One. Cares)

Alfred entreats her to put the knife down

Bruce needs you

Oswald stares at her as she leaves, and turns to Alfred

I suppose I should thank you

Alfred asks him to help him to the Green Zone

Oswald presumably hasn’t forgotten being described as that – and gestures exaggeratedly

It's that way

He leaves

Bruce enters a cinema where his parents are watching the show.  It’s Douglas Fairbanks in the Mask of Zorro – apparently one of Bruce’s favourites.  Jeremiah has reenacted the whole film.

He struts towards the camera – asking Bruce what intrigued him about the character?  His ability to strike fear in the heart of his enemies. It was maybe too effective – because this is when Bruce got too frightened and asked to leave.  What if he had conquered his fear?  Maybe his parents would still be alive.  

His parents leave, and Bruce follows.

 Bruce and Jeremiah come to a halt in the alley

That’s far enough, Bruce

You don’t have to do this!

But I - I do.  I came to a realisation.  I realised no matter what I did to bond us - some random gunman in an alley would be the man you were tied to the most, the man you saw when you closed your eyes.  I want to be the star of the show!

(*Blinks*  I mean.  I don’t think you can really get more intense than telling someone that you’re jealous that they see another man when they close their eyes.)

So, if I can't have you as a brother - bonded by love

(Hahahahahaha.  What?  No. That’s no fraternal relationship ever)

Then we'll just have to be bonded by hatred

Bruce asks if he thinks killing two people who look like his parents will really do that.  Jeremiah retorts that he put a bullet in their fraudulent skulls.  He smiles widely – so then….

Who's this lovely couple?

Bruce stares as they turn. It’s….

Jim and Lee.  They're meant to look hypnotised and dead-eyed, but – honestly - the chemistry levels are around the same as usual.

Jeremiah says it was a happy coincidence that he ran into them.  If Harvey had been with Jim, as would have been the norm, would we be seeing him in a camel coat and pearls right now?  Hair in a chignon?

Jeremiah says he’ll kill the man who’s Bruce’s second father – as well as his dear friend, Lee Thompkins. Jeremiah’s obviously not thinking clearly due to all the drama and raging hormones – since Alfred is Bruce’s second father, and he doesn’t really know Lee very well, but the writers are pretty desperate to re-establish Jim and Lee as a couple in the audience’s eyes, so Jeremiah can get a pass here.  Also – he’s about to take a very unpleasant bath, so we’ll cut him some slack.  

Jeremiah tells Bruce they’ll finally be bound.  We hear a horn nearby and see Ecco.  Jeremiah tells him Gotham will soon be cut off forever when he contaminates it with toxic chemicals.

We Selina lurking on stairs at the side of the building.  Bruce pleads with him

Jeremiah – don’t

Jeremiah adds that the piece de resistance is that he asked Jervis to make sure the hypnosis wore off the moment the pearls hit the ground – so he could see them realise what had happened as the life drained from them.  He smiles at him

Never forget – this is all for you, Bruce

Bruce tackles him – but it’s Selina who saves the day, trapping his wrist with her whip

Jeremiah and Bruce fight.  As the pearls hit the ground, Jim and Lee come out of their trance.  Ecco hits the switch, and Jeremiah runs.  The countdown starts. Jim runs for the truck – telling Bruce to go after Jeremiah while Jim will take the truck.  He tells Lee to get to Harvey and warn the people.  Lee is left behind, plaintively yelling Jim!  Oh dear. Back to Lee 1.0.

Bruce yells at Jeremiah to face him.  Jeremiah turns for a split second

Here, Bruce

Before continuing into the warehouse, chased by Bruce.

The countdown reaches zero as Jim drives for the end of the pier.  Jim jumps out of the truck and lets it continue into the water.  He stares out as it sinks.

 Ace Chemicals

Jeremiah - this ends tonight

No - now it begins

Bruce and Jeremiah fight. Bruce gets the best of Jeremiah, who lies on the ground.  For a man who just got a beating, Jeremiah is making some distinctly unpained noises, and repeatedly asking Bruce

Do you feel it?  The connection between us?  You do - don't you?  Bruce  - you feel it, tell me you feel it

There’s lots of panting and straddling and… yes.  It’s not exactly subtle.

Bruce leans into his face

You mean nothing to me

Jeremiah rises up and head butts him

Why don't you understand?

He presses Bruce against the railing, which we see is broken on one side.

You need me.  I’m the answer to your life's question.  Without me, you’re just…. a, a joke

He looks anguished

Without a punchline

He swings punch.  Bruce dodges it, which means Jeremiah pitches towards the broken railing.  It can’t take his weight, and he topples through – into the vat of chemicals below.

Bruce looks over – staring into the vat as we hear horrible sizzling noises.

(An aside – it’s an interesting choice.  Bruce didn’t intentionally push him over, nor was he given the chance to save him.)

Back at the pier, Jim stares at the now toxic water.  I’m not sure that was better, Jim.

The library, where we see Ed. He has a visitor.

After all this time, you come to me for help.  After allowing Strange to put a chip in my head. After selling me out to Gordon - and after naming a dog after me

Oswald purses his mouth.

First of all – I’m fond of that dog – I had Hugo save your life, and did you really think I didn’t have plan to save from Jim Gordon?

His face and expressions are over-exaggerated for that last one.  He’s lying, and Ed knows it.

You always have an answer for everything

Oswald says they have been through all of this before.  Fate has different plans for them.

Ed asks what the plans are. Oswald answers.

Haven't you realised yet that Gotham is a prison?  It’s time we escaped

GCPD – where Jim stares out. Lee approaches.  She heard the news about reunification being delayed for months, now.  She tells Jim it could have been worse – but he stopped it.  Jim comments that they’re right back where they started.

Lee asks what he was about to say to her when Tetch had them.  Jim says he doesn’t know.  He then adds that he would say what he said the last time they saw each other: he wishes he could go back and do things better.

Lee says that feels like a long time ago.  Jim insists nothing has changed.  Lee disagrees

But it has, Jim

Jim says it was a mistake. Ugh, Jim.  Just ugh.

Lee asks him to put himself in her shoes.  After all you said – a baby with Barbara, of all people

I mean, Lee just had a pretty serious affair with the man who had Jim unjustly sent to prison?  Am I supposed to have forgotten that?  Does it not count if there’s no pregnancy?

Jim looks down, and half-refers to what might have happened if they hadn’t lost their child.  They should really steer clear of this. Gotham hasn’t got the chops to deal with a miscarriage storyline.

Jim asks Lee what she’s doing here.  She says she doesn't know.  He’s taken on so much, and she wants to be understanding – but he let her down. When?  The whole Mario thing?  Sofia? A one night stand with Barbara when he thought that she was dead?

Jim apologises again. He then asks what that means for them. She says she guesses they have to live with it.  As she makes to leave, he reaches out to her arm to stop her.  In a really weird moment, she turns and slaps him.  What was that about?  Was that scene supposed to have been played with simmering sexual tension, or something, so her reaction is based in adrenaline?  If so – it hasn’t worked – because the scene was flat as a pancake, and the slap just seemed bizarre.

In generic romance plot fashion, the slap leads to a kiss.  Who’d have thought it? I was on the edge of my seat the whole time.

Bruce and Selina stand at the beside of a scarred and bandaged Jeremiah.  He apparently has no brain activity, and is no longer a threat. Bruce thanks her for coming to help him.

Selina looks down, and tells him that the night parents were killed – she should have done something.

Bruce looks tenderly at her and tells her she’s done enough.  Selina looks down and smiles.

 Oswald and Ed stride into City Hall

It’s not much, but it’s home

Barbara is sitting at his desk

I’ve been looking through your treasure trove – you’ve been a naughty boy

She tells him that she and Selina are going murder halfsies  

She points her gun at Oswald – but can’t immediately pull the trigger.

Ed’s jaw drops

Oh my God.  You're pregnant!

Oswald gapes.  Barbara stares

How could possibly know that?

Ed gestures like it’s the most obvious thing ever

You’re glowing!  He turns quickly to Oswald to reiterate it, she’s glowing.

Oswald hilariously squints at her.

Barbara re-aims

Adieu Owald.

Oswald tries to negotiate

Come with us!

I like how Oswald’s initial escape plan was very clearly just for him and his dog – and as people have found out about it, and as he’s realised he has no idea how to go about it, he’s gradually wound up having to let more people in on it.  The submarine’s going to have to get bigger than planned.  Ed’s going to want to bring Lucius. Selina will want to bring Bruce, who’ll want to bring Alfred.....

He acknowledges that he killed Tabitha – and that Barbara wants revenge, but she also doesn’t want to raise her child in a toxic warzone.  And just like that, Oswald afforded more consideration for Barbara’s maternal instinct than Jim.

Barbara asks if they’ve found a way out.  Ed brandishes the blueprints for a submarine that can track mines using sonar

Barbara asks where it is. Oswald eyes flit off round the room as he realises that this next part won’t sound good.

Ed pipes up

We have to build it

Barbara is not impressed.

Yeah  - I’m gonna shoot you

Oswald squeezes his eyes closed – but Barbara still can’t pull the trigger.  She stares in consternation at her hand

What is happening…?

Oswald opens his eyes, and gestures towards her bump

Perhaps…..?

Barbara snaps that it was a rhetorical question.  She says she won’t shoot him for the sake of her child – but she’ll never forgive him

Oswald’s fine with this, and nods his head

I understand

Barbara’s exasperated with everything and leaves.

Oswald calls after her in an attempt to cement these new friendlier relations

So who's the lucky father?

Ed leans a little to the side to watch her go and presumably to hear her reply – but all they get is a

Shut up

 General Observations

I want to be star of the show!

Kudos to CM – who is amazing here.  It would be too easy to play Jeremiah as just flat-out villainous.  But he’s not.  Gotham dances around by using ‘best friend’ and ‘brother’, but – let’s be honest – neither of those remotely cover the jealousy he feels over Bruce seeing another man when he closes his eyes at night.  Jeremiah is in love with Bruce.  Desperately. He longs for connection. The way in which he expresses that is monstrous, twisted by the gas, but the need itself is human and recognisable.  As such, he stays – on some level, at least – sympathetic.

Oswald

The idea that Oswald is desperate to leave the city because he suddenly feels it is a prison is way more believable than him feeling he’s conquered everything.  Oswald’s stints in Arkham were hideously traumatising. Anything that feels like a prison is something he’ll want to escape immediately.

Barbara (and Jim, and Lee)

And then you have the nerve to tell me, you think that as a mother – I’m unfit.  Well this is just a little Peyton Place, and you’re all Harper Valley Hypocrites

What a mess

Jim’s insinuation that Barbara is an unfit mother is low, lousy and rotten.  No-one would say she’s squeaky clean, but barring Harper and Lucius – no-one is.  Jim and Lee have three murders between them.  He’s being a self-righteous hypocrite and is horribly lacking in any compassion or decency.

The show is longing to fall into its usual Madonna/Whore thing with Barbara and Lee – but in order to do this, it’s having to conveniently forget about what Lee got up to last season. Now – given that we remember this, having her fling lines around like Barbara, of all people when she spent last season having a pretty serious affair with Ed, who framed Jim and murder her friend, makes her seem like the worst kind of moral hypocrite.

Jim and Lee

I am what would be termed ‘old fandom’.  I am used to my preferred pairings living exclusively in fanfic.  I have no expectation of seeing them become canon. I don’t harass creators online for them to become canon.  I don’t claim they should become a ship because they’re somehow more morally worthy than other ships.  I’m happy to watch canon, and then toddle off to read and write fic about them, as well as indulging in meta.

As such, while I ship Gobblepot – I’ve said, for a couple of seasons now, that Jim and Lee are likely endgame.  I was surprised they weren’t back together at the end of season three.  The show is insistent that Barbara’s not morally retrievable as a romantic interest at this point.  At the same time – they’re big on designated romance: Jim has to be in a relationship.  This is par for the course, and not something that especially bothers me.  Like I said – this is why we have fanfic.

But wow – the execution is just so bad.  We’re given thin reasons to mesh their plotlines, which also have the knock-on effect of temporarily dumping Harvey and Lucius out of the story.  The past is retconned to create a partnership: Alfred is Bruce’s second father figure, not Jim – and he barely knows Lee.  A chunk of Lee’s characterisation – her fascination with darkness – has been cut out and binned.  A whole mess of unresolved issues have been swept under the carpet.  

The scene wrapping it up was pretty execrable, to be honest.  Aside from being flat as a pancake, it consisted almost entirely of some very generic questions answered with a variety of ‘don’t knows’.  Why are you here?  What were you going to say to me?  What does this mean for us? Neither seemed entirely sure – then we wrapped up with a confusing slap and a compulsory kiss lifted from any generic romance you care to name.

If you put to the side the fact that it’s cute because the actors are married in rl – the in-universe foundation for this is non-existent at this point.  They could write it as two traumatised people in a harsh situation finding some comfort in familiarity, trying to recreate a simpler time in the past when they were happier with themselves - which would be interesting and emotionally-engaging, but they’re determined to sell it as a grand passionate romance that’s written in the stars, and that’s where it falls down.  It just feels so perfunctory.  And it’s particularly glaring when it’s juxtaposed here with the tight-knit and complicated and tender relationship Bruce has with Selina, or Jeremiah’s frighteningly intense passion for Bruce.

More interesting than wherever they take that next week will be how Bruce deals with the aftermath of all that’s happened, and the building of a rapidly-expanding submarine.

Thoughts?

[middlearthmerchant95]

like hell; ch1

“You’re crazy...”

“So are you sweetheart”.

Jerome Valeska x OC

Summary: The Maniacs of Gotham, a load of bullshit in Grace’s eyes. That is until she’s one of them. But what peace can she find among monsters just like herself? A monster she wishes she wasn’t. But a monster that someone loves..

Word count: 3,667

Rating: Teen/Mature

Warnings: mentions of violence, swearing, Arkham in general (insanity kind of stuff)

A/N: This story is literally 2 years in the making and I’m finally starting to post the chapters. I know everyone is all into Jeremiah now (love him) but this story was started a long time ago and I know we all still love Jerome so. I hope everyone reads it and enjoys it, my writing has really improved and I’m so proud of this, I hope you all like and reblog it. It’ll be an ongoing story so be ready. XOXO

Good behavior. That’s what this was. Staring down at a silver square plate that consisted of brown mush, saltines, and room temperature tap. This was my reward for good behavior. After months of complying, taking my meds, and staying quiet when I wanted to scream, I was written off for having this so called “good behavior”. But the more that phrase crossed my mind the more unreal of a term it really seemed. Like all things in my life I guess.

But despite the less appetizing and probably unedible meal before me, I was happy. Happy because my meal wasn’t slid under the door in the pitch black, happy because when I heard a voice nearby it wasn’t the sad realization of it just being in my head. Because this was the goal on my slow and lethargic mission to good behavior: being released from solitary confinement. And as I sipped on my stale water with the rim of the thin paper cup almost soggy against my lips, I couldn’t help but feel a little pleased with my accomplishments.

“No, no! Shut up, n-not now!”

I turned to my left at the voice beside me, a frown forming on my face as I overlooked the lanky man as he tried desperately to cover his ears.

“Bunny, keep it down. If the guards hear you yelling at the voices they’re gonna throw you back in, you know what happened last time..” I explained to him gently.

He shuddered in his seat, scratching at his arms while he looked at me with wide worried eyes. “I-I know, I know G-Gracey.. They just keep talking and, I-I dunno” he stuttered out. I watched him while he rocked back and forth on the bench, peering over his shoulder every now and then to get a glance at the guards. If he got any more anxious then it wasn’t going to turn out well for him.

“Hey, cut it out. Sit still freak”.

A guards first warning. Which meant the next one wasn’t gonna be any nicer.

“I said sit still freak!”

“P-please! Leave me alone please! I c-can’t help it!” Bunny wailed, his body now violently rocking back and forth. The guard came out of nowhere in the corner of my eye, appearing behind Bunny, and the moment my eye caught a glance at the taser in his hand I turned my head as quick as I could. But when the taser reached Bunny there was nothing I could do to not know it was happening, the sounds of his screams and the zap from the taser was just enough as the guards dragged him away.

Closing my eyes for a moment I let everything slide away, letting out a slow breath as the moment evaporated like swallowing a dry pill; slowly and painfully. I dropped my face into my hands while I looked down at my half empty cup of water. Even if things started out good, it would always turn out bad some way. This place was a perfect example of that. When I came in they wouldn’t stop preaching about there being hope, that no one was excluded from it and help was always going to be available to us. But it didn’t take long to learn that it was all just bullshit. There was no hope. At all. We’re all just as insane as when we came in, lots of us even worse. And now look at Bunny, a good morning and a good afternoon just for it to end with more pain and suffering. No one to soothe his cries, no one to dull his pain, just a straight jacket and some drugs to aid in all of his problems. And somehow, my cup looked even emptier…

I wanna leave.

Stop. Not now I don’t wanna hear it.

I shoved the thought away as quick as it came and as hard as it tried to linger. The one thing these drugs couldn’t fucking get rid of. And for someone who’s been here 5 years you’d wonder why I had those thoughts anyways.

Pushing the thought even further back I finished off the last of the mush and crackers on my plate and swiftly slid off of the bench; it was probably best for me to be somewhere else now, somewhere where my thoughts couldn’t bug me..

My rested legs took me where I needed to be, walking down the long, cold, guard lined hallway away from the rec room and into somewhere much more warmer and a lot more appealing. At least to me. The one inmate who visited it.

The Arkham Asylum Library. Well, more or less. It could easily be, Arkham’s Book Cupboard, but it was something. And I appreciated it nonetheless.

It’s only been established for 3 years, but still, it seemed to be my only salvation in this hell hole. The one place where I could reach out beyond the confines of these walls and into somewhere better, somewhere where I wasn’t insane, or angry or scared. It was a salvation to me. And today as I looked it over while I stood in the doorway, it seemed to look a bit brighter.

The walls were the same: cold, gray and dank. The six book shelves were draped in a fine blanket of dust that was still unbothered, but there were tiny details I could spot that told me things were different, better in a way. But I was the only one who came here anyways so of course I noticed. Tucked into the far corner of the room now sat a soft worn in leather chair, and next to it a dark green reading lamp, its glow making the chair look even warmer than it should be. And while these both added to the otherwise dull environment, it’s not what caught my eye in the first place. I walked till I stood right before the book shelf, the dust mixed with the old book smell heavy with my senses. Then my gaze found it, six brand new books settled right in front of me on the middle shelf where it was once empty.

I reached out to run my fingers down the spine of one book when a soft voice called out and stopped me in my tracks.

“I see you’ve found our new arrivals already”.

My hand dropped and I turned to the doorway, Ms.Claire the librarian standing there with her small arms wrapped around a book and the peek of a smile on her face. “Anything peak your interest?” She asked coyly.

“Mm.. I’m not too sure yet” I replied.

Her eyes turned down to the book she held then looked up at me with a confident smile. “Well, maybe this one will”. She came over to me briskly, her eyes down at the book, uncaring of my own actions like most of the staff here. All of them are slow and careful walking up to me, eyes trained onto me like a guard dog. But not her, she’s the only one not scared of me. I couldn’t thank her enough for that alone.

“Open your hands” she said. “And close your eyes”. I did what she said, and before I knew it a heavy book was placed in my hand; a hardcover, I could feel it, so it was even heavier than it looked. “Now open and look down”.

What happiness I could have I was feeling right now. An abnormal warmness in my heart that thrummed gently, only stopping for a moment as I took in the book in my hands. It was big of course, and the hardcover looked brand new. And in large beautiful shiny words along the top it read: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. The fourth book in the series, and the one I haven’t read yet..

I couldn’t think of anything to say, I really couldn’t, it all seemed lost in the moment. This was a book I wanted to read for so long, it almost feels like a past life with how long it’s been. I was supposed to have read this book long time ago… “I.. I don’t know how to thank you” I muttered softly.

“You don’t have to Grace” Ms.Claire told me sweetly. “I know how much you liked all of the fantasy books we have and.. Well I thought maybe this one might be your favorite in the end”. She smiled brightly at me and gave me a soft pat on my shoulder before peering over her shoulder, a guard lingering in the hallway like a hawk. She turned to me and sighed “well, I guess I better get back to work before they think I’m trying to help you escape”.

Doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me.

“But why don’t you get started on that book okay? And I’ll see you later Grace”. As softly as I could I smiled back at her as she left, the guard taking one last glance at me before leaving with Ms.Claire down the hallway. I sighed. Alone again.

Forget about me?

Shut it. It’s time for me to actually have some peace and read this book. Get my mind away from you and this place.

K.. But I’ll be here when you need me.

With a huff I fell into the leather chair and opened up my book, it’s crisp edges calling me to a different world. Oh, and I don’t need you.

* * * * * * *

Some things you never forget how to do, like riding a bike. For me it was two things: using a gun and falling into the story of a book.

Really, for Harry Potter it wasn’t all that hard, the story was so easy and fun to follow that it felt like I was reading it for hours. But I think it was only one.

“Ay, that’s him right? That one that killed his mom in the circus? Crazy, spoiled ass brat”.

“I’d shut up if I were you rookie. That kid hears you talking about him like that, and you’ll be mangled up in a heartbeat. Don’t underestimate the inmates here. You give em the wrong look and you’re done”.

I craned my neck back to look at the hallway, seeing if I could get a look at who those guards were talking about, but nothing. They must’ve been closer to the rec room. Which means whoever they were talking about was in the rec room. Killed his mom in the circus? Hm. Whoever it was, I didn’t know them. Must be someone new.

“Fine whateva’. But he better watch out for me” continued the first guard.

“Yeah, sure” scoffed the second one.

Averting my attention back to my book I tried to drown out the rest of the conversation and outside noise. I wasn’t that much in the mood to hear gossip about some psycho kid.

You’re one to talk.

“Ms. Porter, it’s time for checkup”.

I snapped my attention to the doorway to find Hanson there, one of the regular guards around here who often took me back and forth to my room. He wasn’t too bad I guess. But on the days when I had checkup.. I really did hate him. He was like the bearer of bad fucking news. And as much as I didn’t wanna put my book down, I knew I had to. I was good remember?

“Sorry Grace, I gotta take ya over to the doc today. I know you don’t like it” he said with a frown.

Damn, it’s like he read my mind.

But I just shrugged and put my book away, moving towards him with my wrists raised as if on cue. “Nah it’s alright kid, I don’t gotta handcuff you today. Doc’s orders” he told me. I raised a brow at him but didn’t question it, I wasn’t gonna argue about not being handcuffed. But at the same time, I guess the feeling was the same as having your last meal before you go to the electric chair; a nice gesture for something so fucking awful.

The walk there was dreadful but familiar. Always the same. Cold and expectant. But the walk back.. Always different, and always a little piece of me gone as I came back.

Hanson left me with a pat to my shoulder though I barely felt it as I stood in front of the cold metal door before me. It was like my unconscious was getting my body ready for the numb pain that was about to proceed upon walking through the door. God, how many times I just wanted to run away from this… The only thing keeping me here was what they told me. That I was doing good, ‘good progress’ they said…. Somehow I was almost starting to believe them.

*Beep Beep Beep*

The door unlocked with a click and the doorknob turned and opened, but I kept my eyes down, like always.

“Hi Grace, come on in”.

I looked up under my lashes like I always did at my doctor; hesitant and compliant. And my doctor stood there with her clipboard in hand and her brown hair pulled into a tight ponytail, looking like an angel of death or something. She always looked so innocent and kind, but with the way she opened up old wounds, it was like she held a scalpel instead of a pen and paper.

I took my usual seat across from her desk and waited for her to start. The anticipation was always the worst part. Or maybe that’s just how I felt every time I was in here.

“So. How are you feeling today Grace? Are you having a good day?”

I shrugged, trying to relax at the same time. “Yeah”.

She smiled then jotted something on her paper and continued. “And how have you been sleeping?”

“Fine.. Not too bad”.

Again she jotted something down. “And have you been dreaming?”

This time my answer didn’t come quick, I was silent. And she pressed on. “Any nightmares Grace?”

I bit my lip and let my eyes travel around the room, knowing I had to answer the question but doing anything to avoid resurfacing the shit I had to see in my sleep.

“Yes” I finally muttered.

She nodded and wrote something down, her face careful and considerate. “It’s been a while since you’ve had any huh? That’s good”.

All those damn drugs is why.

Not now.

I nodded, knowing exactly where this was going. And like usual, never ready for it.

“Okay Grace. I want you to do your best and tell me everything you can remember from it. Just take your time. We’ll get through this..”

What a bullshit lie. Here we go..

“Was it about your father?”

Gracey, it’s okay honey.. It’s okay. Daddy’s okay, Daddy’s gonna be okay…

My head felt like it took a beating from a metal pipe as I made my way out of the room, everything thudding and booming around me. It felt like I was half awake, the nightmares still looming in and out of my head while my vision tried to focus in on the ground in case I tripped over myself. Fuck it was really bad this time…

Maybe they should give us some drugs for after those mind fuck sessions.

The only thing you’re right about..

I’m right about a lot of things actually. If only you’d let me have some control some times then-

Fuck you. The day I let you out is the day I’m really fucked.

Is that really so bad? Do you really wanna be so normal?

“Whoa, whoa, Grace. Hey, kid you okay?”

My vision came back into focus of the hallway and found Hanson crouching to my level, his expression slightly worried as he looked me over. Did I look that bad?

“You look like you’re gonna fall over, maybe you should get some rest?” He asked, but was quick to answer for me. “Yeah, let’s get you to your cell kid”.

I nodded as best as I could, feeling more fucked up than anything else, but still attempted to thank Hanson for being so kind.

The new set up in Arkham, and a pointless one at that, was that inmates had to constantly be signed in and signed out of the rec room or wherever if they weren’t in their cells. And the process was ridiculous with how many fucking inmates there were. But it was made worse when I saw who it was signing people in and out, the only bitch whose sole purpose of this job was to flirt with Hanson at any given moment. So lucky for me, I’d be waiting here a while.

“Hey Hanson, working hard huh? I wish they’d give you a break hon”. Here we go. Just like I thought. Fucking bitch.

Five minutes passed and I was still standing there. Still listening to this bitch’s terrible attempt at flirting while she slowly paged through the list of names. And all the while I could feel myself getting more pissed off.

Ooh, you haven’t been angry in a while.

I know I haven’t. It was probably that fucking doctor making me worse. Or… No. I can’t think like that. It’s just the after effect… That’s what she said, it’s.. Normal.

Whatever you say. But I say, you act on it. Shouldn’t be keeping things bottled up..

Again, I’m not taking advice from you. The last thing I need is someone fucked up giving me advice to do bad things. Remember? I’m not that person anymore.

Oh but you could be…

“Hahahaha! Wow Richard, I had no idea you were so funny!”.

Jesus Christ, who’s fucking obnoxious laugh is that? I spun around on my heel to face the rest of the rec room, my knuckles whitening as I did so. With how shitty my head felt I really wasn’t in the mood to listen to some bitch cackling…

Me either. Maybe you should fix that..

I was expecting to turn around and find some bitch sitting at the bench behind me laughing  in my ear just to annoy me, it wouldn’t have been the first time. But the entire rec room was empty, all except for one little group smack in the middle of the room, all closely sat together, minding their own business… What the hell?

For all the weird and abnormal bullshit that happened here in Arkham, sitting with people together as a group, actually conversing with them was probably the weirdest. No one here willingly spoke to someone else, let alone sit in a group with them. Most inmates were too far gone to even give a shit. Some of them just too far gone.. It was just so… Odd.

Another horrible laugh rang out then, the same one; loud, proud, and obnoxious. My eyes darted to the direction of the group it came from and landed on a head of wild blonde curls, her head tilting back as she laughed again while she gripped onto the smiling man next to her. He looked pleased with himself, smiling smugly at the giggling blonde girl beside him. God did she sound annoying… Though from the looks of everyone else in their group they didn’t feel that way, all eyes on them like they were their leaders or some shit. It seemed ridiculous considering the setting we were all in, there wasn’t much point in looking up to someone just as crazy as you.

Couldn’t that just be it though?

*Sigh*. Couldn’t what be it?

Maybe they’re not looking up to them because they’re just as crazy… Maybe they’re looking up to them because they’re even more crazy. I mean, it doesn’t seem that weird. Not in our case anyhow…

Whatever. We’re all fucked up. I just hate the idea of followers; no independence, no strength, always being someone else’s puppy.. I mean, just look at this fucking group. All of their eyes on them like they owned this place, it was so-

Hm. Not all of them after all… Interesting.

I thought for a moment, if there was ever a time in my life that I could remember when the feeling of someone watching ever creeped me out…

It didn’t.

So when I found a pair of eyes on me the feeling I got wasn’t from fear or worry, it was different, and I couldn’t explain it.. And that pissed me off.

He’s young… Guess you’re not the only wacked out kid in here.

He was young.. My age even. Pale with red hair. God his hair is red… With green eyes. Eyes that never left me, or at least… Didn’t want to. What’s his fuckin problem?

I tilted my head to the side, beginning to not like the idea of him staring.

Well then maybe you should stop checking him out and go ask what his fucking problem is.

Fuck off, like that’s what I’m doing. It’s not my fault he can’t stop staring… But now it started to feel like a competition, both of us not giving up on this bullshit little staring contest. He was enjoying it I could tell, the little glint in his eyes gave it away. But enjoying what I wonder.

“Alright Grace c’mon, sorry for the wait”.

Hanson appeared then, keys in hand, his body now blocking my view of the boy. Good riddance, I thought. He adjusted the gun holster around his waist then glanced back over his shoulder, right at the group. “They giving ya trouble Grace?” He asked.

Hanson moved his body just enough to where I could see the boy again. He looked at Hanson, just briefly, then looked right back at me. A smile peaking at his lips. I just glared back, and his smile grew.

I thought of Hanson’s question and answered as honestly as I could, another chill running up my spine.

“Not yet”.

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Field of Poppies Part 3

Summary: After being apart for six years, childhood friends Tommy and Amelia reunite under odd circumstances. Tommy is an outspoken young man and Amelia is pregnant and out on the streets. The bond of family can be unbreakable but it is tested often. Especially when Europe descends into war.

Part 3: Amelia questions the Shelbys actions as they establish themselves as bookies. 

March 1909

             Polly said that Amelia wasn’t feeling well and wouldn’t be joining the family for dinner. The only one who seemed hung up on this fact was Tommy. The others were happy to go about eating and chatting about their day. As John had predicted, Ada seemed to forget what she was crying about that morning. She was all too excited to tell everyone that she had been the best at double-dutch in the schoolyard. Even better than that no-good-pigtailed-bratty-stuck-up-snob Ingrid.

            Tommy wasn’t too interested in the mundane details of his family’s life. His mind was elsewhere, so he finished dinner quickly and headed upstairs.

            When Amelia arrived, Polly had to rearrange the Shelbys to make room. Tommy had to camp out on the couch a bit longer than he would’ve liked because none of his siblings could agree to any proposed arrangement. John and Ada didn’t want to bunk together. Arthur argued he was the oldest and should have his own room. And none of them wanted to be placed with Finn. Finally, Polly put her foot down. Tommy and John would share a room and that was that.

            But when Tommy passed what once was his room, the door was open and it was empty. He frowned and continued down the cramped hall. The bathroom door was closed and he could hear retching from inside. He lightly knocked on the door. “Mel? Alright?”

            The young woman cleared her throat and stood up from her spot kneeling at the toilet. She rinsed her mouth out in the washbasin and opened the door. “I’m okay.”

            “Sounded like you were getting sick.”

            “It’s normal with the baby.” She assured him; a bit embarrassed that he’d heard her.

            “Oh.” He nodded and could remember times when his mother was ill with his siblings. But he hadn’t thought much of it. She had always put on a brave face for her kids. “Pol said you weren’t feeling well.”

            “Long day, I guess.” She moved past him and went back to the bedroom.

            Tommy followed even if she didn’t really invite him to. He leaned up against the doorframe. “Anything you want to talk about or I could fuck off ‘n leave you be.”

            She laughed softly and waved him into the room. “Close the door, would you?”

            He obliged, going to sit on a chest across from the bed, by the nearly empty desk. Even if it was his room, he didn’t want to invade her privacy.

            Amelia sat down on the bed and leaned down to remove her stockings. She felt so sluggish and weary but couldn’t tell if it really was just because of her busy day or because her mind was a factory of worries. She tossed the stockings toward the hamper and began to unpin her hair.

            “What’s on your mind? You look-concerned.”

            “Do you think that not having your father around really…well, I guess that’s a stupid fucking question. I just…” She groaned when she couldn’t find the words to voice her distress. She realized she wouldn’t get anywhere if she was asking rhetorical questions in some roundabout way. “Do you think that my child will hate me because they won’t know their father? Honestly, be honest.”

            Tommy was surprised. He expected she would go to Polly with such a problem. True, they were longtime friends but what did he know about children and parenthood? “I don’t think your child would hate you for anything? You’ll be a great mother, Mel, you know that.”

            Amelia tipped her head up to the ceiling. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes and she didn’t want them to fall. “I want you to be honest with me, Tom, not to say nice things. We both know nothing in this fucking world is nice.”

            “Hey, now. Look at me. Amelia, look at me.”

            She did so, reluctantly. A tear slipped down her cheek as she met his blue eyes.

            “Yeah, so the world’s a pile of shit. But there are nice things if there weren’t then what would be the point of living, aye?” He pointed out. “I don’t know what your child will say ‘bout anything. But I know that they’ll think the world of you because you did everything for them. That’s something, right?”

            She shook her head. Everything in her wanted to stay miserable. She wanted to torture herself because she felt she deserved it. All of her actions had led her to that moment. She deserved what she got. But Tommy’s words coaxed her gently to a nicer place. A place where there was hope. There was the possibility that she could succeed in raising her child.

            “I’ll say it again but you’ve got a family here. We’re gonna help you out. And-and if I need to step in as some sorta father figure than I will.” He straightened up a bit as he finished. Suddenly determined to take on the challenge he’d thrust upon himself.

            “Tom…”

            “I’m serious.” He reiterated with a half-smile. “I mean, I may not be any good at it, but I’ll try. I said I’d take care of you and I intend on doing that. I’m not some good for nothing like-” He purposefully didn’t finish his thought. It didn’t need to be finished; they both knew they were talking about Arthur Sr. Tommy strove to be the exact opposite of his father. He wouldn’t beat his children, wouldn’t drink their money away, would provide for them, would make sure dinner was always on the table, would give them a sense of safety and love. He could give that to Amelia’s child, they both deserved to be treated well. Why shouldn’t Tommy be the one to do so?

            “I can’t ask you to do that.” Amelia looked hesitant. Would it be nice to have a strong male figure in her child’s life? Of course. She worried what would happen without one. But to put that responsibility on someone else her age? They were both still so young.

            “You don’t have to ask.” He shrugged and stood up. “Are you feeling a bit better? I could see if they spared you any leftovers downstairs.” He offered as if it were the first thing he could do to prove he was fit to help her out.

            She smiled. “Maybe a bit of bread.”  

            “Alright, just be a mo’.”

May 1909

          After his talk with Amelia, Tommy was more intent on setting up the betting shop as soon as they could. The empty place offered so many possibilities in his eyes. Possibilities that could lift him and his family out of poverty. Both he and Arthur knew it would be an uphill battle. There were already plenty of betting shops tucked away in the dark corners of Birmingham and elsewhere. Using fronts as laundry, pubs, or even butchers. Beyond that, there were men who controlled the tracks. They fixed races to their heart’s delight and didn’t take kindly to others who tried to do the same. Without explicit permission, of course. Their bookies were violent and no one in their right mind would go after them. Maybe that’s why everyone thought Arthur and Tommy were mad.

            And perhaps they were, but that didn’t stop them from beginning to take bets out of the shop attached to the flat.

            Polly wanted to be upset that her nephews were bringing trouble so close to their home. But she couldn’t deny the income that they were starting to bring in. It wasn’t much at first, but it was something. Something that could be counted on for groceries or unexpected expenses. And since Tommy and Arthur had stopped attending school around thirteen, they made mistakes with the odds. So, Polly felt she could step in and mind the books better than they could. She never claimed to be a saint.

            Being a charming man meant Tommy could count on a lot of people joining his little setup. People he’d known for years and could trust. Danny Owens was a good friend with a good heart, Freddie Thorne knew him from Greta’s meetings. Jeremiah attended church with Polly but he wasn’t shy of a little criminal behavior to survive. There were others, but there was a hierarchy of trust that Tommy took very seriously. Family always came first.

            But with the betting shop came trouble. Other bookies weren’t so keen that the Shelbys were starting to dip their toes in the business. There was already enough competition in Birmingham alone. So, trouble started to brew.

            It started with just some harassment. A few threats and taunts. The Birmingham Boys apparently weren’t going to chalk the Shelbys up to just some amateurs. Even if there was a whiff of a potential threat, they learned to step in and snuff out the problem.

~~~~~~~~~~~

            That’s why, a few months after the betting shop was established, Tommy was jumped by five men. Luckily, they hadn’t roughed him up too badly. But he did look to be in bad shape when he staggered into the flat. He was limping and held a blood-soaked handkerchief to his nose

            “Tom!” Amelia gasped in horror when he came inside and ran into her at the base of the stairs. Six months pregnant, Polly had warned her to be a bit more cautious when it came to surprises and overexerting herself. But of course, she couldn’t be prepared for everything Tommy decided to get into.

            “S’alright, s’alright.” He grunted and made his way into the kitchen. He was certain one of his ribs was broken and his nose might have been too. It hadn’t exactly been a fair fight. He was taken completely by surprise as five of the Birmingham Boys popped out around a dark corner and immediately pummeled him to the ground. Once the initial blow wore off, Tommy tried to fight back but there wasn’t much use. Had Arthur been there, maybe they would’ve had a chance. But alone, he was knocked to the ground and had his ribs kicked in as the older men shouted slurs at him.

            “What happened?” She followed him, still in shock.

            “Got attacked.” He answered through the cloth over his nose and mouth. He went to the water pump and tried to get it going but the pain in his side was too much. He winced in pain and stifled a yelp.

            Amelia quickly dragged a chair over to the pump and made him sit. She filled up the basin with a bit of water and found a dishcloth to use. “Can I see?”

            Tommy removed the bloodied handkerchief. The blood seemed to have ebbed by the time he limped home.

            She carefully began to wipe the blood away from his face. “What else hurts?” She asked. They could talk about what happened when she was sure he was okay.

            “Me ribs.” He rested a hand over the painful spot.

            “Alright, well, let me clean you up and I can have a look.”

            Tommy took a few deep breaths. His heart was still racing and of course he was still pissed off that he’d been bested. Of course, he could take some solace that he was severely outnumbered and at a disadvantage. Still, it bruised his ego.

            Amelia tried to lighten the mood a bit. “You looked like this after you beat up Ben Hearn because he kissed me.”

            It drew a smile from him as he remembered the event from when they were around ten-years-old. Tommy was heartbroken when he heard around school that Ben had kissed his best friend and secret crush. But when he got word that Amelia hadn’t wanted to kiss Ben in the first place, Tommy decided to get retribution. Ben had gotten a lucky punch and made Tommy’s nose bleed. But that only angered him more to the point where Arthur had to pull his younger brother off the other boy because it looked like Tommy had murder in his eyes.  

            “You knocked out his tooth.”

            Tommy shook his head. “I knocked out two of his teeth.” He corrected with a familiar smirk. “And he deserved it.”

            Amelia sighed. “You were always getting into trouble back then. I thought maybe it would change when we got older but…” She rinsed the cloth and watched the red water trickle into the basin. “Maybe this betting shop idea is too dangerous.”

            “Mel-”

            “I know why you’re doing it, and I admire your initiative but you have to know what you might be risking. Money won’t do us any good if you’re injured or-”

            “It’s alright. You don’t have to worry.”

            She hung the wet cloth against the side of the basin and turned back toward him. “Tom, if you’re coming home like this then I think I have a reason to be worried!” She exclaimed.

            “I know, and I’m sorry. I’ll sort it out.” He promised.

            Amelia wanted to scold him further but didn’t have the heart to. Besides, once Tommy set his mind to something, there wasn’t much hope for swaying him. Getting beat up never stopped him before, it likely wouldn’t stop him in the future. “You said your ribs hurt too?” She asked quietly.

            He nodded.

            “I can take a look at them but if they’re broken you ought to go see a doctor.” She washed any stray stains of blood off her hands and the washbasin.

            “Can’t afford a doctor right now.” Tommy stood up with a grunt and returned the chair to the table. He didn’t want Polly asking questions the next morning if she found the kitchen in disarray.

            “What do you mean? I thought Arthur said you had a good week. Said you had extra money.” Amelia dried her hands.

            “We did.”

            “So, where’s the money?” She questioned further.

            “I spent it.” Tommy grabbed a bottle of stout and uncorked it.

            “On what?”

            “You’ll see tomorrow, Mel.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

            The next day was Saturday and Amelia had the day off. She watched over John and Ada to give Polly a well-needed break.

            The weather was unseasonably warm so she took the two kids outside to play so they wouldn’t be cooped up indoors. Amelia sat on the steps darning one of her stockings while Ada skipped rope and John played football in the street with other neighborhood kids.

            There was a small group of people next door waiting to place bets for the next day’s race. To the untrained eye, they looked fairly inconspicuous. Amelia hadn’t asked what might happen if the cops would catch wind of the operation. No one mentioned it, so she assumed they either had it handled or intentionally didn’t want to think about it. Still, Polly had instilled in everyone that if the police were to come around, no one knew a thing about betting shops.

            “S'cuse me miss, is Tommy Shelby ‘round?”

            Amelia looked up from her stockings and smiled. “Danny?”

            The young man’s face broke into a look of disbelief. “Mellie? Is that you?” He removed his hat and got closer. “Tom said you’d come back; wasn’t sure I’d recognize you.” Danny Owens had been a longtime friend of the Shelbys. As a boy he was much taller than anyone in class but was quite awkward and quiet. He was from a very poor family, just like the rest of them. He was painfully shy from growing up with an abusive father. But once Tommy and Arthur took him under their wing, he became a bit more confident. He wasn’t much for fighting but if it was necessary to protect his friends, he would step in. Though, most kids wouldn’t even try to fight him because of his size and broad shoulders.

            Yet, Amelia had always known him as someone with a gentle side. “It’s been a while.” She agreed. “How’s your family?”

            “They’re good. Yeah, everyone’s good.” Danny fidgeted with his hat as he spoke to her.  

            She could tell he didn’t really want to talk about his family which was all well and good. Amelia didn’t want to talk about hers either. “You were after Tommy?”

            “You haven’t seen him ‘round have you?”

            “He should be in the shop. You can go through the kitchen if you’d like.” Amelia scooted to the side so Danny could get by.         

            “Thanks, Mel. Glad you’re back.” He smiled and walked into the flat.

            As he passed, she noticed his knuckles were bruised and there was a bit of blood smeared over the top of his hand. It sent a shiver down her spine as she realized it wasn’t just Tommy getting into trouble. Everyone she once knew as a child was getting caught up in this violence. It might’ve been small skirmishes, akin to the ones they used to get into in the schoolyard. But Amelia reasonably knew that there were much larger stakes at risk. None of them labeled their actions as organized crime, but that’s what it was. Amelia had heard about large scale gangs in London who controlled a lot more than just horse races. They had control over pubs and other businesses, paid off the police, and there were rumors that they had influence over government too.

            She wasn’t sure that was Tommy’s end game but she also didn’t know if he had any control over that. Could someone remove themselves from the lifestyle? Or were they in it for life?

            With a sigh, she set her stockings aside and checked on John and Ada across the street. There were so many questions about the future that she couldn’t even try to begin to answer. All she could do was see what came of it.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~

            That same night, Amelia was in the kitchen making dinner while Ada rattled on about how she was going to go riding tomorrow and how Uncle Charlie might let her try to jump.

            The front door opened and Tommy poked his head inside. “Mel?” He called.

            “In the kitchen!” She replied.

            “Right, stay there, don’t come upstairs ‘til I say.”

            She raised an eyebrow but listened and continued peeling potatoes while Ada went on about horses.

            There were a few bumps against the wall and the staircase railing after the front door shut.

            “Fucking hell, this thing weighs a ton!” Arthur cursed.

            “Oi, be careful.” Tommy chided.

            “Be careful? It’s gonna damage me ‘fore I damage it!”

            A couple bangs and thumps and swears later, Tommy called Amelia upstairs.

            She and Ada went up and found him and Arthur in the bedroom. She looked confused until she saw the cot in the corner. Her mouth popped open in shock. “Tom?”

            He smiled a bit sheepishly. “For the baby.”

            “But I thought…I thought we would just move Finn’s in here.” She walked over to the new piece of furniture.

            “That thing’s older than any of us.” He shook his head. “Ought to toss it once Finn’s done with it.”

            Amelia ran a hand over the smooth oak wood. It was pristine, no nicks, or peeling varnish to be found. There were even intricate designs in the solid wood side and legs. She felt herself getting teary-eyed. She was didn’t even notice as Arthur herded Ada out of the room and back downstairs. “This is what you spent the money on?” She asked.

            Tommy nodded and shrugged. “The baby needs one, so why not?”

            She sniffled and went to hug him tightly. “It’s beautiful, thank you.”

            He hugged her back, feeling a sense of accomplishment. Then adoration swept over him. He hadn’t realized how much he loved making Amelia happy. He was always fond of her, but seeing her smile was one of the best things to see, in his opinion. Maybe he was still too young to know what love was, but he had a hunch that what he was feeling was love.

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