#well time to pretend to be cis for indeed...

[queerlyhalloween]

In a rare English double-whammy my boss has give me my layoff notice on St. Patrick's day 🥹

[memeticallyengineered]

currently playing dgs 2-1 so NO SPOILERS PLEASE but. man. ryutaro and susato.

person whos been forced to consider her gender for the first time. not even in a gender-questiony way, she's just suddenly forced to consider the fact that people see her as a woman and that affects how they treat her

so when rei treats her like a man for the first time in her life, she sees how different it is and things just. kinda start to unspool in her mind. the treatment from everybody ever is ENTIRELY DIFFERENT from when they see her as a woman, and it's frustrating

like people respect ryutaro more. they listen to his opinions. but the only thing that's changed is his appearance. just. auchi hates taro but in an entirely different way than he hates susato. auchi looks down at taro because he's from the countryside and a bumpkin and whatever but still sees him as an equal opponent. someone on the same level as him. if he defeats this man then he's won glory in his eyes

auchi just doesn't even CARE about susato. he sees her and goes who the fuck even are you who let a little girl in here "never before in my life have I felt so frustrated at having been born into this body" indeed cuz i'd want to scream!!!

susatos thing is about having to change yourself i think. she’s so mad because she can’t be accepted as herself.

ryutaro changes his outfit and all of a sudden he can stand in court and be a lawyer and shout at the prosecutor he hates so much. and if you add susahao into it as well he can also only court haori openly as a man as well and that ALSO must be frustrating

theres probably more layers to it if susato isnt cis but also isnt a man. she can be susato or he can be ryutaro but she cant be both. but if he wants to have a career he has to be ryutaro ALWAYS and its miserable because she'd be squishing a part of herself down, but he doesnt want to NEVER be ryutaro because ryutaro is a part of him. both parts of him need room to breathe.

but as it is… she can be accepted as susato or he can be accepted as ryutaro and there is no room for them to coexist. and. that’s a horrible thing to put on a 16 year old. like susato is in. 10th grade?? 11th grade???? based on current standards like, this is when youre supposed to be figuring out Who You Are. but no she’s backed into this corner. and it's awful

she can be a polite demure judicial assistant or he can be a dashing loud lawyer. but just. pretending to fit into only one of those is suffocating.

which just. oh SUSATO….

[warmhappycat]

My Hagrid post is getting notes again, so to be clear, J. K. Rowling is a bigot and she’s wrong. Trans men are men. Trans women are women. Non-binary people are non-binary. None of the things she’s fearmongering about are actual problems.

Trans women are not assaulting cis women in women’s-only spaces, nor are cis men pretending to be trans women in order to assault women in women’s only spaces.

Trans athletes at the elite level are very rare, and not sweeping the field the way JK implies, probably because once someone has been on hormones long enough it does indeed change their body. Also why would any man pretend to be trans in order to (attempt to) dominate women’s sports? He’d make more money and get more famous as a bottom of the barrel male athlete than a best in the world female athlete (Citation: The US Women’s Soccer Team). Additionally, the vast majority of trans athletes being attacked by this shit are not elite, they’re just 8 year olds who wanted to play soccer or whatever. Who cares.

No one is trAnSiNg the youth. Many people, notably JKR, are “cissing” the youth, providing us with pretty good evidence that that doesn’t work anyway.

No one is doing surgery on the genitals of small children (unless, of course, they’re intersex children, but JKR has been weirdly silent about that! Hmm!! Wonder why!!!). We have data on this. It’s not happening. Shut up about it.

Puberty blockers are safe and reversible. The bone density thing is well within the normal range of side effects that we all accept all the time for drugs that we need, including for children.

It may be true that JKR is personally triggered by the presence of someone she considers male in a women’s-only space, but (1) her considerations are probably pretty bigoted, and (2) she doesn’t get to make that everyone else’s problem. Many of us are triggered by all sorts of things; we don’t get to make other people’s lives miserable about it.

Drag queens are not inherently sexual or inappropriate for children, and honestly fit very well among the type of entertainers that children enjoy! If you bring your kid to a drag show that’s not for kids, and they see a drag queen do something sexual, that’s on you. “Drag Queen Story Hour” and “11pm Drag Show at Thrust Bar sponsored by Grindr” are going to have pretty different marketing, and if you can’t tell the difference, that’s your problem.

Just. Shut up, lady.

I have a wide variety of (imho) excellent Harry Potter posts in my archive, and I invite you to enjoy them! But please don’t think I’m on board with her shit.

[horrorcomeshome]

Heather Grundy

Born: March 6th

Gender: cis woman

Sexuality: queer

FC: Erin Kellyman

Heather was born to a large Appalachian family of various mixed heritage, one that blended smoothly despite what the world thought; through the mountains of southeast Ohio and West Virginia, they had property, with many large secluded houses. While not all of them lived together, they so often spent time mingling together that most everyone knew their extended family, especially the matriarchs, which at this point were three sisters who the rest of the family simply called The Grannies— as one was indeed the grandmother of each, but you would still treat her sisters the same. Granny May was Heather's own grandmother, and it was with her that she lived with all three of May's daughters, the youngest being Heather's own mother. Heather's father, while still deeply loving her mother, did not stay long, wheeling and dealing around his hometown to the north.

She was taught the ways many of her family practices, the folk magics of Appalachia; while many of this land saw it as superstition, being much too God-fearing to call it magic, they knew better. Magic was in their veins from every lineage, be they Celtic, Indigenous, or African, and to pretend it was anything else would be an insult. Heather learned fast and well, aiding the older women of the house in their practice, the rituals that kept them safe. She crafted talismans for her cousins, then was tasked with blessing the perimeter of the property on her own. All signs pointed that she would be one of the strongest witches among them.

When she got older, she spent more time with her father, learning his dealings and even helping in them. Her father hadn't believed much about the supernatural and the veil, he knew to explain to Heather the rumors about Carey and what lived there so she could protect herself. And she did. She kept herself safe for a good long while— despite the fact that her dad was dealing with less than scrupulous folk, narrowly avoiding injury, they were okay. She began to know people of the town, and they knew her. All was well.

Until one night. She'd felt worry for her father, and she gave him her own talisman and sachet of protective herbs; after all, it was him most of them knew, if someone were to hurt one of them, it'd be her dad. While her foresight of danger was right, to who wasn't. She'd been cornered, closed in, near death. She doesn't remember much for those harrowing minutes, not even the face of the one who turned her... but someone had spirited her away from the danger before she could be killed, though she was injured gravely. They bit into her and drank of her blood, offering theirs in return, saving her from death.

The first months were hard, fearing that like the haints and spirits she knew were abound, she'd lose herself. And yet, she never did. Despite the fear, her family stayed by her to support her and those vampires of Carey who quickly claimed her. Her family grew, even if not always those boys all got along. She cared for each of them, and it seemed they all cared for her. There was still hardship and fear... death could not change that, but at least now, she could devote years to her practice, now strengthened by her vampiric transformation, to be a witch of protection and healing for all those she declared as hers.

[guhamun]

𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒.

name: Calcharo

nickname: None

gender: cis man

romantic orientation: It's a mystery---!

preferred pet names: He hasn't even thought of romantic relationships, so he has no idea about pet names.

relationship status: Single; depends on verse

opinion on true love: Supposes it exists, but has no interest.

opinion on love at first sight: Doesn't believe it's a thing. To him, it's more attraction at first sight that is taken for being love instead.

how ‘romantic’ are they?: He can be inadvertently romantic, but it isn't something that he himself sets out to be. Calcharo has no idea how to be romantic as romance in general is not a priority to him. Everything he does is from a practical standpoint. However, somewhere in that practicality, he may end up swooning someone all the same. He is very thoughtful, never forgetting something they might have told him, nor something he might have noticed considering his sharp memory.

ideal physical traits: If Calcharo is going to feel attraction to someone, usually it is due to how they hold themselves. Physical traits don't tend to come into the equation.

ideal personality traits: Decisiveness, and reliability. People who make quick decisions and don't agonize over them for too long, and those who show that they can be reliable in any given situation, are those that tend to catch his attention.

unattractive physical traits: Doesn't care about this.

unattractive personality traits: Cowards and backstabbers. Someone who pretends to be trustworthy, just so they can get you to lower your guard, are those that he clocks right from the beginning. He's dealt with a lot of people in his profession, some of them less than savory, and he can tell when he's being strung along for something and when he isn't.

ideal date: Calcharo doesn't even think about dates, but if he did have an ideal one, it's just spending time with his partner. Places that are quiet with low human activity tend to be his favored spots.

do they have a type?: He does indeed. That's redacted information, though.

average relationship length: What relationship---

preferred non-sexual intimacy: It takes a while for Calcharo to get comfortable enough to let someone into his space, but when he does, small things like the brush of a hand, overall physical closeness like the touching of thighs when sitting by one another -- these are the kind of things that he enjoys. He's like a cat that has to get comfortable in their new environment so doing anything too unexpected without warning will get them skittish. Same principle for him. Once he does get comfortable, he's more willing to reach out on his own as well.

opinion of public affection: It's fine for other people, but for him? Unappealing. He's a deeply private person and wants to keep his affairs private as well. This tends to also primarily be for safety reasons for the other individual as he does have his fair share of enemies. If it's someone with authority, then this isn't a worry. However, he still prefers PDA be kept away from curious eyes.

past relationships?: Literally none.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

tagged by: @maddm & @caemthe (thank you both ////)

tagging: Take it! I'm not sure who's interested fksfdsfs

[laserrescue]

Yes, well, I did say “sexes” didn’t I? They change from the recognizable, at-first-glance of dna, “male” to “female”.

Sex is also biologically, not binary! There are far too many versions of a sex to be considered just “male and female” so yes, while animals do not have the concept of gender, (as I never said they did,) they can indeed be “non-binary”. As in, existing out of the binary of male and female. That is what non-binary means,

So no, they do not have “complex IDEAS about gender” but they can change sex, and have homosexual tendencies! That is what I believe Galaxy was trying to say.

So, of course they don’t feel what we feel to an absolute degree, but they can indeed do a fraction of what we do!

(Talking from a personal perspective here, sometimes, with animals that change sex, humans like to say “transgender” in a way to connect with them! It’s a nice way to look at something and feel that you’re similar in a way! Especially with transphobia being such a common thing, and being called “unnatural”. :( )

I didn't say they had binary sexes, I said they had sexes. Some lizards even only have one sex. They don't have gender.

That's important because transphobia is rooted in the idea that sex is the same as gender, and it's not. Gender comes with highly complex sociology that impacts interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships. It affects how one views themself and how they feel doing certain activities. It also comes with two unique experiences animals don't appear to get: Euphoria and dysphoria.

Clownfish don't look back on their time as a male thinking "oh that was awful I really didn't have a clue what WANTING to be alive was like." Some of the fun people I've met from the multiverse are transgender, and so's at least one of my fellow Rescue Bots. (I'm not at liberty to say which one.) They feel like they actually belong now that they're presenting the way that they want to.

And there is a difference between saying "haha fellow trans icon Clownfish" and arguing that they are actually transgender. The difference is the implication that them changing their sex is the same as changing their gender. It's the continued implication that sex and gender are the same thing, and they're not.

And yes, the complexity is important. One of the humans I've met in the multiverse is a young man who recently looked back at some of the clothing he wore when he was still trying to pretend to be a girl. Some of those clothes, looking back, made him look extremely masculine in a way that has contributed to his modern gender euphoria, but they didn't hide the way his body looked underneath it well enough. He told me about how all the euphoria was retroactive, after seeing how even at his most dysphoric you could've convinced some men that he was a cis man.

Nothing has changed in regards to his sexual transition.

Animals don't get that experience because gender is not the same as sex. Animals can be homosexual, yes. I've said that each post. I will not deny that. I've seen it, and that human I was just talking about had a dog that would exclusively perform sexual behaviors with another male. But homosexuality at its basal form is less complex than gender is. You can point to an animal and say 'this one's homosexual or bisexual' because they act on sexual impulses. You can't assume the same with gender because gender isn't about sex.

[marmorafarms]

"Good Boy" Sebastian x Cis female reader

This fic was requested by the lovely @darlingsama630

18+ ONLY please and thank you!

Summary: After a family dinner with the parents, you and Sebastian go home. Sebastian wants to know if he had been a good boy. You decide to respond accordingly.

Word count: 2,294 words

Warnings/content: fem dom, soft dom, sub Sebastian, face sitting, orgasm denial, cis female reader

I hope you enjoy!

"Thank you for dinner tonight Robin," you said warmly to your mother-in-law as you packed up to go home. You and Sebastian had been invited over to celebrate Demetrius' 50th birthday with a small get together. Demetrius was never one for huge celebrations, preferring to spend this time with family and family only.

"No need to thank me," Robin said kindly. "I'm just so glad you and Sebby showed up."

You turned to Demetrius, and shot him a gentle smile. "Happy Birthday Demetrius," you said. "I hope you had a great one!"

"Well, that rice pudding you made for me certainly made it better!" Demetrius said good naturedly. "I especially appreciated how practical your gift was. I always need a new journal to write notes in, and I hate frivolous items."

Robin rolled her eyes behind his back. Everyone in the room remembered with clarity the argument Robin and Demetrius had last year in front of the whole family. It was in regards to the new bed she had made. Demetrius had scoffed at how she chose beauty over function…though you still didn't understand that. It still did the job, it just looked pretty.

The whole situation had been awkward, and Demetrius left in a huff when you softly agreed with Robin that it was indeed a lovely bed. Maru had stared at the floor the whole time while Sebastian and Robin looked smug.

Sebastian had suggested you get him a pack of pencils since Demetrius always got annoyed when given anything that was deemed "not useful." You gave Sebastian a look, and he grumbled out that the two of you could buy him something a bit more personalized.

"You know," Robin said in a low voice as she walked you out the door, "You have been a fantastic influence on my son. To think your marriage started out with our husbands arguing over which spoon size was best…and has now bloomed into a wonderful birthday dinner without a single argument! Whatever magic you're working, keep it up!"

You laughed lightly, looking fondly at Sebastian who was politely pretending to understand an obscure science joke Maru had just made.

"I'll do my best," you said, and Robin grinned.

"I think it's your sweet and gentle nature that cools his heat," Robin mused. "I've never heard you raise your voice. When I first met you, I don't think I even heard you speak more than a few words to anyone in town!"

"I'm a bit shy, I'll admit it," you said bashfully. "I'm so grateful that this town has truly accepted me."

With one last hug from Robin and Maru, and a firm handshake with Demetrius, you and Sebastian headed back to the farmhouse. You talked casually about how it was nice to have everyone together again. Sebastian even made jokes about Harvey being at the next family dinner. But you both solemnly agreed that Demetrius would be passive aggressive about dating getting in the way of Maru's dreams so…maybe Harvey wouldn't show up after all.

When the door closed behind the two of you as you entered the living room, you could feel the mood shift. You went about your nighttime routine as usual, pretending not to notice a thing. As you were putting your clothes in the hamper, Sebastian cleared his throat.

Here we go, you thought to yourself.

"So," Sebastian said, standing at the foot of the bed, "Was I good?"

You kept your face neutral, but inside you were cheering, jumping up and down and throwing confetti. He was doing it.

The first time you had asked him to be good had ended in Demetrius and Sebastian nearly getting into a fist fight over who got to use the little spoon at the table. 

"You were terrible tonight!" You had hissed at him when you got home.

"He was asking for it!" Sebastian said, arms thrown wide.

"You are 25, not 12!" You barked out. "I should punish you for this!"

At these words, Sebastian had gone still. The two of you were eyeing each other, both wondering the same thing.

"Maybe you should," Sebastian said evenly.

You walked over to your closet and pulled out a large box you had never shown him before. He had never asked about it, and you hadn't been sure when would be the right time to bring it up. You were aware of Sebastian's kinkier side, but this?

Rummaging around, you finally found what you were looking for, and presented the item to him. "You have to wear this," you said simply, "until you apologize to Demetrius."

Sebastian's eyes went wide. You were nervous, but you refused to let it show.

"A cock cage?" he asked, staring at it warily.

"Yes. I'll keep the key, and will unlock it only when you apologize to your step father." 

Sebastian thought about it, and then nodded.

"Doesn't seem that bad to me."

Oh how wrong he was.

The poor boy couldn't cum for a whole week because his stubborn streak was preventing him from apologizing. When he finally gave in and was allowed to orgasm, it was one of the best he'd ever had.

That had started your play with orgasm denial. But when it came to meetings with Demetrius, you got to decide if he was good or bad. You had started doing a new thing for that situation. It didn't take the wizard much convincing to make you a bracelet that would prevent the user from being able to have any sexual pleasure. No sex, no masturbation, no nothing. It would deliver an electric shock every time the perso tried to get off. Sebastian was willing to try it out, curiosity winning over apprehension.

The best part was, only the person who put it on could take it off. You typically had him wear it for an entire week as punishment, and got great results.

But if he was good…

You pondered Sebastian's question for a moment and then turned to him.

"For the most part," you said. 

"What…what do you mean?" he asked, fear in his eyes. You let out a low chuckle.

"You don't need to worry kitten," you said, using the name you only gave him in this situation, "you won't have to wear the bracelet. But you didn't wish your step dad a happy birthday. That's not what a good boy does."

"I'm sorry Miss," he said, ducking his head. "I should've done better."

"Should-a, could-a, would-a, DIDN'T," you said, narrowing your eyes. "You'll get your reward for not being a brat at dinner. But you still need to be reprimanded."

You walked over, and grabbed his jaw forcefully making him look at you. "Good boys get to cum. Bad boys don't. You know the rules."

"But…"

"I don't want to hear your voice," you said, letting go. "Strip."

Sebastian did as asked, quickly discarding his clothes in a heap. You looked him over, disapproval on your face, but lust in your heart. He had the body of a Greek god, and you lived to see him naked. You loved it when he sent you lewds, and on the rare occasion, full nudes.

But now wasn't the time to drool over his body. You had work to do.

"On the bed," you snapped, and in an instant he was sitting in the center.

"Eyes closed," you said. "I'm going to undress, but you don't get to look. Open your eyes once and you wear the bracelet. Got it?"

Sebastian squeezed his eyes shut and nodded.

"I asked a question," you snarled.

"Yes Miss, I understand," he said quickly. Pleased with his response, you slowly removed your clothing, making sure that he could hear the rustling of fabric. His dusky pink cock was rising to attention as he sat there, clearly listening closely. You knew he was imagining what you were doing, and it was an ego boost to know that the mere thought of you was making him hard.

You climbed onto the bed, and heard him whimper. 

"Eyes stay shut kitten," you said softly. "Now lie back."

Sebastian got down on his back, and you climbed on top. You knew exactly what you were going to do, and were excited to begin.

"If you touch me, or buck your hips, you wear the bracelet for two weeks," you said firmly. Sebastian let out a whine, squirming slightly.

"Yes Miss," he said.

"Repeat to me what you won't do."

"I won't touch or–ahh!" he gasped, eyes nearly opening. 

Your pussy was on his cock, and you were moving your hips, rubbing yourself along his length. He was lost for words, absorbed in the sensation.

"I said repeat what you won't do," you said calmly, continuing your movements.

"I-I won't…touch or…or b-buck my hips," he moaned out.

"That's right," you said. You leaned forward and rubbed your thumbs over his nipples. Sebastian was panting hard. You could feel his hips stutter as he forced himself not to move. He was trying so hard to be good for you.

You finally moved from his cock, and frowned as he spoke.

"What did you say?" you snapped.

There was a deadly silence. Sebastian had a lot of room to fuck up right now, and he knew it. Lying was not an option.

"I…I asked why you were stopping," he said meekly.

"I don't remember asking you to speak," you said. "Let's put your mouth to better use."

Sebastian was practically vibrating with anticipation as you positioned yourself, lowering your pussy down to meet his mouth. His arms jerked, but ultimately stayed still. You knew he was desperate to hold your hips.

"Lick," you commanded.

If there was one thing your man was good at, it was eating pussy. He had been a natural from the start, and the first time he ate you out you flat out refused to believe he hadn't done it before.

You moaned as his tongue explored your folds, darting inside you before flicking your clit. You rocked against his face, and you felt him groan in pleasure. The vibrations from his noises made you bite your lip, eyes fluttering shut.

Your hips rocked faster as you chased your orgasm. Any time you let out a word of praise, Sebastian moaned and licked faster. You liked feeding into his praise kink, it made everything so much better.

Crying out in pleasure, you let your orgasm overtake you. Sebastian continued to lap at you, your cum drenching his face. As you got off of him, you could see how painfully hard he was. It took all your self control not to slide down onto him.

"You did such a good job kitten," you said, and Sebastian flushed with pride. "Felt so good." You settled in between his legs and ran a finger down his length. Sebastian shivered.

"You even managed to keep your eyes closed," you said. "Since you've been doing well…you can open them."

Sebastian's eyes opened, pupils blown with lust as he looked you over. His eyes roamed greedily, and you knew he wanted to touch. 

"Do you want something?" you asked.

Sebastian gulped. "Yes Miss," he said.

"What do you want?" you asked. "Good boy's use their words."

"Wanna…wanna touch you. Want you to ride me and let me touch you," he panted out. You raised an eyebrow at these words.

"You think you deserve it?" you asked.

"I've…I've been good!" Sebastian pouted. "Only a little bad…but I've been good!"

He looked so pitiful beneath you, and it melted your heart. 

"You have been good," you said, and guided his hands to your waist. He looked at you in wonder, in disbelief that he could touch.

"Hold on," you murmured, and sank down onto him in one swift movement.

"Thank you!" Sebastian cried out. "You're so good to me!"

"You deserve a little something," you said with a smile. "But your hips stay still. If they move, this ends."

"Yes Miss!" Sebastian breathed, and threw his head back in pleasure as you began to move. It felt amazing for you, and you knew he was loving it too. His eyebrows began to furrow, and he pulled his lower lip into his mouth. These were tell tale signs that he was close. You smirked at him, and immediately stopped moving.

Sebastian let out a truly pathetic whine, and you laughed.

"You really thought I'd let you cum that easily?" you taunted.

Sebastian looked at you with wide eyes and a trembling lip. You clicked your tongue and shook your head.

"What do you do you do if you want to cum?" you asked in a sing song tone.

"Please," he whined. You rolled your eyes at him.

"Please let me cum," he amended.

"Better," you said, but still didn't move.

"Please!" he begged, "Please ride me, I want to feel your pussy on me, want it to make me cum! Please Miss!" 

You smiled at him, and wiped away the tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

"Good boy," you said, and began to move again. 

He didn't last long, hot ropes of cum painting your insides white. Sebastian howled in ecstasy, eyes rolling back. When he finally managed to regain his senses, you pulled off and laid down next to him. Your eyes locked, and you gave him a soft kiss.

"Shower?" you asked, and he nodded with a sleepy smile.

The shower was long, as was typical after something like this. Sweet kisses were shared, and, as always, you ended up with your legs around his waist, back against the shower wall, as he fucked you one last time.

The two of you fell asleep in each other's arms. He really was a good boy.

[aroaceconfessions]

Hello hope you're all doin well!! This is a long post soo.. yeah.

Confession ig : ever since I realized i am on the AroAce spectrum, the things i do when i was a lil toddler child.. kid... makes sense.

Like, wondering why suddenly everyone has a crush during elementary? AroAce!

Me pretending to have a crush? Alot of AroAce spec people experienced that!

Lil kid me bein not able to fit in because EVERYONE has a crush or a partner, for some unknown reason? Pssst the reason is Because I am not really interested in romance shown in tv dramas or cartoons

Little child's me opinion about marriage and like dreaming of living in a cottage with a cat, and possibly just having silly friend as your roomate?

That's just me bein a lil silly AroAce dude!!

What about that one time i am infatuated with a boy in like, fuckin 5th grade? I WAS EXPERIENCING GENDER ENVY!!!

The point is that, I did not make up like me being on the AroAce spectrum on the whim! Nahh i have alot of experiences and evidence that infact indeed, I'm not like your regular cis straight person, dude, thing. [ /lighthearted ]

Anyways uhh ramblings over this is a really long confession LMAO, i hope no one minds!!

Submitted April 21, 2023

[cfwarricrs]

            ☆.｡.჻· ( summer bishil, cis-female, she/her ) did you hear? [ CELESTIA SOREN ] is in town. a [ HUMAN ], i hear that they’re a [ BASTARD LADY OF HOUSE SOREN ], rather impressive considering they’re [ THIRTY ONE ] years old. their friends say that they’re pretty [ DAUNTLESS ], but i’ve heard rumors that they’re also [ EGOCENTRIC ]. it might just be me, but they remind me of [ FINE SILK GOWNS AND BEAUTIFUL JEWELRY, WALKING FEARLESSLY THROUGH LIFE, TEARS STREAMING DOWN HER FACE DEEP AT NIGHT ]. i wonder what side they’ll choose in the upcoming conflict.

— BASIC INFORMATION

Full Name: Celestia Belisario-Soren

Nicknames: Cel, Tia (hates it)

Age: 31

Species: human

Gender/Pronouns: cis-female, she/her

Orientation: pansexual & panromantic

Occupation: lady of house Soren

Region: born in: Westwall; currently: Queensvale, Gwynn

— PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Eye Colour: dark brown

Hair Colour: dark brown

Build: slim

Height: 5 ft 3 in or 160 cm

Weight: 50 kg or 110 lbs

Piercings: earlobes

Tattoos: none

Distinctive features: pouty lips, beautiful eyes

Face Claim: Summer Bishil

— PERSONALITY

Positive Traits: dauntless, resilient

Negative Traits: egocentric, stubborn

— FAMILY

Father: Tomasz Soren, deceased

Mother: Imelda Belisario, deceased

Siblings: Marek Soren (half-brother), tba

Other relatives: tba

Significant other: none

— BIOGRAPHY

          Growing up all she knew was her mother, Imelda, and her father was never in the picture. The reason her mother gave was that they lived too far from each other and he had to deal with some issues of his own. Celestia didn’t quit fully understand it, but she accepted it. Well, it wasn’t a lie. Her father indeed lived far away, he lived in Queensvale, while Celestia and her mother lived in Westwall. And he indeed had his own issues to deal with - when Celestia was conceived, her father had a rough patch in his marriage and Celestia was a product of one night of passion. She was unplanned, but very loved nevertheless.

          When she was eight years old, her mother got sick. The illness consumed her slowly, but surely. Before passing away she told Celestia’s father about her existence and she had arranged he’d take care of her since Imelda had no other living relatives that could take Celestia in. It came as a surprise, but her father seemed to love her from the moment he laid his eyes on her. His wife, Celestia’s step-mother, wasn’t so welcoming, but she took care of her anyway, she didn’t have the heart to throw this child on the streets. So, Celestia lost her mother, but gained a new family with many siblings. Some of them didn’t seem so fond of the new sister, but some quite liked it.

          Unfortunately misfortune struck again. Celestia was barely fourteen years old when the Soren parents passed away and the oldest Soren son took over the family’s estate. He had never liked Celestia, but he never openly said it fearing his father’s wrath. But now that father was gone, he could say his mind freely and he wasn’t kind. As if he had foreseen this, their father had made sure, had legal documents written, that if he passed away, Celestia wouldn’t be thrown on the streets. But her older brother sure found a way to make her life miserable. He never listened to her and made sure some of her other half-siblings didn’t either, he pretended she wasn’t even there, but when they talked, it always ended up with Celestia’s feelings being hurt. She was a waste of space, a charity case, that’s how he called her. Soon she realized that she’ll get nowhere being meek and easily pushed over. So she started to stand up for herself, even talk back, and it always ended up in shouting matches with him, and over time it never got easier, he was always the same asshole towards her. The bubbly and carefree girl that Celestia used to be disappeared. She had to fight to be heard, to be seen and taken seriously. So, in the place of that sweet, bubbly girl came a tough, bold, even rude woman, who was ready to step over corpses to get what she wants, but unfortunately, over these years, she started to believe her oldest brother’s words, that she wasn’t good enough and she didn’t deserve to be loved.

          Never allowed to do anything, lately she has been thinking about leaving the Soren family behind and starting on her own. She has no idea what she wants to do, but she wants to get away.

[thedreadvampy]

ok the thing I'm struggling to find words for in my mind tonight is. a deep discomfort with the framing that complex relationships to sexuality and gender are something exclusive to queerness. that cishet people's relationship to sexuality and gender is by definition simple. and that's a tempting idea and like, yeah, there's much less impetus for a cishet person to examine their sexuality and gender. but that doesn't mean there's no complexity to it. and this isn't intended as a Don't Be Mean To The Poor Straights post it's just. observably not true that no cishet person has a complex relationship to sexuality and gender.

queerness is a complicating factor in people's relationship to sexuality and gender - we are made more conscious of the ways we don't fit what's expected, our sexuality and gender is often what is used to justify marginalisation and it comes with a whole host of pain and joy because of that, and the way that queerness is marginalised forces us into direct conversation with our sexuality/gender

but queerness isn't the only complicating factor in people's relationships to sexuality and gender. like as a woman who is pretty Definitely Cis I still have a huge ongoing wrestle with my gender - it's female, but what that means and how that's expressed and how that affects how i move through the world is still complicated and fraught and often messy and contradictory. that doesn't make me trans but it does feel pretty alienating that in a lot of queer spaces there's this implied assumption that the only type of gender complexity is a discovery of non-cisness.

(and tbh a lot of the time that's fair because a lot of people aren't cis and as I say like. it's much easier to Never Have These Conversations (with others or with yourself) if you're cis. so a lot of cis people never really name their gender troubles because they're not brought face to face with them.)

but there are a lot of things that affect your relationship to your gender. for me, I know I'm a woman, but how I'm a woman is a messy question wrapped up in trauma, in misogyny, in bisexuality, in autism, in body image, in the specifics of who I am and how I relate to the world and how I want to be seen and why. and there kind of is a thing in a lot of IRL queer spaces I hang out in where people jump straight to diagnosing me with Trans of Gender if I try to discuss a complex relationship with womanhood, or a desire to present as GNC, or a discomfort with being performed in certain gendered ways. and for a lot of people that is a step on the route but as far as I can tell it's not for me, I've spent many years trying out the shape of different genders because I had got into a headspace that any complexity in my relationship to genders must mean I was Not Cis, and for me it just didn't fit, womanhood remained the best fit. and I don't regret that, I think in an ideal world everyone should push themselves to question their gender and try out and see what good, and some people are just statistically gonna be cis like. it would be a weird numbers game for absolutely nobody's gender and sex to line up.

but I'm getting sidetracked. I was thinking about how cis and het people have the capacity for equally complex relationships to gender and sexuality as anyone else, and why that's important.

(I've never been straight or even thought I was straight, but I have occasionally talked to straight people and like. I have never met anyone, straight or queer, with a simple and uncomplicated relationship to their own sexuality - is it right, is it socially acceptable, there's shame, there's trauma, there's confusion, there's gendered and racialised and ableist baggage)

and like. it isn't that sexuality and gender aren't less of a fraught space for cishet people as a group than for queer people as a group. obviously in a group that faces a history and present of marginalisation and active violence on the basis of sexuality and gender, those are more intense complexities, and because of that there's also more intense joy as well as intense conflict. we are able to build community through marginalisation. we're brought face to face with our complex relationships to ourselves and because we can't ignore it we have built the language and community and frameworks to explore it and revert in it in a way many cis het people haven't.

but.

understanding intersectionality means understanding that as much as the marginalisation of queerness is bound up in the complexity of our relationships to gender and sexuality, so are power structures of race and gender and health and neurodivergence and wealth and class and geography and culture and language and religion and politics and education.

ultimately sexuality and gender are a huge element in how we relate to the world and our bodies and ourselves. and how the world relates to us. and there isn't a person on earth for whom that's 100% simple.

and idk I think a) to pretend that cishet people can't experience their bodies and themselves in a complex way is just a denial of reality, b) it simplifies out the many intersections of identity and power in all of us (even the straightest cisest manliest rich white dude) that make our social and personal identities messy and intricate and c) it gets in the way of us building meaningful intracommunity solidarity through a shared understanding of the beauty and pain and infinite variety of gender and sexuality

also idk. it's weird to me. to me it posits that to be cis, to be straight, to be allosexual and alloromantic, is a default whereas queerness is a deviation. and I just don't believe that, I don't think there's a 'normal' and uncomplicated Default State and then everyone outside it is a complication. I think there's value in embracing that othering in the world we live in, where we need to find strength in anger and in resistance, but I don't think it represents a truth about the world as much as a reclamation of the weapons used against us.

to me it feels similar to the way that white people thinking of ourselves as aracial and everyone else as racialised is an act of unconscious white supremacy. or the way that people are really keen to draw a sharp line between the Disabled Other and the Healthy Normal People. the idea that there's Normal People and Diverse People isn't...good...really? and this is in itself a messy issue because I do think there's a lot of power and value in taking pride in the complexity and thoughtfulness of queer relationships to sex and gender and I don't think there's some great evil in joking at the expense of the privileged. but when that starts to inform your actual serious thinking I think it can be counterproductive because erasing the complexity of cishet identities and acting as if any complexity in relationship to sexuality and gender means someone's Wrong About Being Straight/Cis is kind of reinforcing the otherising of queerness.

ughhhhh this is why I say it's hard to find words. because to me now it sounds like I'm saying 'don't suggest people might be queer' and like. do do that. we're in a world where that space isn't left open for the vast majority of people and straight or not, cis or not, allo or not, I think pretty much everyone benefits from having the space and community and language to have a conversation with their own identity. but that's kind of my thing like that conversation doesn't have a right answer. the conversation needs to have room for a model of straightness and a model of cisness that doesn't immediately slam the door on further exploration.

(also I've mostly been taking about cishet people here but let's be honest it's really a question of cis AND/OR het. one thing I'm finding really difficult at the moment is that there seems to be a lot of conversations about queerness and gender expression which conflate GNCness and a complex relationship to gender exclusively with being trans, and a lot of the time talk about how being a woman and being sapphic affect your relationship to gender are understood as less authentic explorations where they incorporate cis gendered identities. and a lot of discussions about complex cis wlw relationships to gender and womanhood get coopted by terfs who think that because their complex experience of gender is a cis one that means all complex experiences of gender are cis ones being wishfully misinterpreted (this is because TERFs have. no capacity or will to imagine experiences beyond their own, apparently) and that leaves. for me. often very little room to authentically discuss and explore with others my own identity as a cis wlw who uses she/her pronouns and still has a complex relationship to gender. and indeed as someone whose attraction to men (and no it's not straight but it's different-gender) is as textured and complex as her attraction to women. like it's a long way off the top of the list of Things To Worry About but I think about it a lot.)

[hekate1308]

Fictober 2021, #29

Prompt: “Why are we whispering?”

Fandom: White Collar

Pairing: Gen

Warnings: N/A

All in all, it was a normal day – they were on another undercover assignment, with Peter pretending to be an arms dealer, with Neal being a dealer in contraband goods – Gary Riddell had made a triumphant comeback – and really, so far, everything was going to plan. Their target, Toby Fall, was about ready to step into their trap, and then –

Well, then, Peter spotted none other than Mozzie in a waiter uniform pushing one of those little carts around.

“Neal, what is he doing here?” he hissed as calmly as he could.

“What –“ And to his surprise, Peter realized that Neal hadn’t known about this either. “Let me check it out.”

He nodded and allowed Neal to idle up to Mozzie. They’d figure out what he was doing here soon enough. At least he was not going to make any deals with their target – Mozzie might have been a crook, and trying to stay off the grid, but he had his principles despite all of that.

So he focused on trying to get close to the subject of this inquiry, only for Neal to suddenly grab him and drag him behind a pillar. “Neal!” They were not supposed to be close, so this could endanger the entire case –

The only reason he stopped speaking was because he saw the CI’s face, and his expression suggested this was something very serous indeed.  

“We need to re-group” Neal told him.

“Why are we whispering?” he gave back, knowing fully well that this could not be a good sign.

“Well, Mozzie just recognized – do you see that man over there?”

Of course he did. “Yes. What about him?”

When he saw Neal’s expression there was only one conclusion he could come to. “Detroit mafia?”

“From what Mozzie tells me, worse.”

Great. “Now what? We do have the others outside in the van, you know”.

“Won’t be enough” Mozzie announced, having managed to sneak near them in his waiter uniform. “Trust me, Suit, you don’t want to be on his bad side.”

“Alright, so what we need to do –“

“Peter, you don’t understand –“

And then, suddenly Peter got it. They were worried about him, rather than anything else. Mozzie had not come in due to his own selfish considerations; he had wanted to warn them, or more specifically, Peter himself. And Neal – one talk with Mozzie, and he was all panicked and wanting to get him out of here.

Which war ironic, all things considered – how often had they been in similar situations? And Neal and Mozzie alone – they loved throwing themselves into dangerous scenarios, and normally, Peter was the one to drag him out of it. “Come on guys, I am sure –“

“Suit, the last time a member of law enforcement came across Lothario, he was found without his fingers or nose the very next day.” A pause then he added “And another appendage, but I was raised too well to describe it accurately.”

“Sp you’re saying –“

“He’s not good with policeman, or the feds, quite frankly” Neal whispered once more.

“Relax, guys” he couldn’t believe he was the one who was saying this. “I have an impeccable back story, so we should be fine.”

“No offense, but if there’s someone who has written “Respectable citizen” all over his face it’s you, so it would hardly be a surprise if he were to fuses.”

“I will have you know I have several active undercover –“

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean a thing if Gibson realizes what’s going on. I am not really into having to scrap your intestines of the wall and bringing them to Mrs. Suit in a plastic bag.”

The thought of Elizabeth, as usual, made him consider the threat more seriously. “So far he hasn’t made me yet” he tried to argue.

“Yes” Mozzie emphasized. “But once he does…”

“Doesn’t have to. Not if I –“

“If we do this, it’s something else entirely” Mozzie suddenly said.

“What do you mean? It’s my job top handle situations like this –“

“Yes, not to die horribly at the hands of –“

“Look, Peter” Neal tried and to his utter surprise, Peter realized he was actually panicking. Whatever Mozzie had told him must be one, information rather illegally obtained since there was no other reason they would keep it from him (at least he liked to think so, these days) and two, really serious. “We will let you know, it’s just that – right now we‘ve got other priorities.”

“Like getting me out of here.”

“Exactly, so let’s go!” Mozzie laid a hand on his arms. “Peter” he rarely called him by his first name. “Please. Just this once.”

He could have said no, could have insisted on staying, but on the other hand… “Fine.”

And, as a very relieved-looking Mozzie deposited hymn at the van a few minutes later, he couldn’t deny that he felt touched even as he insisted on being told everything at a later date.    

[gunshou]

This is probably a bad idea, but...

So @luna-rainbow has been posting quite a bit about the portrayal of racism in TFATWS and how it's difficult for non-Americans to understand why Sam didn't want the shield and why he didn't just explain his thinking to Bucky. I replied that I wanted to try and tackle that question, so here we go.

BIG DISCLAIMER: I am a white, middle-aged, cis woman living in the northeastern USA, so I am really in no way the proper spokesperson for this topic. I'm not going to put forth my views as truth, but instead try to explain why I think Sam was so ambivalent and why Bucky just didn't get it (and probably still doesn't even if the writers gave him a small epiphany in the penultimate episode).

Everyone knows that the US was built on the bleeding backs of Black slaves. There is no rational way to dispute this disgusting fact, but the white people who have been in power in this country since forever have done such a good job of normalizing and minimizing the ramifications of that fact that many Americans just go through their lives and never, ever, consider it. Schools teach history, but it's often sanitized and presented in a very "Oops, our bad, sorry y'all" manner that makes young students feel like it was Very Very Long Ago and Over Now. I'm a high school teacher (of literature, not history, but they're intertwined) in a school where I know my colleagues in the Hx Dept are teaching racism as a living, breathing, hideously present concept, and I still have kids tell me every day that "America isn't like that now" as if examples of racial bias and systemic oppression aren't all around them.

In my mostly white district, the few Black kids don't speak up in these discussions, and lord, I do not blame them one bit. For one, they are tired. Tired of being oppressed, tired of talking about it, tired of trying to make other people see their lives and their struggles. Second, no one wants to be the Poster Child and have to bear the ignorance and intrusive interest of their peers. I imagine Sam feels similarly, and that's why he just never gets into it with Bucky. Sam is an optimistic and positive-thinking guy, and probably wants to talk about a million other topics before he wants to educate a 106-year-old white dude about the Black American Experience, and that's his damn right, good for him.

Said 106-year-old, by the way, has literally no concept of what being Black in America means. Luna-rainbow likened him to an immigrant in his own country, and there's some merit to that, especially considering the bulk of his conditioning as the Winter Soldier was at the hands of our Cold War enemies who were invested in making Bucky see America as an enemy. But mostly, the problem is that Bucky was asleep or absent from normal life during one of the most racially tumultuous times of our history. Now, the man lived in NYC, one of the most diverse cities in the USA, and seems relatively chill for having grown up in Ye Olden Times. But he likely hasn't studied the Civil Rights Movement, and how the Whites In Charge panic-reacted to the idea of other people having basic human rights with a coordinated and systemic effort to stop that shit in its tracks while appearing to bow to the social zeitgeist. Jim Crow, Confederate statutes, voter oppression, gerrymandering, redlining -- all the things that the United States Government did (and still does) to keep those BIPOC in their proper place and whites in power -- are often big news to modern people, so of course Bucky wouldn't get it.

He wouldn't intrinsically understand that The Shield represents a government that did its GD best to keep Black people poor, ignorant, and powerless while at the same time pretending to advance them and congratulating itself on how well it tied justice into knots and r*ped that blindfolded bitch holding the scales. He wouldn't know that Sam struggles with how to best embody his hope for the country he loves while also acknowledging that his country doesn't really love him all that much. How conflicted he must be as a veteran who fights for freedom while knowing he's not free to be treated with the dignity and respect everyone deserves. That Shield is government property, Sam is told many times, and to take it up means being the face and mouthpiece of a government that does not look, act, or experience life the way he does. A government that doesn't want him to gain power and will do basically anything to keep him down while all the while denying that they're doing any such thing. Captain America may visibly punch out Nazis, but is he punching out Karens? Or racist cops? Or racist teachers? "A complicated legacy," indeed.

So yeah, there's no way Bucky could know why Sam refused the shield and Bucky took it personally, as a rejection of Steve Rogers himself. And maybe to explain that would have forced Bucky to confront that while he is still Steve's Best Sidekick(TM), Steve abandoned him to this crazy future of alien invasions and divisive politics and tiger selfies and Bucky really just cannot deal. So he just gets pissy about it.

And Sam, for his part, was not going to unpack 70 years of American history and racism because that shit is tiring, especially when he's literally living in it right the f now. So he gets rightfully pissy about Bucky's inability to let it go.

And TFATWS writers go traipsing into the sunset congratulating themselves on the buddy cop story they pounded out that has all the buzzwords and the right tone for our post(?)-BLM times without ever once delving as deep into the story as the topic deserves. And people are confused and disappointed and don't really know why. But the truth is that 200+ years of history and oppression are not easily condensed into a 6-hour superhero TV show, and maybe the writers should have given some damn thought to how much they could realistically convey with sophistication and sensitivity instead of trying to have it all. Because we deserved better, not just as fans, but as critical viewers. (On the other hand, hooray for some people having these discussions instead of just saying BuT it'S JuST FiCTioN LiGhTen UP. Because it is never "just fiction," it is a reflection of our lives and has weight as such.)

Thanks for coming to my long-winded TED Talk, please don't send me hate mail. I'm already having a panic attack at having posted this.

[trutimeline]

idislikecispeople, The Most Infamous Dyscourse Blogger: Part 1.0, Rumors

idislikecispeople, also known as many names throughout her time on Tumblr (such as Adele, Kat, Mami, Samantha and Sayaka), was a former Tumblr blogger who became infamous for coining the term "tucute", among many other controversial things she has posted on her blogs. This was supposed to be one, very long masterpost about her, but Tumblr's post editor is a bitch and won't let me do that.

In this post, I'll be debunking or confirming rumors commonly spread about idislikecispeople. The rest of my posts about her will each be dedicated to a specific controversial belief she held or situations she got into. For simplicity's sake, I'll be referring to idislikecispeople as Kat for the rest of this post and future ones.

Rumors

Kat Coined the Terms "Truscum" and "Tucute"

Verdict: Partially True

Kat coined the term tucute, but she did not coin the terms truscum or transmedicalist.

Here's a screenshot of Kat's original definition of a tucute:

Transcript:

What is Tucute?

What does tucute mean?

Tucute is basically just the opposite of truscum, it’s a term and community for trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis individuals created to separate anti-truscum from truscum and to serve as a safe place from truscum and from cis people, where they believe that being trans requires dysphoria, we do not,where they think that being trans is a medical condition, we do not,and where they deny numerous gender identities on the basis that it “discredits the trans community” we do not.

What are the prerequisites to be a part of the tucute community?

You have to be trans, nonbinary, and/or non-cis in general

You have to accept all pronouns and gender identities

You haveto believe that dysphoria is not necessary to be trans

You have to dislike truscum

You cannot side with truscum or believe in their ideology

You cannot misgender anyone no matter how mad they make you

You cannot be an ableist whatsoever

Did you invent the tucute community? Why?

I indeed did coin the tucute term and community and anyone who says otherwise are creeps who are trying to steal it from me and redefine it for their own nefarious doings. I started this community so anti-truscum could separate themselves from truscum and cis people who are a part of the truscum community, it serves as a safe space from both truscum and cis people.

I’m cis, can I be tucute if I believe in your movement and want to help?

No, you can’t be tucute if you’re cis, you can only be a tucute ally, and you need to be sure to never speak for or over a trans person.

I see a lot of tucuties being just as harmful as truscum, what will you do about it?

There isn’t much I can do to them other than ask them to stop aligning with the tucute community, and of course, that doesn’t mean they will. Also be noted that truscum and cis people will pretend to be tucute just to tarnish the name of the tucute community, so tread lightly, you might be talking to a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Spread the word, use the tag #tucute and join the army today!

[A digital drawing of Sayaka Miki from Puella Magi Madoka Magica in her magical girl form, with a banner underneath her reading "Tucute 4 U!"]

(source) (source)

Kat Was a Cisgender Woman Who Lied About Being a Transgender Woman

Verdict: False

This rumor primarily comes from a post on Kat's oldest known Tumblr blog, chromaghost, where she claims that she wasn't MTF and only tagged a selfie as such because she thought that transgender people were "cool".

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: are you a mtf? i seen it tagged on one of your photos.

No lol. I wanted to post it to the tag because transgender people are cool :3

(source) (source) (source)

However, Kat addressed this post and made it clear she very much was a transgender woman multiple times on her later blogs. This claim can also be confirmed with nude photos Kat posted online, which I don't feel comfortable spreading, so you'll just have to trust me on that one. I also don't feel comfortable directly encouraging you to go and dig up those nudes, as most of her nude photos were either taken when she was a minor, spread without her consent and/or were uploaded because people pressured her into posting nudes to "prove" she was a transgender woman.

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: you bound with ace bandage in one of your selfies. i don't know what to think about you anymore. according to some people you're a 27 year old cis woman scamming us, but you say you're a 22 year old trans woman. i want to trust you but i don't know if i can. i'm sorry.

Rest assured I’m not 27 years old lol. What you’re referring to is a less than graceful ~art piece~ we did (”Playing a Boy” or something) on deviantART when we were 16/17 (?) and really ill-informed. I ask you to not take that as how I stand currently – as I have learned so much more since, and I have a penis and I was designated male at birth because of it (feel free to purchase a passcode to our nsfw blog to see for yourself). At the time we were developing breast tissue but still had to appear as a ‘boy.’ Don’t bind with Ace bandages, kids, it can damage your rib cage, something we didn’t know at the time.

(source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of two prescriptions, estradiol and spironolactone, both prescribed to Adele Sheffield.]

grandtran still gonna think I photoshopped it or what

(source)

Transcript:

Anonymous asked: In other words, you aren't gonna cough up the pics because you know you can't fake that shit because you're actually cis. Cool. BTW why do you keep changing your story about the blog, and if the blog was run by you when you were in denial about being trans because of self hate, why were the pics tagged mtf and you were constantly saying trans people were cool?

Yeah I’m not gonna do something for y’all and get nothing in return except more doubt from you, you see how one sided that kind of request is? Also its technically considered sexual harassment, just because its on the internet, you’re a coward (whats your username btw?), and you think I’m cis and you want me to prove time and time again to you that I’m dmab doesn’t justify sexually soliciting someone when they’re not comfortable in being solicited – for free no less.

At first I genuinely had no memory of that blog, it was only active for all of 2 months and for some reason I moved onto a new email and new tumblr, and I haven’t the foggiest why. As for the whole “me claiming to not be ~mtf~” I don’t have any memories from that time, I can only assume it was a lot of dysphoria fueled self-hatred and wanting to be seen/pass as a cis girl lesbian.

If you’re really gonna solicit nudes from a trans woman (a second time) as they do sex work to try and stay on their feet without offering anything in return just so your transmisogynistic ass can get off to trying to tell me my dick is fake isn’t classy at all. I perish the thought of what you’re parents would think of this behavior from you. But yeah, feel free to send some money to my paypal so I can get the gender markers on my records changed because that’s gonna cost a lot apparently, and I’ll definitely send you the dick pics you want. :)

(source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A picture of a a hospital bracelet on Kat's wrist. The patient's name is Adele Sheffield and her sex is labeled as "M".]

(source)

Kat Lied About Having Diabetes To Get Money From Tumblr Users

Verdict: False

This doesn't need much commentary from me, just view the screenshots below.

Transcript:

To the people who keep harping on me buying a $15 video game for my mental health 7 MONTHS ago “with my donation money,” well, here you go, some proof, links and screenshots provided

So for everyone spreading misinformation about me spending $15 on a video game for my mental health, here’s a full list of reasons why there is no way, shape, or form I spent my paypal money on it:

Yes, I spent $15 of my own money after selling one of my possessions, not denying it:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she shows off a copy of Fall Out: New Vegas, marked with a price of $14.99. The date of the post is marked as July 21, 2014 at 06:28.39 PM.]

Be sure to look at the date, July 21st, 2014 6:28 PM. Now lets look at my first donation post asking for help:

[A screenshot of a Tumblr post by Kat where she asks for donations to be able to afford insulin because she has no insurance. The date of the post is marked as July 20, 2014 at 08:14.00 PM.]

Hmm, one day before the purchase of said game, July 20th 2014 at 8:14 PM. Now, I’ve never heard of a video game store — much less a non-chain video game store accepting payment for video games in the form of virtual Amazon gift cards, have you? Oh, but you’re gonna say, “well you bought the game with your paypal donations anyway!” Well, here’s exhibit C:

[Another screenshot of a separate post made by Kat where she is also asking for donations to be able to afford insulin. The date of the post is marked as July 23, 2014 at 12:27.46 PM.]

Again, looking at the date of this posting which is the original donations post, you can see it was posted on July 23rd, 2014 at 12:27 PM, a full 2 days after I had bought the game. Now, if there’s no way for me to use Amazon gift cards for a real life video game store, then how can I go back in time a minimum of 2 full days to give past me $15 to buy said game, hm? This isn’t even accounting for the fact that I didn’t even have my own bank account associated with it until over a week later, and it surely doesn’t account for the fact that it takes up to 5 days to transfer from paypal to your bank account. All the dates are linked to the original unedited posts so you can see for yourself, and for added measure my first deposit was on August 14th, 2014:

[A screenshot of a deposit made by Kat. The date is marked as 08/14/14.]

Oh but yeah, anti-sjs, truscum, and the like took damniwishidthoughtofabettername’s postthey used to gaslight us with misinformation and you all bought it. Tell me how I could misuse donations that I could not use outside of Amazon and money I didn’t even start receiving until a full two days later, let alone the fact that there’s no way I could have transferred said money and used it two days prior as of the date of the paypal donations post.

I hope some of y’all could reblog this and get the word out, I’m sick and tired of people buying into that misinformation that person did solely to gaslight me as a means to try and disrupt my donations drive.

(source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source) (source)

Transcript:

[A selfie of Kat holding up a vial of Novolin to the camera.]

Hey anon, I don’t feel comfy giving you my receipts (because doxxing is a thing) but here you go, a selfie with my most recent insulin purchase. 👽

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Transcript:

Anonymous asked: Getting desperate for money again I see. How is your fake diabetes lately. I bet your blood sugar is like 800 this time and you're still able to be alive somehow.

You got me, I’m ~totally faking~

[A selfie of Kat. In the background several items used by diabetics are seen such as insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.]

[A picture that gives us a closer look at the background of the previous selfie.]

[A selfie of Kat holding up two vials, one of Lantus and the other of Humalog.]

Gee, must be one dedicated faker, right? To have hundreds of dollars of insulin equipment and insulin itself. Hmmm… Insulin syringes, glucose tablets, a blood sugar tester and test strips.. oh and insulin, hmmmm….

Oh and because you didn’t learn from last time you don’t die instantly when your blood sugar goes over 600 lol, something anyone who studies endocrinology can tell you, and I would know, being a diabetic, having to be hospitalized numerous times for ketoacidosis where the blood sugar has been too high for too long. Things you clearly do not know and you’re just jumping on the disableist bandwagon. I have an idea of who you are anyway, just doing this for future reference.

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[definitelynotplanetfall]

Re: this ask: definitelynotplanetfall tumblr com/post/651028116531249152/if-you-think-masculinity-is-a-horrible-prison-you -- fwiw, lots of trans people don't have a "deeply felt identity," and lots of us transitioned for "eccentric" reasons like "Florida is too hot for suits" or "ppl w my personality don't fit comfortably into the expectations of straight rlships." We have to pretend our reasons were loftier than that in order to get social acceptance, but it's often untrue

cont/ Your other points are well taken, and I'm not trying to nudge you in any direction, just saying that a person can switch genders for any reason, even reasons that seem "unwoke" or like "cheating," and indeed a lot of "real" trans people did exactly that. Gender is hard and sucks, the rules are dumb, and it's okay to rules-lawyer if it makes your life more tolerable or less exhausting

clickable link

Mm. I'm gradually coming around to this.

I'm not sure I've mentioned this on here before, but I remember one time on Reddit, one user aggressively corrected another for saying "when they were men" rather than "when they presented as men."

Now, this conversation was about the Wachowskis for whom this is probably the only correct understanding. But instead of using their personal testimony or the presence of trans symbolism in the matrix, this person said it never happens like this. There is exactly one way that trans works.

Well, okay that's one rando online being a bit overzealous and using a wrong explanation for a correct correction.

I also remember when Contrapoints said "I feel more like I changed my gender rather than being a woman all along" and fans completely exploded at her for this. Nominal progressives swarming around a trans woman to tell her "actually, your self-conception of your own gender is incorrect."

Unfortunately, I couldn't not view it like that. It's an escape from a prison that is definitely very real, not an "actually it turns out I was hallucinating walls and guards for 24 years. Whoops!"

And if I didn't do the lying hallucination explanation, I would be attacked for that by supposed supporters of trans liberation. I have enough theoretical disagreements-or-confusions with gender theory as practiced online that a) it would not be a good idea to stick my neck out (and irl there would be an entirely different set of problems and what's the point if you can't be out anywhere) and b) it seems like trans people just intuitively understand and agree with that stuff (or maybe just silenced by aforementioned weird crusaders - still gives the impression of a consensus without a great way to verify) and since I cannot really wrap my head around it I must be cis.

idk, give it a few months. Some bits of the old appear to be unraveling and it keeps seeming more and more plausible.

[pengiesama]

A Ring for a Ring, a Sweet for the Sweet (Fic, TGCF, HC/XL)

Title: A Ring for a Ring, a Sweet for the Sweet Series: Heavenly Official’s Blessing (Tian Guan Ci Fu) Pairing: Hua Cheng/Xie Lian

Summary:

Just as Hua Cheng once gave him a ring to pledge him his life, Xie Lian gives Hua Cheng a ring to pledge him his hole.

Link: AO3

Read on Tumblr!

--

Xie Lian was going into this birthday prepared. He had a plan in his head, a wish in his heart, and many thoughts cursing his dick.

--

This plan, this wish, this curse; it all started one fateful morning about a month ago. You see, the married life came with innumerable pleasures, and one of these was the comfort of a regular morning routine. Summarized, and truncated for length, it went a little like this:

 Step 1: Wake up.

Step 2, Scenario A: San Lang pretending to be asleep, and refusing to break character until Xie Lian provided anywhere between seven to ten morning kisses.

Step 2, Scenario B: San Lang already awake, and distributing morning kisses to Xie Lian’s lips, neck, cock, and other such body parts that would benefit from the application of his tongue.

Step 3: The irrepressible cosmic consequence of either scenario outlined above.

Step 4, Scenario A: San Lang big spoon.

Step 4, Scenario B: Xie Lian big spoon.

Step 5: Helping each other wash, dress, and get ready for the day.

 With Step 1 through Step 4, Scenario B completed, Xie Lian was helping his husband get ready before he had to scurry off to do a few errands. Check on the vegetable garden at the shrine, draw up a few new charms, pop over to the village’s market to see if there were any deals on, put an end to the demon who’d taken up residence in the hills two towns over and who was demanding maiden sacrifices…Xie Lian of course would answer the cries of those in need, but he did wonder, at times, why people were calling upon the God of Scrap-Collecting to slay evil (or at least rough up evil, followed by a stern talking-to). Shouldn’t they be calling upon him for blessings in happening upon excellent and thrifty finds? Ah, well. Always in service of the people.

The lacquered black comb sank thickly into Hua Cheng’s hair, and slid through like a ship through water. Silver chimed with the motions of Xie Lian’s arm. Lately, he’d taken to warming up Hua Cheng’s silver accessories before helping his husband put them on…underneath his sleeping robe, against his bare skin, he was currently sporting one of Hua Cheng’s heavy necklaces and silver belts. Xie Lian never liked the initial cold shock of jewelry against his skin when he was young; brief as the feeling was before his body heat warmed the metal, it was a petty annoyance he always dreaded each morning while still cranky and disoriented from sleep. His poor San Lang had no such respite, with his body’s ghostly chill. Thus, Xie Lian wanted to save his husband such an unpleasantness before a long day of managing his city.

There was, of course, the minor matter that Hua Cheng tended to wear quite a lot of accessories. (And he seemed to only be expanding this tendency after Xie Lian took up the warming habit.) After the necklace and belt were taken care of, he still needed to warm up the bracelets and rings (unthinkable to wear those while tending to San Lang’s beautiful hair), then the earrings and hair accessories, and then the vambraces; these were tricky, and required one-on-one attention. The silver butterflies nesting within the vambraces got excited very easily when Xie Lian touched their home, and if he wasn’t careful, he’d have an armful of butterflies and no vambrace to warm up.

Xie Lian could very easily spend the whole day at this, though his schedule didn’t allow it. Distracted by the movement of the comb through Hua Cheng’s hair, distracted by the low sounds of pleasure Hua Cheng made when Xie Lian absently ran his fingers through the strands, Xie Lian reached out to fumble for one of the many nearby jewelry boxes. Rings, San Lang did need rings to wear with his choice of ensemble today…

Xie Lian’s questing hand came back with a ring; that it was a ring was no question. But…Xie Lian’s brow furrowed as he examined it, turning it this way and that, the silver glinting in the bedroom light. Beautiful, with delicate engravings of blooming flowers across its surface, the quality silver thick and heavy in his palm. But this ring was much too large for his San Lang’s elegant, slender fingers, was it not? Though Xie Lian’s hands were smaller, they weren’t that much smaller, and he could fit both his thumbs inside it easily…

“Gege,” Hua Cheng purred, allowing his hair to fall over his shoulder in an alluring and altogether deliberate manner. “Did you find something you’d particularly like to see me in today?”

Hua Cheng’s gaze fell on the ring that Xie Lian was examining, and his confident, sly expression dropped all at once. His hand twitched, then fisted in his robes; as if he wanted to snatch away the ring but didn’t dare do so. Xie Lian blinked, confused.

“Is this a ring that San Lang wears while in a different skin?” Xie Lian asked. “It’s lovely, but seems much too big for San Lang’s…fing…er…”

Xie Lian trailed off, and the truth of the matter took root in his mind as his cheeks began to burn with a familiar heat. And oh, did those roots find eager and fertile soil.

Now, Xie Lian was inexperienced in bedroom matters, this much was true. But he was not stupid, and he also knew what his husband’s dick looked like at this point. This ring was indeed too large for Hua Cheng’s slender and elegant fingers. But it was just the right size to fit around the base of Hua Cheng’s thick, heavy cock.

“Your Highness,” Hua Cheng croaked. “This one apologizes for leaving such an item in—”

“This is a cock ring,” Xie Lian murmured, as if in a trance state, approaching a level of enlightenment not yet seen.

Hua Cheng’s physical form briefly flickered; hearing His Highness say such words so bluntly, with such an irresistibly flushed face, was very much like being struck by a divine force, staggering in its power. He took a deep breath to regain control of himself, and nodded.

“Yes,” Hua Cheng admitted. “This one is much ashamed to not be able to please His Highness as he deserves, on some nights. I crafted such a crude instrument in hopes that it would help with control, but it still is not up to the task, nor is it worthy of the honor of being used in His Highness’ bed…”

Xie Lian was brought back to reality long enough to refute such a self-abasing statement.

“San Lang always pleases me!” Xie Lian stated firmly. It wasn’t always about lasting for hours! It was about both of them enjoying the experience! First off, his San Lang lasted a perfect amount of time; secondly, even when he did come too fast, it just meant that Xie Lian had that much more come in him, and one of Xie Lian’s primary goals in his immortal life now was to be filled with as much of Hua Cheng’s come as physically possible. And if Xie Lian had to wait hours each time before Hua Cheng would finally come inside…

…but perhaps it was about the challenge. This was something a (formerly) martial god could understand. This was something that could overcome Xie Lian’s shyness, could reach deep within him and seize him by the heart and make him rise to the occasion. The buildup of his husband’s frustration and need, the challenge of overcoming the restriction of the ring, of riding Hua Cheng and filling him with so much pleasure that he would burst forth and break through – just as Hua Cheng had once done to free him from the bonds of his cursed shackles. (But like, with less dying afterwards. And with waaaaaay more come filling up Xie Lian’s insides.) Yes. Yes, this was a challenge Xie Lian was ready to help his San Lang face. They would do it together.

“I’m going to borrow this,” Xie Lian said. “Is that okay?”

“…as it pleases His Highness,” Hua Cheng replied, with no little confusion.

He’d find out soon enough.

--

Xie Lian worked tirelessly, during every free moment, to perfect this most important of spiritual relics: the Incorruptible Chastity Cock Ring. Although last year’s birthday present proved that his sewing skills left something to be desired (and his dear, sweet husband still insisted on wearing that ridiculous belt any chance he got), his metalworking skills, again, proved much more polished. Polished enough to make this ring even more of a sight to behold.

He’d amassed enough followers, and enough donations, to permit him to spend on sourcing quality metal for the project – he of course would not dip into Hua Cheng’s own art supplies, nor his purse. Though both were open to him at all times, that was hardly the spirit meant for a birthday gift! And thus, with silver that was not dug up out of his own grave this time, he’d set to work.

The expertly engraved ring now sported four fine silver chains, from which many chiming seed-shaped silver beads dangled. These silver chains were meant to drape alluringly across Hua Cheng’s muscular thighs and lean hips, and chime with every movement. The chains could be attached to any of Hua Cheng’s silver belts, which Xie Lian considered a very clever foresight on his own behalf. It would be very convenient, this way. (Though it would, of course, mean that a bit of warming up would be needed before he could dress San Lang for the occasion.)

The day of Hua Cheng’s birthday came, and the rush of adrenaline that was warding off Xie Lian’s shyness was beginning to wear off. What was he doing, presenting his husband with such a gift!? My darling, my one and only, my San Lang, here’s a cock ring that you made yourself because you come too fast in bed. Happy birthday! But Xie Lian tried to remember the goal here, the challenge, the pursuit of excellence. Those who ascended were ones who were capable of seeing beyond the limits of what was thought impossible. And Xie Lian so loved dressing Hua Cheng up before a hard day of work.

The moment the midnight hour struck, Ghost City was bright with cheers and fireworks. When Hua Cheng next stepped out of his residence, he would be greeted with a thousand congratulations and well-wishes: Lord Chengzhu, happy birthday!

Great Lord Mayor, happy eight-hundred-twenty-third! If’n I could count that high, I’d lop off the hands of eight hunn’erd twenny third sinners and deck these streets with ‘em!

What a waste of hands! Ya know you can fry those up, doncha!? Or sell them to tourists!

And an occasion such as this calls fer decadence! Like scattering hands all over the streets!! But, for now, Xie Lian had Hua Cheng all to himself.

“San Lang,” Xie Lian whispered into his ear, before kissing it. “Happy birthday. Would you like to open your present?”

Such an offer was a surefire way to get Hua Cheng to stop pretending to be asleep. In an instant, Xie Lian was tackled onto his back on the bed, and pinned in place by the press of Hua Cheng’s lean body and the insistent lips against his own.

“Gege is too kind,” Hua Cheng sighed between kisses. “Too generous. For days I’ve been thinking of nothing but the birthday dinner you promised me, and now gege is telling me that he’s got more gifts up his sleeves?”

Seizing upon the opportunity provided by the wording, Hua Cheng’s greedy hands snuck up the sleeves of Xie Lian’s sleeping robes, squeezing and groping at his arms as he went. The right idea, but the wrong direction…

“It’s…um…” Xie Lian trailed off, his cheeks flaring red. He had a planned script for this. Something about a ring for a ring, sweets for the sweet. The lines were lost to him now. But the intent certainly was not.

Slowly, shyly, Xie Lian slid a hand down the front of his own robes. Hua Cheng’s eye followed the movement raptly, and his touch grew heavier on Xie Lian’s bicep. Taking a moment to steel his courage, Xie Lian ran his fingers along the tie of his robe once, twice, before tugging at it to loosen it and let his robes slip open.

“I wanted to make sure it was warm enough for San Lang to wear comfortably,” Xie Lian explained softly.

Silver glinted through the part of his robe. One of Hua Cheng’s silver belts hung around Xie Lian’s hips, flush against his bare skin. Chiming silver chains dangled from it, leading the eye downward to where they joined at that thick, heavy engraved silver ring. It really was much too big for one’s finger, and still a bit too big for Xie Lian’s own cock. He feared it looked a bit silly – even half-hard as he was, it was clear that there was no way he’d fill it out. Of course, Hua Cheng would have no trouble.

Hua Cheng stared openly, blatantly; hungrily and open-mouthed. His grip on Xie Lian’s bicep was bruising.

“…Your Highness,” he eventually managed to say. His voice was low and raw enough to send a shiver through Xie Lian’s limbs, to make those silver beads chime with the motion of his bare legs sliding against the silk sheets. “Your graciousness knows no bounds. This humble follower doesn’t deserve such a magnificent gift.”

Xie Lian took Hua Cheng’s face in his hands, cradled his cheeks between his palms. He leaned in to press a kiss between Hua Cheng’s brows.

“My husband,” he murmured against Hua Cheng’s skin, his breath warm. “Deserves many such magnificent things.”

The kiss that followed was deep and slow, and full of a wet heat that took Xie Lian from half-hard to fully rigid. The ring still slid off with ease, though Hua Cheng’s fingers were so careful and gentle and slow in their ministrations to remove it that Xie Lian could have cried (or laughed, really) in frustration. Hua Cheng was equally slow and deliberate while undoing the belt tied around Xie Lian’s waist, taking his time, dipping his fingers underneath the belt while he worked to feel the heat radiating off Xie Lian’s abdominals.

“San Lang,” groaned Xie Lian.

Hua Cheng chuckled weakly, and kissed Xie Lian’s throat in recompense. “Gege’s patience is appreciated. I have to wait for my blood to cool before I can wield his gift.”

Xie Lian blinked, curious. “Oh? Is that how it works? Much ashamed, I’ve not much experience. But that does make sense, considering the intent…”

It was Hua Cheng’s turn to groan, and he punctuated it with a dramatic collapse into the pillows next to Xie Lian’s head.

“Gege is not helping with the blood cooling,” Hua Cheng grumbled, with affection clear in the accusation.

“My sincerest apologies,” Xie Lian replied, not sorry at all.

It took some long, painfully and deliciously slow minutes – drawn out by their refusal to stop kissing for the duration – before Hua Cheng’s cock softened enough to slide the ring on. Xie Lian, too, went slowly, carefully, guided by Hua Cheng’s slightly-trembling fingers and the glide of oil to ease any discomfort. When the work was done, Xie Lian squirmed out from under Hua Cheng to survey his handiwork.

His San Lang looked so lovely. The sheen of the oil on his cock, the glinting silver decorating the thick base and draping artfully across his strong thighs. The delicate chimes looked ticklish against his balls; Xie Lian reached out a hand to brush his knuckles against the velvety soft skin there and was rewarded by a delicious groan and squirm.

Oh, before he forgot…there was indeed one more surprise that Xie Lian had for the birthday boy. When he’d set to work on this precious spiritual tool, he’d added some features...

Xie Lian traced both hands along the silver chains, and they shivered with spiritual energy. Hua Cheng wore a priceless expression of shock on his face for a brief moment as he felt the pulse of energy, but had no further opportunity to react before the cock ring itself pulsed once, twice, thrice, more. It continued to pulse around Hua Cheng’s cock in time with the racing beat of Xie Lian’s heart. With each pulse, Hua Cheng’s hips jerked upward involuntarily; with each jerk, those silver chimes rang melodiously. Hua Cheng’s mouth hung open wordlessly, his eye glazed with pleasure that stole his sight and sense.

Very convenient, indeed. Xie Lian could probably just leave him like this and go about his daily errands, secure in the thought that his husband would be waiting for him in bed at home, desperate for relief after hours of tension that threatened to snap him in two. But that wouldn’t be particularly kind to do to him today. The birthday boy would have his release in due time, with only as much teasing as Xie Lian could bear.

“Did I warm it up well enough for San Lang’s comfort?” Xie Lian asked, stretching himself out along Hua Cheng’s side as he jerked and twitched. He stroked his palm along Hua Cheng’s lovely pectorals, down his stomach. He pressed the back of his hand to the silver belt to test its temperature. Xie Lian hmmed thoughtfully and moved to toy with one of the silver chains. “I suppose it’s still a bit chilly. Will you ever forgive me?”

“H…Hhh-highne…ssss…” Hua Cheng managed to slur out, then let out an animalistic moan as the pulses around his cock grew in intensity. Xie Lian made a comforting noise, and kissed Hua Cheng’s temple soothingly. His poor San Lang. It couldn’t be helped; the cock ring’s pulses were tied to Xie Lian’s heartbeat, and there was no controlling that when he was with Hua Cheng.

Xie Lian decided, there and then, that it was time to test the integrity (and the Incorruptible Chastity) of this spiritual artifact. He’d prepared himself before waking Hua Cheng; he thanked himself profusely for this foresight, as he doubted he had the patience to do it now and could hardly ask Hua Cheng to do all the work today. He already had enough to deal with right now.

Hua Cheng’s hands, previously fisted in the silk bedsheets in a vain attempt at controlling himself, flew to seize Xie Lian’s waist as Xie Lian moved to straddle him. Any protests died in his throat as the tip of his cock pressed into Xie Lian’s entrance, already warm and willing and ready. Xie Lian sighed in relief at the stretch and the fullness, and bounced and wriggled his hips until Hua Cheng’s cock was in him fully. He could feel the slight coolness of the silver ring against the rim of his hole, could feel the pulsations of the ring inside and out. Xie Lian gave a full-body shiver, and almost absentmindedly lifted the crystal ring around his neck up to his lips to kiss. The gesture grounded him, it soothed him, it—

“Your Highness…”

The warning growl of that title came too little, too late. Driven mad by the beat of Xie Lian’s heart and the burning heat of his body, Hua Cheng’s grip on Xie Lian’s waist became completely ungentle. His fingers gripped with bruising force, and he bounced Xie Lian on his cock with harsh, fast motions; endlessly chasing a release that would not come, to the tune of chiming silver chains. He pounded as deep into him as he could reach, and seemed as if he could hardly stand having even an inch of him not inside. It was all Xie Lian could do to hold onto Hua Cheng’s shoulders, to hold himself steady even as his thigh muscles began to burn with the strain, to let Hua Cheng fuck into him and use his body as a tool for his pleasure.

The first time Xie Lian came, it only left him hungry for more. The fifth time left him lying limp and slack, sprawled on his back as Hua Cheng’s cock continued to relentlessly fuck him, in and out, with no signs of stopping or slowing. Xie Lian’s insides ached to be soothed by the rush of Hua Cheng’s come. After the eighth time, with his face now pressed into a pillow and Hua Cheng’s cock still tirelessly pumping his prone body, chimes still jingling as brightly and eagerly as they had at the start, Xie Lian himself began to beg for that as well.

“S-s-sssan Lang…” Xie Lian could hardly get the words out, his tongue felt thick and heavy and useless in his mouth. “S-san Lang, need…need it…”

Hua Cheng moaned against Xie Lian’s neck, and briefly paused in his efforts to cover every inch of it with bite marks and hickies. His mouth moved to Xie Lian’s ear; biting it once before he spoke into it, sounding rich and low and just as wrecked as Xie Lian.

“Anything His Highness needs, anything, anything, I’ll give it – mnnnhh, mmm – oh, Your Highness, Your Highness is so good to me, so good to this San Lang…mmh, feels so perfect inside, does it feel as good for gege? Is he ready to come again for me?”

Xie Lian let out a desperate moan as Hua Cheng expertly adjusted his angle to aim his thrusts against that spot inside of him. He wouldn’t last much longer, he wouldn’t, he couldn’t, and he didn’t think he’d be able to stay conscious for round ten. And Hua Cheng still hadn’t come even once inside of him – Xie Lian could endure many hardships, but this was too much, too much!

“San Lang! I want it, I want that!” Xie Lian wailed with the desperation of a dying man. “Ah-ahhhh, I need it, I need you to give it all to me, please, please, won’t you please – ohh! Please, please have mercy, San Lang-gege, please have mercy and fill me up…”

Xie Lian’s heart was racing like a parade drum. He could only imagine the mayhem being wrought upon his husband’s dick by the cock ring’s enchantment. But he trusted his husband – he trusted him to break through, break through with him and see the limits of the highest heavens –

Hua Cheng let out a shout and a shockwave of spiritual energy strong enough to blow back the curtains on the bed, and released into Xie Lian enough come that Xie Lian felt his stomach grow taut with it. He felt his eyes roll back into his head, and let himself pass out midway through his ninth orgasm.

His conscious mind swam back after some time, and he found himself bundled against Hua Cheng’s strong chest. Morning was just breaking outside the window, but today was a day for sleeping in. Xie Lian breathed in his husband’s scent and let himself be lulled back to sleep. He still had to make that birthday dinner today, and needed to regain his strength.

--

“Oh? Did something happen out here?”

While things were stewing, Xie Lian needed to make a quick run to the market to pick up some supplies he’d forgotten. Outside of Paradise Manor, he found Yin Yu with a broom, sweeping a path through the severed hands that had been scattered on the road outside. If Xie Lian were to make a rough estimate, there were approximately eleven hundred sixty-seven of them. There was also a crudely written banner hung in the blossoming trees on the roadside, that read: HAPPAY BARTH DAY LARD CHENGZHU.

“They do try, don’t they?” Xie Lian said to Yin Yu, fondly. “Once I’m back from the market, I’ll help you clean up out here.”

“They do try,” Yin Yu agreed. “And no, no, Your Highness has business to attend to.”

Xie Lian smiled and gave a grateful bow. “Your Highness Yin Yu is welcome to join us for dinner. I’ll save some stew for him! Please don’t hesitate to drop by later.”

Yin Yu watched as Xie Lian expertly stepped around the hands littering the streets, then disappeared into the bustle of the Ghost City market. He gave a deep, resigned sigh and returned to sweeping.

--

[othersideoftheparadise]

Tampered [3/?]

Sam Wilson x cis fem! reader

Warnings: Spoilers for TFAWS. Mentions of blood, alcohol poisoning, graphic mentions of violence. This is the first time I'm ever writing something like this, so I'm open to constructive criticism.

Word count: 4.3 k ish.

Read Part 1 and Part 2 here.

2000

Dull pain thrummed between your eyes as the butt of the gun connected your forehead, almost making your vision black. It felt like needles pricking the skin all at once. You had to finish the mission. Your recovered, maintaining your balance back again, ignoring the pulsing pain, gripping the knife tucked in behind the belt, you dodged the punch aimed at your gut. You kicked your feet off the wall behind, as the boost gave you enough height to strike down the enemy, slashing his neck open right by the artery. Killing the very last attacker in the room. He slumps down with a thud, with blood splaying everywhere.

As the adrenaline rush wearied off, you were hungry now rather than being nervous about your mission. It was your duty to clear off the path for the Soldat and always look behind his back, just in case. More like a worm pierced onto the fishing hook for fishing. It was more like being assigned to be a bait for clearing the path.

You had to report back to the assigned rendezvous point, as you were told to be, but hunger made your ears ring. You did not have time to dwell upon in the middle of the mission, but the sweet aroma of freshly baked, warm bread and the sight of a boy around your age licking his fingers as he gobbled down plum pie definitely wanted you to think twice. Searing waves of hunger pangs hit, subconsciously leading your feet towards the boy. Hearing another set of footsteps approaching, you tried to shimmy behind the garbage bin behind, only to be yanked out by the man you never wanted to deal with.

The Soldat.

He looked down at you with his eyes reflecting no expression behind the mask. He dragged you by your hand as you protested.

“Let me go!” you trashed in, kicking and grunting against his firm grip.

‘Салдат, принеси с собой цечку, немедленно.,’ You heard the voice on the other side through the earpiece.

“N-No, No, I don’t want to go, it is so dark and p—please.” Blood was rushing to your head all at once, pulsing every beat. You didn’t want to go back. You wanted to stall as the feeling of fear overwhelmed sank into the gut.

Confusion was written all over his face; you could sense his hesitation. Previous mission with the Soldat ended up with him screaming for minutes in pain and agony when he had disobeyed. The people in the base never threatened but always made sure that you were present during the electroconvulsive therapy and when he was kept in cryo till the next session.

Shifting weight from one leg to another, your heart lurched, and your stomach tugged as you were closer to the destination. He was bruised and was limping by the time he had found you, but now he was straight up rigid, listening to the command. You remembered his gut-wrenching screams piercing in, and he took you back to the rendezvous point before the cleaning crew showed up.

“I’m sorry. I was just fascinated by this. I don’t know what to call it, but this part seems to be important. Who is Nakajima?” where he was pressing all the wrong buttons. Zemo was one of those only men; you were eager to know what was going on in his head.

Here he was playing the role of sugar-daddy, prodding over. What was more important was how Bucky never told you that your neighbour Nakajima was one of the people on the list of his amends. It was on you that you had expected him to tell you; he had no obligation that he had to.

“If you touch that again, I’ll kill you.” Bucky let-go of Zemo’s neck.

Sam visibly tensed up, looking at them, “I’m sorry. I understand that list of names. People you’ve wronged as the Winter Soldier.”

So, this was the reason why he wanted to move in.

Part of you was disappointed, but you had no right to have expectations. It was his own decision, and you had to respect it.

On the other hand, it was Zemo. It made you wondering for a while about how he was able to sit in the same room as you did. He should be angry, angry for rotting in prison after avenging his family’s death. This guy was surely a good spy and was very skilled; this was another reason you had to keep an eye on him.

Zemo devised a plan, laying out different people to meet in and around, starting from Madripoor. The city that had loose laws hence had better leverage for things to go according to him.

“It’s kept its lawless ways. But we cannot exactly walk in as ourselves. James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone.” Zemo let Bucky know.

“That is not going to work.”, this plan was going to fail; Bucky can become the Winter Soldier but cannot act like one.

“And why would you say that?” his interest piqued. He obviously knew this better than anyone else. If this was one of his mind-games to rile you up, it was not happening anymore.

“Well, it was something that he was conditioned to do in his subconscious. Not in his real-time. He does not know to pretend like one.”

“Alas, we do not have a better plan, do we?” he replied back.

Knives, Check.

Guns, Check.

You found yourself scrolling aimlessly through the local television, making sure that your eyes did not skitter over to the suit that was draped over him, fitting neat and tight.

Holy fucking shit.

You had to physically make sure that you were not watching him, straining your vision onto the screen. He looked like a mafia drug lord. You knew that you would be floored if he had opted to wear the shirt with his sleeves rolled up. You wanted to have more of the Sambal and rice that was served in the morning. The appetite had appeared out of nowhere.

“Alright, I’ll be leaving now. Ping me when you’re done with your business or in case of an emergency. I’ll be looking over from the second floor, from the lodge opposite to the pub.” Part of you did not trust Zemo, but you were sure that Sam and Bucky would be able to handle themselves.

Mentally slapped yourself, ignoring the looks thrown at you. All of this would be over for once and all if the plan had worked out, and you would tell Sam that you would be leaving.

Putting the food on the plate you waited, you made sure that table was all set up before Sam came back from his jog. Things were awkward, to say the least, and tiring as well. You couldn’t care less about how people showed false compassion at Nat’s funeral, making you roll your eyes. One thing that always made you regret that you did not have anything that belonged to Nat other than her memories. Everything had burned down once Bruce snapped, even before the team could comprehend her death. It was so unfair that everything that belonged to her had been destroyed, wiping out her entire existence as if she had never existed in the first place.

Another headache was pulsing in, beating in the hollow space with every heartbeat. You heard the door slam shut, reminding you that Sam had indeed returned from the run. Here you were, preparing breakfast, soaking in the domesticity in the world where she was already forgotten. She deserved to live, live a good life after all of this with Steve. Sunlight shimmying into the house made it look like the future that you had always wanted. This was too good to be true; the team was still recovering from the loss.

Sam and you both were still managing to barely keep the relationship tied together as the honeymoon phase after the blip had ended. The real world was settling in. You had seen him struggling to set into the new world, where people had moved on without him. You tried your best to ignore it because it always ended with ‘let me handle it’ ending the conversation.

“Hey, are you listening to me?”, He asked digging in, looking over for a response. “I said that the food is delicious. It is terrific.”, He reassured after seeing you cock an eyebrow.

“I appreciate it, Sammy.”, you smiled, remembering how Nat opened up to you saying that she always wanted a family with Steve, wanted a life, a life that you were living now.

“Hey, look at me.”, he hooked your chin with his finger, lifting up. “Thinking about her is not going to bring her back alright, but you can talk to me. I’m right here. It is okay, not to be okay.”, He looked at you with all sincerity that he could muster.

All you wanted was to scoff, scoff at how he was always ready to help others but dealt with his problems all by himself.

“They were supposed to get married!”, This was when the heaviness in chest grew heavy. He was physically taken back by the new information. Maybe he didn’t know about it yet.

Shit.

“And really, Sammy? I could say the same to you. I get it, alright. I get it that we both are going through a tough phase, but I have wanted to say the same to you. All you say is ‘I can do this and shut me out.” You emphasize with your fingers, seeing his tense shoulders.

“You are so careful around me all the time that you physically look like you’re embracing yourself for shit to collapse.”, This was it; you had been waiting for weeks to say this. You saw his jaw tick with all the tension that he had been gritting in and holding back.

“N-no, No, I don’t want to go in there. Do you understand? I get what you are trying to say, but it is just that I need some time to open up about everything. The world did not wait for anyone and has been running even in all those five years.”, He said, pointing at the window.

“I need some time, m’kay? I need some time to adjust to all of this.”, He was ambiguous.

“This is how our relationship is, Sammy. We don’t talk. This-this is why you are always on alert mode whenever you are with me because you think you have to keep reasoning every time anything happens. Y-You also think that you’re better off without telling anyone about your problems.”, Emphasising the conversation, you sat looking dead in his eyes. This flared anger in him, flickering like a spark staring out a fire.

“Why does every conversation we have, has to end up about our relationship? And no, you’re wrong this time; it is not that I don’t want to talk to you about it. It is just that I need some time.”, He reasoned, trying to explain, taking deep breaths.

You both had arguments almost every single day. It was emotionally exhausting. You could not imagine what he must be going through now that everything had resumed.

“This is what I am talking about. We both have grown out of this relationship, and we have different opinions, which is absolutely fine.”, He was positive, scrapping the chair away. “But I need a break; I need a break from all of this. It is just that you and I are dealing with different things, and I’m tired of explaining this to you every time.”, He said with certainty.

It really did take some time for his words to sink in, but he was crystal clear. He approached you, instantly regretting his words.

“You’re right, Sam.”, You stared aimlessly, getting up.

“H-Hey, I did not mean it.”, his voice dropped, lacing with sadness, looking at you.

“Stay there and sit down; this is your house.”, you emphasized, motioning him. He looked distraught as seriousness stetted in.

“No, Wilson. I understand; you are right. We need a break, and this is not working out because we both need time. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I was selfish and insensitive about what you are going through right now.”, Sighing you carried yourself to pack up, ignoring the headache pounding in. He didn’t deserve any of it. He deserved someone better than this.

“It is just that I’m not in the right headspace right now. I’m sorry.” You repeated again, walking out. You were too afraid to think how different life would have been if the snap had never happened. Simultaneously, you imagined how Nat would have cussed you back and forth for ruining your relationship.

“Hey James, do you have a spare room to crash in for few days?”, You whispered into the phone, hearing the beep sound.

Before you knew, you saw Zemo, Sam, and Bucky scrambling around, confused. You sighed, loading your gun, firing off people who were attacking them right away. Another line of fire came out of the window beside yours, halting immediately after the attackers were down.

What the hell?

“Wow, look at you all dressed down to take out the bad guys.”, you had sensed her but not this close. Maybe you were getting slow.

You looked up at the women, who had saved Steve and Sam back in the day. To be honest, you had forgotten about her and knew why she was ignorant about the whole situation, “I know why you’re all bitter. I’m sorry that we did not come back.”, you signified, raising up for hands, surrendering.

“Oh please, there is a difference. It is always easy for people like you to say ‘sorry’ not knowing what someone else had to go through.”, Sharon scoffed, pointing the gun.

You were also curious about what she was going to do further, as she pressed the gun to for back, guiding you to lead the way. The whole situation turned around when Sharon agreed to help in for the next lead.

Sam looked far by uncomfortable as he tugged his collar out for more air. He was sweltering down as he reached the condo.

“What’s wrong, Sam?”, You asked as he looked like he was going to collapse, unable to walk. He huffed, struggling to take out the phone that was buzzing in his pant pocket.

“Wait, let me take it out for you.”, You knew that something was wrong, but you did not want to use your powers to find out without his consent. You heard his breath hitch as you moved closer to him.

This was definitely weird.

“Just do it soon.”, His voice turned hoarse, gritting his teeth. He visibly shivered as you skimmed your fingers into the pocket to take out his phone. It was Sarah. You saw his eyes glistening as he grabbed his phone, walking straight into the room, shutting the door with a loud bang.

You almost heard Bucky snort, making you sharply turn around in his direction. What had happened down there, pushing Sam into a situation like this?

“Bucky, what did you do?” you marched as Sharon huffed, settling down to look at the show you all were putting up.

“I-I didn’t do anything. It was not me, okay.”, He stammered, with his eyes wide. He was practically pressing himself into the sofa.

“It was wine. The snake wine he drank.”, Zemo quipped in, shifting your attention.

“What? What on the fresh hell is a snake wine?” you were bewildered, to say in the least.

You heard, Oh-s and Aah-s, as Sharon spoke up, “Snake wine is assumed to be an aphrodisiac and is believed to make people strong.”, She said, gesturing at her biceps.

“It is a what?!”

“Hey, calm down, listen to me; I’ll arrange someone to buy sex toys with lots of food and hydration. It can go on for hours, but who knows.”, She nodded looking at you.

“Okay”

“No wonder he couldn’t run in those heels.”, Bucky muttered, looking around, shifting around.

You all discussed your next lead that was tipped off in the bar, hearing Sam throw up. This was not a good sign.

“Bucky, please hand me over the medicine kit. I’ll take care of him.”, You rushed in, locking the door.

The whole room was a mess, with everything strewn all over the place. The acrid smell of vomit filled in your lungs as you saw a tired Sam collapsed on the floor.

Oh my god.

“Sammy, hey, look at me.”, you were trying to shake him into consciousness. His eyes were rimmed red as he looked at you. Wiping him down with a warm washcloth, you could feel pain rattle his lungs, and somehow, it had only become worse.

“Come on, Sammy.”, You helped him lay down on the bed, ignoring his burning skin. You knew what you had to do; he was just at the brink of passing out and threw up almost everything you tried to make him drink.

This was not a good sign; with the mind racing with endless possibilities, you did not want to be terrified. You had seen what death was, but looking at Sam right now, did make you remember when he was dusted away during the snap. Living through all the madness, running from one place to another, it was Sam who made you feel human.

“Sam, do you trust me?”, You knew that this was not entirely consensual, but he was only a human after all.

“I—I do. I do.”, he was dazed by all the alcohol and the dehydration.

Removing the wristwatch, you concentrated on the energy from the center, carmine red flickers spasmed through your palms. Pressing them to his warm chest, you imagined him healing from inside as you felt the energy radiating off his body.

He had visibly calmed down, looking down at you. “Is this how you saved Pietro?.,” He looked at you incredulously.

“What?” you were the one staring back in shock, moving away.

Oh no.

“Don’t worry, Wanda accidentally slipped when she was talking about Ultron, but I didn’t know you it was going to be something like this.”, he huffed. The furrow of his eyebrow explained for itself. He did not push it further as he got up to clean the mess, not looking back.

“Sam, I can explain,” “No Y/N, you don’t have to. You don’t owe one.”, He said, not looking up.

“Talk to me Sam, I know that look on your face. You’re angry.”, You tried talking to him, rushing on your feet, closer to him.

“I’m angry because I’m an idiot. Just like I said, you don’t owe me an explanation. I had my doubts after the blip when things were quickly found and how everything is always rearranged like the clappers. You look more alive than ever but older at the same time, and I don’t understand a damn thing.”, he said, chucking the sheets into the laundry basket.

“I did not want to tell it to anyone because I’m already an outcast for not being normal. People look at me in fear and disgust after knowing who I am.”, You tried explaining to him. This was wrong; finding out something like this made the situation worse.

“Look, I get it; I’m really thankful that you saved my life today.”, You signaled him to be quiet as you scanned around. Flares shimmered away from you throughout the room, creating dark midnight hues, with a glint of yellow flaring over them.

He looked more confused than ever.

“Ah, it keeps happening all the time. I don’t know why the colors keep changing, but this one is always prominent.”, you explained, gesturing at the blue orb.

“How long have you been doing this?”, he asked putting on his clothes.

“It was in 2012. I acquired them when I was trying to get Loki off from smuggling the tesseract. I don’t know how but I understood that he was possessed. I tried negotiating, talking sense into him. I told him that I knew what was going on and was trying to help him out. He told me that he would kill me, so I threatened to destroy the tesseract out of stupidity. One thing led to another, and I crushed it with his scepter. The next thing that I knew, that was I was in a hospital bed out for almost a month.” You summarized.

“Wait, and no one knew about it?” Sam was surprised processing in. “No signs of any radiation, damage, or anything?”

“No, it turned out that Loki had used his powers and transferred the blow to the other side of the portal. On the other hand, I did not show any remains of radiation. I don’t know how.”, he was more concerned.

“So, you’re saying that Loki’s intentions were not to destroy New York.”, He sat down, rubbing his palms together.

“No, it was Thanos. He had caught Loki wandering off in space when he committed suicide jumping off the rainbow bridge in Asgard. He made a negotiation by torturing Loki to bring Tesseract and the Septer to him.”

“Which is around two stones, right? Then why would he send Loki, when he could do the job himself?”, he was trying to come out with a possible explanation.

“I don’t know what his true intentions were, but when we’re doing our research on stones during the time heist, we came to a conclusion that he had done the same with the power stone as well. He negotiated with Ronan to wipe out half of Xandar in exchange for the power stone. He did the same thing with Loki too. Give him an army to invade and rule the earth in exchange for the stones.”

“So, this was more like killing two birds in a stone.”, he completed your sentence looking up at you.

“It was also another reason why I never initiated any interest, even though I really liked you a lot when you let us into your home for the first time.”, you confessed, picking upon the fabric of your pants.

“What?” he was letting the new information sink in.

“Technically, it was in the closet when we were trying to set up Steve and Nat together.”, You were feeling guilty that you did not give him any time to process the information.

“Do you regret it?”, He had an unreadable expression on his face.

“I regret a lot of things, Sam. You have to be more specific.”, From what life had thrown you into different situations, one thing that you were sure about having a life with normalcy was that you liked Sam. As a person, a friend, and someone you could rely upon.

“You know what I mean.”, the hardness in his stare threw you off. It was something that was never directed at you.

“I do, Sam. I do. Call it fate or whatever you want; I had hope before the blast had happened. Retire one day and have a normal life. I was convinced that I would not use my powers because I was tired of people exploiting me.”, There were times when blood samples were taken, right before and after having meals. It mostly ended up you hearing gossip about how the blood work always turned out to be normal as guards walked down the narrow corridor, assuming you were asleep.

“From H.Y.D.R.A.to SHEILD, I do not want anyone come after me, and then I met you.”, pinching out splinters from the window, you give yourself a second to continue. “I almost convinced myself that I would always avenge and fight for the rest of my life. This is going to sound really cheesy, you know?”

“It is all kinds of normal; that is what makes us human.” He was looking at the wool rug spread across the floor, nodding at you to continue.

Well then.

“When I met you, I started liking you throughout the years after we met. For who you are, you’re your maturity, goofiness with a pinch of cockiness that comes out every now and then, but you are also respectful at the same time.”

He was looking up at you with a calm look on his face. On the other hand, you were almost shaking because it was always him before the snap who initiated everything. Initiated talks, initiated to join into conversations when Steve and Nat bickered around, initiated to go out for a date in Wakanda and the night you two had before the battle. This was new, but the burden of carrying all of these secrets alleviated your shoulders; maybe this could give you closure. Closure on how you can never change what had happened but only move on.

‘One step at a time,’ like Steve said.

“It is just- I was so scared, I guess. I was not decisive, and my feelings just grew stronger.” You sat down, with eyes swimming all over the room, landing at Sam, who was now sitting down across you. It was like he had heard your thoughts, now that you noticed him in a black turtle neck cotton shirt. This was your Sam sitting close to you, but not close enough. You wanted to be confused as to why you longed for his presence, but it was crystal clear. With realization seeping into bones, you had to accept that you deserved an ordinary life, but Sam deserved better. Better than all of this mess. What if someone had come looking out for him because of you?

“I need some time away from you, Y/N, so that I can decide when we both sort out about this because I don’t want to swing back and forth if I’m honest with you. This is about me, deciding for myself.”, dissolving the encased power that had kept you both from prying ears, Sam jumped when he heard strings of notifications pinging in.

You heard the sound of your ringtone to see Sarah calling in.

“Do you want to talk to her? I, uh—meant that she called you hours ago.”,

“Nah, just talk to her. She might be calling you for a reason.”

Next part

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